#this has happened to me and to so many of my friends and im fucking SICK of it
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i didn't realize how much like... "the thing that is obviously happening isn't happening" is almost just as exhausting and demoralizing and frustrating and scary as the thing itself for me. i didn't realize that aspect of things was weighing on me almost as much as the thing itself until now
#non religion#negative -#mostly in tags sorry i'm ranting#almost anytime i talk to my mom about politics it's āthat's not what's really happeningā āthat's not what they meantā#āthat's not what's going to happenā#and she thinks she's helping. she thinks she's quelling my fears or whatever#but she's not as politically involved as i am (and calls herself a conservative) and is just. saying shit#she's telling me the things i'm seeing aren't happening. that i didn't hear the things i heard#that the things they're saying are going to happen aren't going to happen#she HAS to give everyone else the benefit of the doubt#but can't give ME the benefit of the doubt that i know what the fuck i'm talking about#it doesn't make me feel less fearful in any way shape or form. i just feel like i'm going crazy#like i'm so sure her reaction to the elon clip would be āwell that LOOKS bad but he probably didn't mean it like thatā like#i'm losing my shit. i'm losing my shit. i'm losing my shit#she does this when i talk about being black (im biracial moms white) she does this when i talk about being gay she does this w politics lik#NO it's not a compliment when people touch my hair without asking#exposing your BLACK husband & children to your racist dad and step mom so we could āchange their mindsā put us in an UNSAFE POSITION#ā90% of christians don't care that you're gayā INCORRECT āit doesn't matter that pence said he wants to hang gaysā YES IT FUCKING DOES#āthey're not going after trans adults it's just regulating what kids have access toā INCORRECT. AGAIN#i'm LOSING MY SHIT#it is INSANE the amount of grace i'm expected to extend to ppl who don't see me as human. people who want me dead. who want my friends dead#i'm blocking so many tags and people this week idec#i just can't deal rn
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really fucking sick and tired of people who really fucking love the eddie book jumping on people who don't like or are even remotely critical of it's posts and like crusading their opinions around from the top of their high horses and shoving it down our throats.
if you like the book, great! that's awesome! love that for you! i am genuinely glad that you were able to find good in it and enjoy it!!
but not everyone did, and not everyone is going to agree with you. so, instead of going on some grand crusade where you find every single post that includes anything even remotely negative or negative adjacent or even neutrally critical and spending ALL this time and effort trying to provide unwanted rebuttals to every single thing, maybe you should just stay in your lane and find people who DO like the book and chat about it with them.
because i can PROMISE YOU, none of us appreciate it when you come onto our posts and start accusing us of "hating on" the author or "being rude" about her and her work and RIDICULOUS shit like that.
being critical of something and pointing out it's flaws is NOT inherently hating on it. i, frankly, do not know where people got that notion, but it's not fucking true so can we fucking quit assuming it is? and, critiquing something is also NOT the same as saying this is shit and it sucks and the author is a piece of garbage. again, where the fuck that came from is beyond me. you can be critical of something and still enjoy it. as soooo many of you love to point out, it's not perfect, why should it be perfect? so D U H. of course that means criticism can and should arise???
also. hot take (by which i mean ice fucking cold because it's NOT a fucking hot take), but going around toting FALSE facts as part of your "defense" does not make you or your argument look good. you, like the author, should maybe do a basic fact check first. š
tldr, if you like the book, that's genuinely great, but stay in your fucking lane and stop seeking out posts from people who didn't like it to start shit in the notes.
#flight of icarus#stranger things#this has happened to me and to so many of my friends and im fucking SICK of it#i didn't even hate the book either!! i thought it was just okay#and yet i STILL get all these book lovers jumping down my throat about things i say about the book#things that - HONESTLY are not even like that scathing!!!!!#like god damn all im asking for is a little BASIC effort from the author and they all think thats me asking for her head on a platter#its NOT#i have no problem with the author#she's whatever to me honestly just a vessel through which the book was given to us#ALSO she is some nebulous blob way outside my orbit. AS IN any critiques i have of her and her work are NOT direct assaults on her???#like i dont fucking KNOW her#im not saying any of this to her face#she is a published writer she should KNOW the risks she is taking when she publishes her writing#not everyone is going to like it! there are going to be people who are critical of it! there are going to be people who hate it!#critiques and pointing out mistakes and wishing for things to have been different is not a fucking direct attack#those things are actually pretty fucking common responses to ANYTHING#and a lot of times theyre actually meant as useful helpful things geared towards improvement and not something to tear someone down with#some people on the internet need to go touch grass and learn how to CRITICALLY THINK again#the world is not as black and white as you think#n e ways. rant over. if you stuck around through all of that kudos to you. i am just. at the end of my rope with this bullshit.
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lol didnāt think someone giving money would give me anxiety
#to the judge thatās gonna see this case next year and the lawyer that is representing it assuming the state idk how this all works#why has the person to say the least get to go a whole year without consequence? a known criminal who after stealing from me and being#released and again getting arrest now for gang violence or some shit she was let go? she maybe associated to the group that killed that boy#last year. and here i am panicking because im afraid to carry cash. im paranoid that imma go outside and my car will be missing. iām get#panic attacks when i drive to close to that gym and tired going back but physically cannot get out of my car and i start to cry in the#parking lot. iām not sitting at work shaking forcing myself not to cry because someone handed me cash and iām afraid someone is going to#steal my purse again. you think thatās not a big deal and honestly i didnāt think it was until my purse was gone. my cards stolen and used.#my key missing EVERYTHING in my purse GONE. so many things in there plus the purse i had money and all that is stuff i paid for now im out#all that cash iām out 500$ for a key replacement i stopped feeling safe leaving my house all my non replaceable things gone and everyone#spoke to me like it was my fault and had to stand their crying while adults told me not to use a gym locker ??? but in the same breath telli#telling me this isnāt the first time sheās done this she has a warrant for her arrest sheās known to steal cars iām the problem and thereās#nothing they can do to help me. so while i cry because all the money i had lost and never got back i had to do ALL the work to call my bank#track where my cards were being spent at call the jpay line she transferred money to look up the person she cashapped money to call the#business she was actively spending money at ask the manger if she is currently there and if they could give the police all the receipts and#video of her there for them to act like the heroās for my brother and i tracking her down while you all belittled me#FUCK YOU AND FUCK HER i canāt be fucking normal about STUPID mundane shit iām stuck here shaking and crying and what you tell me later itās#not a big deal? give me all the content of your car and wallet or purse or backpack take nothing out and see what youāre left with and how m#much you need to spend to drive your car again and to tow your car home let a stranger have all your cards and address and tell me you feel#safe#OH and for the gym to tell me they know about her she used to be an employee there she doesnāt have a membership so they donāt know how she#got in and they canāt help but she did steal from another girl that night and an employee last month and who knows how many more ppl like#thatās convenient you pos sounds like she has friends that still work at the gym and open the back door for her or just let her in thatās#crazy no ? and this is all alleged because when if i lost all these things i canāt speak on what did or didnāt happen thatās some crazy bull#shit anyways the towing company felt bad for me maybe because i hadnāt stopped crying they gave me the key replacement number and told me to#mention he referred me so i could get a discount and the layman felt back for me because when i called him i started to cry and when he told#me the price i cried harder so 500$ was the cheapest but pretty much my whole check#key man*#bad** LET ME FIX TAGS#allegedly all these ppl are privileged kids from a privileged background that grew up in a sheltered community and thing thereās no#consequences to their actions because of the lack of accountability from their parents who willing pay for people to look the other way
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cant believe that after driving the car, riding the train, booking a hotel room, having a nightmare, visiting the father in law, visiting a hospital, making a friend, and escaping an assassin, the incomprehensible Horrorsā¢ are back at it again and harder to bear than ever š»
#fandom related#malevolent#i feel just like arthur that after having some Normal Time and time w friends and family the Horrors are even more horrifying than before#also How is this man driving. w zero eyes and one arm and one leg. i imagine John is like#slow down arthur! hit the gas arthur! while steering. and arthur is shifting the gear. except that john has no experience in driving#so it would be like someone during their first ever driving lesson. creeping along slowly. being way too slow or way too fast for a given#situation. cops would stop them bc arthur isn't even looking at the road. he is bumping into so many other cars or the curb.#parking like shit. does john even know what the road signs mean š and oscar got into the car w him#maybe he was too busy reading that book to notice. or too enchanted by arthu#*Arthur#if arthur had a white cane he would constantly lose it while falling down holes or trip over it running from the horrors#i think it's been mentioned only 3 times that he can't see. to those cops on the lake to daniel and the butcher has mentioned it#honestly king shit running around blind and w only one arm and leg w the voice of an ancient god in his voice. also they are fucking driving#*in his head#why can't you edit tags on mobile!!? or do i have to update tumbler for that#anyway ever since starting malevolent ive been realizing i should be more grateful for my eyesight. my eyesight is already bad and i need to#wear glasses 24/7. also i have a diagnosis that has a kinda probability of making me blind once im old or smth#i mean eyesight decreases for everyone as they get older right. but yeah. and i v likely won't have the voice of an older god in my head to#help me see. so gotta be grateful now#i should go to bed it's almost midnight but i have to listen to the next episode i need to know what's going on and what will happen š#still hoping nothing further will happen to oscar and that he and arthur will stay friends. if you're reading this and you know this won't#be the case. nnnnggh :')
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happy birthday to me i celebrated by looking at my favourite sequence of images in the world and crying over it at half past midnight.
#im. 24 now.#appleyaps#gonna be honest with you guys idk where the fuck my life is heading atm.#but if this manga taught me anything its that i have to keep making choices in order to achieve my own happiness.#ive been making strides... im now exclusively using the men's toilets wherever i go.#and im working on getting a professional diagnosis so i can go on hrt... but the waiting lists are so long.#i took the transfer but now it turns out i still have to wait longer... even though i was promised help quickly.#i dont know how much longer i can take this though. being uncomfortable with myself. im sick of it. i just wanna live.#theres so many things id like to do. but my body and my voice are holding me back from it.#my mom and her boyfriend know now. but my mom doesnt understand and has never referred to me as a woman as much as she does now.#at least everyone at school uses he/him for me now. i was finally assertive about it in my new class#and everyone there calls me teddie. though i'd like people to use tom for me as well. my friends do.#i just need to be even more assertive from now on. im working on it. im doing my best. i wanna live.#at least i have lots to look forward too. thats whats keeping me going honestly. and my friends.#the hope that one day i get to look in the mirror and finally see myself. i want to believe that it can happen. i need it to happen.
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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#just a load of garbage#dont mind me yall#i feel as though im fucking falling apart#i've been crying myself to sleep every single night for the past week#and its just getting worse#i think the whole thing with that boy has just been the thing that fucking ended everythign for me#and by everything i mean me not wanting to kill myself#its not even that deep i dont even care that much#i swear i dont#its just the whole#all my friends are dating other people or have dated other people who cared about them#and i know my friends care about me and love me#but its not the same bc theres always someone they love more#and it sounds so selfish but i just want a best friend again#i dont know what happened#but somewhere along the line i lost my best friend#and i havent had one since#im close friends with all of my friends#but it just feels so fucking lonely#thats the whole thing#im surrounded by so many people in my fg#and its just so fucking#lonely#bc theres always someone who is more loved#and i just#ugh#idk#and its also like#im so sick of getting crushes on people#i wish it would just stop
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Iām always in and out of mega man circles and lore is a subject Iāve come to loathe sometimes as I enjoy the lore in this series but the gatekeeping was unreal over a series that didnāt have anything planned out-like most old video games trying to establish lore-so alterations to canon should be acceptable next to āaus exist for a reasonā but maybe itās just cause the fandom as is doesnāt like/give star force a chance, I wish low key people would be more accepting of the idea of āturning the FM-Ians into robots akin to the Stardroidsā because that would be such a raw concept for them to still exist in the robot timeline but as more space alien robots we never saw but I know people would get hissy at this idea not being ācanonā when this doesnāt invalidate the network timeline, itās just saying āwhat if these aliens both coexistā (cause I also fuck with the stardroids also being FM-Ians or space Navis if duo.exe can exist, but I feel like someone wouldāve done that by now but definitely hasnāt done this idea)
#meg text#I swear Iāve said something like this once before but fuck if Iām gonna look all the way through my archive#itās not even hard to sort through the early years cause I barely posted but my blogs back then were kinda cringe š#but also Iāve been actually playing BN cause I got the collection on sale so the light SF brain came to me#I should replayā¦ but I never actually beat the games after 1 I just got close to it and quit cause Iām a loser LOL#happens with many mm games sadly#but no Iād love to do something with this idea even if Iām terrible with designs#Thereās just soooo much you could do#Any animal like aliens id keep them animal shapes so theyād more be like mavericks but objects aliens would be humanoid#so it be a weird mix of mavericks + random human boss lol#I say their reploid equivalents bc I can see them appearing in 21XX onward but not reploids give yknow- aliens#Iāve never played the GBA classic games bc accessibility so I donāt know how the stardroids are#if they are given anything cause I assume theyād be free will but also maybe they have a objective to follow like the robot masters#cause like duo it either could be seen as he has free will and choosing to eliminate justice or that was what he was PROGRAMMED to do#god im like 1 of 5 people who care about regular duo I should also do something with him#I gotta talk to my one mm friend who shares the same takes as me about this LOL#also maybe the community nicer about lore ever since you know whoās downfall but I doubt it#if they argue about games why wouldnāt they argue over a silly fan concept#(also awhile ago I saw people harassing a fan devā¦ yeah not great)
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#i might be moving in with my girlfriend soon and i am scared lol#i just did not think this is something that would be happening this soon#i assumed itd be a few years because she just bought a house with some friends and i was oh okay im clearly not gonna be involved with that#which i was totally okay with and had absolutely no problems with#but apparently it was assumed I'd eventually move in and they always planned for four people to be in the house#and that was before I even met them and we realized that we actually get along pretty well#it's so weird but in a good way#i just feel like my life is clicking and falling into place#but it's still so scary and im nervous as fuck about it#im scared of not living at home because ive never not lived at home#im scared that living together might make us hate each other and end our relationship#im just scared of the change in general#but we will see what happens#plus we've kinda been testing out me being here for an extended amount of time and so far it's been going pretty well#ive had so many major life changes throughout the past two years and the adjusting to it has been a lot#and it's wild to think that a year ago i would have never even imagined that I'd be considering moving in with a person i met on bumble lol#life is weird and a lot but sometimes you meet people who make it worth it#personal
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Writing over 30,000 words worth of content for a fic only to realize itās all pointless because you have no interest in it anymore and you were never gonna finish it anywayā¦.
What even is The Point anymore
#current mood#itās so joever#this isnāt even the worst part honestly#what really sucks is that this project was the last thing in my life I had any sustainable interest in and now thatās gone too.#now I have nothing. like#the fuck am I supposed to do??? get a new interest??? thatās fucking impossible#nothing hits like it used to and everything is justā¦.blandā¦.and SO MUCH EFFORT to get into#like hobbies are so difficult? and my old hobbies (ex writing) are becoming more and more toxic and like a chore rather than something fun#like writing at this point has become a battle of perfectionism and Iām fucking losing#what am I supposed to do. nothing inspires me. I have no interests. no hobbies. not many friends irl#and itās not like we ever hang out because people are a fucking piece of work#either they cling to you like dog shit or they never respond to your texts no in between#im just so tired of existing??? and also college??? is fine but like#what the fuck am I DOING here like#why am I getting an art degree??? is this really how I should be spending my time and my parents money?#what the fuck am I gonna do for a job??? what do I WANT from a job???? I donāt even fucking know#i canāt see myself being happy in life doing anything and thatās such a nonstarter#it makes it impossible to start planning anything because I feel paralyzed with fear#and like I saidā¦.i donāt have any interests. I donāt LIKE anything. I am the antithesis of curiosity and interest like. thereās just nothing#i canāt do this anymore#im so done#idk why I made this so long but#I guess I have a lot on my mind I wanted to share#sorry for cringe posting on main it will happen again#im sorry in general actually for everything im sorry for being needy and attention seeking and annoying and flaky and never finishing any of#my fics because I lose interest and for not responding to anyone in my inbox Iām sorry#personal#cringe#cringetober#long tags
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puppets bunker and ddos attacks have never been so much fun
#me holding my alliance like a squeaky toy and only getting one commend for it#I held you together. I raised u. I saved u and this is the thanks I get#but no I fuck around and find out for funsies and itās like. six commends#anyway I was telling my friend like. I donāt have to thinkā#okay both healers die in alliance C and I rez one#I look back at my own alliance and half of everyone is dead. co-healer included#and then a bunch of them die again on the same mech#we almost die to the flyers not being killed bc the other alliances are dying#we get to the alliance split and our tank has an issue come up so he has to afk#so Iām keeping this ninja alive on a prayer#then half of the alliance dies again bc they went the wrong way w the arrow chaser aoes#that happened twice. there was a 30 percent boss health percentage difference going on#the icing on the cake tho was after the phase change in the final bossāboom ddos attack#so many people disconnecting. so many dying#alliance B lost everyone but the dps#it was carnage and Iām sitting here like. trying to keep everyone alive#tho like. Im not mad or upset about it tbh#itās the sort of healer chaos where youāre sitting there juggling a bunch of stuff#that scratches the peanut of my brain#itās much better chaos compared to CT raid chaos#mostly bc shield healers are the most fun at those levels compared to regen. to me at the very least#I have more resources at 80 w whm compared to 50 when shit hits the fan#but also pressing more than two buttons is more fun#CT just becomes utterly unbearable when you have people causing problems on purpose#when it is not an agreed upon clown time#ppl always talk about how bosses in nier have too much health when im like#im glad for it bc i like seeing mechanics#I love myths of the realm but when the final boss of the first raid can be killed before the most interesting mechanic is kinda#itās kinda dogshit#owen talks
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hi quick question are The Events ever going to stop happening or am i just going to have to be "so brave about it" until i die
#im tired of being so brave about it this sucks ass!!!!!!!!!!#practically every member of my family that i'm close with has had a major health scare since the pandemic#i haven't had any irls since then either and i even struggle to make friends online#and the accident happened right before the lockdown#and this is on top of my already dreadful living conditions#like genuinely does it ever fucking get easier#because people keep SAYING it will but it's been five fucking years and it's only gotten worse#how many times do i have to hit rock bottom before the universe lets me out of this hole i can't keep doing this#marin complains
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ngl itās genuinely kinda crazy how much of my life i have lost to mental illness :3 lol
#purrs#not time wise necessarily but likeā¦ aspect wise. like talking to my friends and pursuing hobbies and doing things that give my life meaning#and the very nature of the mental illness reinforces the detachment and fills me with so so so much shame for having lost these things that#it deters me from fighting to get it back. i feel like my life has gotten so gaunt since covid hit and sometimes it occurs to me how many#terrible things ahve happened and how im still pushing forward and everything is fine except for when i Remember. im feeling it now mr krab#delete later#like i used to be someone who hung out with my friends at least once a week and texted back and wrote poetry and played piano and kept my#room clean and took great care to stay organized and connected. and now at my own hands i am spiralling through space. im fighting my way#out of the quicksand i really think i am trying to but im still very much in the quicksand š»#side note idk if anyone else is having this problem but lately tumblr has been adding two hashtags to tags which keeps knocking off an#extra character to the end of my tags and itās fucking annoying. i meant *krabs not krab lol
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why do ppl always assume i wanna RP š do i look RP-able or
#its actually CRAZY how many times this has happened#we will be havinga normal ass conversation then suddenly theyre like *pokes ur sides* and im like š§š½āāļø#ngas straight up just dont ask for consent or permission and its wild lmao#anyways with all this said#I DO NOT RP š£ļø#i dont care if ive known you for 100 years or just 1 min#i. do not. rp.#so do not send me messages trying to 'fluster' me or get me to react a certain way. i will EMBARRASS you.#the next motherfucker that tries me is getting blocked and THEN imma tell all ur friends that u dont care about consent or boundaries š#TIGHTEN THE FUCK UP#and that's my rant for the day#vent post
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i just need to make it to shabbat i just need to make it to shabbat i just need
#šµāš«šµāš«šµāš«#short response due tmrw ; seminar presentation potentially tmrw WHICH I ONLY JUST REMEMBERED ; short seminar quiz to do before friday ;#latin club āhomeworkā which im probably gonna tell my friend i cant continue w bc my weekly workload is already too overwhelming w 3 courses#+ i have to have by thrice yearly lunch w my evangelical godmother which means 3 hour convo half dedicated to getting me to abandon judaism#and half to getting me to repent my sinful homosexual ways and go back to being a nice straight girl#all of which is going to happen in public and she WILL tear up at multiple points of the conversation and it WILL be supremely awkward#when people inevitably start eavesdropping bc let's be real if i were at a cafe overhearing this convo i would be listening in too#and everyone's like 'ugh why dont you just tell her to fuck off' but im the only trans person and the only observant jew she has ever met#two groups against which she already has so many preconceived notions so like. idk it feels like my responsibility#as someone who knows her and who she acc cares about (vs a stranger) to try and give her a different perspective on these things ???#like if me being patient and calmly explaining why i transitioned/why i converted can stop her even slightly from sliding even further right#(and like she's Right Wing like covid denial right wing)#and if it might mean the next trans person or whtvr that she interacts with has it slightly easier then like. sure j can sit through#a couple irritating hours every few months#but its just suuuch a shit time for it like im meeting her thursday after class when i have a massive fucking assignment to hand in on sat#which FUCK gotta add that to the list#ā annotated bibliography due saturday aka friday bc shabbos#okay okay. im done losing my mind in the notes šµāš«šš»#p.s.
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#ok i said i was goin to bed but lmao a few things. or maybe just 1#me this year compared to last year? what an astronomical difference#i think i really.... came into my own. like thats the saying right#i think im at the best ive ever been. and like..... honestly i never thought id be able to make friends again but lmao i made so many at#school and like it took awhile#and like i also Know im Different n Confident bc not only am i into someone irl.... i legit like..... purposefully got to know him#like usually i stay the fuck away. but like idk a switch happened. and im like ok but why NOT me???? like im cute.... im fun... all that#like !!!!! idk !!!! why not?????#so ya........... JDJDJDJDJJD maybe this doesnt seem like much but to me its a Huge Deal JDJDJJDMDMDMDMS#n i hope the trend continues this way !!!!#like heck i even talk so casually to the profs. like lmao who am i JDJDJDJDJDJD#i am worried tho.... that when i transition back to working in jan (lmao lets be real... probs wont get a job til after then).... that i'll#go back to being Closed Off#its just really hard for me to open up.... but idk i think this year has taught me that like..... it's worth it....#and ya.... hoping i can continue this !!!!!#personal
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