#this semester drained me
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if you've been following along, i have an important update to share with you all
I JUST FINISHED MY LAST FINAL LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOO
#FUCK FINALS#ALL THE HOMIES HATE FINALS#this semester drained me#i feel so devoid#yall im so happy#and i have like three weeks until summer semester starts#so i can finally fulfill my destiny of writing x reader fanfic#my requests aren't gonna know what hit them#yapping#margot v grad school
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wink
#winter semester draining me aaaurugghh#wish i had the energy to draw more of these boys#monkey wrench#shrike sanchez#beebs#doodles
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you all know that audio from bladerunner? "you look lonely i can fix that"?? my brain wouldn't let me rest until i haven't drawn that with Sun n Moon
but jokes aside, really self-indulgent comic bc both Security Breach and Ruin came out when i was at a low point mentally and helped me greatly just be able to move forward and get through each day (and i won't even be getting into how much these 2 fictional robot jesters have helped me refind my passion for drawing)
i really hope that more people can relate to this :))
#anyways i mean it when i say my brain wouldn't rest until i whipped my pencil out n started drawing#tbh i stumbled upon the audio waaay back like 5-6 months ago??#but just now like literally just now i though#damn that REALLY fits Sun n Moon#i think it might be bc this semester was really stressful for me#and this last month has been hell#i was honestly drained physically and mentally#but i managed to go through each day and move forward#n just when my whole energy was running out n just when i had a couple of days left where i had to work more than my body could carry#right then Ruin came out and it was like;; really a breath of fresh air#my brain was suddenly thinking about the lore and theories and not anymore stressing abt projects and exams#while i still had to work Ruin gave me a push to be able to finish what i had to do#now i'm taking a small 2 week break where i'm gonna go easier with uni work and letting my body heal itself :))#but anyways enough rambling n everything#i really hope more of y'all can relate to this comic :))#now onto the tags#fnaf daycare attendant#fnaf superstar daycare#sundrop#moondrop#fnaf sun#fnaf moon#moondrop x y/n#sundrop x y/n#tw eye contact#doodles#traditional doodle#comic#Ghost doodles
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University has been KICKING MY ASS so its been a struggle getting motivation (or time) to do anything more than a sketch/doodle for the past week. But with all my assignments either done or 90% of the way, here's hoping that changes
#what's worse is they're not even particularly hard#these are probably some of the easiest classes I've done since semester 1#they're just incredibly tedious and time consuming#and draining#my art#sketch#me#fursona#furry art#complaining
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Dread be dreading
#ughg#i usually have awful thoughts randomly popping up here or there#make me pretty anxious for a few days then i won't think about them for a while#but man i can't handle doubts suddenly resurfacing#like this monday i was listening to my last lecture and everything bad i cooked up a in the past few months hit me like a truck#couldn't even focus i was too busy internally chanting shit fuck i don't want this i made a huge mistake shit shit#i won't be able to handle all this responsibility i'm so tired this will butcher my mental health should have chosen media studies fuuuck#what was i thinking what am i gonna do help#then proceeded to distract myself with an electric outlet otherwise i might have started crying#:/#and those thoughts aren't wrong unfortunately#i love this university and the classes and the things i study#the teachers and my classmates and the kids i got to take care of#but i don't think i could do this for real#i'm not even struggling with anything i'm just scared and tired as hell#and thought i could just. power through it- like if i'm stubborn enough it won't matter that it's draining#but damn#and hell originally i came here because i wanted to teach english to kids#i guess my expectations were too high i don't feel like i've learned anything that useful this far#and turns out it won't get better#we just gonna do presentations again#to be fair i loved researching nursery rhymes but i hoped we would have... more. of that#also about media studies. chief... i crave to be there#could have picked the english specialization there too- i'm a moron. a bozo. holy shit#well. gonna go through this semester either way. because again everything i study here (almost everything) is genuinely great and useful#and perhaps i'm just in a Pit right now#the dread pit#should probably break this to my sister. somehow#random squeak
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im really sad that i wont be able ta do choir next semester but i will make up for it by singing as loudly as possible in my house everyday and annoying my whole family
#spacie spoinks#need ta keep my chords limber#cuz im comin back next fall#ooooh buddy.... oooouuuu#i gotta find a community choir after college#if i dont make harmonies with other people i might die i think#next semester its gonna be like my blood is being drained out of my body#music....save me music......#save me...#GALDIVE#GALDIVE MY BELOVED MUSICIANS#SAVE ME GALDIVE#YOUUUUUU YOUUU ARE THE ONT THAT I LOVE RHE ONE WHO DOESNT MAKE IT FEEL MUNDANE
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words cannot even begin to express how much i adore this man
#caddicarus#he is such an angel oh my god#i hope someone recorded the whole show#i've seen the clip of the proposal that happened!!#and i saw the little clip of jim reading out that crazy hate mail from october LMAO#seems like lots of amazing things happened at this show.#unfortunately i don't live on the east coast where cool shit like this happens!#bro looked SMOKING in that suit holy shit#and it seems like he's picked up the habit of flashing a peace sign in every photo just like me lol#anyWAY i know i said a week ago i was writing a BPJ about TCWOC and it obviously hasnt come out yet...#i keep meaning to sit down and write it but man this school semester has been mentally DRAINING#idk y'all might have to wait a few weeks 😭#but i will say i adored that blu ray
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this one week of new semester is more draining than the entire last year if I'm being serious
#personal#at least after this year I'll be graduate#but for this I've to survive these two intensive semester#my battery is already drained and it's been just a week#8-9 hours everyday (including commuting) is tiring af#not to mention this horrible hot humid and rainy weather#and I so much miss my last year's courses they filled me with passion and yearning for learning
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Hi there!
I recently read The Hands of the Emperor because of your poll tournament and I was wondering if you ever did a compiled reveals post because I haven't seen one and I want more books to read.
Thanks in advance 😊
I am thinking I might reorganize the spreadsheets i use with the google answers and post those . .. soon. . . .one day. . . .but yeah I haven't posted them yet and i realize how much navigating tumblr sucks!!
#and also finish the tournament im sorryyyyyy#grad school is draining me this semester#and on vacation my gf came to visit#and i also had an annotated bibliography to write . ..
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not to be like “i miss college” even though i do but mostly i think i miss being smart. before depression and life events had chewed up and partially swallowed my brain. just getting to problem solve and think, being Very Into something as the norm. i know being an english major is basically the easiest thing you can be at the undergrad level but i do feel like that was the one and only time in my life where my natural state was actually a pro instead of a con. i graduated with the highest honors and absolutely no one cared but i cared
#aster chat#family life exploding exactly one (1) month from graduation is still just. it. god. it was almost seven years ago and it still hurts#SO much. i had worked so hard to graduate with the honors i did#i took a 400 level history class in my 2nd semester with one of the hardest humanities profs and i got a B#i basically lived in a break room for a whole semester because my misophonia was so bad with my roommate at night#i stashed pillows and blankets behind a couch and slept there to stay sane enough to write my papers#i got so close to Ending Things three times and DIDN'T#my professors LOVED ME#and then graduation came and it was just. over.#went right back home to sit between my parents as much as i could and get yelled at and watch everything go down the drain#like as soon as i walked out of college i stopped existing except as something for my parents and my job to use up#like. i know it's cringy to still be thinking about college but that was the last time i mattered as myself. you know#people liked me because of my brain! my thoughts! not for what i could do for them or for a paycheck#me qua me#okay lmao Antidepressant Time bye#no offense but my english classes wouldn't have made me feel weird about saying 'boon' instead of 'pro' up there#i changed it to not sound like an assclown but my profs would have thought it was funny.
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I do find it so funny that I will graduate college days away from my birthday. Like my birthday is literally in between the end of the semester ("graduation") and commencement
It really will be like a joint graduation & birthday party for me lmao
#speculation nation#i dont really do birthday parties anymore. havent in a long time. mostly just go out and do smth fun around my bday. ya kno#also have cake but like not in a party way. just like. here's cake lol#but im probably only gonna graduate from college once. which means i might as well live it up and all.#invite all sorts of extended family and people who have known me. etc etc.#actually it just kinda sunk in that i am. Computer and Information Technology (Systems Analysis and Design focus) w a minor in Communication#like those are words. it's a lot of words but actually it really is pretty accurate?? like that's indeed what ive been studying.#now how much i *remember* is another question. considering how long ive taken to get thru school lol#but that's what people will see on my degree. that's my Thing. graduated in Computer Systems and Talking.#idk it's just weird to have spent so much of my life on this and like That's the culmination. it took so much work.#even beyond a normal 4 years. i switched my major *twice*. switched my minor too.#first year engineering to undecided liberal arts (as a temp major trying to switch to computer science bc i couldnt stay in FYE)#but then computer science sucked so i switched to trying to get into computer & info tech. which is different. and better.#and ive been in it long enough now that ive kinda forgotten but it did take some fuckin work to switch into it.#like i had to take certain classes first & i couldnt take them during the semesters that in-major students would take them#and i had to have my gpa up to a certain level etc etc. so many hoops to jump thru. i think it took me at least a year. or more. idr#but i made it in and thats my major. thats my thing. computers and information systems and communication.#doesnt FEEL like im an almost-graduate. but then i think about all the things ive taken and learned.#and maybe i dont remember a lot of the more specific things from these classes. but i took core lessons away from each one.#wont be able to recite the theories but i can live them. and thats the point of an education i guess.#anyways im gonna have to start job searching before too long and eughhbb. need to get my license first tho probably.#which i will... i will.... i have so many things to deal with... my life will be So Different in a year...#it will require me to put in the work now. but i can do it. and then a year from now. i'll hopefully be in a better spot.#living somewhere else. graduated from college. with a license and a car. maybe even an IT job of some kind.#kind of scared of trying to find a Big Boy Job. aka a job that requires a degree and networking and all that shit.#rather than just showing up and being like Hi i can do this job. i am not a total drain of a person. hire me please 👍#hfkahfks so many things to think about. and through it all i am still dealing with DEADLINES...!!!!#but yeah this is why my writing has largely been put on hold. idk i have a lot of things im dealing with rn.
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my entire body is exhausted
survived my first day of student teaching, and i’m sure this’ll sum up every day for the next 3 months
#i have been up since 5:15am and i am drained#but anyway in terms of my day#it was actually pretty decent#i’m in a 4th grade class & during the day i kept trying to remember me as a 9 year old LOL bc most of the kids are 9 or will be soon#i hope that i sleep like a rock#1 day down. just 13 more weeks to go😃😃#i’m not here for the entire semester tho. i leave in mid october & then i go to my other placement which is 2nd grade#tomorrow is thursday tho🫶🏻🫶🏻#thank god#abby’s announcements
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I’m writing my first fics for both Miguel and tengen respectively and I am????? so nervous????? I haven’t written anything outside of mha/jjk for so long and it’s scaring me. what if these other people boo me and throw tomatoes at me
#two years ago I wrote everything but bnha for a whole summer bc the fandom was draining for me#and it was SO FREEING#now I am but a mere little hermit crab used to being in the same safe space#especially since the kny fic is about grief and someone made it very clear that they weren’t happy about that idea lol#I wanna finish them tho!!! they’re both started and like 1-1.5k words each#I’m just struggling to get into the groove of writing again + they’re new characters for me!!!!#hopefully my cramps aren’t too bad this week so that I can finish at least one before the semester starts!!!#—in store chit chat! 🍫
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i think i played sims 4 with my sister for six hours straight today?
#vixella + james turner's sale promo post convinced me#$33 dollars down the drain BUT it was for the two packs i'd most likely use anyway#we made ace attorney characters partly to captivate my sister's attention and also because it's funny as fuck#though i do have OCs in mind... yes it's 1:30 AM but i might just like...#write some more OCs. and watch more vixella :) i love her content sm#i also kind of wanted to figure out what sims traits my irl friends would have because i think it's funny#but i can't tell if that's the sort of thing i need to debrief them about#or to like never mention because who the fuck cares#ultimately i truly do not think any of them would give a shit but you know#(btw we got romantic garden stuff (free); city living ($16); and seasons ($16) + base game (free))#both city living & seasons would ordinarily be $30-40 so...#we also want to circle back to grab cats & dogs (~$30-40; $16 on this sale but it's only 24 hr)#but i thought that city living was more strategic at the moment#+ i would in the long run LOVE to have growing together or parenthood... and parenthood runs cheaper in general...#but i already have spent a lot of money this semester :/#mostly because Ooh Purchase Euphoria! and also because my college is located somewhere which. sigh.#has FAR higher prices than where i currently live#in a way that is truly horrifying but i do in fact go to college and need to get groceries somehow#so it's more of a desensitization thing because that does still need to occur#so like $33 dollars is very reasonable is my point
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i’m someone who sees things in like constant shades of grey and i quite often try to see the light side of things and i think i’m constantly reminded of all the great stuff i have in my life. also i am full of gratitude all the time and also every time something bad happens to me i’m like yknow what this makes sense🫶 all these bad things suck but they lead to so many amazing things i’m hyper aware of the butterfly effect. so uhm i’m a pretty resilient person if i do say so myself. so today when i came to the realization of OH. i’m having a BAD YEAR!
#literally got picked on by a prof in december that like momentarily zapped all my curiosity for everything academic#family stuff that actually makes me wanna die so bad#a couple ocd episodes that made me go insane#severely boring winter semester#my cat got sick and i drained my entire savings account#BROKE AS SHIT#also the fucking emotional stress of having my new cat get critically ill and almost dying#insane arguments with my mom realizing i don’t feel comfortable in my home <4#down bad severely down bad for a man#non stop work my life is non stop deadlines#two back to back courses that like took over my entire summer didn’t get a break at all#didn’t get the internship i wanted more than life itself#(which ended up being a positive but still)#underemployed up until three weeks ago#MENTALLY ILL!!! STILL#constant chronic pain and nausea that is unexplained#lost enough weight to see my ribs cause i couldn’t fucking eat#all my friends gone this summer#just feel blue so often#so many amazing things happened this year and i am excited and i still love life#but damn i feel beaten down like a dog#oh and did i mention the ongoing stress of watching your people get genocided through the internet :)#the absolute erosion of identity that like you already felt so disconnected from#as you watch the place you yearn for more than anything get completely nuked off the earth :)#and actually your moms homeland isn’t enough they need to start bombing your dads homeland too ;)
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In a bit of a rough spot right now (woke up to an email about the test results for our cat and he's got kidney issues that need further expensive testing + dog is on new pricey meds) so if I'm distant or more awkward than usual that's why ✌️no harm or insult meant to anyone
#when my RSI calms down I'll make another comm post but for now doing art will make it super worse#man I hate this happening in my birthday month of all times#but that's on me for not banking on having enough money to take them in last month instead#their annuals are normally in August anyways it's just. $900 for two exams plus all their vaccines plus new dog meds + additional testing-#-bc the cat had lost weight so...#put me under what I can afford for rent and drained all of my savings + what I already had set aside for them#and I really don't know that I can afford the rest for treating the cat#but yeah uh. super tight on money. won't be able to afford to do anything for myself on the 20th. don't know that I can afford glasses#hoping against hope that I get a big scholarship or student loan reimbursement this upcoming semester
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