#this seems excessive
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I will never stop this
Every season I have to make a post about how indescribable D20 related grief is.
There is such a wildness to it where I feel my heart like sinking as I process it all. And like you find these beautiful stories about cycles, about loss and love and the things we do for secrets and for the things we love and the things we want. The sacrifices we're willing to make. The way war and death and grief takes people apart piece by piece and never rebuilds them. The way we are changed when we're left behind in a world without someone we thought we'd have forever. The feeling of finally having something to want, something that's yours, that's solid and something that's beginning only to have it ripped out from beneath you. The people we turn into when there is nothing to do but to run. The way fear and trauma and torment can make a person do things they wouldn't otherwise, how they influence decisions and desires and how freedom becomes a blessed commodity. The way we find that people need each other but sometimes they just can't. The way ambition blinds and ruins. The way the people who are gone leave ripples in their wake, something new as they die, something blooming from their decaying.
Like there's this deep story about the cyclical nature of the world and the way it's all so unforgiving. A narrative about how life finds a way, among the struggles of a girl who should be dead growing up too quick in a war and learning to want instead of just need. A plot about a man who loses everything trying to find something to prove that there is a purpose to his torment, that he can be saved.
And it's beautiful
And then you have to explain to your friends that you're crying because the radish grandpa and the chili pepper satanist died.
Like how the fuck am I meant to explain the profound grief of a mango? Or the way that ambition has absolutely crushed a pastrami sandwich who, even more than greatness, seemed to want love. The way greasy provolone cheese tells a story of regret and atoning for one's mistakes.
#Colin provolone I think deserves the world actually#Everyone in this show needs a fucking hug#I never though garbage disposal cult would be a phrase I'd have to use but i guess this is my life now#Like i thought that I was only meant to cry about chilis when i ate them#this seems excessive#I have never felt so deeply attached to a pastrami sandwich#I dont even like mangoes or pastrami or chili but I am currently a mess so#d20 spoilers#the ravening war spoilers#trw spoilers#d20 trw
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Day 14 of my period
#I started birth control and I know it can screw with your period when you first start it but still#this seems excessive
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What kind of culture has you dump a lot of flaming oil and sacrifice a woman and play the drums and get everyone together just so you can see a Big Monke?
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pvp civ nation...... this aint much but pls take my contribution for this series bc im going insane i love hate this man so much get him out of my head
#senart#pvp civilization#pvp civ#I'LL MAKE A PROPER ONE I SWEARR I JUST NEED TO GET THIS OUT OF MYSYSTEM FIRST#if it turns out he gets a bad ending in ep 6 i dont think i'll be ok like#he deserves a good ending . or a villain arc at least. he deserves to go batshit crazy after how everyone treated him#ALSOO the chekovs gun video journal device thing?? The excessive 4th wall breaking?#Is it just me or does jt feel like evbo is gonna lose his memory/already lost his memory and was sent to the wood sword lvl with tabi#or like . Idk?? It feels kind of truman show ish. Well maybe not that but its just the vibe im getting w the way that everyone has their-#-own secrets. How the diamond swords seems to know who evbo n tabi is. How princezam knows about the diamond swords#and then theres also parrot whos just?? Weird overall?? Idk whats going on w him but i need to know his backstory wdym u think evbo will-#-hate you if he knows what you did??#ANYWAY BACK TO THE VIDEO JOURNAL AND POTENTIAL MEMORY LOSS.#I dont want jt to go that way (mostly bc i dont want to see evbo suffer more than he already did) but it rlly does seem like its heading to#that direction w the way that it also has become a way to narrate what he went through (ie when the ep shows his attempts to beat the-#gold sword lvl but hes narrating it from the future. from his video journal. where he already beat the lvl)#im going insane#Wait also what i meant by the truman show vibe in relation to the excessive 4th wall breaks it makes it sound like pvp civ is just a -#simulation#wait i just remembered its the matrix not that mb umm#anyways.#empty chattering
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the strength it must have taken for illario to not immediately go full 'lmao since when have you even had a kiss hello lucanis' sibling violence mode during the café talk. inspirational. rook and lucanis really were doing all that right in front of his salad huh
#lucanis is being SO cringe with that line right out there in public and I would die for him. it's just such a weird thing to say#tbf if anyone in the world is used to the insane things lucanis says and would go 'yes yes lucanis waxing poetic about coffee#in ways normal people reserve for trying to get in someone's pants (the roast won't fuck you lucanis)#we've all heard it' like it's all normal I suppose it would be illario. and also he's too busy with the 'shit fuck shit he's not dead#he's not dead of the family members 'supposed' to be dead we're at two definite failures out of two and woe me if the twain should meet#if that IS a demon in there it sure talks exactly in the same bizarre way only my cousin does#does that mean anything what the fuck do I do who do I kill about this' internal monologue I guess#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#illario dellamorte#lucanis dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#I mean he does very much say that to a non-romancing rook too which only makes it all the more delightfully odd#is it a very lucaniscore way of testing the waters. is it just how he always talks about coffee. many plausible approaches here#no one forced him to bring up kisses and 'you should try it' out of the blue like that is all I'm saying. he could have acted normal#(theoretically)#i feel there are reasons to read some stuff into it lol#lucanis when rye says he prefers tea: it's so over cautious overture I don't quite understand myself yet gently rebuffed#lucanis when rye takes him up on the 'so what should a first kiss be' theme: oh we're so back!!!! wait. what. what do I do now#what is this#it's kind of really sweet that rook answers with their own playfully florid beverage based barely hidden metaphor at the end too#matching freaks and having fun with it#as far as lucanis is concerned rye's only true flaws are 1) prefers tea to coffee (oh well. no one can be perfect. cross-cultural love#can conquer all even in this) and 2) weird taste in interior design (did we really HAVE to bring your 15 foot tall corpse statues#with us home rook. I can understand a tasteful skull here and there but this seems excessive. well if it makes you happy I guess)
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my little investment bankers
#american psycho#patrick bateman#paul allen#tim bryce#tim price#patrick bateman x paul allen#there’s zero canon info to design meaningful CMs#paul’s CM is the freaking sun cuz he’s Paul Allen#he would win every cm competition#I know it seems like an excessive amount of unicorns#there will be more#throwing up in the tag
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yeah to me it feels like the popular idea that John was homophobic/beat his kid(s)/taught them that having emotion makes you weak is just ppl choosing to interpret 'abusive father' in the shallowest most black-and-white movie villain way possible. when the ways he fucks them up in canon are so much more interesting and complicated.
#if anything it seems like his problem is being excessively emotional and fragile to the point where they had to walk on eggshells around him#he was like step 1 parentify 1st kid until he believes desire is inherently selfish and that it's his job 2 save the entire world.#step 2 make other kid a Symbol of Lost Innocence in a way that subtly Others and Infantilizes him.#step 3 isolate them so they only have each other step 4 tell one to 'save or kill' the other step 5 DIE.#supernatural#john winchester
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#a doodley#the thing about drawing cheye is i like giving different characters different eye styles right#and like its usually with intent like how talon has his dead vs full of life eyes and al has his cute little eye shines#i get torn with how i draw em on me bc adding eye shine or stylization always feels too excessive....#but without it (which is my fave way to draw eyes just simple flat color!) it seems like im also doing it in that intentional#''lol lifeless eyes'' way qhich isnt true to life#alas
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lately i have been a bit miffed by the lack of awareness when it comes to queer characters, and more specifically sapphic characters, in the Star Wars canon. so, in my capacity as the patron saint of lesbian visibility, i've decided to quit whining about it and be the one to spread some knowledge
without further ado.....a very long and obnoxious lesson
now let me tell you about them. in detail. through very specific categories
you don't have anything else to do, right?
CATEGORY ONE: GAY. ON. SCREEN.
they're gay. on screen.
CATEGORY TWO: THE A WORD
Doctor Aphra and her web of lesbianity
CATEGORY THREE: HANDGAYDENS
Padme Amidala and her gay handmaidens
CATEGORY FOUR: THE HIGHLY GAY REPUBLIC
all the many, many queers of the golden age of the jedi
CATEGORY FIVE: VIDEO GAYMES
queers from the Jedi games and related media
CATEGORY SIX: GAY FROM A CERTAIN POINT OF VIEW
characters created for or made queer in the From a Certain Point of View books
CATEGORY SEVEN: COMICALLY QUEER
wlws from comics not involved with Aphra
CATEGORY EIGHT: BOOKED AND GAY
characters who are gay in books, even if nowhere else
whew. still here?
thank you for scrolling all the way through this. if you are interested in talking about any of these people or want to know how to learn more about them on your own, my inbox is always open!!
and seriously folks, if you’re interested in any of them i implore you: read their stories, write fic, make art!!! the more we show that these characters are appreciated and talked about, the more likely we are to get more like them, and hopefully more that are even better and more visible rep
that’s all from me. have a gay day
#this is the result of a day and a half of pure madness#i hope it's worth it#star wars#international lesbian day#nitearmor#wolfwren#(normally i wouldn't do this but y'all are the target audience here)#ahsoka#velcinta#andor#padme amidala#sabedala#nightsister merrin#jedi survivor#jedi fallen order#the high republic#doctor aphra#idk what else to tag without doing every character#which seems excessive even for me#queer characters#wlw#lesbian#my posts#bookmarks
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A Cycle, Unending
#art tag#digital art#illustration#procreate#fanart#legend of zelda#totk#botw#legend of zelda fanart#legend of zelda link#loz link#id in alt text#tagging for every individual Zelda game seems excessive#also this took me ~19 hours#12x24 in#best work
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Pages from trying to keep a little sketchbook-scrapbook type thing going for two weeks lol. I gave myself specific rules in hopes they might all end up more cohesive/consistent seeming, but alas, scribbly chaos reigns, it seems
#sketchbook#scrapbook#Actually I feel like these are kind of incomprehensible in photo form like.. In person holding the book its easy to look at#but as images on this scale I feel like there's so much tiny little text and small scribles and stuff you'd have to 'right click > open#image in new browser tab > zoom in' just to actually really see the thing. which for 7 images is excessive lol.. so. probably not the best#medium for sharing really but. I suppose I thought they might look cooler lined up next to each other. The whole part of using a#limited color palette is so that maybe they kind of seem to have more consistent color schemes or something throughout. but I dont#know if they look all that 'related' or not. I think these types of challenges I have always sucked at because I am a being of clutter and#excess. I can't just do like one little simple nice looking design and have that Crisp Neat calligraphy with evenhanded perfect lines#and perfect symmetical composition and etc. etc. Like some poeple post very aesthetically clean and cohesive looking sketch#pages or something but I simply cannot hold back the brain impulse to add more. more. more. Fill every single blank space with color#or a little drawing or a sticker or something. I take away 500 things and there are still a million there. Even when I thik I'm being#'simplistic' I'm still usually being 2x more complicated and cluttered than the standard or whatever lol. I guess thats clear from my#outfits/costumes though too. Like whatever that saying is from that person about something like 'before you leave the house take off one#more accessory. you dont need it' for me is like.. 'before you leave the house. add 10 more accessories. and 6 more layers. and another'#AAANyway. I wonder if also maybe some people would try to plan theirs in a way to look good or something or like.. plot things on the page#before placing them. I did sometimes have a theme for a day kind of (like day 10 I ended up finding a few gold and green things and then#was like.. hey... what if I looked for a few other things and only used these colors today') but aside from that I was just slapping down#stickers randomly and working around them to fill the page. Maybe a lot of neat minimalistic asthetic design is about planning and#having a Vision set ahead of time. instead of just complete random whatever. doodling whilst watching youtube videos or eating lunch. It's#a miracle actually I've managed to not spill any food on the book the whole time. anyway.. I do wish the highlighter really showed up. the#scanner kind of makes the colors look VERY different to irl. But also it got much clearer images than just camera pictures of pages. alas..#..Still oddly enjoy the phrase 'Salisbury Steak gently kissed with industrial pollutants'#probably my favorite section of 'gluing random papers and things onto the page' lol#Also I wonder if it's super obvious that I literally never ever use references when I draw (save for the few freakish looking youtube#face sketches) since everyone is always in the same positions and looking very similar ghhb. This could have been a good opportunity to#work on not solely drawing from my mind and try to do more Dynamic Experimental scribbles. NO. Same exact eye for the 90th time#be upon ye. But I guess it was meant to be casual 'daily doodles'. True 'practice' would make it seem too effortful like a full project. hm#(lol the one decimated pencil in the set... never hand me a writing utensil. i will passively destroy it somehow. shaving the sides of a#pencil off with a knife or snapping a pen in half as a nervous fidget without even realizing i've done it. sorry to the drawing implements)
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What’s your least favorite TOS episode?
(i made a post once asking people to tag their favorite and least favorite, i got these from there)
#okay here’s the poll#tumblr poll#star trek#star trek tos#spirk#tos spirk#tos#tos spock#spock#james t kirk#sorry if y’all hate my polls#send me anonymous hate and it might make me stop#never know how long to make these#a day isn’t long enough but a week seems excessive#btw my least fav is metamorphosis#it used to be a tie between a few of these but i’ve recently reconsidered#Miri is a close second#wWHY is he flirting with that child???#please i need to know why the fuck anyone would ever write that#the episode could have been very good if he just hadn’t been flirting with a child the whole time
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Imagine if Machete was Muslim instead of Catholic. His name would be something like Saif سيف, and Vasco would probably be something like Dhahabi ذَهَبِيّ
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#I don't know Arabic so I can't weigh in that much but if you say so!#it seems like these mean “sword” and “golden” respectively that's neat#Machete wouldn't be able to cling to his Catholic guilt in that case#I don't think Islam has the same concept of original sin that Christianity does#I'm simplifying but it's a belief that humans are born with an innate tendency for evil sinning is part of our nature#and staying on the positive and in God's good graces requires a lot of repentance which can lead to excess guilt and shame#I could be wrong but I'm under the impression that this idea of a manufacturing error is a very Christian thing#sorry I know you didn't sign up to hear me try to talk about big theology things and I don't want to make it weird#but I find this stuff really interesting I unironically like to read and think about how religions work#and how they shape things they come in contact with#in Machete's case in particular his troubled relationship with God and his career choice are big parts of his character#and why he turned the way he did and thinks the way he does you know#answered#kachavashka#Dhahabi is such a regal sounding name#I'd steal that in a heartbeat if I didn't already have one extremely gold-coded character
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Fucks me up jobs expect workers to show up despite wild circumstances. I remember at a former job having to traverse sub zero temperatures just to walk to my job because they refused to close the building. I remember having to work front line in covid as an immune compromised individual with no vaccine produced yet and when concerns were expressed, my superiors responded with "when workers get infected, these parts of the building will be closed". God forbid you lose a family member. You're expected to show up anyway.
Today my boss told me to contact an office to confirm if a doctor has his papers in order. I say: they won't pick up, and he asks why, to which I responded: THEY WERE IN DIRECT LINE OF MILTON, YOU KNOW, THE DEVISTATING HURRICANE PART 2?? WHY WOULD THEY PICK UP???
#fuck capitalism#we work in healthcare. you would think that wellbeing would be at the forefront of concern but NOPE#also: told my boss i had no power because of the storm so i cant work from home#and then he's like: u call the power company? you know the eta of the power company? where u live?#and im like??? girl. hurricane ran through and i aint got power. that should be sufficient enough#was staying somewhere else with fam and power out so i had to uber 45 min back to my house to go to work from home. idk seems excessive#vent tw#anyway the doc office didnt pick up bc of milton reasons. i did call and email at request of le boss but my logic was sound#and confirmed
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EDGAR EDGAR EDGAR-
(Design/au by @player0 who is the coolest btw)
#sorry player0 if this seems excessive 😭🙏#This au just happened to take over my mind-#sketch#fanart#doodle#art#illustration#artists on tumblr#electric dreams edgar#edgar electric dreams#electric dreams movie#electric dreams#not my Au#RobotCollege!Au
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what if the reason yorishima and natsume have all these vague "who is this guy? he feels familiar somehow..." feelings about each other is because the name of the youkai who's possessing yorishima's arm is in the book of friends lol. yorishima isn't grandpa but there's a part of him (the youkai part) that knew reiko, and maybe he doesn't consciously have access to that part, so he has a reaction but doesn't know why. i'm not sold on this but it would be kinda funny. i'm getting a weird vibe from this guy i just met...oh it's because my grandma had beef with his arm. typical.
#it could make sense for grandpa!yorishima to be heavily signposted on purpose to be a red herring#but then what is the real reason for all the stuff that seems like grandpa!yorishima evidence?#because if he isn't grandpa there has to be another explanation for all that#this doesn't explain why he's introduced at all (unless his entire purpose is to be a grandpa red herring. which seems excessive)#but idk maybe there's some other reason for that?? occam's razor would seem to suggest otherwise but what does occam know#he's not the boss of midorikawa. i don't know. i don't know!!!#natsume's book of friends#natsume yuujinchou#yorishima#my posts#f#you know what would be too pat though. would be if natori's gecko was in the BOF#and natsume gave the name back and the gecko was just like whew that'll do it. cheers bye!! i would be so mad lol
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