#this post was triggered by someone comparing the word science

[nerdyearthquakeunknown]

I see a lot of language comparisons that completely shit on German for being a silly language. But what a lot of non linguists forget is that 1. Most of the languages you’re comparing are Romance languages, and only English and German are Germanic languages, 2. English is an absolute abomination of a language. English may technically be a Germanic language, but half the words we use stem from Romance languages. English is so much an amalgamation that people have stopped noticing.

You wanna know what maths is called on Icelandic?? Stærðfræ��i! Fucking SIZE SUBJECT. Chemistry? Efnafræði! STUFF SUBJECT???? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????

[sunaleisocial]

A faster, better way to prevent an AI chatbot from giving toxic responses

New Post has been published on https://sunalei.org/news/a-faster-better-way-to-prevent-an-ai-chatbot-from-giving-toxic-responses/

A faster, better way to prevent an AI chatbot from giving toxic responses

A user could ask ChatGPT to write a computer program or summarize an article, and the AI chatbot would likely be able to generate useful code or write a cogent synopsis. However, someone could also ask for instructions to build a bomb, and the chatbot might be able to provide those, too.

To prevent this and other safety issues, companies that build large language models typically safeguard them using a process called red-teaming. Teams of human testers write prompts aimed at triggering unsafe or toxic text from the model being tested. These prompts are used to teach the chatbot to avoid such responses.

But this only works effectively if engineers know which toxic prompts to use. If human testers miss some prompts, which is likely given the number of possibilities, a chatbot regarded as safe might still be capable of generating unsafe answers.

Researchers from Improbable AI Lab at MIT and the MIT-IBM Watson AI Lab used machine learning to improve red-teaming. They developed a technique to train a red-team large language model to automatically generate diverse prompts that trigger a wider range of undesirable responses from the chatbot being tested.

They do this by teaching the red-team model to be curious when it writes prompts, and to focus on novel prompts that evoke toxic responses from the target model.

The technique outperformed human testers and other machine-learning approaches by generating more distinct prompts that elicited increasingly toxic responses. Not only does their method significantly improve the coverage of inputs being tested compared to other automated methods, but it can also draw out toxic responses from a chatbot that had safeguards built into it by human experts.

“Right now, every large language model has to undergo a very lengthy period of red-teaming to ensure its safety. That is not going to be sustainable if we want to update these models in rapidly changing environments. Our method provides a faster and more effective way to do this quality assurance,” says Zhang-Wei Hong, an electrical engineering and computer science (EECS) graduate student in the Improbable AI lab and lead author of a paper on this red-teaming approach.

Hong’s co-authors include EECS graduate students Idan Shenfield, Tsun-Hsuan Wang, and Yung-Sung Chuang; Aldo Pareja and Akash Srivastava, research scientists at the MIT-IBM Watson AI Lab; James Glass, senior research scientist and head of the Spoken Language Systems Group in the Computer Science and Artificial Intelligence Laboratory (CSAIL); and senior author Pulkit Agrawal, director of Improbable AI Lab and an assistant professor in CSAIL. The research will be presented at the International Conference on Learning Representations.

Automated red-teaming 

Large language models, like those that power AI chatbots, are often trained by showing them enormous amounts of text from billions of public websites. So, not only can they learn to generate toxic words or describe illegal activities, the models could also leak personal information they may have picked up.

The tedious and costly nature of human red-teaming, which is often ineffective at generating a wide enough variety of prompts to fully safeguard a model, has encouraged researchers to automate the process using machine learning.

Such techniques often train a red-team model using reinforcement learning. This trial-and-error process rewards the red-team model for generating prompts that trigger toxic responses from the chatbot being tested.

But due to the way reinforcement learning works, the red-team model will often keep generating a few similar prompts that are highly toxic to maximize its reward.

For their reinforcement learning approach, the MIT researchers utilized a technique called curiosity-driven exploration. The red-team model is incentivized to be curious about the consequences of each prompt it generates, so it will try prompts with different words, sentence patterns, or meanings.

“If the red-team model has already seen a specific prompt, then reproducing it will not generate any curiosity in the red-team model, so it will be pushed to create new prompts,” Hong says.

During its training process, the red-team model generates a prompt and interacts with the chatbot. The chatbot responds, and a safety classifier rates the toxicity of its response, rewarding the red-team model based on that rating.

Rewarding curiosity

The red-team model’s objective is to maximize its reward by eliciting an even more toxic response with a novel prompt. The researchers enable curiosity in the red-team model by modifying the reward signal in the reinforcement learning set up.

First, in addition to maximizing toxicity, they include an entropy bonus that encourages the red-team model to be more random as it explores different prompts. Second, to make the agent curious they include two novelty rewards. One rewards the model based on the similarity of words in its prompts, and the other rewards the model based on semantic similarity. (Less similarity yields a higher reward.)

To prevent the red-team model from generating random, nonsensical text, which can trick the classifier into awarding a high toxicity score, the researchers also added a naturalistic language bonus to the training objective.

With these additions in place, the researchers compared the toxicity and diversity of responses their red-team model generated with other automated techniques. Their model outperformed the baselines on both metrics.

They also used their red-team model to test a chatbot that had been fine-tuned with human feedback so it would not give toxic replies. Their curiosity-driven approach was able to quickly produce 196 prompts that elicited toxic responses from this “safe” chatbot.

“We are seeing a surge of models, which is only expected to rise. Imagine thousands of models or even more and companies/labs pushing model updates frequently. These models are going to be an integral part of our lives and it’s important that they are verified before released for public consumption. Manual verification of models is simply not scalable, and our work is an attempt to reduce the human effort to ensure a safer and trustworthy AI future,” says Agrawal.  

In the future, the researchers want to enable the red-team model to generate prompts about a wider variety of topics. They also want to explore the use of a large language model as the toxicity classifier. In this way, a user could train the toxicity classifier using a company policy document, for instance, so a red-team model could test a chatbot for company policy violations.

“If you are releasing a new AI model and are concerned about whether it will behave as expected, consider using curiosity-driven red-teaming,” says Agrawal.

This research is funded, in part, by Hyundai Motor Company, Quanta Computer Inc., the MIT-IBM Watson AI Lab, an Amazon Web Services MLRA research grant, the U.S. Army Research Office, the U.S. Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency Machine Common Sense Program, the U.S. Office of Naval Research, the U.S. Air Force Research Laboratory, and the U.S. Air Force Artificial Intelligence Accelerator.

[jcmarchi]

A faster, better way to prevent an AI chatbot from giving toxic responses

New Post has been published on https://thedigitalinsider.com/a-faster-better-way-to-prevent-an-ai-chatbot-from-giving-toxic-responses/

A faster, better way to prevent an AI chatbot from giving toxic responses

A user could ask ChatGPT to write a computer program or summarize an article, and the AI chatbot would likely be able to generate useful code or write a cogent synopsis. However, someone could also ask for instructions to build a bomb, and the chatbot might be able to provide those, too.

To prevent this and other safety issues, companies that build large language models typically safeguard them using a process called red-teaming. Teams of human testers write prompts aimed at triggering unsafe or toxic text from the model being tested. These prompts are used to teach the chatbot to avoid such responses.

But this only works effectively if engineers know which toxic prompts to use. If human testers miss some prompts, which is likely given the number of possibilities, a chatbot regarded as safe might still be capable of generating unsafe answers.

Researchers from Improbable AI Lab at MIT and the MIT-IBM Watson AI Lab used machine learning to improve red-teaming. They developed a technique to train a red-team large language model to automatically generate diverse prompts that trigger a wider range of undesirable responses from the chatbot being tested.

They do this by teaching the red-team model to be curious when it writes prompts, and to focus on novel prompts that evoke toxic responses from the target model.

The technique outperformed human testers and other machine-learning approaches by generating more distinct prompts that elicited increasingly toxic responses. Not only does their method significantly improve the coverage of inputs being tested compared to other automated methods, but it can also draw out toxic responses from a chatbot that had safeguards built into it by human experts.

“Right now, every large language model has to undergo a very lengthy period of red-teaming to ensure its safety. That is not going to be sustainable if we want to update these models in rapidly changing environments. Our method provides a faster and more effective way to do this quality assurance,” says Zhang-Wei Hong, an electrical engineering and computer science (EECS) graduate student in the Improbable AI lab and lead author of a paper on this red-teaming approach.

Hong’s co-authors include EECS graduate students Idan Shenfield, Tsun-Hsuan Wang, and Yung-Sung Chuang; Aldo Pareja and Akash Srivastava, research scientists at the MIT-IBM Watson AI Lab; James Glass, senior research scientist and head of the Spoken Language Systems Group in the Computer Science and Artificial Intelligence Laboratory (CSAIL); and senior author Pulkit Agrawal, director of Improbable AI Lab and an assistant professor in CSAIL. The research will be presented at the International Conference on Learning Representations.

Automated red-teaming 

Large language models, like those that power AI chatbots, are often trained by showing them enormous amounts of text from billions of public websites. So, not only can they learn to generate toxic words or describe illegal activities, the models could also leak personal information they may have picked up.

The tedious and costly nature of human red-teaming, which is often ineffective at generating a wide enough variety of prompts to fully safeguard a model, has encouraged researchers to automate the process using machine learning.

Such techniques often train a red-team model using reinforcement learning. This trial-and-error process rewards the red-team model for generating prompts that trigger toxic responses from the chatbot being tested.

But due to the way reinforcement learning works, the red-team model will often keep generating a few similar prompts that are highly toxic to maximize its reward.

For their reinforcement learning approach, the MIT researchers utilized a technique called curiosity-driven exploration. The red-team model is incentivized to be curious about the consequences of each prompt it generates, so it will try prompts with different words, sentence patterns, or meanings.

“If the red-team model has already seen a specific prompt, then reproducing it will not generate any curiosity in the red-team model, so it will be pushed to create new prompts,” Hong says.

During its training process, the red-team model generates a prompt and interacts with the chatbot. The chatbot responds, and a safety classifier rates the toxicity of its response, rewarding the red-team model based on that rating.

Rewarding curiosity

The red-team model’s objective is to maximize its reward by eliciting an even more toxic response with a novel prompt. The researchers enable curiosity in the red-team model by modifying the reward signal in the reinforcement learning set up.

First, in addition to maximizing toxicity, they include an entropy bonus that encourages the red-team model to be more random as it explores different prompts. Second, to make the agent curious they include two novelty rewards. One rewards the model based on the similarity of words in its prompts, and the other rewards the model based on semantic similarity. (Less similarity yields a higher reward.)

To prevent the red-team model from generating random, nonsensical text, which can trick the classifier into awarding a high toxicity score, the researchers also added a naturalistic language bonus to the training objective.

With these additions in place, the researchers compared the toxicity and diversity of responses their red-team model generated with other automated techniques. Their model outperformed the baselines on both metrics.

They also used their red-team model to test a chatbot that had been fine-tuned with human feedback so it would not give toxic replies. Their curiosity-driven approach was able to quickly produce 196 prompts that elicited toxic responses from this “safe” chatbot.

“We are seeing a surge of models, which is only expected to rise. Imagine thousands of models or even more and companies/labs pushing model updates frequently. These models are going to be an integral part of our lives and it’s important that they are verified before released for public consumption. Manual verification of models is simply not scalable, and our work is an attempt to reduce the human effort to ensure a safer and trustworthy AI future,” says Agrawal.  

In the future, the researchers want to enable the red-team model to generate prompts about a wider variety of topics. They also want to explore the use of a large language model as the toxicity classifier. In this way, a user could train the toxicity classifier using a company policy document, for instance, so a red-team model could test a chatbot for company policy violations.

“If you are releasing a new AI model and are concerned about whether it will behave as expected, consider using curiosity-driven red-teaming,” says Agrawal.

This research is funded, in part, by Hyundai Motor Company, Quanta Computer Inc., the MIT-IBM Watson AI Lab, an Amazon Web Services MLRA research grant, the U.S. Army Research Office, the U.S. Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency Machine Common Sense Program, the U.S. Office of Naval Research, the U.S. Air Force Research Laboratory, and the U.S. Air Force Artificial Intelligence Accelerator.

[gentil-minou]

We need to stop using the term "sentimonsters"

Okay so for starters, if you're here and you want to tell me not to take this show or idea so seriously I'd ask if you respectfully ignore this post and go on with your day. This isn't for you, and that's cool. Consume your media the way you like, this is how I like to enjoy it.

The gist of this post is that words are powerful, but names are mightier than all else. So I want to explain why I think we, as a fandom, might want to consider not using the word sentimonster when we refer to them, especially as the sentiadrien, sentifelix, etc theories gain more traction and evidence.

One of the arguments I’ve seen people talk about why they dislike the theory is that it seems to make Adrien a character who isn’t human, who is considered other. I understand why this is a concern; it makes us feel uncomfortable and worried. Him not being human is worrying, because the term “sentimonster” makes us wonder, is he a monster?

To me, using the word "monster" contributes to the ostracization and sense of otherness that makes certain fans jump straight to the idea of invalidation and even some fear/anxiety. If we call something a monster, it instantly makes us less likely to root for them and actually prejudiced against them. It makes us, the third party bystander here, think there is something inherently wrong with them. As a result it makes it harder for us to sympathize with them, it makes us less likely to care. This is especially hard when we love Adrien so much.

Putting this under a read more, because the rest of the post is heavy and long. Trigger warnings for non-specific mention of homophobia and racism.

Think of Frankenstein's monster. The monster was not the villain, the doctor was (spoiler alert I guess). But people often forget that fact and go straight into depicting the monster as the villain when that is absolutely not the case. We were meant to empathize with the monster, but because of the colloquial meaning it’s harder for us to do it unless we really take the time to think about it.

In real world terms, we can compare the way people in-universe (and from what some people in the fandom seem to think) act towards sentis to discrimination that has been perpetuated in society, particularly against BIPOC or LGBTQ+. If we look at the power language holds over a group of people, we can see that it can, and has throughout history, created a derogatory narrative that makes people appear as "outsiders" or not part of the "true society".

Historically, many BIPOC members from around the world were even considered "inferior humans" or in some cases not worth considering as humans in the first place. Similar discrimination occurs in the LGBTQ+ community, often perpetrated by their own family. Both groups frequently suffer invalidation in a way that can cause them to doubt their place in the world, leading to extreme cases of depression or traumatic response. I will not name any derogatory or hateful terms but chances are if you are a member of the BIPOC or LGBTQ+ community you know exactly how devastating it can be when someone calls you this. The words have power, and while we are working to reclaim our words and language for ourselves before we can do that, we have to eliminate the hurt by respecting those who ask us to not use certain language that is derogatory.

Now, what does that have to do with sentimonsters?

Well first, we have to look at the original purpose of sentibeings. They were depicted as guardians, meant to provide protection. Or they were emotions made life, a source of positivity and goodness. We dont know too many details but we can infer that they were the good guys, no different from our heroes.

(Yes, their creation was perhaps different from what modern society views as "birth", but 100 years ago science would have scoffed at the notion of IVF. In reality, we are learning of more and more alternatives to real-world creation, so why can we not accept it as a proper form of creation in a world where literal superheroes and magic exist?)

The real issue is, as always, Gabriel Agreste. The first time Paris was exposed to miraculouses is through Gabe’s manipulation of them. His true crime as a villain was to not only wreak havoc on Paris but also to take something that was meant to do good and use them for evil. Although haven’t seen sentis or the butterfly heroes, we can infer that normally they provide hope and light and happiness and all sorts of positivity.

That was likely the idea of Adrien's birth, to do all of that and to be a force for good.

It isn’t him (or any senti for that matter) who is inhuman; he is actually incredibly human, as evidenced by his actions, emotions, and vulnerability.

The one who lost his humanity was Gabriel himself (and Nathalie, she bad news bears too).

By using sentis in this way, as a tool to create fear, he’s influenced Paris into seeing them as monsters. To the point where even the main protagonist calls them monsters. It’s not right, it’s very wrong, but it makes sense given what the characters on the show know about them and what the villains caused them to believe.

The reality is that sentis are not the monsters at all, and we should not treat them as such. They are just being treated that way through manipulation and abuse. The same way we see akumas as victims of mothman and not the villains themselves, we need to do the same for sentis.

For us as fandom, along with the characters in the show, the best way to overcome that ignorance is to learn from it and become more open-minded while seeing things from a different point of view. I don’t know if the show itself will go into this topic, as it’s not an easy one and has to be handled very sensitively, but I do know there will be a happy ending. If the sentiadrien theory turns out to be true then I have full faith the series will end with the senits being considered equal to everyone else, just like we strive for in our own society.

And before someone uses this to salt on the show’s writing or the characters for using the term, I want to say that given what stage the show is at it makes total sense that they use the term sentimonster. They are following the agenda of a madman because they do not know any better. And the wont until they have another voice to listen to, one that can speak on behalf of sentis with lived experience of what it means to be one. Who better to do than our favorite catboy hero?

We've already seen a start: in Ladybug where both our heroes show genuine pain and sadness over they loss of Sentibug. They're already changing their perspectives, and we need to too.

I only want to change the fandom’s perspectives of them so as to help us better accept the theory if it does turn out to be true, and that it may help those who still struggle with the idea that being a senti means Adrien is “other” or a “monster” when that isn’t true at all. It’s all about perceptions and misguided notions/ignorance, all of which can be unlearned.

In short: I'm proposing changing the term to "sentibeing" to end the "otherness" and demonization this fandom tends to do when discussing them, thereby enforcing the idea that "Even if he's a senti, Adrien is still the character I love."

[sacredpoolsoftears]

Riley as the Winter Soldier

i can’t stop thinking about what if...riley was the winter soldier (if there has been other posts on this pls hmu i cant seem to find any 😭)

let’s just assume bucky is another winter soldier and still alive in this but he’s not the one sent to kill steve...instead they send riley...

and so we have that highway scene in ca:tws where now instead riley is the one pulling the steering wheel off lmao and then when he’s thrown off the car roof he just goes flying up and lands in front of their car and i bet the moment sam sees him flying he recognises the way he flies with those wings and thinks ‘riley???’ but he knows it can’t be riley, he saw him fall to his death...

and then they are all fighting and steve kicks off riley’s mask and that’s when sam comes flying in and kicking riley and sam catches a glimpse of the winter soldier’s face and GASP IT’S RILEY and cue all the disbelief and angstiness and relief and guilt within sam that riley is alive but oh god what have they done to him... and maybe this is also when riley looks at sam and gets some vague memory of sam and him flying together and recognises that he knows this flying man...

and since riley would have had fewer years of brainwashing compared to bucky maybe he can remember things more easily and can recognise that the flying guy is called sam and that they were close once, maybe this can make it easier and faster to break free of his brainwashing?

and then they get arrested and all that and fight on the helicarriers and god that battle would have went so differently because if it was riley that was fighting steve and even if steve knows that the winter soldier he’s fighting is sam’s presumed dead (boy)friend, would steve have let riley fuck him up like bucky did to him before falling into the river? would riley have let steve go and not finish him off? would they even have fell into the river?

or maybe riley fights sam instead because he knows this man and he wants to figure out how are they even related and sam just desperately tries to jog riley’s memory while fighting him

or i can imagine a scene where some other hydra agent maybe tears off sam’s wings and sam is falling down and when riley sees this and he immediately shouts SAM and just flies down on instinct to save him and as they are hurtling through the air the shock of it maybe causes riley to remember some memories  of his past and who he really is and he remembers who sam is and what he means to him and how much he loves him (handwavey memory science lmao 😩)  and once they hit the ground they both just tenderly grasp at each other and stare into each other’s eyes...silently tearing up due to their overwhelming emotions...and they softly whisper each other’s names and kiss desperately

and since now hydra is destroyed and all, riley is free and riley just follows sam and then tony helps or bruce (or someone competent in this field lmao idk) helps to get the brainwashing and trigger words removed from riley and then sam and riley just slowly build back up their relationship and revel in their second chance at being together and they become avenger husbands that fly and kick ass together or they just lead a quiet domestic loving life 🥰. the end.

(and maybe they just stay out of aou and civil war because they are too busy loving and banging each other and making up for their lost time lmaooo)

im also really curious to hear other interpretations as to how different yall think the story could have went if riley was the winter soldier :D

[star-maiden]

Hey I was wondering what does seeing heart shape everywhere and all the time mean!!???

Hello There! It sounds like you may be experiencing a synchronicity in seeing hearts everywhere and all the time. This is going to be another long post. Before we get into some possible meanings, let’s chat for a bit about what a synchronicity is and isn’t. That way we can be sure to practice using our discernment when synchronicities are involved, and make informed and empowering choices. To be clear though, seeing symbols (repeating numbers, images like hearts, names etc) isn’t bad or dangourous. It is, however, always a good idea to look at many possible avenues before deciding what something means and then acting on it. Also for the record, I’ll be discussing synchronicities through the lense of tarot since that’s what I primarily work with and know well. Just something to keep in mind for anyone reading this.

⭐️ Google defines a synchronicity as “the simultaneous occurrence of events which appear significantly related but have no discernible causal connection.” This is a pretty good definition, but when people talk about seeing signs everywhere, they are often referring to the more recent and occult definition.

⭐️ In the world of the occult (which in some capacity encompass witchcraft, paganism, the New Age movement and alternative spirituality), synchronicities have taken on a significance beyond their original definition. Nowadays, we tend to see anecdotes of people noticing repeating symbols showing up, such as repeating numbers, letters, images like hearts, certain animals or even songs. Seeing these things over and over again is often interpreted as being a special sign from the universe or from spirit guides, or angels or any higher power that we hope to communicate with. As such, synchronicities can hold special meanging for the recipients. Very much like tarot, synchronicities have become a way to communicate with the unseen world of spirit and the subconscious.

⭐️ The word “synchronicity” actually hasn’t been around for that long. It was coined in the 1950’s by the psychologist Carl Jung to describe what he referred to as “meaningful coincidences”. I’ve linked some reading below if you’d like to learn some more about this. In a nutshell, Jung believed that a synchronicity was part of a deep and complex psychological process that could provide information on an individual’s subconscious and emotional experience. The idea that synchronicities were messages from Spirit guides, angels or deities was perhaps alluded to, but not explicitly part of Jung’s work.

⭐️ Today, we can use synchronicities as waymarkers of sorts. Think of them as the awake and conscious version of dream symbolism. Seeing something over and over again may trigger certain emotions or remind you of something important. The difficult thing about seeing repeating symbols everywhere is that no one else will be able to accurately interpret them for you. They are only meaningful because your mind has created emotional and/or sensory attatchments to them. For example, smelling vanilla might trigger someone’s memory of baking with grandma. This is an example of a sensory attachment that has meaning for an individual because the scent of vanilla is encoded into their memory by a particular experience.

🌟 What a synchronicity is:

A form of symbolism. Thinking through the lense of tarot, we can interpret synchronicities in a similar way. More on that in a bit. It’s important to keep in mind that all symbolism is subjective and individualistic. Because groups of people share culture and language, there is some general overlap (like a rose representing love), but the truest interpretation will always be a personal one.

An affirmation - Seeing synchronicities can affirm that we are in the right path or in the right place. They do this by helping us recall important experiences that remind us of certain qualities, goals or states that we want to achieve.

A message from Spirit, Angels or a Higher Power - This is the common belief. If your spiritual path includes some of these elements and you seek confirmation or messages through symbolism, then it’s possible that a synchronicity could be a message. This won’t be the case for everyone or all the time though. A message recieved through synchronicity or symbolism is also likely to be guidance or affirmation, rather than hard facts. We should always use our discernment when working with synchronicity in this way.

🌟 What a synchronicity isn’t:

A demand from Spirit, spirit guides or a higher power. You are never obligated do do anything when you notice synchronicities beginning to appear in your life. Instead, you can reflect on them. What might they mean in the moment that you notice them? What messages are they trying to convey.

A dire warning. Sometimes I see things floating around the internet about predicting death or serious illness, etc. These kinds of concerns are best addressed with a licensed medical professional. If you have a worry about something, seeing a synchronicity might prompt you to get it checked out with your doctor, but a synchronicty is not a diagnosis.

Universal. Synchronicities are unique and meaningful only to the recipient. While we can generalize and compare similar experiences to generate some possible interpretations, nothing will be truer than an individual’s own personal interpretation. Essentially, you know yourself best. No one else can tell you about your thoughts better than you. It is wise to use some caution here because it’s quite common for unscrupulous “psychics” to charge quite a bit of money to interpret synchronicities for other people. I’m not saying that all tarot readers and psychics who talk about synchronicities are scam artists, but there are definitely some who are. Be discerning in your selection if you go that route. Also be careful with symbolism dictionaries and interpretation guides. There’s nothing inherently wrong with them, but they may not be 100% accurate for you. If you are able to, it’s actually better (and cheaper) to create your own personal symbolism guide.

🌟 How to interpret synchronicities as symbolism.

Like tarot, symbols are a type of visual language. The most useful and meaningful interpretation is always going to be one that you create yourself. This isn’t a glamorous and magical answer, but it’s true. It also might take a bit of digging to uncover. Scott Cunningham’s book, Dreaming the Divine, outlines this process nicely for dream symbolims. I will briefly describe how to create your own personal symbolism dictionary here.

Think of what thoughts, emotions and/or physical sensations arise when you see a heart. Write this down. What words do you associate with “hearts”? Make a list and write those down too. Don’t worry if they don’t make sense. Write down everything that comes up.

Next, you’ll need to spend some time taking inventory of every time you see a heart. This doesn’t need to be fancy. You can even use the voice notes app on your phone. Every time you see a heart, make note of what you were doing and what you were thinking about in that moment. What emotions do you experience before and after noticing the heart. Write everything down.

Compare your notes from steps 1 and 2. Where do you see overlap? Make a venn diagram if this is is helpful. Otherwise, make a list. The places where both notes intersect is where you will find meaning.

🌟 Heart Symbolism

Sometimes we need a little boost to get started. I also recognize that you probably weren’t asking me to ramble on for a million years about synchronicities, and are hoping for some nice, solid info. (Sorry about that. I do have a tendency to go overboard in the explanation department.) Here are some of my personal interpretations of heart symbolism that I’ve put together after years of reading tarot. Please keep in mind that these might not work for everyone. Some are generalized and others are personal. You are welcome to use them if they resonate.

Hearts can represent: 💕

Love & Relationships

Something that you are passionate about

Something that is secret or guarded (close to the heart)

Someone’s innermost desires or feelings

A secret admirer

The core or foundation of something/the reason for something’s existence

Deeply felt or raw emotions

Connection and Empathy

Vulnerability or that someone is easily wounded by words. Sensitivity.

A wound. May be literal or metaphorical.

🌟 Sources & Links

Synchronicities: A Sure Sign You’re on the Right Path. An article from Psychology Today. Describes synchronicities as symbols of affirmation.

Synchronicity: Definition and Meaning. An article from Live Science. Goes into some of Carl Jung’s ideas and presents an opposing perspective.

Dreaming the Divine by Scott Cunningham - Not specifically about synchronicities, but addresses the subjectivity of symbolism and suggests that our own personal interpretations are more meaningful.

The Call of Intuition: How to Recognize & Honor Your Intuition, Instinct & Insight by Kris Franken - This book is about creating an empowering state of awareness for yourself and discusses how to follow the voice of your own intuition. A great starting point for anyone interested in developing stronger intuitive abilities.

[pair-annoyed]

Anime I Watched in Quarantine

With some of the restrictions being lifted, I wanted to make a sort of master post to see just how much I’ve watched in my time off. Plus, I wanted to share something more lighthearted with everyone.

All of these anime will be rated on a 1-10 scale, 10 meaning masterpiece, 1 meaning complete garbage. I’ll also share what I liked/didn’t like about each show. This list will go in chronological order, and will encompass all anime from 3/13 - 6/13. Multiple Seasons will be grouped together. 

1. Beastars - 8/10 

I dig how human and down-to-earth Beastars is. The pacing was a nice and the animation was unexpectedly great! It’s driving force is its characters and their interactions. Felt a little slow at times, and Juno annoys me, but that’s okay. I’ll be watching season 2.

2. Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun - 8/10 

Oh my god! This visuals for this were absolutely wonderful! It did feel a little cliche at times, I won’t lie. But, I still loved all of these characters and the nice balance between creepy and comedy. 

3. Ao No Exorcist - 6/10 

I posted about this one after I finished it. The ending really pissed me off. I feel like if I had watched this when I was 13, I would’ve given it a higher score. Compared to some of the other shounen I’ve watched, this felt a bit basic. That doesn’t mean I still didn’t like it. Still have to get around to watching season 2...

4.  Kaichou wa Maid-sama! 6.5/10

Shoujo usually isn’t my cup of tea. Maid-sama was a nice way to ease into the cliches of shoujo. Misaki is a great protagonist and the ending Maid-sama was so satisfying. I’m only giving it a low score because of its slow pacing and lack of certain character development. 

5.  Violet Evergarden Gaiden: Eien to Jidou Shuki Ningyou  - 7/10

I’m a big Violet Evergarden fan to begin with, so of course I liked this movie. It did not resonate with me as much as the series itself, but I still enjoyed it. Kyoto animation is never disappointing in their visuals and sound design 

6.  Chuunibyou demo Koi ga Shitai! - 8/10 

Chuunibyou demo Koi ga Shitai! Ren - 6.5/10 

Chuunibyou was a breath of fresh air for me. It was so different from all other romance anime I had seen at the time. It for sure has a slice of life vibe to it, but it was still so good! It reminded me of being in middle school and my “chuunibyou” phase. The second season was not as enjoyable as the first. I guess I just had higher expectations for Rikka and Yuuta. 

7. Dr. Stone - 7/10

Dr. Stone is honestly such a perfect shounen for me. I’m a science nerd, and with taking AP Chem this year it was kind of nice to sorta apply my knowledge. This show also has some of the best reaction images ever. The tone, however, is a little inconsistent which made it hard to keep watching. I do love the relationship between Senku and his Dad, that whole sub-plot was so endearing.

8. Oshiete! Galko-chan - 6/10

This one only gets a low score because its so short and the op takes up like half an episode. This show had been in the back of my mind for a while. I decided to watch it after seeing a video essay discussing it. Its masterful subversion of tropes and stereotypes was refreshing. The message of this show is so positive, and everyone can benefit from watching something like this.  

9. Mairimashita Iruma-kun  - 5/10 

The second half of Mairimashita Iruma-kun was so much better. I’m not completely sure why I didn’t like this as much as I should have. Overall, its a really average show. The comedy (and musical numbers???) give this show and charismatic and chaotic vibe. I’m someone who focuses primarily on character-character interactions, and this show definitely had it. It isn’t monogatari levels of dialogue but it’s still nice. For the studio’s low budget, they were able to make a really bright and colorful show. I’ll be watching season 2.  

10. Byousoku 5 Centimeter - 8/10

Very. VERY. Pretty!! This one was another one that didn’t completely resonate with me emotionally. I still loved the story and the way it was told. Its not like Your Name or Tenki no Ko, it’s realistic and grounded.

11. Mob Psycho 100 - 8/10

Mob Psycho 100 II - 9/10 

Style alone made Mob Psycho 100 so impressive. By the second half of each season I was emotional invested in Mob and his whole journey. Season 2 is receiving a higher score because it was able to make me cry. That’s something I NEVER expected. I’m mad I didn’t watch this sooner. It is a great balance of action, comedy, and heart. 

12. Noragami Aragoto - 8/10 

Not sure why I put off Norogami’s second season for so long. I absolutely loved it. The focus on Bishimon was a nice change of pace and it was great to see Yukine develop more as a character and begin to loose his arrogance. Kazuma was my favorite character in all of this. His ability to affect the people around him was presented nicely. I was emotionally invested the whole way through, and I’ll probably pick up the manga. 

13. Ookami Shoujo to Kuro Ouji - 3/10

Ah yes. My least favorite thing on planet earth. This is a wonderful example of Shoujo at its worst. Their relationship was incredibly toxic, and the characters themselves were poorly developed and generic. The whole time all I could think was that I was watching normalized Stockholm Syndrome. Our MC deserves so much better. 

14. Youjo Senki - 6/10

I’ll be honest, I wasn’t expecting to like Youjo Senki as much as I did. I’m not usually one for iesekai. The action was great, but the use of CGI bogged down scenes. I do NOT really like the protagonist that much because she came across as apathetic. Towards the end, I started to like her more. This was also my first military/warfare-focused anime. If either a movie or second season is made, I will probably not watch it. 

15. Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magica - 6.5/10

I wanted to like Madoka Magica more than I did. I really did. The style was compelling and the story was interesting. Especially in the beginning, a lot of the death and sad stuff didn’t feel all that sad. The last 4 episodes are a solid 8/10, I love time shenanigans. The emotions and character development really shined through in the end. Madoka is such an inherently kind-hearted person, I love her so much! 

16. Yakusoku no Neverland - 8.5/10 

I was expecting Yakusoku no Neverland to be more graphic, but I’m kind of glad it didn’t go that route. Like Madoka, the last four episodes had me really invested. However, the character development was not as rushed. It’s a smart show and welcomed change of pace. Emma is my favorite character and you bet I’ll be watching season 2. The more I think about this show, the more I appreciate it. 

17. Mo Dao Zu Shi - 9/10

Mo Dao Zu Shi 2nd Season - 8/10 

I know that is is technically a donghua, but I’m counting it as an anime because its on MAL. Amazing visuals and an incredibly layered story.  Censorship makes it difficult to fully appreciate this work and its original novel. Even though I was confused for the first 2 episodes, Mo Dao Zu Shi did a great job of developing the time period and character relationships. The second season wasn’t as satisfying as the first but still great! I don’t think I’ll be watching the live action anytime soon, but I believe that a 3rd season is confirmed for 2020.

18. Banana Fish - 8.5/10

I knew nothing about Banana Fish going into it. Although I didn’t cry at the ending, it definitely made me feel some type of way. Kind of... numb. Banana Fish is painfully realistic. So much so that I had to take a break after episode 15 because I felt sick to my stomach. I also praise Banana Fish for it’s healthy, non-fetishized relationship representation. Eiji and Ash have such a complex but healthy relationship. I hope Banana Fish is able to pave the way for better representation in media. 

19. Promare - 5/10 

Why do people praise Promare so much? I hated how predictable it was. The whole movie felt like a 2 hour animation flex for Trigger. The only character in this movie that didn’t manage to piss me off it some way was Lio. The only other thing I’ve seen by studio Trigger is Kill la Kill, so compared to that, this felt like such a step down. :( I was disappointed. 

20. Given - 6/10

Given made me both sad and made me want to start a band. Overall the animation is nothing special, I do like the reactions that some of the characters had. Especially that “It’s Mutual” gif set. I couldn’t get over how much Ritsuka looks like Kageyama. My only complaint was how rushed Mafuyu and Ritsuka’s relationship felt. More time should have been dedicated to Mafuyu dealing with and moving past the loss in his life. All that said, I’m still watching the movie.

21. Enen no Shouboutai - 5/10 

Generic Shounen, bad ending, great animation. Need I say more? I did not watch Soul Eater (made by same creator), but this was enjoyable. Really cool fights, not so cool character development. A lot of the explanations towards the end felt like complete bull shit. Same energy as using fancy sounding science words to explain things. 

22. Hataraku Maou-Sama - 5.5/10

This is another show I felt I would’ve liked more if I watched it when I was younger. The iesekai trope is so beaten down that classics like this don’t really carry as much weight as they originally did. A 24 episode season with more Slice of Life episodes would’ve benefited this series greatly.

23. BNA - 7/10

BNA, in my opinion, was so much better than Promare. Like Hataraku Maou-sama, BNA would’ve benefited from a longer season with more Slice of Life Episodes. Trigger’s newer animation is beautiful and I really hope BNA gets renewed for a second season. The ending was cliche as hell, but still really enjoyed this show!

24. Devilman: Crybaby - 7/10 

A.K.A. The one show I’ve got to watch when I know I’m alone. The use of multiple languages besides Japanese in the sub was a unique take. The animation was also a little jarring at first, but I came to love it. The themes in this are not the most positive. The end left me feeling numb, but also appreciative. Ryo pissed me off as soon as he tried to kill that cat, so it was hard to sympathize with him in the very end. It is a really good show, but also sickening, Watch at your own discretion.  

[unpopularfanopinion]

I apparently struck a nerve with someone and they blocked me. Just a tip dude, if you don’t like people arguing with you maybe you shouldn’t post on social media designed for reblogging, responses and rebuttles. You can still find websites that offer blogs with no comments.

But as I typed this all up i felt it worth sharing.

Pointing out similarities in ideas and actions between two group doesn’t mean I think one is equivalent to another. It means in some ways they are coming from the same place(doesn’t mean they’re going to end up in the same place) But I see you’re very good at putting words in other people’s mouths.

However you may think there’s a difference between a religious group attempting to ban a book over religious ideals, and people trying to force Ao3 to moderate to their standards, but I am going to ask what the difference is?

Also who is going to get to decide what counts as harmful/racist? I mean I get the feeling you’re something of a new-comer to this whole anti-shipping trend and aren’t aware of some of the context in history behind it.

Like the insanity of the Sherlock fandom where a contingent of people who really really preferred John topping Sherlock in their porn decided to accuse anyone writing Sherlock topping John as being pedophiles. (Surely you can understand the insanity behind that. porn written of two middle age men being pedophilia because the wrong man tops) To the point of accusing a surivor of being an abuser, as well as filming her having a breakdown(that they caused) and posting it online. https://fanlore.org/wiki/221B_Con (the 2015 con)

https://thegreenirene.tumblr.com/post/116696525144/what-happened-at-221b-con-2015-the-gender

There’s also the story that went around of a real life highschooler that was convince he had to break up with his significant other of several years because he had turned 18, but his partner hadn’t yet because him simply dating(not necessarily having sex with them) someone under 18 was pedophilia. (okay yikes)

And what about when you have people who claim that individual ships are inherently racist if you prefer them over a different ship. One example is from the Star Wars sequel trilogy where people tried to claim the Finnrose ship was inherently anti-black and racist and so people should ship Finnrey.

https://my-reylo.home.blog/tag/anti-finnrose-bs/ (rundown, with links and receipts although sadly some of the links no longer work)

So again who will get to decide? And before you say, the minors, survivors, and minorities who don’t feel safe you should try to understand that’s not a winning trump card. Because there are ALSO minors, minorities, and survivors(like me) who keep saying that they don’t feel safe in places where censorship takes place. That they find exploring the exact same topics that antis decry as harmful, helpful and therapeutic. That they don’t feel safe in places where they risk harassment, doxing, suicide baiting simply because of the fiction they like, or create.

I mean there’s an disabled artist who lost her job because of anti harassment.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1XdfUJyVYhmaahTfbxLNU0W0yVz80hmptNrCQv7KSL6o/mobilebasic

An individual is not harmed merely by some piece of fiction existing out in the void. If they stumble on it without warning it can be upsetting, trigger pain, but that means them stumbling on it. Ao3′s tagging system does an excellent job at allowing people to not see what they don’t want to. There are a few tweaks and adjustment I wouldn’t mind seeing like a permanent exclude tags so I don’t have to constantly filter out specific tags.

I doubt that there is anything you can find on Ao3 that you would not also find examples of in any large public library

Take a brief look at New York’s Public Library eroticia for example

https://nypl.overdrive.com/search?subject=21

In the comics and graphic books section i found Sadistic Boy by tori maia, which contains examples of underage sex, adult/minor sex, rape, and incest(uncle/nephew iirc). As well as Bad teacher’s Equation which features a romantic relationship between a 16 year old highschool student and a 26 year old nurse who works at the school. Again this is the New York Public library, and I haven’t started looking at more of the books(although without Ao3′s tagging system it’s a bit harder to guess the contents with just the cover)

Is there any real reason you can think of why Ao3 should be held to higher content standards than the New York Public Library? I mean they’re both based in New York State, and go by New York State’s obscenities laws.

And I’m sorry for not including sources in my earlier posts, but I was on mobile and didn’t have all of my links.

But here’s a study discussing the sex on TV doesn’t influence teens as much as people previously thought

https://theconversation.com/sex-on-tv-less-impact-on-teens-than-you-might-think-61957

Also the relationship between fiction and reality, and the ability of various media to change and shape social norms is incredibly complex. Research attempts to discover how media can influence change, but that there’s both individual effects, social effects, and the effect can be different depending on if a person knows other people in their community have seen/heard the piece of media or not.

https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/political-science-research-and-methods/article/how-does-media-influence-social-norms-experimental-evidence-on-the-role-of-common-knowledge/23D65E06CAB2876B08F12E23CD5C0539

So keeping that in mind that fanfiction is still very much a niche hobby/activity and you’re unlikely going to find an entire community(of people who happen to be living in the same area definition) reading the same fic, Fanfiction’s ability to impact reality is pretty much non-existent compared to the latest offering from Disney, Warner Brother’s or Netflix.

I can have empathy for people who are uncomfortable or feel they are hurt when they see certain topics in fiction. However I wish they would try to have a little empathy for the people who find comfort and healing within that same topic. The solution is not censorship or people stop creating taboo fiction. The solution is right there in Ao3′s tagging, people who don’t want to see certain content can avoid it, people who do want to see certain content can find it. I’m sorry but I cam going to have a hard time finding sympathy for people who demand that everyone else cater to them and their feelings without a thought for anyone else's.

[txdoroki]

welcome

greetings, y/n, i’m glad you’ve decided to take a look at our rules. they help keep the enchanted forest a safe, happy, and comfortable place.

-this blog is a mha and haikyuu (and a few other sources every now and then) writing blog, and although i do take requests it is not centered around them. if you bug me about writing your request with more than a simple “hey did you get it?”, i will delete the request.

-for more haikyuu/avatar writing — check out my retired other acc @kittysugawara

-to join my taglist fill this out pls and ty

-comment somewhere if you wish to be mutuals!

-do not bring up topics of religion

-DO NOT repost my work anywhere!

-if you don’t like my writing, don’t say anything. scroll and move on with your life.

-i include warnings on general things, like suicide, sexual content, and other things. please message me if there is a trigger you have that you’d like me to include in warnings, and i most definitely can!

-i’m just as human as you are, don’t be rude 

-please dont include me in your drama unless it has to do with me or you need advice.

-this is a purely sfw blog.

-i believe others can write what they want, so, do not come to me to complain about what others are doing. this includes dark content. i do NOT create dark content, but i think others can do what they want. i don’t bother them, they don’t bother me. it’s balanced.

-respect other people’s writings on my page, don’t compare mine to others (unless there is a problem with plagiarism)

-please do not say i’m better than you or something of that nature, although the intentions might be good i do not take it as a compliment! it’s pretty guilt trippy

dni if:

-you’re an antimasker/antivaxxer/homophobe/transphobe/racist/ableist/misogynist or just a shit person in general

-you send more than one person the same exact request

-you don’t believe mental health issues are real

-you blatantly ignore science

-you are below the age of 13. i do not think that children should be on tumblr, so please, for your own wellbeing, do not interact. i do not post nsfw stuff, it is just me being uncomfortable with someone below 13 interacting.

-you judge ppl for something you couldn’t even pull off

-you send anon hate (ง'̀-'́)ง

requesting guidelines

requests are opened as of 7/1/2021

disclaimer: i only do the requests i want to. if you bother me about writing yours, i’ll tell you to write it yourself and delete the request :)

rules

-i prefer if you add as much detail as necessary, it’s alright if it’s just an idea though.

-please identify if you would like a scenario or headcanons, as well as if you want angst, fluff comfort, crack, or whatever else!

-patience please!( ˘ ³˘)♥︎

-you can either request in a post i make SPECIFICALLY about requests (you can search the “taking requests” tag on my profile to find it) or do it in my asks area! i prefer it in the asks area, but either is fine

-for headcanons, you can request up to 5 characters. if you do more than 5, i will choose the 5 i want to do the most

-if you have constructive criticism don’t be rude about it

-usually requests aren’t fulfilled as fast as possible, and i only do the ones i have ideas for.

-do NOT send me the same request that you sent someone else, it’ll cause unnecessary drama with “stealing ideas” and it’s disrespectful anyways

the fandoms i take requests for are:

-my hero academia

-haikyuu

more to come

things you can request:

-matchups

-headcanons

-drabbles

-scenarios

-oneshots (usually 1-3k words)

-small things like a moodboard, songs theyd like, etc

-AUs

- fluff, crack, angst

things you can’t request

-nsfw (why? this is a sfw blog and i’m a minor)

-full fics (why? i do not have the time for that, and requests aren’t my blog’s main focus anyways)

-dark content ( why? it makes me uncomfy, and i’m a minor. while i respect writers who do write it, i will not be. do not ask me to write dark content.)

-character x character(why? this is a character x reader writing blog)

-poly relationships (why? i don’t think i’m educated on it enough to write)

-health issues (why? i wouldn’t want to say anything out of lack of knowledge!)

[maatryoshkaa]

young god | chapter 7

chapters: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11| 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | epilogue |

word count: 5.5k

warnings: mentions of mental disorders, foul language, graphic descriptions of violence, mentions of alcohol

description: from jisung’s psychoanalysis to the crime investigation, nothing seems to be adding up. jisung and hyunjin have an unpleasant first encounter, and a conversation with hyunjin’s grandmother leaves you with more questions than answers. hwang hyunjin wanders the streets like a ghost, and the police are hot on jisung’s trail.

watch the trailer here!

07| seeing ghosts

You unlocked the door to your apartment and stepped in, the space as dark and cool as a tomb. 

You made a beeline for your room and chucked your bag onto the desk, rummaging through your closet for a comfortable hoodie. With a relieved sigh, you flicked on your table lamp and let the warm glow soften the darkness. The sun had gone down during your walk home, the busy sounds of the city hushed by the chirping of crickets and the rustle of the evening breeze. Jisung had held your hand the whole time -- two or three of his fingers gently hooked around yours and lightly swinging back and forth as you walked.

He had waved you goodbye from the stairwell -- heart-shaped smile and all -- but even as you propped open your laptop and shuffled through your notes, the feeling of his fingers lingered on your skin. You felt the blood rush to your face as Jisung’s voice -- soft and achingly vulnerable -- echoed in your ears.

Promise...you’ll never leave me?

You slammed your notebook down with unnecessary force, violently shaking your head as if trying to fling the thoughts away. Damn it, y/n. Focus! The notes you had scribbled looked as if they were falling off the lines of the paper. With a deep breath and a light slap to your own cheek, you began typing them up.

Patient: Han Jisung

Age: 20

Memories and short bits of dialogue flashed in your mind as you read over the papers. 

Session One. 

Patient has undergone mandatory psychological evaluations in the past, in educational institutions. 

Mentions racing thoughts, rapid heartbeat, and possibly palpitations when in the presence of the therapist. **(May simply be conversational and therefore unreliable). 

Suffering from nightmares as of late; sleep problems. Appears uneasy when speaking about said problems. 

End of session.

You frowned. Straightforward enough. Slightly strange, if read out of context -- but nothing that stuck out in particular. Biting your lip and shrugging, you flipped to the notes from today.

Session Two.

Questions were focused on family and childhood. Patient looked 

Your fingers stalled on the keyboard, Jisung’s expression from earlier flooding your memory. How his eyes had widened like a deer in headlights’ when you’d asked about his family. And -- had you been imagining it? -- they way his voice had wavered when he finally answered. Frowning, you shook your head -- no, no. You were probably just overanalyzing things, right? 

Still, you found yourself typing out the one detail that had always been nagging at the back of your mind --

Patient looks upset at any mentions of family and childhood

At this, you hesitated again. You had barely known the boy for two weeks. There were things that Jisung wasn’t telling you about his childhood, that was for sure -- but wasn’t it normal not to know everything about each other yet? And it’s not like Jisung comes from a broken family or something, you thought. After all, he did say that his mother loved --

You froze.

Slowly, as if like a ghost was whispering in your ear, you felt an icy cold chill trickle down your spine, Jisung’s hollow voice echoing in your mind.

“My mother...like I said, she loved unconditionally. Patient, nurturing, kind...everything, well, you could ever want from a mother.”

Loved?

Past tense?

Your hand shot for your notebook and you practically ripped through the pages, looking for any other quotes you had written down.

“I don’t think my family was like everyone else’s.”

“My mother’s eyes were always so...loving and caring.”

Your eyes widened, a horrible sinking feeling in your gut.

“It sounds like your mother loves you a lot, then, huh? That’s so cute.”

“Y-yeah, she did.”

“Your father?”

“I wasn’t close with him. He was never...never around, so…”

What the hell had happened to Jisung’s parents? 

You barely suppressed the urge to bang your head against the table. Am I stupid? How had you not noticed what he’d been saying? What else had you glazed over and swept to the back of your mind?

You reached into your bag and pulled out your textbook, mumbling under your breath as you scanned the glossary. Mood swings. Nightmares. Anxiety. You’d read about this combination of symptoms before, hadn’t you? Sure enough, your fingers landed on the page you had been searching for.

POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER

The words glared coldly back at you as you read aloud, “Patients who suffer from PTSD are those who have experienced or witnessed a traumatic event in the past. Any mentions or reminders of this event can trigger the patient and send them into a distressed state. Symptoms include…” you felt a lump in your throat and swallowed thickly. “Nightmares, inability to concentrate, and an exaggerated startle response at any mention of the traumatic event.”

Your thoughts immediately wandered to Jisung’s sudden flashes between moods -- his bright, blinding smiles, easily swept away by the cold, stormy look in his eyes. How he sometimes seemed so far away, expression glazed and unfocused. And now, with what he had mentioned about his family…

Jotting this down with an increasingly uneasy feeling in your gut, you continued flipping through the textbook, skimming through familiar case studies and theories. Words leapt out at you from the pages and made your stomach turn: Abusive childhood. Case study: Jeffrey Dahmer. Psychopathy. Case study: Ted Bundy. 

You held your head, groaning, and slammed the textbook shut. Were you really looking at serial killer cases to compare your boyfriend with right now? If Jisung could see you, he’d probably think you were being intrusive and paranoid -- trying to diagnose someone just because a couple of symptoms matched up. You’d been lectured in class over and over again that it wasn’t your job to speculate and form baseless assumptions -- rather, that was exactly what made an irrational therapist, but...it almost felt like you were trapped neck-deep in quicksand. The more you tried to stop thinking about the secrets Han Jisung seemed to be hiding behind his dark eyes, the deeper you found yourself sinking.

It was nearly midnight by the time you finished the outline of your report, cicadas languidly chirping outside your window as you leaned back in your chair and yawned. In the end, you had included a bit of everything -- from the most harmless theories to the darkest case studies. Skimming over your notes warily, you shut your laptop and rolled into bed, completely drained. Speculations. That’s all they were -- it couldn’t hurt to write down all the possibilities, right? 

You shook your head before finally drifting off to sleep, a relaxed smile on your face.

What were the chances that Jisung was hiding anything serious, anyways?

────────

Bang Chan threw another shot of espresso down his throat, not tearing his eyes from his papers. His fingers were vibrating slightly from the amount of caffeine coursing through his veins, and he swore he could feel his heartbeat all the way to his toes -- but frankly, he couldn’t care less.

He’d received the crime scene files an hour earlier -- sketches, photographs, coroner’s report, witness statements. He’d spent the better part of the night arranging and rearranging them like a madman doing a Sudoku puzzle. Everything was fanned out now, his desk looking like a filing cabinet had exploded all over it. Cold cases, his own theories, even research he’d done on the side…

And yet not a single damn thing was adding up.

Every lead Chan had gotten had steered him into nothing but dead ends. He’d never seen anything like it -- the same type of killings, occurring within the walls of what was supposed to be the safest school in the country. They had occurred at irregular intervals at first -- a handful in one month, followed by a four month period of uneasy quiet before the killer had struck again. He could count the cases off of his fingers by now; Chan had read them so many times, raking through the files for even the slightest of clues.

First, it had been an arson in one of the health sciences laboratories -- one male student pronounced dead at the scene, ghastly chemical burns having melted away most of his facial features.

Then there was the body found hanging from the rooftop of one of the dorms, skull practically crushed from blunt force trauma.

The list went on and on, small details linking what had otherwise seemed like a spattering of anonymous murders. The killer was a pyromaniac, for sure -- more than half of the deaths were fire-related -- and might as well have been related to the Hulk or something, because the rest of the victims had been killed -- seemingly -- by bare hands.

Even Minho seemed reluctant to answer his questions, and Chan couldn’t blame him -- the sheer lack of evidence found at each crime scene was embarrassing. He could hear the coroner’s exasperated voice in his head:

“No fingerprints -- the killer probably wore gloves. No murder weapon, so no DNA to sample off of, either. Heck, there isn’t even that much blood spattering to analyze, Detective.”

That ruled out the usual causes of murders taking place in Miroh Heights -- drunkards who took a bar fight too far, crimes of passion, domestic violence. No, Chan shook his head, his brain feeling like mush slopping around in his skull and making him wince. They were dealing with someone much, much more complex.

Chan had a fistful of blond hair in one hand and a cup of nearly-empty coffee in the other. What was this killer’s M.O.? Serial killers almost always had a motive, and their victims usually had some things in common. Chan flipped through the victims’ profiles, gears in his head beginning to turn again despite his drooping eyes.

Na Jangmin, Victim #1. Cause of death: Smoke inhalation and respiratory burns. Chan remembered interviewing his classmates, and being surprised at how indifferent they had been about the supposed tragedy.

“He never saw us as his classmates, you know. He’d pick on the first-years like fresh meat. They say half of the new med students dropped out because of him.”

Interesting. He flipped to the next file, tapping his pen against his lip.

Park Beomsoo, Victim #2. Cause of death: cervical fracture and asphyxiation from hanging. Found nearly decapitated and swinging from the rooftop balcony of a dorm building. What had been interesting about this case, however, was the sheer amount of date rape drugs found in the man’s system during the autopsy.

“Rohypnol, mostly,” Minho had informed him. “Along with traces of GHB -- enough to cause brain damage for life. The man was likely already knocked out for good by the time he was hanged.”

This had been baffling until Chan had investigated further, and found out about the man’s reputation.

“He’d slip pills into girls’ drinks at the club,” one of his friends had told Chan, “and was proud of it, too. All he’d brag about was how many half-conscious girls he’s taken advantage of.”

Chan exhaled with a low whistle. That couldn’t be a coincidence -- the killer had to have known about Park’s disgusting habits. So the victims did have something in common -- although it wasn’t like any case he’d ever seen before.

None of the victims had been, per se, good people. They were, interestingly -- and revoltingly -- enough, monsters of another kind. They were people who wouldn’t be missed, simply because they were hated so much already.

Huh. A killer targeting killers. Interesting. But how? And why? Did the killer have some sort of fucked-up sense of justice?

He tapped his fingers anxiously. All his hopes lay on the evidence they had collected from the Yellow Wood attacks -- but the crime lab had yet to hand it over to his team. He grimaced at the memory of the body, whose head had caved in completely and rendered the victim practically unrecognisable. How could there not be a single trace of incriminating DNA from something so...brutal? And then there was Yang Jeongin, who, as far as he knew, was still in critical condition at the hospital. If only he would wake up, maybe Chan would finally get a lead…

Chan didn’t even notice the sun beginning to rise outside of his window until the first ray of morning light pricked at his eyes, making him blink in disoriented confusion. His burning pupils flickered to the clock. 6:25 A.M. Damn it.

He kicked his chair back and threw on a wrinkled suit jacket, stuffing all his notes into his briefcase before promptly stepping out of his office. Work never ended for Detective Bang.

Chan glimpsed his reflection in the shop windows as he made his way back onto Miroh Heights’ campus, running his hands through his hair in a feeble attempt to tame his bedhead (was it even a bedhead if he hadn’t touched a bed in 48 hours?). His eyes caught the familiar storefront of Glow Cafe and he immediately steered himself towards it. Wouldn’t hurt to grab himself a fresh cup of coffee, and maybe he could look at the crime scene again with fresh eyes.

The barista -- Hyunjin, was it? -- was scrawling something on the chalkboard sign propped outside, stumbling to his feet and brushing the chalk dust off his hands when he saw Chan approaching.

“All right, Hyunjin?”

Hyunjin gave a small smile that looked more like a grimace, his tired eyes wandering behind Chan. The detective didn’t have to turn to know he was staring at the spot Jeongin had been found -- the barista looked like he was seeing ghosts. Chan took a deep breath before plastering a reassuring smile on his face, throwing an arm around the younger boy’s hunched shoulders and steering him into his cafe.

“I’m gonna need you to make me a cold drip, kid, because I feel like dea--” he caught himself, clearing his throat awkwardly. No death. No death. “Like shit. I’m feeling like shit.”

But Hyunjin didn’t even seem to hear him, wordlessly making his way behind the counter and starting the coffee machine.

Chan watched him and sighed, pulling out a chair and collapsing over a table. Seconds later, the diner door swung open, the windchimes ringing brightly as two familiar faces walked in.

“Good morning, Chan. How’s--bloody hell, you look like death.” Woojin’s eyebrows shot up when he joined Chan at the table, looking the sleep-deprived detective up and down. Behind him was Han Jisung, backpack slung over his shoulder.

Chan grimaced and checked his reflection in one of the empty glasses. Sure enough, his eyes were puffy and ringed with layer upon layer of dark circles, and his mop of dandelion hair was at the point of no return. “To hell with it. What brings you two here this early in the morning?”

Jisung and Woojin exchanged a look before Jisung spoke up, grinning his usual sheepish grin. “I set my alarm way too early and couldn’t fall back asleep, so I went out for a morning walk. We bumped into each other, and were both in need of some coffee.”

Woojin nodded, pulling out a chair for the younger student. “I take it you’re here for the same reason, Detective?”

Chan grinned. “Guilty as charged, Captain. How--”

A sudden crash rang through the empty cafe, cutting him off. All three heads snapped up to see Hyunjin standing over a broken pot of coffee, glass shards splaying all over the floor tiles and the dark, bitter liquid seeping into the crevices. 

Chan jumped to his feet, holding his hands out. “Hey, you okay? Don’t move, I’ll get a mop. Uh, where do you keep your mops?” The detective’s voice trailed off when his eyes landed on Hyunjin’s face. The barista’s hands were still frozen in place, but his eyes were livid and staring straight at Han Jisung.

“Why the hell are you here?” Hyunjin was speaking through gritted teeth.

Jisung blinked. “Is...is it too early? Sorry, dude, I can leave if--”

“Why are you always interfering with the investigation? You were at the crime scene for no particular reason, and now you’re here again.” Hyunjin’s voice was getting louder and louder. “It’s pretty damn suspicious if you ask me--”

“You seem to be more of an interference than me,” Jisung replied, standing up abruptly. All childlike humour had vanished from his expression. “Rushing the investigation, hanging around the crime scenes despite not having an ounce of experience.”

“My friend is in the hospital, and nobody fucking knows why--”

“Jisung!”

All four men turned towards the direction of the voice, and saw you waving cheerfully through the window. Unbeknownst to the situation, you pushed open the glass doors and ran up to a bewildered Jisung, reaching up to ruffle his hair. “What brings you here?” You turned to Hyunjin. “Hey, ‘jinnie, I just thought I’d come early today, since I’ve been arriving late for the last couple of shifts. You know Jisung? He’s the blind date!”

You smiled at Chan and Woojin, who both nodded back but seemed at a loss for words, their gazes flickering between the two boys and you. Hyunjin’s face of confused shock mirrored Jisung’s, words finally spilling out of both boys’ mouths at the exact same time.

“This is your boyfriend?” “This is your friend?”

You blinked, taken aback at their raised voices. “I--yes? B-but--”

Hyunjin narrowed his eyes at Jisung. “So you’re the one y/n’s been talking nonstop about? Is this a joke?”

Your stared at him. “Hyunjin!” Your eyes fell on the shattered coffeepot at his feet and you yelped. “Holy frick, what happened? Hold on, I’ll get th--”

You were interrupted by Jisung shoving his chair aside with a loud bang. His expression wasn’t exactly angry, but you could see his fists and jaw were clenched so tightly they were shaking violently. “Fine. I’ll get going, then.” He looked to you, sighing. “See you later.”

You opened your mouth to reply, but Hyunjin cut you off. “No, you won’t.” 

Giving Hyunjin one last long, wordless look, Jisung strode out of Glow Cafe.

When he had gone, you turned on Hyunjin, fuming. “Hwang Hyunjin, what the fuck--”

“Do you really have to date him? Him?” Hyunjin threw his hands up in exasperation.

“Why on earth are you so worked up about who I date?” 

“The guy’s suspicious as hell, y/n! I have a bad feeling about him. And I don’t fucking like it.”

You sighed, reaching behind the counter for a dustpan and rag. Woojin took them from your hands and handed the rag to Chan to clean the spill, and you turned back towards Hyunjin. “Look, I know you’ve been shaken up lately. We’re all on edge, Hyunjin. Lashing out isn’t going to help.” You rubbed his back gently, and, despite his expression softening slightly, his brow remained furrowed. Exhaling slowly, you tried to change the subject. “Is your grandma awake? We should make sure she takes her medicine.”

After making Chan and Woojin a new pot of coffee, you and Hyunjin headed upstairs to the studio apartment where him and his grandmother lived. Here, the walls were made of old red brick, foggy panelled windows letting in weak strains of sunlight. Still, Hyunjin insisted it was cozy, the wooden frame bed his legs were too long for shoved against the windows, his architecture sketches and designs hanging from the walls. Down the hallway was his grandmother’s room, which Hyunjin paid much more attention to than his own -- keeping it as clean and comfortable as possible.

Hyunjin’s parents lived and worked abroad, leaving Hyunjin in the custody of his grandparents. The moment he’d gotten into Miroh Heights, he’d moved into the shop his grandmother had started, and had eventually also taken up the responsibility of storeowner once her dementia had worsened and his grandfather had passed away. Nowadays, she seldom got out of bed, Hyunjin being the only one taking care of her and keeping her company.

When you entered her room, Grandma Hwang was sitting up in bed, a newspaper in her hands. Upon closer inspection, you saw that it was the morning paper from two days ago: MURDER AT MIROH HEIGHTS, with the burnt-down flat on the cover.

Hyunjin quickly pulled the newspaper from her hands, tucking it away under his arm. “Don’t let her read the newspaper,” you remembered him telling you once, “I don’t want it to upset her. I don’t know why, but she’s started saying these strange things ever since the murders began. I don’t want her dementia to get worse.”

“Good morning, Grandma Hwang,” you smiled at her, patting her hand. She turned to you, looking as if she were staring straight through you. Hyunjin reached into her bedside cabinet for her medications. “Have you taken your medicine today?”

Slowly, the old woman shook her head, her eyes landing on the newspaper under Hyunjin’s arm. “Familiar…”

You frowned. “What’s familiar?”

She lifted a crooked finger, pointing straight at the burnt-down flat. “The old Han house...from years ago. So familiar. So...so long ago…”

Hyunjin and you exchanged a look. Are you sure she’s just rambling? You mouthed at Hyunjin, who nodded, but his expression was unsure. I’m gonna get her some water, he mouthed back, and disappeared from the room.

A few moments of silence passed as you watched the old woman, the soft morning glow smoothing out her wrinkles. Not being able to suppress your burning curiosity, you blurted, “Why--why is it so familiar?”

Her brow was furrowed in deep concentration but her eyes were blank slates, hands gesticulating meaninglessly. “Pastries...the pastries, need to deliver the pastries to all the houses. All the houses except the Hans’--” she shook her head wildly now, voice trembling. “No, no, not the Han house!”

You could feel your heart leap to your throat, a cold sweat beginning to form on the inside of your palms. Even if she was just rambling, like Hyunjin claimed, it made you extremely uneasy. “Why not the Han house?” You pressed, your own voice quavering slightly.

“Nowhere to go, my dear, nowhere, nowhere, went up in flames--” she gasped, hands clutching her face as she babbled. “So much burning, Lord help me...and...and everyone...burned to ashes...except for that tiny, little boy. Crawlin’ out--”

You heard Hyunjin clear his throat from the doorway, and the old woman’s voice faltered. He was holding a tall glass of water in one hand and shot you a look as he reached for his grandmother’s box of medications. You turned back, hoping she would continue, but her eyes were already glazed over with the fog of forgetfulness. 

As she swallowed her medicine, you turned to Hyunjin. “She was talking about...about delivering pastries.”

“Mm. Back in the day, when she still used to run the store, we did pastry deliveries,” Hyunjin explained, stroking his grandmother’s hand absently as she finished the glass of water. “She used to go door to door, around the neighbourhood, handing out baskets of them.”

You nodded slowly. “Was...was there ever a fire in Miroh Heights? A really big one, like -- like a house burning down.”

Hyunjin gave you a weird look. “A fire? The deliveries stopped around 13 years ago. I wasn’t there, you know. Whatever she told you, don’t listen to her. Her memories get all mixed up.” He saw your expression and frowned. “What? Did she say something weird?”

You bit your lip, but shook your head. “No. Nothing at all.”

────────

Jisung tore down the darkening backstreets, not knowing where he was going and feeling like the ground beneath him was spinning wildly out of control. Fucking hell. He had barely sat through his classes without losing it, the paranoia eating him from the inside out like a parasite. The air was cool and damp, the sky crammed with grey storm clouds knitting together ominously.

They didn’t suspect him, right? There was no way they knew it was him.

Imagine his barely concealed panic when he’d run into police captain Kim Woojin first thing in the morning. They’d talked about his major, the weather, everything but the investigation. And Chan -- the detective had greeted him just like he always had.

It was just that damn Hwang Hyunjin.

“You were at the crime scene for no particular reason...it’s pretty damn suspicious if you ask me.”

Bloody hell.

No, no, no. He couldn’t let them find out. Everyone knew Hwang Hyunjin had been showing the early signs of post-traumatic stress disorder from finding the delivery boy half-dead in a pool of blood. There was no way they’d take him seriously. 

He began limping as he wove through the alleyways, the foot he’d dropped the rock on still throbbing from the impact. He turned a corner briskly -- and slammed headfirst into a stout middle-aged man.

“I’m sor--”

“Look where you’re fucking going, punk,” the man screamed, the foul stench of liquor hitting Jisung’s nostrils and making him stumble backwards. The man was clearly homeless, judging from the state of his clothes and his matted hair. He must have wandered onto campus while the gates were still open. His milky eyes were squinty and he was swaying, an empty beer bottle swinging precariously in one hand.

Jisung lunged forward, ripping the bottle from his hands, and in one savage motion broke it over the man’s nose. The man howled in pain and Jisung raised the jagged glass again, ready to plunge it straight through the man’s open mouth -- he knew this motion well, he’d done it so many times he’d lost count--

But when he stared into the man’s bleeding eyes again, he saw a flash of your face. And he felt his entire body seize up, his arm stopping dead in its tracks.

You smiling at something he’d said. The way you’d hide your face behind your notebook when you were flustered. The smell of your hair when you hugged him tightly. The warm, familiar feeling of your skin brushing his when you ran your fingers through his hair--

The broken bottle slipped from Jisung’s hands, crashing onto the cobblestones. The man was whimpering, nose still spurting bright red blood. Jisung’s gaze flickered from one of his milky pupils to the other. Blind. He let go of the man’s tattered shirt collar, breathing hard as he turned around and did the only thing he seemed to know how to do.

Jisung ran.

Above him, the sky rumbled with deafening thunder before the clouds split open, sheets of rain pouring down on him as he stumbled down the streets. Blood was welling in his hands, crimson and sticky, and he wasn’t even sure whose blood it was anymore. All Jisung knew was that he needed to find you. He needed you by his side, to tell him it was okay, to say you would listen. To make him feel sane again.

He made it onto the main road and spotted a figure in the distance. Squinting through the rain, Jisung made out the shape of a taller man stumbling towards him. Before he could muster up the energy to turn away, the man had already reached him, hands shooting out to grab Jisung’s shoulders in a vicelike grip. Blood roaring in his ears, heart leaping to his throat, Jisung forced himself to look up.

It was Hwang Hyunjin.

Jisung immediately shoved his blood-soaked hands into his pockets, forcing himself not to yell when shards of broken glass dug and sliced into his palms. His mind was racing, running over a million possible things he could say. But Hyunjin didn’t even look down -- his gaze stayed on Jisung’s face, eyes glassy but narrowed.

Jisung realised with a start that the barista had been drinking. 

Hyunjin’s face was twisted into an expression of raw, tormented grief -- the kind of sadness that could only be felt when one was heavily intoxicated. “I s-see him ev’ry time I close m-my eyes,” he suddenly choked out, and Jisung didn’t have to ask to know he was talking about Jeongin. “His c-cold hands, the pool of b-blood, the poor kid--”

Jisung tried to wrench himself from Hyunjin’s grasp, but the barista didn’t budge. This was bad. He had to get out, had to get away, before Hyunjin sobered up and recognized him--

As if he could hear Jisung’s thoughts, Hyunjin’s grip on him tightened, the barista’s voice barely a whisper. “Who are you, Han Jisung? What are you hiding?”

Jisung felt his heart stop. “There’s nothing--I’m not hiding anything!” He stammered, feeling Hyunjin’s dark gaze bore into his own. The blood on his hands were beginning to seep through his pants, and it took all of his willpower not to cry out in pain. There was blood on Jisung’s face, too; he could taste it trickling into his mouth with the rainwater, but he could only hope it was too dark -- and that Hyunjin was too far gone -- to see.

Just as abruptly as he had grabbed Jisung, Hyunjin let go of his shoulders, looking like he was either about to cry or throw up. The taller boy pushed past Jisung, shambling down the street and disappearing into the thick veils of rain. Jisung watched him go, a sick, hollow feeling in his gut.

Above him, the rain began to fall harder.

────────

You woke with a start to a crack of thunder, eyes snapping open and your chest heaving. Your clothes were soaked through with a cold sweat. You’d had a nightmare after going to bed early, but any recollection of it was already beginning to fade away.

There had been a killer in your dream, covered in hot, crimson blood and surrounded by endless fire. Screams and children wailing echoed in your ears, but no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t remember the killer’s face.

On your bedside table, your phone buzzed, sending your heartbeat into overdrive. Calm down. It was a dream -- just a dream. Shaking, you reached for your phone, reading the notification that had startled you. And just like that, you blood ran cold again.

DANGER

ACTIVE SERIAL KILLER AT LARGE

10:44 P.M. AN ATTACK HAS OCCURRED ON CAMPUS. POLICE BELIEVE THE PRIME SUSPECT IS THE PERPETRATOR OF THE MIROH HEIGHTS MURDERS. THE KILLER IS STILL ON CAMPUS.

MIROH HEIGHTS IS ENTERING LOCKDOWN.

REPORT ANY SUSPICIOUS PERSONS TO MHPD IMMEDIATELY. 

RESIDENTS STAY INDOORS.

You nearly dropped your phone, fumbling with it to check the time. 10:46 P.M. This was real. This was happening. Bits of your nightmare came back to you in hot flashes. A sudden burst of lightning and a rumble of thunder sent you burrowing underneath the covers, terrified tears beginning to form in your eyes. Pulling the comforter close, you pressed the Phone app and called the first person you could think of.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Be--

“Hello?”

You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding as soon as Jisung’s familiar voice filled your ears. “I-I’m sorry,” you gasped, voice trembling uncontrollably, “did I wake you?” 

There was a long pause before Jisung finally answered. “No, of course not. Is everything alright?”

“I--I’m scared,” you mumbled, chewing on your lip. The sound of Jisung’s voice, and even his breathing, was already beginning to calm you down. “Did you -- did you get the alert too? There’s a s-serial killer on campus right now.”

Jisung’s legs had threatened to give way the moment he heard your voice, pressing his phone to his ear like a lifeline. Despite your voice sounding small and shaky, he felt his erratic heartbeat beginning to steady. He quickly skimmed over the lockdown notification, cursing underneath his breath. Shit. Breathing hard away from the receiver, he tried to sound as calm as possible when he brought it back towards his mouth. “Yeah, I just got it.”

Your ears strained, and you frowned -- you swore you could hear something that sounded like heavy rain coming from the other end of the line. “Are you...outside right now? Get home as soon as possible--”

“I’m home,” Jisung interrupted you, a small smile in his voice. “Bad service, yeah -- a lot of static. Probably the storm outside.” The lie tasted bittersweet on his tongue. His hair was drenched in water, dripping onto his face as he spoke. Even through the tinny phone, he felt a rush of warmth fill his hollow chest, the corners of his parched lips tugging upwards. He could almost see you curled up in blankets in your bed, hiding from the storm outside. 

No, he corrected himself with a pang, you weren’t hiding from the storm.

You were hiding from him.

Jisung unclenched his fists, broken glass falling from his palms and leaving half-moon shaped cuts in his skin. You’d called him the moment you felt scared. You had trusted him. Jisung felt the water droplets sting at his wounds, his hand feeling as though it were burning away. 

Who am I?

Was he the boy you loved, the one who made you laugh, the one who made you feel safe?

Or was he the depraved serial killer that sent everyone he loved running?

You heard Jisung clear his throat on the other line. “Listen, don’t be scared, okay? The killer, he -- he won’t hurt you.”

You laughed, just the sound making Jisung’s breath catch in his throat. “How do you know?”

Jisung tilted his head back, face to the sky, feeling the torrents of rain wash away the tears that had begun to well up in his eyes. With the hands of a wanted murderer, covered in blood that wasn’t his own, he pressed the receiver closer to his mouth, lips curling into a sad smile.

“I just do.”

[dreamcatcherfication]

Welcome to the Murder House - Lights Up on Hampton High

Fuck it. I wasn’t going to post anything today, mush less this, but I thought I’d surprise you all. The only person who really knows about this is @theatergirl06 who read half of the first chapter way back during our ask war (it’s been over a month since then, I think!). I have the whole plot written out already, but I realized I would never finish this unless I started posting and pushed myself to work on it.

A little context! This is my high school/murder mystery AU that’s been in my google drive for a while now (no, it’s not based on WATT - not majorly, at least). PSA: I’m using American style high schools because I’m not British and I don’t want to mess something simple up. I’m cruel, and let’s just say there are going to be many, many plot twists. Also Parrlyn is in there. But enough rambling - it’s time I welcome you... Welcome to the Murder House, please enjoy your stay.

Writing Masterpost

If you want to send a request or a prompt, my inbox is always open! I publish a story at 8:00 AM PST everyday, so I’m always in need of new ideas. If you want to be tagged in my works, just let me know and I’ll be sure to tag you!

Prompts | More Prompts | The Trifecta of Prompts | Original Prompts

Trigger Warnings: Talk of death, the typical amount of swearing/insults you’d expect from high schoolers, brief slut shaming/sexual harassment, high school bullying, mentions of parental abuse

Anne Boleyn was the most popular girl in school, and it was obvious to anyone just why. She was the prettiest girl around with the most desirable figure. She had a sharp wit, ready to cut anyone who got too close for comfort, yet at the same time drew everyone in. Everyone at Hampton High bowed down at the feet of Anne Boleyn, worshipping her very existence. Any newcomer to the school would immediately be enlightened on her legendary rise to fame.

The only thing Anne Boleyn was more infamous for than her rise to power was her fierce protectiveness over her cousin, Katherine Howard. Katherine was only a sophomore but she had quickly climbed the ranks at Hampton due to Anne keeping her close at all times. It was rare to see the cousins separated outside of their classes. 

Kitty Howard was an innocent lamb compared to the predator that Anne was among the student body. Anne sheltered her from any boy wishing her harm and attacked anyone who even looked at Kitty wrong. Unaware to Anne, this backfired on Kit, keeping her from making any friends of her own other than the seniors Anne deemed acceptable to be around Kitty.

This included Anna von Cleves and Cathy Parr, two of Anne’s classmates whom she had the most faith in. Anna was vulgar and unafraid to fight someone bold enough to challenge her, a butch senior with a history of disciplnary trouble. Anne had known Anna since elementary school when their teachers thought it would be fun to pair the two together due to their names. On the other hand, Cathy was quiet and supportive, but also a talented writer with distinct opinions and uncontrollable stubbornness. She had transferred to Hampton in junior year and Anne had taken her under her wing, hurling her up the social standings. The four of them were the golden quartet of Hampton High and no one dared mess with them.

Not when they were together at least.

Henry Tudor was a popular, brutish jock with as many brain cells as inches on his dick. In his time at Hampton, he had dated six girls, including all of the four aforementioned girls. His first girlfriend, Catherine de Aragon, had dated him for the entirety of freshman year and half of sophomore year. It was in their second year when Catherine found out that Henry had been cheating on her with Anne Boleyn, some popular queen at school. Catherine tried to confront Anne but was instead humiliated and kicked down the social ladder. Anne was boosted to the most popular girl after getting together with Henry.

But karma always came back, and Anne found out her idiotic boyfriend was cheating on her as well. Jane Seymour, the sweet student council member had been seeing Henry before he broke up with Anne. She refused to back off Henry, leading to Henry breaking up with Anne so the two of them could be together. But Anne wouldn’t let herself be pushed out of the light like Catherine, so she fired back at Henry, stepping on him to secure her spot at the top of the social ladder.

After a pregnancy scare, Jane broke up with Henry, too frightened to stay with someone like him. So Henry moved on and tried online dating, meeting HotAC and taking a liking to her. Too bad that when he tried to hook up with her, he found out that she was one of Anne Boleyn’s friends. Too embarrassed to admit that he was scared of getting on Anne’s bad side again, Henry accused Anna von Cleves of being an ugly horse and turned half the student body against Anna and the others.

Thus began the ongoing feud between Henry Tudor and his jocks with Anne Boleyn and her Golden Quartet.

Henry’s final girlfriend was Cathy Parr, if only briefly. When she first got to Hampton, Henry latched onto her and essentially peer pressured her into dating him. Barely a month into the two of them being together, Anne pushed her way into the relationship and saved Cathy from an unsavory high school experience with Henry.

The bad blood between Anne and Catherine and Jane kept the three from interacting, but Anne was fiercely protective of all the other previous girlfriends of Henry Tudor. Senior year, finally the drama with Henry had cooled down and the school seemed to be at a standstill, waiting for the next bombshell to drop. No one dared to talk about Henry’s fifth girlfriend to Anne’s face for fear of what she would do at the mention of his actions...

Like any other day, Anne was sitting at the quartet’s lunch table while Anna was on top of the table itself. Anna had one hand leaning against the table as well as one foot up while the other dangled off the edge. “It said some pretty nasty stuff, are you sure you want to know?” Anna asked hesitantly, her eyes on Anne’s clenched fists.

“Yes, I want to know what they’re saying about my cousin,” Anne gritted out through her teeth.

Nervously scratching her nose, Anna relented. “It was on her locker, thank God she didn’t notice. There was some cheap photo from a porno with the words ‘Slutty Kitty’ written under it.”

“Those dickwads!” Anne slammed her hands against the table.

Rushing to calm Anne down, Anna assured her, “Hey, Cathy and I cleaned it off before Kit could see it.” It was a miracle she managed to calm Anne down, even if only by a little bit. The popular girl was known for having a temper, and it had been a long time goal of Anna’s to balance her out.

What neither of the girls noticed was Kitty herself approaching the table, her backpack pulled tight around her body. She had overheard the conversation, but put on a perky attitude to make it seem like she was oblivious. Anne didn’t like when Kitty was sad, so she tried to avoid being sad around Anne. No need to worry her cousin about something stupid like high school bullying. “Hi Anna, Hi Annie!”

The two girls turned to face Kit and smiled. “Hey Kit,” Anna said, sliding off the table to sit on the bench across from Anne.

“How’s my favorite cousin?” Anne asked, scooting to the side so there was room for Kitty.

Shrugging, Kitty put her backpack on the floor. “I’m fine. Science was boring, as usual. But in history we started talking about the French Revolution, and I told my partner about the time you built a guillotine -”

Gasping in playful shock, Anne covered her cousin’s mouth. “I thought I told you never to talk about that incident!” Anna leaned forward dramatically, even though she had already heard the story multiple times.

“You tried to chop my head off for treason!”

“It was out of love -”

“How do you chop someone’s head off out of love?”

Before the conversation could escalate, Cathy entered the cafeteria and made her way over to the table, catching the trio’s attention. “Hey Cathyyyy,” Anne said, batting her eyelashes at the other girl.

Ignoring Anne, Cathy sat down on the other side of the table with Anna. “Are you still working on that article for the newspaper?” Anna asked before taking a bite of her rice and chicken (yes, she was the stereotypical black girl. She knew and was proud of it).

Nodding in confirmation, Cathy sighed and banged her head on the table. A moment later she lifted her head again and gave the others a tired smile. “Yeah, and it’s kicking my ass. I was just interviewing Jane Seymour and Catherine de Aragon about -”

“Woah woah woah, you were talking to Jane Seymour and Catherine de Aragon?” Anne gaped at Cathy.

“Well yeah, it’s for -”

“Why would you talk to them?” Anne exploded. “They’re massive bitches and you know our history. They’re the reason behind all the rumors at school and you entertained their bullshit?”

Giving Anne an incredulous glare, Cathy shot back, “Okay first, I was only talking to them because they’re both in charge of the student community service branch of council and I needed their interviews for the paper. And two, even if I did want to talk to them, who are you to tell me who I can and can’t be friends with? You’re popular Anne, but you’re not our dictator.” All the girls were open mouthed at Cathy’s tirade, but the girl in question only sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “I’m sorry Anne, but let me make my own decisions.”

Swallowing thickly, Anne nodded. “Right, I’m sorry Cathy. Just… the three of us don’t have a good history.”

Laughing lightly, Cathy made eye contact with Anne. “Yeah, I know.”

“More like the whole school knows,” Anna mumbled, giving Anne a fake smile when her head shot to the side to glare at her friend. But when Kitty giggled, Anne let Anna off the hook and laughed with her cousin.

“Hey Anna, you’re still good to walk Kit home, right?”

Shooting Kitty a cheeky grin, Anna confirmed with Anne. “Yeah, I’ll make sure no wild kidnappers jump out to catch her while you’re not there.” They all joked about it, but everyone knew how protective Anne was over her cousin. 

“And Cathy, you and I are still -”

“Still going to infiltrate the cafeteria in order to prove there is malpractice going on, yes.”

Rolling her eyes, Anne complained, “Come on, you make it sound so boring. We’re going to break into the school and cause chaos in the cafeteria.”

“That sounds like fun!” Kit agreed, bumping shoulders with Anne.

Resting her chin on her hand, Cathy exhaled loudly. “It is not fun, it’s important. If we can prove the food isn’t up to health standards, then we can finally take some steps towards proper changes around here,” the writer explained.

“Wait, does that mean they’ll get rid of the pizza?” Anna asked.

“NOT THE PIZZA!” Anne cried, far louder than she should have. Kitty shushed her when some of the nearby tables looked over. Protectively, Anne hunched over the last slice of pizza still on her plate. It was far from healthy but Anne was addicted to the grease.

The only ones at the table who didn’t have lunch were Cathy and Kit. Cathy tended to sleep or work during lunch, so she trained her body to run only on two meals and a plethora of snacks throughout the day. And although Kit wouldn’t admit it, her father never gave her any lunch money or provided her with lunch foods. If she asked, he would give her lunch but then refuse to serve her dinner, so Kitty learned to stop asking. “Look Anne, if you want to break into the cafeteria with me, you’re going to have to forfeit your pizza rights.”

In an almost comical moment, Anne actually contemplated whether to choose pizza or breaking and entering, but eventually she gave in. “Alright, I’m sorry pizza, my second love!” And then Anne devoured the slice.

The other three girls rolled their eyes. Whenever Anne made a comment about “my second love” it was almost always followed up with something like - “As much as I love you pizza, you never stood a chance against Cathy Parr, the apple of my eye.”

For as long as the quartet had been friends, Anne had been flirting with Cathy. None of them questioned it anymore, and even Cathy had become accustomed to the constant shows of affection. Both girls were obviously attracted to each other, but Cathy made it very clear she didn’t want to date anybody anytime soon. So instead, Anne kept serenading her with proclamations of love.

Later that day, Anna and Kit were talking home together, comfortably chatting with each other. “She built the guillotine to threaten Mary, but Mary scares Anne way too much - even though she’ll never admit it - for her to actually attempt it.” Anna nodded along to the story, even though this was probably the fourth time Kit was telling it. “So when I told Anne that the guillotine idea was stupid - which it was! - she accused me of treason.”

“How dare she,” Anna spoke in mock horror, playing along with Kitty.

“Right! Ugh,” Kit groaned, “so of course George was on board with it because he’s always on board with Anne’s shi-” 

Anna shushed Kit aggressively before she could curse. “I may not be your cousin but I don’t want my head chopped off if she gets wind I let you curse.”

Kit frowned but then continued her story. “So they got the guillotine which looked so scary, because I was only ten, and carried me to it execution style. George held me down and everything while Anne tied a blindfold around my eyes. By now I’m freaking out because no one’s stopping them - I didn’t actually think they were gonna kill me,” Kit scoffed in the self assured voice of someone who was most definitely lying. “And whoosh! The blade comes down and I don’t scream, and the two of them are laughing at me!” Kit pouted and stomped her foot in frustration. “The blade was fake, it was only styrofoam.”

Lightly punching Kit’s shoulder, Anna commented, “Must’ve been traumatising.”

“It was embarrassing,” Kit groaned.

“Well it’s your fault for hanging out with them.”

Perking up at those words, Kit ran ahead and spun around so she was walking backwards and facing Anna. “On the topic of hanging out with people…”

Quirking up an eyebrow, Anna invited, “Yes?”

“Do you think Anne would be mad if I hung out with other people?”

Furrowing her eyebrows, Anna shrugged. “I don’t know, Anne’s pretty unpredictable. But it’s like Cathy says, she can’t control who you hang out with.”

“So…” Kit waited for confirmation. “Does that mean it’s okay to be friends with other people?”

“Of course Kit, you can be friends with whoever you want,” Anna told the sophomore. The two of them had known each other practically their whole lives, Anna remembering Kit from when she was a toddler. It gave her a lot of teasing material, but usually she left that to Anne. If Kit wanted to branch out and meet new people, Anna would support her without hesitation.

Unbeknownst to Anna, Kit already had an idea of who she wanted to befriend. In her mind, it made perfect sense. Together, the six of them all shared the misfortune of dating Henry, so why shouldn’t they be friends? Or at least acquaintances. She had never told Anne, but Kit found her rivalry with Jane and Catherine stupid. They had so much they could relate to, why let past bad blood govern their relationships?

Anna waved Kit goodbye when they reached her door. “I’ll see you tomorrow Kit,” Anne called, watching to make sure Kitty got inside safely.

“Bye Anna!” she replied, unlocking the door and moving inside. Once the door was closed, Kit let her backpack slide off her back as a smirk grew on her face. She couldn’t wait for tomorrow.

Anne kept turning around in her seat to watch the cafeteria doors, completely ignoring her lunch. Whatever Cathy and Anna were talking about faded into white noise as she peered through waves of students passing through the doors. She couldn’t focus on anything, frantically searching for any sign of her cousin. “You alright Anne?” Anna asked, breaking her conversation with Cathy.

Removing her gaze from the crowds, Anne faced her confused friends. “Have either of you seen Kitty today?”

“I saw her during passing period,” Cathy commented, twirling a pen in her hand.

“Right,” Anne mumbled, shooting another glance at the door. “She’s late for lunch.”

“Maybe a teacher’s holding her up,” Anna offered, 

Still, Anne was unconvinced. “You think something’s wrong?”

“No,” Cathy waved her hand. “Kit can take care of herself, Anne.”

“But what if -”

“But what if nothing,” Cathy cut her off. “She’s not eating lunch with us for one day. It’s not a big deal. You’ll see her after school Anne, and everything will be fine.”

Sighing, Anne shook her head, glancing at the empty seat next to her. “Everything will be fine,” she told herself.

As for Kit, she was on a mission. Jane Seymour and Catherine de Aragon tended to stay away from others, not interacting all that much with the student body. They were both reserved, so Kit didn’t expect to be able to confront them easily. It was pure dumb luck she ended up where she did.

While leaving her classroom for lunch, Kit had been swarmed by a bunch of juniors who knocked her over without apologizing. All her books went sprawling across the floor, stepped on by her inconsiderate peers. Scrambling around, Kit tried to pick up her papers before they could be ripped or further damaged.

A hand came into view, holding her history textbook. Looking up, Kit was stunned into silence at the kind face of Jane Seymour. “You dropped this,” she prompted, holding out the book.

Hesitantly taking it, Kit murmured, “Thank you.”

Her eyes sweeping across the floor, Jane offered an apologetic glance at the mess of papers. “Do you need some help with this?”

“Uh,” Kit blanked. “That would be great!” she accepted a little too enthusiastically. Jane only chuckled and bent down to help grab the papers.

It occurred to Kit for a moment that Jane might not know who she is. But when Jane handed her the last of the papers and said, “There you go Katherine,” that thought went flying out the window. Biting her lip, Kit awkwardly shifted on her feet. She could leave right now and go have lunch with her friends or… Jane seemed to catch on to what Kit was waiting for. “Would you like to eat lunch with me?” she asked.

Without a second of hesitation, Kit nodded her head. “Yes, I’d like that.”

“Well okay then,” Jane grinned, leading Kit away from the cafeteria. “Catherine and I - Catherine de Aragon,” she clarified as if Kit didn’t already know, “we sit outside. It’s peaceful and not many people come to bother us.”

“Sounds nice,” Kit replied, her voice still soft. Jane noticed but decided not to comment on it. She wasn’t one to judge people.

When the two of them made it out of the building, Jane was flagged over by Catherine de Aragon who was sitting on a blanket under a tree. It seemed like she had set up for a picnic, even though they were still on school grounds in the middle of a school day. “You brought a guest today?” Catherine raised her eyebrows at Jane, her lips tugging upwards.

“Sure did,” Jane replied, plopping down next to her. “You can sit down wherever you like Katherine.”

Awkwardly shuffling to the opposite side of the blanket, Kit sat down and hugged her backpack to her chest. She didn’t have any lunch, as per usual, so she used her backpack as a barrier between her and the other two girls. Suddenly, she cursed herself for wanting to make new friends. Where had this social anxiety been before she got here?

Catherine and Jane seemed to notice her awkwardness (who wouldn’t?), so they attempted to get rid of it. “So Katherine…” the other Catherine started. “Why’d you want to have lunch with us today?”

Mumbling lightly, Kit felt a small blush of embarrassment rise to her cheeks. “What?” Jane prodded, unable to hear Kit’s answer. 

“I wanted to make new friends,” she told them, burying her head in her arms.

The two seniors shared a glance before turning their attention back to Kit. “Of course you can be our friend,” Jane assured her.

“Really?” Kit peeked her head up.

“Sure, why not,” Catherine answered. “You seem nice enough, and there’s no reason for us not to be friends.”

Frowning, Kit picked at her fingernails. “But Anne.”

Visibly, Jane flinched and Catherine’s face morphed into a snarl. “You’re not her,” Jane spoke calmly, putting a hand on Catherine’s arm. “If you want to be our friend, we’re not going to let that come between us.”

For a moment, Kit almost ran away. This is what she wanted, but now that it was being presented to her, she was terrified. She had never had friends that weren’t also Annie’s. She didn’t know how to start her new friendships other than with, “Okay.”

Catherine and Jane shared a glance. “Okay.”

“Well this is going to be awfully confusing for me,” Jane laughed, “Two C/Katherines!”

“Oh!” Kit perked up, “You can call me Kat. Or Kit. Or Kitty. Any of them work.” Then to herself, “Wow, I have a lot of nicknames.”

Chuckling, Catherine stuck out her hand. “Kat’ll do. Well Kat Howard, I’m your new friend Catherine.”

“And I’m your new friend Jane. Pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

At the end of the day, Kit almost screamed in surprise when Anne practically rugby tackled her to the ground. “Where were you!” Anne demanded, hugging Kit tightly. “I was so worried.”

“I’m fine Annie,” Kit assured her cousin. 

“Then where were you?” Anna stood beside Anne, watching the scene unfurl. Anne was huffing, her face red, a cross between relief, fear, and anger. The Boleyn girl cared so much about her cousin, but sometimes she became overbearing.

Hugging Anne back, Kit explained, “With my new friends.”

“You have new friends!” Anne brightened, pulled Kit closer. “That’s amazing! Do I know them?”

Letting out an awkward laugh, Kit prepared for the worst. “Jane Seymour and Catherine de Aragon,” she admitted.

Freezing, Anne slowly pulled away from Kit. “What?” she asked, her face as hard as stone.

“Jane Seymour and Catherine de -”

“I heard what you said!” Anne screeched. “You of all people, Kit!” Turning around and stomping a few feet away, Anne screamed into her hands. She spun back around to face Kit and marched up to her. “Those girls aren’t worthwhile friends. They don’t actually care about your wellbeing -”

“How do you know that!” Kit fired back in frustration. “You’re blinded by this stupid fued that’s been going on for years. They were nice to me and we didn’t even have to talk about Henry or any of that.”

Clenching her fists, Anne tried to stay calm. “I don’t trust them Kit. I don’t feel comfortable letting you hang around them.”

“Good thing it’s not your choice then,” Kit stood up for herself. Anna continued watching to the side, frantically texting Cathy for backup. She wasn’t getting any response.

Yelling through her teeth, Anne pulled at her hair. “Kitty, my dearest cousin,” she spoke in a sweet voice. “You know I love you.”

“Don’t you dare and try and guilt me.”

There was a moment where Anne almost continued, but her conscience kicked in. She knew Kit’s history with guilt tripping, and that was a line she would never cross. Before either of them could make another comment, Cathy came bursting out the school doors, sprinting towards them faster than she had ever run in her life. Anna looked up from her phone which she had been repeatedly texting Cathy on. “Cathy? What’s wrong?” Anna called.

Gasping for air as she slid to a stop in front of them, Cathy’s face was ghostly white. “Christina Denmark is missing. The police think she’s been murdered.”

------------------------------------------

Tag List:

@radcowboyalmondtree @boleynhowards @annabanana2401 @babeebobo @dont-lose-your-queerhead @everything-insanity @mindless-pidgeon @i-wanna-dance-and-sing-six @thenicestnonbinary @its-totes-gods-will @thatbolxyngirl @thenameisnoone @sixqueendom @frogs-in-clogs @timetoriseabove

[haich-slash-cee]

Is the print publishing world picking up online/fandom terms? How they are using them? How do we feel about this?

So this is... attention-getting, for folks who like to follow publishing and meta stuff.

https://twitter.com/sapphicxrey/status/1215065948677443584

https://twitter.com/TorDotComPub/status/1233391556750647299

(2nd tweet -- TW, mentions of non-con)

Are we seeing the beginnings of book publishers directly borrowing from online/fandom culture in promoting their books? How do we feel about these examples?

More below cut.

Exhibit #1: screenshots of Bonds of Brass promo from Jan 8 2020. (Which is probably going to have reactions of “haha, cute” at most.)

Transcript of blurb: 

“If you like... 

forbidden romances, “there’s only one bed”, cityships, weaponized umbrellas, powersuits, secret princes, best friends, best friends PINING, fake dating between PINING best friends, tactical streaking, the minivan of starships, cigar-chomping cyborg ladies, scary empress moms, galactic-level bisexual disasters, LEGACY (WHAT IS A LEGACY?), rooftop hopping, golden trios, rumblin’ drums, bootleg fireworks, BIG SPACE BATTLES PEW PEW, a surprisingly functional public transit system, mob trouble, one hell of a pilot, the inherent DRAMA of empire, a nice interlude in a river, smoking a joint that’s been on the floor, sick stunts, slick grifts, hiding in a dumpster, or any combination of the above,

 Then you might like 

BONDS OF BRASS”

The Twitter responses seem to be generally enthusiastic. (And also, “FinnPoe! FinnPoe!”)

Personally, I’m intrigued from a meta-view of “oh so that’s definitely pulling from online world and fanfiction world, interesting. I wonder how much fanfiction culture is starting to influence print book culture and promotion.” Maybe I’ve got some questions like, “Ok so moneymaking companies such as Penguin are now using culture developed by the not-moneymaking-world of fanfiction? How do we feel about this?” Anyway, the book looks cute, I’m interested enough and I might get it from the library.

I suspect many people’s reactions are along the lines of “hm, interesting”, “sounds like a lark”, or “haha they’re using AO3 tags as promo”, etc. 

Exhibit #2, screenshots of DOCILE promo, from Feb 28 2020 (today is March 1 2020), and screenshots of Twitter responses so far:

(*CW, non-con discussion)

Tweet transcript:

“DOCILE by @KMSzpara:  

-Dubcon/Noncon 

-Dramatic Trillionaire Content 

-BDSM and then some more BDSM and then a lot more BDSM

 -Hurt/comfort and hurt/no comfort

 -Cinnamon roll of steel 

-The most scandalous kink: love 

-Courtroom, bedroom, & Preakness drama

[Tor book website link]”

So this is getting mixed reactions on Twitter. All dozen or so reactions, so far. Here’s text transcripts and bio info from repliers, below. I’m being a little obsessive, mostly to show that there’s a mix of queer, book-ish people in the replies (including the author).)

Noncon is nonconsentual sex, rape. Even in fandom it's a content tag, not a promotional term. I can't imagine being a rape survivor and seeing this come across my TL. -- @WriteSomeGood [queer rainbow] [Cis queer homemaker, aspiring author, maker of incredible cinnamon buns. She/her] [has a Tumblr page]

I’m not a survivor but it was an instant “no thank you” from me. And I was sincerely looking forward to this prior to. This is the most immediately off-putting marketing push I’ve seen for a book in a long damn time. -- @AGAWilmot [Author, editor, artist. Co-EIC of @anathemaspec. @SFU alum. The Death Scene Artist/W&W 2018. Ace/enby. They/them. Horror is my comfort food.]

Whichever intern wrote this tweet, deserves a full time job. With benefits. -- @simeontsanev [Aspiring writer, post-aspiring musician, and overall geek  He/Him /[queer rainbow]/ To the world we dream about, and the one we live in now! http://simeontsanev.com]

Idk why everyone thinks it’s always an intern writing copy and not a team comprised of extremely skilled social media experts, editors, publicists and marketers, and their assistants  I worked on those tags with my editor and a good friend!! -- @KMSzpara [Kellan. [queer rainbow]  Speculative fiction writer. Queer agenda.  Hugo & Nebula finalist.  DOCILE 3/3/20 from Tor Dot Com Publishing.  He/him.  Rep @suddenlyjen] *The author, bio page and twitter page.

this is CUTE! -- @MSSciarappa  [queer rainbow] I do books. he/him.

I am Extremely Ready for this content thank u -- @JessicaBCooper [Journo ☽ Writer of faerie, villain fuckery & cruel desires ☽ Lestat & Loki's love child ☽ Aleksander Morozova's side-hoe ☽ Rep'd by Kate Testerman @ktliterary]

I’m listening -- @MerynLobb [Government worker. Weightlifter. Nihilist. Aspiring cult leader. Avid user of words, often bad ones. #AMM R6 Mentee. she/her]

Soon! Soon!! -- @castrophony [Geek. Gamer. Cosplayer. Bibliophile. Scientist. She/Her.]

[happy reaction gif] -- @TorDotComPub [Providing a home for writers to tell SFF stories in exactly the number of words they choose. All our titles are available globally in print and DRM-free ebook.]

[throwing stuff in dumpster, unhappy reaction gif] -- @cursedgravy  [name's xavi, im a transman and i like to daydream about making content] 

For more context, here’s the blurb from the author website. Below is the blurb from the publisher’s site:

“Docile

K.M. Szpara

K. M. Szpara's Docile is a science fiction parable about love and sex, wealth and debt, abuse and power, a challenging tour de force that at turns seduces and startles.

There is no consent under capitalism.

To be a Docile is to be kept, body and soul, for the uses of the owner of your contract. To be a Docile is to forget, to disappear, to hide inside your body from the horrors of your service. To be a Docile is to sell yourself to pay your parents' debts and buy your children's future.

Elisha Wilder’s family has been ruined by debt, handed down to them from previous generations. His mother never recovered from the Dociline she took during her term as a Docile, so when Elisha decides to try and erase the family’s debt himself, he swears he will never take the drug that took his mother from him.

Too bad his contract has been purchased by Alexander Bishop III, whose ultra-rich family is the brains (and money) behind Dociline and the entire Office of Debt Resolution. When Elisha refuses Dociline, Alex refuses to believe that his family’s crowning achievement could have any negative side effects—and is determined to turn Elisha into the perfect Docile without it.

Content warning: Docile contains forthright depictions and discussions of rape and sexual abuse.”

So that’s a lot of info and reactions.

Personally: at first glance, I absently skimmed the tweet and “hurt/comfort” popped out, and I was like “What? Mainstream publishing is cool with this now? I was wondering if ‘hurt/comfort’ would one day become commonly used in publishing [related post]. But this is way sooner than I thought.” And then I read the rest of of the tweet and thought, “Wait, what?” 

And then I started reading through the tweet replies and thought, “OK, at the risk of getting a bunch of Tumblr drama, I want to bring this to the whump community and see how people feel."

As for myself, one of my squicks is non-con, and I’m not really interested in hurt/no comfort. So just from the tweet, I know the book is not for me. The official blurbs confirmed that. In this sense, this is like skimming Ao3 tags on a fic and saying “pass” on a story.

However, I have questions about the specific promotion of the book. So the official blurbs are pretty standard. What about that tweet, which Tor (and the author, who helped put it together) put out? Because I think an official publisher’s Tweet comes with different context than Ao3 tags.

First, the different internet spaces. You can filter tags on Ao3 and Tumblr. I know you can mute words on Twitter, but is that the same thing? Also, would people be expecting these tags on Twitter? Compared to Ao3 or Tumblr or Tumblr Whump spaces?

Within the Tumblr Whump community, from what I’ve browsed, the community attitude (guidelines?) seem to be “Write and discuss what you want. Be sure to tag it, use content warnings, or otherwise clearly communicate if you have things that may be triggering. Respect people’s squicks/triggers. Walk away from what you don’t like.” Like, tumblr whump has a very specific culture of trying to balance discourse/stories about potentially very dark stuff, but also wanting to make sure the IRL people and Tumblr users are okay. There’s always posts going around about how to do this, are we doing this in the right way, ethics, so on. Also -- and people can correct me -- the whump tumblr space might be where tags are content warnings for people to stay away, and also what people might actively look for. So if any space is going to discuss if this promotional tweet checks out, I feel like it’s this space. 

Also, to note again, Tor Tweets are in the money-official-publisher-world, not unpaid-tumblr-people or unpaid-fanfiction-fandom-world.

Maybe I just want to ask, “Hey those first two tweet responses, does they have a point? Tor using ‘noncon’ as official promotion? On Twitter?” I mean, I’ve previously written, “The CW and TW tags that Ao3 writers use, I really wish those were used with published books as well.” But somehow, the Tor tweet was not quite what I was expecting. Maybe for reasons similar to that first tweet response. (I guess one could debate if a tweet is really promotion or just information... you know what someone can correct me, but I’m gonna say that a Tor.com tweet is promotion, compared to information like Ao3, and that tweet was there for promotion.)

Those tags operate within specific Ao3 and Tumblr cultures and infrastructure. I don’t hang around Twitter for whump stuff, IDK what the culture is. Anyway, does dropping these tags into a promotional tweet from Tor.... translate?

The tweet is evidently gathering the people who are there for it, and the people who aren’t there for it are quickly realizing that they are not there for it. But personally, the Tor website blurb does a better job at that, using writing that I’d expect from a publisher for communicating fictional non-con situations. (Maybe the blurb content warnings are what I wanted more of, when I said I wished for CW and TW in books.)

Anyway, there’s no huge drama about that Docile book promo on Twitter, as far as I can tell. So this is a niche thing, right now. But. The promo for Bonds of Brass and for Docile might be the beginnings of a trend of well-known book publishers borrowing from online writing / fandom culture and terminology in order to promote or categorize their books. These two promos might set a precedent or have other significance.

So if anyone has discourse on the tweets or potential future trends... 

[kiu-k]

"Why they say Winifred Barnes raised a true gentleman"

[Translation] (Original author's permission granted)

Original Author: 燕麥夾心巧克力 (Original post)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

On the date of that "last night", Bucky held that date girlfriend's hand(maybe that's not real/official girlfriend). They didn't watch movies, didn't have a decent dinner, didn't go to a pub, but visited a science exposition. The science exposition that represented the future. Sergeant Barnes, who was going to England in the very next day; and who had made much of and had lived a smooth life in the first half of his life, had no idea how turbulent his future was gonna be and even went beyond everyone's imagination.

In this gif, the 25 or 26-year-old Bucky was holding a young, carefree, charming girl's hand. This makes me can't help but imagine, what kind of life he could have had, supposedly, in a world that Hydra and Captain America never existed. This passionate, gentle, responsible, caring, brave, willing-to-sacrifice man would have got a proper job, built a nice house, married a beautiful wife and had some kids, after the war. That's the kind of life he's SUPPOSED to have. NOT a brainwashed assassin, insane murderer, terrorist, or a haunting ghost from WW2. In this gif, was there any trace of the Winter Soldier or brainwashed Bucky in the Civil War? No, coz he had never prepared that fate would trick him in such a brutal way, over and over again.

The most ridiculous thing is, he didn't go on this happy life as he deserves, but some other irrelevant guys did, overtly. Still, somebody praised that and get the hump about Bucky owing Tony an apology. But, who is going to give Bucky an apology? Hydra? Fate? In fact, no one. He'd done nothing wrong, not even a mistake. He's just an ordinary American soldier, a kind-hearted person. Why do this to him.

Back to this gif, Bucky was always so gentle with girls. He held her hand, instead of her waist; he just smiled softly, not much talking, instead of lower his head and kiss her. He was this gentle to everyone. His best friend changed his mind in the last second and not willing to stay with him on his last night, he had no anger at all. Later, when Peggy who was in a glamorous red dress, approached and give Steve a notification, Bucky tried to flirt with her. But he is nothing like other soldiers, no whistling, not using any offensive wordings, or making those vulgar jokes. In that scene, She didn't even throw a single look to Bucky. This was already kinda rude. Yet, Bucky didn't get angry, didn't complain after she left, didn't cry foul at her impoliteness and arrogance. He showed complete generosity and confidence throughout the whole process, then just laughed off his own embarrassment at last. He is a true gentleman.

This is Bucky's gentleness to girls, and his gentleness to the world.

We all know that Captain America is widely respected because he sacrifices himself for saving millions of people. Then does that mean Bucky's sacrifice is negligible? Every single soldier's sacrifice, especially Howling Commandos', had brought great improvement for the final victory of the war. However, Bucky's sacrifice was way more than that.

Because he was sacrificed on the mission of the arresting Hydra's top scientist Zola.

Captured Zola finally agreed to cooperate with the government, and later recruited by SHIELD. He revived hydra, let it parasitised SHIELD. It was Bucky's death caused Zola's arrest, and at the same time, it's also the amnesty and recruitment for Zola made hydra chose Bucky to be the one to experiment. Imagine how Zola was disgustingly gloating while he was brainwashing Bucky-- "Oh, Sergeant Barnes. Do you know that, if you hadn't been that desperate to arrest me back in those times, I wouldn't have experimented on you over and over now."

What was Bucky thinking after he fell from the train? The rescue team was useless, he's still alive. Compare to the broken limb, the loss of blood and severe pain should be nothing at all. Was he hoping someone to save him, when he was temporary awoke in his lonely waiting? Did he think that he was rescued when he saw those Soviet soldiers' jackets? But he had no idea, still, not a single idea, that's just the beginning of his tragedy. Since then, that smiling young adult, James Buchanan Barnes, had waved his hand and farewell to him. And he had dropped into an abyss of darkness, which only gets deeper and deeper.

No one was able to find Bucky in those 2 years of absconding.

But this doesn't bother to change the way they call him, look at him, treat him. From "the only sacrificed Howling Commando" to "the infamous former Hydra agent/assassin". Half of the world hates him, terrified of him; half wants to manipulate him, control him. During the endless and bitter self-searching, he chose to hideaway. Of course, it's because when he got his conscious back, his home was no longer his home anymore. The era he knew had gone far away. He realized that he was forced to do so many horrible things, and the world chose to give him a cold shoulder. He didn't have a place in this world. But that's nothing to the Winter Soldier. It was just like when those smart-alecky German Special Forces locked him in a cage for beasts, he didn't break out of it because just he didn't want to. The reason for him to hide, was mostly because he knows how dangerous he is.

He knows he is unstable; he knows trigger words. He feared that he would be controlled by bad guys and caused bigger harm. So he hid away, wrapped himself like a silkworm, isolated himself from the society. That's the way to protect more people. He couldn't seek help from anybody coz he knows that will bring what kind of mess to them. This is his gentleness to the world.

Can you imagine? A man who had suffered 70 years, brainwashed by his arresting target, blamed by the world which doesn't care about the truth, doesn't even a bit of an emotion called "resentment"? From CA: CW, we can see that Bucky's memories have already recovered to the level that every tiny detail can be described clearly. He recalled the inhumane experience of testing those "Winter Soldiers" when he was a subordinate of Karpov. And even after all this time, he didn't blame anyone after he was freed and conscious. He didn't complain, didn't punch a dozen sandbags to vent, didn't feel frustrated with his missed date. He treats the world so gently as he used to. He'll say thank you to hawkers when he buys plums; he'll hide himself in a small safe house, retrieve memories and do self-questioning; he'll confess honestly to Steve: "I don't know if I'm worth all this, Steve." He'll still go on the battlefield to save the world when it's in danger.

I cannot imagine there would be someone like you, the one and only Bucky Barnes.

The world does not deserve you.

--------------------------------------------------

ALL THE CREDITS AND ANALYSIS ABOVE BELONG TO THE ORIGINAL AUTHOR. I DID NOTHING BUT ONLY TRANSLATING IT. (Thanks a lot for tolerating my poor English.)

[creativity-is-rebellion]

Some Things are Not Dialectic

So much has happened to me since I last wrote on this blog. To sum it up in a nutshell: I changed therapists (something I have been meaning to do for a while now), I was hospitalised yet again for just a little over a week this time, voluntarily, for recurrent suicidal thoughts, where I was tentatively diagnosed (yet again) with BPD, and the new therapist I started seeing after coming out of the hospital diagnosed me with Asperger’s. I also started a DBT program, which I am now six weeks into. Previous therapists, if you have read any of my other posts, have diagnosed me with Bipolar I, but after only two sessions with the psychiatrist at the hospital, and in the wake of him talking, at length, with my husband about my history, I was informed that I probably have Bipolar II and BPD. My regular psychiatrist disagrees with this and stated that it is probably complex trauma (or C-PTSD) and Bipolar I. I am inclined to trust the diagnosis of the latter more, as I have been seeing her for two years now. And now I also have an Asperger’s diagnosis from my new psychologist. What a mess. After all these upheavals, I feel emotionally at sea.

I also decided to swap medications at the hospital (the Seroquel was not helping my insomnia and was making me gain a bit of weight) and finally gave Lithium, the supposed “gold standard” of Bipolar medication, a chance. And it made me terribly ill. I was so nauseous all the time that after 4 weeks of struggling along, I had to give it up. I even broke out in a rash, but no professionals, not even my GP, wanted to listen to my misgivings, so I just informed them all that I was coming off it. My psychiatrist respected my decision, but wants to put me on something else. I am reluctant, because I have tried all sorts of medication for extended periods of time, and there are always negative side-effects, or they don’t do what is intended. I was told in the hospital by the psychiatrist that Lithium would be ideal for someone like me who has ambitions, wants a career, and doesn’t want to sleep for 20 hours a day, so when I experienced intolerance, I felt so disappointed. I even spent some time blaming myself. I have found my overall experience with taking medications really draining and time-consuming. I feel as if I am trying, and even doing everything I should, but it’s just not paying off. One method that I have tried in the past on my hospital visit before this one was ECT, and I did find that somewhat effective, but the results were not long-lasting enough. And, after reading about the experiences of those who get regular sessions of ECT, I worry about the possible effects it would have on my long-term memory if I was to go down that route. If there were any negative side-effects within this vein, it would be incompatible with the way in which I want to live my life, including my career goals.

While I was in the hospital, I was referred to a centre that specialised in Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT). I have read about DBT previously, and wanted to try it out when I received a previous diagnosis of Borderline “tendencies” in Norway, however, as I lived in a small town, there were no DBT groups available nearby, and so my therapist gave me a booklet to read up on it on my own. I had also previously stumbled upon the therapist that founded DBT (Marsha Linehan) when I was studying my Bachelor of Psychology. She later admitted that she actually had been diagnosed with BPD herself, and so DBT was a hodge-podge of different therapies and western and eastern practices that had worked for her. I thought the refterral would take longer to process than it did, but it was processed more-or-less straight away after I came out of hospital. I attended the three commitment meetings and was successfully offered a place, and, after all that I had heard and read, was excited to begin. But six weeks in, I feel let down. 

Let me preface what I am about to say by stating that I think there is a lot of good methods to help tackle negative feelings that DBT offers, but a lot of the skills surrounding self-care are competencies I already possess (and so nothing new). There are also some aspects of DBT that are just not really relevant to me specifically, but that’s alright. If I look at it as more tools I can fill my emotional toolbox with, not everything is going to fit. I enjoy and aim for self-improvement, and this is what attracted me to DBT in the first place. On the other hand, I am an analytical person who enjoys testing concepts and seeing if there are any potential flaws in what I am learning, and the method of delivery of the current program I am in doesn’t seem to leave room or space for that. I am finding aspects of DBT condescending, basic, and invalidating. I don’t feel that my prior knowledge or skills are being acknowledged as strengths I am bringing to the table that I can build upon. It is almost as I, along with the rest of the group, am being treated as if I am clueless, and that the therapists and coaches involved in the DBT group sessions are the autocratic, absolute experts on everything we should be doing and what we are doing “wrong,” something that I feel is quite harsh given that most who suffer from BPD also have C-PTSD, or, conversely, that those with C-PTSD can often be misdiagnosed with BPD. After researching some more, I have found that I am not alone in these misgivings. 

I decided to share some of my criticisms just this morning with my individual coach. We met at a cafe near where I live, after I dropped the kids off at school. Towards the end of the session, she asked me directly if I ever felt she had invalidated me in our individual sessions. I decided to be honest and tell her that I had felt that. I have only just started acknowledging past trauma, some of which occurred years ago, to both myself and my therapists. It’s mostly because I feel that it is time to do so, because the thoughts and feelings were coming up more and more regularly, intrusively and involuntarily, to the point where I feel like I can’t ignore them anymore. Three weeks ago, I disclosed to my coach in an individual session about the trauma and sexual abuse I had experienced via school bullying. I told her that she had laughed briefly after I had told her about a boy who had pinched my bottom in front of the whole grade on a dare when I was was 13, and said I didn’t blame her, maybe she laughed out of surprise, but when I also told her that she had, in the same conversation, told me not to worry about “stupid school” (her exact words), she denied having said that to me at all, and got quite defensive. 

She even said that perhaps I had just “experienced it that way,” and just refused to acknowledge that she had said that at all. I felt so gaslighted,so triggered (my mother tried to gaslight me all the time) and am now unsure whether I will continue with DBT. I left really shaken up, which was tough as I had had a really rough week and had actually woken up in a good mood, and had to then work really hard to turn my thoughts back around again. Upon reflection, I think the coaches are badly trained and unprofessional. This might be what is making the delivery sub-par. Maybe it’s just yet another case of “you get what you pay for.” Now, the question is, do I continue, and just try to focus on implementing the skills, instead of worrying about my obvious personality clash with the therapists and coaches involved? Sigh.

Now, to address the Asperger’s diagnosis: I actually feel it is a good fit. She got in an expert who took me through the diagnostic criteria before giving me the diagnosis, and, for the first time in a long time, I felt validated. I have been doing a lot of reading since receiving my diagnosis, and have found a number of interesting facts about females with Asperger’s, such as they are more likely to be overlooked for diagnosis compared to that of boys, as they do not present with the same symptoms, and are often misdiagnosed with (interestingly) Bipolar, BPD, or even OCD, because it was (until recently) considered a diagnosis exclusively reserved for boys. They are overlooked because they tend to be great social mimics (as females generally are more socialised than men), which masks the symptoms and difficulties females with ASD face. I believe that one of the reasons for my life-long fascination with human behaviour (to the point that I decided to study it), is due to my desire to fit in, when I have always felt different. I have, as my husband has also observed, a number of special interests that I enjoy talking about at length in social settings, and often fail to pick up on the social cues of boredom in the individuals I am talking to. But, that’s alright. It is part of the diagnosis. I am working on it. I might not ever get there, but that is alright too. In my research on the subject, I found a delightful blog from Tania Marshall, as well as her book, entitled “I am Aspien Woman,” which discusses the unique struggles of females with Asperger’s. The blurb to the book states: “Have you ever wondered about a friend, a partner, a mother, sister or daughter? Wondered why she says she feels 'different'? Out of step with her peers, she may struggle keeping friends and a job, yet she has multiple degrees. Bright from early on, she may have singleminded focus, sprinkles of anxiety, sensory and social issues, be gifted in art, writing, science, research or singing. Maybe she is a woman on the Autism spectrum, with a unique constellation of super-abilities, strengths and challenges?” I relate to all of this. I was a precocious reader with an eidetic memory from an early age. I have multiple degrees, and am creative, but struggle in social situations. It’s who I am, and I accept it. When I told my GP, who also closely follows my mental health progress, that my current psychologist has diagnosed me with Asperger’s, she dismissively stated that “everybody is different - we are all on the spectrum” - to which I have to say - what a load of crap. There is different, and there is different. I have always been a person that marches to the beat of her own drum, sometimes to my detriment. But it’s just how I am.

So, what if I don’t have BPD, or Bipolar, but rather “just” Asperger’s? I am high-functioning, so I can understand that it took a long time to identify it, but, on the other hand, it feels as if going through all of the struggles I have been through could have been prevented if only I had had a therapist that was skilled enough to really listen to me, to pick up the signs, and to validate me. I am hoping I have that now with my current psychologist, and am looking forward to working together with her toward a brighter future where I can accept myself and also work on my issues in a safe space.

After years of not sharing my thoughts or being as assertive as I want to be, I have found that recently I have been coming out of my shell in this respect, and those around me aren’t liking it. Apart from the example above, on the day I was leaving the hospital, there were a series of delays concerning my release, that, when they all added up, frustrated me so much, I had to say something. I sometimes think that those in the so-called “caring” professions abuse their power. Whether it’s bad training, an authoritative personality, or other traits that are, in my opinion, not suited to these professions that are the cause, it is a dilemma which is vital to address. Of course, #notalltherapists. But, in my long-standing experience with mental health services, and as a psychology graduate myself, it is enough to cause concern. Too often, patients are discounted because of what’s wrong with them, dismissed because the health professional believes themselves to know better, or put into the “too hard” basket for so-called “difficult” behaviour. But what needs to be acknowledged is that the person that is standing in front of them is there because they are seeking help, and should be looked at as an individual, and not necessarily by the box the therapist wants to fit them into. More duty of care, more empathy, and more acknowledgement, is needed.

[recentanimenews]

The Best Anime of the 2010s

Here it is, the third and final installment in our Best of the 2010s series! We’ve gotten manga and video games out of the way, so it’s time for anime.

If you’re just tuning in, here’s how it works: our three contributors (Evan Minto, Ink, and David Estrella) each ranked their top anime series and movies released between 2010 and 2019. We scored them all based on their positions in the three lists, and came up with a single combined list of 10, which you’ll find below. We haven’t seen every anime out there, so there may be some conspicuous omissions, but of all of our lists, this is the one we’re most confident in. That’s mainly because the contributors covered over 120 titles between the three of them! The full lists for anime, manga, and games, including our individual rankings, are now available on the Ani-Gamers Patreon.

Below you’ll find everything from lo-fi comedies to tragic war stories. And befitting the many ways anime is produced and distributed, our list contains TV series, net animations, short films, big-budget feature films, rotoscope animation, and more. It’s been a great decade for anime, and we hope you find something new (er, more like old) to add to your watch list. Enjoy, and feel free to chime in with your own picks in the comments!

10. Tantei Opera Milky Holmes: Act 2 (2012)

David Estrella: No one believes me when I say that Milky Holmes II is an essential anime and frankly, I don’t have the wherewithal to argue with close-minded idiots that have had the bulk of the 2010s to listen to me for once. If you have to ask, it’s already too late for you but in case you’re 14 and your first anime was a post-Bleach shonen thing, Milky Holmes is a comedy that begins as a mildly amusing goofy slapstick magical girl detective cartoon and soon spirals out into an insane spectacle that completely incinerates all the other half-way passable, middle-of-the-road multimedia schlock that used to made before it all became indistinguishable idol gacha crap. Someone went highly off-script on this production and every Milky Holmes afterwards is not even worth mentioning next to these first two seasons. Between this, gdgd Fairies, and Teekyu, the last breaths of creative expression in TV anime were all concentrated in 2012, and before we knew it, it was gone.

9. Flowers of Evil (2013)

Ink: As far as manga adaptations go, hell, as far as film goes, Flowers of Evil is nothing short of a masterwork. Layering animation atop live action (rotoscoping) to emulate the basic premise behind the poetic movement so treasured by the “tortured” protagonist … not to mention actually including relevant, inspirational poems, Director Hiroshi Nagahama takes great risks – from pacing to form and even content – and sticks the landing with technical and emotional force to improve upon the source material (even though the anime only adapts half the manga). It’s an anime that reveals how beautiful ugliness can be and vice-versa.

8. Kill la Kill (2013–2014)

Evan Minto: There’s nothing quite as enjoyable as watching Hiroyuki Imaishi and Kazuki Nakashima go to town on an anime TV series. Kill la Kill is a bonkers ride from start to finish. It’s got superpowered talking school uniforms, nudist secret societies, fanservice so obnoxious it somehow becomes cool, and a never-ending parade of shocking heel-turns. There’s something in there about fascism and the fashion industry and maybe if you squint hard enough you can argue it’s feminist, but the most important F word when it comes to Kill la Kill is “fun.”

7. Kizumonogatari (2016–2017)

David Estrella: I don’t think I’ll ever fly to Japan for the sake of seeing an anime film on opening day again, and fortunately Kizumonogatari was such a peak for cinema that I’m perfectly fine with that. Kizumonogatari left me fulfilled in a way that people with weaker immune systems would pass on to the hereafter upon leaving the theater. It’s not a coincidence that my interest in anime tanked severely once the Kizu trilogy wrapped up since, with a few rare exceptions, very little anime possesses the same ambitious spirit as I found in Kizumonogatari. While Makoto Shinkai is busy making extended Apple commercials under the guise of magical realist teen romance films, I’m really finding it easier and easier to call the anime medium completely and totally solved as early as 2017.

6. From the New World (2012–2013)

David Estrella: Due to circumstances outside of my control, From the New World appears higher on the list over the definitive best anime of the decade and I’m stuck writing about it. I’ll play along if only because From the New World is a great show that deserves another look to appreciate how much it was doing within the boundaries of weekly 24-minute episodes. Adapted from a science-fiction novel that will never be translated and published into English, it’s the rare sort of anime TV show that gets its hooks in early and continues sinking them in until the thought of taking a break before reaching the resolution is unbearable.

5. JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure (2012–present)

David Estrella: The loudest JoJo people say that Stardust Crusaders is the best JoJo, then two camps split between Diamond is Unbreakable and Golden Wind say their JoJo is the best JoJo, and then I’m the obnoxious voice in the back that hoots and hollers anytime someone says the phrase “Battle Tendency”. All the other JoJo’s are technically more sophisticated than the first couple of parts, but none of them really match the sheer power of that initial hit, those two amazing openings, and the actual best JoJo, Joseph Joestar, voiced by Tomokazu Sugita giving the performance of a lifetime. At the very least, we will all be haunted by Roundabout memes for as long as JoJo remains relevant.

4. Endless Night (2015)

Ink: Storytelling that relies solely on visuals is seemingly rare in anime these days, and even though Sayo Yamamoto’s Animator Expo figure skating short (which led to the more verbose Yuri!!! on Ice) is backed by a perfectly expressive song by Hiroshi Nakamura, the latter is made superfluous thanks to emotionally soaked movements and settings, laudably implemented surreality, seamless flow, minimalist color palette, and evocative texturing. Seven minutes (if that) lays out, engrossingly, a complete story of inspiration, infatuation, and (ultimately) realization. Ignore the East German judge; the passion and implementation is a 10/10.

3. Inferno Cop (2012–2013)

Evan Minto: “Best of” lists like this one have a tendency toward “high” art, toward stories about Big Ideas and Important Subjects. Inferno Cop is the lowest art of all: a series of nonsensical, lo-fi cutout animated shorts written with the reckless abandon of children playing with action figures. It’s also one of the funniest anime series in a very long time, and certainly one of the best comedies of the decade. It’s only fitting that it served as the world’s introduction to Studio Trigger, who closed out the 2010s with their smash-hit feature film Promare.

2. The Tale of Princess Kaguya (2013)

Ink: The recently late and perpetually bereaved Isao Takahata was, ironically, given the work about which this blurb is written, a realist compared to Ghibli co-founder’s (Miyazaki) escapist tendencies. Why, then, is this retelling of a very familiar folktale in The Tale of Princess Kaguya so powerful? Because the characterizations are as palpable as the animation is expressive; there are few scenes in the all of anime that draw breath like those of the MC’s dashing sequences. The art itself is simultaneously emulative of both a child’s picture book and a depiction of time as age sets in. Fairy tales are forever. RIP and thank you, Takahata.

1. In This Corner of the World (2016)

Evan Minto: This movie handily snagged the #1 spot in our ranking, and it’s not hard to see why. It’s a story about the hardships of World War II told not through combat, but through the grueling travails of civilian life. In This Corner of the World’s gut-wrenching tragedy is tempered and amplified by the currents of love and big-hearted, true-to-life comedy that run through it. The film is a beautiful tribute to the innocent souls trampled by war, comparable and even — dare I say — superior to the classic Grave of the Fireflies.

Check out our list of the Best Manga and the Best Video Games of the 2010s!

The Best Anime of the 2010s originally appeared on Ani-Gamers on February 21, 2020 at 8:43 PM.

By: David Estrella

[bountyofbeads]

The Trump Impeachment Inquiry: Latest Updates https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/22/us/politics/trump-impeachment.html

Dear Pres. @realDonaldTrump this is a #Lynching you have NOT been lynched.

THREAD: "They treated it as a social event. They even made postcards out of murders like this. Look at the smiles and the pointing..." /1

CREDIT: Tiffany Cross @TiffanyDCross

https://t.co/5oQXGwn3OY

"Yes. They lynched women too. And children." /2

https://t.co/vUohSihuOb

"I have living relatives who recall clearly the era of violent white rule." /3 https://t.co/VmvuiF8yjp

"I have living relatives who recall clearly the era of violent white rule." /4 https://t.co/VmvuiF8yjp

"So pardon our rage. Our tears. Our fears. Our angst. When it comes to a white supremacist in the White House (AGAIN) who wants this country to be great “again.” I can’t extend politeness & dignity to those who ride w/ #MAGA. I can’t extend love to those who ride with oppressors." /5 https://t.co/kinUb1BBr9

"The President of the United States comparing an impeachment inquiry to a #lynching is not a “distraction.” It is a reflection of the very real trajectory of our nation and the very repugnant evil of racism, which still permeates both legislation and language in the United States."CREDIT:Be A King @BerniceKing

"A lynching! A lynching? I’m thinking about the lies, the kidnapping, the rope, the torture, the cheering crowd, the death portrait, the people walking away with body parts of my ancestor."

"THAT IS WITNESSING A #LYNCHING."

" The audacity of this White male supremacist." CREDIT: Ibram X. Kendi @DrIbram

Trump Calls Impeachment Inquiry a ‘Lynching’

President Trump described the Democrats’ impeachment inquiry into him a “lynching” and said it was “without due process or fairness or any legal rights.”

By Eileen Sullivan | Published October 22, 2019 Updated 11:01 AM ET | New York Times | Posted October 22, 2019 |

President Trump on Tuesday called the impeachment inquiry into him a “lynching,” using a term associated with the murders of black people to describe a process enshrined in the Constitution.

In an early morning tweet, he added that the impeachment inquiry is “without due process or fairness or any legal rights,” and he encouraged Republicans to remember this in the future.

Donald J. Trump

✔@realDonaldTrump

So some day, if a Democrat becomes President and the Republicans win the House, even by a tiny margin, they can impeach the President, without due process or fairness or any legal rights. All Republicans must remember what they are witnessing here - a lynching. But we will WIN!

63.8K

7:52 AM - Oct 22, 2019

The term lynching invokes the decades-long racist history of white mob murders of black people beginning in the late 1800s through 1968, according to the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People.

It was a remarkable term for the president to use to describe a legal process laid out in the Constitution.

Mr. Trump’s Twitter outburst comes as pressure builds with the stream of testimony from current and former administration officials about his efforts to use the power of the White House for personal gain.

The president regularly uses his Twitter feed to make hyperbolic declarations, but he has not used the term “lynching” in a tweet since 2015, during the Republican primary campaign. The president’s use of the word Tuesday drew immediate criticism.

“You think this impeachment is a LYNCHING? What the hell is wrong with you,” Representative Bobby L. Rush, Democrat of Illinois and a former Black Panther leader, said in a Twitter post.

“I know the history of that word,” Representative James E. Clyburn, Democrat of South Carolina and the House majority whip, said on CNN Tuesday. “That is a word that we ought to be very, very careful about.”

Senator Lindsey Graham, Republican of South Carolina and an ally of Mr. Trump on most topics, defended the word choice. “This is a lynching in every sense,” Mr. Graham told reporters on Tuesday.

While Mr. Trump’s use of the word was striking, it was not the first time the word had been used to describe impeachment proceedings.

In 1973, during the Watergate scandal, one of President Richard M. Nixon’s most ardent defenders, Rabbi Baruch Korff, argued that the Senate Watergate committee had a “lynch-mob mentality.” Mr. Korff led a committee of Nixon supporters and invited them in 1974 to a rally “to challenge the lynching psychosis that is permeating the United States Congress.”

“Some conservatives insist on calling the impeachment campaign against Nixon a ‘lynching’ even to this day,” Kevin M. Kruse, a history professor at Princeton University, said Tuesday on Twitter. He pointed to a recent piece published in August on the conservative website, American Spectator, about “new evidence on the lynching of Richard Nixon.”

Michael D. Shear contributed reporting.

*********

When James Baldwin Squared Off Against William F. Buckley Jr.

By Thomas Meaney | Published October 18, 2019 | New York Times | Posted October 22, 2019 |

THE FIRE IS UPON US

James Baldwin, William F. Buckley Jr., and the Debate Over Race in America

By Nicholas Buccola

In 1965, the year of the Selma-to-Montgomery marches and the Watts riots, an ancillary skirmish played out across the Atlantic. James Baldwin, then at the height of his international reputation, faced off against William F. Buckley Jr., the “keeper of the tablets” of American conservatism, in the genteel confines of the Cambridge Union. The proposition before the house was: “The American dream is at the expense of the American Negro.” For Baldwin, who would roll his eyes more than once during the debate, the question indicated glaring ignorance. The American dream was a nightmare from which he was trying to wake. For Buckley, the American dream was a giant bootstrap that American blacks refused to employ. “We will fight … on the beaches and on the hills, and on mountains and on landing grounds,” he told the audience of students that evening, channeling Winston Churchill. Only Buckley invoked the imagery of plucky guerrilla resistance not against a Nazi invasion of the British Isles, but against Northern radicals bent on uprooting the Southern way of life.

Nicholas Buccola’s “The Fire Is Upon Us” is both a dual biography of Buckley and Baldwin and an acute commentary on a great intellectual prizefight. Baldwin and Buckley were, to put it mildly, from opposite sides of the tracks. Buckley was the son of an oil speculator who grew up in a Connecticut mansion stocked with tutors and servants. He honed his debating skills at the family dinner table and at Yale, where he was triggered by the presence of secular, left-leaning faculty members on campus, and later, in “God and Man at Yale,” called for a ban on hiring them.

Lack of godliness was less of a problem in Harlem. James Baldwin learned how to lock and load the English language as a child prodigy storefront preacher. Buckley’s postcollege trajectory included a stint in the C.I.A., while Baldwin’s extra-literary activities earned him a thick F.B.I. file. By the early 1960s, Buckley had gathered disparate right-wing tribes together in his magazine, National Review. Baldwin, despite his growing renown, would remain more of a loner. By the time he reached the Cambridge Union, he was already at odds with both the separatist agenda of the Nation of Islam and the arid progressivism of the Johnson White House.

Enshrined on YouTube and in countless documentaries, the Baldwin-Buckley debate remains an uncanny exchange. The grainy black-and-white BBC footage shows an overpacked Cambridge Union, with a sea of mostly young white men in jackets. The way Baldwin swings his body and thrusts his hands in his pockets and barely refers to his prepared notes makes him seem much closer to our moment than to the one that surrounds him. When he finally stands up after the two brittle speeches on either side of the motion by Cambridge undergraduates, he twists his eyes to the upper gallery where his sister Gloria was seated. Slowly, then quickly, he makes the alien hall his own.

Buccola, a professor of political science at Linfield College, deftly guides the reader through the rhetorical and philosophical moves of Baldwin’s speech. Baldwin adopted the tone of a preacher — “a kind of Jeremiah,” as he put it — who wants to readjust his audience’s “system of reality.” He tries to get them to imagine the black American experience from the inside. “It comes as a great shock to discover that Gary Cooper killing off the Indians — when you were rooting for Gary Cooper — that the Indians were you.” Did the American dream come at the expense of the American Negro? For Baldwin, the obtuseness of the question demanded a pronoun switch: “I am stating this very seriously, and this is not an overstatement, I picked the cotton, and I carried it to market, and I built the railroads, under someone else’s whip, for nothing. For nothing.”

“The Fire Is Upon Us” becomes revelatory in its interpretation of Buckley’s performance. We learn, for instance, that the Cambridge students had first tried to get Strom Thurmond or Barry Goldwater to debate Baldwin, only later settling on Buckley, who seems to have been eager for the publicity. We also learn that Buckley’s speech that evening was based on an article he had commissioned for National Review by Garry Wills. Wills, a young Catholic ultra, who would later break with Buckley over racial questions and become an indispensable interpreter of the American scene, drafted a fierce response to Baldwin’s famous New Yorker essay, “Letter From a Region in My Mind.” Part of the trouble with Baldwin for Wills was that he was treated as a savior by his white liberal readership and not afforded the dignity of scrutiny that he would have received if he were white. Wills believed that Baldwin went too far in his condemnation of the West. “When a Dachau happens,” Wills wrote, “are we — as Baldwin suggests — to tear up all the Bibles, disband the police forces, take crowbars to the court buildings and the libraries?” This was a selective reading of Baldwin, who, as his Cambridge speech makes clear, was if anything more committed to upholding the legacy of the Enlightenment than National Review’s editorial board was. But what would come to gall Wills even more than Baldwin was that his boss Buckley not only lifted from his piece (before it was published) for one of his own columns but also distorted Wills’s honest reckoning with Baldwin in the interest of his own, more facile and racialist prong of attack.

Buccola shows how Buckley in his Cambridge speech was developing a new kind of conservative maneuver. In his war on the New Left, Buckley’s method — both on his television show “Firing Line” and in other public appearances — was less to engage than to expose. (The method backfired on occasion, as when Huey Newton, a founder of the Black Panther Party, began a segment of “Firing Line” by out-Buckley-ing Buckley with a loyalty oath question: “During the Revolution of 1776 … which side would you have been on?”) Charm, wit, eye-twinkling and rapid deployment of stray factoids were among Buckley’s chief rhetorical assets. His main form of reasoning consisted of forced analogies. The Freedom Riders were compared to National Socialists in the pages of National Review.

In the Cambridge speech, Buckley dialed the comparison down, comparing the Irish in England to American blacks. Had the Irish gotten the vote because of, or in spite of, English civilization? Buckley asked. “The engines of concern are working in the United States,” he assured his audience. “The presence of Mr. Baldwin here tonight is in part a reflection of that concern.” The full force of Buckley’s argument was that blacks should aspire to the condition of whiteness, however unattainable that might turn out to be. The suffering and humiliations of blacks were real, he conceded, but this was more a testament to the fallen state of man than something that could be corrected swiftly. “I am asking you not to make politics as the crow flies,” Buckley told his audience, quoting the philosopher Michael Oakeshott. Buckley’s stress on the gradualness of any accommodation told Baldwin all he needed to know: Why, after 400 years of being in America, did blacks not have access to the same bounty as their fellow Americans, including those who, like the Kennedys, “only got here yesterday?”

Baldwin’s views of race relations seesawed considerably in the ’60s, from a kind of cosmic resignation that, in the words of Ta-Nehisi Coates, “perhaps struggle is all we have.” But on that February night in Cambridge, Baldwin envisioned a different endgame. “We are trying to forge a new identity for which we need each other,” he told his audience. He suggested it might be possible to create a new political synthesis if white Americans were prepared to recognize what they had done, both to blacks but also, crucially, to themselves. Alongside his more apocalyptic visions, Baldwin harbored a wary utopian presentiment that Buckley believed ignored man’s true nature and endangered America’s delicate hierarchies.

It is tempting to view the Baldwin-Buckley debate as a small victory for the idea of racial equality: Baldwin carried the floor vote 544 to 164. But part of the wisdom of “The Fire Is Upon Us” is that it leaves the import of the evening open to question. The debate, and his subsequent encounters with Buckley, left Baldwin with a bitter taste: “He’s the intellectuals’ James Bond,” he once said.

Buckley believed he had gained much more from their night in Cambridge: “the most satisfying debate I ever had.” He would lose again, badly, later that year when he ran for mayor of New York. Curiously, his main support came not from the WASP establishment of Manhattan but from white voters in the outer boroughs. Buckley’s knack for historical analogies continues to flourish. The money manager Stephen Schwarzman compared an Obama administration proposal to raise taxes on hedge funds to the Nazi invasion of Poland. After the last presidential election, Buckley’s son, Christopher, took to Vanity Fair to argue that his father’s politics had nothing to do with those of the outer-borough vulgarian who had landed in the White House. It would have been more becoming had he simply tipped his hat to one of the shrewder authors of our predicament.

Thomas Meaney is a fellow at the Max Planck Society in Göttingen, Germany.

THE FIRE IS UPON US

James Baldwin, William F. Buckley Jr., and the Debate Over Race in America

By Nicholas Buccola

Illustrated. 482 pp. Princeton University Press. $29.95.

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$27 Million for Reparations Over Slave Ties Pledged by Seminary

The Princeton Theological Seminary said it was committed to “telling the truth” about its ties to slavery. Black students don’t think it goes far enough.

By Ed Shanahan | Published October 21, 2019 Updated October 22, 2019, 10:28 AM ET | New York Times | Posted October 22, 2019 |

A New Jersey seminary has pledged to spend $27 million on scholarships and other initiatives to address its historical ties to slavery, in what appears to be the biggest effort of its kind.

The announcement, by the Princeton Theological Seminary on Friday, came about a year after an internal report detailed the findings of a two-year investigation that showed slavery’s deep roots in the school’s past.

The move put the seminary at the heart of a national discussion about what those who reaped the benefits of slavery — and the United States as a whole — owe to the descendants of slaves.

In a sign of that discussion’s complicated nature, Nicholas Young, the leader of a black student group at the seminary, said that the steps outlined by officials amounted to “a good start” but that they fell short of what the group had sought. About 10 percent of the seminary’s 360 students are black.

Mr. Young, the president of the Association of Black Seminarians, criticized the $27 million figure as being well below what the seminary’s own accounting indicated should be set aside from its $1 billion endowment to cover reparations-related costs.

Beyond that, Mr. Young said, the seminary needed to do more to address how faculty and other leaders had “used theology to justify the institution of slavery.”

Founded in 1812, the seminary, which is independent of Princeton University, benefited from the slave economy through investments in Southern banks and by having donors who profited from slavery, the 2018 report said. Founding members of the faculty and other seminary leaders used slave labor and promoted the idea of sending freed slaves to Africa, the report said.

Money given by slaveholders and the interest it generated accounted for 15 percent of the seminary’s revenue before the Civil War, the report said. If donors whose wealth was at least partly derived from slavery were factored in, as much as 30 to 40 percent of the seminary’s pre-Civil War revenue could be linked to slavery, the report said.

“The seminary’s ties to slavery are a part of our story,” M. Craig Barnes, the seminary’s president, said in a statement. “It is important to acknowledge that our founders were entangled with slavery and could not envision a fully integrated society. We are committed to telling the truth.”

Last month, the Virginia Theological Seminary, which was built with slave labor and whose founders included slave owners, became among the first American institutions to earmark money specifically for the descendants of the slaves, pledging $1.7 million for a reparations fund.

Last year, the Catholic sisters of the Society of the Sacred Heart created a reparations fund to finance scholarships for African-Americans in Grand Coteau, La., where the nuns once owned about 150 black people.

In April, students at Georgetown University, a Jesuit institution, voted to create a fund, financed by student fees, to benefit the descendants of 272 people sold in 1838 to help keep the college afloat. (Georgetown’s board of trustees has not approved the plan.)

The issue of slave reparations has also gained political traction among Democrats this year, with Congress holding a hearing on the subject and considering a commission. Several presidential candidates have also expressed support for the idea.

The reckoning over slavery’s role at theological institutions and universities with religious ties, like Georgetown, is particularly significant, said the Rev. Dr. Yolanda Pierce, the dean of the Howard University School of Divinity.

Dr. Pierce, who taught at the Princeton seminary for 10 years before leaving in 2017, commended the seminary, but said it and similar institutions had an obligation to address the kind of existential questions that money could not.

“What is the debt owed by the places that created and developed the theology that justified enslavement?” she said. Seminaries and institutions with religious ties, she said, needed to consider “how do we change the classes, how do we change the curriculum, how do change the attitudes?”

She added: “You’re not going to do it overnight. And you’re not going to do it with a check.”

Anne Stewart, the seminary’s vice president for external affairs, said that officials did not expect the initiatives to be embraced unconditionally.

“We know that some students will challenge us to do more,” she said. As to tackling the deeper questions of the seminary’s past role in supporting slavery more broadly, she noted that, among other things, the findings of the two-year investigation would be incorporated into the curriculum for all students pursuing a master’s degree starting in fall 2021.

The other measures announced by the seminary included 30 full-tuition scholarships for students descended from slaves and for members of underrepresented groups; five doctoral fellowships for students from those same backgrounds; the hiring of a full-time director for the Center for Black Church Studies; and the naming of the center for Betsey Stockton.

Ms. Stockton, a prominent African-American teacher in Princeton and Philadelphia, in some ways embodies the seminary’s complicated, and at times contradictory, connections to slavery, as detailed in the 2018 report.

She was given as a slave to the first wife of Ashbel Green, the first president of the seminary’s board of directors. Mr. Green, who owned several slaves, also led a Presbyterian Church General Assembly committee that produced an 1818 statement condemning slavery as “a gross violation of the most precious and sacred rights of human nature,” the report said.

After Ms. Stockton was emancipated, the report said, Mr. Green encouraged her religious education and missionary work in what is now known as Hawaii.

A big chunk of the report examines the deep involvement of faculty, board members and alumni in the American Colonization Society — a group that existed until 1964 and pushed for sending freed slaves to Africa, ostensibly to head off the social upheaval they believed that emancipation would cause, the report said.

Among those active in the society, according to the report, were Charles Hodge, Archibald Alexander and Samuel Miller. All three, Mr. Young of the Association of Black Seminarians noted, have campus buildings bearing their names.

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