#this picture is literally a nightmare
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there are so many things to discuss about this picture. the fact that guanyu looks like he's actually just rolled out of bed and is simply sleeping with his eyes open; the fact that lance looks like he is reliving his most embarrassing moments; the way nico is literally manspreading wider than any man has ever manspread in the history of manspreading
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What does life in North Korea look like outside of Pyongyang? 🇰🇵
Hey, I'm back again with a very scary "tankie" post that asks you to think of North Koreans as people, and to consider their country not as a cartoonish dystopia, but as a nation that, like any other place on earth, has culture, traditions, and history.
Below is a collection of pictures from various cities and places in North Korea, along with a brief dive into some of the historical events that informs life in the so-called "hermit kingdom."
Warning: very long post
Kaesong, the historic city
Beginning this post with Kaesong, one of the oldest cities in Korea. It's also one of the few major cities in the DPRK (i.e. "North Korea") that was not completely destroyed during the Korean war.
Every single city you'll see from this point on were victims of intense aerial bombardments from the U.S. and its allies, and had to be either partially or completely rebuilt after the war.
From 1951 to 1953, during what has now become known as the "forgotten war" in the West, the U.S. dropped 635,000 tons of bombs over Korea — most of it in the North, and on civilian population centers. An additional 32,000 tons of napalm was also deployed, engulfing whole cities in fire and inflicting people with horrific burns:
For such a simple thing to make, napalm had horrific human consequences. A bit of liquid fire, a sort of jellied gasoline, napalm clung to human skin on contact and melted off the flesh. Witnesses to napalm's impact described eyelids so burned they could not be shut and flesh that looked like "swollen, raw meat." - PBS
Ever wondered why North Koreans seem to hate the U.S so much? Well...
Keep in mind that only a few years prior to this, the U.S. had, as the first and only country in the world, used the atomic bomb as a weapon of war. Consider, too, the proximity between Japan and Korea — both geographically and as an "Other" in the Western imagination.
As the war dragged on, and it became clear the U.S. and its allies would not "win" in any conventional sense, the fear that the U.S. would resort to nuclear weapons again loomed large, adding another frightening dimension to the war that can probably go a long way in explaining the DPRK's later obsession with acquiring their own nuclear bomb.
But even without the use of nuclear weapons, the indiscriminate attack on civilians, particularly from U.S. saturation bombings, was still horrific:
"The number of Korean dead, injured or missing by war’s end approached three million, ten percent of the overall population. The majority of those killed were in the North, which had half of the population of the South; although the DPRK does not have official figures, possibly twelve to fifteen percent of the population was killed in the war, a figure close to or surpassing the proportion of Soviet citizens killed in World War II" - Charles K. Armstrong
On top of the loss of life, there's also the material damage. By the end of the war, the U.S. Air Force had, by its own estimations, destroyed somewhere around 85% of all buildings in the DPRK, leaving most cities in complete ruin. There are even stories of U.S. bombers dropping their loads into the ocean because they couldn't find any visible targets to bomb.
What you'll see below of Kaesong, then, provides both a rare glimpse of what life in North Korea looked like before the war, and a reminder of what was destroyed.
Kaesong's main street, pictured below.
Due the stifling sanctions imposed on the DPRK—which has, in various forms and intensities, been in effect since the 1950s—car ownership is still low throughout the country, with most people getting around either by walking or biking, or by bus or train for longer distances.
Kaesong, which is regarded as an educational center, is also notable for its many Koryŏ-era monuments. A group of twelve such sites were granted UNESCO world heritage status in 2013.
Included is the Hyonjongnung Royal Tomb, a 14th-century mausoleum located just outside the city of Kaesong.
One of the statues guarding the tomb.
Before moving on the other cities, I also wanted to showcase one more of the DPRK's historical sites: Pohyonsa, a thousand-year-old Buddhist temple complex located in the Myohyang Mountains.
Like many of DPRK's historic sites, the temple complex suffered extensive damage during the Korean war, with the U.S. led bombings destroying over half of its 24 pre-war buildings.
The complex has since been restored and is in use today both as a residence for Buddhist monks, and as a historic site open to visitors.
Hamhung, the second largest city in the DPRK.
A coastal city located in the South Hamgyŏng Province. It has long served as a major industrial hub in the DPRK, and has one of the largest and busiest ports in the country.
Hamhung, like most of the coastal cities in the DPRK, was hit particularly hard during the war. Through relentless aerial bombardments, the US and its allies destroyed somewhere around 80-90% percent of all buildings, roads, and other infrastructure in the city.
Now, more than seventy years later, unexploded bombs, mortars and pieces of live ammunition are still being unearthed by the thousands in the area. As recently as 2016, one of North Korea's bomb squads—there's one in every province, faced with the same cleanup task—retrieved 370 unexploded mortar rounds... from an elementary school playground.
Experts in the DPRK estimate it will probably take over a hundred years to clean up all the unexploded ordnance—and that's just in and around Hamhung.
Hamhung's fertilizer plant, the biggest in North Korea.
When the war broke out, Hamhung was home to the largest nitrogen fertilizer plant in Asia. Since its product could be used in the creation of explosives, the existence of the plant is considered to have made Hamhung a target for U.S. aggression (though it's worth repeating that the U.S. carried out saturation bombings of most population centers in the country, irrespective of any so-called 'military value').
The plant was immediately rebuilt after the war, and—beyond its practical use—serves now as a monument of resistance to U.S. imperialism, and as a functional and symbolic site of self-reliance.
Chongjin, the third largest city in the DPRK.
Another coastal city and industrial hub. It underwent a massive development prior to the Korean war, housing around 300,000 people by the time the war broke out.
By 1953, the U.S. had destroyed most of Chongjin's industry, bombed its harbors, and killed one third of the population.
Wonsan, a rebuilt seaside city.
The city of Wonsan is a vital link between the DPRK's east and west coasts, and acts today as both a popular holiday destination for North Koreans, and as a central location for the country's growing tourism industry.
Considered a strategically important location during the war, Wonsan is notable for having endured one of the longest naval blockades in modern history, lasting a total of 861 days.
By the end of the war, the U.S. estimated that they had destroyed around 80% of the city.
Masikryong Ski Resort, located close to Wonsan. It opened to the public in 2014 and is the first, I believe, that was built with foreign tourists in mind.
Sariwon, another rebuilt city
One of the worst hit cities during the Korean War, with an estimated destruction level of 95%.
I've written about its Wikipedia page here before, which used to mockingly describe its 'folk customs street'—a project built to preserve old Korean traditions and customs—as an "inaccurate romanticized recreation of an ancient Korean street."
No mention, of course, of the destruction caused by the US-led aerial bombings, or any historical context at all that could possibly even hint at why the preservation of old traditions might be particularly important for the city.
Life outside of the towns and cities
In the rural parts of the DPRK, life primarily revolves around agriculture. As the sanctions they're under make it difficult to acquire fuel, farming in the DPRK relies heavily on manual labour, which again, to avoid food shortages, requires that a large portion of the labour force resides in the countryside.
Unlike what many may think, the reliance on manual labour in farming is a relatively "new" development. Up until the crisis of the 1990s, the DPRK was a highly industrialized nation, with a modernized agricultural system and a high urbanization rate. But, as the access to cheap fuel from the USSR and China disappeared, and the sanctions placed upon them by Western nations heavily restricted their ability to import fuel from other sources, having a fuel-dependent agricultural industry became a recipe for disaster, and required an immediate and brutal restructuring.
For a more detailed breakdown of what lead to the crisis in the 90s, and how it reshaped the DPRKs approach to agriculture, check out this article by Zhun Xu.
Some typical newly built rural housing, surrounded by farmland.
Tumblr only allows 20 pictures per post, but if you want to see more pictures of life outside Pyongyang, check out this imgur album.
#dprk#north korea#i've had this post unfinished in drafts for almost a year#also sorry about the spelling and potential formatting issues it's a nightmare to edit at this point#it was literally just meant to be a collection of picture and then the writing just sort of happened#enjoy the brief heritageposts history lesson i guess
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I think the key component to my personal reading of post-Delphi Pharma is that he's trying to be a horrible person on purpose. Not "on purpose" in the way that people have free will to exercise their own choices, but in that Pharma's "mad doctor" persona is a performance he puts on to deliberately embrace how much everyone else hates him. Basically, if people already think you're a "bad Autobot" and a horrible doctor who just kills his patients for fun, why try to prove otherwise to people who have already made up their minds about you? Just fully embrace the fact that people see you as an asshole. Don't try to change their minds. Don't plead for their forgiveness or understanding. Just stop caring. If you're going to be remembered as a monster, you might as well be a memorable monster, and eke as much pleasure and hedonism as you can out of it before karma catches up to you and you inevitably crash and burn.
I mean, I guess you could just go the route of "Oh, Pharma was always a fucked up creepy guy and Delphi was just him taking the mask off," but I really don't like that interpretation because, for one, it feels really wrong to take a character like Pharma becoming evil under duress and going, "Oh well clearly he did the things he did because he was evil all along," as if somehow Pharma breaking under blackmail/torture/threat of horrible death was a sign of him having poor moral character. As opposed to, you know, suffering under the very real threat of horrible death for himself and everyone he cares about while being manipulated by a guy who specializes in psychological torture.
The second reason is that it just doesn't make sense to write Pharma as having been evil all along. I mean...
Occam's Razor says that the best argument is the one with the simplest explanation. Doesn't it make way more sense to take Pharma's appearances in flashbacks, his friendship with Ratchet, his stunning medical accomplishments, and the few we see of him speaking kindly/sympathetically (or in the least charitable interpretation, at least professionally) towards his patients and conclude "This guy was just a normal person, if exceptionally talented." Taking all of these flashback appearances at face value and assuming Pharma was being genuine/honest is a way simpler and more logical explanation than trying to argue that Pharma for the past 4 million years was just faking being a good doctor/person. I mean, it's possible within the realm of headcanon, but the fact is Pharma's appearances in the story are so brief that there simply wasn't room in the story for there to be some sort of secret conspiracy/hidden manipulation behind why Pharma acted the way he did in the past.
I just can't help but look at things like Pharma's friendship with Ratchet (himself a good person and usually a fine judge of character) and the fact that even post-Delphi, pretty much every single mention of Pharma comes with some mention of "He was a good doctor for most of his life" or "He was making major headways in research [before he started killing patients]" which implies that even the Autobots themselves see Pharma's villainy as a recent turn in his life compared to how for "most of his life" he "used to be" a good doctor.
And although Pharma doesn't know this, we as the readers (and even other characters like Rung) know about Aequitas technology and the fact that it actually works, so... if Pharma really was an unrepentant murderer, why couldn't he get through the forcefield too? The Aequitas forcefield doesn't require that a person be completely morally pure and free of wrongdoing or else how could Tyrest get through, just that they feel a sense of inner peace and lack feelings of guilt. Pharma has murdered and tortured people by this point, and put on quite a campy and theatrical show of how much he sees it as a fun game, so why then can he not get through?
It circles back to my headcanon at the start of this post that the "mad doctor" persona is just that-- a persona. Delphi/post-Delphi Pharma's laughing madman personality is just so far removed from every flashback we saw of him and everything we can infer based on how other people see/saw him before that, to me, the mad doctor act is (at least in large part, if not fully) a persona that Pharma puts on to put his villainy in the forefront.
To avoid an overly simplistic/ableist take, I don't think Tarn tortured Pharma into turning crazy. To me, it's more like the constant pressure of death by horrific torture, the feeling of martyrdom as Pharma kept secret that he was the only one standing between Delphi and annihilation, the physical isolation of Messatine as well as the emotional separation from Ratchet, being forced to violate his medical oaths (pretty much the only thing Pharma's entire life has been about), etc. All of that combined traumatized Pharma to the point that the only way he could avoid cracking was to just stop caring about all of it. Because at least then, even if he's still murdering patients to save Delphi from a group of sadistic freaks, Pharma doesn't have to feel guilty and sick about doing it. As opposed to the alternatives, which were probably either going off the deep end and killing himself to escape, or confessing to what he did and getting jailed for it.
In that light, Pharma becoming a mad doctor makes sense. It avoids the bad writing tropes of "oh this character who was good his entire life was actually just evil and really good at hiding it" as well as "oh he got tortured and went crazy that's why he's so random and silly and killing people, he's crazy" and instead frames Pharma's evil as something he was forced into, to the point where in order to avoid a full psychological breakdown and keep defending Delphi, he just had to stop caring about the sanctity of life or about what other people might think of him.
Then, of course, the actual Delphi episode happens, and Pharma's own lifelong best friend Ratchet basically spits in his face and sees him as nothing more than a crazy murderer who went rogue from being a good Autobot. Then Pharma gets his hands cut off and left to die on Messatine. At that point, Pharma has not only been mentally/emotionally broken into losing his feelings of compassion, he's received the message loud and clear: He is alone. Everyone hates him. Not even his own best friend likes him any more. No one even cared enough about him to check if he actually died or not. He will only ever be remembered as a doctor who went insane and killed his patients.
So in the light of 1. Having all of your redeeming qualities be squeezed out of you one by one for the sake of survival and 2. Having your reputation and all of your positive relationships be destroyed and 3. People only know/care about you as "that doctor who became evil and killed his patients" rather than the millions of years of good service that came before.
What else is there to do but internalize the fact that you'll forever be seen as a monster and a freak, and embrace it? People already see you as a murderer for that blackmail deal you did, so why not become an actual murderer and just start killing people on a whim? People already see you as an irredeemable monster who puts a stain on the Autobot name, so why beg for their forgiveness when you could just shun them back? You've already become a murderer, a traitor, and a horrible doctor, so what's a few more evil acts added to the pile? It's not like anyone will ever forgive you or love you ever again.
Why care? Why try to hold on to your principles of compassion, kindness, medical ethics, when an entire lifetime of being a good person did nothing to save you from blackmail and then abandonment? Why put yourself through the emotional agony of feeling lonely, guilty, miserable, when you could just... stop caring, and not hurt any more?
#squiggposting#pharma apologism#i'm sure the doylist reason for the writing is just that pharma was a designated villain#so since he's a villain and 'crazy' it's fine for everyone even the good guys to treat him like complete trash#i just think from a watsonian perspective taking a sympathetic approach is way more interesting and logically consistent#what i mean is like. from a meta perspective one of the best ways to show that a character is super evil and not worth saving#is when even the good guy heroes. the ones who are supposed to be kind and compassionate and wise. see him as dirt#and this is also kind of a necessity in most plots bc TF is the kind of series that just needs action villains and long-term antagonists#so not every villain is written or has a plot to be made redeemable. and pharma is one of these bc he's not important or a legacy character#so from a doylist (meta) perspective you could read the autobots' disregard of pharma as a sign of#'this guy is not meant to have your sympathy as a reader. pay no attention to him'#but from a watsonian (in universe) perspective it paints a miserable picture of pharma being utterly forsaken by the ppl he served alongsid#and like yeah i'm super autistic about pharma so of course i view him with sympathy but like#the idea of being a loyal and good person for years only to be subjected to a Torment Nexus of#being blackmailed into breaking all of the oaths you held sacred. under threat of you and all your comrades dying horrible torturous deaths#then when your comrades find out about it they focus solely on the 'harvesting organs' and not on the 'blackmail' part#and then you get literally left for dead by your comrades and best friend hating your guts#and then you get rescued by a guy who uses you as a test subject for his evil machine#this is a fucking nightmare scenario like pharma could hardly be suffering more if the author TRIED to make him suffer#and for me it's like. the evil pharma did can't be decontextualized to what drove him to that. as well as the question of like#how easily ppl can write someone off as evil and turn a blind eye to (or even find satisfaction in) their suffering bc theyre evil#and either brought it on themselves or it's just karma paying a visit#like. i feel like if pharma WERE a shitty doctor and a terrible person his whole life then the delphi situation would feel like karma#but the way it's written and the lore retroactively put in makes it feel more pharma getting thrown in a torture carousel#and THEN becoming evil. but then being treated as if he was always evil or was some sort of bad apple#bc like i'm not opposed to LOLing when a villain gets a karmic torture/death related to the wrongs they committed#but in pharma's case it feels less like karma and more like endless torture + being abandoned by ppl who should have been more loyal
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hiiiiiiii, why did I jump from sasha <-> layton, raz <-> luke, milla <-> claire to Cruller <-> Chelmey? my brain told me to
Also I felt like having a page that includes some of my line of thinking of how I MAY come up with these concepts for character swaps LOL
#professor layton#psychonauts#ford cruller#inspector chelmey#it's such a pain to get pics of the prof layton characters because of the fact that the pictures are so small and compressed due to the DS#Also literally why does the PL wiki not have the PL character concept art on it#actual nightmare i tell you#I DONT WANT TO HAVE TO GRAB THE CONCEPT ART BOOK OFF MY DAMN SHELF TO LOOK AT IT JUST TO GET A GOOD LOOK AT A CHARACTER LEAVE ME ALOOOOONE#right my art tag#omantptbs#also i forget if i ever mention this but good grief EVERY time i draw a psychonauts character in a PL characters' fit i'm forced to be like#oh yeah psych characters' bodies are insane to look at#PLvsPN Minds of Puzzle
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hyunjin on bubble: hello
#hyunjin#skz#stray kids#literally woke up to having nightmares so this picture is my saving grace.. 😔#im gonna need to hold him with oven mittens like a food that’s came from the oven
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Visitors
So within the first week of tdim's release this came to me in a dream and I've only just now sorted out exactly how to capture the vibe, I have only altered as far as making it center on the morello sisters and stuff specific to Natalie's pov instead of my own... Other than that this 700+ word nightmare is completely 1-1 as I remembered it 2yrs after the fact
Natalie struggles to sleep, tossing and turning, trying to push down the sense of unease she feels, cursing herself for agreeing to come on this trip in the first place. No one normal sets out to replicate the actual literal murder castle and no one normal would ever agree to come here but dad said that it had to be five visitors and Mr Du'met is weird about it and the trip would be cancelled otherwise. She stares up at the ceiling, following the intricate patterns as a quiet knock sounds at her door followed by a soft. "Nat?" Bethany…
Natalie swings her legs out of bed, feeling the cold floorboards underfoot as she pads over to the door, unlocking it to let her sister in. Harsh yellowish lights sting her eyes as she opens the door to the hall, Bethany looks up at her over her pillow clutched to her chest. She still has nightmares…
"Can't sleep either, huh?" Natalie brushed a long strand of hair out of her face, shutting the door behind her leaving the room dimmly lit by cool moonlight pouring through the window. "There was a man with a skeleton face." Bethany presses close to her, Natalie felt a wave of anger that her eight year old sister was exposed to this place, it was one thing for herself at eighteen but Bethany? It was selfish. She knew this damn place and all its creepy mannequins would freak her out. She turns just enough to catch her glare in the full length mirror before she softens her demeanor, giving her sister a reassuring squeeze. "It was just a bad dream, look no one is coming in here, just us." She made a show of locking the door and demonstrating that it won't open without the key. Bethany crawled into bed and Natalie put her hands on her hips, putting on a smile that hopefully looked confident. Leaving the keys on the bedside table as she sits next to her. "See, just you and me now, get some sleep."
The sisters say their good nights before settling in. In a way this is better for Natalie, her sister coming to her room because of nightmares or thunderstorms… It was familiar in this place. She drifts off only a little after Bethany. Wrapped up in her arms, a slight breeze rustles pale translucent curtains… It's almost possible to forget where she is… She sinks into the void, her eagerness to leave for college, her resentment over how much her father's obsession comes first and her avoidance of family time falls away… Through the haze she sees one dazzling bright spot, blinding as it approaches but she can't look away… She feels warmth breathes on her face, rolling over in half sleep to feel Bethany's soft face against her cheek. Disoriented and turned around she looks through the searing yellow light, shapes move at her feet, a skull with fire in its eyes looms over her, it's all consuming presence pressing all around her, it gazes upon her, stealing the breath away from her-
-Natalie jolts awake, heart beating out of her chest, Bethany stays asleep, breaths steady and even. Natalie carefully sits up, nearly flinching at her reflection in the mirror on the opposite wall, she slides out of bed feeling a chill. Beginning to calm as she shuts the window, she looks down to see… A bowler hat? Like one of those old period costume pieces? She hadn't noticed it before, it must have been blown off the hat rack next to the mirror, she picks it up turning it over in her hands, struggling to imagine anyone's look benefiting from such an ugly hat, unless they're balding… She only looks up as she holds the hat up in the mirror, extending her arm over her head as she tries to imagine the wears height, yellow light casts dramatic shadows over half of her tired face, her short curly hair a mess. The harshness bothers her as she hangs the hat. Reaching out her heart stops, blood turning to ice as her finger tips make contact with the cold metal door knob. Her breath catches, feet rooted to the floor as her hand closed around it, bathed in garish light and fear beyond description…
…She had locked that door.
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@kassiekole22 @delurkr @ctrvpani @tinynightmarewoman
@eframschweigersskincells @kindheartedgummybears @aydeenchan @qusok
OK so basically where it ends is where I wake up, not just bolt upright but like I was on my feet halfway to checking if my door was locked before I could process that I was awake. I really wanted to convey how legitimately terrifying it was at the time, also literally every thing I have ever done of Hector Du'met was created after this, so rate my highly cinematic nightmare with attention to lighting and spacial placement lol(it had no business making that much sense)
Yeah he was close enough to breathe on her, don't ask me why the my subconscious thought it was a stellar idea to happen to me specifically Idk 😂
#the devil in me#the dark pictures anthology#the dark pictures the devil in me#natalie morello#bethany morello#Granthem Du'met#Hector Munday#supermassive games#oneshot#An actual literal nightmare in the most straight up sense
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it's fall y'all 🍁🍂
an autumn themed recolor set by fredbread555
HAPPY SIMBLREEN!!
details, download, and credits beneath the cut
The set includes:
14 bgc recolors
-Matching pajamas for the whole family!
Long-sleeve cozy pj top for male and female sims aged toddler-elder (11 swatches)
Cozy pj pants the match the tops for male and female sims aged toddler-elder (10 swatches)
A warm onesie for infants and toddlers (8 swatches)
Patterns by Krissy Mast
-A cutie pie onesie for infants (9 swatches)
-A cozy nightgown for children mesh required (12 swatches)
-A festive shirt for children (13 swatches)
-A festive shirt for female sims aged teen-elder mesh required (21 swatches) (plus some secret swatches!) (they're secret bc i forgot about them when i was making my swatch doc!) (it's snoopy. they're snoopy swatches)
All are base game compatible!
download (google drive) or patreon
THUMBNAILS
(onesies don't have seams in the thumbnails but they do in game)
see all swatches here
CREDITS
credit to @serenity-cc and @historicalfictionsims for the t-shirt and nightgown meshes
reshade by @okruee
credit for designs goes to all the artists ! I found the images all on Pinterest so let me know if u want me to take something down or credit you specifically!
Let me know if there's any issues or anything and tag me if u use these!!! I'd love to see y'all's sims being autumnally festive! Love y'all! Happy fall!
@simblreenofficial
#simblreen#ts4cc#ts4#my cc#spooky#thesims4#sims4#krissy mast#sims4 bgc#sims 4 bgc#bgc#making this post specifically has been an absolute nightmare 😭😭😭.#I hate pose player. I spent literally 9 hours on Monday trying to get these ss taken with the poses and reshade and everything.#Also the onesies are not picture or thumbnail accurate bc I forgot to add the seam the first time I made them and now I just don't want to#redo the ss bc taking ss is evil and it hates me and I hate it.#i had fun making these tho! and thats what counts#!!!#😭😭😭#if you cant tell im from the south#of the us#y'all#if you saw me post this earlier no you didnt#i totallu didnt hit the post button when i meant to press the save draft button#mycc
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man who can finally relax now that the season is over and he doesnt have to carry his team with his insane plusminus rating (congrats to forsy despite the 3 game rough patch for ending up with ± of 9 in the postseason and whopping league leading ±56 in the regular season! best defenceman in the world indeed paul.)
edmonton oilers @ florida panthers game 7 postgame | 6.24.24 (x)
#gustav forsling#florida panthers#2324#playoffs 24#quite literally my favourite picture of him ever#you can see the utter boneless relief that the nightmare is finally over#ya earned the rest forsy enjoy it 🫡
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the joy and whimsy that comes with having a good hyperfixation is absolutely priceless, but it does get annoying sometimes, i can't even lie
#like picture me sitting at a pizzeria catching up with old friends#and actively struggling to tune into the conversation because it's not about my fucking gay ghost detective show#that was literally me on wednesday#when it comes to building relationships having an intense hyperfixation can either be the best thing in the world#or the biggest nightmare#cause now i have this wonderful fandom of likeminded individuals who enjoy this one thing just as much as i do#but then on the other hand when i'm like#out and about in the world#it's hard now to build connections that are more than just surface level small talk relationships cause theyre not about my hyperfixation 😭#thank god all of my friends like dead boy detectives#the fact that “charles rowland” was the very first suggested tag for this post speaks for itself#because if i met someone who talked as much as i do about this show and i didn't like the show i think i would lose my mind#at one point this year i did genuinely struggle to focus on anything that wasn't about dead boy detectives#this is one of those posts that doesn't make much sense without the tags but i refuse to reblog this with a separate post instead of tags#because what's tagged is too specific to me#my posts#autism#hyperfixations
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Olli sitting in an ice bucket after trying to light up his farts (???) during their Mutter tour in Europe, 2001.
🔥 Photo by Matthias Matthies ( Instagram , Big Cartel ) 🔥
#the things i had to search on google to find this picture#then it wouldn't let me reblog from the tumblr who posted it originally#literally had a nightmare trying to get this here#oliver;#mine;#rammstein#oliver riedel
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Vicky is doing great! And walking with me holding her collar very well recently :•)
#goats#vicky#alpine#picture we took for people asking questions about the bucks… everyone wants nigerian dwarf goats and its messed up#I literally put in all the posts that theyre adga registered alpine dairy goats but so many people are making mini whatevers#everyone asks if theyll stay small… um no#‘mini nubians’ are my nightmare… airplane ear nigerian dwarf mixes 💔💔💔#SORRY for loving well bred show goats 🧡
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One of my big compulsions is taking a fuck ton of screenshots Just In Case a piece of information is important in like 4 years and I can't remember it (sometimes the information is an instagram post that I might not remember later and of course needs to be recorded everywhere (I will Not be looking at that again)) so today is my transfer 16000 images off my phone admin day (woo)
Like yeah I never looked at any of them and they were completely irrelevant to my daily life, But what if I need them ✨️ later ✨️ (you'll see that the idea of Later is doing a lot of heavy lifting here) OR what if there's a vital piece of information in the mix somewhere that I'll lose forever if I delete them? So: onto the external hard drive they go
This is one of those cases where. Yeah. Ideally I wouldn't take 16000 screenshots in half a year. And YEAH ideally I'd just delete them and not transfer them somewhere else to never look at again. BUT at least I get a clean slate and I can maybe not mindlessly save everything for 2 seconds. It's like. Small wins? Progress. Yknow.
#rangnar rambles#i also use my tumblr drafts this way which is how i have probably 2000 drafts for this blog that are just? like me saving a post for 'later#and then theres too many in my drafts for me to even find *MY* drafts#i need to just hard reset the draft function bc its literally unusable for me#'matt this is all irrational and weird' by god. my irrational thoughts disorder makes me do weird shit? are you fr rn??? 😨😨#i get so stupidly in my own head and then i dont make progress towards Anything#even like a fun sideblog where i can actually yknow. post that 2k nightmare? i just cringe myself out like a dumbass 😔#i feel like ocd thoughts always sound lame out loud (and in my head to myself too)#like the Urgency doesnt come across#like in the moment i am Completely convinced that my national insurance number and bank deets are in there somewhere#and theres suddenly no way on earth i could ever find them again if i delete the picture. so to the hard drive they go#i Would go through that whole thing if i suddenly needed a screenshot from 2019 btw. like the crazy isnt theoretical#ive hallucinated gas leak smells before and woken up my flatmates bc i couldnt convince myself i was over reacting#its just cus the seasons have changed that everythings ramping up but omg its hard to do anything but spiral nowadays#thats a little dramatic but i am losing like. a quarter of the day to my ocd#its like. not great 😬#im not back to convincing myself i gave my dad cancer but i am not letting myself use half the kitchen again#but eh soo la voo we ball#HAH i checked my drafts after this and i was lowballing so hard#5.7k on this blog. 12k on my main 💀. its not funny but it kind of is#this is why youll never catch me running a queue#this is such a miserable post but i do feel the need to not let it sit in the drafts pile. to prove the point i guess 💀💀💀#'no one gives a shit this is your blog' 'oh my GOD WHAT IF PEOPLE GIVE A SHIT' <- omg shut upppp youre so embarassing 🙄#one more time for the gallery: i am like. aware that these feelings are irrational. like i am fine it just takes time for reality to kick in#ANYWAYS what was that who said that that was so weird im gonna go look at old romantic era paintings now#if tam is a screenshot fiend in the next fic u know what happened
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There's so many cool musical theatre professional photographs that'd be great for composition reference. I've been looking at them for one hour. It's great.
#I've been looking at them on my pinterest cause I'm a pinterest rat#I saw somewhere that people who copy from photos or do studies like that etc shouldn't be considered real artists#but I can't put things together in my mind cause I have aphantasia so I literally can't visualize my finished piece#I have to draw it#and then I have to add people and it's a nightmare cause where do people go? It's all dark in here#so I need pictures#and I need reference sometimes a lot of it and then I build an image from there trying to make it as original as possible#but it always comes from something#anyway#bummer#still really really good images for reference#maybe I'll grab a few#wmp.txt#I hate when artists who worked on their skill turn to others who worked on their skill in a different way and say “you are worse than me#cause I learned it the RIGHT way“#like ????
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we as a fandom do not talk enough about how terrified ashton is of his powers. like. god. taliesin’s mentioned it on a couple four-sided dives, but it actually came up in bassuras when that wizard cast phantasmal killer on them. they straight up got psychically attacked by a manifestation of their own literal worst nightmare and it took the form of a broken, shattered, roiling being of pure chaos taken completely over by the forces that lie in wait in the back of their mind. and then they just. their friends had no idea what was happening. matt said they just watched as ashton doubled over in pain and his eyes widened in fear. i think about it daily what a fucking MOMENT
#AND LIKE NOW THAT WE KNOW THEIR DREAMS ARE LOOKS INTO OTHER POSSIBILITIES#whatever this nightmare was… it could scare them because they know it might be real#it might be a warning#but they don’t know how to stop this. how to control any of this.#it’s also just a completely insane image to picture your party barbarian taking huge swaths of damage from something you literally cant see#and hes just standing there terrified and you can’t DO anything and he can’t tell you where it hurts because it’s grabbed his fucking face#matt having it cup his head and sink its fingers into his face was insane btw#anyways . GOD. no wonder ashton’s so scared of their dreams#if this is what he’s fucking shown#cr#cr3#ashton greymoore#roll insight
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What if… Suiren in Vaatu’s colours 😳👀
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#avatar suiren au#original character#sotrl suiren#Kat once said. and I quote – ‘Suiren would look really good with Vaatu’s colours. you can’t argue because I’m right’#so here I am. not arguing and instead giving the people what they want#because SHE DOES look good in Vaatu’s colours#don’t get me wrong I love her in her usual blue. but the red & black just does something to my brain#lmao I’m picturing her fusing with Vaatu and getting like a magical girl transformation 😂😂😂#okay not really but. if Vaatu could fuse with Unalaq to become… whatever the fuck that thing that sometimes appears in my nightmares was#then he could definitely dye her dress a different colour if he wanted to. okay? okay#and he’d zap her fire nation bracelet into a water tribe one bc it’s important to balance the colour scheme 😤#(for the record this wouldn’t actually happen in universe I’m just messing around)#this AU is just way too fun to play around with. yes I will make my already badass OC into an overpowered Mary Sue who replaces the mc#what are you gonna do about it?#I can’t stop drawing stuff for it#focusing literally only on the fun silly goofy parts because there’s enough heavy stuff in other verses AND irl already#maybe I just want family shenanigans mixed in with a rewrite of LoK’s shitty politics? have you ever thought about that?#is that such a crime?#and most of all. this makes me happy and I like to indulge in it. and enjoying creating is already so rare for me#so as long as this AU keeps being enjoyable for me I’m gonna keep at it no matter what anyone says#avatar suiren is my little self indulgent concept that I came up with when I was 13 and waited far too long to do something with#so now I’m making up for all those years#sue me :)#(is it just me or have I been saying ‘sue me’ way too much recently. idk. my mom’s a lawyer* that porbably has something to do with it)#(*has a law degree but never once used it. why the fuck would she get one when she already has an accountant’s degree? hell if I know)#anyway random side ramble about my mom’s life story aside#what colour do you think a balanced avatar’s eyes would turn when they go into the avatar state?
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Genuinely worried that I’ll develop trich aswell
mostly because a recent picking area on my forehead has been encroaching closer and closer to my hair line.
I think I would actually never leave my house again ffs. Like I’m already fucking repulsive to look at and my hair’s like the one thing I like about my appearance. Ffs.
I’m gonna die alone
#negative self talk#negative self image#tagging those just in case#trichotillomania#trich#dermatillomania#excoriation disorder#skin picking#skin picking disorder#it’s right in the dead center of my forehead too 😀#so I couldn’t even try to style my hair to cover the balding if I tried#the literally ONE good thing that can come from this is taking away my one reason for not going on hrt#bc fuck it if ima loose my hair anyway there’s really nothing holding me back#okay maybe facial hair could become a nightmare with my picking 🙂#especially if I accidentally cut while shaving or something#really don’t fancy risking it all with ingrown hairs#I’m never going to be happy am I#I just have to accept the fact that I will never feel aesthetically pleasing ever#but I can’t because it hurts#it hurts so fucking much when someone wants to take a picture of me#or ffs if I’m just chilling with someone within the vicinity of a reflective surface#and I’m having a good time and feeling silly and all of a sudden I catch a glimpse of my ugly mf mug#and I wonder if the name-calling and harassment was justified#and whether everyone around me sees me as repulsive or just pities me#I’m so fucking unlovable#asher's ramblings
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