#thank god all of my friends like dead boy detectives

[oxymoronicdumbass]

the joy and whimsy that comes with having a good hyperfixation is absolutely priceless, but it does get annoying sometimes, i can't even lie

[melefim]

Swearing in Dead Boy Detectives: Episode 7- The Case of the Very Long Stairway

Episode Overview:

46 total, 11 different words said by 9 characters.

Edwin: 1 Fuck

Charles: 1 Shit, 1 Bloody, 1 Bloody Hell

Crystal: 2 Fuck, 6 Shit, 1 Ass, 4 God, 1 Jesus, 1 Screw

Jenny: 3 Fuck, 1 Jesus

David: 4 Fuck, 1 Bitch

Niko: 2 God

Esther: 2 Fuck, 2 Damn, 1 God, 1 Screw

Night Nurse: 1 Bloody

Cat King: 4 Fuck, 1 Bitch, 3 God, 1 Pussy

Curses Per Character:

Edwin: 1

Charles: 3

Crystal: 15

Jenny: 4

David: 5

Niko: 2

Esther: 6

Night Nurse: 1

Cat King: 9

Uses Per Word:

Fuck: 16

Shit: 7

Bitch: 2

Ass: 1

Damn: 2

Bloody: 2

Bloody Hell: 1

God: 10

Jesus: 2

Pussy: 1

Screw: 2

Lines:

Esther: I'm gonna wring that chic little kitty's goddamn neck.

Esther: Oh, god.

Cat King: Oh god, they say that I'm a pussy.

Cat King: Why the fuck are you here?

Esther: I know you blew up Monty's spot, you little fucking snitch.

Cat King: Oh God.

Cat King: God, I am such a romantic, I hate it.

Cat King: I don't give a fuck, OK? End of audience.

Cat King: That was my third life, you bitch. I only get nine. Would you fuck off? Fuck!

Charles: What the bloody hell was that?

Crystal: Holy shit, you're still alive?

Crystal: What kind of bullshit is that?

Crystal: Jesus. You have never been to hell, stop acting like an expert. Look, when I got possessed, when I nearly ran off a cliff, when I screwed up and lost my powers, you both helped me.

Crystal: God, Edwin is my friend too, whether he likes it or not.

Crystal: God, if you really won't let me go, then I'll find my own way to Hell.

Crystal: Fucking bullshit, like I can't help.

Crystal: God, that's fucking insane.

Jenny: Fucking kid.

Charles: Bullshit. When did you go to school here for reals?

Jenny: What the fuck?

Crystal: Holy shit, Jenny. You shouldn't be here!

David: Why the fuck would you even want that?

Crystal: Just cut this shit!

David: I can't open a door to hell, you stupid bitch!

Crystal: These are mine, asshole.

David: What the fuck did you do? Where are we?

David: Maybe I was just fucking with you.

David: Fuck! Fine, you got your memories back.

Jenny: What the fuck was that?

Esther: And I'm gonna take that power, and get this goddamn town under my thumb.

Esther: You, you.. you think that you're the only one who's ever been screwed over? You're not. I fucking deserve this!

Night Nurse: And what do you mean 'did you know?' That's my bloody book!

Edwin: That is so fucking stupid, It's unbelievable!

Charles: We're going as fast as we bloody can!

Niko: Oh my God! You're both still dead, and didn't get trapped in hell forever!

Niko: Oh, thank god.

Jenny: Jesus.

Crystal: Oh, bullshit. A good detective does what he has to in order to close the case.

Crystal: God, I gotta figure out what I'm going to tell her.

Notes:

Previously on Dead Boy Detectives…

Shown in this episode’s recap but not counted above:

Edwin: You’re a bloody crow! (Episode 6)

Simon: Give this little prat a proper scare. (Episode 1)

Updates:

Added in a god from Crystal that wasn’t counted

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

More Dead Boy Detectives Swearing Posts:

Masterlist

Swearing by Episode

Swearing by Character

Swearing by Word

All Swearing Posts

And if you like lists of things like I do, you can check out my other Dead Boy Detectives ones here!

When Charles’ Shirt Colors Change

George Rextrew’s Edwin comic inspo board

Full soundtrack with timestamps

Moves, Incidents, and Cases Masterlist

First pass at finding where the songs in the score are used- full post with timestamps in progress

[stabbyfoxandrew]

no wipw tomorrow

sorry guys. i never even started on last week's (because Rascal's favorite spot to nap was right behind my desk chair and I simply couldn't make him move from his spot) and I just don't care about anything right now

thank you to everyone who's sent me love and asks and messages. you guys truly are the greatest friends i've ever had. i promise i'll answer as soon as i can.

(rambling diaerie entry below. you have been warned)

lately i have been using 4tw to document Rascal things. memories of him that i love, things i will miss about him, the final days where i was watching over him 24/7. i have a log of times i helped him up. this document is over 3000 words right now. i have too many precious precious memories and my memory is not very good (as you all know) so i am terrified i will forget things about him. i can't let that happen. so yeah.

jess and i watched dead boy detectives this weekend for a distraction. it was a very good show. i get the hype now. wish it hadn't been cancelled. uh...

oh. jess and me made Rascal peanut butter fudge on Friday evening. he was... he was very tired but he still raised his head up to smell for it. and then bit me gently when i gave it to him.

i took a video of him licking peanut butter off the spatula. and i also took a video of him drinking his water because he always drank water so gently. he licked so gently. but he would bite so hard sometimes. in a partially blind grumpy old man way. :')

i wish he was here to bite my fingers again. TwT i wish i had a video of him walking in the kitchen. his claws tapping on the linoleum is music i haven't heard in over a week and that i will never hear again.

on Sunday morning Jess and i were talking about the things we'd miss and i mentioned how he hadn't "talked" in a long time. and then a little later, he did a loud deep AWOOOO that our parents heard from the other end of the house. it was so beautiful. :(

i tried to make salt dough paw prints yesterday before we left. but he was really not in the mood to be bothered (which i understand completely but i had to try i needed to have this little thing from him) and they didn't turn out great. i dreamt last night i broke one and it devastated me.

uhhh god this got long. i'm not doing the super greatest or anything but i'm trying to be okay. to all my friends who were worried, i ate yesterday. for the first time in six years i carried only one plate to my room. i cried.

i didn't cry when i ate this afternoon but it was a near thing. i kept almost tearing off a piece of my roll to give Rascal (he loved bread so much. bread and sweets were his favorites) but then i'd remember.

anyway. just an update for you all. sorry for skipping wipw but an anon gave me permission and i appreciated it a lot thank you anon (i am being completely serious). if i attempted to work on anything i'm sure they would all turn out super angsty and i don't want to fuck up our current storylines. i'm not sure when i will start wipw again to be honest.

my ocd made me do it to keep Rascal safe (most of my ocd related Things were to keep Rascal safe) and now they're... well not moot but sort of. it's kind of fucking me up to think that no matter how Good i was, it didn't matter. he's still dead. like it's shaken my world view? which is so stupid but hey i can't afford therapy so... y'all have to listen to this insanity. actually you don't i will slap a read more at the top to spare you. just had to get some feelings out and i am not quite ready to talk one on one.

but i love you. i love you all so so much. please god kiss your dog for me. if you don't have a dog, kiss your cat. and if you don't have a cat give your turtle, rat, rabbit, spider, lizard, bird, etc a smooch instead.

okay i'll shut up now. thank you for reading

<3 aerie

[biggukuma]

A fanfiction or a series (my god, a series about this) in which Eli explains (in the voiceover for the series?) just how weird his family is.

Starting with Eli's many aunts and uncles, 3/4 of whom share no blood ties with him. ( Yes, the puppy pack is part of the Hale pack. Yes, Alec was Eli's babysitter. )

( Erica and Boyd would have twins about the same age as Eli. Why would that be? I have no idea. )

( For those who love Scott/Isaac/Allison, they would have 4 children. Yes, exactly, so that 3 of them would come from duos and the last one would come into the world thanks to the magic and presence of 3 DNAs. )

(The whole pack would not live in the huge mansion that is the Stilinski-Hale mansion. Thiam and Morey would have their own place. Sheriff would have refused to move in. )

Then his cousins, of all ages, each more unusual and annoying than the last. With whom he shares the same grimaces when they learn that most of their parents have gone out with each other.

( - Sweet Home Alabama-

- Shut up! )

His dziadzia, who had never been angry with him for ruining his wallpaper (he had every reason to be. They were horrible drawings-) and who had taught him to lie to his tata while making him promise never to lie, understood, you little rascal, when they went to get the greasiest order in the whole fast-food restaurant. And his babcia and his abuela and his abuelo and his tias and his tios and his primos and his primas he knew only in grave form.

Finally, his dads, who look like they hate each other half the time or would kill someone if it made the other half smile. His two dads who have criminal records but brunch with the station cops once a month. His two dads who are both biologically men and who have biologically managed to have a child together.

(Eli politely asks anyone who jokes about him being his parents' little shit to fuck off. His dads told him his tata had a C-section, okay ?!)

A fanfic or series in which we discover the famous Hale Pack that has risen from the ashes and is so feared and respected. Where we discover how Eli feels so alienated from the pack he loves and cherishes, so alienated from his family. How Eli feels he's not cut out to be the next Alpha of the pack. How certain Eli is that he'll never be anything like his incredible, powerful, famous dads, no matter how many times he's told he's the spitting image of Stiles or has Derek's eyes and sourwolf face.

Eli sees himself as the boring kid in this extraordinary family, the boring offspring of a rich heir to a famous werewolf pack, a bad boy with a tragic past in his youth, a DILF today with his dad's super skills, a fair and fierce true Alpha (alive and not DEAD) and an FBI agent as sarcastic as he is intelligent, a supernatural detective in his spare time, a fearsome spark, emissary and Alpha mate. Like the good old cliché of the character with no friends but his cousins and an overpowering entourage, so beloved and popular and so much more remarkable and interesting script-wise than he is.

(Perhaps Eli never could and never will be able to shift? Perhaps being human is in part the source of his fear.)

And being the good old cliché that he is, he apparently becomes interesting when he gets superpowers. (Stiles is not at all happy that the Nemeton has chosen him to be its guardian. In fact, no one in his family seems happy. Great.)

[gamequoteshowdown]

Thank you everyone for making this happen! Now, without further ado, the match-ups for Round 1!!!

Round 1

"I've been waiting for this!" - Akihiko Sanada, Persona 3 / "You're just a corpse who doesn't know he's dead" - Valter, Fire Emblem: Sacred Stones

"Are you going to be our goddess of victory… or our angel of death? Doesn't sound too bad to bet my life on that." - Keiji Shinogi, Your Turn To Die: Death Game by Majority / "Don't fuck with a witch!" - Bayonetta, Bayonetta

"Teammates!? Friends!? To hell with that! Why am I inferior to you!? I was extremely particular about my life, my grades, my public image! So someone would want me around! I am an ace detective! A celebrity! But you… You're just some criminal trash living in an attic!? So how!? How does someone like you have things I don't!? How can such a worthless piece of trash be more special than me!?" - Goro Akechi, Persona 5 / "I was just gunna ask you to sell a gun to this child." - Starlo, Undertale Yellow

"I want you to live." - Charlotte Wiltshire, Hello Charlotte Series / "Your hair… sunset colored. I like it." - Queequeg, Limbus Company

"The hope to end pointless conflict… The hope to tell your daughter how much you care… It is our mission as apothecaries to ensure that everyone lives long enough for their hopes to become reality. Even if it costs us our own lives." - Castti Florenz, Octopath Traveler II / "Game is clear when 2 zombies hold hands!!" - "How to Play" Narrator, Loving Deads: The House of the Dead EX

"Thanks to you, I am saddled with unnecessary… feelings" - Miles Edgeworth, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney / "I am so fucking normal right now" - Harry du Bois, Disco Elysium

“SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL IS GOING TO HAPPEN” - Harry du Bois (in the form as a potential mural painting), Disco Elysium / "You pull out your cellphone and access your old Tumblr. You have ten, but you specifically access the Garfield one." - Narrator, Monster Prom

"… Nice meeting you again, you FUCKING WHALE!" - Ishmael, Limbus Company / "My guess is no one's ever loved you before" - Woody, Kingdom Hearts 3

"Take care, [player]. I was lucky to have known you. Though the parting hurts... the rest is in your hands!" - Grovyle, Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky / "Far out, man." - Netzach, Limbus Company

"I'll be back once I eliminate that devil called poverty from the world!" - Partitio Yellowil, Octopath Traveler II / "Elder gods from the whole cosmos have awoken to taste your cookies." - Narrator, Cookie Clicker

"Hello! This is the part where I kill you!" - Wheatley, Portal 2 / "Now we come to the question : Do I kill you? Do I tear you apart to my heart's delight? The choices of the beautiful are unbearable. How's a girl to choose?" - Alice Angel, Bendy and the Ink Machine

"I am Ferdinand von Aegir" - Ferdinand von Aegir, Fire Emblem: Three Houses / "Her metabolic processes are of interest only to historians." - Miles Edgeworth, Ace Attorney: Trials and Tribulations

"It ain't a matter of guys or chicks... I'm just scared shitless of being rejected" - Kanji Tatsumi, Persona 4 / "...also Stanley is addicted to drugs and hookers" - Narrator, The Stanley Parable

“You’ve met with a terrible fate, haven’t you?” - Happy Mask Salesman, Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask / "I have no idea what to do with my life, but that's okay! Because I'm still working hard! Even if it's on nothing at all!" - Papyrus, Undertale

"Despite everything, its still you." - Narrator/Chara/Frisk???, Undertale / "In this world, it's kill or be killed." - Flowey, Undertale

“Heart. Lungs. Liver. Nerves. Heart. Lungs. Liver. Nerves…” - Voices of the Paranoid, Slay the Princess / "In the quiet glade, across old bark. In the ancient glade, it's always dark." - Gabbro, Outer Wilds

"You take away all their sins, and people aren't people anymore!" - Rokurou Rangetsu, Tales of Berseria / "Do you even get how it feels to have nightmares about doing tango with raw chickens? Eh?" - Heathcliff, Limbus Company

"Life is worth living, even if it hurts you, even if you hurt in it." - Solid Snake, Metal Gear Solid / "I often think about the god who blessed us with this cryptic puzzle... and wonder if we'll ever get the chance to kill him." - 2B, Nier: Automata

“Oh? Is that how it is? Yeah, okay, I like you too. Neat! Still going to kill you, but now we can both enjoy a mutual romantic subtext to the murder.” - The Razor, Slay the Princess / "Now it’s Reyn Time!" - Reyn, Xenoblade Chronicles

"You lost the coin toss. We both did." - Catherine Chun, SOMA / "I like to drink blood. . . and smoke the weed!" - Dracula, Space Funeral

"Pick a god and pray!" - Frederick, Fire Emblem: Awakening / "Can you believe it? Dragons! In your own homeland! What are you going to do?" - Florentia Candidius, Elder Scrolls Online

""Did you get the Broom Closet Ending?! The Broom Closet Ending was my favourite!" ...I hope your friends find this concerning." - Narrator, The Stanley Parable / "It’s dangerous to go alone, take this!" - Old Man, Legend of Zelda

“Close your eyes for a sec, will you Chigasaki?” “You mean physically? Or to the criminal acts I’m pretty sure you’re about to commit?” “Both.” - Chikage Utsuki & Itaru Chigasaki, A3! Act! Addict! Actors! / "You are all about to perish, do as you please. I'm sorry." - Meta Knight, Kirby Super Star

"Boy" - Kratos, God of War / "Take care of yourself, kid, cause someone really cares about you." - Sans, Undertale

"Almost Christmas means it wasn't Christmas!" - Phoenix Wright, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney / "Dios mío!” (Draw a cross.) “A LIBERAL!" - Harry du Bois, Disco Elysium

"That's it. I'm not paying one cent of my taxes!" - Ema Skye, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney / ""Trust your partner"... And I do. I can't forgive you, but I trust you." - Neku Sakuraba, The World Ends With You/Subarashiki Kono Sekai

"Hey, you. You’re finally awake. You were trying to cross the border, right? Walked right into that Imperial ambush, same as us, and that thief over there." - Ralof, Skyrim / *clap ... clap ... clap ... * "Oh good, my slow clap processor made it into this thing, so at least we have that" - GLaDOS, Portal 2

"hallOO. chikkEN. OKs?" - BOb, Slime Rancher / "Pretty good plan. You could say it was the greatest—" - Charles Calvin, The Henry Stickmin Collection

"Blood comes in four types: A, B, O, and AB. However! No blood test can determine whether a murder was committed… in cold blood!" - Phoenix Wright, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney / "You ain't my partner anymore, man. You're my friend! So trus' that, yo!" - Beat (Daisukenojo "Beat" Bito), The World Ends With You/Subarashiki Kono Sekai

"I always come back." - William Afton, FNaF Pizzeria Simulator / "So -- as you can see, I'm a *pretty okay* detective -- and an absolutely GIANT COMMUNIST." - Harry du Bois, Disco Elysium

"Ears have a nice mouth feel, very chewy!" - Briar, League of Legends / "This is like taking candy from a baby, which is fine by me." - Shadow the Hedgehog, Shadow the Hedgehog (2005)

"It's a beautiful day outside. Birds are singing, flowers are blooming... On days like this, kids like you... Should be burning in hell." - Sans, Undertale / "In the dark times, should the stars also go out?" - Steban, the Student Communist, Disco Elysium

“We are a path in the woods. We have no beginning, and we have no end, but something cold and unnatural sits watching us from just beyond our edge.” - The Wild, Slay the Princess / "Strong Pokémon. Weak Pokémon. That is only the selfish perception of people. Truly skilled Trainers should try to win with the Pokémon they love best." - Karen (Elite Four), Pokemon HeartGold / SoulSilver

[flufallo]

Some random, out of context lines from only the best show in the world

"YOU are the brawn?"

"If she'd died last night, I'd have no problem with her being here!" "Well that got dark"

"We've met phychics before, but none as fit as you" "HAH. Did that work on girls back in the 80s?"

"Are you ready to talk to her shoes?"

"And those girls are staring..." "Mabye it's your outfit" *middle finger*

"I don't care how old you are. Go to bed"

"Well, I'm very open minded and also very concerned about bursting open" "honestly I just find her so charming"

"Are you insane?"

"so I'm a... Tree?"

"Cute? Thats offensive"

"It smells like dog shit in there"

"I'll make sure to jot that down in my journal of opinions I DO NOT GIVE A DAMN ABOUT"

"Luckily, love requires no logic"

"MONTY! JESUS! I'm tryna... Threaten some kids"

"Are you ready to talk to her shoes?"

"Fuck off, the kid had a sardine"

"E-yup"

"she's always... Changing outfits"

"Are you being threatening or is this a sexy choking?"

"weeee!"

"In my experience, uptight boys like a bit of rough play" "... Right" (my poor innocent Edwin has no idea what that means)

"Hello, um, cute little friend with the bow tie"

"Teethface, what the fuck?"

"I'm just a really old man who lives in a fish"

"Specificity is key"

*Girls react sword death* "was that good? Were you scared?" "Pff, no. The sword would of punctured the lung, leaving her *gasping noises* unable to scream. Not to mention the sheer amount of blood filling her mouth. Very disappointing girls"

"You guys are like a dead married couple on acid"

"Is that my left or your left?" "We have the same left!"

"No, it is the blue book on the top left corner" *picks up pink book* "does that look blue to you, Charles?"(Colour blind Charles yaas)

"Well, that's harsh. But also charmingly stubborn. Capricorn?"

"Were not living anywhere, because your not living"

"This detective work is much measure than it ever looked on scooby doo"

"Two boys can like like each other, you know. I have a lot of manga about it. It's very sweet, and explicit"

"Again, a handshake would suffice"

"Yes, your highness"

"What is a hand job?"

"Well have to investigate further into this Molly character"

"At least one of you is in school, right?"

"You've been spending a lot of time with that one... Monty... You... A lot of time?" "Hmm? Merely swapping books is all"

"Oh my fucking fuck"

"I thought you were like a meat robber or a meat pervert or something"

"If you need anything, just shout. But don't actually shout. It's a library"

"Are you always a woman, is Charles ever a woman, can you change your eyes and nose like Mr potato head, do you know who mr potato head is?"

"Your such a whore"

"You don't look like a walrus"

"this looks like the places in those fish stick commercials I like"

"Charles, be less British. Edwin, be less Edwin"

"oh no, it's porn. It's all just porn"

"there are 142 cats" "142? That's way off!" (It's four off)

"and when he gets back from hell, I'll be waiting. God, I am such a romantic I hate it!"

"do you and Charles.. um... Have a special friendship?" "We are best friends, if you must know." (Keep him innocent guys)

"have you seen a Victrola anywhere?" "What?"

"oh, I think I'm gonna be sick!" "You are a ghost, Charles. You cannot get sick"

"well, maybe karma's just a bitch"

"I heard they died in some gay suicide pact"

"I have never wanted to get back inside someone more" (out of context this one just sounds so wrong lmao)

"are you saying my ghost friend isn't going to die? Super, thanks."

[ipatrichor]

dead boy detectives episode four thoughts

hey remember last post where i said last episode gave me everything I wanted. HOW ARE WE FEELING NOW BOYS. WE GOT THE BREAKDOWN!!! THAT MAN HAD AN EMOTIONAL OUTBURST AND COLLAPSED WE LOVE TO SEE IT!!!!!!

okay so i was wrong and charles' dad did not kill him. that's fine tbh I like this a lot, that he was essentially accidentally killed by his friends bc he stood up to them when they were bullying someone (? i think that's what the scene was implying. idk i was really excited about seeing him have a mental breakdown i might have missed something 😭). not to say that what they were doing was an accident, i just don't think they were trying to kill him i think they took the bullying too far and then maybe panicked when he died and covered it up, and that's why his death is unsolved? anyway very interesting! they truly do not miss with charles everything we've gotten from him is so great it makes me even more excited for edwin backstory haha

GOD CHARLES' BREAKDOWN.... that is everything i've ever wanted from a character repressing their emotions do u understand that. he got slammed into some of his worst memories, the most painful and traumatic moments of his life, and then with all those emotions back on the surface he went apeshit!!! i Love him getting aggressive to protect his friends (because that's really what he does, isn't it. he's the brains, i'm the brawn. god.) and then breaking down crying because he can't keep pretending like things are fine anymore, there's too much all at once for him to shrug it off. PHENOMENAL stellar acting stellar writing i love all of this i am eating it like soup!!!

and just. the things he was saying, about how he has to keep being positive he has to keep it together because if he doesn't who will? who else have they got to keep spirits up and stop the group from self-destructing? god it's. so good. i am not going to elaborate on some of that striking a nerve but. god. they gave me everything i wanted to see i love it so much!!! that is everything i hoped for from this story beat you understand!!!!

i wonder if maybe jenny is going to get an episode? or like a b-plot focused on her, something like that. the love letters seem like a plot thread that's going to be pulled on later, it just doesn't seem like this show to establish a mystery and then have it only be a background detail. we'll see tho ^^ i love jenny, i'd love to see more of her she's so fun. reminds me of a friend of mine tbh so i am biased, but also i deeply appreciate a woman with knives on a societal and also personal level 👍

okay can i just say. the night nurse (thank u noble for telling me her name <3) is kind of an asshole right. like i don't think she's evil she's doing a very necessary job, but it's actually delightful how ruthless she is about it. oh these two souls are refusing to move on? throw them into their worst traumas and the most painful moments of their lives to convince them there's nothing worth staying on earth for. sure, it's cruel, but who cares? it's efficient, and that's what matters. these are just children acting out to her, who don't understand the importance of what she does to keep everything in order. i love ruthless characters, and she's done so well she's so fun to watch

also. i do not think this is the last we've seen of her. like yeah she got fed to a sea monster but also she's literally from the afterlife and can travel back to earth wherever as long as she gets the permits. so. i think they bought some time, but that won't last long and they're still stuck in the town so i think she's far from done with them, and we'll see her again probably sooner rather than later (especially since she knows where they're staying)

crystal. my girl. beloved. PLEASE stop almost dying every episode it's bad for my blood pressure. you don't understand you're a living person which means they can kill you while still having you as a character on the show by making you become a ghost. you and niko don't have that safety net Please be more careful 😭

we got some really interesting lilith lore this episode, and it's got me thinking. a goddess of blood and wronged women... what about esther? she's been kidnapping and killing little girls, is that not wronging them? has it just not caught up to her yet because she's been making sacrifices, and if so what happens now that the squad has stopped her from kidnapping more kids? is she on some kind of time limit? this is So interesting I am deeply intrigued by the possibilities here...

the cat king was... there. okay i will admit the scene where he shapeshifted into monty and then charles was interesting. the implications are Fascinating, especially the order- he shifts into monty first and only briefly, but it doesn't seem to affect edwin until he shifts into charles. and then, edwin seems almost entranced until the yellow eyes show through which is. there are certainly implications! idk if it means anything besides instinctively trusting charles more bc they've known each other longer or something like that- especially considering this is netflix we're talking about, but then again the show got cancelled so maybe things did get gay! they've also set up edwin possibly having a crush on monty, or at least being unsure how he feels about him so. no idea but i am Keeping An Eye On That 👀

also. him saying he's never really been interested in/seen the appeal of kissing but now isn't sure whether it's something he wants... clutching grayro/demiro edwin to my chest. this is mine now he's one of us 👍

speaking of edwin, his moment there with niko at the end was really sweet. they're watching scooby doo together 😭 it's the perfect blend of their interests bc it's a detective cartoon.... their friendship is so cute holy shit. the simplicity and genuineness of their dynamic is so sweet, how edwin praises niko's detective work (telling her she's good at something very important to him!) and niko offers a listening ear without judgement as he works through what looks like it's shaping up to be a sexuality crisis. they mean so much to me... they're friends your honor!!!!

oh also charles and crystal kissed. idk man i don't have many thoughts on that. good for them 👍 I think the framing was sweet, in that the show sets up the kiss as the 'something real' crystal wants, but i will admit that part of me is disappointed because i wanted crystal and niko to get together. idk i thought they balanced each other out well, with crystal being subtle where niko is blunt and niko having hope where crystal is cynical, but. that's fine. i wasn't super invested. it's fine. no lesbians for me i guess... sad! oh well

all silliness aside, this episode was yet another Banger they simply do not miss!! the lighthouse ghost was such a fun character, and i love niko's kindness shining through again as she offers edwin red sea glass for courage and the walrus man green sea glass for emotional stability after telling him how she found the washerwoman. niko sasaki the woman that you are.... anyway i'm starting the next episode and then afterwards we'll see how i feel i might need to break for dinner lol

[webbo0]

*Cowboy voice* “I Ain’t Quitting You”

Holland March x Jackson Healy

AO3 link

Length: 2,183 words

Summary:

"In my psychology class, we talked about something called an Oral Fixation; Freud made it up. Maybe you just need to have something else to like, chew on and stuff." "Sweetheart, we’ve talked about this —" "Oh my god, Dad, just get some gum or whatever!" AKA 7 things Holland March tries to help him quit drinking, plus the 1 time Jackson Healy helps him out. AKA Holland does NOT have an oral fixation, Thank you very much

Content/Warning: Idiot to lovers, Oral Fixation, Kissing, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Smoking, Sobriety, Quitting Smoking, Post-Canon, chosen family, 5+1 Things, technically it's 7 + 1 things, slight angst, Mature Content, implied/referenced sexuality

Authors Note: This is actually the first fic I ever published back in September '23, but I never posted it to Tumblr, so here ya go!

Original Notes:

Welp. I finally did it. Almost a decade in fandoms and it was Ryan fucking Gosling that made me cave and finally write fanfiction. Shoutout to the Goosecord for the motivation/encouragement to write this and for the feedback, especially @sandpapersnowman for helping me format this for AO3!! Y'all are the best!!

Anyways enjoy!!

***

"March, we gotta talk."

Holland jerks up and immediately regrets it when his head pounds and everything tilts about 270° too far to the left. He groans and falls off the bed. Bed? He doesn’t remember getting there. Or undressing, apparently, because looking down, he quickly realizes he’s wearing nothing but some embarrassingly old boxers. And Healy’s standing above him. Holland scrambles back into bed and covers himself in a blanket.

"Stop pretending I haven’t seen you half-naked before. You’re acting like a Victorian duchess."

"A man must preserve his — hrrk — dignity," Holland retorts back in a bad British accent, having to pause and suppress a wave of nausea halfway through his sentence.

Healy scoffs

"Dignity, my ass! Holly found you passed out on the diving board. You could’ve gotten hurt! Again!"

Holland feels suddenly defensive. "And why do you care? What are you, my fairy drunk-mother?" Not your best comeback there, March, he thinks.

"You’re my business partner; I have a vested interest in having an income, so forgive me if I want my co-detective alive to work with me. You need to stop drinking."

Holland rolls his eyes. "I’ve got it under control, Healy. I’m a big boy, y’know?" God, he wishes he could take a nap right now.

"March, I’m serious; you’re going to do permanent damage to your liver. Plus," Healy hesitates as if he’s trying to figure out a way to finish his sentence without sounding like an asshole, "it’s not fair to Holly. You’re the only family she’s got left; you have to be there for her. She’s a teenager now and needs someone to guide her through adolescent idiocy. You’re her dad, you owe it to her."

That wakes him up. He’s always pushed down the guilt he has over his behavior, but when Healy lays it all out in front of him like that? He knows he’s deluded himself for years into thinking Holly wouldn’t notice, but she’s not a kid anymore. And the thought of her as an impressionable teenager following in his footsteps makes him nauseous for a whole different reason.

He sighs.

"Alright, alright, cut my balls off, why don’tcha? But fine, I get it."

"Thank you," Healy looks relieved.

"I can’t just quit cold chicken, though, withdrawals can be dead—"

"Turkey"

"Hm?" "The phrase is cold turkey."

"No, I’m pretty sure it's chicken."

"Why would it be — never mind. And yeah, it would be pretty dangerous to just stop altogether. What if we cut it down to one drink a day?"

"One? No way, pal, three a day minimum."

"Three?! There is something seriously wrong with you, March."

"Hey!"

An hour of negotiations later, they settle on a begrudged compromise.

That was a month ago, and Holland was regretting ever saying yes to the whole stupid plan. To substitute for the flask he always took a swig from whenever he needed to calm his nerves, he kept an extra pack of cigarettes, so he was smoking twice as much as usual. And Holly isn't a fan of his new habit. It’s a Monday morning, and Holland sits at the table, sipping his coffee, while Holly gets ready for school. Healy had stopped by to drop off some paperwork for their latest case, and now, for some inexplicable reason, is making them all pancakes. He bites back a comment about him making a great housewife and instead turns to Holly, arms out for a hug. She had a big test today and has insisted on the Mandatory Good Luck Hug before tests since kindergarten. She makes a face at him.

"Ugh, Dad, you smell gross!"

Tchk. Teenagers. "Holly, it’s rude to say that to someone’s face."

"It's true, March, you smell like an ashtray had sex with another ashtray," Healy comments from his place in front of the stove, not even turning around.

"Yeah, and then their house burned down." Holly adds, "You do know those will kill you one day, right?"

"Pfft, no way! Doctors used to give these to you! My own father had a prescription for a pack a day!"

Healy turns around. "Didn't he die of lung cancer?"

"Yeah, why?"

Healy pinches the bridge of his nose. He looks like he has a headache brewing.

Holly waltzes into the kitchen and steals a pancake from the ever-growing stack.

"In my psychology class, we talked about something called an Oral Fixation; Freud made it up. Maybe you just need to have something else to like, chew on and stuff."

"Sweetheart, we’ve talked about this —"

"Oh my God, Dad, just get some gum or whatever!"

She still leans in for a half hug while wrinkling her nose, because tradition is tradition. As she walks to the bus stop, Holland considers her words. Was he obsessed with things in his mouth? He took a sip of coffee before anyone could notice his face flushing a lovely shade of magenta.

The first thing he tries is Holly’s initial suggestion: gum. He gets a shit ton of flavors to try to find one he won’t get tired of. He settles on Bubblicious watermelon wave. The idea is largely effective, and Holland's smoking is cut down to what Holly decides is a "normal amount."

Unfortunately, Holland has the manners of a barn animal, so after only nine days of chewing with his mouth open non-stop, Healy is about to strangle him.

"March, buddy, I’m glad this is helping with your ‘mouth thing’," he starts. Holland opens his mouth to protest before Healy quickly cuts him off to finish. "But we have to figure something else out before I make the ‘arm incident’ look like a harmless prank."

Holland shuts up. No problem, he’ll find something else. He was getting tired of the gum sticking to his teeth anyway.

Holland’s next plan; a toothpick. More similar in shape to a cigarette and they last much longer. Bonus points: Holly thinks he looks “far out”. This plan lasts about 3 seconds before he gets a splinter in his gums. Toothpick is out.

Plan C is to just chew on the end of his pen as he works. Holland thinks it makes him look distinguished. Healy’s just kinda grossed out. Everything is fine until he finds a break in their case, jumps up in excitement, and promptly inhales the pen cap. Healy has to use the damn Heimlich maneuver on him, frantically grabbing him and squeezing harder than Holland thinks is necessary. But what does he know? And, wow, he definitely isn’t thinking about how Healy's strong arms feel around him.

When Healy silently hands him a teething ring meant for fussy toddlers, Holland almost punches him (attempted sobriety has him more on edge than usual). But hearing Holly’s muffled hysterics around the corner instantly dissolves his irritation. Something about Jackson and Holly working together just makes his heart flutter.

And sometimes, when he’s sure no one is looking, he’ll hold up the ring on a chain around his neck to his mouth. Softly, not biting or chewing, just letting it rest between his lips. And no matter what Jackson softly asks him one night, tears are not falling down his face. Those are the nights he really regrets cutting down on his drinking.

It’s when he starts keeping a lollipop in his mouth most of the day he notices Healy acting… Different. When Holland’s doing his work, going over papers and poring over phone books, he lets himself loosen up. Often he’ll tap his pen in random patterns, or jiggle his leg up and down (which drives Healy crazy), or more recently, he’ll hold his lollipop between his fingers like a cigarette and slowly lick circles around it. It’s a mindless behavior that helps him concentrate, but for some reason, Healy doesn’t like it. March can tell. He notices Healy glance at him and then darts his eyes down as if it weirds him out just to witness it. It hurts; Healy knows how much Holland is trying to be better, why would he judge him for how he’s coping? He tries to brush it off, wondering why it bothers him so much; he should be used to people not getting him by now.

They’re sitting next to each other on the couch in Holland’s living room, working on their latest case. It’s late at night and Holly is sleeping at a friend’s house for a birthday party. Holland is losing himself in the details of this case (who kidnaps a pet snake??) when he senses Healy’s attention on his mouth, which he currently occupies with a new blue raspberry lollipop.

After the fifth time Holland catches Healy staring at his mouth he snaps.

“I know I’m a fuck-up and everything but can you at least try to hide how much you —"

He’s cut off when something covers his lips. Oh. When Healy covers his lips. With his mouth. Oh. Holland’s brain takes about three seconds to catch up with what’s happening. Jackson’s kissing him. Holy shit.

Holy shit.

Jackson must’ve taken his frozen state as rejection because he quickly pulls back. Holland almost whines from the loss of contact.

“Fuck. Fuck! I shouldn’t have done that, I’m so sorry, Holland,” Jackson runs a hand through his hair, clearly panicking, “You’ve just been such a goddamn tease with the fuckin’, whatever it is you’re doing with those lollipops and I couldn’t hel—”

This time he’s cut off from finishing his sentence by Holland grabbing his face and kissing him so hard he’s distantly worried about breaking Jackson’s nose. Holland’s hands rest on the side of Jackson’s face and cup the back of his neck, bracing himself in a desperate attempt to hide how much he’s shaking. Jackson’s lips are firm and his 3-day-old stubble is rough against his skin; one of his hands automatically threads into Holland’s hair, and the other hovers over his side before settling on his hips. He squeezes and the feeling goes straight to Holland’s dick. He lets out a wet groan into Jackson’s mouth who responds with a deep rumble.

“Fuck, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this,” Jackson growls, pulling away from Holland to let him catch his breath.

“Tell me,” is all that Holland responds, dipping his head and latching his mouth to Jackson’s neck, drawing out a strangled gasp.

“Since the day you fell asleep on my shoulder during that stakeout, and grabbed onto me like a fucked-up koala. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of you,” Jackson is visibly struggling to keep his composure as Holland's fingers move to the buttons on Jackson's shirt, frantically undoing them and pushing his hands under the cheap cotton. Holland moves his mouth down his neck, biting and sucking and doing things with his tongue that must be good because Jackson is making sounds that frankly should be illegal.

“Maybe Holly’s right, you really have a fixation on —”

Jackson yelps before he can finish his thought because Holland bites down hard into the soft skin of Jackson’s shoulder.

“Please don't mention my daughter while I’m giving you hickeys, it’s weird,” Holland mumbles while sucking what is sure to be a large dark splotch into Jackson’s collarbone.

“What I’m saying,” Jackson starts, as he grabs Holland's hair and jerks his head up to look him in the eyes, pupil’s blown. Holland would’ve whined from the loss of contact if he wasn’t moaning from Jackson’s hand tugging against his scalp.

“What I’m saying, is that maybe you just need to be doing something useful for once with that pretty little mouth besides drinking and talking non-stop.”

“And smoking, can’t forget all the smo—” Jackson shuts him up by shoving the thumb of the hand not tangled in his hair into Holland’s mouth, pressing down on his tongue. He moans around his hand in a way he knows must sound obscene. Jackson curses as Holland simultaneously starts sucking his fingers like it’s his job and fumbling with the buckle on Jackson’s jeans.

“God, you are something special, Holland,” he murmurs softly, and Jackson says his name with such reverence that if Holland doesn’t get the other man’s pants off immediately, he might explode.

He drops to his knees between Jackson’s thick thighs, because if everyone and their mother were so insistent he has this ‘mouth fixation’ or whatever, he might as well blow their expectations out of the water.

Heh, blow. Good one March.

He stares at the crotch of Jackson’s jeans, already starting to drool.

___

After that night, Holland sticks with the lollipops (now sugar-free, because his dentist nearly had a conniption when he last went in for a cleaning). No longer worried about Healy’s judgment, he loosens up and allows himself to fidget weirdly in peace. And if he and Jackson are alone on the nights when needs a little help with his mouth thing (because fine, yes, he might have a little fixation. Sue him), and he’s having a particularly hard time not turning to his vices? Well, that’s between him, his gag reflex, and Freud.

***

Hope y'all enjoyed!!! You get bonus points if you find all the other Ryan Gosling movie references Again, this is the first full fic I've written so any and all feedback is welcomed!

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

Memoriam: Final Part

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.3k

Summary: Spencer is investigating the death of his “imaginary friend” that’s not so imaginary. On the other hand, you’re finding out more about your family than you thought you knew. Why are you now getting the ick when you never had this before? What does it all mean?

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there are any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them. If you’ve seen the show, then it’s the same level of angst unless otherwise stated

x

He walks into the interrogation room where Will is, and you're about to go after him but Derek stops you. Spencer is lashing out because he is hurt, not because he truly feels this way. You feel everything he is feeling, and you're not sure how to help him. This is too overwhelming to deal with, but you're trying your best.

"It's a simple question. How did the blood get on the clothes?" Spencer asks his dad.

You, Derek, and Rossi are watching through the mirror.

"I told you, I'm not going to talk without counsel."

"If you don't have anything to hide, you don't need a lawyer."

"Spencer, please. I'm not stupid," Will sighs. "I'm proud of you, you know that?"

"I'm not stupid either."

"No. You've done a lot of good. Other people with your talents might have sought different opportunities. My God, you could have made a fortune but you chose to help people."

"I chose to study murderers. Why do you think that is?"

"I didn't do this, Spencer. Why don't you believe me?"

"As you said, I do have special talents. One of them is being able to tell when somebody is hiding something. My girlfriend? She can tell when someone is lying."

He knows you don't think his dad did this, but his dad doesn't know this. You hate that he's using you like this, but like you said before, he's hurting right now.

"You're angry that I left, and you have the right to be."

"You want to make it up to me? Tell me the truth," Spencer begs.

"I didn't kill that boy, but I know who did."

"Gary Michaels?"

Will looks at his son in shock, but he composes himself quickly to remain calm.

"How do you know that?"

"That was the whole idea, wasn't it? So, where is Gary Michaels now, Dad?"

"Spencer, please. Forget it. You don't want to go down this road."

"Will isn't lying," you say to Derek and Rossi. "He didn't kill Riley." Your phone rings, and you answer Hotch's call. "Hey, did you find anything out about Gary?"

"Yeah, they found him... well, some of him. They found him seven years ago when they broke ground for a construction project. I had Garica send everything over to you."

"Okay, thanks" you sigh.

"Yeah. Also, JJ is going into labor now. Everything is fine. We're checking her in now."

"Okay, thanks." You hang up the phone. "Good news is that JJ is going into labor! She'll have her baby by the time we get back." You knock on the door and open it, briefly looking at Will. "Spencer, can we talk to you?" He gets up and you bring him to where Rossi and Derek are before you break the news to him. "They found Gary... some of him."

"He's dead?"

"They dug him up seven years ago when some new construction broke ground in the desert."

"Whoever killed him was smart enough to bury him across state lines. Vegas PD never made the connection."

"How was he killed?"

"Judging from the fractures, they think he was beaten with something. A pipe or a bat."

"Bat?"

"Maybe it wasn't Riley's blood on those clothes your dad was burning," Derek says.

Detective Hyde only gave Spencer twenty-four hours to hold Will, and as soon as that was up, he was released. Spencer isn't satisfied until he knows the answer, so the next place he wants to go is the sheriff's department where part of Gary's body was found. It's right here in Vegas, so you don't have to travel far to talk to him.

He's very chatty as soon as you tell him what you're actually here for.

"There have been rumors that a body was buried at the Barker Ranch for years. That's where Charles Manson had his hideout. When we dug this one up, we went ahead and had him registered. We thought it could have been related."

"It's a good thing you did. We might never have ID'd him otherwise."

"So, why all the fuss over a dead pervert?"

"We think he may have killed a boy in Vegas over twenty years ago."

"Is that how he ended up in the ground? Revenge?" the sheriff asks.

"Possibly. It says here you have a fingerprint in evidence that was lifted from the victim's broken glasses," Spencer reads the file.

"We ran it up the flagpole a couple of times. Nothing ever came up."

"That was then. Now we have someone to compare it to."

"You have a suspect? That's a lot of taxpayer dollars being spent to solve a public service murder. If you ask me, the guy got just what he deserved," the sheriff shrugs.

"He's right, you know. We don't have to run this print," Rossi says.

"Of course we do. Whatever Michaels did, he deserved a fair trial."

"Reid, you wanted to know if your father killed Riley. All signs point to 'no'. You got what you need."

"What I need is the truth," Spencer says sternly.

"Spencer, if this print belongs to your dad, he could go to jail for a long time. Why are you trying so hard to pin this on him? It's like you're not even willing to hear the other side. Is this all because he abandoned you as a kid? Is this some sort of revenge?" you ask.

Spencer knows he's being unreasonable, but he's not willing to listen to the other side of the story right now.

"If you don't want to run it, I will."

You have no choice but to run the print despite what everyone else says. Since you're staying at the casino, you're waiting in the lobby for the phone call. Spencer is bouncing his leg as a sign of his anxiety, and you place your hand on his leg to stop him, but he shrugs your touch off him. You hate that he is being this way, but you have to be patient. This is different than when he was being an asshole to you for the whole Tobias Hankel thing, which is why you're giving him leeway.

Ten seconds later, Derek's phone rings, and you look at Spencer. He nods desperately for Derek to answer it, so he does.

"This is agent Morgan. ... You did? ... You're one hundred percent certain? ... Okay. Thank you." Derek hangs up and looks at Spencer who stands. "We're going to have to get an arrest warrant."

"It was a match?"

"Yeah, but it wasn't your dad."

Will didn't kill Riley, Gary did. Will didn't kill Gary, Lou did. Once he heard what he did to his son, he beat him the fuck up and killed him. What Diana and Will have to do with all of this, you're not sure, but you know Will is innocent in that sense. Lou is working on some construction project in town, so you three head over there after notifying Detective Hyde's captain. As soon as you get there, Detective Hyde shows up, and Spencer isn't too happy about that.

"What's he doing here?"

"We notified your captain about this, Detective. It's all legit," Rossi says.

"I'm not trying to stop you. I just want to be the one to bring him in. It'll go easier. He's my friend."

"Yeah, we figured that much," Spencer scoffs.

"You slipped us Gary's file, didn't you?" you ask.

"You were after the wrong guy."

"You knew who the right guy was all along? About what Lou did to him?"

"There wasn't any evidence."

"Did you even look?" Spencer asks with his eyes narrowed, but Hyde doesn't answer that.

"You want to link him up, go ahead, but he rides in with us."

"I appreciate that."

Lou looks up and sees Hyde walking over to him, and Lou has that look about him that knows he is caught for what he did. Your team brings Lou back to the police station, and Spencer jumps at the chance to talk to Lou. Before you have a chance to do anything, he pulls you into the room with him. Damn, if he wanted you with him, all he needed to do is ask.

"We have your print off Gary's glasses when they found him seven years ago. Who else was with you?"

"No one."

"You're saying you killed Gary Michaels by yourself, all alone?"

"That's right."

"Was Wiliam Reid a party to this?"

"No."

"You're lying. Is he lying?" Spencer asks you.

You look at him in shock, but you don't have time to answer him.

"I'm not lying."

"What makes you think Gary killed your boy?" Derek asks.

"He admitted it."

"If you beat a guy with a baseball bat, he's going to admit to a lot of things. How do you know he was the right guy?"

"I know. He approached another kid in the neighborhood."

"How do you know that?"

"I was told by a concerned party."

"Who? Another parent?"

"That's all I'm going to say on the subject," Lou shrugs.

"Who was it?" Spencer demands.

"I told you that's all I'm going to say on the sub--"

"Who was it?" Spencer yells, slamming his fist on the table.

You jump at the sudden noise, and you have to force back tears. He's crossing a line you're not sure he'll be able to come back to, and he's using his anger toward his dad to dictate how he behaves. The door to the interrogation room opens, and Detective Hyde comes in.

"Agent Reid?"

"Do not interfere with this interrogation, Detective. This is not your case anymore."

"Spencer, it was me."

Diana walks in with a reserved look on her face, and Spencer's shoulders sag at her presence. His father also appears behind Diana, and you know that they are going to talk about this in another room. You're planning on staying here, but Spencer grabs your hand in silent question. You get up without a word and follow the three of them into an empty office.

"Did you know Gary?" Spencer asks his mom.

"I'd seen him around at your ball games and at the park. You used to play chess there, do you remember? You played with him once."

"With Gary?"

"I didn't know that was his name back then, but it wasn't unusual for you to play with adults. You'd win, too," he chuckles.

"Did he do something to me?"

"Oh, no. God, no. It never got to that point. When I saw the way he looked at you, I knew what he was. I could just tell."

"A mother knows."

"Yes," she whispers.

"So, you told Riley's dad."

"Yes. Two nights later, Lou called the house. He was agitated. He said he needed me to meet him. I sat there. I couldn't move. It was like a dream. That paralysis in the face of something terrible."

"What happened after that?"

"At some point, I found myself walking towards the house. I walked inside, and I saw Gary on the ground. Lou was standing over him with a baseball bat. I must have slipped on Gary's blood because I remember the blood on my clothes. After that, I can't remember."

"You came home," Will says. "She couldn't talk at first, but eventually I came to understand what had happened. I knew that nobody could ever know."

"You two never told anyone?"

"No, she could have been implicated. I had to protect her."

"You were burning her bloody clothes."

"I couldn't burn the knowledge away. It changed everything."

"Is that why you left?" Spencer asks, vulnerable.

"I tried to keep us together, Spencer. I swear to you, but the weight of that knowledge, it was too much."

"You could have come back. You could have started over."

"I didn't know how to take care of you anymore. When I lost that confidence, there was no going back."

"What's done is done. At least now you know the truth."

"I was wrong about everything. I'm sorry," Spencer sighs.

"I am too, Spencer," Will says.

You never needed to be here. Spencer only asked you to come in here for one reason, and when you realize that, you stand up.

"Excuse me." You walk out of the room, but you don't get far because Spencer is chasing after you. "Did you want me in there because you know I know when people are lying?" Spencer opens his mouth to answer, but nothing comes out. "Spencer, I will back you up on anything, you know this, but don't ever use me again."

"I'm sorry," he sighs.

Since this is considered case closed, you're able to fly back without having something unfinished. As you predicted, by the time you got back to Quantico, JJ had her baby. Everyone is in her hospital room to admire her child when you and Spencer enter with shy looks on your faces.

"Is there room for two more in here?"

"Spence, Y/N, hi," JJ smiles.

"Welcome back," Hotch says.

"How is it that I just went through fifteen hours of labor and you two look worse than I do?" JJ chuckles.

"Don't be ridiculous. You look beautiful," Spencer smiles.

"Well, I could sure use some coffee. Anyone else? My treat," Will offers.

Everyone filters out of the room to give you and Spencer some alone time with JJ. You walk to her with a smile and hold your arms out.

"May I hold him?"

"Of course."

JJ passes her baby boy, Henry, over to you. He's not even your child, but you have so much love for him. You pass him off to Spencer once you're satisfied, and he awkwardly holds the baby in his arms. If he looks tiny in your arms, then he definitely is microscopic in Spencer's arms.

"Are you two okay?"

"Yeah, are you?"

"Better now," she chuckles. "Look, I want to ask you two something. Will and I were talking and we want you two to be Henry's godparents."

"Are you serious?" you gasp happily. "Yes, of course!"

"If anything should happen to us, it's up to you and Y/N to make sure this boy gets into Yale," JJ jokes.

"Yale? Do you want to go to Yale, Henry?" Spencer smiles at the child. "That was your godfather's safety school. Don't worry, I can get you into Cal-Tech with one phone call."

You can't be any happier right now. This has been such an emotional rollercoaster, but it's ended so sweetly.

"There is no refuge from memory and remorse in this world. The spirits of our foolish deeds haunt us, with or without repentance." - Gilbert Parker

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[coraline-piange]

ten people i'd like to get to know better

thanks for the tag @many-gay-magpies <3 i'm only a couple weeks too late but better late than never, eh?

last song: can i get it by adele. suuuch a good song!

favourite colour: purple :D love me some deep rich purple. but i am an enjoyer of most colours tbh

last book: oh god. okay this was an arc called "disco witches of fire island" which sounds awesome but was very much not for me. rarely have i ever read about characters so annoying making baffling choices, being weirdly horny all of the time with such a lackluster prose....

last movie: 'our little secret' on netflix. i was curious to see what mr fitz is up to these days lmao

last show: dead boy detectives actually! but in the german dub (which is awful, btw. wtf netflix?)

sweet/spicy/savory: ohhh this depends sm on my mood. but ig sweet?

relationship status: currently married to my blorbos xoxo

last thing i googled: origins of the word 'wichteln' (german name for secret santa). it comes from the diminutive from 'wicht', 'wichtel', which describes a goblin-like, pixy-like creature. fun!

current obsession: i mean. i think everyone who follows me already knows that. but yea, it's dead boy detectives <333333 full in brainrot (for months now)

looking forward to: visiting my long distance friends in the next couple of weeks!

okay i'm no pressure tagging:

@icarusalchemist @questionably-italian-chilli @idontshitpostbuttheolympicpark @47cityordinances @bigtirednoodle @tw0-ravens and ofc anyone else who wants to!!!

not a full 10 people but that's okay i think haha

[theundeadgospel]

sobbing as everyone talks about their dnd party so here’s my group of misfits I love sm and the npcs that have been with us

🗡️ KNIGHT BETHANNE VLADISLAVA DROZDOV. 🗡️

We all know this bitch. Zealot barbarian, death knight to Lady Zarovich, oathbreaker. Champion of Lord Myrkul. Nosferatu spawn. In some sort of weird love triangle with her now resurrected first love interest (Laurent) who doesn’t even remember her and pining HARD for Lady Strahd.

🗡️ YONA GLAMOURHOOF. 🗡️

Grave domain cleric and champion to Lord Kelemvor. Satyr. She’s our detective and an INSANELY PHENOMENAL note taker. Like, she takes notes during session and always has them revised and up within minutes after session is done in a doc. Beth adopted her as her child.

🗡️ APHRODITE. 🗡️

Gloom stalker ranger. Dhampir. She has multiple attacks and hits so fucking hard. Love interest to Nadja, Lady Strahd’s daughter. Nadja doesn’t seem to be aware of being her daughter — because her mind was altered. By Strahd. Like a bitch. The biggest lesbian vibes next to Bethanne tbh. Always doing some assassin shit.

🗡️ OREN. 🗡️

Aberrant mind sorceress. Changeling. Doesn’t recall her actual identity, always changing. The voice of reason. Love interest to Ingrim, this warforged that got slaughtered by Noctus (Beth’s vampire lord) and then resurrected as a human. Has a sparrow bird son, Caleb — who was the ghost boy in the murder house and then resurrected as a sparrow. The daughter to Laurent, who has no fucking idea she’s alive, and Oren doesn’t even remember who she was or looked like.

🗡️ MORIAN CAVEBEARD. 🗡️

Life domain cleric. Dwarf. Thank god we have an ACTUAL healer. He cooks good shit. Can switch to a full on TANK (glass cannon) when he goes into PTSD mode (dude literally has war flashbacks). Gives amazing advice.

🗡️ NOVA ESPIRITU. 🗡️

College of spirits bard. Half elf himbo. The cinnamon bun. He’s like our medic. Love interest to Ireena. Beth adopted him as her child too. He’s starting to get physical though, which is something he hasn’t ever done — mans finally throwing hands.

🗡️ ELIAS IRONHOOF. 🗡️

War domain cleric. Chosen to Lathander (for now). Centaur. Hits so hard because he has a warhammer and divine does extra damage. Somehow, despite Beth originally being a BITCH to him over his religion, became best friends with her. Lathander never bothered to resurrect his dead husband and then Myrkul went okay I’ll do it then, fuck him LMAOOOO so Beth has been slowly trying to convert him to her ways.

🗡️ LAURENT. 🗡️

Originally a human(?) oathbreaker and was Beth’s first love interest. Frenchie. He convinced her to get closer to the party and helped her through her initial anxiety after being freshly turned and alone for years. He never got to admit his feelings — got kidnapped, experimented on, then murdered. He then got resurrected as an aasimar at one point. Doesn’t remember jack shit (pray for me next session when Beth sees him again).

🗡️ LADY STRAHD. 🗡️

Yes. Our Strahd is a woman. God she’s so hot. Ours is on a redemption arc though (thanks to me convincing the entire party and my DM that I can fix her). She’s done a LOT of fucked up shit in the past and is still extremely bitter over Tatyana killing herself because she went from loving wife to hellbent, tyrannical ruler and Tatyana literally chose to die than be wed to someone who was no longer the person she fell in love with. Strahd’s still a bitch even if she is on her redemption arc — sasses everyone, Beth and her bicker like an old married couple, murdered Aphrodite during one of her PTSD fits, hurled a whole fireball at Beth’s face bc she smart mouthed her when she was already pissed. You know. Lesbian shit. She’s so tired of everyone’s and her own shit and wants to die but can’t so she’s spiteful LMAO

🗡️ IREENA KOLYANA. 🗡️

She’s like a pretty little scholar. Nova’s girlfriend. Usually is just minding her business for the most part. Contrary to original lore (can you tell we’re heavily homebrewed yet), Strahd doesn’t give a shit about her. We were supposed to get more time with her, but Noctus decided to spite Nova by rendering Ireena feeble minded knowing our weak leveled asses couldn’t rouse her from a high leveled spell. For 10+ sessions. Like the piece of shit he is.

🗡️ NOCTUS. 🗡️

A piece of shit vampire lord. Beth’s vampire lord. A bitch. He owns an army of nosferatu beasts. Slaughtered two Vistani settlements (one of which was Beth’s family). Tried to tpk the party — TWICE. A BITCH.

🗡️ THE INNKEEPER / STRANGE. 🗡️

The domain lord of Hallowbrook. Oathbreaker human. He’s like Jade’s mascot because he runs The Rosewood Inn — her social media handle. Former knight in command to Lady Strahd when she was a tyrant. Father to Vashka — and had no idea about any of that until recently because Strahd altered his mind. Like a bitch. He then tried to beat the shit out of Strahd for this. He’s a tired man.

🗡️ VASHKA. 🗡️

She was a child sacrifice vampire for the dark forces. A trade in — she was forced to become Barovia’s new domain lord while her mother, Strahd, got to roam freely. Strahd created her by taking the blood of Strange and mixed it with her own to create a living spell component sacrifice — a child born of only both of their negative attributes, then abandoned entirely for the dark forces. Vashka is our actual BBG. She is not redeemable. This whole campaign now revolves around undoing Strahd’s FUCK SHIT.

[luckycheesefoodie321]

UNFILTERED REACTIONS TO PJO SHOW EPISODE 5 (AKA THE PERCABETH EPISODE): yes, spoilers. No, coherence.

PERCY JACKSON WANTED TWELVE YEAR OLD BOY

THE HECKIN FATES

PERCABETH HUGGGG

NOT CAR. THATS ARES THE BIGGEST PUNK IN EXISTENCE.

HAHAHAHAHA

Annabeth: *~*

Percy: don’t be awkward. We can hug. I’m your friend.

Annabeth: I saw the Fates snip your life thread dumbass

Grover your polite ass bean

Gabe you ABSOLUTE ASS

Ares actor is a fun time.

Grover… endearing himself to Ares??

THRILL RIDE OF LOVE HAHAHHA

AB: I’m gonna be weird

PJ: me too

The early Percabeth is Percabeth-ing

WHAT IS LOVE?!?!?

Seaweed Brain is coming. I know it. I can sense it. Deep in my bones.

Ohhhh noooo let’s not sit in the chair.

“I hate my own kids” damn aight sure

Ares is giving grouchy jock brother

“People see what they wanna see and don’t like what doesn’t fit into their preconceived notions” who you talking to, huh, Ares???

Groverrrrrr what’s your angle hereeee

I WAS WRONG ON ALL ACCOUNTS WE HAVE A SEAWEED BRAIN DROP SHE SAID THE THING SHE SAID IT

“This is not the Arch, Seaweed Brain” AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

NOT HIM GIVING RIPTIDE FOR REAL AND STILL MAKING THE SACRIFICE PLAY

That speech. The desperation in their eyes and voices. Jfc if this isn’t Percabeth then idk what could be.

“Can you promise me something?”

“I won’t leave the Underworld without your mom”

“Thank you. I was gonna say, after the quest was done, you could swing back here and try to get me out of this thing?”

“You think you had to ask?”

“Just making sure”

LITERALLY WHAT IS THIS ALL THESE SOFT GAZES HOLY SHIT

“I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m-“ JUST KILL ME DEAD WHY DONT YOU

AND ANNABETH IMMEDIATELY TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO BREAK IT

TIMOTHY ODMUNSSEN

HEPHAESTUS

WELL. That whole scene went drastically different from the books but you know what. Imma say it. That was a SOLID change. Hephaestus our clunky crafty man. You’re gonna bring us Leo some day.

Percy has fully convinced Annabeth that the gods suck and should do better.

Percy “fucking fight me” Jackson squaring up against the God of War. Don’t we love itttt. Also you miss the monologue of Ares’s aura naturally encouraging aggressive emotions so this was a good way to show it bc Percy gets real bold in challenging a god in this moment but also he’s always been the type.

Making Ares extra obnoxious helps too

Grover my love, I love you. You lil detective bean!!

[melefim]

Swearing in Dead Boy Detectives: Episode 4- The Case of the Lighthouse Leapers

Episode Overview:

29 total, 14 different words said by 8 characters.

Edwin: 1 Damn

Charles: 1 Fuck, 1 Shit, 1 Hell, 2 Bloody, 1 Bloody Hell, 1 Wanker, 1 Sod

Crystal: 2 Fuck, 1 Shit, 1 Ass, 2 Hell, 1 God, 1 Jesus

Jenny: 1 Fuck, 4 Hell, 2 Jesus, 1 Screw

Tabby Cat: 1 Fuck

Calico Cat: 1 Whore

Dagfinn: 1 Damn

Charles’ ‘Friend’: 1 Tosser

Curses Per Character:

Edwin: 1

Charles: 8

Crystal: 8

Jenny: 8

Tabby Cat: 1

Calico Cat: 1

Dagfinn: 1

Charles’ ‘Friend’: 1

Uses Per Word:

Fuck: 5

Shit: 2

Ass: 1

Damn: 2

Hell: 7

Bloody: 2

Bloody Hell: 1

God: 1

Jesus: 3

Whore: 1

Wanker: 1

Tosser: 1

Screw: 1

Sod: 1

Lines:

Jenny: Jesus! Okay, what the hell is this?

Crystal: Sorry, I've just been dealing with some shitty stuff with my ex.

Jenny: A. Go to hell. B. It's none of your business. And C. It's not even a big deal, so just… go to school.

Jenny: Ok, so you're what? You're just, you're not gonna leave until I explain this even though it's private and go the fuck away?

Jenny: Screw the past, you can be anybody you want. Hell, maybe you can even be somebody with a bank account.

Charles: Sod it. Can't spy on people without a spyglass, can I?

Dagfinn: I need someone to get these damn ghosts out of my lighthouse

Charles: Bloody cats. You all right, mate?

Edwin: Now, unless you have more damnable spells, I should go. I have a case to solve.

Charles: I've had enough of secrets about that wanker.

Charles: What the bloody hell is down there?

Crystal: God, it's driving me crazy.

Crystal: What in the hell was that?

Crystal: Jesus, she thought about it too, like she definitely knew something and then it was just riddle.

Jenny: Who the hell are you?

Jenny: Wait, why am I upstairs? And why am I taking to myself? Jesus, Jenny

Calico Cat: You’re such a whore.

Tabby Cat: Fuck off. The kid had a sardine.

Crystal; You fucked with my head, I'm gonna fuck with yours.

Charles’ ‘Friend’: He surfaced! You tosser!

Charles: I'm also bloody angry.

Charles: Every day, I'm fucking smiling.

Charles: I sure as hell couldn't stop my dad from beating the shit out of me.

Crystal: Niko- thanks for like, saving my ass today.

Crystal: And I am tired of riddles and spirits and demons and not being any closer to finding out who the hell I am.

Notes:

Previously on Dead Boy Detectives…

Shown in this episode’s recap but not counted above:

Edwin: What the bloody hell is this? (Episode 2)

Updates:

- Added in calico cat’s ‘whore’, updated counts and charts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

More Dead Boy Detectives Swearing Posts:

Masterlist

Swearing by Episode

Swearing by Character

Swearing by Word

All Swearing Posts

And if you like lists of things like I do, you can check out my other Dead Boy Detectives ones here!

When Charles’ Shirt Colors Change

George Rextrew’s Edwin comic inspo board

Full soundtrack with timestamps

Moves, Incidents, and Cases Masterlist

First pass at finding where the songs in the score are used- full post with timestamps in progress

[many-gay-magpies]

5 9 14

thank you for asking friend!! this ask game is super fun, i ended up saying a lot more than i anticipated hehe

5. favorite case

honestly i think my favorite case and case EPISODE in the show may be the case of the two dead dragons, just because of the huge interpersonal element of it? like, there's so many people they interact with throughout the case that make it so interesting, and each of the characters—shelby, maren, and richie, but ESPECIALLY shelby and maren—feel like such complicated, well-rounded characters with extremely understandable motivations and stories. not to mention, how the characters bring up such interesting conflicts in the main cast!

if we're talking favorite cases as far as the mythical/magical element goes, i love the case of the lighthouse leapers! the idea of a creature like angie is always super fascinating to me. but favorite case in terms of intrigue and watching enjoyment has to be two dead dragons <3

9. favorite magical creature

man that's a tough one. i think probably angie? for one, i love the name we are given to refer to her is angie, but like i said before i just really love this kind of creature. i love bug scary nautical-themed mythical creatures; just something about them and how they intertwine with the intense, mercurial, and dangerous nature of the ocean. i also love how the resolution was to put her to sleep (literally), not kill her—she's just a gal that needs to eat!! god forbid a woman sustain herself. OH AND ALSO i find it fascinating and cool that angie gets woken up by the storm; the detail of there being a storm in the case of devlin house, the episode right before angie appears, makes everything feel super cohesive and tied together!

14. plotline i'd put into season 2/any future season

i've talked about this in a post before and it's less of a plot i'd put into a season and more a plot i feel is basically inevitably going to be explored next season, but i really am excited to see crystal work through who she used to be now that she has her memories back, deal with all the messiness from that, and figure out what it means for her now. i want to see the kinds of people she was around and how she deals with them, and i want to see her go deeper into the ancestral nature of her power! like, does her mom have any psychic power or does it skip generations? what was crystal's childhood like? what are some relationships she maybe had with other ghosts (since, at least judging from her relationship with emma, those seem to have been very different and maybe a little more sincere than her relationships with other living humans)

on a way more self-indulgent note, i think it could be really cool to have some more explicit aromantic rep in niko, whether that's a whole episode plotline dedicated to it or just a lack of a romantic relationship for her + heavier hinting/evidence in her dialogue and such that she doesn't experience that like everyone else.

ask me dead boy detectives questions!

[madamedevil]

Thank you @manicpixiedreamedwins for tagging me to share a WIP! Here’s a snippet of the next chapter of my accidentally-wished-Alive-Boy-Detectives S1 AU:

“Try me,” Jenny says flatly.

Crystal grimaces again, then takes a deep breath. “Alright, you want the truth? I’m psychic. I can read people’s minds, and I can make them think things. Up until about three hours ago, my friends were ghosts who’ve been dead for decades, but a shapeshifting cat god gave Charles a magic bracelet that granted Charles’ wish to be alive again—“

Charles cuts her off with a noise of frustration. “I didn’t wish for this. I didn’t ask for anything. That whiskered muppet tricked me.”

Crystal rolls her eyes. “Okay. Fine—the shapeshifting cat god tricked Charles into wishing him and Edwin back to life—“

Charles huffs again. “That’s not what happened!”

“—and that’s why Charles sounds and acts like a fucking alien,” Crystal continues, ignoring him. “But if you think he’s weird you better buckle up for Edwin, because he’s like a haunted Victorian doll possessed by the bitchiest spirit ever, and now he’s probably doped up on modern opioids. He’s going to be a nightmare.”

Jenny gives her a long, blank look following this rushed explanation. “Oh, so you’re all crazy,” she finally says. “Okay.”

This account is still pretty brand-spanking-new and I feel like I’ve barely dipped a toe in this fandom, so huge apology to the handful of people following me but I don’t know who’s a writer/artist 😭 If you happen to see this pls accept it as a tag from me and let me know if you post a WIP of your own 🖤 I’d love to see it 🖤

[edwinspaynes]

Hey friend how has your summer been!

How’s it kicking?

What have you been reading?

What’s ur current Roman Empire?

Any newly added Shadowhunter art you’ve newly added?

What are you currently into?

What books are you reading / rereading?

Any thoughts you have that domain your brain? Cultural zeitgeist or shadowhunter related? Maybe even only olympics related?

Has your copy of Kickstarter book one arrived yet (mine hasn’t 😭)?

I’m making up for lost time as you can see, my mentals are finally stabilised. It’s been a hard two months 🤭♥️

Love u and can’t wait to hear what the it-girl of shadowhunters is consuming🎨

HI!!!! OMG I HAVE MISSED YOU!!!!!!

I'm the it-girl of Shadowhunters? That feels like a heavy responsibility to bestow on any one person! But thanks. I do love me some TSC and especially some fine ol' TLH. Please more TLH. I want to be fed TLH.

Summer's going well, I'm mostly really deeply in my Dead Boy Detectives hyperfixation. That's not going anywhere and I don't want it to. I'm obsessed with Edwin and Charles, they're my guys and they're special to me like the TLH characters are.

You'll be happy to know that I also read the Dead Boy Detectives comics, both the original Toby Litt run and the 2022 Sandman Presents reboot. This was rather a first for me as I usually don't like Marvel or DC comics (mostly I don't like superheroes, though, so. No hate/shade to them, they're just not my thing.) Anyway, I didn't like the comics as much as I like the Netflix show, but I did enjoy them a lot and am glad I purchased them. It makes me incredibly happy to see Edwin and Charles together and loving each other in literally every universe.

Hmmm.... Roman Empire is currently the Matthew novella. All of the snippets we've gotten are absolutely God-tier, and I LOVE the art:

Like COME ON. He's perfect.

God, I love Matthew SO MUCH. I'm hoping to work on a couple of fics starring him soon (a Thomastair fic feat. Matthew and a MatthewThomas friendship fic with Sophideon.) I want to finish my next Payneland week fic first, but maybe then I'll give one of those a whirl. I think the latter will be pretty long, though, so it might not go up for a while!

I've been reading a lot of random books lately. My most recent read that I LOVE and regularly think about is The God and the Gumiho. It was so well-crafted, likeable characters, and SUPER rich worldbuilding. Standalone, bittersweet ending, wonderfully colourful, highly recommend.

5 thoughts currently in my brain:

Hngggg tea. Yum yum tea. Want more tea. Tea is good. Tea is delightful. Hnggggg tea.

WHAT WILL MATTHEW AND HIS LOVE INTEREST'S DYNAMIC BE LIKE????

Charles taking care of Edwin in orb form

I'm going to Japan! Wheee!

M A T T H E W N O V E L L A

I don't watch the Olympics, I'm sorry. 85% because I don't care about them, 15% because I think they should have banned Israel and fuck them for not banning Israel.

AND. MY KICKSTARTER BOX HAS NOT SHIPPED. I AM SAD.

How about you!?!!!