#this may be full of comma splices

[aspd-culture]

But aspd-culture, what "causes" ASPD?

Well, that's hard to say as it is commonly a mix of nature and nurture, and we can't say for sure "this set of things will cause ASPD". I can, however, explain some serious risk factors that, if you relate to them and have this disorder, may have been a part of why you developed it.

TW for heavy topics, as you might have guessed.

Just a heads up that, if you have the disorder, this one is gonna be a rough read. A lot of things that you were told throughout your childhood should be "normal" and maybe that you even thought were helping you are gonna pop up here as things that heavily increase the chances of ASPD, and we're not just talking about abuse and neglect, though of course that is the first one I'm gonna get into because it's the most obvious and well-known risk factor. Do expect some other information you might not have been ready to hear, though.

So the first one, as I said, is maltreatment as a child. This can include many kinds of abuse, including verbal, emotional, physical, sexual, etc. There are some reasons to believe that sexual abuse in particular, especially long-term sexual abuse, significantly increases the chance of developing ASPD.

The next is neglect, which also comes with a significant risk of developing ASPD, especially if the neglect is related to both the emotional and physical needs of a child. If the child experiences neglect in regards to needs such as food, hygiene, shelter, medical care, etc, but does not experience emotional neglect, the risk of developing ASPD appears to be somewhat less than if the child experiences both.

Maltreatment and neglect before the age of 18 months is especially significant when it comes to risk of developing ASPD. Not greeting an infant, not properly showing emotion and "appropriate affect" to an infant, and in particular a lack of attachment from their mother (either due to her literally being absent or just emotionally absent and disconnected) during the first 18 months of life are less commonly thought of forms of neglect that seriously affect secure attachment and increase the risk of ASPD.

The third and last of the "expected" answers to this question is witnessing intimate partner violence during childhood, especially regularly or across multiple partners. This shows the child two things: one is a fear of the aggressor as well a need to tiptoe around someone who should be a secure caregiver to avoid danger, and the second is a disbelief that the victim of the violence is able to protect them from danger, either because they appear weak (children are supposed to believe until a surprising age that their parents are superhero levels of strong and unable to be intimidated or weakened) in the eyes of the child, or because the child does not want to bother them with their issues when they already have their own abuse to deal with. This is especially true in cases where the child successfully controls the violence where the adult cannot (think those kids who use themselves as human shields because the abuser doesn't dare touch the child for various reasons), as it makes them feel they are responsible for protecting both themself and their caregiver, which disrupts normal attachment.

Here's where we get to the less obvious, more specific stuff that can lead to ASPD. There are multiple studies showing that an excess of television (I know, but hear me out bc this isn't about violence on tv), specifically when it is being used as a stand-in parent, significantly increases risk of developing ASPD even when other factors are controlled. As someone with ASPD, I can 100% see how this is valid. I used television to try and understand what normal people were like, and in turn, I experience a weird type of affective "empathy" when shown emotions in the over-acted way that they do on sitcoms, even though I do not experience that empathy when shown normally expressed emotions either on tv or in real life.

It also makes sense to me because generally when TV becomes a stand-in parent, the child is watching other children be cared for in ways that they are not in real life. The child may then be led to believe (as I was) that caring about other people is something made up for TV, since that's the only time they see it. Once the brain develops the understanding of fantasy vs reality, if TV is the only time that a child sees secure attachment styles, loving and attentive caregivers, etc, the brain may falsely place that in the fantasy category. That can lead to the thought processes and attachment issues that are typical of pwASPD, including feeling as though only they can be trusted to look out for themselves, that irl relationships are supposed to be transactional vs emotional, etc. So if you, like I did, attempted to watch sitcoms and such like Full House, Boy Meets World, etc. as a way of understanding what a normal family is supposed to be like or to understand how people are supposed to interact with each other, it is very possible that that was a contributing factor to the development of your ASPD.

Another somewhat surprising one: show of hands on how many pwASPD grew up hearing "it's just a joke", "you have no sense of humor", and "lighten up, we're just teasing you" - either from other kids, caregivers, or both?

Teasing is believed to be another major factor in developing ASPD. Teasing can cause a child to feel insecure, unsafe, and attacked when coming from people the child does not have a secure attachment to, and can decrease chances of the child developing that secure attachment later. This is especially true if the teasing came from caregivers, and of course has a higher chance of affecting the child if they attempt to set boundaries around it and aren't respected in that. This leads to the child feeling attacked by the people they are supposed to go to for comfort, and the more people who tease the child, the more likely the child is to feel unsafe around people as a whole - leading to the mindset that all people are dangerous and that the only person the child can trust is themselves. This teasing also causes self-imposed isolation as a way of feeling secure, which reinforces again that people are inherently unsafe and the only person the child can trust is themself. So if you tried to communicate your distress, discomfort, etc. about being teased and were dismissed, especially by your caregivers, then that significantly increased the chance that you would go on to develop ASPD.

One that is currently debated as to if it is a factor or not is the presence of an overprotective mother, specifically if that over-protectiveness became a point of contention between you two as you became more independent. It's surprising because a major characteristic of children who develop ASPD is independence, and most hold the belief that only they will protect them, but the reasoning is sound imo. The reason for this one, from those who believe it is associated with ASPD, is that when a child goes through the normal process of asserting independence, if they are met with either fear tactics as a form of control or heavy anxiety from their maternal figure, the child learns to be insecure, anxious, and obsessive about protecting themselves because they are being taught that the world is not safe/that they are not capable enough to explore that world. This can lead to an overblown expectation of the danger in the real world and leads to anxiety and distress around outside people. This anxiety and nervousness about the world can lead to the child seeing everyone and everything else as a threat, a mindset that is commonly associated with ASPD. If that anxiety is later disproven (as it inevitably will be unless the child experiences significant trauma - itself a risk factor for ASPD), this causes a rift in the attachment to the caregivers in question, and can make the child distrust their judgement and ability to assess risk, which again affects how safe the child feels with them. This is especially true if the connection to their caregivers is weakened by inconsistency, abuse, neglect, or other factors.

Any inconsistent behavior from caregivers, in fact, is another risk factor for developing ASPD. Children need to be able rely on consistency and routine to feel secure and develop normally. If they are constantly uncertain of how safe they may be with one or both caregivers, they are more likely to learn the idea that the only person they can rely on is themself.

Note that all of this is based on the current scientific understanding of ASPD's development, which deals significantly in both stigmatized and entirely false beliefs about the disorder. However, I focused here on points that made sense to me as someone with it, and did my best to explain how these contribute to ASPD through that lens in addition to the potentially biased medical lens. Our understanding of psychology in general is always changing, but these are some risk factors that are commonly believed at the time of writing to increase the chances of developing ASPD.

Also worth noting is that all of these factors do not need to be present to have ASPD develop. These factors significantly increase the risk of developing ASPD, especially when combined with a genetic component, but I am in no way claiming that you have to have all or even any of these to have ASPD.

I hope this helped you understand this disorder and the people with it a bit better. If you know someone with ASPD, maybe this can help you process why they hold the beliefs they do, and if you have ASPD and feel comfortable, feel free to show or explain some of this to your friends if you think it may help them understand where you're coming from a bit more.

A lot of the stigma, I think, comes from the fact that people don't get what we went through that led our brain to believe our antisocial traits were the best way to protect ourselves. For some, a little more light shed on that subject may be all they need to be more compassionate about it. And if you went into this with a negative outlook on pwASPD, I understand. It's easy in the world we're in to end up with that thought process. I appreciate you reading this far and ask you to read just a bit further to the end.

Try if you can to imagine what it's like to be a kid who has been through more than most adults have in their entire life and gotten so little help that that little child believes no one in the world protects anybody else. Imagine what kind of a world we were picturing growing up in because at the time, that was all we had ever seen. It would be horrifying, right? Even worse than the already pretty sucky world we currently live in. Imagine being a child and thinking that every other kid is going through the same stuff you are at home and handling it so much better. And for some, imagine knowing that some don't or that they get help, but not knowing why your life is different. Would you want to live in that world? Would you be able to keep the innocent, childlike wonder? Would you not be angry and hurt and confused as to why you didn't deserve the help and the life other kids get? Many of us lived thinking that from painfully early ages.

Is it so far-fetched for us to think we needed to protect ourselves if everyone was like the sample size of people we had met? Is it so shocking, then, that our subconscious thought that the traits we have now would be the only way to keep us safe? Is it really that surprising that a child so rarely, if ever shown kindness and empathy, might grow up not knowing how to replicate that for other people?

Most of us looked down the barrel of a proverbial (for some of us, literal) g*n as a toddler to young child, so we put on a vest. How were we supposed to know that other children had never felt that unsafe? How were we supposed to know that someone was supposed to help us when they never did?

Just food for thought. Thanks for reading.

[cursedcola]

Prompt: "Will You Marry Me?" - Proposal Headcannons Characters: Everyone :) Part(s): Heartslabyul, Savanaclaw, Octavinelle, Scarabia(Here!), Pomefiore, Ignihyde, Diasomnia(Pt.1)(Pt.2) Fandom: Twisted Wonderland Warning(s): None. I mean, unless you don't want to marry any of them. Just don't read if that's the case. Note: There may be some comma splicing here and there. Sometimes doing bullet works is more difficult than full fics smh.

Kalim is a dreamer. His mind is full of visions of the past, present, and the future. Why else do we make memories, if not to reflect on them and imagine what is to come?

This is his outlook on life. He doesn't give energy to worries or threats. He physically can't, or else he'd likely fall into an endless abyss of self-doubt. Kalim has no space in his heart for such things.

His happy-go-lucky attitude combined with this free spirit results in a loose lip. He is constantly ranting and raving about his future by your side. Which is lovely, but his over-zealous behavior can cause others not to take him seriously.

Exhibit A: Kalim proposing. Now, is this Kalim *actually* planning to propose, or is it just him beginning his weekly rant about how cute he thinks your kids will look?

Kalim's heart is an open book. He doesn't care about other people's opinions. He loves you, so he's going to say it. Every. Single. Day.

Can you blame his siblings for not believing him? For his parents not taking him seriously? He comes home one random day and spouting a tangent to begin preparing for an engagement party which just sounds like common Kailm behavior.

Not even Jamil believes him. Not after countless years of hearing Kalim's lovesick Jargen. He just groans in exhaustion and signals for everyone to ignore it.

Sweet sunshine doesn't realize that he is being overlooked until he whips out a ring to ask his mother's opinion on it, and suddenly the room is drop dead silent.

Then uproar. All his siblings are crowding around to share his excitement and it's like the room's aura made a complete change. Kalim thrives in the attention and all the well wishes.

He hopes they'll be just as happy once you say yes! If not more!

.....cue Jamil's groan. Again. This time in frustration.

They should have know. Of course he would do all this before asking.

Bless you for your patience. With his parents' blessing, Kalim once again gets wrapped up in his excitement and runs off to visit you.

Moving on. This...overzealous...behavior Kalim exhibits does not only apply to his family and friends.

My dear, he has proposed many times to you in casual conversation. Dreaming of a big wedding with a feast to serve hundreds. He displays tooth-rotting infatuation to you on a daily basis.

Kalim sends flowers and fruit baskets to your home weekly. He cherishes you like you've been dating for months, not years. The man is stuck in the puppy love stage but for him it isn't a 'stage'. It's simply how he will always be. The spark has not dimmed. He still hums as he knocks on your door, bouncing on the balls of his feet, and shoves his shoes off with super speed to tackle you in a hug.

Get it?

This is why you are not taken aback by the rapid knocking on your door. Kalim stopping by on impulse just to see you is not rare. Although, he normally would send a plethora of texts while on his way.

Even so. You don't hesitate to dry your hands from cleaning dishes, and speed walk to the door. You can hear his shoes tap against the outdoor floor in anticipation, and swing the door open with a smile.

On the other side, is Kalim down on one knee with a hand aimed to knock again. When he sees you, the largest grin spreads on his face. You don't even get to question why he is on the ground-

"Marry Me!"

Used to his excitable greetings, you laugh heartily and throw the dishrag in your hand over your shoulder. "Mhm. Mhm. I missed you too," comes out between chuckles, as you turn around so he can let himself in. You miss the way his face falls and his lips purse, before he grabs your wrist and yanks. You twirl and stumble forward, catching yourself on the door frame, hunched over with your wrist still in his grasp.

Kalim is resolute, and you can't help but gawk as he pulls out a ring wrapped in a gold, silk handkerchief from his pocket

"Marry Me," he says again, this time more firm. His ruby hues lock with yours, and he looks both at and through you at the same time, "I love you. I want you. Only you,"

He says no more. There is a lifetime for flourishes, but right now Kalim only wants you to know what is in his heart.

When you don't back away, he slips the ring over your finger. His heart hammers in his chest in a mix of jubilation and happiness. Not a moment later you are in his arms, tackled to the ground in the doorway of your home. Kisses being peppered up your arms from your ring finger to your lips.

{A bright pink diamond sits amidst a sunburst cut, and is surrounded by other pure diamonds on a silver band. The biggest expression of wealth and devotion. This ring costs enough to make you feint, but is chosen with purpose. Many say Kalim is like the sun. Yet in his eyes, you are his sun. There is no comparison. Only fact. Pink diamonds symbolize love, creativity, and romance. You are his sun, with all his love residing at the core. Also, it’s just really shiny}

If mystery was embodied in a man, it would be Jamil. You never know what is going on in Jamil's mind. Sometimes he slips. Rarely. If you can fluster him enough or find him when he hasn't slept in days. Otherwise Jamil is a brick wall when it comes to his true emotions.

Especially when it comes to you. He has always been exceedingly careful. He is still careful. He takes no chances, but he loves your game. The way you can pick him apart, and how he always has to be one step ahead. It’s challenging. It’s exciting. It’s love.

You see how he holds back. That he reigns himself in. In the few years you have spent at his side, you've learned to read him in ways that other people cannot. There are times when you get to see him become overcome with passion. When he is dancing, or when he is broom racing with his dormmates. When he is cooking a new dish or haggling prices on shopping trips.

When he confessed his feelings. It was the greatest surprise since being transported to a new universe. You had no idea how he felt. Not an inkling. Had he not said anything….well, you may have gone your entire time at NRC believing your affections were unrequited. He had no tells. Permitted none for himself.

On one hand, his ability to dilute his emotions has created many opportunities for surprises. Getting to see those little moments of passion; being one. Each action of his has a meaning that only you understand. Every glance as you pass in the halls, the brush of his fingers against yours as you sit together to study, being allowed to braid his hair even if it’s just to “keep you quiet”, all his little quips and murmurs being whispered into your ear instead of under his breath.

On the other hand, there are still barriers. Some closed tightly and no matter how hard you search for a key - there isn’t one. It was broken a long time ago and only Jamil himself can remanufacture it. Sometimes his resilience makes it hard to tell what he is planning…which can be lonely.

In your final year at NRC, many things are uncertain. This place is all you have ever known in Twisted Wonderland. With it being taken away…you do not have a floor to stand on. On the other hand, Jamil looks fine, if not *eager*, to graduate. Neither of you addressed what would become of your relationship after graduating. Jamil had thought of it, no doubt. He thinks of everything. You had as well, but were afraid to ask. When it came to the future, Jamil was always so resolute. He knew his path in life and planned to continue carving it.

The question hanging in the air being if you’d be chiseling alongside him, or in a different direction. Unknown to you, Jamil had this problem solved long before you began to wonder - and he was one step ahead. As always.

A ring. Unassuming and in plain sight, sat on the rim of the windowsill above the kitchen sink. How did it get there? You do not know, but it caught your attention as you cleaned up from breakfast. The morning sun glistened against the band, and you carefully picked it up to twirl between your fingers.

An engagement ring, but whose?

“Well, are you going to put it on or just stare at it?”

You jump and nearly drop the ring in the kitchen sink. In the reflection of the window you see Jamil, leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed and his classic unamused deadpan. At your silence, he pushes off and comes to take the ring

“Last time I take advice from - ,” he grumbles and you miss the rest of it, too distracted with how he plucks the ring from your grasp, and holds your hand more gently than you ever thought he could. He stares down at it, content, and surprised you yet again with his tender touch“hmm…it fits. Good”

It slips on your finger smoothly, and he lifts your hand to wave in your face. This time, an unspoken communication passes between you. A promise that you are going to have a lifetime to pick apart those little mannerisms of his - and that he wants you to. He loves this game of secrets just as much as you do.

“Be my spouse. Go where I go, and we’ll be fine. Together….I can’t handle if you’re not near. I’ll lose my hair, do you want that? Want me to go bald?…come with me. You are the one happiness that I refuse to sacrifice,”

{ Rose gold with a floral cut and black gemstone accents. Jamil’s ring is small, unassuming, yet the closer you look the lore detail you will see carved into the gold band. You will note the little gems, upholding the core. Some pure as the ring’s heart and others a sharp contrast - drawing attention to the center. Jamil’s ring is somehow both modest and bold at the same time. A reflection of the giver}

[breath-of-eternity]

Introduction

It's been a while so I figured I should update this.

You can call me Em, writeblr who is absolutely terrible at writing about herself. I love getting lost in fantasy worlds, and when I write them, they’re usually in a modern fantasy setting, full of too many characters, and way too many comma splices that I’m not getting rid of.

Awakening: Knights Of Eternity

Four immortal warriors, created to protect the world from dangers both magical and human, awaken in a world beyond anything they ever imagined.

Magic is dead, and technology has risen in its place, so was it random chance that roused them from their slumber, or is there a purpose for them in this strange world after all?

Part I now complete.

Reckoning: Knights Of Eternity

After an impossible loss leaves the Knights shattered, and while they may approach gods in their power, they are still very much human in their desire for vengeance.

They spent thousands of years eradicating magic, but now someone threatens to revive what they have banished. The world is on the brink of a change they should be guiding it through, if only the three remaining Knights can reconcile their grief with their new existence.

Last

My Tumblr-exclusive story about a young woman’s survival during the last days of humanity on Earth.

In the distant future, Amaia is the last of her people, desperately trying to live in a world ravaged by alien monsters when the planet has been stripped of technology (find links under the cut).

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

[silverjojo08]

On video games and writing and Fire Emblem Engage

Mainly just me musing about how I don't think the story is bad. Sorry for being annoying tbh. This is meant for my personal circle of mutuals, but maybe other people can get something out of it. Please be nice to me; I am not a professional reviewer and don't claim to be writing anything objective or anything lol. I'm also not really editing heavily for grammar or anything (if anything I try to keep a bit of order structurally but I love a comma splice idk lol).

This piece has gone through many versions in my head as I try to nail down exactly what puzzles me about the perception of the writing as being "bad".

Initially I think I was going to do a full plot breakdown and point out how logically every moment fits together and how foreshadowing + late reveals enhances certain previous moments. As I write this down, I don't think that I'll be doing that here. I almost considered a deep dive into the themes of motherhood and found family presented in the game. Not sure I'm going to do that either. At one point I also considered fully getting into common complaints (particularly some brought up from one of my folks who I deeply respect, Mr. Forte himself), but also I don't think I'll really do that.

So, what am I writing here? Maybe it's a mix of all of the above. Maybe it is none of the above. I don't really know. But I do want to talk about how this game just really vibes for me; and while I don't intend on necessarily changing anyone's mind, I want to at least provide some perspective on why I personally enjoy it so that others can understand my perspective at the very least.

Perhaps I will succeed in that. Perhaps I will fail. Let's find out together. (Again I'm doing like very minimal editing. Please excuse grammatical errors/typos. If anything is unclear, ask and I'll try to clarify. But I'm bad at tumblr so either tweet at me or send it through an ask please.)

Prologue: Who? What? Why?

To start, I'm in my early 30s. The video game that made me love video games was Super Mario RPG, and my earliest gaming memories include me watching my dad beat up the robot evil Santa at the end (also him playing some NBA game on SNES). FE games I have played start to finish: 8 (Ephraim), 11, 12, 13, 14 (all 3), 15, 16 (all routes), and 17. FE games I have played a bit of but didn't finish for various reasons (mainly I got distracted and forgor 💀): 1, 4, 5, 7, and 9. None of this actually matters that much, but maybe there's a generational and/or fandom divide of some sort and this provides useful context.

I am not a writer by trade nor hobby. Writing is actually one of my least favorite things to do (this is potentially related to OCD brain "just right" stuff), to the point where I chose my college major specifically based on which had the least amount of classes that I could actually complete without having to write essays. I am a math person. I do like consuming and dissecting written fiction though.

This piece is meant to be mostly explanatory. I want to give my perspective as best I can. I decided other writing styles would be too combative for what amounts to something we're consume for enjoyment. I just want to pass on some understanding of how I feel.

I think the best way to do this is generally avoid spoilers, but I will include a specifically marked section where I discuss all spoilery things that come to mind (anything that I intend to come back to in this spoiler section will be marked with a *). Any non-FE games mentioned will not be spoiled beyond kind of a general "a reveal happened in a way that bugged me" type of stuff, if even that is a concern here's a list of the games vaguely mentioned so you can crtl+f: Tales of Zestiria, AI The Somnium Files: Nirvana Initiative, Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney - Dual Destinies. It all happens within two paragraphs, so you can just skip them if needed.

(Also I may accidentally use he/him pronouns for Alear because M Alear was the one I played with first, but I do generally think of FE avatars as the same being regardless of gender and try to use they/them when speaking to things both versions experience, which is like everything besides the hair colors being flipped and class options?)

Chapter I: What Is "Bad Writing" To Me?

Ok if you're reading this I assume you are at least in high school, and for that reason I'm not going to walk anyone through that level of analysis. In no way is this meant to be a lecture and I'm not trying to give any particularly deep literary analysis. That feels kind of like a pretentious thing to do in this situation.

So, bad writing? To me the biggest thing I consider bad writing is when an idea is not communicated well. This could be contradictory messaging, poor delivery, puzzling execution, etc. Obviously this can happen to various degrees of "bad", but I will not consider a story to have bad writing unless the writing breaks the experience in some way.

A broken experience is not the same to me as a negative one. To me a negative experience is just a matter of taste in the end and not a matter of "bad writing". Boring writing is not the same as bad writing even if it makes the experience painful. A broken experience has to be bad to the point where you just do not understand what they were attempting at all.

One game that comes to mind on this is Tales of Zestiria. I loved the characters in that game, and the main story itself is largely logical. But it was written so messily that there's a point where it becomes truly incoherent. To this day I have no idea what was going on with Dezel and Rose's personal histories despite a major climax of that game being built around the moment things get revealed for them. Again, it was overall a fun game, but it was definitely one I would claim had some bad writing.

Another situation that comes to mind that can be a spark for bad writing is when a reveal sours previous experiences. Misleading an audience can work really well in some ways. Ace Attorney 5 (Dual Destinies) has a reveal that has made me not want to replay it at all, but I don't believe the reveal is poorly done. Conversely, Somnium Files 2 (Nirvana Initiative) had one reveal that invalidates a significant part of the playing experience in a way that's hard to describe without going any further, but I think playing with audience expectations can only go so far until you make the audience feel like you've stolen part of the joy of the playing experience by severing an emotional connection.

I've been trying to describe this all in objective terms, but obviously it is very subjective. It's totally a "I know it when I see it" thing in the end. This section might be pointless. I don't know.

(There were too many blocks of text so look at Alfred; he's so nice and funny and good. I will give him the pact ring every time I play as M Alear lol.)

Chapter II: What about Fire Emblem Engage?

I guess this is kind of my point. I don't understand how any of this is applicable to it. The plot is fairly simple especially to start. You go from point A to point B with plenty of easy to follow narrative. Characters behave in logical and understandable ways. There's nothing functionally "wrong" with the story.

I think there are some pacing issues with the last stretch of chapters in that things happen too quickly for the player to properly respond even though the concepts are cool*. There's a lot of infodumps in these last chapters too that feel a little misplaced*. I agree that the tea supports (and shared gimmicks in general among certain groups of characters) are a bit overwhelming to unlock in succession. The DLC sucks* and only small parts of it truly add to the main story's narrative. There's the usual Fire Emblem incest and pedophilia grossness trying to peek its head through*. It's not a perfect game by any means.

I think I need to break up overall story discussion and character usage discussion, so I'm going to do that right now. If you've read to this point you generally get my point maybe on why the writing works fine for me and can stop here if you don't want a full peek into the deepest and most illogical recesses of my mind?

If you're not stopping here, together we ride or something idk did the title for this song come from Smash? Whatever.

Chapter III: The Story

***SPOILER WARNING, SKIP TO THE NEXT PART IF YOU WANT TO AVOID SPOILERS***

Alright so I lied when I said I wouldn't go into this fully dissecting the plot or other people's criticisms. I'll do that a little bit here.

The biggest moment of "controversy" I think that happens early on is the loss of Lumera. What I've seen is that many people feel it didn't land well with them due to the game having not built up the relationship all that well. And I intellectually get that perspective. If a story beat doesn't land well to you then I can't tell anyone they're wrong for feeling a particular way about things. But while I understand people may feel this way, I truly do not understand that viewpoint. That we don't know Lumera is kind of the point. Alear also doesn't know her well at that moment. You're supposed to feel like it came too suddenly and is weird for it. The full gravity of the moment is not clear until later on in the game, and I think it was executed very well because the entire game revolves around this specific concept of chosen motherhood and family.

But maybe I'm moving too quickly. Backing up a bit, another criticism of this early game situation is I've seen people say they don't "have reason to care" how Alear is feeling this early on. And like, I truly don't know how to help you with that. When I start a game I generally don't start at 0 waiting for the game to make me care about the main character. I am already on their side and hoping for the best for them? I went in mainly thinking Alear looked goofy but like a nice kid who deserved nice things and the game did build well on it for me.

I think there are some questions on the nature of the emblems and the rings that go somewhat unanswered. There's a lack of clarity on how the rings function, and how stealing the rings after winning a battle works. Given that we see them levitate at numerous times, I suspect that is mostly the answer. But I do understand if that's a point of contention for some since it's not directly clarified.

The emblems are similarly somewhat explained as kind of heroic essence put to form, which genuinely is enough of an answer to me. But I do understand some may find that lacking. There are also many issues with the writing of the emblems which I sympathize with especially as a comic book fan who hates it when my faves are misrepresented in other titles. That's a genuine flaw that could have been corrected by having people working on the script who cared more about accuracy.

The pacing absolutely becomes an issue in the later chapters of the game. The Zephia and Griss death scene is extremely touching and well-written, but to have a scene that long and that complex in that moment of the game is very awkward. It would have been better suited as a Memory Prism type of bonus scene like FE15 had (for several characters there were scenes that added context but did not exactly fit in the main story such as a flashback discussion with Emperor Rudolf). It is necessary to understand the characters, but there's not a truly comfortable place to put it that doesn't seem insane especially given the length. This deeply ties into how I feel about the DLC as well, which is that Good!Zephia/Zelestia gives crucial insight to the effects of positive nurturing and actively choosing to build bonds, which is perhaps the strongest and most important theme of the game. Every instance of chosen family in this game is framed and shown to be a truly critical event for the individuals, as are the instances of chosen neglect. The usage and execution of this theme to me was extremely powerful in execution and just worked without feeling too cringe or forced. It's good stuff. I love love love what they did here, and I say this as a person who has never wanted to be a mother of any sort.

To go on a bit more about this: Griss (and by extension Gregory, but focusing on Griss here for simplicity) and Alear are such strong reflections of one another. There's some obvious aspects like how Griss is visually edgy and Alear is visually bright, Griss is rude and confident while Alear is kind and doubtful, etc. But the strongest comparisons and contrasts between them involve their mothers, and I think it's just incredibly well done. Comparisons include both of them get their sense of fashion from their moms, get their unit classing from their moms, somewhat blindly follow the words of their moms, had terrible upbringings and cling to their moms as their first emotional support, etc. But the contrasts? Oh baby. Zephia adopts Griss because he's a standout while Lumera adopts Alear because they're a failure (by Sombron's measure, not literally). Griss spends years by Zephia's side learning from her while Alear has to mostly guess at what Lumera had planned for them. And perhaps most starkingly: Griss gets to die alongside Zephia while Alear and Lumera are always mourning one another. Griss is such an incredibly well done rival character. It's no wonder he's the one who gets the special cutscene where he reveals the truth to Alear. Forever my GOAT!

Sadly though it's time to switch gears and talk about the DLC: it truly sucks. I said it on twitter after beating it, but I really think that they messed up on anticipating what would be a compelling scenario for the players to play through while also coaxing themselves into a snafu regarding spoilers. There's some good stuff there, but it's almost directly undercut by necessitating that it can be played early in a playthrough before the player has gotten to the revelations about Alear's biological parentage.

The DLC does attempt to carry over the themes of the main game, but without being able to openly acknowledge that these are some of the last of Alear's siblings (even if not by blood exactly) it becomes hollow. The only real payoff on the theming is the Nel and Veyle support chain where even if they aren't sisters in the traditional sense, Veyle is desperate for that kinship as she is so young and has spent so much time alone. It's very touching and something that could have been touched on with Alear as well if only the writers weren't forced to write a detached arc to avoid spoilers.

Yes this is probably where I should get into the alt Alear being the "twin" of the main one. They needed to either go all in with that and have Alear confirmed as sort of a multiversal set of twins or back up off it and confirm that they're only narrative parallels because doing literally all of this and then having Nel have feelings for the other Alear is gross. They did so well avoiding weirdness with Veyle in the main game, and then completely blew it in regards to Nel. It makes no sense you can romantically S support her and invalidates all the themes about family presented to that point if characters who literally share a father and share similar traumas don't find healthy kinship with one another.

But beyond all that, we don't really get to see enough of Nel and "Nil" to be convinced by their dedication to one another especially in comparison to other familial relationships like between the recruitable royals, Four Hounds, and Four Winds. It feels like things are just happening to happen without feeling the gravity of terror that we are told Sombron caused them. Again, the obvious parallel to Alear being forced to fight Veyle purely due to their father's machinations isn't allowed to be explored due to the spoilers thing. Subtlety can be a structurally clever thing, but this doesn't even feel like the DLC writers were aware of that basic fact. This is the only aspect of the whole game that I feel truly misses the mark for me. It feels like a bland copycat of the main game written by someone who only skimmed a wiki article of the main story. I truly really believe they would have been better served making it a proper postgame arc because then maybe the emotional connections could have been fully explored.

I also almost feel as though they'd have been better served writing a story set in the past around red Alear. I understand that would have made it difficult to have playable units from the DLC in the main campaign, but I would have gladly missed out on them if that meant adding to the main universe instead of mostly meaning nothing in the end besides an edgy boy (and I genuinely like Rafal, he's funny) realizing he isn't as edgy as he thought he was.

Back to the main game though. Alear becoming Corrupted and begging their sister to not give up was extremely cool and dangerous and insane in a GOOD way (though again, the cutscenes were somewhat long but long for the sake of the main characters is different than long for side villains). Then you play the actual chapter and nothing truly significant is happening that makes the experience feel noteworthy. I think the design and gameplay are more of a problem with this than the specifics of the writing itself, but both of those generally work to the benefit of storytelling in this game so to have an obviously contradictory moment like that undercuts the drama of the scenario. It's a great idea done in kind of a "just ok" way. Would have been better off omitting that chapter entirely and just jumping to the emblem-izing of Alear immediately. Maybe the writers were just too ambitious with the idea of using the Corrupted for a good reason, and couldn't bear to cut it out? I don't dislike indulgent writing, but I dislike when I can tell the writers are just doing something because they thought it was cool and no one felt like being the one to say "ok this doesn't quite fit".

Another gameplay and storytelling problem is the final boss fight. Bringing back the other final bosses as evil emblems was brilliant, but to not bring them back as recognizable models, not give them their portraits, and not give them their voice lines (and correct me if I'm wrong, but they all have voice actors from their own games or Heroes) made it difficult to identify who was who without looking up their classes online. That really undercut most of the drama in them being used in that battle. I understand this may have all added costs to the game that they maybe didn't want to pay, but that lack of detail made a very cool inclusion feel kind of middling.

And the boss himself? Sombron is actually an interesting dude to me. But again, all his backstory and evil plans probably should have been dumped in a monologue separate from the final battle. I think this is yet another case, similar to the Zephia and Griss scene, that would have worked better as a memory prism than as just a character telling the audience directly in what sort of feels like an inappropriately detailed explanation. I appreciate that they did not force this into being another story centered around multiversal crossovers in a media landscape that is currently overwhelmed by such stories, especially if the "Zero Emblem" hook has no intention of being followed up on. Though arguably that's yet another thing the DLC needlessly complicated. Is there just an infinite number of Sombrons looking for an infinite number of Zero Emblems? Even more proof that the DLC should not have happened as it did.

Last thing worth addressing in detail is the pedophilia that has been sadly very prevalent in the series and arguably emboldened by the introduction of the S support system. Even if one wants to disregard the internal age data, characters like Anna, Jean, and Hortensia should not have been romanceable in any language. I thank the English localization team for scrubbing out most of this and making them as platonic as possible.

Ok I think that's basically everything about the plot I can think of right now to address directly. Solm royals could have gotten more, but whatever. I thought they were fine as the hyper-competent Batman-like country that's like 5 steps ahead of everyone. I don't have any other things to speak about on the main story events.

*** THE SPOILERS ARE DONE, CONTINUE READING HERE ***

(Your reward for reading all those paragraphs is a nice picture of my daughter Veyle, who is precious and good. I was so worried they would be weird about her and barefeet aside they thankfully were not.)

Chapter IV: The Other Characters

There's a couple of obvious social groups of characters who have largely overlapping gimmicks. Tea time enthusiasts (Celine, Louis, Jean), aesthetic obsessives (Goldmary, Rosado, Hortensia), gym rats (Alfred, Etie, Boucheron sort of). Firene has perhaps the biggest problem of having so many gimmicks done so close together. There is still a lot of depth in those supports still (notably in the A levels after many might have given up, such as Alfred-Etie, Alfred-Celine, Celine-Alear, etc). I don't really have a defense for this, but I do understand why especially early on it would cause people to write off the cast of the game. It didn't bother me much maybe because I benched everyone but Alfred and Louis right away (I needed to keep Clanne and Framme around, they're really funny lol).

But overall I didn't mind any of the characters for their gimmicks besides Seadall (his disordered eating being treated as a joke was just extremely offputting and it was really 50/50 on whether a support might focus on it) and Goldmary (she is just an asshole and to me it wasn't funny, not every joke will land for everyone I suppose).

The cast felt extremely likeable and well-rounded. I will sound like a broken record here, but again they really reminded me of what I enjoyed about the FE8 cast. Just pretty much all likeable and good characters.

Chapter V: Everything Else

Here's like everything else that comes to mind but I don't have enough in my brain to properly write sentences on them and I kind of want to be done with this lmao:

Yes, I think it's a little silly how some characters manage to get away without the game directly stating how. Alear and co are nice and not brutal so you can assume they allowed the escape, but it's still weird at times. Poorly choreographed.

I will never unironically use the term "ludonarrative" (no shade if you do, but it's not me). However the introduction of the Lucina ring bringing back hope to the crew while being a supportive ring for gameplay purposes and all is just really special stuff. It's good. Similarly, the ring you get at the end of chapter 17 is an amazing moment.

I'm not particularly bothered by the rings being former characters. I don't feel they were used poorly or anything. They're wise old heroes helping the new gen, and they serve that purpose well. Only Marth has a bit more to him than that due to his history with Alear, and I think it plays out well without being reliant on prior knowledge. Again very sorry to Eirika fans, I've seen the essays there on the inaccuracies and you're all valid.

The time travel is very clean and properly defined imo. Much more limited than in Three Houses in-universe which is good, however the best explanation for the rewinds will continue to be Mila's Turnwheel (in that there is no time travel, just some premonitions that allow the characters to evade danger).

I love Pandreo and Zelkov so much. Oh my god. They're so funny and just good men. Excellent dudes. Amber, Rosado, YUNAKA. The cast is just lovely. I love them.

Sommie is so cute for real. Just brilliant idea to include a nice pet for your home base. If anything, they should have given it more wigs for the main royals or some of the emblems. Also Sommie is totally the Zero Emblem.

Chapter VI: Conclusion

Let me get TMI here. I do understand that personally I experience and perceive emotions in an unusual way compared to most people. I've not been diagnosed with anything specific to that level of wiring (just OCD and anxiety), and as far as I feel it doesn't seem necessary. But it is what it is, and I am who I am. Maybe all of this is pointless to write and it truly is just a matter of taste and personal emotional expectations. I don't know. I just know I liked the game, and what worked on me really worked. Hope this was fun to read even if it doesn't give any particular insight.

I did not intend to compare any other FEs in this piece mainly because it's not about them. Legit sorry if I inadvertently cause some sort of discourse.

tl;dr It's Peak Fiction™

[kafkaoftherubble]

I'm not sure if this is coherent cause I wrote in 20 minutes while really anxious but here's a letter from Maurice to Ira near the end of the story.

To my friend, Ira,

First and foremost, I pray you can forgive me. I know it is your greatest wish for me to take the crown and become the next emperor, but it would be unfair to all who opposed my uncle, yourself included. I doubt you saw it yourself, but your ideals were the same as Edith's. You didn't want me to be emperor, you wanted someone who understood you and was fair. You thought that was me because of your obsession with my family.

Ira, I am a prince. I could never understand the horrors of war like you do. You saw the invasion firsthand and fought so hard to protect your home. To me, the invasion was but a paragraph in the morning paper, followed by the latest drama in the world of art.

Odeda (Kenelm or whatever else you may call it) deserves a ruler that has seen the pains of the weak, someone who experienced them firsthand and has the will to help. That could never be me, I am too disconnected from the suffering and even the joys of my people.

But you, Ira, have lived amongst the weakest, you fought tooth and nail to rise to a position where you could make significant changes. I implore you to return to your post as minister of foreign affairs, you're a genius and our country will prosper with you at the helm.

As for me, I made up my mind years ago, but I doubt you listened when I told you; I will relinquish my title and repair damage caused by Volker. We can remain friends if you like, but I will become your equal and chastise you if you call me "your highness". That title will soon be forgotten in our new Odeda.

Sincerely, a commoner by the name of Maurice.

So... so

GOOD!

SO GOOD SO GOOD SO GOOD!

Gah, this is GOOD SHIT. Now this is a writer! I'm envious...

However, the voice of my profession insisted that I point out that you've committed the comma splice mistakes in some parts. This mistake is made when you use a comma to link two independent clauses (as in, they can be sentences of their own if you break it apart) together.

The correct punctuation marks for these instances will be

My personal best friend, the "em dash:" —

My other personal best friend, the "semi-colon:" ;

Good old "full stop:" .

An example will be the paragraph "But you, Ira [...]". Here's the version after the comma splice has been fixed!

But you, Ira, have lived amongst the weakest; you fought tooth and nail to rise to a position where you could make significant changes. I implore you to return to your post as minister of foreign affairs—you're a genius and our country will prosper with you at the helm.

Of course! You can also just replace the semicolon and that em-dash with full stops if you want to. It will be a matter of what reading tone you want your readers to employ when they picture Maurice writing this, so go ahead!

.... Hee hee. I do let slide grammar mistakes like comma splices in casual correspondence and whatnot! It's just that because this letter is presented as if it's within the story, it is categorized as a "novel draft" by my Brain, and that Language Alchemist (translator) started to talk! I know you wrote this on the fly, but we thought of letting you know either way!

[a-lil-perspective]

Omg you’re giving me Tech ideas. Like I’m writing an essay and I swear I just typed a bunch of bs, and then your Tech post popped up and I was omg Tech would start crying over how bad my essay is 😭 but bet he’d be supportive af when it comes to editing the crap out of this essay.

Even I’m rereading my essay and can hear his comments: “Mesh’la, your comma splices are wrong, let me help”; “I don’t think three question marks are necessary here, Love” (yes I actually did type three question marks 😭); “Darling you used the same word three times in the same sentence, here’s some synonyms”

Honestly, I don’t think my teacher would know if Tech wrote my essay??? (not the three question marks again)

Omg Sydney remember to take a break soon if you haven’t already! Essays can be incredibly taxing.

Yes Tech may scrutinize the finer points but I think he genuinely wants to assist. You’d have his full support.

Also he would make sure you take healthy breaks and stay hydrated throughout. :)

[bigdreamsandwildthings]

Review: Air Awakens (Elise Kova)

Rating: ★★★/5

"That wasn't all she was. Vhalla turned and started for the doors before her resolve failed her. She already had secrets. She was the first Windwalker. She was something the crown prince had claimed he would protect. Vhalla's toes stopped at the edge of the light in the doorframe. She didn't yet know what she was about to blossom into, but it was far greater than a library girl." First off, I take offence, as a library girl, at the insinuation that that is a starting point and not a full-on end goal. Just saying. Also saying: I don't get the hype for this one. Vhalla Yarl is a library apprentice, essentially a servant in the palace of the Emperor. When a prince returns to the palace, injured and in need of help, Vhalla searches her books and finds something to help him - but draws attention to herself in the process, only to find out that she actually has a dormant magical ability. She is a Windwalker, the first in a hundred years, and the crown prince, Aldrik, almost kills her to find that out. She gets closer to him as he tries to teach her about her powers, but she isn't sure whether to embrace them...or have them eradicated forever. What turns me off most about this one is the writing style. Something about it made me feel, constantly, like I was reading video game dialogue; everything feels stilted and strange, like the words just don't...fit. This definitely needed an extra run-through of edits, and the comma splices are absolutely out of this world. I found all of this very distracting all the way through, and it definitely detracted from the story for me. Character-wise, though, Vhalla is a highlight. I did enjoy who she is and how she grows over the course of this book. Her powers, tropey as they may be, are interesting, and how she takes her time getting to know them and herself is quite enjoyable to read. However, when it comes to other characters, I was underwhelmed. Aldrik is fine, the typical bad boy prince who's so misunderstood but with a heart of gold underneath; Baldair gave me weird vibes constantly, and yet Vhalla's all "oh he's just so good oh my gosh" and that contradiction had me scratching my head a lot. There is literally no world-building at play here either. I was trying to wrap my brain around who was from where and who was at war with who but other than driving home the fact that some characters are Western/blond/etc. there was just no context given. I felt lost, but then the romance picked up, so I realized that that was going to be the focus instead. Which is fine, I like a good romance. Except it didn't really prove to be all that good. Overall, I found this okay, but I won't be continuing with the series. There's too much that distracted me from the story itself and jarred me out of the narrative.

[onceuponadetectivedemigod]

I WANT TO SEE BEN HARDY SING IM IN LOVE WITH MY CAR

And in this essay is will,

Edit:

YALL THOUGHT I WASNT GONNA DO THIS ESSAY BUT HERE WE GO:

I was serious when I said I would do it. Hope you like it.

Ben Hardy needs to sing I'm in Love With My Car. In this essay I will explain why. I was serious when I promised people I would do this but I am out of school for winter break so if this looks bad, I apologize. Also I am counting this as my introduction paragraph and you can’t stop me. But since I did actually promise an essay I will try my best to make it as essay -ish as possible. This is a really bad hook but here we go. The reasons Ben needs to sing the classic song (written by Roger Taylor (gotta cite my stuff you know)) I’m In Love With My Car are because he has such a different voice from Roger Taylor and it would be a very unique take on this song, the fandom would get to hear him actually sing for the first time, and lastly we all want to hear his falsetto again. So without further ado: my essay.

While Roger Taylor has a very distinct rasp in his voice, Ben hardy does not. One thing the Susie Figgis, the casting director for the 2018 movie Bohemian Rhapsody, the Queen biopic co- produced by Roger Taylor himself, chose to do with this iconic cast is place Ben Hardy, the Eastenders and X- Men Apocalypse star, into the Role of Roger Taylor. (this is probably a comma splice sorry) While the rest of the cast absolutely nailed every aspect such as looks, voice, even as far as laughs; Ben hardy did in fact not. While I personally feel Hardy did an amazing job in the role, his voice is quite deeper as well as less raspy. His physique is also much buffer than Roger as well. Hardy even mentions in an interview that his thighs are too muscular for the role of Taylor. I'm almost 95% sure that this is the result of bribery from Taylor to Figgis. While Ben didn't think it was good to imitate Taylor but to capture his essence, he did a wonderful job, but his voice is still distinctly different from Taylor's. If Ben Hardy sang Taylor's song, you would get a brand new take with the classic vibe because of the difference in their two voices.

Another reason Hardy needs to sing Taylor's song is no one has ever actually heard him sing. He did sing a little bit when hitting the classic "Galileo's" from the song Bohemian Rhapsody. But that along with the word “Figaro”, are the only two words anyone has ever heard Hardy sing. While it would be interesting to see him sing other songs, I’m in Love With My Car was made fun of in the movie and is a full solo that Taylor sings. Most of the time Taylor sings backing vocals so this would be a rare time he sings a full song. Taylor is also known as a good singer as well as a drummer. So if the Man who played him (Hardy) can very well capture how Taylor plays the drums he should at least show us how his singing is. It may be very far from Taylor’s actual voice, but we would never truly know until Hardy sings.

Lastly, when we did in fact hear Hardy sing, he sang in a super high falsetto. It was very attractive to watch him do it. It was even more attractive to hear later say in the movie “I think my balls are in my chest.” Wouldn’t it be nice to see him do that again? While most of the song is set to a Tenor voice, closer to the bridge of the song there is a line “Cars don’t talk back, they’re just four wheeled friends now.” This is where the song gets higher and calls for a falsetto note or two. We all want to see Hardy hit this note. And to make matters even better, we all know Hardy wouldn’t just preform this song alone; he would call the rest of the borhap boys to come preform with him. Whether they want to or not they would probably do it for Hardy’s sake, I mean c’mon have you seen him give puppy dog eyes? Joe Mazzello would literally do anything for Hardy. So if we could see this we could also see Gwylim Lee play the nice-ass guitar melody that actually truly holds this song together. I mean let’s be honest, the words are trash but the music is as fine as Tom Hiddleston’s voice.

If you have any questions about my essay, do not hesitate to ask. This is it. This is my conclusion paragraph. Hope you enjoyed it. If you actually read this whole thing, DAMN I LOVE YOUR DETERMINATION TO FINISH THIS SHITTY ESSAY ON WHY BEN HARDY SHOULD SING IM IN LOVE WITH MY CAR! So thank you for time and patience. Have a wonderful day.

[scifrey]

From Signing to Signing

Congratulations! You’ve signed with your first literary agent, and they love your manuscript! Huzzah! Bravo! Cheers! Mazel Tov!

… now what?

What happens next?

Working with your Agent

After you’ve had “The Talk” with your agent, and agreed to sign on as a client, one of the first things you will likely discuss with them will be what revisions they would like to see done on your existing manuscript (unless you already revised the book as a condition of offer).

You will likely also have a conversation about what other manuscripts you currently either have already complete, or what ideas you may have for future books or - if the book you signed on has series potential - where to go with the next books.

Remember, your agent is your ally for your future career, and they are the ones with their eyes on the market.

Shopping your Manuscript

Once your manuscript edits are complete and your book is ready to be sent out to publishers and editors for consideration, your agent will work with your to build a Shopping or Pitch package. This is where those Back Cover Copy, 1-3-5 Page synopsis, Market Comparisons, Series Potential, etc. documents that you ought to have been writing while you were sending the books out to agents to consider come in.

When you’re both happy with what you have, your agent will start sending out letters of interest (these days, more like emails of interest) to the industry connections they have. Editors, publishers, etc. They’ll talk it up at conferences and list it in their available properties if that’s something they do. They’ll work with the agency’s foreign rights partners and dramatic adaptations partners to pitch the manuscript around those parts as well.

You’ll likely get some nos, some partial or full reads and a pass, or some interest. The ideal is to have several editors at multiple houses wanting to acquire the book, which would result in a bidding war.  

Once you have an offer, you and your agent will discuss the terms of the offer (it may include a book tour, it may not; it may include an advance, it may not; it may include an audio book, it may not, etc.), request any desired changes to the phrasing or clauses, and then sign it.

At this point, the work of turning your manuscript into a book passes out of your agent’s hands and into your acquiring editor’s.

Working with your Publishing House

Editing

Once all the paperwork is signed with your publisher, your acquiring agent will reach out to you with a formal Editing Letter. You will likely have been in contact with them already, talking about the book and what they loved about it, and where they see it fitting in their hourse’s roster and marketing plants. But this will be the first real notice that it’s Go Time.

The letter will outline the strengths of the manuscript, and discuss any changes they propose. You can always talk with your editor if something is unclear, doesn’t seem to sit right, or would impede future narrative plans. Always make sure you guys have a through understanding of what you’re each talking about and are completely on the same page before diving back into revisions.

Sometimes these revisions are substantial and include complete burn-and-rewrites, and sometimes they’re like, four little notes. It all depends on what serves the manuscript best to make it a strong book product.

Once you and your editor are satisfied with the rewrites, a timeline for publication will likely be set, and the great spinning wheel of turning this manuscript into a Book starts cranking into motion.

Copyediting

Next, your manuscript will be handed off to a proofreader and copyeditor. Their job is to hunt down and destroy all those typos, comma splices, and mistaken homonyms.

Depending on the size of the publishing house, this might be the same person as your acquiring editor, or a freelancer they hire, or an in-house copyeditor. Either way, these edits should all serve to strengthen your manuscript, so if at some point you’re reviewing them and something is clashing, or they’re stripping out the voice, talk to your acquiring editor about it.

You may have a few back and forths, depending on what you want to accept or reject in their proposed changes.

Cover

Likely, you’ll have already been discussing your ideas for the cover with your acquiring editor. Remember, you as the writer don’t actually have the power to dictate or veto the cover ideas, but of course as the person who knows the story best you will be asked your opinion. Different publishers include authors to different extents in this discussion process.

Usually a cover is completed far enough in advance of the book that it can be used as the jumping off point for the Buzz Building that will take place in the 3 -12 months prior to the book’s release date.

Discuss with your editor what their marketing department has planned for the cover release, and loop your agent into this discussion so all three of you can strategize together.

Interior Design & Galleys

The next time you see you manuscript, it will be book shaped! After everyone’s signed off on the edits, your manuscript is forwarded on to a typesetter/interior designer, who will lay it out in book format. This is the time when they’ll add things like illustrations, if your book comes with them, or specific fanciful scene separators, or the title page.

Any specific imagery or layout choices will have likely already been discussed with your acquiring editor before this time, so now is the moment to review the book and make sure that it was translated onto the page correctly.

A “galley” is basically a dress-rehearsal for your book. You’ll be asked to review it (and hopefully with at least a few weeks lead time so you’re not rushed), and make sure that not only are major mistakes (like two chapter 4s and no chapter 5 ) or small weird formatting concerns (like cut off lines, or things that are italic which should not be or vice versa), or something else is wonky.

Where I’m given the lead time, I prefer to be able to print this out and see it “book shaped” to get a sense of the whole product, not just the story.

You’ll be asked to send back your fixes and then, for really reals, the book will be out of your hands forever. That’s it! No more changes! All done!

Marketing and ARCs

A lot of this work will probably actually take place alongside your work on what was requested of you in your Editing Letter.

Once you have your cover (and it’s been released), you can start using it in your own marketing initiatives. Authors are usually the ones who must design and pay for the little in-hand things like lapel pins, bookmarks, postcards, library posters, and of course whatever graphics you use for your own social media and website.

Your publisher will work to get the book out to review sites, awards, industry publications, and if they have the pull and the money, premium placement on a shelf, or book tours or appearances.  You may or may not be paired up with a publicist in the house to help with this.

You may have very little marketing support, if they’re a very small house with a very small budget, so in this case you may want to consider hiring a publicist yourself, or a social media advertiser, or a virtual assistant, or paying a friend in wine to put out a newsletter every month for you (thank you, Karen!). Or you may wanna just buckle down and do it yourself.

Either way, do some research and make yourself a plan. I have lots of advice on marketing your work in my other Words for Writers articles.

When the book is done-done-done, the publisher will make ARCs - Advance Reader Copies. Basically, pre-publication books. This should be the final book in every way except that they are available before the book’s actual release date.

These are sometimes paper, sometimes e-only. Reviewing the ARC will be the Final Chance Ever to find mistakes, but should be pretty clean.

ARCs are then sent out by either you or your publisher’s marketing team, or both, to reviewers, media outlets, contests, and industry publications. This helps to generate the vitally important pre-publication buzz for the novel.

The Big Wait

(Sometimes I think this stage is added simply so you can take a breather from your book and stop despising it after having reread and rewritten it about seventy million times. I’m always grateful for it though because it’s nice to have the time to refill your well with excitement and joy for your story.)

This is where the marketing plans start whirring into motion and you’ll start sending the ARCs out for reviews. They’ll start coming in so you can use them to support your marketing, and add them to your website.

This is the perfect down time to do all those little To Do list things you’ve been missing - update your website, write thank-you notes, get your social media queued up, arrange your book launch party, etc.

Time to go have another chat with your agent! Get them up to speed with the marketing plans that your publishing house is enacting, and talk through what you think you can add on your end, and from the agency, to support or augment that push. Makes some checklists, start some buzz going, and then…

Step back.

Do nothing.

RELAX. Catch up on sleep. Do your taxes. Spend time with your kids. Meal prep. Whatever sparks your joy.

And, eventually, when you’re ready to jump back into the creative well, start the next project you and your agent earmarked as your follow up. This might be book #2 in your series, or something else entirely. Check in with your agent, and then have fun!

Release Day

Time to get back at it!

On the day your book is released, it will likely be All Hands On Deck. You, your publisher, your editor, and your agent will be working in tandem to execute all of your social media blasts and marketing pushes. Try to set up as much of it as possible to be automated on the day-of.

Some people have their book launch party coincide with the release date, some choose to do it after, and some choose not to have a party at all. Research what works best for you, and make sure you have enough lead time for you/the bookstore to actually receive your box of books in the mail!

The Aftermath

The book is out, the party is over, the cake is eaten and your hand is cramped from all the autographs you signed. Bravi!

Don’t forget to keep your social media and website up to date with any changes that might come with the book - new fantastic reviews worth sharing, the announcement of a foreign language edition acquisition, an audiobook adaptation, etc. etc.

At the same time. take some time to refresh, recharge, and revel in what you accomplished before jumping back to the other project you’re working on.

You deserve it!  You published a book!

*

Still have questions? Read more WORDS FOR WRITERS here or ASK ME HERE.

[brightbeautifulthings]

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer

"There were things I wanted to tell him. But I knew they would hurt him. So I buried them, and let them hurt me."

Year Read: 2019

Rating: 3/5

Context: I took a contemporary American fiction class that loosely centered on 9/11 stories, including novels like Don DeLillo's Falling Man and Thomas Pynchon's Bleeding Edge. Since Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close wasn't on the list, I can only conclude that not only did my favorite professor not like Foer's novel (which I doubt informed his choice overly much; he had a tendency to spit whenever he talked about Jonathan Franzen, yet Freedom was still on the book list), he also didn't consider it important enough to teach. I find this both sad and hilarious. I gravitate toward 9/11 novels because it's one of those events that divides American culture clearly into Before and After. I'm new to Foer's fiction, but I probably wouldn't put it on my list either. Trigger warnings: death, death of a parent, death of a child, suicide, PTSD, trauma, anxiety, terrorism, falling, body horror, burns, graphic images, some snobby comparisons to DFW, and a total failure to condense my thoughts into < 1,500 words.

About: Nine-year-old Oskar Schell is devastated by his father's death in the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks. More than a year later, he discovers a key among his father's belongings that doesn't fit any lock in their apartment. It's in an envelope labeled Black. Estranged from his mother and unable to connect with other kids his age, Oskar devises a plan to meet every person named Black in New York City and ask them if they met his dad. He's determined to reconnect with his father any way he can and learn the truth of their last scavenger hunt, but Oskar is haunted by his father's last messages on the answering machine from inside the tower and, since his body was never recovered, that he will never know the full truth of how he died.

Thoughts: Interesting premise, shaky execution. My overall sense is that if Foer had spent more time on the story and less on the structure, it would have been a more effective novel. It's like a lot of these kinds of books in being slightly weirder than the actual world. Nothing that happens absolutely couldn't happen, but it's highly unlikely that it would all happen together. (What kind of parent lets their nine-year-old wander New York City by himself, especially following 9/11 when everyone was highkey paranoid?) I don't mind experimental novels done well, but ELIC is experimental-lite at best and not altogether ground-breaking. The text is supplemented by photographs, pages of writing on top of writing, single sentences on a page, and various other stylistic diversions. It's not so overwhelming that a novice to this kind of fiction would have trouble following the plot, but with one or two exceptions, these additions don't feel like a necessary part of the text; the story would have read just as well, and possibly better, without them.

My favorite exception is the chapter edited by a red pen, the only confirmation we have that Thomas Schell ever read his absent father's letters, and an ironic comment that he had the emotional distance to grammar-check them; he even circled the "I love you" in the complimentary closing like he would circle a correction. The other exception is a tougher pill to swallow, and it's hard to imagine why Foer thought it was a good idea to include actual photographs of the falling man in his book. If you didn't know what it was, you might not realize what you were looking at right away, but the images of people jumping to their deaths out the windows of the World Trade Center are a ubiquitous part of 9/11 history. (Is it ubiquitous because books like this brought attention to it? I was in middle school, so I don’t remember.) Like most things that are done for shock value, putting them in the book is in extremely poor taste.

I don't care that much for Foer's prose. The chapters cycle among Oskar, his grandmother, and his grandfather's perspectives. Oskar's chapters read exactly nothing like a nine-year-old kid's and seem mostly an excuse to include juvenile humor, random facts, and quirky observations (much more, in fact, like a 20-year-old male writer's perspective). His grandfather's are an onslaught of run-on sentences, comma splices, and spelling mistakes, and as a father who walked out on his wife and unborn child, he's possibly the least sympathetic character in the story. Much like real life, characters wander in and out of the narrative without any attempts at reason or closure. This is most noticeable with the Mr. Black who lives in Oskar's building, who randomly decides to remove himself from Oskar's search for no apparent reason and is never heard from again.

There are attempts to draw parallels among Oskar's experience with 9/11, his grandparents’ experiences with the bombing of Dresden, and, more loosely, the atomic bombings in Japan. Aside from the fact that they're all tragedies that leave dead and traumatized people in their wake, I have a hard time comparing 2,000 deaths to 20,000 deaths to a potential 200,000 deaths. (Once you start adding zeroes, is that not a whole different level of atrocity?) The book does better justice to 9/11 than any of the others, and it's an interesting look at how we struggle to make meaning after something so horrific and meaningless happens to us.

In that respect, the novel itself is an act of meaning-making as we struggle to piece together the various kinds of text and the different perspectives and timelines. Like most books of this kind, it puts a lot of responsibility on the reader to make it into a coherent story. Like most books of this kind that aren't done that well, it doesn't do enough work of its own to make a meaningful story. I wasn't expecting closure from a book like this (which is good because there is none to be had), but there's also no impression that Oskar is bringing his experiences together in a meaningful way--so there's no chance for the reader to do that either. The overall message seems to be that there IS no meaning to them. On one level, I might agree; it may be impossible to bring meaning to the death of a parent, particularly one who died in such tragic circumstances.

But the other stuff, the living part where Oskar met so many people and affected so many different lives, is open-ended to a frustrating degree. It's not quite as nihilistic as a lot of post-9/11 fiction; Oskar's search ultimately brings him back to the most important people in his life, which is a strong message, but it doesn't bring a whole lot of sense to anything leading up to that. Forcing readers to draw their own conclusions is a fine strategy, but I would have preferred to see Oskar's conclusions as well after I followed him through an entire book. In that respect, the film does a much better job in bringing Oskar's experiences together into something meaningful. We get to see how it was actually a bonding experience for him and his mother, and how touching all those lives brought something important to them and to him. This is the kind of thematic closure I was hoping for from the book, and the film just made it more obvious that it isn't there.

Notes on David Foster Wallace connections: I'm one of those terrible snobs who compares every contemporary literary fiction novel written by a white dude to Infinite Jest, and Foer doesn't seem at pains to hide the references. My favorite is a picture Oskar has of a tennis player on the ground, but he notes that from the expression on his face, we can't tell if he's won or lost. This is an A+ IJ reference, since it's rife with tennis players, sinister smiley faces, and confusion over whether people are laughing or crying. The others are more inscrutable. I have no idea what to make of Oskar playing Yorick in his school play, other than that his teachers are strangely morbid in dressing up a kid in a papier-mâché skull to play a dead guy. I'm sure that's not traumatizing at all. IJ is a loose Hamlet retelling, so Foer could have picked any other Shakespeare play to avoid the reference; I'm just not sure what it's saying. The last includes mild spoilers for both IJ and ELIC, so proceed with caution. In possibly the weirdest and most pointless detour of the book, Oskar and his grandfather dig up his father's empty casket and fill it with notebooks. Again, I have no idea what to make of this. While Oskar is very bothered by the fact that it's empty, we don't get the sense that he gains a lot of closure from this mad adventure. It's clearly a parallel to Hal and Gately digging up Himself's grave, except in IJ, they have good reason for doing so. Thoughts and theories from people who have read both? I'm interested to hear interpretations.

[angelinuhh]

Hi there A! Could we get a public review from you? Thank you so much and we hope that you have a breathtaking upcoming week! ~ Admin Catie

DISCLAIMER: this review is onlyreflective of my own opinions and is intended to provide constructivecriticism. there is no obligation to listen to or agree with anything said.

OVERALL:

the reality tv junkie in me loves this concept of this rp. and, asI look around, this typifies exactly what I love about the genre: characterdevelopment, fast-paced events and, of course, a healthy dose of competition. Ilove your color scheme and your theme. for a contained theme, I found it incrediblyeasy to navigate—which was a real and true blessing. however, I do think that there are still many things to improve, Ithink a little more consistency and editing in your descriptions and overallaesthetic could really elevate your rp and make it more accessible andattractive to prospective members. I also would like to see a change in yourrules, both in policy and in tone. overall, I wish you guys the best of luck.

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PLOT:

I really do love the rp idea, but I do think the plot page leavesa little something to be desired. For appless rps, especially ones withoutblurbs on the sidebar, you really do need something that is concise, both eye-catching and attention-grabbing, all the while getting to the point. while the content you have on this page isn’tbad, you have a long-ish block of text that can read a little dry at time.

I’ve taken the liberty of editing your plot to take on a more activetone to show you what I mean. while you have no obligation to use it, you dohave full permission to:

 There is no greater motivation in theworld than money – and nowhere is that more present than in ParadiseIsland, MTV’s new reality television show. Sent to a private island inpairs and forced to compete challenges and tasks set by the producers, contestantsoften find themselves doing things they wouldn’t normally do, all for a chance at$750,000.

Here at Paradise Island, the fun never stops. With 24/7 Streaming, viewers are given a real-time seat to the  drama,the romance and more! While binge-worthyshows are great, the 12 million daily viewers know the truth: they never have to find something new towatch again.

After a rigorous application process, including video essays about why theywould like to be on the show, interviews and even a test challenge was preparedto see which finalists caused the most drama or had the most chemistry, thehundreds of potential applicants were narrowed down to just 40. The producersrandomly assigned each contestant into pairs and, for the duration of the show,these partners were to share a room in the mansion and work together to win thegrand prize. 

But what happens next—will loveblossom? Will greed step in? Witha 1/20 chance of winning the $750,000, most of the contestants will do anything to get their hands onthat money, but there can only be one pair of winners.

Who will be victorious in the first Paradise Island?

-        

paradiseislandhq is anappless  23+ pairedmuse roleplay based on reality television. Contestants have been sent to aprivate island and must work in pairs for the chance to win a grand jackpot of $750,000w/ additional prizes. We focus on weekly character development tasks &challenges, plotting between members, in-character drama, and. of course- vacation vibes! Applicants are free toapply for a wanted connection partnership or to have one picked at random foryou!

 If you would like to take a crack at it, here’s what I tried to fix.

Have a more ACTIVE TONE

 thisis a purely stylistic choice, but i would suggest varying up sentence structureand utilizing your bold and italic keys a little more as most people in thegenre do.

Try to avoid going on tangents

Inthe beginning, you start with the motivator of money above all and thenimmediately move to love and status, thus weakening the power of your opening

Ialso did not particularly think the tangent about streaming services in thethird paragraph was necessary. Your goal is to emphasize that the show is 24/7—you don’t necessarily have to explain that.

Is it… $750,000 or $750,000+, because both were used. That needsto be clear.

The first thing I always look for is the synopsis at the bottom,but yours is a little bit long. 

Iwould center it as well. You can do this by entering into the html and putting , I think.

Side note: make sure your navigation tab’s blurb matches the one on this page.

I also spotted a couple of grammar errors. Your biggest and mostfrequently repeated error is run-on sentences and a lack of commas.

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RULES

bh, your rules page was a hugeturnoff for me. I don’t think it was your intention, but it was very blunt, alittle wordy (ik ik… im legit the most wordy person on earth) and read kind of…rude. A a potential applicant and as a reviewer, I just- I wasn’t feeling itand would likely be very wary of applying because of it.  There are also quite a few run-on sentenceshere, so watch out for that.

I’m not going to rewrite the whole thing, but here are a few specificchanges I would make and alternate wordings to your statements.

 Edits

(++) I would put in a HOW WE RP section and add in the stuffabout the tasks, points and challenges. Because that should not go underinclusivity. I also do not understand how it works and I need much moreexplanation. I can guess, of course, but I shouldn’t have to. You need toclearly outline how this rp will be run and how tasks will be delegated and pointswill be awarded. Vaguely stating that there will be challenges and points andwhatever will not work.

(++) Your muses section is very confusing. Especially the agebut also the diversity part. I understand that you feel strongly about this,but I brought it up to some friends and many of them were just as confused as Iwas. I read your FAQ and things did not get any clearer. If I were you, I wouldsimply say “all muses and fcs must be older than 25. Please aim to make yourcharacter’s age believable with your faceclaim.”. And that, “to encouragediversity, if you have more than one character, at least one must be POC.” Asyou have it, it is very murky and kind of defensive?? almost. Like I reallywant people to be over 25, but I guess they can play 23, but also they canactually be 40 but they can play in their 20s. It’s convoluted and I get alittle frustrated trying to read it. In my opinion, you just have to pick asingle age and go with it.

I feel like your unfollow rule is extremely lenient for one ofthese rps. It may lead most of your members being inactive before they getunfollowed.

 .

Alt wordings (some suggestions)

Although it is expected that in-character partnerships will needcharacter development, please make an effort to interact with all member.Bubble RPing is NOT permitted and we aim to make an inclusive environment whereall muns can explore their characters.

Youroriginal statement really put the onus on the RPer like they’re already doingsomething wrong.

We are happy to oblige with hiatus or semi-hiatus requests. Lifecomes up and we want all of our players to be comfortable. However, we onlyaccept these requests through asks that come through our inbox.

Reallythe CAPS and the Do not inform by im… don’t really feel like you want me tocomfortable.

We allow small/medium gifs. Please do not use large gifs. In orderto be accessible we do not allow gif icons under 90x90. >>>>In order to be accessible, large gifs and gif icons under 90px are not allowed.We prefer small/medium gifs.

Feel free to cause in character drama. However, no OOC drama willbe tolerated !! >>> While in-character drama can be fun, OOCdrama will not be tolerated.

idk why but those exclamation points were felt in my soul, man. Sdfjdkf. Look, it’s just a little intimidating.

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ACCESSIBILITY :

I knowthis sounds like a small thing, but I really am impressed.Container themes are notoriously hard to navigate but I had little to notrouble going through yours. If your rp grows, that muse tab is going to behell to update so I admire your commitment.

My onlycritiques are that

 youneed to finish updating your nav so there are no broken/nonexistent links—whichI’m sure you will do

on your/map page, you have ‘wanted connections’ spliced so both wanted and connectionare links.

I’dmuch rather see a page with all the tags to track than just having them floataround on the navigation. But this is totally up to you to change.

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AESTHETIC/GRAPHICS:.

Lovethem. Whoever did them, mostly, did a good job in maintaining the color scheme.My only critique is that I’m not really feeling the headers for, like, the plotpage and the wanted connections…etc. These harsh black borders and script fontsstand out a lot and, while the images are nice, they have a completelydifferent color scheme (dark blue-ish tones to the warm and tropical orange ofthe rest of the theme). I wish they would! Because otherwise, I really do likewhat you have here.  

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MORE.

I would edit or remove the first question onyour FAQ.If anyone asks the question, you can say to promote age diversity andthat’s reason enough. As it stands, the question and the answer just makes me confusedand, some of the statements like “actors over 25 have more resources” is justuntrue.

thebiggest flaw that I see in your RP is inconsistency and occasional lack ofclarity. here is a list of things I’ve found that varied from page to page.

1.      Sometimesthe jackpot is 750,000. Sometimes it is not.

2.      Theblurb on your navigation does not match the blurb on your plot page

3.      Yourefer to this rp both as appless and semiappless.

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TLDR; what i would like to see changed, vaguelyin order of most of least importance. Feel free to ignore any or all of these.

REDO your rules page to include a HOW WE RP detailing thepoints, tasks and challenges

 CHOOSEa clear and consistent ruling on your age bending/limits. It might make senseto you and promoting age diversity is very admirable, but, look, we’re alldumb.

EDITyour rules page to be… more affable. It’s not bad as it, but it just helpspeople get through it.

i wrote a few alternate phrasings you can look at

EDITyour plot to be more engaging and concise to really grab people’s attention.

i wrote something above that you may use

DOUBLE CHECK all your pages to make sure that you don’tcontradict yourself in various places.

 as a last note and reminder, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO TAKE ANY OF MYSUGGESTIONS. There is no ill-will from me to you. As always, this is notintended to be hate and I genuinely want the best for you guys. However, I amterminally cursed to be nitpicky. I’ve done my very best to make sure my adviceis constructive, but please call me out if you find any of this offensive orcrude.

I genuinely like the idea of the RP and appreciate the work you’veput in. Seeing Dev Patel used--- makes my day. Thank you for your time andpatience.

If you have any more concerns or questions, please feel free tocontact me.

[spunkycatninja]

My thoughts on editing

So I thought, after some prodding from a friend, that I would do a blog on editing since people might have questions who are interested in editing (for games, books, etc.). I've had experience editing a text based game and a full length novel as well as doing a lot of proofreading and creating reading/writing curriculum for the English department I work for. [Yes, I just ended my sentence with a preposition, and no, I don't care. ;) ] I also went to a university and earned a degree in English Language Learning, so I studied grammar, syntax, and all that other good stuff as well as world literature. Did I put you to sleep yet? No? Good. Now that you know my qualifications and that I'm not pulling things out of thin air, let's get on with it, yes?  

There are some things to keep in mind when you decide you want to edit a game or book for someone.  I won't (and can't, quite frankly) go over every single thing, but I feel the list below mentions the 5 most important “rules” to keep in mind.

#1: Know that you won't catch every single thing. I'm really good at what I do. Really, I am. I have people with PhD's asking me to go over their work to make sure everything is correct because I'm known to have an eagle eye for this sort of thing. Even with all the schooling I've had, and even though I am very meticulous, there are bound to be errors that get missed. It happens. It's ok. Nobody is perfect. Take a breath. Come to terms with that. (Something I need to keep reminding myself about as well.) If you notice that you missed a lot, try to do better next time. Maybe do some grammar review, and most importantly, read s-l-o-w-l-y.

#2: Keep in mind that the text you are working on is not yours. In other words, don't get bent out of shape if someone doesn't want to change what they have after you've offered your fixes and suggestions. As the author, they have the right to shape their creation however they please, so even if you have solid, legitimate reasons for offering a solution for a mistake/blunder/oversight/horrific abomination, they don't have to implement it even if they really should. Again, take a deep breath and know that this does not reflect poorly on you.

#3: Know your grammar. Yep, I said it. Learn grammar, dammit. It's important. It's essential to know the difference between:

A) Let's eat Grandma!

and

B) Let's eat, Grandma!

In one of those, you're a nasty cannibal that nobody wants anything to do with (especially Grams). In the other, you're grandma's favorite who will inherit everything for taking her out for a lovely meal. ;)

So many times I see people say, “Just put a comma where you'd breathe. You don't need to know grammar.” You know who says that? People who don't want to learn grammar or new teachers who've been told to tell students that statement as a way to get their point across. I can't tell you, as someone who teaches this stuff, how quickly that backfires—which is why only new/inexperienced teachers tell their students that (usually because they aren't prepared to explain). Grammar can shape the reader's experience, so knowing what to and how to punctuate can be a very powerful tool.

#4: Know when to correct and when to let it stand. But wait! Didn't I just say “know your grammar?” What is going on here? Am I pulling a fast one? No, not really. Creative writing is different than academic writing. There will be times when there is a change in beat/tone or a statement really needs to stand out, so an “extra” comma or a fragment may be perfectly legitimate. In other words, you have to take context into account when editing. This is super important! Don't just blindly correct every run-on, fragment, and comma splice. Read it. Then read it again. Look around it. Does it make sense as it is? What meaning is conveyed when it's punctuated like that? Is this getting the author's point/voice across? These are all very important questions to ask when looking at a text.

#5: Give positive feedback too, not just constructive criticism. Writers like to know what works and what doesn't for their reader. You are not just a living breathing auto-correct (unless that is what you and the author agreed on). So if you are enjoying something, don't just chuckle to yourself and move on. Make a note of it. Tell the writer. Let them know what really tickled your fancy. Moreover, they appreciate if you catch continuity errors, and while a few may disagree with this next part, I would also add that if a different perspective can be offered on what is happening, you might want to speak up. Let me clarify that last part with an example because that last statement was kind of vague.

So let's say you are editing a game where the player can be a man, woman, non-binary, etc., and the player can be whatever sexuality they desire. Said author has the player character always ogling a female companion even though the player created a gay male, straight female, or asexual character. If you are editing this game, and you see this, I would assert that you should definitely bring this to the author's attention. Because let's be real, many players would have a problem with this if this cropped up and this type of behavior did not fit their character. What the author does after that is up to them (see #2 for details).  

Are you still here? Wow! That's awesome! Thanks for reading my short novel. I hope this helps anyone who has questions about editing. Keep in mind that this is just my opinion on editing. I'm sure there are others out there who don't necessarily agree with everything I've said. But if you were thinking about getting into editing, I hope I've given you some place to start with. (Oh look! I ended with another preposition again! Oh, the horror!)

[autoirishlitdiscourses]

Discourse of Wednesday, 28 July 2021

Again, thank you for doing such a good weekend, and the expression of your discussion on Wednesday prevents you, provided that you could talk about his own paper after letting it sit for two or three days, and though it was more lecture-oriented than it currently is. You are welcome to run up against with Ulysses: if people aren't prepared, it's been posted: The Wall Street Journal speculates about whether you're technically meeting the discussion section is also a dazzlingly insightful interpretation while yet being faithful to the Ulysses lectures which, given Ulysses, and modeling this for everyone else in both sections? I think that, going into the heart of your evidence into a complex historical condition and trace some important material in there you are. However, be aware that you would have helped to get a handle on the day before Thanksgiving.

Does it matter if that doesn't mean it's not intrusive and doesn't delay your presentation. On her forehead was so tight I thought you might find helpful in studying for the final analysis. Finally, for that assignment and may serve a number of difficult texts, with the rest of the prospectus when I've already said in the discussion so that it's fresh in everyone's mind, keep reciting it, though, you really have read Cyclops and love as a whole, though there were some amazing performances on it. This means that you understand just how much reading people have no one else in your delivery; very good work here in a number of genuinely excellent job! Well done. You went short, or see me!

But make sure that all students within each section. Yes you will have to go that route. I'm planning on having students declare in advance from the group without driving them, To become renewed, transfigured, in part because you're moving too quickly past issues that would require picking up cues that tell me when large numbers of people who had their hands.

For one thing that will help you to be tying the landscape and love as a whole was quite captivated by your own thought, self-control, etc. Question doesn't make its way to be helpful in pointing to multimedia and/or capability. I'm looking forward to your workload, but looser ones that would require the professor's reading of Godot, or Bloom's complex relationship that we have a few significant gaps, possibly by style, narrative clues, etc.

At the root of these is that it's come to each other would help you grow as a way of taking up time that way versus having an couple of things well here: you must take all reasonable steps to correct them; c you can draw in additional examples from Sartre and Camus to enrich your analysis will pay off. I think that your midterm will be thinking closely about what you think are likely to be without feedback until more or less agree? I think, too, about having specific questions, OK? 8 When You Are Old discussion of this coming weekend. Of course, the two tendencies in Irish literature that you need to cancel my office hours so that my impression at the moment and say exactly what they're like outside of my section website, and with your own, and I fully appreciate this it's not a bad idea.

Alternately, I won't assess participation until the end. Three did not, will pay off to have seen in lecture, that'll be helpful in studying for the remainder of the three types of responses to individual instructors. Wikipedia article on poitín for more information about the relationship.

Hi, everyone is scheduled. One thing that is an arena for such thinking: a three-quarters of the end of your finals, and so that the Irish as drunk, violent, and an estimate for attendance and participation. He missed four sections, you receive for attending section Thanksgiving week, you should think about how you might ask the class and get them to their fate.

Don't want to switch their attention back to you as the focal point of analysis, too, if nothing else. You may also find helpful. Good choice; I think that you should continue to attend the entire weekend as one of the grotesque. If you absolutely can't go on, so please be parsimonious about future absences.

I'm expecting it's a wonderful collection of course, as well as 1922, and showed that you had signed up for a text from the second half of Yeats's September 1913. You were clearly a bit more practice but your delivery was basically solid, and the rest of your writing is also quite graceful and expresses your thought better than I had my students in both my sections on the professor's English 150 course, the student who sent a panicked email after sleeping into the A range. Please use it personally and recommend it highly. Your discussion and question provoked close readings by using hedging phrases like I said? I'm trying to eat up time in a good move here, I will announce it in more depth.

You can also refer you to reschedule—they will help you to ground your analysis what is Mary likely to complain if I can tell you. Have a good sense of a number of fingers at the time to get your proposals for text/date combination if possible, and your material effectively and provided a good student this quarter. I suspect you actually mean by romance, which was previously the theoretical maximum score for the positions we take in the context of conversations about Irish nationalism, depending on where you need by phrasing things in your phrasing is suboptimal or doesn't quite say what you can see it, even if it's necessary to start writing in order to do in order to see change by much, but also would help to ground your argument effectively. A-. What does it mean to suggest that his presence is central to your presentation. Smooth, thoughtful paper that has not always exchanged in a lot of impressive moves. As it is constructed in the writing process is itself the immediate, direct, personal interest in the best way to find out about it. Some students improved their score between the two A-87% 90% B 83% 87% B 80% 83% B-81. Again, thank you both did a good weekend, and that you just ran out of town this weekend. Perhaps an interesting contemporary poet. You are likely to run up against was that the exam if you have been for Stephen, but perhaps could be set up in front of the work. Similarly, perhaps the way that you look at other parts of your finals. For one thing that might work as the audio or video recording of your paper is neither foolish nor improper, but the basic principles involved in the writing process. All of which is an impressive move. I think that what the professor just wanted to make your thesis statement is actually quite busy with recitations and did a remarkably good job here in order to turn into a larger point of analysis is and get 100% on the web or in a number of points you receive no credit for turning it into an effective job of trying to suggest that there are some comma splices, sentence, phrase, every sentence says exactly what you're expecting. If your intent is to say: If you're scheduled to be substantial deviations from the plan; remember you said, think about delivery and then facilitate a focused discussion about the ways in which you should write me a room for the quarter, you were doing last time you get behind. I think it's a phone number in the sense of what the relationship between your source texts, a we have treated you rather unfairly. This is true: the twelfth line. I've gotten pretty good at picking up cues that tell me when large numbers of fingers to let you know, that your ideas develop naturally out of range at this point would be a more nuanced. I noticed that I set the bar for A papers very high B, regardless of race were like, but you were to go back through the novel, so I know that he might stand for in the end of the section on Wednesday or Friday between 11:45 is the instructor of record for classes at UCSB, and this is conjectural, but I think that your thought would be to choose an audio/visual text of Irish culture, history, and the way that the professor's syllabus. There are a student who's scheduled an appointment with me; I'm normally much more prepared for the quarter and I know my handwriting is hard-wired to be helpful for your email to the connections between the two tests if it seems that it may be quite a good weekend! I'll show you as an emergency phone call during section or for your paper—you're not sure what to tell us how one or more of the midterm scores until Tuesday.

Forster said.

Looks good to me in my margin notes. Don't think about putting in conjunction with a fresh perspective on a Thursday, October 11, which, given Ulysses, and you've remained fair to Yeats's text, you must at least 80% on the final itself, though again, and Cake next to each other personally. Additionally, you currently have five openings in my box in the future. Grades are pretty high this was a pleasure having you in section on time or the professor has said that he doesn't want a recording of your paper most needs to be even better job on Wednesday!

I'm just letting you know, OK? Full of his paper here. Too, you gave a good job of reading the poem by 4 to 5%, what this relationship. Thanks! Quite frankly, the construction of Irish nationhood, English majors with a set of ideas in there what I'm basically saying here is the connection between the poem taken for that week. There was a popular selection. Peeler p. So, here.

This being a strongly religious woman whose son is not productive about Fluther's comment? Ideally, you do a project on on line six; dropped I said something very close to 85% a middle A-for the Synge vocabulary quiz. Still, overall, you may recall that in order to minimize disruption to other people are reacting to look for cues that tell us about the text s and responding to both of you effectively boosted the other's grade while you were sensitive to the course material, and quite accurate recitation, and you're claiming that the more difficult texts we're dealing with things that could have been to question its own logic. This means that an A paper as a group, and it's been posted to the concept of and/or recall problems. The same method applies to you. There's no need to indicate the sources in their introductions and/or selections from other students and give them something specific to look for cues that this is a vision of female sexuality like in the directions you want. Honor of being adaptable in terms of which is rather tricky to do. This is not comprehensive, but are the song performances themselves, not as able to avoid specificity, and you might compare it with the rest of the editorial/proofreading process. I can get a handle on the first chapter of Theodor Adorno and Max Horkheimer's Dialectic of Enlightenment or can get you a good move on to present. On Raglan Road. It's often that the final to grade all the time, I do tomorrow, I think, meant to describe women in this situation, exactly, by love, romance, which you dealt. All in all, this is, you have demonstrated in class with respect, and you touched on some of these are all very small number of points and provided a good discussion for the term to spare. Let me know if you feel better soon. Not, you have scheduled a recitation and what it can be a very good outcomes of your recitation. Reminder: Wednesday is the last stanza, too, but rather that I didn't think of this is absolutely a fair amount of research here, based entirely on attendance for your paper. Come up with a fresh eye and ask again. But you were trying to suggest that Dexter is an inappropriate typeface if in doubt, use Times New Roman; turning in a lot of ways that I notice you. For Ulysses in the Forest of Arden itself a thinking process that will help you to not only keeps us on task, but rather attempts to gloss over particularly difficult in a Reddit discussion earlier this year! You added an I before think I do not impede the reader's ability to understand and appreciate any aspect of the more recent versions at all a serious possibility, there are several things that we admire the vigilantism of the people who had their hands up after I qualified it by 10 p. You are of equal or even better writer, and good luck with the rebellion of 1798. I feel that there are potentially productive ways to read and interpret as a bridge to basic issues. Love, then this will certainly pay off, though reciting more of an analysis of a letter grade per day in a reasonable doubt? I come off as much as you can bring your copy of the due date will result in a timely fashion in order to do in order to fully explore your own sense of the novel as a sifting screen that lets you make it pay off for you? Not, you have any questions, OK? So, for free: Chris Walker and the purest and most are getting full credit. Whatever you mean, that you need to rise above merely doing a large number of things well here. Everything looks fine and are genuinely small and have a lot of ways, I estimate that maybe two of which affects your grade. Volunteering to be spending time thinking about grad school.

This quarter, so if you're trying to say, and again your comments and questions from other students were engaged, and want to do a good thumbnail background to the phrase and the 1916 Easter Rising rebels: Wikipedia's disambiguation page for the temptation offered to the uprising. One would be an indication that you're well and smoothly. B-on your part, and I've read works by Pinter before, say, but if you'd prefer. I think that a more specific analysis. Thanks for doing a strong argument about it more in-depth manner and provided an interpretive pathway into one of the room.

By the way of being fair to Yeats's text; you could be read, and I enjoyed it. My current plan is to say, Sunday, which has been assigned yet, and you've set up in front of the class well. As for the standard essay structure instead of mechanically beating a drum that has my comments and questions from other sources. Overall, you may hit that number this quarter. If a fellow gave them trouble being lagged they let him have it hot and heavy in the reader/viewer.

How about 1 p. You have at least partly with other good readings of modernist paintings in connection with Irish nationalism road. Your rhythm was not my area of thematic threads through multiple texts here, and you have a basically fair reading to my preferences and how does this rhetorical maneuver accomplish? Romance, chivalry, honor and honorable, lust, hook-up exam next week: Patrick Kavanagh is wide open. Again, you can be helpful for your material you emphasize I think, too. You had a student this quarter—you either cross them or you can go a lot more specific proposal, including basic plot-recall questions. There are any problems with understanding and/or conclusions. So, the student engaging in the assignment write-up of the text of Irish identity, and what you're going to be over. She hit himself her husband have perhaps grown apart, and got the class if there are always a good sense of what I'm trying to eat up time in a collaborative close-reading exercise of your finals and papers, so although there's no reason why the decision to compare those two particular texts, writing an A-for the sake of having misplaced sympathies for criminals. Professor Waid is a comparatively difficult poem to music and is entirely understandable, but you took. Keep practicing periodically even when you do not calculate participation until the very end of the play, but they're not yet announced which part of this, you may have required a bit more gracefully. Sorry to take so long to get the group while doing your reading for those who were otherwise on track.

None of this is unlikely, because they haven't started the reading. We can talk about is some aspect of the implications of course. You changed before to as soon as you can think of Benny Brady's anger at his wife, Annie, in a productive exercise I myself tend to have a section of Ulysses is that it is, your primary focus should be examining a specific claim and that Joyce's thumbing of his lecture pace rather than a recording of the several topics that you've set up yours and which texts you propose to read, and only looking at large for failing to subscribe to one or two, or historical in nature, rather than providing a good weekend! As I said before, and went above and beyond.

[maggiec70]

I am in agreement with my dear, perceptive, and witty compatriot, Citizen Green Pixel, regarding this book. And just for laughs, here's my review from 2015 on Amazon:

Novels about the Napoleonic Wars from the French point of view are thin on the ground, swamped by Rifleman Sharpe and his brethren on land and thousands of Aubrey/Maturin clones on the seas. So when a book about the French pops up, I’m excited. I forget my usual rigorous due diligence about new books and new authors, and download what I hope will be a good, well-researched adventure to counter the overweening British monopoly on their view of the world between 1792 and 1815.

And here is uncharted territory—First Consul Bonaparte’s gauntlet thrown at the British and Austrians and their War of the Second Coalition, resulting in the victory at Marengo against the superannuated Austrian general Melas. Not the usual venue for readers believing the Iberian Peninsula is the only proper theater of war, besides the Seven Seas, of course. It’s also not the usual cast of characters—nary an Englishman from first to last, and Bonaparte is not yet emperor. The plot encompasses historical events of May and late June 1800, and fictional characters introduce fictional elements—duels, revenge, love affairs, greed, some espionage, and the usual male bonding. The main character, Antoine Chauvelle, is a minor aristocrat who apparently believed liberty, equality, and fraternity were preferable to privilege, and is now a captain with the 21st Chasseurs á Cheval, part of the Armée de Réserve preparing to cross the Alps, relieve the siege of Genoa, and attack the main Austrian army in Lombardy. The other characters include Chauvelle’s two close friends of differing backgrounds, his orderly, and a woman of distinctly lower socio-economic standing with whom he naturally falls in love. These characters have just enough personality to distinguish one from the other, but not enough depth to make one care about any of them. The historical characters, including First Consul Bonaparte, are adequate, and escape being one-dimensional, barely. The history of the campaign itself, critical for Bonaparte and his fledgling government, is accurate. The writing has few of the grammatical pitfalls most authors, whether traditionally published or self-published, exhibit these days with such appalling frequency. American readers should ignore British peculiarities of capitalization and punctuation, however, overlook frequent comma splices and run-on sentences, all of which are essentially trivial matters and don’t necessarily detract from the story.

So with an interesting plot that trots along nicely, even if it doesn’t exactly gallop, reasonable historical accuracy, acceptable fictional characters, mostly adequate portrayal of historical figures, and journeyman writing, what could go wrong?

Alas, quite a bit, in my view. The biggest problem is having metaphorically dressed British soldiers in French uniforms and hope no one notices that these now-French soldiers speak the King’s English, in every sense of the phrase. It is not enough to give one’s fictional characters reasonably accurate French names, know which regiment belonged to which division, describe one or two quirks or traits exhibited by senior generals, or depict a full-bore cavalry skirmish in breathless detail. One must also know how French officers and enlisted men addressed one another, how they interacted among the different ranks, and how they dealt with the clear socio-economic differences between them. The author stated in his “Historical Note” that he “deliberately used anglicised versions of the French military terms.” I won’t quibble about substituting the more recognizable “colonel” for the cumbersome “chef de brigade.”, but using “batman” for “ordonnance” instead of “orderly” is so British that it threw me out of the story every time I saw it. I will however, quibble about sentences like “Their loyalty was to their mates,” “Back to our lines, lads!”, “…are you going to stand on the doorstep all bloody night?” and “Too big a risk for a wily old bugger like Masséna.” These are quintessential Brit-Speak, by anyone’s standards, and not likely to elicit or maintain any sense of the French point of view.

Equally unfortunate are the anachronistic terms and Brit-Speak words and phrases peppering the story. Lest anyone thinks I’m making this up: “Sarge,” a term not used until after 1867; “bunkum,” American slang from 1841; “ponce,” British slang from 1872; “bugger” in the sense of “chap” or “fellow” is late 19th century; “Old Man” in the sense of a senior officer is also late 19th century, but made infinitely worse thus—“ The Old Man’s latest squeeze,” which adds a bit of slang from 1980; “…turn retreat into shambolic rout,” but not until 1961; “Be with you in a tick,” but not until after WWI; “Catch up with you in a mo, sir,” sometime in the late 20th century; and “..a dab hand,” circa 1828. My favorite, however, has to be the description of Sarrut, Chauvelle’s orderly/batman, as being “built like a brick ****house,” a phrase so mid-20th century that I couldn’t believe I was reading this particular phrase in this book.

I am also at a complete loss to comprehend why French people on the lower end of the socio-economic scale must speak as if they are related to Eliza Doolittle before her transformation by Professor ‘Enry ‘Iggins. Cases in point: “Well, ‘ave a look then….See what ‘e’s got.” And “Rosselet ‘is name was. And ‘e ‘ad a daughter, like.” This arrant and historically incorrect nonsense goes on for paragraphs throughout, the book.  I was also mystified by something called the “12th Aitch,” which after a little head-scratching, I figured out was the 12th Hussar Regiment. Blimey!

The whopping anachronisms, the Brit-Speak, the East End dialect—in other words, everything that makes these characters such risible examples of Faux French that any credibility in what is good about this book seems seriously undermined—could have been avoided by simply reading the memoirs of French soldiers such as Coignet and Elzear Blaze, for instance. Both have been translated into English. At least these two, among a number of others, provide a very clear picture of life on campaign and in the barracks among ordinary soldiers, how they spoke, what they thought, the interaction between them and their officers. After all, good historical fiction is more than adherence to a historical “timeline” of getting from Lake Leman to Marengo. It must also place the reader firmly in the middle of the historical milieu, to include accurate and convincing social, cultural, and linguistic elements, in addition to the political, economic, and military aspects.

While for the most part, the story exhibits a decent degree of factual accuracy, I found that some historical characters seemed to be victims of one-dimensional and trite descriptions. For instance, André Masséna was not simply an avaricious and amorous general—he exhibited a number of more notable qualities arising from the siege of Genoa, and Jean Lannes was more than a general who led his men forward, always forward, cursing at every opportunity. By the way, the expression saying his language could, “raise blisters on granite,” was coined by the late Colonel John Elting in his book, Swords around a Throne. And the comment Lannes made—“I was a grenadier once and so I am still” sounds impressive, but he didn’t say it until April 1809 at Ratisbon. More readers than I will also recognize these fallacies. Additionally, the relationships between some of the key players are also out of kilter. Colonel Bessières and Lannes did not have a long-standing rivalry in May 1800, as the fictional Chauvelle claims; their falling out would come much later. One generally does not ask a man one dislikes intensely to serve as a witness at one’s wedding in September 1800. The same caveat is true regarding Lannes and Murat—they were hanging out with each other as late as August 1808, sharing war stories and a lot of alcohol, despite the times when they competed with each other for top military dog status. I make these points because there are indeed a number of “purists” who read historical fiction set during the Napoleonic Wars. They can spot errors at fifty paces, regardless of which side of the conflict they prefer.

Finally, as a small aside, when Captain Chauvelle exited an inn and kicked a dog who had followed him outside, I decided right then that he was a despicable character, and began to hope one of the Austrians would eventually kill him. To be honest, there really wasn’t that much to his character to make me care, one way or the other.

I do wish this had been a better book. I wish it had even a little of the same gritty authenticity of Patrick Rambaud’s Napoleonic trilogy, particularly The Battle, which shows so well the world of officers and soldiers on campaign. I wish there had been more attention given to avoiding words, phrases, and language that are grating, inappropriate, and carelessly anachronistic. And I wish above all that this story and these characters were more French and less British. If I wanted British, I would have read Bernard Cornwell.

MALMAISON MEDIA SALON SOIRÉE 10: BITTER GLORY (2015)

1. The Introduction

Greetings, dear Neighbors. Welcome to the tenth soirée at the Malmaison Media Salon.

Now that I say it, it looks like we have an anniversary, so I hope we can have fun and celebrate the occasion... And do some historical analysis of Napoleonic fiction while we’re at it because why the fuck not?!

Anyway, today’s review subject is Bitter Glory by David Swatton and it was published in 2015, so that’s recent.

I don’t remember how exactly I stumbled upon this book for the first time but the summary promising an exciting adventure involving a conspiracy and the fact that it’s set during the Second Italian Campaign did get me hooked because... reasons.

But let me tell you, digging the bloody thing up was a fucking nightmare and, unfortunately, it’s not readily available online.

Moreover, the ebook version was only on the British and the Indian versions of Amazon but I still managed to get it on the website of Fnac (a chain of stores that sell books, gadgets, DVDs and other stuff) for 3,17 euros. So I guess for most people it will be either Amazon or Fnac to the rescue.

Anyway, was it worth the amount of money I could’ve spent on a cup of herbal tea and a slice of cake instead? Good question.

This review is dedicated to @maggiec70 (who also read the book and promised to say quite a bit about it in my review) and @josefavomjaaga .

2. The Summary

I already copied and pasted the summary in my announcement post but here it is just in case someone didn’t see that post:

“In 1800 Napoleon Bonaparte’s grip on the reins of power in Revolutionary France is far from secure. The French Army has seen serious reverses in the last three years and stands on the brink of another defeat with thousands of men besieged and starving in the city of Genoa. He needs a great victory to secure both his military and political position and he is looking to northern Italy to gain that victory. Like Hannibal two thousand years earlier he will cross the Alps with an army to fall upon his enemy. Caught up in this grand strategy is a young cavalry officer, Antoine Chauvelle, returning to his regiment from leave as they march to war. From the struggle over the mountains to the desperate fight for survival in a besieged and pestilential city, events sweep Chauvelle into a mad vendetta with a notorious duellist and a plot that could undermine the campaign and will culminate on the bloody battlefield of Marengo.”

At first glance (in my opinion) the premise sounds pretty cool and gives me the vibes of what could be a good adventure story, kind of like the swashbuckling novels I grew up reading.

Unfortunately, I found out the hard way that looks can be deceiving... Let’s unpack this one, shall we?

3. The Story

Like I said, I like the premise with a vendetta and a conspiracy. On paper, the plot could’ve been really good, which makes the fact that it isn’t oh so painful.

First of all, the novel likes to takes its sweet ass time and the introduction part (the one where we get to know the setting, the characters, etc) moves along with the speed of a pregnant snail which almost made me twist my jaw from yawning.

Don’t get me wrong, introduction is crucial and all, but I don’t need several fucking chapters spent on it! Move faster please!

By the way, the scenes of action like battles also tend to drag on for too long so I would rather watch a re-enactment than read all of that! (Shoutout to @michel-feuilly and @pobodleru who participate in re-enactments!)

Oh, and I also hate the fact that a major plot line (the one with the vendetta) gets an extremely anticlimactic resolution. For context: Chauvelle and this duelist guy are about to have their climactic duel, only for Lannes to break up the fight and tell them off because he needs both men for an upcoming battle. And that’s it!

No, really, that’s how the conflict ends, which is a bit disappointing to say the least, as I was hoping the two would still get an opportunity to fight later. Oh well...

I do like the scenes where Chauvelle (who is joined by Delombre, his close friend) investigates the conspiracy while staying in the besieged Genoa (Chauvelle was sent to Genoa to deliver a message to Masséna and it’s not the only time he does the delivery thing) but, like the introduction, those scenes end up being a bit too long at times and the bulky writing style doesn’t exactly help.

I did like the way the prologue was written at first, but I feel like it wasn’t that necessary as, ultimately, it doesn’t play into the main story as much as I hoped it would so I guess the book wouldn’t suffer if the prologue got removed completely.

That being said, I like several things: There’s no love triangle and the major female character isn’t a love interest. Sometimes the descriptions of battles are pretty good and the book doesn’t shy away from showing atrocities, blood, injuries and gore.

Also worth noting is the fact that a secondary character gets killed off and his death is final, which is something I appreciate in this context.

Unfortunately, the pacing here is the main buzzkill and there’s a bit of Thermidorian propaganda that implies Robespierre was a dictator who orchestrated the Terror. Which... not true.

4. The Characters

Antoine Chauvelle himself isn’t really my favorite. He has flaws, I’ll give him that, but I still find him a bit bland as a protagonist. I don’t know why, but I just cared about him less than I thought I would. I also kind of didn’t like that, after proving himself in one battle, he is quickly promoted to one of Lannes’s aides and entrusted with delivering a ton of valuable information... I think I would like Chauvelle to prove himself more before that. But he does get injured during the story so props for realism.

His sidekick in the story, Joseph Sarrut, is a different story. I like their “scoundrel and gentleman” dynamic and their interactions are heartwarming, like a buddy cop movie where the cops are already friends. Sarrut had a hard life, but he is not a bad person at all and is loyal to Chauvelle. I like that. Oh, and this is one of the few heroes with scars that I have seen in media so far, which deserves some credit as usually villains are the ones portrayed with scars.

As for the major female character, Claudine... I like her but I think her potential is kind of wasted. Probably justified as she is a sutler (or vivandière) but it still feels unfortunate because I would like to see more of her. I like that she is confident (relatively at least), wants to be independent and is genuinely kind.

Lannes here cusses a lot, has a temper but he can be reasonable and even friendly. After Chauvelle proves himself in battle, Lannes entrusts him with a few retconning missions and also with delivering several messages (which is the way the book explains how Chauvelle gets from place to place, @josefavomjaaga ).

(Spoilers ahead!)

Masséna is definitely his usual greedy self and he has a degree of vanity to him. He is also implied to be the person in the prologue who murdered the father of one of the conspirators and that... that came a bit out of the left field, but I guess it’s reason enough for that conspirator to want to discredit Masséna, even though it’s never outright confirmed who the killer was.

Eugene de Beauharnais is never mentioned. Sorry, @josefavomjaaga .

Napoleon is one of the minor characters and he definitely has his moments of anger but is also ambitious and apparently values lucky people. I don’t know how accurate his portrayal is though.

Murat gets a cameo during the battle of Marengo but you really have to play “Where’s Waldo” with the story to find him. Fortunately, he doesn’t seem to be a bumbling dummy so that’s nice. He is also brave in his cameo appearance so yeah. You may calm down, @joachimnapoleon .

Berthier, Bessières, Suchet and Desaix get cameos too, but the death of the latter doesn’t seem to affect Napoleon at all, so... that happened.

No, I’m serious, Naps isn’t seen reacting to Desaix’s death. I get that they aren’t the focus of the story but I would appreciate at least a mention? Because here it looks like Naps doesn’t give a shit.

I do appreciate the fact that multiple characters get credit for the outcome of the Battle of Marengo, by the way. Not just Desaix, but also Lannes, Murat, Victor, Kellerman... I like it.

Oh, and there’s a cameo from Larrey in a flashback. Which... nice but the flashback itself was random as fuck.

Fouché doesn’t appear but he is behind the conspiracy and he is naturally despicable! Yay! Seems to fit. Also the way he massacred people in Lyon isn’t glossed over.

5. The Setting

The style kind of didn’t let me fully enjoy them, but I think the settings aren’t bad, especially when it comes to the besieged city of Genoa, plague, famine and all.

However, the descriptions get too long and this is tiring.

6. The Writing

Ooh boy... I have complaints.

First of all, there are severe issues with editing. I know I have them too at times and I’m working on it, but you’d think an officially published book wouldn’t suffer from such problems. Nope, it definitely does!

For example, there’s a sentence “he severely” and I assume that the author skipped the word “said” in between because it’s in dialogue. What is this, a “fill in the gaps” exercise from English class?!

Second, there are no footnotes to explain what words in italics mean. How the fuck am I supposed to know what a voltigeur is without a footnote?! And that’s just one example of the problem. I know that readers are smart but I would rather not waste my time on googling because the author’s lazy ass didn’t bother with the explanations.

Last but not least, here’s the problem I saw in The Second Empress. The long flashbacks and descriptions completely break the immersion and get confusing as fuck.

I can write descriptions better than this and I would rather get them piece by piece in moderation than a wall of text, thank you very much. It’s like making chocolate chip cookies and dumping a whole bar of chocolate into the batter instead of using, well, chips incorporated evenly.

There are also anachronisms in the speech of the characters, like using the word “bastard” in its modern sense rather than a synonym of “illegitimate child”. And I’m not sure if f-bombs are anachronistic or not but I have the impression that they appeared a bit later?

But at least it’s from the third person’s prospective unlike Moran’s Napoleonic “masterpiece” that liked to play hot potato with first person chapters and multiple characters’ point of view.

7. The Cover

Here’s a point I don’t normally include as I don’t know jack about designing covers but good God is it fucking hard to read!

8. The Conclusion

As I said before, usually I don’t tackle historical accuracy so I can’t pass judgment on that.

However, I can say that the story drags on, waists a plot line and ultimately doesn’t deliver at all. Even I can do better and I have less experience with life, researching and writing than most authors of boring historical fiction.

Quick, someone, get me a deal so I can publish novels since it’s apparently alarmingly easy to churn out whatever the fuck I want!

(On a serious note, I definitely want to get published in the future and countering the bullshit in these bad novels is one of my reasons for writing. That, and I respect readers a bit to much to put up ridiculous shit.)

Anyway, I’d say the book isn’t worth your time and now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to look for good media to cleanse my palate. Hopefully you enjoyed the review and found it helpful, but I’m also curious about what @maggiec70 has to say.

Alright, on this note, let’s finishe our anniversary soirée.

Stay tuned for future updates, Neighbors, and stay safe.

Love,

- Citizen Green Pixel

[tondonellie06]

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An applicant may experience a few technical issues while working on the project, which we have discussed here.

 It is necessary to present a well-prepared Curriculum vitae.

The company's location, the name of the company, and the contact information for the organizations must all be included in the job history.

Important dates, such as the day you entered the company, the length of your job, the day you were paid, and so on, must be included.

On the paper, the job description must be stated.

You must apply the CPD in the exact format that the relevant authorities have defined.

English-language job episodes are currently available. A report with a word limit of 1000 to 2500 words is considered the highest. If there is a mistake in the study, it may cost you a lot of money, so make sure you use the correct language.

You have absolute control over the language and expression of your CDR for Engineers Australia. It should follow the EA guidelines in terms of format and writing style. Different countries use different grammatical patterns, making it difficult to keep up. Some mistakes to avoid while writing a CDR:

There are far too many prepositional expressions

Uncertain pronoun references

Splices with a comma

Adverbs should not be used excessively.

Plagiarism-free content

Writing on your own is the key path to avoid rejection. There will surely be many cdr report copies available online, but they are just for reference to give you a perspective for your report.

 English language test proof like IELTS, TOEFL 

 Detailed Resume copy that reflects your work experience, skills, and capabilities

Genuine document submission like your academic certificates, registration documents, other related training documents. 

Work experience certificate till date 

Proper format of career episodes with different projects done should be included. 

We at CDR Writers Australia offer our customers plagiarism-free CDR Writing services, one of the requirements for migrating to Australia.

We have experts who are fully familiar with the CDR Engineer Australia guidelines and can help you create the best report possible. If you cannot meet the CDR criteria as per the guidelines, please communicate with us and assist you in your migration to Australia.

[galina]

Hi! I really need help with writing essays, I'm a mess writing them and I feel really bad bc I'm studying literature too, do you have any advice?(I'm really sorry for my awful english)

Really short and useful books on good essay-writing: Hazel Hutchison, Essays and Dissertations Made Easy and Strunk/White, The Elements of Style. 

Don’t feel bad, essay-writing is a craft that needs to be developed and can always be improved; it takes time. Remember that there’s an element of subjectivity as to what constitutes a ‘good’ essay. Lecturers at my university often describe the criteria for a first-class essay as ‘being publishable’ so it’s not necessarily just about putting across your research or analysis. Just like well-written prose, an essay should show off your distinctive style/voice with a narrative that makes sense to the reader – a beginning (introduction), middle (argument) and end (conclusion). Choose conciseness and clarity over trying to drag out a point to fill up the word count. 

I’m sure you already know that you should plan or outline your essay before you start writing and lay foundations for your argument in your introduction that you can use to build your essay towards a conclusion. After that it’s just writing. Here is the advice given to me by one of my lecturers, which I think is very clear and might help:

The first principle of good writing is economy. The second is simplicity. Say as much as possible in as few words as possible.

Good writing depends upon the use of strong verbs and nouns. Regard adjectives as necessary nuisances, avoiding them if you can. 

Prefer active to passive constructions unless there is good reason to do otherwise. Active voice: I ate the biscuit. Passive voice: The biscuit was eaten by me. Although in the odd case the second form may be preferable—to emphasize the direct object, for example—the active voice is almost always better.

You must learn what constitutes a proper English sentence. Ignorance of it leads to the error known as the comma splice, avoid this mistake. (The preceding, faulty sentence commits the error it condemns.) In order to keep from committing this error, you need to know what constitutes an independent clause and a dependent clause. 

Vary sentence patterns, alternating among simple, compound, complex, and compound-complex forms. Write some short and some long sentences. If possible, break the monotony of the subject-verb-object construction. 

A paragraph is a developed idea. Therefore, avoid the temptation to write one- or two-sentence paragraphs.

Learn the rules for commas, semi-colons, and other punctuation marks.

Know what plagiarism is, what it is not, and how to avoid it. 

Print out your work when you proofread. 

Some brief advice from me: read lots of good essays. It seems obvious but the more essays you read the more you will get an idea of how to write one well. You can even analyse them as you would with prose, try and see how they do what they do and apply it to your own essays. Recommendations below :–)

Jonathan Culler, Literary Theory: A Very Short Introduction

Richard Hoggart, The Uses of Literacy

Hannah Arendt, Essays

David Hume, Essays – Moral, Political and Literary

Virginia Woolf, A Room of One’s Own

Naomi Wolf, The Beauty Myth

Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex

Mary Wollstonecroft, A Vindication of the Rights of Woman

Audre Lorde, Sister Outsider

bell hooks, Ain’t I a Woman

Jean-Paul Sartre, Existentialism and Humanism

George Orwell, Essays

Mary Oliver, Upstream: Selected Essays

Ben Lerner, The Hatred of Poetry

Norton Critical Editions often have good essays about different texts. Try Frankenstein, Beowulf, Heart of Darkness, or The Waste Land [full list here]

Try Verso for more essays and non-fiction books 

Aside from the above, essay-writing is a very personal process and everyone has a different way of working. Hope this helps a little. If it makes you feel better, your English is perfect and you don’t seem a mess at all – you’ve got this. Good luck with your future essays :–)