#this isnt okay. I keep letting it go because I keep forgetting and our relationship with our dr is cordial now

[straydogged]

feeling very uh. elden ring lobster gif at my dr and pharmacy rn

[syscultureis]

Plural culture is I just dont get it...why do endos want to be this? and why do people think others want or are faking all of this? Plural culture is I cant LIKE anything anymore. Plural culture is even if im ACTIVLY TRYING to not split and to ignore it all and just keep on keeping on and pretend my system isnt there I STILL split. I cant sit down and enjoy my day because my brain will take SOMETHING, ANYTHING, NOT EVEN A PERSON SOMETIMES and if I got enjoyment or even suffering out of it then its just THERE now and a part of me is missing. Plural culture is missing parts of yourself, loosing a skill or talent you loved that shaped who you were, forgetting the faces and voices of your loves ones, getting your memories rewriten for you, blinking and missing days or sometimes years. And thats just MY experience as host! Others in my system having to live their lives in the backseat, never being able to have one of their own or feeling like their hole point of existence is to make me happy or make sure we dont die. Sometimes I see how tired and drained the protectors are, how strung out the care takers are, the gatekeepers putting on a brave face for the good of the system to make us feel like maybe at least ONE of us has SOME kind of control only to find out that even they dont know everything or have control over it all. I see alters who are dating in our system wish and beg for a body just so they can hold hands like normal. Or others still who have had relationships outside the system wish they had a body independent of this one to go and be with who they want and do whatever they want. Its NOT all suffering and disorder yes of course and thats so very valid but like...even the most well adjusted systems deal with flashbacks, triggers, panic attacks I mean for fuck sake its not just some fun game or even a coping skill! Id RATHER NOT split or disassociate to be able to cope! Honestly id MUCH RATHER do things myself then switch but unfortunately I simply CANT no matter how much I want to! I HATE how low our split tolerance is because SPLITTING ISNT FUCKING FUN even when its painless! Even when its so subtle you dont notice! Because you loose something, a memory, your feelings, your sense of self gets rocked off its balance and honestly sometimes not knowing a split happed is WORSE cause youll just randomly start feeling like your not you anymore with no explanation as to why! Its so frustrating to see a bunch of people emulate the "fun parts" of my disorder and then when I get RIGHTFULY upset and say "hey its not like that it actually kinda sucks" they turn around and emotionally manipulate a group of people who are NUTORIOUS for not being believed by saying "Well because no one believes you then you should believe me because everyone has a different brain so actually I say that you dont need to be traumatized and have any of the bad shit your talking about and I get to have all the cool parts of it and your trying to oppress me by not letting me in your spaces" like???? Okay, so sorry for the rant and talking about endos and systemcorse and all. Sometimes it just all seems so ridiculous to me. When I see people say "real systems arnt hurt by people faking DID" and like??? no??? dont fucking speak for me???? Like yes stop fakeclaiming but like no dont say endos arnt "real systems problem" like I guess in practice sure but no and also BIG NO cause enods directly HAVE caused me problems so no, fuck that.

.

[smoluglies]

Hello! I first wanna lyk your art is beautiful!

I wanna ask for some advice. I got into art recently in my life, but am hesitating posting online like on a public account or on tumblr. A lot of my art i plan on using for a comic series and, hopefully later in my life, for a show. I am also a dummy who doesnt have my signature on my art. Im afraid of the possibilities of people or companies stealing my art, is there any way i can avoid this from happening?

My art is extremely personal, with the love of my life being my muse and our relationship always being my inspiration. It would probably break me if my art was stolen.

I notice that you sell your art. Does this make it easier to make sure it isnt stolen? Have people or companies ever used your prints/art?

I am debating if i should do the same. But is it normal to sell prints of art i would eventually use for a comic and show, especially if it'd happen years from now?

Hi! I’m not sure if I’m the right person to give advice on this subject as I don’t have that much experience in selling art but I’ll try to give my perspective on this. However, please take my advice with a grain of salt and be sure to do some additional research on this matter :)

I think that there is nothing that can truly protect your art from being stolen, especially if you’re a popular artist. That being said, I don’t think this should stop you from posting your art and sharing it with the world, as I think the positives outweigh the negative aspects of sharing your art and being part of the art community. Some things I would do to help prevent your art from being stolen and sold by others is:

use a watermark on your image, or at least a signature - that way if people stumble upon your art they will know what to search for to find the artist (but this is something I keep forgetting to do as well so I don’t blame you for not doing it 😭)

post low res images or scans of your art - I think most social media platforms already downgrade the quality of your images, but it’s better to be safe than sorry - so instead of posting a high-resolution image on your blog/site add a lower-quality version - this doesn’t stop anyone from stealing your art but perhaps it lowers the risks because nobody would want to purchase pixelated prints, right?

Selling your art as prints or merch won’t guarantee that someone might steal it and also sell it, but I guess if someone likes your art and wants to purchase it your shop would be the first place they would go to.. if that makes sense 😅 especially if you add your name / username on your art piece cause then it would be easier for them to find your shop. And I think it’s okay to include your art in comics, zines or artbooks etc in the future, even if it’s in a few years from now. And, no, I have never come across anyone making a profit from my art without my permission.

Sharing your art online does come with risk but I think at the end of the day it’s a wonderful thing to do because you can connect with others through it - your art can resonate with someone or evoke certain emotions in them and I think that that’s fascinating and beautiful 🥰 but if sharing something deeply personal would make you anxious or vulnerable then you can treasure that piece of art and keep it private. Like you can do both, you know? You can post some art pieces and leave the rest hidden from the world and have them available only for you and your significant other <3 If you decide to post your art here on tumblr be sure to let me know so I can check it out! 💖

[mndv-lia]

.-.. .. ...- . / .... .- .--. .--. .. .-.. -.-- / .-- .. - .... --- ..- - / -- .

your note is unavailable btw so whatever you said i didnt read

Elle, are we still friends? if we are then i’m asking you as your friend, please leave me. I’m not worth all the pain. dont say i am.

elle, stop loving me. its not good for you or anyone, you’re only hurting yourself. and dont you tell me that you’re fine with that because you know that deep down you arent. stop loving me not just because i cant love you back like that pero also for urself. stop wasting your efforts. you cant just keep waiting hopelessly for a chance, because i’m telling you there isnt one. i’ve told you everything that there is to know and im telling you again that you shouldnt love me anymore. its becoming toxic for you. STOP RISKING YOUR OWN RELATIONSHIPS FOR ME. you may think that im worth it but im not. wag mong sabihin na worth it ako kse hindi talaga totoo un. im not waiting for anyone and you shouldnt wait for me. stop waiting. im not telling you to leave me behind because of all people you should know that i cant do that either. Im telling you to leave what you felt for me behind. think of me as the most shittiest person you’ve ever met.

elle, you can let go of me, maybe you just dont want to. i shouldnt be holding you down from loving other people elle. i have never tried to hold you down from loving other people just as you have loved me. i just want to be your friend again, kahit wag nang bestfriend.

but we cant start over anymore, how tf are we going to do that. i told you that i want us to take a break from each other because di ko na talaga kinaya. i cant always look at you and want to vomit my whole fucking stomach out, i cant always feel so heavy whenever you walk past me, i cant always feel as if i killed someone just because i couldnt say a single bitchass word to them. our friendship wasnt healthy anymore elle. it wasnt. it was hurting you and me. what kind of friendship is that?

elle, i cant control you or anyone. no one can ever forget someone whose made a big impact in your life. but moving on isnt forgetting elle, it’s accepting. di talaga makakalimutan ng tao. its accepting. im not worth what youre giving me elle, kaya move on. because the more you hold on the more you wont be able to. stop telling yourself im worth it and live your life. you are one of the most amazing person i have met in this life so please, please dont waste all that for me. hate me if you want it’s okay, just dont hold onto me any longer. take care of yourself. stop waiting. Dont hurt yourself just for me. please.

live your life happier, even kung di na ako kasama dun.

If this is the last time i’ll ever make you something like this, then i’d like to say goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye Elle.

[moemoemammon]

could you write a thing about how the bros would react to an asexual MC ?? I love all of your writing ! it makes me feel so happy and valid, thanks for everything you do !!!

The Demon Bros react to Asexual MC!

(I can vibe with this as a fellow ace ✌️)

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

Lucifer

Lucifer might not present himself that way, but he's a man with physical desires. But do you know what he loves more than that?

YOU. Your mental and physical well-being, your emotional and romantic fulfillment, everything about you is his priority.

And do you think he’d stoop so low that he’d be upset by your orientation? No, he takes I with a grain of salt because it does nothing to change how much he values you, and being with you.

If anything, he's happy that he can focus on the more intimate emotional aspects of your relationship. You're the only person he wants to let into his heart, and he hopes you feel the same way.

"Did you think I would be upset? How lowly do you think of me? I assure you, just being able to have you by my side everyday is more than enough, MC."

Mammon

"Hah? That's all??"

Look, Mammon's not always the most... empathetic. Or he doesn't really choose the best words for a situation? He can come off as kinda crass, but he means well.

That being said, he doesn't understand how much coming out meant to you until you tell him. He's not trying to undermine your feelings, but he thinks you're silly for being so worked up.

To be frank, he's insulted that you'd be afraid to tell him! He's THE Great Mammon, you know? He's met all KINDS of people in his time, so something like this isn't gonna shake him one bit!

"Listen, and listen well! I'm yer FIRST. Know what that means? It means yer MY first! W-well I mean... you're the most important to me, so you bein' happy is all I care about. And dontcha forget that!"

Levi

Topics like this were always difficult for Levi. Deep emotions, being vulnerable, offering comfort... Video games made it seem so easy, but there were no multiple choice options irl!!!

Yet as nervous as he was, there was no way he couldn't respond to your heartfelt confession when he saw the conviction, and worry of judgement in your eyes.

He knew that feeling all too well; being afraid of how others would perceive you. Wondering if they'd think you were weird, treat you differently, isolate you...

And e won't let you feel alone! In fact, he suddenly grabs your hands into his own and gives them a tight, but reassuring squeeze.

"MC! I'm... you know I'm here for you, right? I really.... th-... even if I'm not the greatest at this, you know I'll always try for you, don't you? I'll do anything in the world for you! And something like this isn't enough to shake our bond! So don't be afraid to tell me things, okay?"

Satan

He might not look it, being a humongous nerd, but Satan does have desires of those kinds. He's definitely the most demonic of his brothers too, and being the Avatar of Wrath means he's more inclined to act on his desires.

Yet somehow you, a simple human, managed to curb those desires entirely and calm his turbulent heart.

You changed his world; the way he views himself and his relationships with others, the way he handles his emotions...

He can't help but be in awe of you, at times. You calm him even more than the comfort of books and the company of felines. So even if he can't "hold" you, his soul will always be satisfied with but having you near.

"If I'm being honest, I prefer YOU more than anything. You complete me, MC. The calm face I'm always upholding... it feels so much more natural when you're with me. I'm happy when you're with me. It almost feels like a fairytale, so... what more could I ask for?"

Asmo

Bro,,,,,,, 😔✌️💦

Jokes aside, Asmo is the Avatar of Lust, so you already know how he feels about physical relationships.

But since you've come along, he found himself understanding the importance of actual heartfelt romance. There's so much more to love than what he realized.

Even if all he knows is the physical aspect of showing his love, he finds himself valuing the romance even more. The way you look right through his facade to see who he is inside, the way you pick apart his personality and admire the softest parts, the way you genuinely enjoy his company for more than what he can give you...

"Why are you making that face? Did you think I'd whine and cry over it? Love, if there's ANYTHING in this world I care about more than physical affection, it's YOU. You know that, don't you? Now give me your other hand so I can start on the rest of your nails~"

Beel

Is that a food

JK Beel isn't THAT much of a muscle-head. He might not the type to take much of an interest in sexual orientations, but he at least has a general understanding of them. Just doesn't give em too much thought.

But I can kinda see Beel leaning that way? Of course he'd be fine with whatever you ask of him, but he's more interested in emotional fulfillment, rather than physical.

When it comes to you and the people he cares about, what he loves most is to see everyone happy. And you? He loves spending time with you. Eating with you, playing sports, hiking the mountain trail, sightseeing in town, yoga... Beel wants to experience so much more with you.

"You do know that I don't mind about that, right? Um... I like it best when you're smiling next to me, so I want to do my best to keep things that way. If that's all, then do you want to go to Madam Scream's with me? I want to get you something. My treat."

Belphie

"Ah, that's a shame..."

He's kidding, as a gremlin like him tends to do, and emphasizes that when he sees the sour face you make. Belphegor may be the type that likes it best when he gets what he wants, but that's in moderation.

What he wants the most in this world, more than sleeping, stargazing, or anything else, is you. He hardly got to spend any time with you compared to the other brothers! Do you really think he wants to spend that time thinking about touching you?

He wants to know your heart, and give you his in exchange. He wants to show you that what he introduced himself to you as isnt who he really is. He wants you to know how much he REALLY cares, more than his words can convey. Maybe one day, he'll be able to say it properly?

"You really worry about the strangest things, don't you? Getting so worked up... Come over here." Belphegor wraps his arms around you, making sure you can hear his heartbeat. "....That's what you're doing to me. Can you hear it? Spending everyday with you, like I'm stuck in the perfect dream.. do you think I'd give it up all because of that? I'm way too greedy. I'm keeping all of you, that part and all."

[just-a-fangirl13]

Thoughts & Theories about MacGyver 5x10 [MacRiley]

HOLY SHIT! 

This episode was absolutely INSANE. Im writing out my thoughts once and for all because I need to stop thinking about everything that happened (I highly doubt I will be able to but here's to trying)

SPOILERS FOR 5x10 OFCOURSE

Straight off the bat, I was screaming *internally* and yelling at Mac when he showed the diamond to Bozer. I suspected it yesterday when we got the snippet of Murdoc saying the words DIAMOND and RING with extra emphasis..(everyone on twitter said I was jumping to conclusions.. I thought so too honestly) But damn I did NOT expect them to actually do that!

Now here's why I am not mad about it anymore. [this is my interpretation you are free to disagree]

Firstly, when Mac told Bozer he was going to propose he didnt say I’m doing it because I love Desi or I want to spend the rest of our lives together or because she’s the one (doesn't mean he doesnt care for her ofcourse)

He said “Ever since I lost my dad & Jack, I have been thinking about the bigger picture and a commitment to make things work is exactly what Desi and I need right now. A grand romantic gesture.” He wanted to propose for stability so he could finally be on the same page with her. They never really defined their relationship before and this was a way for Mac to final bring it together. A grand romantic gesture is usually something people use to win their partners back which is what Mac was trying to do I guess. It almost sounds like he has to do it so he doesn't lose her again 

(ill get to my second reason in the end)

Then ofcourse Bozer tells Riley about it so she can be prepared. Bozer is such a good friend. He is supportive of Mac AND wants to protect Riley. I love him for it! He really is doing everything to be the best friend he can to both of them. (Leannas death was so painful and I just want to hug him but thankfully Riley had that covered.)

Next we get the BIG REVEAL. The moment all of us had been waiting for. 

The moment that SHOOK Angus MacGyver and CHANGED EVERYTHING!

Rileys Feelings!

“You want me to say it out loud? Fine. Yes I had feelings for Mac. There I said it. and yeah watching him and Desi together was breaking my heart so I moved out of his house. I should have said something to him a long time ago but I didn’t and now its over. ”

I had the opposite of a HEART ATTACK! (my heart rate was through THE ROOF!)

I have to say they really really outdid themselves on this reveal. 

SIDE NOTE: If anyone comes for Riley and tries to call her a slut or a home wrecker? You will have me to deal with. Even after Murdoc played the clip of her confession she still tried to deny it and brush it off so it wouldn't complicate things for Mac and Desi. If Riley had wanted, she could have easily told Mac this to his face while he was dating Desi and then let things happen from there but she DIDNT. She kept that secret buried so deep she herself was in denial.

(also if anyone calls Mac a player or anything like that.. I will end you. He is doing his best to deal with everything that has happened to him and people keep giving him shit for it....)

Anyways, we see Mac’s expression & he is just confused and shocked and clearly not trying to think about it because it changed EVERYTHING for him. 

[Murdoc saying I THINK IM ON TEAM RILEY was a HUGE HIGHLIGHT for me! I love him so damn much!]

Desi took it really well too actually. If they keep going down this road of growth and maturity for her I think I could actually like her again. (Russ too when he apologised to Bozer) 

She didnt throw a hissy fit or say I knew it or look at Riley like she was the villain. She focused on the mission & I respect her for that.

(Riley does say, “the next thing you are going to hear on that recording-” and then gets cut off by Desi.. If this will come into play at some point later on or if it was just her trying to explain herself, remains to be seen.)

Then after the climax, we finally hear Riley say the words to Mac in real time and we get our FIRST MacRiley hug of the season! 

At this point I thought they would agree to be friends and make the friendzone thing clear BUT NOPE. (you have no idea how happy I am about it not going down like that!)

I was also a puddle on the floor. SO

“Mac look-”

“You don’t have to say anything if you dont want to. Really.”

“I want to. Last year in Germany. I realised I was starting to have feelings for you. Real feelings. I didnt want to make anything weird between you and Desi. I didnt want to mess up our work or our friendship so I decided to bury it. Until the feelings passed.”

“Emotions aren’t a science. You can’t control them.”

Gosh they are so perfect together! The way they look at each other and the HUG! OH MY GOD THE HUG! Its just perfection.

Now we also see this from Desi’s POV. Again no anger or jealousy from her. I think it was an understanding. She realised that she and Mac were never going to work.. maybe a little pain but honestly everything that went down with her and Mac was her fault too. The lack of trust and understanding was always a problem for them. Sure, things were going well but she didnt seem like she was ready for a commitment if im being honest. If Mac had proposed I think Desi would have said no.(again nothing wrong with that) 

She didnt want to label their relationship..they haven't said the words I love you to each other and I dont think they even live together. It really was way too sudden.(these are just things im assuming people define how well a relationship is going by.. I have no experience.)

Then ofcourse we have what im calling the goodbye scene. Its the break up before the break up in my opinion.

Desi tells Mac that they should pretend the last 24 hours never happened (that might actually include Mac wanting to propose but make of it what you will..) and that they should have a clean slate. But its very clear from Mac’s face and Desi sees it too that he isnt 100% onboard with it. He cant forget about it.

Which is when Desi says “Look Mac just do whatever you feel is right” and Mac looks confused.

She then gives him a goodbye kiss. 

Look if you have ever watched any show/movie before where the characters are saying goodbye to each other or breaking each others hearts...THERE IS ALWAYS A KISS ON THE CHEEK. A final farewell of sorts. 

That is what it seemed like to me. It was Desi telling Mac to do what he has to. Even if it inevitably leads to their break up.

Again real emotional maturity from Desi here!

Then we get the scene, Monica Macer (the show runner) tweeted about back in December.

Mac knocking on someones door. If im being honest? I thought it was Desi’s place and he was going to propose...

BUT it turned out to be Riley’s.

Mac clearly hasn't stopped thinking about what happened. I wouldnt either if my best friend who has put her life on the line for me and trusts me 100%, now has feelings for me? That would turn my world upside down too.

especially if I had feelings for her that I buried so deep that I never acknowledged them.

Also this is my scenario for how their first kiss goes down just FYI.. (Mac showing up at Rileys doorstep and finally confessing his feelings and kissing her *probably won't happen that way now though, but I still love it*)

Mac hesitates for a second before finally knocking on her door.

“Mac? Everything okay?”

“I can’t pretend like the last 24 hours didnt just happen. They did. So I gotta ask. Did it work?”

“Did what work?”

“Hiding your emotions and letting it pass. Did they go away?”

and I proceeded to pass out. My brain just checked out...

Now initially in all my freaking out I thought Mac was asking Riley about his feelings. If HE buried them deep enough would he still be able to move on with Desi but then I rewatched it and I realised he was asking RILEY if her feelings were still there, if there was still a possibility of something ever happening. 

She never told him its all good now! my feelings are gone and it was a long time ago. She told him she buried it but he needed to know if a future with Riley was something tangible. 

BASICALLY ANGUS MACGYVER ASKED RILEY DAVIS IF SHE WAS STILL IN LOVE WITH HIM. *I think I need to go to a hospital now*

So this was my second reason for not being annoyed about the proposal. The writers used it to show what a huge impact it would have on Mac. How much Rileys feelings would actually mean to him. the GAME CHANGER it would be.

A friend of mine said it was kinda funny and a little jarring but I liked it. (I could have done without the proposal) But I understand why they did it. They couldnt have Mac and Desi break up the same day Riley’s feelings came out because then people would hate Mac. They had to make him want to take the next step with Desi but then drop a bomb on him, that would make him question everything.

Again this is what I took away from it.

BUT GOSH WAS THIS EPISODE AMAZING!

I do get that some people are not happy with this and some said it was too sudden *not like we’ve been waiting since season 1 or anything* but I think after 5x11 things will slow down again. Mac may break up with Desi only at the end of the season when he finally comes to terms with his feelings. (Some people are still cautious and I get it but after everything that just happened I find it hard to believe that Mac and Riley won't end up together after all.. not to mention the leaked script conversation between Mac and Riley from 5x15)

Now I dont know how the final scene ends.. they definitely dont get called away for their solo mission immediately after because Mac’s cheek injury is relatively healed in this stills, which means Riley does answer Mac’s question. She may try to avoid it or deflect but he is standing right there so...who knows.

Next weeks episode is a MacRIley solo mission and lets just say things definitely are heating up a bit..*wink wink*

YUP IM HYPED. 

BRING ON THE SEXUAL TENSION AND THE ANGST!

[youranxiousnerd]

Showtime Thoughts

bc i am in love with julia lester

spoilers below

First off, why is this episode so short?

ngl i forgot mazzara was a regular

ricky ded besties

awww nina and the letters 

she looks very good in her dress

ashlyn and ricky look so good

“We’re screwed!���

ash and ricky are too funny like where were they this season?

chaotic and pretty best friends

sidenote, why did they go see north high’s production? 

oh my god ricky and nina are talking

SEBLOS IN THE BACKGROUND

i am taking what i can get

RICKYS FACE WITH THE CARD!!!!!!!!

my favorite part of the episode

his makeup looks very good

he looks very good

as @organic-guacamole said, he is very pretty

its been like three minutes and it already is so chaotic

yessss kourtney’s mom!!!

so howie and kourt are fine? gah since when?

“look for the shortest fork” mood

I CANNOT TAKE EJ SERIOUSLY HE LOOKS LIKE AN ANGRY BIRD

big bird ej comin at you

oh

PORTWELL DATE

wait isnt this ejs last show? is he going to miss his last afterparty for a date?

true love bitches

GINA MY LOVE

“Is he with us?”

NORTH HIGH SET OUR BEST BOI ANTOINE ON FIRE APS GET READY

seb being a supportive boyfriend is everything i needed

jenny is frazzled

i love how all the techie turned actors are nervous at some point during the episode

REDLYN CONTENT

awww thats so cute love the callback!!!

ooo howie is here

love how the writers leave a cliffhanger and then close the book before it turns to tragedy with one line

mazzara and ej, thats it

jenn what

why is mike there?

that was so unnecessary like aren’t mike and jenn over?

LILY

“did we forget to build a moat around the school” 

let ricky be single challenge

she just said “lol” i cant

props to ricky for keeping calm during the show after he saw mike and jenn

ah so lily is a child of divorce?

“lily scram”

RICKY AFTER THE CURTAIN OPENS WHY IS THIS FUNNY

STOP MAZZARA IS THE VOICE OVER

HE SOUNDS REALLY GOOD

how did ricky do that so fast-

put on gloves over the cast, makeup, and a mask?

i dont work with costumes 

AMERICA EXPLAIN

The one scene we get from the show...

Yay Steph!!!!

“Big Red has not thrown up in twenty minutes” ashlyn’s little smile

“she heard wrong”

someone please explain how spotlighting the judge is a good idea it makes it seem like things went wrong

“Carlos is a seasoned professional” honey carlos is on the verge of a mental breakdown

“He says help

Communication

Seb translating for Carlos is beautiful dramatic, yes, but im right. 

im so proud of them. they go from not talking for a week to seb being able to tell how carlos is feeling based off a stoic expression.

SOULMATE SHIT

IM SORRY NO BOP TO THE TOP CALLBACK

LIKE NONE

WHO WANTS TO RIOT WITH ME?!?!

wait so carlos goes from on the verge of a mental breakdown to full on performing and speaking?!?!?!? Speaking well too, not stumbling.

he looks so comfortable on stage when not even ten minutes ago he looked like he was going to vomit?

h e l p

ashlyn’s little laugh!

NINI IS A FORK IM LAUGHING THIS IS GREAT

big red lookin’ at his girl

ricky what are you doing?

ASHLYN AND GINA

I QUIT THEY’RE ADORABLE

GET IT KOURTNEY

howie’s little mouth drop

i cant with sebs costume i should not be laughing how is he able to do a kick line

ASHLYN MY LOVE

be our guest was enjoyable. it had a lot of moving parts. frankie and dara sounded really good. it’ll probably grow on me the more i listen to it.

is it just me or did be our guest lack some energy?

NATIALIE IS SO AGGRESSIVE

awww gina bb

portwell!!

“my mom sent me jordan fisher”

big red and ricky!!!

...what is big red doing? has he been faking sick?

“PLEASE EVERYONE REMAIN IN THE SAME ROLE YOU STARTED IN” 

BEST LINE OF THE SEASON OMFG 

alright what the hell is up with howie?!?

kourtney is so excited and then downer howie comes to ruin it

nina just write “thanks for being the best bro and glad youre not dead”

btw kourtney and gina look really good in their costumes

ASHLYN!!!!

SHES SO PRETTY THANK YOU

redlyn!!

gina and jamie!!! 

he looks so proud

glad gina gets to see her family!

cute scene, jordan is a nice addition!

RICKY AND THE BOWL

julia lester is killing it with the vocals

big red is so in love

seb bouncing in the costume 

“she’s never looked at me that way before” evil smirk

PORTWELL GLANCES

my heart fricking stopped when carlos went on stage 

being early on your cue/missing is awful would highly not recommend

a bop to the top callback after this would have been perfect

those harmonies!!

THEYRE SO IN LOVE

ummm phone call?

CHIPS BIG SCENE

...why wasn’t seb cogsworth? 

alright that was really good. everyone (even the backup) sounded really good. portwell rights! ashlyn rights! kowie rights! acting rights! 

so mazzara and jamie?

Ashlyn is the perfect Belle fight me

“Eat it Zackey Roy!” how about “yay kiddos, nice job!”

ej’s little dance

“bc you’re ginas brother” 

he is enamored by her it is adorable

EJ CASWELL RIGHTS

“hey, jordan fisher, would you like to f up one of three stableish ships in hsmtmts?” “sure, im in!”

ej!!!

aww hopefully he doesnt take the conversation too heart. they both like each other so much.

Portwell is so enjoyable to watch.

return of the bro

ej go get your girl dont worry about her brother please

SOMEONE TOUCHED THE PROPS

all hands on deck

“Can you just jump off something high”

I seem to remember Ricky falling from something high last episode, is that correct? 

She tells this to one of her most UNSTABLE kids

Oh shit

Miss. Jenn

Wtf

like what the actually hell

look at the kids faces they’re heartbroken

Miss. Jenn why. You’re stressed about the show, but you’re not performing it. They are. They have to worry about lines and cues and pitches, not you. Miss. Jenn has literally gone at the kids this season. Opening night speech too Ash and Ricky, shutting Seb down, that comment. She has become obsessed with the Menkies and North High. It has gotten really bad. These kids have put everything into this show, even their relationships (both platonic and romantic) and that is how you repay them? 

I didn’t think they would address this, I lost hope after last week but I am so glad they’re going too.

Someone send Seb after Miss. Jenn please, let him rip into her, he would do very well.

Miss. Jenn is supposed to be the role model and she just told a kid to jump off something high.

nina has been a godsend this episode, props to her!

haven’t been the biggest nini fan this season (off and on for me), but she was very behaved this episode. 

if there is anything the east high kids are good at, it’s bullshitting their way out.

“aim for my face” character growth

I KNEW IT

LILY WHY HOW WHEN WHY 

WTF THEY END THERE I CANNOT WITH CLIFF HANGERS

I liked the episode. Didn’t love it, but liked it. I really wish we got to see more acting, like we didn’t even see Big Red and E.J go on stage. Not even the iconic yellow dress. Some of the drama is so unnecessary, like why Mike and Jenn? What is with the Kourtney and Howie drama the writers insist on having, can’t they just be happy?

Besides the whole harness incident (burn that harness and mask it is causing so many problems) the production went very well, too well. This is East High we’re talking about.

Promo thoughts because what

oo they’re sneaking, maybe Big Red’s thingy

YES ASHLYN GETTING THE LOVE SHE DESERVES

oo Kowie confession?

portwell please be okay

what is up with carlos’ hair?

so seb, miss. jenn, and carlos scene? this has the potential to be very beautiful.

“It’s not over” not this again... 

i’m thinking carlos and seb are going to talk to miss jenn.

Sidenote, if we do not get a good seblos scene I will riot.

Hopefully Miss. Jenn apologizes with a billion sorrys

rini you just broke up please dont get back together 

im scared

if it is a scene where they close the book i will be very happy

Are we getting a flash forward scene? I’m pretty sure Miss. Jenn said Menkies aren’t till two plus weeks after the show.

We know based off the promo pics Ej and Gina are at the cast party, what went wrong?

Wait do we not get to see the finale of the show?

We better see the goddamn transformation

how does lily home and core four song fit in? im more curious about the lily one.

In conclusion, I am not ready for this to be over and the transformation needs to be sent to hell.

[laboflove]

Oikawa & Iwa X FR

•Aged up•

Word Count- 2363

❗Warnings❗{Smut, angst, praising, infatuation, ridiculing, cheating, body shaming}

A/N: Thicc Y/N who's dating Oikawa and although he says he loves her it doesnt seem that way.

He smiles as he sees your eyebrows pushed together, you were always so cute when you were angry, he just wanted to keep making fun of you to see that face. "Tooru" you suddenly say making his smile fade, "Yeah?" He says confused and your phone buzzes, "Nevermind, I have to go, Iwa is here" you say then kiss his cheek before leaving.

A frown forms on his face as he sees you walk off, you were always hanging out with Iwaizumi. It made him mad because you were HIS girlfriend not Iwaizumi's. He huffs then leaves as well, whatever, hed just make you remember how great it is to date him.

You walk in to find him on your bed and he smiles, "Hey" you both say, you climb onto the bed forgetting about today at work and he pulls you onto his chest. "Did you gain weight? Damn" he says with a chuckle making the thoughts come back, "I think, I'll lose it dont worry" you whisper as you move off and onto the side.

He pulls you close, his hands trailing your body making you anxious, you werent skinny like other girls, you had curves and Oikawa would always tease you about it, middle school to now and you always tried to lose weight but youd gain it back. An endless cycle and honestly the last thing you wanted right now was for him to be touching you like this.

Yet you dont stop him, instead closing your eyes and trying to fall asleep but his hands get more touchy, soon enough spreading your legs. "Not tonight Tooru" and his frown appears again, that's the second time this week you've called him that. "Okay" he says then turns around and you both fall asleep, one angry and confused and the other filled with dark thoughts.

"I just dont understand, shes been calling me Tooru this entire week, why?" He says as he passes the ball to Iwa, "Its your name" He says making him huff. He knew it was his name but you've never called him that before, so why now?!

"I dont like it, she never calls me that so why now? Did I do something wrong?" He says and Iwa stops, "You always make fun of her, im surprised she hasn't dumped you yet" and Oikawa's mouth goes dry. His biggest worry, something he never wants to happen, for you two to break up, you meant everything to him, youd always lift him up, give him pointers and take care of him. You couldn't leave him, you're all he had.

"S-she knows I'm just kidding, I don't mean any of it" he says then the ball flies towards him, "Iwa-!", "It always sounds like you mean it, you tell her shes fat, that shes not pretty enough, that she isnt smart, terrible shit but you never say that you're just kidding. Even then you shouldnt say shit like that to someone who already deals with criticism as it is, you especially shouldn't say it to her because shes your goddam girlfriend" he leaves and Oikawa clenches his fists.

"Hey!" And he looks back, "Do you like her?!" He yells out earning a nod making his blood boil, "I've liked her since middle school, even more in high school and the most right now, but she made the stupidest decision on dating you" and he walks off again.

"Youd never leave me right?" He asks as he rests his head on your chest, you dont answer making him look up with dim eyes, "You would?" He asks and you sigh, "If something were to happen yes but just breaking up with you for no reason would not happen" and he nods. "Um, what would be the reason?" He whispers remembering the conversation with Iwa, "If one of us cheats, I'd never do it but well..." you stop and he looks up at you.

"I-im sorry, I'll never hurt you like that ever again, so please dont leave me" you nod then place a kiss on his head.

He looks back at the tv but hes barely focusing on it, only remembering that night. He was drunk, saying terrible stuff and when he woke up he found you in front of him, sitting down, looking super tired and your eyes were so dry and red. He didnt know why till he looked around and found unfamiliar clothes, women's clothes.

You didnt talk to him about it, none of you brought it up and soon you were both back to normal but he knew that all trust created was gone.

His thoughts are broken by the familiar buzz pattern and you pull the phone to your ear, "Hey" you say with a smile, why cant you smile like that when you talk to him? Why doesnt your voice get all cute and soft with him? Why is it only with Iwa?

"Oh I'm with Oikawa" you say as your hand runs through his hair, he smiles and even more as you rest it on his cheek. "I-iwa" your hand twitches slightly and he can feel your aura change, "Dont call me until your done with that crap, God, you're worse than Oikawa" you put your phone down and he looks up at you.

"What's wrong?" He asks but you shake your head, "Its nothing, just Iwa being a bit of an asshole" he nods and you look at the tv.

"He doesnt love you, he says all that shit which he shouldnt be saying, what if he cheats on you again huh? "

You let out a sigh then close your eyes, uh oh, you're pissed.

"Hey" you hear, turning around you see them and shoot a smile, "Hey guys" you say as you slowly come to a stop. "Whatre you doing here?" One asks, "Oh uh well you know working out" you say and they nod. "Any specific reason? You look perfect already" you laugh making them confused, "Yeah right, if I was Oikawa wouldnt judge me 24/7" you say and they tilt their heads.

"Anyways, I'm gonna get back to this" you say with a small smile and they head to the other side, "Whatre you thinking?" Akaashi asks as Bokuto glares in your direction. "I'm thinking that I want to kill Oikawa", "As much as I'd love to help you do that, its illegal" he says and he huffs. "Only if i get caught".

"Whatre you doing?" He asks as his arms wrap around your waist, you step off and you smile, "Yes" you say and he rubs your stomach, it's not as squishy as before. "I finally lost 15 pounds" you whisper with a large smile and although he should be congratulating you it doesnt make sense. "Whyd you lose weight?" He asks and you look back, "For you, you wanted me to lose it remember?" You say and he looks at you in the mirror.

"I'll love you no matter what", "Haha, yeah right Mr. I want a trophy wife who's beautiful and perfect" you say then move away, his heart clenches hearing you say the words he regrets telling you. He didn't want anyone but you.

"Y-you know I love you right?" He says and you look at him, you dont say anything making his heart break. "I do Tooru, it's just hard to believe" and he looks down, "Okay".

"Y/N" he says for the thousandth time this night, "Are you even listening to me?! It's like you dont care about me! You're always off with Iwaizumi doing God knows what! Why cant you just love me! Only me!" The tears keep falling but you dont look back and you dont let a sob escape. For three days it's been like this, him finding anything to ridicule about and making sure you knew how terrible of a girlfriend you were.

You stand then look at the tree your parents gave you, well it was meant for both of you, something to resemble your love for each other, always growing and alive till death.

A sigh escapes your lips and you walks up to it, "Just as I suspec-", "If I cut this down does that mean were done too?" You ask surprising him. "What does that mean?" He asks and you turn to look at him, "I want to break up" and he looks down. You're crying, you're actually crying, hes never seen you cry, you always refused to look at him whenever you did so hes never got to see it and he wishes he never did.

"Why?", "Why? Why?! Why else Tooru?! Every second I spend with you hurts me! The love in our relationship cant even compare to the amount of pain there is! You give me so much shit and i try to be better, i try to become someone perfect for you but theres always something! I dont love Iwa like I love you! I never have! I only love you but it's like you dont think i do! Even though you're the one that cheated! You're the one that broke the trust! I should've broke up with you before!" You cover your mouth realizing what you just said and you look away.

You were right but why did you say all that stuff to him, he looks at you but quickly looks away. "I'm leaving" you say then rush past him, "W-where are you going?" He asks as he follows you upstairs, you couldn't leave, not like this. He has to say sorry, he has to fix it, he cant lose you!

"I dont know but I cant stay here" you pack stuff up as you avoid his hands, "No" he suddenly says as you reach for the front door. "Bye" you leave in a rush and he looks around, "NO! GET BACK HERE!" and he falls to ground. It actually happened, you left him, you left him and it's his fault, who's going to love him now? Who's going to help him when he gets sick and who's he going to tease?

He leans in as he holds you close, "I love you" he whispers but you stop him, "Its been two months yet you still push me away", "I didnt have sex with Tooru till we were five months in" you say but he doesnt stop, "Oh c'mon, you know you want to so ju-", "Can you stop? I'm really not in the mood for anything like this" you say as you push his hands away from your stomach and thighs.

"Oh I get it" he says as he pins your hands above your head, "You think I'm like Oikawa, that I'll point out your flaws, that I'll think you're ugly, that I dont actually want you" he says into your ear and you look away, he was right and you both knew that. "Well guess what, we all have flaws, I dont think you're ugly and damn do I want you" he kisses you hard but your squirm in his embrace.

"N-no Iwa stop" you let out with a soft moan as he rubs his knee against your clothed heat, "Why? We both want this, you just cant admit it" his tongue trails up your neck as you resist him only making him want you more. "So soft and you always smell so good" he murmurs as you grind against his knee although your mind is saying you dont want this.

"So pretty, especially these moans" desperate whines leave your mouth as he slowly undresses you, "Heh, I think we should take this to the bed" he says as he looks down at your naked body.

Your arms cover yourself as much as they can as he lifts you bridal style, "M-maybe we should wait, i-i should lose a few m-", "Shut the hell up or else I will tie you up" you nod fast and he places you on the bed. "Fuck me" you turn red seeing his eyes take you in, he reaches for his shirt and you move up to help him but he pushes you down making you bounce a bit.

"Stay right there" he undresses as you watch, once hes done he spreads your legs making your body heat up and filling you with so many emotions. "So perfect" he says as he pushes in slowly, you hiss slightly at the feeling you havent felt in such a long time. "Ah- no, Haji-!" He thrusts harder and faster making the frame hit the wall, over and over.

"So warm, so tight and it feels so good" moans leave his mouth making you bite your lip, this felt so different, way too different. "Dont think about him" he says as he thrusts hard sending your eyes wide open, "I-I dont know how he fucked you, or if hes a goddamn sub but dont! Fucking! Think about him!" He growls out with a thrust each time, feeling angry that even now you're still thinking about him. "Sorrysorrysorry!"

Pants leave his mouth as cries leave yours, "God I love you, I love you so much" he mutters as he looks at your pink cheeks and tears falling down your face, he lowers next to your ear as one hand holds your thigh as the other holds your head close to him. "I love the way you just clamp around me" his hips slow down, grinding against you, "I feel like coming every time I thrust into you, that's how good you feel" you tighten around him as the praises keep coming.

Why did this feel so good? Just his words were getting you there and it was so embarrassing that he made you feel this way. "I just cant believe that the woman I've loved since I was 13 is finally mine, that were here together and you're in my arms" he stops to kiss you and you sniffle slightly, "You can come now" a soft cry fills the room as you come and he thrusts a bit more leading to groans and a warm feeling in your core.

"You're mine, only mine".

[omegawolverine]

Plesse tell me about queerness in the get down!!

okay okay queerness in the get down let's fuckn goooo

disclaimer: I havent watched this show in full for like 5 months at least, probably gonna get something wrong and/or forget some more important bits. also this wasnt proof read I just word vomited

tws: period typical homophobia, abuse mention, f slur use, bury your gays trope, overdose mention, mention of a creepy possible age gap (the age gap hasnt been confirmed so that's why its possible), cops

going from least to most prominent queer characters, let's start with mylene cruz!

so, from the beginning of this show she has an established romantic relationship with ezekiel (although the status of their actual relationship changes frequently throughout the show) and though this was a relationship she was hesitant to pursue, it is clear that she does have romantic feelings for him and if not for them both having growing careers in very different music genres (zeke specifically working in a genre that she repeatedly labels as bad because she thinks they're ruining records + that it isnt real music because they're using someone elses piece and rapping over it, that's not really important here tho lol) they probably wouldve had a much healthier, smooth sailing romance. that being said theres a few things that happen in the show that, while not explicitly clear, or even really good coding at that—to the point where you wont catch if you really arent looking for it (and trust me, I always look for coding, hers was just so little that it flew over my head until I saw someone else mention it)—are still cool to think about!

so, for starters, I wanna mention the toy box performance, which was performed by mylene and regina, who are best friends. that's all cool and shit, and you dont really think much about it...until you hear about the fact that the show runners purposely colored a lot of the scenes in that performance with the bi colors. like. the writers after the show ended basically said "oh yeah there was plans to make her coding more explicit, but our shit got cancelled soooo" and then dropped the fact that she was gonna be bi (or at least implies bi) in the series, which puts a new twist on a few things.

now, besides the bi coloring in the background of the toy box performance (which was mostly on scenes with her and regina, which involved a lot of uh,, lowkey lewd dancing. with each other. in very revealing outfits. wooooo), there's her music! I dont tend to read too much into this one bc, like I said before, her coding is fucking light and the writers themselves said they didnt really get to do much with it, but I think some stuff with her music is interesting. specifically how her, yolanda and regina's song set me free blew up because dizzee, resident (lowkey enby coded) bicon, got their song played in a queer club. also that the song was majorly important to dizzee and started playing literally right as he kissed a boy for the first time and realized "oh shit I like boys that's bonkers". also that the song can be taken in a gay way since literally the entire thing is about becoming your true self, fully and unapologetically, which is what both dizzee and mylene's entire character arcs are about. dizzee (and a lot of other queer people, apparently), heard this song about being set free and it resonated with them so much that they got that shit most of its popularity.

speaking of dizzee and mylene, they parallel each other a lot in the way that their arcs are about them realizing who they are, coming into themselves and no longer just letting people treat them like shit in a sense (dizzee starting to tell people essentially that they can call him weird all they want, they can make fun of how he acts, what he likes, how he dresses, etc. but he likes how he is and quite literally saying "it's okay to be an alien" as he has consistently compared himself to one throughout the show vs mylene learning that if she wants to be a disco singer she needs to put her foot down, not let anyone, not even the love of her life, not even her abusive father, stop her from achieving her dreams, etc. and continuing to pursue her career with or without their support). one more little parallel that I think is interesting is during I think s2 towards the end of the show is when dizzee and thor are shown together having fun with each other, painting all over the building and each other and are basically just being happy and in love together and then they have these clips of them being interspersed with clips of mylene at a party where she is starting to realize that if she wants to get anywhere she needs to be her own main priority and that she needs to put her career and her dream, which is what makes her the happiest, above all else if she wants to succeed. idk I just think how the show made these two into a weird parallel, accidental or not, is neat. maybe not an explicitly queer parallel, but I think at least how her music and whatnot helped dizzee, the main queer character in this show, blossom, is important.

moving on we got shaolin fantastic also known as "oh no your internalized homophobia is showing-"

so, heres a quick list of...interesting shao facts:

Consistently referred to as fag/faggot (shaolin fanfaggot is my personal favorite); he gets really defensive about this despite nobody actually thinking he's queer, it's just people being assholes to be assholes, and he is the only character consistently referred to using a slur, especially a homophobic one, especially for a "straight" character. dizzee, a canonically queer character, is called a fag less than shaolin is even though dizzee actively goes to gay clubs, has a not so secret dude he "hangs out with" and wont let anyone properly meet, paints his nails, wears less than straight clothes even by the 70s standards and is just all around the definition of fucking queer (and I mean like in the weird way, not the gay way). in fact theres only like once I can remember him being called a fag and it had nothing to do with him actually being gay it was literally just like thrown out there the same way you would call someone a bitch.

Has only shown sexual interest in women, yet refuses to have deeper relationships with women in general (possibly because of trauma but who knows) but takes his relationships with his "brothers", specifically zeke, very seriously

Tells zeke and zeke ONLY his real name when zeke was planning to stop being his friend bc shao more or less got boo boo, a like 14 year old black kid, arrested for selling hard drugs; he was clearly scared and trying to do anything to keep zeke around, literally chasing him down the street and hounding him until he got zeke to stop and argue with him

Kept threatening to beat up zeke in the end but couldn't actually bring himself to do so, instead saying that zeke is "fucking lucky" before walking away

Let's zeke get away with things that nobody else can, in general just has a weird soft spot for ezekiel that he shows with nobody else

when shao found dizzee with thor in a vaguely compromising situation (like they were just shirtless covered in paint sleeping next to each other but shao had also seen everything they painted on the walls ((which some of it was sus)), it was clear they had painted on each others bodies and dizzee had been routinely disappearing with this guy for weeks now yet not producing nearly as much art, at least, as far as we audience members know) he didnt judge him but instead, waited for him to get cleaned up and then told him something along the lines of "theres a reason why im so secretive blah blah blah [not everyone needs to know everything about me]", which, in context, kinda implies that he might be a lil. a lil homiesexual. jus a lil.

whenever even the possibility of zeke leaving him comes up he absolutely loses it. he has literally cost ezekiel life changing opportunities because he thought zeke would just up and leave him for them. this could be abandonment issues bc he's a severely traumatized character, and that probably does contribute to it, but it also is just not a reaction he has to any of their other friends just randomly dipping in and out of his life soooooo

generally speaking, this mfer has got either bisexual with a big hard on for zeke coding or homosexual with terrible internalized homophobia and still a hard on for zeke coding. either fucking way, that nigga gay. he gay as hell. gay as fuck man. there wasn't really much to analyze here tbh bc the coding is just so fucking obvious if you look for it or you are/have been a gay person who's dealt with at least a little bit of internalized homophobia.

also, just a sidenote, idk how fucking old shao, but I'm praying hes like at max 19 bc I'm pretty sure zeke is a minor in this show and shao definetly is not so the whole him being heavily implied to have a crush on ezekiel thing is kinda. oof. not oof if zeke is like 17 but any younger than that? OOF.

edit: apparently the characters are only supposed to be a year apart in age but i had no clue about that before writing this post and since shaos age was never actually stated in the show i naturally assumed he was an adult since his actor Looks Like An Adult. this is definetly on me to a certain extent, but i also never saw anything about this when trying to find our their ages so 🤷‍♀️ maybe i just didnt look deep enough, sorry!

now moving on to the main event...marcus dizzee kipling :]

so, first things first, let's talk enby coding bc him being bisexual was already confirmed!

um, to start off, I just wanna say I dont think this enby coding was intentional or even really coding, it's just moreso me being a dizzee kin on main and knowing as a transmasc enby he has very transmasc enby vibes. for example:

cool, gender neutral nickname that everyone calls him

paints nails various different colors

the whole wardrobe is just a transmasc enby heaven...fishnet shirts, jean overalls, jackets and cuffed pants galore, the big colorful pins, etc

gender neutral hairstyle (when I had my fro it was very sexy and made it easy to transition between hyper masc and vaguely fem, which is pog)

comparing himself to/representing himself consistently with an alien character (though this is meant to represent his sexuality, it could also double as a gender thing too, not neccesarily bc of the whole nonbinary alien trope but bc an enby who likes aliens might heavily identify or compare themselves to whatever their idea of an alien is, whether that just be a genderless entity or a motherfucker with fly style and no need to be perceived as anything other Wacky As Hell)

moving on from there, let's talk about how his queerness is presented to us and how, while it may be a really good piece of representation, especially coming from netflix, it still lacks in A Lot of places.

so, let's start with good things!

i personally really like the get down's queer rep with dizzee bc it's (for the most part) nonsexualized and very very soft, about dizzee figuring himself out and realizing there is a place where he fits in, and about two teenagers in the 70s falling in love over their shared passion for street art. it also features an interracial couple where both boys challenge stereotypes both about queer men and men of color, which is epic poggers and very sexy. this piece of rep specifically is very important to me bc I am a queer black person and even tho interracial relationships are mostly normalized now, I've still had people give me shit for primarily dating white people in a town that is...primarily white lol

mm anyways, I can also appreciate how in the get down, dizzee being represented by rumi the alien is not a thing specifically related to gender (as it often is) and instead is about his sexuality and just in general weirdness and how it has led to him being alienated amongst his peers, poc or otherwise. him seeing himself as an alien is not about just his queerness, which is important, it is about him being a queer black man who talks different, acts different, dresses different and is "soft"—he isnt a walking black male stereotype and he wouldnt have been seen as masculine back in the 70s by any stretch of the imagination. this can be relatable to a wide spectrum of queer poc, from queer black men currently who still have to deal with this shit or to people like myself who are afab neurodivergent mixed race enbies that have always been signaled out as weird and alienated for it. dizzee is god rep bc while he has a small part in this show, his parts are very impactful, hard hitting and show queer poc of all ages that they arent alone and that it's okay to "weird", you just need to embrace it because somebody will love you for you, as thor did for dizzee.

that being said theres um. some minor problemas here,,,

namely:

dizzee and thors first kiss

the lack of development this pairing got

the way dizzee was confirmed bisexual off screen, he never said the words himself, just showed interest in both genders

the way dizzee and thor were never even confirmed boyfriends or just fwb so most of the fandom just calls them boyfriends bc Why Not

dizzee was implied fucking DEAD??? AT THE END OF THE SERIES?????? AND THOR WAS IMPLIED ARRESTED?????????????

now, these might have been things that wouldve been fine had the show been given it's full run but it wasnt which is why we are now left with probelms.

so, from the top, let's go over these: dizzee and thor's first (and only "on screen") kiss was one that was shown in a montage of other queer people making over and doing other vaguely romantic/sexual things, one of those things being a whole ass naked titty being mouthed at, but the actual kiss...was just not shown? like they really did just say "yes they kissed <3 you know this from the context clues of it being in a montage with kissing, hickey giving and titty sucking <3 but no we will not show it <3" LIKE HELLO? I SAW A NAKED BOOBIE BUT NOT TWO MEN KISS??? HUH????????

also, dizzee and thor were both fucking high as hell during this bit like this isnt a terrible thing but it's also like sometimes you do shit when you're high that you wouldnt do sober and they just never kissed again on screen so like?? like idk that's not that bad but it does kinda irk me since they deadass got no other on screen intimacy after that unless you including painting on eacher other or sleeping next to each other on a shitty mattress but not touching at all during it bc they were both at opposite ends of the mattress like half way off it

so yeah, that was trash. then we got lack of development, which kinda goes with the "dizzee being a bisexual but he never says it in canon" thing cause like...okay dizzee was already sort of a side character from the get go like he wasnt the mc by any means, but he became way more of a background character as things continued until we basically only saw him for performances or when he was with thor, yet they got no fucking development as a pairing other than "dizzee realize he gay, he like thor, he and thor spend time together and ig probably do some gay stuff but we dont really know bc we only ever see them do graffiti together now" like?? tf am I supposed to do with that shit. answer. quickly. and then theres dizzee not being confirmed bisexual, which is just a running problem with shows literally doing everything to say a character is bi except for having the character just...say they're bi? which would be so easy? like a good way dizzee and thor couldve had some development is by thor teaching dizzee things about the queer community that he didnt even know existed, thor couldve helped him understand what being bi meant and helped him label himself and whatnot but instead we got an off screen confirmation that the writers had bisexual in mind when writing him. which is garbagé.

the whole thor and dizzee never having a confirmed relationship status is also a development problem cause like literally nobody knows if they were just friends who made out, maybe fucked, who knows, or if they were dating bc dizzee does give a love confession but a love confession doesn't mean there is a relationship, especially since thor didn't say he was in love either (as far as I remember, I could be wrong, plus whether or not that really happened or was apart of dizzee literally overdosing during a performance is unclear so 🤪)

and now for the biggest issue...bury your gays trope.

during the season 2 finale, dizzee and thor are chased by cops after they are found doing graffiti, one of the cops is able to catch thor while the other chases dizzee into a train tunnel and there is a train seen headed straight for him before the show cuts to black on a train horn. the show writers claim that if they had gotten another season, dizzee wouldve been alive but since they didnt and since that's essentially super fan trivia knowledge, most people dont fucking know that and instead had to watch a black queer teenager chose death over being fucking arrested by a white cop. on top of that, thor didnt see any of that shit because he was caught and the cop started hauling him off while dizzee was still being chased so thor literally has no clue where his friend/possible boyfriend fucking is or that he's likely dead in a goddamn tunnel all alone, unless you count the fucking pig that chased him in there who wouldve died too. this shows rep was so fucking good as far as most shows go on not having major fucking problems, on not being toxic and over sexualized, etc, etc. and then they just. killed a black queer teenager for no fucking reason. like it was literally the last episode ever, it would add nothing to the plot, it would just devastate fans and devastate it fucking did. I dont cry easy but seeing a character I identified with, who I had hyperfixated on, die because he'd rather that than be arrested is terrible. it fucking sucked.

so yeah. that's my all too extensive thoughts/analysis on the get down's queerness. theres definitely stuff I missed, or misinterpreted, or looked too much into, etc, etc., but this was a fun thing to spend time writing sooo yeah!! thanks for the ask anon, sorry this was just a big rambley info dump, but hopefully you get some enjoyment out of it since it took like 3 hours at least 😭😭 feel free to ask clarifying questions lol

[dukeofonions]

Season Two Episode Ranking

Warning: I get very, very, very, critical in this ranking. Like, angry ranting that’s almost laughable. Should I be getting this worked up over an online series? Eh, probably not. But this is my life and I’ll get outrageously angry over whatever media I want. 

Seriously though, this is all just my personal opinion. I’m not saying you have to agree with me and if you like the episodes that I don’t then that’s perfectly fine. 

I tend to overthink things a lot and I spend most of my time analyzing every little details of this series because what else am I supposed to do at work?

So yeah, this ranking is definitely less positive than the one I did for the first season. But I hope y’all can still have some fun going over it! And if anyone does their own rankings be sure to tag me because I’d love to see them and see how mine compare! 

Anyways, enough of me acting like this is more important than it is, on with the ranking! 

I can’t believe season two only has 12 episodes. Now I went ahead and counted Moving On as one episode in this ranking since my opinions on both parts are pretty similar, but sweet cheese and fish this season started on September 1st, 2017 with Fitting in and right now is left on Putting Others First which came out on May 1st, 2020. And as of me writing this it is now May 2nd, 2021. It’s been a whole year since the last episode and we still have no idea when the finale is coming. 

Like, bruh. 

Also remember how the longest episode in season one was only about 15 minutes long and the shortest one was barely four minutes? 

Well the shortest episode in season two is Crofters- The Musical which is 8:42 seconds. The longest episode is Putting Others First which is a whopping 51:09.

And I wish I could say that the writing was on the same level it was in the first season, but there’s a reason I put that warning up there. 

Well, enough stalling, let’s get this ball rolling.

#11 Embarrassing Phases

There are no words in the English language that can describe the sheer amount of hatred I have for this episode. If I could rank this any lower, I would, which will happen once we finally get the season finale. I don't know how that episode will go but it'll definitely be better than whatever dumpster fire this was.

Like, okay. I have some positives. Roman, Patton, and Virgil's costumes were cool. I won't lie I live for vampire Virgil. And the message about embracing your past "phases" and exploring how they helped made you who you are. That's neat. I like that.

And that's it.

My biggest gripe with this episode is Virgil. He just acts like a complete bitch in this! And I don't mean that in an endearing way he's literally so mean for no reason!

He's all "You guys are trivializing my past!"

In response to them going "Hey Virgil, we're glad you're part of our group now and are proud of how far you've come!"

Like okay, even if it was insensitive to call it a "phase" literally there was no reason for him to get as angry as he did.

Just a simple; "Hey, I don't like it when you refer to what I went through as a phase because it feels like you're not talking it seriously."

Isnt that what this whole show is about? Communication???

It wasn't fun watching him just insulting the others, it was annoying!

Like poor Patton, just trying to help and be encouraging, only for Virgil to keep treating him like dirt.

What did I miss here? Virgil was fine in the last few episodes, so what the heck happened?

Oh and let's not forget the great advice Thomas offers Patton at the end of the episode in regards to handling Virgil: "Don't do anything to get on his bad side or else he'll do bad things to you!"

Okay I'm paraphrasing here but that's basically what he says! And since Virgil is supposed to be a representation of anxiety, this is a horrible message!!!

What happened to finding healthy ways to cope with your anxiety? What happened to keeping it in check so it didn't take over your life?

Yeah I'm definitely gonna make a full post about this one episode later because there's a whole lot more to unpack here. But yeah -10/10

#10 Putting Others First

There is just way too much going on with this episode. They try cramming so much in here that I don't even remember more than half of it.

I remember the opening song, then the Lilypadton fight and everything that happens from there. That's it.

And those are the best parts of this episode, but even that has problems because everything with Janus feels like a completely different episode.

Also the whole way they try to teach about morality is all over the place. How did we go from choosing a wedding over a callback to deciding whether or not you would die for your friends to self care is important?

And while the video game sequences, while utilized well in some places, were way too distracting and it felt like they were just trying to shove as many video game references in as they could.

You could take out just about all of them and the episode wouldn't change. Everything they were used for could have been done just through having the characters talk to each other, and knowing this makes the fact that this video was delayed for so long because of it just makes the whole thing worse.

Like the animations were well done, and I don't want to downplay the hard work the animator did. They were just doing their job after all.

But the trolley scenes (especially the second one) hurt my eyes with all the flashing (would have been nice to have some kind of warning for that) and some of the voice effects (especially on Logan's) were grating and distracting.

I want to rank this episode higher, but it has almost zero rewatch ability and honestly besides the ending, when I first watched this episode I was just kinda let down.

#9 Crofters- The Musical

Okay look, the song is a bop and I adore the fact that Logan and Roman got two episodes in the spotlight, but it's just kinda "meh" to me. Plus I get just a tinge of second hand embarrassment but that's just me.

And I know this is kinda unfair but another reason why this one isn't higher is because of a couple of things. One is that they set up some angst for Roman, he's clearly not doing well and Thomas thinks the best thing to do is tell him that he might get his own jam flavor.

Then he does, and instead of following up on that little plot point from this video, they just rushed out a commercial and completely ignored and potential story telling or character development for Roman.

So yeah "Return of the Jam" is the main reason why I don't like this one as much as I used to. And I actually just got an idea for a new post comparing these two so add that to my to-do list.

#8 Fitting In

I actually skipped this one during my first official watch through for one reason and one reason alone: I wasn't allowed to watch Harry Potter.

But I realized that my parents wouldn't approve of me of watching a gay man's content either so I just said screw it.

And luckily I understood enough Harry Potter references to get what they were talking about and honestly, this episode is a lot of fun.

It's a good follow up to Accepting Anxiety, and a nice way to kick off season two. Virgil is finding his place among the group and everyone is trying their best to make him feel welcome, it's really sweet.

And of course we get the new costumes (which i hadn't even noticed that they were wearing their old costumes at first) and I dunno it just gives off season one vibes and it makes me happy.

#7 Moving On Part One/Moving On Part Two

Yeah honestly my thoughts on both parts of this episode are the same. What can I say? It's really good.

This definitely one of the more emotionally heavy episodes in the series, and we see the characters at their lowest for really, the first time in this series.

I adore Patton's room and how each side gets their own corners. All the little details they add in, including the changing picture in the background, it really gives off that nostalgia feel they were going for.

What I love most about this episode is how (unlike some other episodes) they actually let the emotional moments sink in and don't throw in a joke immediately after. Like the ending is bittersweet, sad almost, and I love that they stuck with the mood up until the episode ended.

Not to say there weren't some jokes here and there (mostly in the first part) but once the mood shifts and things become more serious they let that mood stay. And when there are jokes they all work really well.

This is one episode I've actually watched the least out of season two, so it'll be interesting when I go watch it again to see if any of this holds up.

#6 Why Do We Get Out of Bed in the Morning?

Honestly I only put this one above Moving On because Logan and Roman are my favorites.

This episode is actually one of the weaker ones, which hurts to say because again, favorite characters, but goodness it's all over the place. It feels like a precursor to POF and not in a good way.

Logan and Roman just basically argue back and forth throughout the whole episode, never seeing eye to eye with each other, to the point where I think think the writers realized they couldn't find a way to get these two to agree so they just had Thomas step in and be like, "You guys make a really good team!"

Dude, were you even paying attention? They never even reached a conclusion on their own. And even though they have their little moment at the end, it's all kinda ruined when nothing in their relationship changes.

Yes, in Learning New Things About Ourselves, they acknowledge that there's more work to be done in regards to them, which makes sense. People aren't going to suddenly change overnight.

Yet despite having come to some kind of understanding with each other twice now (both here and LNTAO) in the following episodes they still act like they hate each other! Heck Roman is downright nasty to him for seemingly no reason and I don't really blame him for it.

More like I think the writers just don't know how to develop their relationship and just aren't as interested in them as the others. Logan's been reduced to being Mr. Exposition and apparently Roman's personal issues aren't enough for him to carry a room episode on his own because they felt the need to introduce two new characters before he finally gets it.

Sorry, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, the episode.

There's some funny bits here and there and the little animations are cute (even if unnecessary) but really it's only saving grace is being Roman and Logan centered.

Even though they felt the need to include a cameo from literally every other character because apparently no one has any faith that Logan and Roman can carry an episode on their own.

#5 The Sanders Sides 12 Days of Christmas

This episode is just pure fun. Look, I'm not a big fan of Christmas, even less of a fan of Christmas songs, but my gosh this episode almost makes me appreciate the season.

The way they're all just bickering the whole time, being very confused, and how there's just so much personality from each character even when they're not talking/singing and just being in the background is *chef's kiss* perfect.

There's so many fun little details to pick out during the song and it's fun to go back and watch how each side reacts to different things.

#4 Selfishness vs Selflessness

Gonna be real, this used to be my favorite episode. Until my overly critical brain started finding all kinds of problems in the writing department but I think I’ve been negative enough on this post so I’ll save it for another time. 

Janus steals the show in this one, it’s his first official appearance since his debut and he just soaks up the spotlight. It’s refreshing to have an antagonist in the show again, and he’s the perfect foil for each of the original Sides. 

He knows how to play into Roman’s insecurities, know how to feed into his ego and get him on his side. He’s in direct opposition to Patton, who believes that everything Janus represents is wrong. He’s able to silence Logan and take him out of the conversation, speaking over him most of the time. 

And I guess he and Virgil have some beef I dunno. 

The courtroom scenario is fun, and I love how Janus is the only one who sees how ridiculous it is (even though it was your idea in the first place, Jan) and everyone else seeing it as perfectly normal is hilarious. 

I do like some of the more dramatic moments in this episode, especially that final bit with Janus questioning Thomas until he finally gets him to admit the truth. It was intense and reminded me of the scene where Janus confronts Roman in a similar manner. 

While far from perfect this is still a good episode and I can find a lot to love about it, like Janus in a suit. 

#3 Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts

This episode scared the shit out of me and I loved it.

Okay it didn’t actually scare me. But I stayed up to wait for it to be posted, which wasn’t until 2 or 3 in the morning. So by the time I finally watched it I was half awake and not expecting anything that I witnessed. 

The result was me being terrified of Thomas with a mustache and it prevented me from sleeping. I was over it the next day though and had Forbidden Fruit stuck in my head all day. Which isn’t good when you’re running the register at work and you can’t stop singing it. 

There’s a lot of reason why I love this episode, Remus being the primary thing. His entrance is iconic, the first few notes from his theme play as he creeps up behind the TV, him smiling at Roman all creepily until he whacks him over the head and knocks him out for most of the episode. 

Then we get the song, Forbidden Fruit, which is just great. Slight secondhand embarrassment but seeing the finished product and all they put into it, I can’t help but love it. 

Still miffed that Janus hasn’t gotten a song... specifically a villain song... I won’t ever let that go...

Logan is another highlight in this episode (no surprise) and seeing him go head-to-head against his polar opposite without batting an eye was interesting since I was kinda expecting them to show Logan having trouble dealing with Remus but nope. He handled it like a champ and I love them both. 

Now I am kinda wary as to how they’re going to handle Remus in the future, especially with the intrusive thoughts aspect. It’s a sensitive topic and they’re already screwing up anxiety. But Remus has only been in one episode so far which means I can’t make any solid judgments until he’s appeared in more episodes, so I’ll have to wait and see. 

All in all, great episode! Definitely deserves to be in my top three. 

#2 Learning New Things About Ourselves

This episode made me feel so nostalgic. I freaking love puppets and grew up with Sesame Street and the Muppets, so I’m probably biased towards this episode but to me this is really one of the better written episodes. 

Perfect? Heck no. But really, really good. 

I love that we get to explore a bit more with Logan and Roman’s characters, in a lot of ways this is kind of a Logan episode which has him standing against the other Sides, and it’s really interesting to see just how different he is compared to the three of them and it could just be me but it seemed like he’s becoming more of an outsider and isn’t as close with the original four as he used to be, and this episode is what really kicks that idea off. 

I can also relate to the “Well that’s nice but what do you do for a living?” message, except in my case it’s more like I want to quit my “real job” to pursue what I’m passionate about while people tell me it’ll probably never happen or “Yeah that’s a nice hobby!” So this episode really struck close to home and I just have a lot of sentimental feelings towards this one. 

I love all of the designs for the puppets, they all just fit perfectly and I wouldn’t mind seeing them make a comeback one day. I know that’d be difficult since they’d need a professional to puppet them but hey, one can dream right?

And oh my gosh the song, it just gives off the same feel from Sesame Street and Muppet songs with it’s jazzy feel. And I won’t lie I flipped my lid when Logan and Thomas were in the same shot together. We hadn’t seen any of the Sides share the screen with Thomas yet and the fact that it was Logan, and he was arguing with Thomas and they were singing over each other? Ah I love it!

Also don’t get me started on how Logan’s bit in the song sounds more villainous than the others. I’m not saying anything just a neat little observation. 

I have a lot of happy feelings attached to this episode, so despite the few problems I have with it I could never bring myself to hate it. The only one that tops it is...

#1 Can Lying Be Good?

The episode that started it all. The one that caught my attention and sparked my new fixation on this little series that I had just glossed over before.

I really don’t know what prompted me to watch this episode, other than I wasn’t in the best place and it just happened to pop into my recommendations one day and I figured, “Huh, haven’t watched this guy for awhile. Let’s see what he’s been up to.”

Once the episode was finished my first thought was “Holy shit when did this series start having lore?!”

This episode is probably the closest thing to perfect out of all the season two episodes so far. The writing is clever, pretty much all of the jokes land, and oh my gosh the editing in this one is phenomenal. 

The way they show Roman shifting between himself and Joan throughout the episode is what sticks out the most. Having Roman’s voice coming from Joan, or having them briefly change back to Roman, I love it so much. 

Not to mention Thomas’s ever changing shirt that reflects what he’s thinking/feeling is a neat little detail.

Did I mention this episode is hilarious? The ridiculousness of each scenario that they act out, with all the little inputs from Logan and Virgil who are both trying their best to do their jobs besides not even wanting to be part of it in the first place is adorable. 

And of course, the man of the hour, Deceit. Or Janus as we now know him as. 

Is it weird that I like Deceit more as a name? Probably, but that’s just because I don’t like how early his name was revealed. 

Okay that was my last negative comment. Promise.

Now since I hadn’t watched Sanders Sides in a while I didn’t notice anything off about “Patton” during my first watch. But going back after seeing the rest of the series helped me catch all the little hints they added to clue in the audience that something wasn’t right. 

A lot of it is really subtle, mostly in the acting department, but once you’ve caught on to everything it makes you wonder how you didn’t notice the first time. You can even see Logan and Virgil throughout the episode, knowing that something is off with “Patton” but holding back their concerns until Virgil finally calls Deceit out. 

I’ve rewatched Deceit’s reveal so many times. When he finally drops the act after Thomas makes up his mind not to lie, you can just tell he no longer cares whether Thomas knows or not. Then things get even more tense when Logan is silenced, and everyone knows what’s going on except Thomas. 

The music starts to build up, Thomas is flipping out, then after Deceit taunts him again he finally demands to know what’s going on and BAM there he is!

I love everything about this. 

Like, what else can I say? This episode is brilliant. It really shows exactly what this team is capable of when they’re at their best. The pacing, the build up, the writing, all of it combined together to make the perfect episode.

Season Two has been, interesting. The long waits have caused some problems with the pacing and characters, not to mention the departure of Joan from the writing team with new writers entering the room, not to mention the first welcome now unwelcome arrival of Asides, and with only the season finale left before season three, it makes me wonder just where this series is headed.

I know this series is capable of doing incredible things, season one is still solid and it really holds up even after all this time. But season two just feels like a jumbled mess. Sure, it’s easy to enjoy the episodes individually, but once you try to fit them all together it’s like trying to jam a puzzle piece into a place where it doesn’t fit. 

The best way to describe this season is as an experimental season. Each episode has the team trying something new, sometimes it seems these gimmicks take precedence over the story itself. Of course, some of these can work to the episode’s advantage, while others are just distracting and you’d know you wouldn’t miss them if they were gone. 

It’s a mixed bag that’s for sure. One that has me watching in morbid curiosity as I wait to see whether it’ll crash in the end or blow my expectations out of the water. It really is fun to analyze these episodes, and yes I know I can be very harsh but believe it or not this is how I engage with media that I love.

My hope is that team will learn from season two and try to take a more simple approach with their production once season three roles around. Because if they continue at the same pace they are now I doubt there will be many people around to see this series through. 

And on that note, that was my ranking of season two! I’m actually kinda excited now to go back and rewatch everything, I hope I don’t have to wait much longer to do so but that all depends on when the season two finale comes. Whether it ends up exceeding my expectations or just being “meh” I know it’ll be interesting regardless and I can’t wait to see just how they plan on wrapping this all up before the final season arrives. 

[volleyball-dontknowher]

Hello! I would like to request, if you're okay with this, some general relationship HC with Nishinoya (i'm sorry if this isnt specific at all) I love this lil' guy he makes me so soft uwu 💕 also i just found your blog and i like it a lot! I look forward for your future posts!! :D

A?N THANK YOU SO MUCH THAT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME!! There are parts of this that I’ve said before but I feel like they are so on brand with the little ball of fluff that I had to include them again

This is like 1.5 k ish so please enjoy

Noya is amazing at appreciating a gorgeous girl

He is not afraid to go up to them and tell them that they are the prettiest thing that he has ever seen and be a total simp 

But when he sees you he freezes, you’re gorgeous, like actually the most gorgeous person he’s seen in his entire life

He can’t make himself go up and talk to you but he also can’t make himself look away

It took a few days and a lot of pep talks before he would even go talk to you 

When he finally did he was so relieved that you were nice and that your conversation good

He kept talking to you everyday for a few weeks before actually asking you on a date

He was so nervous that he almost cancelled because he wanted it to be perfect and he wasn’t sure if it was going to be and he didn’t want to embarrass himself

After the first date he was whipped

You went on several more dates before he asked you to be his girlfriend 

From there on out he was completely awestruck with everything you do 

He holds your bag for you and walks you to and from school whenever he can

Was really nervous his friends would say inappropriate things or embarrass him so it took a while before he introduced you to them 

But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t talk about you to them all the time

“She’s just so gorgeous I don’t understand it”

“She made me cookies, COOKIES guys like she’s just so sweet” 

But when he did he made sure to introduce you to Asahi first

“Asahi, this is my girlfriend Y/N, Y/N this is my friend Asahi” he is trying to be really formal with it because he wants Asahi to see that he is actually serious 

“Nice to meet you!” 

“You too” 

You and Asahi actually start a conversation and that is way better than he could have ever thought so he decides to just go ahead and introduce you to the rest of the team

He does it when the team goes out to dinner and a couple of the others bring their girlfriends so he brought you 

“Guys this is my girl Y/N, she’s the best” 

They all smile and introduce themselves back and you end up talking with a lot of them throughout dinner 

He gets distracted thinking about you all the time

Will think about you during practice and completely miss balls because he is thinking of ways to surprise you and new ideas for dates

He tries to take you out to a real date at least every other week because you are so busy but the two of you hangout all the time

When you are at his house you both play mario kart and he is super good from years of playing and is not afraid to beat you over and over again

Every time he wins he demands kisses and not just one he tackles you and kisses all over your face

When you’re at your house you always make him study for at least a little bit before you both watch a movie or bake together 

It’s more like you are baking and he is trying all of the batter and telling you how pretty you are 

Noya cannot seem to compliment you enough 

He is constantly reminding you that you are his world and that he is so happy with you and just makes you feel special all the time

He is interested in everything you are, he wants to learn it all because it makes him closer to you 

He cannot believe it when you told him that you wanted to come watch him play

He was so nervous that he was using the bathroom more than Hinata

All he wanted was for you to be impressed by him 

After his first receive when he hears you cheering for him he is determined to hear you cheer for him again and again and doesn’t miss

He also gave you his old jacket to wear to the game (because Daichi said that he actually needed his one for this year so that they can all match) 

Literally almost passes out seeing you in it like he is so happy and feels so loved seeing you in his jacket

Your first kiss actually happened after the first game you came and watched 

They won and he was so pumped up that he pulled you into a sweet kiss and thanked you for coming to see him

The rest of the team tells you to come to all of the games because Noya’s receives saved them so many times in that game and he was playing way better than you ever had

Also dating him you are now best friends with Tanaka, he is going to tag along on dates and stuff because Noya cannot forget his homie 

You and Tanaka will end up being really good friends and you sometimes team up on Noya when playing games and stuff 

He is bad at remembering dates and things because they just slip his mind so he ends up putting everything important on the calendar on his phone 

But he puts everything down 

“Babe today is the day we had our first kiss” 

“We went to get ice cream today last month, we should go again” 

He doesn’t want to forget anything that happens with you 

He will literally take pictures of the two of you on every date 

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again he is your personal photographer 

He will take pictures of you when you aren’t looking because he wants to capture your beauty

If he wants pictures of the two of you that aren’t selfies he has Tanaka take them 

And Tanaka gets all of the angles for the two of you and will absolutely make you look amazing because he is an a amazing hype man and an amazing friend

Noya cannot get over you in his clothes like he would have you only wear his shirt because he’s a little possessive and wants everyone to know that you are his and his only 

The first time you see him with his hair down if you aren’t encouraging him and telling him it’s cute he’s going to never let you see it down again

He gets insecure about it because his hair gives him so much height ahd he says it looks like a dead bird down 

But if you kiss him and tell him he looks so good with it down and boost his ego about it you get to see it down all the time and you get to run your fingers through his hair and play with it 

Definitely keeps a hand on you at all times because he is not about to have someone come up and talk to you he will not allow it  

Loves to show you off though and if he catches boys looking will put them in their place

“Look away, she’s taken by someone who actually knows how to please a woman”

You also get to see the calm soft side of Noya that other people are sure doesn’t exist

He likes to lay his head in your lap and just talk to you all the time and will hug you from behind and give you slow and calm kisses 

Loves pulling you to his chest and just kissing the top of your head like he cannot get enough of it 

Will do anything to keep you from being upset

If you had a bad day he is telling you to go sit down and relax and sometimes has a bath drawn for you already so you can go soak while he makes dinner for you 

(Awful baker amazing chef) 

He then gives you lots of kisses and soft affection 

Tells you all of his funny stories to try and make you smile 

No matter what always tells you that he loves you and that you better have the best dreams before bed, doesn’t matter if he has to text it to you on a break he has to 

If you do have nightmares will pull you close to him and reassure you that everything is okay and that if the beasts come back he is going to beat them up for you 

Has really smelly feet that you make him leave his shoes outside and he never once argues with you on that, but he did try and chase you with one of his stinky shoes once and you refused to kiss him for a few days after that and he will never do it again 

[mitchmarnier]

writing prompt masterlist #1

 Of course, there’s 75 million prompt lists out there but i figured there’s nothing wrong with making my own. Send me a category + a number + a pairing and i’ll write you a fic. Okay to reblog and use :) (x)

Fake/Secret/Etc Dating AUs:

my parents keep setting me up on blind dates but in reality I’m dating you and it’s so you help me get out of them

i hate commitment but my dad’s dying wish is to see me get married and you’re an old family friend i ran into at the airport on my way to visit him so hey let’s get engaged

you need a plus-one for your brother’s wedding so i’m going as a favor but there’s been a misunderstanding and now your whole family thinks we’re engaged

i’m mad at my parents so i ask you out because they wouldn’t approve of you and you’re well aware that i’m just using you but you agree because you find it funny but hey you’re actually super sweet

there’s this really creepy person hitting on me and i don’t know you but you pretending to be my partner completely saved my ass thanks how about i buy you a drink

we’re just really touchy friends and we get each other gifts all the time but everyone thinks we’re going out and we let them think that but why are you getting upset about me going on a date we’re not actually together? 

I’m sorry you always thought your love for me was unrequited but on to more important matters YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED IN THE MORNING SO YOU HAVE A DECISION TO MAKE YOU ASSHOLE!

Our mutual friend apparently has been waiting for us to get together and so they’re very angry/disappointed/upset when they find out that the reason we kissed last night was because we were black-out drunk

everyone thinks we hate each other and we keep that front up in public, so we have hilarious pretend fights and squabbles and pranks 

when we were little I accidentally mentioned that I had a crush on you but I always thought you didn’t hear me because you just looked at me weird and never commented but now we’re in high school and omg you just introduced me as your boyfriend/girlfriend/datemate wtf we never discussed this

friends to lovers aus

You’ve got a date tonight and you asked for advice on what to wear but I’m so in love with you and damn you look good in the outfit I picked out for you

You’ve liked me for ages and were really obvious about it and I didn’t like all the attention but now you’re over me I really miss it and fuck I think I like you too?

 You want us both to get in shape and I hate working out/running but your ass looks really good in shorts oh the things I do for my friends and their nice asses

Our best friends are that awful ‘cute’ couple that make-out in public and call each other “sweetie” and “sugar” and “babe” and god they’re awful let’s talk about how awful they are – develops into “shit we’re the awful couple now”

Celebrity/Famous AUs

listen, you may be a famous (and extremely attractive) guitarist, but that gives you no right to practise on the electric at two a.m when we live right next to each other.

We broke up and I used my feelings to write songs and now I’m super popular and you want me back

we decided to make a fake vlog drama for our subscribers and they all think it’s real but jokes on us we end up actually liking each other

I run a prank channel and you were some innocent bystander I pranked for a video but then it turns out hey, you’re also famous online haha shit

we met and started talking but i didn’t know you were a rising star until i noticed cameras following me wtf

you’re a reporter and i think you’re super cute so i’ll only give you personal interviews to help your career and also get you to talk to me more

I’m a celebrity and I have a secret social media account and we started talking online and now we’re close friends but you want to meet up oh shit

I’m a celebrity and I may or may not be following your blog which is dedicated to me. reading your comments and tags are hilarious and very flattering and I’m somewhat smitten  

You’re an actor/other famous person that I really admire and I just saw you in the street and as I was debating whether or not to say hi you came up to me and started flirting what do I do??

wedding/kids/marriage/long term relationship AUs

we’ve been dating forever, and you just caught the bouquet at our friend’s wedding

remember when we were in high school and we swore that if we were still single at 30 we’d marry each other, well hey guess whose birthday it is

i’m a runaway bride/groom and you’re driving my getaway car

I suddenly bumped into you after years and wow you look good but holy crap is that a kid?? since when?

you had a breakdown because the baby wouldn’t stop crying and you kept saying how you weren’t ready and how you couldn’t do it

whenever my kid starts crying I just hand them to you and then they just stop and start smiling

“i’m so sorry that my child pointed out how your shirt- actually nevermind i agree, that shirt is horrendous”

i always tease you because that’s just our thing we tease each other but for some reason you snapped at me and are you okay? what’s wrong?

my in-laws despise me GREAT but around you they’re super nice so you don’t believe me

neighbours AUs

You always complain about how loud I am (whether it be TV, video games or music/musical instrument is up to you) and this is the first time you’ve actually knocked on my apartment door and given me a lecture there rather than giving me a phone call, but I’m not really listening because I didn’t  realise I had such a cute neighbour

you never open your door for children on halloween so i always pay the kids to smear your door with shaving cream

my printer isnt printing anymore and my papers are due tomorrow so im on my knees in front of your door begging to use your printer when the old lady from above passes us and thinks im proposing to you

we always run into each other on the stairs but we’ve never said more than hello but when we found out that we both hate the other neighbours, we became friends

i came home drunk and wouldnt stop knocking on your door. when you open i keep telling you to get out of my apartment

after a rough party night i find you sleeping on the stairs but since im still a little asshole all i do is put a blanket over you and a pillow under your head

Please help me, I know you have a kid and my sibling just dropped their baby on me where’s the button to put them to sleep?

I’m stressed and sleep-deprived, please let me pet your cat. 

I have really weird dreams and you have really weird dreams so now we’re in this contest to see who has the weirdest dreams.

Strangers/Meet Cute (or meet very NOT cute) AUs 

We were sitting next to each other in a public place and I saw a mosquito on you and my instincts just acted before my mind.

We mixed up our clothes at the laundry service and I have nothing left to wear and every thing you wear is too big/small for me.

We’re at a comic book store and if you tell me your superhero is better than mine I’m gonna have to punch you in the teeth.

There are no table left at this restaurant and you let me sit at yours since you’re alone.

I’m a single grown-up with busy friends but I want to go to Disneyland so I drop a message on a forum to find someone like me to go wear silly Mickey ears headband and stuff ourselves with cotton candy.

My computer broke down so I called an IT and now I need to find a reason to call them back so I delete important files and download adwares and do all kinds of stupid things. 

I almost dropped something and in my fumbling attempts to stop it from hitting the floor I accidentally projectiled it at your face and it’s a really nice face I’m so sorry

first day at a new job and oh fuck my boss is the person I drunkenly hooked up with last weekend/night

I wanted to go on the ferris wheel but there has to be two people to a cart come on random person let’s go oh wait are we stuck at the top? Fuck

 Our mutual friend set us up on a blind date and I thought I’d hate it but you’re actually… kind of funny? But because I expected to hate it in no way am I going to let you change my mind just because you’re gorgeous and funny and intelligent oh no my friend is not winning this

college/high school AUs:

i went on a date with a boy who had plans to take me to dinner and drinks. but he lost his wallet at a pizza place so we just walked around the neighborhood, sat in the park and talked.

we’re in the same study group but we dont talk but you brought goldfish and im starving

we have the same notebook and we took the wrong ones home so i used your notes on my open book test

you were my elementary school crush but you moved away but somehow we end up miraculously going to the same college and i barely recognized you because holy hot damn you are more attractive than i remember?

I tripped over on my way to this party and I’m bleeding profusely from the grazes on my knees and you’re a complete stranger that pretty much jumped me the second I walked in the door to play nurse

ive had a crush on you for 3+ years and now youre going out with my best friend and i definitely havent locked myself in a toilet cubicle to cry

We’re in different debate classes and I was constructing a case on the board and I come in the next morning and you’ve replied to all my points really well?? But I don’t even know your name? And oh shit, we’re taking over the entire whiteboard, is that your phone number squeezed into the corner of the board there?

You have braces and I don’t and I keep forgetting you’re not allowed to have gum so every time I offer, you give this death glare

You sent me a text asking if I wanted to go to prom on the day of prom and I’m not in town

I’m a notorious goody two shoes and you look like you get into fights on a daily basis, so when you were in the library on the first day I was supposed to be a tutor, I assumed I’d be tutoring you. But, as it turns out, we’re both tutors, and the people we’re tutoring keep blowing us off to make out and we have to go round them up

we have a mutual best friend but they cannot find out how much i like you then they’ll tell you, but i need to find out if you’re single!

I sat down in the wrong class and I’m panicking but don’t want to get up and leave because the class has started and you think it’s hilarious 

You pissed me off in class so I threw a book at your head and now I’m in detention and jesus fuck I hate you so much and the teacher made me apologise and wait you’re cuter up close

soulmate aus

if one soulmate gets an injury, the other gets it as well.

Character A has a soulmate, but Character A died before they got to meet them. As Character A navigates the afterlife in their ghostly form, they discover that they can’t “move on” until they’ve met their soulmate.

 the very first words your soulmate ever says to you are tattooed somewhere on your body since the day you are born

when you write something on your skin with pen/marker/whatever, it will show up on your soul mates skin as well.

You get an ‘impression’ of your soulmate when you turn 18 or something but all I got was a strong smell of bananas or something

you have a compass on your wrist and it directs you to where your soulmate is

i usually think i’m having a conversation with myself in my head but it turns out we’re telepathically connected

everybody is born with a map “tattooed” on their forearm that’s centered on the exact location of where they’ll first meet their soul mate 

[katsukikitten]

Irritated 3

Bakugou and Izuku stand in line for quick ramen while you stand at a different vendor for a sub. You're salivating as you think of what you want on your eight inch.

A ping rings out from Izuku's pocket, he fishes for his phone almost dropping it with burning cheeks as Bakugou rolls his eyes beside him. The ash blonde watches the deep emerald man's face contort.

"We don't have time to eat!" Izuku exclaims.

"What?" A snarl from beside him.

"'You and Bakugou have an interview at 230 with the rest of class 1A in building A. Please keep Y/N in the same vicinity as you. Sorry for the last minute add on.'" He reads aloud, watching Bakugou's face sour.

"Wow that dick." Bakugou hisses as he looks over the food court before spotting you, "I guess I'll grab Y/N. Are we even in the right fucking building?"

"I'll look it up n..now!" Izuku unfolds the map of the convention center looking for where the q & as are normally held in building A as Bakugou stomps after you.

You're literally next in line, already got in your head what you're going to get before a strong hand pulls at the crook of your arm. Your blood runs cold while your heart accelerates, you hadn't seen the green eyes cuck follow you into the food court. He got a phone call and headed back in the direction of where you first saw him.

"Don't fucking tou..." You turn with furious eyes faintly glowing to your assailant only to hesitate when met with burning and fastly narrowing blood red eyes. He tugs you harder, vice grip on your arm threatening to bruise ruining any positive points he earned today. He drags you all the way to a panicking Izuku before you yank free of his deadly fingers.

"What the fuck I was literally next?!" Hunger further fueling your anger as you stare down Bakugou. He faces away to avoid an argument, angry himself to miss food.

Angry, though he will never admit it, that you had such a negative reaction to his touch.

Izuku fills you in as you're dragged to the giant conference room. The three of you flashing your passes to security to allow y'all to enter. They open the doors and tell you to sit in the reserved seats in the front of the stage at least five minutes before the event begins.

"This is bullshit you know?" You growl, doing what you do best taking it out on Bakugou.

"Yea becuase this was my fucking idea in the first place." He snaps back to you, crossing chiseled arms.

"Guys. Please. You were doing so well." Izuku tries just to be met with harsh glares.

"Bakugou Katsuki?!" A deep male voice rings out just barely over an excited womans voice shouting.

"Deku-kun!!"

Two figures approach quickly, Bakugou stiffens before slightly relaxing as none other than Red Riot walks striaght for him. While a chestnut haired woman comes for a blushing Izuku.

A cat smile creeps on your face as you figure this is the girl Deku was talking about. She hugs him in time with Red Riot hugging an angrier by the second Bakugou.

"Oi shitty hair let go of me damn it!" He snarls, cheeks slightly flushed before he is released. Ruby red eyes fall onto you before they shine with delight.

"Ah THE Tejina? I'm Kirishima!" He offers you a wide toothed grin before nudging Bakugou, "Is she your girlfriend?"

"HELL NO!" Both of you answer in unison as a beautiful bubblegum pink skinned woman approaches. She holds onto Kirishima's arm, looking too amused for your liking.

"I don't know they *do* kinda sound like they're dating." She laughs as red eyes narrow on her form. She extends her right hand to you.

"I'm Mina. Tejina, I just *love*your Instagram!! You HAVE to take me to that cafe you post the catppuccinos from!!!"

"Please call me Y/N." You smile, already loving the vibe of two very respectable heroes, "They make frogs shaped ones in spring!"

"Oh they do? Asui would love to see that!" She exclaims. The cracking sound of the PA system silences your reply as a voice rings out overhead.

*"Q&A with the famous class 1A in year 20XX will be commencing in t minus five minutes."*

"Well that's my cue!" You say as you begin to make your way to your seat.

"Join us for dinner!" Mina calls out and you give her a thumbs up before sitting in a section by yourself. For once you're thankful that you are not sitting in a seat at one of the many long tables on the stage and that you're a part of the crowd. You glace over your shoulder to sweep the room as you would normally do but you pay even closer attention, waiting for your eyes to catch dark grass green ones. You sigh with relief when you do not see them and settle into your chair as the lights dim a little.

"Welcome fans to the exclusive event of a rare Q and A panel for the famous class 1AAAAAAAA" The host announces as he brings his hand to point to left stage. The twenty alumni walk out as screams erupt behind you. Loud enough you'd think your ear drums burst.

"DEKU HAVE MY BABIES!!"

"RED RIOT GIVE ME YOUR RED ROCKET!"

"PINKY SPIT ON ME!!!!"

You roll your eyes over the typical fan thirst solidifying your original thinking about fans. That they place their idols on a pedestal forgetting that they too are people. Living and breathing just as them but with the pressure of responsibility being ten fold.

"Now we have gotten a majority of your questions from Twit handle @askconanything but we have made time for a special few to get a change to ask their burning questions." The host smiles at the crowd and their clapping echoes through the building as if it were thunder.

The questions are typical and directed to the team as a whole. Some ask for the dirty details of certain missions or even as simple of how do you take your coffee.

Some how they all answer, none of their responses surprising you.

Sato takes his with lots of sugar, even saying the old joke of "I like a little coffee with my sugar."

Todoroki likes his iced and black, Momo does not drink coffee instead an earl grey tea with light cream. Mina prefers a hot chocolate but would settle for a cuppocinno with an animal made from the froth. Denki likes anything as long as it has three expresso shots. Kirishima loves flavored creamers, a glutton for the seasonal creamer that comes out in the grocery store.

You roll your eyes as he blatantly hints that he's a pumpkin spice whore.

Izuku's you already know because it once surprised you as it does the whole crowd now.

As if his coffee order determined some personality trait we all missed.

"Oh I like my coffee black." He smiles and the crowd gasps while one fan screams I told you so!!

"And you Bakugou?" The host prompts looking at the last hero on the panel. He sighs angrily before answering.

"Iced, winter summer dont give a shit iced. Heavy heavy cream. Sugar and a pump of vanilla." He snarls crossing his arms as the host was surprised to even get a response from him.

Bakugou's was the only one you never would have guessed. You thought it would be black like Izuku's not the exact same way you took your coffee. Especially not after the time you brought coffee to one of the first meetings with Director Yami, Izuku, yourself and Katsuki. You bought two of your order just to spite Bakugou. Thinking he would be too prideful over ice in his coffee. Little did you know he had a mean petty bone in himself too.

But for it to be his preference? That couldn't be right. Had you ever seen him with an iced coffee before?

You snort as you question if you've ever even paid Bakugou more than a glance before this weekend started.

A few fans ask interesting questions about being students and what the dorms were like.

What their agencies look like and one even begs for a personal story about training with Bakugou was like that Kirishima happily answers while small pops catch your eye.

Oddly enough you're enjoying this Q&A, the vibes and banter that this class had with each other was astounding.

It made your heartache for more and for great friends of your own.

"Okay now the question I know you've all been waiting for!!" The host cannot even finish his question before the crowd erupts again. Some how knowing where he is going while you struggle to guess, "Relationship status!!!"

He seemingly picks members at random, staring with Minta. Who has oddly grown to normal height and even looks like an average person but his eyes still sparkle with that perverted gleam.

"Single." Is said by 16 of the class of twenty.

"Taken." Todoroki says simply, holding up the hand of Momo who sports a larger than life diamond. Mixed emotions are expressed by the crowd briefly before the host turns his quisitive gaze upon Izuku.

He is blushing furiously, fighting to keep his eyes from wandering to a certain brown eyed girl that proclaimed her status as S I N G L E.

"Si..Single." His first stutter of the whole hour and forty five minute event. Women scream as if they've won the lotto.

"Bakugou? Is their anyone special in your life?"

He narrows crimsom into slits before baring his teeth.

"What kinda dumbass questions are these?" It comes out dark but you hear the whimper of some of the women behind you.

"Your fans are dying to know! There isnt a single person for our lone wolf Ground Zero? No one that makes your heart race? Your palms hot? And not with explosions." The host graciously recovers and you see a faint flush creeping on his cheeks. You watch as he clenches his fist, biting the inside of his lip to keep from exploding. He holds a death glare with the host before sucking his teeth, a smile is painted on his lips. A smile that turns deadly cocky.

"The only love I have is for being number one."

Girls swoon in their chairs as some scream.

"I'LL BE YOUR NUMBER ONE KATSUKI!!"

Something about it makes your stomach clench but honestly are you surprised?

The man would rather have one night stands and only commit to work than to have to commit to another human being. You roll your eyes as the host smiles while agreeing before turning his gaze to bubblegum pink skin.

"Well I did just get this." She says slyly holding up her left hand, showing off a gleaming diamond. The crowd chants 'Who who' like a parliament of owls in the dead of night though you silently chant along with them having last heard of her being single.

"Well he's cute for starters." Mina cooes and you do not miss the blush that rises on the ruby eyed man next to her. Excitement suddenly bubbles in your blood as you wait on the edge of your seat for her to say what you're thinking.

Golden moons suspended in the black of night slide over to her shining gem. The silence of the room is unbearable as more that 150 people wait on baited breath.

"Kirishima yall!" She finally gushes and everyone is over joyous. Documenting it all before the media even had a chance, "I kept it in the dark for so long because I wanted my fans to know first."

And that had you feeling some type of way. Truly struck you as you thought of what that must be like. To be so close to your fans to want to announce to them first. As if they were friends, family. Guilt plagues you for a moment before you make a promise to yourself.

To be a little more open like Mina.

The class picks dinner at a restaurant with outdoor seating, its packed from both business and following flocks of fans keeping you just slightly on edge. You all wait while they gather a table together on the patio beneath the string lights and the slowly setting summer sun. For a moment you're left in the back, feeling like a stranger looking in through the picture window of a dining room.

As if watching the large family sitting around the table eating, laughing, all enjoying one another's company as they feast on the holiday dinner while snow piles high on your shoulders.

You feel the chill and weight now, fighting back to urge to reach out to the nearest bicep, to cling to the strong arm until you can swallow your self pity.

Along with friends you never really had family either. You ate in an empty apartment on every birthday, holiday and any day in between.

As the group is guided to be seated you put on your best mask, the one you wear when you tell people they will be okay when you know full well that their life has been altered forever. That even though the initial danger is over they will have to carry the weight of their trauma for years to come. No one ever mentioned that you too would carry their trauma with you, little pieces tucked neatly away in your pockets and purse.

No one notices your facade as you joke with them, as you feign a laugh.

No one but red eyes.

You sit between Kirishima and Bakugou. Across from Mina and Izuku, who's wide jade eyes are focused to the woman on his right with chocolate brown hair.

Eventually your smile becomes genuine as does your laugh. As if someone saw your withered frame illuminated in the dark night by the warm glow of their dining room staring in.

And instead of scaring you away they invited you in. Moved chairs around to accommodate you, even made you a warm plate.

That's what it feels like anyway when you laugh at Kirishima's joke at Bakugou's expense.

"How the fuck was I supposed to know she wasn't going to like spicy?!" Katsuki growls after Kirishima finishes a story about an ex girlfriend of Bakugou's who hadn't been in the picture long. Bakugou glares before gathering noodles with his chopsticks. Slurping on the very same spicy ramen from the story.

Kirishima leans in close, ruby eyes glittering with mischief as he whispers in your ear.

"I dare you to take a bite of his Narutomaki and offer him the rest. It's his favorite part."

"Give me 20 bucks and I'll do it." Your eyes mirror his with endless trouble twinkling in the low light. He glances between the ramen and you before a wide toothed smile pulls at his lips.

"Deal." A breath of a whisper. You snatch your chopsticks up and dip into his bowl, grabbing onto the small red and white swirl with ease before taking a bite of. The table is silent as they watch you do the forbidden. One should never steal food from Bakugou, especially not his fish cake.

But you do and then you have the audacity to offer it back gently, sticks poised in a way that the other half is facing him and easy to grab with his mouth should he wish.

He glares at it while the whole table waits with held breath. Izuku watches, ready to pounce with a Kaachan to avert his attention from your ever growing cocky form.

Instead of explosions or a flip of the long table, teeth gingerly take the other half of the fish cake.

You blush furiously as he holds eye contact with you, lips still over chopstick. It was as if the world fell to a black backdrop as he stared up at you.

"Are you sure she's not your girlfriend?" Denki finally asks breaking whatever spell was on the two of you. Bakugou quickly bites down harshly, snapping the chopsticks in his mouth like a heathen. He spits the two tips perfectly into the electric man's food before baring his teeth.

"I'm fucking sure." His tone is deadly before he continues to eat his ramen, "OI the fuck are yall looking at?! Finish your dinner."

Everyone returns to eating but you as you seem to almost be frozen in place. Replaying what just happened. How could someone so...so...so God damn harsh be so gentle. Or even look up at you with a gaze that was heated with something other than malice or hate for you.

You're brought back to reality when Kirishima offers you another set of plastic chopsticks.

"Yea I think you might owe me forty now." You joke and his laugh rings out over the patio.

"Desert anyone?" The waiter asks from behind you. You turn with glee, ready to announce that you will have the death by chocolate cake, that is until you are met with forest green eyes that are trained solely on you. No notepad in sight as the rest of the former class belts out what their sweet tooth is craving.

Your mouth goes dry and you fight to keep the blood from draining in your cheeks. You look over his face noting the odd, slightly hysterical smile he wears as you force yourself to control your face. Bringing your features into that of boredom, if he knew you recognized him that would only solidify the validity of his stalking.

Truly giving his actions purpose as to how he got here and how the hell he got a uniform for the restaurant.

"I'll take my check please." Your voice comes out apathetic as you turn away from him but before you do you notice the hurt that flashes in his eyes.

"Coming right up miss." His voice comes out smooth, normal but you hear the difference. The odd undertone that comes with an unstable mind that believes they are entitled to what they want.

It is a voice you will not be able to get out of your head soon enough.

You cannot stop your hand as it flies under the table to grip onto Bakugou's thigh with sharp nails biting through the fabric of his pants. He parts his lips to yell but his threat for you to be patient dies in his throat when he feels just how tightly you're holding onto him.

Hard enough to shake from the strain of holding back. Your petite hand glowing faintly. He looks over his shoulder then but cannot see anything out of the ordinary before his eyes shift back to your hand.

He does not let his eyes linger long knowing that anything over a second would give you away. Even as you laugh with Mina, your hand stays glued to his thigh.

You fight the urge to cling to Bakugou or Izuku as the three of you walk down the darkened streets. You're exhausted, angry and more than ready to take a scalding hot shower before going to bed. Once you three walk through the lobby doors you sprint up the stairs, too impatient for the elevator as you stare at room number 404 you remember that your key lies inside, forgotten on the coffee table.

No matter, you've picked plenty of locks or had the door seemingly open from within with your power many times before. You flick your wrist and the door opens of it's own accord before you slam it shut rushing into the bathroom to peel off your second skin.

You hear grumbling from the hall and your ears just barely pick up Bakugou's words.

"I still have her damn card."

"Just hold onto it Kaachan, she's had a long day.

Their doors slam in unison and the sound still causes you to jump although you knew the sound was coming. You take a few collected breaths as the soothing steam fills your lungs as it does the small bathroom.

The vapor dances in the light as you attempt to towel dry your hair and mostly fail.

You give up half way through, abandoning the towel as you exit the bathroom to the small bedroom. You see a shadowy figure sitting in the chair by the bedside and flick your wrist flinging it into the ceiling for it to come crashing back down before you flick on the lights.

You laugh bitterly to yourself when you see the lewd shirtless Bakugou staring up at you, having somehow forgot your ridiculous purchase and good time.

A heavy exhale leaves you as you dig in your bag, finding the bralette and cheeky black underwear you planned to wear for bed. Sliding them over your thick frame with ease, flopping on the bed with the Bakugou pillow. Looking at his flushed cheeks give you a laugh, bringing you back to leaning against his muscular frame to reach your wallet.

The way he looked up at you beneath long lashes, how his eyes held new life. No longer were you under his scorching gaze, it had softened. Become warm.

Your own cheeks burn as you slam the pillow down.

"So Kaachan the fish cake is your fav huh?" You ask softly to yourself as you force memories of him yelling at you during missions to the forefront of your mind.

It works for the time being, you punch the pillow in its "gut" before turning on your side trying hard for sleep.

Just as you begin to loose where your dream starts and your conciousness ends you hear talking in the hall.

God you hated hotels as you're woken by the commotion. They are drunk from the likes of it, screaming of how great of a time they had as they make their way down the hall. You turn facing the door with a growl, squeezing your eyes shut.

You hear footsteps again but this time they do not bypass your door and they seem to stand before it. You prop yourself up on your elbow as you hear the door jiggle.

"Are you sure this is her room?"

Your heart begins pounding in your chest, you know that voice.

You were determined to commit it to memory despite only hearing a sentence from its owner

"Yes I'm sure."

"Give me a key." The voice comes out dark and your throat dries as you silently shift from the bed onto the carpet with bare feet.

"I cant. I shouldnt have even brought you this far cuzzo."

"Useless." He snarls as he activates his quirk, a flesh colored liquid pools beneath the door, struggling to get in through the cracks.

You back up until your hands are pressed against smooth glass. You gently ease the door open before sliding it shut behind you. You stand on the balcony looking left and then right before wondering which room is fucking which.

Was Deku to the right? The left? You weren't sure as time ticked by too quickly. His quirk must not have worked so you watched the door handle jiggle again causing your skin to crawl as you scramble to the balcony to your left.

You hoped and prayed two things.

One that whomever was trying break into your room would leave once he was unsuccessful.

And two that you were not on the balcony of a certain hot head as you eased yourself into the flimsy plastic chair.

You couldn't stand the thought of showing him any more vulnerability this comic con. You hug your knees as the voices and bangs from the hall are drowned out by the loud traffic below.

Wishing for this nightmare to end.

Oh but my sweet child it had just begun.

[yoongusworld]

title –> Lifetime

genre –> smut , one sided love , nurse and pianist reader x pianist ,heir yoongi! oneshot.

characters –> bts! yoongi x reader , y/n ,dahyun.

this is based on imagination,character used exists but this is only a fanfiction.

i would like to give credits for some lines i will use

-hardfactzquotes,poise,blogkiat,themindsjournal.com,the last part i there is no watermark so i dont know who owns that but ctto.

my mom said that love can conquer all.the most scariest thing i don't want to experience is heartbreak but i you need to fall inlove and feel your heart break.One sided love is beautiful yet a heartbreak.No expectations,nothing in return,just pure love.Yet it hurts,no doubt. but nothing can be as beautiful as one sided love story.

"y/n honey! wake up! you'll be late for you practice daughter!" those words are loud.i'm sleepy.

"moooom~i practiced all night my fingers feel numb and my piano seems sad like it wants to give up~" i lazily replied to my mother.

"honey..you play for patients in the hospital you need to inspire them with your music,you said that right? plus payment is high you can add that when you leave or you want me to just pay--" i cut my moms words and said

"uuuuuugh--mom i know we have lots of money but i don't want to depend on your money its not that im not accepting your hardworks its just i want to prove everyone that i will not just depend on how rich we are. i know i can do it" i know i can.

"i know honey..i believe in you,you're the best choice i chose in my whole life and i know you never done anything wrong because youre my daughter,i love you honey...now get up!!" she said and patted my legs.

"love you too mom..here i come practice!!" and we both laugh. i love my mom. she supported me in every aspects of my life,every journey of my chilhood,teenage and being an adult and i will repay all her hardwork as my mom and as my dad.

after taking a quick bath i head to our kitchen to see what my mom cooks for breakfast and eat.

"bye y/n honey..please be safe. don't forget to put ointment on you finger,okay?" she pecked my cheeks like i'm a little child and said goodbye.

"bye mom!!" i drove to my practice place where aspiring pianists are really trying their best to learn more about piano.I'm not saying that im already a pro but i am really good at this. the're will be a program in a hospital where they will choose one pianist to play at 'bringing back patients to life with music program' sounds like they're already dead? and i was the chosen one.lucky me.there's a guy here who doesn't even talk and always seems..lonely.i am curious about him even i know shouldn't,i dont know its just like..he got me. going inside the practice room everybodys eyes are all on me even the piano teacher.

"Well goodmorning ms.lee,the chosen one. Everyone i forgot to tell y'all that y/n is going to play piano at the hospital program,congratulate her" as everyone claps i saw the introvert guy who put his hands together and clap a little. he's cute but he scares me sometimes. after all those claps i sat down next to him. i purposedly sat beside him. "u-um...h-hiii,i'm lee y/n, i see you don't talk too much so–" i thought i was the only one who can cut words,he did cut my words.

"i know you." how?that sounds great i dont need to introduce myself a lot.

"really???but how?" i asked while the piano teacher is doing his business on some sort of things.he is still looking at the lyrics,notes in front of him not even wanting to spare a glance at me.but when he talks he looks at my eyes well its not a look,more like a glare.

"youre mom is a doctor in 'Asan Mecial Center Soul' no wonder they chose you to play in the hospital because your mother is a doctor"he smirked and i was shocked on his words is he saying that i depend on my mom to get inside the program?!

"e-excuse me but i didn't ask any help from anyone i know inside that hospital!" who does he think he is?he look back on his papers not even replying on what i said. he is rude and scary as expected.

"yah!y/n" my friend dahyun hooked me up "what?" i replied. she's on my right side while that rude guy is on my left. "Are you seriously talking to min yoongi?!" she wishpered to me "who?who is yoongi?"i asked confused. "duh its the guy beside you girl!" so his name is yoongi?? "whats up with him?does he really talk rudely to people?!" i asked dahyun slightly mad. "yes!but he's hot isnt he? he is the next heir of the AMCS he is soon the president of the hospital,i heard he finished medicine and piano is just his hobby when he is bored,girl there is no way you dont know him!" it looks like he is that popular. i get more interested.my mom is one of the doctors there yet,i dont heard anything 'bout him.

after piano practice me and my bestfriend dahyun headed to the café. "whats up with you y/n? you seemed so quiet since we talked about yoongi" i still did not answer her question "hey!y/n are going to keep looking on your favorite iced americano?the ice is melting what the hell are you thinking there?!" i really need to ask dahyun since she knows everything about handsome and popular guys. "dahyun,what more you know about yoongi?" i asked im not shy to ask shes my bestfriend i can trust her with all my rants and secrets. "Hmm well they said that yoongi is really introvert not until her girlfriend appear‐-" she have girlfriend. "her girlfriend is the richest before they also said that yoongi wasn't planning to fall for her but he did. but after all their love story is tragic. shin hyemin's car crashed and its almost 1year but she's still in a coma her parents are lacking hope but not yoongi and thats when he turn back being quiet and rude. haish he really love her,i hope i will also have a relationship like them." she pouts and out her hand under her chin. "why are u suddenly interested at him huh? do you have a crush on him?" i don't know actually its just he is interesting,i want to know him.

"no!its because he talks rudely to me,thats why" i protest looking on a big glass window beside our table drinking my melted ice iced americano. "btw y/n the program is going near you only have 2days to look pretty!!" i sighed remembering the program "i know and i know you will help me find a nice outfit for it,right?" she also sighed and just nodded not having any choice "hm well good".

—after two days—

"yah y/n i really love this white dress on you,you indeed look like an angel fallen from the sky!!!" i spin myself like a princess feeling the white dress i am wearing "wow! my daughter is so beautiful!!!" we heard a voice from the door assuming its mom "yes of course auntie,i chose her outfit!" dahyun pouts "haha i know dahyunie thank you very much" i said and playfully hug her "ok bye girls,i need to go early one of the patients are slowly healing" she said then finally go "i wonder whos patient is that,your mom is great" dahyun said "i know now lets go and get readyyy,the program will start in 1hr!!!"

yoongi's pov

two days passed since i start to attend piano class to atleast reduce my stress but still,y/n is always bugging me,i cant get enough of her,she is making me do things i'm not supposed to do before. i was early to visit my girlfriend as always. as expected she's still on her coma,i don't know how long i can wait for her i am the next heir and my father wants me to find a woman that i will soon marry. i love this woman,she's my life. there's a mysterious man that always looking through hyenmins door i asked her parents if they know him or if hyenmin knows that guys but her parents said that they don't know him. Its kinda bothering me but unless as he isn't doing anything it will be fine.

"yoongi,thanks for visiting our daughter but you need to rest." her father said with a eyes of pity.

"no s-sir,i am completely fine" i faked a smile.

"yoongi,son,we told you right? its ok for us if you decided to find someone else its been a almost a year we should give up but you insisted and stay by her side,you are so kind and warm hearted yoongi but please remember this 'if you find someone that will make you happy we are fine with that' we know you always try hard to take care of hyenmin but now im returning your kindness to you and go find someone else"mrs. shin said to me with her eyes that were very teary,tears also escaped my eyes i dont wanna leave her,i can't imagine life without hyenmin even i knew that she hurt me.

"yoongi,you're such a great man. you can be with her until she woke up and explain everything to her we are here for you" his father was never like this he used to dislike me for hyenmin because i was playboy back then but she changed me i was happy with her.

"t-thank you mr and mrs.shin" i cried. "the program will start we'll going down,we heard you love piano. you should watch it too" he smiled at me and get out inside the room where hyenmin was.

ah yeah that stupid girl with her stupid program.she talks a lot like you hyenmin and moves like you. what should i do? she's more likely like you but u know that i will never replace you with anyone even you replaced me.

your pov

yup!!this is it y/n you can freaking do this,its just sick people,disabled people ugh!!but still they're people y/n why are you like this? "the next is a beautiful young lady who plays the piano,lee y/n" the mc speaks and called my name,this is it,for real!!! as i go to the stage theater of the hospital everyone is looking at me i guess white dress isn't a good idea? i nervously sat down the piano chair and get my hands ready above the piano. I played beethovens Moonlight Sonata.it certainly brightens the piece but it's not terribly emotional. Emotionally it makes me feel like life at the height of its passion.everyone looks emotional some are enjoying.

yoongi's pov

since i was tired i decided to go to the theater and see what that y/n can really do. its not yet starting but i hear the mc said that lee y/n is next and she's playing a piano. open the door and sat down at the back of the hospitals theater "s-sir what are you still doing here? Mr.min will scold you if he saw you here" i sighed and out my palms onto my forehead its one of my fathers bodyguard are they following me? "he will scold me if you told him that i am here so shut up" i saw y/n starts to play she's playing beethovens moonlight sonata huh i guess she wants everyone to cry.a person who knows music will know its sweet but a typical person who will hear it will definitely cry. as she plays long she is pouring her heart out on whats she's doing,she even wear a white dress she l-looks like an angel fallen from the-- shit! what am i saying?! i admit she is very attractive but she is distracting me from my girlfriend. (End of yoongis pov)

As soon as y/n finished the piano yoongi goes outside the theater and head home.She was fascinated by y/n.She never tought this will happen to him when he still has a girlfriend.This cant be happening he said to himself. He should finds out whats that feeling he's been craving whenever he looks at you.

i was laying on my bed thinking if its really yoongi or not"dahyun,i told you i saw yoongi inside the theater i am not lying or seeing someone that wasnt him coz i know its really him!!!" i explained to my bestfriend who looks at me in disgust. "whats with the disgust face?!" i shouted in stress. "ok let's say that—oh! yoongi was there but, he isn't there for you. he was probably taking care of her sleeping beauty!" while she laughed at me i am still stressed i am having a different feelings about him,its look like he shoots me with his killer looks and glare that i cannot forget those. "i–i know but–dahyun you're my bestfriend and i want to be honest with you on what i feel" then she replied with hum crossing both of ther arms together on his chest. "i really feel curious about yoongi he looks very mysterious and you know i like a person who is mysterious in a good way" she has a girlfriend i know that and im still finding out. "please y/n don't make actions you will regret after just remember i am here for you" she smiled and hugged me. she is right.

another piano lesson.i have no time eating breakfast my mom is already in the hospital and i sooooo lonely dahyun will not pick me up so i guess i drive myself there. I sighed remembering yoongi will be there. we are complete stranger but why do i feel this way towards him?This is crazy.im crazy. i was suddenly awaken my mind hearing my phone ringing "yes mom?" what is it this time?! "honey i am sorry to bother you but after your piano class can you please go here in the hospital" i get inside the class after we talk and there is no sign of yoongi everywhere "what happend to him?" i mumured "WHO?" i was startled by the voice behind me "yah!you startled me!!!" she smiled and grab my arms "lets go" after class me and dahyun planned to go shopping but obviously there was an urgent problem in the hospital and they need my help (i know y'all wondering why,easy) "ugh!y/n we supposed to date today!!"dahyun pouted. "i know im sorry they need a sub in the hospital" i calmly explained to her "you said you don't like to be a nurse but you finished nursing,you know what you confuse me sometimes!!" we laughed as i headed to the hospital.

—AT THE HOSPITAL—

"hey honey glad you made it here,thank you so much daughter we are really lacking of nurses this week but they promised to pay me double for that and i'll give some to you,okay?" i nodded and changed ny clothes to nurses clothes. its not easy to be a sub nurses but i am one of the most payed doctors daughter so its easy for me to get in and loved to help. i will soon leave my mom alone and i want to cherish her a lot so much this past few months. "you look good in nurses outfit,are you playing roleplay here?" a cold voice appeared behind me while i was walking in the hall and i fastly turn my back to that guy i knew it was him "y–yoongi? why did you not attend piano lesson today?" i asked i know i was out of line but i badly want to know his reason "i visited someone" he said coldy and walk past at me "h–hey y–yoongi wait!" he stopped walking but did not turn back to look at you. "what?"he simply talked "just wanted to talk to you.uh erm..if you'll let me???" what did i just say? and now i need to talk to him if he agree.

after my duty as a nurse today i looked at yoongi who is sipping his coffee looking at the sky at the hospitals rooftop i sighed and cut the silence between us "i just want to know if you're fine" i scratched the back on my neck really shy to talk to him "none of you're business" i need to get used to his rudeness "s–sorry i really wanted to be your um f–friend?if thats possible you know?" he heard it for sure but acted like he didn't "i have lots of friend,i dont want to add one anymore"again with his cold tone "well the more the merrier,they said" as i laughed sarcasticly "you're really different aren't you?" he laughed and looked at me "hm...i am" we both laughed and took advantage of a beautiful sun setting on its own.

months have passed i continued working inside the hospital as a nurse while dahyun works at her parents company and...me and yoongi are now friends we hang out a lot i can see he is happier now and i guess i just achieved my goal to make him happy.

"yah give it to me you asshole!" y/n reached for his hand but he is taller than her "only of you'll treat me dinner!" he shouted y/n ran over him but instead she hugged him tight. time stopped for a moment but he speaks up "a–all right,fine here!!" He finally give up and hand her the wallet. they were silent,the rooftop was silent,no birds,no animals,no people,just y/n and yoongi.we sat for another sunset to watch "i never thought we will be good friends" she said and he huffed "you are so noisy who wouldnt talk and hangout with you just to make you quiet?" she playfully punch him and laughed "its because you want me yoongi! If you dont then get rid of me!!!" She shouted to him alongwith a pout making him laugh even more.

she makes him happy how can he able to get rid of her?

After that yoongi and y/n hang out a lot. go to a coffee shop early in the morning, walking in the middle of the night when y/n messed up on hospital,watch movies when yoongi has a problem with his father and hyenmins condition.

you two were hanging out but the doctors called him to tell that hyenmin had seizure so yoongi rapidly ran to the hospital with just only one word he left that y/n always holds "sorry" that sorry followed by another sorry and another and another one. you cannot blame him,you came in his life in a wrong time.

this feelings you have been keeping wasn't like any other like your past relationships. you don't even tried to touch yourself when you think of them and be bold in words around them but with yoongi,its all different. you became more and more comfortable with each other as time passed.

we always seeing each other inside the hospital we ate lunch together,watch sunset together,walk outside together we did a lot as a friend but thats not what i feel anymore i am not curious about him now because i fell for him its more that just a friend and i am sure. we supposed to hangout after my shift .

I texted him to ask where is he. he isnt replying to all my texts "haaaaa where is he now??" i tapped one of my foot on the tiles waiting for yoongi at the hall "hey!!!" someone shocked me "yoongi!!!you startled me!! what took you so long?!" i pout and crossed my arms on my chest "im sorry okay,on my house?" he friendly hugged me that made me blushed. "yah!we're at the hospital and i'm a nurse" he look at me in confused and said "this hospital is mine and i dont care,how about we hang out now okay?no more talking"

we made it into his penthouse. this is the third time i came to his house first was because i bargged in to ask him if i can be his frien,second is when we became close friends that was memorable i am not sure but he was stressed that time so i hugged him as friend but i know we both felt that tension between us,we almosy kissed but the doctor call him about hyenmin. and now is the third,i really crave for this man but he doesn't feel the same.

"how about a movie?" he asked. "that sounds great but can you please order pizza im kinda craving pizza right now and im freaking tired!" i said and flopped myself onto his soft couch "okay just choose a movie while i order"he said while taking off his leather jacket and shoes,he is so hot i cannot stop thinkinh doing dirty thoughts with him but i remember hyenmin all of a sudden.

"can i turn the lights off?" i shouted at yoongi "sure!!!" she shouted back. after a minutes i already chose a movie to watch 'after' "what movie is that?" he asked and also flopped hiself on his couch "idunno its currently number 1 on netflix so this should be good" i yawn and arch my back to stretch "sleepy?" yoongi looked at me,his eyes are different today "n-no just tired. my back really hurts".

"how about a back massage?just a thank you for accompanying me" he slightly laughed and scratched the back of his neck "woah!thats the most kind word i heard today!thanks!" i speak in sarcastic way,he just rolled his eyes on me and pull me down to massage my back.

"ah~yes yoongi right there please~" it was almost a moan "how come you're good at this?" i asked while he continue massaging my back. "i learned it from hyenmin" he said. i admit that hurts me ofcourse he will still love his girlfriend i am not expecting anything just seeing him happy makes me okay.

yoongi's pov

"i learned it from hyenmin" i replied to her. It seems like she doesn't care. y/n keeps moaning while i massage her back it's making me aroused hearing her voice like that it's also been a while since i had sex. "ahh~yoongi thats right" she tilt her head making her hair fall to the side revealing her neck. i cannot take this anymore i am going to explode if she continue teasing me like this. "ahhh!~ yoongi thats hurts! are you alright?" i snapped into reality when i heard my name from her mouth "uh–um i–im sorry is the movie already done?" i changed the topic covering my hardening bulge with a pillow. "not yet were just in the rated 18+ part" she calmly said how can she be calm talking about the sex scene.

"i moan better than her" she said my eyes widen by her sudden words,she's eating the pizza sitting beside me,i see she's playing games with me, "what makes you say that huh?"i smirked at her and then she looks at me "yah!my ex and i attempt lots of sex he even recorded my voice because no one can moan how i moan!"she sound like she is scolding me. what is she saying? we were not comfortable to say things like this,she is totally different.i began talking to her comfortably in just a month not like others even hyenmin,or the six of my bestfriends.

"are you listening?!" she slap my shoulder playfully "i–i am" i replied. "yoongi can i lay on your lap?"did i hear her clear? im freaking hard right now and she wants to lay? On my lap?! "okay i'll take that as a yes!" with that she lay her head on my lap near my bulge as i began groaning when she moves.

"stop playing games with me y/n, i promise wo won't like it"

"what games?" and she continuesly moving,this is fucking great.

your pov

"y/n can you please stop freaking m-moving?!"he said at me more like a shout. "sorry" the movie is done but yoongi is just staying still on his sitting position "yah did you forget to move yoongi?" i laughed at him histerically cos he literally stopped moving he's like a stone i stopped laughing when i felt a hand on my waist.

it was yoongi,he was gripping my waist so hard all i see is him on top of me "i told you to stop freaking moving and now you're laughing like you don't know what you did huh?nurse y/n." he said looking at me with his dark eyes i really have no idea what he's saying "y–yoongi,i have no—" he cut my words

"damn you and your excuses,you make me this hard y/n. now make it up for me" i didn't even have the chance to talk when he slammed his lips in mine harshly i don't want to give in but in myself i am liking this yoongi. i kissed him back. he bite my lower lip asking for entrance he is dominating every moves. our tounges are dancing together our kiss is became steamy and hot i feel my core getting wet.

his lips are now going down to my neck biting the skin creating a hickeys "y–yoongi" i breathed out. he pull up the hem of my shirt taking it off and unclasping my bra so easily. his mouth made it to my hardening nipple nibbling his tongue on it while other hand massaging my left breast. i interwined my fingers through his soft hair as he continue to suck my breasts

"uugh y–yoongi~" i continue moaning his name pain and pleasure is what i am feeling right now as he began biting my nipples. i know i am being selfish right now. but just one day,one night will be enough with me.

his lips are moving further down pulling my skirt up to my belly that makes me shiver and aroused, he kissed my core and looked up at me and ask permission

"can i?" i nodded and he moved my panties to the side as i moaned when i felt his hot breath to my core sending shivers down my spine "y–yoongi p–pleaseee" i begged being desperate for him. "i need you y-yoongi" i moaned out "you're getting it for being a slut y/n"his words can make even a boy horny, he fastly remove my skirt along with my panties.

yoongi is eating me out like a hungry man "f–fuck" the only word thats getting out of my mouth as he continues to work on his tongue technology on my wet core

"cumming~" i moaned out as i feel my high going soon "cum for me baby" he mumbled thats vibrating on my core as i release my high.

"hmm so sweet" he said going back to my mouth as i taste myself on him,our kiss become sloppy. he breaks the kiss and breath heavily.

i heard a belt falling on the carpet "so beautiful" he whispered to himself but i still manage to hear

"how about you suck me first before i give you want you want,huh?is that good" he said with a raspy voice while touching my ass cheeks i gently oblige him as he sat down the couch and i get on my knees. his eyes are so dark full of lust.

i pull his pants down along with his boxers while he remove his white shirt,his hardened cock sprung out proudly standing up onto his belly it was an average size but he was thick enough to make me shout in pleasure.

“suck”he said in full of dominance i licked his dick like a kitten as you heard him hiss.

"don’t be a fucking tease" he shoves his hips sliding himself between your parted lips and onto your mouth. you taste the saltiness of arousal leaking from his swollen cock, you take him all in swirling you tongue around his pulsating cock. "ugh,your tongue feels so fucking good baby."

yoongi moans like his stresses are melting away with every in out pace of your mouth on his cock. he grips you hair so tight knowing he is almost there "fuck baby deeper,just like that. ughh f-fuck" he controls the pace making you choke,tears escaped from your eyes "uhhh your mouth feel so good baby,y–yeah" he is mouth fucking you.

"take it all,d–dont leave any single drop" you suck harder "i–m c–cumming" he groaned "f–fuck y/n take it all" i can feel his grip on my scalp,tears are still flowing as his hot cream shots down to your throat "fucking swallow my cum baby"

he pulled me up to him making me sit on his lap "ride me y/n,ride me like a good girl"

"yes daddy" he spanked my ass feeling a hot stingy sensation.

spank

spank

spank

i only yelp by his actions,it hurts but its good.

"do you want daddy to fuck you hard,huh?"

he said with a low raspy voice he put his long slender finger under my dripping core making me jump

"y–yes d–daddy fuck me h–hard" i moaned desperately

"you're fucking dripping for me you slut" he pumps his dick and gently slide it inside your wet core. you squeezed your eyes feeling his thick cock inside your pussy.

you wrap your arms around yoongis neck and breathing hardly

"damn it,y–you're so tight y/n" he waits until i adjust and move up and down his lap with his cock inside my core

he suck my nipples making me moan so loud he stopped and sucked your collarbones marking his territory "this is fucking mine,all mine" he grips your waist fucking you harder

"ugh y–yes d–daddy fuck me harder" he seems to like the daddy kink "daddy kink huh,i love it" he whispered to your ears still fucking you senseless "does mrs.lee k–knows that her daughter is a f–fucking slut around my cock,huh?"he said burying his cock deep inside you as you arched your back.

yoongi's pov

she is a moaning mess,i haven't done this for a year i can say that she is really good at this. i can't lie i am enjoying her company,i want her always beside me,she is making me happy and most of all she's making me good but i'm not sure about the feeling "f–fuck daddy,y–yes!!" she moans as i fuck her harder than ever "y–you will forget y–your name baby girl" i laid y/n on her back parting her legs wider to get better access on her g-spot.

"am i hitting it huh?f-fucking answer me" i said as i push harder inside her tight pussy "y–yes y–yoongi" she moaned "l-look at me" i command as she open her eyes straightly looking into my eyes,she is driving me insane.

i can feel her clench on my cock warning that she is cumming i fastened my pace harder "i-im cumming!" she moaned loud "cum with me"i burried my face on the side of her neck saying dirty words," i fucking l–love you" he said.with one last hard thrust her cum collided with mine. i gently pull my softened dick outside her pussy and pecked her lips. "thank you y/n" and then collapsed on her side still chasing our breaths.

"for what?" she asked "for staying and taking care of me,erm and being a good friend,i guess?" she looked at me with her angel eyes. she don't deserve someone like me,she deserves someone who will treat her better "i'll clean you up". i said "n-no i can do it,s–sorry i–im leaving." why? after all she will leave? she stands up gathering all her clothes and wearing them one by one.i respect her decision to leave so i let her.

you pov

yoongi collapsed beside me after chasing our highs he finally speaked up "thank you" for what? "for what?" i replied "for staying and taking care of me,erm and being a good friend,i guess?" friends. friend of course i am just a friend,you want this y/n now accept the consequences.you just filled up his needs not his empty heart. "i'll clean you up" he said "n-no i can do it,s–sorry i–im leaving." i think we will both needing space after this incident. i leave wearing all my clothes and drive home.

i should've stayed but i feel like i was used. i know i liked it too but still he called me as his 'friend' fucking wont make us official and i know that so that i love you doesn't mean anything to him?

at home

"hello?y/n?why did you call at this hour? is there a problem?are you crying?" dahyun asked me so many times but i still sobs and cry like crazy "y–you were right,i shouldn't make decisions i will regret!" i cried even more remembering what happen between me and yoongi "it's all going to be fine y/n. you just loved knowing he doesn't finish loving someone else,sushhh its alright just cry it all out,ok?you have work tomorrow you should be beautiful" but i still cry

"dahyunnnn! i love yoongi!!!what should i do?!" she sighed after saying a word "just talk to him,thats the better thing to do y/n do not avoid him or something. just talk and say what you really feel all this time". she is right.

after weeks i will finally showed myself up for my last day im hospital as a nurse.i prepare to go to work,putting make up on because i cried a lot last night. i sat down on my bed looking in the mirror,theres so many boxes on my room,yup i am slowly packing all my things since yoongi and me became really close friends . i am preparing to leave since then.

after 1hour i arrived at the hospital,i am scheduled to shin hyenmin today i guess its really a bad day to start to. i go inside the hospital changing my clothes into nurses clothes. i can't see where my mom is,i guess she is busy. i gathered the tray with injections ready to go to yoongi's girlfriend,im in the front of her room door "you can do it y/n" i slowly open the door and peeked who's inside. its a group of boys talking to each other i can't see the others face but i assumed they are 7 guys including yoongi.

i finally made it inside and talk like a professional nurse "excuse me sir but i need to inject this to her today...you can all stay but um just move aside." i smiled at them not even looking at yoongi, "wait–y/n is that you?!" one guy speak up i can't see his face but when yoongi moves i finally saw him "jungkook?" its him,the one who organized my house in u.s "i thought you already leave the country–" he was cutted by the other guy and said "let her inject something on yoongis girl bro" the boy said with a boxy smile "um oh yeah sorry i carried away" after injecting on hyenmin yoongi goes to her not even sparing a glance on me,holding her hand.

"wah yoongi really love hyenmin" its a guy with a wide shoulders. "y/n can we talk?" jungkook said. "um-yeah sure,ummm outside?" i point my thumb outside the door and we both talk there. i saw yoongi looking at us but when he knew i was looking he looks back at hyenmin. "um see you later guys,just gonna talk with this beautiful lady here!" jungkook winks at them "nice one jk!"a cute like a sun guy said and i blushed and the bowed goodbye at them.

"sooo~what is it?" i asked him "yoongi hyung is talked us about you,a lot." he confronts me "b-but.how?why? r–really?" why did he do that? "we don't know either but we knew yoongi hyung so much and we know something bothering him,he seems very happy now we thought hyenmin wwas awake but he said it was a girl he met on piano class" jungkook explained "he has hyenmin,i am just,a friend"

I lowered my head and interwined my fingers together as jungkook hold my hands "no y/n i'm not here as your organizer. im here for my hyung he loves you. hyenmin cheated on him a lot but still he stays thats why she has an accident because hyenmin chase him when he ran away caughting her cheat and he blamed himself."

yoongi never told me that. but still. he still love her. i knew that,the way he looks at her,kiss her lips and hold her hands. not just because we had sex doesnt mean he loves me more like i said i fulfill his needs but not his empty heart.

"the hardest thing to do is to watch someone you love,love someone else." i cried,again. jungkook hugged me as friend and told me everything will be fine. they always say that but everything will not be fine. "so are you still leaving the country?" he asked breaking our hug. "um it was planned year ago before i fell inlove with yoongi,so it is still on plan"

—inside hyenmins room—

hoseok : yah!guys look at our jk he is making a move to a girl,im so proud!

as they peak through the window of the door.

namjoon : wahh he is really good at girls!

jimin : our maknae is holding a girls hand!!

seokjin & tae : let me see!!

yoongi : can you all be quiet!!! move!!! let me see!!!

seokjin : yah yoongi-ah just accept the fact that you like her! and stop being jealous they're probably 'friends' like you and her.

he teases him that pissed him off even if that is the fact.

tae : jin-hyung is right hyung we all know the fact that unnie cheated on you but still you blame yourself on what happened so you can't let go.

yoongi felt weak at their words.

yoongi : shut up. i wont leave hyenmin for any other girls out there.

jimin : lol hyung then stop talking to us on how happy you are when you're with her.

yoongis pov

they are all right,but hyenmin and i didn't broke up,i just ran away. my thoughts were gone when we saw hyenmin slowly opening her eyes. "CALL A DOCTOR!! hyung she open her eyes!" namjoon shouted i ran to hold hyenmins hand "are you awake?" i said in gentle voice. "y–yoongi,babe is that you?" she said while crying 'babe'? the doctors came and told us to step outside the room to check up on her when i saw jungkook and others leaving and y/n packing her nurses things.

"so?she's awake,congrats!" y/n said with a weak smile,i still dont know how to face her after what happen to us "i–im sorry y/n,i know i fucked up but–" she cutted me telling me words i was scared to hear "no need to apologize yoongi,none of this are your fault.

I wanted this at the first place,be happy with her make her smile,i know you love her more than anything.its funny actually how a person can break your heart,and you can still love them with all the little pieces.ha ha why am i tearing? sorry tears of joy". but i know deep inside i was heartbroken after all it was my fault.

dahyun was right i shouldn't make actions just like that but she was wrong that i will regret this because yoongi is the best choice i've chosen.

"go to her yoongi,i hope we can still be friends. ju–just forgot what happened to us like you said,you thank me for being a good friend and now i am and i am proud that i am your friend." i cannot stop my tears its just flowing on its own.

yoongi cannot even speak a word to me,i guess he is speechless haha "y/n i love you as–" as much as you think . i put words next on what he supposed to say "friend,i know yoongi. i don't really know why i'm still hoping but just wanted to tell you that i love you so much,not as a friend or a piano classmate,but as a man. thank you,you made me happy even in a short period of time.i will never forget those times we we're hanging out but you recieved a call from hospital because of hyenmin haha i cannot stop laughing when you forgot to brush your teeth that time,i missed you a lot" i confessed.

is this my way of saying goodbye?when i decided to walk out for fresh air yoongi stopped me by holding wrist "y/n i– i am really sorry for everything,can you please give me some time to figure this out?" he said as i looked into his watery eyes "make it up to her yoongi,i know she cheated on you and you took blame on what happen to her but– she still needs you there. i just filled up you needs but not your heart and i guess we should stop this unknown thing between us,lets go back being just 'friends'" of course i was hurr by my own words but i think thats for the best of the both of us.

he freed his holds to my wrist as i kept on walking outside the hospital for my last day.

Its all messed up.

also last day in this country,tomorrow will be my flight.

yoongi's pov

i was standing there dumbfounded and also,heart broken. people are calling me "sir ms. hyenmin is looking for you" but that all sounds blurry to me,i only think of y/n right now. is she leaving me? can i live without her presence beside me? without her cheering me up every fucking single day? do i love her? those are questions in my mind. "sir ms.hyenmin is looking for you" the nurse said. they way i feel jealous when she's with jungkook is already an answer . i love her . i just need to talk to hyenmin.

"yoongi,i've already talk to your dad and he wants you to be more realistic and marry someone who can help this hospital and the company bigger" my fathers friend,a doctor said i have enough for this shit,i should marry someone who i love not like this "how many times did you all tell me that?aren't you all tired?" i frowned my eyebrows and ask the doctor another question "how is she?"

"i told her to sleep for an hour,i need to talk to the parents but since they are not here pls tell them that their daughter suffered mild amnesia like i said when the accident happened,it has a big impact that affect her brain. the medicine we're giving to her will help her and will bring her memories back to normal.i'll go now let her rest" he said then go.

i messed up everything,i lost y/n. i lost a friend or should i say a love one.

i told hyenmins parents what happened and they begged me to help hyenmin until she fully regained memories and then i can go and broke things up between us. i dont want to agree but they were begging me to the point they get on their knees.

how about y/n? how about us? i'll comeback to you y/n i promise.

after 1 month hyenmin continues her treatment and regaining memories,i can tell that she is healed now. she took photos of us and post on her sns people really think we're fine but little did they know the man that keeps on going on her room when she is still in the hospital said to me that he is hyenmins secret affair. mentally,emotionally,i finished everything between us. i will broke up with her when she remember that she cheated on me. i wouldn't let her hurt me again.

"hey jungkook? how's y/n? i think she changed her number i reached for her mom but she is not in their house dad also told me that her mom quit her job. look i am asking you because you know her,right?" even its on phone i can feel that jungkook is nervous to tell me something.

"hyung i am very sorry but y/n told me not to tell you this–"

"just tell me that happened man!" i nearly shout.

"as you can she she changed her phone number and sns account so you cannot find her. she is currently on US now,she left the evening when we talk–"

my world seems to crash. all this time she were far from me. no one dare to tell me even dahyun.

"we're in contact,she opens up to me sometimes. she even told me that she is stalking hyenmins account and said 'they look happy' she is not yet moved on hyung,i dont want to tell her what you really feel it is something you should tell her so i get out of your boths business,im really sorry hyung but i hope this will help you"

"no– it's fine man no need to apologize i–i fully understand you intention" after that we said our goodbyes and he gave me y/n's account to just let me visit her account or apologize to her after all what happened.

i will promise to apologize to her and bring her back. I just need to clear everything to hyenmin.

your pov

i cant say i am living my best life now that i am far from the person i love the most,i feel lonely even having lots of friends here in US i feel really empty and sad.

the worst feeling is knowing from the start that its never gonna happen. knowing from the start that he's just too good,way out of your league. feeling concious about how look when time will come you two will meet again and what you do and yet,you try anyway.

you have daydreams and imagines and you just wish evenythough you know that he will never choose you. but the absolute worse is when he told you directly that he only sees you as a friend.

And somehow your heart just wont listen.

I hope there's a lifetime that waits for us in other side of the universe.

you're a good dream sadly i was awaken

should i make part 2?????😭

sorry for wrong grammars,english is not my first language. also i give credits for some quotes and words i used for other part i added. thank you so much. this is my first ever fanfiction i am very sorry if this is bad.

[interrogatormentors]

Event Eleven: Natural

They dissected Ualona in their anatomy class the following day. Sollux knew he should’ve been ready. All of the other subjects in the dissection videos to learn about the inner workings of the body, were young and fit, and more than a few showed signs of distress and torture when they were working on the cadavers. Sollux knew they were working on other trainees, but still they all stopped and stared at the body on the table waiting for them with the exception of Rosmer and Zesaim. Those two remained as placid as ever as of late, eerily so as they took their seats.

A new instructor waited for them, a goldblood with a horrific burn across one side of her face and a bright red eye. “Welcome, recruits,” she said, stretching on some gloves as she spoke, “to the next stage of your anatomy schoolfeeding. As you are well aware, this specimen hasn’t been dead long and I wish to make efficient use of it while it is here. Please take up your tablets-- You will be answering questions as I perform this dissection, so no need for gloves just yet. Once I have been satisfied with your performance, you will be tasked with practicing cuts and sutures on the specimen, as in the field you may have to patch up both yourself and your interrogation subject at any time. Do keep in mind that dead flesh is very different from the living, and respond accordingly. Be very grateful one of your own perished at such a convenient time, as knowing the subject in this unit is optimal. We would hate to have to give you a frozen subject.”

Sollux sat down in his usual seat, and despite his best attempts to remain impartial to avoid punishment he couldn’t help speaking up. His tablet zapped him as he did so, but he continued on without so much as flinching. “I’m not saying I won’t do this, because I know that isn’t an option,” he said. He kept his expression passive, and managed to avoid any further electrocution. “But I’d just like to know what’s accomplished by knowing.. The specimen.” He narrowly avoided grimacing then. He hated speaking as though Ualona was just a piece of meat, but that too had to be buried. Emotions were weakness.

Rosmer scoffed beside him, but the instructor lifted a hand. “Calm yourself, Leywet. Captor here has asked an excellent question.” She began to pace, arms folded behind her back. “Why indeed? The answer is simple-- there is no greater weakness than close relationships. Alliances are useful to use and exploit, but sentimental clinging will always serve as a detriment. If your closest friend is a traitor to the empire, you must be able to detach yourself and do what is done.” Sollux stiffened by a millimeter, and immediately the instructor’s good eye fixed upon him as she continued speaking. “We are the sharpest knives of the empire, recruits. Do not forget that.”

Trisia averted her eyes as the instructor went back to the table and picked up a scalpel, but Sollux forced himself to watch. He could feel something in him slipping away, giving up as the instructor put the knife to Ualona’s chest. “You are all familiar with the first cut to start with, yes? Do tell me my predecessor did not fail you in that regard.”

Sollux glanced over at Mercuo, who shrugged a shoulder, but they all answered correctly: a Y-cut, to access the chest and organs within for an autopsy-style investigation. Ophlia refused to answer, hands flat on her desk in front of her, and didn’t move as her tablet zapped out at her.

“Please be mature about this, Miss Davrot,” the instructor said. She made the initial cut, exposing the abdominal and thoracic cavities with a clean Y-cut. “When performing your own dissections, remember to start at the corner of the pectorals and go diagonally until they meet at the midline. Do not make the mistake of starting with the vertical cut down the middle. Cherry picking will get you nowhere. Trolls will, on occasion, hide valuable information in any and all bodily cavities and if they are former helmsmen such as Captor, their brain will have been modified with a partially electronic sector. Never forget to check that area when working with a lowblood. If you have enough adrenaline to mitigate shock, you can even do as much while the subject is awake. That way, you immediately know when you have made a mistake in their pan rather than being surprised by their later incoherence when they come to consciousness.”

The instructor peeled the skin and muscle back, revealing Ualona’s internal cavity. Considering how long he had been dead he did not bleed, but Sollux swallowed back a retch at the foul smell. “Next question, what tool is used to open the ribcage?” Mercuo wobbled in his seat, looking queasy, but answered with the rest.

Sollux got the answer wrong, as did Ophlia by virtue of once again refusing not to answer. Sollux readjusted his grip on his tablet, and took the incorrect answer in stride. He filed the answer away in his notes, color-coded and neat. The sane part of him asked why, why bother considering how he still yearned to escape, but the other half of him reminded him of the futility of the attempt. He had already experienced the helm. Wouldn’t it be better to have a semblance of agency, to walk and eat and sleep like a normal troll? Better trolls had sacrificed more for such a life.

The instructor sliced open the digestive sac then, interrupting Sollux’s thoughts. Mercuo actually threw up then, pressing the back of his hand to his mouth as he lifted his head. Rosmer’s eyebrows twitched, but he leaned in all the same as the instructor started going on about how fast to move to recover objects before stomach acid could damage them if the troll hadn’t taken precautionary measures against it.

The rest of the lesson passed just as unpleasantly as the beginning, and the whirring of the bonesaw at Ualona’s skull continued to echo through Sollux’s pan as they filed from the block. Another new instructor awaited them at physical endurance training, a teal with blind eyes, sickly black cracks shattering his skin, and a shadow that seemed too long and too solid as he paced the room.

Sollux went about coding a new, private chatroom for them all, barring Rosmer and Zesaim seeing as the two both seemed compromised now. He pinged the others, one by one over the next hour so as to not arouse suspicion.

[twinArmaggedons [TA] has opened up the memo porndonotopen]

glorifiedCorpsification [GC] has entered the chat!

cavortingGratuity [CG] has entered the chat!

accentuatedAntimony [AA] has entered the chat!

AA: 7his isnt porn is i7

TA: not iin the mood funniily enough TA: anyone know what wa2 up wiith the two new iin2tructor2?

GC: *No.* GC: *Don’t care.*

CG: i actually Heard oTHers Talking CG: pozoia and juyere were parTners and THeir sHip was aTTacked.

TA: let me check the helmiing channel2.

Sollux opened up the helming channels, plugging in his well-worn code string to bypass the firewalls. A quick scan had his pusher skipping a few beats, and he rolled over on his reclining platform onto his stomach as he scrolled through the data.

TA: the rebelliion got them. TA: they managed two get iin the 2hiip, extract the iinterrogatormentor2, and get out. AA: 7ha7 sounds bull to me. AA: 7hey never would ge7 7aken alive.

TA: word iin the helm ii2 that poiizoiia’2 old mate2priit wa2 iinvolved.

AA: wai7 AA: so i7 wasn7 an a77ack?

AA: i7 was a rescue?

GC: *So our quads weren’t culled.* GC: *Someone misses us.*

AA: oh god did you have a quad.

GC: *Pale*

GC: *My diamond, lime bright and secret.*

GC: *My soul traded for hers. They stated her death was a quick one. Do not know what to believe now.*

TA: okay. TA: okay you know what you diidn’t make a trade.

TA: we’re gettiing out of here.

TA: ii 2ay we try and move wiithiin the periigee before anythiing wor2e happen2 two one of u2. 

Sollux turned off his tablet then, putting it under his pillow and flipping back onto his back to stare at the ceiling. He dared to imagine his friends’ faces then, the friends he’d tried to force himself to forget in an attempt to minimize what the interrogatormentors could use against him. Was Karkat actually looking for him? Was he somewhere out in the stars with the others, tearing ships apart and searching them for a helmsman or a mangled corpse within?

The weeks passed. The escape plan took shape, pupating into something actionable as each day passed. Mercuo had the advantage of his blood, and along with Ophlia’s intimidating bulk he managed to procure escape pod codes from the docking bay. Trisia, already a favorite amongst the guard, managed to get a shift shadowing another while Sollux worked on adjusting the cameras just enough to create blind spots in their vision without arousing suspicion. Another night, another millimeter, until there was a foot of space the cameras couldn’t see leading down the corridor to freedom.

Despite his efforts Sollux found his motivation draining from him with each passing night. He voiced none of his doubts in the chat, but what was even the point of escaping? Interrogatormentor training haunted his every moment, but at least it was better than running from the Empire. Just like rebels, they would be hunted down and given no quarter for abandoning their posts. They’d signed away their lives. Ophlia seemed more outwardly hesitant than he was, but he wasn’t sure how much of that was just her brusque manner of speaking and general stoic demeanor.

After dinner one night, Sollux decided to turn in early. He felt off, a headache building up behind his eyes, and Trisia just about booted him down the hall to sleep. The training that night with Rapard had worn him down to the bone, and he fell asleep the moment his head hit the reclining platform. Only much later would he make the connection between the taste of the food that morning and Rosmer’s bright, eager eyes watching him across the table to how deeply he slept.

When Sollux awoke the next night, Trisia and Mercuo had gone. Sollux met Ophlia’s eyes across the room, and while she betrayed nothing he could tell she was thinking the same as him. They abandoned us. Sollux got dressed in silence with the three others, and out of the corner of his eye saw Ophlia pick up her tub of face paint to apply it for the night, before putting it down again without a word. She walked out of the room, blank faced as the rest of them to meet their usual instructors for training

One by one as they walked, an instructor pulled them away. Sollux followed Rapard in silence, and came to a stop with him outside an unfamiliar block. “Your final exam, recruit,” Rapard said. “Congratulations on making it to the live interrogation. You will be tested on your ability to extract information from the subject and to resist emotional attachments.” Rapard opened the door, revealing Mercuo stripped down to his shorts and strapped to a chair with his head slumped forward to his chest. “You are tasked with interrogating Mercuo Trevan for his attachments to the rebellion, and discovering the location of Trisia Avarae. Culling the subject before you are given the clear will result in immediate failure and your termination. Is this clear, recruit?”

Sollux nodded, a faint pang in his gut as he entered the room. The door slammed shut behind him, and Mercuo’s closed eyes screwed themselves shut a little tighter. Sollux took stock of the situation, seeing a rolling table to the side of the room, equipped with various tools that he’d become well acquainted with in the gruelling time that they’d been in training. Scalpels, knives, scissors. Bundles of wire. Bottles of different types of fluid, one of which was labeled as liquid nitrogen. A styrofoam container that no doubt contained dry ice. Then there was a kettle, a hairdryer, pliers. Each item, regardless of how innocuous they seemed, all had a grim purpose in this room.

Sollux closed his eyes and inhaled, gathering himself. While Rapard had forbidden immediately culling Mercuo, Sollux doubted that Mercuo would walk out of this one alive. Maybe he could try to give Mercuo a quick death anyway. He’d prefer Mercuo lived, because a distant part of him longed for all of this to end and for everything to be okay again. He missed Ualona. He missed Mercuo swearing at him and Zesaim and Rosmer being normal. He missed Trisia managing to make Ophlia laugh. He missed Karkat, accessible now only to Sollux on the culling block should they meet again.

Sollux opened his eyes, rolling his shoulders before raising his hand to the thermostat on the wall. He cranked the temperature up, and braced as a wave of hot air blasted through the vents. Mercuo stirred then, lifting his head and jerking at his bonds.

“Captor? What… What’s going on?”

Sollux almost gritted his teeth, but the ghostly chill of his memories in the freezer helped tame him back. “I think you know what’s going on. You failed. I’m going to pass.”

Mercuo swallowed hard, running his tongue over his lips as the heat in the room rose. “...Sparks. Fuck, what-- I talked to you yesterday.” His eyes fell on something behind Sollux, and Sollux glanced back to spot a blinking red light in the corner. They were being watched. Sollux wondered how soon they would edit down the footage, how long until they released this as just another schoolfeeding supplemental. 

Mercuo recovered first, fins flaring out in a clear signal of aggression as Sollux approached him. Other than that, his face fell into a familiar blank mask of indifference all interrogatormentors wore. “I don’t know what exactly you want, dude, but you’ll have to try harder.” He laughed, thin and mirthless while not a single muscle in his face twitched. “The temperature trials don’t work so much on me anymore. We both went through them.”

Sollux smacked Mercuo in the face, watching a drop of sweat fly off the seadweller’s nose and across the room. “Then you know how this works. I’m asking the questions.” With the addition of the camera in the room Sollux worked harder to maintain a cold mask of control, killing any last remnant of resistance to his training. He had to pass. He had to live. Mercuo had proven his weakness. “I know you went through the training, I’m not a wiggler.” He picked up the bundle of wires from the table, pushing the operculum back and hooking the metal ends to the seadweller’s delicate torso gills with little clamps. “I don’t care if your pan isn’t scrambled, it’s your body I need weak.”

Sollux clutched the wires then, using them as a conduit to direct psionics through all of Mercuo’s gills at once. Mercuo held himself together for a whole thirty seconds before he lost his nerve and screeched, little trickles of blood bursting from the gills’ fillaments from the shock. He bent as much as he could in his restraints, rasping with his eyes wide as Sollux watched him. “Why did Trisia leave you behind? I thought she cared about you.”

“They shot my ankle out,” Mercuo said, wheezing and wincing. A quick glance down confirmed this-- the seadweller’s whole foot and ankle up to the shin were swathed in bandages. The wound still looked fresh. “I threw her into a pod and made her go.” He lifted his head, baring a shark-toothed grin even as his breathing hitched from the pain. “Anything else, Sparks?”

Sollux clenched his fist around the wires, and he caught the tiniest flick of Mercuo’s fin at the motion. Good, he’d managed to already get a panic response. Still he had to remind himself to keep going, to get the answers. He had to cover the bases. He already knew Mercuo’s name. That was always the first step. He had to make sure the subject was uncomfortable, and the blazing hot room accomplished that.

He cocked back his free hand, punching Mercuo right in the face. Mercuo gagged around blood as the punch to the face caused him to cut his inner cheek on his teeth, and Sollux turned as he recovered to turn the heat up even more with his psionics. “I’m asking the questions. You’re just making this difficult, you know it. This could be over now. Where were you planning to go? You never told the rest of us.” He sent out another wave of psionics at Mercuo’s gills, eyes narrowed. “She had to go somewhere. Where is she?”

Mercuo bit his lip hard enough to bleed even more with the second surge of psionics, eyes watering as his gills started to tear under the psionic pressure. Sweat dripped down his face. “No. Try something else. Fffffuck you, Captor. C’mon. This cheesy villain shtick doesn’t fit you. Like I knew you were compromised, man, but you can still bounce back.”

Sollux wrenched Mercuo’s head back, forcing him to stare up at the bright bulb above them. “You know where she went. But take your time. I’m here all night.” He dropped Mercuo’s head, removing the wires and starting to tape them shut instead with some medical tape provided to him. His fingers slipped a little in the violet blood, but he pressed on and moved up to Mercuo’s neck gills until the seadweller was, for the first time in his life, watertight. He covered Mercuo’s face with a cloth, grabbing a pitcher from the table and pouring it onto Mercuo’s face to simulate drowning for a troll that never should have the context for such a situation. Mercuo yelled and trilled under the cloth, his legs jerking in their bonds as Sollux waterboarded him. He repeated his question, firm and unflinching as the seadweller gurgled.

It took an hour for Mercuo to stop choking and to begin crying instead, and Sollux pulled back when the desperation reached its peak. Mercuo coughed, head lolling back before he caught himself. “No. Fuck you. I’m not budging. Ask something else.”

Sollux grabbed Mercuo’s face, forcing eye contact. “I think you know I won’t budge either. I don’t care if you give me an answer now or after hours of me tearing your guts out through your nostrils.”

He raised the temperature again, and grabbed himself a sip of water after doing so. Mercuo watched him with hungry eyes, actively panting now. Sollux grabbed another towel, a dry one this time, scrubbing away the sweat and water on Mercuo’s face to rob him of the chance to cool himself down. He put the towel down, placing the heel of his hand over one of Mercuo’s eyes. “But if you’re still going to be stubborn, eyes are a pretty quick route to the pan.” Mercuo writhed. “No, Captor, wait-- I’m sorry, we’re sorry! We tried to wake you up, you weren’t moving, it was just like Ualona-- oh god, no no no no oh god Sollux please--”

The seadweller screamed as Sollux turned his psionics on him, burning his eye beyond repair. Blood and fluid bubbled up around Sollux’s hand and Mercuo’s screeching rose in pitch, body jerking as he tried to back away. He screamed himself hoarse for what seemed like hours as Sollux held him there with a single hand, the blood pooling down his face while his other eye glazed over from the pain.

Sollux pulled his hand away, wiping his hand clean on Mercuo’s face. Part of him ached as he saw Mercuo sobbing before him, hated himself and the situation he’d been forced into. That part of him grew quieter as he swiped a smear of violet blood from his cheek and flicked it onto the floor. “You have no right to call me by name.” He placed his hand on Mercuo’s other eye, ignoring the wail that resulted. “You were dead to me the moment you tried to escape.”

“You came up with the idea!”

Sollux glanced back at the camera at the other side of the room. “It never would’ve worked. When you two left without us I realized something.” He leaned in, his face an inch from Mercuo’s. He could smell the sweat and the panicked pheromones whirling around his head. “I’m better off here. They take trolls that are weak and turn them into something stronger. I don’t need to run for the rest of my life.”

“They broke you, Captor, and that’s the point.” Mercuo wheezed, flinching as Sollux pressed down on his eye. “They’ll break you so you can’t feel anything and what’s the point in calling yourself a troll anymore?”

Sollux snorted, and silently berated himself for betraying that emotional response. “They broke me down and built me up again and turned me into a weapon. I’m the one walking out of here alive today. If you give Trisia up, maybe she won’t suffer the same fate as you. I’ll give you one more chance before I take your other eye.”

Mercuo sniffled, starting to hiccup in terror. “Please, Sollux. Please.”

“You have two seconds.”

“I can’t I can’t, I’m so fucking pale for her, I can’t.” He spat then, purposeful and directly onto Sollux’s free hand.

That spelled the beginning of the end for Mercuo. Sollux blinded his other eye then, and after that Sollux tortured the seadweller for hours. They instructors had provided adrenaline, and Sollux forced Mercuo back from the brink more than a few times. He didn’t take a break, not even to grab a bite of the food that a wordless instructor brought in for him.

The process took a total of six hours. Six hours of hell, pushing this person-- who in another life, Sollux could have considered being actual friends with --to just shy of death. Every tool on that table ended up in use. Gills were dried with the blistering heat of the hair dryer. Mercuo’s wounded leg, torn free of its bandages, dunked into the vat of liquid nitrogen and then shattered off like glass. His fins, cut off and then cauterized with the blistering heat of Sollux’s psionics. The delicate filaments of his gills cut by a scalpel with precision, where the nerve bundles were greatest. Dry ice forced down his throat with no reprieve or water in sight. Every little bit of interrogation tricks he’d learned through the course shone through, applied meticulously to ensure that not only would Mercuo still be alive, but he would sorely regret that fact.

Clearly, it was all too much to bear. Mercuo sagged back against his chair, ruined eyes dripping blood onto the floor as his head lolled to the side, making him seem more of a corpse or a daywalker at best. “Kill me, please.” He took in a deep breath, coughing. “She entered in Alternian coords. Shhhekfk- gkgg- Found forums… They have a base down there. New heiress… she’s.. She’s coming. Feferi Peixes.”

Sollux’s ears flicked as he heard a soft beep, and looking to the camera he saw the light had gone green. Any residual guilt had leaked out of him at this point, and he felt nothing upon being given the implicit order to kill one of his dear friends.

No. Allowed. He was allowed the privilege of culling a traitor. 

Sollux put a hand to Mercuo’s chest, powering his psionics up to deadly levels and letting out a shock directly to the seadweller’s bloodpusher. Mercuo smiled right before he did so, croaking a ragged thanks before jerking once. Then he died, breath rattling and rasping to a stop.

Sollux felt nothing at all.

Sollux stepped out of the interrogation room, covered in violet blood and with his back straight. Rapard awaited him, arms folded behind him. He stopped Sollux dead in his tracks by smiling, honestly smiling, reaching out to grab Sollux by the shoulders.

“Nice work, recruit. You’re a natural.”

[taehyungsgrowl]

SFW Alphabet for Nate

I think I did it wrong last time bc I was waiting for people to send me letters when I was just supposed to go down the list. But I’m a dummy so disregard half of what I say.

i hope you guys like them and thank you virgo anon for the input w these 🥺i love our baby 🥺

Here we go:

A- Activity (What is their favorite activity to do with you.)

-- i think he likes doing new things w you. and i know that sounds cliche BUT hear me out. duncan is a bit of a home body 🥺loves to be curled up w reader sharing kissies and cuddling. nate enjoys that too but i think trying new adventures w you is his favorite. i can see him being the type to like hiking dates!! (also lets not forget the tik tok videos you guys make together )

B- Beginnings (How do they act in the beginning of a relationship)

-- considering the beginning did start off as something kinda casual between him and reader, he kept it as such. but he’s such a natural charmer that even when he’s not trying, he just comes across as super sweet. they’d finish hooking up and he’d offer her to stay over or get them food (not bc he felt like he needed to but it’s just the kinda guy he is) i think he probably let his goofy side out right at the beginning as well. its what helped y/n open up to him and feel at ease w him 🥺

C- Communication (Are they good communicators? How do they normally talk about their problems or solve issues)

-- big sigh. nate? was the KING of communication!! hell! he was able to talk to duncan (who ISNT the best at communicating) when they weren’t even friends and helped him talk to dumb!reader. plus he’d always been open about his feelings. told y/n right away when he knew he was in love. (i only say he WAS bc he should have told y/n he was struggling before he ended up in the hospital 🥺)

D- Drunk (What are they like when they’re drunk)

-- koala bear cuddly drunk!! not just between him and reader! but he will love on anyone! (omg.. you know dunc was a little 😳when drunk!bro!nate started hugging him... hiding his face in duncs neck... telling he smells good... telling him how much he loves him... bros 👯‍♂️)

E- Emergency (How are they in emergency situations? You get hurt, they get hurt, someone is dying etc..)

— oh god. nate is the type to keep cool and collected in an emergency - even if he were the one having an emergency 🥺 like if reader would’ve been w him during his car accident, she would have been worried sick over him and he’d just be like, “hey, look at me. i’m okay, yeah? a lot stronger than i look, babe.” even if it hurt like hell because he doesn’t wanna worry her. if you were in an emergency or got hurt, he’d go into sexy doctor mode. “tell me where it hurts.” squeezing your hand to reassure you, “i got you.” also kissies where it hurts 🥺 and he’s such a good listener too wow we have no choice but to simp.

F- Free Spot (I’ll give you any headcanon I come up with)

-- i’m just gonna share one head canon that virgo anon tossed at me that really made me 🥺 baby nate 🥺 and how when he was younger he was always a nice boy 🥺 but wasnt the popular or “hot” one until he grew into himself in college 🥺 when he got maxie and it helped him manage his stress enough to be able to make connections 🥺y’all when she said that it made me heart 🥺 my sweet boy

G- Gifts (What kind of gifts do they give? What kind of gifts do they get?)

-- i think his gifts are rarely “over the top” but !! they’re simple and personalized!!! like a lil necklace w his initials / name 🥺or maybe he has someone make a picture of you two into an animation? like have someone draw you guys (do u know what im talking about?) as far as gifts for him, he enjoys like “interactive gifts” like sending him on a lil scavenger hunt (nate loves setting them up for you too 🥺) but if you set one up for HIM? god! he’d love you!

H- Hugs (How do they show affection/cuddle)

-- nate loves! loves! to give forehead kissies (not just because he’s tall fjhsjh) and being hugged (or picked up) in his strong arms!! loves it!! he loves being the big spoon 🥺i love him. 

I- Irritation (What is something that irritates them? How do they show their irritation?)

-- that reader continues to choose duncan over him fkjsvsfkv he wears his heart on his sleeve so i think when nate is upset or irritated... you know. 

J- Jackpot (How would they spend their winnings if they won the lottery?)

-- does nate have more $ than the shepherds? debatable. but he isn’t as... flashy w his money as duncan is. he’s a little more down to earth if that makes sense. BUT thats besides the point. he’d probably donate a lot to a charity of his choice than take you on a little get away. maybe a cross country road trip 🥺 or off to an island getaway. he’s flexible. 

K- Kryptonite (What is their ultimate weakness?)

-- virgo anon made me 🥺when we were talking about this bc nate would do anything for the people he loves and 🥺that gets him hurt. especially when he feels like those people dont love him in the way he does them 🥺

L- Laughter (What makes them laugh?)

-- clown!! nate is the guy that always keeps you laughing ����and most times he cant even contain his own laughter omg i will cry im in love with one man

M- Morning ( How do they wake up in the morning? Are they a morning person or a morning grouch?)

-- he’s a morning person 🥺 likes to start off his morning with a run and protein shake SMH fitness KING. 

N- Needy (When do they feel particularly needy? How do they show it?)

-- he’s so used to being the one who’s needed 🥺 it takes him a while to be comfy being vulnerable and needy. idk if there’s anything in particular that sets him off to be like this - but i’d like to think it happens at random. like youre on the couch and he just nuzzles his face on your tummy for you to pet his hair. he demonstrates it by wanting to be close to you 🥺

O- Oasis (Where is their happy place? Where would they go if they didn’t have anything holding them back?)

-- i think he’d be the kinda guy that enjoys the sun (not just bc he looks hot, shirtless on a beach) but yes. somewhere nice and sunny where he could have maxie w him 🥺if he could stay on the beach where he started falling for dumb!reader (with her) for ever he would 🥺

P- Pain (How do they handle pain? How do they handle when you are in pain?)

-- emotional or physical? jfgksjdgsdk but no i think if he’s well regulated, he can handle pain well - it’s when he’s not that it’s a problem (w emotional pain) he stops taking care of himself the way he should and really spirals into his head a lot you know 🥺i think he can handle others being in pain better than himself bc he loves a lot and its easier to focus his attention on trying to fix things for them (like we said his biggest weakness is doing too much for those he loves)

Q- Quote (What’s a quote that fits them and your relationship)

-- “loving is easy” fjskfsf not to be too corny but 🥺being w nate was easy... always on the same page.. and made her feel good. 🥺

R- Reunion (How do they celebrate seeing you after a long time of being apart)

-- lots!!! of kissies!! picking you up!! holding you close!!! physical touch is pretty high on his love language list i think 🥺(i think quality time or acts of service might be his top two though) 

S- Stress (What stresses them out? How do deal with stress and how do they relieve it?)

-- i generally think duncan is more of a control freak than nate, but i do think to some extent, they’re similar that when things feel out of their control, it really stresses them out. i think it manifests at different times. i think for duncan its more trivial things whereas w nate, if he feels like he could be doing something to “fix” something and he cant do anything it freaks him out. hes a healer, you know. i think working out is a big stress reliever for him 🥺my strong baby!! that and goofing off w reader 🥺

T- Terror (What are they afraid of?)

-- this kinda ties into his weakness (and could be amplified by his younger years) but he’s afraid of not really being enough for those he loves. especially if he was teased as a kid 🥺maybe thats why in a lot of his nightmares the theme of abandonment appears a lot 🥺i made myself SAD 🥺

U- Unique (What is a quirk that is unique to them?)

-- i asked virgo anon for help on this one 🥺and i love her so much 🥺 nate tugs on his hair when he’s nervous 🥺 he gets a lil annoyed after he buzzes it off and doesnt have much to pull on 🥺he likes to hold hands when spooning. loves to sing along to disney movies (but lets be honest, he’s the real prince KING)

V- Violence (Do they fight a lot? Are they a good fighter? What is their fighting style?)

-- well... idk if it’s fair to say he fights a lot because he tries not to resort to that - especially grad school nate. mostly because he knows he’s good at fighting. omfg... boxer!nate.... may have all my rights. and he doesn’t really wanna hurt anyone. BUT if needed!!! he will throw down. (ex. when dunc wouldnt let y/n leave the house. and then attacked him!! nate had to stand his ground 😌

W- Wow (What do you do that really surprises them? What do you do that they really like?)

-- idk i think nate was probably really surprised when reader gave him that second chance at friendship in the bathroom 🥺didnt think she would. on a lighter note, surprising him w fresh cooked meals always make him 🥺because... he’s trying but hasnt mastered the cooking thing yet.

X- (Explicit headcanon. For all you degenerates)

-- he’s uhh packing 😳and it hits all the right spots, you know 😳omfg and lets not forget the dickscussion we had about his head game being stronger than duncans 😌

Y- Yucky (Is there something that grosses them out so badly that they can’t deal with it?)

-- i wasnt sure what really grossed out medical professionals (if anything djsfs) but we kinda head canon for him to be into family / pediatric medicine so anything w LOTS of blood loss probably freaks him out 

Z- ZZZ’s (What are their sleeping habits? Both with and without you)

-- my baby. nate has really bad night terrors especially on bad(tm) days. it usually helps to have someone w him to be able to keep him calm when he wakes up 🥺if its not y/n you can bet maxie will be there for tons of kissies. he’s a sleep talker 🥺and when sleeping w you he loves being big spoon 🥺and when he’s alone, he kinda sleeps curled up and w a lot of pillows. comfort KING