#this is the life we chose
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Incoherent midnight babbling time but god Sanctuary by Welshy Arms, already a very Buck coded song even before they used it for the truck bombing, hits so different now he is canonical queer fuck
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the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.
three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.
two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.
their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.
one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.
i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.
i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.
and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?
you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.
a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.
someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.
#writeblr#warm up#this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru#but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist#ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school.#like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it.#was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes.#but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create''#when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work#part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just#like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent.#speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r#ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week#this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice.#''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism#imagine if we said that about literally any other profession.#''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt?#u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky''#we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY#''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''
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mourning black and the death of ideals
#i haven't moved on from this yet. btw. i'm still here#finally decided to draw the thought i've been ruminating over for days on end bc it's like a parasite eating away my brain#stated this on the initial post i made days ago but there's just smt so gut wrenching and sickening#about how dazai will have worn black exactly twice in his life: once as a member of the mafia and now at kunikida's funeral#a color that initially signified devotion to the mafia and his demon prodigy alias now signifies his grief#him having to wear black again at the funeral of another doomed fatalist who chose his heart over his survival. his own partner.#kunikida's death being so reminiscent of the tragedy that initially caused him to defect and flee#and everything tying together full circle and effectively breaking him#asagiri rly said fuck knkdz it's doppover we lost gang 😭😭😭#why did bro leave that fucking notebook behind#fool. do you know that angst potential you have left me to work with?#love never won in bsd. it lay dead and festering#i don't know how much longer i can keep saying i miss them. i'm going to kill myself if he doesn't come back#i've never wanted something to be death bait so desperately#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#kunikidazai#knkdz#kunizai#(??? technically. its implied anyway)#lotus draws
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Not all who wander are lost. Some who wander, however, are extremely, extremely lost.
#note: this is a kitchen in a house of change. they are still on the road w the party#not to say i think that maybe chillin out in one location with some loved ones and planned visits from their friends would fix siffrin#but i am saying that they do seem to hoard random items at every given oppertunity. which is an interesting habit#isat#isat fanart#in stars and time#in stars and time fanart#isat spoilers#sifloop#isat siffrin#isat loop#sloops#lucabyteart#but yeah no i dont actually know that siffrin would wwwant to be . travelling literally forever. given the. well. um#that one QnA answer especially. the immediate deflective joking when asked how long they'd been a traveller. mm.#it's not like they chose this life is the thing. and we know they have a habit of forcing themselves to 'stick to the script'#i really do think they'd be better for some stability. its not like you cant have a house and also go on fun travel holidays also#(if you want my real opinion. why not just move to bambouche to help raise bonnie. but. that's fanfic territory at that point)
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imagine a world where the heroes of olympus series was one big crossover. a world where we meet an eleven year old boy named jason, no last name because it reminds him of his mother — a drunk who literally threw him to the wolves as a toddler. jason, who's earliest memory is chewing on a stapler and his older sister tending to the wound on his bottom lip — but he hasn't seen or heard from her since they were separated years ago. jason, who grew up reaching for the sky like a purpose, desperate for a chance to prove himself. jason, who fought to save the world at fifteen years old. and jason, who finds himself in the grand canyon four months later with no memory of who he is or where he came from, feet away from some frantic sixteen year old girl in search of some dude named percy jackson. imagine what this could have been.
#one of the most frequent critiques i see about the lost hero is how the audience was introduced to character who's history was unknown#and i understand respect the approach rick chose#i mean#introducing the audience to a character they intially disregarded in search of a hero who couldn't be more different and respected and love#tricking the audience into treating him the way everyone else in his life must have (not that he remembers)#and for the audience to realize the severity of their ignorance in the wake his death#is such an amazing and heartbreaking payoff and i genuinely respect#but i think it would have been fun to grow with jason the same way we did percy#have a jason-centered seties based around roman mythology#running the same release time and story progression of percy jackson and the olympians#and then opening the lost hero for the first confused at why jason is without his friends from camp#then seeing annabeth's name and freaking out bc this will be the most epic crossover#percy jackon and the olympians#pjo text post#pjo#pjo headcanon#hoo text posts#hoo#hoo headcanon#chb campers#cj residents
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I want it back / I drag its dead weight forward.
#Better drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#digital art#This was a style experimentation doodle that took on a life of its own.#In a way it is a great example of 'beautiful failure'. The original goal was to try a pure black and white contrast piece.#Which I very much failed at doing. Not quite ready for that! However what this turned into is something I like a lot!#Different but in a way that really pushed me as an artist. A little less simple; a little more proportional.#I was also recently thinking about LWJ's grieving that we only catch glimpses of.#LWJ grieved his first love for 13 years. His love that was never reciprocated.#He chose to dedicate his heart to that mourning and most painfully of all - he did so knowing there was no end to that grief.#Wei Wuxian comes back to life in MDZS but that is an exception. Not the expectation.#He was dead. Not missing. Not 'maybe in hiding'. He was dead and his spirit unreachable.#Jiang Cheng went forwards with denial but LWJ takes that grief on. He copes by continuing to carry the weight with him.#Let me be clear. Neither are healthy approaches. It is a way to cope but it does not mean that is healing or healthy.#Grief is loved transformed but it is also about endurance and letting go. Grief can change you. You can also change your grief.#It isn't a good or evil thing to experience. It is just an experience.
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no, girl im fine— I’m just crying over the gospel again
#GOD CHOSE TO SEND HIS SON TO SAVE AN UNWORTHY PEOPLE#JESUS CHRIST — GOD THE SON — CAME DOWN AND LIVED AMONGST AN EVIL HUMANITY#HE LIVED THE LIFE WE CAN’T#HE DIED THE DEATH WE DESERVE#HE BECAME OUR SIN FOR US#HE BORE THE WRATH THAT IS OURS#HE IS ALIVE#GOD THE FATHER LOVES US WITH THE SAME LOVE HE LOVES THE SON#JESUS SENT GOD THE HOLY SPIRIT TO INDWELL AND BE WITH US#WHEN HE COMES BACK GOD WILL LOOK AT ME AND MY EVIL THAT PUT JESUS ON THE CROSS#AND HE WILL SEE CHRIST’S OBEDIENCE#HE WILL SEE HIS SON’S RIGHTOUSNESS#THERE IS NOTHING ON EARTH OR IN HEAVEN THAT CAN CHANGE THAT#GOD SWORE BY HIS OWN NAME THAT HE WOULD SAVE A PEOPLE THAT HE DETERMINED BEFORE THE FOUNDATION OF THE WOLRD#NONE THAT THE FATHER GAVE TO CHRIST WILL HE LOSE#WE WILL DWELL WITH CHRIST FOR ETERNITY BECAUSE HE CHOSE US AND BOUGHT US AND CLOTHED US IN HIS RIGHTOUSNESS WHILE WE WERE STILL GOD HATERS#SOLI DEO GLORIA#gospel#reformed theology#theology#g.txt
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"I chose this life and would do it all over again if I could". (Theodora for @acuar-io's Outlaw OC Challenge)
#ts4#the sims 4#sims 4#sims 4 screenshots#show us your sims#ts4 simblr#the sims community#simblr#sim: Theodora#there's a story there somewhere!!#if it wasn't obvious it's also her in the upper three shots but she chose that ~ outlaw~ life and now here we are#SimblrOutlaws#*mine
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please sir can i have a housewife character whose problems are unrelated to housewifery
#like can we get a housewife character whose husband ISN'T cheating on her?#can we get a housewife character who DOESN'T bitterly regret giving up her career?#can we get a housewife character who HASN'T got an alcohol/sedative addiction?#can we get a housewife character whose children DON'T disrespect her 24/7?#idk it's just this weird desire I have to see a housewife whose biggest problem is that her next-door neighbor is a cult leader#or her uncle left her a haunted artifact after he died under mysterious circumstances#or she inadvertently runs an underground resistance operation out of her living room book club#something other than that she hates and is hated back by the life she chose#ya know?#x
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I'll never get over the way Rody's face lights up as he listens to Deku talk about his struggles and how he got where he was. I wonder if Rody had subconsciously put Deku on a pedestal of "being better than him" because he's a hero and in his mind he's just some villain he can look down on. But once Deku explains how he became the person he was, he realized that that just wasn't the case, and that he's struggled just as Rody is now. Sure, maybe not in the same level as Rody, but I'm sure it made Deku feel like much less of a concept and more of a person to Rody. And upon realizing this, he opens up.
(the way his eyes light up I'm sobbing-)
#rody's relationship with deku- romantic or not- is super fun to explore#i mean deku literally changed the trajectory of rody's life and his view of the world as well as his mindset#of course we still have to get rody credit because in the end he was the one who chose to make that change#deku sort of just gave him the push he needed#mha#my hero academia#rody soul#bnha#rody#rodydeku#deku#izuku midoriya
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I wonder how many of Tommy haters ever experienced racism. My guess is a very small part of them because let me tell you one thing: you don't spend after work time with your racist coworker on your own. EVER. You don't share stories and jokes with them. EVER. You know the mental cost of spending time with a racist when you're a poc? No you don't. And you think Hen and Chim would choose to spend their free time with a racist instead of anyone else? Instead of going home? No one forced them, and there's no one else. They decided to have drinks together because Tommy changed and they want to support change.
You can call out his past behavior, absolutely, and I did it myself because it needs to be done. You know what needs to be done too? Acknowledge positive change. It's crucial to see and support change. Change is what makes the world better, little by little. But you wouldn't know if you're not a poc, right? How does it feel to be a white knight trying to get some "good ally" points from the poc you use for you hate campaign? All that for a fucking ship? Is it worth it? Do you have your ship canon now?
But please, educate me on racism and how Hen and Chim acted in S2, apparently forced (by who?) to spend their free time with Tommy.
#bucktommy#tommy kinard#i chose violence on this sunday morning#i'm tired of seeing the same shitty takes from bobs#most of them enjoy their daily privileges and then come shit on us like that?#and sure there are poc who don't like tommy#i hope they see how change is the key#if you deny people the ability to change#we ALL lose#accountability and change can and have to coexist#and i know it's a fucking game for so many of bobs and buddies#they spend their time trying to find new reasons to hate tommy and BT for a fucking ship#it's not even that deep and it makes it worse#because they use real life issues and turn them into fandom bullshit
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Lets play a game. Truth or Scared.
#station 19#station19edit#carina x maya#carina deluca#maya bishop#mine#they really had all of their fears come true to some degree 🙃#i just wish they had more time and chose to focus more on some of these#instead of just wordless montages/lack of convos#but really hoping the pay off is as good as the cliffhanger was for this past episode#we need to see carina freaking out over maya in danger and the pregnancy conversation#bonus if carina actually has to try and save maya's life herself if she later on collapses or something#and both of them just so relieved to be back in each others arms after being so worried the whole time...give me all of it!
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FAMINE: That's one deep, dark nothing you've got there, Dean.
[youtube with closed captions]
dean and his father. dean and his family. dean and how bad it is.
(via @closetoyou1970)
#spn#vid#mind the warnings on this one for real#woe! fruit of my rewatch be upon ye.#pallas calls this my 'deangirl coming out vid' which honestly. true. but those who paid attention know i've always been a deangirl.#also. after this no more deanwinchester rilo kiley amvs I Pwomise#anyway. i'm not gonna give a full commentary here but a big reason why i chose this song is that the narrator#is essentially dismissing her own problems and instead watching the problems of someone else#and i kind of wanted to play with that theme. this is the parallels show so let's do some parallels. lots of things happen to characters#that are Like Dean somehow. either in personality or circumstance. that we know or can infer happen to him. but we don't see it bc it's#not sayable. not speakable. so like for an easy one. we see meg being tortured in caged heat. she also talks about apprenticing under#alastair just like dean. so i show her being tortured [in a way that is sexualized and demon-specific] and reacting how she does#because i invite the audience to imagine or interpret that this has also happened to dean at some point. we just don't see it#so there are many dean parallels in this video. some obvious. some subtle but textual. some products of my twisted mind. but that's the way#i am using them to make my argument.#oh also: dean voice sam's eyes going black is JUST like when he used to fight with dad and wouldn't listen to me when i told him not to.#i guess also the point is that because it's unsayable. dean can't say it. dean can't even acknowledge it. and so it bleeds through#into everything in his life#that's why it's important that the song narrator doesn't take her own problems seriously. dean doesn't either.
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while on the topic of iron posting. a very small very insignificant thing that i really enjoy is that nobody really harasses it for not speaking. and like. we don't know precisely why it doesn't speak. it could be because it's mute, it could be due to an unseen injury, it could just be a selective choice, it could be that it never bothered to learn human language to begin with, etc etc. but there's never been a scene (at least as far as i can recall) where mr iron is specifically called out or pressured or anything of the sort. not even by its own haters 4 haters coworkers. and yeah this is realistically probably because its an ESPECIALLY deadly space bat that could kill you six ways from sunday if you pissed it off, but also, y'know, sometimes it's really nice just having a mute character that's treated Normally for once
#mr iron doesnt talk and that's just. A Fact Nobody Questions. it's just what it does.#nobody's like ugh stop using that stupid blackboard. they're just reading and responding bc that's just its method of conversation#and again! we don't actually know why it does that! for all we know its always been mute. or it chose that for a very specific reason#but. yknow. idk. in an incredibly weird halfway backwards sorta way. it's just really nice to have it treated as nbd#idk maybe this post is incoherent and im just going insane bc today is. A Trainwreck lmao#yin-thoughts#fallen london#a lot of nonspeaking characters (and real life people) usually get overlooked or dehumanized on some level#bc they (supposedly) cant communicate for themselves (at least on a level people understand)#idk. it's like. suddenly if u cant verbally express urself ur just not on the same level as people#i like that iron is different. i like how nobody really complains or draws that much attention to it.#and yes. this is almost definitely just because it's a giant evil space bat in a position of Significant Power#that can and Will kill you in an instant#but. it's still nice nonetheless.
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Movie date and got proposed to today 💕
#we watched one of those historical films#azul chose it this time because i wanted to learn more about what life looks like in his home#so he chose a biopic of the sea witch#i also told azul about these huge candy rings from back home#and he went through all the trouble of actually trying to find one for me#and jokingly proposed??#ugh i love my boyfriend#yuu posts#rp blog#twisted wonderland#yuu fujisaki#twst#twst oc#azul ashengrotto#azul-kun
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Wh.. What if we... .....kissed 👉👈 jk haha....... Unless 🤨🤨🤨
#idk why he chose to sit on the bag of hay we have but ok ig#cats#animals#cat life#petblr#catblr#cat lovers#cat#my cat#cat photos#adorable#cute#cute cats#calico#calico cat#grey cat#gray cat#aww#awwpics#adorable cats#cat kisses#kitty kisses#queue
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