#this is such a dramatic batman shit

[littlefankingdom]

~ Red Hood and the Outlaws (2016)

You cannot escape being the son of Batman when you claim your best friend was a literal gargoyle.

[weepingwillows-sweethibiscustea]

I’m currently thinking about an AU where the Justice League confuse Danny for Jason.

Like, they know Batman’s second Robin met an unfortunate end, & now his newest partner is the ghost of an upbeat, scrawny, teenage boy.

Excuse them, for thinking the ghost being Batman’s dead son was more believable then Batman somehow having picked up not just another stray, but a dead one. How did he even do that?

Bonus points if Jason is very much so resurrected already, but none of the bats told the justice league because apparently Gotham’s newest crime lord, who’s 6’ whatever & built like a brick shithouse, isn’t obviously the same malnourished little kid that used to say “Robin gives me magic!” & literally died. Who knew?

[clockwayswrites]

Et Tu?

“Et tu, Brute?” Tim gasped, hand splayed over his chest as he swayed in his seat— perilously close to falling off it.

Duke just snorted. “I am so not Brutus here. No way. I am no where near stabby enough to be the Brutus of this family.”

Tim motioned, like the dramatic little bitch he was, at the stack of Draw 4s on the center pile.

“Man, I was not going to draw that! That’s like, twenty—”

“Twenty-four,” Cass corrected.

“—twenty-four cards. Not my fault you don’t have none.” Duke finished, crossing his arms.

“I had one,” Tim groused. “I just didn’t have two! But no. You, Brutus—”

“Still not the Brutus.” Duke said and rolled his yes. “Damian is a hundred percent the Brutus of the family.”

All of the siblings stopped to consider that, looking at Damian who just scowled back at them from behind his very large hand of Uno cards. It was oddly intimidating, or maybe that’s just how Duke felt. Dick looked close to cooing.

“…Damian did start the Draw 4 war too,” Dick pointed out after a beat.

“Et tu, Brute?” Tim gasped, playing his performance out again but this time directed at Damian.

“Tt. It was a strategic move; you have too few cards. Besides, it is only just for you being so certain you might win.” Damian said. Which was a bratty way to say it, sure, but Duke had to admit the little demon dude was right.

“Ah,” Jason started to grin that made Duke want to scoot his chair back. What he didn’t expect, as Jason folded his cards, was for the other to lean into his Crime Alley accent heavily as he adopted an obviously theatrical air. He motioned from Damian to Tim to the cards. “The noble Brutus hath told you Caesar was ambitious: If it were so, it was a grievous fault, and grievously hath Caesar answer’d it.”

“Oh no,” Dick said, softly horrified.

Jason leaned forward over the table as he moved to stand. “Here, under leave of Brutus and the rest— for Brutus is an honourable man.”

“You got him started on Shakespeare.”

“So are they all, all honourable men—” Jason swept his hand, motioning at all of them and then placed a closed fist on his chest. “Come I to speak in Caesar’s funeral.���

“What did you do, Tim?”

Tim, for his part, looked honestly distressed as Jason flung an arm over his shoulder and pulled him close.

“He was my friend, faithful and just to me!” Jason lamented, looking for the world as if he had just been crying.

Duke was admittedly impressed by the act.

Tim whispered, under Jason’s next line, “I’m so, so sorry.”

[cyanide-sippy-cup]

WFA opinions? Love Barbara standing up to Bruce

Ough. Bruce defenders fighting for our lives with this one.

I really like the beginning. We don't usually get nice caring moments between Bruce and Babs (specially not mundane peaceful ones), so I wish that the opening was just a little longer to give us more of that before the fight. I like how Barbara points out that he's treating her like a Robin even though she's basically her own hero who just works with Batman.

I think they're trying to ride a line this season between comic Bruce and the slice of life dad Bruce they set up over the last two seasons and this episode is a particular stumble imo. Blaming Babs for Dick's injuries just doesn't feel super in-character with this version, even if I see what they're going for. They do let him have good talking points, some of which really do sound like they're being said by Bruce Wayne.

Not sure how I feel about Bruce trying to shut down the clocktower. That's something he usually relies on pretty heavily, and shutting it down would only put Babs and his family in more danger. And like I said, she's basically a separate superhero and he's making claim over her stuff. Like how is he gonna force her to leave. They gonna fight? Is he gonna blow it up? Idk. Unfortunately, it does feel like something mainline Bruce would do, and I'm not sure how I feel about that.

This was a very good Barbara episode, but Bruce's character struggled a lot here. She feels right at home in both her normal and WFA characterization while Bruce feels split between the two in a way that just kinda leaves me feeling weird about this one.

[th3-c0ll3ct3r]

My Tumblr followers. If and when you see this. Just don't look at twitter man

This year is cooked

Sorry for the vent but omg this year man THIS YEAR UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (read tags for context)

[simonsaysletsgo]

Comics fandom whenever something weird or off or unsatisying happens and bad things happen to their faves: Ugh so glad I didn't touch this, going to pretend it never happened

Me; Yes this I can work with this.

[daredevil-vagabond]

Jason Todd & Red Hood

+ Alts

[givemewallywestorgivemedeath]

Wally didn't even stick around for the group pose

[navree]

wayne family adventures going "we're gonna make an entire season about the joker and center literally everyone EXCEPT barbara and jason beyond the bare minimum" is certainly a choice and lemme just say, it is Not a fucking good one

[solar--spectrum]

[martyrbat]

batman: shadow of the bat #65

[ID: Batman maintaining a lonely vigil out in the rain as he's deep in thought. He's outside the Iceberg Lounge as the Penguin hosts a private birthday party. The narration reads, “The guest list at his casino is a who's who of Gotham crime bosses and their cohorts, mingling with the genuine socialites. But the rats have crawled from their holes only to be on their best behavior. No crime will be committed here—not least because of the TV cameras and reporters present.” Inside, two men notice through the rain-streaked window that Batman is outside brooding. They hastily shut the curtains as the narration continues, “Still, he likes them to know he's always watching.” END ID]

[hawkzeyes]

🙄 she was out with friends Bruce, stop being such a buzzkill

Batman/Huntress: Cry For Blood #4 (2000)

[enobariasteeth]

okay watching The Batman for the first time. I’m 5 minutes in and Bruce Wayne is so fucking dramatic I love it

[sanguine-salvation]

how would you be defeated as a villain?

massive explosion

you go down magnificently. dramatic, like you always were. you're fighting the hero, and while you are defeated, you bring them down with you (and everyone and everything else within a mile radius).

tagged by || @lethal--laughter (thank you!!!) tagging || anyone who wants to, you're tagged! tag me back so I can see!

[deadsetobsessions]

Sea Cryptic! Danny AU- Pt. 7

[Pt.1] [Pt.2] [Pt.3] [Pt.4] [Pt.5] [Pt.6] [Pt.8] [Pt.9] [Pt.10]

“I’m having a child.”

Danny stared at Batman.

“…Uh, congrats?”

Batman whips out a stack of paper and a pen. “It’s you. Sign here and initial the highlighted spots.”

Danny instinctively, from years of dealing with Vlad, whacked the stack right out of Batman’s hands and into the bay. He doesn’t even feel bad about littering this time because, “Begone, fruitloop!”

Wait, no, that’s not what he meant.

“I mean- I have parents!”

“Not for long.” Batman muttered and then did a double take. “You have parents? How?”

Danny gasped, placing a hand on his chest to clutch his metaphorical pearls. He ignored Batman’s mutters. Everyone knows the vigilante has an adoption problem. At least, everyone who lived in Gotham did, as everyone who didn’t was somehow convinced that he “worked alone” or some bullshit like that. “Are you naturally this insensitive or were you dropped on your head as a baby? Obviously I had to come from somewhere.”

“They’re still… alive?”

“And kicking,” Danny said, inching away from yet another rich weird guy trying to adopt him. “Mostly the kicking part, though.” He said, remembering the sparring sessions. His mom could kick his as six ways to Sunday with nothing but jiu-jitsu and still have time to work in the lab.

“I see.”

“I’m charging you extra for the emotional upheaval. I have trauma regarding rich people trying to adopt me.”

Batman sullenly handed over a thousand.

“Sweet. There’s a group of shades down here asking if you could find their murderer. Apparently the serial killer is still at large.” Danny pointed.

“Of course. Tell me everything.”

The adoption papers disappeared as Batman went into detective mode.

Danny shoved the cash into his glowing chest and breathed a sigh of relief. He needed to make rent this month so it was a windfall running into Batman.

——

“Hey, Tim?”

Tim woke up from his Power Nap. “Huh?”

“Phantom’s complaining that Batman kept trying to adopt him.”

Tim blinked. “Uh.. what does that have to do with me?”

Danny stared at him, a patiently amused smile on his face. “Just in case the rumor about the Wayne’s sugar-daddy-into the Bats was a thing. Other than that, we might have to confront Batman to get him off of Phantom’s back. ”

“You… want to confront Batman.”

“Hey, man, Phantom’s a friend and it’s ride or die.” Danny snickered. It was literally die, with his Phantom side of things. He held two fists up, and wound them, like Popeye right after eating spinach or something. “And if Batman bothers Phantom, we ride at dawn.”

“Batman doesn’t come out unless it’s dark, though? Or for the Justice League.” Tim grinned. He mentally classified Danny under his “to go to” list. That’s where Bart, Bernard, Cassie, Kon, and Garfield were. If he starts shit, he could count on them to have his back and cause even more shit. Danny, wanting to fistfight Bruce over the man making Phantom uncomfortable? He absolutely is making that list.

“Then we ride at, like, dusk. Or uh, like 10PM. I gotta get my beauty sleep.”

“You’ll definitely need it,” Tim inconspicuously texted the group chat, which quickly blew up.

“Shut up,” Danny playfully shoved Tim. “Wait, can Batman even legally adopt? Isn’t being a vigilante illegal? And how can he adopt someone dead?”

Tim dramatically flailed and splayed over Danny’s carpeted living room. “Dunno about his identity,” he lied to Danny, like a liar. “But Gotham has a bunch of laws for the undead/restored to life people so there’s probably enough gray space there.”

Danny spluttered. “You guys have undead friendly laws?”

“Yeah, geht do you think Grundy just chills out? Plus, we have like a minor resurrection event every few years. It usually doesn’t stick but sometimes it does. Bruce pushed for those laws when Jason came back to life, except he doesn’t actually want people to know he’s like, alive.”

“Jason died?” Danny blinked. Well, that would explain the vibes. “Huh. So what’s up with his rank vibes then?”

“Rank vibes?” Tim pressed record on his phone.

Danny nodded. “Yeah, you know how Phantom’s got like a really chill green vibe?” Inwardly, Danny snickered at his pun. Chill. Yeah, he meant that very literally. “Jason’s got kind of a rank green vibe. He’s kind of stinky? Definitely never introduce him to Phantom.” Danny’s senses got worse in his ghost form.

“Jason regularly showers, though?!”

“Not smell! Like, a spiritual smell?”

“You can smell souls?!” Tim sat up. “Bro, you’re a meta?!”

“Uh.” Danny hesitated. “Yeah. I can smell souls. It’s a thing. Everyone from my town can do it.”

“What?!” Tim paused. “Wait, can Phantom smell souls?”

“Yeah. We’re, uh, from the same town.”

“Danny, what the fuck?”

“Hey, don’t look at me like that, you’re the one with a soul-sick brother! Not to mention, you’re kinda stinky too!”

“Hey!”

“Soul-stinky nerd man!”

——

“I stink?!” Jason spluttered out, extremely offended.

“The Lazarus pits. He’s most likely smelling traces of Lazarus pit on you, you imbecile.”

“We need to speak to Phantom. This instant.”

“I dunno, B. Danny sounded like he was gonna break your face if you bothered Phantom anymore.” Dick snickered.

“Yeah,” Tim chimed in, from his seat in front of the Bat-computer. “He was pretty serious.”

“Are we just gonna glaze over the fact that they’re from the same town?!” Stephanie exclaimed, practicing her moves on a training dummy.

“How does that even work? What does that mean? I thought Phantom was an immortal?” Duke asked.

“We also can’t rule out time-travel.” Barbara slammed her baton into a training dummy, twisting her wheelchair in an agile maneuver that left the dummy on the floor.

“No bothering Phantom.” Cass proclaimed.

“That’s quite right. You all have a warm dinner sitting above your cave and should it remain uneaten, I assure you that sherbet Sunday and crêpe Tuesday shall be canceled.” Alfred stepped in. The Bats, threatened, scrambled to ditch their gear and go upstairs.

[allthegothihopgirls]

"justice league doesn't know batman has kids" and by some freak incident, they end up meeting them all at once, after never having one single sneaking suspicion of batman being a family guy.

you've got every batkid + justice league member in the same room, and bruce tries for a total of 6 seconds to diffuse the situation before giving up.

there's bats left right and centre making completely false claims about how their family came to be, just to stir shit. also purposely trying to ruin batman's 'stoic and mean' reputation as best as they can.

jason and steph are telling everyone that they're all bio kids, and bruce does try and correct that one (some of those kids don't even belong to him in a non-bio way!!) but not before tim pipes up and goes 'well actually it depends what you count as biological, he grew me in a lab'.

dick's taking full advantage of the JL's perception of batman being oh so impressionable in the moment, and is telling stories of his childhood + batman raising his younger siblings, making him out to be the softest guy to ever exist (completely on purpose). cass is nodding along next to him, and making sure whenever she adds a comment that she uses the word 'dad' instead of batman just for the extra domestic flare.

babs and jason are explaining how they all consider themselves bats, in a way that would make anyone believe that they're in a cult. bruce is standing amidst it all, an immovable object, with dick's arm on his shoulder, and damian huddled into his side (ALL for dramatic flare. they need the JL to know that he's. just a guy with kids).