#sap thoughts

[weepingwillows-sweethibiscustea]

It is soo fucked up that managing OCD means ignoring your compulsions… what do you MEAN to make the gross feeling go away I have to STOP washing my hands?

[weepingwillows-sweethibiscustea]

A couple years ago, when I was still in an abusive situation, I started watching this one YouTuber who made a lot of those type of self-praising jokes. Being the personality sponge that I am, I started making those jokes too.

Unfortunately, this backfired pretty badly for me. Me saying that maybe I wasn’t the worst person ever, even as a joke, was just so absurd to my “friends” they had to make (pretty hurtful) comments about it (all under the guise of a joke, of course).

I almost immediately stopped making the jokes. It hurt less when I was just self-deprecating from the get-go.

I’d like to add this addition because it’s something I really wished I realized at the time, but if people in your life are responding like the people in mine did/you feel you might be in a similar situation, then I strongly recommend either having a conversation with them about the way they’re treating you, & if it comes down to it, just drop them.

What starts off as harmless jokes, or maybe even “jokes”, can really wear at you without you ever realizing if they’re constant, pointed, &/or theres no moments in between where they prove in some way they’re just jokes (by which I mean, things like just complimenting your outfit, or saying they’re happy you’re their friend, etc)

it's been said before and i'm sure said better than i can phrase it. but really, really - if you like making "i'm going to kill myself" jokes, please try switching to being ironically conceited instead.

anytime something goes wrong, say things like "ah well at least i'm beautiful and charming and everyone loves me." when you forget something, try "my big huge brain is so smart and thinking about too many other very big wizardly thoughts you wouldn't even understand." when you're frustrated by one of your symptoms, start talking like you're in My Immortal. "Life has come for me but my eyes are beautiful pools of gorgeous fire and my hair is amazing. I stuck my middle finger up at life and told it to fuck off and it did."

just... try it for a month or two. try saying the most absurdly self-congratulatory shit you can think of.

i know it's tempting to make suicide or self-harm jokes. and for me at least, a decade ago (!) when someone suggested i stop making those kinds of jokes, i was kind of at a loss for what to replace them with. i wanted to make light of these moments, but genuinely (at the time) my first thought really was suicidal ideation. there was a part of me that even felt like ... i was kind of "making light" of that voice. that if i could say i want to die lol, it would help take the sting out of that genuine (albeit passive) desire. like i could turn my illness into a joke.

when i started complimenting myself instead, it felt awkward and stupid. it felt really, really ironic. what i was actually saying was nobody would ever think this stuff about me, that's what makes it so fucking funny.

but. the effect was immediate. first thing i noticed was the people around me. when i dropped a glass and said ah my skin is too beautiful and sleek the glass has swooned and broken for me, other people were suddenly overjoyed to jump in with the joke. rather than making an awkward moment, we'd both start cracking up. ah princess sleek hands, i've heard of you.

i was 19. i hadn't noticed i'd been making others tense when i said i want it all to end. i know now that it's incredibly hard to know how to walk that moment - do you talk to them about your concern? do you potentially make them uncomfortable by asking if they're okay? do you ignore the situation? do you help them pick up the glass, or do they need to do it by themselves? are they genuinely made suicidal over this small moment? and most importantly, how do you - without professional training or supplies - actually help?

most people want to help you pick up the glass in your life, they just have no fucking idea how to do it. they don't want to make anything worse. they don't want to make assumptions about you. they love you, they're scared for you - and being scared makes people kind of freeze up. it's not because they don't love you. it's because they do.

now when something bad happens, my first thought is how can i make a stupid joke about this. it isn't my brain saying you're a dumb fucking bitch. i spend more time laughing. i spend more time being gentle with myself. i spend more time feeling good.

and the thing is - what's kind of funny - is that you'd be surprised by how many people agree with you. the first time i said i'm too pretty to understand that, someone else said to be fair you're the prettiest person in this room. i promise - you really don't know how kindly your friends see you. but they love you for a reason. they sort of reverse-velveteen-rabbit you. your weird and ugly spots fade away and you just become... the love they want to give you.

go love yourself ironically. the worst thing that happens is that you end up tricking your reflection into actually loving you.

[mugwot]

travel troubles

[uncanny-tranny]

Shoutout to those whose burnout never felt like a controlled bush fire, but felt as a forest fire consuming everything in its path. To those whose burnout didn't blossom into new life on the forest floors, but whose burnout has only left charred bark and silence in its wake. There's nothing wrong with you. Burnout can feel like a wound sometimes, a secret you keep to yourself out of shame. Your forest is not ruined. The fire wasn't your fault. If something will start to blossom in that forest, it will take time. It will be small. But it will be life.

[kr-210-r2700-prime]

assorted whiteboard slop from yestereve

[weepingwillows-sweethibiscustea]

Hi hi, hijacking this post to talk about my experience with maladaptive daydreaming & maybe give some perspective to people

——

I was in an abusive situation 2 years ago and during that time I was a major maladaptive daydreamer. I knew what I was daydreaming was fake, but my day dreams did effect how I viewed the people around me (probably a big part of why I never realized how awful the people around me were, in my daydreams they were much kinder). During the last year of it I began day dreaming about other worlds (Usually MHA and this one Webcomic I adored, like these people do with Hogwarts), sometimes I’d insert myself and the people around me, usually it was just in the POV of the character I was obsessing over (special interests, lol). A lot of the stuff was very abuse centered, but there was almost always a happy ending in my day dreams. It got to the point where I was so used to day dreaming about these other people I’d forget I was me- it was a strange feeling (definitely not a good one) to come crashing back to the reality that this was me, this is my life. Ironically enough, when I made an off-handed comment to one of my abusers about “forgetting I was me” they said that wasn’t healthy lol

I’m glad ppl on tiktok are doing ok

[thefoxtherapist]

Thinkin thinkin thinkin....

Reader who always wears a mask and people usually assume it's just so they could look edgy but in reality it's to cover up their face that is distorted from scars and on a random day character witnesses them without mask

Wuwa characters reacting~ (man I just don't really know who to name but maybe maybe include mortefi and scar *blinks cutely*)

No.. This isn't for self indulging because I made a wuwa character with a crow peak mask, no, not at all /liar

Anyways I know this might be more on the.. Darker side? I suppose and i tbh didn't know if you would be cool with it or nah.

I feel really chatty today forgive this yapper Anon, Have a lovely time zone🫡

Actually.... What is your favorite animal? Mine are crows :]

Hello thank you for the request! I never mind rambling don't worry! Haha I love the wuwa character inspired asks don't worry, my friend sent me one for Aalto based off of MY wuwa oc so (,: <3 handshaking.

CROWS MAKE SENSE! Mine are foxes<3 Specifically silver foxes or arctic foxes. But I love all foxes. My beloved creatures.

I hope you don't mind that I did headcanons!

Scar is almost insulted you didn’t tell him? The disgust in his mind is entirely based off of the “my fellow black lamb is even more similar to me and HID IT?!” thought.  He confronts you about it. If you have your mask in hand, he grabs your wrist before you can put it back on. “Hello, beautiful.” while staring deeply at your face. “Shameful of you to hide such beauty from me.” Scar, you're so weird. Surprisingly sweet though..

Scar doesn’t really give you time to react before his lips start pressing against the outlines of the scars. If there are no outlines, he just starts smooching from your cheek across your face, your nose, your jaw, your chin, your forehead, before finally. He kisses your lips.

“You should really grace me with this sight more often~” Thanks Scar.

Anyways any time you two are alone in private he will POUT for you to take the mask off so he can kiss you and stare at you. Scar will compliment you a BUNCH. Anything to make you blush or smile.

He will also encourage you to touch his facial scars. And yes, he rubs his scarred cheek against your face. Like a cat. Congrats on the cat.

Mortefi literally doesn’t care.

He doesn’t even notice, he is mid sentence, hence why he caught you in such a situation. And he will NOT stop his sentence. Once he’s done rambling you’ve probably already got your mask back on. And he’ll stop you from responding by raising an eyebrow and “Why did you put it back on?”

“I’m more comfortable this way.” and that’s it, end of conversation. Mortefi respects you more than he feels the need to be curious about their origins. And he’s right back to talking about whatever it was he wanted to bounce off of you.

If you begin to take your mask off around him more often in private, he will notice, but he won’t comment on it. Mortefi isn’t a big show of affection guy, but he’ll encourage this by kissing your cheek whenever he’s on his way out or his way in.

Mortefi doesn’t see the need for verbal reassurances. He’s a bit of a stiff lover anyway. But he tries his best to show you support and affection. Its clearly a sensitive spot, and while he doesn’t really get it, especially as a Resonator with physical changes caused by his awakening and overclocking, he knows he doesn’t /need/ to understand to be supportive.

Aalto is soooo curious, unlike Mortefi, he STOPS MID SENTENCE. And stares. Then realises he shouldn’t stare and turns around. “Sorry, babe! Didn’t expect you to be changing.” You weren’t, he just does not know how to phrase it. He’s definitely the ONLY one on /this/ list who actually thought it was for edgy purposes :sob: loser

Once he has a sign you have it back on, he WHIRLS AROUND. “As cool as the mask is, you should show off a pretty face like yours more often!” he wants to ask SO BAD. But Aalto knows he shouldn’t. And he’s a respectful guy! Sometimes.

Resumes what he was saying but he’ll be thinking about this allllllll night forever and always. 

The next time you have your mask off around him, knowing he’s supportive of your skin, he feels GLEEFULLLL. Aalto is so happy. Aalto “You shouldn’t make ties with other people” Black Shores realises from this ordeal that he is in DEEP. SO SO deep. 

That isn’t his problem though, he’s busy trailing his fingers over your jaw, neck, collarbones as he spoons you from behind. His aero abilities always leave a nice sensation against the scar tissue. Especially a fan of your jaw if there are any there in particular. Aalto is a jaw kisser through and through.

[b-yyearns]

just want to be held, held by my boy like im his most precious thing in the world, absolutely loved and just so happy with eachother in the moment covering eachother in kisses and so in love

[crybaby-bkg]

Kirishima who likes that cheesy, shitty porn that makes you and Bakugou cringe, but you two can't help but indulge the big guy when he wants to role-play.

bakugou has been a swimmer since he was an infant, but pretends to drown in you guys' pool so Kiri can jump in and save him as the life guard on duty. gives bakugou mouth to mouth which always seems to devolve into tongue kissing and a cough from you to at least get back on script. it somehow ends up with you thanking the life guard for saving your boyfriend by offering up your mouth to him while he continues to tongue down Bakugou. its a little stupid, but everyone always gets off.

or, his other favorite one, where he's coming in for a massage and you and bakugou are both the masseuses. Bakugou works his back muscles and you flip him over to do his front. you always somehow end up bouncing on Kiri's cock while Bakugou fucks his mouth. you don't mind that one as much, because Kiri's chest oiled up always look so delectable, and the sounds he emits low in his throat when you play with his nipples is always worth the ache in your thighs the next morning.

you've done hero-villain-civilian role-play before too, where you're the helpless victim fallen prey to a mysterious blood riot and trying to be saved by dynamight. that one, despite how much you both complain about it all, seems to elicit the eagerest responses from all of you. its something about playing helpless while being taken from behind that does you in. especially when you're bent over in Bakugou's lap while he's tied down to a chair, unable to save you, his sweet little civilian. eye to eye with him, his mouth gagged, while Kiri fucks you so mercilessly that your drool hits Bakugou's chin and his evil laughs makes both of you close to orgasming.

now that one makes the role-play seem just a bit less cringy. but only when its you guys doing it, not the fake shit Kiri watches. if wants cheesy porn, then you two are willing to help him play it all out in real life.

[weepingwillows-sweethibiscustea]

My current stims are “Theres a femur in my pocket” (very drawn out), “I killed a man and buried him under my floorboards, but his telltale heart is dummy-thicc and the clap of his ventricles keeps alerting my raging paranoia”, just a simple bzzz noise, tits, femur, and tibia (and temur & fibia).

And I’ve had “wooOoo” (all high-pitched and smooth) for a very long time. (I’ve only embraced my vocal stimming this year, but my little wooOo was something I found any excuse to be able to do haha)

Some former ones:

-I’m just a kid and my life is a nightmare

-I’m just a kid who four. Each I learn some more. I like exploring, I’m caillou. (Both are poorly sung)

^^^that. (I have the whole thing memorized lmao)

I’d also shorten it to just “Whats up mother-shuckers”

-Come with me, and you’ll be in a world of pure imagination.

-And that killer instinct is still in our duh-nuh. Uh, I’m pretty much sure its pronounced D-N-A. Don’t tell me what I know Travis.

actually just for funsies i would like to know other people's vocal stims or echolalia you have/had experienced often! (vocal tic experiences are welcome as well !! i just dont have tics so idk if thats really all that similar so i'd rather leave it to u guys who do have them to decide)

mine are:

"MEOW"

"you put the PEEPS IN THE CHILI POT and ADD THE M&Ms"

"apathy's a tragedy and boredom is a crime anything and everything all of the time" (said really really fast)

"that is MAHOGANY"

"fuckin mint"

"mrrrow" (different from "MEOW". this one's lower, quieter & more like purring)

"mew" (also different from MEOW and mrrow)

"Skulduggery Pleasant's 1954 Bentley R-Type Continental is one of only 208 ever made"

a couple of these (like peeps in the chili pot, fuckin mint, and bently r-type) are echolalia from other people or from books/TV and some are just vocal stims

[joonebugg]

What if Nightmare's goo was just sap...like from trees. Or at least like the consistency of it maybe?

[weepingwillows-sweethibiscustea]

I’m not even sorry for the person I’m gonna become when Red White & Royal Blue comes out.

[igotublue]

So I finished Burning Shores and had a thought:

If, when they met, Aloy represents the sky (aka crashing from her sunwing)

And Seyka represents the sea…

They are the Horizon.

[manasurge]

Just a bit of lore relevant vent art (with terrible proportions bc apparently I mess that up horribly when I'm tired ugh. Watch me regret posting this tomorrow. The head size is already driving me mad bc it's too big, and I can feel myself wanting to abort this mission already) of Mourynn just, lying down on top of one of those large elevated Pale Tree roots far above the Grove (and far away from everyone else), and during the time between the early years and before the Personal story. Caithe is gone (Destiny's Edge), Wynne is gone (bc well, y'know...), even Faolain is gone (bc of Caithe in DE), and she's just feeling miserable, lost, and alone. (Her hair is in between her sapling hair and the Zhaitan hair, so it's grown out a bit bc she's depressed, and she's meant to be in the new outfit she designed, but I'm in the process of redesigning it a bit, so I've made a few tentative changes for now. Her collar is now just an extension of her clavicle leaves which can be put up like a collar, or can be draped down over her shoulders or back)

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

Been meaning to say this for awhile, but I hope more mascot horror going forward takes more pages from Amanda the Adventurer's Book.

Stop worrying about marketing to the children so much, and make an actual horrifying scenario based around a warped sense of Childhood Nostalgia. Amanda dealing with themes of abandonment, loss, and entrapment and can also be a deconstructive look at how some child actors get treated if you look deep on it. (and these are all my own opinions btw.. I haven't watched any game theory or whatever ppl are saying about it.)

Which is way more interesting to me then "evil science experiments, or a serial killer turned these mascots evil now."

I really loved this game since it's Beta premise and I'm glad it is gaining traction on youtube.

I hope that we haven't seen the last of Amanda. There's probably plans for a sequel, or even a whole franchise.

I just hope that the creators keep Amanda how it is, and try not to lean into that kids horror marketing. Not that there's nothing wrong with horror for kids, but I feel mascot horror is always stronger as a genre when it's appealing to "adults who remember growing up with this stuff" rather then "children who will buy our toys"

[stealthysteveharrington]

Eddie and Steve decide to get married in a courthouse ceremony with only Robin and Wayne present.

They would have liked to have the big ceremony and reception with all of their loved ones present, would have liked to take the time to save up and really plan out their day, but Steve told his parents about the engagement and was immediately cut off. And since he still works at his minimum wage job with Robin while he finishes up community college (he's considering applying to a 4 year school after for his bachelors, but it just feels so daunting still (Robin and Eddie will convince him eventually)), and with his history of chronic migraines and other various health issues, he really needed insurance. Luckily Eddie scored a mechanics job at a local dealership and gets pretty good benefits from it.

So an immediate courthouse wedding it is. They figure they can still do a big party later, when they've had the time to save and plan.

After the ceremony they stop by the towns Walmart to grab a wedding cake (Robin insists that some traditions can't be skipped. Eddie's always down for cake). The only suitable item they have left in stock is a six pack of Encanto cupcakes complete with little plastic rings.

They take them home and the four of them celebrate. Eddie and Steve trade plastic rings and wear them on their pinky fingers all night, next to their shiny new wedding bands.

Robin insists again that the last two cupcakes get frozen for their one year anniversary, like the top tier of a traditional wedding cake would.

They go to bed that night with the cupcakes in the freezer, the plastic rings in a place of honor, and the knowledge that they can now call each other "husband". And they think, their wedding was pretty perfect after all.