#this is so pretty i am crying always
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kelin-is-writing · 2 months ago
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This man is ART.
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inkskinned · 1 year ago
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one of the things about being an educator is that you hear what parents want their kids to be able to do a lot. they want their kid to be an astronaut or a ballerina or a politician. they want them to get off that damn phone. be better about socializing. stop spending so much time indoors. learn to control their own temper. to just "fucking listen", which means to be obedient.
one of the things i learned in my pedagogy classes is that it's almost always easier to roleplay how you want someone to act. it's almost always easier to explain why a rule exists, rather than simply setting the rule and demanding adherence.
i want my kids to be kind. i want them to ask me what book they should read next, and i want to read that book with them so we can discuss it. i want my kid to be able to tell me hey that hurt my feelings without worrying i'll punish them. i want my kid to be proud of small things and come running up to me to tell me about them. i want them to say "nah, i get why this rule exists, but i get to hate it" and know that i don't need them to be grateful-for-the-roof-overhead while washing the dishes. i want them to teach me things. i want them to say - this isn't safe. i'm calling my mom and getting out of this. i want them to hear me apologize when i do fuck up; and i want them to want to come home.
the other day a parent was telling me she didn't understand why her kid "just got so angry." this woman had flown off the handle at me.
my dad - traditional catholic that he is - resents my sentiment of "gentle parenting". he says they'll grow up spoiled, horrible, pretentious. granola, he spits.
i am going to be kind to them. i am going to set the example, i think. and whatever they choose become in the meantime - i'm going to love them for it.
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yuwuta · 5 months ago
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JJK OLYMPICS OHHH YOURE A GENIUS
head spinning w sooooooo many athlete aus rn….. 
satoru honestly isn’t half as cocky as the media makes him out to be but he could be because you bring up world champion men’s freestyle swim times and it’s his name on the scoreboard ten times before someone else shows up. he’s faster than himself by fifteen seconds all around, he’s earned a bit of cockiness. mentioned in the last post that whenever he’s at a competition and he finishes a race, he looks at the camera and signs a little infinity sign and then blows a kiss to you. some bitter old coach always calls him out on it, and gets him fined for unsportsmanlike conduct, and he’s happy to pay the fees if it means getting a message home to you, but eventually you two come up with a new code; and at his next race, he places gold, turns to the camera, crosses his middle finger over his pointer finger and smiles. when he’s in his post-race interview, he makes sure to explain that he does it for you with the widest smile on his face.
megumi nepotism baby but not in the same sport. toji was a multi gold medalist back in his heyday for shooting, so it’s not really a surprise to anybody that megumi has scary good aim, but he takes to archery instead of shooting. actually the idea of megumi being an emo little kid and throwing rocks at a tree when his dad pissed him off his hilarious, and even funnier is toji watching him, slightly amused and a little scared because megumi is maybe six and hitting the exact same spot every single time. he grows to be very blase about it—it’s more of a release/hobby for him that he happens to be really good at, and well, now good enough to earn a few olympic medals. megumi is not a fan of having his dad ruffle his hair on international television after he’s won, but he supposes it can’t be helped.
i don’t know where to put yuuta…. tennis…. tempting….. him in his little white shorts…. little grunts after he serves…. cries….. a complete 180 in his personality when he’s playing vs doing anything else. so charming and sweet and kinda shy when he’s being interviewed, and the second he steps on the court his eyes are so cold it’s scary…. need him… extremely nerdy about his rackets, and shoes, and clothes, and rambles to you about aerodynamics and posture and torque whenever you ask him to teach you, and you always have to shutup him up with a kiss and remind him that yeah you sort of want to learn to play tennis for him, but mostly you came bc he looks hot doing it. once he got asked in an interview if he ever thinks about you while he’s playing and his response was very concise, “no, never. it would be a big distraction,” and did not realize the implications of his heavily televised words. 
also…. not to make this post 40% yuuta but we could pull from canon a bit and make his sport fencing. he doesn’t excel because he’s the strongest, it’s because he’s learned to treat the sword as an extension of himself and a good strategist… also because i like the image of him pulling the helmet/mask off and shaking his hair out………..
don’t even know where to put yuuji…. volleyball? basketball? track and field??? the irony of him easily being the most athletic but canonically does not want to play sports 😭 but i can see him playing a sport because someone scouts him and it turns out to be a way to make steady money to support himself and his grandpa :( by the time he’s qualified and made it to the olympics, wasuke is doing much better (thanks to yuuji having landed some preemptive sponsorships and being able to afford better medical care), but not so well enough that he can travel across the world to watch yuuji play. wasuke tells you that you should travel and be with yuuji, but yuuji is so touched by the idea that you would stay with his grandpa and be by his side when he’s away :(( he wins gold, of course, and he doesn’t even wait until the closing ceremony—which, he’d mentioned in all of his interviews, so nobody can be too upset. he’s on record saying, “i’m excited to play, but i’m even happier to be going home. my girlfriend and my grandpa are watching me and i miss them!” several times— he’s on the first flight home with flowers, and tears in his eyes. puts his gold medal on his grandpa’s neck as a thank you, and spends probably thirty minutes straight hugging you and kissing you and honestly don’t put it past him to propose now that he’s got nike ambassador money 
nanami started judo as a way to relieve the stress of his overbearing job, and someone at the gym/training center notices he seems to be a natural despite being a beginner. he starts to draw a crowd, which annoys him at first because the point of judo was discipline and release from having to deal with too many people at his office job, but nanami supposes he can’t be too mad when you introduce yourself as a talent scout and offer him professional training. there’s irony in him accepting your offer, because it was definitely not based in professionalism at all… quitting his job as a salaryman to become a professional athlete in his mid-twenties was not on his bingo chart, but if it means he will have met you, then so be it. you’re with him all the way, through his training, competitions, world championships, qualifiers, all the way until he’s on the podium. you’re the first to congratulate him, but he interjects by telling you he’s quitting. you ask him why—he just won at the olympics for crying out loud, but nanami just shakes his head, puts down his flowers and his medal so his hands are free to hold your face and tell you, “it would be unethical to kiss my manager, so i am quitting.” (later, when everything is said and done, and you two are cuddling, you mention to him that he could just hire a new manager, and not quit his new career, to which he blushes because yeah… that’s probably more rational, but rational was not in his train of thought at the time)
#anonymous#nanami kento.......................................... god#also yuuji :((((( just a kid who wanted to do something nice for his grandpa I will CRY#immediate proposal when he gets home to you who does he think he is? yuuta?#speaking of yuuta he's like the best player his age and he's always asked to attend events or parties or whatever#and he's always like ah no thank you I am going home to my girlfriend#every fucking interview it's like yeah I love tennis but I love my girlfriend more for supporting and encouraging me#my girlfriend my girlfriend my girlfriend#one day he actually seems Excited to be doing his press conference and a journalist picks up on it to which yuuta happily raises his hand#and lets everyone know that he's now engaged. and very very grateful for his wife#he does the same shit a few years later like randomly during a press conference he's like#'I am kinda nervous. my baby didn't sleep well last night so I was up with him pretty late' and everyone's like BABY?#and yuutas like yeah! he's almost 14 months now do u wanna see him!#let me stop bringing kids into this bc w/ satoru and kento I could go on for hours....#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen fluff#jujutsu kaisen smut#gojo x reader#gojo smut#yuuta x reader#yuuji x reader#megumi x reader#nanami kento x reader#once u asked megumi what he thinks about when he's practicing and he's so deadpan as he reloads and arrow#and right before he lets it go he's like 'ur ex boyfriend' and then hits the target dead in the center LMFAO#olympics au
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enii · 8 months ago
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Don't push yourself too hard💕
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lost-in-azalea-forest · 1 year ago
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sometimes i think "nah, i'm not THAT obsessed with f/o" and then i see f/o and sdjdkcjkcjckdhfk 💝💓💝💕💖💓💘💖💟💓💝💓💕💘
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anomura · 1 month ago
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so. i've been thinking probably way much about bucky's attachment/abandonment issues bc they're soooo loud to me like he clings to people so hard!!! he wants to be chosen!!! him asking gale "did you miss me?" after spending objectively not that much time apart half joking but half sincere bc he's used to people getting tired of him and leaving so he has to make sure.
And it makes gale saying no to london even more of a Big Deal. and paulina leaving him the morning after even when he asked her to stay!!! and lil kissing him but getting with dye!! and once again feeling rejected in the stalag when gale won't leave with him, won't even entertain the thought of it !! andddd not having anyone writing him letters, possibly not even his family for reasons we don't get to know but probably are a big part of why he has attachment issues
i've already said this but i'll say it again even though he's confident/cocky at times he doesn't... like himself . or has a lot of regard for his own life which we literally see in the show. he was Capital S Suicidal – bc of the stalag obviously but come on he drinks like crazy and gambles and smokes even before things get Really Bad. and the plane wing sceneeeee you don't goad your friend !! not even a random person but a Friend into hitting you if you're a well adjusted individual. And he was ready to give up fr when gale went down. he did not want to bail out with brady!!! AND him risking his eye to get gale a bike (which while yeah crazy yaoi moment . to me also ties into him needing to be wanted/needed so people won't leave him) so yeah clearly not huge on self preservation which at least in my perception is something that stems from self hatred
all of these rejections (even if justified at times) are probably a series of blows to his perception of himself/sense of self and just reaffirm to him in his head that he's not good enough and he is right to expect to be left by the people he loves. and he tries to stop that by clinging as hard as he can and not being expendable/replaceable. but if they do leave he can rationalize it because if everyone leaves him clearly it's his fault, he's the one lacking – which feeds his recklessness and self destructive coping mechanisms even more
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idlesuperstar · 1 year ago
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current sexual orientation: tweedy, warm, intelligent, wry, ping-pong playing, whisky-drinking, poetry-quoting, motorbike-racing, gloriously red-headed here-on-earth-I-am-your-defending-counsel Doctor Frank Reeves [Roger Livesey: A Matter of Life And Death, Powell & Pressburger, 1946]
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mordremrose · 6 months ago
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ART PARTY BABEY HAPPY PRIDE
Enjoy ur bees, give magic swords to little girls and baked beans to slublings— and be wary of rogue noodles
EU doodles: my own Mehndra, Hey Barbie, Tai of the Order and their cursed snack choices, the never ending bench, Strongessst, Necrotechnician Fip, Soft Skunk, Ruárn and Lux Pyrefaith
NA doodles: Khynain (ft a very tiny goofy version of my lad Draikôs) Wet Gunk, Harley Vuong, Tine of Nice Dreams, Kimber Truthspeaker, Zuutes and Master Dokks
As always, if you would like to be tagged with your toon, please let me know!! Otherwise, enjoy ur mischief
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marquisecubey · 1 month ago
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I have a new dnd character and I’ve been drawing her so much for the past week uuuuuuhhhhhh anyway here’s sister Frenelle I named her after a type of light fixture
(Congratulations! You have clicked on the Read More and you have unlocked her long ass backstory. Enjoy this thing I sent to my dm, which I can only assume that she must have liked because she gave me a free legendary magic item lmfao. Don’t worry if you’re not up to snuff on Eberron specific lore, I catch you up on the important bits.)
The secret child of an elven nobleman and a human scholar, Frenelle Albright was born in the isolated island nation of Aerenal.
Aerenal was not a kind place to anyone who was not a full-blooded elf, and with very few flesh and blood friends to talk to, her mother's wide collection of books became her dearest companions. From an early age, the doctor saw great intelligence and curiosity in her daughter; the tomes she pulled from her mother’s shelves were leagues above her expected reading level, and by the age of eight, she could even hold entire conversations about complex historical topics.
Humans cannot wander freely across Aerenal with no reason, but it was a vital place when it came to Dr. Albright’s research. The goal of the books she was writing was to help the rest of the world gain a greater understanding of Aereni society, and to hopefully encourage them be less afraid of their open practice of necromancy. But sadly, while it was a fantastic place for a researcher, there were also very few opportunities for her bright young daughter to truly flourish and learn at her own pace. So one day, she had a difficult conversation with her daughter: For the next several years, she would stay on the island, while Frenelle would be moving across the sea to attend a boarding school in Fairhaven on her father’s coin.
Frenelle was terrified at first of being alone. She was already a terribly shy girl by nature, and the new city and climate were overwhelming. For the first month, she hardly spoke to anyone at all, not even to her teachers. However, over the next few months as she properly settled into Fairhaven, she was taken aback by how welcoming the new environment was, especially compared to the coldness of her hometown. People actually wanted to talk to her, and they remembered her name. She had peers that she could talk to about all of the math and magic and history that were bottled up for so long, and when she excelled at a topic, she was rewarded instead of scolded.
The most exciting thing about the academy was that she wasn't even the only half-elf there. Or rather, Khoravar as they called themselves, and as they called her too. The main group of khoravar who took her under their wing were a group of rambunctious kids from House Lyrandar, and it was here that she met her best friend, a boy named Leeko.
Leeko was outgoing, kind, and a bit of a hothead, but he was also passionate and smart in the same way she was. He loved all of the flying machines and massive airships that his family was building, and he talked intensely about how excited he was to pilot them one day, proudly showing off the Dragonmark of the Storm on his right hand. Despite them seeming like total opposites at a glance, the two couldn't have been closer. Every time they met up to try and study for classes, they'd end up talking for hours on end about everything from old magic to new technology. For the first time in her life, Frenelle wasn't alone.
Each year, she would return home to her mother for a couple of weeks, but as she continued to thrive in Fairview, she began to notice that the doctor was growing more isolated and depressed each year back on the island of the dead. Eventually, she was able to convince her mother to leave behind her studies, coming home with her daughter, never to return.
Frenelle quickly rose to become one of the top students in her class, graduating from her boarding school with honours and moving on to study divination magic and history at the University of Wynarn. By then, Leeko had left for the island of Stormhome to train as a pilot, but the two continued to write long, cascading letters to one another every single week.
Her unconventional background gave her a unique perspective when it came to her studies at Wynarn. This was all well and good, until it led to her constantly interrupting professors during lectures to question their biases. This was especially true when it came to the taboo field of necromancy, which she had grown up seeing as a very normal thing in her culture. Eventually, however, she quickly grew wise to the fact that if she wanted to succeed as an academic, she would need to suck up to her less worldly professors every now and again. After all, if she wanted to make her point of view known, she should attempt to hear them out as well.
While working on one of her Master's degrees, Frenelle's work ethic and passion managed to attract the attention of a temple of Aureon in Arcanix, where she was offered a position as a novice. She was hesitant to quit her studies at first, but at the urging of Leeko, who just had gotten a job as an air shuttle pilot at the floating towers, she dropped everything and accepted the massive opportunity.
In fact, the chance to see Leeko again may have been her biggest reason for moving to Arcanix, because it turns out, she had started to develop romantic feelings for him. And, as she would later come to find, he felt the exact same way. She would even learn that he had planned on marrying her, which was no small deal of course. After all, Leeko wasn’t simply just her best friend, he was an heir to House Lyrandar, the Half-Elven dynasty who controlled the rapidly growing industry of air travel across the civilized world, using the Dragonmark of the Storm that ran in their blood.
A proper, pure Dragonmark gives a person tremendous power. Most importantly to those in the twelve Dragonmarked houses, it is a predictable power. However, the same cannot be said of the unpredictable power that results when people from two different houses produce a child. Unpredictability is volatility, and volatility is danger. For the sake and the preservation of society, all marriages and sexual relations between those with different Dragonmarks are strictly prohibited.
Frenelle didn't actually notice her mark for the first few days. She had figured it was some benign skin condition, a small rash around her eye. When it didn't go away, she went to see one of the healers at the temple, who laughed when she said she had no idea what it was. When he realized she was being serious, he explained that she was a foundling, a Dragonmarked person with no previous ties to a house.
He explained that her Dragonmark of Detection was an incredible thing.
With the power of her newly manifested mark, Frenelle became an obvious standout among the rest of the clergy in ways she hadn't even thought were possible. She could look into people's thoughts, see entirely new creatures from beyond the material world. She could protect people from danger.
The royal family of Aundair was in search of a governess for their children, but not just any regular teacher would do. They needed a cleric, a person who could embody the very will of Aureon, the god of magic, knowledge, and the law itself. Their job wouldn't be just to teach, but to physically protect the future of the kingdom. And, who in the world could possibly be better for that than the gifted foundling who just landed on the steps of Arcanix?
Frenelle walked past the cockpit as she boarded the air shuttle. The pilot smiled as he called her name and waved with a childlike excitement. She lowered her head. Words that he’d never get to speak reverberated through her skull. She felt his heart sink like a rock through her own chest. He wanted to marry her.
Vows of celibacy aren't necessarily a requirement for becoming a cleric. However, many choose to take them on in an effort to avoid mortal matters clouding their judgment. It's not as though she had much of a choice in the matter. After all, when the queen who funded your schools and the god who bestowed you these powers give you a call to action, to uphold and protect the law, you listen.
So, as a cleric with a high stakes mission, Frenelle simply chose to take that mission very seriously. And you see, it's actually fine. She's fine. They're fine. It’s fine. He’s fine. They’re fine. They're all fine. She's fine. It’s fine.
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deoidesign · 6 months ago
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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morsartis · 1 year ago
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Listen. Listen I get the hype and thirst for Miguel O'Hara okay? I get it. BUT THE WAY I WOULD FOLD FOR HOBIE BROWN I SWEAR TO GOD. I would make lawn chairs jealous. Wet paper towels would have nothing on me. Origami would wish it could do what I would do. The unholy things I want that man to do to me would get me banned from church. I apologize in advance for the person I will become once ATSV gets released on demand. Hobie and Miguel had no reason to be that fine but if I don't see more people simping for Spiderpunk I will be DISAPPOINTED he was TOO GODDAMN PRETTY for you guys not to jump on that.
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kindheartedgummybears · 10 months ago
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you wanna know what??
I am
TIRED
of overmasculinized werewolves!!!!
I WANNA SEE A
WEREWOLF
WALKING AROUND IN A CVNTY LITTLE OUTFIT!!! WALKING THE STREETS!!!! DISEMBOWELING CREATURES!!!!
I WANNA SEE WEREWOLVES COVERED IN BLOOD AND GORE WHILE WEARING A SHORT SKIRT AND CROPTOP WITH HELLO KITTY ON IT!!!!
I WANNA SEE A WEREWOLF WALKING AROUND IN COTTAGE AND FAIRY AND PRINCESS CORE OUTFITS!!!!!! WITH A DEAD MANGLED RABBIT IN ITS MOUTH!!!!
AND MAKE THE WEREWOLF
D I S G U S T I N G ! ! !
#i am TIRED of seeing all these manly man werewolves that are all copy and paste white boys#I am TIRED of seeing all these woman werewolves being butch and masculine(also mostly white) or submissive!!!#I WANNA SEE SOME PLUS-SIZE WEREWOLVES I WANNA SEE SOME BLACK ASIAN LATINO MIDDLE EASTERN NON WHITE WEREWOLVES!!!!! THAT ARNT F3TIZIED!!!!!#I WANNA SEE A G I R L WEREWOLF THATS INTO “G I R L Y” THINGS!!!!! LET THE WEREWOLF BE A SLVT!!!!!#LET THE WEREWOLF BE IN THE TRADITIONAL CLOTHING OF ITS CULTURE!!!!#AND RIP AND TEAR AND MAUL AND CRY IN THE MORNING AFTER DOING ALL OF IT!!!! RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#no but fr can we werewolf fans like. actually sit down and reflect on the inherent misogyny of werewolves??? ESPECIALLY IN MEDIA#like. almost EVERY. SINGLE. WEREWOLF. in movies and shows and stuff are always a buff white man with anger and trust issues#and on the rare occasion that there *is* a woman werewolf shes always either over masculine or “weaker” than the “stronger alpha male” were#olf and only seen as a mate. AND shes always “calmer” and “maternal” and “calms the alpha male down🥺🥺”.AND she never has an actually good#werewolf form its always either wolf tail and ears or full wolf. or if it *is* actually a decent werewolf her transformation is offscreen.#like whyyyyyyyyyyyyy are people so scared to make women go ape shit?????? werewolves are NOT pretty creatures!!!! STOP MAKING THEM PRETTY!!#(lmao jk we know why they're so scared hashtag male gaze)#like yes. werewolves ARE pretty but not in the “dog show 30k$ poodle” kind of way i see some people making them(not that that's bad tho)#AND ALSO LIKE. ARE WE JUST GOING TO PRETEND WEREWOLVES LITERALLY WEREN'T MADE FOR WOMEN AND MINORITIES???#like. once a month someone turns into a raging bloodthirsty unstoppable beast driven by the moon and instincts with an insatiable hunger an#need to hide away from people due to them wanting to kill you or fearing you simply because you're a werewolf. they don't know you. they ju#t see you as a creature that might hurt them. constantly being hunted down to be killed simply for existing.#WHAT PART OF THAT SCREAMS: “ah yes. White man.”#IK theres going be people(men and pick mes) that see this post and think “this bitch is overreacting” and tbh idc.the girls who get it get#the girls who dont dont.#anyways shout out to Ginger Snaps trick or treat and every other piece of media or fan piece with disgusting non-f3tiszied woman/poc werewo#i love yall#*smooch smooch*#Werewolves#Werewolf#Lycanthrope#Lycanthropy#Werewolf AU#Yeah. Im tagging that too. I see yall.
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natjennie · 7 months ago
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anyone else out here a middle child saddled with eldest daughter responsibilities?
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vse-kar-vem · 8 months ago
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how to write vent post title that does not come off as self-pitying and or accusatory (because it's NOT !)
#sorry tumblr is like a diary to me idk what i'll do w this blog after i (sigh) inevitably move on#either way#im convinced everyone hates me again :3 but realistically no one cares about me even enough to hate me im just stupid and self centred 💔#if anything me TYPING these posts is actuvely turning people against me#again with the assumptions that people care enough to read these 😭 fhskfbhsjfkg#i hate that i care so much what people online think of me cuz irl it's like. whatever#but here there are so many cool people who i admire and would love to be friends with im always hyperparanoid of everything i do#and still i manage to overstep and come off as annoying#like obvs you're allowed to hate me even if you're someone i look up to like that's your perogative#but i hate worrying about IF anyone hates me#oughgh this is easier irl because usually people send off pretty clear signals if they dont like you#but online (esp with how prickly this fandom is) i don't know whether im being insecure and reading into things or whether people just don't#like me (which again is fine i would just rather know if anyone gets it)#i figure art is the one way i can get people to like me 💔 which sounds kinda pathetic because irl i KNOW im liked and capable!#fandom has just become such a big part of my personality that i cant detach my self worth from it#and i do love art and drawing and such i hate that even if i know people my stuff EYE dont and it doesnt mean anything or act as a signifier#of my friendships#wow .... i really am my own therapist ..... i should shut up#the industrial revolution and its consequences (jofandom)#i think these posts are half self exploration half ... almost self harm? because sometimes im so derogatory about myself on purpose in a#'you're worthless' way. but at the same time it's cathartic and i always feel better having probed at my feelings and gotten them in order#not to do a complete 180 but it's MY post and JO LONDON IN *12* DAYS!!!!!!!! AHH i'm sooo excited if it doesnt live up to my expectations i#may cry a little. and there will be another vent post from me !#sometimes i wonder if anyone actually reads these 😭#vee rambles
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insanechayne · 7 days ago
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#today I am sad about something that I know objectively is dumb#my 30th birthday is next week and the party will be next Saturday and I’m having a dinner at a nice restaurant in town#I wasn’t supposed to make it to 30 and never thought I would but now somehow I have and so this birthday is like…#a really huge deal to me you know#and I always wanted to be able to have a big party to celebrate this specific occasion and in my head I pictured all my friends/family there#I figured this would be one of the biggest parties I’d ever get to throw because to me this is the biggest milestone I’ve gotten to so far#but out of all the people I’ve invited the most that will probably reasonably show is about 10#and even that’s a bit iffy because tbh I’m pretty sure my bestie will flake on me like he always does#and if he doesn’t show up that might just end the friendship but that’s another matter entirely#also iffy because I haven’t gotten a lot of responses still even though I made the event and sent invites two weeks ago#I just… thought I had more friends than that if that makes sense#like I had bigger parties with more people attending in high school and I barely had any friends then#I’ve thrown low key Halloween parties in my mom’s apartment that had more people show up#now I’m at the most important moment of my life (so far) and I’ll barely have anyone with me#lately it just feels like less and less people care about me for real despite how many I know around work or how many are on my Facebook#it feels like my world keeps shrinking and I really don’t want that because it’s been small enough as it is#I just feel like I’m never really going to find my place or have big groups of friends like everyone else#I’m never going to have a group of friends or people I can rely on to spend time with me when needed#as it is planning things gets harder the older we get anyway just due to needing to tend to adult life#guess I still just want what everyone else has and I don’t know why I can’t have those things#and I know it’s stupid and selfish and whiny but I really want to cry because I’m so depressed that I have barely anyone in my life at all#barely anyone to celebrate something so important to me and so few who even seem to care at all either#I’m grateful for everyone I do have honestly#but that doesn’t offset this weird pain in my chest over this whole situation#maybe I should just curl up and cry until this all passes and I can go back to pretending it doesn’t matter#personal
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soullessjack · 1 year ago
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he is so important to me
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