#and wow I am still not used to having NO SIZE LIMIT on gifs I remember the days we got excited when it went to 1mb

[idlesuperstar]

current sexual orientation: tweedy, warm, intelligent, wry, ping-pong playing, whisky-drinking, poetry-quoting, motorbike-racing, gloriously red-headed here-on-earth-I-am-your-defending-counsel Doctor Frank Reeves [Roger Livesey: A Matter of Life And Death, Powell & Pressburger, 1946]

[whatudowhennooneseesyou]

This might be being delulu again, but i'm no longer asshamed so

I feel that Hyunjin would be REALLY into a smooth manipulator type of girl. Someone that puts on multiple masks for others, who hides her true feelings (maybe out of a trauma or personal benefits) and uses her charms to get what she wants. Lying, deceiving, gaslighting, but just enough to achieve her goals and not really to hurt people.

I think he'll enjoy seeing someone that. He's an ambitious person himself and a hard-worker, so he can't help but appreciate a girl going that far to satisfy her own ambitions too. Someone who can conjure fake tears to get her way or escape a situation. Who isn't afraid of manipulating others for their wishes, despite the risk of it backfiring.

Hyunjin would take a look at that little schemer, seeing instantly through her facade (because he's the same as her, pretenders recognize other pretenders), and become fascinated by her. He'll find her tactics amusing and would have fun watching her play people like puppets. Maybe he'll intervene in her bussiness and push her buttons, eager to see how far she can go and where do her limits reside.

Sorry for the rant, been in a Hyunjin mode recently and I'm obsessed witht the deep analysis of his persona I see around here

I am still watching Keith's Cheesecake Factor video and the PORTIONS ARE SO HUGE?? I have not seen cheesecake the size of a small plate before and I can now understand why ppl say one cheesecake slice is enough for two people.

I'll tag my special moot @lyramundana because she LURRVES any type of Bang Chan and Hyunjin analysis and tea about the 'shadow' aspects of the idols.

Wow- this is a dark and emotionally in-depth take and I'm not sure whether I can answer this because I just haven't thought about the mind of Hyunjin to this level but it's a powerful insight.

This would be a great starter for a cool piece with a toxic!reader but I honestly don't have anything to respond to this except I think this is a cool analysis of what Hyunjin could potentially be attracted too.

[i0-0na]

Entry 10 - Animation Party

Date : 06.05.2024

This week Monday, Dom, Matthijs and I were invited to an animation welcome party. I was pretty tired though, and somewhat anxious to be honest, so I was kind of unsure about going. I couldn’t really explain why, at one point I even felt like I was going to be sick. However, I decided to go anyways because why not~

We put name tags on ourselves (I wrote my name both in Japanese and English, I’m good at hiragana and katakana alphabet but not Kanji ;-;). However, I felt my anxiety rise again as soon as we were put onto random tables, and I wasn’t with my friends. I find it easy to make friends and stuff but honestly the language barrier was what was making worry, but I did my best.

I was so confused I ended up asking one of the professors who understood English, and she was like “Yeah! Are you in a circle?” I just stared blankly back at her. I had no clue what she meant. So, I pointed at the table and I said “I guess we’re in a circle now???” They just laughed and the conversation moved on. Later I told Matthijs about this cryptic message and they told me ‘circle’ was like another term for club or in this context because we’re at university, society. I was like oooohhh, I get it now wow ToT.  When food was brought out people started moving around so I went to Matthijs’ table, I wasn’t hungry, so I barely ate anything. Also, I still kinda felt ill. A bit later on that’s when I started feeling a bit better, as well I felt more comfortable to get out of my shell and began to start talking and making friends with people. Since we’re all animation majors one of the key points of our conversations was anime we liked and I put on my name tag. Even though I put Space Dandy on mine, I honestly dislike the idea of me having to pick my ‘favourite’ because I like so many works its hard to pick unless you give me a really specific category, but to be honest even then depending on the genre I sometimes would give you a top 3 answer instead lol. So yea that basically allowed me to talk more about different shows and video games like Nier:Automata, Persona 5, Attack on Titan and other such.

Then out of nowhere we were made to play a game of Jan Ken Pon (rock paper scissors). There was a whole cafeteria sized table which was just stocked with prizes to be won. On the second round of the game, I actually won lolololol!!! So, I made my way to the table and I decided to take a Denji prize figure, it isn’t like a raffle where you know depending on which tier/rank you get you are limited to the amount of prizes, we could just honestly pick whatever thing we wanted. I debated on getting this cushion with one of the sensei faces on, I think he was like the head of animation at Zokei, but I was like you know what I think someone else should get it probably because it would probably mean more to them in a way idk but it was pretty amusing none the less to see that as a prize. As soon as I got my Denji figure I nearly immediately start to rub it into the face of Dom hahahaha, as a joke of course, but none the less it was a great triumph.

My rock paper scissor skills are elite

I’m glad I ended up going, there’s no reason not to give social events ago. Especially on student exchange, even if I feel nervous, I think people should always try to push themselves a bit out their comfort zones.

(Y)ou (O)nly (L)ive (O)nce

Later that week we talked about Golden Week during our Japanese classes, as well as learning the usual useful language technique/grammar. I’m really sad that these classes will be ending so soon, I genuinely enjoy these classes as well as learning Japanese language ☹. It’s always been a goal of mine to become fluent and to live long term in Japan. It’s so crazy that now I am living in Japan but still I think I want to stay here for an even longer term.

After class we asked our teacher if he wanted to come drinking with us at an izakaya, originally, he was but then when we arrived something came up, so he had to go home. However, Silvia, Matthijs, Dom and I decided to still go. This izakaya is right by the uni/train station. At this place I tried hot sake, it was kind of weird to try “hot” alcohol and I mean it was hot, like a nice cup of tea kinda hot lol.

It was such a nice evening~

I’ve noticed by my window that the plant outside is a rose tree. The pink roses are blossoming, when I saw them, it reminded me of myself. Of how so far, how I’ve grown, and feel more stable living in a foreign country, as well as other aspects of my personal life. I feel at peace.

Other notes:

I’ve found these crisps which are mentioned in this one mobile game I reallyyyyy liked, it called Mystic Messenger. I bought some and tried it, they were awful ☹! Like with sauce or put into a sandwich they are somewhat okay but by themselves?? Sorry 707 I cannot fathom, fictional or not, why they would want to eat that like every day.

On a separate separate note, it seems that its Mother’s Day in Japan (12th). So, I had to wish my mum a second happy Mother’s Day lololol. Before leaving for Japan, I bought her a Collin/Collette the Caterpillar cake (spa day themed) for her and my brothers to share. From the sounds of it they all seemed to like it.

Till next time ✌️😉

Byyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

-Iona

Song Playing: To the end - Blur

[bluecookiedisaster]

Anger, jealousy, lust.

Oh, my goodness! Are you OK?

Yeah.

- What is wrong with you?!

- It's a bug.

He's not bothering anybody.

Get out of here, you creep!

What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular?

Yeah, it was. How did you know?

It felt like about 10 pages.

Seventy-five is pretty much our limit.

You've really got that

down to a science.

- I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue.

- I'll bet.

What in the name

of Mighty Hercules is this?

How did this get here?

Oute Bee, Golden Blossom,

Ray Liotta Private Select?

- Is he that actor?

- I never heard of him.

- Why is this here?

- For people. We eat it.

You don't have

enough food of your own?

- Well, yes.

- How do you get it?

- Bees make it.

- I know who makes it!

And it's hard to make it!

There's heating, cooling, stirring.

You need a whole Krelman thing!

- It's organic.

- It's our-ganic!

It's just honey, Barry.

Just what?!

Bees don't know about this!

This is stealing! A lot of stealing!

You've taken our homes, schools,

hospitals! This is all we have!

And it's on sale?!

I'm getting to the bottom of this.

I'm getting to the bottom

of all of this!

Hey, Hector.

- You almost done?

- Almost.

He is here. I sense it.

Well, I guess I'll go home now

and just leave this nice honey out,

with no one around.

You're busted, box boy!

I knew I heard something.

So you can talk!

I can talk.

And now you'll start talking!

Where you getting the sweet stuff?

Who's your supplier?

I don't understand.

I thought we were friends.

The last thing we want

to do is upset bees!

You're too late! It's ours now!

You, sir, have crossed

the wrong sword!

You, sir, will be lunch

for my iguana, Ignacio!

Where is the honey coming from?

Tell me where!

Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms!

Orazy person!

What horrible thing has happened here?

These faces, they never knew

what hit them. And now

they're on the road to nowhere!

Just keep still.

What? You're not dead?

Do I look dead? They will wipe anything

that moves. Where you headed?

To Honey Farms.

I am onto something huge here.

I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood,

crazy stuff. Blows your head off!

I'm going to Tacoma.

- And you?

- He really is dead.

All right.

Uh-oh!

- What is that?!

- Oh, no!

- A wiper! Triple blade!

- Triple blade?

Jump on! It's your only chance, bee!

Why does everything have

to be so doggone clean?!

How much do you people need to see?!

Open your eyes!

Stick your head out the window!

From NPR News in Washington,

I'm Oarl Kasell.

But don't kill no more bugs!

- Bee!

- Moose blood guy!!

- You hear something?

- Like what?

Like tiny screaming.

Turn off the radio.

Whassup, bee boy?

Hey, Blood.

Just a row of honey jars,

as far as the eye could see.

Wow!

I assume wherever this truck goes

is where they're getting it.

I mean, that honey's ours.

- Bees hang tight.

- We're all jammed in.

It's a close community.

Not us, man. We on our own.

Every mosquito on his own.

- What if you get in trouble?

- You a mosquito, you in trouble.

Nobody likes us. They just smack.

See a mosquito, smack, smack!

At least you're out in the world.

You must meet girls.

Mosquito girls try to trade up,

get with a moth, dragonfly.

Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito.

You got to be kidding me!

Mooseblood's about to leave

the building! So long, bee!

- Hey, guys!

- Mooseblood!

I knew I'd catch y'all down here.

Did you bring your crazy straw?

We throw it in jars, slap a label on it,

and it's pretty much pure profit.

What is this place?

A bee's got a brain

the size of a pinhead.

They are pinheads!

Pinhead.

- Oheck out the new smoker.

- Oh, sweet. That's the one you want.

The Thomas 3000!

Smoker?

Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic.

Twice the nicotine, all the tar.

A couple breaths of this

knocks them right out.

They make the honey,

and we make the money.

"They make the honey,

and we make the money"?

Oh, my!

What's going on? Are you OK?

Yeah. It doesn't last too long.

Do you know you're

in a fake hive with fake walls?

Our queen was moved here.

We had no choice.

This is your queen?

That's a man in women's clothes!

That's a drag queen!

What is this?

Oh, no!

There's hundreds of them!

Bee honey.

Our honey is being brazenly stolen

on a massive scale!

This is worse than anything bears

have done! I intend to do something.

Oh, Barry, stop.

Who told you humans are taking

our honey? That's a rumor.

Do these look like rumors?

That's a conspiracy theory.

These are obviously doctored photos.

How did you get mixed up in this?

He's been talking to humans.

- What?

- Talking to humans?!

He has a human girlfriend.

And they make out!

Make out? Barry!

We do not.

- You wish you could.

- Whose side are you on?

The bees!

I dated a cricket once in San Antonio.

Those crazy legs kept me up all night.

glad that im not popular enough to have an evil shadow version of my blog that exists just to make contradictions on my posts

[introdemodev]

How’s da game going?????

Here’s an update on how things are going. It’s three pages long. Cool.

Update 1.0.4?

As of now, I’m deciding not to proceed with the update anymore. I don’t want to rush through anything and I want to focus on the full game. I am still planning on a Fall/Winter 2022 release, but it’s possible that it could be out by the beginning of 2023 instead.

1.0.4 was supposed to focus more on accessibility features and update some older artwork. With the former, I want to spend as much time with implementing those features and figure out what needs to be added. Which segues me into…

Accessibility Features

I was just talking about this!

Some lines of dialogue do not sound right when read with a voice reader, so I need to figure out how to have it read properly when that feature is enabled. I also want the player to be able to toggle captions for sound effects, music, and cues. There are minigames that involve decrypting a made-up alphabet, so I need to find a way to make that more accessible.

I don’t believe anything I listed above in this section is impossible to do, but it will take me a while to implement properly. It’s hard for me to wrap my head around coding and I have a hard time grasping things that are more ‘technical’. I find these features to be very important so I would rather not rush through them.

These features will be in the full game at launch (along with some others) and you will have the option to toggle them on and off.

Art

There’s a lot of artwork in Introdemo, which is one of the reasons why the file size for the demo was so big. That, and some music files. 

I’m trying to figure out ways to not make the final size for the full game be 100GB. Saving images as pngs, then optimizing the images in png gauntlet, then saving them as png-8s cuts down on a lot and there’s no quality or color loss either. Moving forward, I plan on working with a more limited color palette, utilizing webms more, and….I dunno, I’m still thinking of other ideas. 

I also plan on updating some background art + sprites, but this will be saved for last. I learned the hard way not to update sprites in the middle of development, haha…..

Writing

I was about to make a spoiler joke, but actually, I have a few things to say here.

In the survey, a critique that came up a few times was that there were some scenes that went on for a little too long. One scene in particular was when Fennel meets Clyde in the hallway. There’s a lot of fluff that needs to be cut out. I do like long set-ups, but it’s incredibly difficult to pull off. Also, I’m kinda rambly and I think that reflects in my writing. This post is two pages long so far. Wow!

There were some scenes I didn’t have time to put in the demo. For example, the bathroom scene plays out the same, no matter what. I always wanted that scene to be a ‘checkpoint’, if that makes sense. If you had more bad boy points than good boy points, it plays out differently. It should give you an idea of what choices you should be making if you want a good or bad ending.

Also, proofreading. I will make sure to proofread everything thoroughly this time. Until 1.0.3., I did not think to use writing or proofreading software to catch my mistakes. Very stupid, I know. Of course, a program isn’t going to catch all of my errors so I’ll try my best to look things over and maybe look into getting a beta reader.

Gameplay

Introdemo is primarily a visual demo, so there’s not much to say about that. You read. You click to advance to keep reading (or hit the spacebar or enter key). The end.

Though, there are minigames throughout Introdemo. You do have the option of not playing them and you will not be penalized for doing so. Though, you are rewarded for playing them (sometimes). Choosing to play or avoid minigames reveals different information about the story and characters.

Anyways, I’ll try to talk a little bit about what I have planned for the minigames….

Look it’s Fridge and Bear from Fridge and Bear! 

What does throwing eggs have to do with Introdemo????? I wanted to test out a drag and click feature since it’ll appear later in the game.

Darcy’s minigame will be getting revamped too. 

Concept for it was helping Darcy brainstorm ideas for his romance novel. Mad Libs, but with decadent vampires. It’s a fun idea but it doesn’t add anything to the game or to the story. Instead of allowing you to type whatever, you’ll have a set of options you can select now. The minigame will still be about helping Darcy brainstorm for his book, but it will be relevant to Introdemo’s story now.

I’m still working on how I want the decryption minigame to play out, so there’ll be more info about that in a future blog post.

I also want to add an inventory list to Introdemo. Fennel doesn’t use/carry enough items to justify a complex system, but I believe having a list will come in handy. This game will be long so the reader might forget what Fennel is in possession of.

Other Stuff…

The reproductive health drive is now over, and I want to thank everyone who contributed to it. Some money went to itch.io, so I will have to wait until my fees are processed so I can give you guys the final amount. I will also be pitching my own money in too. 

The art book will continue to be worked on alongside the demo and will be released with it.. Another thing I learned: you cannot create a book overnight, did you guys know that??? I didn’t, and I spent a week working on that rough draft trying to figure that out. 

The full will still be free but the art book will be NYOP (as long as it’s a dollar or more).

That’s it for now. I’m sure there are a few things I missed, but I’ll cover it later. I just wanted to catch everyone up on how the game is doing. I’m just starting to work on it again after taking a couple months off from it. 

I want to thank everyone again for playing or checking out this blog! Thank you thank you thank you.

[melzula]

Refined Taste

pairing: Zuko x Princess!reader

notes: an anon requested some more Iroh and Princess content so I delivered hehe

~ part of the fire lilies series ~

The soft whistle of the boiling tea pot is a welcomed sound that brings you a great sense of peace and comfort as you work in the kitchen of the Jasmine Dragon. Few customers occupy the shop as they sit and chat over cups of tea and mini cakes— a limited time only delicacy curtesy of the Chief of the Southern Water Tribe— and with a lull in the crowd after a very busy day at work, you’re happy to spend your free time chatting away with Iroh.

Today marked the fourth day of Zuko’s much needed slumber, so while you waited for him to wake you spent your time revisiting old friends and places in Ba Sing Se. You said hello to Miss Tai and bought three new dresses to help support her small business, you went out for a pleasant lunch date with Jin, and, something you were admittedly embarrassed about doing, you spent your evenings wistfully gazing out your window in hopes of spotting the Blue Spirit. It was odd being back in the place that held some of your happiest and some of your darkest memories, but you loved it all the same. During the day you made sure to check on Zuko as he slept, and when your presence was no longer needed you made yourself useful by helping Iroh run the Jasmine Dragon.

The events that had occurred in Yu Dao had almost been disastrous, but with the help of Katara and the residents of the colony Aang was finally able to see that Zuko had been right all along. You stayed on the sidelines just as you had told Zuko you would, it wasn’t your place to interfere, but now that things had settled and King Kue was willing to negotiate you would be attending the meeting as a representative for the South and to offer any aid you could. However, such a council could not take place until Zuko awoke, and so you found yourself in the company of Uncle Iroh.

“I don’t even want to imagine what my nephew’s life would be like without your courage and support,” Iroh says over the boiling water. “Thank you again for bringing him to me, y/n. Spirits know he wouldn’t have come on his own, he’s too stubborn.”

“Well, I did have some help from Aang,” you admit with a quiet laugh, “but you don’t need to thank me. I love Zuko, and I’ll always look out for his best interests.”

“So you’ve proven time and time again. He is lucky to have you, you know. Very lucky.”

“Thank you, Uncle,” you smile, gazing down bashfully at the sleeves of your dress. “But Zuko’s also lucky to have you.”

“He is lucky to have both of us. I mean, we are an excellent team,” Iroh says with a wink. Your shared laughter quiets at the sound of careful footsteps making their way into the room, and you feel your heart swell with love and adoration at the sight of a sleepy Zuko standing in the kitchen doorway.

“Well, look who finally decided to wake up!”

“Hi sleepyhead,” you say with a smile, rising from your seat to meet him halfway. Zuko is grateful for your touch as you rest a hand upon his cheek and press your lips against his own in a delicate kiss. You taste of honey and ginger, your intoxicating scent of fire lilies invading his senses, and though Zuko wishes he could kiss you with fervency, he settles for one last lingering kiss before finally parting from you; making out in front of his Uncle is something he’d rather not do, so he composes himself.

“How are you feeling?” Iroh asks, watching with an amused smile on his face as you and Zuko immediately cling to each other. Your arms wind around one another and hold each other close, and the love you share is enough to warm the old man’s heart. Yes, Zuko is in very good hands.

“Better,” Zuko notes faintly, “but tired.”

“I’ll make you a nice cup of green tea to wake you up a bit,” the man says as he immediately gets to work.

“Let’s go sit down,” you suggest, taking Zuko’s hand and guiding him towards one of the empty tables in the shop. He seats himself with a yawn and smiles gratefully as you take off your warm shawl and drape it over his shoulders before pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek. “Hungry? There’s still some mini cakes left over.”

“Are there any strawberry cakes?” He asks with a meek smile.

“But of course! What kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn’t make my boyfriend his favorite kind of mini cakes? I’ll be right back.”

“Thank you,” Zuko calls after your retreating form, hearts in his eyes as he watches you disappear behind the curtains. Would it be selfish of him to ask you to be his Fire Lady right now?

Iroh leaves the kitchen with a pot of tea just as you walk in to fetch Zuko his cake. You make sure to grab the one with the most strawberries and extra frosting, the way he likes it, and set it neatly onto a plate before returning to your beloved. Aang is now seated across from him, and so you say nothing as you place his food before him and sit down beside Zuko.

“—Since Roku’s my past life, in a way you’re my family, Zuko. And no matter how hard I’ve tried, I’ve never been able to detach myself from those sorts of bonds,” Aang laments. “It’s a flaw, I know, but it’s one I’ve decided to accept, for this life at least.”

“You’re not the one who’s flawed, Aang,” Zuko sighs. “Why can’t the struggle get easier for me? Even just a little? Sometimes I wonder how long I’ll last.”

He doesn’t meet your gaze when the confession leave his lips, but the way in which Zuko reaches over and tightly grabs hold of your hand is enough. Your heart breaks at his words and you desperately wish you could ease his pain and worries, but you know that being here by his side is enough for now. And you’ll be by his side whenever he needs you to be.

“You know, in that dream, a woman stood with us on that mountaintop watching from the shadows. I think she was my mother...”

“Sometimes, dreams are the way a person’s spirit reveals the answer to his own problems,” Iroh notes wisely. Then, with a humorous smile on his face, “but, then again, sometimes they are just the result of eating spicy food before going to bed.”

“Maybe finding my mother would connect me to a part of my heritage that isn’t so murky and confusing,” Zuko notes thoughtfully. “Maybe then I’d finally find peace. I’ve never told anyone this, but right after I became Fire Lord I sent out search party after search party looking for her. I even hired June and her shirshu. They all came back empty handed. What can I do now that I haven already tried?”

“It’s a new world, Zuko. You need to take some new risks,” Aang says wisely.

“We all do,” you agree, your mind already beginning to drift elsewhere as you calculate how long you can stay away from home without being missed too much.

“Speaking of risks,” Iroh cuts in with a smile as he presents three glass of odd looking to your trio, “why don’t you all try this brand-new beverage I invented?”

“What is it?” You ask curiously, taking the glass Zuko hands to you and swirling the odd looking balls at the bottom of it with your straw.

“Well first, I cook tapioca balls until they’re soft and tender. Then I put them in the tea, where they sit like little pearl-sized snacks at the bottom of each cup! Add a little milk and— ta-da!— a revolution in tea is born!”

Zuko and Aang share uneasy glances with each other before slowly taking sips from their glasses only to immediately cringe the moment the tapioca balls hit their their tongues.

“What is that trying to sneak into my mouth?!” Zuko exclaims after promptly spitting out the pearls.

“Wow,” Aang chuckles nervously, “I’ve never had tea that’s quite so... chewy.”

“It seems I am a man ahead of my time,” Iroh says sadly, his eyes casted downward to the floor. However, the noisy sound of a straw directs all attention towards the smiling Princess and interrupts his bout of sadness. Oblivious to the gazes of your friends set upon you, you happily suck the last of your tea from the glass until it’s completely empty. It’s only once your drink is gone do you finally notice the strange looks sent your way by Zuko and Aang.

“What?” You retort with furrowed brows. “It’s really good.”

“Finally, someone with taste!” Iroh exclaims happily at your praise. “It appears I am a revolutionary after all.”

“You actually like that stuff?” Zuko says flabbergasted.

“It’s just tea, but different,” you shrug, grinning when Zuko hands you his leftover drink to finish for him. “However, the only thing I would add is some ice. It tastes better cold.”

“Genius!” The tea maker compliments, watching in awe as you bend ice cubes of your own to plop into the glass. “Y/n, you must come to the Jasmine Dragon more often, I could use your refined taste.”

“‘Refined’ is a strong word,” Zuko murmurs only for you to elbow his side. “Ow! What did I say?”

“I’d be happy to, Uncle,” you say with a sweet smile.

“I think I know who the new favorite is,” Aang jokes only for Zuko to roll his eyes. However, he can’t help the smile that grows on his face as he watches you and his Uncle interact together. It was safe to say you hadn’t made a good impression on his sister or his father, but the only thing Zuko really cared about was his Uncle, and from what he could see the two of you were like peas in a pod. Faintly, Zuko wondered if you would be the same way with his mother.

“What are you thinking about?” You whisper to the Fire Lord, immediately taking notice of his far off look.

“About you,” Zuko admits to your surprise, “and how much I love you. And how I’m really glad you’re here.”

Heat spreads its way across your face and you smile bashfully at his profession, resting your head upon his shoulder as you converse with Aang. Though Zuko hates to keep you away from home longer than you need to be, he knows he’ll need your help with something else. But before he can ask you, there’s one person he still needs to see before he can begin his next journey.

He needs to talk to Azula.

| tags: @rainteslerrrr @simpinforsukka @sirkekselord @protect-remus @oddment-niwit-blubber-tweak @thebluelcdy @royahllty @the-firebender-girl @coldlilheart @ilovespideyyy @yiyibetch @eridanuswave @lammello @a-monsters-love @knaite-solo @draqondance @taeeemin @user12345321 @just--artemis--with--ghost @titaniafire @dekahg @emberislandplayers @kikaninchen-2 @lozzybowe @izzieserra @melacholy @music-geek19 @thia-aep @thyunnamed @haylaansmi @nataliahaslosthershit @idkdude776 @aangsupremacy @thirstyforsometea @ihaveaproblem98 @brown-eyed-thang @djskfkdkkf @xapham @yeetletzgetitjae @misnmatchedsox @chewymoustachio @that-bucket-hat-gal @chilifrylizard2 @kyomihann @kaylove12 @kiwihoee @freggietale @neighborhoodpansexualdisaster @noodlesfluffy @moon-spirit-yue @bubblegum-bee-otch

[spencersmagic]

Communication

Summary: When Spencer accidentally hurts reader, he finds himself spiralling.

Couple: soft dom! spencer x fem! reader

Category: fluff, tiny bit of angst, drabble, one-shot

Warnings: Love that will make you feel very lonely, making out, allusions to sexual intercourse, vague allusions to sexual assault, bit of a size kink.

Word count: 2.7k

A/N: I AM UHHHH NEW TO WRITING ONE SHOTS SO MY DMS ARE OPEN IF ANYBODY HAS ANY COMMENTS OR TIPS ON HOW TO IMPROVE MY WRITING.

Also, this is the most self-indulgent thing I’ve ever written so bear with me.

NOW, READ ON, BABES.

masterlist here!!

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"Honey! I'm home!" you heard Spencer's voice booming from the front door. After a long day, though well spent studying for the upcoming finals week, you craved your sweet boy's touch like it was the only thing you knew.

You rush downstairs to get a much-needed hug, crashing into his tall frame, his long arms engulfing you. It was times like these where you appreciated the height difference; he made you feel incredibly safe.

"Wow, sweetheart! So eager… Did you miss me?" he suggests, teasingly. You nuzzle your face into the crook of his neck and hug him tighter. He feels your cheeks get warmer against his skin and smirks at your reaction. He always loved how reactive you are to him - as if you were made exclusively for his touch.

He also loved seeing your skin flush with embarrassment. He found it sweet (and incredibly sexy).

Feeling intrigued, he holds you a little bit tighter while closing his eyes (he always said his favorite place in the world was "as close to Y/N as he can"), then looks down at you with a slight laugh.

"Use your words, baby," he teases lovingly, watching and absorbing every micro-expression that goes through your face. Your lips twitch, your eyes squint the slightest bit, and your eyebrows furrow slightly. he doesn’t need to be a profiler to know that you're intrigued by where this is going, but it certainly helps. He also can't help but notice how you press your thighs against each other, involuntarily looking for some kind of release.

Finally, you look at him through your lashes and give him a shy smile, and that's all he needs. His hand eagerly tugs at your hair and pulls you towards him, attacking your lips aggressively. You respond quickly, grabbing his face by the sides. His cheekbones are prominent against your hands, and you pull him even closer to you. He grunts into your lips, loving your eagerness, but corrects you by giving you a harsh slap on the ass. You moan into his lips, loving how quickly he can switch from this sweet, innocent boy to the aggressive man that had your panties soaking. Granted, you always found him attractive but right now, you craved his firm touch. He quickly pulled your face away, grabbed your face with, smushing your cheeks together and making you pucker out your lips. His breath fanned over your face, still enjoying the closeness that you two were a part of. "Careful, baby. Don't wanna get too desperate, do we?" he mocked. You couldn’t help but let out a breathy whine. He chuckled darkly.

His fingers let go of your face, walking you to the kitchen counter without pulling away from you. He grabs you by the hips and lifts you to the counter, leaving you both at the same level, making it easier for you to kiss. Once you're settled on the counter, he grabs your face again and crashes your lips against his again. You make sure, for a split second, to remember how lucky you are to be living this moment with the man you love to death. Less than half an hour ago, you were pulling on your hair anxiously, dreading the idea of having finals week so early.

You also consider licking his lower lip as a suggestion to get more intimate. However, you know better than to push more limits than you already have.

He breaks away quickly, both of your breaths heavy against the deafening silence settled in the flat. He grabs the hem of your shirt. "is this okay?" he mutters, always keeping respectful, even in the most challenging situations. You bite your swollen lip and nod. He eagerly pulls the shirt over your head, eyes fixating quickly on your breasts, which you had decided to leave bare today. The corners of his lips twitch slightly, and his mouth quickly latches onto your left breast.

Something you had forgotten to mention to Spencer in the seven months of your relationship, only two of those living together, was that when you're going to have your period, your breasts swell. It has a positive side, which is that your smaller-than-average breasts enlargen, which is something you always looked forward to. However, the negative side of it is that they tend to be extremely sensitive, sometimes even hurting at the slightest touch.

Another fun fact that you had deliberately decided not to mention was that, at the beginning of your sexual journey, which had forcibly started at a very young age, you had learned rather quickly that saying no isn't something that often helps. Saying no, followed by the other person continuing, just made you panic more. You had learned never to say no, even when you were uncomfortable because that made it easier for you to handle it. Saying no and having the other person ignore your pleas felt ridiculous. Pathetic, even. It was a weird thought process, but it made everything easier to cope with.

Plus, your body language usually was enough to tell Spencer you were uncomfortable. However, he was too into it to notice, figuring you'd say something if you felt uncomfortable. Plus, he had sucked on your tits countless times before – something that would make him relax when he was stressed. Why would it be a problem now?

These were the reasons why, when Spencer's mouth latched onto your breast, you closed your eyes sharply, as if trying to brace yourself from something that had already happened. You bite your lip, this time trying to control any whimpers that might escape you, aching to tell on you. You look down to see his eyes closed, concentrating solely on bringing attention to your breasts. "He looks lovely," you think. As pretentious or as selfish as it sounds, he does look gorgeous with his eyebrows knit together, concentrating so intensely. You wish you could enjoy this moment, so you fake it for now.

However, it doesn't help when his hand reaches up to pinch your right nipple. Unaware that that was going to happen, you whimper and instinctively move away from his touch. At first, he doesn't realize, too concentrated to even fathom, that you aren't enjoying it. But, when he graces his thumb over your nipple bud, flicking it, you move away again.

He opens his eyes and pulls away from you, confused as to why you would pull away when he sees your tear-welled eyes and hardened expression. Trying to understand a bit more, he takes a glance at your breasts and notices how red they are. He also abruptly realizes that they look larger than usual.

His intense gaze catches my eyes again, and mine cower away, not wanting to confront the situation at all.

"What's wron-" you interrupt him. "I'm fine. You can keep going." You follow the relatively simple explanation with a little smile, which would typically set his worries aside, but he knows there's something wrong. He's a profiler, for Heavens' sake. You allow his eyes to wander around your face for a short while, trying to figure you out. Over 90% of communication is non-verbal, and he knew this.

As he gets nothing out of you, he sighs and proceeds to pick you up from the kitchen counter and carry you to the sofa. He loved holding you like this, calling you his Koala bear since you attach to him with a firm grip every time he does so, and you enjoyed being handled in such a way.

He sits you down on his lap. He considers physical closeness to be vital in order to foment emotional intimacy and understanding, which is why he tries to keep you so close at all times. He is afraid to lose you.

"What's the matter, my love?" he whispers, drawing circles around your body with his touch.

Usually, he would've taken a different route when seeing you get emotional; he would be much more direct and open and ask firm questions. However, seeing how you were reacting to his touch, he knows this will be a deeper conversation. He sets aside his needs, trying to ignore the throb in his crotch, and looks up at you. He notices that a few tears have overflown your beautiful, bright eyes, and your cheeks are glowing pink. His guess is, you don't want to bother him.

You tend to feel like a bother, and he does his best to make you know that he is here for the long haul. However, it is difficult to fight against yourself.

"Uhmm…" you shuffle nervously. "I'm going to have my period soon, I guess, and my uhmm breasts get very sensitive." You whisper, taking a pause to chew on the inside of your cheek.

His heart swells at your nervous stance. Normally, you wouldn't be so nervous, considering you're both switches and you certainly took a liking in having Dr. Reid submit to you, eyes glossy and lip between his teeth, hands flailing all around the bed desperate to grab something, and the tiniest whimpers leaving his lips when he is at his most vulnerable, desperately trying to be a good boy for you. You were used to taking control over him. However, you couldn’t help but feel vulnerable at the situation.

To be fair, he adores you more than he ever thought he could adore anybody. Every little thing you did – whether it was chewing on your lips nervously, fidgeting, the little giggle you would emit when he took you by surprise, either kissing you or hugging you at some event, how your eyebrows would furrow the slightest in confusion when studying for one of your university classes... Everything you did made his heart swell, and his stomach turn the slightest, as of begging Spence not to fuck this relationship up.

Which is what he is worried about now. Had he pressured you? Was he hurting you? How come you wouldn't say anything? His mind was going at a thousand miles per hour until it landed on one last question.

Had this happened before?

The idea of cherishing an intimate memory such as the ones you've had, only to turn out to only be pleasurable to him and even uncomfortable – nay – painful for you made him sick.

His eyes widen, looking for a sign of anything on her nervous face. Her eyes shoot up, her tear-streaked eyes meeting his glossy ones. Her mouth opens to break the silence but is quickly interrupted by Spencer, doing the one thing he truly knows he's good at.  

"Cyclical mastalgia is very common among women. After all, the fluctuating hormone levels cause the breast ducts to enlarge and milk glands to swell…" he ponders, not realizing how weird what he just said is. You give him a little chuckle, trying to relieve some of the tension that had been formed. "I am so sorry, baby. Was I hurting you? Is there anything I can do about it?" he says, grabbing you by the hips and carrying you back to the kitchen to grab your shirt. He sets you down and lets you put it on yourself, afraid to hurt you any more than he already has.

Normally, you wouldn't become so emotional or shy when confronting a situation like this one, but given your history with men on this particular subject, and the fact that you have been craving his touch all day, even in the most innocent ways, you're feeling a little bit uncomfortable and lonely.

You sigh, "yes, I'm fine. I told you, we can continue," you say, slightly worried. The truth is, you've never been great at opening up and, due to the recency of this relationship, it was incredibly hard for you to put down your walls. You didn't want to put any extra pressure on him, afraid that he'd leave.

"No, no… I need to know more. Has this happened before?" his wide eyes roam your face, trying to make sense of this, but his mind is too clouded to understand anything. His eyes don't stop, and you know his mind is going at a thousand miles per hour. He screws his eyes shut and licks his lips nervously, and you know he's officially going worst-case scenario on this, so you quickly grab his face between your hands, bringing him back to you. You are successful in doing so because his features relax, and he focuses on your own tear-streaked eyes. The fear in his face is prominent, and it's backed up by what he says next.  

"Have I hurt you before?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Spencer. You're not hurting me. You could never hurt me," you say hurriedly. You run your thumbs over his cheekbones, trying to ease the tension with a light chuckle. He shifts a little, pressing his face into your hands instinctively. It proves to be helpful, but not enough for him to drop the subject. You sigh.

"I mean it. I love you " you give him a quick peck. His face softens but still doesn't budge.

"Don't fuck with me, Y/N," he says with an angry tone, mostly at himself. You know this, but you can't help but shrink a little bit in your seat.

"Okay, okay…" you sigh. "You remember Richard, right?" you whisper, mentioning your ex-boyfriend. His facial expressions harden at the name, but he nods anyway, somewhat aware of where this was going.

"Well, when we were going out, he was very… possessive. But not in a good way," you started. "He would treat me like his property; he wouldn't let me wear what I wanted, go out when I wanted, or even stay in studying when he wanted to go out. I was to be his, and his only" You recited that last part as if it had been engraved into your brain from the repetition of hearing it. "I couldn't deny him of what was his. Not ever".

He immediately understood what you meant.

Spencer didn't like the feeling that rose to his chest and extended through his arms, or the tingling sensation on his knuckles, begging for him to give this 'Richard' a piece of his mind. But he especially didn't like the knot that formed under his diaphragm, which extended to his fingers, craving her touch. He didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable, so he limited himself to brushing away the loose strands of hair that had gotten in her face.

"I don't think I could ever stop loving you," he thinks to himself, heartstrings tugging at his tongue.

"Y/N…" he sighs, "you can tell me at any point if you're uncomfortable, in pain, or just don't feel like engaging in any sort of activity – sexual or otherwise," he says, and gives you a small, reassuring smile, "I love you, and I want you to be happy and enjoy this relationship as much as I do," he says, eyes roaming around your face, trying to understand your reactions. His eyes finally land on you. "Please, never hide something like this from me again," he pleads. You break down, not knowing what else to do but nod, eyes filled with tears.

"I'm gonna need you to say it, though," he said, breaking out his dom voice "use your words, sweetheart" he taps your lower lip as an invitation. You shrink even further into him and nod again. "I promise, I will tell you if I'm ever uncomfortable and don't want to continue." He smiled and pulled you into his warm embrace, which you appreciated. You wanted to be as close to him as you possibly could.

"How did I get so lucky to have you?" you whisper, more to yourself than to him. He smiles and, even though you can't see him, you should know that the look of sheer and pure love that's plastered onto his face is all for you. You're his world.

He smiles, grabs your hand, and kisses it. "And" he pauses, giving you a joking smirk, "if you want to, I could go over and give Richard a little something to chew on. I could even flash my badge and gun?" he considered, secretly wanting you to say yes. No matter how dominant or submissive he was able to be, he doesn't think the twitching of his knuckles would ever cease.

But, to no luck, you shook your head, cuddling into his chest. You melted into him, feeling content. Like a bad chapter of your life had ended with the words you interchanged with the lovely man in front of you. His arms enveloped you into him, very much like earlier when he had gotten home.

"Alright then," he whispered into your hair. He couldn't help but kiss the top of your head. His heart absolutely fluttered at your closeness to him. So, what about some cuddles and a Harry Potter marathon, huh?".

[idga-buck]

use somebody || eight

pairing: harry x plus-size!reader

word count: 2,000

warnings: swearing

summary: the morning after, wink

challenge: @baezen​‘s the Other Guys Writing Challenge

previous // masterlist  // next

Harry woke the next morning to the sight of your back turned toward him, sleeping half on your stomach while clutching a pillow. Your hair was a mess, but he didn’t hesitate to brush some of it away, making room for his fingers to slide up the back of your neck. It was just enough movement for you to stir, turning to face him without opening your eyes.

“Good Morning, sunshine,” he whispered, shuffling his body across the mattress until you were close enough to hold. You responded, not with words, but by throwing one of your arms around his back, fingers immediately finding the hem of his t shirt to slip under. Your palm was a welcome warmth against bare skin. He smiled to himself and leaned in to press his lips between your eyebrows, chuckling to himself when they furrowed and tickled his nose. He hadn’t planned to fall back asleep, but with your fingers making tight little circles against his back and your breath warming his chin, the boy was out cold again in a matter of minutes.

Harry failed to savor the feeling of waking up next to someone, without the stink of regret or confusion spoiling the sweetness. So he wasn’t surprised to find himself alone in bed when he woke the second time that morning. When wandered out of your bedroom, he found you sitting cross legged on the couch in front of him, shorts riding up your thighs to reveal light dimples that would look better with his fingers digging into them as he-

“Hey, hey,” you called out, pulling from what was about to become a very saucy daydream. Fuck. He was a man with his fair share of morning wood experiences, but this level of fantasizing this early in the day was new. He tilted his chin up in a silent greeting and ambled over to join you, falling into you and the thick brown cushions like a rag doll. You fought the intrusion momentarily, but soon gave in and Harry sunk deeper into an unexpected comfort as his head landed against your thigh.

“You gonna run away to work again?” He asked casually, taking his time to get comfortable with one of his leg thrown over the back of the couch, the other bent at the knee with his foot on the floor.

“Comfy?” You looked down at him in an easily dissolved annoyance. He shifted once, mm twice more, before giving you a sarcastic thumbs up and folding his hands on his chest, head tilted back at an almost uncomfortable angle to smile up at you. You rolled your eyes, but answered him anyway. “No, not this time. I actually have the weekend off.” Harry’s face must have lit up like a child’s. The next thing he knew, you were laughing and he was launching himself off the sofa. “So now you’re leaving?” You called out after him as he made his way back into your bedroom.

“Yep,” he answered, spinning in his socks to find you up and following him around the corner. “But you’re coming too.”

“Am I?”

Harry was already pulling his jeans back on when you entered the room. Without him answering, you walked right through the bathroom and into the large closet on the other side, presumably to join him in the land of the clothed. When he was dressed, he started toward the bathroom before thinking better of it. He’d made himself quite comfortable in your presence already, but watching you get dressed for the day felt like skipping a few steps. Even if you hadn’t turned down any of his affection yet. At least not yet that day. You had the first time you slept together, but something felt different about last night. Harry didn’t spend too much time thinking about it, solely focused on making sure it happened again. Soon.

“Yeah,” he projected from his seat on the bed. Boy that felt familiar, but also brand new. “I gotta place near here, best burritos you’ve ever had in your life.” His promise echoed through the bathroom and soon you emerged, half dressed and looking at him like a mad man.

“You’re taking me out?”

Harry shrugged. “I’m hungry and I owe you a meal, maybe a couple.”

“You don’t owe me anythi-“

“Fine,” he stood and crossed the room, stopping in front of you with his hands on your arms. “I want to take you out. Is that okay with you?” He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so bold with a woman, but really is it bold when you’ve been dancing around each other for as long as you had?

You pondered the question for longer than he expected, but the second his grin started to wither in worry, your smile returned and brought his back to life. “Fine, I’d like that-“

“Great!”

“But I have to burst your bubble.” Harry frowned and gave you a hard look. “Wherever you think we’re going, I know a place with better burritos.”

“No way, José,” he said in an accent so awkward he physically cringed. “Besides, you don’t know where we’re going, it might be the same place.”

You looked at the shoes on his feet and shook your head. “We’re definitely not talking about the same place.” Without another word, you slipped by, leaving him alone in your bedroom and so so confused.

Harry found you standing in your kitchen, feet still bare as you stood halfway between the island and the refrigerator, shuffling ingredients from one hand to the other. He looked around the airy space, almost entirely white yet still homey and welcoming. “There is no way you cook in here.”

“Who do you think does it, then?” Your smile is real and it’s taunting him and Harry finds himself fresh out of clever quips, so he slides a wicker top stool to the other side of the island and makes himself comfortable. You work so efficiently, he has no room to argue with you. 

“Okay,” you turn to face him with a serious expression that makes him straighten in his seat. “I have to warn you, it’s so good, that you’ll probably fall in love with me.” His laughter carried across the counter. “I mean it,” you were trying not to smile, but it wasn’t working. “-but try to remember, Harry... it’s just your stomach, not your heart, okay?”

Clearly you are very comfortable in the kitchen, but it goes beyond that. Knife skills he’s only seen on tv, the blade rocking expertly over the thick butcher block as you feed green onions and red peppers under every quick pass with your fingers tucked for safety. When you ask if he wants breakfast or lunch and he says both, he stands to watch up close as you crack eggs into a bright green mixing bowl with one hand. Chopsticks are in the second drawer to his left, or so you tell him, gesturing with your elbow as you pull cheese and butter from the fridge. Harry is your beautiful assistant as you perform culinary magic on the gas burner. It clicks to life with a blue glow and the vegetables smell like heaven and you’re using the chopsticks to beat the eggs into the smallest fluffiest curd he’s ever seen and his hands are meeting yours on a plate to wrap a wide tortilla around everything that’s sliding out of your pan. You won’t let him eat until there’s a handsome pour of salsa over the dish and you’ve grated more cheese directly onto it. He doesn’t even see where you pull fresh parsley from, but he can smell it as your fingers tear leaves from stem in a garnish that shouldn’t look so at home on something as simple as a breakfast burrito. You spin the squared off plate on the counter and it stops in front of him. Again. Magic.

“I can’t eat this with my hands though,” he complains half heartedly and your eyes roll so hard he wonders how many of his jokes he can risk before your eyes are stuck in the back of your head. Without a word, the beautiful plate before him slides away and another appears with a jar of label free salsa on the side. “Much better.”

Harry joins you at the round dining table halfway between your kitchen and living room and dammit it all if you weren’t right. It’s the best burrito he’s ever had in his life, but with eggs and cheese, adding a gooeyness so decadent and delicious he doesn’t even notice the lack of meat. He doesn’t bother trying to mask his moans and feels little shame over palming his breakfast, stretching his neck out over the table so any droppings land on his plate instead of his lap. You don’t seem put off by it and even reach across to wipe something from higher on his cheek than the food should have been able to reach.

You’re a chef, he finally knows what you do for a living and it all comes together. How picky you were over Darius’ kitchen, how comfortable you were in your own. Even the connections you had at Taix, it fits. Harry isn’t pleased that it’s taken him this long to ask, but the big reveal is so delicious he quickly decides he doesn’t care. You laugh when he applauds your performance and you admit that it’s not always like that. In a kitchen, you don’t have time to plate or play, someone else does that and lately, you haven’t had an audience at all. He asks if you were showing off a bit and you don’t have to say anything for him to know it’s true. The suddenly meek way you look away from him is enough. It’s not what he’s come to expect from you, but he likes this part too. He can’t tell if it’s because you like him or because you love what you do. Maybe both. He hopes for both.

It’s probably rude, definitely tacky, but he’s already been naked for you, so he doesn’t think asking about the money is really off limits, but you stiffen slightly before answering. The answer is comfortable, like you’re happy to talk about it, but something is off. Maybe the way he asked?

“I’ve worked in… shit a lot of your big kitchens in town, under a lot of big names, talented guys. I appreciate it,” you said softly and he almost believed you. “But you don’t make anything for yourself when someone else’s name is on your coat, you know? It’ll always be Wolfgang Puck’s food, but they were my hands.” Oh, wow. You weren’t kidding about the big names. “So I left the commercial business a couple years ago.” Harry asked you to go on and learned that you were a personal chef. Obviously making great money and feeding some of LA’s pickiest eaters without all the flash. You took meetings with their fancy nutritionists, spiritualists, whoever, made up their meal plans, prepped dishes for them every week, and ran a whole business out of your own home. Very clearly out of his league.

“Anyone I know?” He asked, wiggling his eyebrows and running his hip into yours as you loaded the dishwasher.

“I can’t tell you that,” you checked him back before bending slightly to add detergent. Harry dried his hands on a towel that he tossed lazily onto the counter before stepping up behind you. Your little jump at the surprise only pushed your ass into him and made him groan. Hands on your hips and back, Harry leaned over you, letting you feel all of him on your back. “Harry…”

“What?” He asked innocently, straightening himself out to follow your lead, but without fully removing himself from your body. His lips were on the side of your face, hands rubbing everything he could reach and despite the warning tone you used with him, he felt you leaning back into him, felt your fingers dig into his legs.

“Don’t you have to go soon?” You asked, but it was a breathless question as you guided one of his hands under your shirt to your chest. No bra this time and Harry fell forward, catching himself on your counter with his other hand to trap you between him and the white cupboard, squeezing and playing and letting the sounds of your quiet sigh spur him on. 

“What if I want to stay?” He asked into your shoulder and you turned to face him, his hand still in place up the front of your shirt, mouth now hovering over yours.

“Then stay.”

[because-we-are-simple-memories]

Alright, time to sit down and write about my relationship that lasted all of 6 months and came to a very abrupt end. In November, I really wanted to break up with him, I should’ve done it, but I had hope for us.

20 years ago, I meet these two guys, Alex and Tim. I was conceited, and I was chubby (still am chubby). 😂 I chose Alex, but remained friends with Tim. Alex ends up in jail for a few months and Tim and I connected. By the way, Tim and Alex knew each other, they went to the same high school and absolutely hated each other. When Alex and I broke up, Tim and I had decided to give it a shot, since he said he still loved me. Well, on our first official date, Alex shows up and ruins the whole thing. Tim got upset and thought I was going to go back with Alex. That led to Tim completely ghosting me. Fast forward 20 years (last year, 2020) and Tim and I cross paths again on social media. He mentions how much he loved me and still has feelings for me and of course I always wondered, “What If?” all this time. So we decide to make a go of it in September 2020. Let me tell y’all, it’d been a while since I’d been with a man. I didn’t want to rush into things but I also felt like I knew Tim. We’d been talking for months, he knew all my secrets and well, I didn’t know much of his. He was very quiet and very distant. Oh, but my foolish heart and my brainwashed mind were saying, “we can fix him, we will make him feel again”, who the fuck do I think I am?!? So I look past all the red flags...like when he would tell me, “I still love you”, to get me to agree to sex. I know...PATHETIC!!🙄 But my dumb ass fell for the Bullshit. Which I 100% blame on my lack of confidence. We didn’t spend a single holiday together, thanksgiving, my birthday, Christmas, NYE and Valentines all went uncelebrated. No gifts just a verbal acknowledgment of whatever holiday we were on. He is a zero effort man...the sex, well, it was lousy. Being that he himself is large and I mean large as in morbidly obese, I’m not judging, I loved the idiot! So, he’s a big guy but his 🍆 isn’t. It’s very short and not very wide either. It was a major disappointment but I had hope. He bought us a vibrator, but he’s a cheap person so he bought a cheap vibrator that did nothing for me. I think he got the hint because it stayed boxed away in his closet. And then here’s when my suspicion started to grow, we’re having sex and he busts out a penis extender, for those that don’t know, it’s a hollow penis that is suppose to suction on to the penis. However, he could never get it to work. But the few times he tried to use it got me close to feeling aroused, but then he’d get frustrated and stop using it. I ask him about this new toy of his, “hey babe, when’s you get that penis extender?” and he replied “a few months back, like in July or August”. I always had a sneaking suspicion he wasn’t faithful, there never was proof, it was just my suspicions. So, because of the size of his stomach and the smallness of his penis, sex positions were limited. So, listen to this...one day we’re having sex, he would call it, “making love”, and he has a huge orgasm and stops. I tell him, “I didn’t cum” and his reply...his cocky ass says, “you came a bunch of times the other day!” Um excuse me!?! I should mention, I’m 40 and he’s 42 and we both have lupus, I survived stage 3 Uterine Cancer and he survived a major car wreck that led to him having more metal than bone in his body. None the less, this grown ass man still couldn’t tell when a woman wasn’t satisfied. Above all, he was a narcissist and I fell victim to it. He had me so scared of losing him. He had me apologizing to the most stupid random crap. I despise that I fell victim to another narcissist but I feel like I’m walking away with more clarity. My time with Tim was short, here I thought he was “the one that got away” and instead he turned out to be a coward. Back in January he tells me that his friend has covid and he was exposed so he needed to quarantine. I was worried about this “man”! So here we are at the end of February and we haven’t seen each other in 6 weeks. I noticed him getting distant, but I thought it was because he was sick. Nope! I’m not sure if he even was sick. Turns out his ex from 2 years ago contacted him.

His ex told him he has an 18 month old daughter. He didn’t believe it so he had a DNA test done and he’s the father. He tells me this on Monday and tells me that we’ll talk later that night. Later that night, he texts me that he’s on his way home. Then he texts me that he’s home and he’s going to shower but he’s exhausted so he’ll text me tomorrow. Well tomorrow was yesterday and not a single fucking word from him. Nothing! I’d show you screen shots, but I’m embarrassed of my messages to this man. 20 years later and he’s still a fucking coward. Today I sent him a short letter letting him know I didn’t regret anything, it was all a lesson, I wish him well. I honestly do, but it should go without saying that I do hate him a tiny bit. He knew for a whole month and he said absolutely nothing to me! That’s what kills me, that I overlooked things about him because I believed his lies. This is a man whose ass crack was on constant display because his shirts were too small. Damn fucking coward! Realizing that has definitely helped me move past the hurt and realize my worth. I lowered my worth for a man who didn’t deserve any part of me. I had built my walls so high, then he comes in tearing them down and letting me let my guard down and he took that and shit all over it! I cried a lot more than I wanted to, but I reminded myself of his actions and words and I snapped myself out of it. He preys on broken women, women who barely have a shred of dignity left, women who have been beat down by society, family, friends and strangers, women who are at their breaking point. I didn’t want that to be me, so I’m glad I have closure. And yes, I’m only human, so a small part of me wonders if he cared, even just a little. At the end of the day, I know my tried and true people have my back and even at 40, I can say, “I want my Mommy!” 😭with tears pouring down my face and she’ll be right there wrapping her arms around me, helping me mend a 💔 . So Tim, thanks for the lesson, I really should’ve broken up with you back in November!

One day, all of this will be a distant memory. My memories of Tim from our 20s have changed, because now I know what if and now I know he’s a coward. Too much of a coward to tell me he’s probably getting back with his ex. Let them be happy, I’m free! I’m a wild spirit that needs to travel and see the world and Tim’s interests are bad sex, eating his weight in cookie dough, watching tv & sleeping all day and night. Wow! Writing all that out really makes me sick. Why did I think he was what I want or need!?! KNOW YOUR WORTH!!!!

[spacegirlinorbit]

Fooling You? Series

Chapter 3: The three musketeers meet the fourth

Warnings: swearing

Fooling You Masterlist

(All rights to the characters belong to J.K. Rowling. I just own the story)

Song: woman by Andreya Triana

Chapter 3: The three musketeers meet the fourth

———————————————————————–

Feeling the warm embracement of the sun and newfound fresh air of this breathtaking view was unbelievable. I can’t believe I will be living here for the next couple of years. I feel utterly nervous as I look towards hogwarts in its massive size.

Then it hits me.

I am going to have to start over. It was easy back when I first arrived to Ilvermorny. Everyone was young and new so making them believe my cover story was simple. Now, I’m going to have to try and blend in with an older crowd and explain my self with a bit more confidence and detail I don’t know if I have. I feel like throwing up as the nerves turns to anxiety and stress. I can feel my heart in its harsh rhythm of ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-

“Miss. Y/l/n.” I hear and the sound my heart fades from ears and I turn slowly to the headmaster. I look up at him and do my best to not seem as anxious as I feel. “Welcome to Hogwarts. Let’s get you settled.”

He tells me and hearing his calm voice allows me to reign my feelings in. 

“Thank you.” I say quietly and we make our way up the steps and inside Hogwarts. 

We reach his office which is enormous in size, but I shouldn’t have expected less for the headmaster. There is bookshelves filled to the brim with every size and color of books and every now and then a knick-knack or two, paintings of scenery’s that move in memory and portraits of people that I assume are famous here. Then what surprises me the most is that there is a phoenix on its own pedestal that dies and comes back to life. 

“Ah yes. You caught eye of Fawkes. He has a dramatic flair as he gets older for bursting into flames and then rebirths himself anew from his ashes.” He shares with me. 

“Why does he do that?” I ask curious to know why the phoenix finds it necessary.

“Why? To keep up his immortality...or so he tells me.” He says in a matter of fact kind of way trying to humor me. “Please have a seat.” I walk up the steps and have a seat in an wooden leather cased chair before his desk. 

“As we walked in, I’m sure you remember seeing our Head Boy and Head Girl greet us and take your bags to your room. We have accommodated you a room with three other bright students here at Hogwarts.” He says with a smile. “After reviewing your file, I thought it wasn’t necessary to have you go through the hat ceremony and decided you’d be fit for Gryffindor.”

“Gryffindor?” I ask unaware of the customs here.

“Ah yes. We have four houses like yours at Ilvermorny. Here we have Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, and Slytherin. Mostly distinct by their robe color and mascot.”

”Really? That’s cool.” I gleam. Hogwarts is not so different after all. Maybe I shouldn’t be too nervous.

“Once you have settled in your room. Your roommates can take you on a tour of the school and help you get settled. I have here a paper of your schedule. Just ask the students with anything you might have questions on regarding the class and please don’t hesitate to ask me anything.” He handed me a parchment of paper that has my classes and time printed on it for the week.

“I do have one question.” I say and I can feel the anxiety bubble up in my body. “Can you tell me when I can travel overseas? Being in Scotland is a lot closer to Austria where my mother is buried. I would like to visit her grave sometime.” 

He didn’t seem too fazed by the question and instead showed me sympathy in his eyes. “I would gladly provide you with permission anytime you’d like but I believe traveling on the weekends is best and we do have annual holidays as well that you won’t need permission to go overseas.”

“Thank you.” I say and give a small smile back. It was never ideal travel for me when I was at Ilvermorny and permission and time was limited, but now that I’m a lot closer to home I don’t think it would be much a problem now and I was right.

“Right. Well I also have here a small pamphlet and some papers on how things work around here, like mealtimes and curfews. There should also be a list of activities that take place here at school, you know sports events and clubs. Then the school holidays and events.” He hands the papers and I glance over them. “I must say being a transfer student this late in the school year is not all that bad and you’re not the only one. Let’s get you to your room, shall we?” He questions chirpily and smiles brightly as he stands and I follow after him. We don’t have to walk too far to get to the tower of Gryffindor. 

“This here is the portrait of the fat lady although it is a horrible term.” He gestures the last part to the portrait who gives him a shy smile back. “She opens the door to the tower with a password created specifically for this tower only.”

“So you’re saying all the towers have their own password?”

“Correct. It’s like magical security.”

“Hmm. So what’s the password to this tower?” I ask.

“The password is caput aquilae.”

“Caput aquilae. The head of the eagle.”

“Well someone knows their Latin!” Says the fat lady portrait impressed.

“It was a class I took at Ilvermorny for fun. I guess it’s come in handy now.”

“Why yes it has.” Says Headmaster Dumbledore.

The portrait opens to allows us through its door and I’m greeted in a cozy atmosphere with red décor and a fireplace that is lightly brewing. Some students are hanging about talking or reading in the lounge chairs around the room. I look over and see someone with red hair come down the stairs and greet Dumbledore with a bright smile.

“Headmaster Dumbledore! What a lovely surprise.”

“Ah, yes, Miss. Lily. I came by to introduce you to your new roommate, y/n y/l/n, has arrived.” He says and gestures towards me.

“Oh hi. I’m Lily Evans.” 

“Hello, I’m y/n.” 

“Well Dumbledore I do believe I can take it from it here.”

“Of course, Miss. Evans and y/n again welcome to hogwarts.” He says with a smile that never left his lips.

“Thank you, Headmaster.” I say and return the smile back. Now this is where I have to tread lightly. 

“So, shall we see our room first? Your bags arrived not too long ago.” She says with a kind cherry smile. 

“Sure.” I say and she leads me up the stairs. We enter what’s our room now and it’s more spacious than I expected. With four big poster beds adorned in red velvet and two big windows on left side wall and a fireplace across from the door where I stand with bean bag seats by it. 

“I know this must be a lot to take in.”

“A little yeah. At Ilvermorny, we each had our own rooms and well the surprise move from finding out that I’m being transferred all in one day is still a bit of a shock.”

“No way. All in one day? Wow, that’s weird, but it is short notice since school starts next week.”

“Right. So which one is mine?” I ask her. She points to the second bed, furthest from the door on the left wall. 

“That one. My bed is next to yours. Then across from me is our other roommate, Dorcas and next to her Marlene. The bathroom door is in between their beds and we each have our trunk and closet that’s split in two for us to share.” Lily explains.

“Thanks. When will I meet the others?”

“Probably soon. Dorcas just went out for a second and Marlene should be back soon from quidditch practice.”

“What’s quidditch?” 

“Oh that’s-“ Lily is interrupted as a dark-skinned girl with short curls walks in happily with flowers in her hands. 

“Oh hello.” She says. So this is either Dorcas or Marlene.

“I’m Dorcas Meadowes. Are you our new roommate?” She says and quickly puts down the flowers on her bed near her and walks over to me to shake my hand.

“Yes. I’m y/n. y/l/n. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to finally meet you. We’ve been excited all week when we heard we are going to get a new roommate.” 

“Ah well here I am.” I say trying to lighten the mood at this situation. I’m never good with introductions.

“Has she met Marlene yet? Have you met Marlene?” Dorcas turns to Lily and then back to me asking if I’ve met Marlene very quickly.

“No, not yet.” Lily says.

”Well then we better pr-“ before Dorcas can finish what she was about to say, a girl caked in mud head to toe along with what I could tell were grass stains and not smelling the best either rushed in and was rambling loudly about “slimy cheating dirty fucking snakes”, on her way to the bathroom. Lily and Dorcas both turns towards me and say, “That’s Marlene.”

Lily Evans, Dorcas Meadowes, Marlene McKinnon

[richardhandelcarpfishing]

My Journey Through The Old Skool Days

I started my Carp fishing in the early ’80s, after leaving school.  I discovered there was more to fishing than small local rivers with only Roach & Dace and the odd Perch in the offing.  At this time, I was living in Ipswich and there where only a couple of tackle shops.  These shops had a very basic, limited range of carp gear which the majority of which was match kit and when I say carp gear, it’s not as you think of it today.  The choice of hook was poor (to say the least), I stuck to size 8 hooks.  They were pretty good and served me well for many years.  Rods on the other hand; were a mixture of all sorts, as I could only afford one at a time.  I started with an SS6 and a bodex, this was an early carbon rod if my memory is correct.  I also had a cork handle rod that my dad got for me.  I then got myself a pair of ss7’s, which were the bees knees, as far as I was concerned, they were secondhand and reels were a mish-mash as well.  I can’t actually remember or even recognize them in the photography.  At the time I lived at home and didn’t get paid that much, I gave my mum & dad a little bit of rent and saved the rest for bait.  This has always been a key factor in my view.  If you have the best kit in the world you will not catch fish, however, with the right bait and a good selection of bait, this is the key to catching carp.

Until I could save up money to buy better stuff, I just stuck to what I had and get the odd bits second hand from friends.  At this point in my life, I had not discovered mail order or even fishing magazines!  All of my money went on bait, beer and trying to save up for a pair of rods.  As for buzzers, I had the right mixture of a Heron and a rolon.  This was rubbish, if you got a screamer in the night, you would need to check with a torch first.  You had to check which line was going – if the line was pulled tight, it would set the alarm off.  This was fun until I realized what was going on.  I then managed to get together enough money for a pair of Optonics.  I was planning on doing this first, as sitting up all night listening out for coins to drop off my spool a tin was taking its toll on me.  Trying to do nights in the week and the odd two nigher at the weekend was putting years on me!  I even had my ever faithful fairy bottle top bobbins. I have even done a week trip in the early ’80s like this.

The lake I was fishing was a club water,  at this time consisted of 4 lakes over a massive area.  They were full of bars and gully back bays which were full of pads.  There were only a handful of carp anglers, I think there were about 6 fully kitted out carp anglers.  They had clearly been fishing for some years and had a greater understanding of the lake.  In though’s days, they clearly were never going to help you.  They were still a friendly bunch of lads and we all enjoyed pike fishing over the Winter months.  It was perceived that carp didn’t feed over these months, the social pike trip helped us bond with the lads and finally started getting the odd snippet of information handed down.  I started to catch the odd fish, at that time 1 or 2 fish a season was good going.  My best year was 7 carp, I was amazed and totally hooked on carp fishing.  One year, I had a take on the opening day and lost the fish around the corner of a point.  This was the only carp take for that year, it was very hard going, to say the least.

I could never afford a bivvy, so I started off with bits of plastic sheeting tucked up around the spokes of a brolly, this helped until the wind blew (as there were no pegging points).  I slept in a large sail bag my dad had given me.  This was when I started seeing what other anglers were using as I was being allowed to look inside their bivvy’s.  You had to be invited in and not just peer in – it was just not done.  You can imagine my face when I finally spotted the old Argos sun-loungers, that bit of kit jumped to the top of my list.  They were a death trap though, we had watched people collapse in them and finding it very hard to get out.

The best way around the lack of bivvy problem was to go halves with a friend and then double up on a swim together.  If they couldn’t fish that weekend, you got it to yourself, then you both just needed to save up again to get another one.  This worked well and slowly we started to look a bit more like carp angler’s or as we called ourselves Specimen Hunters.

Those first few years on Barham pits (near Claydon), is where the carp bug really kicked in and is still well and truly with me.  We had some laughs in though’s days.  There was no barrow other than a wheelbarrow, which I hadn’t seen anyone use yet.  We used an old pram base was perfect until we got bored and started to race them up and down, you can guess the rest!  Let’s just say the wheels all buckled up and that was the end of that!  We did muck about somewhat back then, I will come to that later on.

This was the time also when I discovered PVA Bags, at this time they were made by Duncan Kay.  Wow!  How they changed my fishing.  After playing around with them, I realized that if you left the air in them and got the wind in the correct direction you could drift a bag under overhanging trees and pick up fish that way.  Inevitably, it would be a tench or bream.  This was a bit frustrating and costly but occasionally worth it if you spotted a fish in these swims.

By 1984, I had sorted out my kit (well sort of), I had better rods but they were still not a pair.  Other kit had become more important, we then moved on to Weybread pits on the Suffolk Norfolk border.  There was a small pit in the middle of the complex, where we settled on for a few years.  This enabled me to hone the art of carp fishing and was more of a runs water.  This was a very valuable period of time in my carp fishing life.  I had learned so much from other anglers and the group of friends I was with.  This was where a couple of lads could empty the lake most weekends.  We learned the art of floater fishing, we went through a stage of trying to capture a carp floater fish on all the rods we owned one by one.  This sounds crazy and it did at the time, but it gave you a greater understanding of how to play fish.  The minimum and maximum pressure you could put on them without getting a hook pull and margin fishing is the key to a lot of fish captures.

To this day, this is still my favorite style of fishing.  It is the most rewarding and possibly the most intense you can get from carp fishing.  We had discovered that black-eyed peas were an amazing bait.  They were very cheap to buy, easy to prepare and you could easily color/flavor them and they stayed on the hook.  Also at this time, we had started to play around with boilies.  I did have a go around 1980 but without much success.  It was hard to find any information regarding ingredients at first, so I just stuck to stuff out of my mum’s kitchen!  Things then started to kick off in ’84 – I purchased the odd book, which for the life of me I can’t remember the names.  Unfortunately, over the years I moved around a lot and I so wish I hadn’t binned so much stuff.  I used to keep everything there was to do with carp fishing; I read so much, just sat and made up bait recipes.  So many in fact, that I never ever used them all!  Somewhere very successful for me, others not so much but it just was a fantastic time to be in the carp fishing world – a voyage of discovery.  I do miss bait making these days but with work, kids and family stuff I just don’t have the time.  Also the ready-made frozen bait market so advanced today, why bother?  Use your time to go fishing!  I do like to play around with hook baits, stick mixes and ground bait, in the past two years they have got me very excited again, there is just so much choice, back to the ��80s.

Transport in those days was also great fun.  We use to share lifts for a couple of years and I still can’t believe we would get all that tackle for two people in my Mini Clubman estate.  It was bigger than my mates one but he still got two people’s kit in.  They were stuffed to the gunnels but we got it all in and it worked well.  I would like to see you get today’s kits in an original mini, now that would be fun!  I ended up with an Escort estate, much to the dismay of my girlfriend, as everyone else had flash Escort, she just didn’t understand carp fishing!

In the photo you can see my first proper bivvy and a pair of rods, you may have spotted the third.  We hoped the bailiff never did, if he did, he mostly turned a blind eye, which was a help.  I had an old groundsheet as a sleeping bag cover, landing net in though’s day’s where very heavy and hard to move about, unlike the modern slimline ones.  We were good at cooking on the bank, that was one thing that wasn’t too bad.  There were plenty of options for cooking as camping equipment was very common.  Most of the summer months, I would kip out under the stars, this was just an amazing time to be fishing, I did have a brolly pole just in case the weatherman was wrong!  I sorted out the issues with the Argos sun-lounger by cutting a V at each end of a piece of wood, this stopped the bed collapsing but in the end, I found the best way was to dig a groove in the ground for the legs and use pegs to peg it hard into the ground.  This worked well and worth the effort – no more trapped in a bed with a rod trying to play a fish and get out.

Weybread Middle Pit was where I honed my skills and I certainly had plenty of carp in the first year there.  I remember turning up the day before June 16th and we were all set up by 8 am, we just sat feeding the carp bread in the margins most of the day.  They were just everywhere.  The following morning was a different matter, we had carp but not in the numbers we were seeing the day before.  The carp had learned about pressure even then.

It was hard to find a lake with twenty’s in, let alone a 30+ and then you needed people to tell you about them and the location.  This all took time, part of the complex we fished had 1 and I’m not sure to this day, why we started on middle pit but there were 2 or 3 twenty’s.  I think we must have thought it was a better option.  I had over 53 carp that year.  I learned so much, watercraft was a key factor, understanding the topography of the lake and the feeding patterns.  I was up there every weekend from Friday to Sunday, even if I worked Saturday morning, I would go straight after work and set up.  The more you are there, the more you learn and that is certainly true today.

Fish care was in the long grass in though’s days.  We did all had a sack to retain the carp in and tried to do our best.  There has always been an urge for me to look after the fish and return it safely for the next person to catch.

They may not have all been the biggest fish in the world but back then, we certainly thought they were and took photographs of them all.

There was another thing that I remember about the ’80s, that has all but been forgotten –  playing tricks on each other (and scoring points for the idea of the trick and the reaction of the person).  Some of the best ones I can remember was turning the bivvy around, giving them a run and watch them try and find their way out in a sleepy daze or removing the elastic bands from under the bed chair a putting string to just hold the material in place, then watching them lay on the bed and fall onto a nice hard floor.  Other ones I can remember, putting food coloring into beans, blue and green were the best, switching the rod’s over and leaving the line in its original buzzer was a fun one.  Never leave your keys about as someone would put something in your car which would generally be horrible.

There was a group of five of us that fished together back in the early ’80’s; Mike, Carl, Paul, Andy, and I.  It was probably one of the best periods of my carp fishing career.  For the company and laughs, the innervation and discovering so much between us all.  Without a doubt, without this group of people, I think the start of my fishing career, wouldn’t have been that much fun.  Unfortunately. I had to move down South and time changes with family and stuff – we lost contact with each other.

I have fond memories of the ’80s and the old skool kit.  I wished I’d kept more of it but this wasn’t to be.  However, I love the modern day carp kit and the advances which have happened over the years.  As I get ever closer to 55, I am glad of my Aqua bivvy and 5 season sleeping bag.  How well would we be at sleeping on the Argos sun-loungers?  I bet we would all be doubled up with back pain and walking with a stick.  I could go on about all the other inventions and improvements.  The key one for me has to be bait.  As the ’90s began, fishing tackle started to take a leap forwards with proper bivvy, Kjc Rod pods, Wavelock brolly.  Winter fishing became a thing of the future for all carp anglers.

Not sure if you class the early ’90’s as old skool.  However, looking back at the amount of money I could send on carp fishing.  It was certainly a turning point for me.  The tackle I could buy and the lakes I discovered, the industry was starting the beginning of great things to come.

I hope this has been an incite to old skool fishing and my time through the ages.

Until Next Time

Richard

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My Journey Through The Old Skool Days My Journey Through The Old Skool Days I started my Carp fishing in the early '80s, after leaving school.