because-we-are-simple-memories

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The library of Umberto Eco

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“The only two important things in life are real love and being at peace with yourself.”

— Jonathan Carroll

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“Not everyone you love is going to love you back. That’s why you’ve got to love yourself.”

— Unknown

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“I need to learn how to stop destroying myself, stop being hard on myself, and be nice to myself.”

— Daul Kim

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The Druids’ Temple | GarettPhotography

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Untitled by Hannah Davis

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I don’t think I’ll ever tell anyone else that 1 chapter in my life.

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“The best thing in life is finding someone who knows all your flaws, mistakes, and weaknesses, and still thinks you’re completely amazing.”

— Unknown (via amargedom)

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“I will not beg you for your time or try to convince you to choose me, the world is too big and I have too much to offer.”

— Unknown 

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Kim Nam-Jo, from “Foreign Flags”; translated by Brother Anthony of Taizé

Text ID: There I first glimpsed / such desolate loneliness.

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Small dick wonder Tim’s measurements! Perhaps that’s why he prefers being called TJ now, he can’t stand that his first name is longer than his dick!

I’m still so pissed and annoyed over the whole thing! Not so much anymore, but it is hard to just turn off feelings...even with him having a tiny dick! 😂💀

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“Mother, I have pasts inside me I did not bury properly. Some nights, your daughter tears herself apart yet heals in the morning.”

— Questions for Ada, ‘Confessions’ by Ijeoma Umebinyuo (via decreation)

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“Books became her friends and there was one for every mood. There was poetry for quiet companionship. There was adventure when she tired of quiet hours. There would be love stories when she came into adolescence and when she wanted to feel a closeness to someone she could read a biography. On that day when she first knew she could read, she made a vow to read one book a day as long as she lived.”

— Betty Smith (via quotemadness)

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The more I think about Tim the more I see how much he manipulated me and made me feel sorry for existing or being in his life. You may be wondering how or why I ended up being wooed by him. Well, like I said in my last post, he was my “what if”, my “the one who got away”. I thought I’d missed out on my great love story. I mean here was this man from my past telling me he still had feelings for me and that he still loves me. But that’s just the first layer. Let me explain, as short as possible. In 2018 I was diagnosed with stage 3 Uterine Cancer. 2019 I started chemo and some other meds to help cope with the chemo. My meds had negative reactions that caused me to get Serotonin Poisoning (diagnosed September 2020). That same year (2019), I found out my older brother not only molested me but our cousin as well. All this time I’m still taking 2 anti-depressants which lead to the serotonin poisoning (more on that in its own post). Tim entered my life again in March 2020 and like I said, he love bombed me. I ignored all the red flags and trust me, there were more than plenty. There was the time I texted him a picture of my home cooked burger and being a Texas girl I was raised on, “if it still ain’t bleeding, you ruined the meat”, in other words we like our meat medium-rare. So I text him a picture of my burger and he replies, “eww why the fuck would you send me that? I fucking hate the meat like that. If you like blood so much you should become a fucking lesbian!” I should’ve walked away then, instead, I apologized endlessly to him. Then there’s the time when he asked me to help him bag his raw ground beef. Well, because my chubby tummy turned the burner on and burned several plastic baggies. He yelled at me, “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?” That was the second time we hung out. I should’ve ended it then, but he came in with the, “it’s fine it happens to me all the time”, and there I was all timid, “okay sorry!”

I should’ve ended it when he didn’t show me the love he supposedly had for me and I definitely should’ve ended it when he showed me that he didn’t respect me. He made me feel small, stupid and worthless and what breaks my heart is that I allowed it to happen and I allowed it to not just happen, but continue. Never again! Tim will be my reminder that I don’t need a man in my life at all! Today, I deleted all the pictures and videos from my phone. In between were pictures I’d saved, the pictures you see in this post are some of the ones I saved within the first 2 weeks of us dating. That was my gut, my intuition telling me to wake the fuck up!! He’s been blocked from contacting me online. Thankfully, he’s too much of coward to come face me in person.

Tim put no effort at all into our relationship. Poor guy didn’t even have the stamina or dick size to give me an orgasm, much less have the energy to maintain a healthy relationship. He also had the audacity to criticize my tattoos. Professionally done at a highly rated tattoo shop by amazing artists. He told me that they took me for my money because no way in hell were my tattoos good enough to have cost that much. They really weren’t outrageous prices. $120 for one on my wrist and $180 for my forearm. Considering how much he hates Alex, they both have a lot in common. I could go on and on about all his downfalls, but I want to be done with him. I don’t want him to take up space in my mind anymore. He was a lesson that I’m convinced needed to happen! Him coming back into my life was to tell me to enjoy life and love it. Love your family and friends who are there for you no matter what. Know your worth and add tax!!

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to my mother,

I wish I could heal you in all the places that you are hurt.