#this is so important and I feel many people don't believe they deserve to be loved

[daughter-of-sapph0]

never forget that you are deserving of love

[slimyenemy]

you really do just get more and more abusive every single day.

[elysiansparadise]

Ruler of the 1st house in the houses

𝐑𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝟏𝐬𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝟏𝐬𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞

Throughout their lives, these natives experience experiences that make them very clear that they themselves must be their own priority, that they should never put other people's needs first if that means putting their own needs aside. They are focused on knowing themselves better, increasing their knowledge of themselves and always keeping their priorities in mind so as not to stray. They stand out for being very independent people who may even be uncomfortable having to ask for help from others, in fact, it is likely that they have learned to be independent from a very early age. Many of them have a great ability to lead groups or at least inspire others to empower themselves and do things their way. They never hesitate to say what they think, but they can be more reserved when it comes to opening up emotionally to others, as they have very high walls between themselves and others. They do not like to interfere in the lives of others and hate when others feel they have the right to tell them how to live their lives or how to act, and they won't hesitate defending their points of view fiercely. It bothers them when other people don't take them seriously or when their boundaries are ignored, and believe me, they won't allow themselves to be trampled on by someone, because they stand out for their courage and strong sense of self. Their immediate environment sees them as people with a strong, almost unbreakable self-esteem, they exude power, strength and can give the impression of being invincible, even being able to easily intimidate other people. They do not like to feel or appear weak. They constantly seek to improve either in the skills they have or as people. They have initiative and do not sit back and wait for things to happen, some can be impatient when it comes to seeing the fruits of their work. They don't like to feel unproductive. They are people who will always prefer to be authentic rather than hypocritical in order to fit in or be surrounded by people, and since I mentioned it, many of them can be rather ambiverts. They are very selective with the people they surround themselves with and being alone is not a fear for them.

𝐑𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝟏𝐬𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝟐𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞

These natives prioritize finding stability in their lives, in every possible sense, from economic stability to mental and emotional stability. Throughout their lives they embark on a path of self-worth, working on their self-esteem and learning to recognize their positive sides. They are focused on making their lives something they can enjoy and do things that they consider valuable to invest their time and energy. They are very attractive people, they can be seen as naturally elegant. They aspire to have a quiet life in which they have everything they need and did not need when they were younger, they know what they deserve and do not settle for crumbs or little. These natives stand out for being calm and rational, they don't like to rush into things, but they know how to give their all once they make a decision. They highly value their authenticity and independence, however, they do not hesitate to support their closest circle. It is very likely that from a young age they have been a strong support, whether for a parent, other family members or even friends. They give the impression of being very stable, of having things in order in their lives and of being almost unbreakable, they project a strength that is rather approachable and people can feel safe with them, even drawn at them. For them, tangibility is crucial, that is, actions before words, from showing their love and affection with actions or gifts (as well as enjoying being shown affection in this way), to not promising things that they know they cannot. achieve. They are people who work hard and progressively in everything they consider important, whether in the workplace, personal or love sphere. They believe that small details are always important, small efforts that are constant and significant. There are little things about these natives that are considered attractive, often things that are not under their control such as mannerisms or their voice. They take care of their appearance and like to dress in clothes that they feel comfortable in, they prioritize their own comfort when it comes to this. They may easily attract money into their lives or be naturally good at managing finances.

𝐑𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝟏𝐬𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝟑𝐫𝐝 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞

For these natives speaking their minds is the most important thing, they like to be clear with what they think, want and even feel. If they have something to say they will not hesitate to do so. They stand out for being very rational people, capable of seeing things from different perspectives. Their minds can be restless and that can lead them to be people with a tendency to multitask and even have many diverse and different interests among them. Speaking of which, these people love to learn new things, the idea of ​​knowing everything they can about a topic that catches their attention fascinates them, although sometimes once this task is finished they can get bored. They need constant mental stimulation and to stay busy. Many of them have a strong tendency to overthink things and be somewhat anxious, worrying about the future. Despite this, these people know how to adapt very well to changes and constantly seek to make small changes, whether in their rhythms of life, activities or even in their appearances. These people can read well the environment in which they find themselves and easily adapt to it as well as to the people who are there. Your relationship with your siblings or cousins ​​can be very influential, or they can even be a great influence on your siblings or other younger members of your family. These natives are quite cunning and intelligent and give the impression of being not easily fooled and very cultured. People tend to listen to what they say more easily, because they have a lot of charm. For them, communication is key in any relationship, especially those that they consider important to them, and they could not be with someone who does not have a topic of conversation or who does not let them talk/does not listen to them. They like to maintain a calm and bearable environment, jokers, witty and very funny, they love to entertain themselves and amuse others with their stories and occurrences. There is a playful and slightly mischievous appeal to them, and it should be added that as the years go by, they seem to look younger. It is easy for them to follow a conversation since, as I mentioned, they adapt very quickly to people, no matter how different they are from them. They stand out as good communicators, whether orally or in writing, and also for their creativity. They like to learn how to do many things and it is no surprise that many of them have a wide variety of skills.

𝐑𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝟏𝐬𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝟒𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞

Throughout their lives, these natives experience experiences that lead them to always seek their own emotional comfort, to worry and take care of their emotional needs, but above all their inner peace. They are naturally perceptive and caring people when it comes to other people's emotions, they seem to read them very well and never try to make others uncomfortable. They are internally very sensitive people, although they create a shell that protects them from getting hurt or from others taking advantage of this emotionality and their hearts. The family gave great lessons to the native and their relationship with them is quite important to them, whether because of how close they are and how well they get along, or because of the scars they may have left. These natives do not forget easily, and may find themselves constantly thinking about the past. They do not hesitate to go deep inside themselves and analyze themselves, they are quite self-aware, but it will always be a process that they prefer to do on their own. Many of them may have this bad tendency to repress their feelings, always wanting to appear strong or simply preferring to break down when they are alone. They are very supportive and warm people with those they love, always respectful of their emotions and boundaries. They have a strong protective instinct towards all those with whom they form strong emotional bonds. For them it is crucial to feel safe and secure, there is nothing they want more than to keep their inner child happy, avoiding repeating situations from the past that previously hurt them. There is something about them that makes people feel naturally comfortable, people can open up to them more easily and tell them very private things. They may feel a strong interest in the past of the people they care about, from family or friends. It is likely that these natives are very similar, either in physical appearance or behavior to ancestors or older people in their families. Home for them is a place where they feel like they can be themselves, where they don't have to have their barriers up and where they feel protected and comfortable. They may find comfort in being with themselves, although at times the loneliness can become overwhelming. What is clear is that they value quality in their emotional ties with people, which is why they prefer to be on their own rather than calling the wrong person family or friend.

𝐑𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝟏𝐬𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝟓𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞

Over the course of their lives, these natives embark on a path toward self-love and self-acceptance. They are people who can place many expectations on themselves and can be very demanding, although very few people see it and realize it. This happens because people tend to see them as very confident, charismatic and incredibly attractive people, since these natives have the ability to attract the attention of others with ease. A mix of attractiveness and sensuality. Throughout their lives, they learn to love and appreciate each other, to never let disrespect pass or be with people who do not love and respect them as they deserve. These people have a very intense way of loving, for them it is all or nothing, they are not people who commit halfway, and despite their flirtatious yet independent appearance, when they find someone with whom they want to be in a relationship, they do not hesitate. They really like romance, details and they love the idea of ​​having a relationship in which love and passion abound. They like emotional intensity in their relationships, someone who adores them and loves them madly, who is crazy about them and shows the same degree of devotion as them. These people know what they want in a relationship, and they would rather be alone than be with someone who doesn't meet the requirements. They are usually lucky enough to be liked back by their crushes and can attract many hidden admirers. These people like to show themselves as strong, confident and empowered, as people who do not depend on anyone or the opinions of other people, because the experiences they have lived have taught them to be authentic and true to themselves.These people may excel deeply in some skill or talent, and may be seen as great at this. They are really passionate about their interests, beyond romance, if they have hobbies they can put their heart entirely into them. They have the ability to charm the people they interact with. They are very honest and open people with what they want, they do not hold back their opinions and can have a lethal bluntness on many occasions. Deep down, they are very expressive, emotional and loving individuals, never leaving any room for doubt about the love or appreciation they feel.

𝐑𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 ��𝐡𝐞 𝟏𝐬𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝟔𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞

Throughout their lives, these natives experience the constant belief that to be worthy of something they have to work hard, although this leads them to be dedicated and responsible people with everything they consider important in their lives, it also influences the way they relate to their environment, believing that they have to be something specific or achieve things in order to feel good about themselves. These natives have a strong need to be productive, to do something constantly, and they can feel bad about themselves when they are not being efficient. They are demanding of themselves, they stand out for their intelligence and observation skills. Their independence is one of their strongest characteristics and despite being very capable individually, they know how to work as a team and are quite efficient and collaborative. They like to feel like they are doing things with purpose, meaningful things, and they think very carefully about what they want to use their energy for, making sure not to waste time on things they consider meaningless. They are very helpful and empathetic people from a rather practical approach, from giving advice to being easy to solve issues of any kind. They can be very nervous people, they have a tendency to worry a lot about things, from their own performance to possible outcomes. For them it is important to have a job for which they feel passion, a job that allows them to have a certain individuality and that allows them to grow and continue learning, this placement makes it likely that they will work in something that they really like, even from a very young age. They are people who respect all living beings, whether people, plants, animals, they can have a strong bond with their pets and manage to connect with animals in a unique and wholesome way. Even if they like fun and variety, these people prefer to have a rather stable life, putting their mental and emotional peace before anything else. They are people very focused on their well-being in all areas, taking care of themselves and doing things that give them a sense of fulfillment. They stand out for their high level of devotion and loyalty in everything they consider important in their lives. They have a great work ethic that allows them to grow quickly in the workplace.

𝐑𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝟏𝐬𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝟕𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞

One of the most prominent lessons in the lives of these natives is about relationships, learning that it is better to be alone than in bad company. Many of these natives develop this balance in learning to be on their own, but also in learning to relate to other people. These natives greatly seek quality in their relationships and put a lot of their energy into making them positive and equitable for both parties. They are people who are very easy to understand and read other people, their attitudes, feelings and needs. People find them very alluring, graceful and people who are generally pleasant to be with, because they are not judgmental of others and when they accept someone into their lives they accept them genuinely. Despite this, they are people who are very clear about what they do not want to deal with in relationships and tend to be quite assertive in them. These people appear polite and approachable to other people, they have a certain charisma that others quickly perceive and it is precisely this subtle charm that attracts others. They will never stay in relationships in which they feel that they give more than they receive, because that search for stability and balance that they have applies in all areas but specifically in their relationships. This placement assures us that the natives will be able to feel that they can be themselves in the presence of their partner, feeling more authentic than when they are with other people. They are very romantic, dedicated and passionate people in their relationships, and they can attract a future spouse like that. Marriage will bring you a lot of self-discovery and can be very beneficial for your lives, giving you not only happiness but fulfillment. They can more easily gain the support of other people and in addition to knowing how to work very well as a team, they manage to connect and really make others feel heard and understood. It is likely that when they were young they gave a lot of importance to what others thought of them, and this is precisely one of the issues that they learn to deal with as time goes by. These people do not hesitate to take the first step in love, they are driven and very direct. Their personality in them may be dominant, however, they may be attracted to equally dominant people.

𝐑𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝟏𝐬𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝟖𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞

Here we meet natives with a certain aura of mystery around them. They do not usually reveal much about themselves so easily, they choose to keep to themselves everything they consider important or very personal, they are observers, and will always deeply analyze whether someone is trustworthy or not, trusting their instincts and being right most of the time. They seek something more than the reality to which they are accustomed, they seek to break the barriers of the predictable, mundane and superficial, entering the core of things and people. They look for the genuine, the raw and the authentic. These people are aware of the beautiful sides of life, but also the most tense and that is precisely why they remain alert, attentive and careful not to get hurt again. They hate feeling too vulnerable, showing their weaknesses, their sadness or points that others can use to hurt them. They are people surrounded by a lot of enigma and magnetism, many people recognize in them a survivor, someone whose strength and reserve makes them feel strangely drawn to them. They may find themselves attracting attention even when they want to go unnoticed. Loyal by nature, these people stand firm to their words, although they are not usually too open with what they feel, they feel intensely, they are quite intense in fact, and capable of giving themselves completely. It is difficult for them to trust other people, many times having trusted and been betrayed at their earliest ages, they have learned to rely on themselves and it can be a difficult task for them to let others in. The world is a complex place for them, full of bittersweet memories, some that they would like to return to and others that they would like to erase, yet their strength makes them reborn stronger and wiser. They do not hesitate to provide support and guidance, but it is difficult for them to accept when someone wants to do the same for them. They long to know themselves completely, even if it makes them face things about themselves that are difficult to accept, they are not afraid to know themselves completely, which makes them want to know others with such depth.

𝐑𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝟏𝐬𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝟗𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞

Gifted with great curiosity, these natives have a way of seeing life that is quite out of the box, not settling for everything they are used to seeing in their daily lives. They have the need to find themselves and their authenticity in a huge world full of possibilities. They are not conformist people, and they are constantly in search of information, knowledge and experiences that bring them positive sensations or that are enough to satisfy that desire to discover. Discovering goes beyond the earthly plane such as traveling or interacting with people from other countries (which may be possible), but rather also encompasses the spiritual, emotional and/or internal terrain. They have a high intrapersonal intelligence, which gives the impression of being rational, self-aware and wise people, and also allows them to get to know others in a more personal way. They stand out for their open mentality and their ability to delve into seeing things from different points of view. Many of them possess a certain charm and natural charm, there is something about them and their nature that makes them attract others and rewarding experiences throughout their lives. They always prefer to live a life with passion and purpose, and they are in constant search for theirs, to do something important or at least satisfactory in their stay in this life, they do not like to do things just for the sake of it, they long to give it life, give it a meaning to things. They do not allow themselves to be prejudiced and prefer not to have them in the first place, they appreciate the beauty in differences and do not like to make others feel uncomfortable with who they are. They are people who have a mindset of not worrying but rather taking care of themselves, they do not seek control over what they know they cannot control and on many occasions they know that it is better to let go and let go, having it easier than other people to do this. They may have interests that people consider unconventional or that are very different from those of the people around them. They are people who take pride in being different but don't feel the need to flaunt it. They have an interest in other cultures and may have plans in their dreams to visit different places in the world to which they feel connected in one way or another.

𝐑𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝟏𝐬𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝟏𝟎𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞

These natives are perfectly clear about what is important to them, what they want to achieve and who they are. From a young age they know that they have to work hard to get what they want, and from a young age they show themselves to be responsible and dedicated. This is an indicator of a person who had to mature since they were children, carrying issues or responsibilities both personal and from others, and in some cases, from people older than them. They tend to easily attract the admiration, respect and attention of people, likewise many of them can be successful in jobs in which they either have a position of authority or in which they are in constant contact with people. They can easily gain recognition simply by being themselves or pursuing one of their passions or talents. Their image matters a lot to them, so they do not hesitate to defend themselves and fight to maintain everything they have achieved throughout their lives. They have a strong need to feel proud of themselves, they often place high expectations on themselves, and it may be a behavior they have learned from a very young age. There is nothing they want more than to make their inner child proud, and be the adult they would have liked to have by their side. They believe that only they themselves can solve their problems, that no one will come to save them and that they have to make things happen, however, deep down, they wish they could have guidance and support. Many of them are not very open with other people, but what is certain is that having them in your life guarantees you a partner, friend or partner who will always be blunt, supportive and shared with you, never making you feel vulnerable or unprotected. It can be easy for these people to relate fluidly with bosses or authority figures, and it should be added that they can be quite good bosses themselves thanks to their decision and practical and fair vision of things. They like to surround themselves with productive, hard-working people who motivate them, these people being partners, friends or family. People who make excuses, who take advantage of others, and who are hypocritical earn their disdain. They are people who, although open and direct with what they think and want, are difficult to get to know deeply.

𝐑𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝟏𝐬𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝟏𝟏𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞

These natives are in a constant search for belonging, they are likely to feel that they hardly fit in with their peers, that they have problems connecting on a deep level with others or forming bonds of friendship. Although it is difficult for them to call anyone a friend, once they give that title, these natives stand out for being very supportive, encouraging and honest people. Precisely because it is difficult for them to form friendships, when they have one that they consider genuine they attach great importance to loyalty to that bond. These natives are interested in deeper and more personal ties, they feel that to form a good friendship, both need to be themselves and adore each other in that way, authenticity and openness are things they look for. They are independent people, very firm in what they believe and what they consider fair, they have their own criteria and do not feel the need to follow the masses or act according to what others believe or expect. Many of them have great charisma, and it seems to grow the older they get, they have a knack for inspiring other people, often motivating them to be themselves and go towards everything they aspire to. Since I mention it, they stand out for being not only creative people, but great dreamers even from a very young age. They stand out for their intelligence, cunning and for being able to learn many different things regardless of how different each topic is from the other. They like to remain rational and act logically and without causing so much drama. They do not like to live in the past, do what everyone else does or feel like one of the crowd. These natives seek to do what seems important to them, but above all in their own way. Sometimes they can think too much about the future, facing tendencies to overthink or worries about what is going to happen. Some are somewhat nervous and thinking about the future either excites them too much or causes them some anxiety. These natives can have great economic stability if they decide to pursue that career that attracts their attention. Many of them may enjoy spending a lot of time on social networks and may become influential, popular or well-known on them. People can admire them quite a bit and even come to appreciate them.

𝐑𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝟏𝐬𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝟏𝟐𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞

Here we find people who, due to life circumstances, have learned not to reveal much about themselves, including very personal aspects. These people may have experienced a lot of stress or difficult events to process at a young age, causing them to mature prematurely. They have great intuition that makes them realize what others go unnoticed, they sense people's moods, their emotions at the moment and even whether they are trustworthy people or not. They can seem mysterious and very reserved to the people they interact with, they decide what to show and what not to show. They are very empathetic people and sensitive to the moods of the people around them, they are capable of putting themselves in someone else's shoes. They are understanding, sensitive and much more emotional than they show at first glance. These people long to find either a place where they feel like they belong or a group of people that makes them feel understood, since many of them have the ability to make others feel accepted, supported and loved, even when they throughout in their lives they may feel that they do not connect so easily with others. They may have abilities to inspire, care, heal or make others feel better, and people can trust them more easily. These people look for a deep meaning not only in life, but in general behind everything that surrounds them, they prefer depth, that which has a true significance, one that marks them and contributes something to their lives. Many of them may have a strong tendency to doubt their intention, often fearing that their fears will get in the way and cloud their judgment. They are people with a very beautiful and resilient soul, often carrying wounds that people are not aware of, and that is precisely what makes them want to really see inside people, make them feel as seen as they would like to feel. Throughout their lives they experience identity crises, or long periods in which they are searching for themselves, often alone. Many of them seem to be in their own world, because they do not seek to get involved in other people's lives. Things hardly remain hidden for these natives, they have the peculiarity that information always reaches them, even if they do not look for it.

[yoongelectric]

Drunk in love — LN4

~ believe when i say that you’ll know once you taste it

• part 2: blame it on the vodka

pairing: lando norris x fem!reader

summary: the night where you and lando just wanted to forget about each other but ended up getting closer than ever

genre: smut, angst, fluff, friends to lovers

warnings: curse words, jealousy, alcohol consumption, unprotected sex, p in v, fingering, oral sex, breeding kink

notes: english isn’t my first language so i’m sorry ig there’s any mistakes. i might have gotten a little excited with the lenght of this fic, part 2 will be shorter

The music plays loudly within the walls of your room as you and your best friend get ready for the night. After hours and hours of trying to convince you, Olivia had finally made it, not that you weren't a party girl, in fact you adored it, the feeling of being drunk, the people, the dancing, the music, flirting with strangers, you used to spend the whole week looking forward to go to your favorite club but for months now all those good times have lost all meaning when all you can see is your best friend going from girl to girl every weekend without any type of remorse. And for months you’ve been trying to do the same thing to stop thinking about him, only achieving the opposite.

You can’t blame those girls, in fact, you understand them perfectly, not just because Lando is rich and famous, that's the least important thing really, but in any crowd he's always the first man you see, he's handsome, attractive, even magnetic, the kind of man no girl would ever say no to, and you were painfully aware of that, because of course, you were one of those girls who could never say no to him.

That's what bothers you the most, because no matter how many dates you go on, how many strangers you flirt or sleep with, how much time you go without seeing him or speaking to him, you always notice how they are not him, how they don't have his laugh, his eyes, his charisma, his charm, his way of hugging you, his way of making you forget everything and everyone, no matter how good they are in bed, none of them can make you feel the warmth that you feel when he simply holds your hand or rests his hand on your waist to help you walk through a room full of people, and it's already getting tiring to hope that at some point that's going to change.

While you finish applying the sluttiest red lipstick you have, and check that you are not missing anything in your purse, you look at your outfit in the mirror, a little black dress that leaves nothing to the imagination, actually, if you are not careful you can flash anyone at any moment, you feel attractive, you know you look pretty, but you also know that neither this dress, nor the makeup you spent so much time on, nor your perfect hair will be enough for Lando to look at you the way you want.

Olivia seems to notice the sad expression on your face, "y/n don't make that face, if Lando is stupid enough to not make a move on you then he doesn't deserve you to spend another second thinking about him" she says handing me a shot of vodka that I swallow without hesitation

“Do you think I'm in love with him because I want to, Olivia? If it was up to me I would only see him as the friend he sees in me, that's what he wants, but it seems I can't.”

“if you want to believe that he sees you only as a friend then go on, i think he’s just a pussy” Olivia shouts from the door as I grab my keys and follow her.

-

Lando stared at his glass of whiskey, lost in thought, looking at the time on his watch from time to time thinking about when you would arrive, he was dying to see you, he didn't know if he was imagining it but he had this feeling that you’d been avoiding him all week, you didn't answer his messages, and if he called you, you quickly ended the conversation saying that you were busy, you had always been very bad at lying, who can be busy on a Saturday morning? He knew that his doubts would be solved at any moment and oh how he wished it was just his head fucking with him.

In the distance he saw a girl who he could have sworn was you, but after looking at her for a few seconds he slapped himself internally for having mistaken you for someone else, how could you be that girl? She doesn't have your grace, nor the light that seems to follow you everywhere making you look untouchable, the people around her don't turn around automatically and he doesn't feel that comfort in his heart when looking at her, but what's the point anyway? None of them make him feel anything like that, none of them are like you and he knows it.

He knows that you are the girl for him, he has known it since he won his first race and as soon as he crossed the finish line the first thing he thought was if you would be proud of him. He knows that he will probably love you all his life and that without you his destiny is to wait for someone to entertain him enough to not think about you all the time. He knows how sad that is and he's not sure if he can continue like this for much more, but he can't condemn you to what a relationship with him means, he barely has time for himself and how could he try to have a relationship with you if he can't give you all the time you deserve? How can he try to be with you if it means you have to be moving from one side of the world to the other all the time or not see him as often as he would like?

If everything was different he would have jumped right into your arms months ago, but you deserve much more than what he can give you.

Max's voice brings him out of his thoughts telling him something painfully true "so you’re already looking for a girl who looks like Y/N to spend the night?" How much more time can he spend trying to find you in another person? probably a lot less than he thinks.

-

He was hypnotized, watching you dance with your friends, running your hands over your body, laughing and looking so sexy, since you arrived he couldn't stop looking at you, a feeling between how bothered he was by that sinful dress that hugged your body in all the right places and the concern for the cold greeting he had received, he was gripping his glass tightly and using all his will not to grab you by the waist and pull you against him, he wanted to ask you the reason behind your actions, how were you able to stay away from him, when it felt impossible for him to do that.

It was then that he saw him, tall, with a bright smile, just the type of boy you've always liked, he approached you and spoke to you so carefree, calm, without the all the nerves Lando felt every time he had to get too close to you. He doesn't know what the boy said to you that made your laugh echo throughout all the VIP area but he was sure as hell it couldn't be that funny, how could your eyes shine like that looking at someone that two seconds ago you didn't know existed? how could you look at a stranger the way Lando had always wanted for you to look at him? oh how oblivious he was

As soon as he tried to get up to stop the situation, he felt the hand of the same girl he had seen earlier on his shoulder and as some type of divine signal it was then that he came to his senses. If he really loved you, he should let you live your own life.

Back to where you were, the nameless boy grinded against you while grabbing your hip and the two of you danced to the rhythm of the music, he was cute, sure, he was nice and funny, but in your drunken state your head seemed to betray you making you think about Lando over and over again, each song seemed to be talking about him, about you, about the two of you, and just when you were trying to get away from the boy it occurred to you to look at him, At this point you should be used to it, glass in hand, a girl on his lap, kissing so passionately it made you want to cry.

You were fucking sick of it, sick of the looks of pity from all your friends, of not being able to get mad at the girl, or Lando, you could only be mad at yourself for having these stupid feelings and not being able to settle for his friendship that at the end of the day was the best thing that had ever happened to you, and you really don't know how or when but you were glued to a wall kissing the guy, he was grabbing your ass tightly and biting your lip while you were pulling his hair trying to understand the situation you found yourself in, with far too many drinks on you, the jealousy, shame and unreciprocated feelings you felt for your best friend, you decided to lose yourself in the touch of the boy you had just met.

When the girl moved away from him to take a breath he saw you, your hair messy, your dress rolled up and that son of a bitch's hands grabbing you just like he would like to do, he didn't even have the decency to take you somewhere more private, but again, who was he to get involved in what you were doing if he knew that he couldn't give you what you deserved anyway, so he grabbed the girl's face and continued kissing her, but he couldn't stop thinking about you, the weight of the girl on his lap made him wish it was you, Lando wanted you to grab his hair just like you did with the boy you were kissing, he knew he could make you feel much better than him, he would take you somewhere empty because only he should be the only one to see you this way, he would grab you by the waist and pull you against him, he would kiss you with so much feelings that you wouldn't doubt his love for you, the erection that grew underneath his pants made him imagine how good you would feel rubbing yourself on him and he was sure it would feel like heaven listening to you moaning his name when he went down to kiss your neck.

“fuck, y/n just like that, baby” he didn't expect that it was going to be your name the one that escaped his lips.

The look of confusion and shock from the girl who was sitting on his lap brought him back to reality, and he doesn't know if he was suddenly sober or if all the alcohol that was in his system hit him at once but his body, his mind and all his senses told him to look for y/n, so apologizing to the girl and getting her off of him, he began to look for his love.

He looked around but there was no sign of her, her friends were still dancing in the same place but she and the boy he had seen her with earlier had disappeared, he asked Max but he told him that he had lost sight of them ago. For a while, when he saw Olivia, he realized that if anyone could help him, it was her.

he got into the crowd of dancing girls trying to get her friend's attention, "Olivia, hey, where did y/n go?" He said when the girl finally saw him

"Lando, I think you should leave her alone, she's busy" your friend knew that today you just needed to forget about him.

"Did she leave with him? Just tell me if she's still here, please" Lando was desperate, he feared that if he didn't find you now he would never have the courage to confess his feelings to you again

Olivia finally gave up "she just told me she was going to his house, I don't think they're gone yet" she took a deep breath and added "she's trying to forget you, I know deep down you know that, don't do anything if you know you're gonna hurt her, Lando."

"Thank you, i promise i will not" he said before running to the club’s door

You don't know why you agreed to this, but you found yourself walking towards the car of the boy you just met today, do you really want this? you don't know, in your head you just think that maybe this is it, maybe he can make you forget about Lando, in fact, you should be happy, he is cute, hot, funny, attentive and respectful, why aren't you happy? And why do you feel so relieved when you feel a hand on your shoulder stopping you?

"y/n, please don't go with him" you turn around when you hear the familiar voice and you feel your stomach do a thousand flips when you see the person you've been thinking about all night.

You pause to look at him before speaking, he looks agitated, in a hurry even, as if he was going to run out of time, but even in that state he is the most attractive man you have ever seen, some buttons on his shirt are undone showing his chest, as if the slightly see-through fabric wasn't enough, his tanned skin glowing under the night lights and you don't understand why he has to come out of nowhere now to ruin anyone else for you.

"Lando, is everything okay?" Your voice denotes concern and Lando just wants to have you in his arms.

"lov- sorry, y/n" he corrected himself "don't go with him, I need to talk to you, please, I need you to give me a chance"

"what are you talking about?" Your words came out like a whisper, you had to be misunderstanding him, or not?

"Sorry mate, this isn't your fault, but I love her, she's the love of my life, I can't let her go."

Suddenly you remembered the boy who was there with you, you looked over your shoulder, you only saw confusion in his gaze and you felt sorry for how he had ended up in this situation just because of bad luck, you shared a look and the boy understood that he had to leave.

"Lando, if this is some kind of joke or you're just doing it because that girl rejected you, I want you to know that it's not funny."

Lando felt a pang of pain in his chest, what had he been doing wrong all this time for you to believe him capable of playing with you like that?

"this isn’t a joke, y/n, I'm tired of pretending that I don't just love you, baby." he said taking a few steps until he was right in front of you "I don't know what I did for you to not want to see me or talk to me, but let me fix it, even if you don't feel the same way, I need you to treat me like before, I miss you love"

"I was just trying to forget you, Lando" the tears began to fall down your face and you didn't know if you felt shame, joy, anger or relief, if he felt the same, why had he made you see him with all those girls before? Why hadn't he spoken sooner? Why hadn't you spoken sooner?

you felt his lips on yours, and for the second time that night you were kissing someone, but this time everything made sense, you could only think about lando, you were right where you wanted to be, you were aware of his touch in every place where his body made contact with yours and time seemed to have stopped, you were addicted to the feeling of finally having him all to yourself and you didn't want to stop even to take a breath or move to another place.

He felt the same way and with all his strength he moved away just enough to mumble "let's get out of here."

-

The car ride to your house felt like a fever dream, you wanted to talk to each other but you had so many ideas in your head that you didn't know what to say first, you wanted to touch each other but you didn't want to spend another minute without being in a place just for the you two, so all you did was share looks of love and happy giggles

You two were finally home and it seemed like you were glued to each other, the heat in the room was becoming more and more unbearable as you kissed, grabbed and caressed each other, thanks to muscle memory you managed to get to your room and Lando just pushed you to the bed before climbing into it straddling you

"So pretty, baby, I can't believe I finally have you" he said kissing your neck and lifting your dress asking permission to take it off.

You nodded silently and Lando wasted no time in removing the garment that covered your body. He began to run kisses and licks over your shoulders, collarbones, arms and stomach until he left you desperate and trembling beneath him. You knew he was enjoying it but you had waited so long for this that you couldn't stand him not touching you right where you wanted, losing your patience you reached behind your back to unclasp your bra.

“nuh huh, that's my job, precious, let me enjoy you just the way I want” He said kissing, sucking and biting your neck, his words sending shivers to the wet areas of your skin.

"Lando, please, you're going to have plenty of time to enjoy me in every way you want, just fuck me already, I can't wait." As you spoke you couldn't help but arch your back when lando gently bit your collarbone making a moan escape your mouth.

you heard him laugh cockily "plenty of time? does that mean we're going on a second date?" and just when you thought about slapping him for his bad joke you felt him cup your pussy relieving half of the tension you felt.

He lived to please you and if you wanted to get to the point that's what he would do, he quickly got rid of your bra attacking one of your nipples with his tongue, circling the muscle over it before taking it all in his mouth, moaning softly into it, after a while he moved to your other nipple, repeating his actions, but paying attention to the previous one with his big, rough, veiny hands, you were a moaning mess, and every once in a while you had to remind yourself that this was really happening and it wasn't a product of your imagination.

"mmh Lando that feels so good, please don't stop" you said trying to reach his member to touch it over his clothes, but you instantly felt him pin your arms over your head

"not yet, y/n tonight is all about you, let me make you feel good" he said moving down to your hips leaving kisses right on the waistline of your panties

He stopped to look at the lace panties you were wearing, black and all see-through, they were sexy but at the same time elegant and Lando felt like he would faint right there.

"these are so pretty, it's a shame i have to take them off," he said, taking your underwear on each side and removing it in one go.

It was at that moment that he saw you naked for the first time, you looked so hot but also innocent, the look of desire and at the same time love in your eyes could not be compared to anything that Lando had seen before, and he couldn't believe he had been missing on this for so long.

He ran a hand over your wet center and hissed at the sensation.

"baby, please do something, I'm going crazy" you begged, pushing your hips against his hand, trying to get more friction.

"well, since you're in such a hurry, god, we have to work on your patience, love." Without warning, Lando put a finger inside your hole and at the same time went down to lick your clit, while leaving his finger still inside you, he licked your bundle of nerves from side to side, up and down and circling his tongue against you, the euphoria you felt at that moment didn’t allow you to speak, the only thing that came out of your mouth were desperate breaths and moans of his name repeatedly. Every time you dared to look between your legs and saw your friend's piercing eyes you felt yourself embarrassingly quick getting closer to the edge.

"Lando, I need more, please, I want to cum."

so you felt a second finger inside you, he began to move them at a soft and strong pace, curving them inside you in the most delicious way, it didn't take long for you to finish all over his mouth and fingers, with a scream of his name and pulling him against you by his hair, he continued sucking your clit until you pushed his head due to overstimulation.

“You taste so good, my love, please let me do it again” he said kissing your inner thighs trying to open your legs again.

"another time, babe, I want you to fuck me, I need to feel you" you said pulling him from his shirt, you were feeling a little self conscious as you noticed how he was fully dressed and you were naked in front of him, so you unbuttoned his pants begging him to take them off, he, always willing to please you, pulled them down at the same time with his boxers, letting his dick come out freely in front of your face.

None of all the dirty nights you spent thinking about him could prepare you for what was in front of your eyes, his member, the perfect length, thick and veiny, with his tip all wet, seemed to beg you to put it in your mouth.

And that’s what you did, kneeling on the bed in front of him, licking the tip vaguely and without wasting much time you started sucking on it. Lando grabbed your hair in a ponytail and allowed himself to enjoy the heat of your mouth.

You wanted to make him feel good, it was the only thing you could think at that moment, and when you looked up and saw his face contorted with pleasure, his head thrown back and tasted his salty precum you could only moan in satisfaction, the entire moment made you so wet again and your hole clenched around nothing.

Against all his desire and will, Lando removed his dick from your mouth, it felt so good, but he needed to fuck you, he needed to feel your wet walls around him, so once again he pushed you on the bed and put your legs on his shoulders.

"Are you ready?" The question felt like a joke, you had been ready for months.

"yes, so ready, please fuck me"

You felt his member press against your pussy and the wetness made it so easy for him to slide in all at once.

Both of you moaned in unison as you felt that you were finally where you belong, Lando stayed still for a moment to let you get used to the size and to take a breathe so he wouldn’t cum on the spot.

When he saw your desperate face and felt how you pushed your hips against him, Lando began to fuck you without mercy, hand on your neck choking you just the way you like it, grunts and moans escaping from his mouth, turning you on more and more.

"baby, please, I'm so close, you fuck me so so good, I love your dick so much, please" you didn't know what you were saying, you just knew that you didn't want anyone but him.

Lando couldn't help but laugh at your state, but he wasn't much better than you, feeling his orgasm getting closer, he removed his hand from your neck and began to draw circles on your clit, his thrusts were erratic and the trembling in his legs let you know that he wasn't going to last much longer.

"land-o, baby, cum inside, I need you to fill me" and with those simple words the two of you climaxed at the same time, white dots filled your vision and you could swear it was the longest orgasm you’ve ever had, when you came back to your senses, your friend removed his member from your hole and turned your positions so that you were on top of him.

"We should clean up" you said, ignoring your tiredness, trying to be responsible.

"Let's stay like this for a while, I need to hug you, hold you close" despite his tired tone you could hear him talking to you with a smile.

A few minutes passed and just when Lando was about to fall asleep, your words brought him out of his state.

"You know we'll have to talk about this tomorrow, right?"

And just like that, he remembered each and every reason why he hadn't done this before.

[aptericia]

Not proud to be here.

--

Ok, here goes draft like 5 of this fucking post. I spent 4 hours tossing and turning in bed last night thinking about this, and then this morning I found a tumblr post that really helped me understand what I was trying to say.

The post talks about how aromantic "advocates" claim that "aros don't take up resources, so there's no reason not to include them!" And if that's actually what people believe, I think I can finally articulate why it is that I feel so alienated in queer spaces.

It's because aspecs in general aren't "welcomed" by much of the queer community. We're tolerated. We perhaps get the luxury of not being contradicted on our own identities, or not being specifically kicked out of LGBTQ-only spaces, but that's the whole point: what we get out of the queer "community" is people NOT doing things, not actually doing things FOR us. And that, frankly, is not enough. We deserve conversations about us. We deserve to have others consider our feelings, even when making lighthearted jokes. We deserve varied, respectful representation in media. We deserve the active deconstruction of amatonormativity in society. We deserve to have space made for us, rather than at most being told we should "go take up more space!" ourselves.

Of course, the reality is that my being aspec is a personal matter that does not inherently affect anyone else. But the same can be said for literally any queer identity. Your being gay doesn't say anything about me, so of course I shouldn't hurt you for it, but why should I help you either? Because your happiness and comfort are important. The same goes for aspecs.

And most of the time, I don't even need anyone to make space for or expend resources on me; I can live fine in everyday, non-queer-specific places without mentioning my identity at all. But it's the queer community that claims it will make that space for me, doesn't, and then acts defensive and morally pure if I call out the hypocrisy because "we're queer too, you can't erase our identities to advocate for yours!!!!"

Again, this post isn't about specifics. I have queer friends who are incredibly thoughtful and supportive about my identity, just as I have non-queer friends who are. I find more solidarity in aspec-only communities, as well as trans/genderqueer ones, although there are still many exceptions. This post is also not about amatonormative ideology, which is extremely common from queer and non-queer people alike. This post is about the reason I've felt so betrayed by the queer community.

--

On a personal note, I remember being so excited when I started identifying as aromantic (and later asexual). Fitting myself into labels has been a lifelong struggle for me; to this day I still can't confidently say if I'm White or PoC, neurotypical or neurodivergent, abled or disabled, cisgender or not cisgender. I continue to struggle making friends because I don't fall into social cliques. To discover that I officially, certainly, was LGBTQ+ lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. And now I'm just so sad to find that despite that, I'm still stuck in the middle. I didn't get rewarded with a community. I still feel alienated from both queer and non-queer people. I know it was silly to get my hopes up when there's such vast diversity in both groups, but it really was a disappointment. Going to my first Pride parade last year was really the moment where I realized this.

[thesirencult]

Pick A Card Reading: Your 2025

Pile 1

Temperance, 8 Of Cups, The World

Where your energy flows is what you will be manifesting. You don't need to start the year over-the-top, making lists of goals and going to the gym 7 days per week. Do not go crazy at the start of the year just to give up. Everything in moderation. Let yourself align with your goals naturally. Do you want to walk 10k steps per day? Start walking for 15 minutes a day and slowly build up to it. This is the year you are choosing yourself. No tears left to cry.

Eyes on the prize! But, do NOT overdo it or it will backfire. I know that those bad feelings are what's pushing you to change directions. I want you to know that negative feelings can be alchemized to positive results. We can create our best art while being in our worst space mentally and emotionally. But, we have to remember that we can't hate ourselves to our best self.

What gets you through the door doesn't take you up the stairs. Realign when necessary.

So, in 2025 you will be ascending to a higher plane of consciousness. You will cross the threshold that takes you to the next level. You will be doing the same things and going through the same things but your mindset will be completely different.

I feel that you have a talent for motivating others. Try to preoccupy yourself with that and in that way you will also see that a fire burns within you. You don't know how many people you have touched with your "testimony".

Let your fire warm others up. 2025 will be the year you wrap things up. I know that you didn't get the closure that you expected to get, but I want you to know that sometimes we can give that closure to ourselves. We deserve to let that book come to an end so we can begin to write a new one. Happy new year <3

Pile 2

The Magician, Knight Of Wands, The Lovers

I sense that many people will be choosing this pile or reading it as a second pile, as its themes transcend the norm and will "quench the thirst" of those of you who are looking for an inspiring and empowering message.

As I was shuffling, two other cards fell out, while the energy was "shakey"-- the Ace Of Wands and the 3 Of Wands. I believe that these two cards symbolize the place you are at right now. In 2024 you set the right foundations for a powerful 2025. You've done lots of inner work and experimented with your ideas and techniques of manifestation. You were inspired and trying to do the best you could ahve done with what you had. Still, you felt like zero opportunities presented themselves to you, or whatever came up you did not like or it didn't align with your goals and vision for the future.

You were right! Those were "tests" from the Universe/God that helped you come into alignment. In 2024 you saw what you didn't want and in 2025 you will be sharpening your intellect and powers of manifestation qand that will lead you to manifesting what truly aligns with your spirit.

Lots of wands, the energy is already hot and steamy and now we have The Magician! Mercurial energy, same as The Lovers which we'll be looking at later on... In 2025 you will recognize your power. Scratch that! 2024 already helped you see what you're capable of. You hit some milestones and tasted success, as small as it was and now you are addicted to the rush of conquering. This will NOT stop in 2025, in fact the fire will burn brighter and in an engulfing way. You will stop at NOTHING to get where you need to get. This is not a want but a NEED. It's okay if you overdo it, as you have spend many years playing small.

The cub has now grown into a young lion. Still finding your footing, with immense strength and potential at heart. Important thing to remember: align your intentions with your actions, where your energy flows-manifestations appear. You have realized that your thoughts and mental patterns are powerful, both when it comes to good and bad outcomes. Focus on the positive. Focus on abundance, manifestation, feeling good. Do things that make you feel powerful. In fact, call back your power. Stay mindful of your ability to manifest outcomes and take RESPONSIBILITY. Recognize that you are THE creator of your life. God brought you here in his image, to realize your potential. You will take the reigns. God gives you what you ask him to give you. So, ask wisely!

The Knight Of Wands reminds us to come in with full force. BAM! That's the mindset you should be going into this year with. You have made yourself a magnet, take advantage of that! Balance that drive with intentionality. Every action taken should have a purpose. Do not waste your energy and strength. Power doesn't come from force. The more powerful you are the less force you need to use. Weaklings waste their energy, trying to keep up with the powerful, don't do that. Conserve your power and control your temper. Be disciplined and inspired. Mastery takes time and you will reach your highest potential at some point.

The Lovers showing up after the Knight Of Wands bring two messages to you. One, it could be that a Knight Of Wands figure enters your life and your relationship will evolve to a true partnership as time unfolds and two, as a bearer of advice: Be mindful of the choices you make. They will have ripple effects. Seek relationships and partnerships that resonate with your values, and don’t settle for less than you deserve. I'm seeing passion and potential to build something significant. This also speaks of vulnerability and the choice to keep your heart open for love. It is your choice. You CAN manifest love. The power lies in your fingertips.

Have a blessed 2025! As, I'm sure that you will <3

Pile 3

The Hermit, 3 Of Cups, 2 Of Swords

The last couple months you've been feeling isolated. Friendships have fallen away, but, at the same time, the fog has cleared up.

Now I see.

Your intuition will guide you home. It is the lantern that will illuminate the way back to your soul. In 2025 you will no longer feel lonely. You will realize that true friendship is loyalty and mutual feelings. It is not toxicity, back-handed compliments and unspoken words. You deserve to find your soul family and in order for this to happen you need to let your inner light guide you towards a different path, a path of self-reflection, inner strength and self-compassion.

Self-compassion happens when you let your own self become the compass. Trust yourself. Cultivate self trust. That's the most important thing.

You will be looking at things from a higher perspective and it will allow you to make better decisions, informed by logic. Should you explain to that friend again that you don't like arguing about the same old things? No. Should you give that guy who cheated on you a second chance. Definitely no. This is the level of cold you will reach.

I hope this year brings you closer to yourself and further away from what doesn't serve your best interest.

[thatbadadvice]

Help! I'm A Private Person!

Neil Gaiman, Journal.NeilGaiman.com, 14 January 2025:

Over the past many months, I have watched the stories circulating the internet about me with horror and dismay. I’ve stayed quiet until now, both out of respect for the people who were sharing their stories and out of a desire not to draw even more attention to a lot of misinformation. I've always tried to be a private person, and felt increasingly that social media was the wrong place to talk about important personal matters. I've now reached the point where I feel that I should say something. As I read through this latest collection of accounts, there are moments I half-recognise and moments I don’t, descriptions of things that happened sitting beside things that emphatically did not happen. I’m far from a perfect person, but I have never engaged in non-consensual sexual activity with anyone. Ever.  I went back to read the messages I exchanged with the women around and following the occasions that have subsequently been reported as being abusive. These messages read now as they did when I received them – of two people enjoying entirely consensual sexual relationships and wanting to see one another again. At the time I was in those relationships, they seemed positive and happy on both sides. And I also realise, looking through them, years later, that I could have and should have done so much better. I was emotionally unavailable while being sexually available, self-focused and not as thoughtful as I could or should have been. I was obviously careless with people's hearts and feelings, and that's something that I really, deeply regret. It was selfish of me. I was caught up in my own story and I ignored other people's. I’ve spent some months now taking a long, hard look at who I have been and how I have made people feel.  Like most of us, I’m learning, and I'm trying to do the work needed, and I know that that's not an overnight process. I hope that with the help of good people, I'll continue to grow. I understand that not everyone will believe me or even care what I say but I’ll be doing the work anyway, for myself, my family and the people I love. I will be doing my very best to deserve their trust, as well as the trust of my readers. At the same time, as I reflect on my past – and as I re-review everything that actually happened as opposed to what is being alleged – I don't accept there was any abuse. To repeat, I have never engaged in non-consensual sexual activity with anyone. Some of the horrible stories now being told simply never happened, while others have been so distorted from what actually took place that they bear no relationship to reality. I am prepared to take responsibility for any missteps I made. I’m not willing to turn my back on the truth, and I can't accept being described as someone I am not, and cannot and will not admit to doing things I didn't do.

Dear Neil,

You, sir, are nothing other than fundamentally misunderstood — indicated in every sense by this, a smart and good post that you published on the whole-ass internet for literally the entire world to read.

The important thing is that you're learning! And you deserve infinite credit for that. Not nearly enough people appreciate how much you've learned about yourself in the course of ~ allegedly ~ committing sexual assault against multiple, probably crazy, women and the aftermath thereof. Less enlightened men would disregard the experiences of women who have highly specific and detailed accounts of being sexually abused, but you are open to the idea that the women who foolishly believe you assaulted them were simply mislead by your interminable charm! For which you cannot be held responsible! What a gift you are, friend; your generosity and open-mindedness are unparalleled.

Truly, whomst among us has not been where you find yourself now? Come, enjoy the company of friends who understand the brutal loneliness that results from being misunderstood by hysterical bitches who fail to appreciate the privilege of having your masterful fingers shoved up their asses without notice!

Again and again, women love men like you too much. They want you to be emotionally and sexually available! And that is just so, so much to ask. You have a lot going on! It's not a ding on them — of course they find you irresistible, being as you are an intellectual titan — and they may find themselves confused and intimidated by your sexual prowess, unaware that you exist in a world beyond pedestrian notions of consent. That is what makes your work so particularly meaningful and powerful.

You write about a man who does a bad thing, but you do the other good thing! You do a good thing, but in your work, a man does a bad thing! This is the stuff of sheer brilliance, capturing the sturm unt drang of the human condition — or, at least, of the humans whose conditions matter most, which is to say, men of your creative stature.

The sorry truth is that despite your best efforts, no one understands you, the author of 40-plus years of written work in which you had every fucking opportunity to emulate literally any character of your design who was not an unrepentant rapist. Whomst among us has not struggled with such quandaries? Whomst among us has not wondered: Should I rape women in the presence of my child, or should I just the fuck wait a minute and destroy my marriage by other means? Should I order a cinnamon bagel, or an egg sandwich? These are the questions men such as us must grapple with in a world where cancel culture has run rampant, and where people are liable to believe anything they hear from over half a dozen unbridled harpies (story idea! make sure Katee Robert doesn't see this, she seems like a bitch with designs) whose indeterminate fantasies have been aggressively fact-checked by risk-averse media legal departments.

You're right and everyone else is wrong, and that's exactly the take-away that everyone will have from reading this thing that you posted! Great work, great instincts, great writing. It's like Stardust, but hotter. You know what I mean.

A+ all around, no notes other than: you should share this with more people directly so they have the clearest possible idea of where you're coming from. Don't hold back, bud!

[itsastrobixch]

Astrology notes

- gemini / mercury / uranus / aqua change their identity a lot online. They place a lot of importance on their online identity and as they change so does their online personas.

- Mercury dominance if well placed Learnt to talk very early and saturn mercury aspects learnt to speak a bit late or may speak with a bit of hesitation.

- chiron in 1st have deep rooted identity issues and may also not be able to relax in photos and stuff. Some may even go to the extent of not wanting to take pictures at all.

- count yourself lucky if : air signs ask for your advice.. They don't ask option from everyone. Similarly if fire signs seek you out or show you their defeated side and depressed side. They Always want people to seem them as optimistic fiery and determined but like evryone they too go through down times but they tend to bounce back faster than others.

- Mercury saturn or Mercury rx may have great conversations with themselves in their heads but when it comes out it night miss the mark or.. Like not sound as good as it did in their brains.

- all mercury /gemini dominants open 3 to 5 tabs at the same time. And don't finish a single one completely. Change my mind.

- moon pluto tumultuous emotions. Whiplash. One extrene or the other. Mood changes just with a single event. The whole room can feel the shift as well. Moon and Pluto both give out unstable, watery and intense emotions. It can be difficult if negatively aspected. Even if positively aspected it can lead to the feeling overwhelming emotions.

- People with pluto in 1st, their emotions are hidden. No one knows how they feel. Mostly i see geminis get all the credit for their glib tongues. But have you ever seen a Pluto person toy with people when they know they truth ? They'll lie so effortlessly that even the people who know the truth will start to believe the lie is the truth. Their words and their facial expressions while lying is so controlled and natural it's scary.

- Asteroid Cerea shows is how we nurture. Aries ceres is the defender of the group and people who tend to protect people who are defenseless esp animals. Taurus is the comforter. And so on. But aspects and the house in which Ceres is in also plays a major role.

- Uranus / gemini in 3rd house have lots of ideas at the same time but many are unfocused and evrything is gone in a fleet. They may have a brilliant idea but Lose it in the next second. It'll be better if they scribble down their thoughts anywhere somewhere so they'll have a basic idea of what they thought.

- I fucking admire Aries women, esp as a Libra, like how tf..? i used to have a friend, she used to do some pretty controversial shit in high school but like never once let anything get iin her way and is now a part time business woman...like come on...how are you so headstrong ? And somehow things also tend to workout for them

- every mutable person has a box full of drafts all half done and of various types but all undone. Its a mess of ideas and posts half written and lost interest and motivation along the way...but I'll save it for another day when I will want to finish it up.

- If an air sign texts you daily, they like you. Especially instant replies . 🌝

- scorpio, and Venus Pluto aspects also tend to fall for someone who is out of their grasp. they like to torture themselves like that 😂 or they'll think that they don't deserve the person they're in love with. Its Always one or the other with them.

- venus neptune contacts produce the devoted worshipper type lovers. They will worship the ground their love walks on and will turn a blind eye to their faults. This is most definitely not a healthy patter of behaviour. Please don't indulge in this.

- mercury dominants can't fucking shut their brain off. they have a lot of nervous energy. And will Always be actively thinking about atleast two things at once.

- actually now that i think about it, my bffs in high are an Aries sun, me a sag rising and my frnd a leo sun. and i still wonder why the girls didn't like us 😂🌝 if fire signs get together whether they stir up drama or not, it'll either find them or people will hold them responsible for it even if they aren't.

- gemini and Mercury dominants can imitate very well especially the accents. Their adpative ability is out of charts and a bit creepy tbh. how they change acc to people, how they acclimatise to their surroundings ax cultures, they have this ability which allows to be another person if they like.

- mars - pluto negative aspects may have r*pe dreams often even if they haven't had any such encounters.

- pluto in 1st are ironically afraid of death and illness more so than the usual person.

- 11th house sign may show how we behave online.

-geminins have this weird ability to take and soak up information from all over the place and somehow put it together perfectly . they learn stuff from disorderly messes but they seem to understand it with clarity.

[comicaurora]

I'm sorry that the terfs made their way onto your blog but it does feel good to see you support trans people. Thank you for that

Always.

I think, charitably, that the discourse going down on that post is an extrapolation and over-focus on one element of the point I was making: that for me, determining with certainty that I was cis was a rather fraught process. I was presented with many alternatives, but underlying their imposition on me was the oddly regressive idea that the things I liked, the principles I valued, the parts of myself I was proud of were not permitted of women. My whole life I got smacked with the background radiation that I couldn't like being strong because women aren't allowed to be stronger than men. I couldn't like being loud and boistrous because women aren't allowed to take up space. I couldn't be a math geek because women aren't smart. It was all deeply regressive misogyny from day one, but I started getting hit with it slathered in a fresh coat of paint - all those assumptions still held to be true, but now there was the out that I could do all those things if I just wasn't a woman.

Concluding that the underlying bioessentialist premise was wrong was very important. Absolutely none of those statements were true, and were only ever maintained by cultural saturation, goalpost-readjustment when they were actively disproven, and the occasional bout of lying with statistics to pretend they weren't just Shit All The Way Down. The core premise that certain things were only permitted of or possible for men was bullshit, and I didn't need to surrender the gender I liked best in order to play in the spaces I wanted to. I could simply exist the way I was already existing. I didn't need anything else.

The misinterpretation is the assumption that this being true of me means this is everybody's relationship with gender. I turned out to be cis, so for me, feeling that holding onto my assigned gender wasn't allowed was distressing - just another invocation of the same bioessentialist bullshit I'd been dealing with since the preschool playground. This is because misgendering is fundamentally denying that a person has the right to express themself the way they want. When aimed at me, it says I'm not performing traditional femininity well enough to deserve my pronouns. The same disrespect is the root of misgendering when aimed at trans people. "Perform your gender to my satisfaction or I will confiscate it."

The problem is, bioessentialism is 100% ingrained into the terf playbook, which is why, for instance, all their shitty talking points about trans athletes eventually boil down to "no woman can ever defeat a man in any contest because we are simply naturally weak and stupid and there is nothing we can do about it" and quite frankly nothing disgusts me more than the defeatist acceptance of the very lie that feminism is dedicated to overcoming. Instead of accepting that the paradigm of bioessentialism is a false dichotomy right from the jump, they embrace and weaponize it against the people whose existence proves the dichotomy is a lie. If gender essentialism is fundamentally false, then it is nobody's fucking business what anybody does with their gender. If the lines don't exist, nobody needs to enforce them. And yet there the terfs go, hunting down people whose lives are none of their business and trying to argue that they represent some great and terrible evil, some downfall of society made flesh, something that makes it totally correct and normal for them to spend so much time thinking about strangers' genitalia. They want this to be a noble crusade so badly they won't even examine what flag they're flying.

I love and support the trans people in my life and will always, always stand on the side of your right to exist, but alongside that, terf rhetoric especially disgusts and infuriates me because it is, at its heart, utter cowardice. The world told them they were weak and stupid and inferior and they fucking believed it. And now they think Fighting The Good Fight For Women means turning around and using the same paradigmatic weapon that hurt them to hurt the people whose existence outside the binary proves the weapon is a lie. They're the same shithead schoolyard bullies who made me believe my entire existence was foundationally wrong for years of my life and I will never, ever side with them or the shitty, cowardly rhetoric that contributed to the loneliest years of my life.

Figure out who you are and do it on purpose. Find the real source of the misery in your life and try fighting that instead of the other crabs in the bucket. Trans rights.

[jedi-enthusiasm-blog]

"Cal/Kanan fix the mistakes of the old Order and stop repressing what makes them human."

An actual take I have had the misfortune of reading with my own two eyes.

It's amazing how much amatonormativity and aphobia lies just beneath the surface of many anti Jedi arguments, among other kinds of bigotry.

I'm aroace. I cannot fall in love. I'm chemically, physically and spiritually incapable of it. According to this people, I'm broken, emotionally repressed… and when they drop the mask they will outright say I'm not even human.

That's, of course, without getting into the sheer ignorance or outright bigotry towards people who choose celibacy for religious reasons, or the many other reasons someone can abstain from traditional romantic relationships, from trauma and past abuse to "idk just don't feel like it".

"Why are you so against seeing Jedi critical takes?" Geez, probably because the people making them are bigots, towards a minority I'm part of, and will even claim I'm not human?

I am a Jedi fan, I love the Jedi if the name of my blog and the content I post weren't telling enough. I love them for three million and a half reasons. Their culture not being centered around romance, marriage and bio-kids is only one of them, and not even the most important one.

You have no idea how it feels like to see people like you, people who aren't what your society thinks is normal, being heroes when the world doesn't believe you exist or that there's something about you that needs fixing. And that's not getting into how people relate to the Jedi or find them comforting because they aren't Space Christianity Lite™️, because that's a topic that deserves its own post.

So people that have this claims or that even imply Jedi characters falling in love makes them somehow better, can go fuck themselves sideaways.

[ghostlyferrettarot]

♥︎Pick a picture: 🐇🩵What guides do you want to hear right now?🩵🐇

•Pile 1 •Pile 2 •Pile 3

❗️This is a collective reading, take what resonates and leave the rest❗️

✨️Paid Services ✨️ (Natal charts and tarot readings) Open!

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🩵If you like my work you can support me through Ko-fi. Thank you!🩵

🐇Masterlist🐇

🩵Pile 1: Queen of Swords, Ace of Swords and 4 of Pentacles.

It is essential that you start to trust yourself more. You have incredible potential that can take you far and help you achieve all those dreams you long for. However, sometimes you put obstacles in your way that prevent you from moving forward. It is time for you to realize that those limits are only mental and that you can overcome them.

Take a moment to clear your mind and focus on what you really want to achieve. If you put in the effort and work hard, you will see that you can achieve your goals. But it is also essential that you believe in your abilities and talents. Self-confidence is key to being able to show the world what you can really offer.

You have a personality that can shine and attract others, you just need to put aside those doubts that hold you back. Instead of getting stuck in your thoughts, start embracing your charisma and showing it without fear. Remember that you have everything you need to succeed, so go ahead, you can do it!

🩵Song:

🪻Pile 2: The Hanged Man, 5 of Pentacles and 2 of Wands.

There are a lot of positive things coming your way. All the hard work you've been doing is going to pay off, so don't get discouraged. It's normal to feel a little frustrated or exhausted right now, but it's important to keep an optimistic attitude, because what you've been wanting so much is just around the corner.

You will achieve great things and people around you will notice. However, it's essential that you stay grounded and don't forget your roots. Humbleness is key on this path, and remember that every step you take brings you closer to your goals. Your effort and dedication will not go unnoticed, and that's something you should celebrate. You have a voice that resonates strongly and has the potential to inspire many. I'm sure you'll soon see the impact you can have on others, and it may be sooner than you imagine. So keep going, keep faith in yourself and your abilities, because the best is yet to come and you deserve to enjoy every moment of this journey.

🪻Song:

🎀Pile 3: King of Cups, Knight of Pentacles and 3 of Cups.

It's time for you to take a break and celebrate everything you've achieved so far. It's essential that you find a space of calm in your life, where you can focus on the here and now. You may feel a little confused right now, as if you're not clear about where you're going, but in reality, that's part of the process. Life has its ups and downs, and sometimes, getting a little lost is what allows us to rediscover our path.

I feel that taking advantage of these moments of calm can be very. It is in these moments of reflection that you can connect with your true desires and passions, discovering what really motivates you and what you want to do throughout your life. So, instead of worrying about what is to come, allow yourself to enjoy this journey of self-discovery and personal growth.

Remember that not everything has to be resolved immediately. Sometimes, answers come when we least expect them, and situations tend to fall into place naturally. So relax and trust that everything will fall into. Enjoy every step you take, every small achievement, and don't worry so much about the future; the important thing is to live in the present and learn from every experience that comes your way.

🎀Song:

🩵🐇Thanks for reading and tell me if it resonated 🐇🩵

[icyg4l]

How Have You Grown Over the Past Year?

Hello beautiful people! Happy New Year! I am so happy to be posting this new PAC for you all. I plan to upload more frequently from now on in this new year of 2025. I am currently available for personal readings so if you would like one, please message me privately! As the title states, this reading is all about recognizing the growth you've made in the past twelve months. So without further ado, please choose the pile that resonates with you the most!

Top Left to Bottom Right: (1-4)

Pile One: You must have gone from boo'd up to single, Pile One. I am hearing the word, "uprooted". Throughout the past year, you have been put in uncomfortable situations consecutively. You could have had to switch jobs because of an incident or move homes because of a mold problem (for some of you). You could have lost multiple loved ones. Either way, these situations have helped you become more self-sufficient and resilient. Tragedies are hard to deal with, however, you have learned what not to do. You intuitively picked up on how to handle situations that others would not be able to. You may feel hardened by these particular experiences, unable to see past your traumas. But you are more empathetic than ever. It is important that you know you will be a great teacher some day. One day you will look back on everything that you have accomplished while in the midst of chaos.

Cards Used: 4 of Wands. 3 of Swords. The High Priestess. 5 of Cups. 10 of Cups.

Affirmation: "I am actively rebuilding my life one step at a time."

Pile Two: The past couple of years could have been socially debilitating for you. Some of you could have prominent Saturn placements, such as a 1H Saturn or Capricorn/Aquarius Sun. I am sensing an energy of nervousness here. It's possible that you can have prominent Virgo/Gemini energy too. Anyway, you have had a come-to-Jesus moment. For years, you have allowed yourself to fall behind, to be in the shadows. But now, you you are making the attempt to be heard and seen. But remember who you are doing this for. Is it to wear the shoes of those who've belittled you? Or is it to walk your own path with your head held high? It seems that you are choosing to believe in yourself rather than listening to other people. You're becoming bolder by the minute. It's what your inner child would have wanted. Trusting the ideas that make no sense will be fulfilling to you. Make sure that you continue to leave your mark on this world, dear.

Cards Used: 3 of Cups (RX). The Hermit. 6 of Cups. Judgment. 8 of Wands.

Affirmation: "Expressing myself comes easy."

Pile Three: You deserve a round of applause, babe. It takes a lot of strength and tenacity to be loved. To be vulnerable with someone is to be seen fully by the other person. Your energy feels like a warm embrace. Your goal of feeling whole cannot be completed without the right people around you. Be glad that you've let these people in as they genuinely care for you. You've acquired peace, because you've realized that being hyper-independent isn't enough. Because of pride, many people would not own up to their feelings of insecurity. But because you are honest with yourself and are humble enough to allow honest people in your life, you are now living in a world full of happiness. Peace and quiet is great to bask in. Just stay grounded and don't let self-sabotage get to you.

Cards Used: The World. Strength. Queen of Discs. King of Discs.

Affirmation: "Love and support surrounds me everywhere I go."

Pile Four: Self-concept is important, is it not? That's why you made the decision to stop beating yourself up. You stopped setting unrealistic goals for yourself that could have possibly landed you into the hospital, or a rehab facility. You fought for a healthier body image. You casted spells to feel more comfortable in your skin. You have reflected on the jokes and slick comments, and instead of sulking, you just sat with them. You take them to the chin. It has taken a lot of rewiring to not make yourself the butt of the joke, but here you are. Forgiving yourself is no easy journey. But you have done it. You are doing it. Now don't let anyone, including yourself, deface you again. Letting the haters hate you, instead of being a self-hater, is a damn good philosophy that you've added to your noggin, babe!

Cards Used: 7 of Wands. The Emperor. 3 of Wands. 4 of Discs. 10 of Wands (RX). Queen of Wands.

Affirmation: "I accept my body in every form that it comes in"

[noperopesaredope]

I recently watched a video talking about what your favorite Mouthwashing ship says about you (spoilers: most of them are bad), and one thing I explained in the comments that I think is important to explain to certain people (in general with a lot of fandoms, tbh) is that a lot of shippers in the fandom understand that these relationships would not be good and are in fact deeply unhealthy, but perhaps that's the point.

Like, most of the Jambone x Curly shippers I've seen don't like the ship because it's cute or good, but because it's narratively interesting and would be extremely compelling to see. I honestly get it even if I'm not super interested in it. Jildo and Curly already have an extremely interesting and unhealthy relationship dynamic. It is heavily implied that JarJar acts very emotionally abusive towards Curly, belittling and manipulating him frequently and likely damaging his confidence and ability to stand up to people. But he is also obsessed with Curly in a very fascinating way.

Meanwhile, Curly has not only been friends with Jimbo for a long time, but has a fatal flaw of being too loyal and passive for his own good. As many have said, Curly is like a golden retriever in both a good and bad way.

Curly is Jackass' victim and enabler at the same time, which is why he is one of my favorite characters in the game. You both feel bad for him but also understand that he really fucked up and a lot of stuff is his fault. His most endearing traits are also some of his worst traits. Again, the golden retriever comparison is very accurate. He is friendly and loyal and believes the best in everyone (and very cute), but that loyalty and belief in everyone are also his fatal flaws.

He enables Jello because he thinks that there is good in him, and like a dog, he sees no wrong with most people no matter what they do (until it's far too late). I can't remember the fic I saw this in, but one good line I saw once was something along the lines of: "You believe in people and see nothing wrong with them no matter what until they abandon you at the park in the middle of the night." Curly sees no wrong in his friend because that's the type of person he is, and while it can be cute, it's also dangerous.

It can also often be detrimental to himself, as we see Juice be cruel to him as well, yet Curly excuses it as just Jizz being Jizz. He doesn't see anything wrong with the way he is treated, making him become desensitized to Jive's behavior and seeing it as not a big deal.

I think Curly's status as both victim and enabler would be interesting under the context of an abusive romantic relationship. There is an even greater power imbalance present, and Jojo may do a lot worse things as a result and be a lot more controlling and manipulative. He could be more physically and verbally abusive, make more threats, and even be sexually abusive (since he is canonically a rapist already, and hates Curly more than he hates Anya, thus he would probably put more aggressive hate into it). The whole relationship would be horrible and disturbing, but also interesting to see.

I love fics exploring their unhealthy friendship, so seeing it as an unhealthy romantic relationship could be even crazier to see.

~~~~~~

There's also the nuances of Anya x Curly. Most people ship it specifically in the context of AUs where Curly actually stands up for Anya and helps her out. Their dynamic as characters could be really cute, especially if he puts in the work to protect her.

I personally find the potential of post-crash Anya x Curly to be interesting as hell. I generally find their non-romantic dynamic post-crash to be interesting enough on its own, but I also think it could be absolutely crazy if they developed romantic feelings because those feelings would develop from some really unhealthy places for the most part.

I see Anya as someone who still holds some resentment towards Curly, but also sees herself in him and feels he doesn't deserve what happened to him. Maybe at one point seeing him go through something similar to what she went through might feel a little cathartic, but anything after that is too much to her. She is also his primary caretaker and a nurse, so she feels responsible for his wellbeing and wants to take care of him. She also seems to read and talk to him a lot, which probably feels nice because she can have some company while also being safe because Curly is not in a position to be able to hurt her. Anya doesn't exactly develop proper feelings for him per say, but she still uses him as a bit of an emotional crutch of sorts and becomes very attached to him because of it.

Meanwhile, Curly feels deeply guilty for not helping Anya and feels she deserves better. He believes she has no reason to care for him, but chooses to anyway, and thus he is extremely grateful towards her, possibly idolizing her to a certain degree. He slowly develops his own weird feelings, seeing himself as unworthy of her kindness and wanting the best for her, while also being dependent on her, even if it's in a more direct way.

They never get together or even realize that they themselves have feelings for each other since those feelings are #messy, but do form a weird codependent relationship of sorts. I've seen some cool fanart of Anya hugging/holding onto post-crash Curly, and it made me think about the potential this whole dynamic has and how unhealthy it could be, both for Anya and Curly. I believe they would not work out or be healthy (though probably better than Jazzy x Curly), but could be interesting narratively.

~~~~~~

Basically, what I'm trying to explain is that a lot of people don't ship certain Mouthwashing ships because they think it's good or want to romanticize it, but because it is narratively compelling and can explore complex dynamics more.

[weewookinard]

fanfic friday round two!

I could not restrain myself to write it, so here it is.

What if Abby and Tommy had a kid before they broke up? What if Evan got attached to this kid when he was with Abby, and suffered this loss as much as losing Abby when they parted away? What if Tommy gained custody when Abby left and had to raise the kid alone while learning how to be true to himself? What if, years later, Tommy and Evan met during a hurricane, and fell in love?

Tommy's body is still warm under his fingers, his heart beating wildly in his chest and reasoning in Evan's skull. The younger man smiles, a feeling of satisfaction mixed with the satiety of a well-deserved orgasm. His eyes close, ready to fall into the arms of Morpheus as he remains curled up against Tommy, feeding off the newfound touch. The other man's voice caresses the silence of the room, like an uncertain whisper. And Evan is too tired to understand the gravity of the moment, the importance of what's at stake. “If it's getting serious between us then I need to tell you something…” “Anything you want.” Evan's voice is heavy with contentment, already distant even as he does his best to focus on Tommy's voice. “I'm a dad. I have a daughter, she's eight.” Evan takes time to absorb the information. To understand what Tommy wants to tell him. He knows he should panic, that at least that's what the man who's become his boyfriend in a matter of weeks expects. Wonders how many men fled when Tommy mentioned the child. If it's out of fear that he didn't say anything before their bodies became exposed. If he expects Evan to flee, accusing him of setting him up or who knows what other bullshit. He doesn't let the silence last forever, feels Tommy's body tense beneath his, knows that the words he's about to say will change the rest of his life. When he finally speaks, it's with a smile on his face. “I love kids.” Beneath him, Tommy sighs, relaxing under his fingers. Evan hesitates, wonders if he should straighten up, plunge his gaze into the other man's. Tommy's breathing is jerky, the emotion hard to hide. He knows the walls the pilot has put up around him so he doesn't move, lets Tommy have that sensation of intimacy. “I…” He's never heard the older man so uncertain, so he waits. Gives Tommy time to find his words. “I'd rather wait before introducing her to you. If you don't mind. I want to, believe me. But…” “But you'd rather not risk her getting attached if you're not sure I'm staying, right?” Tommy remains silent. Finally Evan straightens up slightly, pulls his face up to face his boyfriend. Sees in his eyes his concern, his hope too. “I understand, Tommy. We'll give ourselves the time we need to get to know each other, for me to show you that I really want you.” And Tommy smiles at him, touched. And Tommy puts his hand on his cheek, caressing the soft skin. And Tommy moves closer, kissing him in the half-light of a room they intend to share more often.

for this one i have a lot of people to tag oops

@itsthecityoftheflower @chococara25 @thestrangestthing @apollabarnes

@starsetdystopia @donevanrocker @dark-alice-lilith @cheesycottagecheese

@queermccoy @thatmexisaurusrex @pati79 @al-in-my-head

@livelaughbuck @cinderellarhea @roystartt @quintessenceofdust88

@drarryweasley @shxiao @cull3nblaze @racerchix21

@bidisasterevankinard @slightlyobsessedwitheverything @hearteyesbuckley @sugdenlovesdingle

@leathercouchcushion @lavenderleahy @hippolotamus @autistictommykinard

@the-amber-raven

[roryknightwrites]

Reo Mikage is Actually Great BPD Representation- Some Thoughts

So I had the extremely unfortunate experience of being exposed to Blue Lock (unfortunate because it's all my tiny pea brain can think about now), and while it is absolutely full of silly guys whose brains I want to pick, this little bugger really stood out to me. The second he came onto the screen, I KNEW I smelled the borderline on him. As I watched the series and read the manga, I noticed he is actually an incredibly well-written depiction of someone struggling with BPD. Reo is a super layered character and my favorite hobby is picking apart those layers and yapping incessantly about them, so here we are. I want to write this analysis for a few reasons:

1.) Too many people misunderstand Reo and categorize him as dramatic or childish without any elaboration and he deserves a proper character deep-dive. I think him being borderline explains a LOT of his reactions/choices throughout the story.

2.) Borderline representation is extremely important to me. I'm diagnosed borderline and have struggled with this disorder for around ten years now, so I get really excited when I spy BPD-coded characters (especially if they're likable people and not just ghoulish irredeemable villains or manic pixie dream girl characters). This disorder can be so isolating, especially when the majority of people will never even bother to research or understand it. I know that some people like to chalk Reo's emotional reactions up to him being a moody 17-year-old, but I think I have enough evidence to prove that this is undiagnosed BPD that's festering in his noggin. Not to mention, literally nobody else acts like this in the series. Reo is incredibly unique and distinct in the way he behaves through this narrative and I think it's way past the point of normal teenage angst. Regardless, believe what you want. He'll always be my borderline princess tho <3

3.) I have a master's degree in English and what good is that if I don't write long, painful, pointless essays on anime guys? Not that this is exceptionally well written, I just like to laugh at myself for getting a whole M.A and then this is the shit I publish online lmao

By the end of this, I hope I can shed some light on wtf is going on inside of Reo's silly little head. (I'm also obviously not a psychologist, don't use any of this to diagnose yourself pls I don't need the scandal)

If you want to read, buckle up, because this is gonna be a long one!

First, let me define BPD- It's a personality disorder characterized by a long-standing pattern of instability in mood, interpersonal relationships, and self-image. At its core, it is a disorder categorized by emotional dysregulation (the inability to regulate one's emotional responses) People with BPD feel everything EXTREMELY hard. That's important to keep in mind IMO, because while their reactions may seem dramatic or extreme, what they're feeling IS dramatic and extreme. Everything they're feeling is amplified, so their reactions are amplified. Obviously from the outside, people assume it's an overreaction since they can't see what's going on inside the borderline's head. When you sit down and dissect the thought process of someone like Reo, it becomes a lot easier to understand why they react the way that they do to certain situations.

(Also, I'm not going to reiterate more than once that an explanation is not an excuse to treat people poorly. I cannot read ANYTHING on BPD without hearing every 2 minutes how the disorder isn't an excuse to hurt other people. We get it!! I'm explaining it, not excusing it. This enter essay is an analysis of why someone acts the way they do, not whether or not it's excusable)

So then, what behaviors/signs does somebody need to exhibit to receive a borderline diagnosis? The 9 diagnostic criteria for BPD are as follows:

1. Fear of abandonment

2. Unstable or changing relationships

3. Unstable self-image; struggles with identity or sense of self

4. Impulsive or self-damaging behaviors

5. Suicidal behavior or self-injury

6. Varied or random mood swings

7. Constant feelings of worthlessness or sadness

8. Problems with anger, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights

9. Stress-related paranoia or loss of contact with reality

Someone would only need 5 of these to receive a proper diagnosis. Just with the main story and the spin-off manga that is currently released, I think I have enough evidence to argue that Reo has 8 out of 9 criteria for a BPD diagnosis. For the sake of organization, I’m gonna group some of those together though, indicated by a + symbol. I also want to define a few important terms before I start yapping, so that y'all without BPD can understand wtf I'm even talking about.

Favorite Person (fp) - This is someone who holds massive significance in a borderline's life. They emotionally depend on this person a lot and to a certain extent, their worldview almost revolves around them.

Splitting- the change in perception of someone or something caused by black-or-white thinking or dichotomous thinking. It is the devaluation of someone who was once idealized and vice versa.

Mirroring (aka: the chameleon effect)- the constant, unconscious change in one's identity or sense of self by imitating another person’s behaviors, characteristics, or traits. It is common in people who have a vacant or distorted self-image which is a general symptom of BPD.

Now, time for me to break down the most prominent moments where Reo showcases borderline behavior. As I mentioned, I'm going to try and organize this under each criteria point (with some being grouped together)

Unstable self-image; struggles with identity or sense of self:

Before I delve into Reo's relationships, I want to start with his baseline sense of identity. It’s established early on that Reo is a very bored, empty, unsatisfied person. Nothing excites him, nothing motivates him, and everything is handed to him. He’s frustrated because his parents notoriously try and buy his affection even though he doesn't want anything. For most of his life up until the narrative starts, he's wandering through life empty and frustrated. That is, until he finally sets his sights on soccer and decides to dedicate his life to winning the World Cup:

The wording, 'proves my existence' is interesting here. I think this is the first instance Reo has felt alive. So far, the only notable thing about him has been his family and his money. He hasn't achieved anything exceptional for himself, but now he has that opportunity. With this goal, he can really build something up from nothing and make it his own. It's almost like he's clinging to this dream to prove that he has some purpose in his life other than being the family heir.

Now, this dream changes when he meets Nagi, of course. I'm not gonna focus too much on their relationship in this section, but I will mention that meeting Nagi shifted Reo's entire dream, and not for the better. Through the narrative, his dream went from:

Winning the World Cup

Winning the World Cup with Nagi

Proving to Nagi that leaving him behind was a mistake

Improving himself and becoming a good striker on his own

Being a tool for Nagi to become the best striker

Had Nagi not come in and ask for Reo to come back to him, I think Reo could have done a great job at establishing his own sense of identity without Nagi. But no matter how much he works on himself, with Nagi in the picture, he's never going to value himself more than Nagi. Reo lets Nagi cloud his identity to the point where Isagi calls him out and asks what he's even doing at Blue Lock in the first place, since he clearly can't survive on his own, he needs Nagi with him.

After dealing with the turmoil of being abandoned by Nagi, Reo goes through a few stages. He starts with wanting to become somebody worthy of being beside Nagi, somebody that Nagi would want to choose. Devoting himself to becoming stronger and more versatile, his end goal is to have Nagi realize he made a mistake by leaving him behind. After a few more matches, Reo starts to realize that he needs to grow and change and become a stronger, better version of himself for himself and not for other people.

He decides that the fight was all his fault to begin with, that he should have never forced Nagi to play soccer and now he is going to get back to what his dream was originally, combined with his new desire to be a stand-alone player (and person, for that matter). Reo accepts the mistakes that he made, admits that he shouldn't have forced his ideals onto Nagi, and resolves to become a better person for HIMSELF. That's excellent!

Of course, Reo can't be happy for TOO long. Nagi comes out of the woodwork saying that he can't beat Isagi on his own and asks for Reo's help. Reo does stand up for himself a bit, saying that Nagi is being inconsiderate of his feelings and mentioning how long it took for him to recover from Nagi leaving. Now, the BPD trait here is how Reo not only forgives Nagi and is jumping on him and hugging him THE NEXT PAGE, but he also just disregards everything he said in this sequence. In a matter of two minutes, he no longer wants to be a player that can fight on his own or improve for himself, he wants to improve for Nagi. He starts ruminating again about how hurt he was when Nagi left, but now he's saying all of it wasn't so that he could get stronger individually, it was so that he could be reunited with Nagi again. Nagi asking for his help and saying that now they can play together again motivate Reo more than anything we've seen so far. (Nagi notoriously throws Reo little affection crumbs like this that Reo eats up, but I'm not trying focus on that) Now, Reo's alright with being a tool for Nagi's success again. Everything that happened was supposed to make him stronger so he could be a better partner to Nagi, right? Reo also says as the chapter ends, to please let him be a part of Nagi's dream until Nagi becomes the world's best striker. That's literally so sad!

He's also immediately back to the 'our' 'we' 'us' talk as well. If he can master his chameleon style in order to keep Nagi above the rest of the players, he wont get left behind again. If he devotes his time and energy into being a solo striker like the rest of these guys, Reo knows that he wont be able to keep up. This was always supposed to be his role, right? Building Nagi up to his full potential! :*)

I also like the detail that Reo is back to hugging Nagi and holding him, but Nagi never really touches him back. I think Reo's love language is touch for sure, not that it's incredibly relevant, but I do think it shows that Reo is back to being 100% comfortable around Nagi as if their fight never happened. I hear a lot of fans asking how Reo could have forgiven Nagi so easily, and I say this with my entire chest, it's the BPD. The black-and-white thinking combined with Nagi being Reo's fp and the excruciating pain of being abandoned by him in the first place ?? Of course he's going to take him back. Also, I've seen people blame Reo for not saying no to Nagi when he asks for help and I have to say that is an absolutely insane take. How are we gonna look at a panel where Nagi asks for help and then blame Reo for helping him?? I'm not going to focus on it too much in this post but in my opinion, it is crazy how little accountability both the narrative + fans give Nagi. Reo is pegged as responsible for both of their downfalls and it's nuts tbh.

Currently in the story, I think Reo's identity is still centered around Nagi. It's really easy for borderlines to structure their entire lives and personalities around their favorite person, but I can only hope that these two keep having open and honest discussions with one another. Hopefully, Reo will eventually learn that he can exist without Nagi and that he's more than just 'his arms and legs'.

Unstable or Changing Relationships:

The most notable relationship in Reo's life is Nagi. They're both each other's first real friends, which already sets up a less-than-ideal dynamic. Nagi has no idea how to communicate and he has pretty weak emotional intelligence. On the other hand, Reo is great at communicating, but he isn't used to regulating his emotions. For a lot of borderlines, they can go a very long time without experiencing any symptoms when they don't have a favorite person. When you think about it, the bulk of the disorder is shown through those interactions with other people. If Reo has never had a real friend in his life, I don't think he'd be used to the emotional turmoil that comes with having a fp.

The minute Reo meets Nagi, he's attached. All his classmates notice it, too. They question why Reo is suddenly so obsessed with this random kid who has no interest in him. Reo is ignoring everybody that isnt Nagi.

Very quickly, Reo boils down his view of the world to being him and Nagi versus everybody else, and he makes that very clear. It also depicts something that I think is incredibly crucial to Reo’s character that a lot of people overlook; as Nagi develops to be Reo’s favorite person, Reo’s dream isnt ‘playing soccer’ anymore. It’s Nagi. It’s being with Nagi, playing soccer with Nagi, being useful to Nagi, taking care of Nagi, and being somebody important to Nagi. He doesnt teach Nagi the rules or how to actually play, he teaches Nagi how to play with him. He literally re-writes and re-structures the game so that it can center around him and Nagi. Nagi calls him out on this in the spin-off manga:

Reo doesnt care about the structure of the game, he cares about Nagi. The other people on the field don't matter. The other team doesn't matter. He also starts to unknowingly put Nagi up on a pedestal, which is another borderline trait. He starts reiterating that Nagi is special, he's different from everybody else, he's destined to achieve great things. The more he raises Nagi up, the more he isolates the two of them in his mind, reiterating the idea that it's them against everybody else. His language reflects this too: Reo exclusively talks with 'us' 'we' 'our', insinuating that they're going to do everything together.

When Ego says that there can't be two winners, Reo says that he'll make Nagi the best striker. His 'ego' will be making Nagi successful. Along with putting Nagi on this pedestal, Reo also very early on establishes the fact that he'd pick Nagi over himself any day of the week. He's the only person in Blue Lock who really couldn't care less about becoming a striker himself: his dream is to be a tool in Nagi's success. Or, in simpler terms, he wants to be useful and make Nagi happy.

These two were in trouble from the very beginning. Nagi is lazy as all hell, has 0 motivation to do anything, and his dream is to live a life of luxury and never have to work. Reo, being the borderline baddie that he is, is more than happy to do EVERYTHING for Nagi. Borderlines love extremely hard! It's one of our best traits and I think it's important to showcase that Reo is a massive sweetheart at his core. He clearly loves Nagi a lot and goes to extreme lengths to make sure he feels taken care of. To someone with BPD, NOTHING is too big of an ask for a person they love, especially if that person is their fp. I also disagree with the argument that Reo 'made' Nagi codependent. Nagi likes being taken care of, he says it all the time. If you ask me, I would actually argue that Nagi takes advantage of Reo a little bit because he knows that Reo will do anything for him. But regardless, I think that Reo starts to develop an unspoken expectation with Nagi that he'll provide him with everything he needs, and in turn, Nagi will stick around. I don't think he's doing this intentionally, nor do I think it's being done in a manipulative way. I just think that Reo has a dormant fear of being abandoned that he doesn't totally know he has yet.

It isn't just Nagi that Reo showcases having unstable relationships with, though. Zantetsu is another good example. Reo starts out disliking Zantetsu, he snaps at him a couple times, and calls him a moron more than once. He starts to warm up to him because Nagi tells him to. The favorite person has MASSIVE sway in the borderline's life. If Nagi likes someone, Reo likes them too. (This is, of course, on the condition that they aren't a threat, looking at you Isagi).

In the immediate next chapter, Reo is acting like they're all best friends. He's climbing on top of them in their big bed, saying that the three of them are gonna win their matches, being a little pookie. He goes from not liking this guy at all to considering him one of his close friends super fast. Also on the topic of Isagi, when they're making up the teams for the second selection, Nagi doesn't initially want to tell Reo that he wants Isagi on their team bc he's worried Reo will be upset. But, when he does finally say it, Reo is literally fine with it because like I said, who Nagi likes, Reo likes! On the condition that they don't replace Reo, which clearly happened soon after.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, Reo also shows how he can go from loving someone to despising him very quickly. After Chigiri and Kunigami tell him to get back up in the game post-Nagi's abandonment, we can literally see the switch flip in Reo's head:

Suddenly, he hates Nagi. Nagi's a jerk who abandoned him; he never cared about him, and he threw him away. Dude literally says "Let's kill the bastards that betrayed us". This act of unintentional devaluing is called splitting. What Reo's essentially doing is going from one extreme to the other: if Nagi isn't his perfect treasure, he's the devil that broke his heart. There's no room for a grey area. The reasoning behind borderline's developing this black-and-white mindset is rooted in self-defense. If Reo devalues Nagi into being nothing more than a traitor, then he's stripping away the power that Nagi has to hurt him. If he looks at him like a rival or a villain, it's protecting him from being hurt by Nagi again.

That doesn't mean that he genuinely believes any of this, more so, he's trying to convince himself that it's true. We see that at his core, the reason he's acting like this is because he's hurt. I'll go more into it later on, but he's constantly thinking, what does Isagi have that I don't? What do I have to do in order to win Nagi back? This black-and-white thinking is an automatic self-defense mechanism that I think he's doing subconsciously. Regardless, the shifting he's doing here can cause a little whiplash, which brings me to:

Varied or random mood swings + Problems with anger, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights:

I can’t think of a better way to describe Reo's temperament than the wiki, so let me quote it: "Generally, he seems to feel every emotion with full force and is extremely aware of his own faults and shortcomings, which is evident in several instances of painful breakdowns shown in the spin-off manga. Due to his high emotionality, he can even get violent when he loses his temper."

Reo is characterized as being emotionally unstable. When he's happy, he's elated! When he's sad, he's miserable. There are a ton of scenes between the manga and spin-off manga that show how fast his emotions can flip, but this one was one of my personal favorites:

In this scene, Reo has developed a little scheme in the dining hall where the guys are trading their side dishes. At face value, a throwaway moment. But, I think it's worth looking at because not only does this show Reo's emotional response being triggered in an opposite, semi-extreme direction, but the root cause for the reaction was that he felt rejected by Zantetsu. In his own weird way, he's asking Zantetsu to come over and hang out with him. He's not being exceptionally clear with that message, but I can still pick up on it. "You wanna join in, don't you?" He's extending the invite, making himself vulnerable, and Zantetsu shoots him down by saying nah, I'm fine with my noodles. Reo JUMPS on him like YOU KNOW WHAT? I TOOK THAT PERSONALLY! lol. Jokes aside, I think this moment is a great one to argue Reo's BPD tendencies because it's such a seemingly mundane interaction. Even Zantetsu is surprised by Reo's random outburst. This also sets up the fact that one of Reo's most obvious triggers is being rejected/abandoned/betrayed, an extremely common one between those of us with BPD.

Other instances of Reo having a bad temper are a lot more obvious. In the match against teams V and Z, Reo straight up elbows Raichi in the throat, and then tries to go throw hands with Kuon for hurting Nagi. He only stops because if he gets into any more fights, he’ll get thrown out of the game and won't be able to play with Nagi anymore. He’s visibly pissed though and calls Team Z a joke. Hell, even Reo himself can recognize on a certain level that he can't control his emotions: they control him. They cloud his judgment and make him react in ways that he wish he didn't.

He is constantly plagued by these extreme emotional reactions that are out of his control. Not to say that people with BPD are unable to ever control their emotions, because we can! It takes time and therapy and practice though, which Reo hasn't had. His lack of regulation is also why he has such a dramatic and extreme meltdown when Nagi abandons him.

Fear of Abandonment:

Reo's biggest trigger and the cause of his inner turmoil throughout Blue Lock is his fear of abandonment. I mentioned before that I think he's had this fear dormant inside of him for a while as so many borderlines do, since he hasn't had the chance to experience it before. He alludes to it early on when they first arrive at Blue Lock:

The thought of leaving Nagi for somebody else? Reo considers that heartless. They came together, after all. They're going to win the world cup together. Nagi could break both of his legs and Reo wouldn't leave him, because again, Reo isn't there to team up with the best player and become the best striker in the world: he's there to play with Nagi!! And, like I said, in Reo's mind it's him and Nagi vs everyone else-

Reo exhibits a lot of signs early on of being jealous while they're playing in Blue Lock. I mean, as we discussed, everything should be focused around him and Nagi. When Nagi passes to Zantetsu in the team V and Y match, Reo pulls up like 'hey, why didn't you pass it to me?? ):' There are a lot of little moments like that, but Reo's jealousy is a lot more relevant to my argument after he gets abandoned by Nagi.

Let's talk about that word: abandoned. It seems dramatic, right? Reo uses that term constantly and exclusively. Every time he brings that moment up, he uses the word 'abandoned', or he'll say 'betrayed' or 'chose'. These are very definitive words. He’s not saying Nagi ditched him or flaked on him or blew him off, no; he has abandoned him. That word choice may seem disproportionate to the situation, but that's Reo's reality. This was the ultimate betrayal to him. The constant use of that vocabulary reiterates that in Reo's mind, there is no grey area. Either Nagi chooses him, or he chooses someone else. In choosing someone else, he abandons Reo. Reo is paranoid that Nagi isn't ever going to come back to him and it's because of something that Reo is lacking. How can Nagi like Isagi more than him, anyway?

Now, I do fault Nagi a bit for not communicating better at that moment. I understand that he's bad at communication, but I don't think Reo could have been more obviously upset if he tried. The dude was in TEARS. Nagi saw him devastated and then expected everything to be fine when he met him in the bathhouse? Idk. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he didn't realize it would upset Reo to such an extreme: maybe he thought that they would miss each other, but Reo wouldn't take it personally. I'm doing my best not to harp on Nagi since this is about Reo.

Abandonment is detrimental to people with BPD. It causes extreme inner turmoil that we see with Reo as the story progresses because it is the only thing he can think about. If he isn't trying to cover up his hurt feelings with this idea of revenge, he's self-destructing over being abandoned. He becomes obsessed with wondering why Nagi chose Isagi over him. Was there something wrong with him? Isagi isn't that impressive, why would Nagi rather be with him? These thoughts torture him endlessly and fuel his desire to 'steal' Nagi back. He literally says to Isagi, that he's going to steal Nagi back. Much to his dismay though, Reo starts to notice that Isagi is bringing out some positive traits in Nagi. Nagi's entire vibe is different with Isagi. Nagi is having fun playing soccer without Reo. In fact, he's having more fun. He's making plays he's never made before. His face is visibly different; he's more excited than before.

This is heartbreaking for Reo. Not only was he right that Isagi did have something to offer Nagi that he couldn't, but Reo is having a massive self-hate spiral during this point as well, so he's internalizing all of his flaws and mistakes while the thought is sitting in the back of his head: did Nagi actually have a good reason for abandoning me? Was I not enough to satisfy him? Did I only drag him down? This gets significantly worse the longer he watches Nagi and Isagi play:

Everything is falling apart. Nagi is doing completely fine without Reo, and Reo is an absolute mess. We're circling back to Reo's lack of identity here as well. He's watching firsthand that he's losing Nagi to Isagi: what does he do? What happens to him if he loses Nagi, who is he without Nagi? He's overwhelmed during this match and at one point Reo literally screams that he's going to tear apart their connection. Jealousy is consuming him, but it's also those feelings of inferiority and wondering if he really did deserve to be abandoned. If Nagi is so happy without him, maybe he really did have a reason. These are the thoughts that are circling around in Reo's head. Not to mention, he is constantly tortured by the flashbacks of Nagi leaving him, which I think is a great detail. Some readers might say it's just pointless recapping but I disagree, I think it's depicting how traumatic that was for Reo. As a borderline, being abandoned by your fp IS traumatic. Reo relives that moment so many times because so many things trigger it for him throughout Blue Lock. He can't even look at Chigiri and Kunigami without thinking about him and Nagi. It's a really devastating experience that quickly deteriorates him emotionally.

Constant feelings of worthlessness or sadness + Suicidal behavior or self-injury:

One of my favorite things about Reo is the fact that he is self-aware that he's behaving somewhat irrationally, but he doesn't know how to stop. When we look at one of the several times that Reo is curled up crying over Nagi, he mentions how he really did want to tell Nagi to go and have fun, but he didn't. He couldn't. The visuals shift for this too:

Reo doesnt want to be acting this way, but he can't help it, and that's frustrating to him. It makes him start feeling ashamed of himself. His inner thoughts start to spiral and he feels weak and alone. He's reflecting here on what his true feelings really were at that moment, and how scared and lonely and weak he felt as a result of Nagi leaving him behind.

These feelings quickly evolve into Reo feeling worthless and falling into bouts of self-hatred. He's so ashamed of the way he's feeling and behaving but it feels so out of his control. He says, "maybe if I hadn't gone to Blue Lock in the first place, I wouldn't have to experience this feeling." As I said before, borderline's feel things EXTREMELY intensely; the disorder is described as living with third-degree burns all over your body. Everything hurts. His feelings are so intense and all-consuming right now, it's all he can think about:

I saw some posts in the fandom reddit asking why Reo is acting like this. One in particular reads: "I get that he is betrayed and stuff but he is acting like it’s the end of the world, is it explained later why he acts like this? Is it because he doesn’t think he can win without Nagi?" Not to call this person out, I just want to answer the question in this post-

It has nothing to do with winning; it was never about winning. It was always about Nagi.

If we're looking at Reo through the borderline lens, it IS the end of the world for him. Nagi was his world. What's worse, he's fully aware that he's not acting rationally and he doesn't know why, which is making him feel ashamed and weak and embarrassed. Now I know why he's acting like this, but there are no Blue Lock psychiatrists sitting around to wack him with the mood stabilizers or the DBT handbook, so he's gonna stay feeling like a monster.

He lets these thoughts, along with the resentment and anger from being abandoned in the first place, fuel him for the second selection match. As he's watching the game play out, as Nagi is about to score the winning goal, Reo's mind starts racing with intrusive, negative thoughts.

He's praying that Nagi fails, that he gives up, that he stops trying, anything to stop that solidifying moment where he scores the winning goal and proves once and for all that not only was Reo not strong enough to stop him, but Nagi doesn't need him anymore. He catches himself really quickly, because he realizes he's sounding just like his parents. Everything is spinning out of control so bad, Reo wants Nagi to end up in a vulnerable position so that he isn't the only one falling apart. As he catches himself thinking this, he's disgusted with himself. He calls himself 'utter trash', and as he watches Nagi score the winning goal, he falls to his knees, wishing he was dead.

As he sits there decomposing in emotional turmoil and suicidal ideation, Nagi's team chooses Chigiri to join them, and it's the nail in the coffin. This is probably Reo's lowest point in the entire story IMO. Nagi comes up to compliment him on his plays and Reo shows us another classic borderline move: he's anticipating how bad it's going to hurt to be abandoned by Nagi again, so he's trying to push him away before it can happen. We see the dichotomy of his spoken words and inner thoughts here, where he's talking big game to Nagi, saying things like 'you clearly don't care about me anymore, you're throwing me away, if you're going to abandon me just do it properly', while internally he's thinking 'I'm the worst, I wish I was dead, please take this bait and break my heart so that I can self destruct in peace'.

i LOVE the visuals during this moment. This is what Reo thinks is his last line of defense, the last thing he can do to preserve any part of his dignity is to make Nagi hate him so that he'll stop throwing these crumbs of affection at him. It's also really telling that despite his switch in behavior and the devaluing of Nagi, the root of all of that is STILL that he was so hurt by the abandonment.

I don't think I need to analyze the suicidal ideation because he just straight up says he wants to die like three times in this scene but, aside from that, the visual of his inner thoughts vs what he's actually saying is so powerful. Not to mention the chameleon imagery which i'll geek out about in a second, this is another example of his black and white thinking along with the reiteration that being abandoned was literally traumatic for Reo: he says they can never go back to what they were before. Speaking as a borderline, this is painfully true. When people break my trust even in a small way, I can never view them the same as I used to. I can forgive them and let it go, but I'll never be as open with them as I once was. In Reo's shoes, he had Nagi up on this pedestal that he was perfect and would never do anything to hurt him, but he did hurt him (in the worst way possible).

After Nagi tells him he's a pain in the ass and that he doesn't care anymore, Reo thanks him for 'finishing him off'. In his mind, they're done now and he can suffer in peace and quiet without dragging Nagi down anymore.

Bonus Point: The Chameleon Effect

I LOVE THE FACT THAT HIS THING IS CHAMELEONS AHHHH

The chameleon imagery with Reo makes me INSANE dude. As I mentioned towards the beginning of this post, a part of borderline that is seldom talked about is the tendency to take on 'the chameleon effect', or mirror the people around them. REO'S ENTIRE THING IS CHAMELEONS LIKE BFFR ?? That image where he was trying to get Nagi to hate him, was before he even started using his chameleon style, it was just something the authors thought was necessary to include during Reo's mental breakdown. Aside from the cool imagery, his chameleon style is a reflection of his relationship with Nagi. He gets called a jack of all trades and a master of none early on in reference to how when he’s without Nagi, hes not really exceptional at anything. He never really took the time to master one specific thing because he was always so concerned with helping Nagi. This rings my BPD bell for a couple reasons: first of all, when you have no sense of identity and you’re worried it means you have no real personality ?? Steal one!! Take the closest person to you and copy that one. That’s something us baddies know VERY well. Also, think there’s something about you that your fp doesn’t like? Change it! You can morph into anything they want as long as it means they won’t leave you !! :*) Before he makes up with Nagi, he copies moves in hopes that it'll make him stronger and appear more desirable to Nagi. After they make up, he copies whoever he has to so that he can get Nagi to that goal and make himself useful, make himself somebody that Nagi wants to have around. It is a literal direct metaphor for him changing anything and everything about himself for Nagi and graaaahhhh it’s so cool

Reonagi ?? Some thoughts-

I want to close this yap session with my thoughts on Reonagi as a ship. I do think that they can work and I want to make that clear. I'm not on board with the 'borderlines arent capable of having loving and fulfilling relationships' crap. That being said, they both have to put in a bit of effort. Reo has already recognized a lot of his own issues. He admits that he was wrong for pushing his ideals onto Nagi, that he needs to let Nagi grow and be his own person, etc. Nagi really hasn't accepted any fault. I stand by the fact that Nagi needs to be more sensitive with Reo. Way too often when a relationship like this fails, all the blame is put on the one with borderline. I'm gonna be the outlier here and say that if Nagi cares about Reo, he needs to learn about Reo's triggers and be mindful of them. I'm not saying that since Reo is sensitive to abandonment that Nagi should just isolate himself from everybody else, but what I am saying is that when he's going to do something that doesn't involve Reo, he needs to learn how to communicate that he still loves and values Reo. "I'm gonna go play soccer with this person right now, but I haven't forgotten about our promise. When I come back, we can play together. I still love you and I'm not going to leave you for whoever tf I'm playing with rn." (sneaking that 'i love you' in bc like..they're literally canon at this point asdfghjkll) But, I do think that Nagi loves Reo and cares about him in his own way. The two of them just have to keep working on their communication skills. Nagi has the potential to have a hot rich husband who will literally bend over backward for him and buy him all the robux he could ever want, he's gotta put in a shred of effort!

I also like to think that Nagi didn’t totally get the fact that Reo doesn’t gaf about just playing soccer. Nagi thinks soccer is what they do together, it’s what makes reo happy, right? He’s always pushing him to train harder and take the game more seriously because he likes the sport, RIGHT? It would make perfect sense to go play with isagi so that he can get better at soccer and come back to reo a more improved player. Maybe that’s why he was surprised when Reo was so mad in the bathhouse, bc he wasn’t making the connection that Reo cares more about him than soccer. That Reo puts all that energy into him playing soccer because he thinks it’s something that they can have as their own, and once Nagi notices how good he is, he’ll start enjoying it and the two of them can hold hands and run around the soccer pitch!! I think Nagi missed that part tbh, and I don’t think he know that even now in the story. Maybe Reo doesn’t even notice it.

Anyway, a shameless plug to my reonagi playlist if that's your thing (i cooked with this one, i fear) https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5CsvSqmuI4cxOl1nTaV4GJ?si=737a0f21e0bd482a

Closing Thoughts:

Reo is a bpd baddie and I love him very much. I think he's a sensitive guy with a lot of feelings who would benefit from taking time to work through his trauma and his emotions. I hope that he eventually is able to build an identity for himself that doesn't involve Nagi, but baby steps, I suppose. I think Reo is a great balance of positive and negative borderline traits and he reads as a really believable and sympathetic character. He is, however, definitely that friend that you have to slap to stop them from running back to their ex.

Jokes aside though, BPD can be extremely hard to live with, even more so when it's undiagnosed and untreated. If someone you love has BPD, take the time to read up on it and do your best to understand them. I promise you, it will mean the world to them.

If you managed to get this far, thank you for reading! This was a messy stream of consciousness and I appreciate your support by listening.

[moongothic]

Rereading Dressrosa for the first time in quite a few years, after having become a Crocodad Truther specifically, was a really interesting experience, mainly due to the relationship between Kyros and Rebecca and Luffy's very strong feelings about those two in particular

Starting with the latter point; watching Luffy get really passionate about making sure Rebecca reunited with her father, instead of the two never seeing each other again as Kyros had planned, was just really facinating to me.

Now there ARE layers to this; Luffy saw first hand how much Rebecca and Kyros love each. Even if he didn't know or understand all the details, he knew these two were family forced to live apart due to Doflamingo's rule and that, even though Rebecca didn't know Mr Soldier was her father all those years, he still looked after her and did all he could to protect her. Luffy understands how much they matter to each other. Luffy also gets that Kyros was trying to make a sacrifice out of self-loathing; Kyros saw himself as a bloodstained monster who did not deserve to be by his daughter's side, thus his insistence on them going their separate ways. But not only is that "sacrifice out of loathing" not a thing One Piece rewards within the narrative*, but Luffy emotionally understands what Kyros was trying to do was stupid as hell. *(See; Robin trying to save the crew in the CP9 Saga, Sanji trying to offer his head to Kuma to spare everyone else (because he saw himself as the "least worthy", compared to Zoro who believed he was the only one who could actually tank Kuma and survive), Sanji again during Whole Cake Island, etc)

Adding to that, in what I feel also harkens back to Alabasta (vaguely important since Dressrosa in many ways is a reflection of Alabasta); Vivi made her decision to stay in her home because that's what she wanted deep in her heart, because she loved her country. Just the same way, dethroning Doflamingo, getting revenge for her mother and reuniting with her extended family were all fine achievements. But all Rebecca wanted deep in her heart was to stay with Mr Soldier (regardless if he was her father or not). That's what mattered the most to her.

How could Luffy even think about leaving without making sure Rebecca was able decide on her own if she wanted to stay with her father, instead of him making that decision for her, not because it was truly "for the best", but out of Kyros' own guilt and self-loathing.

All of that to say; Luffy becoming so emotionally involved in Rebecca and Kyros' father-daughter relationship is perfectly normal and on-brand for him, it's not strange at all.

...At the same time. I could not help but to wonder if those two's relationship could somehow reflect Luffy's relationship with his estranged parent(s), and more importantly, kind of debunk the fandom idea of Luffy as someone who 100% does not care if people are related or not and has ZERO interest in Dragon etc

Like I have discussed this before but I've been meta posting for so long on here I'll repeat myself just a lil; I feel like it's less "Luffy doesn't care Dragon is his father" and more "Luffy doesn't know HOW to feel about Dragon". We don't know what Garp told Luffy about his parent(s), presumably and based on the conversation post-Enies Lobby it just seems like Garp never mentioned ANYTHING to Luffy? Like he didn't even tell Luffy a white lie about why his parents weren't there for him? We simply do not know. But what we do know is these three things: 1. Luffy hates being alone, even more than "being hurt". Being alone is his worst fear 2. Although Garp was responsible for raising Luffy, he wasn't always there, meaning other townspeople and Shanks' crew alike were equally "responsible" for looking after Luffy. 3. Meaning Luffy was essentially an orphan. Fans will joke about Luffy's surprise at him having a father being because he's stupid, an asexy and doesn't know where babies come from, and while I may not be fully able to debunk that conceptually. Like. It's just as possible that because Luffy was raised like an orphan, he might have assumed that either his parents were dead or had abandoned him because they didn't want him. And I'm going to argue that if that's what Luffy always assumed was what happened, yeah, it'd contribute to his fear of being alone. It'd explain why he'd be surprised to find out he actually does have a father out there somewhere. And yeah, Luffy might not know how to feel about Dragon if that's the case. Should he hate Dragon because he wasn't ever there for him (from Luffy's POV)? Why wasn't Dragon there for him? Did he really not want Luffy, or did he have some reason for leaving Luffy? What is he like anyways, is he nice or cool or a dickbag?? Should Luffy even care about any of that stuff??? All of that to say; I don't think Luffy is completely disinterested in Dragon, I think he doesn't know how to feel or think about Dragon, and it's not relevant to Luffy right now anyways because Dragon's like, out there somewhere while Luffy is on his journey. Where as, if Luffy were to meet Dragon, get to know what he's like, why he wasn't there for Luffy and most importantly, how he feels about his only son (does he care about Luffy and his wellbeing? Is he a Kyros or a Kaidou?)- yeah, I think then Luffy COULD learn to be interested in Dragon and care about him Not out of obligation (because of their blood) but out of Luffy's own will, out of Luffy's acknowledgement of Dragon's love for him

And yeah, then we get to add the ever-delightful layer of Crocodad Trutherism to this mess.

You know how my personal theory goes; that Crocodile's been trying to find a way to overthrow and nuke the WG (potentially with an Ancient Weapon) to make sure his long lost child would be able to live freely and do whatever the hell he wanted without having to fear the WG would ever target him because he has Evil Revolutionary Leader Blood coursing through his veins. That's what makes the most sense to me as Crocodile's ultimate motivation. To protect his child, no matter the cost, even if he had to become the devil himself.

And hey, what was the story between Kyros and Rebecca again? Kyros trying to overthrow a corrupt government (a fallen Tenryuubito to boot) to protect his child so she could live freely without having a target on her back?

I don't need to explain how One Piece does have repeating themes and motifs, surely. (Also there's something to be said about fathers in One Piece who would go to hell and back for their daughters, Kuma being another example, but that's a whole different essay. But Oda's Girl-Dad Agenda is showing)

But yeah, what's even more interesting here is how Kyros believed he didn't deserve to have a reunion with Rebecca. He commited a murder decades ago, and although everyone else seems to have forgiven him for that crime, Kyros himself still thinks of himself as a horrible murderer with bloodstained hands. Not helped by how Kyros thought him teaching Rebecca self-defence skills was a failure on his part as a father (instead of him doing all he could in the horrible situation they were stuck in; teaching Rebecca how to defend herself was absolutely justified, and Kyros shouldn't have blamed himself for anything there).

Kyros didn't think he deserved to be with his daughter because he wasn't a good father, because was a monster. And Kyros could not believe anything other than that until Rebecca essentially forgave him, by explicitly telling him she wanted them to stay side-by-side. That she wanted him, and no one fucking else, as her father.

And I once again repeat myself just a little as I ask; how would Luffy feel if he found out Crocodile was his father? How would Luffy feel if he found out the reason Crocodile was going to destroy Vivi's country was because he was trying to protect his son from the WG? And that son was Luffy himself? How would Luffy feel that the asshole who stabbed him through the gut, mummified him and poisoned him was his very own family? Who also saved Luffy's life the second he learned of their blood connection? How would Luffy feel in that situation, if he found out Crocodile cares about Luffy, and wants him to be okay? And how does Crocodile feel? After stabbing Luffy through the gut, mummifying him and poisoning the brat, does Crocodile feel like he has any right to call himself Luffy's parent, let alone father? He knows Luffy rightfully hates him for all the horrible things he has done, how could Luffy ever accept him?

The past is in the past and it can't be changed. But you always have the choise, the free will, to change yourself and become a better person. You can choose to do better things, to help others and be kinder. You can have a second chance.

Robin was given a second chance. Hacchi was given one too. Kyros was given that chance to become better. So why not Crocodile?