#this is really me just fucking venting dont mind me
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
this is really stupid but like.
... is there anyone else in this fandom whose twin has died? am i the only one?
#i just had the thought and its#bizarre to me idk#its tripping me out#on one hand im like surely not i cant be the only person in the vast reaches of the world im not SPECIAL#but then im also like#idk its#pretty niche#i am losing my mind thinking about this and i dont know why#why isnt my trauma RELATABLE what the FUCK ://////#how am i supposed to be a lovable protagonist like this#i hate how this shit makes me so jaded and angry and cynical its really silly#bluh bluh bluhhhhh#cw sibling death#tw sibling death#sibling death#family death#cw family death#tw family death#vent#personal#txt posts#im gonna go draw some disaster twins or smth so i stop being such a bummer#my therapist told me beig sad on main is okay
88 notes
·
View notes
Text
okay. hello guys. my bad for not responding to stuff or being as active recently, had a lot of work to be done and other stuff to focus on that took a lot of my time. I wanted to make more art, but I unfortunately had to put that energy into other things (which got to the point where I could not put them off any longer and had to stay working on it). I know I missed a lot of stuff and I'm sorry for it
#unfortunately there are moments where i am forced back into reality#and i remember that i cannot actually spend my life creating and hiding away forever!!! crazy#honestly a lot of it has also been the fact that i am just tired everytime i get home#and my health issues that have been steadily building up#they're really catching up on me and ive been having to visit the clinic more than im happy with#theres just a constant sense of fatigue nowadays#also uh#admittedly my interesting in Alien Stage has been waning#not replaced by any other media in particular. just started focusing on irl life stuff more often#which is why i barely post on shakingparadigm anymore/dont really post anything of substance#its really mostly this alnst oc thing that makes me want to stay because i genuinely enjoy and adore what we've created here#im pretty invested in this even though im not as invested in the source material anymore#not to say i dont like alnst anymore! i still do. i just don't dedicate all my attention to it anymore#which is for the best actually. because admittedly the things and time i have sacrificed for alnst did create a few consequences#sometimes i forget how bad a hyperfixation can fuck me up#again I'm really sorry for everything I've missed#and for being late to apris birthday#and the solauri round#and more#amazing stuff that you guys have made#me bones just dont work like they used to i fear. please give me time#im.sorry again#sorry this post might seem kind of depressing#just dont mind it if you want#thanks for your time#misc#rant#(?)#vent
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
yk if i didn't grow up in a constant state of emotional repression, id probably be a disaster right now
#vent post look away look awayyy#ohhhhh theyre really trying it this time...#yall if you have piece of shit family members that you've cut off#dont EVER give them an inch. dont give them the time of day#doesnt matter their relation to you doesnt matter their feelings. fuck em#you cut them off for a reason and trust me they will only Prove your reasoning#FUCK EM!!!#absolutely unprompted#i believe... that perhaps.... there may be a restraining order in my future!!#omg i hope so that would be sooooo satisfying <3<3<3#come anywhere near me and i will metaphorically bite yer dick off <3<3<3#shits getting Messy again!!!! weeee!!!!#at least i have a fun new update for my dearest buddy sockeyesidequest <3#anyway im literally looking at this 'family' drama#and i feel like a rabid dog on a chain. just let me go. please. please. its fine i dont bite (lying) im totally peaceful#i totally dont have a whole life of bottled up unrealized rage to unleash. double prommy <3#'let me know if i can help ill give him a piece of my mind' i say as if i dont actively fantasize about getting his blood on my knuckles
45 notes
·
View notes
Text
the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
This will probably get looks from performative and ultimately harmful non-transfems despite my being transfem but-
Some y'alls only interaction with feminist history and theories, radical feminism regardless of its intersectionality and really any feminism deeper and louder and meaner than blatant choice feminism like the barbie movie and whatever TF taylor swift thinks shes got going on is through your occasional and short interactions with terfs and it shows. You call vagina art terfy and it fucking isnt. Its feminist art. Your brainrot is making you a fucking mra. The fact y'all think talking about the man vs bear situation is about/started/ran by terfs (and encouraged some really questionable other transfems shitting on it despite it clearly just being about women's safety and yes all men, not transphobia.), everything from questioning wether certain groups belong in our community to thinking a word is a slur or having a lesbian icon (I have sources don't test me) or not to not liking a certain band has been called "terf rhetoric". I'm all for us Transmascs talking about how terfs affect us cause they absolutely do and their harm to the transmasc community can not be understated but like.... Y'all are not allowed to call Jack shit terf rhetoric anymore. Like nothing. You don't know what it means, you litterally call transmedicalism and sysmedicalism terf rhetoric. Do you mean exclusionist? Say exclusionist. Terfs are not the end all be all hate group. They have a very specific complex mindset that affects so many people in specific ways. Someone hating Neopronouns is not fucking terf rhetoric. It's nbphobia. Holy fuck. Learn what words mean.
(intersectional trans radfems exist, radical feminism isn't terfs and swerfs and historical radfems would laugh in their faces for their idiocy)
#clover speaks#clover vents#hating bi lesbians is not terf rhetoric vagina art is not terf rhetoric medical sexism is not a terf topic#everytime you call some form or bigotry or some form of deep cut feminism you dont know shit about terf rhetoric#another trans person loses their wings#terfs harm people via certain avenues in specific ways#you've turned it into a fucking meaningless buzzword to decribe everything from opinions you dont like to actual bigotry#its basically gotten the exclusionist radical regressive gatekeep gaslight terreatmemt#words that mean very specific real things but gets so overused it means fuck all now#if your explanation for why something is supposed terf rhetoric is just something something splitting the community#something something exclusionary something something heard one say it once then you dont have the authority to fucking talk about it#I've been in the trenches fighting terfs and learning about their veiws and mindsets to accurately fight and rehabilite them#the hell they've actively put me and many other trans people through can not be understated#one called you a name one sent you a hate anon and sudeenly your the master of knowledge? gtfo#the specifics and deep rooted hate and history of that group is serious and every time you call some fucking#meaningless community discourse about if some inane insult is a slur like stupid or freak and call it terf rhetoric#you give terfs more fog to hide in you obscure the enemy that much more#you make it harder to find real actual terfs and their nazi friends when you call a fucking antikin a terf for being antikin#stop comparing other groups to terfs and heres a quick ajd easy way to identify if something is actually fucking terf rhetoric#dose the topic specifically talk about terfs or terfism or transmysogny/transandrophobia in the context of exclusionary radical feminism?#if the answer is yes then their might KEY WORD MIGHT be terf rhetoric involved.#if the answer is no then its not fucking terf rhetoric plain and fucking simple#find another buzzword milo because transmedicalism by definition cant BE FUCKING TRANS EXCLUSIONARY RADICAL FEMINIST RHETORIC#God this fucking community sometimes is so fucking exhausting#reminding me yet again that its mostly young and mostly people who lose their minds when i bring up terfs and racism#and yes you perisex afab trans person who thinks this isnt about you and the random shit youve false flagged as terfy#this is about you and your misusage of a serious allegation and association to falsely claim some terminally online take is terfy#You just make me hold my head in my hands and sigh really loud and try not to send you to the shadow realm#Not everything an alleged terf believes makes something terfism or terfy#please actually learn what words mean before you use them and make an ass of yourself called some tranfem exclusionist a fucking terf psyop
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
🫧
#tw: vent#so my mother is basically mean to me like 99 % of the time and we literally argue every single day#and i have been trying my hardest to not pay any heed to what she tells me but recently she told me something that really#made me feel so incredibly hurt and stupid idek how to put thaf into words#i avoid sharing things with her because she makes me feel bad about even the tiniest most unnecessary thing i share with her#so basically i have this one friend who was staying away from home for uni and she lives near me so i always try to be there for her#becayse i know how lonely it gets for her and i always go everytime my friends need me and my mom hates that#she makes me feel like being nice to my friends and others is the dumbest thing on this planet and that im stupid#but if my sister does it she's an angel#i was just waiting for my friend to figure things out as she was moving back home after uni ended so we could go look at internships#toghether#and she went home and got a job and while im happy for her she didn't even mention anything about it which made me sad enough but when i#told my mother about it she made me feel worse she said that was not very nice what she did you did so much for her and i told her#that's alright i dont mind and she said that my friend used me for her benefit and that I'm stupid for being nice to people#because according to her every nice thing that ive done is stupid and nothing i have done is going to make her feel proud or is enough#she qould NEVER say this to my sisters EVER#aah fuck this became too long#im so sorry if anyone came across this#but yes my mother is literally my biggest enemy most times ngl#she makes me feel like i wish i was not alive#it hurts to see my friends have great relationship with their moms and sisters#:')
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
if no one's got me i know chronic pain tumblr's got me
#*fucking dies*#in a “can't stop thinking about” + “can't stop shaking” amount of pain today#maybe im just overcaffeinated but WOW. worst pain day i've had in months#the elevator for my dorm broke for a week + i live on the third floor. and it's really starting to catch up with me Now#// vent#dont mind me it just be like this soemtimes
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
i've been avoiding practicing driving because i've been preferring being in my own world lately and i HAVE to pay attention when driving so i just. don't. drive.
#😭😭😭 it's so bad right now it's so so so bad#like the serotonins are high but at the same time i have less than 2 months until my road test#i still have 2 lessons that i've paid for to book but when i tried my anxiety went 'uhm dont book those actually hahaha'#and now it's like THOSE COST $550 YOU BETTER FINISH THEM!!!!!!!!!#hoooly fuck. i cannot win.#i haven't been in the driver's seat in over 2 weeks#i drove successfully down one of the busiest corridors in the region and back and then never did it again akdjskdn#i feel like i really should start ADHD meds but i know there's some sort of restriction on it right now#and i don't think i could afford it#i've started drinking coffee again and i'm just. not doing great i think#video games are the only thing keeping me from falling apart and i'm letting my switch charge so i let my mind wander 🙃#kinda scared for next term since i've decided to keep going. applied for a new student loan and everything#and the one course i HAVE to take is supposedly really hard#(there's no lab at least which is good)#on tuesday i'll be normal again but right now i'm just. i want to play hades tbh#i hope there's enough battery in the switch and besides i think my laptop charger is down here#(it charges the switch fine despite being an apple charger lmao. i don't get it)#vent
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
11:23
I'm a damn leech. That's all I am
#audrey/kellie's rambles#audrey/kellie vents#dont mind me#im a leech. im a bug. disgusting. im too much to bare. others in the community talk to each other and yet rarely me#i try to talk witj them. maybe im just not that ... good with my ocs. maybe thats why they never ask. maybe-#im too fucking clingy. im too obsessive. im too moody. im fucking crazy.....#I'll just be here tho. i wonder why no one really talks to me. outside of the internet and in of the internet too#but maybe that means im too fucking annoying for something. bjt then again they have a life and its not sll about me. and my long ass asks#they should be sble to live their life. and yet here i am. getting jealous fucking jealous that my friends are talking to each other#its stupid. i shouldn't be like this. its fucking stupid to he jealous of my friends talking to each other. but it seems like i only#see them as my friends or maybe its because i said smth about my school. and then they leave me alone. but theyve.. always left me alone#always. always a shadow. always actually reminding me that im a bad fucking person. always to be there because...#honestly it has to be me. right? im the damn problem. thay dont talk to me. yet i talk to them endlessly. like they are already gone or smth#i suck at being friends. because this is who i am. some possessive fucking freak. i really should. choked myself with some wires.......#this is just reminding me that my twin is more better and more interesting then who i wanted to be hack then when i was on Amino.#even back then they didn't care for me. now its like its the same but much worse. because-#i hate it. i hate feeling lonely. what the fuck. give me fucking validation. give me attention. give me love.#give me any fucking kind of attention. hate on me. spit on me. kick my legs. i dont. i just want attention. i want to be the center of it#all. but im not and it fucking kills me. i want it so bad. and honestly? i did. for a fraction. because of Flor and my other past ideas#and Flor was a bit of a self insert. she was a sona. in a way. and now Yume will be one too. but-#fucking. don't fucking talk to me. i need to work on his draft
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
please let the Black people in your life know you like, care about them
#mango speaks#i honestly just feel so isolated every single day as a Black queer person#and it's just on my mind 24/7#on top of all the racist bullshit i have to deal with and worry about constantly.#i'm not gonna lie the fucking rap discourse is really getting to me.#y'all don't wanna appreciate anything Black people do#let alone actually give us credit for what you *do* engage with#i don't know how to articulate what i'm feeling right now#and i feel like i cant get anything out because my brain's trying to force me to sift my feelings through a billion different filters#to make it palletable#i dont know#i'm just feeling a lot lately#vent#<- i guess#this isnt just about the discourse btw i just feel like this constantly and this is just kinda pushing those feelings over the edge
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
So fucking overwhelmed and burnt out man
#the cook called in so theres an office person cooking and i think she left#without cleaning up any of the cook stuff#andlike#I DONT HAVE THE TIME AND STRENGHT FOR THIS IM IN SO MUCH PAIN AND I JUST WABTED TO GET HOME BEFORE 8#but of fucking course not 🙄🙄🙄#i really wish people valued my time#bc i bend over backwards for EVERYONE andlike#ppl tell me how much they appreciate me#but like pretty pls if you appreciate me then plsplspls lighten my load and keep in mind that im literally some 21 year old#just dont fycking step over me like for real i wanna be kind and lovijg but i cant continue if i dony get a fucking break#tony speaks#tony vents#i guess
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
"not pro-ana just using the tags" "pro-ana only for myself" Ok but you see how you're still hurting people right. you see how you're perpetuating this mindset for other people by posting about it right.
#i went through the proana tag a few weeks back when i was in a very vulnerable state#and ofc i am not trying to imply its their fault for my mental state; i am responsible for my own actions; i chose to go through the tag#BUT.#even then#the amount of times i saw the sentiment “im not pro-ana im just using it to get more notes on the picture of me being really skinny”#or a vent post with the tags “proana but just for myself” really irritated me#i know what its like to be in that position. I do. i understand that you feel like whst youre doing to yourself is right and that you want-#to find like-minded people because you feel so alone#i understand wanting to talk to people that you feel like “get it” and not people that will try to help you recover because-#you feel like youre making “progress” and that deep down you feel ashamed#But if youre 'proana just for yourself“ or ”just using thr tags“? dont fucking use the tag#if you know that its wrong (shich it sounds like you do based on the clarification that youre not ACTUALLY pro-ana-#in some attempt to win the moral olympics) then dont post under the tag because its going to make things worse for people who ARE#and i KNOW. ive had the same thought before. “but i dont think you should have an ED bc its bad for u; im just doing it for a little bit”#or “just for me & i can stop whenever” and we all know how that ends#but if you ARENT proana then dont use the tags to send proana sentiments to other people who are obviously struggling#youre making it worse for people. stop it#beverly says stuff#tw ed discussion#tw ana#tw eating issues
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
end of my fucking rope sunday.
#hahhashahhahahdjkfnfnlrnk#im miserable#no one look at me#had a bad fight and i feel like im going mad#and i know theyre gonna make me take those fucking USELESS selfharm suicidal evaluation tests at the doc's tomorrow#i really wanna call out bc i know im gonna do something impulsive and regret it#not like extremely dangerous impulsive#just regrettable#.txt#i just want stability and peace so bad but its time like this#that i fear im gonna die before i can find it#i have a bad feeling about where tonight's going#its not over and im feeling worse and worse#just venting please dont mind me
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
ppl who like making friends solely with one-note cardboard boxes who will hang out with them when it's convenient and never open up about who they are as people and what their lives are like dni
#the salt just caught up with me and now im pissed#hi welcome to what i like to call a friendly reminder that hanging out with someone just because its convenient is kind of shitty#and a less friendly reminder that talking about yourself to connect with people is an autistic trait#and an even less friendly reminder that not telling someone if theyve done you wrong and then proceeding to blow up on them is ALSO SHITTY#ESPECIALLY. WHEN. THEY THINK. YOU'RE ON GOOD TERMS. BECAUSE YOU ACTED LIKE IT AND THEY CAN'T READ YOU.#IM REALLY FUCKING MAD#I THINK I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE.#the people who actually somewhat knew me and hung out with me and were on good terms with me think the same#so like BLEH MYEH :PPPPPPPPP#like okay youre entitled to your opinions but sometimes you need to keep those to yourself#did u see me insulting u to ur face#nope i have not done even once#and thats on getting better communication skills instead of lashing out at someone for trying to fit in with your own vibes#like yeah oversharing is my deal. anybody who sees me here knows that#i bond by being open with people about who i am and what i like in the hopes that theyll do the same#if u think im just around for gaming and making silly jokes u would be wrong.#but of course nobody told me people weren't there to bond like that which in my opinion shouldnt be on me#and once again i am outcasted over something honestly kind of fucking stupid#some of the jokes i made were stupid yes but thats solely because i severely misjudged the vibes#and checks notes oh yeah nobody pulled me up for it even once.#okay so let me get this straight you barely know me and have been making assumptions about me since day one#pretty much let me believe you liked me for two whole weeks instead of asking me about things or cutting me off#and im the one who gets treated like im in the wrong? okay#this miscommunication was not my fault in the slightest and i KNOW that#if you hadve just talked to me things would be fine but theyre NOT.#if you hadve just looked at my gosh darn profile and seen im the queerest fucker around making gay and homophobic type jokes maybe you woul#have had half the mind to ask me if i could stop making those jokes!!!!!!!!!#i am not transphobic!!!!!!! I AM TRANS!! I WAS MAKING A MOCKERY OF SOME TRANSPHOBIC CULTURE I HATE!!!!#i mightve vented on main ONE TIME under the guise of a silly joke but oh my god guess what?? that was an attempt to see if anybody related.#you never liked me in the first place dont lie to yourself
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
anyways. holding linebeck gently
#some assorted untagged linebeck thoughts tonight cuz hey why not its been a Day of ups and downs and he’s been there in my mind#sometime this month i do want to make some images of him w/ the pride flags of my hcs so general gay and then mlm and then intersex#general post ph crew rundown theres linebeck and then damien is bi and trans and bellum doesnt fucking care and link is figuring it out#so its half we got it and half man i have other things to worry about#i feel like you put linebeck and midna in a room and they are gay/lesbian buddies mlm/wlw solidarity thats what they are to me#anyways. revisited my post abt possession aftermath effects. you can probably tell i enjoy hurt/comfort/whump#smth darkly funny to me abt extremely sick and delirious linebeck and worried link kinda hanging out in his room#with link being like i bet youll be fine!!! you’re recover youre fine. and linebeck just saying kid i have rabies symptoms#anyways he lives hes fine he survives the magic squid rabies. to calm the characters nerves and my own ive decided that once hes well enoug#linebeck and link decide to visit the fairy queen to get some kinda divine checkup and to get the closure of. linebeck is fine he’s fine#nothing malicious is lingering youre good just. get some more bed rest#i do like the idea that when hes got some minor injury to the degree of some little papercur linebeck is incredibly bitchy and whatnot#and then when he’s in genuine danger of dying he’s eerily chill abt it. while recovering from possession one day when he can walk he just#chills on the deck when theres no breeze just smoking. ofc hes terrified inside but fuck if hes going to be obvious abt it (when lucid)#could tie that to his trauma n whatever ig but rn i dont have the energy to really think on it idk hes had enough bad injuries#and has found that when hes actively distressed crying out and whatnot didnt really get people to help#like its smth he learned early on his brother was there and there was just enough but like yknow. wasnt ingrained ig#thats a different thing to be lumped into the idea of him learning that its fine to be more vulnerable abt what you feel n need n want#prob smth he practices with link i mean damien is good but he needs to learn to listen instead of assume for that first bit#uhhh. earlier today i almost made a vent post but didnt but i think the gist was god i need to stop comparing other loz things to my iwn#bc it never never ends well. anyways. uhhh. came up with a possible post ph story arc for bellum n link#and decided to revive an older one with link and linebeck. post ph is really really just its own thing tbh#ofc meant to be a sorta fan sequel thing but between the disregarding of canon sequel stuff and not really adhering to the feeling n whatno#its just its own thing and i like it. ill prob delete this later
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
POV when ur exes ex all of a sudden tries to take apart of you just cause they don't like themselves oof
#okay so I really love shadow and dark aesthetics right#I NEED TO VENT IN THE TAGS#during conflict when I was talkin to her#she all of a sudden starts to put shadow all over her playlists and starts liking him#when she knows how much hes meant to me#fukin sus as hell#and made her fursona dark colors#shes not even goth or emo I feel bad for her#like its cute she wants to cosplay and take apart of me cus#she cant accept herself#or she sees somethin she cant have#but it leaves such a bad taste in my mouth#like what the fuck gorl I know you were jealous#but im so sensitive to peoples bullshit when they pull shit like this#I know she'll move on and get a life but fukin what the fuck dude#happy I dont have to see it though and they are out of my life#I hope they become nicer to disabled people too in the future but I doubt it#loved shadow since I was kid mind you and she just started to cling to him lmao#shes weird as fuck#I hope they can both grow a spine one day#and I hope they can learn to do better and be themselves
2 notes
·
View notes