#this is one of the last places i can bring myself to vent without entirely feeling bad about it and i know that wont last long either and

[pollymorgan]

Coach Negan Part 4

Warning: Argument on the phone (and with the ex), Negan being Negan, blowjob in a public toilet.

As soon as my pulse has normalized again, Negan wordlessly hands me a napkin to clean up the mess between my legs. Then our food arrives. I don't really have much of an appetite, I just regret that we didn't stay at my place. I only have eyes for Negan. The incredible orgasm I just had has only made me crave more. This man brings out a side of me that I didn't even know existed. And the worst part is, that jerk knows exactly what he's doing to me and clearly enjoys it. He would just have to ask me, or rather command me, and I would probably immediately climb onto his lap and let him screw me right here in front of everyone, that's how much I wanted him.

Just as I pick up my utensils, my phone rings. The ringtone completely kills my appetite. Ringtone? Well, more like a warning signal. I've set the tone specifically for my 'ex-husband', to mentally prepare myself when he calls.

I drop the utensils in annoyance. With the words "Sorry, I have to take this!" I rummage the phone out of my bag and have to be careful not to pull my panties out along with it.

I answer the phone, "Yes?"

"Can you explain to me why you're telling our children that I'm standing them up?" he shouts aggressively into the phone.

Oh no, this is the last thing I needed. I've sworn to myself never to be the mother who drags the divorce through her children. That's why I often bite my tongue, even though he doesn't deserve it. Okay, sometimes I slip up, but even his lawyer would find it hard to justify his behavior, and besides, our kids aren't stupid, if they're stood up multiple times, they'll notice.

"If you stop shouting at me... we can continue talking, otherwise I'll hang up right away..." I say calmly and then look at Negan, "Excuse me for a moment...".

Determined, I stand up and head towards the toilets, while accusations continue to rain down on me.

At the same time as another woman, I enter the ladies' room. Annoyed, I look in the mirror and notice that my makeup has been slightly affected. I lean over the marble counter and wipe away the mascara residue with my right thumb under my eye, while supporting myself with my left elbow and pressing the phone against my ear.

Amidst his never-ending monologue, I can only interject with brief moments of "That's not true...", "Ask her yourself..." and "If you had been there, you would know..." It's all so pointless and only serves his need to vent. As usual.

I am well aware that the woman who has just left the cabin and is washing her hands next to me is eavesdropping on my conversation. But frankly, I don't care. Even when the door opens and the next person enters the room. I just hope I can end the call as quickly as possible without it completely escalating. Because if there's one thing I've learned in recent years, it's that this man is absolutely unpredictable.

I see in the mirror how the woman next to me shakes her head and leaves the room. Suddenly, my heart skips a beat as Negan appears, as if it were the most natural thing.

We maintain eye contact through the mirror and he stands very close behind me, while I am still bent over the sink.

My ex's words are no longer really registering with me. I can hear his aggressive voice, but what he's trying to tell me has been going around in circles the whole time.

However, something catches my attention again. "And what about that stunt in front of the school? Peggy told me that you embarrassed her in front of the entire student body by starting a fight with her gym teacher.. What's wrong with you?"

Now I can hardly contain my laughter, but I try to remain as serious as possible.

Defiantly, I reply, "If you actually listened to your daughter for once, you would know what a self-absorbed jerk her gym teacher is,.. Mister Smith more than deserves to have someone give him a piece of their mind..."

Negan looks at me in mock shock and mouths the words "What?". Then he gives me a pat on my outstretched bottom, which makes me flinch for a moment. Now I can't suppress my grin anymore.

I see in the mirror how Negan's eyes wander over my body and he considers what to do next. His gaze lingers on my butt. Slowly, he tries to push up my dress, under which I'm wearing nothing. I quickly straighten up and pull it back down with my right hand.

Then I turn to him and our eyes meet directly now, making my knees instantly weak. Threatening I signal him threateningly with my index finger to stop these games. But Negan immediately grabs my wrist and presses my hand directly against his crotch. When I feel how hard he already is, everything clenches in my lower abdomen. Inevitably, I bite my lip and swallow hard.

I hold the phone slightly away from my ear and clumsily try to cover the receiver.

"What's this?" I ask tensely.

"What?" Negan innocently asks, "I just want to show you how damn horny you make me, and when I see your cheeks all red like that, I'm damn sure you don't find the whole thing so bad either.."

I briefly glance over my shoulder in the mirror and see that this damn guy isn't lying. My cheeks are bright red! Why am I so damn easy to read?

I hear my ex getting louder on the phone. Annoyed, I bring the phone back to my ear. "Listen, I'm in the middle of an important business dinner, if you have problems with our children, please solve them on your own..." then I simply hang up, without waiting for his response.

After a brief moment of silence, I grab Negan and pull him purposefully into one of the toilet stalls. As soon as we both fit inside, I close the door and push him roughly against it.

I press my body tightly against his, look at him innocently, and ask softly, "What should I do now?"

"Fuck, beauty, you know damn well.." he says with a confident smile.

But it's damn fun for me to turn the tables a bit and take control.

"Oh no, I want you to tell me..." I reply assertively and give him a gentle kiss on his lips, barely touching our mouths.

"Get down on your knees and take my hard cock in your sweet mouth."

"Oh, oh what's the magic word?" I tease, while at the same time undoing his belt and reaching into his pants. When my fingers touch his hard penis, I really have to be careful not to lose my composure. But from his whole body's reaction, as he flinches, even if he tries to hide it, I see that I have just as much power over him.

I pull my hand out of his pants once more, but only to hold it up to his face.

"Spit on it!" I command. Without breaking eye contact, he lets the saliva glide onto my palm.

I immediately grasp his penis again and smoothly glide up and down with the help of the fluid. The quiet moans that Negan lets out send little electric shocks directly to my vagina.

"Please, please take it in your mouth..!" he pleads, while the sound of the next woman entering the room and going into the toilet can be heard.

"Oh, very good!" I say and slowly squat down. I pull down his pants and boxers a bit more, and his hard, perfect cock is right in front of my face. Again, I grip it and with my tongue I slowly lick up the precum that has formed on his tip.

"Come on, no more games, sweetheart.. Show me how deep you can take it in your mouth..".

His words encourage me to put them into action. I take a deep breath and then let him glide into my mouth as far as possible. Even though it's not that easy, I push him in as far as I can. And I am rewarded with a soft "Fuck, yes, just like that.." from Negan. His hand lands on the back of my head and his penis twitches deep in my mouth. I let him slide out again. "You like that, huh?" I tease him, looking up. Without taking my eyes off him, I repeat the process, and Negan's hand presses me a little further against him. When I pull away, I gasp for air. Something that clearly pleases him.

His hand moves to my face, and with his thumb, he strokes my open lips and says in a deep voice, "You're so good to me, beautiful lady.. Let me come in your mouth, and then I want you to swallow it all, understood!". In a state of excitement, I simply nod and then focus again on his penis. I lick along his shaft. I thoroughly explore every vein with my lips and then enclose it completely with my mouth. With each further touch, I feel Negan's tension more and more.

"Fuck, yes.." he says breathlessly, before the salty warm liquid lands on my tongue..

[westwingwolf]

Why the Chenford Break Up Era Needs to Come to a Close Sooner Rather than Later on The Rookie...

I've expressed my opinion on the Chenford break over several long posts in the Chenford Discord. I'm sure I've annoyed them plenty with my thoughts, but I needed a place to vent so thank you for being patient with me and letting me rant. I swear I am trying to do better, but maybe getting all of my thoughts out in once place will finally calm the beast inside me enough to hold back any further ranting. This post will focus on what should come next after the break up, and not my opinions on whether the break up should have happened at all. It's over. It's done. We're here now, and I have to accept that so I can move on to enjoy what comes next.

Anyways, I thought I would collect all my thoughts here for those of you who are not in the discord. Whether you agree or disagree with me, that's fine. I'm making this public so I know I am opening myself up to disagreements. Just know I'm likely to respond if I can, and I'm less likely to give up discussing my opinion until long after it is necessary. So fair warning, everyone should proceed with caution.

On the highly unlikely chance that someone involved with the show sees this and it makes them think about what stories the show wants to tell, then feel free to share.

I foresee this getting long as the introduction is already this long, so proceed behind the cut if you dare... (Spoiler alert: it is very long.)

First off in most typical break up storylines on television (Because keep in mind I am strictly talking about how these storylines are portrayed in fiction for maximum dramatic effect. Real life is a totally different thing.) , there are certain elements that play out in a break up that is always meant to be temporary. And make no mistake, I do believe this break up is temporary. I refuse to believe otherwise. It's just a matter of how temporary will it be. I must also commend the writers for hitting these elements in a quicker fashion than I expected. (Whether that turns out to be a good thing or not depends on what comes next, but for now I like it.)

Avoiding each other and thereby avoiding fixing the issues that caused the break up. This element is the biggest key in determining how long the break up can last. The longer the characters avoid talking to each other, the longer the break up can go on without being resolved. As we saw in 607 Crushed, Tim didn't want to talk about it while Lucy did. This set the stage for avoiding the issue. This could have gone on longer with Tim digging his heals in to avoid addressing the issue by first refusing to admit to it, but Tim actually did the adult thing and sought out help. Because he had been thinking about needing help all day and because Lucy gave him that final push to get it when he still wanted to avoid talking to her about their issues. That dramatically cuts into the waiting time of couples getting to the point where they can talk about their problems.

Pining for each other. I will admit I thought 608 and 609 were going to be episodes where Tim and Lucy avoided each other entirely to prolong more of this break up by not having them interact at all, but I was pleasantly surprised and glad to be proven wrong. They had their nice pining and awkward moment in Grey's office in 608 Punch Card. Tim spends time thinking about Lucy and being reminded of her birthday. That leads to the very sweet Kojo Birthday Card moment which leads to an even bigger moment of pining for each other in the hall.

Putting aside the relationship problems to help each other and be vulnerable with each other. In 609 The Squeeze even though Lucy is still hurt by the break up, she knows Tim is going through a lot, and so she does what she can to comfort him. Thereby showing that Lucy is still the one who brings out the most vulnerable side of Tim. He put on brave face for Grey and Angela and everyone else, but that moment of melting into Lucy's arms and answering that he is okay now that she's holding him showed just how much he was trying to hold it all in. And he immediately goes back to his brave front once the elevator doors open. Tim has always been his most vulnerable with Lucy and that doesn't change whether they are together or not. Like the Kojo Birthday Card moment, this shows that they still care about one another and they don't let anger from/resentment of/shame about the break up stop them from showing that they care.

Working together in spite of the break up. I was surprised by how quickly they had them working together after their break up. I knew thanks to spoilers that they would have scenes together in 610 Escape Plan, but I expected group scenes. I didn't expect the car scene. Talking about Tim's therapy. Joking about their sex life. They seemed more at ease together after a break up than I thought they would be. Which makes it hard to believe they can go back to any of the major awkwardness from before. A scene like where they can barely speak to each other in Grey's office coming after this kind of moment won't make much sense. Therefore they have to be out of the awkward post break up phase. Again something that significantly cuts down the timeline in delaying getting back together.

Having the talk about their issues or at least getting close to the talk. Now, Tim and Lucy haven't had the full discussion about the breakdown of their relationship and all of Tim's issues. But they are closer to having it 610 then they were back in 607. With Tim going to therapy, with the sense that he wants to continue therapy despite having a psychotic blackmailing therapist, and with the apology he gave Lucy in the elevator along with his promise to repay her kindness in whatever small doses she'll allow; all of that indicates that he is finally in a place to have the necessary discussion about why they broke up. And Lucy wanted to have this talk back in 607 so there no longer seems to be a reason to delay it.

So now with all the steps that The Rookie has already shown through the Chenford break up, it's time to think about what comes next. Typically once the characters finally have the talk about why they broke up, they tend to talk about if they can get back together. We know the show is going to have do a little bit of time jump. A couple of weeks at most. If they want the audience to see this discussion, they'll have to come up with a reason for why they delayed it instead having it almost immediately when the door was open for them to have it at least the next day after that elevation conversation. Which I will allow if only because I really want to see it. If you remember when Wopez broke up in season one; they indicated they needed to talk about their relationship, then the talk they had was off screen and the next time we saw them they were back together. Great for them, but after the emphasis on how important is is that Chenford needs to talk to each other about why Tim broke up with Lucy, I want to see it. So I'm willing to go along with Lucy needed a couple of weeks to wrap her head around the idea and gather her thoughts to confront Tim.

What I will not understand is if Lucy or Tim decide to delay this talk for a long period of time. Lucy wanted to have the talk from the beginning. Tim wasn't ready but there is clear indication that his ready now. In order for Lucy to have agency in this situation and regain the balance that she lost when Tim unilaterally decided to break them up, I do think Lucy needs to be the one to say she wants to talk about their relationship. I don't want it to be like Tim saying "I'm ready to talk about our relationship" and Lucy to respond with "Oh, now you're ready?!" Because she would have a right to be mad. And if Tim is being true about letting Lucy take the lead by accepting his proving how much he appreciates her in however she will allow, then he has to wait for her to make that decision. I can't see Lucy delaying for whatever reason for too long. Even if she is still hurt by his actions, her curiosity about the cause of the break up is too much for her to let it go indefinitely. Think about how she was in 607 where she was desperate to know why. Think about her behavior after Emmett broke up with her, and this is Tim. She cares about Tim way more than she ever cared about Emmett. If nothing else, that need to know why is strong in her.

Having the discussion about the break up has a huge impact on whether or not the break up storyline can continued to be prolonged or not. As long as they avoid having the discussion, the longer they can delay the characters getting back together. But Chenford has already reached the logical point where they should have the discussion. As I've shown above it doesn't make sense for Tim or Lucy to want to delay it, so it cannot work for character reasons. It also doesn't make much sense for storyline reasons because they've already done everything else they can possibly do during a typical break up storyline as I explained above. This is literally the last step. Any delay would strictly be done to drive the viewers crazy, and when your writing becomes so obvious as to manipulate an emotional response from the audience it veers into bad writing territory. Always try to keep the writing more subtle so that it works for a character or a storyline, and not so you can see the pipe laid out easily for the viewer.

Now that I've explained why they have to have the discussion right away, I will talk about how I think it should be handled and what I would like to happen because of it. And when I say right away, I mean season 7 premiere. I'll give them until 702 if they have a lot going on action wise, but no more wasting time after that.

As I said, I want Lucy to have agency. That means she decides when they have this discussion. That also means giving her a lot more control in what happens because of the discussion. I understand her heart is broken. Her trust in Tim is broken. However, I do not believe the answer in fixing any of that is by her deciding not to give Tim another chance right away. Her agency isn't going to be affected by her deciding to stay broken up with Tim. She doesn't somehow get more power or power back because she decides they can't be together right now. I also don't see Lucy punishing herself or Tim because she is hurt and angry. That's Tim behavior, not Lucy behavior. If she loves him, if she wants to be with him, then she will want to fight for them. Also she has a psychology background, is she really going to let Tim suffer because he was going through an identity crisis? Is that at all true the nature of one of the most empathetic characters on the show? Lucy's agency comes in guiding the story and taking control. If anything delaying getting back together, only keeps her level of agency in the relationship/break up at where it was before. If she chooses not to get back together with Tim now, then what will drive her to make that choice later? Something he does to change her mind? Some unknown time when she suddenly feels "ready"? Neither of those options show me she has control. True agency in her relationship is her saying "I want to be with you, but things in our relationship have to change for the better, and this is how I want to make those changes happen."

Which leads to the what I hope comes next. I want to see Tim and Lucy actually working on their relationship. I don't want them going the route of "Everything is better now that we had that break up and got back together so we never have to discuss the problems that led to our break up again." Like what was essentially done to Wopez. Or how every now and then Nolan kind of snarkily brings back up the fact that Bailey hid the truth about Jason from him, and when he does she looks like she wants to beat him over the head with a bat. Actually working on fixing the relationship is more interesting a storyline that prolonging a break up as long as possible only to pretend like everything is okay afterwards because getting back together somehow miraculously solved all their problems. The writers and actors told us the importance of this storyline was to show them as a real couple with real problems. Well, a real couple that wants to be together is going to work on their problems if they have any hope of staying together so show me Chenford working on their problems.

One way to show me Chenford working on their problems is through couple's therapy. I think watching Tim and Lucy in couple's therapy would be funny, heartwarming, and dramatically tension filled with angst when necessary. And there doesn't have to be a lot of sessions. At least not a lot shown. Alexi mentioned not wanting to do the static, almost repetitive nature of Tim in therapy even though theoretically he does want to show ways that Tim has continued therapy. So really all that is needed is one episode of Tim and Lucy in therapy. Bookend the scenes of the episode with the first meeting is them being funny and awkward about it. And the final scene has the more raw and emotional moments that are tough to watch but get them understanding each other better. Then the rest of the episodes all they have to do is talk about what they learned or discussed in therapy or trying some exorcises to improve communication and intimacy.

No matter what Tim and Lucy do to fix their relationship, one thing that is absolutely necessary is to show Tim's growth. He started showing this in the elevator scene in 610 by willingly be more emotionally vulnerable with Lucy. It's never been about that Tim can't be emotionally vulnerable with her. He's more vulnerable with her than anyone. It's about Tim willing to put himself out there without Lucy having to ask or work to pull his feelings out of him. He pushes his feelings down so much that he doesn't ask for help when he needs. He needs to learn to ask for help. And he needs to learn to accept that help when it is offered. I would like to see Tim have another personal crisis, but this time instead of hiding and ghosting Lucy, he tells her about it immediately. She doesn't even have to ask or notice that something is off about him, he just tells her that he has problem and he wants her help in whatever way she can help him. That shows that Tim has grown and that he trusts Lucy to allow her to see the messy parts of himself. We know Lucy has seen plenty of the messy side of Tim and still loves him, but there is a part of Tim who is still afraid Lucy will walk away if he causes too much trouble. That's part of the reason he broke up with her. As much as he wanted to protect her, he also wanted to protect himself by not having her walking away from him. In his mind he lost Isabel because he didn't do enough and she said that living up to his standards was too much for her. He lost Rachel because he couldn't move for her job, and she couldn't give up that opportunity either. He lost Ashley because he couldn't give up being a cop, and she couldn't deal with that kind of life for him. Time and again has shown him that he isn't enough for people all the way back to probably feeling like is some kind of disappoint to his dad. And anyone who stays with him is going to be dragged down by him. The sad irony in that Lucy feels the same way in how her parents treat her. Lucy is the person who can understand Tim the most and love him for all of it. So an opportunity for Tim to willingly put himself out there for Lucy would be a great turning point in their relationship to show it has changed for the better.

Now you are thinking, well once everything is fine between Tim and Lucy isn't that going to make things boring again and put us right back to where we were before? I would argue that things were never boring, but if you are asking if it is not better to prolong the break up so that at least Tim and Lucy have a storyline filled with tension rather than things going back to being good between them again, I say no for these reasons:

Because the working through their problems storyline is filled with tension and needs to happen. It is still wrought with tension of whether or not it will work out. Arguably more so than just waiting to see if they will change their minds about getting back together. Working on their issues means putting all those problems right back in the forefront. It means talking about them instead of avoiding them. It's raw and messy and potentially shows all the cracks in the relationship that has to be repaired.

A longer delay in getting back together means we are less likely to see them actually work on their problems. If God forbid, they take a whole season for Tim and Lucy to decide to get back together, then we don't get any of that. If we manage to get a season 8, and Tim and Lucy don't get back together until the season 7 finale, then what is likely to happen is we come back to season 8 with them saying they worked it all, are fine, and will go on happily with their lives. Which is great, but I'm still going to be pissed that I had to endure a season and a half of a break up and I didn't even get to see the effort of them working on their problems. And if we don't get a season 8, if the writers find out near the end of this season that it is their last and they spent so much time on this break up, then what we get is a rushed getting back together to leave us satisfied that they are together but not particularly happy in the execution of it.

Once they are back together, and even if they are happy, they still have other issues that could cause them problems. One is Lucy wants to work undercover. The other is the chain of command issue. These problems only have significance to Tim and Lucy's relationship if they are together. If Lucy goes undercover while her and Tim are broken up, Tim is probably still worried about her, but there isn't much he can do about it. If they are broken up, Lucy not being around because of UC is no different than Lucy not being around because they are broken up. It doesn't really capitalize on all the problems between them if they aren't together to make it an issue. Same with the chain of command problem. Doesn't really matter if they aren't together. Neither of these issues can be tackled to their full extent by the writers is Chenford is not back together first. And if these problems are solved before Chenford get back together, then it's taking away a potential storyline when Chenford inevitably gets back together. Becomes a little too easy for them if Lucy get a job out of being under Tim's chain of command and decides she doesn't want to do UC anymore before she gets back together with Tim. So get them back together sooner, and they can address the storyline sooner.

Now here we are at what storylines can Tim and Lucy have after they are back together, have worked out their problems, and seem to be in a good place.

1.) The chain of command issue: I get that it was a whole thing in 5B and eventually led to Metro Tim. Sadly, because I think the writers really do want to put focus on either Patrol or Detectives, that means no more Metro Tim. If we are all honest with ourselves, as much as we love Metro Tim, the show wasn't really do enough with him in Metro. They spent just as many storylines, if not more, figuring out how to get Tim back on Patrol and/or working with Lucy as they did doing his own Metro thing. For this reason, I think Tim is going to remain on Patrol until the end or when they promote/retire Grey so Tim becomes Watch Commander (which I hope also isn't until the end if they decide to retire Grey.) They came up with a storyline that still doesn't make any sense to me to keep Lucy from getting promoted to Detective in order to keep her on Patrol so I assume that means they want her to remain on Patrol for as long as possible too. (Seriously, Primm, you got promoted and presumably a position you wanted because of Lucy so take your male ego and shove it up your ass.) So that means Tim and Lucy both on Patrol for the foreseeable future. As mentioned above this isn't an issue for them until they get back together so it's not an issue the writers need to address until they get back together. And no point in fixing it prior to that if they want to have the storyline. But how to fix it?

Simple answer: Sergeant Grey says it is okay for them to date. Yeah, that seems to fly in the face of making it an issue the first time around. But Grey was also there for that time. He saw what Tim and Lucy were willing to sacrifice to be together. He saw what those sacrifices ultimately led to. He paired them to work together even when they were dating and knows they can still work together well. They weren't too terrible even during the adjustment period of their break up so he didn't have to say anything more than once about making it work. If he sees them working just as well together as they are broken up, and none of it causes problems, then he can make the call to let them date. Chain of command issue be damned if he says it is not a problem. Especially if he doesn't want to lose one or two of his best officers. At this point, Chenford has been through enough so who is really going to care? Are the fans going to put up a big fuss if it means if we get to see Tim and Lucy not only dating but also working together? If the writers insist they have to remain on Patrol, then this is a concession they have to give us to make it work.

More complicated answer: Promotions As unlikely as it seems, I say just give everyone the necessary promotions. That starts with promoting Grey to captain. (Shh. I don't care about Lieutenant. ) Grey has been treated like the show's captain since Captain Andersen died. He is always in charge for the big events. Angela and Nyla go to Grey to talk about cases even though he isn't their boss anymore because they work in the Detective department. When Tim got promoted and worked in Metro, he was the same rank as Grey and answered to Pine, and yet somehow he usually answered to Grey anyway. The LAPD is currently going through a big shake up; some higher ups were probably compromised with this whole blackmail scandal. I'm sure one or two captains could have lost their jobs/rank. Promoting Grey wouldn't really change anything storywise in terms of what he does, but it would make more sense. Once Grey is promoted, Tim becomes Watch Commander. During this time Lucy takes the sergeant exam and passes easily. Grey creates a position in which Lucy is now his aide. She becomes his right hand woman when crisis mode. She can work on Patrol as sort of a liason role like Tim had in Metro so she can keep doing Patrol storylines. And if Grey is okay with it, she can even do some undercover work when necessary. It keeps Lucy available for all potential storylines while also giving her a well deserved promotion. And she will officially be under Grey's chain of command only and not Tim's.

2.) Tim and Lucy moving in together storyline. Once Tim and Lucy are back together, things get awkward for Celina as she now takes over Tamara's role of constantly catching Tim and Lucy in the middle of kissing. And maybe other things. Only a thousands time worse for everyone because Tim is Celina's boss and they all work together. Celina doesn't want to know that much about her boss/coworker's sex life, and they wouldn't like her knowing about it either. So after some very humorous and awkward moments, Tim and Lucy discuss moving in together. Are they prepared for this? Are in they in a good place after their break up? (Which is another reason they should get back together soon rather than later so there is more time between being in a good place and moving in together so it makes more sense.) Do they want to move in together to a place they already have or find a new place all together that is all their own? If they find a new place, they don't have to worry about Tim's home looking different yet again. That's at least two or three episodes. Build up the awkwardness with Celina, have the discussion about moving in, finding a place and moving in.

3.) Lucy getting a longterm undercover assignment opportunity. This storyline would ideally happen just as Tim and Lucy feel happy and secure in their relationship and have taken a big step like moving in together. They finally have to discuss what this means for them and if they truly can handle it. I think Lucy will have to take it and they will be able to make it work because they've put in all the effort that came before with working on repairing their relationship to make it stronger. If the show gets an 8th season, I can see this as a cliffhanger so that they can use the break between seasons to be a time jump so Lucy can be UC for months without having to isolate her for too long from the rest of the characters. Come back in the season 8 premiere with the end of the assignment winding down to an big action packed finish worthy of a premiere. And then Lucy decides she hates the isolation of longterm UC because she is a social person who needs to be around the people she loves. So she never does longterm UC again, and it is no longer an issue for Tim and Lucy. If this is the final season, then same storyline and outcome but sped up over a few episodes with an even more dramatic conclusion of Tim & Lucy hating being apart so they decide to get married.

And finally, I present you with the additional benefits of getting Tim and Lucy back together sooner rather later:

Secret Dating Era Redux: Tim and Lucy hiding their relationship once again, but this time it's more difficult and potentially more funny. Tim sneaking out of Lucy's apartment early in the morning without getting caught by Celina. Tim and Lucy having to act sad about being broken up even though they are back together. Other people trying to set them up in front of each other, and having to come up with excuses to say no. All coming to the ultimate conclusion where everyone finds out they are dating again. Just want the fans wanted: the everyone finds out reveal. I say Nolan should still be the last to know.

Tim finds out out Lucy dated Nolan: Maybe it comes up in their therapy sessions. Maybe Lucy mentions it when she talks about the issue with dating a cop. Whatever the way it happens, it's best if Tim and Lucy are together when he finds outs to really milk it for a potential issue. Also great to see Tim finding ways to take out his annoyance about it on Nolan. Bonus points if it if happens during the secret dating era redux so Nolan has no idea why Tim is mad at him.

Tim and Lucy having fun arguments again: Comparing their first date to their second first date or whether it's their second second first date. What counts as their anniversary? When they started dating? When they started dating again? Do they have two anniversaries? Does Lucy only want two anniversaries because she wants twice as many presents? The list goes on and on for how they can try to put humor into the idea of the break up once they know they are going to be okay after getting back together.

So there you have all my reasons for why and how Tim and Lucy should get back together sooner rather than later. I know we all want them pining for each other. I get it, but ask yourself how much time do you really want to wait to see them get back together. After the initial break up, there was a three week break of no new episodes, then four episodes where they are broken up, and now we wait 8 months just to see season 7. So that's 10 months of dealing with this break up already, and we don’t even know how much longer it will take. Do you want to wait even longer or do you want to see Tim and Lucy fix their relationship as soon as possible?

As a treat for those who suffered through this long ass rambling of my thoughts, I present you with a snippet of my new multichapter fic which I hope to finish soon so I can begin posting it in July. It's a Chenford fic based on the Once Upon A Time tv series concept. Basically if fairy tale characters were in the real world.

After they finish their meals, Lucy brings Tamara a pillow and a blanket for the night. When Tim sees that she has brought a second pillow and blanket for herself, he asks, “What do you think you are doing?”

“Staying the night with Tamara,” Lucy answers plainly like that should be obvious.

“This isn’t a slumber party. She is still our prisoner. You actually have to guard her,” Tim insists.

Lucy scoffs in disbelief. “You don’t trust me to do my job?”

“I trust you implicitly. I don’t trust her,” he points at Tamara, “not to give you some sob story that tugs at your heartstrings and has you handing over the keys.”

“You know what? Fine.” Lucy takes said keys and opens the cell. Stepping inside she throws down her pillow and blanket on the other bed. She then reaches her arm through the bars to lock the door from the inside before tossing the keys back to Tim. “You can let me out in the morning, and not have to worry about our prisoner escaping in the middle of the night.”

“And what are you going to do if there is a fire or an earthquake?” Tim asks smugly, thinking he has the upper hand.

Lucy shrugs as she challenges him on that unlikely scenario. “I guess I’ll have to trust that you can race back here quickly enough to let us out before the building crashes down on us.”

Tim doesn’t respond. Instead he leaves, and Tamara thinks he is admitting defeat and going home. But he quickly returns with his own pillow. “Just how many pillows does Smitty keep in this place?”

“Enough to build a fort,” Lucy answers as she sets up her bed. Not surprised at all that Tim is choosing to stay.

“Figures,” Tim responds as he puts his feet up on the desk while situating his pillow between his head and his chair. “Don’t stay up too late gossiping. We have a trial to attend in the morning.”

Lucy shakes her head, but fondly tells him, “Goodnight, sir.”

Tim answers with a grunt and nothing more.

Lucy seems less interested in gossiping and more interested in telling ghost stories. “Have you ever heard the one about Gracey Manor? It’s a local legend about the mansion that rests on the highest hill at the edge of town.”

Tamara and Lucy spend the next couple of hours talking and playing with a deck of cards Lucy brought with her. When they finally do go to sleep, Tim’s eyes are still closed, but Tamara has the sneaking suspicion that he is only resting his eyes. That if any trouble were to happen in the middle of the night, he would awake alert and ready to perform his duties. She knows her own experiences have kept her mindful of never allowing herself to fall too deep into sleep, but she can only wonder why Sheriff Bradford would learn such behavior.

[alara-kahya]

"Things end, that's all. Everything ends, and it's always sad. But everything begins again, and that's always happy." - 12th Doctor.

Self Para: Post break-up, 3 days later. Involved: Jayden Cross (deceased), her mom & Kian. Mentions: Nate Donovan & Emiri Tezel. Location/s: Cemetery & her home. Triggers: Death, grief, heartache.

"So, yeah, that's it. Sorry to come and bring bad news, I just... Well, selfishly I guess I thought it would help." Sighing as she sat on the ground in front of Jayden's grave, she tucked her knees into her chest and decided to just wallow for a minute. It was day three since Nate had walked out and aside from this right here, she hadn't told anyone. Not her mom, not even Emiri. What was she supposed to say? "I don't know how to talk about it with anyone else, or maybe I'm just scared to." Yeah, that felt more accurate. Alara had worked so incredibly hard over the years to shape herself into a strong and confident woman, it was difficult for her to show that she was still capable of being hurt. "I know what you'd say, I even know what you'd do, you would hug me and tell me to call my mom. Actually, you'd probably call her yourself. You can't beat a hug from your mom." She chuckles, saying something that Jayden used to say about her mother. Honestly, he was as close to an adopted child as her mom had, it broke her too when he died.

The soft laugh soon turned into a sniffle and before she knew it, she was choking back a sob and desperately wiping at the tears that spilled over her eyes. "How did I let this happen again," she puffed out a breath, still somehow laughing between crying, though it was far from a place of amusement. "I did what you always wanted me to do and I took a chance. Now look at me, right back to square one and you're not even here for me to say it's all your fault." Joking, but the words only made her miserable. "I feel like a fool, I really thought if I just kept patience, he'd find his moment and talk to me. Now I'm wondering if I should have pushed harder? And then I hate myself for thinking this could be my fault, because it isn't, is it? I gave him everything, and it just wasn't enough, how am I supposed to accept that? How can I when I don't understand." Groaning, what she does understand now is why she chose to come here and talk to a headstone over someone who could actually support her. Emotional and manic wasn't her best look, she wanted to try and vent a lot of it out before she turned to her family and friends. "It just hurts, it... yeah, it hurts."

The ache that swirled all around her insides only rippled outwards until it felt like even breathing in was painful. "I'm so lost without you, Jj, I miss you so much. So much." It wasn't fair. A thought that she seemed to be thinking a lot lately. Nothing was ever fair and she couldn't stand it. "You don't know what I'd give to go back, even if it was just to see you one last time." She lost herself when he had died, that much was clear to everyone who loved her, but what a lot of them didn't realize was that she never truly recovered. A part of her was still lost, still trying to claw it's way back but it never would. There was an empty space there in her heart that belonged entirely to her best friend. Sighing, she swiped more tears away and climbed up to her feet, staying crouched as her brown eyes lingered over his name. "Love you. I'll be back in a couple days, I'll bring beer." With a sad smile and a soft hand pressed against the cold stone, she takes a deep breath and turns to leave. Hopefully looking a little less blurry-eyed by the time she got home to greet her mother.

"Hey," calling out as she drops her bag at the door. "Sorry I'm late, work ran over and then I got talking to Jay," a statement that wasn't out the ordinary, it was never unusual for her to visit the cemetery just to keep her lost friend upto date on her life. "That's ok, sweetie. Little man is all tucked up, he's just waiting for a hug," her mom smiles, though she can't help but eye Alara with mild suspicion. "Everything ok?" Hard not to notice bloodshot eyes and tear stained cheeks when they were right in front of you, but it wasn't just that. It was something Kian had told her while they ate dinner. That he heard his mommy crying in the middle of the night. "Yeah, I'll go give him his hug," shying away from her gaze, she knew she couldn't talk about it right now, not while her son was waiting for her.

Making her way up the stairs, she does her best to rub the mascara away and go in his room with a warm greeting. "Hello my beautiful baby. Sorry I missed dinner." Walking over to sit on the end of his bed, her smile actually reaching her eyes just at the sight of him. "That's okay, but nanna made me eat sweetcorn," he pulled a blegh face and shuffled out his covers to envelope his arms around her. An action that had her eyes stinging with a fresh set of tears as she wrapped her arms around him and squeezed. "I didn't tell her sweetcorn is on the no no list now." Chuckling, she kisses at the top of his head, and holds him tight, finding a warm comfort that only he could ever really provide. It almost made her unwilling to tuck him back in, but she did, somehow resisting the urge to just lay down with him. "Mommy?" Innocent eyes peer up at her as she strokes his hair. "Are you sad?"

The question made her heart hurt, she never wanted to be sad in front of him but she should have known, he was always very perceptive. "I'm a little bit sad, yeah. Missing your Uncle Jayden a lot today." It wasn't a lie, and she obviously wasn't going to tell her four-year-old child about her breakup. "It's okay to be sad sometimes, as long as you know how to make yourself happy again, and I do, so don't worry." Nodding, she wasn't sure that part was quite true, not as things stood. "How do you do that?" He asks, making her laugh softly. "Well, I just look at you and all that sadness goes away. You know what I always tell you, I'm the luckiest mommy in the world to have a baby as kind and loving as you. But it's late, so close your eyes and dream nice dreams. I love you." Leaning forward to kiss his head, she waits for him to say it back and gently leaves the room, door ajar just how he liked it.

As soon as he was out of sight, she has her hands pressed over her mouth, silencing the hiccup and quickly making her way to her room. Washing up and getting into her pj's, she's surprised when she sees her mom still here, waiting for her on the sofa. "Now that your baby is settled, let me settle mine..." Patting a hand on the sofa, Alara looks between her and the spot, wary, almost timid. She didn't want to break, but damn, it didn't matter how old she got, a mother's influence was always the instinctive way to run. And so, she grabs a blanket and walks over, settling herself closely by her side, head on her shoulder and arm around her front, allowing her mother to just be there and hold her.

"Jayden was never wrong about this, can't beat one of your hugs." Smiling as she sits up, she doesn't bother to hide the sad defeat in her eyes, instead, she just shrugs. "Nate and I are done. He'd rather spiral than lean on me. I tried, but... It's pretty impossible to fight for someone who doesn't want to be fought for." The corners of her eyes crease as she tries to say it with a calm tone. As soon as she hears her mom say she's sorry, she shakes her head, trying to tell her she didn't really have anything else to say, except maybe... "You know what the worst part is? I never forgot how crap this feels, I broke my own promise never to put myself back in a position where I can be hurt because... I managed to convince myself that this time, it wouldn't end with tears."

And in a gesture to her own, she scoffs a sad half-laugh and tries to swallow the lump in her throat. She appreciates that her mom gives her the time to talk without interrupting, the squeeze on her arm is comforting enough without making her feel crowded. "Maybe I'm just not meant to be in a relationship. Some people aren't, and that's fine. I was happy by myself, I can be that way again." Nodding, "Yeah. It's fine. I'm- I'll be fine." Maybe if she said it enough, she would actually start to believe it. "Alara..." That soft tone of a concerned mother had her sucking in a breath as she shakes her head. "Don't. Please, just don't. I don't need you to say anything." She practically insists, misty brown eyes lifting up to hers only to close with a shaky sigh. "Okay, sweetie. I won't. But you should go get me some pajamas because I'll be staying here tonight." Her mom says, lifting a hand up to Alara's cheek, hoping that she wouldn't protest. Truthfully, she didn't have the energy, and not being alone sounded far better. "Thank you."

[nerves-nebula]

what made your first year of college so much worse than the second?

godddd where do i even start. Complaining goes under the cut cuz it’s too damn long.

8 hour studios 3 times a week that start at 8 AM and only break for lunch. one of the professors expected us to stand the entire time we were drawing and only sit when we went on break. plus homework for those studios, because each studio was a different foundational class. and on the days when you dont have those studios you got other foundational classes like art history and literature or something. you've got homework for all of these classes too and tests and everything.

and each studio being a different class is a huge issue and really frustrating as well. the classes are drawing, design and, like, basically a 3D class, right? where you use power tools and carve stuff and all that. But imagine you go to this school for painting or to make clothes, then the three foundational classes might just really bore and frustrate you. because you don't really feel like they're helping you gain any skills in your preferred major.

so you have all these artistic kids who want to do their best, being forced to do things they hate and being told it's to make us "more well rounded." (which dont get me wrong i understand, but that doesnt make it suck any less)

so all the art you make is painful to create, and you don't even like the result. but we knew what we signed up for, and the point is to last past first year so you can get into your major. thats the point for me, at least. so you just get what you can done, but i cant imagine what I would've done if i'd fallen behind even once.

And then my own personal hell- being in a new place and not knowing what to do or who to talk to or how to communicate ! So i was constantly stressed out in like a social way. idk if i vented about this here but i fell over in a fit of anxiety and hyperventilation in class multiple times first year. I straight up fell over at least twice and i had crying fits multiple times (with varying degrees of how quiet I was being, sometimes they don't even notice :D)

I was incredibly emotionally isolated and cried myself to sleep like every night. my only social interactions were at work because I'm very bad at socializing properly and making friends in class, and i was always too tired to go to any events. LUCKY for me I met a really cool friend while doing some student work and it was really nice and chill.

ANYWAY BACK TO THE STRESS. to give an example of the situation: our first homework for drawing class was to make this big ink master copy of a van gogh sketch, and it didn't have to be perfect, or even GOOD tbh, but regardless it took forever. and i spilled my ink on it which nearly led to a breakdown but instead i just laughed cause otherwise I'd go insane. the amount of podcasts and audiobooks i burned through that year just to keep myself sane was mind-numbing. i listened to, no joke, ALL of Well There's Your Problem, and i went back and listened to a lot of them more than once.

i was really lucky though, cause some other students had first projects that were like "bring in 50 drawings by next class" or "make a chair out of only cardboard that you can sit on without it collapsing" or something. and i never had a teacher that bad.

actually, my second semester design professor was really REALLY chill. He let me sleep in class if i finished the work so I spent a few hours in his class just chilling and sleeping fitfully (as in I was so stressed i would gasp and mutter myself awake, which really alarmed my classmates but i never got close enough to them to explain myself soooo they prolly just think something is wrong with me. which it is! oh well)

i can only speak for myself but i was basically working any moment i wasn't sleeping, eating, shitting, or showering. somehow other people made time to befriend each other and hang out and like, go to parties??? i dont know how. Frankly I don't even remember how i did what i did either, specifically I reached out to my college's mental health services and got on some medication for anxiety. I also somehow managed to write an essay for our student published thingy about how I wanted to kms and felt unsupported by mental health professionals lmao.

I have NO IDEA how i did any of that because this year i kept falling asleep for five hours in the middle of the day. my theory is that I got more done because I physically HAD TO STAY AWAKE. I COULD NOT ALLOW MYSELF TO FAIL.

I was so stressed out the first year that I often couldn't sleep without hugging my giant elephant stuffed animal or using it as a comforting weight on top of me. one morning i woke up hyperventilating and went to go cut a huge role of paper at like 6 AM because i was so worried about forgetting to cut the paper before i left before class at 8 AM.

so yeah, my theory is that since second year wasn't that insanely stressful, all those hours i spent eking out any artistic joy possible (making owl house comics, writing that essay, and painting my clothing) just to make sure i didn't kms were replaced instead with me just falling asleep at inopportune times, because I wasn't as scared that I wouldn't have time for my work.

OH MY GOD AND FIRST YEAR I GOT PUT IN TWO CONSECUTIVE GROUP PROJECTS WITH THIS ABSOLUTE MONSTER- but that could be its entire own post. suffice it to say that he had been reported multiple times for various things and one of my classmates recognized who i was talking about just from me vaguely complaining about how much i hated him.

anyway im sure there's even more that i forgot about but to be honest i think i've explained enough.

[loveotomization]

i got unbaaaanned here's an ask: can i get a behind the scenes for (one of) your fav/s akekita scene/s you've written, any fic 👀 like, how did the idea come to you, or some fun fact abt the writing process... if you have anything to share ^^

Thank you for this!! I've been dying to have an excuse to talk about this stuff, you have no idea!

This wasn't exactly what you asked, but I thought I'd mention that people who have read my stuff in general point out my use of off-the-wall metaphors/similes. If anyone enjoys my little flair in doing this, I highly recommend reading the works of Peter Beagle! I shamelessly stole the technique from him and made it my own. I recommend starting off with The Last Unicorn (it's a classic for a reason), but any of his older works share a similar style (A Fine and Private Place, Folk of the Air). I'm not sure that I would be a writer today without him.

Anyway...

-Fun fact: Akechi is easier for me to write than Yusuke. I, too, am very angry inside and probably just need a hug lol It's cathartic. Although, two years of studying art in college actually helps with writing Yusuke, because I don't need to look up art terms.

-In Aesopica, the ending was highly inspired by my favorite Tokyo Ghoul fic, in which Kaneki turns the tables on Tsukiyama in the end (huge content warnings for that TG fic btw). I loved how satisfying the circular nature of it was and wanted to try something similar. I knew the ending I wanted to create right from the first chapter.

I cannot remember how I came up with the fruit bowl to both mark the passing of time, and the decay of their relationship. But go past me for coming up with that! My 2017 brain was the real mvp.

This is also my longest fic and you will not see me write anything this long again lol I just don't have it in me. Shout out to long fic writers, I'll have some of whatever you're snacking on.

I also remember this being something of a vent fic. I was sad and wanted to my faves to be sad together. While I do enjoy supportive akekit, where they both grow together, I also love when they just make each other worse.

-Sliced Halves, Light Syrup, please imagine me in the grocery store staring blankly at a can of peaches while concocting an entire fic. Writers are very normal people.

This is also my second most popular akekit fic. Fluff sells, I guess. I prefer my darker stuff tbh!

-After Aesopica, my personal favorite of mine is Psychosomatic. I'm shy about my love of organ-fondling since it's not a common thing to be into (there's not even an official ao3 tag for it lol), so I'm grateful to the person on the kink meme for prompting this. Knowing someone else was interested allowed me to put myself out there and write it. I re-read it not long ago just for fun, and it holds up. It's the intimacy of literally touching the insides of someone, you know?

-I'm scrolling through my akekit fics now and wow! I do not remember some of these? Who wrote these while I wasn't looking??

-Kilroy Was Here was going to be serious angst about Akechi forcibly kissing Yusuke so that he would no longer trust him, because he feels like he doesn't deserve trust, blah, blah... But the idea of Yusuke annoying the crap out of him before they got to that point was so funny to me that I had to run with it. If anyone was wondering about my sense of humor, this fic is it. (I am not funny)

-Born to be Posthumous 69 kudos harr harr... I enjoy this one even if it wasn't as popular as some of my others. I remember being depressed and angry and wanting to take it out on Akechi.

This is getting long now, but it was fun! Thank you again! Hopefully this wasn't too far from you asked! Most of my scenes just come to me as I'm writing with a basic idea in mind, so I just toss them in as I go. A humble chef tossing anything she finds in the fridge right into the soup.

Now that I'm back from my writing hiatus I definitely plan to bring out more akekit when I can!

[bringmefoxgloves]

(vent cw)

i really hate myself rn. i need to wash my bedding cause it feels gross but my step dad is washing the entire high school football team’s uniforms. i want to rip off this heart monitor even though i have one more day on it and i want to feel clean and normal and not hate how my hair looks and that i’m sweating so much, so i always feel gross. my room and this house feel disgusting and stresses me out and yet my room is the only place i can hide.

and i just now sat out in the kitchen eating something i fear will affect my tummy (chicken alfredo which has a lot of cheese but i forgot my lactaid) and trying to hold back my physical cringing at how loud my younger brother was yelling directly in my ear as he was telling a story to my mom on my other side.

it something about his wallet disappearing from the locker room because my step dad snagged it so it wouldn’t get stolen and how he was ready to beat up any kid who took it (they were all freshmen and he’s a senior) and then blew up on my step dad for taking it. i think my younger brother honestly has anger issues in how he was ready to employ violence as his first instinct.

and then as soon as i finished my plate i stood up, felt dizzy as my family immediately commented on me getting up so fast without talking to them. i told them i was tired, i just wanted to get the hand washes done while i had energy left as i was fading fast. which lead to my brother bringing up last night and then i had to expel more energy i didn’t have to defend myself against my brothers half assed apology as i tried to explain what happened. all for my step father and mother to say that ‘this seems to be a communication issue’ and take his side and it fell on me and *i* should have informed my brother that i was going to bed.

however, i told my parents i was going to bed early because my younger brother was still on an hours long facetime call with his girlfriend (who he drove to see… overnight? like he stayed over with her. wtf. so it’s fine for him, a 17 year old, to do that when you never would have let me do the same if i had asked when i was his age? i smell some sexism here) and wasn’t available for me to tell. i fucking told someone, i told my brother but he was too eager to get back to his facetime with his girlfriend to listen to me as i half sobbed from my bed when he woke me up with a pound on my door, i told him that i was too- and that’s all i could get out before he slammed the door last night telling me to just do the dishes. so i told someone, he just didn’t fucking listen because i must be lazy or trying to avoid chores.

i would have assumed my mom or maybe my step father (but who am i kidding. he’s not done hand washes if someone else cooks in years) to help cover for me but they didn’t, last night they just watched another episode of the good doctor and went to bed. or maybe i just wanted my younger brother to do them (he had a standing offer to do all the dishes if i was tired a few days ago? guess that has been rescinded) but no.

instead i had my entire family telling me this was my fault while i was trying to shakily walk around to put stuff away in the kitchen. they finally shut up when i told them it took me two whole hours to do the dishes last night. and then my step dad muttered under his breath that he could hear how long i was doing dishes last night. like i was still the problem.

but i’m now on my bed and i just want to cry but i won’t because someone will come in and try to comfort me and ask what’s wrong and i can’t explain it without sounding ungrateful and entitled and weird and asking too much from my family and this fucking world

my entire scalp itches and i should finish repairing the pants i wanted to wear to pride which is in three days but i don’t know if i’ll have the energy. i also signed up for two volunteer shifts at pride cause i thought i would have more energy but this week has just been fucking draining me. i don’t want to let people down, i don’t want to miss out on my community, but i’m afraid i won’t be able to summon up the energy. i know i will crash afterwards for sure.

i can feel myself on the verge of a meltdown and i am in sensory overload mode cause my brother played such loud music in the shower that i could clearly hear it in my room, and everyone eating and talking made me want to scream, and now my parents are watching another good doctor episode in the living room with the sound up so loud. i stg i’m going to break.

today i still had to clean up after everyone just leaving random dishes out and crap scattered around cause i’m still the live in housekeeper as an adult child not paying rent, my bank account is empty (i have less than two dollars in there but i’m scared of asking my parents for more money cause i see my brother taking more money from them while they say we have to tighten our finances), i can’t get a job because of my health. i want to continue in my plans of opening my own business but i don’t know how i will with everything going on.

i’m scared and uncomfortable with how weak my legs are, i just want some time alone and to rest. i want my own space without anyone breathing down my neck, without judging me, without thinking if i just applied myself i could do things. i want someplace without my step dad asking me if i have more energy now, as if that answer will change right now in the conditions i’m in. someplace where i didn’t have my mother going on a new diet kick or shaking some alternative medicine that will surely cure my long covid and fix my gut microbiome (because if i fixed my gut i would get all my energy back and be normal again, it will fix whatever is wrong with me, cure me and make me normal again) in my face.

i want a place where i could eat at the table without feeling like i’m in the middle of a battle field and i can hear everyone’s chewing and breathing like they’re right in my ear, a place where my brother won’t walk in on me naked in the bathroom (because that happened today). a place i could shut my door without being called antisocial and leave it open without everyone coming to ask me to do something for them.

i want a place i could be alone, where i could spread out and inhabit my own space, someplace i could eat and make my own food, control what is in the cupboards and fridge, that i could lay on the floor and stim freely, a place where i didn’t have five pets assaulting my nose and demanding attention and getting hair everywhere.

a place i could use a shower stool without being called lazy or over exaggerating, someplace i could use a wheelchair because i desperately need to, someplace i could have things laid out to assist me rather than hinder me.

someplace i could dress as i want/have my hair as i want with no one questioning what my gender is. someplace i could have my own private sexual life and not have to answer my brother’s questions about my sexual orientation and identity and what i have done or listen to him boast about his conquests.

i want my own place, independent and stable and safe for a disabled and neurodivergent person like me.

but the world isn’t set up for that.

i look at other people my age or even younger who are in better places, with better jobs, living on their own, able to care for themselves and it just feels so unfair that i can’t have that. that my mind and my body aren’t set up to operate like that without a lot of help.

i know i will need help for a long time yet and it’s clashing with my desire for independence. i’m fucking 26 and living in my parents house. but i still need to stay here cause in two years my top surgery will take place and i have no one else to care for me.

i feel like i’m stuck in amber and going fucking nowhere.

i’m just…. i’m so tired. i know i’ll be fine eventually, all’s well that ends well and if it isn’t well yet it isn’t over and all that, i know. i know i just have to be patient but i’m tired.

anyways thanks for reading and i’m certain i will feel better tomorrow.

[thearchivistsjournal]

Day 339,

Maiko came back into the Village last night.  I didn’t see her until this evening though.  I’d already locked up and gone to bed by the time she arrived so she spent the night in the lighthouse.

And all of today.

It had stormed hard enough all afternoon to keep the kids staying late again, so it was just after dark by the time I’d finished cleaning the schoolroom, prepped materials for tomorrow, seen Cass home, fed myself, and then sat down to write in this journal.  I was sitting at the table I use as a teacher’s desk, listening to the now-gentle rain outside the window and staring at a blank page trying to figure out what to write when Maiko slipped in the front door without knocking.  She was wearing the old archivist’s clothes again, and had her cloak pulled even tighter around her than the weather warranted.  In the moment she walked in she had one hand tugging down on the cloak’s hood so low to cover her face that her horns were threatening to rip a pair of holes.

I greeted her, got up, pointed out where she could hang her cloak and fetched her a towel.  She hesitated noticeably before taking her cloak off.  Come to think of it, she’d kept it on with the hood up all throughout the tour the other day, didn’t she?  How’d I miss that?

I inquired what brought her to the library at this hour.  Not that she was unwelcome in any way, but it was obvious she was here for a reason.

The pause of one finding the words to say something necessary but embarrassing.

She was hungry.  She told me of how she’d shown up last night, intending to spend today as her first real day in the Village.  But then morning came and she couldn’t bring herself to leave the lighthouse.  She didn’t know why.  The other day she’d been out and about and nothing bad happened.  But now the old fears were all coming back at once.  So she’d stayed up at the top of the lighthouse until nightfall.  And now she was hungry and hadn’t eaten since yesterday but didn’t know how to go about getting food within the Village.

She was pretty hard on herself about the whole thing.  More than I think I’ve seen her before, except maybe when she showed up at the house after her… less than ideal… reunion with Lin.  She was even talking more than normal in the course of venting her frustration.

I told her that I get it.  I don’t know why or how I get it, because I’ve not been through anything similar since I first washed up here, but I did.  Some echo of my past life maybe?  But a lifelong fear of what might happen if people see you as you are just doesn’t go away after one good experience.  I don’t know if it ever does entirely, or if it just finally gets worn down small and quiet enough to ignore.  And going into that kind of situation alone is an entirely different experience from when you’re with people that already know and accept you.

But I have faith in her.  That she’s stronger than her fears.  Stronger than anyone that might try to make those fears justified.

She thanked me and then pointed out that she was still hungry.

Unfortunately, for once I didn’t have much in the way of surplus on me.  A few bites for a snack to tide her over, but not enough for a proper meal.  But where to go to get something more substantial?

Norman and Marva’s?

Maiko didn’t want to impose on them and Cass after they’d gone out of their way to feed us all the other day.

Pat’s place?

Same reason not to.

Lin?

Huan made her uncomfortable.  Same for me there.

Vernon?

Maiko confessed she was ashamed to have any of our friends see her incompetent like this.  Coming to me for help was bad enough.

I said there was no shame in going to friends for help.  We’d all be happy to.

Maybe, but she still felt that way.

I’d be a hypocrite to deny how strong that can be.  Still, it didn’t leave us with many options, especially after dark like this.  Really there was just the inn.

Maiko had a whole other set of apprehensions about that, of course, but eventually I was able to reassure her that outside a market day I’d be surprised if there’s even half a dozen other people there, especially after dark and in this weather.

As it turns out I was pretty much correct in that assessment.  Still, five pairs of eyes is enough to stare uncomfortably.  I smiled and waved back, acting like there was nothing unusual about the night or Maiko’s presence in hopes that would diffuse things or at least get a message across.  It sort of worked?

At least the innkeeper (I swear, one of these days I’m going to remember their name) had the grace to treat Maiko like just another regular, which I think helped put her a little more at ease.  I did my part as well to try to keep up conversation and give her something to focus on other than the strangers at the other tables.  I found myself thinking about how this was a sort of reversal of my dinner with Vernon the night after the incident getting lured into the woods by the nature sprite.  Unfortunately, I am not nearly so good a conversationalist as Vernon.

But there was something else I could do for her.

After briefly asking if she minded what I had in mind, I stepped out into the center of the inn’s common room.  It’s funny, for all my persistent anxieties over social interaction, getting up and performing in front of a crowd is getting easier and easier.  I think it’s because when I’m giving a telling, I’m not me, I’m simply the Archivist, and telling stories is simply what the Archivist does.  Between putting on that mask and getting into the flow state where looking back I recall only the story, not the performance or the audience, I’m not really interacting socially.  I barely even am.  It sounds a little unsettling when I put it that way, but in practice it’s oddly liberating.  Calming even.

If I couldn’t take her mind off her situation, I could at least give her the gift of being in a crowd where no one was looking at her.

Spur of the moment as the performance was, I just went with the first story that came to mind.  About a family of tiny people living in the walls and floors of a house and getting by on borrowing from the house’s giant (or normal-sized, depending on your perspective) residents, and the events that ensue when their existence is discovered one day.  Halfway through the story I fumbled my words for a moment as the similarities to Maiko’s situation hit me all at once.  It was enough to spur me to improvise a different ending.  One where the tiny family stays in the home in harmony with their larger neighbors instead of making a bittersweet departure to find a new secret home.

Stories have power.  They shape the way we see the world, however minutely or unintentionally.  Tellers should be mindful of their messages.  Nothing is ever truly “just a story”.

As the two of us were preparing to leave later, the innkeeper offered us a room or two if we needed it.  Said they were all free tonight.  Maiko actually seemed to consider it for a moment before saying that she already had a place to stay.

As we stepped back out into the night, it occurred to me that she kept her hood up the whole time we were in there.  Well, getting comfortable with showing yourself in public takes time.

Although she’d originally indicated she planned to spend the night in the lighthouse again, as we were about to part ways Maiko hesitated and asked if she could spend the night in the archive.

I told her that she’s always welcome there, although we might have to improvise with the bedding.  As I write this she’s stretched out on a bunch of towels in the alcove with a sheet from the bed over her.  I offered her the actual bed, but she said she was more used to the ground.

I’ll need to be careful not to wake her when I go in to sleep myself.

<==Previous          Next==>

[qasian-tech-support]

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[tamlinsimp]

Fellow Tamlin simp, here. :) I'm rereading ACOTAR, and there's something I wondered about that most of the fandom takes for granted: who really sent the music into Feyre's cell? In ACOMAF, Rhysand takes credit for it, but I think if he really did send her music, he would have sent it into her mind and not through the vent. Besides, there's nothing in canon that really implies that he *made* the music. The only musician we know of in both ACOTAR and ACOMAF is *obviously* Tamlin. (In ACOSF, it's implied that Azriel can sing, I guess? But that has no relevance to the first two books.)

I think Tamlin, the only character who has been established as someone who can play music and play it so well he could make a fortune (Feyre's own words), had one chance to play a song, either alone in his room or for Amarantha's court. If we want to give Rhysand credit for pushing the sound into the vent in Feyre's cell, fine.

As a side note: the imagery that Feyre sees with the music probably is Velaris, but in the first book we don't know that. The images she describes are colorful, a sunset or a sunrise; Tamlin is compared to sunshine many times. In his unglamoured form, he wears a "circlet of sunshine", after all. The Night Court up to that point is only described as a place of darkness and despair, so I think readers like myself can be forgiven that we don't immediately associate the colorful imagery with Rhysand. Anyway.

My personal theory is that Tamlin sent the music into Feyre's cell. This exchange with Rhysand in ACOMAF could easily have been with Tamlin (before the retcon):

..Feyre: "You sent that music into my cell. Why?"

.."Because you were breaking. And I didn't know another way to save you."

Whereas Rhysand, who could winnow and *could* have winnowed Feyre out if he really wanted to, decided that to "save" her he would make Tamlin angry enough to kill Amarantha when the time came. But that is another discussion entirely.

tl;dr: Tamlin was the one who sent the music into Feyre's cell, or at least he's the one who played it for her. What do you think?

Hi anon!

Holy good point! That's an amazing catch. I guess the only issue-ish would be why Tamlin didn't or wouldn't bring it up if he did send it. But the more I think about it, it also doesn't make sense for Rhysand to send it through the vent, when he was supposedly canonically "paranoid" of getting caught w/helping her. This was the excuse he used, or was implied (I don't remember exactly), as to why he assaulted Feyre numerous times to keep this "bad boy" persona. And quite honestly the whole "you were breaking" is such a cop out to me. There were plenty of ways Rhysand could have helped her without abusing her if he was actually concerned that she was breaking. There is also another important detail from the first book that I feel was drastically changed in the series to fit Rhysand but it just doesn't. When the Suriel gave her the "prophecy," contextually, all of it applied to Tamlin. Nothing in it suggested Rhysand and Hybern because everything in his excerpt depended on TAR’s plot. SJM applying it to Rhysand is so forced. Like, if you read that part with the Suriel in ACOTAR, it doesn't make sense to apply it to Rhysand-Hybern. I tried so many times and it just wasn't it. I think same applied to the imagery Feyre imagined when she heard the music. It was changed last minute to fit Rhysand.

But thank you for sharing that!

[mywritingonlyfans]

One Shot with Ethan Torchio // It's a bit Fluffly, Smut and Angsty

prompt: in which, ethan always need/visit you when he's not in tour + casual sex(?) with ethan tying you up so you don't touch him i'm telling you this but isn't a hardcore smut

warnings: it's smut. a fluffly kinda sexy(?)maybe it's just sexy bc it's ethan smut ig fem!reader

(he is so hot. i'm crying all my tears, and that's fucking pathetic.)

Your head hurt, you knew your face was probably red due to your desire to go home and cry, but yet, your friends convinced you to go out for a drink. According to them nothing was too bad that a beer couldn’t improve, you doubted it.

Somehow, you found yourself happy to have accepted.

You didn’t know Ethan was back in town, you briefly wondered why you didn’t know, since he always contacted you when he was near (or at least that was what it seemed to be). Still, you were glad to see him. He was always able to make things better, even if only for a short period of time; which in your case was very short one as he wasn’t yours to have.

Ethan complemented your friends, they were all too familiar to him. He hugged you, giving a small kiss to your head while sitting next to you. Suddenly, you felt like a stronger drink would do you good.

It wasn’t hard to tell what was going to happen in the next few hours, after a couple of years going through that, you knew the time you spent together would always be the same. You guessed that you were able to put his head in place, just as he did with yours; and that's why he always came back to you. You'd never be able to tell if it was luck or mischance.

“Was it too hard to find me?” You asked him.

By now, your friends had moved to another corner. “I mean, I’m not complaining, I’m glad you did.” You offered him a weak smile. He did the same.

He looked tired, yet deadly cute.

He shuffled his chair closer to yours, letting his leg touch your bare knee. “Not really, Victoria said she called you in the morning, then told me that you intended to visit here for the night,” he mumbled, signaling to the bartender that he needed a beer, and so did you.

“She’s a gossip,” you wrinkled your nose, causing him to provide offer you a nasal laugh that you had learned to find lovely over the years. “But what has been happenin’ in your life lately? You’re good?” You tried to sound casual, but deep down you knew he wasn’t there entirely for you. Something was bothering him, he was looking for someone to rest on.

“Pretty much the same,” he sighed heavily. He wasn’t tired just physically. “We finished the last album, I feel exhausted.”

He looked at you like a lost puppy, watching your face, analyzing if you were in the mood to listen to him, or even if you were okay with having him around. After all, he came to you out of nowhere.

He’d never make you uncomfortable around him, maybe he hadn't noticed that yet. “C’mon, let it all out. I haven’t seen you for too many months for you to deprive me of the details.”

“If I tell you,” he pondered, “ you’ll tell me why you have a runny nose to match your watery eyes?” He poked your cheek, dragging his fingers so he could put some strands of hair back in place.

His seat was now so close to you that you'd be able to rest your head on his shoulder if you wanted to without creating any bodily discomfort.

“I guess life just hasn’t been all that gentle with me lately.” You giggled at him. “I lost my job last week, the same life shit is goin’ on as usual, and when I finally managed to move to a decent place, I’ll now be actually going back to sharin' apartment with strangers, because, y’know, I can’t afford bein’ in there anymore.”

Ethan was quiet for a while, you needed him more than he needed you. Listening to you made him realize how his worries were nothing at all. He knew that you didn't mind sharing an apartment with someone, but the loss of perspective was always tough.

Without further thinking, he pulled you to himself, fluffing your hair and holding you tight in his grip. You didn’t cry, yet it was possible to read your emotions. It was little, but Ethan knew you.

You took your head off his chest while he still had his arm around your waist. Taking a deep breath, you stared at your laced fingers, feeling it slow down. “I guess it’s all happenin’ at the same time, I’m just not sure how to handle it at the moment,” he held your face in his hand, his mouth close to yours as he ran his fingertips over your chin, until his lips were on you.

He was soft and wet, he had the same taste you still had etched in your mind, at that moment it seemed to be all you needed. He let go slowly, distributing pecks on the corners of your mouth, letting his forehead rest against yours.

You two stayed like that for a few minutes and you could bet that anyone who passed by could see how much of a fool you were for him. You tried not to think about it too much, it was better to have little of him than to have nothing. “Ethan?”

“Huh?” He murmured with his eyes closed, giving your lips a tickling sensation.

“Kiss me more,” and then he did. Ethan was holding you in place while your hands intertwined around his neck. You played with the chain of his necklace, savoring the touch of his tongue on yours, focusing only on him while pulling at his hair to hear his soft moans.

It didn’t take long for the bartender to come get your attention. You laughed nervously against him, you were embarrassed because you didn’t even remember where you were, still Ethan seemed untouchable about it. He wasn’t one to be embarrassed over small things like that, at least not with you. The bartender was quite irritated with the two of you and just now you noticed that your drinks had arrived and hadn’t even been touched; he was rightly pissed.

Ethan stood up, lifting you up with him. You looked in your pockets for your money, but then Ethan said it was okay and that he’d pay. You would argue, yet any money left over would be welcome. You held both beers in hand as he paid, thanking the old lady for the service, still feeling your skin burning with embarrassment, and then headed outside to wait for Ethan.

“Are you drivin’?” He asked, laughing at your state of awkwardness.

You bumped into his shoulder slightly, laughing along with him. “I am not, I’m living nearby,” you whispered as he put his hand inside your skirt pocket, bringing you to his side for a walk. “In the apartment that soon won’t be mine… how ‘bout you?”

“Not drivin’, I thought about staying somewhere to spend the night.”

He was close to home, but not that close, it would take about 3 hours to get to where he lives; it seemed plausible that he wanted to stay. “Are you only here because of me?” You risked asking.

“Yeah,” he took his hand out of your pocket and ran it through his hair. “I didn’t think it‘d be a bad idea.”

There was a silence, but it was far from being uncomfortable. “You know you can stay with me.”

——————-

Considering that you were in the process of moving to another place your house was a bit of a mess. Ethan wouldn’t be bothered by that, somehow your instinct of wanting things always in place - aka Monica from Friends - made you wander around the space in an attempt to make Ethan at home.

“What ‘bout the new album?” You asked, dragging one of the boxes away from him. It wouldn’t even bother anyone, but the thought that it would be in the middle of the room while someone was at your house bothered you.

“I don’t really know, I feel anxious about releasin’ it. It’s not that I don’t want to release it or am afraid of doing so, far from that, it's just, I don’t know… ” His voice fell silent, lost in his thoughts.

You turned to him, wanting to ask him what he had said, after all, that didn’t sound like Ethan, you felt as his hands touched your hips, pulling you on his lap. “Y'know I don’t care about your mess, right? Just, please, stop walkin’ 'round the house dragging boxes.” He said with his face close to your neck, hugging you from behind. His warm breath was in contact with your soft skin, providing heat to your body. Well, there was a minimal percentage chance that you were trying to make the place look good for Ethan, just because he made you a little nervous.

“Okay, fine. I’m fine,” you exhaled, turning to face him. He was smiling with his eyes almost closing; he still looked tired, but at least you were improving his mood. “You know you’re good at what you do, Ethan. You shouldn’t worry 'bout those things.” You held on to his shoulders, breaking something that could turn out to be a pity silence.

He squeezed your thigh at the same time as he laughed humorlessly at your words. “I know that. I guess that this is the short time they gave us to finish the album – it was drivin’ me crazy. The album isn’t bad, not at all, it’s honestly very good. Dami did a incredible job, still if it weren’t for the time it could have been even better. That’s crazy how I’m still letting myself get stressed over this, don’t you think?” He vented, moving his hands up your skirt.

“I know it’ll be good, I can’t think of anything you did that ended up bad!” You ran your fingers over his covered shoulders, down to his chest, going to the first open button of his t-shirt. “But if it’s just stress I can help you.”

He lubed his lips, nodding assiduously, putting you properly on top of him. That way, you were stuck to his body, feeling the rough of his jeans along with the zipper against your underwear. You gulped as he held your face, sealing your lips with his. You were relieved he always guided you through that; the leading up part was way better when it came from him.

You unbuttoned the rest of his shirt in middle of sloppy kisses and grips. Running your hand over his belly, tracing your fingers to the back of his neck while moving your hips lightly. You lugged on his hair, pulling him away to catch your breath. You opened your eyes to find Ethan with a deep pink mouth and brown eyes more intense than normal, at that moment you could have sworn that he was the most beautiful thing you had ever laid eyes on. You spread his shirt to the sides, sensing your body getting hotter, when Ethan smirked at your rush, managing to hold both of your hands behind you; stopping you in place.

“No need to rush, we have plenty of time,” he clenched you in his hands. You arched your back, breathing heavily at each touch of his fingers on your wrists.

He ran his nose over your neck, placing kisses and bites on the way to your collarbone, leaving wet tracks that would later turn into dark marks.

Your legs ached from that position, the couch wasn’t the best, but feeling Ethan getting hard under you as you writhed yourself against him, made you want to stay there for as long as he wanted you to. It was crazy to think that at the beginning of the day you were sure that the rest of it would be a pure disaster, and now being spoiled by Ethan’s lips your worries seemed to fade away.

Temporary as that would be, you were determined to give him your all, making his and yours next hours one of the best escapes from both of you. Unnecessary to say that you were lost in your own mind by now, craving for having his strands in-between your fingers, wanting him tugged into you furiously, causing you to ache. Your mouth was ajar, your vision was just white dots as he played with your sensitive skin, driving you insane. Ethan paralyzed when his grip became too strong around your fists and you got louder than usual.

“D’you like that?” He did it again, but this time pushing your body backward. He kept his devilish grin on his face, watching you from top to bottom. You bit your lips, containing your noises to yourself. Such an angel in his eyes. “Up, babe. I need to see something.” He didn’t let you answer, not as if he needed to. You stood up in front of him, legs shaking with your head definitely not in the right place. “Undress.” He rested his elbows on his knees.

His face was serious, and you didn’t see any problem in obeying his voice, but perhaps, due to the lack of his body being glued to yours, you couldn’t help but let out a laugh.

“Don’t act like you don’t like it when I tell you what to do,” He caught you by the hem of your underwear, helping to take it off while you got rid of your blouse. “Especially, when I just got you off my lap, almost unconscious 'cause of some kisses to your soft neck, pet.” He added, drawing circles on the inside of your thigh, smoothly going up to your center.

You felt your breath come to a halt. “You’re just too bossy.” You teased, confirming that your breathing was faulty.

He patted his nose over the damp stain of the fabric, placing a kiss there. “And you love it.” He pecked you a few more times, teasing you by running his fingers on the edges as putting the cloth to the side; never touching you where you needed him.

Almost involuntarily you took hold of his hair, bringing him closer to your core. And then, you understood his previous question, it wasn’t just about not being able to touch him, but also about the power he was having over you.

He cut his actions short and got up, hovering over you. “Tonight, you won’t be allowed to touch me, all right?!” He whispered, tossing your hair behind your ear.

That’d be comical in any other situation, yet with his body and eyes fixed on your frame you felt in his domain.

You nodded, diving into the way he pulled at the hair on the nape of your neck firmly so that you were looking at him. “Go on, babe,” He insisted on having the words he wanted.

“Yes, it’s all right, Ethan,” it was far from all right, you couldn’t do that. How could you go without touching, making a mess of his hair or marking your nails on his back?

“That’s my girl,” he praised you in between sighs.

He was excited while your face was overflowing with nervousness; not out of fear, but out of curiosity. He finished removing his shirt and indicated with his fingers for you to lie down on the couch.

You shut your eyes tight, with his voice echoing 'my girl’ in your mind, Ethan was lugging your wrists above your head as you did what he told you to do. He tied them with his shirt. “Is this hurtin’ you? Are you comfortable?” He tightened it in a knot.

Your head and elbows were on the arm of the couch, only your hands were unsupported. Although you weren’t uncomfortable, it was to be expected that pain would appear the next day; it’d be worth it. “No, it’s fine. I’m good.” You assured him as he knelt beside the couch, running his hands down your torso, making you squirm.

He went down to the hem of your underwear, taking it off with the help of your legs kicking the lace away. “Good then,” he warbled, pattering lines on your pubic hair. “Needy and in your proper place.”

“Bastard,” you swore through clenched teeth.

He grinned, admiring how your breast rose and fell in a quick but punctual rhythm while your hips fidgeted at his touch. You looked like a piece of art he had just created, swollen lips, filled in lovely marks on the collarbone. He found himself in need to concentrate on his breathing while watching you, to control his pulse as he reached his fingertips to your pussy.

“Ethan” you breathed out, forcing your fists. “Go on, please,”

With that, he held your hands, forcing them down and slid a finger inside you. Your lips opened in a sigh and he took the opportunity to kiss you, running his tongue over your bottom lip and nipping it to his mouth, keeping things on a slow pace.

You wanted to hold his hand, make him go faster or be able to pull the locks of his hair until he understood how much you wanted him, but you had no way of doing that, and you knew he was just doing that to provoke you.

His lips traveled over your neck again, this time giving light kisses, blowing air on the soft fresh he had left in there.

“You’re so gorgeous,” he said without even opening his eyes, delighting in your skin as he sped up, now rubbing his thumb gently over your bud.

You whispered something almost inaudible that Ethan recognized as his name. He raised his head, coming face a face to you. “Right there, huh?” He asked, focusing on the spot that was blurring your vision.

You groaned. The satisfying delight running through your veins. You closed your legs, wishing you could hold on to his body, but all he did was laugh, shoving his fingers leisurely into you.

“No, no Ethan,” you looked at him properly, thinking that if you hadn’t been with your wrists tied you’d have slapped his chest.

He wiped his hand on your thigh, and stood up slipping his jeans down his legs along with his underwear. You sighed at him, stretching your arms, staring at the ceiling to disguise yourself. Not that it was necessary, Ethan was already too much of a show-off when it came to you for your liking.

“You good? How’s your arms?” He doubted, getting on top of you.

He had his hair damp, falling over the spots on his forehead. Some of his locks was glued to his chest and his golden pendant dangled in front of your eyes. For a split second, you though about saying that you missed him, but you were wise enough to know better than doing such a thing.

“If I say that I’m not good. Are you goin’ to untie me?”

He pressed his chest to yours, your body sticking to his since you were both sweaty.

“Not even a chance,” He stroked your neck with his thumb, up and down, with a silly look on his face.

You grunted as soon as you felt how solid hard he was against your thigh, he aligned himself in-between your knees, holding on to your shoulders, and without hesitation he filled you up. Your body tingled and your voice failed, causing a silent moan to slip from your lips. His head fell over the crook of your neck and you could feel how dysrhythmic his breathing was. His warm body along with his breath hitting on your neck added a pleasant feeling in your stomach, leaving you dizzy under him.

“Move Ethan,” you tried to sound understandable, embracing his waist with your legs.

He thrusted deeply in you, leaving a breathed sigh of relief in your ears. You stretched out your arms, tightening your thighs around him. He held the shirt in your hands, preventing it from coming loose.

“No, I wanna touch you,” you whined.

“You will, just be patient, babe,” he squeezed your wrists in his hand.

Closing your eyes, you enjoyed the way his body was over yours, every movement and every delicate touch.

He went slowly at first, making sure you were taking all of him before going faster. Once he felt your walls clenching around him, he murmured a breathless 'fuck’, letting go of your hands so that you could finally feel him. You dug your nails into his back, kneading your body against his at the same time as he hugged you.

As you opened your eyes, he was already looking at you, with an intense gaze, building you up to feel sexy and wanted.

Both of you were a mess; sweaty and sticky. You felt a tingling ecstasy take all over your body, your toes twitching as you emptied yourself into him. He kept working on you until his body collapsed into yours, filling you up to perfection.

The last thing you remembered was having your fingers entwined in his hair, patting at it slightly as he whispered sweet nothing against your skin; just like a lullaby.

———–-------

You woke up to the noise of the television, trying to adjust your vision to the brightness of the daylight. Failing to stretch, you felt how sore your body was.

Your eyes searched for Ethan, finding him sitting opposite to you with a lazy smile and a cup of tea in hands, his attention was all on you. Friends was playing on the television, but you doubted he was really watching it.

“Good mornin’ babe,” his husky voice echoed through the room. It was the best thing to hear in the morning. “How’s it? Hurtin’?” He asked when you started examining your marked wrists.

He was fully dressed and although you weren’t, he had managed to get a sheet to cover you.

“Good mornin’. It’s fine, it doesn’t hurt,” you mumbled, scratching your eyes, curling up on the sheet. “How long will you be stayin’ in town?”

“Not long,” he paused thoughtfully. You already expected that he wouldn’t be with you for long, still sometimes you liked to think that it’d last longer than just a few days before he disappeared to another continent. “I need to go home in a few minutes, I’m going to take a flight at night to adjust the final details of the album.”

“Sounds nice,” you wanted to have the courage to tell him how he made things in your life look just right, as if he were some kind of piece missing from your puzzle. “I can’t wait to hear it, hear what your great fingers are capable of.” You ignored your thoughts. He laughed.

However, you truly believed that not saying anything was a wise move.

He lifted a cup from one of the boxes next to him, holding it out to you. “I made one for you too, I hope you don’t mind.”

You didn’t mind it, in fact, you loved the way he made himself at home so quickly. The home that soon wouldn’t be yours anymore. You wished Ethan could remedy your worries for more than just one night.

“Thank you,” you took the still warm drink in your hands, looking at him as if he were part of your decor. “You can smoke in here, I don’t mind that either,” you spoke up. You couldn’t even imagine that he’d have gone without lighting a cigarette all morning.

“The place is all clean, and smells nice. I bet you never lit one yourself, I wouldn’t do that.” He was right.

“Well, y'know that I don’t care about the smell, I just don’t see the need to leave the house impregnated with it.” You explained, remembering that Ethan’s house was a perfect description of that smell, yet you loved his place.

“I know this is going to sound strange,” he started. “But if you can’t find a place in time to live in… you can stay at mine, I mean, you know I am never home and as I’ll be travelin’ you could make yourself at home.”

He said it casually, and you knew he wasn’t lying, if you wanted to he wouldn't even think twice about letting you stay at his.

“No need, I’ll be fine. I do appreciate it though.” you took a sip of your now cold drink.

He bobbed, checking what you thought could be the time on his phone.

“You have to go, I guess?” You asked, your soft voice revealing you didn’t want that.

“I need to,” he gave you a small smile, getting up. “It’s gettin’ a bit late for me.”

“I see,” you went to him, adjusting the sheet on your body, feeling ridiculous for still being undressed. “I guess I’ll see you, right?” You added it while he picked up your stuff on the couch; keys, wallet and the pack of cigarettes. There was no answer for your question.

“Yeah,” he breathed out, heading to the door. “You could come and visit, spend a few days with us. It’d be nice.”

“On tour? Like a groupie?” You wrinkled your nose. His arms wrapping around you. You’d miss it.

He squeezed you into his chest, his tiny beard tickling your cheek. “You know you are much more than just a groupie for me, Y/N.”

You didn’t answer that. He pulled away and for a second you thought he was going to kiss you, but he didn’t.

“See ya Y/N,” instead, he kissed the top of your head. “Think about it, both about comin’ to visit and also about needing a place to stay for a while.”

“I’m sure I will, thank you Ethan,” you watched him, from his rumpled shirt to dark circles under his eyes. He’d always have a special space in your heart. “I guess I’ll see ya then.”

>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<

taglist ( 'cause someone actually wanted to be tagged, i didn't even force anyone😁): @maybanksslut , @oro-e-diamanti

[blu-joons]

Broken Heels ~ Kim Namjoon

The distance continued to grow between the two of you as you walked home from the event that you had attended that evening. With every step that you took, Namjoon could tell that you were struggling more and more with the heels that had tormented you all night long.

“I’m fine,” you tried to assure him as he looked questionably across at you. You were stubborn and convinced that you could get home in your shoes without letting the pain that you were feeling get in the way of you walking.

However, Namjoon could see right through you, as he had done all evening. Every time he turned to look at you, he watched you stumble to the side or reach out for something to balance you preventing yourself from toppling to the ground in a heap.

“We don’t have to walk home if you’re hurting,” he tried to remind you, stopping so that you could catch up with him, “those heels are killing you on the inside.”

“The heels are perfectly fine otherwise I wouldn’t have worn them this evening,” you protested.

You picked up your pace to try and catch up with Namjoon, however as you did, you felt yourself shake to the left once again. Namjoon stepped forward and grabbed onto you, watching as you tried to steady your feet, only for your ankle to roll to the side again.

Straight away you knew that you were in trouble as you looked down to see the heel had fallen off the sole of your shoe, a crack that had threatened to break all night long.

“This is all I needed to finish my night off,” you vented, glancing helplessly across at Namjoon as at last the inevitable seemed to happen for you, having been threatening for some time.

His head shook as he knelt down, unfastening the strap of both of your heels, “we might as well bin these, they’re no good to you now to get you home.”

“How else am I supposed to get home then?”

“We’ll find a way,” he assured you, “I don’t even know why you wore these things tonight anyway.”

“There’s a standard,” you spoke, bringing Namjoon’s eyes up to look at you as his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “There’s always an expectation on me to dress a certain way when I’m with you, I’ve got to look the part, haven’t I?”

Namjoon’s head shook as he carefully slipped your feet out of your heels, placing them gently down onto the cold concrete of the pavement being wary not to cause too much pain for you.

His heart sunk as he realised what you meant, struggling to believe that you felt such a way. Namjoon knew that you felt the pressure dating him, but he never imagined that you would put yourself through so much just to play the part that you felt you needed to fulfil.

“I can’t believe you’d wear heels for the sake of other people,” he whispered, “you should wear what you’re comfortable in, that’s all that I ever want for you Y/N.”

“I don’t need people talking about me,” you admitted as Namjoon stood back up properly by your side, “it’s better to just do the right thing, even if it does kill my feet all night long.”

His head shook as he stepped forwards, pressing a kiss to your forehead, “people don’t talk about you, anyone who wants to talk about you won’t get very far when I’m around.”

Your head nodded as Namjoon searched for your eyes, using the reflection of the streetlights to study your expression closely. “I don’t want to make myself vulnerable Namjoon, I don’t want to give them a reason to get to me.”

“No one will, I’ll make you feel safe, always, and keep you safe too.”

The pain in your voice killed Namjoon on the inside, he had no idea how long you’d felt such a way without telling him. He couldn’t begin to imagine how scared you were for every single event that you went to with him, terrified that you wouldn’t fit the bill.

“I don’t want you to suffer, I want you to feel protected by my side. You should have told me what was going on, you shouldn’t have struggled all night long by yourself Y/N.”

“It’s not just been tonight Namjoon.”

“I know,” he sympathised, “and I hate that it’s been going on for so long. You’ve been falling all over the place and all because you’re scared. What did you think would happen if you opened up to me, did you think I’d make you wear your heels?”

Your head shook back at him, “I just didn’t want you to feel let down, every woman at that event wore heels, it’s like I would have been the odd one out.”

“You would have been comfortable, and that’s the main thing,” he smiled.

Namjoon kept you in position before standing himself in front of you, bending down. You watched on in confusion as he tapped against his back, encouraging you to leap on so that he could carry you safely the rest of the way home.

A laugh came from you as soon as you realised what was going on, “are you really sure you can carry me on your back Namjoon.”

“Of course,” he assured, catching your legs as soon as you jumped on, shaking you gently so that you were positioned comfortably against his back. “It’s the least I can do for you.”

“You don’t need to do anything for me, I really am alright, my ankles already feel better.”

Namjoon knew you meant well, but his head shook, “you’ve suffered in silence because of me, I failed to see what was going on, and I failed to take care of you too.”

Whenever it came to you, Namjoon always blamed himself, even if it wasn’t always his fault entirely. There was no way that he could blame you for wearing your heels and hurting all night long, he just wished now that he could ease the pressure that was in the back of your mind.

“I love you,” he suddenly whispered as he began walking along the path, “and from now on, I want you to promise me that comfort will always be the thing you worry about the most when putting together an outfit.”

“I promise,” you grinned, stretching around his shoulder so that you could press a kiss against his cheek, “and I love you too by the way.”

A gentle blush crept onto Namjoon’s face as he bounced along the pavement with a spring in his step. It had been a long time since the two of you had messed around, carrying yourselves as if you were kids once again.

“Do you reckon you’ll still love me once you’ve carried me all the way home?” You teased, “your back will be in pieces tomorrow morning.”

“I’ll be fine,” Namjoon confidently replied, “and if I’m not, I can join you in the land of injuries, your ankles are going to take a few days to get better after tonight.”

Reluctantly, your head nodded in agreement with him, “I don’t regret wearing the heels, it felt like the right thing to do, at the time at least.”

“I just hope you’ve realised that you don’t need heels for me,” Namjoon smiled, “especially broken ones.”

“Definitely, it’s flats all the way for me from now on.”

---

Masterlist

[shihalyfie]

What went down with the DigiFes situation, from the community and translator perspective

I think the events of the last few days have gotten everyone in a huge fuss, and because everything got caught up in a lot of chaotic social media stuff, there’s been a lot of questions about what came from what and who knew what at what time. Fortunately, I happen to be:

Someone who’s a veteran in this fanbase and thus has a small handful of friends in this community, who also have their own friends

Someone who understands a little Japanese (although not as much as others in this community do) and therefore can read things in Japanese myself to some degree without needing someone else to translate it for me

So hopefully I can shed some light on what kinds of things were being discussed, and what was known and not known at what time in this fanbase with all of this.

The most important thing I want to establish is that there was no organized coalition or smear campaign. (Kind of ironic I have to say this when the topic at hand has so much to do with conspiracy theories.) I’m a veteran, I know friends who are veterans, they know other friends who are veterans but don’t know me at all. My friends usually agree with and like the same things I do, and I give them advice and assistance with my skillset when I can, and they return the favor. We pass things along through the grapevine, not through some super-secret club grapevine, just via the nature of social relationships and some Discord servers (multiple; again, not everyone knows each other). So these are my impressions of what happened, based on said grapevine.

How it all started

Konaka’s blog is long. Like, really long. Which is only natural, because he was recapping basically the entire 51 episodes of Tamers in excruciating detail, so no translator in this fanbase would be able to translate all of that and not lose their mind! So for the most part people who couldn’t read Japanese had pretty much given up on reading it (with maybe a few dedicated people using machine translation), and some people who understood Japanese would point out parts they found interesting, but for all intents and purposes it remained untranslated and not super-accessible to the mainstream. (Even the Japanese fanbase itself wasn’t super aware of the blog’s existence.)

So when that first post in May about 9/11 dropped, the people who did read Japanese started going “uh...”

At the time, the DigiFes stage reading hadn't been announced yet. So, in other words, everyone reading it only knew it as, functionally, him namedropping an alt-right YouTuber and praising his observations. The reaction from anyone reading the blog at the time was something along the lines of “disappointed and mildly concerned.” (Note the mildly.)

The posts in June about the Great Reset and the anti-vaccine sentiment were when people keeping an eye on the situation started to get really worried about how far this was going to escalate. At this point, I want to make something clear that may not be apparent to those who weren’t keeping up or who are outside the fanbase: Most of the translators and Japanese-reading people deliberately chose not to be too public about this at this time.

Why?

This is the irony surrounding the fact that said translators are now being accused of trying to further “cancel culture”: cancellation was absolutely not what anyone wanted back then! If anyone wanted to create a smear campaign, 9/11 conspiracies, the Great Reset, and anti-vaccine statements are already more than enough to make a starting case. But at the time, this was a blog that very few people (Japanese or otherwise) knew about, translating it would basically just boost its platform more than it would have had in the first place (which would be counterproductive), and -- well, let’s be real, it’s not hard to imagine that people might get reactionary over it, and people would go nuts. Was there any real benefit that would come out of that? Not really, no.

So at the most, those keeping an eye on it might have vented a bit on their personal accounts, but some even tried to self-censor with “[redacted]” or vagueposting, because this was a matter that needed to be handled with delicacy. Thus, there were “mild rumors through the grapevine” about what was going on, but those who knew were trying to hold back with restraint and mostly inform people quietly in the hopes of this not needing to become some kind of huge social media campaign.

(Also, to be a bit blunt about it, it’s really hard to be in front of someone who loves Tamers and is gushing about it and showing admiration for Konaka, knowing all of this and wanting to say something, but feeling like a jerk if you pop their bubble like “also, he’s probably an alt-right conspiracy theorist now.” Not to say that the ignorance-is-bliss concept is always a good thing, but...)

But since the blog posts in question were discussing the prospect of having his sentiments in fiction, everyone reading them was on edge anticipating what might be in store for DigiFes. The hope was that it might blow over. Hopefully, everything would be in the form of subtle themes with plausible deniability, it would all stay within the realm of “it’s not worth causing a fuss over this,” that would be the end of it, and we’d all move on with our lives.

Unfortunately, “Political Correctness is activating Cancel Culture” isn’t exactly subtle.

DigiFes and the aftermath

I think it’s too easy to assign too much responsibility to the fansub group that was indirectly responsible for breaking the news for all of this, but actually, the truth is, this would have gotten out anyway.

Even when the stream itself was going on, there were Japanese livebloggers, and there were also English speakers who caught on that something was happening with “the Tamers fighting political correctness”. Some hours later, an upload of the stream went live on YouTube, and quite a few people started watching it and caught onto what was going on. If the fansub group that released the now-infamous version hadn’t done it, I’m absolutely certain someone else would have eventually (perhaps in a different language first, but nevertheless). And even before then, information about what the hell was going on was already starting to circulate in broken and incomplete forms. That fansub solidified what was going on, and perhaps accelerated the moment the bomb dropped on everyone, but if it hadn’t been there, it would have happened much more gradually and chaotically.

On top of that, while the use of Western alt-right rhetoric (seriously, please do not try to bring the “injecting Western politics into Japanese media” argument here when all of us are asking him to take the Western politics out) meant that it went over most of the Japanese audience’s heads (hence your answer to “who approved this?”), there was at least one Japanese person who was politically savvy enough to call it out for what it was in disgust. (I’m not linking them here because I’m not dumb enough to fling them in a place where some of you trigger-happy people will go after them.) They didn’t even need to be super in-tune with Western politics to get it; they understood enough to tell that there were some pretty alarming extremist views in there. If they understood that much, it was naturally going to follow that the Western side was definitely going to become aware one way or another.

Even all that aside, at the very least, said fansub is accurate; imagine how much worse this situation would have been if someone else had taken it up and confused things further with a misleading translation, or, worse, deliberately messed with the contents. Basically, this debacle could have easily been a lot worse.

I don’t think anyone expected this to get as big as it did (as in, to the point mainstream anime reporters outside the fanbase picked up on it). There was a similar tri. reading back in 2016, but even a lot of the hardcore fanbase barely remembers it exists! These aren’t even supposed to be canon, either! But when you have that disclaimer at the front, and the contents are really like that, it was probably inevitable for it to become a social media sensation. I mean the contents...sure are a thing.

One thing I should point out about the disclaimer is that it only mentions the program itself. It doesn’t bring up the blog, and it doesn’t bring up who wrote this scenario, just the fact that the program contains alt-right rhetoric and conspiracy theories. Because it does! It’s not even technically praising or condemning the content within, it just says “we don’t agree with it”! What the group did condemn was...approaching staff about it (and especially starting a fight). Because, in the end, that’s what the disclaimer was for: a heads-up about what was in there, and an added reminder that the people translating this are just translating it for the sake of informational purposes. Or, in other words:

It was a content warning. Even without the disclaimer, there were many, many people who would have recognized the contents for what they were and been caught by it unawares, and become upset by it. There were many people who said that they were glad to have that there because it at least gave them some time to mentally prepare for what they were about to be slapped with!

It really, really was a disclaimer. When you have something that level of extremely politically charged stuff, it’s only natural to start suspecting that the translation group had an agenda (official translations tend to get this a lot when content is remotely political). But no, the translation group did their due diligence, even if their opinions were starkly opposed to what was in there.

I was not personally involved in that translation, but I’ll give you this (copy-pasted with permission, from someone who wasn’t technically involved directly in it but was privy to discussions while it was being done):

no we brought up all of those questions like the fact that Yamaki's clearly off his rocker and this isn't supposed to be taken seriously in the first place or that maybe if we're lucky he'll just sound like a fake woke boomer but no matter how you slice it the plot is about him "convincing" the unbelieving Takato and co. into rallying up against the true enemy of Political Correctness and that's just literally the alt-right playbook in a nutshell

the thing even made it to YouTube, we were basically racing against the clock

I mean I really want to say this is plausible deniability but I don’t know how you can get any less subtle than this, this is not something you can mince words

like I really wish we could pass this off as “as long as you don’t know the blog you can take this innocently as political commentary or something” but I honestly don’t think this is something you can take innocently even without context

tbh the Political Correctness part is the most cringeworthy but Yamaki’s rant about fact checkers being evil and all that is probably a lot more worrying when you think about it

tbh I’ve never felt as conflicted about what’s the right thing to do as I do now

So in other words, it was not a reckless decision to just tack on a political label; it was done after a lot of consideration about the consequences to put the label on and what people would think of it with or without context, whether there might be a glimmer of light possibility to try and pass this off as more innocuous as it was, and eventually a determination that, in the end, there was indeed alt-right rhetoric in the program, and should be labeled accordingly.

The result was that, of course, everything broke out on social media, chaos burst out, a lot of hearts were unfortunately broken, and a lot of alt-righters started invading spaces accusing people of proving him right with cancel culture. Ironically, my personal observation is that, while there were exceptions, most people in the actual fanbase did honor the requests to not harass people about it, and this may actually be the most solidarity I’ve ever seen from the Digimon fanbase in my life, which is saying a lot considering how we usually tend to be a drama magnet most of the time. The ones who were actually directly messaging him were his newfound supporters locking down on offering him “support against people trying to cancel him” (I think they were more heartbroken and upset at him than anything...), and most of the harassment came from alt-righters not even in the fanbase, namesearching and sending harassing, accusatory messages to anyone involved for as much as expressing mild dismay. (You want to talk about harassment and being attacked for having an opinion? Pot, meet kettle.)

This leads us back to the question of the blog: if you’ll remember, I just said that the fansub in question did not bring it up at all. That’s because, at the beginning, there was no intention to bring it up if it wasn’t necessary; this was not intended as a smear campaign. The warning was attached to the DigiFes program because it was about the DigiFes program. But the resulting chaos had a lot of people bring up the blog because it better contextualized what was going on, and discussion led to people looking it up themselves and posting fragments of it on social media, sometimes even using machine translate.

Ultimately, that’s the reason this document was released: it was the same reason as the fansub being released at the time it was, which was “if it hadn’t been released, the alternative was watching things get disseminated more slowly and chaotically.” I will say outright that I was one of the people who got to lay eyes on that document before it was publicly released (and even helped out with some advice here and there); it’s no secret that it was being quietly passed around as an internal memo prior to the outbreak. The original version of the document had a request to not post it on public social media because of the chaos it would cause, and while I don’t know how many people got to see it before it was released, I’m under the impression that it was enough people that I was quite surprised everyone who saw it respected that request.

Why does the document contain a ton of analysis and debunking on top of just the translations? Well, when you’re translating those blog posts, you’re technically giving it a bigger platform (which was one of the reasons it was originally considered better to not post it publicly). Since the document exists primarily to inform people, especially about why certain things that may seem innocuous actually have wider context behind them, it’s going to need to contain an analysis like that.

The summary

There were a lot of decisions involved by a lot of different people through all parts of this ordeal. I think it’s fair to criticize whether they were the right decisions in retrospect or whether certain things should have been done slightly differently (including my small role in this), but nevertheless, it was one where the risks involved were thought through and taken into account in every step of the situation, with a desire to avoid chaos, or at least prevent it from getting too much worse. When you have contents like this, a controversy honestly is inevitable -- how on earth are you going to be able to put contents like Yamaki reciting off all the typical alt-right YouTuber talking points and ending in Political Correctness activating Cancel Culture and not expect that to make a stir at some point? -- and so, in the end, this wasn’t so much a conscious attempt at stirring the pot as much as it was the dam finally breaking, and a desire to keep it from spilling over too much. Nobody coordinated this! I think everyone just really hates drama.

Knowing all the steps and thoughts that went on behind all of this, I think being reactionary or accusatory for clout is the last thing anyone involved wanted to be. Considering just how many of these steps above could have easily been made into exposure, from the posts all the way back in May and June to the internal memo document that was made to keep friends quietly informed but could have been leaked to the public with only one bad actor, there was an active, common desire among people who didn’t even know each other to try and minimize the potential damage as much as possible. When you look at the situation now, of course it looks awful and hardly like something that came out of “trying to minimize damage”, but in reality there’s only so much you can do when the contents really are like that, and I personally believe everyone involved was doing what they thought was their best option as the situation kept changing.

I can’t speak for anyone else, especially since I don’t even know most of the people involved, and I didn’t have much of a role in all of this, but I think everyone involved, myself and my friends and everyone who’d been keeping tabs on this situation for months, has been going through a lot of heartbreak and conflict over what to do next, so please understand that there was a lot of thought put into all of it, and that it really was a difficult situation no matter how you look at it.

[destinygoldenstar]

Once again, Dhar Mann encourages that Grades = Life

To put it simply,

Student’s trying to hack his grades to succeed. He does NOT understand how school wifi works, apparently. That’s on him I guess...

His friend says this:

“I’m gonna earn my grades the right way”

THERE’S A RIGHT WAY?! GRADES DEFINE YOUR SUCCESS?! WHAT’S SO SPECIAL ABOUT GRADES, THEY DON’T MEAN ANYTHING!

I mean, they do, but that’s because society gives letters a meaning. It’s wrong. I already talked about this.

“Grades are the single most important thing in the entire world! If you don’t get an A, you’re a bad person! If you don’t care about grades, you’re a bad person! There is NO OTHER WAY you can live your life other than to take tests and get As. Unless you get As, you will NEVER have a good life, and will NEVER be a real person in the real world.”

“Sadly, this is the school system we live in. AND IT’S SICK. This may be real, but it shouldn’t be ENCORUAGED to keep happening! Say what you will about hard work and preparation, we live in a world where there are MULTIPLE options for people to get jobs, participate in events, and have good lives, outside of school. We should encourage kids to actually explore the world and figure out who they are and find their own success, because if we keep them locked away from the world in a building and stress them out with tests involving memorizing random junk, THAT’S what makes them less likely to succeed at life.”

But hey, we’re supposed to COMMIT to grades anyway and DEMONIZE this STUDENT, who doesn’t know better. Look at him chuckling like an evil man! Isn’t he just WRONG? Unsympathetic?!

Also some MORE lines where grades DEFINE THE HUMAN BEING:

“I don’t mean to brag, but I have a 3.827 GPA”

As if that DEFIES one’s intelligence

“You should always use your talents for good instead of evil”

Helping people get by in school is EVIL

DOWNRIGHT SAID NOW! NO I WASN’T EXAGGERATNG!

The principal looks at the grades, and says:

“I’ve never given you the recognition you deserve”

Again, GRADES = LIFE apparently

So our villain gets in a brain game, and he actually WINS it for his team. 

SEE? People CAN succeed without grades holding them back!

And of course this is deemed as EVIL of him.

Like, HOW DARE someone find another way to get by the system?

So big surprise, he gets caught.

The punishment this time?

Expulsion.

Okay, fair. He did use school property offensively.

Oh, but that’s not all!!

The principal ALSO THREATENS TO CALL THE POLICE

THEN

He loses his money. Goes broke.

THEN

Suspension

THEN

He’s forced to... upgrade all the computers so that no one else could hack into it?

Why didn’t these teachers get someone to do that in the first place? This could all be avoided!

But NOO, We gotta PUNSH THE kiddo!!

He gets NO SLEEP as a punishment!! That’s healthy!!

He also get BULLIED at the end and gets the LAST OF HIS MONEY STOLEN

BUT THAT’S OKAY BECAUSE HE DESERVES IT!!!

Exhaustion FOR WEEKS, Suspension, Go broke, get ROBBED, get BULLIED, BECOME A SLAVE.

GREAT INSPIRING LESSON DHAR MANN!!!

Look, guys, I know I’m just ranting at this point, but... I argued about this stuff already. And I’m tired myself from life.

Dhar Mann is THE LAST thing I need right now. But DEAR GOSH, he just keeps getting on my nerves! 

I said before, his videos give me ANXIETY, which I have a bad case of. That’s why I can’t do these posts all the time unless it’s to VENT. 

But venting means I’m the impostor, so therefore I’m using my writing skills FOR EVIL!

According to Dhar Mann I guess.

Real quick, please don’t take this as if I want Dhar Mann to stop making content, if he’s finding success, he’s finding success. But his content does not work for me, and I am baffled by the TERRIBLE anxiety inducing messages they bring, and how people SOMEHOW are INSPIRED by all of this! 

If this works for you, good for you...

I don’t get it.

[cosplayproblemsposts]

Polkadot Man x M! reader Pt 2

Warning-Vent and a little bit of fluffy.

Summary: you manged to find out the truth but it didn’t help the fact you were still clinging onto something that has been proven true. Abner couldn’t help but comfort you even if you keep on rejecting every advantage. The thinker couldn’t help but feel a sense of justice but also a hint of guilt.

You sat within the bus eating girl scout cookies that you bought against Rick’s thoughts pressured on the cookies. “I can’t believe you actual bought girl scout cookies” Rick pondered on your childish behavior. “Your just jealous for your not stuffing your face” Rick rolls his eyes but smiles and gives you a fist bump. 

Cleo grins for Rick stomach growls “And when was the last time you ate Rickie” you tease. Rick huffs and takes the offered cookies and says “Shut up” you hum. More boxes of girl scouts cookies are handed out to everyone expect Nanaue for he doesn’t eat such foods.

“I like strawberry” Abner mumbles to which cause you to trade over your strawberry for his chocolate ones. You gave him a sly wink to which cause him to hide his face with the help of the box. 

“Hey why are you afraid of rats?”  Cleo asks Robert while you moved and took a sit beside Abner. “Why are you so in love with them ratcatcher 2?, you know what I think?, I think you have serious case of daddy issues” you frowned at Robert. Robert isn’t exactly known as a expressive type and everyone can see it regardless how cold heart he is you know otherwise.  

 “I have no issues with how much I loved my father” Robert sighs “You remind me of my daughter that’s why I’m here”. You couldn’t help but smile while biting into a cookie. “Why are you afraid of rats?” Cleo once again asks the same question. “My old man. when I was a lad, if I didn’t finish a task right, he would dole out a punishment. And one day, he just locked me in a create for twenty-four hours. And it was full of starving rats”.

You sighed and whistled to gain Roberts attention and threw three cookies at him, he caught all three of them. “As imperfect my father was ,he loved me. I wish I could give that to you”. ‘Don’t worry yeah?, I’m gonna get you out of here alive” Cleo smiles “I’m going to get you alive out of here”.

“What about clock” you hummed “Your oddly quiet” Robert pips up “Oh yes whats your story”. Cleo smiles up at you while Abner turns his attention to how close you were. “I don’t want to bore anyone to death” Rick scoffs “Shut up and tell us, I’m all eyes and ears” you frown at him. 

“Uh...where do I start, I was born in may the 18th 1918″ you thought of how you lost your mother. “My mother died after bring me into the world. I was small but strong while my father walked out of my mothers life the moment he found out she was pregnant”. Cleo frowns “So my granddad took me in so all I knew was that I had to live through a time era where if you were caught crying even a little your shamed for it”. Abner places a shy but comforting hand on top of yours “I was different I knew that but different made me strong and I reached for knowledge”.

“I found it easier to keep to myself until Benjamin came along in shape of defending me” you chuckled a little. “He is my childhood friend who glued himself to me from the very beginning, you see we both grew up in the back houses” Cleo frowns out of confusing. “That is what we called them, it’s just houses that were mistaken for apartments” Cleo nods. “I remembered getting into fights with older boys and I was an idiot for believing that I’ll win but I never did” Chris now understand why you protect Abner. 

“But I ain’t no coward for I didn’t run away from a fight other then that the old crow wouldn’t let it go” Robert chuckles or something like that. “I would come home all scruffy every two weeks to the crows dismay” Rick nods. “Years past and I was top of my class even tho I caused trouble and had been caned for it” Abner winces at the thought of it. “I enrolled into university but halfway through my second semester I dropped out to join the air force in 1939 August the 18th” you had to take breath. “I had trained enough to find myself within the sky in the midst of 1942 defending my country” you found yourself growing a pit in your stomach and you felt like vomiting.

“I was battling above a filed like nothing had gone wrong in the first place, the very Nazi manged to slash me out of sky” Robert doesn’t know anything about the air force but can see it. “I found myself hurrying to my death until an enemy pilot collided with me but I didn’t meet death instead I found myself two days before the whole entire event”. “Other then that when the fall of Poland had happened I had to be the last to know” You squint at the box of chocolate cookies before you.

“Around the time Benjamin had been set off to Poland and hadn’t returned so when I had been shipped off to Poland, I searched for him” Robert clears his throat. “I think that’s enough” Robert could tell that you didn’t want to go any farther with your side of the story. Abner squeezes your hand and when you notice you move your hand from his to which caused him to shutter away.

“Hey penis-maker, we’re on a mission” Chris makes a face “Easy inspector gadget. A little drink never hurts nobody”. You frowned at the idea but you really need a pick me up so you gone with the flow. “Expect the thousands of people killed in drunk driving accidents every year” Abner commented. You stare at him and could tell he was still a little hurt from you moving away from him.    

“Here’s to last three hours of being alive” Robert didn’t agree “I’ll be alive. You speak for yourself”. You drank your drink like a shot and didn’t hesitate to ask for another. You find yourself laughing and watch as Abner gag on his drink to which cause you to pat his back. “Easy there dots, you want to be somewhat sober” Abner nods.   

Everyone found themselves dancing with the music blazing in the background. You watch them fail at one of the most simplest thing in the world and you couldn’t help but laugh. “C’mon Y/N join us” Abner spoke while holding out a hand. “No you guys got it handle, I’ll just get in the way” you weren’t an upbeat dancer your more of slow dance type of guy. “No your not, you need this too” You smiled but caved in “Fine”. You took a last swig of your drink before standing up to dance with him.

You held onto Abner’s waist from behind and dance with him, for the truth you weren’t that bad. Abner sways his hips in synced with yours and you couldn’t help but evolve your arms around him. Swaying with your face just a few inches off from his right shoulder. You held his hand and kept on swaying while the both of you smile and laugh. You tugged him back to which cause him to look down at you, you grin and “Damn you are one dish”. Abner frowns out of confusion but by your grin it must be a good thing.

Abner turns around and stares down at you and without warning he captures your lips with his. You stood thunderstruck but kiss back after a few seconds, it never accrued to you how soft his lips were. How gentle and shy he can be, how easy a red tent grows across his cheeks. He had to be the most sweetest thing you ever had met. Far too sweet, Abner had to be the number one candy in the world. 

The two of you pull away with a small smiles on each other faces. You hum and kept on swaying to the music until Cleo poke Abner side. “Sorry for breaking you two up but you gonna have to focus for his here” you look and saw The thinker himself. You nod before parting from Abner to keep an eye on the weirdo over at the bar with Robert pressing a gun to his side.

But now here your with this odd looking man making a way to the back door with him mouthy off. “If you think that big mouth of yours is gonna save you sadly think again” he hums at your words. “Your the 1940′s guy right” you grow surprised “Pardon” he just smiles. You push through to the back only to see half-naked women “Sorry Loves we just want to get by” they screamed of course. 

A solider turns to us but Cleo makes a rat shove it’s way into his mouth to which cause you to frown. “Ah geez now you don’t see that everyday” you watch the man squirm while the others moved on. “Now that is nasty” the man reach a hand out to you but you declined his odd muffles for help. “Sorry mate it’s more like a you problem” he still lays there until he just stop moving. You made a face “Oh my goodness that’s fucking gross” you watch the rat scurry off somewhere else. You flinch when the rat doubled back and ran pass your right shoe “Ugh, fuck no” you shiver “Y/N!” you hear Milton call out.

“That was a gross way to die” Cleo only sighs “I’m sorry if that creep you out”. “No I didn’t mean it in that way for it was unexpected” Cleo looks up at you and smiles. You can tell she is still jumping “Welp weirdo how does it feel to be here” the man only grins. “Benjamin called out to you but you never came” you glare at him and kicked him. “Y/N” Abner spoke softly “Don’t his just lying” you frown and said “Yeah, his just lying”.

“Look Abner about before I..” you were cut off “don’t worry about it  we all have our ups and downs”. “For I killed my mom” you frown and by his very life you can tell he had done it for the greater good. “I know Abner and I’m truly sorry” Abner smiles and lays his head on your right shoulder. “Num Num” Nanaue says so you groaned “No, he isn’t Num Num’s” Nanaue seems disappointed.

Abner cuddles into your right side “Hey Abner” he hums “What are you gonna do once your free”. For the truth Abner doesn’t know himself “I don’t know” you smile. “You can see the rest of England with me then” Abner smiles and says “I’ll like that. Cleo came and said “Hey can I join” you smile and move over for her to join. She took your left while Abner has your right, Weirdo looks at you three before he started pondering over his own life.

“Okay so operation Harley” Rick says to each of us while we all nod.

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I know I said two-parts but I’m gonna stop here for now.

[bbyboybrock--archived]

Happy New Year (Colby Brock Imagine)

Summary: *REQUEST* Can you do one where they are strangers and meet each other during a new years eve party and then end up kissing each other when the ball drops and make it super romantic (not in covid times) pretty please

Written: 2021

Word Count: 2,040

Warnings: Swearing, mention of being roofied, breakup

Masterlist

I sit in the uber, waiting for everyone to get out. Maybe they’ll be too excited about the party to realize that I went home. Maybe I should escape out the other door and disappear into the night. I didn’t even want to come out tonight in the first place. After the year I’ve had, going to an influencer party is the last place I want to attend. Unluckily for me, my best friends were tired of me staying in my apartment all day, every day, and refused to let me ring in the new year alone. Sadly, this meant that I had to go with them to a party because my apartment gave off “depression vibes” and that “wasn’t the move” for 2021. That’s the only thing that I agreed with them on, the vibe thing, not going to a party. 

After nearly a year of quarantine and processing a breakup, my place is a bit of a disaster. If it wasn’t for Janie ambushing me every day last week to help/force me to clean up, my apartment would still look like that cave where the grinch lives— minus Max. There were various alcohol bottles collecting dust on the counter. Not in a “she’s spiraling very rapidly” sort of way, but in a way that you could tell that I had a rough few weeks and the occasional wine night with the gals. There were boxes, mostly from March and April, that I still had yet to throw out after impose buying a bunch of stuff. My closet had turned into my bed because that was the only safe space that wasn’t cluttered with food packaging or tainted by memories that no longer bring me joy. I hadn’t properly seen my floor in months until we pulled back the layer of filth. I forgot that I had carpet. Still, after all that, I managed to make videos every week without fail.

“Y/N, c’mon, you’re not escaping this time. Let’s go so you can forget that asshole and that backstabbing bitch.” Persephone begs as she pulls me out of the car. Once out of the car, she adjusts her long, dark brown curls and smooths out her dress before reconnecting to her boyfriend’s hip. They both match with their gold and black outfits. All of my friends and their significant others match. Ophelia and her girlfriend are wearing silver and blue while Janie and her boyfriend are wearing maroon and gold. They all look like gods and goddesses and here I am wearing green and sliver on my own. Could I be anymore single?

“I’m not going to do it, I was just thinking about it. Don’t worry. I have to get footage for the vlog anyway. Gotta prove that I did something other than stay home this year. My fans are getting concerned.” I pull out my camera and get a few clips of everyone.

“Might as well get some pictures then so people will believe you.”1 Ophelia winks before grabbing me and leading us to what I’m assuming is the designated photo spot. There’s even a line. This is going to be one of those nights.

****

“Aw, fuck…” I mutter to myself as my drink gets knocked out of my hand. This house isn’t big enough for the number of people that were invited. 

“I am so sorry! Here, let me help you.” The guy who bumped into me extends his hand for me to grab. I’m sober enough to know not to take completely random strangers' hands at parties, especially in LA, but I’m also drunk enough to not care. He looks nice enough and I can spot Ophelia and her girlfriend Zoe keeping an eye on me from the corner of the room. I guess everyone is taking turns to make sure I don’t bail.

Against better judgment, I take this beautiful stranger’s hand and let him guide me out of the house to the backyard. It’s less crowded out here, maybe because there are more activities to do inside. Out here, I can actually breathe even though people are smoking and vaping out here. The music is quieter. The music is still loud, but like it would burst your eardrum like the music inside. I get a better look at the guy who brought me out here. He’s not bad looking, and I really hope that’s not the alcohol talking. He has the most relaxing blue eyes I’ve ever seen on a guy. His hair is dark brown with a bit of, I think, purple in the front. He looks as threatening as a pug, but looks can be deceiving.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t get any on you did I?” He asks as he scans my body, not in a creepy way. Which is a nice change of pace.

“My feet but they’re just shoes so I don’t care. I call these my going out shoes, they’re made for moments like this so you’re all good. I’m Y/N by the way.” I stick my hand out for him to shake. He looks at it puzzled for a second before it registers and he grabs my hand and gives it a firm shake. 

“Right— I spilled your drink on you and basically kidnapped you from the party and you don’t even know my name. It’s Colby, Colby Brock.” Colby shakes my hand a little too long before quickly pulling it away.

“I’m Y/N, you can get the last name later,” I bite my bottom lip, close my eyes, and mentally slap my head. “That was lame, wasn’t it?”

“It’s fine. It’s a thousand times better than anything I would have come up with. Just blame it on the alcohol.”

We both laugh before Colby singles that he’ll be right back. I watch as Colby disappears a small group of people. I take off my shoes and walk to the pool, dipping my feet in as I sit. The cool night air is soothing me. It’s a nice change from the stale scent of my apartment and the sweaty bodies inside the party. I look up to the night sky. The light pollution makes it impossible to see what stars and constellations are above us. Whatever I’m staring at right now feels peaceful, like they are aligned or not in retrograde. I have no idea what any of that means, but I do know that I’ve been around Ophelia too much.

Colby taps my shoulder when he gets back. He kicks off his shoes and socks before joining me in the pool, not even rolling up his pant legs. He’s going to regret that in a few hours. He hands me an unopened can of Truly. I take it from him and open it myself. At least I know he’s not a creep. He opens a can of White Claw and sips it before breaking the silence.

“I have to be honest, Y/N.” Colby looks forward, taking another sip.

“Oh no, what is it?” I ask nervously.

“The real reason I dropped your drink is because I saw some asshole slip something in your drink.” Colby finally looks at me and I can tell he’s serious.

“Wait…what? Someone tried to… Any you thought the best was to inform me was to spill my drink all over me?” I’m more taken aback by the idea of me almost getting roofied than anything. That would have been the perfect way to end this shit storm of a year.

“In hindsight, I planned to spill your drink. I didn’t mean to get any on you. I’m not a hundred percent sober right now so that was the downside of my plan. Don’t worry about the guy, my friend Corey went after him.”

“Wow— Uh, thank you. I mean it. I don’t think I could have dealt with… that on top of everything else I had to handle this year.” I take a sip of my drink and swing my legs in the water. 

“Do you want to talk about it? I’m not big on talking about serious stuff with strangers, so I’ll understand if you don’t want to. However, we’re both getting hammered, if we aren’t already, so the likely hood of us even remembering this conversation tomorrow let alone who we are slim. So if you need to vent, vent.”

I weigh the pros and cons of actually venting everything to this beautiful stranger. Maybe it’s the alcohol talking, but I decided to say fuck it. The year is almost over anyway, might as well get rid of this baggage and start the year fresh.

“Long story short: after months of quarantining together Axl, my boyfriend of 10 years, cheated on me. The entire time we were in quarantine. With my younger sister, who I let quarantine with us so she wouldn’t be alone and not have to fly back home to be with our parents. And to top it all off, I found out about it on my birthday when I walked in on them fucking each other on my bed.” I take a larger sip of my drink before leaning back and staring back at the virtually starless sky.

“Holy fucking shit,” Colby leans back to join me in looking at the sky.

“Yup! We met in preschool and started dating when we were 13. She’s four years younger than us to that’s annoying.” 

“Not to be that guy, but I don’t know what you expected when you started dating a guy named Axl.”

“… You’re right, that is a pretty douchey name. I literally ignored the biggest red flag in my entire life.”

Colby and I laugh again until it fades. I don’t think I’ve laughed this much, like actually laughed, in months. It feels good. Inside the house, the crowd starts counting down from 15. Colby must have heard it too because I watch him turn his head from the corner of my eye. I turn my head to face him. He really does have beautiful eyes. Like the ocean.

“This may be a dumb idea and I know we don’t know each other, but do you want to be my new years kiss?”

“I may regret this in the future, but what the hell.” We both sit up and adjust our clothes.

It might be risky to just kiss a random stranger at midnight, but who cares. We’re most likely not going to be in each other’s lives after tonight anyway. But by God, I could do much worse than kissing Colby. Unless I’m very drunk and the drunk goggles are seriously fucking with me. It’s not like I’m going home with him, my friends won’t let that happen. Maybe after this party, we’ll go our separate ways and never see each other again. Maybe we’ll run into each other in a random store in LA or at some creator convention.

The drunken yells of party-goers inch closer and closer to midnight.

“Three,” Colby whispers, moving his hair out of his face.

“Two,” I take one more small sip before finally setting my drink down. Colby does the same. My heart is beating a loud, steady rhythm in my chest like it’s about to burst.

“One,” We whisper at the same time before slowly leaning in.

As our lips touch, it felt like time had stopped. The beating intense beating in my heart only intensifies the longer our lips stay pressed together. One of Colby’s hands finds my face why the other reaches for my thigh, but I can only focus on how soft his lips are. My stomach starts forming knots as he tries to deepen the kiss. I don’t know if it’s everything I drank tonight coursing through my veins or the fact that I haven’t been kissed in months, but I slightly part my lips. The mixture of Colby’s scent and his body heat wash over me like they’re intoxicating my senses. The kiss ends just as suddenly as it started. We both pull away and just stare at each other in awe.

“L/N,” I breathe, fixing my hair.

“What?” Colby takes another sip of his drink.

“My last name is L/N.”  

[korissideblog]

ok! so! this fic was getting a bit long for my tastes, so i decided to split it into 2 parts!

even though they don't show up, i'll be mentioning two lovely characters in this fic, Haru from the amazing @compoundhero and Jetsam from the outstanding @jetsam-kisa <3

and without further ado! here's part 1/2 of-

The Hedonist

“Welcome back.” Aito walked into the library, a dimly lit room draped in darker reds, softly lit by simple reading lamps.

“Where is the rest of the team?” he asked, looking to the only filled seat in the entire room, a plush settee with a woman in an overly large white mink coat lying across it.

“I sent them away. We do our best thinking when no one else is bothering us- isn’t that what you said?” the woman offered, sitting up a bit to look at Aito more clearly. “You play dumb, but I know there’s more going on up there. Am I wrong?” she asked, only to be answered with silence as Aito sat down in an armchair nearby.

“Will you ever tell me your name, Checkmate? I’ve told you mine.” Yua Sakura said, truthfully. “I think it’s only fair.”

“I’m a man of my word, Sakura san.” Aito responded calmly, settling into the chair and accepting the tablet Sakura passed to him. “I’ll tell you my name on my deathbed- only so you know what to put on the gravestone.” he chuckled, opening the tablet to find the plans already open.

Sakura rolled her eyes but dropped it quickly. This wasn’t the first time she’s asked for the man’s real name, and it won’t be the last. “I’ve already secured the bank’s blueprints. Consider our entrance my responsibility. If we’re in the vault, how would you plan our escape?” she asked, clearly still testing the newest recruit of their team, despite the fact that he’s been a full fledged member for almost a year now.

Aito looked over the plans with a critical eye, swiping marks onto the blueprint till she was satisfied, and held it up to present her idea. “The vents. If you can remove the screws while the rest of the team fills the bags, we could escape rather quickly.” Aito gestured to the woman’s hands, referencing her quirk.

And what an interesting quirk Sakura had. She had a form of telepathy, but the largest thing she could lift was a pencil. What really gave the woman’s quirk it’s bite, though, was the smallest thing she could lift. Her quirk let her quickly detach and lift tiny molecules, all at once. Aito once watched her deteriorate a man's fingernails in only the span of a handshake- and it was the most terrifying thing Aito’s ever seen.

“Interesting… Why the vents?” she asked, looking over the tablet carefully.

“Because-” Aito said, pointing to a shaded line going through the walls of the bank. “This is a gas line. If we set off even the smallest explosion…” Aito imitated a large explosion, which made Sakura smile wickedly.

“Oh Checkmate,” she giggled, clapping her hands together in glee. “Oh I just knew you would have the perfect idea! And they say blondes are dumb!” Aito’s jaw dropped in annoyance, touching her bleached hair in defensiveness. “Now now, don’t make that face, pet.” she laughed, waving off Aito with a flick of her wrist. “You know I jest. I’d never question a mind like yours, why, people like us- we just have to stick together.”

“People like us?” Aito questioned, setting the tablet down onto a nearby end table.

“Yes, People like us- us with quirks… predisposed for villany.” Sakura hummed, slumping further into her seat comfortably. “I mean let’s be honest with ourselves, once we’d gotten our quirks, we both must have known where we would end up. And it’s hardly our fault honestly- I mean how else would we have made use of our abilities?”

“I believe my quirk to be neutral.” Aito shrugged, mirroring Sakura’s comfort by souching into her armchair- and quietly wishing he had put on something with a bit more fabric. His usual crop top and biker shorts were of little comfort to him in the colder parts of the hideaway. “I really could have been anything with a quirk like mine. Hell, I could have even been a hero.” Aito quickly decided that sitting around wouldn’t keep him warm, and swung himself out of his seat to look over the books that surrounded them, still staying close enough to speak to Sakura.

“You don’t really believe all that, do you?” Sakura asked, her eyes following Aito like a panther watching its prey. Predatory, yet patient. She watched as Aito carefully touched the spine of nearly every book on a shelf, not answering, but still listening. “Why, maybe I could have had a chance but… your quirk in particular? Checkmate, what else could you have done except for villainy? I mean, I’d even go so far as to call your gift inherently evil.” and that… that seemed to still him.

Aito no longer pretended not to hear, her hand shaking minutely before she rested it onto the shelf and looked over his shoulder to Sakura. He took a book from the shelf and opened it randomly, wandering behind the settee as she looked over the text. It was some sort of book of mythology, and Aito’s fingers brushed over a small drawing of a little girl with a fox tail. She noticed Sakura reaching for her, but flinched away before her hand met his waist. One of the pros to wearing such little clothing was that most people didn’t want to reach for Aito, in fear of touching his skin. The awkwardness of human contact being the only thing that protected Aito from this villain’s grasp.

And Aito was sure that if she ever were to touch him, he would scream. And kick. And bite.

“Sakura san? Why did you become a villain?”

Sakura chuckled, pleased to have finally caught her partner’s attention. “I’ve already said it. I had little other choice, given my abilities.” she shrugged, looking up at Aito with a smile, and carefully laying a hand onto the book, their fingers brushing together softly. “And you, pet?” she asked softly

Aito’s eyes looked away from Sakura and to a nearby window, a small sliver of the starry night slipping between the thick velvet curtains, her eyelashes fluttering minutely as she thought.

“It was my love of strawberry ice cream.”

Sakura laughed, but Aito’s serious face gave her pause, calming herself before letting her partner continue. “Apologies, Checkmate, please continue.” Aito nodded, and flipped lazily through the book’s pages as she spoke.

“When I was a child, my mother would sometimes bring me to work with her. If I behaved myself, she would then take me for ice cream.” Aito started again, seemingly more involved in the book she wasn’t reading than the conversation he didn’t want to be having. “One time they were out of chocolate, so we got strawberry instead. I soon fell in love with the flavor, and got it every time we went.” Aito fought the smile that tried to crack her serious expression, but a ghost of it remained. “High school was hard on me. I was home schooled, and my high school had on campus boarding. Up to that point the longest I’ve spent away from my mother were the few hours when she would sleep, and now I had to spend an entire school year with only visits on the weekend.” Aito then snapped the book close, almost catching Sakura’s fingers between the pages. Aito barely blinked in apology. “I was homesick, and smuggled a bucket of strawberry ice cream into my dorm room. I ate the entire thing, and became sick soon after.” She then tossed the book into Sakura’s lap, not wishing to even touch it now that it had lost his interest. “I had to miss class for a day, and missed very important notes. After that I failed an important test, and my teacher started to worry for me. He asked another-more advanced-student to help me with my work, and we became close friends soon after.”

“What was their name?” Sakura asked, taking the book in her hands.

Aito was silent for a moment. “I called him big cat.” she finally responded, vaguely. Taking her turn to watch as Sakura opened the book. “After him, my other classmates seemed much more approachable.”

“This story isn’t about big cat, is it now?” Sakura hummed, looking from the book’s yellowed pages up to Aito, who was focused on the book with a deadly stare.

“No. it isn’t.”

“Who then, pet?”

Aito paused again, as if trying to find a way to describe her memories from her youth.

“He was a very nervous boy.” Aito started, her eyes fluttering shut as he tried to remember his friend as vividly as possible. “He’d be surrounded by clouds of this vicious black smog- his quirk, he would always produce the foulest smoke wherever he went.”

“You were irritated by him?” Sakura offered.

“No, never.” Aito responded quickly. “I had a habit of taking in the nervous ones. He wasn’t the first, and he wouldn’t be the last.”

“Oh, then I apologize for interrupting.” Sakura chuckled, patting Aito’s arm, which Aito gently pulled out of her grasp. “What drew you to him in the first place?”

Aito sighed, cursing his terrible memory as he tried to recall. “When not in uniform… he’d wear the prettiest clothes.” Aito explained. “One sweater in particular… it was pink I believe… It was softer than a cloud. I think I stole it from him- I probably wore it more than he did.” Aito said, letting the smallest smile show on her face as he touched his arm, as if he were wearing the sweater right this second.

“You tend to do that.” Sakura laughed, poking humorously into Aito’s side. “Remember when you wore one of my dresses to that charity gala?”

“I wore it better than you would have.” Aito quipped, immediately invoking another laugh from Sakura.

“Oh, you’re much too quick witted” Sakura giggled, wiping her dry eyes as though she had been laughing much harder. Aito nodded slowly, but kept his face flat.

“He… he’s the reason I don’t believe you when you say that our quirks can decide things for us.” Aito explained. “He was nothing like his quirk would suggest. Despite all the smoke, he was a pleasant boy.”

“Ohh… but, I asked you why you became a villain, pet. This boy, why do you mention him?” she finally asked, noticing Aito resting his hands on the back of the settee and carefully placing her’s onto his. Aito’s pained silence left Sakura a bit off guard, but she slowly came to a conclusion that… she could only hope her guess was wrong. “Is he… gone from us?” she asked, letting Aito assume her meaning.

“No.” Aito huffed, his grip on the settee’s back tightening slightly as she turned away from Sakura.

“What then? What could have happened that’s made you this upset?” she asked, her red eyes never faltering from her teammate’s face.

“He…” Aito finally turned away, as if even saying it out loud was too much. “He turned his back on me.”

“Oh… pet…” Sakura whispered, carefully patting his hand in an attempt to comfort him. “Loss can be hard… especially when the loss isn’t permanent… when it’s a choice someone makes.” Sakura hadn’t a clue how to ease this pain, completely unused to her teammate showing this amount of vulnerability around her. “If it’s any comfort at all… I’m thankful for you, the entire team is- you must know this by now.” Sakura suffered through another silence, wishing that Checkmate would just tell her how to help him. “What was… pet… what did you call him?” Aito looked back for just a second, his eyes trained on the floor as he tried to gain the courage to finally speak.

“Jetsam Kisa.”