#this is not talking about people who are sex repulsed they are real and valid

[wolfertinger666]

said this on bsky but Id love to be friends with so called "gooners" and freaks over people who are weirdly anti-sex/puritanical

[nekropsii]

Wild how when I call Shipping Culture oppressively pervasive and awful for any Aro/Ace with the gall to enjoy anything on the Internet, I get called a Fun-Hating Killjoy and told to just shut the fuck up or off myself, no matter how mild or polite my comment is. Wild how when I say a character either is textually Aro/Ace or is easier to read as Aro/Ace than Alloromantic/sexual, people start talking down to me like I'm a child who doesn't know anything, saying "Friendly reminder that Aro(s)/Aces can Date/Have Sex too, just like us Normal People!". As if I don't know anything about my own identity. Wild how when I do either of these things or even just say I'm not into a pairing or uninvested in shipping in general people call me fucking homophobic, even if the (at least popularly perceived - let's be honest, people are wrong half the time) genders of the characters is never once made relevant. Even though their reasoning for me being homophobic is lack of investment in a gay pairing they like, and nothing more. Wild how people throw little baby tantrums at even the gentlest criticism of Shipping Culture, or someone choosing not to engage heavily in it. Wild how they have the audacity to ask, with hostility, what the fuck Aro(s)/Aces are talking about when they say Shipping Culture is hostile to Aro/Ace fans, or ask what's wrong with them when they say that they aren't into Shipping.

It's almost like Bigots don't realize they're being Bigots when they do Bigotry, so just saying you're not a Bigot isn't enough. It's almost like Aro/Ace people know what the hell they're talking about. It's almost like we have a fucking point. It's almost like we're valid in expressing contempt and frustration with the constant expectation to engage with Romance and Sexuality at every waking moment, even if we're Romance and/or Sex Favorable. It's almost like we're tired of getting our identities erased, and we're tired of expecting to "act normal", and we're tired of just taking it when Allos use the Favorable members of our communities as a scapegoat for why they should be allowed to totally erase any of our representation just for their "Harmless Queer Fun" - deliberately, and I mean DELIBERATELY, failing to recognize or acknowledge the character's orientation, and how an A-Spec's personal relationship with and expressions of Love are going to look drastically different from an Allo person's - and call us the Bigots when we even glance in the direction of objection.

It's almost like Allo/Amatonormativity are oppressive forces.

Alloromantics/sexuals are constantly looking for any reason they can to call Aro(s)/Aces unloving, unfeeling, frigid, soulless, cruel. Inhuman. They're looking for any reason they can to call us whiny children, stupid, people who "just haven't found the right one", addressing us only as "Works in Progress", or someone who can have their sexuality corrected with the right stimulus - Conversion Therapy and Corrective Rape are okay when it happens to us, after all. Any reason at all to call us heartless monsters. AlloAces are confused children. They can be fixed. AroAllos are manipulative, unfeeling sexual predators. They can't be fixed - just kill them. AroAces are frigid, mean bitches. They can be fixed. God forbid you're Aplatonic. God forbid you're part of the Repulsed spectrum. God forbid you're one of the Loveless. God forbid you hold any pride in your identity, God forbid you don't keep your mouth shut, God forbid you critique the overinflated importance Allos place onto Love as a concept. God forbid you critique something as asinine and juvenile as fucking Shipping Culture. Do any one of these and you've put a bright red, blazing neon target on your back.

Wild how the only real humans amongst us are the Romance, Sex, and Friendship Favorable who put their head down and mask as Allo, and side with the Allos when their fellow A-Specs get too loud for the comfort of their Allo friend's delicate little fee-fees. After all, Vitriol and Harassment are warranted when an Allo's feelings get slightly hurt that an Aro person says, on their own account, to no one in particular, that they're sick of every tag being 80% Shipping Content. Which is a vehemently evil personal attack, clearly.

Wild.

[inquebrar]

sighing deeply and here we go again... i didn't think i would talk about this but this time it happened in one of my posts so i'll try to explain something from the point of view of someone who is aspec myself.

from the moment q!Cellbit got into a relationship with q!Roier before the wedding, there was a lot of talk about the honeymoon and q!Cellbit always made it clear by replying "i don't feel interested in that" "i don't like" "i don't do these things" and then this gave us a beautiful scene (which could easily not have happened if it wasn't important to the character) where q!Roier listens to q!Cellbit explaining that he would like them to sleep together but that he will not have sex and asked if there was any problem with that, then we had a moment of understanding and acceptance that only strengthened their marriage.

after that moment there were several other situations where it's clear that q!Cellbit's asexuality is not something superficial and used only as a meaningless label, but since then many people have started to make disrespectful comments, with misinformation and even contradictory to what was being said. no one ever said that q!Cellbit is the definition of asexuality as a whole, but to say that he is a character that brings us asexual representativity is no harm at all, being queer embraces many things and within the lgbtqia+ community there are various spectrums of sexuality and gender identity. there are people who are asexuals who also identify as aromantic but there are people who are only aromantic, they're two different things that can sometimes be together or not, in the same way that there are asexuals who experiences sexual attraction under specific conditions, some are strict asexuals, some experiences sexual attraction more or less, others are sex-repulsed others can have sex even without feeling sexually attracted and there are still many other variations and spectrums, and they are all valid and real.

to have a character who is canonically married and talks about not being interested in sex, is far from being something stereotypical. i have literally never had any representativity like that, especially because it's a big issue "not having sex is a sign of a failed marriage/relationship" now imagine that in a gay relationship. a character doesn't need to constantly remind people "hello! i'm asexual" and carry the flag for people to take it seriously, also many scenes that involve a better understanding of q!Cellbit being on the asexual spectrum he's speaking in portuguese so to people who don't speak this language lose a lot of context and subtle moments because that's how it really happens. and in general, if you want to have a headcanon that he's not asexual or you just don't think he is, i just ask, please be more respectful, it's great to receive asexual representativity in different ways, through different characters on different spectrums! let people feel joy and show appreciation, celebrate and just be happy.

your sexuality is valid and having a character that makes you feel happy and gives you a representativity that you've never had before and to have moments where you can relate is incredible! so please, if you are going to make negative comments or complaints that may make people uncomfortable, please use "neg" or "discourse" tags and don't do that on reblogs that have nothing related to negativity or stuff like that, always keep in mind to be respectful, please, it's not too much to ask 🙂

[darkyukifr]

I’m trying to reflect on many things these last months, about my place in this world as an aroace person but also about my place in fandoms. And I found this amazing comic on this subject by bloggingboutburgers.

This is something I’m struggling with A LOT and I’m still trying to explore this side of myself.

For many years now I’m deeply engaging with shipping cultures in fandoms (mostly as a lurker and recently by contributing publicly), because I couldn’t help but think that a character becomes really interesting only when they are involved in a romantic and/or sexual relationship, and they become worthy of a story (I’m taking these last words from this post because they struck me). Even when the character wasn’t involved in one, I found myself waiting for any kind of romantic/sexual plot to appear.

And this is such a HORRIBLE though to have as an aroace person who is romance and sex repulsed IRL. It’s like telling myself I’m not worthy as a person, even if I have many other beautiful kinds of relationships in my life for 27 years now. It’s a strange feeling where I’m ignoring my own existence and I’m just a random soul in this world, like a side character who loves and is loved by their family and friends, and by other humans in general, but who isn’t the main character of their own life.

But I also know it’s one of the consequences of this capitalist society that encourages nuclear families, and any other kinds of communities or relationships are depicted as less valuable, and it sadly sticks way too hard in my mind.

I realised these last months that I became physically disgusted by porn fics or drawings of my favorite ships because of the huge amount of it, and above all because I couldn’t engage with many of the people from these fandoms anymore. I even had to unfollow some of them because all this smut started to feel unbearable. It’s like I wasn’t able to keep going with my masquerade, but I wasn’t even aware I was doing this masquerade until I reached this point xD As if I was in a kind of denial all this time? Like I was thinking “yeaaah I can do it easily” when I can’t and I was just seeking community and some kind of validation? I usually enjoy this kind of art, but engaging actively with people highlighted the fact that these fantasies were not intangible fantasies anymore.

I’m still trying to analyse my feelings: is shipping interesting to me when I’m alone, and discussing about it with other people who are romantically and sexually active makes me realise that “oh, fandoms are not different than real life places on this subject. I can’t engage in these horny discussions endlessly without feeling sick at some point. And they are not interested in talking about something else than sex or romance, or the discussion just dies”? Do I like talking about it but I just need to understand what my boundaries are? Or am I just afraid to focus on the other possible paths outside of sex and romance because relating to them would be scary?

Fortunately I don’t have this problem with my friends and I met wonderful people in fandoms with whom it’s possible to talk about other things, or with whom I can talk about romance/sex without feeling pressured to empathise (they understand these are more likely jokes or sociological discussions to me and they respect it xD). But these “side character” thoughts stay and do make me feel lonely as I grow older.

I forced myself to work on one of my adult aroace OC for more than a year and it really heals me. It is indeed possible to make a person worthy of a story without being involved in any romantic or sexual relationships, even if they still have to confront the society norms in their everyday life. But it’s also surprisingly not that difficult? At least not more than thinking about any other character’s life.

All this time I advocated for queer relationships and I do think it’s VERY important to do it. And I will keep drawing all kinds of relationships. But I also think I should advocate for my aroace self a little bit more.

To sum up my reflexion, I should try to give myself some more love by thinking about other things than shipping, and to give myself more space to explore and give importance to other topics even if they feel more personal. What is important is to love, no matter the form it takes, and all these forms are valid.

(I’m still trying to figure out how to navigate in fandoms, maybe I will find solutions someday, maybe I won’t xD since I can’t control the disgust phases when they come to me gzeibgiebzgzui)

[anths-girl]

I'm not one to try and write long-winded posts or like, get very passionately into a certain topic, or whatever. Mostly for the fact that, for one, my anxiety just makes me believe that nobody gives a shit about what little ol' me has to say about anything. And secondly, the few times in the past I DID kind of…speak up about things, I got such horrible responses that it just put me off ever actually saying anything at all, anymore.

But, BUT…sometimes I just CANNOT shut up. And this is one of those times.

I've lately started noticing this thing where, apparently, if you're asexual - and I AM very much asexual - you're not "included" in the "community," if you're a "straight" asexual. Like, go to my blog, see me posting pictures of like, Kirk Hammett with heart eyes emojis…BOOM, nope, you're not a "real" asexual. You're not valid. You're not included. Because I find men aesthetically pleasing, I'm…a fake? A fraud? Or, not actually asexual at all? Doesn't matter that, when I was 13, a guy I actually thought I liked, wanted to kiss me, and I fucking RAN AWAY. Or when another guy I also thought I liked, touched me, or hugged me or did anything physical, I would get nauseous and so uncomfortable that I pushed him off and made some vague excuses to just get the fuck AWAY. Or that, at the age of fucking 40, I am a virgin, I've never been kissed, AND I ABSOLUTELY DON'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING SEXUAL WITH ANYONE, EVER?

BUT, again, because I find MEN attractive (to LOOK at), and because I'm sex positive, I've watched porn (and YES, enjoyed it), like sexy movies, LOVE to read (and occasionally write) smut…I am not actually asexual? So…what? I'm just this broken, wrong…thing? That doesn't belong anywhere, because I'm not "attracted" to someone of my own gender? Even though asexual literally means I am not physically attracted to ANYONE? Because I am, according to "normal society," for all intents and purposes, labelled as "straight," I am not worthy of the "community."

The same "community" who is ALWAYS preaching inclusivity, and understanding and compassion? Well, shit, lately it's everything BUT compassionate. I've become wary, or even scared, of saying I'm asexual, because I'm afraid of ridicule. Again, I have pretty damn bad anxiety, and I get afraid when I just post a simple comment on things online, because I just don't have the mental energy to get into arguments or disputes. Though…it SHOULDN'T BE THAT WAY?! WHY does everything always have to end up being about people shunning others, who are different? Everyone talks about NOT hating or excluding people who are different…but then they turn right around and do EXACTLY that. The LGBTQA+ "community" is supposed to be a SAFE PLACE for ALL of us…and yet, now, apparently, the "us" is not…included? I can't be part of that "us," because, what, there's some specific set of requirements I'm meant to fullfil? I'm not asexual enough, because I'm not completely repulsed by sex as a whole, or because I'm a woman, who finds men attractive?

So now, what…it's right back to that mentality of hiding your true identity, because there's nowhere you fit in? Being ostracized because you're not ENOUGH to be part of something that SHOULD be welcoming to you?

Seriously, the world is regressing. Instead of being embraced and accepted for who you are…we get scrutiny, and told we're not good enough to be part of something that is supposed to include us.

So yes, what I'm trying to ACTUALLY say…it's sad and scary and LONELY, to be asexual. It's isolating. Because where we SHOULD be finding support and understanding, we just get hate and scorn. And one would truly think, that in this day and age, that wouldn't happen anymore. But like with everything, people just always have to ruin things for each other.

Because hatred towards people who are different? Will NEVER change. Humanity is still just too fucked up, for that.

[olderthannetfic]

olderthannetfic/729300911208448001/the-reason-theres-more-positivity-for

This is trolling. No one assumes trans men are masculine. We get called boys even in our 30s, drawn as skinny white AFABs in layers of soft clothing, and reassured that it's okay if we want to kiss other boys. Actually, being assured that you're a cutie patootie fem uwu is really dysphoria inducing for a lot of trans men. I was on tumblr when I had just come out when I was 15 and it was incredibly discouraging to see the posts fawning over adorable wittle twans bois. I'm 25, I don't want to hold hands with a boy, I want to fuck a man. I don't want to change my hobbies and I don't care if people think it's toxic masculinity that makes me like "manly" things (way to assign the binary to activities, real progressive of you) and I don't get anything from "let boys be soft" with clapping emojis and sparkles inbetween every word with glittering font. "No actually it's good to not support part of a marginalized group!" no. Your trolling is shit and so are you.

And the idea that ace people are assumed to be against sex actually made me laugh out loud. I'm working on my doctorate and actually, on college campuses? I've heard from professors - not students, professors, adults old enough to have college-age kids - that ace people have sex at the same rate as straights but they need more foreplay, ace people just need more time to get to know you but after that they're sexually indistinguishable from heterosexuals, that asexuality isn't real, that asexuality is an internet label people use instead of admitting that they can't get laid, and my least favorite, that any man who says he's asexual is actually an incel/that asexuality is another term for incels and femcels. Then you hop online and the internet goes, "Ace people love sex! Ace people love kink! Ace people have just as much sexual attraction as other people! You'r'e valid if you're ace and fuck/do kink/are attracted to everyone!" and if there's positivity for people who are ace who aren't into sex, I've yet to see it. Hell, being not into sex gets you labeled "repulsed", like you're retreating from it the way the Wicked Witch of the West would from water and not just not into it. That happened even in OTNF's own comment section, and these are not uneducated people when it comes to queerness, we've just normalized that sex is a part of everyone's identity so much that even if you're asexual, it's weird and must be a repulsion thing if you're not into it. "Uh actually everyone assumes [__] so there's no need for positivity for [__]" fucking where?! Where are all these people who assume being asexual = not wanting sex?

For the record, I got my undergrad at two different universities due to a change of major, got my master's at another, and am getting my doctorate at a fourth, all in four different US states. One was in the Northeast, one was in the South, one was in the Midwest and now I'm on the West Coast. And I have never encountered people who assume trans men are manly or that asexual people don't have sex.

I have encountered sex negative asexuals, people who get so upset they leave the room if you make a joke involving them and sex, who interrupt the professor mid-lecture to say, "Ace people have sex!", though. That's how deeply this is ingrained in some people's minds, they will say it even when it does not apply to them, even when it's the opposite of themselves, so they can make sure they are Educating The Cishetallos and, more importantly, then share the moment they had to do so with their progressive friends for brownie points/in order to be seen as One Of The Good Queers who educates others.

As for the weird thing in the troll ask pretending anyone who talks about their lived experience believes in a conspiracy... do yourself a favor and get help bringing up your literacy before you take the SAT/ACT, kid. Not only is your trolling shit but you don't understand what the word conspiracy means. Someone saying, "[insert thing here] happened to me" is not a conspiracy and this is why your English teachers gave you C's - to get you out of their classroom and make your lack of comprehension someone else's problem.

In the event this wasn't a troll but was actually what you read, please get two tutors and possibly a screening for any latent anxiety or mental illnesses that would explain how you read people venting about shitty life experiences and thought they believed there was a conspiracy of some kind going on. Because that's the kind of making shit up out of thin air my dad, who has diagnosed Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Paranoid Personality Disorder, would do, and it's not a great sign if you read people going, "the people around me are shitty about this" and jumped to "the people who sent those asks are saying there's a conspiracy theory against them and I am the one sole person who can see the truth here!"

I really don't know how to explain this to people but if someone says something is shitty on their campus, they're saying something is shitty on their campus. It's not a personal attack or conspiracy. Sometimes shit fucking sucks and it's exactly that deep.

--

You wouldn't think "Someone had a stupid-ass opinion on my college campus" would be that hard to believe.

[martiwikiwi]

UPDATE!

Hi everyone! I've been a bit silent lately because of stuff.

Some of you may remember I'm currently in an art residency program working on a comic about mental health, aaaaand the residency is providing to be... not what I expected. We have lots of problems with the organizers, the place is not fit for developing properly an art project, I was told I'd be able to get my insulin and other meds here and that was not true and put me in a very difficult situation and I should have received the second payment of the grant on the 15th and I'm still waiting for it... Many stuff going on. Worry not, I'll survive.

I also had two cons during the last two weekends that went surprisingly well. I was very afraid in the first con because the other panelists had only fanart stuff, lots of prints and merchandising, while I had my comics with my OCs, but I somehow managed and sold more comics than I had expected to the point I had to ask my sibling to send me some extra copies of Ellis and Gay Skaters for the following con. In last week's con I sold out Ellis and that's something that had never happened to me before. If I go to a con with 10 zines I come back home with 4 at the best, and this time I really don't know what I did. I guess I saw there was only fanart in the first con and said "anyway, I'm here to talk about my asexual werewolf and my gay skaters" and chilled out and that somehow worked for me? Anyway, I'm super happy and I ordered those new glasses I needed urgently.

Which reminds me I want to thank again everyone who helped me to save the money for printing those comics back in Summer, from those who reblogged the posts to those who commissioned or donated me any money. For real, this wouldn't have happened without the help of all of you and I can't start writing about how happy I am, not only because there is now people who has a printed copy of a comic about queerplatonic romance and asexuality, but also because I felt so valid as a queer person and as an artist every time someone commented about my watercolours or about the need of well-written representation at the con.

Also, I'll be putting THE LAST TWO PRINTED COPIES OF FOUND FAMILY on my Ko-fi shop soon. I don't think I'll be printing in English ever again because I really only go to local cons. I'll post about it around December because here I also have post-office stuff.

What else. This very ace week I'll be having vacations of everything to enjoy working on my short comic about sex-repulsion. Hope you enjoy that comic as much as I'm enjoying working on it because it's mental health to me, and because it's going to be the cutest thing ever. I also want to apply to an ace anthology I saw on Bsky, but want to send like the coolest thing ever and need some days for sitting and thinking. I'll return home tomorrow and will be back to this lost place in the mountains by next Monday, and then return to the Queer Bros project (Still thinking of a proper title). I'll be posting sketches made with inks because I feel like working with my Lamy pen for a while.

Also, here you have some inks of my asexual men:

[getvalentined]

Yesterday I lamented a bit about people literally believing that sex is worse than violence, and I want to talk about that in more detail today.

Trigger warning for discussions of sexual assault, and somewhat detailed descriptions of body horror and violence.

One of my worst-kept secrets is that I'm into body horror. I try to keep it on the subtler side in my work, but it's probably still a bit extreme. I rarely get complaints about this—but I have been harassed for saying Yuffie could have a crush on anyone else in Avalanche. Not that she could or should have a relationship, or even implying that she does have a crush. Only that she could be attracted to another member of the party, because they are all extremely attractive, and teenage girls have crushes all the time.

I've drawn Vincent with his trachea exposed and written about Genesis' internal organs rotting away in fairly visceral detail, but the thing that makes me "sick" and unworthy of the air I breathe is that I think a teenage girl could find someone older than her attractive. This is the thing that has led people to tell me to kill myself.

Another terribly kept secret is that I was, at one point, a teenage girl myself. This didn't stop me from finding multiple adult celebrities attractive. For people who experience sexual attraction, this is normal. Me being fifteen years old didn't make Angelina Jolie any less attractive when playing Lara Croft.

This opinion is the one that's led folks to say they hope I get raped to death in prison. Not describing a character's skin being removed while the one removing it cackles in glee—that doesn't imply I'm a monster, because it's just violence. It's fiction. But I said teenagers can experience attraction, because I was one who did, and I'm inherently and undeniably evil.

This is what I mean when I say that people think sex is worse than violence. I'm not exaggerating, I'm referring to my actual experience—not just in fandom, but I'm not going to talk about my life in the cult because this is already too long. The point here is that I can portray the most gruesome torture, and everyone knows it's not real, but the instant human intimacy hits the scene it becomes some horrible, unforgivable concept that proves that I'm a monster who deserves to die.

I don't portray much sexual violence in my work, or engage with a lot of work that does, but—and this took me a long time to unpack—it's just another brand of violence in fiction. It can be gratuitous, sure, but so is my body horror. If I don't like it, I don't engage with it.

Before anyone brings up the topic of trauma processing and recovery, I need to add that I have personally experienced physical violence, medical violence, and sexual violence in my real life. I shouldn't have to explain that to keep people from attacking me for my work, and the fact that I've been through those things doesn't mean that my portrayal of these things is "valid" while portrayal by anyone who doesn't have the "correct" related trauma is "glorification." That's not how this works.

Some people experience sexual gratification from pain, or from engaging with portrayals thereof. For them, my work involving torture may inspire feelings of lust, my illustrations of body horror may be sexually arousing. Does this mean that I am sexualizing torture and abuse? Does this mean that I am encouraging skinning people alive? Of course not! No one has ever even implied such a thing!

Other people's reactions to my work, whether it's lust or disgust or anything in between, is not my responsibility. Likewise, my reaction to the work of others is not their responsibility. Sex is just sex, and fictional sex is just fiction—no matter how violent or inappropriate it may be.

You have every right to feel how you feel with regard to a creator's work. You can love it, hate it, it can be enticing or repulsive, you can find it exhilarating or triggering—all those responses are valid because you're a real person who feels things!

We attribute emotions to art, as well we should, but we should never attack the artist (operating in good faith) for creating something that caused an uncomfortable reaction in us. Those feelings are not a creator's responsibility to regulate for us.

Further, if you're a survivor of sexual assault who genuinely believes that murder is the kinder option, I am so sorry that your pain runs that deep. Truly. No matter what you've been through, the world is better for you being alive than it would be if your abuser had killed you. I'm sorry that it hurts so much that you can't see that yet. For a long time, I couldn't either. I understand the reaction, I understand seeing your own pain in every portrayal of sexual violence, I understand thinking it would be better to just be gone forever.

But that's not true, and if seeing it in fiction makes you wish violence and pain on-par with your own on other real people, you need to unpack it. You need to deconstruct that mindset. Hurt people hurt people, and you are hurting people.

But the world would be a darker, harder, sadder place without you in it. I'm glad you survived. I'm glad we both survived.

[askanaroace]

Ask An Aro Ace ASAW Day 2: Being a Non-Favorable Aromantic

Today is another day where I kinda talk about something that's treated as different within and without the community. Today I want to talk about being romance-indifferent or romance-averse or romance-repulsed.

A quick primer for those who might need:

Romance-favorable: generally likes and is open to romance.

Romance-indifferent: generally unbothered by and doesn't think about romance. Doesn't really want it but isn't strongly turned away from it.

Romance-averse: generally uninterested in romance but not especially upset or uncomfortable with it.

Romance-repulsed: generally experiencing discomfort and upset surrounding romance.

This may be in the realm of romantic content to personal outlook on romance and the desire or lack thereof to be in a romantic relationship. And not everyone has to use these or may even feel the scale is useful to them, for example because someone might be favorable to romantic media but repulsed by the idea of personally participating in romance or their feelings may fluctuate over time and be different at different times.

I would say I fall along the lines of being romance-indifferent. In the past, I have been touch-repulsed and sex-repulsed (and now probably lay somewhere along indifferent to averse), so I have general experience with how intense and upsetting repulsion can be and how it can impact your life, though I can't speak specifically to romance-repulsion.

What I want to talk about is the extremely different perspective that comes out about romance depending on if you're looking at things from within or without the community.

When your general allo hears about aromanticism, they are most likely to assume someone completely uninterested in romance and potentially even repulsed by it. You may get gross comments about being picky or immature or afraid of commitment and have it said or implied that the "right person" will "fix" you (as if romance-favorable aros aren't still aro!). Dehumanization is especially common with aros with claims of "love is what makes us human".

But within the community, this treatment by allos has led to a sense of shame surrounding aversion and repulsion, as well as aplatonicism, heartlessness, and lovelessness. There is a tendency to try and defend aros from such judgements by using amatonormative claims like "aros can still want to date!" and "aros can love in other ways!" which leaves out aros for whom these statements aren't true and sets up the prospect that the only acceptable way to be aromantic is to be romance-favorable and partnering (whether that be a romantic or queerplatonic or platonic partnership).

I know very well that romance-favorable aros face their own struggles and often feel invalid and fake due to their favorability. That's a real and valid feeling and struggle. But truth is that I see a lot of validation, positivity, and encouragement for favorability.

And if you run in the right circles, you'll see that same energy given towards indifference, aversion, and repulsion. But overall, it can be very difficult to talk about being repulsed in particular. People treat you like your discomfort is difficult to accommodate, like your feelings are a burden to them. And it's an especially terrible burden for a repulsed person to have to carry because we're the ones dealing with literal repulsion over these subjects. Accommodating us takes a little conscious, thought yes, but when I was repulsed, that could manifest as:

Being unable to stomach watching certain shows/movies

Getting very easily embarrassed and flustered and uncomfortable with such material

An actual, physical sensation of freezing up and my body shutting down

Dissociation

Involuntary flinching

Anxiety and fear over having to face certain situations

People can also experience things like nausea, dysphoria, depression, etc.

I get that accommodating us does take some mindfulness and effort, but I promise that it is easier on you than it is on the repulsed person to go through the above.

And acceptance for this definitely has improved over time. But making room for non-favorable folk means more than us being an after-thought. It means including these experiences in your definition of aromanticism. It means updating your content warnings. It means changing the way we defend our identity.

Humans are defined based off of general biology and society building defined by traits like bipedalism, language, tool-making, foresight, and opposable thumbs. Nothing at all to do with love, which is something we can observe throughout the animal kingdom. All aros are humans because that's the scientific classification we're born into. You don't need love to be compassionate or kind towards other people. Every living creature is worthy of basic respect. Aromanticism doesn't harm people (anti-aro bias and amatonormativity do). Whatever our feelings, those deserve to be respected and considered.

By breaking down these barriers and stereotypes, we help everyone. Because there's a lot of different ways to feel and live, and we deserve to get to explore those options.

[redheadlesbianfreak]

During my Freshman year in college, one of my friends called me the “token straight friend” of our college friend group. It fucking hurt man. I was definitely queer, I was definitely attracted to women, and I knew this. But I didn’t know how to label myself, and I hadn’t “come out” to anyone yet. I wasn’t even out to myself, as I kept doubting my queerness.

You know what I did identify as back then? Asexual. That labeled seemed to be right for me and I felt good about it. I was still called “the token straight friend.” In fact, I wasn’t seen as a “real” member of the queer community by anyone until I started identifying as a lesbian. And got a girlfriend to boot. Suddenly, I went from feeling left out to feeling welcomed.

Coming out to people as asexual was terrifying in its own right. Most people didn’t know what that was, but they heard the word “sexual” and freaked out. Other people really didn’t take me seriously at all. They would say “that’s neat” and then go on a rant about how ace people really weren’t apart of the queer community. 

Am I asexual? I’m honestly not sure anymore. I know for sure I’m comfortable with the lesbian label, I adore the butch label, but there are still some things that are confusing. I like sex, I love the feeling and the connection. But the pressure to perform a certain way is a lot. I think that my sex drive is “low” and I prefer having it every so often. 

I’m also realizing that there is no such thing as a normal sex drive. That everyone has a different relationship with sex, and that’s okay! It’s all valid as long as you aren’t hurting someone. It’s okay if you don’t want to have it, it’s okay if you are repulsed, it’s okay if you adore it and want to have it all the time, and it’s also okay if you would prefer it every so often. 

I’ve been wanting to blog about this for a very long time. When ace people talk about how violently acephobic so many people were in the LGBTQIA community just a few years ago, they’re telling the truth. I felt it firsthand and I stopped using a label that I felt comfortable with for a long time. 

I really want this blog to be sex positive and never shame people for loving sex. I hate slut-shaming and I want people to live their best life. I think people should be loud and proud, do what makes them comfortable. But it’s so important to me that my blog is supportive of those who are aroace for a reason. 

I think that love, sexuality, and relationships look different for everyone--and that’s beautiful. No one should ever be shamed because of the way they live or for being themselves.

[snek-eyes]

Hi Vee! How are you? I hope you had a great start into the new year 🥳

I have a meta question! I'm not very good at comprehending stuff sometimes, so it might be a dumb question but alas. I'm ace, so it really bothers me not to know which is why I think you could help.

When Shax dresses up as hitchhiker and talks to Aziraphale on the way from Scottland, she says she's bemused as to why Crowley would risk destruction for him because "you don't seem his type at all". Does she mean judging by Crowley's looks and coolness and so on or does she mean Crowley had other lovers before and Azi doesn't fit in with them? The latter would bug me ngl, I'm the kind of romantic who even wants that kiss we saw to be the first kiss for both of them 😅 And then again Neil said that they can still be ace because the kiss was romantic but there is "no evidence for sexual relations" between Crow and Azi which then must include that of course there are also no hints that they've ever been involved with others...right? (I'm ace and I'm aware aces can have sexual relations if we want to but I think since Neil says they can be ace because there's no evidence of that, it means he includes those of our community repulsed by sex, too.)

I'd love if you could shed some light on the matter 😄

Cheers!

- 💫

Hey, happy new year! ✨🎉

So first, to actually answer your question, I think Shax in the car is just trying to rattle Aziraphale, like she does later in the bookshop by calling him Crowley's emotional support angel—except the one in the car doesn't work because Aziraphale's not going to be made to feel too lame to be Crowley's type, pfft. He's confident by this point that he very much *is* Crowley's type, even if they haven't acknowledged it.

Secondly: IMO, one of the funnest things about shipping Aziraphale and Crowley is how versatile they are. The only thing for certain is they, against all odds, have become each other's most important person. What exactly that means is pretty open to interpretation. All that to say, if you think they're Ace or even Aro, absolutely rock on!

I have a great appreciation for how Neil keeps emphasizing that canon is only whatever's "on the page," (or on the screen, in this case), and whatever he or anyone else might say outside of that technically doesn't count. He and Terry wrote these characters, but ultimately, they aren't real people with a real tangible history. The gaps in canon are free real estate for the viewers to respond to and mentally fill in.

There seems to be nothing in canon that says either of them have kissed anyone before—or that they haven't. Sex is always going to be part of shipping culture in one way or another, but just because someone might interpret Shax's statement to mean that Crowley's had lovers before doesn't mean you're not just as free to believe that was their first kiss with anyone ever. Even if interpretations contradict, both are technically headcanon and can be equally valid until something in the show itself says otherwise. Have fun!

[Personally: I love Ace AC! It's actually my interpretation of canon. I'm also on team "neither had ever kissed anyone" because that just feels like it makes sense, both for their characters and frankly that's how it feels like David and Michael acted it (those two men know how to kiss, if they wanted it to feel like something other than 'desperately attempting something both of them had only seen before' they would have).

But reading fics where they're *not* that can be fun too, even if I personally don't think they were actually making out just offscreen this whole time. I've read and enjoyed fics I thought were blatantly out of character, but still told me a good story. And man, I will never forget feeling like an absolute king on AO3 in the months after I watched s1, putting in whatever combination of tags I was in the mood for and finding piles of gold.]

[whatever-letmebe]

Playboyy ep 3

That was a solid episode imo. Much better than ep 2.

I liked that the boys (First and Zouey) at least started a discussion around consent even though they don't have a good understanding of it. It was totally not okay for Teena to keep going after Zouey told him to stop and I hope First is beginning to realize that safe and consensual BDSM is more than just having a safe word.

I couldn't help but think that it would be extremely funny if Soong got so fed up with First that he actually decided to kidnap him for real.

I don't understand Soong anymore. Actually, I never understood him because his actions didn't match what I thought his primary motivation was and now after this episode I am even more confused.

Also, I love how First's friends still only call him "pizza delivery guy". Feels very validating to me, a person who only knows Soong's name because I looked it up.

The whole rugby plot is very absurd. I kinda love it but also what is going on? Captain trying to convince the guys that he is totally straight, he loves girls with boobs and is not at all turned on by muscular men was hilarious.

The mystery around Nant keeps me invested.

Prom for sure knows that he is not talking to Nant. Maybe he doesn't have anything to do with Nant's disappearance but he knows.

I didn't even notice that there were no scenes with Jump and Porsche until somebody on tumblr pointed it out and I can't say that I miss them

I watched the episode without sound and I think I'm gonna keep doing that because it makes it much easier for me to get through. Also, I'm watching this show as a sex-repulsed aroace person who has kinky fantasies but only in the "it has to be removed from reality, cannot involve me or people I know" kind of way (I label myself as aegosexual). So I love the exploration of BDSM and kink in this show, I am always interested in story lines around consent, and I don't really care about most sex scenes or shots of half-naked men because they do nothing for me.

[butterfly-apocalypse]

Mild vent post about inter-aro/ace community friction and ace discourse under the cut:

Saw a post just now that rubbed me the wrong way really badly (I had OP blocked, but I was visiting someone's blog and they reblogged it so I saw the post anyway [shakes fist at sky]. It's kind of nice when your choice to block someone is validated though!).

The post was talked about how aces who choose to engage in sexual relationships are making an effort to be fight misinformation and to be accepted, which usually comes in the form of acknowledgement that some asexuals may choose to have sex when discussing ace experiences. The post also discussed how aces who have been affected by being pressured to conform get rubbed the wrong way by seeing so many discussions about the asexual experience acknowledge that aces can still have sex. The overall point of the post was that "everyone gets annoyed at each other when it should be peaceful."

And like yeah! I think the post hit the nail on the head, I think that's exactly what's happening. However there were like. Two things about the post that PARTICULARLY rubbed me the wrong way: 1) Framing both groups as equally valid in their irritation and 2) describing the effort to include the experience of sex-favorable aces as "don't worry, aces can still conform!"

Because for 1) a group being annoyed and speaking against the fact that experiences other members of their community are being represented and acknowledged (and sometimes even emphasized to combat a history of a severe lack of representation and acknowledgement) are doing harm to their fellow community members. No community is a monolith and PARTICULARLY not the aro/ace community. The experiences of aces who choose to engage in sexual relationships matter SO MUCH and have almost no mainstream discussion that I've seen. It is the MORE INCLUSIVE and more responsible thing to do to acknowledge the many many many different "asexual experiences" if you're going to discuss them at large.

I think the irritation at other people being included comes from a lack of understanding other aces lived experiences and a heightened concern over how other people using the same label differently as you do affects people's impressions. Visibility and acceptance are not a pie. More visibility and acceptance for sex-favorable aces does not mean less visibility and acceptance for sex-repulsed or otherwise celibate aces. Regardless of how much more common acknowledgement of sex-favorable aces has become on certain online spaces, I think it would be hard to argue that the experiences of sex-favorable aces has come anywhere close to overshadowing other ace experiences.

It's COMPLETELY FAIR to have different spaces, different discussions, etc. specific to difference experiences! But when discussing asexual experiences AT LARGE, it's Not really fair to be upset that different experiences are acknowledged.

For 2) framing aces who choose to engage in a sexual relationship as "choosing to conform" feels so unfair. Like, yes, you could say that by engaging in a sexual relationship, they are following societal expectations and are therefore conforming. But that's SO FOCUSED on what external impressions of the relationship are when SO MUCH of the asexual experience IS INTERNAL. Are bisexual women who choose to date men "conforming?" You might say so from the outside, but what is that accomplishing?

Anyway, I just....sigh.

I've been verbally assaulted in real life by a fellow queer person who insisted that I would abusing and lying to my then girlfriend if I choose to be sexual with her OR that she would be abusing me OR that if I actually WANTED to participate, then I wasn't allowed to identify as asexual. I have been in so so so many conversations with other aro/aces where I say something and the response is "Well, I'm ace, so I don't [thing that I just said I do or enjoy]." It feels deeply invalidating! It feel straight out of 2nd grade hearing people say stuff like "I'm a girl, so I don't like superheroes." or "I'm a boy, so I can't wear a dress." and so also "I'm ace, so I don't like E-rated fanfics." and "I'm ace, so I can't write smut."

Furthermore, I've seen more and more of an unholy mix of treating aro/aces as a monolith with purity culture. Ace Discourse did so much damage to the community and the community growing back is so steeped in sex-negativity. "I'm better because I'm not bogged down by sexual attraction" and "Sex scenes in shows and movies should all be removed, there's never a reason sex needs to be included," are VERY UNDERSTANDABLE and VERY VALIDLY ill-received by the rest of the queer community and people who have fought so hard for sexual liberation. (These were not random examples or exaggerations, they were from a conversation I had less than 24 hours ago in real life.)

SO MUCH of the queer community relies on sex-positivity/sex-neutrality and that genuinely does actually include aces. Sex-positivity/neutrality takes sex from being some All Important Arcane Sacred Ritual that is either Blessed or Evil into a natural activity that's part of life that many people choose to engage in or not engage in for a variety of reasons. It removes the "inherent significance" from it as well as the taboo. It removes ANY expectation, including the expectation that sex is necessary.

Anyway. I think that's all I have to say for now. I'm getting off my soap box.

Tune in next time for rant about how Ace Discourse primarily relies on cisheteronormativity and conflating sex-negativity for asexuality!

[shadowmaat]

You just don't understaaand

I've vented about this before, but hey, it's Pride Month, so I'm gonna vent some more.

The way that fandom tends to approach Murderbot and its relationships is frankly revolting.

I understand the weird human compulsion to ship all the things all the time, but here you have a character who has expressed numerous times that it is repulsed by "human bits" and disgusted by the idea of sex. You could have no clearer rendering of someone who is a sex-repulsed ace. AND YET.

Fandom seems to be hellbent on giving it a romantic sexual/sex-adjacent relationship. Oh, it can't have sex sex, of course, because it doesn't have the parts for that, but hey, we can come up with something that is exactly like sex, but different! How else can two individuals show they care deeply for each other if they can't even cyberfuck?

I need y'all to listen to yourselves. I need you to step back and actually THINK about the things you're doing. Yes yes, it's "just fiction" and none of these characters actually exist. But do you know how often aces have to deal with people telling them that they "just haven't met the right person yet" or that "if you had GOOD sex, you'd understand" and so on and so forth. Do you know how gutting it is to see a great and unapologetically ace character grabbed up by fandom and immediately sexualized?

It's a gross and creepy feeling to watch people try to loophole past "sex-repulsed" to give it a sexual relationship without the actual sex part. "Ooo, connecting to ART like this maxes out its pleasure centers!" "Sure, it says it hates sex, but if they did it like THIS it would realize how great it is!" Just... stop. Please. For the sake of all sex-repulsed aces, stop trying to act as if we're somehow "missing" something, or that our relationships are less valid because we don't copulate. Let Murderbot be Murderbot. No fucking. No metaphors for fucking. Just Murderbot.

The fact that there are so many people out there who can't comprehend a healthy, loving (or lovingly antagonistic) relationship that doesn't involve physical intimacy is disheartening. How do the rest of us stand a chance at being accepted if you can't even accept a fictional representation?

Sex isn't the only possible way to "prove" you love someone. And if you think it's necessary then you really need to expand your education because that ain't healthy. Sex as a way of expressing love? Sure. Sex as necessary proof of love? Try reading more diverse material. Or talking to people outside whatever circle you're trapped in that's reinforcing that message.

Watching the developing relationship between Murderbot and ART has been a lot of fun. They care about each other to a significant degree, so much so that even the humans and augmented humans can see it. Their relationship is a thing that already exists, and sure, there are ways for it to keep deepening, but they don't need to have the secunit/AI equivalent of sex in order for it to be real. If that's the direction Martha Wells wants to take it in, more power to her, but it doesn't need to go there in order for them to show they love each other. I don't understand why this is so hard for certain people to accept.

[aberrantmood]

A little bit about me! (That isn't already on my carrd) WARNING: I'm a multi-paragraph texter. This introduction may be a bit longer than common intro posts you'd come across, which is something that some people enjoy more than others. With that in mind, if you aren't willing to read at least my opinions/stances or carrd, you won't have the best time here.

In short, I can’t force you to read anything here. However, anything you come across on my blog that’s unsavory, uncomfortable, or you don’t agree with, I already warned about beforehand on this pinned post. 🍵 What's my general "vibe?" Grew up catholic, now I'm someone the priests I grew up with want burnt on a stake. I also often put my filter on the back burner when it comes to sexual topics. Although, because of that, I'm proud to say that various friends of mine have become more open with not only talking about their sexual thoughts and/or experiences, they've also become more comfortable and―dare I say―confident with themselves. I'm the one they come to if they're unsure of which toy to buy and if they're too scared to order/buy one themselves. I'm the one they come to if they need sexual advice, I'm the one they (specifically my writer friends) come to when they wanna ramble about their OCs sexual preferences and interests. Hence, I will absolutely be that same friend towards anyone who decides "Hey, her blog is pretty chill. I'll stick around."

🍵 Why am I on tumblr? To talk about sex and, hopefully, help break the stigma a little bit behind it. I'm hoping my frequent talk about it will help not only others out there feel more open―just as it did with my friends―but at least relieved to know that they aren't alone in any kinks they may have (and that they're completely valid, at that). I actually highly recommend Evie Lupine if you're looking for further and more in-depth kink education. She's asexual, too! Kinky asexuals aren't commonly known of nor talked about, and she plans to break that. So, despite not being asexual myself―she taught me a lot about the asexual spectrum community, and helped me immensely with fighting the common guilt that comes with being kinky. I highly, highly recommend her. I'm also here to spread education about LGBTQ+―specifically us Aromantic Allosexuals, which I am. "Aromantic Allopansexual," to be specific. I don't only post about sex and my sexual identity, though. I also may post about my personal interests/hobbies, which you can find on my carrd. Main topics might be about horror, as I've been a huge fan of it since toddler age.

🍵 What am I into (NSFW wise)? In short, I'm a "pillow princess" submissive. A sub is self-explanatory. For pillow princess though―to me, "pillow princess" means I'm all for receiving oral, but have an uncontrollable repulsion to giving it. I used to beat myself up for that, thanks to the common "give what you get" expectation when it comes to oral, but came to accept it. That I not only can't help my repulsion, but shouldn't "have" to do anything in sex I'm not comfortable with. That it does not make me boring or selfish. To anyone who's similar: I hear you. I understand you. And I promise you, there are many people out there entirely into it. Though I am curious to try out deepthroating a dick or strap-on, as I frequently do in my fantasies―a real dick would have to fit my personal bill of attractive to even want to touch it. As said before, though, there are people entirely into it. Hence, I prefer only sleeping with partners who don't want their own genitals touched. As I'll admit that giving-oral-repulsion guilt still lingers from time to time. But if I'm with a partner who doesn't want their genitals touched in the first place, it really shuts that inner guilt off. (Stone tops, we stand in solidarity). And as you can probably tell, I'm more than open with my insecurities. Please feel free to be on my blog as well. Kink wise and a more in depth list? Here's a document, if you're curious. 🍵 Tags? • #askLeda for my asks and answers. • #nsft for "not safe for tumblr/not safe for work" related posts. Mainly humerous/not so serious posts. • #sexualfantasy for, as it says, posts related to my fantasies. • #aromantic or #aroallo for Aromantic related posts. • #sexualeducation or #ethicalkink for, also, just as it says on the tin. Educational and encouragement, and potential ramblings/rants, of healthy practices when it comes to sex of all kinds. Be it vanilla or kinky. • #toyrec for adult toy recommendations and reviews.

• #Ledastunes for songs I'm either currently listening to on repeat, and/or just wanna recommend. 🍵 Some opinions/stances? • Sex and romance are not inherently bad. While the way that society, at large, interacts with them is flawed (e.g: toxic monogamy/amatonormativity)―completely getting rid of them is far from the solution. • Sex repulsion/aversion is not an excuse for sex negativity. (e.g: "Eww! People have sex?! Y'all are disgusting!") • Children shouldn't be sheltered from the topic of sex. And around teenage years, they should feel comfortable enough to ask you for a toy or advice. If your child grows up fearing you'll be disgusted by them, then I firmly believe you fucked up there. • As kinky and kink positive I am, kink should never be a replacement for therapy. • But with that in mind, kink (especially edgier/violent leaning ones) are far from inherently misogynistic and are a sign you need your head checked/of mental illness. Alt-right and radical feminists tend to have this viewpoint. So, and I say this as respectfully as possible, leave my blog if you fit any of those bills.

• “Virginity” is not medically real. It’s not a medical term, and it’s not based on any scientifical evidence. Instead, virginity is a social and cultural concept that is more important in some cultures and religions than in others; though the importance causing much bloodshed for centuries. Particularly, purity culture. • Doms using safe words/hand signs/etc is absolutely necessary. The sub isn't the only one in control―both (or all) parties are. Each person in a power play dynamic absolutely deserve, and need, a safe word/hand sign/whatever. Including sadists. Far too many people (especially newcomers) in the BDSM community either aren't aware that doms, too, need check-ins and tap outs. Then once some people/subs do learn about/experience that, they scoff. This all goes for aftercare, too. • You aren't "sex positive" as you may think if you're anti-kink. I don't care if it's for personal reasons (in that case, that's called projection)―if your argument is "I support x because x is better than y" then you actually don't support x, and should maybe reconsider your stances and views. "Oh, have as much sex as you want! That's totally great for you! So long as it doesn't involve any kinks like masochism or anything. That's for brainwashed and gross people who are just inherently harming their mental state or are inherently abusers, haha :)" We've been told that sex is degrading and takes away a person's value one way or another, and we’ve finally come to recognize that that's an awful viewpoint to hold. But instead of saying "no, that's not true" and instead saying "yeah, it's true, but not under these conditions" and you think you've made it better? Once again, I would highly recommend sitting back and listening to those with different experiences and thoughts. • You aren't supportive of aromantics and "all complex queer identities" until you learn and accept that not every aromantic is asexual. Neither that all aroallos are bi/pan/lesbian/etc―some are heterosexual, yet still absolutely belong in the community. Aromantic, in of itself, is a queer identity. 🍵 QUCK NOTE: Trans women, you are absolutely loved and welcome here, and it will be kept that way. I say that as not only a promise, but a threat towards any transphobes reading. Mark my words, I will not tolerate any hate towards my trans sisters on my fucking blog. 🍵 Rules for asking/interacting: Here.

[graysongraysoff]

u kno

roughly a year back i embarked upon something of a ~sexuality crisis~ that lasted for ~kind of a while~ bc i kind of blundered into writing smut for a couple rps i was in and was like "writing smut fun actually??" which resulted in me like. not being able to write it anymore for a long time lmao and feeling all gross and hypocritical about it. bc i already have such a complex about being "fake ace" for a number of reasons and having fun writing smut only exacerbated this, bc while i am still 100% certain i have never been sexually attracted to a person or a person’s physical attributes, i was like finding out there are things people can do that i find, yes, sexy. but simultaneously i'm still not really interested in actually having sex? and all of this felt very confusing and contradictory, lol.

and it didn’t help to hear that common refrain of “oh so much of the smut on ao3 is written by ace folks ace folks write so much smut lol” bc like. idk the way people would always frame it was something like “it’s ace people’s distance from sex and sexuality that makes them good at writing it bc of their objective perspective” or whatever but that’s not how it felt to me?? like i would never describe it as feeling “distant” or “objective” or like i was some outsider looking in. i feel really deeply personally connected to everything i write, no matter how like technically distant it is from my lived experience. does that make sense?? like i don’t feel like some kind of fucking scientist observing and recording things; i put myself in everything i write because i don’t know how you would write about characters’ emotions and reactions to things without feeling all of that yourself to some extent. it’s not sympathy it’s empathy, and to a very high degree.

but recently i discovered youtube video essayist james somerton who does a lot of queer/gay content (unrelated his video on attack on titan is fantastic and should be required watching) and i was like letting his stuff autoplay while getting ready for work one morning about a week ago and thus got to listen to a podcast he did with a gay ace co-host about asexuality and stuff, and this co-host talked about how he enjoyed cybering and like writing about sex and having written sexual encounters but found the actual experience of sex like underwhelming and disappointing, specifically saying the real thing like never lives up to what he can write or imagine. and idk hearing someone talk about it like that was really like. helpful and validating for me?? hearing “asexuality is a spectrum uwu” is often too vague for me to really get anything out of it, but hearing someone specifically talk about their place on the spectrum as anything other than a sex-repulsed aro/ace and also having their experience be validated by the allosexual person they’re talking to about it, idk. it made me feel like less of a freak and a hypocrite to know that there’s at least one guy out there who’s like “yeah i like having written sexual encounters but the real thing doesn’t really interest me” and that he’s comfortable enough to talk about it in those terms and to still identify as ace and to have at least one other person sitting there with him clearly not thinking he’s any less ace for it.

idk i’ve been thinking about this a lot in the week since i listened to that podcast and i just wanted to get it out of my brain, lol. i just like. 1.) really appreciated stumbling upon that video so much and 2.) really wish there was more content like that out there for ace folks like me who like. struggle with not feeling ace enough bc so much ace pride is like. “i’m incorruptible.” lmao. like some more nuance would really be great, idk.