#I do sometimes wish I could be in a QPR but I don’t know if I’m just feeling pressured to be with someone

[darkyukifr]

I’m trying to reflect on many things these last months, about my place in this world as an aroace person but also about my place in fandoms. And I found this amazing comic on this subject by bloggingboutburgers.

This is something I’m struggling with A LOT and I’m still trying to explore this side of myself.

For many years now I’m deeply engaging with shipping cultures in fandoms (mostly as a lurker and recently by contributing publicly), because I couldn’t help but think that a character becomes really interesting only when they are involved in a romantic and/or sexual relationship, and they become worthy of a story (I’m taking these last words from this post because they struck me). Even when the character wasn’t involved in one, I found myself waiting for any kind of romantic/sexual plot to appear.

And this is such a HORRIBLE though to have as an aroace person who is romance and sex repulsed IRL. It’s like telling myself I’m not worthy as a person, even if I have many other beautiful kinds of relationships in my life for 27 years now. It’s a strange feeling where I’m ignoring my own existence and I’m just a random soul in this world, like a side character who loves and is loved by their family and friends, and by other humans in general, but who isn’t the main character of their own life.

But I also know it’s one of the consequences of this capitalist society that encourages nuclear families, and any other kinds of communities or relationships are depicted as less valuable, and it sadly sticks way too hard in my mind.

I realised these last months that I became physically disgusted by porn fics or drawings of my favorite ships because of the huge amount of it, and above all because I couldn’t engage with many of the people from these fandoms anymore. I even had to unfollow some of them because all this smut started to feel unbearable. It’s like I wasn’t able to keep going with my masquerade, but I wasn’t even aware I was doing this masquerade until I reached this point xD As if I was in a kind of denial all this time? Like I was thinking “yeaaah I can do it easily” when I can’t and I was just seeking community and some kind of validation? I usually enjoy this kind of art, but engaging actively with people highlighted the fact that these fantasies were not intangible fantasies anymore.

I’m still trying to analyse my feelings: is shipping interesting to me when I’m alone, and discussing about it with other people who are romantically and sexually active makes me realise that “oh, fandoms are not different than real life places on this subject. I can’t engage in these horny discussions endlessly without feeling sick at some point. And they are not interested in talking about something else than sex or romance, or the discussion just dies”? Do I like talking about it but I just need to understand what my boundaries are? Or am I just afraid to focus on the other possible paths outside of sex and romance because relating to them would be scary?

Fortunately I don’t have this problem with my friends and I met wonderful people in fandoms with whom it’s possible to talk about other things, or with whom I can talk about romance/sex without feeling pressured to empathise (they understand these are more likely jokes or sociological discussions to me and they respect it xD). But these “side character” thoughts stay and do make me feel lonely as I grow older.

I forced myself to work on one of my adult aroace OC for more than a year and it really heals me. It is indeed possible to make a person worthy of a story without being involved in any romantic or sexual relationships, even if they still have to confront the society norms in their everyday life. But it’s also surprisingly not that difficult? At least not more than thinking about any other character’s life.

All this time I advocated for queer relationships and I do think it’s VERY important to do it. And I will keep drawing all kinds of relationships. But I also think I should advocate for my aroace self a little bit more.

To sum up my reflexion, I should try to give myself some more love by thinking about other things than shipping, and to give myself more space to explore and give importance to other topics even if they feel more personal. What is important is to love, no matter the form it takes, and all these forms are valid.

(I’m still trying to figure out how to navigate in fandoms, maybe I will find solutions someday, maybe I won’t xD since I can’t control the disgust phases when they come to me gzeibgiebzgzui)

[silver-ink-iron-words]

T_T

This is so touching!

I was going to wait until tomorrow to post this. But then I was like, I've already made them wait long enough, and what's the harm of posting two things in one day?

Felt it'd be nice to have Part 6 be a little less plot-driven. You'll see what I mean

-------

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

QPR, Part 6

“[Hero], come on!” the villain called, from where they laid sprawled on the couch. “You said it wouldn’t take that long!”

“Hold on just a sec.” The hero’s voice floated from the kitchen. “They’ll be done soon.”

The villain scowled and flopped back on the pillows. “You never see Do-yun making Ha-rin wait around forever.”

“That’s because tv shows have this magical trick called the jump cut.” There was the sound of an oven door closing. “We'll just let them bake, and then they’ll be so good you won’t even remember the wait.”

The villain groaned.

Then they heard the sound of running water, and burst up, rushing into the kitchen. “Are you doing my dishes?!”

The hero jerked their head up like they’d been caught vandalizing. “I was just going to do a few while we waited.”

“Okay, one, you do not need to do my chores on k-drama night. And two, how long is the baking going to take?!”

The hero glanced to their phone on the counter. “’Bout fifty more minutes.”

The villain gaped. “That’s most of an episode!”

“Well I didn’t want us to have to pause the show during a big scene. This way we can – Jesus your hands are freezing!”

The villain had come up behind the hero to hug them, pressing their hands on the hero’s stomach.

“Come watch tv dear,” they said into the hero’s shoulder. “I’m cold without you.”

The hero shook their head, but also cracked a small grin. “You’re evil.”

The villain matched their expression and pressed their hands more. “Of course I am. It’s the only way I can get you to cuddle me.”

In the end, the brownies were, in fact, good enough to make the villain forget why they were annoyed in the first place.

---

“Oh my god,” the hero said.

The villain fidgeted. “Do you like it?”

“Like it?” The hero looked up. “[Villain], it’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.”

The hero was holding a small fluffy teddy bear, its fur the black, grey, white, and purple of the asexual flag.

The villain beamed. “Really?”

The hero nodded gleefully. “He needs a name.”

“I think the tag says its name is ‘Fuzzy’ or something. You could – ”

“Ferdinand,” the hero decided, assessing the stuffed animal. “Ferdinand Bearnsby. The next Prince of Denmark.”

The villain wrapped the hero in a hug. “I’m so glad you like it.”

---

“So is [Villain], like, a law-abiding citizen now?” the hero’s friend asked.

“Uh, sort of?” The hero gazed around at the restaurant’s outdoor seating area. “They still break minor laws, but I think they’ve really toned it down to stress me out less.”

“Hey, that’s great.”

The hero swirled their iced tea with their straw. “Yeah, I guess.”

The friend quirked an eyebrow. “You don’t agree?”

The hero sighed. “Okay, so don’t ever tell [Villain] this, but I think their ‘devil may care’ attitude is maybe, kinda . . . a little bit cool?”

The friend grinned. “Oh really?”

In return, the hero’s smile was sheepish. “It’s a little embarrassing to admit, but I secretly wish that they’d behave more like their old villainous self sometimes.”

“Hm, well I suppose that – ”

Something enormous crashed into the street, making all the dishes clatter. The hero and their friend both whipped their heads around to see the cause of the noise.

“[Villain]!”

“Oh hi [Hero]!” The fifty-foot tall mech waved at the two of them. “Fancy meeting you here. How did you know it was me?”

“[Villain], why are you in a giant robot?!”

“Isn’t it cool?” The villain spun around, their heavy feet cracking the pavement and the machine's hinges screeching with every movement. “I finally figured out how to get the power system working.”

“This is illegal.”

The villain laughed. “Ah okay, I see the issue. But, fear not my darling, for I have” – they pulled out a sheet of paper that looked miniscule in their enormous metal hands – “a permit!”

Soon after, the mech continued walking down the street, while the hero followed them, shouting at the top of their lungs.

The friend watched them go, and then chuckled. Those two maniacs were perfect for each other.

---

A-spec stories taglist:

@feline17ff , @piept , @doublericenobeans , @vioqueenofmushrooms , @pigeonwhumps , @thelazywitchphotographer , @taramacgay

[our-queerplatonic-experience]

Queer platonic breakups hurt so bad. I’m going to tell my partner tomorrow that I don’t want to be in a qpr anymore. I feel like the whole time we’ve been in a qpr (6 months) we have been on different pages. I feel so unloved and used and gross :(

Sorry for the vent, hope you’re doin well

ugh i understand. a little vent of my own below the cut

a little while ago my friend started making it seem like they wanted a qpr with me but they didn't know the vocabulary

they'd say things like "i wish we could get married but in like... a platonic way?" and i'd be like "that's a thing people do! you might be experiencing qp attraction and im so down w that" and they were kinda just like "ok cool" and nothing came of it

then a couple weeks later it turns out they just had a crush on me. and they'd known for a few months.

they also recently have been saying things like "remember when we were in a qpr? we should go back to that" even though we were never in a qpr, i don't feel like that about them anymore, and they definitely don't feel that way about me. it kind of pisses me off that they just assumed we were in a qpr without talking about it at all

it was a ton of really shitty communication and what feels kind of manipulative but was unintentional and it was just really bad. i really relate to what you said about feeling used and gross, i feel like they never understood my feelings and just took it as "they like me more than other people and will feel that way forever"

anyways i'm not really friends with them anymore and it's working out okay, im completely fine now that im out of that weird relationship but i still get mad about it sometimes

[asexual-society]

ummm idrk how to start this but whatever.

for most of my life i’ve been convinced i was pansexual, and i’ve been in a ton of relationships (mostly unhealthy), and whenever i was in a relationship the more time went on the more i started viewing it as a chore of some sorts.

right now i’m in a very healthy relationship, so i was convinced everything would’ve been fine.

it was not. i’m starting to view this relationship as a chore too. not because i don’t wanna be around my current boyfriend ofc, i like him as a person a lot but i just.. don’t feel what i think a “””””normal”””” person is supposed to feel in a romantic relationship.

i’ve started looking into the aroace spectrum and i actually identify with a lot of things i’ve seen, so now i’m very confused.

i’m just scared this is just a phase or smth and if i end the relationship with my current boyfriend (i’ve realized i don’t wanna be in a romantic relationship with him) im just going to regret it later.

any advice is greatly appreciated???

The thing is, you might regret breaking up with your current boyfriend, but more likely you'll just be relieved? I have a lot of regrets about relationships I didn't pursue when I was younger before I knew I was aro, but ultimately I know they wouldn't have ended well, because I turned out to be aro (and some of them turned out to be gay anyway, but that's not really related). Some of the things we regret doing or not doing aren't because we made a mistake in those choices, but because we aren't happy with where we've ended up. It doesn't mean that we'd be better off if we'd chosen differently, it might just be a Grass Is Always Greener situation.

I can't tell you if you're aro or ace or something else, but I do think staying in a relationship where you feel the way you've described will most likely lead to a lot of resentment from both sides. Some people who have been in mostly unhealthy relationships do sometimes report feeling bored when they get into a healthy relationship for the first time, but if you actively don't want to be in a romantic relationship with him anymore, I personally don't think staying in the relationship, at least in the way it is now, is a healthy course of action. You could talk to him about how you feel, and he might agree that it would be better to break it off, or you might be able to try something else, and see how that works for you. I hesitate to suggest just slapping a QPR label on and calling it a day in situations like this, because I don't really believe that every romantic relationship can seamlessly turn into a QPR without actually addressing the underlying issues, but if you do decide to break it off, and decide you're still interested in having some sort of relationship with someone in the future, it's always useful to know that's an option if you want it.

I hope this helps, and I wish you all the best in whatever you decide! <3

~ mod key

[igbylicious]

YOUR MIND 👨‍🍳💋👌 I love this update a lot!! The way it kinda has been leading up to this and we all knew it was gonna be wooyoung who pushes first djjaak I love you boo but it tracks XD the readers pov was so well written it just feels like you were expressing some of my own thoughts and feelings that made me go like YES THAT'S THE THING WITH WORDS!! the very unique frustrations of being aro around a world so persistent on prioritising romantic relationships first and foremost ugh you did SO WELL I'm honestly so so proud ahhh I'd print out this chapter and plaster it all over my walls if I could 🖤 also have I mentioned how grateful I am for your san he's SO PRECIOUS!! The way he handles conflict is so soothing bless him. He is truly just the best boy *gives all the head pats to him*. I hope you're feeling better in general and about this chapter, too, because you truly did wonderfully with it. I know it also hits close to home for you and honestly it shouldn't matter if your representation of an aro character isn't relatable to every aro person because it will be to someone and they should feel seen too! So I hope you stop worrying about that even if it feels silly to tell you to stop worrying because that's definitely not how it works, but sometimes hearing it from someone else helps 🖤🖤 thank you for another great chapter and all your hard work!!

lol ofc it had be Wooyoung! he never meant any harm but he just got carried away in the moment ♡ asdjkasdjk San deserves ALL the head pats after that! he was STRESSED!!! like what’s he supposed to do if Woo and reader had a falling out?? ;;

gOD i feel you on the prioritisation! T_T to get personal for just a minute, i already knew abt aromanticism for a while before, youknow, it clicked for me; and i had that ‘click’ moment when i realised that no, i don’t want to be in a romantic relationship, i’m just scared of being left behind alone as i grow older, and my friends’ attention shifts to other things.

a romantic relationship often felt like the only way to guarantee that i’d stay important in the life of at least one person that i also care abt, bc it is treated as such a normal thing that friendships fade when ppl get into romantic relationships, move in together, get kids, that whole deal — all things that i don’t want ^^;; (i do feel more secure with some of the friends i have now, but obv whichever way is a huge wish-fulfillment thing heh!)

asdkjadskj ok now i got all that out; i am so happy the story is connecting with you! even if it is for reasons i wish we didn’t have to deal with lol!!! and it does help to hear ♡ an external reminder is good every now and then, and i needed one (≧◡≦) ♡

like there is such wide spectrum of experiences, needs and wants within the aromantic community, and i really shouldn’t even be trying to encapsulate all of that in one story, one character. some aros are good with being in romantic relationships, others don’t want to be in a QPR; i literally can’t represent us all here lol ^^;;

really, thankyou for the reminder ( ´ ▿ ` )♡

[writeinmysoul]

Sometimes, well often actually, I wish I were better at being a person. I wish I knew how to not only feel but also understand and express emotions. I wish I knew how to exist and interact with people and feel the friendships you see on tv. I’ve almost always accepted and taken pride in my ace and potential aro identities, but sometimes I wish I could feel the kind of affection and give the kind of affection you see given so easily in movies and books and shows, and I understand that it doesn’t have to be a romantic thing, but it so often feels like that’s the only option, and I’m comfortable with the knowledgeable that a romantic relationship, let alone a sexual one, may never be the kind of thing I want, but then I feel like I’m going to be missing out on all these things that people act like are the end all be all. And tho most of the time all I want is probably a qpr, or even just to live with a friend and get to have actual time with that friend, most people I’ve met still prioritize a relationship to their friendships 100% of the time. I don’t even know what I’m trying to say anymore honestly.

Just, a good 95% of the time, I’m so happy with my ace/aro identities, but then every once in a while, it feels like I’m lacking something. But I can’t even say it’s just the ace/aro, I think it also has to do with the autism/adhd and all of it combined. With not always understanding social cues and social situations. With not understanding feelings more often than not. With hyperfixating or having absolutely no interest in anything. And so much of it. And idk. I’m constantly losing the point.

I just want to be a person who can feel things and understand those feelings and know how to exist and interact with other people in a way that doesn’t leave me lonely and with a vague undertone of sadness and invisibility afterwards.

-

Lonely creature born without a place

[polyamorousmood]

can you be a teenager and be polyamorous?

this sounds like a silly question, but can i explain real quick-

so i’m, ofc, a teenager, and i’ve never actually been in any kind of romantic relationship before, or even kissed anyone - not that i don’t want to, my parents are just homophobic - and idk, i think i’m polyam, but… like, am i allowed to be, if i’m a teenager? i’m ace and i already know i don’t want any kind of sexual relationship w/ anyone, and i know that polyamory is often only seen as a sexual thing by a lot of the general public, so maybe that’s why i’ve seen so much stuff online saying that kids can’t be polyam as it’s inherently sexual (i don’t think it always is), or the classic ‘they’re too young to know’ but i just feel like they’re right sometimes, like, i haven’t had the experience and years and stuff that adults have had, and that makes me feel like an idiot for even wanting anything to do w/ this part of the community.

except… it’s like. when i think of being older and married or in a relationship, i always think of it being someone who’s not a man (i’m a nonbinary lesbian), but like, i also think of it as more than one person? like. i’d be happy w/ two wives i think. or a partner who has a partner, that i’m not dating, esp since i’m ace and not of course everyone else is and everyone has different needs wants in a relationship. and while these are obviously just thoughts, i’ve also put. like. a lot of thought into it, and the traditional relationship structure (monogamous man/woman) doesn’t really seem like something that work for me. like also bc i’m aro and i could have a qpr but i wouldn’t mind if it was w/ more than one person or if my partner had like a date or other qpr partner or like… you get the gist. not even ‘wouldn’t mind’ i think it’d be neat, like the traditional relationship structure just never felt like it was right for me.

idk, i’m sorry, this ask is so incoherent. i just. wanted to know if i could be teenage and polyam, or if there’s something wrong w/ me and my thinking for wanting to be so, like i honestly don’t know if there is, and it’s not great sometimes, wanting to use a label for yourself in your head and not knowing if you… can

TL;DR (and it will be long): you can be whatever you feel, at any stage of life, forever. So, yeah, it could be other things, but if that's how your feeling, it doesn't really matter if you change your mind later. You can be it now.

So here's the thing: you do have a lot going on. All teenagers do, and as much as adults condescend to teenagers about it, the only way to figure it out for you personally is for you --personally-- to stumble through it. And you're clearly a bit overwhelmed. That's chill and normal. As stressful as it is, try not to stress it; these are all things that will be okay once the dust has settled.

When I was a teen, I didn't want to touch anyone. I thought I was ace. I barely even wanted a romantic relationship. Now I want several high-sex romantic relationships. I changed in that. I haven't changed in other ways, such as not wanting kids. Everyone told me I'd want them eventually, and here I am as an established adult, happily childless.

If you think you're poly now, you're allowed to call yourself poly! If you wanna say you're "questioning poly" or "interested in exploring" poly that's fine, too, in the same way bi people sometimes go "I'm mean I'm pretty sure I'm bi because my gender people SO HOT but some days I'm not feeling it and I've never actually had gay sex soooo for now I'm just going to call myself bicurious". And a lot of people will probably tell you you're too young to know, but that's not going to change how you feel. Maybe you'll grow in a different direction. Maybe you'll have a 10 year headstart on happiness that everyone on poly forums wishes they had. Both of those things sound fine to me. Those are both 👌👍✅ outcomes.

You can also want all those things and not consider yourself poly. Maybe you're just meant to join a commune 🤷

The point of labels is for you to be able to describe your experience, not to define you. If you think "poly" is an adequate word to describe the experience of "ace but wanting to build my life with multiple close women" then go for it! You could also describe yourself as other things to other people. Like, if you're in a very queer environment like Tumblr, you might feel comfortable saying "I wanna be in a poly lesbian QPR!" but to conservative adults you might just stick to "I'm not looking to get married too quick, its just going to be me and my best girl friends for awhile!" and to someone who's trying to understand but really isn't getting it you might choose to describe it as "I'm trying to found-family-trope my life. Like, we're not sexual, but we're everything for each other, you know?"

So I guess to wrap this up back to you initial question: "poly" isn't inherently sexual, and you can use it to describe anything you think it applies to, yourself especially. However, it may carry that connotation with others, so it might be a lot of trouble (up to you whether its worth that trouble) to identify yourself as that to those people. In your own head? do whatever the fuck you want lmao I'm not the thought police🚫🚓

Use them terms -- "poly" included -- when they suit you. Be that the current mood, the current conversation, the current stage in life, whatever.

[hazelcephalopod]

So I like Buddie. I think it’s neat. I think it makes sense. I think the show should actually just do it. However, I have to say, at this point I also think it’s just going to be queerbaiting -as far as show canon goes plz continue to ship and fanfic away- but I’ve seen this so many times before. I know, the show has queer characters, the spin off has several, but that does not make it immune from queerbaiting. It’s one of the most watched shows on the network, many people watch this but don’t really interact with the fandom and sadly most of them are probably straight and can just… not see it. Idk how, but they exist. So, personally I think it’s just queerbaiting —b/c I don’t think they are going to do it and even potentially risk their audience dipping because people suck and they are cowards.

That said I’m bored so plz continue if you want to read my various contradictory musing hc on this ship. B/c when you recognize the show probably won’t do it you can really just go wherever with it*.

Disclaimer: uh, kinda only partly organizing this and just spitting out thoughts tbh.

However, within fandom I’ve got more to say, mainly “what are the various ways we can interpret this relationship and what it is?” So, let’s get out of the box! The box being the standard mlm ship, b/c the allosexual/romantic monogamous ship is great, I like it just fine and go for it! However, I think equally valid is reading it as ace/aro could also be interesting. (You could also go poly but I don’t really get much into that here?)

Because tbh, they are characters anything goes, s/x it takes people a long time to figure this stuff out. Sometimes they repress it for years, and so on. Sometimes they don’t have the language to express these things until they do. Which, I mean just look at them, either could totally be like “hey wait that’s what sexual attraction is? Huh. I need to go learn some things” or even “romance is what now? Hmm I need to go learn some things.” I could easily read Buck as ace, because even tho he’s had a lot of sex it’s easily read as he is just chasing pleasure and something to do, he’s just like “yea sure I guess that’s fun” and when he’s asked so you like them he’s like “well we had sex so I have to right?” Or how both are just trying to fill the role society expects of them as men. Aromantic? Both of them seem uninterested in the relationships they enter, it’s more the mechanics of “well that person was there and everyone seemed to think it made sense so I guess?” At least not much more interested than friendships. There are so many options those are just some examples. However this does not answer the shipping portion, which isn’t necessary but I did set up the expectation and I shall endeavor to meet it.

Now of course ace/aro people can just date (or not, but again we aren’t here for that, plz explore if you wish) -there are spectrums and also, people are complex. They can be in non traditional relationships like QPR’s, or even not really formalizing that. People can get married because they are just like “you’re great and marriage has benefits”, or even just move in together b/c it is cheaper -and they like the company. With this ships there is the child angle, which can set up all sorts of stories. So plz, go wild with that too.

*I say this because, it decreases the attachment to a singular idea or way things should play out when you just give up on that.

Ps. tbh makes me a little sad that the wider population isn’t aware of aro/ace people b/c it would open up so many interesting stories. Buddie (or even though this isn’t the topic them alone!) could be a great example of this b/c look at them!

[bones-arent-real]

Tagged by @cheetahleopard :D I love these kinds of things, thank you!

Bold all that applies to you: (and also comment in brackets bc i like to elaborate)

APPEARANCE: i’m over 5’5” // i wear glasses/contacts // i have blond hair // i prefer loose clothing to tight clothing // i have one or more piercings (i have tried to pierce my ear but i couldnt get the earring thru) // i have at least one tattoo // i have blue eyes // i have dyed or highlighted my hair (have before but it isnt dyed rn) // i have gotten plastic surgery (only top surgery) // i have or had braces // i sunburn easily // i have freckles (not so many rn bc its winter) // i paint my nails // i typically wear make-up // i don’t often smile // i am pleased with how i look // i prefer nike to adidas // i wear baseball hats backwards

HOBBIES AND TALENTS: i play a sport // i can play an instrument // i am artistic // i know more than one language // i have won a trophy in some sort of competition (i mean technically i got a participation trophy in primary school but that doesnt count) // i can cook or bake without a recipe // i know how to swim (im not fast but i prolly wont drown) // i enjoy writing // i can do origami// i prefer movies to tv shows (not a huge fan of either tbh) // i can execute a perfect somersault // i enjoy singing // i could survive in the wild on my own // i have read a new book series this year (several actually. love reading) // i enjoy spending time with friends (??? sometimes yes but also socialising is a lot of work) // i travel during school or work breaks (wish i had the money to travel more often) // i can do a handstand

RELATIONSHIP: i am in a relationship (is a qpr) // i have been single for over a year (?? idk define single. i dont date but also. qpr.) // i have a crush // i have a best friend i have known for ten years (literally the only ppl ive known over 10 years are my family) // my parents are together // i have dated my best friend (i was 14 and it was a very bad decision) // i am adopted // my crush has confessed to me // i have a long distance relationship // i am an only child // i give advice to my friends // i have made an online friend // i met up with someone i have met online

AESTHETICS: i have heard the ocean in a conch shell // i have watched the sun rise (i dont get up early but sometimes i stay up hella late) // i enjoy rainy days (i think i was meant to be a worm) // i have slept under the stars // i meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // i enjoy the smell of the beach // i know what snow tastes like // i listen to music to fall asleep (sometimes but not often) // i enjoy thunderstorms // i enjoy cloud watching // i have attended a bonfire (hehe fire) // i pay close attention to colours // i find mystery in the ocean (man who doesnt. ocean's massive)// i enjoy hiking on nature paths // autumn is my favourite season

MISCELLANEOUS: i can fall asleep in a moving vehicle (not easily but ive done it) // i am the mom friend ( i always have bandaids and snacks but i also advocate for all reckless decisions) // i live by a certain quote // i like the smell of sharpies // i am involved in extracurricular activities // i enjoy mexican food // i can drive a stick-shift (i cant even rly drive an automatic. i should not have a license) // i believe in true love // i make up scenarios to fall asleep // i sing in the shower (maybe if i lived alone) // i wish i lived in a video game // i have a canopy above my bed // i am multiracial // i am a redhead (why isnt this next to blond) // i own at least three dogs

I'm gonna tag @tea8j and also if u see this and want to do it feel free to pretend like I tagged u lol

[iridescentis]

Ooh I see

Quick little ramble

I wish I could be for sure like that, I’m also on the aroace spectrum and I do sometimes think I may feel attraction (which is probably platonic but I can’t tell) but in the case it is romantic I can’t imagine having a relationship, and I don’t really know what that is, though I think it might be some flavor of demiromantic plus something else? I can only imagine it with my (close) female friends but despite that I only feel that way sometimes, which leads me to believe I may be somewhere on the abromantic spectrum too (kind of like gender-fluid for romantic orientation) this sucks I can’t figure myself out man sigh

Tldr: I feel like I might sometimes feel romantic attraction but only to close female friends and I can’t imagine a relationship with any

-🧊

Interesting!! I get that! Have you thought about aroflux? Like romantic attraction that fluctuates, sometimes you feel it sometimes you don't, can be vague, something like that?

I totally understand the vagueness of attraction, as an avid alterous attraction haver, it's so damn confusing but eventually I got used to it and I can clock it pretty quickly now, and hey, vague and unconventional attraction is exactly what QPRs are for 😎 But it's totally fine to have some sort of romantic attraction and not want to act on it, you could be lithromantic (attraction but not interested in reciprocation) or just romance/romantic relationship-repulsed regardless of your attraction, it's all very overwhelming and complicated 😭I hope you can figure something out eventually 💕

[crow-ooc]

1, 2, 11?

@trollocs-ooc

1. List 3 shipping tropes you love

hm! this might be a bit more of a genre preference in some aspects, but here we go:

1. NARRATIVE FOILS. always and forever. characters that parallel each other. characters that are opposite of each other. i want the themes. i want the narrative. i love relationships doomed because they could never understand each other. i love relationships that work because they still try. anything that ties into themes and narratives is already a win.

2. fighting! you know, the type of fighting with the homoerotic tension(tm). i've been a sucker for it for years and it certainly hasn't abated now. this might also factor into why i enjoy pitch relationships- hell yeah, love and violence! how much better can you get than that?

3. BITTERSWEET RELATIONSHIPS. don't get me wrong, i also enjoy domestic aus, but i have a soft spot for angst in the form of doomed relationships (i've said it before, i'll say it again). one is dead and the other is alive. the lines they'll cross just to reach each other. the love is there and everyone can see it. i like my fair dose of miscommunication or just general "they could never work like this".

2. List 3 shipping tropes you don’t love

i usually don't read a lot of tropes that i don't like, but i'll go and see what i have. hmm...

1. power imbalance. this one is one i avoid at pretty much all times, usually. it just rubs me the wrong way usually. subject to change if executed well and with thought to how characters would react under such circumstances.

2. ...soulmates... but i can make exceptions if the fic is good enough. i just don't like the idea of being destined to love that person- it should be your choice.

3. broken and the one who "fixes" them - hurt/comfort is nice, but when it becomes the whole basis of their relationship that's when things start getting iffy.

11. Opinion on platonic ships?

ABSOLUTELY. all for it! as an aroace-spec person, my preferences for romance and ships switch sometimes, but platonic ships never get old. again, i'm fond of narrative foils and qprs- we can never have less of those! romance really is overrated.

not to say i don't love romance as well, it's just that romantic ships outweigh platonic in so much media. i do wish there was more emphasis put on them- platonic love is just as important as romantic love.

[bison-appreciation-club]

Favourite colour and why? blue. it's so comforting and relaxing. also lilac, teal and green.

Five comfort movies: i think i've watched about five movies in my entire life, so this should be easy. the paddington films are the ultimate comfort movies for me (i'm counting them as one film). also back to the future, annie oakley (the 1935 version, NOT the musical) and night at the museum. i know this isn't really a film, but ken burns' documentary 'the west' was such a comfort watch for me, until it wasn't. i don't think i could watch it again. it went from being so relaxing to soul destroying. i was heartbroken by the end.

Favourite season and why? autumn. i love the colours of the leaves and how crunchy they are when they fall down. the smell of bonfires. my favourite festival: samhain!

Favourite book(s): a century of dishonor by helen hunt jackson. the lord of the rings trilogy by j.r.r tolkien. circe by madeline miller. i read so many books it's hard to choose but i think those are my top three as they also sum up pretty well the things i actually read. 1066 and all that is always a good read too.

favourite aesthetic(s)and why? i have a whole aesthetics blog, so i am a BIG aesthetics girlie. i like naturecore, dark cottagecore, warmcore and whismygothic, and i went through a cowboycore phase too. we don't talk about it

Favourite genre and why? of fiction books - probably fantasy or cosy crime. of tv shows - i mostly watch non fiction.

Favourite clothes style: i love finding outfits that look both historical and modern. i have a lot of blue dresses in a style i can only describe as 'casual victorian'. think of little house on the prairie. most of the time my outfits comprise of tracksuit bottoms, baggy shirts and hoodies.

Favourite music genres: l listen to most music genres and i can't choose. probably folk

Favourite artists: this is going to be a motley crew, but here goes: pet shop boys, five iron frenzy, steeleye span, will wood, hozier. yeah, that's quite a lineup

Favourite song(s): probably something that i was sung as a young child (i'm nostalgic like that). wand'rin' star is the one that comes to mind. shenandoah and wild mountain thyme too

Favourite fandoms: i think the only fandom i'm actually active in is bbc ghosts

Hobbies: writing (sometimes), reading, researching, walking, drawing, painting, creating moodboards

Care language you give: listening to people. and hopefully giving good advice

Care language you like to receive: gentle hugs, and people listening to me talk about my interests

Are you an introvert/extrovert/ambivert: introvert

Morning or night person? night. i'm definitely a night owl. most mornings i'm either asleep or wishing i was.

City, country or suburbs and why? country, but veering more towards suburbs. i live in the suburbs, but it's still super busy as i live right next to a main road and near a motorway, and it would be nice to live somewhere quieter and calmer. i love nature too, so living in the country would be lovely. i'd still want shops, a doctor's, a library, etc in walking distance tho. maybe a large village?? my grandparents live in a large village and it has the nature AND the shopping facilities!! (it recently opened the cutest little cafe too)

Favourite time of day and why? 5-6 pm. it's a good tome to go walking

Do you have any religious beliefs(don’t have to answer if not comfortable)? celtic reconstructionist pagan. but i don't really actively participate in worship. it's just a nice thing to have around

What does your ideal family look like to you? me, a partner (romantic relationship or qpr?? idm), a larger pet and a smaller pet (like a cat and a rat?? mostly because i love both but partially because the words rhyme)

Dream future: ooh, that's a tricky one. hmm. idk, the future is intangible, and my wishes change with time, so i think to set my heart on something that has not yet happened is to set myself up for disappointment. i would like to have a big house though.

Dream place to visit: i'd love to visit denver! you all probably know that by now *sigh*. i'd also like to visit iceland, or go back to norway again. i'd like to go to the south of france too.

Favourite type of nature: all of it

Favourite habitat (eg jungle, desert, tundra etc): deciduous forests

How would you describe yourself in 4 words: what did you say?

If you could be another thing on earth what would it be: tree. *chanting softly* tree tree tree

Favourite type of weather: balmy summer evening

If you could travel anywhere right now where would it be: denver :]

Do you have any fears (serious or otherwise): the steady march of time.

Dream job: telly historian

Would you be a pirate/vampire/cowboy/astronaut/werewolf/wizard/witch/knight/cryptid and why? COWBOY COWBOY COWBOY hehe. no competition there i'm afraid. i don't think i could be trusted with magic, or with a boat, or with going into space. i like the cowboy look, and i'm interested in american history

gosh, that was long. tagging @gooseberry--fool, @veradragonjedi and @justanothercatastrophe (i'd love to get to know you better)

@its-a-hare-pom-pom thank you for the tag!!

Favourite colour and why? blue - it reminds me of the sea, it feels calm and sad but happy too. I like the sound of the word. I also love pink, because it's a happy and bright.

Five comfort movies: i don't really watch movies...

Favourite season and why? winter! i like when it's cold and you can wrap up in blankets; i like those really cold mornings and cold nights and the frost and ice; less people are out when you go to parks/outdoor places; there are several things that can't happen in winter and those things give me anxiety; i have work and while it's stressful, it's not intense like other parts of the year

Favourite book(s): Villette by Charlotte Bronte, Frankenstein by Mary Shelley, Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte are my top three

favourite aesthetic(s)and why? I think 'cottagecore' is pretty cute, or like, space aesthetics or 'arty' ones - oh, and like, horribly gaudy rainbow ones. Idk all the proper names but those ones just appeal to me

Favourite genre and why? It depends on what it is, but I'll talk about books because TV tastes are just - random. With books, I like 'literary' fiction, classics, historical fiction and short stories too? I guess I like the analyse stuff when I read, to look at the layers and structures, and I find those genres lean more easily towards that.

Favourite clothes style: honestly shifts between girly dresses and fluffy coats to dungarees, oversized shirts and DMs

Favourite music genres: most of my favourite artists fit under the 'indie' category somewhere

Favourite artists: Florence and the Machine, The Killers, The Wombats, King Princess

Favourite song(s): King by Florence and the Machine and Battle Born by The Killers

Favourite fandoms: BBC Ghosts ❤

Hobbies: writing, drawing, reading, walking

Care language you give: acts of service, I guess? or being a willing listener? idk

Care language you like to receive: willing listeners?

Are you an introvert/extrovert/ambivert: introvert

Morning or night person? i'm less anxious in the morning but i'm also awake most of the night so...

City, country or suburbs and why? suburbs. basically, i like where i live, the balance between having green space but also having easy access to towns/shops/cities

Favourite time of day and why? between 8:30 and 9:30pm, because day anxiety is over and night anxiety hasn't fully begun

Do you have any religious beliefs(don’t have to answer if not comfortable)? not really

What does your ideal family look like to you? me, a gf and many many guinea pigs? maybe a daschund (if i get over the fear of dogs)? and friends too? (and ofc some of my actual family now)

Dream future: no idea, can't see a thing

Dream place to visit: I'd love to go to Geneva, Brussels or Iceland, but realistically, I'd just like to go back to Haworth or Lulworth (or, lbr, the Isle of Wight)

Favourite type of nature: I like flowers, the sea and cliff tops

Favourite habitat (eg jungle, desert, tundra etc): the ocean and forests

How would you describe yourself in 4 words: awkward, anxious, serious, creative?

If you could be another thing on earth what would it be: something inanimate, like a rock

Favourite type of weather: sunny but cool (or snow, but i feel bad for saying that 😁)

If you could travel anywhere right now where would it be: Haworth

Do you have any fears (serious or otherwise): everything? dogs, house fires, burglary, the future, people in those mascot costumes, social interactions etc.

Dream job: who knows

Would you be a pirate/vampire/cowboy/astronaut/werewolf/wizard/witch/knight/cryptid and why? cowboy, i guess. i like the hats

I'll tag @sonnet-of-anarchy @thelastplantagenet @thatgordongirl @breitzbachbea @athelstan-anglecyning if you want to do it

[aroaceconfessions]

being a romance-favourable aromantic is so confusing — and while i know that this isn’t intentional, it’s also hard not to feel alienated from the aro community. it was so much more difficult for me to admit and realise that i’m aro, simply because all of the aro posts and memes i saw were centred around romance repulsed aros.

which isn’t a bad thing, it’s great that many romance repulsed aros have found their way to the community because of that, and i think there are definitely more romance repulsed aros than favourable, and i also think that the world being built around heteronormativity and amanormativity and monogamy is exclusive and i’m glad that people who don’t want those kinds of relationships have a place to talk about it — but i feel so conflicted over it, not being able to relate.

i’m a sex repulsed ace and it’s why i spend much more time in the ace community— because, unintentionally, it’s also very centred around sex repulsed aces (which— to sex indifferent and favourable aces, i promise that we see you — and i’d love suggestions on how to be more inclusive), which i can relate to. i just wish i had a little corner of the aro community that i could do the same w/. i’m romance favourable and also what i think is called a partnering aro (would like a romantic relationship or qpr) and also poly. i just… it’s just, all of those posts that ask ‘how to know if you’re aro? a guide’ and none of them that i’ve seen say anything like ‘you don’t get crushes and you want to be in a romantic relationship’. which definitely isn’t a fault of those posts or anything — i know that most of them are trying to help questioning aros with like, discerning what attraction even is, you know?

i just. i guess that i just feel lovely sometimes. i’m so happy that i’ve found labels and identities that i’m comfortable w/ and they feel like they fit me. it’s just… i don’t think i’ve heard of romance favourable and partnering aros (by that, i’m excluding posts w/ passing mentions or those that simply list the term — this is not a criticism of those kinds of posts, btw), even less have i heard of said aros in romantic relationships and happy. i mean, we definitely need to talk more about romance favourable and indifferent aros and or aces more, but i guess the point of this confession is… i know what i want, but i’m scared that no one will want me, no one will want me as i am.

it’s just— are there any other aros like me out there? who want romantic relationships and can see themselves in them, despite not experiencing romantic attraction? who are in romantic relationships and happy? i’m honestly scared to even ask this, because honestly, it’s scary knowing that you want a traditional sort of ‘happiness’ (a romantic relationship) when you don’t have the feelings that are supposed to accompany that, you know?

[sekallman]

A rant about being aromantic as well as asexual while being a teen

It sucks dude. I feel behind and a part of me doesn’t care, but another part of me is going, “WHY ME?!”. And some of it, at least for me, is in part due to trauma, and also lack of attraction. Sometimes I just wish I could feel something, you know. I also don’t want to be in a qpr with anyone, but I just want friends. The problem is due to trust issues I’m scared to hug them and stuff, so that causes me to get a bit touch starved, even though I could just ask. Everything is just scary. I do love my friends in the most platonic way and that’s it. They are truly wonderful people, but I wish I could...well fit in more sometimes. I know that it’s sappy and honestly not the best outlook to want to fit in, but I just wonder what it feels like to fit in, or perhaps everyone is just faking it regardless. I’m a bit sad and scared my friends will leave me for their partner(s), though I don’t think they would, as one of them is dating some peeps and they’re really chill and equally care and I guess I’m scared that I’m just not loved by my friends. I think they do love me and I have this tendency to give to much and never relax because I’m just a people pleaser. So overall, I’m just a lil’ lonely and sad and I wanted to rant on here because people seem pretty chill.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

(cw sex/romance)

i’ve suspected for years now that im aroace, and i feel like it’s time for me to work on accepting that part of myself, but i feel like i don’t see a lot of people that feel the same way about being aroace as i do?

i really wish that i could experience sexual/romantic attraction, not because society tells me i have to, but because i want to be able to trust someone in a way that would allow for that sort of intimacy. and the thought of never getting to experience a relationship like that is incredibly upsetting to me because i’ve wanted that so badly for so long. in theory, sex and romance are things i want, but any time someone has expressed interest in me i get uncomfortable or i just straight up ignore it

i know qpr’s are a thing and that they work very well for some people, but im…not sure they would for me? i’m not someone who makes friends easily, and when i do make a friend they almost always have a romantic partner already, so it feels like a qpr would be out of the question with them

i’ve IDd as bi for the past few years, at least outwardly, but deep down im pretty sure that’s not true. i really wish i could accept that i’ll likely never have a sexual or romantic relationship with anyone, but i just want to be able to experience that sort of intimacy with someone and i almost feel like im betraying myself for not being able to feel that sort of attraction

idk i tried to express this to an irl friend once and he basically said that me being upset that im lonely could never compare to the loneliness you feel when a romantic partner breaks up with you and like. it just made me feel awful so now i’m kinda scared to talk about it with irls and i didn’t know where else to go

Oof, yeah that's not a super supportive response from your friend (breakups can definitely be hard, but there's lots of different types of loneliness, and it's not a competition, they all suck).

It does sound a bit to me that it's not romance or sex you're craving, but close intimate relationships. You can definitely get these through friendships, though it can be a matter of finding the right person. We live in a society that definitely devalues platonic relationships, but in the past really close intimate friendship were very much the norm, and while today you have to find someone interested in them too, those people do still exist. I think in general there's a lot of people out there who feel starved for really close platonic relationships too, but it can be a matter of finding and connecting to them.

If you don't feel like any of your friends are interested in those types of really close friendships, then casting a wider net may be the best way to find what you're looking for.

Making new friends is hard, it's not just you. But it is also a skill you can improve on. My big advice is the best way to make friends is to put yourself in situations where you're regularly interacting with people casually, if it's somewhere related to an interest of yours, even better. (So for example if you like knitting, you can see if there's any local knitting clubs you can join.) It can also help to put yourself out there and take risks in being rejected, but you'd be surprised how often people respond positively.

If one group doesn't work out, move on to another.

Otherwise it's totally OK to feel lonely, and to want that kind of intimacy and bonding you get with people you're really close to and have made yourself vulnerable to. On top of everything else, I'd also really recommend trying to do more to connect to aro stuff. Follow aro people/aro blogs on social media, join aro communities (like discord servers, forums like Arocalypse, in-person meetups if available), read aro media.

I think sometimes it can be really beneficial to just normalize aro-ness and see other aros who are also living their lives and how they go about it.

All the best, and good luck!

[rainbowvamp]

9. love triangle

Oh love triangles. 

I’m going to be honest, I don’t understand traditional love triangles anymore. Once I was introduced to Polyamory as a concept, I just didn’t understand them, so… how about instead of writing about a love triangle, we write about a triad. 

Which triad? Oh which triad? There are so many to choose from! Merwaincelots, I’m saving something up for Merwaincelot week. I want to talk about Merwencelot. 

Gods I love Merwencelot. The three of them standing together before Lancelot’s little knight’s trial? It means everything to me! Their little interactions as Gwen is getting ready to make him a little knight’s outfit?! Lancelot asking Merlin if they’re together! I can’t stand it! I could burst with my love for this triad.

Ik, Arthur is supposed to be Gwen’s great love or whatever, but never once in my life have I cared about what is canon less than I do about Arthur’s canon. 

Gwen brushes on both Merlin and Lancelot canonically. Lancelot crushes on Gwen canonically. If you want a love triangle, how about Lancelot and Gwen are Together and pining for Merlin. How about Gwen and Lancelot sitting together and talking about how they got together, reminiscing a year or so later (nothing bad happened, Lancelot became a knight and never left Camelot), and Lancelot is like “yeah, lol, I thought you and Merlin were together when we first met, but when I asked he said no.” And Gwen is like “I only wish we had been together. Tbh, I still fancy him. Just a bit.” Because they have the secure sort of relationship where she can say that and Lancelot would not freak out about it because he’s a Genuinely Good Guy. 

And Lancelot’s like, “Actually, kind of same.” 

And then they have this little secret shared between them about how they both have a little crush on Merlin, and Merlin is absolutely oblivious. They start leaving him little gifts, and he things “aww, my friends are so nice.” And they’re like, “… yes. We are so nice.” And they do not correct him because they are his friends and they are nice.

And Merlin never develops feelings for them, because aro, but he does love them a whole lot, and so he just… moves in with them one day. “Are you sure I’m not imposing?” 

“No, never!” They both say, and they are so so so happy! Gwen and Lancelot are married at this point, obviously, and he’s their housemate/bestfriend/secret crush. What could go wrong? 

And nothing goes wrong, really. Merlin is happy to be so near his friends. He does magically openly in their home without fear of being walked in on at any point. He sleeps in a separate bed for a while and then the winter gets really really bad and Lancelot very gallantly offers to sleep in the middle of the bed so Merlin can share their warmth (as though this is any real hardship to him or his wife). 

Merlin gratefully accepts because warming spells only last while he is awake and it is freaking cold!

Merlin curls up with his back against Lancelot and when he starts snoring Gwen and Lancelot share one soft kiss because they’re just so glad that he is close to them.

They share the bed for a couple more nights through harsh winters and Lancelot wakes up with Merlin curled around him on the third morning. Gwen giggles about it and Lancelot and Merlin are both blushing, but it’s goodnatured embarrassment. It’s pretty clear that it’s not that big of a deal for Lancelot when they go about the morning and nothing has really changed except sometimes Lancelot smiles a little brighter and Merlin relaxes and doesn’t worry about it and goes to go do whatever he’s doing in th castle because at this point there’s no way he’s Arthur’s manservant, but I don’t care enough to come up with another thing for him to do. 

And Gwen and Lancelot gush about it and Gwen asks Lancelot if it was good, and he tells her it was just as nice as waking up with her in his arms! So cute! 

I know you’re thinking this doesn’t sound like a triad yet, but wait. Wait.

QPR. Queer platonic relationship. Merlin is like “when you guys have a kid, I call dibs on second dad.” And Merlin is really really really surprised when Lancelot and Gwen are both like “duh. What did you think you’d be?” 

It makes Merlin all glowey to think that his friends think he’s good enough to be a third parent to their maybe one day child. 

One time when Lancelot has to go off to battle or something, he asks Merlin, basically begs him, to look after Gwen if for any reason he can’t return. Merlin’s like “me? Are you sure?” And Lancelot gives him this look that he has obviously borrowed from Leon because it is very long suffering and says, “yes, you Merlin. You live in our house; you share our bed; who else would I trust with this?”

And Merlin kind of suddenly gets in. 

Oh, wow, okay, he’s kind of with them, but not with them. It’s complicated. He can see that it is very complicated. But it is a good complicated. He likes it.

They should have a conversation about it, but Lancelot is riding off to battle and so that’s probably not going to happen anytime soon. 

He and Gwen have an awkward hour or so before Merlin admits what’s bothering him and Gwen is like “Yeah, you’re just like an extension of us? We aren’t together, but… I mean, we sort of just fell into this really good thing and I know you don’t love us romantically, but you love us and you live with us and you’re a part of our family.”

Merlin promptly cries.

He hugs Gwen and he sleeps with his head on her shoulder.

Lancelot was right, because it just as nice as when Lancelot holds her. 

When Lancelot comes back from battle it is very late at night, Merlin and Gwen are already sleeping and it’s the whole “married man walks into his wife in another man’s arms” scenario, except he is so happy and when he starts to undress for bed Gwen wakes up and looks around a bit with half closed eyes and when she sees Lancelot she smiles and tells him just, “he’s ours.” And goes back to sleep.

Lancelot climbs in the bed beside Merlin instead of Gwen and holds them both.

Merlin wakes up in the night to complain that he’s hot and makes Lancelot go back to the middle. 

Lancelot climbs over him in high spirits and they all go back to sleep. 

The end.