#this is my personal canon that you can pry from my cold dead hands.

[abittersweetthing]

#grabs wild animal* this here is a friendly lil guy innhe? *animal is biting hissing and spitting*#<- thats how he made friends with bruce (via @ivebeenghosting)

Some Kansan things I think Clark and the other supers from Kansas would say or do, by a Kansan:

Yee Yee: an exclamation said before one does something exciting, such as hunting, fishing, or shotgunning

Ope let me squeeze right on past ya there, sorry

Yeehaw: definitely said while flying around.

Have overly weird "salads". I don't even know how or why they are classified as salads, but that's what we call them. (Smth like lime jello salad)

Clark as a teen has definitely tried weed. There is jack fucking shit to do in KS but fight and do drugs (in gas station parking lots). That's how he knows drugs don't work on him. He tried them.

Aldis.

Brooding in fields.

Trader Joe's!

They all know way too much about different types of grass. Just going to school in Kansas does that to ya.

*grabs wild animal* this here is a friendly lil guy, innhe? *animal is biting, hissing, and spitting*

Yes to the overly politeness, even if they don't like someone. But if they don't like someone, it's passive aggressive. So, so passive aggressive.

That's all I can think of for now. There are probably more.

[vampyretaemin]

i simply cannot live in the reality where roosterteeth may be retconning rvb seasons 15-17. i cant even consider that thats what theyre going to be doing bc season 15 is my child and my best friend and i cant take much more

[suniside-crossing]

man i just had a thought

what if the outline of vox's left eye is a different color, because it's a permanently damaged portion of his screen that's warping the color?

what if it was the fight with alastor that valentino eluded to in ep. 2 that did it?

[lukasadss]

My apologies for the people that followed me in my good year and a half -ish long run as a fanartist, I'm falling into the oc pit again dgsh

[deepdisireslonging]

Cake or Cookies

A good round of sexy texting during girls’ night leads to sexy personal time when Bucky gets home.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x curvy!Reader

Warnings/Promises: food mention, descriptions of injuries (canon-level), dirty talk, sexting, SMUT, oral (both receiving), implied further smut

Word Count: 3080

Note: They can pry the Avenger Apartment/Tower from my cold dead hands. Everything’s fine, everyone is fine; what trauma? Why can’t we have nice things? I went hunting through some of my lost prompts and found a couple to squeeze together. Happy reading!

Girls’ night in the Tower was bound to be dangerous. It was usually when Natasha came up with the next round of pranks to play on the boys. And when Wanda took it upon herself to create the best pillow fort to watch movies in. Her magic made it easy to pile the couch pillows and blankets into what looked more like a cozy cave than a fort. And Maria kept track of where to find any films not already stored in Stark’s library.

You were in charge of snacks. Drinks were cozy only: tea, hot chocolate, and coffee. Alcohol parties were for other nights. Snacks ranged anywhere from home-made chips to hors d'oeuvres (fancy and simply indulgent), to the smorgasbord of mass produced favorite snacks you raided from the corner bodega. But you were stumped when it came to tonight’s desserts. The bodega’s sweet treats were present, cheap candy and the like, but you were stuck between the roll of cookie dough and a box mix for cupcakes.

Stumped, you didn’t acknowledge the warm body that ghosted up behind you until a hand slid across your waist. “It’s girls’ night. What are you still doing here?” Sitting down the treats, you turned in Bucky’s arms and scratched your fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck.

He lightly kissed your forehead. “Needed a break from Tony. Can you blame me?”

“Not at all.”

You both inhaled deeply, cheek to cheek. The last mission had been a rough one. Most of the team had come back banged up. And you still had a nasty scrape of road burn up one leg. Which is why you were wearing the equivalent of biker shorts. Pepper had gotten them for you sometime after the social media trend of those leggings ladies liked to tease their S.O’s with. They were surprisingly supportive of your form. You usually wore them underneath your gear because they were borderline indecent. But, with one of Bucky’s oversized shirts covering your figure, nobody had commented.

Except for Bucky as he slid his hands down your body to rest over the curve of your ass.

“I thought these stayed out of sight?”

You teased a glance up at him. “Usually, yes. But It’s girls’ night. We all wear the equivalent of our pajamas since you boys will be out. You are all going out, right?”

He nodded. “Yes. Eventually.” But he didn’t move. He hugged you closer, brazenly tilting your head to one side with his nose so he could kiss the underside of your jaw.

“Y/L/N!” Natasha waved from the living room. “Are we ready to go, or what?”

A smile spread across your face. You lightly pushed Bucky away, making him whine. Natasha was already starting the voting poll for the evening’s movies when you turned back to the counter. “I’ve got to bake before the party starts. Do you have a preference for what sweets you’d like to be left over? Cookies or cupcakes?”

Bucky pressed up behind you, resting his large hands on the counter on either side of you, and griding his front into your ass. “Cookies. There’s enough cake in this kitchen already.” He slapped your ass, following with both his hands taking tight squeezes of your flesh.

As you gasped, he rushed out. The wink he shot you from the door warned you that the tease would not be the evening’s last.

Fifteen minutes later, the cookies were out, the movie was in, and everyone was settled into their favorite pile of pillows.

Five minutes into the movie, the texting started.

Lover Boy <3: “How’s the movie?”

You rolled your eyes as you turned your phone on silent. If Okoye heard your phone again, you’d never get it back. “We’re watching Magic Mike. So… It’s going well.” You added a smiley face with its tongue sticking out for good measure.

Bucky’s messages popped up every few minutes. You kept your phone screen towards you to see the notification light up your screen without bothering the other women.

Lover Boy <3: “Should I be jealous?”

You: “Nah. Their gyrating doesn’t do it for me.”

Lover Boy <3: “Good to know.”

Lover Boy <3: “Is there anything in the movie that does ‘do’ it for you?”

You smothered a chuckle into your blanket. Each passing second that you took to come up with a teasing reply was surly wreaking havoc on your man.

You: “Maybe. Who wants to know?”

His reply was slow in coming. When it did, you almost fumbled your phone into the floor.

Lover Boy <3: *image incoming*

The picture you received was of Bucky’s hand resting on the top of his thigh. They were out to dinner somewhere, the edge of the table blocking your photo view from the rest of the guys. In the curve between his forefinger and thumb, his bulge was the center of attention. You stuck a sucker in your mouth to cover up your gasp. But the other ladies were too busy hooting for the first dance scene to notice.

You: “Just him? I must be slipping. Especially since I thought you really liked my shorts earlier.”

Lover Boy <3: “I like those shorts because I like taking them off. Girls night got in the way.”

You: “You’ve got to come home sometime.”

Lover Boy <3: “Then what do you have in mind?”

You turned off the flash for your camera and waited for the TV screen to illuminate your face. Sucker holding down your tongue, you sneaked the pic. Before any of the girls could see and tease you. While it sent, you sucked on the round sugar treat. You imagined Bucky’s cockhead on your tongue, as you knew he would too. His reply came in seconds.

Lover Boy <3: “Minx”

You: “And?”

Lover Boy <3: “When I do get home, I’m going to taste something sweeter. All night long.”

Lover Boy <3: “If you can handle it.”

Biting your lip, you smiled into your blanket.

You: “We both know what I can handle. But can you handle what I want to do to you?”

You: “Bet I can blow you so good you forget how to speak Russian before morning.”

You: “Actually, bet I can make you forget all your languages.”

Lover Boy <3: “An official bet?”

Now it was dangerous territory. Neither of you would wager anything that would show in public. Or bring attention from the team inside the tower. But Bucky’s winnings had a steep cost on your ability to walk the next day. Yours usually meant him taking a few days off to spend time together in some distant cabin.

You: “Do we have time to disappear to the Rockies when I win?”

Lover Boy <3: “We just finished a mission. I’m sure I can convince Steve to leave us alone… at least for several nights in a row when I win.”

It was on.

He played dirty by escaping to the bathroom to shoot you a picture of his cock. It was already thick for you, proud and flushed in his palm.

You also escaped. But the picture you sent didn’t require you to take your clothes off. All you did was tug down the front of his borrowed shirt, and splay your fingers wide between your breasts.

You: “Can’t wait to squeeze you between these.”

Lover Boy <3: “9hey now…”

Good. His texting was already stumbling.

You: *picture incoming*

All you did was rest your hand over your throat. But Bucky’s reply of a bunch of scrambled letters made you laugh. You returned to the movie.

You: “Can’t wait for you to get home. But we’ve got about 3 more hours of movies to watch. Think you can last that long?”

Lover Boy <3: “If I have to. Might have to take care of myself before then.”

Wanda looked over as you squirmed in your seat.

You: “You can’t wait for me? I’ll wait for you.”

When the movie lit up enough, you took a picture of the pillow between your thighs.

Lover Boy <3: “Promise?”

You: “Say please.”

His reply, despite the distance between text and actually hearing his voice, dripped with promise. You bit your lip, hearing his growl in your head.

Lover Boy <3: “Since when do get to make the demands around here?”

Lover Boy <3: “Please.”

You: “Since I’m home. Away from the consequences of mouthing off at you till later.”

Lover Boy <3: “You’re not sharing this conversation with the ladies are you? You’re not usually this… sassy.”

You: “This sass is rated E for everyone. But, no. This conversation is just between us.”

You: “I have to stop texting. Natasha is beginning to notice.”

Lover Boy <3: “Until I get my hands on you:”

It was several minutes until you checked your phone, waiting for the others to drop their questioning looks. When you did, you had to smother your moan. He sent one last picture of his tongue out between his fingers. A promise of delectable problems to come.

***

Somebody texted the guys when the movies were almost over. They arrived halfway through you girls cleaning up.

“How was the double feature?” Tony asked. He snagged a remaining hors d'oeuvres off the tray before Maria could stick it in the fridge.

You didn’t hear the reply. All you could focus on was how lust-blown Bucky’s eyes were as he stared you down from the other side of the room. You pressed your thighs together. If the way your chest heaved was any indication, you were in for a long night. Steve barely gave you a glance when you walked past him. Bucky gliding past made him give your departure a second look.

The hallway to your room was dark. The lights that illuminated the floor wouldn’t engage fully unless there was an emergency. Which meant that your shadow was faded against the wall. And it was fractured into several clusters of shadows at reach installation. You didn’t look back. It was part of the game. You couldn’t hear him, but sometimes you could have sworn your shadows had an extra layer.

When you reached for your door handle, another hand beat you to it. Bucky pressed up behind you, pushing you into the room and pinning you to the inside of the door as he locked it. He slid his knee between your legs. Fascinated, he enjoyed the show as you slid the apex of your thighs across the muscle he gave you. He stopped your movements with a hand on your hip, while the other lifted your wrists above your head.

“Did you actually wait, or was that a tease?” He reached into your shorts, groaning to find your slick there. While you trembled, he loudly sucked his middle finger into his mouth. “Oh, ангел, I am going to ruin you. For teasing me like you did.”

“You – you started it. Technically.”

He brought one of your hands down to rest over the front of his pants. “Maybe. But you laid down the gauntlet. How do you want to do this?”

With a grin, you wriggled out of his grasp. You walked backwards towards your bed. Bucky stalked slowly after you. Turning, you ran your hands down your sides, to your hips. And back to the curve of your ass. “Cake?” You smoothed your hands up from your rear to your breasts. “Or cookies?”

Bucky groaned. “The whole damn bakery if I can get my hands on it.” He guided you onto the bed, crawling over you in a way that stole your breath. When you tried to roll him onto his back to begin the challenge, he chuckled. “Nuh-uh. Challenger goes second.”

“But-“

He silenced you with a kiss. As he deepened it, hands kneading into your flesh and removing your clothes, your rebuttal died on your tongue. He barely pulled back enough to remove his own clothes. It wasn’t long before he was working his mouth down your body, kissing and sucking and nipping at your skin until he made it to your sex. 

Sometimes part of the challenge included a timer. Like that one gala when he dared you steal away with him during Tony’s speech, and cum before the ending round of applause. With his head buried under your dress, he won with enough time to participate in the applause for a speech you didn’t give a damn about. You didn’t find out till later that Steve had kept track of when you two disappeared and reappeared. Bucky wrote the time on your bathroom mirror as the time to beat. It had yet to be broken.

Tonight wasn’t one of those times. There was all the time in the world. All night to edge or overstimulate each other to your hearts’ content.

Breathing warm air over your sex, his grin between your thighs sent a ripple of goosebumps over your skin. You weren’t sure which was more disarming: his knowledge of your body and its sweet spots that he could make you cum in minutes, or that same knowledge used to bliss you out over hours till you couldn’t remember more than screaming his name. With his tongue, he began the challenge. As if you weren’t soaked already, he made a mess of you. Curling his fingers through your folds. Delving his tongue deep in search of the ability to taste you for days. When he scraped his teeth across your clit, the electricity tightened your fingers in his hair.

He wasn’t drawing this out. A man on a mission, Bucky was doing everything he could to bring you to the brink as fast as he could. The speed that you hurtled toward release stole your breath. That was his plan. Shock you while trying to beat his time so that you wouldn’t be able to speak. And then he’d win double the bragging rights.

And, damn him, it might just work.

Hungrily, he slurped up your pleasure. Adding a third finger to his onslaught, he curled them all to make you see stars. His metal arm flashed out to pin down your hips before you could arch away from him. The metal was cold, frigid, against your flushed skin. The difference in temperature was enough of an overload to your sparkling nerves that your eyes screwed shut. You babbled a series of sounds, making Bucky hum in delight.

But when he came up for air, gently stroking your folds to ease you down, you surprised him.

“Is that all you got, Barnes?”

“Fuck. Seriously?” He rested his cheek against the inside of your thigh.

You did your best to steady your breath. No point in revealing those six words were all you could manage. After another moment, you curled your own finger. You summoned him to hover over you, dangling his dog-tags in your face. Catching one between your teeth, you gripped and pushed his shoulders until he was on his back.

It was your turn to kiss down his body. Across his collar bone and pecs. Down that center chasm between his abs. From one hip bone, down his V, and up to the other side. As you took his length in hand, you had to smile. The poor man should have let you pleasure him first, instead of torturing himself and his cock with waiting. Gently, you circled your thumb around his tip. It dragged a groan out between his teeth. Good. The more vocal he was, the better you could track his ability to speak. Or lack thereof.

You set the challenge into the back of your mind and got to work in pleasing your man.

The first movements were gentle. And careful around how sensitive he was. Still, each touch and twist kept his voice active. He tried to watch you, but kept dropping his head back in pleasure as you quickened your movements. While he was laid back, you shifted your position.

His head snapped up, and he cursed loudly in Russian as his cock was enveloped between your breasts.

Darting out your tongue, you kitten licked the tip of his cock when it came into range. It gave you no small pleasure to watch your man, the Winter Soldier and former Commando, fall to pieces because of you. He cursed louder in English, Russian, and… was that German? But the more you jerked him between your breasts, the more his vocabulary scrambled together. You waited patiently. His metal hand twitched towards to before fisting the sheet. His flesh hand reached back for the pillows, sheets, headboard. Anything to ground himself. Then you struck. You let go of your breasts and dipped low enough to swallow him down. He roared as he bumped the back of your throat. Planting his feet on the bed, his thighs trembled with keeping himself from thrusting into your mouth.

That was fine. You moved enough for the both of you. And, just as his Russian was little more than the most strained of curses, you settled his balls into one hand, and slid the other up his torso. Your nails lightly caught his skin over his heaving breaths.

The high-pitched hiss from the depths of his lungs was your only warning before he filled your mouth.

Your ministrations slowed. You took every ounce of his pleasure, and smiled around his cock as you sucked your way off his length.

He dragged you up to bury his face in the crook of your neck. His lips trembled while trying to say something. Anything. But all he could do was pant into your skin.

You smiled. And kissed the underside of his jaw. While you both recovered, you murmured gentle reassurances between breaths.

“You cheated,” he finally managed.

“Oh? When did I manage that?”

Running his fingers through his hair, he stared you down. “Those damn shorts.”

With a laugh, you nipped at his chest. “What? You did get to take them off, like you wanted. And I can’t help it if you decided to run your hands all over me and get yourself hard. It jazzed me up too. So, in my mind, we’re even.”

“Fine.” He tilted up your face to kiss you. Mumbling against your lips, he complained, “you’re using alotta words there, ангел.”

“And you’re still capable of Russian.”

Bucky grinned. “Then I guess this challenge isn’t done.”

And it wasn’t until long into the night.

***

Ангел: angel

***

Masterlist

Marvel Masterlist 

[abejaenacuarela]

"PRINCESS" HARROWHARK AND GIDEON THE UNDEFEATED... This is very fucking niche and I might be the only person that would care about this (so reblogs even more appreciated than usual) but.... Griddlehark (tlt) Malevolent (podcast) AU.............

✨✨✨

dialogue from Malevolent episode 47

•do not repost• shares appreciated • sketch, yellow version and close ups under the cut

Griddlehark malevolent AU,,, in which ¿investigator? harrow gets possessed by kiriona, a piece of an entity (can't decide if said entity is John, the King in yellow [BC of his personality and connection to Gideon], or Alecto, the Queen in yellow [BC she kinda sorta IS an elder god in tlt canon]. In whichever case the creepy yellow eyes just WORK).

only similitude between Harrow and Arthur might be the parent trauma. And the ghost/demon/possession shenanigans (they both get possessed every five minutes it's so... Funny? Sad?? Funny?). And the sword/chest plate/ knight aesthetic (Arthur just got a rapier like an episode ago!!!!)..... And the religion/god/faith issues. But still. I got obsessed with this idea and I had to draw it. You can pry this concept from my cold dead hands... If anyone GETS it please let me know, otherwise I'll just feel like I'm losing my mind......... Okay bye....

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I really like how this one turned out the only problem is I think harrow didn't turn out looking harrow-like. Idk what it is. Something in the vibe idk.

I was using the word search function to see if anybody else had talked about a tlt/malevolent connection and I found this post which called me out greatly. And also this one.

[crackersandjuice]

EVBO???? EVBO YOUR FUCKING MIND HOLY SHIT???

pvpciv the lore the LOREEEEEEEE. oh my god. Oh My God. i have. So Many Thoughts. like. Like. this is going under a cut i need to Ramble.

why are the shields grouped with the swords. parrot didn't mention anything about them fighting with the other civs so maybe they allied with the swords??? or the other groups also send them there as punishment??? but the first one is probably more likely because shields can't do damage they can only defend. also sword and shield imagery ya know.

(side note: i am So Glad guard friend "raymond" pvpciv doesn't know shit lol. my guardbo heart couldn't take it if he was yet another person that betrayed evbo.)

and why the fuck can't the swords use multiple items!! is it like a trade off with the whole netherite thing?? they can become immortal but they can only use said source of immortality as a weapon. does that make sense i hope it makes sense.

the memory loss!! if players aren't spawned into their civilizations and are instead spawned out into the world, maybe swordciv wipes their memories so they don't want to leave. but that in turn just makes their lives a living hell because they fight each other AUGH. just don't make an economy y'all don't make your society have to pay for shit with the very thing you need to live </3

TABI. TABI FUCKING. HER. IM LOVE HER. i am Not abandoning my found family goodness you can pry that from my cold dead hands but!! her betrayal OH that was so good. she either does have some attachment to evbo or she probably has some further use for him if she spared him like. maybe she's trying to goad him into following her?? idk why she would but it's a possibility!

what else...OH YEAH the animation! qdandy chef's kiss i am eating it up like a bowl of spaghetti.

oh god...oh god my fics are gonna be soooo non-canon compliant. test drive lovers we live in ignorant bliss over in that au o7. but!! i am also Very Very excited to explore the new lore in other fics. this bouta make my "evbo gets turned into a spectacle" au go wild.

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

I love neurodivergent headcanons for Ed as much as anyone - you can pry my AuDHD Ed headcanon from my cold dead hands - but I am asking White authors to think about the racialized aspects of Ed's experiences.

I know it's not relatable for White authors, but a lot of things I often see pointed to as signs of Ed's neurodivergence are just...the brown man experience. He doesn't like random White people touching his beard, for instance? White people feel entitled to touch our bodies, I'm not shocked Ed flinched away when that happened to him in s1e5. Ed flinching away from sudden touch, too - Ed's a pretty touchy guy, but he just doesn't like angry White men getting all up in his face. Almost every other fan of color I've talked with, no matter our own neurodivergence headcanons, usually interpret things like this as just Ed's experience of racialized interactions instead of neurodivergence.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to project your own experiences onto characters! But I do think it's wise to consider how they could come across when you're writing about a character of color, especially with traits that are contradicted by canon. I understand that it might be tempting to write about an ADHD Ed who has trouble keeping a tidy space or staying on top of self-care tasks simply because those are things you find relatable, but those are things that canon Ed explicitly does not struggle with. It makes me uncomfortable to read about a brown man who apparently can't keep his space clean, can't maintain his own personal hygeine, and who needs a White babysitter to get anything done. What's relatable to a White audience can be just reinforcing harmful stereotypes about men of color.

[wordy-little-witch]

I am now hip deep in the Edge of Midnight campaign from legends of avantris and lemme tell you some shit -

1) I would lay down my life for Jericho Sticks without any hesitation. Torbek and Jericho are my sons now, no takesies backsies.

2) Lethica and Marius are so perfectly aligned to be end game lovers but I personally adore the idea of them being queerplatonic if only bc it's funny to watch people be confused and I think Lethica would adore that.

3) you can pry the concept of Briggsy having a some kind of magical fantasy cellphone equivalent from my cold dead hands - sending stone or smth idfk - and he's been keeping his buddy/boyfriend Torbek updated on all this like "Becky you would not BELIEVE what happened today-" ((listen I know the flirting bit between them in the yuletide one-shot was a feycurse but leave me alone it's funny as fuck))

4) briggsy @ jericho in ep 24 appropos nothing: Jerry, maybe we have to kiss ((sad, silly twinks with Literal Darksides are his type /j))

5) I have a friend-crush on Nikkie and I will never recover

6) I have an unyielding NEED to have Jericho get a final hit on a boss and yell yeehaw

7) I know stylistically Jericho doesn't have "skin" but I personally hc that his clothes aren't effectively his skin, he has a burlap body - and he has "tattoos" in the form of embroidery. It started when he had to stitch up his own cuts and stuff and he just kept it up.

8) Only Yorgrim has any constant sense of cooking in an actual kitchen-like setting. Farryn, Marius, and Briggsy can do journey or on-the-road cooking, but it's never.... great. Lethica burns everything somehow or gets the bright idea to 'experiment', and it's never good - she's fine if she's got clear end goals. Jericho is understandably skittish around fire due to his body and straw, but he is the closest to being able to cook well and do so semi regularly.

9) Virgil is a weird mix of a hater and lowkey overprotective. He does hate being imprisoned, but also he's kinda bound here so he HAS to keep this disaster of a bard safe. He refuses to admit he might have a soft spot. He is Stressed.

10) Farryn doesn't get the appeal of Girls Nights, but Jericho does!!! They join Lethica for some fun relaxation. Briggsy once asked why Jericho was allowed since he's also a dude, and Lethica just responded "he's allowed to be there - on account of him being a scarecrow and not a literal man after all." It's an inside joke which later has to be explained - Jericho is nonbinary but doesn't rightly care about stuff like that.

11) Yorgrim is the group dad, no I will not explain.

12) sometimes after a battle, Lethica and Marius will help stitch up some of Jericho's tears. Farryn may also add in random flowers she finds around because it makes him happy.

13) Briggsy is small but mighty. The only person he has yet to pick up and carry is Yorgrim - he swears that one day that tombstone will be gone and he'll be able to do it. It's all the rock's fault, he's sure of it.

Spoilers under the cut (caught up to present)

OKAY so I am caught up completely and have decided that Canon is not important leave me alone

• Yorgrim did not die - he got wounded heavily but survived.

• Farryn almost got taken but they got to her in time. She is mute for a time due to injuries and trauma - idk if she ever talks again bc we could use more sign language in the world. Maybe it comes and goes, fuck if I know, idk and idc

ONWARDS TO SILLIES

• Lethica strong armed her way into giving Jericho The Talk after he revealed he had no idea what a penis was. Scarecrows cannot blush, but apparently his fiendish glow can ebb and flow and he glows much MUCH brighter when he's embarrassed - she tries so hard not to laugh.

• Adella and Jericho btw are simply besties. His "crush" on her is a friend crush and Phillip just finds it painfully cute. ((Also -> Jericho has mommy issues and Adella always wanted a son/nephew/little brother. Peaceful alignment))

• Dark Mode Marius is a colossal flirt but still a giant dweeb. He's cool and suave until someone flirts back - then he's a mess.

• Briggsy is very happy with his Kannon & makes "shooting my shot" jokes at every and any opportunity

• Yorgrim, with his reward, manages to finally lay many souls tonrest but he still carries the tombstone on journeys - just not constantly now. He still believes he must pay penance, but it's a little easier to share the burden.

• Farryn, with her own reward, has not chosen to activate it yet. Something tells her to wait, to bide her time and remain. She does, however, get a little more at ease with the others. She and Jericho have come to an understanding, too - that being they they are a package deal, no takesies backsies, and they refer to each other as twin, much to the confusion of many, many, many people. WLW and NBLM solidarity.

• Jericho is pining HARD for Marius, but he's absolutely terrified of damaging the friendship so everyone is watching two oblivious dummies look longingly into each other.

• POLYAMORY POLYAMORY POLYAMORY

• Marius grows rather fond of Virgil, and the sentiment is very much NOT reciprocated bc this angry knight vampire is not good enough for his vessel and he's mad about it.

• Yorgrim: I've only had my friends for a few days, but if anything happened to them, I'd kill everyone in Druskenvald and then myself.

• I fully expect for Jericho to somehow befriend an enemy in disguise, not realize, and accidentally fuck up the evil plan with the powers of puns, music and friendship (/j)

• the first time the party sees Jericho presenting more feminine, he's been lended one of Lethica's dresses after his own clothes got torn up and the rest are being washed. Marius has a nosebleed and faints. Briggsy is staring somewhat respectfully. Lethica is trying valiantly not to laugh. Farryn and Yorgrim regret not dying when they had the chance.

• Marius: i cannot have a relationship because I have sworn to follow the duchess of sin

Lillith: whoa hold up, Do Not use me as an excuse to avoid the cutie pie over there. Besides, he has a demon. I'm queen of hell. I can make a small exception.

Marius: shit

• Briggsy Bi Icon: OH if ONLY Jerry here had a DASHING KNIGHT to SAVE THEM from this PERILOUS INCIDENT

Jericho: captain, I'm just getting off of a horse??

Marius: no no Briggsy has a point, no maiden should be unaccompanied or unassisted. Allow me-

Lethica&Farryn: We Know What You Are

• Yorgrim is watching all this inter party flirting and is definitely wondering if he's gonna have to have an aside with everyone about flirting tactics and communication skills. Briggsy is making it worse by enabling everyone.

• Farryn gets some sweet, succulent healing, that is all.

[inkyarcturus]

give me all your headcanons for snape nEOOOOWWW (pretty please 🤎)

Okay so I think I’m going to break this down into chunks because I have a LOT of thoughts so here’s the first chunk :D

TW: for child abuse?

PRE HOGWARTS:

it’s pretty much canon that Sev came from an abusive home with an alcoholic muggle father and a pure blood mother.

Personally, I believe that his mother Eileen Prince was disowned by her family upon marrying Tobias. Although at first they were a happy couple, Eileen becomes pregnant with Severus and reveals to Tobias that she is a witch. Tobias, coming from an era where witchcraft is demonized and realizing the drain that a child has on his finances, becomes abusive.

Eileen tries her best to keep the abuse from Severus as much as possible, leading to her stopping herself from using magic as she believes that would just anger Tobias even more.

Severus is absolutely a mamas boy as a child and you can pry that headcanon out of my cold dead hands. He would do anything for his mama, growing up hearing stories about Hogwarts, magic and the legacy of the Princes, it was all he had to stay sane. Whenever Tobias was out of the house for extended periods of time, Eileen would brew with Severus as well, usually healing potions.

He would often be seen wearing his mother’s clothes because of the families lack of funds but also just because it was a way to connect with her.

The first time Severus uses accidental magic was to help his mom avoid Tobias, blasting him unconscious. It’s a mess of emotions for the rest of the night. Eileen is panicking, worrying about her husband’s health and her own but also trying to celebrate Severus’ magic so he knows magic isn’t bad (pure bloods are aware of obscurials). Severus is in tears worrying about his mother’s injuries, unable to understand the situation. Eileen calms him down enough to get him to agree to never tell Tobias about this incident.It happens again more times afterwards.

Severus is sensitive as a child, always crying despite his father’s anger towards his tears. He becomes agitated with himself, being unable to control himself. His father’s words haunt him every time he cries.

He goes years without any friends, not going to school because of his magical status, but still being allowed to go out to play and escape his fathers grasp.

The kids usually don’t like him cause of his poor hygiene, odd clothing and even stranger words. He’s rather intelligent for his age, but being raised in an abusive household has only taught him vulnerability is weakness and everything is a threat.

When he meets Lily he learns how to let go of his shields. He’s made his first magical friend, someone who doesn’t mind his clothing, or hair, or overall oddness.

He goes over to the Evan’s family house at least once a week. Lily’s parents constantly fuss over him, asking if he’s alright or need food or clothing. He constantly denies it because he doesn’t want to burden them, or have them look too closely at his home life

Eileen is so grateful her son has a friend she is brought to tears wherever she hears Sev talk about Lily (which he does, a lot). Whenever she knows Tobias will be out of the house she’ll ask Sev to bring Lily over so all three of them can make potions together.

Petunia is less receptive of him, constantly starting arguments with Lily over why she even talks to him, but generally leaves them alone to stay in her room.

Sev was always quiet as a child, he would play silently whenever on his own, keeping his thoughts within his imagination. His preferred method of play, pre-Lily, was organizing objects. He would organize them by color, shape, name, then mix them back up and start again.

With Lily he would let his imagination run wild, playing the part of dragon, knight, prince and spy, usually acting as a helper to Lily. They call each other sun and moon. He sees himself as a reflection of Lily’s light. His self esteem will only get lower as the years progress.

Occasionally, Lily would get extra allowance (Lily’s parents purposefully gave for Sev) and they would go to a corner store to buy sweets. I imagine he has a pallet for less overwhelming sweets, like matcha flavoring, but as he grows older he convinces other people he likes bitter sweets the most. I think he has an appreciation for berries the most.

Hope you appreciate these :D think took almost an hour to write and I keep on wanting to add more but this is honestly already too long :,)

Side note I just realized I can’t do multiple posts on one ask? So if you want the second chunk can you please send another ask :,D

[justporo]

Since writing about Gale and Astarion trying to work together prepare a surprise for Tav I've been kinda thinking about how Astarion's relationship with the other companions would be. So I thought about some

Platonic headcanons about Astarion and his relationship with the companions

(I do hope I don't stray from events or things in the game, but be warned, I might go off the canon path and follow my own personal imaginations)

Gale and Astarion: ah, a love-hate relationship I'd imagine; do they piss each other off? The whole damn day. Do they respect each other and actually kinda like each other despite of how different they are mostly? Yes. Would they admit that to each other? Never, not over their dead bodies.

Halsin is someone Astarion actually deeply respects. Firstly because they are the oldest of the bunch and that makes for some mutual understanding. But Halsin also understands some of Astarion's struggles and traumas very well. And Astarion, although he probably wouldn't say this, admires the composed and caring way the druid has seemingly adopted to cope.

Shadowheart is kind of a hard nut to crack for Astarion. He doesn't get her, she won't let herself be charmed by the vampire and seems to make snide remarks about him whenever possible. He can kinda respect that last part. And once he finds out that she is rather prone to gossiping they can rather frequently be found sticking their heads together and making snide remarks together.

Jaheira also is someone Astarion can actually respect. She's done and achieved a lot in her life and seems to have never lost her bite (pun intended). Also he might be hurt at first by her brutal honesty that sees right through him and his play - but it turns out, he feels really seen by her.

Karlach and Astarion are just chaotic sibling energy all around. Karlach wants to try something? Astarion is right there spurring her on. Astarion is doing something stupid? Count on Karlach to call him out and afterwards laugh her ass off.

Wyll and Astarion might not be the biggest friends but they do find solace in talking about life in the Upper circles of Baldur's Gate. (Also Astarion has some admiration for Wyll's devotion but you can pry that fact from his cold dead hands)

Lae'zel and Astarion might not be awfully close in an emotional kind of way but they have deep mutual respect for each other. Lae'zel respects his lust for revenge, violence and blood. Astarion respects her pragmatic way that often involves having to cut down lots of enemies.

At first, Astarion doesn't really approve of Scratch's company. But the dog doesn't stop trying to get him to throw his ball. So, sometimes, when no one else is looking, the vampire can be seen playing with the stray (albeit wiping off the dog's spittle from the ball on Scratch's fur) and sometimes even scratching the creature behind its ear

Also can you imagine (and I might turn this into a drabble) how the companions would gossip about Tav and Astarion not being very subtle about their... fling? I'd love to see that.

[out2pasture]

FANTASY HIGH: THE REMIX - a next generation au

Adaine + Oisin - The O'Shaugnessy Twins, Ophelia is a Draconic bloodline sorcerer and Puck is a very maryanne-core wild magic barbarian (I think it would be really funny for 3 wizards (Zayne would help raise them ofc) to have to try to figure out how to raise 2 kids who are inherently magical and explosively so).

Fig + Ayda - No kids of their own but the Manor/Library is a safe space for kids who need it and theres this one young teifling, named Argo, they've basically adopted who is a cleric of Ankarna.

Kristen + Gerty + Tracker - Gerty is trans and you can pry that from my cold, dead hands, their son, JB is a Cassandra Paladin. He eventually multiclasses into Swarm Ranger. Kristen was the person who carried the first time and vehemently refused to do it again, so Tracker did it the next time and they had a little girl.

Gorgug + Maryanne - its canon that Gorgug FUCKS, so they have 2 kids already and an egg they trade off who carries it on them in a baby bjorn to incubate. Maryanne works making cozy games. Gorgug is the Artificer teacher and the tutor for 'uncommon' multiclasses and is 100% uncle Gorgug to the entire party, A Jawbone type if you will.

Fabian + Mazey - They have a whole passel of artistically inclined babies, the oldest of which , Boann, gets to Augefort first and is The Bard of all time. Shes giving the princess who was kidnapped by pirates and is slowly becoming a member of the crew, she plays fiddle and dances.

Riz - He grew up to be a PI and while he doesn't want a partner hes always wanted to be a dad so when he found an orphaned Goliath baby while investigating the disappearence of said baby and their parents, he adopted Pock "Juno" Gukgak Junior who is a rogue just like their dad.

((You guys can pry Fabian and Adaine being really ademant about having more that one child out of my cold dead hands too, Adaine wants her kids to be there for each other the way Aelwyn was for her (after she finished being evil) and Fabian doesn't want any of his children to feel as lonely as he did growing up.))

Additional notes:

- Jawbone adopted Adaine, Aelwyn, and Kristen after he and Sandra-lynn got married, Kristen is the only one who kept her last name

- After Tracker came back they hunted Gertie down and explained polyamory to her and convinced her to go to therapy for her weird temper and attachment issues

-Tracker and Kristen are nesting partners and Gerty used to come and go, but she became a much more constant presence once kids entered the picture

- Adaine and Oisin didnt get together until the end of college when they reconnected, they were in couples therapy from the beginning just in case

- Gorgug's kids are either not old enough to go to Augefort yet or a few years ahead of The Party, but next year his 2nd youngest will enter in a party with The Littlest of the Applebees

- Mazey proposed to Fabian via dance recital, they are the hot older couple you can spill all the tea to

- The O'Shaugnessys, Applebees, and Fayeths live in Mordred Manor (the fayeths' bedrooms are in Leviathan at this juncture),the Seacasters live in Seacaster manor, and the Gukgaks live right next door to the Seacasters.

- Puck is trans and Ophelia is hard of hearing, theyre both just as autistic as their parents.

- Argo has a prosthetic leg

- JB picked Cassandra for himself, Kristen would never pressure him one way or another and neither would Cassandra.

- He also has the BIGGEST crush on Puck

- Boann has crippling Eldest Sister syndrome, but would rather die than ask for help.

- Juno is basically a humanoid jungle gym for their father, it comes with the territory of being twice your dad's size before you hit puberty. Riz will either stand on a table or make them crouch down to reprimand them, "Pock Pila Gukgak Junior, come down here!" Is a common refrain in their home

- Ophelia only uses her magical hearing aids when she's at school or in combat, all of Mordred Manor, knows Spyre sign language so she's very rarely without an interpretor, Augefort himsef created an archanotech professional interpretor for classes. Her party members also know or are learning SSL.

Edit:

Changed Pock Juniors nickname to reference another Nonbinary PI that i hold dear ;)

Edit 2:

Finally finished Junior year and made some adjustments accordingly!!! Im so obcessed with Gorgug and Maryanne!!! Also did some clarifying about a few things! Soon everyone will have names, not just Juno

Edit 3: Names!!!

Adaine: Ophelia and Puck O'Shaugnessy

Fig: Argo Firethistle (their human parent is a gnome)

Kristen: Jawbone "J.B." Applebees-O'Shaugnessy-Bladeshield (a big hypenated name is very lesbiancore IMO)

Fabian - Boann Seacaster (I really wanted to name her Terpsichore but Brennan beat me to that one)

Riz - Pock "Juno" Pila Gukgak Jr.

[howlingdemon13]

Betelgeuse I was hugely inspired by a bunch of artists and fic writers in the fandom, as well as a few monster artists who specialize in combining different creatures into beasts that actually look cohesive. I’m not sure how well I was able to execute the vision here, but I’m really proud of it regardless! DiamondZ, nonbinary-arsonist, stinkyhorsebitch, and arbuzyansky were the main catalysts for this, so definitely take a peek at their work or give them a follow. I was initially going to submit this guy for a staff art show, but I don't want to rush the rest of it, so I'm just going to post what I have finished here. Design notes are under the cut.

In earlier drafts, I was looking into more serpentine-looking designs since Beetlejuice turns into a snake in the film. Some of the concepts I was leaning towards looked like either a lindworm or centipede, but I think mammalian fits Musicaljuice since he’s “softer” in a lot of aspects compared to his film counterpart. I may look into playing with a more snake/bug-like design in the future. Beetlejuice’s overall look is heavily inspired by Chalicotherium goldfussi, which were huge Miocene ungulates that are distantly related to things like rhinos and tapirs. Given that Beetlejuice is super old, I felt like an extinct animal was a proper fit. On a more personal level, I really like the way these guys look and it was easier to rework their body plan into something that looks carnivorous. That, and I wasn’t really vibing with other mammalian body plans, especially because I wanted something that was close in shape to a human without being apelike. Huge herbivores also have larger stomachs, which I feel is a better analogue to Beetlejuice’s body type. You’ll have to pry that man’s curves from my cold, dead hands. All his forms are chubby and soft, and I’ll fight you over it in the Denny’s parking lot. I also added some hyaenid traits, especially for the head shape and teeth. Hyenas are very social animals (like Beej, except no one can see him), and striped hyenas and aardwolves specifically have these tall crests of fur that run down their backs and back legs that they can raise and lower to communicate. I’d argue it’s fitting since Beetlejuice’s hair sticks up at odd angles and communicates his mood (intentional or not). And hyenas laugh. Granted they giggle when they’re stressed, but it still fits. I modeled his stripes off of both species as well. His hind paws, ears, and tail are all based off of those of opossums. Beej is very “trash animal”-coded, and I felt like the opossum traits would fit better with the Chalicotherium body than something like a raccoon or skunk. I felt a little bad about not giving him a ton of bug traits, so I tried to add mandibles, but they just weren’t looking right in earlier design drafts. I gave him a bunch of small eyes to compensate, but making him look buggy wasn’t the only reason for the extra eyes. We know from early drafts of the musical script that Beetlejuice’s last name is Shoggoth. These creatures are mentioned by Lovecraft in Fungi from Yuggoth and At the Mountains of Madness, but I’m not sure if this implies that Beej is a shoggoth, or if it more so refers to him being able to manifest multiple limbs/shapeshift/warp reality like one. In that same vein, the mouth in his chest is mostly to look scary and is just another fun little Lovecraftian trait that I felt was needed. Same to the tendrils, but that’s also a common fandom trait that is pretty much canon (to me) at this point. I might rb this with headcanons later on.

[gamerbearmira]

Cryptid madrigals au-

I forgot to add, whether you get a gift or not, you're going to have some kind of ability no matter what, thanks to Alma's genetics.

So, what I've heard about the moth man, he can swipe people off their feet as he flies into the darkness.

Therefore, Mirabel is strong enough to lift people up without an issue while flying. She's not as strong as Luisa, but she can lift people up if need be. Only two at a time of course, maybe three if she's pushing it.

She's also really fast when it comes to flying. So, there's no point in running if you piss her off.

Mothman is described as being a human-bird hybrid larger than a normal man. So, Mirabel is taller than people her age without the amulet.

Canon Mirabel is 5'2, so in this au, without the amulet she's probably reaches her abuela's shoulders or a few inches above them.

Proximity to the Mothman causes confusion, extreme fear, and psychological distress that can last months and lead to death or insanity.

Mirabel can do that too but only with intent and so far, she hasn't been given a reason to kill anyone. She only needs to cause confusion, extreme fear, and phycological distress to villagers who need a humbling lesson. (I'm sure she probably gets this trait from Alma tho)

There's a movie called "Bodysnatchers" and basically these aliens take over people's bodies, and if these aliens know you aren't one of them, they'll point at you and scream.

Seeing as Dolores is a banshee, I can imagine her doing that. And from what I've read,

"Banshee, (“woman of the fairies”) supernatural being in Irish and other Celtic folklore who's mournful “keening,” or wailing screaming or lamentation, at night was believed to foretell the death of a member of the family of the person who heard the spirit."

So, give her a reason to scream if you want to, YOU are someone you care about is going to meet the maker in the clouds.

But let's be clear, no madrigal is a killer, if you don't prove as an actual physical threat to them, you'll just get "visits" at night to scare you into being a little nicer.

MORE STUFF YIPEEE❗❗

I'm not surprised that they get abilities. I mean Alma has some, so it's exoected that even without a gift, they have some kind of ability tied to whatever kind of cryptid they are. Her powers are pretty rad though, and you can obviously see where she gets her height from 💀💀

Dolores screaming is so real. I imagined she probably burst a couple ear drums, especially in her younger years when random grown people would just sneak into the house. Homegirl is trying to get sime water and some random dude is in Casita being tortured by Pedro 😭

Night visits, so real <\\33 ALSO. Is Mariano is in this au?? Or like the Guzmán's in general??? And are the cryptids too. Like. I need a reason 🙏🙏 silly idea where there are, albeit very, very few, cryptic families in the Encanto. Again, not many, and they aren't big families either. But they're at the very least known to the Madrigals. Idk, I'm spitballing again 🦀🦀

Dolores and then random drawings. Mirabel can't wear shoes, just ribbons, and Antonio acts a lot like an animal given he's a chimera. I also read that most chimera's breath fire so. Do with that what you will 💀💀 and then Félix, cause why not 🧯

You'll have to pry this damn family tree out of my cold dead hands because I genuinely love editing it to fit other aus. Like any given chance I WILL do it, even if its low effort 🙏

[year2000electronics]

about yer mario hottakes im rollin in with thoughts on the mario-luigi dynamic.

i've heard so many people go back and forth between them having this 100% perfect brotherly love VS. mario is evil and hates poor baby luigi but i think that maybe it's just they're both complex characters and mario deeply insecure

like that tennis scene where he grinds luigi's foot after luigi wins instead of him. when your whole livelihood revolves around being the kingdom's favorite boy it makes sense you might lash out at being upstaged even if that's fucked up as hell to do to anybody. and while luigi's allowed and expected to outwardly express his fears (at least from diary entries i've seen in the paper mario series and luigi's general "coward" persona), who the hell is listening to mario? he's probably seen how shit people treat luigi for being vulnerable anyway (we play as mario usually witnessing all this and like. bros are real yikes to luigi), so i'd imagine the bottled up bitterness at the world is hard to contain. resentment towards luigi for being emotionally open, resentment towards the denizens of the kingdom for treating his brother like crap when mario probably wouldn't be too different if it wasn't his job to be

i'd imagine the moments he cant contain his cool like that are deep regrets. sure, luigi would forgive him, but can he forgive himself? can mario contain himself long enough to not wig out, especially with everyone watching him 24/7?

idk if this is super off base, i don't go to this school. but imo put mario in therapy, you can't be strong for everyone all the time. you're just some guy

YEAHYEAH i think even if the middle section is YMMV i do agree with the general idea that "the bros' relationship is more complex than 'they love each other' or 'they hate each other'" . like ok. being the most BANAL of canon-compliant here to reel back my own insanity for a second. it is canon that mario gets a bit competitive with luigi/his friends! we see multiple art pieces/cutscenes depicting this

because they are siblings. and im gonna be so real here i latch onto any sort of flaw mario is ALLOWED to have due to his status as Mascot so you can pry "mario gets a bit too competitive" from my cold dead hands

he's also shown to be a bit impatient if he percieves something is taking too much time

(from super mario sunshine)

(from bowser's fury)

(from luigi's mansion 1)

so i definitely see his stubbornness and impulsivity clashing with luigi's careful methodical approach.

ALL THAT TO SAY. i think even if you're just playing by the rules, i think you don't have to JUST go for one extreme or the other. i agree. the rest is purely speculative fanon applying some depth to a character who functionally does not necessarily "need" it.

(but my personal playground space interp of mario and luigi absolutely has this sort of clashing dualism where both bros are really stressed out with the hand that life has given them and they're always thinking "my brother doesn't know how good he has it" but they love each other despite that, and that love makes them not want to talk about how they really feel, and that makes it WORSE, etc etc etc)

[fanby-fckry]

What’s the Deal With the Five Foot Rule?

Day 2 of Ace Alastor Week: No Touch Tuesday

Word Count: 1,868

Chapters: 1/1

Fandom: Hazbin Hotel (Cartoon)

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Additional Warnings: Threats of Violence, References to Alastor-Typical Cannibalism/Violence, Implied/Referenced Abuse

Relationships: Alastor & Angel Dust & Husk (Hazbin Hotel), Alastor & Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Alastor & Husk (Hazbin Hotel), Angel Dust & Husk (Hazbin Hotel)

Characters: Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Husk (Hazbin Hotel), Mentioned Mimzy (Hazbin Hotel), Mentioned Hazbin Hotel Ensemble, Mentioned Valentino (Hazbin Hotel)

Additional Tags: Canon Compliant (mostly), Post-Episode: s01e05 Dad Beat Dad, Humor, Attempt at Humor, Light Angst, Developing Friendships, Asexual Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), Aromantic Asexual Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), Touch-Averse Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), Touch-Starved Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), (both tags are relevant trust me), Alastor is Bad at Feelings (Hazbin Hotel), Alastor Being a Jerk (Hazbin Hotel), Alastor Being Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), Angel Dust Being Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Protective Husk (Hazbin Hotel), Husk is So Done (Hazbin Hotel), Drinking, Drinking & Talking, The Five Foot Rule (Hazbin Hotel), Hunicast References, you can pry the hunicast platonic radiodust dynamic from my cold dead hands

Series: Part 2 of Fanby’s Ace Alastor Week 2024 ( <- Prev || Next -> )

Summary:

“So, smiles,” Angel said, leaning against the bar and nursing a drink. “What’s your deal?”

Radio feedback crackled in the air while Husk frantically made ‘cut it out’ gestures from over Alastor’s shoulder.

“My Deal?” Alastor repeated in a tone that made Angel suspect he’d touched a nerve in a way he hadn’t even been trying to.

“Uh yeah, the whole ‘five foot rule’ thing,” Angel clarified, and watched as Alastor and Husk both visibly relaxed. “What’s up with that?”

*

A cat, a deer, and a spider walk into a hotel bar, get drunk, and discuss the finer points of Alastor’s famous ‘five foot rule’.

Better on AO3

“So, smiles,” Angel said, leaning against the bar and nursing a drink. “What’s your deal?”

Radio feedback crackled in the air while Husk frantically made ‘cut it out’ gestures from over Alastor’s shoulder.

“My Deal?” Alastor repeated in a tone that made Angel suspect he’d touched a nerve in a way he hadn’t even been trying to.

“Uh yeah, the whole ‘five foot rule’ thing,” Angel clarified, and watched as Alastor and Husk both visibly relaxed. “What’s up with that?”

“Oh, it’s quite simple, really!” Alastor said, brightly. “Don’t touch me, and you keep your hands!”

“Right, but…” Angel hesitated. For a split second, he wondered if maybe he should just leave well enough alone.

But between the liquid courage and Angel’s already small threshold when it came to regard for his own safety, he decided to just fucking go for it.

“You’re always all up in everyone else’s personal space,” he said.

Alastor tilted his head in that cute, deer-like way of his. “I don’t follow.”

“Well, take Husky, for instance-”

“Uh-uh,” Husk interrupted. “Leave me outta this, legs.”

“Nonsense!” Alastor said, interrupting Husk’s interruption by physically covering his mouth. “Let the man speak!”

“The five foot rule applies to Husk, right?” Angel asked.

“Why, of course!” Alastor answered. “And dear Husker knows better than to break it!”

Alastor wrapped his arm around a very disgruntled Husk’s shoulders, tugging him half-way over the bar. Husk hissed and squirmed, but Alastor’s grip was evidently a vice.

Which was exactly Angel’s point.

“But you’re all over him right now!” Angel said, gesturing to Alastor’s obvious breach of both his own rule and Husk’s comfort zone.

“Hmm,” Alastor hummed. Alastor pushed Husk down onto the bar and used him as an armrest as he tucked a fist under his chin. “I suppose I am!”

“And it ain’t just Husk, neither!” Angel said. “I mean, Charlie, Vaggie, fuckin’ Lucifer,” he listed. “Me, on occasion…” Although that’d mostly stopped since Angel had a panic attack that one time. Small mercies.

“I’m not countin’ Niffty and Mimzy, ‘cause it kinda seems like they’re exceptions to whatever the fuck this rule actually is, anyway,” Angel continued. “But that’s still a whole lotta people you’re gettin’ handsy with on a regular basis, Al.”

“You do have a point there, my friend,” Alastor mused, while Angel silently noted the upgrade from ‘fellow’ to ‘friend.’ He had no idea whether or not it actually indicated friendship – Alastor called Husk ‘friend’ too – but it was good to keep track of all the same.

Alastor released Husk in favor of polishing off the rest of his rye. Husk’s fur and feathers both stood on end, and he flipped Alastor off on the way to get him a refill. Angel mouthed an apology, which earned him a middle finger as well – but one that had less venom to it than the one Husk had given his boss.

“I suppose the difference lies in who’s doing the touching,” Alastor said, drawing Angel’s attention back to him.

For a moment, the Alastor looked… contemplative. That was the word. Not ‘mischievous’ or ‘vengeful.’ Not like he was plotting the downfall of Lucifer or imagining tearing apart Sinners with his teeth or whatever the fuck Alastor normally thought about that gave his resting face that inherent creep factor.

It reminded Angel of what Mimzy had said. He wouldn’t exactly call Alastor a kitten, but like this, the fucking Radio Demon seemed almost human.

“You were right about Niffty and Mimzy,” Alastor admitted. “They, along with Rosie, are very much exceptions to the rule. But the thought of anyone else touching me makes my skin crawl.”

Angel knew the feeling. It wasn’t one he had 24/7 the way Alastor seemed to, but when it hit, it hit hard.

“It doesn’t affect me if I’m the one doing the touching,” Alastor said, staring into the glass Husk had wordlessly refilled. “In fact, I think it helps… It helps to be in control of things.”

“And you get that control by pushin’ everybody else’s boundaries about touch.” Angel took a drink. “Do you ever think about how that makes them feel?” he asked.

Alastor laughed. And not a showman’s laugh or an awkward chuckle either; full-force, uproarious laughter. Like it was the funniest shit he’d heard in years.

Alastor placed a hand on Angel’s shoulder. “My dear, empathy is not an affliction I suffer from.”

“So you’re a hypocrite,” Angel said without thinking.

Three things happened in such quick succession that it took Angel getting sobered up the next morning to finally puzzle out the order of events.

One: Alastor let his hand drop from Angel’s shoulder.

Two: Husk vaulted over the bar with speed Angel hadn’t known he was capable of and wedged himself in between Alastor and Angel, wings flared in a protective stance.

Three: Alastor started laughing again.

That third thing threw both Husk and Angel for a loop.

“Calm down, Husker!” Alastor said, half breathless with laughter. “He’s right!”

“I’m right?” Angel echoed. Because, yeah, he was. But insulting an Overlord to his face was a stupid thing to do regardless of how accurate said insult was. If he’d said that to Valentino…

“Oh, don’t give in, now!” Alastor said. His radio tinned voice was a welcome interruption to a train of thought Angel really didn’t want to go down tonight. “You were onto something there!”

“Rules for thee, not for me, as they say!” Alastor threw his head back with enough force to break his own neck and fell into a fit of laughter once again.

Angel froze, barely breathing as his mind went a mile a minute trying to make sense of the absolute madness in front of him.

“Oh, stop looking at me like I’m going to bite your head off!” said Alastor, the Overlord famous for eating demons alive.

“You too, Husker.” Alastor punched Husk in the arm in a way that would probably register as playful under different circumstances. “Your attempt at playing white knight is very amusing, but we all know that if I truly wanted to harm Angel, there would be nothing you could do to stop me.”

“I’d die trying,” Husk said so softly that Angel thought he might’ve imagined it until Alastor responded.

“And you would!” Alastor agreed, far too enthusiastically. “You’d make for a delightfully tragic martyr, but there’s no need because this whole thing is hilarious!”

“It is?” Angel asked. Honestly, he didn’t feel like he was in on the joke.

“Of course it is!” Alastor insisted. “Reality has an entertainment value like no other medium! And this” – Alastor gestured to Angel and Husk – “is reality in its purest form!”

“In a drunken bout of honesty and complete disregard for the risk of a painful second death, you’ve given me insight that I never would’ve bothered to seek on my own – and you’ve done it in the funniest way imaginable!”

Angel forced a laugh. “Ya know, I gotta say, smiles, you’re givin’ off some real mixed messages on the whole ‘bitin’ my head off’ front.”

Husk huffed out what appeared to be a genuine laugh. His stance had also gotten more relaxed, and his fur and feathers were no longer puffed up.

“Yeah,” Husk said. “He does that.”

“I do!” Alastor chipped in. “And that bit is on purpose!”

Alastor downed his drink. “It’s been great chatting with you, pals!” he announced, and wrapped Angel and Husk in a disproportionate group hug.

For the first time since meeting Alastor, Angel noticed the way he pinned their arms in place so that neither of them could hug him back.

Alastor released Angel and Husk from his iron grip and immediately darted out of reach – something Angel also hadn’t taken note of before now.

“If either of you foolishly attempt to use this information against me, I’ll flay the skin from your hands, cut out your tongues, and eat your livers!” Alastor said in the same cheery tone you might use to tell a friend to enjoy their weekend plans.

And then he was gone.

“What.” Angel paused for dramatic effect. “The fuck.”

Husk – who hadn’t moved from his spot as the barrier between Angel and Alastor – took a seat in the next barstool over.

Husk shook his head. “Forty-odd years of that crazy bastard holding my leash and I still don’t know what the fuck he’s talkin’ about half the damn time.”

Husk leaned over the bar and reached blindly underneath it. He came back out with a bottle of something strong, so either he found what he was looking for from memory and touch alone, or he got stupidly lucky. Knowing Husk, either seemed likely.

“So,” Angel said, fidgeting with his lower set of hands and talking with his upper ones. “Should I be worried about him changin’ his tune about this little heart-to-heart once he sobers up tomorrow?”

Husk took a swig from the bottle he’d found. “Nah,” he said. “Just stick to his hypocritical five foot rule and act like tonight never happened.”

“Ya know, I meant to ask about that too,” Angel said. “Why does he call it the ‘five foot rule’ if he barely ever enforces the distance part? Why not the ‘hands off rule’ or the ‘no touch rule’?”

“Legs, I just told you I don’t always know what’s goin’ on in that fucked up head of his.”

“Aww,” Angel cooed. “Has the wise old bartender finally met his match?”

Husk scoffed. “I know more about Alastor than I ever wanted to. And it’s still just the tip” – Angel snickered at the phrasing. Husk rolled his eyes before reiterating – “the tip of the iceberg.”

“Honestly, I don’t know if he even knows what’s goin’ on in his own head sometimes,” Husk said quietly. “Until tonight, I thought he liked it better that way.”

Alastor made his way back to his room the old fashioned way – by physically walking there – humming along to a jaunty tune he’d plucked from the airwaves.

He’d learned something about himself! What an interesting turn of events!

You learn something new every day, but after over a century of combined life and Afterlife, Alastor had begun to believe he knew all there was to know about himself.

And this particular insight came with the added benefit of a rather dramatic reveal! Husker – the old has-been – could still put on a show when given the right motivation, and Angel Dust had been a wonderful wildcard to add into the mix!

Alastor wondered if he should examine the information they’d brought to light any further. If he should be asking questions about why he felt so comfortable in his hypocrisy. Why he both craved and despised touch. Why he was more than willing to put others’ comfort aside in order to maintain his own.

But the very existence of those questions brought an itch under his skin. That same crawling feeling that struck him when he felt someone else’s hands on him, like maggots wriggling inside a corpse.

Alastor melted into the shadows, the lack of physical form easing the feeling somewhat.

No, he decided. I think that’s quite enough self-discovery for one day.