#this is my issue. i overthink everything
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My Thoughts on Poppy Playtime Chapter 3
Ollie is ADORABLE!!!! "No ouchies or lost body parts?" HE'S A BABY I NEED TO PROTECT!!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!! (¬‿¬) I have ZERO evidence for this but my theory is he’s The Prototype.
I’m REALLY happy to see the phone Ollie calls the player on is identical to the one in Project: Playtime! It’s nice seeing stuff introduced in Project: Playtime finally appear in the main series.
( ⚆_⚆ ) ESPECIALLY DR. HARLEY SAWYER!!!! WOW THE TAPE FEATURING HIM TALKING TO THE PROTOTYPE WAS DARK!!!! I knew a man like Dr. Sawyer would be a sick and twisted individual since he created the Bigger Bodies Initiative.
Despite that I was NOT prepared to hear the joy in his voice to experiment on children. It was revolting.
This exchange:
Prototype: "You stick us. Beat us. Tear at flesh. Do you feel it?"
Dr. Sawyer: "There is a secret inside you, 1006. Valuable beyond all measure. I cut and prod and burn at it, and I get closer with each session . . . So speak, or don't. Fight, or give in. Regardless, I learn something new about you every day . . . (Laughs) It excites me!"
Prototype: "Thank you."
Dr. Sawyer: "You . . . thank me?"
Prototype: "Absolutely. I learn something new about you every day."
THAT FINAL LINE WHEN THE PROTOTYPE IS MIMICKING DR. SAWYER'S VOICE AHHHHHH!!!!
_| ̄|○ I WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO DR. SAWYER SO BADDDDD!!!!!! He wasn’t around for The Hour of Joy but I hope he suffered.
Leith Pierre: "Normally I'd have Dr. Sawyer do this but he's uhhh . . . out, let's say. So you got me until they find his replacement."
(o ´ _ ` )o The contrast between how Dr. Sawyer speaks to the experiments VS Leith Pierre the Head of Innovation at Playtime Co.
Both dehumanize the experiments in different ways.
Leith Pierre can’t even bother remembering Catnap's real name. He puts on this fake friendly facade. Referring to Catnap as his Pal and Buddy. It's so disingenuous.
Especially when he asks, "Heya Theo! How ya doin' bud?" Pierre could care less about how Catnap feels. It's only when Catnap responds, "The Prototype will save us." That gets Pierre to finally drops the corporate spiel. Admitting to what this place is. Catnap’s prison.
No wonder Catnap worshipped The Prototype after being save when this is what he’s told about his horrific situation.
Leith Pierre: "THIS is your life now. Get used to it."
I absolutely LOVED all the new features for the Grab Pack. The air jet looked SO FUN!!!! Watching people desperately shoot the flare gun against smiling critters in a cramped space WAS SO INTENSE!!! The smiling critter's small growls and whimpers made me sad.
(ʃƪ 〃’▽’〃)♡ The horror in this chapter was INCREDIBLE!!!! While I had fun playing Chapter 2 I remember feeling disappointed by the scares.
CHAPTER THREE HAD ME HORRIFIED!!!! EVERY JUMP SCARE HAD ME FLYING OUT MY CHAIR, THE ATMOSPHERE WAS AMAZING AND AHHHHH THE HOME ORPHANAGE SECTION!!!!!
It reminded me of PT ∑(; °_°) Especially with the radio informing us that in Elliot Ludwig's house it was discovered he HAD THE BODY OF A CHILD IN A DUFFLE BAG!!?!?!?!?!?!
ALSO THAT ONE RADIO'S REVERSE MESSAGE!!!
"8-8-1995 I find your presence intrusive. After all this time you return. You come in here and yet you kill and murder. You pilate and destroy. Your presence was demanded 10 years ago and yet you didn't show up . . . 8-8-1995 You were supposed to be here. Why weren't you here? You missed the event. You missed the meeting. You missed the party. You have no right to be here . . ."
AHHHHHH MOBGAMES KNEW WHAT THEY WERE DOING WITH THE LIGHTING IN THIS SCENE!!!!!
I thought I was going to see MY BOY 😭💔!!!!!!
Huggy Wuggy is completely fine.
Kissy Missy was so sad and adorable in this chapter. Seeing her stare at the picture and hug herself BROKE MY HEART ( o̴̶̷᷄ _ o̴̶̷̥᷅ )!!! She deserves the world.
Catnap acting like a child and avoiding school 😭💔
Miss Delight was a minor spoiler I knew about since people used her face in their thumbnail. However I was NOT prepared for her to act like a Coil-Head!!!!
Theodore being described as antisocial and having a peculiar relationship with an imaginary friend _(:ì」∠)_.
That “imaginary” friend being The Prototype. Who guided Theodore to help them both escape. Only for Theodore to get electrocuted since he was just a child who didn't know how to safely use a Grabpack.
The Prototype throwing away their chance to escape to save Theodore by bringing him to the staff. Showing The Prototype does care in some way.
Only for Theodore to be later turned Catnap.
THEN the player electrocutes Catnap the SAME way Theodore originally received his injuries. The Prototype comes to “save” Theodore once again but this time by making Catnap a part of him AND CATNAP ACCEPTS SO WILLINGLY (˃ ⌑ ˂ഃ )!!!!
It felt like I was watching a religious experience.
I love Poppy Playtime but I do think they show too much in their trailers. Dog day is a great example but even then his scene was *chef kiss*
All the smiling critters crawling inside Dogday as he desperately screamed in agony and for us to run away left me speechless.
I liked the detail of Dogday calling us angel. I'm excited to see all the AUs people create where we save him.
ALSO THE HOUR OF JOY WAS A BLAST TO WATCH!!!!!
I know Poppy is right that it was just senseless slaughter. How all that death didn't fix or help anyone. Especially when it didn't matter if those killed were innocent or not.
However imagining these characters being painfully experimented on and stripped of their autonomy. Going though years of hell and finally reaching their breaking point. It's hard to not feel good for them getting to release that anger. Even if I know it's wrong.
ALSO I GOT TO SEE MY SECOND FAVORITE CHARACTER BOXY BOO YAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!
THERE WAS SOOOOO MUCH HUGGY WUGGY IMAGERY IN THIS CHAPTER AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
I'M GOING TO OVER THINK IT!!!!!! I HAVE NO THEORIES I’M JUST POINTING DETAILS OUT!!!!!!
When hallucinating Huggy Wuggy's face is on the employee training video:
“Join the Innovationists, where the bounds of science are continuously pushed. Or join the Counselors of Playcare, whose diligence and care for our children will help shape a brighter future, just you see.”
“Now every one of you has your part in that future, so should you come back tomorrow feeling unhappy for where you are, or what you’ve done . . . worry not, for your supervisor is here and happy to listen! And . . . should you come back . . . years later . . . your conscience finally getting the better of you. May you descend into the dark and the dust, finding all that awaits you are incomprehensible horrors . . . each hungry for your return, each eager that they might find you. Perhaps they’d smile at you from a shadow, their smiling mouths full of teeth and meat and plastic, watching and waiting patiently for their turn at a warm welcome. Or perhaps they won’t allow you such a time to figure your place in the world you’d left. A world that’s theirs now. Welcome home.”
The video transforms into a manifestation of the player's guilt. Not only for their involvement for whatever they did while working at Playtime Co. but for being gone and returning after ten years.
This is also paired with the player's possible guilt for killing Huggy Wuggy and their fear of him.
The hallucination version being a more exaggerated version of the Chapter 1 Huggy Wuggy vent chase.
When Catnap causes the player to later hallucinate:
Poppy: “Do you even know what’s real?”
Poppy: “No you don’t.”
THEN AT THE END OF THE HALLUCINATION IT SHOWS US THE DAY OF JOY!!!! Which is very odd when you consider two things. We've been told multiple times we weren’t there and during this scene we didn't know what the Hour of Joy was.
So the player hallucinating being in front of Huggy Wuggy’s podium during The Hour of Joy with a large Prototype hand reaching for us IS ODD!!!
ALSO THE TAPE IT SHOWS THAT’S WHERE HUGGY WUGGY WAS DURING THE HOUR OF JOY!!!!!!!
WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!?!?!?!
This is just speculation but perhaps the player's memories aren't as trustworthy as we think. After all we still aren't even sure who even sent us the letter or tape in Chapter 1.
"EVERYONE THINKS THE STAFF DISSAPEARED 10 YEARS AGO WE'RE STILL HERE FIND THE FLOWER"
It’s important to point out the characters from Chapter 2 made ZERO appearance during these hallucinations. Mommy Long Legs, PJ Pug-a-Pillar, Bunzo Bunny and the Wack-a-Wuggy.
Is the Huggy Wuggy imagery used because he’s who we encounter at the start of the game?
OR SOMETHING MORE AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
#Something something something the first key we needed in game was held up by Huggy Wuggy while on his podium.#So is The Prototype in the hallucination symbolizing he's the key to answering all our questions or am I overthinking everything asdnsf;alk#Rambling about my Poppy Playtime Self Insert -> I haven't decided what but something happened to my self insert to cause her memory issues.#She remembers small details from her time working for Playtime Co. but not the experiments.#So throughout the Chapters she's slowly unraveling the mystery of not only Playtime Co. but herself.#Everything story wise plays out the identical in all the chapters except one thing.#At the end of Chapter One instead of the box falling onto Huggy Wuggy. My self insert doesn't pull the box down in time.#Just as Huggy Wuggy is about to kill her. He finally gets a good look at her face.#Which she had hidden in the beginning with a mask + hat and hoodie because of the cameras.#As she ran and descended further into the facility she discarded her disguise.#Once Huggy Wuggy realizes who she is he stops trying to kill her.#Since there's not enough lore about the player's backstory yet I haven't decided why.#However whatever reason or friendship or connection they had she can't remember. Whatever it was causes Huggy Wuggy to not kill her.#During Chapter 2 Huggy Wuggy follows besides her. Helping when he can.#He can't help during the tests however since Mommy Long Legs considers that cheating. Mommy even is confused WHY he's helping her.#At the end of Chapter 2 when listening to the tape about Huggy Wuggy being the optimal outcome.#My self insert feels guilty and worries the only reason he hasn't killed her is because of what they did to him.#However the goof reassures her in his own odd way (pat on the head or a hug) that's not the case. In Ch. 3 he's with Kissy Missy and Poppy.#When Kissy Missy attacks my self insert he defends her (no violence just shoving and growling) but Poppy and I dissolve the situation.#Since Huggy Wuggy can't be protected from the Red Gas I imagine he has to wait with Kissy Missy and Poppy.#As for what history Huggy Wuggy and my self insert have to make him not be violent towards her I haven't decided.#The hallucination nightmare imagery remains the same. Although she feels comfortable with Huggy Wuggy now there's no denying he scared her.#Combined with her slowly remember her involvement and the guilt consuming her. Wondering if subconsciously she always knew.#I'm excited to delve more into their friendship and past. Although aggressive Huggy Wuggy is extremely smart.#Using the vents and escaping the facility. He doesn't act like a lost puppy or anything. He has his own agency.#Despite his hunger and aggression whatever their history is it's important enough he wants to ensure her safety.#Poppy Playtime#MaddyMoreauPost
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I don't know how to feel about this. A post I made days ago has 600+ notes now (which i guess i find somewhat flattering, even though the post was basically just me quoting rick riordan), but I've made 6-7 original posts today. And they've had next to no attention. And as usual for me, i'm overthinking everything and making this a big problem. So just...has anyone seen my new posts today? Because they only have around 1 note each, and my stupid brain wants the validation of knowing they were seen. So just...i hope they actually were seen.
#I know i blow all my issues out of proportion#but i can't help it#i overthink pretty much everything#sigh...#neurotic#neuroticism#insecure#insecurity#insecurities#autism#asd#neurodivergent#my thoughts#autistic#adhd#posts#vent#vents#venting
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kind of weird to realise everybody in my immediate family except me was baptised in the name of russian saints specifically
#like i don't think it's A Problem per se. i don't think Canceling Saints is a worthy thing to put time and effort into lol#but it's like. it's the trust that my parents put into those stories three consecutive times at different points in their life#and much like everything else those stories are inseparable from the russian imperial project#st alexander was a medieval warlord st elizaveta was a relative of the romanovs#and again them being Bad People is not my point. maybe they were good! maybe they were just and kind and pious! they're still a part of it#and i'm probably taking more issue with this than anyone in my family and overthinking#tldr another awkward consequence of colonialism and breaking away from it i suppose#mari rambles
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🌻 ₊˚⊹ ࿔ 🌳
#the weather is so lovely today. it’s breezy and cool but the sun is warm so it’s not too cold or too hot out.#i wish it was like this forever.#ive been feeling so tired lately. physically n mentally & idk if its an underlying health issue or bc i haven’t been sleeping super well#the past few days i wake up in the middle of the night but im able to go back to sleep fairly quickly. but i STILL feel exhausted.#im supposed to talk about my lab results w my doc tmrw on the phone so. i hope everything is okay but tbh i wouldn’t be surprised if#something wasn’t optimal. my iron was okay last time i checked it though. sigh i just idefk anymore.#im sick of everything. im irritable for no reason. i don’t wanna do anything. like anything. i just want to rot in my bed#and even my interests are slowly slipping away from me. writing? couldn’t care less if i don’t write anything for the rest of the year tbh.#reading? i couldn’t even care to browse the shelves when we went to the bookstore the other day and it scared the shit out of me#kpop? meh.#i have a massive to do list and uni starts in a month and i have no energy. + dealing with my own brain and nonsensical thoughts on top#of that. overthinking anxiety all that super great stuff.#im also sick of putting in 110% into my relationships and getting half of it back. family friends whoever. and it makes me so sad. +#i feel like nobody even understands me. or even tries to or wants to.#im just tired#sick and tiredddddd#actually a bit sick too my throat hurts#anyways whatever#it’ll be fine i guess#i don’t want to give up but i don’t have any desire to push through im sort of just. floating. ill deal with it when i deal with it#♡ dear diary…
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I saw from a post about how many asks you have and I was wondering why not just answer one ask then use that as your daily post? (I'm pretty sure you post daily from my memory)
I'm not a writer so apologies if I sound a bit rude or oblivious. But I think you don't do that because it might get tiring to write an in-character response each day.
I'm actually an Insane Person and ideally would be posting hourly/bi-hourly, if only I ever found enough content to queue up in such a manner,,
But, basically the delays can be summed up in three parts: tired or busy (lumping these together as one problem), no idea how to respond just yet (or respond in a way that satisfies me,) or I have ideas but they're art based and take more time.
I do have some wips for some art answers saved I think, but I've got, like, a single commission remaining on my docket and I refuse to let myself do other art until it's finished (barring one sketch I did for the sake of my sanity.... I cannot stress enough how much of a fight it is to get myself to do full shading and backgrounds 💀 mistakes were made.)
Now, admittedly, it's been a minute since I took a crack at writing out some more thoughtful or lengthy responses for some of the asks I've gotten- so far as I recall, at least- but the dissatisfaction problem is Extremely Real. No joke, I've had an ask sitting in my queue for several months now because I was like "yeah this is good enough," queued it, and then just before it could post I was overcome with an Intense distaste for it. I really liked the question and thought I could do better. (And still clearly have not done better....) Writing Kim honestly comes really naturally to me, and I could never really get tired of it, but sometimes an ask throws a curveball at me in a way that I just really cannot quite wrap my head around responding to. Other times, I get asks that I just can't let myself answer in a subpar manner- either the ask itself or the implications of the answer I concoct end up mattering too much to me, so I get super in my head about finalizing the reply.
And then me being tired is just a skill issue. (I'm joking; this only applies to like the last month or so, but I actually started taking some new medications recently that have been messing with me just a little in this respect. Sometimes I get tired, and when they DO give me the pep to do things, I've admittedly been trying to direct that energy into getting my life together lol)
#i really have just kinda been busy lately. doctors appointments- my roommate moving out- SO. MANY. BIRTHDAYS-#so that's also a factor in things. im kinda floundering over here... drowning in an endless sea of shit I need to do to get my affairs in +#+order...#also i am like. an adult. so i have a life that HAS to be tended to in some respects. just kinda tacking that on bc ik some people forget +#+I'm 24. I'm not busy in the way most people my age are but I DO have things I need to do/be doing. (which unfortunately may eventually +#+lead to me being busy in the same way most people my age are. life's a bitch like that. hopefully it wont be an issue though]#i literally overthink everything and it is a Problem. look at how much rambling you're getting just here. insane#i need to go to bed i think im forcing myself to let this be the answer i have for you 💀 if you have further questions i can answer later#asks#anon#ooc#txt#actually just one more little thing. the kim rp/ask blog aspect of this blog was also very much an outlet for me as i was dealing with +#+some really frustrating things in my personal life. I'm still dealing with those things but on a smaller scale now? and I'm also no +#+longer locked into this being my ONLY coping method for it. lately I've been getting back into playing whatever games i feel like- it's +#+been very freeing. in a single session I've apparently gotten 12% of the way through rdr2's story! something i very much wouldn't have +#+felt like I was ALLOWED to do prior to now#(also if this post contains any contradictions. i am a very conflicted and contradictory person. hope that helps 👍)
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Me when we don't speak anymore by bears in trees
#lizzierants#had a sudden unplanned job interview today. i wanted to cry the whole time but managed to keep it together and now the anxiety has suddenly#caught up to me and it feels BAD the sudden thought of that what if my friends just dont actually like me and they like me purely because#theyre worried for what would become of me if they stopped being friends with me when purely of course id be fine eventually but i worry#that cause im on antidepressants people just think im automatically suicidal when something bad goes wrong which is not the case im doing#good i dont want to die but what if all my friends hate me what if this whole time i have loved them so so much and they just tolerate me#someday my friends will die and i had that i hate that someday we wont be friends even if its decades in the future i love all of them with#my heart that sometimes i feel it is overfilling i love them i love them and what am i without them i am everything i have ever loved i am#overthinking however i cannot stop this what if my own best friend is avoiding me? why am i thinking this? what evidence do i have to back#this up? nothing only for the fact my own brain feels as though i love people too much and they are uncomfortable with it i feel awful wtf#i have learned to keep my emotions from people because i dont want them to worry. i dont want people to do something or not do something bec#ause they think it will upset me i want people do do as they please i want to be open for my friends to share their issues i want to help#and im sitting here wirrying if they hate me so i turn here to shout in the void because the only person i know irl who follows me on here#most likely doesnt read these tags and if you are please ingore this i misjudged your terrible attention span also i love you very much#anyway a few weeks ago i realised my worst fear is no longer death. but the death of my friendship with my beloved friend. and thats fucking#terrifying prospect however if they were to be like yo i dont like you anymore id respect that decision and id be okay because their happine#is the most important thing to me and thats okay but i couldnt bare with the fact that they feel like they had to be ffiends with me because#they have to. i hate the prospect of them feeling trapped in a friendship theh dont want to be in. all the while i feel i cannot communicate#this to anyone because how would i go about it im very anxious i am shaking i am having a bad time very bad time actually im going to start#crying but its okay <3 crying is good for stress and health and its been a while since ive cried so maybe this will help me feel better <3#i will heal and ill be okay <3
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one weird and annoying effect of me spending so much time on mainly american social media and watching all these american shows and movies and reading books by american authors and having all these online friends from america etc etc is that like.. when i write i no longer feel like i can set my stories in france? like, bc i write in english it feels like i need to set my stories in an english-speaking country, and the us is the easiest one to set up (i think in a way it kinda feels like the "default setting" of western media?). i feel like if i wrote a book set in france itd be weird or confusing to people, and also im always bugged bc like.. the stuff i write in english cannot be directly translated into french, like it doesnt correspond 1:1 to french sentences, and so if i set a story in france im always bugged bc i think "but that cant be what the characters are actually saying, because theres no equivalent to this in french". so i end up setting a lot of my stuff in the us, except ive only been to the us once and not long enough to get a good impression of what living there is like (not to mention ive only been to nyc), so i also feel like when americans read my stuff theyre gonna immediately go "huh? thats not how things are here. this author is a hack who cant do research." .. so then sometimes i set my stuff in fictional countries or in an ambiguous impossible setting which mixes stuff from various english-speaking countries + france, but then that makes my story immediately less grounded. this is such a big issue that it blocks me from writing entire stories i wanna write bc i just cant even begin to put them somewhere 😔
#97#ig the two options are like..#either suck it up and write shit set in france even if ik the language thing bugs me#or set it in the us and have someone from the area im writing about read through it and correct everything i got wrong#both of which are a bit daunting.#'sunny' is my one story thats explicitly set in france#and the language thing bugs me SO SO SO much.#even the tiniest bit like..#omars nickname for sunny is 'bunny'#which works double as a cute nickname + as a play on her name right#but in french itd be like.. 'lapin' which could be a nickname ig but#it has a totally diff vibe. its not as cute. it comes off more weird or forced as a nickname.#and it has nothing to do w sunnys name.#stuff like that is always annoying me.#oh yeah 'brotherhood' is also set in france i forgot lol and i had the same issue there!#the librarian in brotherhood makes a pun on the phrase 'early bird gets the worm'#but thats not a phrase in french and neither is 'bookworm' with which she makes the pun#so its like. no she didnt say that. she cant have bc theyre supposed to be speaking french.#actually sometimes i even feel like im not knowledgeable to write france either!!#like i wanna set something in paris but while im in paris often im always a passerby#and i feel like i cant write paris in an authentic and genuine way#so what am i just supposed to set all my stories in my city and nowhere else??#i probably overthink this stuff.
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I think it would make sense that Wyll would not cry for himself but would cry when Dorian talks about his Durge experience and accidentally hits all of their same triggers, but I am not a Wyll's scholar so have been looking at the same paragraph for ten minutes trying to guess how obvious this should be (if anyone wants to chime in please do)
#antiqua writes#like they are both repression kings and team daddy issues#so my idea is that when everything is set for wyll to have a breakdown he doesn't really have one because like. he is expecting it.#so he can keep himself in check#but he is not expecting dorian to start babbling about how he was meant to make his father proud and that's fine he's fine#and 1) that sucks. 2) that sucks and is relatable 3) wait why is that relatable... ah fuck#like I think wyll would cry thinking he condemned his father but it's his father AND the bhaalspawn reveal AND karlach's thing AND#and the is just overthinking this at this point and repressing again#does this make sense#ugh#i think at this point they both want to cry and be held but when the moment comes they are like I don't know how to let myself cry and be h
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I wanna be a slut SO bad..... But I have intimacy issues :(
#i overthink everything before anything's even happened yet#and i have weird attraction issues??#where im not as attracted to supposedly hot people the way every other queer is in my local community??#so i often feel like an anxious buzzkill experiencing intense fomo . it fucking sucks dude#it also doesn't help that im a butch bottom so i immediately assume people will be turned off by that#enm#o
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School comes back in a week or two, and I'm pretty nervous for that. I think me and my dad are going to visit the school next week, in fact. So my biggest hope is that going there i might be able to tell someone about my stomach issues, so I can maybe do half days for the first semester. Because even though i sort of wanted to do full days this semester (since it's gonna be my last year at high school and everything), two things are holding me back: my stomach issues and me having this account. Because i don't know how my brain would handle going fill days, if it meant not posting as much. I'm so used to having this account now, that i seriously worry it would hold me back in some way. and so that thought worries me just as much as the stomach issues.
#i suppose this is yet more proof that i can worry about everything#sigh#school#high school#back to school#school days#summer break#asd#autism#neurodivergent#autistic#adhd#audhd#actually autistic#my thoughts#vent#overthinking#stress#stressed#stomach problems#stomach issues#tumblr#tumblr account
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#taylor.txt#can liking someone just be easy. please.#and i don’t have to overthink a million aspects of my life that would make dating me be the equivalent of eating a cyanide pill.#my job. anxiety. distance. friendships. the other fifty million fucking parts of my job and my work that are issues for partners.#can it just be easy. please. please. can i just for once believe i am/actually be enough to outweigh everything else i can’t control.#im laying here stressing about things that aren’t even going to be an issue bc he definitely doesn’t feel the same way anyway.#but that’s led to just. if someone did like me. how much of my life i can’t control would ruin it.
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ughhhhhh john maher i have crush on you ...
if i looked like johnny marr i would be so insufferable (im literally him) (i dont even play guitar)
#i wont him#welll i do pplay guiatr a bit#his son nile is sexy too#anyway#tuesday night is hitting me#keep thinking its wednesday#pretty heartbreakin g yeah...... sighs#monday i thought it was friday......... :||#got science results for a n irrelavant little test i got 31 /40#AND my radiohead drum sheet music book came!!!!!! so i did that#im meant to be doing aform for my d of e volunteering thing but i dont want toooooooo !!!!!!! blehhh :ppp !!!#I WONT HIMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM#im also tryign to figure out if i like my friend or not.. i think the sexting has confused me#it varies from morning to evening and whether therye there or not#i dont knowww#whatever#rrr#issue w me is i overthink everything so i dont really get cute little oh wait heh i have a cwush moments....#i analyse every new persoon i meet thinking if i want them or not#ugh anyway#oversharing on tumblr.com once again#I HAVE TO PAINT FUCKING ROSEMARY FOR ARTTTT KMSSSSSSSSSSSSS#its so dullllli spent a whole double lesson on it and didnt even finsih th e sectiom let alone the whole fuckign cocking rosemary thinggggg#right ill do the d of e thing now#(lies)
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oh man pacing issues are my number one criticism with anything but I don’t think it’s nearly as bad as I’m seeing people say it is on the sex lives of college girls???? Like it’s not neat and tidy but they have four protagonists and ~5 hours of narrative so I don’t think it’s all that bad considering
#the sex lives of college girls#tslocg#really I think it only became a distraction during parts of Bela’s#I think what makes the pace jarring during Bela’s stuff is that she doesn’t overthink#so her actions move quickly which doesn’t let conflict sit#so I’m kinda hoping with everything that happened she’s going to slow down and her plot will too#and then also I think we coulda used a touch more time with Alicia before her and Leighton got back together#and I didn’t care about Jackson but we spent a little too long on him to dump him that quick#but those are literally my only issues with pacing I think everything else worked out fine?#I also feel like what bothered me about pacing in the beginning didn’t bother me in the end with the big picture
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i really wanna know if theres smthn in my birthchart that explains me not being able 2 get along w other girls. i have hella mom issues like a mf but that goes w/o saying. im very sensitive n i take things personally from other girls. i never had sisters either so ig i just never learned how 2 get along w my own kind. 😷
#i know im overthinking everything rn#but this is true either way#this also explains y i only ever had 1 gf in my entire life#she was truly the coolest girl i ever met#i had 2 have been a man in my past life 4 this 2 be a big issue in my life
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!!! i feel like i did somethinggg!!!
#Lolsies#im not gonna push he can have his boundaries i just.#welp.#and I cant be off when i text now cause then he'll know im kinda upset but like im not upset at him#i just overthink too much and it shows#oh well !! i'll live!!!#(I will overthink this and it will probably stay in my brain for at least the next week probably longer!)#is it the anxiety? is it the autism? is it my attachment issues that make me constantly think im a step away from ruining everything?#god knows !!
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#overthinking and not sleeping#staying on my phone longer each night to delay the overthinking phase before being able to fall asleep#thinking too much about friendships and my living constellations#my future my now and everything in between#tired of overthinking some things#tired and not being able to sleep#i just want to sleep#and maybe give less fucks#and communicate that better#and overthinking about my communication issues and a lot of stuff around that is also hard#trust issues and intrusive thoughts are kicking in real hard rn#i dislike it#but not like i can change it#trying to redirect it#its hard and exhausting but better than doing nothing#but i feel like im losing so much because of it rn#anyway i just wanted to get this off my chest#maybe it helps with sleeping#tired in so many ways
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