#and the is just overthinking this at this point and repressing again

[antiqua-lugar]

I think it would make sense that Wyll would not cry for himself but would cry when Dorian talks about his Durge experience and accidentally hits all of their same triggers, but I am not a Wyll's scholar so have been looking at the same paragraph for ten minutes trying to guess how obvious this should be (if anyone wants to chime in please do)

[silentsamlikesham]

Sanji was aware that Zoro could speak with a sword in his mouth. He was not aware he could pull the same trick with a dick in his mouth...or what happens when these two almost get caught in the Crow's Nest.

My first time writing smut in a while... no beta, just a read over so hope it reads okay 😅

Wordcount: 2,807

.....................

"You've been pissing me off all day." Sanji growls, the side of his foot making satisfying contact with the side of Zoro's head. He surprises the swordsman who had dropped his weights when Sanji had appeared in the room. He doesn't know what the Cook's problem is, but he isn't going to entertain it for long. 

"Bastard." Zoro rams himself forward, his head pushing through Sanji's stomach and slamming him into the wall of the crow's nest with a sickening crunch.

"Damn you." Sanji coughs, ignoring the pain so he can bring his knee up to uppercut the swordsman. Zoro had been teasing him all day, and now the fucker is playing dumb. The way he ate dinner was a sin, his eyes catching Sanji's as he licked sauce off his fingers, practically taunting him in front of the whole crew!

Zoro's face is flicked upwards, blood spilling from the side of his lip as his teeth rattle. Their glares meet with the usual flash of lightning and Zoro realises he's wrapped his arms around the cook, his chin resting on Sanji's abdomen after the attack. What had this idiot all fired up?

"That fucking hurt, ero-cook."

"Cry me a river, Mosshead." Zoro looks ready to murder him, his arms twitching as if he's going to pull back and reach for a sword. Sanji thinks briefly about kneeing him again, maybe angling a sharp kick right between Zoro's legs. That'd make him sorry...

Instead, Sanji drifts a gentle hand to Zoro's face. His thumb swipes away the blood while his fingers curl around the other's cheek. Zoro hates that he leans into the warmth, that his fury is melting into another type of fire, one that pools itself lower in his gut.

"Fuck you."

"Do you want to?" Sanji purrs. "I thought you were getting on your knees for another reason."

"I'm not-" Zoro stills, when he'd thrown himself forward he had lunged with both legs. His knees were currently tensed inches from the floor. 

Sanji laughs as Zoro looks down at the ground in surprise, deciding not to let the idiot overthink and back out of this. He pushes heavily on Zoro's shoulders, enjoying the panicked grunt as he falls heavily to his knees. 

"What's wrong darling, need a pillow?" Sanji grabs at the short hairs at the back of Zoro's head, pulling ruthlessly at them as he contorts Zoro's neck back, forcing Zoro to meet his eye.

Zoro represses a shiver at the possessive shine in Sanji's gaze as he looks the swordsman up and down in this position. His biceps twitch in anticipation, his body hotwired to push back against the bastard. He swallows the urge to tug the blonde down, to draw a sword against the humiliation he faces when he gives in to the Cook like this. But he doesn't, he can't. 

Instead, his eyes fall to the silver zip on Sanji's dress pants, his tongue wetting his lips as he catches on to what the Cook is asking of him. 

"Shut up." Zoro emphasises his words by pushing his face into Sanji's crotch, his tongue hot and wet against the fabric of the pants. Sanji bucks in surprise, his head hitting back against wood as two large hands push his hips steadily against the wall.

"Fuck." Sanji breathes slowly, watching Zoro's teeth pull at his zip while one hand undoes the button above. Without any warning or gentleness, Zoro rips any fabric in his way down to Sanji's ankles, his eyes falling smugly on the half-hard cock in front of him.

"What, this is not hot enough for you, Blondie?" Sanji flushes pink from the grin Zoro flashes him. Oh, he fucking hated him. 

"I guess it's just not the same when you take charge." Sanji tsks, knowing how riled up the other got whenever Sanji pointed out how submissive Zoro could be when they were alone like this.

"Is that a challenge, eh?"

The response is...unexpected. Sanji tries to swallow through the dryness that has just built in his mouth. Zoro doesn't sound riled up, instead he glances from his hyper-focus on Sanji's dick to the blonde's face. His eyes look as terrifying as they often do in the middle of battle, when the true demon inside the bonehead comes out. 

"So what if it is." Sanji retorts, remembering where one of his hands is and pushes his nails into Zoro's skull as he pushes his head towards him, shivering as Zoro's breath hits his cock. 

Zoro just chuckles as he ducks his head away from where Sanji is leading him. His lips land on his inner thigh instead, a kiss quickly turning to a nip. Sanji lets out a choked gasp at the sharp pain, stopping his other leg from crashing into the side of Zoro's body on reflex.

"Fucking, damn it." Sanji groans as Zoro litters more nips from his thigh to his hip. The closest he gets to feeling those tantalising lips on his cock is when Zoro ghosts over it on his way to Sanji's other leg. 

His cock pulses, becoming fully erect as Zoro uses his hands to reach behind Sanji, massaging into his ass as long fingers almost reach between his crack. 

"Something the matter?" Zoro hums, placing his mouth against one of Sanji's balls, licking a strip across as the Cook quivers in his hands.

Sanji doesn't grace the teasing with a response. Instead he grips the side of Zoro's face with his other hand, using both of them to push the Mosshead's lips against his dick, a moan being wretched from his body as without pause Zoro licks up his length, only stopping his course to lick under the head and wrap his lips around the tip.

"Fuuuuck." Sanji moans, both hands sliding down to Zoro's shoulders so he can dig his nails into thick skin. He enjoys feeling the shiver that travels down Zoro's spine in response.

He can feel Zoro's lips stretch around him as he smirks. But Sanji doesn't have time to be upset about that because Zoro has started to bob his head, his lips moving lower with each dip of his head. A hand grips the back of Zoro's neck, encouraging him to pick up his pace.

The sounds bouncing off the walls of the crow's nest are obscene, the wet squelch of Sanji's dick as Zoro coats it in saliva, the choked grunts coming from the Marimo's stretched mouth and the hot pants breaking from Sanji's throat.

The blonde is so focused on those sounds, on the wet heat and sometimes sharp teeth in the green oaf's mouth that he misses the echo of steps beneath them. The pair miss the familiar sound of shoes on iron rungs as someone climbs up the side of the mast, heading for the hatch to the Crow's nest.

It's reflex alone that has Zoro throw a leg at the hatch, moving from resting on his right knee to it pushing out to the side in a deep lunge, his foot just in reach to slam down on the hatch that only opened a centimeter or two. 

"Oi!" A familiar shriek can be heard muffled beneath them. "What the hell! Let me in!" 

Both of them have gone completely still as Usopp pounds on the hatch. 

No one on the crew knew about their recent...arrangement. They'd been pretty good at hiding it, using their watch schedule and dishes rota to steal enough alone time to satisfy one another. Their eyes met showing equal embarrassment and worry. 

Sanji is pretty sure he would have lost his arousal but the brute had kept his mouth latched around him. Even now Zoro's tongue moved around his dick, flicking at a vein as Sanji uses all his restraint not to make a sound. Zoro is meant to be the one up here training, Sanji is meant to be in the pantry doing a stock check. 

"Piss off!" 

Sanji's eyes widen as his eyebrow pushes up to his hairline. His eyes are torn from the hatch, now fixed on the Marimo who hasn't moved his mouth. Sanji wonders for a moment was it himself that spoke? But no, with just the briefest movement of his lips and a strong vibration rattling through his mouth, Zoro speaks again.

"I'm training."

The swordsman is somehow speaking as clearly as ever, looking undisturbed by the dick that is filling the majority of his mouth. Sharp eyes turn to glance at his expression, Zoro being drawn to him when he feels Sanji's dick twitch and pulse inside him. 

The cook has gone red, bright tomato red. It's one of the hottest things Zoro has ever seen. Is he that turned on by almost getting caught? Kinky fucker.

"I'm looking for Sanji!" Usopp yells, his fist hitting off the hatch again.

"And why the hell would he be up here?" Zoro retorts, a finger disappearing into Sanji's ass, massaging over his hole as Sanji bites his lip to stay silent. His nails draw blood on Zoro's neck in response to the cheap shot.

"I want a view of the ship! He's not in the galley." Usopp is pushing against the hatch again. The weird position Zoro is in to keep it closed isn't letting him use his full weight or strength and the hatch trembles beneath his boot as Usopp struggles.

"Well he's not on the deck either." Zoro stops focusing on talking and sucks the head of Sanji's dick, forcing the cook to bang his head off the wall, pain blossoming from his skull as he swallows a shout. 

"Oi, what was that? You alright?" 

"You're distracting me, idiot. Want me to open the hatch and spar with you instead?"

Sanji glares at the mention of opening the crow's nest, but Zoro just raises a brow at the mix of pleasure and anger pulling at the cook's face. He looks adorable when he's pissed off. 

"Ah! No! No, that's alright! The great captain Usopp needs no such training! I'm going to go find Sanji now-" The voice gets fainter with each word as Usopp races as far from Zoro as he can get.

Zoro drags his mouth teasingly off the Cook's cock with a loud pop. Sanji groans as the loss of the heat, moving his head groggily to look down at the devilish grin on the other's face.

"So, that turned you on, huh? Knew you were a pervert."

Huh?

"What are you talking about, Marimo?" Sanji's knees are starting to tremble, he can feel Zoro taking some of his weight with his grip on his ass. 

"If I knew almost getting caught would make you blush like this-" Zoro pauses to fondle one of Sanji's balls, enjoying the slight knee buckle it elicits as Zoro steadies the blonde by pushing him more harshly against the wall. "I wouldn't have made such an effort to stay quiet when we were in the galley."

Sanji is confused, his body is starting to feel like it's on fire, the warmth of his arousal fighting against the cold of the room. Goosebumps decorate his legs anywhere that Zoro isn't pressed against. He tries to focus on what the other is saying, ignoring how close he is to his release.

"I don't want to get caught, moron." Sanji huffs, trying to thrust himself closer to Zoro's face, but the swordsman holds him in place, seemingly mesmerised as he stares at Sanji's face without blinking.

"Then what got you so worked up there?" Zoro asks, refusing to finish what he started, desperate for the piece of the puzzle he's missing.

"You. Fucking secret ventriloquist powers." Sanji accuses, not being able to continue looking at Zoro as he feels his own blush creeping down his chest at the admission. He hated giving his rival any hints at what riled him up, hated knowing Zoro would use it against him at every conceivable moment. Of course, it also made Sanji pleased to think Zoro would do it again, do it again to please him.

"Huh?" Zoro is not expecting that to be what comes out of the Cook's mouth. He's seen Zoro speak with a sword in his mouth most days, was it really such a shock he could do it with a dick in his mouth instead? 

Zoro holds back a laugh as he takes Sanji's dick deep into his mouth again without any warning. He feels his own erection twitch as Sanji is able to get a leg over one of his shoulders, drawing the other closer and not leaving any room for him to retreat again. 

"This turns you on?" Zoro does his best to keep any mumbling out of his words, making them as clear as he can. 

Sanji groans, pushing Zoro down his dick, getting his own back when the mosshead almost chokes, growling around his cock. 

"Yes, you fucking monster. I thought your little sword trick was a speciality. But this? This makes me think you must have the filthiest fucking mouth in the Grand Line."

Zoro preens from the insinuation, taking the taunt as a compliment. He'll show the Cook just how filthy he can be. 

He starts sucking the other off with proper focus, using one of his hands to grab the bottom of Sanji's length. He doesn't falter this new pace despite the scars being scratched into his neck and shoulders. He doesn't even blink as tears build in his eyes and Sanji's weight drops on him as the blonde turns to jelly above him.

"Come for me, Curley." Zoro moans, taking Sanji's dick right to the back of his throat as he orders him. 

The Cook's whimpering is music to his ears. He tries to enjoy the symphony of pants and moans before they disappear, but as always, it's over before he can get the fill he wants. Not that it matters, the come that fills his throat is worth it, as is the last strangled yelp Sanji finishes with before his body melts against the wall. 

Zoro helps him gently slide to the ground, tracing soothing circles into Sanji's sides until the Cook can focus on him again. 

"That's- That's not fair." Sanji groans, his hands coming up to rub at his face as he tries to bring himself back to some state of sanity. 

Zoro just laughs at the complaint, pushing himself forward until his head is nestled into the crook of Sanji's neck. He takes in the familiar scent of spiced fish and cigarettes, enjoying the smell of sweat and sex mingling in with Sanji's usual scent. Sanji's leg is forced to follow him, bending up against his chest. Zoro gives it an impressed look, always happy to play with the other's flexibility.

"Life's not fair, Ero-Cook." 

Sanji wants to drive his leg downwards through Zoro's skull, but he's not sure he currently has the strength to do so. He's also rather enjoying the other being pressed against him like a heated blanket, the chill in the room becoming recognisable again as he's coming down from his rush. 

"Oi, I can't touch you if you're pressed against me like this." Sanji points out, once he's caught his breath. The hardness pressed against this abdomen evidently undealt with.

"Shut up, pervert. I'm comfy." Zoro mutters, his eyelids heavy as he wraps his arm around Sanji's thigh that's pressed against the Cook's chest, hugging it like some kind of blanket.

"Huh?" Sanji groans, panicking as he realises the heavy idiot is starting to nod off. "Let me put my pants back on before you fall asleep you neanderthal."

This is not the position for Sanji to join him in a nap. His dick is wet. His legs are spread apart, the stretch not bothering him but the cold wood on his ass is definitely uncomfortable. Not to mention the sniper is going to alert the whole crew about his disappearance if he doesn't go see what he wants.

"Oi! Move." He hisses, pushing against Zoro with little success.

"M'comfy." Zoro groans, pulling Sanji closer as his arms tense around the other.

Sanji sighs, pulling a cigarette from his blazer, that he'd somehow kept on throughout the ordeal.

"You have till I finish this, then I'm going to go find Usopp."

Zoro frowns, not liking the idea of their night coming to such an abrupt end.

He's brought out of the despair by long fingers tugging at his chin though, Sanji leveling him with a scathing look.

"And then I'm coming back up here to deal with you."

Zoro can see Sanji's eyes hungrily watching his Adam's apple as he swallows hard. Any teasing gone from the Cook's tone and is replaced with an intensity that always leaves Zoro breathless.

He could wait. 

[clotpolesonly]

thinking about Declan and the moth again

it HAUNTS ME that the moth is one of the few times that Declan seems to lose his self-awareness completely. like, yeah, he's the ultimate king of repression, but he's usually very conscious of what he's repressing and the fact that he's repressing it. he knows his issues.

he knows that he forces down his emotions in an unhealthy way so that he can be the adult in the room at far too young an age. he knows he can't form healthy relationships because of a lifetime of danger and insecurity. he knows he dehumanized his mother as a means to cope with their batshit family situation. he knows he's competing with his father's ghost for a place in Ronan's life. he knows he resents Matthew for being the primary factor in his parentification and loss of opportunity in life. he knows he loves his father no matter how much he tries to convince himself to hate him. he knows he feels trapped in the life he's leading, doesn't see a way out, and likely wouldn't take it if he did because it would be at the expense of his brothers.

all of these things, Declan acknowledges openly, either to himself in narration or out loud to others. he may delude himself about how well he's coping with his issues, but he has no illusions about what his issues ARE.

except for the fucking moth.

it's such a perfect, on-the-nose symbol that it almost strains credulity for Declan not to acknowledge it as such, and yet not once does he ever look at the moth and feel the way he did about the black string art exhibit that made him recognize how trapped he felt in his life. "how the moth had beaten against the walls for those first few days, until it had learned it could not escape."

the learned helplessness of it - there's no point fighting to get free, just lie down and accept that this is your life. know what you're allowed to do, and have, and be. know what you're not. a creature of his father's making, confined by his father's hand.

and not even something as eye-catching as a butterfly, no, but a quieter subtler moth with eyes like glittering purple-black marbles that will never get to live a life because Niall made it so.

and the symbolic parallel of the display case and the townhouse. the rigid real world structures that Declan himself requested, because they made him feel more secure than being surrounded by dreams, and that his father provided in a well-meaning but ultimately short-sighted attempt to accommodate him. things that Declan only recognizes much later as the cages that they were.

Declan now regrets demanding his dad make the display case by hand, and when he puts himself through Ronan's bad-feeling security system at the end of the series, the memory it hits him with is inheriting the sterile alexandria townhouse that was exactly what he'd claimed to want.

these are symbols of Declan's complicity, in a manner of speaking, in the whole tragic mess that was his upbringing. at some point, quite early on, Declan's oppression became a joint effort, something that he participated in (because a complete lack of control in the situation would have felt worse). it reminds me of Declan struggling to remember which of them first decided to lie to Matthew about what he was, whether that was his dad's idea or if he'd done that of his own volition, just following pattern.

did dad trap him, or did he build the walls himself? or was it both?

but, for once, none of this is acknowledged by Declan in the text. this artistically-minded chronic overthinker carries the moth around with him - one of the two dreams he will never sell, alongside the gift from Ronan - and he stays so uncritically sentimental about it that he releases it on his wedding day with happy/nostalgic tears in his eyes, and it just boggles my mind.

this is the man who looked at a bunch of string and had the immediate revelation that he was utterly miserable and trapped in a spiderweb of a life precariously balanced on a knife's edge where one wrong move could get him and everyone he loved killed, but he looks at a direct, uncomplicated, one-to-one representation of himself and somehow does not recognize that it is not something to think of fondly. that, yes, it may be a symbol of his father's love for him, but it's not good.

[vexahlla]

I had to go back to this scene in case I was remembering wrong and he actually said "I love you"—he doesn't! what he says is much more interesting.

ed is still convinced at this point that oswald is fully selfish. he figures that if he's going to be used anyway, there's comfort in knowing with certainty HOW and WHY. he's operating from "love is weakness": his love for penguin makes him weak. it's clear what lee is using him for and he can work from that. he can actually become stronger, he's repeating his past mistakes from season 3 and betraying penguin made him stronger. there's the potential here—maybe even inevitability—that if he does the same thing, get someone he looks up to to approve of him and then flip that on its head, he can prove himself again.

it's interesting that he's "the riddler" here, especially with the broader context of penguin giving up his revenge for ed and giving his trust to him. riddler is thinking logically: penguin is a master manipulator. giving up his revenge MUST be a tactic, but how? what does he want from him? what will he take? therefor riddler MUST betray before he's betrayed. he's blind to emotional truths and so can't wrap his head around the real reason, that's why what eventually gets oswald's devotion through to him is something physical, something tangible. REAL PROOF. something much more like ed's own willingness to be tortured without giving him up, even to die for that. it's why he questions oswald whenever he spares his life or does something out of character for the sake of ed: ed's trying to figure him out from a logical point of view—like a puzzle—there must be something he's missing, it must be a trap. the love he's offering can't possibly be real.

that was PENGUIN'S revenge, that was the clear-cut motivation he had before he gave it all up for ed!

another thing about ed's repression is that he over complicates and over compensates! he is always compelled to leave hidden messages that implicate himself, like when he left kristen the "nygma" clue. a lot of it is his ego: who but him could ever figure it out? who could match his intellect? but he's also LOOKING for that someone! but it's more than that, it's PARANOIA. when jim knew nothing of his crimes, nygma overthought everything and that's what led to his downfall.

i think the clue here is that he's focusing on penguin's initial revenge. and the overthinking is leading him into a self-destructive relationship with lee.

he loves "it": the change in her that resembles penguin.

from what we've seen before with how oswald dodges ed's leading questions of why he keeps ed safe—and with how he brings up "friends" and "brothers"—he's def not comfortable enough to say "i love you" first anymore. ed would have to be the vulnerable one, and at the end of the series he's faced all truths about himself: he's the riddler, he's a villain, he loves oswald. he's moved past the traumatizing night where he said "i love you" to someone for the first time, when he was actively killing her. he understands now that killing her was JUST AS MUCH HIM as mourning her, and it's the same as what he experienced with oswald. the two personalities—if they were not one and the same the whole time as ed manifesting his own battle between repression and truth—are at least fully integrated with each other at the end of the series.

[juminies]

reliance

day 7, jumin’s perspective

jumin x reader, 1170 words

♥︎

If you asked almost anyone, those who know him personally or otherwise, they’d most likely tell you that Jumin doesn’t feel.

It’s not that straightforward, of course. There’s layers to it.

It would be more realistic to say he’s mastered the techniques of repression. He always only had himself to lean on. How could a lonely child cope with the consequences of gritty rejection at the hands of his own mother other than compartmentalise? How else could he handle the relentless harassment from the shameless women that his father willingly, repeatedly let into his life? It was easy as far as he was concerned—he let the threads tangle until they could barely be deciphered from one another and pushed them aside.

In the recent past, Jumin might have even considered telling you it’s a skill. Developed at a young age, perfected into adulthood. A skill that allows him to avoid inconveniences to his duties; fend off any sort of long term resentment or frustration. Dwelling on something like What extent of lacking consideration might make a good father a bad one? should not matter. Time will pass with or without him. So he simplifies it: objectively bad things happen, are tangled away soon thereafter, and life goes on. This way memories he needs are easily accessed and ones he doesn’t are easier avoided.

Before, on the occasion things did start to get overwhelming, distracting himself had been relatively easy. He had conjured up this idea of his cat being the catch-all to combat his discomfort. If ever emotions started to creep into uncomfortable territory it was simple to sidestep them. Elizabeth the 3rd had been… sympathetic enough to make him feel sufficiently comfortable again. Then if necessary he could pick up extended office hours here, a cat project there, an extra glass of wine to ease the transition from overthinking to composure.

The last week, though, has flipped everything he thought he knew on its head.

You’re at the forefront of it, really. You’re special to him in a way no one else is; he’s told you that much already. Even so, he will preface his thoughts with a point that he’d surely be jumping the gun to say he’s in love. He met you barely a week ago. In the moments where he tries his hardest to stop the unemotional part of him from slipping through his fingers, he almost believes (or maybe tries to convince himself) that it must just be that there’s so much happening right now. Sarah, her name bitter on his tongue, seems to have forcefully slithered her way into his life, though he’d rather have never paid her a second glance. There is no reasoning with his father surrounding the absurdity of the arranged marriage and the trust at the foundation of their relationship feels suddenly fragile; unpredictable. Not to mention the impact yet another divorce and planned subsequent remarriage quickly took on business (with Jumin, of course, being left to pick up the slack).

Then, as if things weren’t dire enough, his dear Elizabeth the 3rd is seemingly under threat. He is riddled with both the need to protect and a simultaneous abundance of confusion from the dawning realisation that she could never understand him like he needed. It plays heavy on his heart.

Amongst it all though, here you are—a pillar of light in the chaos. Someone who cares about him with a deep sincerity and understanding he thought he could have never pulled from the depths of another human. Someone who might just care about him in a way that not even Rika had. He’s considered informing you that it makes him feel terribly vulnerable. As though you’re cradling his heart in uncertain hands.

Still, Jumin keeps assuring himself that things will fall back into place. They always do. Things will fall into their rightful place, and life will return to what he is accustomed to.

…Then again.

What if he doesn't want it to go back to how it was before? What if this is a rare occasion where he welcomes a sudden change with open arms? An open heart? (It’s okay if hands shake as you hold it, he thinks. Be it his hands or yours.)

Because it just doesn’t feel right to tuck you away with everything else in his brain the way he’s used to. You’re too different. It comes too easy to ignore everything else for you. Thoughts of you are spread all around in an uneven jumble; disorganised, distracting. From his stares alone it’s impossible for you to begin to visualise the scramble. He feels like he’s been ripped from safety and comfort and thrown as far from familiarity as possible. He has never been so out of his depth. He has never, even as a child, felt so out of control.

Part of him, strangely, welcomes it.

It makes him think unusually, however. Perhaps even unfairly. And so along with the scattered joy of you, you, you, develops an internal battle to gain control again. He wants your eyes on only him as much as he wants no one else to look at you. Something pleads with him to keep you here, keep you here, while something else begs him on its knees to never hold you back.

He’s watching you, sitting with your legs tucked up beneath you on his sofa. You’ve been quietly focused on some drama he’s never heard of and sipping a vintage wine he’d been saving for a special occasion. It makes him dizzy. Perhaps against his better judgement, he has wanted to kiss you since you walked through the door. A special occasion indeed.

The pleading continues, desperate screams of No matter what it takes! No matter what it takes!

But you have been so kind. He wouldn’t dare take advantage of it. On the contrary, he’d probably do anything you asked of him in a heartbeat as long as he could guarantee you’d be safe in the end.

Then he says your name. He’s not sure he intended to say it aloud. When you turn to him he scans your face for something, anything, that suggests maybe you’re losing your mind as much as he is. Instead he’s distracted by lips gently parted and vaguely stained red from the wine, and comes to no conclusion.

“Yeah?” you say.

You’re sitting in the spot where he’d usually sit, he realises. He’d been so shaken by your arrival that he somehow hadn’t even noticed. Not that he’d have made you sit elsewhere anyway.

He takes a sip of his own wine and wonders if his lips are the same colour as yours.

“Jumin? Everything okay?”

You seem too far away somehow.

“Yes.”

You tilt your head to the side slightly as you ask, “You sure?”

“Yes. Apologies, what I was going to say somehow slipped my mind,” he says.

“Alright.” Your eyes sparkle as you smile (always sweet, never pushy) and he has to turn away to stop himself from acting on foolish impulse.

He downs the rest of his wine in lieu of it.

[olasketches]

What do you think are Sukuna and Yuuji’s greatest personality strengths and weaknesses? Why? What do you love about their dynamic?

oh I love questions like that!!

for sukuna, I wanted to say his intelligence and creativity but to be honest I think it's his curiosity and inquisitiveness. Intelligence and creativity are like muscles. you develop them the more you observe, learn, practice and experience and one of sukuna's defining traits is that he's incredibly observant. his curiosity in a way contradicts his "I don't give a fuck about anything" attitude but then we have witnessed time and time again how he finds other sorcerous intriguing or in sukuna's words "fascinating". he even admits later to kashimo that he finds people tasty interesting

sukuna's curiosity allows him to learn new things and lets him acquire more knowledge (hence why he's so adaptable and strategic in combat), probably as a way to keep himself entertained, after all he's also a super bored individual. However, one would think that for someone with such strong sense of curiosity and inquisitiveness that naturally leads him into exploring and learning, he would be much more prone to growing and evolving as a person... well not in sukuna's case nuh uh. cause this guys biggest problem obstacle is him himself.

sukuna claims he doesn't need anyone and thinking his way of living is perfectly fine and yet he showed doubts when that one "annoying brat" who he can't seem to ged rid off (by literally and metaphorically cutting them off) the way he did everyone else, made him reflect on himself for the first time in millennium. sukuna is a great and cunning observant... of everyone but himself. I think his greatest personality weakness is his absolute lack of self awareness, which is kinda funny considering that he's also a character with the most overwhelming sense of self. it’s like he knows damn well who is and doesn’t need external validation but then because he never self reflects he can’t really grow and evolve as a person… and if it wasn't for sukuna and yuuji's forced coexistence, sukuna would have most likely still kept going about his life the way he always did without trying to understand his own thoughts, feelings, values, beliefs, and actions. the reason he never questioned his own way of being is cause others are just a way for him to pass time rather than an opportunity to reflect upon himself and learn something about his own inner workings…

and then we have yuuji who I would say is on the same spectrum just on the opposite end. yuuji doesn't really reflect on himself or question the world he lives in but that wasn't always the case. in the first ten chapter we actually get to witness his internal monologue about death and his place in all of this but after his first encounter with a certain death, everything changes. yuuji stopped reflecting on himself and instead started repressing his emotions. someone actually made a great meta about this, he actively avoids thinking about the whole situation, which brings me to my point. I think yuuji's greatest personality weakness is actually his impulsiveness. he tends to make decisions without thinking about the consequences first. yuuji, like most of teenagers tbh, doesn't want to think too hard about the world he lives in so long as he has something to do but I believe this might also be related to the perception he has of himself as "the dumb one". “Im an idiot so there’s no point in me thinking about these things right?” you can even see that sort of attitude when megumi admits why he saved yuuji that day

you’re so smart fushiguro. thinking about all sorts of stuff, unlike me.

oh yuuji.. yuuji.. :/. but in some ways yuuji's impulsiveness can also work in his favour. his "do it now, think later" attitude doesn't allow him much room to overthink, so once he commits to a task he doesn't back down until he achieve his goal. that's why, I believe his greatest strength are his determination and strong will, something even sukuna couldn't break.

sukuna and yuuji’s strength and weakness go hand in hand and complement one another. sukuna's habitual curiosity reflects yuuji's obliviousness to the world around him, whilst yuuji's determination (but also just sheer existence) caused sukuna to have doubts about his way of living. they're complete polar opposite and yet in some ways they're more alike than they think. neither of them is a big fan of self reflection. they're both stubborn af. physical pain is just an after thought to them, they'll keep going even if they loose half of their limbs. "violence is the solution". they're both freaks who don't mind eating human flesh and one of them actually enjoys it. and lastly, they're both just really miserable. sukuna's selfishness only made him hollow inside and yuuji's selflessness only brought him more suffering and pain. they also think that the solution to their problems is to kill the other one (which is kinda funny now that I think about it lol tho in yuuji's case this is kinda true.. but also not really) and yet they’ve been essential to each other’s growth. they’re both really fucked up individuals who hate each other’s guts and make each other’s lives a living hell but at the same time they also know and understand the other one’s soul like no one else… what’s not to love?

sukuna and yuuji’s dynamic is actually the reason why I fell in love w jjk in the first place. their interactions are always fun and entertaining and they always leave with an even bigger brainrot but at this point I think it’s safe to say that these two consumed my mind and heart and maybe even soul completely. I just can’t get enough of them.

[antifictionsfiction]

Worth the Free Admission - Part 5/6

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / AO3

Fandom: Children’s Theater Critic with Alfred Molina

Pairing: Arthur H. Cartwright x gn!reader

Rating: T

Chapter summary: An awkward morning confirms to you things haven't changed as much as you'd hoped and pushes you to act. Arthur is faced with a situation that he can't back out of anymore.

Warnings/tags: age difference, insecurity, mutual pining, tension (getting somewhat resolved?), personal growth

Additional info: reader is mentioned to be wearing some more masc clothes in one scene, but no gendered pronouns, terms or descriptors are used for them

Chapter word count: 3603

A/N: It's been a long long time, but I want to say a huge thank you to @scorsesedepalmafan for constantly cheering me on (and letting me use one of his gifs again💙) and to @francis-ford-kofola for her support ☺️ And of course, thanks to everybody who's been waiting for me to finish this, I hope you enjoy! And stay tuned for Part 6 ★

“Ah, you slept in.” Those were the words Arthur greeted you with. You had stumbled upon him on your way to the bathroom, hunched over the desk in his study. He was fully dressed, wearing a tweed jacket and from the looks of it, he had been up and working for quite some time now. 

“Well, it was a late night yesterday,” you said, somewhat defensive. Letting him see you only in a T-shirt and a pair of comfy boxers wasn’t something you thought you would be self-conscious about, especially not after last night, but the contrast with his fully professional getup was making you feel underdressed even though it was no later than nine.  

“Yes,” he looked away for a second, his voice coming out uncertain, “I woke up early, that’s all. I couldn’t go back to sleep.” 

“I’m sorry I kept you up.”

“No you didn’t, it was just… back pain.” As if to emphasize his words, he shifted in his chair, straightening up and pushing his shoulders back. 

“Oh, I didn’t know you were struggling with that. I’m sorry.” You were getting anxious just watching Arthur visibly avoid holding eye contact with you.

“I usually don't. I just didn’t sleep in the best position.” 

You would pay to see what was going on inside his overthinking brain at that moment. He was already regretting the somewhat intimate way you’d ended the evening with, you had no other theory. The behavior you were witnessing seemed way too skittish even by his standards. Unlike last night though, something about him felt different, as if he was ashamed or guilty instead of frightened. But it was you who instigated (or tried to, anyway) anything yesterday, wasn’t it? Wasn’t it?

“Arthur, if you’re worried about what happened yesterday- I didn’t think anything of it. We were both feeling out of our depths, and I appreciated the gesture. I know you were just trying to comfort me and that’s all it was, right?” The words felt heavy on your tongue, of course you did make assumptions about the way he bashfully suggested to read to you, or the way he let you, let’s face it, full on cuddle him while he was lying next to you and reading. It didn’t bring you any pleasure to lie, but at that point, you were just trying to say whatever would make him act calmer about the whole situation. Whatever would bring the relationship you’d been building for months now back to the way it was before this unfortunate domino effect of repressed feelings.

“Oh.” The way he looked at you, his eyes wide and slightly magnified by his glasses, reminded you of a very large, frightened owl. He pulled said glasses off his face, gripping them in a nervous gesture before speaking again. 

“Of- of course not. I just assumed, for a second, when you said you… But of course you didn’t mean- I should’ve watched myself better, I didn’t mean to fall asleep, I- I’m so much older than you and you are- I’ve been reading people and situations wrong my entire life,” the words tumbled out of his mouth in half-finished sentences, his voice unsteady. This was the least eloquent you had ever seen Arthur, and in turn, it left you speechless too. 

You didn’t know what to say and you didn’t really want to keep talking either. You had both been clearly locked inside your heads and unsure how to act, but seeing Arthur struggle to this extent to just describe how he felt made something snap in you. You crossed the room that had been separating you from him, not thinking anymore. You didn’t wait for him to blurt out another badly constructed sentence as you stood directly in front of him. You didn’t have to bend down much as he was quite tall even sitting down - one hand placed on his tweed-covered shoulder, you leaned in and kissed him. 

The kiss wasn’t long nor deep, not to begin with. You pulled back after a couple seconds, giving Arthur an opportunity to push you away. The situation had gotten so complicated you weren’t completely sure, but you were willing to take the risk rather than keep maneuvering around the subject. Arthur’s response came in the form of a faint whisper of your name and a warm hand brushing against your cheek, pulling you closer again. 

The way his lips touched yours felt hesitant, trembling. Not wanting to rush him, you returned the butterfly-like touch with gentle patience, silently reassuring Arthur that he wasn’t doing anything wrong, he couldn’t. To your surprise, it was him who took the next step, opening his lips slightly and deepening the kiss. A subtle taste of toothpaste lingered on your tongue when you broke apart. 

Arthur’s hand slipped from your cheek, reaching for the hand that was still resting on his shoulder instead. 

“I’m so confused,” he said, his breathing still coming out heavier than usual. 

“I really think we should talk, Arthur.” You hadn’t really stepped away from him yet, your legs softly pressed against his knees. 

“I agree, it’s just-” he sighed, putting his glasses back on, probably out of habit, “I need to think everything through first. I can’t give you any… well, answers right now. I’m sorry.” He patted your hand before letting go of it. You took the hint, finally taking a step back. 

Your heart felt like an anchor in your chest, sinking to the bottom of the ocean. He had just kissed you, and no, his words didn’t immediately suggest a rejection. But a part of you was hoping the kiss would untie his tongue, so to speak, and allow the jumbled emotions to run free after all these weeks of circling around the unspoken core of your not quite unrequited affection for him. Couldn’t you just wait a little longer after having survived this whole time? You certainly could, and you were going to give him all the space he needed to get his thoughts and emotions in order. But it hurt, being denied the chance to finally know for sure where you were at with him, to decide the next step in your relationship.

“I understand,” you gave a slow nod, trying to prevent the deep disappointment from coming through in your tone, “and I don’t expect you to give me a definite answer right now. I don’t even know what that should be. Just, please, whatever your thoughts are, whatever you feel, know you can tell me anything. You can be open, no matter how hard it is. Just don’t let it distance us from each other, because… I love working with you and being around you, whatever that might look like.” Despite your best efforts to keep your emotions at bay, you felt held back tears burning in the corners of your eyes. Arthur must have noticed, as the tension in his expression softened. 

“I won’t, I promise. I’d never want that to happen. Not again.” 

Oh Arthur, there’s so much you have yet to share with me, you thought. You weren’t about to push though, not when he was already making such an effort to handle the situation head-on, rather than finding a way to wiggle out and avoid it again.

“Thank you,” you paused, trying to come up with the least painful end to the conversation now that there apparently wasn’t anything else to be said. There was only one that you could think off:

“Look, I think I need some time to process this too, so I guess I’ll just head home. I can take the bus or-”

“I’ll drive you,” Arthur said firmly, getting up from his chair. The resolution was a pleasant surprise to you, you expected him to jump at the offer of some immediate alone time instead.

“Oh okay, thank you. I’ll just get changed and then we can get going.”

“Wait. Let me at least get you something for breakfast first. And a coffee. That’s the least I can do.” Something about the way he said it made you feel like this was his attempt to make it up to you, and you accepted it gratefully. There was no point in running away from anything anymore. 

—

You hadn’t heard much from Arthur since the day he drove you back home. Not that the conversation during that drive had seemed unnatural or awkward in any way, on the contrary. And you had to keep reminding yourself Arthur was a man of a different generation, and so it shouldn’t come as a surprise to you that he wasn’t an avid texter. Still, he had promised he would have a serious conversation with you about the future of your relationship with him, however that was going to turn out, and he hadn’t mentioned it since. Except for a few texts and one phone call, all related to the play, you hadn’t really gotten or found a chance to talk to him in a more personal setting until the next week’s rehearsal.

The greeting was warm and you could sense that something had shifted in the way you were interacting or perhaps in tune with one another, but fragile uncertainty was still hanging heavy in the air between you. You didn’t really have the space to explore the feeling further however, since you had almost run late thanks to an unreasonably upset parent storming into your office after your regular classes earlier. After such an encounter, you barely had any energy left for two hours of extracurricular activities, but there was no way you were going to cancel the rehearsal, for a multitude of reasons. All you had to do was hang on for a little while longer, hopefully with Arthur’s help.

“Ollie, please, I need you to focus. What Luna just said, that was your line, remember?” You had lost count of how many times Ollie (and not only him) had forgotten a line or zoned out during this week’s rehearsal. And to think the performance was scheduled for just over a month from now - you knew you couldn’t afford to lose a single precious second of the limited rehearsal time that you had each week. Which naturally posed a challenge, since getting the kids to pay full attention to the play for two hours straight was proving to be an almost impossible task. 

“I’m sorry. I just don’t like how Arthur’s looking at me,” mumbled Ollie. You sighed. Even though the relationship between the children and Arthur had improved significantly, there were still moments when he couldn’t hold his comments at bay, and of course the children had never truly forgotten their first encounter with him. You turned to Arthur with a tired look, which was met with an almost guilty expression on his side. 

“I was just lost in thought, Ollie. You’re doing fine, just make sure you don’t let your cues run away from you,” he said and you noted the clear shift in how he was trying to match his tone and vocabulary to the setting, even if not perfectly. You gave him an approving smile. 

“What is ‘cues’?” asked Ollie. You didn’t mind actually explaining the word this time, deciding it could be useful for them to know, unlike some other expressions that Arthur was still prone to using from time to time.

“A cue is something you have to pay attention to so that you know when to say or do something on stage. So for example, you were supposed to say what?” 

“Uh… Is this your ship?” Ollie had to think for a second, but he ended up getting it right. You nodded.

“Exactly. And so, what is your cue? What reminds you that you need to say this?”

Ollie was silent for a while, struggling to remember the sequence of the scene. Two little hands shot up, Emily and Luna both trying to answer for him.

“Let’s give Ollie a chance to answer first, okay?” 

“Oh I know!” Ollie beamed, “My uh…”

“Cue?” you suggested. 

“My cue is when we come on stage and the ship appears!” 

“Exactly, great job,” you praised him, “So, this is for everyone, okay? Always remember what comes before it’s your turn to act. Then you won’t forget anything. You’re a team so pay attention to each other.” 

Some of the kids nodded, but most of all Ollie, proud of his little achievement. You checked the time, realizing you’d probably pushed them enough for now.

“Alright, it’s time for a break. Grab your snacks and don’t forget to drink plenty of water. We’ll try this new rule out in 10 minutes,” you said, loud enough for everyone to hear even through all the cheerful noise at the first mention of a break. 

As everybody ran towards their little backpacks to retrieve their snacks, you sank into a chair next to Arthur’s, maybe just as excited for the break as the children. 

“I’m sorry, I forgot to watch myself there,” Arthur said, his voice quiet and almost sad. You touched his arm for a second, a very subtle gesture that wouldn’t make the kids question anything even if they saw it. 

“No, it was okay, don’t worry about it. You’ve clearly been working hard on how you act around them, don’t think I didn’t notice. And at least I got to teach them a new word,” you smiled.

“That’s true, it was a necessary lesson, I suppose.”

“Maybe next time you can try to explain something to them yourself though.” It was only a suggestion, but the truth was you wanted to challenge Arthur just a little further, not only to get some more help from him, but to prove to him that he was capable of much more than he limited himself to. Even in just a couple months of attending the rehearsals, he’d managed to co-write the script with you, learn how to talk to kids and give them many creative prompts. You knew for a fact that with some practice, he could find his way back to theater in more ways than just as a spectator and a critic. 

“I could do that,” he nodded, seeming grateful that you would trust him with it. But that wasn’t the end of your request. 

“Well, I wanted to ask one more thing of you, actually. Let’s be honest, you pretty much wrote this scene yourself. And you had some really helpful notes for the staging. So why don’t you take over for the rest of the rehearsal today?”

Arthur stared at you as though you just suggested something unthinkable. His eyes traveled to the group of kids sitting on the floor and snacking or showing off their newest toys, and then back to you.

“You mean direct them? I couldn’t, no,” he said, quick and resolute. 

“Why not? You’ve been watching me do it for months. You even participated, multiple times. I fully believe you can do it, Arthur. And it would mean a lot to me if you at least tried. I’ll be right here, I’ll help you out if you don’t know how to approach something. I’ll even give you a cut of my pay if that’s what you’re concerned about.”

“Oh please,” Arthur scoffed, “you know it’s not about that in the slightest. I’m happy to help in any way I can, I just don’t know why you’d even want me to interfere with your work like this. I know it might be hard to believe after everything I said after that first performance, but seeing you work with them- you’re an excellent director. You know just what to say to set their imaginations soaring, I can’t do that.” 

Your hand found his discretely again. He looked down, a slight flush creeping up into his cheeks.

“Here you are underestimating yourself again. Remember what you told me about learning? This is the perfect opportunity for you to learn. Not just how to do things, but what you already can do, even if you keep telling yourself otherwise. Please, Arthur.” You made sure to hold eye contact the whole time, and even though you could tell a part of him wanted to avoid it, he couldn’t look away. 

“You’re not playing fair, you know that? I can’t believe you’re making me even consider-”

A shrill scream interrupted Arthur’s sentence, making you promptly let go of his hand and walk towards the source of the sound, which turned out to be Lexi. 

“What’s going on here? Lexi?” you asked, a worried edge to your voice.

“Nothing,” said Andy, crossing his arms across his chest. 

“Not nothing!” protested Lexi, “Andy ate my cookie. I already gave one to Emily and Erin, and this was my last one,” she sniffled. 

“Andy, why did you do that?” you asked, trying to keep up a balance between stern and gentle tone, but your nerves were starting to fail you. This was the last thing you wanted to be dealing with at that point. 

“I didn’t do anything,” Andy still carried on with his nonchalant facade. Kids this young shouldn’t find lying this effortless, you thought. 

“Alright, did any of you see who took Lexi’s cookie?” you tried another approach, realizing you couldn’t exactly solve the situation unless you got a direct confirmation that Andy was indeed the thief, even if you had no reason to believe otherwise. The reply you got was a disappointing mix of “no” and “I don’t know”. You let out a heavy sigh, your exhaustion catching up to you. 

“I didn’t think you were capable of lying, Andy.” Hearing Arthur’s voice right behind you startled you at first, but the surprise was soon replaced by a wave of relief. You had to hold back a chuckle at how strict his eyes appeared through his glasses. You hadn’t seen that look in a while. 

“I’m telling the truth,” Andy tried again, but this time his act faltered. Even if Arthur wasn’t intimidating through his reputation alone, his impressive height was definitely commanding respect, especially in a six-year-old’s eyes.

“Are you now?” Arthur didn’t have to say or do anything else, the mere tone of his voice (which was surprisingly still very level) combined with his overall presence was enough to crack the tiny thief, who was suddenly blushing and looking directly to the ground.

“Alright, it was me,” he said, almost too quiet to hear. 

“Excuse me, what was that?” asked Arthur, a barely noticeable smile on his lips.

“I ate it, okay? I’m sorry, Lexi,” said Andy, louder this time, but still refusing to meet anybody’s eye. 

“It’s alright… If you give me some of your candy.” Lexi looked much more cheerful already, confidently presenting her conditions to him. 

“That’s a good idea, what do you say Andy?” Arthur turned to the boy, who agreed and reached for his bag of gummies immediately. He let Lexi pull out a whole handful of candy and Arthur nodded in approval. 

“And now there’s just one more person you should apologize to.” Andy looked up at him with a puzzled expression, while Arthur gestured towards you. 

“Your teacher perhaps? For lying like this?” 

Andy’s cheeks heated up again, as he stood up and brought you the bag of candy. 

“I’m sorry, I won’t lie again,” he said, his eyes pleading with you to forgive him. You took a watermelon-shaped gummy candy and thanked him for the apology, relieved the conflict had been solved quickly and painlessly. You were impressed by how well Arthur had handled the situation, showing as clear as day how wrong he was in his perception of himself yet again. 

“Good, good. Oh thank you Andy,” Arthur also accepted a candy from the (now almost empty) packet, “And the rest of you, I believe you’ve had more than enough time for your snacks, haven’t you?” Apart from a few objections here and there, most kids agreed with him. 

“Your teacher deserves a break after all this mischief, so I’ll rehearse this scene with you,” he added, shooting you a quick look and a smile, silently confirming to you what you had been hoping he would decide to do. You mouthed a “thank you”, your affection for him bubbling up in your chest, stronger than it had ever been.

You sat down in the spot that was usually his, watching as he ushered the children back to the little stage, and with a script in hand, started going over the scene you had left unfinished before the break. You could tell he was nervous, and it seemed as though he turned back to look at you, searching for support or approval, almost every couple minutes. You had no reason to blame him for that though: after all, knowing him the way you did at that point, you knew what he must have been going through in order to push himself to do this. And you couldn’t be prouder of him in that moment. Every one of his interactions with the children you observed during that rehearsal was just another proof of how much work he had put into this, into himself. It all had come from inside him of course, otherwise he wouldn’t have gotten anywhere - but the thought that you had been there for the journey from the very start, that you might have even facilitated it in a way, made your heart feel like it was growing impossibly large in the confines of your ribcage. You had to come clean to yourself, you were in love with him.

[insect-library]

Little angel dust feels bad about his regression and he starts to repress it because he doesn't bother husk?

Aaaaaaa this one is so saddd!!!

Notes: pleasssse ignore the weird format, i did both of their povs.

Sorry if u wanted an actual storyy,,,

Husk's pov🥀

💔 Husk would notice (after a week or so) that Angel isnt talking too much to him about agere (and isnt talking really at all)

💔 eventually husk decides to talk to angel abt it, he finds him alone at one point to ask whats up

💔 Angel breaks down basically, just mumbling and going on abt how he didnt want to bother him and he felt like hed been annoying by sharing stuff with Husk.

💔 Husk just holds him and comforts him for a bit, eventually playing with angel for around an hour or two after he calms down and gets comfy again

Angel's pov🌸

💔 Angel started overthinking about his regression, and how people around him saw it

💔 he specifically thought about husk, and questioned why hed want to be around him so much

💔 instead of actually asking, he just assumed Husk hated him, and his regression, so he started to reject his regression and force it away when he could

💔 this reallly affected him. Making it hard to keep going in daily life, and putting stress on him (more than normal)

💔 eventually it got so bad he stayed in his room for as long as he could, kinda starting a depressive episode

💔 Angel was asked about it by husk when it was at its worse, and he couldnt handle everything on top of the loaded question, so he broke down

💔 he cried with husk, apologizing so much (way too much)

💔 husk told him that of course he wasnt burdened by his regression or him at all, it wasnt his fault and he didnt need to be punished for coping

💔 Husk and angel sat together talking for a while

💔 Angel eventually calmed down, and got to be little in peace, playing with husk

[somekindofsentience]

Foreshadowing in Omori and its manga: a critique

I'm back again, although it's been a while since I've written anything. I'm waiting on more Dreamscape chapters to formulate an analysis on Mari.

Omori Spoilers and Omori Manga Spoilers under the cut

Omori has poor foreshadowing, in the manga and the game, but for different reasons. And I can tell from one chapter.

Firstly, a rundown on the narrative device itself - foreshadowing provides an advance hint toward the events of the story. It's a very common device, but it's actually relatively difficult to do well. There's a very fine line between too obvious and too subtle, especially with the expectation of twists.

Foreshadowing in these types of psychological horror games tends to be very subtle, take Doki Doki as an example, and further foreshadowing in games like Yume Nikki is so subtle that the reality of the world isn't even evident at all. While this can be frustrating for the players, it's actually incredibly important, allowing you to theorise and discuss.

In the original Omori game, foreshadowing was often too abstract and subtle to be properly understood by a player - and this was fundamentally because there foreshadowing was so widespread, it overwhelms the player as they attempt to discover the truth.

Let me cite an example. Daddy Long-Legs belongs to a group I'll call the "Truth creatures" - characters like Stranger, the various Somethings, Hellmari, Phobias etc. He exists in a portion of Pyrefly Forest which foreshadows the truth of Headspace. But he's purposeless as a character otherwise, he only appears in a corner of Black Space 2 that is practically inaccessible to those on the Truth route. Why would you introduce a new character, one who becomes irrelevant, to foreshadow a part of the game that would be far better foreshadowed by Stranger? Someone who is actually relevant? This convoluted choice feels unnecessary, adding characters for the sake of subtlety.

In a similar way, the Somethings, Phobia bosses and Hellmari are loosely linked, and it's not quite explicit where each comes from and the relevance of each to the truth. Where's the distinction between the Mari Something and the others? Where does the game show me an explicit difference between the formation of Something and the formation of the Phobias? Why aren't Hellmari and Something more related, considering the events that formed them? A better foreshadower would be able to accurately make these distinctions, leading to overall better contrast between the recital day and the formation of the Phobias.

This is also incredibly obvious in Black Space, where the foreshadowing and symbolism ramps up. I will say it here, there is no way anyone will ever understand the purpose and analysis of every single area, object and NPC in Black Space. As a result, while it feels magnificent, there's so much that feels pointless, as well. This worked in Yume Nikki because it is very focused on this premise of "no real truth", but since Omori has a real truth and a real reason for Black Space's existence, it makes so many objects and areas feel pointless to analyse and overthink. Again, it's this insistence on adding things upon things to make foreshadowing far too abstract and impossible to understand.

Music and its importance to the truth was also very poorly foreshadowed. While I can understand, from a repression perspective, why Mari playing the piano or Sunny playing the violin was only very very subtly foreshadowed in the music itself, there is a point where you do need to make it obvious to the players, otherwise it feels like this idea of Sunny playing the violin is just thrown onto the players with no real interrelation. Similarly, Mari's character was far too hidden, where it isn't evident at all that Mari is a human with emotions - she's portrayed as a God the entire game. Again, too much subtlety has led to story beats feeling out-of-place and underrepresented.

However, in the manga, foreshadowing makes events very obvious to the reader, making me question the goals of this manga at all - are you really going to introduce Omori to new audiences in such a rushed and evident way? Making everything obvious and clear, when foreshadowing was such a key element to the original game? The whole point of the twist was it was completely unexpected!!

Immediately as we get into the manga, it's already obvious that Mari and violins are relevant to the truth. I wouldn't be surprised if the dialogue that Mari speaks during the Hellmari sequence is related to the argument between Mari and Sunny on the recital day, and I would be so disappointed if they chose to immediately out key dialogue that was not present in the original game.

Furthermore, why on Earth would you immediately reveal the hidden part of Mari's character in the first chapter? Mari is supposed to be perfect, at least in Sunny's mind. The game absolutely goes too far with this - it was a fundamental failure to have no dialogue in the Truth segment, as it led to so many misinterpretations of Mari as a character - but you choose to reveal her anger and humanity now???? NOT LATER??? NOT LIKE A BIT LATER?? SO WE CAN PERCIEVE HER AS PERFECT??

I'm not even going to get into the mischaracterisation of Aubrey, portraying her as evil and horrible without the very necessary exploration of how her relationship with Kel influences her actions.

I want to have faith in the manga. I want to enjoy it, but, just, the pacing and foreshadowing is already off. I'm worried. At least the horror art is gorgeous.

a summary of this analysis. HOW THE FUCK DID YOU MESS UP FORESHADOWING IN BOTH DIRECTIONS??

song i listened to while writing

i've been obsessed with the beef recently, it's so funny.

[ellaspore]

So going off on this post by @biochemjess I wanted to expand further upon some thoughts. Take this with a grain for salt as this is my personal interpretation based on my life experience.

For me both options @biochemjess laid out in her post are true and there have been hints spread out in all the episodes. 

I have read Kawi as demi since episodes 3 / 4 . The whole being fixated on Pear for years, the being a virgin until he was 30 pointed out to me that he didn't view sex as that important (as he said in episode 10), he wasn't in love with the idea of Pear because she was attractive, he found her beautiful but in an innocent way. Now while all the above is true I think that the show has also been showing us that Kawi does feel a slowly growing attraction to Pisaeng that gets stronger as the episodes go on, an attraction that  grows along with his feelings.

I think camera work was used together with music effects since episode 3 to show when this was happening.

Up until episode 8 we saw Kawi fight his feelings for Pisaeng and using alcohol to act both on those and his attraction because it made him braver and less prone to be anxious and overthink things.

Now he left alcohol as a coping mechanism behind and accepted his feelings for Pisaeng in episode 8 but he is still struggling with his growing attraction and what it means for him and their relationship. If we pay enough attention in episode 9 he shut down all the kissing attempts between him and Pisaeng and I do think it's due to him trying to process what and how he is feeling about all of this.

The issue was further exacerbated by his talk with Max during episode 10. I admit here that the whole talk could have been handled better and while I don't think it had this intention I could totally see how it could come across as ace erasure. However if we look at this conversation not as applying to a broader audience but being character-specific it makes it have much more sense. I don't think Max's purpose here was to provide answers but to ask questions and make Kawi reflect on what he wants. We know Kawi tends to run away from problems and try not to think about difficult things but Max's purpose in the story has always been to question him and to push him into action exactly like he did in episode 6 during the gay bar scene (which resulted in Kawi getting drunk and kissing Pisaeng).

I think it's also important to understand how Kawi's, Max's and Pisaeng's different attitudes to sexual desire colour how they think about it and how they behave. Max's attitude is that of someone who has fully accepted his sexual desires because he knows himself, who he is and what he wants. Pisaeng's attitude is that of someone who has repressed himself for his whole life and now he is just so eager to take this new step forward because that's something he is now allowed to do. Now coming back to Kawi, his attitude is that of someone whose sexual desires are unknown. He hasn't thought about them really, hasn't thought about where he stands. His answers during his conversation with Max seem to me not as a way to evade the issue. That's why I think Max says that "sex is important to know oneself". It wouldn't be true for anyone and it's totally valid to know you are ace without trying to have sex but I don't think again this totally applies to Kawi. Kawi's is a character that doesn't know himself. His feelings, his desires, the unknown scare him and he does need to try and be pushed to come to a conclusion.

And I think that's exactly what's happening in the latter half of episode 10. All interactions with Pisaeng happen exactly after Kawi's talk with Max and we see Kawi absolutely panicking and running away and evading the issue. I think it's important here to note that for the last episodes Kawi was the one to force conversation between him and Pisaeng in order to avoid misunderstandings, the fact he didn't want to talk about sex with Pisaeng tells me he was still trying to understand where he stood exactly.

The whole evening and the date was Kawi being all in his head about what he was feeling and being scared and ignorant of his desires. But I don't think he wasn't feeling it or wanting in his own way. It's only in the restaurant that Kawi comes to the realisation that he was projecting his panic onto Pisaeng and that he was hurting him.

By the end of the night we see that Kawi has reached his conclusion, has come to a decision and he wants to try and have sex with Pisaeng. I do think there was a whole talk before this that they will get back to next episode.

Now my whole key apart from the discussion with Max that cemented that Kawi is demi, afraid of his desires but feeling attraction for Pisaeng is another scene we have in episode 10. It may be me reading a little bit too much into it but there is this scene when they are eating breakfast that may seem unrelated but which striked me as significant

Again this is personal interpretation based on my personal experience, but I feel like in this scene Kawi was struck dumb a little bit by what exactly Pisaeng's thumb wiping his mouth was making him feel. If you aren't used to sexual attraction is inconsequential moments like this that strike you the most, make you stop, the sudden spark.

So to sum it up, I think this episode cemented my belief of Kawi being demi and trying to come to terms and being afraid of what the growing attraction to Pisaeng is making him feel.

@lutawolf @biochemjess @coconuts-mafia

[mynonclicheblog]

After seeing the first 5 minutes, it's VERY clear that both Ben & Devi's actions post-boink are very much (virtually 100%) being driven by fear and insecurity. They both feel awkward that it wasn't some epic fairytale First Time (because that happens sooooo often to teenagers in the real world, right?) and they're overthinking each others' behavior to the point that it's clouding their judgement.

I'd like to talk about them both, but I'm going to focus mainly on Ben since he appears to be our little troublemaker this season (compare w/ Devi's season 2) - and also, I think I have a better idea where his emotional/romantic development arc is going this season. To start off:

I'm sorry to the dxtons who tried to relay this scene in the most disparaging and anti-ben way possible, but this is the face of a boy who WANTS to talk. A boy who was surprised and excited when Devi turned towards him because he really really likes her and it seems like she's actually initiating communication- for real this time! All he's ever wanted was for them to talk candidly about their feelings!

...But then, like a teenage dum-dum (who is still nursing the wounds from two years ago), he hits the panic button. I, uh- I should probably hit the hay.

This swallows up the crumb of hope Devi was clinging to that maybe, just maybe, the whole thing wasn't as bad as she'd thought - and as we see in her following scene with Elfab, sure enough, she has been drowning in fear that she didn't measure up.

Girl... no he wasn't 😂 you were embarrassed for you, and Ben was embarrassed for Ben! [John McEnroe voice] That's how this works!

But it's just a great example of my very first point: that all of their thoughts, actions, and perceptions are based in insecurity right now. Fortunately for Devi, she has two supportive besties who know both her and Ben, who are here to talk and help her work through what to do next.

But as Ben tells Dwight Howard... he doesn't have any friends. So he resorts to a complete stranger.

I want to quickly point out the parallels between Ben & Devi's dialogue here (Devi in the last section and Ben in this one). They are both thinking about themselves. They're worried/making the assumption that the other person thought they... ehm... performed badly, and now they are confiding in other people rather than clearing it up with each other (because they're idiots [affectionate]).

Devi makes a great first step by inviting Ben out for coffee, and can I just say how PROUD I AM OF HER? Like, yes, love! Open up that avenue of communication! Talk it out! There's nothing to be afraid of!

But across the valley, Ben tells Dwight Howard that after having sex, Devi "didn't say anything, she just got up and sprinted out"... but that's not really what happened, is it? Ben fumbled the ball when he offered to call her an Uber, and Devi took that as her cue to leave. We (and Dwight) are listening to Ben's inaccurate retelling of events, skewed by the post-boink anxiety he's been stewing in. This boy who was once delighted that Devi turned over in bed to talk, has since repressed the mortifying moment that followed wherein he blew her off. Now all he remembers is her darting out the door.

In accordance with spoilers, it looks like Devi's Starbucks text comes through while Ben is still talking with Mr. Howard - and since Ben provided him with a misleading picture of how things went down, Dwight is going to tell him that Devi doesn't really love him. That she's just going to hurt him again. That he deserves someone who brings out the good in him. (All of this coming from a man who doesn't know Ben, has never even met Devi, and has no insight whatsoever into the relationship he's advising.)

Unfortunately for Devi (& us), this is Ben's biggest fear, so he listens. He takes the easy road yet again and pursues the less scary option... but she's still not Devi.

I truly believe that in the first few episodes when Ben talks to Devi, he is doing nothing more than basically parroting what others have told him. Why? Because those words will justify his urge to continue retreating to safety; they will enable him to avoid confronting his biggest emotional truth, something he's been running from for two years. As much as he obviously, clearly WANTS to give into his feelings for Devi, he's still afraid. And even though she's the one who hurt him, he still thinks she is incredible (which she is!!!), and that he couldn't possibly live up to what she deserves. There's so much to unpack here and I think this is a great way to make the events of season 2 a relevant topic again without being contrived.

Similar to Devi in seasons 2 & 3, I think Ben's arc is going to be about gaining the self-worth to stand on his own rather than passively agreeing to what others think he should do (i.e. Dwight and Margot).

The back half of the season will be Ben not only overcoming his greatest fear by talking with Devi and learning how deeply and genuinely she wants him this time around, but in doing so, he's going to become more confident in his relationship with her and learn to make his own decisions regarding it. He will learn that he can trust his own instincts again, no longer paralyzed by heartbreak or feelings of inferiority. He can trust Devi with his heart now. She's all in.

[hatredcurse]

Sakura nervously looked at the neatly wrapped present she had in her hands, then to the door that loomed in front of her. Her heart pounded against her chest. She felt so silly being so nervous about simply knocking on the door. But Sakura just had the habit of overthinking things. What if he’s annoyed by her visit? Or hate the gift she got him? She had been planning the gift for over a month. Winter has hit the village hard this year. Thick snow covered the ground. It’s the coldest winter Sakura has experienced in a long time. So… She got Sasuke a custom made sweater. He always preferred useful gifts over nonsensical gifts that would simply take up space in his home. That’s why she got him the sweater, and then hand knitted the scarf for him. It wasn’t perfect. Sakura was never good at artsy things like knitting and sewing but with Hinata’s help, she was able to make something at least functional.  The sweater was a dark blue color, with the Uchiha crest on the back of it. The front was decorated with white, diamond shaped designs across the chest. It was made of a soft, warm material. Sakura didn’t realize it until the sweater was already made that it matched her own sweater. Hers being red with the Haruno crest in the back. She hoped he didn’t mind that, or think she intentionally did it. Reminded her of how uncreative she was.  It was a known secret that Sakura had feelings for him. She loved him. But she never pushed her feelings onto him. It was hard to tell how he felt about her. He wasn’t the easiest person to read but she didn’t mind. Sasuke clearly didn’t hate her, and that’s good enough for her. Oh no… What if he thought she was forcing her feelings onto him with this gift? A whole new worry danced through her brain. Sakura quickly shook her head, pushing all those thoughts away. Taking a deep breath, and letting it out in a puff of mist from the cold. She wasn’t about to let her anxieties cause Sasuke to celebrate by himself!  Not allowing herself to dwell more on her own thoughts any longer, Sakura marched forward towards the door and knocked on it. The moment the door opened, Sakura held out the messily wrapped present with a blush on her face, “M-merry Christmas, Sasuke! I… I didn’t want you to celebrate by yourself. I hope you like it, I put a lot of thought into it.” She stammered a bit, her cheeks going from pink to almost the same red color as her sweater. // @hana-akari

Keeping track of time was something that Sasuke began to struggle with post Fourth-shinobi war. It was an unintentional side effect spurred on by the mishandling of his repressed trauma. He could recognize and understand the date, the day of the week, but as far as truly considering the time of year, the season, or any important historical markings, it often slipped by him, unnoted.

He didn't consider it a big deal. Outside of his assigned tasks, no one expected anything of him, anyways. Appear when needed, fuck off when not. For years, he had hardly been around, so its not like his absence is regarded unless something happened pertaining to him or his deeds.

On this particular night, Sasuke sat perched on his back porch, overseeing the lake that sat in the center of the abandoned Uchiha Estate, sitting with himself and a mug of warm tea. The steam swirled into curls and dissipated into the chilly evening air. Perfect conditions for a perfect night.

He sat with his thoughts, thinking over and over about nothing that was important anymore; daydreaming about a life he'll never live, fixing things that can never be fixed. At this point, it was routine and he was living it.

Was routine— then the door knocked.

The Uchiha thought that he was hearings things again, but when he came to his senses, he felt the dense layer of chakra standing behind the door, which pulled a deep, exasperated sigh from him. Wasn't he off tonight? What could they possibly want?

Standing from his spot, he did not have his usual cloak; just a black turtleneck and his usual black pants. This was him being immodest, but he answered the door anyways not caring if he appeared unprepared.

"Look- oh," his stern, unfriendly tone died at the realization and, suddenly, he cleared his throat," Sakura... I wasn't expecting you."

Merry Christmas, Sasuke. Her vibrant voice called to him with all the warmth one could never get during cold months like this.

The unexpected kindness hit him square in the chest and kickstarted his heart, nearly edging a cough out of him.

"Please, come inside," he ushered her in and close the door behind, so none of the cold air trailed.

In her hands was a wrapped gift, prepared with love no less, and there he stood with nothing in return. He wasn't going to beat himself up over it, how would he know?

"You didn't have to gift me anything," he said first before a thought crossed his mind, then adding," you... aren't worried with being alone with me?"

Sasuke paused, feeling stupid for mentioning that at all, but it'd be a lie to say that it didn't run through this mind at all. Especially whenever she was in proximity to him. The way people would jeer and loudly warn him about his involvement of her, even if he was not meeting with her at all, save for his job. Though, hopefully she won't catch on to whatever he was yammering about as he vanished into the kitchen to also prepare her a mug of the same tea he was enjoying. At least the pot was still fresh.

[moonchildridden]

hey, I hope your day is going well. I’m curious to know your top 5 favorite bl series/movie

Hey love, my day is going fine, and I hope yours as well. So...this question took me a while to get an answer because my top 5 changes a bit after I watch some series and it's difficult for me to get a definitive and solid set of series that I would kill to watch again and again, non stop. But I got it...I guess (this is for series that already finished airing and based on some that are still airing and I really like it, this list can change at any moment)

5. Bad Buddy

Enemies to lovers? Slow burn? Mutual pining? Angst? Pain and suffering? Bad Buddy provided me with that in a good amount and even doubled a bit in some of those aspects for good measure just to make me suffer a bit. Granted, the novel had more of angst than the series, but it got angst nonetheless and I LOVED IT!

Emotionally constipated characters like Pran are a very truthful representation of how I am in real life and how difficult it is for me to navigate in personal relationships without overthinking to the point of freaking out when something actually happens (episode 5, specially the rooftop scene, was one of my favorite episodes of the series, because of the amount of feelings it managed to pour in those two characters. I even wrote something in Pran's POV of the kiss, and it hurts me to read til this day)

Also, the OST was absolute fire and Nanon (one of my bl boy) was in it, so I was sold.

4. Manner of Death

I don't usually talk about my favorite midia but if there is something that I adore in story genre is police investigation, murder and suspense. Give me a good mystery to solve, good places puzzles to put in place, dubious characters and I will follow you into the dark like a character in a horror movie. Even if MaxTul weren't the actors portraying the protagonists of the story, I would've watched because Sammon is a good writer and I really enjoy her stories.

This story also gave me mutual pining (TanBun really wanted to get on each other but we're simply repressing themselves, Bun more than Tan, for obvious reasons), fire chemistry, a spoon of angst (I really love to suffer, I know), swiftly adopted son (Sorawit is TanBun's child and I won't accept contrary opinions on that) and a happy ever after (or a happy for now, because we really want "Transplant", the continuation of MoD, to be adapted as a series and the chances are getting higher by the minute).

3. Vice Versa

Stories with supernatural/fantastical aspects have me by the neck, let's start with that. So, when I heard there was a series with parallel universes involved, my interest got picked immediately and I waited to see what I was going to be served (JittiRain, just like MAME, has a reputation of starting well her stories but midway do something that would ruin one or both characters, or even be sus the entire story), considering that I had liked two series based on her novels (2gether and Theory of Love). PuenTalay became my babies the second they met on that airport bathroom. Literally a soulmate meeting.

Another emotionally constipated character in the form of, well, both of them, in various degrees, and two people with an absurd will to love but not having the chance to explore the way they can really love until they are forced to spend time in a different universe than theirs, searching for a way to go back. It was so beautiful to see Puen have a chance to be himself, even if it was in somebody else's body, explore more his interests, gain friends, a family, learn how to express himself, how to pursue something he really wants and how to fight for what he wants; Talay, my sweet boy, someone who also wanted to love but his life was constantly in a blue color mood, only focusing on work because his love life was empty and no one seemed to get his attention, learned how to let go and just enjoy life for the simple things it can offer.

Both of them had an incredible growth, learned how to deal with their insecurities, how to lean on other people when they have a problem, how good it can be to let other person paint your life in a different color. "And now he paints my life pink forever" line, you'll always be famous.

2. Triage

Another Sammon work being adapted into a series (when I say that woman has me in a chokehold, I'm not joking. And when I say that stories with supernatural/fantastical elements also has me in a chokehold, I'm definitely not kidding. This time, were going time loop.

It took is almost three full years to have this series airing, and while some people had already lost all hope of seeing that happening, I kept waiting for it, because TaeTee really wanted to star in this series. And the wait was reeeeeeeeealy worth it.

Granted, there are a lot of differences between the source material and the series, mainly all the story surrounding the human organ trafficking stuff, that wasn't exactly on the novel. The novel focused on piecing together the reason Tin was involved with Tol, what was their relationship and why he was the only only being tasked with saving that boy from dying, over and over again. Seeing the disastrous attempts from Tin to approach Told and warn him about his death, starting from directly telling him that he was going to die (too straightforward, my friend, are you insane?) to make Tol break up with his girlfriend and fall in love with him, so he could save him (very weird plan, my guy) and how things slowly unfold between them was something that I enjoyed reading and watching, and would love to forget everything so I could experience the feelings I had while watching it for the first time.

1. Love In The Air

At this point, are we even surprised with this?

Seriously, I didn't even wanted to watch this series (MAME and her reputation have the power to push away potential viewers in the speed of light, I'm a living proof of that) and was going to let this one pass but then I decided to watch the first episode and see how things would turn out. Not gonna lie, I'm glad I decided to watch the first episode the day it came out.

Payu grabbed my attention with his long hair in a ponytail and his Daddy vibe. Prapai decided to step in and whistle, and I was sold. Rain was my baby himbo, so innocent and fragile that I wanted to keep him wrapped in bubble plastic and never let him go anywhere. Sky called to me because I, unknowingly, saw myself in him. PayuRain and PrapaiSky are literally two sides of the type of relationship I would like to have: as someone with a fairly long lost of kinks, having someone who not only understands but also encourages the exploration of said kinks and the possible discover of many others, Payu is the type of person I would like to have by my side, someone who's secure and stable in their skin, knows how to live their live and has a heart of gold (also because I can be bratty sometimes, give a brat tamer, I would love to push their buttons, just for the kicks. And as someone who is a trauma holder, Prapai is the embodiment of the idea that I would find someone who would understand my pain, my hesitation and my fears and, instead of forcing me to overcome them while I'm not exactly ready, would be by my side every step of the way, being a safe haven, reminding me that I did not deserve what happened to me and that I'm not a broken person or undesirable.

I love how they are so fundamentally different but manages to win my heart in a way that not many couples did and I continue to love them even more everyday. It doesn't matter if my heart leans more towards PrapaiSky (again, trauma holder here, it was bound to happen), I will always carry my weather boys in my heart until the day I die.

I know you only asked for my top 5 but every time I think about my favorite BL series, there is this one series that even if it's not on the top, will always be the favorite amongst all favorite, not only because it was my first bl but also because the amount of identification aspects I found in one of its characters really hooked me and till this day, I smile every time I think about it. So, a honorable mention:

SOTUS/SOTUS S

Many people have various opinions about this one, about a lot of things, but what makes this particular story stick out to me is the fact that Arthit's self discovery journey felt a lot like my own journey, down to a T (or almost down to a T). How he never really thought about it, used to make jokes about queerness but was really not homophobic, how he was "forced" to deal with it by having Kongpop kick his way into his life, the brief "enemies/haters to lovers" thing going on between them, the pining, the leap of faith, the doubts, them trying this new relationship to both of them (I have a headcanon that Kongpop is demissexual but that's not the point here), and how the support of their friends was really important.

And that's just SOTUS. The second season (one of the few early series that didn't have a cheating plot on the second season or a breakup in the penultimate episode of the first season) tackled the transition from the University life, a controlled environment, to the working world, where your life and what you do in it affect more than it is supposed to, how we need to constantly come out to other people, the development of their relationship, how being outed affects your life, your head, the way you react to the situation, how society becomes more judgemental the older you get, how they managed to overcome that; the side stories where one of my favorite things in SOTUS S, and gave us a more in-depth look into their private life, how they were managing that new stage in their lives, how their love continued to grow.

Don't get me started on their episode in Our Skyy, because I cried like a bitch when I watched the first time (without subtitles, because it was a LINE TV production, that primarily only distributed that in Thailand), and then with subtitles because it was so good. Being a couple that has to maintain their relationship at distance is not something I would like to see anyone go through (been there, done that) and when Arthit cried while talking with Kongpop about it...it broke my heart. Fortunately, everything got ok in the end, and my heart was healed.

Well, there you have it. It was really difficult to get to this definitive top 5, when I could rant about so many series, but these are the ones that really managed to grab my heart, tie it into a chair and don't let go. It got longer than I intended but what to expect from someone who got known here by making analysis and theories posts, right?

Ask my top 5 anything

[mangodestroyer]

Currently working two jobs, and I'm wondering if one of them is even worth it.

Job one: TONS of busy work, some interaction with clients (where the clients don't understand shit that they honestly really should), working with legal documents, can easily break the law on accident because there are a lot of them involved with this line of work, understaffed and disorganized, and now I have a co-worker getting on my case over the state of the office when I literally just started, have no experience in this line of work, and only come in ten hours a week. Literally grilling me like she's a coach and going on some theatrics about how "tired" she is because of this place. And then proceeds to be unprofessional by going on her phone a lot and talking about some very personal issues at work and making controversial statements such as, "In this world, it's her word against his!" (and ofc, she's allowed to converse with others, but when I talk about anything she seethes and assigns me a task). Not even sure what her problem is because I'm always getting myself busy with SOMETHING.

Job two: Laid-back environment, interesting work involving entertainment, get to spend most of my time alone in a dark room, customer interactions happen very little and are honestly so fucking easy to navigate, and the co-workers have, so far, been easy to get along with. Also... I hardly even do much during this job and pretty much get paid to watch movies and concerts and shit.

Both of these jobs pay $13 an hour... There are plenty of other jobs that also pay that amount. Or more!

With job one, I feel like I fell into another trap of, "Wait... why am I even doing this/putting up with this for so little pay?" With job two, it's more like, "Wow... I can't believe people are bothering to pay me for this. This job is so easy! I would do something like this for free! BUT OFC KEEP PAYING ME!" Not to mention... job two also ended up leading me to the opportunity to participate in the orchestra rehearsal at my school.

I know job one could look very good on your resume... but again, it just seems like stress for such little pay. And tbh, I really don't want to pigeonhole myself into that kind of work. I'd much rather get so many other things on my resume. Like, idk, something actually related to my field? And I feel petty for letting this co-worker get on my nerves. But something about her REALLY rubs me the wrong way and I actually dread the idea of being in the same room as her. CONSTANTLY. And I've dealt with co-workers like this in the past... it was REALLY annoying figuring out ways to cope with the job/navigate whatever dumb bs they're throwing at me. And for $13 an hour??? Putting up with this for months? Even years? Putting up with it for more hours every week during Christmas break and the summer? Idk... I feel like at this point, I could only put up with a job like that if it paid a LOT more! Like... if I was earning 200K a year... sure! Ofc people would probably have higher expectations of me! Ofc I'd expect there to be stress!

Also: I'm not sure why some people in the workplace think that treating this like the military works. That's a leadership style that just doesn't work for me. Personally, I find it cringe and childish. It doesn't make me feel any more motivated to work in a fast-paced, high-stress environment. I have issues with anxiety and have been through some traumatic things, so actually, I'm a lot more efficient and competent as an employee when I'm relaxed and comfortable and actually enjoy the people I'm working with. Getting stoned regularly literally helped me with that back when I worked in retail. It helped me not overthink the job and actually get things done and get them done well! Another thing about this leadership style is that I just don't work well with "hierarchies." I don't like kissing up to people or feeling like I'm "lesser." It just gives me the strong urge to say something snippy (which I somehow repress). I don't respect people who try to act domineering. I'd much rather work by myself or at least have the option to collaborate with others.

I might not be a good fit for the job.

[denimbex1986]

'****

On the surface All of Us Strangers is about Adam (Andrew Scott — Fleabag, Sherlock, His Dark Materials), a London-based screenwriter suffering from writer’s block and his attempts to push on with the screenplay he’s trying to write about his parents, but it quickly develops into so much more than that. It’s about family ties. About love lost and found. It’s a story about belonging and being on the outside.

It’s also a story about the UK. Its humor, regional accents and most of all its culture. This is a movie that’s steeped in 1980s pop culture references — Adam constantly watches Frankie Goes to Hollywood or Pet Shop Boys on Top of the Pops reruns or sifts through old vinyl records of Erasure and Wham! As he continues his research for his screenplay — or so he says. The more the film goes on, the more it appears Adam’s research is purely personal.

All of Us Strangers is also a story about gay lives and the monumental shifts that have taken place in government policy and social attitudes since the 1980s. These are big themes, but this film takes each weighty topic lightly, making them familiar and weaving them into daily life.

From the moment we see Adam, in his London flat, scratching around for something to eat from the half-eaten takeaway collection in his fridge, struggling to finish the opening sentence on his latest screenplay and reluctantly trudging out to the front of his building when the practice fire alarm goes off, we can understand he’s a lonely soul. Just how lonely and repressed he is, is only made clear when Harry (Paul Mescal — Normal People, Aftersun) appears — knocking at his door, completely drunk, offering Japanese whisky and desperate for company. Adam clearly would like to let Harry in and say yes — to whisky, to his company and more. Much more. But he’s too tightly wound, says no and spends a restless night overthinking his decision.

From there the movie does a sudden pivot, as it does from time to time, disorientating the viewers, and we’re in rural South London (not a contradiction in terms), Sanderstead, to be precise and Adam’s lurking in fields outside his childhood home. Eventually, he’s approached by a handsome, mustachioed stranger. But instead of this being another sexual come-on, it turns out to be his father (Jamie Bell — Billy Elliot, Rocketman) who asks him to come home and meet his mother (Claire Foy — The Crown, A Very British Scandal). But everything is strangely frozen in time — their clothes, car, home decor, and talking points are all from the late 80s.

As Adam shuttles to and fro on the train between London and Croydon, we woosh back and forth between storylines. Croydon, where Adam and his parents slowly get to know each other again exploring key moments from Adam’s childhood that have obviously proved traumatic for him. Switch to London and, in their modern (yet strangely empty) apartment block, Adam and Harry start to develop a romantic relationship that is forthright and yet tender.

The performances in this movie are outstanding. Andrew Scott shows tremendous emotional range as the man stuck in a rut, trapped by events from his childhood, yet heart-wrenchingly willing to open himself up to love and be loved. That performance has already been recognized with a Golden Globes nomination for Best Actor and there’s every chance he’ll get Oscar and BAFTA nominations too. Paul Mescal has a smaller but critical role as Harry — sensitive, yet earthy and with an energy that starts to unlock Adam’s carefully constructed barricades. Mescal creates layers of character and meaning with tiny changes of expression and tone of voice, a small glance away — when talking about his difficult home life — it’s another performance to match his Oscar-nominated turn on 2022’s father-daughter film, Aftersun. Jamie Bell and Claire Foy, as Adam’s parents, take parts that could be sentimental and mawkish and make them warm and believable.

And yet, despite the superb cinematography, soundtrack and those sterling performances, this movie doesn’t quite hang together. While Adam’s blossoming relationship with his parents feels warm, and loving and is lovely to witness, its warm suburban feel (with cups of tea and flapjacks) is totally at odds with the gritty, queer love story (with oral sex, ketamine and leather bars) in London. In another movie, the fact that Adam has these two different sides of his life might be the point of the story — a conflict to explore and, maybe, to resolve. Here, however, there’s a third (mystery) element in Adam’s life that overshadows the other two. It’s not really explained how or in what form Adam is spending time with his parents who, he explains early on, died in a car crash, when he was 12. Is it part of his screenwriting method (pure imagination), is he ill/dreaming/dead, or is this a supernatural narrative? Does Adam see dead people? Trying to unpick that conundrum understandably undercuts the other storylines and left me slightly unsatisfied. The final coda, though, was so powerful it almost pulled it back to the full five stars…'

[veritasss5]

Hello again! 😊 How are you doing?

I was wondering I i could participate in the spooky readings?

3 words that describe me: shy, weird, observant

password: I’m into spirituality because it seems really interesting and mysterious and I would like to learn more about it.

My question is what advice do my spirit guides have for me at the moment in regards to my current school situation? I’ve been feeling very overwhelmed so far and anxious, especially at this moment, and would just like to know what advice they currently have for me. (P.S. I feel bad for my spirit guides for asking them for advice again)

Thank you!

Hello!! I am doing fine thanks for asking♥️ how are you? Nice to see you again!

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Your spirit guides are sooo nice, trust me! I was feeling a little bit down (nothing serious don’t worry) and I was about to not do your reading because I want to perform all the readings well and wait for tomorrow, and then I felt their presence when I was connecting with your energy. They seem very sweet and comfy! I definitely loved their energy and felt energised♥️ It felt like they were trying to comfort me!

Moving to the reading this is what I got:

Stressing out with overthinking and anxiety won’t help you nor resolve any of your issues, I know that this is not the answer that you would like to hear but this is reality and you need to be responsible about your emotions. I am not saying that you have to repress them, but you have to be reasonable that one day you have to pick your energy and try to sort out your thoughts.

Why are you worrying? Are you scared to fail? No, the right thing to tell is: is someone pointing a gun at you and threatening your life? Is it really worth what you are doing? Do you wish well for you or curse yourself with self pity?

If you wish good for yourself, pick your courage and step by step slowly but progressively step out of your comfort zone and try things that you were scared to try.

I don’t know for example interacting more with the lessons, asking questions to the teachers when you don’t understand something, presenting and talking about projects in front of your class, asking notes or help to your classmates. I know it is not easy at this moment, but it is not good that you never take action as well.

Try things you would never try because of your fears, trust me that you will feel more good and powerful after overcoming your obstacles!

This is a small channelling, thank you so much for your guides to help me deliver their advice to you very quickly and easily🫶🏻 and especially understand me that I am not at my best right now😂

I am just disappointed of myself wasting my time on useless stuff that’s it lmaooo

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Thank you so much for trusting me and have a nice day or night!✨ don’t forget to show gratitude after the reading as rules written♥️

Reminder: if you don’t say at least “thank you”, I will remember to not give you future readings from me.