#this is my favorite vent format and i have a feeling its because i feel bad to be negative and then not have something funny at the end

[yikes-ajax-thats-sad]

Please, please I'm sorry, I said something wrong didn't I? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please don't be mad at me, I didn't mean to, I'll take it back, please don't yell at me. I'll do anything, just please don't hate me, I didn't mean to make you mad. It's not my fault, it's not my fault I swear. I'll take the brunt of your anger, I'll take anything from you, your hatred and bitterness, but please don't break me too much. You know I'm fragile. You know that, right? I'll take it, I'll take it good and I won't complain but please don't make me cry too much, my head already hurts so much and I've already spent a morning dry heaving, and I can't keep finding excuses to tell people for my absence. I just want to be loved, not this, but if this is love I will take every bit of it, just please don't be mad at me. My heart can't take it, don't you know it's already broken? I know you're not him but I find myself doomsday planning anyway. Please don't be mad.

What I actually say: ahah hey look at this picture of a cat holding carrots btw isn't that so funny

[marzzthehuman]

HELLO!☆

this is info about me+my blog!!! PLEASE READ BEFORE YOU FOLLOW!!!!!!!!1 (last updated october 24, 2024)

matching pfps with @/tex-now !!! hoorayyyy!!!!☆～（ゝ。∂） current favorite thing: INANIMATE INSANITYYYY!!! SORRY I’VE BEEN SO INACTIVE I’VE BEEN BUSY WITH SCHOOL 😔😔😔😔 meet the artist MIGHT be in progress!! yippyy!! hooray!! i also dont like how big this post is but illl work on ittt --- i’ve got a strawpage! it includes basically the same info as here but also more! and you can send me doodles and such! (i have just realized these are all things you can do on tumblr) (warning- it does contain moving images/gifs!) im aware the formatting is a little weird but i tried to make it neat :) id recommend you check it out!

I’m Marzz! (the amount of Z's does not matter!! it changes every time i type it. lately i’ve been using 2!)

i go by she/they pronouns! (AFAB) i am genderqueer and on the aro/ace spectrum!

I AM A MINOR!! (teenager)

DNI!! if you are: racist, homophobic/transphobic, an NSFW account, ableist, pedo, proship, Zionist, etc. also if you support Wilbur Soot or pusu please go away

(more, less important, info is located under the cut!! trying not the make the post TOO big!!)

If i EVER offend you in any way or say something wrong/make you uncomfy, PLEASE TELL ME!! I am never trying to be mean or disrespectful on purpose and if i have been rude to you, PLEASE inform me so i can apologize and improve my actions!!

mutuals: please tell me if you want anything tagged and I will try my best to do so!! 🫶🫶🫶🫶 for me, please tag things like nsfw/nsft (not counting on it being a common occurrence, but just in case, because some things can fall into that category!), mentions of sh and similar, and child injury, thanks!

PLEASE refrain from saying things like "this isn't real" or "you're dreaming" because it makes me upset. thank you! :)

another thing is that if you are going to make a ‘im gonna kms’ joke please use ‘/j’ or something so i know you are not serious, because saying this will get me very worried, even if i can sense you arent serious, (if i can pick up on the joke depends on how well i know you) please use a tone tag anyway!

please, please, please tag posts about suicide with ‘tw suicide’ or some variation of that please. id rather it not be mentioned around me, thanks! (if we are friends and you need to vent or something, please ask first/give me a warning. tagging it counts as a warning, im just saying if we were having a one-on-one convo)

~~

my asks are always open, so feel free to send me an ask!!!

~

About me!!

I can be energetic and am a positive and optimistic person!!! Along with that, please remember I have bad days sometimes, too!!

I love getting to know people and learning fun facts about them while also sharing fun facts about myself!!

the fandoms i am most active in are: Project Sekai. that's about it. i also like other things too! I also really like Lemon Demon, Doctor Who, and The Muppets (as in any Jim Henson production)!! (I am also into TBHK, Scott Pilgrim, Lucky Star, and Warrior Cats, though I wouldnt consider myself in the fandom) i am also into musical theatere and my favorite musical is Cats!

Trust me I know how to spell it's just keyboards are hard. yk what. words are hard.

i tend to use emoticons/kaomojis/emojis a lot!! i feel like they are helpful to getting my feeling across because online you can’t read tone or facial expressions!! (ó﹏ò｡) i also use hyperboles much more than i should, but they should be easy to spot!

guys guess. guess who my favorite pjsk character is. its the hardest thing to guess guys.

~

I write fanfiction sometimes!! You can find me on Ao3 as MarzzzzTheHuman !!

yap posts will (hopefully) be tagged with: #marzzz's yappy yap yaps ! yap posts will include either me talking about pjsk, some sort of rant, or just sharing random things. (probably most things will be tagged with this. I'm bored and have a lot of thoughts.)

just random text posts or other stuff (just random stuff basically) will be tagged with #marmalade is here

art from after july 14 2024 SHOULD be tagged with #MARZZ ART YAAAYYY ! !

'marzz, how can I talk to you?' tags of posts, (I love seeing the little messages in tags!!) asks, or DM!! I love talking to people!! 'can I call you a nickname?' Mutuals, yes!! but please run it by me first! >.< (‘marzzy’ is already a nickname given to me by a beloved friend so i’d prefer if only they call me it, thanks!) 'can I use your art?' Yes, but please ask first! I will allow my art to be used as pfps or banners (with credit) and for personal use like wallpapers. DO NOT repost my art on other sites, don't steal, and don't feed it to AI, please!

I'm just here to have fun, honestly! I mainly post art and reblog things but when i have access to my computer for an extended period of time i just say random things. If I want to. :D

this post should update somewhat regularly, but who knows!!! (I am aware this post needs serious reformatting.. and its currently under construction. kind of. I miiigghhtt make a 'meet the artist' thing but who knows lmao)

[risingshards]

Storyteller Saturday open question!

My thought for this week is about starting a new WIP, my main question being

How do you start a new WIP?

I'm curious about the methods, ideas, sparks of creativity, what have you, etc. What was the inspiring incident (s) that led to your WIPs getting off the ground? Was it in response to something else, emulating another story or rejecting one? Did you just have a character that wouldn't let go? How do you overcome the hurdles of starting something completely new? I wanna hear stories!

Me rambling about my own WIPs past the cut:

Because I've had issues starting a new WIP even though I wanna have something that's like a just me written project that I try to write tradpub with (while not neglecting Rising Shards, something I write when Rising Shards side of brain needs rest).

A lot of my projects were started around the same time and took a long long time of prototyping and figuring out to get going. I tried to do Project ZERO from scratch but it ended up being a bummer to work on because I didn't have that zinging feeling that made it work for me. Right now my creative side isn't in the mood for D6R as well, as I'm having issues with it being Rising Shards backstory and am wondering if I should just keep it as lore and not try to force something that could feel prequel-y and have content that would be important for RS that wouldn't be in RS if that makes sense.

I have one WIP with my bestie that's from scratch that's coming together nicely I feel, but my solo from scratch WIPs don't have that same benefit. I just get hung up on something and end up with a lot of frustration. I'm in a book club at work that reads new fantasy/YA stuff and I get that like "I CAN DO THIS WHY DON'T I HAVE A TRADPUB BOOK I KNOW THE FORMULAS" feeling which is hard to shake lol.

My ideal for this spark of a WIP idea would be something that's kinda formulaic just for the wants of publishers, something separate from Rising Shards in its own universe, similar to the ideas of Project ZERO in that sense, but one that isn't as stressful and blank whiteboard-y as ZERO.

My project starts for my major recent ones:

D6R: Two of my favorite series ended so I wanted to do a spiritual successor

Rising Shards: Birthed out of D6R, RS ended up out of my desire to write about a bunch of stuff I love (mainly yuri LMAO) while also venting out and dealing with personal things as well as a means to explore my own queerness (this was pretty subconscious at first but it's definitely in there from the start and heavily there where it is now) in web novel form so I can write all the things about characters I love without any restrictions, just something that's wholly me.

Versus: I really really really really wanted to write a Star Wars trilogy and I have the plot points here that will come up somewhere (likely as RS lore since this is that universe), I couldn't get this one to come together, partially because of the D6R hurdle I have rn of thinking too much about how it fits into RS lore/timeline placement.

Collab project: My bestie and I came up with OCs and wanted stuff to do with them!

My WIP starting requirements seem to be:

-I need characters I really love

-I need a major inspiration that won't get out of my head (Bionicle for D6R, yuri and LWA and a bajillion other things for RS, Star Wars for Versus)

-a format I'm excited to work in

-sincerity about what I'm working on and not cynicism

-a combo of the above giving me that spark, that feeling that I have to do this

[min-pathologica]

back on my all-nighter shit (probably a vent, definitely a vent i guess i lose my filter at 2:30 am. super long and tw vague intrusive thoughts)

trying to focus on this project but i can barely make out a single proper thought in my head, i keep making up stupid scenarios to scare myself because of my mind being all fucked up. i don’t want to think about it but guess who’s thinking about things that have zero likelihood of happening. me. but i’m scared it’ll happen anyway. why couldn’t i have my normal fears like in fall, why’d it have to switch back to the usual thoughts. i fucking hate them. like just leave these perfectly good people alone and let me see them normally instead of being too scared to make eye contact. and with how much i end up obsessing over these things and trying to avoid that person, it only makes me more scared that i would actually want those things to happen or that my fears are valid. then when i get too tired to even have a shocked or scared reaction i feel like they were true and i was just in denial. fuck. i don’t like the other flavors of thoughts but i might like this less because i can at least detach myself from the former and be sure i don’t want those things to happen, it’s more of an avoiding words and trying to will bad things away whereas this is having to fear the hell out of a normal person who i would’ve been okay with otherwise. i can barely enter a room they’re in. it’s the worst, i feel like they could be looking at me but logically they are obviously not so i mistake that thought for wanting them to look at me. fucking hell. now i’m too tired to even push those thoughts away so i came up with the dumbest scenario ever of them being a bad person like i thought and ew. i don’t know. i don’t think i have the mental willpower to even get rid of these on my own. the only thing i’ve been diagnosed with that would relate to this is anxiety, but i’m dumb and think it’s worse or different somehow. i told my new therapist about the thing i thought i could have and she said that anxiety can mimic its symptoms so i’m completely uncertain, like i feel like i have the thing i think i do but can i really trust a self-diagnosis at this point. besides it’s not even that severe. but i feel kind of sick did you know the word “osculate” can mean to kiss?? like how curves can share a common tangent on a given point of contact. i think i remember learning that a couple years ago maybe, it sounds familiar. idk my macbook screen saver is definitions. i’m looking at it because i was trying to focus on my project but couldn’t focus. this is long. why is it telling me about antimony oh cool it’s a metalloid that means it can form both ionic and covalent bonds. i googled that today while i was researching chem to procrastinate so that’s what i know about it lol. this is very long how come i can do all this writing on tumblr but not write about one measly religion for my final project?? it makes me so nervous but when i try to work on it i draw a blank and get distracted right away ugh. and then i try to focus but i can’t even think of what to do, it’d be nice if there was like an example. maybe there’s no required format? or maybe there is and if i do my own thing i’ll get told it’s all wrong on friday. but if i do nothing i may as well get insulted by my world religions teacher on friday. my thoughts are bad but this predicament might be worse. i don’t like it. i can’t even trust myself to get this done on time given all my prior experiences with being the world’s worst procrastinator. my computer just shut off because i’ve been typing this for so long. its timeout is 15 minutes. i’ve been here writing for 15 minutes. that’s so cute erm. what do i even do at this point. i was going to pull up my favorite song about burnout overworking and intrusive thoughts but how do i actually work. okay i think that’s it

[p3nope]

50’s Slang I Think Henry Would Use :)

Pairing: Henry Creel/001/Peter Ballard x Reader

Warnings: Mentions of injuries and I think that’s it

A/N: Woohoo! 2 posts in 1 day to make up for my absence. I really like 50’s slang. and 50s styled things sooo.. I feel like even tho it would be the 70s, Peter would still act as if its the 50’s since that’s the last he remembers of the real world so I FIRMLY believe he still uses 50s slang. i also looked up a list of 50s slang and its in a weird format that I’ll also put it in

Masterlist

****

Ain’t that a bite?: another version of “that’s too bad.”

You’d have your head on Peter’s lap as he was reading, one hand holding the book, the other in your hair and as you vented to him about Brenner’s treatment of the kids as Peter listened quietly. “Like, all because of that little ‘exciting’ circle battle he held the other day, it caused so much havoc. 011 has a concussion and 002 now has borderline second degree burns on his neck from his ‘punishment’”

“Hmm, well ain’t that just a bite, darling?”

Ankle-biter: a small child

Again, when Peter and you are alone just talking about your days he refers to the children as “annoying little ankle-biters.”

“That’s hardly fair, they don’t know any better…”

“That doesn’t make it any less true.”

Are you writing a book?: To imply someone is asking too many questions

Before you two started dating, or before he even considered you a friend he would think you were the most persistent and annoying person he’d ever met. You’d be asking about his childhood, Trying to get to know him, “Did you have any pets?” “No.”

“Oh, well do you have a favorite animal?”

“Spiders.”

“Oh! That’s interesting, I don’t really like them but I like out of the ordinary things as well! What kind of spider is your favorite?”

“Are you planning on writing a book about me?”

Bird dog: someone who tries to steal your s/o

Peter is jealous and possessive so if he sees you so much as laugh at someone else’s joke he has a field day. “I don’t like it when you hang around Alec. He’s a total bird dog.”

“I’m sorry- he’s a what?”

“A bird dog.” You’d stare blankly and he’d sigh, “someone who tries to take someone else’s partner.”

Curtain-Climbers: another term for small children

“I promise you, if those little curtain-climbers don’t start shaping up I’m going to lose it.” You’d burst out laughing and his head would whip over to you, slightly upset at your reaction, “What? What is so funny”

“I’m sorry, love. It’s just- I’ve never heard someone refer to children as ‘curtain-‘climbers’.

Dolly: A really cute girl

If you go by she/her pronouns he would totally call you ‘doll’ or ‘dolly’

Dreamboat: A really cute guy

And if you go by he/him pronouns he would totally call you ‘a dreamboat’ or just ‘dreamy’

Take a picture it’ll last longer: we all know what this means but it originates in the 50s

When you first met Peter you couldn’t help but stare, he was ethereal to you. Peter always felt your eyes on him as he looked up from whatever he was helping 011 with and caught you as you quickly blushed and pretended to busy yourself. And that’s what the dynamic was for awhile until he finally came up behind you and whispered, “you know, if you take a picture it’ll last longer” and then he’d walk away from your frazzled stature.

[talesofafangirlwithadvr]

October/November Picks

Long time no see! So...it’s been a little bit since I’ve posted a wrap up. I had all intentions of posting one after October, but then you know life gets ahead of you and before you know it it’s Thanksgiving. Not much has changed in my viewing habits for these past two months, so I thought I’d group them together for a mega wrap up. Hope you enjoy :)

Without further ado here come some spoilers.....

…..

….

SECRET SOCIETY OF SECOND BORN ROYALS

This Disney + original movie was one of my highly anticipated watches for the fall. I am disappointed to share that it was a let down. The concept was such a cool and creative one. Having the second born in a royal family not simply be the “spare” but be the protector...with superpowers! (In a very YA way, getting their powers at a specific age.) They just should have gone about the story in a better way. I wanted more time with them learning about the powers and to make the villain stronger. Overall the acting wasn’t bad (which is good for a Disney + original), but it was just lacking. The movie was LONG and yet much did not feel like it happened. It was cool seeing Casa Loma (the castle they filmed at) as I was just there two summers ago. Sadly, I will not be watching this movie again.  

VIOLETTA SEASON 3

We all already know how pumped I was when season 3 of Violetta was released on Disney Plus in September. I couldn’t believe it after waiting so long for the second season. I really enjoyed the beginning of this season and knew we would be headed down a road where I would grow tired of the storylines. 

We have hit that point. 

Quick Violetta rant. Things I am done with:

Roxy and Fausta plot

Fran and Diego being a secret

Herman and Priscilla

Pablo not at the studio

Milton being evil

Ludmilla lying

Recently, my sister is catching up to where I am in the season, so this has pushed me to watch more. I am on episode 43 and some of the above venting has been solved, so that is super exciting. I am finding myself wanting to watch it more now, so fingers crossed it continues to get better. 

JULIE AND THE PHANTOMS

Kenny Ortega has done it again! When I first heard the premise for this show and watched the trailer on Netflix I wasn’t too sure. Then both of my sisters watched it and they wouldn’t stop talking about it, so that was a sign that I needed to watch it. Since then, I have watched the show twice and can’t stop listening to the music. THIS. SHOW. :) I get the hype. It’s just so wholesome and feel good. The characters are well crafted and the episodes go way too fast. They are the kind of characters (and cast) that make you wish you were a part of the show. I can’t wait for the next season (because there better be one). Definitely add this one to your list if it’s not on their already. 

THE OUTPOST

The Summer CW shows were pushed to the fall line up due to delays in filming of the originally planned shows. I hope this means that they’re getting a little more love this year. The Outpost deserves it, as it is currently in its third season. (I think it might have gotten a little more now that the 100 is over and the commercial aired during the 100′s last season. Maybe people heard Black-blood and decided to give it a go.) This season has seen a new threat and during the first eight episodes there’s been MANY twists and turns, making it hard for me to remember how this season started. There’s been a lot of unrest in the Outpost and changes in who is in charge. While there are some unnecessary plot-lines (like that Tobin had to be married), I’m really enjoying others. Like how important Janzo is, his relationship with Ren, more Munt and that TALON AND GARRETT FINALLY GOT TOGETHER!!! It makes me so happy and is what we deserve after these three seasons. I love how strong both of their characters are and how they are both Warriors. I hope the season ends strong. 

PANDORA

Just like The Outpost, Pandora was originally a Summer CW show that is now airing its second season. I really enjoyed the first season (like more than I was expecting), so I went in with higher hopes for this new season. Unfortunately, I have been let down so far. With the first season, there were parts that left me confused and my biggest review of this show has always been how there were gaps or moments where I didn’t know how much time had gone by. Those kind of things I could overlook, but this season the overall plot just seems weaker. I think this in part because of so many new characters. I know a lot of the season 1 cast ended their characters’ plots away from the Academy, but I wasn’t expecting them not to be a part of this season’s story. That has been a difficult adjustment. I also feel like I only understand Jax’s story and not so much about the other government/rebellion points. It’s getting a little better, but I hope it gets to be more enjoyable. 

THE SPANISH PRINCESS--SEASON 2

When I originally was creating this list I had just started this season, and felt completely different than I do right now. I just finished this season last week. Much like my above review on Pandora, The Spanish Princess wasn’t sucking me in. I had a few episodes gather on the DVR. Then once we hit episode 3 or 4 and more drama was starting/Henry was starting to show glimpses of the Henry VIII we all know, I was growing more interested. In season 2 of the Spanish Princess, we do not see a loving Catherine and Henry for long. Problems Catherine have in conceiving a boy (male heir) are one of the main focal points, as is Woolsey’s growing influence on the king. With several sub-plots this season, I specifically enjoyed learning more about Meg in Scotland (as a big Mary Queen of Scots/Reign fan, I liked seeing a portrayal of her grandmother) as well as Princess Mary Tudor (who I was unfamiliar with. I loved her and Charlie Brandon’s relationship and wish we could have gotten more.) Each week I watched this show, I found myself Googling a lot. That is always one of my favorite parts of watching a historical drama based on true events. I know right now it looks like the producers aren’t continuing with the Tudor line and might have a different part of history as their next show, but I wish they would. I’m feeling the call to watch the Tudors as it’s on Netflix and I haven’t seen it before. I want to learn more about his wives. 

BLOWN AWAY

In a complete shift from a period piece, here is another Netflix show I thoroughly enjoyed watching last month. Do you find the act of glass blowing to be extremely interesting, but you would never dream of trying yourself? Or do you like competition game shows that are not like anything else you’ve watched before? Then Blown Away might be for you! It’s a very fast watch with only a handful of episodes that are about a half hour a piece. (I honestly wished they were a bit longer because it was SO GOOD!) Each contestant is a glass blower and they get to show off their skills by competing in a specific challenge. Each episode you see someone get eliminated until the final where the winner gets a residency at Corning Museum of Glass in upstate New York. This show came out in 2019 and I am hoping a second season comes out.   

LIFE IN PIECES

This CBS comedy was one that I remember loving when it first came out. But I only remember watching the first season because then I couldn’t remember which day it was on. (It’s going to sound weird, but because I don’t watch a lot on this network I often forget it exists. We also only had a one room DVR at the time, so we couldn’t tape more than 2 things. Oh, the joys of multi-room DVR). After I finished my re-watch of Derry Girls in September, I was looking for another sitcom to re-watch. This was when I stumbled on the full series of Life in Pieces on Amazon video. (It’s free to watch with Prime.) I was so surprised to see there were 4 seasons! Since then I have been watching a good amount of episodes when I sit down to watch it. Now I’m about mid way in the second season. I highly recommend this show if you haven’t seen it before. It gives vibes of Modern Family. Very short episodes that include four storylines. The format is one that I haven’t seen done before in a sitcom.

SUPERMARKET SWEEP

The revival of the beloved game show from the early 90s is now hosted by Leslie Johns and is the best thing you should be watching on Sunday nights. If you know your grocery shopping list like the back of your hand then you are all set for this show. Leslie Johns is hilarious as are the cast of characters that are regulars in her supermarket. I think it would be a great TV show to be on and I’m not just saying that because I want one of the sweatshirts (although that would be great). If you want (another) feel-good watch, look no further! You catch up on demand. 

RE-WATCHING

ANNE WITH AN E

It’s hard to believe that we only got the third season of Anne with an E at the beginning of this year (as this year feels like its been going on forever and when I watched the third season I was in a much less stressed place). Currently, I am teaching a class involving Little Women and Anne of Green Gables. The main focus is on how these stories get adapted in recent times and include such modern plots (and sub-plots). Naturally Anne with an E is perfect for this topic (and after watching season 3 at the start of the year) was one of my major reasons for choosing this topic. (The other being Greta Gerwig’s latest Little Women.) As I’ve been planning my schedule, I’ve re-watched this show. There is something so great about watching it from season 1 all the way through to season 3. You get to watch them grow up and it’s crazy to see how young they first were. Comparing it more to the novel has been a fun time, but also analyzing it more has been great and made me appreciate it even more. With all the stress of our current situation watching this show has made me escape and feel good. (Yes, I know I’ve used that word a lot in this wrap up, but it’s true.)

***

******

Hopefully my next wrap up isn’t as delayed. Wishing everyone a happy holiday season! 

[shibalen]

My hobbies include writing, reading, watching anime and mystery/thriller/action movies. I’m the ‘loud and crazy’ one of my friend group, but I’m also the sly, crafty manipulative one. Likes in a partner: someone who motivates me and can challenge me to do my very best. Dislikes: someone who tries to "change" me. Thank you so much! I hope you're having a lovely day!

♡ matchup for @karaseijoh

hello! this is the actual matchup this time, no worries! i appreciate your patience and sweet words, thank you so much ´･ᴗ･`

|| Haikyuu: i match you with . . .

Daichi Sawamura

• Bet he wasn't who you were expecting, but hear me out!

• What I think would really make you a good pair is that while you're both ambitious you still balance each other out

• Your fierceness will inspire Daichi to be even more assertive while his assuring presence will help you not get discouraged as easily

• Being a captain of a sports team himself, Daichi knows how to motivate you to reach for the skies!

• All he wants is to help you just as much as you've helped him, or even more ♡

• Looks up to you like no one else ngl. You're always on his mind when he's in a pinch, thinking would you let this problem pull you down

• I mean, you're on his mind anyway

• Because he loves you so much but he's also a big ol' worrywart

• He'll legit stop in the middle of practice or whatever he's doing and hope you're not getting into trouble with your schemes

• You definitely knew each other for the longest time before anything romantic sparked between you

• Daichi, being the responsible boy he is, was constantly at your heed, telling you not to manipulate others for your own interests, what was "wrong" and "right" etc.

• But time fixes everything and, before he knew what was happening, he had grown whipped for you

• Your outspoken side took him on adventures he never knew he wanted. Your crafty side made him understand just how ready you were to make your ideas a reality. This all made him fall in love with you ♡

• #rivals to lovers

• We know he doesn't sugarcoat stuff so rest assured every compliment, every praise is genuine. He is proud of you and all of your achievements!

• Will never say anything to hurt you, everything he says is carefully considered

• If you hold in your emotions, he offers to talk about it later in case you want to vent out your honest feelings.

• Loves it when you come see him at practice but also You + Tanaka + Nishinoya + Hinata = deadaichi

• If he doesn't have practice himself catch him sitting at the stands watching yours with the proudest grin in history

• There's more! During competitions the whole volleyball team comes to cheer you on! Daichi lowkey wanted to be the only one you saw when looking over but that's fine :')

• It makes him sad you're both so busy with school so when you are spending quality time together Daichi plans things out to the smallest detail. Though too embarrassed to admit it this boy is such an old-fashioned romantic

• Never forgets to bring you a little something to your dates. Even if you're staying in and watching a thriller movie (then it's pizza) And if you don't receive at least one love note a month it got mixed up in the mail

• Getting hyped over mystery series together is your thing. Change my mind

• You teach him chess so he could beat Suga and Kurō lol

• hitting👏the👏gym👏together. You can try and tell me your thighs aren't his next favorite thing about you (aside from your personality) and he doesn't steal glances at them when you're working out, but we all know these are facts.

• I'm loving the idea of your late night texts!

• "If I were to infiltrate a bank, scam it, and give the money to the poor like Robin Hood, would you back me up?"

• "Go to sleep, y/n."

• "But would you?🤔"

• "Honestly. I'd do it myself just so you'd stop getting in trouble. Where do you get all these idea's from?

• "Aww! It's a secret😉"

• " . . . what did Noya tell you?"

• Daichi is a caring, supportive boyfie. You can trust him to have your back. He'll treasure you because you are his most precious person ♡

runner up: Kurō Tetsurō

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

|| OHSHC: i match you with . . .

Tamaki Suoh

♛ Your personal cheerleader and #1 fan

♛ Seriously, with Tamaki around to worship the ground you walk on it's almost impossible to give up. And if it's not because of his cheering it's because you want him to be quiet pfft

♛ Expects the best from you because he has no doubt in your abilities and how much you are capable of

♛ But he won't care if you're not naturally talented at something because he loves you just the way you are besides, he can be perfect for both of you

♛ The first time you met you went to the host club because the chess club was under the threat of being cancelled due to it lacking enough members

♛ Your plan was simple: The host club was extremely popular, and Tamaki was the favourite host so you were going to get close to him so he'd advertise the chess club

♛ At first you were just planning to use him but soon learnt there was more to him than being a princely flirt and a bit of an airhead

♛ He was kind to you no matter what, even though you he knew you were just using the host club to your advantage

♛ Your determination was what attracted him to you and your exciting personality made him fall for you ♡

♛ Though you weren't far behind in crushes, and I swear when you admitted you feelings for Tamaki was tempted to kiss you right there and then

♛ Of course, he's a gentleman and squeezed you into a tight embrace instead. You could feel his heart racing in his chest

♛ Y'all be loud and crazy together. There won't be a day when you're not doing something wild. His favorite hobby is taking you on his 'adventures' in the 'commoner world', he swears its like the jungle

♛ But don't be surprised if he shows up at your house with a helicopter saying you're going to Lapland for a ski trip and watch the northern lights

♛ When you show your ruthless side for the first time boy will be mildly terrified because you remind him of Kyoya in the mornings (• ▽ •;)

♛ When you're being fierce he's gonna admire you from the sidelines and be like "heck yeah! get 'em babe!" But if you direct it at him, he'll turn into a whiny baby "bUt princessssss :("

♛ If you got a penny every time he asked you to have him on the cover of the school's newspaper you could afford a publishing company of your own

♛ Tamaki absolutely thrives off your attention and if you're apart for too long he gets extremely gloomy. Every time someone mentions your name while you're not around he'll be in his emo corner (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)

♛ Insits on training with you. Although he's physically fit to keep his beautiful figure in shape he's not overly athletic. During longer jogs he'll start wheezing and you find it utterly hilarious

♛ He tries to put up the front of being all bold and suave but if you flirt back for more than five seconds he'll melt into a blushing mess

♛ One time you were talking about throwing a Halloween party and what costumes you all could wear

♛ You teasingly pondered whether you should go with a cute or a more mature look and Tamaki's soul proceeded to leave his body for ten minutes rip

♛ Hikaru and Kaoru had to shake him by the shoulders to keep him together, meanwhile you were giggling in the background

♛ Recommed him an anime and he's gonna spam you with constant updates as he's binging. You might have to mute your phone if you want to get anything done smh

♛ Though his texts and calls are often an emotional mess, he gives surprisingly good and detailed feedback at the end of it

♛ Just make sure to have finished the series first otherwise I can't guarantee a spoiler-free conversation (*ﾉωﾉ)

♛ He'd much rather watch them together with you though. Physical affection is one of his main ways to show you his love

♛ You're his queen. Have no doubts he'd do anything for your happiness ♡

runner up: Kyoya Ootori

here you are, i hope this was an enjoyable read for you! if you think the format could have been better though, feel free to let me know and i'll fix it.

thank you for requesting and i hope you're having a lovely day as well! ♡

[plainvanillapotato]

the 100 diaries S2 E15

quarantine diaries: june 14 2020

season 2 episode 15: “Blood Must Have Blood: Part 1″

bellamy the liberator!! bellaymy is more of a khaleesi than any other character in this show. i officially propose to make bellamy the khaleesi for both the spacers and grounders.

the grounder word for “to be quite” sounds a lot like SHUT UP but with a lisp

“wait...thank you” .....bellamy and grounder girl? ship???

i really hate cages rhetoric. its nothing but propaganda then again its cage im talking about so i cant expect much

what a paper throw looked weak af. i wonder if that took multiple takes

you kidding with those cups stains thats one hell of a big jump for the guard to make. like those people could have sat on the other side of table just minutes ago. im shaking my head so hard right now. like this is just because they didnt use coasters?? ugh.

this escalated so fast. but considering how fast things escalate with police in the us i guess i shouldnt be surprised

and ofc they shot them anyway. police brutality is not okay. you cannot just shoot and kill people. side note what happened to that justice system that maya brought up when we first met her??

why is monroe still alive??? like ok its nice to see a familiar face but i dont care for her 

wow raven really upped her packaging game for that hydrazine. yes raven i support you and your small business.

clarke got gloves now. i wonder if she asked for them or lexa/someone just gave them to her

i love clarkes/lexas diorama ngl its way better than bellamys.

clarke really had to think about whether or not she was going to chant with them. that was a real cheeky moment. i know they’re trying to make clarke super cool and thats down with the grounders but i gotta say that its gonna a lot more to convince me that clarke is a badass

side note: i like anya a lot more than lexa. like i dont feel threatened by lexa at all. imo anya was the true queen

that heat shot tho. i know that bellamy is a good shot but can we talk about how unrealistic that shot was tho. it doesnt make any physical sense how bellamy shot paul from the vent especially at that angle. but alas i guess along with bending fire to protect his beautiful head of hair  bellamy also defines nature and physics

you know i fully believe that bellamy has a 6 sense cuz he can literally sense when someone in danger and is in the right place at the right time

miller was ready to kill that guard full princess leia style

who was that reaper?? like was it indras past lover or something??? 

why is monroe the one to work the drill? i feel like there could have been someone more qualified

the exchange between lincoln and millers father was so flirty.... ship?? ngl i ship it more than lincoln and octavia

ravens jokes arent that bad wick. also did i miss something or did the show really didnt address how wick and raven got in this place? 

oof this conversation got awkward real fast

i love wick’s surprised face at 18:16. hes like wow i really killed a guy and raven just said “welcome to the ground” 

look at that modern painting behind dante. daredevil anyone?? 

preach dante. preach. your boy cage is a terrible leader

yeah i agree with wick. raven you should have just brought more bombs that was bad on your part

only white boi wick would be smiling and nodding while there are people pointing guns at him. 

look at those shields. i like to think that they actually took the time to practice these formations...but evidently they needed a better formation

lincoln being katniss everdeen. ok lincoln i see you

bellamy is just one with these vents now. theyre really his main mode of transportation

“then we kill him”...by ‘we’ you mean that bellamy is going to kill cage. jasper you really adding to bellamys already heavy load.

MONTY!!! :)

of the tree people?? no dont give octavia that. 

this was soooooo anticlamatic. this is because clarke did not kiss you back huh. lexa you dumbbitch you can just double cross the mountain people and help clarkes people. do you even have a heart lexa? imo this is lexa just being a salty bitch to clarke. like you guys can argue with me all you want about this is lexa being a ‘badass’ leader and doing what was best for her but it wont change my opinion at all

look at octavia staying loyal to bellamy. cute but ooo jackson is leaving too i mean i guess i wouldnt trust octavia either

i also find it comical that all within the same episode indra accepts her as one of the tree people and only then to strip her of that minutes later

why are some of the cages hung up like that tho?? like i think they showed the hanging cages in previous episode but in this episode its hanging cages with open doors implying that whoever was in that cage had to jump down for idk how many stories to be free. but also how did they open those cages all the way up there because from when they took bellamy we know that they need a physical key to unlock the door. i guess this was all for making the show look cool and edgy but its just making me scratch my brain

aww i ship raven and wick so hard. my favorite ship yet

fuck you dante. i knew you would turn. 

this was the worst episode yet. i swear its only monty and bellamy that is keeping me watching. and the show is kinda lacking in that area.

[creasandart]

Arty Vélo Frigos, mais Quoi Que Qu’est-ce ce melting pot de titre énigmatique ?

Arty parce qu’on va parler d’Art, vous commencez à voir la ligne directrice, même si on peut penser que je ne fais que pédaler dans Paris. Eh non, et fort heureusement; car le vélo quitte à me répéter: est mon outil d’exploration. L’Art et Créer sont mes passions. Et je vais vous emmener de plus en plus vers cette facette de ma vie; alors accrochez-vous et abonnez-vous.

Frigos, car aujourd’hui on se rend dans le 13eme arrondissement de Paris, aux Frigos un lieu d’artistes alternatifs, atypique comme j’aime et libre. Je connais bien les frigos car j’y ai pris des cours de théâtre il y a quelques années, et j’y ai croisé quelques artistes aussi passionnants que passionnés. Les frigos ont bien évolué; c’est hyper sécurisé désormais, faut presque montrer patte blanche pour y accéder. Mon ‘tit vélo Lala a pas eu de mal a s’y frayer un chemin. J’en ai profité pour faire quelques clichées afin de promouvoir ma boutique en ligne de T-Shirt et accessoires que j’ai lancé derniérement et qui compte quelques ventes.

Un shooting pour moi c’est toujours un moment de partage, de fun et de naturel, lors duquel on ne peut pas tricher. Faire le modèle face à l’objectif et stricker la pose pff très peu pour moi, je suis restée Sandrine Bayi, l’Artiste weirdo. Ces photos vous permettront de voir comment vous pouvez combiner et faire matcher par exp les T shirt Alyan / Totebag (Hommage au petit Alyan, Syrien de trois ans, retrouvé mort sur une plage turque.) ou le T shirt Touareg / Totebag  (Ode à la beauté des femmes africaines) avec vos propres Look.

Vous pouvez désormais commander  le T-shirt du challenge #5jvelotafjupe ou totebag, faire des cadeaux sur  SpreadshirtCreasandart ça fait toujours plaisir de faire plaisir et de se sentir soutenue dans ses créations. Pour vous expliquer un peu le fonctionnement de Spreadshirt: c’est un site allemand qui fabrique des produits de qualité allemande et vous livre très rapidement à travers le monde, et bien évidemment prennent une commission sur les ventes (ce qui est logique). Je compte réinvestir l’argent perçu via ma boutique Spreadshirt pour de l’achat de matériel de peinture et vous proposer de façon plus intimiste mes œuvres sous plusieurs formats et pour tous les budgets (je vous en parlerai plus en détails dans un prochain article ). Car l’Art doit être accessible à toutes les bourses.

Parlons Vélo, même si pour moi le 13eme fait un quasi sans faute en termes d’infrastructures pour les cyclistes. Il y en a pour tous les gouts : pistes simples ou bidirectionnelles chacun y trouve son compte. Il y a parfois des GCUM certes; mais ca roule dans l’ensemble! Ma piste favorite reste celle du pont de Bercy que j’affectionne d’autant plus qu’elle grouille souvent de créateurs en tout genre qui y prennent des photos et qui me donnent le smile. En parlant Velo j’en profite pour remercier les webmédias qui ont intégré dans leur ligne éditoriale le challenge #5jvelotafjupe = #workcyclingskirt , articles que vous pouvez lire sur  Détours Canal Fr et  Un challenge pour démocratiser la jupe à vélo ; et bien sur vous continuez a utiliser ce hashtag # et nous raconter votre expérience du challenge sur Instagram  ou Twitter !

Enfin au dernier article je vous ai promis de vous raconter l’histoire de l’après exposition à la Mairie du 12eme de la Toile Fatima, la voilée. Sachez qu’elle est maintenant libre de tout engagement et que vous pouvez vous la procurer sur Ebay et bientôt sur ma boutique Etsy où vous trouverez toutes mes autres œuvres et créations.

Je ne peux que vous recommander ce charmant lieu des frigos dans le 13 -ème arr de Paris, où vous pouvez, en prenant le soin de bien checker les horaires; visiter des galeries cachées et profitez du street-art. Si vous avez une boutique de créations ou un reseau social arty n’hésitez pas a me la mettre en commentaires. A bientôt.

Sentiments –Bayi Pics – Copyright (c) SB

Arty Vélo Frigo what is this enigmatic title melting pot?

Arty because we’re going to talk about Art, you start to see clearly the guideline, even if I understand it you can think that I’m just pedaling in Paris. No, and fortunately because the bike leaves to repeat myself is my tool of exploration nothing more. Art and Create: these are my passions. And I intend to take you more and more towards this facet of my personality, so hold on and subscribe.

Fridges, because today I am taking you to the 13th arrondissement of Paris, to Les Frigos, a place of alternative artists, atypical as I like and free as I like. I know the fridges well because I took acting lessons there a few years ago, and I met a lot of artists as exciting as passionate. The fridges have evolved a lot, it’s super secure now, you almost have to show your feet to access it. My bike didn’t have a hard time making its way there though. I took the opportunity to take a few pictures to promote my online store of T-Shirt and accessories that I launched a while ago and which already has its followers.

A shooting for me is always a moment of confidence, fun and naturalness during which you cannot cheat on your nature. To do the model in front of the lens and to strike the pose pff not for me, I stayed Sandrine Bayi the Artist weirdo. These photos will show you to see how you can combine and match by exp the Alyan T-shirt or Totebag (Homage to the little Alyan, Syrian of three years, found dead on a Turkish beach.) and the Touareg T-shirt or Totebag (Ode to the beauty of African women) with your own look.

Besides, if you want to order a totebag, aT-shirt of theWork Cycling Skirt challenge or give some original gifts don’t hesitate https://www.spreadshirt.fr/user/Creasandart it’s always a pleasure to have support. To explain a bit about how Spreadshirt works, this is a German site that produces German quality products and delivers to you very quickly around the world, and obviously takes a commission on sales (which makes sense). I intend to reinvest the money collected via my Spreadshirt shop on the purchase of equipment to paint and offer you in a more intimate way my works in several formats and different types of budget (I will tell you about this in a next article in more detail) . Because for me, Art must be accessible to everyone.

Let’s talk about cycling, even if for me the 13th in Paris is almost flawless in terms of infrastructure for cyclists. There is something for everyone: simple or bidirectional tracks everyone finds their account. My favorite track remains that of the Pont de Bercy which I like all the more since it is often teeming with creators of all kinds who take pictures and who make me smile. Speaking of  Bike, I would like to take this opportunity to thank the web media who have integrated the # 5jvelotafjupe = #workcyclingskirt challenge into their editorial line, articles that you can read on Détours Canal Fr and A challenge to democratize the bike skirt; and of course you can continue to use this hashtag # and tell us about your challenge experience on Instagram or Twitter !

Finally in the last article I promised to tell you the story of the after exposure to the Mairie of the 12th of the Canvas Fatima, the veiled. Know that it is now free of any commitment and that you can get it at Ebay and soon on my Etsy shop where you will find all my other works and other creations.

I can only recommend this charming place of refrigerators in the 13th arrondissement of Paris, where you can, taking care to check the timetables, visit hidden galleries and discover street-art. And if you have a creations store don’t hesitate to comment on it. See you soon!

Feelings – Bayi Pics – Copyright (c) SB

  Arty Vélo Frigos Arty Vélo Frigos, mais Quoi Que Qu’est-ce ce melting pot de titre énigmatique ? Arty parce qu’on va parler d’

[irisouy]

Bellamy 2.0 in season 5

While waiting for season 6 to start (when are we going to get the trailer????), I need to vent about one of my favorite subjects: Bellamy Blake.

I have seen many people in the fandom being unhappy with Bellamy in season 5, saying that they do not recognize him and that he is no longer “their Bellamy”. But personally, I loved him before, and I am loving him right now, just the way he is. So here are the reasons why I still love him now and I think he is the best version of himself.

A head at the service of his heart:

This one is obvious and it has been hammered in canon by the show: the new Bellamy uses his head first. In the past, Bellamy was known to take rash decisions and to jump right where his heart was without thinking about consequences. That’s where Clarke would come in and help him look at the bigger picture. This new Bellamy thinks before acting, even when people he loves are in danger. He doesn’t react, he takes a step back and thinks about a way to get things his way and then acts accordingly. And I really don’t mind this new approach, because at the core Bellamy remains the same.

Indeed, Bellamy’s greatest strength is his capacity to love. Because underneath this new “head” façade, lies the biggest heart one can find. Love is Bellamy’s greatest motivation, it has always been and it remains like that. So yes, he is more restrained in his approach, but in no way does he feel less. We have seen plenty of moments throughout season 5 were Bellamy’s emotions are peaking: when he didn’t want to leave Raven behind, when he reunited with Clarke and Octavia, when Echo was leaving, when he thought Clarke was leaving … but he doesn’t let his emotions blind him from what needs to be done. The strongest demonstration of this balance between head and heart was in 509 when he acted against Octavia. Until that episode Bellamy was trying to spare Octavia and not intervene because of his love for her. But she forced him into a corner and we were able to see how he used his head in order to save Clarke the traitor, who he loves. He carefully planned his interaction with Octavia and he acted very skillfully by switching the ration with Monty’s algae. He could not let Octavia kill Clarke the love of his life and even if he still loves Octavia, he found a way to stop her on her tracks. The use of his head at the service of his emotions and heart: that’s who Bellamy is now. He still is an emotional character that feels everything deep into his core, but now he has foresight which makes him more effective.

 A force to be reckoned with:

Bellamy has always been very resourceful, that’s why Clarke was relying on him to accomplish her ideas. I love that Bellamy is now really an equal of Clarke, he has become the best version of himself. In a matter of days, he rescued Clarke, delivered Octavia and Wonkru from the bunker and overthrew Octavia.

We already knew that Bellamy was dangerous and effective (just watch season 2 when he goes to Mt Weather on a suicide mission), but this new Bellamy is no joke. HE. GETS. SHIT. DONE. The way he took down Octavia was scary: people around him are lucky he has a big heart, otherwise they would be screwed.

This season Octavia restores the “love is weakness” line from season 3 (the fandom’s dark year). We thought we were done with this stupid line, but we are not: because JR loves to hammer concepts into our heads just in case we don’t get it the first time. And of course, the whole point of this catch-phrase is to prove the contrary: actually, love is a great strength, and Bellamy is the epitome of this. That’s Octavia’s biggest mistake: underestimating how love can make someone strong, especially Bellamy. I still can’t get over the fact that she didn’t realize how badass her brother is. She thought she was way ahead of him and that she had him under control because she was using his love against him. But when it comes to love, Bellamy is unstoppable.

 Forgiveness king: 

Back in season 3 I wrote a rant about Bellamy (here) because so many people were hating on his character as a result of what he did in Hakeldama. In this rant I wrote that to me he was the “GUILT King”, because he would act rashly but then regret it and feel guilty. He had so much trouble forgiving himself, that he was not able to forgive others. 6 years later, I would say that he is now the “FORGIVENESS KING”. During this time, he has learned to accept what he did and to move on from there. I like the fact that he finally found a way to be at peace with himself and with others… and yes, this includes Echo (don’t @ me).

Actually, the existence of B.echo is the ultimate sign that Bellamy has changed and grown into a better version of himself: being able to forgive and to love a person that has caused so much pain to him and his loved ones is a major symbol of his character growth. Although I don’t enjoy B.echo as a ship, I like its existence as a story tool because it shows how much Bellamy took to heart Clarke’s words. It is ironic to realize that B.echo’s relationship only exists because of the deep bond that exists between Clarke and Bellamy… this irony is so typical of JR, but I digress.

The Bellamy we are watching this season has almost completed his hero journey: if in season 3 he was at the beginning of it and needed to atone for his actions, now we are watching Bellamy the hero, Bellamy the “almost” king. This is character development, this is character growth. He made humongous mistakes, but since then he has tried to atone for them and dedicate his life to do the right thing. Especially after he left Clarke to die on earth… the regret and love for her made him elevate himself. He chose to forgive himself and others.

Let me quote myself, because I think what I wrote at that time is relevant:

“Bellamy the hero is in formation, it is a work in progress. He is set up to become a real leader. For that, he needed to make huge mistakes in order to have a grasp of what doing the right thing is, rather than just doing things for the sake of his people. Because the lesson the show is trying to teach us is that the end does not justify the means. Bellamy is going to do the right thing from now on…just watch him.

(…)

Forgiveness is not about DESERVING, it’s a choice one makes. You don’t forgive somebody because the person deserves it. The mistakes are done, there is no coming back and they are (excuse my English) FUCKING HUGE. So you forgive a character because you are invested in watching his character development unfold. You can see the potential and personal growth this character can have.”

 Setting boundaries:

One thing that would irritate me to no end with Bellamy in the past, was that he would accept anything from Octavia (remember the horrendous beating scene of S3). He had a very unhealthy relationship with her and was used to take all the blame she would throw at him, even when he was not to blame. To him, loving his sister meant he needed to accept all of her including unacceptable behavior. But this new Bellamy has finally understood that he needs to draw the line and not accept anything even if it comes from his beloved sister. There are things that he really cares about and not even Octavia has the right to rip them from him. Of course, we see him struggle with Octavia, trying to give her all the chances he can, trying to work around her new persona. But he holds his ground for what he stands for.

The first sign of this change was the sparring scene between Octavia and Bellamy: she kept blaming him and criticizing Echo (and his choice to forgive her), but he did not take it. I was so giddy when he swiped her legs and took the advantage. For the first time he did not let Octavia win the argument, nor the fight. This was a major change in the way they have always interacted and Octavia should have taken notice of this before trying to break her brother. Bellamy will always love his sister, but he cannot ignore what she has become and that she tried to step all over him and Clarke.

That’s why I love this new Bellamy: he doesn’t take her bullshit anymore. And of course, the final blow was the poisoning scene: Octavia went too far, and he set his boundaries in the most unimaginable way for his sister and even for him.

 To summarize, I really have trouble understanding how people don’t recognize this new Bellamy because to me, his core remains exactly the same, only his methods are different.

Yes, he thinks before acting, but love and emotions are his motivation. He has become even more badass and unstoppable, he is at peace with himself and doesn’t let others step all over him. I really don’t see how one can hate the way he is.

To me, he remains this beautiful flawed character full of love and compassion.

[yespoetry]

Caitlin Scarano: There Is No Ending

I know we’re all sick of poems with deer but let me explain

 Last night: a forest of hospital beds

 I want to ask all these strangers: do you ever think every day you’re getting closer to your death or do you wake in the morning with hope crusted in the corner of your eyes, your teeth already grinning at the air?

 Grief is a very complex machine, it told me so itself, a matrix

that takes years

A.     to navigate

B.      from you like teeth

 Dear J, I have a few acres all to myself now, you should see them

 I’m sorry you had to turn so many stones

while I looked on at a careful distance

 The male human heart at age 36

Who knew, I guess

 It’s true that I didn’t mind the horses starving outside my window, as long as they

            came when called, as long as they were gentle with their teeth

            I mean, I had many apples going to rot, what else could I have done

 I read about how the water in Lake Superior is replaced every 191 years

 Remember the spot where I dove under and was rolled by a wave and for a moment I did not know what was up or down, what was past or present, you or⁠—

 That winter, the lake froze, trace lines of cracks in the ice colliding, the fractures in my body all met

 In another dream, you’re in front of me⁠—solid, tangible, with a dark beard and corduroy pants

I ask you about dying and he you say, Let’s go to this city I know

Then you disappear into a tangled forest and I follow, stumbling, ripped by thorns

 You’re always just out of reach, always just turning the next corner

 Remember those children we watched while we ate ice cream on that green bench in Sault Saint Marie? Silly

            that isn’t my favorite memory of you, not by far but it’s the one I keep

coming back to

 I took it so I should have wanted it

But the sugar made my teeth ache

 Every memory is two-sided, like that day we lay in the grass watching ships pass through the lochs

Distance is deceptive

It was sunny, the photos you took prove it

            But the wind⁠—

 Or the wind and the rain that day we met at the lighthouse, you wore a black sweater, I hadn’t seen you

            in years, you looked younger, time doing its mirror trick

 The scene draws us

We weren’t ghosts but we were

both adrift, though only one of us knew it

 When I reach the city you spoke of, it’s been abandoned for decades

 Every memory is two-sided, like the time you were driving and the Jeep hit

black ice and spun out

Like the time I was driving and my car died as we coasted down hill

 In a human dream, electric blue hydrozoan creatures blossom in the Superior’s deepest water

 Every memory is two-sided, and nothing is mine to claim

 I run these dirt trails near my house, I think of you, I touch my chest, count my breaths

One day I came upon this mother dear and two fawns, they were tiny, spotted, legs so ready to give out but they did not give out

 J, you should have seen them

  Generational, Domestic

 I drink from the cup that made me

before blood congeals across the top.

 Touch the muscles of your back

while you sleep. What does cruelty express?

 A fear so deep it creates its own

gravity, the world pours in around

 the rim. Despite how light clawed, it could not

get out⁠—not after, not from within. I live by a river

 and dream of living by another river. Throw my baby

teeth into it like coins in a well. Wish and watch

 water pass, think of how it bows and braids,

think of the circulatory system, nervous

 birds on loop. My niece appears in a dirt-stained

dress holding yellow zinnias as they blossom

 and rot, blossom and⁠—Does movement remind you

of death or escape? When you bite the inside

 of my thigh, what memory of violence 

unfurls like a seed? Generational, domestic. Your mother

 tells you she prays for us and I swallow

it whole like a duck egg. A blue mud wasp

 taps against my window, where its always

been. While we sleep, bindweed inches up

 the walls and ceiling. Coils around the lamps.

Tomorrow, we’ll eat the heads of morning.

 A Litany of Dreams You May Borrow

 The one where I pick sunlight off my skin like scales or sequins

 Or I have a boy’s torso and a jaw

that doesn’t lock when I start to laugh

 Any of the dreams with snakes or my mother trapped in a radiator vent

            because they spring from the same well

 My little sister and I are teenagers again, still speaking to each other, and she climbs a sugar maple and never comes back

 The ones where rain comes through the roof but not the ones where it is snowing in my room

 S. and I still live together but a gray horse circles the house, starving

No one names it

 My father is in a hospice bed, holding up his rot-dappled organs one by one

as offerings to me

 The cow pasture

where I’m in a wedding dress carrying a pitcher of his blood

 B. and I are back on the beach at night and she kisses me except this time ocean is made of milk and sweet

 No one invents sin so we sun ourselves on the rooftop

 Any dream of my grandfather⁠—that skull for a face, the parrot watching on, the white sheet and long fingernails

            In fact, you may keep them, convince yourself there is a lesson

 The dream where the brakes gave out

The dream where the brakes gave out

 His head is in my lap and the window is open even though it is January outside

 A war between nations of men takes place in my mother’s dining room

            My sisters and I watch from beneath a table

 Those you can leave: any dream where he says my name

aloud or his mouth is against my hair, any dream

where the dead forgive

 The first girl I loved asking Are you sure you don’t know me? until she disappears

 The whole room slants and I fall from the bed to the wall as if the house is trying to shake me from itself like a parasite

 The dream I had after S. found the knife I hid beneath the nightstand

 The one where I saw our sons using sticks as swords, their mouths yellow

and chose not to have them

 The first gentle boy from my childhood is back and we are in love

 When the church burns down and my sisters and I are blamed

 The one where what I love is not unwell, not in need at all, so I shrink to the size of a kitchen ant and crawl away

 My mother is my daughter and when she speaks, hummingbirds fill her mouth like arrows

 The one where I actually forgive him and he leans back then, rests his eyes, says

            There is no ending

  Alessandra sends me two pictures of her son eating his first strawberry

 while I’m home alone reading about central sleep apnea because this morning Calvin woke me up at 5AM by rubbing my back because (he said) I kept holding my breath and he is afraid (but doesn’t say) that I might stop breathing all together. On our jog today Cara told me that she’s going to try dating again and there isn’t much out there so she’s meeting a corporate lawyer all the way in Seattle for lunch on Thursday. Part of me is jealous—to get to meet strangers that you might have sex with or raise a puppy with is to feel very specifically alive right? The internet says I cannot suffocate in my sleep. I have this one memory of when I’m four or five and my father is sitting in the tub and I just let myself in to the bathroom and ask him how often he clipped his toenails and he laughs like kids are so fucking werid and says and said Maybe once a week? When we can’t stop worrying about each others deaths this is how I know we need each other. I can’t remember Alessandra’s baby’s name even though I met him once when we were in Portland. I don’t want children but one time on a long drive I imagined a three or four year old kid in the backseat of my Subaru asking me smart and weird kid questions and me giving honest answers and developing this whole lifelong relationship with a human like there is a way to never be lonely. I was startled by a sound but it wasn’t really a sound just a door closing in my body. I didn’t tell Calvin about it. Instead we talked about our little sisters and how we’re scared for them. The internet says my brain will panic and wake me up. I tell him I want him to confide in me but what do you say to I have a very real fear that the next time I hear about her it could be that she’s dead. I get it at least somewhat—what it means to see a boat drifting away from you. The last time I saw M she was more angry than any person I can remember it was like being beside a live wire I wasn’t sure if I could speak if I could even ask her if she was okay without making her not okay like the whole world is made of string and it can unravel if you say or even think the wrong thing. I don’t think there is a way to never be lonely. In the pictures the baby’s fingers are red and his laughing and sitting on a checkered picnic blanket and it looks like real summer in Wisconsin. I don’t really want to date strangers again. Everyone good I’ve found I still don’t know how I kept them. Some days I don’t want him to leave the house for fear of what might happen next. I remember when M and I were little she was hardly ever mad just withdrawn and we were there like two islands beside each other never really able to say what we meant or needed and now my mother calls me and she’s just painted the trim in the living room mountain air white and she starts to cry thinking about thirty years in the house where she raised us that she wants to sell and I say You haven't left yet and she says I’m already gone. Calvin just texts his sister now even though he knows he won’t get a response and I imagine those messages floating in a black void with stars because it all goes somewhere. I write back Don't you wish you could remember your first strawberry? The interest promises me I’ll take another breath.

 The mountain has no childhood to speak of

 and no child to soothe. Thought it might tell you something

of its formation, even though it does not remember.

 Or that there is no universally agreed upon definition

of a mountain. It would speak less about light

 and ascension and more about its insides. I have veins,

the mountain would say, a circulatory system of sorts

 but no organs. The mountain would predict your disappointment.

It would refuse your offer for a brain and a heart. Knowledge

 and loneliness, the mountain would explain, pass from sky

to water to stone. Mountain embodies strangeness, thus has no notion

 of strangeness. Mountain understands destination.

It has been desired. It knows you

 think it’s trapped; that it has never left and will never leave.

But, if we let it speak, it would tell you: I have touched

 every corner and crevice of this carved valley. Has seen so much

come and go⁠—loon, kingfisher, lynx. The people that

 tried to erase people. Mountain has hounded

wander. But will have nothing to say about hunger.

 If you sit with it long enough, mountain might admit, I am afraid

of dying. Of the slow wearing, the slow away. Wind and water.

 Mountain will teach you a word that means both companion

and destroyer. Though it does not sleep, mountain dreams,

 of being ripped out by the roots. Mountain wonders

if mountains bleed.

Caitlin Scarano is a poet based in northwest Washington. She holds a PhD in English (creative writing) from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee and an MFA in Poetry from the University of Alaska Fairbanks. She was selected as a participant in the National Science Foundation’s Antarctic Artists & Writers Program. Her debut collection of poems, Do Not Bring Him Water, was released in Fall 2017. Her work has appeared in Granta, Best New Poets, Best Small Fictions, Carve, and Colorado Review. You can find her at caitlinscarano.com

[voidwhump]

ok so this is the only thing I’ve managed to get out and I seem to be in for a pretty sleepless night. It’s really just me having a tantrum about not being able to words correctly so don’t feel obligated to look at it because it’s just a vent. I did make it separate paragraphs though so if anyone does look at it they can like actually read it. 

Who am I kidding. I don’t write the characters I like because every time I put a character on paper they stop being part of my mind. The ones I like are people. They’re flesh and blood and I can’t do that to them. They have habits and favorite foods. They have random things I know about them. They have personalities beyond my three defaults. They’re completely three dimensional and the paper would kill them. I’d stop daydreaming them, like every other character I write. They’d move completely to the paper world that kills its occupants trait by trait, and I wouldn’t even remember enough to miss them. Vermillion pulls his hair when he’s nervous. He’s still a few pounds underweight but he’s gaining it back. He likes to listen, but it always turns into eavesdropping so people won’t try to pull him into the conversation. All of that? Gone. Cronos knows eight languages fluently and another three much less so. No one can read his handwriting except him. He’s only got so many stories he makes up about his scars and if you know him long enough you’ll notice him start the cycle over. I don’t want to lose them. 

Every character that touches paper flattens. The best ones turn into fabric, they can still mimic their old selves if I puff them up enough. Some turn into metal, never to move past their tragic backstories. Most turn into cardboard and fall into an endless recycle bin, changing form but never losing the hole that is their core. 

All the worlds they live in are flimsy, the answers to questions ever changing because I don’t remember them from one day to the next. The rules change on a whim, destroying the more delicate characters outright and wearing the sturdier ones ever thinner. No one makes it out because I can’t be bothered to drag them back. I don’t remember why I cared in the first place. There must have been something I liked, something that made me think that maybe they would survive the transition, but then they don’t. They get worn out, die, and get reused, only to fall to the same fate because their history was forgotten. 

New characters are few and far between, and most get pushed back until something reminds me of them. Then they get taken out, played with a little, and then they get pushed back once more. Maybe not as far back, if they were entertaining, but usually they slip away eventually. The only way to preserve them would be to put them on paper. But I already know that’s lethal. 

I know I must be doing something wrong. Other characters make the transition with ease, living in the mind as well as on paper without issue. But these characters aren’t mine, and I can only watch them thrive in the very place that would kill all my creations. The trick seems to be placing the characters in a sturdier world, where the rules don’t change and everything has settled from the aftershocks of creation. The things that happen in this sturdy world show off the character from all angles, revealing that there are, in fact, more than one or two. Some characters do better in a home environment, with family and friends easily accessible to make sure all their sides get a little bit of light now and again. Others seem to need to keep moving, maybe because that is who they are or just because it isn’t whatsoever. I can’t pinpoint this until it’s too late, it seems. Maybe the mistake was showing the characters to other people. Maybe they need some time to acclimate to their new environment before you can let other people see them. Time to lay out their personalities in a different format, where no one knows them like you do so you have to inform. Anything you don’t write stays secret after all.

[new-kiki1012]

update

about me about utapuri ;’’)

Its been a long time and I want to update

I have graduated from uni. I went to Australia as a exchange student, worked as an intern, and now in the midst of seeking vacancy

there had been lots of things that i missed on this japanese side of fangirling life XD

mostly utapri, because that’s one of the two biggest reasons on why i am on tumblr (other one is seiyuu)

i didn’t know that evan call withdrew from elements garden.. never knew that truly

i started liking him back then, for me he worked as the substituted member in charge for otoya and camus’ character songs or music, my 2 favorites, which previously was worked on by nakayama masato. and nakayama is the main reason i decided to follow utapri music

for nakayama, i’ve always trusted his music, from otoya’s trust my dream and the biggest turnaround was mirai chizu. i was always pleasantly surprised by his arrangement which was a little bit different and stood out amongst his peers. elmgard uses classical techniques to write songs and turns it into synth instrumentation in the arrangement hence lots of time, almost everything sounds piano-like while nakayama’s basic was guitar and i could recognize the influence through the music he was making. The pentatonix scale was different, the sound, the genre, the technique and it was a refreshing twist in utapri music production. but then he left sometime in 2013 (and i just knew the news in 2014.. no one told me ;_;)

After finding out that nakayama masato have parted way with elmgard, at that time, i significantly lost a great amount of interest to follow utapri music. but back then (in 2014), it was not the main thing i focused myself upon to (and i was also going through my depression period around that time, but their songs helped a lot). therefore giving utapri up was not an easy thing for me to do. but certainly, and slowly but sure, i started to liking it lesser and lesser and.. just lost my interest day by day

from what i know, the aftermath, his-supposed-work was taken over by agemama as the writer for otoya and camus theme songs. but if i was not mistaken, evan call started to write for camus. I adore saintly territory the most. I got very astonished by call’s work in pirates of frontier because of the rich, full orchestral sound throughout the song. i thought he was a pianist or conductor of an orchestra but i was wrong again because his first instrument was guitar. at that time evan call was actively producing music for utapri, i was also focusing on other things and it’s the start of the downhill. I completely stopped listening to them when i prepared myself for Australia in 2016. Recently i just knew that he left back in 2016.. and i feel more uninterested in utapri lol. i used to feel like it’s going to take me long time to get rid of them, because it took me like 2 years to finally claim that i was a fan. but now... it’s just honestly sad :’’)

recently i stumbled upon utapri’s file in my hardware, the maji love live stage I truly adored. and that’s the very thing that separates utapri with any other otome or music games, this potential they hold within their live performance. their own extraordinary spark, and highly passionate love from fans (i might probably just write my fangirl post regarding quartet night live xD), but yeah they are just that distinctive and i believe with all my heart they will make it. Now see, miyano mamoru, starish, and even quartet night they all found their success. they got their own accomplishments, charting high in oricon and everything. i could see the possibilities and now they’ve come this far.. i was utterly happy with the turnout

But all the unfamiliarity with the newer utapri somehow bugs my mind. I realized, probably it’s not for me anymore.. and i am just sad, here to vent out.. it’s okay.. i’m just shocked or overwhelmed with the changes.. :)

probably it’s not for me anymore. i can totally understand that, but i just want to claim that i am sad. that’s all

i truly believe utapri can go on and on. i hope they do make change in their plotline of their most successful media which is anime. but with all the new addition it got too saturated and i highly doubt they can go back to their original root

people are always greedy for money, aren’t they? :’’)

PS: I never followed ANY utapri anime. I used to follow utapri games and fell for masato, and ai the most (with addition of otoya, natsuki, and syo xD) but with all these new formation, i think it’d be best for them to stay as otogame than anything else

[ramheavenandhell]

Unerasable Love – Chapter 3: The Third Time was Genuine

AN: I have to say that this chapter is my personal favorite -^_^- Warnings: as before Rick/Morty, angst/fluff and romance, mutual pining, slow burn Summary: Summary: Based on the idea from @cheeky-cheek-kiss: Morty falls in love with Rick and confesses to him. However, every time that he does, Rick deletes Morty’s memories of it. What Rick hadn’t counted on was that he’s only setting himself up for a “Groundhog Day” that is slowly starting to make his own heart crumble.

Unerasable Love – Chapter 3: The Third Time was Genuine Rick felt bad about Morty's birthday. Of course, he knew that it hadn't been the boy's fault. That one had been on him. He just shouldn't have given the boy alcohol. Still, with erasing his grandson's memory, he had also erased his birthday present for him and obviously, Morty had been upset, thinking that Rick had gotten him nothing. So, the scientist decided to make it up to the brunet and was planning to take him out on a fun adventure today. Or, well…at least, he planned to surprise him with something that Rick just knew Morty would love. So, in typical Rick Sanchez fashion, he burst into Morty's room and dragged him out of bed and into the space car without telling the boy what they were about to do or where exactly they were going to go. Of course, the ungrateful little shit was only grumbling about this, going on about losing his "oh so precious sleep" because of Rick's whims again even though the scientist was solely doing this for Morty. "Quit your whining, Morty. We-we-we have to quic-to hurry up and get to Lzra 5 fast before it's too late, Morty." Rick only explained. "Too late for what?" Morty asked back, his voice still sounding sleepy. "You'll see, Morty." After that, silence reigned in the space cruiser as the scientist continued driving and the brunet stared moodily out of the side window and at the passing stars. Morty hated it that Rick had to drag him out in the middle of the night, claiming that it was important and they needed to hurry when it was just about something stupid that could have actually waited for another time. Or, it was about some drugs that Rick just wanted to get high again. At any rate, he was convinced that it was just something dumb as always. Sighing inwardly, Morty could already see how the rest of this day that had started way too early for him would play out. First, he would be risking his life again to get Rick whatever he wanted to get now. By the time that they would arrive home, he'd be probably late for school and having missed the first few periods already. And for the rest of his classes, he would probably be so tired that he'd end up sleeping through them again. Yeah, the teen was in a bad mood right now. On top of that, he still only wore his pajamas since Rick hadn't even let him get dressed first. By the time that they landed on Lzra 5, – Morty couldn't even pronounce the name of this planet – his mood still hadn't gotten any better. Looking around, he actually could only see trees and other alien plant life. There was really nothing of interest out here. So, had he been right and Rick would tell him now that they had to search for some flowers or mushrooms that would reveal themselves as some sort of super drug? "What exactly are we looking here for, Rick?" He asked, deciding to just get over with this quickly. If he was lucky, he might still make it in time for first period. Rick took a swig from his flask and burped grossly before he pointed to a mountain in the distance. "We gonna have to go up there, Morty. Gonna go aaaall the way to the top." "What?! We're going to have to climb that mountain?!" Morty eyed the giant rock formation with disdain. "Then why did you even land the ship here? That's such a long way to walk, Rick." "Take a look around us, Morty!" Rick swept with his hands, motioning over their current surroundings. "This is the closest place to it that I could land on. The entire mountain range is surrounded by this forest. And before you ask why we didn't just land on top if the mountain, I'll have you know that it's impossible to land anything in the size of our space car on there." "Why didn't we just use your portal gun instead?" The teen deadpanned, not willing to be the one to stand there like an idiot because Rick decided to put him on the spot. Rick's facial features drew downwards as if he had hoped that the boy wouldn't remember his infamous invention and bring it up. "Because it's currently recharging." Indeed, the device laid on the workbench in his garage and was in the midst of recharging. Rick didn't want to admit that he had forgotten to do this beforehand and therefore had to hurry to get Morty out of bed so they would still make it on time. Originally, he had planned to just take Morty here after breakfast and right before he would drop him off at school, so his grandson couldn't bitch at him about that. Needless to say that his plan didn't work out thanks to his own failing. His index finger was itching and he was in two minds about this whole thing as he was tempted to just erase Morty's memory of this and return home just to avoid looking like a failure in front of the teen. He liked to hold the position of an infallible god in his grandson's universe and would try to retain that no matter what. Luckily, for Morty though, the boy decided to drop the subject and already started to walk. Still, the brunet looked rather begrudged as they fought their way through the underwood, occasionally stumbling over a protruding root, or getting a twig in the face while he was focused on watching where he stepped. "This is stupid, Rick!" Morty complained, if only to break the awkward silence that hung over them – and also to vent his anger a little. "Couldn't we have done this later, after when your portal gun was charged again?" "I already to*uuurrp*ld you, Morty. We don't have much time. If we waited till my portal gun was ready again, it'd be already too late." "Too late for what exactly?" The teen asked once more, but made the mistake to look at his grandfather and not at where he was going. As such, he suddenly stepped on something that wasn't leave-covered ground or alien wood. In fact, it felt rather soft and…warm? Before that thought fully registered in Morty's head, a shrill screech pierced the air. The wild animal on whose tail the boy had stepped glared darkly at the duo and was obviously anything but happy about the rude and painful wakeup call. Its seven dark, tiny eyes flashed dangerously and as it snarled, eight very long and sharp fangs were revealed, – standing out between the two rows of smaller, but also rather pointy-looking teeth – causing Morty to freeze up in terror. "Run, Morty!" A jerk of his arm pulled the teen into a run and his body's reflexes kicked in causing his legs to fall into the familiar motion of a sprint. The wild beast looked unimpressed and actually jumped after them on its six long legs. Morty thought for sure that it would get them since it was quickly gaining. Too focused on the animal that was chasing him, he didn't notice how Rick pulled out his plasma gun from the inside of his lab coat. Just as the beast almost reached them and took the last leap with which it would get Rick and Morty, the boy yelped as he was suddenly pulled to the ground. Held securely against Rick's chest by the man's left arm, it barely registered to the teen that the scientist used his other hand that held the gun, to shoot at the animal that jumped over them. He could barely hear the screech of the beast as it fell over the heavy pounding of his heart – or was it Rick's heartbeat that he heard? Morty couldn't tell, being so close to his grandfather right now. What did register to him though was the heat on his cheeks. As well as the fact that they were both still panting heavily from the exertion. The moment was unfortunately very short-lived as Rick let go of him and stood up. "Heck, yeah! Got that fucker good!" The scientist shouted full of pride as he saw that the beast wasn't moving anymore, clearly done in by the huge wound that he had inflicted on its delicate stomach. "C'mon, Morty! We're almost there." Certainly enough their brief chase had brought them thankfully closer to the mountain and Morty could already see its foot in the distance. Well, that was at least one part of their adventure done, he figured and continued to follow his grandfather who led the way. "Why are we doing this again, Rick?" Morty asked on the short way, having managed to fight down the blush in the meantime. "You'll see once we're up there, Morty." Was the only answer that he received. Unsure Morty looked up and wondered how they would do that. The mountain was huge! He couldn't even see the top from here since the summit was somewhere above the blanket of clouds. There was no way that they would manage to make it in one day. With how things were going, the teen would be lucky if he would make it to school within this week. Fortunately, his grandfather seemed to have a solution for this. He pushed one of the buttons of his lab coat and suddenly two hooks shot out if the inside and up into the sky. Sturdy, metallic ropes were attached to them. "Grab onto me, Morty." Rick instructed him. Being unsure where exactly to hold onto his grandpa, Morty decided to innocently climb on the other's back while fighting down another blush that threatened to rise up on his face. "Better hold on tight, Morty!" Was the last warning that he got before Rick pushed another button on the coat and they were quickly pulled upwards. After overcoming the initial shock of the sudden rapid movement – and stopping his screaming – Morty decided that this actually wasn't so bad. Even if he only clung to the scientist's back, he could feel the body heat and smell Rick's familiar scent, which was a mix between motor oil, alcohol, some other weird chemicals and what the boy liked to simply describe as Rick. The blush won finally out, but thankfully his grandfather couldn't see that and he pushed his head a little closer to the back of Rick's neck under the pretense that he was just scared of falling off. As they quickly ascended the mountain, he was lost in his own little world. However, a loud roaring sound interrupted the cozy atmosphere and Morty noticed how it was quickly getting darker around them. Once more the thunder rolled – this time even louder – as they traversed through thick rainstorm clouds. The teen sputtered a little as he looked up and suddenly it really started to pour heavily, water getting in his eyes. A bright flash made him almost jump and his heart raced anew as he noticed how close they had been to being hit by that lightning bolt. Knowing that they were technically hanging on two earth wires – if those ropes really were made out of metal – didn't ease his nerves one bit. The panic didn't last long though as they eventually broke through the wall of thick dark clouds and the temperature became warmer around them. He breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed the slightest bit, but that was another mistake that he made. He didn't notice it that quickly, but the further they moved upwards the more the temperature was increasing until it reached a level of unbearable heat. To add the cherry on top, the sturdy rock wall gave way to a landscape that looked like lava and erupting volcanos that all stood sideways. They just barely evaded a fireball that was spit out of the mouth of one of those craters. "What the hell is this, Rick?!" Morty cried and tightened his grip in fear. "What does it look like to you, Morty?" Rick asked back, apparently unimpressed and not one bit surprised by the insane sight. With the air being too hot, the boy made the wise decision to not continue this argument as it would only quickly dry out his mouth. Eventually they passed through this part, too, and the air began to cool down again. Actually, it became too cool! Morty wasn't even surprised anymore when it suddenly started to snow. With chattering teeth, he clung tighter to his grandpa in search for body warmth. After all, he was still only wearing his pajamas and they weren't meant to keep him warm through a blizzard like the one that they were getting into. "Se-seriously, Ri-Rick." He stuttered thanks to his reflexively spasming jaw. "I-I do-don't get wha-what we-we are do-doing this f-for." "Trust me, Morty. This is totally gonna be worth it." His grandfather replied, seemingly completely unaffected by the extreme temperature drop. Just as the brunet feared that his limbs would die from the cold, the snow stopped and the air warmed up again. This time the temperature seemed to stay at a comfortable constant and Morty wondered what would come next. Thankfully, this seemed to be the last trial as they finally reached the very top. With another push of a button, the hooks dislodged from the stone that they had burrowed themselves in and the entire contraption vanished back into Rick's coat again. Morty looked around, but despite how dimly lit it was thanks to it still being nighttime on this planet, he managed to see that there was nothing of interest here. There wasn't a rare flower or crystal or whatever else he had imagined Rick having come here for. "What is this, Rick?!" He sounded pissed off now. "There's nothing here!!" The scientist took a seat on a somewhat even spot and pulled out his flask. "Shut up, Morty and park your pretty pink ass here." With his free hand, he patted the spot directly beside him. Still not understanding what was going on, Morty followed the direction and sat next to the man, but still frowned. Expectantly he watched Rick now, who was steadily sucking from his hipflask. With a sigh and a burp that sent his spittle flying, the scientist pocketed the container again and checked one of the three wristwatches on his arm. "We made it riiiight on time, Morty." The teen was still confused and opened his mouth to retort, but stopped when he noticed how the sky was suddenly lighting up. Looking up into the sky, he saw that the light came from a big moon that must have been really close to the planet. While the sight was certainly amazing, that wasn't all. Some bird-like aliens suddenly floated in the sky above them and began to glow in the same bluish-white light as the moon. The air was filled with a vibrating noise that sounded very melodious. Almost like a song. Then the flying creatures hovered around, their elongated bodies seemingly dancing in the air and reminding Morty a little of streamers on the string of a kite. The teen was utterly mesmerized by the sight, watching the odd phenomena with a gaping mouth. Rick grinned as he saw his grandson's reaction, having known that the boy would love this. "It happens only every 50 years that the five moons of Lzra 5 line up in one row like this, Morty. I've been here the last time and watched it from the very same spot." The scientist explained calmly and looked like he was reminiscing about that time when he had been still young and just started exploring the universe. "And whenever this occurs the Iczrga appear here and sing and dance like this. It's actually their mating ritual, but don't let that fact distract you from the sight, Morty." The brunet continued to watch the beautiful spectacle, watching how the Iczrga elegantly danced first alone, but then moved closer to another to dance together in the same rhythm with their chosen partner. Almost unconsciously he began to lean against Rick. Morty could feel his grandfather stiffen at the contact. The elder looked from the corner of his eye down at his grandson before he relaxed again and loosely put his arm around Morty's shoulder. The boy blushed from the contact and felt so immensely happy and at ease. Everything else was forgotten right now. It didn't matter that he had been pulled out of bed at 3 in the morning or if he was going to miss school. None of that mattered in this magical moment. He looked up at Rick again, his heart pounding wildly inside his chest, yet there was no fear inside him. "Rick?" He began, his voice barely above a whisper as if he was afraid that talking any louder would shatter this reality. His grandfather directed his full attention on him, looking expectantly, but there was also another emotion on his face that Morty couldn't read. "I love you, Rick." He breathed dreamily. "I love you so much." The reaction wasn't what he had hoped for, but what he should have logically expected. Rick frowned down at him and groaned, pulling his hand instantly back from his shoulder and leaning back as if he was suddenly disgusted by the contact. Morty felt a twinge in his chest and the dreamy look on his face turned to one of shame. With tears stinging at his eyes, he looked down in his lap as the dream-like moment turned into a nightmare in mere seconds. "Seriously, Morty! How often do we have to go through this again?" Rick sounded clearly frustrated. Of course, Morty was confused, not understanding what his grandpa meant by that. "What do you mean "again"?" "No point in telling you since you won't remember this conversation anyway." Without giving his grandson any answers, Rick drew his memory gun and wiped the boy's memory once more. With a sigh, he hoisted himself up and lifted Morty, preparing to get down the mountain again and backtracking to the parked space cruiser. This entire event had turned sour quickly and he felt really pissed off now. However, what he really felt was different. Even if he would never admit it to anyone – not even to himself – each time that Morty did this to him, it hurt Rick. With each time that Morty was confessing to him, Rick could feel his own heart breaking a little bit more…

AN: The next chapter might take a little while longer to come out because I decided to put smut in there and I always take longer to write that.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 4

[greyias]

Everyone, please excuse me for a moment as I break my normal cheery demeanor, to vent about something that happened on another website. But first, I want to assure all my dear Tumblrites that this has absolutely nothing to do with any of you.

I've just about reached my limit with FanFiction.net. I've had an account and hosted stories over there nearly since the site's opening, and have had to deal with the ridiculous changes to formatting and constant shifting of rules of what they deem acceptable. Like, hands down, Archive of Our Own is a superior site. The only reason I had continued mirroring things there is that I know it was still many readers’ main archive of choice.

And then I opened up my e-mail this afternoon to find a review on a very old story of mine.

Now, mind you, I've gotten bad reviews before, and I do one of two things: shrug/ignore them and go about my day or take a shot of tequila and shed a tear and then try to incorporate the feedback if it's relevant. Sometimes I might strike up a conversation with the reviewer in private if I think their words are actually coming from a genuine place (and in general I can tell when someone's just trying to pick a fight versus actually trying to be helpful).

Well, I finally reached the review today that made me want to actually respond to someone and say "Wow. Fuck you too, jackass."

I'm not sure exactly why this one outranks the time someone went off on me for not praising the magnificence of a car, or the time someone thought it relevant to veer way off topic in the middle of the review to tell me how their uncle killed themselves, or even the time someone called me a horrible putrid person because I dared to write about two men in a loving relationship.

And usually I just sit and stew on this in silence. Or talk about things like this in private and then let it go. I was fully intending to just delete this review and scrub it from my mind, but NOPE! In their infinite wisdom, FFnet has decided that I no longer have the ability to moderate reviews unless they come from someone not logged in. And while part of me understands why that policy might be in place, sometimes you just don't want to stare at some asshole's venting. Like this five-star review:

Ok, warning to future readers. This story is very well written. The plot is good. The characters are spot on. That said, by the time I got to the end I was so annoyed and p'd off, I wanted to smack the author. The saying, The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different response, applies to this story more than anything else I can think of. Seriously, readers be ware.

I'm sorry, what is this? A fucking eBay review? "Buyers Readers beware"? The story in question is clearly labeled with many warnings about the dark content contained within, and the fact that they willingly went in and read a story whose entire trope was based on the fact that things repeat. Like I’m fairly certain that was actually advertised/warned for as well. It's a time loop story. A time loop story whose entire premise is driving the POV character to the brink of insanity. Like that’s the point. It’s literally stated in the story’s summary.

(And before anyone tries to assure me the story in question is good, etc--that's not really my concern. I know it's on a lot of people's favorite list, and is a story some return to and read every so often. For once, I am actually not in doubt of the quality or effectiveness of something I put out there (and I hope that doesn’t sound conceited or anything). Thank you SGA Fandom, I still ♥ you all, you're amazing people.)

But, all of that aside, I think what makes me so angry about this is I'm fairly certain this is not the first review of this type that this person has left behind. Like it's not even a knock against my writing, I wrote this story ten years ago, when I was a very different person, and not as experienced a writer. But at the time I was someone who was unknowingly struggling with a debilitating chronic condition that affected my mental and emotional state. I was very, very sick and I didn't even know it, and I can't help but wonder how my past self would have reacted to this? Would I have been able to shrug it off then? Or would it have made things worse? And what if this person has said something like the above to someone who is struggling now like I was back when I originally wrote this story?

Like I feel the need to assure everyone I'm in a much better place now, and this story does not hold the same significance for me now that it did back then. Like, the words above don't even hurt my feelings -- they just make me angry. All I can sit here and think is if this jackass has sent similar reviews to other authors. How many times has this jerk tried to tear someone down instead of you know... close the window or say "this wasn't my thing"? Instead of trying to shame someone for something they've written. Like it’s okay to not like a story, maybe even say so in a polite manner. But to get on a high horse and tell everyone to beware?

Wow.

Like, technically that review doesn't break any of FFnet's rules on reviewing. So I don't even feel I can flag it (especially as the author of story in question, doing so would feel very... petty). But the site is set up so horrible, I can't even look at this person's review history to see if they've gone off on someone else. And maybe report them for repeated abuse. But I get a major bullying vibe off of that, and if there’s one thing I hate it’s a bully. Like you can come at me, whatever, but if someone starts picking on other people? That makes me angry. Like it’d be one thing if I could verify I’m the only person they talked this way to, but I can’t. And that’s frustrating.

So. Sorry for the rant, but I really needed to get that off my chest. Like I hesitate to take any of my works down off FFnet because I do know a lot of people return to their favorite sites to re-read things, but it's definitely discouraging me from wanting to add anything else there in the future. If the website is going to go out of its way to remove tools from authors' hands to protect themselves from unnecessary bile like above, what's even the point of posting there?

Maybe I'll just go make another donation to AO3 in protest. At least there they care about their users.

[kellodrawsalot]

What are your opinions on season 7? It was definitely my favorite season, the first by was dull but once they got to earth it was great. I felt it could have ended an episode early, though. I know I can't really ever ship Shieth again cause I just find that teacher student thing weird, nothing against people that do, though.

I can still ship Sheith but I understand why people woulndnt want to ship it,, I mean there are many ships who are like that such as two ships in Card Captor Sakura with the whole teacher-student thing, (trough one of them has a very disturbing age-gap and I dont get why Clamp thought that was ever a good thing) but Star Wars episode 1-3 has a age-gap relationship like that too and not to many people complained about that (is it because people find it okay if its between a boy and a older girl? idk..)

I havent finished season 7 yet, but imo I am not at all impressed. I think the writing is kind of all over the place and I feel the writers are falling into the same trap again as they were with Lok, (which worst seasons was season 2 and parts of season 4) Its deff not Avatar Legend of Aang good but I would say so far s7 isnt so bad as season 6 but I personally feel the series is ending on a bad note unless season 8 really changes things up. I deff can sympathize with the people who were let down by Shiro and Adam’s relationship (well he was his ex boyfriend) but it deff lacked consider they hyped it up so much at the comic con comes of as queer baiting and I have heard that Dreamworks didnt allow them to go further with Shiro’s homosexuality but maybe they should have revealed this after the series ended and show it in comic format where they had more freedom like Legend of Korra. But I am happy they didnt bend over to make Klance a thing. Dont get me wrong its a nice ship but it has no build up and the Klantis-fandom is beyond scary and dont really deserve that ship to be canon. But overral the writing is a mess. What I find most ironic is that some of the writers left Nick because the producers were giving them a hard time and forced them to avoid any Korrsami scenes and butchered their marketing and creative control. So they went to Dreamworks to get that,  and surprise again their writing and decisions has been altered and influenced by their producers they hold all the cards at the end. 

Having said that I am personally very disgusted by the way the Voltron fandom reacted. I understand criticism and being disappointed  when your animation series goes to hell I had that issues with several series both in anime and manga such as Owari No Seraph, certain parts of Digimon Tri and I was very let down and disappointed by Danganronpa v3 overall. 

But to send ‘’death threats’’ and haras the creators over it? 

What the heck? 

people saying they had a panic attack over the death of a character that hardly got any attention? people that were crying because they hated how season 7 ended? Sorry but, its just a cartoon, give it a bad rating and then go outside or talk to someone because such reactions is not healthy. The same people who are sending tweets at the Voltron crew telling them how bad they are for queer baiting the Lgbt community are some of the same people who missgender Bex and call Bex a fake lesbian by mocking Bex to refer Bex as a cis straight woman. HOW is the latter not more harmful to the lgbt community?  because it sends the message that its okay to be transphobic and homophobic to a none binary lesbian if their writing is bad….that is all sorts of messed up.

as for the death threats should I really go into detail why thats a bad thing and no no amount of ‘’they queer baited!!’’ justifies death threats, end of story. Tell them your criticism, send them your reviews but try to do that without being a bully and without resorting to homopobia and transphobia because that comes of as really freaking hypocritical and while your at it, send your criticism to Dreamworks as well for thinking a homosexual character is not appropriate for their series while at the same time allowing Netflix to market the series that way so they can still bank on their wokeness. 

Give up on Voltron if you want to 100 procent I understand that, focus on series that you like, I focus on Yuri on Ice and Steven Universe ( very posetive LGBT series) but I also started getting into older series that I love like Klonoa, But dont go deep into the toxicity of hating.

Sorry this ask just got super long and ranty and venting I just am tired of the whole Voltron series and discourse, its been going on for days, I am done with Voltron for now its not a good series atm, and I am so done with the fandom and its haters its such a unhealthy toxic place and there are more important things in life and more important things going on in my life right now then this. Now if you excuse me I am going to re-read my solo exchange diary again which is about a Japanese lesbian woman and people should buy it.