#this is mostly me hating on the trans community that i grew up in

[kori-dearest]

Oh Ok!!1! What if God made me perfect though ,

[velvetvexations]

"Trans women are women" used to be seen as this radical stance, a stance against the exceedingly popular standrd cis belief of "trans women are men" Now we're expected to believe that whole push was a lie? That "trans women are spicy women" is a belief that transmisogynists have? Transmisogynists?? The ones adamant about misgendering trans women as men? That's been their whole thing in fact...? They believe trans women are women and hate THAT?

They're just lying because it's fun to be mean to women. Such is the true beliefs of TRFs.

I wish I could submit a Patrick's wallet meme to you on anon because I swear every trf argument I see about how trans people are TOTALLY seen as our actual genders by cishet society really does feel like: "Terfs keeps creaming about how much they despise men and manly features, going so far as calling features usually belonging to people AMAB disgusting in great detail be they on women or men, correct?" "Yep." "And they talk in depth about how testosterone is poison and will turn you into a monster, correct?" "Uh-huh." "They speak regularly of how even male infants are evil, and cisgender lesbian separatism is the only way for women to be safe, you've noticed?" "They sure do." "And it's not just terfs either - plenty of transphobic talking heads otherwise all over the political spectrum conceptualize trans people as people 'pretending' to be the 'opposite' gender, as I'm sure you've seen?" "Yeah, I'm real sick of it." "So you understand, then, that much of the idea that trans women are an immediate physical threat to 'real' women and to straight men - the driver of arguably the majority of transmisogynistic violence - is based in misgendering?" "STOP CALLING TRANS WOMEN MEN AND STOP TRYING TO PRETEND MEN ARE OPPRESSED!!!1!!1!1 THEY'RE LYING ABOUT THEIR BELIEFS OR ELSE THEY WOULDN'T HAVE TREATED ME LIKE A FAGGOT BEFORE I CAME OUT, WHICH IS A FATE THAT HAS NEVER BEFALLEN A SINGLE MAN EVER!!!11!11!" ...come to think of it, do you think that last line is part of why so damned many of them are so determined to "crack the egg" of every GNC man or nonbinary person AMAB that they see? To prove that this kind of hatred is ONLY aimed at trans women and that proves their ~essential soul gender~ is real? Because honestly, fucking weak and pathetic.

kinna but that's mostly because they are just genuinely toxic whenever they see a man who could be a woman instead e.g. every crossdressing subculture

it's incredible that 'transphobes don't see trans women as women and they don't see trans men as men' is a controversial take now. what in the fuck is going on

unhealthy validation addiction

fellas, is it transphobic to acknowledge that transphobes are transphobic?

literally

The thing that bothers me the most about trfs is just how online they are, and I don't mean that to say they're harmless - I mean the opposite. I grew up in a VERY isolated neighborhood. I knew all of 2 other queer people in town. There certainly weren't hangouts for us. The nearest largeish city was a 3-hour, $100 round trip away - and that was also the closest other city-town-thing, at all. Going outside to meet queer community was NOT an option for me. What did I have? Why, I had the internet! As an adult I ended up moving to a relatively-nearby city. I also ended up being pretty badly disabled. Now I have access to outside queer gathering places...sort of. When I have the energy to go. Which isn't that often, and sometimes my choices of where to go are further limited because a lot of these things are in historical buildings with ADA exemptions so I can't actually get in the door in my wheelchair; I have to save those ones for the best of days. But the internet is still there for me! And no, offline queer spaces aren't utopian, you can still meet some REAL pieces of work there, the internet didn't INVENT exclusionist discourse - my (later admitted heterosexual!) mother had a whole stint as a political lesbian before the internet existed, so I know that from far too intimate experience - but the behavior there does usually seem to be tempered by 1) seeing as obviously as possible that the person you're talking to is a human being, not a disembodied source of words from the ether or a chatbot or whatever, and 2) being way more likely to get caught and thrown out and have the proprietor side against you if you start a fight. So who does this vile bigoted shit disguised as liberatory feminism affect the most? People who don't HAVE anywhere else to go, regularly or at all. Thanks, I fucking hate it.

Yeah. I'm completely alone out here and it sucks. People who don't have community need it the most.

tw for discussion of misogynistic hate crimes and things of that nature that happens in countries outside the global west it is SO glaringly obvious that the people in this stupid trans discourse are largely privileged and from western countries because they don’t think at ALL about people from other countries the trans woman in the middle east who can leave the country due to being AMAB is, in fact, more privileged than the trans man who can’t leave at all because he was AFAB and needs a man’s permission the trans women who aren’t being sold off as child brides ARE more privileged than the trans men who are forced to marry at age 12 and have children right off the bat like it is not that fucking cut and dry. there are more methods of oppression than transmisogyny and western problems. having privilege is far more complicated than that. and to be honest, i don’t think being ‘tme’ is much of a privilege when you’re the person AFAB who’s been murdered in an honour killing

Yeah, there's always complexity but people are obsessed with a black and white view where there's universally one good group and one bad group. It's why tankies exist. Cannot fathom that the West is bad and also maybe North Korea at the same time.

That - lady's entire blog is just her shitting on the "wrong" type of transgender person. Once again, people in our community are spending all their time infighting an attacking each other as opposed to actually fighting oppression. It's sad.

as ever

The fact that it’s now a cancellable offense to acknowledge that transphobes don’t see us as our actual gender(s) is so ridiculous I don’t even know what to say. I'm so sorry you consistently have people taking you in bad faith. This is one of the worst cases of wilful ignorance I’ve seen in a while. Seriously, I’m just dumbfounded. How the fuck did it get this bad?

this was sent right after I answered the anon mentioning a 'schism' so I'm assuming that's what it's in reference to specifically and dadgum it's more frustrating when it's people who should know better and have taken swings like this at me out of nowhere before

at least I know TRFs are going to TRF but it's exhausting having to deal with "so you're misgendering trans women??? the transandrophobia tag has officially become what it was always said to be!" from people in the same orbit, like disagree with me but can people please disagree with what I actually said before getting people apparently disavowing everyone involved in that thread?

and people have it rough sometimes and go through rough things and I feel for them going through rough things but that's not related to me so I'd appreciate not being swept into whatever other break is happening with other people who, again, aren't me

ppl be saying “to tmes it’s all genderfuck man in dress, until she asks you to respect her pronouns” like! i hate to break it to you but man in a dress isnt automatically a trans woman!!! that’s on you (general) for thinking that!!

they really fucking hate crossdressing men lmao and in fairness queer cis men have a lot of issues with misogyny but their identities are not mockeries of transfemininity and I need people to stop acting like it

ugh i hate that there are constantly posts in the transandrophobia tag that are like "well even though trans women are obviously more opressed and are totally right for hating us for our gender, could we maybe please have a word?? please we PROMISE we know we're evil for our male/afab privilege but just let us discuss our lesser issues a little bit" like omfg they're never gonna pick you

All of those people have me blocked lol.

[fleshengine]

Rocky Horror Picture Show: I didn't like it

Here's the thing, I was mostly paying attention to the puzzle in front of me while I watched it, so I don't think I can call it disjointed and nonsensical in good conscience. When it comes to the actual content I feel like it's somewhere between what people who grew up in the suburbs desperately want to have happen to them, and what their parents are terrified of happening to them. A lot of perverts who don't really have an "in" into sexual communities want to be swept off their feet by a group of people in a sex dungeon. They don't want to have to give consent, they just want things to happen to them. At the same time, being enticed into a house with the promise of safety and being sexually assaulted and raped is something that a lot of conservatives and shit scaremonger about. Neither of these things really happen irl, if you want to be part of a kink scene you have to talk to people and very few people would even consider doing the shit Frank does without prior consent. It's a situation that's both hot and terrifying and is equal parts fantasy and nightmare. In this way, the story is a trans woman.

Anyway heeeyyyyy let's talk about that transmisogynistic stereotype huh? Frank N Furter who I will just call Frank now is like... everything about the stereotype. Intense makeup, evocative dancing, revealing outfits, rapist, violent, seductress, broad shoulders with a thin waste. It's really hard to fully articulate but basically Frank is everything people who fetishize transwomen want about us, and everything people who demonize us hate about us. Look, even down to the name he goes by being a joke about sausage.

It doesn't help that everyone in my life who has expressed a fondness for the movie hasn't been transfem, and I think that's because it makes us feel viscerally uncomfortable. Like, hey look there goes Mr. Transmisogyny raping a married couple and killing a man woohoo I love seeing what the wider public thinks of my existence! At the same time it's held up as a fucking... pinnacle of queer story telling, I've heard there's live productions on pride, and fucking monthly public viewings at theaters. It's ridiculous. I don't care if it was groundbreaking when it was made, or if it holds importance now, it has been made obsolete by the progression of queer rep. We don't have to enjoy transmisogyny anymore, we can just enjoy being trans. I know this is sort of shouting "stop having fun" at people, but I think this movie is harmful to have in the queer cultural zietgiest. I think it should belong in history, not something that you show to everyone you can because "it's so gay, you have to see it." It doesn't help that I saw it right before I saw Psycho for the first time which is also transmisogynistic and demonizes mental illnesses (that I have). No hate to the guy whose house I was at, but those were a combo my dude.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

tw/cw: mentions of religion (specifically Christianity).

i’m Christian and aspec. for many parts of the Christian community, i’m not Christian enough. for some parts of the LGBTQ+ community, i’m against my own community and support someone who wants us dead. i’ve met many in both communities who are supportive but i’ve mostly met people who find my existence contradictory. i’m damned if i do, damned if i don’t.

i was raised Christian, and still believe in God. my parents taught me that God loves His children, even if they’re gay, trans, etc, since i grew up in a conservative Southern town and people will be nasty to you (for better perception, if you flew an LGBTQ+ flag, someone would probably publicly shame you or even try to hurt you). so they always raised me to be me and stand my ground.

i could go in a long story and explanation but i’ll keep it short. God has helped me through a lot, even with my discovery. i used to worry, yes (thanks to Bible-banging Christians), but i have not once genuinely feared being sent to Hell for being trans & aspec. i have no doubt in my mind that God still loves me.

it’s not easy dealing with the expectations, but i’m perfectly okay within my faith and wouldn’t wish for anything else now that i’m this far into it. so, if anyone else is struggling with the same thing, i’d like for you to know that God doesn’t hate you, He loves you and wants nothing but the best for you. the weight of other people’s words can be heavy but at the end of the day, your personal relationship with God matters most.

For any Christian followers who may find this helpful to hear.

[eldritch-collective]

[image id: a looping gif of Rain World Gourmand performing a power jump by throwing a spear and rock to get from the right ledge to the left ledge, almost backflipping in the process. end of id.]

Hello there! I wanted to make an anonymous MOGAI and LIOM blog to post stuff whenever I want to and maybe take some requests if I like it a lot!

My pseudo name is Service! If you'd like my pronouns, I use He/They/It/Angel and many other pronouns in general! I am physically and mentally disabled, neurodivergent, and plural. My spoons fluctuate due to being a systemmate within a very active system.

Stuff I'm likely to make for myself are pronouns, genders, plural terms, modifer terms, and bases for edits! I enjoy coining, flag designing, icons, emoji edits, and likely other stuff for requests! So that's likely what I end up posting most! I am completely open to whatever SFW to Suggestive and Graphic range in terms of requests and will properly tag. More info below! Feel free to promo!

Let me know if you wish to be untagged! @neopronouns @narcette @genderstarbucks @sugar-and-vice-mogai

I specialise in Fandom, Spiritual, Philosophical, Music, and more terms. I mostly focus on fandom and other special interests and hyperfixations. However, I love doing brutal and bloody terms, flags, and edits!

I have permission to do Traitians, Claseans, Damascean, and Voxus terms made by @flagmeanew (18+), as the mods have said the blog is now inactive.

My tags will be literal (i.e. flags will be labeled as flags) and I will provide image id's! If my id's are not sufficient enough, please let me know! My non-content tag will be "service.exe" and asks tag will be "askservice.exe".

I hold my judgement for the most part with requests, but I will lay out what I won't do! I refuse to do IRL people, Illegal and Unsafe content, Unsanitary, Known Trans/Homo/Queerphobic or other generally Hateful Creator Media, Potentially Dangerous or Harmful terms, and anything I personally do not experience (such as I am white and will not feel comfortable coining terms involving race).

If I decline a request, I'll post it for others to do! If I delete and do not post your request, it is likely because it's triggering for me or not appropriate for my blog.

My goal is to be as open as possible on this blog. Such as I reclaim slurs associated with my experiences. However, I am willing to listen and right my wrongs. I will post possibly triggering media, so please be sure to have any fandom or other media tags blocked already as I will be using fandom tags like "(fandom)" or "(content) tw" after the primary tags.

How I coin is that I often use my own heritage and culture that I grew up with! I usually use a mixture of Latin, Gaelic, and Nordic roots. I can technically do ones that are not ones I'm personally familiar with, but please include the roots you have in mind if you want me to use a different root!

Short QNA-ish to give more basic information: 1. This is a real blog. I am not trolling, making satire, nor creating this to fake my experiences. This is genuine and meant for fun for myself in self expression. 2. I do everything on desktop and use Clip Studio Paint EX, but a good free alternative is GIMP. 3. I may or may not queue as I post immediately after done sometimes or just queue it up when I have multiple ideas. 4. Since I'm sorta new to the community in regards to creating, I will be slow with responding since I have day-to-day things to take care of. 5. I do not have an explicit list for refusals in requests, so please be respectful if I do not do your request. I simply just want to create without restrictions on myself. 6. I do not have a DNI, but I will block if I find you to make me uncomfortable or are found to be against my boundaries. 7. I am okay with my terms being posted on Wikis, just provide credit and link back to me! 8. Spam likes and reblogs are fine! 9. I am all for systems of different origins (such as endogenic and more), mspec people, and have a lot of positive opinions about the communities I wish to participate in, even if not always active! I refuse to be exclusionary without good reason (i.e. I will believe in good faith first and foremost). 10. If I mistag something or you need a tag added, please let me know! I'll correct it as soon as I can! (This goes for incorrect, incomplete, or missing image id's as well!) 11. Gif on this post is from Rain World's Miraheze Wiki on Gourmand's wiki page. Icon is the second fight form of Gabriel from ULTRAKILL on the simplified Breathknightclasean flag. Header and Blog backgrounds are gifs made by industrial---complex on Tumblr. 12. This can and WILL update as time goes on since I am still learning the environment of the community due to having been inactive personally with the community.

[gin-draws]

Hey! Sorry I didn't see these forever, but it's totally something I've been meaning to address and I just haven't had words for a while.

Firstly: fuck terfs.

The rest is long so it’s under the cut:

Having JKR alive and running around spewing hate has definitely not helped my love for the series. She uses money that we gave her to fuel her hateful bullshit, and to actively attack not just the trans community, but whatever issue she disagrees with in the UK. It hurts as someone that grew up putting myself into this world to have the creator openly using her power and influence to go after other marginalized people.

Even before JKR started openly being horrible I had worked hard to overlook my discomfort with stuff in the series (there's a lot of problematic stuff that 10 year old me could overlook but 32 year old me can't lol). A big part of me getting past that was just making her world my own through my art. I loved the community I found in the fandom on tumblr. I loved the people I could interact with over a shared interest and something that brought us all joy. Especially other creators that made the world their own.

Over time though, engagement kind of fell off on tumblr. (Where the reblogs at.. am I right?) And slowly I went from being able to ignore negative comments here and there because of the good interactions, to being worn out by the growing overwhelming negativity. People act like they can just demand things from creators and we somehow owe it to fandom to do what they specifically want.

Want that character to be white? Draw them yourself.

(Making characters bipoc brings out a shocking amount of anger from people for no reason but racism...)

I had tried to make the story I'd grown up loving into something that made me happy. I made the cast diverse because I grew up surrounded by all sorts of cultures and religions and it made my world a lot bigger. I sometimes played around with my own gender identity through my art, and it brought me a lot of joy. (Sirius was a fun playground for getting through a LOT of my own shit). But it brought out a lot of vitriol, and over time I just got tired of it.

I mostly stopped posting art because now it's something I do for me. My own characters and stories where nobody could send anon messages telling me "x should actually be white because---" I put a lot of time and love into my work and if it doesn't make me happy, I lose interest. Doesn’t mean I stopped drawing, it’s just not fanart as much anymore.

(I draw a LOT lol)

I miss the story I grew up loving a lot. But I can't actively put money in JKR's pockets, which distanced me from the series. A lot of my interaction with the community became a little too negative to deal with. And so over time I drifted away. It makes me sad to have strayed from that world, but it just became a little too toxic for me.

It still brings me a lot of joy seeing the positive comments, and people appreciating my old art means a lot. But I kind of moved on for myself, and now I don't have to worry about hateful comments about canon and race when I post my dnd characters lol.

I’ll probably be moving hp art I’m not happy with anymore over to my old hp side blog instead of deleting it, but as an artist and creative I’ve moved on to my own characters and stories. (If I open up commissions and people liked my interpretations of the characters, I would love nothing more than to draw desi Harry, or black Hermione, or Sirius not giving a fuck about gender. Lmao)

[grymoria]

Growing up Transmasculine

Growing up, I was into things that were considered both for girls & boys and I continued to be into them until I became a teenager. When I was a teenager, I was no longer into things that were considered feminine. No dresses, skirts, heels, makeup, or jewelry, I even didn't like the idea of having long hair anymore. I wasn't into media or entertainment or that was considered feminine but my love of things that were considered masculine continued and it grew.

When I was in school, I got along with my male peers and I mostly had a good time hanging out with them. One day during middle school, I admitted to my male classmates that I was one of them during our last days of the school year. I didn't bother to hang out with the girls that often because I always had some sort of conflict with them.

 But the day that made me realize that I truly was transmasculine without even knowing it was the evening of my aunt's party. My mom was hanging out with my cousins/ her nieces. When she burped, one of my cousins responded by saying "Ew, auntie, be a lady." My mom laughed and said, "I may not be a lady, but I am a woman." Hearing her say that gave me the ick for some reason because I didn't want to be called either. This reminds me of another time of a female classmate of mine in middle school would usually say what ladies should do and that gave me the ick. I thought to myself that if those are the things that I have to do to be considered a lady then I don't want to be a lady.

Throughout that time growing up, I didn't think about my gender identity at all. All I knew was that I didn't like typical feminine things and I didn't like being called a lady or a woman but I didn't know what else to call myself so I just rolled with it. Around the ages of 18-20, I had a moment during a streamer's community on Twitch when people, mostly guys, thought that I was a guy because of my behavior and surprisingly I didn't take any offense to it. I was dressing up the way I wanted to look and I also had my first gender-affirming haircut.

It wasn't until a couple of years ago that I learned about the term Transmasculine. When I read the definition of what it is, I realized that is what I am and that is what I've been the whole time. I have officially considered myself a Transmasculine Nonbinary person for almost 3 years and I am still on the verge of trying to transition.

 The whole point of my story as a Transmasculine person is that Trans people have been getting a lot of hate for being Trans and the main ones that are getting that hate are Trans women / Transfeminine people. I would like to show that Trans men / Transmasculine people exist and I'm not doing this as a trend or for attention either. I already knew for years that I was Transmasculine but I didn't know there was a term for it until a couple of years ago.

[boomblebee-420]

Random MHA headcanons

Random MHA headcanons while I procrastinate finishing part 2 of snowflakes

Genre: Fluff, slight angst, crack

Warnings: Mentions of abuse

Characters: Katsuki Bakugou, Izuku Midoriya, Shouto Todoroki, Sero Hanta

A lot of this is me projecting onto characters lol. Also includes some BakuTodo and SeroRoki

IF YOU DON’T LIKE THESE, KEEP SCROLLING

Katsuki Bakugou

-Gay, demisexual

-He/Him

-Secretly loves Twilight 

-Had a doberman, its name was Dynamight 

-Cries when he’s angry

-Has OCD

-Introvert

-Really into chemistry

-Reads a lot

-Extremely touch starved, so he doesn’t really mind when people hang on him (he still acts all pissed off though)

-He and Tokoyami are good friends, they’ll read together in each others dorms 

-Cooks dinner most of the time

-Knows sign language because he’s hard of hearing

-Goes grocery shopping with Todoroki 

-Trans FTM

-Major mommy issues because Mitsuki’s abusive, but still loves her because she was extremely supportive when he came out to her and Masuru

-Goes mountain climbing with his dad and Kirishima 

-Has memorized The Raven by Edgar Alan Poe and uses this to his advantage (its how he and Tokoyami started hanging out)

-Eats really healthy, hates it when Todoroki makes him dinner because it's usually instant noodles, but he still eats it 

-Sucker for cuddles. Loves it when Todoroki lays his head in his lap

-Writes in a journal when he’s upset, but it's pretty much impossible to read because his handwriting deteriorates when he’s worked up

-Has blown up said journal before

-Taught the rest of Class 1A sign language per Aizawa’s request 

-Listens to dad rock but also really likes indie and grunge

-Knows how to play drums (obviously) and the guitar

Izuku Midoriya

-Pansexual

-He/They/She

-Genderfluid

-Keeps all his old notebooks

-Hangs out with Tsuyu and Kirishima a lot

-Keeps a pet fish, her name is Goldeen

-Autistic, hyperfixated on Pokemon for a long time, hence the fish’s name

-Currently hyperfixated on All Might

-Growing out her hair because Ochaco told them that she can braid

-Visits Eri as often as they can, gives her his old hero action figures and pokemon cards

-Extremely tone-deaf

-Listens to pop-punk and emo, Green Day is her favorite artist

-Can’t play any instruments

-Picky on what books she’ll read

-Read The Book Thief over 20 times

 -Ambivert

-Thinks about his dad a lot, and writes letters to him monthly

Shouto Todoroki

-Unlabeled

-He/They

-Loves to dance

-Really likes vines and memes, surprised the entirety of Class A and B when they all had a vine war and he won

-Very protective of the people they care about

-Autistic, but not diagnosed yet because Endeavor refuses to let them get one

-Plays piano

-BUCKET HAT SUPREMACY

-Loves to lay his head in people’s laps, especially Sero’s and Bakugou’s

-Keeps everything their classmates give them

-Like my guy has shelves and boxes full of little gifts from everyone

-Can’t cook for shit but still tries their best

-Daddy issues, as we all know

-Chews on his pens and pencils

-Writes a lot. Mostly just random thoughts but has written several short stories

-Also likes to draw, and is very good at it. They’ve drawn Sero and Bakugou before

-Non-verbal most of the time, was overjoyed when Bakugou taught everyone sign language because it made it so much easier to communicate

-Likes to stick to a schedule 

-Fully believes Tokoyami is related to Hawks in some way

-Loves conspiracy theories and crime shows

-Listens to the Howl’s Moving Castle soundtrack on repeat. It also helps them sleep

-Obsessed with Sero’s piercings 

Sero Hanta

-Non-binary 

-They/He

-Omnisexual

-Autistic, was diagnosed at a really young age

-Has several piercings and stick and pokes

-Let Todoroki tattoo a smiley face on their leg

-Wears a lot of chains

-Beanies for l i f e

-Grew up in lower middle class, and wasn’t always able to buy new clothes so they’re really handy with a needle

-Makes his friends clothes all the time

-Has an older sister, they love her to death

-Flips off Endeavor whenever he turns his back. Hasn’t gotten caught yet, probably never will

-Obsession with pins

-Listens to shoegaze and indie rock

-Has bad vision, wears contacts most of the time

-Dances with Shouto a lot

-Really likes to garden

-Loves frogs

-Likes to dress up as Spiderman and swing around

-Is actually really quiet when their happy and content

-My guy’s a nervous talker

-Comes up with nicknames for his friends. Actual nicknames, not weird shit like Pink Cheeks and Icyhot (Cough Bakugou cough)

[fierceawakening]

2/? It seems like most of the female people I know these days are nonbinary; if engaging with them the way they prefer stopped taking mental effort to walk on eggshells that would be better for everyone. As it is, I just... I feel like I'm staring at the naked Emperor, and if I breathe one word of his nakedness in the wrong situation I'll get excommunicated from the "queer" community. And when I do manage to find someone to talk to in private, they either agree that yes [CONT'D]

That's fair! It took me a long time to figure out what I thought nonbinary was, and longer than that to consider whether applying it to me made sense. I can tell you what this process is/was like for me, if it's helpful.

I knew since I was very young that I was Different from Other Girls. I had a similar body (albeit a disabled one), and my understanding was that people with that body are called "girls" and referred to with "she," so I never really went through a period of thinking these didn't apply to me.

I also did not go through thinking I was a boy.

What I did go through? Was wondering a lot of the time if I "should've been" or "was supposed to be" a boy.

I tried to talk myself out of these feelings, as adults of both genders I knew about kept telling me "girls can do anything."

But the one thing they DIDN'T seem to consider a part of "anything" was "have penetrative sex as the top," and they certainly didn't explain to me that there are ways "Female" "shes" can do this, or that some people like it.

So I resigned myself to the idea that I was a girl, that there's no "should have been" it made any sense to feel, and that it just meant that where most people grew up to want to have sex, I would grow up to NOT want to have sex, because I'd always have to do it wrong.

That, or I would reach this "puberty" thing people kept talking about, and everything I was wondering about would magically invert and I'd become Correct and stop asking myself this stuff.

Now it could have been I was just a butch lesbian, but again... I didn't have context for what that was! I knew, vaguely, that some girls date girls and some boys date boys and it's less common but valid, and I did kind of wonder if that would make it better, and told a few people I thought I'd be a lesbian, as it was the only thing I could make parse at all.

When it became clear in my adolescence that I crushed hard on girls but ALSO (a bit less intensely but it was definitely there too) on boys, this was a bit of a scary revelation. And do what with them? How? I wanted SOMETHING, but I couldn't tell what that was unless, again, I imagined myself in a male body, whether topping a female or a male or some imaginary combination. (Yes, please.)

I knew "FTM transsexuals" existed, but I didn't know that I was one of those. I talked to them, and made friends with many, and am still glad to be friends with many (hi guys, love you!) but... they seemed to really like not just the idea of their bodies becoming less alien to them, but the idea of BEING BOYS. Which seemed to me like, okay, I'd have the right body for sex and that would be lovely, but then the rest of the time I'd have a body that wasn't at all like a girl, when "girl" was what I was... mostly... except for this... THING.... oh god I'm so weird, I'm just a freak.

Fast forward to college. I took a gender studies course, trying to figure out what the fuck was up with me (and made the disastrous assumption "gender therapy" meant you tell a mental health professional that you suspect you might be trans, and they gently and without judgment talked you through what your life might be like if you transitioned vs if you didn't, and helped you to come to an authentic decision and then supported you in it. All I got was "do you hate your period? No? Then you're cis. Bye.")

A really fucked up thing happened. I now think of it as, well, really fucked up. But there was a section in our textbook talking about sex differences and what they were, and why they're not the same thing as gender differences, and in it was a photo of the naked body of a person with CAH--a masculinized female body, including bottom growth.

I now feel very weird I ever saw that, and apologize profusely to whoever that was that someone took photos of her(?) body.

But I had a lightbulb moment. My mind went, "if that was my body, I wouldn't feel weird any more."

Which led me to: okay, I DO have sex dysphoria. I wasn't making that up or parroting words I'd heard trans guys say or something. But I didn't have it quite in the way that they had it. I had it in a way that felt like "I belong somewhere in the middle. I'd be happiest like that, but am afraid I'd be bashed if I was like that and openly so."

Why do I have this feeling? I do not know. I just know that when I pretend it isn't there because it's weird and silly, it doesn't go away. I just feel like the same person I was a moment ago, just now I'm weird and silly.

Some butches seem to describe similar feelings. I lurked in those communities a lot and still do sometimes. But I wasn't a lesbian, I was bisexual. People seemed to be very weird about caring a lot about that bit, so I didn't dare delurk.

But it did seem to me that the gay community was actually *much* more about people who felt weird in their bodies or gender role than "gay people just like people with the same body" described.

Now do I know for sure testosterone would help? No, as I haven't tried it--but I do know that the feeling I am calling dysphoria intensifies horribly if I take any birth control pill stronger than the weakest on the market, which seems to confirm to me that there's a level of estrogen that feels wrong, and leads me to want to find out if a higher level of testosterone would feel "right."

(If it didn't? I'd toss it.)

What frightened me all my life was that people never seemed to talk much about in-between feelings. if you confessed to them you were proving you were cis. and if they were sexual? Hoo boy, you're just messed up.

Now people talk about feeling like being in the middle much more openly, and they call that non-binary. So... why not use that word? Especially when there isn't this weird "did you ever enjoy sexual contact with someone who was male? Or were you going through fundamentally unpleasant motions in every way all the time?"

Which I can't answer as "because I felt uncomfortable in my body and role, it was all completely awful." I did feel off and weird, but I didn't completely lack enjoyment, and I certainly enjoyed seeing my partner's pleasure and knowing that being with me caused that.

So there you go.

[snarltoothed]

Its pathetic how you're trans exclusionary and also bisexual & agender. Do you think that if transphobia continues they're not coming for you next? You think you're safe from being called a freak or a pedophile or from being accused of invading other people's spaces? From legislation and the dominant social paradigm othering you and making your life hell? You think throwing others under the bus will save you? You're a fucking coward and I hope you get a sense of reality.

i totally forgot that you even sent this ask because guilt-tripping from random strangers really doesn’t faze me — sorry!

anyways, umm, it’s pathetic how you’re sending random feminists hate mail over something that is literally not even true! i fully include trans and nonbinary people within my feminism — just not transwomen and nonbinary males because i believe female people of any gender still face challenges, discrimination, and oppression directly related to the sex we were born as!

…which wait, before you tell me intersex people exist, i know that! but intersex disorders are medically sex-specific and binary, and in the extremely rare case that a chromosomal male was born and grew up with entirely female external genitalia (usually as a result of Sweyer syndrome), i’m fully open to nuance when it comes to their inclusion within the radical feminist movement, especially given that the trans/qu**r movement has repeatedly ignored the requests of both individual intersex people and intersex organizations to stop equating the trans and intersex experience. it’s not like they can turn to you guys for any actual understanding or compassion.

in my LGB advocacy, trans people are also not excluded based on their gender identity! the only people excluded from my LGB advocacy are heterosexuals — which yes, i’m sorry, i do live in the real world where sexuality is based on actual physical sex, so yeah… “transbians” and “gay transmascs” are generally excluded (those open to or exclusively T4T aside) on the basis that they do not experience same sex attraction. but if you’re not straight, congratulations! my LGB advocacy is also for you.

the “agender woman” in my bio is also mostly a joke, “agender” more as in “atheist” — i do not subscribe to the belief system of gender. although, if i did, that’s probably still how i would describe myself because even if i thought that innate gender identity was a thing for other people, i don’t have one. i don’t identify with femininity. i do identify with my lived experience of being female. idk how else i would explain that in your community without being scalped, lol. and it’s poking a little bit of fun at my teenage self for actually genuinely telling the more micro-label oriented of my peers that the best i could describe myself was as a “demibisexual agender girl”.

if anything, though, the people standing in my way of being freely truly agender and living as a woman are BOTH conservatives and the trans/qu**r movement, because i really don’t want to have to have an ideological argument with either of you about what the fuck my leg hair means, i don’t want to be assigned a non-woman for having body hair and not being extremely feminine by EITHER of you! you are both supporting a dominant social paradigm which others me and women like me, it’s only the way in which you shame me and make me feel like a freak that differs.

i’m fully aware how the American political parties have lumped very separate issues into the same bills and are practicing other nefarious political schemes to remove womens’, childrens’, and LBG peoples’ rights by using the decrease in public support of the trans/qu**r movement to pass bills and laws that otherwise wouldn’t be passed… because y’all keep supporting fucking pedophiles? maybe stop doing that or if you personally aren’t, tell your buddies that trans people can be horrific criminals, just like any other subset of people, because all individuals are different, and murderers and rapists and pedophiles don’t deserve public support even if they’re trans. the fact that the most vocal of the trans community keep defending and supporting convincted pedophiles, rapists, and other dangerous violent criminals simply on the basis that they are trans is a large part of WHY many of us “cis” LGB people are publicly separating ourselves from the TQ+, we know how bad that shit looks and have historically condemned the members of our own communities who have been revealed to be pedophiles and rapists. not to mention the fact that the heterosexual TQs are like, wildly homophobic.

pretending outright that trans people cannot be violent criminals is something that can and rightfully should be criticized — i would criticize the assertion that any protected minority class status makes a person immune to any sort of violent criminology, or otherwise not deserving of facing consequences for committing violent crime, especially sexual violence against children, including the minority classes i belong to. i’m certainly not against trans people recieving proper legal defense, and i believe trans people deserve the same presumption of innocence as anyone else until proven guilty in a court of law… and while i do not believe males belong in female prisons (as inmates OR staff, tbh), i do believe that prisons in general are in desperate need of reform and that that reform should be considerate of the needs of vulnerable male populations such as transwomen and gay men for safety from other men while also maintaining female-only prisons.

i don’t know what you expect me, a poor & disabled woman living in a northern democrat-controlled state, to do about the shady shit happening in Florida and elsewhere in the American south. i’m not even in a position to vote on anything that could be considered “throwing other people under the bus”. the biggest things i’ve voted for were keeping the state democratic, legalizing weed, and protecting the right to abortion. i’m sooo politically evil and throwing so many people under the bus and totally perpetuating a genocide… which i guess if you’re a conservative you could say about the fetuses, but, since you’re barking up my tree for siding with conservatives, i’m hoping that you’re at least fucking pro-choice.

I’m not trying to be mean here, but you kinda came up in my inbox being mean first… so frankly I think you’re the coward for not thinking independently and for needing to harass women who do, and I hope YOU gain some sense of reality, as well as empathy and nuance.

[aaronymous999]

I think many queer people who are exclusionists have been shaped that way by queerphobia which is incredibly sad.

The flaws in homophobia/transphobia is honestly really aren’t their facts or statistics or the things they say- there’s no logic and even if their is the problem will and always will be their conclusions from the information. For example, the most common argument I’ve seen is “Having more gay representation will make the kids gay.” And the thing is this is an entirely neutral statement, the claim in itself doesn’t really mean anything to me, because it’s vague, there’s no context and there’s nothing inherently wrong with being gay.

Homophobia’s problem is coming to hateful conclusions from mostly neutral statements. Or hyperfocusing on the gay aspect to fuel their hatred.

A lot of exclusionists regret the idea of trans people without gender dysphoria because they feel that there has to be some sort of life threatening reason for someone to be transgender, because internally transitioning for “no reason” is an inherent evil. But that’s what the transphobes WANT you to think. There is no inherent evil to transition into a boy just because you like how boys look or you think boys are hot and want to be one, or any other reason. Of course medical transition needs long consideration but there’s nothing wrong with someone without gender dysphoria just deciding to change their pronouns to she/her and start using a girl name even if they had no problems as a man. The only people who think there’s something wrong with transness in any form are transphobes.

To get a little personal, I do have gender dysphoria and all the typical good gold star exclusionist binary trans person points. However, I don’t think it’s a bad thing that one of the reasons I’m transgender is because I grew up in a majority male household. I think due to my gender dysphoria I would have always been this way but my brothers and father definitely contributed. And for some out there, if they were born in a more gender equal society, they wouldn’t be transgender. And that’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with saying that. It doesn’t make you any less transgender.

As for accusations that are inherently negative, the problem is the conclusion and the “evil” drawn from it. Hearing about a story where a trans woman assaults someone, they draw the trans woman from the story and use it as ammunition against trans people as a whole. However the correct conclusion is that we are given little information her and all we know is that someone who happens to be a trans woman assaulted someone. One assumption is taken from hate and malice, and the other is neutral.

Not proofread just some thoughts and your friendly reminder that being queer has no rules and not to let internalized homophobia render you hateful for the members of our community who don’t follow as many “rules”

( I hate that I have to clarify this because I am worried it will be used as a strawman against me or will be co-opted by bad actors but I do not condone pedophilia, racism or anything like that. There is a difference between neo/xenogenders and “genders” that are just racism and pedophilia apology. Queerness shouldn’t involve any of that. )

[gaithe-guy]

Ok, Ok... I know it said to share in the tags, but this is a little long so I'll put it right here:

Alright, so my stance on other people "having the same name as me"... Well, in a way, I don't really mind, except for specific instances... Let me elaborate on that.

STORY TIEM!

Ok, so I am trans. ftm. I grew up in a very "sheltered" area, so I didn't even know about transgender or mostly all of the lgbtq+ community until I was almost 30. (I know, hard to believe, but my wife can attest to this as well.)

My dead name (first name that is) is a very popular name of children my age. WHY did my parents name this is? Simple... They couldn't decide on a name for me when I was born (they literally thought I was going to die, so they waited like I think around 3 days before finally naming me), so they asked the nurse what the most popular name that a lot of baby girls were given... and viola that was my name. My last name isn't that common, so I was rather unique with that part, but anytime in school someone would call the first name out... Like, eight of us usually would look up and ask who exactly our teacher was asking for.

I didn't mind this. I don't mind people usually having the same name as me... What I DID mind was when I got to college...

Here I am, a sheltered kid finally getting out of the house and going to college, get to my orientation, and the college I went to had this interesting thing during orientation for a group where you would get in a wide circle so you could see everyone and then introduce yourself. So here we go, getting into our circle - most of us thinking this is INCREDIBLY uncomfortable or "stupid" but we're required to do it so here we all are... People start introducing themselves, we're going around the circle, we get to the guy beside me (he looked exactly like Jude Law at the time and people were convinced that it was actually him), and then it's my turn.

I'm incredibly uncomfortable, shy as hell, anxiety and panic out the whazoo, and so when it's my turn, I say my full name (because I'm a complete idiot when I'm in the midst of an anxiety attack), say where I'm from, what I liked to do, and then look at everyone in the group. By this point, I am like a deer caught in the headlights, because everyone is looking at me with either wide eyes or jaws dropped open...

And it's this guy across the wide circle that is the first to speak...

"No way! You're the porn star!"

Naturally, at that point - being sheltered and everything - I was EMBARASSED AS FUCK when the word "porn" was brought up, and here I am, blushing madly, sputtering, and my voice when I speak next is SO high pitched I swear dogs were howling fifteen blocks away as I yelled out "WHAAAT?!"

"Yeah! You look exactly like the porn star and have her exact name! Dude, can I get your autograph and touch your-" before he could finish his sentence the TA that was in charge of us interrupted, and all I wanted to do was hide as all of a sudden the group COMPLETELY forgot the exercise we were supposed to be doing in order to start talking about ALL of the different porn movies "I had been in"...

To make one thing INCREDIBLY clear... I WAS NOT - nor am I now - involved in ANY porn movies, let alone a porn star... But damn they were all convinced I was and even started shipping me and the Jude Law dude together which is... ugh, no plz and thank.

It was THAT DAY that I HATED someone else having my name... like literally my EXACT NAME (first, middle AND last)... (true, it's just her "stage name", but holy hell). Most other instances, I wouldn't mind... But a porn star having your exact name... please let me just bury myself beneath a rock and die, yeah?

So yeah, I don't mind people having my same name usually... unless you're a porn star... Then I have an issue with it, because I don't want to be mistaken for you -I still get embarrassed about those kinds of things. Of course, that is now my dead name... But yeah... as you can see, that story time was a little too long for tags and I just had to share it with someone other than my wife.

[adiosreid]

Three

Hi. I mentioned before that I’m 27. I get this weird jealous feeling when I see that a lot of younger queer kids have the ability to be themselves. I constantly have to remind myself that the landscape of being in the queer community has changed relatively DRASTICALLY in a relatively SHORT amount of time. I grew up in the Midwest. Gay marriage wasn’t legal until midway through my high school experience. So even if I thought I was anything but straight and cisgender, it still didn’t feel like an option to me. I grew up in the Catholic church too, but I may unpack that can of worms later.

I guess that’s all to say that at the very least until I was 18, my understanding of the LGBT+ community was that you were gay, you were a lesbian, or you were the opposite gender that you were raised as. I didn’t really know the term transgender, but there were a lot of words used that are not as nice. Bisexual was of course a term then, but it wasn’t as common as it is now. I don’t remember anyone around me saying they were bisexual until college. I had definitely never heard of the term Nonbinary, but “Androgynous style” was something I remember looking at online. It was a very “you’re a gay man or you’re a lesbian woman” vibe overall. Hell, we even still had the “Gay Straight Alliance” in high school. And, at least where I grew up, the only people who were out in high school were the loud and proud people and only gay guys and lesbian girls. No one who was trans. It’s been cool to see who has come out since then and see them flourish in a way they didn’t back then.

But I guess in high school I was certain of a few things. I liked guys. I didn’t seem to like them in the same way other girls did, but I definitely liked them. And that was enough for me to say “Okay. That means I’m straight.” Even if I thought girls were pretty. (I once got a pixie cut and told my mom when she asked me if this meant I liked girls that “No, I don’t like girls. But a lot of them are really cute.”)

I guess I’m a bit jealous of young people now who are aware of these terms and can understand themselves better earlier. Of COURSE there is truly no age “too late” to live authentically, but in practice it’s hard to remember that. It’s weird to see high schoolers who are confident in themselves in a way I don’t feel like I can achieve yet. I loved season 1 of Heartstopper but then it became difficult for me to watch. Seeing these teens who just…know who they are. Sure, it’s fiction, but that’s a thing now. Teens can do that now. Of course not all, there’s still loads of prejudice and hate and not all teens are able to come out or live as themselves but…it’s crazy seeing the progress in just the last decade. And the grief I feel at having missed out on that. Maybe if I was a bit younger, if I could have been young during this time, maybe things could be better? Maybe I could be able to explore myself more?

It's especially odd when I remember I’m 27. 27! I am an adult! I can’t think of anything that’s age restricted to me other than like the Presidency or something. I have been able to drive for over a decade. Been able to drink for 6 years. Can rent a car. And yet…I don’t feel like I can live as myself. Why? I’ve also noticed there’s not a lot of resources out here for queer folks in this age group. And that makes sense. We’re usually financially independent. We are mostly either already moved out or can if we need. But even though we don’t need these physical resources, damn do I wish it was easier to get more of the mental and emotional ones. I guess there’s this idea that if you’re this old, you should be able to figure it out on your own. And again, one of those things that in theory feels correct but in practice I very much see the lack. Plus, you can get caught in that “well I’ve spent 27 years living like this so…maybe I’m being dramatic.”  

And then I remember that again, things have changed so much. Even the fact that my high school had a GSA was new. The fact that people did come out is fairly new. Yes there's so much shit out there and shitty people and hate, but...we can come out. We're not sent to prison (or worse) for this.

I read almost exclusively queer romance books or books on the queer experience. I think part of it is like living vicariously through these books. Maybe that’s why I also really like YA, because it’s like having somewhat of the young queer experience. Reading these books have taught me loads more about myself, but that’s for another day. But what’s relevant to this entry is that I noticed I really like reading about characters who have to hide in some sort of way. Not in the like egregious “all the gays must suffer and suffer constantly” trope sort of way but like…maybe they live happily together in 1920s America while pretending to be best friends and roommates to the outside world and that’s enough for them. I guess I want to see people still being happy if they don’t feel safe to follow what seems like the “normal path” nowadays. As much as I love media where everything is sunshine and roses and people are understanding and accepting, it sometimes feels like I’m doing things wrong for “still” feeling unsafe and afraid. Even though I know that this isn’t wrong and that this is the way it is for so many people all over the world, it somehow feels even more lonely. Like I’m bad at being trans, if I am.

And sure, there’s no such thing as being bad at being yourself, but…I can’t help falling into that trap sometimes.

[crime-scene-psychic]

I've never thought of it this in depth before, but you're absolutely right. It's really hard cause I know a ton of queer people grew up with her books (myself included) and were obsessed and were able to see themselves in the characters, as yes, the books deal heavily with "diversity should be celebrated not shunned", which is exactly what we needed. The fact that it took a 180 at the expense of us is really hard to wrap one's mind around.

I have a fellow trans friend, who, yes absolutely hates JKR and isn't what I would call a Harry Potter fan by any means, but still bought Hogwarts Legacy, albeit, second hand, I believe. And while there's nothing inherently wrong with this strategy, as technically JKR isn't getting her money from us specifically, and they bought it mainly to support the creators, who are lgbtq+, it's still interesting to see how much of a grip this fandom has on people despite us knowing how God awful JKR is.

A second friend, on the other hand, is queer but not trans, and is still a pretty big HP fan. Has merch, bought Hogwarts Legacy when it was released, day one. When I would point out to her what JKR is saying about trans people, she would get a bit defensive, usually dodging any friendly debate and going more towards "separate the artist from the art" or "I don't like her, just HP."

I think it's also hard for non trans people, even queer cis people, to fully comprehend how harmful JKR is. They don't have the same experiences as trans individuals, therefore can't fully understand just how bad JKR is, even if they are, otherwise, great trans allies. They don't see how this is different from any other terrible person who made something people enjoy (which is why I have a particular problem with the entire "separate the art from the artist" mentality, but that, my dear Tumblrina, is an entirely different post for me to hijack).

It's very hard, and I never really realized this as I had mostly outgrown my HP phase from childhood, save for maybe mentioning my Hogwarts house if asked, but for people who were (and still are) invested in the fandom, it's very hard when all of a sudden the creator completely turns their back on you.

People dedicated a lot of time, effort, money, love, respect, and appreciation to this. And it may sound silly and childish to some, but to many this fandom was very important in discovering themselves, especially when it comes to the queer community. To be so outwardly attacked and betrayed is crushing. And to many, it's so much easier to try and bury your head in the sand and remove JKR from HP altogether. So yeah, I do agree that a lot of people:

A. Don't know JKR is actually as bad as she is

B. Think she's just another victim of cancel culture

C. Don't actually care enough to put the effort into educating themselves on the creators of their favorite fandoms

D. Try their best to ignore JKR and her influence, but don't realize entirely how problematic that still is (separate the art from the artist)

Or perhaps a mix of a few. It's an issue that seems as if it should be simple and straightforward, but has proven to be very difficult, much more so than I originally realized.

There are people who actually worshipped JKR and there are people who gushed about her because she wrote Harry Potter and they loved Harry Potter who literally knew nothing about her that wasn't in the author bio on the dust jacket. I think fandom oriented people tend to forget how big a population the latter was! But Harry Potter was so huge at its peak that it had a lot of casual fans who deeply, deeply loved the series, maybe even knew the trivia of the actual books inside and out, but never engaged with the fandom side of things or dove deep into meta information. There were normies attending midnight release parties, the series was that big.

[a-wild-things-rambles]

hi the post above finaly got me to wright down alot of my thoughts to do with john and the community's hes been part of and how that affects him [through my eyes as a younger person in alot of the same community's, looking at the people who have lead similar lives- minus the occult stuff[mostly]] its long but there is a tldr

[for context my tags on the post: #especialy “John wouldn’t probably own a bisexual flag ever or have any pride memorabilia”#that really made something click im my mind for john#alot of they way i approach john is through the lens of an old punk#idk how to explain but you have these people that are subtely off from the norm but normal people cant quite put a finger on#and you could never tell from looking that they say go to all the protests and riots and sing for the tories to die#theres people who wear it proudly#and people who hide it because of others reactions#or just cause its personal and not strangers buisness#i feel john grew up with people having enough reasons to put him down. hes not handing them more#but also theres a difference between pride in part of your identity and showing other ppl and strangers it#some stuff is very personal- im p out and proud queer but there are some other apects of my identity that im very proud of#but dont want to shout from the rooftops#cause its personal#and i think thats how john feels about his bisexuality#its part of him and i dont think he hates it#but its just. a part of him#sorry for the long tags tldr your right and i hadent thought about it like that but it makes alot of sense#john constantine]

I always feel it’s important to look at the character and the history, and not ascribe newer ideas and things to older characters- i think there is a lot of value in looking at how john would approach it differently than lot of people now- especially looking through the groups has been part of, the people I know like john [northern, working class, dysfunctional family situations, bounced around alternative groups and subcultures] sexuality isn’t really a big thing? people are accepting of queer people but. it’s just not a thing that’s announced, gender roles are being broken by most people anyway and there’s just this acceptance and disregard of labels that tends to come from being in the mixed community of all types of people who have all had millions of different labels - I found out that two of the people I consider my aunts are both bisexual cause my mum was joking about how they can pick anyone but neither have had a long term relationship. it’s just so casual, you love who you love, and you are who you are and it’s not really anyone’s business- i found out an old friend of both my parents was a trans woman- unfortunately I never met her before she passed- but I wasn’t told until years after I came out as trans because it wasn’t a big thing, just one part of the identity of an old friend. I think it’s hard for a lot of queer people to see someone talk about 'oh we don’t care about the labels' and how it’s not that important, but the way it is now and was seems to be the true ideal of that idea- no one cares about the labels- if they turn you down they turn you down, if they correct the pronouns they have corrected the pronouns, "be who you wanna be do who you wanna do". You’re the captain of your fate.

I mentioned bouncing around groups and labels, and it’s something I see a lot of irl and very much informs my view of john, I am part of a community of people who have all been through different subcultures and groups- rude boys and metalheads and hippies and punks and travellers- all having stood against the mainstream but found no one label fits them. most of the people I have met at the gatherings have very complex identities- rude boy to punk to post punk- hippie to punk and so on, the mixing and combining of subcultures to make something that’s the best of all the things you love and are- I know we talk a lot with john about him being punk/expunk- but he was a hippie for a while and has been part of many subcultures- to view him as a binary- punk and then post that, seems reductive- I know these days people have ideas more solid borders on subcultures, you’re a punk or a goth, rude boy or hippie- disregarding the long history of people being part of both or multiple groups- and the groups that form from those overlaps. so yea I think it important to acknowledge that john has been part of many subcultures and that informs him- especially the identity issues due to not being wholly one thing, it’s why my community is great- no one is simple, it always a mix- folk and punk, ska and folk, dub sets played on fiddles and banjos- it’s about celebrating our defences, and coming together in our differences to appreciate and celebrate the complexities and contradictions of others, and the things that come from that. one love and all that.

we are the sum of our experiences- and we should celebrate that!

but it comes to a point where you get tired of breaking down all the influences and your just you. are you punk? are you buy? are you a rude boy/girl? are you gender queer? you get tired of the labels and boxes and are just you- after all YOU are the sum of your experiences. other people can look at you and try an analyze you but that’s their thing- your you and the labels that used to matter don’t as much- your comfortable being you, you like some of the music some people do and some music others do- you dress like this but also like that. labels and trying to be a certain thing can get tiring, it’s easier to just be you. it’s a long road to get there- and a hard one to- but as much as I revel in being part of a group of people with the same experiences as me- it can get tiring having the only parts of my identity they engage with be the part we share- god knows I’ve made lots of friends through queer solidarity but sometimes I want to be me not the labels, to be looked at in three dimensions, its why there is a community of people whose best answer to most questions is 'it’s complicated'

ok that ran away from me but that’s why I think johns identity is complex and his queerness isn’t a big thing he shows of.

tldr: often people who go from subculture to subculture trying to find something that fits them get to old and tired to make themselves into the latest thing and no longer can be asked to care about labels and end up content being them and if u wanna try and break them down into all the separate identities then that’s your thing but it’s a bit weird mate. And that’s why I agree that johns not loud about his bisexuality.

[dirk-has-rabies]

Gender variance and it's link with neurodivergency

Okay so this is it going to be another long one

All quotes will be sourced with a link to the scientific journal I took it from

Okay Tumblr, let's talk gender (I know, your favorite topic) my preface on why this topic matters to me is: I'm autistic ( diagnosed moderate to severe autism) I'm nonbinary trans ( in a way that most non-autistic people don't understand and actually look down on)  and I went to college for gender study ( Mostly for intersex studies but a lot of my research was around non-binary and trans identities) I will be using the term autism as pants when I have experience with however when ADHD is part of the study I will use ND which stands for neurodivergent and yes this is going to be about xenogenders and neopronouns.

autism can affect gender the same way autism can affect literally every part of an identity. a big thing about having autism is the fact that it completely can change how you view personhood and time and object permanence and gender and literally all types of socially constructed ideas. let me also say hear that just because Society creates and enforces an idea does it mean that it doesn't exist to all people it just me that there is no nature law saying that it's real and the “rules” for these ideas can change and delete and create as time and Society evolves and changes.  gender is one of those constructs.

Now I'll take it by you reading this you know what transgender people are  (if you don't understand what a trans person is send me an ask and I'll type you up a pretty little essay lmao,  or Google it but that's a scary thought sense literally any Source or website can come up on Google including biased websites so be careful I guess LOL) anyway to be super basic trans people are anyone who doesn't identify as the gender they were assigned at Birth (yes that includes non-binary people I could do a whole nother essay about that shit how y'all keep spreading trying to separate non-binary people from the trans umbrella)  some people don't like to use the label and that is totally fine by the way.

now autistic people to view the world in a way differently than allistic (neurotypical) ppl do.  we don't take everything people teach us at 100% fact and we tend to question everything and demand proof and evidence for things before we can set it as a fact in our brains. This leads to why a lot of autistic people are atheist (although a lot of religions and this is not bashing on religious people at all I am actually a Jewish convert)  this questioning leads to a lot of social constructs being ignored or not understood At All by a lot of autistic people and personally I think that's a good thing.  allistics take everything their parents and teachers and schools teach them as fact until someone else says something and then they pick which ones to believe. autistic people study and research and learn about a topic before forming an opinion and while this may lead to them studying and believing very biased material and spitting it out as fact it can also lead them to try and Discover it is real by themselves.

because of this autistic people are more question their gender or not fall in a binary way at all as the concept of gender makes no sense to a lot of us. “ if gender is a construct then autistic people who are less aware of social norms are less likely to develop a typical gender identity”

no really look: “ children and teens with autism spectrum disorder ASD or Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder ADHD  are much more likely to express a wish to be the opposite sex compared with their typical developing peers” That was posted in 2014. we have been saying this stuff forever but no one wants to listen. the thing is gender variance (being not cisgender or at least questioning it)  has always been closely hand-in-hand with autistic and ADHD people I'm even the doctor who did that study understood right away that it all made sense the whole time: “ Dr. Strang said they were initially surprised to find an overrepresentation of gender variance among children with ADHD. However, they later realized that prior studies have shown increased levels of disruptive behavior and other behavioral problems among young people with gender variance”  SEE YOURE NOT WEIRD YOURE JUST YOU AND YOURE NOT ALONE IN THIS!!

5% autistic people who did the study were trans or questioning. it was also equal between the Sexes fun fact. that may not seem like a lot till you realize that the national average is only .7% that's literally over 700% higher than the national average. That's so many! and that's just in America.

 in Holland there was a study in 2010 “ nearly 8% of the more than 200 Children and adolescents referred to a clinic for gender dysphoria also came up positive on a assessment for ASD” they weren't even testing for ADHD so the numbers could be even higher!

now I want to talk about a  certain section of the trans umbrella that a lot of autistic people fall under called the non-binary umbrella. non-binary means anything that isn't just male or just female. it is not one third gender and non-binary doesn't mean that you don't have a gender. just clearing that up since cis people keep spreading that. non-binary is an umbrella term for any of the infinite genders you could use or create. now this is where I'm going to lose a bunch of you and that's okay because you don't have to understand our brains or emotions To respect us as real people. not many allistics can understand how we see and think and relate to things and that's okay you don't have to understand everything but just reading about this could be so much closer to respecting us for Who We Are from you've ever been and that's better than being against us just for existing.

now you might have heard of my Mutual Lars who was harassed  by transmeds for using the term Autigender (I was going to link them but if it gets traction I don't want them to get any hate)  since a lot of people roll their eyes at that  and treated them disgustingly for using a term that 100% applied correctly.  Autigender  is described as " a neurogender which can only be understood in the context of being autistic or when one's autism greatly affects one's gender or how one experiences gender. Autigender is not autism as a gender, but rather is a gender that is so heavily influenced by autism that one's autism and one's experience of gender cannot be unlinked.” Now tell me that doesn't sound a lot like this entire essay I've been working on with full sources…..

xenogenders and neopronouns are a big argument point on whether or not people “believe” in non binary genders but a big part of those genders is that they originated from ND communities and are ways that we can try to describe what gender means us in a way that cis or even allistic trans people just can't comprehend or ever understand. Same with MOGAI genders or sexualities. A lot of these are created as a way to somehow describe an indescribable relationship with gender that is so personal you really cant explain it to anyone who isnt literally the same as you.

Even in studies done with trans autistic people a large amount of them dont even fall on a yes or no of having a gender at all and fall in some weird inbetween where you KINDA have a gender but its not a gender in the sense that others say it is but its also too much of a gender so say youre agender. And this is the kind of stuff that confuses allistic trans people and makes them think nonbinary genders are making stuff up for attention, which isnt true at all we just cant explain what it feels like to BE a trans autistic person to anyone who doesnt ALREADY know how it feels.

In this study out of the ppl questioned almost HALF of the autistic trans individuals had a “Sense of identity revolving around interests” meaning their gender and identity was more based off what they liked rather than boy or girl. That makes ppl with stuff like vampgender or pupgender make a lot more sense now doesnt it? We see that even in the study: “My sense of identity is fluid, just as my sense of gender is fluid […] The only constant identity that runs through my life as a thread is ‘dancer.’ This is more important to me than gender, name or any other identifying features… even more important than mother. I wouldn't admit that in the NT world as when I have, I have been corrected (after all Mother is supposed to be my primary identification, right?!) but I feel that I can admit that here. (Taylor)” and an agreement from another saying “Mine is Artist. Thank you, Taylor. (Jessie)” now dont you think if they grew up with terms like artistgender or dancergender they would just YOINK those up right away????

In fact “An absence of a sense of gender or being unsure of how their gender should “feel” was another common report” because as ive said before in this post AUTISTIC PEOPLE DONT SEE GENDER THE WAY ALLISTIC PEOPLE SEE IT. therefore we wont use the same terms or have the same identities nor could we explain it to anyone who doesnt already understand or question the same way! Participants even offered up quotes such as “As a child and even now, I don't ‘feel’ like a gender, I feel like myself and for the most part I am constantly trying to figure out what that means for me (Betty)” and also “I don't feel like a particular gender I'm not even sure what a gender should feel like (Helen)”

Now i know this isnt going to change everyones minds on this stuff but i can only hope that it at least helped people feel like theyre not broken and not alone in their feelings about this. You dont have to follow allistic rules. You dont have to stop searching inside for who you really wanna be. And you dont have to pick or choose terms forever because just as you grow and evolve so may your terms. Its okay to not know what or who you are and its okay to identify as nonhuman things or as your interests because what you love and what you do is a big part of who you are and shapes you everyday. Its not a bad thing! Just please everyone, treat ppl with respect and if you dont understand something that doesnt make it bad or wrong it just means its not for you. And thats okay.