#this is making me insane i cant believe this is happening | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cherikyaoii · 3 days ago

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thinking about how i bought this comic the other day and opened it to this which is the fucking FIRST PAGE??? LIKE HELLO!1 this genuinely makes me so sick like why is he like this and i also did get the next issue with the cerebro sword story which is so insane i cant believe this stuff like actually happened . I CANT GET OVER "If only you were made of metal, I might put you back together." LIKE HELLLOOOOO???? WHAT YOU CANT JUST SAY THAT

#i showed this to my friends #they asked if i was showing them yaoi #basically yeah!#me yapping…#cherik #xmen #magneto #charles xavier #krakoa

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thebookofbill · 19 days ago

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Studio Bad Egg, the small brand that created the Cipher Cult collection and recent Pines family figures, is considering creating ANOTHER FORD FIGURE. FOR VALENTINE’S DAY. AND HE’S POSSESSED BY BILL

THEY KNOW

I cannot overstate how important this is: IF YOU WANT ONE OF THESE FIGURES, VOTE FOR IT! Studio Bad Egg is a small brand that cannot afford to make things if there isn’t enough interest, and the best way to show interest is by voting! The Instagram poll is linked here.

GET OUT THERE, VOTE, AND SUPPORT THE FIGURE SO WE CAN HAVE BILLFORD MERCH. I NEED THE KARAOKE NIGHT FIGURE (DESIGN C) LIKE I NEED AIR. DO NOT LET ME DOWN

#gravity falls #the book of bill #stanford pines #ford pines #bill cipher #billford #if you told me 1 year ago we would be getting BILLFORD VALENTINES DAY MERCH I would call you insane #but HERE WE ARE #do your thing yaoi website #this is making me insane i cant believe this is happening #i feel like a feral animal of some sort #I actually suggested karaoke night merch like… last week #doing my part (voting C with 4 different accounts)

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lover-of-mine · 1 year ago

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charmac · 1 year ago

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Bit of a (late) long-ass personal post, but this past year has been insanely monumental for me and a lot of it, if not almost all of it, was centered around this silly comedy show.

Starting the year adopting the most perfect cat in the world purely because he looked like Agent Jack Bauer, I've ended up meeting amazing people and making great friendships, both online and in person, I met Glenn and Charlie and MEE and Meg (and Humphrey) and Danny?? got my first tattoo, bought way too much whiskey, and I've just really, genuinely enjoyed my time posting on Tumblr, making shit, and writing fic more than I have in half a decade. It's stupid, and sappy, and probably pretty parasocial, but I owe so many of my best experiences this past year not only to the show, but to joining this community. Because I wouldn't have experienced much of any of this if I hadn't jumped the casual fan on r/IASIP ship and washed up ashore here. And being here has improved my life and my mental health in ways I can't even begin to properly express.

So here's a photo dump of what I have to dub "A Very Sunny 2023":

To everyone here, thank you for being a part of my 2023. I'm not sure what 2024 has in store, but I'm happy I'll be here, creating and experiencing whatever it is, through and beyond.

#personal #sunny 2023 #sunnyblr #sorry to be really annoying but yk #this is my blog and i like to use it to document things #and this is the best format for this kinda thing :) so excuse me #this has been a crazy year when i look at it all #i had a shortlist of photos for this post and it ended up 72 photos #lmfao like damn.. gotta be selective STILL #the expansion of my sunny wall is like poetic you see #again im sorry i think thisi s probably peak absolute insanity to most ppl who follow me #but so much shit happened i wouldnt have dreamed of #like crazy insane wow i still cant believe this was all real #glenn flipping me off remains my favourite thing to have captured #i love that stupid video it makes me go crazyyyy #but yes obviously top moment goes to charlie calling me out in the audience about the tattoo. then finding out he told mee about it #again thank you. like. i straight up owe all of this to sunnyblr existing #if it didnt i would just. not have been this deep and able to meet people and experience all of this

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skunkes · 8 months ago

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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.

#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day #how they're already memories since moments pass so fast #everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever #and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed #it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily #so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day #ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been #the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief #and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately #id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again #like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night #one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys #i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i #hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day

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dizzystqrs · 2 years ago

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rikma be like 'oh no! my girl bff is in a vulnerable state! i will give her my jacket in a very earnest and totally platonic way. she will not know that i did this but i will know.' and they are so real for that

#i cant believe this happened twice #like it makes me feel so insane guys im literally like a preacher on the side of the road w a huge sign that says THE END IS NIGH #except it says RIKMA IS CANON and i am visibly frothing at the mouth #h2o just add water #emma gilbert #rikki chadwick #rikma #nothing will ever change how insane i am abt them i can tell u that #rikki x emma #btw if u arent caught up w The Jacket Parallels™ em tries to give rikki a jacket in bad moon rising & em has rikkis jacket on in moon spell #yup. insane girl things

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dennisboobs · 5 months ago

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i wrote another rambly dennis analysis and deleted it <3 y'all don't need that

#ada speaks #this happens every time im on my period like fucking clockwork there's something wrong with me #dennis' essence is contained in the ovaries #it was some shit about how he's not actually the cis male power fantasy so many idiot dudebros think he is #and that he's like. ok listen. this will sound insane and probably piss Someone off but.#dennis is like. the worst and most repressed aspects of a female power fantasy #which. the way glenn treats him is.#basically that #yes his character is inextricably linked to misogyny and male privilege but #it's almost like its coming from a perspective that lacks that and he's somewhat of a hypothetical and very opposite exploration #does this make sense #anyway i dont think i can explain this 👍 but i think he's somewhat of a guilty pleasure to write because of this #all sunny characters are sort of meant to be the Worst parts of humanity that you want to Exorcize as glenn puts it #but dennis feels so.#i don't know.#guy who fears loss of power & fights for it not bc he's aiming for the top but bc he is so afraid of being at the bottom ever again #partiarchy and all. you know.#his privilege (primarily in terms of wealth but also his gender) has been just as much of a curse as it has become a weapon #his parents' neglect & their wealth allowing them to throw money at maids lead to him being taken advantage of by an older woman at school #the view of the abuse and it being recontextualized and forced into a positive that shaped the rest of his life because men can't be raped #but i can't explain the. Thing behind this that feels so #pardon the binary #womancoded.#he's like a love interest in a pulpy romance novel written #and i think its partially because he tries to emulate that and its why he is somewhat successful with women #but i don't think it's because he's catering to them i think he's just. oddly a character that comes across like Women Writing Men #i will Not be commenting on what this says about glenn--#cw csa mention #i cant believe i deleted a post and then wrote a rant in the tags about the deleted post this is my curse #the other one was worded better too 👍

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tsukasalover · 6 months ago

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sorry but i hate when people are like “what i think tsukasa would wear” or make outfits for canon him and then its something saki would actually wear. or just something he would Never Ever willingly wear. idk how to say this but he has such a Boring Big Brother Slash Dad Style. Thats like. His thing. Nothing burger. A sandwich without mayo. Its dry.

#put tsukasa in all the cute outfits you want i guess at the end of the day i cant tell anyone what to do but if you genuinely believe he’d #wear them or that thats his fashion taste you might need to look at him a few more times #i talk abt him way too much dear lord #oh but i think him crossdressing for a role is something that should happen #stay on ur little hamster wheel. never stop the grind. ur an actor. anime protag determination #tsukasa tenma #tenma tsukasa #rant #hes so ugly its actually insane #need to accept that im hyperfixated on him but hes also so stupid and his fans make me feel like im deep frying my brain

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themyscirah · 6 months ago

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Okay so basically the United States MINT of all people is going to be working with DC to make a line of coins! These coins sadly won't be in circulation (the things I would do to live in a world where I could get Batman coins from the supermarket) as they're collectors coins, but will be releasing over the course of the next 3 years, 2025-2027.

Designs haven't been released yet (the same is true for all 2025 designs) but we know there will be 9 coins in total (3 each year) with the first year featuring (of course!!!) Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman.

Although we know the first three heroes to be featured, the remaining six have yet to be decided, and it turns out the Mint is putting out a survey on their site to gauge which of a group of culturally significant heroes people want to see most! (link to the form is mentioned in the article above)

The considered group includes: Supergirl, the Flash, Green Arrow, Black Canary, Captain Marvel, John Stewart GL, Aquaman, Hawkman, Jamie Reyes BB, Robin (Damian?), Cyborg, and Batgirl, of which 6 will be selected.

As someone who does a bit of coin collecting myself (mainly circulation coins like the quarters sets, but I also have a couple proof and collectors coins) I think this is a really cool and interesting idea that showcases the history of the comics medium and these characters and their influence on American culture. Really excited to wait and see what the designs look like for the coins already announced!

#ABSOLUTELY INSANE TO ME #sorry just. only thing that could make this crazier is if these were circulating. i would fucking die actually lmao #i mean you could buy something with one of these legally but like youre an idiot if you do that so likeeee #someone showing up with the solid gold superman collector coin and its only legally worth a dollar lmao #not that someone would do this but future generations/archeologists finding a coin in some ruins and it just has like. batman on it #amazing to me #also just the transition from us currency having all fake people (lady liberty some random native american guy etc.) and then going to real #people and presidents then expanding that to honor people that they believe should be honored (think the harriet tubman coin set right now)#and representing beauty and innovation and culture through representation of the states #only through that lens to swing back around and have fake people on the coins again in the form of the freaking dc trinity. insane to me #no one ever gets me when im nerding out over coins its okay. at least its not postage stamps (i actually do have some special postage stamps #its like 1 sheet though it was for the 2017 eclipse and the image changes from totality to the moon with the heat of your finger theyre so #cool okay) anyways i like dont really know that much abt coins lol i originally saw a post abt this on reddit 💀 lol and had to check this #was real which is insane. anyways my dad got my all my coin stuff ive got a proof set from the year i was born albums to hold the 50 states #and national parks (america the beautiful but its 90% natl park designs lets be honest here) quarter collections as i find them irl #(dont have an album for us women yet sadly but do have some of the coins) as well as a few dimes and other circulation albums i havent used #much. and then i have a few collectibles like the hubble telescope $1 coin the 50th anniversary apollo 11 one and the 2021 anniversary peace #dollar. though like not the gold ones or anything like that lol but yeah. i talk abt coins every once and a while with friends and i know #things but then my dad is in the car and its like nevermind lol.#also put a ? after damian's name bc theres a chance it could be dick and they just used the wrong picture. because some of the character #bios had names but his didnt and seemed very dick grayson (acrobatics mention “batman's partner” etc) but not so specfic exclude either one #and the pick was damian. but then the ollie pick was goateeless for some reason so who knows #culturally dick is more important but dami is current so idk #dc comics #blah #ive really been learning so much today. first all in announcement and subsequent leaks and now this. what a ride #also love how im anticipating and know future comics things lol. when did that happen haha. ive really transitioned from only reading back #issues and never knowing current events to following a lot of releases lol and somehow finding out about the freaking coin collection...#crazy how that happens #cant scroll up at that first image without losing it a bit still actually. what a world we live in. anyways take your bets who is gonna be

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vampyrluver · 1 year ago

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I love my brothers so much i want to protect them all wasaaa

#.txt #i love my parents but i think they r harsh nd mean nd not self aware at all #my parents dont believe they were strict growing up #but my moms the same one who took my phone away for a while year bc i was depressed #my parents r the same ppl who didnt lwt me do anytbing growing up #i literally didnt ask them to do anything bc ik they wpuld say no #i was so paranoid in highschool i couldnt even enjoy my free periods without thinking id get in trouble from my dad #my parents are now being rly strict nd harsh to my youngest brother #nd im doing all i can to support him but its also hard bc the fee times i disagree w my parents they get mad #so ive leanred to keep my mouth shut nd talk to my brother privately about my support for him #u kno how messed up it is tht i cant side w my brother in front of my parents #i have a lot of trauma from my parents nd ive done A LOT to better myself so it makes me feel so bad seeing the same things happen to my bro #nd my other brother he is literally the poster child for traumatized kid nd its insane to me how my parents dont see it #he moved out the second he could nd hasnt been living back here since #my parents stress abt like oh why does he hate us blah blah blah its bc u guys r not nice 😭😭😭#like how r u not self aware omg kids turn out a certain way bc of the ppl who raised them come onnnnnnnn

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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago

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...

#ok so like this is fine bc im not in a horrible mood rn. this is more i feel like complaining bc what im doing is kinda ridiculous #but my memory is so bad that ill probably forget if i dont write it out. but basically 4 days a week i have to come in starting at 7.30 to #water and prep for measurements. then from 9am to 6.15pm i have to nonstop take the measurements. and theyre timed so that means #i get abt 4 min to do anything before i have to take another measurement. which is abt enough time to start to focus and then have to stop #which is very fucking frustrating. and i have to manage data. coordinate for this fucking paper. and keep track of like 10 other things for #work stuff. which means that it takes me like and hour to send easy emails and they come out all fucked uo bc my brain is so shot #but on top of that i also have to fucking do the steps to get set up for my new school in the fall. and like ive officially accepted the #offer but havent talked to my new advisor since then so now theres this weird gap where im like. uh fuck do i ask for wtf im supposed to #do? bc ive been able to do things for like 2 or 3 weeks but then my life started collapsing in around me. and like there r probably #instructions somewhere but i cant fucking read lol. whatever. hes nice i just need to find the energy and words to email him and b like lol #srry everythings been insane. but bc ive waited so long i have to compulsively keep going back to check that ive been accepted like somehow #that would change while im not looking. ugh. and ive also fucked myself over housing wise bc theres a housing shortage in the city and huge #demand of housing on camus so theres a wait list for everything but i cant fucking apply bc i cant get my id to work. and fucking idk who #to call or email abt that. but idk i might have to have roomates for a semester. or my parents offered to give me some extra money for an #apartment until i can get one that doesnt put me in the red on a grad student budget. ugh. i dont wanna do either of those things #but christ do i not want roommates. ill figure something out. its just annoying and difficult from so far away #and it makes me kinda sad bc ppl r like: r u excited?! and im like. i cant really think abt that. partly bc im constanly putting out fires #in the present so theres not really space for it. partly bc i dont allow myself to b excited abt things so as not to get my hopes up.#but just after i accepted i was excited. and now it feels like im reaching my hand out toward a floating light just out of reach. like #its a nice idea but i wont believe until it happens. but that just bc ive become distorted about things #and i dont even get a weekend bc the 4 days of measurement r friday to Monday and i cant fucking relax on weekdays bc ppl r like hey can u #do this??? and there r things i can only do on weekdays so its like ok i guess ill just suffer forever thrn. and my boss texts me like: hey #did u do X? and am like: uuuuuh i fucking dont kno what day it is anymore. i dont understand y we have to meet. lets just not talk bc im #afraid ill say something worrying. so yea its pretty fucked up rn. but this stuff ends on the 24th #then ill probably not take a break and fucking finish the measurements for another project bc i just really need it to b done. i need it #all to b done so i can fucking wash my hands of this and fucking quit and move away at the start of july... or August if i decide i hate #myself that much. ugh. at least the lab has been pretty empty so no ones seen me crying lol #also thr fucking rutgers guy emailed me yesterday like: hey u want this position? and im like bitch u r like a month too late also im in #my cringe fail era. i would not survive at ur school. ugh everything is terrible. 2 or 3 more months then i csn leave this place forever #unrelated

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floralovebot · 1 month ago

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i am once again thinking about the missed opportunities of a garth and jackson mentor/mentee brother in arms relationship

#OUGH #dc stop trying to write garth out of the aquafam challenge intentionally whiffed #they hate him sooo much it makes them look stupid #alhgd #its genuinely insane to me how dc writers are incapable of showing garth caring about the aquafam and the titans at the same time #insane #but anyway #OUGHHHHHH #what couldve been...#its just INSANE how garth immediately gave this random teen he just met like five minutes ago his entire ass name #and then never talked to him ever again like i simply do not believe you #and while i still dont Like rebirth garth i feel like being put into more a mentor role Especially while he's Actively with the titans !!!!#would be really good for him!#and like dont get me wrong im perfectly fine with jackson being the next aquaman i actually prefer that #However its like dc doesnt realize that he can be close to and respect both of them #theyre giving him this Super Cute brother sister relationship with andy and its !! amazing !!#but i also cant help but Scream a little cause ohmygod why are we pretending garth never existed #why are we pretending that garth would ignore this teen boy with family issues who needs a safe place to learn and live !#why are we pretending that jackson wouldnt talk to him or ask him for advice or At Least bitch to him when arthurs being arthur !!#insane to me absolutely mental up the whazoo #all of their interactions are so awkward and feel so coworker and eeewwwwggg i hate it #im not saying that every New person needs to be immediately treated like family #but also come the fuck on its GARTH he's not icing out the new kid !!!!!!!!#swear to god garth has had more full blown conversations with tusky than he has with jackson #while jackson is def still underappreciated at dc theyve still managed to give him some really amazing well thought out #relationships with the rest of the aquafam #and its so weird to me that they seem so insistent on garth not being part of that #when he's consistently one of the most loyal members of the fam anyway #i just Know the two of them could be really close if dc would let it happen... they will not give it to me though..... the scoundrels......

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tkbrokkoli · 2 months ago

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jfc 😳

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puppmeo · 5 months ago

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Have you ever been assumed to be romantically attracted to someone and even just the thought of that makes you want to throw up . Anybody

#had someone's husband in my dms going on about how i want this bitch romantically and frankly if i hadn't been so busy crying i would've #actually thrown up . absolutely disgusting idea . vile even . horrid concept #anyway tldr im down a best friend because he didn't tell me anything i was doing was wrong after telling me that everything was okay and #then sent his husband after me to call me a creep that was obsessed with him that also apparently tried to make out w him #the same trip that my best friend of five years told me he hated having me in his hometown to see him graduate.#this was after i found out my cat had been murdered and mutilated and thrown in my granma's garden . that day happened to be my birthday #because my ma was kind enough to drive me and my lil brother down there to go see him graduate bc he was also supposed to move in w us the #month after . and he told me right after i got home that he 'didn't think it would be good for our relationship' and apparently #just didn't know how to tell me until a month before it was supposed to happen . bonkers times over here #anyway i didn't want to make out with him . he cried after i wouldn't have sex w him just last december . which i specifically got high as #shit to avoid . and i dont even have like. actual examples of what i was doing wrong to go off of so now i just get to live in mystery #forever ig. like shocker that the person that's been my best friend for five years would tell his husband to say that to me and not say that #shit to me himself . this is a wild to me . i feel like im going insane . can anybody even hear me what's going on #you know its bad when your mama gets so sick of you crying over a friend that she hugs you for the first time in years #also i cant sleep my head hurts . crying is evil . devils liquid . might watch rpdr or something . still nauseous over the idea of being #into him romantically btw . like still nauseous over that . like what a fucking insult to our entire friendship #does saying that we may as well have been made of the same atoms mean like . nothing . does nothing ive said to or about him not mean anythi #ng if its not romantic in nature . what did i do that wasnt enough for him. i fucking told him he outgrew me and that was fine i just #wanted to know if we were still friends or not and he said we were and i believed him. if he told me the sky was green i would make it so #ripping my hair out . am i being dramatic . am i the only person that wasn't expecting this . am i the only one that didn't know #when i had to tell people who knew about the moving plans that he changed his mind the first fucking thing i was told was “i thought it migh #t happen.“ WELL I FUCKINH DIDN'T . AND NOBODY TOLD ME #this is like . the second most humiliating moment of my life . aside from movinggate because at least nobody irl has to know about this #anyway . this boy could've taken my blood and i'd sit there and smile while he did it because he was my best friend .#i was so glad we got to grow up together. i miss him already. im taking my little brother to school my myself for the first time and all im #gonna wanna do is tell him about it . im tired . i want to sleep . im still so nauseous . did none of it mean anything just because ive #never and will never like him romantically. does that make everything less worthy somehow #i hope he never talks to me again. i dont think i could handle this again. he let is fucking husband say that shit to me. not him.#puppmeo misery

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itsalwaysdark · 6 months ago

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the difficulty of trying 2 explain to ppl that im Not being self deprecating or belittling my mental illnesses when i say something that could be perceived as overly critical towards myself but that thise things actually r true abt me. ppl did die.

#i wrote a whole post trying to explain and then i realized it judt wasnt particularly worth it so i out it in the drafts. so i wrote for #like 20 minutes and all i got is soooo insanely dissociated . can we kill connor im sick of this fucking guy #idk. i wish often incould just project my brain on a wall or sometjing abd ppl would get it and i wouldnt have to explain it #bc everytjing i say even when it sounds crazy or it sounds oike im habing a breakdown its like. its how it actually is its the truth but #nobody ever fucking understands bc i cant. word it in a way that makes it make sense to people #like my most prominent 'delusion' i cant fucking explain it to people bc theyre like Woah thats rly rly rly concerning and sounds like its #rly harmful for yourself to believe that but it literally isnt I have to believe it bc its one of the only things that actually is keeping #me alive but if i ever fucking talk abt it nobody understands it #sometimes it is very scary and it makes me miserable that its true but i know that it is true. ive woken up in terror crying abt it Multiple #times but ik that its true and its a good thing its true bc it means i am alive roght now. as alive as i always am at least #but wtvr. the post wasnt even originally abt that #it was abt dropout stuff and like. yk. bc when i say I dropped out bc i was lazy and whiny ppl think im being mean 2 myself and erasing like #the depression and the ptsd and the Identity shit and the dissociation and the panic attacks and the seizures and grief and stuff #but its like. yes all that also was going on but i also was just lazy. if i wasnt lazy i couldve judt fucking graduated and i wouldnt be #trapped now #<- That is only true for me . ik thats like a stupid thing to say but this is why i cant rlt Be honest abt how i feel abt myself dropping #out is bc i get horrific fucking guilt bc i Was judt lazy and fucking stupid and i Am a bad person for not graduating hs #but that is not true for other dropouts for other dropouts deopping out doesnt mean youre dumb or lazy and it doesnt make you a bad person #but its different for me ik everybody thinks theyre the exception but i am i Am just lazy i am just stupid and its my fault. specifically.#idk i need to go lke slam my head into a wall.#idk what happened i wasnt fucking doing bad and then i made like. a loghthearted post abt sometjing and derailed in the tags and now its #oh i remembered. i tried to sign up for a ged class and encountered 1 obstacle and fucking gave up . God. i loterally havent changed at all #we neeedddd to get rid of connor or at least get a bew one in so fucking sick of being rhe one im so sick of being Connor i dont want it #anymore . head on pike #idk. im fine. im just habing a momey. im.probably judt pissy bc i didnt sleep. maybe ill take an edible

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phagodyke · 6 months ago

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trying to watch all of us strangers and it's just making me cry really hard this is why I don't do romance movies WAH

#not even at actual sad bits i just lose my mind watching ppl w chemistry act romantically on screen #when its well done and it feels intimate..... taking poison damage ouuuuurggh. -1hp -1hp -1hp ow... -1hp #god i fucking miss kissing ppl i miss physical intimacy its hard to breathe watching this. in a good way but also oww. ouch!!!!#i am so normal and well adjusted i promise. come here #i wish i didnt react the way i do sometimes to physical contact theres no reason i dont understand why it happens #like i wish it was easy for me and came naturally bc i always want it so so badly. but the fucking flinch where does that come from #and it makes everyone treat me like glass and avoid me bc they think i dont like it or just tolerate it i promise im not lying come back #its so so so frustrating and i find it so hard to watch other ppl being affectionate its like looking directly at thr sun #and i know im so obvious around other ppl when i get upset bc theyll touch and avoid me and then i get upset if they do touch me bc they #only do it when they feel bad for leaving me out ppl only ever hug me when they feel sorry for me do u know how shit that makes me feel #i just want ppl to want me around and in their space bc thats what i want but is it too much.to ask 🥹🥹🥹🥹#its easier when i warm up to ppl but it just takes so long and its so rare for anyone to believe me by that point the boundaries are set #im like a little feral kitten i need to be physically socialised before i get adopted #this isnt even making sense anymore im so tired my mind is all over the placr. sloshing on the floor. anyway ummmm #i cant keep being like this forever man #not even talking abt sex but thats a whole other thing. wouldnt it be nice to fuck without fitting the stone top role. i wouldnt know #all respect to ppl who are stone and all the ace ppl i know but im NOT i do want it i very much do experience the attraction!!!!#but for some reason my body wont let other ppl touch me it drives me fucking insane. i dont even have trauma like whatever man #didnt even use to be this bad i was such an affectionate kid n teen i wish i could go back man. man!!!#what a fucking decade of mental illness and repression does to a mf. forget all the other ways its affected me this is the worst by far #just the isolated n alienation innit. well it is what it is. maybe someday ill get it back #anyway sigh..... back to the movie.. i do like it so far its very pretty just different to my usual sort of film innit #considering i watched cure last weekend ajskdnf. the tonal difference #cure was a weird one but thr more i think abt it the more it sticks with me.... so good i need to watch more kurosawa #ANYWAY #.diaries #sorry for getting so personal on a saturday night.. im home alone for 24 hours and this is what happens

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