#this is just the beginning I have so many drawings of them
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captainsamuelmorrigan · 3 days ago
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Poolverine NSFW [mentions & talking about sex acts]
Logan isn't exactly 'secretive' about his sex life. He just thinks everyone is a little too blasé about revealing details about their private life. Call him old-fashioned, but he is perfectly happy to keep his experiences between him and his lovers.
Of course, Wade has to poke the bear, or rather, the Wolverine. He's desperate to know what over 200 years of trudging through the world as a hunka-hunka burning love produces in the bumping uglies department. What kind of kinky shenanigans could a mutant Edward Scissorhands get up to? And that healing factor? That meant all-nighters to him.
"Peanut, have you ever heard of 'pegging?'" Wade leans over the couch, encroaching Logan's personal space in a way that would be concerning if Althea hadn't made a rule about drawing blood in the tiny apartment.
Logan nods, not looking up from his book. "Yeah."
Wade fist pumps. "Someone in some universe owes someone five bucks for that one. Hell yeah, feminist king. Have you ever tried it?"
"Why do you care?" He licks his finger before turning to the next page.
"I'm curious like a cat, Wolvie-bear. Except satisfaction has nothing to do with me coming back. Who was the lucky girl?"
"I'm going to stop talking now. I suggest you do too." Logan remarks with a flash of his middle claw.
Several days pass before Wade brings up something like that again. Waltzing into Logan's room, an interdimensional add-on that was part of the perks from the TVA.
"So, Babygirl, do you pitch or catch?" Wade mimes the baseball gestures. "Are you more of a gun or a holster? Gifted or receiver? One or a zer-"
"Depends on the person."
"Ooooh~, look at you using gender-neutral language. What makes you decide?"
Logan closes his laptop with a sigh. "Bub, listen, I really don't talk about this stuff with people I'm not sleeping with. It's nothing personal, I just really prefer not to get a reputation."
"So if I blow you, I can ask about the past of the X Mansion pass around party bottom? Deal." Wade starts in on Logan dramatically.
"I'm not that easy, Bub. We may have had some moments in the car, but I'm not a cheap date. You haven't even told me about your past."
"I've joked about Scout Master Kevin many times!" Wade flops onto the bed, jostling Logan a bit.
"That shit doesn't count, and you know it. You haven't mentioned anything to me that wasn't horribly traumatic. I'm starting to think you don't even like sex." He teases lightly.
Wade shouts. "How dare you! Vanessa and I had a great sex life." He drives his pointer finger into Logan's chest.
Logan bats it away, rolling his eyes. "I never hear about it."
"Well, that's..."
He looks at Wade, meeting his eyes. "Bub, I'm perfectly happy to talk about this kind of thing, but I need you to start taking it seriously. I'm not entirely sure you have taken anything seriously, but I'd like to know what you're into in a way that isn't you joking about mortal wounds giving you a stiffy."
"That one is only half a joke." Wade mumbles, smiling nervously at him.
"After the Honda, I know, Bub."
They begin to have more serious conversations over the next few weeks. Wade opens up about some of the things he's done, with Vanessa, past girls, and even a few guys. It takes a while of Wade being vulnerable, for real this time, but eventually, he starts to get some information out of the Wolverine.
Wade sidles up to Logan on the couch. "Okay, so, who introduced you to pegging? I have to know? I told you about Vanessa wanting to try it out." He waits with baited breath, hoping he's done enough to earn Logan's trust on this.
Logan raises an eyebrow. "Clarification, are we talking strictly about a cis woman using a prosthetic, or are we including trans women using their own?"
"Great question, let's say the store-bought kind."
"I think I heard about it from a couple of bra-burning girls in the 70s? Tried it out with one of them, probably around 78'. It was pretty okay. I think it got a lot better around the early aughts."
"And Jean?"
"Oh, you wanted specifics? Not there yet, Bub." He pats Wade's leg before getting up to go to the kitchen. His hips swinging just a bit more to add a sassy emphasis.
"Logie-bear! Wolvie! Peanut! C'moooonn!! I've been a good boy!" He begs.
Wade begins to plan date nights. Logan said he wasn't a cheap date, so Wade's going to make sure he feels respected. Wade even breaks out the second-cheapest wine from the nearest liquor store. The good stuff. He makes a full meal twice a week. He even brings home some yellow roses for Logan.
One night, over dressed-up ramen, Logan looks at Wade with something hungry in his eyes.
"Jean used to peg me while Scott watched. It was a whole thing."
"You're fucking kidding."
"Nah, I'd take it, then he'd take it from both of us. Plus, with Jean's powers..." He whistles. "We'd all feel what the others were feeling. It was some of the best sex I've ever had."
Wade barks out a laugh, shaking his head. "Are the rumors true? Were you really doing everyone on the team?"
Logan smirks. "Well, there were teenagers on the team, so obviously not everyone, but it was a pretty good possibility if they liked men."
Wade squeals like a teenage girl, lightly kicking his feet before leaning in closer. "And what about Ororo? That must've been crazy."
Logan shrugged. "She didn't like having her private life gossiped about, so we're gonna skip that one, Bub."
Wade nods. "Kurt? Hank? Anyone else?"
Logan thinks for a moment. "Kurt was a bit young for me. Hank was a little stuck up, but if we both had a few drinks in us, he was likely to want some action. They all..." He pauses, that deep frown that furrowed his fuzzy brow taking over his expression, something internally catching his attention. "Well, y'know."
Wade's shoulders sag as the weight of the loss that this Logan had suffered pulled at him. "Oh man, Logan, I'm so sorry."
Logan shakes his head, getting up to go to the kitchen and grabbing a beer, ending that conversation. He stays quiet, with that far away look in his eye. He goes to bed early. Wade worries late into the night. If he still had hair, he swears most of it would've been pulled out by morning.
The next day, Wade makes breakfast. Plenty of greasy sausage, just like they both liked it. Eggs were placed in such a way that the sausage smiled up at a groggy Wolverine. "Morning Sunshine, the Earth says, 'Hello!'"
Logan hums in acknowledgment.
"I was thinking about our conversation from last night." Wade worries the hem on his 'Suck the Chef' apron between his fingers. "I... I'm sorry if I brought up anything too painful. Really, I am. We don't have to talk about your sex life anymore if you don't want to."
"That wasn't your fault." Logan puts his silverware down, wiping his mouth before looking up at Wade. "I wanted to tell you."
"You said you didn't usually talk about your sex life to people you weren't bumpin-"
"If you call it 'bumping uglies' one more time, I'm going to break Althea's 'no blood' rule, I swear to God." He flashes his slowly protruding claws at Wade.
"Noted. My point is, we're not doing anything physical, though. You said you only talked about that with people you were physical with."
Logan shrugs. "I was planning on being physical with you. I just got cold feet when I realized that would've been the first time with someone I cared about since the X-Men."
Wade slides into the chair next to Logan. "Peanut... yeah, that totally makes sense. Besides some really poor choices, you would've been my first since Vanessa."
Logan sighs. "A breakup ain't the same as dyin, Bub."
"No, not at all. I'm just saying that that was still a raw spot for me. You waited until I was ready to talk about it, and you were patient. Even though you've got the most rockin' bod I've ever seen, I'm not trying to jump your bones if you're not into it too, Wolvie. We could just be roommates forever, and that's fine." He puts his hand on Logan's shoulder.
Logan huffs out a laugh. "I'm certainly not saying never. I've got needs, Mouth."
Wade pulls his apron off his lap a bit to hide his rapidly growing erection. He squeaks out a "That's fine too," before fist pumping once again. "Also, calling me 'Mouth?' You're gonna have to do that again once sexy things have started."
Logan laughs. "It's a date."
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kotton-kandy953 · 18 hours ago
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❏ 𝐓𝐄𝐘𝐕𝐀𝐓 𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐇 𝐒𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐋 𝐒𝐈𝐌𝐔𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑 !
˗ˏˋ꒰ 🔪 love interest ꒱ . . . yandere ! m. kinich ! high school ! au x fem ! reader
˗ˏˋ꒰ 🔪 format ꒱ . . . headcannons
˗ˏˋ꒰ 🔪 warnings ꒱ . . . stalking, yandere themes
˗ˏˋ꒰ 🔪 authors note ꒱ . . . I don’t think I’m that good at writing kinich, so I hope he’s not too ooc :( || teyvat high school simulator homepage!
˗ˏˋ꒰ 🔪 word count ꒱ . . . 0.5k
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Something about Kinich’s uniform HAS to break the rules in some way, shape, or form. He’d wear headphones until being told to take them off… then proceeding to keep them around his neck. He’d also over-accessorize with black and silver jewelry and piercings.
But if that wasn’t enough already, he will always be seen with some sort of handheld video game console for some reason. He’s really good at pretty much any and every video game he has, it’s very impressive actually.
His appearance is usually very well put together — if you don’t include the dark, tired, circles under his green eyes. It gives people the impression that he stays up all night playing video games (which isn’t entirely wrong).
But you have to admit, those dark, lidded, eyes with his almost perfect black eyeliner makes him look all the more attractive.
He’s a very athletic student, having played on different sports teams in the past. He’s probably one of the first kids picked when choosing teams in P.E.
I’m pretty sure Kinich is based off of Ancient Mayan culture, but (don’t shoot me) I really like the idea of him being bilingual in English and Spanish. Like, he can take a Spanish elective or something?
His favorite subjects are math and science.
The type of kid to sit in the back corner of the class to play games on his phone.
Kinich has a very blunt and cold personality towards about everyone. Especially people he dislikes or finds annoying. But when it comes to you people he likes, he’s a bit less rude.
Kinich is in the School’s art club (along with Xiao), and his most favorite thing to do in there is painting. Although, he hates all of the effort it takes in scrubbing the dried paint off his skin. It’s a really tiring process.
I like to believe that he’d like using more colors when drawing or even writing notes. Like, using different colored highlighters on his notes.
He’s also started a video game club at the beginning of the year, making himself the President. You would think that because his introverted personality he wouldn’t want to be the president of literal club, but he honestly doesn’t mind it at all.
Many students know Kinich for his very obvious love for video games. Which is pretty hard to go unnoticed due to his
backpack literally being decked out with pins and keychains of pixelated characters from a variety of different game franchises.
As a yandere, Kinich would be more possessive and obsessive. His most favorite thing in the world is to be by your side. You’re just too perfect to be left alone in his eyes.
His desire to always have his eyes on you would grow into bit of an… obsession, so to speak. Maybe following you home every evening to make sure you’re safe isn’t so wrong right?
Kinich may be a bit overprotective as well…
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saessenach · 24 hours ago
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Thinking many thoughts about Miss Andarateia Cantori tonight because what do you mean we get to be in her house for the entire game, in which she and her boyfriend/partner-in-crime run a gambling den, assassin guild ANd find the time to argue with the public administration while opposing a military occupation?? who does it like her??
Joke aside, I think she's an incredibly fun character, and I'm really happy that hers was the lens through which we saw the Crows this game. Whenever I see random posts and critiques commenting that the Crows were too "sanitised" or "found-family", I want to yell a bit, because DATV never claims that to be the case!! Obviously everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but what we see is anchored in a very specific context: not just Treviso under Antaam occupation, but also the Cantori Diamond, which falls under Teia's jurisdiction.
She's an elven orphan turned Guildmaster and Talon, who desperately wanted to find family in the Crows! While the other Talons resisted her attempts at every step (some more succesfully than others ksks), that implies 1) her approach towards her own House was probably not dissimilar and 2) it got her the Talon position in her 20s. Ergo, her modus operandi was probably fairly successful.
For all that she threatens to evict anyone who treats her like a landlord (lol), the Diamond is very much a reflection of her as a character. It's all completely in line with both her general characterisation in 8 Little Talons and with the point she reaches at the end of that story when confronting Emil. I don't think it's a coincidence that out of our two POVs in 8LT, she's the one discussing Crow ideology with their would-be-murderer:
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Following this particular set-up, of course orphans like Jacobus are treated kindly; of course fledglings have time to gossip in quiet corners while training; of course she helps the Dellamortes however she can?? She decided these people are family to her, and she wants to do better by them than what she got. This is wildly compelling to me personally, because she's such a delightful mix of idealism and disillusionment, honesty and manipulation, compassion and retribution - and she's so fucking obstinate about it!!!
There's also the little connection with the Crows' beginnings, specifically in Treviso. Iirc, it's mentioned in 8LT that her base is Rialto (she's also got gardens there), so a part of me wonders whether the Diamond was an inherited property from a previous Cantori Talon, or whether she got it up and running between then and the events of the game. I think that between that little tibdbit and with Lucanis being named First Talon at the end of the game, it's pretty obvious that the theme of rebirth is very much the point in the Crows' plotline - a messy, hopeful and spiteful rebirth.
All of this is to say, what we get doesn't at all negate the other aspects we've seen from the Crows in previous games, but rather puts them into perspective. The game just goes on to ask - isn't there another way to do this? what else is there room for us to be? is there any chance we might find some kindness in this world? and one of the ways these answers are explored is through Teia's character (we start this series with Zevran's story within the Antivan Crows - an elven orphan bought from a brothel, who doesn't have the power to change this guild, and end with Lucanis, Viago and Teia, who is, specifically, an elven orphan picked up (?) from the streets, who remains one of the powerhouses of the organisation. I love a bit of narrative symmetry ✨)
And honestly, I find this entire thing delightful - it's cheeky and dramatic and a lot of fun, and it makes sense for these characters, if you only sit with it for a second and give it a bit of thought!
(PS the way she draws Viago into her orbit and the way their partnership works is another rant entirely, and they drive me absolutely insane nghhh)
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zorilleerrant · 3 days ago
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So the differences between these two cover a lot. They are both con men. They are both autistically obsessed with their special coats. They do pay careful attention to fashion trends and tailor their appearances to the space they're trying to infiltrate, something that seemed fun and easy to them to begin with. (Altho I do get the impression Captain Jack signed up initially out of some sense of duty or protecting his fellow sapients.) They're both family men who are terrified of endangering their families. The type of guy is likely to draw the same crowd in a lot of cases. The details vary a lot.
First, erotic relationships - while Constantine sleeps around whenever he's single (or, rather, used to when he was younger), he's a serial monogamist at heart. He falls fast and deep for whoever's caught his eye this minute, even when he's trying to keep it casual. He always expects it to be long term, and his overly intense expectations inevitably cause him to fuck something up. While he's open to sexual experimentation with his current partner (orgies, etc.), he can't really handle polyamory. Captain Jack, on the other hand, is capable of understanding monogamous relationships (it probably exists as a queer identity where he's from), but he struggles to engage in one. He meets people where they are, though, and so sometimes engages in relationships that are dispreferential to him, figuring he can fill that in elsewhere.
Second, killing - Captain Jack considers himself a soldier, even when he's doing civilian things, even when he's on the run, even when he's working for a very different cause than a war. War shaped him, and war stole away his limits. He has no hesitation about killing people if it's necessary. Even when he knows them, loves them, doesn't want to hurt them: when he knows it's necessary, he simply acts. He doesn't enjoy hurting or killing people, but he does consider it a tool always available to him. Constantine is capable of killing people, but just barely. Even when he knows it's absolutely necessary, he will hunt for every other possible option, often until the time is up. He's incapable of killing a child even when he knows that child will grow up to destroy the universe. Until his life or the life of a loved one is directly threatened, he has trouble acting. Counterintuitively, this means that Captain Jack feels directly responsible for any death that he orders or obliquely causes, while Constantine in much more picky about what blood he carries on his hands.
Third, trauma - Captain Jack exists to embody heavily dramatized impossible traumas that, while they have analogy to real people's problems, exaggerate and contort them until they're safe to deal with in a fantasy context. Constantine does the opposite. Constantine's traumas are almost exclusively meant to be very real, very concrete things that happen directly to real people, and where his reactions to them are realistic, even when they involve magic (in either causing or healing the trauma). Captain Jack's bad memories are symbolic, metaphorical, allegorical. Constantine's bad memories are relatable and believable. (Both of them are direct explorations of common queer experiences, though.)
Fourth, powers - Constantine is almost entirely self-taught. While he did obtain mentors and friends to help him expand his repertoire later in his career, this was after he learned everything that was dangerous with no guidance, oversight, or support. He's often said to be a relatively weak magic user, and most of his impressive skill comes from the fact that he had to learn loopholes and exploits to do everything he ever did, from the ground up, instead of following any established pattern of magic users. That and making terrible bargains with all manner of more powerful creatures, most of whom only ever had his worst interests at heart. Captain Jack, on the other hand, was taught rigorously by many different organizations. He was considered exceptionally skilled, a prodigy even, and always enjoyed easy support from his colleagues. Everything else is from one specific accident born from love.
Fifth, self-image - Captain Jack has lots of regrets and lots of wishes, but in general, he thinks of himself as someone who's trying to do good things. He doesn't think he's the worst person just because he's not the best person, and he always strives to improve, because he believes in himself. He's suicidal mostly because he thinks it's unnatural the way he exists, and because of grief. Constantine hates everything about himself at all times. He's trying, he's desperately trying, but he doesn't think he's capable of turning himself into someone who deserves to be alive. He has all kinds of internalized bigotry that he'd be horrified if anyone else said, but believes is true about himself. He firmly believes he is the worst person who ever existed and yet he's afraid to die.
Themes Constantine focuses on that Captain Jack doesn't:
addiction
religion
sexual abuse and recovery
poverty/systemic classism
solidarity and mutual aid
footie
Themes Captain Jack focuses on that Constantine doesn't:
exile/cultural history erasure
chosen family
the ethics of coverups
the universalism of violence/the universalism of kindness
ties through time and place
workplace sex
Themes that both focus on:
grief and loss
alienation from wider culture
power and responsibility
star-crossed love
how good and evil on a grand scale interacts with the personal
monsterfucking
You seem like you would know the answer to this question, are Jack Harkness and John Constantine the Same Guy? I know they're from different things and only have the vaguest dashboard osmosis idea about either of them but the instinct is so strong. What is causing this? Help
you've osmosed them into a single slutty bisexual disaster man that doesn't mind his own business and refuses to die
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exocynraku · 20 hours ago
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sorry if this is a bit strange to say but your style is so charming :] are there any specific inspirations you have? ALSO can i ask where you learned anatomy from? drawing cats has always been a pain for me and i’m wondering if you have any tips… and i hope you have a lovely day!!! love your works so much :]
thank you veery much.. warrior cats related? ursiday, lupiine, thunderc1an/rebe adventures, movdotmov, assignedk9, bunnyfarm and many popular warrior cats artists on youtube come to mind. otherwise, a lot of what I take inspiration from is manga. i didn't really learn it from anywhere persay, just practice. if you look at some of my first ever wc designs, i could definitely do better now LOL. i'd love to give you more specific tips but literally how i learn is just draw cats. i drew almost all day every day in early covid days when i wasn't in school, and did like, 10 designs a day. ( i wouldn't recommend doing this though, cause now i have Wrist Pain <3 ). so my best advice to you is just draw cats. i never had a problem with seeing my art as 'bad' because in the beginning i was horrendously egotistical and though whatever my current artstyle at the time was was absolutely peak, but i know a lot of people do, so you really need to push yourself forward. even if you see problems in your art now, you have to keep drawing to rectify them. you could study a hundred art books and go to dozens of dozens of classes and look at tons of tutorials but if you don't actually DRAW anything, you aren't going to learn. if you're experiencing artblock, draw something you like which is easy for you (i usually draw my fursona). etc. the minimal amount of tips i CAN give you is to trace. not in like a post-it-online-claiming-its-yours sort of way, but find an artist you like and trace their pieces. specifically, trace the things you like from them, like the paws or face. i do this not often i would say but enough it's able to help me, plus it usually gets me out of ruts where i don't like certain parts of my art. also, real pictures. i'd say this helps more for things like understanding cat anatomy vs how to stylize it. for resources, i'll give you this and this. i can also say, if you're not liking your art, it might be the brush you're using. change it up, i have TONS downloaded and will spend literally hours finding and editing one to what i like. also, get rid of any idea of an "artstyle". you may develop something concrete eventually, but don't stick yourself to a box in the beginning. also, KEEP EVERYTHING. going back and looking at my old designs and art is extremely entertaining, and it can show you how much you're improved over time. tldr: just draw. it's how i learned. a couple other things, but 90% of it is literally just keep drawing.
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nechto-xlebnoe · 23 hours ago
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| Excerpt from «Regeneration» by @crithir |
I do not know why I was so hooked by this passage, but despite the fact that the cause of Iria's blurred vision is fatigue, ripples from blurred light, I can not get the image of Iria in glasses out of my head... Because of that, I just HAD to draw Iria with glasses.
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A little bit of my bubbling under the cut (+ a few thoughts on small recent spoilers referring to the post-24th chapter, so be careful and, if you haven't read the work yourself, open it at your own risk (?) ):
In my view of "Iria with glasses," Azula notices a slight deterioration in Iria's eyesight and begins saving the "pocket money" she receives from selling various small items and herbs with Iria, after which Azula VERY urgently asks Iria to go to the nearest place where you can buy glasses. Obey an order? (Unfortunately, I don't know much about the development of optics, especially at atla, so I'll leave that as a guess.) By this point, starting from chapter 24, quite a lot of time had already passed and "Iriya with glasses" situation happening during timeskip.
To be honest, I'm guessing EVERYTHING can happen during time skipping, including the time separations between Iria and Azula??? Like... There are so many ways this can go, and although I'm more inclined to think about the option where they both continue to live in their house, I'm quite considering options where they will have to run away, taking Zyn and Mizek with them, or where Azula will be forced to make small trips with a mandatory return home, etc. (Sometimes I probably have a little too crazy and illogical assumptions ^^")
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mh2o29 · 10 months ago
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aight pack it up guys
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tubbytarchia · 11 months ago
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gg buddy am I right (ethubs doodle that I don't know what to do with)
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skitskatdacat63 · 1 year ago
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Favorite Martian pics atm
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spitinsideme · 10 months ago
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Any thoughts on the new trailer?
going to beso honest like righr now, lime COMELTY honest righr now, i actually do not care for tadc lime .. at all .. it is not a show id usually watch and when it does come out i will probably not watch ir unless im feing like watching ragapom moments i guess ? it juat isnr sowmthing i actually care aboit .. so sorry to you all i am actually not a tadc fan 💔 heartbreaking im sure, i juat am a daily distrubutor for ragapom art
ive heard about it rhoifh from posts ? the like princesss of sweets or soemthig, she seems pretty i guess ?? sowmrhing aboit pomni beong jelaous for ragatba and the sweets princess, old woman yuri idonrknkw my sources are from gay artists but looks good o guess 👍 im sure it will be fun !
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notsodailycake · 3 months ago
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Man, it's so disheartening to keep seeing the twins from whatever media you enjoy be shipped. Especially being a twin myself, it's just so discouraging and makes me feel uncomfortable sharing anything related to me and my twin
It just got me sitting like
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ni-kol-koru · 1 year ago
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tecchous-thicc-buttocks · 1 year ago
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blorbos in tha phone
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currently stuck at one character made several body structure poses different hairstyle different outfit, all combined can probably make several characters already. but none fit what want this character!!!!!!!!!
create character mostly based on vibe basically process of wait n feel n dig inside inside until sudden idea that Feel Just Right pop up
so far this character has had none 👍
am not in “[this character’s aesthetic] mode” yet n idk when will be
hehshdbdbdbsh grrrr
can just draw pretty character don’t need know whole story don’t need have entire story ready don’t need match story can just draw pretty character… *chants in hope get brain recognize*
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vampthropologist · 1 year ago
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New selfship! I call them HarV (Harvey/Harv/V) - ref img
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago
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...
#let me express to u perhaps The frustration of my life#i like to learn. it is perhaps my favorite thing. new information. more more more constantly#but. my fucking brain is the fucking worst. because im not fucking stupid if i can focus and process the words being said i can understand#many things. i like to learn about math and physics and chemistry and biology and anatomy... ect concepts#but the focus and the processing of words is where we have problems. because i cannot focus for more than like 5min#i blink and suddenly ive been spaced out for a sec and need to reorient. i cant prioritize what to do 1st and im constantly bouncing betwee#tasks so nothing ever gets done and im too intimidated to start learning things. and when im trying to learn we habe the processing words#problem. like my reading comprehension is so fucking bad. like i will read a book on paper and maybe retain 25% of the info if im not#hardcore trying. for a class where i had to do a ton of paper reading. i had to read everything out loud to myself. highlight important#info. write myself a summary based on the highlights and then read the paper again before i could even begin to feel comfortable in#discussions. it was so fucking frustrating and miserable. ppl will give me physical books and im like thanks i cant fucking read sorry#too fucking dyslexic. read and listen they say. u have to read and listen at the same time bc i cant pay attention and i cant read#so if i do both then maybe the info gets in. thats y i have to read aloud but i hate it and still get distracted#i mean. i probably just have an attention problem. its also really annoying that my short term working memory is so awful#bc in order to make things make sense i have to draw or write them out. i cant judt go off the top of my head or i get stuck saying thr sam#thing over and over and over. its like my ability to think is extremely shallow. but thrn i read papers and recognize concepts from classes#i took years ago and im like. fucking y cant i know what i know? my head feels so empty but info is in there somewhere#its just so fucking frustrating that i love understanding systems so much. complex annoying little systems that fit together like a puzzle#and my fucking brain refuses to accept the information im trying to get in there. so i return to a remark left on my dyslexia assignment:#intelligent when not constrained by language or time. thanks. unfortunately language is how ppl communicate#also i freak out under time pressure lol. anyway ive just been reading papers for fun this weekend and remembering y i dont: bc its agony#but also i fucking love the concepts so much and i need a good understanding of photosynthesis before August when i join a photosynthesis#lab lmao. ugh. i love learning but my brain was not buildmt#built for it. if only if only someone could podcast about the obscure things im interested in while reading directly from the source#unrelated#also its like 105 degrees plus. its too fucking hot out#thats like 40 degrees C. the sun is like a death ray
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