#this is gillian-specific content

[olderthannetfic]

i was listening to the fanficmaverick podcast episode you did on fanfiction history, in which you mentioned (~55 min in) that you were one of the main people writing the terms of service for AO3 and bringing up the types of "would this be allowed" test cases, that these were not "oh it's a slightly problematic kink" but "violent snuff porn of gillian anderson, not scully, but gillian anderson" — and that you all eventually landed on "kinda gross, but legal in the US, and therefore would host." question: was this the most contentious case? any other memorable/notable test cases, or other interesting discussions you can remember?

i'd also love to hear more about how the major archive warnings were decided on — on what basis were these chosen? which others were considered? — if you happen to know!

sincerest thank you for all the work you've done for fandom and the preservation of fandom history. ❤️ seriously, such a feat, and so interesting!

--

I think even then my personal level of wallowing in annoying wank or looking at horrifying fic was vastly higher than everyone else's, so this was pretty much the example we looked at.

Though, if you want to laugh, astolat's original post is still up on LJ with the comments, and there were totally people going "I'd be interested in this new archive project, but not if it includes RPF!" or "Not if it includes any underage fic at all!" etc.

--

On usenet in the 90s, there was somebody or somebodies who were reaaaaally into that specific type of snuff story. I remember noticing how many of them involved not only hangings but very specific imagery of one high heel falling off. I was 13, so I really couldn't tell you if it was one dude with a specific fetish or genuinely super widespread. But it made an impression.

The alt.sex.stories hierarchy was a wild time.

Anyway, in practice, badwrong RPF of female celebs that sounds like it's aimed at straight dudes ends up on fetish sites for whatever the fetish is, not on fic archives for the most part, but I thought it was a useful example because it was so far into actually offensive to AO3y types. We're not talking the weaksauce shit people are always asking me about on here like "Oooh, what if someone posted [bog standard slash trope] to AO3?" as though it's a gotcha.

--

Man... were there other test cases? I'm trying to remember. This was all in like 2008, and of course, I didn't keep internal documents when I left OTW. Not that half of this was stuff I'd have had documented on my computer anyway.

My memory is that the general shape of the content policy had been decided by the founding Board before Content Policy started up. I don't think we were actually making the ruling on RPF ourselves.

I'm pretty sure most of what we were up to was looking at wank and trying to determine how to head off shitty behavior with the ToS. Trying to define harassment is a mega pain in the ass, let me tell you.

One major internal wank there was was deciding whether to allow Original Work. I was the one who'd been in anime fandom, and I was very used to archives that have an original section, often for the "original slash" and "original yaoi" that had nowhere else to go at the time. (These days, you'd just become a "m/m romance" author, as I in fact have.) Fanfiction.net had spun off its original years ago at that point, but a lot of the non-English archives and a lot of the archives in other parts of English-speaking fandom found fannish-but-original to be a normal thing.

I am a grudgy bitch, and I am still not over how much pushback I got on this.

AO3 went live with a ban on original work, but the policy never ended up being heavily enforced. We waited to see what would happen with posting, and it was predictably that people from those backgrounds outside of US Media Fandom posted some original without even thinking it might be banned, but they didn't post so much it overwhelmed the archive.

The big fears had been that #1 people would flood AO3 and drown out the fic. This was predicated on the idiotic notion that original = inherently not fannish, so there's no dividing line. In reality, the people who were used to posting original to fic archives had an internal sense of what belongs and what doesn't. Fear #2 was that people would try to post chapter 1 of a commercial story and then go "See here to buy the rest". Little did we know that this would soon be a problem with fucking fan fiction itself. (Also, commercial spam was always against the rules and needed no extra anti-original work rule.)

People didn't just disagree with me: they looked at me blankly.

Pretty sure I vented about this on that podcast too though. Anyway, most of the shit people find contentious now was already decided before we started writing the ToS, I think... though I don't really remember clearly. We were more looking to plug up holes in the rules that nitpicking trolls could use to harass.

The kinds of things we were deciding were often like the policy that AO3 doesn't necessarily tell you if someone reported you. If they need info, they'll contact you, and if they decide you broke the ToS, you'll hear about it, but obviously bogus reports don't get passed on. This is to remove the temptation to use the team as a proxy to harass a target. An official e-mail, even if it's "You're fine, actually", can be disturbing.

--

Re the warnings themselves, I know I'd done a survey of what archives were out there at the time and had come up with a list of a few dozen. This was early on in OTW's development process, not just for Content Policy. You can still find the list somewhere on that LJ group. Anyway, for the ToS writing, we looked at the commonplace warnings from archives past, which were basically character death, character death, and also character death.

It always cracks me up when people are like "Um, rape makes sense, but how dare they downplay these other bad things with a character death warning?" Old fandom places were full of unwarned for rape, but woe betide the person who posted surprise character death of a main ship!

We needed an under-18 warning because we had a lot of Australian fans who were like "Dude, my government is a bitch, and I cannot use this archive at all if I can't filter that out". Past archives had mostly just banned it entirely or been full of death eaters raping teenage Harry Potter characters with nary an underage warning in sight.

I don't remember why we picked the violence one. It really wasn't common, but maybe we wanted to make a philosophical point that sex doesn't have more cooties than violence.

CNTW was a compromise with older fandom standards where people objected to literally any warnings existing. A lot of the really oldschool warnings debates aren't about which ones you should have but about whether you should have them at all.

I think people around here miss how non-universal warnings are and how many other communities and spaces even today don't think you need all that.

I don't recall if we seriously considered any specific others. I don't think we had a big list, then ruled them out. It's more like we accreted a few must-haves as we went along. We probably looked at the metadata for the eFiction archives that actually had ticky boxes for search (as opposed to the very low-metadata norm on many archives). But a lot of those filters would have been fandom-specific or redundant or hella vague.

One thing to keep in mind is that this was an Era of Archives, so there were fucktons of examples to look at, though only a few flavors of example since a bunch used eFiction or otherwise copied each other's design. It was possible to make some judgements about past norms on archives, not just go "Are we copying FFN or not?" A lot of fans now see fic hosting as the big three or see AO3 as the only option, but we were used to having many archives with many designs.

I know we wanted a short and manageable list of warnings, and we wanted unambiguous things that could be effectively enforced. If I'm populating my hard-coded 90s website with other people's fics, I can go through each for dubcon before I post it (not that you'd ever have warned for dubcon in the 90s). On a big fic archive, making judgement calls on vague ass categories like dubcon is a nightmare.

We did do some focus groups where other interested fans came in and critiqued our work. I can't recall how much was about our ToS wording and how much was about the actual policies. But we did workshop this shit extensively with people who were around at the time. I think many of the whiners now assume it wasn't enough of a community effort (since we didn't decide things they like). But actually, a bunch of people weighed in. Maybe elf remembers what we actually asked them. I think she was in a focus group.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

In the last few days, I've made two long and rambling posts about Cowgate, a short incident from 2003 that haunts my nightmares. I think people should know that when I make posts like that - the ones that go way too long about something entirely niche - I am operating under the assumption that absolutely no one is reading this bullshit. Even the small handful of people who read this blog regularly, I assume you skip over those ones.

That's not just a hypothetical assumption, I make writing choices accordingly. I assume the only purpose of this post is to give me somewhere to put the hauntings besides my nightmares, and therefore, it doesn't matter if it's readable. I know that my whole blog is full of errors, but on posts like that, I get especially lax with things like editing. I go really deep on things where on a different post, I might think - okay, that's far enough. Because no one is reading this.

I have now been proven wrong several times about those couple of posts, which both mildly embarrasses and delights me. First of all, I got this great comment from @beastlyanachronism, which is now how I love to picture myself:

Then, the wonderful @lastweeksshirttonight proved that they'd read not only the posts but the comment, by immediately messaging me a corresponding picture. I replied that I love the image, I will definitely start my post with that image the next time a new Cowgate-based detail is found and I need to write about it. I didn't expect that to be soon, though. Breakthroughs are few and far between.

But then, I got another message, proving that at least three different people have read my post (actually four, if you count the very kind British man who read my post and then sent me a message to explain the nuances in the expression "bottle it"). And that last message is the reason for this post. Because, I can't believe I've been given cause to use this image so soon:

Further content behind the cut, because not everyone needs this content all over their feed.

This relates to the message I got last night, from the extremely helpful @linkeightvideo, who not only read my posts, but joined the cause and did his own research. And came up with this link:

The Metro cow is a thing!!! I knew the wording of that YouTube comment was weird (calling it "the Metro cow", rather than something like "a cow that said Metro on it"), suggesting that this was a specific and recognizable instillation. And I was right! But I cannot take credit for figuring that out, all credit goes to @linkeightvideo, who is the best.

The above link is to an archived version of an article from August 5, 2003, about three weeks before Cowgate occurred (which was August 26, 2003 - fun fact that has absolutely nothing to do with anything because to the best of my knowledge he wasn't there or anything, but that was also Nish Kumar's eighteenth birthday). The article is from the Edinburgh Fringe website. It's short enough so I'm just going to paste its text in full:

The Fringe was hit by a bunch of cotton-pickin', rootin-tootin' cattle ruslers in the early hours of Saturday night. The almost life-sized, bright blue and red Metro bull was stolen from outside the Metro Fringe Box Office. Metro newspapers are appealing for its safe return before the police are called and urge anyone with information to come forward. Metro Fringe Box Office Manager, Gillian O'Connor said: "We're distraught to have lost such a valuable member of the Box Office team! Please bring him back." The bull had just completed a secondment outside London's Victoria station, where he stood unmoved for a month. Yet after only a few days on duty with the Fringe he has gone missing leaving today's Festival Cavalcade a bull short of a procession.

That's it!!! That's the one! It was blue and red! I know it was blue and red, because Adam hills shouted "it's got red horns, it's all the rage". And it was almost life sized! And it said Metro on the side! Further research - also done by @linkeightvideo, he deserves all the credit in the world for this - finds that Metro sponsored the Edinburgh Fringe Festival that year, and also directly sponsored the Gilded Balloon venue.

So, the company called Metro had a large cow that was used in advertisements, and for one month in the summer of 2003, it was in London, outside Victoria Station. Then it was brought to Edinburgh, because they were sponsoring the festival and running a box office. They put it outside that box office, and it got stolen within "a few days" (which makes sense, as August 5th is a few days into the festival). It was meant to be part of the Festival Cavalcade, but couldn't be due to thieves.

Then, three weeks later, it spends all night on stage during a late-night comedy show in an Edinburgh venue that Metro sponsors, where it gets taken apart. How do we get from one state of affairs to the other? I don't know, but I'm a hell of a lot closer to understanding than I was yesterday. If the cow was somehow recovered, it would make sense from them to move it indoors, where it can be guarded better (again, credit for this idea goes to @linkeightvideo, and I think it makes sense). I mean, it can be guarded from drunk thieves in the middle of the night. Apparently the stage of the Gilded Balloon is not a good place to guard it from (shockingly) sober comedians in the middle of the night.

This made me try searching again for the specific words "Metro cow", and I found this article from December 12, 2003. It's a list of people who are involved with whatever organization this is, I'm not really clear on that. But it includes this one guy named Stephen Auckland. He's from the North of England, and as of when this was written, he was listened as the managing director of Metro. The bottom of his profile says:

An able sidekick to Associated Newspaper's Mike Anderson, even when it came to keeping up appearances following the disappearance of Mootro, Metro's cow mascot, from the Edinburgh festival. Auckland offered to dress up as a pantomime version. Luckily, they found the cow.

Guys! Guys! It has a fucking name! The Cowgate cow has a name! It's named Mootro! Now that I think about it, I actually can't believe I've never named the thing, given that I named the event (Cowgate), and giving the cow a name is the sort of thing I'd do. But I don't have to, because apparently it's named Mootro.

And the story has an update. It was stolen by August 5, and then it was found at some unknown point, and by August 26 it was in the Gilded Balloon. And then it got taken apart on stage.

I think this brings up one obvious question, which is: if this thing was important enough for its theft to be reported on the Edinburgh Fringe website, how come they were allowed to destroy it? The obvious answer would be that it was specifically made for just that one Edinburgh Festival, and was meant to be destroyed at the end of it anyway. But why did it spend a month in London right before that, then? And why would they do that anyway? Surely it's not efficient to make something like that for only a month, you'd think they'd plan to have it last a while and move it around based on where they're sponsoring things.

I can't believe this. This is the biggest revelation since I figured out who the fuck Karen Koren was, the woman referenced in Adam Hills' song, after after ages of Googling comedians named "Erin Coren" (finally worked out that she was the venue owner, which seems obvious now but it hadn't occurred to me at the time, when I was expecting it to be a reference to another performer). Actually, this is a much bigger revelation than that one, which just explained a couple of Adam Hills' lyrics. This is the biggest revelation in all the Cowgate research yet. The two main questions at the heart of the Cowgate mystery are: "Why did you do it?" and "Where did you get the cow?" And now one of those questions has been answered! It has a fucking name!

That second article referred to it specifically as the Metro "mascot". I guess a company is going to make more than one version of a mascot. But still, I don't think you're allowed to just destroy a sponsor's mascot. Maybe that mascot was at the end of its life anyway? Maybe Daniel Kitson just doesn't give a fuck? Maybe Daniel Kitson stole the cow in the first place. There's a whole new question. Who stole the cow? How did they get it back? How did it get from there to its whereabouts on August 26?

I know it wasn't on the Gilded Balloon stage every night of the 2003 Edinburgh Festival, because there's no sign of it in this montage, from Late 'n' Live on August 19, 2003 (also a fun video and great snippets of Chocolate Milk Gang history, if you can get past the second-hand embarrassment of Kitson trying his rap battle thing with an actual musician, and the presence of an actual musician makes the whole thing seem less ironic and therefore harder to watch - but you do get to see David O'Doherty beat up Jason Byrne and that's hilarious, also it's very funny to watch Daniel Kitson do something as out of character as brag about "nearly" winning a Barry Award and having a girlfriend from Australia, especially given how the latter turned out):

So it wasn't there on that night. Also, it just couldn't have been there every night. The Gilded Balloon is a proper venue that has proper shows during most of its time, it couldn't just have a large cow on stage for all of those. Also, in the beginning of that montage video from August 26, you see Kitson talking to the audience about the cow, and it sounds like he considers its presence as much of a novelty as they do. I mean, he's making fun of them for thinking it's a novelty, but he doesn't seem familiar with it, it seems like something he has to address:

This is the main reason for my theory that they didn't plan it beforehand, the montage shows the audience giving Kitson challenges for easy things to do with the cow, he asks them for more difficult challenges and then the video cuts, but I think the audience then asked him to tear it apart. It's a theory that makes sense based on some circumstantial evidence, but it does open up other questions. The main one being whether you can get permission to destroy a company's mascot between the beginning and the end of a comedy show, especially a comedy show that takes place entirely in the middle of the night. It doesn't seem likely. It also opens up some smaller questions, like what they were planning as the end of the show - the finale of the last night of Late 'n' Live, so you'd think they'd have something - that got bumped for this.

This reminds me that I had some further thoughts on the other mystery, of what actually went down on the night of August 26. I was thinking of the somewhat blue sky theory of there being two previous. Evidence for this: Adam Hills referred to "three chances", they were able to pick up chisels off the ground that seemed to just be lying around (possibly having been discarded after previous attempts), and Kitson in that video does have their air of someone who's already watched this go wrong and is really determined to make sure they get it fucking right this time. Evidence against: I'm not sure that works from a show planning perspective. What if it had worked on the first try, then what would the finale have been? If they'd watched it fail twice, would they really have made it the finale, knowing it may well fail a third time and that would be a shit ending? Though this could possibly be explained by the presence of the pipe that someone runs on stage, significantly increasing their chances compared to any attempt where that pipe was not in play.

I thought of something else today: the cow was already down when they started that video. Earlier in the night, we see comedians sitting on the cow, it's standing up. But at the end, when those guys run out to try to take it apart, they don't have to knock it down first. It's already lying on its side. They could have knock it down just before starting the song, but why would they do that? Surely knocking it down would be a fun dramatic moment, so if this were the first time they'd messed with the cow, they'd leave the knocking down to be part of the process. Unless this weren't the first time, and they had dramatically knocked it down before starting to try taking it apart, but this one done at some earlier point that the video didn't catch.

Anyway. That's the revelation. Along with some further thoughts on theories, but the main thing is the revelation. Massive breakthrough, and I need to thank @linkeightvideo one more time for research that he was under absolutely no obligation to do, but he came through anyway. What a legend. Am I using the British expressions right? What a solid gold legend.

[fullscoreshenanigans]

Hello!! I'm really sorry, but could you do a summary of the Krone and Isabella light novels? I can't find anywhere to read them. thank you so much!!

No need to apologize, happy to help!

I've talked about the contents of the first light novel here. Almost all of it is available either translated in text or via sound dramas with English subtitles. The exception is the "NER in Bird Cages" story, which is only available in English as a summary.

I've provided a general overview of the second light novel here, as well a link to the masterlist of TPN content for the English-speaking fandom. The first half is dedicated to Isabella, and the second half to Krone, though if you've read chapter 181.2, you'll already be familiar with most of it.

If one of the stories is part of the content of a post, I'll usually tag it as light novels, the title of the light novel in question, and the title of the specific story. (e.g., TPN Light Novels + Moms' Song of Remembrance + The Starry Sky and Leslie's List)

Here's all the light novels laid out with their story tags (with the exception of the fourth one because I've only read the half that's translated):

Light Novel 1: A Letter from Norman

• "The Ghost Incidents at Grace Field House" - Norman reminiscences about his earliest memory with Emma and Ray, when they were about three or four, trying to solve the mystery of the spooky occurrences around the house. • "The Day Emma Cried" - Norman recalls an incident when he was about seven and became terribly ill retrieving Emma’s handkerchief during a rainstorm. Thinking he’s on death’s doorstep, with Isabella’s permission (to both appease Emma and test Ray’s loyalty), Emma and Ray go out to find the miracle cure, a white flower that only blooms at night. • "NER in Bird Cages" - Norman muses how he's never seen Ray cry before he remembers the incident where they rescued an injured bird sometime after Emma's ninth birthday. Ray deals with the grief of not being able to save his beloved older sister, Susan, if he wants to save Emma's and Norman's lives. • "A Gift from the 39th Girl" - The Grace Field kids secretly work on putting together a gift for Norman’s eleventh birthday.

Light Novel 2: Moms' Song of Remembrance

• "The Starry Sky and Leslie's List" - Isabella's story where she remembers helping Leslie with a list of goals he set out to accomplish over the course of two days before he's shipped out. She also reflects on her relationships with Ray and Sarah. • "Searching for the Skies of Freedom" - Krone's story; chapter 181.2 is a retelling of this.

Light Novel 3: Records of Comrades

• "Two Paths" - The story of how Lucas and Yuugo's group acquired the tea set we see Yuugo with in the bunker, interspersed with scenes of Lucas interacting with Emma and Yuugo interacting with Ray during the present timeline. • "Two Wills" - Gillian and Nigel's story of their earlier days at Goldy Pond when they both lost their sisters, Lala and Emilia. • "Two Destinies" - The story of how Mujika and Sonju met and how Leuvis inadvertently ended the farm system and thousand-year promise because he was bored.

Light Novel 4: Films of Memories

• "The Days to Celebrate" • "Operation Stormy Night" - The Grace Field children reminiscence about the night their older siblings helped them feel safe during a particularly bad storm. • "Ray and Conny" - The Grace Field kids are telling Emma about their life at Grace Field house when Conny comes up. Ray recalls to himself how he helped three-year-old Conny adjust to sleeping in the larger shared bedrooms with some indirect help from Susan. It's a story only he and Norman know now. • "The Chess Proverb" - Ray teaches Norman how to play chess, and Emma and Norman join in a match with Ray against Isabella. Serves as a metaphor for how each of them approaches a problem and how they balance each other out when they work together. • "Don and Gilda" • "The Guiding Star" - The story that explains how the trio got on the roof for the chapter 119 cover art and the comfort they each draw from the stars.

Finally, here's my general tag navigation page that's hopefully accessible on mobile as well as desktop.

[cav-core]

Fake Crime novels

I would really recommend people who get a kick out of true crime content but don't feel comfortable with the ethics of consuming real people's tragedies that way (me, I'm people) get into the genre I've personally dubbed Fake Crime.

This is a specific subset of thriller/crime/mystery/sometimes horror novels that hit the same kind of content, the same kind of beats, same "tropes" and often narrative voice as a lot of popular true crime content, but the events and people involved are entirely fictional. It's the same thrill to it, but without feeling like you're getting your kicks off someone else's pain.

Often these novels will address an in-universe true crime community, too, usually critically, which can be pretty meta-fun.

Examples of this genre I've personally decided exists that I've read and enjoyed include:

The Whisper Man, Alex North

What Lies in the Woods, Kate Alice Marshall

Penance, Eliza Clark

Brutes, Dizz Tate

Dark Places, Gillian Flynn

(ofc check trigger warnings for all of these)

[kamreadsandrecs]

Title: Scorched Grace (Sister Holiday Mystery #1)

Author: Margot Douaihy

Genre/s: mystery

Content/Trigger Warning/s: arson, homophobia, drug use, police brutality, cancer, suicide, rape, incest

Summary (from author's website): Sister Holiday, a chain-smoking, heavily tattooed nun puts her amateur sleuthing skills to the test in this “dark, sneaky thriller” and “freight train of a murder mystery” (Gillian Flynn).

When Saint Sebastian's School becomes the target of a shocking arson spree, the Sisters of the Sublime Blood and their surrounding community are thrust into chaos. Unsatisfied with the officials' response, sardonic and headstrong Sister Holiday becomes determined to unveil the mysterious attacker herself and return her new home and sanctuary to its former peace. Her investigation leads down a twisty path of suspicion and secrets in the sticky, oppressive New Orleans heat, turning her against colleagues, students, and even fellow Sisters along the way. An exciting start to Margot Douaihy’s bold series for Gillian Flynn Books that breathes new life into the hardboiled genre, Scorched Grace is a fast-paced and punchy whodunit that will keep readers guessing until the very end.

Buy Here: https://bookshop.org/p/books/scorched-grace-a-sister-holiday-mystery-margot-douaihy/18283014

Spoiler-Free Review: Oh this was a FUN ride, for sure! While the cover, and the premise - lesbian former (?) punk rocker becomes a nun and solves crimes - are definitely appealing the quality of the writing solidify the promise of both cover and premise. In the first three paragraphs one can almost HEAR Sister Holiday’s cigarette-and-punk-rock-roughened voice, and the overall quality of that voice and the author’s writing does not let up for one second over the course of the novel.

It also helps that Sister Holiday herself is FASCINATING. Though there is an overall mystery that needs to be solved (i.e. the arson case that burns down a huge portion of St. Sebastian’s School), the Sister herself is a mystery all her own - one that gets untangled throughout the novel as she gets lost in memories and narrates events from her life before moving to New Orleans and joining the Sisters of the Sublime Blood. The contrast between her past and her present is also incredibly fascinating to read about, not least because the one thing that bridges the two halves of her history is her genuine faith.

That’s another thing about this novel that makes it so enjoyable to read: Sister Holiday’s faith is rock-solid and real. It’s not a BLIND faith though; she is entirely aware of how damaged Christianity in general and Roman Catholicism in specific is, and how damaging they are to their believers. This is something she knows from her own personal experience, something that the reader can pick up whenever Sister Holiday narrates her reminiscences on her past.

But despite knowing the downsides, Sister Holiday also knows the strengths of her religion, and it is those strengths that she embraces and holds on to as hard as she can. She regularly extols the virtues of worship, ritual, and a far more progressive lived practice than some people might think is possible while being a devout Catholic. To be fair, this assumption is entirely deserved, but it also neglects a type of Catholicism where socialist thought borne from the hard realities of colonialism and imperialism have interwoven with a Catholic emphasis on action-as-devotion and community service to create a brand of the faith that, in some ways, is very progressive.

Despite all these positives, there are a few minor nitpicks that might rub some readers the wrong way. The first might be the author’s repeated descriptions of how hot New Orleans gets. The language used is very good, so it might not bug the reader too much the first few times it happens, but by around the midway point it DOES get a bit tiresome.

The second nitpick might be the way the mystery is laid out. Sister Holiday is not exactly the tidiest of narrators despite her insistence that she is a fantastic amateur detective, so this means that the reader can get taken for a wilder ride than is strictly necessary. Some readers may find this fun, not least because Sister Holiday’s narrative voice is so compelling, but there might be some other readers out there who won’t be too happy with how the story is laid out.

Overall, this was an amazingly absorbing read, despite a few tiny nitpicks. The characterization of Sister Holiday is stellar, as is the overall quality of the writing, that it easily hooks readers from the beginning and doesn’t let go until the very end. If the cover and/or the premise appeals to the reader, then rest assured that the contents definitely back them up.

Rating: four and a half cigarettes

[drelldreams]

blog introduction

hey. i’m taliah, 22, she/her, gmt+2 timezone, demisexual/demiromantic & bi. i love ME and thus decided to create a blog to discover new content, to support all the amazing artists, modders & writers, and to share some of my own content.

i like to share headcanons, au ideas, and i write fics. i love rarepairs and i ship femshep/samara, more specifically my shepard oc vivien shepard with samara, and jack/thane. i do ship shrios too.

aside from femshep, jack, thane and samara i also love miranda lawson, mordin solus, liara t’soni, oriana, the asari species, the drell, and the novel characters liselle t’loak, paul grayson and gillian grayson. most of the stuff i have on my blog revolves around that. i try to dig out all the rare content such as liselle fics and artworks, rarepair content, cut content from the game, unused concept art, etc.

[houseofhurricane]

Against Nostalgia | Chapter Eight

Summary: Fifteen years after the end of the second war against Voldemort, Hermione Granger is invited to Hogwarts for a one-year appointment as the professor for History of Magic, forcing her to take a break from a successful career at the Ministry of Magic. Draco Malfoy, meanwhile, is Hogwarts’ Defence Against the Dark Arts professor. He’s a former Auror, despite the fact that he still bears the Dark Mark. Though there’s mutual distrust between them, sparks quickly fly between Hermione and Draco…sometimes literally. And although the war is long over, it doesn’t take an interest in History of Magic to see that history is intent on repeating. Between them, Hermione and Draco have the power to shatter the world they know. Or, maybe, the could make it into something new. (Imagine if they fell in love at the same time.)

Pairing: Dramione

Word Count: 5,923

Chapter Summary: Everyone is some combination of hot and/or bothered in this chapter.

Thank you to @iftheshoef1tz​ + @poisonivy206​ + Carter + Farrah + Gillian for beta reading this. You all are the epitome of squad goals. All mistakes, as always, are my own.

Thank you all for the love and support on this fic! I hope you enjoy this chapter 🧡

You can read Against Nostalgia on Archive of Our Own.

The next few weeks fall into a rhythm that, if not quite ideal, is more than bearable. Hermione settles in to teaching, trying to be contented with the fact that approximately half of her History of Magic students are listening. She consoles herself with the fact that she’s given some really good lectures in Contemporary History of Magic, with McGonagall sitting in, actually rapt, when she spoke about the duel between Grindelwald and Dumbledore, the specifics and the implications for the years between the war. Her next lecture, about what Voldemort learned from Grindelwald, is even better.

Every evening before dinner, Malfoy uses a spell to hoist her in the air by her ankles, and Hermione works to break herself out. Within three days, she’s learned to master her panic, and a day later, she can reverse the spell wordlessly. But casting the countercurses without a wand proves more difficult. Another week passes, and then two, and Hermione’s mind goes bright and blank.

“Why don’t you try thinking of your poetry?” Draco suggests as they walk to dinner after two weeks of unsuccessful effort.

“Didn’t it take you a month to figure out how to break these curses without a wand?” she asks, adjusting the bag on her shoulder. She’s caught up on her grading, and she’s made her recommendations for Rebeca’s proposal on Muggle relations, and she’s somehow still waiting for the literature on security wards. So despite the fact that Hermione still has plenty of books in her satchel, tonight it is mostly filled with sheet music.

She’s going to slip off to the piano room as soon as dinner is over.

Malfoy looks bemused at whatever he sees on her face. “I would have thought hearing about my record would make you want to beat it in half the time.”

“I’m planning to catch you off your guard,” she informs him with unearned asperity. She hasn’t bested him in any more duels. That hasn’t stopped her from practising diligently. Not only spells, either: Hermione has begun rising early in the mornings to run around the Hogwarts castle in the exercise clothes she bought with Ginny in Muggle London last year. Her bright yellow trainers look more than a bit ridiculous on the castle grounds, but she’s been able to dodge nearly all of Malfoy’s spells since she started her runs.

“That will take longer than the time you have left at Hogwarts.”

She frowns, because it suddenly seems as if her return to the Ministry in July is too near. Then she changes the subject. “Have you heard any more about this threat against me?”

Read the rest on AO3.

Tag List: @almosttenaciousmoon @anotherartmuseum @bekkakat @bloodyinspiredstuff @blue-pinguin13 @bookbaby2021 @booknerd87 @carol-pisarro @damedechance @diamonata @dramionefeltson @foundress0fnothing @gracegotyou @heartoffleur @hizqueen4life @hobidyllic @iftheshoef1tz @igotoseeekagreatperhapss @i-hope-i-die  @interlude-jk @jewlsiverse @kresseida @likethemist42 @lvckycarms @magic-in-onyx @melodyofemotion86 @midnightmourning @mirubyjane @newjerzyyy @ninman82 @nottypicallytessa @octobers-veryown @ofduskanddreams @otplovers087 @ouatromanticgal-blog @poisonivy206​ @pricelessdreams86 @promiseyouheaven @reyiasolo @sherunswithzombies @sillywoman01 @spookedlentil @stopthenrewind @tamaud @theforest @theforestmsga @usagiii3 @varsitycowboy @vypers07 @whitleystardust @zootndingo​

Please let me know if you’d like to be added or removed from my tag list. Thanks for reading 🧡

[dirty-bosmer]

Thanks for tagging me @wispstalk!

Relationship Status: in one and very content :)

Favorite Color(s): dark greens and dusty pinks and p much any earth tone.

Favorite Food: My mom’s pozole rojo. She makes it for Christmas every year and it rejuvenates my ragged, withered soul.

Song Stuck in My Head: Pull up the Roots by the Talking Heads. Played randomly while listening to Spotify one day, and I’ve been listening to it every morning while getting ready for like a week.

Last thing you Googled: plastic histology block gets stuck on knife

Time: 1:48

Dream Trip: Man there are so many places I’d love to visit. Off the top of my head, southern Europe, specifically Portugal cause I want to practice the language, but I’d love to see more of the Mediterranean, drink a lot of wine, eat very late dinners. Have an olive or two.

Last Thing You Read: “Problems in Histopathological Technique” (histology will be the death of me lmaoooo. Too bad I need it for 2 out of 4 of my dissertation chapters 😩) 

Last Book You Enjoyed Reading: I’m currently in the middle of... maybe five books (i have promble) and too busy to finish even one 😭 The last novel I read was Dark Places by Gillian Flynn. I finished reading through her entire bibliography this summer. On her wikipedia page, she is quoted saying, “I particularly mourn the lack of female villains – good, potent female villains,” and when I read that, I was like “gorl, you so damn right.” Big fan.

Favorite Thing to Cook/Bake: Now that it’s the fall, it’s gotta be this Stardew Valley inspired dish I call “Roots Platter.” Just a bunch or roasted root veggies thrown together and served with some sautéed kale. +100 health.

Favorite Craft to do in Your Freetime: idk if this is a craft, but I’ve recently taken up drawing again and working with oil pastels. I was heavily inspired by all the lovely artwork done by @katastronoot. I’m very bad at it lol, but it’s so much fun!

Most Niche Dislike: Pants. I hate pants. I like them on other people, but I can’t stand wearing them.

Opinion on Circuses: Never been to one, and I do not intend to go. Especially if there are clowns or large animals doing tricks for entertainment (which I feel like should be illegal?? Has that happened yet, idk). 

Do You Have Any Sense of Direction: Ehhh, no. I can get where I need to go, but I’m awful at navigating while riding shotgun on road trips. I’m always late on calling out the turns, and if anyone asks me for directions on the street, I panic, wave my hands wildly, and somehow forget the word “right” and “left.” 

Tagging: @justafoxhound @chennnington @katastronoot @dumpsterhipster @memaidraws @atypicalacademic @evilbitchsupreme @glaukobiblion @thequeenofthewinter @pippinsquishums

[spiteless-xo]

heyyyy tiffany i didn't see this question on the ask game thing but i wanted to ask anyways. what are some of the best fics youve read aot or not? or what are some fics that got you into reading/writing

hey!! no problem, i think #80 on the list was like a wildcard question, but even if it wasn't, i'm always happy to answer any question you guys wanna throw at me 🥰

putting these questions under a cut because it's a WALL of text 💀 -- so sorry anon, i just got carried away!!

asks game questions!

xx. What are some of the best fics you've read, AOT or not?

i already have a list of all of my aot x reader fic recommendations and you can check my tags on tumblr under #fic recs for any ones i've found on here (aot, jjk, bllk, mostly), so i'll answer this for non-reader fics!

Bertholdt by Tvieandli - Bertholdt/Reiner, dark content This is hands-down the best AOT fic I've ever read, and sadly it has been unfinished since 2014. !! WARNINGS !! there is a lot of dark content in this fic, such as: underage, slurs, dubious consent, conversion therapy, physical/emotional abuse, eating disorders, and probably more. Please don't read this fic, get upset by the content, and then leave hurtful messages to the author -- I don't think any of my followers would do that, but if someone else stumbles across this, just please be respectful. Know your own limits and boundaries. Anyway. I randomly stumbled across this author because I was looking for Annie/Marcel fics 💀 I didn't even like Reibert at the time, but I decided to give this fic a shot and I was blown away. I really like darker, angsty content because I like having that emotion be invoked through a piece of literature, and this one really did that for me. I just love this fic so much and it inspires me to be better.

softly by TuesdayTerrible - Eren/Jean Like I said above, I just love fics that tear my heart out and this one really does it to me. I actually re-read it quickly when I grabbed the link and now I'm sobbing again. I love heartache and bittersweet love and stories like this just inspire me so much.

There are also fics from other fandoms that inspire me that sadly no longer exist or I can't find them, but I guarantee you that they're all equally as gut-wrenching. There's one that I remember from the SHINee fandom during the LiveJournal days that was Onew/Minho where Minho (I think) was a robot that was ordered to Onew's house after.... something... idk but anyway, it was very sad and I bawled like a baby and when I think about fanfics that I've read and loved in the past, I always remember that one, even if I can't recall details.

xx. What are some fics that got you into reading/writing?

I used to read/write kpop fanfics when I was in highschool/early university but I ended up getting too busy and stopping completely. I got back into reading last year when I re-read The Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins. Some of my favourite books that I read/re-read last year were: - Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes - Before I Fall by Lauren Oliver - Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn - The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins - A Head Full of Ghosts by Paul Tremblay - Before She Knew Him by Peter Swanson - Rock Paper Scissors by Alice Feeney - Piranesi by Susanna Clarke - Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir - The Seven Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle by Stuart Turton

I got back into writing late last year because I got so inspired by the books that I had read that it made me want to create content again. I re-watched AOT late last year and randomly became obsessed with Reiner 💀 and that's how I found my way onto AO3 and starting writing for AOT! Also, for TBAW specifically, I was inspired by another love triangle fic. I can't get too into the details of why that fic inspired me because it would give away the ending to TBAW 🙊 Respectfully, an Absolute Mess by Ercthesloth - Eren/Reader, Jean/Reader

[sorrengael]

#SORRENGAEL.      private and highly selective headcanon based writing blog for   ( 𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚕𝚎𝚝 𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚕  ) of the empyrean series with verses in many different fandoms. 18+ only, minors dni. wridden   by   𝙰𝙽𝙽𝙰, 𝚃𝚆𝙴𝙽𝚃𝚈7, 𝚂𝙷𝙴/𝙷𝙴𝚁. *currently reading iron flame.

EXPLORING ( ... ) a pheonix rising from it's ashes, otherworldly and vaguely threatening, not the kind who needs saving, flowers growing back as thorns, you're a weapon and weapons don't weep, who's afraid of little old me?, work smarter not harder, she would make herself a reckoning, pain shapes a woman into a warrior, thunder and lightning, from a little s park may burst a flame.

you can also find me at : @legatium ( multi - muse ), @switzaerland ( bella swan ), @spiltsalt ( gillian owens ), @cardigaens ( swiftverse multi )  ©

PSA. this blog will contain sensitive / mature content (blood, death, gore, drugs etc ), these specific subjects will always be written with caution and tagged accordingly. nsfw will also be present from time to time, these subjects will only be written with those who are comfortable and of age (21+). all memes answered are available and encouraged to be turned into threads! memes are the easiest way for me to start new dynamics and test the waters, so please never hesitate to send me some! the most important thing to remember when interacting with me is that roleplaying is not a job, it is a hobby. i won’t tolerate any ooc drama what-so-ever (and neither should anyone else!) roleplaying is not worth the mental strain!

[cowbutches]

trying to get back into reading books and not just fanfic, do you have recs?

Probably too many. Here's a quick and dirty list off the top of my head because my e-reader decided to tank any sideloaded books and my goodreads account is a defunct mess. Neither of things these helped with checking on what I've read. I'll be rectifying that later today... 💀

Unless it's in the YA section, please assume that these may have adult content in some way or another (usually horror elements). Genres may blend. A lot of these are going to contain a woman/woman relationship as well.

If you're wanting anything more genre-specific, I certainly would have recommendations beyond just broad strokes.

Horror

Her Body and Other Parties - Carmen Maria Machado The Hollow Places - T. Kingfisher Our Wives Under the Sea - Julia Amfield Tender is the Flesh - Augustina Bazterrica What Moves the Dead - T. Kingfisher

Fantasy

Captive Prince - C.S. Pacat (Captive Prince Trilogy) Gideon the Ninth - Tamsyn Muir (The Locked Tomb series) The Jasmine Throne - Tasha Suri (The Burning Kingdoms Series) Nettle and Bone - T. Kingfisher The Priory of the Orange Tree - Samantha Shannon (Roots of Chaos series) She Who Became the Sun - Shelley Parker-Chan (The Radiant Emperor)

Mystery/Thriller

Dark Places - Gillian Flynn Eileen - Ottesa Moshfegh The Push - Audrey Audrain

Science-Fiction

All Systems Red - Martha Wells (The Murderbot Diaries) Dead Silence - S.A. Barnes Into the Drowning Deep - Mira Grant (Rolling in the Deep series) The Left Hand of Darkness - Ursula K. Le Guin The Luminous Dead - Caitlin Starling

Misc.

Crash - James Ballard The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood (The Handmaid's Tale series) The Price of Salt - Patricia Highsmith Tipping the Velvet - Sarah Waters Vampires of El Norte - Isabel Cañas

YA

Bones and All - Camille DeAngelis Crier's War - Nina Varela (Crier's War duology) The Hunger Games - Suzanne Collins (The Hunger Games series) Last Night at the Telegraph Club - Malinda Lo

[raoulmichelleauthor]

Recommended detective and murder mystery books.

Unravel thrilling narratives oozing with intrigue and suspense for top murder mystery and detective reads editor’s pick. Trace an enigma of plot twists, suspenseful mysteries, and captivating revelations found in novels ranging from the classic Agatha Christies’ timeless whodunits to contemporary works by authors like Gillian Flynn.

Detective reads Editor’s Pick a curated list of superb articles you won’t want to miss. Like a detective’s sharp eyes for detail, editors choose only the most engaging stories. This is an excellency’s pledge, a gathering of extraordinary works for the inquiring eyes to feast on!

Detector involves being curious, analytical, and precise. It acts as a torchlight that leads you through the dark passages of finding secrets, solving puzzles, and searching for real facts among the lies. A true detective should watch closely, study carefully, and intelligently link scattered puzzle pieces into an undisclosed picture of the truth.

Detective reads editor’s pick in the domain of digital content. Like skillful detectives are editors who scan through many pieces of content to find the exceptional cream of the crop. This explains why they are experts when it comes to choosing the best items with experience, insight, and an ability to see the unique.

Detective, by reading editor’s picks they are like a lighthouse showing the way for the readers to the best stories, articles or information selected by clever editors. It encapsulates a promise of providing the audience with the most interesting, stimulating and gripping content that exists. “Detective” in an editor’s pick invites readers to explore the crème deal crème with excellence and revelation combined.

Editor's Picks for Detective Books

Detective books are hiding lots of interesting stories, intricate mysteries, and smart detectives there. In this genre, Detective Reads Editor’s Picks are a selected voyage into the best literature of crime-solving genius.

These selections involve the readers in the fascinating world of deduction, intriguing turns, and mysteries to be unveiled, beginning with the classical stories of Sherlock Holmes told by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and ending with the modern hits of Agatha Christie’s books

Plunge into the psyche of “Gone Girl” by Gillian Flynn, in which the lines between fact and fiction become increasingly indistinguishable as you read on. Dig deeper in the enigmas of the Dublin Murder squad by Tana French, exploring dark mysteries on eerie crime scenes and multiple layers of characters’ motivations.

Those who are looking for some historic ambience should explore the meandering complexities that Jacqueline Winspear has woven into the Maisie Dobbs series in England after World War I ;page Whether it is the mystical appeal of one specific private detective or the complex intricacy of numerous riddles and puzzles, all these Detective Reads Editor’s Picks have much in common as they promise an enthralling journey across the exciting realm of a criminal story book genre

What Are Editor’s Favorite Picks for Murder Mystery Books?

What are Murder Mystery Books?

Murder stories orchestrate complicated plots that involve crimes, suspense and investigations. The stories lead readers in through convoluted mysteries involving murders that are not straight forward, great detectives, and lies and seeking after the truth. They have been known for this since Agatha Christie and the Dragon Tattoo girl.

The murder mystery books rank highly among the editor’s favourite picks because of their ability to grab, puzzle, and amuse. These narratives are complex plots, interesting people in suspenseful tales. These kinds of works fascinate readers, attracting murder mystery Editor’s picks to their eternal charm as this genre combines intellectual amusement with enthralling adventure.

Such stories have not just kept the audience on the edges of their seats but they have also displayed how humans are really clever and complex. It is a place where writers can build mind bending riddles while readers enjoy being armchair detectives unravelling secrets and anticipating twists.

Their ability to go beyond straight storytelling is what makes these murder mystery and detective reads Editor's pick as they provide an intellectual break from regular routine alongside offering suspenseful escapades in alternative realities. Additionally, there is a great variety of genre options from cosy mysteries to grisly noir which should meet demands of most tastes.

Recent Detective Mystery Books

Newest detective mystery reads have proved innovative with interesting stories that have attracted a lot of attention. “The Searcher of Tana French”, focusing on a retired detective seeking for the truth in a remote Irish hamlet, shedding light on different levels of surprises and suspense. In addition, a book titled “The Thursday Murder Club” by Richard Osman provides another fascinating option that involves a gang of pensioners who cleverly investigate a number of local crimes while incorporating humour as well as complex crimes into their actions.

In “this might hurt” by stephanie wrobel a therapist ventures into dangerous ground as she discovers the dark side of her client’s lives. “Blacktop Wasteland” is a modern noir with a heist movie touch and multi-dimensional characters exploring a criminal world and family issues.

In addition, “A Line to Kill” by Anthony Horowitz features a comeback of private investigator Daniel Hawthorne within a case concerning a kill during a literary festival and tells an interesting story. Recent releases have been varied in terms of settings, perspectives, and challenging puzzles. The mysteries are enthralling, detective reads editors’ picks as narratives retain their grittiness. In order to find out the recent additions to this genre one can visit a bookstore, an online store or read a literature magazine.

Conclusion

The detective reads Editor's pick, comprising enticing content based on detective books. Detective symbolises curiosity and careful analysis in solving mysterious questions, which is the meaning of the keyword “Detective”. The books combine cerebral excitement with sensational pleasure, inspiring armchair detectives among their readers. Lately some interesting works were released, such as “The Searcher,” ” The Thursday murder club,” “ This might hurt”, ” Blacktop waste land” and “ A line to kill”. These present different settings, personalised angles and elaborate puzzles to attract the up-to-date detectives.

[maggie-parks]

Research Journal 3: Identity & Place

Artist 1: Paul Noble

Form: Graphite drawing on paper

Content: "Nobson", an imagined place: detailed symbolic city illustration influenced by architecture

Process: Similar to a Bosch painting, this type of drawing takes meticulous planning to include as many details as possible with as many separate parts in the composition for a viewing experience that takes much longer than a quick glance to see the whole picture. This requires skill in 2-point perspective drawing.

I chose this work because I am interested in the idea of adding fine details to a map that represents my identity, and I like Noble's style of drawing.

Artist 2: Ned Vizzini & Abigail Smith

Form: Book cover/jacket artwork

Content: Abigail Smith illustrates Ned Vizzini's concept of a "brain map" in his book It's Kind of a Funny Story. The main character in the book, Craig, drew maps of imaginary cities when he was a child. While being admitted into a mental hospital for 5 days, he takes an art class and revisits his childhood idea, and decides to draw these maps in silhouettes to describe them as "brain maps".

Process: The process on this one looks pretty straightforward design-wise as far as placing simple shapes into the composition, but it could be approached through different mediums like drawing, painting, collage, or digital.

I was thinking about this map for the original idea I had to illustrate my own "brain map", but wanted to take it a step further by adding in some serious detail and adding meaning with metaphor, which is where I would pull inspiration from Paul Noble.

Artist 3: Ed Fairburn

Form: portrait drawn in ink on a map (Marquette, MI)

Content & Process: Artist statement- “I manipulate paper maps to construct other forms, usually portraiture. I call this process topopointillism; a direct combination of topography and pointillism. Using traditional materials such as ink, paint, and pencil, I make gradual changes to the contours, roads, and other patterns found in cartography. These changes allow me to tease out the human form, resulting in a comfortable coexistence of figure and landscape. I aim to preserve the functionality of each map by feeding the composition instead of fighting it – I often spend hours studying the terrain before I begin any physical processes. I’m interested in the degree of subtlety behind each synchronization, and [how] a completed map behaves more like a portrait when viewed from further away – it’s almost paradoxical that a portrait should lose detail when examined closely."

Moving away from imaginary maps to real ones, Fairburn's portraits are stunning, I love his use of cross-hatching, and I love how drawing on a map from a specific place adds a level of meaning and context to the identity of the person in the piece. If I did something like this I would focus on someone else's identity instead of mine, as I don't feel like there's a strong connection to a particular place that shapes my identity.

Artist 4: Joseph Cornell

Form: shadowbox construction 

Content: Assembling multimedia shadowboxes, Cornell combined found objects, painted surfaces, and collages. He was a major collector of everyday ephemera, and his materials ranged from marbles and toys to maps and seashells.

Process: These shadow boxes consist of found objects but also carefully crafted paper figures as well. This art form emphasizes a layered look.

I love shadowboxes, and I like how Cornell showcased his collected items. There's a potential here to use found objects/personal items that represent my identity.

Artist 5: Gillian Lambert

Form: graphite drawing on paper 

Content & Process: Artist statement- “I try to find the beauty in what is traditionally unattractive, grotesque, awkward, or bizarre, I work primarily with self-portraits, but try to make them less personal by removing body parts and disguising others. I think there is a lot that can be learned from fragmenting and objectifying the human figure and face, and a lot that can be learned from witnessing the final product.”

Figure drawing is a very obvious/literal way to represent a sense of self & identity, I'm hoping to maybe draw a full-body self-portrait that leans into Lambert's style. I like how she emphasizes characteristics that can be described as unattractive or grotesque, which is what I would want to focus on if I were to make a figure drawing of myself.

[fullscoreshenanigans]

WHERE are you reading the light novels ohmigoodness

In addition to sound dramas and links I mentioned in this post, @1000sunnygo has graciously compiled what I believe is the most extensive master list of TPN material in the English-speaking fandom: https://1000sunnygo.blogspot.com/2021/10/the-promised-neverland-masterlist.html

Love the symmetry of these covers.

I already touched on what can be found in A Letter from Norman, and Sunny already outlined what can be found in the fourth one, so I’ll just briefly go over the second and even more briefly touch on the third since I haven’t read it in its entirety yet. (gotta savor the content 👌😩)

☆ The second light novel, Moms’ Song of Remembrance, released in January 2019, is split into two stories:

1. “The Starry Sky and Leslie’s List” (translated by c72684 here)

Isabella remembers helping Leslie with a list of goals he set out to accomplish before leaving Grace Field two days before he’s shipped out. It’s book-ended by segments set on January 15, 2046, where Isabella briefly chats with Phil, reflects on her relationship with Ray, and finds new purpose now that her children have proven she was wrong about escape being impossible.

(It’s roughly 52 pages in Word at 12 point Times New Roman font single spaced if one is wondering about the time commitment.)

2. “Searching for the Skies of Freedom” (translated by @standreamy​ and 14thNeah; many thanks!) (It’s roughly 64 pages in Word using the aforementioned standard)

This was eventually turned into chapter 181.2 that features Krone during her first month of training to be a sister candidate where she reunites with her elder sister Cecile. The gist of the story is kept the same, however, the novel also:

Confirms sister candidates have the electronic chip surgery the day they arrive at HQ.

Expands upon the training sister candidates go through, specifically incorporating scenes of self-defense training and one on medical training. It’s also noted that cooking is not a priority for sisters during their first regiment of training; that’s only if they retrain to become one of the kitchen staff, which is one path of retraining they can take in the event they can’t secure a sister position at one of the plants. Others are teachers, child caretakers, and doctors/surgeons. (The better to keep them stratified and make it more difficult to fight the system.)

Has more scenes between Krone and Cecile.

Briefly looks into Grandma’s thoughts during the panel where she holds the embroidery with the map of HQ on it as a trophy.

Briefly features the scene in chapter 23/S1e07 where Smee gives Krone the Minerva pen.

☆ The third light novel, Records of Comrades, released in October 2020, is split into a prologue and three stories:

1. “Two Paths”: A story about Yugo and Lucas’ time at Glory Bell. 2. “Two Wills”: The story of Nigel and Gillian’s first few days at Goldy Pond. Nigel’s sister, Lala, and Gillian’s sister, Emilia, who are both briefly shown in chapter 77 are featured in here.

3. “Two Destinies”: The story of how Sonju and Mujika first met. Legravalima, Leuvis, and Yverk also appear in here.

(The document I have is 133 pages in Word at 14 point Verdana font single spaced.)

[rosabuchanan]

Inspiration

My inspiration for my film has been an accumulation of TikTok trends, movie tropes and feminist agendas. Below I have listed specific forms of media that I researched for this task.

CoreCore Videos

CoreCore is a term that the urban dictionary describes as "kind of a deconstructed art. Basically evoking emotion out of a series of (visual) clips that you develop your own meaning to. CoreCore content is introspective". I found this style of "visual poetry" to be very evocative thus, I wanted to replicate it in the way I edited my film.

Manic Pixie Dream Girl Trope and Feminine Rage

The manic pixie dream girl trope was the initial inspiration for this film. Although it is a dying trope in cinema, its detriments live on in society with the assistance of the patriarchal expectations of women. I wanted to show the implications of the MPDG ideal in how women are treated in relationships as well as focus on mania and how men want a wild fun girl yet are taken back once she shows real emotion. The MPDG trope highlights the dehumanisation of women in relationships as they are seen as an accessory to better their men.

Movie scenes used for MPDG: Garden State, 500 Days of Summer, Paper Towns, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Ruby Sparks

This leads to the defiance against this trope, specifically seen in contemporary cinema, feminine rage. I employed scenes of feminine rage in films to represent the "breaking point" of a woman. Or in other words, the point where she transitions in the eyes of a man from an accessory to a human being with complex emotions.

Movie scenes used for Feminine Rage: Midsommar, I, Tonya, Euphoria, Gone Girl, Promising Young Woman, Pearl, Jennifer's Body, You

Feminist Agenda

For this film i used two poems which i felt encapsulate the meaning of my film and highlight its relevance to society and feminism.

[lekendall]

Audio version of this chapter and a lot more chapters available on my website.

Tamika Wood's Birthday Party

Chapter Two: Before

1 2 3 4 5

Alan Sebastian

I don’t remember meeting Scott. I suppose I must have done at some point. I didn’t remember him being there when I’d started in year seven but he was there now. I think he must have started at the start of year 10 that year. He was in most of the same classes as me. I didn’t share many classes with Michelle which was a little odd because it wasn’t a very large school.

I’m not a very social person. I didn’t feel the need to make friends at school. Michelle hadn’t had time for me at school since we’d gone to high school but she seemed happy enough to hang out with me at home and I had my imagination to keep me company at any time she wasn’t available. I spent a lot of time worrying about whether I was in the right place at the right time and had done all of the expected reading and homework. And very little time thinking about what other people thought of me.

I knew I was odd. Enough people had told me that. I knew I sometimes made people uncomfortable with my way of speaking and the way I didn’t look at people’s eyes.

Michelle had tried to coach me for a while. Told me to look at people’s eyeballs. Told me when to smile and what to say. But then people told me that the way I looked too much at people’s eyes was creepy and I decided the whole thing was pointless.

I was much happier when I just tried not to care what people thought. So I mostly tried to leave other people alone and they left me alone.

At some point, probably around March or April, Scott started to talk to me a lot. It took me a while to notice it because he generally just talked a lot to anyone that was nearby. I’d noticed that I’d been the closest person nearby fairly often before I considered the idea that he might be seeking me out specifically.

I did not know what to do with that.

“How do you know if someone wants to be your friend?” I’d asked my mother and sister at the dinner table one day.

They both looked at me, shocked. Looking back, now, I wonder if it was the question specifically or just that I had asked it. I was usually pretty content to listen to them talking and supply answers only if I was asked something.

It’d probably surprise people if they learned I often tried not to talk. I’d often enough tried when I was a child to engage with someone else by listing names of things or explaining how something worked that was interesting to me. I’d been informed that these subjects were extremely boring and I wasn’t sure how to talk about the things that others deemed ‘interesting’. So I just stopped doing it, I suppose.

It was easier with Michelle. We’ve had our own secret language since we were little kids. You can’t bore someone to tears in Bibby language. There aren’t enough words.

“Is there someone at school who you think wants to be your friend, Alan Sebastian?” asked Gillian. She looked and sounded concerned.

“Who is it?” asked Michelle sharply, “a boy or a girl?”. She seemed defensive.

People often assume I have more trouble reading people’s emotions than I do. It’s not that I can’t tell what other people are feeling. It’s that I get confused when it doesn’t match what they are saying or seem related in any way to what I said. It feels safer just to ignore it and go with what people say.

Treat people how you would want to be treated is the golden rule, after all. People often assume I’m thinking or feeling something wildly different to what I actually am. They claim they ‘know what I meant’ when they didn’t. I wish other people would just listen to the words I actually say instead of what they think they heard. So that’s what I try and do.

“Yes,” I said to Gillian, “A boy,” I told Michelle.

“Who is it and why do you think he wants to be friends with you?” asked Michelle.

“It’s Scott Maher and I don’t know,” I replied, “I don’t really understand why anyone would want to be friends with me. He has lots of other friends. Everyone likes him. So I don’t know why he would want to be friends with me. It’s a bit confusing.”

They looked at each other.

“Does he ask anything from you? Does he want you to give him anything?” Asked Gillian.

“No,” I said.

They were quiet.

“You both seem worried,” I said, “I don’t understand why.”

“I just don’t want anyone to take advantage of you, sweetheart,” said Gillian. I don’t like it when she calls me that. My name is Alan Sebastian and it’s confusing to me because she also calls Michelle ‘sweetheart’ and there is a potential ambiguity there which makes me uncomfortable.

“Remember when you used to give your toy cars to Alexander in primary school? Until I punched him in the face.” Michelle smirked.

That made sense. There isn’t any reason anyone would want to be my friend so if someone wants to spend time with me it might be just because I have something that they want and think that I might give it to them. But I stopped giving people things just because they asked a long time ago. I didn’t want Michelle to punch anyone else in the face.

“I don’t think he wants anything from me,” I told them, “He just sits next to me in class sometimes and talks to me. He talks a lot. He doesn’t seem to expect me to say much or anything. But sometimes I do and he says I am a good listener. He does call me ‘Al’ though which isn’t my name and I don’t like it.”

“Maybe he just wants to be your friend,” said Gillian. Which is what I’d said at first and then she’d tried to argue against it and now was arguing with me again from the other side. It was very confusing.

“Do you want to be his friend?” asked Michelle.

“I don’t know.” I had said.

I didn’t really know what to do with the idea that he (maybe) wanted to be my friend. And it wasn’t until I did want him to be my friend that I realised that up until that point I actually had not.

We were in the library, because I often went there at lunch time to do homework so that I didn’t have to worry about it when I was actually at home. I used to worry that it might not be right to do homework at school because it’s called homework. But as it turns out that’s just what it is called and it doesn’t matter whether you do it at home or somewhere else.

I was getting frustrated because I couldn’t get the correct answer to one of my maths problems. It made me angry which made me feel like I might cry which made me angrier at myself. My hands were shaking.

“Hey Al,” said Scott, “What’s wrong?”

“Alan Sebastian,” I said.

Sometimes people ask “what’s wrong” and they mean “calm down, you’re making a big deal out of nothing,” but Scott didn’t seem put out by my distress and confidently told me that that the book was wrong.

Scott was confident a lot of the time. Or acted so. He spoke with authority on many topics. But Maths was one subject we didn’t take together. Maths was streamed at our school, according to ability. I was in the highest stream and he was in one of the lower ones. He didn’t even look at my working. Just the question and the given answer. He told me what the answer should be and it was the same as mine. He didn’t even think about it. Didn’t write anything down.

But the next day in class the teacher informed us that the answer to that problem in the book was wrong. My answer had been correct after all.

“How did you know the answer to that question?” I asked him later.

“I don’t know.” He said, “I mean that’s not true I do know I just… I don’t know how to explain. I’m not good at maths. I don’t know how to do all of the working part and I skip too many steps and guess the answer.”

I watched him do his maths homework after that. I’d told him if he wanted to hang out with me while I did my homework in the library then he should do his too. He told me that was a good idea and that he might actually turn some of his homework in that way. He started coming over to my house even. I’d do my homework and he’d start his and try and do it but end up getting up and walking around touching everything.

I’d always been so stressed about school work. About doing it and getting it in on time. It was astonishing to me that he could just… not do it. And nothing terrible had happened. He hadn’t got detention or been expelled or gotten into trouble. Not that I’d imagined the consequences for not turning in homework should be so very dire: I’d never got that far. The prospect of not doing a thing I knew I was supposed to do was too terrifying in and of itself.

And I watched him. He’d quickly write all the answers down first and then go back and try and fill in the working. Get distracted. Miss questions. Spill his water bottle on the paper. Knock everything onto the floor. Lose it entirely or forget to turn it in.

And I thought… if he only had to do that first part. Writing all the answers down. He’d probably get full marks.

“How do you do that?” I asked him. “Know what all the answers are?”

“I’m just guessing.” He said.

“You’re not though. You’ve got all the answers right.”

“Like when you know the answer but can’t explain why. I was always told off for guessing. You’re supposed to do all the steps in between and I hate it because it’s so boring.”

“I don’t think you know what the word ‘guess’ means,” I said.

“Yes I do!” he laughed.

“A guess is when you don’t know the answer and you make it up. Guess the answer to um… 53 x 47”

“2491” he said.

“What’s the square root of what you just said?”

“Like… almost fifty.” He said.

“That’s not guessing. And it’s also kind of terrifying.” I said. I had goosebumps.

“I know I can do that with bigger numbers than other people but like… if I asked you to guess the answer to 2 + 2 you just know it. Without having to write it down.”

“That’s not what the word ‘guess’ means though”

“It means something different in maths than in other things,” he said. And normally he was the one who confidently told me things and it made my heart race to tell him he was wrong about something. But I showed him in the dictionary and he couldn’t supply any evidence for his assertion and eventually he gave up and said I must be right.

I asked him why he wasn’t in the highest math stream with me and he told me he wasn’t good at maths. He was okay at arithmetic, he conceded. But he didn’t get good marks.

He started to get better marks, after we did our homework together.

I started to keep track of Scott’s homework and assignments, where they differed from mine.

“Your essay is due on the 26th of April.” I told him, “so you should start working on it.”

“No it isn’t. It can’t be.”

“Why not?”

“Because the 26th of April is a Sunday this year,” he said.

Scott is worse at keeping track of time than I am. I keep on top of my schedule through leveraging my own anxiety. Scott is regularly astonished by the current date or time. He rarely even knows what day it is.

“What day is it today?” I asked him.

“I have no idea, Al, you’re the one that knows that,” he said.

“Alan Sebastian,” I corrected him.

Scott couldn’t concentrate on anything that bored him even slightly. But he could read a book in an hour. He’d lost library borrowing privileges because he’d lost too many library books but he’d pick up a book and read it straight through without stopping. I watched him. People would accuse him of faking reading because he was turning the pages so fast. But I knew him. He couldn’t sit still to watch a movie. He was always fidgeting and putting things in his mouth. When he read he was finally still – only his eyes flicking back and forth and his hand turning the pages.

He was interesting to me. When he was reading it was safe to look at him. The way his hair curled unevenly. Tight ringlets around his collar and softer waves around his ears. A mixture of different shades of blonde and even brown. His eyes were multicoloured too – brown and green and grey and blue and yellow. I learned the location of every freckle on his arm and rated all his smiles based on the depth of the dimples in his cheeks. He was a contradiction in so many ways and I wanted to understand all of them.

“I like your eyes.” I told him one day, without thinking to stop myself.

“They can’t even decide what colour they are,” he said.

I’d known I was attracted to him for a while. I’d noticed how good looking he was even before I’d known him much or liked him as a person.

But that moment when he held my gaze, my heart thundered in my chest and that was when I knew I loved him and I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted to kiss him and I didn’t think I would ever be able to stop.

Scott

I remember the exact moment I first met Alan Sebastian Parker. It was my first day at my new school after moving to my Dad’s place and I saw him standing slightly apart from the rest of the class with his very straight back and his head cocked slightly to the side. He was different from everyone and he didn’t even seem to mind.

I couldn’t help but mind what people thought of me. I wanted to be liked. I needed to be liked. At my old school I hadn’t been. And I was determined it would be different here.

People hadn’t liked me there. They’d asked to share my lunch and I’d happily do so. I loved to share. It gave me no joy to have something that was only mine. I wanted to enjoy other people’s enjoyment. Then they’d eat half my lunch and then laugh at me and throw the rest of my sandwich on the ground when I asked for some of theirs.

There was a girl once, I don’t remember her name. But she told me she was desperately thirsty and could she have a sip of my Popper juice box. “Just one sip” she said and she made eye contact with me as she drank the whole thing down in front of me without taking a breath.

People hadn’t liked me and I hadn’t quite known why. Until they started to call me names and I learned what those words meant and I realised… I had to make sure that wasn’t true again.

I needed to be liked. I needed to be approved of.

Alan Sebastian didn’t appear to have those worries and that was intoxicating to me. I wanted to be near him. I wanted to absorb him and become him. I was drawn to him. It’s funny because although I wanted and needed everyone else to like and approve of me I never felt like I set out to make him like me. I was happy just to be near him. He didn’t give many opinions about things, not at first. He always seemed hesitant to say whether he did or did not like something. Anything. A book. A colour. A food. So whether he did or did not like me seemed like unattainable knowledge. Therefore I didn’t really worry about it.

I liked him a lot. Too much really for my resolution to be different. To be better. To be manlier. To be cool.

I kissed a lot of people that weren’t him. Girls, obviously. In the hopes that it would help. But it didn’t really.

Being around him too much felt dangerous. Like I might end up on the wrong side of a line I didn’t want to cross. A line I didn’t want to admit was even there. But being around him also made me feel so safe. Like being in the eye of a storm and if I stayed there, with him, for long enough I might gain some sense of control.

I felt so out of control most of the time. I couldn’t restrain my impulses to do and say things I’d realise, even immediately, weren’t so wise.

You know those game shows where someone stands in a sort of dome and they blow money around and someone has to catch as much as they can before. the timer runs out? I felt like that. There was no point even attempting to keep track of anything, time, my belongings, my thoughts or feelings. Unless I was actively holding onto it it was whirling around, out of touch and out of reach. And there was only so much I could hold on to at one time.

So I kissed a lot of people. First was Dawn who I liked a lot, obviously. She was older. She

Then later there were others. Girls from school. Tiffany, Tamika and at least two girls named Jessica. And so I knew what to do. If they wanted. And it wasn’t that I wanted them so much as I wanted to be wanted.

But it never lasted. I couldn’t seem to say no to people. Or admit that I maybe wanted to. But when I’d get dumped I’d feel like my heart was being torn to shreds even if I hadn’t thought I’d liked her that much at the time. Being rejected made me hurt so much I felt like I would die from it.

I never really know what to do with my feelings. There are too many of them and they are too strong. Kissing girls didn’t help me handle my feelings for Alan Sebastian. But it gave me something to do.