#this is completely self indulgent compared to the last one

[starcrossedmusings]

Pretty Hands

Pairing: best friend!Yunho x f!reader WC: 3.2k Warnings: eventual smut, reader has a thing for Yunho's hands (who doesn't??), swearing, fingering, choking, a little bit of degradation (he compares her to a whore literally once), PRAISE so much praise, Yunho talks reader through it (you're welcome), pov is kinda all over the place just let it be, Yunho is absolutely WHIPPED for reader teehee, probably some other things that I missed (let me know)

Summary: You and Yunho have been friends for years, and you tell each other everything. He suddenly takes a much more vested interest in your love life when you can't stop mentioning your newest interest.

A/N: This is entirely self indulgent and also I just wanted to get something full posted. The Phantom fic is turning out to be much longer than I originally anticipated (and so did this one once I started writing it). Let me know what you think♡

Stepping into Yunho's apartment had always felt like coming home, and today was no exception. You take your shoes off in the tiled entryway and pad your way through the main living area, calling out to him as you walk.

"Yun? I'm here!"

His muffled response flows down from the end of the hall, "Bedroom!"

You make your way through the back hallway and enter his room, finding him exactly where you thought he would be, focused in on his computer. There's a selection of empty drink cans and snack wrappers scattered around his desk, which tells you that whatever he's currently building on Minecraft has probably occupied the majority of his day so far. He pauses the game and turns his chair to face you.

"Whats up?"

"Got bored at home and my roommate isn't even trying to muffle her pornstar moans for her new boy toy."

Yunho barks out a laugh, "Does she seriously sound--"

"Just like it Yun I can't make this shit up. I'm starting to think maybe they're recording themselves in there."

Yunho wiggles his eyebrows as he stretches his arms up and over his head, leaning back in his chair. "Well, if I ever see your living room on Pornhub I'll be sure to let you know"

You crinkle your nose. "Ew. I do NOT need to know that."

"Whatever, don't act like you haven't been talking to me for weeks about how horny you are. If I have to hear about your vibrator dying one more time I'm gonna buy you a new one myself."

"You try getting unintentionally edged three nights in a row with a full charge, it's some bullshit Yun. Besides, I'm allowed to complain about my dry spell."

Yunho scoffs, tone playful and lighthearted. "Dry spell? It's been what? Two months?"

"It's been three thank you very much." You move to sit on his bed.

"Well some of us haven't had sex in much longer."

"Oh, please, that girl that San was messing around with was all over you at his birthday party last month, don't tell me you didn't take that opportunity."

Yunho raises his eyebrows in shock, leaning forward in his chair. "Wait, really?"

"Oh my GOD Yun you are so oblivious. Yes really. She was all giggly and twirling her hair and shit. That's like...girl flirting basics."

"I am not oblivious, I am actually quite observant. I could tell you things about yourself you don't even know. I just have my sights set on someone and that someone is not her."

You shoot him an incredulous look and snort out a laugh, leaning back to lay down completely on his bed, legs dangling off the edge. "Sure Yun, whatever makes you feel better."

You hear Yunho stand from his chair and feel his weight shift onto the mattress. He appears in your vision, a challenging playful sparkle in his eyes as he peers down at you. "Okay, fine. I can tell that you're trying out a new perfume, you just went shopping because your leggings are a different brand than you usually wear, and I know that you washed your hair last night because you're wearing it all the way down today."

You do your best to ignore the way your stomach summersaults at his attention to detail about you and your routines. You roll onto your side and prop your head up on your elbow, matching his challenging gaze. "Okay Sherlock Holmes. What kind of underwear am I wearing then?"

Yunho pauses to consider before responding "a thong, probably black." You grin triumphantly and lean in just a bit closer.

"Wrong. I'm not wearing any. You lose!" You stick your tongue out playfully at him and he swats your shoulder, falling back onto his mattress.

"You set me up!"

"Face it Yun, I'm just better than you."

"Yeah yeah, whatever" Yunho pouts, voice hightening slightly from surprise. He can feel a slight redness creeping up his ears and prays his hair has grown long enough to cover it. 'I'm not wearing any.' He clears his throat. "So why go commando? You finally planning to seduce your new conquest?"

"He is not a new conquest, he doesn't even know I like him."

"He will once he knows you aren't wearing any underwear for him" Yunho jokes, smiling cheekily. You smack at his chest.

"I didn't want to do laundry last night, asshole. Get your mind out of the gutter!"

"You're one to talk" he mutters under his breath.

You sit up fully and reach for one of the pillows at the top of his bed, slamming it down on his face. "Jeong Yunho I swear to god!" On your second swing, he manages to catch the pillow with one hand and pry it from your grasp, but not before giving you an entirely unhelpful image of his long fingers gripping the plush material.

"What?? All I ever hear you talk about lately is how tall and handsome this dude is and how much his hands make you drool."

"You sound jealous."

"I'm not jealous, I'm pissed that I have to hear all about him and don't even get to know what the dude's name is."

"I told you, I'm gatekeeping this time. You run your mouth too much."

"I do not!"

"Do too."

"Ugh FINE whatever," Yunho chucks the pillow back towards you and you dodge it, leaving both pillows on one side of the headboard, "You're so agitating."

"You know you love me Yun. But just for the attitude," You adjust both pillows and shuffle your way back until you're leaned against both of them, "no pillow for you for tonights doomscrolling session."

He huffs a laugh and scoots up to meet you, pulling out his phone and settling in against the headboard.

An hour later you get up to go to the bathroom, and when you get back Yunho has stolen both of his pillows. You frown and cross your arms. "Hey, asshole, those were mine!"

"Yeah?" He taunts playfully, "Well they were mine to begin with, and my back is killing me. So deal." You roll your eyes and cross back over to the bed, crawling over the side you've been sitting on and curling yourself into Yunho's side to rest your head against his chest. You feel him tense slightly underneath you before he moves one of his arms around your shoulders to let you lay more comfortably.

"There's no way in hell I'm sitting up against that cold ass metal frame you call a headboard." You mutter as you begin scrolling. Yunho's chuckle rumbles through his chest and tickles your cheek. You both sit in silence for a while, content to scroll on your phones. Eventually, you turn to look up at him from his chest.

"I meant to ask how your new project has been going. Whatever you were building when I came in looked pretty intense." You can see the faint tinge of red trail up his ears and neck--a telltale sign that whatever you caught him building makes him embarrassed. You sit up, propping your weight on your elbow and placing a hand on his chest to shove him slightly. "Ooooo now you have to tell me what it is!"

"It's embarrassing..."

"Tell me tell me tell me tell me--"

"Okay fine, fuck. I'll tell you if you promise not to laugh--"

"I won't I swear!"

"Pinky promise?" He holds his pinky out to you, and you raise a hand from his chest. Before you can lace your pinky in his, he pulls his hand up above his head. "I'm serious, Y/N, if you laugh I'll have no choice but to tickle you to death."

He's definitely not stalling because he has to come up with a reply, because he certainly hasn't been building a treehouse for you in what he hopes will one day be a shared server. Yunho thinks to himself that he would rather die than let you find out.

You scoff, "I won't laugh...and even if I did I'm not ticklish so your threat is a moot point."

Yunho drops his hand down onto the mattress. "Bullshit."

"It's not. I don't have a ticklish bone in my body."

"Liar."

You shake your head, and Yunho takes the opportunity to gently press the pads of his fingers into the sides of your ribs. The sensation hits you almost immediately, and you feel the tight feeling in your chest as he begins tickling you. You squeal and thrash around in his grasp, trying desperately to get away from his assault.

"Yun stop it--"

"Not until you admit you're a liar!" You begin to giggle and manage to roll away from him, but Yunho is quick to follow. He swings a long leg over your hips and pins you beneath him, a single large hand trapping both of your wrists above your head while the other dances across your ribs. "Admit it," He sings out.

"Okay! Okay fine I'm a liar!" You gasp out between laughter. Yunho beams down at you and immediately stops tickling your sides, leaving you panting underneath him--

Oh fuck...you're panting underneath him.

He can almost feel the shift in the air as he stares down at you. He knows he should move, just roll off of you and make up some bullshit lie about what he was building. You like someone else, and he clearly wasn't getting out of the friend zone any time soon. He's just making a fool of himself...and yet he just can't bring himself to stop memorizing the way you look splayed out beneath his hips. Eventually he forces himself to stop staring at the way your chest rises and falls or the sliver of your tummy that's poking out from underneath your shirt that's riding up. He locks eyes with you.

Your voice comes out softer than he's ever heard you speak before. "Hey Yun?"

"Yeah?"

"You know that mystery guy I've been telling you about? The one with the pretty hands?"

A twinge of annoyance flairs in his stomach and he can't help but grumble out his reply. "Yeah?"

"I'll give you a hint. He's got me pinned to the mattress right now."

Yunho feels his heart drop deep into the pit of his stomach.

"Like...like right now he does?"

You laugh lightly. "Yeah, right now, Yun."

Yunho swallows thickly as his head starts spinning. He leans down much slower than he would have liked to, giving you plenty of time to take it back--to laugh at him and tell him you got him good. He feels like his whole body lights ablaze when you close the final gap between your lips, and suddenly he is kissing you.

In almost any circumstance that you had seen Yunho kissing someone, he was always fast-paced--hot and heavy petting in the corner of a darkened bar, dares in drunken party circles--which is why you were floored at the reverence he was kissing you with now. His mouth was steady and intense against yours, his hands roaming slowly across the expanse of your torso like he was memorizing the feel of something priceless. You gently pull your hands from his grasp and tangle them in his hair, pulling him closer and matching his intensity with your fervor. You feel his hands make their way to the lower hem of your shirt, and your skin erupts in goosebumps as you feel his fingers ghost along the sliver of skin there. He breaks the kiss and you feel his breath fan across your face as he pants. His hands gently make their way to rest just under your shirt, not quite pushing the fabric up. He locks eyes with you.

"Is this okay?"

You chuckle gently. "Yes, Yun, you can touch me. I want you to touch me." You watch his eyes darken and his hands start running up your torso, pulling your shirt up with them.

"Where do you want me to touch you, baby?"

You exhale heavily and arch your back into his touch. "Anywhere...everywhere...I don't care."

Yunho smirks and feels his ego inflate. "You don't care? Hmm..." He starts planting kisses along your jaw and down the side of your neck. Slow. Teasing. "If I remember correctly, you seemed pretty keen about having my hands in some specific places baby. Can you refresh my memory?"

The low whine that escapes your throat nearly sends him spiraling. "You know where...don't make me say it."

He does know, but there's nothing he wants to hear more right now than to hear you say it. He brings one hand up to your chest, cupping one of your boobs and squeezing gently as he continues peppering your neck with kisses. "Was it here? Or..." His hand trails back down and grips your hip possessively, "Here, maybe?" He hears you huff and feels your hand wrap around his wrist. You try to tug it up, and he chuckles softly but allows you to move his hand. He nips your earlobe and asks lowly, "Where do you need my hands baby?" He feels his cock twitch in his sweats when you wrap his fingers around your throat, guiding him to squeeze the sides gently. Your hands run down his chest and drop to your sides as he squeezes a little harder. "Fuck, look at you. So pretty with my hand around your neck."

You whine and buck your hips up, desperately looking for friction. Yunho coos as he looks down at you, wanting to have the image burned into his memory. He adjusts his position so he's sat on one side of you and brings his free hand to your thighs, squeezing the flesh there and watching the way you spread your legs for him. "Pretty girl, I need you to use your words. Spreading your legs like a whore isn't gonna get you what you want." He revels in the way you throw your head back onto the mattress and close your eyes, frustration evident already on your face.

"Need your fingers, Yun. Please."

Holy shit, he could combust right then and there. He smiles and traces his hands along the inside of your clothed thighs. "Good girl. So polite for me." He hooks his fingers in the waistband of your leggings and pulls them down and off, leaving you bare from the waist down. "Sit up for me baby. I want you between my legs."

Yunho sits on the edge of the mattress and allows you time to sit up, moving to sit in between his thighs. He hooks your legs over his, leaving you spread and completely at his mercy. A shiver runs down your spine as the pads of his fingers run across your thighs and you gasp as they brush against your core. He presses kisses into your neck and chuckles, "You're already soaking wet, what's got you all bothered hmm? I've barely touched you..." Yunho hums and teases your entrance with this middle finger. He can feel you clenching. "Do you like my hands that much baby? All it takes is a little choking and you're putty for me." He pushes two fingers inside, pumping slowly and curling back to find your sweet spot. He feels pride flare through his chest at the noise you make, a mix between a whine and a moan that eggs him on.

Your toes curl as Yunho almost immediately finds your g-spot. The pace he sets is almost perfect, and when he begins rubbing tight circles on your clit your eyes roll back into your head. The pleasure is a building wave, and it's all you can do to keep yourself remotely still as he continues pumping his thick fingers in and out. "Oh my god, Yun, please don't stop!" You clench helplessly around his fingers and let your head roll back to rest on his shoulder.

"Awe baby I'm not gonna stop. Not until I see how pretty you look cumming all over me. Will you do that for me, sweetheart?" he coos, bringing his other hand back up to your throat and squeezing lightly. "Will you cum all over my fingers? I bet you want to right? Wanna come on my fingers while I squeeze this pretty neck of yours?"

You whine and preen at his words and arch your back. Your legs begin to shake as Yunho's circling on your clit quickens pace just slightly, the thrusts of his fingers audible from the squelching between your thighs. Your breath quickens.

"My pretty girl, you're such a mess for me, aren't you? Can you hear how wet you are? All soaked for me? I bet your hands don't feel as good as mine hmm?"

You shake your head no violently, whining as he continues to talk lowly into your ear. Your orgasm builds quickly, and at this point you have no faith in your ability to speak coherently.

"No, they don't do they? I want you to show me how good my hands feel baby. Let go for me, sweetheart."

Your breath catches in your throat as you tip over the edge, and the feeling of your release washes over you. Your whole body jolts in his grasp as he continues pumping his fingers. You feel him squeeze your throat gently, just enough pressure to remind you that he's got you.

"Atta girl, look at you! Doing so good for me." You whine and buck your hips, orgasm still riding through your body. Yunho nips at your neck lightly and slows his pumping to a stop as you continue to shake. "That's it baby, just grind on them for me." The final aftershock of your orgasm finishes, and you go limp in his arms, leaning all of your weight back into his chest and breathing heavily.

Yunho pulls his fingers out and admires the mess you made on them before popping them into his mouth. He's still rock hard, and the taste of you on his fingers makes him twitch again. He'll definitely need your help with that later. He uses the hand around your neck to brush a stray hair from out of your face. "How are you feeling?"

You huff out a breathless laugh and turn your face to nuzzle into his neck. "How do you think I feel? That was...wow."

He can't help the goofy smile that crosses his face. "Oh really? Tell me more, I'd like a full report." He jokes, pulling the two of you down to snuggle on his bed. He grabs a throw blanket from your side and pulls it over the two of you and nearly melts when you curl closer to him, burying your face into his chest.

"Give me a few minutes to recover and I'll show you exactly how I'm feeling right now." Yunho rubs a hand up and down your back.

"I look forward to that."

"And then afterwards you're going to show me what you've been building."

Yunho chuckles and kisses the top of your head. No way in hell.

[imaginariumwanderer]

Mkay last post before logging off. Featuring silly pixel art I made w/ my mouse.

This chart was actually made out of pure self-indulgent a while back with no intention of being posted, I ended up scribbling(?) all over the thing. Hopefully it's readable when zoomed in.

It's "my ship in 5 minutes" but I can make it 30 if you want. WARNING: Tons of sappy yapping+pixel art download under cut.

About "tropes": The trope is called Angel-Devil shipping, oh but I don't think PV is an angel. He's more like a God for SM (at least that's my preference)… Thinking at all the possible tropes that suits them make me really wonder why some people consider Shadowvanilla a crack/pro ship. Enemies to lovers or villain/hero ships have been pretty archetypal since the day of olds. Compared to all the ships I've encountered in the past… Shadowvanilla is more or less the "slightly out of the norm" on the "problematic ships scale" <- typing this out make me feel like an old fandom veteran haha

About "how it happens": I have no idea where to put PV on that chart. He's the one who approached first, but not out of romantic intents, him falling for SM is as unexpected as can be. SM fell first and slowly, and in 'slow' I meant decades upon decades. It's inevitable, painfully so, spending all those years watching over this cookie who's so perfect in his imperfections, how could one not feel something? Of course it's not so simple, that 'something' is a horrid mixture of disgust, envy, hatred, understanding, both the need to preserve and destroy… And maybeee the tiniest crumb of affection? SM realized something around the first couple hundredth years mark, he then spends the next thousands in denial of it. No matter. Whether it's PV or the Soul jam, his birth-given rights. SM knows what he wants and he WILL get what he wants. (He's wrong on both fronts. And somewhere in the back of his mind, SM knows that. But he'll never admit it. He'll never ever admit anything. Until it's too late. In a way, the same goes for PV)

About a certain someone who's not clingy, but would die for attention: I think PV gets lonely easily. As he's hyper-aware of himself and considerate of others, appearing clingy is the last thing PV wants. So PV would put extra efforts in taking care of those around him, be it cookies, animals or the greenery in his garden. A healer is always busy, always helpful. If he's always needed by others then he would never be afraid of being alone. Ironically enough, this ended up making PV come off as a little overbearing. As of late, the only ones able to see through the facade are Hollyberry cookie and you-know-who.

Other scattered thoughts: These two are completely different yet can't be more similar, on the various sliding scales they're either stuck to one another or are flung to both ends. On another note, honestly I can't see these two doing anything domestic together, the most I can see is cooking, which is basically the same as magic in the cookie world. Anyways, are they in "love"? Are they dating? Not really, no. It's more of a a parasitic-turned-symbiotic-soulbond, a will-they-won't-they-destroy-the-world situationship (iykyk) I do enjoy relationships that's hard to put into words. Their feelings are somehow romantic, somewhat deranged and something much, much deeper.

My desire to ship these two comes from the desire to see them grow beyound their archetypes. Being with PV does give SM the chance to be horrible as can be, yeah, but I'd like to think SM does have a personality outside of being a villainous tormentor. He spends so long observing others, and now for the first time he's being seen. Now SM have met someone who can see right through him, who can glimpse into those dammed vulnerabilities of his. Being with SM does let us see PV in his darkest moments, but it's at the same time the moments where PV can shine the most, to prove SM that his ideals isn't naïveté or simple platitudes. In canon, SM+PV works well as enemies, but it is the many contradictions born when romance is added into the mix that got me shipping. They simultaneously break down and bolster one another's greatest traits. Like binary stars, they orbit around the other, so close yet so far apart, lest they collide. They could've been so perfect for each other. But not in this life, or the next, or the next...

Pixel art time! I have way too much fun w/ Smilk's many faces, his and PV's combined came to around 22 expressions. These are quick to made due to their small size (25x25 px). Zip file includes both the og and 75x75 sizes. I don't mind if any Vanilla milkshakers might use these, just please remember to read the my art terms and conditions first! (which can be found in my About)

Some disclaimer: some images may have different names. This is the first time I'm using Getuploader so sorry if something broke.

Link

[knottyforlegoshi]

legoshi in a throuple

even though i highly doubt legoshi is the type of guy to share his significant other, especially with his jealous streak, it’s fun to think about your dynamics in these throuples. 

legoshi + louis 

— out of all the couples here save the last one, this is the most likely pairing to work out. legoshi and louis are quite alike in fundamental ways, and legoshi has the patience to deal with louis' mood swings. louis on the other hand encourages legoshi to let his inner beast out at times.

— the one qualm to this pairing is that both men are incredibly stubborn. legoshi is more likely to cave and adjust his behavior, while louis struggles to not let his perfectionist tendencies and need for control push away those he cares for.

— you definitely are the odd one out since louis and legoshi have history. they also have a terrible habit of trying to keep you safe and away from their business, whilst also being incredibly uncommunicative about their motives.

— rating: 7.5/10

legoshi + riz

— legoshi does not even want to share you. he doesn't trust riz at all. doesn't want you near him. 

— the aftermath of tem’s death has left a bad taste in his mouth regarding him. and part of him is genuinely confused as to why?? you like riz?? unfortunately he turns that confusion inwards and starts to doubt why you even like him. is he just a placeholder? is it because riz is stronger, better, more in tune with his nature? self-doubt festers in this pairing.

— in a soulmate au where your soulmate is born with the same tattoo as you, legoshi is less than pleased to see that riz has the other half to his tattoo, the half that completes the picture and mirrors the one on your forearm. if he could, he would rip the damn bear’s arm off. 

— rating: 1/10

legoshi + bill

— the thing is, legoshi can’t trust bill. he knows bill likes to indulge in herbivore blood.

— but unlike riz, legoshi finds bill unlikable for a total other reason—he’s a total fuckboy. legoshi is a romantic, and the way bill has casual dalliances with other animals doesn't make any sense to him.

— bill will do things like come onto you aggressively, grope you and slap your ass in public, and it makes legoshi seethe. 

— the only way this coupling would work is if you were really into bill. legoshi will try his best to be civil (bill won’t--he loves to stir the pot), but he does prefer having separate dates. he also tries his best to erase the feline stench of him on you when possible. 

— rating: 4/10

legoshi + jack

— another great couple. jack and legoshi have natural rapport as childhood friends and fellow canines. unlike the other throuples here, where legoshi and the reader are most likely gonna have to get together first, you’re either with jack first and legoshi does a poor job of hiding his gigantic crush, or jack encourages legoshi that both of them should pursue you. 

— jack is an affable guy. whenever legoshi’s moody, he manages to pull him out of it. his positively is absolutely infectious. 

— the healthiest couple out of all of these. jack is a great grounding presence. the only thing is, legoshi once again starts comparing himself to jack and wondering if you like him better, especially if you two have more history.

— rating: 8/10

[starrluvs]

𝐋𝐈𝐍 𝐊𝐔𝐄𝐈 𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐎 + 𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆

summary: just complete thirst about the lin kuei brothers and you sitting on their face

cw: afab reader, oral (fem receiving), facesitting, established relationships, submissive/bottom tomas, (literally my religion omg), tomas cums just from eating you out :( , mdni !

wc: 1k

a/n: im ovulating and i just had to write this omg im sorry this is so self indulgent

𝐁𝐈-𝐇𝐀𝐍 | 𝐒𝐔𝐁-𝐙𝐄𝐑𝐎

being the eldest brother and grandmaster of the lin kuei, bi-han has had his fair share of experience with sexual encounters. and as much as he’s been on the receiving end of oral, he’ll only give back to a partner he deems worthy of his love and time. getting to this point with bi-han took some time, but it was sure as hell worth it.

bi-han’s cold tongue had no mercy on your quivering state as he continued to flick your clit in all sorts of motions and patterns. you were instructed to hold your orgasm because you knew bi-han loved it most when you came around his cock and milked him, but he definitely wasn’t making this easy for you.

the tips of his fingers were starting to grow frost as they dug into the flesh of your thighs and ass. despite you being on top, the cryomancer controlled your pace with the way he rocked your hips back and forth. as always, he was in control while he worked his magic. 

suddenly his actions on your clit came to a halt. you were going to let out a sigh of relief and calm yourself down for a moment, but bi-han had no intentions of letting that happen. with a loud yelp, you unexpectedly feel the cryomancer’s strength and he positions your hole directly to his tongue and your clit to the tip of nose. 

with no time for you to breathe, bi-han dives straight in and runs his tongue around your gummy walls. the feeling of his cold muscle inside of you made you squeal and jerk your hips on instinct– ultimately causing your clit to smudge against his nose, making you gasp and arch your back. 

bi-han groans and pulls your pussy deeper into his face, making you feel the vibrations course around your groin. the grip on your hips was now deadly as the cryomancer denied you of moving your hips at all. he continued to feast on you as if you were his last meal–

and maaaybe you accidentally came on the spot without his permission… (you were totally in for it now.)

𝐊𝐔𝐀𝐈 𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐍𝐆 | 𝐒𝐂𝐎𝐑𝐏𝐈𝐎𝐍

this man is a pussy eating champ. when compared to his brothers, he easily has the most skilled tongue– and that means you’re in for one hell of a treat. unlike his older brother, kuai liang’s favourite pastime is pleasuring you and that pussy of yours that he’s head over heels for. 

kuai liang’s hands reached up to fondle your breasts as he moved his tongue in and out of you repeatedly. your back was arched as your hands grabbed onto the headboard for support to hold yourself up. the obscene slurping sounds that came from kuai liang’s actions bounced off the walls and flooded your ears, only heightening your arousal. 

as he continued exploring your velvety walls, you feel the pyromancer take your nipples between his index and thumbs. you squeal at the feeling of your sensitive buds being tended to and your hands shoot down to tangle your fingers through his dark locks– which was messily undone from his usual well-kept bun while some free strands stuck to his forehead.

kuai liang moans in response to your hands gripping tightly at his hair, and you can feel the intensity growing more by each second that passes. he’s done this more than enough times with you to know when you were close. he could tell just by the way you slurred out his name. 

once telling you to let go, he grabs your hands away from his hair and intertwines his fingers with yours. his brown orbs dont break eye contact with you, and you know exactly what he’s expecting you to do–

as if you two could read each other’s minds, kuai liang sticks his tongue out and flattens it, encouraging you to chase your orgasm. and of course, you do as he wants. your hips rock (almost uncontrollably) back and forth against his warm tongue. your back arched, head rolled back… and those pornographic moans escaped your lips…kuai liang’s eyes stayed on you the entire time.

he could truly spend eternity beneath you, nose deep in your pussy.

𝐓𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐒 𝐕𝐑𝐁𝐀𝐃𝐀 | 𝐒𝐌𝐎𝐊𝐄 

the youngest of the three was most likely the least dominant compared to his brothers. most of your sexual encounters with tomas consisted of you being in charge and praising him like the good boy he was- especially if you're sitting on his face.

his head was cushioned between your thighs as your warm pussy rocked against his face– back and forth. back and forth. back and forth. your pace was under control as you kept yourself  calm and composed… which was the complete opposite of the czech assassin smothered beneath you. 

he was a complete mess under you and you loved it. his tongue was messily lapping up all your juices that were also trailing down to his chin, neck, and some that even spilled on the bridge and tip on his nose. 

tomas’ moans and whimpers were muffled by your pussy that was practically suffocating him, causing you to let out a small moan yourself before teasing him about how loud he’s being. in response, you hear him struggle to muster out an apology, but that wouldn't matter…

noticing that you were wearing nothing else but an oversized shirt from tomas’ wardrobe, you mischievously smile down at the youngest lin kuei brother. his doe grey orbs looked  up at you, trying to clear the daze in his head to figure out what you were thinking.

though, the last thing you seen was his eyes widen slightly before you push your (his) shirt over his head, denying him to see anything– trapping him completely with your pussy. all you do is continue to moan and grind his face, telling him how good he was for still pleasuring you. 

while striving to snap that coil in your stomach, you completely stop your motions as tomas lets out an obscene, muffled whimper. you feel something from behind splat on your lower back and ass. looking back to see what happened, you couldnt help but giggle–

tomas was panting heavily from the way his chest heaved up and down, and his seed was spilled all over his stomach, which also landed on you… he truly was the cutest.

[palskippah]

Hi! There are role swap AUs of them already and I love them so much, so I tried making my own too! You should know that this is entirely self-indulgent like anything else I draw askdaslds

There is Mareach and Bowuigi bc yes alskdklasd and a tiny bit of one-sided Luaisy that leads to nothing because Luigi's a married man 😔

I had other drawings of them, but they're not colored yet and I wanted to share the idea already sjsjs

Here's some ideas for this AU!

-Mario's the Mushroom Kingdom Princess and his parents are the King and Queen. Luigi used to be the other princess, green princess or green princess Mario (as in, his bro Mario, not his last name Mario 😔), but he married Bowser and became the Queen of the Darklands :y Everyone in there respects and remembers his name, he's built a really good reputation for himself by simply being himself, in this house we believe in the 'Luigi is the Darklands' hero' hc too. Their aunt and uncles (and cousin) rule Sarasaland.

-(King boo's a Darklands ally but still hates Queen Luigi from that one time he wiped clean his mansion when the king kidnapped Mario. Luigi's scared of ghosts still too, but Junior always reassures him he's gonna beat them up if they try scaring his mama (I drew it actually, I'm gonna color it too!))

-When the bros were 20 Bowser at first tried kidnapping Princess Mario, and Mario was ready to beat his ass but they ended up talking about ally-making and ruling a kingdom as Bowser just got crowned king. Mario advised him to listen to his advisor and other stuff and by the time Luigi caught the koopa ship, ready to bonk Bowser in the head with his comically large hammer, the princess and king made plans of starting a treaty.

>Anyways, they met often after that when Bowser went to plan the treat with the Mario King and Queen. Luigi fell for Bowser and Bowser fell harder and Mario regretted talking to Bowser and should have instead just beat him up. He's happy for his bro though. When they married and had Junior and adopted the koopalings he decided that he was very happy that he talked to Bowser. He loves how happy Luigi is.

-Princess Mario accomplishes many things and excels at almost anything he tries, and all the toads treat him as a hero as well as a princess and all, so his dad doesn't think he's a failure, but still bothers him by urging him to get married ever since he turned thirty. He often compares him to Luigi, who got married at 23 and in the present had eight kids with his husband. Mario doesn't give a shit about marrying soon, but wished his dad would stop being annoying. His mamma is a sweetheart as always and often tells her husband to leave him alone. King Mario is stubborn as hell though (his two boys got that from him), so he doesn't.

-Peach and Daisy are cousins and they were trying to start a business together, though they weren't still sure about what (you know as Princess Peach and Daisy have many businesses together in canon aksdla), but before they could settle anything they somehow fell in the pipe and Peach landed in the Mushroom Kingdom and Daisy in the Darklands.

-Bowser still steals the Super Star, but in hopes of giving Luigi the coolest anniversary gift ever, as it's their seventh and all that. He very often gives him all sort of things, like great statues, many many dresses and all the stuff that he knows Luigi loves. Being the himbo he is, he's genuinely concerned that Luigi wouldn't like something unless it is completely new and has never been gifted to him at all. Of course, Luigi would love anything he'd give him, because Bowser's gifts are always made with love. By the end of the things, Luigi tells Bowser so and calls him an idiot affectionally, and also makes him return the Super Star. (movie-like, you know, since this is somehow a retelling alksdlasd)

-Based on what I read at discord, if you're who wrote it, pls know that i love your ideas jsjs- Bowser has set up many statues of Luigi that are of a nice stone color and has gems in its eyes to glow under the lava and the sun when it's out. Imagine that one Luigi render where he's got an arm raised and the other nicely by his side and he's smiling, that's the main statue of Queen Luigi sjjds. They contrast greatly against Bowser's, that were made to make his fierceness stand out, unlike Luigi's that highlight his kindness.

-In the piano scene, Bowser is playing and singing and Luigi's laying on his stomach over the piano's surface (no idea if that's possible but humor me alkdalsd) and listens with the most besotted expression ever, resting his face on his palms. When Kamek interrupts them Luigi's not mad or anything, but Bowser really glares at the magikoopa.

-Junior finds Daisy and brings her to the castle, in hopes that his mama and papa will help her, because they're the greatest people in the whole world and they can do anything.

-Daisy and Luigi quickly become friends, making Bowser jealous of the other human, especially because Daisy from time to time looks at Luigi as if she like-liked him. Not that he thought Luigi had eyes for anyone else beside him, but it was still annoying. And Diasy, for all she annoyed him, seemed to fully respect that Luigi was happily married.

-Daisy teases Bowser mercilessly too, at first clueless that she's supposed to be terrified and respect this guy like everyone else does (maybe Junior takes her to him first, and completely forgetting Junior's initial rambling about his family, she doesn't realize Bowser's the king, but when she meets Luigi, she sees his crown and fancy clothes and immediately knows she gotta be respectful to this guy. She doesn't know how royals are in this lava world, after all), but she keeps doing it, knowing the koopa king may look terrifying but he's mostly bark and no bite.

-DK and Mario are friends and they often meet up to beat the shit out of the other, or sparring as it's called, I think. The first time they did it, Mario got the cat power up and destroyed DK in front of the kong king and other kongs, and since then Cranky doesn't dislike Mario so much, and the others respect him greatly too.

-Mareach,,, they look at eachother and sparkles are in there too. Peach doesn't brutally throw Mario to the ground or anything, but he loses his breath anyways because of her beauty. Also, Mario's type is beautiful tall women (and tall idiot men, maybe his dad suggests DK as a husband and Mario's like ew dad, we're just friends. Or maybe... Donkareach... I like the fics that has them, but idk for this).

-Toad as a wingman, he doesn't care how obvious he is, he's gonna make Princess Mario and his new friend Peach be together, because they clearly like-like the other.

That's all I got for now askdalsd thanks if you read my ramblings, sorry if there's mistakes in writing.

I'm gonna color the stuff I got left and maybe draw more, but knowing myself I dunno if I will anytime soon 😔 Also I go back to college the next week sadly sjsjd

Got any thoughts on the AU? Tell cuz I'd love to know c:< but only if it's nice thoughts, I'm sensitive akdalsd

[lokisprettygirl]

Come As You Are (Eric Draven! Bill Skarsgard's Version x Female Reader) (18+) (Slight Au)

Read chapter 6 here // Series Masterlist

Chapter 7

Summary : You can't help but obsess over Eric's past relationship with Melody.

Warning: 18+, Smut, more smut, dirty sexual thoughts, Description of self harm, dry humping, Eric is a past drug addict with suicidal tendencies, self harm, use of cuss words, description of claustrophobia, reader is in her early thirties, mention of sexual assault, death and murder, Consumption of alcohol and weed, periods

“Baby? Hi..Good morning. Miss you already and you're still next to me as we speak. Have to take off. Don't want you to worry. I'll come back sooner today. Call me whenever you need me. Enjoy your Sunday. Love, Eric :)

And oh..drew you last night after you slept, hope you like it. Kisses”

You smiled as you read the note before you slumped down into the pillow again. There was a sketch of you under the note, your hair a mess as you slept on his torso, using him like a pillow. He had the sweetest way of reminding you that he cared about you, he didn't often use his words. Didn't really have to.

It's been a week since you two had been together now, last week has been eventful to say the least. When Eric said he wanted to take things slow, he meant it, after that night he wasn't indulging you both with dry humping sesh, three nights ago he almost lost control, he wanted to fuck you and even though you said you were ready for it, he didn't think you were ready for it and whatever he said to you was the law, you just nodded your head like the good girl you wanted to be for him and agreed.

You were a grown woman but as soon as he had you in his arms and you saw those big green eyes looking at you, every inch of you crumbled under his gaze and you just wanted to be his baby.

You immediately grabbed your phone and typed a message for him.

“Miss you. Love you. Be safe. Come back soon. That's all ❤️”

You weren't blind to the fact that you were starting to write like him too.

As you sat up in bed you couldn't help but open his instagram profile again. This has been a thing with you in the past week. You wanted to stop but you couldn't.

This is what you really couldn't stop yourself from doing ever since you had found his profile that night.

He seemed so..happy in those pictures, all he had on his profile was a few pictures of him, one with this guy that you assumed was his dead friend Chance, and then most of them had her. Melody. Melody Banks, the famous singer.

How did they even meet? You checked the date on those photos and they were old, she wasn't even famous back then, he stopped posting suddenly like six years ago.

You remembered your birthday party and how he had left as soon as a song of hers played and it made complete sense now. He had a history with her but what kind?

Were they in a serious relationship? It didn't seem like a casual one at all, his captions for her were so sweet, he called her his melody, the love of his life and what not. But then what happened between them? Why weren't they together anymore? Was she one of the reasons he was so reclusive now? Or was she THE REASON?

You had plenty of questions but none of the answers unfortunately and you didn't want to ask him either because you knew he'd take this the wrong way and would probably try to push you away again, he had told you to not snoop into his past life but curiosity had killed you.

You were also very jealous of this woman now, a week ago you didn't really care if she even existed or not. A part of you wanted to go back to that state.

In the longer scheme of things 6 years weren't much but how come he looked exactly the same as he did now? His username was EricDraven90, you figured 90 was his birth year, so he was thirty five like he had told you but you didn't look the same as you did when you were 26 as compared to now, there were changes or maybe you were overthinking and it was the grainy quality of those photos that made him look that way.

He really needed a new hairstyle though, you thought.

Perhaps you needed to cut back on the obsession you had with his ex but you couldn't. When you looked her up you found out that she had struggled with drug addiction, just like Eric. Maybe that's how they met each other? You watched her interviews and she never mentioned knowing any Eric and that bothered you. Did they end up on bad terms? Whose fault was it?

You even typed their names together but nothing came up, his profile didn't have much following so you weren't surprised that her fans hadn't picked up on this.

She had been dating some famous actor now and you wondered how Eric felt about it or if he felt anything at all.

****

Eric was in the middle of slicing someone's throat when the stupid phone buzzed in his pocket, his mouth curved into a small smile as he knew the only person who could message him was you.

“Now stay like that until you bleed out slowly..maybe I'll see you in hell someday” he said as he got up, he felt no mercy for the monster beneath him, this ugly fucker had been trafficking children and dealing in child pornography for years now.

The horrors Eric was accustomed to would make anyone run for the asylum but he was used to it now, he had become a monster himself, just because he hurt bad people that didn't mean he wasn't committing a crime against nature by taking lives, but then the gods wanted him to play the god on earth so who he was to defy them?

He had no other purpose in life anymore, he had given up on the possibility of living a normal life long back but then you turned up and flipped it upside down.

He couldn't believe it still, every day he woke up now he just stared at your warm body being so close to him and he couldn't believe his luck. After Melody he didn't think he'd ever have a woman in his life again, he didn't want it either, at least that way he wasn't putting anyone in danger but you had broken all the walls he had put up around him with your incessant personality.

He could have pushed you away harder if he wanted to, he was definitely capable of such cruelty but he didn't want to, he couldn't go on forever knowing he had hurt you deliberately.

If you wanted to care for a moron like him he wouldn't stop you, he just dreaded to see the day you'd have enough of him and would turn your back on him because eventually he'd become too much to handle.

The constant nightmares, the usual run-ins with the law, the new enemies that he made everyday, the truth about Melody, his own death, his immortality, all of that made him so unlovable he wouldn't even be surprised if one morning you'd wake up and lose all the feelings you carried for him now but if he was doomed to suffer for eternity he might as well cherish these moments you were willing to spend with him.

He knew it would crush him when you'd get so sick of being around him but he hoped he wouldn't have to see that day anytime soon.

There was a water tap outside the illicit building so he managed to get rid of as much blood as he could from his face, especially when he knew you'd run to greet him as soon as you hear the loud thrumming noise of the elevator.

After cleaning himself up he took out his phone and read the message and it made him smile. He was excited to spend the day with you since you'd both be home now.

As expected the moment he reached the eleventh floor, he found you standing at the other side of the elevator like a puppy with your legs crossed and arms behind your back.

“What are you hiding?” He asked as he opened the grill so you shook your head.

“Nothing” you mumbled before you jumped into his arms to kiss him so he picked you up effortlessly, your legs wrapped around his waist as he carried you to your apartment.

As you kissed his forehead, he rejoiced the lingerie touch of your lips before he put you down on the couch and leaned down to kiss you.

“Let me shower then I'm all yours for today” he said to you so you nodded.

“Mmm okay”

As he stepped into the bathroom you made your way into the kitchen to make tea for him, he had been staying at your place alot, he found it homely. His words.

To make his life easier you had laundered the clothes he left at your place so he'd not have to go back to his apartment to grab his clothes.

He came out of your bedroom wearing his pants but his t-shirt was still in his hands.

“Did you wash them?” He said as he took a whiff of the fabric “smells fresh” you nodded in response so he shook his head before he put them on.

“You don't have to baby” he said as he placed his palms on the other side of the counter.. facing you.

He had a hard time being taken care of and you didn't blame him, he had been alone for so long, he was hyper independent and probably didn't want to get used to this.

“Just let me take care of you okay?” you said softly as you poured the tea in a cup so he smiled. God he had the cutest smile you had ever seen in your life.

“Want to help me workout?” he asked out of nowhere so you chuckled.

“Absolutely”

A few minutes later he was on the floor and he asked you to get on top of him..

“I thought you wanted to work out in a more traditional way” he chuckled as you said that.

“I definitely am..hold onto my wrists” you chuckled before you grabbed his wrists “legs straight out okay..don't drop them..keep your core braced” He said as he wrapped his big hands around your waist and lifted you up. A gasp escaped your lips as you found yourself levitating suddenly.

“You’re doing it like I weigh nothing” you said, making him chuckle, after what felt like forever he laid you back down on him so you got on your knees and caressed his temple before you kissed him softly. Immortality came with its perks like super strength and regeneration.

“Your core is very strong..good job” he praised you.

“Oh you should take my core for a ride” you answered him immediately and that made him laugh again.

“You have no respect for my gentlemanly behaviour with you, do you?”

“Its not my fault you're so hot”

His face flushed at the compliment, sure he had been called hot before but hearing it from the girl he adored so much made him feel very bashful.

He cupped your cheeks and pulled you closer to kiss you, his tongue slipped into your mouth for a moment, he just needed a taste of you to keep himself grounded. To remind himself that he was holding onto something precious and rare in this moment.

As he pulled away he tapped his palm over your cheek.

“Help me do pushups now”

And you did.

You sat on his back while he pumped those muscles, though you'd have preferred to stay underneath him while he did them.

The words were on the tip of your tongue, the questions and curiosity you had regarding Melody was eating you up more and more everyday. You couldn't stop staring at those pictures, he looked so happy, so completely in love. Did he even feel with you half of what he felt for her? Did he even look at you the same way? And worst of all you wondered if he still had feelings for her.

Later that night he at last had a nightmare again, he didn't want to have them in front of you, didn't want to appear so weak but it was bound to happen sooner or later.

Your eyes opened when he struggled and moaned in pain next to you.

“Eric?” You called out his name as you placed your palm on his shoulder, he was drenched in sweat, his fist clutching onto the sheets as he shook and mumbled something you couldn't really figure out.

“Baby?” You whispered again as you gently turned him on his back, that's when he opened his eyes, his body suddenly went limp, he couldn't move at all, his eyes rolled back and eyelids fluttered incessantly, that's when you realised that he was having a sleep paralysis.

You had them too at times so you knew, you leaned down and cupped his cheeks to make him look at you.

“You're safe, you're okay baby, just a nightmare okay?” You whispered softly, his eyes welled up as he looked at you, you pecked on his lips, your thumbs brushed over his cheeks, a moment later he breathed in deeply as his muscles awakened and finally got in sync with his brain. .

“There you go..you're safe baby.. i love you” as his tears rolled down you wiped them before they'd reach his ears, he immediately wrapped his arms around your waist to hold you.

Turning on your side you pulled him into your chest to comfort him.

In the past six years he had suffered through them alone so when he felt your comforting embrace he felt as if he was having an out of body experience, it felt surreal to have you next to him right now, he couldn't believe how sweet and gentle you were being to him at the moment.

Melody. She loved him, she comforted him at times too, but not like this. It was never like this. He didn't want to compare her with you, that was cruel, it wasn't fair to her, she loved his pathetic self in her own ways and that was more than he had ever had in life but you? The way you treated him, it made him feel as if he was worthy of all this love, even if that feeling lasted merely for a second, he felt worthy of it

“I'm sorry i woke you up darling” his voice came out all muffled as he was squished in your chest.

“I'll make you truly sorry if you ever say sorry to me after a nightmare ever again” your words were threatening but the voice was as tender as he was used to.

He wasn't able to go back to sleep after that, he couldn't.

“Talk to me” you mumbled as he turned on his back and stared up at the ceiling.

“I'm ruining your bedsheet, i should take a shower” he said as he looked at his body drenched in sweat but before he could get up and put that plan in motion you held onto his arm.

“You're not going anywhere okay?” he let out a chuckle at the tone of your voice.

“You're so bossy” he said as he turned his head to look at you so you placed your hand on his cheek and lifted your head up to kiss him before you climbed on top of him.

Placing your palms on either side of his head you stared at him so he gave you a small smile. He then placed his hands on your waist, fingers gently grazed over the exposed section of your lower back between your tank top and pyjamas.

“I don't want to talk about it” he said finally so you sighed.

“Mmm okay..what do you want to do?”

“I want you to sleep baby, you have to work tomorrow” he answered honestly, he despised waking you up like this.

“I'm too charged to go back to sleep” you said to him and his brows quirked up in response.

“Mmmhm?”

“Do you want me to suck your cock?”

“Jesus christ baby-” His brain short circuited at the words, he had been trying to stay in control for your sake but you were making it very difficult these days. He tried to keep his expressions neutral but his grip on your waist tightened, his voice a strangled rasp "You can't just say such things”

“I can..I find myself saying things I never thought I would. I should warn you though.. I'll suck at sucking it..i have never done it before”

He tried his hardest to not moan like a desperate whore but his eyes darkened just thinking about you doing that to him, his brain already fueling the image in his head.

“You don't have to babe”

“I want to”

You leaned down to kiss him before your lips trailed down from his jawline to his sternum, you left open mouthed kisses over his damped skin, tracing his tattoos with your tongue, tasting the salt from his skin.

God you felt like a whore for him, he made you want to do things guys had begged for before, begged and were denied, you never wanted to suck a man's cock before, it didn't arouse you, but this man beneath you? He didn't even have to ask for it, you were willing and desperate.

His mind was a storm of thoughts as he felt your lips on his skin, he was trying to remain in control but it was too much.

His chest rose up and down as you trailed your lips but when he felt your tongue on his skin, he finally let out the strangled moan he had been stifling.

As you reached the edge of his sweatpants you sat up and stared at his bulge so he propped himself up on his elbows.

“You don't have to do anything you're not ready for..we have all the time in the world baby” he said softly so you sighed. Men had tried to force you into this before and here he was asking you to not do it when you had already shown him how desperate you were for him.

“We do?” You asked him as you placed your hand on his cock, his breath hitched at the touch but he composed himself.

“You got me as long as you want me”

“Mmmhm? What if I want forever?”

You asked him, ever since you had seen those pictures and realised how happy he seemed in them, you had been afraid and insecure.

A part of you feared that if she ever comes back in his life and wants him back he'd leave you immediately. She was everything you were not or could ever dream of being.

“Too soon for you to be asking that” he said, his own insecurity was evident.

“Mmm i think you need to lie back down baby” Your hands were shaking as you pulled him out of his pants, you had never seen one before, you had never touched one before, not without the barrier of clothes at least. Sure you made out with your so called boyfriends but it never progressed because as soon as they touched you in that manner you stepped back, it didn't feel right.

You had seen porn though and his cock looked nothing like that, it seemed natural, he wasn't huge but he wasn't small either, the more you touched him the more he swelled in your palm and the more you watched him grow in your hold the more you realised that having that cock in your cunt was all you needed in life to feel sane.

You lowered down his pants and took it off completely, he aided you by pressing his hips up, you wanted him all bare for your view, wanted to gawk at those muscular thighs, you then slid down from his thighs to sit over his shin before you leaned down, the tip of his cock dribbled with precum so you rubbed your thumb over it before you sucked him in.

The loud groan from his throat was all the encouragement you needed to keep doing whatever you were doing.

His fingers curled into your hair as you sucked him deeper into your warm mouth, he never thought he'd ever see this day with you, he had planned to keep you at arm's length the moment he saw you but he had failed and how.

You were being very bold and confident for someone who had never done this before, none of you knew where this was coming from and none of you were complaining about it either.

He wanted to keep his eyes solely on you but you made it difficult, so difficult, his head rolled back every time you took him deeper into that mouth of yours.

“God you're so beautiful - I can't believe you'd let me destroy you like this”

He murmured, his voice raspy and husky. He wasn't going to last, he knew that. Well if this was your destruction you'd happily take it and revel in it.

And If this was how you planned to make him feel better after a nightmare then he wouldn't mind having them more often.

“Baby..I'm..gonna–”

The moment he felt your tongue running over his balls he crumbled down completely, a gasp escaped your mouth as his cum dribbled down and touched your lips, you didn't hesitate for a moment before licking it up from his balls to the source itself.

He tasted good, salty, creamy and savoury.

After cleaning him up with your mouth you sat up and stared at his beautifully long and large naked body splayed out on your bed, every muscle under his skin flexing and tout.

After wiping your lips you crawled up at him, he immediately had his hands wrapped around your neck as he pulled you closer to kiss those lips that had made him lose his mind just now. God those lips, he'd go to hell and back for this mouth of yours.

He wanted to return the favour but you denied, this wasn't about give and take, this wasn't transactional for you, besides pleasing him had pleased you enough, you took pride in your ability to make him cum like that, a man like him falling apart because of you was good for your ego..

You were officially sexy now.

“I'll be right back” you had to use the bathroom so he nodded but he didn't ease his hold on you until he had his fill of kisses.

He needed to go too so he sat up on the bed and waited for you to come out of the bathroom, that's when your phone buzzed on the side table so he picked it up.

“Baby.. you have a message from Dina, seems important” He yelled as he picked up your phone and opened the message. She had a drunken emergency and she needed you to go pick her up from some club because she couldn't find a cab.

“Coming right out” you yelled back so he was going to put your phone down on the table but then his fingers swiped to the left accidentally and he saw his own face staring back at him. His blood ran cold.

EricDraven90. That was the recently searched profile opened up on your Instagram. You snooped around in his messed up past when he had warned you to not do it.

🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

Note: What do you think he's going to do?

Taglist: @m-riaa @erebus-et-eigengrau @peachychyy @enchantresss97 @fandomxo00 @a-differentbrandof-beans

[seventhcallisto]

Chapter 1 — "why didn't you answer my call?"

—Deep Down.

Toc/cw; read prologue or you'll be v confused!! Touching. Nothing much except world building. Language. Heats are the omega equivalent for periods(without the bl00d). I said what I said. Heat suppressants work, they just sedate the need for a knot(#worldbuilding). Angst at the end, lots of it throughout(it gets better I swear.)

It's not a surprise when the majority of unanswered texts come from mingi. You left without warning, and to think; he thinks he was the one who sent you to the hospital. All because he simply bumped into you. You feel bad. You feel terrible. Yet you're so scared you're gonna say something and reveal what really is going on.

Your hip, ankle, shoulder, and elbow ache. Your hips for two reasons. You scratch at the bandage on your elbow.

"You want me to lie?" You mumbled into the speaker. On the other side is your manager, no, not jongsik, but the overly obsessive and pushy manager that takes care of most of the groups publicity and what can and will be said. "I don't want to lie to them, they'll figure it out" you continue, growing more upset.

"Just until your next uhm. Cycle. Then the company can break the news publicly and personally to them." Song Pilyoung. Mr. Pil. Answers, as if expecting you to say that.

It hasn't even been a day since your last heat. You're supposed to keep up with your lies and completely change demeanor and body back to your old self for a month? When you know your obvious behavior will be to coddle and preen at any affections from the alphas you so desperately missed during your heat.

Seonghwa, who knows when the slightest thing is off with you. Who can tell when you're sick based on how you act and watches you so intensely under his pretty keen eyes, even when he bites you, ever so gently, you think, compared to the aggressive chomps he does to the rest of the guys.

Yeosang, who genuinely likes to be near anything that smells like you or makes him think of you, which he shyly admitted, who ever so gently leans his head on your shoulder when he has a stressful day. Yeosang who you constantly are seen next to, brushing arms gently with.

Mingi who continously hugs and drags his long limbs across you, because you're the only member who won't complain and will put up with him, who shares his food with you, but only you because he likes the way you follow him without questioning what it is you're being fed. but it's indulgent. You like how he casts himself on you and the way he grabs your chin when he wants you to try a piece of food.

Yunho who can't help but hold your hand whenever he's next to you, because an alpha and beta can have that public privacy without being seen as dating, yet you hope he doesn't feel the quickening pulse vibrating your fingers, yunho who defends your name and includes you in any type of conversation if you're nearby.

San who, for some reason, always flirts with you the hardest, only for you to plainly respond or brush him off because you're a beta, and you tell him so - not because you know he doesn't mean what he says, right?. San who sits side by side with you and makes sure the blanket covers you when you sit at award shows, even going as far as to take his own suit jacket off and maybe cover you from prying eyes.

Wooyoung, who gatekeeps you too much when he gets the chance, who stands behind you to make sure you get up the stairs safely, and so no one peeks up at you. Who always tells you about the drama with other alphas cause he knows you don't gossip, wooyoung whos smile makes you smile, whos lips make yours want to gravitate towards them.

Jongho, who you baby yourself - but always steps up to take anything on your shoulders that seems too heavy. Even during any type of game, he'll give you the answer and never regret it. He who will share his jacket and shuffle closer when he sees you shivering. When his eyes meet yours across the room just because you assumed he was searching for something, he holds the contact until you pull away. he warms you more than the jacket he lends you whenever it seems the slightest bit cold.

Hongjoong, who lets you sleep in his bed when you have a nightmare, who people say favorites you the most. how his calming scent always drags you under and sparks fireworks within you, how you never indulged yourself to scoot closer and be wrapped up in his arms anywhere at any time whenever he looks at you. He who leaves his clothing in your room, who silents everyone immediately when he knows you have something to say.

When did you realize you felt like this? For a while, actually, you would never say that, though. Feelings are feelings, yet you'll be with these guys the rest of your life, and you don't want to ruin anything. Plus, you're just another pack member. You're genuinely sure all of those moments can be because they're protective. You highly doubt they feel the same.

"I can't promise anything" you sigh as you tell Mr. Pil. "Great, I've got a driver on his way to you already, he's picked up everything you'll need for the month."

Perfect.

You see yourself out of the idle apartment. "Bye, gorgeous!" Yuqi and shuhua wave down the hallway. Miyeon is the one to walk you down, making sure you make it out safely.

You've washed yourself of their scent as much as you can. A bag of fresh, unworn and recently bought clothes are given to you provided by miyeon after your shower. You've got to undo ever being there, so you scrub yourself free of every scent of them. A new bottle of shampoo, conditioner, body soap, and perfume is given to you. Each of the members have an assortment of things they don't use or didn't want anymore. Which is very convenient for you.

From the pile, they each pick out things beta-you would have liked. Current omega-you doesn't have the same nose beta-you had. So you have to rely on your best friends' scents and recollection to give you things you would have liked. Which is how you smell as close to as you did before. You just tweaked a bit because you gotta like at least some of your smell. The girls give in. Your new permanent scent. A smell; omega-you indulges in which you didn't before. A lingering scent of sweets and tropicals you try not to get used to under the chaotic neutral tone your old scent gave off, a love-hate feeling.

You pull the hoodie snug. Miyeons pants are a bit tight, considering she doesn't work out as much as you do. A plain black and white track suit. "This is me," you sigh as the sleek black car pulls up. Miyeon is silent, yet you wait for her to speak anyway. "You're always welcomed here, you know that, right?" She nudges your shoulder with her hand.

"I know."

"And if you need anything. Anything. you call or text." She adds. "I know." "You know we love you, new sex and all" she smiles, you laugh. "That's very reassuring, thanks, love you too." You want to hug her, but you'll know it'll undo the scent process you just spent all morning working on.

"If anyone gives you problems, tell em idles' got your back." she grins, pressing a single digit finger to your forehead. "Bye cutie pie," she ushers you off the sidewalk and towards the car.

The ride back is full of anxiety. How are you supposed to explain the reason you haven't responded to the number of messages they left? Maybe cause you were actually too busy going through a terrible, disgusting, uncomfortable heat by yourself with no relief for days on end.

You can't say that though.

"Mr. Chen, are the guys at the apartment?" You speak to the driver. He's an older omega man, one you've come to know personally. The man in the passenger seat, an alpha, doesn't seem to care when you talk to him. "No miss, they're at the stadium filming." Chen glances at you through the rear-view mirror. "Filming?" You repeat. "Yes ma'am, filming for the music video starts today.."

Right. Of course. How could you forget? You've memorized everything down to the tiniest detail in the span of two weeks before your sudden omega sex came and distracted you. But you doubt you'll be picture perfect. At least in your own eyes.

The car passes the turn to your apartment. You can see the building in the distance. "Mr Chen, are we not going to the apartment?" The man in the passenger seat sits up and turns around to look at you. His eyes hold irritation. "Listen, beta, we're going to the filming site. Yeah? Got it? Be patient. Sit back."

If you were childish enough, you would have kicked his seat. You scoff. Falling back, letting the disrespect go. You gotta let it go. Don't fist fight a random alpha with a superiority complex.

Don't do it.

As soon as chen comes to a stop at the designated location, the alpha pops open his car door. You wait for him to get between your door and his. Boom. You slam your door open on his tush.

He pulls back, glancing between you and the door. There's a flare to his nostrils. One, you know only a pissed person would showcase. And god, is it satisfying to slam the door behind you and smile like the petty person you are.

"Woops," you simply say. His pissed face urks you to stand your ground. He doesn't hesitate to walk up to you, a crazed look in his eyes. "You-"

Your name is called in the distance, and you know exactly who's calling it. Your head whips, and your heart skips a beat. Running straight towards you are the guys, emerging straight from the field to your right. They look unreal, like they popped out of a commercial.

Mingi is the first to slam into you.

"Hey, ow!" You laugh, pulling him in tighter. The alpha, whose energy dissipates, turns away as if he wasn't about to go off on you.

Mingis arms are a welcoming feeling. He twirls you around, taking on your weight like it's his own. There's a certain desperation in his tight hold. You feed into it, pulling him just as tightly by the shoulders.

"Are you okay? Why didn't you answer my calls?" He pulls away only enough to scan your face. Maybe you really shouldn't, but mingis face is picture perfect. Whatever the makeup artists have done to make him look this good, it surely is based on hard work and years of perfection. Or maybe it's just mingi.

You stutter to answer, "I'm sorry, I wasn't.. really allowed to" it's half the truth. His hands fall to your hips, silent as he takes you in. "I'm sorry," he says, pulling his lip under his teeth. He genuinely looks sorry. Your eyebrows shoot up in surprise. "Mingi! No, I'm fine, completely." You pull his hands off you, missing the smell of sea salt and jasmine. You spin around. "Fine! See? Mingi.. i-"

Another pair of arms scoop you up. Silencing whatever you were saying, it's yunho this time, smiling ear to ear. And immediately after, waiting patiently next to mingi is San, his eyes flicker behind you, but as soon as you look his way, he catches your face. "Hey," he says so simply, with that sneaky grin he always has, yet you can tell he wants to say more.

"Hi," you say simply back, pulling both Yunho and San into a tighter hug. "How was it?" San asks, his voice is so sultry, something you missed, your mind goes haywire. "What?" Your face falls. "How was being away for so long? You missed us, right?" San laughs.

"Missed you? Never," you joke, pushing them both away when you catch Jongho and Yeosang jogging over. Jongho scoops you up next. His arms are tough, obviously, from working out so much lately. You take a well needed whiff of him. Fresh florals, mahogany, charred sandalwood, and laundry invade your nostrils. His head falls over yours, pulling back to let yeosang get a hug. Yeosangs arms are lean, but his hug is soft when he pulls you close, breathing you in.

Wooyoung and Seonghwa are last. Which you find surprising. Seonghwa, who usually pulls you into a half hug- full-on, brings you in. He smells like leather, dark coffee, and vanilla cream. There's so much more, but you're pulling away before you can smell him some more. Wooyoung locks you in, tilting you on your heels back and forth. He's the smiliest of the bunch. He sets his face on your shoulder, and his hands squeeze your sides comfortably. San scoots past the two of you, popping open the trunk.

The trunk, where your bag is. Full of assortments of scent blockers, heat suppressants, and the many smells the girls gave you so you can get by for the month smelling like your old self. Panic sets in, yet you try to seem as casual as you can when you twist in wooyoungs hands. "San, I got it!" You somewhat shout. San looks up, confused, pulling the shoulder strap over his shoulder. Wooyoung still has you in the tightest embrace around your waist.

"You really want to carry your own bags?" Yunho scoffs at the idea, mingi takes the other bag next to san. One you don't even remember throwing in. "I'm a big girl. I can take my own bags," you mumble. Wooyoung laughs from just over your shoulder. His lean body presses directly into your back. He's so very warm. You try not to think about it, opting to continue struggling.

"Woo, c'mon," you slump, you're not getting to that bag. It's no use, you're too exhausted to fight against him. He laughs. "It's just one bag beta, I'm sure your big girl attitude can be put aside for now," Woo loosens his hold around your waist, patting your hip with his large palm.

Seonghwa continues for him, a certain upset tone in his voice. "You just got out of the hospital. I don't know why you're here instead of resting at home."

You gulp when San slings the backpack around. "What did the hospital give you anyways?" He chuckles. You count heads, realizing hongjoong isn't here. "Where's -" the door behind you slams.

The alpha from before storms around the driver side. Everyone stops to stare. San shares a look with seonghwa. "What's his problem?" Wooyoung whispers to you, his breath fanning your ear. You scoff silently. "Egocentric alpha." You grumble.

"Got it," he laughs, he's missed you. Pulling you away. The guys all fall behind you two.

The cold of spring is fading away. It no longer nips at your nose. Soon, summer will roll around, and filming will get exhausting more than it already is. Your clothes whip around at the slight gusts of wind. Your makeup isn't caked on for once. Thankfully, you have a new makeup artist this time. Your scent still lingers. You'd have to reapply scent blockers soon. The bottle shifts between your fingertips, twisting and pulling at the lid. You subtly rub it around your scent glands. The chatter of the guys behind you cast in the background of your attention. Hongjoong is just a little bit away. You haven't seen him since you got there. Makeup and clothing took at least an hour or two.

Even though he's right there, you miss him. Hongjoong stands by the filming aquitment, speaking with the crew. You take your time walking up, having just now realized hongjoongs hair is back to the pretty brown you know suits him.

"Joong," you call, a blanket shrugged over your exposed shoulders. His shoulder straightened at your voice; his head whipped around. "Hey!" He calls, a genuine smile lighting up his features.

Hongjoongs figure is still so welcoming. The pack leader has always had that effect on you. It takes everything in you to pull away from the hug. "We missed you," he says earnestly, his hand resting on your neck where your scent gland is. "How are you feeling?"

You sigh, "I'm feeling good," it's somewhat true, although genuinely exhausted from the entire week of being poked and provoked by doctors and annoying alphas. what really got you was your first heat.

"You should be at home, not working." He huffs, reaching up to pull the blanket over you further. "I want to work," you nod, confirming it to yourself. He chuckles. "Yeah, right"

"Take it easy, kay?" You smile. "No promises"

It's the next day when the sun begins to set. You realize you're your biggest enemy. You will never be satisfied with how you contort your body to follow steps. 4,5,6. You repeat. 4,5,6. You stare as you watch yourself perform on the monitor.

There's a tension in the air, the staff can feel it, and the guys can feel it. Everyone moves around freely around you, the guys getting ready to perform the next sequence of steps. Yet you don't care if you're the one giving that tense energy off, your feet stand firm. "One more time, please," you ask the tech crew to repeat the video. A hand falls on your shoulder. Yunho calls your name softly. "Yeah?" You respond, not paying attention to what he says.

4. 5. 6. 4.5.6.

You watch as your lines loosen. This solo shot of you is cursed. Why can't you keep your movements sharp? "Beta," yunho calls firmly. You lift your head, catching his brown eyes with your own. "You're perfect." he guides your chin when you want to turn your attention back to the monitor. "No- look, my arms -" you go to point.

Yunho roughly turns you fully towards the monitor, and his hands fall by your waist. His chest presses against your back as he bends over you, and his head leans over your shoulder. "Look," he takes the word from your mouth. Pointing at your arms as you dance around on screen. "Your arms are fine." His silver hair brushes against your cheek. "There's nothing wrong with your shot. It's perfect."

And it's not because the alpha uses his firm voice to make you listen. It's the way yunho so passionately stares at you, like he believes what he says wholeheartedly. His eyes never slip from over your shoulder, even when yours keep falling back to the monitor.

"Okay," you listen. Yunhos hands fall off you, stepping away. You miss his warmth.

You're a week into the month when suspicion arises. Seonghwa is the one that finds your unopened bottle of scent blockers. "Hey," he says, twiddling the bottle in his nimble fingers. Your eyes shoot up from your phone, watching him stand in your doorway. "Are these yours? None of us had to get a refill." it's such a normal question because seonghwa doesn't think about it. All of the guys use scent blockers to perform for concerts or events.

But you're honestly choking. "I uh- I got a new bottle last week," you gulp. Quick, excuse. Excuse!. "Oh" His eyebrows furrowed. You haven't performed in about a month since the comeback is soon. "Yeah, i - that smell thing I had going on? That's what those are for." You loosely point.

"They're supposed to help," you gulp. Please take the hook. Seonghwas eyes scan you over once again, then back at the bottle. "Are they working?" He finally says. You blank.

"I don't know, can't really tell," you mumble. "Can you?" You sit up, scooting further down your bed. Seonghwa walks into your room. His scent mixes in with the smell you've had to endure all week. "Yeah, I suppose." You can see the gears behind his eyes moving.

"You suppose?" Your eyebrows furrowed. He bites on his lip, pulling at his earring. "Mm, you smell like you usually do.. but.." he thinks about it, scanning your room. His eyes finally fall on your face, urging him to continue. "Never mind."

Seonghwa exits your room without another word. You're in silence by yourself. The suspicion makes your anxiety skyrocket. He left his shirt behind on your bed.

You take it. Why not?

Hongjoong is late coming back again from the studio. He smells stressed beyond belief, even from where you sit across the apartment. He hangs his jacket up in the hallway. And you hear the slow pattern of his feet when he walks down the hallway. Your head falls on the arm of the couch, eyes focused on the TV. Hongjoong calls your name in a whisper. You look up at his tired eyes.

"Why aren't you sleeping?" He questions you. You have half the energy to laugh quietly. "Says the one in the studio at.." You check your phone. A picture of you and the girls on the lock screen. "4 am.. why aren't you?" You set your phone back down, pulling your feet up so he can take a seat on the couch without you hogging the whole thing.

He gladly takes it with a heavy sigh. His hand falls to your ankle poking out of the blanket, and you shiver slightly at the chill of his rings. "How are you feeling?" You scoot to sit up, leaning on your hand. "It always gets hectic before a comeback," he huffs a smile, turning towards you. "How are you?" His finger brushes up your calf. "I asked first," you glance back.

He smiles, a tired one, one he always has for you. "Why were you still up?" He changes the question. You take the hint. Laying back down on your pillow that's propped up against the couch. "I wanted to wait for you," you whisper.

The silence is comfortable. Hongjoongs fingers rubbing circles on your ankle. You reach down to grasp his hand, his tired eyes blink back at you. "Lay with me?" You ask, perhaps you shouldn't. But in your sleepy state, you're bold enough to ask, scooting over to make room for him. He doesn't answer but scoots up enough to take the spot next to you. Face to face. "Nightmare?" He asks, as if giving you an excuse, his eyes bore down on yours.

He's so pretty, you think. His eyes are so soft under the darkness. You question if he's one of the prettiest guys you've ever seen, an uncommon trait for alphas. You hum, taking the lie. "Yea"

Your eyelids slink as does his, the rhythmic breathing between you two casts over like a lullaby. Eventually, his arm falls over your hip. Alice In Wonderland playing in the distance, a sound you've gotten used to as you fall into the solitude of sleep.

The next morning, the comfort of the couch is something that you want to fall back into. You want your beauty rest, but the sun keeps beating on your eyelids. You turn in the grasp of the blanket, it has a tight hold, you wiggle to get comfortable.

The fan of someone's breath hits the shell of your ear. Your eye pops up, blinking at the sun coming down on you from the window. You turn to feel the body pressed against your back. Slowly turning so you don't wake them up.

Hongjoongs face is mere centimeters away. His hair falls over his face in waves. You want to reach out and push it away, kiss his eyelids, and touch his face ever so delicately. Your head lays on his arm. Hoongjoongs hoodie rid up his forearm, the scent gland on the bend of his elbow directly in front of you. Hongjoong smells.. like a ripe pear, tahitian vanilla, the heat from the sun, and sweet spices. You nuzzle deeper into his warmth, sighing gently into his chest.

Still foggy from sleep, every second that passes, you fall further into a dream state. Hongjoongs soft and quiet breathing echos in your mind.

Pictures pass in your vision, memories you haven't yet explore dance beyond the border of your sight. You dance silently, following where you lead yourself. Through doors that open without a sound and a floor that is void, your feet patter and swirl like raindrops on water. A distant noise echos. Hands reach out for yours, an assortment of them sticking out from the void and invisible walls that surround you. But you don't reach back. Your movements flow in a rhythm. When you stop to breathe, you sink into the floor. And fall continously. Echos of your struggles and inner thoughts consume you.

You wake up with a shudder, sitting up abruptly. You pat around you, you're in your bed. Hongjoong isn't here. You hope it's not because of what you said. You hope it's not because you made things awkward. You fall back into your comforters, sighing heavily. You stare at the crack in your bedroom door, watching figures pass and go. They block out the sun. The first to stop in the twenty minutes of you staring is Jongho. He pushes your door open softly. Two solid knocks hit your door.

"Want to get some breakfast?" He leans in, jongho is already dressed and ready. You hope he was waiting for you to wake up and ask you to tag along. You smile. "Yes"

The walk is brisk, just down the street to the coffee shop you visit most often in the morning. Jongho holds the door open for you, and you thank him. The smell of coffee hits you straight on. A pleasant surprise that makes your stomach grumble. Your mask stays put on your face, as does jonghos. Your arm wraps around his, a subconscious thing on your part. He doesn't pull away.

The line isn't long. A few stand around, picking and choosing their order. Many of the seats are taken. Chatter echoes in the large shop. "The usual?" Jongho nudges you, pulling your attention from the crowded strangers. He takes the lead compared to when you always do, you don't fight him about ordering like you usually would. "You know it," you smile, although you know the mask will block it. His eyes pull up, and you can tell he's smiling back.

You're compliant to the way he orders everyone's breakfast and drinks, something jongho finds strange for your behavior but boosts his ego a bit. You tell him the rest of the orders he forgets, leaning up to whisper it in his ear. He leans down and meets you halfway, so you aren't straining your still healing ankle. His hand falls to your mid back, steadying you.

"That's it, Thank you."

You lean up against the free space in the waiting area. Propping yourself up against the cold stone wall. This area is just as busy. You know the order will be a while. Jongho takes the spot next to you. Bumping shoulders. "How's your elbow?" He touches your arm gently.

You look down at it, a distant memory compared to the week you've had. "It's fine, it wasn't that bad." You shrug it off.

"If it wasn't, why were you in the hospital for a week?"

A lump forms in your throat. You advert your eyes to anything else. "I.. they wanted to run tests." That catches him off guard. "Tests? What for?" He leans on his shoulder to face you.

"Because i.." swallow the lump, don't word vomit. Please don't word vomit.

"Because I'm a -" ding! "order for Mr. Choi Jong!" Saved by the bell. God, it's so perfectly timed. Jongho stares at you for a second longer, his eyes scan you for answers. Like he's hoping you'll continue. Your mouth is glued. When he adverts his eyes, the emotion that crosses his features is like you did something terrible. He leaves to get the order when you don't look back up at him.

What are you doing? Are you crazy? Your hand falls to your forehead, rubbing the tension away. Jongho is silent the entire walk back. He takes the load of drinks and bags by himself, a few strides ahead. When you offer to help, he pulls away. "It's fine." he simply says. You flinch at his tone.

Just two more weeks.

The second week starts rocky. You haven't talked to yunho since the monitor incident. As well as jongho still being upset at you, hongjoong, avoiding you like the plague, and seonghwa not even giving you the time of day. You don't know what you did.

Your bed feels empty, as does your heart. You toss and turn all night long. Barely able to get any sleep for hours. A knock breaks you out of your tossing and turning habit. "Come in" you turn towards the door.

Mingi stands with his pillow tightly wrapped in his arms. Although childish, you find him cute. "Hey," you push yourself to sit up. He looks shy when he shifts on his feet, rolling his palm over your doorknob. "Can I sleep in here tonight?" He asks, it's mumbled, but you make out what he's asking.

Your lips poke up into a smile. You don't answer, just scooting over to the empty spot you were just upset about. You give him your warm spot instead. He giddily falls atop your spot, snuggly placing his pillow under his head.

"I sleep better in your room," he laughs, his eyes turn into cresents, and you stare at the way his face squishes into the pillow. You gently wiggle off the glasses from his nose, setting them aside on your side table. "It's because my room isn't messy," you snicker lightly.

Mingis whispering voice is just his normal voice, just less loud. You don't mind, though. You give him space. He hardly fits in your bed, yet he says he's the most comfortable in it. You can't tell if he's saying it to make you happy.

Mingi calls your name softly in the dark. "Yeah, mingi?" You whisper back, tucking your arm under your pillow. There's a few seconds of silence. It's uncommon when mingi is around. "I'm sorry again," he says so softly. You sigh. "it wasn't you mingi, you didn't do anything to hurt me that bad.." You close your eyes, excuse.

Excuse.

"...I had to get checked out because of my weird scent change thing going on." It's not true. You're feeling sick from lying so much. He hums. "So I didn't hurt you?" You laugh lightly. "No, min, you didn't hurt me." Your eyelids close. "I would never hurt you on purpose," he slurs in tired words. Your eyebrows furrow.

"I know.." You hear him shuffle closer. He reaches to grab your hand from under the pillow. His grip is soft. Your eyes stay closed.

Is this real?

"I'm here if you ever need anything." his thumb catches yours, intertwining your fingers. You sigh softly.

The amount of lying all week weighs heavy on your shoulders, mingi, who genuinely says what he means, twists your heart between his words. You try to breathe through the sudden sting of tears welling up in your eyes.

"I know." You answer with a shaky breath. You slip your hand out of his, and your world feels as if it's crumbling. Turning on your side away from him.

Just half a week. Half.

It's getting repetitive. Filming for another episode of a variety show you don't care for currently. You just miss your bed. You miss your boys. You miss being normal. You miss not having to hide. You miss being a beta.

"Your turn!" A finger points in your direction. You blink for a few seconds, gathering your wit. "i.. what am I supposed to do?" You laugh to cover the fact you weren't paying attention. The camera shines just out of view.

To keep up with performances, the majority of the boys all yell out the instructions. You get it, just a bit. San and Yeosang are at the top of the tower, having climbed all the way up with their gear.

You have to climb the tower. "Do I have to?" You bounce on your feet anxiously, looking towards the camera. Staff buckle you into your gear, the chatter getting lost whilst you get stuck in your head. You're not a big fan of heights.

You're really not a big fan of heights. You start noticing that when you shuffle across the platform to collect a red scarf. The premise of the game is to collect your color accessories, whilst also not allowed to go back if you miss any. Whatever team gets the most accessories wins. You're on Yeosang and Sans team. Paired in three.

Your rope is tied to san, whose rope is tied to yeosang. You don't think you got the strength in your arms to keep going. You power on anyway. Slipping your hand between spray painted fake rocks and clawing your way up.

Your helmet keeps slipping down your face. Surely, it's unfair that you got a helmet that doesn't even fit you. And dangerous. But mostly unfair.

"You got this!" Sans yell encourages you. You're in a particularly tough spot. You have to reach sideways to grab a pair of red sunglasses. It's the last thing you have to grab to win.

To your left, the blue team, which consists of wooyoung, yunho, and hongjoong, yells to each other. You try to drown it out and focus on your own team.

You just gotta reach over. You wedge yourself as close as you can.

Just reach. You can hear the game hosts encouraging you on, shouts of surprise.

Your fingertips just barely scrape it, almost knocking it off the ledge it's on. You shuffle, your single hand holding onto a rock is getting sweaty. You breath cautiously, reaching out again.

It's so close.

And then you grab it.

Shouts from San and yeosang make you smile. You're proud of yourself. You go to turn back, slipping from your left foot. Oh no. You're slipping, trying to get a solid hold on the rock. You slip the sunglasses on your head, hoping to be able to get your right hand free to grab the ledge.

San and yeosang are only a few feet up, not close enough for you to reach for. You've got to maneuver yourself out of the spot you're in. You don't know if you can. You wiggle and twist your waist, stretching your right arm above you.

Your fingers wiggle to get a good grip on the jagged red rock you grabbed. You're not as muscular as you thought as you try to use your right arm to pull your full body weight further up.

You strain it so, to the point where when you finally get yourself up. You have to shake off the hurt. Just two more rocks. Two more big reaches.

Two seems to appear a lot lately.

Distant shouting of all the teams catch your attention. Wooyoung is gaining speed. He's on his last accessory, a few feet behind you. When he sees you staring, he smirks like a predator, gaining speed.

Your movements are calculated but rushed. You keep pushing the helmet back on your head. The sunglasses slip down over your eyes, somewhat blocking your view. You're sweating bullets at this point.

Yeosangs hand is a saving grace. He pulls you up by your right wrist whilst san pulls your left arm. As soon as you get up, you book it to the table you have to put the accessories on.

Your team wins. Confetti cascades around you. You cheer happily, jumping around and laughing out of breath.

How it feels to be victorious.

You look to yeosang and San. They stare, shocked.

You wipe the sweat off your brow. The sweet scent hitting your nostrils.

Oh no.

You swipe the sweat away as quickly as you can, pulling the roll on bottle out of your pocket. Hurry. You try to twist the top off. Rolling the scent onto your scent glands and over your forehead as much as you can.

It's no doubt in your mind. They smelt your real scent. They know. You don't turn to look. You don't even want to know what they're thinking. Your breathing turns shallow.

Fuck.

Your world is crashing.

This time for real.

You take the emergency stairs. Ignoring the calls of yeosang and san. Stripping the gear off of you as you go. You don't care if you're ruining the victory shot. You just gotta get out of here.

You're wondering the hallways when wooyoung finds you. Hot tears stream down your face. Why are you even crying? You don't know. Maybe you're scared this will change everything. Maybe you're scared you messed up again and ruined it.

Wooyoungs hand is a soft pull to your wrist. You yank yourself out of his grip. Pain flashes his features. He says your name gently. You continue to sob. "What? What now" you huff. Wiping your tears harshly.

"Tell me what's wrong -" "Nothing!" You painfully shout, stepping away from his distressed smell. "Nothing is wrong. Nothing is ever wrong." You laugh at your situation. Wooyoungs hand clenches in the air. His hair falls over his eyes messily. He's still in the outfit he was wearing for the game, minus the gear. It's as if he came looking straight for you.

Just for you.

Wooyoungs mouth falls open and close. You dont think about whether or not he has something to say. You don't want to even look. "Just go away, please"

Wooyoung face is painted in pain. You know he doesn't know what to do. Doesn't know how to react. "Omega, please." he whispers.

Your sobs stop. Your tear stained face whips around, and your shocked face is evidence you weren't expecting that.

His tongue pokes the inside of his cheek. "We need to talk," he sighs, allowing him to walk up. He takes your wrists in his hands gently. His thumb rubs soothing circles on your wrists.

Silently, tears stream. You don't have the energy to pull away.

You ruined everything. They know.

A/n; cliff hanger bc my phone is glitching out BAD. IM SORRY! hopefully, the two chapts will make up for it. Thanks for all the support ♡.

Taglist: @lelaleleb @bratty-tingz @0325tiny @smilefordongil @atinytinaa @unripeapple7 @ja3hwa @stopeatread (thanks for your support ♡)

[528-hotline]

ignoring safe words with matthew 🤭🤭 just asadcssf

also can i be 🍓 anon of its free?

ignoring safe words. with matthew !

warnings | dubcon, rough sex, watersports, squirting, piss, dumbification, dacryphilia, overstimulation, choking, creampie, ignoring safe words … literal filth :3

word count | 700+

a/n 💌 oh my… well you came to the right person 🫨 yes you can be 🍓anon !! i hope this isn’t too much for you cuz i’m definitely not a sane seokryu… hehe the writing in here is not due to self indulgence, really…. (lies!!) after he kept on posting hot shit even if i was gone here, i think this drabble made it clear that i’m NAWT okay. 😁 my thoughts will stop here i’m sorry hehe (^^) i hope you enjoy 🫶🏼

DARK CONTENT ahead ! read with caution (18+ only)

“look at you, my dumb pretty baby… all pathetic and stupid over my cock…”

you were all sprawled on matthew’s bed, legs hanging on his shoulders, thighs quivering from sensitivity and overstimulation. it’s already the fourth round and matthew doesn’t have intentions to stop at any second. the longer he rams into your pussy, the pleasure slowly turned into pain overtime.

“m-matt, red! red! please!” you close your thighs from the overwhelming and mixed sensations you have been feeling throughout as you try to push away his pelvis away.

“nonono baby… open your goddamn thighs…your stupid pussy wanted this, right?” he coos at you as his strong arms pries away your thighs, spreading you apart, having a complete view of your cum-drenched pussy from earlier. the sight added more fuel to the flame as he carries your thighs, bringing it to his arms, his thrusts going deeper and faster. “your pussy feels so good, can’t get enough…”

“red, matthew! please, red! ‘m gonna pee, please l-let me!” you yelped, looking away from matthew as you cried in tears, fighting the pain away as he continuously pounds your poor, overstimulated pussy.

he lets go of your thighs just to grab your jaw with one of his hands, looking at your puffy eyes, eyes all reddened from crying. as his other hand lands on your clit, pinching and rubbing the slippery, reddened bud between the pad of his calloused fingers.

you squealed at the action, pain and pleasure hiking up at the same time, making you cry out loud as tears fall down your flushed cheeks. matthew licks one of your tears away with his tongue, he then chuckled evilishly from your response. you were scared and aroused at the same time. “look at me… i’m gonna fuck this pussy till you’re too dumb to even walk, you’ll like that, right? yes, of course you fucking do…” his hand travels down to your shoulder, pushing you back into the sheets agressively and proceeds on choking your neck.

“nonono, red! please– matt, it hurts! p-please! wanna– shit!” your voice almost strained as you tried to speak before you were all out of breath. speechless, you were only able to let out soft cries, thighs shaking uncontrollably from holding your bladder and the pleasure from matthew repeatedly hammering your pussy with his cock and playing with your clit. his actions made you weaker than ever, succumbing under his control, realizing that resisting was no use because he’s too strong. comparing matthew to you, you were already used up like a ragged doll.

“your dumb pussy wants a release, hm? gonna give you what you want, yeah? you fucking cockslut…” he coos at you, shaking your head in response even if you knew it was no use on stopping him. matthew lets go of your neck and your clit, pulling your thighs even closer his cock, sinking even deeper. he knew he reached your sweet spot when you gasped and by arching your back. he smirked to himself, as he decides to thrust in to that certain spot continuously, thrusting into you in an animalistic pace. a high pitched moan came out of your mouth as you grab on to the sheets, your knuckles turning into white. your bladder was already holding on to a thread and a knot in your stomach snapped when matthew did one last sharp thrust out of you.

“fuck, fuck, fuck—! agh!” you gasped out, your back arched, your eyes rolling back, reaching your high once again. jets of piss landed all over his abs and torso as your hips quiver from releasing both your cum and piss all over him. you felt numb all over and your brain all scrambled up from the feeling of pain and pleasure altogether. matthew throws his head back, groaning, feeling his warm cum shooting inside your walls. he finally pulls out his cock, his cum flowing out of your pussy, as both of your liquids mixed, seeping into the drenched sheets.

“that’s it… piss all over me baby…” your warm piss still flowing out uncontrollably while he slaps and run his cock all over your poor pussy until you’re all emptied out.

“ngh… no more, please…!” you hiccuped, all empty and passed out. matthew hovers your spasming body, trying to recover from the overstimulation that he has caused, giving your neck with peppery kisses.

“i hear you baby, but expect to be wrecked like this all over again.”

[omenlight]

argenti being reminded of his old friend w boothills conviction.... he sees the vow for protection (in the form of vengeance), hears the crack in boothill's voice when he speaks of his family–of the innocent who were taken, and argenti is reminded of a shared loneliness from years past.

it is blasphemous to consider a nonbeliever in the same light as another knight, he knows that. beautiful boothill may be, he is still blind to the beauty's blessing– thus unaware of the threats that surround his lifestyle. completely oblivious of how the triple demon's whispers are a sweet poison that always lurk behind self-indulgence. boothill acts in ways that argenti has long known to be tempting fate. he drinks liquor during their late-night rendezvous, rants freely on all sorts of carnal pleasures, and is unafraid to show his frustration at the world's cruelty. argenti watches, awestruck yet terrified for his own sanity. if his departed master were to meet the company he kept, he'd surely assign another full month of penance for the sin.

yet... despite the oath he swore and its consequences, he remains silent on idrila during their meetings. when he is with boothill, the rosary he keeps remains the closest tie to THEIR guidance. it stays clutched between his fingers, grounding him when they speak. they exchange words in the way that he was warned out of long ago. they laugh, argenti treats him to good food, and they are so utterly alive despite the metal shells that have encased their hearts. boothill doesn't fault him when he's unaware of what to do with his own fragility, together they are human. that may be the worst part of it all.

they always depart from one another before dawn. after all, duty does not rest regardless of company. afterwards, argenti kneels in the solitary reality that is the one and only, that same rosary clutched between both hands now as he prays for penance. for a knight repenting can only do so much, he knows that, but an unsightly human side of him wishes it were different.

much like ena's dream of tranquility, the near-nightly trial of his own indulgence for boothill is nigh impossible to overcome. the dream visits him when he is alone, striking between panicked nightmares of his childhood.

he pictures them together, on a planet unscarred by war and pilaging, with hands entwined. they would watch as the sun set, and in that reality the red color of the sky was comparable to a million different things before their own blood. they share warmth, they make mistakes, and no aeon is there to take credit for their joy. he never had a childhood, not in the way boothill did, but he wishes that they could share one together.

the want chips at his vows bit by bit, much like the way his friend's scales wore down by his lance, resisting right up until the very last strike. unlike then, though, he is blind to the ending of this fantasy. if there ever is to be one.

if that dear friend was as unaware as boothill was, perhaps he would have been spared from such a fate. sin is the most potent when it is known to be such, this was one of the first of the knights' lessons. it is a selfish desire, that for boothill's ignorance– born from ghastly scales and hissing pleads. it is those memories that push him to stay silent about the oath of ascetism around boothill. argenti watches him in awe, and drowns in guilt when he is back to his own isolation. it aches, sickeningly familiar to the grief he holds for his own mortality's limits.

all he can do is pray harder that idrila will teach him to overcome this trial, and all he hopes is that boothill will never know of it.

[superectojazzmage]

Watched the Nimona movie last night. Review I guess. It was pretty damn good. Definitely would’ve probably been regarded as Blue Sky’s magnum opus if they’d gotten to release it instead of being fucked over by Disney. Very cute, very funny, very powerful in the right moments. A thing that stuck out to me is that it’s really only an adaptation in the loosest sense of the word. It takes the core premise and beats of the comic but is functionally an entirely different kind of story that does its own thing. And given that ND Stevenson was heavily involved in production, I suspect that was intentional.

The comic was much darker and more downbeat in a lot of ways, plus it was significantly longer and thus could afford to be slower paced. But more than that, it was a lot more meaty in terms of themes and scope. The whole “LGBT allegory” element was there, but it wasn’t the sole focus, the comic was a story about a lot of different things; not just an LGBT experience, but also discussion of fantasy genre tropes and clichés, criticism of other fantasy deconstructions, character study, exploring what it means to be a hero or villain, critique of the glorification of crime and cruelty in underprivileged communities, corruption in governments, peer pressure, the senseless and self-perpetuating nature of violence, the worthlessness of revenge, etc.. And above all that, it was a story about trauma and people’s responses to it, with Ballister representing people who actually deal with their problems and move on while Nimona represented people who let their mistakes and suffering and grief consume their identity, or worse, use it as an excuse to indulge their worst qualities and take out their feelings on everyone around them.

The movie, by contrast, has a much more narrow focus. The LGBT allegory is front and center and basically the entire focal point of the movie, aside from a spattering of themes about the danger of zealotry and rigid fundamentalist thinking. This gives the movie a much tighter narrative and pacing that suits its inherently shorter runtime, but also leads to a ton of changes to the story either to convey a different kind of message or just work better in a different medium. Most obviously in how Nimona is vastly more sympathetic in the movie and essentially really is the silly gremlin the comic fakes you out into thinking she is, scrapping the comic’s twist that she was a genuinely bad person who was completely serious about wanting to be a villain, caring nothing for the lives she destroyed with her behavior and idolizing Ballister because she thought he was the same as her and would thus tell her what she wanted to hear (i.e., that she was justified in killing and destroying everything around her in the name of getting even). And in the changes to the Institution’s history and nature. And all sorts of other things.

All in all, I feel if you go in comparing and contrasting the movie and the comic, arguing which changes are for the better or worse, you’ll be setting yourself up for disappointment in either direction because they’re two different beasts and it’s like comparing apples and oranges. So keep that in mind if you’re a fan of the comic watching the movie or a fan of the movie wanting to look into the comic. I think ultimately I still like the comic better, but that’s purely my personal opinion and there’s plenty that I think the movie did better.

Some other observations:

Riz Ahmed my beloved, thank you Mr. Stevenson for this perfect casting. Literally perfect for Ballister.

Acting in general was very good. You can tell this was a passion project for a lot of people, not just Stevenson.

Only two changes that are objectively bad are Ambrosius losing his awesome Van Halen hairdo and changing Ballister’s last name — Blackheart is a way cooler name than Boldheart and it’s a pointless change, one that I’d argue even hurts the narrative since it makes it too obvious that Ballister isn’t actually a bad guy.

The animation is really great with fantastic expressions, stylish movement, and wonderful aesthetics that perfectly suit the story, but there’s times where it feels a little off. But there are parts where it looks less “movie” and more “cheap mid-2000s CGI-and-Flash cartoon show from France”.

The humor can be a hit and miss, in a “going through the motions of a Hollywood animated comedy for kids” way. The movie excels when it’s either imitating the comic’s Old Internet sense of humor or going hard on the drama, but there’s bits where it seemingly slams on the brakes to do Illumination-esque Twitter humor and those bits definitely throw off the vibe.

Having an actual straight up attempted suicide in the climax was shockingly ballsy. I genuinely can’t believe they went there, but I’m glad they did because the film wouldn’t have felt nearly as raw without it.

I don’t know how they managed to make the Director even more of an asshole than in the comics, but they did.

[aristocratic-otter]

Thank you for tagging me, @monbons, @rimeswithpurple, @nausikaaa, @artsyunderstudy, @prettygoododds,

@ileadacharmedlife, @alexalexinii, @best--dress,  @j-nipper-95, @roomwithanopenfire, 

@you-remind-me-of-the-babe, and @whatevertheweather

It's been another lovely year of getting to know you all and making new friends in this amazing fandom.

Some 2024 stats from AO3:

Number of works posted: 11

Number of events participated in: 6

Number of works completed: 3

Number of words written: 156,000

Seems pretty decent, right? But compare that to 2023:

Number of works posted: 12

Number of events participated in: 7

Number of works completed: 10

Number of words written: 294,445

So, what the fuck happened that cut my productivity literally in half? (Though I worked on nearly the same amount of fics, lol. Methinks my ambition doth outstrip my ability.)

Well, that’s a story, and one that’s unfortunately too common, from what I’ve learned. If you don’t want to listen to me ramble, feel free to jump down to the monthly list, because this is going to be entirely self-indulgent. Story and Fic timeline under the cut:

Part 1: 

Sometime around the beginning of last year, I began suffering a series of muscle and joint injuries…or so I thought. I was diagnosed with so many things. Arthritis. Bursitis. Muscle Strain. I was given physical therapy. I stopped going to physical therapy when the simplest exercise my therapist gave me left me crying in pain. I was given muscle relaxants and pain meds. Nothing had any long term effect. All I knew was, my body was slowly giving up on me. 

It affected my job. I went from being a teacher who was constantly buzzing around the classroom, checking on students and giving assistance, to a teacher who seldom could manage to leave her chair. My students struggled and my classroom grew messier by the day, because I couldn’t check that the students were cleaning up, nor could I clean up after them myself. 

It affected my home life. By the time I’d get home from work, the pain and stiffness were always at a high. I’d end up rotting in a recliner all evening, every evening. My mind grew foggier, my concentration worse, and it started taking me three to four times the usual amount of time to simply prep my lesson for the next day. I had next to nothing left to spare for my family or my hobbies.

So writing? On a work night, I was lucky to write a paragraph. Real progress on my WIPs started only happening on weekends. 

Finally, near the beginning of last summer, I went to my doctor, desperate for something, anything. At that point, I was beginning to believe I’d have to take (very) early retirement and go on disability, because I couldn’t even walk around a grocery store, and I refused to have another year where I didn’t serve my students as they deserved to be served. 

I blurted out all of this to my doctor, and she frowned at me and asked me to describe where my pain was. 

Hips, spine, knees, ankles, elbows, I told her. 

Then she said the words that changed everything. “It sounds like you have Fibromyalgia.”

Part 2

Can you believe, educated as I am, especially in the sciences, I’d never heard of it? I’ve learned a lot since. Fibro mainly afflicts women, mainly affects people in their prime or slightly older. And, until recently, it was considered an unprovable disease, like chronic fatigue syndrome. There were no medical tests for it, and most victims were treated like they were imagining things. There were no medicines for it. No therapies. There was no explanation for the disparate cluster of symptoms associated with it.  As far as the medical profession was concerned, it didn’t exist. 

I’m lucky. Things started changing for Fibro patients just a few years before my diagnosis. Three years ago, two drugs were approved for it. There is now a diagnostic test for it. And there’s plenty of research outlining a causal pathway for the disease. 

Turns out, it’s a brain disease. The brain affects every part of the body, and in the case of fibro, it also affects how we perceive our bodies. Because that’s what happens in fibromyalgia: your brain misreads pain signals from the body. It’s like my pain sensitivities are always dialed up to eleven. Something that causes a twinge for a non-Fibro sufferer can cause a Fibro patient to scream in agony. 

When I went to a specialist, she told me I hit every single diagnostic criteria for Fibromyalgia. So, I got meds. I got referrals to a rheumatologist and physical therapy again. This time, the physical therapist was able to focus my work on things that were within my capabilities and were meant to improve my symptoms. My rheumatologist is testing out different meds and dosages on me to see what gets the most useful result. 

I still have Fibro. Maybe I always will, there’s disagreement on whether a cure is even possible. But the meds and therapy help manage the pain and reverse some of the brain fog. I’m able to circulate and help my students again, though I have to be cautious of overexertion, which can trigger a high-pain episode. I can interact with my family and actually do some chores and work in the evenings, though, again, I have to take it easy (I’m not good at taking it easy, it’s a learning curve). I’m writing more. Usually a page or more a night. 

My journey is hopefully back on track, and I hope to finish all of my current WIPs in the next year. But I figured that this is the one night a year that people use to reflect on the past and look forward to the future, so that’s what I’m doing. And maybe my story will help someone. If you’re struggling with any aspect of your health, I hope you find answers and help in 2025. 

Happy New Year!

My Year In Fic

January

Nothing new posted or finished. As I recall, I was mostly working on The Heart in the Well and Cupid's Shield.

February

Posted (republished after release in the Lady Ruth Charity Zine)

The Bother About Brownies (art by @hgari)

4845 Words, Rated T

Baz is tasked with creating a dessert for the triplets' school cake sale. Brownies are such an easy recipe. What could go wrong?

Lemon Blueberry Shortbread, art by @letraspal

2912 Words, Rated G

Two afternoons of learning to cook a family recipe, thirty years apart.

Posted as part of Erotic Gropefest (WIP)

Cupid’s Shield, WIP

Currently 10,122 words, Rated E

I used to think that Valentine’s Day was bollocks invented by greeting card companies.

That was before I started at Watford and learned that it was deadly serious.

March

Nothing posted (possibly some chapters of WIPs, there's no way to check). But I was definitely working on nearly all of my fics that are still WIPs and The Heart in the Well, which is finished.

April

First Posting of:

Stars, Flowers, and Children (WIP)

Currently 20,005 words, Rated E

To Simon, Baz is a stuck up brat he has to put up with in between his duties as Cabin boy on the SS Watford.

To Baz, Simon is the chavvy, illiterate savage of a boy who won't bow and scrape the way he's supposed to.

Marooned together because of a disaster at sea, they'll have to come together as allies in order to survive. But they're destined to become so much more than that.

May

More work on posting chapters of in-progress WIPs.

June

Finished final chapter of:

The Heart In The Well

14326 Words, Rated T

Carry On Reverse Bang 2023 Collaboration with @alexalexinii, 

Simon Snow should have known better than to chase after the Hobgoblin Horde. Now he's trapped at the bottom of a well with no food or water, and a vampire who's only going to get thirstier as time passes.

Baz Pitch doesn't know why the Hobgoblins abducted him from the Wavering wood. He just knows that Snow was stupid enough to get caught too, and now they're trapped together, and Baz hasn't had blood in three days...

July

First chapter posted of Carry On Big Bang Collaboration with @cutestkilla

The Rat and the River, (WIP)

Currently 10550 words, Rated E

Simon Snow is an epidemiologist working for the UKHSA He's a cocky field scientist who goes to hotspots all over the world, helping to track down the causes of the outbreaks and put an end to the cycle of death and disease.

Baz is a microbiologist, who, until now, has never left the UK. He works on Simon’s samples sent from overseas, but that’s the closest he gets to danger and excitement. He’s a reservist, meaning he’s available for deployment in the event of a large-scale event, but he’s never been called up.

Simon does his best to stir him up whenever he’s in town because he believes that Baz's life lacks excitement. One day, Simon is sent into action again, this time to South America. Down a microbiologist, Simon decides to pick Baz. In his mind, it’s to show him “the real world” but he really just wants a chance to work side by side with the reserved scientist.

Of course, in the rainforest tracking a disease of unknown origin and deadliness, that may just be spreading out of control, is maybe not the best place for a flirtation.

But when has Simon ever done things the easy way?

August

Most recent update of: 

Saving Simon Snow (WIP)

Currently 47,078 Words, Rated E

What if Simon had never gone to Baz's gothic manor over the Christmas holidays? What if the war between the old families and the Mage started while Simon confronted the Mage in the White Chapel?

The Mage is dead. The Humdrum defeated. The old families have control of Watford and the Coven. And nobody will tell Baz where Simon Snow is.

September

First month of school. Needless to say, nothing got done.

October

First Posting of

Tiktok Dancer (WIP)

Currently 11,133 words, Rated E

Snow has never known a world outside his father's realm in the ocean. Until he comes across a group of dancers performing on the beach, and finds a dream he'd never thought to have.

November

2024 Carry On Reverse Bang Entries. 

The Stoves Come On At Night, (WIP), collaboration with @ebbpettier:

Currently 4895 words, Rated M

Fresh out of a break-up, Simon is desperate for work. He takes on a caretaking job for the elderly Mordelia Grimm. It's a pretty slick gig: fully-stocked pantry, big beautiful house, nobody to bother him. Nobody around, for miles.

But at night, Simon swears that he hears footsteps in empty rooms.

He starts finding puddles of lake water, footprints, doors open when he knows he left them closed. At night, he hears the sound of wet, rattling breathing from his pitch-black doorway.

Most concerning of all, the stoves keep turning on at night, even if he switches them off and tapes down the dials.

There's something very wrong at Pitch Manor.

Baby Mine (WIP), collaboration with @argumentativeantitheticalg

Currently 3590 words, Rated M

Four years ago, Basilton Pitch teamed up with Simon Snow to solve the mystery of who murdered Baz's mother. Now, they'll need to join forces again, after an unexpected delivery is left on Baz's doorstep.

December

Most recent update of my 2023 fic for COTTA

The Snow Fox (WIP)

Currently 27,344 Words, Rated E

Simon "Snow" Salisbury is the most wanted patriot in the American Revolution. Wanted by the British army, who want to see him hanged. Wanted by the Tories, who'd shoot him on sight, given the chance.

And wanted by Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch.

I also participated in the Secret Snowflake Exchange on the Carry On Discord, but it looks like I'll be finishing that fic after midnight my time, so it'll end up being the first fic of 2025!

I'm probably the last to do this. But in case I'm not, here's tags for anyone on my tag list who didn't tag me, so anyone who wants to has a chance to do this.

@thewholelemon, @bookish-bogwitch, @chen-chen-chen-again-chen, @bazzybelle, @dragoneggos,

@erzbethluna, @palimpsessed,  @frjsti, @fatalfangirl, @melodysmash,

@moments-au-crayon22, @moodandmist,  @mostlymaudlin, @onepintobean, @raenestee,

@tea-brigade, @upuntil6am, @whogaveyoupermission, @carryonsimoncarryonbaz, @krisrix,

@shemakesmeforget, @confused-bi-queer, @nightimedreamersghost, @mooncello, @shrekgogurt,

@cosmicalart,  @theearlgreymage, @Iamamythologicalcreature, @thehoneyedhufflepuff, @facewithoutheart,

@martsonmars, @skeedelvee, @ivelovedhimthroughworse, @messofthejess, @noblecorgi,

@hushed-chorus,  @blackberrysummerblog, @cutestkilla,@letraspal, @ic3-que3n,

@emeryhall, @larkral, @youarenevertooold

[d33pwithinmys0ul]

༄*･*｡.･༄･* ･*｡.･*༄*･*｡.･༄･* ･*｡.･*༄*･

Pride and Prejudice and Titans

This is a project I've wanted to do for a while, and finally started for day 26 of Janeuary, militia! Author's note and prologue (technically chapter one) are below the cut, but the first two chapters are here on ao3!

જ⁀➴ Regency romantasy AU inspired by Pride and Prejudice, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, and Attack on Titan. Jean Kirstein x Reader, third person, semi graphic violence, use of y/n, Levihan, Aruani, she/her Hange Zoe, and soon to feature Eremika, Pokkopiku, Yumihisu, and more chapters.

See other Janeuary works reposted by @janeuary-month! See my Jane Austen blog here @aust3nland

જ⁀➴ authors note: This fanfic is a melting pot of direct lines from the Pride and Prejudice novel, references to the 2005 & 1995 adaptations, the p&p zombies novel, but mostly the p&p zombies movie- with Attack on Titan on top. I wanna make the disclaimer that this was super self indulgent fun, and though it features chunks of Austen’s writing, it’s obviously mixed with mine, and it’s not perfect, and definitely not “better,” that’s not the goal. I took certain liberties with characters in both canons to fit the idea of everything mashed together, and tried to contextualize both canons enough so that (hopefully) if someone read this with only knowledge of one fandom but not the other, they can still somewhat enjoy this. And there’s literally third person self insert, so that’s another gluttonous sin. <3

༄*･*｡.･༄･* ･*｡.･*༄*･*｡.･༄･* ･*｡.･*༄*･

Prologue

It is a truth universally acknowledged that any titan consuming human flesh must be in want of more flesh. 

Never was this truth more plain than during the attack at Maria Park in Shiganshire, in which the grand household of twenty aristocrats, children, and servants, were slaughtered and feasted upon by a horde of titans. They were brought on by a previous ambush from an exceptionally tall and menacing titan, very unlike the rest of his kind. 

Aptly named, the Coordinate Titan was observed to withhold a great degree of control and consciousness, alongside the unique ability to command armies of his “pure,” comparatively docile brethren. 

In the earliest days of the war against the titan scourge, long before the Coordinate came to be, the great country of Paradis built three walls within their borders, with very few access points, in order to keep the horde at bay. 

The outermost wall collapsed almost completely, prior to the discovery and invention of those omnidirectional mechanisms by which one could kill such beasts. It became fashionable and esteemed for young and able bodied people in and out of the militia to learn the art of navigating such gear, leaping to great heights and slaying the giants with a long blade in each hand. 

After the Coordinate titan unleashed its wrath upon many towns across Paradis, was one last attempt at isolating man, the order to destroy every connection and entrance of the walls to one another—save Fritz Bridge, now teeming with defenses, and the only remaining means of protected correspondence between the central city of Mitras and the new outer wall. 

Without warning, humanity’s most perilous discovery then vanished, and the threat of the Coordinate was no more, the circumstances of his disappearance and initial attack still unknown. 

Following the rehabilitation of society, the gentry began to leave the safe confines of the Interior, in favor of newly fortified country estates. 

Many were of the opinion that Paradis approached peace, despite the remaining infection of pure titans milling within and beyond its walls. Some insisted that vigilance was of the essence, and there were greater things to fear than the occasional horde upon a vulnerable town—whether it was the end of days, or the return of the Coordinate, often seen as one and the same. 

Well trained soldiers returned to their lives with a determination to pass their deadly skills onto the next generation, should any greater threat arise.

A former captain, with his section commander and wife, sat in the library at their estate, and possessed such a goal.

“My dear Mr. Ackerman,” said his wife to him one day, “have you heard that Maria Park is let at last?”

Levi replied that he had not. 

“But it is,” returned Hange, “for Mr. Berner had just been here, and told me all about it.”

Levi gave no answer, stirring his tea. 

“Do you want to know who has taken it?” Hange cried impatiently. 

The embroidered rose upon her eyepatch, a decorated mark of her many battles, winked at her husband from behind wiry spectacles. 

“You want to tell me, and I have no objection to hearing it.” Mr. Ackerman replied. 

This was invitation enough. 

“Mr. Berner says that Maria is taken by a young man of large fortune and artillery; he came to Shiganshire in a chaise and four, narrowly escaping from the most recent resurgence of unmentionables in Ermich!”

“What is his name?” Only the latter statement piqued Mr. Ackerman's interest.

“Arlert. Though the man says that Mitras no longer agrees with him, and that Shiganshire is most charming. A single man of four or five thousand a year—what a fine thing for our girls, an even finer thing for my research, to chance the briefest inspection of the true damage the Coordinate had left!” Hange made no attempt to hide her thrill.

“Can this Mr. Arlert train our girls to balance perfectly in firmament as they use their mobility gear?” Levi’s amusement was unabashed.

“How can you be so tiresome, my dear? Surely your own instruction for the girls is more than adequate. You must know that I am thinking of his marrying one of them.” 

Hange was by no means a romantic. Despite society’s disheveled efforts at rebuilding, one must continue moving forward and look to the future. Mr. Ackerman will not live forever, and the female line was not to inherit the estate, no matter her efforts… 

“Is that his design in settling here?” Her husband replied. 

“Design! Nonsense,” Hange said, pacing about the room. “But it is very likely that he may fall in love with one of them, and therefore you must consider our daughters. It will be impossible for us to visit him if you do not initiate.” 

“I see no occasion to risk my life to visit a man with whom I am unfamiliar.” Levi cradled his teacup with his palm above the rim. “If you insist it is for the good of your research, surely you may charm him yourself, to be so presumptuous as to consider Mr. Arlert a special instrument for your scientific endeavors.” 

“Mr. Ackerman, you take delight in vexing me. You have no compassion on my poor nerves.'' Hange sighed, fanning herself lightly. “With five daughters so close in age, I should desire a young man take a liking to any of them. There are none so refined in the deadly arts as our girls, nor as dutiful as Anne, or as well humored as Sasha.” 

There were many things in Eldian society Hange did not invest her beliefs in, least of all social etiquette —all the more her amiable husband must introduce himself first, to secure the girls in Mr. Arlert’s good graces. She knew that she would much rather explore Maria Park than speak idly to anyone for the permission to do so.

“You mistake me, my dear. I have a high respect for your nerves, as they are my old friends. I have heard you mention them with consideration these twenty years at least.'' Levi’s tone was dry, and he could not help but give his wife a small smile. “I hope you will get over it, and live to see many young men, fine warriors, of four thousand a year come into the neighborhood.'' 

“It will be no use to us if twenty such should come, since you will not visit him,'' Hange sniffed, discontented. 

“Depend upon it, my dear, when there are twenty, I will visit them all.''

read the rest here on ao3

[thevolpin]

One of the stranger parts of being Bi-Polar is how severely and tangibly it affects my creative process.

I have been incredibly stunted in my emotional development. Expressing aswell as feeling emotion is something that does not come easily to me. I had a rather rough upbringing and nothing was taught to me in a healthy way, wich as a result made me harshly supress everything I could as an act of self preservation.

A circumstance I work very hard to fix.

Art has always been my go-to tool for /feeling/, for /expressing/ - even before I was aware of it.

I create to feel and I learn to create.

That has always been my guiding phrase.

Up until about 3 years ago art always had me on the backfoot - my manic and depressive episodes were a backdrop of my creative efforts, complete with the common feelings of invicibility and the pitfalls of wanting to tear my environment and myself apart in my frustration.

It helped me.

It helped me to cope and deal with life outside of art, because I feel safe in my art and I have a place to express my emotions - even if it felt awful and the worst thing to do in that moment a lot of the time.

3 Years ago I realized all of this and I made a conscious descision to move on, to heal and to re-imagine my art as a vessel to reshape my emotional facilities, to create with the /intent/ to express and not the necessity to vomit out whatever I could not express otherwise.

I turned a frustrated and self destructive mess into a self-caring and patient frame of mind.

But that does not take away my Bi-Polar tendencies.

I have been rather down mentally in the last week and now that I am able to observe that, I can observe my own being.

When I am in my manic state, I still barely eat or sleep, I take risks and make descisions, I splurge on things and I move fast, I want it all.

When I am in the depressive state, I slow down, I bunch up and curl into myself. Suddenly days come to a crawl and I get this odd quality of viewing my own mental goings on like a removed observer. And when I draw then I slow down too - I start to examine and observe, I start to crawl through my own process and watch it dissolve infront of me - both artistically, but also mentally, emotionally.

And curiously, some of my most successful images happen in that slow, depressed, exhausted state.

I heard of the term /Depressed/ as /Deep Rest/ - as in that is what you need. That is what your body tells you to do.

So I lay down, I sleep in, I check out. I sit down and I listen and I listen well what my mind needs to tell me, what I need to feel.

I do not believe in the idea of "great art comes from suffering" - great art comes from /emotion/ - suffering is just one of them and it is no more or less valid than the others.

The attached image was finished today - as an expression of appreciation, of beauty because that is what i truly crave most in my lowest states of mind. Stopping to look and admire something just for the fact it exists. Of understanding that I need to indulge into the things that make me feel at home with myself, rather than marinading in the pain i have accrued when I swing to the lowest lows.

Would it not be great if we could always see ourselves in that light?

I feel a little better, surprising myself with what I am capable of if I just grant myself the space to be whatever I need to be in that moment, and let it speak.

So, ironically, accepting the ungovernable swings of mood and flowing with them made them manageable.

We as human beings experience the world by comparing things - both biologically and emotionally. Hot and cold, high and low, near and far.

Exuberant and Devastated.

Depression and Mania.

We define what something is by understanding what it is not.

And so somehow now, I feel like if I was "cured" of my condition I would miss it.

[another-lost-mc]

Gonna be completely honest tho. Like yes they are hot in the vampire au but I would be terrified. Like I hate needles and all of that and idk I just feel like I'd be too freaked out for it to be enjoyable? Does that make sense??

A/N: Honestly, same here, anon. lol I think my own MC would find the whole situation exhausting mentally if not physically. There's a lot of valid reasons why any MC might not want to get caught up in this whole mess.

In a lighthearted vampire AU, the characters might feel that vampirism is more of a nuisance than anything else. Ultimately, I think they'd still try to prioritize MC's wishes and comfort over their own needs. It would motivate them to find an alternative solution for blood/feeding (especially if it were a long-term/permanent condition).

This Sucks! | Why They Don't Want to be Vampires Vampire!DEMON BROTHERS x gn!Reader, 0.5k words, SFW Content warnings: references to canon-typical vampire behaviours including biting/blood-drinking. More from the vampire!au

─── LUCIFER

Lucifer doesn’t like depending on anyone for anything. This would be an extra burden for you personally, and the last thing he wants is for life at his side with them to be even more challenging. His brothers would be unbearable if he tried to claim your blood for himself, and he knows in his heart he doesn’t want to share you. (A trivial concern is that his fondness for Demonus, even a blood-infused version of it, might be ruined by vampirism—it’s one of the few luxuries he allows himself to indulge in.)

─── MAMMON

Mammon's too greedy to share you. If you don’t want to donate your blood, that’s even better—that way no one gets to feed from you! He’s also going to be busy figuring out how he can capitalize on blood alternatives if the condition isn’t temporary.

─── LEVIATHAN

Levi's disappointed because vampires in anime are so hot cool, but he’s intimidated by the physical intimacy of it. Oh, and he hates the thought of others wanting to feed from you too. (What if you compare them and you prefer feeding the others more than him?!)

─── SATAN

Human pop culture is so inconsistent with their monster lore. Satan understands that the reality of feeding a vampire (or in this case, seven of them) is daunting and less appealing than the fictional version you've read about or seen in movies. Besides, he has enough anger management issues to deal with—bloodlust would be an extra hassle. He's one of the first to volunteer to find a better a solution for feeding if the vampirism is permanent.

─── ASMODEUS

Asmo doesn’t want to drink anyone’s blood. Wouldn’t it make his breath smell? What if it gets all over his clothes? If he drinks from you in his bed, the stains might ruin his expensive Devilmoth silk sheets! He might seem superficial about it, but his biggest complaint is the possibility that feeding might scar you or hurt you in some way. Leaving his mark on you sounds appealing, but not like that—especially if you're already hesitant about the idea. (He's secretly worried one of the others might try to talk you into something you don't want to do, and he wants to make sure his own judgement isn't clouded so he can help protect you.)

─── BEELZEBUB

Beel has so many issues with hunger and self-control that the thought of being hungry for your blood upsets him a lot. He’s so scared of hurting you, and when he’s out of control with hunger it's difficult to stop him. What if the others can’t subdue him in time? What if—? No, he doesn’t even want to think about it.

─── BELPHEGOR

Belphie assumes that drinking blood would act like a stimulant, so the last thing he wants is to feed from you. Why would he do something that makes him more energized and makes you tired in the process? (He’s not sure he can convince you to only feed him, and the idea of having to share you with the others—except for maybe Beel—is intolerable.)

[ooffmlsorry]

Law comforting you when you're teary from PMS

A/N: another self-indulgent one, folks...and not one of the ones I'm supposed to be writing. You could read this as pretty early on in knowing Law, hence why he's referred to as "Captain Law" several times.

T/w: period talk and mention of cramps/blood, reader has a vagina

During your last bloody run-in with the Marines, you handled things perfectly fine. Actually, and you wouldn't say this to anyone but your reflection, you did stellar. Covering the Heart Pirates' backs with your sniper rifle, ordering your flying fire cat Moremi to evacuate as many of the injured as possible, and calling out threats as you saw them. You kept a cool head despite your and Moremi's injuries, the danger, and the constant pumping of adrenaline in your veins. The crew was impressed, as a new addition you had a lot to prove...especially to Captain Law.

And then there was the drop off. After things settled a little, after you were cocooned within the metal safety of the Polar Tang, your body betrayed you.

Waking up in the middle of the night to a familiar ache in your abdomen, you shoved Morimi's warm, purring mass off of you to shuffle to the bathroom, and sure enough, even in the dim light the bathroom could see the dark stain of blood on your underwear.

Of course.

Horrible timing as usual.

You thought you had another week, which would've been enough time catch up on organizing your reports, cataloging your discoveries properly, and helping Captain Law care for the injured, but you didn't...clearly.

You took care of it and stumbled back to bed, so exhausted you could barely keep your eyes open.

You woke up to your energy completely sapped; your brain and body blanketed with an inescapable shroud of fog. Despite your crewmates waking up around you and getting their day started, your body wasn't moving. Or rather, the part of your brain that could list everything you wanted to do today, everything you expected yourself to do today, was a tiny whisper compared to the heaviness of your eyelids and limbs.

"I'm just so tired," you said into Miremo's fur, curling into her further. She was like your own personal heating pad.

It was infuriating. Just days ago you were bandaging wounds cheerfully, despite your grim situation and collecting stories from the islanders. And now...it felt like there was nothing in the world that could make you move.

Much later than everyone else you eventually made your way to kitchen to eat something before your cramps got worse again. Your breakfast, which forced a pitiful laugh out of you, were the quickest snacks you could grab and a glass of milk. The thought of eating in the kitchen crossed your mind and was quickly swallowed by the haze floating around your skull. You didn't realize the thought had occurred until you were already in bed with Moremi again. Was your brain really that far gone?

Now couldn't be a worse time, except maybe during the battle, but still! There was still so much left to do and you were in bed! Doing nothing except eating breakfast! Even your own slow, lazy chewing was getting on your nerves. The sounds of the crew going on with their duties outside the door only made everything worse.

Weak. You're so weak.

Tears started to sting your nose and eyes.

"Great," you sniffles. "So I'm just going to sit here and cry."

Not that you had much against crying, but there was still so much more to do. So much you could be helping your new crew with. So much you could be doing to safeguard all the new tales and knowledge you had gathered.

Moremi twitched as tears sizzled and steamed on her fur. She shifted on top of you to nuzzle your arm with her nose but otherwise didn't move much.

Just then, the door opened, and none other than your captain Trafalgar Law entered. His eyes found you immediately, a scowl formed on his lips.

"Y/N-ya, you're still in bed. Your injuries weren't that severe. Did something happen?"

Exactly. He's right. Get up.

"No," you wipe your tears away. "Just being lazy, I'll get up, captain." Moremi growls a little at being shoved off. You know she's more upset that you're getting up when you shouldn't than at being moved.

Law stops you. "If you're ill please stay in bed. I'll tell the others to keep away from you."

You almost wish that was the case. Your cramps weren't even that bad, you were just exhausted....exhausted like everyone else probably was.

"No, I'm not. I'm just exhausted."

The last thing you expected was for Law to sit down on your bed next to Moremi and grab your face. His hand was gentle but cold and smelled like some kind of medical cleanser. He lifted your chin to observe you, looking for something.

"Open your mouth."

You do so almost without thought.

He continued to examine you. "I don't have lazy crewmembers," he said.

Even with your captain's words, you didn't feel the urge to get up, which only made you despair further.

Tears started to sting your eyes again. With Law squeezing your face a little, they rolled down your cheeks immediately. "I know...I'm sorry, captain."

Law's eyes widened in shock and he let go as if burned. "Y/N-ya." Law sits awkwardly, clearly at a lost for words. "I...I didn't mean to scare you, if that's what it is."

The tears take you over completely. "No, I'm just so tired." You sobbed. "And there's so much to do, but I can't. I can't even think straight. I stand up and my body hurts and I can't fight it anymore. I don't have it in me. I'm just so, so tired. I'm sorry I can't do anything." You sobbed into your hands, covering your face and cried.

A long silence followed, so long you thought Law had left, and then, the weight of his hand on your shoulder pulled your face from your hands.

"You did well in our fight, you need to rest." He spoke matter-of-factly but tenderly. You had never heard him speak so carefully to anyone.

"But you're--"

"We're different people," he said. "If you tried to help now, you'd accomplish nothing. I think we both know that."

Your eyes already felt heavy. At some point you had started to lean as if falling over. You began to doze in front of Law but you saw no judgment in his eyes, just a softness that released the knot of restless guilt in your stomach.

"I told you, I don't have lazy crewmembers. That includes you." Law slowly guided you into laying down and pulled the covers around you with surprising kindness.

"I'll have Ikkaku bring you something real to eat when you wake up. Just rest until you feel better. We can handle ourselves."

You didn't realize Law lingered watching you sleep soundly for a moment before turning the lights off in the cabin with a small smile.

[luvmyoui]

jealous

myoui mina x fem!reader

genre: angst, fluff

warnings: gaslighting, self sabotage, cursing

word count: 2k

synopsis: "you could have anyone you want, why would you wanna be with me

a/n: apology for not posting i'll know😞😞😞 also i wrote the summary for this w one song in mind, wrote this while listening to another, then quoted a completely other song😭😭😭

“Just leave me around already!” you shouted out, stomping over to your shared room with Mina slamming the door. 

Mina stood there, dumbstruck. Never had you ever used a tone like that with her, but these past few weeks you seemed to only be picking fights. Mina obviously was intensely worried, she couldn't help but wonder what she had done to get you so upset. 

Your relationship with Mina was nearing perfect, well that was until your mind decided to start fucking with you. You knew it was wrong, Mina hadn't done anything to warrant such a reaction from you. You had just come home from work, and Mina, who had also just arrived at home, asked about your day. She could only assume that your boss had been extremely bitchy with you with how you reacted to the question.

When the door to your room slammed and you twisted the lock, you slid down to the floor, cradling your head in your hands. “fuck, fuck, FUCK!” you mumbled out, talking to yourself. You deeply regretted what you had said to her, you knew she was tired, she had also just come back from a full day of work. You hated that you potentially hurt her. But that's what she’d eventually do to you right? Someone like her could never truly like someone like you. How could such a perfect person love someone so imperfect? 

You loved her, you did, with all that you were. But the lingering thought that she could leave you the moment she found another woman attractive never left. She could have anyone in the world, why would she want to stay with you? You were only lessening the blow for when it finally came, detaching yourself from her so when she left it wouldn't hurt. If this was really meant to lessen your hurt, then why was it that every time you saw her face fall at your mean words that your heart shattered a bit more in your chest. Treating Mina like this hurt you more than you thought imaginable.

These insecurities had never been present before, you were never one to be insecure nor jealous. Seeing Mina with Sana though, it reminded you of everything you were not. The way Sana’s hand slid up Mina’s arm, the way Mina would laugh it off, not removing the hand on her. You could feel it coursing through your veins, envy. You would never be able to compare to Sana, not her long straight beautiful hair, nor her cute smile. Hell, you thought that you’d choose her too had you been mina. Sana was everything you were not, everything you were not and more. She was everything you were and weren't. 

Seeing mina return the flirtations had you overcome with sadness, why would she indulge in that with a girlfriend. You didn't know Sana, not at all. Maybe if you did, you would’ve known that Sana was like a sister to Mina, that she had grown up with Sana. That Sana was nothing more than a best friend that liked intimacy. But of course, you didn't know, you didn't know and so you did the only thing you knew to do. You withdrew, you started to distance yourself from Mina, often being rude and dismissive. 

You could tell it hurt her, but she never said anything back. Not wanting to let her anger get the best of her and accidentally say something that might hurt you. How considerate she was, even while getting told to shut up. She loved you, and hurt was the last thing she’d want to see on your pretty face. She knew where the line was drawn and no matter how much you crossed it, she refused to. 

letting out a sigh, Mina let herself fall back onto the couch behind her. she would talk to you later when you weren't as mad. she thought back to these last few weeks. how drastically your behavior had changed. Where you used to constantly be all over her, always touching her in some way. she now found that you’d barely ever lay a finger on her, often flinching when she initiated physical contact. this hurt her greatly, she just couldn’t seem to understand what brought on this change. 

The longer she waited, the more overcome with exhaustion she became. Her schedule today had been packed, with interviews and more things of the sort. She hadn’t even eaten dinner, nor changed, having come home just a minute before you. sooner than later, she succumbed to the exhaustion, falling asleep on the couch. 

You awoke the next morning, curled up on the bed you shared with Mina, puffy eyed. you checked the time on your phone, seeing that it was five am. One more hour ‘til your work starts. you looked around, noticing that the big bed was empty. A sigh fell from your mouth, sadness and self hatred overwhelming you once again. The reasonable side of your mind yelled at you to wake up and stop doing this. Sadly, the other part of your head was screaming louder at you. whispering that promises would be broken, she’d just leave you in the end. 

You got out of bed and went to go take a shower and get ready. Upon leaving your room after getting ready, you found Mina curled up on the sofa very clearly shivering. You could hear the cracking of your heart from within. in that moment you didn’t care a bit for the voices screaming at you. You only cared for the girl who might catch a cold in her own house.

You picked her up bridal style and carried her over to the bed. You refused to be stopped by the fact that you weren’t strong enough to carry her and pushed through. With your will, came power, the strength to carry her smoothly suddenly entered your body. You carried her to your shared room with her and tucked her in bed. You turned on the small heater next to the bed and faced it towards her. 

You left a soft kiss on her forehead and then left for work. Breakfast was overrated anyways.

Unlike every other day, today you came home to the beautiful face of Mina painted with anger. you didn’t acknowledge the obvious anger on her face and just brushed past her to the kitchen. Before you could take a step in that direction you found yourself being aggressively pulled back. a yelp escaped your lips at how unexpected it was. 

“Sit down.” Mina said, her voice tone serious and commanding. If you were anyone else you definitely would’ve. but you were you in the end. 

“I’m hungry-“ 

“Don’t make me repeat myself.” Her voice held no room for arguments, and even you knew better than to argue. 

Following her command, you sat. She sat down next to you on the couch and took your hand in hers staring deeply into your cold eyes. She couldn’t figure out what you were thinking, your eyes now cold, a stark contrast from how they used to be. 

“Baby please, talk to me. I know something’s bothering you, please, just talk to me.” Mina softly begged, her thumb drawing circles on the back of your hand. 

“i- uh-“ As soon as you felt your resolve dropping by the slightest, it all came back in a flash. Her flirting with Sana, everything. You pulled your hand away from Mina, so fast one might’ve thought it was a burn. 

“I don't know what you’re talking about. You’re probably just imagining things.” You said standing up and attempting to walk away. 

“y/n please, i know something’s up.” Mina once again pleaded, grabbing your hand, stopping you from leaving

“Nothings fucking up. You’re literally making shit up, and fucking let go of me. You’re so fucking annoying.” You said once again ripping your hand away from Mina's grip.

This time Mina didn’t allow it, gripping your hand tighter in response to you trying to pull your hand away. She pulled you back onto the couch and this time she stood up. 

“Just tell me what's wrong, and stop giving me so much attitude! You’re not my teenage fucking daughter that im just gonna put up with this!” Mina yelled, angry at the words you were spitting at her. 

“I- i think we should break up.” you stuttered out, in hesitance averting your gaze from Mina’s. 

“No.” she said flatly

“W-what?” you questioned, the possibility of this response never crossed your mind. Your gaze shifted back to Mina, trying to gauge her feelings, you couldn't though. You couldn't figure out what was going on behind those dark eyes of hers. You felt the the tables had just been flipped, you were now in her shoes. On the receiving end of her anger.

“There won't be a breakup until you explain why.” Mina said in the most monotone voice you’d ever heard from her. 

“I just- i dont l-love you anymore.” 

“Stop lying, you aren't fooling anyone with that.” Mina said, a laugh accompanying her words, you could practically feel the condescension dripping off her words.

You could feel the suffocating feeling in your throat creeping in, why couldn't she just understand and leave you alone. “I dont- i dont love you anymore. Just let me fucking leave!” you yelled out the end, frustration overtaking you.

You could feel the tears forming, the familiar feeling of butterflies in your stomach. Not the good kind of butterflies though, the ones that came along with a feeling of dread, the ones that you hated. 

“Stop fucking lying and just spit it out! What is going on with you?!” Mina shouted at you. You felt incredibly small at her shouts, sure you had done the same, but you had always been overly sensitive. You could feel the water leaking out of your eyes before you knew it. 

Mina was being so mean to you, she had never raised her voice at you before. You had taken her kindness for granted and now you were faced with the opposite of it. “J-just l-leave me alone.” you hiccuped out, covering your face in embarrassment. 

Why did you have to cry now of all times? You cursed your body for giving this kind of reaction to her shouting.

“Baby, please. Just talk to me.” Mina said, much softer this time, wrapping her arms around you. 

You found yourself instinctively cuddling into her embrace, shaking in her arms. “Why should I even stay with you if you're just gonna leave me in the end?” you mumbled into her chest.

Mina’s eyes widened at this, she held your shoulders and pulled you away to look you in your eyes. “Why would you even think that?” Mina questioned, clearly taken aback by your assumption. Had she done anything to make you feel that way?

“You're just gonna leave me for a prettier girl like Sana when you get tired of me.” You mumbled, pushing yourself back into her chest, embarrassed for talking about your emotions. 

“Babe, Sana’s like my little sister. And why would I leave someone as pretty as you. I don't think anyone could even come close to you in terms of beauty.” Mina said, holding you tight and kissing your head. 

“I don't know, I just saw you with Sana and just I don't know, it made me realize that you're way out of my league and you could just- leave me anytime.” 

“But I don't wanna leave you for anyone. I love you not anyone else.” Mina softly whispered into your ear. 

“I'm sorry,” you whimpered out, pulling your head out of her chest to look in her eyes as you pouted. “I’ve been such a bitch to you. I don't know how you put up with me.”

“I’d rather fight with you all night than spend a peaceful night with someone else.” Mina whispered out before softly connecting your lips with hers.

You could only be left in awe at the fact that it was always you she chose.