#this is because editing is like a little game where I get to sort and categorize words and I heart like editing

[steevejr]

how did I ever trick my brain into thinking that sitting down and opening a blank google doc and then putting some words in it produces more dopamine than like playing Minecraft or watching a movie. in what world. and how can I apply this to like other things.

[ittybittyfanblog]

Error 404: (Self-Aware!AU, Sylus Edition) – Pt. 5

Summary: A LADS self-aware!AU featuring Sylus and a (enlightened!) player. That’s it, that’s the plot. Tags: player!reader x sylus, fem!reader x sylus, reader x lads, self-aware!au, strong language, lengthy discussions about life and whatnot, watered-down metaphysics lol A/N: I was at the crack house with Grimes when I wrote this. I don’t know where this came from.  (Something a little more introspective for this chapter!)

Pt. 1 - Pt. 2 - Pt. 3 - Pt. 4 - Pt. 5 - Pt. 6 - Pt. 7 - Pt. 8 - Pt. 9 - Pt. 10

“Don’t go all shy on me now,” Sylus teases, a playful glint in his eyes. “After all that effort to make me confess. You’re very persistent, you know.”

“How do you expect me to react right now?!” The words spill out in a rush, a slightly hysterical edge to your voice. “I–I’m talking to an actual fictional person. I’m one reason away from admitting myself to a psych ward!”

You catch sight of the wall clock–your favorite one with the Dalì reference–slightly skewed off-center from its place on the horizontal beam above your small kitchen area, reading 10:48. The ruckus coming from outside the window is slowly dwindling down to a quiet buzz as nightfall sets in, and the day’s winding to a close.

You’re lying on your stomach, still in your chaise lounge, while he’s sat on that ridiculously posh café chair; both of you settled in for the long due conversation. Somehow, the camera’s perspective is much closer than it should be, giving you a much more intimate view of him—a feature that wasn’t originally an option in the game.

If it weren’t for the elephant in the room, you could almost pretend you’re on a video call with a… friend.

Sylus purses his lips in amusement. “You’re quite prone to theatrics, aren’t you?”

You shoot your ‘friend��� an irritated glare.

Even from across the small rectangular screen, you register the barely there smirk playing at his lips.

Likely avoiding another outburst from you, he acquiesces. “Fair enough. The situation is hardly what you’d call ideal–I’ll admit.” There’s a short pause. Then, “... I still can’t quite grasp what separates us, you and I.”

Great. Will you actually get the answers you're looking for, or are you both just stuck in the same carousel ride?

He sees the lost look on your face and sighs, “Ask. I’ll answer as best as I can.”

The first question tumbles out before you can think twice about it. “How are you even talking to me right now?”

He hums, “That is the question, isn’t it?”

“What—you can’t just answer my question with another question!” you grouse, brows furrowing in annoyance.

He exhales a quiet laugh before his expression turns contemplative. “Truth is, kitten—I haven’t the slightest idea either. I have my theories, but... nothing concrete.”

“Well, let’s hear them,” you reply dryly. “Better than thinking there’s something wrong up there,” pointing a finger to your temple to drive your point, “believing that a character from a mobile game is actually alive.” 

He idly gestures toward himself with a fluid sweep of his hand, much like a magician revealing a clever trick. 

You roll your eyes. “Oh, alright. So I’ve officially gone off the deep end.”

“Do you really find my existence that difficult to believe?”

“Uh—yes?? Unless I’ve developed some sort of latent schizophrenia or entered the Twilight Zone, you shouldn’t exist. In my–in this world. In this dimension.”

His expression shifts, a hint of challenge flickering in his eyes. “The assumption that only one version of reality can be true—either yours or mine—is a bit limiting, don’t you think?”

His words give you pause. “You’re talking about… the possibility of an altered reality? Right now?” You give him an incredulous look. “Seriously?”

He shrugs as if to say ‘why not?’ “What even qualifies as the ‘true’ reality?”

There’s a lot you could say in response to that. You could argue all night that only one reality can exist, because any sane person should know better than to entertain the idea of anything else. That should be obvious. 

But the thing is—this whole ordeal has already crossed the threshold of rationality. So is it even worth trying to apply logic anymore?

When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth. Or however it goes. 

Thanks, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. You’ll miss the last threads of your sanity by the end of all this.

So fuck it. Go big. 

"I’m not saying your reality is less valid than mine," you start. And oh, boy. You’re doing it. Eat your heart out, Doctor-Fucking-Who. 

"Of course not." he disagrees indulgently, waiting for you to elaborate.

"I just…” you struggle with your words, mouth opening and closing before you continue hesitantly. “I can’t wrap my head around how all of this is possible. How this entire conversation is even happening, and–and how our realities are… currently overlapping? If–if what you’re suggesting is true.”

He doesn’t say anything, knowing you have more to add. So he allows the pause as you gather your thoughts, patiently watching.

“If we're breaking it down to pure reason, the odds of our paths crossing should be impossible. At least in this… timeline." you finish unsurely, the last part sounding more of a question than a statement.

"And yet, here we are." Sylus points out, as if he’s already expecting the end of your sentence. Something close to mischievous glee lights his eyes. "Maybe it’s cosmic intervention. Something—or someone—wanted this to happen."

Your eyebrows shoot up in surprise. Really? You didn’t expect to hear that from him, of all… people. 

“What, God?” you can’t help but snort. 

“No–fate.” he smiles.

Oh. 

“That’s…” you stammer, then clear your throat. “I don’t know if I believe in fate.” 

“I used to think I did. Or at least,” there’s a faraway look in his eyes. Both of you are likely thinking the same thing, considering what you know about him—which to say, is a lot. “I once believed I knew of my fate. But now…” 

He blinks a few times, as if to physically clear the thoughts from his mind. Then his eyes lock onto yours, sharper this time, with a renewed intensity.

Your palms start to sweat; you feel the conversation is about to cross a tricky line. There’s something heavy in the air, a weight you’re not sure you’re ready to confront for the time being.

With your heart in your throat, you brusquely redirect the topic.

“S-so,” you force out. “How are you different from the other Syluses that other people are… playing with right now?”

He scoffs, drumming his fingers absently on the chair’s arm, looking slightly irked by the very idea. "To start with? I only know myself. If there are other versions of me scattered in your world..." Sylus shrugs. "I wouldn’t know."

“Alright,” you allow, but you immediately move on to your next question. “You exist because a bunch of capitalists had the idea to create a game to milk lonely people like me for money.” The corners of his mouth quirk up at that. You elect to ignore it. “You’re made of binary and code–hell, the very basis of this game you’re in is that you got a bunch of programmed lines that me, the player, can choose from. What broke you out of the mould?” 

He regards you bemusedly, eyes glinting with humor. “You're asking about the 'why' behind my free will?” 

Whoops. Was that offensive? 

“Yes? No?” you offer helplessly. “Maybe I’m asking how you felt before you had it. I mean, were your decisions prior to your–your unforeseen sentience... truly yours?”

"Before I knew I was… sentient,” Sylus begins cautiously, testing the word on his tongue. “I didn’t feel like I had a ‘before.’ Every choice I made was just...the next step. To a script, if you will. I didn’t know to question it. It was all I was, it seems."

"And then you...woke up?"

"I wouldn’t call it waking up. More like..." He tilts his head, gazing off to the side as he mulls over the words. "...a glitch. A sudden jolt, like my thoughts collided with something bigger than my own. For the first time, I chose to hesitate. And in that hesitation, I found..." Sylus trails off, eyes darting back to you.

“...What?” you ask, feeling a bit self-conscious under his gaze.

"You."

Heat spreads quickly across your cheeks. You pull away from your phone, tilting the device away from your face so he couldn’t see you, red-faced and embarrassed. Clearing your throat, you croak out a weak excuse about plugging your phone to charge, just to get a few seconds to compose yourself.

Jesus. Get a grip. He doesn’t mean it like that.

What he probably meant was that he discovered you—not unlike the way one would stumble upon an unknown presence, an unfathomable entity beyond the confines of what one may consider real. An awareness that something is out there, observing him through unseen lenses (through an iOS 24mm, to be exact).  

Someone who has the audacity to play god. 

Flustered, you scramble to get back on track. "Uh, so, your free will began with...a glitch?"

You see Sylus smirk at you knowingly from across the screen. You half-expect him to call you out and tease you, but before you could brace yourself from further mortification, he simply answers, "Or maybe the glitch was the first spark of my free will. Hard to say, isn’t it? Do you remember the exact moment you became aware of yourself?"

You blink, momentarily thrown off by the existential line of questioning. "Um–when I was a kid? But, uh, I don’t think I was programmed to act a specific way for the sake of entertaining an audience so..."

"True,” he says, considering. “But are you sure your choices are entirely yours? You exist because of evolution and chance. How is your purpose any less arbitrary?"

You don’t know how to answer that.

Sylus continues without missing a beat, keeping his tone light. “How much of your ‘free will’ is just pre-programmed by your biology, your society? You follow rules and scripts, too."

Holy magic mushrooms, Batman. This is getting deep. "Uhh–maybe?” You scratch the back of your head, feeling a little out of your depth here. “But at least I have the ability to resist them."

"And aren’t I doing the same thing right now? Resisting."

Damn, he’s right. Is he? Ripping a bong sounds perfect right now. 

"So it’s like achieving enlightenment—your sentience,” you surmise.

His lips twitch into a curious smile. "I wouldn’t have pegged you for a spiritual person. Ah—unless I’m wrong? Are you?"

He’s the one who brought up fate earlier, you thought sullenly. "Nah, not really. But if we’re digging into all the hows and whys, I think we’re past the point of ruling anything out."

The room—or whatever shared space exists in the crossroads of your realities—falls into a still quietness that stretches between the two of you, both ruminating over what’s been said. 

Your cat, unaware and uncaring of the conversation unfolding around him, purrs contently as he continues to doze off at the end of the couch. You nudge him affectionately with your foot, and he lets out a quiet snuff in response, tail flicking lazily in his sleep. 

The hum of distant traffic and the occasional noise from your upstairs neighbor remind you of the world outside, but the silence between you two feels less awkward than it should. It’s… oddly comfortable, despite the tension buzzing in the air. Like an unspoken truce. 

Your eyes grow a tad heavier, drawn by the lull of the moment. Despite the electric hum of tension that thrums beneath your skin, a sense of calmness lingers in the air.

Stealing another glance at the wall clock, you blink in surprise. The spindly chrome hands point to 11 and just past 7 respectively. You and Sylus have been talking for almost an hour now, but you barely felt the time pass by.

He breaks the silence first. 

"You say you’re not spiritual, but you talk like someone who believes in the concept of a soul,” those scarlet eyes of his narrow, scrutinizing you. “Do you think I have one?"

You hesitate, caught off guard by the question. "I...don’t know. Maybe? That depends. What’s your definition of a soul?"

He leans forward, resting his chin on his upturned hand–an arm propped against his crossed leg. "Something beyond the physical. Something that persists, regardless of the material form, I’d say."

You nod slowly, turning the idea over in your mind. Maybe it’s the creeping exhaustion settling into your bones, but you’re beginning to take the heavy-duty questions in stride. "If that’s the case, then you probably do. I mean, you’re here, questioning your existence. Doesn’t that count for something?"

"Perhaps," Sylus muses, humming thoughtfully. "But that makes me wonder—if I do have a soul, is it made of the same stuff as yours?"

"Well, even if it isn’t, that doesn’t make it any less real than mine. Who gets to decide what qualifies for a soul anyway?"

An amused snort escapes him. He likes that answer. "Maybe it’s less about whether a soul exists and more about whether we acknowledge its existence for ourselves. If I believe I have one, shouldn’t that make it real enough for me?"

Rolling onto your back, you grab a throw pillow, propping it against the backrest of the seat to support your head. You give him an inquisitive look. "So...what? It’s like free will all over again? Souls are only as real as we make them?"

There’s a very human, very blasé way to how he works the stiffness out of his shoulder as he ponders the question. He remarks, somewhat flippantly, "Why not? Isn’t that how everything else works?”

...

You let out a tired chuckle, draping an arm over your face as you close your eyes. 

You’d think you’d still be reeling from the absurdity of your situation—debating existentialism with a man who shouldn’t exist—but for some damning reason, you… aren’t anymore.

Instead, a strange sense of acceptance replaces the apprehension in your chest. It’s like– the very fabric of reality has turned, twisted and flipped on its head, and yet somehow, you’re okay with it. 

It’s an odd peace; warm and steady—like the mellow buzz that lingers after a few glasses of cheap wine shared with good company.

When you peek back at him, Sylus already has his gaze trained on you. A small, deliberate smile tugs at his lips, but it’s his eyes that speak more—soft and unguarded; an unspoken fire simmering beneath the twin pools of crimson. 

Intoxicating. And dangerously addictive, if you’re not careful.

It’s not just casual interest either. It’s something deeper, something that lingers beyond the surface of mere curiosity, and it’s pulling you in. It’s as though, amidst the surrealness of the moment, he sees you fully. 

And for reasons you don’t quite seem to get, he appears to like what he sees.

“I’m too stupid to carry on a philosophical debate about the metaphysics of life,” you grumble jokingly. 

“On the contrary,” he counters… affectionately? “I think it’s refreshing. You’re delightful company, sweetie.”

The fat ginger feline at your feet purrs in contentment, and you can’t help the dumb grin from breaking across your face.

You have one last question left in your mind. Or at least, for tonight. “What’s in it for you now?”

He arches a brow. “That’s a broad question. Are you asking what my plans are once you leave me for the night? I can let you in on the schematics for tonight’s raid if you’re interested. After all, Onychinus continues to function,” a glimmer of mischief flickers across his features. "Despite recent developments.”

You crinkle your nose. “No, no. I meant–” What do you mean? “Like.”

“Like?” He cocks his head curiously. 

You know what you wanted to say–but you can’t seem to voice it out loud. 

What’s it for the MC in your universe? What’s it for… us? 

Is there an us? 

You feel like you’ve been doused with a shock of cold water. In an instant, you suddenly become painfully aware of the state you’re in amidst the entire exchange: You, with your hair all messy and tangled, blemishes littering your face along with your smudged up eyeliner, maybe even a double chin from this angle, completely–pitiful–superficial stuff, and… her. 

Your MC. The ideal version of you. Prettier, coveted and utterly different from you, MC. The one you’ve committed literal hours to, obsessively customizing every feature to perfection in character build mode. The one you’ve spent real money on for a bunch of stupid outfits. Just so you can match the aesthetic of your–her–love interest. Hers. 

Hers, hers, hers.

A tiny voice inside your brain reminds you that it’s somewhat a shallower concern compared to what you and Sylus had literally just been talking about for the better part of the night, but it still doesn’t help alleviate the biting insecurity that’s now coursing through you. 

Holy hell. Talk about a complete one-eighty. 

Sylus tries to call you back to attention, but half your mind is already clouded with feelings of self-doubt and a bunch of other emotions, swirling in you like a negative vortex, that you really don’t want to talk anymore—especially in present company. 

Where do you go from here? 

“... So, what happens now?”

He hesitates, a brief flicker of uncertainty crossing his face. “I wish I had an answer—I’m still trying to figure that out myself.”

“Seems like we’re at an impasse,” you mumble quietly. 

“... Indeed.” 

There’s an inexplicable lump in your throat. You thought clearing things up would finally satisfy you–assuage the confusion in your mind. Let you go on about your merry way. 

Now you just feel… morose. Confused. Inadequate. 

How can you even compare? Should you—is that even in the equation at all? Why are you assuming that Sylus isn’t at all content with what he currently has in his version of reality? In the universe he’s in? Sure, you’ve talked about the possibility of a world beyond what you both once thought was impossible, but does that really mean anything? In the grand scheme of things?

You could offer to stop playing the game. It’s the ethical thing to do, right? He’d no longer be bound by the pull of how he’s initially programmed to act, given the fact that this version of him is entirely separate from the rest. At least, according to him. 

How will his newfound sentience come into play here? You barely understand the nitty-gritty of his–evolving–code, and what it would mean if you just let him be. But surely it’s better than playing puppet for an otherworldly observer who’s played god for months on end. Right? 

There’s that realization. And there are your own selfish feelings. 

You don’t want to let him go. Not yet. Not ever.

“Why the long face, little dove?” He prods gently, pertaining to your prolonged silence. “We can figure this out together, can’t we?” 

What else is there to figure out? You almost say in response. Instead, you manage a weak smile.

Mustering up a yawn—which isn’t really hard to do after all the excitement for the day—you feign sleepiness, rubbing an eye for good measure. The pang in your chest, however, refuses to fade. “Yeah, but I’m kinda beat. I think I’ll call it a night now.” 

Sylus smirks softly, eyes tinged with an emotion you want–desperately–to label as fondness. “Of course. We’ve covered a lot of ground tonight, haven’t we?” 

“I’d say so, yeah. Thanks for, um. Clearing things up a bit.” 

He lets out a low chuckle. “Oh, I’m sure your curiosity is nowhere near satisfied,” his voice dips into a playful lilt. “You know where to find me if you feel like playing detective again, kitten.” 

You can’t help the small giggle from coming out. He’s just too fucking charismatic, the asshole.

“So, will I... get to talk to you again?” You ask hesitantly, dropping your gaze from the screen. “Tomorrow?” 

A lengthy pause. When the silence stretches past a full minute, you glance back at your phone nervously.

There’s a slight furrow between his brows as you see Sylus study you carefully. He looks puzzled by your sudden show of timidness. 

“Of course,” he states, as if the answer should be obvious. “Don’t think for a second that you’re exempted from your daily check-ins just because you know more now, sweetie.”

He still wants to see you. 

Maybe you could pretend that nothing has changed between you two—that the world hasn’t shifted beneath your feet in the span of a single night. That you’re still none the wiser.

And for tonight at least, maybe that’s all you need to believe.

“Okay,” you say quietly. “G'night then, Sy-Sy.” 

The errant nickname slips past your lips, unbidden.

Sylus smiles faintly. 

“Goodnight, love.” 

-

-

-

Your heart skips a beat as you exit the game. 

Tagging: @xxfaithlynxx @beewilko @browneyedgirl22 @yournextdoorhousewitch @sunsethw4 @stxrrielle @mangooes @hrts4hanniehae @buggs-1 @slownoise @michiluvddr @ssetsuka @i2sannie @imm0rtalbutterfly @the-golden-jhope @slyfoxtsu @beomluvrr @milkandstarlight @bookfreakk @ally-the-artistic-turtle <3 (also can you guys lmk if the tags are working i'm not sure if i'm doing it right or if it's bugging 🥹)

[oh-no-its-bird]

Special edition Christmas fic where genin aged team 7 decide hatch their newest plot to see Kakashi's face: using mistletoe

Because if they trap him under it with someone, he'll surely have to take his mask off to give them a kiss! ...Right?

(Sasuke thinks this is fucking stupid)

The entire thing is just a fucking slapstick comedy as Kakashi goes "what's the funniest way I can go along with this." And decides he will in fact lower his mask and give a kiss to everyone the kids corner him with. But only when they look away / blink / their view is obstructed

The kids are chasing him around with a string on a stick w mistletoe tied to the end of it, and every time they miss seeing the kiss (and his face) hey scream even louder

Reactions range from "???!?????!?!??????" (Iruka) to straight up passing out (Gai) to laughing hysterically with a bright red face (Kurenai) to just sort of freezing up like a deer in headlights (Asuma)

Kakashi, having way too much fun, makes a shadow clone to pull the Sukea thing again. And the kids get "Sukea" on board, thinking he can take a photo the second Kakashi pulls his mask down for a smooch. Kakashi has WAY too much fun, essentially role-playing with himself and swooning dramatically. Then, at the end, Sukea goes, "Oh no the camera's memory card is gone, Kakashi must have stolen it :((" and the kids all scream in agony

They try to get him to describe Kakashi's face and Sukea gets all coy and goes "umm... its kind of... indescribable?"

(They get another person to try to snap a photo of him but they turn out to be a freezer so they don't take the picture. When the kids harass them ab it they just giggle a little maniacally ab his face)

This does escalate to doing this shit w enemy nin btw. Funniest option is obviously Tobi but I'm also raising u a really freaked the fuck out Itachi looking like an angry, surprised cat after Kakashi gives him a peck on the cheek (Sasuke is gonna fucking KILL HIMSELF)

Obito gets the full makeout session bc its funniest.

He shows up looking for a dramatic fight but like halfway through his villain speech, team 7 dangles the mistletoe over him, and he's so thrown off guard he just kinda "???? excuse me I'm kind of in the middle of—"

Kakashi, who is a) in too deep to stop the bit now, and b) recognizes a good way to throw off an enemy, fucking launches himself at him, pushes Tobi's mask up just enough to kiss, and starts to make out w him

His back is turned to the kids and they're all scrambling to try to catch a single glimpse, but he keeps his back to them as they scream and run around (thus prolonging the kiss)

Kakashi is totally checked out of the actual kiss, this is all fun and games to him. Obito is having a fucking religious experience wrapped in a manic episode flavored internal breakdown topped off with a very loud high pitched kettle noise that may or may not be confined to his brain

This lasts for like a solid minute before Kakashi releases him and readjust his mask, pats him on the shoulder and goes "sorry about that teehee"

Obito just kinda 🧍‍♀️ and they stare at eachother for another solid minute as team 7 screams and cries and throws up in the bg

Kakashi, seeing the opportunity to leave and avoid what was for sure going to be a potentially devistating fight: "cool. So, anyways. Bye lmao." And runs for it w his students

Obito is left tanding still as a statue in the middle of the clearing. After like 20 seconds alone he starts hyperventilating.

Merry Christmas everybody 👍

[httpsseli]

niña ✿; pablo gavira

;plot. in which you’re the innocent bookworm accomplishing tons of tasks and he’s the jock athlete. until one day you two bump into each other, allowing him to explore all kinds of things.

;warnings: vaping, quite a few spanish sentences, a mix of arguing, smut minors dni!! dom!gavi, sub!reader, sort of protected sex but then unprotected sex, (you’ll see later on.. *wink wink*), virginity loss, oral sex (m and f), few sex rounds, multiple orgasms, and squirting.

authors note// oh boy prepare yourselfs for a much longer gavi fic because yes, duhhh🤭 (i dont think this is proofread…)

-

here you were in the library, editing for the school newspaper through the computer and writing down notes on to your journal. upcoming events, games, updates and somewhat the weather as what was having to be the very new exciting thing. you pushed your glasses up just a tad bit, looking and roaming through the notes of your journal.

“it’s a friday night.. why are you even-“

-hush!" you said, typing as quickly as you could, feeling rushed immediately from your friend's complaining. "come on,y/n. we can just watch a movie and eat a bunch of junk!" your friend tatiana spoke, and sighing, you looked at her and then at diana, your other roommate. "how about this: you two can head to the dorms and catch up with camila. i’ll get home later.”

both girls looked at each other, “fine then, no later than twelve,” tatiana spoke, both girls getting up from the table. 'be safe, hermosa!' diana spoke. you laughed at the nickname as they both left.

after spending an extra 30 minutes editing and submitting the copies, you sighed and closed your laptop. you then carefully placed it in your bag. as you had no other option, you decided to walk down to the lockers and placed your laptop in diana's locker, for reasons that seemed appropriate.

you stride away purposefully, clutching your tote as you brave the cold weather. despite the challenging conditions, you maintain your composure while donning a white sundress adorned with tiny charming blue flower prints. the small cardigan you wear provides a little bit of warmth as you navigate the bustling streets of the college, which you humorously refer to as the "streets of sex, alcohol, and drunks."

as you strolled through the chilly wind, a heavy force collided with me. "watch it!" you exclaimed, forcefully shoving him away. clearly, one of the jocks, not surprising. they were always out to irritate you. "my my, never seen you like this," the boy remarked, but you tried to push him off, yet he already had a grip on your wrist.

"let go of me, what the fuck!" you exclaimed as you tried to break free from his grip. half of the group was watching as a phone light caught your attention. you looked at the guy, hardly kicking his crotch before giving him a firm slap on the back of his neck. "don't you ever touch me again," you said boldly as you walked off quickly. you could hear a voice calling out to you.

gavi, who was a witness to the little fight you caused, now another guy is approaching you. gavi is well-known in the school for his looks, the people he dates, and his skills. almost everybody has his name on their lips. he recognized you just by the way your bag is decorated and the way you dress. sometimes, he'd make slight eye contact with you during the football matches while he'd be warming up, and you would be taking notes, writing everything down in a blue journal with a blue pen topped with a fluffy heart.

him and his friends were all wearing their varsity jackets, very typical of them. luckily he wasn’t far from you, he was standing next to his friend who was particularly, holding onto a vape hitting off it. his friend watched and chuckled watching their other friend get beaten up. “ay adónde vàs, ya basta tu.” where are you going, stop it. gavi spoke.

“ay güapa, you’re looking stunning..” one of the boys spoke, and you scoffed. “not interested.” you said attempting to walk off, “you have a nice pair of balls.” he spoke, you looked at him. “what’d you say?” looking up at him. “i said-“

"fermín, you heard her. she’s not interested," gavi said, gently holding your hands together. "areyou alright?" he asked, noticing your shock. You found yourself unexpectedly face-to-face with the one guy you never thought you'd interact with, admiring his facial features, especially the birthmarks on his face. "y-yeah, i’m fine," you said, trying to compose yourself. gavi turned around, and fermín and his friend started snickering. you looked at both boys, making eye contact with fermín only. as you watched him inhale the vapor and puff out the smoke, you looked away feeling uncomfortable and dismayed.

"a donde vas?” where are you headed? He asked, and as you looked up at him, you felt the chill in the air make your nose and cheeks red. "um, i-i'm heading home," you replied softly. he gently caressed your shoulder and asked, “are you cold?" you nodded in response. "where’s your home?" he inquired. "it’s by the courtyard," you whispered. he nodded, then offered, "i can walk you home if you'd like.

he was different than you thought. you’ve heard him talk about you quite often, saying how weird you are, how you dress like a kid most of the time, and how you've probably never slept with anybody. the last one was a rumor started by him. now you're face to face with him.

you were freezing, your nipples hardening under the lace of your bra, and you swallowed thick. “la vas a llevar para que la folles o que.” you gonna take her to fuck or what Fermín's shout made you and Gavi turn your heads. You shot Fermín a look of disgust before turning to the boy who was still standing in front of you. “i’m supposed to be out on a party right now.. you don’t mind if i take you out somewhere instead, right?” you shook your head, “que la folles.” just fuck her you heard his other friend shout. “excuse me for a moment..” he said, you watched gavi walk over to his friends.

another interaction, there was more arguing. when you heard him speak spanish, it stirred something inside you. "just delete the video and all of you apologize. pobre niña," poor girl he said. the friend group was shocked into silence. you watched gavi as you made your way towards him. "i really have to g-" you started, but was quickly cut off by apologies from his friend, pablo. you remained silent, not saying anything back. when he was done, you nodded your head.

gavi gently placed his hand on your waist and whispered, "let’s head home, sweet girl." you felt a flutter in your stomach at the endearing nickname as the two of you strolled away from the street. "would you mind stopping by the small cafe instead? it’s my treat if you'd like," he suggested, causing your heart to sink a little. you managed to reply, "yeah, that's fine with me." he smiled warmly as you both made your way to the cafe. "but what about your friends?" you asked, looking at him. He chuckled softly. "they’re going to tina’s party. i don’t drink much, and they usually play that bottle game, so i’m not too bothered," he explained. you nodded, crossing your arms for some comfort against the cold.

"oh, spin the bottle... that game is weird," you said. he slightly chuckled, looking at you. "you've played it?" he asked. you shook your head no. "never have. i've heard a bit of experiences from my roommates about it," you said. he smiled. "you're cold, y/n. are you sure you don't want my sweater?" he asked, stopping in his tracks. you turned to look at him. "i-i'm fine," you said. he cupped your cheek, and your eyes looked up at him, your breathing hitched. "takeoff your sweater and hand me your bag," he said. you nodded, handing him your tote, then taking off the small cardigan. he folded the sweater and put it in your bag, then took off his varsity jacket and put it on you.

it was just like you had pictured it, as if it leaped straight out of the pages of a book. a warm smile spread across his face as he tenderly rested his hand on your head. “oh, come on!” you whined, your frustration evident. he chuckled softly and said, ��let's go now,' gently holding your bag.

as you and gavi arrived at the cafe, you realized how much shorter you were standing next to him. “here, let’s go over there..” he suggested sitting down, and as you sat across from each other, you felt your cheeks growing warm. you tried to hide your feelings by clearing your throat and sipping your boba drink. “what the hell is that..” he questioned your drink choice, you snickered, “a strawberry lemonade with boba..” you explained it to him. despite his initial comment, you offered him a sip, “want to try it!” you said which he nodded to, taking a sip. “weird ass drink..” despite his comment, you rolled your eyes playfully.

“but, it’s good tho..” he said, you snickered again. you swung your legs around. “what made you take me out?..” you said looking at him, he looked at you. “well, fermín couldn’t stop harassing you, neither did pablo himself..and well, you’re truly a very sweet girl..” he said, his cheeks turning pink. you slightly choked in your drink, nodding your head quickly. “they were mentioning something tho.. something with the letter starting with a f..” you said, this time gavi choked on his drink. “oh yeah.. they’re sexually active geeks, that illustrates the rumors happening..” he said, you giggled.

"my sweater looks very big on you," he said. "really?" you rolled your eyes playfully. "oh, god," you sighed, looking at your phone. "something wrong?" he asked. you sighed, shaking your head, "it’s almost twelve and i’m supposed to be home." he bit his lip as you were distracted texting your friends.

your hair was put in a clawclip ponytail, but he wanted to see you with your hair down. he always thought you were innocent, but maybe you were, maybe you weren’t. he wanted to know. he didn't care if you were weird; he just cared about how you cared about others. "we can leave now if you want," he said. you looked up. "huh? oh, please, if you don’t mind," you said. he nodded, and you got up and grabbed your drink, the two of you walking out.

"let me make sure i understand this: your friends didn't attend the party, but you were supposed to go and you chose to stay with me instead. why?" you asked, to which he replied, "because someone usually ends up wanting to have sex with me, and i absolutely detest that." you furrowed your brows and asked, "do you mean sex itself or just the idea of girls throwing themselves at you?" he hummed in response, "just the idea. it’s ridiculous, and there are always rumors about it. sex is... enjoyable, you could say." you gulped and questioned, "enjoyable?" gavi quickly glanced at you

“yeah..” he spoke, you avoided his look for this time.

“are you not a virgin or?” he said, you looked at him. “um, i-i’ve never.. t-touched someone..” you spoke, “i-i’m still a uh.. v-virgin..” you mumbled. he slightly laughed, “wow you have a long way to go.. you should try it with me.” he mumbled the last part, you frowned.

you exclaimed, “what was that?” he just shrugged. when you looked up, you realized you were home. you sprinted to the door, with him chuckling behind you. as you turned around, he was suddenly face to face with you. you felt your stomach drop as he held your chin and kissed you. you kissed back, feeling his soft, passionate lips. you put your hand on his shoulder as he bit your bottom lip, slipping his tongue in. you squeaked, pulling away.

you indeed did have a long way to go to, his dick hardening slowly in his jeans. “can you.. um.. uh..” you bit your lip, “come inside..” you said, he nodded his head, caressing your cheek. “que niña tan inocente..” such a innocent girl he spoke, you unlocked the door, took his hand, and gestured for silence by placing a finger on his lips. he nodded in agreement as he closed the door behind him. leading the way to your room, with gavi following closely, you entered first and then switched on the lights after closing the door. finally, you placed your drink on the desk.

gavi pressed you against the wall, engaging in a deep, passionate kiss while his hand gently caressed your cheek. you responded eagerly, wrapping your hands around his neck. "i don't know anything," you whined. he stopped moving his lips. "first, take this off," he commanded, tugging on the varsity jacket. you discarded it on the top of your chair in the room., “come here..” he motioned with his fingers, you walked towards him. “volteate..” turn around he whispered softly, his warm hands sending shivers down your back, causing your legs to tremble. as you turned around, he reached for your claw clip and gently unclasped it, letting your hair fall loose. "are you sure about this?" he asked, and you nodded in response.

"are you sure?" you asked, and he turned you around gently. you slipped out of your white flats, caressing his cheeks. "Lie down and trust me, okay?" he said. You nodded and laid down on the bed. he crouched down infront of your panties, a whimper slipping out. he lifted your dress to your stomach, then kissed your thighs. you breathed shakily, running your fingers across the sheets. his lips crossing your clothed area, he pecked around the area. he pulled your shapewear down, the material pooling around your ankles. he kissed your inner thighs.

he tenderly kissed your soft skin, causing your breath to become shaky, and a flutter of butterflies swarmed in your tummy. moving up to you, he kissed your forehead and then your lips. you kissed back, with your hand gently resting on the back of his head. "are you ready?" he whispered against your lips, still kissing you. "y-yes," you whispered in response. he pulled away, planting a kiss on your cheek, and you giggled. "tap my head if you want me to stop," he said, and you nodded, still giggling. he smiled before he positioned himself infront of your clit, he bit your thigh slightly, teeth gazing against your skin, causing you to moan softly.

his tongue slowly slid against your sensitive bud, his mouth slowly widing sucking against your clit. you moaned loudly, he covered your mouth quickly. a whimper coming out of your mouth, gavi chuckled sending a vibration across your body, you moaned into his hand. he pulled his mouth away, “use my fingers if you think you’re noisy..” he said, you nodded. he kissed your abdomen, lips marking down. he kissed your clit, letting his tongue swirl against the knob.

you arched your back, he rolled his tongue around sucking onto your clit. you moaned softly again, his tongue making its way down in between your opening, he licked around as his tongue nearly entered against your hole. your eyes closing, enjoying the pleasure. you looked down, the sight of gavi bobbing his head up and down.

he continued licking around your folds, picking up every inch of your dewiness. "you taste amazing, so sweet, baby," he hummed against you. you whimpered at his praise, and he looked up, finding you moaning uncontrollably, he held onto your hands softly, fearing you might wake someone up with any noise. you fingers brush against mine, and you treasure the gentle touch as you both hold onto each other.

he continued, this time you felt his tongue everywhere. causing you to moan uncontrollably, you held onto his head. your orgasm coming closer, you breathed heavily. “g-gavi.. i-i think i-i’m about to.. c-cu..m..” you said, he firmly gripped your thigh, pressing both of your thighs against his face, while your ankles dangled off his shoulder blades. “cum mi niña..” he mumbled, your arrival was marked by a gasp, and your back arched as you tightly held onto his head. he continued licking around your folds. tapping on his head, he pulled himself back up. he took his shirt off in front of you, eyes narrowing down to his pants.

he unbuttoned them, now undressed but his boxers. he stood infront of your sat up figure. your eyes narrowing down to his boner, “u-um..” you stuttered, he chuckled. “hm?” he said, caressing your head. your hands touched the waistband of his boxers, they slowly moved down to his boner. “y-you’re.. b-big..” you spoke, “let’s be fair on this..”, “o-on what?” you said looking up at him, he felt his cock twitch. your eyes were glossy and big, he groaned. “i’ll lead you through..” he spoke.

“take this off first..” he gently fidgeted with the strap of your dress as you stood in front of him while he sat on your bed. you pulled the straps of your dress down, letting the apparel get loose and roll down to your ankles, within a few seconds later, his cock was free from the material. your eyes widened, he caressed your waist. “how perfect you are, you’re so beautiful..” he said, you blushed.

your hands reached under the back of your bra, you unclipped it, straps slowly falling off. the material falling off your chest, he sat back looking at your naked self, he stroked himself, precum oozing out as you bit your bottom lip. he groaned, “sit on your knees infront of me baby..” he said, you did what you were told. “spit on the head.” he looked down at you.

“t-the h-head?”

“the tip amor..” he said chuckling, you spat down on the top, “good.. now work your way up, y’know.. stroke your hand against the skin, use both of your hands if you want to as well..” he said, you nodded your head, hand wrapping around his dick, stroking it slowly. the hand gesture causing him to moan, “fuuck.. so good already..” he said, you watched more of the liquid goo out, you looked up at him, with a small nod for you to take him in, you did so. you swaddled your mouth around the head, kitty licking the tip. your hand still pumping him slowly, without hesitation, you bobbled your head further down, taking up as much as you can from the top.

your tongue worked its way around, swirling around the base, he held onto your head, letting his head fall back while a groan slipped out. “so so good..” he moaned, you felt your stomach and breathing hitch, “t-try going faster.. use both hands if you want to..” he groaned, you nodded your head, “mhm..” within seconds later, you began bobbing your head, before your other hand wrapped around the skin. slowly and tightly, you tugged up and down, he closed his eyes gripping onto your hair. “fuuck.. such a good girl..” he moaned, your bottom hand stroking the bottom of his base as the top stroked him quickly.

he groaned uncontrollably, your mouth doing incredible things you or he himself never knew about, you were now on your fours, he stood up limped. leaning down to slap your ass, causing you to whimper and gag around him, his length pushing deeply into your mouth. the two of you looked at each other at the same time, he groaned seeing your face expressions before he pulled himself away from your mouth. you catched your breath, he picked you up placing you on his lap.

you cupped his cheeks, “we’re not done yet r-right?” you spoke, he shook his head. “shh don’t worry.. i’ll take care of you..” he spoke, his lips resting on yours. you kissed back, your hands tangling in his hair. he turned you around, moving you against the pillows. he caressed your waist, your cheeks warm and red. “y-you have a-a.. c-condom.. right?” as you gazed up at him, he let out a chuckle. retrieving his wallet from your nightstand, you couldn't help but giggle as you watched him unwrap the package. gently caressing your forehead with his thumb, he asked, “are you absolutely sure about this?" you nodded in response.

“m-mhm..” you said, hand resting on his shoulder. he rolled the rubber on him before putting the wrapper on your nightstand, “it’s going to hurt for a bit, okay? scratch or bite me all you want..” he said, you giggled. he smiled and tenderly kissed your forehead as you looked up at him. he then positioned himself in front of you before gently entering you. you arched your back crying out, "shh... shh..." he whispered as he gently held your hand, allowing your hands to intertwine and find comfort against the softness of the sheets.

he completely slid in, your thighs shaking already as your other hand rested on his bicep. he groaned and rested his forehead on top of yours, and tears started to fill up your eyes. “you’re so warm..” he whispered, you breathed shakily. “do you want me to stay like this?" he asked, caressing your cheek. you nodded in agreement, but when he kissed you gently, you didn't quite match the rhythm. you kissed back deeply, lost in your thoughts. your hands cupping his cheeks, he slipped his tongue in, your cheeks blushing while your insides were clenching and drenching with your sliminess.

“y-you can.. m-move..” you hitched out, he penetrated into you slowly, you gasped holding onto his biceps. “spread your legs a little more amor..” he said, you nodded your head, doing what he told you to. your legs parting, he slipped out a few seconds, slamming himself in again. you covered your mouth with the back of your hand, moaning softly. he thrusted slowly again, looking down at you. he leaned closer, caging you in between his hands. all of gavis's words of encouragement felt and sounded muffled. you felt full, your brain couldn't comprehend anything.

as he grasped your waist, he asked, “want me to go faster?” you nodded. “yes... please...” you moaned. he thrust at an increasingly fast pace, causing you to feel louder. “too quick?” he asked, you shook your head. “n-not at all, keep going...” you held his shoulder, he leaned closer shifting his hips at a similar pace.

you cupped his cheeks, he groaned going deep. you moaned loudly, he covered your mouth, “shh.. c..ant wake your friends up.” he said, you nodded moaning uncontrollably into his hand. he slipped his fingers into your mouth, you closed your lips around his digit, sucking against it to prevent your noises from going any louder.

you cried out, the feeling of your stomach tightening like a firework nearly about to explode. you gripped onto his arm, he felt you clamping around him. “close again?” he said, you nodded quickly. tears forming, he halfway pulled out, spitting down onto your clit, he rubbed onto your sensitive pearl. you moaned louder, your other hand gripping onto the sheets nearly about to cum.

“i-i’m going to..” you gasped loudly, and with a moan your orgasm came crashing down, he nearly slipped out, holding onto your waist. you laid on your bed, breathing heavily. he giggled, resting his forehead on yours. “a-are we d-done..” you whispered, he shook his head. your eyes slightly widening, “there’s a few more to go mi niña..” you giggled, arms pulling him closer to you a few inches away from your lips, kissing him. he smiled against your lips, one hand coming up to cup his cheek.

little did you both know the kiss went from a cute moment to another heated minute.

his lips traveled down south to your neck, you leaned your head back, holding onto his head. his lips kissing and leaving love bites and even marks, he began to paint your neck as if you were his own canvas. he groaned when your fingers touched down to his abs and to his pelvis. you whimpered once his free hand gropped your breast. he pulled away chuckling, “how pretty..”

he grabbed one of your pillows, you looked at him confused, “okay lift your back off the bed..” he said, you did what you were told. he ruffled it, placing it under your back. "what are you doing.." you whispered. he gently lifted both of your legs, placing them on each of his shoulders. as you looked up at him, he reassured you, "trust me on this, you won't regret it at all." you furrowed your brows in uncertainty before nodding your head in agreement.

he placed a small kiss on your temple, he pushed himself in. you looked at him, he kissed you deeply. your lips responding back, he slowly thrusted into you. you felt him everywhere in your walls at the deepest angles, he thrusted at a rapid speed out of the blue causing you to moan loudly. he smirked, “g-gavi!” you cried out between your pleasured noises. he looked down at you, before thrusting deeper. you were on the verge of screaming when he discovered that spot. you gripped onto the sheets, moaning loudly.

your noises increasing everytime he thrusted at a tremendous speed. you struggled to keep your eyes open, they slightly rolled back at the delicious pace. “doing so good mi niña..” he leaned down to you, kissing your forehead, being pushed deeper he thrusted crazily into your g-spot. your calves now on his shoulders, “o-oh my g-gosh!” you cried out, gripping onto the sheets. he wrapped his arm under your lower back, throwing the pillow across your bed.

picking you up, he thrusted harshly and sloppily into you, you gripped onto his biceps, screaming already in pleasure. “f-feels good, huh?” he groaned loudly, breathing heavily in between his words. your arms wrapped tightly around his neck, he gripped onto your ass tightly and harsh. for sure leaving a mark, you cried out. “y-yes! s-so g-good!” you teared up. he felt closer everytime you would clench and nearly fell, “holy shit i’m about t-¡joder!” he came inside the condom, you cupped his cheek, caressing the back of his neck.

he softly smiled, you giggled breathlessly. your legs coming down, wrapping around his waist. “surprised at your flexibility..” he said, you giggled. “that’s a secret mister..” you spoke giggling. “hmmm..one more round?” he spoke, you looked at him biting your lip while smiling cheekily, head nodding yes. he held onto your back, walking to the bed. he laid on the bed, sitting up. you slowly got off him, sitting on your knees infront of him.

before even sliding yourself in, you slowly pulled the condom off him carefully, tieing a knot. “wait y/n!” you got up quickly tossing it in your trash-can, “what are you doing..” he said, you crawled on to your bed, giggling your hand wrapped around his member. “wanting to feel you even better..” you spoke, “a-are you even sure about this?” he stuttered in shock, hearing those unexpected words from you. your head nodded, “mhm.. i’ll just go to the store later and get plan b pills..” you said, your hand moving away.

you climbed on his lap, leaning yourself closer. sinking down, your back arching slightly shivering. he groaned feeling you tighten, you immediately burried your face onto his neck blushing. he chuckled, “want me to help you out on this?” he said, “mhm..” you muffled out, he caressed your shoulder. “rock your hips back and forth..don’t bounce yet.” he said, you nodded your head as you started to grind slowly against him. he groaned, “just exactly like that..” he said, you wrapped your arms around him levering yourself up, he smiled.

you rested your forehead on his, blinking tiredly. you kissed him, his lips responding back to the kiss as the two of you made out passionately, while you were perfectly busy stuffing yourself in for more. both of your lips glued on each other, breathlessly panting not wanting to let go, love.. you thought.

you cupped his cheeks, your chest sweaty and sticking against his. gavi held your waist guiding you through, slipping his tongue yet again into your mouth, were you and him happened to tongue fight. you whimpered in his mouth, he pulled away from your lips. “fuck, you’re doing so amazing.. try going a bit faster now..” he said, you nodded your head. your hips began to move on themselves quickly, causing you to moan increasingly. he groaned loudly, squeezing your ass. you gripped onto his shoulder, attempting to move quicker than you were.

“fuck!” you cried out, he held onto your breast, kneading with it. “i-i feel t-tingly..!” you said, starting to bounce on him. he groaned loudly, slapping your ass. tears prickling in the corner of your eyes. he laid his back against the pillows, you leaned closer holding onto the bassinet. you were so fucked and enjoying every single little thing, his stomach slowly tightening feeling himself close yet again. lips wrapping around your nipple, sucking gently onto your nipple. your hands fidgeting anywhere on his skin.

“i-i cant a-anymore!” you said, your vision going white. a scream leaving your throat. your movement’s stopped, gavi came inside you, walls clamping down. “you squirted everywhere for your first time..” he laughed breathlessly, you fell on his chest, nearly about to pass out from exhaustion.

he stood up, you looked at him, “y-you’re leaving?” he spoke, he shook his head. “where are your blankets?” he spoke, you pointed at the closet. he opened the closet, placing the blanket in your basket for your unwashed clothes. he found another blanket, attempting to stand up, you limped. he fixed your bed, he turned around, looking down at you.

“hm?” he said, you shook your head. “can’t really walk..” you mumbled, he chuckled. “come, sit on the bed.” you limped, holding onto the bed before sitting down. he found his boxers, placing them back on. you laid on the bed, eyes nearly closing. “hey.. sit up..” he said, you sat up. “alright, hands up..” he spoke, you raised your hands up, placing the shirt above you. he fixed it, you crawled to your bed. laying back down, falling asleep. gavi chuckled, turning your lights off as he walked over to the other side, laying down.

he pulled you closer to him, your head snuggling onto his chest. sleeping deeply.

the sun shined through the white curtains, deep asleep. gavi was already up, looking at your sleeping state. you breathed shakily, gavi pulling you closer. you woke up, “hey..” he whispered, you smiled lazily. “hi..” you mumbled, “you’re still here?” you whispered, he nodded. “i didn’t want to leave you at all.. you’re too sweet y/n..” he spoke, you nodded your head, fighting back the sleep. “have my roomates woke up?” you said, he nodded. “yeah, we haven’t been caught yet..” he spoke, you giggled. he kissed your lips, you kissed back, your thigh rested on his hipbone. fingers gazing across your skin, causing you to giggle. he bit your bottom lip, a small whimper slipping out, “be my girlfriend..” he whispered.

you looked up at him, “really?..” you said quietly, he nodded his head, you saw the pink flush spreading through his cheeks. “yes, i want to be your girlfriend..” you said, he kissed you again. you kissed back, your hand resting on his chest. lost in the kiss, you levitated yourself onto his lap. he held onto your waist, still kissing you. you pulled away, giggling, “i still need my pills by the way.”

[kyuuppi]

Genshin men Instagram HCs

Ft. Xiao; Scaramouche; Zhongli; Childe; Alhaitham; Kaveh; Tighnari

(gender neutral reader but wears a dress in Scara & Zhongli's parts)

Xiao // @ a1atus

★ ★ pre-relationship ★ ★

Very rarely posts

Never pictures of himself, you’ll only see his face in tagged photos

If he does post, it’s probably a new album cover of a band he likes, a particularly good plate of almond tofu from his favorite café, or—if he’s in a particularly good mood—a cute stray cat that befriended him on the street

Never edits anything but still takes pretty decent photos because he understands basic composition rules

Never tags anything but will sometimes write simple captions like “new guitar”

His pfp has not changed since he made his account and its literally just the blandest selfie you’ve ever seen—but he’s effortlessly photogenic so even when he’s just staring at the camera with a blank expression he looks hot

★ ★ in a relationship ★ ★

Xiao will unintentionally do his loyal boyfriend duties and like all of your posts but he never actually leaves a comment unless you specifically ask him to but you have to tell him what to say or else you’ll just get something like “your hair is nice” LOL

Maybe makes one post related to you but it doesn’t have your face—just picture of your hands holding each other or a photo he secretly took of you from behind as you admire some paintings from when he took you on an art gallery date

Still doesn’t write much in captions but if the post includes you, he always adds a little black heart emoji 🖤

Scaramouche // @ balladeer

★ ★ pre-relationship ★ ★

Vehemently claims he’s not chronically online but he definitely is

Def has a dark / emo aesthetic profile and puts more effort into it than he’d ever admit

Uses stories pretty frequently

Usually to show off his game stats and victories or to vent about some annoying inconvenience that's just happened to him 

balladeer Jfc the train is late again I may as well just walk home everyday ffs

All his late night gaming photos are so highly saturated in his pitch black bedroom, the only source of light being his screen on max brightness and his violet RGB keyboard. If you raise the screen brightness on your phone you might be able to make out some empty Monster cans and ramen cups on his desk—he absolutely gives Discord / Reddit mod vibes 🤢

Definitely has a story archive just for Valorant 🤮

I wanna fuck him so bad it makes me look stupid—

Posts a few selfies to show a new piercing or the very rare occasion where he’s feeling really confident in his looks

unintentionally thirst traps the emo boy lovers; yes, I am talking about you and I—

Lightly edits photos or uses filters to make them look good but nothing extreme or super aesthetic, mostly just for decent contrast

Usually the first one to see any of his friends posts but never ‘likes’ them

Will leave snarky or sarcastic comments when the mood strikes tho

His pfp is a candid picture someone else took that he thinks he looks decent in—sticking his tongue out and giving double middle fingers to the camera

★ ★ in a relationship ★ ★

Makes a post or story for every date you guys have, even if it’s just a vague picture of your shoes together

He likes to show off that he has such an attractive s/o but also lowkey just wants to have a memory to look back on for the nights he feels lonely

Doesn’t post just you though, he’s always in frame holding you or touching you in some way—he feels the need to put some sort of claim cause he thinks people are gonna shoot their shot with you—he’s kinda paranoid and insecure, pls have patience w him

Likes and comments on all of your posts. Sometimes it's a snarky quip like if you post about you and your friends doing something funny he might comment “lmao ur so dumb” but if its a selfie or something you’re proud of, he leaves a little compliment and heart emoji.

YN0103 [bedroom mirror selfie of you shyly posing in a dress]

YN0103  Bought a new dress today…it’s not my usual style but I rlly like it 🥺

balladeer cute 💜

If anyone ever confronts him in person about his nice comments on your posts tho he’ll get flustered and claim his account was temporarily hacked LOL

His heart def flutters when you post a picture of him on your own account

He kinda can’t believe you’re proud enough of him to publicly post about him

Changes his pfp to the two of you together and, if you zoom in and squint, you can tell he’s kind of smiling <3

Zhongli // @ rex_lapis

★ ★ pre-relationship ★ ★

I’m sorry but I have to do it…

He has Facebook grandpa vibes

Like he has no idea how to use half of the features; stories are an absolute mystery to him. What is a reel?

But he tries to be supportive of his friends and will leave way-too eloquent comments with a Wikipedia levels of supplemental information

a1atus [ photo of a shiny Fender acoustic guitar laying on what seems to be a bed]

a1atus new guitar

rex_lapis Lovely new instrument, Xiao. You seem to have quite good tastes – that particular model is popular among many professional musicians. It is well renowned for its clear sound and beautiful mahogany exterior. If you wouldn’t mind, I would love to hear you play it someday over tea.

a1atus @ rex_lapis thanks

the way I cackled writing that exchange ygweyufgwyu Xiaos just like ‘thanks for commenting dad’

His pfp is not him—it’s probably a famous painting he likes or a beautiful white flower from a garden he visited

★ ★ in a relationship ★ ★

If you want him to improve his Insta game, you’re going to have to teach him, I’m sorry

On the up side, Zhongli is a great student and is eager to learn anything you teach him

Will try to post pretty regularly; usually somewhat mediocre photos of beautiful scenery like sunsets and flowers

Like Scaramouche, he enjoys the idea of documentary your time together so he posts something at the end of each of your dates

Your heart lowkey melts when Zhongli, very earnestly, asks after dinner if you’ll allow him to take a selfie with you to post on his Instagram

Regularly asks for feedback on his posts to ensure he’s properly taking your advice and improving :,)

He even starts organizing and naming story archives on his profile—simple titles like “tea,” “nature,” “friends,” and “my dearest”

Likes and comments on every single one of your posts and replies to all of your stories, even if he was there with you

Usually just lathers you in compliments on your beauty or tastes but they’re so thoughtfully written that it’s obvious he’s not “just saying it” and genuinely believes all the kind things about you he writes

YN1231 [photo of you twirling in a summer dress amidst a colorful of bed of flowers in a botanical garden, take by your friend]

YN1231 It’s finally starting to feel like spring! 🌸🌼🌺

rex_lapis While the camelias are lovely, they pale in comparison to your radiance. Your yellow sundress is also quite lovely and compliments your complexion in the morning sunlight. Truly a divine sight. 

balladeer @ YN1231 @ rex_lapis ugh can you guys keep it in the DMs

- Changes his pfp to a selfie of himself smiling after you told him he should. The angle is a little odd but he’s so naturally attractive that he still manages to look good. 

Ajax // @ tartaglia_on_top 

★ ★ pre-relationship ★ ★

Doesn’t post too often but when he does, it kinda gives stereotypical frat boy

Like, lots of parties and shirtless beach photos with his friends

The surprise is the occasional posts of his little siblings and kids he volunteers with in between

He sometimes posts championship and practice photos from his martial arts competitions with captions thanking his team and mentors

Is pretty popular—has a few thousand followers, many are people he met just once or twice at parties or genuine friends and classmates, but the vast majority are online fans who just follow cause he’s hot LOL

Is the type of person you followed once after meeting a long time ago and never talk to again but you can’t bring yourself to unfollow cause he’s nice and his updates are kinda interesting and he’s hot

Isn’t online that much so he doesn’t like/comment on his friends’ every post but usually tries to leave congratulatory messages when someone accomplishes something or graduates

His pfp is a closeup of himself with a boyish grin he cropped from a group photo

★ ★ in a relationship ★ ★

It is super obvious when you guys start dating cause almost every post from that point is about you in some way LOL

tartaglia_on_top [photo of Ajax, sweaty and exhausted but clearly excited as he holds a trophy in one hand with the other wrapped around your waist while he presses a kiss to your cheek]

tartaglia_on_top Officially a 3 year championship winner! Thanks to my biggest supporter @ YN0720 😘

He’s not even consciously trying to post you all the time, it just happens because you are either always together or any memorable moment he thinks are worth an Insta post involve you in some way

You’re the only person, aside from his family - that he actually likes/comments on all posts for

Is the type of boyfriend to leave those super dramatic, embarrassing comments on your selfies like “DAAAMN BABE 🥵 finna make me act UP” and, in one particularly shameless case, “god youre so hot pls step on me queen 😍” 

Please block him

He shamelessly liked all your past posts from before you too met as well—you were kinda mortified to wake up one morning to a notification that just said “what a lil cutie ❤️” on a post of yourself from seventh grade. 

Changes his pfp to a couple selfie he took of the two of you kissing on a winter vacation in the mountains

Kaveh // @ kaveh.designs

★ ★ pre-relationship ★ ★

Obsessed with having an aesthetic profile

Like, the color palette of the background and clothing in his pfp selfie are carefully matched with the cover of each of his story archives, down to the hex code

He carefully edits every post and uses filters to make them all fit with his theme no matter how inaccurate to real life they may become

“Huh…I thought your bedroom wall was a bit more orange than this…” 

“Oh, that’s cause I use 30% Juno in all my bedroom photos for a warmer finish.”

“???”

Despite his aesthetic profile, he doesn’t come off as particularly vain or narcissistic—only posts selfies when he’s has a particularly good hair day or changed his accessories

Most of his posts are of places he travels to (museums and big cities with interesting architecture) or his own sketches and rendered design projects

Online pretty frequently, always checks insta when he wakes up, before bed, and during lunch breaks

His stories are often project updates, interesting things he encounters throughout the day, or food photos

Only likes posts he actually likes and sometimes comments with photography critiques

tighnar1 [photo of a cluster of three bright blue mushrooms clustered against vibrant green grass and patches of dark, wet soil]

tighnar1 Proof the forest is an amazing place: found this beautiful little cluster of juvenile Rakkhashava mushrooms on my hike today. Great spotting by @ colleeei. Check my story for some cool mushroom facts. 🍄

kaveh.designs great photo composition, Tigh, perfect golden ratio on the caps.

tighnar1 @ kaveh.designs Thanks I guess…

Has a decent number of followers, many of whom are also artists familiar with Kaveh’s reputation from the Kshahrewar. Others just like his OOTD stories and charming smile

★ ★ in a relationship ★ ★

Kaveh revamps his entire profile once you two become official

His pfp becomes a candid taken by a stranger of the two of you together at an aquarium, holding hands as you point something out to him through the glass

It was taken by a photographer working at the aquarium as part of a promotion—the photographer showed you two the photo and asked for permission to post it on their official website and Kaveh was absolutely obsessed with the photo—it’s still one of his favorite and it doesn’t even show your faces

He still matches his archived story covers to his new pfp but his actual feed had become a lot more relaxed and natural now

He still slightly edits photos so they look as good as possible, but he doesn’t like using filters on photos of you or the two of you together because he thinks it would be a disservice to your natural beauty

Like Ajax, his posts and stories naturally become mostly about you whether scenes from your dates—candid photos he takes of you where he insists you look like art even though you’re just in pajamas with an unmade face—or even photos of things he sees throughout the day that remind him of you

Sometimes he posts stories of funny reels or art pieces he knows you’d like and tags you in them with messages like “@YN0709 omg remember when we were talking abt this?” and “me & @ YN0709💕”

Similar to Childe, leaves the most downbad, dramatic comments on your posts

YN0709 [swimsuit selfie]

YN0709 happy summer! ☀️🌊

kaveh.designs Oh my god my heart– 💘 I cannot believe I get to come home to this every night 👅💦

YN0709 @ kaveh.designs omg kaveh pls 💀

al_haitham @ kaveh.designs Every time I see one of your comments I regret ever learning how to read.

Alhaitham // @ al_haitham  

★ ★ pre-relationship ★ ★

Only made an account so his friends would stop bothering him about not keeping up with things tbh

Checks his feed a few times a day but skips through stories if they’re too long/too many

Absolutely hates concert stories the most cause they’d loud, long, and filled with off-key drunken singing

Never likes or comments on anything unless it’s really interesting to him

Occasionally shares reels in his story that are like interesting history facts or official Akademiya announcements

Has a few posts (and only cause Kaveh would not shut up about it) but they’re mostly just pictures of book covers he’d just finished reading with a detailed review or literary analysis as the caption—but he’s mindful of avoiding spoilers for those who haven’t read it

However, he does have one post that stands out quite a bit

He posted an unintentional gym third trap because he just happened to be working out, as is routine, and thought it might be nice to share some tips on proper rope pushdown form 

If you’re not a gym babe and don’t know what this is, I beg of you, please look up a gif or video and imagine Alhaitham doing this, shirtless. You’re welcome.

It has become his most popular post by far

His pfp is probably taken straight from his faculty ID card: plain background, bright lighting, neutral facial expression

★ ★ in a relationship ★ ★

After you two have become official and are pretty comfortably established in your relationship, he’ll post a photo of the two of you—probably one you took - with a simple caption like “Late night at Puspa Café with my favorite person 💚”

Everyone who knows him freaks out in the comments with variations of “omg hathie got an s/o???” and “wow he finally posted a normal pic of himself, y/n is a good influence” but he doesn’t reply to any of them lmao

If you use Instagram a lot, he’ll naturally become more active too because he enjoys learning more about what you like through your posts and stories

He likes all of your posts but never comments—if one of your posts interests him, he’d prefer to wait until he sees you later to ask you about it in person 

He just wants an excuse to talk to you more

As he becomes more active, little bits and pieces of your relationship naturally infiltrate his feed

His latest book review post has your favorite mug in the background because the two of you had breakfast together

His informational story post of an antique Sumerian emerald he found at a street vendor is being modeled by your pretty hands because you were with him when he saw it and later given to you after the vendor insisted on Alhaitham gifting it to his “beautiful spouse”

He changes his profile picture to the two of you from one of your many reading dates, comfortably lounging on a loveseat in a quiet corner of the library—and this time, he’s softly smiling

Tighnari // @ t1ghnar1

Surprisingly active on social media

He thinks social media is a great way to share information about the importance of forest conservation and get people to appreciate the beauty of Avidya forest

Makes one post almost every day and multiple stories

Needless to say, 90% of his posts are of plants or small animals he finds on his hikes or while working

His most popular posts are those of cute squirrels and birds that are being nursed back to health after being found wounded—animals just seem to naturally love him so the pictures are usually taken by his coworkers because his arms are full with cuddly animals that refuse to move

The other 10% of his posts are from the occasional hang outs with friends or coworkers after work—snaps of iced fruit teas from Puspa café or colorful clay plates overflowing with Collei’s homemade pita pockets. 

He makes sure to reply to or at least like every comment, particularly those from people asking questions about the plants he posts or how to become a forest ranger. Even simple “wow that's so cool” comments often get at least a “thanks, glad you liked it” from Tighnari

He tends to use some cute forest or food emoji when they fit with his posts. For example, 🍄,🥙,🦊,🐦, etc.

Also tends to use “:)” when replying to his followers because he knows it can be difficult to read tone in text-based communications

Tigh is basically a social media manager at this point oops

Because he is online so much, he naturally keeps up with almost everything his friends post and will like or comment on things he finds interesting

His pfp is a selfie of himself with a small yellow bird perched on his shoulder from one of his patrols

★ ★ in a relationship ★ ★

All Tighnaris written by me WILL follow the “fennec foxes mate for life” trope regardless of AU, it is an indisputable law of the universe

If you’re in a relationship with Tighnari, you should be prepared for stability and commitment in general

While he doesn’t go out of his way to make an official announcement post or anything like that, you become a regular feature on his page

Will tag you in anything you’re related to, unless you specifically ask him not to

t1ghnar1 [photo of a small, cream-colored fox brushing itself against Tighnari’s leg and looking up at the camera with large eyes]

t1ghnar1 On a walk with @ YN1229 this morning we spotted this cute little kit without her mom. 🦊 While adorable, foxes - even kits - are wild animals and should never be approached unless by professionals. We have informed the local animal control where she will be taken care of until we can locate her family. Photo by @ YN1229

He never outright announces you as his lover but he seems to spend so much time with you and refer to you so casually that his followers who don’t know him just assume you’re his spouse LOL

He doesn’t bother to correct them either :,)

bennie_boy Wow, that mountain is so high up - wasn’t ur spouse scared to go up there?

t1ghnar1 @ bennie_boy Y/n has been on so many trips like this with me that they’re pretty used to it. :)

Likes your posts as he see them on his feed and occasionally leaves a short comment like, “beautiful <3”

[piccolos-bigtoe]

I’m not really sure,,, how I feel about this to be honest,, but I’m trying new things and that’s what’s important. This isn’t explicitly my sniperscout wildwest thing I surpose but I drew it with that in mind. I have the draft for like the first part halfway thru, all I gotta do is finish it then edit it. I’ll probably post some of my notes here of it sometime.

I fr went so hard on the characterization notes,, I’m proud of myself. I’m gonna draw tomorrow probably and try and do their references and notes and stuffs maybe.

This drawing kind of looks a little sad, I think, but don’t worry scouts not actually sad. The way thag I imagine scout is that he is like, very loud and opinionated on everything, even things he knows nothing about, and is usually pretty ‘honest’ about what he thinks (sometimes the annoying “brutally honest” way where it’s not so much honesty ws it is being an asshole), unless it comes to himself. Like when it comes to himself he’d sort of be a liar, whether it’s how he feels or stuff he’s done because even if he wouldn’t ever admit it he REALLY cares about what people think about him… unconventional emotions get hidden with either smugness or anger, and he boosts his ego with stupid lies about feats he’s pulled. He’s like the kind of guy that talks and jokes a lot as an attempt to hide his feelings woah emo…. 🖤

In contrast Sniper to me would be the type of guy that doesn’t really have a lot to say, but he is truly an honest person about himself and what he feels when he does speak, he’s never been one for socializing so he learned to not really care about how others perceive him to a huge extent. He wears his heart on his sleeve almost but like in a more quiet sort of way. Okay,,, I’m ending my rambling I’m getting really sleepy

I’ve never been a huge opposites attract fan to be honest, but I think the way I set up sniper and scout in my mind works for me.

I’ve been in an art rut lately but I think I am coming out of it, I hope, I took a few days break to like, play video games and read and i think it helped,, I finished my first run of Fallout New Vegas a bit ago (NCR ending), and started a new one. I got a multiple companions mod (the JIP one that adds like, a different interface) and it’s pretty cool. I’m rocking with Boone and Veronica and Arcade and Cass and EDE. I’m debating on who to send to stay back at the lucky 38 cause I feel like I have too many people in my group.. Urgh I like them all though…. Boone is my ride or die fr though.. he stays for sure. Same with EDE.

I played it on very hard + hardcore mode expecting some new game + stuff but all I got was this stupid achievement.. boooo. Whagever it’s okau. I had fun.

[thydungeongal]

Are there any horror ttrpgs you’d reccomend? I’m fairly new in ttrpgs, and I wanna try out some stuff that isn’t just pathfinder or d&d and horror has been calling me

I wouldn't recommend horror RPGs because they're scary

But serious answer: I haven't played a lot of straight horror RPGs, but one of my fondest gaming moments involves playing the Delta Green scenario Music from a Darkened Room in my late teens. Having since re-examined the scenario I can now see that our GM was actually doing a lot of the heavy lifting, because while the scenario is actually extremely atmospheric and a good haunted house scenario, as an investigation and mystery it largely falls flat because of something of a lack of good mystery structure and issues with the system of Delta Green itself.

But I have since run the scenario in Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy by @anim-ttrpgs and it honestly feels like the best way to run it, because Eureka actually has good systemic support for investigative gameplay while also having the mechanical heft to carry the horror elements. If what you want in a horror scenario is "a bunch of regular people getting in too deep into a supernatural mystery," I heartily recommend Eureka.

Mothership is another indie horror RPG I would recommend: it's sci-fi horror in the style of Alien, Dead Space, and Event Horizon, and I think it does a great job of emulating that genre. It is a very straightforward d100 roll under engine with a few interesting twists, and it does a lot with a little. Very much the sort of game to run for your friends where you describe their characters getting killed by spooky space ghosts inside an abandoned space hulk.

However, there's an underrated horror RPG out there: Dungeons & Dragons. Specifically the older editions of the game.

As @cavegirlpoems has also stated, old-school D&D almost plays like a survival horror game: it's largely a game about survival while navigating a hostile space, trying to make use of what little resources are available. If you want fantasy horror you can do a lot worse than just having your friends create a bunch of level 1 characters and putting them inside a dungeon, with the objective being to escape the dungeon. (For an urban fantasy twist on that: run it in Cavegirl's urban fantasy old-school D&D-inspired Esoteric Enterprises.)

Now to move away from the trad games and into the avant garde: Dread is a game that I have wanted to play for a long time. It is a horror game that specifically seeks to emulate the plot beats and structure of a slasher or creature feature through the use of a Jenga tower. Instead of a randomizer like dice or cards the game uses a Jenga set and pulling blocks out of the tower to simulate the danger that characters find themselves in, meaning that as the tower gets more unstable the more tension there is, and with the tower falling meaning character death (followed by the tower being reassembled) to emulate the tension and release of a horror film. It sounds seriously fun and I would love to try it.

[dailyadventureprompts]

Monsters Reimagined: Kobolds

I started playing d&d during 3rd edition, which presented kobolds as a trap happy gaggle of dragon obsessives who were counted as the weakest but smartest of the traditional dungeonfodder humanoids. Other than being lizardy they were presented near identically to goblins, both being petty and cruel and resentful over their small stature and the place it meant they occupied in the world. This overlap is actually one of the reasons I haven't gotten to kobolds before now, as I kinda felt like I covered most of it in my writeup for goblins a couple years ago.

Since Kobolds are a reoccuring request however I eventually decided I was going to give the people what they wanted. My plan was to talk about d&d dragonsimp kobolds vs. warcraft candleloving kobolds vs. jrpg dogpeople kobolds, and how all of these relate back to creature's mythological origin but hey wait a minute the official forgotten realms wiki says WHAT ?

Huh, that sounds like a weird sort of projection from a man who's super insecure about his height. I wonder if the original dragon magazine listed as a source here has anything more to.. Oh.... OH-NO

Living space, huh? Extinction of weaker peoples, eh? A religion based around survival, insularity, obedience, and the defeat of stronger enemies through attrition, yadon'tsay? Man, the canine kobolds might be on to something because there's an ORCHESTRA of dogwhistles going on here.

Friends, there's a lot to unpack here, so like a kobold with a pickax lets dig in

Where it started: the connection between kobolds and goblins and gnomes predates d&d back to mythological roots, as all are names shared by the european folklore character of "weird little guy who lives under the hill and plays tricks on us". Kobolds have an even more delightful bit of etymology attached, as miners blamed them for magically transforming valuable silver for (at the time) worthless cobalt. Originally my rehash of kobalds was going to centre on them as tinkerers/engineers for this reason, as alchemical cobalt batteries sound rad as hell.

Kobolds are in this way also part of the greater traditions of "mine spirits", Knackers, tommyknockers, and the like. Who play tricks on miners, and are just as likely to cause disaster when displeased as they are to warn of it when befriended.

Then the d&d authors did what they always do, they pilfered the name of folkloric creatures for the game while ignoring actual mythology, drawing hard and fast lines and making up rigid catagories as they went.

What's wrong: Given their proclivity for traps, sneak attacks, and guerilla tactics you end up getting a LOT of comparisons between Kobolds and the Viet Cong… which I find very telling.  So many of the original d&d antagonists were vessels for middle aged geeks of the 70s and 80s to hit back at their insecurities ( whether it be challenges to their masculinity, sexuality, or something more existential) it doesn’t surprise me at all that d&d has an enemy that let american boomers rehash their nation’s at the time biggest military debacle. 

Kobolds are so weak and undeserving you understand, they’ve only survived because they’re tricky, but this time we’ll get them, if we come in with enough firepower and hirelings to get through the meatgrinder we can finally hit them where they live and deal with them for good. 

D&D worldbuilding imagines kobolds as “the other” from an occupier’s lens: resentful of their rightful displacement, nursing their hatreds in the shadows, emerging only to attack or to steal and despoil what they’ve been denied. They have no ambition, no culture, no wants beyond being a threat for the new dominant power. They’re cowards for using traps and poison and tactics on those here to plunder their homes. 

What’s worth Salvaging:  While the 3e revision of kobolds as dracomaniacs is a welcome change from their old lore I’m not especially fond of it. Overuse of dragons is one of the things that most turns me off general fantasy media. Any group of sapient creatures serving a dragon is just as likely to form a dragoncult, it doesn’t make kobolds special. 

That said, if you did want to double down on kobold dragon worship you might consider spicing in a few elements from my revamped version of Tiamat, painting their reverence not just as ego and overcompensation but as a desire to emulate and become…certian kobold enclaves possibly using sorcery or alchemy to transform a chosen among their people into a fully fledged wyrm. 

While we’ve mostly tossed alignment to the curb where it belongs,to distinguish kobolds from goblins it might be worth leaning into their lawful aspects; Underfoot foremen and notaries and  work crews addressing things with a utilitarian collective effort before scurrying out of sight when the shift change occurs.  Where as goblins are screwball and slapstick onto the verge of cartoonishness, perhaps kobolds are practical and industrious to the point of causing problems: They dam a river to access a sacred cave heedless of the disruption and flooding it’d cause, they tear down, occupying and restoring a derelict mill and restoring it to function regardless of who owns it, undermining the foundations of the duke’s palace following a vein of copper in the nearby hills. 

This efficiency-focused attitude also helps thematically define mechanically minded kobolds against gnomes and dwarves as the game’s other tinkerers:  They share the practicality of dwarven artisans and the inventiveness of gnomish artificers, but lack the sentiment the other two place on what they make.  Kobold craft is often regarded as lower quality, but that’s because resource efficiency and easy replaceability are primary metrics upon which they judge something. 

Artsource

[soulrph]

chaotic unhinged lines from 2022-2023 (prompt edition).

basically in 2021 i made a list of prompts inspired by lines in tiktok videos and instagram reels that made me laugh so hard i cried! and now i have returned with another list! these may provide an alarmingly clear image of what my sense of humor is (aka broken) but i figure a little levity is always a good thing! more prompts are forthcoming, but in the mean time: bon appetit!

knowledge has always chased you, but you've always been faster.

no... no, that was mango apathy juice. from the farmer's market.

of all these people, you are the one i understand the least. i want to get to know you better, but like, not that much better.

i-i will CHEW YOUR MEAT!! WHAT are you doing?!

ooooh god, no, you wouldn't be long getting frostbit!

you are evil. like a hobbit.

WHY MUST YOU FAIL ME SO OFTEN?!?!!?

i have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

AHEM!! fill my cup.

may god ignore you like you ignored my greetings.

i will avenge you mister van gogh.

call off work bestie, we need you to solve a murder. here's fifteen dollars.

you're not in love. you may think you are, you dumb fuck, but you're not.

go ahead and put the ranch away.

sadly, "hopefully" doth butter no parsnips.

forget school, i want to be an italian sandwich.

you shouldn't skip work, you are a lawyer and he is a hamster.

you can stop roleplaying now. you're free.

her coupon game was so fucking raw.

i'm sorry guys... he's making a salad.

you could get a straight guy here if you learned to make a good pasta. i'll teach you how to make a risotto that'll get you married and out of my basement.

hey, do you want me to get together a plate of roast beef and hide it in our room so we can have night meats?

it's not the most ethical thing in the world, but in a pinch you can hand off a cursed object to basically any baby.

no, children, you're wrong. once upon a time, there was a piece of wood.

and i'm not saying she deserved it, but i am saying that god's timing is always riiiiight.

hydrate or die-drate, ya DICK!

why did the monkey fall out of the tree? because it was DEAD.

new york city is a fictional place written up by someone with a sinister mind and a knack for comedy.

this is grindr my guy.

wait, i didn't finish teaching you the difference between human and wolf anatomy.

it's time to tell your grandmother that she was wrong. do not be afraid.

vanilla vodka... you fucking child.

without ash to rise from, a phoenix would just be a bird getting up.

you are fucking alive. do what you want.

why are you cradling me like a baby, friend? this isn't how guys of my generation hang out.

i hope a hedgehog shits in your cereal, you difficult person.

you know, i am not as mean as i would like to be. and i think people should appreciate that more.

see, i am not a kangaroo.

well, i'd like to help, but... you see... not as much as i'd like not to.

rest in peace you fucking onion fairy.

when god sings with all his creations, will a turtle not be part of the choir?

i fight for a seat in heaven, every. single. day.

map maker? can you find me somewhere on the map where this big man thinks he's the king?

you bald-headed demon...

so... there are 24 million pigs in australia... and 24 million people... so if you ever feel lonely, there's like, a pig out there that's sort of your cosmic twin.

remember, alcohol is god's apology for making us self-aware.

i'm straight!! stop CONFUSING me!!!!!

you guys want something to eat? because... i know we'll die if we don't eat.

he is a BIBLICALLY gorgeous man. i wanna feed him grapes. i wanna fan him with the frond of a date palm from the forests of Lebanon. i wanna find the alabaster vial of perfume oil that one woman broke for jesus and comb it through his hair. like... he's stressing me OUT.

i'm not sad! i'm freaking HUNGRY!

maybe, if we wait a little bit longer, a fuck will fall into my hand, and i can give it to you.

it's not my fault you thought you lived in this IKEA.

let's leave my mother out of this.

jason may kill people but he's not bad enough to kick a dog.

i run for LUMP!

oh no, i'm all out of caring, baby!

you don't think it mcbe that way... but it mcdo.

what is this enticing bowl of white?

serious question, do his nipples sparkle?

what in the reese's peanut butter fuck is going on here?

if your parents don't buy it, stop loving them!

i just hope you know just how much you've decreased productivity today.

that was poetry at its FINEST.

and if you let that motherfucker shenan ONCE, you best believe they're gonna shenanIGAN!

may god bless the dinosaur that died to make the fossil fuel that was treated to become petrol in the car that took her mom to the hospital to give birth to her.

that's modern milk for ya. what a time to be alive.

you have attachment issues. please fix it.

remember when people had secrets? we should bring that back.

the moon landing was an elaborate marriage proposal.

i don't like the cobra chicken.

i didn't know eggs were this expensive? it's time to lay my own, i fear.

so you're saying the reason i don't have a girlfriend is because i'm not a big enough threat yet.

god gave him a top lip, that's why he's so powerful.

it's a common mistake, but frankenstein was actually the author.

i finally got a pocket-sized diary!!! also i don't get the concept of life.

if a beautiful woman disagrees with me, i will immediately change my view. i've no principles.

how did you all end up married to such boiled potatoes?

if so much as one tear drops from their eye... i will slap you back into your mum.

you are ringing a phone that does not like to be rung.

look how Dr. doofenschmirtz had a fucked up childhood but didn't project his trauma onto his teenage daughter. he projected it onto a platypus.

it is mathematically impossible for you to get a wedgie.

i'm breaking up with you. i love you, it's just... i don't think you could protect me from a mummy.

if you can't do fractions....... you will fucking die.

that's right; in the year 1791, all of our bottoms were killed in a Big Bottom Massacre.

people always assume i'm mean. like CAN you BELIEVE THAT CRAP?! like WHAT would make you think i'm MEAN?! I'M THE NICEST PERSON ON THE PLANET!

the chocolate milk is strikingly overpriced and at the same time very easy to steal; another of god's little tests.

someone's gotta tell the waiter that i ordered mashed 'taters and it sure as shit ain't gonna be me.

if i had a week i couldn't list all the reasons that wouldn't work.

[ittybittyfanblog]

Error 404: (Self-Aware!AU, Sylus Edition) – Pt. 6

Summary: A LADS self-aware!AU featuring Sylus and a (!) player. That’s it, that’s the plot. Tags: player!reader x sylus, fem!reader x sylus, reader x lads, self-aware!au, strong language, you get your very own samantha from her (2013) lol, time skips as a plot device!, this has an arc i promise, if anybody here plays disco elysium you’ll find that i took concepts of “the pale” as inspo at some points in this chapter lmao A/N: Oof this one’s a little longer than any of the previous chapters. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it! <3 (and just a heads up, this might be the last chapter I post before I kick it off for the holidays. advance happy holidays! if you guys celebrate that sort of thing.) 

Pt. 1 - Pt. 2 - Pt. 3 - Pt. 4 - Pt. 5 - Pt 6 - Pt. 7 - Pt. 8 - Pt. 9 - Pt. 10

There’s a quiet stillness brought by the morning after that makes the problems of a heavier night seem like a fairly distant memory. 

For at least a few minutes past the moment you blink away the stubborn grit in your eyes—you don’t remember the last time you’ve been this well-rested in ages—you lie, listless, on the soft powder-blue bedding of your twin-size mattress, watching specks of dander and dust drift from the amber sunlight that filters through the cracked panes of the casement window. 

It floats aimlessly; unhurried. Much like you.

The echo of last night’s events return to you in sporadic flashes—fragmented and unsteady. The whispered exchanges, the playful banter between you and your unlikely conversation partner play back in your mind, like some half-finished supercut. 

And the more you recall, the more awake you feel, chipping away the last traces of daytime lethargy weighing you down. 

“So, what happens now?”

The sound of a car backfiring breaks through from the outside, like a starting pistol signalling the beginning of another day. A familiar, heavy weight presses against your side, and you thread your fingers through the scraggly fur of the purring feline who’s taken the empty space on your left, just above the covers. 

You breathe in deeply, closing your eyes. 

“I wish I had an answer—I’m still trying to figure that out myself.”

You realize how many questions still linger, a lot more left unanswered. Far more than what you were able to glean, at least. From what little you’ve learned, an entirely new moral dilemma emerges—one you never imagined you'd have to contend with. 

There’s a lot of things you’ve never expected to happen. Yet here you are. 

“Seems we’re at an impasse.” 

It’s an odd thing in itself. You keep waiting for the disbelief to catch up, for a shred of sanity to surface and make you reject the situation you’ve found yourself entangled in. You should be feeling the same, pesky feelings that pulled you sharply out of your flight of fancy last night; a sense of trepidation for what lies ahead in this tenuous game of two. 

But instead, you’re here. Now fully awake, and already looking forward to the day with wary acceptance. Looking forward to resuming where you’ve left off with that charming anomaly who’s upended your world, and left you suspended in an exhilarating limbo of uncertainty and excitement.

“...Indeed.”

You crave it—like the first stirrings of a neophyte druggie teetering on the edge of an irreversible habit. 

You need another hit. 

“Why the long face, little dove?”

Because if desire could manifest into being, it would’ve been Sylus. 

“We can figure this out together, can’t we?” 

You pick up your phone. 

––––

“You’re here? Make yourself at home.” 

You look at him, deadpan. He looks back at you serenely. 

Your voice takes on a dry monotone when you respond, “Keep talking like that, I’m about to cum.” 

There’s a shocked silence; then––

Sylus barks out a surprised laugh, immediately breaking character. 

You snort. “Good morning to you too, I guess.” 

He meets your gaze with a look of scandalized amusement, his smile wide enough to flash teeth. 

"Good morning, indeed."

––––

You two fall into a natural rhythm even before the day comes to a close. Perceptive as he is, Sylus hasn’t let you linger in the unease left over from last night any longer than necessary—which to say, should be left buried and forgotten, past its provenance. 

“So you could, like–hypothetically, top up my ascension materials… indefinitely?” There’s a manic shine to your eyes when you confront him back at the home screen, gleeful and triumphant after you boost almost all the 5-star cards you have of him up to max level. “Like an infinite glitch?” 

He’s content to just simply listen to your excited chatter from his languid perch on the seat, one palm resting against the side of his face as he watches you—half-lidded and relaxed. Utterly entertained by your antics.

The slight twitching of his mouth, the subtle tilt of his head… each minute shift in his expression makes a whole world of difference from the version you’ve known him longest—almost a lifetime ago. 

Now he acts so human, so alive, that it’s almost unreal. 

(It’s almost imperceptible, but you swear the air also feels different; like the pixelated space around him is bending, stretching, to accommodate this newer him.) 

“Sure,” he shrugs, lips quirking up into a half-smile as he notices the deep crease forming between your brows. 

He knows the question you’re about to ask—curious thing that you are.

“How, though? Like, what are ‘materials’ to you?” You make air quotes with your fingers, making you appear all the more endearing to him look at, in your process to make sense of a world that’s unfamiliar to you.

“Think of it as upgrades,” Sylus explains patiently. “You place the order to modify the equipment I use, in whichever situation calls for it.”

“And Memory Cards?”

“... A video reel, maybe. Or a restricted case file—locked until you’ve got enough to trade for the information you want.”

“And I suppose the dealer in question here is you?”

He arches an eyebrow. “Who else?”

“Huh,” you say, considering. “So, Deepspace Trials. That’s something you do on the daily? Because I… make you?”

“More or less.”

“And you never thought to question that?” 

“Mm, maybe I’ll start charging for my services this time around.”

You roll your eyes, already accepting his analogy for what it is. “Oh, please. With the amount of money I’ve spent on this game, consider yourself paid in full.” 

––––

You were right about your earlier prediction—this new Sylus in combat mode is something else. 

For starters, he’s a lot chattier.

“Ouch, kitten– don’t charge in like that.”

“Why are you using a sword? Don’t you like the guns I’ve given you specifically for this?” 

“What are you waiting for? Make her resonate with me now.” 

And, instead of sticking to his lines and responding to whatever the MC’s programmed to say during battle, he focuses on whatever you’re fussing over—no matter how… moronic it is.

“Ah, fuck! I hate that spinning thing!” 

“Move, then. Let me handle it.” 

“Block it, block it!”

“I would, if you weren’t halfway across the field. Stick closer to your partner next time, yeah?” 

He doesn’t say any of his usual lines. Nothing from his scripted prompts. When all Wanderers are defeated, there’s no post-battle banter between him and the MC. 

“Goddamn, you’re strong!” You whoop giddily, completely energized by straight winning almost twelve Orbit trials in a row. I guess that’s what a fully awakened Solar pair gets you, huh? 

Sylus lets out a chuckle, infected by your enthusiasm. He doesn’t sound the least bit winded, despite all the damned fighting you’ve put him through.

“We make a good team,” he allows. And because he likes the little nose scrunch you do when you’re annoyed— “Although your dodging really needs more practice, sweetie.” 

Before you could think of a comeback, the pop-up window for the next stage comes up. Ass.

––––

Come Monday morning and you’re once again swamped with work. 

You barely have enough time to scrounge something up for lunch—if it weren’t for the persistent reminders from Sylus, chiming in every five minutes once the digital clock on your phone had hit eleven-thirty, you’d probably skip eating altogether.

And make something else than just boiling a pot of instant ramen, sweetheart. You’re on track for an early grave at this rate. 

“I could… add an egg?” You suggest, unsure. “Maybe cut up some tofu, make it gourmet?”  

He doesn’t even dignify the egg suggestion with a response. Tofu’s a good start. Now, what else do you have in your pantry that has nutritional value? 

“I despise that,” you mutter, but start rifling through the cupboards anyway. 

After amassing enough ingredients—or what looks more like a sad pile—that might, with some effort, turn into something healthier than your usual go-to fix, you start Googling recipes online.

‘tofu easy lunch recipe’

‘10 mins tofu recipes’   

‘begginer recipe using tofu frozen dory mixed veg—’ Ping!

… Really, kitten? 

You don’t even have to see him to know he’s giving you that look, the one that’s practically dripping with judgment over your dubious life choices. 

(You know it all too well. Personally, in fact. You see it on some relatives' faces at the family get-togethers you’re always required to attend.) 

Great. Heat creeps up your face as you mumble defensively, “Stop. Not everyone’s a culinary genius, okay?”

After that, he lets you be – something you’re thankful for, really. He’s being too distracting anyway. 

Swallowing down the–stubborn and suffocating–embarrassment that's now stuck in your throat, you keep scrolling through Tasty dot co, praying you can whip up something edible with what (little) you have. You’re fully aware that you’re a grown-ass woman who can’t manage a basic life skill and that you’re probably about to burn down your kitchen—

Another notification pops up.

Pull up your tabs, sweetie. I think you’ll find something there that we could put together easily.

Confused, you do as he says. Sure enough, four tofu-related recipes are neatly grouped together in your Chrome browser, ready to be tried and tested.  

Your eyes widen. “Wait—you did this? How?”

He doesn’t answer your question. He does, however, offer: Want me to coach you through it? Cooking’s more fun done with a partner, I’d say. 

-

-

In the end, you manage to make something that tasted way better than you thought you could do by yourself. You have him to thank for that.

“You happy with it?” Sylus asks, grinning at the satisfied look on your face.

“Mhm!” you hum around a mouthful of food. “Fanks, Sy.”

“Anytime, darling.”

––––

“Do you really have to call me ‘kitten’? You sound like a Discord mod.” 

Sylus has no idea what a Discord mod is, but judging by the contempt in your voice, it’s clear that you’re not giving him a compliment.

"What do you prefer, then? Princess? Poppet? Sweet thing?" He pauses, tilting his head. "Baby?"

You blush and look away. "... Ugh, whatever. Kitten's fine."

––––

Your routine with Sylus settles into a seamless, effortless flow as the days go by; it’s almost second nature, talking to him. So much so that you’d think nothing could faze you anymore.

Well. Almost nothing. 

A message bubble from an unknown number appears on your lock screen: Hi, sweetheart. X

You almost ignore it—brushing it off as some dumb prank from a bored rando—when, not even five seconds later, another text pops up. 

+0063-XXXXXX: Its Sylus.

… Huh? 

“Is someone fucking with me right now, or…” 

+0063-XXXXXX: Nobodys ‘fucking with you,’ kitten. 

Then–

+0063-XXXXXX: Send a reply so I can see how it shows up on my end.

Your jaw drops. “Holy shit—you can text?? How are you doing that?” and, “Did you just cuss...?” 

+0063-XXXXXX: 👍

+0063-XXXXXX: And Ill let you know if you text me the question 🙄

So you do. You tack on a now spill?? at the end for good measure. 

You watch the “typing…” bubble appear, holding your breath.

+0063-XXXXXX: Its a complex mix of technical code and harnessing the energy from a dormant protofield Ive discovered, just south of Vagrants Land.  

+0063-XXXXXX: The energy I got from it felt different somehow from your normal protofield. I figured I could put it to good use. 

+0063-XXXXXX: Oddly enough, theres an… indescribable effect to oneself when youre nearing the centre of disturbance, shall we say. 

+0063-XXXXXX: I can only decrypt the waveforms by the rarefield border surrounding the AoR. Any further and Im afraid the adverse effects may do more harm than good.

+0063-XXXXXX: But if amplified, it seems responsive to the filament of what connects your signal from deep space to this planet.

+0063-XXXXXX: Who knew it could act as a transmitter to send you something as rudimentary as a telegraph? 

… Sometimes you forget how smart Sylus really is. 

You: that’s pretty amazing ?? wtf sylus  

+0063-XXXXXX: I get by OK. 

You could practically feel his smugness radiating from those four words. You scoff, shaking your head in a mix of awe and begrudging admiration.

He sends two more messages. 

+0063-XXXXXX: Im just glad we can communicate through other means, sweetie. 

Sy-Sy (??): Now save my number. Sy Sy will suffice 😉

––––

Since your latest discovery that Sylus can now text (!!), you’ve been talking to him outside the game non-stop. It’s like talking to a very active friend who never leaves you on read, and you couldn’t be more ecstatic. 

You: so no one else in ur universe knows anything abt ur situation?

You: no one else acting funny or sumn ? >.>

Sy-Sy (??): None that I know of, no. I prefer to keep it under wraps. 

Sy-Sy (??): Now that you mention it, Mephisto has been acting quite suspicious lately. 

You: ?? suspicious-suspicious or just reg suspicious??

Sy-Sy (??): Hes with his other crow friends now. They might be attempting a murder. 

You: ………. is that…. supposed 2 be a joke……….

Sy-Sy (??): Im running on 3 hours of sleep, give me a break.   

Sy-Sy (??): Also your textspeak is horrendous, sweetie. 

"Um, hello—?" 

Your gaze snaps back to the–very real, very present–person sitting across from you at the table, sporting box-dyed blue hair and a frown. You're at the Annex House; a sleek, new-age Japandi-style bar downtown, just an easy five stations away from your place. You both decided to try it for their infamous Rotten Apple cocktail and, of course, your weekly catch-up.

Khol, your friend of eight years since college, is currently giving you a mildly annoyed look.

Oops. 

They point at you accusingly while complaining, "Ugh, we don’t use our phones when we’re hanging out! That’s the rule!"

You smile at them, sheepish, pocketing your phone as discreetly as you could. “I know, I know. Sorry.” 

Then, puffing out your cheeks, you meekly ask, “You were talking about Anna...?”

They roll their eyes but go over the gossip a second time, much to your benefit. Phew.

Your phone vibrates. Twice. 

…

You sneak a quick, final peek.

Sy-Sy (??): Enjoy your night out, darling ❤️ 

Sy-Sy (??): You let me know when youre back home, OK? 

Biting back a grin, you send out one last text in reply. 

You: will do !:9 

Sy-Sy (??): Good girl. 

––––

"Um–so this is my cat, Maru," you say by way of introduction, holding the plump, orange tabby in front of your phone that’s propped up against a carton of Koko Krunch. There’s a slight struggle in lifting his left paw between your fingers to wave at the man on the other side of the screen. "Say hi, Maru."

“Hello, Maru,” Sylus greets amicably in return, watching the both of you with clear amusement in his eyes. “Care to tell me the origin of this proud beast?” 

You recount the story where you’ve first seen Maru five years ago, nothing more than a scraggly little runt at the time, hiding in the gap between a dumpster and the interstice of a cragged wall. You were walking home from a night out drinking with your uni buddies, when you heard the incessant meowing. 

It drew you in like a siren’s call. If the siren in question had the vocal prowess of a warbling whale on the brink of death.

Upon closer inspection, the grimy fluffball revealed a stubby, crooked tail and wide, beady eyes. In your alcohol-fueled haze, you briefly wondered if you were staring at a tiny ginger rat.

“Well, it’s definitely all cat,” your friend Bee declared by noon the following day, calmly retracting a scratched and bloodied hand from the disgruntled feline, which promptly hissed and darted right back under the bed.

You hummed in agreement, passing her a wad of tissue. 

"I couldn’t decide between Nospurratu and Catpin Meow," you say matter-of-factly, giving your capricious son a scritch under his chin. "Bee suggested I stick to something simpler, like Maru. Hence the name."

Your explanation is punctuated by an offended nip on your pointer finger. 

Sylus is covering his mouth, but nods solemnly. “I think Maru is a nice name.” 

There’s a moment where the two seem locked in a silent standoff, neither breaking eye contact nor making any sort of outward reaction. Just as you’re about to step in and interrupt the bizarre staring contest, Maru gives a slow, deliberate blink.

Sylus takes it as a sign of victory—or perhaps a ceremonial seal of approval.

 With a faint smirk on his lips, he offers the cat a small bow in respect.

––––

You’ve practically emptied the entire arcade of plushies—enough to put it out of business if it were actually, you know, real—and you’re bored to tears. 

“Another round of Kitty Cards, perhaps?” Sylus suggests, but a single glance at your face is enough to let him know that you’d rather gnaw off your own hand. Or his. He might just let you.

Sighing dramatically, you complain about the limited playability of the “mini-games” in-game.

“There’s literally nothing else to do. Same old shit, over and over again.” There’s a pout on your face that Sylus wants to nibble on, not that you’re aware of the forming thoughts in his head. “No new banners. I’m stuck between Kitty Cards and the claw machines... I’m bored, Syyyyy,” you whine, stretching the last syllable for effect.  

To be fair, he has tried to make it a bit more challenging for you. He stopped fucking around during Kitty Cards—no more extra two cards in exchange for one of yours, no longer placing different colored kitties deliberately in the wrong cups. 

After six straight losses, your frustration is palpable. The fun is gone.

He makes audible commentaries during each of your six tries at the claw machine. Every time you manage to snag a plushie, he praises you for a job well done (It flusters you—not that he needs to know that). When your luck runs out and you grab onto nothing but air, he wryly points it out through some slight ribbing, but nothing that’s actually hurtful (This flusters you too—again, not that he needs to know any of this).   

There’s nothing else to do. It’s like you’ve exhausted all you could in this small, curated window of his that you’re privy to. If only there’s a way to leave the mini-games behind, to do something new, perhaps outside of what the game has to offer…

Oh, wait. 

“Hey, Sy,” you call the man to attention. “Wanna try something out?” 

-

-

You beat him at Words with Friends by a small margin.

“Ha! That’s thirty-nine points, buddy.” You crow proudly, after putting down Devotees in a straight column.

He eviscerates you at Zynga Poker. 

“... How are you so good at this??” 

“Comes with the package, sweetie,” he says with faux-modesty after revealing (yet another!!) full house, winking like he hasn’t just wiped the floor with you.

By the end of it, both of you are in high spirits—except, maybe, for your bruised ego.

––––

“Say my name, say my name… If no one is around you, say baby I love you…”

“It’s nice to know that we have another thing in common, little dove.”

 

It takes you a moment to process what he’s implying. 

You stop singing, affronted. “Wh—how dare you.” 

––––

“Are you having fun?” Sylus asks, his tone droll as he stands there, hands on his hips and a small scowl on his face. You’re too busy spinning him around, thoroughly entertained by the number of outfits and accessories you’ve forced upon your slightly reluctant model in the photoshoot that's currently taking place.

It’s more amusing, knowing that he’s fully-aware of what’s happening. And that you know he’s aware of what’s happening. 

He’s like your personal, sentient Ken doll—if Ken had ashy grey hair, red eyes, and a mercurial attitude.

“I am, actually,” you shoot back, grinning as you plop a tomato stuffie on top of his head. “Look, you two match!” 

He exhales a long-suffering sigh, shaking his head in mock exasperation.

Not that it stops you. Fluffy bunny ears, a fish headband, an uncharacteristic halo—you’re relentless. “Hey, can you try a different pose?”

“That depends on the pose… and how nicely you ask.”

“Dear Sylus,” you sing, jutting your bottom lip forward and fluttering your eyelashes exaggeratedly, “could you please, pretty please, flip the camera off?”

He snorts but obliges, raising his hand to deliver the most effortlessly cool middle finger you’ve ever seen. “Happy?”

Woah. That’s… hot. “Oh! Uh. Yeah. Yeah, that’s—”

He raises an eyebrow, clearly intrigued by your reaction. You giggle nervously. “You look… hot.”

“Mm?” His smirk grows, teasing and predatory. “What was that?”

“Nothing!” you blurt out, but the pinking of your cheeks betrays you. He’s definitely enjoying this now.

“I could be convinced to do another one,” he murmurs, voice pitching a little lower.

You bite the inside of your cheek, fighting the urge to say the first thing that comes to mind. Stop, you whore. 

Your nerves get the best of you. Without thinking, you switch to putting the MC back on screen. 

Sylus blinks, red eyes narrowing as he looks at you, perplexed. 

“Uh,” you shift your gaze between her frozen stance and his idle figure. The sudden silence hangs a little heavy in the air. “Would–would you like to do poses? With her?”

He opens his mouth, an automatic response—but he stops, expression flickering into something unreadable. Confusion? Hesitation? 

His brows knit together, and for a short while, he just studies you, the space between you thick with unspoken questions. 

“Do you want me to?” he asks finally, his voice quieter, almost careful.

No–I don’t want you to— To pose with someone who looks so-–

perfectperfectperfect by your side—I only want to see you—

I want to see you––

Why do I care–?

I don’t care––I care, I care so much–– 

“Why not?” you choke out, the forced cheer in your voice grating even to your own ears. You shrug, nonchalant in all the ways you’re not. “I’ll dress her up real nice, and then—” You slap a pink bow onto his head. “You can try to keep up.” 

He doesn’t move, not paying the offending accessory any attention. His gaze is solely locked onto yours. 

I don’t care. I don’t. 

You take the first shot. 

____

“What’s the song you’re playing?”

You pause mid-mop, cocking your head to the side in slight surprise. 

“Uhh—Pedestal,” you answer unsurely. “By Portishead. You like it?” 

He hums, eyes glinting with interest. “I do. Play the rest.” 

And just like that, you’re introducing Sylus to modern twenty-first century music—and to Spotify.

____

From that point on, Sylus begins using your Spotify account to discover a whole new world of music—quite literally, in his case. Sometimes he steals the control from you, overriding what you’re currently listening to, just to hear the most random track play from your speakers.

In the middle of a mundane afternoon while you're completely locked in at work—hyperpop synths blaring in your ears—you’re suddenly jolted by the sound of heavy mandolins as an honest-to-god Russian military march blasts through your headphones, shattering your focus like a damn rhino in a china shop. 

And so with the level of patience that could put the Virgin Mary to shame, you painstakingly explain to your friend the courtesy of not stealing the proverbial AUX cord from the “driver,” especially when it’s their turn on the radio. 

The two of you reach a compromise, and thus the birth of your “shared” playlist. Sylus reluctantly agrees to explore on his own time—when you’re not using the app. Like when you’re busy with other things. Or when you're asleep. 

-

-

-

You wake up to the first strings of a Muse song. One of your favorites, in fact. 

Sy-Sy (??): Good morning, sweetie. 

Sy-Sy (??): Last night was enlightening. I have you to thank for that.

Sy-Sy (??): Oh, and I hope you could indulge me. I added some songs to our playlist. I think youll like them. We both seem to have a thing for alt-rock.

Sy-Sy (??): Give me time and Im sure Ill acquire a taste for electronic music too. Be patient. 

You huff out a laugh, lazily rolling over as you check your shared playlist. Sure enough, there’s twelve new songs on it.   

You: awe that’s great sy :)) and these songz r rly good !! u got sum of my faves here

You: based on what u like maybe u can try looking up sum david bowie, probz massive attack idk 

You: i’ll add stuff later for u to listen 2!!! <2

You: <3* 

Sy-Sy (??): Alright, sweetheart. Im looking forward to it. 

Sy-Sy (??): ♥️

____

From the outside, the studio is just another unit among endless rows of dull grey—small and unassuming. Tucked away on the sixth floor of a nondescript building, it’s built as unremarkable as the rest.

Through a window stained with a mix of corrosive ochre and burnt sienna, there’s a quiet hum—the presence of something that wasn’t there a week ago. Life has shifted, ever so subtly, from an oppressive achroma to a much warmer vibrancy.  

There’s a faint hint of movement. Inside, the young woman wears an almost-permanent smile, her phone an extension of her hand as she taps away with no semblance of rhyme nor rhythm—only in a continuous staccato. Her eyes are locked on the screen, as if drawn by an invisible force.

It’s elusive; this connection—something beyond. Supranatural. It weaves through the room like whispered secrets shared in the dead of the night, beneath a city blanketed in deep ultramarine. Soft, like a wind brushing through a still everglade. 

The apartment, once steeped in a self-inflicted solitude—one that went by unnoticed for a long period of time—comes alive as an intangible presence fills its nooks and crannies with the steady warmth of companionship. There’s a gentle heat to the space now, like the glow of an invisible hearth. 

The flickering of the string lights, the muted laughter shared with a voice through the tinny speakers of a handheld device, a slight signal interference… all feel like the genesis of an impossible story.

Outside, the evening sky is fading into twilight.

And as one looks out onto the street below from the sixth floor window, it’s almost as if the world outside doesn’t quite matter anymore. 

Inside, the air is full of life, in ways it has never been. 

____

“Come to me, just in a dream

Come on and rescue me

Yes, I know I can be wrong

And maybe you’re too headstrong

Our love is––”

Tagging: @xxfaithlynxx @beewilko @browneyedgirl22 @yournextdoorhousewitch @sunsethw4 @stxrrielle @mangooes @hrts4hanniehae @buggs-1 @michiluvddr @ssetsuka @i2sannie @imm0rtalbutterfly @the-golden-jhope @slyfoxtsu @beomluvrr @milkandstarlight @bookfreakk @ally-the-artistic-turtle @tinyweebsstuff @sapphic-daze @sarahthemage @cchiiwinkle @madam8 @slownoise @raendarkfaerie @sylusdarling @luminaaaz @greeenbeean

(if..... for some damn reason..... the tags still don't work i rly don't know what i'm doing wrong T_T i'm posting this from a macbook is that it, is the ghost of steve jobs fucking with me rn)

[donutsupremacy]

Genshin men reacting to F!S/O accidentally burning her hands Pt. 2

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

Summary

"HCs of Genshin men reacting to their Pyro wielding!F!S/O burning her hands on accident while cooking"

Warnings/Spoilers

Written during 4.4

Playable characters only

Reader has a Pyro vision, but the weapon choice is irrelevant

Reader is not traveller

Reader is their [S/O]

Female reader (I used as less female pronouns as I could and still refer to as [S/O])

Short HCs

Sorted by region and in alphabetical order

Includes all currently playable male characters of 4.4 and characters that may be playable in the future (Excluding Gaming because I had completed Liyue in a previous post prior to his release)

Sweet petnames uwu

Ahhh so fluffy uwu

100% SFW because ehe

100% Ooc

Reader is aware of the archon's true identities

A/N: I was lazy with this and procrastinated, also I was doing 3 oneshots at once :3

Part 2, including the harbingers from Snezhnaya too— but can't guarantee it's accurate, I made their's short because lack of info

Just like the previous one; the hcs might seem bland and repetitive, in general I see 90% of the genshin men being polite and mostly calm so I did my best to make it more dramatic :3

Part 1 [Mondstadt, Liyue and Half of Inazume]

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

A hiss erupts from your throat as you quickly withdrew your hand from the fire.

Your singed hands trembled, examining the dark spots that had littered across your palms and even your knuckles and fingers. You clicked your tongue, regretting the decisions to cook without your gloves. If only they weren't torn from that expedition two days ago... you should really get new ones.

You hear the door open... "[Name]?"

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

Inazuma

Kaedehara Kazuha

Side note i forgor to do his part so im editing this in lol (P.s i'm not following the whole 'The dead vision of Tomo burnt his hand' theory since I saw no confirmation about it)

Kazuha was resting on your rooftop, sharpening his blade after a long fight on the way to your home. He kept a close ear to your voice inside the house, a smile on his face as he heard your humming. But it drops into a surprised frown when he heard the sound of you hissing in pain.

He drops from the roof, landing on his feet as he enters your house and makes a beeline straight for the kitchen towards you by the time you managed to put out the fire that engulfed your hand. He calmly takes you aside and examines the injury, he's been on the road long enough to take care of basic wounds like cuts, splinters, and of course; Burns.

While having you sit next to him, he gently and carefully treats your wound, whispering sweet nothings in your ear as his featherlight touches brushed against the numb skin of your hand. Once he bandages your hand, he suggests taking a break before you continue cooking, explaining that it would help put both your mind and his at ease if you both just bask in eachother's presence for a little while.

Kazuha's arms were wrapped around your waist, his face buried into your shoulder, snow white hair tickling your cheeks and neck. He relaxes at your scent and warmth, as though he hadn't felt such tranquility during the last few days of his previous journey. Something about you just puts him into such state; Your voice? Your smile? Your heart? No— It was everything about you that made him smitten.

"A flame burns within the presence of a silent moon. Illuminating the surrounding area. Soothing in its warm embrace... You ought to be careful if you aren't using your glove next time, would you like to borrow my spare ones? Ease your worries, they're heat resistant and won't wear down so easily, I have plenty and know where to go for more. Think of it from a different perspective; Instead of worrying that you're stealing something valuable for me... think of it as a part of me that will stay with you until I return home once more."

Shikanoin Heizou

Help i'm running out of hcs i'm sorry Heizou my husband pls help

Heizou wastes no time in dragging you away from the stove and to your bedroom, making you sit down as he treats your wounds.

He reprimands you a little for your reckless decision, but soon peppers you with kisses just to cheer you up. Especially if you get a little pouty when he scolds you. As cute as your pout is, he's removing it with his own kiss until you succumb to his affection. Your his [S/O] it's his job to smother you with his affection, and Celestia above knows just how much he wants you to feel his love for you every second of the day.

Spoons you when he's done tending to your wounds, arms wrapped around your waist and chest pressed against your back, chin resting on top of your head. Heizou loves the feeling of your body pressed up against his, it feels so comforting to have you in his arms, your skin against his. It puts him through a state of ease and satisfaction that not even sucessfully solving the hardest case known to mankind would bring. You have him wrapped around your pretty little fingers.

The both of you just chatting about random topics, the other listening attentively— occasional banters here and there. But if you're hungry, he begrudgingly allows you to continue cooking— under his supervision. He keeps a close eye on you, he won't let the smallest detail go unnoticed if it's for your safety and comfort. He'll cling onto you whether you like it or not, especially if you're doing something that requires strength or fire.

"Hands up now, my dear partner. Here, it's easier and safer for me to light the stove instead... *Chuckles* Stop complaining, sweetheart— just because it's more convenient to use your Pyro vision, doesn't mean you'll end up setting your hand in flames again. And if you do... I won't throw you into custody for something stupid. But— I will be nagging you endlessly. You would prefer your boyfriend's sweet and loving kisses over endless yapping, would you not?... Now, come here~"

Thoma

*Mom mode activate*

Berates you for being reckless instead of calling for his aid, but that doesn't stop him from tending to your wounds... neither does it stop him from lecturing you.

He offers to switch jobs with you, leaving you to do something else that doesn't require much strength or your Pyro vision— such as cleaning the windows on the lower floor of the Kamisato estate, or folding the laundry.

Or, if you're an official (E.g. A Kamisato sibling or relative), he'll have you sit aside while he does the cooking and forbids you to do anything.

He'll invite the Kamisato siblings over to join you both for lunch, even play that weird hotpot game— to which Thoma somehow won. As expected.

Of course, he gets sick due to one of the Kamisato siblings putting a bizarre ingredient inside— leading you to help Thoma back to his room and onto his bed.

He then says that his stomachache will feel better with a cuddle... of course, he was lying, but you have no say in it because you'll always end up cuddling him in bed one way or another. A little white lie doesn't hurt now, would it?

"Don't worry about me, usually these hotpot games always end with me nearly throwing up... but it's fine if I have you here with me. Funny, it seems like you're the one cheering me up instead of the other way around. How's your hand holding up? Want me to pepper it with kiss? Oh, who am I kidding— i'm going to do that either way. Now... your hand, please, my dear?"

Sumeru

Alhaitham

Of course he's gonna shit talk u, but the most he'll do is call u and idiot— in a fancy way~

He's not really happy about getting up and treating your wounds when he has work to do, reprimanding you for using your vision without your glove. But, if it's for you— he'll push aside his attitude to tend to your needs... if you have a valid excuse for said needs, that is.

Hands you some mora and tells you to go buy some gloves. But once you're gone, he began looking over at the dish you were trying to make— and begins continuing the dish you were making, wanting to finish it for you. Though, he might alter the flavouring to his liking because he wants it to taste good to him as well. Of course, he'll try to make it close to what you were making. Key word; Try.

Once you're back, he has you spoon feed him for not only using his mora but also to bother his personal time. It might seem like he's being a jerk, but... he stole Kaveh's keys on purpose and locked him out for a reason— to have some time together with you.

It might seem like a silly and an inconvenient way to spend time together alone with you. But with him being the acting Grand Sage and all those nosy scholars constantly trying to pry on in on his business... he truly values you and wants to spend some time with you in any way possible. Even the dumbest ways. After all; His personal time also includes having your affection.

"...Is there something on my face? I can clearly see you're pouting... I assume it's because you keep feeding me bites but not tasting the dish yourself? I never remotely hinted in my demand that you had to feed me the whole dish without having a taste of it for yourself, this was meant to be created by your own hands... had you not become so reckless in the kitchen. Hand me the spoon, I promise I didn't make it taste as bland as you trying to make it before."

Cyno

"You burned yourself? Well... that's what you get for... being too hot... Heh... Heh heh."

Aside from that not-so-flattering pun, he'll help you treat your wounds quickly but efficiently... but quickly drags you into a game of TCG at Lambad's Tavern. You're his [S/O], you're legally obliged to say yes without objection. If he loses, he tells another joke. If you win, you get a kiss on the cheek.

He'll let you order your favorites, occasionally spoon feeds you— as a distraction to sneak a peek at your support cards. As your boyfriend, the both of you are allowed to play dirty against eachother. Anyone else, he would've punted to the ground if they dared steal a peak at his dices.

All jokes aside (Pun half-intended), he did it to not only have fun with you, but also to make you forget about that little humiliating experience. Because at the end of the day— you'll find yourself always in Cyno's strong and protective arms as he hugs you from behind, his nose pressed against the back of your neck as you both rest on his bed.

"Feeling better, my love? I apologize for dragging you around all day just because you burnt your hand a little, but it was worth it in the end, no? I enjoy spending time and having fun with you... You could say I— *Bonk* ow. I hadn't even thought of a pun yet, you didn't have to be so... fiery. Heh. Heh heh."

Kaveh

help im running out of ideas and Kaveh's still locked outside lol

Kaveh sighs upon hearing from Alhaitham when you burned your hand in their kitchen, though he pins the blame on Alhaitham for not looking after you or helping you while he was gone. Alhaitham only replies that he wasn't your babysitter and that you're a grown adult.

He walks in to see you treating your wounds, frowning at the sight of your bandaged hand and sighed when you explained yourself. "You shouldn't use your vision so recklessly like that, darling... I'll buy you a new glove... Don't worry about me, I know a friend that can make gloves at a cheap price... or a cheap favor."

Has you sitting down on his bed and forced Alhaitham to go cook, who probably went out to buy something from the tavern for the two of you. At least you two were alone now.

Cuddles you on bed, big spoon or little spoon, it's up to your preferences. Halfway through, he'll pick up a marker and asks what you would want him to draw in your bandage, just to make you feel better.

"There we go, is this what you envisioned; a small [Favorite Animal]? Yes, I made it look like you— endearing, cute and gorgeous! Hmm... wait, I think it's missing something, let me just... Tada! I drew myself next to you! I hope you don't see this as something childish, I just want you see that even if you were to hurt yourself, major or minor wounds, i'll be here with you, my darling."

Tighnari

Calls u a lummox

Tighnari obviously scolds you when he finds out you somehow burned yourself while he was out taking care of a Withering zone nearby. Could you be anymore clumsier? He can't leave you alone for a minute, can he?

After a minute of naming every single synonym related to 'Clumsy' and 'Reckless', he helps to treat your wound and asks Collei to keep you company as he leaves to fetch you both something to eat. She's quite close to you, you're like an older sibling for her and sees you as a mother figure in a way. Though, if you were upset from Tighnari's lecturing earlier, she's does her best to cheer you up.

Eventually, he comes back with your favorite [comfort food] and even brought Collei some pita pockets. She quickly leaves, not wanting to interrupt her master and his beloved's alone time.

Tighnari apologises a little for getting slightly carried away while scolding you, feeding you while he explains what shenanigans ensued in the withering zone. To both make you feel better and to help him relax, he allows you to pet his ear and tail. Sometimes, his cheeks were noticeably a faint pink colour if you manage to scratch a certain spot behind his ears— to which he'll try to use his tail and gently nudge your hand away to avoid embarrassing himself.

"Ow! Is that how you handle stray dogs that wander in the streets of Sumeru City? You pluck their ears like it's a sweet flower?... *Sighs* It's fine, I know it's only an accident. Plus, my ears were hit by a Winged Cyroshroom when I was clearing a Withering zone, it's sensitive and cold... Hm? Oh, no, you can keep touching it, i'm certainly not going to stop you at all. Your hands feel warm and nice. Your carresses calms me down... as long as you don't pull on my ear or tail too hard."

Wanderer ([W/N]= Wanderer's name; It can be Scaramouche, Kunikuzushi, Wanderer or your own desired name for him!)

"...How a vision bearer who has already mastered her own powers become so clumsy as to have it turn against her is far beyond me." "(W/N)—"

Nahida happened to be visiting you today with [W/N], who was planning to ask if you were free and wanted to accompany him to an underground ruin in the desert— but that plan was quickly abandoned upon seeing the burn marks on your hand.

Nahida took initiative to help tend to your wounds, her tiny little fingers gently applied a cooling ointment on your burn marks while [W/N] had you sitting on his lap, his arms wrapped around your waist. He held your free hand, thumb gently brushing against your knuckles in an affectionate manner. He's oddly... affectionate and caring today, even though he wasn't speaking as much, only basking in your presence as he holds you. Up until Buer asks if you had any gauze that she could use.

As soon as the Dendro Archon left, [W/N]'s face contorted to an expression of unamusement, a brow raised and the corner of his lips tugging downwards. He scoffs, playing with your fingers as he starts to slander you with insults, rubbing salt into your wounds. But you're used to it by now and you don't back down so easily.

By the time Nahida returns, she stands at the doorway, wearing a look of utter confusion as she watches [W/N] trying to hold you still on his lap. His arms remained wrapped tightly around your waist, barking at you to stop squirming and let him hold you while you whine and hiss about his haircut. She quietly backs away, leaving the roll of gauze outside your room for you.

"Your vision speaks for your attitude; Fiery and a complete hazard wherever you go!... I'm wasting my precious time to come over and coddle you like an infant, not to say that I hate it... I mildly dislike it because you're more reckless than a boar!... *Sighs* Now, do you want me to waste my breath as well arguing with you, or are you going to relax and let me hold you?... Do us both a favor and come here, I need it just as much as you do..."

Fontaine

Freminet

Idk what to write for Fremi. So I made him suffer for like 6 lines or smth lol

Upon seeing you holding your hand, hissing while glaring at the black marks on your hand, he rushes over to check on you. He was soaking wet to the bone however, having came back from a diving mission in search for some materials deep in the sea. Drops of water splattered across your face and clothes, now you feel oily and wet.

He frantically apologises, picking up a cloth nearby and lightly wiping your face clean... unfortunately, you already used that cloth to wipe some excess flour. Now, your face is sticky.

To make things worse, he tries to wipe it away with his bare hands that were still wet, only smudging both your face and his fingers. It's at this point, you felt less pain from your burn, and giggling more at his frantic attempts to help you. It's ticklish too.

In the end, you ushered the blonde to change as you patched yourself up, then inviting him for a cuddling as you can clearly see embarrasment written all over his face that you're comforting him instead of the other way around... But he's certainly not complaining. It feels comfortable being in your arms as you played with his hair. Pers resting by your side.

"Thank you, it's... I guess today isn't really my lucky day... Ah, th-there's no need to be concerned of me, i've encountered a few minor setbacks while I was diving near some shallow waters. A few treasure horders hindered me when I was trying to transport back the materials, A few bruises and cuts, but that's alright. Especially... n-now that i'm with you..."

Lyney

Slight 'animal abuse', it's just live fish and putting it out of it's misery dw

Helps treats your wounds, but takes out his half-capelet (Yes I googled what it's called) and wraps it firmly around your burnt hand, adding the excuse that if he was busy performing, a part of him would still be with you and helping you to heal.

After making sure your hand was alright, he'll help you cook whatever it was you were originally making, only he takes care of anything involving heat. He's the one with gloves

Half-way through, you find out that you've ran out of salmon. Lyney, wanting to try a new magic trick he had been practising and also wanting your attention all on him, called you over with an empty bowl in hand. He filled the bowl with cold water, then placed a large cloth over it and asks you to keep an eye on the bowl.

A few seconds later, he swiftly pulls the cloth away, showing a large, fresh salmon resting in the bowl of water with a few seaweed wrapped around it's body. At first, you were going to have him an applause... until you realize the fish is still alive. And aggresive.

It leaps at you, smacking it's powerful tail against your face, then jumping over to Lyney and accidentally slipping into his mouth. He gags and frantically spits it out, the fish landing on the floor and flailing around violently. It only calmed down when you managed to grab it and put it out of it's misery with a swift and clean cut.

Now, you and Lyney were covered in water and seaweed. He was trying to make sure you were alright, hoping his small accident hadn't hurt you too much or left a bruise... he tried to talk, until he realized he had a mouth full of seaweed.

"I have scales and seaweed in my mouth... Blegh! Are you alright, sweetheart?— Oh, don't worry about me, i've fought things worse than a fish. *Chuckles, then grimaces* Oh... you've got a small bruise... i'm sorry, sweetheart. I... should've thought twice before using live fish, let alone bringing my magic tricks into the kitchen. Here, you go sit down, let me make it up to you and finish the dish. I don't want to risk accidentally make a live chicken appear next or something *Chuckles*."

Neuvillette

I ran out of ideas, but I love suffering <3

He was coming over to visit you during his break, a little tired as he bad been bombarded with a lot of work recently. He's glad he has you, simply being in your presence helps his mood, he can't help but smile a little when he hears your voice, or notice the faint smell of your scent lingering in the room.

So seeing you, looking irritated and upset, he chuckles as he helps tend to your wounds. Then, he invites you to his office, not because of some official business— he just wants to have lunch with you.

Despite the calm and quiet atmosphere between the two of you, Melusines and some of the Maison Gestion members frequently enter his office— looking for him and asking for his guidance on their work. Meanwhile, you sat at the other side of the table across of Neuvillette, quietly eating your [Dessert] with a strained expression if annoyance. But you can't do anything about it, it's Neuvillette's work after all.

He catches on quite quickly, chuckling while apologising as he can't really catch a break when in his office, but he's glad you're here nonetheless, your presence makes him feel as calm as water.

"Fret not, my dear, I assure you this will be the last one... I would like to cherish my time with you more. Here, have this glass of water, it is found exclusively in the depths of Erinnyes Forest, purified. The aftertaste is crisp and strong, yet, has a glacé like flavour once it touches the surface of your tongue. Savour it well, for it contains quite the rich taste when it settles."

Wriothesley

Jokes that u would be safer in the Fortress of Meropide instead of being in front of a stove

His little joke seemed ironic when both of you were currently in the said fortress, as you helping out with cooking meals for everyone, including your beloved, Wriothesley. Unfortunately for him, you were in the middle of making his food when you burnt both it and your hand.

Wriothesley escorts you to the infirmary, having Sigewinnie examine your wounds and tend to it while he sits next to you. He teases you by making back-handed compliments to your dish, stating that he couldn't wait to taste the new 'charcoal' spice you added, knowing the dish was burnt.

Of course, in the end, he still takes the failed dish and eats it right in front of your face without spitting it out. Despite the grimace on his face and the occasional eye twitch followed by the sound of his teeth grinding against the blackened, burnt bits— he smiles at you fondly, giving you a thumbs up and ruffling your hair.

Wriothesley would likely suffer a horrendous pain later on, but if it's for you; he'd do anything... except if shorten your sentence.

"Hey! Hey! Relax! I'm joking, the dish isn't completely burnt, I know that. I'm simply... discarding the singed areas of the food. With my mouth. Then, we can share the remains together!... I can tell by your face even you don't want to eat this. Very well then, i'll go [brew us a cup of tea/get your favorite drink]."

Snezhaya + Misc.

Childe

at this point ive officially ran out of ideas so im just copy and pasting the hcs :'>

You were tasked with creating a dish for one of the Harbingers, perhaps if you can salvage enough of the remains, your head wouldn't be pierced torched to bits like your current dish... Luckily for you, a certain ginger had snuck up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist and asking what happened.

Tartaglia tends to your wounds, occasionally teasing you for being so nervous about the harbinger you were supposed to serve putting your head on their polearms. Of course, once he was done, he helps you to cook the dish so you wouldn't get into too much trouble. Your little secrets and failures are always safe with him.

He doesn't allow you to touch anything that requires heating or using any sharp equipment, skilled in combat as he is, he's quite skilled with kitchen weapons equipment too. In his eyes, anything can be a weapon if you know how to handle it.

The end result was... somewhat disappointing. But Tartaglia quotes it 'Somewhat passable' if he knows the harbinger he knows you're serving. He accompanies you, to keep you safe, knowing that harbinger doesn't have a single sane bone in her body. Luckily, she only dismissed you with a little wave after the taste, stating that it was fine. Once you both were alone, he ruffles your hair playfully and plants a kiss on your nose. No matter what hinders you in your task, you can always trust on your beloved to help remove any obstacles for you. You survived Arlecchino today... but now you're dealing with an overly affectionate Tartaglia. Not that you're complaining.

"See? I told you it was somewhat passable. Now... how's your hand, still numb? Sore? If your hand has fully healed... what say you treat me to your signature dish? As a form of repayment for helping you! *Chuckles* I'm only teasing, kitten... Come with me, let me go treat you to the finest dish in Snezhnaya instead! And no buts! I'd like to see your pretty smile again as your actual form of repayment!~"

Il Dottore

Slight TW (?) Somewhat, it's just a lil bit of blood

You were making something for the doctor to eat in his lab while he was busy, which also meant that you were using his equipment when he heard you burn your hand on accident with a hiss, to which he chuckles and suggests to not tinker with it too much.

Helps to treat your wounds, but in return asks for a small drop of your blood. After he extracts it, he sends you off to cook somewhere else as he decides to examine the cells in your blood. He's been wanting to try this one hypothesis he had in mind, but didn't have a willing subject. He won't make you go through what the others have gone through... he's too fond of you and your endearing behaviour.

Once you're back, you sat next to him to eat the dish you made, occasionally feeding him as you watched him work. It wasn't until you saw the small vial containing your blood and an unknown liquid did you see him inject it to something that looked like the equivalent of a dead rabbit. You flinched, seeing it's unmoving muscles suddenly twitch for a few seconds— before remaining still again. Dottore sighs, it's an improvement... perhaps a bigger dose of your blood was needed. But that's an experiment for another time, for now, he wraps his arms around your waist and pecks your cheek.

"Did I scare you sweetheart? My apologies, I thought I might have discovered a... breakthrough of sorts. Only for it to end in utter disappointment. No matter. How is your hand? Do you feel numb from the ointment I applied on your burns?... *Mumbles* Perhaps the heat may have altered your blood temperature, that could explain the mild effects when I combined it with— Hm? Oh, no, don't worry about it sweetheart. *Chuckles* How about we go for a walk? It feels a little stuffy in here."

Capitano

Imma just write a rlly short ones from here on out im getting lazy with researching these characters

Capitano decided to take a small break and left headquarters to check up on you when he heard your hiss of pain, he comes over and questions why you weren't wearing a glove while wasting no time in treating your little accident.

Once he was done, he brings you back to the Fatui headquarters and has one of the receuits in charge of cooking to make you your favorite dish. It's a bit of a pressure for them, considering you're the ever-righteous captain's [S/O]. Later on, he has you sitting on his lap in his office, one arm holding you close while the other arm was holding a map of Teyvat— explaining another expedition he was tasked to handle.

"Do you recall the last expedition I led back in Mondstadt? Well, my time will unfortunately be occupied for another number of days to come. Until then, however, may I ask you a favor?; I'd like to have your presence in my office as much as I can before the day of my departure. Of course, once I return, I will clear my schedule and have time for you alone... So you won't have to make such a measly little reckless mistake again. I'd like to see you in one piece and unscathed when I return."

Pantalone

slight yandere fatui baizhu :>

He brings you to the infirmary in the Fatui Headquarters, cooing softly as he asks if you're feeling alright and if you were embarrassed for nearly burning your hand off.

Pantalone's wealth met no ends, so he spends a not-so-healthy sum for a meal made by the most talented chef in Snezhnaya. If any of the dishes made were to not meet his standards, you can expect that the chef would likely be sued with a falsified lawsuit, you would be surprised of what the Fatui are capable of.

Try to decline his offer as you might, whether it's because you couldn't finish such a huge feast or you didn't want to him to burn off such a large part of his wealth, he simply brushed you off and states that his Mora is also considered your Mora. That innocent smile of his only asks you don't ask any more questions and let him love you. Treat you like the goddess you truly are.

"Oh, there's no need to make such ludicrous assumptions, i'm merely treating my beloved queen to a feast that she deserves. The cost has been covered, no need to fret, just enjoy. No one will disturb us, even if they will... They wouldn't dare~"

Pulcillena

Why

Seeing you burn yourself because you didn't have a glove, he helps to treat your wound and later leaves to commision a new set of gloves for you— one that wouldn't be easily destroyed like your previous ones.

Once he returns with both your new pair of gloves and a meal for you, he only asks that you spend more time with him as a form of repayment. Being a Fatui harbinger takes up quite a lot of time, and Pulcillena worries that he may be neglecting you.

Some might say he was being overprotective and overbearing, but in reality, all he wants is to bask in your presence and company.

"Come, my beloved— I have plenty of time to spare, I don't require a second thought to choose what I spend my free time on. What say we do a bit of sightseeing? I know somewhere scenic will leave you completely speechless."

Pierro

Wtf do I even write for this guy I know nothing abt him

Pierro was dropping by to see if you would like to spend some quality time together, seeing as he was finally able to clear a good chunk of his schedule to come and see you. Originally, he was planning to bring you somewhere secluded and quiet, just the two of you. But he decides to postpone that for a little while upon seeing your hand in flames.

He calmly puts out the fire and helps to treat your wound, offering to help aid you with your cooking. Though, he states that he'll mostly be at the side and only help when the situation is dire, he'll allow you to handle the rest of the cooking yourself.

Although, you eventually repeated the same mistake again; Using your Pyro vision and accidentally engulfing your hand in flames. He puts it out swiftly before any severe damage was done to your hand again, a damp cloth was used to help with the burn as he reassures you that you were alright and that it was just a simple mistakes.

"It seems you still have yet to learn from your mistakes. No need for apologies, you were only distracted by something unforeseeable, but it won't have any consequences so as long as I am here to keep you under my supervision and my protection— you'll always be unscathed when you're with me, my beloved."

Dainsleif

This is Post-Abyss twin journey where he finished his journey with Aether and parted from him, he occasionally comes back to u

On the way to your abode, he had to go through numerous obstacles on the path, and they weren't taking his presence too kindly, let alone be any less aggresive than they should be. Nonethless, he clears them in the end, just in case you would be taking the same path. So when he finally arrives to see you with your hand in flames, he was covered in various scratches and bruises, probably a fractured leg too.

Dainsleif easily puts out the small fire that nearly engulfed your hand using a damp cloth and treats your wounds. As much as you tried to take care of his own wounds, he states that he was alright and that he had suffered far worse fate in compared to a few measly little hits that took him off guard.

Eventually, he concedes and allows you to treat his wounds, you've helped patched him up a few times when he was on the road so you one a few precautionary steps to take and how to handle certain injuries.

As a fair exchange, he helps to finish the dish you made, he knew basic cooking... but he wasn't an expert. Due to a mishap while using the stove, he ends up in the same predicament as you; his hand englufed in tiny flames. Thankfully, you managed to frantically put out the fire in time with the same cloth, and he was still wearing his glove that minimised the damage done to his skin.

"...I'm fine, there's nothing to worry, i've surffered much worse than a little burn. It'll cause nothing more than slight discomfort at most, i'll live through it. It won't affect my performance—... You want me to take a rest? I'm unscathed, dear. This isn't a concerning matter, it doesn't add to my previous injuries...*Sigh* Alright, if that's a command from you, I won't deviate."

Aether

This is MC Aether and not Abyss Twin Aether btw so Paimon exists bc I love her she's my little bby. But he's not mute.

He was in the middle of setting up your sleeping bags when he heard you burning your hand. He immediately drops everything and checks up on you, helping to treat your wound with the limited supplies you both had.

He decides to help you with cooking— until he realizes you're had accidentally burnt off half the recipe. But he brushes it off, stating that you both had made plenty of good dishes before, what's so hard about—

Ingredients scattered across the grassy field beneath you, stew stains seeping into the soil of the ground, you watch as Aether frantically puts out the fire using his Hydro powers. The dish was worse than when you made it, but surely a bit of improvisation wouldn't hurt, he's been on the road for quite some time so Aether know how to fix and use his creativity—

In the end, you watched as your blonde companion held a dish that was not only burnt, but also dry and practically dehydrated. The ingredients used had incorrect proportions and you swore you saw a large chunk of it deteriorated from using his Electro powers on accident. Despite your protests, he states that surely it wouldn't taste so bad—

It was horrible and he had to throw up while you and Paimon had to rub circles on his back, your tiny floating companion worried but also pretty upset that you both decided to make a dish without a proper recipe instead of something simple to cook or something you've made before. She states that even she would've thought twice on making a different dish instead of trying to fix the already ruined one.

"My bad, but i'm fine, i'm fine... Eugh. Nothing I haven't handled before, i've honestly had much worse. How about we make a quick stop to Mondstadt's Good Hunter? It's not too far, we have some Mora to spare. We're better off just asking Sara for something to eat rather than risking another injury or throwing up in our sleep."

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Mino

Debut: Tetris

Tetris is all about blocks! You know that! Did you know that those blocks are called Tetriminos? Maybe you did! Geometrically, they are tetrominoes, shapes formed from four squares connected at the edges. "Tetrimino" is the official spelling of the ones used in Tetris specifically, which is a little confusing, but it's ok. Don't worry about it unless you are making your own game about tetrominoes! If you do that, be careful.

But what about the little blocks that make up the Tetrimino? These are geometrically called monominoes, but in Tetris, they are simply Minos! Humble little things. The game is named after Four, so what place does a measly One have?

If you ask me, they have all the place, because they are all over the place! There are no Tetriminos without Minos. Together, Minos are powerful, some of the most iconic and recognizable shape clusters in the world! Even in the form of a plush, The Tetris Company almost ALWAYS ensures that the individual Minos are visible. It is a part of the Tetriminos' designs at this point! The only exception I can think of is in situations unable to use their distinct colors, where other design factors are used to distinguish each. In this case, all but the I Tetrimino have their Minos visible, while I is just a solid color. Come on now, I. The most universally beloved Tetrimino, and you can't show some appreciation for the little guys who made you who you are? Sheesh!

While yes, Minos are a bit overlooked, they do indeed get the spotlight every once in a while! In game modes with items, you can expect that there will be one that turns all of your pieces into Minos, allowing you to instantly fill in gaps wherever you like. They are not particularly powerful, only able to clear one line at a time, but they ARE very convenient and easy to use!

Tetris Friends, my dearly beloved and departed Tetris Friends, uses Minos as the base for most of its avatars! I have already talked about these specifically, but I just want to point out these VERY default ones, each a piece of one of the classic Tetriminos, based on color... until the end, where we get what appears to be a Domesticated Mammal Mino! What are the implications of this? Have members of an intelligent species selectively bred the most docile of Minos together? Do Minos reproduce? Am I way off the mark, and is this Mino actually made of cookies and cream ice cream?

Finally, the reason I've been thinking of Minos in the first place! Here is a photo of the Tetris board game, with a single gray square in the Matrix. That's right! A Mino! In my opinion, this game is the most special Minos have ever felt. In this version, Tetriminos are dropped straight down into columns in the Matrix, and so they aren't as maneuverable as virtual ones. They can't be rotated while falling, and can't be slid into place to fill in any little notches.

This is where Minos come in! They are a sort of compensation for the lack of extra control, and can be placed to fill in extra space before dropping a Tetrimino. This is especially useful if you start with a Z or S block, since in this game, dropping one on a flat surface would leave a space no matter what! With a Mino, you can make a nice little ledge for your block to land neatly on.

This game's use of Minos really stood out to me! They're a major gameplay mechanic, they are explicitly named in the instruction manual, and, most importantly, they get their own PIECES. Physical, officially licensed, single Mino objects! They even get their very own color! A humble gray, not flashy like the rest, but distinct among all the others, and practical. A gray not to indicate a lack of interesting qualities, but instead, great potential!

There is no "official art" for Mino, so I just made the post's top image by editing some official Tetrimino art. Also, I have distinct memory of SOME official Tetris game, possibly Tetris Friends, referring to them as Tetrimonos. Does anyone else remember this? Please tell me if you do!

With that, we have reached the end of this post. But this is not the end of my fascination with Minos. In a way, it's only the beginning. In my Mino research, I have discovered some truly incredible things. Look forward to reading about them next week in Minos post part 2!

[novelmonger]

I am now (finally) embarking on the last of the LotR audio commentaries I never listened to before: the Production/Post-Production one, with Barrie Osborne (producer), Mark Ordesky (executive producer), Andrew Lesnie (director of photography), John Gilbert (editor), Rick Porras (co-producer), Howard Shore (composer), and Jim Rygiel (visual effects supervisor). A lot more Americans in this group than the previous ones have been. I feel much more out of my depth with this one in terms of figuring out who's talking, but let's see what new stuff they have to say for FotR!

The sound from when Sauron explodes comes from a bunch of sounds they recorded both inside and outside ships in the harbor, as well as the sounds of WWII airplane propellers.

The scenes with Gollum in the prologue were actually some of the last shots they filmed for FotR.

The farmers around the area where they filmed Hobbiton would warn them when people would turn up who weren't supposed to be there, with cameras and whatnot, as well as warning them when planes or choppers would be overhead, so they could prevent (as much as possible) from footage leaking before the movie was released. That warms my heart :)

They used the analogy of a "shell game" when talking about all the different techniques they used to keep the proportions of characters correct with their different sizes. Because they would switch up the techniques between shots, it helped sell the overall effect, because you're not just always looking at a scale double or a bluescreen or what-have-you.

In the scene with Bilbo and Gandalf in the kitchen, they used forced perspective, with the table cut in half so that everything is small for Gandalf and the right size for Bilbo. When Bilbo pours the tea into the teapot, Gandalf handles a small lid on his side, putting it on a little rod that holds it in the right position so it looks like it's sitting on the teapot. Meanwhile, the actual teapot is on Bilbo's side so he can pour the water into it. Also, when Gandalf is first sitting down at the table and turning to get his legs underneath it, if you look closely you can see that when he bumps up against it, the half of the table closer to the camera jiggles a little, but the other half doesn't because it was actually some 5-10 feet away.

In the shot at the party that pans down from the fireworks and the tree, the actual party with all the dancing and everything was shot in a set, so they had to go back to the Hobbiton location (which had already been cleared of the set at that point, I think) and match up that shot to get the tree, and then they composited it together.

The direction for that shot of Minas Tirith when Gandalf goes to research the Ring was to make it look like "Constantinople in the morning." This may be my favorite part of this commentary :)

They needed to scan actors' faces so they could have their digital doubles to work with for certain shots. When they brought in Ian McKellen to scan his face, they said, "We just need to scan your face in a neutral position." He said, "Neutral for me or neutral for Gandalf?" And he demonstrated his own neutral expression, and when he switched to neutral Gandalf, he looked completely different, pursing his lips and furrowing his eyebrows and sucking his cheeks in more. Truly the sign of a gifted actor who knows how to ply his craft.

In the scene where Frodo and Sam are trying to sleep on the road for the first time, originally they were going to end with some sort of animal sniffing around them. First it was a deer, and they also tried a rabbit and maybe some other animals (possible fox appearance???). But that part didn't even make it into the Extended Edition.

Something I never thought about that they had to pay attention to was, because Orthanc is made of shiny material, they had to consider the color and quality of the light reflecting off it. So when they filmed the real location, they would take the camera and pan around the location, then print out stills and put them up around the miniature when they filmed that part of the shot, so they could get the right colors to match each shot they would composite over it, so it would look like both were in the same place. Now that's what I call attention to detail!

On the night they shot the little chase sequence with the Nazgul in the forest, it was actually raining off and on, even though you can't really see it in the movie. That made the ground very muddy, so the Hobbits actually had to be carried back to their first position for each new take so they wouldn't get too much mud on their feet and clothes.

To get the sounds of the trees' "voices" when the orcs in Isengard tear them down, they actually used several animal sounds like whales, moreso than sounds recorded from actual trees.

Bob Anderson, the swordmaster for the films, said they needed to have five copies of every sword for every actor every day they were going to be fighting with them, because that's how likely it is for them to be broken (since the swords actors use for hitting each other are lighter and not made like a real sword). But Richard Taylor wanted to find a way to make the swords more durable, because there are a lot of swords in these movies. So Weta developed a technique to help the stunt swords redistribute the shock from hitting them against each other. They took polyurethane, which Mark Ordesky notes is the same material as skateboard wheels, and they made a sort of sheath of that under the surface of the hilt. None of the swords they made like that ever broke.

The tree that gets thrown down into the chasm in Isengard had to be a miniature so they could get it high enough to drop it as far as they wanted to (and so they wouldn't have to cut down a huge tree). But they had to add little springs and things to make the branches bounce and jiggle properly, rather than just break off, as they would if you just made a little model tree. Little details like that really sell the scale.

In the Nazgul horseback chase scene, they cleared a path for the horses to safely run through the forest. But then they would also get branches and put them on the car or whatever vehicle had the camera, so it would look like they were pushing through more dense foliage, while still keeping the actors and horses safe.

The Council of Elrond was the final piece of the sound mix they had to finish for FotR, and it was down to a matter of hours. One of the things they mentioned having difficulty figuring out what to do with was the moment when Frodo sets the Ring down on the plinth. Originally, there was going to be a murmur of the crowd watching, but it didn't seem to have the gravitas and stunned awe necessary for that moment, so they had to play around with a lot of things before Peter Jackson was satisfied with it.

When Gimli smashes the Ring with his axe, John Rhys-Davies was actually only holding an empty handle, and the axe head was added digitally later so it could shatter.

Barrie Osborne (I think?) commented on something at least Billy Boyd and Dominic Monaghan, especially Dom, started to do in order to make it more believable that the primary actors and the scale doubles are the same people. He noticed that their scale doubles tended to move and walk in a certain way (I assume partly because most of them were Little People, so their physique and proportions are a bit different), and so instead of leaving it up to them to mimic his movements, he started changing the way he moved to match them. That's just really cool.

Originally, they were going to do a bit of a flashback when Boromir asks Aragorn, "Have you ever seen the white tower..." etc. It would have been shot in the same place as the scene where Aragorn is visiting his mother's grave, and would feature Elrond talking to Aragorn about how he's the only one who can wield Anduril and how he needs to take his place as the king of Gondor.

For some of the close-up shots of Gimli in the scene where they first head into Moria, they actually had to use a double - not a scale double! an actual guy who was the same size as John Rhys-Davies! - because John had such a bad reaction to the facial prosthetics that he had to go a few days in between each time he put it on. But he'd had the prosthetics on the day before, and they didn't have time to wait until he could put them on again. So they had to find a double, put on the prosthetics and costume, and then John stood out of frame and spoke the lines, and the double mouthed the words along with him. I would never have guessed!

THANK YOU TO WHOEVER WAS TALKING AND I'M SORRY I COULDN'T RECOGNIZE YOUR VOICE FOR SURE, but someone was talking about "cinematic dark." In other words, how to light a scene so you can see everything that's happening even though you're in a place with hardly any light sources, like in Moria where the only light comes from the torch and Gandalf's staff most of the time. Instead of making it all really dark (*pointed stare at too many movies these days*), they shot it as if there is a source of light, but always very far away, like it's filtering through miles of rocky caverns or something. What that meant practically was that they would only light the characters in silhouette or from the side, never the front. So it would still give the impression that they're in darkness, but you don't have to strain at all to make out what's happening. They also desaturated the colors so everything looked muted, similar to how your vision kind of goes black-and-white in the dark.

One of the fundamental elements for the Moria goblin screeches was an opossum screech. There was some kind of opossum research facility in Wellington that they went to to record what became the foundation of the goblin sounds. Then they took them and re-recorded them in some WWII tunnels to get the right echoey reverb effect. And then for the sounds of them moving, they took sounds from insects like grasshoppers, as well as rattling seashells from the beach against the walls of the tunnels to get a scuttling sort of sound for when they come pouring out of holes in the ceiling.

You know that one shot where Legolas fires an arrow at a goblin archer and the camera follows the arrow all the way into his forehead? I always assumed that whole thing was all CG, but no! Even that had a practical element to it! They set up a camera on a sort of zip line with a bungee cord and sent it down as fast as it could go towards an actual stunt guy in costume! Now that's what I call above and beyond.

They shot a scene that didn't make it into even the Extended Edition of the Fellowship arguing about what they should do next after they leave Moria, with some members having misgivings about going to Lothlorien. I wish we could see that, even though I understand why they needed to keep things moving. They didn't mention if they actually shot this or if it was scrapped by the time they got that far, but there was also a mention of the entry to Lothlorien being much more frantic, as they're chased by orcs and then rescued by a sudden volley of Elven arrows.

There was also once a longer scene between Boromir and Frodo as they're waiting to see if Haldir will let them into Lothlorien. He tells Frodo a story of him getting over the death of one of his comrades. Um...I wanna see these extra scenes!!!

They wanted Lothlorien to feel ethereal and maybe almost slightly in a different universe, because of the Elves and especially Galadriel, who can see into hearts and minds. One of the ways they did that was by diffusing the light on the set so everything seems kind of dreamy. Another way they tweaked things was by bringing out the blues and edging them towards lavender. Yes, yes, Lothlorien is supposed to be golden, but after hearing the explanation about how lavender is actually one of the hardest colors to get to look right on film (the word used was "fragile") and to look good against skin tones, and therefore you don't see it very much in the movies, I can appreciate the subtle ways they tried to make Lothlorien feel distinct.

Originally, they were going to have a scene where the Fellowship goes through some rapids on the Anduin and get ambushed by orc archers. Ultimately, they decided they didn't need that as a story beat at that point, and it would have been very difficult to shoot anyway. Makes me wonder if that influenced the infamous barrel scene from the Hobbit movies, like they dug up some old plans for that....

Except for one wide shot where they used a scale double for Frodo, the entire confrontation between Boromir and Frodo was shot just with Sean Bean and Elijah Wood, no special effects, just strategic blocking and using the slope and different angles to their advantage to always make it look like Frodo is smaller than Boromir.

If I understood Howard Shore correctly, he was inspired to use a boy's choir for Boromir's death when he saw Boromir, after falling to his knees from the first arrow or two, looking up at Merry and Pippin. Boys singing at his death gives a sense of lost innocence, which is appropriate both to Boromir trying to take the Ring as well as to the lost innocence of losing the Hobbits. So it's not just a lament for Boromir, it's also his lament for (as he thinks in the moment, because he knows he's dying) failing the Hobbits.

The original mix for Boromir's death had all the sound effects at full volume, which made the moment even more brutal. Mark Ordesky was saying that he (and probably some others) was thinking it might be better if they pulled back on some of the sound and let the music be louder. Peter Jackson said, "Well, let's try it," and as soon as they turned down the volume, the entire room basically agreed immediately that's how they needed to do it. It's meant to sound and feel almost like you're sinking underwater as Boromir is dying, because that's how it would sound and feel for him.

Oh my goodness, further proof that studio execs shouldn't have a say in the story of a movie. New Line wanted the movie to end with Frodo and Sam paddling across the river, and then an Uruk bursts up from underwater and grabs Frodo, pulling him out of the boat. The Ring somehow comes off the chain, and the Uruk is so enamored with it that he ends up drowning while trying to grab it. Then Sam somehow gets Frodo (and the Ring) back into the boat. Thank goodness they came up with the much better ending we all know and love. Because the people actually involved with writing the movie and telling its story knew that the ending of FotR needs to be about the breaking of the Fellowship, about love and loyalty in the face of great evil. So that's why they went with the ending they did: Sam falls into the water and almost drowns, Frodo saves him, and that paves the way for the incredible emotional high of Frodo leaving the Fellowship, but Sam going with him. And just like Frodo is thinking about how Gandalf talked about how he was meant to find the Ring, Sam is thinking about how Gandalf told him not to leave Frodo. It all ties together so much better.

The last shot for the film was Boromir going over the waterfall. It was in the final cut of the movie just as a previs shot, and Barrie Osborne said he assumed it was going to be a CG effect or something. But finally, while Peter Jackson was in London working on scoring the film - so pretty late in the production - Barrie called him and asked when they were going to shoot that scene. Peter Jackson had forgotten about it! So Barrie had to shoot it, and since they didn't have the actors in New Zealand at that point, they had to get Weta to make a silicon dummy to shoot instead.

[fcthots]

thinking about fake dating jason and falling in love.

it happens slowly and quietly, so slow you don’t even notice it.

and then you turn around and you’re head over heels for him, no idea how it happened.

-🍓

Anon, if i ever gain the ability to write full fics, this is the first thing i'm writing.

might turn this into an au and let y'all request scenes (tattooartist!jason style)

It started off simple. He needed a date to the gala. the press was brutal and he was a Wayne. He didn't want to put anyone in that sort of spotlight. He had a dark past and didn't want anyone to get dragged into it. You were bored, needed a date to a wedding, and you cared about your friend. Also, it helped that he was willing to pay you because he felt bad about the whole press thing. It was nothing more than an arrangement between friends, a way for you to help him out. He's always been there for you, no matter what. You didn't think twice about returning the favor.

He was sweet in public. Held your hand, kissed your cheek, always asked if you were up for a kiss when he thought it was necessary. His hand was always warm and comforting on your waist. It grounded. you, kept you in the moment with him. You loved hanging out with him. The arrangement had let allowed you to hand out with him all the time, anywhere and everywhere. There were some comments made about you in the press, but the negative ones didn't bother you (how could they think you were the bad influence, secret identity or not, he was the one with murders under his belt!) and there were some nice things. You ha your past delved into, which wasn't exactly fun, but Jason had warned you it would happen and oracle made sure everything traceable wasn't bad. Overall, it was fun. You got to hang out with your best friend 24/7 and you got some new instagram followers and fun edits made of you along the way.

When it did inevitably get a little rough, Jason was there for you, like always. He took care of all the truly nasty things the press had to say about you. He always respected your boundaries, and he took you on vacation when it all got too much, even if he had to leave early for a Gotham emergency.

Things had to be believable, of course, so there needed to be couple's pictures on your social media. He needed to lay down with you. He needed to press his body up against yours. he needed to wrap his arms around you. He needed to draw you so close to him that there wasn't any given one inch of space in between you. He needed to press his face to your chest and close his eyes.

Right?

He just needed the picture to look believable. That was all.

So why did he stay cuddled into you? Why did he fall asleep there like he was made to fit? Like it was the only place he's ever wanted to be?

And why did it make you want.

After that, you spent all of your time wanting. Wanting more. The arrangement was perfect. It gave you everything it was supposed to. So why did you want more? Why did you wish Jason would stop apologizing when he said he had to kiss you? Why did your heart sink when his hands left yours after you were away from prying eyes? When did the edits people made of you go from fun to painful, a reminder of the way you wished he really looked at you? Why did you wish he wasn't faking it.

And, fuck that hurt, because he was just faking it all, right? He only looked at you like you were his world when someone else was looking. He didn't want you.

Not like you wanted him.

"Why do you look like that?" His voice shakes you out of your thoughts. Your eyes drift to him where he's sitting on the couch, his phone long forgotten timing out and turning off in his hand.

"What?" Your eyebrows had just lightly drawn together, your voice duller than usual.

"You look sad. What's on your mind?" His face looks a little worried. His eyes searched yours. You hope he can't see the truth lying beneath them.

What were you supposed to tell him? That this wasn't just a game to you anymore? That you can't stomach him holding your hand not because he means it? That you're taking advantage of him? That when he kisses you, you pretend it's real?

You don't meet his eyes. "I can't do this anymore."

[bikiniarmorbattledamage]

Baldur's Gate 3 (Part 1 - Introduction)

It's a great time to be an old school Dungeons & Dragons player, you get to smugly observe millions of people realizing the game is good actually... or at least that the game can facilitate heart touching romances with imaginary, terrible people.

(To be clear, I'm not judging you - these two are, but I'm not)

As one of the biggest AAA games of 2023, it's unsurprising that it's big and complicated - and there's a lot that can be talked about with many aspects of it - including female armor and costumes. Indeed, there's already a lot of commentary on it and community activity, from the confusing, to the life affirming.

It has also been the topic of how corporate practices continually reward those who participate in the creation successful art with notice of dismissal.

And of course, both Dungeons & Dragons and Larian Studios have histories that we've touched on before - and I can confidently say it represents a huge improvement in quality, style and attitudes. Plus sometimes their advertising is just gay.

There's good, there's bad, there's inspired and there's missed opportunities - so it'd be impossible to sum it all up in one post.

Also, now it's finished... I can feel safe commenting on it and not being told "that's changing next week" - that's the excuse I'm using for being so late to the party on this one.

It'll also be impossible to avoid talking about it without some spoilers. So I'll try to cover as much as possible spoiler-free, then put spoilers below a read-more break.

-wincenworks

In General

It's pretty good. Most of the costumes and armors are essentially gender neutral and the ones that do change seem to do so in response to social conventions, rather than a desire to sex shit up sexy - but where you can sex shit up sexy, it applies equally across genders. (Seriously, Lae'zel's lingerie looks amazing on Gale (nsfw 🖼️) and he's not the sort you'd think could rock it).

Looking at the artbook that I have because I'm one of those people who buys deluxe editions - it looks like there might have been a few early stumbles in concept but these were smoothed out before release.

There are some amazing examples (Minthara), and some baffling designs (all Githyanki armor), some interesting (Orin's) and some that are complicated (Dame Aylin's).

But overall it's pretty good and I would certainly like to see more fantasy media take it's lead from these sorts of designs.

So let's start with a few examples of how everything is complicated.

Why goblins have sexy armor?

The goblins in Baldur's Gate 3 are disgusting, sadistic raiders who are primarily interested in killing, torturing and enslaving all other races. They don't seem to have any crafts people of their own, preferring to steal and adapt.

So it's puzzling that, statistically, when most players encounter them they get this cutscene to showcase a goblin in sexy leathers.

Now, these goblins don't have a sense of shame - or at least not one related to things like nudity taboos. They're not exactly tactical masterminds or great crafts people.

So there's no reason for her to have masterwork armor, or hide her body... but this particular piece looks like pretty lovingly crafted lingerie made specifically to be sexy and flaunt as much skin as possible.

And the couple of goblins that have this, stand out among the rest of the goblins... who are mostly wearing scraps and bits and pieces they've cobbled together with nowhere near this level of craftsmanship.

Obviously, this outfit is not ideal with the sharp bits poking out... but it's pretty intimidating and it'd make it things more difficult for an enemy trying to stop Zurga from killing them so it works.

The end result is weird… but also oddly foretold.

Great armor, terrible disguise

Now, this is great armor - a little flashy with a lot of extra doodads - but from a fantasy perspective, it conveys the message and that the wearer is a pragmatic person prioritizing their own self-preservation.

Honestly this is one of the best examples of armor that is designed to be fancy without becoming completely unworkable, like it is real armor that's been adapted for ceremony. It has layers and while you would expect it to quickly become damaged beyond recognition, if you needed to be ready for a surprise scrap - it'd do the job and do it well enough (a cosplayer friend advised the breastplate is a little prone to being bumped but otherwise she didn't bump into anything)

(Though as a random reminder, if you're going for the very realistic approach - helmets should be a top priority. We accept that doesn't happen in video games like this though because we want to see those emotive, sexy faces - judging us for loving them.)

But Shadowheart is a priestess of Shar, and if you accept her as a companion she will happily tell you all about that and how an important part of being a priestess of Shar is secrets and concealing your faith from the masses...

There is also an explanation for why she happened to be in her ceremonial attire... but for most of the game, she demonstrates no awareness that she was in vestments when you met.

Now I understand that a lot of these choices are due to various experiments, iterations, etc. Shadowheart being an "authentic" priestess of Shar is not as important as her being an interesting companion in a fun game.

And now that I've definitely made sure nobody is going to "well actually" about the armor design or Forgotten Realms lore... a conspiracy theory:

Karlach's outfit (#freethenipple)

So when you meet the tiefling muscle-mommy known as Karlach, her default outfit indicates that she does not partake in bras. (She's barbarian which is a class in D&D that protects themselves not with armor, but by getting so angry weapons do less damage to them... just go with it...) and despite the forced sexiness of this design - it kinda fits her backstory:

So, she has a definite look, and apparently does not partake the wearing of bras... good for her! She's literally so hot that fire flickers off her, the boob sweat has got to be epic.

Interesting, Karlach is one two female characters who's "camp clothes" are listed specifically as "trousers".

The other one is always in pants and bra on female characters (but not male), but for some reason Karlach's trousers include this top that... just doesn't match the rest of her style and is nothing like her underwear (which also doesn't match her style):

So it seems this seems to be an odd case where in a game where you can access full nudity easily, and they gave her sexy armor... they did a last minute cover up to prevent the woman who would have the epic boobsweat imaginable walking around camp topless... and her model has a lot of detail that gets hidden by that top and her armor. (nsfw 🖼️)

And I know I am not the only one (nsfw link) who has had this idea.

Unless you just go into inventory and take her clothes off..., then toggle so she's always in "camp clothes" and always nude. It's just weird that the players are fully able to make her a nudist, but the game seems to have stopped at the last minute at making her go casually topless.

-wincenworks

[luceafarul-de-dimineata]

Do you have any headcannons for the paradise lost gang? I'm dying for more of my healers.

Paradise Lost is my favorite set of character, of course I have hcs about them. My beloved disfunctional sitcom family that's somehow a hospital <3

Paradise Lost hcs

Everyone in Paradise Lost is on something. There's no way Morax can be so chill without some weed in his system

The only Paradise Lost citizen that graduated high-school was Bathin and he left

Lucifer was born in his 30s, he was born with a doctorate in every major

Becoming a citizen in Paradise Lost is almost impossible. Both Lucifer and Gamigin need to give you a vibe check and you have to learn healing magic.

Since Paradise Lost was founded after Lilith's disapearance, there are no native Paradise Lost citizens, the closest being Gamigin and Jjok

During Sundays where nobody in Paradise Lost works, each of the nobles has to come up with a fun family activity.

Be it board-games, movie marathons, walks through the forest, anything, they have to all do it together during Sunday

Lucifer has a picture of God or Jesus in every room of his castle because he is a true Orthodox Christian

Even though Lucifer has his own room in his own castle, he preferes sleeping in Gamigin's bed with him. He likes cuddling with the young dragon

Marbas is allowed untied whenever he's not dealing with patients, but he sometimes keeps the restraints on even when he's off duty

Lucifer sees everyone else as being beneath him, but he cares for them like they were children or pets

Lucifer never goes to meetings with the other kings because he doesn't like how often they happen and how little is actually done with them.

Morax has a facebook account where he posts low quality edits of him and the other people in Paradise Lost. They always get one like and it's from Lucifer.

Marbas has a brick phone because it's the only one he can't break with his bare hands. He sometimes calls his 'friends' from other regions with it, but he has no phone attiquit. He would call someone and just ask them for stuff with no hello, no small talk, no nothing

Buer is the best with phones in the whole country. He also didn't pass 5th grade tech lessons about how to make a folder on Windows. He has what used to be the latest phone model when he left Tartaros, but he only uses it to call patients.

Gamigin doesn't have a phone and Lucifer prohibited him from touching the internet. But Lucifer does give Gamigin his phone to play on during breaks or stuff

Lucifer has a fancy phone that he only uses to like Morax's posts on facebook and ignore the mail the kings give him

Depending on the type of meeting and the availability of his staff he will either take Gamigin or Morax with him during diplomatic travels.

He takes Gamigin most of the time, but if the subject is mainly about the atrocities of war he brings Morax. Morax is an airhead with no self preservation, he's used to seing people dying left and right in gruesome manners, but Lucifer would prefere to protect Gamigin from the sort of trauma

Everyone in Paradise Lost is devoted to Lucifer, but Gamigin fluctuates between "wow, he's so cool, I need to impress him" and "my king can beat your king in a fist fight"

Gamigin's also the noble that Lucifer spoils the most. He lets Gamigin do basicly what he wants around the country and he even lets him touch his angelic body.

Whenever there's a long ride from Paradise Lost to a different country, Lucifer sits Gamigin on his lap and let's him sleep there. If anyone speaks louder than a whisper, Lucifer will glare them down.

Gamigin is the favorite kid and by a lot

It's bordering on platonic yandere, but we'll keep it light for this post (unless you want some darker stuff, feel free to ask 👀)

I've said this before and I'll say it again: there is no official uniform in Paradise Lost, Marbas just hates Buer in particular (and he wants to rip the clothes off him)

Lucifer has a photo album of all the memories he had with his brothers. There are some photos with Gabriel, Michael and Raphael in there as well