#this is a call to brainstorm together i guess lol

[hangesfavles]

Nerd Hange headcanons

4.1k words. AFAB NB loser! hange x bimbo (ish)! fem reader. <3

Summary: Hange is more of a socially inept lesbian redditor gamer nerd rather than a normal ‘i’m smart’ dweeb :). These are general hcs of how you met loser/streamer Hange, things they like and relationship dynamics including you secretly eating them out on stream. <3

A/N: this is my first ever attempt at nsfw so i’m sorry if it’s bad or nondescript! also i know both of my fics so far have been for afab reader, but going forward i plan to write for a genny nootch reader just because i find it to be inclusive to wider groups of hange lovers <3 lol and last time i posted i said i never wrote fanfiction before but that was a tiny fib because i wrote shitty dumpster fire fanfics in middle school, but i’ve /srsly never tried my hand at nsfw before, but i guess there's a first for everything. pls critique me if u have any thoughts but be nice i’m sensitive. also shoutout to @abbyslev for helping me brainstorm <3 if ur reading my fanfics u probably already do, but pleaaaase follow her if u dont she’s lovely!!!! :3

Warnings: Nsfw content under my 2nd divider, sort of exhibitionism and masturbation. Not all of this is nsfw, but I’d still like for MINORS TO DNI. However, I know that you guys like to ignore those warnings, so I bolded the nsfw sections. At the very least, please don’t read the bolded hcs. Thank you & enjoy reading!

❥Loser! Hange who is in the same math course as you. When you walk in on the first day, you’re drawn to them, but not for the reasons you’d initially think. You were almost positive that they would be a decent person to cheat off of. I mean, they seem to look like they know what they’re doing, right?

❥Loser! Hange that can hear their pulse in their ears when they see a pretty girl take the spot beside them. They feel their heart rattling around in their chest as they sneak glances at you whenever they get the chance.

❥Loser! Hange quickly figures out the reason why you decided to sit next to them, rather than the other isolated chairs inside the lecture hall. But don’t worry, of course they’ll let you cheat off of them. Unfortunately, their performance starts to dip a little when they realize what you’re doing. They’re frequently under your gaze, and they can’t help it that you make them nervous :c 

❥Loser! Hange that is unaware that your eyes aren’t only looking down at their answers. One class when you were copying off of them, you started noticing the way their fingers hold their pencil. How slender their digits are, that their nails are surprisingly short, neat and cleaner than expected. You also started to notice how their veins protrude slightly and move up their arm... You feel yourself biting your lip as you observe their side profile. Their cheeks look soft and pink, similarly to their kissable lips. Your eyes continue to trail over their face: their thin, ovular glasses are slightly pushed down on their hooked nose, and their long eyelashes flutter as they continue to take notes beside you.

❥Loser! Hange can’t not listen to you getting called out by the professor when they notice you copying off of your seatmates’ assignments and notes. It was rather embarrassing, but you’re just happy the professor didn’t catch you cheating on an exam and risking academic misconduct.

❥Loser! Hange nudges your arm lightly after that incident, their voice low so you both don’t get caught by the professor. "Hey, um... I've noticed you've been using my notes and uh... answers. Do you need any help with the material? I mean, like, we could study together or something! If you want." They ask you with an excitement in their eyes and voice.

❥Loser! Hange can’t even feel proud of the fact they managed to talk to you because they barely even got that sentence out, and they couldn’t look you in the eye for more than 2 seconds. But it seems like all that is forgotten when you actually agree to meet up with them. They feel a rush of giddiness, but they try not to make a fool of themself in front of you. “Right! Yeah, so here’s my number... We can plan something, er- sometime.” They write their number down, sliding you the ripped end of their notebook page.

❥Loser! Hange who feels their heart in their throat as they lead you into their bedroom. The study session started off a bit rocky and awkwardly, but the tension in the air decreased as time continued on. As much as you would like to actually learn this material to earn good grades, you find yourself wanting to earn their attention much, much more. I mean, you obviously wore your lowest cut shirt and a pleated skirt for a reason. You look up at them, calling out for them. “Hey, Hange?” You ask, smiling as their head shoots up from their notes. “Can you explain this question to me?” You ask quietly, turning around your notebook to face them. You lean closer to them, purposely displaying your breasts for them to (hopefully) ogle.

❥Loser! Hange who starts to feel like they’re being tested by a higher power. They have to physically stop themself from glancing down and making a fool of themself. They try their best to focus on explaining the math problem to you as you watch their every movement like a hawk. You notice their eyes fall on your chest for a split second, and you pounce on your opportunity to tease them further. You reach up to their face, flicking their nose up so they’re forced to look at you. “My eyes are up here, silly.” “I- Uh- Sorry, just-” Hange trips over their words as they try to formulate a cohesive sentence on the spot. “Don’t worry about it, I’m just teasin’. It’s not so bad to be stared at if it's you.” You say with a playful wink.

❥Loser! Hange folds immediately. “O-Oh... Me? Really?” They ask, their eyes widening and pupils dilating. You can’t help but chuckle at their disbelief and nod your head in confirmation. “Yes, you. Is there anybody else in the room with us?” You joke. They stumble over their words as they think of a response. “W-Well, no, there isn’t, but- y’know- I didn’t think you-” They stutter, pushing the notebook aside and gesturing their hands between the two of you. They feel their cheeks growing warmer from embarrassment as they struggle to coherently voice their jumbled thoughts. “You know, you should at least take me to dinner before looking at me like that.” 

❥Loser! Hange doesn’t need to be told twice. They grab your hand with a cheesy smile, practically dragging you to their car while suggesting all sorts of restaurants that you might agree to. “Is there a certain restaurant you had in mind? We can try something totally different, like a little hole-in-the-wall joint. Ooh, but picture this: hibachi. The whole watching people cook in front of me thing usually makes me feel awkward but the food is always soooo good. Oh, or maybe we could go to a steakhouse! No matter what you choose, I’ll be fine with whatever! What do you think?" GOD they are just so excited and you find it utterly adorable. They remained true to their word and took you to whichever place you decided and paid for both of your meals. (They would have done this even if you didn’t joke about it bless their heart.) But then that first date turned into 2 dates, which quickly became 3, 4, 5, then suddenly you both forgot because anything the two of you do together is a date in your minds.

❥Loser! Hange definitely asks you out after only the second date. But in their defense, you’ve been hanging out after class as well as coming over to their house for “study sessions” that alway turned into watching tv or movies, ordering ubereats, going to the movies, walking around their neighborhood, anything but studying. You even took them to a party once. (You guys left after a half hour because Hange got overwhelmed, but you were still happy they tried something for you.) So by the time you guys went on your second “official date” they definitely felt confident that you would say yes.

❥Loser! Hange who loves talking to you about whatever game they’re playing. If it’s a story game, they’d love to explain anything you missed or don’t understand. They also would voice their predictions about how the game will end or where the story will go. If they see something predictable, they’ll definitely tell you what they think will happen, trying to impress you so when/if it does they’ll look “cool” to you. In reality though, you just find them to be geeky in the most endearing way. “Look, there’s a bunch of ammo in this room. If there’s a boss behind this door, you have to give me a kiss.” They say to you with a sly grin on their face. If it’s a PVP game, they will explain everything about what skills and powers each character has and who their favorite to play is. They’ll talk about what they like and dislike about the different mechanics, their favorite characters, parts they find tricky, etc. And of course, you sit there with a dopey smile while you listen to their rambling without interrupting, even if you don’t understand a word of what they’re saying because they’re just too cute when they’re passionately rambling. 

❥Loser! Hange who loves inviting you over, even if you two are doing absolutely nothing. They adore when you watch them play all sorts of video games. If they’re playing a console game, Hange lays next to you with your head against their shoulder, your arm splaying across their stomach while your hand rests around their waist. You tend to get pretty invested if the game is story based, insisting that they can’t play it without you around to watch the next part of the story unfold. If they’re playing a PC game, you’re sitting in their lap with a skirt that does absolutely nothing to cover your body once you’re seated on top of them. You prefer to face away from them, occasionally squirming in their lap so they can feel your ass pressed against their thighs and stomach. However, you do occasionally enjoy facing them, your arms wrapped around their shoulders as your legs hang off of their gaming chair at either side of their body.

❥Loser! Hange who also loves when you’re sitting in their lap, even if they struggle to focus on the game in front of them when your warm body is pressed against their own. It doesn’t help that they can smell the perfume coming from your neck, tempting them to lean in and kiss you there.

❥Loser! Hange that can’t resist the urge to rest their hands on your thighs during a cutscene, between rounds, during any sort of loading screen or when they’re respawning. They’ll use your thighs to push your ass back and closer to their body. 

❥Loser! Hange kisses your neck from behind, causing you to tilt your head and expose more of your neck for them to kiss. You let out a chuckle at how you effortlessly turned them on just by sitting on their lap and looking pretty.

❥Let’s just say... Loser! Hange finds the opportunity to quit or pause the game as soon as they can. When they eventually return to whatever game they were playing, they find it much easier to focus after you’re both satisfied. ♡

❥Loser! Hange who is also a small streamer! They probably get a few hundred people to watch them game each stream. They may not have a huge community, but their fans are consistent, funny, and always welcoming to new viewers! It’s a comforting little community. Because of this, Hange responds to their chat quite a bit and they’ve made quite a few friends with their mods and regular viewers.

❥Loser! Hange had to explain to you what streaming was. They decided that they would show you what it's like by doing a short stream while you silently watch them game and listen to them talk with their viewers.

❥Loser! Hange never technically introduced you to their fans. Not because they didn’t want to, they just knew that the internet wasn’t always kind, even if their fans are 99% supportive. They wouldn’t mention it much, but they are a little insecure about themself. They know that they treat you like an absolute princess, and they know that you adore them, that’s not the problem. The problem is that they don’t know if they’ll ever feel deserving of you. 

❥Loser! Hange only mentions this to you at late hours of the night when they feel vulnerable and slightly sleepy. You spend countless late nights at sleepovers holding them in your arms and reassuring them just how attractive you find them and that no one has treated you better. They start to feel reassured more once you mention to them that you don’t feel deserving of the endless love they give or of the many ways they spoil you.

anyway back to streamer hcs

❥Loser! Hange didn’t expect you to surprise them one day in their room with their favorite takeout in the middle of a stream. You didn’t know that they were streaming and you wanted to sneak up on them and scare them >:). You slip into their room as quietly as possible, slowly tiptoeing to their form slouched over their desk. Because of the slight delay of their videocam to their viewers, Hange doesn’t get the chance to read all of the different messages of the chatters who spotted your presence and are questioning about it. You silently place the bag of food on the floor, wrapping your arms around their shoulders and kissing their cheek roughly. 

❥Loser! Hange practically jumps out of their chair, yelping from the shock. They realize that it’s you pretty quickly, because no one else would hold or kiss them like that. They pause their game, swiveling around to face you with a wide smile. “Hi, baby!! What are you doin’ here?”

❥Loser! Hange immediately forgets the world around them, forgetting they’re literally live as they try to grab at your hips while they talk to you. “Mmmm,” You hum and giggle. “I just wanted to surprise you. It’s been a few days, I missed you.” You mumble before stepping back so that their hands disconnect from your waist. “Let me get some plates and napkins real quick.” You tell them before you leave the room again.

❥Loser! Hange remembers that they’re streaming, facing their viewers again to read what they missed from chat. “Chat, what do you mean ‘how did you bag a baddie?’” They say, reading some of the messages out loud. “‘How come Hange can get a girlfriend and I can’t? Life isn’t fair-’ WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?” They cut themself off, their jaw dropping a little from the comments they read. The chat starts to go crazy after seeing you. Most of the messages are asking who you are, if Hange is dating you, or simply encouraging Hange to stream with you sometime officially. But of course, it’s much easier to take note of bad comments people say rather than nice ones.

❥Loser! Hange pouts when you return with plates in hand, ignoring their chat again in the blink of an eye. "I'm charming, right? and cute?” They look up at you with puppy eyes as you stand in front of them. “I'm desirable." They say those words like a statement, but it sounds like they’re trying to convince themself rather than state a fact. You hear the insecurities dripping from their tone. You promptly climb into their lap, placing a tender kiss to their cheek while your hand cups the opposite one. You progressively start kissing all over their face, and they close their eyes, giggling and getting lost in the moment. When you eventually begin moving down their neck, their eyes snap open as they remember the audience. "AAAAHHHH, I'M LIVE, I'M LIVE!" They warn you frantically, suddenly remembering again why they were a bit insecure in the first place. This causes you to jump a bit from their yelling. They swivel their chair around to face the monitor, looking at it from over your shoulder. "S-Sorry chat, ending stream a bit early today..." They say quickly, turning off their game and switching tabs to end their video. You chuckle, turning to face their camera. "Oops." you say only a few seconds before they end their stream. 

❥Loser! Hange decides that they might as well officially introduce you after that incident, since they know they’ll be getting teased for it for the next few streams.

❥Loser! Hange never thought that they would be in this situation with anyone, no less you. This exact scenario had been nothing but a fantasy in the corners of their mind. A fantasy that would fog up their mind in the late hours of the night, prompting them to slip their fingers under their boxers and lightly circle their clit with their fingertips, eventually slipping them inside of their warm body. Their back would arch up off of the bed, trying their best to picture that their own fingers were instead yours.

❥Loser! Hange that noticed a sort of glint in your eyes when they asked if it was okay to stream while the two of you were still hanging out. They hadn’t been active in the past handful of days because they’ve been spending all their time with you. They just can’t deny you, especially when you both want to spend all your time with the other.

❥Loser! Hange who has to resist the urge to drool as you carefully and quietly crawl under their desk, looking up at them through your long, mascara coated eyelashes as your knees hit the slightly dusty floor... 

❥You aren’t sure what came over you, but when you were watching them put their headphones on and start welcoming people into their stream, you missed the attention being on you. So decided to tease and torture them and force them to give you attention still. 

❥Loser! Hange is forced to pretend you aren’t under their desk and spreading their thighs and pulling down their boxers while giving them that signature sultry smile with your matching lustful look in your eye. You bite your lip as you part their legs, moving in closer to their folds. They can feel your hot breath on their legs as you kiss, lick, and bite the plush skin of their inner thighs. For a few moments, you feel their hand rest on top of your head and stroke your hair approvingly as you start to rile them up. They can feel their face heating up a little, but if anyone in chat mentions it they just explain that their AC isn’t working properly. Even from just your breath and kisses teasing their thighs, they can feel themself getting wet, the stickiness spreading around their groin.

❥Loser! Hange melts under your touches, but they quickly become needy and desperate for more. Their resolve is always weak when it comes to you, and your teasing will be the death of them. They’re trying so hard not to whine and plead because they have to act normal and play their game. Even when your tongue finally reaches out to meet their pussy, you keep teasing them. You give them as little as you possibly can, spreading their folds with the tip of your tongue, only occasionally flicking up to their clit. You also kiss their puffy pussy lips and their clit, showing how much you love them while simultaneously subjecting them to such sweet torture. When they feel your tongue finally giving them what they wanted, their legs start to twitch slightly from the stimulation. They try their best to regulate their breathing so nothing seems out of the ordinary.

❥Loser! Hange doesn’t know how to act when your mouth starts to move faster and faster between their legs. They’ve stopped looking at their chat entirely, just trying to focus on playing the game somewhat coherently and occasionally talking about it or making a random comment without stuttering or sighing from pleasure.

❥Loser! Hange’s pussy is dripping onto their chair from all of your teasing. The combination of your tongue and their pussy makes an audible squelch as you suck, kiss, and lick up their slit and their hips move slightly, trying to keep up with the rhythm of your tongue. At this point, they’re starting to feel the knot in their stomach tighten, and they’re struggling to hold back their sounds. “Chat, I’ve gotta use the bathroom real quick-” They say, closing their webcam and muting their mic as fast as their fingers let them.

❥Loser! Hange’s hand finds its way back to your head, grabbing a fistful of your hair and pushing you as close to them as biology allows. Their head falls back as they let out a shaky moan. “Ahhh.. F-Fuckk... Please, please more.” They whine, encouraging you to eat them out without fear. You can both feel how their pussy throbs with desire for attention. They’ve been impatiently craving this, so they plan to take full advantage of the fact you’re right where they want you. You pick up the pace, sloppily making out with their pussy and sucking their labia between your lips. They toss one of their legs up onto your shoulder, allowing you more access to them as the knot in their core is almost ready to release. You look up into their eyes, slurping up their juices. The way you look up at them with devotion makes them feel even better due to how much desire is in your expression, adding another layer of eroticism for them from your enjoyment.

❥Loser! Hange feels the tension in their lower stomach releasing. They sigh and moan out into the air lightly as they feel white hot pleasure take their entire mind and body. They arch themself off the chair, trying to meet your mouth even more than already possible. Their body grinds against your tongue as they shiver from the intensity of their orgasm.

❥Immediately after their orgasm subsides, loser! Hange pulls your head up by your hair, kissing you deeply and not caring that they can taste their sticky cum on your plump lips. Their free hand slides down to the back of your thigh, guiding your body to sit on their lap. Their hands are protective and possessive while you make out. They are such a softie, always wanting to cuddle, hug, and kiss after sex. They love you so much and need to let it show, it’s like a warm blanket of warmth and affection covers their heart. They see the world with rose colored glasses for an hour or two after you make them cum, honestly. 

❥Loser! Hange holds you for a little while, their face nuzzled against your neck as they whisper sweet nothings to you. They’ll pepper your neck, collarbones, and face with kisses while telling you how good you made them feel. “I- love- you- so- much- sweet- heart- thank- you-” They’d say between pecks to your skin, causing you to giggle from the slight tickle of their lips moving around your upper body. They only stop their barrage of kisses when you start to push at their shoulders playfully, begging them to stop. “I love youuuu!” They say in a drawn out tone, giving your body a tight squeeze. “But duty calls, so we'll have to continue this later. Don't worry, I'll be thinking about you the whole time!"

❥Loser! Hange loves aftercare, giving and receiving, basically. They’re happy as long as you’re physically close to them <//3.

❥Loser! Hange also used to have inappropriate thoughts about you before you two were officially dating. They knew it was a bit weird to do so without you having any knowledge of it, but they couldn’t help themself. The two of you had exchanged Instagrams after your very first study session and since then, they can’t help but fuck their fingers to your posts. They try to refrain from doing so each time; they attempt to scroll past your stories as if the sight of your face hadn’t already turned them on. Each time it always ends the same, inevitably retyping your name in the search bar to revisit the photo. At this point it had to be some sort of conditioning, the way their body would react to you like clockwork. But they still feel so embarrassed to be so obsessed with you simply because you gave them an ounce of attention.

❥Loser! Hange used to imagine you in all sorts of different positions for them. You name it, they’ve probably thought about it once or maybe even twice. Sometimes they would imagine you sitting on their face, other times they could imagine you under them as they would fuck their strap into you. When Hange feels extra desperate, they like to picture the ways you would take them, perhaps you would trap them against the bed, fingering their throbbing pussy while making out with them to ensure that they weren’t too loud. A favorite daydream of theirs surrounds the different types of faces you would make as they eat you out. They yearn to see how your eyes might look down at them, pleading for them to make you cum, or how they may be shut entirely, your lips parted to sigh out with pleasure from how good they’re making you feel. They’d wonder what kind of sounds you would make. Were you loud? Quiet? Shy? Breathy? Are you the type that moans, or are you the type that whimpers? These questions had plagued their mind until they finally had you for the first time after 4-5 dates. <3

i miss hange rip hange you would’ve loved being the most nerdy loser dork the geek world ever saw.

[my3rzs]

could i have a xavier thorpe request with an established relationship and the reader gets injured by the hyde or during the fight with crackstone? Thank you im just a sucker for angst.

KEEP YOU SAFE | x.t x fem!reader

summary: after getting a fight with xavier, you get injured

notice: she/her pronouns, swearing, reader gets hurt, overprotective xavier? bianca and xavier were never together, bianca is not a bully in here (i think thats all)

pairing: xavier thorpe x reader

a/n: i spent maybe 5 mins brainstorming abt the summary :’), but reblogs would help and im literally too embarrassed to read this so i could proofread it but enjoy lol, but check the hashtag #xavizgirl so you can see all my works there ahaha

you and xavier had a fight last week and you haven’t talked to him ever since because he was jealous of a guy he saw you walking to class with,

though it was really stupid, you have to admit you did miss him a lot, you missed his stupid face, how he peppered you with kisses, how he handed you paintings of yourself or one of your favorite things you told him about, cuddling with him almost every night, you just miss him in general.

“hey, do you wanna hang out today? maybe go shopping?” bianca asks

you were too busy staring at a picture with xavier and you in it,

“huh?” you asked cluelessly as you heard muffled noises from her mouth

“let me guess, xavier? you’ve been ranting about the fight between you two for about a week, ya know?” the siren stated

“he’s just so stupid, he didn’t even let me finish what i was trying to say after he pulled me off the fucking guy!” you explained

“well, maybe you should just try confronting the boy. who knows you two just need to talk?” she answers

“well maybe i could do that, but what am i gonna say to him? it’s gonna be so awkward” you whined

“just explain how you’ve been feeling about the fight, how you barely know the guy, and stuff, but it has to be sincere and it has to come from your heart” she advised

“i’ll try my best, thank you bianca, i really owe you for this one okay?” you gave her a smile

“goodluck, y/n!” she gave you a thumbs up

-

you pulled out your phone go text xavier,,

y/n: hey can we talk?

xay: uh sure? why?

y/n: can we plz just talk

xay: ok, when and where

y/n: like rn, and maybe our spot in the woods

xay: ok be there rn

you hearted his message and put your cellphone into your pocket, you were walking in the forest so that you could meed up with xavier and make things right until a large, hairy, grey, big eyes, bloodshot monster stumbled you over, it looked like a beast or some sort of creature. it trapped you and before you knew it, it’s claw’s scratched your skin through your clothes twice and you were a literal bleeding mess. you tried to run as fast as you could and tried to grab your phone so that you could call an ambulance or xavier but realized you have dropped it while running, and that was all you remembered.

xavier was still waiting for you and he was starting to get impatient and think he was getting pranked, he has texted you nonstop and sent you calls but it kept going to voicemail, eventually.. he gave up and tried to go back to nevemore but he saw your unconscious body and you were bleeding.

“y/n? what the fuck!” he screamed as he saw you

“everything’s gonna be fine, everything’s gonna be fine” he said running to your body panicking and immediately called the ambulance

once they have arrived they took you into the truck, while xavier was so awfully worried and kept blaming himself while pacing, bianca and ajax walked up to him and asked what happened,

“it’s y/n.. she got fucking attacked!” the artist cursed

“hey, it’s gonna be alright, okay? the nurses and doctors are gonna make sure she’s gonna make it” ajax calms him down

“and besides, we can also visit her. dont worry, we’re all here for you xavier” the siren added

it has been 3 weeks and you still haven’t woken up, xavier was so stressed, his lips are so dry, he looked like he hasn’t eaten in about a week, and he has very dark eye bags, it was the weekend and he decided to go visit you.

he opened the door and saw that you still haven’t woken up, he sighed and put one of his letters on the table.

“i miss you” he muttered while grabbing your cold hands

“it’s all my fault” the blonde boy sighs

you opened your eyes slowly and saw him tearing up a bit, “xavi..?” you say

“y/n! you’re awake!” he looked up and saw that you were awake so he quickly wiped his tears with his sleeve.

“were you crying, xavi?” you asked and tried to sit up and but felt a pain in your stomach and hissed in pain,,

“fuck!” you cried

“hey, hey, hey, the doctors say your stomach is still not okay, so they don’t recommend sitting for now, yeah? but they say it will heal a bit fast, so you’re gonna be okay, alright?” he dodged your question

“xavi.. you’re ignoring my question” you gave him a frown

“i’m not crying, silly. and even if i was it wouldn’t matter, we need to focus on you right now, bubs” he points to you

“and i kinda want to apologize, for you know.. being jealous and overprotective, i’m the reason you got here..” he says

“don’t blame yourself, i should’ve waited for the next day” you chucked reaching out for his hand

he held your hand and kissed your forehead, “i won’t let anything happen to you, i promise i’m gonna keep you safe, okay?” he assured

------------------------------------------------

i didnt know how to end this and got lazy ahahaha

[pepsiboyy]

HEARTBEAT - part one

pairing: chris sturniolo x fem!reader summary: after moving to massachusetts from florida, y/n lives with her half brother, nathan doe, who is part of a small garage band. their sassy guitarist, chris sturniolo, can't help but get on her nerves. but there's something about him. warnings: use of y/n lol, mentions of drug abuse, cursing, angst a/n: NEW SERIES ugh i hope you guys LOVE IT SO HARD i have been wanting to start this one for so long i would be in class brainstorming it AND NOW IM DONE WITH IN-PERSON SCHOOL so yayy i hope you guys love it!!!!! sincerely, apollo <3

REWRITTEN : I REWROTE THIS HERE. feel free to read this one, the other part one has the same content with further elaboration and some stuff is moved around!!

"are you even listening?"

my eyes ripped from the window to my right.

"yeah, sorry." i mumbled.

massachusetts was so different from florida. it was so much cooler, and why is everything so close together?

i turned to my father, who i swear i only truly knew as a facebook post on my phone screen.

"i think your mom is gonna be so happy to hear that you-"

"she won't care." i chuckled softly as i took a deep breath and sighed, shrugging. "it's okay though. i'm trying to move past that."

as much as i loved my mother, i knew she was bad for me.

my mom was a major drug addict. i fearfully called the cops and child protective services upon finding her in a mental state i had never seen her in. after investigation and lots of court shit i didn't want to think about, i was sent to my father's. i never knew him personally. it was never anything toxic, we talked on social media. but he left shortly after i was born and had a son with a new woman.

my half brother, nathan doe, sat beside me scrolling on his phone.

i had never really spoken to him. he seemed like somebody i might get along with, but i had yet to interact with him.

i guess we would see how it goes.

terrible. it goes terrible. i sat in their guest bedroom for about fourty-five minutes, digging through all of my belongings to find my phone charger. i definitely forgot it.

with a deep sigh, i ran my fingers through my hair and stood to my feet quickly and made my way down the stairs and to the kitchen, where everyone was sitting. i blinked a few times.

"uhh.. hey?" i chuckled awkwardly, biting my lip before burying my hands into my hoodie's pockets. "so um.. i'm gonna run to that gas station we passed on the way here, i'll just walk, i need the fresh air." i breathed.

everyone seemed to exchange looks before they nodded and my dad stood up. "call me if you need anything."

i simply nodded and waved at everyone before heading out the door with a soft sigh, unknowingly slamming the door behind me.

the boston breeze really began to sting about halfway through the walk, even if it were only about three minutes i had really been walking. my headphones hugged my head and played loudly, blasting some of my favorite songs that i had on a playlist to calm down.

there was no reason i should have been so angry, but i think it's just the new environment truly getting to me.

i pulled open the door to the gas station and removed my hood, looking around. my eyes turned to the boy working at the counter, whose eyes were glued to his phone. i turned to look for a charger for my own phone, biting my lip in focus and frowning at the prices. "so expensive.. this is unfair." i scoffed to myself.

after grabbing the two boxes, one being a brick and the other being the cord, i let out a frustrated sigh and set them on the counter, a little harsher than i had anticipated to.

"woah there, i'm sensing some aggression. boyfriend start an argument or what?"

i turned to the boy working, my eyes wide. "excuse me?" i stared at him for a brief moment before scoffing and shaking my head. "none of your business, can you just ring me up please?" i stated firmly, getting out my card and inserting it into the reader.

after pressing a few buttons on the screen on his side, he threw his hands up in defense. "relax sweetheart, i'm just yanking your chain."

"what-?" i stared at him with an expression of disgust, pulling my card out and shoving it into my wallet angrily. i looked at his nametag and squinted slightly.

the boy set the two boxes into a bag and handed them to me, where i gripped the bag and stared at him. "i'm not your sweetheart, chris." i emphasized, quickly leaving and not turning around at the sound of him laughing to himself.

the knock at my door caused me to jump slightly, and i quickly sat up to make my way towards the sound. "what's up?"

i blinked when i saw nate looking at me, the hat on his head backwards and his sleeveless shirt loose on him.

"hey, so.." he blinked a few times as he looked away then back at me. "sorry, i know we haven't spoken much. but um. i'm part of a little band?" he mumbled, and i nodded and leaned against the doorframe as i listened closely. "i figured i should let you know, tuesdays and thursdays we play in the garage, we usually stop at about ten o'clock though, so.." he trailed off.

i looked at him and furrowed my eyebrows before looking at my phone, shrugging softly before setting it back in my pocket. i'm already forgetting the days of the week. couldn't have told anybody today was tuesday.

"that's okay with you, right?"

"yeah, of course. do your thing, man." i smiled reassuringly, and nate's entire expression visibly lit up a bit.

"'preciate it a lot, y/n. you're welcome to sit in and watch if you're interested."

i quickly shook my head and waved a hand. "no no, it's okay. i have some things to do anyway."

nate nodded and waved before he turned and headed down the stairs.

i shut the door and made my way back to my bed, yawning softly. nate seemed very sweet. i don't doubt we will get along in any way, i'm just awkward. and it seems like he is a bit too. pretty sure our dad is, too.

i sighed as i curled up in bed, watching youtube.

11:12pm. it was an hour and twelve minutes past the given time, and all i could hear was sound. just sound. below me.

i was growing frustrated with each second that went by.

fed up, i stood to my feet and stomped out of my room and down the stairs, allowing my arms to hug myself. i was wearing shorts and a baggy tee. the sound grew louder with each step that i took.

i swung open the garage door and looked at nate, slamming the drums, an unfamiliar figure strumming the bass, and-

"hey, y/n," nate stated as he stopped his movements and gave me a toothy smile.

i swear my face went pale.

"this is ben, and this is chris-"

"your name's y/n?" chris stated, his expression equally as shocked as he lowered his arms from his deep red guitar.

[ladytauria]

to celebrate hitting 50k i'm sharing a snippet of the longfic i'm currently working on <3 (thank you v much to both @deepwithintheabyss and @paprikadotmp4 for the encouragement & brainstorming help <3)

still untitled (i've been calling it the "aob dubcon fic" lmao) but i have written a summary:

Jason tries to sell off his first heat to make ends meet for the upcoming winter. When he’s taken by traffickers instead, he’s sure that’s the end of him—until he’s rescued by a mysterious alpha. That “rescue” comes with a price: Jason’s heat hits shortly after, and… one thing leads to another, and now Jason and Tim are bound together by a fledgling mate bond. It’s not the first time Jason’s had to make the best of things, but… he finds it a little bit easier this time, especially as he grows to genuinely like Tim. Unfortunately, just as they're starting to settle into mated life, Tim’s ex-pack starts getting involved, and they don’t exactly approve of Tim’s choice in mate—never mind that it wasn’t really a choice at all.

cws/tags for this snippet: reverse robins, aob dynamics, underage jason (15), first aid, medical inaccuracies (probably; i'm not a doctor, so i'm warning to be safe), hurt/comfort, touch starvation, anxiety, allusions to captivity related ptsd, self-deprecation, brief memories of non-consensual touching

editing to add: this snippet takes place in the 2nd half of chapter 2 <3 (& was originally the second scene for the fic lol)

i have also previously shared a snippet of the scene after this, when jason's heat hits, here.

Tim parks outside of an old apartment building. The brick facade is worn, cracked and peeling in places. Most of the windows are intact at least, though; two of them have lights on, the rest dark.

Tim gets out first, already having rounded the car by the time Jason is swinging his legs out. His hand rests on the door, waiting patiently for Jason to join him on the sidewalk. Then he shuts it. One hand rests on Jason’s back again, a gentle guide inside.

There’s a man at the desk near the front entrance, reading a newspaper. He spares them a brief, bored glance before going back to it.

There’s an out of order sign on the elevator, so they have to take the stairs. It’s just two flights, but by the end, Jason’s slightly out of breath. He’d thought he was in pretty good shape, but—

He guesses spending nearly a week in a small, windowless room hasn’t done him any favors.

Tim stops at a door in the middle of the hall, unlocking it and letting Jason go in first. The main room is all one room; living room transitioning to kitchen, separated by an island counter. Tim guides Jason to the couch, directing him to sit while he gets the first aid kit.

The couch is worn but comfortable, cushions sinking under Jason’s weight, cradling him.

Tim disappears down the hall, and returns a few moments later holding the biggest first aid kit Jason has ever seen. Not that he’s really an expert on the things, but— The one at his house was pretty small.

And mostly empty, honestly.

The coffee table looks comically small under it. It makes Jason’s belly flip with nerves, remembering the feeling of latex covered hands on his body, spreading him open.

He bites his lip.

Tim doesn’t open it, though; instead, he slips into the kitchen. He comes back a moment later, holding a bottle of purple Gatorade. Then, he kneels in front of Jason. It’s—odd. Having an alpha kneel in front of him, voluntarily. Even though Jason knows he doesn’t exactly have any power here, the visual dissonance is—

Odd.

He offers up the bottle. It takes a moment for Jason’s hands to move, but he does take it. His fingers fumble with the cap; he flushed, embarrassed despite himself, but gets it open.

As soon as it touches his lips, his thirst hits him full force. He allows himself two large gulps to wet his throat, and then forces himself to slow down, sipping instead.

When he screws the cap back on, he finds Tim still there. Waiting. He twists his hands around the plastic nervously.

“Alright,” Tim says gently. “Other than the bruise on your side, and the rope burns… are you injured?”

Jason shakes his head, twisting the sleeves of the alpha’s jacket. “Nn-nn. Just some bruises,” he says softly. He pauses. “And, um. I did hit my head once. It still hurts, but— I’m not, like, dizzy or nothin’.”

Tim nods. “Alright,” he says. “I’d like to do a head injury evaluation anyway. I’ll just feel over your skull, and then use a penlight to evaluate your pupil dilation. I’ve got cream for the rope burns, and for the bruise—” Tim hesitates a moment, then continues, “I’ll need to check and make sure nothing is cracked, and there’s no internal bruising.” He pauses again. “As long as there’s nothing serious anywhere else… I have some painkillers you can take, when we eat.”

Jason takes a moment to absorb all of that, and then nods, tipping his head forward obediently.

There’s a part of him screaming at himself not to be so compliant. To kick and claw and scratch and bite and fight, the way he has been for the past week. But he’s— He’s so tired, and sore, and—

The alpha smells so good, and— The smiles he keeps giving Jason melt something inside of him. He wants to keep seeing them. Keep earning them.

Tomorrow that might scare him.

Tonight—

His eyes fall closed when Tim’s fingers slide into his curls. The touch is achingly gentle. It feels— It feels good. Nice. Jason can’t help but lean into it. He thinks Tim’s hands linger a little longer than they need to, like he’s indulging Jason’s obvious enjoyment of the touch.

He does pull away eventually. Jason bites back his whine, instead sitting back up against the cushions.

“No bumps,” Tim murmurs. He gets out the penlight next, and cups Jason’s face as he shines a light first in one eye, and then the other. Jason grimaces, hissing a little as he squints. The light aggravates his aching head. “Pupil dilation is normal.” He pockets the light, and strokes Jason’s cheek with his thumb before he pulls away. “Now, I need to check your bruises.”

Jason bites his lip again. The constant worrying is starting to make the top layer of skin break and flake under his teeth. He averts his eyes, rolling the sleeves of the suit jacket up, exposing his hands. Then he pulls his shirt up, bunching it up just beneath his breasts.

His stomach jumps when Tim touches him. Tim pauses, hand hesitating, just barely touching Jason’s skin, and then— He starts to rumble, low and deep.

Jason whines. He doesn’t mean to—but it bursts from him; he can’t stop it, can’t muffle it. It’s a soft, helpless little keen, and the alpha’s rumble gets louder in response. He scoots closer, until he’s between Jason’s knees. His hand settles onto Jason’s skin, curving around his side. His other hand comes to cup Jason’s shoulder, thumb rubbing gentle circles through his clothes.

“It’s alright,” he soothes, the rumble deepening his voice. The sound—

Jason has only vague memories of his father rumbling for him, from when he was much, much smaller. Before working as a henchman had stolen much of his father’s good will. Other than that, Jason has only ever heard alphas rumble on TV. It’s—

It’s a really nice sound.

Against his will, tears fill his eyes, and he raises his hand, pressing his palm over one, like he can force them back inside. Tim’s hand settles against his side, just underneath the bruising. “You’re alright,” the alpha murmurs. “It’s okay to cry, pup.”

Jason sniffs, loud in the quiet. “I—I—”

“Shh, puppy.” Tim’s hand doesn’t leave Jason as he rises, slipping onto the couch beside him. His other hand cups the back of Jason’s head, tugging him forward—Jason’s arms come up automatically, wrapping around Tim’s neck, his shirt falling back over his abdomen. The alpha’s scent drips with comfort and the promise of protection and Jason—

He feels… He feels warm, and safe, and—

A sob rattles through his chest. Tim holds him closer, tighter, his arm winding around Jason’s waist. He buries his nose in Jason’s curls, stroking his skin with his thumb as he rocks him, slowly.

Jason’s chest heaves. His whole body shakes with each sob, so much that Jason is worried he’s going to shake himself apart. Tim’s steady hold feels like all that’s keeping him together.

It’s not just the last few days, it’s— It’s everything, since his Mom got sick and Dad turned to working as henchman and their lives just… fell apart. He’s— Jason’s been on his own for so long. Longer even than he’s been on the streets. Every day has been a fight for survival and Jason—

Honestly, he thought he’d finally lost.

Tim murmurs in his ear. Jason can’t hear a word of what he’s saying, but the tone is low and gentle, and Jason clings to it.

It takes a long time for Jason’s sobs to subside. Jason— He doesn’t know how long exactly. But he does know that when he’s done he feels exhausted. He slumps into Tim’s chest, tremors still running down his spine. His face is sticky. He definitely got snot all over Tim’s nice shirt, and that—

He’s too tired to even worry about Tim’s reaction.

Fingers comb through his hair again, lightly scritching his scalp. He lets out a soft sigh, slumping even more against the alpha’s chest.

Tim hums. He noses at Jason’s temple; a gentle nudge Jason grumbles at. “C’mon, pup,” he murmurs. “I still need to look at your bruises.”

Jason whines—the same plaintive little puppy whine he used to give his mom when he wasn’t ready to get up yet, for one reason or another. It makes Tim huff, amused; the humor reflected in his scent. It’s nice. Really nice.

He noses at Jason’s temple again. “Pup.” His voice is a little more stern. It’s not threatening, though—doesn’t even make Jason’s hackles raise. Tim is still rumbling. Close as they are, it feels like it’s seeping into Jason’s bones. It lessens the ache in him. His skin— His skin has been itchy for years, but. The creepy crawling of it has subsided, for now at least.

He’s comfortable. Jason doesn’t want to move.

He does anyway, sitting back with a scowl on his face. It makes Tim smile—his scowl deepens.

“I’ll be quick,” Tim promises.

Jason huffs a little. He leans back against the couch cushions. Tim’s hand is still under his shirt, sliding back over to the injured side as Jason lifts it. He feels— He feels more settled now. Less nervous, though butterflies still flutter between his ribs.

Jason watched Tim’s fingers probe gently around the bruising. The purple has started to fade to a greenish hue, but it still hurts when he prods it. Jason’s quiet, pained noises are soothed with soft rumbles and fingers rubbing his shoulders.

When he’s done, Tim’s hand lingers, laying casually on his waist. Jason’s skin would normally be prickling, but—

It isn’t.

It hasn’t this whole time, any time the alpha touched him.

“I don’t feel any cracks or breaks. Did— Were there any injuries to your back?” He’s no longer rumbling.

Jason misses it already. There’s a part of him that wants to snuggle up to him, see if he can’t coax that rumble back out.

He ignores it; instead shaking his head. “No. They— The, um, the boss said they were supposed to keep me as uninjured as possible. Any punishment had to be careful not to leave a mark.”

Tim hums. He strokes Jason’s skin with his thumb, and then slips his hand from Jason’s waist. It—

Jason finds that he misses it.

Tim leans forward, finally opening the first aid kit. It’s stocked, full of things Jason has names for and things he doesn’t. Tim takes out two things: the first, a small jar, and the second, a bottle of puppy’s Tylenol. Jason—he doesn’t like it, but he can’t really argue with it. Not at his size and weight and everything. They’re pills, at least, and chewable too,

Jason examines them carefully before he takes them, washing away the chalky flavor with the drink he’d been given before.

Tim unscrews the lid of the jar. The cream inside smells herbal, though not unpleasantly so. Jason holds out his arm, relaxing into the couch as the alpha works the cream into his skin.

It’s easy to let his eyes fall half-lidded. Jason is warm and sleepy. The air is thick with protective alpha scent; it soothes his hind-brain, the part that is purely omega, purely pup and longing for the comfort and safety of pack.

A small voice in the back of his mind is screaming, telling him he needs to keep his guard up.

It’s easy to ignore like this. To focus on nothing but gentle hands on his skin and the ambient noise around him; the hum of electricity and the distant noise of outside traffic.

Jason drifts.

He barely registers when the alpha switches arms, coming back up only to croon confusedly when Tim stops touching him. He blinks up at him, and gets a kind smile in return.

“Hush, pup,” the alpha soothes. “I’m going to get us something to eat.”

Jason blinks slowly at him and hums in acknowledgment. Tim gets a blanket from—somewhere, and lays it over him. It’s soft. Jason likes it. He nuzzles into it, into more of the alpha’s scent, and sighs.

He can hear Tim moving around in the kitchen—the clatter of dishware and pans, the bubbling of boiling liquid, the sound of his soft footsteps. He can smell something savory—chicken, he thinks, and garlic.

He drifts again, stirring only when Tim nudges him gently. A steaming bowl of soup is pressed into his hands.

“It’s hot,” Tim warns, a bit unnecessarily.

Jason still burns his tongue on the first mouthful. He doesn’t care. Having the food in front of him has made him realize how ravenous he is. His bowl is empty far too soon, though he’s too stuffed to go back for seconds.

His empty bowl is taken from him, and then Tim returns again. “C’mon, pup,” he murmurs. “I’ve got a spare toothbrush you can use. A spare den, too. I’ll get you some nesting materials and pajamas while you brush your teeth.”

Jason reluctantly leaves the couch and blanket behind, shuffling down the hall and into the bathroom. Tim procures a toothbrush for him, and then leaves.

It’s a relief to brush his teeth.

His captors had done it for him, so rough his gums had bled and ached. They still bleed under Jason’s gentle ministrations, but at least it doesn’t hurt. By the time he’s rinsing his mouth, Tim has returned, a bundle in his arms. He offers it to Jason.

“Clothes,” he says, a little unnecessarily.

Jason takes them, and Tim leaves again, giving him privacy. Jason goes to shut the door and then—

Hesitates.

He doesn’t want it open. But— He doesn’t…

What if he shuts it, and it won’t open again?

He’s. He’s being silly.

There’s no way this apartment has more than one bathroom. Trapping Jason inside here would be dumb, and he doesn’t think this alpha is dumb.

Jason takes a deep breath. He shuts the door.

Except—

He doesn’t. The latch hits the frame and Jason stops. His heart thunders in his ears. His breaths come sharper, quicker. He can’t. He can’t, he can’t, he can’t.

Tears burn in his eyes.

It’s not fair.

He rests his head against the frame; one hand cradling the bundle of clothes to his chest, the other gripping the doorknob.

God. He’s so fucking pathetic.

He shudders. Takes a deep breath. It shakes on his exhale, a tremor in his chest. It’s fine. He doesn’t have to shut it all the way. He can leave it like this, with the metal latch over the door frame, only the tiniest sliver of hallway visible.

It’s fine.

He’s fine.

Jason strips quickly, clothes falling into a puddle at his feet. He yanks on the pants the alpha provided. They’re a little short at the ankle, and he has to draw the drawstrings all the way out for them to stay up, but. They fit well enough.

The shirt, too, is a little big, hanging off slightly at one shoulder. It doesn’t show his breasts, and hangs down to his mid-thigh, so Jason doesn’t mind.. Both pants and tee are soft on his skin, not scratching like the other set did.

There’s a hamper. Jason drops his old clothes in, though he’d much rather see them in a dumpster somewhere. The jacket—

Jason hadn’t realized how much it had been comforting him until now. Without it, he feels almost naked. Exposed. He wants to put it back on again. He resists the urge, though. Instead, he straightens it as best he can, then folds it in half and lays it on top of the hamper before he exits the bathroom.

Tim isn’t in the living room any more, and Jason stands, nibbling on his lip. Maybe he should go for the door… but. He can’t bring himself to. Instead he stands there, uselessly, until he hears rustling further down the hall.

He approaches tentatively, and finds Tim in the den at the end of the hall.

Tim glances up when he hears Jason approach, and smiles a little. “I was just getting out some nesting materials,” he says, gesturing.

In front of him is a cushioned nest base, held off the ground by a wooden frame. Piled on top of it is—

Jason had been expecting maybe a couple of blankets and some pillows, but—

The blankets are piled tall; the one on top Jason recognizes as the blanket he’d been using on the couch. There are plenty of pillows, too—and padding, for added layers, and cushions, and, it’s… It’s a lot.

Jason’s throat feels a little tight. “Thanks,” he says, voice small.

“Of course, pup,” Tim says gently. He’s pulled his scent in tight now, but when he draws nearer, Jason catches a whiff of safehere and everythingsokay drifting off of him. His hand moves slow enough it would be easy for Jason to avoid it, but. He stays still, letting the alpha brush his knuckles over his cheek.

“Goodnight, pup,” he murmurs. “If you need me, I’ll be just down the hall.”

Jason nods. The alpha’s hand drops, and then he leaves.

The rest of the den… It’s not bare, but it lacks a personal touch. There’s a chest of drawers in the corner closest to the closet; a nightstand by the nest; and curtains hanging over the window. He shuffles further in, leaving the door open behind him.

He leaves the nest alone for now. Instead—

He goes for the closet first, opening the door. It’s bare inside, except for a thin layer of dust. Jason shuts it again. He opens the drawers, as quietly as he can. Empty as well. The den smells— Not stale, it’s definitely been used before, but. He catches the barest hints of alpha scent, and other than that… It just smells clean.

Jason rubs at his eyes.

No more putting it off.

As much as he doesn’t want to… Jason doesn’t shut the door all the way. Instead, just like in the bathroom, he leaves it open the tiniest sliver. Anything more, and he won’t be able to sleep. Anything less—

Panic.

Even the thought makes his heart race.

Jason rubs his face. He hates this. He hates it so much. Fuck. Sometimes it feels like life is just out to get him. Like—someone or something out there wants him to suffer.

Stop it. Plenty of people have it worse than you do, he scolds himself. He’s safe right now, or— He has the illusion of safety, at least. The alpha is being nice. Jason is— He’s not bound up. The door isn’t locked. There are no bars on the window. Tim treated his injuries. Held him when he cried. Gave him food and something to drink and soft clothes.

And he’d given Jason plenty of material to make a nice, comfortable nest to den in. One that might finally satisfy the instincts that have been screaming at him.

Jason takes a breath, and pads over to the nest. The sheer amount of material before him is almost overwhelming, but… He goes through it slowly. He starts with the padding, layering it into the nest base and using the cushions to help give it shape. He tests it as he goes, until he has something that’s plush, but not so much that it will engulf him. He works a nest cover over it. It’s a bit of a struggle to get it on, but Jason manages; only a little winded by the end. What padding and cushions he didn’t use—

He decides to put them in the closet, where they’ll be out of the way.

Blankets next.

Jason sorts through the pile slowly, rubbing each on his cheek. Scenting them. The one he used on the couch is the strongest scented; still thick with the contentment he’d felt in the alpha’s arms, and the protective, comforting scent Tim had drenched the air with.

He ends up using a little over half of the blankets Tim provided. The rest he puts in the closet.

Pillows—

Jason doesn’t use as many of them. He ends up putting most of them in the closet. And then, finally—

His nest is done.

He stands back, surveying his handiwork. He trills with pride, running his hand over the edge. His nest is soft. Cozy. It needs— It needs books. And— His fox. He misses his fox, the one his mom gave him. He kept it— He managed to keep it safe, all this time.

It’s probably gone now. Or ruined.

His eyes sting, and he swipes at them roughly.

Jason is so tired of crying.

He climbs into bed, pulling the blankets over and around him, snuggling down into the pillows. It feels—

Safe.

There’s something missing, though. Jason— He’s not sure what it is, but—

He’ll worry about it in the morning.

[x-authorship-x]

Can I ask who's Obi and what's AnS? I've seen you mention them sometimes and I think I've seen you reblog things on it? But I never looked it up, but since you have amazing tastes in fictional men you got me curious now

Hehehe, Anon, you're in for a lot of gushing...

AnS/SWTRH: Akagami no Shirayuki-hime/Snow White with the Red Hair is a manga (with only one season of anime rip) and it was actually my first real manga love. That's right folks, my Obi love predates Shisui!

I don't want to spoil it too much for you if you decide to have a go at it but, basics are:

Shirayuki is a herbalist in the Kingdom of Tanbarun who was born with striking crimson hair, which garners a lot of attention for her. When she's forced to run, she makes it over the border into the neighbouring kingdom of Clarines as a kind of refugee. She meets and gains the aid of the Second Prince, Zen, and his two Knight aids, Kiki and Mitsuhide. Shirayuki and Zen are the main pairing in the anime. Shirayuki joins the gang by apprenticing as a herbalist at the Royal Infirmary.

Here's a manga cover: (bottom right to left going upwards clockwise) Shirayuki, Zen, Kiki, Mitsuhide, and then... Obi

I'll try not to devolve lol

Obi, who is the tritagonist, was hired by a minor antagonist in the castle to basically... scare Shirayuki off from 'befriending' (in the shipping way, yk?) Zen, but nothing he does works. In watching her, Obi becomes curious about the kind of stubborn, sensitive, intelligent, kind woman that Shirayuki is. Through a series of events, Obi is taken on as one of Zen's attendants, going so far as to call the prince 'Master', and becomes Shirayuki's bodyguard and partner in crime during her adventures. He refuses to address her by name and only calls her 'miss'. Obi eventually comes to fall in love with Shirayuki, which Zen is aware of but Shirayuki is not, but he loves Shirayuki and values Zen too much to even consider speaking of it, not to mention his own beliefs that he is unworthy. Obi has a very mysterious past, not just because he has a lot of dubious skills with fighting, parkour, thievery and espionage, but because we don't actually know where he's from etc. Needless to say, I am hardcore ObiYuki allllll the way.

Obi:

He's just-!!!! He's very playful and evasive and you can tell he really doesn't value himself as much as he does the people around him. Even when Knighted, he's still got this image of himself as a dirty mercenary assassin trying to get by. He's flirty, a good few people polyship him with ZenYuki, but skittish of real emotion. He touched Shirayuki's shoulder once and then couldn't sleep because he was thinking about it over and over.

He and Shirayuki are low-key high-key raising a child together (Ryuu is technically Shirayuki's apprenticeship master lol child genius) and he's such a good father figure, even if he wouldn't see it that way

Obi is really sensitive, there are so many times when Shirayuki will earnestly thank him and he'll literally just... Buffer. He can swear his fealty and make sly comments about setting his life at other's feet but the moment someone suggests that they love him back?? Evasion, freezing, side eyes, wide eyes, I'm just 😩

Obi is a badass. He's literally THE badass of the show. Zen has a sword, yeah, and Kiki could kill me and I'd thank her but... Damn. Obi is doing backflips in a spar and shit, he's literally launching himself across rooftops and scaling turrets.

Obi is actually just a really wonderful person? He listens to people. He has absolutely no background or real interest in herbalism but guess what he'll fucking do? Run around on little adventures with Ryuu and Shirayuki, repotting plants under their direction, wading through ice caves to find flowers, helping them in the lab to distill essences... And he's listening and brainstorming with them! It would be so easy for his character to have passed off on it, maybe turned it into a "I'm here but not mentally" joke or maybe even just pushed to the back of these scenes but no, Obi's right in there all the time to help. Shirayuki and Zen have relationship issues? Obi doesn't even think about trying for his own agenda, he just puts supporting them (Shirayuki first, then Zen) as the top priority. Kiki and Mitsuhide in a bind? Obi will come out with a line but of course he would help them, watching carefully with concealed concern. Later, when Obi has his own duties, he's still heavily involved with the day to day research of his friends, making friends with other lab researchers outside of being Shirayuki's tagalong!

So... That's Obi! My OG babygirl!❤️✨

Hope that cleared it up for you! 🥰✨

Edit: his eyes are gold. That's the final nail in my coffin

[youcantkillanidea]

hmmm okay here's my rambles. idk I might turn this into a fic at some point but it's more likely that if anything I just do some art and maybe some oneshots every now and then lol. But I wanted to talk about the portal fidds concept because I'm very attached.

Basically the idea is that, during the portal test, Fiddleford falls into the portal completely instead of just his head poking in and the rope isn't there for Ford to just pull him back out. Fidds gets stuck outside of their dimension, and now Ford not only has to deal with a world ending portal and demonic possessions but also the guilt of convincing his friend to help build and test the portal that would ultimately lead to this. More thoughts below the cut

There's a few reasons, I think, as to why Ford wouldn't just immediately reopen the portal to try to save Fiddleford. For one, it might end the world of course- I don't know that that alone would be enough deterrent here, but it'd probably make a big impact. For another thing, if he had to go in after Fidds to save him, he could get stuck too, and then there'd be no one around to disassemble the portal and make sure Bill didn't end the world.

I think maybe he'd still call Stanley, but when they met up Ford's plan would instead be "I need to go into the portal to save my friend, you need to be around to disassemble it in case we don't come back, and also hide my journal" and this could still pick at old wounds with like- Stan's not the one being told to leave immediately, but Ford is leaving him immediately it's like. Oh okay so you're going on the adventure of a lifetime without me. Obviously he wouldn't agree to it but I don't think there’s be the same "pushing him in" situation. I don't know where I'd take it from here tbh! I'm just kinda brainstorming- maybe they'd go in the portal on a rescue mission together and it could turn into a mystery trio thing?

I've thought more about portal Fidds. He wouldn't have the memory gun with him so that wouldn't be a problem anymore. But now there's a more physical barrier between him and his family and friends instead of a mental one, and he'd probably really miss them all. He's still angry at Ford probably but there's a lot going on and he has a lot of feelings and he's probably thinking about things a lot more without immediately wiping his memory so there's more nuance.

Fidds needs weapons for self defence out there of course and I've thought about that too. Making robots seems to be a specialty of his and he could definitely still find some use for them out there but I don't know how convenient or portable those would be as weapons. He mentions in Legend of the Gobblewonker that he's building a death ray, and I can imagine him doing something similar here as a weapon! Though he could also just use a gun lol

I don't own a copy of Journal 3 and haven't actually read it, so everything I know from it comes from little bits I've heard or seen from other people, it's very limited. So I don't know much about the other dimensions tbh! I'd have to look into it more if I wanted to actually write something. If Fidds can find a banjo or similar instrument out there though I like to think he'd take comfort in that :))

Idk if Bill would be after Fidds really? Like, chasing him down or anything I mean? I don't think he'd care that much? But Fidds is a great way of guilting Ford into reopening the portal for sure! And fuck man it works! As long as they can close the portal right away it shouldn't cause Weirdmaggeddon though? Because like, nothing like that happens when Ford falls in in canon so it should be fine I guess. But it's still a concern ofc! That's why Ford doesn't want to leave it unsupervised!

[umber-cinders]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

I was tagged by the lovely @megamindsecretlair 🤗💖✨

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Since I last did this, I've up my total of works from four to six so I'm happy about that 😄

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

From 182,483 words last time, to 287,008 right now in June 2024 😁

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I'm hoping to add more to my collection but right now this is it lol

1. Black Panther 2. Secret Invasion 3. Bright (2017)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I only have four fics up and one of them is brand new so 😅

Winter Moon

Mount Jabari

Incubus

If The Shoe Fits

Bonds In Blue

In that order. You can find a link to my fics for both tumblr and Ao3 here

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

HELL 👏🏾YES👏🏾 I love talking to the people reading my stuff and want them to know that their comments are appreciated and often keep me motivated to write more 😁Love you guys! 💕

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmmm, I guess that would be If The Shoe Fits. There's a planned part two that might negate this answer though.

(This answer still stands so far)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Mount Jabari 🤣Reader was very happy at the end of that fic.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I did on Winter Moon but I don't particularly care about the opinions of someone whose intentions are to be intentionally dismissive and negative so the comments the person received in return were likely not what they had wanted 💀

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Absolutely. And I'm not sure what the categories are, but I'd describe my smut as detailed and nasty 😈

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Nah, never did a crossover and not really a fan of them. However when I was still really young there was a gigantic, kind of OOC crossover fic with a bunch of popular anime from the 90s/2000s called Otherworld and I used to read that like it was the bible. It inspired me to do my own first fanfics. There were like 9 books to that story and multiple oneshots and short stories that tied the characters together and everything.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I am aware... and anyone who tries it...

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not publicly, but I have gotten a comment that someone loves my story so much that they translate every chapter so that they could read it properly and it made me so happy 😭❤💕

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope! But I do love giving other authors ideas and vice versa. I think it helps people think outside the box when they brainstorm with friends.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I'm going to say Attoye from Black Panther for now? I was never that big of a "shipping" person in fandoms but I definitely enjoy Attoye enough to say I ship them. I also like Nashuri and Killmora.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Nothing atm. I tend to work on stories in order of inspiration and importance. I don't publish things I'm not willing to commit time to at some point.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I've been told that I write very descriptively and that it can paint a vivid picture of scenarios and characters, so I'll go with that.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Fluff and filler. I don't dislike fluff completely but I tend to write it as realistically as possible because trying to imagine people being that super ooey gooey makes me wanna gag and cringe lmfao

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I do it only when necessary for the simple fact that having to provide translations for entire scenes of dialogue gets tiresome very quickly.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Inuyasha 🐶✨

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

This is hard because I love all my fics and have several multi chapter stories that I consider my babies. For now I will go with Winter Moon or Bond In Blue since they are published.

Tagging anyone who hasn't done this yet because I don't know who has and hasn't 💖💗💕✨

[mallbangs]

in 2017, i tried to start this project where anyone could call a number and leave a voicemail of literally anything; sounds, memories, whatever they wanted that was tied to a music project called enoshima that had gone dormant until “recently”. i put “recently” in quotes bc i guess we will just have to wait and see (if ur like me with trying to find new music, if u do enough digging on the internet i’m sure you’ll find some stuff) the goal was to use a landline phone with cassette answering machine so i could keep hard copies for a future use of an idea. after buying three used landline phones and phone calls not triggering the answering machines but luckily would still get email copies of the few voicemail audio files i did…in short, the idea failed miserably due to lack of reach, personal reasons, and money because its not free to have a phone number lol and the enoshima project just went dormant with its own reasons as well…

in 2019, i started to brainstorm a more intentional concept that would connect the caller/listener with the music i had started to write (the current project, mallbangs, that i feel lucky enough and honored to work with the people i do now and have had worked with previously, when it always feels so embarrassing for me to release any of it) and the kind of experience i am trying to thread together now, community and a space in the art, music from inside and outside the digital space. i guess attempting to ground the way that i and i think a lot of ppl consume art these days; strictly through their phones.. it’s why i use my music in the voicemail videos and posts with the hope that ppl make the connection that it’s tied together..well.. it sorta started to gain very little traction but better than it had ever previously.

i think the fact that it began to reach ppl was in part due to 2020 and everything that started unfolding that year; pandemic, quarantine, school years and graduations/normal experiences just evaporated, here in the united states the murders of george floyd and rayshard brooks and the summer uprising of 2020.. i could obviously go on… come january 4th 2022, after a year or so of randomly posting about it because i started to think it wasn’t something ppl were really interested in, it went viral. i spent literally 24 hrs, multiple days, no sleep, emptying the voicemail box every 10 - 20 minutes because that many ppl were calling. i got so anxious, and this feeling of guilt because i wanted everyone who was calling to have the ability to leave one. i didn’t want to let anyone down those first weeks. it’s not as intense as it was then but im still emptying the voicemail box multiple times a day. i’m ngl i freaked out. it was completely overwhelming.

through out last year the project, my personal, and music accounts nearly got banned about 20 times or so because i was unaware that i was doing something that wasn’t allowed on a certain platform. somehow, all of the accounts survived, and it’s up to over 80k voicemails. i even started accepting DMs to post just in case speaking was too much for someone and that’s at a few thousand now. started a p.o. box as well and that’s been very little. allowing the project to evolve into web of different formats naturally as it feels that it wants to. i’m not sure if someone’s written words are any easier to absorb than hearing some ppls pain audibly. both written and audio recorded msgs have made me breakdown more than i can count on what seems inevitable but still for unknown reasons to myself, unexpected.

the new song gutter was inherently inspired and written about all of those emotions i had and have been feeling from the voicemails and what not as well as my own personal shit whether i was consciously aware of it at the time or not. some of the time im oblivious when writing. more often than not it just happens melodies and lyrics fall out like word vomit. stream of consciousness or serendipitous i guess. it became evident it was inspired by all of the aforementioned when i started trying to piece together random lyrics it already had ruminating and while demoing it out. the song had started to, in a way, show me what i was trying to convey. which is why you hear the guttural stutter in the beginning and end. its the dying sound of the radio in my car i no longer have for transportation and hundreds of voicemails collaged together in the demo. When i went to actually record the song, i insisted on keeping that collaged stutter of voicemail’s and noise bc it would have lost what i felt made it even more personal for me. idk if this is fucking pretentious or stupid to say, but that incessant stutter is like symbolic for getting drowned out when u need to be heard.. isolation.. denial.. i guess, if the lyrics are even that revealing. i always try to make lyrics not so surface level but yea i think this one is maybe more surface level than others and yea i just think the stutter sounds cool too.

if you’ve been following the music or the voicemail project for a while, this song could either have been a subliminal experience (of) or maybe surface level at best what its place is in either the VM project or in the music; descending from the official version, a demo version lazily titled “sorry demo”, and the early version which was an acoustic demo. the latter of said three versions had long been the de facto voicemail project song for a while, I guess. 

if its familiar to you because you know me its probably because, as you know, I tend to neurotically play so many song ideas on the guitar into the ground that it’s to the point I don’t realize Im playing them when im around y’all lol 

to everyone else, if this song had been familiar at all to you prior to it being released it is because the acoustic demo version was used around that period of time in 2022 when i was repeatedly getting threatened with being banned.. potentially losing the VM project’s account, the art, and the memories of genuine interactions with strangers that I often tend to think isn’t really real sometimes. Like having felt some of you accepted me for me or what I am emotionally/comfortably able to present to you online..and in that sentiment irl I maybe take for granted interactions with new potential friends or even strangers sometimes as well tbh. 

I realize all of that previous paragraph could be redundant, im sorry :/ But, I have such strong passion for the music and the voicemail thing. So much so that i’ve never monetized any of the voicemail stuff. i’ve never made any “merch/products” to sell or have tried to turn it into a business because these things i create or write mean more to me than the idea of “curating for profit”. never intended for any of the voicemail stuff to be a “marketing strategy” thing. the music hasn’t been recognized as part of this thing, probably due to my lack of making the concept of all of this clear, and probably because of my pride in not wanting any of this to be perceived as such. which i know in this capitalistic hellscape it will be ripped off and done in such a way that someone may be successful from it, its already happening as many have pointed out to me.

out of all this silly voicemail thing and my musical attempt, the most important thing i’ve learned is that everyone just needs someone to speak to even if they don’t talk back. someone just to listen. to be able to get lost in music that takes them somewhere they can feel comfortable like i try to do everyday when listening to music. the voicemails, the DMs, writing music.. it gets very mentally and emotionally overwhelming for me.. listening to them everyday, reading the DMs everyday, struggling to gather the energy in me that never seems to wither to just write.. and if someone offered me a path that is without any of that? i wouldn’t take it. even if it meant making some of these lingering feelings just go away for good.

a few people have told me to end the project because they’re afraid of what it could be doing to me. their concern is valid. i won’t deny that. but i feel as if this thing is larger than myself at this point. and i think the take away for me from all of this is that, im just glad this silly little idea may be helping someone when i myself most times feel like i have nowhere to go or no one to run to. and if i die tomorrow ill be at some what of peace knowing that if i have done anything worth meaning in this short experience of life that we all get to share with one another, its the music and this voicemail project and the community, the safe space ..all of whatever the music and this project has given someone…everything i feel that i never had. i feel eternally honored and grateful that if at all, it has helped someone when i couldnt even help myself.

there’s nothing i could give that’s of equal value to the gratitude i have for anyone that has ever left a msg of some sort and has or continues to support this project and the music. so all i can say is thank you.

with all the love i have,

aidy <3

[suneiaaa]

2022 recap!

Hey so I want to reflect about 2022 cause it's been one hell of a year. I do this for myself, but perhaps someone else is curious. I also want to bring back writing blog posts. I hope you'll excuse me if that's difficult and ends up being just a wish though, cause nowadays it's very hard to drop the phone and stop watching silly videos. I hate how our attention span goes off the window just like that. Actually let me make that a New Year's resolution: stop with the silly videos, thank you. The only reason I don't feel guilty about it is because I know it's the way social media is designed that manipulates our attention span left and right lol

Anyways,

2022.

In summary, I finished artschool, found my first industry jobs, moved into a new flat with my partner.

That was a lot of changes in a short period of time and I feel like I'm still recovering from/processing it.

_

In January, I was working really hard on the last 8 pages of Crow of Stone for one of my projects. That was the steepest learning curve up to that moment. From having to change the plot 7 or 8 times, to thumbnailing and scribbling, to storyboards, to handling critique and applying it, to being hella stressed out because perfectionism & still being unable to guess correctly how much information 8 pages can hold. Doing Comics Is So Hard, it's so much harder than you think!!!

I also put myself in charge of putting together the InDesign document of the zine Crow of Stone was in and that was really stressful FUCK THAT!!!:) We sold our zine at Comic BCN a couple months later, that was also a nice experience.

--

Then I got a chance to catch my breath but not really because that project ending meant the start of the final project And I Did Not Know What To Do Yet

I focused on adding some more pages to Crow of Stone and make it to the deadline of the International Comic School Contest of Clip Studio 2022 that is very long to write so from now on it'll be 'CSP CONTEST'. That was very important to me! I had always wanted to participate. I couldn't make it during 3rd year (my classmate won though!!) and this year felt like my last chance. So I did that. I had already given up on the idea of making something new with the time I had so CoS would have to do! You can read it here.

We were also Kindly Asked to participate in another scolarship (?) contest and had to create several comic(al) strips as entry. That wasn't too bad even though it didn't go anywhere lol

------

A NY WAYS, there went my time for the final project lol

It must have been April by this point. At first I wanted to create a storybook with my OC Neia but I struggled to give the story a... story.

My brainstorming for a new idea started. And it was a bit desperate. What did I want to draw? Should it be a comic? What did I like to read? Should I make something according to my inspirations? Quick, what are my favorite genres? Tropes? And most importantly, what do I want to tell? Etc. 

Lots of little drawings ensued.

And I finally came up with something that I felt was 'me' enough, and cool enough, and worth exploring. Llamadas Perdidas (missed calls, or lost calls.). The plot is STILL very hard to explain so I will translate it literally below and make of that what you will...

----

May. So my final project was pitching this whole thing. Thus creating a portfolio with the premise, plot, synopsys and sample pages. Just like with CoS, storyboarding was hard, thinking was hard. Time was almost up when I decided to pour all my energy into 6 pages. I was even finishing up the cover just a few hours before my deadline. 

That moment was fun, actually. I showed my work to my professor full of self doubt and wondering if it would be enough. He looks at me like girl this is fantastic sdhsjdhsjdh 

I had barely slept that day. On the way to school I found some broken glasses in a puddle and wondered, who could have lost their glasses like that? Flash forward and I'm home and I had taken a quick nap. And I can't find my newest, goodest pair of glasses. Before paranoia got the best of me I went outside and looked for them on the street (yeah I couldn't believe it either). Halfway to my school I gave up and went back home... And I found them before that: someone had left my glasses, intact, on a windowsill. On my fucking street. I had dropped my fucking glasses on my way home. Hah. I'll admit I cried a little bit.

---

June. As an extraordinary school thing, we were visiting a publisher's installations that day. When we met up with my teacher, for some reason, he said to me something like 'Thank GOD you're here. If you hadn't come I would have killed you. Are you nervous?'

And I said 'No?'

And he replied 'You better be'

Which puzzled me for a bit, but haha... During our meeting with the publishers they actually said 'Later we want to talk to X and Sun' and OH MY GOD was I fucking shocked (laughs)

Yes, they told me they Wanted To Publish Llamadas Perdidas. They saw my pitch and thought it was very cool. So I'll let you imagine the look on my face. Finishing school and already landed my first gig and as an author, no less. Man.

I spent several days being in a weird high and processing and I'll admit I haven't processed it yet. And thus I finished 4 years of art school.

---

I've written so much so from now on it'll be an actual summary.

Dealing with my first contract, panicking a little bit... On July I also received this good news: Crow of Stone had been awarded a runner-up prize in the Manga category of the CSP contest!

This was really great!! I fucking loved reading the critique and checking the other entries and I felt very proud...!

Also!!! They contacted me from ANOTHER publisher to work on another comic project. Since comics aren't well paid I took the job too :^) Freelancing in Spain is also hella expensive like you wouldn't believe soo... No, but it's also a good project and I'm glad I'm working on it as well! Can't talk about it yet.

MEANWHILE my partner and I were LOOKING FOR A PLACE TO MOVE IN TOGETHER!! Barcelona is so fucking expensive and it was straight out impossible to find anything decent. Even in the suburbs. So it sucked for a while... but eventually we decided to live in the small town we live in now. And we could find something pretty quickly :') And we moved in in August!!! WAHOO big lifegoal achieved :')

---

Fall. I've become a freelancer (oh god finances are such a headache...) and have been working on my 2 comic projects mostly. It took a while to adapt to like working everyday but I'm proud at how hard I've been working. Llamadas Perdidas is definitely the most difficult because I want to get it right/so many demons to fight and so much to learn. I'm also happy about the commissions I've been taking and love the style I developed. In December my art school and Clip Studio invited me to have a small panel at Manga BCN where I talked about Crow of Stone. I was honored & happy, especially since I met with my professor (the same I mentioned before) and he was very happy to see me and encouraged me a lot!

----------

That's about the major events that happened. My reflections? This year has been the steepest learning curve by far and also my most successful. I hope I can grow as an author and artist and keep flourishing. Also I literally just want to pay my bills with my work lol so there's my hopes and dreams. I haven't had much time to draw for myself, planning and drawing comics is super time consuming. But I didn't want to force myself too much and properly adapt to my new life (deadlines deadlines...deadliens...dead aliens...)

Videogame wise? I played Earthbound. It was the greatest thing I'd played in the longest time. Definitely a highlight. Triangle Strategy was cool too, but I hate Roland with all my heart. Xenoblade 3 was a good game but a disappointment story-wise. I had genuine fun being hyped for it, and playing too, though. So as we say in Spanish 'you can't take away the time in which I've been dancing'. Endwalker was fine though I like Shadowbringers a bit more x) OST wise this year was super fantastic. There were more games but I forgor. Oh yeah, Paper Mario was being great but it broke on me :( Also I became addicted to Eve and blame myself for not discovering him before. It's my fucking jam I admire him a lot.

To wrap up.

Wish me luck, I'll be working on comics all year, head full, want to maybe try streaming with the mic on,aaaaahhh thank you all for supporting me ESPECIALLY those who have been there for YEARS those who have commissioned me and just. Thank you! Happy New Year 2023, manifesting good mental health for all of us.

[nnnn99999]

Okay storytime because I am in my feels (again) and I want to yap. Throwback to my school days because why not?

In early 2017, I somehow ended up participating in a play for our annual cultural function at school. This was pretty out of character for me. First because I am a huge introvert, I don't like socializing and I especially don't like being the centre of attention. Second because at the time I was swamped with studies so I didn't want to direct my time and energy elsewhere. Third because I was the only girl in that group and I barely knew any of the guys. Sure, I had been classmates with a lot of them for years but there was just one guy I could call a friend. Because he was the only one I had had actual conversations with.

So how did I end up agreeing to be in that play? Well, over a dozen boys from my class came up with a script together and included a mother figure in it. Then, these boys collectively decided that I was the most motherly in the entire class so I would be perfect to play the role. I don't even think I had any competition in this most motherly contest lol. So they sent the most talkative guy in the group as their representative to convince me. This guy somehow managed to talk me into agreeing.

Since there were a lot of drama groups wanting to participate in the function, the school held an audition(?) to select the best ones. My group ended up losing. We barely didn't make it because the others had more interesting scripts. Everyone liked ours a lot, they just liked the others a bit more. The boys were really upset because they had put in so much effort. I didn't care as much because I had joined only a few days before the audition. I barely had time to understand the script and not mess up my part. Anyway, I thought that would be the end of it but the principal had other plans.

For years, the opening act of the function was a group song. But that year the principal wanted to change things up. He wanted the opening act to be something like a live music video to a patriotic song (I really don't know how else to describe it, it was not a musical because nobody was singing, it was just acting out scenes with the song playing in the background). Additionally, the principal apparently liked my group so much that he decided that the entire group had to participate in this opening act. (Sometimes I wonder if he came up with this idea just to include our group in the function.) This is how I randomly became a part of an even bigger project. Because of the concept, we ended up having a huge cast with students from different grades. There were very few girls because it was a male heavy concept. I ended up as the oldest among the girls and the only one from my grade.

Rehearsals were chaotic. We were pressed for time as it was a very last minute decision. There were too many people to keep track of, especially because a lot of the boys tried to sneak away at every opportunity. We were figuring out the scenes to include without any proper direction because the principal only gave us a vague idea of what he wanted and we had to run through whatever we came up with and make changes on the spot. We had so little time to decide on the scenes because we had to put more time to rehearse. The concept required a lot of people to move in sync and the movements were not easy either. Despite all the chaos, it was pretty fun overall.

I actually ended up being more involved in this than I initially expected. Suddenly, I was responsible for keeping the rest of the girls in check all the time. I was also on the brainstorming team, coming up with ideas and adjusting the scenes for better flow. During rehearsals, I was always making suggestions to make everything more visually pleasing. I'm pretty sure I also screamed at people to get their shit together at one point. Yeah, I became pretty invested in it very quickly.

Coming to my role in this act, you could never guess it. I played the mother of a newborn child (a very creepy looking doll, thankfully I could cover it up with swaddling clothes). Because a group of over 40 people, including the teacher who was helping and supervising us, agreed that I was the most motherly across all the grades participating in the act. What about my appearance or mannerisms seemed so motherly to them, I don't really undetstand.

The show ended up being a success. It was very challenging to prepare a show of that scale in such a short amount of time but the end result was pretty great. It was a fun experience overall.

Fun fact: I became a fan of bts because of this whole thing. This is how it went down. All the people participating in the function had to come in on a holiday to rehearse. Everyone who used the school bus was there by 7:30 am, including me. The others didn't even start coming before 10 am. This actually happened for students of grade 6 and upwards, the younger ones had their parents drop them off pretty early. So basically nobody had a full team to rehearse with and had to find a way to pass time for 2-3 hours.

All the girls ended up huddled together in one corner of the field because somehow nobody had friends. I was still the oldest in this group and the only one from my grade. The conversation started with discussions on what everyone was performing and then somehow ended up on a passionate discussion about kpop. I don't even remember what was talked about in that conversation. Mostly because it was my first time hearing about it. At the time, kpop was a very unfamiliar concept in my country and only a dozen people in the entire school knew of its existence. Also, the dozen people were actually 2 friend groups. Anyway, I was intrigued enough to keep it in the back of my mind.

Months after this discussion, around mid 2017, I randomly remembered it and decided to check out what kpop was. I tried a few songs from different groups, didn't really like any of them. Decided that kpop was actually pretty cool but not my thing. Then around the end of 2017, it was probably november by this point, I was bored and randomly decided to check out bts because why not. I hadn't tried out bts in my previous attempt to get into kpop. I ended up really liking bts. In fact, I liked them enough to go on a music video marathon. Then I saw a live performances and I liked them even more. Then I wanted to know their names and somehow I found myself deep in the bts rabbit hole.

I didn't have anyone to talk to about bts because there was only one girl in my class who knew bts and that too because she watched kdramas. Naturally, I ended up yapping to my sister despite her being not interested at all. After years of yapping, she ended up becoming a fan too. To the point of looking up bts content on her own. I remember her being shocked about shipping culture when she first found out. Good times. I still yap to her about bts all the time, only difference is she actually knows what I'm talking about now. She is nowhere near as deep as I am though. I have consumed most of their content already, it's kinda hard for her to catch up to me anytime soon.

[femme-foucault]

I am not angry at that student in the last post btw, but he does actually have the honor of being the one student who did get under my skin for a few seconds....and then actually now it's pretty funny because of what happened next.

I preface I would not go into teaching if I did not genuinely like and respect myself. Even the girl who I probably should have started marking absent because she was being too cruel to other students and I should have just not tried to Make Everyone Get On Well I don't hate or even dislike, just kick myself for not handling it better because I was less authoritative. I don't even dislike this kid it's just maybe one of the weirdest and not-funny-but-kinda funny student evals I have ever had. There is a lottttt of context leading up to it but in the sake of anonymity, I am omitting it all. I'll just say no I don't think he was neurodirvergent, definitely had energy to have an internship in another which was fine it was a remote class and I don't blame him for being psyched about it even if he went without a mask in a public airport but this was a bit of a doozy.

First of all, I think this is the only student I have ever met who passed a class in a subject that, by the way, is MANDATORY for ALL students in this university to pass. You can test out of the lower level one but not this one. Not this subject in particular, but one with an extensive writing component. It's a writing intensive class. That is why it is called a writing intensive class. Hey look, I hated algebra but I didn't take it out on my algebra teacher. I'm kinda used to some students just not seeing why they need to take the course and don't take it personally though actually contrary to what you'd think, the pre-med kids, the engineers, computer science people...yeah I may be a tech person but I don't go too much into that in an intro class and we had all majors. So I get not wanting to take a core class but I don't....think he actually ever truly understood what an argument was vs an opinion. That was day 1. And no, he was not stupid. I think it had to be deliberate.

He accused me falsely of showing up to class drunk. I was sober at the time bc I was on some new meds that I didn't mix with alcohol and I would never do that anyway. He also admitted "I have no proof."Now, I definitely showed up to class TIRED and drinking a lot of coffee and not wearing make up. But sure, someone who looks like a woman doesn't wear make up

HOWEVER I found out from three other instructors all of THEM were also falsely accused for the same thing so I guess that's just the thing they think they can say? Finding out students falsely accuse professors of being under the influence to Report to the Manager is sad...was that the thing they did on Reddit?

....but the punchline is, someone I know this happened to....is a devout Mormon. Lol.

He said that I was discriminating against him for trying to use Joe Rogan as a peer-reviewed source. I know you skipped half the classes because you were in LA or something (not depression or anything). But we literally went over this. I actually meet with my students in office hours one on one several times a semester to talk with them about the project of that semester's unit and talk about revising it for the larger essay, which is longer and is graded more strictly. And if you didn't turn in the smaller essay, well you might lose some points off your overall grade, but I encourage them to come in anyway even if it's a rough draft so we can brainstorm together and come up with an outline and I can give suggestions and most of them take me up on it. It is so labor-intensive, and I did it four times this class, not three. Again -- it was NOT a depressive issue and he was pretty clear about that.

The one thing this kid said that I admit got on my nerves is he felt I was not giving him a good grade because I politically disagreed with him. Actually aside from liking Joe Rogan I don't even remember him talking about politics, I think he just jumped to assumptions bc queer trans and assigned Ta-Nehisi Coates and Trish Roberts-Miller and Umberto Eco. But the reason that annoyed me is actually I have gotten along very well with conservative students. I am not kidding. It's different than with adults because 1) you are in a position of power over them as an instructor you should not abuse unless they threaten you in some way 2) many students who come to college conservatives begin to ask questions about the world around them in new and interesting ways. You cannot make anyone change, but shutting them down when you are in a unique position of authority is not productive either. Besides, I would never abuse my position as a teacher to arbitrarily down grade someone who met all the assignment parameters. I guess if you don't see how I give feedback and a lot of feedback for revision behind closed doors you wouldn't know that but that did actually get on my nerves. Not because I care about what a guy who I think genuinely does not understand the concept of an argument (in a rhetorical sense) despite ostensibly taking a course about them for reasons that I really don't think are related to intelligence (he was having some internship or something and that's fine, I had part time jobs, a lot of my students' do, so it wasn't that or stress). It annoys me when people won't take responsibility for their own actions and assume if they aren't succeeding at something that it HAS to be someone else Out to Get Him.

So yes, a student did actually get under my skin for a minute but not because I care what he thinks about me or thought anyone would take that seriously, but even though no one would believe that for a number of reasons (there was a LOT of other awful shit in that eval....and I haven't gotten to the punchline yet)....it was more about just not really having much patience for that kinda thin-skinnedness and paranoia. There is a bigotry level I suspect too, but who knows? Then I realized that's a teaching lesson that you just can't care about That One Student when you got tons of emails thanking you for the class.

The punchline, however, and the reason I knew that I was okay when he complained that it was "impossible" to pass this class and I was "making it hard on purpose" (Yes, because I have a chance to share the subject I love and find important to a young audience and therefore I am going to....not do that? Look I know some teachers don't care about teaching but I do. I want you to get something useful...). That "no one likes it and is doing well in it" which I assume he said bc he knew I knew they had a GroupChat. It was very deliberately "ooooh I am bringing up we all hate the professor in the group chat?"

Which didn't work because....

I know that is not true bc while I don't read their GroupChat I did have a good relationship with most of the students in that class. I do feel like it was a depressing course to teach online but it's COVID so we were limited but I always find more balanced feedback from students who fall in between the extremes to be most useful and they don't fill evals out :(

"No one likes it because no one is doing well and it's too hard" doesn't hold up even on paper because....

....I gave out more A's in that class than I ever have before or since. I have a few theories why. It was NOT because I did a curve. I don't believe in curves UNLESS I think I made a mistake or something too hard and that's only happened twice (and once I guess was more COVID's fault than mine but still). I didn't need to. They all knocked it out of the park. It was a AWFUL semester bc of COVID. So much suffering and pain and yeah I know it wasn't fun to learn an interactive thing online so I actually understand the mixed reviews. But yeah, if you are going to accuse someone of making it hard on purpose and then high school "the group chat hates you because it's too hard" and I KNOW that is not the case than Reddit needs to come up with a different thing to say to a teacher you don't like.

Now how do I explain that without sounding...like this

[boba-beom]

it's honestly so great, i really missed being here. home. with the people i love. i spent most of my life here and sometimes, i really miss it and i wish i could've been able to stay here for uni as well. that happens when you live abroad i guess, you long for your home, for your people, for your language, for your culture and your food.

omg you had your birthday?? belated happy birthday 🥺 i hope you had an amazing time with the people you love❤️ i haven't known you for that long, but i really enjoy talking to you and seeing your posts on my notifs. you always manage to bring a smile on my face c:

LMAO NOT THE "you're getting older" message pls😭 i don't know much about the whole situation, but he seems confusing? is he being friendly or is this going to become some sort of casual thing between the two of you? idk if you've ever watched friends, but there's this submarine guy phoebe went out with at some point and basically he resurfaced every 2 years and they had the most amazing time together. so it could be something like thaaaat? or it could be just him being friendly. guys are so confusing honestly😭

ah, i swear, rediscovering things is a whole new experience and i'm sure you'll enjoy it as if it's the first time. i just love it when muscle memory kicks in, cause it feels like "wow i can't believe i remember this" and also "damn it, i AM good" LOL. what type of guitar do you usually play though? classical, acoustic or electric?

ahh, you're welcome. honestly at this point i'm convinced that you could write about a trashbag and i still would like it, because your writing is that good. it captivates you in its own way and i enjoy seeing all these scenarios i've never thought of or seen before on here (• ♡ •)

that sounds like a good idea. i hope everything goes well with your coursework and you get a good grade. you got this!!❤️

when it comes to university, i start my next semester in april and my timetable is such a mess, i'm really not looking forward to the next semester in a way lol. but on the other hand, i'm super excited for some of the lectures and seminars i'll be attending. we're finally taking two clinical psychology lectures and this one seminar about mental disorders. the clinical part has always been my main interest ever since i started my bachelor's, so i'm excited to finally dive in deeper. oh, that reminds me. what are you studying if you don't mind me asking?

that's so true smiles, thank you🥺❤️ i'll definitely tag you once it's out, thank you for being so supportive❤️❤️

ohh the uni trip sounds so exciting, i hope you had a good time!! and it sounds like you've had a very productive couple of days!! hope you're also resting and taking care of yourself <3 pls that post made me so soft, it was so well written and i just loved the moments between mc and beomgyu🥺 really showcased how well they matched each-other, almost fitting perfectly into one-another like two puzzle pieces. i also use bullet points to write sometimes haha they really do help with planning/brainstorming and then also connecting everything into one once you're done.

i've been pretty well tbh, just eating a lot and having a good time with my friends and family hehe. i can't believe i go home in three days though, these past few days really felt like a fever dream.

of course being in the comfort of your own home is the best over anything, but I'm really happy you got to spend time with your loved ones <3

this was longer than I expected lmao

and thank you! yes, it was only a small celebration since I had quite a loud one last year. plus I only stayed home for 3 days since I had uni a couple of days after my birthday.

it's funny actually, yesterday he went to my home city for an interview and he was there for two nights, but last night was his last night in the city and I was added to a group call with him and our bsf. my bsf left the call around 2am but he and I kept talking until 6am :') and he had a train to catch at 10am... it was nice, I feel like I did genuinely get to know him a little more without having our bsf there to prompt us to talk. but I feel like I enjoy talking to him, but I think I'm going to leave it at just friends... for now since that's all what it feels like at the minute :>

that's so true! and I have an electro-acoustic guitar!! I do want an electric guitar at some point though, or even a bass too. are there any other instruments you want to learn or have played in the past?

and pls, you're too sweet :') I do have the tendency to use flowery terms and what not, I can't help it though hehe but thank you so so much for always being so interested and I love hearing your feedback because I always wanna know what goes on through someone's mind or their thoughts about anything of mine that they've read.

but thank you! I've been progressing well, but I do need to make timetable or a schedule for things I need to do, slowly but surely I will be okay!

I hope your next semester won't be too hard on you! omg my sister does psychology too and clinical is something she's wanting to do :> I do interior architecture and design! I'm loving it, truly, but it's just the fact the deadline's coming closer is something that makes me anxious about my work is all.

I had a long rest over the weekend and I've been back on the grind since monday so I've been keeping on track with what I've been wanting to do! and yes, that piece was written a little differently than what I usually do but, again, thank you for liking it so much! I'm happy my imagination was envisioned well to you<3 and for writing, everyone has their own ways, as long as you enjoy the process then go for it!

I hope you have/had a save flight, my love! as always, there will be more times when you can come back home and spend time with them again! it's just something you can look forward to next time, yano? rest up and I hope you have good days ahead of you 💕

[hopeswriting]

i was recently thinking about fanon harmonization and how maybe it could be healthier?

don’t get me wrong i personally love fanon harmonization, it’s straight up my favorite part of the khr fanlore. makes for great angst and whatnot, but yeah, like i said it isn’t the healthiest take around.

(not that it has to be of course, if that’s what you want to go with.)

i was thinking it’d be fun to “redesign” it if only for the fun of the exercise alone, from “something so codependent you literally feel physical pain whithout it and also are scarred forever and you can never heal from it” (that’s my experience of fanon harmony anyway?) to,,,Not That lol.

do you guys maybe go with another form of harmony that isn’t canon or fanon? because i’d love to hear about it!

[chelleztjs18]

Vision (E.O)

Elizabeth Olsen x Fem!Reader

Sumarry: Both of you and Lizzie find a little sweet treat moment while grocery shopping.

Warning: None. A late Halloween late fluff fic from my Halloween event.

Requested: Yes by @xxxtwilightaxelxxx . I hope you like it! :D

A/n: Hello! Here's the second to last of my Halloween fics. I just finished writing this literally few minutes ago. lol. Thank you @honey-sweet-hiraeth for helping me brainstorming and share an idea i can put in this fic. :) Happy reading! Reblog and comments are highly appreciated.

Halloween Masterlist | Main Masterlist

“Okay babe, so we got the bread, anchovies, avocado, your favorite chocolate milk and all of the ingredients for our dinner tonight.” Your wife of three years mumbles as she checks the inside of the cart while reading the shopping list at the same time.

“I love how fresh the fruits and the meat this store has.” the blonde comments with a smile, her green eyes look at yours.

“See…I told you, Elizabeth. This store has better produce than the one you used to go to before we met.” Your smile and tone has obvious pride in it. She laughs a little right after that. “Y/n, honey, the other store has as good produce as the one in here. We started going to this one because it sells your favorite chocolate milk and cheese.” She jokingly shakes her head as she walks with you while you push the cart.

“Oh, let’s go to the candy aisle at the end. I want to get some just in case trick or treat-ers come to our house.” Lizzie points to the aisle.

“Ouh yess candy! Let’s go!” You respond excitedly.

Lizzie looks around as soon as both of you get to the candy aisle and grabs a few different bags of candy and chocolate. You put a bag of dark chocolates into the cart. Before Lizzie gets her chance to say that she is done and it's time to leave, something caught your attention and you exclaimed “Ouh babe, look! They have some Halloween stuff too. Look at those decorations they sell!”

"Oh yeah. They have pretty good stuff here." The blonde shows her agreement with you.

“Wow, out of all the Halloween themes and myths they can pick, they still don’t have werewolves stuff. Werewolves are so underrated!” Disappointment is written all over your face right after you can’t find anything werewolves related among the things.

“Aaawww, my poor puppy. Don’t be upset.” the Scarlet Witch cast teases you. A soft pat on your head from her then she gives a peck of kiss on your cheek. Surely, a blush magically appears on your face. You smile. “Well, I guess, I can’t be upset when you call me that and get a kiss too.” she winks and giggles at your comment.

“Oh, there’s some costume too, y/n. Oh, they have a kid's werewolf costume.” She excitedly shows it to you. “Oh! Yay, something werewolf! Oh, Liz! Look what I found!” You take your turn showing what you have found.

“It's a Scarlet Witch costume for little girls! Aaawwww!” Pride wraps your tone while holding the costume.

“Oh my gosh! That actually looks so cute! I remember the first time I tried on my real Scarlet Witch costume, it was a little tight and they put wires around me for the flying scenes. It was fun.” a titter jumps out of her lips while her mind recalls the funny memories.

“Oh yeah, I remembered the first time I saw you on set with that suit. You look insanely stunning in it” You wiggle your eyebrows with a teasing smirk and she playfully rolls her eyes.

“I remember that day, when I walked past you wearing the suit you tripped on a cord on the set after you were done doing Paul’s makeup.” Both of you laughed together from the quick trip on the memory lane.

You and Lizzie observe a little more until you see something interesting. "Look at these mason jars mug, darling! Witch's brew!" You try to say the last two words in a scary horror way followed by a fake witch laugh. She laughs at your antics, she always adores your silliness.

“Oh yeah, those are cool. Maybe we can use this for your apple martinis or absinthe cocktails. Isn’t witch’s brews always green in color?” Lizzie proposes her idea.

“Oh yeah, we’ll take this. Wanda should use this as her cup.” You joke and it easily gains another laughter from your wife.

“I know right. I’m gonna take a picture of this and send it to Aubrey since she is turning into a witch soon in Marvel with Kathryn.” a giggle slips out between her words as she smiles while she takes a picture of the said mug.

“Ssshh, Elizabeth! People might hear what you just said.” You remind her to be more careful about the confidential content in a whisper. “Oops, oh yeah. Sorry..sorry.” she apologizes in whispers as her right hand moves as if she is zipping her lips to keep the secret in her.

Then both of you hear a little voice from behind you. “Excuse me, Wanda? Is that you?”

Lizzie quickly turned around, so did you and found a cute little girl wearing the same exact Scarlet Witch costume. The little red haired girl is looking at your wife with such admiration. Her green eyes sparkle in excitement.

“Uh oh. Liz, do you think she heard what you said about Aubrey?” You ask in a whisper to her. “Babe, she’s just a kid. She probably doesn’t understand what we were talking about even if she heard it.” She answers you shortly before she greets the little girl.

“Oh hello, sweetheart. Yes, I am Wanda. You look exactly like me.” Lizzie’s warm and welcoming smile appears across her face. Soon after, the exhilarated girl’s mother comes. “Emily, there you are! Why did you run like that? I’m sor– Oh my god! Ms. Olsen! My daughters and I are fans of yours. She bought her costume here and she wanted to wear it early.” The mom was talking to the mini version of Wanda until she realized who her daughter was talking to and instantly got as excited as her daughter while explaining..

“Oh no. She’s fine. Don’t worry about it. She’s really cute. Also thank you so much.” Without any doubt Lizzie gives the brunette mom the reassurance she thinks that she needs as she crouches to the little girl’s eye level. You were going to do the same she did but you falter your move and stand there awkwardly instead when she asked your wife “Who is she? Where is Vision, Wanda?”

Lizzie and the little girl turn their heads together and look at you. “Her? Well, let me tell you, sweetie. So the world you see in the comic or movie is a different world than ours. In this world we live in, she is my Vision. She loves me as much as the other Vision loves Wanda and I love her too.” Her soft voice warmly explains and her hand rubs the girl’s arm gently.

“So she is Vision even though she looks different? Why she doesn’t look like a superhero? Where is the yellow stone?” Emily asks innocently.

Lizzie instantly laughs a little because of the cute row of questions. “Oh yeah she is. I know she looks different than the other Vision. Right now, she doesn’t look like a superhero because we are on a secret mission now and nobody can see us in our superhero suits but we can show you the yellow stone if you want.” Patience fills Lizzie’s answer and she starts to whisper a little saying the last sentence as if it’s a real secret. As usual, you take her answer as your cue to join in.

“Hello, sweetheart. My name is Y/n. I’m Wanda’s Vision here. I heard that you want to see the secret mind stone?” You ask excitedly in whispers and pretend to carefully look around.

The second after Emily nods in agreement followed by a whispered "yes, please." You pulled out a necklace with the mind stone replica diamond charm that was under your shirt.

"Whoaaaa! So cool! Mommy! Look! It's the yellow stone!" Emily's eyes fill with amazement as she looks at it and she soon forgets to keep it as a secret.

Her mom watches everything in awe and decides to play along and reminds her daughter "Ssst…Emily, they said it's a secret, remember?" She puts her index finger in front of her lips.

"Oh yes, I'm sorry, Wanda." Emily acknowledges her mistake.

"Aw, it's okay Emily. Do you want to know another secret?" You offer another secret to share with her and of course she nods one more time and this time with a bigger smile.

Lizzie knows what she has to say next. "Y/n and I share the stone together. We have the same necklace. So we will always remember each other." Just like you did, she pulls out her necklace and shows it to Emily.

Without missing a beat, she admires Lizzie's necklace as well.

This is not the first time both of you have to handle cute innocent Marvel little fans who ask these adorable questions. Since the first time a situation like this happened, you and Lizzie decided to have matching necklaces with the yellow diamond charm and always use this trick whenever some kids or family’s / friend’s children come up to both of you.

“Wow, Emily! That is so cool! Don’t forget to say thank you to Wanda and Y/n. We need to go, baby and I’m sure that they need to continue their secret mission too.” The lady walks closer to her daughter and initiates the idea to give your privacy back.

“Thank you Wanda! Thank you Y/n! One day, I will be a superhero like you.” Emily exclaims with confidence.

Warmth spreads in Lizzie’s heart, her eyes twinkle with joy while she responds to the girl’s gratitude. “You are welcomed, sweetie. Y/n and I will go back to our mission, to make sure there are enough fresh fruit and veggies for all the kids in the world including you.” She gently taps the tip of Emily’s nose and giggles together with her.

“Yes, kiddo. Don’t forget to eat your greens so you will be a superhero like us, someday.” You added.

“Come here, Emily. Let’s have a group hug.” invites Lizzie. The three of you quickly bundle up in the tightest hug a happy little hug a kid can give. WIth that, you and Lizzie spend a little more time talking with Emily’s mom then the four of you take a picture together.

Right away after you gain your privacy back with your wife and as you walk back to your car then put the groceries in. You look at her. You fall in love with her all over again. A thought came out of nowhere. It instantly draws a smile while you get inside the car.

“Babe, why did you look at me like that?” Her interest lures the question out of her.

“Oh nothing. You looked so adorable when you were interacting with Emily. She was so cute. You always love kids, so do I. We’ve been married for three years so I’m think—”

She gasps and her hand rapidly grabs yours in such elation. “Oh my god. Y/n, honey, are you thinking what I’m thinking?!”

All you can do right now is smile and that was more than words to answer her question. Her eyes glisten, she smiles from ear to ear and pulls you into a hug. Excitement raced through both of you.

You felt drunk with happiness because of a vision and a future you have planned with her.

A/n: Welp, that's it for today! Let me know what you think. See you in next!

Cheerio!

Taglist: @madamevirgo @musicinourlips @unstable-sapphic-hoe @fanboy7794 @chloe7076 @b0mbdotc0m @trikruismybitch @ichala @californianwhiterabbit @honey-sweet-hiraeth @imfuckinggenius @sxfwap @chaekhan @daenerys713 @luvmcgrath @stupidsapphicsstuff @pattypavo @frvny @franfineashell @heyyoweveryone @ygtft-chen @yaaskasey @sweeet-likeeee-cinnamonn @paumxmff @dopeyouth @beaniejennie @ineedafinghug @idkwhatimwriting @lucydiibi @mainly-rebloging-fics-i-like @gloriousfoxruins @grxvitye @mcubreakdown101 @aos22 @wandanatstan @paulawand @yeeterthekeeper @femalehomosexual666 @snowdrop1026 @modernmonalisa @nothingisrealanyway @idamaemann @sweeterlust @royalityofmultifandom @playboysaleen @peabrain112 @gwhaley127 @harleyswanda @bodhi-j @darth-rain @cristin-rjd , 

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

Hi! What is your very specific Twilight AU?

okay, so. New Moon.

party disaster, dumping her and dipping, all happens normally.

but THEN. Bella finds out she’s pregnant.

(and I know you’re thinking- pre-marital sex?!?! Edward would NEVER! but listen. I am the author now. I’ve been around Christians my whole life. shut up!)

so anyway after a million pregnancy tests and a lot of googling about vampire baby legends, Bella’s like...well this is probably gonna be a situation,

Nessie doesn’t have an insane growth rate here because I hate that, so she has a normal amount of time to prepare, and she’s very...aware that the birth is gonna be Rough at best. So she goes to Jacob

who is NOT a wolf yet but Is aware of the pack and the treaty, and they are closer friends already, and she’s like ‘hey. paranormal emergency. you’re the only person in this town who enables me. help.’

 and Jacob’s like I’m Fucking Fifteen and goes and gets Leah, since she’s technically an adult and a girl

(ms. meyer How did you make one of leah’s only 3 character traits ‘upset she’s infertile’ and then not have her support bella’s choices in breaking dawn please make it make sense)

 so they start brainstorming solutions and the best they can work with is. Bella’s gotta ride out the pregnancy in hiding. they have no way of knowing whether she can survive the pregnancy and the only clue they have about whether the baby will be a monster or not is from google searches, but they also can’t exactly take her to an obgyn when her uterus feels like it’s calcified and her ribs are getting broken and she seems to be craving blood

So, Leah’s got her own little place. Bella moves in there, telling Charlie she wants to move back in with Renee (she knows her parents would never willingly call each other so as long as she keeps up communicating with both of them they should be none the wiser of her growing a little dracula in Leah Clearwater’s basement).

Leah has already defected from the wolf pack at this point (because...the Cullen’s left and she didn’t really like any of the guys anyway lmao) so they don’t run the risk of them hearing her thoughts while she’s in wolf form. She goes out and hunts animals, brings them back and her and Jake drain the blood from them so Bella can drink it. All three of them find this extremely disgusting obviously but Jake’s loyal and a little bit lovestruck, Leah’s a supportive friend and queen, and Bella’s just trying to keep her and her baby alive, and none of them feel like trying to rob a blood bank

Bella is 100% certain the baby will just be a baby who happens to like blood, like she was in bd, but the tentative plan is that if a crazy soulless monster comes out of her Leah will...handle that...

Which neither are thrilled about, so Bella’s just trying to focus on staying positive. And between that, trying to survive and stay hidden, Bella doesn’t really have time to...Check Out the way she did in new moon. Like, she’s absolutely still depressed, and she’s still getting an occasional Edward hallucination because carrying a vampire baby counts as reckless in many books, but she’s just more...resigned and pissed than anything. She’ll have days like the ‘possibilities’ scene, but more often than not she’s just telling the Edward hallucination to go fuck himself when he’s begging her to find the real him so they can have Carlisle deal with the pregnancy 

at some point, Seth gets roped into the whole mess (he’s prone to just breaking into his sister’s house) but since he’s like, 13 and The Best Baby Boy he’s immediately supportive. He didn’t even fucking know about the wolves and the vampires until he walked in on a six months pregnant Bella drinking blood while his sister and Jacob are hacking away at a dead deer, but he’s like...you know when you were 13 and sneaking around about Anything made you feel like the coolest person alive? point is he’s helpful

AND he can get away with spending a lot of time at Leah’s house without anyone finding it weird, unlike Jacob, so he starts spending most of his free time there keeping Bella company and brightening her day up

HE is the one who enables her when she comes up with the name Renesmee lmao

(just because she hates Edward doesn’t mean Esme ever did anything wrong!)

“bella I’ll throw you out of this house if you don’t come up with a real name” “leah she’s white you can’t just disrespect her culture like this omg”

anyway these four become the DORKIEST and WEIRDEST little family it’s cute

so then. labor.

it’s less...graphic than in bd because Bella hasn’t been actively dying the whole pregnancy and she doesn’t snap her spine in half, but it’s still. bad.

she essentially delivers a rock that Nessie then begins chewing her way out of. she’s actively bleeding out. Jacob’s having a panic attack. Leah made Seth watch so he would never have unprotected sex and the scare tactic is working. Leah’s covered in Bella’s blood which is not great considering she’s Holding A Rock That A Vampire Is Emerging From

Leah’s been taking classes and researching deliveries so she needs to stitch Bella up and see what else is wrong but Seth is rocking back and forth on the floor crying and Jacob’s screaming and pacing too fast to grab so she’s like. Bella babe I know you’re dying but you need to hold this thing for me ksjdfllksf

so while she’s handling That, Bella’s got this weird little rock in her arms and is watching the baby slowly fight it’s way out like this is a very fucked up egg or something and she’s just. overwhelmed. maybe it’s the blood loss but she’s looking at the messy, scrunchy little face and she’s already in love and envisioning their lives together.

and then, you know, the baby bites her,

she has just enough time to think ‘how did we not think to prepare for that’ before she can feel the venom coursing through her. it’s just as bad as she remembers from James’ bite but somehow...easier to tolerate. she blacks out pretty quickly

the other 3 notice and are like : 👁👄👁

Jacob...literally explodes into a wolf On Spot

Seth darts out the fucking door he’s seen enough for one day

Leah, sole holder of the braincell, realizes Nessie just bit and isn’t drinking from Bella, and deduces this is like...a survival instinct or something. the baby instinctively changes it’s mother first thing. weirdly...touching? 

So she gets the baby and checks that everything is physically okay with Bella (apart from you know. changing species) and is like...guess this is an issue for 3 days from now Leah

more immediate pressing issues: screaming new born baby and oh, yeah, the giant red wolf in the basement,

“Jacob I know this is disorienting but if you break anything in my house I’ll fucking kill you”

she really just leaves the poor boy to go get the baby cleaned up and warm up some of the frozen blood they’ve got in her fridge (RUINING HER TUPPERWARE, BELLA)

she’s not worried about the wolf pack mind meld yet because she knows Sam took the guys on a mission way farther up the coast for a few days and they’ll be too far away to hear Jake. hopefully, by the time they get back, Bella will be awake and they’ll have made an escape plan by then

and as she’s bottle feeding blood to the baby she’s thrilled that it seems to be like...relatively normal and not s horrific monster or anything. mission: unwillingly murder my best friend’s baby has been successfully canceled 

“Oh Goddamn it....Renesmee DOES fit you...”

Seth, from where he’s cowering behind the couch: “told you”

so, Jake eventually calms down, they spend the next few days cooing over Nessie and brainstorming how to handle Bella when she wakes up a vampire, and also nicknaming Nessie ‘Nessie’ because they know Bella will find that intolerable and they feel she deserves karmic punishment for stressing them out so much lmao

so, three days are up. Seth’s upstairs putting on a way-too-elaborate puppet show for the baby with not a care in the world. Leah and Jake are in the basement because they know Bella probably won’t want their wolf blood and their ready to phase in case she gets a little aggressive

but she just wakes up and is like. hey! how’s it going? where’s my baby?

sjdhfksdj they were expecting feral but Bella still has her super self-control. she didn’t even realize she’d changed into a vampire until they told her lmao

Bella’s a little too freaked out to try hunting yet so they give her some of the stored blood they’ve been feeding Ness and she’s like. good to go. Leah’s about to scream like have the elders been exaggerating this whole time or is Bella truly a freak??? lol

So, they spend a couple days just...relaxing, Bella and Renesmee bonding, they’re trying to come up with fun places Bella can move to with the baby so no one she knows finds out, and every now and then Leah and Jake go out and she tries to help him get the wolf thing under control

and then,,,,the pack get back from their mission early

and immediately are able to read Jacob’s mind

so they head over to Start Shit because there’s two bloodsuckers on their land but,

the pack not attacking because Jake imprinted on Renesmee? tired. the pack not attacking because Jake’s Alpha Genes have taken over and declared Nessie and Bella as part of his Pack and attacking would literally start a war? inspired

so they hash the whole thing out....ultimately Sam decides Bella is more of a victim than a threat, and since neither her or Nessie seem to be going on a bloodlust rampage any time soon...he decides to grant them immunity from the whole ‘kill the vampires’ rule. He’ll let her and her daughter stay in La Push as long as they agree to stick to animals and only hunt out of town. PLUS from what little Bella knows about the Volturi, she’s worried about them finding out about Nessie, so they’ll offer protection if that does happen, in exchange for her being able to help them with intel on any other vampire threats in the area (you know like. if a nomad is fucking stuff up in a nearby city, they’ll send her to talk to them first before deciding if they need to intervene. Sam has become acutely aware he has a lot of teens and kids in his pack, so he’s trying to keep them out of fights as much as possible)  

anyway that’s the story of Nessie gaining like 17 chaotic as hell ride or die uncles,

let’s fast forward a bit

it’s like 15 years later. Bella’s not living with Leah anymore, but she’s got a cute apartment in a nearby town, and owns and runs a bookstore on the first floor of it. she got her ged and did college online and teaches night classes at a community college. She’s still in contact with her parents, who Adore the life out of Nessie. She still helps the pack out and they’re all close. Nessie is a handful but in a fun and lovable way. They go on little weekend trips whenever they have time. Bella’s happy.

but then a. Situation. arises.

basically, the Volturi have been made aware of some unknown vampire chasing others out of the pacific northwest and conspiring with shapeshifters. and you know when Aro gets curious he tends to spin things dramatically. who’s to say this vampire isn’t conspiring against all vampires? against them? why has no one’s special talents worked on her? he simply must find out.

Bella and the Pack get word and decide their best course of action for now is to go on the run. they’re not gonna be able to take on a whole army but if they can bide some time and lay low they might be able to figure something out

except Bella is like....I have a teenage hybrid that the Volturi don’t know about yet...it would be EXTREMELY irresponsible to take her with me

but she can’t send Nessie to Charlie or Renee because they don’t know about her...dietary restrictions. She can’t stay with Billy or anyone else in La Push because the Volturi might trace the pack’s scent there and discover her. She’s panicking, they have to leave in a few days max and she can’t find a safe place for her daughter

and then she’s like.....fuck.

she had run into Jasper a couple of years ago- they have the same forgery guy and were heading to his building around the same time as a coincidence. She promised to forgive him for the party incident if he promised not to tell Edward he saw her and that she’s a vampire now. He agreed, but then told her Edward’s been living on his own for a while now and insisted on giving her his number...she never could bring herself to call it or delete it...but now...if she wants to be 100% Nessie is safe and protected...

fuck

So, the past 15 years have been fairly rough for Edward

he’s still convinced leaving in order to save Bella was the best course of action, but like...the vampires canonically mate for life. that’s his soulmate. he’s absolutely miserable without her. he’s thought about cracking and going to find her again but he always talks himself out of it, convinced she’d just tell him she hates him or something

so as stated in his patented Edward Cullen Self Loathing Guide, first thing to do is isolate yourself from all the lovebirds you usually live with. Sure, he keeps in contact, but...not well. he’s currently living alone and posing as a university student. He’s not even really sure what he’s supposed to be majoring in. He’s mostly been in a haze since he left Forks.

and one day....he gets a call from an unknown number. he ignores it, thinking it’s a spam call. but then it calls like 8 more times in a row and he figures answering might be a bit smarter than simply throwing it at the wall

And Edward...swears he came back to life and immediately had a heart attack the second he hears Bella’s voice

He feels breathless and disoriented the whole conversation, trying to figure out if his memory did her voice any justice, trying to rush out 15 years worth of apologies, trying to comprehend she’s actually speaking to him.

But Bella’s very blunt on the phone. She doesn’t want to let herself get emotional. She’s on a time limit, and she has to focus on getting her daughter to safety

And Edward swears he somehow misheard her the first ten or so times she told him. He had a daughter? that wasn’t possible

“she has the audacity to be your Evil Twin so I’m pretty sure it’s possible”

so she gives him a rundown. she needs to go into hiding, no I don’t need your help with that, gives him details about Nessie, what she’s like, what she likes to do, her diet, her favorite color, how annoyed she is by this whole situation, “Edward I know you don’t love me anymore, but I remember how protective you were, and that’s what I need Nessie to have right now. She needs you right now” and Edward wants so badly to refute Bella’s claim of lost love, to tell her he has absolutely no idea how to be a parent, but...her tone is aching so much he can barely speak. He can’t let Bella down again, and he can’t let this little girl he foolishly created and left down anymore than he already has, either.

So he agrees, she tells him to be at the airport in a few days, and hangs up. 

Edward loses about half a day staring at a wall in shock, before he jumps into preparations.

Bella told him while their daughter possessed some speed and strength, hunting was fairly dangerous for her. She was more delicate than his kind, and had a heartbeat. Reheated blood bags had been their best option, and she also needed human food as well. He also had to get a room ready for her- he wandered around stores for hours, reading young girls minds to see if there was any furniture or decorations that were universally liked- which was of course, fruitless, but he did manage to find a handful of things he was sure Bella would have liked at that age, and prayed for the best. He somehow got himself covered in purple paint that was a nightmare to get off. Bella had sent him some forged documents claiming Nessie was his younger sister he’d won custody of, and he got her enrolled in a nearby school. He lived every day leading up to her arrival staving off a panic attack.

it wasn’t until he was on the way to the airport that he realized he forgot to inform his family about this life update. they must’ve been on a hunting trip, because he got nothing but voicemails 

imagine being Carlisle and you come home to a voicemail from your son who’s banished himself from the family that’s just like ‘hi. you’re a grandfather now. I’m having a nervous breakdown and might crash my car. call me back at your earliest convenience I suppose” like what would you DO

 after he gets to the airport he starts panicking again, realizing Bella had never actually sent him a picture, worrying about how he’d find her, but then- he sees a tiny girl with untamed, dark red curls, features strikingly similar to his own that are pulled into the expression Bella always made when she was reading, absently chewing on her lip, and before she looks at him with her mother’s big brown eyes, he already knows who he’s looking at, and he’s certain if he was human his tear ducts would be having a fit right now

Renesmee, however, seems less willing to have an emotional meeting. She mumbles out a simple greeting before gathering up her bags and heading for the door, Edward rushing behind her to try and help

listen. the awkwardness of Charlie trying to connect with Bella. but 10000x worse because of Edward’s overthinking, self-deprecating ass and Nessie being like ‘ah yes the guy who broke my pregnant teenage mothers heart, fantastic’ lmao

the car ride is p a i n f u l. Edward’s trying so hard for light conversation and Nessie’s barely giving one word answers. Bella had warned her about the mind reading so she was carefully keeping her mind blocked, which Edward is trying very hard to be understanding about instead of annoyed, but By God does he want to know everything about her

when they get back to his place, she quietly thanks him for the room and then promptly locks him out of it lol. He spends the rest of the day just pacing back and forth until he realizes he should eventually feed her lmao

and that’s...kinda how the first couple weeks go. she only emerges from her room if he bribes her with food, she awkwardly tries to dodge his questions, he drives her to school and then begs her to tell him how it went when he picks her up, he spends his college classes distracted because he’s freaking out constantly about how to successfully bond with her. His favorite time of day now is night, because she can’t block her mind while she’s asleep, and even if her dreams are all nonsense they’re still...part of her that he gets to know.

His family keeps begging him to let them meet her, but he’s pushing back because if she’s this bad at adjusting to one new family member, how is she going to handle six more?

(meanwhile Alice and Rose started a group chat with her and are having a ball clowning Edward lmao)

wait ksjflksd I think this vine perfectly sums up the dynamic im envisioning  https://youtu.be/wQZIUHNORHg

anyway they....very slowly make some progress. much too slowly for Edward’s taste, but hey.

Like he finds out snacks she likes. or jewelry she likes. stuff like that and just...wordlessly leaves it around for her lmao. he thinks it’s like trying not to startle a deer, Nessie thinks it’s more like a cat trying to gift you a dead mouse, but either way it’s weirdly endearing.

He notices she always has a huffy little frown when he picks her up on Wednesdays. So instead of begging her for an ounce of information of her school life, he asks her one Wednesday morning if she’s excited for the day and she admits she has an elective class every Wednesday with a girl she doesn’t get along with.

He gets her school photos (and Weeps) and realizes apart from her room the home is fairly barren of decorations, so he buys a bunch of picture frames and hangs up the school shots, and some pictures of the Cullen’s over the years, and the few he has of Bella that he could never bear to part with. Other than catching her smiling at the prom picture of her parents, Nessie doesn’t say anything- but the next time he comes home from hunting, there’s a pile of pictures of her growing up on the table, and he starts weeping all over again as he hangs them up

(there’s one of her and Bella hugging and looking at the camera with identical grins and joy in their eyes, he can’t help but put that in his room. He hopes one day he’ll get to see a scene like that in person)

He starts trying to get her out of her room a little more- he still hasn’t managed to a get a ‘favorites’ list out of her, so he starts playing movies Bella loved, to see if any of them lure her out. some do, some don’t- he got halfway through a Lord of the Rings marathon, which was Torture in his opinion, but then Ness came out and quietly asked if he could restart it and suddenly they became his favorite movies ever.

Bella’s not able to contact her on a set schedule or anything because of her situation (and you can bet your ass Edward’s contacted every vampire he knows and ordered them to help her out if they come across her or the Volturi), and Edward realizes that’s probably taking a toll on the girl, so he starts telling her stories of her mother when he knew her in Forks. She’s particularly amused by the blood typing incident- the first time Edward hears Nessie properly laugh, he literally starts crying on the spot

could you imagine the sheer panic if she ever gets so much as a cold

And yes, she’s still pissed on Bella’s behalf, and yes, she specifically blasts 70s music because Bella told her he hates it one time, and yes, if he looks at her like he’s a kicked puppy one more time she might claw his eyes out, and yes, she refuses to introduce him to her friends from school because she Knows everyone will then start asking her about her ‘hot brother’ and she can’t live with that and also can’t live with him knowing that so she told him if he ever introduces himself to any of her friends she’ll set him on fire, and yes, she’s homesick 95% of the time but...he’s growing on her. like a mold, or something.

(okay, maybe when Seth tried to analyze why Mamma Mia is her favorite musical, he might have had a point. half a point. quarter of a point. shut up.)

And Edward’s still trying to not have a panic attack every time she’s out of his sight- he’s got Carlisle keeping tabs on the Volturi for him, and it’s not exactly hard for him to keep track of her through other people’s minds- but she’s so tiny and her heartbeat is Too Fast and what if she inherited her mother’s unlucky streak??

but they’re toeing the line of co-existing peacefully and Edward’s scared to push it past that

then he has to, because it turns out he sent her to one of Those Schools where the parents have to be involved in the school in some way or another and Nessie’s Annoyed

sdkjfsdkjf she keeps trying to get him to just sign up for like pta meetings or something and he’s like ‘I need you to understand you are the only person in this town I actually know or like I Cannot survive around fundraiser moms I can’t’ 

so she’s like ugh fine I’m in the drama club

listen.....Stage Parent Edward Cullen.......the power this holds...

that’s right this whole post was an elaborate ruse for me to make a musical theater headcanon again lmao

no okay but seriously he starts off just helping build sets and stuff like that but then midway through the year their music teacher gets fired and the schools like begging him to take over because they can’t find someone in enough time that’ll know the music for the show they’re doing and he’s like “I need you to understand Nessie will never talk to me again if I start actually working at her school” and they’re like “She also will never talk to you again if we have to cancel the big musical, though” and he’s like. fuck.

silent treatment for a week and a half

lmao so now he’s trying to juggle being an overly-enthusiastic stage parent who’s making costumes and sets and kinda crying backstage when he sees his daughter in her costume with also being the music director for the damn show and trying to teach a bunch of kids how to read sheet music 

one day he ended up in a coffee shop with the hair and makeup moms, gossiping about the cast’s love lives, and he literally doesn’t know how he got there

is it wrong to pass Nessie in class even though she’s putting all the wrong answers on the test but he Knows she knows the right answers and is only answering wrong to try and get a rise out of him

Bella sneaks into town to see the show- they thought it would push their luck if the pack came, but they sent an ungodly amount of flowers and candy. When she snuck into the house while Ness was sleeping she Was Not expecting to find Edward up to his elbows in sequins, trying to fix a bedazzler he accidentally broke in frustration, muttering under his breath about how if Nessie’s romantic opposite in the show doesn’t keep his thoughts clean he’s gonna kill him- and it just cracks her up. She WAS nervous about seeing Edward again but now she’s assured he’s still a dork lol

So Edward freaks when he sees her but they don’t wanna wake Ness up so they’re trying to be quiet but like. they’re going through it 

Like Bella Wants to be pissed at him but she can’t, she still loves him- and while she can’t just get over what he did to her, it’s also not lost on her that ‘leaving to protect someone I love’ is literally what she had to do to her daughter

And Edward....Edward, who only left to give Bella a chance at a safe, human life, seeing Bella in front of him as a vampire, knowing it’s his fault she ended up that way and she had to go through it alone, had to raise a baby herself because he’d made it so hard to find him...knowing if he’d just pulled his head out of his ass he would have been able to be there for her...would be able to form a coherent sentence around his love right now, would have long and fond memories of Nessie’s childhood, likely wouldn’t have to watch Bella hide from the Volturi...he’s back in a self-loathing spiral already

But they haven’t seen each other in so long and they just don’t want to...deal with the unpleasantness right now, so they just push it aside. Bella helps Edward with the costumes. Edward fills her in on what she’s been missing with Nessie. Bella tells him some stuff about when Ness was younger. They just spend the night talking, and it feels like no time has past between them at all- which just makes the heartaches a little stronger

When Nessie wakes up to her mother there she’s ecstatic- bubbly and loud and glued to Bella’s hip all day, giving her in depth play-by-plays of her school and rehearsals and friends she’s made, bouncing on her toes all morning, hyper, giggly, and- it kind of breaks Edward’s heart a little, even though he knows he hasn’t really...earned this side of his daughter, yet. 

(at least he got his wish of seeing their twin smiles in person)

(he wishes he could see them every second of every day)

so the girls spend the day catching up while Edward mostly feels like a thirdwheel, and then they have to get Ness over to the school so she can get ready

Bella decides to hang out around the school theater before the show actually starts- she leans against the wall next to the piano, the two talking in hushed tones while Edward runs through songs. Bella really missed watching him play- the only thing that managed to drag her away from it was when Nessie called her to the dressing room to help with a hair emergency 

she didn’t talk to him much at intermission, her attention being stolen by the rest of the Cullen family (who had been Very Loudly supporting the show so far, she knew Ness was probably dying of embarrassment backstage)

after the show, the three went back to Edward’s and just...talked. Nessie was gushing about the show and eating while her parents assured her she was the greatest actress ever born, simple stuff like that. she fell asleep sandwiched in between them on the couch 

Bella realizes she’s never going to be able to bring herself to leave again if Nessie wakes up, and tells Edward as much. He clearly doesn’t want her to go just yet either, but...she’s on the run, it’s not like she has much choice 

He has so much he wants to say to her but he just- can’t. it’s not the right time. but he’s hoping she can see that in his eyes

Bella shifts Nessie off her shoulder so Edward can hold her, and she gives him a light kiss and says ‘thank you, Edward’ before disappearing in a flash. she needed to go before she lost her nerve.

Edward can’t bring himself to let Nessie out of his arms, so instead of carrying her to bed he just stays there, holding her, trying his best not to think that that could be the last time for a long time he’d ever see his Bella again, trying not to let thoughts of a life he gave up unwittingly consume him

okay I didn’t mean for this to be So Long so I’m cutting it here uhh...let me know if anyone wants a part 2? sorry lmao

[sharkneto]

what's your writing process, from concept to execution?

Oh I feel like this is going to be a disappointing answer if you're looking for any sort of process that is followable lol. I am a chaotic writer.

Fics usually start as a daydream while I'm at work or on a walk or driving my commute. Some little moment or thought in my everyday that triggers a "What If Five x?"

Searching for Good Times started with the Five and Delores confrontation and the idea that I wanted a Wandavision-esque HOb. Minor Convenience came from a blurb of dialogue in my head of Patch pulling Five over for underaged driving and a separate idea I was playing with of Five identifying a killshot in a crime scene similar to the one described in that fic but hadn't found a home for yet. Had Worse came from when I sliced my thumb open after not paying attention while picking up a glass I broke and I sat in the ER waiting for them to glue me back up. Bone Weary was my excuse to write about skulls.

I play around with them in my head, usually dialogue focused but if it's something with legs I'll brainstorm trajectory/themes I want to hit/scenes I like, until I get home and to my laptop and then I start writing.

My life would probably be easier if I wrote any sort of outline, but it's just Brain to Paper. What you read is more or less what I start with, minus tweaking and some scene rewrites to get things to flow and hit the beats I want. I write as I have words, so I bounce non-chronologically through fics as I have scenes in my head and will connect them together later. (Ex: the end of Joining Together has been written for over a year despite there being like 30k words I still have to write to get there... and then the editing I have to do to it as things have evolved and I've become a better writer) I bounce between fics as I have thoughts or motivation for them, which is why I have so many long fics languishing in my WIPs.

It's part of why I didn't used to post any long fic before I had it completely done, because I'd have the ending written before I'd done the middle, and I'd think of connectors or through-lines or call-backs that would be Great as I was working on a completely different scene. I could go back and incorporate it earlier/later where it was relevant. I was lucky I caught the shift I wanted to make to add the Sparrow Fight in Sometimes Age Comes Alone after I'd posted only the second chapter, so I had space to work with to hit the new, added beats that was going to give me.

But, to summarize, I guess most of the process happens in my head before anything ever hits the page. I have a lot of time to just think at my job, and I use that time to rotate Five in my brain and figure out scenes and work through dialogue so that when I get home I can just sit down and write.