#this is Them !!!!! it's their real form !!!

[planetsandmagic]

"even if no one else accepts you, I'll live with you"

[junotter]

Part 1 of my modern avatar au, the fire nation

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[mugwot]

funnyjokespunperson

[rotshi]

Hey, Shadow, do you like Sonic's Werehog form?

Which werehog form? 😏

[sparkles-rule-4eva]

Guys guys guys so you know how Tails is famous for copying Sonic's poses and stuff, classic little sibling trying to be as cool as older sibling, right

So

LOOK AT LITTLE KIT STRUTTING AROUND LIKE BIG SIS AND HIS LITTLE FACE OF DETERMINATION AND THE POSE AKFKWANENFKDMAKWMFKSMWKFNVLSNEMFKDAODKO

Just saying, it may have started out artificial and toxic, but I've really been loving to see how Surge and Kit's bond has slowly been changing to an actual bond, almost merely because of their shared trauma, and they're the only ones they trust. 🥺 Underrated siblinghood right here.

[goat-fanatic]

scary? my god you're divine . . .

[ohmyglobwhatthefrickamievendoing]

Love that Izzy got in one last shot at Stede in a situation where Stede could under no circumstances retaliate and won their two season long bitch-off by then immediately and permanently peacing out

[zuzu-draws]

Rest Easy, He's in a good mood right now.

[leafatlaw]

Im in love with how the hearts are represented by nether stars,, its just one really cool to think of, instead of it being some modded in thing.

Like do you think the lifesteal members ever look at the night sky and think its alive? The night sky so full of lives, shining and shimmering just out of reach. Do they stare at the nightsky with greed, those with less hearts, do they stare with envy?

Do they ever kill the wither and think how remarkably similar they are to hearts? Holding the nether star close, like it might give them a life back. Do they identify witht he wither, they also drop those same stars when they die after all?

And then, how does it feel to hold a star/life. Does it burn like a real star? Is it freezing cold? Does it thump in rhythms or pulse with light? We are all made of star dust after all, the lifesteal members are just more star than most.

[ping-ski]

i NEED dca to hold me right now and tell me everything is gonna be okay

[inkskinned]

there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)

i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.

i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.

and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.

HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.

now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.

my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.

i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.

by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!

keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"

similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."

the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"

if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.

the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.

godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.

the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 332

So the team might’ve gotten hit by a magic-user before being able to contain the whole bullshit chaos going on. But nothing happened! So they’re fine. But then when they go to sleep they…. Wake up? They’re tiny, with snouts and wings and covered in goo. They’re dreaming, they’re all confident in that, but it feels so life-like all the same. Their surroundings are alien, skies fading between unfamiliar constellations and a poisonous green as a large form encircles them. 

Stars flicker between fur and scales as a form rumbles, that same poisonous green dripping from scars as the dragon, for what else could it be, stares down at them oh-so gently. A long sinewy body twists into the shadows, flames burning a soft pink and wings upon wings coiling across its form. 

And when they awaken they nearly forget about it at first, yet each time their head hits their pillow, exhaustion weighing down their limbs, they blink their eyes back again, in that place of floating isles, broken keeps, and forms flickering in the skies. 

It’s not until they start talking that they realize they’re all dreaming of the same things. 

[blossoms-phan]

many people are afraid to be real lovers. dan and phil are not

[twisted-up-in-wonderland]

I’ve already seen one person having a lil tantrum, going off about how they were Big MadTM about the tweels having scales on them in their mer forms because

“eElS dOnT hAvE sCaLeS¡!i! 😡😡😡”

And I was like. Dude. Calm down.

Eels don’t have people attached to them either.

They are MERS. This is FANTASY. And you’re upset that they have SCALES because in REALITY eels don’t actually have them???

Lol. Lmao even.

[serpentface]

The polecat is the most common domesticated ratter and companion animal in the eastern Inner Seaway lands.

Their wild ancestors are less solitary than most mustelids, though do not have particularly complex social structures. Females (usually related) will accumulate in groups of 2-10 individuals (up to 30 in exceptional cases of high prey availability), sharing a territory and den site. Males form their own territories, which will overlap heavily with those of females.

The social hierarchy of these groups is mostly based upon age, with the eldest individuals claiming the best den sites and access to resources and mates. Their social behavior includes allogrooming, sharing of dens, and occasional sharing of prey. Their social bonds are not strongly reinforced, however. They provide no mutual care for young (and dominant females are known to kill the young of low ranking females when prey is scarce), and colonies will readily divide and disperse when their population wholly outstrips prey availability. They often move over open terrain in loose groups as means of defense against predators, but do not hunt cooperatively. Their favored prey is rodents, but they will take birds, small lizards and snakes, and the occasional large insect. They will occasionally coordinate group attacks against large threats (particularly snakes, which threaten their pups within dens).

It is not clear where or when they were domesticated. They likely domesticated themselves in conjunction with early farming practices, preying on the rodents that were attracted to grain stores and gradually being accommodated to and appreciated by human farmers. Wild polecats that could ostensibly be their ancestors can be found on both sides of the Mouth of the seaway, and evidence of domesticated polecats stretches back to prehistory on both sides as well. This would suggest either separate domestication events, or an unrecorded crossing of the Mouth by boats and possible human settlement event during the neolithic period (as most human settlement east of the Inner Seaway occurred in the paleolithic and was a long, slow, roundabout dispersal over land).

Domesticated polecats are frequently kept around as ratters. They are not as efficient as cats over open terrain, but are fairly effective with their ability to fit into confined spaces in pursuit of prey. The domestication process has rendered them more inclined towards close socialization than their wild ancestors, and they readily bond with their owners and with other unrelated polecats. Feral colonies are most distinct from wild colonies in that they form tighter social bonds and practice extensive alloparenting, with mothers often allowing unrelated young in the same colony to suckle, and sometimes even adopting orphans. Feral polecats have interbred with and/or displaced wild ones in many parts of their range, and true wild polecats are increasingly rare.

The Burri deity Tingari is the goddess of granaries, and she is often depicted as a polecat, or with one in each hand. Polecat figurines are placed in granaries to confer the goddess' protection from rodents, insects, rot and disease. This practice has been naturalized in many places formerly colonized by Imperial Bur, though often as a general ward against grain pestilence or integrated into native religious conventions rather than as representations of the Burri god.