#this hurts why is this so hard? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

umbramus · 5 months ago

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WHAT AM I?!!

Am I girl? Am I boy? Neither?! Both?!!

#ramblings #questioning my gender #again #this hurts why is this so hard?

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hinamie · 4 months ago

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all i have left

#my art #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #yuji itadori #megumi fushiguro #itafushi #fanart #jjk fanart #fushiguro megumi #itadori yuuji #yuuji #megumi #hhhhhhhhh why angsty mood im hurting my me :((((((#go from megumi angst 2 dumb outfits then HARD pivot back 2 angst #u dont understand th clench in my heart i get drawing th sukuna scars on megumi i genuinely hate it so much #theyre such a Part of yuuji's design tht drawing them on megumi feels so viscerally wrong n it just hammers home that nothing is alright #had to listen 2 the cutesiest music possible while drawing this 2 keep myself sane #miku miku beam th pain away :)#real talk tho like. im really not one to b terribly emotionally affected by my own art. or to draw from my Own emotional state at all rly #i tend 2 keep myself pretty distant #but theres smth abt this one man this one pulls at th kokoro :(#suffering from success ig :/#created an emotionally poignant piece n it hurt. 0/10 wld not recommend. am going back to drawing boys shirtless >:c #gna draw something else so i stop feeling genuine human emotion

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lazylittledragon · 4 months ago

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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:

i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???

#ramble #sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well #if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD #he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE #like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one #holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do #and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that #idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything #also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore #so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks #also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently #also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this #again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable #if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time

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sysig · 10 months ago

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Ah, childhood memories (Patreon)

#Doodles #UT #Handplates #Sans #Gaster #Having such clear external-view memories of what happened when they were young would probably give Sans a lot of ammunition lol #Not that they'd know any different - their poor memories honestly :( - but having such clear memories in places would have to be weird #Most people have childhood amnesia to an extent! Tho it's hard to say when that would've applied to them anyway with their sped-up growth #Not to mention the trauma #And it's possible that doesn't apply to Monsters to begin with lol - but it's all a moot point anyway since these are their only memories!#It's sad to think of how much of themselves are missing forever since Gaster didn't experience them :(#This is what happens when you get behind on your work >:0 #I really wonder what their lack of memories/restoration of memories would do for their like/dislike of certain things!#Like how Papyrus says that sitting with Sans in his lap makes a lot of sense as to why it was so familiar and comforting #But also that knowing makes it sad as well :( Knowing recolours their understanding and interpretation!#Knowing Why makes things make sense but does it actually Help? It's a tough question - certainly it hurts in the moment #The little things Gaster has infected for them and for himself ♥ Like taking notes! Like chess and sweets and spaghetti and lab coats #And dark sweaters and cigarette smoke and hugs and intelligence - how many pieces of all of them have A Feeling attached #How many more have A Memory - and even more than that A Memory Lost and unrecoverable ughhh ♥#But the little things they can hold on to hehe <3 Like pinging Gaster for what they all know and remember #Why does he even keep coming over if he knows the reception he'll get? Lol #Feels particularly self-loathing and goes to get bullied as penance pfft

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thesmokinpossum · 3 months ago

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#connie corleone #carmela corleone #the godfather #web weaving #this is...quite negative towards carmela i guess #so i just want to make it clear that i actually really love her as a character and i actually can understand how she became who she was #she was a woman born in the late 19th century raised not just in a patriarchal society but a CATHOLIC patriarchal society #who therefore grew up learning that she was primarly defined by her relationship to her husband and her capacity to be a 'good wife'#so i totally understand why she would take some type of sick pride in knowing that her husband never 'had' to hit her #but like...that entire part of the book was legit hard to read and Carmela was really not that much better than Vito there #so it's kinda hard for me not side eyed the shit out of her when she blame Connie for being a neglectful mom #like geez Carmela I wonder why your daugther might be struggling I'm sure it has nothing to do with anything you did or refused to do...#i'll say that she did end up being concerned for Connie and trying to help so she definitely deserves some points here #unlike Vito's dumbass who was just like 'it really hurts me to know that my daughter is being hit all the time but i can't do anything :('#'I'll tell her it's all her fault and that she deserves to be hit that will surely help somehow'#Vito really spent the entirety of this book being like 'nothing and I mean NOTHING matters more than blood (conditions very much applies)'#domestic violence mention

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bruhstation · 8 months ago

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you never change, do you

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mizaruwu · 24 days ago

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In your necromancer Rulie Au Legend just kinda seems to follow around with a blank stare in every pic besides how surprised he looked right when he was revived.

How there is Legend, like..... mentally? Does he know who he is? Does he remember his life? Is his mind as sharp as it used to be or is it muddled and hard to think straight?

If remnants of the decay in his limbs stick around the logical continuation is that his brain decayed from the lack of oxygenated blood from. Ya know. Being dead. And that resulted in brain damage like when people aren't brought back with CPR fast enough

Legend knows who he is and generally remembers his life but has trouble retrieving memories. He has constant brain fog. Sometimes the fog clears up and Hyrule is happier on days like that since Legend responds more and talks longer than a few words

But its the days when is mind is clear when Legend feels horrified with the situation he's in. He used to do something about it, like putting himself back to 'sleep' but Hyrule wakes him up and heals any injury his body has– so Legend is just resigned now.

Him following Rulie around with a dead (pun intended) expression is Legend going "this might as well be happening" Or has brain fog <-(the usual reason)

Thanks for the interesting tidbit about brain decay/damage! It explains leg's constant brainfog quite nicely! :D

#Leg was pretty aware when he first got revived so thats why his reaction was like that #<-(me half bullshitting)#Honestly I never planned to expand that first drawing lmao #But I thought out how legend's body would feel #Like how it'd be hard to move at first (rigor mortis)#Moving around would help with the stiffness #And talking hurt a bit at first/ after any length of time he didnt talk #linked universe #lu legend #necromancer hyrule #my art

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 1 year ago

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Thank you. I'm sorry.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #jin guangyao #lan wangij #jin ling #LWJ shifting into fight mode was so damn cool. He is always ready to start throwing hands.#It's in a way that befits someone with a bit more bloodlust that his calm demeanor lets on - but nearly always in defense of someone.#What a great synergy with his personal philosophies! see that he is a Genuinely Noble Guy time and time again!#Is is also way more hilarious and unhinged than most people give him credit for? Also yes.#Nothing and no one ever said he did not or would not rip off JGY's hat mid-fight. I think LWJ needs to snatch more wigs LITERALLY.#Yes I'm delaying the part where I have to address the emotional turmoil of Jin Ling stabbing wwx. It gutted me terribly.#What is worse that realizing that someone you respected has done horrible things #than discovering someone who did horrible things being a kind and trustworthy person?#What is more horrifying that realizing other people are extremely complex and cannot be categorized into black and white?#When people hurt us or our loved ones we very much want to make them out to be irredeemable monsters. But they are not.#It is not actually such a terrible fate to just be a person. To be forgiven and forgive is possible. To change is possible.#This lesson is hard. It is something you have to actively challenge yourself to do. Black and white is the innate path to go down.#And its *why* I love Jin Ling so much. He is the character who fights the longest and hardest to challenge social and personal beliefs #He gets a pass for stabbing wwx for being so deliciously conflicted and tormented by it.#And with wrists THAT limp I can't imagine the wound was particularly deep

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merge-conflict · 4 months ago

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I think the tragedy of Johnny Silverhand is that he really does fall in love. He loved Kerry, he loved Rogue, he loved Alt, I’m sure he loved others. Was he good at showing it? No. Was he good at relationships? Absolutely fucking not. Toxic angry manipulative man child hours. Was he good at communication or managing his emotions or working on himself as a person? Lol. Was he even able to admit to himself how much of a fucker he was? Maybe sometimes. But the love was absolutely there.

#i think that’s why they can’t fully give him up either #somewhere under that miserable reactive sleazy charisma is someone who cares so much it hurts #and the hard truth is they’re happier without him #but they’d all move heaven and earth for him and vice versa because they Know #anyway i’m so normal about this shithead #johnny silverhand

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lotus-pear · 1 year ago

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akai art for beloved tumblr mutual @itotypes <33 (it's a bsd x atla au btw if anyone wants to check it out.. although i wouldn't recommend it for the weak hearted)

fic name: akai || author: @/itotypes on ao3

#literally did this from character descriptions in the fic i couldn't find a reference itoooo im so sry 😭😭#rly hope i remembered the bottom scene correctly?? i think chuuya was wearing dazais clothes bc he didnt want earth nation attire💀#anyway that scene was so hot i was biting back screams the entire time #ALSO I FOUND OUT I CANT DRAW FRECKLES.. WHY IS IT SO HARD #speaking of which dazai looks so cute w freckles and a tan and black hair im investing hes so so cute in this au😭#i don't even read fics so i was very mentally unprepared for the ending.. ito could've shot me it would've hurt less #anyway forcing all my mutuals to go read akai rn. it's required #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #dazai osamu #osamu dazai #chuuya nakahara #nakahara chuuya #soukoku #skk #lotus draws

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datkat08 · 4 months ago

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In this installment of Zosan we have: Sanji worrying about Zoro in Sabaody because of his injuries from Thriller Bark

#when zoro was showing signs of pain Sanji knew the problem IMMEDIATELY #zoro is stubborn as HELL so when the pain is making it hard for him to stand that’s how you KNOW he’s hurting like a bitch #something I’ve started to realize is that Sanji knows Zoro better than anyone #it’s really cool actually #and that’s why I’ll be loyal to zosan forever #zosan #roronoa zoro #vinsmoke sanji #zoro #sanji #zoro x sanji #zoro and sanji #one piece #sabaody archipelago #sabaody zosan #sabaody

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wardensantoineandevka · 2 months ago

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one of my favorite parts of speculating ahead of the Veilguard is the number of people talking themselves around and around in the loop of "Illario is extremely suspicious and the most obvious choice for who betrayed Lucanis → However, Illario seems like he genuinely cares for Lucanis and seemed sincerely distraught in The Wake → I know in my heart it must be Illario: there is no one else with means and motive → If Illario did it, I understand why given how Caterina has treated him and them, and he has arguably earned a bit of a villain era → The situation is ultimately caused by Caterina and Crow politics and, again, Caterina → I don't want it to be Illario because I want he and Lucanis to have a good relationship given all they've suffered together → However, there is already an existing bitterness between them because of the succession question and in Illario generally because he's seen as lesser → Illario is the most obvious choice"

#so many of us are like it's gotta be Illario I don't want it to be Illario it makes sense it's Illario #It's like... it's a tragic situation because no matter what—even if it is Illario—the root cause is Caterina and she's already dead.#Speaking for myself. *I* keep doing this loop bc even if it was Illario it's hard with what we know so far for me to hold it against him?#Yes he had different choices. Obviously he could have done anything else. But like it isn't just ambition and spite.#Assuming it is him [points at the loop] it feels like a situation fostered by the way Caterina raised and hurt them both.#What methods do you feel you have when the only thing you know is knives and murder?#How else to feel when the cousin you love like a brother eventually convinces himself he doesn't hate the grandmother who ruined you both?#She is only “Caterina” in your mouths and you are “cousin” in his but he is choosing her over you and how else is there to feel?#After all: she's sharpened all your emotions into knives. They're only ever knives.#ANYWAY that got away from me there for a second #I think that's why we're doing this loop. It's gotta be Illario but it being Illario resolves little. It's not a complete catharsis.#It's really the facts of their lives. It's really what Caterina did to them. It's really the yawning pit at the center of House Dellamorte.#Illario Dellamorte #Lucanis Dellamorte #Caterina Dellamorte #Dragon Age: The Veilguard #Dragon Age The Veilguard #Veilguard #Dragon Age #DATV things #DATV spoilers #Veilguard spoilers

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art-is-kayos · 2 months ago

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Sight of a Star - Blue-ish Star Ryōshū and Don Quixote

#HERES HOW BLUE-ISH STAR BELIEVERS CAN STILL WIN I PROMISE #Rendering sucks but I do like how these look very much. I hate drawing armour. big fan of dramatic shadows however.#but! as for justifications:#B-iS is an abno regarding what one so desperately wants but cannot have - possibly connecting to Blue Star and the paradise-like place-#people wish to reach by throwing themselves into it. though what is offered by B-iS is a much less refined yet as tantalising #given the text of 'The irresistible allure is almost tearing you apart' and the less refined bit being implied by both design #[jagged edges of the actual blue shape and legs like dolls - both unlike BS' much rounder and more naturalistic design]#in short it's the manifestation of impossible dreams - for Don this is her quest for a just knighthood in the City of all places #and for Ryōshū [though idk her source] it is her final work of art - the Hell Screen #when approached one's body is 'pushed away' as if a manifestation of how it is unachievable. at least it is for them #'To be truly blue the one with the true blue must be left alone in one’s blueness.'#is what I interpret as: 'to truly dream the dreamer must be left to one's fantasies'#dreams by nature do not intersect well with reality. all their flaws will be shown and they will crack under the pressure of the real world #it is why the dream pushes them away. to preserve itself. also probably has something to do with how DQ also has void dream #and this abno gives pride boosts in its event. and I personally see pride as a sort of 'self assurance' or 'self above others' so to speak #as to chase ones dreams one must think themselves the exception. as the one that can persevere over the City #plus the HP damage and the various juxtapositions in the 'forward' option may be in reference to how dreams and reality don't mix.#harming those who chase them. though all the same the 'backwards' option shows that simply tossing them aside shall hurt in its own way #to think oneself 'impure' enough to give up on chasing it is all the same resignation on your uniqueness #as for the gift: the name is possibly to do with how lower stars seem easier to reach. and the effect of damage at minus SP....#going insane dream chasing?#but to take ones leave allows for it to be left behind without any further effects. you did not look at your dreams. acknowledge them at al #but are you better off like that? not dreaming? forgetting that brilliantly unfinished star?#but anyways I hope you liked my rambles. also this abno and everything related to Blue Star is so tastefully C flavoured that I love them #and fun fact! when I was first generally mapping sinners to unfightable/EGOless abnos I entirely forgot Ryōshū somehow. which led to this.#they don't have weapons they just kick real hard and it works well enough #limbus company #ryōshū lcb #don quixote lcb #🎠🚬

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daily-nicotine · 9 months ago

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miss bartender you forgot tongue

#i miss them so :)#nozoeli kissing in front of nic sloppy style during work hours #SHE IS BUSY WORKING #SHE DOES NOT WANT TO SEE FILTH #mak: hehe id like what shes having (aka the drink)#also mak: miss bartender where is the tongue? where is your spit? i wanted to feel teeth #im stagnating id like to fling myself to the ground and never come back up #drawing on phone so hard so so hard #why not draw on your lappy u ask well setting up the lappy is a hassle and sitting that long hurts me so bad #anyway enough yapping!!!!#ncmk is still strong in me #mein #daily nicotine #nicomaki #nozoeli #love live

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thebestusernamepossible · 3 months ago

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I think a really underrated character duo in gravity falls is Dipper and Stan. Like one, I think they are way more similar than people give them credit for. Like Dipper is definitely the one who feels like the ‘inferior’ twin (internally on his part), something reflected in Stan. Also Dipper is generally pretty cunning and willing to throw punches in a Stan-way, you can see Stan rubbing off on him as the show progresses. Dipper in the Stan costume, and that one scene where Stan and Dipper both cross their fingers at the same time for the same promise, both live in my head rent free. In my heart of hearts I think Dipper picks up a bit of Stans con-man tricks in the future (and Mabel goes on some bonding missions w/ Ford, but this post isn’t abt them). Also I just want to say I bet Dipper reminded Stan of a young Ford and that informed some of their early dynamic. Anyway bye just needed this brainworm out

#gravity falls #dipper pines #Stan pines #stanley pines #That one scene in Dreascapers where Stan talks abt how he sees himself in Dipper and that’s why he’s hard on him?#yeah #look the twins can obviously be put into their easy Mabel-Stan Dipper-Ford parallels #BUT I think it’s interesting to do it teh other way too #because Mabel and Ford are the weird twins of their pairs!!! they’re the outcasts who get picked on for being strange!#Also while I don’t think Mabel is Selfish (I love Mabel) she can be a little self-centered which is a good parallel to Ford who #is also kinda self centered #again I say this with love- Mabel did nothing wrong #similarly- Dipper can be mapped to the ‘Screw up twin’ (in his mind) the way Stan can #Dipper is a nerd but he’s not a super-genius like Ford was- so next to mabel he feels inferior #(I feel like he said something like this somewhere? the journal?)#anyway Stan is the same way #Also the way Dipper would fuck anyone up for hurting his family- even going as far to THREATEN bill in BOB #Tbf mabel does this too but it’s way less serious #anyway have this #gravity falls dipper #gravity falls stanley #wait I’m not over this actually #Mabel getting tricked by Bill pretending to be someone she trusted can be a Ford paralell actually #you know how bill sees himself in Ford despite the fact he’s WAYYY more like Stan??? that but mabel the opposite way. do you see the vision?#also the fact the two pines bill hates are Dipper and Stan. I win again #THE BILL-MABEL-FORD PARALELLE BUBBLE MIGHT NEED ITS OWN POST BC I HAVE THOUGHTS

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time-woods · 2 years ago

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it does me psychic damage evrytime i relate to harry- from the dumb ass mullet and bitchin style (terrible), or the scars on the back of his hands- like its cathartic in a way to see a story like his, im no where done with the game, all i know is that this man has been hurt, hes such a soggy papertowel

#disco elysium #LIKE I KNOW IM NOT SUPPOSED TO RELATE 2 A 40YO ALCOHOLIC COP BUT DAMN DO SOME SHIT HIT HARD #im jus a highschooler what th fuc man why this cop make my heart hurt #also appologies this is so messy

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