#this has been my vent for the evening
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Okay, so, I have very much been enjoying tottmnt but I have to say I'm a little bit peeved
Spoilers ahead
I've only just finished the first arch with the mechazoids and Bishop and beautiful! Very nice. Me likey
The reason I'm peeved is because the whole thing they did with the bots targetting mutants, and targetting Rod because of his mutation... is kinda what I had planned for something I've been working on for a while now
Brilliant minds think alike and whatnot but now I'm just- Do I change it? What do I do?
#i've been working on it for months#it probably won't come out for ages#but like#now it doesn't feel like my idea#god damnit original thought#it doesn't exist#this has been my vent for the evening#gnini#tmnt#teenage mutant ninja turtles#tottmnt#tmnt mutant mayhem#tmnt mm#tales of the tmnt#mutant mayhem
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anyone ever notice that mainly the only way that bruce and jason mend their relationship, both in canon and fics, is by jason realizing bruce actually feels bad for everything he did or is shouldering too much and it guilt trips jason into trying to fix his relationship with bruce? this isn't all cases but it definitely is the case with most popular fics. bruce apologizes sometimes yeah but it's usually just someone telling jason or him realizing just how heartbroken and depressed bruce is. jason then internalizes out of guilt that he needs to lay off bruce and realize that maybe bruce is trying his best
in fact most relationships jason has with the bats in fanon is like this. jason calls tim replacement until oh nooo the poor baby is so sleepy and running on coffee and awww he's just a little boy i need to stop being a menace, meanwhile tim or alfred never apologized for every nasty thing they said or imagined about jason when he was robin. enemy to caretaker makes me barf. do not make my boy who has been a caretaker to adults since birth take care of this rich boy who's been taken care of extraordinarily since day one. tim having this supposed childhood trauma fans talk about doesn't take away from the fact that he was taken care of as a child
#this is strictly a ramble because i got pissed off reading something and needed to immediately vent#i don't give a single fuck about tim having abusive parents because it's so exaggerated by fanon that it makes me laugh#i wouldn't be angry about it if his fans didn't use it as a way to make jason feel bad and take care of him#it's so telling the way jason's autonomy has been constantly ripped away from him to the point where he's a caretaker even for tim#who doesn't NEED ONE#leave my boy ALONEEE#jason todd#red hood#anti tim drake#anti batfam#anti bruce wayne
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people love telling me not to isolate myself when I’m having a crisis- reach out, don’t hide, etc- and while that’s a lovely sentiment, a lot of people don’t seem to understand what it entails in practice? like they truly don’t seem to have considered that me being open during my mental health crisis will mean them actually Seeing and Hearing small parts of that crisis.
“don’t hide yourself” seems to come with a secret caveat of “but don’t be unpalatable either”. often my openness leads not to support but to an ethics debate about whether it was condemnable of me to let my struggle be slightly visible. interesting. when i wear short sleeves or make casual mention of the long-term aftermath of my self injury, it’s somehow perceived as me saying “self injury is awesome! i think the whole world should do it!” instead of being perceived as me living exactly as i always have, just hiding a little less, bringing you into my world a tiny bit, like you asked. healed scars are the only ones i allow to be seen, i cover up healing injuries and i don’t talk about methods or anything overly specific or sensational. i openly discuss harm reduction measures & therapeutic strategies. but somehow ppl still disapprove of the snippets they see when i reach out.
if you want people to reach out during crisis you have to accept that theres no way for a person to make themselves palatable while theyre showing you their severe mental illness lmao. they’re not going to provide you constant caveats while sharing their feelings like “ive been having trouble coping so i fell back on self injury. but i don’t condone it! YOU shouldn’t do it and I condemn myself for having done it btw! I will never forgive myself for this expression of mental illness, i’m so sorry I revealed it to you.”
this post might be a vent I can’t rly tell. open to conversation if anyone has any similar experiences 👍
#ok to rb#this double bind has been driving me nuts since I was like 14 when I first encountered it#i had this friend who was constantly telling me to reach out and that i can vent to them and I don’t have to censor myself etc#and then when i stopped trying to hide how much self harm is a part of my reality they told me i was ‘promoting mental illness’#and that i was a monster#this wasn’t even online this was an irl friendship 😭#txt#mental illness#self harm mention#self harm tw#actually mentally ill#negative#idk if this needs better content warnings
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grief
#vent but ok to rb#barrel#sfw furry#my ocs#miss you so much dude#you left in 2013? 2014? god i cant even remember My memory keeps getting worse#has it really been that long? i still feel like a scared child#it hurts
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#im so sad it was such a good ask blog too but my mood has been so severely impacted by it i literally could not handle it anymore#big surprise your favorite character being put through constant and severe turmoil is emotionally damaging. who wouldve guessed#it makes me sad people are so fucking mean too :^(#<- in relation to some of the asks folks send in to guide stories along#like sure cute aggression yeah whatever but some of yall are straight up cruel for no reason. ill never understand it#i really wish i had the heart to keep following this blog bc its such a huge and beautiful passion project... but im sensitive:^(#even if its fictional#sorry to the mutual i had to break </3 wahhhh#late night personal posting. goodnight#laika originals#oh should i tag this as uhhh#vent#? kind of not really im just talking here
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#dahlia hawthorne#ace attorney#phoenix wright#dahlia x phoenix#alexa play dark red by steve lacy#my art#since i dont want to make a dedicated post let me use my notes to vent about how much i love dahlia conceptually and how much i wish AA +#writers weren't sexist#dahlia was given the shittiest set of cards when she was a kid and she was a victim of grooming by that terry loser#she is CONSTANTLY objectified and sexualised and i think her design as a skinny young looking individual makes it even more distasteful#but i think it works if the writers could have done something with that#what i love about dahlia and phoenix's relationship is the contrast - phoenix needs to see people as innocent before jumping to help them v#dahlia who has if you think about it is innocent to a degree given how fucked up her childhood was#dahlia could have been a great case study into compassion for phoenix as she has hurt him directly but in his role as a lawyer he has to se#past certain flaws so justice can be served#and it can PUSH his understanding of what is “guilty”#yes dahlia killed people but also i choose to believe her worldview was severely warped by her enviornment and she's a product of it#or if they wanted to make her a villain and stick with it i think as a rival ro phoenix she should have been a cautionary tale#of what happens when you never learn to move beyond the shitty hand youve been dealt with and live non judgementally#anyways ^_^
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Would they understand why I’ve done it? Why I did it? Would they fully understand that I’ve killed myself? Their daughter? Suicide? Or would they just understand that I’m gone.
#tw sui ideation#tw sui implied#tw sui talk#tw vent#in a way#a little more serious of my posts#I wrote this on the 5th of October of 2023#I was not in the best mental place last year#I’ve been doing better now thankfully and this summer has been doing wonders even though it hasn’t been very eventful#I want to post some of my older writing that has been stacking up in my notes#spilled thoughts#spilled ink#writing#quote#words#typography#spilled words#prose#prose poetry#lit#literature#poem#mental health
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mdzs tumblr post au but it’s just “what were you doing at the devil’s sacrament” (nightless city)
#i’ve gotten there in my reread and while wwx def didn’t have good intentions *going* there#(he did want to vent his anger; ‘they finally attacked first!’ etc)#frankly i don’t see it as any different from a battle they’d initiated#(and also the actual thing WAS actually a battle they iniated even if wwx was waiting for that to happen but ignoring that)#it was a pledge against him and one with intention of attack#jgs literally said ‘and tomorrow we’ll scatter the ashes of the rest of the wen dogs and the yiling patriarch wei ying’#whether he meant it literally or not doesn’t matter bc at some point they *were going to attack*#and everyone there came to sign up for that right? everyone was prepared to face wwx in battle already right?#and if they WEREN’T prepared to do that and were just there for reputation points THEY SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE#THAT’S ON THEM#so no they weren’t planning to be attacked BY wwx but they WERE planning to attack wwx which should be the same thing#the only difference is who has the advantage of surprise… which they were planning to use to their advantage#so regardless of wwx’s intentions (and their impacts on his morality if you care about that)#i do NOT think it’s fair to say he killed x thousand innocents/unprepared people/sth along those lines#that battle and those casualities were going to happen anyway the only difference was when#(and the only reason it IS painted as such an evil act rather than some heroic battle is because by all metrics wwx won)#so yeah 3000 cultivators… *what were YOU doing at the devil’s sacrament*#mdzs misc#mdzs
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Just a bit of lore relevant vent art (with terrible proportions bc apparently I mess that up horribly when I'm tired ugh. Watch me regret posting this tomorrow. The head size is already driving me mad bc it's too big, and I can feel myself wanting to abort this mission already) of Mourynn just, lying down on top of one of those large elevated Pale Tree roots far above the Grove (and far away from everyone else), and during the time between the early years and before the Personal story. Caithe is gone (Destiny's Edge), Wynne is gone (bc well, y'know...), even Faolain is gone (bc of Caithe in DE), and she's just feeling miserable, lost, and alone. (Her hair is in between her sapling hair and the Zhaitan hair, so it's grown out a bit bc she's depressed, and she's meant to be in the new outfit she designed, but I'm in the process of redesigning it a bit, so I've made a few tentative changes for now. Her collar is now just an extension of her clavicle leaves which can be put up like a collar, or can be draped down over her shoulders or back)
#gw2#sylvari#artgallery#mourynn#mourynn art#I've just been so tired lately bc of work#also just going a bit stir crazy with the silence (lonely; but alas I unfortunately suck at starting convos bc I have nothing interesting t#talk about and work has been draining my social energy; making it even harder :( (I'd rather burn the social energy with friends yknow?)#it's getting a wee bit better; but I haven't had much time or energy to even game while we're in the midst of our busiest season :(#I miss hanging out and chatting with my buds; but the universe insists on keeping us apart :(#just miss having something to look forward to throughout my day. Been trying to fill it with other things; but the depresso is overriding i#Mostly just been me with my thoughts and that is just bad bc I got so many horrors in there lmao.#I wanna at the very least; draw more or game more to distract from it; but work is sapping all my time and energy from it.#but also it's very quiet on my end and it's kicking my overthinking into overdrive so I#Ive just been fighting with my mind lately lmao#hopefully this will all pass soon so I won't obsessively keep thinking about it loll#lol I'd post this in the servers but it's vent art so it feels a bit weird to do; so it's going straight to home video w/o a theater releas#hopefully once work calms down it'll help#(I have so many long shifts makes me so frustrated bc I hate them and I run out of steam half way through)#other than all that I'm doing fine lol. My brain's always been like this; But I usually only get like this during the winter season#(bc of the holidays making everything quiet and also the SAD) so it feels weird having this exact same feeling happen to me in July lol
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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I blacked out and more Logince HS AU appeared on my canvas idk what happened (also ty @oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat for some inspiration sorry it took so long to make a post about Them <3)
#spoondoodles#sanders sides#sanders sides fanart#ts sides#tss#logan sanders#roman sanders#patton sanders#remus sanders#janus sanders#logince#I am here!!! for the platonic relationships!!!!! in this AU!!!!!!!#i have a strong character arc in my head about platonic logicality growing up together as childhood friends you have no idea asdfghj#i think they were very dependent on each other for many years so much so they'd copy each other but they're much more independent in HS#only remnant of that is that they have the same glasses + emotionally vent to each other a lot - their friends circle has grown enough#they don't live in each others' pockets anymore. roman + janus met in theatre + are gossip besties like they just talk shit together#(not completely sold on janus' design yet ngl i'm not happy with how i drew the vitilego but i'm working on it)#remus + logan are partners in chemistry in a classic teacher act of putting the 'disruptive' kid next to the 'good student' kid in hopes#that logan would stop remus acting out. predictably what happened instead is that they're friends now + remus is still as disruptive#but in a way that entertains logan so they get their work done early. now the teacher can't separate them. lol lmao.#remus knows ALL. but has been sworn to secrecy so can't say shit. janus knows roman's feelings but only suspects logan's.#patton didn't even have to be told by logan he just KNEW + is choosing not to speculate on roman's feelings b/c he's too polite.#virgil isn't here but that's b/c he also KNOWS without being told + is in an even more precarious position than remus. if they were#on better speaking terms he'd commiserate with remus. alas they are suffering separately.#anyway enough rambling from me. many thoughts head full.
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Trespasser
#shout out to the same stock image of a heart I keep using as a reference every time I draw a heart#which has only been twice now but#it’s my comfort stock image (idfk)#what do I even tag this as#moose draws#moose posting#vent art#vent post#cw vent#blood#cw blood#tw blood#fuck do I tag cannibalism?? implied cannibalism??#I took a break from hw to draw this im gonna go back to writing my essay
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Man it's weird to continuously grieve yourself, your own health, your ability to do things,
It's heartbreaking to go through the comics I've made about it
Im so increasingly desperate and hopeless, I need help badly but I also know there's no point because I have never once been given genuine help from a fucking doctor
The older I get and the longer I've dealt with this the more upset I am that the only "help" I have ever been offered is antidepressants, anxiety meds and telling me to get a different job or to listen to diet podcasts. I've waited over a year for an appointment to be told to be mindful about my nervous system malfunctioning
I have so many more problems than currently on paper because I know I don't have it in me anymore to do that fight again for things I know I won't get help for
#my current belief#as it has been for a while and only getting worse#is that i would have to be on my death bed before any medical professional took notice#and even then theyd be like#idk die#i just have no hope#no faith#and month by month my quality of life#my ability to anything#decreases#is it cynical#yeah#but i have spent a decade dealing with the medical system and been constantly fucking let down#i have been ill since i was 10#seeking answers and help since i was 14#and only partially got there#jays thoughts#disabled#chronic illness#spoonie#chronically ill#fibromyalgia#hEDS#cfs/me#middle of the night vents because im so annoyed sometimes
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I can't imagine being anywhere near as insane as Trump supporters because my dad told me that he, earlier, drove past a guy putting a "Harris Walz 2024" sign outside his house and decided to yell out at him "TRUMP 2024 YOU COCKSUCKER" and flip him off. And he laughed when he told me because he thinks that yelling at a man (emphasized man because he thinks men should be "better" than women, and "better" would be voting for Trump in this case) who is voting for a "whore who slept her way to the top" (his exact words) is funny. And expected me to laugh with him. And got angry when I didn't and just stared at him in disbelief. Even though he already knows that I don't like Donald Trump. These people fully expect others to find their weird ass derogatory words and behavior FUNNY. Donald Trump is leading a cult of old people who he brainwashed into being delusional with him.
#vote blue#harris walz 2024#kamala harris#tim walz#i know some fucker is gonna be here saying like “it's true i was the tree”#i didn't see this with my own two eyes but i've lived 21 years with my dad and i HAVE seen him do shit like this#but it was mostly just honking at random people on the sidewalk or yelling “WHERE Y'GOING” in their direction out the window#like it's still embarrassing and weird but not derogatory#and since being retired and having nothing to do all day except watch trump and more trump and more trump he has gotten worse#not a day has gone by in the last four months where he hasn't insulted joe biden or kamala harris#and every single time he has expected my brother and i to laugh at his insult even though he knows that we don't like trump#it's so depressing watching your own parent become a worse person#he was already one of the insufferable republicans before trump and now he's a trump republican which is even worse#and yk what's even worse it's that my mom has no spine against men so if her boyfriend asks for her to vote trump she'll be like “okay”#she's not a republican she just doesn't care because she thinks voting doesn't matter#my aunt who i have always loved so much now calls up my dad to talk about trump with him and i never heard her swear until this year#my other aunt makes talking about trump her entire personality when she has a gambling addiction she should be treating instead#my dad's side is a bunch of trump supporters and my mom's side just doesn't give a fuck#and i can't vote because i'll get kicked out of here faster than the speed of light the second my dad sees#the paper in the mail saying that my voter history has been updated#even if it's not public who i voted for because he knows that whoever i vote for will never be trump#sorry#tag vent#this sucks#please vote
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#us election venting beware:#i am actually a bit annoyed at all the people that told me i was just being pessimistic and it's not healthy to think the worst of people#when yet again we have proven the worst of people wins#and even if it doesn't win (it will) it is still so significantly mobilized and out there#like i know it's not helpful. but i TOLD YOU. everyone thought it wouldn't happen and it DID.#just like nobody thought it would happen THEN and i was apparently the only one around me who saw it coming.#now can we PLEASE take this problem SERIOUSLY and get off our fucking asses and admit it's fucked out there??#the core of our system is bad. it is rotting and the proof is in this joke of an election#so can every white liberal get off my ass for 'bringing down the vibe' or whatever?#you people have been LAZY for a long time. you have been comfortable and unmotivated and been doing NOTHING.#quit focusing on doing your best by voting and get the fuck out there and disrupt. radicalize!#'common sense' is not enough and it never was#i hate to say it but believing the best in the masses in this deeply racist country will disappoint you every time#and i can't believe so many people fell for it again!!!!#i know it's unfair but#i'm finding it really difficult to sympathize with people in my community who are sad and disappointed#when i watched you do NOTHING for YEARS#(not for the people that are actively in danger. my heart breaks for you. i will not stop fighting for you. you didn't deserve this.)#i have never believed that people are fundamentally good and i'm sorry if that's mean but it's just not true#people are fundamentally neutral and you have to WORK to push them towards 'good'#and for too long the pushing has been going in the other direction. but 'pushing' at all is uncouth to you people i guess#get over your decorum. get over your morals that mean nothing. no one else is playing by your rules. DO something. CARE MORE.#sorry. i'm angry. i am filled with rage. and it is mostly directed towards the white intellectual elite.#to anyone who is blindingly furious i see you and i am with you lmao.#to anyone that wants to say 'i told you so' you are so valid.#we keep going.#futhermore: 'it's only four years. we'll recover.' BITCH#ONLY four years? that's four years of DAMAGE that will really hurt people in the meantime#and set up a whole host of problems for the future! the courts my god.#four years of bullshit policy and shit we will have to spend years untangling just to get back to even thinking about making any progress
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Oh my gosh whyyyy am I so obsessed with numbers I don't like it at all this is driving me INSANEEEE😭😭IT'S GETTING WORSE AND WORSE AS THE DAYS GO BY AAAA
#IT'S SO WEIRD I HATE IT I HATE IT SO FCKING MUCH#I've had this weird relationship with numbers for years but it's gotten so much worse#I'm so obsessed with even numbers and odd numbers likeeee#I have even days and odd days?? that's what I call them anyways#where on even days everything has to involve even numbers and on odd days everything has to involve odd numbers#like those are my safe numbers for those days#and if I use the wrong number on the wrong day something bad will happen so I have to.I guess?? neutralize it?? somehow..#usually I figure out how in the moment but other times I just panic#likee for example today's an (I'm assuming) even day right now. so I have to have my tv volume on an even number#I have to eat an even number of food today#I CANNOT rb something on tumblr if I'm not on an even numbered reblog or I'm not an even numbered note... that makes no sense lemme explain#so I always have to like posts I reblog it's a rule I have for some reason. so in order for me to reblog a post#I have to land on an even number when I rb it#so for example if a post has 172 notes I'll like it which'll give it 173 notes then I'll rb which'll give it 174 notes#but if the post already has 173 notes before I liked it then I'll just like and not rb bcz if I rb it'll be 175 notes#which lands on an odd number and ahasbdhfbdsfaedw#it's the same for odd days just vice versa (it'd have to be on 177 though bcz 5 is an unsafe number for me rn)#YEAH 100% unsafe numbers for me are 3 5 6 and 9 and any number involving those numbers (so 26 and 13 are still unsafe)#basically no matter if it's an even day or an odd day I cannot land on anything with those numbers#and if I don't follow these rules my brain made up then something awful will happen or my day will go bad#or something I wanna do won't go well#thess numbers apply to EVERYTHING. and and it's SO ANNOYINGGGG. I've been trying to ignore it but it's getting harder and harder HELPPSADNF#I tried to tell my mom abt it but she just says “oh your grandma's also like that. you probably got it from her”#THANKS GRANDMA FOR THE NUMBER OBSESSION :'D#vent
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