#so no they weren’t planning to be attacked BY wwx but they WERE planning to attack wwx which should be the same thing

[withthewindinherfootsteps]

mdzs tumblr post au but it’s just “what were you doing at the devil’s sacrament” (nightless city)

[no--envies]

I've seen people suggest LXC is as guilty as everyone else for WWX's downfall and the murder of the Wen remnants, either because he knew they were just a bunch of weak and old people and didn't care, or because he was too naive and he should have gone to the Burial Mounds to investigate for himself.

With this post I aim to analyse the events leading to WWX's downfall from the point of view of characters who acted in good faith without having all the necessary information. I'm bringing LXC as an example because he's one of the less culpable in the whole matter, but similar considerations could be made about several other characters.

First of all, as far as we know LXC didn't personally take part in the first siege of the Burial Mounds, since the novel states that the Lan Sect was led by LQR.

Back then, during the first siege of Burial Mound, Jin GuangShan led the LanlingJin Sect, while Jiang Cheng led the YunmengJiang Sect; Lan QiRen led the GusuLan Sect, while Nie MingJue led the QingheNie Sect. The former two were the main forces, the latter two could’ve gone without.

(Chapter 68)

The other three main sects were led by their respective leaders, so why was the Lan Sect the only one that was led by someone else? My own interpretation is that LXC wanted to stay with his brother while he was recovering from his injuries and he didn't want to be an active participant in the siege that would kill his brother's beloved, despite personally disapproving of WWX's actions. One could argue that letting LQR lead the Lan Sect in the siege still meant giving his tacit approval, which is not wrong, but what should be considered is that the cultivation world didn't plan a siege against WWX because he had taken a bunch of prisoners of war and sheltered them in the Burial Mounds, but because he had killed hundreds of cultivators at Qiongqi Path and a lot more at Nightless City.

Before WN lost control and killed thirty people at Koi Tower - the time he and WQ had gone to turn themselves in - the situation wasn't so dire for WWX yet. The Wen siblings' sentence was still being discussed by the sects. WN mentions that LWJ spoke up for him and his sister back then (chapter 89), which suggests the Lan Sect as a whole hadn't taken an antagonistic stance against WWX yet. LWJ probably tried to bring what he had seen of the Wen remnants and their peaceful settlement as proof that they hadn't done anything to deserve being sentenced to death.

Unfortunately, after that WN lost control of himself and attacked the cultivators who were present at the discussion, which gave even the Lan and Nie Sects a reason to hold a grudge against WWX, since some of the victims were from their Sects as well.

“The Ghost General really is fierce… Said he was there to give himself in, but then he suddenly flipped out. He slaughtered again, this time in Koi Tower.”

[...]

“Wei Ying, though, he shouldn’t have made him if he can’t control it. Created a mad dog and he didn’t leash it. Sooner or later, he’s gonna be faced with a qi deviation. With the way things have been, I doubt the day is that far away.”

[...]

“How unfortunate for the LanlingJin Sect.”

“Things were even worse for the GusuLan Sect! Over half of the thirty-or-so people were from their sect. They were clearly only there to help calm things down.”

(Chapter 77)

A few of the QingheNie Sect’s disciples died in the hands of Wen Ning as well. Nie MingJue spoke coldly, “What arrogance.”

(Chapter 78)

The text explicitly states that the cultivators from the Lan Sect who were present at Koi Tower were only there to "help calm things down", which means they weren't trying to accuse WWX and the Wen remnants. At the time, the Lan Sect's general stance about WWX appeared to be mostly neutral (the same could be said of the Nie Sect). LWJ's own attitude toward the Burial Mounds settlement could be considered mostly neutral as well, at least until WN and WQ (and then WWX) really needed his help.

An argument I’ve seen brought up often is that, if everyone had known the Wen remnants were just farming and living as ordinary peasants, a lot more people would have chosen to help them. However, the main issue wasn't how they were living in the Burial Mounds (which nobody knew except JC, LWJ and maybe LXC), but their role in the war. Not only were they all cultivators from the Wen Clan, despite being very weak, but WQ was favored by WRH, which made her involvement in her sect's crimes even more likely despite her good reputation. Nobody had heard of her killing anyone, but how could they be sure? Besides, the Lan Sect didn't owe any debt of gratitude to the Wen siblings. The Wen Sect had burned the Cloud Recesses and killed LXC and LWJ's father. NMJ held a personal grudge against the Wen Sect because WRH had killed his father, plus his own black-and-white morality made him judge WQ for not opposing WRH in any way. LXC and NMJ had no reason to go out of their way to help WWX and the Wen remnants, but before the bloodbath of Nightless City they didn't do anything to harm them, either.

We also have to take into consideration the world MDZS is set in; that is, a fantasy version of ancient China where revenge is absolutely justified and is considered an act of justice. Even wiping out entire Sects in revenge isn't necessarily condemned, since JGY did that for the alleged murder of his son and nobody criticized him for it until they learned of all the crimes he had commited and realized those people had most likely been framed by him. Xue Yang was obviously despised by everyone for what he did to the Chang Clan because his revenge was considered exceedingly disproportionate to Chang Cian's offense. Xiao Xingchen illustrates society's point of view on the matter very well when he says cutting Chang Cian's finger or even his entire arm would have been entirely reasonable.

So, as long as it was deemed proportionate to the offense, revenge was justified. Putting all the Wen survivors who had taken part in the war into a labor camp was considered a justified punishment in universe. The sects refused to admit the guards had actually abused the prisoners, suggesting that was going too far, but taking revenge against them by putting them in labor camps was totally accepted. Even WWX - who the novel portrays as morally correct most of the time - doesn’t condemn it. He himself used very cruel and ruthless methods to take revenge against his enemies during the Sunshot Campaign, so it would be kind of hypocritical if he opposed their punishment post-war. He does point out that people consider every Wen cultivator guilty by association just for being part of the Wen Clan, without really caring about the actual crimes they have committed, but he only rescues the cultivators from WN's branch, who he knows didn't take part in the atrocities committed by the Wen Sect.

Murdering the Wen remnants settled in the Burial Mounds was wrong even in universe because they were innocent. They hadn't killed anyone during the war and the Wen siblings' help was absolutely essential for WWX and JC when they were on the run. Without them the Jiang Sect wouldn't even exist anymore. This was a huge deal considering the importance of debts in universe and could have swayed public opinion in their favor. NMJ criticized WQ for not doing anything to actively oppose WRH during the war, but the thing is that she had. She had sheltered the Jiang Sect's heir and head disciple, the same people who contributed to the Sunshot Campaign as one of the main forces.

The problem is that no one knew about this except WWX and JC themselves. JC, who had the authority and credibility to defend what WWX had done in the prison camp, didn't show much conviction the one time he tried to speak up for him, so the other sects probably assumed he was just trying to excuse his right-hand man's inexcusable actions and that WWX had become too corrupted by his demonic cultivation and was too unpredictable and dangerous. When JC went to investigate what WWX was actually doing in the Burial Mounds, he came back saying WWX had defected from the Jiang Sect and was an enemy to the cultivation world (chapter 73), apparently confirming WWX had finally lost it because of all the resentful energies he used and was a potential threat to them all.

However, a really important thing to consider is that the cultivation world waited two years to besiege WWX. They didn't immediately charge to attack him or believe all the rumors about WWX. The sects definitely behaved like sheep, but they weren't that stupid. They knew most of the things that were said were probably exaggerated rumors, so they were just observing the situation and waiting to see what he would do. LXC, NMJ and the other cultivators who weren't in bad faith (those who weren't driven by their greed, ambition, resentment or jealousy) were all part of this general category. They had no reason to doubt JC's words, who was a fellow sect leader and WWX's close friend, and many of them had seen for themselves how threatening WWX had acted during the banquet at Koi Tower, when he said nobody could stop him if he wanted to kill someone, so they had no reason to believe WWX's reputation was being unfairly tarnished.

During the two years WWX spent in the Burial Mounds and nobody really knew what he was up to, a lot of rumors were spread about him. Some people thought he was trying to build an army of fierce corpses with their consciousness awakened like WN; others suggested he wanted to found his own sect of demonic cultivators and even took disciples, like the banners in Yiling seemed to indicate. They considered WWX a potential threat, but not enough to actually take action against him. The fact that LWJ waited months before going to check the situation in the Burial Mounds is very telling. He knew the cultivation world was at a standstill with WWX, so despite being worried for WWX he knew there wasn't any immediate danger for him. He might have been too busy with his own sect matters and going wherever the chaos was, but we've seen how LWJ behaves when he thinks WWX is in grave and immediate danger. The way he acted during the night of the bloodbath of Nightless City shows it very well: LWJ did his best to help as many people as he could, but WWX was his priority.

Of course, having only partial information doesn't excuse the sects for everything. They definitely had their faults regardless of how much they knew. They should have given WWX a chance to explain himself about the ambush at Qiongqi Path and the incident at Koi Tower instead of deciding to besiege him. They didn't even care if he was actually guilty or not of cursing Jin Zixun, or that he was the one who had been ambushed on the way to his nephew's full-month celebration. All that mattered to them was that he had lost control and killed hundreds of cultivators, including the Jin heir. They took this as proof of how dangerous and uncontrollable he was, which wasn't completely unfounded. He was dangerous when he wanted to be and he did lose control. Taking this information without all the context we as an audience are aware of - that he was only trying to repay a debt and didn't want to harm anyone, that Jin Zixun provoked him so much it was almost inevitable for him to lose control - doesn't look good at all.

Again, the sects did behave like sheep. The novel portrays WWX as the hero and his decision to rescue the Wen remnants as morally correct. Most of the cultivators who contributed to WWX's downfall were a bunch of hypocrites who couldn't see past their own self-righteousness. But characters like NMJ and LQR are portrayed as generally righteous people, so the fact that they took part in the siege proves not everyone was in bad faith. Nobody really knew why WWX had rescued the Wen remnants and his reasons for wanting to protect them, or why he had invented demonic cultivation in the first place. They just knew he did very questionable things like digging up graves during the war, that he acted arrogantly all the time and even started killing their own people. We as an audience know why he did all these things, but they didn't.

Also, after the bloodbath of Nightless City it was objectively hard to defend WWX's actions. He wasn't clear-headed at all that night and when he activated the Tiger Seal he was already in a half-unconscious state. His overall situation was too much for anyone to be able to stand it, but this doesn't mean what he did was right. The fact that he destroyed the Tiger Seal after returning to the Burial Mounds suggests not even he was proud of all the people he killed that night. WWX isn't infallible and makes mistakes because he's human like anyone else, despite being an overall heroic and selfless person. Even LWJ, who was the only one that still trusted WWX's heart and morals, couldn't really justify what he did at Nightless City. He only told LXC that no matter right or wrong, he was willing to face all the consequences with WWX anyway (chapter 99), because he understood his true nature and knew his outlook and values were the same as his own. But most people didn't know him as well as LWJ did. From the sects’ point of view, the bloodbath of Nightless City was the ultimate proof that WWX was the scourge of the cultivation world.

I'm not trying to say LXC is perfect or that he couldn't have done more, but we should take his own point of view into consideration when we judge his actions (or non-actions). LWJ didn't do much more than him during WWX's first life and what he did ultimately wasn't enough to save WWX (I don’t think it’s his fault, he was in an objectively difficult position), but the fandom doesn’t criticize him as much as they do with LXC, because after WWX came back LWJ's support for him was flawless. But LXC wasn't in love with WWX. He hadn't observed him since he was a teenager like LWJ had done because of his huge crush on him. We shouldn't underestimate the importance of debts in universe and how information in general can affect people's perceptions. Even LWJ stayed mostly still during WWX’s first life because he didn't have all the information and didn't know why WWX had left the bright broad road to start cultivating with resentful energies.

WWX is the protagonist, the hero of the story and the character whose point of view most of the novel is narrated from, so it's easy for the audience to empathize with him and understand his perspective. It's really interesting that even WWX has a good opinion of LXC and NMJ (and mostly respects LQR) despite their role in his downfall. It's not just because of his forgiving nature, since we see him criticize the hypocrisy of the sects a lot of times, but because he recognizes they were in good faith and they had their reasons for behaving like they did, despite the mistakes they might have made.

[crossdressingdeath]

1/Never saw it this way, but now that I've imagined JYL/JZX genderflipped... Yikes! JZX isn't acting out as much as he could have, really. His stance during the Soup Drama I've always seen as proof that his heart was in the right place. And yes, the only thing that JYL has to offer is an alliance to YMJ, but JC and WWX acting the way they do is a pretty big clue that this alliance may be rocky as hell in the future. If JC is all sneery as Sect Heir, he will be petty as Sect Leader too.

2/Also, it is really weird that there are no other suitors for Yanli's hand. There is something clearly going on with the Wens, so every cunning minor Sect Leader should be jumping to make an alliance with a major sect the moment JYL's hand becomes available. In fact, since she's the only daughter and WRH has an unmarried son, that would be another way to subdue the sects. Carrot and stick! Unless the no cultivation thing is this problematic. If it is, then JZX has every right to feel slighted.

Oh, absolutely. It makes sense that she doesn't get any marriage proposals while engaged to JZX (sending proposals to the Jin heir's betrothed would be a massive slight against the Jins, after all), but afterwards? When the whole arrangement had been ended with no hard feelings on either side? Yeah, everyone should've wanted a chance at marrying off a son to JYL. I will say that I'm not sure WRH does have an unmarried son; WC is married (WLJ was his wife's maid before they started their affair), but I don't remember one way or another if WX had a wife. And if WRH was planning on attacking the great sects anyway there wasn't any real point in a marriage alliance, because that would only get him an alliance that would fall apart when he attacked. But every minor sect should've been scrambling at a chance to marry a child to the daughter of a great sect! There's a fair chance that the Nies and Lans weren't interested for the same reason why JGS was totally okay with losing the betrothal (presumably the great sects all have alliances already, so they don't need a marriage), but the fact that literally no one asked for her hand or attempted to court her and there's no mention of YZY or JFM warning anyone off or JZX's disinterest doing any real damage is... interesting. I have a sneaking suspicion that the only reason why she had a betrothal to begin with was that YZY and Madam Jin were old friends, rather than because she was seen as Good Wife Material.

[robininthelabyrinth]

NMJ is in Cloud Recesses while LWJ is being punished for visiting WWX at Burial Mounds. LXC tells him what happened, and the 2 decide to go there to see with their own eyes exactly what is going on. A-Yuan has them wrapped around his little finger in .5 seconds, and NMJ is not inclined to put him down. Also, WQ takes one look at him and tells him he's deviating and he's gonna die in less than a year if it's not cured. He might just be in love.

“Your brother is being punished?” Nie Mingjue asked, more than a little surprised. “Your brother? Did we switch brothers again?”

Lan Xichen had to press his lips together to stop from laughing at the reminder of that time when they’d tried to swap the two babies (well, baby and toddler) while their elders had been distracted during a discussion conference – Nie Mingjue’s father was always complaining about how weak and low-energy his new son was, while Lan Qiren scowled about how much noise Lan Zhan made, and they’d thought it was a perfect solution to both problems. It hadn’t worked, of course, given the difference a year made for very young children, and they’d both been punished (while their elders coughed badly-suppressed laughter into their sleeves), but all in all it’d been an interesting first meeting.

“He visited the Burial Mounds without permission,” he explained. “Uncle was very upset.”

“Your uncle isn’t sect leader,” Nie Mingjue said, a little sharply. He’d had some struggles for control and respect when he became sect leader himself, given how young he’d been – at the time Lan Xichen had thought they were being ridiculous, though in retrospect he realized with a pang exactly how much of his friend’s childhood had been lost to a responsibility exceeding that of even most adults – and it remained a sensitive subject. “And merely visiting a place isn’t against your family rules…you approved the punishment, then?”

Lan Xichen hesitated, because he hadn’t. Approval wasn’t considered as necessary in the Lan sect as it was in the Nie; elders were allowed to discipline juniors without consulting the Sect Leader even when it was outside the family rules – the two of them often argued whether such a system left openings for abuse (Nie Mingjue’s position) or encouraged trust (Lan Xichen’s view). 

“Well, he went without permission,” he temporized.

Nie Mingjue snorted, seeing through the excuse at once. “He hasn’t needed to get permission to go places even before he fought in a war, Xichen,” he pointed out. “He was a very good general.”

That was very high praise, from Nie Mingjue, with particular emphasis on Lan Wangji’s reliable judgment; otherwise, he would have used different words.

“It’s the Burial Mounds,” Lan Xichen insisted, still trying to defend his uncle’s judgment. “Wei Wuxian is dangerous –”

“So is night-hunting.”

“You’re just being contrary for the sake of arguing with me,” Lan Xichen said. Nie Mingjue didn’t deny it, though he wouldn’t: it was a measure of his trust in Lan Xichen that he would break etiquette enough to casually pick a fight like this. “Fine, have it your way: I’ll put an end to the punishment now, and we’ll go ourselves to Yiling. If it’s more dangerous than night-hunting, the punishment resumes; if it’s less, it’s absolved, and I will apologize to Wangji myself. Agreed?”

“How did I get roped into this?” Nie Mingjue pretended to complain. “What business is it of mine how your Lan sect teaches its disciples…? But since you insist, I will of course accompany you.”

“Your acquiescence is appreciated – even if a less polite man than I might speculate that you just don’t want to meet with all the minor sect leaders that routinely take advantage of your visits to come by with requests.”

Nie Mingjue didn’t smile – he never did, anymore, which was a pity – but his brow wasn’t furrowed in anger for once, and that was very nearly the same.

Lan Xichen was just as inclined to avoid the inevitable pestering as Nie Mingjue, so he put his plan into action at once and headed out before his uncle could notice what was going on outside his door – not that it was a problem if his uncle objected, of course, he was the sect leader now, but still, why start trouble that could be avoided? Especially since Lan Xichen was going with Nie Mingjue, which significantly lessened the chance of danger; there was little that could stand up against the two of them together. Including Wei Wuxian’s defensive arrays, brilliant as they were, which shattered after a few gestures - after all, it wouldn’t be much of an evaluation if there was time for the Yiling Patriarch to cover things up while they were waiting for permission to enter.

Not that there seemed to be much to cover up.

The Burial Mounds weren’t anything at all like what Lan Xichen had heard, and judging by the increasingly black look on Nie Mingjue’s face, the same was true for him; the ragged collection of farmers tending to an even more ragged collection of crops was far away from the roving army of fierce corpses Wei Wuxian was reputed to be raising here.

“He’s not raising people,” Lan Xichen murmured.

“Well, one,” Nie Mingjue said. Lan Xichen turned to look, but it appeared that what Nie Mingjue was referring to was a small child, buried waist deep into the mud and beaming about it. Lan Xichen gave Nie Mingjue a look, because now was not the appropriate moment for his friend’s deeply buried sense of humor to re-emerge as if greeting the spring…great, now he was making planting jokes, even if only within his own mind. “Xichen, there are hardly any cultivators here.”

“The remnants of the Wen sect?” Lan Xichen guessed, politely ignoring the piece of spiced meat Nie Mingjue had taken out from his pocket to give to the child, who was trying to wiggle his way out of the dirt in order to demand a ride on Nie Mingjue’s shoulders. “I hadn’t realized they were quite so reduced. Rumor seems to have blown things quite out of proportion…”

“Don’t touch him!” a woman snapped, and they both turned; her clothing was faded, but still recognizable as the colors of the Wen sect, and Lan Xichen could feel the way Nie Mingjue tensed, the way Baxia, on his back, began to quiver in anticipation. “A-Yuan, come here, quick.”

“No!” the child said, clinging to Nie Mingjue’s leg. “I wanna ride!”

“I don’t give rides to radishes,” Nie Mingjue said, his eyes still fixed on the approaching woman – Wen Qing, if Lan Xichen is recalling her name correctly. A doctor, once. “Didn’t you say you were a radish?”

“I’m human! I’m human!”

“If you’re a human, you need to listen to your seniors. Get her permission first.”

“You don’t have it,” Wen Qing snapped. “Get away from him at once, A-Yuan. That man is dangerous.”

“We don’t mean any harm,” Lan Xichen interjected quickly before things went south.

“You may not,” she said. “But the one next to you is halfway down the road to a qi deviation; I wouldn’t trust him with any child, least of all one of blood that he despises.”

There was no way to salvage this, but Lan Xichen was determined to try regardless. “Lady Wen –”

“If I recall correctly, her title was Supervisory Office Leader.” Nie Mingjue’s voice was cold and biting. “In Yiling, no less. If I recall correctly, Office Leader Wen Qing refused to dirty her hands by raising a sword directly, and, valued as she was by Wen Ruohan, he did not force her. And so Yiling became a place to keep prisoners – isn’t that right?”

“I was a doctor,” she said, voice equally stiff. “I cared for all sick and injured without distinction –”

“Until they were well enough to be executed –”

“We are guests here, Mingjue-xiong,” Lan Xichen reminded him desperately. “And the war is over, and Lady Wen is a civilian now.”

“She’s still a cultivator,” Nie Mingjue said through gritted teeth. “I do not generally permit cultivators of any sect to say that I harm children; would you prefer I challenge her to defend her words against my saber? I am willing – Office Leader Wen can name the time and place. Unless she prefers to continue to hide behind the cloak of the powerful?”

This was a disaster.

“No one is fighting anyone,” Lan Xichen said firmly. “Lady Wen will apologize for the implication, said in a moment of anger and out of concern for her…for her young relative; in return, we will apologize for arriving without an invitation or forewarning, and then we will all limit ourselves to saying only polite things.”

Both of them open their mouths to protest, and he adds sharply, “Now, if you please.”

He shot Nie Mingjue a look, urging him to recall that he was here at Lan Xichen’s invitation, and his friend scowled but begrudgingly nodded his agreement. Lan Xichen turned his stare onto Wen Qing next – her lips were pressed tightly together, unwilling to yield, but after a few seconds, she finally gave in.

“The implication was wrongly said, and inappropriate,” she said begrudgingly. “Sect Leader Nie’s strict discipline and ethical code are well-known. Even in battle, I’ve never heard of you attacking children…your qi is unsettled, though.”

“That isn’t any of your business,” he said, and she shrugged.

“You’re right, it isn’t, except that you’ve challenged me as a monster when I believe myself to be a doctor,” she said, and now it was her turn to cross her arms. “My own ethical code demands that I treat any injury in those I see; if I fail to do so, then my forbearance during all those years of war will be rendered meaningless and I’d be as guilty as you say I am.”

“I’d be interested in hearing your thoughts as a doctor,” Lan Xichen said, deciding to ignore the way the two of them were still glaring daggers at each other. “I’ve read your works before; they were highly innovative.”

They both looked at him as though he was absolutely crazy, pretending that there hadn’t been a war since the last time one of Wen Qing’s medical texts had been passed around at a discussion conference, but Lan Xichen was determined to ignore the awkwardness until it passed and he smiled that determination right at the two of them until they both gave in.

“You may as well come in for lunch,” she finally said. “We don’t have much, but we’ll share it.”

“We can share our provisions as well,” Lan Xichen said. “Thank you for the invitation…is Wei Wuxian not here? I would have thought he’d have come running with all the noise we’re making.”

“No, he’s down the mountain,” Wen Qing said, rubbing at her nose and turning to lead them further into their camp – there were some tables set out, clearly made by those lacking experience in carpentry. “His shijie’s wedding is coming up soon…he’s trying to find materials for a gift.”

Lan Xichen hummed agreeably, and elbowed Nie Mingjue. His friend scowled further, but obediently picked up the line of polite conversation. Or, his view of it, anyway. “What are you planning on sending?”

Wen Qing stopped and turned to look at him. “What? Me? Why would I send anything? I don’t know her.”

Nie Mingjue looked at her in disbelief. “Your benefactor’s shijie is marrying, and you’re not sending anything? Do you want to be accepted by the cultivation world or not?”

“I don’t think a wedding present is going to be the thing that helps convince the cultivation world that we’re not all blood-sucking demons.”

“Why not?” Nie Mingjue said. “My ancestors were butchers; you think the gentlemen cultivators of the other sect, whether yours or Xichen’s, accepted them as a legitimate sect at the start? The only way to win legitimacy is to force everyone to accept you as you are.”

Wen Qing had an expression on her face that suggested she hadn’t thought of that.

“They call Wei Wuxian the Yiling Patriatch,” Lan Xichen said thoughtfully. “A patriarch should have a sect beneath him, shouldn’t he? And it’s the sect leader’s right hand’s duty to send gifts on behalf of the sect, in addition to any personal gifts sent on behalf of the sect leader himself.”

“…even if I wanted to send something on behalf of - of Yiling Wei, or whatever, we don’t have anything.”

Lan Xichen smiled. “Neither did the Cloud Recesses, during the years of war. You’re very fortunate: etiquette covers that precise situation, and suggests you reach out to another sect to borrow something. That helps bind your sects closer together as allies in the future – and before you say you don’t have anyone to ask, you have two Sect Leaders right here.”

Wen Qing appeared dumbstruck. “Would you share?”

Nie Mingjue huffed. “We’re not so poor that we can’t afford to lend out wedding gifts,” he said. “Even to a criminal. If you’re a sect, you’re a sect - this would hardly be the first sect that hosts someone I want to see dead.”

“I’m pretty sure that would be most of them,” Lan Xichen laughed. “I’ve seen you at parties.”

Maybe this wouldn’t be a complete disaster after all.

[alice-in-wonderart]

your scenarios are so cute!! could you please do one of jiang cheng having a crush on someone he thinks likes wwx (but they don’t, he’s just dense)? 💞

Shiiiiii- I absolutely LOVE this idea! It was so much fun to write and I had a blast trolling AngryPurpleMan™️. Honestly, JC living a lowkey comedy sitcom lifestyle is the quality content we all need. I present you, the most dense-tastic man on Earth learning how to emotion properly for the first time. 🙌

P.S. I hope he isn't too OOC

The Art of Jealousy

He knew better than to let his emotions get the best of him. Yet for some reason you had him in the palm of your hand. Not just him, but his heart. He had never before felt something as strong as every heartbeat around you. He would hear it in his head, feel it down his spine.

How utterly unfair life could be.

Jiang Cheng was a difficult person to deal with. It didn't take a genius to realise it. Hell, even he knew it. And he never really minded, that is until he met you. Kind and compassionate, strong and level-headed, intelligent eyes, quick wits, and frankly - a billion more qualities he had grown to...fancy, as he'd call it reluctantly. It took a war and some serious trauma on his side to realise, that maybe love wasn't a COMPLETE waste of time, and that maybe he would be allowed to experience it...not.

Jiang Cheng was a difficult person and he knew it. He also knew, that his brother Wei Wuxian was charming and funny, good-looking and of course - a ginormous flirt. He also knew people enjoyed jokes and flirting. And he was well-aware those weren't his strongest suit. But as he stayed from a distance, watching you laugh cheerfully at one of Wei Wuxian's trillions of ingenious jokes, his arm wrapped around your shoulders, he so wished he could be like that.

Of course, that you'd fall for that idiot. Who wouldn't? Although in his opinion, that would be abysmal, who was he to judge? That's right. Who was he to have a say in this? Yet he kept on wishing you'd turn to him instead, laugh with him instead, hug him instead, look for HIS company, HIS opinions. And with each longing stare your way, he'd get increasingly angry - at himself, at you and above all, at Wei Wuxian.

What he failed to notice during his bouts of rage were the longing stares you threw right back at him, and the knowing looks Wei Wuxian would give you. You'd told him a while back about your growing fondness of the Jiang sect leader and, as the great best friend he was, he'd vowed to help you win over his burning heart. In actuality, Wei Wuxian already suspected, that his brother had also harboured a certain attraction towards you, all he needed was a little bit of solid proof.

And god, you try everything. Cooking him something? He found the two of you before it was ready and got angry he wasn't invited. (though he denied that reasoning) Buying him something? He was in an exceptionally bad mood all day. (totally not because you went to the market with Wei Wuxian.) Drinking tea with him and just talking? Duty called and he had to go to work. Accompanying a night hunt? Jiang Cheng had to monitor Jin Ling and just as you were about to be attacked, Wei Wuxian (ofc) came to help. (JC just has 0 luck.) Clearly, it wasn't working out.

Currently you were in the middle of your plan to make him confess 'notice you'. Or rather, Wei Wuxian's plan. You weren't all that aware of it. And as Jiang Cheng angrily scowled at the two of you, he knew he was succeeding.

The younger brother couldn't stand it anymore. That shameful display of digusting affection made him want to carve his heart out and throw it right at you. Instead of throwing a scene, however, he decided for once to be the bigger person and *totally not in a demonstrative manner* walk away - an action both WWX and you noticed immediately.

Returning to his private study, he plopped on his chair, trying his darn hardest to stop himself from destroying his surroundings. Futile. In a sudden wave of anger, he pushed all of his scrolls and documents off his desk, letting them scatter around the room. His mind was screaming at him, but his heart was louder. He was done with wasting time on these foolish emotions. Who needed love anyways? It only makes you weaker. He wasn't about to embarrass himself with such stupid feelings.

His thoughts were interrupted, when there was a small knock on the door. "Who is it?", he asked sternly. He wanted to be alone. "It's me, Y/N." And just like that his tough act crumbled. "What do you want?"

"May I come in?"

"Yes."

Stepping inside, you were met with a clearly fuming Jiang Cheng, sitting amongst a few dozen scattered scrolls and sheets of paper. He averted his gaze away from you, as he crossed his arms.

"So? What do you want?" the harshness in his voice made your own anger rise, but no - you had it all under control.

"I think we need to talk about something important. But A-Cheng, what happened here?" you gestured to the scrolls.

"If it's that important, why don't you go ask Wei Wuxian for help? Or just go bother anybody else, but me." There it was - that childish jealousy Jiang Cheng has always had. He didn't want to sound as mean as he did, but his anger got the best of him. And deep down he knew, that he was going to regret it. But he was going to think about it later.

"Because it has nothing to do with him." You felt your voice tremble. Maybe this wasn't a good idea after all. "You know, nevermind, forget what I said.."

Jiang Cheng's heart was drowning in pain and guilt. Yet the more he felt it, the more defensive he became.

"Yeah. Now leave. I have work to do and I'm pretty sure your lover is looking for you."

What? You moved closer, standing right in front of him. "My what? Jiang Wanyin, what are you even talking about? What lover???" But then it dawned upon you. Was....was he jealous? Was he acting like that, because of jealousy?

His cheeks reddened as he finally looked at you. "As if it isn't obvious. You and Wei Wuxian spend every second together. It's so obvious it hurts, damn it. So don't play s-"

He was interrupted by you pulling him in by the robes and leaving a sweet kiss on his thin lips. You were right - he was jealous. And currently, he was so stunned he almost forgot how to breathe. Once you pulled away he nearly fell back. His face was now beat red, eyes wandering over your face, lost in the disarray that was his mind.

"A-Xian and I aren't lovers. We're friends. He was helping me try to confess...to you. You're the one I fell in love with." Suddenly you felt very small under his gaze, as you muttered the last of your confession.

And in that very moment, Jiang Cheng's entire world came crashing down like a tsunami. It was...him? Actually him? Not Wei Wuxian, not anybody else - but him? All this time?

"Wha-" He didn't know how to respond. He had yelled at you, nearly sent you away all for nothing. And suddenly realization hit him. You had just kissed him. He gathered himself as much much as possible, nerves practically wrecking him on the inside.

"If that is true, then...You idiot-" Instead of finishing his sentence, he just sighed, before pulling you in for another kiss. Wrapping an arm around your waist and burying the other in your hair, he whispered against your lips.

"Be mine."

"I already am"

"Good."

You decided, that for the time being you wouldn't mention his jealousy. After all, who'd ruin such a wonderful moment?

"You were jealous, weren't you?"

*Pterodactyl screeching in denial*

Or maybe not.

Thank you for reading~

[trensu]

You should totally write your werewolf AU with mermaids and I can continue doing dramatic slow burn sads and fandom will double benefit.

You are just full of great ideas!! Tbh, I’ve been tossing around ideas for the current wangxian werewolf au (mostly from LSZ’s perspective, like how does it feel for him to be the only human in a werewolf pack?) but i also love mermaids.

This a more lighthearted continuation of the original post that takes place not too long after LWJ finds out WWX is afraid of dogs. 

–

It comes out when they’re camping.

Why are they camping? Because LWJ is a sucker who goes weak in the knees whenever WWX bats his eyelashes at him, that’s why. LWJ had started pulling away, putting some time and distance between them, but then WWX asked him if they were still going on the camping trip we hardly get to see each other any more, he pouted. LWJ caved like–like–like a thing that caves very easily. LWJ doesn’t know, okay? He can’t think when WWX looks at him like that.

In his defense, when they originally planned the trip, LWJ was certain his family secret wouldn’t have been a secret to WWX anymore and he was going to take the opportunity to show off demonstrate, demonstrate his wolfy prowess.

But no, that can never happen now, can it?

So here they are. Camping. Well, hiking currently with the intentions of setting up camp. Somewhere. And there are mosquitoes everywhere. And LWJ cannot put on his wolf-skin. LWJ is not having a good time. The outdoors are much more fun when he’s furry and on all fours. How do humans tolerate this? he wonders as he watches WWX practically skipping up ahead, absolutely reeking of mosquito repellent. It’s disgusting. LWJ misses WWX’s natural scent.

“Lan Zhan, look! There’s a cave up ahead!!” WWX exclaimed. “We should go explore it. Maybe it has bats. Bats are so cute, don’t you think? I love their little faces and how they squeak!”

Cute?! Bats have rabies, which kills humans because humans are fragile, and WWX is very very human. But no, there he goes bounding ahead without a care in the world. If LWJ were not a werewolf, he’s sure he’d have succumbed to a stress-induced heart attack by now.

“Wei Ying, be cautious!” LWJ tells him and grits his teeth when WWX laughs it off.

“Don’t be such a fuddy-duddy, Lan Zhan. Where’s your sense of adventure?” he twirls around to aim a sunny grin at him. LWJ’s breath catches even as warmth pools in his chest. This is why he’s here, enduring the mosquitoes and smelly repellent and possibly rabid bats. Because he would do anything to keep that smile on WWX’s face.

The corner of his lips tick upward for a hint of a smile, but it seems WWX notices it anyway because his own smile grows wider. He runs back to LWJ and grabs him by the arm. He proceeds to all but drag LWJ into the cave.

“Come on, hurry up. You’re so slow,” WWX shoots him a teasing look. “Is it because your legs are shorter than mine?”

LWJ gives him a flat look and refuses to answer. WWX’s laugh rings and echoes in the cave. They slow to a more leisurely pace as they explore. The cool air in the cave is a welcome change after hiking in the sun for what felt like hours. After awhile, WWX huffs and lets himself fall to the ground dramatically.

“There’s not a bat in sight. What kind of cave doesn’t have bats in it?” he pouts.

LWJ lowers himself much more gracefully to sit next to him. The moment he does so, WWX scoots up close to him and leans his head on his shoulder with a dramatic whimper.

“I’m so disappointed. Distraught! I cannot go on,” WWX says, pressing even closer. LWJ catches a whiff of his scent under the fading smell of the repellent. “Let’s take a break here, Lan Zhan, so I can mend my broken heart.”

“Mn,” LWJ agrees mostly because he’s enjoying having WWX close. Catching his scent was dizzying in the best way.

As they sit there against the cool cave wall, LWJ feels WWX’s body slowly relax. His breath starts to slow. In a sleepy tone, he mutters into LWJ’s shoulder, “I’m glad we’re here. I’ve missed you.”

LWJ’s response (I’ve missed you too, I love you, please never leave me) sticks to the back of his teeth and refuses to come out. By the time he manages to hum in agreement, WWX had dozed off, his body limp and trusting against him.

LWJ allows himself to press his nose against the crown of WWX’s head and breathe in deep. Just for a moment, just this one time…

–

LWJ wakes to the sound of WWX hissing his name.

“Lan Zhan, wake up. There’s something in here.”

LWJ blinks his eyes open and sees WWX’s worried expression.

“I don’t know what it is but it sounds big. We need to get out,” WWX continues to whisper. LWJ smoothly goes into a crouch and motions at WWX to stay quiet. He cocks his head slightly towards where the shuffling, scraping sound was coming from. 

This was not how LWJ wanted his day to go. First mosquitoes, which are absolutely awful, and now this? Gripping WWX’s hand, he starts to slowly guide them towards the entrance of the cave. Unfortunately they did not get too far before WWX stepped on something that made a loud crunch. They look down.

“Bones? Bones? How did we miss that before?” WWX whispered somewhat hysterically, but it was mostly drowned out by a snarl coming from somewhere behind them and way too close. Immediately, LWJ shoves WWX  down the path that would lead to the mouth of the cave. He hears WWX stumble behind him but his eyes are locked on a great lumbering creature shuffling towards them from deeper within the cave.

“What the fuck is that thing?!?”

“Wei Ying.”

“I wanted to see bats. This the opposite of bats. It looks like a mutated bear, why is there a mutated bear–”

The creature – a yaoguai, possibly, LWJ thinks – meets his eyes. LWJ takes a calculated risk and flashes his gold eyes at it. Most creatures back down in the presence of a werewolf, so it’s possible they could entirely avoid a confrontation. The creature lets out a roar that leaves his ears ringing.

Well. That didn’t work. But he could still distract it. He could still keep it occupied so WWX could get away safely. He’s taken down big creatures before when they trespassed GusuLan territory.

“Wei Ying, run.”

“Yes, yes, we have to run. Why are you just standing there?!”

LWJ opened his mouth to respond, to entreat WWX to go on ahead and to trust him on this, but the creature was now running towards them and there was no time. Which was okay, really, because that meant he couldn’t dwell on the fact that this was probably the last time WWX will ever want to be near him.

Between one breath and the next, LWJ slipped into his fur and launched himself at the creature.

--

LWJ all but collapses on his side, great heaving pants whistling past his fangs. Whatever that creature was, it had tasted awful. His injuries were starting to stitch together, but that did nothing to remove the grime from his usually pristine white coat. His ears twitch back, catching the sound of someone shifting behind him. His tail wagged weakly when he realized who it was.

Wei Ying, Wei Ying is here!

But Wei Ying is scared of dogs

LWJ curled in on himself with a soft whine. Before he could get too distressed (emotions were simpler in his wolf form but they also felt much much bigger), WWX appeared in front of him. WWX was crouched in front of him and his hands were smoothing down the scruff of his neck, checking for injuries.

“Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, that was terrifying and so cool, and I’m grateful you saved my life,” WWX let out a put-upon sigh.  His hands were now rubbing down his side. “But, you just lost me so much money. I’m poor, Lan Zhan! I can’t afford to lose money!”

LWJ blinked at him. WWX liked to ramble but usually LWJ can follow his train of thought. This? This made no sense...on the other hand, he did get walloped on the head a bit during that fight. WWX must have sensed his confusion somehow.

“I thought you were fey!!” WWX exclaimed. “You were just too pretty to be human, you know? Like Xiao Xingchen. He’s beautiful and he’s fey.”

LWJ squashed down the urge to immediately go hunt down this XXC person and tear into him. The adrenaline was addling his mind, obviously, since such thoughts of violence are unbecoming of GusuLan wolves. Wait, did WWX just call him pretty...?

“But Jiang Cheng said you weren’t that good looking! I couldn’t let him slander you like that! I had to defend your honor!! So I bet him you were fey and now I owe him a ton of money,” as WWX rambled, his hands wander, aimless now that he’d seen all the wounds had healed. They brush against his belly and his tail wags involuntarily.

WWX definitely notices, if the devious grin was anything to go by. Suddenly LWJ was getting the belly rub of his life. His tail wagged frenetically because everything was perfect. LWJ just took down a huge kill in front of WWX and he was impressed, and now WWX was laughing and petting him.

“Wow, you’re much more expressive as a wolf than in your human skin.”

And there popped his happy bubble. LWJ scrambled onto all fours and skittered away because WWX is scared of dogs, WWX will hate him. LWJ switched out of his wolf-skin so fast it nearly gave him whiplash.

WWX frowned. “Is it safe for you to change back so soon? Your wounds just barely finished healing.”

LWJ was confused. “You’re...not scared?”

“The bear-thing’s dead, what’s there to be scared of?” WWX’s brow was furrowed in the most adorable way. LWJ shook away the thought. He can’t get distracted. He had to focus and use his words, as LXC was constantly reminding him.

“...dogs?”

With a yelp, LWJ suddenly had a scared WWX  clutching the back of his shirt.

“There’s a dog?? WHERE? Lan Zhan, scare it away!!”

LWJ shook his head. Words, words, he needed to use words. Why was communication so much harder in human form?

“No dogs. Me.”

WWX’s frantic grasping stilled before flipping LWJ around to face him. He looked furious.

“Lan Zhan, who called you a dog? I will beat them up right now. You’re not a dog, Lan Zhan. Dogs are mindless mean animals that bite for no reason. Werewolves are people.”

“Oh.”

There’s a moment of silence as LWJ absorbs the impact of WWX’s words. Relief courses through him as he realizes that WWX is not afraid of him. Not one bit. Werewolves are people. He knew he could trust WWX with his secret. 

Then he processes the rest of the conversation and frowns.

“Wei Ying, how do you know about the fey? And werewolves?” It didn’t make sense. Humans don’t know about these things. And their senses are not sharp enough to perceive most of their kind. WWX gives him an odd look.

“Lan Zhan, I was adopted by the Jiang family.”

LWJ blinks. He knows this already. What did that have to do with anything?

“...you know the Jiangs are merfolk, right?”

No, LWJ did not know that.

“You didn’t catch the fish smell? Nie Huaisang says my siblings smell like fish all the time. How did you miss that?” WWX laughs. LWJ felt his ears go warm.

“I was distracted.”

“By what? Nie Huaisang made it sound like it’s completely overpowering!”

“Your scent.”

“Aww, Lan Zhan, are you saying I smell better than fish? You flatterer,” WWX laughs again.

Like his scent is a joke. Like barely rates higher than fish when his scent is all LWJ can think about some days. Well, that’s enough of that. LWJ has had a long, stressful day full of mosquitoes, monster fights, and world-breaking revelations, and even he has his limits.

LWJ grasps the back of WWX’s neck and brings him in close. LWJ’s nose trails along WWX’s neck, taking a lungful of that wonderful, delicious scent. As he breathes in, he smells a thread of arousal seeping into WWX’s scent.

“Lan Zhan,” WWX squeaks. LWJ can hear his heart quicken.

“Wei Ying smells better than fish,” he responds, thrilling as his lips just barely brush against WWX’s racing pulse-point. He feels and hears WWX’s gasp. He brushes his face along the crook of WWX’s neck once more before taking a full step back.

He takes a moment to admire WWX’s stunned, dreamy expression before turning on his heel and marching out of the cave. He’s had a long day and his restraint is in tatters (at least i didn’t lick him, he thinks guiltily as his actions catch up to him, that counts for something, doesn’t it?). He needed a nap or  drink of water or something.

Behind him, WWX snaps out of his daze.

“W-Wait, what does that mean? I don’t smell like fish? Lan Zhan, wait for me! What do I smell like? LAN ZHAN.”

Huh.

It was kind of nice having WWX chase after him for a change.

[stiltonbasket]

Helloo! I loved the chengqing posts you reblogged, and would love to hear any thoughts you have on them. Are there any AUs that you have in your mind where they’re happy? Or any angsty headcanons abt who they were (and weren’t, and couldn’t be) to each other in canon?

Oh, I have tons of thoughts about AUs where they could have been happy :( like if JC had promised to help find Wen Ning when he could spare resources for things that weren’t a) fighting for his and his sect’s survival or b) finding Wei Wuxian, everything could have been fine, or if JC offered the Wens sanctuary at Lotus Pier (look, Yiling is really close to Yunmeng and the Wens could have easily been integrated as civilians. Hiding Wen Ning and Wen Qing would have taken some effort, but would anyone have recognized Granny or Uncle Four? Not a chance). If Jiang Cheng had backed Wei Wuxian when he showed up at the banquet looking for Wen Ning, and said that Wen Ning and Wen Qing sheltered us from Wen Chao when the Wen sect was still very much at an advantage, I owe them a debt, the Lan and Nie sects would have supported him too--everyone could have been okay, and Jiang Cheng and Wen Qing could have been everything to each other.

But with Jiang Cheng’s canon actions, it felt like he wanted to stay on Lanling Jin’s good side specifically; we see Lan Xichen telling the Jins that the Wen prisoners should be fairly tried, and that anyone who wasn’t involved with the war should be released. Nie Mingjue agrees with him, if a bit reluctantly, which means that whole rivers-of-blood torture/execution scene occurs without either of them knowing. Even the Jins chasing unarmed women and children into the forest happens without anyone knowing, except for WWX and LWJ who witnessed it and just...never told anyone about it? More on that later...

And as for how JC could have feelings for Wen Qing and still, uh, have the utter gall to feel bad about having the comb returned when he just took his sword out to kill Wen Ning five seconds ago? Jiang Cheng. Jiang Cheng why. I don’t understand, Jiang Cheng. It gets even worse when you remember that he met the Dafan Wens earlier in the series. He knows they’re harmless, and he still calls them useless and shouts at baby A-Yuan not to touch him, right in front of WQ--and he still stares sadly at the comb after she gives it back? Jc bro I love you i swear but just. Why

In my AU, though, JC wanted to do something to help the Wens; the problem is that he decided it could wait until the Jiang sect was fully recovered from the Sunshot Campaign. He told himself that WWX and Wen Qing would be fine in the Burial Mounds for a year or two, because he would help eventually, just when it was safer--possibly when he could count on some Jin support through Jin Zixuan, aka the beautiful airhead who had no clue what was going on at any given point of time but would have done anything for Jiang Yanli. Jiang Cheng even planned to bring up the subject with JZX at the full month ceremony, since WWX was expected to be there too, and he knew JGS would have a hard time challenging the testimony of his legitimate heir--but then the ambush happened, and JGS offered a pardon for WWX in exchange for Wen Qing and Wen Ning. 

It hasn’t been covered in TMAAF yet, but when Jiang Cheng heard about the exchange pardon, he went straight to JGS and begged on his literal knees for Wen Qing’s life. He had no grounds to ask for mercy on Wen Ning’s behalf, but he explained that Wen Qing took him in and nursed him back to health at great risk to herself, and pleaded with Jin Guangshan until he agreed to spare her. 

But what JC wasn’t expecting (and what WWX wasn’t expecting, either) was that the rest of the Dafan Wens would turn themselves in, too. JC couldn’t risk going to the Burial Mounds to see what was going on, but he hoped WWX might anticipate an attack and come to Lotus Pier for safety with A-Yuan, so he returned to Yunmeng to strengthen his protective wards against a possible assault from Lanling--and by the time he made it back to the Nightless City, Wen Qing was dead, despite Jin Guangshan’s promise to spare her life. Jiang Cheng only found out when her ashes were poured out in front of him, since he had already been to the hanging ground and didn’t find her there. 

In the present time, Jiang Cheng is still mourning Wen Qing, and the choices he made that contributed to her murder. Sixteen relatively conflict-free years gave him a lot of perspective; in TMAAF, he’s grappling with the fact that he took sixteen years away from his brother’s life, and that Lan Wangji’s disdain for him is 100% founded. He has to deal with the fact that Wen Qing suffered because she protected him, and then died for it because he didn’t lift a finger to help until it was already too late; and he knows about Sizhui, too, so the knowledge that he did nothing to protect Wen Yuan while Lan Wangji fought two clans to protect him and took 33 lashes on his back for punishment cuts deep. Jiang Cheng’s statement in chapter 7 of Twelve Moons--that he doesn’t deserve love--is rooted in his belated realization that he cared for both WWX and WQ but didn’t follow through in a way that mattered, and that his failure killed them. 

(Stay tuned for more angst, aka the reveal of how WQ actually died and why.)

[vespertineflora]

okay y’all it’s time for a sad one (though it ends happy, promise). decided to write up my take on what might have happened after lwj whisked wwx away the night after the massacre at Nightless City

Rating: Teen for some violent descriptions/heavy emotions Summary:  Wei Wuxian hadn’t been lying the night he’d told Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji that he didn’t remember the days after the massacre at Nightless City, but his memory had always been awful, so he hadn't given much thought to just how many pieces of his memory were missing. Since his reincarnation, memories from his past life have been coming back to him bit by bit, and he doesn't seem to have much control over it--but if he did, he would have chosen to never remember what happened those days in that cave in Yiling.  (6.5k, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Post-canon with recovered memories from Yiling)

~~~

Wei Wuxian hadn’t been lying the night he’d told Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji that he didn’t remember the days after the massacre at Nightless City.

He remembered the killing, at least in bits and pieces. He remembered the rage he’d felt, the despair, he remembered not caring if he made it away from that place alive--he remembered not caring if anyone else made it away from that place alive either, because a world cruel enough to allow his gentle, loving sister to be killed so swiftly, so brutally wasn’t a world that deserved to exist anymore. Afterwards, his... memories were mostly blank for hours or... days, he hadn’t been sure. The only other thing he could remember from that time was coming to in the Burial Mounds and knowing that it was all over, that it would just be a matter of time before they came for him. The last thought he could distinctly remember was knowing he had to destroy the Stygian Tiger Amulet. He’d known there was no hope for him, no miraculous escape, no talking his way out of a desperate situation as he’d done in the past. He was going to die, and the least he could do to minimize the suffering of the world before he left it was to destroy the amulet so that no one else could ever use its powers the way he had.

He died from the force it took to destroy just half of it, the blowback of resentful energy ripping his body and his soul to shreds in mere seconds.

Whether it was the grief of losing his sister, the madness brought on by the overwhelming resentful energy, some retroactive effect of dying, psychic trauma from having his soul torn asunder, or some combination of two or more of the above, he couldn’t say for sure, but he knew with utter certainty on the night Lan Xichen had revealed the source of Lan Wangji’s scars that those days of Lan Wangji coming to his rescue and staying by his side in that cave weren’t memories he had access to. Whether or not the memories existed in his head at all was another matter, but he knew for sure he’d had no idea of what Lan Wangji had done for him, what he’d sacrificed for him, not until Lan Xichen had revealed the truth to him.

In the weeks and months after that trying night of intrigue and confessions, the night that somehow, against all odds, managed to have a happy ending, Wei Wuxian remained just as blissfully unaware of it. 

Of course, it was more than just those last few days he hadn’t remembered upon his return to the mortal plane, but... Wei Wuxian’s memory had always been awful, even before his soul had been shattered and reconstructed in a new body, so he hadn’t given much thought to all the things missing, the things that came back to him as the days and weeks passed. Remembering the soft lullaby Lan Wangji had sung for him that feverish day in the cave, for instance; memories of the sweet young face of the boy who’d been as good as his own child in Yiling, of having his first kiss breathlessly stolen while pinned up against a tree, of sneaking lotus seeds with his Jiang Sect classmates and being beat by angry lake owners, of arranging a ghoulish welcoming committee to toss flowers at Lan Wangji upon his first trip to Lotus Pier... They were all memories that had returned to him, bit by bit over those first few months, and it wasn’t as if solving the mystery of Nie Mingjue’s murder had suddenly put a stop to it.

Sometimes eating a certain food, or having a certain conversation brought a memory back, sometimes there seemed to be no trigger at all. Some memories he welcomed, while others he wished had just stayed gone... He didn’t seem to have any control over it, either way, and despite the dark cloud that had loomed over him for more of his life than he’d cared to think about, there was surprisingly more good than bad.

Given the choice, he would have let the days after Nightless City remain a blur for the rest of his life, but apparently fate had different plans for him.

He’d fallen asleep that night, much as he did most nights any more, curled up against Lan Wangji’s chest on the single bed in the small inn room they shared in any one of any number of cities and towns their travels brought them to, but the dream that welcomed him into slumber that night was anything but typical.

It started with the smell of blood.

Some of it was stale, years old, dry and rotted, adorning the skin and the clothes of the men buried beneath the dirt of Nightless City. It wasn’t a smell that bothered Wei Wuxian, but it was one he was sensitive to, a smell that his life as the Yiling Patriarch had been permanently tainted with ever since the night he’d been dumped carelessly into the Yiling Burial Mounds and left for dead. 

It didn’t take long at all though for the smell of fresh blood, bright and sharp and coppery, to overtake it, to splatter the grounds they stood on as the corpses in his control overtook the living, maiming and murdering as many as they could in their efforts, and in Wei Wuxian’s madness.

He didn’t get through it unharmed, couldn’t avoid every attack aimed at him, couldn't stop every sword thrust in his direction, on top of which the effort drained him, the resentful energy and trauma taking hold of him and ripping him apart bit by bit until he could barely stand on his own, until nearly every cultivator there was dead or dying or at least fallen, and Wei Wuxian’s bloodlust had been satisfied. He’d let the corpses in his control resume their slumber, and he’d staggered down the stairs of Nightless City, not altogether sure where he was planning to go.

That was the extent of what he’d held in his mind before, but tonight... tonight, as he barely held himself up on his two feet, as he walked away from the bloodshed in a daze... tonight, his mind stayed conscious.

When a pair of strong arms suddenly grabbed him, his heart lept into his throat, and his first thought was I’m dead. I turned my back too soon, and this person is going to take their revenge on me.

His second thought was, I’m so tired. I’m too tired to keep fighting.

And his third thought was, I deserve it anyway.

He gave in. He didn’t fight the arms that came around him, and he accepted the death that was surely swift approaching. He closed his eyes, not even caring who it was that would take his life, so long as it was over quickly.

But there was no violent blow. He heard a sword being drawn from its sheath, and he prepared for the blade to strike him, hack away at him, pierce him, gut him, anything, until he was sick with the anticipation of it. Nothing came. Nothing touched him but a pair of strong arms, that... that suddenly pulled him onto a broad back, before they were off the ground, the sword taking off with only a slight wobble before mostly steadying itself in the air.

When he opened his eyes, he couldn’t see who it was holding him, beyond the long, dark hair in his face and the white of the GusuLan sect robes, all Wei Wuxian could see was the passage of the lands far beneath their feet as they moved through the air.

He didn’t know what was happening. The edges of his brain were going dark and he was too exhausted and too distraught to keep awake any longer. He let his eyes close, accepting whatever fate befell him.

Before he passed out, the last thing he became aware of was the faint smell of sandalwood.

When he next awoke, Wei Wuxian was being cradled gently in another’s arms. He could tell just by the pervasive smell of death on the air that they were in the Burial Mounds somewhere, but as his eyes opened and adjusted to the light, he couldn’t tell where. They were in a shallow cave, maybe ten meters back from the opening of it, the greyish light of the mountain’s sky filtering inside. His head was pounding, his whole body ached, and his brain protested the idea of being awake, of being alive. 

He should be dead. He wanted to be dead.

His beloved shijie was dead because of him. He deserved to be dead.

But the strong arms of whoever was holding him seemed to disagree. A faint light caught Wei Wuxian’s eyes after just a second and he noticed the hand that was cupped over his own, noticed the faint glow of blue-white light that radiated from this hand to his own, the sign of spiritual energy being bestowed to him.

Overcome with distress, he tugged his hand away, twisting in the careful grip of the person holding him, to see who would do such a thing, to see who the fuck would care so much, to see who could possibly want to save someone like him, when he was already so far beyond saving.

His heart stopped as his eyes took in the disheveled and dirty robes that should have been pristine and perfect, flecked with blood that could have been anyone’s and the tired, but determined face of Lan Wangji.

“Lan Zhan,” he rasped, his throat burning to say the name, to say anything as his heart clawed its way up into his throat. What was he doing here? He’d... he’d been at Nightless City, Wei Wuxian remembered that much, but after watching Yanli get stabbed, all his thoughts had gone dark and blurry and he didn’t know what had happened to Lan Wangji after that, until...

Until now. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji replied, his own voice just as rough. The look in his pale eyes was dark, dismal, desperate and made Wei Wuxian’s heart ache all the more.

What the fuck was he doing here? Why had he... why had he taken Wei Wuxian away? Why was he trying to save him when... when there just wasn’t a point any more?

Lan Wangji tried to reach for his hand again, clearly wanting to resume the transfer of spiritual energy, but Wei Wuxian twisted further, trying to get out of his grip, because he didn’t deserve this, didn’t deserve anything from Lan Wangji, didn’t deserve to be saved--but his rising heart rate made his vision darken around the edges, and before he could move than a few inches away, he passed out again.

On his next return to consciousness, he was no longer in Lan Wangji’s arms, no longer propped against his chest. Lan Wangji must have settled him against the rock wall of the cave, because Wei Wuxian only felt cold hard stone against his back--and that alone almost relieved him until he realized that his hand was still being held, was being kept warm as Lan Wangji continued to feed him spiritual energy through it.

He tried to tug his hand away, but Lan Wangji reflexively held on tighter, and Wei Wuxian didn’t have the energy to resist his strong grip. 

“Wei Ying.”

Lan Wangji said his name like a prayer to any god who might hear it, like an oath, and if Wei Wuxian’s heart hadn’t already been shattered into a thousand tiny shards back on the grounds of Nightless City, it might have shattered all over again. Lan Wangji shouldn’t be saying his name like that. No one should, but especially not Lan Wangji.

“You shouldn't be here,” Wei Wuxian croaked, making another weak attempt to tug his hand away.

The words darkened the anguish in Lan Wangji’s eyes, and that hurt Wei Wuxian as much as anything. Lan Wangji shouldn’t be looking at him like that. The last time they’d parted... It was after they shared a meal together with A-Yuan (oh little A-Yuan what would happen to him now?), after Wen Ning’s consciousness returned (though Wen Ning was nothing more than scattered ashes now), he and Lan Wangji had parted on friendly terms, as friendly as they had ever parted ways, but what was that supposed to mean? Why the fuck was Lan Wangji here right now, and not back with the rest of his clan, with his brother, at Nightless City?

Lan Wangji’s hand just held his own tighter, as if it was all he was capable of, as if it was all he knew how to do. “Your wounds aren’t too serious,” he said, his voice trembling in a way Wei Wuxian had never heard before. Not even in that cave in Qishan, with his home burned to ashes and his family all injured, missing, or dead had Wei Wuxian ever heard Lan Wangji in such clear distress. “I should be able to heal them in just a few days.”

“Don’t,” Wei Wuxian replied, sure of his answer, but perplexed as to why he had to say it. He felt so weak he could barely speak above a whisper, but he had to say it, “Don’t waste your energy on me. Just go.”

Lan Wangji was clearly injured himself, he was discernibly exhausted, so exhausted that Wei Wuxian could remember how Bichen had wavered in the air on the way here, and for all the times he’d seen Lan Wangji fly, he’d never wavered like that before. Lan Wangji needed every bit of energy he had left for himself.

“You’ll be alright,” Lan Wangji said, as if he was reassuring himself as much as he was reassuring Wei Wuxian. “I’ll keep you safe.”

“Don’t,” Wei Wuxian repeated, uselessly tugging at his hand again, and trying again, harsher, “Let me go!” 

His eyes stung, and as his heart started to throb, his vision started to dim again.

“I’m here. Just rest,” was the last soft thing he heard before slipping beneath the surface once more.

His consciousness faded in and out a few more times after that, each time Lan Wangji hovering over or beside him in a different position, but each time just as steadfast in his stubborn delivery of spiritual energy, no matter how little he could spare at a time, even if all he could manage was the tiniest trickle, he wouldn’t stop, and Wei Wuxian wasn’t strong enough to make him.

At some points, hours or days later, Wei Wuxian managed to croak, tormented by the question, “Why?”

And Lan Wangji went silent for a long moment, his head hanging so that Wei Wuxian couldn’t see his face, his body so tightly wound that Wei Wuxian could feel the shaking in the hand that clung so desperately to his own, the flow of spiritual energy tapering off for the moment.

“I can’t lose you.”

The words were so small, so soft that Wei Wuxian wasn’t quite sure he’d heard them at all, was sure he’d heard wrong.

Then suddenly Lan Wangji... lurched forward, seeming as if he were going to collapse--but what he did instead was lean into Wei Wuxian, his forehead resting against Wei Wuxian’s shoulder. It was hardly any contact at all, but from Lan Wangji, who had touched him so rarely, and whose touch had only ever been for practical purposes, it was enough to make Wei Wuxian’s heart clench painfully in his chest. 

“I can’t lose you,” Lan Wangji repeated, his voice no more steady, but louder now, so that Wei Wuxian couldn’t doubt what he’d said. “I can’t let you die, I...”

Wei Wuxian could hardly swallow, could hardly breathe. He’d never heard Lan Wangji like this, never, had never heard him so desperate and pleading, so beaten down by whatever emotions were waging a war inside of him, and Wei Wuxian regretted the question, regretted needing to know, because whatever answer Lan Wangji had for him wasn’t going to be anything he could handle hearing.

“I... love you.”

The words dripped from Lan Wangji’s lips and Wei Wuxian’s insides twisted, somehow feeling both like a solid lump of iron and churning molten rock all at once. He was going to be sick.

“I love you, Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji said again, voice low and tense, his hand trembling harder against Wei Wuxian’s. “I’ll heal you,” he continued so softly that Wei Wuxian had to strain to listen, “I’ll take you back to Gusu. You can hide there and we’ll.... We’ll figure something out, we--”

“No!” Wei Wuxian snapped. What was Lan Wangji saying? What was he saying? He loved him? He shouldn’t love him, no one should love him--his sister loved him, and look what happened to her! Look at the tragedy he’d left behind for Jiang Cheng, and for his orphaned infant nephew! The dregs of the Wen clan he saved, they loved him, cared for him, and they were as good as dead now, Jiang Fengmian had loved him, his parents had loved him, and they were all gone, gone, gone, GONE.

Lan Wangji couldn’t love him. He shouldn’t love him. Wei Wuxian couldn’t let Lan Wangji love him. 

Wei Wuxian was a dead man. Lan Wangji was in love with a dead man.

It was pointless. It was all pointless. Wei Wuxian knew what he did, he knew what crimes he’d committed. Perhaps he was safe for now, for this moment, but Wei Wuxian knew in his heart he was living on borrowed time--no, no, he’d been living on borrowed time for years now, he was out of that, he’d run out of that the moment Wen Ning’s hand had pierced Jin Zixuan’s chest and ripped out his beating heart. This was worse, this... this was stolen time. Every minute he continued to live now was a minute he was stealing from Lan Wangji, a minute he was ripping right away from whatever life Lan Wangji should go on living without him.

The clan leaders would regroup. They would come for him. It didn’t matter where he was, it didn’t matter if he tried to run or hide. His crimes were unforgivable. They wouldn’t forgive him, they wouldn’t forget, they’d hunt him down to the ends of the earth, and if Lan Wangji were by his side when they found him...

If Lan Wangji were by his side, they’d hunt him down too.

Wei Wuxian didn’t... he didn’t know how to respond. He didn’t know how he felt to give Lan Wangji any answer in return, but he wasn’t going to bother to think about it, because it didn’t fucking matter. Nothing mattered, he was dead. There wasn’t a single fucking outcome of this where Wei Wuxian would get through it alive, he’d never been more sure of anything in his entire fucking life, he was dead, dead dead dead dead.

But Lan Wangji wasn’t dead. Lan Wangji wasn’t condemned to die with him just yet. And if Wei Wuxian could do anything, could accomplish any goal with the last miserable dregs of his life, he had to at least do this. Lan Wangji couldn’t die with him, shouldn’t die with him. Even if he couldn’t understand how Lan Wangji could be saying this, how he could feel this way about him, it didn’t matter. Wei Wuxian didn’t need to understand. 

He just needed to make Lan Wangji leave, before they were discovered, before Lan Wangji was in harm’s way.

Wei Wuxian had already hurt so many, taken so many lives with him. How could he possibly let this happen to Lan Wangji too? Lan Wangji was the only person left, the only person he cared about who had a chance to make it out of this alive, and Wei Wuxian couldn’t be the reason he didn’t.

At his outburst, Lan Wangji had gone rigid, frozen against him, and Wei Wuxian had to harden his heart, or whatever was left of it. He couldn’t think about what was going through Lan Wangji’s mind. If he thought telling Lan Wangji whatever he wanted to hear would save his life, Wei Wuxian would do it in a heartbeat, whether or not it was true, he wished he could soothe Lan Wangji’s heart, wished he could give him what he wanted, what someone as good as Lan Wangji deserved, but it wasn’t an option. 

“Leave,” Wei Wuxian said sharply, sounding as resolved as he could. 

If he gave Lan Wangji whatever he wanted, maybe it would soothe him for now... but he would die.

Wei Wuxian would much rather see Lan Wangji live with a broken heart. A broken heart could mend, could love again, but there was no repair if Lan Wangji died with him, and Wei Wuxian couldn’t do that, couldn’t have that weighing on his soul alongside everything else.

Lan Wangji raised his head, and Wei Wuxian didn’t want to look, but he forced himself to. For all the pain on Lan Wangji’s face, Wei Wuxian might as well have taken a knife and stabbed Lan Wangji right through the heart, and his resolve nearly gave out to put so much pain there, to hurt his dear friend so deeply.

Hurt was better than dead, Wei Wuxian told himself, as he tried to harden his expression, repeating, louder, “Get lost!”

Lan Wangji flinched, the knife twisting in his chest, but he didn’t get up, he didn’t go. His pale gaze stared Wei Wuxian down for a long moment, and Wei Wuxian could barely stand the look in his eyes, the moisture there, the redness that clearly meant he’d already shed tears. 

“Go away,” Wei Wuxian said again, his voice faltering, even though he was trying to stay firm. “Get the fuck away from me.”

Lan Wangji seemed frozen for another minute--and when he moved, Wei Wuxian almost felt relief, was almost sure it had worked, almost sure he was about to leave...

But all Lan Wangji did was adjust his sitting position slightly, and with trembling hands, he reached for Wei Wuxian’s again... and started to pass him spiritual energy once more.

“Stop!” Wei Wuxian said, wishing he had more energy to fight, wishing he had the strength to get up, kick Lan Wangji away from him, run from him, separate them however he needed to. Even if he could knock Lan Wangji unconscious and run back to Nightless City, turn himself in, let Jiang Cheng run him through with his sword for all the world to see, he would, he’d do anything as long as it would save Lan Wangji from the same fate.

He’d do anything.

But he couldn’t do anything.

He couldn’t pull his hand from Lan Wangji’s grip. He couldn’t stop the frustrated tears bubbling up in his eyes. All he could do was sit here in this fucking cave and watch Lan Wangji condemn himself to death.

“Get out of here,” he said again, his expression twisting, his heart aching, “Lan Wangji, GO!”

Lan Wangji didn’t even flinch this time, his own expression hardening into something more neutral, as the spiritual energy kept flowing, kept flowing.

And before Wei Wuxian could say anything else, he’d passed out again.

The rest of the time was still a blur. Lan Wangji was by his side each time he woke up, diligently healing him, and every time Wei Wuxian’s heart wrenched, and he tried, tried so hard to push Lan Wangji away, to say anything he could to get him to safety--delirious with grief and guilt the minutes and hours truly did blend together, in his deep haze he was left to just softly curse, “get lost,” over and over, his exhausted mind stuck on the words Lan Wangji had once shouted at him that afternoon in the library, just wishing, wishing, wishing, he would go.

He didn’t.

Instead, he sat steadfastly beside him, occasionally offering sweetly whispered platitudes and reassurances. He spoke of Gusu, of safety, of keeping Wei Wuxian alive, of a life that Wei Wuxian would have given anything for, but knew he’d never see, and each word weighed more heavily on Wei Wuxian’s heart than the last. Each one rang in his ears as a painful lie, but he had the impression that the lie was the only thing keeping Lan Wangji’s heart in one piece.

When Wei Wuxian heard the clamor at the entrance of the cave, his heart sunk so deep into the pit of his stomach that he let out an involuntary sob. He was mostly sprawled on the floor of the cave by that point, Lan Wangji between him and the entrance, and he couldn’t see who it was that had come--he closed his eyes tight, held back tears, because he couldn’t stand to watch a sword pierce through the chest of another person whose only crime was loving him.

But that moment never came. 

Wei Wuxian heard Lan Xichen’s voice and felt some sort of relief for Lan Wangji’s safety, because he knew in his heart how deeply Xichen loved his brother. He knew Xichen wouldn’t just let Lan Wangji be killed no matter what had happened or what Lan Wangji had done. Wei Wuxian was conscious just long enough then to hear an exchange of voices and the clash of swords, before he was out again.

The next time he woke up, he was alone, and there was only one thing left he needed to do before he died: destroy the Stygian Tiger Amulet.

But just as he was using every ounce of strength he had left to force himself up, to find the separated halves of the amulet, he was distracted by the soft call of his name.

“Wei Ying.” The voice was gentle, worried, and the dream world shifted a bit as the warm whisper near his ear coaxed him back into true consciousness. “Wei Ying, wake up.”

A gentle, familiar, calloused hand was touching his face, stroking his cheek, then he felt a pair of soft warm lips press to his temple.

His eyes opened, and he wasn’t in a cave in Yiling, he wasn’t weak from committing a massacre, he wasn’t being hunted down or fearing for his life.

But Lan Wangji was there, which was one thing Wei Wuxian was glad hadn’t changed.

Silver moonlight poured in through the window near the bed, casting the concerned look on Lan Wangji’s face in a faint blue glow. He was... wiping tears from Wei Wuxian’s cheeks, Wei Wuxian suddenly noticing the wetness on his face and clinging heavily to his eyelashes. 

This wasn’t his first nightmare, or the first time Lan Wangji had woken him up with tears on his face, but Wei Wuxian wasn’t sure his heart had ever ached so much even after waking. Seeing Lan Wangji’s face now, soft and fretful over whatever had tormented his husband’s dreams, called back Lan Wangji’s face in the dream, the misery, the grief, the fruitless determination to save someone who was already dead...

Wei Wuxian’s eyes welled with tears again, and before he could help himself, he threw his arms around Lan Wangji, burying his tear stained face in the crook of Lan Wangji’s neck, holding him tight and trying to keep himself from trembling.

Lan Wangji’s arm slid easily behind his back, his hold on Wei Wuxian firm and grounding as he pressed his mouth to the side of Wei Wuxian’s head. “I’m here,” he reassured softly, though the words, the same comfort Lan Wangji had tried to give him in the dream, the memory just made him let out a choked sob.

“What is it?” Lan Wangji asked gently, his thumb rubbing gently over Wei Wuxian’s back, “Was it about your shijie?”

It wasn’t a bad guess. Those were the dreams that tormented Wei Wuxian most frequently, most suddenly. His memories of Yanli were so often twisted in dreams, haunted by the sight of the blade plunging through her chest, that even the normal, happy moments that played in his dreams could turn sour in a blink of the eye; one minute she was feeding him, dancing with him, teasing him, and the next there was a sword in her chest, and she was bleeding, collapsing, dead. Sometimes the sword came from behind, as it had been that day. Sometimes... the sword was in Wei Wuxian’s hand.

Those dreams were often the hardest.

But Wei Wuxian shook his head, and held onto Lan Wangji tighter. He... hated needing this, needing to be comforted. His burdens had always been his to bear, no one else’s, and even now that Lan Wangji was by his side and they lived their lives as one, it was hard to accept that Lan Wangji wanted to bear his burdens with him. He had stopped trying to fight that long ago, but some days he didn’t feel like he deserved it.

Lan Wangji was quiet and patient. He held Wei Wuxian close to him, comforting him with soft touches and gentle kisses, and waited until he could tell that Wei Wuxian’s trembling had settled, before he asked again, “What happened?”

Wei Wuxian felt... torn. The memory had been a painful one for him, but surely... oh, it had to have been even more painful for Lan Wangji. Just remembering the look on his face back then, remembering his own callous replies even though he’d been trying to do what he believed had been best...

But he wasn’t going to lie to Lan Wangji, and he didn’t want to hide it. He mumbled softly against Lan Wangji’s skin, “I remembered something.”

Lan Wangji nodded in understanding beside Wei Wuxian’s head. “Remembered what?” 

“The... days in Yiling, after what happened at Nightless City,” Wei Wuxian admitted quietly.

Lan Wangji’s body immediately tensed and Wei Wuxian felt a pang of guilt for having the nerve to say it. He held onto Lan Wangji even tighter, his eyes stinging again.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. He’d hurt Lan Wangji so deeply. He hadn’t wanted to, he’d wanted to save him by breaking his heart and making him leave, and it hadn’t worked anyway, and Lan Wangji had spent so much time loving him and having to hear what must have sounded only like a rejection back then.

“I’m so sorry, Lan Zhan,” he rasped against Lan Wangji’s skin. “I... back then, I... I didn’t want you to get hurt. I didn’t want to hurt you, I just... I was trying to make you leave because if anyone else had seen you helping me, they... they would have killed you and me both. I couldn’t let you die because of me and I thought I could... push you away, if I just pushed hard enough.”

Hearing the explanation, Wei Wuxian felt Lan Wangji’s body relaxing a bit again, and Wei Wuxian could only hope the explanation could provide some comfort, even if it was only a minuscule amount. 

His grip on Lan Wangji loosened and he let his head rest back against the pillow, creating enough distance between them so that he could meet Lan Wangji’s gaze, aiming a sorrowful look up at the equally heavy look in Lan Wangji’s eyes. “You were brave enough to reveal your feelings to me, and I... I was so cruel to you. Even if I was trying to save you, you didn’t deserve that.”

Perhaps worse than what he’d done was that... it hadn’t even worked. If pushing Lan Wangji away had made him leave and saved his life, then Wei Wuxian could have justified it, but he’d been cruel over and over and over... for nothing. Lan Wangji hadn’t left him no matter what he’d said, hadn’t left until his own clan members had intervened.

Lan Wangji’s gaze softened and Wei Wuxian reached up to touch his face, brush his thumb across his pale cheek. “If I’d...” he swallowed softly, before pressing through it, “if I’d known you wouldn’t have left no matter what, I never would have done that. Hurting you was the last thing I wanted to do. I... probably would have told you that I loved you.”

Lan Wangji was quiet for a moment, the heavy look still lingering in his eyes, though it had softened quite a bit to hear Wei Wuxian say that. He must have... sensed something about the way Wei Wuxian said it though, because he asked, “Did you?”

Wei Wuxian let out a soft sigh and shook his head a bit helplessly, replying, “I’m not sure.” He wouldn’t lie to Lan Wangji about that now, though he would have gladly said it back then if it had been the way to lessen Lan Wangji's pain. “I was so certain I was going to die back then that I didn’t even think about it. When you said that, I didn’t think it mattered how I felt because I was going to die."

Honestly, it had taken Wei Wuxian so long to understand and accept his feelings for Lan Wangji that... it was possible he had loved him back then, but that he hadn't been able to acknowledge it. There was no clear line in his head for when his feelings had been one thing or the other, and maybe if Lan had confessed at some other point, he might have been able to reflect on that. He did however, know that Lan Wangji was important to him, and he was confident in sharing that much. "I know I cared deeply about you. I don’t know if I was in love with you yet, but you were one of the most important people in the world to me. If I’d really known that I couldn’t get you to leave, I’d have told you anything to lessen your pain.”

Lan Wangji seemed to turn those statements over in his head a moment, before nodding, accepting it. Wei Wuxian pulled him down a little, enough to share a soft kiss, the ache in Wei Wuxian chest fading slowly now that he’d apologized, explained himself. He didn’t know if it helped temper Lan Wangji’s pain at all, but he could only hope.

After the kiss, Lan Wangji settled down, resting his own head in the crook of Wei Wuxian’s neck, and Wei Wuxian took a slow breath, realizing a bit more of the tension. His mind was troubled and his heart ached dully, reminded again of his awful, shameless behavior for all those weeks after his summoning, all at time that Lan Wangji couldn’t have known that Wei Wuxian hadn’t remembered those days in the cave.

After a few moments, Wei Wuxian asked, “If Zewu-Jun hadn’t come for you, would you have really stayed with me? Would you have taken me back to Gusu?” 

Wei Wuxian felt as though he already knew the answer, but part of him ached with wanting to hear it from Lan Wangji. 

He felt Lan Wangji nod against his chest, before he replied with an affirmative, “mn.”

“Did you... really think it would work? That you could have kept them from killing me?”

Lan Wangji was thoughtfully quiet for a bit, before responding, “I believed I needed to try.”

Hearing that tugged at Wei Wuxian’s heart and the hand still around Lan Wangji traced its fingers lightly across Lan Wangji’s back. Lan Wangji was smart, smarter than Wei Wuxian was. If Wei Wuxian had understood the desperation of his situation, then Lan Wangji must have been aware of it too. Even still, he’d pushed aside the logical part of his brain that must have known how hopeless it was, and had decided to help Wei Wuxian regardless.

Wei Wuxian opened his mouth again, almost asked if Lan Wangji would have really died by Wei Wuxian’s side to protect him, but... decided against it. He really didn’t need to ask that. He knew exactly how far Lan Wangji was willing to go to keep him safe, and he didn’t doubt that Lan Wangji would have done the same for him all those years ago as he would do now. If the people that had stumbled onto them in that cave in Yiling had been anyone other than Lan Xichen and a group of GusuLan sect senior disciples, Lan Wangji would have died defending him.

Wei Wuxian really didn’t know what he’d done to deserve having someone so deeply in love with him, but he didn’t want to question that either.

The visions from the nightmare, the memory, loitered in Wei Wuxian’s mind, as raw as a freshly picked scab, but... he didn’t want to drag out this moment any longer than he needed to. Wei Wuxian might have just remembered it, but... for Lan Wangji, this was an old wound, almost exactly as old as the scars that littered his back. For as much as it wounded him to remember, the greater agony was in forcing Lan Wangji to remember it as well. Wei Wuxian's only reprieve in knowing the truth now was that it gave him a chance to apologize sincerely and offer some explanation for a response that must have seemed so callous at the time... but he didn’t want to linger too long on something that had happened so long ago, something that Lan Wangji had probably tried in earnest to put out of his mind.

The past was far behind them. They were married now, they were happy. For whatever reason, Lan Wangji didn’t hold any of the awful things he’d done in the past against him, and Wei Wuxian wasn't fool enough to ask him to start. He was grateful, eternally so. 

Lan Wangji’s head moved down on his chest slightly, and without asking, Wei Wuxian knew he was listening for his heartbeat. A smile tugged at the corner of his lips and he turned his head to press his face to the top of Lan Wangji's head, taking a slow breath in and out and letting his body go a little looser.

“I love you, Lan Zhan,” he murmured softly into Lan Wangji’s hair, adjusting his arms to hold Lan Wangji a little more closely. “I love you so much.”

He felt Lan Wangji’s lips press to his chest briefly, before his head settled again, and he replied sweetly, “I love you, Wei Ying.”

With another slow exhale, Wei Wuxian let the rest of his tension dissipate, let sleep seep slowly back into the edges of his brain. In the morning they’d get breakfast, leave the inn, and continue on to their next night-hunt, their next adventure, and the rest of their lives together. For now, Wei Wuxian would hold Lan Wangji close as he drifted back to sleep, and wonder why destiny decided he deserved to be loved like this.

[lucifermeo]

Not that MDZS is shonen but

... have you ever thought about how overpowered (aka OP) Wei Wuxian really is?

Now this is just my shitpost after marathoning too many shonen anime lately, but if you really look at MDZS, Wei Wuxian is ridiculously powerful. After reincarnation, Wei Ying joked (to Su She?) that back when he was young in Yunmeng, he thought he was hotshit and all that. But it’s true. On power scale alone, pre-loss of golden core, WWX was a once-in-a-generation cultivating prodigy. The only one in his generation that probably could measure up to him was Lan Zhan, another prodigy child. Even then, we were told LWJ was a studious pupil, while WWX spent his days cooking up some shenanigans or reading porn. Yet, when they fought each other, LZ couldn’t take advantage of WWX at all. Their fights weren’t serious in nature or anything, but they always ended in a draw. After he became Yiling Laozu, he lost the advantage of hand-to-hand combat, but who cared really when he now had an army of undead. The advantages WWX’s necromancy offered were huge. WWX gained a huge upperhand in ranged attack and some serious defense. The corpses could always take one for him. I believe by then, no one could beat WWX one-to-one anymore. Not the un-named elders of the clans, not LZC-LWJ, not JGY-JGS, obviously not JC, and probably not even NMJ (or else dude would have tried, if we knew anything about his righteous streak). But if they attacked WWX in groups, such as at Buye, it was worse. Because WWX’s attack army only grew stronger with every kill he had. At Buye they had more than 3000 people, and WWX, mindless with grief (meaning he could not use his strategic mind at all), nearly massacred everyone based on strength alone.

Yet, not only was WWX’s strength is phenomenal, his intelligence stats must also have been through the roof. He showed good battle strategy while planning to take down the turtle with LWJ, he knew how to use his own talking to aggravate and distract opponents during battle, he (almost) never lost his calm during fights. (Well, almost, since the few times he did it ended catastrophically.) The cultivation world must have existed for at least hundreds, if not thousands of years before WWX, but he was the one to think up of using demonic cultivation as a method. In three (3) months. He invented the Stygian Seal, invented the flags, the compasses and probably multiple other tools the cultivation world now uses in night hunting. In about a year or so, he found out a way to return Wen Ning to not-exactly-life but immortal and fully sentinent (aside from occasional loss of control).

No wonder everyone, especially the power-hungry Jin sect, freaked out and tripped over themselves trying to take WWX down. Nobody likes a god.

[somepinkthing]

the sects vs the yiling patriarch and the wens

I feel like jin zixuan's ambush was sort of the catalyst that dragged all of the resentment in the sects to light. That's where things really start to hurtling downhill for WWX's relationship with the cultivators so let's begin there.

First off, let's establish that everything that happened from ambush at qiongqi path to the siege of the burial mounds 100% counts as war. The jin sect ambushed wei wuxian during peacetime while he was visiting family, murdered his two closest friends over it, and were just concluding a conference where they pledged to attack the burial mounds and kill everyone there when wwx attacked. They declared war, they just won't admit it. Am I saying that means WWX is innocent? No. While I have my doubts that he killed 3000 cultivators at the nightless city, I imagine he managed to kill a lot of them. However, it wasn't like it was unexpected. Jin guangshan and the pledged sects 100% should have expected an attack. Or if they'd managed to launch their attack first (which was the plan) they should have expected massive resistance. If they were actually shocked and not just playing the victim card then they're idiots. No one would just quietly let you kill them and all their friends. But history belongs to the victors and so the nightless city and koi tower events were unprovoked massacres on innocent cultivators. But the attack on qiongqi path was a strategic ambush and the final battle on the burial mounds was a collective seige. There was also never a war, they were just... apprehending criminals

And honestly? Maybe they were to some people. The sect leaders and elders can shut their mouths, but to others? Everyday cultivators who only know what they're told and have no reason to question their leaders? That may well be the truth, especially to the ones who weren't at the conference. From their angle, wei wuxian was the villain who marched into a conference full of cultivators, lost himself in a rage, and just started killing people they knew. These cultivators were innocent soldiers who just followed orders because that's all that was within their power to do and they didn't deserve to have their lives cut short like that. They were someone's family and the yiling patriarch took them from this world. Anyways, why should they care about a group of wens when they looked the other way for wen ruohan? So many people died because they didn't even try to stop their leader, why shouldn't they face consequences for that?

And yet, from another angle, wei wuxian was the protector and close friend of a small clan of non-combatant civilians, one of which was a toddler, who'd never had any power to do anything about wen ruohan. The man was practically an emperor, powerful enough that even the sect leaders had looked the other way for him right up until the sunshot campaign. What could a bunch of civilians have done? To them, wei wuxian was the man who freed them from a work camp. They never even sought revenge for what had happened to them, instead trying to peacefully recover on land that no one wanted. And yet they were still targeted and declared war on. So their leader reacted by going to confront the sects head at a war council and it went (very) badly when he was attacked. In this version, those innocent cultivators now look like bloodthirsty glory-seekers who were all for commiting their own massacre on people they knew couldn't fight back over a handful of rumors, but balked at having to face consequences for their choices.

What's the truth? That depends on which side you look at it from. In truth, both sides are right. Why would the family of those cultivators who died see it any other way? What would be the point of forcing them to see the other side? But the wens were civilians and were attacked first. Why should they have cared that a bunch of cultivators who were coming to kill them had been killed first? Whether or not that justifies wwx's actions depends on which side you look at it from. Wei wuxian killed those cultivators at the nightless city, make no mistake. Justified or not, that's a whole fact that you will never erase. However, that the great cultivation sects gathered to kill a bunch of workers, elderly folk, and a child over something as petty as a power struggle and were preparing to make the first strike had wwx not come to them are also facts.

It's entirely possible there is no right or wrong side in this whole scenario. JGS was evil af. The wen clan were innocent in this scenario. But the others? It gets blurry. The whole situation gets blurry.

[tatselk]

The Untamed (陈情令) Review: Ep 21

!!! SPOILERS AHEAD !!!

Previous episode review: 1 and 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16,17, 18,19, 20.

Some quality Yunmeng Jiang Siblings Fluff now that WWX is back from the dead. The teary reunion! The hugging! WWX’s (bittersweet on hindsight) promise that the three of them would never be parted again! :):):)

I have to bring up NHS randomly bursting in on WWX and telling him how worried everyone was in looking for him, ESPECIALLY LWJ and JC. Hey, NHS, why did you mention LWJ first? Are you secretly a WangXian shipper too? Hahaha. 

All the pining and estrangement btw WWX and LWJ was just-! I swear I could literally feel the secondhand awkwardness through the screen at that bit whereby WWX and JC suddenly came across LWJ and LXC in the corridors and had no way of avoiding them.

While this episode was technically about the 4 great cultivational sects trying to bring down WRH/the Wen sect and gossip swirling around WWX's miraculous return from the Burial Mounds, it basically just felt like a romcom whereby everyone else in a friend group was walking on eggshells due to the tension between certain members of the group (coughWangXianbreakupcough). XD  Like JC demanding to know why WWX wanted to look for LWJ after the falllout between them in episode 20, what was going on with WWX and LWJ, whether WWX planned to never communicate with LWJ again etc. 

I kinda like the symbolism of how JC and JYL are now consistently dressed in purple, as per the Jiang sect’s colours. Like now that their parents are dead and they have have been reunited again, the two of them have become the “face” of the Jiang sect.

Oh shit, WWX seems to have already started losing control of the demonic cultivation thing. AND JYL kept detecting traces of this. We already know all of this isn’t going to end well but isn’t this happening abit too soon?!

Oh shit X2, WRH looks like he is cooking up some diabolical zombie-related plan in his Villainous Abode. I... hope it wasn’t MY/JGY who helped WRH come up with that plan (see my review of episode 19). 0_0

Ok, I’m kinda loving WWX’s dramatic entrance (complete with special wind effects!) as he entered the meeting room where the others were having a discussion on how to attack WRH and how he casually dropped a few cryptic lines before leaving again. But I can also definitely see how/why this might piss the other characters off. Lol. 

My favourite part of this episode was probably that philosophical discussion between the Twin Jades about how one can tell right from wrong if there are no set rules in the world to follow; how one would not necessarily know the answer to everything just because one reads many books etc. 

The ending scene between LWJ and WWX killed me. Like why are they so bad at communicating with each other? Why does LWJ have to resort to drawing his sword to prove his point?! Why does WWX have to grin and evade LWJ’s questions/pretend not to know what LWJ was driving at??? GAHHH.

Overall: 8/10. I really liked how this episode fleshed out how WWX struggled and coped with dealing with everything after his return from the Burial Mounds. So this score would have been even higher if I weren’t so affected by all the underlying tension and potential for angst. Haha. 

[grandmasterofwangxiancultivation]

MDZS ch.109

dunno, even with jgy gone i’m nervous. what’s gonna happen now? I WANNA NOW IF I WAS RIGHT ABOUT NHS PLSSSSSSSS

they are trying to block nmj with the statue, but the only thing i can think about is the angst currently going on between lxc, nmj and jgy. my heart hurts for them. why WHY-

Before he finished, Wei WuXian suddenly felt both his body and his line of sight tilt. Lan WangJi held one end of the coffin and lifted it up.

Which meant, with only a left hand, he lifted the wooden coffin, the two dead bodies within the coffin, the Guanyin statue above the coffin, and Wei WuXian atop the statue.

Wei WuXian gaped in astonishment. He’d long since known that Lan WangJi had shocking arm strength, but this… was a bit too shocking!

EXCUSE ME HOW???? IS THE LAN SECT’S HANDSTAND THAT EFFECTIVE????? WHAT THE HELL

THAT’S SO HOT

WO DE TIAN

IS

IS LAN ZHAN SHOWING OFF- *chokes* i love him

EDIT:

The one end of the coffin plummeted to the ground, letting out a loud echo. Wei WuXian tilted as well. Lan WangJi welcomed him by breaking his fall with his arms before he placed him steadily on the ground. The hands that had just conquered almost a thousand pounds were more than gentle when wrapped around Wei WuXian.

THIS IS SO SWEET AND ROMANTIC AND OMG. OMG. *swoons*

EDIT 2:

Lan XiChen stared at the coffin enveloped in seven guqin strings. He was still lost in thought. Nie HuaiSang extended a hand and waved it before his eyes, terrified, “… B-Brother XiChen, are you alright?”

Lan XiChen, “HuaiSang, just now, was he really trying to catch me off guard with an attack?”

HERE WE ARE. okay i hope it’s him, it’d be aojfijepfkwepofkw but that being said, i just wanna know who was behind all that COME ONNNNNNN

EDIT 3:

Suddenly, Wei WuXian called, “HuaiSang-xiong.”

WEI WUXIAN IS READY TO TALK HE SAID NHS’ NAME AND I AM REALLY NERVOUS ABOUT THIS 

EDIT 4:

Wei WuXian, “It’s just that I suddenly connected a few things together.”

Nie HuaiSang, “What things?”

LET’S SEE WWX BEING SMARTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE PT.3902849384329

EDIT 5:

Lan XiChen, “You mean this was the goal of the one who sent him the letter? Only to urge him to take action?”

Wei WuXian, “That’s what I’m thinking.”

Lan XiChen shook his head, “… Then just what does the person who sent him the letter want to do? Whether to expose Jin GuangYao or to destroy the sects?”

OKAY. so it may be him. like, he wanted to uncover jgy’s true self and make him confess nmj’s death? 

i told myself i would patiently wait for the revelation but I WANT IT TO BE NHS is it obvious?

EDIT 6:

Nie HuaiSang, “Sounds like this person started to plan this a long time ago.”

Wei WuXian looked at him before suddenly asking, “Right, weren’t you the one responsible for safekeeping ChiFeng-Zun’s body, Sect Leader Nie?”

S H I T WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

IT’S HIM. T E L L    M E    I ‘ M    R I G H T

EDIT 7:

Wei WuXian, “Then did you really not know Mo XuanYu?”

Nie HuaiSang, “Huh?”

EXCUSE ME WHAT DOES MXY HAVE TO DO WITH ANY OF THIS??????????????????????????????????????????????????

EDIT 8: are you freaking telling me mxy’s sacrifice wasn’t a coincidence?!?!!? i started feeling suspicious of this after zelda’s comic, jokingly saying “well yeah, that’s a great interpretation, it may really be like this!!!” but NOW I SHOULD BELIEVE IT REALLY WASN’T A COINCIDENCE?

EDIT 9: THIS IS SO CLEVER AND SOPERFECT I AM FREAKING SPEECHLESS, HOW COULD I REMAIN OBLIVIOUS UNTIL ONLY A FEW CHAPTERS AGO??????? NHS YOU SMART BASTARD I LOVE YOU

[ehyde]

MDZS wingfic au

(crossposted from my twitter)

This was born of the desire to see Wen Ruohan as a tyrannical angel so it's (mostly) the Wens who are winged here, please insert whatever Icarus imagery you want into the Sunshot campaign, etc. 

After a magical adventure that's lost to history, both Wen Mao and Baoshan Sanren grew wings (the official Wen account says he was blessed by a god, but that version doesn't mention BSSR, so take it with a grain of salt). Since then, all of Wen Mao's descendants have grown wings shortly after developing their golden core. It was assumed to be genetic, until BSSR's disciples who descended the mountain had wings, too. Wei Wuxian inherited wings from his mother. 

As the only non-Wen with wings, he drew a lot of attention and Madam Yu resented him even more, but things were mostly the same as canon up until the attack on Lotus Pier. (Insert all sorts of winged mischief in the Cloud Recesses flashback, etc.) 

In a way, the decision to give Jiang Cheng his golden core was easier, because he'd still be able to fly. But what he didn't know was that without a core, his wings would become a dead weight. (Though this hardly mattered in the long run--before throwing him into burial mound, Wen Chao tore off WWX's wings. He hated the idea of a non-Wen having wings, especially WWX.) 

The other thing that neither WWX nor Wen Qing predicted was that after receiving WWX's core, Jiang Cheng would grow wings of his own. He tried to pretend they were a bonus gift from BSSR but he couldn't lie to himself; those weren't just any wings, they were Wei Wuxian's. This happened when he and Lan Wangji were searching together. So, that secret got exposed right away.

One would not expect the Core-Melting Hand to have wings, as he was only adopted by the Wens. But he does, so WRH must have, like BSSR, discovered how to bestow them upon his chosen few. This includes Meng Yao. After the Sunshot Campaign was over, Meng Yao hid his wings, since such an obvious reminder of his association with the Wen sect would hinder his rise to power in the Jin sect. (If qiankun bags and sleeves exist then I assume enchanting a piece of clothing to hide wings is possible too). Nie Mingjue was the only one who had seen them and lived. It's not very nice, having wings and never being able to use them, so oftentimes, he's glad NMJ knows (NMJ: what's the big deal? just use your sword to fly!) 

 After the Sunshot Campaign, the remaining winged Wens had their wings clipped, but when he came back as a fierce corpse, Wen Ning could fly again. Most of the Wen remnants weren't direct family though. LWJ never knew exactly whose kid A-Yuan was and when he took him in he wasn't thinking that he might grow wings one day. It took Sizhui completely by surprise. Jingyi was there when it happened and they told LWJ but aside from that, LSZ keeps his wings hidden too for now. LWJ considered sending him to Lotus Pier to train with Jiang Cheng, but JC's hatred of the Wens is well known. So LWJ helped LSZ learn to use and care for them based on his memories of Wei Ying.

So that's what I've got. I don't plan on writing this entire au as a fic--I might write a few ficlets set within it, but if anyone else wants to play with it, feel free!

[crossdressingdeath]

another parallel between jyl and jzx is that both ask wwx to stop in the middle of a battle when the other party wasn't going to stop both try to make peace resulting in their own dead. Also they could have avoided it if they didn't decided to run in the middle of a battle, I can undestand jzx trying to stop his cousin to kill wwx but why jyl decided to go to nightless city.

Yeah, that’s a good point. In both cases they’re telling WWX, who is defending himself, to stop fighting first instead of suggesting that maybe the attackers should stand down instead of antagonizing him. And JYL at least should know��better; JZX has no reason to trust WWX, but JYL does. Again it’s that thing of... trying to deal with the immediate situation, but not trying to deal with the underlying issue and so in practice pretty much just kicking the can further down the road. I’m willing to cut JYL some slack for going to Nightless City (her husband had just died and the sects were planning to kill her brother, she wouldn’t have been thinking clearly, although I do not forgive CQL for making a point of showing her having a sword and going to cultivator lessons and then still having her run out onto a battlefield unarmed and get cut down immediately, at least let her get overwhelmed while fighting, come on), but yeah, her telling WWX to stop first when the sects were actively trying to kill him and his only way of keeping himself and the people under his protection alive was to prove he was too big a threat to provoke unnecessarily instead of appealing to her brother (who is a sect leader and who JYL still trusts to side with WWX) or the Lans (at least one of whom she knows does want her brother safe) is... certainly something. It’s this thing where even counting all of the people of the sects who genuinely wanted WWX safe, only LWJ really considered that maybe instead of telling him to stop defending himself and instead throw himself and the Wen remnants to the mercy of the people who had been actively targeting pretty much from the moment he was no longer useful to them wasn’t going to help him. At least when LWJ said “Come back to Gusu with me” he meant “Let me personally help and protect you” instead of “If you stop fighting and obediently let yourself be imprisoned I might be able to help”, especially since the latter comes from people who only might be able to help because their political power is limited and dependant on others. But it’s no wonder WWX took it as the latter, given that’s... really the only offer of help he gets from anyone else. 

JZX and JYL both meant well, I don’t want to deny that or understate how willing they were to take risks for WWX’s sake (or for JYL’s sake through WWX in JZX’s case), but... yeah, they both greatly misunderstood the situation. And again, it comes close to that line between neutrality and wrongdoing; while neither of them meant to, I’d argue that even though they were defending WWX they weren’t really on his side the way LWJ is? They weren’t going to let him get killed by mob justice, but they did want him to hand himself over to the justice of the people who created this situation to begin with, which is... better, for sure, but still not great, and let’s be honest was extremely likely to still end with WWX dead, just with a smaller overall death toll on the sects’ side. I’m sure they intended to defend him as best they could, but... well, with two great sect leaders calling for his head and the other two prepared to side with their peers over WWX based on lack of evidence to the contrary and the minor sect leaders just following the leader, a sect heir and his wife wouldn’t have actually been able to do much. Basically they both meant well but made entirely the wrong call in trying to defuse the situation by treating WWX like the aggressor (and so in practice kind of accidentally siding with the sects); while JYL’s death was the result of someone else attacking (and so entirely dependant on the sects listening to her if she told them to stand down, which isn’t guaranteed), I’d argue that there’s a fair chance that if JZX had told JZXun and his lot to back off first even if it did come to a fight there was a much higher possibility that WN would’ve seen him as an ally and not an enemy. Not guaranteed by any stretch, but... a chance.

[crossdressingdeath]

You know I always got the sense that JYL running out into the battlefield, while incredibly stupid, was kind of done in the heat of the moment. Like I don’t really think she had a plan, I think she was just wrapped up in grief after her husband’s death, probably started panicking when she saw her brother appear (did everyone actually know that WWX would show up to the thing, or did they all just meet to declare their intention to hunt him down?) and ran out there to get to him without 1/2

really thinking about the consequences. And no idea what she intended for him to do, but I almost feel like in her mind, maybe she intended for him to stop attacking and then thought that she could somehow convince people to leave him alone or whatever. Like either way, not a great plan, but I don’t think she really was thinking clearly in that moment. 2/2

Oh, she definitely wasn’t thinking clearly, I wouldn’t expect her to be able to think clearly under the circumstances. My main question is how the hell she got there; did they bring her with them to the conference or something? If that’s the case, why would she tell WWX to stop fighting the people she knows want him dead? Questions, so many questions... And they weren’t expecting WWX to show up at the conference; it very much was them all pledging to hunt him down. If memory serves WWX actually calls them out on being upset that he showed up when they were about to go and track him down anyway, which is... kind of funny.

[crossdressingdeath]

Okay so I only found your blog pretty recently and I'm really happy that there are people who dislike JC. I actually came from CQL (though I'm currently reading the novel) and a lot of people seem to like him and I'm just..... I just can't get out of my head that he knew that the Wens in BM were elderly and weak, that there was a fucking child who lived there bcs JC saw them. And he chose to lead the Siege on the BM in the novel. In CQL he too goes against WWX and the Wen Remnants, knowing fully well what and who they are, and frankly? I tried to like him, I really did, but JC keeps blaming everything that happens on WWX, belittles and insults him and just in general has serious anger issues and people go around and call it is love language? I mean, yes there are people that don't show affection that well, that do seem to be rather fierce, and yes at the beginning of CQL you can call it his ~love language~ to some extent but..... it just gets worse and worse with him. The scene where he yelled at WWX after Lotus Pier? Ngl I really wanted WWX to let him rot because it's egoistic af. I get that he's grieving but so is WWX, I get that he copes differently but he's so blinded by his self esteem issues that he has to blame everything on the person who is better than him. That he doesn't even seem to get that the Wens would've attacked even if WWX hadn't done anything. It was just a matter of time really. Then there's that scene in CQL where JC shoves WWX and insults him by saying something along the lines of "you're drunk again?" And just seems really annoyed at WWX for not doing his bidding. I appreciate the actor of JC who, I personally think, has done a good job at portraying CQL!JC. Anyways, I've grown really fucking tired of people being like JC & WWX have to make up etc. because it's actually pretty clear that WWX is over and done with the situation. He's over with his past life and just wants to enjoy this one and honestly if he wants to do that, it doesn't involve JC. JC will always find a way to blame him for something and WWX doesn't deserve this and shouldn't have to live with that. Maybe that's also one of the reasons I hate these "JC finds out about WWX's Core pre-death and makes some elaborate plan to save him bcs he is really good with politics and scheming!!!!" Fics

The thing with people insisting that JC and WWX have to make up is that... it always feels like they weren’t paying attention. The novel and even CQL (to a lesser extent, because no narration making WWX’s increasing disdain (for lack of a better word) for JC’s behaviour clear) both do a good job of showing that... WWX is done. He’s forgiven JC for hurting him, but he’s done. He’s not going to go back. I think people miss that you can forgive someone and still want nothing to do with them going forward. And yeah, being harsh can be loving, but JC takes it way beyond that point into outright cruelty. CQL actually makes it worse in some ways, because... WWX’s steady deterioration is way less subtle there. Things like him being drunk all the time are hard to miss, but JC acts like WWX is just doing these things to be a nuisance without questioning why WWX’s behaviour has suddenly shifted so dramatically. He just... doesn’t care about what WWX is feeling, he only cares that he’s now an inconvenience. I have never understood why CQL-only fans often seem more likely to insist they had a great relationship when CQL added Shit Like That.