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thewriterowl · 1 day ago

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The world needs more Omega Luke being overly protected by a family solely composed of Alphas, mate and children included.

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

Thank YOU for triggering my TED Talk.

Because YES.

It starts before he is even born. Anakin and Padme teasing each other as they stroke over her belly. Padme thinks it's a boy who is an Alpha while Anakin thinks it's a girl who is an Alpha. Anakin is the one who is right, sorta...but won't see this to come to fruition. Both are still so happy and in love and protective because this is *their* baby.

Obi-Wan realizing the baby he is tasked to bring home is not like his sister, can sense this is an Omega, and feels a rush of protectiveness for the little one who was brought into such a scary galaxy, to a scary planet, to a life that is not easy for any Omega...but particularly *this* one. Owen and Beru almost second guessing taking on this little one. They are Betas and Tatooine is not kind. But they hold him and love him and vow to keep him as safe as possible. They teach him how to hide this part of himself away, not from shame but to keep himself safe because he is too good to be lost in this galaxy. He is someone who is there to be bright and happy and make a change of Light. he needs to be protected. After their loss, and the loss of Obi-Wan, he meets a found family and they see what everyone else sees, even before they know his gender. Leia just *knows* something about him belongs to her and she needs to protect him for life. It is only confirmed when they realize their relation to each other and Leia hates the stars for making her brother this supposed "chosen one" who has to face all of this darkness. Han, Chewie, and Lando do not like people getting close to Luke. Lando puts his hand on Luke's waist often just to give off the illusion he is taken so no one else can get close. Han veers people away with snark and glares. Chewie looms close and growls.

Don't get close to Luke when Artoo is nearby just...just don't...seriously. Don't. That droid has a body count. And a lot of the bodies are for Luke and he is happy to add more.

Darth Vader...Vader was unsure how to respond. It certainly changed some plans. Because this is Padme's boy. This is the boy she wanted and the Omega they never expected to have. Maybe it was genderist of him, maybe he was a blind Alpha fool, but he did not want Luke, this precious boy, this gift as a warrior. Maybe he would change his mind, maybe he was taken over by more than the Alpha brain but of Anakin, the man who should be long dead, who was always far too protective for his own sanity. Regardless, he wanted his boy, his Omega child, and he would have him.

But Luke has him in the end. And, now dead, Anakin will possessively watch over him until they are reunited in the Force.

No one thought anyone could be worse.

Welp, they hadn't met Din Djarin.

Din is a mess over Luke. Luke who is so perfect. Bright, brilliant, fierce, powerful, strong, funny, beautiful...Din and his Alpha hindbrain go blind the moment they meet. Now that he is training Din's ad'ika, it's all the more reason to be obsessed. He may do a little stalking but it's fine because this is HIS child and HIS Omega.

Luke certainly doesn't seem to mind.

He really doesn't mind when Din starts to stay more and more...and then urges maybe changing the location of this school. "Mandalore is safe now. It needs rebuilt. It needs a school."

And maybe it's Luke's Omega brain talking but that sounds like a grand idea.

Of course, it doesn't stay very political or professional long. The two can keep their hands off of each other and Luke is probably pregnant within a month. It's the trigger that makes Din keep the saber, accept that it came to him for a reason, and now takes the throne because who can protect HIS Omega and babies better than Din as a king?

Is he using the position selfishly and for Alpha brain and family purposes? Yes. Do the people care? Absolutely not.

They have a lot of babies; both through pregnancy and as foundlings. And every. single. one of them are protecting their papa.

Luke finds them ridiculous. He's probably the most powerful person in a room. Any room. Pick it. Even if he's not in said room, he's still the most powerful.

It doesn't matter. This is papa. This is Omega. they need to protect and possess and keep safe forever.

#star wars #the mandalorian #dinluke #luke skywalker #alpha beta omega #a/b/o #mpreg #owl inbox #I haven't had an ask in a while #I needed to unleash Dinluke and Luke thots

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jaegersmoon · 2 days ago

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what are ur steps to writing a complex character? i’m having so much trouble w that

✧ write the characterization out on paper so you can visualize it

write out their likes, their dislikes, their personality type, what makes them impatient, what scares them, give them habits and put the reason as to why the habits are there, is it a coping mechanism? a trauma response? did they get it from a parent that died and they don't even realize they adopted that habit until someone points it out? seeing all of this will help you make connections that maybe you were blind to when it was all in your head.

✧ let them be imperfect !!!

when writing complex characters, it can be so easy to fall victim to the concept of trying to make them perfect, of no flaws, because it is your creation and at the end of the day, you are the one making the choice for them but remember that flaws are what drive the complexity of a character. let go of the idea of them always being well versed (bc that isn't reality) and let them make poor choices, be stupid, have horrible coping mechanisms, shut people out, get them into situations other characters wouldn't touch and then let them struggle to find a way out.

✧ don't let the character think like you, but rather think like the character

it's extremely common to use certain life experiences and build them into events in your book. if you do this when involving a complex character, allow them to make choices that you wouldn't ever make. let them over react where you would under reacted or under act when you would over react. let them blow something out of proportion, snap at a character, and say things that you never would and then give it a ripple affect... let it take damage to a strong bond because of their inability to listen and then have them suffer the consequences of that choice in order to allow them to grow enough to fix their present flaws.

the more you write, the more you will learn how to embody what character you're writing and your brain will almost slowly turn into theirs and it will become easier to make choices that accurately fall around their flaws rather than your own.

✧ let them piss you / the readers off

as a writer who is publishing works to the public, it can sometimes be intimating to think about readers reactions when decides on certain choices a specific characters makes, weather you're going to make them mad or not or make them wanna throw their phone. if you do? then good bc you're making them feel something and in my opinion, complex characters are not made to be made to be liked 100% of the time. sometimes they do things they shouldn't or they make choices that makes their development spiral backward, but that's the point. take eren for example, he is a very complex character, has he done things to piss me off? yes. do i love him despite all of that? yes. do i love him because of that complexity and those flawed choices? yes. zuko is another good example of this.

another example, i hated how jean was at the beginning of ob, it was so painful me to write and is even painful for me to reflect on, his flaws made me so angry, but i had a vision as to where i wanted him to end up and i knew if i wanted to develop him and flush him out the way i have, i needed to start him in the trenches and give him a solid reason as to why he was stuck in the hole he dug for himself.

✧ complex characters need a reason that they are complex

where did they come from? what did they experience that made them this way? what triggers their anger? what things are they sensitive too and why? every complex character should have depth as to why they have become who they are. understand their triggers and create boundaries (i.e jean's back, yn's thighs). also give them layers upon laters of identity that you can later leverage out of them and say "this character hates this specific thing because of x y and z and because x y and z happened to them, this is where they fall short in this specific part of their life.

✧ allow them to contradict themselves and let it happen a lot

let them say something and then do something that goes against what they said and turn it into an inward battle. many times the biggest villain of a complex character is themselves.

for example, when keith called yn to tell her to come back to stohess because of lucas she was aware of his flaws and that she wants nothing to do with him but when he mentioned her brother, she took off running and reverted back into the little girl she used to be when they were at the dinner table and he was telling her that he loves her and wants them to be a family and she was inwardly questioning if he actually meant it even though in the back of her head she knows its not true. this is where her complexity comes in. it would be easier just to write her as a 'fuck you dad' type of girl but that isn't who she is. she loves people to a fault and at the end of the day, despite her horrible experiences with keith and all the suffering he put her through, she will always have a piece of her that yearns desperately for her father and the family she lost and will always be hopeful that vacancy will somehow be filled and that is something she truly hates about herself hence why she so often says she knows better than to hope (and yet, she still does).

; hope this helps bb, please remember i am not at all trained in any of this, what i know is what ive learned by doing so take it all w a grain of salt lmfao <3

#aim answers #am i even making sense

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minart-was-taken · 9 hours ago

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Mr Reca is a Welt Theory🎭

I'm bout to cook. It may not be food but it'll be COOKED.

It's canon in the Hoyoverse that sometimes people have counterparts in different dimensions. These counterparts usually have many similarities to the original such as in name and design, but are also different enough to be considered a different character. In this post I'm going to argue for the case that Mr. Reca and Welt are an example of this.

(Disclaimer: This is for goofs and fun. I do NOT think this is anywhere near canon or even totally sensical.)

Let's go from the least convincing evidence to the most convincing evidence:

Look the same 🫵

Although most of their similarities can be tossed aside as it being an anime game and people in this genre of just tending to look very similar-- I'm still including it. They both have brown hair with a parting a bit to the side, hair that covers one of their eyes partially, and some handsome greying.

We also know when Welt is using his powers his eyes can start glowing red

But uh yea I get it. This is a strech. Moving on.

2. Similar career choices

Welt claims* to have been an animator before boarding the Astral Express. Mr. Reca is a VERY passionate filmmaker. Yes I will point out that these are very different careers, but I will ALSO point out the similarities. Visual storytelling in the form of video!! Both include character development, shot planning, colour theory... The list goes on.

Also for some goddamn reason Welt has the power to summon animations from his homeworld...? That's weird. But it works with my theory so. Uh. Yeah.

Now again, these ARE different things for many reasons. You may even say this bit of evidence is a bit of a stretch-- But, hold on!

Acheron in Honkai Star Rail is an emanator of Nihility. Raiden Shogun, her counterpart in Genshin Impact, is the Archon of Eternity. Extremely similar at face value, but come with very different duties.

*Whether he was or wasn't doesn't really matter for the theory as the fact he chose that still says a lot about the man.

3. Mr. Reca is a Memokeeper Memokeepers canonically give up their mortal bodies to exist as memories so that they may travel the world as efficient as possible with the goal of collecting memories. I can't find confirmation on whether they also give up their memories of their once mortal existence, but whether that's canon or not it's very easy to imagine a Memokeeper could do that to themself.

This leads me to the major point of this theory: If we were to take away Welt's bonds, what would be left? A goddamn nerd. Have you seen how this guy talks about his favourite shows?

So here's the tea. We know our Welt Yang is from an entirely different dimension, meaning there's very much space for a Welt of this dimension to exist as well. I propose that the man may be who Mr. Reca used to be before becoming a Memokeeper.

Here's what I'm imagining: Welt is a very old man, so perhaps long before the events of the game there existed a man who worked passionately in filmmaking. One day for one reason or another he chose to let go off his mortal life and any possible bonds he had, and became an immortal Memokeeper-- Now without bonds, he was stripped to have only one passion: films.

Its certainly an interesting fanfic 👍👍 There's a lot of holes in the theory and in the end it doesn't really matter-- Welt and Mr. Reca would probably never figure out this connections between them and even if the did I doubt they'd care too much.

But it came to my brain and I'm making it everyone else's problem.

TLDR; What if Welt had a counterpart in this universe and that counterpart was Mr. Reca before he basically de-welted himself.

#Welt Yang #HSR #Mr. Reca #Honkai Star Rail #Theory

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fookinhellcurly · 1 day ago

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Larry discussions and why they matter

I got asked today by an older, new fan through the Larry Resources Compilation I made (also posted on Reddit):

"I am genuinely curious, though, like….. why does this matter?"

As a previous chill fan (a directioner, and a larrie, apparently god my brain gets foggy sometimes lol) who barely recounts my own Larrying back in the day (college was a whirlwind and a fever dream to me lol sorry) and came back after Liam's passing, I, myself, have consumed all these Larry information only recently. But from the get go, I knew my convictions.

There might be new ones here who'd come across my blog, so I thought I'd share my answer here as well. I ended up making a bulleted list, and it was the best way I thought I could address the question + the extra notes they left in their comment:

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Baby larries and misinformation: Most baby larries likely learned about Larry through edits on YouTube, TikTok, or Instagram reels. They then decided to dive deeper, which led them down the Larry rabbit hole and eventually to Reddit and Tumblr. However, much of what’s on social media is taken out of context. There’s a lot of misinformation being spread (especially from bluegreeners), which is part of why non-larries in the fandom get annoyed with us. Some fans take things to extremes without understanding the reality of what H and L are going through. This is why it’s crucial to encourage research and healthy discussions. New information (in a sense that we might have failed to discuss it before; recent example is this post I made about Harry's lyric change to "Louis ONTO my drawers" which happened in 2020) is discovered—or debunked—daily, so having a platform to share and discuss these findings is vital. This Larry research I made is extensive, yes, but TONS of information have been scrubbed from the internet for unknown reasons (i.e, about babygate). Some people are actively trying to bury the truth about Larry. Without blogs and accounts archiving this data over the past decade, we wouldn’t know half of what we do today. My goal here is to make navigating 15 years’ worth of information easier.

The bigger picture: So, what’s the point of all this? In my opinion, it’s not just about proving a point. It’s about understanding the awful and harsh realities of an industry that profits off our support as fans while exploiting the very people we admire. It’s about acknowledging that there’s more to H and L than the clips we see online. They were just kids with dreams who were abused and manipulated by their management. They had to fight to maintain their identities while achieving their goals. It’s heartbreaking to realize that despite progress, the queer community still faces immense barriers (extra: I read the summary of Rock Hudson's battle back in the day—it's a perfect example of how we cannot trust the narrative media feed us). H and L have spent years signaling and coding, trying to break through their closet, and only us Larries could see the signs. Meanwhile, the media and management continue to box them into heteronormative narratives. It honestly breaks my heart seeing Harry get accused of queerbaiting and Louis forced into this Louis Tomlinson™ laddy-lad image, a far cry from the vibrant, flamboyant, happy young man he used to be (his words: "He were a lot sweeter, this lad"). To be clear, I love Lou the way he is but I agree to what this person said, I wish we had seen how the grown-up version of 2010-2012 Louis.

The denials: If HL had cut this shit from the beginning. If they had explicitly denied that their relationship was, in fact, not real (No, they have not straightforwardly denied it because they always redirect or play with words when asked in front of the camera; and that includes L's denial this year), we would have accepted it. But they didn't. THEY fed us all these things to pick on for the past few years. The songs (god, the songs) and the parallels, the use of blue and green (they know what those colors mean to us—they would not use them lightly if they want us to not believe), the coded clothing and the signaling, the acts of defiance, etc.—what are all those for? It's crazy to think that H and L would "bait" us just for the sake of sales.

Finally, the point of not letting the "ancient texts" die and keeping track even in the present: You see, all of us probably became genuinely invested because of the bigger story. In hindsight, everything MAKES SENSE, but in real-time unfolding during the 1D days, when H and L were fighting the most, it was harder to make sense of these things. But because we have these timelines, analyses, and proofs that sometimes even take years to be established (i.e., the McDonald's x Carpool Karaoke 2015 where HL supposedly shared the milkshake—but the clip didn't see the light of day until 2020 came around), we finally get to make sense of a decade+ worth of legitimate stories. As you would observe, there would always be a couple of larries who would ask, "Why do you think they're still together when they haven't been seen in public for so many years?" I want to add my answer from this post:

"[...] I’ve established that being a larrie, like a true larrie and not a chill larrie, you really have to be strong with your beliefs. I know those two try to keep their peace for as long as they want to. And I know we’d probably still get more denials and stunts along the way, but we have to remember that those shouldn’t invalidate the TONS of proofs/receipts that already exist, nor ignore the signals those two send in return when they have to be involved in bs narratives fed to the public. […] There’d be days when it’d be harder to defend HL themselves even bcs of their actions and words that could hurt larries - so on our end, we don’t necessarily have to tolerate that and we’re allowed to be mad or doubt what we’re supposed to be fighting for (not doubting them per se; just the situation and the cause). Though again, for me, by the end of the day, I know there are million other reasons why we cannot bend the truth (and we larries ourselves have always strived to stay analytical and logical when dealing with proofs), and I’d still choose to hold on bcs I know they still need us to believe - even if they decide to keep things quieter like this year or not come out at all."

If no one keeps track of these things (because as subtle as they are, HL still drops hints even once in a blue moon), other people would probably fail to notice them. But they are still just as loud, though not in a way that some 'fans' appreciate (like comparing now with the 1D days when, of course, you’d see them in the same room most of the time). And that’s when hate comes in. Because they fail to see it, they decide to 'overwrite' the past—when the closet was glass and when HL was free to show us their truth. They try to erase the fact that Harry and Louis were forced into a closet: one being labeled as the charming, womanizer man who likes 'girls of a certain age,' and the other as the laddy-lad guy who was a partygoer and then entered fatherhood.

This is the reason why, even though the topics could be repetitive, I personally try to engage, help out, and contribute—it also encourages others to do so. We need each other to keep believing despite the BS we’re thrown. And while Larry has stopped signaling as much, I know they truly appreciate Larries who support them on the sidelines.

There are so many more things my brain probably wants to say, but I literally just woke up when I started writing this lol. I hope that made sense. Again, I am not mad or trying to be rude, but I think these things needed pointing out. ♡

—

That's it. Sums up my beliefs and my convictions as a larrie.

#larry stylinson #thoughts on larry #current thoughts on larry #food for thought #mine

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rin-and-jade · 3 days ago

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Love-Me, Love-Me-Nots Daisy : A Guide on Navigating In-Sys Relationships

Romantic relationship, situationship, friendship, kinship, partnership.. There's way too much to list in just one sentence!

Here's a random fact for this topic; People say first impression is reliable to know of the other person, and surprisingly they're only 51% accurate when it's about judging wether a person is extroverted. But will you be able to judge better when it comes to your own alters as you technically live in the same headspace?

All that aside, this post will address inner relationships as a whole. Use this chance to see this topic outside of the romantic stereotype that we always see! (X-mas Activity included)

FAST PASS: Not available--this is an important occasion, read the full post!

What's a "relationship" with no romance, then?

according to this quote,

"a continuing and often committed association between two or more people, as in a family, friendship, marriage, partnership, or other interpersonal link in which the participants have some degree of influence on each other’s thoughts, feelings, and actions." - Merriam Webster

Basically, it means there's atleast two people committing with the connection they have formed with each other to qualify as a relationship, no matter the form.

When it comes to systems, it is up to themselves to see alters as separate people, or as different versions of itself,, the idea still can be applied here: as rebuilding the connection you lost/dissociated with your yet-to-be-integrated personalities/facets.

Being a system is a relationship already?!

Well--yeah!

But let me explain a bit here.

As a complex living being, our brain is made to adapt through tasks that requires multifaceted thinking. This would mean you would incorporate both logical and emotional thoughts, curious and cautious perspectives, and any behavioral or social habits or patterns you have learnt which all condenses into one singular conclusion or action that seems to be the best for a current situation--which is also dependent on how your thought processes work.

That is the basic depiction of integrated thinking to agree on a solution, but for systems--this is fragmented, leaving short-sighted solutions based on each facets, which bypasses the "filter" to integrate multiple ideas as one. Now, creating many different solutions or outcomes you could take, which is equal to the amount of alters actively participating on the discussion.

I... guess you're still confused, which is why i prepared this visual representation:

This should explain everything i had described beforehand. Now im not sure if the quality is the best..

So yes, as a complex being, you had already own different views which take skills to talk it out into one unified resolution.

Especially, if your different views you have can influence what actions, feelings, or reaction you get. That's your own emotional and mental dynamic when it comes to navigating your own map of thoughts. A literal relationship with the self..!

Eg. "I love this food! But i can't eat too much or else i'll feel sick" When you have a passion of food driven by emotional resonance, you still have a logical side that completes the thought to exact a reasoning without over-eating.

A.. Self Relationship..?

It's not a cringe thing at all. Trust. No cap.

There's literally a concept named self-care, which focuses on maintaining your health, emotional wellness, and enrichment in your life. Another term accepted widely by society is a self-date where you treat yourself similarly like a partner, focuses on practicing self love--this one would talk about how do you approach your different views (or alters, for systems), as a form of self regulation and processing.

To put this within context, you're a system, and, that means there are multiple parts of yourselves (or people) that are separated through dissociative barriers. This means you are disconnected with the majority of your multifaceted nature,, which also means you do not have a good relationship with yourself.

Simply put, this is where you learn to meet your needs again. As described from the hierarchy of needs by Maslow.

From a more general view, a negative relationship with yourself looks like:

A sense of distrust with your gut feelings

Unable to accept certain feelings or traits of your own

Self-blame/hate

Ignoring/neglecting your emotional and mental health

Unsure of your likes, dislikes, or favorite things

Not allowing yourself to be authentic (masking)

Operates in shame and focusing on failures

Not feeling you have worth or deserving of good things

Internal suppressing (notable for alter dynamics in systems)

System things that branch out from a negative relationship with yourself additionally appears as:

Fighting for front with different parts

Oftentimes arguing, playing down other's opinion

Feeling uncomfortable around headmates

Crippling sense of loneliness/disconnection amidst your alters

Things like shame, guilt, negative opinions of others, or poor treatment often shapes an unhealthy relationship with yourself.

The reason behind this is when your external environment is an enemy (eg. instead of supporting, you're being blamed) to you and your integrity, you may consciously or unconsciously pick up behaviors where you must abandon yourself to appease others and survive better, which means you have been taught to be an enemy of your own in order to live. Absolutely not nice.

Oh god. Can i ever break from this habit?

Ofcourse you can, but oftentimes your system are not in terms with some or most alters at the first place. It is normal to have a difficult or a conflicted dynamic within your other selves, and, you totally can shift this negative relationship with your own parts into a healthier and cooperative one!

It's better to take it nice and slow--i'll briefly show the steps on how to start demolishing this tensioned dynamic:

Inspire yourself with the idea of how working together would help in tackling difficult days.

Be aware of your negative thoughts or reactions when interacting with your parts, make sure that you don't act out on it. Also take this as a sign to un-learn some sabotaging or passive aggressive behaviors!

Help bringing awareness to the collective of their reactive behaviors, and reflect what can be done to increase better communication without conflict involved.

Parts often listen to their own egos--not caring about other alters and doing impulsive things while fronting. Bring clarity to how their actions impact the collective, and even themselves at the future. This would help foster more teamwork.

After some degree of awareness and cooperation has been established, do small acts of kindness for each other to strengthen the bond. This is also a good time to give roles and jobs, ensuring trust and that your back is covered.

The rest of this phase is up to you and how your natural dynamic and system works, good luck!

Waddya think of in-sys romance then..

We've briefed ourselves on what relationship constitutes as, and what does it mean generally to systems. Which means, In-sys partners and their romantic relationship is a valid (plural form) of fostering self love, akin to self-dates.

A good cooperation with your alters means a good relationship and terms with any alters you have--wether they have a purpose or not in your system. When it comes to internal romance situations, it focuses as a specific integration that your alters are going through. This will create a fusion between two or more headmates due to the dissociative barriers between them broke down.

It takes a long way to start loving yourself after years of internal disputes and conflict which perpetuates the high dissociation with each other, don't feel ashamed of it!

Are romantic relationships mandatory?

No they are not, but they are one of the most intimate, personal forms of self bonding. You still can heal and bond through cooperation and camaraderie, and everyone's styles are different, so let's not judge 'em.

Of course, romantic relationships within your system offers some pros that a normal comrade-dynamic cannot replicate:

Deeper understanding of your alters emotionally

Getting your love-needs met when you never received any proper care

Often faster to start integrating than a typical relationship

Another way to work around negative sense of worth and habits

Definitely, with some cons too:

Some alters are not compatible together, which creates friction

Unresolved habits or beliefs that blocks them from truly embracing love and care

Often frowned upon to have in-sys partners by communities, that prevents them from fully immersing in it

It brings up uncomfortable or painful truths or unresolved trauma, then to be faced and healed from

Not an extensive list, but you now got the idea. Use this list to prepare or broaden your knowledge on what romantic relationships look like!

Lastly. Did you also know that you can have parental dynamics in your system? it is similar to the romantic one, yet now driven with a different kind of love, just like a caretaker with their child parts. They are also important to heal, and feel safer after having trauma from younger times.

Takeaway & Together Activities

At the end of the day, no matter how many daisies you've plucked, a flower can't tell what's the answer to your internal relationships--romantically or not, for your system.

How do you see system dynamics differently now? There are many lessons packed in one posts that you could bring home. I definitely think that internal relationships are rarely discussed, so i gave it my all to create this entire topic, consisting of different system dynamics!

Lastly, internal relationships don’t need to be limited to serious work--they can also be fostered through shared joy and celebration! With Christmas approaching, here’s the five-day activity plan to build your bond together as i promised previously:

DAY 1

Reflect on how far you've all come. The year is coming to an end, what are the proudest moments or milestones of your system journey this year?

DAY 2

The day after reflection, what gratitude do you have for your alters? It's best to let them know you truly appreciate their work and efforts to keep things afloat before new years--let them know you feel supported by them, and willing to support them back!

DAY 3

Discuss how you would spend the whole day with others/your partner. Do you like outings? Watching movies? Or do you have multiple recommendations to do? Even if you are limited to night time only, go for it! You deserve a day to do the things you want.

DAY 4

There's one day left before the famous holiday, Take a moment to ponder on what you could get for others--if there's no money, consider a homemade gift like a memorial art, or letters,, make sure to keep them a secret before the day.

DAY 5

Don't forget to give each other's presents if you have prepared from the day before. Any consumables are also allowed to be bought on this day. Merry Christmas everyone!

On a personal note. This post took two weeks- augh-

- c

#did #actually did #did community #did osdd #did system #dissociative identity disorder #sysblr #jeducates

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officerwhitmore · 2 days ago

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One of the things Vincent had begun to admire about Tony was just how… thoughtful he was. He had a way of watching Vince with his full attention, eyes roving his face for any minute movement or emotional indications, the gears in his brain slowly turning as he processed Vince’s every word. Even when he was silent, he seemed to be thinking. Processing his next response or lack thereof. It wasn’t lost on Vincent that sometimes, perhaps even oftentimes, whatever Vincent said or did seemed to make the man speechless. It wasn’t something they had in common. Vincent had a tendency to speak before he thought, lending to a whirlwind of words and sentiments that were only halfway relevant; Tony took his time. Chewed on them. Lingered.

Often, that meant that Tony said less than Vincent would’ve liked, leaving Vincent with very few words he could use to interpret what Tony was thinking. Like exactly now, when Tony’s only response to Vince’s monologue about serendipity was a mere, ‘Yeah, I remember you said that.’ That was all. Nothing else. It nearly made Vince frustrated because he saw it in his eyes, he knew that he was thinking and not speaking; that he was holding something back. It made Vince feel impatient. Rarely did he appreciate things like that. He valued honesty, openness — transparency, in a word. At least in relationships with people who meant something to him. It was a thought that brought with it an unwelcome realization. He’d begun to apply those expectations to this man whom he never intended to speak to again. Relationship expectations, serious standards, like this would (or even could or should, for that matter) become anything more. And wasn’t that a fucking loaded word. ‘More.’ More could mean friends, friends with benefits, fuckbuddies. More could mean… partners. Or whatever one called the cheating equivalent.

None of those things could, would, or should ever happen, but there was some stupid part of him that looked at Tony’s face and thought that if he ever did, for whatever reason, choose a friend, fuckbuddy, or (affair) partner, Tony would be… perfect. As perfect as Vincent was saying he was at this very minute, circling and pinching Tony’s nipple until he threw his head back and sighed and rolled his hips, the picture of want and bliss. Vincent’s doing. If Stella had ever responded to Vincent like that, he couldn’t remember. Couldn’t remember them doing anything like this — this sexual intimacy while conveying something personal, this hybrid communication, this strange body-speak that Vincent had always believed only occurred in fiction.

This was incalculably dangerous. Vince’s thoughts, Vincent’s words, Vincent’s tender treatment of the man beneath him. If he’d been looking for a casual wam-bam fuck that send him back into the world cum-drunk and never bother him again, he’d clearly chosen the wrong guy. This guy was too compelling, too gorgeous, too sweet, too good. Too… special. Too perfect. Perfect enough that Vincent had made the mistake of telling him twice. Not once, but two times. Reinforced himself, assured Tony that he was serious as a heart attack, so he better believe it. And Tony, this compelling, gorgeous, sweet, and special guy, nodded for him, head back, eyes closed, listening closely to Vincent’s every word.

Then Vincent kissed him more sweetly than he had any business doing for a hookup, and Tony sighed against his lips, squeezed his thigh, and held his hand a little harder.

It was encouraging to see Tony pass his eyes down to his cock as Vincent stroked himself and told him all about how badly he needed this, pulling at Tony’s belt and boxers to get the slimmest peek of what he was hiding beneath them. When Vincent gripped at himself at the base of his cock to stave off an imminent orgasm, Tony took it upon himself to sabotage his efforts, wrapping his hand around the top of his cock and circling the tip with the pad of his thumb, the stimulation running through Vince’s body like electricity, making him shiver and moan. He gripped himself harder, but the effort was nearly futile as Tony slid his opposite hand up his thigh and to his hip, where he squeezed him once, then to his bare side, where he squeezed him again. Vince would never tire of his palms, his warmth, his gentle touch. It would always make him shudder; make him feel that flutter he could never bite back.

Vince was in so much pleasure that he hardly opened his eyes in time to see Tony smile at him with perfect lips and straight white teeth, and the image was so stunning it took his breath away. Vincent had never been happier to be thanked. And when Tony finally said it, finally acknowledged Vince’s musings on serendipity, the flutter in his chest bloomed into something so dangerous, Vincent had no other choice but to slide off of his lap, lest he do or say something even more stupid than calling him perfect.

Vincent’s gut twisted at the sight of Tony’s predatory grin, the heat and hunger so raw, it was almost intimidating — but only in the best of ways. Stepping between Tony’s legs and smoothing his palms up his thighs as he passed himself down to his knees, Vincent had little doubt that Tony would use him the way he’d desired for the better half of his life. Looking up at Tony from between his knees, he put on that grin and told him to give it to him. His want, his hunger, his throbbing cock. The grin on Tony’s lips grew wider as he worked at his belt, deft hands making quick work of the thick silver buckle. Vincent’s eyes were glued to the cock that strained against Tony’s dark slacks, but he registered Tony’s compliment on his dirty talk, feeling a red flush creep up the back of his neck. With a soft scoff, he rolled his eyes and shook his head a little. “Oh yeah,” he said, voice thick with sarcasm as he watched Tony’ slip his thumb beneath the hem of his boxers. “I’m a total fucking sex god.”

The instant Tony lifted his hips and pushed his slacks and boxers down to the middle of his thighs, his cock sprang up and slapped the caramel plane of his abdomen with an audible noise that Vince only faintly heard over his own breathless groan. Somehow, Tony’s cock was even thicker than it had felt when he’d gripped it while pressed against the wall; even longer than it’d felt while pressed against his ass, warm and solid as Tony rolled his hips and forced it against him as hard as he could manage. Vincent’s mouth had already begun to water, eyes wide, jaw open, probably looking as braindead as a fucking lobotomite. It had to be a foot long, at least. At least.

“Holy fuck, Tony,” he said, more breath than speech. He only managed to meet his eyes for a moment before they snapped back down to the cock in front of him like a magnet. “This isn’t a dick, man, this is a fucking anaconda.” He might’ve chuckled at himself if he’d intended it as a joke, but the words were dead fucking serious. How Tony managed to walk with that beast hanging off of him was beyond his comprehension. Vincent had never felt happier to be a grower.

Vincent was so enamored with Tony’s cock, eyes tracing the thick veins that spidered up its length like lightning, that he fell forward when Tony brought him closer with a calf against his ass, catching his balance by tightening his grip on his thick thighs. A hard shudder quaked through him when Tony slid his fingers into his hair, blunt nails making his scalp tingle until he found the perfect spot and gripped it, tugging Vincent’s head close enough to smell the faint musk that came off of him, an unfamiliar drug that instantly became his new addiction.

’Open your mouth,’ Tony said, and it was an order if Vincent had ever heard one, spoken with full confidence that Vincent would obey. It struck something deep within Vince that he’d only ever suspected himself of possessing. A calm spread through him — the calm that came from surrendering his options willingly; letting someone else have the responsibility because he didn’t want it and not because they wanted to take it from him. A calm that started in his brain and bloomed deliciously through his entire being, centering in his throbbing cock. He felt his mouth fall open, wet and pink, and focused on the man’s deep brown eyes as Tony guided the head of his cock to his lips.

Vincent breathed a long, hard sigh as Tony’s cock slid against his bottom lip, back and forth and back again, soft and hot and as tender as their last kiss, though this time it was filthily sinful, Vincent’s eyes fluttering shut at the sheer thought of it sliding in deeper. Tony lifted it up the instant Vincent slid his tongue out for a taste, and Vince nearly whined at the teasing, shuddering as the man tapped it against his lips. ’Tongue first,’ Tony said, to which Vince frustratedly thought, ’Yeah, that was the plan,’ but kept inside his head for fear that Tony would tease him again if he said it. The man’s next order, however, ’No teeth,’ cracked through the last of his patience and he huffed a frustrated little laugh and shot him a glance that might’ve contained a bit of fond annoyance, though it was softened by the smile on his lips. “Right,” he breathed, a bit sarcastic. “Let me just retract my fangs real quick.”

Vincent’s small grin faded as he looked back down at Tony’s cock, jaw slackening, lips falling open, eyes going dark and hooded as the lust all flooded back into his brain at once and nearly made him feel dizzy. “God, you’re perfect,” he breathed, lips a hair’s breadth away from Tony’s tip before gently pressing against it, mouth tingling at the texture of the soft, warm skin. “God, you’re beautiful,” he murmured, and gave it a wet, lingering kiss before closing his eyes and taking his tongue to the tip, flattening it against the head of Tony’s cock in one long, wet stripe, tasting skin and salt and something else he couldn’t describe with any word other than Tony’s name.

Once he got that first taste, he couldn't get enough of it, tilting his chin down to lick at the underside with broad, curious strokes, ducking a little to get lower, lower, as he pressed hot, sloppy, open-mouthed kisses down its length. He stopped when his lips met Tony’s hand, giving him one last kiss before dragging his tongue up the underside in one slow, wet stroke, tasting every vein along the way and moaning against him. By the time he reached the very tip, his slow, steady breaths had turned into hard, hot, pants, shoulders rising and falling with every inhale. Catching his breath, he looked down at Tony’s cock for a good, long moment and worked his tongue in his mouth, building up spit, thinking in detail about the process he’d used to swallow those stupid fucking bananas. It’d been a decade, at least — the last time he’d done it was about three years into his employment with the PHPD, purely for the amusement of his assigned partner, a lovely older lady who told him to ’Prove it or shut up, sweetie.’ She was stunned into silence. After an awkward HR visit, he was assigned a new partner the next week for some reason. Fucking boomers, man.

Closing his eyes, he mouthed the process to himself for a moment, nodding minutely as he ran through it. Build spit, relax throat, etcetera etcetera fucking do it already, he’s gonna blow any minute. Taking a deep breath, he looked up at Tony through his eyelashes, unable to resist giving him a slow, mischievous smirk. “You ready?” he asked, voice low and rough with lust, a little boyish, a little playful. "You're not gonna believe this shit, dude, check it out.”

Then he leaned down and ran his tongue in a slow, wet circle around the head of Tony’s cock, eyes fluttering shut at the heat and texture of it. Kissing the tip for a long, teasing moment, he parted his lips and sucked Tony’s cock inside, instantly devastated by a long, shuddering moan as his mouth was filled in one measure, Tony’s cock hot as sin against his slurping tongue. His chest rose in a steady breath as he relaxed his throat and swallowed it deeper, the act of being filled sending a shiver down his spine as Tony’s cock disappeared into his throat inch by inch. A ripple of heat spread through his body like an infection, silencing his thoughts, his throat flexing rhythmically as it accommodated Tony size. He only stopped when his lips met Tony’s fist, jaw aching, throat burning with the intrusion. Overcome by lust, desire, boiling heat, he slid a hand off of Tony’s thigh, pulled the man’s hand off of his cock by the wrist, and forced himself the rest of the way down until the tip of his nose was buried in the coarse, dark hair at the base of Tony’s cock.

Vincent’s own cock twitched between his legs, pressed flush against the cool leather couch as it throbbed almost painfully, woefully untouched. Taking long, hot breaths, he didn’t move until Tony told him to, luxuriating in the strange, raw bliss he found in being filled by Tony so completely. No hunger, no fear, no anxiety. No pain, no guilt, no shame. He didn’t even want to die.

And it occurred to him in one strange, slow moment, that for the first time perhaps in his entire life, he felt truly okay.

It was no surprise to hear Vince admit he’d gone through therapy. Not to speak poorly of crying or anything - everyone did that, including him recently - but it just somehow added to his vision of Vince as someone who had his shit together. If Vince had problems (and everyone had problems of some kind) then of course he did the responsible adult thing. He went to therapy, dealt with it, and continued to deal with it. Vince didn’t seem like the kind of guy to wallow. Tony bet then and there that he didn’t sit around and drink cheap shitty beer and fall asleep in front of a cheap shitty television watching football because sleeping slouched on the couch was sometimes nominally more comfortable on his back than sleeping on a broken-down mattress that sagged in the worst places, and the football reminded him of when he could watch anything he wanted on a huge wide-screen high-definition television while sitting in a comfortably plush leather recliner. It was a Lay-Z-Boy brand recliner, electric adjustable footrest and back, with a cupholder on the side and a pair of USB charger plug-ins for phones, video game controllers, anything that used such a connection. It was the damn fanciest chair and it was like sitting on a cloud.

Right now, if he wasn’t so focused on Vince in his lap, he’d be paying more attention to feeling the frame and lumps of the couch under him. If he moved a few inches to the left, he’d have a wooden bar pressed into his lower back and another one under his leg that cut off circulation if you sat there for too long.

Not running into many good people was a hell of an understatement, as it applied to his entire life. Sadly, it wasn’t just the people around him that were not good. He wasn’t a good person himself. The quiet realization that the only good person who he’d been around for a very long time was sitting in his lap at this very minute blossomed in his mind - and in his chest. Tony tried not to think about what that feeling meant, but it was hard to ignore. That sensation fluttered a little harder when Vince reminded him of his comment about serendipity dropping blessings into his lap.

“Yeah, I remember you said that,” Tony murmured quietly, nodding along. ’Meet someone who doesn’t give you bruises, brightens up your day, makes it easier’ Vince had said, sheepish and averting his eyes. It made him remember that the bruise Hana gave him was still on his arm - fading away, but not gone yet. It had been months since he’d had a truly bright day that he looked forward to until this one. Months since he had a day where everything wasn’t a struggle of some kind. Watching the way Vince took a breath and sucked on his bottom lip, there was a little flicker of something that came alive in his mind that he dare not put to words now. He couldn’t. He shouldn’t. It wasn’t right. He hadn’t earned the right to say or feel it. He was off-base and wrong and stupid and under no circumstances could he let Vince know that th- no, he wouldn’t even think it, he was that wrong. Vince was married and this was a hookup and they’d never speak about it again afterwards.

Tony did not deserve kindness, not after spending twenty-some years funneling tools of murder across the US/Mexico border in both directions and into the hands - directly or indirectly - of gang members, cartel goons, small-time criminals, drug pushers, and worse. God only knew what kinds of things his work made possible. Murder, no doubt. He may as well have blood on his own hands for that. It was the things worse than murder that ate away at him, that kept him up at night, that made him drink the shitty beer and accept this as punishment in the first place.

In some ways, he was not worthy of prison either, where he’d get three meals a day and a place to sleep guaranteed, with some opportunities for prison programs when he could prove he wasn’t a troublemaker. Not only that, he’d probably find some allies in prison. People he supplied, who would be happy to have him on their side again, who would commiserate with him for getting caught. He could tell them the story of Hana, and they’d all nod and understand how it could happen. They all thought with their dick at times, and quite a few probably had a woman on the outside despite the dangers they were in. The heart makes stupid decisions at the worst times. It made him think back to a comment he overheard once, many years ago, at a hazy club: ’Incluso Pinochet tenía una esposa.’ Even Pinochet had a wife.

Now that he was a C.I., he wouldn’t be welcomed like that. He was a traitor and a snitch - things somehow worse than being a murderer. He’d never been in prison before, but knew plenty of people who had, and knew well there was a social order within each one. Snitches and people who touched kids were at the very bottom, despite being worlds apart in terms of wrongdoing. Both usually wound up dead at the hands of fellow inmates. Even among scum, there was a pecking order.

It almost hurt that Vince knew so little about him that he could still truly believe Tony deserved kindness. And here he was, telling Tony he thought he was just the kind of guy to show kindness, the kind of person who is perfect. Looking into Vince’s eyes he could tell Vince wasn’t bullshitting him, admitting he might not know it all but at least he’d seen enough to make a judgment up to this point.

Was Vince right? He had no idea what it meant to be a good person anymore. He’d done bad things and been praised for it, and good things and been punished for it. The world was nonsensical like that.

The dark thoughts swirling around his head parted like drying storm clouds when Vince put a hand on his chest and circled his thumb around a nipple again. He leaned his head back against the couch and let out a heavy exhale, goosebumps racing along his skin when Vince rolled that skin between his fingers. That action made him roll his hips against Vince’s, nodding at the other man’s “Okay?”

He’d agree anything was okay if he could just get more of this. More touches, more kisses, more of those hands on his body, more of those moans filling his head. The kiss that followed - warm, gentle, and sweet - melted the last of those rain clouds from his brain. Watching Vince stroke himself in his lap, talking about how he’s needed it in a long fucking time, felt like the sun coming out again.

Tony reached forward with both hands: one settling on the head of Vince's cock to circle his thumb around the tip and tease him while he stroked, the other hand sliding up Vince's leg and coming to rest on his hip. He gave Vince's hip and side a squeeze, intending it to be a reassuring gesture. "Thank you," Tony murmured, smiling as his eyes went to Vince's face though he couldn't help but steal some glances downward. Watching Vince stroke himself was mesmerizing. "You're right. Serendipity and all of it."

The smile that crossed Tony’s lips at the sight of Vince getting on his knees between his legs was devilish, hungry, maybe even a little predatory. All previous thoughts about his moral and personal failings were out the window at the sight of a man this drop-dead gorgeous getting on his knees and practically begging to be told what to do.

“Good God, you really know what to say to get me hard as a rock, don’t you?” Tony murmured, easily parting his legs to make room for Vince. Whatever sadness there was in missing the sight of Vince’s cock was replaced by the imminent excitement of knowing what was to come. With his lap unencumbered now, he lifted his hips and pushed his slacks and boxers down off his hips, pushing them down to mid-thighs. He thought about just kicking them off entirely, but there was something sexy and desperate about going at this half-undressed yet.

Wrapping his hand around the base of his cock, he tucked one leg behind Vince’s back and nudged him close, reaching out for Vince’s hair with one hand as he did so. His fingers slid through Vince’s hair, tugging gently to pull him closer. “Open your mouth.” Tony’s voice was firm though not terribly loud - it was an order, not a request.

When Vince got closer, Tony guided the head of his cock to Vince’s lips, and gently slid the tip back and forth across Vince’s lower lip. It was light and teasing at first, the feeling of soft, warm, wet skin against the underside of the head of his cock inviting and tantalizing.

“Use your tongue first - gentle before picking up speed. No teeth.” He felt like he probably didn’t need to caution Vince against teeth, but giving a blowjob was a very different situation than receiving one and it was easy to forget once you got into it. He tapped his cock a few times against Vince’s lips, teasing him with it. After being hard this long, he could hardly wait to get himself inside Vince’s lips.

#come close #driftwood cove #Harborview Apartments #tony's apartment #anthony castile

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