#I really doubt that it’s JUST that. the whole reason I wrote this is because I got emotional over light pollution since I can’t see the -

[muontron]

A lot of people are upset or disappointed that modern science in astronomy is not so advanced yet to do all the cool hypothetical sci-fi stuff that we want to do—(intergalactic space travel, for instance, is a big kicker.)

So many people are so upset about this—the fact that we, as a species, inherently yearn to explore the vastness of space, but can’t because of , well—reality. And I understand that. But what really upsets me is that, This in turn, detaches people from Astronomy. Makes them think it’s boring-that there’s no POINT in doing all of this for space because it doesn’t directly seem to benefit us. And although I have many qualms about that statement, that isn’t the reason why I’m typing all of this out.

Listen— humanity is at that part of discovery and learning and innovation that what we can accomplish is—in my opinion, in its own right better in some ways— than what is the preconceived notions of what “advanced” humankind is supposed to look like.

Sure, we can’t fly a rocket to the Andromeda Galaxy, or terraform mars and live there, but you know what we can do?

Look at universes, other worlds, from long before the word “human” even MEANT something. See the distant past as if it was right in front of us. Send rovers and satellites and flybys to planets to send us data so we can do research on what COULD be there. Anyone can research about the universe if they so wished to, and all this information is available to anyone that chooses to accept it. …and, It always has been. Humanity has always looked at the stars for answers, whether that be scientific, religious, or spiritual—and I think that’s beautiful in its own right.

You will always have the choice to enjoy Astronomy— it’ll be there anyways, forever. You don’t need to be there-there to love it, because you’re right where you need to be. you just need to look up.

[atlabeth]

in over my head

masterlist

pairing: spencer reid x fem gideon!reader

summary: between all the arguments, you and spencer begin to understand each other a little bit more.

a/n: wauw.... out of nowhere i wrote 4k words and finished this chapter in one night... god bless spencer reid. i hope you all enjoy. r's cold heart is finally starting to defrost. title from the fray song

wc: 5k

warning(s): arguing, case discussions (stalking, murder, etc), talk of parental neglect, hurt w/o comfort then hurt/comfort. r lowkey freaking out this whole fic. the usual good time

You lean against the wall, trying to keep your breathing as quiet as possible. 

You don’t really want Spencer to know you were eavesdropping on him the whole time. You don’t really want him to see the look on your face because he defended you to your dad. 

He— he should expect it, shouldn’t he? He’s sitting out in the living room on the phone, and you’re you. It’s only natural you’d listen in on him. 

Spencer defended you to your dad— mouthed off to him in very un-Spencer-like fashion. 

Why? 

From what you’d gathered, he practically worshipped the guy. Even if he didn’t, your dad was still his superior. It didn’t really seem like any kind of good idea to talk back to him. 

But he did. 

For you. 

You thought Spencer merely tolerated you because he had to. You wouldn’t blame him, the way you treated him. So why would he do something like that for you?

You’re jarred out of your thoughts when you hear Spencer say your name. You blink back into yourself to see him standing in front of you, and you feel your face burn. 

So much for not being obvious. 

“I’m assuming you heard everything?” he asks.

You nod. You have the decency to not insult his intelligence, at least. 

“That means we can go over everything,” Spencer says, already starting to walk away. “Come on.”

You frown. You expected him to be mad at you for eavesdropping, or use what he did for you as leverage for something, or— or do anything but act normal. 

You shake yourself out of your thoughts once again as you follow him back to the living room. Spencer sits back down on the couch and you tentatively sit across from him. 

“I don’t want what I said to scare you,” he says. “Hernandez may be our lead right now, but I doubt it’ll stay that way. Elle and Morgan are going to check him out, and I’ll get another call once they do.”

You blink. Of course he’d expect you to be focused on that part—your stalker, the threat against your life, the whole reason you’re in here. Not Spencer sticking up for you. 

“Right,” you say. “Do you think it’s him?”

“Honestly? No.” Spencer sighs and shakes his head. “You heard what I said. He doesn’t fit the profile—he’s a man who made the worst choices of his life when he lost everything. If he’s been released, he might have actually changed. We’re only on him because he’s all we’ve got.”

“…Good,” you say. “Strangling wouldn’t be my top way to go.”

“You need to stop talking like that,” he says. 

“I need to stop doing a lot of things,” you respond. “Any idea how much longer we’ll be in here?”

Spencer shakes his head. “We’re here until this case is solved or our cover is blown.”

You huff. “Like if this guy finds us again?”

He nods. “But that shouldn’t happen. Elle, Gideon, Hotch, and Strauss are the only ones who know about this place, and they’re obviously sworn to silence.”

“Strauss?”

“Erin Strauss,” he says. “The BAU’s section chief.” 

“Ah.” You realize you’re still holding your mug, now empty, and you lean forward to set it on the table. “What happens if we’re made?” 

“You’ve got to stop thinking about the worst case scenarios,” Spencer says. “Pessimism doesn’t just make anxiety, depression, and paranoia worse—it can raise your blood pressure, increase your chance of cardiovascular problems, and mess with your immune system. It’s literally bad for your health.” 

“Well, what else am I supposed to do?” you ask. “I’ve got a stalker and we didn’t realize until he’d been watching me for a month. Your team has only got one lead and you don’t even think it’s the right one. That sounds pretty negative to me.” 

“We’re still at the beginning of this case,” Spencer says. “It usually takes a few bodies for us to figure out what’s really going on and find the unsub in our regular cases.” 

You stare at him, and he seems to realize what he’s actually said. 

“Of course, there won’t be any bodies in this case!” he rushes. “You— you’re going to be perfectly fine!” 

“You’re really not great at reassurance,” you say wryly as you pick up your cup and stand up, “are you?” 

“Homicides only occur in two percent of stalking cases!” Spencer continues, his voice rising as you go into the kitchen. “A- and you might not even be the primary target! If anything, he might be going after your dad!” 

By now you’ve finished filling your mug again. You stop at the edge of the hallway when he finishes, leveling a tired look at him. 

“Thanks, Spence. That really helps.” 

You walk back to your room, and once again, you only close the door halfway to humor his concerns. 

If you’d lingered a little longer, you would have been able to see his frown. 

“Spence?” he murmurs in confusion.

-

The rest of the day goes by smoother than you thought it would, largely because Spencer keeps his distance and you don’t fight it. 

You busy yourself with more cleaning—you never finished it after your last outburst—and when you finish that, you read. You find Pride and Prejudice in the box of books the BAU provided, and it’s a good distraction. You’d much rather worry about the problems of the Bennets rather than your own. 

You end up cooking first, and you offer Spencer some of your pasta when you finish. He initially looks shocked at the olive branch, but you figure you owe him something for all he’s put up with. 

You don’t tell him that, of course. You just tell him he has five seconds to make a decision before you finish the rest, and he snaps out of it pretty quickly. 

(“I promise I’m capable of cooking,” he says as he spoons a helping into his bowl. “I— I just don’t have much time for it. We’re always out on cases so we go to a lot of restaurants, and I get take-out at home because I get home at ungodly hours.” 

“Just shut up and eat your food,” you say. “I don’t need to hear your opening statement.” 

“Actually, I wouldn’t call this an opening statement. It’s more of—” 

“Oh my god.” You pick up your bowl and walk off. “Goodbye.”

“I think it’s more of a witness testimony!” he calls out.)

A similar thing happens with dinner, where you pull out the old reliable of chicken and rice. Dressed up a bit with some of the vegetables that are somehow already on the verge of going bad, but still the same thing you’ve eaten a million times throughout your life. You don’t really feel like cooking, but you also don’t feel like having to hear Spencer set the smoke alarm again, so you settle for this. 

(“You know,” Spencer says as he cuts into a chicken thigh, “I should really be trying everything first. Just in case there’s poison or something.” 

You stifle your incredulous laugh. “How would there be poison in anything? You all bought and brought this stuff in.” 

He shrugs. “I don’t know. But you can never be too careful.” 

“You’re ridiculous,” you say. “I— I think that is the most ridiculous thing you’ve said since I’ve met you.”

“I hope you’re not challenging me,” Spencer says. “Because I can beat it very easily.���) 

Between that, he calls out on occasion to make sure you’re still alive. You think it’s stupid, but it seems to ease his mind, so you play along.

He gets a call from your dad late at night, which he then goes on to relay to you—Agents Greenaway and Morgan paid a visit to Adam Hernandez, and they weren’t able to find anything suspicious. Penelope Garcia is going to comb through everything she can find on what he’s done since his release before they officially abandon the lead, but Hernandez is on parole and hasn’t violated it once—he seems to be clean. 

You don’t know whether you’re thankful for that or not. On one hand, you want this to be over. Getting lucky on the first suspect would be great. On the other hand, having a face to all of this scares you more than not knowing. You still have the chance to deny that all of this is real, really real—when they find their guy, you can’t do that anymore. There’s actually someone out there that wants to hurt you. 

The thought crossed your mind more often than not. 

Other than that, he doesn’t really bother you. Another thing where you don’t really know if you’re thankful or not. 

It’s close to midnight, and though you haven’t been able to sleep, you’re ready to accept this as another, thankfully non eventful day. 

But then there’s a huge flash of lightning, visible even through your closed blinds, followed closely by a deafening crack of thunder, and your whole body freezes up. Your hands stop on the page you were on, and a chill runs all the way through you despite the layers of covers you’re under. 

Rain has been pittering against the house for half the night, and you can deal with rain. You can’t deal with thunderstorms. 

You let out a deep breath, trying to calm yourself down. The absolute last thing you need to do is work yourself into a panic attack and get Spencer involved. You don’t think you could take the embarrassment. 

You attempt to go back to your book. You’d just arrived at Mr. Collins’ unsuccessful marriage proposal, but you can hardly focus. It doesn’t help when lightning illuminates your room once again, a clap of thunder sounding even quicker after, and your lamp flickers for a moment. This is actually the last thing you need—for the power to go out. 

A knock on your door suddenly sounds, and you nearly jump out of your skin. You’re already on edge and the storm’s just barely started. You hear Spencer call your name and ask if you’re awake, and you clear your throat before you respond. 

“What do you want?” You try to keep your voice as level as possible, but it wavers ever so slightly. 

“Can I come in?” 

You don’t want him to see you like this. “Is there something wrong?” 

“It’s the storm,” he says, and he doesn’t wait for you to respond. “I’m coming in.”

You have all of two seconds to make sure you don’t look as pathetic as you feel before Spencer walks in.

He looks like he just got out of bed. He’s wearing a Caltech crewneck and sweatpants, and his glasses are about to fall off his face. His disheveled appearance is in stark contrast to his usual image, with dress pants and button-ups and sweater vests galore. One of his hands clenches around the doorframe, and he uses the other to haphazardly push his glasses up as he sets his eyes on you.

“You need to come back into the living room,” Spencer says. 

“And good evening to you too.” You try not to look at him. You’ve learned that’s the best policy when it comes to him and those stupid glasses. “Why?”

“Because there’s a storm going on, and the power’s already flickered,” he says. “I don’t want to lose track of you if it does go out.”

“If the power goes out, we’re in the open out there,” you say. “If you’re so worried about it, you should stay in here.”

You expect a fight, but he just sighs and sits down in the chair across from your bed. “Fine.”

You frown. “That was easy.”

“I don’t feel like fighting with you over every little thing,” he says simply. “You might enjoy it, but I don’t. So I’m trying to take the path of least resistance.”

“That’s no fun,” you say.

“Well, you’re not very fun to be around,” Spencer says. He glances at you for a split second before his gaze goes back to the wall. “So.”

“Well, neither are you!” You don’t mean for your retort to come out so defensively, and you cringe as he looks back at you. It’s impossible to be around profilers without them knowing your every intent. You’d hate to know all the thoughts he’s had about you. “I might turn everything into a fight, but you turn everything into a drag.” 

“You’re doing it again,” he says. You expect him to go on, but he leaves it that. You find your brows furrowing deeper. 

“And?” 

“Maybe if you recognize your patterns, you’ll stop,” he says. “Sometimes people don’t realize they're doing something until it’s pointed out to them.” 

You huff. “How many times do I have to tell you not to psychoanalyze me?” 

“I don’t choose to do it,” Spencer says. You don’t miss the slight bite behind his words, and it almost makes you smile. As much as he doesn’t want to give you a fight, he can’t really help himself. You tend to bring out the worst in people. “It just happens in my brain automatically.” 

“Try to hold back,” you say. “It—”

Your words die in your throat with another crash of thunder, almost simultaneous with the lightning. It shakes the whole house, and you can’t help the full body flinch that wracks you, almost freezing completely. The power flickers again, and then it goes out altogether. You don’t even hold back your groan of annoyance. 

“Of course,” you grit out. “Of fucking course.” 

“Are you okay?” You look at him despite yourself, and even in the dark you can see the concern in his eyes. It makes your hands clench into fists beneath the sheets.

“Fine,” you mutter. “It doesn’t matter.”

Spencer frowns. “Of course it does.”

You scoff. “No, it doesn’t.”

“Why would it not matter?” he asks incredulously. “You— you’re clearly distressed, and holding it back isn’t helping anyone.” 

“Maybe I just like silence.” 

“Well, you clearly don’t like storms.” 

“How’d you figure that one, genius?” you mutter. You wrap your arms around yourself and pull your knees up to your chest, trying to lessen the sudden chill you feel. 

“...Normally, I would give you a real answer,” Spencer says. “But based on the lecture you just gave me—” 

“You figured right,” you snap. It only takes a second—and those stupid, soft eyes of his to dart away again—for you to feel… bad. 

He sighs and shakes his head as he stands up. “I’m going to get a candle. Stay put.” 

You tense as he walks out. Your whole body does, actually. You don’t know what it is about him or those stupid eyes that always manage to skirt out sympathy from you. 

You should feel gratified. At the start of this, you wanted to push Spencer to his limits—he’s too nice for his own good, and you wanted him to not only give you a more concrete reason to hate him, but get a reason to hate you back. Then you wouldn’t have to deal with this one-sided rivalry with the apparent saint of the BAU. 

But you don’t. You feel bad, and you hate it. You hate it more than any reasonable person should, but then again—you’ve never been reasonable. 

Spencer comes back in sooner rather than later, two lit candles in his hands. You can see the on-sale sticker plastered on the side of both, and you suppress a laugh. It’s something so small but so typical. 

“One’s vanilla, and one is,” he squints as he shifts it in his hand to read, “beach escape. What does a beach escape even smell like?” He shakes his head, then looks at you. “Which one do you—” 

“I’m sorry,” you interrupt. You blurt it out before you can even stop yourself. 

This time, it’s Spencer’s turn to frown. His face is illuminated from beneath by the candlelight and it gives him an almost haunting beauty, highlighted with yellow and white along his jawline and cheekbones. The flames are mirrored in the lenses of his glasses. “For what?” 

“For snapping.” You almost snap at him again out of instinct, and you let out a long, loose sigh in an effort to try and chill out for once. “Sorry. Again.” 

“Oh.” He stands there for a moment holding the two candles, and it could be a laughable sight were you not near consumed with guilt. “Uh— it’s okay.” 

“No, it’s not.” 

“Fine,” he says, “it’s not. Which candle do you want?” 

“Which one do you want?” 

“This isn’t where you have to start the ‘being nice to me’ thing,” Spencer says. “They’re kind of starting to burn my hands.” 

“Beach escape,” you say. He nods and sets it on your bedside table, then sits back down in his chair after placing the vanilla one in the window sill. 

“You… seem a little pent up,” Spencer says after letting the silence dwell for a beat. His shoulders have relaxed some, not hunched up almost to his ears. Small victories, at least.

“I don’t talk about my emotions much,” you respond in equal fashion. “It’s not really my thing.” 

He shrugs. “Why not start now?” 

You laugh. “Why would I ever start now?” 

“You said it yourself,” he says. “I have a psychology degree. I’m a good listener.”

“You interrupt me all the time to say stuff.”

“You interrupt me all the time too, so I guess we’re even.” Spencer shifts in his chair. “Besides, I can listen when it’s important. And this is.”

You stare at him. He stares back. 

He has beautiful eyes even in the dark, and you hate that you can’t deny it. Deep brown like the oaks surrounding this place, that shine like pools of honey in the firelight, that always seem to soften just so when he looks at you.

You break first. You have to look away. You always have to look away. 

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” you manage. “I was a latchkey kid. Storms happened a lot when I was home alone and they scared me. I guess they still do. Happy?” 

“Believe it or not, your pain doesn’t make me happy,” Spencer says. 

“I didn’t think it did,” you say, trying your best to snap. 

He nods. “So we’re in agreement?” 

“I—” you pause, a slight frown creasing your brows. “I guess.” 

Spencer nods again, and he leans forward a bit. “Wasn’t that a lot better than fighting with me, getting upset, and isolating yourself?” 

You scowl. “Don’t you dare therapize me.” 

“It’s hard not to,” Spencer says. “Especially when you seem determined to make our conversations one-sided.” 

You scoff. “I do not.” 

“You act like talking to me is a physical pain.” He crosses his arms. “You locked yourself in the bathroom last night to avoid talking to me.” 

“I locked myself in the bathroom so I wouldn’t lose my mind in front of you,” you say. “Just because I know everything about you doesn’t mean I want you to know everything about me.” 

Spencer scoffs. “You don’t know everything about me.”

“My dad talks about you more than you think,” you say. “About your whole team—but especially you.”

“Where am I from?” he asks. 

“Vegas,” you say. “He mentions it every time you beat him at cards.”

“That— that doesn’t really matter,” he says. “I know you’re from Fairfax.” 

“The worst place in the world,” you say emphatically. You can’t believe you’ve been stuck in NoVa your whole life. “Doesn’t count, though. You’re an FBI agent—you’re supposed to know things like this.” 

“So it counts when you know it, but it doesn’t count when I do?” Spencer asks. 

You nod. “I’ve heard about Penelope Garcia. I’m more surprised you don’t know everything about me by now.” 

“Me too,” he says. “Garcia can find anything. Gideon really did a good j—” 

He stops in the middle of his sentence, his eyes widening slightly as he clamps his mouth shut. 

“What?” You lean forward, looking him in the eye. “He did a good job doing what?” 

“I don’t want to start another argument,” he says. 

“Oh, poor you.” You don’t think you could sound more sarcastic if you tried. “You don’t want to hear me talk about my absent father that didn’t have time for me because he was too busy with you.” You glance away. “You don’t know what it feels like.” 

“There’s something you don’t know about me then,” Spencer says. “Because I do.” 

“Unless your dad’s ignored you all his life in favor of his job and the stray genius he found there, you really don’t.” 

“My dad left when I was a kid because he couldn’t deal with my mom’s schizophrenia,” Spencer retorts. His words get you to look right back at him—they’re not overly sharp or exceedingly soft, just matter-of-fact. “I haven’t seen him since. So you’re right—I don’t know exactly what it’s like, but I know a hell of a lot more than you think.” 

Regret hits you immediately, sour and spiny as it settles in your chest. You’ve been an asshole to him this whole time, and all along he’s held this inside of him? All along, you’ve been accusing him of stealing your life from you when he’s lost more than you have. 

For a moment, you can only stare at him, at a loss for words. He meets your eyes in equal measure. You might know a lot about Spencer Reid, but you’re quickly realizing you don’t know Spencer Reid. 

“Guess we’re a lot more similar than you thought,” he says in your silence. 

“I’m so sorry, Spencer,” you murmur, finally managing to muster up words. “That’s awful. You didn’t deserve that.” 

“No one does,” he shrugs. This time, he’s the one to look away. “But it is what it is.” 

“How can you just say that?” you ask. You lean forward, a frown creasing your brows. “How are you not just— just angry all the time? That your dad doesn’t give a fuck about you or your mom?” 

“For a while, I was.” He chuckles, but there’s no heart in it. “I was angry at everyone. My dad, my mom, the adults around me— I hated myself most of all. It’s part of the reason I was so good in school. I didn’t want to think about it, I didn’t want to deal with it, so I studied as hard as I could, read as much as humanly possible.” He smiles thinly at nothing in particular. “Turns out I’m very good at avoiding things when I want to.” 

You shake your head with a scoff. “You’re a better person than I am. I would have hunted him down by now and given him a piece of my mind.” 

“It’s not worth it.” Spencer looks back at you. “He decided he didn’t want to be a part of my life. I’m not going to reward him by letting him ruin it when he’s not even here.” 

Is that what you’re doing? Letting your dad ruin your life by letting him occupy every part of it even when he’s not there? He’s influenced every part of your life, every part of you, and he hasn’t been here for half of it. Sometimes you’re surprised he didn’t miss your birth.

Another flash of lightning, another crack of thunder. You tense every muscle in your body to stop yourself from flinching as hard in front of Spencer. You think he notices anyway.  

“I’ve been angry at my dad since I was a kid,” you say once you’ve recovered. “He missed my dance recitals and my gymnastics meets and my soccer games, but he signed the checks for all of the payments. He told me to take honors and AP classes and missed the ceremonies for the awards. He was never there for anything that mattered, but—” you laugh again, and you blink back the tears— “but he waited until I was eighteen to get a divorce so I wouldn’t have to deal with a custody battle.” 

You bite down hard on your lip to force them back even harder as you look at Spencer. “Isn’t that fucked up? Neither of them have been there for us, but they’ve still shaped every part of us with their absence. We can’t escape it even when they’re not here, because them not being here is what caused it.” 

“I refuse to give him that much power,” Spencer says. “My dad left. He chose to leave. He doesn’t want anything to do with me, so I don’t want anything to do with him. I mean, I’m an FBI agent. I work with some of the best profilers in the world. I could find him if I wanted to, but I’m not going to waste my time chasing some pipe dream of a father that doesn’t exist.” 

“Your situation is different, though.” Both his eyes and tone soften, and something inside you stirs. “The only break I know Gideon’s taken was that six month medical leave that was practically forced on him. I think it would take an actual, life-threatening injury to get him to take another one. It’s a lot different having someone around and just… being neglected.”

“I’ve just always felt like such an asshole for it,” you mutter. “You all save lives every day. You’ve taken down a thousand sick criminals.” You shake your head with another mirthless laugh. “My dad saves women like me every day, gives them the chance to see their fathers again, and I’m mad at him because— because he won’t meet me for brunch? Because he missed my school band concerts?” 

“It’s not that simple,” Spencer says. “It’s never that simple. You don’t need to feel bad for hating him, but you also don’t need to feel bad for loving him, too.” 

You scoff. “There you go again with the psychology degree.” 

“It’s the truth,” he says. “Just because you feel rightfully angry doesn’t mean you don’t still love him. It’s part of the reason why you’re so conflicted about him.” He gave you a wry smile. “It makes everything a lot more complicated, doesn’t it?”

You shift in your bed. “Far cry from everything you told me before all this started.” 

“We see completely different sides of Gideon,” Spencer says. “I’m just… ashamed that it took me so long to believe you about all of it.” 

You huff a laugh. “I’m the one that should be ashamed. I thought you had this— this perfect life, with my dad loving you on top of it. That’s why I hated you so much.” 

He perks up. “Hated? As in, past tense? As in, you don’t hate me anymore?” 

You try to bite back your smile. You barely succeed. “Call it a truce.” 

Spencer grins and nudges his glasses back into place once again. “This might be my favorite truce since 1914.” 

“Christmas Truce,” you nod. “Good one.” 

“You know it?”

“Of course I do,” you say. “I’m a teacher.” 

Spencer blinks. “You— you are?” 

“Why is that such a surprise?” you ask. 

“You’re so…”

“Mean to you?” You chuckle. “Trust me, I’m not like this with my kids. My job is one of the parts of my life that I’m actually happy with.” 

“...Huh.” Spencer smiles at you, and you find yourself smiling back, subconsciously. “You should tell me about it sometime.”

“Sure,” you nod. “Maybe you can tell me about everything you do sometime.” 

“You’re sure you won’t get bored?” he asks. “You might not realize, but I have a tendency to rant.” 

You laugh. “Part of our truce.” 

This time, he nods. “Cool. That— that’s cool.” 

You roll your eyes as you look away, but your smile betrays you once again. Your gaze snaps over to the lamp as it flickers back on, and you realize you haven’t heard any thunder in a while. 

“Looks like the storm’s passed.” Spencer separates two of the window blinds with his fingers and peers through. You’ve never really focused on his hands like you do now—with the way you feel your face burn, it’s probably a good thing. You look away as soon as possible. “Just rain, now.” 

“Good,” you say, and you let out a yawn. “All our talking tired me out.” 

“Good,” he echoes as he picks his candle up from the window pane. “You should get eight hours of sleep a night, and I know for a fact you don’t.” 

You roll your eyes. “Whatever, professor.” 

“You’re the teacher here,” he says. “I should be saying that to you.” 

“And yet you’re so much more annoying than I could ever be,” you muse. 

“Does our truce include this?” 

“Naturally.”

Spencer chuckles and shakes his head. He starts walking to the doorway, but you speak up before he can leave. 

“Night, Spencer.” You pause as you bite the inside of your lip, then continue before you can stop yourself. “I really enjoyed talking with you.” 

He hesitates for a moment, his hand lingering on the doorframe. Then he bids you goodnight in the same fashion, actually saying your name. “I did too.”

It makes your heart skip a beat. 

Spencer closes the door behind him, and you find yourself staring at the wood long after he’s gone. You jolt when you finally come back into yourself, and you shake your head to get out of the haze. 

You glance at the clock on your bedside table, and blink when you realize it’s almost 1:30. You really do need to get to bed. 

The smoke makes you cough as you blow your candle out, and you wave a hand around to dispel it before you turn the lamp off. You lay down and pull the sheets up around you. You end up having to switch positions at least five times before you start to get comfortable. 

But the strangest thing is plaguing you despite your restlessness. You were freezing before the storm started, even when the electricity was working, but now there’s a strange warmth attempting to permeate within you. It almost helps you relax. 

The room feels a lot smaller without him in it. 

You exhale, long, slow, and deep as you close your eyes. The scent of vanilla lingers in the air.

You hope you don’t dream tonight. 

[roguerambles]

I understand the disappointment, I really do, but I think people might be blowing the whole world state thing a bit out of proportion. "This is SPITTING IN THE FACE of long-time fans" no it's not Steve, calm down.

The series has always had to compromise when it comes to the state of the world because so many of the choices (especially from the end of Origins) were so wildly different that trying to build a sequel from so many conflicting factors would be more or less impossible. It's why we've never seen the Architect again, because him being alive or dead has HUGE ripple effects that are damn near impossible to write around.

Heck, it was entirely possible for Anders to die at the end of Awakening, but the writers wrote around it by saying "oh no he actually faked his death" even though logically that made very little sense because at that point he'd have absolutely no reason to do that? But Anders was in the sequel so that had to come up with something.

Basically nothing from Dragon Age 2 was important in Inquisition - Hawke siding with Mages or Templars made no difference, Anders being alive or dead made no difference, whether Carver or Bethany were dead or Wardens or whatever made no difference. We got some flavour text and that was literally it, everything else played out exactly the same.

Hell, the Temple of Sacred Ashes gets blown to bits at the beginning of Inquisition, rendering everything to do with that quest from Origins basically moot. And we've never gone back to Orzammar, and everything we have heard from it has been kept super vague, because depending on who the King is and if Branka is still alive things would look WILDLY different. Crafting a new story there would be borderline impossible because the dozen different possible world states make the foundation shaky at best.

It's why I highly doubt we'll be able to side with Solas and help him tear down the Veil because that would result in basically a whole new world being created. Imagine them trying to make Dragon Age 5 and being like "okay 50% sided with Solas and tore the Veil down and 50% kept the Veil intact....wtf now what do we do--?"

Again, I understand the disappointment, but I just hope once the dust has settled and people calm down a bit they'll see that, realistically, very little has changed. Your saves are still there, your experiences and enjoyment of the games and the characters and the story are still there, but they were always gonna have to draw the line SOMEWHERE.

And that's not to say none of our previous choices will come back - if we get another game, or a spin off or something they'll probably do what they're doing with the Inquisitor now. They're just taking what's relevant to the story they are trying to tell, and leaving what they aren’t going to use presently ambiguous.

[bonzirelle]

Out Of Sync

paring: idol!bangchan x reader

genre: angst, fluff

warnings: cursing(like two), arguing(idk if that counts), kissing

summary: Chan’s been pushing himself to the edge for the sake of the group, while you’re growing more and more worried about his mental health. But all he sees is the music—the deadlines, the pressure, the need to keep going. Your concerns don’t match his priorities, and slowly, it starts to pull your relationship apart.

dolle’s note: i wrote one little channie’s room reference..please lmk if you saw it!!

✩₊˚.⋆🕸️⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆🕸️⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆🕸️⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆🕸️⋆⁺₊✧

It’s close to one in the morning and you were getting more tired with every second that passed by. Eyes dropping ever few minutes and everything was going quiet, well, everything except for the sound of Chan humming a melody to himself while tapping a pencil against his mini notebook. Usually this wouldn’t worry or bother you, his work never really has, but lately it’s getting to a point. He damn near stays up until sunrise and some days he doesn’t even come home from the studio. You’re lucky Jisung practically dragged him out of the room, or else you knew he would still be in there pushing himself to the brink of passing out.

You knew about Chan’s passion for music, it’s never been hidden. You would actually be more concerned if he didn’t mention music for a day. You’ve always supported him and his decisions when it comes to music writing and producing, you always have so it would be kind of weird to you if you didn’t. But more frequently you’ve been second guessing letting him stay up late like this. He stays in the studio for a whole day and misses meals. You know it’s not healthy for him and he knows it too. But he’s too blinded by his love for music that he’s neglecting his own personal health.

“Chan, it’s getting late. You should come to bed.” You sounded so tired, and that’s because you were extremely exhausted.

For the first few seconds he was completely silent continuing to be hunched over a spiral notebook while writing lyrics.

“Just give me a second.”

“You said that an hour ago.”

A sigh fell from his lips, he pauses his movements for a second to see if you would say anything else, but when you didn’t he just went right back to writing as if you went basically pleading for him to lay with you. Yeah, you were worried about him and his health, but you’ve also been starting to feel much more lonely and empty lately. You didn’t want to make this about yourself so you stayed quiet not to worry or stress him out even further. After a few more moments of silence from the both of you, you wrap a throw blanket around your shoulders and get out of the bed then made your way over to his desk.

“Chan, i’ve literally been waiting for you to get in bed since you’ve come home. You came here at ten…it’s almost one in the morning.”

You watched him start to bounce his leg while you we’re talking like he was trying to distract himself from something.

“I never asked you to wait for me. You shouldn’t even be up right now. You have work in the morning, don’t let me keep you from going to sleep.”

“That’s the point, Chan. I literally can’t sleep without you.”

He started to roll his eyes as you spoke. You knew he was burning himself out but that didn’t give him the right to be annoyed at you, you didn’t do anything but wait for him. That’s what you’ve always done. Gave him time no matter what. You know no one is perfect so you ah to give him the benefit of the doubt, you wouldn’t get too snappy or angry at him for being up like this.

“Can you just leave alone for one fucking moment? God, you’re so clingy for no reason. Just go to sleep.”

His words hurt way more than they were supposed to. You’ve always looked at Chan as someone who would never say anything hurtful or mean to you. That’s how he’s always been.

“Oh, i’m clingy? God forbid i wanted to wait for my boyfriend to actually get to sleep with him.”

After you got nothing but silence from him, you scoff and go back over to your bed.

“Unbelievable,” you muttered while tucking the sheets back and wrapping yourself in them. You tried not to get too worked up over this but you just really wanted to feel Chan’s arms around you after days of him coming home late. He was like the feeling of coming home to a warm room after spending the whole day out in the cold. Still, he was being stubborn and continued to write away in his notebook instead hearing you out and acting spending some time with you and this time you just accepted it. It’s not like much would change anyway.

You fell asleep pretty quickly considering it was really late. While you began to drift off in complete silence, you felt the bed dip down beside you and a familiar scent of lemon and complete sweetness then knew it was Chan. Well, i mean who else would it have been?

“Babe..you up?” You nod your head a little, not having the strength to speak. He let out a very soft sigh through his nostrils while tucking some of your hair behind his ears. “Good night, baby…” He leans down to press a light kiss to your cheek.

He doesn’t say anything this time, just reaches over and pulls you close. You let him. His hand finds yours under the blanket, fingers lacing slowly. A shaky breath leaves his nose. Then, so soft you almost miss it—“’Night.” He presses a kiss to your temple and closes his eyes. And everything feels like it’ll be just fine.

✩₊˚.⋆🕸️⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆🕸️⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆🕸️⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆🕸️⋆⁺₊✧

[luludeluluramblings]

Bruce Wayne's Obsession with Smalltown!Reader - Revised

A/N: I honestly have no idea where this came from. I just wanted to revise it and then I spiraled. I'm just trying to keep the creative juices flowing and attempted to add dialogue. Next thing I know, I wrote this. Maybe it's the on coming fall? Fall is my time of year. Still might make some more revisions to this and other's. Especially if I keep putting off the main story.

A/N: Consider this a test of me adding more lore to Reader. It'll help Smalltown make sense when we get there in the next two parts. Or, at least I hope it will.

☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️

Link to Original

Yandere Type: Platonic Father

Reader’s Momma is Adeline

Reader’s step-father, Daddy, is Samuel

Bruce was obsessed with Reader as soon as he saw the little bitty picture of them in that tiny hospital crib. And, for a while, that single picture was all he had of them. 

Imagine the surprise he felt to come back for a six month long mission off planet to find out that the brief relationship he had with a woman from outside of Gotham had produced something. 

He’ll admit, he hadn’t been that careful with Adeline. She was a gorgeous and charming woman, with just a hint of a wild side. She had been just a bit too sweet for his taste. Sweet enough he wasn’t too concerned about any lasting consequences. She had been quite understanding when he had ended things. Perhaps a bit too understanding. 

He had to find out through court papers that sweet Adeline had actually been more his type than he expected. Bruce didn’t expect her to even have a bitter side. But, apparently, she could be petty and spiteful, and had some damn good lawyers. 

Bruce hadn’t expected to get Adeline pregnant. He understands how it happened, and he made sure to lecture both Jason and Dick about being cautious after the whole ordeal, but he hadn’t expected it. And, he most certainly hadn’t expected Adeline to keep the whole thing under wraps before filing for full custody with no child support or visitation. 

To say Bruce was pissed was an understatement. The Wayne lawyers had dropped the ball on this matter, and subsequently been fired. They had wrongly assumed this was some revenge publicity stunt, and that Reader probably wasn’t his. 

But, he saw that little picture. That sweet face laying in the hospital cradle. Those were his mother’s eyes on that little baby. His mother’s eyes. 

Of course, Bruce tried to do damage control. Claiming he hadn’t known about the court date (which was true). But, Adeline had some damn good lawyers and had made sure to do all the court procedures out of state and out of his circle of influence. 

He did manage to get one thing. The DNA test. Not because he doubted that Reader wasn’t his. But, so Adeline couldn’t win completely. She could remarry. She could leave the birth certificate blank. She could fill their child’s head with lies about him. But, that child was his. His baby. 

Naturally, the results came back with absolute certainty. Reader was his. And, he had to fight himself to not drag Adeline back to court. 

Hell, he had debated on proposing to her. Forcing her to marry him. He was willing. Adeline was sweet and gentle, and this side of her, despite how much it was pissing him off, was quite attractive. The pettiness, the cunning, the protectiveness, weren’t exactly turn offs for him. 

Luckily, Alfred had pointed out to him that he was being irrational. Sure, it wouldn’t have been the worst idea he had, but Bruce wasn’t going to give up being Batman. Not at this time. Not yet. 

Would he really be able to handle a newborn and a pissed off wife on top of Gotham’s crime? What if something happened to them in Gotham? What if history repeats itself once more? 

Reasonable and both unreasonable questions. 

That being stated, Bruce concluded it would be best to let Reader grow up outside of Gotham. He couldn’t give up being Batman for them, but he could at least let them grow up without Gotham’s smog sinking into their bones and marrow. 

Not to say Bruce didn’t just let Reader linger in the back of his mind as a spare thought. He thought about them often. But, he was always careful. 

His enemies grew bolder and more numerous every year. 

Bruce had resigned himself to one day a year to dedicate all his time to checking on Reader. One day where he would hack anything and everything for information about his child. Adeline’s phone and social media for pictures of Reader. Milestone updates for Reader’s pediatrician. Preschool footage to see his child toddle around and make friends. Researching those friends and their parents to make sure his child was safe. One single day a year.

He nearly lost it when he found out Adeline had met another man and introduced him to Reader. It enraged him further to see the wedding pictures. To see this man holding his child in his arms with such a loving smile and pressing a kiss to their cheek while holding Adeline in his arms. 

He had done background check after background check into this man, Samuel. As much as Batman and Bruce Wayne could without arousing suspicion. 

And, he was clean. A good ol’ boy. Focused on family and minding his business. And, he was good at business.

Samuel owned a massive regional construction company. Not as wealthy nor diverse as Wayne Enterprises, but stable and steady. He had a secure income, not a negative thing written about him ever. In fact, if Bruce had met the man under different circumstances he probably would appreciate Samuel’s practicality. 

But, his first introduction to this man was from watching a video that Adeline had filmed of Reader having a birthday party. Of Reader making a wish, blowing out the candles on their birthday cake. 

“What did you wish for, baby?” He could hear Adeline’s voice in his mind. A warm loving voice that was the prelude to his heartbreaking. 

“I wanna little brother!” Bruce watches as a sweet grin forms on a frosting covered face, every time. He’s watched this video over and over. Memorizing the words. Memorizing the smile. Memorizing the sprinkles on the half eaten cake.

“Oh? What if you get a little sister?” 

“Nah, it’ll be a brother. I know it.”

“And, how do you know it, sweetpea?”

“Cause last year I wished for a Daddy and now I got one.” 

Those words are what breaks Bruce every time. Every single time. 

It should have been him being called that.

That was his child. That was his baby. He loves them. He’s done so much to keep his distance. To keep them safe. 

Now, he’s resigned to watch as another man treasures his most precious thing. Probably the only innocent thing that will ever come from his existence. 

Alfred had a hard time convincing him that this was for the best. That he needed to let it go. 

Until now, he had accepted that it was necessary. Gotham needs Batman. For a moment he was ready to give it up.

But, then Jason died. (Temporarily.) Something broke when that happened. Bruce realized if Gotham could take Jason, it would’ve taken Reader, too. 

So, even though he hates it. Even though he is so bitterly jealous of Samuel, living a peaceful life with his child. Even though he would do almost anything to hear his child call him Daddy. He keeps being Batman. 

He has to at this point. Gotham took his family, and he won’t let it take anymore. Not ever again.

[someonefromtheearth]

Fiyero's letter to Elphaba

I was re-reading Fiyero's letter to Elphaba and I can't help but notice the longing and yearning surrounding the letter: He hopes Elphaba will still want him. Ok, this is huge. The man that grew up being told he was handsome now has a lot of doubts. But now with a valid reason, because he has become into something that isn't considered beautiful as in beauty standards.

By the point he wrote the letter, we can assume he has probably already seen his reflection in the water or in a mirror and felt really shocked to see himself as that. While we know he doesn’t resent Elphaba, I think he knows he is not the “good-looking” boy she knew and sang a whole love song with. It is really interesting how he believes there is a slight possibility Elphaba won’t want him anymore and not because he really thinks Elphaba would be like that, it is more because that is how he’s been treated all his life, people has always valued his beauty over his other qualities (be it being very caring, kind, etc). People at Shiz didn’t want to know him, they wanted to admire him, being friends with the prince figure that he represented, but not the true Fiyero, the individual. So that’s why he may be a bit anxious about how she would react now that he has lost what people used to only value of him. However we know how this all turns out, happily Elphaba reassures him, he is still beautiful in a more deep way, more than what the eyes can see, because he got her seeing through different eyes, she also has got him seen like that and I just can't help but giggle at the thought on how this truly represents true love between two beings, human beings in a way. I love them so much 🥺

[historicity-was-already-taken]

So, I saw you mention from the river to the sea being antisemitic. I’ve heard various people claim it had antisemitic origins but was never able to find reliable corroborating messages and was curious if u could elaborate on that more, if that’s why. The other argument I’ve heard is it being coded for “free from the jews” which. Yk. I definitely know there are some people who say it with that intent. But I am skeptical of insisting that implication is Always present to people who have found it a useful slogan to rally around on this issue without evidence backing up that intent in the original popularization of the slogan or that it has been widespread deliberately used with that meaning for a long time. Given your whole historian business I don’t doubt that you DO have solid reason for saying it’s antisemitic, I’d just love to hear the details.

I'm going to copy and paste what I wrote about this in an earlier post, because that's still my response:

"That phrase contains strongly genocidal undertones with regard to the Jewish population of Israel who were forced to settle there after being ethnically cleansed from their homes across Eurasia and North Africa over the course of the 20th century (many of whom were and continue to be treated like shit by that country's government and don't get me started on the Yishuv's treatment of Holocaust survivors).

More than half of the Jewish population of the world lives in Israel. As an American Jew and a Holocaust historian keenly aware of the circumstances regarding the postwar Jewish peopling of the modern State, I am deeply uncomfortable with seeing that phrase in my intellectual space. Free Palestine, yes; work towards equal rights for Arab and Palestinian citizens of Israel, yes; engage in active reparations for Palestinians who had their property actively stolen from them in 1948, yes; Truth and Reconciliation Commissions, yes; but not on the bodies of half of the 15 million Jews who remain on this planet."

There is no Collective Jewish Take on this, because Jews are not a hivemind. But it is my take, as a Jew, and as a Holocaust historian.

Jews across any political spectrum will be extremely sensitive to ANY language which reads to us incitement to ethnic cleansing, because we've been ethnically cleansed from all regions of Eurasia over the course of our ~3000 year history. A lot of Palestine activists don't want to engage with that and really resent being told that they need to. And like, I get it; I get their frustration, resentment, rage, and righteous indignation. But the Jewish pasts, and Jewish knowledge of our tenuous ongoing existence on this planet; those aren't going to go away just because it complicates rhetoric on the Israel/Palestinian Conflict.

People can keep using "from the river to the sea." You can keep using it. I'm not the Language Police. Some Jews here and elsewhere may feel comfortable using it and being in spaces where it's used. I'm not going to shit on those Jews or call them "Kapos" or "Self-hating" or "pick-mes." But I'm also not going to change my opinion or my analysis, or ever be comfortable with its use in my intellectual space.

[it-happened-one-fic]

A Waltz That's Both Tender and New - Malleus

Author Notes: So, this is actually quite old. I inititally wrote this before I ever wrote my Strictly NRC Dancing series as practice. And after that, it just kind of got abandoned. I dug it up and edited it though, so here it is! The title of this fic was taken from lyrics of “I bring you a song” from the Disney film Bambi. As per usual, reader is gender-neutral. I hope you enjoy!

Type: Gender-neutral reader/ fluff/

Word count: 1178

Malleus sat next to me on the bench just outside of Ramshackle, idly chatting to me about the gargoyles on the campus. And a part of me felt bad because, honestly speaking, I wasn’t really listening to him. Instead, I was puzzling over the newest issue I’d just learned of today. Dancing.

Crowley had apparently decided the thing to do was host a ball to which numerous people would be invited. Numerous people bearing cameras, to be specific.

This ball was supposed to prove that Night Raven College wasn’t full of students that were merely boisterous thugs, but were also cultured gentlemen who were simply misunderstood and occasionally misled.

And that meant everyone had to learn to dance. Which was fine for some of us. Leona, Silver, Sebek, Lilia, and Malleus all knew court dances. As did Floyd and Vil, for unknown reasons. Jamil and Kalim also both knew how to dance, though it wasn’t in the courtly ballroom style that this ball was apparently going to require.

But for me, dancing was a bit of an issue. Because I hadn’t the slightest clue as to how to go about dancing beyond grooving on my own in my room with only the ghosts and possibly Grim to see.

And that wasn’t even beginning to consider the issue of ballroom etiquette. I could only hope Trein would host a lesson on that. Otherwise I’d have to ask for advice from Sebek, which I had no doubt would be quite the ordeal in and of itself.

“Child of man?” I glanced up, slightly startled, only to find a rather disappointed and notably pouty Malleus looking at me. 

He was frowning, but he’d probably realized I hadn’t been listening. He tilted his head, though, “You seem rather… listless. Is something wrong?”

I sighed, shaking my head slightly as I laced my fingers together in my lap, “It's nothing; I’m just a little concerned about learning to dance for the upcoming ball….”

I trailed off, and Malleus shifted, looking perfectly perplexed as he eyed me, “Do you not want to learn to dance?”

His tone wasn’t judgmental, but rather curious, and I shook my head in response. A slight smile finding its way to my face, “No, the idea of learning to dance is actually rather exciting. But learning to dance in one week and then performing in front of cameras is daunting.”

Daunting was putting it lightly. Frankly, the idea of being filmed while dancing was downright distressing.

My companion hummed thoughtfully, nodding slightly to himself before abruptly standing and offering me his hand, an amused smile crawling its way onto his face, “Then allow me to be your tutor. I know several dances and can teach you one.”

I blinked up at him in slight surprise, which caused his expression to turn even more amused at my confusion as he inclined his head slightly, the moonlight glinting off his curved horns, “Then you will at least be used to one partner and be completely prepared for one dance. After all, that is all anyone can ask of you.”

I grinned slightly at his reasoning but slipped my hand into his gloved one and stood, “Alright, but I’m warning you, we’ll have to practice a whole lot.”

He seemed delighted by my warning, grinning outright at my words as he stepped backward, tugging me away from the bench and along with him, “Of course. Now.” 

He guided one of my hands to his shoulder and let it rest there, patting it in an almost affectionate manner. 

Next, he took my other hand in his before immediately straightening into a more poised position and resting his other hand on my waist, “It is far simpler than Professor Trein would have you believe. I will lead, and you simply need to follow my steps.”

His gaze held mine as he calmly explained, and I found myself grinning up at him, tilting my head playfully, “That, and not step on your feet.”

His eyes were practically sparkling at my words, “A part of the learning process, but a part I’d prefer to avoid so… yes.” He grinned widely, his fangs glinting ever so slightly and making him look positively wicked even though he was taking the time to teach me.

“Ready?” I straightened as soon as the questioning word left his mouth. All teasing comments fleeing my mind as I swallowed slightly.

“Ready,” I bobbed my head determinedly and ignored his chuckle as he began to slowly guide me into stepping forward, following him as he shifted backward.

“We will most likely be waltzing, so in terms of footwork, you only need to count up to three in waltz time.” I nodded again, casting my gaze down at my feet to ensure that I did not step on his toes.

But in mere moments, his hand had left my waist as he hooked a single finger under my chin and lifted my head so that I was meeting his gaze in confusion. But instead of further instruction, I was met with amusement in his voice as he smiled in an oddly smug fashion at me, “Keep your eyes up here, just like that. I will not let you go astray.”

I found myself flustering under his intent gaze that I now determinedly held as I pressed my lips together. But at odds with my awkwardness, Malleus seemed relaxed. Humming slightly to himself as if to keep us in time as he waltzed me around my front yard.

I fought the urge to clear my throat as I awkwardly broke the silence that now settled around in an almost gentle fashion, “Sooo, we just move in a little circle like this and stay in time to the song?” 

 His eyebrows rose at my questioning, “This is the simplest variant, yes. But it can, of course, be embellished should you wish it.”

With that he spun me out and held my arm over my head, causing me to almost instinctively twirl before being pulled back over to where he waited with an amused smile on his face, “Like so.”

I fought back the urge to snort at his all-too-smug demeanor. And my amusement almost seemed to encourage him.

His eyes were alight once more as he dipped his head in towards me in a conspiratorial manner, “There are also lifts and dips that I can teach you, but I do not know how our instructors or you would feel about them.”

I shook my head in silent amusement at his smug aura before patting him on the shoulder, “Let’s just keep it simple. Shall we?”

His smile softened, losing its teasing bite as his grip tightened ever so slightly on my hand, “Of course, a waltz that is both tender and new, such as this one, has its own charm all its own, after all.”

And as easily as breathing, silence fell once more as we waltzed on through the night, accompanied only by his gentle humming and the green faerie lights that danced around us.

[whateverisbeautiful]

I’ve been watching reactors watch the show for the first time and I’ve noticed that Lori was saying all the right things to Rick in the beginning in terms of his leadership and decision-making. At least on paper. She told him he was doing the best with the information he had at the time. Defended him to others, noting they blamed him when something went wrong even though he was the one that stepped up (and they wanted him to in the first place). These general thoughts have been expressed by Michonne as well and yet they both feel so different. Even in-universe. Rick only took comfort in her words some of the time. Other times, he just treated it like lip services. I was sitting trying to figure out what the difference was and it hit me that Lori was expressing “you can do this” while Michonne was expressing “we can do this” and I think we watch Rick figure this out in real time. He knew his marriage was in trouble for a long time but I don’t think he could really put a label on the exact issue. Lori depended on and supported him in a very traditional way. A way his parents and grandparents likely were. A way that was presented to him as the norm, what to expect and want. I think his relationship with Michonne, pre and post canon, opened his eyes to a new dynamic. One that he actually wants in a relationship. I just find it all so fascinating and wanted someone else’s thoughts lol

“You can do this” vs. “We can do this” is such a great observation and captures the Lori and Michonne differences well. 👏🏽 I really agree. I think another thing that made Lori’s “you can do this” approach even less comforting to Rick, was that he could tell she didn’t fully believe it. She’d say the supportive things to him and about him, and perhaps at times was really trying to believe she meant it, but there was always this unspoken, and sometimes spoken, doubt attached to it. Even if a part of her did believe in Rick, the part of her that doubted him seemed to be louder and stronger and I think both Lori and Rick felt that. It’s like Rick could hear those 3 silent words that came before her support - “I’m not sure you can do this.” 

I always love that Michonne introduced Rick to a whole different way to be loved and valued. To true partnership. It’s yet another reason their love story is so special because Rick was someone who thought his sole purpose in life was to pour into others and be leaned on, but then he meets this incredible woman who shows him he actually doesn’t have to do any of this alone. Michonne always has that “we can do this” mentality and it’s such a beautiful thing. And there’s still this great balance too, because Michonne still values the safety and love Rick provides her, but she also is able to give that back to him and be someone he can turn to and lean on as well. They really are each other’s North Star.  I think I wrote in a previous reveling how in his relationship with Michonne Rick got to feel valued not just as a provider but as a person. And it’s so true how the dynamic he found with Michonne is one he always wanted even before he probably knew he wanted it. That’s my thoughts on your really insightful thoughts on this! Thanks for sharing it. 😊

[fuckitupfelix]

hi!!✨ i rlly rlly love your fics and idk how to say this but i wanna request u one, if thats alright! its about the reader being a manager at karasuno and openly gay, so one day (night, after practice) kageyama asks reader that how he knew he was gay, because he was doubting, and reader tells kags to practice kiss to really know if he's gay and they kiss kiss 💋💋 add things if you want cuz this may seem kinda short but its yr choice!! thank u

ahh thank you im glad you like my stuff!! this is such a cute idea ahh i hope i wrote what you had in mind well 🫶🫶

trial kiss ♡

kageyama x male reader

word count: 0.8k

how is he supposed to figure out if he likes guys?

FEM ALIGNED DNI

kageyama never really tried to give his sexuality a label, purely because he’d never really thought about it. sure, he thought some girls were pretty, but since most of his time was spent thinking about volleyball, he didn’t attempt to explore relationships any further. maybe he should have?

that didn’t really matter now, because now he’s sprawled out on the floor of the gym, eyes absentmindedly glancing over the ceiling. practice had just ended, and most of the team had gone to the clubroom to change. maybe he should go do that too— later, though. he’s got one main thing on his mind right now; (name). kageyama didn’t have any classes with him, so the only times he’d get to see him would be at lunch or during practice. he was curious about (name). yachi had mentioned him being gay when kageyama had tried to ask her for advice about guys, saying something about how (name) would be the better person to talk to. maybe he would.

(name) was always super attentive in conversations, giving everyone on the team tips on how to improve, and always bringing in extra snacks he’d make. he cared about his teammates.

kageyama finally sits up, his legs still stretched out in front of himself. his gaze falls onto (name), who’s currently tucking his notebooks into his bag.

“(name)-kun.” kageyama calls, and the manager’s head snaps up. “can i talk to you about something?”

(name) nods, shrugging his bag back onto the bench before making his way to where kageyama sat. he plops himself directly next to him, crossing his legs. “what’s up, kageyama?” he asks, leaning over.

kageyama shifts in his position, moving to stretch out his legs. “you’re. . . you’re gay, right?” he asks. he stiffens up when (name) laughs. was it a stupid question? was yachi wrong?

“yeah, i’m gay. any reason you’re asking?”

“how’d you, like. . .” kageyama furrows his eyebrows, his face morphing into a frown. “like. . . figure it out? did you always know?”

“mm, i definitely didn’t know my whole life,” (name) chuckles again, and this time kageyama notices how warm it sounds. “but i really liked one of my friends in middle school. i thought we were just really good friends and i cared about him a lot. but, deep down, i kind of knew that wasn’t true? like, i was lying to myself. one day, we were hanging out, and i kissed him.” he shrugs, leaning his body weight back onto his arms. he looks up at the ceiling, almost like his eyes were searching for something.

“but yeah! that’s how i figured out i was gay,” (name) grins.

kageyama frowns again. “so i need to kiss a guy to see if i’m gay . . ?” he asks. (name) laughs again.

‘warm. . . ‘ kageyama noted.

“i’m not saying you have to kiss a guy, that’s just what helped me figure myself out.” (name) pauses, an imaginary light-bulb glowing above his head. “you wanna try it now?” he grins.

“what, kiss you?” kageyama sputters, sitting up straight. “Seriously?”

“only if you want to!”

. . . kageyama did want to see if something would happen. it’s just a kiss, right? He’s kissed people before—- it was just one or two girls that kissed him on the cheek in elementary school—- but still! nothing bad would happen. It’s just to see if he’d like it.

“. . .okay.” kageyama nods. “sure.”

(name) nods. he scoots closer until their shoulders touch. he plants a firm hand on kageyama’s shoulder, rubbing his thumb over the fabric of his shirt subtly. it’s at this moment kageyama notices a few details about (name) he hadn’t noticed before; a lock of hair that looked the slightest shade lighter than the rest of his hair, how pleasant his smile was, and the fact that his hands were slightly colder than kageyama expected them to be, even through his shirt.

(name) leans in, and kageyama mimics, albeit a bit slower, and their lips connect. strange. that's the only word kageyama could think of to describe it. Just like his hands, (name)’s lips were kind of cold. it was almost refreshing. by the time all of these thoughts flit through his mind, (name) has already pulled back.

“So? what’d ya think?” he asks, tilting his head. kageyama was a bit confused— disappointed, almost.

“that’s it?” he voices his thought out loud, and (name) feels his face grow warm with embarrassment. “you didn’t like it, then?”

“no. i mean, i-i did. it was just. . . shorter than i thought.” he manages.

“ahh, getting greedy now, are we, kageyama?” (name) giggles, nudging his shoulder against the setter’s. “at least take me out on a date, first.” he jokes.

“okay.” kageyama says it so fast (name) has to do a double take. “okay?” he repeats.

“Yeah. i’ll take you out on a date. is that, uhh, okay? am i allowed to do that?” he asks, squinting.

“. . . of course you are. and i’d love to.”

i hope you liked it!!! i love kageyama so much aghh

divider by @/plutism !!

[nikethestatue]

I blame TikTok/BookTok for a lot of things, but one for the biggest disservices that it did to the general reading public was it popularized the idea of 'trope writing'. it's one of the worst things to ever happen in writing, and it's the low hanging fruit for those who have bastardized the whole romance genre. Grumpy and sunshine, age gap, single dad, enemies to lovers...The list is long and...boring.

Trope writing gives a blueprint to unimaginative stories and their proliferation in the romantasy and romance genre is what's making it a joke now. There are so many 'Court of' and any combo of the words of blood, roses', and stars and it's...well, it's this:

The problem with SJM's fandom and the shipwar as a whole is very kind of simple and sad at the same time.

A HUGE number of Gwynriels came from TikTok and learned about SJM on there, and they've been lied to this entire time. Because the thing is, SJM is NOT a trope writer. Sure, there are a few tropes in her books, but they don't drive her narrative. SJM is a STORYTELLER. That's what she is and those who found her before/outside of TikTok were drawn to the story and the characters, not ships.

We didn't read ACOTAR, and then ACOMAF for 'ships'. We read it for the story--we didn't know who'll end up with who and that wasn't the main reason why we read. We loved the actual world of Feyre and Rhys, of Tamlin of Prythian, of the IC and Hybern. It was interesting to read.

TikTok ushered in the 'trope revolution' where talentless and mediocre authors are churning out boring, unoriginal books that fit into these tropes.

SJM doesn't do that. And while I know it's way too late now, I wish Gwynriels understood that early on. I mean, they would've had to read the books actually, and not just look at IG and TikTok videos, but it would've saved them a lot of time and energy if they did. Because what they want is 'grumpy and sunshine' trope with Azriel and Gwyn. 'Friends to lovers'. 'Teacher and student'. That's why they've struggles SO HARD for 4 years to come up with an actual story for their 'Gwynriel book'. They vacillated between 'it's Azriel's book!' and 'it's about healing!' or 'they'll redeem Illyria', and then, when they couldn't really concoct much of anything, they decide to make Gwyn Starborn and they've been obsessing about her paternity.

The 'problem' with SJM is that she has a story FIRST, and then certain tropes fall into that story, but she doesn't start off with a trope and then build a story from there. Which is what GAs want and think she'll do. For Eluciens, the downfall is their belief that 'SJM is a fated mates writer'. They dug themselves into a hole, because 'fated mates' is a trope and it's pretty obvious that this is NOT where SJM is going with Elucien. They'd rather ignore every mention of the Cauldron being wrong, and falsely assume that none of it matters because well, but 'fated mates'!

What they all keep ignoring and dismissing is that Elain has a story of her own. Yes, there is a grumpy/sunshine vibe with Elriel, but that's not the driver of the narrative. The driver is that she is a Seer, and that she is Made, and that the Cauldron WAS WRONG, and that she doesn't like her mate but likes another guy altogether, and that Azriel is a mystery and a Shadowsinger, and we don't know what any of this means, and somehow, he is carrying a Made dagger and he gave it to Elain, and he is in love with her knowing that he shouldn't be, and he said 'i am getting her back' and he got her back....THAT'S the story that SJM is writing. And it's not your basic and boring 'grumpy and sunshine' trope.

I think when Elriels have doubts or see something on TikTok, they should remember this. SJM predates TikTok by over a decade and no matter how people try to spin it, she is NOT a TikTok writer. She is actually a talented and best-selling romantasy writer who wrote this:

“Fireheart. Fireheart, why do you cry?"

"Because I am lost. And I do not know the way." "You have been very brave. You have been very brave, for so very long. But you must be brave a little while longer, my Fireheart. You must be brave a little while longer, and remember..." Her mother placed a phantom hand over Aelins heart. "It is the strength of this that matters. No matter where you are, no matter how far, this will lead you home. It is the strength of this that matters, Aelin. The strength of this. You are my daughter. You were born of two mighty bloodlines. That strength flows through you. Lives in you. You do not yield. You do not yield.”

And she made us cry.

And then she wrote this:

“There you are. I've been looking for you.

His first words to me— not a lie at all, not a threat to keep those faeries away.

And she made us fall in love.

“Even when this world is a forgotten whisper of dust between the stars, I will always love you.”

[thelilylav]

In a Darabella mood lately I guess so I'm just gonna rant a bit more about them.

I feel like people genuinely underestimate the effect that Daring had on Rosabella when they get together, because a really common criticism I see of the two of them is that Rosabella doesn't get much out of the relationship and ends up kinda parenting Daring, but I really think this is a misunderstanding of her character?

Rant continues under the cut cause it turned out super long lmao

Now, I'm gonna admit this right now, but Rosabella was a huge favourite of mine when I first watched the show. Her, Maddie, Raven, Cedar, and Darling were my absolute favourite characters, so I do have a bit of bias in her direction. But I also think people don't really understand what I thought was pretty obvious about her personality. She's a huge animal rights activist, but she's also just big on social justice in general, and because of this she's a pretty big outcast among the other royals. They're friends with her, sure, but apart from Darling we don't really see people reach out to her until something goes wrong in their lives, and then they come to her for her to fix it. This is a role I'm sure she's played for the majority of her life, so she's probably used to it by now, but she also just genuinely enjoys helping others. Still, even though she puts all this effort into helping others out and making Ever After a more accepting place, when she actually tries to speak out on problems that she cares about, everyone tunes her out. We see this especially in A Semi Charming Kind of Life. Even Darling, who I would say is her closest friend, does this, although she seems to have mixed feelings on the whole thing, which makes sense considering she's going through her own doubts about the royals at the time.

A little bit of a personal rant here, but when I was a kid I was really into environmental activism. As in, went vegetarian and would try to start up protests for environmental rights and was the head of that club. I also got bullied for it, which didn't really register as bullying at the time, but seeing a character like Rosabella on screen was really refreshing for me, because that is what kids are like sometimes. Not trying to make this too personal, I just wanted to point out that she's not that unrealistically written, because there are people like her irl (like me!). She's a teen, a young teen at that (I think I said in another post she's fifteen cause I thought she was Darling's age, but then her wiki says she's seventeen, so idk how old exactly, but either way she's in high school), and teens are kind of known for having a lot of big emotions about the things they care about, even if they don't express that in the best way. So while I understand critiques against her character saying she's a bit abrasive with her advice, I honestly always saw this as intentional writing, because her telling people what they need to work on (even if they may not have asked for her advice) is part of what ostracizes her from the other royals.

So what does Daring have to do with this? Well, his first interactions with Rosabella are pretty similar to every other royal. He dismisses her and her interests, and doesn't see why animal activism is so important. This changes in Epic Winter. I've got my own issues with how they wrote that special, but I think Daring and Rosabella are actually written pretty well. Daring's going through an existential crisis after Dragon Games, and this leads to him regressing in character a lot, but that's a reasonable reaction for someone who essentially just got told his whole life is a lie. Rosabella sees him struggling, and does what she always does. She helps.

Where people get this wrong, imo, is that she doesn't do this out of a sense of obligation, she does this because that's who she is. When something goes wrong, she tries to help as much as possible, because she enjoys helping others. It's not taxing for her to reach out to other people. Was her advice to Daring a little assumptive? Yeah, but if you look at the interactions they've had in her diary and Darling's diary before that point, you can kind of see why she would think Daring's just another big-headed prince, and wouldn't understand why he's spiraling this badly. The thing about this is that I think she wasn't actually expecting Daring to take her seriously. She berates him the whole special, but he keeps pushing off her advice because he's knee-deep in an existential crisis, and nothing about his behaviour seems to surprise her. That's because she's used to this. It's what every royal has been doing to her for her entire life.

And you see her surprise when he starts to take her words to heart! She's surprised, because she's been tuned out by so many people for so long, and Daring has done the exact same thing to her time and time again. If I had to guess, she was probably expecting him to brush her words off and go about his daily life. But she tried reaching out anyway, because she can't help herself. She saw that he was hurt, and she cares about him because she cares about everyone, so she said what she thought would help or set him on the right path. He rolled his eyes like always, and she shrugged it off and kept trying anyway.

So imagine you're her for a second. You're passionate about acceptance and social justice and you care about everything, and your whole life this has been seen as a negative quality by all your friends until it serves them. So, you accept it. It's the way life is. Then, you see your roommates brother feels terrible, so you try to help him because you help everyone, and you expect him to not take you seriously because he hasn't every other time you've interacted, but he does. He takes you seriously, and it's probably the first time in your life someone other than your parents has actually taken your advice to heart and listened.

That's why she likes him. Their relationship is built on helping each other, I think people just don't see how Daring helps her, which is such a shame. He gives her acceptance and understanding, true understanding, for the first time ever. And to someone like Rosabella, who wants to make a positive change so badly? Imagine how much it must have meant, for her to realise that she actually had an impact on someone.

I dunno, you guys don't have to agree and I'd love to talk about it, these are just some thoughts I've had about her for a while.

[flippinpancakes64]

Hey can I request the cullens x pop star reader who wrote a love song about them. Like do you think they would like it or find it embarrassing.

Thanks for your time❤️

The Cullens with a Pop Star! Reader

This ask is so cute I love it! I’m such a sucker for love songs it’s not even funny.

Aaaaaand…. My asks are back open! Send me requests! Go crazy!

Thank you for requesting and I hope you enjoy!

Edit: this is now day 3 of me writing this one… i have been so preoccupied reading Wolverine x Reader tics I completely forgot that I even had this in here. My sincerest apologies

Edward:

He’s a little hesitant to be with you publicly

It’s already sketchy enough for him to be in one place too long because people notice he doesn’t age

But being with you on tv or in magazines? Yeah no

So he doesn’t make public appearances with you

But he does support you unconditionally

He’s no stranger to writing a song for someone

So when he’s sitting at home, tuned in to a live show you’re having and you announce a new song that’s about a man that you love, he’s all ears

He LOVES it

Makes you sing it for him all the time

He wants it on vinyl, on cd, on a casette, on apple music, on spotify, and even on soundcloud

He wants this song etched behind his eyes so he can see it whenever he blinks

To him, it just proves that you love him without a shadow of a doubt

Alice:

She loves it

She doesn't really care about being seen on tv or anything

In fact, she loves being able to show off her outfits

It's her favorite thing to help you find stage outfits and outfits for red carpets or award events

She's backstage at one of your concerts, waiting for you to come back during a halfway break so she can touch up your makeup

When suddenly you announce that you have a new song that you wrote for your girlfriend

And obviously everyone in the audience knows who your girlfriend is

She could start crying

She loves the song so much

It could be one minute long or 6 minutes long and she would still want to listen to it on repeat

You better be prepared to sing all of the time because that's all she wants to hear now

When you do eventually go backstage you have to take a bit longer than a brief intermission because she kisses you so hard that all of your makeup comes off and your hair gets messed up

Jasper:

He's a bit camera shy

He doesn't really care about being seen with you because he's a vampire, it's moreso because he just doesn't want to be on camera

But he does his best to be supportive of you

He hates when you have to leave to go on tour or something

He likes to pose as a personal bodyguard so that he can still be close to you

He is a little embarrassed that you wrote a song about him

All of your fans already started speculating that you and your "bodyguard" were dating

But with this song it was definitely confirmed

He's not mad tho

He's just a lil bashful

He is happy though

It means that you're gonna get hit on a lot less since people know that you're in a relationship now

He loves the song though

When you sing it for him, he is never more at peace

He's still coming to terms with the fact that you love him so much you're willing to let the whole world know

Rosalie:

She's a little hesitant for the same reasons as Edward

As much as she hates being a vampire, she loves her family

Even if she doesn't let it show

She doesn't want to put them in jeopardy

And especially being in the age of the internet, it would be really easy for any of your fans to look her up and see that there's no record for her

It's just more risk than necessary

So she hangs back whenever you're out

She is super supportive of your career though, don't get me wrong

One night, you're on a late night talk show and it gets to the segment where you get to perform a song

You get out there and say that you made a new song for the love of your life, and she instantly perks up

It sounds heavenly

It's in the style of music that she adores, your voice sounds perfect, the song is filled with innuendos to things that only the two of you understand

To say she loves the song is an understatement

And no, she is not embarrassed at all by the song

She loves it too much

Emmett:

He's your biggest fan

He is at every concert, at every red carpet event, every awards ceremony, everything

All of your fans know his name

He might run a fan page on instagram who knows

He'll never tell

You're singing at an awards ceremony when you announce that you have a new song that you wrote for yours and Emmett's anniversary

The cameras capture his reaction too

His mouth is wide open the whole time

He starts crying

Afterwards he literally just holds you the whole night

He doesn't feel even one drop of embarrassment

In his eyes, this song just proves how much you love him and his reaction just proves how much he loves you

And yes you now have to sing this song for him for the rest of eternity

Esme:

She’s also hesitant to be seen with you publicly

She’s had to hide herself for so long, it’s just second nature

Not to mention that she doesn’t want to do anything that could put her family at risk

So she opts to support you from home

And support you she does

She loves your music

Even if it’s not what she would normally listen to, she loves it

You had a concert on her birthday, and you were super upset you couldn’t be there

Not that she celebrates her birthday anyway

But still

So you wrote her a song

And you played it

She didn’t even know about it until you texted her later

You had to walk her through how to pull up the video of it

But after she does she can’t stop listening to it

She loves it so much

Expect a cuddle tackle when you get home

Carlisle:

Also is not seen with you publicly

He’s okay with people knowing about him, but he has to put the safety and privacy of his family first

He loves how people are dying to know who your mysterious boyfriend is tho

He thinks it’s funny

And he’s super supportive of your career

You love music, he loves you, so he supports you no matter what

He has the receptionists play your music at the clinic

And he does his best to tune in to every performance you have

One night you come up to him and tell him you have a surprise

You play the recording of his song for him

He loves it

You’re not escaping the cuddle monster for the rest of the night

Sorry

And him being embarrassed is not even in his vocabulary

He loves the song, and he loves that you love him so much you wanted to write a song about it

Vampire! Bella:

Pop music’s not really her thing

But she loves you and she actually kinda likes your music so it’s not a problem for her

She doesn’t really want to be seen in public with you

Not necessarily because she’s scared of protecting her secret

But mostly just cause she’s awkward around cameras

The first time she hears the song, you dragged her out to your studio to listen to a new song you were working on

She didn’t know what she was in for

She gets a little embarrassed cause there are other people in the room

But other than that she doesn’t get embarrassed over the song

She loves it so much

She wants it burned onto a cd so she can listen to it all the time

[1moreff-creator]

Okay listen, listen. Eden's Garden CH1 was great and I loved it and I'll make a more detailed analysis post about it at some point. And Eva in particular is fantastic and my favorite character. There's just- There's just a little, little issue I have with her FTEs, and if I don't talk about it I'm gonna explode. 

Spoilers for P:EG CH1 and Eva's FTEs.

CW: I am about to be a Massive Fucking Nerd on main.

This post was originally going to be about how Eva's papers, the way she describes them, sound like they kinda suck. But then I realized that the way she describes the Riemann zeta function… is just wrong???? Like, it doesn't converge to- EVA WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING?!?!?!?!

Like, look, I don't think "Eva sucks at writing papers actually” is the conclusion I'm meant to reach after doing her FTEs. I'm also pretty sure the mistakes she makes when describing the Riemann zeta function (henceforth "zeta function” for brevity) are just mistakes on the writers’ part, which is fine because that thing is very confusing. 

And to be clear, Eva being bad at writing papers doesn't mean she's actually bad at science. I mean, she apparently solved the goddamn Riemann Hypothesis, and doesn't even think it's that big a deal!

Eva, sad [3rd FTE]: They'll put it on my gravestone: here lies the girl who could barely solve Riemann's stupid hypothesis. 

(Thank you Ani from youtube for uploading these things it makes citation so much easier <3)

Girliepop if I solved a problem that's stumped mathematicians for over a hundred years (which carries a million dollar prize btw), you bet your fucking ass I want that on my gravestone! And look, I know that this is not necessarily due to her doing more impressive stuff in mathematics. That it's more so because she's internalized what other people think about her skills, and since a lot of people erroneously believe math is uncool she doesn't think this is as big a deal as it is. But the fact that she managed to solve this thing at all, not to mention at eighteen years old, already puts her in contention for best mathematician of the damn century. And that's incredible, because math is badass. 

In short, Eva's cool and a great mathematician. But the way she talks about her other work, the papers she wishes got more recognition, makes me really doubt her actual skill as a writer of these papers. Let me explain. 

There are three papers Eva mentions writing, or thinking about writing, across her FTEs. One about literature, another about lightspeed travel, and one about the Riemann zeta function. 

Eva [1st FTE]: Earlier this year, I wrote a whole paper on an obscure subgenre of Western speculative fiction… I spent weeks on it, expecting it to receive a lot of attention from literary critics…

Eva [1st FTE]: I could write a research paper on the theoretical possibility of lightspeed travel, but no one would care, because…

Eva [4th FTE]: …I wrote a paper about how you can use tabletop gaming to understand [the Riemann zeta function].

Now, I can't say anything about the literature paper, because she gives no details on it. I also don't know enough about literature to know how long it usually takes to write papers on it, so I'll take her word for it that working for weeks on it is notable. 

For the hypothetical paper about the "theoretical possibility of lightspeed travel", I have my doubts, but she also doesn't give enough details about what that paper would entail for me to definitively say anything about it. We'll get back to this one, though.

Meanwhile, the paper she gives the most details on is the Riemann zeta function one, and… yeah that one's trash. 

There’s two reasons I say that. One is the technical issue with the description she gives, which basically boils down to “there’s severe inaccuracies in her explanation and also she just straight up gets some things wrong,” and is extremely nerdy and math heavy to explain; and the other is a much more fundamental problem with the very thesis of the paper, which doesn’t require math to explain, but I’ll leave for later. 

I’ll start with the technical side and the things she gets wrong about the zeta function. I’ll try to make this accessible for non-math nerds, but fair warning, this is pretty difficult math so I can only do so much. That includes keeping to the tabletop analogy Eva used in the spirit of the thing. 

By the way, take everything I'm about to say with a grain of salt. I'm a third year Physics major, so while I know way more math than the average person, I am by no means an expert. I am liable to get things wrong. In fact, I actually didn't know anything about the zeta function or the Riemann hypothesis before seeing these FTEs, I just researched them because I got curious about the Riemann hypothesis after seeing it show up in not one, but two fangans I've seen (it has a cameo in DR Despair Time if you're curious). However, even though I'm not an expert, I think I know enough to definitively say Eva's very wrong about a few things.

Lots of math incoming, TL;DR after the next red title

As a refresher, this is a paraphrased version of what she explains.

Eva (Paraphrased) [4th FTE]: Take 1, ½, ⅓, ¼, and so on for infinity, and pretend they are characters in a tabletop game (TTG). An enemy casts a status effect on your denominators so that they are all raised to the power of p, where the value of p is decided by dice roll. Now your characters are 1, 1/2ˆp, 1/3ˆp, etc. For your turn, you add all of your characters together, and that’s the zeta function ζ(p) = 1 + 1/2ˆp + 1/3ˆp + ... What is the value of ζ(p)?

This is good, that sum is indeed the first way to define the zeta function (more on that later), so it's correct. However, she then makes two statements. 

Statement 1: If p is higher than 1, then you get a whole number; a number without decimals. ( ζ(p) = a whole number). Statement 2: If p is lower than 1, then you get 0, “an infinite amount of zeroes.” ( ζ(p) = 0).

(You’ll notice I put that last thing in quotes. I’ll get back to it)

Now, I’m going to ignore a few minor inaccuracies which Eva likely makes to simplify the concepts, because they’re not too important. For example; you can’t “add” infinite numbers, that’s not a thing. An infinite series can converge, which is slightly different from arithmetic addition. However, the two things are close enough that, for most people, the distinction doesn’t really matter. In other words, I’m fine with her saying she’s adding infinite numbers together, and similar claims. 

There's one inaccuracy I can’t gloss over, though; Eva never tells Damon which dice is rolled to determine the value of p. In math terms, she never tells him the domain of the function (the domain of a function, btw, is the set of values for which the function is defined). Are the values p can take real or complex? Can it be any real/complex, or are there restrictions? 

For the unaware, since this is gonna come up, I’ll define a complex number using the TTG analogy. A complex number is a special character born by adding together a real number "r" (one of the numbers you’re all familiar with), and another real number "b" equipped with (math: multiplied by) the Epic Tier item known as the imaginary unit “i”. This Epic item has the property that iˆ2 = -1. So basically a complex number "z" is one where

z = r + bi

where r,b are real and i is the imaginary unit. "r" is known as the real component, and "b" is the imaginary component.

(Note: All real numbers are complex numbers where b=0, but not all complex numbers are real)

In case you’re curious, these things are used in several fields, such as the study of electrical circuits with alternating current, and they appear in relation to the Schrödinger equation- I’m getting off track.

So, what dice does Eva want the opponent to roll to define p? Well, she never says it, but we can infer. She says that p can be “higher than 1,” and that clues us in that she’s probably rolling the dice of real numbers. After all, there’s no universally agreed upon definition of what it means for a complex number to be “higher than” another complex number. Meanwhile, she doesn’t mention any restrictions on what value p can take, so it’s safe to say she’s implying that p can be any real number higher than or lower than 1, aka any real number except maybe 1. Now, the zeta function doesn’t actually have that domain, but we’ll get to that.

For now, let’s analyze her statements assuming p is any real number other than 1. Let’s take a look at the first one. 

Statement 1: If p is higher than 1, then ζ(p) is a whole number; a number without decimals. 

This is wrong. Just so we’re clear, I could probably prove, with my somewhat limited math knowledge, that this statement can only work if the domain is more restrictive than “all real numbers other than 1” as described previously. It'd have to be defined only in whole numbers, for example.

However, I don’t need to. One of the first lines in the Wikipedia page of the zeta function says that ζ(3) (which is the value you get after “adding all your characters” when p = 3) is an irrational number. That is, among other properties, a number with infinite decimals. Eva could not be more wrong if she tried. 

(Btw, yes I'm using Wikipedia as my only source. Not particularly rigorous research on my part, but this is a silly Tumblr post about funny killing game, there's a limit to my insanity)

I don’t even know how this happened, btw. It’s pretty clear this is a goof on the devs’ side (perfectly understandable btw, it took me several reads of the Wikipedia pages for both the zeta function and the Riemann hypothesis to even get them enough to write this post, and as stated I study a lot of math for my career), but I genuinely don’t know where they got the idea from. There’s nothing I could find about whole numbers in relation to the zeta function. There’s connections to prime numbers, which are all whole, but the series doesn't converge to them, the connection is a bit weirder than that. There's also some stuff Euler found about it converging to rational numbers for negative integers, but again, not whole numbers, and not even for real values above 1. So, yeah, no clue.

Anyways, what about the other statement?

Statement 2: If p is lower than 1, then you get 0, “an infinite amount of zeroes.”

This is also obviously wrong. In fact, reader! Can you think of a counterexample which is immediately obvious if you think about it for two seconds? A real number p lower than 1 such that ζ(p) isn't 0?

If you said “zero, because zero always breaks everything in very obvious ways,” you have good intuition! You could have also picked any other real number lower than 1, but those are less obvious.

For 0, the reason it’s so apparent is that any number raised to the power of zero is just 1, so 1 + 1/2ˆ0 + 1/3ˆ0 + … just turns into 1 + 1 + 1 + … and so on for infinity. Very obviously, the series diverges, it “goes to infinity.” This is very different from converging to 0.

And just so we’re clear, the series also diverges for any real value of p lower than 1, though I’ll leave proving that one as an exercise to the reader, with the help that I’ll tell you the infinite series 1 + ½ + ⅓ + ¼ + … also goes to infinity. Again, Eva could not be more wrong if she tried. 

So, what went wrong here? Turns out, the way Eva defined the zeta function as an infinite series (a "sum of infinite numbers”) only works when p is a complex number with a real component higher than 1. That’s why it was important for her to say what dice we were rolling to determine p, what the domain of the function defined by the series is. For other numbers, you need to define zeta in different ways.

And what happened to the whole “infinite zeroes��� thing? Well, you see, I have a theory. I think the devs must have read that the zeta function had “an infinite amount of zeroes for values of p with a real component lower than 1” (which is true, but doesn’t mean what they think it means), and misinterpreted from there. Fair mistake. I kinda wanna correct it using the TTG analogy, but I’ll leave that for the end of the post because it’s gonna derail the entire thing.

(I got carried away and explained everything I understood about the Riemann zeta function oops)

What you need to know for now; you can do some math tricks to define the zeta function outside of the infinite series Eva described, though a lot of those tricks are way above my pay grade. That way, you can evaluate the function for any complex value of p other than 1. In other words, you can roll different die for p, but it requires redefining what you're doing with that p.

Turns out, in doing that, some funky shit happens, and any time p equals -2n for any n which is a natural number (that is, p = -2 or -4 or -6 or -8, etc.), the zeta function will go to zero. Those values of p are known as the “trivial zeroes” of the function, and are obviously infinite in number. However, note that these trivial zeroes are exclusively negative even integers; there are plenty of real values of p lower than 1 for which the zeta function is not zero, so Eva still isn’t correct at all.

Though, to be clear, there are also zeroes of the function other than the trivial ones. This is actually where the Riemann hypothesis comes in. The hypothesis is that any non-trivial zero of the zeta function has a real component of exactly ½, with the only difference between them being the imaginary component (if you didn't follow, again, more detailed explanation at the bottom of the post). This (in our world) has not been definitively proven to work for every non-trivial zero, though it does work for the first several trillion. 

Absurdly nerdy math rant over

So TL;DR, Eva made some pretty big mistakes when talking about the convergence of the zeta function, mainly stemming from not properly defining its domain, but also just straight up getting the convergence wrong. It doesn’t converge exclusively to whole numbers for real numbers above 1, and has to be defined in a different way for real values below 1, not to mention that she never brings up the full function is actually defined for complex numbers other than 1. 

Obviously, this all likely stems from the creators not actually understanding the zeta function themselves, which is pretty funny.

But you wanna know what the bigger issue is? That even if Eva had properly explained the zeta function, her paper would still suck ass. Because there’s a much bigger, more fundamental issue with the very thesis it upholds.

I want you to take a step back. Really look past the complex math and weird terms and the contrast between the very serious sounding Riemann zeta function and the somewhat silly concept of a TTG… 

And realize that the thesis of the paper Eva describes is “analogies exist.”

She can frame it however she likes, but ultimately, that’s what the point of the paper was. Eva, where the hell did you even get this published? In fact, I think it’s silly for you to say that it’d have been better received if your talent was different, because without it, I don’t see a world where this shit could even be submitted to any journal with even a modicum of self respect!

And look, she’s not wrong. I get her point, that mathematicians often don’t put in enough effort to communicate their work to the layman, and would benefit from explaining things in more creative ways. That’s cool. But that’s the kind of thing you would write for, like, an article or something.

But a paper is specifically meant for research. Calling this thing a paper almost feels insulting to mathematicians. Like the concept of using analogies to explain math is an unprecedented discovery that required actual research to figure out. Unless this paper was also the one where Eva solved the Riemann hypothesis (which God I hope that was a different paper), there's no new information being presented here. It's at best a personal opinion piece, which is not what scientific papers are for. 

Am I silly for getting hung up on the wording of this being described as a paper instead of an article or opinion piece or whatever? Well, this entire post is silly, but I don't think it's because of that, because words mean things. And a scientific paper carries certain connotations that do not align with what Eva describes.

And this little issue casts doubt in her general skill as a paper writer. That's why I'm a bit skeptical about the paper she mentions about the "theoretical possibility of lightspeed travel.” Because, quite frankly, that paper topic sounds… meaningless? Like a bunch of technobabble?

Like, what exactly are you discussing about lightspeed travel? In fact, what are you actually referring to when you say "lightspeed travel"? Matter approaching lightspeed, or reaching or even exceeding lightspeed? The latter two are impossible according to current scientific consensus, btw. Or is she discussing a particular trick to get something from point A to point B in less time than it would take for light to cover that distance? There are papers discussing stuff like that, even if all the mechanisms are also thought to be impossible by consensus. And regardless of what she means by "lightspeed travel", what does she mean "theoretical possibility” of it? Like, genuinely, I have no clue. Is she speculating on whether or not it's possible? Is she speculating on the properties such travel would have? Is she proposing a theoretical method to do it? Is she doing something else entirely? The premise of the paper is too vague, is my point. 

This worries me because… well, to put it bluntly, experts in related fields (such as mathematics) attempting to make cool sounding physics theories (such as a paper on the "theoretical possibility of lightspeed travel", whatever that means) which are completely wrong and nonsensical is a real, observable phenomenon in our world. Check out Angela Collier's "physics crackpots: a 'theory’” to find out more. And also check out the rest of her youtube channel it's great.

What Eva is doing with that paper honestly sounds remarkably close to what Angela describes there. In fact, let's check out whether or not Eva's hypothetical paper fits any of the four points Angela brings up to spot a crackpot theory.

1. “Addresses THE BIGGEST PROBLEMS in physics.”

By this, Angela means that the theory addresses a problem or topic that anyone with a passing interest in physics knows is a big deal. Things like dark matter, gravity, black holes, and yes, "lightspeed travel.” You're not going to see anyone with a crackpot theory on the equation of state of real gases or Eddy currents, because by the point you know what those things are in enough depth to be interested in them, you probably also know enough to determine what a good physics theory is and what isn't. Eva's paper fits this point, but that doesn't necessarily mean Eva is a crackpot physicist, right? 

2 and 4. “Lacking mathematical rigor, experimental data, etc.” and “They are not physics theories”

I grouped these two because it's impossible for me to know whether Eva's paper would actually fit these points or not. She doesn't give enough details for me to say. I can tell you for sure it's not gonna have experimental data, but since it's theoretical physics, that's fine. So, we can maybe give her the benefit of the doubt? As long as she doesn't fit the last point too well maybe-

3. “Respond with anger, claim physics establishment has blacklisted them, cite Galileo/Einstein/etc."

Oh no. 

Eva [1st FTE]: I could write a research paper on the theoretical possibility of lightspeed travel, but no one would care…

Oh no chat. She might actually be a crackpot physicist. 

It doesn't help that her mentality in general is actually very in line with the mentality described in the Angela video mentioned above. That because she's a smart person (which she is; again, solved the damn Riemann hypothesis), she should be able to easily become recognized and respectable in any field she takes interest in. But that isn't how the world works. There's a reason people spend years of their life studying literature, physics, or mathematics, just to truly get a grasp of each discipline individually. 

Ok, but, like, what's my point? Am I going to include her misunderstanding of the zeta function and the possibility of her being a "crackpot physicist” in any character analysis? No, of course not. You're very clearly meant to think Eva is genuinely skilled in every field she approaches, because this is a fangan and Ultimates can bend the limits of humanity to fit a narrative. I'm perfectly willing to accept that Eva solved the Riemann hypothesis, as you've seen throughout this post, even though I'd be highly skeptical of anyone making that same claim in the real world, "Ultimate” or not. The same way I'd accept that a fictional character of any kind could manage to accelerate a particle to exactly lightspeed, even though I'd immediately call bullshit if someone claimed to do it in real life. The standard for believability is different for fictional characters than real people, basically.

Really, when you boil it down, I only take issue with the things Eva says because I'm genuinely passionate about the topics she mentions, and because she gives enough details about her work for me to see the cracks in the writers’ knowledge of them. I'm assuming this is a common issue with any fangan that tries to really explain what being an "Ultimate” in a particular field entails, because no one is actually well versed enough in sixteen different talents to actually say that for sure. That's why Eva off-handedly mentioning that she solved the Riemann hypothesis is much more effective as a way to establish her skill than trying and failing to get her to actually explain the zeta function. 

All in all, this is just a purely self-indulgent post for me to vent about issues I have with the way the writers tried to convey Eva's expertise. Feel free to completely ignore this for character analysis, because I sure will. I just needed to talk about it because I would explode if I didn't. Anyways, hope you enjoyed! If you made it this far, you deserve a function named specifically after you! See y-!

Oh right I almost forgot.

My Own Explanation of the Riemann Zeta Function Using the TTG Analogy

(Explained by someone with little more than Wikipedia access, take all this with a grain of salt)

Think of finding the zeroes of a function as a boss fight. You go up to them, and you cast a spell, generally in the form of a number, such that the function becomes zero when you cast it. For example, the Easy Function

f(x) = 2x - 6

can be defeated by casting “3”, since 2x3 - 6 = 0. 

Every function also has a “domain”, which is a set of spells you can actually cast against it. For example, since 1/0 is undefined, the Medium Function g(x) = 1/x has a domain of all complex numbers except 0. Casting 0 against g has no effect. You need a special spell, “limit when x tends to infinity” (or negative infinity) to defeat it.

The zeta function is a Legendary Boss, defined by the infinite series ζ(s) = 1 + 1/2^s +1/3^s + … 

(I changed p to s for a reason trust the process)

Many mathematicians had tried to defeat it before, but it seemed futile*. Its domain was thought to be all real numbers higher than 1 (they originally didn't think to use complex numbers against it), but no matter what number was picked, that first term was too powerful. Even casting “limit when s tends to infinity” only got zeta down to 1. Nothing in its domain seemed to work.

Until Riemann arrived. 

The zeta function chuckled, thinking this one to be like all the many others before him. But the legendary mage Riemann had many a trick the zeta function hadn't seen before. Tricks to make make the domain of the function larger, so that new Number Spells could be cast against it. Where everyone else had only ever attempted to cast real numbers against this boss, he wouldn't be satisfied with that. Without warning, he cast the first of many powerful spells needed to do what needed to be done.

"Domain Expansion; Proof of Complexity"

Since you already knew this part, I'll skip the proof, but basically, Reimann quickly showed that the infinite series which defined the zeta function for real numbers higher than one actually worked for any complex number with a real component higher than one.

The zeta function was impressed, but unconcerned. It knew damn well there was still no spell in this new domain which could possibly defeat it. "Nice try, but I'm not scared of some imaginary unit” it claimed. 

“I'm aware,” claimed Reimann. He raised his hands again, his mana swelling, and the zeta function frowned. “But you're mistaken if you think this is the end.”

Reimann looked at the Legendary Boss in front of him, and cast the following, powerful incantation, with the help of the runes described below. 

"Domain Expansion; Analytic Continuation"

To truly defeat the zeta function, one must understand the concept of an analytic continuation. This is where I falter, for I myself don’t understand what the fuck that is. However, what I've been able to gather is that the function 

𝜂(s) / (1 - 2/2ˆs) where 𝜂(s) = 1/1ˆs - 1/2ˆs + 1/3ˆs - …

is equal to the zeta function in the zeta function's domain, but is also defined outside of it. In particular, it's defined for any complex number with a positive real component, except for the points where

1 - 2/2ˆs = 0

(can't be dividing by zero after all!). That last thing excludes 1, for example.

Basically, think of the spell "Domain Expansion; Analytical Continuation” as a shapeshifting spell that transforms the zeta function from the previous definition:

ζ(s) = 1 + 1/2ˆs + 1/3ˆs + … for s complex numbers with a real component higher than 1.

to now being defined as:

ζ(s) = 𝜂(s) / (1 - 2/2ˆs) for the previously described new domain.

That way, its domain is expanded to include complex numbers with a real component between 0 and 1, aside from those where 2/2ˆs = 1.

But of course, Reimann wouldn't be satisfied with that. The next spell was simpler, but worthwhile nonetheless. 

"Domain Expansion; Limiting Singularity Removal"

See, turns out, all the points "z” where the analytic continuation was undefined, other than 1, where removable singularities (I think? I don't actually know much about complex functions :v), which means the spell "limit when s tends to z” returns a finite number l. That way, you can define ζ(z) = l for all of these removable singularities, expanding the domain of the zeta function to all complex numbers with a positive real component, other than 1.

Don't worry if you don’t know what a limit is or you didn't follow this part, it's not too important for this. After all, that last spell didn't worry the zeta function. What had truly taken it aback was the analytic continuation, which suddenly exposed a few weak spots of the zeta function to the world. Now, Reimann could defeat it once and for all, as long as he found the right spell in the new domain. 

However, the zeta function was a Legendary Boss for a reason. "Fancy tricks, but it won't be easy to find something to actually defeat me, you know,” it bluffed, hoping intimidation would work. Foolish hope.

"Oh, certainly,” Reimann agreed readily, smiling. The zeta function was confused for a moment, until it realized something horrifying. 

Reimann's mana was swelling again. He wasn't done. And for the first time since it's run-in with Euler all those years back, the zeta function felt true fear.

“It won't just be easy,” Reimann smirked. “It will be trivial.”

"Domain Expansion; Functional Equation"

This is another point where the math is beyond me, but I'll try to explain. Basically, Reimann proved that that equality up there holds true as long as s is a complex number with a real component strictly higher than 0 and strictly lower than 1.

However, you'll notice that if you take s as a complex number with a real component equal to or lower than 0 (other than 0 itself), then the right side of the equation is actually well defined, because 1 - s is a complex number with a positive real component (and not equal to 1 unless s is exactly 0), meaning ζ(1 - s) is well defined. You also don't run into issues with any of the other factors of that equation, including the Gamma function (𝚪). What that means is that this equation can be used to extend the zeta function's domain to all complex numbers other than 0 and 1. 

Think of this domain expansion as a shapeshifting curse. If you cast a complex number with a real component strictly higher than 0 (other than 1), then the zeta function defends by turning into either the analytic continuation from before:

ζ(s) = 𝜂(s) / (1 - 2/2ˆs)

or the limit for any values where 1 - 2/2ˆs.

Meanwhile, if you cast a number s with a real component equal to or lower than 0 (other than 0 itself), then the zeta function shapeshifts to be:

ζ(s) = 2ˆs 𝜋ˆ(s-1) sin(s𝜋/2) 𝚪(1-s) ζ(1-s)

The final step is yet another Domain Expansion; Limiting Singularity Removal on 0, where ζ(0) = -½. Again not really important for us. 

In any case, Riemann had done it. Five consecutive domain expansions, so that the zeta function's domain now included all complex numbers except 1. The zeta function was on its last legs, all that was needed was the final touch. For the inexperienced, you might think finding a zero would still be difficult, but the truly expert mages among you might have already noticed the weak spot in the functional equation. 

The sine function. A Common Enemy which goes to 0 whenever it's attacked by a whole number equipped with the Legendary Tier item 𝜋. And when a complex number with a negative real component is cast against the zeta function, sin(s𝜋/2) becomes one of the factors.

"You know what this means, don't you, zeta?” Riemann asked. And the zeta function couldn't muster a response before the legendary mage cast his final spell. "You lose.”

"Simple Spell; Negative Even Integer"

-2, -4, -8, etc. Any even integer s causes s/2 to be a whole number, so sin(s𝜋/2) goes to zero. And since it's multiplying everything else, the entire zeta function goes to zero. These negative even integers are known as the zeta function's "trivial zeroes", and because there are infinite negative even integers, it can be said that the zeta function has an infinite amount of zeroes.

However, just because the Riemann zeta function had been defeated, doesn't mean Reimann was satisfied. See, Riemann noticed that there were other values which could defeat the zeta function, and weren't negative even integers. These are the zeta function's non-trivial zeroes. And he noticed that all of these zeroes followed a pattern, so he tried to cast a Prophecy Spell.

A Prophecy Spell (or a theorem, in real math terms) is one that makes it so that, when certain conditions are met, something happens without fail. To cast a Prophecy Spell, you must prove it, which means using other prophecy spells, runes and unbreakable laws (axioms) to certify that it's a valid prophecy. 

I'll give you an example in case you're not used to the concept of mathematical proof, and cast the Prophecy Spell “if b is a real number, then b0 = 0". To prove it, I'll use two axioms (these are the building blocks of mathematics, and don't need to be proven because they just Are).

1) 0 + c = c (0 is neutral to addition).

2) b(c + d) = bc + bd (Distributive Property)

Now, observe the following:

1) b(c + 0) = b(c + 0) [Trivially true.]

2) bc = bc + b0 [0's neutrality used on the left, distributive on the right]

3) 0 = b0 [Because bc = bc, you can nullify the terms]

I chose this because it happens to be the reason you can't divide by 0. Division is formally defined as multiplication with the reciprocal, so to divide by 0 you must first define its reciprocal 1/0. 1/0 would be defined as a number such that 0 x 1/0 = 1. But we just proved there's no real (or complex) number for which that can be true, so 1/0 isn't a number, thus is undefined.

In any case, now you know what's needed to cast a Prophecy Spell. However, Riemann couldn't finish the Prophecy spell about the non-trivial zeroes. He couldn't find proof or a counterexample to refute it. And so, his unfinished Prophecy Spell went down in history… as the Riemann Hypothesis.

“All non-trivial zeroes of the Riemann zeta function have a real component of exactly ½.”

Although it's been proven to hold true for trillions of non-trivial zeroes, it has never been properly proven or refuted, so the Riemann Hypothesis remains… unsolved. 

God that was nerdy and cringy as hell. It was also super fun to write so I don't care :D 

*Look, for the purpose of the post, I'm saying Riemann did all this shit and is the first one to find a value for which the zeta function becomes zero. This is likely not historically accurate. I'm just doing it so the explanation flows better. This should only be taken as an explanation of the function itself, and not the history behind it.

[asaedw]

I wrote this essay a year ago and...

WHY ITOSHI SAE IS THE BEST BOYFRIEND MATERIAL EVER.

Because of the large number of people in this world, there are many different perspectives and many opinions. Everyone has varying taste in men and everyone has a different point of view about what’s right and what’s wrong in a man. Lots of people want a man who can flirt, or has popularity and attention. Lots of girls want really tall men. But they would, unfortunately for their misfortune of a taste, be wrong. There is no other answer but ‘Sae Itoshi.’ In general, telling someone that their opinion is ‘wrong’ or ‘incorrect’ would be an uneducated way of dismissing someone’s point. But, when it comes to the topic of the best man alive, there is only one answer. That’s because this answer isn’t based on opinion but facts and logic. Anyone who opposes would be considered ‘illiterate’ by mentally sane people and emotionally stable people. The reasons why ‘Sae Itoshi’ is the best boyfriend to ever exist in the past, present and future are discussed in the following paragraphs.

First and foremost, there is no reason for an educated person to not acknowledge Sae’s talent. He is an incredibly skilled football/soccer player. He can put his whole heart into playing the game or not put his heart in at all, and he’d still win against eleven people alone. There is no doubt that his talent is the first thing that comes to mind when the name ‘Sae’ is spoken of. He has made history by being the greatest striker in Japan, referred to as ‘Japans prodigy’. There is no mistake in this title but the understatement. A more fitting nickname would be ‘Japans only hope’. Anyone who thinks any less of Sae Itoshi’s skill has never touched a book in their life.

But that’s not all that Sae has in store. There is a very important factor of Sae Itoshi that we mustn’t miss. That is his dedication skills. Sae is the type of man to not find himself interested in too many things. He’s not the type to have many hobbies. But when he does find himself passionate about something, he would dedicate his life to it. Imagine being loved by this guy! He would do any to everything for a person or thing he truly loves. That fact has been nothing but proven throughout Sae Itoshi’s public life on the Soccer field. Sae Itoshi tells it like it is, a brutally honest and blunt man. He does not appreciate a lie, and he wouldn’t lie over his dead body. Nor does he feel the need to pretend like he’s enjoying something he isn’t. In other words, an honest and straightforward character. This has been seen through his interviews where he would get up and leave whenever he wanted. It doesn’t matter to him if people will criticize him for being uncomfortable or so on, and leaving the interview.

Lots of people believe his behavior to be ‘rude’ or ‘arrogant’. Some even refer to him has ‘narcissistic’. The people throwing such terms at him do not realize what stoicism is. Sae is a man driven naturally to his own goals and ambitions. A man who is always trying to improve aspects of his personality and physique. To him, socializing and idle chit-chat is a waste of time and to him, time is something precious. Hence, his exit mid-convos. He has always been a hard-working man and that has only become a sharper trait of his personality as he grew. His god-like demeanor and his confidence makes him seem narcissistic. Although the term isn’t completely not-defining of him, it must be understood that this word is a term from a mental illness and diagnoses shouldn’t be thrown around. Not to mention that Sae is the type of man form whom being narcissistic is excusable. This is because of his many personality traits that make him more appreciateable than the average human of his age or older.

Now let’s talk about what the eye sees. What do you see when you look at Sae? If you said someone ‘unattractive’ even by the slightest, then you need glasses. Not just any, but make sure your glass is two to four times sharper then you need it to be. A young man with a jaw that cuts glass and eyes that pierce souls. A mysterious and reserved individual who has the charm of a prince and a god.  Usually, you would need to flirt with women or wink to catch their hearts. But this guy? He doesn’t need to do that. In fact, gathering women doesn’t even make it to his priority list. And yet, there are so many edits of him on the internet in which the comments are all like, ‘till my insides are out.’ Or, ’we ain’t stopping.’ Etc. In other words, he is a beautiful guy with aventurine marbles as eyeballs and knives as his eyes, sharp and sexy. And no, the haircut or bangs is not a valid reason to find him unattractive.

Have you heard this guy’s voice? If not, then I recommend that you get prepared and watch a video of him speaking. That deep and husky, growly and raspy voice of his. His voice could put my anxieties to rest but the same voice could drive one insane. His voice is the perfect real-voice of how book characters voices are described. Have you heard him speaking Spanish? I felt something dripping down my leg. And if you didn't, you are a liar.

Let’s talk about his success too while we’re at it. I mean, he’s nineteen(in 2025). But he’s already more successful than many people older than him. According to a fact, he currently owns two accounts. One account holds the Japanese Yen. Around a hundred million, which he has referred to as ‘a small amount of money’. In his dollar account, he owns up to almost a million dollars.

Let’s discuss his collectivity and stress management. In a relationship, dealing with situations and arguments in a calm manner is much more suited. Sae Itoshi has never been known to lose his temper and even if he were to so, he would let out his anger by doing one of his favorite things. He isn’t aggressive or abusive despite his cold nature. He seems to deal with every matter at hand with logic and pure conversation rather than anger or grudges. Or... just by not dealing with it at all. And that is something more important that you think. His morning routine consists of: opening the window to let in fresh air, taking a deep breath, morning yoga, meditation, drinking salted kombucha, and starting his day. That’s why he’s such a physically fit and mentally strong guy. (according to fact, duh.)

His passion and determination, his good looks and success, his drive for work and strengths, his mental and physical stability all combined into one man makes him the single (I hope to God) most perfect man to exist for a lady. I know many people still think he’s cold or to-be-avoided, but they are people who are forgetting that Sae is a gentle and nice guy when he loves someone. And they are also snowflakes. If he’s rude to you, you’re doing something stupid or wrong. He cannot be wrong or ‘misjudging’. And anyone who thinks he can are people who have never been treated nicely. It’s more than obvious that he’s a nice and respectful man with a girl he would love. You just need to be loveable in his eyes. Therefore, I conclude this essay. Kiss my ass if you disagree.

[gremlinmodetweeker]

Dead Weight On A Saturday Morning

So this was inspired by a comment from @callof-beauties on this story I wrote here about König yelling at his soldiers. The thought essentially boiled down to 'but what if he yelled at us like that' and I realized that both due to König not wanting to be that loud without a good reason and the physical limitations to being able to indulge, König wouldn't really be able to yell at you quite like that.

Would he totally have the meanest and nastiest tone as he whispers all sorts of nasty degrading shit into your ear? Absolutely. 100%. There's no doubt about that. But yelling? He can't do that.

Of course, reader doesn't know this, so reader fucks around and finds out just how König'll punish them for trying to make him mad.

Wordcount: 2.1k

Warnings: Reader purposefully trying to anger König, König being a bit heavy, pretty much pure fluff

Art from This Post

Story Below the Cut

Dead Weight On A Saturday Morning

Ever since you’d seen König at work, you’d been insatiable. You needed König to yell at you like he yelled at his trainees. You were feral, frothing at the mouth and doing everything in your power to drive König up the wall. You needed him more than you needed oxygen at this point. Unfortunately for you, König hadn’t picked up the memo.

Rather, König had just turned into an awful grouch. A part of you knew that the single answer to your problem was the beautiful term ‘communication’ but you couldn’t help yourself. Part of the excitement was getting him to do it spontaneously. After all, that was the whole goal, right? Get him worked up and watch the fireworks fly.

Of course, König was König and whenever König was involved in a plan, things were bound to go awry. You had to wonder how he ever became a colonel when he was a magnet for disaster. That said, König was a disaster for other people, not for himself. He could walk through Hell unscathed yet leave a trail of mass destruction in his wake. It was almost supernatural. You heard the stories from Horangi, how König would be perfectly comfortable sipping his drink while a brawl was wrecking the room around him. König, if he noticed at all, showed no signs.

This of course meant that whenever you planned for a specific reaction with König involved, the Austrian would gleefully (obliviously) throw a wrench into whatever wild machinations you were constructing. It was bizarre how effortlessly he screwed up everything around him. You had to wonder if he was actually oblivious, or if he was perfectly aware yet happily upturning any and all plans he encountered. It was a maddening life of chaos around him, with him sitting all content in the eye of the hurricane as he sipped his morning coffee.

This morning, however, you determined things would be different. You were sure of that. You were perfectly sure in your actions because you’d finally be violating the one rule of the household: don’t disturb König’s coffee time.

It was a simple yet effective rule. König was a coffee snob like no other. You’d tried to make him coffee in the morning when you first lived together, but he’d pretty quickly shooed you away to fix your mistakes. Of course, your greatest offense was using that abhorrent sludge you referred to as ‘instant’ coffee. He’d sniffed and called it instant laxatives, and that was the last day you ever had instant coffee in your house.

Over time, you learned König’s routine and managed to replicate his preferred brew perfectly. It was a strange combination of brewing for a set amount of time using bottled spring water he specially ordered online and steaming milk to a set temperature before cooling it to pour into König’s mug. On special days, he might even go for a spoonful of coconut sugar. Not caster, not brown, heaven forbid refined, but coconut. It had to be coconut or else he’d throw a hissy fit.

Today, of course, you knew König was champing at the bit for that spoonful of sugar and you’d be happy to provide. You choice of sugar, of course, being the dreaded white sugar that he so despised.

Of course, his coffee wasn’t all. König was a beast of habit, and little traits of his stuck with him since childhood. He had to have his orange juice in a small glass (‘I could never have more than a single serving! That would ruin my calorie distribution for the day’) and a cup of milk. Once he drank his milk, he’d wash his glass and fill it with water to chase down the milk. You’d asked him why, and he had only shrugged and told you it was good to stay hydrated. He had then gone into detail about why your morning nutrition was key to a successful day, then proceeded to nitpick your breakfast and accompanying drink until you’d been so sick of his madness that you left back to the bedroom to sleep for another hour.

So, with König’s eccentric tendencies surrounding his morning routine in mind, that morning you placed König’s mug on his special coaster (knit by his Oma to celebrate his entrance into the army) before sitting across the table and waiting.

König was none the wiser, and who could blame him? You were his ever-faithful partner. You’d never dare to betray your beloved husband, would you? Never! Or at least, not until today.

König flipped through his book idly.

“Whatcha reading?” you asked as casually as you could while sipping your orange juice.

“‘A Brief Survey of Austrian History’,” he replied as he turned a page, “by Richard Rickett.”

“Is it any good?” you asked.

“It’s decent. There are some minor inaccuracies scattered throughout, but for the most part it’s a good read,” König said as he skimmed the page before turning the book to you, “here’s a nice drawing of Prince Eugene of Savoy.”

It was a beautiful black and white copy of what was obviously a commissioned portrait, the man in question with a full white wig and a high forehead, a pronounced nose and a subtle smile. He seemed so at ease, very unlike König in just a moment.

“Did he do anything cool?” you asked.

“I’m at the part where they’re discussing what he did on the eastern front,” König explained, skimming the page with a finger, “he apparently became quite the statesman after his success on the fields.”

“That’s interesting,” you sipped your drink a bit too loudly to be accidental.

König’s finger paused on the page as his eyes glanced up from the little book. He stared at you carefully before flicking back to the book, a quiet recognition of your rude behavior and a silent warning to stop. 

“So what’re you doing today? It’s the weekend, so you gotta have some plans, right?” you watched him carefully.

“I was hoping to catch up on some reading today after I cut the grass,” König drawled, “maybe paint a couple of those soldiers my brother gave me at Christmas. It’s been months and I haven’t even touched them! He’d be horrified.”

“You sure do like your armies,” you mused.

“They’re perfect for my dioramas,” König muttered, “but aside from that, I expect Horangi or one of my sisters to bother me about something soon enough. They usually keep me busy.”

“Sounds like you’re pretty busy,” you nodded slowly.

König, polite as ever, made no move to ask about your plans and instead focussed on his reading. Once, you’d have been offended. Now you were just exasperated more than anything else. You should really know better than to try and talk to him when he’s reading, but you still sometimes wished he’d put his book away and actually talk, but that was a lot to ask for the quiet man.

You watched carefully as König made his way through his orange juice. Every so often, he’d dip his soldiered toast into the runny yolk of his egg, take a bite, and then put it away until he turned the page. When dealing with König, patience was key to success.

Soon, König had finished his orange juice (along with his toast) and had pulled a tray of fruits in front of him. He resettled himself on his chair with a grunt and lifted his cup of coffee. He took a sniff, then scrunched his brows.

“Is everything alright?” you asked slyly.

“Should be,” König muttered before taking a slow sip. He pulled his lips into a line. He took another sip. His brows knit tightly together. He took a final sip and put his coffee down.

You were practically vibrating with excitement.

König leveled you with a steely stare and flatly said, “No.”

You raised an eyebrow, “No?”

“No,” he grunted and drew himself up before slumping back in his chair with a huff, “I’m not doing it.”

“Doing what?” your eyes widened, shock and horror making your heart skip a beat in your chest.

He looked at you with an exasperated face, “I’m not yelling at you.”

“What!” you scoffed, “what do you mean? What-what are you talking about!?”

König closed his eyes and took a long breath in before slowly drawing it out his nose, “I know you think it’s hot when I yell, but I can’t do that to you. And again, I don’t want the neighbors to know.”

You groaned. The jig was up, and unfortunately König had played his cards expertly.

“If I raise my voice even just a tiny bit,” König explained with patience that rivaled that of a parent or a saint, “if I yelled, our neighbors would know everything.”

“These walls are pretty well insulated,” you huffed petulantly.

“Maus,” he sighed, “when I yell I can easily fill an entire parade square. If I have an army marching behind me, the farthest man at the back can still hear me yelling at them. I am too loud to yell at you in bed. Anyways, how would that even work? I fuck you and scream in your face? Maus that make no sense.”

“I mean, maybe we could go to an abandoned forest or like…” you trailed off with a sigh, “you’re not gonna do it, are you.”

König shook his head slowly as he took another long sip of coffee. Loudly, you noted.

“Okay but can’t you do something like that?” you whined.

“I can maybe raise my voice a bit,” König relented, “I can try and shift my tone too. I think you’re more after the tone than the volume, I’ll be honest, but I’m not having our neighbors think I’m an abusive husband.”

You paused.

“Oh it would sound like that, wouldn’t it,” you mused.

“If I called you a dirty whore that needs a good slap?” König laughed, “ja! Ja I would! Maus please, I borrowed Austin’s weed whacker to cut our grass today. How could I look him in the eye if he thought I beat you?”

You nodded slowly. That certainly threw a wrench in your plans, but then again, such was König’s specialty. You were thoroughly beat. König was completely right. There was no way he could yell at you like he did his soldiers. Of course you’d accept a compromise, but it just wasn’t quite the same. Well, beggars can’t be choosers, you thought with a sigh.

“But,” König put down his now empty mug, “you can’t just do this,” he gestured to the mug, “and think I’ll just ignore it. You’ve been pestering me all week, and wouldn’t you know? My schedule for the weekend just opened up!”

A thrill raced down your spine.

“You, Maus,” König stated as he picked himself up from his seat, “are coming with me.”

And with that, he hauled over his shoulder. To your surprise, he didn’t make his way back up the stairs to bed, but rather to the plush sofa you’d put in the living room. Without any proper decorum or grace, he threw you down onto the ottoman with a laugh.

You turned to ask what he was doing when he promptly sat down on your gut and kicked his feet up onto the stool. He laughed at your pathetic wheeze as he turned on the television.

“Get the fuck off of me!” you managed to spit out under the 250 lb weight now sat neatly on top of you.

“Oh look!” he commented, “little Maus is squeaking!”

You grumbled and groaned.

"I don't understand why you're so upset," König drawled, "you wanted a big man to punish you, put you in your place, ja? And I did! You're right where you belong! Underneath me."

"I didn't mean it like this!" you whined.

He ignored your desperate please for mercy as he flicked through your subscriptions, finally deciding on a dreaded movie.

“No you’re not making me watch it!” you screeched and flailed under the heavy mass on top of you, but with a scooch he was firmly seated on top, happily ignoring you whinging as the Netflix logo flashed on screen.

“Stoppit!” you spat and hissed, but König was happy to ignore you.

Your deadweight of a husband looked down at you from the corner of his eye, “I’ve been wanting to watch some history documentaries on Netflix, see how good they are. You’re not opposed, are you?”

“Get the fuck off of me you fatass,” you snarled back.

“Oh good,” König turned back to look at the screen, “I’ve got a few lined up that I want to watch.”

König fell into a comfortable silence as the narrator began regaling the stories of Einstein’s involvement in the Heisenberg project, happily ignoring your writhing and squeaking with ease.

“I should’ve gotten some snacks,” König muttered as he ground himself into your bones.

“I hate you so much.”

Story Masterlist