#this felt pointless and stupid
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Golden Fleece
#my art#cotl#cotl lamb#blood#it was really fun to ponder this one#cause in the game sprite the body on the fleece has the scale-like texture but the hem is sharp like the standard fleece#i felt a 2 tiered piece would work nicely to show both of these contrasting elements#the sprite always makes me think of gold scale mail but i wanted to avoid it looking explicitly like armor#since the fleece gives you stacking atk damage in exchange of taking 2x damage when hit#although tbqh gold armor would be fucking pointless anyways. gold is a very soft metal. which may have been the point but w/e#instead i wanted the shapes to be more reminiscent of wool since like. yknow. the golden fleece#and i wanted it to speak of luxury and power but be rather impractical for movement or protection#i just wanted to do an axe for funsies and by wonderful coincidence remembered the godly axe was gold :]#anyways this pose is brought to you by my stupid ass who spun too hard with my upper body when swinging a bat and felt cool for 1 second#before totally unbalancing myself and falling#the instant after this image lambo eats shit. rest in peace
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Based on my favorite gif lately
#my art stuff#digital art#baldurs gate 3#bg3#astarion#batstarion#once again specifying this is a spawn astarion with some sort of wild shape thing#bat#good morning#gif#Iâve been in such a weird place mentally about art lately#I just keep stopping myself from drawing things cus I want to draw Astarion -#- but fsr my brain decided I draw him wrong and thus makes it pointless to even start#bat form is fine - I have no problems with it. But in his normal form? no can do buckaroo.#Itâs one part why I havenât shared much art lately - I donât get happy enough about the âqualityâ#then just donât share it as a result - in turn making me feel worse because Iâm not posting - making me doubt myself more - etc etc#idk man - I got way too giddy earlier today cus someone could tell this was Astarion - even though this isnât even the version of him I -#- feel insecure about#I keep seeing these artists making more realistic art and cool comics and interactions - most of which are shaded really beautifully -#- and all I can think about is how I CANâT do that - even if it wouldnât fuck me up mentally#I just put too much stress on my ability to create realism and I keep âfailingâ at doing that (by actively avoiding it for my own health)#idk man - I just wish I felt better about Astarionâs stupid chin OTL
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no but i found this one video commentary about the final episode and the parts where the tiktoker said "this whole series was basically a torture show for Boston because the writers don't like people like Boston" and "the last episode was just to make sure that we as the audience hate him as much as the writers hate him" and "the writers wanted us to hate Boston so much that they completely changed his narrative" and "my biggest problem was with how they wrote Boston" pretty much sum it all up for me
#she also said âthe whole boston and nick thing was stupid as fuckâ and I FELT THAT#âthey just never stayed on the path of any storylineâ âboeing dan and atom basically pointless in the showâ I KNOW RIGHT?#âboston is not going to lie to your face - he usually doesn't talk about things but never denies when people confront himâ I FUCKING KNOW#idk but this final episode really ruined the whole series for me#only things i liked were boeing shirtless in the pool and my boy nicky realizing that self-love is a thing that actually exists#but beyond that... it's a big no for me#bostonnick storyline ended with episode 11 and i will not consider as canon any scene after that#and unless it's a whole new set of characters and storylines i don't give a single damn about a potential s2 with the remaining characters#only friends the series#only friends#ofts#only friends series#boston only friends#boston ofts#bostonnick
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third playthru antics so far involve gale agreeing to the hag's bargain and getting his eye fucked up in the process <3 and tbh i actually think this is the funniest possible choice they could make as a party since they all dismiss ethel's "netherese magic BLEUGH" reveal as just a symptom of gale already having that shit in his system. like its too much of a coincidence for something so ancient and mythic to happen TWICE to the SAME random guy so theyre all like yeah no shit !!!! gale is the netherese guy !!!! we knew that like a week ago idiot !!!!! foresight is not a gift im givng these people i am so sorry king </3
#tay plays bg3#bg3 spoilers#oc: lilithira#no metagaming in this house we make stupid decisions and live with the absolutely pointless consequences like MEN!!#I DO FEEL BAD INFLICTING *THINGS* UPON MY PARTY THO but lily's beady little eyes are too cute to get ripped out im sorry :(#and shes chomping down worm after worm for the team AND took gut's potion so idk. i think its fair personally#also i feel like if he's That willing to deal with raphael... a hag isnt that much better#its also the only way i could justify doing the ethel quest at all as lily#its so hard playing lawful evil/neutral chara who's lawful in a *business* sense not necessarily a moral sense#i have to justify doing ethel's quest not w all the ethical Mayrina angles but instead the 'oh you didnt hold up your bargain? die <3''#saving mayrina being just a sort of convenient conclusion to that. JHFDGJFKGD#i think if she hadn't felt personally enraged by ethel hurting gale she wouldve taken one look at mayrina and said damn that sucks gl tho#and left <3 no investigation no meddling no nothing <3 who is she to get in the way of a fellow girlboss just trying to make a living â#GFJKGFJKGF
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I remember seeing a post that had something like "I understand the narrative point of Grimmer having to die, but...", but I don't remember how and where I found it, so I don't know who I could directly ask to elaborate on that.
So, I'm asking here.
I do not understand the point of it. So, could someone explain why Grimmer had to die, narratively?
I admit, I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, and I already failed to pick up on the subtleties of Urasawa's writing (and drawing!) in multiple instances and only understood it later thanks to other people's analysis. So this may be just another case of me missing something, but in that case I would really appreciate if someone could point it out for me.
Because I've been thinking about it, and I just don't see what could warrant specifically his death.
Because let's start from the opposite - what would change if he didn't die that could mess with the overall narrative?
One thing that I could see is the presence of Bonaparta and Wim at the final showdown - but that's a rather weak argument considering that Grimmer himself was the one who wanted them to just stay at the house, so that issue could probably be just avoided altogether.
Another one could be Grimmer himself getting involved in that showdown - but I don't think killing him wouldn't be an overkill (lol) for avoiding that. He could easily be distracted or incapacitated in some other way - hell, the possibility for it was right there, just make his injuries heavy enough for him being unable to get back on his feet right away, but light enough for Tenma to be able to patch him up quickly (at least for the time being, until there's an opportunity to do it properly) - I'm not sure if my impression was correct, but I thought that maybe Grimmer started talking instead of letting Tenma patch him up because he didn't want Tenma to spend a lot of time on that at such a crucial moment, so he kinda refused the help and let himself die. (Also seeing Roberto with a similarly-looking (at least from the outside) wound and Lunge saying "it could be lethal if not treated" sure added some insult to injury lol - though I have to admit I have no idea what difference could actually be there, and we didn't really get a lot of details about Grimmer's wounds anyway.)
And I guess there also was a need for some conclusion/resolution to the whole Steiner thing, but, again - did Grimmer really have to die for that?.. If it was to show how human he became in being able to risk his life and probably die for... uhhh..... what exactly at that moment? The sausage girl was already dead when Grimmer went berserk, and the only other thing we saw after that is some dude flying out of the window - so I'm not even sure if that was his attempt to protect the people in the basement - at that moment they probably weren't even really in danger... Anyway, uhh, let's say it was to risk his life for the sake of (protecting?) others generally then. But... did we really need another confirmation of his ability to do that, especially after everything Grimmer had been doing the whole time - basically devoting his whole life to exposing the Kinderheim stuff, and even doing stuff like framing himself for the sake of Jan Suk?.. And if that rampage was mainly meant to be just a "his own emotions came back" moment - again, why would he have to die afterwards?..
I don't know, man. Like I said - maybe I'm just missing or forgetting something, but in that case I would sure like to know about that. So if anyone could help me with that - I would really appreciate it.
#naoki urasawa's monster#as much as i enjoy having fun with living in denial i actually don't mind character deaths in canon material#as long as they MAKE SENSE#but this just felt rather stupid and pointless#so if someone did manage to see some meaning in it - please explain it to me!#i just want to understand too#and maybe it will make me less salty about the whole thing lol#grimmer#c#meta
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lmao sometimes you get through a book and the only reason it wasn't a COMPLETE waste of time is because it did something Supremely Neat(tm) with structuring, so at least your writer!Brain gets to chew on that for a while
#text#personal#books#writing#anyway im not tagging the title or author here because she is in face on tumblr and that's Mean#but like. yikes.#what a pointless angry hopeless gratuitously violent meaningless book lmao#ma'am get some therapy cuz that was a vent session that did not need to enter the world...#there were a couple scary bits toward the beginning but. honestly mostly i was Bored#i didnt care about either character#needed more haunted house#needed NOT to push fascism off onto a fucking building lolol#needed more than a hatefuck of reconciliation#anyway it was just. very stupid. and i am tired#it felt like the author working through her own trauma. which!! valid!! understandable!!! healthy!!#but like.not in a way that was enlightening for me to see. it felt like a soapbox rant and like self-loathing NOT like a novel i paid $ for#i wish i had kinder things to say but i should just sleep
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if I had to sum up this year in one word I think it would be 'pointless'
#just. could have skipped this one#nothing useful there at all#very very pointless#did nothing. accomplished nothing. felt sad and hopeless most of the time. just... a stupid stupid year all around#I'm so lonely I'm pretty sure it's gonna kill me so that's fantastic#I need affection so bad goddammit someone just hug me please I'm losing my mind.#no that wouldn't even be enough.
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godddddd wasting time and energy on things that don't fucking matter has got to be THE worst feeling
#personal#i felt super embarrassed in my korean lesson today#because I didn't have a lot of time the last couple of weeks and I was trying to resolve the situation w the other tutor#when i should have just cut my losses and bailed#and look i know i'm learning there's literally no reason to be embarrassed etc but i am insane so that's not an option LOL#i should have somehow already known the contents of the lesson and therefore not needed the lesson hope this helps#but actually it was like i spent what little time i had preparing for the other lesson that was stupid and pointless rather than this one#and that just made me feel :( you know#in fairness to me my mental health was circling the drain literally until 2 days ago#so the last couple of days have just been like *sweeps up the carnage of various mental breakdowns and other insane behavior* LOL#but idk just generally feeling frustrated with myself even tho that's not super helpful#also frustrated that stupid bullshit has been taking up way too much of my time and energy lately#and it seems like the more i try to get the stupid bs out of the way the more it just dominates my life somehow#also super helpful that my brain's natural response to this state of being is 'well maybe you can't do anything right and should die :)'#like okay ty for your input LOL#despite how this sounds actually my korean lesson was REALLY good LOL#it was so good I just like got upset about wasting time on other bs you know??#anyway ty for coming to my nightly overshare i actually feel better now#love to shout into the void#exciting korean learning tag
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I love it when i accidentally stay up on the night im supposed to be catching up on sleep it totallly doesnt make me feel horrible all week long
#talk post#i love this blog i want to live here#I cant!!! i just cant!!! go to bed at a normal fucking time istg#but noooooo the wild grinders wiki no some stupid bullshit no one has ever cared about before#WHEN I DONT GET ENOUGH SLEEP MY MENTAL HEALTH GETS WAY WORSE!!!!! IF I DONT FIX IT WE ARE GOING TO GET TOO SILLY#(yelling at a mirror)#seriously bothers me tho that Im always worried about how intense my negative feelings have been lately#and im like âoh ill just get more sleepâ and then immediately fuck it up the next night making me tired all week#making me feel SO bad in the mornings and at night and increasing my paranoia and other such thoughts#and in trying to tune it all out just forget about it again leading to me fucking it up again#this is a bit dramatic its only happened 2 weeks in a row#but that feels like a lot because thats like 10 nights where i felt like i blinked and i had to wake up and go to school#and not only deal with my shitty social skills but the results of said thing#and also try to fight the thoughts that are like âthis shits pointless im not doing thisâ LIKE PLEASE pretend to be normal for one year#and also that one teacher i have who demands every students attention while he teaches like i already finished the work sheet shut it#like i do well in that class just let me do what i want im not being distracting like girl i have at least an 87 dw about me#PLUS most of the time im not even on my phone he just really wants me to look at the board but girl as i said I ALREADY DID WHATS ON THERE#i feel like i never get to relax but i do all the time so i dont know what i mean#i keep saying âits ok as long as i can bury all my thoughts and just keep going while filling what free time i have with things i enjoyâ#but things only work for so long#i hate the passage of time#anyawy erm wrong my guitar is in my mind (stupid ass guitar riff)#walks over to my bed and trips on the way falling asleep on the floor#ramble#hit post
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Why do ALL my comfort characters get killed off ⌠like this just happens REPEATEDLY
Data, Tony Stark, Castiel, and now IzzyâŚ.can I have ANY favs that survive the narrative?
#mott txt#Iâm sure thereâs more but whatever . usually Iâm not so upset abt it .#Tony and Izzy are the only two that have made me actually cry#like usually if it suits the narrative Iâm more okay with it. Izzyâs is the most pointless by far#well Cas and deans deaths were both stupid but thatâs par for the course with spn#when tony died I felt like my whole childhood died. but it made it easier for me to let go of the MCU#anyways if it doesnât matter theyâre literally fictional characters#but I relate so hard to Izzy for so many reasons and genuinely didnât see his death coming#shit hurted
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hheeeuuurrgghppbbtttt
#my dad messaged me today sayinâ he hopes to see me soon and it honestly ruined my day luke#like please leave me alone ://////#then some general normal Every Day BS happened at work and I just had to dip I almost walked off the job no word to my sups#Just makes me think of my mom which#i feel more justified after it I guess âcause sheâs the one who allegedly approves the messages her husband sent me when we had our fight#tbh life is better w/o her messaging me daily like I spent basically all of 2023#wanting to cut her off and she gave me even the lightest reason to do it so i did and itâs been nice#the pointless guilt I felt for not wanting to see my family has turned into general resentment and annoyance#i donât even miss her or him like I straight up just donât want to see my blood relatives theyâre not family to me theyâre just people#i happen to share genes with like if you really wanted to build a relationship with the person#you forced into this stupid world then maybe you shouldnât have been such insufferable assholes for the first 18 years#i spent most of my conversations with them over the phone last year basically just saying life sucks and that i want to kill myself#I need them to feel bad for conceiving me i need them to regret it#my cousin Aaron has the right idea tbh like last I heard he wasnât talking to my uncle or anyone w/ blood relations really#following in his footsteps. I legit just got so full of rage and frustration when my dad messaged me itâs been like 3 weeks since we spoke#it was so obvious that I didnât like my mom growing up everyone knew it and berated me for it like how am i supposed to accept that?#How am I supposed to take the hate and anger she exhibit and put out there in that unhappy home#and turn the hate and anger her and her family felt towards me for not loving her#and turn that into love? How am I supposed to turn unending anger and hatred and bitterness and just be like âyeah i love youâ#I love my parents in the sense that I am familiar w/ them and they have had a constant presence in my life up this point and when I was like#8y/o I had some pretty good times w/ my dad that were DIRECTLY related to my mom being out of the house#my mom was just so abusive to that man for 20+ years#and he took the love I had for him and made me hate him by just shoving jesus down my throat#We used to have CONVERSATIONS he & I but then he got his head stuck so far up his ass that he couldnât see#how he was just ruining everything. Me: Hey so this thing thats goin on?#him: haha yeah that thing thats been goin on!! You know what tho#[starts pitching JC to me again]#that was all I could get from him from 12-18/19#he killed whatever relationship we had together and now itâs a decade later and I have no interest in talking to him#I donât care to try and rebuild. I donât want to rebuild anything with him I donât want him to want that either
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i know itâs been weeks since I watched fury but genuinely what the fuck was up with fury. Iâm still baffled by it.
#all things considered given how that era of trek had written off female characters in the past she had a pretty decent sendoff#it was at least built up to and they didnât kill her in a stupid abrupt way#I was gonna say itâs like if they did yesterdayâs enterprise first and then backtracked on it and then I remembered the sela plotline#so tag cancelled. Iâd blocked that one out oops.#but yeah just baffling characterization plot that felt out of place and kind of just pointlessâŚ.why did we do that#voy liveblog#very very late
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#tbh I hate that I like this guy#a week ago he changed my life by kissing me and Iâve never been more confused#itâs driving me nuts#everything was fine and now Iâm a mess#i mean itâs really pointless liking him bc heâs not single lmao#and he literally lives hundreds of miles away#but there was some sort of connection and Iâve never felt anything like it before???????#it was like weâve known each other forever and we could talk about anything#AND HE KEPT LAUGHING AND MY STUPID JOKED WHICH WERE ***NOT*** FUNNY#and I canât message him anywhere bc I donât have his number and this idiot managed to get locked out of his instagram account#so I will have to wait until he gets that back lmao if ever#i hate it here#why do i even fucking bother#this isnât going anywhere#Iâm sad#rant over#personal
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it's weird how i've struggled to have any kind of spirituality (it doesn't click in my brain, there's the teeny bit of that Autism Asshole Logic that prevents it); but i AM superstitious. idk if they're the same or not
but sure as fuck, anytime oatmeal is for breakfast at work, a kid vomits. y'can't say that there hasn't been a blood bleach call in a while or you'll get several in a row. you can't comment on how we haven't had to clean a rug either
#its white noise#to specify the spirituality thing; for a while in hs i did tarot readings for fun#but i always felt like a conman doing it yk?#like. reading the interpretations and chattering enough with the person getting the reading; you can make any tarot lineup mean anything#within reason ofc. it just doesn't seem like a higher power or anything. just connecting the dots#also by Autism Asshole Logic i mean the kinda shit that you'd see in. ugh. big bang theory or whatever#the idea that the world runs only on logic so religion is Pointless and Stupid#i dont believe that at all. do what makes you happy and gives you comfort yk?#but being raised by my mom who is Definitely one of those Strict Logic Autistics means it kinda rubbed off on me#there's no real proof of a higher power so.. what's the point? yk?
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Can this old man hurry up and drop dead
#i cant even go in my own stupid kitchen bc hes down there#im so hungry#which probably isn't helping the pms depression#everything sucks today#it was raining all day and gross and cold and i feel so alone and all my friends are busy or two hours away or in other countries#and yea my mom and brother r here but we all just lock ourselves in our little spaces to avoid the old man so i feel like i dont actually#see them at all and my dad is at work and i just wanna go back to college and be with my friends and everything has felt kinda pointless#and hopeless today and i dont normally feel like this at all but lately my period has been kicking my ass out of nowhere and it makes me#feel like im not in control of my body or my mind and that scares me more than anything cuz it makes me think im turning into my mom#and im in love with my friend because god forbid i keep it together for an extended period of time and i think about them all the time and#its not making me feel any less lonely cuz i just wanna be back at college uuuuuuuuuuuuu#what am i gonna do over winter break????#she speaks!
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i think iâm gonna read magilumiere and acro trip, both of them seem very silly and fun but sincerely love magical girls, which i can always appreciate
#that was my biggest problem i had w the 2010's dark magical girls trend#and is one of the few things i'll praise madoka for - it does like being a magical girl series#sure madoka is dark (and is just kamen rider ryuki with gaim's ending)#but it WANTS to be a magical girl show#every other madoka coat tail rider kinda. resented having to be a magical girl show#even when it was to be a 'dark' show. it felt like they HATED being a magical girl story#so they just poured on the edge and hoped you didn't notice#and i'll admit i don't like most dark mg stuff bc of the dark but the darkness always felt. pointless.#again madoka may be cribbing ryuki but at least they were smart enough to crib the idea that the darkness needs a PURPOSE too#you can't just throw a ton of bad shit at the characters and sneer at their frills#and then say the viewers are stupid bc they don't understand it's supposed to be a tragedy#i did understand that. you just did a bad job at it.#⌠the point is that i'm glad thing are swinging in a more fun direction#that even if it were to get dark will at least be proud to be A Magical Girl Story#and not be full of dull edged razors with lace hastily thrown on the pit#the Mage rambles
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