#and hopeless today and i dont normally feel like this at all but lately my period has been kicking my ass out of nowhere and it makes me | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

whumpitisthen · 2 years ago

Note

If you ever feel so fancy as to do a part 2 or similar drabble to instincts i will be available to tattoo it on the entire landscape of my back and/or worship it throughly 👀🙏🙏

i dont usually write second parts, but i do also like that one a lot, and you asked very politely......

first part

Lonely...

"Wh-Why do you do this?"

He's been sitting there for a solid ten minutes in complete silence, enduring the maddening, constant scrutiny glaring from his left side. The tea he has prepared is swiftly growing lukewarm, no longer steaming languidly on the coffee table. He hadn't dared to move an inch once it perched next to him, weighing heavily on his mind and on the sofa cushions as its presence grew and materialised so close, so dangerous.

He hoped it would leave him alone today. It hadn't visited for a few days, — not in a physical way, only as an ever unnerving pressure on his body that wouldn't go away. Yet, that hadn't stopped the nightmares worming their way into his brain each time he tried resting while it was around. He is tired, and weary, and weak. That is why he planned on a serene little movie night spent in front of the mind numbing screen, on his own; to hopefully distract him, or even put him in a mercifully dreamless sleep. He desperately wished it would leave him just a little longer.

However, it seems it knew just the worst time to 'come see him' — as it so likes to put it. More like break into his home, harass him, question him and then torture him, only to leave him in a state barely sufficient to let him patch himself up for next time. Or stay and do it itself, making the healing stage into another opportunity to learn about humans as it messily fixes him up like one would a machine.

'Why? Why do you feel the need to do these things to me?'

He can feel it blink at him, can see its head tilt to the side, and can almost hear the phrase come before it murmurs, — "I do not understand."

Of course it doesn’t, this is perfectly normal for it. Nothing out of the ordinary.

“Nevermind,” — he tries, already knowing that it’s too late.

As expected, it growls impatiently, yet somehow, he can’t find it in himself to do more than squeeze his eyes shut and sigh, instead of flinching and curling into himself.

“I do not like when you don’t answer me. What do I do that awakens your curiosity?”

That’s one way to put it. Curiosity.

“You just, just stare at me all the time. I know you do, eve-, even when you’re not, when I can’t see you.”

“I am here to learn from you. That’s all I ever want,” — it replies matter-of-factly.

“Don’t you have anything better to do?” — he murmurs, voice full of a hopelessness that only a severe lack of sleep and a terrifyingly inescapable situation can bring.

“I do not. There is nothing better for me to do. I enjoy this the most,” — it exclaims happily, unaware of the offending tone he used. Sometimes, it’s fortunate that it doesn’t get how parts of the human speech works, such as sarcasm, or expressions.

He doesn’t say anything, and that confuses it. He simply stares at the moving pictures on the television blankly. It feels his nerves lit on fire, yet it's a much fainter feeling, and his reactions are wholly uninteresting. In turn, that almost makes them more interesting to the creature. It wants to know what’s wrong with the human today.

“You are boring. Why are you boring,” — it asks, though the sentence ends in more of a period than a question mark. It’s quite funny, the way it asks things sometimes. He smiles to himself, knowing full well delirium must be hitting him hard for him to find the courage to smile in the presence of this monstrosity, fully capable of tearing him in half in a split second if he doesn’t supply it with entertainment and learning opportunities. It would find joy in it as well.

“Why am I boring?” — he asks, holding back a giggle. He still doesn’t look at it. He would quickly lose his humour if he did.

“Yes.”

“What do you mean? Why am I boring?”

It falls quiet for a moment, glancing at the TV again.

“You do not care that I am here.”

He knows he should not, but his mind only finds the situation more hilarious with every word.

“What, are you, y-you getting lonely now? Should I grab a blanket and cuddle close, so you feel loved?” — he chortles.

It finds his tone unnatural. It doesn’t understand it, but it makes it feel wrong. Small. It feels small.

“Am I lonely? Explain, please.”

He only taught it pleasantries like please and thank you some number of weeks ago — it still feels entirely unnatural to hear it say the word he has said to it so many times before, to no avail. It says it like it couldn’t just pull an answer out of him with no issue. It has learned to be more patient, at least.

“Do you not know what loneliness is?”

“I asked you so. Why do you sound like that? You sound wrong,” — it remarks, certainly perplexed by his relatively calm demeanour. It is so used to watching him panicking and stuttering up a storm, flinching at every little movement, that hearing any amount of confidence or joy, and feeling any amount of serenity emanating off of him is throwing it off. It must feel very wrong to be looked at with anything more than wild fear to it.

“Don’t worry about it. Anyway, loneliness is like… It has to do with being alone, obviously.”

“It’s not very obvious to me,” — it grumbles.

“Yeah, I know, I know. I-It’s… kind of hard to explain, honestly. Um… It’s when you feel sad, when you are alone. Like when you’re on your own and there’s no-one to talk to. It’s depressing. So most people find someone else to, to help with that feeling, so they are no longer alone. That’s loneliness.”

“Hm…” — It thinks for a while. He can see it struggling with the concept, already trying to think of another way to explain before it asks. What it says next surprises him however, — “being alone doesn’t feel bad. I am always alone. You said when something feels bad it is because whatever is happening should not be happening. It’s not unnatural, therefore it isn’t bad.”

His smile disappears. Of course. Humans are social creatures, surviving by building relationships and helping each other out. It isn’t a human. He doesn’t know how it feels about being around another one of its kind. Is there another one of it? He doesn’t dare think about that.

“W-Well… It’s a human thing, I guess. We survived so long, and got to um, where we are by being there for each other, but I g-guess you don’t need that, do you?”

“I have noticed there are many humans near each other. It is rare to find one all alone. I assumed it was like how it is with ants or bees. Is that not right?” — it wonders.

“Not really. It’s more, um… familial? Like a pack of wolves or something. I don’t think bees take care of each other, only their queen and larvae.”

“I see. So what does it feel like? Being lonely?”

He bites back a yawn, swallowing it down. He reaches for the popcorn on the coffee table, deciding he might as well snack before it ultimately decides to hurt him at some point tonight. He hasn’t found the motivation to eat much all day.

What does loneliness feel like? How is he supposed to explain that to a thing that might not even have another one of its kind?

“Uhm… It’s a bad feeling. For us, at least. You feel like… You need to be around someone. Depending on how bad it is, you, uh, might even feel the need to be around strangers. It feels like you are going mad. Like, uhm… I don’t know, like crushing? Hopeless? This one’s… hard to explain,” — he finished, throwing some more popcorn into his mouth. He is watching the movie on the screen, but his brain is not picking up on anything that’s going on around him besides the creature next to him.

“Hm…”

It doesn’t say anything for a long time. So long, in fact, that he would almost forget about it entirely if it didn't shuffle closer to him, watching him intently for a reaction. Even through the thick haze of fog engulfing his brain, he tenses and shuffles away on instinct.

"You are not lonely," — it decides. It doesn't understand still what loneliness is; otherwise it would know that he is lonely enough to crave human interaction of absolutely any kind, enough that he sometimes dreams that the creature that follows him around wherever he goes isn't such a horrid being, that he managed to teach it how to be human and no longer hurt him and to care for him like another person would. He hallucinates, sometimes, because he's just that lonely. Or maybe it's just the sleep deprivation. Both.

"Why do you think that?" — he inquires, half-caring about the answer.

"Because I accompany you. You are never truly alone. You do not crave my touch. You are not lonely."

"And you are not a person. Why would I care about any of that?" — he snaps suddenly.

It goes silent again, and his very soul is trembling. He knows he messed up, he shouldn't have said that, even it isn't dense enough to miss a direct insult. The glare coming from the side is burning him, and he subconsciously apologises in his mind, almost certain it can hear it. He's so tired, he just wants to pass out already.

When it finally chirps up again, he fully expects a claw to tear at his face, — "I am not a human. But I am a person still." — He only now realises that it isn't looking at him anymore. It's an awfully unusual feeling, to feel its presence but not its gaze, — "is that not right? Can I not be a person if I am not a human?"

Now it's his turn to think. He never thought about it like that. When he says person, he immediately thinks of a human, but if that's how it is — does that mean that another intelligent alien race, for example, would not be considered people? A member of them wouldn't be a person? That doesn't sound right.

Why is he thinking about this like he's afraid to hurt this monster? Why did it sound like it was hurt by his words? It didn't, he just has empathy and assumed he had hurt it. Like a person. Or a human would, at least. Then again, there are shitty humans out there too.

"I'm… sorry," — he says, unsure how to answer in a way as to not dig himself into a deeper hole, — "I just never thought of anyone to be a person if they aren't, um, human. But you're not like, an a-animal or something, are you? So you are still a person. I think."

"What does being a person mean to humans? I thought being a person meant having higher intelligence than animals, but that doesn't seem to be true. You are not answering me straight," — it accuses him curiously. Its gaze is back on him, watching him again. Its voice is a little deeper, and he assumes it's because he has angered him. He wishes it would just get it over with and attack already.

"I-It-, I'm n-not sure! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you, i-it was an honest mistake — I just never really thought about you that way…"

"If you do not see me as a person, then what do you see me as? Am I really an animal to you?" — it questions relentlessly, leering down at him with an intensity that feels like a physical weight is crushing his body into the sofa, curling into itself, — "you see me as a critter."

"No, no, no I don't! I-I just don't know what you are! You're not a human, nor an animal, but I have no idea what to f-, call you! Pl-ease, I swear I d-didn't mean it!" — he clambers to apologise, already gathering tears behind eyes squeezed shut, lifting his arms to shield his head from claws flying through the air. To his surprise — and relief — none comes.

“...Am I lonely?” — it asks itself, all animosity gone from its voice, — “I do not know. I have always been alone.”

When nothing else is said for long enough, he uncurls his arms from over him and finally summons the courage to look at the creature next to him. It is once again deep in thought, trying to figure out if it feels lonely or not. No matter how many times he is forced to gaze upon it, his skin crawls all the same. An inky blackness of eyes and claws, long thin limbs appearing and disappearing at its will. Sometimes it has long, dripping hair, other times horns or antlers. He can only guess it changes its form depending on its mood that day. It barely looks humanoid, some demon of hell — he had to learn how to sense its emotions through its rough cover of shadows himself through trial and error, and still he has trouble understanding it fully. He doesn’t get a chance, most times, as he is the one being questioned, or tormented. This time is different. Unusual.

He releases a shaky exhale and swallows, feeling his tired heart beat an almost painful rhythm against his chest. It’s dizzying, to be so stressed when his brain is barely functioning from lack of sleep. He finds it hard to sit, and leans to the side instead, catching himself on the arm of the couch. Though curious, even if he dared to say anything more to it, he is having trouble getting his thoughts in order long enough for his brain to sew together a sentence.

“If I was lonely, that would mean I would want to be around other people. Interact with them. I interact with you a lot. Maybe I am lonely.” — It goes quiet periodically, trying to decide for itself, but it doesn’t seem very successful at doing so. — “I don’t understand,” — it comes to say finally, turning to him again for more answers. It seems unbothered by his state.

“Uh-uhm… Mm… Maybe I said it wrong. I don’t think it’s um, only your own kind you want to be around. Wh-When you’re lonely, I mean. Sometimes, when I’m lonely, it helps to just hang out with some of the, uh, stray cats that w-wander up to my windows, sometimes. I, I um, like petting them. And their purring. They’re very nice to, to me…” — he mumbles, hoping that no more questions come, as he is having more and more trouble resisting the ever gentler pull of unconsciousness.

"You crave affection from animals?" — it coos at him, almost mocking, but not for long, suddenly growing silent again. It makes a groan, a sound akin to some kind of wild raccoon, and he has no idea what it means — yet, upon looking at it, it's clear it is growing restless. — "...Affection from less intelligent beings. Helps with loneliness. Am I lonely? Am I lonely?" — It repeats the question for the hundredth time, asking itself more so than him by now. It seems frustrated. The clawed ends of its slender fingers flex around a pillow. On one hand, he finds it humorous, the act reminding him of kitties making biscuits — on the other, he is so relieved those sharp things aren't digging into his abdomen yet.

"If you have to, t-to think about it this long, you probably are. You just, d-don't wanna ad-admit to it," — comes his wavering voice, supplying it with more confusion. It retaliates by placing one of its hands around his closest ankle, sending a harsh shiver all the way up to the nape of his neck. The way it closes those frigid digits around his leg wakes him right back up — a familiar feeling, to be woken up so ruthlessly by it. It tilts its head at him again, clearly bothered by his accusations.

"How could I admit to something I don't understand? That sounds moronic. You are stupid," — it growls triumphantly, reminding him of his sister. So quick to anger, and just as stubborn. Except he isn't quite as afraid of his little baby sister as he is of this cosmic horror gripping at him with its ice cold sharpened appendages. The horror that is probably trying to grin, and instead only succeeds at showing off all of its terrifying sets of teeth in a horrid snarl. He had not realised until this moment that it has a mouth on its torso, cleaving it in half as it opens. He has acquired a new fear.

His mind is overrun with images of the thing pulling him towards its horrifying torso-mouth by the ankle in its grasp, chewing him up bit by bit as it keeps pulling him deeper and deeper into its disgusting, black, tar body, mauling him completely. If he managed to survive the mutilation, the rest of him would be tossed into a vat of acid that is its stomach, digested agonisingly slowly. His wide, purple-black, terrified eyes are stuck on it, and it notices his staring, unfortunately, before he could.

"Wh-, y… yes, y-y-you're right. Maybe I am. Please stop touching me now."

He can't help noticing its eyes crinkle in amusement, thoroughly enjoying bullying him into submission as it always does, — "You were being very brave today, all the way up until now. What's wrong?" — Its grip tightens, those blades it has the gall to call 'nails' already making paper cuts all along his exposed skin. One finger — a thumb, if it has any — is caressing the length of flesh slowly, back and forth, distressing him greatly. Its eyes glow unnaturally, glinting in the dark, and it hurts, it physically hurts his body to be so scared right now. His heart beats much too fast all too sudden, his breaths come quicker than he feels capable of, his skin crawls with the cold sweat covering the entirety of his back pressed against the armrest of the sofa. It watches him tense in its clutches with utmost glee, considering pulling him a little closer by the little red lines it already caused, just to hear him whimper at the burning pain. — "Don't tell me you've lost all conviction already?"

He barely remembers to reply, utterly lost in those intense eyes and rows upon rows of teeth grinning at him, — "Ih-, it was just, a joke! I wasn't being serious — p-please let go of me, I can't — "

"I am only joking too. Why are you so upset?" — It's laughing at him, it's mocking him, but he doesn't have the brainpower to even try pulling away, too wound up in his fear.

"I get it, I get it, just please, please just let go, I don't want to, I c-can't, I can't…"

It is so proud of itself, but he can't even be mad at it. All he notices is a glint in its eyes, a horrible sign he has learned to fear as much as the arrival of the abomination itself — it has got an idea.

It giggles to itself, and that sound feels like a promise of pain, — "I would let go, but, you see…" — It is leaning down over him once more, but it doesn't stop there. It comes closer and closer, grabbing hold of the back of the couch and another leg for balance, climbing on top of him, and his brain finally activates, much too late, to force him to struggle away. He can't anymore, not that it would have helped. — "I am just so lonely. So very lonely I am. I need interaction with other beings! I need to be very, very close to another person so I can feel their warmth. I need to touch them and keep them close. I need it, you see. I am very lonely."

"Ah-, wait n-, no, stop!"

Something is dripping onto him. Saliva, blood, who knows what it is.

"I'm so lonely…" — it muses, forcing his head back so it can bury its head under his chin.

It is breathing on him. He can feel its ice cold exhales right on his neck.

"Get off of me!" — he yells out in desperation, no longer caring to please it — he is positive he will scream if it starts nibbling on him.

"Huuu-mannn..." — it drawls lazily, draping itself over him. He can feel at least three pairs of limbs enveloping him and it's suffocating.

"God, just, just stop it already, please! I-I said I'm sorry," — his own voice quivers, suspiciously close to crying. He's certain it can feel him shivering.

"Mmm… No." — Its voice is reverberating through his entire chest. He gasps when a finger slides over a fresh enough bruise from their last meeting, the expulsion of air forming into a rather pathetic sound as he tries to choke it down.

He squirms under it, gasping for air, until he finally stops, grasping how truly futile it is to fight it. He lets out a defeated keen of misery, and sobs. He cries under it, no longer having the energy to care about what it thinks of him. Whether it finds him pathetic or amusing, whether it mocks him or hurts him. He wants to be anywhere but here.

It says nothing, for a while. It doesn't move, however. It must just be listening to him weeping, enjoying it as much as it was enjoying mocking him, just like it was enjoying going through with its devilish plan to get him to this point. That's all it ever wants; to watch him upset and hurt.

When it talks, it is so sudden he jumps in surprise, — "You are the lonely one here, truly. Unable to handle even this much affection."

He doesn't find it in himself to answer. He wishes it wasn't so good at hitting where it hurts. It snorts out something of a chuckle.

"If you ask me sweetly enough, I will consider purring for you. Like your stray cats."

No answer, not even a small sound of disdain aimed at it. It tries again.

"Would you like that?"

Nothing. Only calm breaths, long and peaceful.

It lifts its head to look at him, confused by the sudden change, and finds him passed out like a light. It hadn't known he was so tired. Maybe another effect of loneliness? It is unsure.

It hums in thought, watching him sleep like it always does. It's interesting to it; the concept of sleep. It loves the way its human looks while he is unconscious — it rarely sees him so content. It tried to sleep a couple times, but it doesn't think it succeeded.

"Lonely little human…. My lonely little human…" — it hums.

A haunting melody. Its voice sounds so unnatural and guttural, like a broken radio playing a broken record. It doesn't fully understand music yet either, so all it does is repeat the same tune and the same words. To it, it's comforting, while the human described it as a horror movie soundtrack. It doesn't matter to it; it likes humming.

"I like your company," — it murmurs, — "perhaps I am lonely too…"

It isn't sure, but what it is sure about, is that it likes comforting its human an awful lot. It doesn't think it comforted anyone before. It isn't even sure it's doing it right.

It feels right, at least, it thinks before clicking off the TV with a rush of static, and the darkness.

< Masterlist

#whump #my writing #creepy whumper #intimate whumper #fear #nonhuman whumper #sadistic whumper #cuts #dehumanisation #dehumanizing language #suffocation #mentioned eating of whumpee #mentioned gore #it took a while i know #in my defense i was releasing a book #ask #sordayciega

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ventiffy · 2 years ago

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𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒶𝓁𝓁𝒾𝒶𝓃𝒸𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓃𝒹𝓈 𝓊𝓈 𝓉𝑜𝑔𝑒𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇 ♡ PT.5

As promised ,here is pt.5 of my dottore fic-

Today was the day where you were supposed to meet Zandik in his lab. You made sure to get the destination right while yet, you hoped that your discovery from yesterday wouldn't make you become weird when you see him. You just thought that yesterday you were being delusional and that Zandik is innocent.

After a while, you were at the entrance of the building that was your destination...

Everything was in ruins

Absoluetly

Everything

The walls were all collapsed and everything was dusty. Vines were all over the place and so were bugs. You tried texting Zandik , but no answer. You waited outside of the building, hoping that this was just where you two were supposed to meet and then when he comes the both of you will go to the lab but..

He told you that this was the laboratory.

You stood there hopeless trying to figure out what went wrong. After a few minutes, you left.

You went home and forgot about why you were going there in the first place. After a while you hear a ding! coming from your phone.

Mey: Me and Lindsley want to go to the new restaurant down the street and I figured that it'd be a great idea to ask you if you want to join us? (I know that you're busy with your studies and blah blah blah but it's my treat ;) -

. . .

You: Yeah sure, when do we all meet up?

Mey: I don't know in about an hour? I miss my pookie ;w;

You: alright! I'll see you soon

Mey: byee! <33

Mey was right. You didn't see your friends for a long time. You decided to forget about the lab thingy and get ready to go to this "new restaurant".

You decided not to change the clothes you wore to go to the lab because they looked pretty casual. You made sure everything you needed was in your jacket s' pockets and you decided to browse the media for about 30 minutes before heading out of your home.

While walking down the street, you couldn't help but realize how windy it was. The wind blowing violently was a normality in Snezhnaya, but today.. it somehow ticked you off even though it was supposedly normal.

"Y/NNNNN!!"

you raised your head to get a proper look at what was shouting your name and you were surprised to see Mey running towards you at full speed ready to jump and tackle you (because that was her way of giving hugs)

You waived to her and she did her usual weird hug. Luckily, she wasn't heavy enough to make the both of you fall in the snow.

As her head was placed at the crook of your neck, behind her you noticed Lindsley behind her reading, what appeared to be a small book, while yet not even noticing that you arrived.

After Mey stopped hugging you, she took you by the wrist and dragged you inside while yet, gesturing Lindsley to follow after the both of you. You friend dragged you all to way to your table where there was 4 chairs.

You were first to sit down, then Mey and then Lindsley who followed right after.

Suddenly, Lindsley said: "soo, when is Aren coming?"

Mey replied: "ohhh, he should be here soon, dont worryyy!"

. . . . .

pure silence followed right after that interaction until Mey said:

"You seem sad, what's wrong, pookie?"

You noticed she was talking to you and that's when you realized that for the past minute you've been worrying about that one guy who you only knew for what? A couple months?

"I don't know.. there's just this person.. who's been on my mind lately.."

"Does my pookie have a crush?!"

"It's not that!!! They helped me a lot with my studies, they even graduated from the akademiya.. well I think.. and now.. they're just gone.. we were supposed to see each other today, but they didn't show up.. now they're leaving me on read.."

... silence.... again

Lindsley then said: "they are possibly one of those fools that play with people like you s' hearts. They brag or show off they intelligence until you feel admired by them and then whoosh. they disappear.. they do that for validation because people like them don't get any from of.. validation..? Does that make any sense..?"

"no-" said Mey.

"I'm trying" said Lindsley

... silence... pure silence..

"AREN!!"

"..hi.."

"FINALLY YOU SHOWED UPPP"

"Sorry I had to deal with some business.."

"hmm?"

"It's private."

"awh.."

As Mey and this so called "Aren" chatted, you and Lindsley looked at each other before she said:

"If there's someone whose bothering you, you can always tell me.. I wasn't known as the "wrestler" in high school for nothing, you know"

"Thanks, Lindsley."

"It's no big deal, y/n"

Your conversation ended right after Mey shouted: "Everyone!! This is Aren, my best best BEST friend!!!"

"Didn't you two meet 2 weeks ago, how are y'all already "best friends"? " , said Lindsley.

You then said, "I guess that's how friendships work with her, one day you two barely know each other, the next day, you know her biggest secrets."

Mey interrupted with: "ANYWAY, because he's my friend, he's also everyone here s' friend"

"Why?" said Lindsley.

"BECAUSE I SAID SO"

Although Aren had a muscular and tall figure, he still remained somewhat shy, he never really spoke, but when he did, you could barely hear him. He seemed almost stressed.

For the rest of the night, you guys ate and chatted together until the restaurant closed. It's only at 10:30 Pm that all of you had to say goodbye.

Before leaving, Aren asked you if he could get your number, he said that it'd be nice to get to know his new friend group just a bit more. So of course he gave you his phone and you typed in your phone number onto his contact list and then you properly said goodbye to him. You waved goodbye to everyone, technically saying goodbye for a second time and left to go home.

You were walking all by yourself at night, Aren left with Mey because apparently the two were having a sleep over and Lindsley went her own ways.

. . . . . . . . . .

Maybe this would've been a good rest of afternoon if.. you didn't feel like as if you were being watched for the rest of the night.

MAN I LOVE WHERE THIS IS GOING! LEAVING YALL WITH A CLIFFHANGER JUST SO THAT THE NEXT PART IS NOTHING ELSE BUT ACTIONNNNN

if yall dont trust me enough with my writing motivation (referring to me not writing for 4 months) you can ask in reply to be in the taglist-

#dottore #genshin impact #il dottore #genshin #fatui dottore #genshin zandik

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blueempty · 11 months ago

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I forgore for two days ahaaa

I've been so late to work the past two days I forgot to look up at da sky on the way. My mind has been in a fog for like a month now but like I've been truckin. I've been worse before. But after I ranted to my mom yesterday about how hopeless civilization is, today she game me my birthday OLED Switch 21 days early because her and my brother noticed that i was "not doing well" and "seemed like I might not make it another day". Which is nice of them to notice but I guess I've been radiating that feeling more than normal even though I'm like, mostly fine. I dont feel any crazier than normal but who know

I have been feeling kinda like I'm in a time loop cuz I keep having the same conversations about shit with the same people constantly. I need to reach out and aquire more friends. Not to replace the ones I have now but ya know. Its hard to keep up with people but I gotta try a little more

But all my switch stuff is transferred and my games are downloading. Im really excited to see what Metroid Prime looks like on this thang cuz my brother has an OLED but didnt get Metroid so I couldnt look at it before. This is gonna be my excuse to load up a bunch of things i havent played in a while like Bomb Rush and Merroid Dread. It was good timing too cuz me and my partner have been playing monster hunter GU and she can get through two load walls before I clear one, so Ive been in need of a newer device lol

Peace and Long Life

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felilly · 3 years ago

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the mark(s).

pairing: leeknow x reader | best friend to lovers au, childhoodfriend!leeknow, neighbor!leeknow, nerd!leeknow

word count: 2.488 words

tw: nsfw content — humiliation, marking, thigh riding, pet names, breast playing, vaginal sex, unprotected sex (pls play safe dont do it), a lot of praising.

note: english is not my first language, this story might have some grammar errors.

"Argh I can't do it anymore!" you slam your head to the table and throw away the pen you held before. It's been 2 hours since you asked Minho to jump to your room from his window bedroom because you just remembered you have a quiz tomorrow. You're suck at math, hopeless even. So you decided to wake your childhood friend who is also your neighbor Minho to come teach you math.

Ruffling his hair, Minho threw his head to the sofa "I should be the one saying that! It's been 2 hours and you can't even solve 5 questions with the same formula. What the heck y/n!" Minho takes off his glasses, massages his knitted brows while you lay your head on the table with your hair covering your face.

"But it's so boring and you can't expect me to remember the whole formulas when I have no fun trying to learn it" You finally lift your head and now place it on the sofa. Minho is sitting on the sofa while you're on the floor, so your head is now positioned beside his thigh. You turn your head towards his direction and stare at his exposed thigh. It still surprises you whenever you see his thigh, because how can your nerd childhood friend have this thick and toned sexy thigh when all he does is study in his bedroom every night?

"So you're blaming me because my teaching method is boring?" Minho asked, surprising you from your thoughts and making you lift your head to meet his eyes.

"Yes"

"And you're saying you can learn easily if you have fun?"

"Correct"

"Then let's have some fun."

He straightens his back and pulls you into his lap from the back, resting his hands on your hips. "Minho what the fuck? P-put me down!" You squirm trying to get back to your spot before, but Minho's grip on your waist is too strong. He pulls you closer, making your back fall on his chest, then puts his lips close to your ear and whispers "I'm gonna give you a point for each correct answer and you can exchange every 10 marks for a special prize." Then proceed to nip your ear gently. You whine and suddenly feel weak as you questioned "a-and if I got it wrong.. W-what will you do?" You whimper as his one hand slowly travels from your hip to your inner thigh.

"If you got it wrong.." Minho gives it a gentle squeeze then suddenly, he slaps your ass with another hand harshly. You let out a surprised moan, almost screaming, but immediately put your hands together on your mouth to muffle your voice. "I will give you punishment for each wrong answer" You swear you could feel him smirking from his tone when he's answering you, and ofcourse you have to curse him inside your head for that.

"Now, now, kitten. How could you answer those questions without holding your pen?" Minho gently removes both your hands from your mouth and gives you the pen you threw earlier. "Oh and I hope you can lower your voice. Don't forget your parents are sleeping downstairs" He tells you while pushing your upper body towards the coffee table gently where your books and notes are scattered.

Here you are now, sitting on Minho's lap with your upper body on the coffee table not so far while doing some math problems, trying to get the correct answer. Not so comfortable.

You couldn't get the first three questions correct, so Minho makes you arch your back a little to make your ass lift up a bit and smack it three times. You feel aroused by the pain on your ass and the way he made you arch your back, making your clit rub against his bare thigh, but you try your best to concentrate and finish this humiliating study session asap.

After eight more slaps on your ass and another 55 minutes, you finally solved 10 math problems correctly. Your panties are drenched, your forehead is sweating, now you lay down your head and upper body helpless on the table. The sight Minho sees of you sitting on his laps with noticeable wet panties, messy hair, and sweat making his dick hardening. He smirks and then slowly lifts your upper body back on his chest.

"Good girl, you did very amazing y/n. I hope you remember everything I taught and do well tomorrow" Minho says gently while patting your head and parting the sticking hair on your forehead, tucking it behind your ear. "Now for your reward.." He slips down your spaghetti strap tank top, moves your hair into one side and you can feel his lips touching your skin.

"10 points for 10 correct answers."

Suddenly, Minho slammed his lips on your right neck and sucked it hard. You screamed because of the sudden contact and quickly put your hands on your mouth again to stop your own voice. Your scream slowly becomes a whimper, then a moan as Minho's hands travel your body everywhere and pull your top down to your stomach, exposing your bare chest.

Suddenly you hear a knock on your door.

"Y/n is everything okay?" Both you and Minho freeze when you hear your mother's voice calling you from the other side of the door. "I heard you scream. Did something happen?" You are slightly panicking because you don't want your mother to open the door only to see her daughter sitting on her childhood friend's lap with naked top.

Minho takes a look at your face and smirks "Go on, answer your mother before she comes in." He whispers in your ears

"Because I won't stop." He attacks your shoulder with another bite and sucks it. You hold another muffled moan and try to collect your voice "Y-yeah I'm okay. Just.. a-ah a little bit frustrated from studying!" You lied, trying your best to sound as normal as possible while Minho's hand kneading your left breast.

"Okay don't stay up too late." You heard your mom reply and walked away from your room.

Just when you're about to let out a sigh of relief, Minho abruptly pinches your nipple and gives you the third mark under your jaw. You gasp and unconsciously rock your hips against his thigh, making him clenches his thigh and help you rocking your hips. "Fuck.. Kitten you're drenching all over my thigh.." Minho growls, as a wet spot of your slick makes his thigh soaked. You moan as you feel your clit is satisfied by the contact with his thick thigh.

"Mi-Minho.. Ah- shit… Minho-" You whimper when he places the 4th mark on the back of your neck, paints it purple while kneading your breast and moving your hips with the other hand. "Shush.. Be a good girl and wait patiently for your prize. I haven't finished putting the remaining mark on you" Minho whispers as he slips his hands off your breast to your other hip. Your mind is clouded. All you could do now is only nod and moan louder as he picks up pace a bit more.

Your muffled moan and soaked pussy turn him on even more. He pulls your body even closer to his and leaves two more marks on your back. You could feel his boner on your ass and you automatically grind on that. "F-fuck" Minho hiss at the sensation. He flipped your body so now you are sitting on his lap facing him. He lost it when he see your erotic expression breathing hard, covering in sweat, with hickeys all over your neck. Without warning, he uses one hand to grab your ass harshly, pulling you closer and connecting his lips to yours. His kiss is like heaven, you feel like your head is light when he sucks on your lower lips and inserts his tongue to explore your mouth. His tongue teases yours before swirling it together and pushes inside your mouth even deeper.

You pull apart when you're out of breath, creating a saliva string between you two. But Minho didn't give you time to process and immediately put his lips on your collarbone to leave the 7th mark. He trailed a kiss from your collarbone to your nipple and sucked it like a baby. You throw your head back because of the sensation and run your fingers on his soft locks. Minho sucks the skin on each of your side boobs and leaves 2 other marks then back to swirl his tongue on your other nipple. With his mouth sucking your niple, one hand groping your ass and the other kneading your breast, you feel overwhelmed and grip his hair even tighter.

"M-Minho.. Please..!" You whine with teary eyes and grind your clit on his hard on. He growls when your pussy grinds his boner and your pretty voice begging for him. He puts his last mark on your throat, sucking it harshly. His mouth and hands slip off you and push you away to take a better look at your body.

You have purple marks all over your body. He places it on your neck, throat, shoulders, back, under your jaw, collarbone, and breast. It's everywhere. He admires you like you're one of his canvas filled with his artwork. He pulls you back closer to his body, his erection brushed against your clothed pussy as he kissed you again. His hands squeezed your ass, earning a whimper from you. He barely gave you a chance to breathe.

He carries you to your bed with lips still connecting to yours then puts you gently on the bed, his body hovering over you. "My pretty kitten has been a really good girl.. I think it's time to reward her now, right?" Minho whispers sensually next to your ear, his one hand dangerously close to your throbbing pussy. You nod and moan louder when he slides a finger to draw a line on your wet slick. "Yes… F-ahh.. fuckㅡ Yes Minho p-please.." You moan, lingering your hands around his neck to pull him closer.

"Tell me what you want princess and that will be your prize for being such a good girl today." Minho praises you while traveling a kiss from your ear to your neck.

"Y-you.. I want you Minho" you whine softly, pressing his head on your neck to feel him harder.

Minho chuckled darkly "But dont you already have me here? Tell me what you want me to do." He rolled his tongue on your nipple making you arch your back.

"I.. Ahㅡ I want you to f-fuck me! P-please.. Bury your dick deep inside me and make me feel good..!" You moan and look at him with teary eyes full of lust. At that moment, something inside him snapped.

His hands pulled your pajama shorts and panties in one move, he threw the fabric carelessly, revealing your wet glistening pussy. Minho groans at the sight, he then runs a hand on your thigh while sucking on your thigh skin. He peels off his t-shirt and shorts, throws it somewhere in your room, revealing his toned body and his hard on dick leaked with precum and angry red tip. Your face turns red when you see what he's been hiding all this time behind his nerdy look. He can't help but chuckle at your cute expression. He positioned himself back to you. His chest pressed against yours as he pushed you down on the mattress.

Minho gave you a peck on your lips before positioning his dick on your entrance. "You ready?" he asked. You put your arms back around his neck again and nod, whimpering a small yes. He slowly enters your throbbing pussy as you clench at his size, earning a growl from him. "Y/n.. S-stop clenching- fuck.." Minho tries to push even deeper, searching for your deepest part. "S-shit sorry.. I ahㅡ I can't, y-you're too.. big…" You can't help but dig your nails on his back, leaving some crescent moon that will not fade till tomorrow. You can feel his dick fill you perfectly. He lets you adjust him for a moment before pulling his dick out slightly before pushing in again. You moan his name like a prayer, pulling his body closer till there is not even a tiny space left between you two. His thrust becomes even harder, Minho's hand sneaks to your hips, holding them in a bruising grip as he pin you down and pound you hard on his dick, his hips move faster to ram your tiny hole with incredible speed.

"M-Minho!" you gasped "F-feels good.. ah fuck-!"

You moan when his thumb comes in contact with your clit, gently rubbing the sensitive button. Pleasure built in you like you're in euphoria. He fucked you like you're the most precious, beautiful, ethereal person in this world. With his last thrust, you cried out his name, burying your face in his neck as your orgasm hit you like a brick wall, making your whole body shaking in pleasure. Your pussy clamped down around Minho's dick, you let your juice flow out around him with every pulse of pleasure that slammed into you.

"Fuck.. So good baby, you feel so good for me" Minho grunted, thrusting up into you a few more times before he found his own release, moaning your name as his cum shot up into you and filled you inside.

He plopped down his body on you, dick still connecting with you slowly softening. He lifts his body a bit and brushes some hair sticking on your face. Minho patted your head a few times until he saw you breathing more calmly, then pulled his dick out slowly making you flinch because of the overstimulation.

"Never thought I could finally fuck my childhood crush." Minho said, making you look at him. "Wait, you had a crush on me?" You asked him, can't believe what you just heard. "Still do. I would refuse you for ruining my beauty sleep if I didn't"

You give him an unbelievable look, then smile and close the distance between you two and kiss him on the lips. "Idiot. You should have tell me sooner so we could fuck sooner too." You giggle.

Minho looks at you and blink his eyes a few times, confused. He then chuckled and patted your head "Oh well, we're a couple now. We can fuck anytime you want." He said hugging you tight.

"You did great today, I hope you still remember the things I taught you after I fucked your brain out" Minho smirks while playing with your hair.

You punch him playfully "Thanks for today, asshole" You mumble, hiding your happy smile.

"Thanks for the lesson? Or thanks for the good fuck?" He teases you, making you push his body off you and fall from the bed.

"You're so annoying!"

#stray kids #stray kids imagines #stray kids au #lee know x reader #stray kids lee know #stray kids smut

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silversatoru · 4 years ago

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Hello! I wanted to request for a chubby reader x Levi oneshot. I feel like there aren’t many stories that have chubby readers ): As for the storyline, I’m not sure if it falls in the angst or hurt/comfort category. It would be the reader feeling insecure about themselves because they have a harder time training than the others (them blaming it on their own weight) and seeing how everyone is much thinner than them, they start avoiding food. To not make it look suspicious, they’d go into the kitchen alone and put the food away along with the left overs. The reader would act normal with Levi and he doesn’t suspect anything at first. Later on, the reader would push themselves harder to the point where they’d train on their own whenever they had to chance so they can lose weight and improve their training. At this point, Levi starts noticing the reader looking paler than usual and the slight difference in their weight. One day during training, the reader ends up fainting from exhaustion and dehydration. They wake up on Levis’s bed with him looking over them. He asks what happened and the reader lies by saying they didn’t drink enough water. Levi calls it bs and ask if they think he’s stupid and goes on to tell them about how they noticed the reader sneaking off into the kitchen with a plate and coming out without it. He didn’t think anything of it at first, but he started putting the pieces together. They end up telling Levi the truth, the way they feel towards themself and how they don’t like the fact that they’re bigger than Levi. He comforts the reader and lets them know that they’re an idiot for thinking that way, etc. Thank you! I’m so sorry if it sounds so cheesy!

hello dear!! i dont think your idea was cheesy at all, i love it actually. these kind of issues live very close to my heart, so writing about them is always really fun for me. that being said,, this fic definitely got very dark and very real, and i would advise everyone to read the warnings before deciding to read this <33

empty

levi ackerman x gn!reader

synopsis: levi catches you skipping meals and does what he can to help

tags/warnings: eating disorder, skipping meals, hurt/comfort, but it does have a happy ending!

word count: 2.2k

Throbbing headaches and hollow, gnawing pains in your stomach — they’ve quickly become your new normal. You see everything through a hazy fog these days, nothing feels real and everything hurts but it’s worth it — that’s what you keep saying to yourself. You’re tired of lacking the same agility, momentum, and grace that your thinner counterparts have.

Your weight was always something that ate away at the back of your head, but joining the scout regiment multiplied it tenfold. You were constantly working twice as hard as your fellow scouts, and it seemed like it was never enough. Everyone around you was not only ridiculously athletic, but so fucking thin. You didn’t hate your comrades for their bodies and the way they were born, but you made up for it by inflicting all of the hate onto yourself.

You wonder if anyone notices your zombie eyes or the abnormal paleness to your face — god, you hope they don’t. The last thing you want to do is have to confront your feelings and admit what you’ve been doing lately. Every night you shamefully sneak back into the kitchen and pour your plate of food into the large pot of leftovers. You pick at food here and there when your friends are watching, but behind closed doors you haven’t eaten much of anything lately. Your body is running on empty, and it’s only a matter of time before it fully catches up to you.

You hear your last name echo from across the training fields, slowly turning around to see an angry captain sulking towards you. His face was twisted into an unpleasant grimace, his eyebrows knitted together into what almost looked like concern.

“I’m excusing you from the remainder of training, leave,” his words were flat, but there was a subtle emotional edge.

“Sorry, what?” you gave him a confused look — Captain Levi never excused anyone from training, not unless they were practically on their deathbed.

“Go home, and eat a big dinner tonight, your energy has been less than adequate lately,” his face softened slightly, “I expect you to be back to normal by tomorrow. Your skills and abilities are needed here, so go get some rest and be better tomorrow, yeah?”

“But, I-,” you stammered, trying to come up with some kind of valid excuse.

“That’s an order, cadet”.

His words surprised you, and before you could even rack your brain for an appropriate way to respond, he was turned on his heels and walking away. You swallowed thickly, your throat dry and stuffed full with anxiety.

Reluctantly, you followed his orders and made your way back to the Scout’s base early. You grabbed a stack of fresh clothing from your room before heading to the showers and scrubbing yourself free of all the sweat and grime from training. You were careful to avoid mirrors when you navigated bathrooms, and tonight was no exception, your eyes glued to the tiled floor. After showering, you hesitantly walked to the kitchen, preparing a plate of food and bringing it back to your room.

That food stared you in the eyes for hours, taunting you and teasing you and making intense nausea creep up your spine. Tears were stinging the backs of your eyes and your lungs were shaking with heavy, anxiety-filled breaths. You couldn't do it, and you were overwhelmed with shame and guilt. If you couldn’t do it for Levi, you were hopeless that you’d be able to do it for anyone, never mind for yourself.

After making countless pitiful attempts to take a bite of your untouched meal, you decided it was going back into the leftover pot — just like everything else. The other scouts should have returned and been sleeping by now anyway, you’d just silently creep down the hallway, dump the food, and creep back, no harm no foul.

Except for that a certain short, dark-haired captain was standing at the end of the hallway — you didn't notice him, but he certainly noticed you. A boiling anger rippled up inside him as he felt an overwhelming disappointment in your actions. He’d been suspecting this kind of behavior for a while now, but watching you tip-toe down the hall and into the kitchen with an uneaten plate of food confirmed all of his suspicions.

You could barely crawl out of bed the next morning, your ribs aching and your head pounding with a dull pain. You grasped at your tall dresser, catching your balance as you dangerously swayed back and forth for a few seconds. After regaining consciousness and stability you carefully changed into your uniform, having to stop and take breaks every few seconds because you were running out of breath. Your body felt utterly devoid of any kind of energy, and you wondered — when was the last time I actually ate something?

It was far enough back that you couldn’t quite remember, maybe a few days at this point, you really weren’t sure anymore. You’d have to suck it up for training though, because the last thing you wanted was to be confronted by the captain again.

You chugged back a full glass of water before lacing up your boots and throwing on a convincing facade. People don’t seem to notice something is wrong as long as you're smiling, laughing, and going along with what they say — it’s easy enough to fly under the radar of your fellow scouts.

Levi’s radar is a little sharper though, and he keeps a close eye on you from the second you walk up to the training grounds. He’s disappointed in your hand to hand combat — it’s sloppy, slow, predictable. Your hands look shaky too, and maybe it's the light playing tricks on him but it looks like the color is draining from your face.

Things are feeling deplorable on your side — you can barely stand anymore, never mind throw punches or avoid the oncoming attacks. Your vision was starting to tunnel, foggy black surrounding your periphery as you began to lose feeling in your fingertips. You tried desperately to cling onto whatever semblance of consciousness you had left, but failed miserably, your body collapsing to the hard earth beneath you.

The soft glow of warm candles illuminated the walls around you when you finally woke up from the earlier incident. This wasn’t your room, where the hell were you? You uncomfortably shifted to the side and flinched when you saw your captain sitting in a chair in front of you. His arms were crossed and one of his legs was propped on top of the other, an icey look in his eyes.

“What happened today?” His words were very short and his tone was flooded with irritation — he didn’t even give you a chance to take in your surroundings.

“Ah- I didn’t sleep well last night,” you lied, “And maybe I haven’t been drinking enough water or something”.

“I’m offended that you think I would fall for such a pitiful lie,” He clicked his tongue off the roof of his mouth, “I saw you sneak into the kitchen last night, how long have you been doing that?”

Your eyes grew wide with anxiety, your heart abruptly dropping to the floor — you made sure to go extra late last night, why the hell was he still up?

You stayed quiet for a moment, pondering over how honest you should be with Levi right now. The two of you had always been a little closer than he was with the other scouts, but unfortunately there was no room for things like love in this world. You also assumed that maybe he never reciprocated your feelings because of your weight — but that was just more toxic fuel to the fire blossoming in your head.

“Pretty long,” you sighed, ultimately deciding to be fully honest with him, because knowing Levi, he’d continue to see right through your lies anyway.

“I figured,” He grumbled, uncrossing his legs and leaning back into his chair, “Why?”

“Everyone around me is thin, I stick out. And, I’m not as agile or flexible as the other scouts either. I just thought that maybe...,” you bit down hard on your bottom lip, rolling onto your back so you wouldn’t have to look at him, “I thought my weight bothered you too, and also that I’d be more useful to the scouts if I was skinnier”.

“You think I’d like you better if you were dead?” Levi was leaning closer now, heat boiling in his eyes, “Because that’s where you’re headed right now. If you truly think you’ll be more helpful to the scouts when you’re six feet under, you’re delusional. And who the hell gave you the idea that your weight bothered me?”

His harsh words were cold slap in the face, your eyes burning and threatening to spill over with tears. You didn’t want to die, not really, you just didn’t want to hate yourself anymore.

“No one! I don’t know, I just thought, maybe because I was bigger than you-,” You continued to stammer over your words, tears beginning to leak down your cheeks.

“It doesn’t matter,” he waved you off, not wanting to push the issue further, “You’re wrong, and I’m hurt that you’d even think that. I’ve never once thought that you were anything other than the way you should be”.

“I’m sorry,” your voice was weak and shaky, but your heart was pounding against your chest at his words.

“I’m not the person you should be apologizing to, that’s something you owe to yourself” he shook his head and stood up to retrieve two small bowls of food from a nearby table, “I brought you something to eat”.

You watched him intently, pondering over his words about apologizing to yourself.

“It’s only a bowl of soup, so you can start small, yeah?” He offered one of the bowls to you, which you hesitantly took into your hands as you sat up.

He sat down again across from you again, leaning back and taking a sip of broth from his bowl. You were grateful that he was here, that he was eating with you — it made things a little easier. You grasped the spoon in your hands and scooped up some brothy vegetables before lifting them into your mouth.

“Good, finish the bowl,” nodded at you, giving you a reassuring look and lifting his own bowl to his lips again.

The two of you ate in silence until you were finished, and then he sat the bowls back on his nightstand before finding a seat next to you on his bed.

“Stay here tonight,” he stared at you with his signature tired eyes, but there were hints of concern laced through them now, “We’ll have breakfast together in the morning”.

“Okay,” you gave him a weak nod, trying desperately to bottle up your growing emotions, but they were becoming too much to bear.

Small sobs began to rack through your body, your chest tightening and your stomach lurching with anxiety. You were experiencing so many feelings tonight — eating for the first time in days and being here with Levi, it was overwhelming to say the least.

You could barely see the captain through your blurry vision, but you could feel his arms maneuver themselves around you and pull you against his chest. You stayed like that for a while, Levi’s arms delicately holding you in place while quiet sobs worked their way out of your lips.

“You’ve dug yourself into a deep hole, I won’t lie to you,” you heard him let out a tired sigh, “And it’s gonna take time and effort for you to dig your way out, but you’ll get there. We’ll start by having breakfast and dinner together every night, how does that sound? Just you and me, no one else has to watch”.

You nuzzled a tiny nod into his chest, your tears finally running dry. It was a terrifying thought, eating normal again, but you were starting to feel hopeful that you might actually be able to do it.

And so the two of you met every morning and every evening for your scheduled meals, and day by day things began to get easier. You even found yourself staying over in Levi’s room after dinner and into the morning for breakfast sometimes. Spending so much time together was definitely pushing the two of you to address the feelings you’d been hiding for so long.

But not everything was perfect, it would be irrational to think it would be. You still have bad nights, where eating is so hard you break down into tears, and where you want nothing more than to rid yourself of the food in your system. It’s a draining process, but Levi works hard to make sure you stay on track with your progress.

It’s slow, but eventually your face starts to glow again, your skin gets smooth and soft, and the aching pains in your body start to fade. Your war with your body is far from over, but you’re doing what you can, and you’re healing yourself one day at a time.

thank u for reading this, and now i would like to give you a gentle reminder to do something nice for your body today. eating disorders and mental illnesses are huge mountains to climb over, but taking things one day at a time makes it a little easier. try and eat a meal today (even if it’s small), go to sleep early and get some rest, take a shower and rub lotion all over your legs so they feel nice against your blankets when you lay in bed. baby steps are better than no steps at all, so be patient with yourself. n go drink some water, ur body loves that shit

#attack on titan #attack on titan levi #attack on titan x reader #levi #levi ackerman #levi x y/n #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi x gn!reader #hurt/comfort #angst #levi hurt comfort #attack on titan x gn!reader

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ankhisms · 2 years ago

Text

painfully aware of how my mental and physical illnesses make it feel almost impossible for me to function or exist at all in society

yes i have a diary now yes i am still writing this here bc im not home yet. my pain in my back and neck and hip have been worse and worse lately and ive been trying to just manage it and deal with it but my mental health has also just been a rollercoaster lately where ill be fine and then ill take a nose dive and have been genuinely really seriously suicidal and close to relapsing into self harm but i thankfully havent. right now im just thinking about how much it sucks that just no matter how hard i try people can still sense that theres something off about me and that i dont act "normal" in our interactions like at the end of the audition i had to talk to this like theater manager lady and the conversation was really hard for me to follow along and get through and it was clear that she thought i was acting weird and she asked me if id be willing to do behind the scenes stuff and i said something like well i like 25 miles out of town so i cant really come for backstage stuff on short notice and she was like well can you follow instructions and i had trouble responding to that because thats a loaded question for me i do often strugglw with the instructions people give me especially in environments like work ones so i said uh within reason and she clearly thought that was a weird response. it just all makes me feel so hopeless i feel like in the past with the theater i grew up in and the other one i acted in they like... they were aware of me being strange but the directors at least didnt hold it against me or get mad at me really for being not normal because they knew i was a good actor and i worked hard and i was serious about it and passionate about it and now i feel like people just notice that im not normal and think that means that they shouldnt have me in their production. but then it hurts to also think like. well what if ive just never actually been very good at this. for such a long time acting was like the only thing i ever truly felt fully confident in myself about and the only thing i belueced in myself about ive always felt pretty insecure about my art and writing even though i love doing those things just as much as acting but with acting i always felt like it was something i was good at or at least decent at it like i got lead roles the first time i tried to go to college i got a scholarship for my acting. and now im just like. what if ive just been total shit at this this entire time. what if someones going to just tell me straight to my face that im laughably bad at this and that its pathetic and that theres no chance in hell that i can ever be a professional actor. thinking about it all now its like man. the professors at that first college i tried to go to who tormented me and told me i was too ugly to get any roles and too emotional really fucked me up i think thats where this self doubt in my acting ability is coming from. because before that whole disaster i really did feel more solidly confident in my ability. and now its like. what if i really just suck at this and no matter how much i love it and care about it and put a lot of work and thought and effort into it what if theres just no chance for me and its all impossible. anyway im just rambling now but yeah. really doubt im getting into the show i auditioned for today

#flashing warning #suicide mention #self harm mention

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eevee-eclair · 4 years ago

Text

Smitten Like a Kitten

Written by EeveeEclair

TW: fluff, crying, (tell me if I missed one!)

Random side note: This was made possible thanks to @does-this-look-logicality-to-you’s Animal Shelter AU! Thank you!

>~~~~~<

About ten years ago when Patton and Logan were still in college, Logan told Patton about his soft spot for animals. Patton was shocked the ‘emotionless’ man (or so everyone called him) loved something as much as him. And animals no less!

“It’s just… they tend to follow me everywhere and I feel like they understand me somehow,” Logan said, looking a little sheepish. “I know it sounds illogical, but I think I want to open an animal shelter when I graduate.”

Patton gasped and squealed. “Can I help?!” He asked.

Logan looked at him for a second, then gave him one of his rare smiles. “Yeah! And we could help all kinds of animals!” He said.

Patton smiled and got comfortable at the desk he was sitting at, listening to Logan ramble about his dream shelter. He listened as Logan told him about a lamp room and how he would run the place, nodding every so often as giving his opinion here and there.

It was then he realized he might have a crush on Logan.

~~~

A few years after graduation, Logan and Patton bought what would soon be their dream animal shelter. They had asked some family for financial help, and asked their friends Virgil and Roman if they would want to work there.

“I can’t believe this is happening!” Patton squealed as he walked through the empty animal shelter. “Right, Logan?” He asked. He was met with silence, so he looked around for Logan. “Logan?” He called. It took a minute but he found Logan in the backyard where the dogs would be able to run around. Upon closer inspection, he saw his friend crying.

Logan saw him approaching and wiped the tears away. “Hello, Patton. What do you need?” He asked, trying to hide the fact he was crying.

Patton wasn’t going to let him just forget it, though. “Why are you crying?” He asked, putting a hand on Logan’s back.

“It’s just… I never thought I would be living this dream,” he told him. He laughed a little. “It’s all thanks to you.”

Patton smiled and felt tears build up in his eyes too. “It was only because you told me it was your dream,” he said, hugging Logan.

They sat there, wrapped in each other’s arms crying happy tears for about an hour. It was sundown but the time they went back to their respective apartments.

~~~

Two months after they had bought the empty building, they had their first dog. After everyone saw how happy the dog became only a few weeks later, they got more and more animals and with it came more and more adoptions.

But every time someone came to adopt a pet, they asked how said pet became so happy so fast. Every time, they said the same thing, ‘you can thank Logan Barry’. Yet, every time, the adopter would take one look at the emotionless receptionist and laugh.

“You can’t be serious,” someone once said.

“Ma’am, I've never been more serious in my life. The animals love him,” Patton told her.

As if on cue, a mother cat and her five kittens all jumped onto Logan’s workspace. His face immediately lit up with the biggest smile, making Patton melt. He watched as Logan put a kitten in his shirt pocket and two on his lap. Logan then set another on his head and the last one on his shoulder, leaving the mama cat, Sammy, kitten-less and given a well deserved break.

Sammy meowed at Logan before jumping off, leaving her kittens to snuggle with the kind man. “Bye Sammy,” Logan said, before turning back to work.

The lady stared at Logan in awe. She gave a small ‘oh’ before leaving with the bird she adopted. Patton smiled as she walked off, happy to have proved her wrong.

~~~

It didn’t take long for Patton and Logan to realize they would need a better way to get to work faster. Both their apartments were about an hour to thirty minutes from the shelter, so they had to get up extremely early. Not to mention the late hoodies they already worked.

“We can’t run on three hours of sleep forever, Lo,” Patton yawned.

“I know,” Logan said, rubbing his eyes. “But for both of us to move would be expensive. It would also take up a lot of time we don’t have to give.”

Patton taped his chin for a second, thinking of a solution. “We could move in together?” He suggested. “It would save us money, be more convenient, and we won’t have to waste a lot of time moving! We could even call Roman and Remus to help unpack!”

Logan nodded. “It would be beneficial for both of us,” he mused. “Okay, I like your idea. But we need to plan it out. We can’t be gone from the shelter for too long or Virgil will have a panic attack.”

Patton smiled. “Okay! I’ll start looking for houses nearby!” He said, opening his laptop to search. Logan smiled as he watched Patton search for houses. He wouldn’t admit it, but he was very excited about the idea of sharing a house with his best friend.

~~~

Patton watched with a small smile on his face as Logan walked around the shelter with at least four dogs trotting after him. He also noticed a black cat had fallen asleep on Logan's shoulders and a small bird was snoozing in his hair. Logan saw Patton watching and walked over to him, beaming.

“Ah, Patton! I’ve been looking for you,” he said.

“Oh? And what can I do for you?” Patton asked, smiling back.

“I’ve got a few more adoption papers for you!” Logan told him. “Two cats and one dog!”

Patton laughed at Logan’s enthusiasm. “Alright, let me see,” he said. Logan handed him the papers and he skimmed them quickly. “Alright! I’ll send Roman over for a house inspection tomorrow.”

Logan nodded and walked off, still smiling. Patton noticed that the amount of animals had increased in the few minutes he stood still, as he walked away.

~~~

Logan watched as Patton smiled when another animal was adopted. More specifically, how cute he looked smiling. Usually, he thought nothing of it, but today he just couldn’t shake how adorable Patton looked in the skirt he insisted on wearing even though Logan had told him it would get ruined (and at the end of the day, it was) and how well it worked with his wide smile.

Patton looked in Logan’s direction and his smile turned from customer service to one of his genuine smiles. The kind you can’t say no to.

Logan sat up a little straighter (read gayer) as Patton made his way over.

“Hi, Lo! Did you need something?” He asked in his cheery tone.

“Oh no, I’m fine!” Logan said. “Just… umm… getting some work done! Yeah, that’s it!” He rushed in a panic.

“Okay, well I’m going to go get lunch! Roman brought sandwiches! Do you want anything?”

Logan shook his head. “I brought my own lunch, thanks,” he told him, pointing to his lunchbox. Most days it held not only a tuna sandwich and an orange, but treats for the animals that sit around him.

“Okay! If you change your mind, let me know!” Patton smiled, walking off.

Logan waved goodbye before slumping in his chair letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Sammy meowed in protest as he laid his head on her tail.

“Sorry, Sam,” he mumbled. “He’s just too cute!”

Sammy meowed in acknowledgement before tucking her tail in and laying back down.

“Did you just call Patton cute?”

Logan jumped at Virgil’s voice, startling Sammy again and the bird who decided Logan’s hair would make a good napping spot.

“Virgil!” He cried, adjusting his tie nervously. “Don’t sneak up on me like that!”

“Sorry,” Virgil shrugged. “But you’re avoiding my question. Did you just call Patton cute?”

Logan sighed and covered his face. “Yes.”

“Why?” Virgil asked. Then realization dawned on him. “Oh my god, you like Patton.”

Logan’s face turned red and he quickly shushed Virgil. “Don’t say it so loud!” He hissed.

Virgil laughed. “Everyone knows, L. It’s no secret. Well, except to Patton,” he said shrugging. “Poor dude is too innocent for his own good,” Virgil mused.

“Do you have any advice for me?” Logan pleaded, snapping Virgil from his thoughts.

Virgil nodded. “Yeah.”

Logan stared at him for a second. “Well? What is it?” He asked, growing impatient.

“You don’t know?” Virgil asked, shocked. When Logan shook his head no, Virgil groaned. “You’re hopeless.”

Logan began to panic. “What does that mean?!” He cried.

Virgil laughed. “No, dude, like, you’ve never asked out a crush before?”

Logan’s face turned a light shade of pink. “You’re suggesting I ask Patton out?” He whispered. Virgil nodded. “You’re insane!” He cried.

“Who is?” Patton asked.

Logan jumped. Again. “No one!” He exclaimed, adjusting his tie. “What can I help you with, Patton?” Logan asked.

“Roman found a kitten hiding under a car at a car dealership and I was wondering if you could help us get it to eat?” Patton asked. Logan saw Patton looked distressed and felt his chest tighten at the sight.

Logan nods. “Absolutely, tell me where it is,” he said, standing up.

Patton smiled. Logan’s heart jumped at his new favorite sight. “Thank you Logan! They’re both in the lamp room,” he said. The lamp room was where they had all their heat lamps for snakes, lizards, and other reptiles. Sometimes they used it for baby animals (like kittens) that had no mother for warmth.

Virgil smiled as Logan walked away with Patton. He pulled out his phone and started to text his friend, Remy. They didn’t usually hire outsiders, but Virgil introduced him to Logan and Patton and they quickly hired him. Remy was also really good with birds for some reason.

You: u and ro are gonna help me set up our bosses

Sleep King: k. when we startin?

You: lunch. imma talk to ro dont b l8

Sleep King: k see u then

Virgil put his phone up and followed the others into the lamp room to talk to Roman. They had a date to plan.

~~~

Patton smiled as Logan finally got the sick kitten to drink some formula. Normally, Logan wouldn’t have to do this, but there were no mother cats willing to provide milk. Hence, the bottle of kitten formula.

He watched as Logan smiled and pet the small cat for doing such a good job. Patton decided then and there he would do whatever he could to make Logan smile like that more often.

Roman noticed Patton’s helpless staring and nudged him. “You good, Pops?” He asked.

Patton blinked and stopped starting at Logan. “Yes? Why wouldn’t I be?”

Roman laughed a little. “You’re kinda staring at Logan,” he said.

Patton’s face burned red. “O-oh! I didn’t notice,” he mumbled.

Roman stared at him for a second before grinning. “You have a crush on Logan,” it was a statement, not a question.

“Noooo…” Patton lied, looking away. “What makes you say that?”

Roman tried to hide his giggles but he failed miserably. “Oh my god you do!” He laughed. “You have a crush o-“

Patton put a hand over Roman’s mouth before he could finish his sentence. “Okay! I do! But don’t tell him!” He pleaded.

Roman rolled his eyes but nodded nonetheless. Patton removed his hand and sighed. “Fine. But I’m telling the others.”

Patton paled. “You can’t! No one can know!” He cried.

“You can’t expect me to keep this a secret from everyone?” Roman asked, raising an eyebrow.

“A gay can dream, can’t he?” Patton said with a sad but hopeful smile.

“I’m telling Remy and Virgil,” Roman said. “And possibly Remus and Janus,” he added after some thought.

Patton lowered his head in defeat. “As long as Logan doesn’t find out, you can tell whoever,” he mumbled.

Roman took one look at his friend’s sad expression and sighed. “Fine. I’ll only tell Virgil and Remy. Deal?”

Patton nodded, smiling a little. “Deal!”

~~~

Remy sipped his iced coffee as he waited for Virgil and Roman I’m the breakroom. He had been waiting for a few minutes and was starting to get impatient. Usually Virgil didn’t keep him waiting this long.

“Sorry we're late!” Virgil said, stumbling through the doorway with Roman close behind. Both men looked a little rough.

Remy whistled. “Why were you two late? Wait, don’t tell me,” he said, smirking. He laughed at his friend’s red face. “Relax! I’m kidding! I know what really happened.”

“Remy!” Virgil cried. “Get your mind out of the gutter!”

Remy lowered his sunglasses, looking Virgil right in the eye. “It’s not in the gutter, babe. I never said what really happened.”

“Whatever! What’s going on?” Roman asked, changing the subject. He walked over to the fridge and pulled out the salad he had been saving. “Virgil said something about setting up some guys?”

“Yeah, Logan and Patton,” Virgil said. “Logan has this huge crush on Patton but he’s too chicken to do anything about it.”

Roman laughed. “This is perfect! Patton just told me he also had a crush on our Nerdy Wolverine!” He told them.

Remy shrugged. “Well, the answer is pretty simple. We set up two fake dinners. One between Virgil and Logan and one between Roman and Patton. Then, when they both accept, you both stand them up and watch from a different table,” Remy said it like it was obvious.

Roman stared at him. “That is so cheesy and cliché!” He cried. Then he smirked. “I’m in.”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Fine. I’ve got nothing better to do anyway.”

And just like that, they had a plan.

~~~

Roman and Virgil got off the phone about the same time, setting up their fake dinner dates. Virgil felt bad about lying to his friends, but Roman assured him it was in that name of love.

“They’ll thank us later,” Roman said.

“Let's hope so,” Virgil mumbled, snuggling into his side. “Cuddle me to make me feel better?” He asked.

Roman put an arm around Virgil. “Of course,” he said.

Remy groaned. “Get up you two! You have a date to stalk!” He whined.

“Can’t you do it? They could recognize us! Plus, you’d get to see the date first hand,” Virgil said smiling.

“You got me there,” Remy mused. “Fine! You can stay. I got some gays to stalk,” he said, walking away.

~~~

Logan fiddled with his tie as he waited for Virgil to show up. Virgil was never late and he was starting to worry. What could make Virgil forty minutes late? To a reserved time no less!

He was pulled from his spiraling by the sound of crying. Looking around he noticed Patton wasn’t far from him. Not only that, he was the one in tears. It broke his heart to see him so sad, so he walked over and put a hand on his back.

“Patton? Are you okay?” Logan asked.

Patton shook his head and wiped at his tears. “N-no. Roman said we would meet up for dinner here but it’s been almost an hour and he’s still not here!” He sobbed. Patton turned to him and it broke Logan’s heart to see his friend so distraught. “Do you think he lied to me?” He whispered, sounding scared.

Logan used his thumb to wipe away a stray tear. “Or course not. He’s probably running late! Virgil was going to meet me here too, but he hasn’t showed up either,” Logan said, smiling.

Patton tilted his head in confusion. He looked like a confused puppy to be honest. “Virgil’s never late to anything,” he said.

“I know, that’s why I’m a little concerned,” Logan sighed. Then he pulled out his phone. “I’ll call him and ask if he’s okay.”

Logan pulled out his phone and dialed Virgil’s number, praying he would pick up this time. Thankfully, he did.

“Hey Logan?” It was more of a question than a greeting. “How’s it going?”

“Where are you?” Logan asked, tapping his foot in frustration. “It’s been forty minutes! And do you know where Roman is? He stood Patton up and I found him crying outside the building!” He seethed.

On the other end, Virgil sighed. “I-I’m sorry okay? It was Remy’s idea. And Roman’s sitting right next to me.”

“What’s going on?! What was Remy’s idea?!” Logan cried.

Logan heard some movement on the other side and suddenly, Roman was the one in possession of the phone.

“Okay, L, listen up! You and Patton obviously have deep romantic feelings for each other and neither of you are doing a thing about it! So me, Remy, and Virgil set you guys up on a date! You’re welcome!” Roman said smugly. “Now go enjoy your date!” He declared before hanging up.

“Roman? Roman!” Logan yelled into the phone, hoping it would bring him back.

“Is everything okay?” Patton asked. Thankfully, his tears had dried by now and was looking a little less sad.

“Yes. They’re both fine. For now,” Logan added, stuffing his phone back into his pocket.

“What do you mean ‘for now’?” Patton asked, raising an eyebrow. When Logan didn’t answer he pressed further. “Logan, what do you mean?”

Logan sighed. “They set us up on a date by asking both of us to attend a dinner and ditching us both. Leaving us to spend the night together,” he explained.

“Oh! That’s not so bad, right?” Patton asked.

Logan shrugged, but smiled nonetheless. “Yeah, you’re right,” he said. Then he took Patton’s hand and led him to the front door and opened it. “Shall we?”

Patton giggled. “We shall.”

A few years later, the partner-owned animal shelter would become a family business, but for now they would enjoy dinner dates every Sunday and movie night almost every day after work. All thanks to their friends.

Logan was still going to tear them apart later, though.

#logicality #logan sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #princxiety #sleep sanders #remy sanders #background princxiety #remus sanders #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides fic #sanders sides #eevee writes

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mysticthot · 6 years ago

Text

RFA With a Crush

happy late valentines day i spent my night writing this and eating chocolate

Yoosung-

Yandere boi comin at u

He gets like lowkey obsessive, not anything creepy but like

He’ll hang out in places you hang out so hopefully you’ll talk to him or at least see him and think he’s cool

Tends to day dream in classes you have together cause he just gets so distracted by you

Has definitely been called out on it by his teacher and he almost dies of embarrassment when you and the rest of the class all turn and look at him

Talks about you all the time

To everyone

His mom gets weekly updates

The rfa all know you, they on a first man basis

He’ll see you walking across campus and he just dies and immediately messages the chatroom to tell them how cute you looked in your sweater

He would be too shy to actually talk to you tho

He’d try multiple times, walking up to you, taking a deep breath, then just dying and turning around and walking away before you saw him

Once you turned around and he was walking towards you, you smiled at him and he freaked out and just kept walking and left you there

legend says he’s still walking to this day

One day he was meeting Zen and Seven for lunch and they’re all sitting down and the waitress comes walking over and holy shit it’s you!

You walk up to their table and smile, getting ready to take their order, when you see Yoosung

He dies when you look at him

Immediately just covered in sweat

“Hey, we have class together don’t we? You’re Yoosung right?”

You said his name and his soul leaves his body

Didn’t think you knew his name

He nods and mumbles something out that not even he understands and Zen and Seven are looking at him like he’s insane until they see you’re name tag

“OH MY GOD IT’S MC.”

“ShuT Up SEvEn!”

You’re laughing awkwardly now, not exactly understanding what is going on cause Yoosung is bright red, his friend called Seven is laughing loud enough to catch the attention of multiple other tables and the one with the red eyes is typing furiously on his phone into some kind of chatroom

“Ok...I’ll give you guys a couple minutes to decide.”

Yoosung has never been so embarssed in his life

He wants to leave, but Seven and Zen are refusing to go and he doesn’t want to leave them alone with you

(he’s lowkey triggered by the fact that Zen agreed that you were hella cute he doesn’t need that kind of competition)

You come by their table frequently and Seven keeps making little comments about Yoosungs crush and you’re blushing cause Zens calling you cute and Yoosungs finna be over that table fighting if he dont stop

By the end of lunch, he’s pretty sure it’s the most embarrassed he’s ever been

But also he finally got to talk to you and you didn’t get (too) weirded out by him

You smile and wave at the boys as they leave the restaurant, and Yoosung almost misses the moment when you wink and blow a kiss at him

He almost passes out

Chatroom better get ready that’s all he gonna be talking about for the rest of his life

Zen-

He is such a hopeless romantic, I lowkey feel like he would be the type to make eye contact with someone on the street then spend the rest of the week wondering it that person could have been the love of his life

He just really wants to be in love

(boi same)

When he has a crush he’s not shy about it

He’s a confident boi so he’ll go right up to them and start talking and trying to get to know them

Next thing you know he has your number and you’re going out friday night

Then he meets you, and you dont fall so easily for his looks charms

And he’s pretty sure he fell in love at first sight

You’re his new neighbor, and he saw you out there moving boxes and immediately thought you were the cutest thing ever

He wanted to go help you, but he had to leave for a rehearsal, so instead, he waved and tried to look good while he walked out to his car

You smiled at him then just continued on your way

He was shook, people are usually more stunned by his looks

Thats ok he’ll just impress you another time

From then on he tries his hardest to meet you

But it seems like every time he’s home you’re not, and every time your home, he has to leave

He never gets the chance to talk to you, but he see’s you around all the time

You know how when you see someone and you dont know them you basically build a whole world around them and then suddenly you’re in love?

Ya he did that

Always going on in the chatrooms that you guys are star crossed lovers

“You haven’t spoken a single word to her.”

“Shut up trust fund kid you don’t understand!”

He goes out of his way to try and impress you in those small moments he does see you

He just wants so badly to know you, so of course when he finally gets the chance, he would screw it up

You were outside walking your dog around the neighborhood when he was getting ready to go for a run

This is his chance!

He’s now running towards you, trying to catch up so he can introduce himself

Its like things are moving in slow motion, picture it:

He’s jogging, hair flowing

You’re walking, back facing him, totally unaware, looking like a model

Your dog it turning towards him teeth bared and barking

“oH SHIT-”

Next thing he knows he’s running the other direction from your dog, with you chasing both of them

You finally get close enough to grab the leash that had been pulled out of your hand, stopping your dog from chewing on Zen’s leg

“I am so sorry, I dont know what got into him, he usually doesn't get aggressive like that unless he thinks I’m in danger...” You apologize, calming your dog

Zen is bent over, panting and now realizing it was a little sketchy of him to be basically chasing you down the street

“That’s ok, how about you make it up to me by telling me your name. I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced yet, I’m Zen.” Boi immediately turns up the charm of course

You’re shocked for a second, but you don’t really expect any thing else from your hot neighbor who seems to always be trying to impress you

Maybe now you’ll stop messing with him and admit he has caught your eye

Jaehee-

Girl is so busy with work she doesn't really have time to be crushin on anyone

So of course she would meet her crush at work

You were new in the office, and Jaehee was given the task of showing you around

She starts off thinking you’re just a nice person, you would make a good office friend for her to talk with or possibly eat with (when she has time to eat rip)

Then she starts to think of you more and more

She looks forward to the moments when you would walk past her office to use the copier, and you would smile and wave at her through the window

It would make her heart jump

And she would smile back, a little bit awkwardly, and wave before ducking her head back down

It took her quite a while to realize it was a crush

Its normal to think of your friend all the time

Its normal to want to talk to her, but also being nervous every time she looks at you

Its normal to blush just at the thought of her, right??

Just gals being pals nothing to see here

Sweet girl is probably the one that would look up those ‘do u have a crush quiz’ then she would get to embarrassed to do it and delete the website from her browser history lol

She lowkey starts coming out of her office more just so you will stop and talk to her

Definitely the highlight of her day

One day shes talking with you while you’re getting a soda from the vending machine, when you mention how you’ve started watching some musicals she recommended

Girls just

cums

She invites you over to watch some of Zen’s videos before she can even realize what she’s doing

You say sure and that you would see her after work before skipping off to your desk

She’s left there shook

Did she actually just invite you to hang out with her??

At her house???

God she hoped this was a date

She returns to her office to find Jumin waiting for her, he does not look amused

“Assistant Kang, I’ve been waiting.”

“Oh sorry Sir, I was just-”

“Flirting with Ms. MC?”

She shook

Boi just gonna call her out like that??

How does he even know what flirting is this boi supposed to be a robot how he know what a gay is????

(oh ya does jumin han is gay thats how)

“She’s been distracting you long enough, just ask her out and get it over with.”

The last thing she expected coming into work today was getting a date and advice on her love life from none other than Jumin Han

But, at least she has that date

Jumin-

Jumin Han does not get crushes.

Or, at least he hasn’t had one yet

He’s so out of touch with his emotions, he would prolly think he was dying or something if he had a crush

Lmao Jumin would take of one those do you have a crush quizzes but unlike jeahee he has no shame so he would send her the results and have her type up a report rip

He met you in the absolute last place he would have ever expected to meet someone

Knocking on Assistant Kang’s door, Elizabeth in hand, he was shocked to find not Assistant Kang at the other side

He’s immediately sizing you up, you look like a normal girl in your pajamas, but you don’t look like you could be a relative of Jaehee, so why are you here

He doesn’t have the chance to ask before you’re gushing over his cat

He’s pleasantly surprised at how you call her beautiful and ask for her name and gently pet her head

He was hesitant to let your touch her, but you had asked first and Elizabeth was purring so he allowed it

You were talking about her breed when Jaehee came walking into the living room

Immedietly triggered by the way Jumin is not only smiling at you, but the fact that he’s letting you touch Elizabeth

“Oh, hello Mr Han, I see you’ve met my friend MC.”

Jaehee has friends?

He kinda wants to stay and talk about cats with you, but he had a plane to catch, so he leaves Elizabeth in Jaehee’s care and turns to leave

“Bye Jumin, have a good flight, nice to meet you!” You called after him, waving.

He awkwardly waved back before turning and walking away

This was a strange feeling

He spent his entire trip thinking about you

It was honestly an inconvenience for him, and he did not appreciate the fact that thoughts of you made a weird feeling happen in his stomach

Not having it

When he got back, he had the driver stop by Jaehee’s to pick up Elizabeth

He refused to admit to himself it was because he wanted to see you, but he was a bit disappointed when you weren't there

He didn’t see you for quite a while, and he had almost managed to get you out of his head, when he heard a familiar voice in the office

For a moment he thought he imagined it, until he looked up and saw you standing near his office looking lost

He was out of his chair before he really knew what he was doing, then he stopped and composed himself before walking out to you

You were asking one of his workers for directions to Jaehee’s office when you saw him

You immediately smiled and walked over, happily greeting him

He could see the surprised looks on the employees as he greeted you and offered to walk you to Jaehee’s office

You chatted with him asking about his day and his cat, and he was pleasantly surprised at how he actually enjoyed talking to you

You didn’t talk to him like he was some big CEO, or a trust fund kid, or your boss, you just talk to him and smiled

He liked your smile

The talk was cut short then Jaehee found the two of you, giving a strange look between her boss and best friend

She’d never seen him look at someone like that, other than Elizabeth

“Ok...come on MC, time to go!”

She skirting you the fuck out of there

Jumin is strugglin

If he thought his little crush was bad before, it was excruciating now

But he didn’t seem to mind it as much

He just wanted to talk to you

But he only knew you through Jaehee

So suddenly he became even more present in his assistants life

Randomly stopping by her desk

Calling her for seemingly no reason

She drew the line when he started showing up at her house for vague business related things

“Mr Han. Why do you keep coming here.” She sighed, it was 10 at night and he had interrupted one of Zens videos

“I need you to sign this.”

“And that cant wait till tomorrow in the office?”

“I suppose it could, I figured you would just want to get some work done.”

“...Mr Han why do you keep coming here?”

He admits he wants to talk to you

Jaehee dies a little inside

Why is this happening

But she cant hide from him the fact that you have been talking about him as well

She agrees to give him your phone number if he will leave her alone

She cant believe she just set up her boss with her best friend

What has life come to?

707/ Saeyoung-

God he’s such a spaz (the ideal boi tbh)

If he had a crush the whole world and his crush would know it

He met you at a coffee shop, him and Saeran were waiting for drinks when you came walking out of the back room, in a little apron with the coffee shops logo on it

He falls out of his chair

“ohmygodsearan look at her! She’s like a star princess and I’m the star prince and were gonna fly off into the stars and-”

“Get off the ground what’s wrong with you? And lower your voice the whole god damn place can hear you!”

He can see you biting back a smile as you call out his and his brothers names

They go get their coffees and, but he’s pulled off by his brother before anything can be said to you

He’s about to complain, before he sees on his cup you had crossed out his name and written star prince in it’s place with a little heart

Literally screams

From then on he goes to your coffee shop all the time

Boi becomes a regular and he’s known for relentlessly flirting with you every time he comes in

He always has a new pick up line and you always have a new name for his cup

He tired to collect the cups but Vanderwood nearly tased him for the mess it made

Speaking of Vanderwood, that boi knows all about you

Him and Saeran never escape his ramblings about you

Unlike the rfa who can just leave the chatroom, his voice is inescapable

He cant help it tho

At first he was just thinking you were cute, but the more he actually talked to you, the more he liked you

You laugh at his jokes and make puns back at him and he just thinks you’re so sweet

You like him too, but he’s never actually asked for your number or anything, so you’re not sure if he’s ever gonna go past just playful flirting

It actually takes the help of Saeran to get you two together

It was one of the rare moments when Saeran wasn’t out with his brother, but he still ended up in your coffee shop, mostly out of habit

You smiled when you saw him, greeting him and getting started on his normal drink

He watched you work, and you made pleasant conversation with him despite his short answers

Saeyoung had been kinda down lately, he had fallen back into one of his depressive states, so he hadn’t been in for a while, but he simply told you he was sick when you asked

He really did want his brother to be happy, and even though he acted like an idiot, he really did like you

So he decided to help his brother out

“Here,” he handed you a slip of paper, “Saeyoung has been feeling...under the weather, he would love to hear from you. I know he’s a fucking dork, but he really does like you so...be nice.”

He grabbed his drink and immediately left you with the phone number, a small smile on your lips

You would never have been able to guess the volume of the scream that came from Saeyoungs room when he got that text

Vanderwood looked at Saeran

“What have you done...”

V/ Jihyun-

He’s so soft

Thinks you’re so sweet and cute and wants to hold your hand

Blushes so hard whenever you’re around

You work at an art gallery that frequently shows his paintings and he just loves how you’re so passionate about your work

You complement him on his art, and he’s out for the rest of the day, boi cant handle it

Jumin’s the only one who knows about his crush

He had gone with V to unveil some of his art, and immediately noticed how his friend was acting off

He was kinda spacey

Looking around, fidgeting with his hair and clothes

Then you walked in, and Jumin watched as his friend was instantly drawn to you

He was almost inching his way towards you, trying to make it look causal

But he just looked very nervous

Then you noticed him and came over to say hi and introduce yourself to Jumin

V is smiling at you looking all love sick

And Jumin just has this shit eating grin on his face cause he knows what’s goin on

He excuses himself to let you and V be alone but it doesn’t last long cause boi quickly gets shy being alone with you and goes back to join Jumin

You just make him nervous

He’s not used to feeling this way, its been a while and he just doesn’t know how to act

“That was quite a display.” Jumin smirked

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh please, everyone in that art museum can see how much you like that girl.”

That just makes him more nervous around you

Can you tell??

Do you know how much he likes you???

He starts associating you with painting, and he ends up painting you

Quite a few times actually

Then he feels like a creep

So he paints over them

Then the whole thing just starts again

It would take him so long to confess to you if you didn’t make the first move

Cause my boi is just so insecure

Some one just give him a hug pls he needs it

Saeran-

You know how when little boys get a crush they pick on them and tease them?

Well this boi is always pulling on your pigtails

Because of his brother, he hangs around the rfa a lot, so he sees you a lot

And he does not appreciate how you make him nervous

Or how you can talk to him so easily while he gets chocked up and can barely say hi

And he really doesn’t like how you make him blush

So he’s so grumpy around you

But you’re still nice to him and it just makes him more grumpy cause he ends up feeling bad for being so grumpy

Seven notices right away

“Awww does my little brother have a little crush on MC? That’s so cute!”

“Shut the fuck up.”

He slowly gets over the whole angry crush thing when he realizes he cant keep being mean to you

His therapist keeps telling him to let people in, and that if he likes you he should show his feelings rather than push them away

So he makes an effort to be nicer to you

He hangs around you when the rfa gets together

And he participates in the conversations that you always try to have with him

And you guys become actual friends

And you hang out with him and his brother outside of the rfa get togethers

And he’s regretting his life choices because now it’s so much harder for him to ignore his little crush on you

And Seven is always teasing him

He’s triggered

He’ll basically just go through periods of pushing you away then letting you back in then pushing you away again

But you know how hard things are for him, and you continue to be so nice

And he just wants to be with you all the time

Life is hard

He tried to show his feelings for you, but it always come out wrong

Boi tried to make you dinner, sets a fire in the bunker

Tried to buy you a present, got angry while trying to wrap it and broke it

Tries to ask you out on a date but gets embarrassed and accidentally ends up kicking you out of his house

It be like that sometimes

And Seven is just so over watching his brother be an idiot, even if it does make for good teasin material

So he takes things into his own hands

He invited you over to watch a movie with him and his brother, picked out a film with a pretty long sex scene, then mysteriously disappears

Saeran is mortified

His face is as red as his brothers hair and your sitting next to him with the same wide eyed panicked look while some actress moans excessively on the screen

He doesn’t know what to do so he just gets up and leaves

So you there just watching porn in their living room alone

Of course thats when Vanderwood makes his appearance

Saeran didn’t see you for a while after that incident

Until Seven dragged him to an rfa lunch and you were there and you looked so cute and you still smiled and talked to him even after what had happened

So finally, he just gathers up the courage and blurts out

“Do you want to go get ice cream with me!”

It was more of a loud statement than a question and his face is so red and his hands are shaking

But you’re smiling at him and holding his hand and you’re so soft and warm

“I’d love to Saeran.”

EDIT- i did Vanderwoods too so here it is!!

God im so in love with these boi’s

thanks for reading!!

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sup4l3e · 4 years ago

Text

I’m Crazy...

I’m insane...

I've lost the plot..

I'm hopeless..

I'm worthless..

I'm unloveable..

I'm pathetic..

I'm weird..

I'm strange..

I'm not okay...

I'm a psycho... (ok this one for me might be true... question it, go on try it! i dare you! ;0 lol)

BUT...

I AM!!!

Those are just some of the things my own mind tells me on a daily basis ... yes here it comes a blog about anxiety and depression... omg!! i know right the cliche of it all. like who hasnt written a blog about depression before ...

oh woe is me! am i right?

well... thats where you're wrong!

(before i start i want no sympathy im not writing this for the "aww's" and the "bless her" comments, i dont want sympathy or empathy ... this is simply because ive experienced and lived with depression for about 14 years and if i can help one person feel better about themselves by reading this or help someone realise that they are not alone then, well, i can rest easy tonight. If anything i want to empower people)

I lived for so many years in the dark, keeping all of this too myself and you know what it did? absolutely sweet FA apart from making me so much worse, it gave ammunition to those little voices, telling me all of the above, making them win!

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago that talking about my experiences and how im feeling would help.

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago how many other people around me were going through the EXACT same thing.

Two and a half years ago i was a completely different person, i was sheltered, i was in a very toxic relationship ... with myself. Most people would disagree, they'd say i was actually in a toxic relationship with my ex partner; but i cant blame him. Dont get me wrong he was toxic and looking back i was lucky to get out when i did, however i am also grateful too him, because he showed me exactly what i dont want in my life. and being fair to him i'd lived with my own toxicity in my mind for a good 10 years before him, so god forbid i'd give him the satisfaction of all that praise coz by god did i do a damned good number on myself without any of his help. ;)

In all honestly though, i do blame myself and my own mind, because 2 and a half years ago those little voices in my own head were the only thing i was listening to, they were winning. I wasnt listening to my family who were worried sick about me, who were practically begging me to tell them what was going on in my head, who i shut out, ignored and pushed away because i couldnt cope and you know what? they didnt deserve that at all. i live everyday regretting that i put them through that, So i now live everyday hoping to make them proud of me and live each and everyday with a promise. I do however live every day regretting that i didnt let them in earlier because if i had of i wouldnt have gone through the hell i did and i wouldnt have genuinely believed "this is what i deserve" "no-one else will love you" "no-one else wants you" "no-one cares"... i wouldnt have had too live a LIE.

The lie was people did love me, i just couldnt see it, people did care about me, i just wouldnt hear it, i needed their help, i just wouldnt speak it; because at that point in time my own mind was telling me that i didnt deserve any of that, and that nobody would ever want to do that for me. So i found sactuary in a toxic person who in the long run made me the strong person i am today because if it werent for him i'd never have the confidence in myself knowing what i overcame, and if it werent for him i wouldnt have seen my family and loved ones take charge and say "Leanne enough is enough" .. they gave me the metaphorical slap across the face i damned well needed and brought me back to reality, they categorically wouldnt allow that behaviour to carry on anymore and for that i will forever be grateful!

i made a promise to them that day that i would always tell them when i was getting low again and i made a promise to myself that day that i would keep them in the forefront of my mind in all of my decisions and i would also promise to try and help anyone else who was ever in the same position i was in.

depression is a funny old thing, everyone will experience some form of depression throughout their life, some people are genetically wired to experience it, some people will experience it from a young age, some dont experience it until very late on in life, some experience it from sad/happy/overwhelming life events, some unlucky souls just never find happiness. but no matter what EVERYONE will, at somepoint experience depression. in this blog im going to try and explain how i've learned to manage and cope with mine.

A bit of a backstory of my depression, it started around the age of 14-15, my depression. I dont know where it came from but it was right around the time of my GCSE's, college, boys, hormones, and being diagnosed with PCOS (for those of you who dont know what that is its Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) i was told at a young age of 14 that i had some sort of syndrome which "would only matter when i got older", and that i had some of the prettiest ovaries the sonographer and gyneacologist had ever seen... in hindsight that wasnt going to be the compliment i first thought it was or the dismissive statement they portrayed it and brushed it off as, at all! THAT diagnosis changed alot of my life, however i will get back to that.

As most teens do around here I started studying for my GCSE's at just 15 years old. i was so stressed out i started actually hearing a screaming voice in my head. i suffered panic attacks daily, sometimes a few attacks a day, and that is where my anxiety started and then, good old depression smashed me in the face. i found the more stressed i became, the more id hear that screaming inside my head which then lead me to thinking " holy fucking shitballs im hearing voices im actually insane" therefore leading to more anxiety and panic attacks. so much so i would come home exhausted at 4pm everyday crawl into my pyjamas and climb into bed ready to do it all again the following day. (dont get me wrong i sat most nights on msn using the latest flashing emojis for EACH and EVERY letter of the alphabet, to the point it looked more like hyroglyphics and obviously getting the colours just right with the codes to make your name and status show in a rainbow. but that was all done in pj's curled up in bed because i couldnt manage much else ... however, if my mam asks i was revising and doing my homework THE. WHOLE. TIME, not talking to my friends about how hot a certain crush's bum looked that day ha! am i right! :P xoxo)

This was all a massive thing for me to go through aswell, due to the fact my dad has mental health issues and lives with schizophrenia, so, naturally at this point, you can imagine i was picturing myself in padlocked straight jackets and padded cells, talking away to the screaming voice in my head. the funniest thing was this screaming voice wasnt saying anything nasty or bad it was just my thoughts screaming at me like everything was angry, so genuinely just everyday life thoughts but those screaming at me, like, imagine thinking "leanne dont forget to pack your PE kit" but in the voice of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman from Full Metal Jacket... it. was. TERRIFYING!

Anyways, so yes high school was a massive contributor, then i made the choice to leave college at 17 because i, like many others, didnt have the faintest clue what i wanted to be when i grew up (little did i know id live the life of peter pan and neverland would be my sesh house OIOI!!!) In leaving college i went into full time work, as a 'temp job' until i decided what i was going to do... unfortunately, 8 and a half years later i was still their prisoner! haha, Nah, dont get me wrong i met some absolutely amazing people in that job and i did love it but i knew at the end, if i didnt get out it was going to kill me off. I'd gotten to the point in that job that i cried myself to sleep knowing i had to go back in the next day. that place contributed alot to my depression not because it was a bad job but because id made a wrong decision and was stuck there. i had to leave.

my next massive contributor, and this is where i divulge some of my REAL heartbreaks. PCOS - Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome or what i like to call Poly fucking Cystic fucking Ovary fucking Syndrome or "lets just fuck shit up!" (no im not bitter about it at all lol) because of this shit, from the very young age of 14 (like puberty isnt hard enough - spots, hair in places you never wanted boobs growing overnight, bleeding once a month being the biggest inconvenience) i have also had to deal with weight issues, hersuitism, depression, anxiety, hormones that sent me bat shit crazy, pain, headaches, fatigue, you name it i had it. but the biggest heartbreak, being told that id always have difficulty concieving and carrying a child. Anyone who knows me, and knows me well, knows i have always wanted to be a mam. (and not the sesh mam who looks after all my drunken idiotic friends on a night out ... coz i swear thats all they ever think i do lol) I mean a real mam, to a real baby. and being told at a young age that i had the prettiest ovaries the gyneacologist had ever seen wasnt the compliment i thought it was because it turned out my ovaries were absolutely covered in cysts. And for years i have tried to have a baby but alas nothing ever happens. i've had a few close calls and ive miscarried, or at least i think i did, the test came back positive but then about 3 days after that pretty pink second line, i had the heaviest period i had ever had for around 4 hours and then my body went back to normal as if nothing happened. it broke my heart.

They say the human body is delicate and intricate and should be treated with respect... i say its a machine and its a absolute twat at times, and why should i respect what in essence has caused me heartbreak from a young age FOR NO FUCKING REASON. but hey ho... life. goes. on.

so... thats my life story or just a snippet of it. and some of the reasons why i have depression.

heres how i cope...

Well, for a long time.. and i mean a VERY LONG time i didnt. i hid it, i hid away from the world. i drank alot. i avoided family, i avoided my best friends, i avoided anything that would have brought me back to reality.

For a long time though, thats what i needed. now im not saying running away from your issues is easy and thats what you should do because its definitely not. im saying i NEEDED to do it at the time because i had no other way of coping and i NEEDED too to learn what not to do in the future. So masking, for me, was better than facing things 'alone'. In that time though, i made my issues alot worse and in fact caused more issues. it hurt my family, my friends and well hurt myself too, because in the long run i still had to sober up and i still had to deal with the same issues that got me down in the first place, i ended up in debt which contributed further too my issues. I did some very silly things which when i look back on them now i could have hurt so many people. i took an overdose of painkillers at one point around 2 and a half years ago. I felt so weak i saw no other outcome but instantly regretted doing it and made myself sick so that they came back up. i've told my mother and close friends about this previously but i think to really show how much i've learned and to reach out to anyone who is feeling the same way i did, to tell them IT REALLY DOES GET BETTER AND EASIER. i think saying that, shows my honesty throughout this post and allows for my experience and honesty really show that i want to help anyone going through the same thing.

Masking just makes the pain go away for a short period of time. learning from your pain and making it your strength is how you really overcome your own mind and depression.

It wasnt until i realised i was never alone, just how selfish and stupid id been all that time, because in masking, hiding and running away, id stupidly stopped myself from a faster recovery, less heartache, less pain and mental and physical torture. and really i stopped myself from helping others in the same position as me.

it wasnt until i learned to make my pain my strength that i truly found peace in who i am.

i still have days where those voices wont shut up, and they win and thats ok.

i still have days where i cannot climb out of bed and thats ok.

i still have days where i cry and the pain is too much and thats ok.

because i learned all of it really is ok! everyone has those same thoughts the same feelings the same illnesses. and i know that tomorrow WILL be a better day.

you just need to learn how to make it and own it as your own!

nothing has changed for me, all of those things are still true they're still real, my body hasnt miraculously healed itself, i still made poor life choices, it hasnt changed my hormonal imbalances but it has changed my mindset. it has changed my life. i made a choice to change my mindset and not let it beat me i decided to let people in. my family are my guardian angels because they never gave up on me, they dragged it out of me and frogmarched me to the doctors for the help i needed but some people dont have that support in their lives.

i'm lucky enough now, to have lived with this for long enough to know my signs, and when i know what i call, "going dark" is coming. basically when i start slipping and losing control of it again, i identify it and know how to manage it head on. unfortunately my body because of the stupid "intricate machine" i have and how broken it is (believe me the day i can swap out into an AI robot body imma sign straight up for that shit imma have me a body like Jennifer Anniston) my body however tends to go into a meltdown, i end up with more migraines, pain and infections. i also get extremely tired to the point i can sleep for a good 15-20 hours a day and thats not me being lazy (although if sleeping were an olympic sport i'd be the universal champion of it BED=LIFE) thats really me needing to reset. at that point in time when i know this is coming, thats when i reach out; i tell my friends and my family "I'm not okay" because i know now i can do that, i can talk to them.

i, personally, take medication daily, and for some reason we live in a society where people are actually shamed for doing so. i know if i dont take those 2 little tablets every day i will lose control and become a shell of who i really am. my seratonin levels drop and i practically become a robot barely functioning. so why should i be ashamed of those 2 little 'happy pills' which make me the person i want to be and know i truly am! no chemical imbalance is going to get the better of me! if i can have the help, im damned sure going to take it. along with the happy pills, aswell as alot of sleep, sunbeds, spending time with family and friends whenever i possibly can, i now have a job that i love, i also retrained as a beautician, and i love going to the gym and swimming whenever i can, ive found i can manage mine alot better. one thing that massively changed my life was limitting when i drink. i rarely go out drinking anymore and the reason is because i know deep down i will end up in a very low state afterwards. alcohol is a depressant and i wont allow that kind of thing to get me down. so now instead i choose to drink once a month if not less. i havent cut out the drink completely i just know if i want to get blinding drunk i need to be in a very happy place to do so. so i am careful where i drink, who i drink with and what i do whilst im drinking and unfortunately much to my neighbours disgust that tends to be in the house whilst singing along to whitney houston or disney songs at the top of my lungs, but thats how i know i'll not plummet the day after, and lets face it anyone whose heard me singing knows whitney had nothing on me ;)

In all seriousness though, the best advice i can give anyone living with depression is talk to someone, talk to your family, talk to your neighbour, talk to your friends, talk to your doctor, talk to your dog, your cat, the postman, the man on the bus who sits oddly close too you... just talk to anyone. tell them how you are feeling tell them your experiences. tell them what is getting to you. Find someone who you can trust, find a stranger. write it all down in a blog. video it. GET IT ALL OFF YOUR CHEST! SAY IT OUT LOUD! Just. Bloody. Talk! please!

everyones experiences with depression are different some people mask it, some people show it, some people (like me now) shout it from the fucking rooftops because im not afraid of my emotions anymore.

everyones ways of coping are different too, some people find the gym helps, some rely on medication, some rely on talking therapies... there are so many different ways of coping out there now... the only way that doesnt work is not admitting something is wrong and fighting your own mind without help, knowing something isnt right but still doing nothing about it. The only way of not coping is living a lie, you dont have to do this alone!

Basically do those things just for you, the ones you've always wanted to do! get that tattoo you wanted, quit your job, retrain, change your hair colour, buy that car, buy that dog, book that holiday.

do what makes YOU happy!

live for you and open up, people would rather know how you are feeling than see you struggle or ultimately not be here.

open up you never know someone might be feeling the exact same way you are and it could bring you closer.

but remember most importantly:

You ARE NOT Alone..

You ARE NOT Crazy..

You ARE NOT insane..

You HAVE NOT lost the plot..

You ARE NOT hopeless..

You ARE NOT worthless..

You ARE NOT unloveable..

You ARE NOT pathetic..

You ARE NOT weird..

You ARE NOT a psycho..

You ARE NOT strange..

And..

You ARE okay...

You ARE Beautiful..

You ARE Worth it..

YOU ARE Loved

i hope this helps...

thank you ☺

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throwing-summers-at-the-walls · 5 years ago

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Hi, i hope you are feeling good! Im better than yesterday so i can finally answer you. First of all: i am so happy that you shared your fanfiction! i had a great time reading it! Im always open for more recs. Maybe your all time favorites? Or if you know some good h/c these are always welcome :) And YESSS please send me a link to your fanvids. -- yeah 13rw was super cursed. haha i also watched season 1 but thankfully i was able to sto watching becaue i could feel it making me feel bad (1)

I agree the suicide scene was just cringe (but i think i remember reading somewhere that they cut it out? idk) and overall this show just gave me the feeling that there was no hope and things are always getting worse instead of better and i hated that. but enough of that cursed show. can i just say i really admire how open you are about your feelings (like being suicidal and that) i realy, really admire this about you. i have so much respect for you that you can just share your feelings here (2)

I have never heard of ace attorney but that story you described sounds really good. and i get reading sth that isnt good for you and still doing it (because im a dumb bitch too :D) -- okay i might accept that Root will never grow on you (but i thought so too and look at me now :D) but i havent fully given up yet :)-- yes thats the girl. i think it was really sweet when she said that to Shaw. and i think Shaw appreciated it that someone tried to figure her out instead of just writting her off (3)

Shaw is really cool and definately also a badass and in combination with John its just great! but you will have to suffer trough some Shoot. but maybe, maybe you will end up not hating Root. hope dies last (idk how the saying goes in english, sorry). -- Did you ever ship Caresse (in a romantic way)? cause sometimes i do and sometimes i dont and i get so confused about it :) but i think most of the time i like them more as friends. anyway her death really sucked and you are right with (4)

her death and them losing the library it felt like a different show (i mean i guess it was a different show then). i kinda get your feelings about the destroyed library because i also really loved it (and im really bad with change) but i dont think it affected me as much as you. but yeah i still missed the library very much. and while the subway is a really cool new place its not the same. (also the subway is super dark cause its underground and idk it just makes the whole thing less homey) (5)

Yes he is everything! such a great, interesting character and i wish there were more John-centric episodes! (like ones that explored his character more). that was one of my biggest dislikes of the later seasons that John wasnt featured as much anymore. i think he chuckled a few times in the show but a real laugh? i cant remember one :( -- He did promise Joss to talk to Tyler so @show were is that talk? -- if seen the vid its awesome! thehiddenmemory has some great poi vids! (6)

yes i think so too. Like Grace would probably be relived and thankful that Harold is still alive and maybe they would even try again but eventually she would figure out that she cant trust him after lying to him for so long or sth like that and Harold would ofc realize that he is in love with someone else now. And then he finds out that John is still alive but stayed away cause he didnt want to get in the way of Harold/Grace. But then Harold comes back. And when they meet again John is like (7)

you came back for the machine? what about Grace. But Harold tells him he came back for John not the machine and then they kiss and have a happy live with Bear (sorry i got a little carried away here :D). -- Yeah Zoe is really hot and she needed more screen time! -- i hope you have a good day and i hope i havent messed up the numbers on the asks! :)

Hi ! I'm finally free from the resits, I hope you're doing okay with your thesis 💛

Sorry for replying late, there was the exam resits, and I read a bunch of fics, then I fell into pokémon and started bingewatching it. (Also I had a breakdown during therapy today so I'm gonna finish writing my answer to distract myself - it's been sitting in my drafts for so long rip)

Thank you !! It was a very personal thing, I'm really happy you liked it !! Your support and your comment made me thrive 💛💛

Tbh I was surprised to see it get kudos given that the only intended audience was my self projecting ass 🤣

So, my fav fics (my fav fic ever is in French, rip to y'all bc it's so good):

I am, I am, I am by RavenWhitecastle

Actually check the entire series this work belongs to: The Sinner and the Saint. I haven't finished it yet but I love it (I just skipped the explicit fics bc I don't like smut or sub!John)

Breaking All The Rules by talkingtothesky

Outsider Perspective by Neery

A Really Private Person by astolat

Hamartia (the hero's fatal flaw) by astolat

If Only for Tonight by spacemutineer

From Here, Where? by AKMars

Stroll by TheaNishimori

and the world was gone by lunarcorvid

a light that never goes out by vindicatedtruth

Limitations. by Michaelssw0rd

Reel you in and spit you out by Michaelssw0rd

All I Want For Christmas Is You by richmahogany

By What Power I Am Made Bold by brinnanza

Aftershocks by darringtons

At Certain Hours It All Breaks Down by nogoaway

construction of a kingdom by the_ragnarok

You Take Me Higher Than I've Gone by talkingtothesky

All Together Now by beadedslipper

I'll Let the Waters Still by brinnanza

Birthday Tradition by talkingtothesky

Things My Father Taught Me by KRyn

Truth is in the Eye of the Beholder by infiniteeight

Better Luck This Time by Lisztful

Motivations by JenNova

What's On the Table by cortue

In Another Life by Della19

I Thought We Already Were by talkingtothesky

Misunderstandings by thisstarvingartist

This is already fucking long omg so for the h/c: my bookmarks filtered with Rinch and h/c

Here's my playlist, it's mostly Rinch, but there are a few not Rinch vids, plus some scenes I like

This is long enough already, so it's time for a read more. Also, warning, we be talking about suicide

The portrayal of suicide is cringe most of the time anyway. If my suicidal ass can find a list of suicide methods and their lethality in 2 mins on Google you'd think writers who are supposed to do some research would be able to find them too but no they're like "ah yes slicing wrists" even though it's literally the shittiest method 🙄 (I just don't understand why slicing wrists seems to be such a popular method in the collective imagination ? It's weird.) At least in 13rw she took aspirin and cut herself vertically instead of horizontally but still, no hesitation wounds, and she dies even though she only got 4 wounds iirc ? I know more about jumping off bridges than slicing wrists, but it kinda sounds like bullshit to me. Also Netflix once suggested "beyond the reasons" to me, it's a sort of discussion with the cast and crew of 13rw and the only thing I remember is a moment of intellectual masturbation abt how they "opened a discussion abt suicide" 😬😬😬

They may have cut it out it's not impossible, idk I didn't hear about it, but it's not like I look for info about this dumpster fire lol. Maybe they faced backlash ? Wouldn't be surprised given how shit the show was. And yeah it has a hopeless vibe, I mean that's how it be when you're suicidal, but I didn't like it either.

You're sweet 💜💜 it's interesting that you find it respectable or admirable, I don't have an external point of view, so I'm just like 🤷 it is what it is. I understand where you're coming from though, I guess it's still quite a taboo subject, and suicidal people don't always feel comfortable talking about it, so me throwing around that I jumped off a bridge must be surprising. I'm detached enough from my suicide attempt that I'm able to talk about it without much of a problem, and I'm not really suicidal anymore.

Dumb bitches unite 👏👏👏 we be out there reading shit we shouldn't read

Yeah I think it's nice how the show didn't portray Shaw as a bad person for not having "normal feelings". Well, hope makes one live as we say in French (idk the English saying either lol) but don't hold much hope about me liking Root lmao

I used to ship careese bc they kissed in the crossing, but then I read some Rinch fics and I just ended up falling into it to the point where I stopped caring about careese. Now I think their relationship works better as a friendship.

Yeah all that change really puts me off... It just gives me "bad spin-off" vibes. Especially since there is less John :( and less Rinch :((((

Lmao yeah I just have a lot of feelings about early poi hgkfglrk. Also :/ I'm sad about the subway being less homey pls I just want happiness ?? I swear this show destroys my heart on top of owning my last braincell (brb changing my blog title to this lmao)

Mood I need all the John-centric eps, give me m o r e characterization and development and backstory and feelings hhhhhhh. I love him so much I just wanna spend more time with him. And that's what fics are for ! Yeah thehiddenmemory is so talented ! Astolat made some good ones too, on top of writing really good fics ! (Our fandom has been blessed with the presence of one of the ao3 founders hell yeah)

Also, remember how we talked abt the poi subreddit ? The other day I left a comment on there, wild I know. It wasn't a discussion about the last seasons though, I'm not crazy, it was about the impact poi had in our lives so I said it literally taught me English. Who knows maybe sometimes I'll comment again lol. I just don't wanna meet one of those people who prefer late poi over early poi.

Allow me to uuuuh write something based on what you said. Don't ask me how John survived with no major injuries, my man got that Thick Plot Armor alright. Hope you appreciate me getting carried away sjdkdksk it's kinda rushed and the first part isn't that good bc idk how to write Grace I'm just here for that sweet sweet Rinch stuff

Harold is eating breakfast with Grace in her kitchen – he can't think of her home as his home – when his phone vibrates. It's a text from the machine. It's a surprise, she barely contacted him since... He blocks the thoughts and the images coming to his mind. The machine sent him a picture. When he opens it, his heart misses a beat. Right here on his screen is a silhouette he thought he would never see again. His phone vibrates again. Another picture, this time it's unmistakably John, wearing his signature suit, Bear next to him. Transfixed, he stares at his phone until he feels Grace gently touching his arm. She goes straight to the point.

"Is it John ?" He looks up in confusion, but before he can say anything, she adds, "I hear you call him in your sleep every night."

"It's him, yes." He doesn't want to explain. He only wants to see John, to touch him, to tell him how much he loves him.

"You should go back to him. I like you, Harold. I am deeply relieved to see you alive. But I've been thinking, and... It's not working. This, us... You aren't really the man I fell in love with, the man I grieved... I can't trust you anymore." She doesn't say 'You lied to me' but Harold hears it all the same.

Harold sits on their bench. The machine indicated John often comes here. Soon enough, his arms are full of Bear, and John is standing in front of him.

"John. How are you ?" he asks when Bear finally calms down.

"Busy. And you ?"

Harold eyes him suspiciously – John once said he was busy when he was bleeding and way too close to death – but he seems to be well.

"I'm fine." He doesn't have time for awkward small talk." I thought you were dead. Why didn't you contact me ?"

"The machine told me you were with Grace. I thought you wanted to come back to your previous life. I didn't want to crash into it and ruin what you had."

Harold wants to be angry at him, but he understands. He did the same with Grace.

"You would never ruin anything. Besides, my relationship with Grace... didn't survive my lies. She's very dear to my heart, but she's a part of my previous life, as you said."

"So you came back for the machine, and the numbers, like the good old times ?"

Harold gets up from the bench.

"I came back for you. You are an important part of my life. The most important part."

John smiles, finally. He takes a step towards Harold, they're so close they could kiss. Harold reaches out, grips his shirt and slowly inches closer. He's still afraid of being rejected but John wraps his arm around him and kisses him. The kiss is over too soon. John's smile is even wider when they part.

"You're the most important part of my life too," he says before kissing Harold again. "You will stay ?"

"Always."

Damn I live for sappy Rinch stuff.

Bitches decided that Harold saying "always" is peak Rinch. It's me I'm bitches.

Also ofc I had to make a reference to number crunch, who do you think I am

Anyway. I hope you have a good day ! 💛

#half valid anon

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stranglyy · 6 years ago

Text

Bond ( Mike Wheeler x Reader)

prompt; basically the reader’s dad owns an auto repair shop, and she stole one of the cars to help the party out with El and ends up getting grounded. To apologize, after being ignored on the walkie talkies all day, Mike climbs into her room late at night to fix things.

(plus the party comes to help.)

“You’re grounded.”

All at once, emotions you didn’t believe could mix without contradicting fueled in your gut as you laid on your bed with a scowl while writing in your journal, constantly pausing to wipe at your eyes as you refused to let any satisfaction come to whoever bestowed this future upon you.

Grounded. You, A’s and B’s, always behaving in school, never a single detentions, suspension or expulsion, nothing. Grounded, grounded, grounded!

“Ugh! This is so.. unbelievably fair!” You shouted to yourself as you rolled off your bed and sat at your desk, staring at the computer with a glare. Normally you’d be playing mine sweeper or even trying to see how many times you could make the calculator hit a dead end with an error by dividing by zero or spamming the numbers.

Hell you wouldn’t even be locked up in your home/auto-mechanic shot if you hadn’t stolen that car from the shop. You wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t met Will in third grade, and you decinetely wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for-

“[Name]?? [Name], it’s me-“

Mike.

“Mike..” You mumbled bitterely glancing to the Walkie-talkie placed on the shelf above your desk, listening to the static ring now in the channel. Maybe he’d given up-

“[Name]! I know you’re on this channel, I just wanted to check in. Please answer me.”

“Just leave..” You mumbled as though he could hear you, standing and grabbing the talkie before sitting on your bed. You sat and picked at the spine of your notebook, the spiral untangled and poking out easily scraping your arm inbetween classes and even in the class itself.

“[Name] I’m not leaving until you answer.”

You let out a grumble as you continued to listen to his pleading as you fiddled with useless objects, listening to him chant your name over and over. Finally did you pull out the long antenna and press the red button did you speak to the curly haired boy.

“[Name], [Name],[Name]-“

“Mike, shut up. I’m not in the mood for more of your bullshit.”

He interjected before you could even disconnect from the channel.

“[Name], please! I’m worried, you didn’t come to school today, and.. I saw how mad your dad was at you last night and just- I’m sorry.”

“Mike sorry doesn’t remove me from my house. I’m grounded for two weeks because of your- dumb shenanigans with Eleven!”

“They’re not dumb-“

“I dont care what you think they are! I’m done being around just for your convenience, goodbye, Michael.”

And with that you switched to a blank channel and lowered the antenna with a frown. You felt tired, angry, sad. You needed to just let these feelings out. You slammed your head onto the biggest pillow you had and let out a throat-tearing scream as you felt the tears make marks on your pillow. You probably just ruined everything between you and Mike and the party..

“You just insulted the guy you like, idiot..and lost one of your best friends most likely..” You mumbled to yourself rolling onto your side before closing your eyes trying to fall asleep.

“Guys.. what do I do?” Mike panicked with two hands pulling through his curly hair as he paced between his friends in his basement with wide eyes.

“Mike, chill! [Name] can’t be that mad at you!” Lucas said brushing the issue off before turning to grab another slice of pizza.

“She called me Michael.” Mike deadpanned with a sad glare as he collapsed onto a bean bag, draping an arm over his eyes.

“It’s hopeless... she’ll never forgive me.”

“Mike.. don’t give up.” A soft voice came from across the room, causing Mike to shoot up and stare at El with as much shock as everyone else in his basement.

“She likes you, alot Mike.. You need to do this in person, not behind a speaker..” Eleven said softly, offering him a small smile.

“El’s right, Mike. Go see your damsel in distress, we’ll cover for you.” Lucas added with a grin, getting a nod of agreement of some form from everyone.

Mile nodded with a small smile and ran up the steps and out the door, his heart sounding in his ears as he ran to his garage and snatched his bike off the ground before pedalling down the street with a determined stare as he saw your house upcoming. You two didn’t live too far but no matter where you were, if you weren’t together, you’d seem like you were never here. You were somewhere miles and miles away, beyond oceans.

With heavy breaths he threw his bike down into your yard and bent down to pick up rocks, collecting them in his pockets, he began throwing them at your window with a wide stare. Eventually he ran out and as he searched around, he stiffened at the bump against his head as he loked to your window to see you peeking out and watching him on your lawn.

“[Name]-!”

“I thought I made myself clear, Michael.” You said with a glare.

“[Name].. I understand, and I’m sorry...I was being a douche and an idiot thinking we’d get off scott free because we made you steal one of your dad’s cars.. I understand why you’re mad, but talking this out in person rather than over a talkie or even avoiding eachother won’t resolve this.. so please let me in? I want to fix this..” He said genuinely, giving you a sweet smile.

“Fine.” You huffed with a hesitant stare of your own appearing before you disappeared and came back throwing out the foldable ladder to Mike, waiting on the edge of your bed for him to climb into your room.

He noticed your conflicted expression and sat beside you, placing a hand on your shoulder calmly, “[Name].. can I say something..?”

“You just did, but go ahead.” You chuckled bitterly.

“[Name], since we met in third grade.. I.. I had the best time in life. You got me into DND and you even inspire me with how couragous and bold you are against people who bother us at school, hell even with the demodogs, you beat their ass! I.. I realized how much you meant to me so long ago, and with all this extra conflict I just wanted to make this easy and sit down and tell you. [Name], you changed my life so much, for the better of course, you make me truly happy.. and I was wondering if you wanted to uhm.. go out with me? Because I like.. you.. a lot.” His face flushed red and you smile before grabbing his hands in your own, staring into his brown eyes as he desperately searched yours for an answer.

With a chuckle you pressed your lips to his forming a small chaste kiss, pulling back to reveal a pink tint of your own. Mike swore his heart was about to come out of his throat and explode just then, but he tried to keep his composure.

“Is that a yes..?”

“Yes, Mike.” You said softly, moving a hand through his curls with calm eyes. He smiled now, his grin growing as soon as you called him Mike again.

“Great! Well I was thinking after you get ungrounded, you could uh maybe.. like uhm.. go to this drive-in theater? It’s down near the school and we could bike there together! Unless we have to drive.. but I promise no cars can be involved if they don’t have to be.. uhm..That could be our first-“

“Date..” you finished with a smile hugging him slowly, him taking no hesitation in holding you as well.

“I’d love to Mike, as long as it’s with you, I’m more than happy to..”

“Then if you’re happy? Maybe I can get a few more kisses?” He offered pulling back with a shit wating grin, getting a laugh from you in return.

“[Name] [MiddleName] [Surname]! Why in the world is there a random bike in our lawn?!” Your father shouted, his booming footsteps echoing in the stairwell.

“ShiT-“

#mikewheeler #strangerthings #eleven #dustin #max #lucas #st #mikewheelerxreader #mike wheeler x reader #you #xreader

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itsgonnabe-brian-may · 6 years ago

Text

8 inches...

Welcome to my first fic, I hope you like it :) feel free to critique and give feedback. Also feel free to request or want to be added to my tags lol, Imma try and post like once a week at least. Anyways enjoy and please be kind :) -M

Warnings: fluff // one sexual innuendo // bad writing // a few swears

Ben!Roger Taylor x reader

Word count: 1087

✦✧✦✧

An intense shiver threw you from sleep. It was mid-January and understandably cold, especially in the cheap shithole apartment you called home. Somedays you would have to scrape ice from the inside of the glass panes scattered thoughtlessly throughout the rooms. You assumed they were only there to meet the fire code, but they gave some life to the grey walls, especially in the spring. In reality, spring was only like two months away but it felt like an eternity. Another shiver came from the mound under the blankets in your shared bed. A cold hand found its way under your sweater contacting bare skin causing startling you from your thoughts. Letting out a muffled gasp, the mound that the hand belonged to laughed and pulled you closer. Soon cold limbs found their way onto your bare skin evoking a scream while you tried to get out of Roger's grasp.

"nothing sexual love, just survival" he muttered in your ear whilst pulling you closer. If he was fully awake the sentence would've been an innuendo or something. Still, you squirmed around trying not to have bare skin contact bare skin, it was too damn cold. The two of you laid there in silence for a bit savoring the warmth. It was quite peaceful, which was unheard of in your life. Normal mornings were filled with fighting over the tiny bathroom to get ready or running around to find a pair of shoes that you just HAD to wear with your outfit. Normally Roger would scoff and make some comment about how "They're just shoes Y/N". So you started hiding his shoes and clothing for a matter of fact. Now every cupboard was practically a closet. So the stillness was unusual but welcomed. It didn't last long. Roger shot out of bed faster than a kid on Christmas but wasn't as excited.

"Shit, Shit, Shit" He swore under his breath, pulling off his sweats and pulling on some jeans. "What is it Rog?" you said sitting up in bed still not understanding what was going on all of a sudden. "I promised the boys we could record today, we're almost done with the album," He said pausing for a brief second to look at you. You let out a laugh and threw off the pile of blankets. "They'll understand if your late, we can just blame it on the snow..." You said before looking outside through the small window. Roger joined you standing with his arm on your shoulder. Both of you looked like you had seen a ghost. You truly were going to be late because of the snow. You had never seen so much on the ground. Sure it snowed in London and you've been on ski holiday before, but yesterday there was a thin layer with grass poking out to say hello. Today their hellos were drowned by a thick layer of snow.

"Now I'm going to be really late" Roger sighed and went back to getting dressed. "Well no worries, you have a master shoveler as your girlfriend," You said in a sing-song tone. Your time spent in the Alps had prepared you to handle the elements. Especially snow. You threw on a pair of jeans and a warm sweater and slid on a pair of boots and a light coat. Grabbing gloves and a shovel from the entry closet, you were ready to embark on your shoveling expedition. Normal apartment complexes had a parking garage or someone to shovel, but since you were a poor student and outright refused to have Roger pay more than half of the rent you settled on a cheap place with an open parking lot and lazy landlords along with residents who were pretty much just waiting for someone else to do it. That someone else was you and Roger. Roger shortly joined you in the treck downstairs and outside.

It was way worse than you had originally thought. Normally with heavy snow, it went up to your boot, but today it was at the middle of your calf. Roger let out a hopeless groan, "This is going to take forever Y/N!! I have to be there in half an hour". You laughed and shook your head of snow that had begun to pile up. "You underestimate me, love. You'll be there in no time". Having said that you began shoveling your hearts away. Soon it turned into a competition on who could shovel the fastest. Dividing the parking lot into two and yelling go the race was on. However, neither of you played fair, Roger ended up just pushing all the snow onto your side. You did the same but ended up just throwing it at Roger. Both of you ended up dropping the shovels and throwing the loose powder at each other. At one point you were flung over Rogers' shoulder unexpectedly, letting out a playful scream and attempting to get out of his grasp was hopeless but you struggled anyways. He let out a scream to match yours and tossed you into the snowbank that had just enough snow to make a soft landing. "ROGER!" You yelled as you were now going to be wet for the rest of the day, it was a good thing you didn't really try to do your hair or anything. Roger stood there laughing his ass off at the sight of you sitting in a pile of snow upset. He was snapped out of his fit of laughter when a snowball hit his face straight on, some landing in his mouth. The shocked and angry facial expression quickly melted into a mischevious one as he lunged on top of you pressing you down in the snow further. Your shriek was muffled but your laughter rang out beautifully. Both of you sat in the snow laughing contagiously. Roger decided to spoil the peaceful moment in typical Roger fashion.

"Who knew 8 inches would make you so happy" He quipped with a smirk on his face. You gaped at his comment for a second, "Oi! Don't you have an album to record!" You remarked shoving a handful of snow in his face. With an open hand, he wiped off the snow on his face and joined you on your way to his car.

Needless to say, you showed up late and both of your jeans and hair dripping wet. None of the other boys could comment as you both were laughing your asses off while walking into the studio.

// yall thought this was gonna be nasty, don’t lie to me.

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hey-hey-chan · 6 years ago

Text

Grincherella - Chan

❀ Comedy/fluff/romance with a dash of angst (Cinderella AU)

❀ Word count: 9, 284

❀ It is THAT time of year again, yes, Christmas season and y/n seems to hate everything and anyone who talks about it. Once she is forced to attending a Christmas party, she is forced to sing, onstage, with the cute boy in her psych class. But the thing is: he doesn’t recognize her. Will she finally let go of her troubled past and present or will she let her insecurities haunt her forever?

❀ A/N: ummmm a mix between Cinderella and High School Musical ? idk what i was thinking but i felt nostalgic i guess .,,, this is the longest fic i’ve EVER written pLEASE dont let this flop AHAHAHA /sweats/ but i also feel bad for making u sit through 9k words /sweats again/ so do what u want i guess

P.S I LOVE YOU ALL! this is a treat for you guys who have been missing my writing!! now im on break so im back in the game !!

---------

“MERRY CHRISTMAS!” I suddenly got a puff of snow to the face, which made me crinkle my red nose in disgust. “Y/N!!” I slammed my book shut and glared at the boy.

“What?” Jisung giggled and sat on the bench next to me.

“It’s funny.”

“What’s so funny about throwing wet snow in someone’s face when they’re trying to read.” I pointed at my book exaggeratedly, a signal for him to leave. He didn’t take it.

Jisung fixed his scarf, making sure it knocked into my face as usual. He then proceeded to scooch closer to me, which was the final line. “Jisung? What’s your deal? What do you want?” I finally caved. The boy only came to me when he is bored, wants him, or is bored; all in that order. Don’t get me wrong, he was my best friend, but sometimes I just wanted to punch him in the face.

He chuckled and kicked his feet in the snow. I noted they were adorned with new black snow boots. “I don’t know, I’m just in the Christmas spirit I guess.” I crinkled my nose. “Oh c’mon, I still don’t get why you don’t like Christmas so much. That’s like... illegal.” I rolled my eyes at his exaggeration.

“Just ‘cause everyone else likes it, doesn’t mean I have to.” I slammed my book shut and looked at the boy in the eyes. “So, it would be great if you would stop pestering me about it because you’re not going to change my mind.”

I got up from the bench and started to walk off to my next class, already starting my day off feeling irritated.

It wasn’t like I hated Christmas, I just hated when people started to be fake because of is. Kids would act nicer to their parents and relatives to get more money and loot for the winter, but return to the devilish children they are when January rolls around. Cuffing season starts and then couples start to pop up, only for the intent of getting gifts and a “cute” Christmas romance for the holidays. Then, their forced relationship ends. Everything about this season was fake, fake, and more fake.

And I like real.

I stopped by a coffee shop and ordered my usual drink: black coffee. It tasted bitter, but I liked the harsh taste of it. It woke me up.

I walked into my early psychology class and took a seat at the back, my usual spot. I immediately was greeted to the group of loud and rambunctious students who sat in the front row. I groaned internally but simply leaned back in my chair and plugged in my earbuds.

Suddenly, I felt a presence beside me and out of reflex, I took my earbuds out.

“Good morning, y/n.” I immediately smiled at his cheeky voice.

“Morning, Chan.” The light haired boy frowned and gave me the famous dimple that killed all the girls on campus. Besides me of course.

“Aw, not even a good in front of that? Now how am I supposed to know what kind of morning I should have?” He pouted, tugging off his scarf and beanie since the room we were in was overly heated.

I scoffed and shook my head. “What’s so good about it, dude? Our final is today and I feel like death himself.” I joked. It was true, our final was today, and yes, I felt horrible, but even I couldn’t help myself from feeling giddy about the end of the year.

Chan smile and leaned closer to my desk. “Aw c’mon, y/n, it’s almost Chris-”

I groaned and made a motion to put my earbuds back in. “I swear to God, if I hear one more person talk bout Christmas, I’m going to explode.” I sighed. Chan broke out into cheerful laughter, like he always does, and shook his head at my reaction.

“You know, you’re the only person I’ve ever met who hates Christmas so much. How can you hate it?? Everyone’s in a better mood, everyone’s in a relationship so you don’t have to run away from boys anymore-” He nudged me jokingly while I rolled my eyes. “And plus, you love peppermint.”

I nodded, affirming he made a good point. “Ok, you’re right, I do love peppermint.” He was about to give me the cheekiest smile but I cut him off. “BUT, I hate that everyone is so happy this season when I swear everyone looked like they were about to cut me in half in the other 11 months. Plus, my devil for step siblings are shitloads nicer in December but once it hits New Years, all of a sudden they’re stealing my stuff again and pretending to be each other, ‘cause you know...”

“Twins.” He finished my sentence. I nodded and fiddled with my necklace.

I’ll admit, ever since my dad got remarried, it had never been the same. It’s not like I hated my step mom... all the time... but she wasn’t mom. My mom had always treated me like an adult, even when I wasn’t. I had matured faster than all the kids in my grade, and always had felt like an old soul compared to everyone else.

Mom used to let me have a sip of her eggnog, that had a little bit of burbon in it, and it wasn’t a big deal. But in my stepmom’s house, it wasn’t allowed, neither was running up the stairs or listening to the music while walking because I could “trip”. I had the same rules as her children, and it was irritating at times. Ok all the time.

“Hm, well I hope that some day a person will change that for you.” Chan said melodramatically. I chuckled comfortingly, but I knew that would never happen. No one could do Christmas like my mom.

“Just like how Chaeyoung did that for you?” I teased. His pale cheeks turned a soft red color, blending into his red sweated. I laughed even harder. “Oh come on, you cannot still be embarrassed about your girlfriend, you’ve been dating for a month now.”

Chan tsked and slumped back in his chair. “See, you said two completely different things. Chaeyoung is not my girlfriend, but we are dating. Different. People who have dated someone can understand the difference.” He teased. Usually that would offend people, but I let the insult roll off my back.

“You act like it’s a bad thing I’ve never dated, it’s normal, weirdo. Also, I know you Chan, and I know that you’re a hopeless romantic who just started ‘dating’ someone because it’s cuffing season and you want someone to hold your hand in the snow at night.” I spat back.

Before he could say anything, the teacher walked in, signaling the start of the final. I got out my number 2 pencils and gave a thumbs up to Chan.

“Good luck.” I whispered.

“Break a leg.”

------

“Finally!!” I screamed into my house when I got home. Finals season was officially over and winter break had commenced. I flung my backpack into my room and plopped down on my bed. My back had ached from carry my backpack around everywhere and from the unneeded stress from school. It was finally time to relax.

Suddenly, I heard a slight buzz to my left. I groaned and looked at the text message.

It was from my stepmom, saying ‘will be home late today, theres some shrimp in the fridge, u can make pasta’.

Well, that was a long vacation.

I rolled out of bed and threw on a flannel, ready to cook some pasta. It wasn’t hard, but I just hated deshelling shrimp. It was time consuming, even though shrimp was one of my favorite foods, I would rather someone else cook it for me to be honest.

After I cleaned the shrimp, I got out the pasta, preparing all my ingredients before I had to start actually cooking something. But before I could do that, I heard my phone ring.

I rolled my eyes at the caller ID: Han Jisung, aka, Han Solo in my phone.

“What.” I answered.

“So....” He paused. I rolled my eyes

“Jisung, I’m cooking dinner, just get on with it.” I heard rustling in the back ground, which meant he was laying down in bed. Lucky him.

“Fine, fine, so, you know how I’m going to that holiday party thing tomorrow that’s for like 3 days and 2 nights right?” I nodded, but realized he couldn’t see me.

“Yup, why, you need me to watch Pepper?”

“Nope, my sister said she can take him for the days I’m gone, but anyways, my friend, he really needs a date and he-”

“Jisung, no-”

“Ok, so I already knew you would say no, so I already said ye-”

“YOU DID WHAT?” I screamed into the phone.

I could feel my heart beat pick up in panic and I had to set down my phone to calm down. “Ok, ok y/n, I know what you’re thinking and I’m really sorry but-”

“No you’re not Jisung, you love this don’t you? UGH, why do you always have to set me up with people?” I felt whiny but I couldn’t help myself. I hated when anyone, especially Jisung, tried to set me up on dates. They always ended terribly where either I, or the dude, was awkward or the thing just never clicked.

Most of the dudes weren’t even friend material for me, it was a terrifying experience.

“Ok, but look, this time, the dude is really a good guy. He’s funny, talkative, charming, attractive, good at singing-”

“Oh then why don’t you just date him?” I mocked. Jisung made a whiny noise and said “Y/n, please, you know I’m already going with Naeun, I made a commitment!”

I stared at the bowl of dead shrimp, wishing I could be that chill for one day. “God Jisung, you know how uncomfortable this makes me, why would you do this?” I finally said after a long time of silence.

He sighed and I knew he truly felt guilty. “Ok, I swear I’m really, really sorry. But this time, I think this guy is at least a good friend match for you. Plus, he’s my friend, so he’s got to be a good friend for you, right??”

“Please y/n? I’ll make it up to you I promise!”

I tapped my foot rapidly, trying to make a decision quickly.

“Jisung, even if I say yes, my stepmom is a whole nother story. I need to watch the twins, remember?”

Jisung sighed like he had forgot I had siblings. I guess it was even a new thing for me sometimes, even though it had been seven years.

“Ok, fine, if she says yes, are you game?”

“Game.” I muttered. He squealed in delight. “But don’t think I’m not mad at you, ok? I’m still mad.” I pouted, even though I couldn’t really be mad at him when I had just finished finals. My world seemed like it was so much calmer now, yet it never got exciting in the first place.

“Ok, ok, I’ll make it up to you, all of it! It’ll be great, we’ll have so much fun! AAAH!”

I hung up the phone before he could convince me to do anything else. I sighed, opening the box of pasta.

“What have I gotten myself into?”

-----------

Once I was done with the pasta, I heard the door unlock, soon followed by rambunctious screaming and yelling.

“Heeyoung!! I can’t believe you asked Jake for his number, I called dibs first!”

“Oh shut up, he was way into me anyways.”

Suddenly, I heard some sort of wrestling on the ground.

“Girls, girls, c’mon now, you both can have Jake! Remember, if you guys behave, then I’ll get you two new phones.” At the mention of a new phone, the girls both shut up immediately.

The girls were twelve years old now as Hanna, my stepmom, already had them with her previous marriage. At 12, I never remembered being so spoiled and entitled, it was disturbing to say the least.

“Oh, y/n, is dinner done?” She said like she just noticed my presence. I nodded and flicked off the stove.

“Yup, just finished cooking, you guys eat first, I’m not hungry.” I lied. I was starving, but I hated eating with them and I knew they would rather eat with my as well. That’s just how things worked in this household.

“Ok, you go upstairs then.” Hanna’s attention then turned to her girls who were trying their hardest to not tear out each other’s hair. It was hilarious and sad all the same time.

Before I could go upstairs, I heard the doorbell ring, which meant Jisung was here.

“It’s Jisung!” I called out to the table and they didn’t really pay me any attention besides the two girls who were giggling. Yes, I knew they had a crush on Jisung. Yes, it was weird.

I threw the door open and saw the boy all bundled up in his bright white winter jacket. I raised a brow. “You’re really gonna-”

Before I could finish, he walked into the house and went right up to my mom, who adored him, only because Jisung was rich, funny, nice, and good looking.

“Jisung! You’re here, oh gosh, did you have dinner? I made dinner, go ahead and have some.” I wanted to correct her lie, but it would do nothing except make me feel awkward. Jisung raised a brow at me but said nothing either.

“Oh no thank you, I just had dinner at my house. But, I just came over to ask you a very important question, Hanna.” I could tell my stepmom loved the attention and was already blushing. God, I hate Jisung and love him all at the same time.

“Of course, darling.” She cooed at him, her botox hindering her from smiling widely.

Jisung smiled and brushed his hair out of his face. “So, there was this little get-together thing that I wanted to bring y/n to, and it’s only for a couple nights and-”

Hanna shook her head and set her fork down loudly. “Jisung, honey, you cannot ask for stuff like that. I like you a lot but you know y/n needs to stay home and watch the girls. I work and can’t be tied down all day.”

Jisung feigned sadness, which I knew hit some pity points for Hanna. “Hanna, please, it’s a holiday party and-”

Hanna scoffed. “Ok, we both know y/n hates anything Christmas, she’s the grinch in girl form.”

“Ok, yes, but she promised me she would go because it won’t just be about Christmas, but about meeting new people, and hanging out in a nice lodge. So please, can she go, only for a few nights?”

I felt my heart thump rapidly, for some reason, hoping she’ll say yes. I shook away the thought as quickly as it came; I hated Christmas and the snow and the mountains, which is what I would be facing if I went to this party.

“Well...”

Everyone’s ears peaked up to hear her answer.

“Well, y/n shouldn’t make promises she can’t keep.” Hanna continued to down her dinner and Jisung turned his head to shake his head in failure. I smirked and shrugged my shoulders.

“Sorry Jisung, it’s just that me and the girls are going to this huge Christmas party tomorrow night as well and I need someone to watch the dog. You know how they get.” Hanna lied lamely and took a bite of shrimp, that was her favorite food as well. “But that’s ok, y/n hates Christmas anyways, I’m sure you can make cooler and better friends at the party anyways.”

Five years ago, those words would’ve hurt me, but now they were just annoying. I couldn’t wait til I finished college and didn’t have to depend on her for college tuition. I wasn’t like the normal girls in the fairytales; I wasn’t exceptionally smart and heading to Princeton or an amazing dancer like Selena Gomez, I was just... me.

Jisung didn’t stick around to hear her annoying jabber and made up some excuse. “Well, my mom is expecting me home and I need to pack me for my trip. It was nice seeing you guys.” The all waved to him as I just shrugged at him as he left. He looked defeated in the moment, but with the evil glint in his eyes, I could tell this wasn’t over.

------

“Don’t forget to feed Princess!! She needs some real food too so just cook her some fried rice, ok!?”

“OK!” The door shut loudly, signaling I finally had the house to myself.

I covered my mouth with a yawn, feeling warm and cozy in my flannel pajamas. My hair was tied loosely into two braids.

“Thank God I don’t have to go out tonight,” I whispered to myself. I felt bad that Jisung had to go to this event by himself since his girlfriend was going with a group of friends. But I didn’t feel bad enough to go.

I pulled out my guitar and started to strum lightly on the strings. I never could play and sing when they were home; the twins always complained about my music being too loud when they were studying, even though they never studied.

“All I hear is raindrops

Falling on the rooftop

Oh baby tell me why’d you have to go

Cause this pain I feel

It wont go away

And today I’m officially missing you”

I gently strummed the strings on my guitar, feeling the groove of the music.

Breaking my magic, I heard my phone buzz. I set my guitar down on my bed and looked at my phone.

‘open your window’ -jisung

I scoffed and popped open my window and somehow, Jisung jumped inside my room. That’s what I get for not chopping down that humongous tree I guess.

“Jisung... what the hell are you doing here?” I finally asked in confusion. “You’re gonna be late to the party.” I deadpanned slowly. Jisung shrugged off all the snow on his body, leaving my carpet wet. He was dressed with raggedly clothes and a black mask over his face. Of course he would go as a ninja. For some reason, the party planner decided that the ball should be a Christmas costume party... interesting.

“HEY, asshole, what do you-”

“You know, I love hearing you sing, why don’t you do it in front of-.” My cheeks were now as red as cherries from the anger and compliment.

“Jisung, what are you doing here?” He shrugged and adjusted his mask.

“Well, um, so we are gonna go to that party.”

I paused at his words and stared at him in silence.

“No... I’m not going because you couldn’t convince Hanna. Done deal, bye!” I tried to shove him out, but obviously I wasn’t strong enough.

“Y/n, y/n, listen, listen.” I crossed my arms at the desperation in his voice. “The girls and Hanna are all gone tonight, and probably tomorrow morning-”

“Jisung, they’re coming home at one am, and it takes an hour to just get to the location of your party, and maybe even longer in the snow. I’m not gonna risk it.” I walked away from him, hoping he wouldn’t follow.

“Y/n, for Pete’s sake, you never do anything bad or even a little rebellious. You stick to rules and you stick to routine, and yes, I know it’s ‘cause of your mom-”

“She’s not my mom.”

“Right, sorry, I mean Hanna, she controls you but she’s finally not here! That’s gotta be a sign, right??” He spoke with such a desperation that I almost felt sorry for him, and myself, but what could I do? I was stuck here until she came back!

“Jisung, really, I can’t just sneak out, what if she catches me? There goes my college tuition and I can’t even finish college and become a choir teacher like I’ve always wanted. It’s just... I don’t wanna risk it.” I said lamely.

For a few moments, Jisung was silent, which was extremely rare. He sat on my bed, making it creak slightly. I felt like the atmosphere was tense, even though I didn’t know why.

“I just... you never take chances y/n, the party is gonna be amazing and all I want is my best friend there.” I sighed and patted him on the head.

“Jisung, I’m not Cinderella, I can’t sneak out of the house and get back before one.” At those words, he shot up and stared at me.

“You know what? If Cinderella can do it, we can! We can just leave the party at midnight and then we’ll make it home before one, I swear on it. It’s not like the road is crowded when it’s that late anyways.”

I laid in bed, the plan not sounding too bad when he said it that way.I tried to protest, but I had little fight left since he was making such a good argument.

“I don’t even have a costume.” I mumbled lamely. He raised a brow and gave me his signature smirk. “Oh what this time, Jisung?”

-----

Before I could comprehend what we were doing, we were sorting through my closet and dug out something I never thought I would be pulling out.

“Really, my mom’s wedding dress... why.” I spoke, but I was quite breathless. I couldn’t imagine wearing something so beautiful.

Jisung shook the top off the box and shrugged. “It’s perfect for the winter and perfect for a costume as well. You know your mom, she loved...”

I smiled sadly. “Yeah, she loved winter and Christmas.” I mumbled quietly, but I lost my voice once I saw the dress. I covered my mouth and pulled out the outfit.

“You’re trying that on now.” Jisung yelped.

I took my time trying on the dress; as I stared at myself in the mirror, I was astonished by the detailing.

It was a beautiful, pale white dress that was adorned in glitter and sparkles. There were small flowers which resembled snowflakes that fell over the poofy skirt. The cut wasn’t too low, but wasn’t too high either. The sleeves were decked out in glitter, and somehow, it fit me perfectly.

“Y/n, we don’t have all day now!” I hurried up and walked out. As he caught sight of me, he dropped my phone. “Damn, you look so much like your mom.” He whispered. Jisung was one of my only friends who had known me when my mom was still alive and that’s probably why he was still friends with me, because I wasn’t the nicest person after she passed.

“Ok, hurry up, Grincherella, we’re getting in the car.”

-------

This was the most fun I’d ever had. We were jamming out to classics in the car and not caring who were waking up.

Jisung turned down the music and shouted to tell me something.

“Oh yeah, that guy who I sold you out too? He doesn’t need a date anymore, I felt really bad so I told him you weren’t looking for a serious date and he said he’d rather go alone anyways. So now we get to party together, WOOP!” He shouted turned up the music again. I almost forgot about my so-called date and now I was happy I didn’t have one. I could just hide in the corner and eat all the food they had.

Soon, we arrived at the venue, and I couldn’t even hide that it was beautiful. There was a fountain up front that was decked out in Christmas decor. There was a machine that projected snowflakes on the building that made the snow around us stand out. And also, it was huge.

“Oh shit.” Jisung suddenly said. I turned to him in surprise.

“What??”

“I forgot a mask for you.” He mumbled. I shrugged.

“That’s fine, I don’t really need one.” I noted. He glared at me.

“That’s a lie, hold on, lemme pull out my party box.” I was about to question what that was until the boy pulled out a box from the back seat and started to rummage through it. “YES!” He said pulling out a black mask that was lacey and probably too beautiful for me to wear. “Ok, it’s not white like I wanted it to be, but... hmhmmh hold on.”

I groaned as he pulled out a paintbrush and some white paint and glitter. “Hold still.” Before I could question him, he put on my mask and started to draw white swiggle lines from the mask and out. He layered silver glitter on me and brushed some glitter all around my face and neck.

“I love being friends with an art major.” He let out a chuckle and threw the art stuff in the box.

“You look hot, I hope you get laid tonight or else this all will be in vain.” I rolled my eyes.

“Please, I’d be lucky to even get someone to stare at me.” Jisung laughed and helped me out of the car. The cold air hit my arms, making them erupt with goosebumps.

“Oh they’ll be staring all right. Now c’mon!”

-----

If the outside was already wild, the inside was even crazier. Music was blaring through the speakers, people were grinding on each other and I’m sure some people were blatantly just making out. This is why I never leave my house.

“C’mon grinch, at least look alive.” I rolled my eyes and tried to hide myself as stares started to come my way. “Don’t look so nervous, they’re looking ‘cause you’re h o t.” I slapped his arm and chuckled, feeling nervous at all the attention.

Before the two of us could get far, I felt Jisung being pulled away from me.

“JISUNG! Baby!” I looked to my side and saw all of Jisung’s friends. Naeun had pulled him into a deep kiss, one that I felt awkward to look at.

“Oh hey, y/n, you look so pretty!” Naeun greeted happily, opening her arms for a hug. Honestly, I never liked the girl, but she was a good fake nice I guess. I smiled widely at her and hugged her back.

“You look stunning as well!” I exclaimed. “All of you guys look really cool.” I complimented to the entire group.

“You look hot too, y/n, who knew you could dress up so well?” One of the boys exclaimed, making me feel a bit embarrassed. Jisung rolled his eyes.

“Whatever, let’s go get some drinks.” As they all went to get drinks, I pulled Jisung back.

“No drinks until after you’re back at the party, I am not going to die or kill anybody when sitting in a car with you, got it?” The boy nodded and gulped, knowing I would actually run over him if he drove under the influence.

The rest of the night moved by slowly, until the party started to pick up at 11.

“OK GUYS, EVERYBODY ON THE DANCE FLOOR!” A crowd of people started to swarm into the middle of the venue, making me feel restricted and uncomfortable. In the corner of my eye, I saw Naeun pull Jisung into the crowd, leaving me to fend for myself.

Great, I expected this.

I immediately stepped back and found a way out of the crowd and ending up in the corner, like I had imagined.

“Stupid Jisung, forcing me to come out here.” I pulled out my phone that showed I only had 30 minutes left. Suddenly, the DJ stopped played music and another due stepped on the stage.

“Ok people, so tonight, like usual, it’s our annual karaoke night! Since most people hate singing in front of people, it’s best that we have our costumes on tonight am I right?!” The crowed screamed and whooped. It was a gigantic crowd, probably the most people I’ve seen together in my entire life. Ok that’s a lie but still.

I drowned out the rest of the yelling and went back to my phone, mindlessly watching food videos online until someone had sat next to me. I tried to ignore the person, but he kept getting closer and closer, and me? I got further and further.

“Hi.” The dude stated. I looked over to him and noticed he was dressed as a mummy. Clever. Not.

“Um, hi.” I said to not be rude. I shouldn’t assume he was hitting on me, maybe he just wanted to be friends.

“You’re beautiful, what is a girl like you sitting here alone?” Ok scratch that precious thought. I rolled my eyes and scooted away.

“’Cause I want to?” I spat back. Before the creepy guy could advance even more, the strobe lights started to go crazy.

“SO PEOPLE! Who wants to sing first?!” Numerous people were screaming and others were shoving their friends forward. I somewhat enjoyed the multiple people becoming targets.

“ME ME!” I heard being screamed louder than anyone else. I watched as a blonde haired boy jumped onstage. His back was facing my side, but I could tell he was dressed as Prince Charming.

“Well, Chan, isn’t it time we’ve seen you again?” Chan and the MC hugged.

Wait... Chan ...

My heart raced faster at the realization when the boy turned around. He had a white mask over the top of his face, but I could recognize that face anymore.

“Oh shit.”

“For those who don’t know, Chan is the best singer we have here and he’s here every year, what a guy! Without him, most of the girls wouldn’t even show up AHAHAHA” The MC laughed loudly into the mic and I flinched back to cover my ears.

Suddenly, Chan’s eyes danced across mine, giving me a mini heart attack. I locked eyes with him, unsure of what I wanted him to do. After a few moments, he just looked away, making the whole interaction anti-climatic.

Wow, he doesn’t recognize me.

I felt part relief that he wouldn’t make me in a wedding dress and attending a holiday party a big deal. But part sadness that a person I considered my friend couldn’t even recognize me when I was dressed as something else.

“Well, let’s stop the chatter and get this party started! You know how it goes, you start with a duet first to break the ice!” The crowd oohed and awed while I just wanted the clock to hit midnight as soon as possible.

“So what’s gonna happen is that this light.” The MC pointed to a giant yellow light that seemed quite intimidating. “Is going to land on one of you lucky people who is going to get to sing with Chan, ok? Everyone excited??” Screams erupted even though I knew someone who was probably a crappy singer would get picked. 90% of these people were drunk and the other 10% were drunk AND high.

Suddenly, the light started to wave everywhere, blinding everyone’s eyes.

“Chan, you get the honor of yelling stop!” Chan took the mic gladly and closed his eyes. Typical Chan.

Before I could take off running, the light landed right on my face, warming my entire body from head to toe.

“STOP!” He yelled loudly. I felt my vision blur as everyone in the room turned and looked at me.

Fuck, shit, fuck.

“Wow, lucky Chan, choosing his Cinderella for a partner! C’mon up here, miss!” I felt my heart throb immensely as I forced myself to stand. Ok, I’m just gonna run it’s fine-

Suddenly, a group of people started to usher me to the stage, which I started to protest, but it was no use. I wobbled up on stage and tried to not look at the looming crowd.

“Well, well, aren’t you two the perfect couple? You even have matching outfits!” I glanced over to Chan shyly, and avoided all eye contact. Still, even standing so close, he couldn’t tell who I was. I guess I had never dressed up or put on makeup, and I had tons of detailing on my face so whatever.

“So, what song do you want to sing?” The MC asked me. I grew nervous, as I hadn’t chosen a song.

I turned to Chan and gestured for him to choose. Chan gave me a small smile.

“Sorry, the guest has to choose, but whatever you choose is fine with me.” I felt my face blush with his words and I was suddenly thankful I had a mask on. I felt more empowered with it on as no one would know who I was. Except for Jisung and his friends of course. Oh shit, I wonder how Jisung is reacting to this.

“Um, ok, h-how about... Rewrite the Stars?”

The MC clapped his hands and suddenly music started to gear up. I felt my palms get sweaty and my dress started to feel too big for my small pride. The lights dimmed and the venue turned dark, probably for dramatic effect. If I knew that this happened at these events, I would have not have gone. But it’s too late now.

“You can do it!” I heard from the audience. I almost smiled at Jisung’s yell, but I was too nervous for that.

The spotlight focused on Chan, making him look more ethereal than before.

“You know I want you. It’s not a secret I try to hide.” I heard Chan’s voice fill the room, melting the heart’s of all the girls around us.

I knew Chan had an amazing voice, but with him staring right at me while he was singing was a little too intense for me. I smiled gently as his singing, but then he sang the next line to the audience, which showed he knew how to own the stage. The embellishments on his shoulders dazzled in the light, making his shoulders look broader than usual.

“it’s up to you, and it's up to me No one can say what we get to be So why don't we rewrite the stars? Maybe the world could be ours Tonight.”

Shit, shit, it’s my turn real soon.

My brain turned off and I only reacted on instinct now. My palms drenched the mic and made my grip tighter, but still slippery. I closed my eyes at the light focused on me and opened my mouth.

“You think it’s easy, you think I don’t wanna run to you?” The first note was shaky, yet filled with more composure than I imagined.

“But there are mountains, and there are doors that we can’t walk through.” Slowly, I opened my eyes and turned, finally gaining confidence. I stared at Chan who was already watching me with steady eyes.

Soon, it came to the duet,

“All I want is to fly with you All I want is to fall with you So just give me all of you”

“It’s feels impossible.”

“It’s not impossible”

“Is it impossible?”

“Say that it’s possible?” Our voices blended smoother than expected, making the crowd ooh and ah. I couldn’t deny that I felt the connection too as he made his way over to me, getting into the song.

I felt him grab my hand,

“No one can say what we get to be Why don't we rewrite the stars? Changing the world to be ours”

I could hear his breathing so closely. His palm was quiet sweaty from holding the mic, but our hands felt so perfect together.

Finally, I ended the song,

“You know I want you It's not a secret I try to hide”

I let go of his hand for dramatic effect,

“But I can't have you We're bound to break and My hands are tied”

The lights turned black, and then right back on when cheers and clapping started to erupt. Once the lights turned back on, I felt the anxiety ride in my stomach again.

We were still about 10 inches apart from each other. Chan’s eyes were stuck on me; the intensity was almost enough to cut right through me.

He looked stunning in the dim light; his blonde hair was neatly done and his face was shiny from all the sweat, but he still looked beautiful.

Damn, what am I thinking? I thought.

Suddenly, he cracked a smile. “Hey, you’re a really amazing singer... but you also sound quite familiar. Have we ever met?” I smelt the alcohol on his breath, making me crinkle my nose in disgust.

My heart pounded as I thought of answers to say.

“Uhh, um, no? Not that I remember.”

I saw his famous dimple splash onto his face, which sent butterflies in my stomach. What the hell am I feeling-

I saw him lick his lips and peer above us. I raised a brow and followed his stare. The crowd started whooping and hollering as our eyes landed at the thing hovering above us.

“Huh, mistletoe.” I felt my heart thump in anticipation as he leaned much closer to me. “Is this ok?” He whispered against my lips. I answered him by finally connecting out lips.

Suddenly, the rest of the crowd disappeared and it was just us.

Just me and Chan.

He pressed deeper into me, letting me taste the alcohol on his lips. I tried to not focus on the alcohol, letting myself fall deeply into the kiss. He pulled away slowly, confusing me.

Gently, he made a move to take off my mask. Hypnotized by how close he was, I couldn’t move until I felt my phone buzz. We both flinched back at the loud alarm.

It was midnight.

Meaning it was time to go.

“Um, I’m so sorry, I have to go!” I ran down the stage, not looking back, even when he yelled “WAIT!” I could NOT be late to getting home.

I ran towards the entrance and saw Jisung already there. His eyes widened.

“We are going to have a long talk, but let’s go!” I turned back, big mistake, and saw Chan looking for me. I pushed Jisung out the door in a hurry and we both started to run towards the car.

“So, uh, wanna tell me what the fuck was that?!” Jisung panted as he got into the car and immediately started the engine.

“Jisung, I wish I could say but I HAVE NO CLUE.” I emphasized. I tossed off my mask as the thing was starting to itch like hell.

Jisung groaned and started the car. “So are we just gonna ignore how you made out with one of my friends on stage?” I turned to him with wide eyes.

“Wait, did you just say that Chan was one of your friends?” Jisung rolled his eyes.

“Yes, I did. We’ve known each other for years, he’s Changbin’s older cousin and we hang out like all the time. How the hell do you know Chan? ‘Cause no way would you let a stranger make out with you on stage, even if he was hot.” I gulped and shook my head in disbelief.

“We were in the same psychology class and we sit, sat, next to each other.” I mumbled. I fiddled with my hair nervously, unsure of where our relationship stood now. Oh wait, he doesn’t even know that was you, you’re still just classmates., ex classmates. “And he didn’t recognize me, so I’m just going to forget this ever happened.”

Jisung scoffed. “Oh hell no, that was the most intense thing I’ve ever seen you do. You’re an amazing singer, y/n, I don’t know why you hide it all the time. Plus, you had SO much sexual tension on stage.” I slapped his arm as he cackled. “You know why this is so funny?” I shook my head as he continued “it’s hilarious because Chan was the dude I was going to set you up with but cancelled.”

Suddenly, all the thoughts flooded back to me.

“Oh my god, that was Chan? Oh shit, wait, that means him and Chaeyoung aren’t seeing each other anymore?” Then I realized, I had kissed Chan, knowing he was dating someone else. But I guess I forgot. But how could I have forgotten that? “Fuck, I didn’t know that Jisung, that means I kissed him and he could have been dating Chaeyoung! I am a terrible person.” I screamed into my dress. Jisung sighed and shoved me slightly to knock some sense into me.

“Jesus Christ, y/n, it’s fine! They were never serious and Chaeyoung wasn’t that into him anyways, she was dating other people without Chan knowing, that’s why they broke up. You know Chan, hopeless romantic, he was devastated either way.” I closed my eyes in anger. Jisung was terrible at making things better. But I couldn’t focus on whatever their relationship was right now when such an intense thing happened.

“Well, it’s whatever anyways. He didn’t know it was me and in his eyes, that’s the last time he’ll ever see me again. And technically it is the last time I’ll see him because we don’t have a class together anymore. It’s done, over.” I said turning up the radio, but Jisung turned it back down.

“Y/n, you cannot just ignore this! He was so into you!” I shook my head.

“He doesn’t even know me! It’s whatever Jisung, he’ll probably forget about it the next day or give up some time over another. This conversation is over.” I made a statement by turning up the radio, the conversation truly ending this time.

-----

The days went by so slowly. My thoughts couldn’t help but constantly be surrounded by Chan, thinking about what he was doing, if he still was pining over me.

*ding dong*

I heard my doorbell ring unexpectedly, making me jump out of my bed quickly. I pulled a hoodie over my tanktop and walked downstairs. Weird, I wasn’t expecting anybody.

I pulled open the door, “hello-”

My heart stopped and so did everything else around me as I looked at the person standing at the door.

“Oh my god?? y/n??” Chan exclaimed, going in for that weird dude hand shake. I patted him on the back and pulled away, feigning a happy surprise.

“Wow, um, what are you doing here Chan?” I exclaimed. He was wearing a turtleneck with a long jacket, my favorite outfit on him.

“Jisung sent me here saying that I needed to pick up something?” I rolled my eyes and closed the door, letting him into my house. Weird.

“Yeah, um, follow me.” I walked to the kitchen with him behind me and picked up the baggie of peppermint bark. I placed it in Chan’s hands while he looked at me with confused eyes. “It’s his dad’s favorite and Jisung asks me to make it every year and on his dad’s birthday because his dad likes mine the most. Of course his dad thinks Jisung makes it, but whatever makes him happy.” I shrugged.

Chan laughed and shook his head. “Wow, that’s so Jisung!” We both chuckled at the joke but then there was a silence.

“So, uh, I should ask how you know Jisung but he talks a dude named Chan sometimes and I’m assuming that’s you?” I feigned innocence. Chan nodded.

“Yeah! I’m Changbin’s, his neighbor, cousin, so we see each other a lot.” I nodded as we slowly walked to the door again.

“Well, I guess I should apologize on Jisung’s behalf for making you come here just to pick up peppermint bark. He’s an idiot and tries to set me with random dudes sometimes.” I rolled my eyes as Chan laughed.

“Wow, we both think you need to start dating, hmmm. Time to start searching.” I couldn’t help myself from feeling a bit hurt from him wanting me to date someone else, I guess I shouldn’t expect anything from him anyways.

I forced a chuckled and shook my head. “Nah, not into the whole dating game, sorry.” I waved him goodbye as he opened the door. He turned to leave, but looked back at me.

“You know, you’re fun to talk to. We should hang out sometime.” I raised a brow, knowing that was never going to happen.

“I guess, yeah.” I noted lamely. Chan squinted his eyes at me and laughed.

“Wow, trying to spare my feelings now?” I blushed, caught in a lie. He just laughed though. “It’s fine, y/n. I know where you live now so you can’t escape me.” He laughed as he playfully punched my shoulder.

As he stepped out the door, he looked back up at the top of it. “Oh what, is that a mistletoe?” I furrowed my eyebrows in shock and looked up. There was nothing. He broke out into laughter as I turned red in the face.

“Dude, why I was about to barf.” I joked.

He chuckled and put his hands in his pockets. “If there was a mistletoe there, would you have kissed me?” He asked abruptly. I leaned back, pretending to look confused. D-does he know? Impossible.

I raised a brow, wondering what his motives were. “I don’t know.” I deadpanned, closing the door in his face.

I was about to walk away but I heard a knock on the door again. Then again. And again. And again. I let out a low growl and opened the door.

“Jisung told me.” He said before I could let another peep out.

W-wait

I felt my hands turn numb and my legs go shaky. We stood in silence for a solid minute, which was a long time without saying anything.

My mind felt numb and I couldn’t think of any lie to save myself.

“Um... I’m sorry, you need to go.” I started to close the door, but he stopped me gently.

“Y/n, wait, I’m not mad, and technically I knew before he told me. Look, I feel terrible for not recognizing you earlier but I was really fucking drunk. And I wasn’t in the right mind since I had ended things with Chaeyoung and my mind was just not thinking of anything. But I swear as soon as I got shown a video of us singing the next day, I knew. And I felt terrible, so I’m so sorry.”

I felt shocked at his apology and I was unable to say anything in response.

“Please, say something.” He took my hands and pulled me closer to him.

And I felt terrible when I pulled back. I saw hurt run across his face as I said, “Look I was drunk too and--”

“No you weren’t, you were completely sober, I could tell in the video. Y/n please...” He made an attempt to come closer but stopped. “Look I know it’s bad that I just kissed a random girl and am now making attempts at you but there was something just drawing me to you that night. I mean the alcohol was helping me act on instinct but still.

I was so happy to find out it was you. I had no idea who the girl was gonna be but when it was you, I couldn’t help but feel so relieved because it’s you, the girl I had a crush on in my psych class who was sarcastic with a weird sense of humor but that’s what was so awesome about you so please, we can just work something out. We don’t have to work fast.”

A part of me wanted to just say yes and jump into his arms, but these things don’t happen to girls like me: girls who are constantly stuck in the background. He was still in love with that girl who sang confidently at karaoke, not that dull one in his psych class.

“I’m sorry, Chan but I just can’t.” I spoke softly. I couldn’t bare to look at him as he left, but he said nothing as he walked off my porch.

------

I laid in bed, feeling like the whole world was pressing down on my chest.

“Y/n! We’re going out to aunt josie’s house! Watch the house for us, we’ll be gone for 5 days! Merry Christmas!” The door slammed shut and I was officially alone on Christmas.

I’d always spent Christmas alone, every single year.

Jisung had his own family to tend to and I didn’t wanna bother him. I told him that I was fine being alone since I hated Christmas anyways, and he didn’t push thankfully. It was time for me to be alone, to mourn my parents.

It had been a few days, or maybe a week, since I last saw Chan. Jisung didn’t push the subject, knowing there was a more confusing internal battle in me.

I felt my phone vibrate, signaling a text. My eyes grew wide when I read the contact name, scared to read the message.

‘can we meet up right now?’ it read.

My fingers shook, unable to type a message. I hovered my finger over the ‘block’ button, wondering if that was a good idea. But before I could do anything, I got a call from Jisung. .

“Wha-”

“DON’T BLOCK HIM!” I pulled my phone away from my ear.

“What? How did you know-”

“’Cause I fucking know you, don’t block him. Ok, y/n, let’s be honest right here right now. This isn’t about Chan, this is about you. I guess and Chan but anyways. You’re scared because of these insecurities you have, which you shouldn’t have ‘cause you’re pretty and you’re funny and cool so yeah. But, you have them, so what can you do I guess. But Chan, he’s a great dude; he’s funny, talented, hot, sporty, he’s everything a girl could want and more. Especially what you want. So I know you like him and you should take this chance because even if things don’t work out forever, at least you made the effort.”

I could hear loud music and talking in the background and I knew he was outside of his house where a big party was happening. I went soft knowing he was taking the time out of his Christmas to say this to me.

“Ok... I’ll do it.”

“Wait what?”

“Call you later.”

I hung up the phone and returned to texting Chan with Jisung’s confidence in me.

‘yes... im home right now.’

‘are you flirting with me right now?’

I let out a bark of laughter. Chan knew how to get a girl to smile.

‘no :/’

‘well i’ll still be there in 20 mins’

‘ok i’ll be here too’

He read my message, didn’t respond. Does that mean he’s on his way over now?

I ran out of bed and looked at myself.

“I need a fucking shower.” I took a 5 minute shower and ran out, dried myself and put on a little makeup, just to look not dead. I pulled on a white sweater and leggings, trying to look like I’ve been lounging all day, but cute lounging.

Before I knew it, I heard my doorbell ring. I groaned in surprise but ran downstairs anyways. I took a deep breath, calming myself.

You can do this.

I threw open the door and saw him standing there, in a white button down shirt with dark fancy pants. His hair was now a dark brown, making him look more mature and casual than his chic blonde look.

“Hi.” He said with a smile.

“Hey, um, come in I guess.” I stood back to let him in and closed and locked the door behind him. “Um, merry Christmas.” He looked at me with kind eyes and smiled.

“Merry Christmas to you too.”

We stood in a peaceful silence, one testing out the waters with the other.

“What are you doing here instead of spending time with your family?” I asked finally. He shrugged.

“Well, um, so both my parents died when I was 13.” I held in my gasp and held my head low for condolence.

“I’m sorry for your losses.” He nodded and looked up at me.

“I’ve heard you have a similar story.” I sighed and sat down next to him as he took a seat on the couch.

His body heat was radiating off him in waves and it made me feel like home. “Yeah, Jisung probably told you?” Chan nodded and I sighed. “Yeah, um, my mom died when I was pretty young, 8 to be exact. And my dad died just a couple years ago...leaving me with an ass for a stepmom and step sisters so.” I shrugged, not knowing how to go on.

“I’m sorry.” I nodded.

He leaned back in the couch and rolled up his sleeves. I couldn’t help but feel so attracted to him despite our situation being serious.

“So-” We both started.

“You go first.” He said. I nodded.

“So um, I’m just really sorry about what happened the last time I saw you. I guess I was just afraid of commitment and um, feeling loved I guess. To explain it simply, I’ve always felt like I was background music while everyone else is a title track.” I shrugged nonchalantly, but I couldn’t help but feel emotional. His arm immediately went to wrap around my body and pulled me closer. He rubbed my back in circular motions which calmed me down.

“I’m not blaming you for what happened, I guess we both have our faults.” I shook my head.

“No, you did nothing wrong, it was just me.” I argued as he laughed in surprise.

“Seriously, the first time we kissed, I was drunk as hell. I could tell you noticed ‘cause you made a face.” I blushed and hid my face in my hands.

“Shut up.”

As I said that, we returned to our usual banter and relationship. It felt normal again.

“Hey, I never got to tell you, you’re an amazing singer you know that?” I gave him a small smile and shrugged.

“Thanks, you are too.”

Then, he glanced up at the ceiling and raised his brows.

“Mistletoe!” He called out. I grew confused and looked up. “There’s no mistletoe up there.” He gave me a boyish smile and shrugged.

“I know, I just wanna kiss you.” I let out a harsh laugh and slapped his chest.

“Dude, you can’t just say mistletoe whenever you wanna kiss me.” He wiggled his eyes brows and came close to me. My body grew warm since the look on his face was nothing but innocent. “You sure?” I nodded, daring him to go on.

“Mistletoe.” He pecked me on the lips, sending tiggles through my body, but leaving me wanting more.

“Mistletoe.” He leaned in again for half a second then pulled away.

“Mistletoe.”

“Mis-” As he leaned in to kiss me for the fifth time, I pulled him closer and he didn’t fight it as he pulled me on his lap.

He pulled away softly to look up at me. I titled my head at him in curiosity.

“Hm, so how do you like Christmas now, Cinderella?” I gasped and shoved him away playfully.

“Cinderella? You are not calling me that!” I squealed as he tickled my sides.

“Really? How ‘bout Cindy? Ella? Cinder??” I flicked him on the neck harshly and he gasped in pain.

“You meanie!”

He laughed and held me down in his lap. “Ok ok fine! But I’m serious, how do you like Christmas now?”

I thought about his question for a moment until I leaned down to kiss him gently on the lips, surprising him.

“I could get used to it.”

#stray kids #stray kids scenarios #straykidznet #sk-writersnet #bang chan #chan #chan scenarios #chan imagines #stray kids imagines #stray kids imagine #stray kids scenario #bang chan scenarios #bangchan #bang chan imagines

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frisbee-camp · 6 years ago

Text

Let Me Help

AO3 Link//Wattpad Link

Tj and Cyrus have been friends for a long time, but will that change after life comes crashing down and impulsive decisions catch up to them? (Angst, Ambi, love notes, slow burn, aged up so they're all in high school, god tier ships, mental health, and like a whole bunch more ladies! Let’s get this angst.)

Chapter 9 Unresolved

"What do you mean you saw them kiss!?" Cyrus had practically yelled, Nala jumped. Andi and Buffy had told Cyrus that they saw Jonah with Walker the entire night, practically attached to the hip. "He's been avoiding us a lot lately," Andi frowned and bit her lip. Buffy nodded and added, "Plus, Marty said there were rumors that Walker was dating a boy." "But, Jonah?" Cyrus said, slumped, "Jonah Hercules Beck is straight..." "No one's straight Cy," Andi said as they pointed between themselves and Cyrus, "we would know." "Yea, but..." Cyrus trailed off. He had totally believed Jonah Beck™ was 100% straight. But now that he knew he was with Walker, he felt a sudden urge of jealousy. He was the complicated one, he was the gay one, not perfect and popular Jonah Beck. Cyrus grimaced, his cheeks felt hot. "Cyrus?" Buffy said, "are you alright? It's OK to be jealous." "Yeah Cy, we all know you liked Jonah, it was pretty obvious," Andi said smiling, "but now that means you can focus on TJ! Who has a total massive humungo crush on you!" "Guys, I don't know why I said I liked him, I think it's because he defended me. It's because he defended me right? I mean no guy will ever like me," Cyrus said as his friends gave him shocked looks. "You've got to be kidding right! You've got the toughest guy in all of Jefferson basically in love with you and you don't even see it? You're all he sees Cyrus! D'you think he'd punch his longest friend over anyone? Don't be so oblivious," Buffy huffed, clearly over Cyrus' lack of self-esteem. After that, their conversation shifted to Buffy complaining about all of the girls that flirted with Marty and Andi complaining about never being able to see Amber because of her work schedule. Cyrus stayed silent for most of it, thinking back to when he woke up in his own sweater. Any other jock would have thought it was embarrassing or dorky, but TJ had kept it. His heart skipped a beat. Maybe he did like TJ? But, at the same time, he thought about how Jonah was going out with Walker, and that made his skin burn. It was worse than when Andi dated him, at least then he thought he had no chance, but now? Now that Jonah was, bi? pan? questioning? Whatever, Cyrus was still bitter. He envied Walker. What did he have that Cyrus didn't? Art skills? He could take a class. He's an artist! He'd won an award for his screenplay. Whatever, he thought, I'll just make Jonah jealous, we'll see how he feels then. When his friends had left after telling him that their "relationship intervention" was over, Cyrus received a text from TJ. From Cool Basketball Guy!!!: Hey Cy, hope you got home safe and everything, I'm sorry I punched Reed... Are we still cool? 😬 To Cool Basketball Guy!!!: Yes :0 thanks again,,,,,sry i was a mess lol. see you tomorrow? From Cool Basketball Guy!!!: Of course :) See you at lunch? To Cool Basketball Guy!!!: Yup WOOP WOOp 💥 Cyrus couldn't help but frown at his own text message. Ugh, I'm such a dork. He immediately texted Buffy and Andi for help. To GHC👩🏻👩🏾‍🦱🌈❣️: Cyrus 💕🕍✨: I think I just said I liked him because he defended me, so I'm overthinking it right? Like we're friends, so nothing will happen PLUS HES A HET!!1 ANDIII😽: cyrus stop overthinking everything, this happened with me and amber too remember???? BufFY 😩🙆🏽‍♀️: HE LIKES YOU DONT BE A DUMBBASSSSSS, THE ENTIRE SCHOOL KNOWSSSSSSSS LOOK AT THE VIDEO I DMD YOU ON IG GODDAMN ANDIII😽: Buffyyyy we weren't supposed to show him that.... BufFY 😩🙆🏽‍♀️: he needs to know Cyrus was never into social media, he only went on to comment encouraging things on his friend's new posts. He even had his notifications off, but once he opened the underused app, his screen was filled with dm's, new followers, and comments. He quickly scrolled through most of them. Many of them asked if he was Dating TJ?! One said Hi cy i know u dont know me but ur like really brave another said idk who ur kidding, tj is straight lmaooo and another said hey is it true? His heart raced, he suddenly needed to stand up. Where would people get such an idea? Sure, people must have seen TJ fighting with Reed, but he didn't think people would connect that to him. TJ was respected, Cyrus wasn't, why would Tj's actions be caused by Cyrus? Cyrus opened Buffy's direct message, which had been pushed to the bottom of his feed by the time he went looking for it. It was a dark video, but Cyrus managed to catch an out of focus TJ and Reed standing in Iris' living room. He turned up the volume, "-somewhere else!" He heard Tj say, he looked disheveled and sweaty. "GOD, What is with you. Do you like him or something?" Cyrus gasped at the same time as the camera person. Is this the source Buffy and Andi were talking about? "So we were right, you do like him! And now you're choosing him over us?! We've been friends longer than you have with that loser-" Cyrus' eyebrows raised as he saw TJ's fist come in contact with Reed's face. The rest of the video was a blur of curse words and drunk teenagers chanting "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!" Cyrus sat down on his bed, unable to comprehend what had just seen. Now he knew why he was getting so many notifications. He didn't know TJ could resort to violence like that. Hearing about a fight is much different than seeing that. But, he smiled. TJ had defended him, plus someone liked him! Him! Anxious, depressed, confused Cyrus Goodman who hated loud noises and sports. He felt light and airy, but most importantly he felt needed, more needed than ever. He had almost wanted to come out to his parents right then and there. They were all there, of course, sipping their wine about twenty feet away. He had quickly texted his friends a shocked cat gif and turned off his phone as he walked out of his room with newfound confidence. "Hey Cy," one of his parents had called to him suspiciously, he didn't care which. TJ Kippen liked him and maybe he liked him back. "Hello parentals," Cyrus said cheerily as he sat in an empty dining room seat, they were still having brunch, which had now turned into wine and ice cream. Cyrus picked at the leftover grapes and popped them into his mouth grinning. "You look very happy today Cy, what did those girls do to you in there?" Norman joked. Cyrus shrugged and chucked uncomfortably. "Whatever happened to that girlfriend of yours Cy? Ilene was her name?" a mom said. "No Sharron, it was Ivy," Todd said. "No, I'm pretty sure it's Isa," Leslie said. "Guys, you're all wrong. It's Iris. And we were never really together and I don't want to talk about this with my parents right now," Cyrus got up to leave, but one of his parents called out to him. "Wait! Cy! Don't close us off so quickly. Just tell us, are there any new girls we should know about?" Shannon wiggled her eyebrows, Leslie nudged her side. Cyrus laughed a little too loud, "NO," he said, "no girls mom, never." "Never?" Todd said, quizzically. Cyrus stopped. Did I just out myself through a joke? Am I really boo boo the fool? "Cyrus?" His mom said, "do you want to tell us something we might already know? You know you can trust us." Cyrus thought about how his parents were trained in observing and analyzing. He knew that if he didn't answer, then they'd know he was hiding something if he answered too quickly they'd also know, and if he said anything at all they'd also know. He stood still instead, hoping that some being would impossibly teleport him to a different planet. Maybe Pluto? he thought Pluto is cute, and very far away from here. "Cyrus?" His parents called again. Cyrus stared at the wall behind them, unable to speak. He gave one last chuckle and turned to walk a little too quickly to his room. He put on his headphones, played his playlist titled I'M A BIG FAT HOPELESS ROMANTIC and looked at the messages left on his phone. They ranged from encouraging Bitmojis to angry girls telling him to back off. Oh my god, tomorrow is going to be hell. Cyrus spent the rest of the day nervously doing his homework in anticipation of tomorrow. Normally, he'd text TJ whenever he was nervous, but now that he was the reason for his anxiety, he stuck to his history notes. He had come out of his room only when he knew half of his parents were gone. Monday morning was relatively quiet, his parents had decided to not ask him about what had happened yesterday, which he was eternally grateful for. However, that was not the root of all of his worry. Once he got to school, Cyrus immediately knew something was different. For the first time in his life, people his age noticed him. Everyone's eyes followed him down the hall, to and from his classes, and even during the peak hallway traffic. Thankfully, he had Buffy and Andi the entire day to protect him. Sure, they could protect him from direct attack, but he could still see kids whispering and pointing at him. During lunch, Andi, Buffy, and Cyrus sat at their usual spot. "Okay you guys, things are different now, be prepared." Buffy had warned them both. Cyrus felt uneasy, he knew something was about to happen, but he didn't know what. They had been discussing how to address Jonah's new boyfriend without being overbearing. They decided to not bring it up. Just then, Marty and Amber walked up to the table and sat next to their respective partners, leaving Cyrus alone with his muffin for the millionth time. He thought about texting TJ, but he didn't know what to say to him. "Cyrus!" Amber said, "I'm glad you're feeling better. TJ should be here soon." Suddenly, the cafeteria doors opened and in came Jonah holding hands with Walker. Cyrus made a fist. They sat down a little too happily, Cyrus looked down at his tray. He felt tears pool in his eyes. "Hello there," Buffy eyed them. Cyrus tentatively looked over at Jonah who seemed grounded. There was something different about him as if a light he didn't know existed had been turned on. He watched as Jonah talked to his friends, he didn't listen to what they were saying, he was too busy looking at how Jonah looked at Walker every so often just to smile at him. Cyrus wanted that. He wanted someone who understood him, someone who grounded him in reality, someone that didn't make him feel so lost. "So," he heard Jonah say in his direction, "I heard that TJ likes you. I thought you guys were already together?" Cyrus thought he heard a twinge of jealousy in his voice, but it might have been his imagination. Cyrus suddenly couldn't handle it anymore, from the stares to the questions, to gently coming out to his parents, it was too much. He silently stood up. His friends eyed him. "I need," Cyrus started but couldn't seem to verbalize his thoughts. What did he need? Something, he needed something. "Something," he said, before quietly packing his things and walking towards the cafeteria exit. Before he could exit, he saw TJ walk in. Cyrus saw the confidence oozing out of him, his stomach churned. "Hey," TJ smiled at him, "Where are you headed? Lunch just started." "Oh, I was going to uh-" Cyrus looked up at Tj, Did his face get cuter? "I uh, was going to go sit with Andi and Buffy and them," he looked for an escape, but TJ was already turning him back around to join his friends. "Come on then silly, they're the other way," TJ grinned. Cyrus hid behind TJ for most of the walk back to the table, the whispers they were getting were becoming unbearable, he wanted to cry. He couldn't make himself look his friends in the eyes when he sat back down. "Is this the something you needed?" Marty chuckled, Buffy jabbed him with her elbow. Cyrus fiddled with a broken spork as his friends continued talking about Jefferson gossip. Tj had inched himself closer to Cyrus, he let him. He hadn't noticed how different he felt with TJ around. How much easier living seemed to be. Before he knew it, he and TJ were shoulder to shoulder, leg to leg. He still couldn't bring himself to look at his friends, but they were used to his daily mini meltdowns. TJ started to laugh at something Walker had said, Cyrus grinned slightly He fits in so well. He saw Tj look down at him worried, he gently pried the spork out of his hands, it had started to draw blood. Cyrus hadn't noticed. "What's wrong? Do you want to leave?" Tj softly asked him. Cyrus gave a small nod, his heart lurched. There were too many eyes on him. Tj quickly packed away his things and gave his friends an excuse. Before walking away, Cyrus saw Jonah frown at them. Cyrus didn't know where Tj was taking him, but he didn't really care. In the hallway, Cyrus thought he heard a noise. Once they rounded the corner, he saw Reed, Lester, and a couple other boys he didn't know. He gulped. TJ moved in front of him. "AYYYY look who it is!" Reed said, throwing his arms up. "Leave me alone Reed," TJ said, trying to walk through. "Bro, we're still bros. I forgive you for the other night. I know you were drunk and shit." Reed leaned in closer and said something to TJ that Cyrus couldn't hear, but made TJ look back at him. "Dude, leave him alone," Lester said, pushing on Reed's shoulder. "Hey, I just want to know what we're all thinking. So Teej, what is it? Are you still choosing this dork over your bros?" Reed said. The rest of the gang looked apprehensive, they didn't care enough to cause a scene. "Dude, just leave it," One boy said worried. "Shut up," TJ said quietly, "Just shut up." Cyrus saw TJ ball his fists and tense up. Lester moved towards Tj, but Reed stopped him with his arm. "Tell us," Reed said. TJ stayed still. "Teej-" Reed had said before Cyrus heard bodies hit the floor. He closed his eyes. There was yelling, sneakers hitting the floor, and eventually, he heard the voices of teachers. Someone pushed him against the wall, someone else called his name, someone else touched his hair. He didn't want to open his eyes.

#andi mack #tj kippen #cyrus goodman #ambi #amber brown #pandimack #andi mack fanfic #tyrus #tyrus fanfic #wonah #jonah beck #walker brodsky #muffy #marty from the party #reed with the weed #tw fights #kippen twins

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