#this felt like a better solution
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animation-by-jam · 3 months ago
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[Vent]. My thoughts. I'm not indigenous, so I can not relay the experience as if I could, and their voices matter more than mine. My heart goes out to the people of the letter. I'm writing as a fan who wants to just let out my feelings.
I don't know if it's just me. But I don't know if I can watch another rtvs stream with the whole crew until the rest of them issued their apologies over what happened or actually do something about the hurt they caused. It's obvious by the fan reaction that they're not just friends on the internet anymore and can't just shield themselves to be awful with criticism. Especially over fucking racial discrimination critique.
Especially Mike. Like everyone's initial responses and apologies at the time were bad, but man, that one was just REALLY BAD. Like if it wasn't limited to a discord server, the average rtvs viewer would have just been appalled by the comment and done worse reputation wise level bad. Not even the most dedicated sweep under the rug fans could argue that wasn't good. (Though I did scroll to read the entire situation, and few people tried). But, nope. It was bad. I still don't understand how he could go immediately to a 100 with that. I could give him the benefit of the doubt and say he probably had a shitty day (gamer moment level of exuse. I can't defend that), or idk he was just too aggressive with wanting to defend his friends. But, at the end of the day, that's an excuse, and the words were still typed and caused hurt. The action was still taken, and unfortunately, even *if* he feels terrible over it, he can't take it back. What's done is done, and just make up for it now.
But like I said, even with other mods and members doing the work behind the scenes. And I really hope to god that they do actually address this shit publicly. The longer it could go on, the more people will feel so betrayed (rightfully), and the more fans it will reach to demand something. Like this isn't the hlvrai days anymore rtvs, they have fans that can donate thousands to charity and sell out merchandise within hours. They want to unify the brand together? so they have to GET IT TOGETHER. Act maturely next time. If they aren't able to properly rectify a situation with a problematic sponsor or collaboration in time, then just apologize and listen to people's suggestions. God damn. How hard was it to read a letter that wasn't attacking them. And if anything, they tried really hard to give them so much benefit since it was from Fans. And even if not from fans, still don't treat indigenous people like this (common sense, no?). I know some of the crew are white and, or at this point, privileged to do what they can and probably never had to deal with the unique oppression indigenous people do as most humans never will. But, still. They have to get over it. Read the letter and understand it, and stop trying to act like any criticism is the end of your world/jobs. It will be if most of them don't learn from this incident.
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bloggingboutburgers · 3 months ago
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Tbh I feel like going to the US while the Nazis are in power is suicidal. So of course I don't understand your choice of going instead of your SO coming to Europe. But while I don't understand, I wish and pray for you to be safe. Whatever you choose, I hope you guys will be okay
You might be right. I have no idea what the future has in store or if I'll come to regret it. But I've already stated my reasons. As it stands, with the year-long process we've already started and that we can't just flip on a dime overnight, my partner can't come and stay in Europe legally just like that. Legal immigration is not that easy in one way or the other. Also... Yeah, I've stated that before, but one shouldn't underestimate how shitty things have been getting in Europe for the past few years as well, and how the influence of the US (which is huge) is likely to make things worse. So again I'm not 100% sure whether that'd have been better anyway.
Also also... Ima be real, I've shared that before, but the time where I was separated from my partner due to the travel ban was the only time in my life where I had actual suicidal ideation. I don't want this to happen again. That's why I'm making moves so it doesn't, first and foremost.
#tw sui ideation#tw sui talk#again i can't just pick and choose it's actually a really tough process and not just something i can go willy nilly about#it's a bit of a headache having people telling me otherwise#i'll do what i can and we'll keep doing our best to stay safe but it's not like i can just switch roads overnight#i wish i could but it's never as simple#or maybe it is for people who are already us citizens i have no idea#but i'm not quite sure#either way tbh i'm not sure moving to europe as so many people are throwing in online rn is that great a solution either#europe is the us's playground and geopolitically its bitch#some things definitely are better than in the us but in a world where money rules everything i don't feel it's quite as fool proof#as everyone makes it sound#as someone who was born and raised there respectfully#who's felt that influence for life#and btw as someone who also grew up not speaking english and who had to painstakingly learn#don't think you can just move to a random country you can't speak the language of and that everyone will be as nice about it#as if you were a tourist#language is important#my partner doesn't speak my country's language#so yep there's that#i've already said that several times anyway it's getting tiresome#we COULD have tried for the UK in a timeline where those dumbasses didn't choose to leave the EU#but that ship sailed almost 10 years ago#i wonder if anyone realizes that#sorry for saying that after such a wall of text but thank you for the concern though sincerely
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loderlied · 2 months ago
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sharing some thoughts about deactivating here because it’s been difficult pondering idk.
#god i really really don’t want to do this. but i have to but i don’t want to but i have to but i don’t want to. and so on. you get the gist#though i guess i am more not wanting to let go of an idea or fantasy rather than reality#like i always wanted to be an active participant in fun oc art fandom writing etc etc communities#but all i really did was make way too many people uncomfortable with my worthless stuff.#like it and me are just not built for interacting with people lmao. especially when it comes to stuff like my characters or uh.#i don’t know you can’t call it art or writing just uh. creations i guess.#and like i knew that before i made this blog but then people started interacting with me and i thought hey maybe this’ll work out maybe i#can be better and then i so wasn’t. and for that i am very sorry.#(and i mean this is not the main reason why i feel like i have to do this but i can’t just go back like nothing happened on here lmao.#i deleted 90% of my shana posts i had/am having a crashout i gotta at least follow through after being so embarrassing#after being even more insufferable than usual haha. and if i stayed there would be even more people who feel obligated to stay around#i feel. and i so don’t want that. so just one more reason why i gotta be brave and just fucking do it.)#also i do realise that there’s the possibility of not deactivating and just logging off and leaving but every time i took a break like that#i always like felt a bit ‘better’/delusional & thought it’d be ok to return. sure that’ll happen again.which is why i have to be so drastic#like even if i made a new blog i know myself well enough to know that i’ll be too embarrassed to reach out to anyone again.#so it would really be a working solution to this problem. i really should just do it.#romeo’s wretched rambles#also a message to everyone telling me that they like shana and that he’s not a shit character to obsess over & more importantly share#with folks: appreciate the sentiment but there’s a lot of his evil you don’t know about.#i was implying some stuff here and there and some people i��ve told more privately but even they are missing like 25% of the shana.#those being the absolute worst parts of him. i am still absolutely obsessed with him but that’s my error to fix and i can’t subject#people to that anymore in good conscience. seeing people say they like him actively feels like i’m pulling a shana myself and deceiving#people with lies of omission sometimes. remember that lol. obviously ik that there r big differences but sometimes it just feels awful stil#so maybe he’s better contained in a separate private blog that i can torch once i get over this rot and just be done with this fucking char#again i don’t mean to say that i don’t appreciate the support but i’m sure many of your guys’ opinions would change If You Knew. you know.#(god. with the lies of omission thing. every day i learn more abt how i subconsciously write things that make me deeply uncomfortable lol)#(and that i fear. like. that wasn’t even intentional when i gave him that trait. i just realised that while typing this pointless mess lmao#anyways. thanks for readin if you made it this far. send me anon hate or something. hit me with an anvil and spit on my corpse if you will#i hope that at least by the end of this week i will have put my brave pants on and decided on what to do. sorry for being so annoying.
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mochiwrites · 1 year ago
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being so honest I don’t understand how people can expect you to be doing things constantly every single day. I’m supposed to be on summer break but my university expects me to send in 80 sources for my senior thesis by next week
the very thought of doing school work right now makes me want to cry. I can’t even open a blank document and start writing for my own fics. I can’t even engage in my own hobby right now because I’m so mentally exhausted. how can you expect me to do thesis work? I’ve hardly had a break since finals
my personal life has been an ongoing shitshow since last summer. and has only gotten worse in recent months. how can you expect someone to function in society when you throw one thing after another at them?
I’m so tired and done. but I have no choice other than pushing through it because that’s what’s expected of me! that’s exhausting
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vimbry-moved · 5 months ago
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there is no nobility in suffering. turn on the SAD lamp
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diseaseriddencube · 1 year ago
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I wonder if the writing team was different between season 3, 4 and 5. each season has a different feel and it's really off-putting
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floral-hex · 2 months ago
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finally, after waiting since November, I got to see an endocrinologist today. didn’t go great. As soon as I said I was going through with surgery, he got this look on his face like I’d just told him I beat dogs with hammers. Kinda tried to scare me away from it and get me to just take meds, but he relented and said to just take the meds anyway. Listen, dude, I get you’re pissed I got my neurosurgery consult first, but that’s only because your office dragged their feet & wouldn’t see me for months. Did you think I would sit around, do nothing, and feel like shit bc I should have waited for you? You can’t show up to the end of the game and complain about how it’s played…. So anyway, I’m very grumpy today.
#I’m just… so upset with this dude#I find out I have a cyst in my head and they tell me they can’t see me for months#I get his office is busy and I’d be more accommodating of that IF he hadn’t acted like I snuck behind his back and was impatient#and then he didn’t even know my medical history before he started telling me surgery wasn’t a good idea#he hadn’t even looked at one of my MRIs. didn’t care what the MRI techs & other DRs wrote#and he has the gall to say hey you should have seen me first and just taken meds#meds which he said multiple times might not even affect the tumor!#like… he wants me to wait another 6 months on meds to see if it helps#and all the side effects are symptoms I already have#so what’s the trade off? instead of just scooping it out I get to suffer in hopes that maybe it’ll all work out#seriously. he said it might not shrink it. just deal with some of the hormonal symptoms#so I just keep this big fucker in there squishing the shit out of my pituitary? that’s your solution#believe me. I’m scared shitless of surgery. big big anxiety.#but I want it OUT. I’m tired of feeling like this. and the surgery team made me feel waaaaay better about their option than he did with his#like. the neurosurgery team was nice and patient and answered all of my questions and made me feel like I was in good hands#meanwhile the endocrinologist is slagging off neuro saying of course they want to operate and that there’s a solid chance they’ll fuck up#what a cool dude#BIG FUCKING SARCASM#I thought ‘At least he was nice’ when I left but the longer time passes after that appointment the angrier I get#fuuuuuck you dude#I was scared before but at least I felt comfortable with my team. but this guy is like ‘hmmm but what if they fuck you up huh? huh? huh?’#hey… take it from me friends… don’t get sick. just don’t do it. I don’t know why I did. dumb decision on my part 🥴#god this is so much… information. too much.#I just need to complain to everyone who’ll listen#I’ve got BIG FEELINGS and I don’t know where to put them!#you can ignore this#text
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thatone-churro · 7 months ago
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this is probably gonna make no sense but i swear there is something physically wrong with me but only w/ my head like the rest of my body feels fine but like. i’ve been kinda lightheaded and woozy since i woke up today and at first i thought it was because i had just woken up from like 8 hours of sleep in the middle of the day but no and then i thought it was because i was super hot because i was wearing a hoodie and tall socks and pants like the idiot i always am but no then i thought i was just whipping around too quickly doing laundry but no then i thought maybe it’s being inside so i went to the balcony but no and it feels like my thoughts are like super jumbled too like i swear i HAVE thoughts and i HAVE feelings rn but i cannot make sense of them or even really describe them and i’m begging that it’s just over me not eating a whole lot this weekend (which. not wanting to be up and move around makes it kind of hard to get up and get food across campus) because i don’t want to go through this week like this. i hope it’s either that or i’m dying because like. either simple fix or nothing to worry about because there’d be nothing to do y’know? finality on either end or whatever
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adelaidedrubman · 2 years ago
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also i think i am having a bad allergic reaction to the mold in my office. there’s mold in my office btw
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sillyangstfic · 9 months ago
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Woke up and got to thinking again! First off, I think that Felix would at least appreciate becoming human because staying a sentimonster would mean outliving everyone he loves and I don't think he's emotionally stable enough for that. Neither is Adrien. But I've taken your input and have reworked it: instead of making them fully human, the potion just makes their human side more dominant. This makes it so that they're less durable than a sentimonster but more than the average human + them no longer being tied to an amok (or their own heart/soul/brain becomes the amok). Why do I want this? Just for the sake of one fucking scene:
Gabriel, paranoid that Felix was onto him, stole the ring that used to be his amok. Adrien and Felix confront Gabriel in his Hawkmoth lair for everything, all the pain and suffering he caused. When Gabriel's usual bullshit doesn't work, he tries to use to amoks to force the pair into obedience. Except it doesn't work and he bluescreens at his loss of control. Adrien and Felix transform and Gabriel fucking loses it. Cue super awesome emotional battle between Chat Noir & Argos VS Hawkmoth while they wait for the rest of team miraculous to show up.
Also, hot take: Amélie should be the one to kill off Gabriel. The bastard spent years neglecting her nephew, deprived her sister of a good death sorrounded by loved ones, tried to kill her nephew on multiple occasions, and tried to kill her son. There's also an element of FINALLY having a competant adult in the room because all of team miraculous are CHILDREN and Fu did jack shit for them. They need a competant adult to take care of them and handle the problem's they never should've had in the first place.
Seriously just let her casually walk up to Gabriel and stab him and just leave him for dead as she moves on to care for her kids.
Bonus: You are absolutely right, we should've had a PeaDragonSnake (PDS) trio. Be it platonically, a polycule, or just a Golden Trio scenario where only two are dating but the three are so inseparable that you can't tell who's dating who. Personally I'm partial to the final option with FeLuka + Bi Kagami desperately pining for Zoé. Zoé is pining just as hard but is too much of a gay disaster to approach and Chloé is making Kagami travel to The Lands of fucking Morder and retrieve the Sword from the Stone just to prove herself worthy of even considering dating her sister. Here are the fics that converted me: FeLuka & ZoeGami.
I have a particular scene in mind where the trio is just blackout drunk. Kagami is serenading really bad poetry to describe Zoé's beauty while Felix & Luka are just making out in the background. Amelie picks them up before clothes start flying. Cut to another bar where its Chloe, Sabrina, and Adrien blackout drunk. Chloe is smugly recording Adrien being pathecially whiny that Marinette isn't picking up (it's like 2 am) and is starting to cry while Zoe is having gay panic at how pretty Kagami is in that photo. She shares it with the whole class.
In addition, Kagami's confrontation with her mother should've been a sword fight on top of a skyscraper in the middle of a storm. There's a barrier preventing Chat Noir and Ladybug from entering, on one side ya got Kagami (no miraculous, just a cool sword blessed by Longg) and on the other ya got (willingly) akumatized Tomoe. Tomoe is spouting her usual controlling bullshit while Kagami is silent and glaring daggers at her mother. The only other people in the dome are Luka and Felix who refuse to leave Kagami without backup. Cue epic fight scene that ends with Tomoe losing both her arms and a leg. Kagami also loses a few chunks of skin. It ends with Kagami taking away her mother's ring and disowning her as a traitor to the Tsurugi clan unworthy of the name (oh how the turns have tabled). Meanwhile Tomoe is absolutely terrified of how beastial her daughter became and backs off. Both stubborn bitches refuse Ladybug's miracle cure cause they need the scars to remember. (inspiration)
After that, conversation at the Tsurugi household is practically dead. Tomoe is ashamed at her loss and breaks just thinking about her prosthetics. Meanwhile, Kagami healed rather nicely (curtesy of the side effects) and is thriving while she switches between the Couffaine boathouse and the Graham de Vanily penthouse.
Ykw that scene’s pretty good human!senticousins propaganda
Also hello? How is this the first I’m hearing of this. Amelie should absolutely get to murder Gabe
Thank you for the fics also, Ima go read those
Okokok while I am a Feligami shipper, Zogami hits like hello? Oh yeah. Up there with Kagaminette for me
I think Kagami should get to write bad poetry about whoever her love interest is, and also anything and anything. I think she should be our Martin Blackwood and write horrible poetry for us
Chole getting blackmail material I see
Kagami sword fight?! Kagami sword fight?! Hell yes
Here’s my idea for that: I like the storm bit, and the showdown, top of a building is peak, but instead of Felix and Luka being there, them trying to be there, to support Kagami, but like LB and CN being unable to due to the storm
Hear me out: Kagami’s mother figures out that she’s the dragon miraculous user and uses that to get her alone on the roof, and then confronting her by handing Kagami (still transformed) her sword. Kagami, knowing she’s caught, decides to detransform and fight her mother like that, as her daughter. They battle and eventually Kagami wins, and her mother rejects the akuma on her own, accepting the loss
As a foil to Gabe, I’d have her mother learn from her mistakes. She cuts off her deals with Gabe and grows closer with her daughter. She listens to her wants more, and while she’s still strict and has high expectations, she also becomes more lenient about letting Kagami do what she wants and enjoys
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arielluva · 8 months ago
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one good thing about school being back in session at least is that my sleep schedule is more normal now. during the summer i was consistently staying up until 4 am but now i get tired at 12/1 am. which is much better
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rosekasa · 2 years ago
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my motivation to draw increased exponentially as soon as i started splitting up my drawing time into 'art that i am committed to finishing' and 'art that i expect to be ugly'
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capinejghafa · 2 years ago
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Ok, so maybe going outside and doing things did improve my mental health slightly...
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visdiefje · 2 years ago
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Man I can't wait until I can recover alone for a while
#I was alone in my apartment today and put together a standing clotheshanger shoerack combo#and it was actually so nice to do stuff and NOT receive verbal feedback I didn't ask for#I actually HATE when I start to do things wrong and immediately there's an audible no no no#it makes me feel like I Have to be on top of things and do them right immediately so everyone can be silent to me about it#trying to navigate life without triggering an unskippable cutscene as it were#if I do it on my own I will find out I'm going about it the wrong way soon enough#and I'll correct it#no nitpicking needed just using my time and brain to find a solution#it makes me feel so much better about myself#I'm already starting to see why I've always felt so incapable and inadequate. I can tell I really need this#I'm really curious what else I can do now that I'm allowed to figure it out in silence#more than ever reaffirmed that auditory is my quickest sense to wear me out/overstimulate#which is why reveiving verbal feedback I have to interpret makes me want to fly into a rage sometimes#because I NEVER get enough time to figure it out. they see me not change my course of action immediately and they take it out of my hands#it feels so. crowded and like nothing is in my control#give me time. give me space to breathe. let me make a mistake and understand firsthand why it's a mistake#please please please stop narrating everything to me. please. can we be quiet for a while.#you can sit with me but please don't tell me anything.#bien rambles
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bucketkicked · 1 year ago
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okay so!! I’m gonna try out the tiniest new format change.
to help differentiate between muses in posts, I’m gonna start using emojis at beginnings of posts. it’ll most likely look something like this:
[💕]- text here
I will be sure to update my muse list to have the emojis by the names they’re matching.
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officiallydriedkelp · 1 year ago
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I watched Troll on Netflix, and i really do not know how to feel about it. It was alright, and it gave me emotions but it just flushed all my emotions down the drain and had the troll die in the end anyway. Even though he did nothing wrong! And they kinda still treated it like a win???
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