#now i literally spend 30 mins drawing whatever and then 1 hour drawing an actual piece and i just.

[rosekasa]

my motivation to draw increased exponentially as soon as i started splitting up my drawing time into 'art that i am committed to finishing' and 'art that i expect to be ugly'

[sjru]

[Blog] Bday wishes, whereabouts, etc

Ding ding, is that time of the year for me again! The time where I ramble about my upcoming birthday and whatnot.

I recon I "could have" writen more blogs in this year, but the reality of which is that I feel more compelled to write when I feel slightly down and I want to rant about something.

This time I don't feel down or want to rant about something 'particular' but more about talking this year whereabouts and wishes.

You see, from last year to this year, I DID have several wishes accomplished, some very good actually~ and fortunately that made my mood to be overall much better and have a somewhat better perspective on my own life itself.

It could be much better, however. It could have been MUCH better, and that comes with regret.  

Regret of past choices, because now I focus on art, I could have, focused on art before but instead I chosed another path when I just got out of high school that did not end up being the path in the end I wanted and I literally wasted almost 5 years of my life.

Had I have the same drive at that time right now I would be much ahead and instead of playing "catch up" I would be just at the same level of the art pals I get inspiration from (And often sadly treat me like an NPC instead of an equal).  

Sadly I did not. There's nothing much you can do about the past I guess, is not like you can go back or something and change things for the best (I would certainly go in bitcoins ahha). And while, yes, I recon I look back to the past and ramble too much time about the "what ifs" specially when  I go to sleep, (I know I spend at least 30 mins rambling in the bed with my mind, I shouldn't do that).    

Yes, I have to look into the future, I guess. For better or worse, if I compare myself to peers of my age I am what you can call a borderline "loser". Because, in theory I don't have a formal job (Does freelancing a lil count ?), no friends IRL I can hang out with (Well I know people but they never want to do something <.> !!) aaaand in a 'somewhat small town' that is too far away from everyone I relate to be feasible visitations without a vacation size budget. (Which I don't have, mind you I am not rich!)

No, I don't know how to drive (I could have if I wanted or needed, but I don't, there's good transportation on this 'lil town'). And yes I live in a comfortable place. So there's not any sort of urgency or whatever the like unlike many friends I have that do have issues and I don't want to sound petty or anything so I don't complain about how things are here.

Because yes, being in a relatively comfortable place and situation does make me sound entitled or petty if I dare to desire something such as visiting friends that live far away. Or does it? I dunno, I guess my goals from now are somewhat set on

Getting better at art

Getting an actualy active art pals group that I can relate, learn from, help and chill with. Online and IRL if possible

Actually getting noticed by those that admire and I want to learn from and not being just an afterthought NPC that's too cheerful usually and annoying.

Somehow manage to visit those friends that live a lil far away and I'd love to meet anyways like in a con? (I mean I'd love that)

Getting a real group of friends that I actualyl feel comfortable with doing voice or other activities, art or not, that's something I haven't really achieved or have.

For short/long term material goals I think for now I am pretty much satisfied; mostly?

Getting the GPU that got fried properly repaired is a priority for sure, otherwise save up and buy a new one, along with new PC parts.

I have an Ipad that I managed to save up by drawing lines, so my another desire of a somewhat cintiq thing done. (It's not perfect but I like it so far with that duet display app, it "works" let's say the least)

So I guess that ultimately would be a way to go to a con, and that's pretty much it, for sure I'd like a new phone down the line haha, mine's getting really short on battery life lately, like 1 hour or so it lasts! Crazy! And it has a cracked screen so... (While I love the latest tech gear I am not really convinced about dropping dunno how much on the latest sanmsung and geeze the latest iphone is more than a thousand haha)

Anyways, if you managed to read up till here (Without skipping), you are either genuinely interested on what I'm saying, just care enough to do so or dunno, maybe I am an interesting dragon after all?

I'd say this cuz, despite what others may think, I am not talked to by that many people, I'm never at the point of being overwhelmed with chats and unable to haggle everyone. This is important cuz I heard some ppl are maybe, dunno, afraid of "bothering me"? I am usually the one that bothers so if you feel like that don't worry XD I don't bite (But I feel that if you aren't into the things I am into probably  I won't be able to relate to you that much, sorry 'bout that :v.

So yeah, closing notes, yes my birthday is this 28th november and I'll be going to brazil (Yeahh!!) for a week, since 2003 I don't go there... mind you, long time <.>.

And via bus, wish it would be via plane, I never been into a plane... (Or seen snow uwu). I have some friends on brazil, shame they can't go to the place I am going cuz it's far away, bleh.  There's so many ppl I would like to give a hug and talk a lil.

Last words, I know I can 'be a lil annoying' and a tad hyper with some ppl, and ultimately anxious if I see they read a message and don't end up replying on a messenger like telegram.  Yass, I know, blabla. A weakness of mine. Can't help up getting paranoid when other ppl actually just been actively ignoring me and y'know it gets kinda hard to not wonder if you did something to upset that person or not that you don't get a proper reply at all.

But if I DO get annoying just let me know, I'll try to tone it down, if it's your workflow or things you do. I do understand, I know I am not perfect and I don't pretend to be, but I had too many bad experiences from ppl that did these things to me that it gets a sour tate on my  mouth of doing the exact same thing again that I am trying to avoid.

The same way I am tolerant and I try to understand others that have certain issues, I expect a reasonable same treatment uwu. (FYI I never block people, noone on twitter, telegram, shame not everyone shares the mantra of "the block button is to stop dedicated harrassment" not a 'I win discussion" button.)

So yeah haha, that's pretty much it for now, probably I would end up writing when I'm back from the vacation thing? Would have been my bday and all that sazz.... I AM bad with dates so I don't really expect ppl to remember  mine bday unless I actually broadcast it somewhat frequently so there you go.  I do usually forget other's dates. I am not a bad person okay xd, too much things to keep up with uwu.

If for whatever reason you want to gift me something, I prefer non material gifts like art, stuff that you can actually share with others =3. Not games! I already have enough of those haha. (I get stuck with Stellaris anyways). But of course, a nice lil message makes my day ^^. And if you forget ,that's fine too, I do forget stuff too, don't feel bad if you do!. I know you don't hate me! (I hope hah...)♫

So thanks for reading this up, I guess this ended up sounding more personal? That's not bad right? Oh and yeah, I'll make a new ref of me. Yes I'd do 4 fingers, lil toony dragon~. And a feral version. That's all!

[milantilmarch]

Happy 1 Month Anniversary Milano

Cheers to Italy & my beautiful city I am so fortunate to call home until March! Today marks exactly 1 month that I have spent in Milan

Here I want to reflect on what the first month has really been like. And share some photos to my very photo-less blog. 

So, here we go!

I left the United States from JFK on Saturday, January 6th. I had taken a direct flight to Malpensa Milano with my soon to be roommate in Milan who I had met at our gate. She and I flew one of the most horrendous flights. Long story short, everything that went wrong could have gone wrong, but thankfully the flight was safe & our plane didn't fall out of the sky. 

Our flight was an over night one. I couldn't sleep. Sure I slept an hour here and there, but it wasn't an honest rest. We landed at Malpensa International 3 hours later than our scheduled arrival. Had gotten picked up by the driving arrangements courtesy of our housing, and had gotten checked into our apartment around noon Sunday January 7th. 

So, landing on a Sunday sounded like a great idea. We could hit the ground running Monday morning, beginning our crash course of learning italian for 2 weeks, spend the whole day getting settled in, unpacked, all that. Come to realize and experience first hand that Sundays in Italy are sacred. Yes I understood that Italy was a religious country, but not so religious that everything was literally closed. After unpacking and settling in a little, my roommate and I were quite famished from our disastrous flight, and went on a hunt for some food and groceries to stock our fridge. Obviously, we didn't know where ANYTHING was. And we also didn't know that EVERYTHING would be closed. I won't ever forget, aimlessly walking around the areas nearby our apartment, searching for an open restaurant, an open anything just to get something to eat. We ended up finding a spot, and asked the cashier where the nearest grocery store was to go shop at. After a 10 minuet walk in the father direction of our apartment, we walked through a very damp and wet city, realizing that Sundays are a day of rest, recover, and worship in this country.

Got home, and began to prepare for the week. We had 2 weeks of survival Italian courses at a well known language school called Linguadue. I had taken Italian 101 at my college all fall semester prior to leaving, so I knew the very VERY basics. Combating jet lag, adjusting to a new city, and wishing my mom was here for this entire experience, naturally resulted in me skipping a handful of those courses. 

My first 2 weeks in Milano were quite grueling. Our schedule was language class from 9-12 with a 30 min. break, then class with the chair of the fashion department from Buffalo State from 1-5. I really enjoyed class with my professor Dr. Boorady, much more than my language classes at Linguadue. Our school was in a beautiful & perfectly positioned location of Milan. Corso Buenos Aires. 

We did so much sight seeing, so much exploring, chased the tail end of mens fashion week, and so much more that is a huge blur in my memory now (thank god I took pictures of everything I did). We visited various shopping districts, between luxury and lower end brands, different neighborhoods of Milan, sooo many breath taking cathedrals, and more. Since there were only 3 fashion students from Buffalo State here doing internships, we were a small intimate group. 2 design students and 1 merchandising student aka me. And we really made our own class schedule every day for those first 2 weeks. We were given a course syllabus and journal. We have a project due at the end of our internships when we return to the states. And the journal is for documenting everything we see, feel, experience, smell, eat, learn, obtain inspiration, you name it. I actually carry it around everywhere. And almost have used it every single day, event into the first couple weeks of my internship. Sometimes I’ll take it out at a restaurant or cafe and just write. Draw. Jot down whatever. We have to hand the journal in when we get back, then well get it back once Dr. B is done grading our assignments. I’m really looking forward to holding onto that journal for ever. 

We visited so many museums, so many window displays, so many libraries, and I’m just going to let the pictures speak for themselves here.  My next post will be about the start of my internships and adventures in-between shifts. Enjoy!

CiaoCiao!