#this episode is gay no matter how you slice it

[teruel-a-witch]

Danny's face journey in this scene is absolutely priceless, he's so green with jealousy it's actually a wonder you can see him against the greenery. He doesn't say a word but his face says it all.

he can feel justified in his suspicions all along and insist it was about a gut feeling not jealousy but the truth is this was his immediate reaction to seeing Steve's closeness with another man that wasn't him. He had no reason to be suspicious of anything in this instant he just looks scandalised that Steve had other....friends before him 😏

Verdict: The accusations of jealousy stand.

[theteasetwrites]

Heart of the House

❧ Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Female Reader ❧ Era: Season 9/10 Interim (The Beginning Is the End Is the Beginning series) ❧ Pronouns: she/her ❧ Warnings: mild swearing ❧ Word Count: 6.5k

❧ Summary: You're gone on a week long run, and Daryl is struggling to keep it together.

❧ A/N: Just sort of a slice of life piece from The Beginning series. This takes place between the last episode of season 9 and the first episode of season 10, so the Whisperers are still at large, and Lydia has taken refuge at the Dixons' house. I really wanted to write something that actually doesn't have a lot of the reader character in it, but is mostly Daryl's perspective and him being a dad and trying to take care of Robin and Lydia on his own, and of course I had to include just how much he misses his wife. I also wanted to put in another conversation between Daryl and Aaron, as I really hate how in the show they kind of forgot about their friendship (I have been told that the conversation reads slightly... gay. Do with that information what you will, but it is not intentional, and Daryl and Aaron do not want to sleep with each other in this universe, for the record). Anyway, enjoy this little snippet from The Beginning series!

It didn’t feel like home, about that much Daryl was certain.

He awoke as usual, around 5AM. Force of habit made him quiet as a mouse as he rose from his side of the bed, though there was really no reason to do so. You weren’t there, and he knew that, but God forbid he ever not pretend you were there. He needed it for his own sanity.

Routine, that was what kept Daryl going. At one point in his life, when he was drifting aimlessly alongside Merle, living like a nomad in whatever part of Georgia allowed him to be there, he didn’t care much about routine. Whatever Merle said was going to happen was going to happen. Nothing else really mattered.

It wasn’t until he met you and the others that he found himself needing constants, promises that the next day wouldn’t be too different from the last. The world around him might’ve ended then, but that was when his world began. That was when he met you, and everything before that didn’t really matter anymore. It ended with everything else. He didn’t know why he had survived, but he found meaning in you. If he had survived to keep you safe, then that was a good enough reason to keep staying alive.

He couldn’t keep you safe, though, when you were gone. 

As he rubbed his sleep-heavy eyes, crossing the bedroom to the chest of drawers, he wondered what you were doing right about now. Probably sleeping, or keeping watch as the others slept, or waking up to continue your journey into the city.

This expedition was an annual affair. Every year since he’d finished building the library, you organized a week-long run into Washington, D.C., making a stop at each and every library in the city to add to Alexandria’s growing collection. Citizens would make requests, and whatever they asked for, you’d be sure to find for them. 

He never went, as much as he wanted to. 

You wouldn’t let him, in fact. This is my thing, you’d say, and then usually go on and on about how you didn’t want everyone in Alexandria to think you were just a housewife, or that you did nothing important for the community. You always cared too much about what other people thought of you, and Daryl knew that, but he didn’t have the heart to tell you not to care. Caring was what you did best.

Afterall, he had his hunting expeditions he’d go on throughout the year, and almost every big run required his involvement, so who was he to tell you that you couldn’t go on your own run? It was hard to be away from you, and it was even harder to imagine anything happening to you, but he had to just hope you’d come back home in one piece, and that he wouldn’t set the house on fire while you were gone.

So far, he’d handled things well every time you left. He kept Robin, Lydia, and Dog alive, though they, too, felt an emptiness in the house when you were gone. 

Dog would roam the house for at least a day, sniffing everything and whining by the door. He curled up on your side of the bed during the day, his way of wondering where you were. 

Lydia still didn’t show her feelings much, but she did seem a little uneasy. She had already asked Daryl twice if you were going to be all right out there without him, and he’d of course say “yes,” but he would’ve felt better if he was out there, too, watching your back. 

And Robin… The poor thing was terrified. 

When the incident at the border happened six months ago, Robin began to understand the terrible threat that was the Whisperers. They’d beheaded Aunt Tara, Aunt Bev, Henry… She feared the same fate would meet her mother. She had night terrors a few days after you left, resulting in her screaming herself awake and nearly giving Daryl a heart attack. 

She had always had nightmares, and sleepwalked, but it was worse when you were gone, especially now. 

At least the week was halfway over, and soon you’d be home again, he hoped. He even prayed, despite not believing they would go anywhere. He had to try, in the sanctity of his own mind. 

As he opened the top drawer, pulling out a clean pair of underwear to replace the one he’d been sleeping in, Dog nuzzled the door open with his snout, panting excitedly to wrap around the bed and take his place curled up on your side of the bed. 

“Hey, buddy,” said Daryl quietly, mindful not to wake his daughter, and the teenage girl he was now beginning to see as his daughter, too. 

He crossed to the closet as he adjusted his belt, reaching in to pull out whichever dark colored button-up, quarter length sleeve shirt seemed to please him the most today. As usual, he noticed the stark contrast between his side of the closet and yours—one was dark and monotone, with very few garments and two pairs of shoes (his “nice” ones, and his “work” ones, both of which looked exactly the same to you), while the other took up most of the space in the closet, with a rainbow of dresses, blouses, and skirts, all organized by length and color. The librarian in you needed everything in the house to be categorized in some way, to have a “database,” as you would say, for easy retrieval. That included your clothes. 

In the bathroom, he brushed his teeth and fixed his hair, another force of habit, since he only cared what his hair looked like when you were around. After spitting out his toothpaste, he peered back into the bedroom to meet Dog’s big, glassy brown eyes. His nose was pitifully sandwiched between his outstretched legs. The canine let out a big, dramatic huff, then a low whine. 

“What?” Daryl asked the dog as he buttoned his shirt. “What’s wrong with you?”

He knew the answer, as it was the same answer to what plagued him, too. Sitting beside the dog, resting his hand upon his back to pet him, he sighed in solidarity. “You miss your mama, don’t you? Yeah, I miss ‘er, too… She’ll be back real soon.”

The dog followed him down the hall, part of their little routine. Next on the agenda was checking in on Robin, then Lydia. Robin’s room was across the second floor landing on the other side of the stairs, so he crossed over, Dog close behind, both moving quietly. 

Robin’s door was ajar, as usual, with the only light in her room coming from her nightlight. He could usually see her little sleeping face as she laid curled up, safe and warm in her bed, but he didn’t see anything, not even the familiar shape of her body tucked beneath the blankets.

His eyes widened as he approached. “Robin?” he whispered into the darkness. “You in here?”

Dog quickly jumped on the bed, himself noticing the missing child, who was always in her bed at this time. 

“Shit!” 

She wasn’t there. He flicked on the light on her bedside table, confirming the child was missing. “Robin!” he yelled out. 

Panic ensued then, as every horrible thought about what could’ve happened to his only child flooded every part of his anxious mind. 

She was only five years old, six in a few months… Too young to be anywhere on her own, as far as he was concerned. Too young to not be in her bed at this hour. Of course, she could’ve been anywhere else in the house, but he didn’t think of that. His mind went to the worst possible scenario. After all, it wouldn’t be the first time she was snatched from her home by an intruder. It could’ve happened again.

He wasted no time, skipping several steps down the stairs as he ran to pick up his crossbow, completely out of instinct. “Robin!” he cried out again. 

Dog sensed his master’s incredible stress, and bounded towards the door leading to the basement, where Lydia lived.

He couldn’t be bothered to focus on the dog, who was now scratching at the door as Daryl quickly tied his boots. It wasn’t until he heard Lydia’s voice call out to him that he stopped, turning to look at the teenager as she held Robin’s hand in her own.

Daryl sighed in deep relief, dropping his bow and wiping the sweat off his brow. He should’ve known she’d be in Lydia’s room, as the two girls seemed to be developing a sisterly rapport, with Robin often hanging around Lydia’s feet.

“Robin,” he huffed. “Why aren’t ya in bed?” He spoke softly, despite the fatherly concern in his voice. 

Robin rubbed her tired eyes and shrugged. “You woke us up.”

He scoffed and shook his head. “No, why aren’t ya in your bed?” 

“She had a nightmare,” answered Lydia. “She was scared. I told her to see you but she wanted to sleep with me… Sorry.”

Lydia slumped her shoulders, feeling a little guilty, though she’d done nothing wrong. Still, she was used to adults scolding or hurting her for the most minor things. It was hard to get used to the absence of that after so long.

He approached slowly and took Robin’s little hand in his. She blinked sleepily at her father, prompting him to pick her up in his arms, as if just yesterday she was a little seven pound baby.

“Don’t be sorry,” he replied. “Just got worried s’all. You all right?” There was no reason to ask, other than the simple fact that Lydia was family now. You cared about her, Robin cared about her, and he cared about her. 

“Mhm,” she said with a nod. “I’m gonna go back to bed.” She reached over to kiss Robin’s cheek. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” he answered for the child. 

As he slowly carried Robin back to her room, she must’ve realized what was happening as she woke from her state of half-sleep.

“Daddy?”

He pulled back her covers with one hand and stroked her back with the other. It had soothed her ever since she was a baby. “Yeah?” he whispered back.

“I miss Mama.”

He sighed and laid her down on the soft mattress, always moving her with the care one might show a delicate porcelain doll. After all, to him, she was one of the two most precious things in the world. He wouldn’t dare imagine hurting her.

“Me too,” he said, tucking her back in as he usually did. “But she’ll be back, little bird. She’s just fine. Now you go right back to sleep.” He finished the final touches on his tuck, making sure her blankets were completely swaddling her body, just the way she liked. “There. Snug as a bug in a rug.”

She smiled softly at the familiar quote. He said it every night he tucked her in, without fail. Routine. 

“I don’t want another nightmare,” she said sadly. “I don’t ever have good dreams no more.”

He sighed, sitting himself on the edge of her bed as his hand reached over to gently brush back her bangs. “Since the Whisperers?”

She lowered her eyes sheepishly, then nodded as if ashamed of her admission. In truth, Daryl had been having more nightmares since that day, too, but he’d always had bad dreams. His best dreams were ones with you and Robin, but even those could be nightmares. 

“Heard people say they might bring the walkers here. Is that true?”

How was he supposed to answer that?

“I don’t know,” he said honestly. In truth, everything was up in the air right now. No one truly knew anything, and the Whisperers had a nuclear bomb in their arsenal that could set off at any minute. It was terror, but at least the community had been training to defend themselves in case of an attack. 

“But they could?”

He sighed. “Robin…” He trailed off, unsure of what to say. He couldn’t say yes, even though that was the only option, considering he’d never lie to her. “You don’t need to worry about it. You just let me worry about it.”

She nodded solemnly, her eyelids becoming heavy and sleep threatening to overcome her. 

He smiled at her sleepy face, admiring how much she looked like you in this lighting, with that delicate softness. She was a beautiful little girl, gentle and kind. Sometimes he wondered if she’d make it in this world, beyond the walls, but then again, he wondered that when he first met you, too. Now you were leading your own expedition into the city.

He stood and leaned forward to kiss her forehead. “I love you, sweetheart,” he said. “You go and have a good dream.”

“About what?” she asked, blinking her sleepy eyes.

He smiled at her curiosity, so much like yours. “‘Bout the future,” he said. “‘Bout all the great things you’re gonna do, all the stories you’re gonna tell… Ain’t nothin’ Robin Elizabeth Dixon can’t do.”

She smiled softly, emitting a small giggle. “Okay, Daddy… I’ll try.”

“That’s my girl,” he said. “Go back to sleep. I’ll be downstairs, munchkin.”

“Love you.”

“Love you more.”

Dog stayed at the foot of Robin’s bed as Daryl headed back downstairs, making his way to the garage. There wasn’t much else to do at this hour but work on his bike, and try to fix that pesky vacuum leak. 

He lifted the garage door, no reason other than to watch the sunrise coming from that direction. It was another part of his routine, waking up early to work on the bike or some other thing that needed work, and to watch the sunrise until the real responsibilities of the day showed themselves. 

With the birth of the new day came a slow rise of the neighborhood, which he also enjoyed watching. Those who were on garden maintenance that day stepped out of their homes and congregated at the crops to tend to the first spring harvest. Some went for aimless walks, and others made their way to the dining hall for communal breakfast. 

They all waved to Daryl, some of them stopping to chat, though he couldn’t quite get the hang of small talk, not even after all these years. 

“How are you?”

“What’re you working on?”

“How about this weather?”

“How’re the kids?”

“When’s (Y/N) coming home?”

All questions he somehow found hard to answer, for one reason or another.

He took a break from his work to make the kids breakfast, despite not at all knowing how to cook for them, since that was usually your department. He could cook, but only meat-based dishes, and sometimes waffles—eggs and potatoes were a mystery to him. 

“Ah, shit!” he exclaimed, noticing he’d burnt the bread in the toaster. He’d already used a great deal of the house’s daily allotment of electricity on the several other pieces of bread he’d burnt. 

“Swear jar,” said Robin, who sat at the bar making the final touches to her latest drawing. 

He huffed and dug into his back pocket to reach his stash of old coins that had no use in this world, but Robin took a shine to them anyway. It was one way she learned about the presidents, a concept which fascinated her. Needless to say, the swear jar method did not really work in breaking Daryl’s habit for using naughty words, but it did help Robin develop her coin collection. 

He reached across the counter and handed the silver quarter to her. “You’re robbin’ me blind,” he said. “Toast’s burnt again.”

Sitting next to Robin at the bar, Lydia shook her head as she closed her textbook in frustration. “Goddamnit!”

“Swear jar,” Robin and Daryl said, almost simultaneously. 

The teenager rolled her eyes in response, then held out her hand to Daryl, waiting for him to give her a coin. He tugged out a copper penny, dropped it in her hand for her to drop it in Robin’s. “What’s up?” he asked, shoveling a few helpings of eggs and potatoes onto each of their plates. 

“I hate reading,” she said. “It’s useless anyway… I can’t finish this stupid story.”

As he served them their plates, he leaned over Lydia’s shoulder. “Show me,” he said. “I can read it to ya.”

“No,” she huffed. “I need to do it myself… (Y/N) usually helps me read.”

Another thing that only you could do, another emptiness in this house that couldn’t be filled by anyone else but you. He missed you, more than usual, and even then, he always missed you a lot when you were gone, but this time, he realized that the heart of the house was truly missing. Even Lydia was affected by it. Still, he was trying his best to fill your shoes, and to take care of the girls half as well as you did would be an accomplishment.

“Well, uh…” He cleared his throat and pulled up a seat at the bar. “I can try. She’s probably a better teacher than me, but I’ll try.”

“Can I help too?” asked Robin. “I like reading.”

“That’s because you’re good at it,” replied Lydia. “I suck.”

“You don’t suck,” said Daryl. “You’re still learnin’. Ain’t no shame in that.”

The three of them took each sentence one step at a time, Robin chirping in every once in a while to help Lydia pronounce a big word, and Daryl helped her understand the meanings of the words she read. She finished the story just in time for school, and though usually you walked the kids to the classroom, he walked them both, with Robin’s hand in his and Lydia reluctantly trailing shortly behind. 

At noon he helped replace a panel in the wall with a new, more durable sheet of corrugated metal, and in the afternoon he walked Robin home from school, leaving Lydia to her assigned duties at the library, which was your “task” for her while you were gone. 

In the evening, after showing Robin how to skin a squirrel (much to her disgust), he retreated back to the garage, as he had nothing else to do. You weren’t here, and around this time of day he’d sit with you, either on the porch swing or the couch or at the dining room table, and just talk. He’d never liked talking much before he met you, but he changed when you came into his life, and though talking still wasn’t his strong suit when it came to other people, when it came to you, he sometimes found himself talking too much, to the point he didn’t know he had that many words in him. 

If he sat on the porch swing or the couch or at the dining room table, he was convinced he might tear up a little, missing you too much to sit in your special places without you. It just didn’t seem right. Nothing seemed right when you were away, not even for a week.

So he kept working on that bike, and a few more days passed with more or less the same routine, though all those days suffered from a painful lack of you. 

One evening, the night before you were supposed to come home, he worked on the bike as usual, stopping only when his brother-in-law walked by the open garage door, then came in to inspect the bike. He always bonded over that with Daryl, and sometimes you wondered if Aaron came over to spend time with you or to admire Daryl’s bike.

“Hey,” he said, a wide smile on his face. He was always so damn chipper, though the years had worn him down, leaving him a little less tirelessly optimistic than he was several years ago. “Still working on that vacuum leak?”

“Nah,” replied Daryl, wiping the oil from his hands with his black rag as he shook his hair out of his face. “Fixed that a few days ago. Just maintenance.”

Aaron nodded, bending over to, once again, admire Daryl’s craftsmanship. He’d built the bike from scratch seven years ago, back before Negan and the Saviors. Aaron had helped supply him with parts, but it was all Daryl, and that was the moment he really knew he was going to get along with his sister’s boyfriend. 

“Well, she looks good,” said Aaron. “You still gotta teach me how to make one.” 

“Pfft,” he scoffed. “Yeah, maybe when ya learn to ride a bike without crashing.”

Aaron folded his arms, laughing softly under his breath. “I’ll wear a helmet. Anyway, came by to ask you if you’re game to go hunting tomorrow? I still gotta beat your record.”

Last time, Daryl had caught fifteen squirrels, nine rabbits, and three deer. Daryl hadn’t bothered to count, as he didn’t find much point in doing so, but some of the other men, whose competitiveness Daryl found tiring, had a semi-official competition going on—whoever brought home the biggest overall hunt that day would get extra rations for his household. The reward primarily served as motivation for the hunters to bring home as much food as possible, but Daryl wouldn’t have even participated if it weren’t for Aaron keeping track of his numbers and entering him in the competitions without his knowledge. Daryl had won every time his name was entered, earning the family an extensive amount of meat that only Daryl, Lydia, and Dog could eat, on account of yours and Robin’s vegetarianism. 

The whole thing was a silly result of Aaron’s brotherly meddling, to say the least. At least Daryl’s proficiency in hunting motivated the other hunters to catch more game, but it was well known in Alexandria that Daryl Dixon was the best hunter, though his humility and reluctance to admit that fact was both refreshing and slightly irritating. 

His humility, however, turned to slightly mischievous teasing when Aaron was around. After all, he was, essentially, the younger brother Daryl never had. 

“You ain’t gonna beat that,” he said. “Suburban kid.”

Daryl couldn’t pass up an opportunity to lightheartedly joke about Aaron’s childhood being spent in a cozy suburb of Richmond, Virginia, while Daryl was foraging for mushrooms and berries when he was just a little older than Robin. 

“This suburban kid’s gonna catch up to you one of these days,” he replied, swinging his metal arm to nudge Daryl’s shoulder. “I’ve got a new tracking technique I wanna try out, it’ll knock your socks off.”

Daryl huffed and lowered his gaze, more seriously now. “I ain’t goin’ nowhere tomorrow. (Y/N)’s comin’ home, gotta be there for her when she gets here.”

Aaron smiled at Daryl’s devotion to his wife. “Man, you are obsessed with my sister, you know that?”

“She’s my wife.”

“And you’re obsessed with her,” he laughed. “It’s a good thing, just… slightly annoying at times. Every time she leaves you act like half a person.”

“Half a person?”

“Yeah, like you’re… missing something. I guess you are.”

That was an understatement—he was missing everything without you. 

“Ain’t the same when she’s gone,” Daryl explained, trying to avoid Aaron’s eye contact as he put his tools away. “Home ain’t home. I mean, I can do things myself, but… it’s different. Robin’s nightmares get worse, and I dunno what to do for ‘er. Lydia needs help with ‘er school stuff, and I ain’t smart enough for that. (Y/N) always knows what to do. She runs this place, I just do what I can for ‘er and the girls, and Dog. Hell, Dog is runnin’ around the house lookin’ for ‘er, more than usual.”

Aaron could’ve sworn that was the most amount of words Daryl had spoken to him at once since they met seven years ago. “Wow, well, uh… House is still standing. Robin and Lydia are alive. You got them to school on time. I’d say you do just fine on your own.”

Daryl raised his head with wide eyes, suddenly realizing that Aaron was, in fact, a single dad. Not just for a week once out of the year, but for as long as he’d had Gracie. “Man,” he said. “I’m sorry.”

Aaron was taken aback. “Why are you sorry?”

Now Daryl felt like a fool once again. He’d made so many blunders with Aaron, once even drunkenly asking how sex works between two men, followed by a deep blush blooming on his cheeks. “Damnit, I… It ain’t that hard for me. I’m complaining. (Y/N)’s comin’ home tomorrow, and I’m actin’ like I do this all on my own, all the time.”

Aaron sighed and shook his head with a smile. How could that man be smiling, after everything he’d been through? 

“I think you’re just stressed,” he said. “She’ll be home tomorrow, and everything will feel normal again. You do this every year when she leaves, Daryl.”

“Yeah, I know. Just don’t get any easier.”

“It won’t.” 

Aaron had more or less convinced Daryl to go on a short hunt not too far outside the walls early that morning, and though it didn’t help take his mind off how worried he was about you, it certainly relieved a little bit of the stress of taking care of the house and its inhabitants.

When he returned home, Lydia was at the dining room table with Robin as they both did their homework together, a surprising turn of events, as Lydia was usually off practicing with her fighting stick.

For a while, Daryl watched in amusement as he prepared dinner, relishing in the sight of the girls getting along. 

Dog’s ears perked up when he heard the south gate opening, and there was only one group outside the walls—yours. 

The canine darted out the doggy door, leaping across the porch stairs and lunging towards the gate. 

“Dog!” bellowed Daryl, dropping an ear of corn he was about to show Robin how to shuck. “Get back here!”

“Daddy!” Robin cried after her father, who bolted out the front door to retrieve his wild animal. The child followed suit, not knowing what else to do. 

“Robin!” cried Lydia, and soon she was running after the child, who was running after her father, who was running after the family dog. 

You were helping Emily lift a crate of books from the back of the makeshift wagon, which had once been a truck bed, when you heard the echo of the familiar bark, getting closer and closer.

Shielding your eyes from the setting sun with your hand, you squinted to see past the late afternoon glow. “Dog?” you laughed. “That’s my dog!”

You carried the crate to its place on the dolly, ready for safe passage to The Library of Alexandria. “What are you doing, boy?” you asked him. He bounded with every step you took, tongue out as he panted excitedly and stood on his hind legs. When your hands were free, you grabbed his front paws and danced with him for a moment. “Since when do you like me so much, huh? Where’s Daddy?”

You knew wherever Dog was, Daryl wouldn’t be too far behind.

“Dog!” you heard him bellow, though you couldn’t see him. 

He came sprinting out from behind the corner of one of the townhouses, one of his mismatched shoelaces untied and his face red with embarrassment at his dog’s disobedience. When he set his sights on Dog, he trailed his eyes up to notice you, and gradually his sprint turned to a jellylike waltz, punctuated by a series of out of breath grunts.

“(Y/N),” he panted. “I, uh… I dunno what got into him.”

You smiled wide and shook your head as you scratched underneath Dog’s ears. “Oh, it’s fine. He didn’t—”

“Robin!” you heard Lydia’s voice in the distance, from the same direction Daryl came. “Stop!”

Your eyes widened with worry, until you saw a very familiar little girl running barefoot towards you, her short, clumsy legs dangerously close to stumbling over the other. Her wide, crystal clear blue eyes soon focused on you. “Mama!” she cried out, with a sweet laugh in her voice. “You’re back!”

She moved much faster now, and Lydia came running behind her, out of breath and also barefoot. Neither of the girls had time to put on shoes in their panic. 

“Hi, sweet pea,” you said, leaning down and accepting her hug. You squeezed her so tight that she let out a giggly whimper. “Oh, I missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” she replied.

“(Y/N)...” huffed Lydia breathlessly. “Hi.”

For Lydia, that was a very friendly reception. “Hi,” you replied, straightening up to hold Robin’s shoulders. “Good to see you… Oh!” A lightbulb went off in your head as you remembered the books you’d brought back specifically for everyone in your family. You held up your finger and turned to rummage through the bed of the truck, while Emily, Gabriel, Eugene, and the others helped unload the other crates. “I got you something… Let’s see… Aha! Lots of books.”

You let out a strained, but somehow sweet, grunt as you tried to pick up the cardboard box of books by yourself, but Daryl quickly intervened, gently shooing you aside and lifting the heavy box with ease. “Thanks, honey.”

“Ain't nothin'',” he grunted. He looked between the teenage girl and the box of books, wondering how she could read these all on her own. “These all for Lydia?”

“Well, some are for Lydia, some are for you, some are for Robin.” You bent down on one knee to look rummage through the box, and Robin was quick to follow suit.

“Whoa!” she exclaimed, holding up a children’s illustrated encyclopedia of plants and animals. Daryl smiled when he saw her eyes light up and her teeth, of which there were a few missing and a few growing back, fully visible from her wide smile. “Thanks, Mommy… Wait, this is for me, right?”

You laughed with a characteristic snort and brushed back her hair. “Of course it’s for you, baby. And look at this one.” You dug through several books to find the one you were looking for: The Illustrated Encyclopedia of Dog Breeds. “Now you can find out what Dog is.” 

“Dog’s a dog,” added Daryl, who was of the belief that Dog was simply a mangy mutt. 

“He’s a special dog,” retorted Robin. 

“Yes, he is,” you agreed. Standing to your feet, you sighed and dusted off your knees. “I’ve got to help them put these books in the library.”

“Nah,” said Daryl. “I’ll do it. You go home.”

You scoffed. “I can do it.”

“Nah,” he said again, turning to lift more crates from the truck. “Go on.”

You folded your arms and rolled your eyes, sharing a small laugh with Robin, who was also quite amused at Daryl’s insistence. “We’ll both do it. You girls go home, and wash your feet, please.” You pointed to their bare feet, which had become dirtied from running across town. 

“Yes, ma’am,” replied Robin, echoing her father’s usual response to your orders. 

Night had fallen when you, Daryl, and the others brought the last several boxes of books into the library. You stayed behind when everyone else had left, and that meant Daryl stayed behind, too, since he wasn’t about to go anywhere without you. In fact, he barely moved from your side, making sure you didn’t hurt yourself when you lifted the heavy boxes. 

You had made your way to your desk, looking through the handwritten catalogs to check Lydia’s progress. She’d done well, despite not understanding why the library existed in the first place. She followed your instructions as best as she could, and that was all you could hope for.

“Look, Daryl,” you said, holding out the papers for him to look at. “She did so good. I mean, there are some errors with the metadata, but I can go back and fix that. For a handwritten entry, that’s not so bad.”

He took the papers and squinted at them, not quite understanding anything he was looking at. The more he learned about librarian work, the more he thought you were a genius, though it really wasn’t so hard, just a very complex system of cataloging and data entry that could occasionally render a minor headache.

Despite his lack of understanding, he couldn’t help but smile back at you, admiring how excited you got when you talked about your library, the one he built just for you, with his own two hands (well, and lots of tools). 

“That’s great, hon,” he said, handing you back the papers to reassemble in your binder. “Ain’t you tired?”

“Yes,” you sighed. “But I had to make sure everything was okay here… How were the girls?”

He chewed the inside of his bottom lip as he leaned against the wall alongside your desk. “Fine,” he said. “Robin’s nightmares got worse. Think it’s ‘cause you were gone. She was worried ‘bout ya. And Lydia, she did good. Kept up on her schoolwork, much as she could without ya pokin’ ‘er about it.”

“And Dog?” you laughed. “He sure was acting weird.”

The corner of his lip quirked in amusement at the sight of Dog greeting you so excitedly. “Yeah, think he might’ve missed you the most.”

You rolled your shoulders playfully, with a slightly mischievous smirk. “Did you miss me?”

Like crazy, he thought, but he wasn’t going to admit that just yet. He had to tease you first, as he always did. 

“Pfft. Me? Nah.”

“Ugh!” you scoffed dramatically, though with a very obvious grin on your face. You knew he was joking—his eyes betrayed him. “Daryl.” You pushed your desk chair back and stood up to step towards him. “You really didn’t miss me? At all? Maybe just a little bit?”

As you wrapped your arms around his neck, he caught a subtle whiff of your perfume, still lingering on your blouse from when you last sprayed it a week ago. He could never figure out how you stayed so clean and fresh as a daisy even after several days of being outside the walls. Maybe you were just perfect. Really, it was just copious amounts of baby wipes.

He cleared his throat, smirk fading as he got lost in your eyes, the ones he’d been missing so badly. “Well, uh… Maybe just a ‘lil bit, yeah.”

You raised an eyebrow and giggled girlishly, the kind of giggle that sent a pleasant tickle down his spine. “Oh? Only a little? Maybe you missed me a little more than that?”

He rolled his eyes and threw back his head, serendipitously allowing you access to his neck, where your lips were drawn to like a magnet. “Crazy woman,” he sighed, closing his eyes to relish in the feeling of your soft kisses along the curve of his jawline. “I missed ya so damn much, you know that.”

“Mhm,” you hummed next to his ear, like a honeybee. “I missed you, too. Missed home…”

Your lips grew tired, so you settled your head in the crook of his neck, blanketed by the warmth and softness of his hair. His arms wrapped tight around your back, and his lips left long kisses against your head. All the while, he swayed you in his arms, back and forth, almost lulling you to sleep.

“Me too,” he said after a while. “I missed home.”

You hummed a giggle against his neck. “What do you mean? You were home.”

“Nah,” he said, preparing himself to say perhaps the cheesiest line he could, but it was the truth—it was how he really felt. If there was one thing about you, it was that you could get him to articulate every feeling he had, even the ones he didn’t know about himself. It was a blessing and a curse, as sometimes he didn’t want to know too much about his feelings, but it made him a better man, he knew that. “You’re my home. Now you’re here, I’m home.”

“Oh, honey,” you said, lifting your head to look at him. “That’s beautiful… You’re my home, too.”

He scoffed, trying to brush off the sappy moment, as he often did. “I burnt so much damn toast,” he laughed, though his eyes looked a little glassy. Just a little. “Scared myself half to death when I woke up to check on Robin and she wasn’t there. Turns out she was in Lydia’s room. I got my bow and everything. I was ready to shoot someone.”

You snorted and shook your head, then pressed a few kisses to his cheek. “You did good, cutie pie. Everything’s just fine.”

“Now that you’re here,” he said. “Nothin’s right when you’re gone.”

“Well, that’s sweet, but… someday I might not be here, Daryl. I might not be able to come back.”

You let out a surprised gasp when he held you tighter, his hand raising to the back of your head to tangle in your hair. “Don’t ya ever say that,” he said. “That ain’t gonna happen. Won’t let it. You ain’t dyin’ ‘fore me. No damn way.”

You laughed at his insistence, how sure of himself he was. “Okay, okay. No dying for me. I’m going to live forever.”

“That’s right,” he agreed. “You and me, we’re gonna live forever. It’s me and you till the end.”

He didn’t speak literally, of course. He knew someday he would die, and that you would, too, no matter how much he tried to prolong it. It wasn’t your bodies or even your souls that would live forever, it was what you left behind that would. That was immortal, so was your love.

“I’m so tired,” you mumbled. “Haven’t had a good night’s sleep in a week… Eugene snores like a chainsaw.” Not that you weren’t used to snoring, but Daryl’s soft, rather cute, snores were nothing compared to Eugene’s. 

Daryl huffed and peered out the window across the way, looking out into the central courtyard of Alexandria. The sun had just set, and everyone had more or less retreated to their homes for the evening. Thus, no chance of anyone seeing him carry his exhausted wife to the house. 

“Come on,” he grunted, manually tightening your arms around his neck, then tucking his hands underneath your knees to lift you up. “Let’s get you home. Hope Dog’s not on your side of the bed.”

You laughed hazily once you realized that he was carrying you. “Daryl,” you murmured. “You don’t have to carry me… Though I can’t say I don’t like it.”

After setting you down briefly to kick Dog out of your bed, he tugged off most of your clothes and tucked you under the covers, kissing your head and whispering “g’night, angel.” 

At last, everything in the world was right again, as right as it could be, anyway. He headed downstairs to lock the house up, checked on the girls, then followed Dog back up the stairs to settle alongside you in bed, wrapping his arms around you, as usual.

~

Thanks for reading! Likes, reblogs, and comments of any kind are always appreciated!

Masterlist

~

✏ Taglist

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Comment, message, or send an ask if you’d like to be on my taglist.

[that-sims-four-blog]

And another slice of the playthrough...

(cw: plenty of violence and some blood further down below)

And on tonight's episode of Leeb, Leefuh, Love:

Back at the Metallica household, Kirk and Lars share a top-bunk bed—partially because they're not gay, that one parody music video be damned.

Honestly, there is not much to tell, although Lars did say something about a case...

Heh, heh.

No, it's not about Napster, although it was equally as scandalous as his case against it.

Furthermore, the royalty report for Lars' track finally came in:

That's not quite a bad profit for someone who just started out their journey to become the new Skrillex, and there will be more, I am certain. Since the household has not seen anything interesting in quite some time, I don't think it'll get much attention in the following posts.

Moving over to Strangetown Strangerville, Sussus Amogus settles into sus residence at Slip 42. Yes, sus pronouns are sus/sus (singular: crewmate), although it's fine if you use they/them pronouns for sus for serious discussions.

The first thing that Sussus did was to go over to the pub across the street and then... uh... break someone's nuts into a million pieces. I am sorry that I couldn't get any images of the event (I need to stop confusing the C key with S), so this anecdote is the only evidence I can offer, along with the fact that the victim was named Daiki.

By the way, I'm thinking of making Sussus' parts more chaotic compared to the rest—which means more violence, yay! So, yeah, I would suggest that you might want to tread carefully when coming to their parts.

Excuse the mod's misgendering, but I think I have accomplished my goal of making Sussus an egotistical bastard. I have worse things in mind that would prove that sus is, like, really evil. Or rather, really suspicious.

That is also Sussus. I don't like how sus turns bald every time sus enters the shower, so I decided to give sus a little Jack Frost disguise. So, there it is: Sussus Amogus, masquerading as Jack Frost—of Shin Megami Tensei and Persona fame—every time sus enters the shower or goes to work—as pictured, as a scientist.

As insane as it sounds, I'm thinking of giving sus a romantic interest. Because I can, and also that I found one of the Sims at Sussus' lab pretty cute.

Pictured here is Sussus Frost at work, complete with the UI glory. I don't recall what her name was, but that's the Sim I'm thinking of pairing Sussus with.

Okay, lab aside, I'd like to mention one of Sussus' days—a really specific one that I thought was worth writing about.

After doing a really, really horrific thing at that Strangerville bar—let's just say that it was murder; I cannot go into further detail lest I get this blog deleted—Sussus decided to head to the Old Quarters' Inn. It would have been fine had Daiki not been the bartender there.

And, uh.

Yeah, Sussus seems pretty hell-bent on making this poor guy miserable.

I think it's clear in Daiki's eyes how really miserable he is, all because of some random crewmate who just moved in several hours earlier. Then came a fight!

Sussus lost. It was too much for this one Imposter to handle. The next thing that sus did was to throw blood on him and then call the cops. Nope, they were too late. So, I decided to let Sussus take the matter into sus' own hands.

You get the idea. Most of the aftermath of it is probably too... grisly to be put in here. I'm just going to give you a couple of images that I took in the aftermath of the incident.

And then—

Wait, what?

What the fuck.

[nysocboy]

Gemstones Episode 2.4, Continued: Patricide, incest, cake, and frolicking muscle boys

.

The After-Party: An elaborate affair, with many humorous set-pieces that reveal the inner state of the characters:

Levi, the only single member of Jesse's crew, dances joyously by himself amid dozens of pink balloons.

A life-sized BJ cake, so you have to cut slices out of his head. 

The outraged Kelvin chooses two cupcakes, carefully removes the pins, places a napkin on top of them, and splat!

Jesse and Amber seethe with rage as Eli dances with a lady.

Eli tries to be friendly to BJ's family, but Judy interrupts him: "They're from Asheville.  They hate God."  "Yes, but God loves them."

When BJ enters in his shiny pink "romper with a cummerbund," his family criticizes him for being feminine, but he counters that men can wear one-pieces.  Then they complain that he is a child, a little baby, not a man at all. (Notice the parallel with Kelvin constantly trying to prove that he is a "fully-grown adult man.").  He's ridiculous, the Gemstones are ridiculous, he's ruining his life.   BJ rushes back to his dressing room and tears off the outfit (some momentary beefcake).

Since when does Eli Gemstone like ladies?;.  As the party is winding down, Kelvin and Jesse meet at the baptistry and discuss how Eli always ruins their plans, "I wish I could fight that man!" Kelvin exclaims.  "I'd destroy him...make him look like a fool."  Eavesdropping, Baby Billy notes that he's wanted to fight Eli many times over the years.

Kelvin tells him that Eli has been having sexual encounters with "multiple somebodies"  Jesse continues: "Dude fancies himself a damn cocksmith...trying to make himself into a big character for the ladies." Interesting that Jesse specifies women, but Kelvin does not.  Women just don't pop into his head when he thinks of sex. 

Baby Billy finds this hard to believe. "Eli Gemstone...with the ladies?"  Why, when you were young, was he just into guys?

All women want to screw their brothers: Judy accosts BJ's sister KJ in the ladies' room, claiming that "siblings have to hate siblings' spouses."  Jesse and Kelvin hate BJ, because he "took her off the market," made her sexually unavailable: "They may be my brothers, but that don't mean they're not sitting in their room at night, thinking they might someday get to hook up with me." Does she not know that Kelvin is gay, or does it not matter?  Judy is definitely delusional, but we see how she has solved the eros/phileo problem: screw your relatives. 

KJ protests that Judy's theory is "disgusting": she would never hook up with her brother.  "Well, what if I held a gun to your head?"  Then she might consider it. "I knew it!" Judy exclaims in triumph. "BJ is mine!  Stop fighting me for him!"

A big fight after the break

The Fist Fight:  As Keefe passes out the food he stole, Kelvin seethes and bursts balloons,  and KJ complains that the Gemstones are a "train wreck" of a family, BJ throws a piece of cake at her -- which hits Eli just as he is schmoozing with a senator!  "You kids are an embarrassment!" he exclaims.  

As Eli leaves the party, Kelvin appears to yell  him about the Judean desert trip: "You made me look like a fool in front of my men." 

"I'm not spending one cent so you and your muscle boys can frolick in the desert!'   Frolick is feminine: Eli believes that Kelvin is planning an homoerotic orgy in the desert.  Referring to them as muscle boys, not men, enrages Kelvin, and he attacks.  

The two have a fist fight in the foyer of the church, with everyone watching, Keefe and the musclemen doing a chest-pound display of loyalty.  Kelvin throws one of BJ's gifts at Eli: he ducks, and it smashes a picture of Aimee-Leigh.

"You could have killed me!"

"I wish I had!" Kelvin cries.  Wait -- killing your father, sex with your siblings.  This episode is overloaded with Freudian symbolism. 

Eli pins him in the thumb-breaking position and demands an apology.  Kelvin refuses, and taunts that he doesn't have "the balls" to actually follow through. A call back to Eli's testicle injury in Episode 2.3, a symbolic castration that has rendered him impotent. 

But Eli does it!  I suppose I don't need to point out that in Freudian theory, the thumb is a stand-in for the penis, so Kelvin's broken thumbs represent  yet another symbolic castration.  But this time it is the father who performs the castration, rendering his own son impotent.

The Wedding Rings: We cut to Keefe helping the EMTs rush Kelvin to the ambulance.  

There are those rings again , on their wedding ring fingers, Keefe's a thick silver band, Kelvin's more delicate, with a diamond filigree.  Fan boards went wild with speculation. We know that they're not God Squad rings, since they are not identical.  Or purity rings, since those are for teenagers, not men in their thirties.  Commitment rings? Wedding rings?  But Kelvin is opposed to romantic love.  Since they are not emphasized or commented on in any way, they are probably just a fashion choice, signifying that Kelvin and Keefe are fancy boys.

As the ambulance drives off, Keefe runs behind it for a few steps, then tries to get the God Squad to make their chest-thump gesture.  They refuse: the Messiah of Muscle has fallen.  His homoerotic energy has faded away. 

What a Shit Show:  In the aftermath of the baptism debacle, Tiffany notes that she sent Baby Billy out for Funyons hours ago, and he hasn't returned. Judy and BJ invite her to wait at their house.  Uh-oh, we see Baby Billy on the freeway, turning off to the Charlotte, North Carolina exit (a three and a half hour drive from Charleston.  How long did that party last?)  He has abandoned another family!

Meanwhile, Jesse and Amber take a van meant for Eli.  They drive until late at night (wait -- weren't they going home?  That's only a short distance from the Salvation Center).  Eventually they reach a gas station in Lebanon, South Carolina, 40 miles from Charleston.  The driver vanishes, and four motorcyclists appear, wearing red-and-black helmets that obscure their facees. They open fire.  Jesse and Amber barely survive.  Uh-oh, Junior hired them to kill Eli! The end. 

This review seemed a little skimpy, so I threw in some pictures of naked wrestlers on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

[sacredsanguine]

OdetteWatches: Magical Gurls

THIS EPISODE?????? like I know I've been going a little stir-crazy because of the hiatus, but HELLO????? MY MIND IS BLOWN!!!!!

you already know i have thoughts and feelings. they're long.

Weird amount of camera time on Taran this week without him having a lot of lines...and I am LOVING the set for Razac's manor! The vibe, the decor, it all feels so him - and you can tell where Penelope has her little touches too! The teeny tiny little rosary beads detail around the edge of the doorknob is so cute.

Penelope power!!!! I have so many theories about what might be causing her magic to spike - I still think it's got something to do with the fae - and seems like Luna has some ideas about Zeke being a magical creature?? I wonder if she and Yvette will talk about it....

Aurora is a super powerful mage, so I wonder if she can sense anything about Penelope's powers? Andrey could, I think, because of how he's attuned to inner magic, but he's busy cuddling with Nikolai lol!

Okay speaking of ships....LOVE this positive relationship turn for Andrey. RIP Luna. I felt SO bad for her this ep, like she just kept taking turn after turn into psychic damage. :( I wanna give her such a comfy hug ;n; i hope we get to see the convo between her and esme afterwards though....like i hope it HAPPENS and also happens on-screen.

JOESME NATION RISE UP THO. guys we are FED today, amen thank the larva and st. cassius! We got hands touching, we got close contact. We got the absolute Moment of "Breathing sounds nice." WE GOT JOESME KISSES. PLURAL!!!! WE GOT CONFESSIONS!!!! (like okay. "you're here, of course i'm alright" had me DEAD. the silent KISS TO THE CROWN OF THE HEAD??? cremated. "i rather like having you to myself"?? ASHES TURNED INTO DIAMONDS. "all yours. always. no matter what-" AND HER INSTINCT BEING TO PROTECT HIM??? WHAT WAS SHE GOING TO SAY BEFORE THAT??? i am the CORE OF THE EARTH. "i think i'm allowed to be a little selfish, for once. we've both earned it. never enough time, we ought to carve out a slice for ourselves"??????? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I'M SOBBING GUYS THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND THEY'RE SO HAPPY AND IN LOVE IN THIS STOLEN LITTLE MOMENT TOGETHER I'M NEVER GOING TO BE NORMAL AGAIN

also omg squeeee at balisongsters having their silly cute hallway moment!!! nikolai is such a bully (gay, affectionate) and drunk andrey is so funny. i have a microwave compartment just for them

razac and taran are either eating in complete disgust and silence or making out furiously in the dining room. you know which one i'm choosing to believe.

I WANNA SEE MAGICAL GIRL PENELOPE!!!!

[danielmaslany]

Daniel Maslany as Detective Watts in Murdoch Mysteries 14x09 - The .38 Murdoch Special

[ot3]

please watch revue starlight

i know i commit the cardinal sin of saying ‘this is gay please watch it’ and then not describing the plot when i try and sell revue starlight, so i am going to try and give you a full pitch on it right now. but the fact of the matter is its really hard to talk about revstar’s plot without spoiling too much of it, and really, this is a show you will want to watch as unspoiled as possible. 

essentially, the show follows plucky protagonist karen aijo at her 2nd year as a student at a performing arts school. every year, their class has decided to put on the same play - the titular “Starlight,” a play which is dear to karen from her childhood. All of the girls hold the same desire: to be cast as Claire and Flora, the fated lovers, who are Starlight’s main characters.

Once a mysterious transfer student and Karen’s old childhood friend arrives at their school, Karen finds herself stumbling into underground secret auditions where the most talented girls at the academy compete for the lead roles in a tournament of one-on-one song and dance performance fights called ‘revues’.

Karen, who has always been content being somewhere in the middle of the pack, finds herself freshly fired-up to become the fated couple alongside her childhood friend, hikari, at whatever the cost, no matter how impossible it may seem.

Do not be fooled. this is not a slice of life anime.

As the show progresses, with each episode we unravel slightly more of what  the play Starlight’s plot actually is, and we see the way the story of Flora and Claire - and the six imprisoned goddesses who are Starlight’s other main cast - begins to parallel the lives of the girls competing for the leads. As the stakes get higher and we realize that claiming the lead role will come at a steep cost, it becomes harder and harder to find out whose success we’re even rooting for. After all, only one person can take position zero at center stage.

This is perhaps the single most well-rounded execution of an animated tv show i’ve ever seen. The visuals (of which i am being VERY misleadingly selective in what i’m refusing to show you in this post) are some of my favorite in any media I’ve seen, the music and sound design are stellar, and the narrative writing is impossibly tight and concise to bring you what truly feels like a full story in only twelve episodes. the characters are very diverse and fleshed out with impressive depth for so many girls in so few episodes. 

i’m leaving a lot out here because i want you to watch it. just one episode. if you can watch the first episode, and not even be a little bit curious for more, then you’re a different breed of person than i am. But if you’ve got any of the same sort of taste I do, or if you are just a lesbian in general, I really think you’re going to like it.

[hils79]

Monday Fic Recs

I finished KinnPorsche a few days ago and have been on a fic bender :D

Tankhun/Arm (KinnPorsche)

safe (right here in your arms) by toomoon

Arm chokes on his own spit. “Um, I’m sorry, sir,” he says, “but Mr. Kinn implicitly told us that we shouldn’t let you watch any of that series anymore. At least not in the family theater.” Tankhun hums thoughtfully. “Do you think Kinn might be more receptive if we put some gay porn on?” he says. “At least Porsche should know what’s going to happen to him if he keeps returning my brother’s longing glances.”

or, someone tries to kidnap Tankhun again. Porsche bleeds all over an expensive car. Pol is exasperated. And Arm is perfect, as usual.

I adore Tankhun and I love the way this author writes him

“Oh, Porchay!” Tankhun exclaims, like it’s in no way unusual to find Porchay crying in the mansion hallways in the night, “I was just about to send for you. I wanted to rewatch Crash Landing On You and Arm refuses to watch it with me again. But you will, right?”

Porchay has a hard time adjusting to life in the mansion after the kidnapping and the breakup. Tankhun helps in his own way.

It makes sense that as a big brother to both Kinn and Kim of course Tankhun would know how to take care of Porchay. I loved this.

you're not a ghost (I'm not afraid of you) by toomoon

Kinn in full temper is a sight to behold, but Tankhun was raised as the family heir once too. He still knows how to play this game. "Porsche was deliberately targeted last night by an unknown entity," Tankhun says, and watches as the chill of his tone slices through Kinn’s fiery anger. “He was drugged and kidnapped for presumably nefarious reasons. All things you would have known, had you investigated the matter properly. Instead, you gave him an arbitrary punishment that further agitated his injuries.”

or, in which: Porsche has someone in his corner, Kinn gets a wakeup call and Tankhun is kind of a badass

This is something that I definitely needed after what happens in episode 3. An excellent fix-it

streetlights (across the skyline like stars) by toomoon

“Why are you dressed head to toe in camo?” Arm asks incredulously, half an hour later when Tankhun emerges from his closet. Behind him, Pol takes one look at Tankhun and beams. “Wow, boss, I can only see your head, that’s spooky!” Pol says, grinning widely, and this is exactly why he’s Tankhun’s favorite. Arm just sighs, rubbing his temples as he drops into one of the sofa chairs.

or, Tankhun and co. rescue Porsche from the dungeons.

I love getting to see Tankhun being a badass. This was so good.

Gen (KinnPorsche)

just another habit by toomoon

“Oh, Porchay!” Tankhun exclaims, like it’s in no way unusual to find Porchay crying in the mansion hallways in the night, “I was just about to send for you. I wanted to rewatch Crash Landing On You and Arm refuses to watch it with me again. But you will, right?”

Porchay has a hard time adjusting to life in the mansion after the kidnapping and the breakup. Tankhun helps in his own way.

It makes sense that as a big brother to both Kinn and Kim of course Tankhun would know how to take care of Porchay. I loved this.

Pete/Vegas (KinnPorsche)

devil is in the details by toomoon The confines of the hospital have forced Pete to be more creative in the tools he uses. A gun is out of the question, too loud even with the silencer on. The scalpel is lovely, nice and sharp, and meant to cut through skin and sinew, but it makes such a terrible mess cutting through the main artery, and sticking it through the eye is a slow way to die. Pete will have to stick to spools of surgical steel or his own hands from now on.

or, defenseless and without a family, recovering from a life-threatening injury, Vegas is a sitting target for all the criminals he's offended over the years. They don't count on Pete.

Missing scene from the last episode.

I love getting to see Pete being fierce and protective.

Luo Fusheng/Hei Xiazi/Xie Yuchen (DMBJ/Granting You A Dreamlike Life)

Beauty from Pain by merinnan & utterlyclueless

He took a step back, then two, away from the people and the noise and the buildings and the everything else that was just wrong. Off. It was all close enough to what he knew and yet so very different from it that he wasn’t sure how to handle it. Just what the fuck had happened?

He looked down as something rustled underfoot, a few pages of newspaper crinkling beneath his boot. This, at least, might be something useful, might give him some clues about where he’d ended up. He grabbed the pages, eyes going immediately to the masthead. Xin Jing Bao, it read. He blinked and shook his head. Beijing News? He was in Beijing? This was Beijing?

Then he saw the date.

Luo Fusheng had been having a pretty normal day until he found a mysterious statue in a crate that shouldn't have been there. One blinding flash of light later, he found himself suddenly transported from 1930s Dongjiang to 21st century Beijing. With no way to get home, he resolved to make the best of his new life - a new life that took an unexpected turn when he helped a strange man in black sunglasses foil an attack on his new favourite opera singer, Jie Yuhua.

This was fantastic. It's not a ship I ever would have considered but it makes perfect sense and works so well.

[sword-dad-fukuzawa]

2021 watchlist review

So, just to finish putting 2021 behind me, here are the top anime I watched last year in no particular order. Also, I felt like talking about them. Long post ahead.

Full Metal Alchemist (both Brotherhood and 2003)

I loved both, but they're very different anime. '03 is a war story; FMAB is a battle anime that features war. If I had to make a value judgement, I'd say I enjoyed '03 better (though I did watch it before FMAB) but FMAB has more rewatch value, if only because '03 needs to be watched more or less in order and starting from the beginning makes it better.

I liked the way '03 characterized Mustang and Kimblee better out of the two; FMAB had the more satisfying and better paced ending. Also, FMAB has Ling Yao. I will always love FMAB for simply having Ling Yao. '03 wins in the "making me feel things category" because I really loved how they handled the origin of the homunculi and the story it tried to tell about human arrogance; FMAB wins best romance because I will never get over Mustang and Hawkeye, especially in the episode where they fight Envy for the last time. Jean Havoc remains my beloved no matter the adaptation.

I'd say FMA is one of those anime that was just, as a whole, extremely well-written and animated. I continue to have very mixed feelings about Roy Mustang.

Mars Red

I love this anime a normal amount, I swear. This is totally not my favorite anime of this year hands fucking down, no sir. I totally do not think about all of the characters from it daily.

.../s

MDZS Season 3

NO THOUGHTS ONLY HOW MUCH I LOVE a. WangXian, b. Xue Yang, c. the way they adapted Lan Xichen and Jin Guangyao. I am very sad about how it's over, and I'm also very sad about how dirty they did Jiang Cheng, but everything else about it is glorious.

Interspecies Reviewers

I'M STONE COLD SEROUS WHEN I SAY INTERSPECIES REVIEWERS BEATS A LOT OF NON-ECCHI ANIME OUT OF THE PARK. If you're okay with seeing tits during a slice of life fantasy anime that talks frankly about sex and BDSM and is also genuinely hilarious, go watch it. It's so good.

Dr. Stone

I am very much a raging science nerd and let me tell you, this has got to be my favorite of all the ways science gets portrayed in anime. Dr. Stone is so obviously a love letter to STEM--it shows science as something hopeful and exciting, and the people who love it as all sorts of folk. It's hilarious, heartwarming, and incredibly entertaining. I binged this one in a few days.

AND SCIENCE PORTRAYAL ASIDE? THE FRIENDSHIPS N THS ANIME SOMEHOW MAKE "uwu power of friendship deus ex machina" CONVINCING. I love it.

Jujutsu Kaisen

I usually try to stay away from anime that gets a lot of hype, but man, Kaisen lives up to it. The animation is great, the characters are genuinely so loveable, and sometimes I look at Team Gojo and think that this is what Team Seven could have been. It's a little bit too big brain for me sometimes, especially the power system, but it's lovely all the same.

Hakata Tonkatsu Ramens

Got recommended this by @electrick-indigo! It's, like, what if you took found family and then did found family in a setting where murder is just...a thing that happens regularly. I adore the main character, and he's gnc as fuck. Plus the whole anime has the vibes of BSD in its earlier arcs, which I love and adore.

Promare

COMFORT MOVIE COMFORT MOVIE COMFORT MOVIE

It's a surprisingly nuanced look at societal oppression wrapped up in pretty neon colors and mecha battles. And gay. There's so much gay. I adore this movie.

Umibe no Etranger

It's an extremely good movie about two queer dudes falling in love, and the manga sequel "L'etranger du Zephyr" is just as good. I am just...very attached to Mio and Shun. They do a good job of realistically portraying queer romance and the way relationships can evolve over time, particularly in the sequel. No complaints about this one.

Heaven's Official Blessing

It's very soft and is my favorite brand of supernatural mystery solving. Like, In/Spectre wishes it had romance and mystery this good.

The Way of the Househusband

It's hilarious and a really good pick-me-up.

Dragon Pilot

Ah yes, a cute anime about girls that pilot dragons by getting vored. It does not make more sense in context. Watch it anyway because all the characters are so endearing.

Horimiya

A romance anime that I really enjoyed! It's just teenagers being cute and in love!

Fuse: Memories of a Hunter Girl

This one is an interesting story about furries and a girl with a bazooka. It feels a little bit like a fever dream, in retrospect.

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

listen I am a crazy person LITERALLY but it’s absolutely normal to believe that Dean and Cas are totally dating in the AU reality of 6x17 My Heart Will Go On though, right?  

{actual footage of me whenever I turn on ANY episode of this cursed television program)

yes my horrendous Titanicnatural thoughts have led me to rewatching this episode today, and you know what - good for me.  VERY shitty meta post with awful old-so-old-I-cannot-even-find-the-source-to-credit-some-of-them (if you know it please send me the source) screencaps/gifs - under the cut.

Please know this episode starts with a man spilling a ton of nails and almost falling on a piece of rebar to his death.

Every day I am traumatized again.

Thankfully his actual demise is when his head is sliced off by a garage door.  Yes I typed that just now.  PRESSING ON:

Hi Samantha Ferris!  Just for you I want to quickly note that in this episode, we have this very specific narrative parallel.  Yes, your character was revived just to fight the good fight for that unsinkable ship (see what I did there) Destiel.   How’s them apples?

My inclination btw is that Ellen is supposed to be a Cas mirror and Bobby a Dean one, but really it could go either way.

they did Dean-code her jacket, however.  

see? (Jensen Ackles you are a tiny little man.  TINY).

and Bobby is in khaki which tends to send me to Cas.

Anyway, no matter who is serving as Dean and who as Cas, Ellen/Bobby are a Destiel parallel.

***Ellen bickers with Bobby but its affectionate, keeps him grounded, keeps him sane, knows when something is wrong and how to get him to talk, etc. They are domestic.  

We have this fucking dialogue that drives me off a cliff.

BOBBY But that's just my point. Nothing's "meant to be." Whether we're together is at the whim of some dick angel.

ELLEN Oh, Bobby, relax.

BOBBY  I can't. We need you. Especially me.

***NOT THE DESTIEL NEED YOU.

Not this dialogue they paralleled later on in 8x17: Goodbye Stranger

DEAN: We need you.

(prefaced by Dean saying it in 8x02: What’s Up Tiger Mommy

[source]

***OH WEIRD.  Season gr8 is the very reason I have the Titanicnatural thoughts to begin with.  That’s strange.  What a coinkydink.

Other hints are present to the “small details that are different,” as Balthazar calls it in addition to Bobby/Ellen (which btw, not so small a detail, eh?).

No, I’m not just talking about the mustang that Kripke thought was too gay for the car in the original show concept.

For example, Dean doesn’t even QUESTION when this:

[Sebastian Roche better be in the reboot jackles I am no longer asking]

look at Dean’s face.  it’s not the usual WTF reaction.  

it’s just yeah, I know, you’re being annoying.  We all know Cas is my boyfriend.  Moving on.

PLUS they summon Balthazar directly.  Why wouldn’t they just summon Cas to get the information?

it’s because Dean and Cas don’t have that kind of relationship in this universe.  He is Dean’s boyfriend, not the angel they work with for whomst he is perpetually pining.

[he’s also really stinking cute.  oh OG trenchcoat my beloved]

In this universe, Cas only shows up when they almost explode the warehouse to save them from the fire.  Oh, and Dean doesn’t ask him to. He just knows to do it.

DEAN Cas!

CASTIEL Hello, Dean. Sam.

***in this entire scene, Dean harbors no anger at Cas for being absent like he has throughout season 6.  Why is that?  Cas is still fighting the angel war here, right?

***I submit to you it’s because he isn’t absent.  They are dating.  Dean sees him regularly.  They talk.  So instead of anger at “where have you been and what are you not telling me” we get -

DEAN Of course he does. Yeah. Boy, that guy's just got it covered, doesn't he? 

***about Balthazar.  Jealous, Dean?

again. FACE.

***anyway, then the entire fate storyline that just got tossed in a trash heap and was never used again happens - and Cas tells Balthazar to sink the Titanic because otherwise fate will kill Dean and Sam.

we return to the regular universe.  

Here’s where I just got an anvil to the face.

[actual picture of whatever this is hitting me in my face]

This entire episode is also paralleled in the pearl story in 14x13: Lebanon.  They even wake up in the car here, just like John did and think initially this is all a dream, until Cas shows up to reiterate it wasn't

BECAUSE:

[source ]

[source ]

[source ]

Interesting to think about how Cas choosing for them to keep the memory affected the future (since it’s canon that it would).  

ANYWAY, this makes my head hurt, because if they were dating here that means DEAN REMEMBERS THEY WERE DATING.  and Cas remembers too.  and he is telling him to fight for that freedom, but this Dean is so repressed that he won’t (in fact he is just going to lash out at Cas the following episode and call him a baby in a trenchcoat).  

this is why Cas immediately leaves when Dean makes this quip.

[source]

Please note the difference between this Dean and AU Dean is specifically hinted at earlier in the episode, where they talk about fate looking like a librarian -

SAM Well, she was wearing clothes, if that's what you mean.

DEAN All right.

--> no other reaction from Dean.  No quip.  No joke.

Finally, the dialogue also hints at the potential dating relationship using Dean’s reaction to things returning to normal and Sam’s comment about Bobby/Ellen at the end -

DEAN "Normal." Awesome.

SAM Poor bastard. Doesn't even know how good he had it.

***this is about Bobby.  but you know it’s also about [gunshots]

AS AN ASIDE to this stupid messy meta post, I want to note that AU Dean is not drinking as much (probably because he is idk in a relationship and happy?)

How do I know?

Because he is concerned in the beginning of the ep when Bobby is doing it.  

Regular Dean when they return?  Tender, yes.  

[source]

But - not as concerned.  

SAM Should we wake him?

DEAN Nah. That's probably the best he's felt all week.

***Dean thinks Bobby passed out drunk on the couch is a good thing.  Because that’s how he copes and it’s normal for him.  But AU Dean? Here’s his gut reaction to Bobby’s drinking:

DEAN: Well, what do you want to do? I mean, we can't just sit here and watch him poop out his liver.

***AU Dean knows this is not healthy.  Because he no longer copes with things this way.  Because he is happily dating Cas and working on being a healthier person.  

Yes, I know I’m spiraling  but y'know what?  

Fight me.

***anyway, sorry about all of this.  I just had to get it out of my system. <3 [tagging @evermorecastiel​ fellow bearer of the titanicnatural curse.]

[pippenpaddlopsicopolisthethird]

That person might not have said top ten but I would like to see the other five underrated animes 👀

(First post) I’LL KEEP ‘EM COMING, I LIVE FOR RECOMMENDING ANIME. I keep changing my mind on which ones to include because there’s so much good shit out there.

By the way, all of the recommendations in this list AND the last one are 26 episodes or less and tell a complete story. No cliffhangers, no “finish the manga to see the finale”, no “where’s the rest of it???” endings. That’s why, for now, Stars Align and Princess Jellyfish still get stuck with the honorable mentions even though what’s been made for both of them is incredible.

1. The Tatami Galaxy (Drama, Introspective)

The director behind Ping Pong the Animation and the original author behind Eccentric Family join forces to make Tatami Galaxy, which capitalizes on the best strengths of both shows. The protagonist is a lonely college student facing the prospect of graduating after having thoroughly wasted his college years. He bemoans how circumstances outside of his control, from conniving fake-friends to selfish and shallow extras, have conspired to ruin what should have been a “rose-colored campus life”, and wishes he could do it over again so he can get it right.

So he does, with the show using avant-garde animation and abstract storytelling to explore all of his threads of what-ifs. The plotlines seem separate but weave together and subtly build on each other, culminating to a finale that explores the meaning of relationships and who you are in the absence of outside forces that can define you. It’s heartfelt, funny, raunchy, and deep, and perfectly encapsulates the existential dread of being in college. I watched it for the first time when I was about to finish undergrad and it hit like an emotional freight train, then I rewatched it during quarantine and it hit like a truck. This is one of my top favorite anime of all time.

2. Re:Creators (Fantasy, action)

Most of the anime I’ve put on these lists get their spots for being deep, nuanced, and delicately crafted. This is not one of them. But, by god, is it one of the most over-the-top fun shows I’ve ever seen. Re:Creators is a rare reverse-isekai. Fictional characters from popular anime, games, and manga suddenly start turning up in the real world, instructed to “find your Creator and reshape the world you came from”. The soundtrack by Hiroyuki Sawano is bar-none one of the hypest things out there; seriously, just listen to Layers, the song for a character from a grimdark everyone-dies series begging her author to tell her why.

The characters in this show are so fun to watch bounce off each other, even if they’re not as “three dimensional” as others. Magical girls fight Stand users, mechs face down scifi-noir detectives, Lawful Good Paladins go toe-to-toe with Chaotic Evil light novel villains.  But by including the artists who imagined these characters as characters themselves, it also has a lot to say about the creative process, the reasons people create, and the relationship between an artist and their work. Between the high-octane fight scenes, there’s a surprisingly human and genuine throughline.

3. Sora no Woto (Slice of life, music, post-apocalyptic)

This show is another of my favorite examples of worldbuilding done right. A young girl joins the army as a bugler because it’s one of the only ways she can learn to play music. The episode plots focus on how she and her tiny regiment of young women stationed at a small town in the middle of nowhere deal with day-to-day troubles, while the details of the world around them slowly fill and round out the picture of a broken society where people still just... live. They still create myths, they still have festivals, they still blow glass and tell ghost stories and make art. The plots seem inconsequential, until the world built into the background becomes too prominent to ignore. The background art and music is some of the most gorgeous I’ve seen. It’s part of a genre I’ve been calling “soft apocalypse” and it’s been one of my favorites for years.

BONUS MENTION: Girl’s Last Tour (Slice of life, post-apocalyptic)

Yes, I’m cheating, but listen. Girl’s Last Tour fits perfectly into the canon narrative provided by Sora no Woto, just set in the far future, a few apocalypses later. It’s got less of a main plot, because there’s almost nothing of society left, just two girls wandering together through an abandoned world. It’s soft, introspective, and bittersweet, showing how humanity is still humanity no matter how few people are left. Despite having nothing about their productions in common, it’s the perfect spiritual successor to Sora no Woto and they deserve to be recommended in the same spot.

4. Tamako Market (+ the movie) (Romance, slice-of-life)

This show is the platonic ideal of a soft, heartwarming, sweet-as-sugar, slice-of-life romance. It follows the daily life of Tamako, a high school girl who lives above a family-owned mochi shop in a shopping center, who is followed around by a talking bird trying to find a bride for his prince in a far-off land. But really the show isn’t about the bird. The show is about love in all its forms. The love that the other families in the shopping center have for Tamako, the love that she and her friends have for each other, the love they have for the activities they’re passionate about, the love you feel when someone makes you a cup of coffee, fated love, childhood crushes, family love.

Something about this show that also stands out is how gently and naturally it incorporates some of the best queer representation I’ve ever seen in anime. One of the shop owners is a kind and soft-spoken trans woman, who is never the butt of a joke, never questioned, never treated as different, loved all the same. One of Tamako’s friends is gay, and her crush on Tamako is treated with as much respect and care as every other moment in the show. This series never makes you flinch for fear of “representation” that turns sour. It’s the epitome of a feel-good show.

5. ACCA 13-Territory Inspection Department (Political, mystery, drama)

Yes, I keep saving my favorites for last on these lists. I can’t describe this show as anything but the perfectly written plot. As a rule, I don’t like political dramas, and this is one of my favorite anime of all time. It’s set in a fictional country, where 13 regions all exist relatively independently under one collective monarchical ruler, and follows Jean, an agent of the independent Inspection Department, which acts as a check and balance to each power. The series begins with Jean being assigned a full review of each territory while the powers-that-be field whispers of a coup. This show masters foreshadowing, intrigue, escalation, and mystery. The stakes build and overlap on scales from intensely personal to national. The pacing is amazing, keeping tension balanced with plot twists that answer more questions than they ask.

Plus, it’s got one of the most visually appealing and stylized openings out there. I realize that political drama isn’t exactly escapism right now, but believe me, this series is worth it.

[blackberryjqm]

so. the newsreader ended like that. this post will contain spoilers for whole the newsreader series, so don’t read unless you’re all caught up!

warning: this post is basically me incoherently trying to explain stuff about the characters. I have thoughts in my head but they get written down funny! sorry!

characters

dale - i have a lot of mixed feelings about dale. sometimes i think, ugh dale has the personality of sliced bread, but sometimes i think that i quite probably like him. i think the writers did a good job with his character, making him likeable enough to keep it interesting but to still have flaws and things he needs to work through. the first few episodes i was thinking, wow he’s kind of just like your every other straight white guy and i was kind of bored, but then episode four! episode four! (when they first went into the bar i was thinking that it was very homoerotic for someone who was supposed to be straight, but then they started making out, so). the aids crisis hit australia at a very convenient time in his life. in the final episode, i very much enjoyed/hated the scene where tim came to visit him at home. very well done !! all in all, i think dale is a well rounded character and it was very brave of him to tell helen the truth! (but, i’m still kind of mad at him because he was a dick to tim, but whatever)

helen - i love helen, but i did feel that her storyline was kind of overshadowed by dale’s, so if there were to be a second season…? before i get all rambly, i just want to state that anna torv is an incredible actor! especially in the halley’s comet episode, when she went from crying to straight faced in a matter of seconds. i would love to know more about her history and her struggles with drugs. i felt that though these parts of her story kind of got forgotten about a bit, by the end of it. well done to helen for being so understanding in the final episode. i didn’t really like helen and dale together throughout the series, but the scene right before they go to the desk, in the computer room, where dale opens up made me appreciate her more. i love helen norville !! if i could change one thing, i would make it so that her story focused a little less about dale, and a little more on her own problems.

tim - i love gay tim from camera! my favourite character! deserved so much better. the very first episode, i saw his haircut and his funky moustache and went “him. yes, i like him.” and I was right! he tried so hard throughout the show (i’m sorry dale is so stupid) and got so little back. tim had lots of good scenes, but especially the scene in the final episode when he goes to dale’s house. this scene made me cry. he is so considerate and thoughtful and constantly nice to dale, even when he’s being a prick to him. i can’t believe he quit his job! i just want him to be happy!!

rob - himbo himbo himbo. i literally couldn’t tell you anything about rob except that he’s dumb and i love him. did he have much of a character arc? no. but did he run all the way back to the station just to get noelene’s story through? yes. i hate his haircut and everything he stands for (football) but he is sweet and likes noelene a lot, so <3.

noelene - i want to kiss noelene!! noelene is the light of my life and she deserves everything. i don’t have that much to say about noelene as she didn’t have too much screen time, but i just thought you guys should know how much i love her. noelene gives up so much of her time and works so hard for her job only to be treated like shit so early episodes dennis and lindsay, i am going to beat your asses. this isn’t very interesting or intelligent, but i want to steal her clothes. okay, that’s all!!

geoff - I HATE GEOFF! yucky yucky man. should’ve died when you had your stupid heart attack. geoff is a prick and i despise him with my whole heart. he’s so pretentious, too, like he’s retirement age and when he gets fired he has to go and complain to another newspaper about it? baby. just sit and eat your dinner that your girlboss wife made for you and shut up.

thoughts for a (hypothetical) season two

so, i really, really don’t want to get my hopes up about a second season, but if there was to be one, these are the kind of things i’d like to see:

more information about helen’s family situation. we met helen’s sister a couple of times and learnt that she was put in a mental hospital when she was sixteen, presumably by her father. i would like to learn more about how that happened and why.

i would also like to see some more about helen’s struggle with drugs. this was shown to us multiple times, but it was never really discussed or anywhere near resolved.

helen and dale’s relationship is going to need quite a bit of work. i hope that they can work through their issues in a second season.

how helen and dale go sharing the desk/dealing with their personal and professional relationships.

more noelene and rob content!

more tim! it will be really interesting to see where his storyline goes now that he’s quit his job. i want him to be happy!

the fallout of geoff going to the press about his firing.

if any of you guys would like to discuss anything about this show send me a message or an ask! i’d love to get to know the seven people of the newsreader fandom!

[inosukeslefttoe]

SO i just finished wonder egg priority and i think that with confidence i can say it has been one of my favorite animes like... ever ?? and not even from hyperfixation or obsession over it just... its so fucking real yet so simple in a way that i havent rlly seen shown in any other shows you feel ??

but first i wanna talk about how sexy the art and animation is real quick... HOMIE ITS SO GOOD LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT JUST... serotonin... the characters are all so unique and iconic and fun but not over the top in their designs yknow ??? they seem like regular every day girls but they stand out and theyre all sO CUTE !!!! also i love how the style is like this soft bubbly slice of life lookin stuff with bright happy colors and the most beautiful scenes you could find but they also have the SICKEST fight scenes complete with whimsical animal helpers and terrifying villains and crazy weapons unique to each character. and the animation. god DAMN shawty i am obsessed with everything in this show. i might make a post solely about the art later lol bc i wanna get into the other stuff.

so the themes in the show right ?? it starts just as this cute lil magical girl kinda deal but within the first episode we see that like.. oh damn... thats kinda heavy... tbh i was a little shocked and thought about stopping bc yknow bad mental health BUT i was so intrigued that i had to keep going and i am SO GLAD that i did. because this show just so beautifully discusses all these heavy topics in such an eloquent and artistically expressive way. and also like, , the juxtaposition of the charming childlike vibe with bright colors and 14 yr old girl protagonists against the dark themes of suicide and so much else,, i think is just perfect. bc a lot of heavy animes are more of the seinen genre and have some middle aged dude as a protag or make the entire color palette dim or offer little relief to the pain of these heavy themes right ?? but NO not wonder egg bitches B) because these problems arent just things that ppl face later in life or just problems that need to be talked about among adults or the edgy seinen watching squad,, these are REAL problems that face people of every age, gender etc and i think its awesome that wonder egg addresses that. some may cringe at the thought of their high schooler watching animes that discuss sexual harassment, suicide, abuse, self harm, eating disorders etc,, but in reality it is the most comforting thing i have ever come across and is basically jsut free anime therapy. because not only does wonder egg present these themes to the viewers as something real that happens to all kinds of people (making said people feel heard in a way that maybe they hadnt before), but it also makes sure to vanquish all of these forms of trauma. and the way the trauma is vanquished isnt always beautiful and it isnt always just magically gone with a poof. the struggles of overcoming or living with that sort of thing are shown in such a real and relatable way that addresses every hardship trauma survivors have to go through. and i just. god i cry bro. 

oh m y GOD and the lgbtq+ rep in this show ?? like shawty... as soon as i saw episode one i was picking up on some gay/lesbian themes but then again im sapphic and project that a lot so i tend to see that sort of stuff like... everywhere... but NE WAYS... episode ten made me FUKCING CRY BRO LIke i cant believe there was a whole trans character with a whole trans pride hoodie like LKGHKDGH my heart is just so.. so fucking full thinking about him. bc like yeah i know there are trans characters in anime but i feel like theyre always very ambiguous about actually being trans or not or erased or portrayed as a harmful stereotype or theyre constantly misgendered and still refered to as their assigned gender at birth and i hate it. HOWEVEr... Kaoru.. *chefs kiss* it was so amazing to see a character straight up say “yeah im trans” in such a casual yet powerful way bc i personally have never seen that before. and i love love loved how he went into his backstory and talked to momoe about gender bc i think thats what she rlly needed and that it helped her find herself and it makes me so happy oh my god,, and the way they talked about it never seemed forced or like it was the focal point of his existence yknow ?? like yeah he existed to help momoe overcome some of her trauma but he also just existed to be HIM yknow ?? also... personally, i headcanon momoe as a trans girl even though i dont remember it being explicitly stated plus the school scenes of her and stuff would seem like they suggest otherwise ??but,,, SHAWTY THE AMOUNT OF SUBTEXT and her complicated relationship w gender is... something i feel like a cis girl would not go through so harshly yknow ?? with all of the questioning and feeling detached from femininity or feeling like ppl dont see her as an actual girl and only like her as a guy or for her masculine traits,,, but dont take my word on this bc i myself am a cis girl but that was just my take on it as someone in the lgbtq+ community trying to educate myself on the transgender community :) either way,, wonder eggs portrayal of momoe and kaoru and the way that momoe becomes so passionate about expressing herself the way she wants to as a girl is just... good lord im gonna cry its so perfect,,,.so ... i just love this show way too much. i also am honestly super lost about the relationship btwn acca and ura-acca ?? bc i was gonna mention ura-acca as a canonically gay guy bc when i was watching i interpreted ep 11 as him being in love with acca and being jealous of Azusa (bc i mean,, they lived together (i swear to god there was only one bed in that apartment) and had a daughter together and def loved each other and also when Frill said they were husbands and then when ura-acca said he wasnt attracted to azusa but he was def jealous of their relationship ??) but then i saw somewhere that theyre brothers ?? which would make sense ig since they look kinda similar and accas daughter called ura-acca “uncle”.. but at the same time its ANIME SO THEY ALL LOOK SIMILAR and referring to gay couples as siblings is an EXTREMELY common euphemism soooo... IM JUST LOST HERE... but yeah i tried doing research and found different things so i cant say anything for sure >:( however,,, if they are canonically a lil fruity for each other... when frill refered to acca as ura-accas husband i imploded dude you never hear that sort of wording in anime.. but if theyre related i am so sorry. 

god this is so much longer than i planned it to be oops but i also love the theme about like.. relying on friends to help carry your weight but at the same time not becoming completely dependent on those friends and using their support to learn how to love yourself and rely on yourself yknow ?? bc that is exactly what healthy friendships look like. bc i think ai sort of had a codependency thing goin on with koito maybe ?? but now she has a whole squad of funky friends that are so so different but all struggle with different kinds of trauma and although they fight over it, they always get through it with each other together. and they push each other no matter what to be the best versions of themselves and they teach other that getting hurt is okay because theyre always gonna be there to pick up the pieces no matter what happens. they can give each other space when they need and adapt to meet each others needs but theyre always able to balance it out with their own needs and thats such a beautiful thing in friendships especially at their age like damn i wish i had that maturity when i was 14 but no all i had was depression. another thing is that through these friendships you get to see all the different sides of each girl; you get to see them being strong or a shining light to their friends when theyre hurting but you also get to see them being hurt and weak and allowing themselves to be on the receiving end of the comfort. their friendships allows them to have weaknesses but it also allows them to highlight their strengths and thrive off of each others. I LOVE FRIENDSHIP DUDE

next i wanna briefly mention some of the themes connected to suicide that ive noticed. a big one is the survivors guilt that ai feels once koito is dead. several times she screams that she wishes she couldve gone with koito and she dreams of a “perfect world” where they committed a double suicide. one of the main reasons for her troubles is that she blames herself for koitos death and feels like it should be her thats dead... but at the same time she feels like too much of a coward to do anything now that koito is gone. she just has all these complex and contradicting feelings that wear away at her in ways that ppl that havent gone through the suicide of a loved one could never imagine. a lot of the times when things like this are portrayed in media i feel like its more in a way thats meant to guilt trip those that have taken their own lives and paint suicide as this selfish sin thats unforgivable but... not only does wonder egg reject that idea and instead portray it as a heartbreaking tragedy with,,, so so many terrible reasons, but it focuses on the feelings of ai separate from koito without blaming her in any way. not once did i feel like the show antagonized koito or that ai blamed koito for doing any of this, but they simply mourned her loss and touched on ais reaction towards the event but separate from koito herself if that makes sense. and i think that discussing survivors guilt without painting koito as the bad guy is something so beautifully done in wonder egg that can really resonate with those that have lost a loved one to suicide and have struggled with these same things.

okay i think this is the last thing ill mention,,, but HOMIE THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE BIT AT THE END. I AM. OBSESSED. i am such a whore for anything about the multiverse okay n e ways...,, not only did this make a super epic trippy ending of season one and add a little bit more magical girl whimsy to the show,, but it had such a powerful message. from the perspective of og ai,, finding out that you killed yourself in another world is... i mean its definitely not a surprise but at the same time it rlly makes you think how close og ai herself couldve been to that point and what decisions led her out of that dark place in her life. if i were in her shoes i would be terrified and id cry bc the thought of going back to such a dark place and actually going through with something like that is my worst fear and probably something that ai fears too. but at the same time,,, think from the perspective of ai two !!! like yeah its true that theres this awful terrible version of ai that dies but theres also a whole version of ai that is a superhero magical girl fighting off monsters to save countless ppls lives !! and she has a badass lizard and a gang of awesome friends !!! at first i was worried that ai two would be jealous of og ai and compare herself to her and feel inferior but like.. THEYRE LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON AND CAPABLE OF THE SAME THINGS !!! and ai two realized that !! just within the span of one episode, she went from the version of ai who took her life,, to the version of ai jumping in front of a friend to take a bullet for them and save their life. and that just inspired THE SHIT OUT OF ME. i think that ai was sent another version of herself to sort of beat her own worst enemy yknow ?? those doubts and fears that shes no good or that shes that same bystander from episode one and that she hasnt changed at all. but getting to interact with her parallel self and see her grow was just what she needed to realize that while yeah sometimes the worst thing can happen and things can be terrible but on the other hand sometimes the most wonderful thing imaginable can happen because she has the power to do either. 

so im gonna go ahead and stop rambling bc i got all my thoughts out that i wanted to for this post :D but yeah lol i might make another if i feel like it sometime. long story short: this show is perfect and it is going on my favorite of all times.

[noitsbecky127]

rebecca watches tos: amok time

I’ve never seen this ep but ik it’s the fuck or die one

chapel is bringing spock soup, give it up chapel, ily but the man is gay

I bet it’s good soup though

oh ok so pon farr just straight up makes vulcans go feral and throw soup at walls

just let him go to vulcan jimothy

oh this intro is a little different! guess they changed it for season 2

“play servant to a man that is not hers” spock it’s the 23rd century she was just trying to do a nice thing for you

man idk if we’ve ever seen spock showing this much emotion in his voice, save for naked time ofc

spock, what are you holding behind your back

oh here’s chekov! I knew he existed in TOS but I wasn’t sure when he was gonna show up

guess you’re gonna miss the inauguration, bc spock’s choices are fuck or die and I don’t think anyone wants the latter

jim do not make him postpone this

ah ok spock took matters into his own hands

man how badly does pon farr fuck you up that spock could have diverted course and then forgotten about it

spock really just went “I’ve arrived in sickbay and now I will leave sickbay ✌️”

“I think I’m going to get spacesick” ok I’ve decided I like chekov

“he’ll DIE, jim” *dramatic music* *closeup on william shatner’s face* *commercial break*

spock: yes i know why i’m dying, no i won’t tell you, we exist

who tf is spock looking at

“consider that an order” I feel like using your authority to get your best friend to explain something personal to you is an abuse of power but what do I know

man how heavily guarded is this if spock’s willing to disobey a direct order in order to not explain it

oh right, biology. the biology of vulcans. the biology specifically belonging to vulcans. vulcan biology. that biology.

god spock’s so embarrassed I just want to reach through the screen and hug him

“the birds and the bees are not vulcans” yeah, it’s a metaphor, spock

jim you can’t tell me you’ve never wondered how vulcans choose their mates, given that you’re obviously in love with one

chekov and sulu have a wonderful dynamic I can already tell

spock ik the federation is a post-scarcity society and all that but that doesn’t mean you can just destroy your computer

chapel don’t just watch him sleep, that’s weird

oh ok he’s fully awake now

spock don’t come on to her

spock you’re gay

oh ok she has a first name

spock’s taking his emotional support humans down to vulcans huh

spock: she is t’pring…my wife jim, who was like 90% certain they’d been flirting for the past six months: beg pardon

did they beam down at sunset or is the vulcan sky just straight-up red

t’pring is so pretty

alright now spock’s gone full feral

“become the property of the victor” christ this is dated

I knew she was gonna pick jim but why’d she do that anyway, she definitely doesn’t want to marry him so what is it

really t’pau? insulting his heritage? fucking rude

I see jingle bells is a way of life for vulcans

ah so jim wants to make a good impression on his (however spock is related to t’pau)-in-law

spock: (holding a big axe) jim: scared_and_horny.gif

jim did not dodge that swing. spock could have sliced him in half. ripping open his shirt and exposing his titties was a deliberate decision. in this essay i will

it really says a lot about how lost in the sauce spock is that he’s attacking jim so viciously, bc he would never do that under normal circumstances

jim. jim your titties. they are bleeding.

this is the most homoerotic fighting I’ve ever seen

obv jim isn’t dead but he sure does look dead

even though ik jim is fine spock is still breaking my heart rn :(

t’pring’s logic certainly does check out

“live long and prosper, spock” “i shall do neither” :,(

spock smiling gives me so much serotonin

bones is a goddamn treasure i swear, where would the enterprise be without him

so rolling in the sand with jim and choking him broke spock out of the blood fever huh, funny how that works

“in a pig’s eye” I love Bones

good episode, always good to see something that sparked many many fanfics, and if I wasn’t already fully down for spirk this ep would probably change my mind

[deltaengineering]

that was the winter anime 2021 that was

Still not quite ready for a dozen posts about how terrible the likes of Combatants Will Be Dispatched are, sorry. Watch Vivy though, it owns. Here’s some more things that are (mostly) good. As always, worst to best.

Yatogame-chan Kansatsu Nikki S3

Yatogame has long run out of hot Nagoya facts and its ensemble comedy never amounted to much, so now it seems mostly content to just spam more and more wacky character designs. About the only thing that it has left going for it is that 3 minutes a week are more effort to drop than to watch, so I expect them to make a movie next. 4/10

Go-toubun no Hanayome S2

Quints is a weird one. S1 was a barely good enough (i.e., well above average) implementation of the ages old harem chestnut. S2 is actually better at the core of its appeal, since it gives all the characters a sharper profile (things like taking Nino from joke to badass and making Ichika a villain are no mean feat), but it does pay a steep price for it. You see, to deliver a steady drip feed of meaningful character moments it apparently has to rush through the source material at a breakneck pace, which completely wrecks the "story" part of this story and makes every episode seem like a recap. And it still keeps wasting precious time on vestigial nonsense like its framing device and the Kyoto flashback scenario that was already the worst part of S1. But by far the most annoying aspect is its insistence on keeping all the options valid, since it prevents any real progress and makes everything seem arbitrary and pointless. So sure enough, after a season of much ado we still don't end up anywhere — you can't really raise the stakes if all at stake was "who wins" to begin with. It's watchable and even enjoyable scene-for-scene but it's getting harder and harder to call it a solid show overall. 5/10

Skate Leading Stars

I was watching this primarily because I didn't like Yuri on Ice much and wanted to see if something that is a blatant attempt to cash in on it would be better — because while YoI delivers on one aspect (being hella gay), it really is an absolute shambles of a sports show. And sure enough, Skate Leading has none of the auteur appeal of YoI, but it just works much better. In particular I appreciate how it managed to make me care even a little about a cast of assholes, which is a nice contrast to the nauseatingly ingratiating way YoI tries to make you love its characters. Also, Skate Leading is just generally cheap and unambitious, so not susceptible to trying hard and painfully flaming out on the presentation side like YoI is. But at some point you gotta let go of these comparisons and on its own Skate Leading is... just fine, I guess? Competent, mildly engaging, not very memorable. And that's probably where it loses to Yuri on Ice in the end after all, even if I think it's "better". 6/10

Idoly Pride

Idoly Pride sold itself on me with a really good (and hilarious/tragic) first episode that was just too bizarre to ignore — I mean, how can you ignore GHOST IDOL MANAGERS. Well, the majority of the show isn't like that. It's a competent and solid version of the idol franchise show, yes, but it really had more potential than that. Especially midseason, it gets lost in these dozens of characters, and while they're all likeable, it does seem like a waste of a good story just centered on Mana/Kotona/Sakura. By the end it comes back around to the heart of the matter with a Maeda-style sob story, which could be a disaster but seasoned veteran Jukki Hanada makes it work anyway. Overall, there's quite a bit of ridiculous hacky melodrama in this, but quite honestly that's the best part and I wish it would concentrate more on it. The rest is just okay. 6/10

Yuru Camp S2

Yuru Camp is still likely the best pure iyashikei show when it gets down to business. Compared to S1 though, this seems to happen less and less. At its peaks (i.e., basically any quiet moment with Rin) it's at least as good as ever, and there's some good cast additions like Mini-Inuko, but it appears that Yuru Camp simply has run out of things you can do with camping and it fills up the time with other... stuff. This stuff includes the generic school club shenanigans it was never particularly good at, and a gigantic helping of crass consumerism. Yeah, I would say the majority of Yuru Camp is just a straight up infomercial at this point, which itself ranges from the perfectly acceptable (which cute anime isn't about food constantly), to the sketchy (I don't know whether the Izu tourism board cut this production a fat check, but if they didn't, Yuru Camp still gives its best effort to make it seem that way) to the highly irritating – I am aware that camping requires gear and you can't just ignore that, but you most definitely do not require whole arcs dedicated to talking about raising funds for the purposes of acquiring the Lamp of Comfy Happiness at your friendly local Caribou™ either. Not to mention an arc where the aforementioned lame school club does the same, for double irritation. Make no mistake, this show is so riddled with scenes that beg for a solution to embed affiliate links in video files that it makes me wish I was watching something as anticapitalist and underground as Love Live. And irritating really is the last thing a show with this core concept, as stellar as it is at that, can afford to be. Bummer. 6/10

SKOO the Infinity

Skoo has one really huge asset: ADAM, its magnificent villain. It also has one really huge liability: Reki, its not magnificent protagonist. To be more specific, it's very good at anything outrageous, physics-defying and silly, such as most scenes ADAM is in, and quite bad at anything serious, dramatic (in a serious way) and down to earth, such as most scenes Reki is in. So, what's the verdict? Well, the rest of the cast is more ADAM-like, and Reki's co-protagonist Langa is fine as the straight (yeah, right) man. The tedious buddy drama is a comparatively small part of this show, and at least it pays off quite well in the end. Seriously, I was ready to give this a 6, but the final episode is probably the best one of the show, in all of its aspects. That's really not something you see often. Skoo's a great time. Except when it's not. 7/10

Non Non Biyori Nonstop

Speaking of the rare good ending, what about we gave one of those to a slim and inconsequential slice-of-life show? NNB has always been solid, comfy and amusing quality with a couple of standout moments (usually something with Renge), and Nonstop has that plus an ending as conclusive as any show of this type is ever going to have. Besides, it does a lot of things right by focusing on more characters than the central 4 (especially Konomi has great material in S3), it expands the universe just enough to not get stale, and it moves things forward — It's definitely a lot better than the movie, is what I'm saying. Apart from that, well, we're three seasons in, if you have any interest in this you probably don't need me to explain what's good about NNB at this point. Bonus points for being nothing but an ad for the manga. 7/10

Wonder Egg Priority

Oh boy, so here's the big one. Wonder Egg is the rare Meaningful Arthouse Show About Real Issues You Guys, as you might have heard. And well, the long and short of it is that it's a very good show with quite a few glaring problems (besides not actually being finished due to production issues, but what we have is enough of an ending to be able to meaningfully talk about it). In particular, one problem: WEP is, at its core, one of these metaphorical Magical Girl-ish series that are just a thin layer of abstraction over coming-of-age or societal problems. The issue is that "metaphorical" in this case means "literal" and "thin" means "basically nonexistent". This show is not subtle regarding what it's about, at all. This is a double-edged sword — on the positive side, some things really should just be said aloud, and I'm really, really fucking tired of the Ikuhara style of "here's some wacky things, maybe a blog post will eventually tell you how it's actually about the most important thing ever" obfuscation — if it's really so important, just spell it out. On the other hand, there are limits to this and when a second, different Ai appears I don't really need a voiceover line telling me that yep, this show is about parallel universes now. WEP spells out many important things, but it also spells out many things that are implicitly clear or better left vague. Not to mention that with being so obvious up front, the show's tendency to leave figuring out what it's actually saying about it up to the viewer can leave the wrong impression. Again, I settled on the opinion that it's subtle after all where it counts the most, but you might easily get the impression that it pulls its punches (Ikuhara does this the exact other way around — once you figure out what the fuck he's talking about it's abundantly clear what he's saying about it).

In fact, this show is so good at subtle, quiet character moments that it calls into question the need for big huge fighting fantasy layer in the first place, especially since I'm not a fan of the fantasy designs and the fights aren't great. Sure, they look impressive on a technical level (this show is very good looking in general), but the lack of actual impact or rhythm makes me think this is not made by people who are very familiar with action and maybe they should have asked some seasoned shounen veterans for this — or just, you know, not do it. They can (and do) impress with character acting in quiet scenes just the same. And while Ai's character story actually does pay off quite nicely by the end we got, and Momoe and Rika are also handled well, Neiru's backstory is significantly less good, not to mention the whole Frill subplot regarding the show's mythology that they introduced just before (and that's the part to be resolved at a later date), which is a huge can of worms. We'll see how well they handle that, I suppose, but as it is it's a weird and vestigial detour that doesn't add much besides thematic headaches.

But yeah, apart from all that — I like it, a lot. Great character writing in the details, cool looks for the most part, tons of ambition, and a message that I consider to be appropriately handled — for the most part, and for now. Not quite ambitious arthouse anime at its finest, but also not a pretentious disaster like Sarazanmai, Monogatari et al. 8/10

[zizz-asdf-re-r-o-u]

Gory Podcast Recommends

Hi there! This is just a self indulgent post for those who are looking for gory podcasts. I think of it kind of like the opposite of ASMR- horrible sounds that give you the good adrenaline rushing chills. Note: I lean towards queer podcasts, so with a few exceptions, you can trust these are predominantly full of gays. 

Top 3 that I have listened to and finished=

Blood Crow Stories: My introduction to audio drama horror and I stand by that it has some of the most convincing foley work. Sometimes in strict audio dramas without a narrator, it’s hard to tell what’s going on, but there’s not much confusion in BCS. Season 1 is found footage, seasons 2 & 3 are strongest in terms of physical/supernatural action. There hasn’t been much in season 4 yet, but I can tell it’s getting there. Also, if you want a giant cast of interesting gays in slasher horror, this is it. Tumblr: @thebloodcrowstories

Darkest Night: This is basically if you strapped in a VR headset to witness all the action. Season 1 & 2 are set in reality and you can, for the most part, actually feel every stab, every slice, every crash, every body or body part that flies over your head, and more. And I meant it when I say “feel” the action, instead of hear. Season 1 also has the benefit of taking creative liberties on horror twists/action. Note: There are only 2 canon gay characters out of all 3 seasons & 1 of them die, but I headcanon some others to be queer-coded.

Archive 81: It’s mostly speculative horror, so it’s not grounded in reality, but there is a lot of delicious body horror and sound design that’s unique and brings you into its version of (un)reality throughout the entire show. Also, all the voice actors sound unique and nice to me, without relying on “character voices/accents” that Blood Crow Stories relies on. Tumblr: @archive81

And now here’s some other shows, some horror, some not, but have some amazing horror sound design & foley work:

AM Archives: Out of the 3 Bright Universe podcasts, I think this one had the best fight SFX and my favorite voice acting, especially revolving one of the deaths (I relisten to that episode way more than is healthy).

Bright Sessions: the one fight scene it had was AMAZING, even though most of the tension was built up by dialogue instead. Interestingly, I think some of Bright Session’s best action scenes are when the action is silent. 

Dark Dice: This is the only D&D podcast I’ve been able to listen to, and I think it’s cause the monster SFX and horror elements are real gross and enjoyable.

The Deep Vault: Made by the same creators of Archive81, the sound design is just as good and is more grounded in reality. Unfortunately, it’s a little busy and no matter how much I relisten, I can’t understand what the whole vat/door situation is. 

Dining in the Void: The show’s sound design definitely getting better (and the music is great), but there are moments in season 1 where it struggles with silence. Where this podcast excels though, is audio drama storytelling with no narrator and I’ve been desperately searching for all gays in horror that do this. 

Dos After You: Ok so admittedly the sound is a bit rough, but there is this one scene that really leans into how sexy horror SFX can be.

How I Died: This is like Darkest Night, except with a canon queer main character and we hear the actual victims, instead of their final moments. There’s minimal action, but still a lovely amount of corpse squishiness. Trigger warning that it touches upon sexual & child assault multiple times. 

Mabel: This is like horror ASMR if feral bloodcurdling screams were ASMR.

Malevolent: It took a while for me to get into it, and because of the episode release timing, it’s hard for me to remember plot moments. But HOLY COW the foley work is realistic, gross, and super immersive. All made & voiced by 1 guy as well!

Null/Void: More quippy gays in horror and action! The action doesn’t kick in until later, but it has some of my favorite kidnapping/snooping around audio scenes.

Omen: Oh MAN i love love a lot of the attack and distress noises, and many of the fight SFX is quite “realistic”.

Oh Asphalt Bones: It’s very rare, but there are a few episodes who some very lovely squishy body gore.

The Orphans: This came before Dining in the Void and is more like survival/Lost, than an Escape room/station/Clue. I think my favorite scene is still in the beginning ocean scene. 

The Penumbra Podcast (Juno Steel): If you’re on tumblr, you probably already hear a lot of people praise it for the queerness and storytelling, but it also a lot of fight scenes, several horror-adjacent scenes, and a surprising amount of murder. The ending of season 2 does suffer from audio confusion (along with an unreliable narrator).

The Penumbra Podcast (Second Citadel): Even though its the same sound designer/editor, the sound effects (including creatures) in this story is a lot more immersive and convincing, with the bonus of having no narrator. 

Primordial deep: Has good amount of body squish and creature noises, but can sometimes be confusing. Has a “anyone can die” vibe with it. No one is explicitly queer, but several characters flirt with multiple genders.

Quiet Part Loud: It’s a Jordan Peele production’s take on weird horror and while I can’t stand the main character, I think this is the only “mainstream” audio drama that I found actually creative and geared towards an audio-focused medium, utilizing Archive 81/Skillset-style audio “monsters” in a cool way.

Remainder: This has some GOOD fight, torture, and body illness horror scenes. There’s also several good explosions. However, there was a major scene that should’ve had an epic battlefield soundscape + epic explosion, but completely missed out on it. There’s no canon queer characters at all.

Skillset: The fights are like Electromancy meets Stranger Things meets Valence meets Archive81. And next to Archive81, I think this is one of the most creative audio drama “monsters”/fight sound design I’ve heard in a while. Many audio dramas use generic monster noises or fight SFX, but Archive81 and Skillset, creatively use sound distortion as “monsters”. This is still a very visual action story, but it uses the advantages of a sound medium where possible. 

The Two Princes: What?! This is a completely family friendly story, like think Disney if it was actually gay. However, like Pixar, there’s actually a few moments that are real scary: season 1 finale, the S2 hydra scene, and the last 2 episodes of season 3. 

Vampires of Whitechapel: Despite advertising itself as sexy vampires no more, some of those bloodcurdling screams? Still pretty sexy. 

WOE.BEGONE: The first 2 seasons were more descriptive gory than SFX gory, but now, we get a improved SFX and lots and lots of pain noises. If you wanna hear someone in pain, listen to this. Fun fact: if you stick around for the outro bloopers, you can hear the creator’s cat being worried that the creator is in real pain LOL.