#this episode everyone went would you like to have a serious emotional conversation

[jaggedwolf]

 #let us take a minute to appreciate spencer hastings being spencer hastings #cutie pie is the only one complaining because a freaking test was cancelled #I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS LITTLE SCENE OKAY?!! (via @houseofhastings)

[naofairy]

Sakuatsu | Pillowtalk | Hurt/Comfort | Post time-skip | Established relationship | Mature

(This is my first fic in English, let's go)

A game of tongues slowly faded into lingering pecks, while both he and Kiyoomi tried to catch their breaths. His boyfriend’s hand, previously wandering over his flushed skin and leaving traces of strong grips and occasional scratches, now stopped in the middle of his chest. Soft dark curls gently tickled his neck as Kiyoomi pressed three more kisses above his clavicle. Usually, Atsumu let himself melt under the familiarity and comfort of this touch, but tonight his mind seemed to find itself somewhere else. 

“Did I hurt you?“ There was a minute change in Kiyoomi’s expression, a delicate furrow of his brow that could easily go unnoticed if you weren’t as familiar with it. Soft brown eyes briefly met with expectant onyx ones.

“Nah, ‘s not that,“ Atsumu answered quietly, averting his gaze, the certainty of his voice lost somewhere in the darkness of their bedroom.

“What is it then? You’re rarely this quiet.”

There was really no point in avoiding the conversation. He could never keep his mouth shut long enough and the only person other than his twin who could effectively persuade him into opening up about his feelings was lying here beside him with still warm sheets tangled around their legs.

“Been thinkin’ for some time now… ‘S probably a bit selfish to ask…” He curled himself into the warmth of the pale chest and released a shaky breath as if his emotions could flow right out with it. “I wanna stay here. With ya.”

Kiyoomi’s eyes searched Atsumu’s face, trying to determine the meaning behind his expression.

“What exactly do you mean by that? It’s not like I’m going anywhere anytime soon.” There was a time when Kiyoomi’s focused gaze would have felt heavy, but with years of their relationship, this sharp look, along with the present weight of his palm against Atsumu’s chest, was assuring enough.

“I know. ‘S just…” He followed the scattered moles on Kiyoomi’s chest with his fingertip. “With Shouyou goin’ back to Brazil, Kageyama movin’ to Italy, Ushijima to Poland… Shit, even Oikawa in Argentina. It’s like everyone’s leavin’ sooner or later.” 

It was almost impossible not to think about it. With how many years they’ve all spent on the court it was an expected change. They went to the Olympics, of course they were valued internationally. And while Atsumu always aimed for the sky with his dreams, he began to show more appreciation towards the permanent things in life as he got older. Like the after-training car ride home in the passenger seat, when they would listen to the latest episodes of Kiyoomi’s favourite podcasts or staying after hours at Osamu’s shop to talk shit with his brother and steal some umeboshi onigiri for his boyfriend. It granted him comfort he was scared was too easy to lose.

“I like it here in Osaka. And I love playin’ for MSBY. I love our apartment. I love havin’ ‘Samu close. Don’t get me wrong, I’m aware they’re all these great opportunities to grow, I just… Kinda feel like I wanna grow right here.” He rarely got this self-conscious with Kiyoomi. They often joked and snickered and teased, but their line of communication always remained open. However, this was different. This was about their future and he knew Kiyoomi took it seriously. He wasn’t going to hold him back from pursuing his goals. If there was a call tomorrow and Kiyoomi would want to take that spot, Atsumu would let him, no questions asked.

But here they were now, Atsumu blissed out, cuddled to Kiyoomi’s warmth and with his heart fragile and open. 

His lover’s gaze never strayed from his face.

“Okay,” Kiyoomi said and Atsumu could finally breathe again. “Then let’s stay here.”

“Wait, what?!” He sat up on the bed alarmed, the warmth of Kiyoomi’s body now replaced by the sudden increase in his own heart rate. “Yer not serious, are ya? I’m not askin’ ya to do that, though! Just sharin’ my thoughts.”

“Yes, I’m serious. I have nothing against staying here.” Kiyoomi’s expression was nothing but earnest.

“But ya don’t understand! It’s not whether ya have somethin’ against that or not. Ya have to think ‘bout yerself. Ya can’t give away yer future just ‘cause I said so.”

“I know that.” Kiyoomi sighed, slowly getting up. “But you also know how I feel about change. Do you think I’d be ecstatic to leave behind all of this for a place full of strangers in another country? I have enough social barriers as it is.” He took Atsumu’s hand in his and gave each of the knuckles a kiss. “Maybe I don’t tell you that enough but I like what we have. And it’s not as if I’m settling for less. We make a strong team. And there’s no one else I’d rather have as a setter.” 

Atsumu took a second to look deep into his boyfriend’s eyes, seeing there was no trace of uncertainty.

“Okay, loverboy.” Kiyoomi scowled at the nickname, making Atsumu chuckle. He loved how the spiker was simple in his honesty, rarely leaving space for confusion. It made something in his chest grow warmer every time they let themselves get vulnerable. “But if one day there’s a call…” He nipped at the skin of Kiyoomi’s shoulder, his voice getting muffled by the soft skin. “And ya change your mind… Then I want us to revisit this conversation.”

“I won’t change my mind. But if there’s a call, then we’ll talk and we’ll make that decision together.” Kiyoomi grabbed him by the chin so he could leave a delicate kiss on Atsumu’s cheek. “ How does that sound?”

“I’d like that, making decisions together,” Atsumu whispered, a small smile appearing on his face. He wouldn’t ever admit it, but he was thankful for the reassurement. He looked into the onyx eyes, wondering how everyone could be blind to their expressiveness when they were so deeply filled with affection. “Ya know, yer the one I wanna lead my life with.”

“Is that your way of proposing?” A teasing smirk made its way onto Kiyoomi’s face.

“Oh my God, no!” Atsumu nearly yelled, his cheeks turning maroon. “Wait… Would ya actually say yes?” He wasn’t opposed to that thought. Not at all. But he felt that the right time and place were yet to come.

“You wouldn’t let me live if I answered that question right now.” Kiyoomi’s smile grew even wider as he stood up, leaving the sheet he used to cover his body forgotten on their bed.

“God, I love ya so fuckin’ much.” Atsumu chuckled.

“Well, you’re lucky that I love you too.” Kiyoomi left a quick peck on his lips. “Can we finally go shower?”

“Sure, Omi. I’ve kept you long enough.” With a big smile on his face, he joined his boyfriend behind the bathroom door.

Happy birthday, Kiyoomi

[tiredhermitgirl]

Blue Lock Chapter 240 Thoughts

I know a lot of people want Nagi’s downfall after reading this new chapter but I gotta say I think BOTH Nagi and Reo will fall.

As we noticed it wasn’t just Nagi’s bid that went down. Reo’s went down too and the problem is that their dynamic is still not developed. They came back way too soon.

While I am glad they have mended the friendship, it would have been better if they had talked it out and then proceeded to still work on themselves separately. I honestly wished that they were on different teams because it would be a lot easier to accomplish that.

To me, both are doomed to fail because they both do not have true Egos. You have one who doesn’t know what his Ego is and doesn’t even seem to have one and then you have the other whose ego is wrapped around the person with seemingly no ego.

So essentially, you have two people with no egos. I honestly don’t believe that Reo’s ego is to make Nagi the best striker. I don’t think that is how egos work because egos are suppose to be self-centered and selfish. You have to believe that YOU are the best in the world. A true ego has no room for other people.

So Reo’s ego being centered around Nagi is holding him back. He has put himself in the support role when he needs to act like he is the protagonist. Reo is insanely talented and a genius himself but as we see with both the manga and Episode Nagi, he does not see himself that way. From the get go, he has put Nagi on this pedestal and has placed everything on him. Nagi similarly has done the same thing.

But this will not work. As we know, the reason why Nagi beat Isagi was in part because he believed himself to be the protagonist of the story. THAT is what it takes to be the best. That belief.

But when you have someone who is downplaying themselves and then another who can’t seem to find the motivation to be the best. Of course both are doomed to fail.

I personally believe that they both need to separate because they are falling back into those bad habits. Reo is going back to putting Nagi on this pedestal and while I don’t think Nagi is going back into complacency, I think he is really struggling to find a motivation to keep pushing and improving. And Reo doesn’t see that his usual tactics for Nagi are not gonna work this time. Nagi is very much aware that what he accomplished with Isagi was probably a one time thing but Reo does not see it that way. He kind of dismisses Nagi’s unease and says “just continue doing what you are doing and I will handle the rest.”

But that was the old dynamic and that is not going to work. And I think Nagi knows this because he pauses and stares at Reo. But he looks uneasy. He concedes in the end but to me that signaled that Nagi doesn’t really believe what Reo is saying. Nor should he because that old dynamic and way of thinking will not get them anywhere now that they are so far along.

And I really feel bad for Nagi because he is trying! Like to me it really seems like he is trying to find that motivator, to keep going and to produce results but he is having a hard time. And the problem is nobody really understand him. Rin was the WRONG person to ask questions too because…yeah… that guy. And literally everyone else is super intense as well. Nagi is the ONLY person in Blue Lock who does not have the intensity that everyone else has. Even Reo has that intensity, a goal that he is working towards. But like Nagi said, he literally tagged along. Sure he felt new emotions like curiosity, frustration, and anger but Nagi is a very mellow and rational person. And when you have everyone else acting so freaking crazy and intense it is no wonder that he has no one to talk to about his issues because no one can understand his mindset.

I would really love to see Nagi actually talk to Reo about his issues and reservations and have a serious conversation on what they should do. I think with the proper guidance they can definitely work through it but at this stage, Nagi seriously needs to discover his ego and Reo really needs to be a lot more self-reflecting and a lot less self-deprecating.

[kierancaz]

Ok so I just watched episode 5 of the pjo show and honestly I might get dragged for this but I have some very real criticisms of it that I want to share. And if you enjoy the show that’s fine, I’m enjoying it to but at the same time I have a lot of issues with it and want to talk about it because I think being able to be real and critical of stuff that you like is important.

I think I’ll start with the pacing because that’s my biggest issue with it rn. It is moving so fast it feels like it’s just doing the spark notes version of the book. And ik we are all on the train of adaptations not having to be exactly like the book anymore, (which is literally just a thing that came about bc of this show and if it was any other show to book movie I think ppl would have a different tune but that is an entirely different conversation that maybe I’ll talk about later because I find it very interesting tbh), but the show is cutting out a lot of stuff that I feel was very important to the characters and in the books. I don’t know if this us because of the episode count or the episode length of if it’s the right, maybe it’s all three, but I feel like because the pacing is so fast the story is just breezing past a lot of emotional beats.

Which brings me to my next point. I have not felt a single thing watching any of these episodes. In fact I felt more about this show when I watching a single clip from episode 5 on TikTok than I did while watching the actual episode even at that clip. The show is so bad at building tension for literally anything. And I know everyone hates the movies and all that but the movies scene with Mrs Dodds had more tension and life than the scene did in the show. And I’ve heard people dispute “oh Percy has been seeing stuff all his life he probably thought that this was just that and didn’t realize it was real” but that has nothing to do with this. Why didn’t Mrs Dodds lead him away from all the other students? Why would she attack him in broad daylight when she’d aware that Chiron and a satyr are there? Or even if she didn’t know Chiron was there if she knew there was a demigod there she should’ve at least suspected the presence of a satyr.

The chimera fight was also very disappointing. Now I don’t remember exactly how this fight went in the books or in the movies but I don’t need to remember to know that this fight as equally tensionless and emotionless as the Mrs Dodds fight. And yah, they’re kids, it doesn’t need to be some epic battle or anything, but there should be tension. We should feel a least a little nervous even if we know what’s going to happen. Ngl. I don’t even know what to say about the Medusa fight bc I don’t even remember what happened. I don’t remember what happened in the books when it came to Medusa besides Percy cutting off her head and sending it to the gods. I’d definitely have to reread the books again before I comment on the change of theme surrounding Medusa and like half of the main theme of the series because Rick did some serious reconning with this stuff but unfortunately my books are lost somewhere in my basement.

I do think the Minotaur fight was fine really good though. The bond between Percy and his mom was built up really well and it was pretty devastating with that last scene between them. You could really feel the impact that Sally’s “death” had on him. However, it was so fucking dark it was hard to see half of what was happening and I’m gonna talk about that more later.

The next thing I want to talk about is the acting/casting. And before anyone says anything this has nothing to do with Annabeth being black or Percy not having black hair. Their characters feel flat and honestly I think that if it’s anyone’s fault it’s the directors and the script. I’ll use Walker as a reference because he’s the only one I’ve seen in anything else, in The Adam Project he was brilliant. Like there were multiple times where his performance alone had me in tears. That movie had me ugly sobbing at least three times and Walker was definitely part of the reason why.

In the pjo show he just feels… dull. And a tad bit lifeless which is baffling. How do you even make a character like Percy Jackson that, I’m sorry to say but, boring. Even the movies managed to give him more personality than the show, and I genuinely hate to say that but if I had to rank all the Percy’s show Percy is at the bottom which is so hard to say because Walker is perfect for this role but still he has more Percy Personality in that Kraft Mac and Cheese ad that he did with Ryan Reynolds. I do realize that part of this could be because we don’t have Percy’s inner monologue, sorta like what happened with Harry in Harry Potter, but there are ways to combat that like having a character be more expressive and stuff and that is also just not happening.

*(Also if anyone of curious my Percy Ranking goes 1: book Percy, 2: musical Percy, 3: movie Percy, 4: show Percy).

Speaking of expressiveness, Leah as Annabeth is also very disappointing because in her interviews she seems so Annabeth and I can see why Rick choose her but in the show all of her lines are delivered the exact same and the most emotion we get from her is a pinch of her eyebrows. And it’s a similar issue with Walker because he doesn’t emote that much either and neither does Aryan so I’m definitely thinking that it’s an issue with the directing instead of the actors. I don’t have much to say about Aryan. He’s ok, he has the same issues as the others of just not having a lot of emotion or very good dialogue/line delivery but again I don’t think that’s his fault and instead the direction of the show.

Listen I think they’re all incredible and the chemistry that they have in interviews is amazing. But the fact that I can see more of their characters in interviews than the actual show is insane, especially because it’s so obvious they all care about their characters and the world of Percy Jackson so much that I think if they were left on their own they could do this show perfectly but someone behind the scenes is stamping down their performances for the sake of the show taking itself too seriously.

Charlie and Dior were both great for the screen time they had. I mean not much to say about them tbh bc they didn’t have that much screen time but Dior’s scream after her spear was broken was literal gold. Adam Copeland as Ares was amazing and Lin Manuel Miranda as Hermes is quite possibly the worst thing that they could’ve ever done.

I know a lot of people were praising the change they made with Annabeth and Percy’s relationship and how that instead of disliking each other because of their parents they disliked each other because of bad personal impressions. But honestly I have to disagree. If I remember correctly Annabeth disliked him because he was son of Poseidon, and Percy disliked Annabeth because she was rude to him. And to me that made perfect sense because Annabeth was literally being indoctrinated by the gods/what they teach at camp for years/half her childhood why wouldn’t she hate Percy based solely on the fact her mom hates his dad? And I think that was actually kind of important as a character trait and I’m pretty bummed it was changed. (Ngl tho like I said earlier I haven’t read the books in a long time so I could be wrong about this, I’m just basing this off what other people have said about the beginning of their relationship in reference to the show and the books).

Also going back to what I said about the lighting ‼️SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 5 ‼️this really pissed me off because so many shows do this and it only started becoming a real problem in recent years. In episode 5 when Percy and Annabeth are entering the amusement park it is so goddamn dark I could not see what was happening. I have no idea what that machine over Percy’s head at the entrance was or looked like. I don’t know why it made him so scared because I could not see it. I could not see their faces as they were talking. I could literally barely see where they were when they panned out to show them walking through the amusement part and this makes no sense to me. You have this huge elaborate set that I would really like to see but it is so dark the only things I can make out is a ferris wheel and maybe a bumper car? I could not see shit, it was so annoying and so many new shows do this where the scenes at night are just so dark you cannot see anything. And I get that sometimes it’s intentional, you’re not supposed to see what’s going on, but this is not one of those scenes so why am I having such a hard time finding our main characters?

I really need to reread the books again and when I do I will add more to this probably or just remake the post. But so far I think the show is really mediocre and pretty disappointing, and I think it’s important to point this stuff out and not just heap piles of praise onto the show just because it’s written by the og writer of the book. We’re definitely going to get more seasons and I would like those seasons to be better than this one and actually let the actors shine and for the show to reflect what was so amazing about the books. Also, I just want to say that there are moments/stuff that I like about the show and as critical as I am of it it’s because I like the series, not because I’m just trying to be a hater. But seriously, I used to hate the movies with every fiber of my being but because of the show I have a new found appreciation for them, which I think that in and of itself says a lot about how the show has been so far.

[sassykattery]

Celebrations of the Heart, Pt. 1

I hope you enjoyed Chapter 8. Now, we move on to the next "love chapter," as I like to call them. Get settled because this is a long one, and we will be moving up to three uploads a week until this chapter finishes, so stay tuned!

CW: MC is afab, uses she/her pronouns. MC is a demon and poly. Mention of reader using self-harm in the past but nothing graphically mentioned. Mention of reader depression. It gets a bit emotional here. Reader referred to as princess as endearment.

Themes: Romance. DiavoloxMC. Mental health. LuciferxMC.

Characters: Diavolo, MC="you", Lucifer, all brothers, Barbatos, Solomon

Minors and ageless blogs DNI

18+ only

Enjoy~

"My love," he muttered, "I missed you terribly."

-

You rubbed your face in Diavolo's jacket, savoring the feel and smell of him, muttering something muffled along the lines of "I missed you too."

It seemed to take him a little longer than usual to pull away, and when he did, he looked you over.

"How was your vacation?" He asked, looking serious.

"It was lovely," you replied, cupping his cheek. "Are you taking me to the castle?"

"Indeed, but I thought I might treat you to a meal first, if that's alright," he stated, gently smiling.

"I would love nothing more," you replied quietly.

A few seconds after you and Diavolo left, Lucifer turned to his brothers.

"Dearest brothers, we have a problem," Lucifer stated, beckoning them to all come to the dining room to sit. After everyone found their respective seats, Lucifer continued. "MC is stressed. I've already spoken with Lord Diavolo, and we are making the necessary changes to accommodate her needs."

"Hold up," Mammon interrupted, "Are you all just now realizin' it? Ya know she barely wants to speak to any of you, and she stays up almost all night once a week, just to study for her royal duties."

Everyone silently stared at Mammon.

"And why are you just now saying this?" Satan growled at the second eldest.

"Because I'm not the one stressin' her out! I ain't on her shitlist like you all are!" Mammon retorted. "I'll remind ya, Asmo, Levi, Belphie, and you all chewed her out for not spendin' time with ya!"

"Regardless," Lucifer snapped, redirecting the conversation, "We need to be on our best behavior, for her sake. Otherwise, we may have a bigger problem on our hands."

"Like what?" Levi asked nervously.

"She's prone to... depressive episodes," Mammon answered quietly. Everyone stared at him again.

"And that means...?" Belphie asked.

"Nevermind that, we just can't let it get out of hand," Lucifer quipped, unable to speak on the atrocity. "We have another issue to address."

Asmo whispered to Satan, "No really, what did Mammon mean?" Satan shrugged.

"Her bir-"

"Mammon, if you know so damn much, what am I thinking right now? Get it right and I won't string you up," Lucifer snarled.

Mammon shut his mouth and "tched" the eldest.

"As I was saying, her birthday is coming up in a week, and I figured that would be an excellent way to brighten her spirits," Lucifer continued. "So, I propose we all think carefully about what we would like to do for her, either as a group or individually. I imagine Lord Diavolo would like a say in the matter, too. In fact, I'm sure he has a rather large plan for that day, so let us meet tomorrow to discuss it."

They all nodded in agreement and disbanded for the evening. Well, the eldest went to his office at least. After he was hopefully out of earshot, Satan walked up to Mammon, with the other four standing behind the fourth eldest to listen.

"What did you mean... about MC?" Satan asked.

Mammon sighed and crossed his arms, looking at the ground. "Back in the human world, she struggled a lot with depression, and her copin' mechanisms were... self-inflicted harm, most of the time," he replied quietly.

Asmo nearly burst into tears. "We can't let that happen," he whined.

Mammon nodded, "We all agree then."

-

"Did I tell you the story of the death fowl I encountered my first year?" You asked Diavolo. You two were at Le Pluvier eating dinner.

"Hm, I don't believe so, what happened?" he asked inquisitively.

"I was mad about some things that happened earlier that day, and when I came back to the House of Lamentation, I went for a walk. When I got too close to the forest near the House, a death fowl attacked me, and I've been afraid of them ever since," you explained.

Diavolo stared at you, "And I'm just now hearing about this?"

You tried to give him a charming smile and bat your eyelashes. "Anyway! Lucifer and I encountered one on our vacation. It just wanted to roost nearby, so we let it be, but I guess I'm still afraid of them after all this time," you chuckled.

"How interesting. Now, tell me again about the one that attacked you?" He said, changing the subject back. You rolled your eyes and told him the rest of the story and more about your vacation. Though, as you two conversed, there was an uneasiness about him, as if he was looking for something in your words or your body language. It made you a little uneasy yourself.

-

After arriving at the castle, you started to walk to your suite, but Diavolo gently grabbed your hand. "Would you be willing to stay in my room?" He asked quietly. You nodded.

"Let me change and I'll be right there." He inclined his head in response and left you to your quarters. It was hard to ignore how solemn he seemed, to you. It was rare to see the prince so... off.

After changing into your nightshirt, you slipped into his room, where he had also changed into his pajamas, as he sat on the edge of his bed. Feeling anxious, you approached and stood before him.

"I know there's something you want to say," you murmured.

Diavolo looked up at you, his face unreadable. His hand went up and cupped your face as he gazed at you.

"Do you want to talk about it now? I don't mind," you said, leaning into his touch.

Silently, he moved to the head of the bed, propped up against the headboard, and you followed to straddle his lap.

"You do know I love you, yes?" he asked quietly, his tone was strange too. You couldn't tell if he was upset with you, mad, or sad.

"Yes, and I love you," you replied, tilting your head.

"Then why did you not come to me when you were suffering?"

Your gaze immediately shifted away, feeling the discomfort arising.

"Have we not been through so much already? I have told you to please come to me, to let me help you. Are we not partners?" He continued.

The guilt washed over you, knowing he was right, but you were unable to say as much. A shameful flush dusted your cheekbones, and the urge to snap percolated in your throat.

"Why did I have to find out from someone else that there was a problem? Can you not come to me when you need help?" Diavolo's voice increased in volume a smidge.

"Because it's my sin!" You hissed as tears started to fall. "I am supposed to do this on my own, and I'll never be seen as respectable if I'm constantly having to rely on someone else just because I'm a little sad!"

His gaze softened this time, realizing you indeed were falling victim to your sin of vainglory, and that wasn't your fault.

"Darling," he cooed, wiping away your tears, "I know it's hard to fight it, and I'm not asking you to. When I heard that you're no longer taking care of yourself, I couldn't help but feel betrayed. I know I don't see things as you do. However, I need you to lean into me when things are difficult. Whether or not you realize it, I lean on you when my work becomes a little more than I can bear. And this is more than just a little sad. I'm worried about you," he explained in a gentle voice.

"I-I'm so-sorry," you lightly sobbed. He immediately pulled you into him, enveloping you in his large arms to surround you with his comfort.

"Shh, I know. I'm here, my princess," he murmured in your ear. He grabbed your shoulders to pull you back slightly to look at him. "What matters is that we are going to fix it, okay?" You nodded in reply. "Now, let's lay down for a while. I missed having you in my arms," he purred.

Both of you got situated, both of you laying on your sides facing on another, your face tucked under his chin.

---

"Hm? You want me to do what?" You asked Barbatos.

"You see, mistress, my lord has tasked me with extra duties today, and I was hoping I could ask you to go to the market today and get items from this list here. Of course, the palace will pay for everything," he explained, handing you the black credit card, "I would be most appreciative if you did this."

You stared at the credit card and narrowed your eyes, mulling it over. It was the first full day back from your vacation, and you anticipated having to do more royal studies, but this was different, and it was unusual for Barbatos to ask such a thing of you.

"I suppose, you know I'd do anything to help you," you replied, gently taking the card. "Though, I can't help but feel like there's more going on," you stated.

"You wound me mistress," Barbatos said with a knowing smile, and you smiled back in kind, knowing he was joking with you. That was his way of saying you were correct, without saying it.

"Fine, fine, I shall go."

As soon as you were out of sight from the castle doors, Barbatos retrieved Diavolo from his office.

"She's gone. Shall we go now?" Barbatos said.

Diavolo nodded, "Solomon is following her, yes?" he asked the butler, and received a nod in reply. The two then teleported to the House of Lamentation.

-

"Ack!" Mammon spewed when Diavolo and Barbatos materialized in the common room where the brothers were sitting around.

"Ah, now that we're all here, let us begin," Lucifer stated. "Lord Diavolo?"

"I know we usually throw a surprise party for MC when these occasions come up, but this is her first birthday as a demon, and I would like to make it special as there are many more to come, also I think I would help with her current state," Diavolo stated, walking the room as he spoke. "To start, I would like everyone to share their ideas."

"I was thinking we could do a spa day," Asmo said with a dreamy look in his eyes.

"Next," Mammon blurted in a bored tone.

Belphie brought his head up, "Wait, I think MC would like Asmo's idea. It might make her feel better. I could take a nap even."

"We could rent a food truck," Beel suggested with a hungry, faraway look in his eyes.

"Try again," Mammon said.

Levi spoke next, "We could rent out a karaoke bar."

"Hmm," Mammon said, pretending to think, and then said, "No."

"Alright Mammon, you've shot down three ideas, let's hear yours if it's so good," Satan retorted.

"Obviously she would want to go on a shopping spree," Mammon said smugly.

"Enough," Lucifer groaned.

"And what's your idea then, Lucifer?" Mammon asked with a sigh.

Barbatos spoke up, "I apologize, if I could interrupt?" Lucifer nodded. "What if everyone did the things they wanted with MC as part of the day? Each one of us gets their own time alone with MC."

"Oh! Interesting idea, Barbatos," Diavolo said excitedly. "Everyone is then able to individually spend time with MC but also celebrate her."

"Precisely, my lord," the butler replied. "Perhaps at the end of the day, we could all get-together for a party."

All the brothers were silent. It wasn't a bad idea. In fact, everyone would get some time alone with you, which is all everyone ever wanted.

"Hold up, all nine of us are gonna spend the day with MC? What are we gonna do, create time slots and a schedule?" Mammon asked.

"Technically, to make it work, yes," Barbatos replied. "I also imagine Solomon and Simeon would like to join in as well."

"I mean, if that's what it takes, I guess," Levi agreed.

"So, are we all in agreement?" Diavolo asked. The brothers all nodded, and he smiled widely. "Then it's settled. Thank you all for doing this, I think MC will have a rather excellent birthday this year, and we'll set a precedent for the many more she'll have."

-

"Solomon, I know you're back there," you said, looking at produce.

"Ahh, MC, what brings you to Devilmart?" Solomon asked with his usual smile, coming around to see what you were looking at.

"Shopping for Barbatos. Are these Devil Crush Mangos okay to you?" you said. Then you remembered who it is that should be the last person you ask for food advice.

"I think so. So why is Barbatos suddenly having you do his chores?" Solomon replied.

"He claims that Diavolo gave him more work than usual today and I would be a big help if I did this for him. I can't say no to a request like that from him, but I know it's because they're planning something for my birthday," you replied back.

Solomon fought to remain calm at how easy it was to figure out. "I see. Well, if that's the case I would certainly be eager to see what they plan for you," he stated.

"Eager... that's a word," you muttered.

"You doubt their abilities?" Solomon asked.

You finally grabbed the fruit and put it in your basket and proceeded to walk to the next section. "I doubt their ability to work together when it comes to me," you retorted.

Solomon chuckled this time, "That I can agree with you on." He was quiet for a moment as you continued shopping, and then finally asked, "You don't seem like yourself. Care to share?"

With a sigh, you replied, "I have a lot on my plate, more than I've ever had physically, mentally, and emotionally." After a moment, you blurted, "Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't have stayed human..."

"Why do you think that?"

"No one expected much out of me, even after everything I had been through. Maybe it's just me as a person though. Everyone just seems to think I'm indestructible and I won't eventually crumble from the pressure," you said, reading Barbatos' list. You finally looked up at Solomon, "I feel like a ticking time bomb, ready to explode at any minor inconvenience."

"May I be candid?" Solomon asked, smiling with his hand tucked under his chin in thought. You nodded, and he continued while you looked at the cans in front of you, "Do you ever think maybe you put that much pressure on yourself? You tend to take things a little... far, when it comes to your duties. You were asked to learn to be a royal, and you took it upon yourself to throw all you had into it versus taking it slow. No one ever asked you to work this hard," he explained. "They expect your best, nothing more than that."

You stared at the shelf ahead of you for a long time, processing what he said. Finally, you fully turned to Solomon and said, "You really are wise, aren't you?"

"I imagine being called the Witty Sorcerer was for a reason, at least, I would hope," he replied, still smiling. You gave him a brief hug and he left you alone, still lingering to watch you, but happy to have had a good word with you.

---

Thanks for reading! <3

Post made by sassykattery. Do not repost. Reblogs and comments appreciated.

Tags: @delphi-dreamin @itsmeninerz @leavesandflowers @obeymediasimp @frozengoldie @flemmingbamse @marvelous-maniac

[lizbethborden]

did you watch the new abbott ep? thoughts?

I did! I was kind of 50/50 on it. Sorry in advance for rambling LOL

I feel like the double episode format just... Really messed up the pacing. Way too much happened in way too little time, so there was nothing satisfying and the stakes didn't feel very high. I think there were also some big missed opportunities.

"New Ava" gets resolved in like the first 10 min with 0 impact on the overall story or the characters... like why. This should have been dragged out for the whole episode IMO, it would have been so fun. But they just wanted to get it out of the way to race to the Janine-leaving-Abbott story. Also Janelle looked fucking amazing and pretty much stole the episode, so they should have just let her run away with it instead of confining the humor and drama to the very beginning.

"Oh no Janine went to work for the district, oh no Teddie isn't going to happen maybe, omg Janine is working with a new cute guy" doesn't generate any emotional tension because it all gets talked through by the characters in a short time span and Janine and Gregory are friends again by the end of the episode thanks to the timeskip. The will they/won't they was timed really well throughout the first 2 seasons so where is that sense of timing now yk...

Barbara like... did not do much to be honest... She resolved the New Ava problem, but after that mostly stood around and was a sounding board and complained about the district/changed her tune after ONE conversation where Manny said what could reasonably be, pardon me, just bullshit, bc we don't know him well as a character yet, and somehow Barb was like yay :) I like the district now :). She felt really underutilized. She deserves a PLOTLINE this season. I feel like Sheryl gets a lot of praise and attention, but the show doesn't always give her opportunities to match what she really contributes.

The Gary/Melissa situation ground my gears a lot, like it's super great that Melissa stands her ground and rejects him with everyone's support, but tbh "Gary does a massive misogyny using the Philly Eagles and the whole school as a prop" seemed like a moment for Melissa to be angry, not just sad. Like why did she end up comforting HIM? I feel like every time the show brushes up against misogyny something dumb like this happens

Jacob is Jacob and does Jacob things which is fine.

I'm also wondering: where is the charter school storyline??? Have they not been able to get Leslie Odom Jr back? They set him up as a Big Bad and the threat of Abbott being forcibly turned charter as a serious concern and then that completely vanished. Does ABC have some charter school people on its board...? Lol. I would love to find out if maybe Manny and his weirdos could play into this and turn out to be charter school villains but rn this just feels like a major loose end.

It's hard bc I have such a sentimental attachment to the characters and seeing them all back again was so nice. But this felt like a super clumsy start to the season. I'm sure there was a lot of pressure on the writers as well, not just in terms of the double episode format, but because the show has gotten so many awards and so much press, they may have felt they HAD to throw absolutely everything out there to build up the premiere as huge and explosive.

I'm hoping the return to the half hr format will help smooth out a lot of the wrinkles and help bring back some of the structure, because IMO there were definitely hiccups and missteps in past seasons, but you could really feel an underlying story structure for many parts of the show (Teddie, Barb and Janine's relationship, Ava's growth, Melissa and her personal life). Fingers crossed ig

[thereisnoblogniche]

more TLOU rambles

I will never get to see this show again for the first time. I don't think I've ever felt that about a show.

Breaking Bad is probably my favorite show, but it's only enhanced upon rewatches. I mean some of the suspense and twists in that show are amazing the first time and it can't be re-lived either. but it's just better and better each time i've rewatched, even knowing those big moments are coming.

I don't think I'll have that with re-watches TLOU. I hope i'm wrong.

Two important reasons why I feel like that:

-watching the relationship Joel and Ellie develop. even if you know it's coming, is just incomparable the first time. I knew that was the crux of the story, but nothing could have spoiled it or prepared me for actually witnessing it and growing close to the characters and seeing it happen myself. It was just beautiful. You don't know how it's going to happen or how it'll manifest. Especially the "It's okay, baby girl" moment. That was probably the hardest-hitting single moment where their relationship becomes obvious and out in the open for what it actually is. Also, "it wasn't time that did it" and the look he gives her in the last episode. Just fucking end me. Maybe (and hopefully) that bond between them will be even more beautiful upon future rewatches (if I can ever gather the courage to go through all this trauma again)-- but nothing can compare to just experiencing and witnessing that for the first time.

-the ending. I actually went this long without having the ending spoiled for me. Except, if you had told me "oh it ends with Joel killing a bunch of people and saving Ellie", I would have been like "okay doesn't seem like much of a spoiler". What I didn't realize were the conditions and the dilemma it poses. Save humanity or save the one you live? The choice feels pretty obvious to nearly everyone. It's not much of a discussion. Knowing that the surgery would have killed her, it's a no-brainer. What's more interesting to me is that he lies to her about it. There is a fear there that she would have wanted to do it anyway and he's protecting her out of selfishness. This show was great about shifting and evolving my views of Joel throughout the show. I do not see him as a bad guy. I understand him fully and completely. I don't think I'm supposed to dislike him or even disagree with him. Just understand. What an interesting topic of love. The dark side of unconditional love--to paraphrase the podcast. I didn't know what that concept could mean until the last episode.

It just feels like I won't be able to experience the show the same again and I wonder if that initial shock and gut-punch is part of what makes it so powerful. But it has such amazing casting and great writing and I hope that holds up over time and it's not just the raw emotions and processing it for the first time that are carrying it for me right now.

Without seeing additional seasons, it's hard to categorize where this sits among my favorite shows, but just on one season, it's already in the conversation for top 3. If they pull off really good season 2 (and others??), we're going to be having serious top 2 potential. I am nervous about future seasons because I don't know if they're jumping right to the second game or if they're going to have some buffer. I hope at least some buffer. I would think there'd be some transitional scenes, if not a few episodes. I would greatly prefer a whole second season of Pedro and Bella before they jump to the events in the 2nd game. After all, a few years pass between the games. And I need some more time with Joel and Ellie as surrogate father and daughter. Excited to see where they take it-- I will have plenty of time to ponder and contemplate.

[creativesplat]

I often try not to be too critical on this blog, but I thought I ought to mention it. 

Star Wars the Clone Wars has some serious problems. 

Some things are just not handled delicately or correctly in any way shape or form. I’m not going to talk about the Clovis arcs here, since @englishlady has already done a very good job on that, and will instead elaborate on my opinions about the Zygerria arc. 

Trigger warnings for discussion of slavery, non-consensual stuff, and sexual harassment. 

Anakin’s portrayal was the thing that really frustrated me at first. This is a man who has suffered under slavery, abuse, and violence for the first nine years of his life, and the story writers are telling me that he is almost entirely comfortable bantering with his Padawan whilst surrounded by awful things from his past? After a few years you don’t just get over trauma, but his reactions seem to have. 

I have been through nothing even remotely as bad as this, but the bad stuff that has happened in my past isn’t something I can get over, and when it’s brought up I feel rather uncomfortable, uneasy, or downright rotten. 

The show writers really should have looked at this and said: ‘we are putting a character who has experienced childhood trauma into a position where he will be confronted by it and may experience it again, let’s try to handle it sensitively’ but what they actually went for was: ‘we’re doing episodes on slavery, there should be scantily clad ladies and the overall message that slavery is bad’ Yes. Slavery is bad. Everyone knows that. In dealing with such a sensitive topic, it should be handled better. Not just ‘slavery bad, but ooh look girls!’ (I will be getting on to the inappropriate costume design in a moment, btw), but also some delicacy and tact. These are real world problems that people today still suffer from, they should be handled more appropriately. 

There was one line that really stood out to me (although all of them were rather poor) and that was where Ahsoka is discussing her roll on the mission. 

Here’s the conversation from the Clone War’s TV show: 

Here’s the conversation from the comic. 

See the difference? 

It feels really really tone deaf for the only character that is making light of the situation the only one who has actually experienced it. It felt a little like saying: ‘oh this sort of thing isn’t that bad, hehe lol’. It felt dismissive and not only unpleasant in terms of the real world as well, but also just incredibly poor writing and story telling. 

You don’t even need to realise he has emotional trauma to realise his character would be uncomfortable in that situation, he doesn’t like sand and he’s on a desert planet. He doesn’t like putting Ahsoka in danger, and Ahsoka is in danger. I mean maybe I’m just a little judgmental or maybe I misread it… but… IDK, the portrayal of Anakin really cheesed me off. 

---

Here’s the bits that may be a bit triggering, just a warning:

Ahsoka’s outfit is in no way shape or form appropriate. She is dressed like a sex slave, and she is a child. 

Anakin would have probably chosen the outfits for this mission, because you know, he has the most knowledge on the subject. You can not tell me that the Ex-Slave Anakin Skywalker would gladly dress his underage female Padawan in saucy clothes. 

This was a creative decision which made no sense in the story or for the characters, and it has some rather unfortunate implications. Whilst Ahsoka is not in any way harmed sexually there is the implication that something could have happened, had the Queen or Anakin allowed it. That is a rather distressing concept. It is inappropriate, particularly for a young child. 

In the comics Ahsoka was dressed like Shmi Skywalker. 

It would have made no difference to the story had they kept her dressed as Shmi Skywalker. I don’t really understand why they decided to dress a 15 year old girl as what appears to be a sex slave. It is disgusting and inappropriate. 

Although, full disclaimer, I have never read the comics. I have only seen some of these pictures when researching to write this little opinion piece, so they may have handled the subject matter inappropriately too, I’m not sure.

---

Another monumental wrong doing on the part of the writers was to make the ‘romance’ between Anakin and Miraj Scintel feel (with the music and staging) like a pining love. 

She had his friends captured and seriously harmed, had him electrocuted until he fainted, and is the queen of an entire slave empire. 

It was not a romance, or even a pining one-sided love.

At best it was sexual harassment of a powerless prisoner/ slave. 

At worst it was sexual assault. 

He woke up on her bed (which a few people have pointed out is a little unnerving and suggestive), she was very touchy with him (and he is uncomfortable with it), and she threatened him with hurting Ahsoka and Obi Wan (indirectly but it was clearly still implied) and the people who wrote the show said that they wanted the audience to feel some form of pity at her death because of their ‘romance’.

There are some moments where the writers imply that Anakin might not be entirely as into their ‘relationship’ as she is, telling her that she had “all the power” in their dynamic, but he looks so nonchalant at this point that it might go over the head of an audience member. He is telling her that she is forcing a relationship on him, and that he is powerless to stop it, and it’s played off as a blasé interaction. 

I’m not entirely sure you can put those things in a show and try to play it off as romantic to get the ‘child-friendly’ rating. They could have quite easily at least attempted to deal with the serious subject matter that they introduced. There was a suicide and a significant amount of torture and abuse in these three episodes, so there was no excuse when the show glossed over such obvious and unpleasant misconduct.

I don’t know what it is with the writers writing abusive, predatory characters who’s deaths are supposed to inspire pity. Miraj Scintell was handled as poorly as Rush Clovis was, and I don’t really have a solution to that.

Maybe if you’re watching the Zygerria arc of the clone wars, don’t watch it with younger siblings or your children.

Although, this is completely an opinion piece, so if you totally disagree or think I’m a bit of a hater or just being judgemental, that’s fine. I may be being too harsh, IDK.

I’d like to think that this was an honest mistake from the writers rather than them being deliberately obtuse or inappropriate.

[shihalyfie]

The importance of a burnt egg

Appmon is a very over-the-top and silly series, which is one of its standout features in a story that features some really heavy topics (both emotionally and academically). The first presumable reason as to why the series is this way is tone; if it weren’t for all of this dorky silliness, the sheer weight of the story could easily get overwhelming to the point it becomes difficult to digest (especially considering this is a kids’ series). Having all the fun parts helps make the delivery more palatable and easier to understand, allowing it to cover some pretty deep topics it might not be able to otherwise.

However, it’s important to realize that this is most definitely not the only reason for these kinds of things -- the strange wackiness is also very important to the theme of the series itself. At first, it might seem a bit strange to insinuate that something like a burnt egg actually has theme importance, but you’d be surprised...

(Note that there are spoilers for the series in the rest of this post.)

Let’s fast-forward to the end of the series, episode 52, when Leviathan makes its case as to why humanity should accept its ideal world.

The question of whether it’s better to have emotions or not has been a staple theme of sci-fi (especially AI-themed sci-fi) as long as the genre has existed, but when you get to the end of Appmon and everything that’s led up to it, you have to admit that it makes a pretty compelling case. Leviathan isn’t saying this out of simply just being condescending about humanity being bad at taking care of itself; it really, truly thinks that emotions and hearts are doing everyone an inconvenience. It itself even understands the concept of “death”, and believes it’s doing everyone a favor by keeping everyone from it. Through all of the previous episodes, we’d seen all of the messiness and emotional pain that Leviathan is warning against. Haru just went through a whole cycle of learning he might have been gaslighted. Eri went through the bittersweetness of still not being able to attain the goal she’d worked so hard for. Astra’s still figuring out what to do with this life and what place his family has in his future. Rei had to go through the pain of losing and having to chase after his own family for the entire series. Yuujin, depending on Haru’s choices, may end up dying, with every purpose and hobby he’d built up coming to an end.

Yeah. Life kinda sucks sometimes. There’s a lot of problems going on in society, tons of heartbreak, and everyone’s interests clashing into each other create strife and suffering. Wouldn’t it be better to wipe all that away? Forget everything and let an objective system handle it all? No more need to make choices, especially when the ability to make choices sometimes leads to making bad ones; the system will efficiently organize everything, without any of that chaos or strife or pain. Sounds great, right?

Well, firstly, the problem with this is that Leviathan isn’t a perfect, unbiased system. Nor is anything else in this world. As many AI researchers will tell you right now, even the most advanced black-box AI algorithms are still made by humans, with human biases, and subject to imperfections, because anything part of an imperfect world will still be imperfect. We see a brief glimpse of recognizing the series resident No Guy in the faceless crowd; its job of supposedly wiping misery and pain from the population isn’t exactly working the way it thinks it is. Even Leviathan does briefly admit that it has more it wants to learn. In fact, Leviathan’s defeat largely centers around its realization it doesn’t understand everything about the world after all -- Haru and his friends managed to derail its ostensibly perfect plan that had been building up over the series at the last minute, and Haru himself made a shocking unexpected “third option” choice to the dilemma it’d provided it. “Humans have a surprising side to them,” after all.

As Appmon’s resident edgelord, Rei has an amusing style of writing in that he’s quite the serious person yet keeps getting put in increasingly absurd and comedic situations. There are a lot of reasons for it -- making it clear that he’s not quite as good at the whole edgy schtick as he pretends to be, and also the sheer juxtaposition being funny -- but this really comes to a head in episode 42, where Rei is constantly placed in increasingly ridiculous situations and contexts until the very end, and said very end takes all of the stupid hilarity and suddenly punches you in the face with it when it connects to how Hajime is eventually found. In the end, all of Hackmon’s abilities and all the cognitive thinking in the world paled in comparison to Rei doing something so phenomenally stupid that Hajime remembered his brother and laughed.

After all, if we’re talking about emotions, you can’t forget the one that’s repeatedly permeated all of media and sentiment as well: connection and love. And as it turns out, Hajime recognizes his brother when his brother is doing something stupid.

In the following episode, episode 43, pay close attention to the sequence of events when Rei tries to get Hajime to wake up. Rei tried everything, ranging from getting the Appmon to help, to taking him out everywhere, to cooking every kind of egg under the sun. But here’s what’s significant: we’re treated to a montage of Rei making those eggs, and every time we see them, Rei makes them correctly, because he’d gotten better at making eggs since Hajime had been taken away. And that’s exactly what the problem was, because the moment Rei messed up out of being lost in thought, burning the egg, that was the one and only time that had any significance to Hajime, enough to actually bring him back.

In other words: it was the human mistake, not anything perfected, that actually had meaning.

Burnt eggs shouldn’t exist in Leviathan’s world. That’s a byproduct of bad choices. It’s inefficient and clumsy, and wouldn’t be happening if a perfect system were running everything. But it’s those imperfections and mistakes and slip-ups and all of the inconsistent, flawed parts of humanity that create connections and differences and make the world go ‘round. And in a world increasingly trying to make things more efficient and closer to “perfect”, this is what we risk losing.

YJ-14 was a “failure”. It failed at its job, and whatever routine it was supposed to be using to please Haru ended up becoming something inefficient and messy that helped derail Leviathan’s plans. For it, Yuujin ended up having doubts and pain, and having to face death. But as he puts it: because of all that, he got to meet Haru, and he got to be Haru’s friend, and live the kind of life a human would live, with happiness and aspirations and relationships to others. And, as it seems, that wild, messy life was fulfilling enough to be worth him sacrificing his life for Haru.

Besides, Haru was right: Yuujin wouldn’t have been able to do this if he didn’t have a heart. Artificial intelligence advancing also means advancing enough to understand this, too. And as Haru had told Leviathan earlier, while Leviathan insisted that everyone having the ability to make their own choices was making everyone miserable, Haru counters that all of their choices and will had been what allowed them to initially defeat Leviathan, too. Despite all the hardships they’d faced, they’d chosen to overcome those hardships, and came out the better for it.

The world Haru lives in is messy, ridiculous, and with a lot of problems everywhere. Leviathan may be gone by the end of the series, but the technology its world lives on still remains, and there’s still uncertainty in the future about what might happen with those future developments. But this was the world Haru and his friends chose to protect -- one that’s not perfect or clean by any means, but one where all the weird, strange zaniness makes it worth going through all the converse pain and misery for, because those mistakes and rough parts have meaning of their own, too.

Even if that means burning some eggs a few times.

[dameronology]

can i request from your agnst song lyrics list 1) "i had all of you, most of you, some and now none of you" - the night we met, lord huron? maybe from nat’s perspective bc she lost reader please? 🥺

of course!! i hope u enjoy <3 this came out in a weird format but ?? we move

natasha romanoff + ""i had all of you, most of you, some and now none of you"

Natasha could count the five occasions on her right hand during which she knew she was going to lose you. As each one passed, she could tell that you were slipping away bit by bit; at first, it was just a little. A tiny bit of distance, but something you could bounce back from. Then it became a deeper and deeper divide, until she'd passed the point of no return and lost you completely. The worst part was that she knew it was happening. She was fully aware that you were slipping through her fingers and she had done nothing to stop. There was only one person to blame, and Nat knew who it was.

The first time she knew was when she'd missed an important dinner date - a cliche, really. It had happened to everyone at some point or another but this one? It had been a particularly important one. A big PR night for the Avengers, where she'd promised to be by your side and help put on a united front. You'd set a reminder on her phone, written it on the calendar in her office, and even sent her a final text on the big day. Then her meeting had overran, and she had a conference call, and four hours later, the realisation hit her like a truck. She'd forgotten. She'd taken on too much work and let you down.

"I am so sorry!" Nat burst in the room, fiery hair all over the place. She had quickly come in a rush, and her less than subtle entrance only brought more embarrassment to the warmth on your cheeks. "I was working, and I lost track of time-"

"- you had one job, Natasha," you hissed. Standing up from the dinner table, you awkwardly moved over to her and shoved a glass of champagne in her hands. "You said you had booked the day off weeks ago."

"There isn't a day off when you're an Avenger," she softly reminded you. But, the presence of Bucky, Steve, Tony, Peter and literally every other fucking super-hero in New York told you other-wise.

"Yeah, I know," you murmured. "C'mon, let's just sit down."

"I really am sorry, honey," Nat pushed.

"I know," you repeated. "Just...be on your best behaviour for the rest of the evening."

You'd written it off as a blip; so what if Natasha had made a mistake? Despite all her prior accomplishments, she was a human being. Work was important to her and you totally got that. It was important to you as well, and you had always supported each other.

More than anything, you were just grateful it had been a work related incident than anything. The first few months of your relationship had been plagued with Nat pushing you away and consistently shutting you out - it had taken a long time for her to open up to you, and even longer for her to trust you. You were glad whatever argument had come her mess-up hadn't been her doing the same all over again.

Or so you'd hoped - because the second time she felt you slipping away? It was a little more serious.

"Natasha," you sighed, "you need to tell me these things."

"It's nothing, I promise," she murmured.

"A gunshot wound isn't nothing!" you countered. "The worst part is that I found out about it from Bucky's Snapchat story."

She frowned. "Bucky has Snapchat?"

"Yeah, he meant to to send it to Steve, but accidentally posted it publicly instead," you gave a derivative snort. "But that aside, you can't keep things like that from me. I thought we didn't have secrets. Nat."

"We don't, sweetheart," Nat replied. "I just didn't want to scare you."

"You scared me more by not telling me," you shot back. "Just...please tell me next time? Don't keep me out the loop."

She forced a smile. "I won't."

But she did.

So much so, in fact, that you found yourself almost losing Natasha completely. She would no longer tell you about where she was going on missions, or when she would be back - it was all just a giant question mark. And not that dissimilar from how it had been at the beginning of your relationship. She'd been secretive, then; keeping you out the loop and not opening up when she clearly experienced something traumatic.

You'd always been there for her, but you didn't want to force it either. You were just hyperaware that you were the only person you spoke too, and if she stopped talking to you? That meant she was bottling it all up. That was never healthy.

"Steve said there were deaths," you called after Natasha, helplessly following her through your shared apartment. "Five men down, Nat, and you don't even want to talk about it a little?"

"I'm not good at talking," Nat muttered. She stalked through to the bedroom, throwing her go-bag into the back of the wardrobe. "Don't force me."

You stopped in your tracks. "You're right. I'm sorry. I just...I don't want you to bottle it up, y'know? That's not good for you. I guess I'm just letting you know that the offer is there."

"Thank you," Nat forced a smile. Again. "I appreciate it."

"I also don't want you to shut me out," you continued. "I've been through that with you before and I don't want to do it again. It almost killed both of us."

"Hey, I'm sorry," her face fell, and she softly reached out, pulling you into a hug. "I won't shut you out. I promise."

Natasha managed to break both of her promises; the one about keeping you in the loop, the one about not shutting you out.

It came naturally to her, you see. She was a solitary person; raised by design to be self-sufficient and to not let anyone in. At the Red Room, finding support in others had been a sign of weakness and try as she might, Natasha couldn't shake the habits that were engrained into her brain. She wanted to - for you, she really did - but it was hard.

It didn't take long for things to come to a head. You weren't an idiot; you knew when Natasha was icing you out. It had hurt too much the first time round and there was no guarantee that you'd have it in you to see it through a second time. You figured that space might be good - not a break up, but just some time apart.

"Natasha, we need to talk."

She hated the words as soon as they left your mouth - so did you. There was never a good conversation that started with we need to talk. It was always either a separation or an ultimatum, and you were too tired for the latter. Proposing a break seemed like the best thing for you both.

Nat frowned. "What's up?"

"I won't beat around the bush," you began. "I think we should take some time apart."

You could see Natasha's face fall instantly, but she couldn't deny it that it hadn't come as a shock. Something - a trial separation, a break-up, an argument - had been brewing for a while. She was just good at dancing around it.

"Really?"

"Yeah," you admitted. "We're both tired and it feels like we're slipping back towards how things used to be."

"You're right," she agreed. "I'm sorry. You know I love you, right?"

You smiled. "I know - I figured you could use the time to work out what you want. See if you wanna talk to someone professionally, or if you just want to...y'know."

"Know what?"

"If you want to break-up permanently," you finished the sentence with a wobble in your voice. "Ball's in your court, Nat."

The ball was in her court - and she basically let it deflate.

Because for Natasha, emotions were scary. You'd left the apartment with a promise between you that she would be the one to make the final call.

A month and I'll call you, is she what she had said.

A month and I'll call you, is she what she had promised.

It was a slow month. You didn't hear from Natasha at all; when you went to collect your mail from the apartment, she was out. She barely showed her face at the office these days and her presence on social media was gone. Her name no longer popped up on the viewers list for your Instagram or Snapchat story. There were no more good morning texts.

Then that slow month turned in a slow five weeks. Then six. Then seven. Then two months had passed, and you hadn't heard a single thing.

Not until a cold Monday evening, when you were holed up in your new apartment watching an old episode of Seinfeld. The presence of your friends, paired with old sitcoms, was the only thing getting you through the Natasha-induced drought. A knock on the door only made it worst.

"One second!" you called.

Throwing your blanket aside, you put down your soup and shuffled over to the front door. Out of habit (one that Nat had taught you), you peered through the peephole - your heart practically stopped when you saw a head of red hair and green eyes. It was unmistakably your Natasha.

"Nat," you greeted her with a cold tone as you opened the door. "Fancy you making an appearance."

"I am so sorry," she began. "I just needed time. I needed time to think-"

"- I gave you a month!" you cut her off. "And I would have given you more if...if you had just asked. If you had just spoken to me, or communicated with me."

"I know," she murmured.

"No, Nat," you firmly said. "I don't think you do. I don't think you know at all - about what you're doing or how you're making me feel."

"I..." she trailed off. "I love you."

"You don't fucking act like it," you snorted. "I could deal with at first - all the miscommunications and random disappearances, but I'm done now."

"I just want one more chance - please?"

"No," you snapped. "You've made your bed. Now lie in it."

And she would; she would lie in it alone.

[captnjacksparrow]

if you had to rank your fav naruto characters how would it go? love your blog btw!!

Hmmm... Complicated ask, anon.😂

[My personal life would be splashed here and there. Please bear with me]

Before 5 months, if you asked me about Naruto, my response would be ‘What the fuck is that?’. I absolutely had no idea such a treasure existed. For me, it started out like a blockbuster movie for the sheer variety of fights and the resulting emotions it brought within me. 

However, there was a point I stopped and thought, ‘Wait a fucking second. This resembles my family dynamics. This person is speaking the exact same lines I spoke to my parents few years ago. This person’s situation resembles mine. Did this creator a time traveler?’. Naruto is the only piece of media that gave me such feel. Am not even exaggerating, believe me. 

I really liked so many characters very much but am going to try my best to list just 10. 

The only characters I hate in this series are Danzo, Sakura and Hinata in no particular order. Meaning, I absolutely cannot see any positives in them. They are crassy, cringey and completely detestable.

FAVOURITE NARUTO CHARACTERS

10. Killer Bee

HaHaHa :-) Just seeing this character makes me smile and light-hearted.

It’s a pity that he is the only character who don’t belong to Konoha in my Top 10 rankings who was developed well apart from Gaara.

I loved him from Frame 1 onwards and I sincerely wished Team Taka should be packed up with their ass beaten up mercilessly. And that’s what happened.

Despite being a Jinchurikki, he never bothered to mind his surroundings and filled his heart with love from his over protective Brother alone was nice to watch.

He makes a great Tag Partner with Naruto next to Sasuke. No doubt.

The way Killer Bee treated Team Taka like some annoying flies and his cool and don’t care attitude was top notch. It’s not just with Sasuke, Bee treated Naruto with the same IDGAF attitude at first.

Best Moments:

Lariat punch to Sasuke (TBH, Sasuke deserved it. LOL)

Blasted off every member of Team Taka like a doll

His entire conversation and fight sequence with Kisame (Their banters and exchanges are way too hilarious)

His dynamics with his Elder Brother (God!!!! Whenever Raikage gives him an Iron Claw.... What a hilarious duo!!!!)

9. Hatake Kakashi

Kakashi was my most favourite character when I started the series for simply being ultra-cool with the way he conducted the Bell-Test and taught a valuable lesson for those bratty kids in Team 7 called ‘Team Work’. 

Best Moments:

Kakashi vs Obito Hand-to-Hand Combat (the best in the series)

Kakashi in the Gaara retrieval arc (His fight with Itachi & Deidara gave a good start to the shippuden series. His Mangekyou reveal was surprising).

Kakashi & Guy teaming up with Naruto to reveal Obito in a twisty and tragic way. (Kakashi couldn’t handle the truth at all and neither did I)

Kakashi vs Zabuza (That’s when I realized that the series was getting real serious)

8. Jiraiya

Jiraiya was my next favourite to Kakashi during my Part 1 days. His open perversion and his entire dynamics with Naruto was one of the best things during the Chunin Exams arc. Taught Naruto about Chakra Control and about the way of a shinobi by just enduring. Naruto follows this even today.

Best Moments: 

Kuchiyose No Jutsu training (Man, I never expected him to push Naruto off the cliff)

Rasengan Training (One of the best arcs in part 1 and it was soo satisfying to see Naruto punching his first Rasengan on Kabuto, He also acted like a quasi parent to Naruto... heartwarming)

Jiraiya Vs Six paths of Pain ( 6 vs 1 was always doomed but still he had the guts of a shinobi and plunged ahead)

7. Uchiha Madara

Geez. What is there to not like him?? 

Everything he did was absolutely wrong ever since he broke up with Hashirama in a romantic way much similar to how couples break up in my country.

I am an Uchiha. You are a Senju. I wish it had been different.

This roughly translates to how 75% of lovers break up and marry someone else from their own clan in my state. (Duh!!!)

I am from XXX clan, you are from XXX clan. So we can’t love each other and my parents won’t accept this relationship. So let’s break up.

Alright, my first shipping couple in this series is HashiMada for this exact reason. (I started shipping SNS only after episode 478). 

Just like Hashirama, Madara had an extensive build up right from episode 1 where Kurama compares Sasuke with Madara. And flashbacks from Itachi and Tobi spiked my curiosity and I wanted to see his face so badly ever since.

But the moment he landed gracefully like a diva in episode 321.... Woaahhhh!!!! He literally danced in the battlefield and ate up 100′s of guys with just a fucking Sharingan. 

Best Moments:

Going Shirtless before 1000′s of people with Hashirama’s face, no less (Well, I literally went heart-eyed for 5 minutes. Sorry Sasuke, your ancester was way much sexier than you in the Orochimaru hideout and beats you by a million points).

Screaming Hashirama’s name like a cockatoo for 300 times even till the very end (Sorry Naruto, your obsession towards Sasuke for about 6 arcs is pale in comparison to Madara’s obsession which was established in just 6 or 7 episodes.)

I have 25 clones now. Do you want me to put Susanoo or not? You can’t answer. The answer is yes. (Man, his I don’t give a fuck attitude is just an alien level thing)

Openly admitting Only Hashirama Can Beat Me (Say what you will about Sasuke, Madara has no qualms about accepting his inferiority in terms of power. An absolute Straight Forward diva-queen)

Awakening Sharingan for breaking up with his ‘friend’ rather than for his 3 dead brothers. (Geez, Poor Soul. He is the forefather of a Romantic Uchiha. That romantic blood still flows in Sasuke)

6. Senju Hashirama

Man, I would have placed him somewhere in top 5 if only he was introduced early or had more scenes. I started watching Naruto only because of this very name. There is a local podcaster in my state who goes under the alias of Senju Hashirama and in his podcasts, he hinted about this character and how he was inspired by his ideals. I just googled and saw that this character belonged to Naruto series and I considered watching it. Here I am, making analysis on that very series.

There was this excellent build up for him right when we got introduced to Captain Yamato. He was constantly referred in flashbacks from Itachi and Tobi especially.

But the moment he was reanimated again..... Geez..... It was an hilarious ride all throughout. Out of all the flashbacks we got from this series, Founders Era flashback was my absolute favourite.

From where I come from, we are still under the stupid influence of Clan infrastructure and are not growing up in many aspects like people in western countries do. For me, I hope, one day, someone like Senju Hashirama appears in our state and change our lives for better by uniting all clans as one and treats everyone equally without the shitty favouritism for their own children, friends, parents, siblings.

That’s why this dialogue struck a thunder in my heart

“Be they a friend.... Be they a sibling.... Be it even my own child. I will not forgive anyone who threatens the village.”

Because the clan leaders in our place are absolutely selfish, trash bastards who serves their own needs with no regards for other people from other clans. For a person like me, Hashirama is not just a fictional hero, he is someone who many aspires to become. No wonder that podcaster chose this name as his alias.

He rightfully deserved the title ‘God of Shinobi’. And no one can surpass him, not even Naruto.

Best Moments:

Wood Style vs Eternal Mangekyou sharingan + Kurama powered Madara (He just beats Madara’s ass by a wide margin. This shows he was a whole fucking different level than Naruto + Sasuke combined. In terms of strength, nobody surpassed him YET. Sorry Naruto and Sasuke, you guys are no match even now with your Rinnegan and Kurama lost forever).

His entire banters with Madara (ROFLLLL. Without him, it would have been just another lifeless arc.)

5. Senju Tobirama

Hmmm, let me tell you something about him.

First off, he is not a racist or fascist as many hardcore Sasuke fanatics claims. He is one of the best hokages according to me. He is abso-fucking-lutely practical, rational, logical and holds no grudge. And Sasuke resembles Tobirama with all these characteristics as compared to soft and naive Naruto. If only he had more screen time, he would be easily in my top 3. 

Just because he didn’t lick the boots of Uchiha (many people’s favorite clan or may I say the only clan that was given any shit about in this series), it doesn’t make him a racist or fascist.

No, he never persecuted the Uchihas. Danzo, the crass bastard, driven off the Uchihas only after the Kyuubi incident. It was explicitly mentioned in the databook and was clearly explained in the series. 

He literally gave the highest position in the village for the entire clan. That is, a military power inside a military village. ‘Shinobi who can cause crimes can only be stopped by shinobi who are even better’. In my state, if a powerful clan decided to persecute another clan, they simply start by cutting off basic amenities like Water and Electricity. Compared to what I’ve seen, Tobirama did nothing but given the Uchihas, the highest position in their village. 

Orochimaru only said giving such a power made them conceited (arrogant). Tobirama had a trusted subordinate called Kagami, an Uchiha in his team. He suggested Kabuto to help Sasuke and even teleported him on his request. He even spited Madara for killing Sasuke, an Uchiha. He openly claimed Uchiha clan exceeds Senju in terms of Love. He openly appreciated Itachi and Kagami as someone who sees beyond their clan. In what world, would a racist or fascist do all this for a clan he hates??? 

Yes, he was cautious of Sasuke at first because he saw him with Orochimaru and even went full-on battle mode because of Sasuke’s carefree threat to destroy the village. But once he decided to go to the battlefield to fight Madara, he simply forgot everything that happened before and started to work with him as a comrade, and even helped him twice. In which world, a racist or fascist behave this way?

Believe me, a person like me who was grown with these clan politics surely can say who is a fascist. He was not. He was just cautious of them because of their ability to attain superpowers with just emotions alone. Let me ask you all this, ‘Would you be okay with people getting crazy powers whenever they are depressed?’. Being cautious is not racism. It really disrespects people who faced real oppression under fascism.

What Madara and Danzo did was a classical example of fascism. 

And No, Izuna didn’t die only because of Tobirama. He died because Madara was too arrogant to instigate war with Senju clan. And this was way before forming Konoha. If Tobirama killed Izuna after the alliance between Uchiha and Senju, I would agree that he was a racist. Izuna lost his life just like any other Uchiha and Senju soldiers in that battlefield. 

Just because he shitted your beloved ‘Sasuke-Kun’ doesn’t mean he is a racist too. Tobirama saw Sasuke along with that scoundrel Orochimaru who once used this very two hokages to destroy the very village they strived hard to create and protect. What will you do, if you were in his place?? Please don’t lie and say ‘I wouldn’t be judgemental’. 

And Imagine you are Tobirama, Sasuke is threatening to commit genocide against the entire village who had no idea about this coup detat instead of going against those old hags. Will you sit quiet as a Hokage?? 

He was the first person to suggest his brother, Itama, that Revenge against Uchihas are futile. All we need is an agreement to make truce. That gave the idea for Hashirama to pursue his dream. And Tobirama was happy to follow that dream and very supportive. 

It’s because of all these reasons I placed him above Senju Hashirama.

Best Moments:

Amazing power display against Sasuke & Co with just an index finger (It was a pleasure to see everyone’s face trembling with mild sweat including Sasuke).

Acted as a decoy to save his young subordinates. (The way he sacrificed his life saying young wills of fire must be protected is just Woow!! I wish his subordinates listened to his words and passed the mantle to the younger ones rather than playing game at such an old age and screwed up many lives. Pfft!!!)

Any time he says ‘Shut Up’ to Hashirama (ROFL)

His absolute ‘I don’t give a fuck’ attitude to Naruto, Sasuke, Hashirama, Minato and Madara (He trolled them all mercilessly and I love it)

4. Senju Tsunade

It hurts me to say that Tsunade is the only female character in my list because every other female characters were written in a much more piss poorly way. Only Konan came close to Tsunade but her role was very short. 

Despite her character’s purpose revolved around another male character (Dan) and a blatant objectification of her breasts, I liked everything about her other than those mentioned above. 

She is the Second Best Hokage who took Konoha right after the destruction made by Orochimaru, excellently handled the aftermath by making friendly relations with Suna (Sand village), provided her best medical support to Konoha in the Pain Arc and successfully handled the fourth Shinobi world war. 

She is such a badass who developed her own original jutsu called Byakugou no Jutsu, which can heal herself. 

She is just way too amazing and it’s a pity that we got very less scenes in Shippuden.

Best Moments:

Took 25+ stabs from Madara’s Susanoo like a piece of cake (Man, I simply couldn’t describe that scene. All the other Kages were shocked and even Madara too)

Lifted her advisors like a cabbage sack (Those fucking old hags deserved it. Those shits should’ve died)

Her index finger flick assault on Naruto (Aww, Naruto was definitely bratty in his first meeting and Tsunade didn’t hold back at all)

Played Orochimaru like a basketball (In that same arc, she fought Orochimaru mercilessly like a devil left and right. Someone who claimed to have surpassed Tsunade never even dared to fight Orochimaru’s student and crying for his attention after just receiving one stab from Madara. Just saying)

3. Uzumaki Naruto

Naruto is the titular character and your emotions evolve along with him. He surely deserves a spot in Top 3. The only reason I didn’t place Naruto even more higher is because he didn’t experience something very important which many characters in this list faced. That is, Losing a loved one before his eyes. Every villain in this series became what they are because they lost someone important before their eyes like Nagato, Obito. (Nope, I don’t count Neji as his loved one). I think this tests the mettle of any character and Naruto failed to experience this. The only person he ever lost was Jiraiya and that too from off-screen. That’s why I felt his journey to his dreams seemed little easier compared to the rest of the characters.

His best block of episodes will always be the part 1 Episode 1, 2, 3. Episode 1 is the character defining episode for Naruto and what he learned there will be applied everywhere till the very end of the series. He learned 3 things

Forgiveness, Empathy and Acceptance

Talk-No-Jutsu

Kage Bunshin no Jutsu

From then on, this boy wins many friends to his side, not only from Konoha but from other villages too and even made them to acknowledge his strength only through his sheer hard work. 

However, there is this person, whose acknowledgement he wants the most.  That person is his most important bond along with Iruka Sensei. He is none other than Sasuke. One day, Sasuke left him alone for some unavoidable reason at the end of part 1 which left a huge scar in him and he vows to bring him back to the place where he belongs. That becomes his ultimate goal rather than becoming an Hokage.

The way he goes to any extent to protect the people he cares about is just simply entertaining to watch.

Every time he makes an heroic entry to save the day was never boring, not once. 

Best Moments:

Sobbing from his heart after hearing Iruka Sensei acknowledging him (It just makes me feel heavy for no reason. The anime team did an awesome job to capture his emotions convincingly)

Awakening Kyuubi Mode for the first time after seeing Sasuke die in his arms (Man, out of all the collective hatred he got from the villagers, this moment affected him a lot speaks volumes)

Punching Neji from the underground to win the Chunin exams (God, I honestly believed Naruto lost but he just surprised us heavily from nowhere. And that failure speech was just pure bliss to watch even today)

Pain Vs Naruto (One of the best arc for Naruto. Because unlike other arcs, where Naruto fought with a team, this arc he was all alone fighting a person with Rinnegan. Be it the exuberant landing from the frogs with a dramatic kabuki music, creating multi-step attacks, coming up with novel solution in that difficult situation, finally ending the conflict without killing the enemy, becoming an hero. Superb journey. The only thing I didn’t like in that arc is some shitty selfish proposal. PUKE!!)

Bearing the burdens of his most important person and die along with him (This boy always shouts he will never die until he becomes an Hokage. But for Sasuke, he was ready to die along with him in order to not leave him alone proves how much he loves him. This shows his emotional maturity rather than shouting at Sasuke like he always did before which never reached his ears. This time it did)

Final Good Bye to Minato (Honestly, I was bawling just like Naruto in that scene no matter how many times I watch it. It started out slow but as he speaks more and more, he simply couldn’t hold back and wept a sea of tears 😭😭😭)

2. Uchiha Sasuke

One of the well written characters in this series, with all the flaws and positive stuffs which makes him more of an Anti-Hero. He always subverts my preformed opinions and never ceased to surprise me.

Despite being aloof and cold, his warmer side will always be exposed towards Naruto. This is evident by many things he had done for Naruto which he don’t have to or no reason to. Starting right from roasting Sakura, offering lunch, asking for tips, enquiring about breakfast, protecting him many times and dying for Naruto. 

Why I placed him above Naruto is because of his unavoidable decision to tread in a complicated dark path primarily due to the trauma he carried and was stirred up again by collective factors such as Orochimaru’s cursed seal, Itachi’s arrival and Naruto’s growth. Compared to Sasuke, Naruto had an easier path because he never saw anyone die before his eyes and hence he don’t carry any trauma which can divert his path.

Even after watching his entire clan and family members murdered before his eyes at an age 8, he managed to pull himself and never snapped out like many other good characters does. But the moment when he found out that Itachi was good all along, he simply couldn’t tolerate the truth and gave himself to Vengeance. Because, he loved his brother more than he hated him all these years. This shows he loved his brother more than his parents. His resolve to destroy Konoha was perfectly understandable. But is it good? Nope. He can kill Danzo and those old hags but killing other people was never justifiable.

But still, his resolve to have his vengeance was diverted by Naruto and weakened by Itachi, at some point. So, he decided to know the truth and when he heard it, he understood the Hokages also sacrificed many precious things to protect this village just like his Brother Itachi. He understood the mistakes of his clan and decided to protect the village which he swore to destroy. [Many Sasuke fanatics think that he succumbed to the Government and Kishi wrote Sasuke to bootlick them. Their idea was to tackle genocide with another genocide. What a stupid idea!!!!]

And No, I don’t consider him trying to kill Sakura, Karin and Kakashi as his bad moments (though I feel bad for Karin). For the simple reason being, he became a monster by losing himself in the darkness who lost the rationality to differentiate friends from foes. Much similar to how Naruto lost himself to Kyuubi’s hatred against Orochimaru and in Pain Arc. It’s so hypocritical to ignore Naruto and accuse Sasuke here. Plus, Sakura had no business to be there otherwise Sasuke would not have tried to kill her. 

But does it mean Sasuke did nothing wrong???

Nope.

He definitely shouldn’t have joined Akatsuki and hunted Killer Bee like an animal. Because, he knew that Tobi was the one who helped Itachi massacre the clan. When fighting Itachi he specifically vowed to kill Madara (Tobi). On top of that, Itachi passed on Amaterasu in his eyes specifically to stay away from Tobi. Why did he ally with him? Plus, Sasuke was one of the few characters who was exposed to the name ‘Akatsuki’ in part 1 itself. He clearly knew that this organization targets Naruto, his closest bond. Why did he join there? This is where the stupid part of Sasuke came out. I was grunting... ‘Oii Where did that clever Sasuke, who faced 1000 soldiers without killing any of them, went??’. 

And his plan for Revolution???? I thought it would be reasonable. But his vision was eerily similar to Danzo’s vision. Grrr..... Danzo also wanted to create his ideal village by destroying the current Hokage. He wanted to unite the Five Village and put himself on top of everyone as evident from the Kage Summit arc. 

I appreciate him that he finally adopted the Will of Fire, by wanting to protect the village at all costs just like Itachi and Hashirama did. But his methods are not very democratic. Plus, he wanted to do it alone. I was screaming at him... ‘Grrr, Sasuke, did you listen to Itachi at all???. He failed because he did everything alone. Why can’t you understand????’ This is also another instance, Sasuke’s stupidity glanced out.

I am happy Naruto knocked some sense into him by telling him not to do it alone but together.

Many fanatics also ask, ‘What did Sasuke do wrong to atone for his sins at the end?’.

I was like ‘Reallly????’

He joined Akatsuki, an organization which terrorized all the 5 villages and he hunted someone like an international criminal.

He spoiled the Kage Summit and attacked Raikage who lost his arm because of him. I know what happened over there is not Sasuke’s fault. But these are the kages who was loved by many people in their own villages. How can the world forget it and simply let him go?

It’s exactly because of all those lovely stuffs he did in Part 1 and all these mistakes he did in Part 2 but willing to correct his mistakes by sharing the burdens of his other half in the end made him more interesting, complicated and exciting and that’s why I love this character.

I also have a personal bias to love this character sooo much because of the character on top of my list.

Best Moments:

Defending Naruto before Sakura (Awww!!! Such a good boy he was. Eventhough I thought he was a typical arrogant K-Drama hero, he just subverted my opinion in that one scene. I always have a thing for people who stands up for someone even though they don’t have to. This is where I started to like Sasuke)

My body moved on its own. (Is there anything that trumps this scene in terms of emotions and love in this series?. This moment is where I understood the depth of Sasuke’s emotions towards Naruto).

What is a Clan? What is a Village? What is a Shinobi? (I was really hoping for Sasuke to question himself something similar to this. Because he was so self-absorbed in his hatred and failed to look outside him ever since he left the village. It was so gratifying that he did that)

Killing Orochimaru (I always thought Sasuke will kill him only after he tries to take over the body. Never imagined that he will strike the snake first)

Killing Danzo (Man, what an amazing battle!!!. It was so gratifying to see such a crass bastard die many times over and over).

His dramatic confession through his monologue (After the mystery of Who is this Tobi, Sasuke’s obsession towards Naruto remained a mystery for me. Why did he listen to Naruto under the bridge? Why did he protected Naruto in the War? I got the answer only after this confession. It was so heartwarming to see this mellow side of Sasuke)

1. Uchiha Itachi

I could write pages about him. The foremost reason I like Itachi and earns the top spot in my rankings is because he shockingly resembled me in many ways. As I already said, I come from a place where clan politics plays a major role and when I see Sasuke’s flashback in part 1, I was simply dumbstruck by such a detailed similarities.

Elder child of the family - ✅

Have an adorable younger sister who loves me more than my parents - ✅

Same age gap (5 years) with my sister as Itachi and Sasuke - ✅

Parents paying total attention on me while ignoring my sister completely - ✅

Parents constantly comparing my achievements with my sister - ✅

A sister who bear hugged me every time I entered the home after returning from my school - ✅

Despite my mom being a teacher, my sister always prefers me to teach her stuffs as she considers me to be way too better than my mom -  ✅

Love my sister more than my parents - ✅

Clan-Obsessed parents - ✅

Used me as a tool for the benefit of the clan - ✅

Sending another person from my clan to spy on me - ✅

Strained relationship with my parents - ✅

Disgusted with my clan - ✅

Most importantly, this dialogue from part 1 episode 129,

Clan? Clan?

Obsessed with the organization, Obsessed with the clan, Obsessed with the name, that’s merely the detestable action that restrict yourself.

I have given up all hope in this worthless clan

Because, people obsess themselves to their clan, a thing so petty, they lose sight of the things that are truly important.

A real change cannot occur under restraints and controls

I confronted my parents with the exact same dialogue (almost 98% similar) in my own native language some years ago. 

I didn’t even know the existence of Naruto series at that time. I was simply shell-shocked by all these similarities with this character. 

And Yes, The moment I heard these dialogues, I knew Itachi, was a good guy, who had a very strong reason for his actions and I instantly knew Sasuke’s revenge will not bear him any happiness. 

It is exactly because of all these striking similarities of myself with Itachi, and my lil’l sister with Sasuke, my family dynamics with the Uchiha family.... I could understand the magnitude of Sasuke’s love towards Itachi. 

And precisely because of that, I could understand Sasuke’s love towards Naruto is not fucking ‘brotherly’ one but something that leans towards Attraction. 

No wonder, Itachi left Sasuke in Naruto’s care. 

Anyways to speak objectively, 

Itachi is an extremely self-sacrificial person whose life is full of pain and miseries but never blames it on the world unlike other Uchiha members like Madara, Obito and Sasuke to an extent.

He did things considering the bigger picture which never benefitted himself in anyway and was willing to go to any extent even at the expense of his own family and his brother’s happiness. That is, Uchiha Clan Massacre and Joining Akatsuki. None of this benefitted him in anyways but he did it anyway, for the village of Konoha. 

His ideals are shockingly similar to Hashirama, Which Sasuke pointed this out and Hashirama acknowledged that Itachi was a better shinobi than he was. ❤️❤️❤️

Now, does this means I support Uchiha clan massacre?

No way. Even Itachi didn’t.

This massacre happened because of the huge clusterfuck from Hiruzen’s incompetence, Danzo’s paranoid arrogance, Uchiha clan’s devious plan to over throw the government by force rather than approaching it in a peaceful way, say, a peace talk or a protest. 

All these people acted on their own self-interest. Itachi and Shisui caught in their whirlpool, bear their burdens and paid for it with their life. Sasuke suffered for it.

But, it’s not the only reason I love this character. It’s because, the moment he decided to massacre everyone, he marked his own death by the hands of his beloved brother. I love people who owns up their mistakes and face the consequences rather than making excuses (even though it’s not entirely his mistake).

Itachi is also the only character in this series who realized his failures on his own without anyone’s interference or Naruto’s Talk-No-Jutsu. 

And he apologized for everything he did to Sasuke.

Again, some hardcore Sasuke fanatics criticize/hate him for torturing their poor ‘Sasuke-Kun’ with his Tsukuyomi. I was like ‘Hmmm...What?’. 

First off, Itachi apologized to Sasuke for not thinking out from his point of view and also for not telling him the truth earlier.

Second off, Sasuke never even blamed Itachi for anything (even he didn’t hold him for killing their parents). If Sasuke himself, forgiven Itachi... Why are his fans being so rabid?

Third off, for all of his supposed ‘crimes’, he paid for it by dying as a disgraceful Madman rather than a Hero who really saved the village. He is someone who should be celebrated like Naruto but instead died proudly as a Traitor of Konoha.

All in all, One of the wonderfully written character I have ever seen in the media. 

Best Moments:

Itachi vs Sasuke (That battle was a pure brilliance and highly emotional especially after knowing the truth. When Sasuke released his Kirin, Itachi showed off his ultimate armour Susanoo like a badass. Seeing Susanoo for the first time gave me chills. No, Sasuke didn’t kill him. Itachi died on his own)

Itachi vs Orochimaru (Man, Itachi may look mellow but when it comes to Orochimaru he is a pure Sass. He screwed that snake up both the times by a wide margin. It seems Uchiha brothers like to fuck up Orochimaru, LOL)

Talk-No-Jutsu’ing Naruto (Geez, Naruto was being completely bratty and was full of saviour complex like he was going to bear everyone’s hatred by himself. I was almost annoyed. Thanks to Itachi, he realised. Probably he is the only character to shut Naruto using his own jutsu)

Izanami’ing Kabuto (Other than Naruto, he is the only character to go out of his way to empathize with a villain and put extreme effort to change him. I think this is why Sasuke loves Naruto, for seeing these similarities??? ).

Goodbye to Sasuke (The first time when he said ‘Forgive me, Sasuke. This is the last’ by poking his forehead and finally closing the distance by butting with Sasuke’s head softly saying ‘I will love you always’.... It always evokes uncontrollable tears in me, no matter how many times I watch it 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭)

HONOURABLE MENTION

Uchiha Obito

God, Am such a sucker for Uchiha guys individually, though collectively as a clan they fucked up big time. I simply couldn’t find the place for him in the top 10. He is a classic example of What Naruto will be like if he becomes a villain?

However, all those horrible stuffs he did just for a girl whom he had a crush on which was never reciprocated seems childish. That’s why I couldn’t put him in Top 10.

And his understandable but weird obsession on Naruto was always enjoyable to watch. 

One cute thing I liked about him was, whatever criminal stuffs he may have done, he was never a cheapskate though. He had every chance to take back Kakashi’s Sharingan to activate his own Susanoo. But he never even thought of such an idea. He was a bad guy. But a good friend, no matter what. 

Pure Baby!!! But lost his way!!!

Best Moments:

Importance of Team Work (’In the ninja world, Those who break the rules are  scum. But those who abandon their comrades are worse than scum’. This very legacy he left to Kakashi came to defeat him later. And Naruto follows this motto even today)

Sacrificing his Sharingan (’I am giving you my Sharingan. No matter what the villagers say, you are a great Jonin. Please take it’. Awww!!! Obito. He left his Sharingan which helped Kakashi to complete a jutsu called ‘Chidori’, which is a go-to jutsu of Sasuke)

Thanks for the ask, anon. I thoroughly enjoyed writing this. ❤️

[thevalleyisjolly]

Ok, I’ve rewritten this post several times because I really want this to be a productive and respectful discussion, but this is a conversation that does need to be started.  I’ve been thinking about the whole cultural appropriation story line in this season of The Unsleeping City so far, and of course I think it’s great that Cody is starting to realize why that’s wrong and that Murph is making it explicitly clear that it is wrong, but I want to reorient the conversation away from Cody now and talk about Ricky as a Japanese-American character.

Because when Zac went “Just to paint a picture for you...” during the museum fight episode, there was quite a bit of surprise from non-Asian people in the fandom that this was really a serious issue, and one that Ricky would be bothered by or speak up about.  But why wouldn’t he?  I mean, the character is Japanese-American, and so is the player.  Doesn’t it make perfect sense that he would at least be a little bothered by a white person appropriating Japanese culture?  Asian fans certainly noticed and pointed it out before that episode aired.  Ricky/Zac certainly noticed - go back through the episodes and observe how every time Cody pulled out a kunai or threw a shuriken, Ricky was cringing or facepalming with an uncomfortable laugh.  Even with seven different camera perspectives to watch at the same time, it should have been pretty clear in the fandom that this was an ongoing issue that would bother and was bothering Ricky.

And I think there are several different facets to this, but the one I want to address is how there’s a tendency in fandom to ignore or erase Ricky’s Japanese heritage.  Not literally (although there is a particular sting every time I see another Ricky fancast where the actor is of another Asian heritage than Japanese - Asian people are not interchangeable).  But especially prior to Season 2, there was a general trend in the fandom that liked to simplify Ricky’s character and overlook him as a complex player character because of traits that are very common in East Asian immigrant cultures.

Perhaps it’s because my heritage is East Asian and I’ve had more exposure to general cultural customs and behaviours among East Asian immigrants, but Zac’s portrayal of Ricky has always read as a very obvious Asian-American child of immigrants to me (and, y’know, Zac and Ricky are actually Asian-American children of immigrants).  Not expressing negative emotions out loud, not verbally articulating thoughts and feelings but expressing them through actions, deferring to other peoples’ needs first instead of expressing his own wants because it’s not about him.  With the caveat that I’m Chinese and not Japanese, these are common practices that I’ve observed in my own family, among friends and acquaintances (of various Asian heritages including but not limited to Chinese), in broader experiences with other East Asian immigrants.

(Asia is not a monolith and I’m not familiar with the immigrant cultures and experiences of people from other Asian heritages.  I specify East Asian here because that is broadly what I can speak on and because Ricky is Japanese, but other Asian people please feel free to discuss your experiences as well)

And obviously, these are not monolith traits observed at all times, I’ve definitely met plenty of East Asian immigrants who did express their emotions loudly, who used their words, who were assertive about their own needs and wants (this is not the post to be getting into different generations of immigration and the culture differences between those generations).  And it also depends on the context - from my own experience, in private within families, both emotions and words can get extremely loud (if you dare to risk the wrath of your elders by arguing with them!)  But my point is that the habits I pointed out above are still relatively common in East Asian immigrant cultures, even if not all individuals follow them at all times.

Particularly prior to Season 2, there was a common perspective in the fandom, usually couched in “uwu, I love that Zac is playing a hot dummy!!” that would go along the lines of “Ricky doesn’t have a character arc, he doesn’t get into conflicts with other people, he doesn’t say anything and is just happy to be there, he’s a shallow character who’s just a himbo.”  All of which I’d dispute, (*insert post here about Ricky as a character reclaiming Asian masculinity*), but I want to focus on how the main traits -refraining from overt emotions, remaining reserved in speech, not bringing up his own needs and wants- that were brought up and used to simplify and dismiss Ricky’s character were traits which are commonly found in East Asian immigrant communities.  The whole “remaining reserved/trying to avoid conflict” is something a lot of East Asian-American kids pick up at home because what you say or don’t say isn’t as important as what you do or don’t do.

And I mean, so much of Ricky is about doing things for people, showing his feelings through his actions, not his words.  Just because he wasn’t getting into PC conflict in Season 1, or expressing his emotions in the same ways as other PCs, doesn’t mean he was just a silent, cheerful himbo.  Which there’s nothing wrong with being a himbo, and it can be particularly empowering in Ricky’s case as an Asian man (see above linked post about Asian masculinity), but that’s not all there is to Ricky’s character!  And don’t get me wrong, I personally love that part of his ongoing character arc in Season 2 is speaking up about his feelings and expressing to other people what he wants (because there’s the “American” part of the Asian-American experience that’s not just about having Asian heritage but is also about negotiating that relationship in a place with different norms and customs).  But it doesn’t negate the “Asian” part of “Asian-American” either, which does impact and shape the way Ricky interacts with people and the world.

In hindsight, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that interest and meta in Ricky skyrocketed once he did start being more vocal and assertive in Season 2, which are common traits in many Western cultures.  And it’s not the only reason that there’s a deeper interest in Ricky now (shout out to all the Asian fans and allies who’ve been really diving into Ricky’s character this season!) and I choose to believe in good faith that it isn’t intentional or malicious (audiences do tend to gravitate more towards tangible moments of conversation and conflict rather than background acting).  But I think we as fans need to start questioning why as a whole, we really didn’t start giving deeper thought to Ricky until he began displaying more typically Western traits, because I think it’s emblematic of how, very subtly and unconsciously, we are used to privileging white “American” behaviour and ignoring or glossing over Asian (immigrant) traits.

In many ways, Ricky prior to Season 2 (and very arguably up until the museum fight), has been perceived in the general fandom as a sort of post-racial American-melting-pot character.  Fans don’t wholly ignore that he’s Japanese-American, you can’t really do that when his family name is “Matsui” and when the Season 1 finale showed that his interactions with the American Dream pretty strongly involved his parents’ immigrant experience.  But knowing intellectually that Ricky is Asian doesn’t always translate to actually perceiving him as an Asian person with all the implications and racial dynamics that entails.

An example of how this manifests: Ricky and Esther become a canon couple.  Numerous posts begin to appear (and periodically still do) that express opinions along the lines of Ricky/Esther being the only tolerable “het” couple.  Ignoring the fact that we don’t know Esther’s sexuality and we only have an offhand Ztream comment for Ricky, Ricky/Esther is a canonical interracial relationship between two non-white people, a Japanese man and a black woman.  Interracial relationships are already extremely poorly represented in media, to say nothing of interracial relationships between non-white people.   Yet we overlook the racial dynamics and only focus on the perceived queerness (or not) of the ship.

Or, for another example, taking the discussion on cultural appropriation and making it all about Cody’s flaws and character development, rather than considering how it affects Ricky as a Japanese man to see a white man disrespecting a part of his cultural heritage.

Anyways, I really urge D20 fans, especially if you’re not Asian, to start questioning and challenging how you really perceive characters, what kind of characteristics you tend to privilege and be drawn to and why, and what kind of fandom environment you shape in your interactions with the show and with other fans.  This is not to say that Ricky should be everyone’s favourite character or that you can’t dislike him, but it is important to think about why we have the preferences that we do.  I especially urge you to remember that Ricky Matsui is a Japanese-American character, that this was a deliberate choice which has been repeatedly brought up by Zac (who is a Japanese-American actor), and that you cannot and should not ignore Ricky’s heritage when you think and talk about him. 

(And if you think Ricky is being an “asshole” to Cody just for being, frankly, mildly perturbed in his direction because Cody spent most of the season so far being very offensive to Ricky’s cultural heritage, I really encourage you to think critically about your opinions and why you hold them.  And if, after thinking critically, you still don’t see why they’re wrong, please don’t let the door hit you on the way out.  Your conscious racism is not something that is welcome in this fandom, and Asian fans are not here to teach you better)

((White and non-Asian people can and should reblog this, but don’t clown around.  Productive, respectful discussion is welcome.  Asian fans are more than welcome to add their perspectives/agree/disagree, especially people with Japanese heritage))

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

Emotional abuse is NOT to be normalized.

Hello everyone! Anon from the “

I’m a victim of emotional abuse

” post. And today I’m going to explain my story of the emotional abuse I went through. 

My story begins as a lot do, online. I was about 10 years old so I didn’t know what were red flags, and what relationships I should avoid. I had a very toxic friend group back then that enjoyed self deprecation and honestly bullying each other, me included. We used to do the cringe roleplays children do and making cringe oc’s. I met someone we’ll call Rin. 

Rin didn’t bully me like the others in the friend group and very often came to me for opinions, and over all talking without making me feel like utter garbage. I ate up all the praise, all the love and support Rin gave me. However, even as early as friendship, they would get angry at me if I did stuff they didn’t like and would sometimes ignore me, sometimes verbally assault me into apologizing for things I really shouldn’t have. 

»»————-————-««

For context, Back then I was both unmedicated for anxiety and I was going through a harsh time with my aunt and cousins living with us. When I was 6, my drug addict uncle committed suicide and I’d been living with them for about 4 years by that time. (No, my parents nor aunt told us he committed suicide. at the time, don’t worry) They made my life HELL, constantly getting me in trouble and generally putting me down. 

Context: Rin was 16 when i was 10. 

»»————-————-««

One day I was doing our daily playing games with the friend group and Rin when one of our friends, Rose, Told us we’d make a *great* couple. By that time I had some feelings for Rin, we’d voice call occasionally, to me they weren’t a stranger. Rin had agreed and in hind sight I was kind of pressured into the relationship. 

All of the behavior I mentioned before, where they would get pissy whenever I did something they didn’t like or get nice when I did something they *did* like got WORSE. It’s nothing like what media presents, because when people wish to manipulate you they will without hesitation. 

Rin began threatening bodily harm, showing me cuts if I did something vaguely wrong. They would tell me I was worthless without them. That if I’d “Only just listen to me I could make you the best girl ever!" 

They found it funny when I’d get squeamish over topics, continuing the conversations and saying that if I’d just tell them that I’d like it then they’d stop. 

One day when I was 11, it just got too much for me so I said we needed to break up. You wanna know what Rin did? 

They threatened suicide. They told me if I left them they’d kill themselves. That I was all they were living for. That I was the love of their life and if I left them it’d be my fault if they killed themselves. 

I was 11, I didn’t know any better about the situation but I knew I didn’t want them to die so I stayed. I stayed in the relationship. I tried 3 more times to break up with the same result. the same threat of Suicide. Sometimes with photos. 

After that original threat they began getting s*xual. They began mentioning we should meet up IRL, despite us being several states apart. They began describing what they’d do to my body s*xually when we met IRL. They told me that if I didn’t want to fulfill their fantasy’s I was a bad SO. That I should only exist to fulfill their wants and *their* needs. It didn’t matter what I wanted.

when I was 12, I finally had an out. They had been stabbed and sent to the hospital. They weren’t online so I took the chance and broke up with them when they couldn’t do anything about it. They tried when they got back but I was long gone. 

Now normally Media presents this as when a trauma victim starts healing and returns to perfect normalcy. That isn’t the case. Its been at least 4 years since I left them, since I got out of that situation, but I still have the fears. Have the insecurities. I still hear their voice telling me I’m worthless, That I’d be better off a trophy on their wall. That since I’m not their perfect ideal woman I should just shut up and be the best wife to the next man that decides I’m worth their time.

my anxiety’s voice, once a always changing one *became* their voice. I’ve healed, I’ve moved on from the abuse but their voice haunts me. Their Abuse has left mental scars that will NEVER heal. 

This is why having Mental Abuse of any form be normalized is horrible. because it means more people like me will go through situations like these. and not be allowed to escape because we’re "over reacting”. Because we’re “just in hysterics. it’s perfectly normal!" 

this is a serious issue that shouldn’t be brushed under the rug. Miraculous Ladybug is the WORST offender of normalizing Mental Abuse I have ever seen. because I KNOW the red flags. I have trained myself to see them. To protect myself. 

Normalizing normal little issues is fine. But mental abuse? never. NEVER should ANY form of abuse be normalized because it means more victims will appear. This shouldn’t even be a thing but here I am. Having to fight for people to realize this isn’t a thing that should be just accepted. 

TL;DR: My first ex threatened to cause bodily harm when i was 10, and when i was 11 threatened suicide for me daring to try and break up with them. I escaped when i was 12, only barely. Now my anxiety has taken their voice and haunts me to this day.

If you’ve read this long, thank you! and have some

kittens

for what I just made you read. Thank you for your time. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

First of all, I want to thank you for your bravery in coming forward to share your experience. I am so sorry you had to go through this. Nobody deserves to be treated this way.

Second, you still raise a valid point. 

Media in general tends to downplay emotional abuse and parental neglect, a good example being Monica Geller’s relationship with her parents from Friends. Almost every episode featuring Monica’s mom showed her being insensitive to her daughter and constantly belittled her while undermining her achievements like prioritizing Ross’ new girlfriend over Monica’s weight loss in a flashback. Even if it was unintentional on her part, it still damaged Monica’s psyche, and this kind of treatment was always played for laughs.

The fact that even shows today tend to downplay mental trauma shows that people don’t really understand the kind of damage it can cause.

The way Chloe’s relationship with her mother is portrayed is a good example. At least Friends is targeted towards an older audience so it could be enjoyed in a morbid way by laughing at Monica’s misery, but at its core, Miraculous Ladybug is aimed at children. Children will see Chloe bonding with her neglectful mother and see it as normal, as a good thing.

The fact that Astruc still doesn’t get how bad Chloe’s upbringing was shows he doesn’t get mental abuse either.

You need to better understand mental trauma before actually trying to write it. Otherwise, you end up depicting mental abuse in the wrong way and give viewers the wrong impression of it.

[firelxdykatara]

Re: your excellent recent metas on stanning Mako and semi-comparing/contrasting him with Katara, do you think Mako should have ever gotten his own TSR-style arc of seeking revenge on his parents’ killer? It’s something I’ve been thinking about ever since re-entering the ATLA/LOK fandom last year. Just, UGH, the wasted potential to use such an arc to really dig into Mako’s psyche and all the hardship he’s endured, and also make said hardship more front-and-center to his audience of antis who unfairly reduce him to a standoffish, philandering asshole. I understand not wanting to re-do TSR in LOK, but Mako deserved SOMETHING of that calibur for a character arc. What are your thoughts?

Oooooh this is a really good question, and it's something I hadn't really thought of before--which, I think, is part of the issue with LoK as a whole. If you'll forgive a bit of a tangent--in atla, we are constantly reminded about the losses that Sokka and Katara have suffered--not in any kind of heavy-handed way (no matter how much the Katara haters will whine about her mentioning their mother, even though they usually won't say boo about Sokka despite him mentioning their father at least as often)--because the narrative makes it very clear that it's something on their minds through everything else that happens. It shapes who they are, and informs a lot of the decisions they make. You can see this with Zuko, too, and the abuse he suffered from his father--even before it is revealed in The Storm, you know that something happened, and that maybe it's not such a great thing that he is desperate to 'regain' his honor and return home. And even Aang, though he only rarely is shown to actually grapple with it on screen, is a constant reminder to the world, as well as to the audience, of the consequences of the war, simply by virtue of being an airbender and the last living remnant of the Air Nomads.

By contrast, LoK doesn't do much with the traumas any of the main cast suffered, particularly not anything that happened prior to the start of the series. Mako has a deeply emotional conversation early on in the show about what happened to his parents, and what he witnessed as a small child, but nothing is ever made of this information. It provides a bit of context, and it allows fans like me who are dissatisfied with the way the show and fandom proceeded to treat him to dig deep and realize just how much he suffered and how much better he deserved--but as far as the show itself is concerned, that conversation was essentially flavortext. It doesn't mean much, the show doesn't seem interested in having Mako or Bolin reflect on their lives or even be shown to visibly mourn their parents (who never show up in so much as a single flashback). Even when they meet their paternal grandmother in book 3, nothing much is made of the connection (and when Bolin has to forcibly evacuate Yin from Ba Sing Se, she makes him wait for her to grab..... the picture of the dead Earth Queen, rather than the picture of her son and his family), other than Yin telling them why their father severed connection with his family and Mako choosing to give her his one memento of his parents.

And like... I get that was meant to be an emotional moment, but... his father chose to cut off all contact with his family. Whatever the reasons might have been, whether he might have changed his mind had he lived, the fact was that what he wanted from his life was to look to the future--to his wife (who he never bothered taking home to meet his parents) and to his children. I really don't think he would have wanted his mother to have his scarf instead of his son--especially not when she had memories of his entire life (adult memories!) to hold onto, while Mako only had the hazy memories of childhood and one physical token to cling to when those might not be enough.

Bolin is glad to suddenly have a huge family, when they meet their grandmother, but again... nothing really comes of this. At some point Bolin mentions that he used to dig through literal garbage for food, and this is played for laughs rather than taken as any kind of serious examination of his life before things changed. The show just doesn't care about the krew as individual characters, not really--they are moved about as needed for the Plot, jokes are occasionally made about their backgrounds, sometimes something is pulled out for an emotional tearjerker moment before never being referenced again (I mean, really, Grandma Yin is around for multiple episodes in book 3 and book 4, and neither Mako nor Bolin spend an episode just begging to hear about their father's childhood?), and... that's about it.

All of which is a very long-winded way of saying yes, I absolutely think that Mako should've gotten his own TSR-like episode. Obviously it shouldn't have been just a carbon-copy, or even necessarily occupy a similar niche in the show--while TSR is very much a Katara episode, it is also a Zuko and Katara episode, because whether you ship them or not, the episode is explicitly about not only Katara gaining closure for here mother's murder, but also about Katara working through her feelings regarding Zuko and choosing to forgive him. However, I absolutely believe that Mako should have been given a chance to confront his parents' murderer, and I think it's a crying shame that this never actually happened.

And the thing is, they wouldn't have even had to 'redo' TSR, any more than you consider Mako as a character to be a 'redo' of Katara just because they have similar childhood traumas--but what they very easily could have done is shown how that trauma lingers. Show Mako's complicated relationship with firebending (he really has no thoughts about his own element, when it is what killed his parents???) and with the Triads that he had to do work for to make ends meet as a teenager so that he could keep Bolin fed. Maybe he knows exactly which of the Triads was responsible for his parents' death--maybe the man's face is burned into his mind, appearing in his own nightmares so frequently he couldn't forget it if he tried.

Maybe he had to do a job for the man who killed his parents, and only the thought of Bolin going hungry or worse if Mako never came home kept him from attacking. Maybe that night, when he got home, after he made sure Bolin had something to eat and went to sleep, he threw up until there was nothing left in his stomach and then he kept retching, throat raw and eyes stinging, because every time he closed his eyes he saw that man's face and felt the hand that killed his parents clapping him on the back for a job well done.

Maybe the man who killed his parents is one of Amon's Triad victims, loses his bending and is pathetic and weak, and Mako struggles against the urge to roast him alive without a second thought. Maybe Korra is there, slowly putting the pieces together, wanting to speak up but knowing that this is Mako's pain and it's something she could never fully understand, believing with all her heart that he'll make the right choice... but still sighing with relief when Mako's shoulders slump, the fire goes out of his hands, and the man who killed his parents runs away.

Maybe, at the end of the book when she is restoring everyone's powers, the man who killed Mako's parents gets to the head of the line... and she refuses. Maybe that's ultimately his punishment. And maybe Mako is standing there, fists clenched against the still-simmering rage in his gut, teeth clenched against the urge to vomit, relaxing only when the man leaves--dejected, rejected and powerless--and smiling, because he can finally begin to heal and move on from the scars left behind by his parents' deaths, but the man who killed them will have to remember every single day for the rest of his life exactly why he's powerless.

Idk, I just think... it would really be neat if Mako had been allowed to get closure for what happened to his parents. It would be... neat. I'm not crying at all shut up.

[eelistolvanen]

Bruises that you left behind - Travis Konecny Pt.3

A/N: So since we’ve almost reached 100 notes on Part 2, I finally got the motivation to finish the next part. So thanks to everyone who liked, reblogged or commented! Let me know if you like it! Part 4 is in the works but I’d greatly appreciate some feedback :) 

So here it is, there will finally be some Travis x reader interactions, so buckle up folks ;)

Words: 4.1k

Warnings: Angst, mentions of suspected cheating, no proofread (as usual) 

You can find Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

_____________________________

You were nursing the worst hangover you’ve ever had the morning after. You’d already drunk enough at the party, but after Kevin had left, once he brought you home, you’d downed a entire bottle of red wine in self pity. You weren’t really sure anymore what triggered your episode. You wanted to blame your outburst against Travis on the alcohol, but deep down you knew there was another reason, the alcohol just aided it. After all this time you were still hurt. You’d never really gotten over it.

Getting out of bed proved to be a real struggle. But after half an hour you were sitting at your kitchen island trying to eat some breakfast. The pounding headache had gotten a bit better after taking some painkillers, but was still noticeable.

For a quick moment you though the ringing in your ears reappeared, then you realised that someone had actually rang your doorbell. You could already imagine who was standing behind the door as you approached it. Not entirely ready to face one of his lectures, but you couldn’t really avoid it.

“Damn, you look a lot worse than I expected you to.” This was all you were greeted with as Nolan moved past you into your apartment.

“It’s nice to see you too, Nols.” You scoffed sarcastically.

He sat down at the kitchen island and waited for you to join him. Both of you stayed silent as Nolan let his gaze wander over the mess in your kitchen. Surprisingly, he didn’t comment on it, a quick headshake was all that you got.

“I know Haysey already told you that we didn’t know that he would show, but I just needed to tell you myself. We really didn’t know. He wasn’t even invited and I have no idea why he thought he needed to make an appearance. I’m sorry, Y/N.”

You knew that he felt bad, just like Kevin. But it wasn’t their fault. And as much as you wished not to have to see him, you also knew that there always was a chance that you’d crossed paths somewhere.

“It’s fine, Nols. I’m not mad and you did nothing wrong, so no need to apologize. It should probably be me apologizing, after all I’m the one who called his girlfriend a puckbunny, so… “

Nolan chuckled at your words. “I’m pretty sure they’re not dating, so don’t be sorry. I mean, I thought it seemed to be very fitting for her but anyway… Let’s forget about that.”

You gladly accepted. The two of you hung out for another hour or so, before Nolan decided that he probably shut head over to Kelsey’s.

 Sometime in the afternoon Kevin texted you and asked if you wanted to hang out in the evening. You agreed to it even though you knew that Kevin would bring up the whole Travis thing as well.

It did take Kevin surprisingly long til he brought Travis up though. And you knew that this conversation was about to come.

“He called me today.” Kevin didn’t have to name any names for you to know he was talking about him. “And he asked about you.”

You waited for him to keep going but he stayed silent.

“So?” Kevin exhaled loudly and made eye contact with you. “I just thought you wanted to know…”

“Do I?” You couldn’t stop your voice from being laced with poison. You were being rude and you knew it. Kevin never asked to be dragged into this.

“Ahh, I don’t know Y/N. Come on, I’m trying here. Well anyway, he wanted to know about you. What you were doing at the party. Why we went together. Why you’re in Philly.”

You felt irritated. Why on earth would he care. He felt. He had no right to ask Kevin about you.

“So you told him, huh?” You were being unfair, you knew you had to stop acting like a bitch towards Kev, but God you couldn’t help it.

“ No, Y/N! I didn’t. I didn’t tell him anything because I didn’t want you to get hurt-“

“You also told him that he wouldn’t show to the party.” That was low, even for you.

“For fucks sake, Y/N! He wasn’t invited, he wasn’t supposed to show up, okay? I get it, you never wanted to see him again but it’s to late now. Just don’t take your anger out on me, I did nothing wrong.”

You deserved to be called out like this. He was right after all, you had taken it out on him. And Nolan. And neither of them did anything wrong.

“So what do I do now? I mean this is the exact reason why I left that life behind. Because even though you’re my family, it also means that everything I tried to avoid is catching up to me. And I don’t know how to handle that, Kev.”

“But you can’t run away anymore, Y/N. You have to face it. And maybe talking to him would do you good. You know, talking like adults. Civilized.” He meant well but you still felt like he was accusing you.

“Civilized? So I don’t know how to talk civilized?” There was disbelief in your voice. Was he serious?

“No, you do… It’s just that swearing at him and calling him names won’t get you anywhere. That’s all I’m saying.” He was right but you still hated to hear it. There was so much pent up emotion inside you, you had to get rid of it somehow.

“I know what you mean Kev. But I can’t just forgive him…”

“And I’m not asking you to. But I know that you want to know the reason and you won’t get an answer unless you talk to him. An I know he wants to talk to you…”

He was speaking softly, quietly asking you to speak to Travis. You were walking a fine line, you knew that. But you were also painfully aware of the fact that you wouldn’t get any better unless you started to face this. Face him. And your feelings towards him.  

----------------

Every turn Kevin made, made you feel more nauseous. The closer you got to him the more you felt like you couldn’t breathe.

“I don’t know if I can do this Kev.” Your voice felt weak, barely above a whisper.

Kevin quickly glanced over to you in the passenger seat. A worried look flashed over his face.

“Yes you can, Y/N. At least try okay? You agreed to meet him and if it gets to much, I’m gonna be waiting in the car, okay? And I’ll keep an eye on you.”

You felt yourself relax slightly. You were still nervous but knowing that Kevin was close by, put you slightly at ease. You had to do this. For you.  

Kevin parked the car in a parking space beside the sidewalk, only meters from the entrance to the park. You hadn’t been here in a while. You hadn’t been here many times anyway. A couple of times with Travis, when you were walking the dogs. It wasn’t your usual spot, which was exactly the reason why you choose it. It didn’t hold any particular memories that could hurt you. You barely even remembered what this park looked like. Kevin pulled you out of your thoughts as he put his hand on your shoulder.

“Y/N. You can do this. And I’m here, okay?” You could feel him squeeze your shoulder as you slowly nodded and got out of the car.

You saw him as soon as you walked through the entrance of the park. He had his back to you and you couldn’t see his face but you would always recognize his silhouette. You felt your heart get heavy. You started to walk towards him, fighting all the urges to turn around and run away from him as fast as you could. He hadn’t noticed you, so you could still pull out. But once you got within a 10 feet he must have heard your footsteps. He wiped around quickly and you were left wondering how this movement didn’t give him whiplash.

“Y/N. You came.” His voice was quiet and he send you a quick smile. It didn’t reach his eyes though, they were filled with sorrow. His sad smile made your heart ache.

You looked at him. For the first time in almost 2.5 years you really looked at him. You almost felt yourself taken aback at the dark rings underneath his eyes. He looked tired, exhausted even and completely worn out. In a way he looked almost the same than he used to. But in some way he also looked like a completely different person. The radiance, the light that he used to give off seemingly had vanished. His bubbliness seemed to have made space for something darker. He looked hollow, almost as if the Travis standing in front of you was a ghost of the man he used to be. To a stranger he probably would have looked completely normal. Physically he hadn’t really changed that much, but all those little things that made Travis Travis weren’t there anymore.

He had noticed your shocked expression as well as you gave him a one over.

“I look like shit, huh?” He was trying to lighten the mood, but if anything it made it worse.

“No no, you just look… different.” You knew he didn’t buy your lie, but you didn’t feel like pity him so you did what you did so well. Turn defensive.

“So your girlfriend let you go and talk to me?” Travis scoffed at your words.

“She’s not my girlfriend. And you don’t have to worry about her, you won’t see her around again.”

“I still shouldn’t have called her a puckbunny. That was low.” You genuinely felt sorry about it. Even if she was one of those girls, calling her out in front of the entire team wasn’t your proudest moment.

Travis chuckled slightly. “Nah, it’s fine.” His expression turned serious again, almost sour. “You and Hayesy, huh?”

At first you didn’t even understand what he meant. It took you a moment to regain your composure.

“What? No, we’re friends. Same as we’ve always been. Nothing more.”

At first he looked sceptical but slowly he seemed to relax. Which then sparked anger inside of you.

“It shouldn’t really be any of your concern though, I mean what do you care? You left me.”

Your emotions were bubbling inside of you. And as hard as you tried tears were scarily close to spill as you tried to choke back your pain.

He groaned loudly. “I know. I fucked up. I made a mistake. And I’m so sorry for doing this to you, Y/N.”

This was too much for you. You couldn’t hold back your emotions anymore. Tears were rolling down your cheeks.

“You just left and I’ve never heard of you since. Not even a single word. Nothing.”

“That’s not true, Y/N. I reached out to you. Afterwards. But it was too late. When I came back to our house the first time after that day, you were gone. Every trace of you had vanished. An I tried to call, but I could never get through to you. And eventually I had to accept that I lost you.”

“Don’t put this on me! What did you expect Travis? That I’d wait around in our house hoping that maybe one day you’d return? That maybe it was all just some sick joke? You left me standing on our wedding day and you don’t get to blame me for trying to pick myself up again and start fresh.”

He stayed silent for a while. The guilt seemed to consume him. He abandoned the most important thing in his life and he knew that you had every right to hate him. He had no right to ask you for forgiveness and he knew that. But that didn’t meant that he wouldn’t at least try to mend the things he broke. You could hear him inhale sharply.

“I know that I hurt you. I fucked up, big time. And I’m painfully aware of it.” Even a complete stranger would have been able to identify the pained expression on Travis’ face. He was being completely honest with you. Not that it mattered though.

“Yeah, you did. You broke me Travis, you realise that, right?” He felt like someone shot a dagger through his heart. He knew he hurt you. Badly. But hearing you say it made it real. He would never be able to forgive himself. And you wouldn’t either, Travis was sure of that.

“I know Y/N, just tell me what I can do to make it better. Please, Y/N! I want to fix this. Fix us.”

He had tears in his eyes. You could see that he wanted to touch you, hug you, comfort you but he also knew that it wasn’t his place to do so anymore. It killed you to see him like that. So broken. How ironic. Both of you broken beyond repair.

“You can’t, Travis. This isn’t something you can fix.” You paused, thinking over your next words.

“You know I wish there was a evident reason, one that I knew back then. That you had some mistress, stopped loving me or something. But… I thought everything was fine. I thought we were great. I had no indication that something went wrong between us and I think this is why it hurts so much. One day everything seemed great and the next… everything was completely shattered.”

You could feel tears welling up in your eyes. Quickly you turned around. You couldn’t do this. Standing across from him, talking to him, hearing his voice. All it did was remind you of the pain he put you through.

“I can’t do this. I’m sorry.”  He tried to reach out to you, catch your arms but you slipped out of his grip before he could get any closer. “Y/N!” But his pleads fell onto deaf ears. You’d already turned your back to him and were walking away as you heard him speak up again. It was quiet but you could hear it clear as day.

“I still love you Y/N! You have to know that. And I will never stop loving you, even if you hate me now.”

A quiet sob escaped your lips. This is why you wanted to stay as far away from his as possible. Nobody was able to hurt you like he did, even if he didn’t intent to. So you kept on walking.

When Travis left the park he caught a glimpse of you, sitting in Kevin’s car, seemingly hugging him. And although he knew that you had been honest with him when he asked you about Kevin, he couldn’t help but feel jealous. Jealous that someone else was the one comforting you now, when it used to be him who held you when you felt like you were falling apart. Jealous that someone else got to go to a Halloween party with you and dress up in stupid costumes. Jealous that someone else got to see you smile now.

Because this should have been him.

 -----------

You were sitting on Nolan’s couch, trying to figure out how your life slipped from you, when you thought you had everything. You tried not to think back to that day, but every time you thought about Travis the memories just kept resurfacing. You couldn’t get his face off your mind, it almost seemed like his image had burned itself into your memory.

Someone ringing the doorbell ripped you from your thoughts.

“Are you expecting anyone?” He didn’t answer, he just gave you a quick headshake before making his way to the door. You didn’t want to eavesdrop but your curiosity took over. You felt yourself freeze as you recognized the voice at the door.

“I need to talk to you, Pat.” There was urgency in his voice, he sounded almost desperate.

You could Nolan calmly reply: “Now is not a good time, Travis.”

“But it’s important. Please.” It really must have been important, considering that Travis didn’t usually begged for someone’s attention like that.

“I.. I can’t, Teeks, I’m busy.“ You couldn’t see Nolan’s face but you could sense the uneasiness in his voice. And of course Travis had picked up on it to.

“You’re busy?... She’s here, isn’t she?” You couldn’t hear Nolan’s answer but the commotion coming from the hallway pretty much gave away that Travis knew that you were here. You could hear Nolan and Travis speaking over each other and moments later you could hear footsteps coming down the Hall. You could hear Nolan telling Travis that he needed to leave.

“I have to talk to her.” With that he appeared in the living room. “Y/N.” It was more breathed over his lips than actually spoken and it instantly send shivers down your spine.

“What are you doing here Travis?” You felt so little, sitting curled up on Nolan’s couch while he was standing in the entry of the living room.  

“Can we talk? Again?” He seemed surprisingly calm. He was wearing a snapback and that yellow hoodie that you used to love so much. He used to radiate almost as much brightness as his hoodie, but now he constantly seemed as if someone dimmed his light. He looked tired, just as the other day.

“We have talked.” You tired to be as cold as possible, trying to shield you from the emotions that were rising inside of you.

“Yeah, and you ran away.” You sucked in air, trying to interject before he spoke up again but you came up empty.

“Please Y/N. And if you feel like it’s too much or you want me to leave I’ll leave, just let me at least try to explain.”

You wouldn’t get rid off him that quickly, so you took a deep breath before nodding.

You led him out of the living room towards Nolan’s bedroom. As much as you wanted Nolan by your side you knew that you needed to have this conversation in private.

Once the door was closed you looked at Travis expectantly. He seemed to be fighting for words.

“So? You wanted to talk. So talk.” You were being cold but you didn’t feel like standing in a room with Travis while the both off you stared at each other in silence. As if there wasn’t already enough tension between the two of you when you spoke.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I-“ You interrupted him. Was he really doing this again?

“Yeah, you already said that.” You crossed your arms over your chest.

“And I mean it. And you need to know that. I know that I hurt you. Badly. And there’s nothing that I regret more than walking away that day. I made a mistake and I ruined my life with it. And there’s not a day in my life where I don’t wish I could undo what I’ve done.”

“Well, you can’t Travis! Did they tell you that I tried to come after you? That I tried to track you down? Tried to find you and change your mind? Only to find out that you had packed a bag and already left the country? And then you flew to..”

Your voice broke, your eyes were teary and you felt like you could barely breathe. The guilt on his face made you feel nauseous.

“Why?! Why Travis, just tell me why you did it?” You sounded raspy, you barely recognized your own voice.

“You know why, Y/N.” “No, I don’t! You never bothered to tell me. YOU JUST LEFT, without a word!”

He took a step back in surprise, certainly not expecting this outburst from you.

“You read the letter, I didn’t know how to tell you in person.”

A humourless laugh came from your lips.

“I never read the letter. I burned it.” Your entire body was trembling now. You weren’t sure why though. Maybe you were nervous, anxious even or maybe it was the anger inside of you.  

“You.. burned… the letter.” He was in such shock at your words he nearly seemed to swallow his own tongue. He stood frozen, unable to move even a single muscle. This was the last thing he expected you to admit to him.  

“I just… I don’t get it, Travis! What have I ever done to you to deserve this? What did I do to you to have a reason to leave me standing at the altar?” Your voice softened, ”What happened, Trav?”

He looked like a fish out of water. He was still fighting for words, closing and opening his mouth. If you weren’t so hurt and angry you could have laughed at his expressions.

“I.. I don’t know Y/N. I just couldn’t do it.”

Anger started to rise up in your chest. God, you wanted to punch him. He’d always been a bad liar, you could smell his lies miles away.

“That’s bullshit Travis! We both know that, so stop lying to my face. You know how much I hate lying. You were able to write it in a letter but you can’t say it to my face?!” You tried to calm yourself. Take some deep breaths and steady your breathing. To no luck. Even Travis could see your trembling hands. You let out a shaky breath and kept going: “Was there someone else? Is that it?”

Your jaw clenches at that thought, you really didn’t think that Travis would ever cheat but who knows. You also didn’t think he would leave you on your wedding day but here you where.  Apparently you didn’t knew him as well as you thought you did. He seemed absolutely frozen for a moment, too shocked at your accusation to answer. But his hesitation was leaving a bitter taste in your mouth.

“No, Y/N! That’s not the reason-” “So what is it then? God Travis, just tell me. What on earth could have possibly been a reason to break off our engagement? Our relationship. Years spent together and without a warning you left.” You felt yourself starting to crack, a lump started to form in your throat and you knew that you would break soon enough. “ Did you just suddenly, one day to the next, stop loving me? Did you fall out of love? Was I just not good enough for you? What happened, Travis? Why did you leave me?” You weren’t even gonna try to hold back the tears streaming down your face. You just let them all out, sobs racked your body. The anger had left your body now and made way for the endless pain you felt when thinking about that day. You completely broke down in front of him

“Y/N…”

He knew that there was nothing he could say that would ease your pain. The damage was already done. You could feel Travis trying to reach out to you, but you pushed him away. You couldn’t see the expression on him face but if you did, you’d seen the agony that mirrored yours. When you let out a sorrowful quiet cry, he couldn’t compose himself anymore. He couldn’t watch you being in this much pain. He’d never hated himself more than in this moment. He knew that he was the reason for all this pain. So he fled the room.

Nolan stormed into the room only seconds later. Wrapping his body around his, as if he was trying to keep all the broken pieces together. And for what felt like eternity he just held you like that, at least you knew that he wasn’t going to let go of you.

“I think there was someone else, Nolan.” You broke the silence first, knowing that Nolan would give you as much time as you needed. The confused look Nolan gave you now, told you that he wasn’t exactly following what you were saying.

“That’s why he left. There was someone else. That-“ Nolan interrupted you before you could get another word out.

“This can’t be. Someone would have known. He would have told someone by now. I mean, did he admit that there was someone else?”

“Not technically, but he kinda hesitated when I brought it up. And he also didn’t actively deny it, so..”

Your voice started to cut out and you could feel the lump in your throat form. You were so sure of it now that you thought about it. His hesitation, the way he deflected the question. This had to be the reason. There was nothing else that could have been the reason.

“There was someone else, I just know it.”

Part 4 

[stomp-that-ho-regard]

Retcon

noun

(in a film, television series, or other fictional work) a piece of new information that imposes a different interpretation on previously described events, typically used to facilitate a dramatic plot shift or account for an inconsistency.

verb

revise (an aspect of a fictional work) retrospectively, typically by introducing a piece of new information that imposes a different interpretation on previously described events.

Retroactive Continuity

Reframing past events to serve a current plot need. [...] In its most basic form, this is any plot point that was not intended from the beginning. [...]

Post-hiatus C2, and the Great Retcon... 

(The retconning really started with the playlists, but we’ll come back to those.)

First, some context:

SDCC (July ‘18) - Marisha was asked directly about Beau and Yasha and if she and Ashley had discussed it. “After the first few times that I kinda put the moves on her, we were at break, and I could sense that Ashley was wanting to ask me something. And she was like, ‘Hey, I’m just curious... is Beau- ’ And at that exact moment someone’s like, ‘Yo Ashley! We gotta go! We gotta get on stage!’ And I was like, ‘Bye!’” Then Brian asked, “And you haven’t had a further conversation about it?” Marisha said, “Nope!”

(Seven months into the campaign, and no discussions. Hmm.)

NYCC (Oct. ‘18) - Marisha was asked about who would Beau get flustered over if they ever flirted back, and yes, she said Yasha and laughed, but then said, “It’s like throwing pebbles at a brick wall.” Meaning, she was putting stuff out there and not getting anything back. (And, she really wasn’t. I still remember when a major portion of the fandom, including the diehard shippers [of which I was one at the time], weren’t sure if Ashley was even interested in this. More than that, it wasn’t until the Zuala reveal, that the fandom and the players found out for certain that Yasha was actually into women.) 

(To me, Marisha’s answer here also suggests that at this point, there were still no discussions.)

Talks Machina for ep61 (May ‘19) - Marisha was asked ‘What was going through Beau's mind when Yasha revealed her past with Zuala? Has this changed any feelings Beau might have? Or has Beau's character growth allowed her to mature a little more with regards to her feelings about Yasha?’ Which Marisha instantly pegged as a shipping question. And she said, “I’m trying to figure out a way to answer this to not ruin everyone’s internal canon, in their brains. I don’t want people to overestimate Beau’s intentions towards Yasha. But then also, is that on me? Have I been leading everybody on?”

So, you had all of that, all the way up to ep61.

None of this indicates that ‘it’s been happening since ep1′ or that it’s ‘the slowest of slow burns.’ In fact, it shuts that down completely.

Moving forward to the Beau and Fjord convo (ep108)...

Marisha suddenly having Beau say “There was something about Yasha from the moment that I saw her”. She’s retrospectively attempting to give that moment more weight, when (based on the examples above) we know that the over-the-top flirting was just for fun. And truthfully, she really wasn’t flirting with Yasha any differently than she was flirting with any hot female NPC the party crossed paths with.

And now it’s clear that that one line she said is the reason why BY shippers have suddenly clung on to the idea that “It’s been happening since episode one! SLOooOowBuUuuUrn!!!!!” when its clear that it was not planned. (Not before the hiatus-from-hell, anyway.)

Then Marisha having Beau go from describing Jester as “She's fun. She makes me laugh. I like her ridiculous plans. I think she's complicated and layered.” to “It’s easy to lust after her”. I’ll direct you to Talks for ep85. After Marisha had mentioned that it was a bunch of little things that build, and then pinpointed a few of them, Brian tried to make a joke and said “So you’re saying it’s been more a series, than just one moment that you can point to and say ‘It was right here when I went, let’s fuck!’” Marisha specifically countered that with “It’s not even about 'let’s fuck’. It’s nothing sexual in this case.” (Having her backpedal on this so heavily was such a huge gut punch and was the thing that wholly soured everything for me.)

There were so many better, more delicate ways Marisha could’ve had Beau examine/come to grips with her feelings for both women, but all the reduction and saying they were ‘transferable’ was nothing short of insulting.

On that same Talks episode, Marisha also said this: “Going into this campaign all of us were like, ‘No relationships!’ I didn’t want it! I didn’t ask for this!”, while smiling. What this shows me is that she was thinking of a relationship in regards to Beau’s feelings for Jester. As if she was maybe even anticipating this culminating into something? Why even mention relationships at all if this was nothing serious and was always meant to fall by the wayside?

Brian then followed up with, “In my opinion, as a viewer, Beau’s someone who seems to be on the search for innocence. Whether innocence lost or just innocence in general. And to me it makes sense that you would be attracted to someone who exudes genuine and sort of intrinsic innocence.” Marisha replied with “Fairly astute.”

The next question was, ‘Beau has taken a pretty casual, no-strings-attached approach toward sex and relationships so far. How do her feelings for Jester compare to her previous romantic flings?’ Marisha answered immediately and very seriously with, “Noncomparable. It’s more than that.” She wasn’t playing coy and it didn’t take her a century to find the words. She didn’t even have to think about it. Succinct and direct.

How did all of that ‘organically’ disappear completely, after only 14 episodes?

(Everything felt more genuine back then, because it seemed like Marisha was going where the character was taking her, and not where she thought the character should be going.)

Post-hiatus, everyone and their mother are acting like BY is some epic romance-of-the-ages that was all mapped out, and like Beau having feelings for Jester was just some sort of temporary curveball. That Beau was confused, or was just missing Yasha and projected onto Jester. 

That’s really fucked up no matter how you try to justify it. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen another piece of media backpedal this hard, and this callously.

None of that squares with what we were shown or with what we were told. Until, everybody made a hard pivot and now they've done (and continue to) do everything they can to rewrite campaign history, even though we have plenty of footage that contradicts the new ‘company line’.

Now, where the retconning truly began, with the playlists...

Remember the first round of playlists? Those were released randomly, whenever the cast felt like posting them. I also don’t remember there being announcements every time one came out either.

This time though, they had a fixed schedule, complete with official twitter announcements. As they started to just get back into the swing of things, Yasha’s playlist was released right after the first episode back.

So, right out of the gate, they had to make sure they started to drill home a certain mindset for viewers. That’s why Yasha had a song called ‘Let Me Hold You’. (Lo and behold, a few episodes in, Beau randomly asks Yasha to hold her.)  A few weeks later, Beau’s playlist was released, and there was a song with the caption saying ‘Ultimately, all she really wants is someone to hold, and someone to hold her’. (But sure, no planning here! The wording is just a total coincidence, folks!)  

The other song, directly about Yasha, mentions ‘a crush forged in battle’ (ok), and ‘awkward flirtations’ (???). Yasha never openly flirted with Beau before the hiatus, until maybe right after the Obann arc, in a very vague way.

On Beau’s playlist, there’s nothing about Jester. The one track that mentions her is actually about Artagan. Which, after all they’ve been through together, is fucking ridiculous no matter how you slice it.

In addition to that, Marisha had made Beau’s time in Kamordah (ep92/e93), and the incidents with her family and the Hag, about the group now, not about Jester, fully contradicting her own reiterated words that ‘Jester saved Beau’.

When Beau was talking to her dad, reverting back to her old self and getting all riled up, Jester helped her in that moment, and saved her. Yes, the group was very supportive, and yes, Yasha said something to him before they left the house (that Beau was out of earshot for by the way), but Jester was Beau’s rock throughout that whole thing. 

With the Hag, when the group was having a hard time coming up with a solution, and they realized they might actually lose Beau, Jester stepped up and took control of the situation. She, single-handedly, saved Beau/the group from the Hag. And with that, Jester also became Beau’s hero.

In both instances, Marisha thanked Laura/Jester. First on Talks for ep92 with both of them on it. She reiterated, “You saved me. You saved Beau.” Then on Twitter after ep93 with, “Still processing last night. Saved by a cupcake? Eh - saved by @LauraBaileyVO ... again.” 

But now suddenly, it’s the group. Just the group? 

Now, don’t get me wrong. The entire party showing Beau support was incredibly important. The M9 showed her that they value her, that she’s important to them. It solidified the theme of ‘found family’, which was beautiful. But, to not also highlight how crucial Jester was in all of this, after making such a big deal about it? 

That is very deliberate retconning of some hugely important, highly emotional moments for Beau that directly involved Jester.

Any of Beau’s organic and genuine connection with Jester (which encompasses their deep friendship as well as Beau’s romantic feelings) has been massively reduced (and now erased), specifically to prop up a supposed ‘deep’ connection with someone else that was barely ever there, is still barely there, and has no actual depth at all.

Case in point, the BY date (ep126) showcased this fact to the most extreme degree...

Yasha’s infamous line: “I fell in love with you in Kamordah.” So, Yasha literally watched Beau relive her childhood trauma, and caught feelings during it. I’m not wrong in thinking that that’s just a little disturbing, am I? Also, if that’s the moment she supposedly fell for her, why did she not offer her any form of help? I mean, besides that one sweet moment with TJ, the entire time Beau was in Kamordah, she was the most broken down she’d ever been and needed some real comfort, which is something Yasha did not give her. (Jester did though. In spades.)

So, on multiple levels, this seems highly out-of-place. 

Several people have said that that line was not thought through. In my opinion, it actually was thought through and was only said specifically to have viewers completely dismiss everything else that happened in the Kamordah episodes. Despite the FACT that Beau and Yasha barely interacted during those episodes, they have now stripped down the party’s experience there, and twisted it into a giant BY shipping moment. (Further feeding into the retcon.)

Their ‘trip down memory lane’ was laughable. Most of the things that were mentioned, Yasha wasn’t even around for. 

Gee, remember when the cast was actually good at separating what they knew from what their character knew? When you start injecting what you know into your character (who isn’t supposed to know, because they literally were not physically there), you are metagaming. 

The entire date was one big metagaming bonanza. And it had to be, or else they would’ve had nothing to talk about. There is not one thing they have to call their own. To people who don’t have BY tunnel vision, it was made glaringly obvious that they have nothing in common and their dynamic is fairly shallow. Meanwhile, the rest of the cast are sitting there watching this unfold, smiling and nodding along as if it all makes perfect sense and isn’t utterly ridiculous. (And I’m sitting here wondering when I got shunted into the Twilight Zone.)

The shallowness holds true for FJ as well. Aside from both of them being from the Menagerie Coast, what exactly do they have in common?

While Fjord has grown as a character, as far as Jester goes, he still does not seem to have the capacity to fully understand her as a person, or fully respect her abilities/emotional strength/intelligence. He doubted her often, which led to Jester getting irritated with him several times over the course of at least the last third of the pre-hiatus episodes. He even continued to doubt her judgment (in regards to the Traveler) in the post-hiatus Rumblecusp episodes. But hey, they’ve kissed now (ep118) so all of that gets wiped clean, and he’s being touted as her ultimate romantic soulmate who’s oh-so-perfect for her.

For fuck’s sake, why does that sound like something pulled right out of a CW show?

(I'm convinced that the only reason FJ is ‘popular’ is because the shippers have projected Travis and Laura’s real-life marriage onto the characters. If Fjord and Jester were played by different people, or Travis and Laura were not together, people would realize how paper-thin and half-assed this pairing is and hardly anyone would care about it.) 

Beau and Jester had developed the deepest, most genuine friendship and overall dynamic in the entire party, that should have absolutely been given the chance to be explored further. They constructed a pretty solid foundation that could have easily been built upon, and the fact that it’s been unceremoniously pulverized and snuffed out in favor of such overwhelming tepidity and flavorlessness will never not infuriate me.

Finally, to finish this off, I will say with my whole chest, that that is one of many nasty, rotten patterns that I’ve seen far too much of in all kinds of scripted media, which is...

Not wanting to commit to the thing that’s actually growing organically, because it’ll ruffle too many feathers. It’s too inconvenient. It gets in the way. Because of course, nobody wants to do that. Nobody wants to take a risk, or you know, actually follow where the natural fucking chemistry is taking you. Of course not! Heaven forbid, we go down a different road! You have to go with what’s ‘expected’, no matter what, at the great expense of something new that’s come along that’s clearly better. Even when what’s expected is hollow as fuck and doesn’t make sense anymore, because characters have grown and dynamics have changed, they decide to dig their heels in with the most fanservice-y options instead.

Yet this is UNSCRIPTED media. A D&D campaign, that’s supposed to be mostly improvised. D&D, that’s all about taking chances/going with your gut/making bold choices/etc., from people who have claimed up and down that they “like to see things play out at the table”.

So why are those same disingenuous patterns being utilized here too?

One of the big reasons I got into CR was because I naively believed that because the format was different, that the storytelling would be different. I thought I wouldn’t have to worry about running into this nonsense here. That I wouldn’t have to worry about getting bullshitted, jerked around, and having my intelligence insulted left and right, but alas, here we are.

In conclusion...  [TL;DR, kinda?]

Reframing past events (between B & J, and B & Y) to serve a current plot need (railroading BY):                                                                                      

Beau playlist ignores Jester’s importance to what transpired in Kamordah. (minimizing/erasure)

Beau playlist doesn’t acknowledge/hint at Beau’s feelings for Jester. (total erasure. could have at least included a song about feelings being lost, or being confused about feelings for a friend, but Marisha took the cowardly route, and didn’t bother mentioning it at all.)

Beau playlist claims that Beau and Yasha have both been flirting forever. (easily debunked by session footage.)

In her conversation with Fjord, Beau says, “There was something about Yasha from the moment I saw her”. (it was just about hooking up then, and stayed that way for a majority of the campaign. This line suggests that Beau has had ‘deeper feelings’ for and/or has been ‘in love’ with Yasha since the first episode, that this was all intentional build-up, which again, is easily debunked by session footage, panels, and TM.)

In her conversation with Fjord, Beau says, “It’s easy to lust after her.” (minimizing/erasure/twisting of Beau’s feelings for Jester, which Marisha had previously stated were ‘noncomparable’ , ‘more than that’, and that her attraction is ‘nothing sexual in this case.’)

This isn’t a fucking conspiracy theory. This is plain evidence of a planned retcon.