#this doesnt make any sense im just ranting with myself lol

[showtoonzfan]

Just want to preface this by saying i love ur analysis sm- u put my exact thoughts into words when i cant verbalise whats wrong with a particular writing decision 🥲🥲

Anyway, smth ive noticed is how... little time vivzie actually spends on writing or characterizing or fleshing out her characters.

Which has to be the weirdest thing so far bc every writer and artist ive met agree that its the best part of making an oc! Its so fun to think of backstories and tie that into their current personality and generally just figuring out random details to get to know your characters!

Like, my ocs are my best friends, i know everything abt them from their trauma and childhoods, to their favourite food and music.

But time and time again she proves that her characters are at best acquaintances... the fandom fleshes out the characters so well and with so much love and care and thought that vivzie herself cant do and its just sad.

Not even mentioning the hundreds of retcons and how characters will just change personality randomly or act out of character which results in the work feeling like a fanfic of itself. (Ironic considering some fanfics have better and more consistent characterisation)

It feels like shes making it up as she goes, instead of having an actual plan. Just shoving random ideas she likes or picks up from the much more creative fandom into the 2 shows without actually stopping and thinking abt the consequences or implications.

Theres so many decisions shes made that irk me so bad... the ideas individually have potential but they either dont fit the show or have to make huge retcons and result in the plot not making any sense.

Also, ngl but she has the worst case of tell dont show ive ever seen my god 😭😭 like... you realise you have to show things instead of just fucking singing it or having a character say it??? Or is that another thing that the fandom has to do so they can convince themselves that the show has good characters??

Atp idk how to salvage the show... i keep finding more and more plotholes and unless i literally turn my brain off and only focus on haha funny dick joke or pwetty colors, these questions keep popping into my head making it a painful unenjoyable experience.

Again, if the fandom has to justify your bad nonsensical hypocritical worldbuilding then you failed. Massively.

Anyway im very sleepy rn just wanted to rant a bit bc im a writer and artist myself and it pisses me off how someone gets their show on the air and still doesnt care abt putting in effort into their plot or characters beyond aesthetics and random ideas that dont go well together...

You’re speaking facts! And it’s honestly like..kinda funny too that people who have their own OC’s can flesh them out and deep dive into their arcs/backstories ect, yet a professional showrunner who’s had these characters for YEARS can’t even give the majority of her characters flaws or quirks, or even consistency, same goes for Helluva Boss.

Viv is a really good example at letting inspired writers know what not to do when making a story and characters so at least they have that lol.

[the-gayest-tree-you-ever-did-see]

what is this jean/Jeremy/Kevin thing it looks interesting and the art is cool

oh boy oh boy!!!!!!!! i am absolutely going through it anon. so basically there is this book series called all for the game by nora sakavic that you should totally read (the first book is called the foxhole court -- but please check out a list of trigger warnings for it because it is very heavy and deals with a lot of serious and painful topics. i myself have had to disconnect for some of the scenes and come back when i was ready; its completely okay to do so, or to not read the books at all if its uncomfortable). its about gay athletes, guys just going through the absolute worst, the yakuza, fucked up families, a running game of how pathetic can you get answered in 15 different ways by each person, fucked up relationships, all not-so-neatly packaged into a completely made up fictional sport. (its funny because i am NOT a sports person and barely even understand cricket even though i watch it all the time, but i know the rules of exy forwards, backwards, and inside out. its that serious.)

i also need to warn you that the first book is slow. the second book is also kind of slow. i personally didnt have any trouble with it because im more of a character reader and aftg had PLENTYYY to keep me busy, but i think its a fair warning if youre sensitive to pace. however. the payoff is so incredibly worth it. its an amazing read with obsession-worthy characters, detailed and balanced plot beats, flowing and natural dialogue, very creative sports , and the relationships will make you want to reread it twenty thousand times. the romance is also the slowest burn to ever burn. if youre going in for romance at the start, you Will Not Get what you want -- but you will get it. i think we as a fandom focus on the romances a lot (im new so dont take my word for it) but its 1) because we're tumblr dont come and 2) because the romances and relationships are incredibly interesting to see through the lens of the books and vice versa. what i really love most (and youll see this in the ec doc) is that it feels like each and every choice was deliberately made by the author to make the book. like. down to the ice cream flavor they get at one point. especially with the sunshine court, i feel like i can see exactly where she made a choice and what mightve happened if that choice wasnt made. its intoxicated to read. it feels like breathing and it feels like drowning.

i just read the sunshine court (where jean and jeremy are more from) so thats what all the recent stuff has been, but you should read the foxhole court series first for it to make sense. i think tsc is 100000x times better and better written than tfc but you have to work for it lol. and!!!!! the author is on tumblr (@/korakos)! also if you do read it, please tell me!!!!!! you can keep sending anons or you can dm me or you can come to my house and live in my room but tell me!!!!! theres also an extra content doc (thanks @jeansyvesmoreau for sending this to me) between the series' (so after the kings men, before the sunshine court) that you should definitely definitely read. but im getting ahead of myself.

i hope that helps?? or at least doesnt hurt. if you liked the raven cycle by maggie stiefvater, i think this is a good step up. let me know if you have any questions at all!!

okay ive been normal for this whole thing, ranting and incoherent noises below cut:

ANON ITS SOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD ITS SO GOOD. ITS SO GOOD. i told mel this but i cant possibly say i love these books because its not necessarily love. its not something i can explain but youll get it if you read it. there is a piece of my soul that was carved out, reformed, and then put back into me by nora sakavic. i dont think ill ever be the same again. i need a therapist who has read these books so they can understand exactly what im going through. each character was like a bomb to me. jean moreau is like a straitjacket. they mean so much to me. theyre nothing. i hate them. i need to feed them breakfast. OUGHHHHHHHHORGHEURGHEOGH. there is so much grief entangled with them but they are so vibrant and full of life it hurts. i cant stop thinking about them. i finished tsc yesterday and ive been sobbing ever since. i am dead serious. i cried myself to sleep last night thinking about one of the characters. i need you to know how real i am being.

i think if i meet nora sakavic i will probably kill her. just fully black out and kill her and not even know it. so i wont meet her for the better! but i need this to be out there. my fingers hurt from typing all this but know that there is MORE in my head. so much more. i am fit to burst with it all. love you anon thanks for asking

[inzombniia]

tw // emetophobia(?)

vent post lol

i was going to post this last night but i got um. sidetracked. (ó﹏ò｡) by some rlly funny shit like istg it almost cured my summertime sadness i even cleaned my depression room 2day hhaha, last night i just made it my pfp and threw this into the drafts

im bouta go on a small rant so ill just tuck it away here ↓

i literally hate summer, im sorry i just cannot. maybe its the fact that i have no job and no car so i cant go anywhere. other than begging someone to take me shopping, im stuck. just me and the internet lolz and occasionally my friends but i havent responded to most of them which is kinda my fault (ꀬ⏖ꀬ∴) i shld probably do that...

im so much happier and mentally stable in sweater weather... maybe cus im a december baby LMAO

i think the amount of time i spend on my phone and computer are starting to catch up with me, apparently theres a thing called "cybersickness" and dude the name alone sounds cool asf ‼️ but yeah i also have vertigo and a lil sleep deprivation on top of that so. i just constantly have the urge to vomit but physically cant no matter how hard i try so i just drew myself doing the things i cant do <//3 and yes thats me lolz

however !!! i think i might actually start working at chuck e cheese... no one in my area says anything bad abt working there so i have high hopes that i could enjoy it, might have to visit it this weekend before i apply just to see if its any different from last year when i went

૮꒰ྀི˶˃̵ ^ ˂̵˵꒱ྀིა

tw // sh implied i guess

edit never fucking mind its not okay nothing is okay i wanna rip my guts out why me why what do i even do anymore it doesnt make any sense why do you have to make everything so hard for me.

"oh i feel so alone" good. i hope it stays that way u selfish prick

how does it feel to rip away my goals. i had this all planned out and its perfect for what i plan to do in life

its like you do this on purpose. you want 2 see me suffer. u want 2 see me fail. over and over and over. is this fun for you?

i relapsed because of you. i hope ur fucking proud of me

[akascow]

me justifying my MH designer line purchase by convincing myself the price tag just accounts for the sole designer's salary... like a cash tip or smth idk HAHA

MH collector doll pricing rant incoming proceed at your own annoyance <3 i didnt wanna make a post about this at all bc its been said and done to death but it need to get it outta my head so i can stop thinking about it HAHA but im sure yall are sick of pricing talk so if youre gonna get annoyed then just look away lmaooo

not like the tip thingy completely makes sense when u think about it for more than two seconds bc most designers are sole designers on normal dolls idk maybe its for their namesake shoutout on the teenie tiny card on the back of the box LMAO

but like other than the detachable body, embroidered wings and bendy stand, theres not much extra to corazon that makes her an extra 20-30$,, imo at least idk. at least shes cutie. maybe the box too but i mean once the doll comes out to be displayed u really cant use their "most innovative, two-part packaging design yet" anymore lmfao

also i own both lenore and corazon and i really like both of them a lot. plus i may be one of of the few ppl that actually like lenore's design (?) obviously most ppl were mad about her price (which i will not blame u for bc yeah for the average fan its uhhh yikes)

i think most normal MH dolls share around the same details and cost production and whatever else that collector dolls do so i dont really understand how a 25-30$ event doll (monster ball/monster fest) can be half the price of a boring ass skullector doll in certain cases HAHA (annabelle they can never make me like u)

im assuming the pricing mainly just comes from the accessibility of it, like since its collector theres only a limited amount which i can make sense of, just yk,, not so much if the doll doesnt LOOK worth 75$ lol

i usually justify doll prices around their clothing intricacy (and accessories if applicable) and looking at other creations dolls she and lenore really fall more or less in line with like the howliday girlies i think ? around 45$ maybe

also Djinni Whisp had that detachable gimmick in her SDCC twopack w keiran valentine and from what i can find i think that originally sold for around 40$ ?? adjusted for inflation thats still around 55$ though but keep in mind that was still a 2pack SDCC exclusive so like,, hmmm yk ?

like even stitched in style frankie is super intricate with a bunch of different fabrics and accents and a unique dress pattern and shes only at 50$ so like,, designer series at 75 ?? how pft

and the skullector horror dolls are 65$ which again probably comes from limitability and movie tie-ins.

i dont really think rave-n dance wednesday is worth 25$ more than normal school uniform wednesday in the slightest but idrc about that one as much personally lmao (i have both of these tho)

the hocus pocus sisters are 125 which equates to around $42/doll which i think is pretty reasonable. around the same price as the Netflix dolls as opposed to the other skullectors at 65$. personally think the shoes look pretty cheap but their hair and face molds are completely unique so idk. if i was a diehard fan of hocus pocus i would probably have stronger opinions on them but the 42 per is a win imo for them

but also tho? theres so many dolls that are so unevenly priced its so odd going through the creations website HAHA young-hee is SO basic like go girl give us nothing !! normal core series dolls at 25$ have a better outfit than that LMAO that nefera and cleo monster mysteries are basically 30$ each and their outfit is so cool

and i dont wanna hear any "if you dont like it then dont buy it" truthers bc ? yeah obviously ?? i dont buy any doll that i dont like, i still dont have g3 ghoulia or any neon frights doll bc i dislike the designs so much despite my crave to 100% my g3 collection lol.

howliday cleo is an abomination LMAO so much goddamn gold and that dress ? she looks like a bell i cant stand it😭

i adore g3 catty and most ppl hate her core outfit (amongst other things🙄) but i really like it which is why i have her. in terms of the new fang vote, i do actually like the dress design but it is way too close to her normal doll concepts its kinda ehh to me ? mainly just bc of pricing bc once again fang votes being 90$ is absurd to the highest degree lmfaooo. i'll wait to see how the voting turns out but mainly due to the price i most likely wont get it but so far it looks pretty good

i wasnt a big enough fan of nightmare before christmas to buy those goobers either. i loveee the corpse bride movie but tim burton's style (to me) looks so bad on MH dolls it weirds me out,, so i wont get emily either lmao. i like the worm earrings but the rest of the outfit looks kinda plain idk. like it looks like her but its kinda boring or smth i cant put into words

if i liked g1 ghoulia more i wouldve gotten ghoulexe and dead fast, but i dont so i didnt (although the designs were pretty good)

im not a fan of rupaul but the dragon queen doll looks really good and detailed. i never wouldve gotten her myself bc of how much i highkey dislike ru but my dad got it for cmas so now its in my room AHAH

honestly think outta fright operetta is way too much given that she looks like a normal ass g1 line doll and not even close to a collector designer special doll in any way and this is the first time ive mentioned her in public bc i still cant believe this is a fang club exclusive doll priced at 50$. this might be my least fave doll in the creations website bc of how lame it looks HAHA

im not even gonna touch the Off-White collab line because holy shit HAHA im pretty sure the entire price is just for the fucking box bc wdym 150$ ?? i actually really love the dolls i highkey want Symphanee Midnight like a lot but i could never justify that in my life bro HAHA. the other three are just kinda wtvr for me but the transparent skin and skeleton underneath is so fuckin cool oughhh

ik a bunch of people loved the fang vote jinafire but i personally cannot stand it 😭 like i really want to bc its such a cool concept but i think theres just SO much going on its so crowded. also i dont like g1 jinafires face screening which also plays into that. def a step up from fang vote rochelle but i was definitely not staying up late for the jinafire drop when it came out HAHA just my own personal opinion on that one tho i dont think ive seen anything negative on her so ik im the outlier here

all to say we as MH enjoyers still have the right to be disappointed in collector exclusive dolls and designs and prices tho, so maybe stop throwing that tired one-liner out idk HAHA i know its probably super annoying to see discourse around it all the time bc i personally start to get bored whenever i see another post about it every single time a new collector drops

but its fair to acknowledge that yeah it is absurd and obviously ppl are gonna be upset and thats okay and just bc this happens every month doesnt mean its enough cause to start attacking ppl in the comments about it (not that ive seen any but i know there are ppl that exist out there)

to get an idea that probably isnt needed, give insight into my yap i guess ? the mattel creations collectors i have are: Chucky and Tiffany 90$, both Wednesday dolls 40$ and 65$ (NOT enid), all three Midnight Runways 75$/ec, that new Eco Punk Venus 50$, Squid Games Young-Hee 65$, Mummy Majesties Cleo and Nefera 60$, Rupaul Dragon Queen 55$, both Dia De Muertos Skelitas 45$ and 55$, Howliday Clawdeen 45$, Lenore Loomington 75$, and Corazon Marikit 75$ (plus every creeproduction besides cleo/deuce if you count that 25$)

im running out of steam so i'll just say i think every single doll on mattel creations is AT MOST worth like 65$ and thats being generous bc i personally dont think any 13" doll should be more than maybeee $50 unless its like a handmade ooak or smth HAHA but yeah when we get up to 75-90$ price range its like okay what the hell are we doing now

in the grand scheme of things i can acknowledge that im lucky to say it doesnt ruin me that much and i only get slightly annoyed when a new one drops with an inflated price BUT i can totally understand how it can affect others that cant afford to drop that much on a PLASTIC DOLL so im never gonna sit here and say its not a big deal or that mattel is justified in that money steal

[rychardrider]

i actually liked/am more emotionally attached to catfa than catws (wasnt able to see catws in theaters so i saw it years later after everyone was done talking about it and i love it!!! but idk catfa just has more sentimental value to me) so like as a catfa stan i just wanna say even going from catfa directly to endgame doesnt make the movie make sense from Steve’s POV

so you have preserum steve who tries to enlist 5 times because “there are men laying down their lives i got no right to do any less than them” which shows that he is not content with staying in the sidelines, he argues about it with bucky! it establishes his core characteristics, along with:

“I don’t like bullies I don’t care where they’re from” - combined with the above, it means he will always do the right thing and the right thing is standing up to injustices no matter who’s committing them

“did you have something against running away” “you start running they never let you stop” - he will always face the problem head on

and “i can do this all day” but people have talked about it a lot already so im going to focus on the first two points

of course he shouldn’t be expected to fight all his life, he deserves retirement BUT living in the past isn’t retirement, instead it shows steve running away from the present. if you go by the russos explanation he escapes to an alternate universe where everything is alright and literally leaves everyone else to deal with the consequences of a post-snap world. just because he’s tired and doesn’t want to deal with it???? idk by that logic everyone should be able to break the rules of time travel to run away to an alternate universe where everything is fine it’s just that steve was the only one who got the opportunity to do it. anyway the bottom line is steve ran away

and not only that, he chose to live in the past knowing that he’s not allowed to interfere with anything. it means he’s literally living in the sidelines for 70+ years, that’s he’s content to just sit and watch tragedies and big world changing events and just so much death and NOT do anything about it at all. im not saying that he should be in the thick of it and save everyone, im saying that he willingly chose to put himself in circumstances that don’t allow him to interfere. he’s ok with doing nothing about 70+ years of injustices happening right in front of him

if steve rogers really was that man at the end of endgame he never would have become captain america in the first place because he wouldn’t have tried to enlist multiple times and been on esrkine’s radar, who btw specifically said “it’s not the exams that interest me, it’s the five tries”

idk it just feels like people who say catfa supports the endgame ending literally only watched the scenes with peggy in them and ignored everything else lol. anyway just wanted to say that catfa establishes steve’s core characteristics and endgame betrayed that in the worst possible way (ALSO had steve said hail hydra. it wasn’t ok in the hydra!cap comics a few years ago, it’s not ok now and NEVER will be ok)

[weirdmageddon]

five years too late let’s analyze this. the commentary has gotten me back into gravity falls reigniting thoughts and insights i came to years ago

i love everything about this commentary in general it hits the points of humor, genuine analysis of the characters, but most of all im so glad hirsch addressed that the droid not detecting any fear from dipper here doesnt make any scientific sense because that was a massive CinemaSins moment for me

IDK the fact that dipper can fucking stand after an airship crash because theres a bigger threat at hand is literally one of the defining capabilities owed to adrenaline lol...... IM SORRY im a biopsychology student if i dont point that out iwill seethe and die because that was just . its a grudge ive held for a long time about this episode but didnt rant about because it was something so minor and i’m sure nobody would care.

i was 13 when this episode came out and i’m almost 19 now, i had a special interest in biology and i still do but now i’m actually having college classes in biopsychology so i can give my arguments more oomph now. and i have to say, now that i know more about the brain and autonomic nervous system the more this scene bugs me, if that was even possible. and it says a lot of dipper and ford’s relationship.

if dipper clearly wasnt calm before, why would he be now just because he’s put up an outwardly confident facade? before he was in the flight but now hes in the fight. my boy just rode on top of a spaceship by nothing but a magnet gun that could detach at any time if it failed and then the ship crashed, he sustained injuries, is in emotional turmoil because he thinks his uncle is Fucking Dead and the threat of a security droid that detects adrenaline is on his tail and produces a Big Fucking Gun in response to dipper saying “i hAvE a MaGNeT gUn” and hes screaming and has his teeth clenched but sure there’s no adrenaline coursing through his body in that moment i can totally believe that

when dipper asks what happened, ford says “the orb didn’t detect any chemical signs of fear, it assumed the threat was neutralized and self-disassembled” but i don’t think measuring someone’s heartbeat alone is particularly relevant in detecting ... chemical signs of fear?? they dont really tell you this shit but noradrenaline (and maybe adrenaline too if the acetylcholine from sympathetic outflow always activates the adrenal medulla??, theres two pathways) is always active in small quantities to make sure your parasympathetic nervous system doesnt slow your heart to dangerous levels on its own, regardless of your emotions. it’s just a homeostatic mechanism. your sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems are CONSTANTLY modulating control of your organs on a see-saw, literally with every breath you take. simply standing upright causes specialized mechanoreceptor neurons in blood vessels to signal your brain to project signals to release catecholamines via the sympathetic nervous system to constrict your blood vessels so that blood is able to reach your brain and not pool in your legs. i have a deficiency in my body’s ability to adapt to this which is why i know so much about it. if i stand up my heart races to compensate. i’m not feeling fear, my body is just adjusting—albeit grossly and incompetently lol.

but what im saying here is that the security system is flawed. it’s a cool idea to have security droids detect fear, but in practice by detecting adrenaline, and not even directly by detecting the molecule itself—it’s done in a roundabout way by reading the heartbeat, could be a recipe for false alarms. like what if someone’s on beta-blockers. that’s not really an adequate way to measure “fear”; there’s so many variables that could interfere with the measurement the farther you abstract from what you’re really trying to detect. and besides, adrenaline is NOT just a sign of fear, it’s just for preparing the body for action. i know the sympathetic nervous system and adrenaline is constantly linked with the “fight-or-flight” reaponse to a stressor, but 99.9% of the time the sympathetic nervous system is used in your life is to balance out your parasympathetic nervous system to maintain homeostatic equilibrium for mundane things.

i think detecting amygdalar activation would be more efficient in detecting fear. the amygdala sends projections to the hypothalamus which then in turn modulates the autonomic nervous systems. but the amygdala is intensely activated specifically in response to a fear-inducing stimulus (it does activate in response to other emotions but they’re mostly negative and is most activated by startle and fear), and wouldnt be highly activated by many other confounding variables like measurement of the heartbeat could be. the amygala is one of the first stops directly from external stimuli.

to show you how integrated the amygdala is as the first step in registering fear after receiving input from sensory stimuli let’s look at the auditory-amygdala connection for example

see how the auditory thalamus projects to the primary auditory cortex and auditory association cortex? the cortex is where conscious awareness of what the stimuli is comes from. this is the “high road”. it goes sensing -> perception -> emotional response. but sometimes you can be startled without even processing what it is you’re sensing, like the startle response of an alarm or a phone ringing in a quiet house before you even register what it is. this goes sensing -> emotional response, without perception happening until after you’ve already felt the startle. that’s when it takes the “low road”. here’s a simplified version:

even if that were the case with these droids though it’s obvious dipper is still fearful on some level here. his body language, voice, expressions all give it away. for the amygdala, aggression isnt too off from fear so it would be detected equally.

the reason this is so important is because ford uses this as evidence for why dipper is special, “i did it?” “you did it. this is what i was talking about, how many 12 year olds do you think are capable of doing what you’ve just done?”

but like....did he really? i’m not saying this to shoot dipper down or make him out to be more of a wuss, he was incredibly strong-willed here and i dont want to take that away from him because it WAS growth on his part. but the underlying psychophysiological reactions of aggression and fear shouldn’t be that different and this was a total asspull. maybe the droid was so old that it fucked up. maybe dipper being covered in grime and dirt made it harder for the droid to measure the correct heart rate through photoplethysmography (im assuming since they use a camera and are non-contact).

and in all honesty everything i just said brings into question the interpersonal healthiness of ford’s judgements, what he thinks, his expectations, and how he communicates that. in this video alex already talks about how ford is projecting onto dipper. and i think ford may be projecting his expectations for himself onto people who are not him, and the fact that it’s on dipper here makes it far more unfortunate. you realize how much this boy idolizes ford, right? how much impressions matter? dipper even tells himself before he leaves in this same episode, “all right dipper, this is your first big mission with great uncle ford. don’t mess this up.”

even though it’s unstated, the implicit message dipper is perceiving from ford based on their dynamic is: “do you have what it takes for me to be proud of you?” and to accomplish this he must be like ford, even though he’s clearly not and he knows this. he says “i don’t think have what it takes. i was tricked by bill, i was wrong about stan’s portal, heck, i can’t even operate this magnet gun right.” then, by simple chance without even knowing what he did, he activates the magnet gun and pulls out the adhesive, which immediately takes the focus away from what dipper was telling ford about his feelings of inadequacy to ford saying, “yes! dipper, you found the adhesive!”

these thoughts of dipper’s hang in the air without resolve or comment from ford. we don’t know what ford would have said. but it then becomes painfully self-evident in the scene immediately after when the droids emerge and ford tells dipper, “they’re security droids and they detect adrenaline. you simply have to not feel any fear and they won’t see you”, to which dipper replies with an exasperated (and rightful) “WHAT?”

dipper goes in a panic trying to indirectly tell his uncle that this isn’t something he can do. and he is completely right and valid to be freaked out by that full stop. that IS crazy. you can’t control your fear. you can control how you interpret that fear in your higher brain regions but the physiological changes will stick around for longer than it takes to cognitively calm down. it’s easy for me to detach from my emotions to analyze them, but being able to do this does not come naturally for everyone. even i have an irrational fear of wasps and i can’t control it by detaching myself, my body is just automatically primed to get the fuck out of there. i know it’s stupid and i know it’s irrational and isn’t helpful to get myself worked up but i literally can’t stop how my body reacts no matter how i cognitively think about it. expecting composure from dipper in a situation like this when he’s being made to consciously be aware of his anxiety is absolutely fucking insane. look what you did, placing these cruel expectations on him, now he’s afraid of being afraid! this isn’t a case where two wrongs cancel out, they just stack on top of each other.

there’s a good reason these scenes were put side by side but it seems up until now it had remained unanalyzed.

what dipper fears from ford is disappointment. not living up to his uncle’s (quite frankly badly placed) expectations for a twelve year old with anxiety. not once did ford say or subliminally communicate “i don’t expect you to be able to do what i can since you are not as experienced as i am and that’s perfectly okay, no judgements”. you don’t put a child on bike before training wheels. you don’t throw a kid into a swimming pool without giving them swimming lessons. the way ford is doing it, there’s no room for trial and error or mistakes that are an opportunity to grow and learn; instead, it’s life or death. he only seems to pride dipper on what he can do while ignoring the underlying struggles that plague him and never making it known it’s okay for dipper to fail in front of his hero and that he won’t think anything less of him for it.

and that’s why i found the ending scene for dipper and ford’s adventure in this episode to feel so.. wrong. on a scientific and social level. because by the sound of it ford focused more on what dipper had done to dismantle the droid (the droid not detecting any fear) instead of how dipper displayed love and protection for him even if he was truly afraid. what if the science was accurate and the droid detected adrenaline while dipper was confidently standing up for his uncle. would ford still be proud of him regardless?

[helianthus-tarot]

hi! how are you!!!

i wanted to drop here my nosy opinion about tarot and psychics. (im tarot reader myself and i wanna rant a little bit). im sorry for my english in advance.

first of all i hate when tarot readers/psychic are so sure of what they say. i mean its not wrong to trust ones intuition, but some readers are saying "its 100%percent truth" and they are biased in their readings, and when you kindly tell them that you dont agree, they throw tantrums. even right now — there is war in Ukraine, and some "psychics" got "vision" how 3rd world war is gonna be like and which countries are going to be nuked!!!!!! lol? they are making their audience umnecesary scared and terrified. they are being "helpful" by providing safety intructions for people in danger zone??? i mean why you making unnecessary panic???

i think divination/tarot doesnt predict events like this, and even if you try to predict things like world situation you should base your opinion on logic, history and facts, not your "random visions"

second of all, sometimes i come across "tarot readings/psychic readings" about celebrities spouses. some people and readers has gone crazy and are making horrific scenarios about couples? like they are so sure that one of spouses cheat or be toxic or have health condition or die???? what the fuck are you dumb? people has lost their mind, its tragedy and they use it as "enertainment". and tgere are plenty of questions like: what will he feel when his wife dies, will he fuck anotger girl when his wife dies or other bullshit like this. shame and disgust ☠

whats your opinion? xoxox

Hii! Don't worry about your English, I'm not a native speaker so I don't mind really, as long as I can understand you haha.

"I hate when tarot readers/psychic are so sure of what they say"

I mean yes it's good to be confident in your intuition, but I also don't like it when readers act like God. They act as if, if the querent doesn't follow their advice, then the querent will definitely not get X or Y. Like... are you the creator of the Universe or something. It's fine to say things like "oh if you don't take appropriate actions, the manifestation may be delayed" or something like that as long as it makes sense. But don't say it like "you definitely won't get this thing if you don't do what I said".

"I think divination/tarot doesn't predict events like this, and even if you try to predict things like world situation you should base your opinion on logic, history and facts, not your "random visions""

I'm not going to dismiss the possibility that predictions can be made using divination and astrology, but then again, just because it can be done, it doesn't mean it will definitely work when any random person does it and it doesn't mean we should do it. For things like wars, especially if the reader won't be affected by it much, it's irresponsible to do readings on it. People can panic, plus it's insensitive. And you are right, with global issues like this one it's better to rely on logic, history and facts.

"some people and readers has gone crazy and are making horrific scenarios about couples"

It's not impossible to see that kind of people in the spiritual community. I mean... a science bro could say that everyone in this community is delusional just on different levels hahashs, but imo some people really take it too far. They cross that line between reality and delusion, and they don't try at all to stay grounded. It's worrying sometimes. They ascribe everything that comes to their mind to spirituality, and then they start talking shit, no analysis, no desire to explore the opposite, just full force accepting YES THIS IS TRUE because I say so.

I've never been into celebrity readings. If they take it that far maybe they should start writing fanfics instead of playing with tarot.

Inbox me your opinion(s) about tarot readings, tarot readers, or tarot querents (READ RULES)

[honestlyandrogynousnightmare]

magic reveal

So ive been thinking about the magic reveal we did get and also the different magic reveals we COULD have gotten so i thought id project all my thoughts into another massive tumblr rant:

personally, i dont think the magic reveal was bad at all. yes, i wouldve done it slightly differently, i think it was done way too late in the show and left little time to explore how that reveal affected merlin and arthurs relationship, and obviously we never actually ended up seeing if magic was legalised and all. but i dont hate the magic reveal we got. the key part i really love is that it was done on Merlins own terms, he could have just lied, but instead he finally told Arthur the truth and i think that there were many reasons for that decision being made. 

firstly, Merlin definitely felt guilty and blamed himself for Arthur being stabbed, he must have at least partly blamed himself because everything he did directly led to Mordred turning into a little shit. Part of him might have just felt as if he owes Arthur that explanation yknow. secondly, i feel like by that point he was tired of lying in general, he needed to get that secret off his chest. those two things combined with the fact that Arthur was dying may have pushed him to telling the truth,  because deep down he did know that it was probably the last chance to tell Arthur the truth. 

i liked how they presented Arthurs reaction too, the clear message there was that Athur was angry at the lying, thats the part he saw as betrayal, not the magic itself. he didnt want to believe that Merlin was a liar, when he always saw him as the one person that was entirely honest with him. hell, he still trusted him enough to send him back to Camelot and Gwen so he knew Merlin wasnt evil. If the writers actually did a good job at developing Arthurs character, i feel like itd be more obvious that Arthurs stance on magic was different from his fathers, but yknow bbc and their shoddy writing. I love that moment of acceptance as well, when he tells Merlin that he doesnt want him to change. He doesnt even now about all the things Merlin sacrificed and lost in order to protect Arthur and Camelot but he still accepts him. I think that when he first fund out it was all like “holy crap i dont even know him” but after spending a few hours with Merlin he realises that its still the exact same person he knew the week before. 

anddddd as much as i like the way they did that magic reveal, the ending of the show left me with no closure and a lot of tears. my ideal magic reveal wouldve happened earlier, either at the start of season 5 or near the end of season 4. It would give us a chance to see them talk it out, and god we know that there would be arguing, and if arthur wasnt dying he would probbaly be shouting but the key part here is that arthur wouldnt hurt merlin. i think he culd consider sending him away if his father was still king just to protect him but we all know merlin would reply with “no <3″. but since i cant see the reveal happening when uther is king, i will be ignoring that scenario. and again, theres many ways this could play out.

the one way that ive always found interesting was arthur figuring it out on his own, because he may be an idiot, but hes not stupid. *if you like this sort of thing read “so close and im halfway to it  on ao3, its a merthur fic and the magic reveal in that one makes me cry so much and the fic is so well written* I feel like at one point, he would just put the pieces together, and it would all make so much sense to him? Merlins random disappearances and scars would make sense, the luck he had when it came to fights, Merlins weird reactions when someone mentioned magic, how on earth merlin of all people managed to survive every battle and fight arthur was in when some of his best knights didnt. 

then theres the very cliche “merlin using magic mid battle to save everyone” reveal. because its mid battle, i really cant picture them talking it out there lol,  i picture a lot of ignoring but also if other people saw him using magic, we all know the first thing arthur would do is give the knights a good old “if you kill him i will kill you and then myself”, it wouldnt be until later that they would actually talk. 

and then like the canon magic reveal, theres Merlin doing it on his own terms. i personally really like thhis one because it gives him so much more control over the situation and over his words. *another fic rec here if you like this sorta thing, its called “to the world that let you by” and its really beautiful and made me cry at 1am so there you go, and as you guessed it, its another merthur*. i love this reveal because it gives merlin a chance to explain, and arthur a chance to listen and try to understand. 

now there are loads of different sub categories that could go into those, like Arthur finding merlin creating butterflies out of thin air lol, but i wont go into those. whatever reveal would happen, i feel like “the talk” after would usually end up in a similar way. Arthurs reaction would be similar to what we got in the canon reveal, because the actual magic isnt what would hurt most.  it would be the lies. Arthur has been lied to and betrayed by so many people you cant really expect him not to react badly to being lied to. the magic sure would confuse him and put him in a difficult position, because you have to keep in mind that his entire life he has been told that magic is pure evil, and to him, merlin is the polar opposite of that. i think it would just make him question everything, like does he even know this man? has he won any of his battles or has it always been merlin? why is he in camelot? why would a sorcerer be serving him? but he wouldnt hurt him. he wouldnt even consider that imo, sure, he will demand an explanation, but he wouldnt actually thin about hurting him. 

and merlin would understand why hes angry about the lying, that much is obvious. and he would be reluctant to tell arthur about the things that were happening behind his back all those years, but he would be honest. and go that conversation would be hard for both of them, i cant really imagine them having it without a lot of crying, shouting and even more wine tbh. arthur isnt good at listening which is why this would be so hard for him too, but merlin has to be honest, completely honest with arthur for the first time in his life and thatd be difficult. 

and i think merlin would handle arthurs reactions well, even if arthur decided to lose his temper lol. but i can still imagine him being a bit bitter if arthur judged his choices and stuff when it came to poisoning morgana and freeing the dragon, asking what on earth HE would do in that situation. where the only choices he sees are bad ones, and he has to pick the one thats least evil. 

arthur would probably be most pissed off at the thing about his mother tbh, because merlin outright lied there, usually its just deflecting but he made that deliberate choice to lie. but i really do think he would understand all of this, while not every choice merlin did was good, he did it with good intention. 

and then arthur would remove the ban on magic and they would kiss and get married amd live happily ever aft-

thanks bbc.

anyway if you want any more magic reveal fics (or links to the ones i mentioned, ao3 can be bloody annoying sometimes) feel free to comment or message me or anything, i have a couple more in my bookmarks. 

thanks for reading this rant, scuse the bad grammar, id love to hear your thoughts and opinions on this and magic reveals in general so feel free to comment! have a great day<3

[alright--okay]

you ever been to a basement show? pt. 1

tsukishima kei x reader

summary: Tsukishima sees you everywhere, and for a big school thats weird. And it’s not like he’s gonna do anything, that’d be even weirder, but one day in your shared lecture he sees you wearing a shirt with some small band’s name. A band he know. And well, now he has to know who you are.

word count: ~1.5 k

a/n: this is college au where Tsukki is basically into really indie/alt music and so are you so you guys start as like concert buddies/friends and grow as more. I started this a while ago and have been posting to ao3 but I’m trying to find motivation to write more so imma start posting to tumblr lol hope anyone reading enjoys <3

read on ao3!

pt. 1 Polite Company - Rainbow Kitten Surprise

Tsukishima saw you everywhere, it didn’t make any sense. If the University of Tokyo was so big, why was he seeing the same girl all around campus?

Particularly in his one stupid archeology elective. The class was a joke compared to everything else he was taking but it gave him a break from his other more intense courses and he wasn’t about to refuse the opportunity to slack off. You were not only in the large lecture portion of the class but also in his recitation, meaning he saw you three times a week, not including the glances he caught of you just from walking around.

And he wasn’t stalking you (he swears), it’s just that you were … everywhere. Sitting in the last row of the lecture hall (just a few seats to the right of him), waiting for the TA outside the classroom for recitation (usually on your phone), or doing work in the student center as he passed through (always with your headphones on, always).

He had no clue who you were. You most probably weren’t an archeology major like himself, he would have seen you in the intro classes or any of the higher-level courses. Yeah, Tokyo was big but he could at least recognize some other people in the major, and he had never seen you in the three years he had been attending the University of Tokyo. Or at least didn’t notice you before, but that also seemed unlikely.

Today was no different. The lecture portion of the course was a little too early for anyone’s liking, so Tsukishima went to take his usual seat in the back row, ready to half pay attention, half play on his phone. You were already there, headphones atop your head as you continued to look at your phone, the faint sound of music escaped the padding by your ears but it was too muffled to make out an actual beat.

Tsukishima said a quick “excuse me” as he moved to step over your legs and bag on the ground. You remained quiet, giving a polite smile as you tucked your legs in, attempting to give him more room to pass. That’s when he caught sight of your sweatshirt. Normally he paid no mind to what you, let alone anyone, was wearing but the bubbled blue outline of the word “Forests” gave him pause. That was a band. That was a small band. How the fuck were you aware of their presence.

Tsukishima quickly made his way past you as he realized he really shouldn’t be staring at your chest (even if it was just to read your sweatshirt, he swears). He tried to nonchalantly maneuver his way into one of the old lecture hall seats a few down from yours before quickly pulling out his phone.

No way is it the same Forests, he thought as he brought up the band’s website and quickly scrolling through there merch.

Starring back at him was the same fucking sweatshirt. That meant you knew this band, this tiny band. He was so used to being alone in his music taste. Akiteru only listened to what was on the radio and Yamaguchi entertained Tsukishima when he went on rants about music and bands, but he didn’t really listen to any of it. Tsukishima had come to accept that his music-listening experience was mostly gonna be reserved for laying in his bed alone, staring at the ceiling, and absorbing the lyrics. This was fine, he could still enjoy the music just fine. But … you knew some of his music.

~~~

Tsukishima tried to ignore the thoughts of you. He didn’t know you, you were a random person who just so happened to maybe, possibly listen to the same type of music as him. Who cares?

It was a little later in the week and Tsukishima was making his way to the recitation for this stupid elective. The TA, as usual, was late so Tsukishima made his way over to the wall to wait, his own pair of headphones supplying a flow of music.

When you made an appearance from around the corner, Tsukishima couldn’t help the extra attention he paid to your clothing. And god fucking damn it. That was a Mom Jeans shirt. There was someone who listened to the same music as him. Or at least similar. But that was enough for Tsukishima to decide he wanted to talk to you.

To yama:

i have a situation

From yama:

oh ?? care to elaborate ?

Tsukishima paused. This was weird, wasn’t it? He had never interacted with you besides the time he had to move past you to get to his seat. And the lecture was huge. Nobody talked to each other unless you were already friends or were in desperate need of notes. Tsukishima was in neither of those situations.

To yama:

okay so theres this girl and before you say anything no im not trying to ask her out but she was wearing a shirt for a band i listen to

From yama:

that you listen to? not to say youre some hipster indie boy…. but you tend to listen to v obscure music

To yama:

yea i know that thats why im kinda freaking out like do i say something?? and if i do say something what would i even say

From yama:

go for it !! if shes anything like you she probably doesnt get to talk about music much either so just bring up her shirt or something itll be fine tsukki

To yama:

yea ill think about it

Tsukishima put his phone away as someone held the door open for him. Apparently the TA arrived sometime while he was texting Yamaguchi so he quickly made his way into the classroom, taking a seat a few rows behind you.

He would talk to you.

Just not today.

~~~

After the recitation the day before, you had pushed your headphones back onto your ears as soon as the TA was finished and made your way out of the room, his eyes following as you did so. Tsukishima had gone back to his apartment only to be further interrogated by Yamaguchi. What band? There were multiple bands? Did he know you? What class was this again? Are you cute? That’s where Tsukishima cut him off, moving into his room to attempt some work.

It was now Thursday morning, meaning it was time for the second half of the lecture. He was gonna do it. Tsukishima was going to talk to you.

He walked into the lecture hall, you again were already sitting in your seat at the back. Tsukishima (calmly, obviously he was calm) walked over to your seat and sat beside you.

~~~~~~

Who the fuck was this guy?

Yeah, you had seen him around, but he never talked to you, or anyone else in the class for that matter. And yet here he was, sitting next to you and gesturing for you to take off your headphones.

“Can I help you?” you said, complying by slipping the headphones around your neck.

He took a small, almost hesitant pause, “I noticed your shirt the other day, you listen to Forests?”

Your eyes grew slightly wider, “You know who they are?”

“Um, yeah and I’m not used to people listening to the same music as me so I thought I’d … I don’t know … say hi? Introduce myself?”

“Well, you haven’t done a very good job on that plan so far,” you paused to give him a small smile, “just saying.”

Tsukishima gave you a smirk of his own, “Hi,” he emphasized, making you smile wider, “I’m Tsukishima Kei. And you are?”

“l/n y/n,” you replied, smile still in place. “So you listen to Forests. Anyone else I might know?”

Tsukishima paused for a moment, and you knew exactly what he was thinking. Bands you listened to every day were not necessarily what everyone else listened to (which let’s be real, understandable), so replying to a question like this meant either replying with more popular bands people had likely heard of or going full-on obscure and have the person stare at you in confusion. But after a moment, Tsukishima responded with his own small list.

“I know a couple of them actually,” you saw his mouth give a small uptick, probably not used to that response, “what-” The two of you were interrupted by the professor being the lecture, but you quickly turned back to the boy at your side, now in a quieter voice you asked, “what were the names of the other bands? I’ll look them up.”

Tsukishima slowly listed them off again as you typed them into your phone, excited to see what this random guy in your lecture listened to.

Time passed slowly as you and Tsukishima put your attention back to the material at hand, but as the class came to the end and the two of you were packing up your things, your mind drifted to the coming weekend.

Yeah, you just met the guy, but it couldn’t hurt to ask. He seemed kinda nice after all, and he’d probably be into it.

“Hey Tsukishima,” you called to get his attention, “you ever been to a basement show?”

[freunwol]

im literally just gonna paste my rant in a doc i made for a shipping chart cuz i feel like this has been my opinion for a long time and its salient

Phan <-> Lumi: ok lemme just explain myself cuz they really dont like each other much in canon aside from some like brief moments of lol we get each other even if i hate you B U T those little moments? The implications? There is much there and id have to write a standalone thing but the gist of my interpretation/hope is? Lumi can kind of tell that phan is really hiding something/lying about his bravado and doesnt know how to address it, so he just gets frustrated at phans bullshit while being too scared of confrontation/awkwardness to actually call it out. The hope part is his hope that maybe he can find a moment to finally get phan to be genuine for half a second beyond when hes angry. Phan knows lumis too smart to entirely fall for his thing, but hes not just gonna lower his mask cuz someone can tell its a fucking mask. He keeps egging him on in the hope that it makes lumi so mad at him that he loses interest and leaves him alone, and is just more and more frustrated that he has like...any patience. I feel that at their cores, they do really care about each other, but the way they are is keeping them from expressing that at All so they both just jab at each other, mutually frustrated that they cant be genuine.

This is part of why i hate hom actually!!! That fight scene? Lumi would never be so fucking fast to be like “lol we didnt finish our fight from last time” or repeatedly call phantom petty????? He would never fucking say phantoms revenge was petty even if he disapproved?????????????? Phantom is literally the only person that lumi is ever snarky with/cold to and its only because phantoms hostile first?????????????????????????????? Lumis like generally a really way fuckin nice person but fanon treats him like an asshole because phantoms a jerk?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? I really REALLY feel like sometimes the writers just look at either fan material or promotional material for their characterizations and go ah yes, the full scope of the character, and go no further and thats how hom happened sdkjsghkfhgldfgsjkldh...i also mean by this that again, i think lumi cares and wants to be nice to phantom but phantom is just an edgy bitch and lumis just plays along so it doesnt get really awkward...literally they just have to get past that hurdle once and the dynamic would be SO good ;-; lumis a very nice person fanon does him so dirty

i hope this makes any sense its 3am

[cherryredicarus]

do you prefer writing with a blue or black pen? black

would you prefer to live in the city or the country? mm in the city, I'd visit the countryside tho

if you could learn a new skill, what would it be? instruments!! i would like to instantly be able to shred my guitar

do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? I usually only drink pre-made tea and i put creamer in my coffee

what was your favorite book as a child? probably milkweed by jerry spinelli or the secret identity of Devon Delaney... those two books could not being any different in subject matter if i tried fjdjfjd

do you prefer baths or showers? aesthetically, baths but i no longer have a tub so I'm rlly only taking showers yk

if you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be? okay get this: vampires

paper or electronic books? paper when possible! i like the feel of them in my hand

what is your favorite item of clothing? long t-shirts / my hoodies

do you like your name? would you like to change it? i like it well enough! my mom wouldve named me margreet otherwise, so i basically got stuck between two distinct European names sjsj

who is a mentor to you? any female English teacher <3

would you like to be famous? if so, what for? mmm in the social sense where my words and opinions have a larger platform and i'm listened to. if i ever made music, I'd probably want it to be from that

are you a restless sleeper? normally no,,,, but i fuck myself over during the school year and sleep in bursts so im up and doing homework at 4 am djsj.

do you consider yourself to be a romantic person? i focus on the romance of friendship so much oh my God

which element best represents you? probably air/earth. kind of spacey and free-flowing but patient and loyal yk

who do you want to be closer to? my family but also not bc i disagree with everything they say so... conflicted <3

do you miss someone at the moment? so many :( most notably my friend raina and my friend maggie

tell us about an early childhood memory when my cousin used to live with me, when i was like 4-6, she stopped sleeping in my room with me and only slept with her dad. some nights i snuck into their room and laid on the floor in the dark, listening to the sound of their breaths, letting it lull me to sleep. i usually only slept for a little bit and then snuck back out.

what is the strangest thing you have eaten? eh i mean pickled tomatoes? dried crickets?

what are you most thankful for? cheesy but L❤VE! for my pets and my friends i love them sm

do you like spicy food? usually! i prefer that the spice doesnt overpower the taste but i have been known to down a family sized bag of xxtra hot cheetos before.

have you ever met someone famous? literally no. my brother met arnold schwarzenegger tho

do you keep a diary or journal? did you mean: my notes app (but also i do keep a physical one for when im feeling more volatile and i need to personally write something)

do you prefer to use pen or pencil? pen

what is your star sign? my sun sign is capricorn

do you like your cereal soggy or crunchy? when i was younger i used to wait to eat my frosted flakes so it was soft and the milk was sweet djfjdj. but now i usually eat it crunchy

what would you want your legacy to be? mm, kindness in the face of the cruelty of the world

do you like reading? what was the last book you read? YES i love reading,,, however finishing something is totally different... im currently in the middle of reading stone butch blues and the foxhole court lol

how do you show someone you love them? literally all of the ways love is in everything i do :( but usually i tell them, im physically affectionate with them, i try to be super supportive, i become their sugar mommy, etc

do you like ice in your drinks? listen. if it's already cold. what does it need ice for.

what are you afraid of? my self destructive tendencies

what is your favorite scent? vanilla or tangerine

do you address older people by their name or surname? like in school, by their surnames. at my work, by their first names.

if money was not a factor, how would you live your life? donating to every gofundme i saw.... a cool two story house of my own.... traveling the world without stressing and planning meticulously

do you prefer swimming in lakes or oceans? seeing as ive done neither, uhh lakes?

what would you do if you found 50$ on the ground? if i knew who dropped it, return it. but if it's just randomly lying there uhh take it home and put it in my cash stash.

have you ever seen a shooting star? did you make a wish? no...

what is one thing you want to teach your children? *if*I have any- literally nothing is real. gender is a social construct. love and kindness are the only things worth anything.

if you had to get a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? OOOh skdk i remember @killjoylouis and i joking about getting matching rbb and sbb tattoos somewhere gay. i dont personally desire any tattoos of my own but im so down for matching ones

what can you hear now? silence...the floors shifting..

where do you feel the safest? my grandma's house

what is one thing you want to overcome/conquer? my lingering melancholy and disillusionment with the loneliness of adulthood.

if you could travel back to any era, what would it be? THE 70S!!! DISCO PARTIES!!! ABBA!! THE FASHION!!

what is your most used emoji? 🙄 (someone was ranting 2 me ab straight ppl earlier dkkd)

describe yourself in one word. tender

what do you regret the most? literally most of my childhood years... i was so lonely and bitter and i just wanted attention any way i could get it... sometimes i made ppl cry and didnt care and looking back on it now i want to go into a coma!!!

last movie you saw? vita & virginia

last TV show you watched? she-ra and the princesses of power (the 2018 reboot)

(i was tagged by @killjoylouis to do this heehee love u sm!!)

now I tag (optional): @calmvocals , @noahvsart , @highscal , @h-isforhome , @cliffoconda

[ardnassakseyer]

Oh... HI?

Hi there Tumblr friends, if I have any at all.. haha. Long time no fucking see. well... we all know what this means right? This means I’ve got a lot on my mind at 2:49 in the morning and everytime i have a lot to talk/rant about i come to... TAAADAAA.. TUMBLR!! Okay.. lets start off by saying idk wtf i want to talk about. Theres a lot. First ive been gone from tumblr for a while because i was working on my personal growth, i felt like it was going well until this QUARANTINE happened. Dont get me wrong, I am an extreme introvert, I am a homebody and i do have social anxiety so this has been a piece of cake for me and also kind of enjoyable ( the staying home of it all, not the “we might die if we catch the rona” part.) I am taking this very seriously and do NOT want anybody i love to catch this crazy virus or anyone reading this. Anyway we went off topic.. kinda. I was doing great.. some would say amazing? at this personal growth stuff. This RONA hit and we are forced to be locked up in our houses, which leads to crazy sleeping hours.. which leads to me being up at now 2:54 in the morning.. which leads to overthinking which leads to anxiety.. which leads to me being sad all over again over stuff I thought I put behind me. What a fucking mess. Let me start by saying not all of my personal growth has gone to shit. Number 1.. i have leared to let go and move on.. which is HUGE for me because i hate to say thiss.... i really do hate to say this.. I am a scorpio sign. I know... I KNOW what yall are thinking. NOT THIS ASTROLOGY SHIT. but hey... hey.. let me be!!! I am a scorpio, we as. ive heard and read and studied like to hold grudges and love revenge. scary right? true? kinda. I do in fact hold grudges A LOT. i will hold them for years and maybe forever. if you do me wrong, i feel bad for you because I am not the one you should come to when you want forgiveness. I simply dont care. you did me wrong.. im not going to give you a second chance to fuck me over again. PERIOD. anyways that was the old me haha. The new me has learned to let shit go and move on. Thats my new motto. Next, number two i believe. I have been more independent. who would have fucking thought!!!!! I like to keep to myself now, i get shit done and i dont care if you want to go with me or not, im going anyway. i have taken control of my life. yaaaaaaaaay! those are two of the major things that i have really developed. The twist to all of this is that some of that has plummeted.. not all of it but some. I feel lonely. ah yes... loneliness is awful. in my opionion atleast. I miss having friends. i have a friend, but shes rather busy being a new mom these days, and i understand! I love my new little nephew. But i miss having a friend to go over to, to talk for hours with, to text, to call, to laugh with. to send memes and tik toks too. i miss it, i do. (im taking friend applications).. no seriously. lol anyways thats been the biggest blah of this all. I see people doing zoom calls with their friends haha and just idk still having fun in this crazy time with other people and what have i been doing? College assignments, lots of eating :( and just bingewatching series on netflix. IT sucks sometimes. and this is the place where i can type and type and type and i dont care if anyone reads it because no one truly knows me here.. and i can say whatever i want even if it doesnt make sense. so i just wanted to come on here and type shit that might not even be relatable or get a lot of reposts or attention at all because thats not why i write these texts.. i just wanted to get on here and rant about how much is in my head. so this is what i had to say and im just going to press post now.. lol hope yall had fun diving into my brain for 10 min lmao or however long this takes for someone to read because its so fucking long!!! i promise to try and post more or maybe not, idk we will see IM AN ADULT. i do what i want, or i like to think i am hahaha. ok bye lmao DISCLAIMER: I didn't proofread this, there might be lots of run on sentences, the “i” might not be capatalized and a lot of typos/spelling errors!!! as a english geek... this will be horrifying when i go back and read all of this, as the normal me at now 3:13 in the morning, i give zero ducks. i mean fucks. hahaha bye.

[doyouevenshipbr0]

gruvia drabble

author’s note: i get inspired by the most insignificant little things and i have no idea where im gonna go w this fic but...... juvia is so BEAUTIFUL omfg n i literally just wanna write a fic ab gray appreciating that. that’s it lmao. enjoy my loves!!!<333

**another note: haha oh ok it turned into something kinda rly different! its fine ig! psa im ab to kinda rant so u can skip this if u want!! if u wanna read this part it might be better to do it after u read the fic???? these arent spoilers its just kinda behind the scenes of ig.. ok so i try to think of gruvia in the most realistic sense possible. i incorporated gray having crushes bc simply, i think its true. i think gray had a crush on erza and lucy. i also think gray didnt fall in love w juvia at first sight lmao. i think it took a lot of time for gray to understand what juvia meant to him. also i find it INFURIATING that gray has never commented on juvias looks lmaooo (to my knowledge). like he said lucy and erza were pretty (at least in the anime) and literally all i want is for gray to acknowledge how fuckin BEAUTIFUL juvia is ongogmgogm. ok ok yes he commented "you're mine" and said "ur body is something i care about" and a whole lot of other romantic things but he has never made a comment solely on juvias looks and ik looks dont matter and im sure its hard for gray to even think ab juvias looks considering all the personality she has but literally all i want is a "ur cute". like thats all i need lmao. my girl needs recognition for being the most beautiful person EVER!! so yeah this fic is me trying to process how gray sees juvia, and even tho he doesnt say it, i can at least tell myself this is his thought process lmaooo. ((he also prolly doesn't say shes cute cus it would be way too embarrassing for him considering he has like actual real feelings for her)) ok ignore me literally typing word vomit lol pls enjoy ilysm. (((this rant is longer than the fucking fic. i cri.))))

*

Gray always had crushes.

It was normal, but Gray never really reflected on it until now.

First, there was Erza. They were just kids. When she first joined the guild, Gray thought she was weird, but he soon found out she was much more than that. She challenged him. Not only physically, but mentally and emotionally too. He wanted to figure her out. She had a complexity that he never experienced before, and he was intrigued by it. Soon, the curiosity of the pretty girl with the scarlet hair molded into an admiration. He admired her beauty, her ability, and her heart, and the attraction just fizzled away over time.

Then, there was Lucy. This one was far simpler, and didn't hurt Gray's brain as much to try to comprehend. She was cute. She was quirky. She was a fresh face he saw around the guild. He couldn't deny the instant attraction he felt towards her, and he didn't necessarily try to fight it either. The bond was harmless, and Gray never expected anything to come from it, nor did he try to advance it in any way. She was just Lucy. A friend, a guildmate, and a teammate. While a part of him was inclined to make some sort of move, an even larger part of him didn't feel right about it. That small part that inquired for something more seemed to die out as well, and while he wasn't sure why at first, he was finally starting to realize what it was.

Finally, there's Juvia, who he would hardly ever consider a crush. Honestly, at first, nothing really struck him. She was pretty he supposed, but had an odd look. She had a dull personality. She was nothing special. Just another enemy to take out. That was all until their first fight came to an end. A piece of her did stand out to Gray, and it stuck to him. He wasn't sure why, but it did.

Then, time went on. Juvia's personality completely flourished, and it was like she became a whole new person. While Gray at first saw her mostly as an annoyance, it transformed into something completely foreign to him. He never knew how to place this feeling, and even now he still has trouble comprehending Juvia from time to time. While he wasn't sure how to feel about her, he did always know that she was something special. She was there for him like no one else was. She supported, helped, and loved him more than anyone. He was completely overcome by all of her. He was so overwhelmed by her love, it took him a long time to realize just how much he needed and cherished it. He needed that warmth in his cold, seemingly tragic life. While the people in his past died for him, she lived for him. He only recently realized that in some ways, that was much harder, and it was certainly much more meaningful.

She did have her faults though, as all people do. She was completely neurotic, clingy, emotional, short-tempered, dramatic, and just--well-- a weirdo, but...

he loved her.

He loved her strength, her devotion, her kindness, her optimism towards life, her enthusiasm, her humor (even when she didn't mean to be funny), and well- he just loved everything about her. Even the bits mentioned earlier that seemed not so great. He loved it all.

He had a hard time even calling Juvia a crush, truthfully. The way he felt towards her was far stronger than anything he'd felt for anyone else. Erza and Lucy held a place in his heart at one point, but now, Juvia was the whole thing. She owned every last part of it. It was a feat neither of the former girls possessed, and he didn't think anyone other than Juvia ever could.

And as he sat at a table across from the three women he ever had romantic feelings for in his life: Erza, Lucy, and Juvia, and pondered on these thoughts, he decided not only did Juvia have an amazing soul, she was damn beautiful too.

The strange thing was, Juvia was always pretty. But unlike his former crushes, he never really seemed to take the time to admire Juvia's looks. It was her personality that always stuck out to Gray.

But when he did take the time to sit and just look at her... wow. Erza and Lucy couldn't even hold a candle to her.

It was remarkable, honestly. She was nothing like any girl he had ever seen before. She was totally unique. Her hair was the perfect shade of blue that accompanied her perfect waves, making her mane resemble that of a beautiful ocean that he would absolutely love to get lost in. Her bangs fell perfectly over her hooded eyes that were coated in long lashes, and in them held a deep blue escape that were her eyes. Oh god, her eyes. They could tell you a whole story those damned things. Gray never had to ask her what she was feeling, because her eyes always said it all. Natsu was sitting beside him at the time, and said something that caused Juvia to laugh. Her plump, naturally pouted lips turned into a big beautiful grin in an instant. Gray wasn't sure what Natsu said, but it must've been pretty funny, because she then covered her mouth as she began to laugh even louder, and Gray was wishing she didn't hide behind her petite hands. After the laugh fest was over, she regained her composure and tucked an unruly blue lock behind her ear, and closed her mouth as her lips parted into a content grin, and just that small gesture shamefully drove Gray crazy. She was a masterpiece.

He decided he didn't stop to think about how breathtaking she was so much, because then it would turn into this. It became Gray relishing in every little detail Juvia possessed, and every mannerism she did. He never felt the need to look at a girl like that before, with such interest in detail. The feeling that took over when he really looked at Juvia was far too strong for him to comprehend too often. It was a feeling completely unfamiliar to him until he saw her. While his emotions about her were a lot for him to handle sometimes, he was thankful for it.

He was grateful for every last part of her.

"Gray-sama, are you alright?" She tilted her head ever so slightly, causing the tides of her hair to fall in a new, but beautiful way, and her eyes were filling with harmless concern. She must've finally caught him staring.

"U-uh yeah." He stammered. "I'm good."

"You're sure?" Her eyes began to flood with more worry, and she reached her hand across the table, holding onto his. Her soft, milky skin clashed with his rough feel, but they somehow fit perfectly together. He flinched at first, but instead of throwing a fit for his hatred of PDA, he decided he'd let their hands be. He wanted to take every part of her in right now.

"Yeah." He smirked, and slightly squeezed onto her hand, not caring about Natsu, Lucy, Erza, or anyone seeing them at that moment in time. She was all his. Not only was she his, but she was it. She was really the one.

"I'm just fine."

[macden]

[1/9] THIS IS SUPER LONG IM SO SORRY okay so like. hello haha i just read your post about how Something needs to happen and im here to rant if i may lol so like, im pretty new to the fandom so i wasnt here for when ddl came out but ive read enough posts and things to get where yall were at. i would see some of the sunny blogs while i was watching (so like i was already spoiled about brian jr lol but i got spoiled when i was watching like s4 so its whatever at this point) and i saw how everyone

[2/9] listed their reasons why dennis is not straight and stuff and i remember people mentioning dennis knowing about the rainbow. now, at first i was like. knowing about the existence of the rainbow doesnt sound like definite proof that he’s not straight lol like afterall, he owns a bar, so it’s not outside of the realm of possibility that he knows about other bars in philly lmao but then. BUT THEN i saw the episode lmao and like.

[3/9] similar to the “but he already knew you were gay, so it must be something else” in tends bar, we get a moment where mac assumes charlie knows what the rainbow is. but charlie doesn’t know what the rainbow is, which he makes pretty clear. it’s not a big deal at the time, but when dennis brings it up it raised a big red flag in my head lmao like. okay. you’re showing me there’s significance in mac knowing what the rainbow is but charlie doesn’t, then why does dennis know?

[4/9] like WHY does he know. i get yall now lol. there’s so many little things that are meant to distract the audience while also giving us information, which is one of the reasons i love this damn show kjnfks BUT ANYWAY (im sorry im ranting so much) im of the idea that dennis HAD to leave so that Something happens (just like you said!). ddl just proved it to me when i finally watched it lmao so. hear me out.

[5/9] we all know mac is delusional, no matter how much rejection he gets from his own parents he still believes they love him in their own way, so in his mind, it would make perfect sense for him and dennis to be a thing without having to acknowledge it per se. he gets him the rpg without any mention of it being non romantic (!!!), he makes their apartment the exact same and gets only bed (basically what u said lmao). so like. mac would be There.

[6/9] like he’s already there in the mindset of them being together for the rest of their lives. but this would just tank them. like dennis is going through a different process now with his meds and potential therapy. the fact he decided to try and be a good person by leaving for his son is a huge step for him. which also comes with him having to deal with his own reality, but thats another rant.

[7/9] for a storytelling standpoint, him leaving makes sense since he’s setting up something new for sunny: actual development. of course since it’s sunny it will most definitely blow up in his face and he won’t be able to be “a good man” by being “a good dad” because it’s just not in him. yet (maybe?). still, mac would never EVER date someone else if dennis was still in the picture. im like. 100% sure of this, which is what ddl showed me. sure, he’s ready to go at frank but it’s for money.

[8/9] mac wouldnt really *date* anyone else if dennis was still present in the gang. i dont think he would even feel the need to, which is why dennis had to leave. as a writer it makes sense so that they can explore out mac dating someone (!!) other than dennis. and also to possibly (maybe???) show dennis and how he’s re: mac as well. like, for us it’s easy to see that there’s something there, but your casual viewer won’t really see it unless it’s RIGHT THERE, which this situation also opens up. 

[9/9] listen. i can rant more LMAO but im scared at how long this became HAHA im so sorry. i got mega carried away lmao and i dont want to clog your inbox too much with my dumb thoughts rip my overall idea is just like yours: there IS something there, and Something will happen. i just stopped myself from going on another tangent about how rcg love to go off the typical tv tropes so like queerbaiting wouldnt really sound for them… plus the whole them being them thing… i should just leave…

first of all don’t apologize because you are SO fucking right this is excellent meta second of all fuck you i’m emo rcg have rlly written the best gay slow burn of all time….. they did That 

[haeroniel-doliet]

Hnghhh why does it require e f f o r t and p a t i e n c e and p r a c t i c e to get good at art????? I need to be good immediately and things i want to see appear at a snap of my fingers.......

Read more for what became an accidental full rant about why ive yet to post anything besides that one thing idkkkk

Aka im TRYING to be good and practice little by little but its BORING and difficult to not get immediate reward.... Also because for whatever reason i really dont wanna watch tutorials so im tryna be all self taught kinda and im OBVIOUSLY making a lot of mistakes like its part of the process but its FRUSTRATING

Basically im on my 6th??? Idk restart attempt at the same fennec portrait and its. Okay. Its at a point where im like nice as long as i suffer over the details here itll be decent ish. Probably.

But its not REWARDING.....

I know i want to do screencaps and character and face studies to get to the point of good art i wish i could be but .... I also just wanna draw like fun fic scenes and silly doodles of characters like some of the cool artists i follow do but i CANT because im not GOOD ENOUGH yet. ;(((((((

Yea i could post sketches or whatver i manage in a night but like who the fuck wants to follow that? Nah... I just idk. I DONT KNOW i dont know what my art goals are (i do, but DO I??)

My brain also obviously doesnt work very well visually which is GREAT so like, any original work its a lot like 'i'll know its right when i see it' but getting next to no other direction and you just gotta be like right. Okay uhhh my anatomy skills are stunted from when i was like 16?? Perspective?? Detail?? WHATS THE COLOR SCHEME

Never mind that i just... Dont understand the program or brushes that well idk why. Krita should be good and im too stressed to experiment different softwares.... BLEGH

i just. Part of me aches to go back to traditional for a bit but i just, dont have the means to make the scale of work i want ro produce with traditional materials yknow?? Maybe i should try just sketching scanning and then lining on computer again idk. At least for some of these face things.

Ok so my GOAL is to always have a very recognizable face. Like. I guess i cant hold myself to photorealism standards because hahahhah id die! But like, i want the face to be looked at and go ah yes! Its that guy! That actress! My friend! Me! Whoever! But like, recognizable. Because i know i CAN thats what i do! Thats all ive been good at !!!!

And like yeah i could hone that, yknow? Work on face studies and mini portraits of all my favourite actors and scenes and shit. Cool right?? Yeahh that could be sickaroni macaroni. People like faces they can recognize and good refined work. I can do that

But i want to be MORE

Id love love love to make like. Scenic paintings. Concept art level atmosphere and color and light and presence and as tory telling yknow?? Id like to substitute the literally colorless fog inside my head into vivid scenes. Id like to try and take the fics that in my head are set in ??? Space with some movement here and there and just idk emotions? Into fleshed out SCENES with backdrops and accurate anatomy and WEIGHT and like, everything incredible that i admire in true art.

But thats hard, yknow? I havent really ever done backgrounds and what i have have been so flat. I dont KNOW how to do that (here i would be willing to have a teacher i think but. Im tired. I cant even seek out a short term therapist for myself how am i gonna find the kind of teacher i want?? Because of course i want them to teach me how to achieve whata inside my dreams and not what they know how to do ykno)

Yeah so i want to try and paint screencaps in the meantime. See if i cant struggle my way to fit this putty of skill into a square box. Like i think i can paint. Digitally? Somewhat idk?? Maybe if i just. Keep trying itll work out?? Start with simpler ones and build up to complexity??

But also. If im juat trying to get myself to love art again, why am i trying to throw myself in the deep end of struggling with something im not good at?? Shouldnt i be just refining what i already know? Like. A character! Standing. Maybe in a cooler pose if going crazy. Refining basic anatomy. How does fabric work? How does hair work? Can i make expressions seem realistic?

Next step, could i make a picture of someone without direct reference?? Like. Could i draw maybe a wee dinluke holding eachother or whatever and like. Just. Do it?? Without doing a version of photoshopping two pics of the actors through art together. Idk.

Also NONE of this makes sense to anyone outside my head and im SORRY

Like i dont even have a resolution at the end here!!! Im just FRUSTRATED!!!

I wanna draw, i wanna have results and success and rewarding experiences. But i also want ro challenge myself and do super complex shit and like really push myself to learn impressive difficult shit and be proud of down the line.

Im so tired. I cant even feel ok drawing without having someone on call with me to alleviate the immense pressure of frustration and anxiety and stress and struggle!!

I just. Wanna enjoy it

Okay fine i need to find a show or smth to 'watch'

And tomorrow? I might whip out a sketchbook thats been last used 8 years ago and. Ignore everything in it hahhaha its bad

But no im gonna. Im gonna draw scenes. With minimal reference

I might make a face collage i definitely wanna for pascal and mar camel

But im gonna put PENCIL to PAPER and get to the roots of MY HAND CAN DRAW just give her a chance, and get your brain outta the game.

Ok so fuck me this rant has to end here or ill never stop

If you read this (i dont expect ANYONE to have) send me like a message or whatever lol imma need to ask if youre ok <3

[confusedpeach]

back 2 my roots,reflecting in a panny

Ok first of all reading through my old posts from high school is actually an amazing depiction of mental illness in real time. but i loved how i just went on my little rants on here. such a private and comforting space despite the mental illness. twitter is not better as many adult people i know form college follow me on there. high school me definitely reposted that dwight gif saying the airport is too crowded we need a new plague. like ok pain thats not funny anymore. 

my old posts are funny because im the same just less cringe which i guess is literally all i couldve asked for. and i still complain about the same things and have the same problems in my relationships. but its funny to be reaching the end of the road on how i expected my life to be because college always seemed so far away and weird and ive never been in the mood to keep on living. it also makes me think about how much of myself i lost to my exes!! i spent so many years deadass trying to make white men happy and letting the male gaze rule my life in one way or another it was genuinely so horrible. and i only am now coming into a more intense sense of self than ever before because ive been single for a year, which is the longest ive been single since i met my hs boyfriend and i started dating in 2014. like having a boyfriend that whole time was stupid as fuck and like dating experience is extremely valuable but god damn i just literally hate living my life to make any men happy and i shouldnt have done it for so long at such a precious time in my life. but whatever, it wasnt really my fault i was so young, can only learn that i dont want to live my life that way ever again. 

but the internet is exactly the same as it was on here so there was no point in leaving. we can use me trying to transition this blog from a emo fan blog to something that feels more suitable as a metaphor for my life. because i dont know how to move on from what ive always known despite it not being comfortable (emo fan blog) to something cool that 15 year old me on this stupid blog would enjoy (VISION: LESBIANS AND PLANTS????? WHAT ELSE??) need to stop being occupied with depression (LOL STILL DEPRESSED 8 YEARS LATER U STUPID BITCH???) but not sure how or what to be occupied with instead. i need to be occupied with chasing a bag not these dusty broke men. 2021 goals will be self fulfillment goals. 

2022 i will graduate college and LOLOLOLOL because what the actual FUCK am i supposed to do. this should prob be decided once on anti depressants because depressed people have 0 outlooks on life. but like wtf. my ~unstable~ childhood leaves me with little understood about life and being happy or anything to look forward to that doesnt suck.

obviously im only on here because I am single and not on anti depressants however at least I am acknowledging this pivotal moment in my life. its actually not pivotal unfortunately its just a moment. but at least i have somewhere that no straight men i know can perceive me. and THAT  is what i need most of allfuck the pandemic and fuck all these bitches. and also fuck the fact that i need to decide what to do with myself until i die. like “work til you die” but what else????? reading books and lesbian sex maybe