#this came to mind as i got to reading some fanfic and realised the dynamics that were coming up there were very much like this

[dangaer]

ships where muse a is outwardly insane and while muse b is much more calm than them, is equally or in their own way insane inside ( especially if its towards their dynamic with muse a. ) are truly beautiful though.

[pool-floatie]

I feel the need to share my g/t experience with erryone since its been on my mind for a while and I find it interesting how early on It showed up.

Ever since I was a little kid, probably 5-7 years old, I had little daydreams occasionally about giants taking me to their houses or a park or wherever and they would tease me and have fun with me, I was always scared of course because apparently ive always liked this fearplay bullshit, but i still found it exhillirating and fun. Of course it wasnt romantic or anything until I got older, just,,, like a really tall roller coaster, scary but exciting.

When I started reading, i found one of the borrowers books, i think my mom actually got it for me (maybe i had mentioned the daydreams??) ! I think it was The littles and The Biggs families, but yeah. I loved it and i tried to find more but they werent at my school library 😭 so Iworked with what I had, a book and a dream. (lol cringe-)

While i was in 4th- 6th grade I had kind of repressed it, I still thought about it on occasion but i started to realise that nobody else had that interest and it was just a wierd thing with me... Until I watched the BFG (cliche right 🙄) it was when the movie came out and people were talking about it! For a while it held the title of my favorite movie just so I could talk about it when people asked that particular icebreaker.

One night in like... 7th grade I had a dream that i was at church (lol cringefail imagine being religious...) and I picked up a piece of paper inviting people to come test out an experiment... Then i saw a flash And somewhere from the depths of my memories, my brain pulled out one of my old daydream scenarios.

I was in a laboratory with several other humans and we were all in a big glass box. Surrounding us were giants who took us out of the container and gave us baths, undressing us and scrubbing us down with toothbrushes so we would be clean for the examination.

I was taken away to a desk and meticulously examined from head to toe, the giant tried to probe me with questions but I was too shocked to speak.

Thats all I can remember but I was so fascinated by the dream that I started telling my family about it, now of course nobody wanted to hear me talk about my dream for 20 minutes, so my mom encouraged me to write it down.

And oh hell did I write.

My first long form writing stemmed from a dream I had, i wrote for months, of course, I was 13 do it was flaming garbage but I was so happy about it and thought it was a masterpiece.

So naturally as anyone would, I emailed it to my english teacher.

She never responded.

I wonder why.

To this day I pray that she never opened it, her emails being too cluttered with important school things that it got lost and never crossed her eyes.

But still, it was through this little writing that I began to realise my potential (lol cringe origin story-)

I still have the draft of the story, its plot and characters were a good foundation, and perhaps one day i will look it over, change a few things, get cancer and die.

During quarantine I discovered Sanders Sides, which led me down a fanfiction rabbit hole, which led me to tumblr, which led me to a creator called delimeful , not sure if they want to be tagged in this so I wont... They wrote some marvelous G/t Sanders sides fanfic and i soon realised... This is a community, it wasnt just them.. There was, so /much/ so many artists and writers that shared this niche interest, a community of people who g e t i t .

It started slow, I continued interacting with the tumblr community ( hell, the husk of my old blog might still roam this site (|||O⌓O;) )

Only ever looking for safe, wholesome g/t.

But where was the stomach-dropping exhilliration I had felt before, that rollercoaster feeling? What was missing??

I needed the fearplay, and in looking for it i stumbled into vore and that dynamic, playing with pred/prey and even more teasing. I was hesitant at first.

But lo and behold that was the gawd damn ticket. I started to write again, finding new stories and creators and tropes galore! I learned about the community, the terms and the subgenres!

Finally I gained confidence in my writing ability through a class that helped me grow my skills and practice.

And I eventually decided i could share all my hard work. All this time I had spent worrying if i should just keep it to myself, but i reminded myself of all the non beta read and unfinished work i had seen, and looking back at my own I was less afraid, people still liked it even then... So what could they say about mine ?

There ya go, thats my,, I guess life story told through the g/t Timeline.

Hopefully I was vague enough to not give away any behind the scenes, yall will never know who I am 😈😈😈

Also im not trying to bash any creators, I appreciate everyone who contributes to the community with anything they have.

[sanversandfriends]

Sanvers fans know her from her amazing contributions of art and fic to the Big Bang, but @morganastorm24 is also a multi-talented writer and artist for multiple ships in the DC universe. She also has love of everything Lois Lane. In honor of the Planet's star reporter, we've asked her to share a glimpse into her writing process. Thanks, Morgana!

Tell us a little about yourself. How did you get started writing fic? Have you written for other fandoms? What are your favorite tropes?  

I've been writing for as long as I can remember - even longer according to my mum. I've always loved creating stories and would sit with my teddies and toy horses, reading them stories (even before I could read, because that's what pictures are for, right? Telling a thousand words and all that). For my 6th or 7th birthday, I apparently asked for a "really nice writing set and an even nicer book to write in". I was given a ring binder with plastic pockets, a notebook and a pencil case full of stationery. I still have that ring binder to this day, though it's not filled with all my random childish scribbles like it once was. 

I started writing fanfiction not long after Star Wars: Attack of the Clones came out. That's the earliest fanfic I can remember writing, anyway. I wrote Anakin and Padme's adventures after they got married, and then when rumours started flying about what was going to happen in Episode 3, I wrote my very first "fix it fic" by finding a way to keep Padme alive (as I couldn't bear the thought of my favourite character dying). Most of those very early fics never left the pages of the notebooks they were scrawled in and nobody else ever saw them (thank god!), but it wasn't until I started reading fanfiction online that I realised I could actually do that too - share my ideas with the world. I dabbled a little in fanfic for the tv show Casualty (a British medical drama), had more success with Doctor Who, wrote some more Star Wars, then Merlin and eventually (and most recently) Supergirl (with a dash of other DC). 

What were your inspirations for this particular story? What was it about this/these ships that grabbed you?

This fic was born of a single image - namely Chyler first revealing that she was going to wear a black and blue super suit and become Supergirl for one episode. That image alone was enough to get my mind racing with possibilities and ideas of how it might come to pass. I have to be honest and say I stopped watching the show after the Crisis stuff, so I've never actually seen her episode as Supergirl, but maybe that's a good thing? At least this way I know that my version of her is different and unique.

I am and always will be a huge Sanvers stan, but there's something so appealing about AgentCorp as well, and the show really dropped the ball when they wouldn't let Alex and Lena be together. They're an interesting and dynamic pairing - they share interests, are both huge science nerds and yet so completely different that its great fun writing them both together.

As for Lois and Kara - that one literally came out of nowhere and took me by surprise. I'd never intended for it to happen, and yet now that it has, I'm wondering why I never thought of it sooner!

Has the time spent away from your story changed your outlook or approach to any of the storylines or themes? Have you had any new inspirations or breakthroughs/revelations in the meantime? 

Absolutely. I got to a point with the fic where it had grown stale, and I was constantly hitting up against a wall with no idea how to get around it, or to power through it. So, I walked away from the fic and decided to focus on other WIPs and new creations instead. Coming back to it now, I've been able to see everything with fresh eyes, and I can see not only where I was going wrong before, but also a way to fix it. Changing the villain, adding characters, getting rid of redundant plot threads and adding more relevant pieces has really helped to get this work to a place where finally, I can see the finish line and I know I'm going to make it. That's a huge relief, considering where I was 2 years ago when I first started writing it.

Any advice for new or aspiring fic writers?

Never give up. No matter how hard it might be, just put words on a page. It doesn't matter how rubbish they are, as my BFF always says, "You can't edit a blank page." Let yourself suck, let yourself write horrendously. It's all good practice. Even if those words never leave your notebook or the document on your computer, they've taught you something, they've helped you to improve, so be proud of them.

Writing is also a bit like a painting. Not even Da Vinci or Van Gogh sat at his easel and created a masterpiece on his first try. There's the initial sketches to plan out the idea. That's your plot or summary. Then you add basic blocks of colours. That's your first draft. From then on, you work away slowly, adding details, shading, contouring...those are your second, third, fourth drafts. Keep revising and editing as much as you need - there's no right or wrong number of times you should be doing it. Because each time you do, you're adding more detail to your masterpiece. And what you end up with is a work of art.

One final piece of advice... writing is not a solo event. All those times a writer is depicted sitting along, tapping away at a keyboard or scribbling in a notebook, it's so misleading. Get yourself a writing buddy. DKGwrites and I are best friends, we met through fanfiction (and I'm eternally grateful for that everyday). We have regular writing sessions together, and ok it's 90% messing around, distracting one another, talking utter nonsense or throwing random videos and links to each other, but that 10% when we do actually behave and get down to the task at hand, it's so much more fun writing together than it ever is when we try to write alone. Silliness aside, we help one another, bounce ideas off one another, motivate and encourage one another, and it's the best thing ever. So find yourself a writing buddy, and have a blast!

If you were going to promote this fic with a single line, what would it be? 

What if Supergirl was a badass redhead called Alex Danvers?

We'll have more about her artwork in the coming weeks, but in the meantime, check out her work on A03!

[theghostofblackbunnymask]

Can I request some Dream with y11, a8 and a10...?

Author's note- This was based on a dream I had with yandere dream, and as always, sleepy bois inc family is canon in this story, and Y/N is the second youngest, older than Tommy but younger than the twins Techno and Wilbur. Also, Mumza is in here, I don't see her in a lot of fanfics that included the SBI family dynamic.

Author's note 2- The first half of this fic is mainly SBI fluff, then the rest will be Dream x Reader

Author's note- this isn't the best but I tried, wasn't in the best mind space when I wrote this.

Warnings- Implied Abuse, Kidnapping, Gaslighting (?)

Yandere Dream x Reader

Y/N banged on Techno's door, their legs being close to giving up due to exhaustion. Techno yawned as his walked towards the door with an axe in hand, his hair covering most of his face, it was around 2 AM when Y/N knocked on his door. Techno opened the door and saw Y/N looking at him with despair, wearing nothing but a T-shirt that wasn't their's, and they had a black eye.

"Y/N?" Techno asked, since he hasn't seen his little sibling in years.

"Techno... Let me in, please..." Y/N said, barely being able to speak before they collapsed, and everything going black.

The next morning...

Y/N woke up in their old bedroom, the entire room looking like it hasn't been touched in years. Touching their face, they felt bandages covering their left eye. Tommy walked into the room holding a plate of pancakes and bacon. Looking up, Tommy almost dropped it the moment he saw Y/N.

"Y-Y/N..." Tommy said.

"Hey Tommy..." Y/N said, giving him a sad smile.

Tommy ran toward Y/N and knocked them over, hugging them as he cried.

"We thought you were dead! After you didn't show up after you went hunting, we looked every where and we couldn't find you. I thought you..."

Y/N hugged Tommy back and rubbed his back. Tommy pulled back and rubbed his tears away.

"Where were you?"

Y/N looked at the ground and shook their head, implying they didn't want to talk about it. Tommy just nodded before standing up.

"Come down stairs once your done," Tommy said, before closing the door.

Y/N picked up their plate, looking down at it, waiting for something to happen. The words that Dream said kept replaying in their head.

"Ugh, you're getting fat again, you know what, no food for the next 2 weeks, got it?"

Y/N hands shook as they backed away from the food. Y/N gripped Dream's shirt as they held back tears. Y/N just grabbed a piece of bacon and ate it with their eyes closed. When they realised how good it was, they ate more and more until their plate was clean.

Y/N got up and walked down stairs, Wilbur lying down on the couch while he listened to Tommy rant about Ranboo and Tubbo, Techno was no where to be seen, and Phil was doing the dishes in another room. Wilbur glanced at you before walking up to you and hugging you.

"I thought Techno was fucking with me when he told me you were back, but you really are!"

"Heh, yeah," Y/N said, hugging Wilbur back.

"Where's Dadza?" (They call Phil Dadza instead of dad)

"In the kitchen," Tommy said, taking Wilbur's spot on the couch.

Y/N left as Wilbur began pulling Tommy off the couch.

"HEY STOP IT MAN!"

"GET OFF THE FUCKING COUCH TOMMY!"

Y/N giggled as they entered the kitchen, chat was annoying Phil as he did the dishes. Phil saw the crows fly towards Y/N and started to fly around them. Y/N giggled as they let two crows on their shoulders.

"Hey Dadza," Y/N said, hugging Phil who hugged them back.

"My God, you look so... different, not like it's a bad thing of course but, where the hell were you, if you were going on vacation you should of told us," Phil said, rubbing Y/N's hair.

Y/N just giggled as the crows kept flying around them.

"Yeah I know. Hey, where's Mumza? If she here right now or is she working?" Y/N asked.

"Uhhhh, I think she's in the forest outside."

Y/N waved goodbye as they left, the crows flying after them.

"Finally those things leave me alone..." Phil sighed in relief.

Y/N walked in the forest while the crows flew behind them, and they stopped when they saw a familiar hat.

"Mumza?"

Kristen looked down behind her and saw a familiar figure. Shrinking down so she wasn't above the trees, she saw a familiar face.

"Y/N..." Kristen said as she walked towards them and placed a hand on their cheek as she covered her mouth, hiding her smile.

"Hey Mumza..."

Kristen began to cry tears of joy as she hugged them.

"I knew you weren't dead, when I checked the limbos and the train station you weren't in neither of them," She said, backing away.

"Oh my, what happen to your face?"

"I don't really remember," Y/N lied.

"Y/N, you know it's wrong to lie to your mother."

Y/N giggled as their mother gave them a stern look.

"I don't really want to talk about it, it's a long story."

"Ok sweetie, now stay safe, I don't want you going missing again, we were worried sick that something happened to you."

"I know, Dadza told me."

Mumza just shook her head with a smile before kissing them on the cheek, like she did when they were very young. Kristen waved goodbye before disappearing into black dust. Chat flew back to Phil's house, leaving Y/N all alone in the woods. Y/N just sat under a tree as they listen to the nature sounds. A fox walked by and slept next to them, bringing Y/N some joy.

Fast forward to night...

Tommy opened Y/N's door in at panic before closing it behind him. Y/N was on their bed reading when the teen came in.

"Tommy, what the hell are you doing here?"

"TOMMY WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!"

"I may have stolen Will's guitar..."

"That doesn't sound that bad."

"And I may have broke it..." Tommy said, revealing a broken guitar from behind his back.

Y/N burst out into laughter, holding back tears as they laughed.

"You're so fucked!"

After Y/N said that Wilbur burst through the door, knocking Tommy over.

"Shit!" Tommy said, crawling under the bed.

"Get out from their you fucking gremlin," Wilbur said, trying to get tommy.

Techno walked by and just stood at the door way watching the commotion.

"Techno! Can you help me out?"

"Eh, looks like a you problem."

Wilbur groaned as he grabbed Tommy's leg, and once he did he pulled him out from under the bed. Y/N looked at Techno and just shrugged as he showed confusion. Wilbur picked Tommy up, opened the window, and threw Tommy out from it.

"SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!" Tommy yelled as he prepared himself as he fell.

But the ground never came, but instead felt himself get picked up. Looking up, he saw Kristen with a pissed off face.

"Willbur, what did I saw about throwing Tommy outside of windows!"

"Oooo, Will's getting yelled at by Mumza," Techno mocked, snickering.

"Oh shut up," Wilbur told Techno.

Kristen placed Tommy back inside of the house as she picked Wilbur up and scolded him.

"A 23 year old man getting scolded by his own mother, tsk tsk tsk," Tommy said, shaking his head in a disapproving manner.

"Now, I don't want to see anymore fighting or throwing each other out of windows or breaking each others things, am I making myself clear?"

"Yes Mumza," Wilbur and Tommy said, sighing in defeat.

Kristen nodded before Disappearing into black dust.

"Your getting me a new guitar Tommy," Wilbur said.

"Fine, asshole," Tommy said as he left.

Techno and Will left, leaving Y/N alone. Picking up their book, they noticed that, all the words on the pages were gone. Scrolling through the book, the only thing their was a smiley face. Y/N looked around confused before closing the book.

"He's gone Y/N, your free, don't let your imagination ruin it," Y/N said, putting the book in their drawers.

Later that night...

Y/N slowly opened their eyes and saw a too familiar face staring at them. Before they can screen, Dream covered their mouth and placed a finger over his mouth, silently telling them to hush up. Dream had a sinister smile on his face, he didn't have his mask on, but instead it rested on the side of his head. His green eyes glowed in the darkness as he spoke.

“Scream all you want sweetie, no one’s going to hear you. And no one ever will…”

Y/N panicked and kicked Dream who was towering over them, in the dick, making him wince over and fall onto the floor in pain. Standing up, they ran out of the room and ran downstairs, opening the door and running out of the house. Dream recovered and chased after them.

"COME BACK HERE LOVE!" Dream yelled, running after them.

"Leave me alone, Leave me alone, Leave me alone, I don't want to go back," Y/N mumbled, running faster.

Y/N felt the air get knocked out of them when they fell to the ground, Dream pinning them down as he leaned in to whisper into their.

"Your pathetic... You're the child of the Angel Of Death and the Goddess Of Death, yet you get defeated by a mortal like myself... I guess I really am a God, just trapped in a mortal's body... I told you so many times Y/N, you're weak, you're nothing without me, you'll never be anything without my protection and care, your family doesn't care about, only I will waste my fucking time with you," Dream said, before knocking Y/N out.

Dream picked Y/N up and slung them over his shoulder. As he walked through the forest, he thought about something, a little gift to leave in Y/N's room for the family to see. Sitting Y/N down, he written down on a note 'Thanks for the gift :)' before running back to the house, quietly going in Y/N room to leave it on the bed. Then he ran out and went on his merry way.

The next day...

Tommy went to wake Y/N up, but he was greeted by a messing, dishevelled room.

"What the... What the fuck happened in here?" Tommy asked, looking around.

Once he got to the bed he saw the note, when he picked it up he almost dropped it instantly. Tommy ran down stairs and waved the note in the air.

"They're gone, Y/N's gone!"

"What do you mean?" Phil asked.

"This note was on their bed, and their room was a mess."

Techno grabbed the note as he skimmed over it, his face that held confusion turned to realization and then went to anger.

"What's wrong Techno?" Kristen asked.

"I know this handwriting from anywhere... Dream has them."

"What?!" Wilbur and Tommy asked.

"H-How? Y/N's never met Dream," Tommy said.

"How can we know that for a fact? Y/N was missing for years, and now they come back mysteriously in a panicked manner and in a very unhealthy condition."

"What are you leading towards Techno?" Phil asked.

"My theory is that Y/N was with Dream the years they were missing, and it wasn't by choice. I'm not sure how they met, but they definently have some sort of relationship, and it isn't heathly."

"What does Dream look like?" Kristen asked.

"Why do you ask?"

"I can ask Drista or XD to help me, I have a feeling Dream's linked to the two in some way, and it can help me locate him with the crows help."

"No one's really seen his face," Tommy said.

"But one thing that stands out is his mask, he wears this smiley mask all the time, making it impossible to see his face."

"With that info given to Mumza, what's the plan?" Wilbur asked.

Techno let out a dark chuckle as his eyes went dark.

"Oh I have a plan... And it's not going to be easy..."

With Y/N and Dream...

Y/N looked up and their hands were above their head, cuffed to the wall with no way to escape. Their legs were tied together, and the shirt they were wearing was gone, leaving them in just their undergarments. Looking up, Dream was sitting on a chair, looking at them dead in the eyes with a pissed off expression as he sharpened his netherite sword.

"Tell me this Y/N, what made you get the confidence and ego to pull this BULLSHIT on me?!"

Dream stood up and grabbed their face

"I give you everything, anything! If you want it I get it for you. But you just had to get selfish and leave me, you're fucking disgusting."

"I'm not disgusting..." Y/N mumbled.

"What did you say whore?"

"You heard me, I'm not disgusting! You're the one that fucking kidnapped me and hid me away for years, starving me whenever I got 'too fat?' WHAT BULLSHIT IS THAT?! You physically and emotionally abuse me, and you do this just because you love me? I believed you for years, but when I got to see my family again I remembered what real love was, and this, this isn't love! You need fucking help Dream, and after this I'm going to need fucking therapy due to your FUCKING BULLSHIT!"

Dream slapped Y/N hard across the face, before putting his hand around Y/N's throat.

“Your life is in my hands, don’t test me, ok?”

"I'm not testing you Dream, I'm telling you the truth. You're just too caught up in your ego to see it."

Dream began to chuckle, before going into a hysterical laughter.

"Oh~ Y/N just doesn't know when to shut up..." Dream said, before kicking them in the stomach.

"Being with your family for 1 day made you get your ego, confidence and self respect back... Now that's not good," Dream continued, stabbing his netherite sword into Y/N's hands, making them scream in pain.

Dream began to hurt punch them over and over again until he got bored.

"DREAM PLEASE STOP! I'M AT HALF A HEART!" Y/N yelled, looking up at Dream with pleading eyes.

Dream just smiled, his eyes glowing as he looked down at them.

"Oh Y/N... I could kill you right now, and no one would care! NOBODY! And if people did care, where's your family? Where's your friends? Only I care about you, only I can make you happy, only I can touch you the way I do, and only I can love you..."

Y/N's brain just completely shut down as they stared down at the floor with emotionless eyes. Y/N began to cry, tears rolling down their face as they thrashed against their restraints.

"No! You're wrong! Youre..." Y/N said, before they felt Dream grab their chin.

"Care to finish that?"

Y/N just shook their head no, being too tired to do anything, and having too many mental and physical scars to even care anymore.

"Now, who's the only one that can love you?

"You..."

"And who do you love?"

"You..."

"Good..."

Dream unlocked their cuffs and watched as they fell to Y/N's side limply. Dream placed Y/N in his lap and ran his hand through their hair.

"You're all mine... And not even you're family can change that..."

[dreamingofaizawa]

Obedient

Soft Yan! Erasermic x Chubby Fem! Reader

Summary: Reader gets a new home and is perfectly fine with it, but soon her desires get the best of her.

**18+ Fic**

Warnings: Kidnapping, drug use, NSFW, smut, double penetration, yandere themes, light D/S dynamic, daddy kink like once, BDSM themes, Stockholm Syndrome, overall nastiness

Word Count: 5.1k

Author’s Note: This one’s extremely self indulgent, focusing on a chubby or heavy reader and their insecurities being accepted. Also, I feel like these two would be unfairly amazing with aftercare. If you skip the warnings it ain’t my fault if you don’t like what you read. Thanks and enjoy!

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“Happy birthday to me” you mumbled to yourself as you polished off your third glass of whiskey of the night.

It was late, probably close to 2 am, and you sat at your usual spot on the end of the bar. You rapped your knuckles on the wooden countertop, signaling the bartender to pour you another glass. He obliged with a nod and a warm smile, which you easily returned. It was always like this, sitting alone at the edge of the bar on a Friday night, drinking away your stress where you knew you wouldn’t be bothered by your meddlesome coworkers.

The bar was getting quiet, with only a handful of patrons chatting and laughing away in their drunken states. And they were there again. Always sitting in the corner of the establishment, tucked away in a booth together. The two men were there when you started attending the bar on a regular basis a few months ago, and always stayed after you’d left. It seemed normal at first, just a couple of guys drinking at a bar. But you’d caught them looking at you on several occasions. You never looked at them directly, but you always saw their reflections in the glass bottles of liquor, their eyes trained on you with no clear expressions on their faces. They never came over to talk, never made a move, never even got within 5 feet of you. And that’s the way you liked it.

Until tonight.

Both men stood up, and you watched as their reflections casually made their way over to the bar. You averted your eyes and pretended not to notice, hoping they’d leave you alone. “Hey there” Well, so much for leaving me alone. You turned to see a handsomely rugged man looking down at you, his raven hair loose and framing his chiseled jaw and his dark eyes peering into your own. You notice a curved scar just under his right eye. His friend stood beside him, with long blonde hair tied up in a laxed ponytail and hypnotic green eyes trained on you behind orange tinted sunglasses.

“Hi fellas” you spoke, eyeing the two with a quirked eyebrow. The blonde moved over to your left and sat down next to you, the other choosing to stand on your right. “Hey little listener! Mind if I sit here?” the blonde asked with a megawatt grin, the sheer volume of his voice startled you a little. “Not at all” you said with a warm smile. ‘Listener? What a strange nickname’ you thought. There was a few seconds of silence before the dark haired man spoke. “So, what’s the occasion?” You wondered how he knew there was an occasion, and almost reading your mind he said, “You’re pretty dolled up for a night at the bar” Huh. Looks like they were watching me after all. 

You took a swig of whiskey before speaking. “Nothing special. It’s just my birthday”. And you meant it. Your birthday was never anything special. Just a testament to another routine year on this earth. “I’d say that’s pretty special, sunshine!” the blonde nudged your shoulder as he spoke. You laughed at that statement. “Nah, just another year gone by” The alcohol was starting to get to you, you could tell. You were never this talkative sober. 

The black haired man knocked on the bar, “Next round’s on me. Hey barkeep, one more glass for this pretty kitten here” The pet name made your cheeks tingle a little, but you kept it under control and tilted your head. You scoffed “Kitten? Really?” He looked you up and down and said “Well how would you describe yourself, kitty?” He smirked at you, waiting for your response. The logical side of your brain warned you ‘Don’t do it, you can’t be self deprecating on your 25th birthday’. You didn’t listen. “Well I’m far from cat-like. Chubby, short, chunky. The only thing cat-like about me would have to be my trained posture and eyeliner” You chuckled, matter-of-factly. You worked as a waitress at an esteemed high-end restaurant and you had to learn to be quick on your feet, agile, and most importantly, poised.

“Hmm, pretty and humble” the blonde muttered. You laughed again “Pretty. Right”. Neither of them said anything. You looked at the two men, closely. Where did you recognize them? Why did they look so familiar? There was silence as you studied their faces. Then it struck you. Your eyes went wide and you took a sharp inhale “You’re Eraserhead” you looked over at him, and then turned to the blonde “And you’re Present Mic”. Both men grinned at the recognition, “In the flesh sunshine”. You turned and stared at your drink, feeling your face get warm. You were extremely socially awkward and hated confrontation, even if it were friendly, so you did the only thing that could save you and excused yourself to the ladies’ room. 

Once the door closed behind you you let out a shaky breath and leaned over the sink, staring at your reflection in the mirror. What the hell were they doing talking to you? Or even looking at you? You backed up, deciding to fix yourself. You pulled your skirt down a little further over your thighs, tugged your thigh-high socks a little higher, and redid your ponytail.Taking a deep breath, you walked back out to the two heroes and sat down, a new glass of whiskey on the bartop in front of you. With slightly shaky hands you grabbed the glass and took a big swig, then glanced between the two men and said “It’s very nice to meet you” Eraserhead chuckled and Mic said “Likewise sweetheart. The name’s Hizashi” “And you can call me Shouta”.

The night went on and the three of you talked for another hour or so. Eventually you glanced at your watch and decided it’s time to go home. “Let us take you home (y/n)” Shouta offered. You declined politely, you couldn’t intrude on them any more than you already had. But they insisted, so you obliged, deciding that walking home in these 4-inch platform boot heels would kill you. Shouta hadn’t had a drink all night so he hopped in the driver’s seat, Hizashi in the passenger and you in the back. You punched your address into the GPS and the car started moving. 

“Water?” Hizashi offered, holding a bottle of water over the back of his seat. You took it and thanked him, immediately chugging the whole bottle in one breath. You didn’t notice Shouta watching you, and you didn’t notice the bottle had already been opened and laced with something. Soon your head became heavy, along with your eyelids as you tried to blink away sleep. “You seem tired (y/n), why don’t you take a nap. We’ll wake you up when we get there” You nodded and sprawled across the backseat, settling into a deep sleep, unaware that you were never going to see your bed again.

You woke up sore and stiff, and you stretched out, feeling the soft silky sheets under your body. It took you a moment to realise these weren’t your sheets, and you snapped your eyes open and sat up to an unfamiliar room. “Shit” you cursed under your breath. You strained your memory to see if you’d gone home with anyone the night before, but the last thing you remember was being driven home by two pro heroes and passing out in the backseat of their car. Your head began to swim with possibilities and questions. Where am I? Why am I here? Where were the two heroes? You tried to cross your legs but your left ankle was stopped short. You threw the blanket off and saw a metal cuff and a thick chain holding you in place. 

You felt yourself start to panic, but leveled your head and steadied your breathing before you lost control. You willed yourself to relax, and think of ways to get out of this predicament. Today is Saturday. Whoever took me would be here, assuming this room is part of a larger house. You stilled your nerves and gently called out. “H-hello? Is there anyone there?” A few seconds later you hear footsteps, and the door opened. The last thing you expected to see was a handsomely rugged pro hero Shouta Aizawa standing in the doorway. “Morning kitty” he said with a smirk.

You froze in place and blinked at the man. You lost yourself in your head, remembering all the yandere fanfic you read, remembering last night and piecing things together. The bottle of water was already open. To be fair, they are heroes. Letting your guard down was only natural. A hand on your shoulder jolted you back to reality. You stared at Shouta like a deer in headlights. “You okay there?” You blinked back at him, and swallowed down the lump in your throat before saying “Let me guess. This is my new home”. He stared back down at you before chuckling, “Well that’s not the reaction I was expecting. You’re a smart little kitty, aren’t you?”

He left the room and you got lost in thought again. You knew you shouldn’t be so calm, so willing, so obedient. But you also knew how boring your life had been, how mundane and lonely. You had cut ties with your family a long time ago, and you didn’t have any friends because of your trust issues and antisociality. You knew, deep down, you wanted something like this to happen. To give up control.

And it shone through the more you explored in your late teen years. You found how much you loved the idea of having a dominant person to tell you you were doing good, someone you could trust to guide you. Someone to take over and lead you. The few relationships you had fell through once your partner learned about your preferences. They weren’t willing to put a collar on you, like you were some sort of animal. They never understood the trust and respect that came with the garment. 

Maybe this was your chance to have the relationship you’d always yearned for. To be loved for exactly who you are. And you knew it was wrong to want to like your captors, the people who kidnapped you. But in reality what were you going to do? Try to escape and risk injuring yourself? Or worse, risk getting caught and be punished for it? There were no realistic scenarios where you got out of here and escape from them completely. If they were the yandere types you thought them to be, you knew it was pointless to struggle.

Shouta came back and broke you out of your thoughts with a tray of pancakes, fruit, and a glass of orange juice. You shifted so you were sitting against the headboard and he placed the tray on your lap. You mumbled a small ‘thank you’ and began to eat, only now realizing how hungry you were. About halfway through the meal he spoke. “You know, you’re taking this really well.” You finished the food in your mouth and looked at him “Well there’s no use panicking. I’d only end up hurting myself. Besides, it’s not like I can get out” you said, motioning to the chain and cuff around your ankle. “You’re not wrong,” he said back, and left you to finish breakfast. 

He came back ten minutes later, took the tray, and returned with a key, handcuffs, and a blindfold. “I’m sure you need to use the bathroom” you nodded, acknowledging the pressure on your bladder “These are just a precaution” he said as he locked the cuffs around your wrists and tied the blindfold around your head. You felt the cuff on your ankle fall off and Shouta’s arms under your knees and back as he lifted you off the bed and carried you to where you assumed the bathroom was. Once inside, he put you down and took the blindfold and cuffs off. He stepped outside and locked the door and said “I’ll be waiting out here. Once you’re done knock on the door and I’ll take you back to the bed”. You nodded, and did just that. Back on the bed, he locked the cuff around your ankle and stood to leave before you stopped him. 

“H-hey, S-shouta?” he turned around and quirked an eyebrow, “Can I…draw?” You had no idea if he’d let you have anything, but you had to try. If you were going to be stuck in here you needed a way to keep yourself occupied. He hummed and left the room, returning with a sketch pad, a pencil, and an eraser. Once he left you began sketching away, deciding koi fish were to be the subjects of your creativity.

Days went by, being served three meals a day by either Shouta or Hizashi. Eventually, they began to question why you were so obedient and calm about the whole situation. They began to think you were just trying to get them to let their guard down, and give you a chance to escape. You always answered their questions truthfully. “I don’t mind it here. My life had always been uneventful so the change is mildly appreciated. And you treat me well, so I can say I’m at least a little happy”. They weren’t anything like you expected. They weren’t overly protective or controlling, never posed any kind of threat. Never tried to convince you of anything, not that they had to.

After about a week, they took the cuff off your ankle and stored it away. “You can roam the house freely” Shouta said, holding his hand out to you. Gingerly you took his hand, slowly standing from the bed. Your legs shook a little, but Shouta held you so you could stretch them out and get comfortable walking again. He walked out, motioning for you to follow. You ended up in the dining room, sitting at the table. With Shouta sitting next to you, you assumed Hizashi was in the kitchen cooking dinner.

“So (y/n), what have you been drawing?”. The question caught you off guard, but you answered “Koi fish”. “Ah, any particular reason why?”. You thought to yourself for a moment, and answered “Well they’re gorgeous creatures, elegant, sleek, graceful. I’ve always loved drawing koi”. He hummed, seemingly pleased with your answer. You then started to ramble a bit about how koi reminded you of dragons for some reason, and how beautiful you thought dragons were.

Soon dinner was served and Hizashi was caught up in the conversation. After dinner you all went to watch movies in the living room, and you dozed off between the two men, relishing in the warmth their bodies radiated. Shouta carried you to the bed and laid you down to sleep, placing a chaste kiss on your forehead. He stood there, admiring you for a few minutes before leaving to join Hizashi in their room.

———————-

After a couple months living with the two men, thoughts began to swirl around in your brain. Caring thoughts. And needy, dirty thoughts. You’d push them away as quickly as they came because you knew what was happening. You read about Stockholm syndrome many times, and you tried desperately to remind yourself that liking them was wrong. But you were in far too deep. Eventually the part of you that tried to fight it lost miserably and you stopped pushing those thoughts away, because despite the kidnapping, they were nothing but good to you.

The days they’d both have to leave for their hero duties were the days you’d begin to realize you missed them. You dug through their closet and began to wear one or the other’s t-shirts around the house. Eventually it became normal. You’d always wear their clothes, whether they were home or not, and they didn’t seem to mind. You got closer to them, getting more cuddly and affectionate, giving and receiving more kisses. Soon you were all sleeping together, and life began to feel strangely normal. But the realization of how sexually frustrated you were drove you mad. 

You wanted to feel their hands on you, touching you, caressing you, making you feel good. You couldn’t take it anymore. You needed them. But you had some pride, so you just left hints. You dressed lighter, showing more skin. Not wearing any shorts with their t-shirts, letting the collars drop and expose your shoulders. You could see them looking. Their glances made you ache, you wanted them so bad. But they weren’t budging. So you gave in and tossed your pride aside.

One day after they came home from patrol and dinner was finished, you quickly washed the dishes and tugged them over to the living room couch and sat down on the coffee table, facing them. Their confused expressions only grew more confused when your face burned red. What you were about to ask them embarrassed you to no end, but you had to do it or you’d go insane.

You took a deep breath, looked up at them, and began quietly. “S-so, um, I really like it here, and…and I appreciate everything you two have done for me…” you swallowed the lump that formed in your throat, “a-and I know you’ve given me everything I asked-” you were abruptly cut off by Shouta saying “No, (y/n), you can’t go outside”. The statement threw you off, and you quickly rambled “N-no, no! That’s not…I wasn’t asking to leave! I love it here and I love just being with you two and doing whatever…but it’s not what we do…it’s what we…don’t do…that’s bothering me…just a little bit…”

Shouta’s stern expression turned soft, then after a few moments  a knowing smirk tugged at his lips. Hizashi still looked as confused as before the conversation and said “Sunshine, you aren’t making much sense. There’s a lot of things we don’t do”. Shouta spoke up “‘Zashi, hold on”. Hizashi quieted and shrugged. Shouta looked at you with narrow eyes and a knowing smirk. “Come here kitty” he said and pat his leg. The name sent shivers down your spine. You bit your lip, got up and straddled his lap. He tucked his finger under your chin and pulled so you were looking him in the eyes “I think our kitty cat’s getting a little needy, ‘Zashi. Isn’t that right kitty?”. Your face burned fiercely, and you bit your lip harder and gave a small nod.

Shouta dropped his hand and grabbed your waist, lifting you off his lap and onto Hizashi as he stood up to get something. You closed your eyes and let out a small squeak from the sudden movement. You opened your eyes to Hizashi’s wide grin. He wrapped his arms around your waist, leaned forward and slotted his lips against yours, giving you a soft affectionate kiss. You melted into his arms, letting a haze drift into your mind. Shouta came back holding something, but you couldn’t quite see it in his hand. You looked back up at his face, and he looked at Hizashi. The two shared a look and you couldn’t quite place their expressions. 

Shouta sat down, and began gently rubbing your arm. He seemed to be trying to figure out how to say something, but he decided actions were better than words. He took a small breath and held up what he’d been holding. And it made your breath hitch in your throat. You realized in that moment that they had been watching you a lot more than just at the bar. They knew about your relationship issues, your preferences, they knew everything. 

It was a collar. And it was beautiful. One half was black leather, studded with yellow gems, the other half yellow with black gems, and the center had a silver loop with a little bell. You reached out and touched it, letting your fingers trace over the gems. You look up at Shouta and the question leaves your lips before you can think. “Is it for me?” he nods, and it made tears prick the corners of your eyes. He knew what you wanted. They both did. He gives a sweet smile and moves behind you, looping it around your neck. You hold your hair up, and wait for the sound.

Click

It locks, and you shudder, letting out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. Shouta tilts your head and kisses you, soft and deep. He loops a finger through the collar and gently tugs, and you let out a mewl, letting him dip his tongue past your lips. A haze drifts over your mind in a thick blanket, and you melt into the kiss. He pulls away, and you look up at him with lust-blown eyes, then look at Hizashi who leans over and kisses your cheek. 

Hizashi picks you up and places you on the floor and the two stand up, Shouta loops a finger in your collar and tugs, and the two lead you over to the bedroom. Hizashi begins to undress first, and Shouta pulls you into another heated kiss. This time a little more rough, a little more passionate, his tongue gliding over yours. He bites your bottom lip and you let out a soft moan. Hizashi, now completely naked, sits on the edge of the bed and calls out to you “Come over here baby”. You pull away from Shouta and walk over to the blonde. He motions for you to turn around, and he grabs your hips and pulls you onto his lap. 

He pulls off the shirt you’re wearing, groaning after seeing you had no bra on. He pulls you by your arms, pressing your back against his chest, and peppers kisses along your neck and shoulders. You mewl softly, shuddering from the sensation. You didn’t know kisses could feel so good. Shouta comes over and starts to massage your breasts, kneading them with his palms and grazing over the sensitive buds. Hizashi brings his hands to your stomach and gently caresses and grabs at the soft flesh, squishing and kneading the fat gathered there.

You whine from the contact, and feeling extremely self-conscious you grab his arms and try to pull him away. He shushes you and whispers in your ear “It’s okay, baby, let me feel you. You’re so beautiful”. He nips at your ear and kisses your neck. You let your arms relax and drop to your sides, letting the blonde explore your body the way he wants. Shouta kneels in front of you and takes a nipple into his mouth, sucking and nibbling. He grabs your thighs and pulls your legs apart, squeezing the fat there. 

As the two squeeze and grope every part of you that you never liked, you can’t help but feel exposed and slightly uncomfortable. You whimper softly, tears beginning to sting your eyes as you take shaky breaths to still yourself. Hizashi turns your head and kisses away the tears as they fall, and Shouta leans up and kisses your belly and thighs. “Shhh kitty, let us love you. Let us love all of you, kitty cat. You’re so pretty…such a pretty little kitty~”. 

You relax further, and you realize these two beautiful men are worshipping your body like you’re a goddess. You’re far from being comfortable in your skin, but the initial fear is gone, and your body relaxes as they continue their ministrations. “Good girl kitty. Good girl” Shouta whispers as he kisses and nips at your thighs. “Open your legs for us baby” Hizashi dips his fingers down and teases your dripping core, slipping up and down your folds as Shouta pulls your panties down and off your legs. You buck your hips up, begging for more friction. He dips two fingers into your core and a soft moan escapes your lips.

He reaches his thumb up to rub tight circles over your clit, and you mewl at the sensation, rocking your hips into his hand. Shouta continues focusing on your breasts and belly, kneading and kissing and licking. Soon you feel a knot form in your stomach, tightening and burning. Hizashi feels your pussy clenching around his fingers and quickens his pace, curling his fingers to hit your g-spot and rubbing your clit faster. The knot snaps and you’re falling apart on Hizashi’s lap, back arched and legs shaking, you throw your head back against his shoulder and cry out, pleasure racking your body in waves. Hizashi keeps moving his fingers inside you, letting you ride out your high.

After your release you relax back down, breathing hard. Hizashi lifts you up and lays you down on the bed, Shouta crawling up over you and kissing you sweetly. He grabs your legs and wraps them around his waist, lining up his painfully hard erection with your throbbing pussy. “You ready kitty?” He asks, and you look up at him through your lashes and nod. He tugs at your collar “Use your words kitty cat. Are you ready for me?”. Your eyes widen slightly and you answer without thinking “Yes Daddy”. Shouta growls at the name and swears under his breath. He thrusts his hips forward and bottoms out in one movement. You gasp, the stretch around his thick length was almost enough to make you cum a second time.

Shouta stills to let you adjust and leans down to kiss the bruises on your neck from Hizashi. “I’m going to move now kitty. Relax for me” He starts slow, groaning as he watches his length slide in and out of your core. Your warmth feels so good around his cock, and he moves faster, driving his cock deep into your pussy, walls clenching around him. Hizashi lays down next to you and puts two fingers into your mouth. Your tongue slides over his fingers, coating them in your saliva. 

He pulls them out and goes to rub your clit, leaning over and placing open mouth kisses along your collarbone, sucking new bruises onto your skin. Suddenly both men stop their movements, Shouta pulling out and Hizashi removing his hand from your mound and you whine at the emptiness, your pussy clenching around nothing. Shouta moves to sit and pulls you onto his lap, pressing your chests together, and Hizashi sits up behind you, pressing against your back. “On your knees baby girl, hold yourself up” Hizashi says into your neck.

You oblige, holding yourself up as the two men line themselves up with your dripping core. Once they’re ready, They grab your hips and pull you onto them, both of their hard cocks slipping into your pussy. You throw your head back against Hizashi’s shoulder, nearly screaming from the stretch. Your nails dig into Shouta’s back as they bottom out. They still their movements, all three of you panting hard. Despite the lack of movement, you mewl and whimper, your walls clenching and stretching to accommodate the both of them.

You relax slightly, feeling fuller than you’ve ever been before, and they immediately start to move. They pull out until just the tips are still in, and slam you down onto them, setting a brutal pace. You scream from the pleasure, clawing at the muscles in Shouta’s back. Hizashi reaches around to rub your clit and it shoves you over the edge and has you cumming around them, your essence dripping down your thighs and their cocks. They keep slamming back into you, your pussy clenching around them. They slow their pace ever so slightly, feeling their own release building. Hizashi keeps rubbing tight circles around your clit “Do you have one more for us baby? Cum one more time”.

You whine from the overstimulation, feeling every vein as they pump themselves in and out of your core. Tears fall down your cheeks and a familiar tension fills the pit of your stomach. Shouta leans down and bites down hard on the sweet spot between your neck and shoulder, just under the collar, and it pulls you over, crying out as your pussy clamps down hard. Their hips stutter, and they pick up the pace, chasing their own release as you ride out your high. They thrust two more times and they’re both shooting hot ropes of cum into you, filling you to the brim. 

They still their movements, holding you and each other close. After a few moments, they pull out together, the movement making you moan and shake. Your body goes limp and Shouta pulls you to lean against him. You’re sobbing softly into Shouta’s shoulder, your last release washing over your body almost painfully, your bones already beginning to ache. Shouta rubs your back softly and Hizashi peppers soft kisses along your shoulders. 

Shouta picks you up and the three of you go over to the bathroom. Hizashi plugs the drain and turns on the tap to fill the large tub with hot water. Shouta climbs in and sits down, still cradling you, and the slowly rising water begins to soothe you. Hizashi pulls out a tube of ointment and rubs it onto Shouta’s back, relieving the scratch marks you left on him. After tending to Shouta he takes off your collar and sinks into the tub, leaning against you. You let the two massage you and wash you, bringing you back down to earth.

“You okay kitten?” Shouta rumbles into your ear, petting your hair. You nod into his shoulder and grab Hizashi’s hand, squeezing it appreciatively. They both muttered soft ‘good girl’s and ‘good kitty’s in you ears. You felt secure with them, the hot water and the care of the two bring you back down to earth, and you start to feel fatigue pulling at your consciousness. Hizashi notices you drifting off. He takes you from Shouta and dries you off with a towel and loops your collar back around your neck. “Sho, I’m going to take her to bed. When you’re ready come join us”. Shouta hums and Hizashi carries you to bed.

You lay with Hizashi and cuddle into his chest, letting him hold you and rock you as you drift off. After a few minutes you feel the bed behind you dip and look up at Shouta with half lidded eyes. He gives you a peck on the lips before nuzzling against your back. With a long, soft sigh you melt into their arms, and as you fall asleep you mumble a soft “I love you both” into Hizashi’s chest, and Shouta whispers into your ear “We love you too kitty cat.”

[experiment-000]

My Top 10 Ships of 2020

It's been a weird year but I've seen other people doing this. Plus this year I've been way more into gen fics (love a bit of found family especially in clone wars and marvel) than anything shippy. So I genuinely don't know what imma put on here aside from two ships for sure. Sorry this post is super long idk how to do the below the cut thing and I've had this app for 5 years...

10) Viktor Nikiforov and Yuuri Katsuki - Yuri!!! On Ice

It was a real toss up between this, supercorp, kanera and wolfstar cos they're all very integral ships to my fan heart but this son because of the Yuri on Ice fandom's rebirth this year. I've never stopped shipping this, never stopped reading fanfic of them for any extended period of time, they're still my most bookmarked ship on ao3 (although I think now star wars - all media types may have overtaken them for fandom). They were one of the first things I watched where the queer ship I loved became canon and I can't wait for the film (and hopefully someday a season 2). Heck I even made my mum watch Yuri on Ice with me so I think that says it all.

9) Edelgard Von Hresvelg and female Byleth - Fire Emblem: Three Houses

My first fire emblem game was fates when I was like 14 (and finally gay awake lol). I was so disappointed that I had to be with a guy character because the only female option was kinda creepy and also I wouldn't get the character of kana. So when three houses came out I was so happy because finally there were beautiful incredible female characters my female byleth could romance (I'm so sorry mlm you deserved so much more than you got). I got the game as soon as it came out (had to search a lot of shops let me tell you) and started on black eagles. I was actually kinda disappointed back in 2019. I didn't like the explore the monastery bit (still find it kinda tedious) and the battle mechanics weren't quite the same as fates (no pairing up?! Aka my main battle technique for protecting the weaker units). So I got like 20 hours in and put it down. Came back to it in lockdown and finally finished it! I'm so proud of myself I virtually never finish games. And I fully fell in love with the useless lesbian edelgard in the process. When I started back playing in 2020 I was like eh I wish I'd picked a different character to romance (like shes an emperor that's morally very shady) but then the romance stuff started with edelgard and I fell the heck in love.

8) Cory Matthews and Shawn Hunter (and Topanga Lawrence) - Boy Meets World

Disney+ was released in the UK this year and I finally got the opportunity to watch boy meets world in its best quality (aka not on YouTube). I watched it back when I was like 12 or 13 and it's such a nostalgic show for me. Watching it again I still absolutely adore it (and my bi ass was low-key crushing on Shawn especially in chick like me - I'm 18 btw and I got so scared for a sec but rider strong was 18 when chick like me came out so it's fine woah). And of course now I see the possibilities of the beautiful Cory and Shawn relationship like they were so bromance it was basically romance and throw in topanga it's the perfect ot3 (but I'm also fine with just Cory and Shawn or just Cory and Topanga). Read some good fanfic for them this year. My favourite was one about Shawn stealing makeup and stuff and exploring gender (need more fics like this I'm biiii).

7) Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes - Marvel Cinematic Universe

I rewatched all the MCU films this year too. And got really into Peter parker whump and irondad. Plus my eternal obsession with identity and relationship reveals of course led me from Spiderman identity reveals (and found family cuteness) to stucky coming out. Especially when it involves the internet and social media. Not my favourite ship but it's been significant to my year due to the sheer amount of marvel stuff I've read.

6) Satine Kryze and Obi Wan Kenobi - Star Wars

I rewatched clone wars in prep for season 7 and wow Satine's death was sad and sudden. She first appeared in S2 E13 I think and just the sheer sexual tension of their bickering. "The sarcasm of a soldier. The delusion of a dreamer." Just ugnnhhh my bi ass can't take much more of this. And Anakin just sipping his wine in the background grinning. And I fully believe korkie is a Kenobi.

5) Commander Cody and Obi Wan Kenobi - Star Wars

I am very much an Obi wan multishipper. I don't really have a favourite but I fully believe he was with satine and Quinlan in his life. I don't think be would've actually done anything with Cody because of the whole superior officer thing. And this probably isn't even my favourite Obi wan ship - that honour probably goes to quinobi or obitine. However the most popular ships in the fandom are codywan, quiobi and obikin. No offence to anyone who ships these they're just personally not to my taste, but I can't stand quiobi, and obikin I find only slightly more tolerable and I think that's just because there's so much obikin content so if I like the concept of a fic that happens to be obikin I'll read it. I'm just not a fan of the mentor/student relationships. So I generally favoured the codywan fics when there was shipping involved meaning I read a lot of them this year. Needed that nice fix it content post season 7.

4) Zuko and Katara - Avatar: the Last Airbender

Again I am a multishipper I have nothing against zukka it's cute. But I'm a zutara shipper first and foremost because when I first watched avatar I was like 13 and denying my gayness and gayness in general so I shipped the straight things and the straight things only. Most of these ships I stopped shipping - dramione, spuffy, some my little pony ones which we don't talk about. Zutara stayed. (I have nothing against any of the things I used to ship I just stopped shipping them so much/shipped new things more). I've continuously shipped zutara since I first watched avatar even if I didn't necessarily spend that much time on it it has always been here as one of my favourite ships. It has such good fanfic I swear including my favourite ever fanfic from any fandom - love thy enemy. Plus like the black games (reread this for the millionth time this year), a delicate subterfuge (which I read for the first time this year and damn it's so good) and so many more. With the avatar resurgence this year I haven't actually rewatched avatar aside from my normal random episode every now and then when I feel like it. But there's been a lot of avatar on my dash from people I follow getting into it and people I followed for avatar returning so naturally I returned to the fandom and read quite a lot of fanfic. I also read just a lot of avatar gen fics which were great at the whole found family thing I've been so obsessed with this year.

3) Catra and Adora - She Ra and the Princesses of Power

Catradora is canon! They kissed! What more is there to say. Arguably they should've been top but I never shipped them that much since I was always very much a multishipper when it came to she ra so yes I was very happy it became canon because we actually won for once but also I've never read much fanfic for them etc. But they are very much a dynamic I love and watching she ra all again in prep for season 5 I really enjoyed the build up of their relationship. The other two only go above because Buffy is my favourite show ever and damn there's some good fuffy fanfic and Aphra and Tolvan is both fresh in my mind and star wars owns me. Would love some catradora fic recs btw if anyone has them tho.

2) Buffy Summers and Faith Lehane - Buffy the Vampire Slayer

I didn't realise it was last year that I got super into them but according to my ao3 bookmarks it was lol. 2020 I swear it's lasted an eternity. I got into them about a month before lockdown (which feels like another lifetime). I've loved Buffy since I first watched it when I was 13. It's arguably still my favourite TV show. I've been through a lot of ships for Buffy - bangel to spuffy and now fuffy. I still think angel and her were a beautiful ship back in season 2 and especially in the angel episode I will remember you. But faith and Buffy had so much chemistry in season 3 - she would've been a fresh start for Buffy and the amount of fix it fics I read I swear. My favourite has to be one where they met in LA during Anne and how that changed everything feat Buffy's internal homophobia.

1) Cheili Lona Aphra and Magna Tolvan - Star Wars

I read Darth Vader (2015) and Doctor Aphra (2016) for the first time at the end of 2020 (got a comic subscription which has served me very well already I've nearly finished the star wars canon comics). Just to see canon queer ladies in star wars was so magical for me as a queer lady. I didn't think star wars would be so overt yet as to have a queer kiss in canon (even if it's in the comics) and especially not with the main character of arguably their main comic series. Now we just gotta hope that we'll get it in live action someday soon. They weren't the ship I consumed the most content of in 2020 but they were the highlight of my 2020 because star wars did that and I finally found out about it

Honourable mentions: Vivian and Elle - Legally Blonde, Candace and Vanessa - Phineas and Ferb, Stevie and Alex - Wizards of Waverly Place, Xander and Spike - Buffy the Vampire Slayer (I actually don't ship this but damn some authors are good - this was the ship that made me realise I don't need to like a ship if the author is good enough to write it well), Eli Vanto and Mitth'raw'nuruodo - Star Wars (started reading the books last year but finished this year and only started with fanfic this year), Villanelle and Eve - Killing Eve, Kanan and Hera - Star Wars, Barriss and Ahsoka - Star Wars, Remus and Sirius - Harry Potter, Kara and Lena - Supergirl (let's hope this becomes canon next year!) (Those last four are ones I've shipped forever some of my og ships but nothing particularly big has happened for me this year with them so)

I got Disney+ this year so rewatched a fair few things from my youth and though hey my obsession with that character may have been a little gay.

[vowled]

Unpopular Opinion: Johnlock edition

So, I am, as invariably suggested by my blog and username, a major Sherlock fan. I absolutely love it. The first time I watched it, I immediately related to it, and my peabag brain instantly saw a friend in John Watson. Sherlock’s character, on the other hand, was quite unconventional to me. I couldn’t bring myself to quite like him for the first 2 episodes. He was.....different. I knew I wanted to watch the series just for the dynamic duo and their and sweet friendship. The cases I couldn’t at first care for much, but eventually that changed too. I always was completely amazed by how well they had managed to adapt the series to the 21st century and their subtle winks to the original canon too was quite impressive. Eventually, I fell in love with it, and proceeded to watch the entire series thrice. in a row. I was, and still am, completely obsessed. 

Then came the thought, which was also somehow initially suggested subtly by the show itself, ” What if Sherlock and John are in Love?” I must agree, I had read too many conspiracy theories about certain celebs being closeted to not come up with that question. 

At first it was just a thought. But then, critical analyses on tumblr came up. I couldn’t stop reading them?! and so many of them were thought-provoking and persuasive and honestly, I was living for it. The phone = heart theory is still one of the best Theories I’ve read among all the fandoms I’ve ever been in. And that is just one among many. JohnLock was everywhere. Other ships were persistent, but none could reach the amount of fervor as JohnLock. And I was living for it too. I still really enjoy all the adorable fanfics and the ever-interesting theories, and honestly, at this point, my motto is “I’ll find homoerotic subtext even if it kills me”.

Shipping is ok, shipping is good. But here’s the deal we need to talk about:  we shouldn’t justify our ships to the point of interpreting every action as romantic. This propagates unrealistic expectations and results in harmful stereotypes.

Yes, I’m talking about the unending debate on Johnlock. 

From season one itself, Johnlock was phenomenal. It is widely argued that  the show-runners themselves inserted subtle hints, and hence, birthed this beast on their own. The Sherlock fandom remains one of the oldest fandoms in the world, with its beginnings rooted in the Nineteenth Century when ASiS was published, and since then many have argued about the latent homosexual subtext embedded into the writing, my point here being people have been shipping Johnlock for well over a hundred years. Hence, It’s not really a surprise that people are still drawn to this ship. But to be shipped by this magnitude of people? This invariably suggests that there’s material provided to us by the creators themselves that is very blatantly obvious about the relationship. And while in most cases shipping two characters is completely okay in itself, according to me, shipping Johnlock has further validation in the fact that there is proof of intent of it becoming canon eventually (at least in the first two seasons).

Like I said before, shipping is OK, shipping is good. 

But is shipping okay if we take it to the point of over-analysing every move?

Sherlock is a comfort character for me. God knows half of my maladaptive daydreams are about him being a father figure towards me. My entire twitter tl and Tumblr dashboard is stuffed with cutesy or angsty things about him, and that’s great! But being in the fandom for about eight months, I’ve realised how this sort of feed eventually resulted in me completely forgetting the original storyline, and more importantly, in me forgetting how flawed a character Sherlock is!

Everyone(including me, the first time) freaks out in HLV because of how Sherlock isn’t listed as John’s pressure point. I, however, think we should question ourselves: Why should John still consider Sherlock that tantalizingly close to himself as he was in the beginning? John learnt his best friend had died, and he decided to do the bravest thing he could: make peace with it and move on. BUT NO! The Ghost of the man who loved him returned from the grave to haunt him! Here I talk about the other possible reasons why Sherlock wasn’t a pressure point for John in HLV. 

I am tired of this constant sugarcoating of Sherlock’s character. I am tired of seeing constant posts about how Sweet and caring Sherlock is and how much he loves John and how he loved her more than Mary. I am done with over analysis of every single shot where Sherlock looks at John, completely done. This shot below? It’s been overused for so many fanfics and cheesy romantic lines that I forgot that it’s supposed to be a look of GUILT.

Anyone who knows me knows that I love sherlock so dearly because he’s a very unlikeable character. That is precisely what sets him so far apart from the other characters. Sherlock started off with a hateful and dismissive character, but through the course of the events he undergoes a lot of emotional development. And that is truly noteworthy. In TFP he said for Mycroft, “ He did the best he could (for Eurus)...” and that is truly sentimental. This sort of development is always heartwarming.

What I want people to understand is that Analysis is, obviously, important. And CRITICAL ANALYSIS more so. And it’s saddening to see so many people glossing over the critical part of the analysis. Why is it so wrong to point out HOW HURTFUL SHERLOCK’S ACTIONS TOWARDS JOHN HAVE BEEN?  Why is it wrong to to point out Johnlockers borderline bully other shippers? 

Can we finally talk about the problematic aspects of Johnlock, or rather Johnlockers?

Even though I’m relatively new to the fandom, I’ve noticed how dismissive people are of anything negative said about Sherlock. In the beginning, it was endearing, really; but now I see this pattern of constantly singing praises of Sherlock’s character, and it has lead me to realize how detrimental it can be to the relatively younger audiences. Sherlock is Rude, period. There’s no question about it. And this constant glorifying of his rudeness and arrogance and dismissing it as  a quirk could very well possibly give the impression that arrogance and vanity are in fact not so bad, and hell, it might make one seem a little cooler even ! Oh, don’t be mad if I act like my comfort character ! I’m quirky like that !

Constant bashing of the creators. And when I say constant, I mean it. This sort of bashing about is never-ending. And when I say this, I don’t mean that the creators were perfect; some of their mistakes were, quite frankly, blatantly ignorant ( like Irene the Canon Lesbian falling for Sherlock), but I don’t see enough people praising it for what it is. Even now there is so much slander against the creators ( and personally I feel bad for Mark Gatiss because he’s actually on twitter and is constantly spammed). Is it really a surprise that the creators hate the fans and especially the Johnlockers? Was it supposed to be so shocking when Martin said that being in the show wasn’t very fun anymore because of the fans?

We just don’t actually analyze anymore! I get that we haven’t got any new content for FOUR muheffing years but please I literally don’t see anything that’s actually interesting or analytical anymore and that kills me because that was the reason I joined this fandom- to read and comprehend the subtext, and the AMAZING META!  All I see are cute couple-ish pics of ben and Martin and tbh we can do so much better than that?!

Johnlockers have so much actual stuff to talk about? There is literally so much going on Subtextually, and yet all I see is people losing their mind over any interaction between Sherlock and John. This is so unfair! AND it’s detrimental too! With people painting every interaction as romantic in nature, the younger teenagers in this fandom who might not have experienced Love or Attraction may glean unrealistic ideas about them! It is difficult as it is to navigate oneself through romantic entanglements, let alone being fed such rose-colored ideas! And I say this because although I don’t know much about the audience on Tumblr, but Stan Twitter is like, (at least) 50 percent teenager-fuelled. It actually isn’t healthy for them at all.

Stop with the Benedict-worshipping for God’s sakes. Are you only in here because of him? We all get it, he’s absolutely stunning but come on, we’re here for the stories too right?

Romantic love is important, no doubt. But you know what’s completely overlooked? The platonic sort of love. And it’s tiring. Sherlock and Molly/Janine/Irene/John are all amazing duos and each pair has it’s own uniqueness and tang to it! Let’s not constantly dissect everything in the name of shipping, shall we?

lol looking back at it, I feel like it’s a vent rant for the prevailing circumstances on Stan Twitter. I apologize if anything I said hurt anyone, it wasn’t meant to. I completely understand that shipping people is for...recreation (?) but this was just my opinion. Let me know what you think about it!

[maladaptive-ninja-returns]

The Siren & The Healer (6)

Natasha Romanoff arc

Chapter 6: The Flashes

Platonic Natasha x fem!Reader, Loki x fem!Reader (soulmates?)

Theme: With cracks between the most powerful superheroes of the earth, Natasha Romanoff does not find rest when she is assigned on a mission to find the missing pieces of a puzzling power that once nearly got into the hands- rather, tentacles- of Hydra. In order to unearth the pieces, she must dig through her own past and make a decision that might decide the fate of the earth in the coming wars.

Series: Will contain violence, death, destruction, softness, fluff, smut, friendship, and whatnot

Chapter warnings: Flashes. I have honestly forgotten what counts as warnings

A/N: This was written a few years ago with an OC in mind so reader has a name but it is a reader insert.

Word Count: I need to build up my resume and it kills me that I cannot put ‘part time fanfic writer on tumblr and AO3 with a decen following’ on it because some people are just cowards.

MASTERLIST in bio, love

Time: 1000 hours

Location: Vienna

The highest quality of teakwood, most expensive beige tiles and white paint that smelled like a walk in a pinewood forest- these were all the things you took in from the villa these group of buffed strangers took you to. Not to mention it being smack in the middle of a high-profile residential area where the personal property- along with your privacy- extended to nearly a kilometer. With two stories housing an open contemporary style house, the entirety of the villa's so-called four walls were just endless glass looking out at the green belt of shrubs and evergreen trees making up for the seclusion of the estate. Or, according to you, making up a hell of peeping entertainment window for all the nosy neighbours.

Safehouse, they said.

We'll all be safe here, away from prying eyes, they said.

Let’s stay here till we know what to do with the asset, they s-wait.

“Here,” the redhead called out, gesturing at the sofa while Brunn brought you a glass of water, “have a seat. You must be quite confused by all of this.”

You took the glass and barely planted your ass on the expensive-looking sofa before turning to look at Red. “Confusion would be an understatement but yes.”

“Keosha, right?”

You looked up from the glass after gulping it all down. “I...never told you my name.”

“No, you didn’t,” Red affirmed with a smile, “this is Keiko and Brunn. That’s Aneka. Nakia. And my name is-”

“Natalia Romanova,” you finished her introduction for her, making Natasha question whether it was fear or awe she was seeing in your eyes.

“I go by Natasha Romanoff in my close circle but you’re correct,” she stated, sitting down opposite you. “I apologise for the ruckus. We had to get you out of there. It wasn’t safe.”

“For whom?” you asked, recalling the cries of those men tux as two women ended their careers.

“For any of us,” Nakia called out from the farther end while examined her gear.

“Why? Was it because of the creepy guy who walked over to me in the parking lot yesterday? It was his office I was visiting today when all that...weird shit went down.”

It took a few seconds for you to realise how everyone seemed to be stirred into motion by your statement but before you could register and reason with them how you were in no way involved with that shady man, Keiko brought her tablet forward to show you a grainy picture caught by a security camera time-stamped for today right when you were in his office.

“Is this the guy?” Keiko asked.

“Yes! That’s him!” You were nearly shouting before the tablet was even in your hands.

Natasha and Nakia exchanged a look before turning back to face you.

“So, was last night the first time you saw him?” Natasha leaned over towards you with a look of curiosity, something you were not finding comfortable.

“Yeah,” you whispered, feeling a sudden rush of cold air run down your neck. “What’s going on?”

“Was someone else there when he met you?”

The cold seemed to run right along your spine, freezing it with the words coming out of Natasha’s mouth; your first thought just being the loud thumping echo of ‘ Harry ’. “What’s going on? Who is he?”

Natasha and Nakia could see your instincts kicking in, going through all the worst scenarios. So, there was someone else there.

“Keosha,” Nakia came closer to sit next to you, her accent heavy on her lips and in her voice, “we promise to explain everything. But you have to help us out so we can prioritise protecting the people we think might be in danger. Will you help us do that?”

.

“He’s fine. We have eyes on him. Our people will keep watch on anything unusual.”

Your heart finally let go of the strings of worry it’d been stretching for the last one hour. “Oh, thank God!” you whispered, rubbing your forehead before slumping into the bean bag. Natasha watched you pause in between the emotional crisis to look up at her and Nakia. “Oh, um, just tell your guys to not be shocked if he turns off the smoke alarm. He’s not a...good cook.”

And suddenly Natasha could see flashes of Tony making- or trying to make- frittatas for the gang before Steve had to run in with a fire extinguisher. 

“I’ll take care of it.” Brunn’s voice from the other side of the house- where he has set up a small security station of his own- broke Natasha out of some pleasant memories.

“Right,” she stated, wiping her hands off her thighs as she sat down in front of you in a bean bag.

A moment of silence floated between the two of you, your ears on alert yet your bodies taking in the rest after the morning you two had. It was a pleasant lull with a note of the unsaid assurance and affirmations. And unspoken fear of the unknown. Her insides were okay with the truce that had just happened between the two parties on the exchange of information but something inside her was afraid of still being in the dark. You were calm right now only because that man’s identity had been revealed and you were given the word of world’s deadliest assassin and spy that you will be protected. What was tingling under all of this was the presence of the Black Widow. She doesn’t just appear somewhere. If she’s there, it means there is blood. There will always be blood. All the reports you’d read after the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D. pointed to it. And what was your equation in all of this was still a mystery to be solved. That was what the Black Widow was thinking as well.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be of much help,” you finally blurted, tired of keeping so much inside. “I wish I knew what this man was looking for. All he was interested in was the lame healing practices of my college committee.”

Natasha raised her brow, “Healing doesn’t sound lame,” she shrugged, “what kind of healing does your college group do?”

You forced out a chuckle. “Oh, it’s nothing. I mean, not something on the scale of what you and your friends do...did...”

Feeling the smack you got from your internal voice in the back of your head, you let your voice fade at the end of that sentence not sure of what the dynamic was between the heroes at this moment. But that did not stop Natasha from moving forward, letting her arms rest on her knees and one palm supporting her face, her eyes stuck on you, waiting in anticipation.

Oh, crap , you stated internally to her, don’t look at me like that.

Sighing, you raised your hands a little, making them move about with all that you explained to her. “We-um...they’re healers in the sense that they use the life force flowing through them to heal things. And by things I mean, healing people, situations, diseases, ailments, uhh future opportunities. I know it sounds like a bunch of bull-”

“What’s our life force?”

...did not see this coming.

“Uhh...it’s the energy. Inside us, around us. It’s present in everything.”

“Even in things that aren’t alive?”

“Yup. Like this sofa. Or my phone. Or your...that thing on your wrist.”

“When you say you can heal people-” Natasha’s eyes widened and her brows creased just enough to let you know she was calculating it all- “you mean you can heal anything about them?”

You opened your mouth to answer before stopping short and shutting it up. “What do you mean exactly?”

“Could you heal their addictions?”

“Oh, yes. I’ve done that once.”

“How about incurable diseases?”

“Yeah, don’t tell the pharma giants about these guys, okay.”

She smiles a perfect smile, making your heart flutter. No one should be allowed to have that perfect a smile.

“Could you heal past trauma as well?”

“I’ve never done that. But I’m sure it could be done.”

“And future outcomes?”

Your lips make a thin line barely resembling a smile before you lean in over to her. “Okay, here’s the thing. I have healed the future. Or at least I have tried to. But the thing us healers had to keep in mind always while doing any sort of healing was that this life force has a brain of its own. It takes your effort to the point that needs to be worked upon. And often you find that that point and your intended circle do not coincide. Not to be that guy but that’s where people start to lose faith and do not see the good that is brought because they’re too busy letting their vision be clouded by the one thing that didn't go right for them despite all they put into it.”

Natasha looked down at your hands resting on your thighs, trembling a little from the cold and a little from the conversation, unconsciously tearing the tiny lint balls from your warm leggings. “People are fickle with faith,” Natasha mentioned in her low voice, “not many realise its worth in the darkest of times.”

“Not much to lean on in the dark times when the hope goes away with that last ray, is there?” you call back softly.

“Is that what you tell the ones you heal?”

“Before healing others, we’re supposed to heal ourselves. Just like to protect others, you first need to protect yourself from the line of fire. But this all garbage now. I don’t do it anymore. I left the practice a long time ago.”

Now, Natasha was more curious than ever. “Why?”

You wet your lips and rub your hands on your thighs to warm them up. “Tell me what happens you try to defend a bunch of civilians like me from..say...huge scary aliens. One too many.”

Just as you posed the question, the creases on Natasha’s brows disappeared. “It takes a toll on you. You can’t keep up after a while.”

“Exactly.”

Both of you could smell the smokiness of the mac and cheese being cooked in the kitchen by Brunn, lighting up your previously scared and dormant hunger pangs.

“I was taught that if I fell, I should get up and dust away anything that says I cannot, even if that meant my death,” she enunciated, “but later on I found out that when fallen, you could have a pair of hands to help you get back up. To help you find the strengths you never thought you could have. Because it is difficult to find out your entirety by yourself, Keosha.”

You smiled and turned your head down. “I’m done with the whole healer business, Ms. Romanoff-”

“Natasha.”

“...okay. Natasha. It only seems appealing till it goes where you want it to go. And right now, I want to go devour that mac and cheese.”

Your words forced out a chuckle from Natasha. She got up to go to the kitchen with you only to watch you struggle to get out of the bean bag. “Looks like you do need a hand.”

“Okay, Black Widow, not everyone has an amazing flexible body like you. Now help me out of this cursed thing!”

.

It was hard to fall asleep. Harder to let his mind be still. Ironic, isn’t it? To be laying down in a spaceship that was floating in the vast nothingness and his mind was the one that was making the loudest sound. No matter how much he tried, the agitation did not stop.

Getting up on the makeshift bed in the back of the ship, he tried to take deep breaths to calm down his horribly fast heartbeat.

Come back , he told his insides, forcing his consciousness to walk away from the noise into the existing calm inside the ship, closing his eyes, letting his senses concentrate on all that was going on around him. The sound of controls, Drax’s snoring, Mantis’ flowy yet curious movements around him, the feeling of Nebula’s silent footsteps- his favourite- and sting of Quill’s glare.

Observe , he announced to his heart and head, calling them in to confer what it was that bothered them, slowly opening up the hatch to a path that led to all that had happened till now, making them retrace their steps back. Back to the gates of Hel, to those mysterious eyes, to the face of his mother, to the cold void, to the explosion, to...to the ship, to-

Blinding flashes of red, white and green played with his mind, bringing with them their theme- cries of tortured souls. But that wasn’t it. Images punched his aching consciousness between the blinding lights. There were too many. One of them was of someone falling down a cliff- a pale contrast to the purple hues of the sky in the back- once a picture of soothing green, once a painting of snow-like white; one of them crying for help while one smiled in satisfaction. Another image was a haze of orange surrounding him. Or that’s what he thought till he could hear heavy breaths echoing through his ears; breaths stifling the urge to cry or whimper. Once he even thought he heard a feminine voice cry out a name in despair before the orange haze was lit up by another flash and replaced with rusty darkness. Rusty. Coarse. Grained. Slowly replaced by smoke rising from torn up metal that once covered fingers. The tears and smoke went by the six gems resting in perfectly made slots, up the charred skin of the arm where itwere supposed to be protected by that red-painted metal. The image kept going up the totalled arm while a scream rose from a distance, breaking the gut-wrenching scene away to a figure in the dark shaking him while shouting with a piercing, broken voice, “SHE’S ALIVE!”

The runes stolen by Rocket from Knowhere fell with a loud clatter, disrupting all the activity in the ship to have all eyes on a breathless Loki sweating himself pale.

“Little God having nightmares?” Quill rolled his eyes before turning back to man the ship. Gamora, Nebula, and Mantis paused whatever they were doing to look at the raven-haired mess trying to breathe some life back in himself. Rocket and Groot tried to converse telepathically about the new guy so as not to catch Quill’s unwanted attention.

“What’s wrong?” Gamora asked, taking a careful step in Loki’s direction, who- by now- had dented the frame of the makeshift bed with his tensed hands.

Everything , he wanted to scream, his gut giving up on him, wanted to throw out anything that was inside. His head swirled. He tried to make the nausea stop by leaning against the wall of the ship, letting extra heat in his head be siphoned off by the cold plates.

“You,” he huffed weakly, his brows rising as he felt his insides turn once more, “you were suppos-hed to be de-ead.”

Nebula and Mantis turned to look at Gamora, their eyes trying to hide the shock in this sudden revelation.

“What are you talk-”

“How?!”

“Loki, you need to rest.”

“How are you alive right now?”

Mantis ran over to Loki- who was now clutching his torso for his dear life- and touched his forehead, feeling the burn sear through her skin.

“He’s burning up!” she cried.

“Put him to sleep!” Nebula ordered.

“What the heck is going on back there?” Quill shouted.

“Nebula,” Gamora forced her sister’s attention to herself, “what is he talking about?”

“Get away from me,” Loki hissed at Mantis.

“You need help,” Mantis announced, her resolute voice breaking towards the end at the piercing green eyes looking at her with nothing but threat.

“Mantis!” Nebula shouted.

“SLEEP!”

Within seconds, the agony-struck figure of Loki was limp on the mattress, deep in sleep.

“Now,” Gamora fumed, looking at the ladies, “tell me what he meant by that before I cut both of you open.”

Before anyone could say much, Gamora felt her shoulder jerked by Quill’s figure walking in the middle of the scene, looking around him in pure confusion.

“What’d I miss?”

[makiema]

Hello! What makes you ship Levi and Eren? (always curious about how people get into ereri)

Hi there, anon! I wish I could’ve answered this briefly but you’ve asked me something that I could honestly ramble on about forever. I’d try to be precise but I’m afraid it’d still be quite long because I don’t have the time to summarise, so bear withe me please >.

Okay so first of all, I used to be more into Eremika than Ereri in the beginning and the precious Eremika moment from Chapter 50 owned my heart. Back then the 13 y/o me didn’t get shit about Levi and Eren’s platonic canon relationship. But the popularity of Ereri was overwhelming and even though they were far from being my OTP I still shipped them in AU settings mainly because the fanfics were excellent. Also, at that point of time, I was more invested in the Naruto fandom and SS was my only OTP. In fact, I didn’t even know about the Visual Novel until late 2015 or early 2016 (I don’t remember exactly) which made me really get into Ereri. Reading the VN actually changed my whole perspective on Ereri and made me realise the depth of their canon relationship. When I re-read the manga again after that none of their subtle moments were lost on me and that’s how the ship started growing on me. Since then I even began picking up on a lot of parallels, symbolisms, etc. associated with them and all of that collectively went into becoming the reason why Ereri is my OTP.

I probably cannot think up of everything that makes me ship them at one go. Also I have my internals next week and Im losing my mind. Anyway here are some of the reasons that immediately came to mind when I saw your ask:

• Levi equating Eren to “The Tyger” : The VN concluded with the first two stanzas of Blake’s poem “The Tyger”. The poem is taken from The Songs of Innocence and Experience and the entire volume focuses on two things : the transition from childhood into adulthood and the existence of both beneficial and malevolent forces in human beings. So in the novel, Levi’s understanding, acceptance and even admiration of both the humane and the monstrous potential in Eren is commendable : “A monster with perfect, fearsome beauty; that inspires awe” Also, Levi acknowledges Eren’s will that “cannot be made to surrender” and his drive for freedom that “people living like birds in cages won’t get”. This shows us how Levi realizes that Eren’s mental maturity is not that of a normal 15 yo; that his “experiences” have made him into someone much more gritty, resilient and strong-willed for his age. “The Tyger” here is the agent of free-will and the poem further emphasises on free spirit by incorporating references to mythological figures who’re deemed as humanity’s heroes, for instance, “seize the fire” refers to Prometheus who is mankind’s hero because he stole fire from Zeus. It is said that because of him mankind could gain knowledge ; that mankind could step out of the bounds of ignorance ( See the parallel with Eren who said how ignorance is the biggest obstacle to freedom in Chapter 112 ). Another hero alluded to in the poem is Icarus who grew his wings of freedom and attempted to reach the farthest point (dangerously close to the sun) even though he was burned in the attempt (parallels with Eren’s whole attitude of ‘no matter what kind of hell awaits me I’ll keep moving forward’ ). Yeah so, that’s how deep Levi’s understanding of Eren runs.( Can you imagine the entire arc of Eren’s character was foreshadowed in Levi’s thoughts about him?) To me understanding is the most important factor when it comes to a ship so, I think Levi’s pov in the VN is the biggest contributor to their development.

• The way Eren looks at Levi : Idk how cliched this sounds but yes, the way he looks at Levi honestly gives me life. Be it in the Forest of the Giant Trees, or in the Reiss Chapel or in the Marley Arc, his eyes say it all. Add to this his signature shaky way of saing “Captain?”, idk if it’s only me but that just carries so much feeling, so much angst, so many unspoken emotions right there. If Levi’s thoughts on Eren made me fall in love with Ereri in the first place then Eren’s body language when it comes to Levi made me fuckin smitten over them (i kid u not honestly this ship is one of the very few things that actually give me the will to live)

• Hope and Strength : Honestly, I love Levi and Eren’s roles as humanity’s strength and humanity’s hope because this actually speaks volumes about their relationship. If Erwin gave Levi’s strength a dimension then Eren gave his strength meaning. Their roles in canon show their inter-dependence. After all, what is strength without hope? I don’t remember who first pointed this out, but someone said that this is the very concept the Survey Corps logo alludes to. The Wings of Freedom are shown as blue and white because royal blue represents strength and white represents hope. So the Wings are symbolical of what Levi and Eren individually stand for as well as signifies their dependence on each other.

• Levi’s role as Eren’s guardian : I love him both as Eren’s protector and his mentor. (oh also let’s not forget Eren had a little crush on him,,how adorable 🥺)

We’ve seen Levi giving it his all to protect Eren multiple times. And when he couldn’t protect him during the Battle of Trost because of his injury we see him clenching his fists in frustration. Again, in RTS we see Levi quite baffled when Erwin orders him to protect the horses and not protect Eren. Also in the RTS when Eren got flung on top of the wall, Levi was visibly concerned and then when Erwin couldnt come up with a plan that’d guarantee their survival, he quickly suggested that BOTH Erwin and Eren flit from there. This goes on to show how Levi thinks Erwin and Eren are EQUALLY important for ensuring humanity’s survival. It is evident from here that his liege and his mentee both belong on the same pedestal and he’d do anything to save them. Levi similarly comes up with an abrupt suggestion again in Ch 112 to save Eren when the Soldiers informed him that the higher authorities plan on having Eren eaten. Even though he clearly disapproved of Eren’s actions in Liberio, even though Levi himself always adhered to rules and discipline, he still had faith in Eren and he’d never accept such a ridiculous order, even if it came from Pixis. (plus he remembers the first time he met Eren which sort of makes us realize that Levi still sees himself as Eren’s protector🥺)

Next comes Levi’s role as a mentor in Eren’s life. I think his words of advice to Eren is an important factor that made him the man he is today. Levi encouraged him to believe in himself, he acknowledged his willpower, appreciated his relentless drive for freedom and even goaded him on to make important choices by himself. The recent happenings in the manga made a lot of people say that Eren follows the principle of “the end justifies the means” but originally, to quote Levi: “nobody can dictate you on what is the right path or what is the wrong one till you arrive at a certain outcome resulting from your choice”. I think one of the major reasons why Levi kicked Eren in the Marley arc again was because the outcome that Eren caused (at least according to Levi and the SC) was making Paradis the enemy of the whole enemy of the world and also a mountain of civilian deaths. This is just head canon but I think Levi was mainly disappointed because Eren didn’t seek his approval (unlike in the Reiss Chapel incident where he urged Levi to have faith in him before jumping into action of his own volition). Him comparing Eren with the underground thugs also makes me assume that he was genuinely hurt because he thought Eren has become complacent to the point where he doesn’t see Levi as a mentor anymore. But, right after his voice trails with the “you too..”, we see Eren looking up at him with the same beaming eyes. Curious why he’d do that at that instant. Also, during Serum Bowl, Eren used his height as the trump card to tower upon Levi. It was the only time he actually defied Levi and he did manage to look 100 percent domineering. But, post time skip Eren grew in leaps and bounds and he could easily repeat that but HE DID NOT. In fact, he utters his usual “Captain..?” and his eyes also have the same look. So maybe he still sees Levi as his inspiration but he cannot express that because he’s in a bind and has to act distant and cold with everyone. After all in Chapter 121, in the memory panel, we did see him recalling that very moment when Levi first advised him on making independent choices. His role as the mentor in Eren’s life is therefore once again reinforced by Isayama and I think that adds substantially to their wonderful platonic dynamic.                                        ____________xxx___________

I probably couldn’t fit them all and even this is a terrible briefing. It is all so disarrayed and incoherent. I didn’t even get the time to attach pictures. Ugh, I’m so sorry anon ;-; I wish Uni would spare me some time to rant properly about my precious babies >.

[blondecarfucker]

Ocean Eyes (Roger Taylor)

Roger Taylor x Reader

BoRhap!Roger Taylor x Reader

Fic Summary: You're new in town and a blue-eyed boy caught your attention. You grow up to be best friends, but the possibility of being more is always haunting the two of you. Reader is also an art student who draws Roger constantly.

Fic Note: So I wrote this for @yourealegendfred's 3k words song inspired challenge. I have been trying to write this for a while now, but the story was missing a middle part, and that's where @pigfish27 comes in with a beautiful request that was already very similar to my idea for the fic (with the reader being very artistic and such), and honestly, don't know how I'd write this without her idea, so thank you!! Thank you too for the challenge and song inspo, yourealegendfred. I chose this song because 1) I like Billie Eilish 2) Roger's eyes are very hypnotic. If it's your first time here, hi! I adore Roger Taylor and I write a lot about him, including a long ass, 17 parts at the moment, fanfic, so my masterlist is in my bio! Can't link it here or else Tumblr will avoid showing the post on the tags.

Words: Nearly 4000

Warnings: a bit of angst in the beggining, SMUT, unprotected sex (it's not the 70s anymore kids, you know you should wrap it before you tap it), recreational use of drugs (that's up to you, but like, we all know it's the right thing to say "kid's, don't do it", so i'm saying it now). that are probably some minor errors cause im super sleepy

Ocean Eyes - Billie Eilish

I've been watching you

For some time

You remember the first time you saw Roger. You just moved to a new city, your 15th city in your 14 years, and you just got to school. Your mom promised you'd stop moving, but you didn't really believe her. You had no reason to.

So you got there, your school uniform ill fitting, and as you said goodbye to your mom in the car, you saw him. His hair was longer than the rest of the boys, his uniform shirt was creased, the first buttons open, his tie undone.

You watched him step on a cigarette butt on the ground as he held another one between his fingers. You couldn't believe how blue his eyes were behind all the smoke around his face.

Not only in color. He was joking with his friends, and you could hear them laughing, but he looked sad, his eyes unable to hide how blue he really was.

You recognized those eyes. Eyes like that looked right back at you every time you looked in the mirror.

He looked back into your eyes, too.

Can't stop staring

At those oceans eyes

But you only spoke for the first time in detention. You didn't knew why was he there; you got caught sleeping in bio again. You were drawing, trying to make time go by faster, when a hand pressed against your table. It was big in comparison to yours, and you noticed how callous it looked. You looked up and was met with his eyes.

"Could you borrow me a pencil?", he said, a smirk on his lips.

"Sure", you told him, and gave him one.

"What are you doing?", he said, as he sat back into his chair, scribbling something in a piece of paper in front of him.

"I'm drawing", you said. You only realised you sketched his hand a few minutes later. You looked at him, watching as he wrote something in the piece of paper. The word "drowse" covered the paper.

"Are you really drawing? Or are you watching me?", he said, aggressive after realizing you read what he wrote, moving the paper away from you. His eyes stared into yours. Angry.

"I can do both. I'm drawing you", you snapped back, and he looked surprised that you weren't intimidated by him. He smirked. "Do you want me to pose?", he asked. "Just look at me", you told him, sketching his eyes.

Burning cities

And napalm skies

Fifteen flares inside those ocean eyes

Your ocean eyes

You drew him a lot. He used to call himself your muse. You drew him drumming, his eyes narrowed at the effort. You drew him when he had his arms wrapped around some girl at a party.

You grew closer together, bonding over how you disliked that town. You couldn't believe this was the city that your mom settled on. Roger and you would complain about that as you shared a blunt on the side of the river behind your school, the sound of the running water muffling your complaints.

He liked how you never seemed uncomfortable around him, even when he was being cocky, and you liked how honest he was around you, never treating you like one of the girls he flirted with, just treating you as an equal to him.

No fair

You really know how to make me cry

When you gimme those ocean eyes

It wasn't until when you both moved to London for school that it happened for the first time. You both shared a flat, and you were sitting on the couch, drinking and smoking while listening to My Sweet Lord on repeat, and he was complaining, as usual. About the band he was in, about his classes, about the girls he was seeing.

You turned to him and said "God, Taylor. I don't think I can think of anyone else that complains as much as you do", and he scoffed. "Well, there's you. I can think of something else we could do", and you stared into his eyes, even more blue because of the redness around his pupils. And you knew what he was suggesting. You flirted sometimes, though you never really payed attention to it. But now, with the smoke clouding your brain, and his eyes staring deep into yours, you thought that he could do whatever he wanted with you.

And he did.

He moved his hand to your thigh, pulling you closer to him on the couch, as you kept looking into his eyes. He didn't break the contact, almost as if he was checking how far he could go before you stopped him.

But you never did.

I'm scared

I've never fallen from quite this high

Falling into your ocean eyes

Those ocean eyes

You were still friends with him, but you noticed a change in your relationship. Every time he'd come home with a girl after a gig, you felt an ache on your chest. You were used to that, emotional pain, but never before from him. You didn't realize how much influence he had over you. How much you could care about him.

And it was made worse by the fact that every few weeks, you would both fuck again - quick, messy, rough; you barely looked at each other. But you never really talked about it, not even joked about it to each other. "Don't overthink this", you told yourself in the mirror after a night with him, throwing water in your face, the bruises he made on your neck and cleavage staring back at you.

And even when those marks disappeared, you could still feel his touch on your skin. You forced yourself to go out with other people, but it was always him that ended up invading your mind.

He got further under your skin than anyone else; he wasn't just a good lay. He made you feel vulnerable, exposed, but also noticed. He saw everything that was wrong with you and was still there.

Cause the thing is, you knew his worst, too. His cheating on other girls - even with you, or when he'd call three girls in the same night just because he wasn't sure who would really come, and the three girls did, and he would then entertain two of them as the third waited on your living room, not in the mood for something groupal. The girls who waited on him to finish were usually pretty nice with you, since they visibly didn't care for sharing - one of them actually helped you pick an outfit to go out to a pub, one day.

And you were also used to his aggressive, drunk self that usually came before he started to vomit, and you'd always help him - holding his sweaty strands back, convincing him to take a cold shower, going out to the deli and getting him chips and a coke so he had something to eat before passing out. He'd done the same for you multiple times.

Or the first time you did molly together on a music festival - Roger bit his lips until they blead, and you kept dancing even after the sun went up again, burning your shoulders under the sun. The two of you took care of each other afterwards, and swore off molly.

You felt like a married couple, sometimes; only the two of you living in the same flat for nearly a year, occasionally fucking, knowing each other inside out. This thought only made it hurt more when you saw him with a girl that wasn't you.

And now, every time you fucked, you had to force yourself off the bed so you wouldn't sleep on his arms, no matter how much you wanted.

No fair

You really know how to make me cry

When you gimme those ocean eyes

I'm scared

I've never fallen from quite this high

Falling into your ocean eyes

Those ocean eyes

And then he brought a friend home one night - a guy that joined the band after the other guy, Tim, left. You know Brian, you even hang out with Brian when you go to Roger's shows and rehearsals, but you never really clicked.

Now this guy, Freddie, was almost a male version of you: very artistic, always scribbling something. Eventually, when Roger and you decided to move to a bigger flat, you invited Freddie to split the rent and live on the other room the flat had.

You felt close to Freddie, and you always helped each other out when drawing, borrowing pencils and brushes whenever necessary, and Roger just watched - he couldn't really participate in this new dynamic.

You even nearly stopped the casual fucking - the incidents, for the lack of a better word, would happen less often. It was almost like he felt Freddie was replacing him in every aspect of your life, but he wasn't - you and Freddie didn't see each other that way. But to admit it to Roger would be to admit you felt different with him, and you didn't want him to feel sorry for you as he rejected you.

Once you noticed that he feels replaced, though, you started to involve Roger in your drawings again - asking him to pose for you, drawing his car.

And that was good for you too, because you couldn't take him off your mind, now that you're getting less of him. He even started to show up in your school work, you knowing his face features so well that you drew him on everything.

One of your works was to remake pictures and cover art from pop culture with your own trace - and there was Roger's face in the same pose and with the same dim lights as Marlene Dietrich (one of Freddie's favourite pictures to the point where he has it framed in your living room), and there's Roger's face and body in the remake of the cover of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars, and there's Roger in the cover art for Aladdin Sane.

You didn't want to look creepy - and you know how creepy it was that you kept drawing your friend in each and every drawing and painting you did.

But you're used to drawing him - you started it when you were both 14. You knew the exact curve of his lips, the bridge of his nose, the format of his eyes.

I've been walking through

A world gone blind

Can't stop thinking of your diamond mind

And now you had to do oil paintings of the human physique - a nightmare for you, completely unaccustomed to oil paint. So you painted the body you knew best, and the one that you craved the most. It's been two months since the last time you had sex with Roger.

And one day, Roger came home and saw a painting on one of your easels in the living room - not an odd sight. But the painting itself caught his attention - a very detailed, realistic naked man. Once he got closer, he noticed how the man's skin tone was close to his, how he had the same haircut... the same face as Roger.

The realization hit him - you drew him naked.

He blushed.

Cause he always called himself your muse, but this was intimate - this was the way he'd lay in bed after you had sex. A part of your friendship that you never discussed.

He always thought of you as someone who's too cool for him - you never once looked intimidated by his jokes, flirting, whatever. You didn't really care. He thought you didn't give a fuck about the two of you - especially now that you had Freddie.

He tried to get mad at one of you two - but Freddie was too nice and a good frontman, so he couldn't fight him, and he could never get mad at you. All you had to do was say "Rog", in your husky voice and he'd be on his knees.

That was so unlike him. He was embarrassed, so he tried to play it cool. Pretend he wasn't hurt at the fact that you were probably fucking Freddie on his back.

But this drawing of him in a very vulnerable, intimate moment made him change his mind. Maybe you did care for him. Maybe those moments mattered to you almost as much as they mattered to him.

So he walked to your room, and knocked lightly on the door, getting in before you said "Come in". Because you never said it; you were listening to Purple Haze at maximum volume, only wearing a baggy white shirt with paint everywhere. He could see your black panties peeking from under it as you swayed your hips to the rhythm of the music.

He then looked to what you were drawing - he recognized his hair and body again. You were painting him nude, yet again. A devilish smirk appeared on his lips.

"Hey, Y/N", he screamed, and you jumped out of surprise, your eyes wide as you turned to face him. "Roger, what the fuck are you doing here?", you asked, trying to normalize your breathing.

"Oh, just checking out your paintings. It's a pretty hot guy you have as a model… I wonder who he is", he told you, ironic, walking closer to the painting.

You blushed for a moment, like a child getting caught. But you soon went back to your devil-may-care attitude - the one he was more familiar with. "Just painted the body I'm more familiar with", you shrugged, turning back to your painting so you didn't have to see his reaction. It's the first time one of you references the sex.

"It's fine. I'm honoured, really", he said, moving behind the easel so he could see your face as you worked. "My pleasure", you told him, dry. "I came here to offer my help, really", he told you, unbuttoning his shirt. "Thought you could use the real life model to make work easier", he grinned, and you looked at him. His voice sounded relaxed as usual, but his face looked tense. He was scared that you'd turn him down.

He looked so vulnerable, yet so beautiful - your bedroom had the best lighting in the house, and the sun on his skin made him look like Apollo himself, luminous.

"Sure. That'll definitely make the work flow faster", you shrugged again, but you felt a genuine smile forming as you saw him relax and start undressing.

Careful creature

Made friends with time

He left her lonely with a diamond mind

And those ocean eyes

And you painted him many times, for this project, for the ones that came after it, for your personal projects. It really made you bond again - but you didn't have sex anymore, which was confusing, cause you were seeing him naked more than ever, as he posed nude whenever you asked.

You were conscious that you were going out with even less guys, and that Roger was seeing less girls. Freddie was aware of your newfound chemistry, and always made jokes about how it felt to live third wheeling. You laughed, and Roger too, but you didn't knew what to do about it.

Then, one Sunday, Roger appeared in your doorframe, half dressed, a backpack open on his hands. "Do you wanna spend the day at the beach?", he asked, and you looked confused. "Roger, it's already autumn", you told him, and went back to scribbling. You were drawing his hands - now that he was wearing rings, they posed a new challenge to you.

"And what about it? It's better, actually. No one will be there to annoy us. You could paint me… C'mon, Y/N", he said, and you considered. It would be quite an impressive painting - the blue in his eyes and the blue of the ocean, the sand, his hair and skin mixing, too.

"Ok, Rog", you said, and started to pack your materials. "See you in my car in five minutes, then", he told you, and went back to dressing and packing at the same time.

The car ride there was a bit weird - you couldn't find a subject to talk to him, overthinking every idea he had. He wasn't starting any conversations, either.

Then once you got to the beach, you unpacked your materials, and he stood in front of you. "What should I do?", he asked, a bit insecure, and you let out a sigh. You didn't want to spend the afternoon in this uncomfortable feeling around him.

So you got up and said "Join me", as you started undressing, and wearing only your underwear, you jumped inside the cold water.

You screamed when the freezing sea touched your skin, and you soon heard Roger scream, too. "Y/N, why the fuck did you get me inside the water? It's freezing!", he screamed, and you laughed. "Thought you could handle some cold water, Taylor. But apparently I'm wrong", you told him, and splashed water on his face. "Oh, so you want war?" he asked, and started to tickle you.

You spent some time in the ocean, your bodies getting used to the temperature, joking and swimming. Once the sun got closer to the horizon, bathing everything in a golden light, you told Roger it was time to paint. You got off the water, and he followed you, watching your body as your underwear clinged to your wet skin.

But when you got to wear the beach towel was covering the sand - the perfect place for you to paint him - you were shaking, the cold wind taking away your body heat. "Hey, just a second", Roger told you before handing you a towel. After you dried yourself, he offered you one of his fur coats that was in his bag. You accepted it, the fur immediately conserving your body temperature, and you started to relax. Roger got another fur coat for himself, and also a bottle of tequila and a blunt from the bag.

"Cheers", he said, after drinking straight from the bottle and passing it to you. You drank, too, as he started to light up the blunt.

"How should I pose?", he asked, passing you the blunt.

"Just stay the way you are. It's perfect", you told him, and you started mixing the tones.

The painting was almost ready and the sun was setting as you got to Roger's eyes. He stopped posing for a moment so he could start a fire to warm the both of you.

"Thanks", you said, and he shrugged. "A way to apologize for barely passing you the blunt", he said, and you laughed. "It's okay, I barely passed you the tequila", you shrugged, too.

As you went back to painting, you were frustrated at his eyes. You just couldn't get their color right. He noticed you were stressed.

"Did I do anything wrong?", he asked, and you laughed. "No, Rog. I just can't get your eye colour right", you told him. "Why is that?" he asked again, and you shrugged again. "Don't know. They're usually pretty hard to get right, but I can do it most of the times", you said.

Maybe it was the reflex of the fire in his eyes. "I'll get a closer look at them, okay?", you asked, putting your work to the side and leaning into him, your weight on your hands and knees.

Roger looked at your body, warmly lit by the fire by your side, your black lingerie in contrast with the caramel fur. He knew how soft your skin was, and he craved feeling in on the tip of his fingers.

So he moved one of his hands so he could cup your jaw, and he saw as your breathing hitched. He hasn't touched you like this in months.

You moved one of your own hands to cup his face, and he felt the friction of the sand on your skin against him as you pulled him closer to a kiss.

None of you closed your eyes during the slow kiss.

You pushed him onto his back, and pressed his body against the sand with your own. You grinded against him as you kissed him again, and he closed his eyes as he groaned in response.

But you didn't want to hurry it - this was the first time you were fucking in months, yeah, but also the first time in felt so intimate - you were actually looking at each other during some of the kiss, and he caressed your waist under the coat, your thighs, with caring - he was not being rough for the first time. You could feel his bulge against your core, and you kept moving against it as you kissed him.

Until he had enough and started pulling your panties down, his index finger brushing against your skin under the elastic band.

You started pushing his underwear down, too, and his cock was already hard. You got on your knees, straddling him, so he could sit and take his boxers off. You then moved your bare core against the tip of his member. You both moaned.

"Just fuck me", he mumbled under his breath, his perfect lips parted. You leaned into him so you could kiss him as you pushed your body down his cock until he bottomed out inside of you.

You stayed there for a few moments, kissing him slowly, before you started riding him.

It was slow at first, and he kept his eyes on you, the electric blue driving you mad - everything around you seemed to pale in comparison. You only broke eye contact once one of you closed your eyes to moan or curse.

It was a different feeling - you could still feel the fabric of your bra against your breast as you kept riding him, moving faster and trying to keep a rhythm. You unclasped your bra, and Roger helped you off your coat and bra, and started kissing your breasts, but you could see he was having a hard time focusing on them, as you kept riding him. He was close.

But you needed to see more of him so you could come. "I need to see you", you told him, and he nodded, looking at you through his lashes and giving you a weak smirk as he took the coat off.

The cold wind was hard on your skin, but the temperature shock made you more turned on. Roger was even closer, and started to press sloppy kisses to your neck as leaned his head against your shoulder. You felt your legs burning of the effort of riding him, but you were now getting close, too, as you felt his skin against your hard nipples.

He moved his hand from your waist to your sensitive clit, and massaged it. You nearly screamed - the extra stimulation was what you needed to reach your climax, and he moved his hands to your hips to help you ride him through your high.

You felt tired and sleepy, but you kept riding him with his help, your head on his neck now, and he could feel your heavy breathing against his skin, and soon you could see the veins on his neck pop and his jaw clench as he reached his climax.

None of you moved for a few moments, until Roger felt you shiver in his arms, breaking up his embrace to get your coat.

You got off of him so he could get his own coat, but you didn't got up - you pushed him down again, covering your bodies with the coat as if it was a duvet. He chuckled as you put your head in his chest, and you look up only to see him facing you.

At that moment, the electric blue of his gaze made every other shade of blue around you even more intense - the sea and the sky. All because of his ocean eyes.

[gloster]

Favorite Fanfics of 2018

So after seeing so many booktubers and book people make a list of their favorite books of 2018, I figured why not do one for fanfics. After all, they are stories done by insanely-talented, creative people who deserve more love. Why not make a list of the favorites that really blew you away this away-along with hyping the people up who need more love? 

I implore you all to try, especially: @kila09, @scarlet47, @awjiminie, @profoundfelicity, @dreamydrarry, @sebbies, @goldentruth813, @sasuhinas-fan, @l0vegl0wsinthedark, @oh-my-fancan, @eyelashesandentropy. Show some love to your fics, share the recs. 

My favorite fanfics of 2018: 

1). The Changing Lights by @lazywonderlnds (drarry, featuring fem-Draco)

Summary:  Harry returns for an eighth year following the end of the war and soon realizes that although he's put his own animosity towards Malfoy aside, no one else seems to have done the same. When a hex leaves his oldest rival in the body of a female and ridicule doubles, Harry discovers that his hero complex is a difficult thing to fight.

THIS. FUCKING. STORY. OMG. OMG. First off, I have to thank @scarlet47. It is because of her and the insanely amazing fanart she did that I discovered this hidden gem. And I thank her for it since this has to be the best drarry fanfic I’ve read in the longest time.

It has been too damn long since a drarry fanfic had me hooked the way this one did. First chapter in, halfway through, I was hooked. I blew through the chapters, and am anxiously, eagerly waiting for more because it was so good. 

I also love it since I’ve been wanting to read a fem-Draco story. I know some drarry lovers don’t love genderbent drarry but I love it. I’ve read plenty of fem-Harry but sadly hadn’t come across fem-Draco. And the ones I managed to find were just okay.  This one though...set and fucking broke the bar. It makes me CRAVE and want more (feel free to send any recs featuring it). And I loved it so much that I wanna reread but I have to resist since I have a mountain of fanfics to go through. 

2). Oh Darling, Stand by Me by @beatitudinembty (BTS, taekook)

Summary: Kim Taehyung had never coped well when there was an angry alpha around, no matter that he wasn't the object of their fury. Wisely choosing to keep his mouth shut, he had ignored the flaring annoyance building up inside of his chest at being treated like a frail and delicate porcelain doll who did not know any better, once again.

He was not frail.

He was not delicate.

And he was also not anywhere near ignorant.

"And how do you suggest we do that?" Alpha Jeon asked eventually, tiredly taking a seat when he realised that Alpha Kim was not about to open his mouth any time soon.

"How else, Alpha Jeon," Alpha Park said easily, an eerie smile taking over her lips as she regarded both the Kings levelly, "Just like we have sealed our alliances with one another, of course."

If you would have told me that I would fall in love so hard, so quick with a royal-AU, I would either look at you like you are crazy or say...”That would have be one of hell of a story to get me hooked.” Most love royal-AUs, but I typically get too bored with them. Most take forever with the romance, others become too UNNECESSARILY angsty. The political aspect gets so tiring. This one though was the fucking JACK-POT. 

We have a royal-AU with both parties wanting to make the most of the marriage and go from friends to more, which I love and adore so much. Set in an Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamic world done so well. We have feisty, independent Taehyung who may be an Omega but sure as hell doesn’t let people’s narrow mind-sets get him down. We have Jungkook who’s the sweetest in the most softest of ways-and possessive in the most delicious of ways. READ. IT. If you love reading BTS stories, READ IT. If you love royal au with taekook, READ. IT. if you’re in need of a new BTS story, FUCKING. READ. IT. 

3). Love Yourself Series by @profoundfelicity (BTS: namjin, taekook, sope, yoonmin)

Summary: Linear stories revolving around themes of love, self-acceptance, and understanding.

This is a 3-story series following various couples: 

Pretty In Pink follows namjin

My Lovely Lilac follows taekook

Under Pressure follows Yoongi, JHOPE, and Jimin 

This series, this goddamn holy grail of a series-I could not just pick one story of them. Had to say the entire series since it’s THAT GOOD. All stories connect to each other, so even though one story focuses on one couple, the side pairings and characters still play a massive part in them. All stories tackle sexuality, gender norms, trauma, parental abuse and neglect, self-discovery, self-understanding, self-love.  ALL. ARE. FUCKING. AMAZING. ABSOLUTELY, RIDICULOUSLY, UNBELIEVABLY amazing. AND NEEDS TO BE READ BY ALL. 

I feel like this series is painfully underrated, since not too many BTS-fans I talk to know of it. And it’s so good. I honestly learned so much about sexuality, the different branches of it, and the harms of gender norms, rethinking the gender norms through these 3 stories than all the years I’ve been in school. It’s amazing. And is so important during the turmoil we’re currently in. Also the writer is a fucking, perfect, precious cinnamon roll who deserves all the nicer things in life. 

4). It’s The Most Wonderful Time (Of The Year) by @awjiminie (BTS, yoonmin)

Summary: Park Jimin is only three years old when he meets cooler, older, and smarter Min Yoongi for the first time, and is immediately enamoured.

For the first time in his entire life, Jimin feels an emotion he never thought he would feel: infatuation.

Not that he even understands what that feeling means.

All he knows is that there’s a small, pale boy at the front door of his home, right under the hanging mistletoe, firmly gripping his father’s hand and his mother’s skirt as he stares unabashedly into Jimin’s eyes, rendering him absolutely speechless.

Or

childhood best friends yoonmin growing up together and experiencing the complexities of love & relationships, as well as, the harsh realities of growing older over the years, on Christmas day

OH. MY. FRIGGERING. GOD. Warning to all: you will most definitely need a cavity filling from the vast amount of sweetness in this story. It is that fucking cute and so damn good. 

This, to me, is the epitome of sweet holiday goodness every person needs in their lives both during and even after the holiday season. Along with a nice mug of hot chocolate. Or something insanely delicious to go with it. We have yoonmin meeting as kids during the holidays and instantly falling for each other, we have side-taekook that comes along, we have the sweetest, most perfectly-done vmin friendship that just proves they are the definition of platonic soulmates (you will die reading chapter 3).

This story also holds a special place in my heart since I read it during a difficult time and needed some sweetness. Also got to know the author @awjiminie who is the sweetest, purest human being alive and needs love. 

5). Fate Worse than Death by @awjiminie (BTS, taekook)

Summary: For an immortal, five hundred and sixty-six years passed by in the blink of an eye, as time was endless and life was infinite. Yet, for Kim Taehyung, five hundred and sixty-six years of a meaningless existence passed agonisingly slow with each second dragging on to the next as he waited for the day that he would finally see his beloved once more. His beloved who had been ripped from him just as they were on the cusp of freedom. Freedom to finally live and love together without any barriers.

Kim Taehyung lived every day feeling as lonely as he did when he lost him, even when he had his coven to call family, his maker, Min Yoongi, and his lavish lifestyle in one of Seoul's richest districts where he studied at one of the most influential universities.

But nothing was the same. Not without him. Never without him.His lover, his life, and his everything. 

His Jeon Jungkook.

If I could sum up this story in two words, it would be this: HOLY. FUCK. If I could sum up the writer with the plots and twists and fucking cliff-hangers she throws my way, one word in my best Josh Peck’s voice: EVIL. Pure, goddamn evil. And I know for a fact @scarlet47 can agree with me on that one. But it is so damn good. 

Once upon a time, middle school me, along with high school me, was the BIGGEST, die-hard vampire fan. You can thank Twilight for that. And also Vampire Diaries, before season 4 ruined it all. However, like most vampire fantatics, my love for vampires died. Even though I have read the occasional vampire-trope in fanfics with my OTPS, it was just okay. 

This fucking story came out of nowhere and snatched me by my hair and didn’t let me until I got to the recent chapter. It reminded me why I fell in love with vampires in the beginning. Along with that, it also carries so many things I love, so many beloved tropes: reincarnation (which I need more of), enemies-to-lovers, a slow-burn that is so excruciating and so well-done with so many possibilities attached to it, the sweetest taegi platonic relationship that melted my heart. It definitely gave me Buffy the Vampire Slayer vibes, and those good, non-annoying alluring feelings Twilight brought to us when we first read it. 

Basically if you love vampires/in need of a vampire story/love angsty enemies-to-lovers story, you will love this. 

6). EPOCH by Sharleena (BTS, Yoongi, Jimin x Hoseok) 

Summary: “It's kind of fucked up that we feel like this, don't you think?” Yoongi asks.

“Yeah.” Hoseok says, Jimin shrugs.

“Maybe we should take this as a sign.” he says.

“A sign for what?” Yoongi looks at the boy and his thumb is rubbing circles on the soft of Hoseok's stomach.

“That maybe we should stick together.” Jimin whispers.

Yoongi doesn't speak for a long time after that, eyes staring at the ceiling where the red lights keep flickering.

“Yeah.” he finally murmurs, words almost getting lost in the echoes of the music “Yeah, we should.”

Or, they are different, but they were lost and their paths still crossed.

Before the end of 2017, if you had told me that I would be into poly-relationships...there’s a good chance I will give you a look questioning your sanity. I could never get into them. To me, it always felt like one person was being the shared toy between two people. That all changed thanks to several stories, including House of Cards (SO FUCKING GOOD) and Guns, Knives, and Lace that were discovered by chance, were read, and completely changed my mind on them. 

This story made me fall deeper in love with poly-relationships. So well-done, so-addicting, and you can feel the love equally shared between the 3 main characters who are all so different but fit each other so perfectly. 

It’s the kind of story that’s so good, you’re stunned by the number of chapters. 

7). Hear the Harmony Only When It’s Harming Me by @horsegirlharry (drarry, fem-slash)

Summary: Before the war, Draco was so certain of her looks, her breeding, knew exactly how to dress to accentuate her curves without ever looking cheap or tawdry. Now, her body feels strange and extra, like something that she’s forced to carry around with her, a lump of scar tissue that only fires a nerve impulse if it’s brushing knees with Harriet Potter over tea and stolen scones.

---

Or, Harriet and Draco finding themselves (and each other) after the war.

*lets out a low whistle* You know one of those stories you happen to find at random? The story you see on someone’s else’s favorite lists or their collection of favorite stories and become curious? Or, in my case, see a story with an intriguing summary and beautiful edit and you think, I’ll give it a try? And as soon as you finish the last line of the story, you are so grateful to past you for deciding to read it since the story ended up being one of the best perfect stories ever? 

Well this is that story. 

I know a lot of people aren’t the biggest fan of genderbent, especially with drarry. Even I who loves reading about fem-Harry or Fem-Draco get picky since most time you read a story with them, but they don’t feel like them. That wasn’t the case here. Despite the obvious genital changes and names, they felt like drarry. Personalities were right on point, their relationship development was perfect. It was seriously amazing. 

I suggest you give it a try. 

8). Pas De Deux by @julietsemophase

Summary: Harry has a show to put on and the last thing he needs is prima ballerina Draco Malfoy messing things up. But when Draco is injured, the two end up spending more time together and Harry wonders if maybe there's something between them after all?

Muggle AU. Smut.

Really, do I need to say anymore? Given how popular this drarry fanfic writer is? Given how insanely sweet and brilliant her drarry stories are? Do I need to say anymore more? 

I will say this: Ballet-Draco + Stage-hands Harry= one very, very, very happy reader. 

9). Say the Words (Say Them Out Loud) by @goldentruth813 (drarry)

Summary:  When Draco gets assigned as the Auror to guard Harry Potter day and night, he is sure nothing good will come of it. But as the days go on Draco is forced to evaluate himself and things he thought to be true about Potter and relationships. Sometimes it's not love at first sight. Sometimes, first, it's miscommunication and misunderstanding. A story in which Harry and Draco learn to accept the things they want from themselves and from each other.

Again, we see the name. We know the name. We love the name. We love the stories. Do I need to say anything more? Maybe not, since again, we all know and love this person and her amazing stories, but I will make this. 

One of the major things I loved about this story is the fact consent was a big part of the story, of the relationship. Safe to say, we learned, given the BS in the news, that sadly not too many people know the meaning of the word. Don’t seem to grasp the meaning. And this story definitely enforces it and I love it. 

Also LOVE how she did this story. How she wrote their relationship, which was snarky and witty but not tiresome or too annoying. Also, slight spoiler, but the career Janel had Harry be made me so happy. 

This whole story had me so happy, and I loved it so much. 

10). This Isn’t A Dream (Let Me Love You) by...surprise, surprise (NOT) @awjiminie (BTS, yoonmin)

Summary: As captain of his high school’s basketball team, Min Yoongi dedicated all of his attention to his team and their games. His focus on the game never waned, not once for anything or anyone.

Well, until head cheerleader Park Jimin flashed his abs during a solo cheer and made him fuck up his shot.

As we can tell, I clearly gained a new favorite fanfic writer. Seems fitting since I did join a new fandom, aka the phenomena that is BTS. 

What on earth can I say about this story? I feel like it’s one of those that you have to read for yourself to understand why it’s so good. Let’s face it, whenever we try to describe something and hype it up, it’s usually a fail and can never match the goodness of the story. But I will attempt. 

First off, if the summary doesn’t make you the least bit curious, I don’t know what will. Does it sound like a typical high-school AU? Yes, I mean we have basketball player Yoongi and cheerleader Jimin. It is a typical AU? Nope, definitely not. There is so much humor, so much angst, so much slow-burn that drives you nuts and makes you wanna kill the author for the way she ends her chapters but at the same time makes you 10x more thristy for the next chapter.

Also for reasons I cannot explain, but because an inside joke between me and @awjiminie, this story seriously unleashed the High School Musical fangirl in me. I don't know why. It's hardly anything like HSM but every time I read it, the songs play in my head. Especially Troyella.

This is definitely a story I cannot recommend enough. Cannot gush enough over. Please please read

And thus concludes my top 10 favorite fanfics of the year. To the writers who created them, thank you so much for your wonderful stories. I honestly you guys share the fanfics you absolutely loved this year. Doesn’t have to be 10. It can be more than 10. Less than 10. Whatever and how many you love

[sansanficrec]

Q&A  with ladytp

Grab a glass of wine and get to know @ladytp!

How long have you been writing fanfiction?

I actually went back to the folder of my first posted fanfic, and it was almost 6.5 years ago, September 2012… That was my first ever creative work I wrote as well, as I started quite late – being already adult, established professional and all that. So never too late to start, one doesn’t have to have grown up writing!

Did you write before that?

No I didn't - unless scientific publications are counted as 'creative' writing (well, to be honest, sometimes there was an element of creativity when trying to make one's data make sense, LOL!)

How long ago did you join Tumblr?

To be precise (as I like to be!) I joined March 1st 2013 – so almost six years ago… But it took me four months to make my first post (an awesome music video about ASOIAF and GoT), being initially a ‘lurker’ to observe and learn. I migrated there from Livejournal when things started to quiet down there – like a moth I was drawn to bright lights, moving images, and more of my fandom content!

What is the meaning behind your username?

My username is from the Livejournal times as well, as when I joined it, I didn’t grasp the significance of one’s url or username and just picked the first one that came to mind when filling in the details: “lady” and my initials. D’oh! Luckily I have been able to successfully have the same name in other platforms as well, which is great – it is easier than have many different names. I am also glad that it is not fandom specific, as my interests are many and varied…

What was your first fandom? First pairing?

Definitively ASOIAF – that was my introduction to the whole cultural phenomenon of ‘fandom’, devouring fics and joining communities (yeah, I am so far behind of everyone else – I used to have a life, LOL!). Sansan was my first ship, but I also had a brief period when I was very interested in Daenerys and Jorah (this was before I saw the show). Even though the show had a big negative impact on Sansan experience for me (not due to Rory, I hasten to add – but the storylines), it has still stayed my OTP in a sense that I feel most comfortable about writing them and their dynamic still fascinates me above anything else.

How/when did you first notice (or start to ship) Sansan?

My story is very typical; first reading their interactions after the Hand’s Tourney, then the scene of the Battle of the Blackwater – and I was hooked. Googling and finding fics, Livejournal communities and all the metas…no getting back from there! I mean; it is so blatantly obvious that I wonder who can read the books and NOT get the vibes??

Is there a SanSan fic you’re particularly proud of?  Chapter? Paragraph?  Plot?

Hmmm…’Which one of your children you love the best?’, in other words – always a difficult question! I guess I am still the proudest of “The Triangle”  It was one of my early fics, it was a long-fic, and it was about the subject I had been fascinated with for years and years; the complicated Arthurian relationship between 3 people who loved each other for different reasons (Arthur, Guinevere and Lancelot in the original, Sandor, Sansa and Jaime in the fic). Chapter-wise I am very happy with the last chapter of the “Kiss of the Blade”, as hard as it may be for some due to the character death implied. It has melancholy but also beauty, I thought when I wrote it. Plot-wise I am excited and happy about my current WIP “This Time, We’ll Do Better”, as although it has some common trope elements, I think they have somewhat cool applications and it is nice to write something more plot-orientated for a change!

Any comments you’ve received that stick out, even now?

I have to admit that again, “The Triangle” inspired some absolutely wonderful comments, probably because of its unusual premise. Towards the end, and especially with people who had read it in one go long after it had been completed, there were some wonderful convos going back and forth. I especially enjoyed the ones where people either told that they had had some reservations starting it, but then ended up really enjoying the fic, or the ones where they might have had some queries and doubts and questions, leading to a mutually fruitful and eye-opening discussions on both sides. Those conversations really blew my mind!

Do you use a beta?

I have had the privilege of working with two wonderful betas, of which I am eternally grateful. The first one was wildskysheri / wildsky, whom I “met” via Livejournal, and who betaed for me for “The Triangle”, “A Chance Encounter” and “A Premediated Reunion”.  She taught me – a non-native English speaker/writer – so much about writing and what to pay attention to and what to look out for. I owe her so much! After our ways parted amicably as she moved on to other things, I was without beta for a long time, not really actively looking for one, but when my path crossed with the lovely @hardlyfatal, I have once again had the pleasure of getting my words scrutinised by someone knowledgeable, making them better on “This Time, We’ll Do Better”. I honestly can’t speak highly enough for a beta who can make any writer and fic so much better!

Are there tropes/styles/genres you struggle with?  Any that are almost too easy?

I do struggle a bit writing babies and children, and hence haven’t written much about them… I don’t generally care for modern AUs either and would struggle to write a full story in a modern times – although who knows, maybe in a right setting, replicating the high stakes situation of the canon, it could work. Haven’t tried so can’t say for sure! Very fluffy genre is also something I don’t feel particularly comfortable with, nor anything where the characters are very young. And porn without plot is neither a genre I relish. The most comfortable genres for me are the slow-burns, where mature people interact with each other in a mature way (whatever that means…). First realisations of feelings, hesitancy, and all that. I also do like plot-driven stories that have a start, middle and ending. I am all open for fake marriage, bed-sharing, ‘there was only one room at the inn’ kind of genres – any kind of ‘forced’ situations where the characters are obliged to spend time together!

When you start a fic, do you know where it will end?  Or do you figure it out along the way?

There have been fics along both scenarios – some were started at the spur of the moment, with only vague ideas of where and how far they would go (”The Prophecy” comes to mind, which I started as a random holiday scribbling – and repeatedly apologised and updated my chapter number as it grew and grew and grew…). And there were the ones where even at the end I couldn’t decide what the ending should be, so I wrote two (for example “Past Was Such A Long Time Ago“). But for most I would have some idea about the ending at the start, and for some I would gain it somewhere early along the way. So yeah, it varies!

Do you have any rituals/conditions for ‘getting in the mood’ to write?

I mostly write over the weekends when I have more time, after getting up and having breakfast, reading my emails and checking on Tumblr and doing all the routine stuff one does – and then I open my doc and start writing… With my internet radio blasting on the background on some jazz or lounge or classic channel. I find it hard to write during the weeks after getting back from work and being distracted by mundane home things and TV and such.

Have you ever had writer’s block?  Any tips for overcoming it?

I did have a period well over a year ago when I felt I had ‘lost my mojo’. It was largely to do with the way the Game of Thrones show had progressed and changed the characters so much that I couldn’t recognise them anymore, and my initial inspiration of writing about them consequently suffered. Especially as the show canon started to take over the original book canon so strongly in many platforms, including fics. The way I got over it was to distance myself from the show and partly, unfortunately, also from the fandom (so largely focused on show). I had a nice break, didn’t read many fics, focused on books and generally took a step back. Then I challenged myself to write a new type of story, a plot-focused ‘action & adventure’ story instead of romance focused only. That inspired me to write again, and I have been riding on that inspirational wave ever since with my latest long-fic WIP!

Aspirations of publishing one day?

No, not really. It is a tough world out there, especially as writing has become more reachable to many people who previously might not have even considered it (yay, fanfic and other forms of creative writing and platforms encouraging it!), and publishing world is awash with submissions and self-published stories alike. Although I don’t know for sure, I suspect that wanting to become published would take much more effort and determination and will than what I have for now, as for me this is a lovely hobby, nothing more.

What are your other hobbies?

My absolutely biggest hobbies are food and wine. I have loved cooking, eating and learning about food and wine for most of my life and it’s really important for me. Cooking meals ‘from the scratch’ from their base ingredient is what I love, as well as learning to master new techniques, new cuisines and difficult recipes. When I travel, food is one of the main drivers for that too, and holidays are largely built around restaurants, regions, cuisines and wineries. Holidaying in wine regions and wine tasting is the favourite kind of holiday! Yet I also love everyday cooking – the beauty of this as a hobby is that I get to do it every day and can challenge myself, be inspired by it and practice it all the time!

As for other hobbies…not really… I follow the transformative artform that is WWE, especially Dean Ambrose, and love visiting historical sites and reading about history, but that can hardly be called an active hobby… I also make some photo and video edits for fun, but lately my writing has taken much of the time I used to dedicate to that. Yet I feel that what I have is enough – I have no desires for an active life with lots of different hobbies and activities.

Any tips for writers looking to post their first (or second, or twentieth) fic?

I hope this doesn’t sound too harsh, but it would be really cool if even those who write only for ‘shits and giggles’ would do some basic formatting and language checks… Things like how to indicate dialogue, spacing between paragraphs and when to apply them, and of course, basic grammar. There are nowadays so many websites advising about those things, as well as free tools (for example Grammarly), that they are accessible to every person with access to sites posting their stuff – and a simple Google search is your best friend. I recommend this because ignoring those things may easily drown even the most amazing story in these times of fic over-abundance.

Other than that, write the stories you would like to read yourself, and the scenarios you would like to see in the canon. Study the writing style of the writers whose stories you admire and see if you could pick up a trick or two from them (but not plagiarizing, naturally). And if you can, get a beta – it is not absolutely necessary, but would give you a second opinion and advice from a trusted person. Oh, and give yourself a break between writing and final editing – ideally have a buffer of chapters in a draft phase before starting to post, so whenever you write something new, you can afford to let it rest for a while before getting back to it with fresh eyes. And have fun!

Anything you’d like to say to writers in general?

Don’t get hung up on statistics or comparisons. Think why you are writing – is it because everyone does it and you feel you should too, or because you truly enjoy it, or because of the stories themselves, or because you have an internal urge to do it, or it is part of your social networking activities… all are valid reasons, but once you define what they are for you, the easier it is to focus on it and the satisfaction it gives to you.

Anything you’d like to say to readers in general?

If you like a fic, don’t be shy about commenting, as it truly means so much to the writers… Even simplest comment is gratefully received. If you feel like wanting to pass on constructive criticism, first ensure the writer welcomes it, then formulate it in the politest possible way with positivism thrown in as well (and of course, make sure it is actually constructive). Marvel the choices and abundance of fic availability and acknowledge what a joy it is to live in this time and age when all that is possible. Enjoy!

Anything you’d like to say to the SanSan fandom in general?

Do not give up hope – Game of Thrones is over soon and we can get back to canon content, hopefully soon with The Winds of Winter. Whatever the further story of Sandor and Sansa is there, we know how important it has been already and nothing can take that away!

Read LadyTP’s SanSan here!

Read LadyTP’s full library here!

[banshee-cheekbones]

happy fanfic writer’s appreciation day y’all!

I’ve been a part of the Unsolved fandom since November 2017, and I continue to be staggered at just how goddamn talented this fandom is. I’ve read so, so many thousands of words of quality fic, and I wanted to share a few of my faves with you! this list includes Shyan and ot3 fics, along with a few crossovers. 

ao3 and tumblr links are both included whenever possible; please let me know if any links are incorrect or broken and I’ll update them asap. please show these authors some love and appreciation, whether it’s through a kudos, a comment or a reblog! as always, please be certain to read the tags and ratings so you have the best reading experience for yourself. 

and now, with that being said, below the cut are 70ish fics, in alphabetical order, sorted by ship!

Ryan/Sara/Shane

A Perfect Piece of Ass, Like Every Californian by beethechange. 6866 words, rated E. ao3.   “Happy birthday, Shane,” Sara says. “I got you a Ryan.”

Comments: this is just pure, unadultered smut and frankly, we don’t deserve Bee. she’s so good and this is so good.

Civil Discussion by ricky_goldsworth. 1854 words, rated E. ao3. “Sara,” Ryan says, very seriously. “You can have sex anywhere, if you’re determined enough.”

Comments: in real life, I have an impassioned rant ready to go at any given moment about how dumb of an idea shower sex is, but this fic almost changed my mind. it’s that incredible.

Cotton by ricky_goldsworth. 561 words, rated T. ao3. It starts on a Saturday night.

Comments: clothes sharing is my favorite trope of all time, and this was super sweet and perfect.

Daisy Canfield Will Have Her Revenge On Los Angeles by ricky_goldsworth. 5852 words, rated T. ao3.  Once Sara becomes a permanent addition to the True Crime crew, it’s inevitable that she ends up roped into the filming for the next season of Supernatural, too.

Comments: This is the first ot3 fic I ever read and it made me fall in love with them. The dynamic is spot-on, and the way they fall together is very sweet and natural. 

ghoooOOOooost.mov by ElasticElla. 1542 words, rated M. ao3 & tumblr.  "Did I tell you Shane and I might’ve caught a ghost on video?”

Comments: not only does this fic have one of the best titles that I’ve ever seen, but I’m a sucker for Ryan being stuck on Sara and Shane, and this fic is a nice twist on that!

hands to the sky (show me that you're mine) by angelsaves. 3631 words, rated E. ao3.   Sara fills in for Shane on a Buzzfeed Unsolved Supernatural shoot, and she and Ryan totally see a ghost. The only way to keep it from infiltrating their nightmares is, of course, cuddling.

Comments: I love, love this, especially the Ryan/Sara dynamic! 

Ryan/Shane

a breath of myth and mystery by abovetheruins. 8295 words, rated M. ao3 & tumblr. At first Shane has no idea what the whole song and dance routine is about. All he sees is the familiar broad span of Ryan's back, the dimples resting just above his ass, the dip of his spine, and miles of bronze skin, until Ryan nudges his hoodie further up the length of his back, wincing as he carefully maneuvers the hem over what Shane realizes aren't actually folds in the fabric but lumps beneath it.

Comments: I’ve never been a huge wing!fic person, but this fic changed my mind. it’s wonderfully written, and there’s some extremely sensual moments that were a delight to read.

(a moment) by thisissirius. 1437 words, rated G. ao3.   Ryan is shivering when they get back to the motel. 

comments: Look, you can never have enough huddling for warmth! this is extremely sweet and fluffy.

and all the birds have flown by anarchetypal. 1575 words, rated M. ao3. Detective Madej knows Ryan Bergara is guilty, but there’s no evidence. Nothing will stick to him. He’s like smoke, and Shane can’t catch him.

Comments: I love a good serial killer au, and this is right up there. the narration is very different and unique, and I dig it.

and i'm puffing my chest, getting red in the face by pissedofsandwich. 6052 words, rated T. ao3.  Or: Shane is definitely not at all jealous of how close Zack and Ryan are getting during the making of Sports Conspiracies. Except that he is.

Comments: I love jealous Shane, and I love Zack Evans, and this fic has a multitude of both. the ending is fantastic.  

Back to You by punk_rock_yuppie. 6168 words, rated T. ao3 & tumblr. Shane wakes up and knows immediately that something is wrong.

Comments: this fic punched me in the heart. it’s a little bit angsty and a little bit bittersweet and extremely good. 

Be Your Teenage Dream Tonight by hapakitsune. 4203 words, rated E. ao3.   Shane wears a cheerleader outfit for #content and things get weird.

Comments: have you ever wondered if there was smut involving That cheerleader outfit? I’m here to tell you that yes, there is, and it is amazing. 

but still let me tell you that i love who you are by BooyahFordhamYacht. 1136 words, rated G. ao3. Or, five voicemails from Ryan that Shane refuses to delete.

Comments: I’m a sucker for 5+1 style fics, and the concept of this one is honestly adorable. 

cat(astrophe) by ElasticElla. 3218 words, rated T. ao3 & tumblr. “She’s hideous. And she doesn’t blink,” Ryan says, and just to spite him, the cat looks up and slowly blinks.

Comments: this fic is absolutely adorable. not only does Ella write the boys super well, but she also perfectly nails the mannerisms of a cat.

City of Angels by carrieonfighting. 2765 words, rated T. ao3.   Alternatively, two dorks skip work and go to the beach and don't even realise it's a date.

Comments: I’m a sucker for little slice of life fics, and this is absolutely wonderful. It also makes me want to move to Los Angeles.  

Coffee by YogurtTime. 2628 words, rated T. ao3 & tumblr. "Sometimes Shane taps a set of fingers against his hip to get him to move; there’s no time for words when you’re clocking eight orders every five minutes between 7 and 10 A.M even if the touch lingers and Ryan feels the touch burn until the end of his shift."

Comments: Look y’all, I’m also sucker for coffee shop AUs and this one is perfect. their dynamic is complicated and feels super natural, and the ending is very soft. 

Collateral Damage by istie. 5801 words, rated E. ao3 & tumblr.  Shane learns to walk in heels for a video - not just walk in them, but murder strut. Ryan doesn't want to admit he's into it, but ... he's really, really into it.

Comments: so y’all know that video about Shane walking in heels? this fic came first. it is hilarious and smutty and perfectly characterized, and comes complete with a cake recipe!

didn't know that i was starving (til i tasted you) by abovetheruins. 5289 words, rated E. ao3.  He was never like this, before. He’d always had the hunger under control, didn’t need to feed often or much at all unless he had gone too long without. Food sustained him just as well, though it never did quite sate that itch, the craving for skin and sweat, breath and heat.

Comments: I didn’t know that I needed incubus Ryan until this fic, but not only is it quite hot, it’s also surprisingly sweet and domestic!

First Anniversary. 1750 words, rated G. ao3. Shane's distracted, it's their first anniversary and Ryan doesn't even seem to remember.

Comments: This fic has been orphaned on ao3, but it’s very sweet, and I love the anniversary gifts! 

first, i have to be alone with you by alvaughn. 2144 words, rated M. ao3. Shane’s surprised Ryan hasn’t noticed.

Comments: Shane discovers Ryan’s choking kink and I am very into it.

From a Kiss to a Thrill by punk_rock_yuppie. 1602 words, rated M. ao3 & tumblr.  He’s sculpted and fit and the fact that he can throw Shane around like it’s nothing is just fucking great.

Comments: Did someone say size kink? The dirty talk in this is blistering.

fuck you (Can I Have This Dance?) by punk_rock_yuppie. 2565 words, rated E. ao3 & tumblr.   It starts in a bathroom and ends in Ryan's bed.

Comments: This is smut, pure and simple, folks. Very, very good smut. I won’t be able to listen to a certain Nine Inch Nails song again without thinking of it. 

ghosts can’t pick up power drills (probably) by anarchetypal. 1193 words, rated M. ao3. “What you’re suggesting is that we have sex in the exact spot where a dude was once brutally murdered with a power drill. That is what you’re suggesting to me right now.”

Comments: there is some a+ banter in this, and it’s a good fun fic!

he shoots, he scores by ElasticElla. 2417 words, rated M. ao3 & tumblr. If it wasn’t for basketball, he wouldn’t know exactly how good Ryan looks after scoring the winning point.

Comments: this fic was a present for me, and what a marvelous present. Shane fawning over how Ryan looks playing basketball, plus frottage? it’s truly wonderful.

Hold Your Breath, It Gets Better by beethechange. 10297 words, rated E. ao3.  Comments and summary: Essentially, Shane discovers Ryan’s anal beads. Shenanigans ensue. Very well-written, ludicrously hot shenanigans. 

Honey. 2472 words, rated M. ao3.  Alternatively: Ryan Bergara seizes the moment.

Comments: another orphaned fic. One of the tags on this is ‘sensuality’ and honestly, what an accurate tag. The first kiss in this is a+. 

Hot Scary Summer by thewindupbird. 11626 words, rated E. ao3.  The boys hunt some ghosts, make some impulsive choices, and try their best to sort out what it means to get to the heart of this thing.

Comments: The way this author writes kills me. The details, how thoroughly they get into both of their heads, the analysis of their relationship, it’s all so damn good. 

I love your bones (series) by thewindupbird. 32,357 words across three works, rated E. ao3. 

Comments: the precursors to Maelstrom, these fics are bittersweet and beautiful and painful, all in the best way possible.

if we’re gonna do this, we gotta do it now by floatingonthelehigh. 3331 words, rated T. ao3.  Shane gets Ryan to come to an old abandoned house with him. One of them, and you'll never guess who, gets more than a little freaked out. Featuring: pure terror! confessions of love! and a somewhat-terrifying framed photograph of a woman!

Comments: this is such a cute fic, with an exceptionally soft Shane just wanting to be alone with Ryan. it’s so fluffy.

if you believe in magic by abovetheruins. 2908 words, rated E. ao3.  Ryan has this theory – just the one, because it’s the only one that makes sense. Not that it actually does make sense, because… well, it doesn’t. Shane will say that it doesn’t, anyway. He’ll say that it’s ridiculous, that it’s illogical, that the only reason it exists in the first place is because it strokes Ryan’s ego, and hey, he’s not wrong.

Comments: this is a last minute addition, because I read it last night and my brain just kinda shouted hot damn the entire time. 

if you love me, come clean by juniperProse. 765 words, rated T. ao3.   Four times Ryan felt absolutely in love with Shane Madej, and one time he (accidentally) told him so.

Comments: I have a soft heart and fluff makes me happy, so this definitely made me happy.

i’ll hold your hand (but only if you want me to) by cactsu. 4466 words, rated E. ao3. (basically based on the ‘I’m pretending to be your bf because you looked VERY uncomfortable with that person at the bar hitting on you’ prompt)

Comments: Look, I’m a big fan of that trope, so I really enjoyed this!

i'll tell you about the magic (it'll free your soul) (series) by  punk_rock_yuppie. 18260 words across three works, rated E. ao3.  A variety of magical creatures inhabit the earth: werewolves, sirens, and faeries, oh my! The LA Buzzfeed office is chockful of these creatures; here are some of the shenanigans they get up to.

Comments: Features telepath Ryan, demon Shane and some delightful BuzzFeed shenanigans! 

I’m Gonna Keep You in Love with Me (for a While) by beethechange. 21847 words, rated E. ao3.  Comments and summary: Every fandom needs a married in Vegas fic. This is that fic for the Unsolved fandom. It’s one of the best things I’ve ever read. Bee writes developing relationships like no one else. 

i’m lost without you by bodhirookes. 7213 words, rated M. ao3.  Ryan's weekend long Star Wars marathon gets interrupted when Shane starts throwing rocks at his window, and it only gets better from there. As in, lots of boys crying and having life-affirming sex and Jake Bergara kicking ass and taking names better.

Comments: There seem to be surprisingly few high school aus in this fandom, but this one is A+. It’s perfectly sweet and nostalgic. 

In These Frozen and Silents Nights by beethechange. 25257 words. ao3 & tumblr. Planning a shoot at a remote cabin in Vermont the week before Christmas wasn't Ryan’s best-ever idea. Taking a leisurely walk in a blizzard wasn't Shane’s. Scrap the ep, there’s a new plan: survive the storm, stay warm, try not to kill each other, and figure some shit out along the way.

Comments: If you love Shyan in general or snowed-in fics in particular, you need to do yourself a favor and read this. The characterization is nothing less than perfect, it made me laugh, it gave me emotions... this fic is essentially perfect. The comment I left on it is embarassingly long and rambling.

it started like this by sky_somedays. 2465 words, rated T. ao3.   Shane thinks that if he can just pin down when it started, maybe he can do something about it. Think himself out of it, somehow. Understand the problem to solve the problem.

Comments: this fic feels like a series of vignettes, documenting some moments in their friendship/relationship, and the writing style is fantastic.

keep you like an oath by spoopyy. 11850 words, not rated. ao3.  "I'm in love with you," Ryan says, desperate.

"No, you're in love with the views."

Comments: Fake relationships and couples getting handcuffed together for 24 hours, with a dash of angst? What’s not to love?

Maelstrom by thewindupbird. 40433 words, rated M. ao3.  Here’s the thing about driving halfway across the country to see someone. You can’t really deny, after that, that you’re pretty much head over heels for them.

Comments: I can’t put my feelings about this fic into proper words. Please just know that it’s probably one of the best things I’ve ever read, and that’s including published works. 

Maple Close (series). 5450 words across three fics, rated E. ao3.

Comments: an orphaned series, but the author is absolutely amazing. This series is about Shane and Ryan growing up together, and it’s beautiful, and the nostalgia is utterly magnificent. like childhood friends? how can you go wrong?

Missed by ricky_goldsworth. 547 words, rated T. ao3.  Aren't you tired every day? / 'Cause I run through your brain / Hold me down, keep me safe

Comments: the opening line of this fic is one of the most beautiful sentences I’ve ever read, and the whole thing is utterly gorgeous.

naked love (don’t you dress it up) by abovetheruins. 5107 words, rated M. ao3 & tumblr.

Comments and summary: The summary is a bit long for this post, but essentially, Ryan finds out that Shane likes to walk around his apartment naked. Wonderful shenanigans ensure. The fic is truly a delight. 

Netflix by YogurtTime. 958 words, rated M. ao3 & tumblr.  "A lot of people liked great movies. None of those people were Shane."

Comments: The prose in this is super unique, and the way they bond over movies is lovely.

oblivion by rocketshiptospace. 2546 words, rated G. ao3. “So, how long have you and Shane been dating?” Jen asks.

Comments: this is so damn fluffy in the best way possible and features a marvelous cameo from Jen. It’s adorable.

one, two, three by adelaidebabe. 3957 words. ao3. ao3.  Shane's a dancer with a dance competition the next day. Ryan's still a ghost hunter. The theater may or may not be haunted. (It's not.)

Comments: I love dancer!Shane, and we all know that I love meet-cutes, so this is perfect for both of those.

only a week by Hugabug. 663 words, rated G. ao3 & tumblr. How lucky I am, that I have something that makes saying goodbye oh so very painful.

Comments: this fic is so sweet and cute, dear god. Give me all the fluff.

our hopes and expectations, black holes and revelations by ElasticElla. 3442 words, rated T. ao3 & tumblr. Live interviewing always carries an inherent risk. A stupid, unnecessary risk if you asked Ryan. May the record show, that it was in fact Shane’s brilliant idea to do a live video q&a.

Comments: I love everything Ella writes, and this is no exception. the kiss towards the end of this fic is amazing and the banter back and forth is so good.

Por Favor, Sweetheart by carrieonfighting. 759 words, rated T. ao3.   Two dorks raise a baby and don't even realise they're doing it together until it's too late. 

Comments: I normally don’t like kid!fic very much but good god, this thing is utterly beautiful. It made me bawl. 

Shut Me Up by YogurtTime. 6274 words, rated E. ao3.  "You never seem to shut up when I'm touching you." Shane and Ryan play a very very terribly executed rendition of the quiet game.

Comments: This fic is incredibly NSFW and is absolutely amazing. And the ending made me burst out into hysterical laughter. 

snowed in. 1424 words, rated E. ao3.

Comments: The ‘being snowed in together’ trope is one of my favorites, and this was actually written for a prompt I left at the kink meme, so I was guaranteed to love it.

the calm before crescendo by abovetheruins. 6731 words, rated M. ao3.  Alternate title: 5 times Shane Madej was flustered by Ryan Bergara, and 1 time he finally did something about it.

Comments: I’m just such a damn sucker for pining Shane. The sequel to this fic (lights and thunder) is also magnificent. 

The Denial Twist by beethechange. 35108 words, rated E. ao3.  Or, the one where Shane and Ryan have some really weird dreams and perhaps, eventually, some sex.

Summary: One of my top five favorites in the fandom. The concept is a+, and this fic made me burst out into cackling laughter multiple times. Truly a delight.

The Devil Went Down to Denton by ricky_goldsworth. 27771 words as of the time of this list, still ongoing. rated M. ao3. A supernatural punk rock story about boys in bands, their immortal souls, and poor decisions made therein.

Comments: I love this fic. It’s got found family, pulp realism, demon Shane and boys in a punk band, and Gray writes Zack so well that I fell in love with him. 

the serial killer ryan quartet (series) by ElasticElla. 10,263 words across four fics, rated E. ao3 & tumblr. 

Comments: this series is exactly what it says on the tin and it is fantastic, but also extremely intense, so please mind the tags!

thin ice by rocketshiptospace. 1529 words, rated G. ao3.  Or, the boys end up frozen and wet after a disasterous shoot in the woods. Shane helps Ryan get warm again.

Comments: I fucking love huddling for warmth, and this is Perfect.

Things That Go Bump in the Night (and 7 till 12 at weekends) by HoopyFrood. 4558 words, rated G. ao3.  Shane works at a Haunted House. Ryan is Ryan. Things go about as well as you'd imagine.

Comments: if y’all like meet-cute fic, then boy do I have the fic for you. this was one of the first fics I read in the fandom and it is adorable.

tongues on electric sockets by ElasticElla. 1702 words, rated T. ao3 & tumblr.   It’s been not-raining over the dog park for eight weeks now. All of the council members say to ignore it, the unknown will fix it when they deign to.

Comments: sort of a WTNV fusion, this fic is super unique and atmospheric and spooky.

Untitled Tumblr Fic by en-sam-malas. 908 words, rated G (I think), tumblr. Written for the prompt Shyan and drunken confessions. 

Comments: Have I ever mentioned how much I love love confessions? This is fluffy and sweet and I adore it.

Untitled Tumblr Fic by en-sam-malas. 714 words, rated G. tumblr. Comments: there’s lots of hand-holding and fluff here, and it made me cry from joy. 

Untitled Tumblr Fic by theawfuledges. 934 words. tumblr. Written for the prompt ‘making out in the forest on the bigfoot hunt because too much beer’.

Comments: look, I just love fics that involve making out, and this is genuinely perfect.

Vampire by YogurtTime. 1022 words, rated E, ao3 & tumblr. "The first time Ryan had kissed him, he’d tasted the murder on Ryan’s tongue."

Comments: I’m a simple person: I love vampire aus, and this is a beautifully gory, perfect one.

waiting here for catastrophe by anarchetypal. 2140 words, rated M. ao3. “Ryan.” Shane breaks off and sits down again, slides his chair closer to Ryan’s, stares him down. “God, fuck, look at me, okay, I did this. I did this, this is my case, this is mine, everything you’re talking about—”

Comments: another serial killer au, this time with a dash of humor! the dialogue in this is on point, and it’s a really interesting variation on the au!

walking in the wind. 2853 words, rated M. ao3. In which Shane and Ryan go on a hundred dates and fall in love along the way.

Comments: I love everything about this fic. The concept is A+ and the ending made me cry in the best possible way.

wasted on you by cursingcursive. 1950 words, rated M. ao3.  there's a reason shane loves when ryan wears his clothes.

Comments: look, I just love clothes sharing so goddamn much. I can’t help it. 

wear it well by ElasticElla. 2171 words, rated T. ao3.  Summary & comments: this is basically a serial killer au with clothes sharing. Obviously I loved it.

what’s the point of this again? by touchinghearts. 9317 words, rated T. ao3.  When Ryan invites Shane back for a holiday week to meet his family during a big reunion, it doesn’t even occur to Shane that it could be a big deal.

Comments: I love family fics, and oh boy does this deliver. Ryan’s family is such a delight in this, and seeing Shane become part of the family made my heart skip a beat. 

YELLOW SQUARE by dejavu. 15915 words, rated M. ao3. (Or; Ryan and Shane spend four nights in one haunted house—four nights twisting closer to either each other, or insanity)

Comments: this fic is absolutely incredible. the suspense is built up really well, the chemistry is incredible, and the first kiss stopped my heart.

you can take off your skin in the cannibal glow by ElasticElla. 3172 words, rated E. ao3 & tumblr.  Ryan refuses to believe it at first, despite the mounting evidence.

Comments: another vampire Ryan fic and per usual, the banter is spot-on.

Ryan/Shane/Zack

i'd love to hold you close, tonight and always by ElasticElla. 1304 words, rated E. ao3 & tumblr.  Or: sometimes Ryan just really needs to get fucked.

Comment: Ella is a gift. the fact I managed to write a coherent comment about this fic is a miracle, because it fried my brain. it continues to fry my brain when I go back and revisit it.

Ryan/Steven

I Stop Breathing when You Smile by punk_rock_yuppie. 2135 words, rated G. ao3 & tumblr. Ryan unwittingly falls in love with Steven's smile.

Comments: I am contractually obliged to fall in love with a rarepair in every fandom I join, and here’s one example. This fic is absolutely fluffy and so damn sweet. 

Ryan/Zack

building up that anticipa- by ElasticElla. 666 words, rated M. ao3.  “What kinda favor would you like then?” Zack asks, eyes dragging down in a way that makes Ryan wanna toss all his morals out the window.

Comments: the frat boy au of my dreams that managed to wreck me in under 700 words. 

Shane/Steven

after the storm (your body feels so warm) by cathect. 1394 words. rated G. ao3.   or, the one where Steven is afraid of thunderstorms.

Comments: I’m in love with this fic and how soft and sweet it is. 

[the-land-of-eternal-winter-novel]

As I promised, the genesis of my novel:

It was around March or April 2019, and I was reading this Hetalia fanfiction called A Blend of White and Red or something like that, it was with my favourite ship at the time etc. I really really liked the fic but then realised it was more my projection rather than it being a masterpiece (although still good, and the best for that ship). The plot was, in very large strokes, a sort of enemies to lovers, princess + bodyguard type dynamic and also ofc runaway princess etc. This fic marinated in my mind for the next month. I was in a very bad writing slump.

May 2019, preparations for a national linguistics competition, daydreaming instead of studying. For the first time in my life as a writer I just decided to put pen to paper and write without any outline at all the first story that came to mind (not to force myself but like as a fun exercise because I already daydreamt a story). Within the span of three days I churned out about 18 A4 pages written in pen of what was then my "short story". Simple, to the point and kinda cliche.

Character inspirations

Oh boy this is going to be embarrassing here we go

Anatoliy was based on Russia from Hetalia (Ivan), specifically the role he played in that fanfic. Personality differs a lot for obvious reasons

(Hence why the Empire is Russian inspired)

Kęstas was based on Lithuania from Hetalia (Tolys), again specifically his appearance from that fanfic. Also the personality ended up very different even in draft 0.5

And so on (Sveta- Hetalia Ukraine, Elena- Hetalia Belarus, Radek- Hetalia Poland, which explains mostly the physical characteristics I guess. Its hard for me to imagine stuff like that from scratch. The personalities differ very very much even in draft 0.5 and even more in draft 1)

Draft 0.5

I decided upon the siblings' names from the very very start: Anatoliy, Svetlana, Elena. I wanted them to be Russian names in the semantic field of light. My basic premise was: rewrite that one fanfic you loved but with OCs and frame it as a Eastern Europe winterland fantasy (as opposed to Nordic inspired winterland).

The main character was Elena, a princess, the youngest of 3 siblings, and her love interest, Kęstas (he also got the name from the very beginning, again very symbolic and stuff, it literally means long-suffering, as in patient iirc), who was a sort of servant but actually a long lost heir. Sveta was the rightful ruler to the empire but she was locked away in a tower etc. Anatoliy was the villain. He seemingly only opposed the relationship between Elena and Kęstas because of classism, but it was revealed that he had killed his parents, the monarchs of the neighbouring country which he then conquered.

There is of course the revolution but there was no Gintarė, or Žydrius yet so Elena and Kęstas served this role. The scene in which Kęstas confronts Anatoliy is similar to draft 1. Anatoliy reveals that he only killed out of revenge, being absolutely convinced that it was them who plotted and killed his father first.

Sveta get rescued, gets her rightful throne, Kęstas becomes king as well and marries Elena, and Anatoliy gets exiled to work in a literal pigpen. The last scene is, years later, Sveta coming to visit her brother and hugging him, dirty etc, and him crying, his last words on the page being "I was a madman".

Redemption arc

It was clearly alluded to în draft 0.5. I stopped writing this story thinking it was only a short story and wrote a 11 chapter fanfic during that summer. Autumn come, I had fresh forces. Suddenly I felt I could do more with these characters, and first thought about Anatoliy, how he was this "sympathetic villain". Since draft 0.5 even, I didn't want him to be the type of person who just kills, but a complex character living in some sort of contradiction. I firmly established that he loved his family, and his evil deeds came from hating his enemies so to say. I also dabbled a lot with what if he was actually insane lmao (he isn't). The moment I imagined this guy's childhood it was game over for me. I was like. Yes my blorbo. You shall be upgraded to main character status.

Then I realised I found myself in the position of writing a crime and punishment type of story, which again was something very new to me. My child self would hate knowing what I've become (storytime about how I hated Crime and Punishment and Anna Karenina a decade before actually reading them because "it portrays bad people in a good light". Child me had Opinions and said Opinions were life vs death situations, ok? Storytime about my actual reaction upon reading those books incoming one day). Was I going to do it? Write a "villain protagonist". Yes yes I was. Did I feel low-key guilty at the very first? I wouldn't be Alexandra if I hadn't tbh.

Brainstorming for draft 1

I filled out like 2 sketchbooks just with these guy's backstory and relationship with the other characters. I was adding an endless amount of character solely on the criterion of "what would a Royal family member realistically have in terms of relationships.?" Answer: obviously be married and have kids since it would be controversial otherwise. Etc) I split Anatoliy in two: the part of him that was about killing somebody because of a conspiracy and then feeling guilty and repenting etc was now Anatoliy, and the ruling the empire illegitimately and conquering neighbours part became Grigoriy, his uncle.

Somewhere along the line I decided, hey this very story is about forgiveness and redemption, it cannot exist in a fantasy (read: magic) universe. So I really doubled down on the Christian elements and made them explicit instead of implicit. I had the story take place in some sort of "real world but not really", in the year 8048 (hint: it's a different calendar, don't imagine alien colony on Mars type stuff. Or is it? - vsauce music). Every country has a fictional counterpart which I haven't found names for even now in 2022. The main countries were ever since the beginning "Russia", "Lithuania", "Poland" and any other country that would realistically find itself linked with these.

Again as I said I decided to make the story explicitly Christian because the theme of forgiveness is so intrinsically Christian it just doesn't make sense to avoid it. I decided Anatoliy would be the perfect candidate for a "extremely legalistic person does a very bad sin for the first time in their lives and their whole world crumbles" type of character. Radek, who in draft 1 is his main foil (and Kęstas only his second foil I guess), is supposed to be a "mature Christian" archetype.

The fact that Anatoliy changed from villain in draft 0.5 to protagonist in draft 1 completely shifted gears, but also provided a built in conflict. Instead of the repentance being the epilogue, now it takes place near the beginning (spoiler??? But like I literally market this thing as a crime and punishment type story so idk..... you should've seen this one coming. Also this sparks a hilarious conversation about spoilers in Christian media. Character X gets saved. NOOOO why did you spoil it now it'll be less suspenseful))))))))))))) ) This means that now he has to put in the effort to reconcile with the people he wronged and also try to stop a civil war, without the last page being able to hide his behind. Oh yeah I love being a writer. (What I discovered about myself as a reader and writer during these times is that I no longer like endings that are just beginnings. Why END with the wedding when that's just the beginning. Why END with the character getting saved when the stuff after is more important and more interesting)

First 8-9 months of 2020: wrote draft 1

September 2020 to present times: too busy to write but also brainstorming very much instead so at least it's ok

Draft 2 is going to be an almost complete rewrite. I don't mean I'm going to change the esssence of the story, that would ruin it. I mean I will rewrite every scene, add many scenes, change the chronology, work on worldbuilding, work some more on the already existing character arcs and relationships, add some characters and incorporate their arcs, make said worldbuilding matter, include much more backstories, and possibly change from scratch everything about internal and external politics in the narrative.

Non spoilery announcements for what I've brainstormed so far

SAVVA, his character arc and his relationship with his wife

In draft 1, he was in a way the right hand man of the main villain. He was ex military, which made him traitorous since he joined the revolution. He had a bad relationships with his wife bit it got resolved fast(?)

In draft 2 he will play a much larger role. He will appear from the 1st chapters instead of 3/4 in, and have some explicit (vs implied) conflict with Grigoriy and the army in general. The relationship with his wife Prosya will be much more complex, not being bad from the start but a combination of many things which are spoilers I guess. Prosya herself has her own arcs

SIDE CHARACTERS

I will introduce new characters who will have reactively minor roles but who will in some way nuance character dynamics and the worldbuilding hopefully. These include a writer, an inventor, another anarchist revolutionary, another third movement revolutionary, and other royal family or nobles other than the main cast.

WORLDBUILDING

If you are currently reading draft 1 and thinking to yourself that the geography makes -1 sense, then fear not! I know! And I will fix it! Hopefully! I've been thinking a lotttttttt about this this year and not only. I still want it to be this not our world but kinda yes but not fantasy but not typical sci-fi kind of vibe. I'm going to use the word steampunk here I guess but it doesn't have the usual tropes only the aesthetic.

I've been thinking about the nature of their cataclysmic war and how it would impact their society. I also thought about technology and how people react to it. I'm going to try my hand at and hopefully not mess up themes such as rewriting history or legend vs truth, the search for truth, conspiracies, conspiracy theories.

Also one thing that applies to both drafts. I made this story first and foremost for my personal wish fulfillment: I wanted to see a winter Wonderland which wasn't Nordic but Slavic. I wanted a world that felt vintage but not the actual past of the real world. I wanted and felt it was more appropriate for me to approach my themes in a society that was predominantly Conservative (it just makes more sense that somebody like the strict and unforgiving Anatoliy would've grown up in a strict Conservative environment rather than a Liberal one. I want to explore the difference through Akim, who is one of the only Western characters in the story. Yes, he is a "Florida" man confirmed.) But obviously in their world with a different history Conservative and progressive mean very different things than in our world. By the standards of our world their progressives would not be at all considered progressive. What I've done with the story was, before I even began the plot, create a country I would like to live in and then spend the next 250+ pages telling myself no even your perfect country is bad actually because people are very sinful even Conservative Christians etc.

Yes this is very much an "author's experiences and worldviews impact the narrative consciously and unconsciously" situation. Without getting too personal let's say that what I feel about life is "Home is nowhere". The main themes are vengeance, forgiveness and justice but also. No matter how hard you try on this side of Heaven things will never be good (on a country level or large scale I mean). Sorry to be pessimistic on main. I sincerely hope this story will be beautiful and meaningful even if sad. It is not tragic at all. More like. Phyrric victory if I may describe it as such.

As a closing thought, I was thinking why did I even name my novel The Land of Eternal Winter? (It was the placeholder name but I got attached). The objective answer is that it was based on a chapter title from a previous novel in which the main character finds himself back in Russia now fighting in Stalingrad (it is not a good novel even if the concept sounds cool, I wrote it aged 15). The Land of Eternal Winter is the most poetic and yet very stereotypical way in which I can describe this country I have a weird fascination with. I guess I just like the cold. Or the language or the history. (Obviously hate everything about it post 1917 sorry not sorry. Commies know what I think about them already. Putin is a communist as well and you know it. I am practicing self restraint now btw)

But the title The Land of Eternal Winter, while it designates the actual country in which the main plot takes place, country which is a fictionalised tsarist empire, long ago stopped actually being about Russia. In universe I guess they call it like that because of bias or whatever. Like look at that frozen wasteland huh, no life can grow there much less love and mercy. But why Eternal. That sounds very spiritual and not in a good way. Is their country a hell on earth?! No????? Like. Firstly if it was hell on earth it would be summer because fire heat etc. But like. Although I love winter and it is my favourite season I am aware that people hate it very much. I am aware that global cooling leads to famines and the like. Obviously a Winter that is Eternal cannot be good. Even if it was winter in the innocence I imagine it in, it could never he heaven on earth. You would never describe heaven as cold (although you may describe it as white or bright I guess). And given that in this country people conspire against eachother and kill and lie etc all the while the people ruling it are supposed to be Christian also barrs it from the possibility of it being heaven from the very get go.

But it was not meant to convey that it was hell on earth!!! Firstly you wouldn't describe hell as cold (but maybe you would call it barren or dry so there's that). Then it is not meant to be a dystopia! Things are bad but roughly as bad as any country ever. Again it would actually be my utopia except for the fact that it could never work out. Also it was not meant to portray purgatory!! Firstly because I don't believe in it, secondly because it's bad symbolically. Like what, people get somehow cleansed of sins just being in this country. Neither am I describing a sort of limbo or in between of heaven and hell. Actually you know what is in the middle of heaven and hell? The earth.

Again that's a problem because if it symbolises the earth its again theologically bad. Earth is nowhere near eternal. Or maybe land just means the condition of man here. The condition of man is to forever be cold and unforgiving. Well that's a man who didn't get saved so again hell.

Or maybe it's just hyperbole, because I always express myself very hyperbolically. This can work both intra and extra diegetically. In universe it can mean something like... your wicked empire will Never Change TM you will just keep being cold hearted etc. Meta textually it would mean: things are Never TM going to get better here on earth, people will Always TM be cold and unforgiving. Which is like. See that's how I expressed myself above. Things are never going to get better at least at the macro scale (on this side of eternity, they will get solved in heaven). I guess it can even be apocalyptic in the sense of "the final judgement is delaying infinitely" or whatever people say when they get impatient with living in this world. Then again I think since this isn't a fantasy in which the main characters literally are immortal or whatever, the reader already understands that the Eternal part is more perception than literal reality.

Well I got existential again. Hopefully you guys made sense of my thought process now. Writing this novel has been and still is such a journey, and I'm so grateful for every little and not so little experience. I thank God for giving me wisdom so far and I pray for wisdom yet again as I prepare to get to writing draft 2.

Me: I have a new antagonist!!

*five minutes later*

Me: I need a new antagonist.

Them: wtf happened to the last one?

Me: He is my son and I love him how dare you suggest-

[agameoftragedy]

Rhaegar, Elia and Lyanna

I have no idea why I’m entering this discussion. Maybe I’m a masochist. But my thoughts anyway...

I see all this discussion around Rhaegar, Elia and Lyanna. And so many people talking with like absolute certainty about what happened when really we have quite limited information and a lot of that information comes from unreliable narrators with intense biases on the subject.

I should point out that I don’t care about shipping: it doesn’t have to have happened like that in canon for you to have fanfics and whatever about it if you like a pairing or a dynamic, or if something totally squicks you out. Let’s chill on that.

But here’s how I see the clearer facts: from Dany’s vision in the House of the Undying, and what Barristan indicates about young Rhaegar, Rhaegar was very into his prophecies. He believed his children were important to at least one prophecy, and thought he needed (at least?) three of them. Elia’s health after the second pregnancy made it very risky for them to have a third together. Rhaegar then ran off with Lyanna after the Tourney of Harrenhal and seems to have left her pregnant in a tower protected by Kingsguard (and then everyone dies).

We don’t know the balance of Rhaegar’s emotions vs prophetic beliefs in the last aspect. We don’t know how romantic or practical either of Rhaegar’s relationships were, in either direction (Ned and Cat developed towards love but not everyone does), or how formalised his relationship with Lyanna was. We don’t know how much he told Elia about the prophecies, and (if he did tell Elia) we don’t know how much of it she believed.

And so one thing I’ve seen is people fighting about is whether Elia was cool with the situation. I don’t think it’s impossible, but I think the requisites for it being the case assumes a lot. I think she would have to know and believe to some degree in the prophecy Rhaegar believes in, to agree that Rhaegar needs a third child and to consent that he might take somebody else to provide said child for the sake of Elia’s own health. I also think Rhaegar may have believed the third child would be female (Visenya), which might have assuaged some of Elia’s fears for her own children. But she probably may not have foreseen Lyanna specifically, depending on when they discussed it, or if Rhaegar actually married Lyanna, which I do not think she would have been alright with unless she is really down with the prophecies and they specify the third child can’t be a bastard. Honestly, at that point, I feel like she might have just risked having the third child herself than potentially have everything usurped by another woman and her child. I think if he did marry Lyanna, Elia probably did not know (possibly ever) - he might have intended to bring it up once the war was done (and he was King anyway).

She might have alternatively agreed that he could take a paramour so that she wouldn’t be in danger of another pregnancy even without knowing or believing in the prophecies (given Targaryen history, almost nice of him to ask), but even if she did, that is not sufficient consent if he did not explain that he specifically intends to (marry her? and) have and raise a third child - and I do not see how Elia would be down for polygamy. Paramours may be acceptable in Dorne in some circumstances, but multiple wives are not a thing and haven’t been for Targaryens for centures either. So even if she did consent to Rhaegar going elsewhere, that doesn’t mean Rhaegar didn’t screw her over in what he actually did.

As for Lyanna... here’s how I want to read it: Rhaegar came across Lyanna at Harrenhal and was impressed by her perhaps, and she fancied him perhaps, but his mind was primarily on the prophecy as he realised that she is a lady of ice and he is a man of fire, and he tried to explain that to her so they can have a special prophecy child to save the world. Though, tbh, I think the probability is that the whole situation is still going to be fairly problematic because she is a teenage girl in an unappealing situation and he is a married crown prince in his late 20s, and free and informed consent does not seem super likely.

Of course, there is the whole thing about ‘Rhaegar loved his Lady Lyanna’. Frankly, if that is the main motivation, that will piss me off @ Rhaegar, and I would rather the prophecy be the reason, even if it seems cold. Because if it was his particular ‘love’ and attraction for Lyanna, that’s a lot more selfish and he caused the loss of thousands of lives without any greater intention than wanting to hit that. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying there was no affection or attraction there, but it’s like Robb Stark’s situation in the books: he liked Jeyne Westerling and clearly was attracted to her, but he married her out of a moral sense of honour following a mistake he made under terrible circumstances and tried to make up for it, not because he’s met a nice girl in camp so fuck the Freys, honour and oaths (*shakes fist at the show*).

Honestly, I don’t think many people we’ve heard from in the books really understood Rhaegar (and many of them are bigoted dicks towards Elia) and what was going on underneath and behind the scenes. And the only PoV we got for Lyanna was a strongly-repressing Ned avoiding going into details (though the fact that he doesn’t have animosity towards Rhaegar is telling, so Lyanna doesn’t seem to have hated him at the end). I feel like we may not get the truth until Bran sees it, or we get more people who saw things first hand (Howland Reed, Children of the Forest on the Isle of Faces maybe) and have no biases or reason to lie/exaggerate.

And I think the final takeaway is that when we’re extrapolating we tend to go by the evidence we have and probabilities (you know, like real life). But sometimes the author has their thumb on the scales, so even though it might be super unlikely that Elia was cool with it and Rhaegar and Lyanna were also ~in love~, if it’s what the author wants then that slim probability may just be enough... (but GRRM likes to mess with his tropes so it’ll probably be bittersweet at best).

[hyacinthetic]

end of the year writing meme 2k17

because i did this last year and i want to gloat over my truly embarrassing uptick in wordcount.

Total number of completed stories: 8 + 1 wip + 1 snippet.  Total word count: 151,100, MOTHERFUCKER. Fandoms: voltron, persona 5, natsume’s book of friends.

Overall Thoughts

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted? TOO MUCH VOLTRON. WAY, WAY TOO MUCH VOLTRON.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? i have 40k of lotor/matt sitting on my hard drive. it's going to break 60k after edits. i don't want this life.

What's your own favorite of the year? the post-series winter cult au was my favorite bit of writing, but i am gonna clutch the pseudo-utena pastiche (disclaimer: not actually related to utena in any way) to my chest all the more because nobody else will. 36K WORDS, MOTHERFUCKERS.

Did you take any writing risks this year? mmm. i've used the second-person pov before to varying degrees of efficacy, but the junior detective kurusu akira fic and the every day au were the first times i really tried to use it as a proper conceit -- a choice that related to the way the character wanted the story framed. ymmv on how well they worked (ha! ha! most of the second-person punch in the junior detective fic happens in the ~20k after the prologue, oh god, nobody even knows what i'm talking about). at the v. least, i still think the every day au's ending wouldn't pack such a punch from any other perspective.

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year? WRITE STUFF THAT ISN'T VOLTRON, FOR FUCK'S SAKE. i've been reduced to just clawing at doors hissing LET ME GO... LET MY PEOPLE GO ...

From my past year of writing, what was...

My best story of this year: definitely the post-series winter cult. people keep describing it as hard to get into, which, yeah, it is. but it's also the most polished piece from this year.

in general, my best fic is always still the dazai/yosano thing from 2016. i didn't even round out all the subplots for that one, but because it's a crack ship, the whole dynamic is something i made, and i think that earns it a place on the trophy shelf.

My most popular story of this year: the shrine guardian au, i guess? which is bewildering, frankly: it's very fluffy, but i don't see that it does anything better than my other works. not to be all lucille bluth, i love all my children equally!!! and its prose is fine, but i wouldn't call it a standout piece.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: it is a tie between my two big voltron aus -- i understand why the pseudo-utena flopped as hard as it did (60k worth of fic crammed into 36k, badly edited, had to cut two subplots and it still turned out a mess), but the darkest timeline auniverse fic was decent work with mediocre prose and a fuckton of worldbuilding. i'm this close to digging up a worldbuilding meme and answering all the questions that literally nobody will ever ask. THERE WAS SO MUCH TIMELINE BUILDING IN THAT ONE.

Most fun story to write: fun & joy are lies. all fic is suffering. only the motor fic came close, and that was awful in a different way: two characters with little established personality having to build chemistry and worldbuilding at the same time. fuck you both.

Story with the single sexiest moment: hilariously, despite the amount of porn i like to write, none of my fic's been personally sexy to me since 2013's mikorei pwp in which mikoto blew up some buildings and then convinced munakata to fuck him into a wall. what can i say, i'm an arson kind of girl.

Most "holy crap, that's wrong, even for you" story: nothing posted this year! but i'm gonna talk about my impending january posts because god, fuck, i'm not waiting a year so that i can talk excitedly about my 60k nightmare, i plan to be fucking burned out on voltron by february.

anyway: the first time i tried to explain lotor/matt to my best girl, she promptly texted back in horror: "DID YOU WRITE FIC WHERE LOTOR SOULBONDS MATT AND LEAVES HIM TO GET GANGBANGED." and, like. i want to explain, but the actual explanation wasn't really that much more comforting. so, there'll be that. i guess.

(there's actually no non-con involved! it's not even dubcon! IT'S NOT EVEN MATT WHO GETS LEFT.)

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: the fucking motor fic. i knew what i liked about lotor as i was going in -- 90% of my motivation in writing it was "okay, i can't make any of the existing major lotor ships work for me, let's just throw this ridiculous spaghetti galra at a shipping wall and see what sticks" -- but matt was much more nebulous to me. i know fanon matt isn't all that far off from the matt we actually saw in season 4, but i was interested in someone who wasn't an older, cheerful, ingenious, meme-loving version of pidge. and the detail that i really got stuck on was the fact that he was a cadet when he went to kerberos, even though keith was the best pilot in his class and keith couldn't go. why?

obviously the simpler answer's "narrative convenience" and "why would anyone trust keith enough to send him into space with millions of dollars' worth of space equipment". but i really did want to play with the alternative too.

Hardest story to write: fucking god. the european travelogue was downright awful to get out. i think it's partly that there's an emotional density to it that isn't really present in my other fic, and partly that it's 25K OF SHIRO DESCRIBING ARCHITECTURE THAT IS PERFECTLY EASY FOR ANYBODY TO GOOGLE AND LOOK AT WITH THEIR OWN EYES.

i also found sheith particularly hard to build as a convincing slowburn. i have no idea how anyone does it. the ship's selling point, to me, is that keith would give shiro anything. if shiro weren't romantically interested, keith would live and die for him in every other way and be absolutely satisfied by that. i never write keith as secretly wanting more than shiro can give -- he'll do it by accident, when he misunderstands what shiro's capable of, but ultimately that's not what keith wants himself to be. shiro plays by the rules a little better, understands the risks + selfishness of dating someone only to leave them for a dangerous ten-month expedition -- but when it comes down to it, i can't write them as anything other than two people who understand each other at the baseline, where it counts. like, shiro may not actively acknowledge it, but i don't think he DOESN'T know that keith has no breaking point when it comes to him, and that there is very unlikely to be anyone else who could ever be what shiro is to him.

anyway: 25k of no-plot fluff! jesus! it was a fun little experiment, and i'm still amazed and delighted that anyone hunted my tumblr down to ask for fic. but i'll probably never write anything like that again.

Biggest disappointment: can you believe that i wrote 36k of psychic bonding fic and it didn't lead to telepathic porn? there's a lot in the utena pastiche that made me go "mm, not enough", a lot that was flatly messy first-draft fumbling, and i've never been happy about how it turned out, but that's still the biggest outrage to me. like. what was even the point. there's so much about it that makes me itch to rewrite, but the number-one reason that i never, ever will is that i'd have to find somewhere to fit porn to make it worth my time AND SOME THINGS ARE JUST IMPOSSIBLE.

Biggest surprise: i!! posted!! 100k+ words!!!!!!! WITH OVERFLOWING PUNCTUATION BECAUSE I DESERVE IT, MOTHERFUCKER. ficwise, though -- the lotor/matt au. why the fuck would you ship two characters who literally have no screen time together, share nothing in common, and are unlikely to develop a dynamic in future seasons, let alone this one? answer: ME: You have to promise to read the Lotor/Matt thing even though I've realised that their portmanteau is "Motor". MY GIRL: WELL now i have to read it ME: ME: Never mind, your boner killed mine.

but the joke's on me, because the one way to guarantee that i'll write something is a hot girl telling me she'll read it.

i love how most of this meme is grim self-encouragement to finish a fic that feels like it is literally killing me by dint of being the longest goddamn thing i've written in my life.

Most unintentionally telling story: well, it was GONNA be the junior detective kurusu akira fic, but i DIDN'T FINISH THAT.

on a more personal note: the every day au's ending was never in question for me. i'm rarely in the mood for conversation, but i can't stand keeping my feelings to myself: i don't feel real unless someone else can see me. it's why i like to yell in my post tags and do memes even though i follow like three actual personal blogs and a significant portion of this tumblr's designed to actively discourage 90% of people who stumble across it from adding me. the idea that, when you strip the viewer out, the object disappears -- that's probably as 'me' as a story gets.

Highlights + Wrap-up

Favourite Opening Lines (3):

The courthouse's a brushfire of camera lenses.

You wake up. [ ed. nt: not really the most unique or interesting of opening lines, but i've started to appreciate how this echoes throughout the piece and then builds into a clusterfuck chorus by the end. ]

[ nope. the other first lines weren't that great. fuck you, meme.]

Favorite 5 Line(s) Ficbits from Anywhere: [ ed. nt: fuck you, word limits & punctuation. ]

"I knew you were gone—long gone. No one could've called you back. But I just kept saying—if they were really Voltron, you'd be with them. You'd have come back for me."

"You stand," Allura whispers, "on territory that was consecrated by the five rituals of essential transference. You stand within the walls that my grandfather built, the walls for which my father sacrificed everything to keep from enemy dominion. The planet Altea remains because I lay claim to it, because I have not yielded to time and I will not yield. You may have served as Zarkon's witch; but in these halls, your very life hangs on Altea's mercy, my mercy. Either you'll remember an Altean's manners or a prisoner's—but so long as you speak to me, Haggar, you will choose one." -- so this fic was a series of dramatic triumphs that i did not build up to and therefore had no right to put in, but i don't care. if i'm going to write 100k++ of fic in a year, it's gonna be spread out over like ten different fics. and this is my favorite of the dramatic non-love confessional speeches that i wrote this year.

Keith lisps briefly and nastily under his breath. "Why would anyone pronounce an apostrophe?” <-- me throwing shade at a hundred years of scifi.

[ fuck you, listicles. ]

[ fuck you pt. 2. all the other sentences sucked. ]

Trivia left out of three fic:

pidge survives the events of the every day au and does eventually go on to form voltron. i left the fic where i did as a dramatic stopping point; in my head, i always knew where things were going to go afterwards. this clarity was helped in no small part because i had to immediately spill my guts to my best girl after she finished reading and realised in outrage that i'd given her a 19k fic in which her otp kissed zero (0) times. but yeah, everything works out -- albeit with a superdose of trauma -- and keith and pidge in particular have a moment which appeals to all my friendship kinks. i couldn't write the sequel in second-person, though, which is probably why i'll never do it. if i can't be pretentious and tragic, and i still can't work in any porn, then what is the point.

shiro, in the weird tattoo porn thing, has no idea of the effect he's having. in his mind, he's just being reasonable. this ties into my preference for writing s3-4!shiro as someone who thinks of himself as the same man who fell to earth a year ago, someone who has survived the galra over and over, someone who wants to lead in the war and deserves to do it. the trouble with this is that about one-point-five of those things are not necessarily things that the original shiro actually believes. i love this discrepancy between writing the two: there's one who buys into his own mythology of being a hero, and there's one who just wants everyone to survive and be happy and safe. in an ideal world (note: ideal to nobody but me), project kuron would be a thing where they created a perfect clone of shiro with all his memories but accidentally infused it with just enough galra beliefs about strength and the importance of war that it sabotages voltron's mission. that particular shiro doesn't mean to be fucked up, but his beliefs are, and he doesn't realise it until after the fallout of everything he's done hits the team. it's the entire basis for his behavior afterwards. this is one of those character development things that fell into the margins between the tattoo porn and its weird au sequel. i should have written the fic in between, i'm sure it would've been less confusing for everyone who read the goddamn sequence, but honestly, you could not pay me enough to write about keith and shiro's relationship falling apart.

this was never made explicit in the fic itself, though it seems pretty clear to me, but here goes. of the ten photographs, nine are pictures that shiro takes for keith to remember them by. the last is one that keith takes for shiro.

Lessons learned about writing in 2017:

when in doubt during edits, read the paragraph out loud. you don't have to do it very loudly, but people respond to something that flows off the tongue even if they aren't actually reading it out to themselves.

you're a niche writer. you write for you. that means you don't really have to edit if you're tired.

deadlines are bullshit. don't sign up for any more events featuring those.

with the way i write, there's always an element of mistrust. in my shorter fics, people are breaking up because they can't trust each other, or they're teetering on the brink of getting together -- but. in my longer fics, i really, really love to throw an unexplained element of mistrust into the mix (see: the fic where shiro leaves his own dimension and refuses to go back without any explanation) and only 'reveal 'it at the end. mistrust is an easy shortcut to tension. it's a good way to reframe the story, but it's also ... hm. predictable if it's literally all you write? i like to think that i'm capable of writing plots whose value isn't entirely based on the way they're told. i just need to let the story breathe once in a while.

the comma before 'too' is grammatically incorrect when that's the end of the sentence. my entire life is a goddamn lie.

there's such a thing as overdetail. a loose sketch and a twinkle of atmosphere will do better than three dense paragraphs detailing exactly where all the cathedrals are. my god, i never want to leave this continent again.

the best writing feeling is posting something and then tweaking all the small mistakes out of it. the second-best writing feeling is bringing someone you like a freshly-killed (read: edited) piece of prose, then demanding pets and cuddling for your great act of magnimity and courage.

looking back on my life, i should have been born a cat.

Fic-writing goals for 2018

post/finish all 80k of my existing drafts, THEN LEAVE VOLTRON FOREVER, I'M SO DARKLY EXCITED ABOUT THIS EXODUS.

seriously, write for any fandom but voltron. oh my god.

maybe i can just dive headfirst into ocean's eight and write a lot of bantery f/f until everyone forgets my embarrassing gay robolion phase.

a sci-fi au for nirvana in fire, heavily influenced by recent military scifi, in which (contrary to all the imperial death traditions) the chiyan army's memories and consciousness are ostensibly deleted from the imperial archives as punishment for their betrayal. several years down the line, jingyan finds his political influence rising with the advice of a helpful and very insistent ai advisor. IT'S TOO COMPLICATED AND I'M STILL THINKING ABOUT IT.

did you know that the natori/matoba section on ao3 has no explicit fic at all? like, zero. 2018 goals, baby. i don't care that nobody needs to know what horrible things they'd do to each other in bed. i'm gonna be this ship's rule 34, or the arsonist who burns down the house of the person who gets to it before me.