#this books is like so many years old but I’m still emo because found family is juse 😭🥹👌💕 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

deleteddewewted · 3 years

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Hey comadre! I saw you asked for a fluff request, and I came to deliver 💜 I think you might be intrigued by the idea!

Shinsou who has been bullied his whole life, with the bullying growing harsher his middle school years. When he begins his high school life in UA, he remains distant, not allowing himself for others to get close to him, and for them to hurt him, because he has developed that trauma. He then successfully transfers over to the Hero Course, and his seat partner is the chubby/curvy girl of the class. She is friendly and welcoming towards him, but he remains to give her the cold shoulder, although he saw her intentions genuine, but he still keeps his guard up. She then goes and sits with him during lunch, her explaining that she understands why he gives off the cold shoulder to his peers. She explains she has underwent being bullied herself, by her weight and such. She tells him that as time passed, she learned to love and accept herself for who she is, and offers to help Shinsou in a similar manner. To help him learn to trust people and she asks if he puked accept her as a friend. He accepts and their friendship grows, with him starting to develop feelings for her, and wants to spend more time with the person who saved him from his own troubles 💗

My heart and soul needed this, thank you comadre!💜

(I may or may not have used some of my personal experience being body shamed in here so....yeah, thats your heads up.)

Misery and Company

Emo/Himbo Shinsou x F! Reader (Reverse Comfort)

TW: Mentions of bullying, Mentions of Body Shaming, Leading on

He remembered the constant laughter that was present in his life. Everyone would assumed it was a great childhood but to him, to someone like him, it was never the paradise that it was thought to be. The laughter was at him not with him. Kids pointed their fingers towards him and blamed him for all of the problems that would happen throughout the school day.

“I didn’t do it!” As a child, he didn’t know any better. He assumed that he could scream and yell like every other kid and be listened to. He found out quickly that he didn’t get that right. The teacher quickly told him off and called his parents. They came to pick him up from school and started to ask all kinds of questions. Did your quirk go off? Why did you do it? Is it that hard to listen? He didn’t bother to try to make connections after that. Friends were a waste of time. A liability. An opportunity to suffer unnecessarily.

When Shinsou reached middle school he suffered from the increase of villain comments. His quirk became the center of attention, it didn’t matter if he had good grades or was nice to people. His quirk was the focus, always was.

“You can get away with everything you want!” He’s heard that one about a million times already. It always managed to irritate him how much people cared about what he did with it. He hated the eyes. The voices. It only made his internal monologue become aggressive with himself. The constant reminder that he was less than the others for being born with a quirk that used people. It made him want to scream his head off.

“Yeah, I’m aware. Um, can we stop talking about it now?” He wasn’t a pushover but he knew that he could just say what he wanted. He purposefully asked a question to get the other student to stop talking without using his quirk. The last tithing he wanted was for someone to accuse him of using his quirk on them.

That night, Shinsou worked on his homework at his desk. His parents were away on a work trip so he had the entire house to himself. He looked at the time and groaned when he realized it was already one in the morning. He walked into his bathrooms and looked for his toothbrush. When he looked up at the mirror, ready to brush his teeth, he couldn’t help and stare at himself. His eyes held bags under them, dark and heavy as if he hadn’t slept in days. The faint smudging of the eyeliner he put on only making his eyes look even worse. He was tired and alone. His parents weren’t there to comfort him and with his quirk making it difficult to connect with others, he had no one to speak with other than himself. He dropped his hand down and just stared at his reflection. The image became hazy as he continued to stare back at it.

His face felt warm. He couldn’t stop the river that flowed down his face. He didn’t ask for his quirk, he also didn’t ask to be born. Shinsou couldn’t stop the rattling within his chest nor the stuttered gasps as he tried to breathe. He looked up at his reflection again, this time noticing the red and swollen eyes that belong to him. That night, Shinsou laid down to sleep on top of the covers and stared blindly at the uncovered window. He vowed to never become attached again. Not to classmates, not to family, and definitely not any possible friends.

Going to UA was a dream come true for him, the ability to be closer to your heroic dreams was closer than ever, but not for him. Shinsou had to watch as the heor course students acted like entitled brats, everyone in the school bowing to them like they were some great thing. He hated watching them boast, hated everything about them, to be honest. He wanted nothing to do with them, so why did they want something to do with him?

“Uh, sorry but I was wondering if you’d like to sign this petition?” Shinsou looked up from the book he was reading and stared straight towards the holder of the voice. It was a short chubby girl with a clipboard in her hands. She looked at him expectantly, waiting for his answer to her question.

“No thanks.”

“It’s for a local shelter, it’ll help abused and abandoned pets find a good home-” Shinsou wanted to be left alone. He sighed out loud and closed his book while rubbing his eyes, the eyeliner smudging.

“I said no. Now leave me alone.” Shinsou watched as the girl flinched at his annoyed voice.

“S-sorry, I’ll just leave you alone.” She quickly walked away from him, nearly entering a jog as she left him behind. Shinsou couldn’t help but become disappointed with himself. The girl was being nice to him and he snapped at her. She wasn’t even benign annoying, he just felt tired. He could hear how some people around him mumbled about the exchange he packed his things up and left towards his class.

He did see the girl again from time to time. He found out she was in the hero course and that she was in the A class as well. He would spot her on occasion but he did interact with her during his hero course admissions test. She wore her hero costume with pride and honestly, he had to look away for a moment, she looked like power itself. He couldn’t help feel intimidated in her presence. She didn’t come up to him yet so he had to come up to her. He intended on apologizing for his behavior a few months back, he didn’t mean to snap at her and he never found the opportunity to do so.

You watched as the indigo-haired boy awkwardly made his way towards your group. He wouldn’t meet anyone’s eyes but instead focused on the floor below him.

“Hi, I’m Shinsou Hitoshi.” He extended his hand out to you but you just stared at him like he grew a second head. He felt awkward again, he was expecting you to at least call him a dick but the silence made his stomach become tight.

“Nice to meet you Shinsou, I’m L/n Y/n.” You felt bad for being quiet for too long, you couldn’t help it. He was really pretty to look at especially since he wore eyeliner that sharpened the appearance of his eyes.

“Oh, uh yeah. I um, wanted to apologize for my attitude a while back. It was rude of me and uhh, I know that saying I was in a mood isn’t a good excuse but-”

“It’s fine, I get it. I can be annoying so it’s ok.” You gave him a bright smile and a clap on the back of his shoulder.

He tensed when he felt the heat of your hand on him, he couldn’t help but lean slightly into it. His ears reddened and not wanting to embarrass himself more than he did already, he quickly pulled his mask up to cover his ears and face.

“No- yeah- I mean no, you- you weren’t annoying, I was just in a mood and it accidentally let it out on you. Sorry about that.” He rubbed the back of his neck and looked at you briefly. You just smiled at him again and got closer to his person.

“Hey, do you mind if i-” You grabbed the bottom part of his mask and pulled it down slightly, your face closer than ever before to his own. He stopped breathing as you got closer, he couldn’t help but feel self-conscious about his breath. He smelled like coffee and for some reason, it made him feel embarrassed if you were to found out about his dependency of it.

You reached out with your pinky and brushed some of the black flakes of his eyeliner away from his upper cheek. You blended the smudged eyeliner on the bottom of his eye out and pulled his mask up again to cover his face.

“There! Just wanted to clean up your makeup. It’s really well done, by the way, wish I could do my own eyeliner as clean as your own. Do you wear eyeshadow on the bottom lid or is it just eyeliner with you?” You weren’t mocking him for his dressing and styling choices, many of his old classmates did.

He told you about what products he uses and yes, he did use eyeshadow for his bottom lid. You just smiled at him and occasionally added what you used. He enjoyed talking to you, you were nice to him and allowed him to speak his mind. He couldn’t help but want to know more about you. Unfortunately, your conversation had to come to an end since his group was the first one up, but you both agreed to talk after all matches were over.

His second year at UA was better but he still felt awkward around everyone. Everyone, discluding Bakugou, was nice to him. You especially made it your duty to be around him all the time. He enjoyed your company but he found himself still pushing away from him at times. The constant lingering feeling of possible betrayal being prominent in all of your interactions. It didn’t matter how many times you helped him do his makeup or how many times he did your own, didn’t matter if he showed you his favorite video games to play, nor if he introduced you to his parents and had you in his room playing those same games with him for hours. He was still nervous, paranoid that you’ll stab him in the back. Scared that you’ll turn around and show your true colors. That you’ll take everything you know about him and tell everyone so you could all mock him again.

Shinsou, due to his fears, started to pull away from you. No more hanging out with him, no more doing each other’s makeup, no more eating lunch together. Shinsou ignored you every time you tried to speak with him, always turning himself away from you or being rude in some manner. It did discourage you at times, made you feel like you were back in middle school with the cute guys in your grade only speaking with you to make fun of your interests afterward. You thought that maybe he was going to be different but you guessed not. You kept away from him as you processed the situation but that also gave you the chance to watch him. You noticed that instead of sitting with your guy’s other classmates he would op to sit on his own within the cafeteria at a faraway table or somewhere else. You noticed that he not only avoided you but the rest of your classmates. He was back to how he was in his first year.

You couldn’t keep watching him be alone again, you didn’t want to leave him alone. You made up your mind and made your way towards Shinsou. He was sitting outside of the cafeteria eating his lunch while reading a book that was placed on his lap. He looked tense as he continued to read and nervous at any sound that made itself known. You felt bad for him, from what he told you about his own school experience, more of the lack of, you assumed that he was bullied for his quirk. He never used it on you and he never spoke much about it. He never gave you any details and never told you how his quirk activities, he just avoided the conversation entirely but he was always excited to listen to your own though.

“Shinsou.” You watched as the male jumped in his spot on the floor and direct himself towards you.

“Shinsou, can we talk for a bit?” He averted his eyes and began to pick his things from the floor, shaking his head as he did.

“N-no, sorry. I have to go-” You got in his way and crouched down to meet him at eye level.

“I know you have nowhere to be at. Please, talk to me for a bit.” You placed your hand on his own and stared at him. Shinsou didn’t want to meet your eyes. He didn’t want to see the disgust in them or the hatred you felt for him.

What he didn’t expect was for you to place your hand on his cheek and gently guide his gaze to your own. His eyes were wide and watery, he didn’t understand why you were being so gentle, so kind with him. Didn’t you want to be angry with him? Your own eyes were soft, a small smile present on your face.

“Shinsou, what’s wrong?” Your voice was gentle and your touch never leaving him. He took in a breath and spilled everything and all of his troubles to you. Once he finished, he was welcomed by a hug.

You pulled him into your own body and shared your warmth with him. You gently brushed his wild hair as you allowed him to cry to his heart’s content. He needed someone to listen to him, someone who would just let him talk. You were that person for him. Once he felt better, he pulled away from your person and rubbed his eyes. His eyeliner was running and smudging severely on his face. He pouted slightly at his destroyed makeup but then looked at your uniform. You had black smears all over your jacket and shirt.

“I-i’m sorry L/n. I didn’t mean to ruin your uniform.” You just chuckled and shook your head at him.

“It’s fine Shinsou, you needed to let it all out.” He began to take deeper breaths and eventually sat next to you. His head gently laying on top of your own.

“It… it was frustrating you know? I thought that I was the problem and I still feel like I am at times.”

“I get what you mean, I also had to deal with bullies.” Shinsou lifted his head and looked at you confused. You had to deal with bullies? Why? You were nice to everyone, why would anyone want to hurt you?

“I think it’s obvious as to why Shinsou.” Shit, did he say that out loud?

“Yes, you did.” You gave him another smile and took his hand. You compared him to your own. Your hand was smaller than his own but it was rounder, chubbier, just like the rest of you. You found it adorable how different the both of you were.

“I’m overweight, man. People tend to hold a preconceived idea of what overweight people are like.” Shinsou still couldn’t understand.

“So? Why would anyone bully you for something you don’t have all that much control over?”

“Because they’re mean. It’s a power trip for them.” You began to play with his fingers, taking note of the muscles that you weren’t aware existed within them.

“I used to have a crush on this guy and for the longest time, my classmates made fun of me because of it. They always said that I was too fat for him or that id hurt him if I leaned onto him. Typical mean comments about my appearance and how I was unloved.” Shinsou began to frown and got closer to you. His body heat becoming a welcoming presence to you as you recounted your own struggles.

“Then one day he asked me to hang out with him. We ate lunch together and we spent time together. I thought he was interested in me just like I was interested in him. He once got close to my face and made it look like he was about to kiss me before reaching for something behind me. We laughed it off as an accident but I noticed the small blush on his face. I was excited.” You pressed on each of his fingernails and wiggled his fingers in between your pointer and thumb.

“I thought that this was it, he liked me back. Our school dance came and everyone was asking out their dates for it. I thought he was going to ask me to go with him but that didn’t happen. He pulled me towards him in the middle of class with everyone watching us, a lot of the other girls were jealous of me because of it.” You noticed the chipped nails polished on his nails and began to scratch it off.

“He cupped my face and pulled me closer to him. We were going to kiss.” You stopped playing with Shinsous hand. Your hand falling onto the ground limply.

“He gripped my face and pushed me away saying “Did you really think id like you? You’re such a joke L/n.” ” You pulled away from Shinsou, your hand rested on your lap instead of anywhere near his.

“I felt so alone, so gross, so….fat. It hurt but it was made worse because it was in front of everyone. Everyone saw how he treated me and made fun of me. No one did anything, not even as I ran away crying. Instead, I got comments about my weight. I got called some really mean names that day and the following. I didn’t go to my school’s dance, I didn’t want to be made fun of again.” You didn’t hear a thing from Shinsou. He just sat there looking at you like you were crazy.

“Their assholes.”

“I know.” You looked at him and smiled. He came closer to you, grabbing your hand from your lap and interlacing them in one another.

“But I don’t feel like that anymore. I don’t care is a better way to phrase it. People can have their opinions, either nice or mean. I can’t dictate that.” Shinsou scooted closer to you as you continued talking.

“But I can dictate the way I think about myself and the people I want to be around me.” Shinsou couldn’t help himself anymore.

He leaned in towards you and placed his hand on your cheek. His lips gently pressing onto your own and unmoving. You felt your heart fluttered but it quickly turned to amusement. He just pressed his lips to yours and wasn’t moving, He wasn’t moving. He had his eyes closed and pressed into you, it was beginning to bruise your lips. You pulled back slightly and looked at his face. He had his lips still puckered and his eyes closed. You giggled and quickly kissed him again before he pulled away. You on the other hand did move and deepened the kiss.

Shinsous heart soured as you kissed him back, his lips no longer hurting but feeling gently caressed by your own. He couldn’t help the small gasps that escape him nor the way he pulled you closer to him. When the two of you parted, Shinsou looked at you with sleepy eyes. He wanted this and he wanted more.

“I like you L/n.”

“I like you too Shinsou.”

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slytherinsnekxvii · 4 years

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let's talk about severus snape. he's one of the most controversial characters the internet has to offer, with several blogs, channels and pages dedicated specifically to hating him, despite him having one of the most—if not the most—intriguing character arcs the series has to offer. so, as a result of me coming across far too many of said blogs, channels or pages, here's an extremely detailed explanation of why i like him and think he's easily one of my favourite characters :)

1. he's not that bad of a teacher.

just so you know, i'm a teenage girl fresh out of high school. so, my experience with teachers? still keeps me up at night :)

my family is pretty strict about religion. you can guess what that means. anything that was magic-adjacent, especially something that, god forbid, had an entire school dedicated to witchcraft and wizardry was a hard no if i wanted to have any sort of freedom over the media i paid attention to, and any opportunity to go about my life without being monitored to make sure i wasn't suddenly possessed or something. thanks to this, i ended up secretly reading the philosopher's stone in my last year of primary school. i would've been 11 at the time, just about to turn 12, so a little bit older than harry and co. going on what i'd heard from those who had already read the series, i went in expecting to absolutely despise this man. i went in expecting to read a demon. i finished the book and came out thinking... that really wasn't that bad.

my mom found out, so i didn't get to read the rest of the series until i ended up on the executive committee for my school's book club and my friends were appalled that i'd only read the first book. at this point, i'm still expecting him to get worse and... he just doesn't. when i was in primary school, i had multiple teachers break wooden meter-long rulers across my classmates' backs. the first time it happened, i was in infant year 2 (about 6/7 years old). i had teachers who would insult us, based on anything from hygiene to behaviour to intelligence if you looked at them wrong. my sister (who was three years ahead of me) had a teacher who kept her in hours after school was over because the teacher had a written a note in her workbook upside down, and when my sister corrected her, the teacher made her rewrite it, turning the book each time the note was written so it would never be done the correct way.

in secondary school, i had teachers who would actively humiliate us in front of the class if we didn't do as well as they wanted. i had teachers who would throw markers and whiteboard erasers at us if we did something they didn't like during class. i had a teacher who looked for a friend of mine who was petrified of attention and then mercilessly picked on her until she went to the bathrooms to cry. these are the kinds of teachers that i was used to. so, when i read harry potter and read snape, who would have probably been one of the nicer teachers i met in my lifetime, i thought to myself, he's really not that bad. he's just... strict.

antis claim that he traumatised every kid that ever went through his class, that he straight up abused them and... no. he didn't. all of them are comfortable talking back, they talk during his class, no one trembles when he walks past, except for neville, who usually bore the brunt of snape's anger because he was consistently messing up in a potentially lethal class.

after school, i hated the thought of formal education, so now i'm working until i feel ready to do university. coincidentally, one of my jobs is teaching maths and english to kids writing the end of primary and secondary school exams. given the sheer amount of annoyance i feel sometimes, i actually respect him for not being more harsh with them, especially when they're all running off into danger or exploding cauldrons.

he really isn't that bad of a teacher, and we know this, since his classes' owl results are said to be consistently good.

plus, he was written in the 90's when all this was okay behaviour for teachers. hell, compared to some of the teachers in text, given that he goes out of his way to make sure the students are always protected, he's a lot better than most people give him credit for.

2. i relate to him.

come on, the man grew up to be a dramatic, queer-coded, petty bitch who wears all black all the time and likely has at least one mental disorder. i'm a petty, emo bisexual with (actually diagnosed, don't worry) depression and anxiety and I'm in a theatre group. what did you really expect from me?

on a serious note, both of the schools i went to were considered "prestigious". i got into my primary school because of a teacher's recommendation (she was a family friend). the second school i got into was because i scored ridiculously high on the placement test that would determine which school i went to. in primary school, i was the poor, really awkward, really smart kid who got left out of everything, and my best friend was the only kid who was worse off than me.

in secondary school, i was just as smart as everyone else... but i was still poorer, and still more awkward and still got left out of everything.

i got that isolated feeling, that feeling of not being good enough, that feeling where life always seems to have it out for you and that's even though i still got dealt a better hand than snape ever did. so, i get it. i'm never ever going to have it as bad as he did, but i acknowledge what he went through and i sympathise, because i have a chance, but it only ever got worse for him.

3. i genuinely enjoy his character.

this dude went through absolute hell for basically his entire life. the best years he had were probably when he was neck-deep in the group of people who hated witches and wizards like him, but somehow managed to treat him better than the good guys.

all of that, and he still manages to be one of the most entertaining motherfuckers in the whole series, with one of the most interesting character arcs ever. it's the witty lines, the sheer dynamic of his character, the change from the twitchy, hypervigilant kid from the slums to the adult that managed to spy on the Dark Lord himself and save the wizarding world in the process, while still being a hot mess of a person. it's the managing to get shit done while everybody hated him and everything was going to hell. it's the everything, and i haven't even talked about how badass he is.

come on, potions prodigy turned master, exemplary duellist (cough, cough, winning 4-on-1 vs McGonagall, Flitwick, Sprout and Slughorn, and leaving a scratch on nobody, while managing to not take a single hit himself, cough, cough), spellcrafter, spy and one of the only wizards to ever figure out unaided flight. dark arts master, proficient at healing (dumbledore would've been dead a lot sooner, if it weren't for him, most likely). he's one of the most powerful wizards of his time. i've said that any universe where he's actually a bad guy—or just legitimately loyal to the death eaters—is a universe where voldemort wins and this is why. if he was motivated by literally anything other than lily, the wizarding world was more than likely fucked.

the point is, i just think he's neat.

4. spite.

every time i appreciate snape, a snater feels like someone is walking over their grave. every time i appreciate snape, a snater turns blue out of sheer rage. every time i appreciate snape, a snater loses their mind looking for their non-existent reading comprehension.

the spite in my veins is tempered only by the broth of instant ramen and ungodly amounts of sugar, and i'm going to use them all in my mission to cause antis pain when they refuse to acknowledge their lack of critical thinking and analysis skills.

so, yeah. why do i actually like snape?

tl;dr: he's not that bad. for a teacher written in the 90's and compared to teachers i've had within the decade, the guy's just strict. sure, he's a dick (who i personally think is hilarious), but he always makes sure the students are safe and he didn't leave any lasting effect on any of the students. he's really not that bad of a teacher. and hell, he's not even that bad of a person. i fully admit that he was an asshole and i entirely believe he was prone to self-destructive behaviour, but he still tried to atone for his mistakes and he did, is the thing, even though the odds were stacked more or less completely against him. i like him because he entertains me, and because i relate to him, as a teen who went through some shit and probably would have joined up with some bad people if it weren't for my friends and family, and as a teacher who really can't stand my students sometimes. i also like him because it irritates people who don't like him :)

also, istg if any of you respond to this with "bUt hE was ObseSsED with LiLY and just WAnTEd to FUCK hEr," i'm crawling into your bedroom window with the most unrealistic, mangled interpretations of your favourite characters and making sure they haunt you in your dreams. meet me in the fuckin' pit, babe. reread the series, actually think about it and come with receipts that aren't Voldemort, because i don't think you want to have the same opinion as the character who canonically doesn't understand love, now, do you, sweetheart? when you do that, then, and only then, will i consider entertaining your bullshit :)

that's about it from me, thanks for reading!

#severus snape #pro snape #why do people like snape?#i can't speak for anybody else but here's me #i probably left something out since i haven't written a good essay since my literature exam #but it's fine #let me like my chaotic bastard son in peace please #snape #snapedom

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kisafavi-17 · 3 years

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Jack:

- football star

- quarterback

- friends with newsies in middle school

- HELLA TALL

- openly bisexual

- he/him

- seems scary but is really nice

- had a small fling with sarah

- RED BULLLL

- average student

- creator of blog

- junior in high school

- just turned 17 in february

- teachers love him

- massive flirt

- loves horror movies and will put them on to have background noise

- HIS REAL NAME IS JACKSON BUT CALL HIM THAT AND HE WILL END YOU

- lives with medda

David:

- straight A+

- honor roll gate kid

- taking 5 AP classes

- gay and on the ace spectrum

- major social anxiety

- new kid

- met jack first

- closeted/didn’t know

- tutor to most newsies

- has a older sister sarah (by 1 year) and younger brother les (10 years old)

- he/they?

- editor of the blog (once joined)

- mentally ill

- scared of spot

- sophomore taking junior classes

- 15 years

- reads romantic novels to understand women

- has feminine products on him at all times

- FEMINIST

- has sensory issues

Race:

- pothead

- always has nic of some kind

- TRAUMAAAAAA

- always horny

- flirts with all

- attracted to few

- very openly gay

- gets bullied a lot

- on-scene reporter for the school news blog

- barely passing

- he/they/she (doesn’t care really)

- swears A LOT

- met spot in 4th grade

- sophomore (got held back a year) 16 years old

- is down for anything

- lives with jack at medda’s

- is the meme lord

- does. not. sleep. (or sleeps all the time no in between)

- has dyslexia and reads wattpad or redit

Spot:

- either really rich or really poor

* Rich:

- daddy’s money

- old family friends with jack

- arranges interviews with people for the blog

- on baseball team

- picks on boys

- REFUSES TO MAKE FUN OF GIRLS

- lowkey feminist

- internalized homophobia

- drives a porsche… a BRIGHT RED porsche

- he/him (says nor/mal like a douche tho)

- HELLA DEPRESSED

- takes “performance enhancing” pills

- secretly hangs out with the newsies

- junior but really young

- david is his tutor

- lowkey really dumb

- refuses to read anything. ever

- IS NOT FUCKING SHORT!!!

- he’s like 5’10 (says hes 6’0 tho)

- real name is thomas

* Poor:

- TRAUMATIZED AFFFFF

- wears zip-up hoodies with black skinny jeans

- beat up black vans

- emo

- also a really young junior

- hot topic is his ✨home✨

- everyone is scared of him

- the “quiet kid”

- he/him

- closeted bi pref men

- race is his only friend

- occasionally smokes weed

- oldest sibling of 3 (twins one of each. 5th grade)

- has a job no one knows about

- works as a waiter at a dinner an hour from school

- IS. NOT. SHORT.

- HE. IS. LIKE. 5’11.

- gets into fights and never looses

- secretly simping for race

- protects the newsies

- writes anonymous articles for blog

- ✨black eyeliner✨

- always has painted fingernails

- B+ average

- real name is sean

Sarah:

- book worm

- LESBIAN

- she/they

- loves the book worms

- reads anything and everything

- does photography for school blog

- definitely does theater/choir

- owns wattpad

- writes on wattpad

- definitely simping for fictional characters

- has tried a vape once

- lightweight

- tall

- like 5’8.5

- mamma mia fangirl

- loves DC movies

- has every girl/boy crushing over her

- therapist friend

- always has everything you need somehow

- met jack at a party

- doesn’t allow ANYONE to pick on david along with jack

- cottage gore ascetic

- loves disney

- drives a blue subaru

- is on the high school dance team

- hates the term “UwU”

- is a 16 year old junior

Blink:

- on football team

- still has eyepatch but no one cares

- gayyyy

- dating mush

- PDA

- funny af

- is a really old sophomore

- 16 years old (a january baby)

- camera man for race for blog

- besties are bumlets, mush, and jack

- only one without family trauma

- has twin sister

- has the funniest laugh ever

- volunteers at homeless shelters

- cinnamon roll🥺

- real name is dylan

- hornyyyyy

- has smexy pics on snap

- harry potter fan

- griffindor

- TWITTER WARS

- starts beef for no reason

- watches horror to freak mush out

- it works

Mush:

- hates horror movies

- is dating blink

- is on the wrestling and dance team

- people tease him for being on the dance team

- 15 year olds sophomore

- wants to be a veterinarian

- owns a chicken for some reason

- no one knows how he got a chicken

- chickens name is Kentucky (hehe)

- is a cinnamon roll 🥺

- body dysmorphia

- has eating disorder

- nicknamed sunshine (brought to you by blink)

- has braces

- has mainly girl friends and everyone thinks he’s dating them

- he/him

- pansexual

- civil rights activist

- hates when blink gets hurt

- is a crackhead some times

- is a vegetarian

- works lighting for blog interviews and reports

- PDA is not his thing but he doesn’t mind it

- BOTTOM WHO LOOKS LIKE A TOP

- people think he’s a crybaby when in reality, he rarely cries

- loves disneyland and disney in general

- friends with everyone

- is the matchmaker

- cuddle bug with blink

- mostly C’s and B’s on his report card

- real name is aaron (hehe)

- is a romantic so… mush

Bumlets:

- emo vibes

- on dance team

- is secretly good at soccer

- gamer boi

- has only been in one long term relationship

- is broken hearted

- keeps to himself

- they/he

- pansexual

- had a crush on blink for a bit

- has crushed on every newsie at least once

- is pretty chill

- 15 year old sophomore

- currently single

- taking AP classes with david

- is like really smart

- reads AO3

- doesn’t like wattpad

- plays CoD and halo

- rages when he games

- LOVES GRILLED CHEESE

- scary dog privilege (owns a pit bull)

- pit bulls name is kiara

- knows how to ballroom dance

- romantic boi

- doesn’t open up easily

- knows how mush got his chicken

- friends with poor spot

- is a writer for blog because he can actually spell

- real name is lucas

- has depression hence “bumlets”

- surprisingly really strong

- ✨flexible✨

Skittery:

- one of the oldest newsies (terms of joining)

- only talks to bumlets and jack

- doesn’t like david to much

- has a RBF

- is 16 (turns 17 in august)

- is a junior

- smokes cigarettes

- doesn’t have social media

- is on the varsity water polo team

- ✨rings galore✨

- tries to be cool

- has 2 cats

- cats are cheesy and monica

- has an older brother in college

- works at 7 11

- is not looking for a relationship

- he/him

- straight ally

- tried being gay but didn’t work out

- drinks white wine

- always stressed

- decent student

- A- average

- friends with all the coaches

- headphones are his lifesaver

- is a very numb human

- always has cold skin for some reason

- even in like 100 degree weather he is still cold to the touch

- had facebook then deleted it because hack found his account and spammed it

- historical fiction type of dude

- is the one who finds all of the info to give to writers/reporters for blog

- loves bumlets dog

- drives a toyota prius

- real name is jefferson

- no one but jack knows how he got the name skittery

Crutchie:

- was in a car accident

- real name is charles

- has social anxiety and dyslexia

- should get picked on but jack doesn’t let that happen

- soft boi

- technically isn’t a newsie but shows up to the meetings

- is a emotional support teddy bear

- is the assistant director for the school plays

- best friends are jack, sarah, and mush

- only has instagram

- terrified of heights

- occasionally sleeps over at meddas

- adults love this child

- they/them

- gay

- loves disney

- knows the entire hunchback of notre dame movie by heart

- is 14 years old

- freshman. the only freshman newsie

- child of the group

- goes to all of his friends game or competitions to cheer them on

- is really short

- like REALLY SHORT

- says “rawr” a lot

Medda:

- jack and races mother

- (A SINGLE MOM WHO WORKS TWO JOBS WHO LOVES HER KIDS AND NEVER STOPS WITH GENTLE HANDS AND THE HEART OF A FIGHTERRRR IMMA SURVIVOR)

- is a voice actress

- has been in disney films

- “if you’re going to drink id rather you do it in the house” mentality

- hates the idea of nicotine

- on the PTA

- has annual passes to disneyland

- loves all the newsies

- wants to adopt poor spot

- is in her late 30s to early 40s

- she/her

- straight… kind of

- she says she’s straight but by definition she’s pan

- civil rights activist

- has an ACAB sticker on her car

- PRIDE FLAGS EVERYWHERE

- if the sexuality/gender exists in the lgbtq+ community, she has their flag

- likes gardening

- will never use the wrong pronouns

- doesn’t really eat at chain restaurants

- not afraid to kill someone who hurts one of the newsies

- i’m serious

- she’s tried

- ….

Les:

- in 5th grade; 10

- friends with poor spots siblings

- is friends with the newsies

- loves medda

- is like another crutchie without the trauma/depression/anxiety/etc.

- asks david if him and jack are dating

- he knew david was 💅 before david did

- loves it when one or all of the newsies picks him up from school

- everyone loves him

- got picked on for having a “looser brother”

- spot (both poor and rich) picked him up one time with david. said “if you have a problem with les, you got a problem with me!”

- les was never bothered again

- gets lifted onto the guy’s shoulders all the fricking time

- loves feeling tall

- wants to play football like jack

- is very smart

- is ridiculously fast

- he has the fastest mile time in the whole grade

- teachers pet

- doesn’t have many friends his age

- brags about the newsies to his classmates

#livesies #newsies live #racetrack higgins #davey jacobs #david jacobs #jack kelly #incorrect newsies quotes #sprace #newsies 1992 #1992sies #spot. is. tall. PERIOD

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queenofallwitches · 3 years

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an update and primer:

so the last winter was weird. I had a complete breakdown, went into psychiatric hospital for 40 days in total. two seperate times.

learnt a heap of new things, met a tonne of cool people and had amazing conversations and few fights but overcome my own demons by that.

brain speaking-I have a scarred brain stem and neurological disorder is not a mental diagnosis, but a neurological disorder, proven by MRI scan, ADHD.

also damage to my basal ganglia, and prefrontal cortex.

neurological diagnosis means ADHD is not a "mental" health issue, as some believe, rather a neurodevelopment disorder caused by structural differences in the ADHD brain.

other neurodevelopment disorders include: Tourettes, Autism, Cerebal Palsy, Dyslexia and other Motor and Intellectual Disabilities. (Which recieve, in my view, a lot of insight, media information and stigma reduction by the advocacy networks surrounding these types of disability).

Over the last few years Autism has been over everything, I've seen mainstream media cover Tourettes and yet ADHD is still HUGELY misunderstood, misconceived and misrepresented in media, be in from the angle of documentaries, personal insight of a "typical" case, films, tv, and other media.

one of the first things my dr told me was "in females it rarely presents as hyperactive red-cordial OD child"

which is what my mother BELIEVES, that is because I have an adopted cousin with the ADHD dx who was that growing up, but the representation I'm told is also divergent for women with a higher IQ score than the average IQ. I come in around 142 and tested 123 at age 3 when I was unable to focus, pay attention and had severe trauma. I tested 142 in grade 8.

I'll share my experience as a female who is intellectually gifted, with higher IQ than average, and an adhd brain:

I've been told gifted and talented "genius" children are harder to diagnose because the symptoms present differently, we hide it better (camouflage) and our focusing can be "faked" by mediocre efforts of academic success.. this is true, I would do the assignment the Sunday night hours deadline, last minute, or have my parents half do it for me, plagiarise it (fuck I've killed my whole academic career now) copied but changed my words

from old 1970s encyclopaedias I KNEW they couldn't cross reference (I went through 15 years of school never studying doing homework or assignments and still had top grades).

I literally did not listen, and spent my classes planning the end of the world survival strategies with my GT friend who, basically helped me with my calculus and hard fucking maths, which was the ONLY 50 minutes of the day I put attention into my work.

now I'm going to be heading back to full-time study in the coming months, I get anxious as the pressure of a Bachelor level degree, and the pressure it takes me to perform, is enough to break me down. I've been advised it might be wise to start light (like a basic vet style diploma) and then build up, which is logical, but I keep thinking I'm meant to be doing my thesis by now. which is the kind of pressure one gets as a kid who is told repeatedly, "your intelligence is exceedingly the average and you can do ANYTHING you want"

I wanted to be an astronaut, a storm chaser, and an architect, a town planner and then a journalist. I always held to being a "FBI agent" or spy (I wonder why). so when I found psychology is really a blend of all these things, I kinda found a niche in a psych and social science double degree. but I'm thinking my academic career is LIFELONG, and due to the fact I also want to work in my field alongside my many written thesis coming, I'll be in academics for a long time. I may fail a few things, which I have to come to terms with. I do not fail easily, or readily, but I'm a perfectionist type-a academic who will put my whole life on the line to achieve "merit". I get exams, I get assessments, I read journals super-easy, I talk the talk and walk the walk so well psychologists who are at masters level compliment me on my "knowledge".

when it comes to mental health and trauma, I will always have the personal attachment, called lived experience, which will make failure and burnout, 100 percent realistic. I have to boundary up, bootstraps on, and prepare that yes, my personal "bias" will probably be entwined in this.

which is why I'm looking at the social science for the statistics and thesis writing side of things, and the counselling for the trained therapist side. either way, the degree of counselling requires so much self-insight, and then the social-science will back me away from personifying it. the other choice is criminology, which leads to forensic psychology, which is eternally fascinating. my main concern is the pro-pedophile content Ill be up against, which will look at the anatomy of a shoplifter akin to the devil, and leave the pedophile in the DSM-5 dx "paraphilia" box.

I'm not joining or jumping to anything.

either way I've got 2 year of credit, a heap of pathways and a lot of "academic momentum" from all my life being aimed to be "academic powerhouse". I went through my files and found a lot of awards I'd won in my high school, and top place in the competitions we would be entering in. I remember feeling so sad if I had a "credit" vs a distinction or high distinction, only to see now, a credit in university maths in year 9 is a skillset I don't have anymore so, good on me. or a credit in English, or Science at that age was pretty impressive, considering these tests were random and not studied for.

just a general skills assessment only the top 30 kids in the year were to take on a year by year basis and put out to vet from the top universities and taken by other kids in the same grade around the state.

it puts so much focus on my intelligence, because it's primed to be that way, I know that is true. I know I feel good being academically successful and it gives me a feeling of "achievement" but is it really for me?

I also found 2 letters from my local politicians offering me job placement, work experience and I was 1/4 kids in my 10th grade graduation tom get the letter, and due to my behaviour I pissed ALL the idiots who bullied me off. I was "too pretty to be a nerd" "too smart to be pOpUlAr".

so I made a group of misfits, who are all highly intelligent, creative and my group had the ONLY gay male in the school AND THIS IS BEFORE YOU FUCKING RETARDS MADE IT "COOL". he was bullied badly, so fuck you, you fucks claim "liberalism" but I bet you were the type of idiot who bullied guys like him in high school while you pretended to like my chemical romance and fake cut yourselves. I hate you all, forever.

my grade was full of idiots who were fake emo, who left the scene the moment the scene changed to dub-step and club music. I was there, watching you all, like sonny Moore, went from FFTL to that dubstep skrillex shit he started in 2009.

I dated you, hooked up with you and I went to your gigs. I know who was real and who was fake. I met some of you years later and realised the more emotive ones were the less "alternative appearing".

I can say 1/10000 emo guys from the 00s were genuinely Into the music and scene for the right reasons based on my dating history and this can and will be analysed statistically using SPSS one day to prove a lot. I've had too many relationships from each sub-culture and I have had 4-11 males at a time per public "output" of my energy pursue me over life.

I'm not being cocky when I say I have a long line of "suitors" and its banked back about 50 men. it's been a thing I've avoided as it seems to grow based on my body shape, attitude, appearance, so I am currently out of touch with dating scenes, no interest to try that ANYWAY, given the fact that I have had so many LONG TERM relationships ANYWAY. I can't see another one going well, and at this case, I'm living with an ex but we never went on conventional and now our families label this 3 things: "asexual", "polyamorous" and "open relationship". I'm also "bisexual" but this all to humans outside, looks ridiculous on paper. (wild orgies and lots of swinging or some stupid sex magick probably is what J brother literally thinks we do).

bc humans are intrinsically designed to need to label things they don't understand. we share a lease, not a relationship, and fucking polyamorous, I WISH. there are no girl-girl-guy 3 some, or orgies, or sex magic parties.

this has changed the attitude and perception of this "relation' which Is non-romantic, non-sexual. he can date and likely, will, as can I , and I likely won't date.

I would say 14/15 have had ADHD, or other mental illness and or trauma. which means to me, nothing at all.

I think this "open book" non romantic relationship style of "friends and roommates" not sexual.

attachment is misunderstood by others but works well fro my adhd, meaning I'm not expected to marry, or be a wife in any capacity. he is free to do what he wants, as I am, and open communication is a novel frontier I brought into this in the start, and stayed with for the duration. we fight, but I fight with a lot of people in my life over many petty things. also down to my adhd, I believe, I have rejection sensitive dysphoria, which makes me hypersensitive to rejection, perceived or real.

im not sure if this is trauma or adhd or both. but

I have used sexuality as a weapon in many relationships but it cannot or will not be used here, so I have had to resort to uncovering parts of myself which I never knew, which will stay with me even if he decided to marry and wife up in 5 years, which I'm okay and expecting him to do, and I would much rather that then be trapped in a situation where I cannot be that "wife/mother archetype" as I'm too "femme fatal/other-woman/sex-laced seductress and siren" a "FWB, unicorn, drug buddy, hook-up where im a therapist" or "intellectual and cognitive mind-bender work-study obsessed woman".

both at once and many types of human, including one who is a full-time ceremonial magician of 7 years. I will drink, drug, fuck, fight like males and still be more feminine and high maintenance than 89% of women. I grew up a tomboy and don't mind getting into fun, adventure based situations, like hiking, or anything adrenaline, I would only be reluctant to eat weird shit.

I also have many "neurological" issues including ADHD, and trauma which causes a rupture in the average human and I dating.

I'll tell you how many men have said "you are the unicorn" and then realised what that means, I went as far as canvasing the PUA world back in 2014 after reading the game, a book on PUA, which is essentially, pick up artistry, based on NLP and hypnosis. I did this after reading the copy my ex in 2008 handed me before we dated saying "I gave this up for you". it took me years to open the book, buy when I did I truly believed the only way I would fall in love again, was through PUA. that failed in so many ways but gave me a training foundation for men who were candidates for that, I have trained up J, and the way that sounds is BAD. I know, but I got a lot of value myself, I just don't see it how I wanted to see it.

but that was my original intent, and I achieved this he knows that, knew it was happening and evolved for the best self.

I am thinking we can modulate this into a business model for how I was operating in the BDSM world was mainly psychological, not physical.

I get told all of is incredibly intimidating (I am told) to women and men.

I don't really care anymore, because people have always seen this part of me in the wrong way ANYWAY, but I own who I am NOW. which is what I needed ANYWAY. so it cannot be stolen again, and sexual healing has come from abstinence ironically.

I also don't care what or who is trying to tear up my relations, toxic or not toxic, all people around me will be on a healing journey by default, or cut out of my life, for I am radiating that energy so brightly its impossible NOT to feel that pull.

I will drag your shadows into the light, and make your secrets spin from your lips into my consciousness. its not what I do but its what is design.

I make your weaknesses mountains to climb over. you cannot hide from these in my presence, I won't be this controlling or obsessive female who wants 24-7 attention as I have a life full of meaning without love or sex. I don't want to be wined, dined or expensively gifted, unless specially requested.

I don't want love letters or romantic declarations, this isn't some femnazi bullshit, but it triggers me. I appreciate the efforts and won't make you feel bad about your insecurities, for mine are probably 30 x more pronounced.

I appreciate small things, that most males won't or don't know how to do. like remembering things I've said and being thoughtful. or knowing my silence isn't personal, or a game, but a protective wall. I've had songs sung too me, guitars played, songs written, or things made in ways that are heartfelt. but I've always had them used against me too. so it is the context. I value time, energy, conversations of depth and reciprocal exchange. I also value trauma understanding, my alters and fragments being accepted and valued as me as a whole and a person who is not afraid, or scared of stupid stuff like sensitivity, emotions, feelings as raw as my own. men feel intensely too, lol.

but will only give oral sex 100 times before I don't recieve it, I can communicate now so that wouldn't happen.

but I won't be a bitch about this stuff. I am extremely feminine and care in ways other people, do not, I forget nothing people tell me, so it can be a reward or reverse uno card pull in a fight, but I am not evil or deviant in my relations. I react, depending on how you treat me. I don't need your money, or providing source of income to be okay as I am my own queen, however sharing resources is okay to build something. I don't need to be seduced, but will need to be shown a person is trustworthy.

few cross that.

that will always be time-endurance and testing. there are ground rules I don't play with, or play games. or like being forced or forged into something I'm not. I know abusive and I know safe, and I am a psychology expert, trained psychotherapist and study humans for fun, so I'll always be analysing things.

and I know red flags and I know ego, I know how to placate and please and pleasure, but will only do so, for a bigger and better reason than the mere act of seduction. which is without value and transactional to someone like me, I won't lie.

and I know every tactic in the book, for the book was written by someone like me, many lives ago, and my karma is being burnt for that book.

in terms of walls, I have many, may it be called a maze. or labrnyth.

I will teach you things you never thought you'd know, and change your life in ways you won't ever be able to go back to before. I will blow your mind, sexually, emotionally, intellectually, on all levels, and I'll make your friends and family love me.

I'll bring your walls down and you won't be able to understand this, because you don't understand me, and thats ok.

but I'll always understanding you and make your life better because thats what I do anyway, and people talk to me about things I will never share, as I keep secrets. I am jealous, of everything but, only because I am attached in a disorganised way, and working on that.(I won't even mention how man women or men don't know basic psychology of themselves). I also am a therapist , for my friends and family too.i should not be , but I am. I care, I listen, If you think I'm not listening, I'm still listening. sometimes I interrupt, because I have ADHD and I am horrible at resolute planning, or being "normal". but I don't want to be normal anyway. I need you to recognise and understand my shit, for that is what I do for everyone in my life, and I have helped more than I receive.

I'll probably accidentally give you therapy, but thats fine, because you will uncover your depths and find meaning in this. it's not something that goes bad unless you are fundamentally, evil, even the most abusive relationship I was in, was benefited from this process. yes he's still narcissistic, but he is self-aware. and did I benefit, never, just know the anatomy of self-proclaimed narc and I still can't hate him. will get my civil claim one day.

I will fuck your mind without meaning too. but thats because I fuck my own mind. but the meaning is made in the man- some find this highly offensive or personal (its not). I fuck minds by my own overthinking, or over perception on many levels of reality. so join the ride, or don't come along at all. because once the rollercoaster is in motion, I have no control of what may or may not happen. it's purely experimental.

I am experimental.

and the women who are judging me, are not any better.

look within, and shut the fuck up. self-improve and quit this jealous divide and conquer bitchiness. I HATE gossip, bitches, snitches and fakers.

I look to other women who are intellectually, physically and spiritually "individual". and find value in superior status to my own, which is something my narcissistic ex taught me.

I look for mentors, and teachers and people who will teach me how to improve myself, which I am fearful to reconnect after something is amazing and I can't give anything back of positive value. I am sorry I am working on that.

I won't devalue those below me, but I also need to be mutually benefiting from a relationship.

I dont drag people down, I may disappear if I feel I am doing this by mistake. I am flakey as fuck, and sorry for that. its anxiety and lack of perfectionism, so I am wrong and bad for this. I can change. will change.

if you can find value with my relation, personal professional or romantic, we can move into a symbiotic beneficial agreement based on mutual "terms". but many won't or cannot see this, nor do I impose my bullshit into the lives of randoms at this age.

I don't care if this is cruel, it's real.

I value loyalty, compassion, self-insight/awareness, someone who understands all parts-spirituality, metaphysics while still having intellectual & logical & analytical brain-sight.

I enjoy music, magick and learning new things.

I do not care about appearances I dont think ive dated based on one time. I do value connections and chemistry which is far-few between, I hate fakers. I smell insincerity miles away. but I do respect women who are well-presented, or beautiful, with hair beauty and makeup, I can't do this shit well, so I look up to those who are in professions who do it like art. I find them to be genius level queens who scare me.

I call out bad behaviour and make people uncomfortable if they are repressed. I will change you without even meaning too, I don't even need to date you. its just my presence, over time, amplified by the intensity of the dynamics.

I don't want simplicity, but I also don't need over complexity.

I value passion, independence, creativity, curiosity, problem-solving, deep-disscussions, shared adventures and some occasional risk-taking (lol), sensuality and sexuality for a common cause beyond physical pleasure. I like being taught but not micromanaged. I need my own independence, and need to be trusted with that. I hate being scolded for that like a child, or being pushed to change my ways to conform to societal values. which I will push back and refuse to do. which is not healthy. I don't adult like many others do, but I try to proceed in other ways. and learn to adult like normal people, accept me.

I also value myself, and how I can be celebrated, enhanced and improved vs. the opposite.

I give space, and have boundaries, and understand human psychology, sexuality and relationships in ways few others unless they are trained, can do.

I value MY time. so you can have space to value YOURS. I dont need to be in anyones pocket for a long time. I love being alone, and being around people who are stimulating, but draining people will be drained out of my life quicker than I intend. I am sorry for the people who felt I disappeared, when I was only trying to be 'fair', if I feel I'm a bad influence, I will work on myself until I'm not. I'm still working on it.

I also use this psychology awareness, to enhance communication, connection. you may or may not become an accidental guinea pig. I will be upfront that I am experimental, but that is part of the buy ticket and take the ride. lets work together. not apart.

I am coming from a place of love, and love is what I feel for my animals, which you will be adopting as children.which I want to stop experiments being done on. I love love, in all ways, but hate cruelty of animals and children, violence and suffering. I dont advocate justice, because I find life is fucking cruel, unfair and unjust. by default, so I focus on myself. what can be changed, and what I am able to do in my own locus on control. I will always find myself drawn to the outsiders, the misfits, the vagabonds, the misunderstood. I want to help people who are society, or socially, disadvantaged by trauma and mental illness, but only when I have ability to help myself.

it's a journey.

I will not date anyone who is cruel to animals, outside of specify magical sacrifice, there is not any place for that. nor will I date or fraternise with anything or anyone linked or associated with pedophilia. I won't judge anyone on anything that are outside animal cruelty and pedophilia. I don't and haven't. I keep on good terms with every ex, bar 1 whom I only apologised too this year. it felt good to do that. I change my behaviour.

I am open, but also highly attuned to both logical, factual, empirical , scientific worlds, and spiritual, intuitive, psychic and the "collective unconscious". I walk in both these realms, and I am "conventionally attractive". which puts a lot of pressure on me, to be "stupid". I am always dumbing myself down to fit into normality, but I look ridiculous if I do that so I peacock my intellect.

only to be misconceived.

I give up because I no longer care how anyone but MYSELF can see ME. I won't dumb myself down , but I can enhance you UP. prepare yourself for graded education, evolution and self-growth on mass scales.sorry not sorry.

that sucks for the people who want to be living vicariously through me, for making up to lost trauma years, for family who sold me out for the success I'd bring home, or fake trauma enmeshed friends, or whatever they want or need from me. I value my time and energy, and have given that in abundance, and if you want to be with nut only "one part of me that is alters". I can't provide that now. not sorry.

I have to work on something or not be in a dynamic at all.

I no longer can switch on demand to adapt for you, it will not be effective and that upsets a lot of people. especially now I'm sober. harder to handle this, as I see the world for its ways and why it is, more vividly. I haven't had alcohol for almost 2 months, although, I could drink, I haven't.

I can't do it, anymore. it, being, faking, my selves fronting to impress. I can't. I have no more left to give, and I'm expected by everyone to be a way I can't do it in the way they want.

I will go to another year long outpatient DBT, followed by 10 weeks of A-C-T therapy, and however many ECT OR TMS may or may not help. I'm told it won't (ect) work. but TMS, is something I am open too. but I am telling you, none of this psychotherapy, that will be based on dbt skills, day therapy, intensive skills training, recommencing my studying, and resuming "life worth living" will or can wipe the traumas I've "recovered" memories for.

I will also shut the fuck up, and tell nobody about this if you leave me alone, I told that to my family, and this is open letter to the watchers, stalkers and perps who read this openly as I track the hits on here and have 200+ visits a day every day for the last month. globally. no idea how or who you are but I think its the same people who called the police for the "ayreon song lyrics" seen to be a suicide not last October.

thanks for that wake up call, I have shut the fuck up, since December, more so now. I will burn the journals, or lock them up.

my recovery is not linear, not yet fully integrated and I trust nobody so I don't think my psychotherapy will be deep, I focus on things like ADHD AND my EDNOS. and dbt skills. I won't be talking about sexual traumas.

enjoy the update, and thanks for the "attention".

I have my goals, my work, my meaning and what my life should and could and will look like, but I will not share that with anyone. that means everyone right now.

I've been tested, traumatised and terrorised to the point of not-tolerant of anyone who may bring that back, and banish the fuck out of my sphere every moment I need.

take me as I am, or watch me as I go, which I will go, where I am not wanted I will remove myself, but I will find where I am celebrated because I create that.

I will rise up against all adversity every time but that is survival and that created a resilient and brave woman, in me. who will not be destroyed or decomposed by humans who are fundamentally fucking evil.

I gift you my truth, in progression, and give up the pain of the past.

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thelatelockdownlist · 4 years

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A Series on Series 04: Deborah Harkness’ All Souls Trilogy: A Discovery of Witches/Season 1

Hi! I’m Alex, a YouTube Newbie and this is The Late Lockdown List where I talk about the list of things I’ve got on my mind since the lockdown started.

Today, on the fourth episode of A Series on Series, I’ll be talking about Deborah Harkness’ All Souls Trilogy, starting with the first book, A Discovery of Witches

and the basis of the season 1 of the TV series.

Let’s dive a little bit into it.

Why is it called the ‘All Souls Trilogy’?

I could do research, but having read the entire series, I think it’s because the male lead, Matthew Clairmont or Matthew de Clermont, in the book belongs to the All Souls College at Oxford University.

A bit of trivia: All Souls College does not have undergraduate members, and it’s unique in the sense that all members automatically become fellows -- full members of the college’s governing body. The examination for the fellowship has once been described as ‘the hardest exam in the world.”

If you’re not familiar with the book or the TV series, just know that there are going to be a lot of spoilers. With that out of the way, first a primer:

The two main characters here are Diana Bishop

-- a Yale historian, visiting scholar at Oxford (where she also got her PhD) and reluctant witch.

She’s the daughter of two very powerful witches,

but due to the tragic death of her parents she’s shied away from witchcraft and very seldom uses her power, if at all. After her parents’ death, she was raised by her maternal aunt Sarah and her partner Emily who are both witches.

They tried to teach her, but Diana’s grief at her parents’ death caused her to all but reject magic.

Then we have Matthew Clairmont (aka Matthew de Clermont of the powerful vampire de Clermont family, aka Matthew Roydon), a geneticist, All Souls College fellow and 1,500-year-old vampire.

There are creatures in this series: daemons, vampires and witches. They’re not HUMAN. That’s why they call themselves ‘creatures’ -- to differentiate themselves from us. Daemons

are blessed with creativity and cursed with madness.

Vampires

are -- well, the usual kind that we’re familiar with. Here, though, they mate for life, like wolves.

Witches

have magic -- different kinds like time walking, precognition, flight, transmogrification, telekinesis, witchwind, witchfire, witchwater, and manipulation of the elements.

Basically, if you’re familiar with Harry Potter and Twilight, then you know what witches and vampires are. Speaking of the whole Harry Potter and Twilight thing, The New York Times calls this the ‘Harry Potter for grownups’

and NPR calls it ‘Twilight for the intellectually restless.’

Make of that what you will.

For me, I don’t compare this with the other two. I think it stands very separately from those. Since this is written by an historian, the approach is markedly different. It’s well-researched -- as are most historical romance novels -- because it does deal with a certain time period.

What I love about this -- and you’ll be hearing this from me a lot -- is the world building. I judge a book by the world it creates for me. I have to be able to LIVE in that world. And in most cases, I have to WANT to live in that world.

This is a world inhabited by creatures I’ve been fascinated with my entire life -- except for daemons. I did my first thesis on vampires -- let’s not talk about why it didn’t get accepted. It’s still a sore point for me even after so many years later. And as for witches, well… family tradition has it that my maternal great grandmother was a witch. In fact, growing up, I’d heard

whispers of her supplementing her income by being a ‘healer.’ I’m not sure how much of that is true but I like to believe that it is.

So vampires and witches, I’m sold. I can tolerate the daemons.

Another thing I love about this are the well-written characters. While I can’t actually relate to Diana Bishop, I don’t have to for me to like her. She just needs to be alive for me in the book. And she is very much so. I envy her graduate degrees -- I wish I had the discipline to obtain a PhD. And spending time at the Bodleian. *sigh*

Anyway, I can understand her rejection of magic. After all, in a way it’s what took her parents away from her. But I like how she was able to adjust when she realizes that she’s got this power -- which is far stronger than anyone thought it would be.

As for Matthew -- *sigh* -- I’m a sucker for vampires. Yes, I went there. I love him. He’s a scientist and he’s good with his hands. By that, I mean he used to be a stone mason so he can build things. What? I like a guy who’s handy.

I also like the love story. Matthew and Diana are equals -- in the sense that they are partners in the relationship. Of course, with Matthew having been alive for more than a millennia -- plus vampire, plus a guy, he has a tendency to be domineering, convinced that he’s doing all things to protect Diana. However, Diana is a POWERFUL witch. She’s a scholar, too. She can take care of herself. Matthew may be physically stronger, but Diana is a POWER. And as she grows into that, Matthew struggles to keep up as well curb his tendency to be overprotective. For the most part, they do keep this balance.

On to the differences of the book from the show:

Overall, the TV series was faithful to the book. Most of the scenes in TV series are in the book. The show is gorgeous. I love the architecture and just the overall mood. I think Teresa Palmer makes a good Diana, but I love Matthew Goode. Period. But he is very, very good as Matthew Clairmont.

I know Teresa Palmer is Australian and Diana Bishop is American so I’m not sure if it’s just me, but I do hear Teresa’s native accent here and there. It’s not distracting, but since I know that the one she uses for her character is not her original accent, I can’t help but hear the Australian one. Matthew Goode, on the other hand, is British, and Matthew Clairmont is as well. Well, for the last couple of centuries he is, but he’s originally French. But overall, I have no problem believing they’re really Diana and Matthew.

As for Gillian Chamberlain,

the other witch at Oxford who in the TV series is sort of Diana’s friend… in the book, they’re merely acquaintances. She’s played by Louise Brealey aka Molly Hooper in Sherlock.

I love the actress and I love that I found Gillian both slightly annoying and a bit pathetic. Because in the book, she is. So I love that that’s how she’s also played in the series.

Then we have Aunt Sarah. When I saw Alex Kingston, my first thought was, “River!” If you don’t know, Alex Kingston played ‘River Song’ in Doctor Who.

And I loved her in that. So I knew I’d love her here, too. I do have the same ‘thing’ with her as with Teresa. Alex Kingston is British and here she plays an American. I can hear the accent. It’s not distracting, but it’s there.

And then there’s Peter Knox.

In the book, I found him arrogant, condescending and just a generally irritating person. In the series, he is more so. And the actor who plays him played Ser Alliser Thorne in ‘Game of Thrones.’

He was one of the Night’s Watch who tormented and had a hand, literally, in killing Jon Snow. But he got his comeuppance when he was hanged with the rest of the traitors. He was very convincing as a conniving SOB in GOT. And he is here, as well. In fact, he’s equal parts menacing and irritating. Which is a terrifying combination because if he’s just irritating, you can swat him away like a gnat. But because he’s menacing, you know you have to watch your back.

Satu Jarvinen

in the show is exactly how I thought she would look like when I read her in the book. In fact, the actress Malin Buska, infuses her with a somewhat edgy, emo attitude that really works. You can see why Satu and Peter work well because they seem to have something missing inside them that they think the other one has. It’s not a romantic connection -- more that of villains who don’t think they’re bad people.

And Ysabeau de Clermont.

Lindsay Duncan plays her, who also played Lady Smallwood in Sherlock.

She does have the whole ‘lady of the manor’ aura -- both regal and frightening. I really liked how she snobbishly said how modern day witches are so uneducated -- all because Diana even with her post graduate degrees didn’t speak Occitan.

FAVORITE SCENES:

The rowing scenes:

This is very self-serving because I like rowing. I haven’t had a lot of chances to row in the water. I bought a rowing machine at the start of the pandemic and actually did a few months of rowing for 20 minutes three times a week. Then I stopped. I can’t remember why. But I love the scenes of Diana rowing -- which she does to rid herself of excess energy caused by her power -- because I imagine rowing along the Thames myself.

Any time they’re in the Bodleian: I love libraries. I’ve loved them since I was a child. I loved them when I was in college. I was actually really excited that my university decided to extend the library hours on Fridays just so I could stay there and read to my heart’s content. Also, whenever I go to a foreign country, I always go to the national library.

This isn’t in the show, but in the book, but I love how everyone at the Bodleian scrambled to cater to Matthew when he went to the library. I liked how irritated Diana was that this guy took her spot… that they gave it to him solely on the basis of his being an All Souls fellow. In the TV series, they don’t really emphasize how much of a big shot Matthew is at Oxford.

I like how Matthew, when he was talking to his daemon friend, Hamish Osborne, was self-aware enough not to immediately think that Diana had the same feelings for him as he did for her. Since he’s a 1,500-year-old vampire who knew Charles Darwin, of course he’s a great resource for a history of science researcher.

I love that part when Diana was trying to guess how old Matthew was and she asked, “Survived the fall of Carthage?” and he says, “Which fall of Carthage?” It was a playful exchange, and you can see that he was showing off a bit.

Sept-Tours:

literally ‘Seven Towers’ and is the current family home of the de Clermonts. It must be hell to heat, but as most of the residents are vampires, it shouldn’t be a problem. It’s beautiful and like Matthew, I would probably claim my own tower as well.

While it’s not my favorite scene, I think they did the part of Satu torturing Diana

-- in the pretext of trying to ‘open her up’ to see what her power is -- was done well. When I read that scene, I was wondering how much of it they were going to put in the book. So it was heartening to see that ‘horrifying’ scene there.

I’m not sure how I feel about the ‘instalove.’ You know that thing that sometimes happens where the leads just fall in love at first sight? In the series, it feels like it’s instalove. Diana and Matthew first meet at the Bodleian -- the day after Diana experiences the magic in Ashmole 782. It’s a book all creatures have been trying to find. Matthew, in particular, has been searching for it for more than a century. It’s thought to explain the origins of all creatures. Matthew is initially drawn to Diana because she is able to “call” the book.

Anyway, going back to the idea of ‘instalove,’ I mean, sure there was chemistry… but... In the books, their connection was fostered both by the time they spent with each other and their curiosity about Ashmole 782. I was more convinced in the book about that part than in the TV series. Or maybe it’s my deep-seated and sometimes difficult to conceal bias FOR the book versus its live action adaptation.

The Congregation: Secret island!

It’s actually on an island in Venice, concealed from humans. It has nine members, 3 from each supernatural race. And since the de Clermont patriarch established it, one of the rules is to always have a de Clermont on the Congregation. It was created during the Crusades as a self-regulating body for the creatures. Because most of the creatures abused their powers and abilities to influence outcomes during the Crusades, they attracted unwanted attention from humans. Ostensibly to keep the creatures safe from humans, the congregation agreed to several covenants: the main ones being that they must not interfere in human politics and religion and for creatures not to mix together, especially in terms of romantic relationships.

This is the covenant Diana and Matthew break. In fairness to Diana, she had no idea. She didn’t even know about the existence of The Congregation, much less the covenant. And so Matthew does this whole ‘noble idiot’ thing where he denies his feelings for her… but of course, in the end, they end up together.

Moving on, the first book ends with Diana and Matthew going back to New York to Aunt Sarah’s and Aunt Em’s house. The original plan was for Diana to learn more about her magic from her witch aunts. The problem is that Diana’s magic isn’t the same as theirs. And they need someone to teach her so she can call the book again -- this time intentionally.

They’re joined by married daemons, Sophie and Nathaniel; two vampires: Marcus, Matthew’s vampire son, and Miriam, an ally of the de Clermonts and Matthew’s colleague at the lab, and Hamish. As there are now 3 witches (Sarah, Em and Diana), 3 vampires (including Matthew) and 3 demons, this is in effect a ‘coventicle’ -- this will be important later in the books.

They’re all gathered there for different reasons: Sophie, because she’s meant to give Diana something that has been passed down in her family for generations (and one that’s needed for the timewalk, the vampires to update Matthew regarding their research (and I guess for moral support as well), and Hamish both because he’s Matthew’s best friend and lawyer (real world legalities must be observed before one undertakes a timewalk).

They leave for Sept Tour, which Matthew volunteered as their HQ of sorts, on Halloween. That night, Matthew and Diana are going to timewalk. And seconds before they could do so, Gerbert de Aurillac, Peter Knox and Satu Jarvinen arrive to stop them.

Of course, they don’t and we see our couple land somewhat shakily in 1590 London…

And the season ends there, setting us up for the next one and The Book of Shadows.

FINAL NOTE:

I LOVE IT!

Like I said earlier, it’s faithful to the book in the sense that I didn’t find anything that was off.

If you loved the books, I’m sure you’ll love the TV adaptation as well.

I was a little nervous that I wouldn’t love it as much. I’d been burned before, you see. (I’m looking at you, American Gods. Even Ian McShane and Orlando Jones’ Mr. Nancy couldn’t keep me hooked.)

However, I wasn’t disappointed in this one. There’s a lot to love here and I’m glad that there’s a second season -- and now they’re even done filming the third.

So that’s it for the first book and Season 1. Catch you in the next episode for The Book of Shadows and Season 2. Bye!

#the late lockdown list #a series on series #a discovery of witches #review

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onestowatch · 3 years

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Lowertown Is Growing Up [First Look + Q&A]

Photo: Shamshawan Scott

Olivia Osby and Avsha Weinberg always knew they wanted to make music. The difficult part came when the inevitable questions of how and with who would arise. At least that was the case until a chance encounter in a high school math class in suburban Atlanta, which would eventually serve as the birthplace for Lowertown. Now, a few odd years later Olivia and Avsha find themselves signed to Dirty Hit, home to the likes of The 1975 and beabadoobee, and aiming to make their most ambitious project to date.

“The Gaping Mouth,” a sprawling confessional that blends soft-spoken lyricism bordering on avant-garde poetry and experimental indie rock instrumentation, arrives as the first taste of that ambition. The titular single from their forthcoming EP, set to release September 16, feels like a daring call to arms, a single firework shot in the dark, impossible to ignore and indistinguishable. Most notably of all, it feels like a noted maturation for the duo, a step forward into new, uncharted territory.

On the new single, Osby ponders on the object of her affection, or rather attention, repeatedly uttering the lines “You are the iris in my eye” until they no longer seem to be coming from her, taking on the weight of a mantra spoken outside herself. It’s only one such instance of the duo’s newfound stream-of-conscious lyrical approach, which sees them ruminating on the fallacy of growing up and the associated fantasies that come with it. All of this is complemented by the duo’s fearless instrumentation and production flourishes, which call to mind everything from experimental ‘90s indie rock to the sonic detours that permeated Sufjan Steven’s early works.

We had the chance to speak to Lowertown via e-mail about the difficulties of shifting from “teenagerdom” to adulthood, the advantages of having a french fry fork and their bold new musical direction.

You two originally met in a high school math class. How did the discussion of music first get brought up and how did it lead to forming Lowertown?

Avsha: Olivia was a new student at the school, and I was shy, so we had sat next to each other for some time before we really had any conversation. After some months, I would look at the music Olivia would listen to over her shoulder and make small excited comments or jokes. That’s how our friendship began, through comments about Olivia’s love of emo music or my insufferable judgment on some new music I had heard. It took a year for us to start thinking about doing music together. The eventual forming of Lowertown happened on a beach in Ottawa, where I was again making a judgment on some new song I had found and decided to show Olivia some of my demos. That was where we decided to work together. Those demos and others eventually formed our first record Friends

Were there ever any thoughts about pursuing music before that fateful meeting?

Olivia: I’d always hoped to be able to do music professionally, but it had always seemed like it was so far away from being possible. I always knew that even if my solo music did not work out as a career, I wanted to work in the music field. Whether that was becoming a manager for other musicians or becoming a booking agent, I knew for a long time I wanted to be surrounded by music no matter what I ended up doing.

A: I had spent almost my entire life hoping to be a musician. I started playing classical piano at age four, and up until two years ago, was planning on going to a conservatory and becoming a concert pianist. As my taste expanded, I taught myself guitar, drums, bass, and production, all with the hopes of continuing professionally. Growing up, I was exposed to many different artists and genres, and I always wanted to give people what the music that I grew up with gave to me. The demos that I had recorded in middle school were the ones I showed Olivia and the ones that led to us knowing that we had to start a band.

What was it like signing to Dirty Hit?

A: The process of signing was definitely a difficult one as we had begun talking with the label only a few months before COVID, and as we were narrowing down on the decision to sign, it became incredibly difficult to see a scenario where we would be able to meet anybody on the label. We ended up having many, many FaceTime and Zoom conversations, wherein we were able to talk in-depth with the team and get a good sense of the label. These conversations were really great, and it was a great signifier of the relationship to come as we have had a really great relationship with the label. Although the signing process was tumultuous, we were able to grasp that the relationship between Dirty Hit and their artists was a familial one, and that made us incredibly excited to work together.

If you could have one thing in the world at this very moment, what would it be?

O: A good night’s sleep. I have terrible insomnia and can’t remember the last time I had one.

A: A french fry fork. I’m pretty exhausted with how messy eating french fries is.

Has the past year affected how your approach music at all?

A: In the past, I knew that the more I worked, the better I became, but this year has shown me that the times that you choose to completely leave some things alone are just as important as the times that you focus all your energy on them. I was completely drained of inspiration and motivation until I was able to sit and do absolutely nothing. The lack of music helped me realize that there was a lot about myself that I wasn’t thinking about. I was able to learn more about myself and have new sources of inspiration and thought.

O: For sure. This year has given me an excessive amount of time to get better at playing music in general since I’ve been on my own so much. It has also given me too much time to sit and think by myself, which can be beneficial for music but also pretty detrimental at the same time. I’ve ended up feeling like my old sound and writing process was really stale, since I had been writing songs the same way for years. I’ve ended up experimenting a lot with new sounds and approaches to songwriting, which has been extremely refreshing and I feel like it’s brought out some of my best work. I used to put way less emphasis on instrumentation, but now that I’ve progressed a lot musically, I’ve written a lot of instrumentation that I’m very proud of and that has ended up developing into Lowertown work. I also learned a lot about production over this past year which has been extremely inspiring and helpful for my solo work.

How did you approach the songwriting on “The Gaping Mouth?” The lyricism and experimental instrumentation are honestly breathtaking.

A: When composing the instrumentals, I wanted to write a song that was very expressive and unique but that worked entirely on feeling rather than a traditional verse and chorus song. I wanted to write the piece with points that I knew the guitars would push Olivia’s voice to the forefront and points that raised the energy around Olivia’s words. Olivia’s lyrics are so personal, and she always has so much to say, so I wanted the whole song to ebb and flow together with the identical, and occasionally reciprocal, emotion and intimacy.

O: Avsha sent me this beautiful guitar piece one day and it immediately connected with me, and I stayed up all night working on it. I recorded a demo take of the vocals, just singing/talking over the song where it felt right and natural. That first take I took at home at four in the morning actually ended up being used in the final song because it felt so emotive and raw. The first vocal take had an unmatched authenticity that we couldn’t capture again in the studio no matter how many takes we tried. Our producer Catherine ended up falling in love with it as well and did not want to try to replicate something that was already amazing as it was.

There’s a real sense of maturation present not just in the delivery of the single but in the lyrics, “Being stupid and being 15 / Being older and think I know who I am and what I want… / The way I stay the same and I never change.” Is growing up or rather the idea of growing up a central theme to the music you’re currently working on?

O: I had just graduated high school when we were writing this new project, and I was feeling extremely anxious about the trajectory of my life. I kept thinking about if I was doing all that I should be doing at this age and how much had I really changed since the beginning of high school. I felt like a lot of mannerisms and detrimental ways of thinking that had plagued me when I was 14-15 were still incredibly present in my life, and it felt pathetic to think that I had not made much progress on some of my biggest shortcomings since I had first become a teenager. I feel like at 18/19, you’re not quite an adult, but you’re no longer just a teenager. You begin to shoulder real responsibility and have a lot of agency over your life. It’s quite terrifying being the one who has the power to make important personal decisions. If you screw up, it’s on you and no one else. The transition from high school where you have assignments to turn in every day and tests and a crazy amount of structure (you wake up and go to bed the same time every weekday) to making music and creating with a self-made schedule can be extremely jarring. I’m still grappling with that transition, as my workflow can sometimes trail into six in the morning which sometimes becomes a problem.

“The Gaping Mouth” is the eponymous single from your forthcoming EP. What can people expect from your new EP?

O: It’s gonna be leveled up from anything we’ve dropped before! This is our first project recorded in a studio setting as well as working in-person with a producer. We’ve matured since our last project as musicians and we’ve simply grown more into adults. A lot of this was written when we were 18 and when we’d just turned 19, and a lot of things happened at that point in our lives to write about. Our producer Catherine really helped push me to my full potential while working together. There are some louder songs mixed with some instrumentally dense and beautiful songs. There’s a good amount of experimentation as well in this project that I’m excited for everyone to hear.

A: We’ve focused so much on our songwriting and composition; I think people will be able to hear how we’ve matured. I think this EP reflects our need to always change our sound and grow it. It’s exciting because I think it’s really fresh and still has our musical roots sewn into the core.

And what’s one thing you hope people take away from this next stage of your music?

A: I hope people are able to see the world and the story that we want to create with our music. I hope people can see that our sound will always be maturing and that our music can be surprising and exciting.

O: I feel like our fan base has grown alongside us. Lowertown has been a project since we were 16 and it feels like it has already come so far, which is so amazing and I’m really thankful for everything that’s happened thus far. I hope our music can continue to authentically capture each stage of life Avsha and I live through while making music together. This record was written fresh after graduating high school, so I hope those who are grappling with the jarring transition from teenagerdom to adulthood can find some solace in the feelings expressed in this record.

What is your go-to fast food order?

O: We’re both pescatarian so sometimes finding easy fast food can be annoying. I’m a big burrito person so I’ll always get a bean burrito with a ton of veggies.

A: A universal choice for me in any fast food place would be an extra large order of fries, or however many is the most they offer, and a large Diet Coke. There were points during this year where every day of the week was punctuated with an absurd amount of McDonald’s fries and hot sauce.

Who are your Ones To Watch?

O: Pretty Sick , Horse Jumper of Love, N0v3l

A: Uboa, OOIOO, Donzii

#lowertown #interview #the gaping mouth #indie #indie rock

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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1169

Do you take lessons for anything? No. I’ve done so in the past, but not at the moment.

Has something really heavy ever fallen on you? Other than siblings or cousins from when we played together as kids, I don’t think so.

If you wear makeup, what colors do you usually wear? I never wear makeup but whenever my friends have used my face as a practice stage (lol) they’ve usually just used natural or nude-ish colors, which I find look okay on me.

Does your shower have curtains or a glass door/wall? It has a sliding door. I’m not sure what material it’s made out of, but I can tell you it’s at least not glass.

If you have more than one pet, do they ever get jealous of each other? Cooper does tend to bark and/or whine when he sees me giving more attention to Kimi, but not always. Kimi couldn’t give less of a crap, but this is also because he is 13.

Is there a room in your house that you don’t like going in? I used to not like being inside my bedroom, especially after the breakup. For a long time it was a place I only associated with crying and breakdowns, so when I was doing the arduous task of starting over I haaaaated staying there because it only hurled me right back to square one. But I’m happy to say that I eventually got better, had enough strength to change the narrative for my room, and now I like being here again :)

Do you remember the last question you were asked? What did you answer? My mom just asked me to watch Cooper because he was having the zoomies.

Besides salt and butter, do you put anything on your popcorn? Not a big fan of popcorn but if I had to pick a topping, I’d go with cheddar cheese.

Are you lonely? I’ll feel it sometimes, but it only lasts for a moment or so.

What’s your favorite magazine to read? Wow I haven’t read a magazine in years.

Do you like pineapple? I hate it. In all forms. The pizza debate doesn’t even matter to me lmao, I just think pineapple downright sucks.

Have you ever seen fireflies? They used to be common in our village when we first moved in, back when there were only like 3 houses in the neighborhood (we were one of the first to move in here). As more houses were built and the place got more occupied the fireflies gradually lessened until they disappeared altogether.

Have you ever trespassed? I very vividly remember taking multiple trips to the school cemetery back in grade school (I went to Catholic school and ours had a cemetery below our chapel, where all our deceased nuns were housed...I really shouldn’t be talking about this at 10 PM...). I am 100% sure that was an off-limits area but we went there anyway because we were a naughty group of kids and because no one was guarding the area.

Do you tell your parents where you are going? Yeah; if I live with them, they have the right to know. < Ooh, I’ve never even thought about it this way before but this is a very good point. I’ll second this, haha.

Do you agree with the notion that all people were created equal? Yes.

Do you raise your hand or participate in class? God never. I hid as much as I can and only recited if I was called on purpose.

Do you like visiting the mall? Why or why not? I like the malls that we have. But then again, malls are the only decent public spaces we have - we don’t have public libraries, parks, playgrounds, etc. – so it’s not like I have a choice on where I can go if I want to go out.

Have you ever purposely hurt an animal? Yeah I kill bugs when I see them. Soz, I have no feelings for them whatsoever.

Would you ever see a therapist? I planned to finally do this last year but it just fell through haha and eventually I was able to care for myself too. Now that I’m doing a lot better for the most part, I feel like I’d have no clue what to talk about once faced with one.

Are you afraid of heights? Only if I had to jump all the way down. But if I ever found myself staying at an extreme height simply to enjoy the view, or if I was ever in one of those towers where the top floor’s floor is made out of glass, I think I would enjoy that.

Are you afraid of the dark? I always say I’m usually not afraid of the dark, and will only be if I was in a situation that was intended to scare me. I would definitely be afraid of the dark if I was in like an abandoned cave or a haunted house, but I would also find the darkness in my room comforting.

Are you a jealous person? When I am it’s mostly been in a playful sense and rarely serious.

When is your birthday? April 21st.

What are you listening to right now? My very very old aircon doing its very very loud whirring thing. It’s become a running joke in the family because it is literally SO FUCKING LOUD hahahaha Have you ever been caught doing something you weren’t supposed to be doing? As a goody-goody, I can only ever do this to my mom; but yeah, she’s caught me many times.

Are you still friends with someone from kindergarten? Sure, but I’m not ~close friends with any of them. Just chummy enough to like their photos on social media once in a while or greet them happy birthday. My oldest friend was from Grade 1.

What is the most important thing to you? Being happy with myself and making sure I don’t miss out on life and opportunities.

Do you like whipped cream? I can take it or leave it.

Are you close to your mother? We get along but not close.

Are you close to your father? I’m closer to him in the sense that I would be more comfortable around him, but we’re also not physically or emotionally close.

Do you walk around bare foot when you're at home? Or do you wear socks? I am Asian hahaha what do you think?

Do you like chocolate popsicles? Sure! One would sound lovely right now, actually.

Would you ever be your school’s mascot who wears that costume? Both of the schools I’ve attended don’t have mascots.

Would you rather see the Great Wall of China or Big Ben? Great Wall for sure. Sorry but I can’t see myself getting excited over a giant clock, and I’m sure there are other lovely spots in London I’d much rather visit.

Have you ever written a poem? Always unsuccessfully. It’s never been my forte.

Would you ever be a tornado chaser? That’s a thing? Uh...no way??

What is your favorite thing to eat with bbq sauce, if you even like that stuff? Pizza. And anything, I guess. Barbecue sauce is the bomb.

Your parents tell you that this summer, you get to pick the vacation. Where do you plan to go? Covid notwithstanding and budget permitting, probably New York City.

What do you think is a good theme for a prom? I could not care less.

Have you ever had to do a class in summer school? Thankfully, never.

Do you get nervous when you go to the doctor? About what? You know, I’ve always thought going to the doctor was no sweat until I realized just how nervous I was when I had to book a telemedicine consultation once as part of my job (PR can make you do the most random, out of context things sometimes, I swear haha). I surprised even myself with the reaction I had when I found out I had to do it, and how I felt like declining the offer...I guess I was scared about the possibility of underlying health issues suddenly being unearthed. Your whole life can always get turned upside down in the blink of an eye with just one diagnosis.

Have you ever been to the rainforest? I’m pretty sure the climate I live in is called tropical rainforest, so I guess yeah.

Have you ever created a website? Not from scratch. I had always made it under an umbrella website, like Blogspot.

Ever thought about writing a book? Sure, as a kid.

Have you ever had a dream where you killed someone? No. Whenever I have dreams of that nature it’s always me or a loved one being killed, but never me doing the killing.

Do you ever make up stories in your head and wish they come true? Yes.

Which is worse: stuffy nose or runny nose? Stuffy. It sucks not being able to breathe freely.

Which is worse: Sick to your stomach or sore throat? I super hate sore throat. I already get stomachaches frequently, so even though I know how sucky it can be I feel like the discomfort would be bigger with a sore throat.

Do you think your last relationship was a disaster? The way it ended was, but it wouldn’t be fair to myself to invalidate the genuine happiness I felt when I was in it.

Have you ever solved a Rubik’s Cube? Never.

Who do you think is the easiest to talk to? Angela.

Would you consider yourself to be emo? No.

Do you have a favourite metal band or do you not like metal? Not really, no.

What is your current desktop picture? It’s just one of the provided desktop photos on my Mac.

Thick or thin blanket? Thick.

Who are your favorite bands? Paramore, Coldplay, and Against Me!

How do you mark through your word search puzzles? Depends on my mood. Sometimes I’ll strike through and sometimes I’ll go ahead and encircle the entire word altogether.

Have you ever sewn something? I’ve done embroidery...does that count?

What did you eat for dinner last night? We had breakfast for dinner, actually hahaha so my dad made an omelette, hotdogs, and tapa.

Ever been grounded? If so, for what? Continued from last night. Yes, I was caught cursing all over Twitter when I was like 11 so my parents cut off my access to all my gadgets for a year or so. Which, in retrospect, is an acceptable consequence for my actions, but we’re also talking about a time when schools were starting to view the internet as a necessity in doing homework and research. I missed out on nearly all my homework for a while, and my mom didn’t buy it when I kept telling her I needed to do my research over the internet. At the same time, she kept demanding why my grades weren’t doing so well when she was the reason they kept being pulled down...so yep, not a very fun time.

Have you seen all of the Jaws movies? No and I don’t really have the desire to. Doesn’t seem like my kind of movie.

When was the last time you played cards? (not on the computer) Maybe 2 or 3 years ago.

Have you ever drank Cherry Coke? No, I don’t drink any soda.

Have you ever had a black eye? Nope.

Have you ever eaten a bug? Not to my recollection, but I would love to try cooked crickets and whatever bug can be prepared and eaten.

Do you like pranking people? Never; the idea makes me cringe since I never know when it’s considered going too far. I’d rather watch people prank other people.

Did you ever take a cooking class in school? Yeah, but we were required to take it. We also had some baking sessions, which to me was a lot more fun. I remember having to make macarons and rainbow cake which are both right up my alley, heehee.

Do you celebrate St. Patrick’s Day? No, idk what that is. I just know people turn everything green on that day lol.

Do you use Skype? I’ve never used Skype on my own. That’s where I used to talk to my dad for video calls maybe around a decade ago, whenever he was abroad; but I never had my own account. These days I alternate among Microsoft Teams, Google Meet, or Zoom.

Have you ever participated in local magazine cover girl searches? I don’t think so, but I did join a few contests on some of those kid’s magazines we used to have...none of which I won.

Have you ever been called a skank/slut because of the way you dress? No.

Is your ex sexually attractive to you still? I haven’t seen her in 5 months, which helps...that said, I simply feel nothing. I’m neither sexually attracted nor not sexually attracted to her.

Describe the most romantic moment you’ve ever had. I can think of one but I don’t see the point in still raising it, considering where I am in life right now.

Have you ever cheated on a test? Yes, once. I hated it.

Have you ever been to couple’s counseling? Nope.

How often does your employer ask you to work overtime? A few times a week. Sometimes I’ll do it willingly as well just to get the task over with or to save myself some deliverables the next morning. I’m fine with OT-ing tbh; since I work from home, I feel like my time is a lot more flexible.

Did you often read for fun when you were a kid? I read A LOOOOOT as a kid. I was a total bookworm. < Yeah, same. You could always find me bringing a book to school and reading during breaks, even though they technically didn’t allow us to bring any non-academic book. My spark for reading died when I was around 12, same time as when my depression started to kick in, and it never really came back.

When was the last time you were scared? Someone from the media called me up yesterday VIA LANDLINE to ask a question about a press release I had sent out that day. I usually read up on the materials we have, but I honestly didn’t give a shit about that particular story and didn’t really make an effort to know more about it, so I found myself stumped when he dropped the question. I ended up stalling for a bit before I was able to stutter an answer, so that was scary, but at least he was nice. Also, I hate phone calls.

What’s your favorite song by Rihanna? KISS IT KISS IT BETTER

Can you speak binary? No, I never understood it.

Would you rather live somewhere that had hurricanes or tornadoes? I already do, at least for hurricanes. I imagine I’d be terrified of tornadoes.

Have you ever had a pet that you disliked? Nooooooo, never. I was never close to Arlee but I still did my best for her to like me, and always fed her whenever my sister would be in her dorm.

When was the last time you saw hail? Never. Doesn’t happen all that often here, and when it does it’s always in the provinces.

What is on your mind right this second: I want to spend my remaining time awake reading fanfic (I’m into them again, omg) but I also wanna finish surveys...so I’m doing my best to breeze through this so I can finally look for something to read hahahahaha.

Have you ever given a nickname to your pet(s)? Cooper is Cooperino to me. Sometimes I’ll call him Cooperino Cappuccino. Kimi is Kimchi, Kimmerl, Kimberly, The Kimster, and sometimes Lolo, which is grandpa in Filipino heheh.

When was the last time you shaved your legs? Like 3 or 4 days ago.

Do you ever try free samples at the store? Nope.

Do you like boys with long hair? Physical traits don’t matter much to me.

Do you like rootbeer? I’ve never tried it but I don’t really want to either haha. It smells weird.

What is the best fast food place, in your opinion? KFC or Taco Bell. Or Jollibee.

Do you have faith in yourself? Starting to.

#survey #surveys

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preparetosufferemotionally · 4 years

Text

Home, Part Four: You Left Me to Bleed

Prinexity

TW: Trauma, cursing, Unsympathetic Janus, Unsympathetic Patton, past abusive relationships, child growing up in a toxic home, manipulation, emotional abuse, physical abuse, a stray cat, playboy, Remus, Trans!Virgil, friend break up, trauma, alludes to dissociation, traumatic experiences.

Jeremy Empire was the school heartbreaker. Fitting, since he had his broken first. He knew that these weren’t the only names he was called. Gay JD, bad boy, fuck boy, and no good peice of shit were a couple of his other favorites. Remy was never in one place, he was in five at once. He caused trouble, but no one could ever declare him guilty. HIs fathers weren’t exactly pleased with what he did, but they did acknowledge that they gave him those traits. Roman gave him the romance, Virgil the emo rebel, his uncle Remus lent the trouble maker, and Emile...oh he gave him pain.

Pain seemed to be a family trait. Everyone in Remy’s family always had some heartbreak, some emotional destruction. Hell, even their cat, Panic!, had something wrong with his life. The cat was a stray until Remy’s dads found and adopted him.

Regardless, none of that mattered. Remy threw on his leather jacket, grabbed a coffee, got on his father’s old motorcycle, and went to school. It was junior year, a year of stress and susceptible emotions. So, the perfect time to find someone new to hit on. Remy went through the ideas as he walked through the halls. Maybe an aggressively straight guy with obvious internalized homophobia? Or the gay nerd that really wants attention? Or the-

Remy’s thoughts were abruptly interrupted when he accidentally slammed into a fellow student.

“Shit,” He cursed. He saw the person’s tawny hair and sweater vest. Clearly a nerd, considering how many books were lying on the ground. Maybe he should help? But by the time Remy came to that conclusion, the books were already in his arms.

“Sorry, I didn’t see you there,” the person mumbled. “I’ll just go.” The person started to walk away but Remy grabbed their sleeve. They sounded familiar. The person stopped. “Could you let go of my sleeve please?” Remy didn’t respond, instead pulling the sleeve slightly, which caused the person to turn around. Remy attempted to make eye contact through sunglasses, but the person dropped their head, avoiding it like a pro. He was impressive. “Please let go of my sleeve.”

“Make eye contact and I let go.” The person shifted the books in their arms and sighed, before lifting up their head. Remy stumbled backward. A sixteen year old Emile looked at him uncomfortably through glasses. He barely changed since they were kids, still with a face that looks like it could smile in moments. “Emile?” Remy gasped, too shocked to say anything. He hadn’t seen him since sixth grade, he had assumed he transferred schools.

“I’m sorry, do I know you?” Emile asked, dropping his gaze again to avoid eye contact. Remy felt all his emotions rush forward again, just like the day Emile abandoned him. He attempted to keep his cool, but it was so hard when fucking Emile was standing there, acting like they had never been friends. First leaving him alone, and now this. Emile was a son of bitch.

Remy didn’t even realize Emile had shrunk back, holding his books to his chest, until he came close, almost nose to nose with him.

“You should.” Emile flinched, taking a step back.

“I’m really sorry, but I just don’t know who you are,” Emile panicked. At this point people stopped to watch. It was the most interesting they’d see all day. Everyone knew who the two were. Emile would always be there with a smile if you needed help and Remy had broken hearts so many times, he was probably heartless.

“You are a fucking monster.” Emile’s eyes filled with tears that he stubbornly held back in. Those words echoed in his skull. Remy glared at him.

“I’m sorry,” Emile whispered, quickly running off into the crowd. Remy watched him run off. Then he stormed off into the opposite direction.

For the rest of the day, gossip followed the two around school. Were they scorned lovers? Mortal enemies? Did Remy break his heart? Did Emile break Remy’s? Was there a dramatic backstory? Did the two meet and one had a concussion and forgot? Was this some alternate universe that they traveled to where only Remy knew he saw Emile? Nobody was too sure. But two things were known. Remy was furious, and Emile was terrified. And that was enough for the rumors to make their way home.

“All I’m saying is, hypothetically, you could murder him.”

“REMUS!”

“Whaaat?” Roman shook his head at his brother, holding Virgil’s hand gently as they sat on the couch.

“I don’t know if you know this Mr. Mad Scientist, but in the real world murder is illegal!”

“Only if you get caught,” Virgil chimed in, petting the cat. Roman looked at him, exasperated.

“It's amazing that I’m the only impulse control in this house.” Remus cackled as Virgil chucked a pillow at Roman’s head. Remy sat silently, not talking about anything that happened today. The adults stopped when Remy remained silent.

“Hey Remy, sweetheart, are you okay? I know that must have been very upsetting,” Virgil said softly. Remy rolled his eyes and huffed.

“Upsetting is one word for ripping out my heart and stopping on its already broken pieces.”

“You sound exactly like your father,” Virgil snorted. Roman smiled, leaning over and kissing the top of Virgil’s head.

“What can I say, I have the better genes.” Virgil leaned on Roman’s shoulder.

“Aren’t you related to that trash rat?”

“Regardless, still better.”

“Alright, stop flirting with you two. Clearly your son is having an emotional crisis. And I’m shit at emotions, so do your thing,” Remus said, gesturing to Remy. Virgil sighed and nodded.

“I know this is rough-”

“You have no idea how ROUGH this is. How could he just forget me like that? We were best friends, and he abandoned me.” Virgil and Roman exchanged a look as Remy fumed. Then Roman sighed, and stepped forward.

“He didn’t abandon you.” Remy looked at him incredulously, standing up.

“Um, I’m pretty sure he did dad!” Roman shook his head.

“He didn’t. At least not on purpose.” Remy fell back into his seat, confused.

“What?”

“Virgil will explain better.” Virgil got up and sat next to his son, one hand on his back soothingly.

“So it looks like I’m going to have to tell you a long story. It started in college.”

“You’re kidding. Emile abandoning me, starts when you were in college? Bullshit.” Virgil rolled his eyes while Remus and Roman exchanged a look.

“You are very lucky I didn’t start when I was in sophomore year of college. Trust me, this shit goes back a long while.” Remy flopped backward.

“Fiiiine.”

“Good. I wasn’t dating your father at the time, instead I was dating Deceit.”

“Okay, this is not some dudes name is it?” Roman joined in, responding for Virgil.

“No it's not, but it's very difficult for your father to refer to him by his given name.”

“Why?”

“i’m getting to that,” Virgil said, getting irritated. “I will explain everything, just please stop interrupting.” Remy rolled his eyes but nodded. “Now Deceit was not a good person.”

“That's a nice way of saying absolute dickhead,” Remus muttered. Virgil glared at him and he shut up. Remy sat up, a bit more interested.

“Anyway, he wasn’t a good person,”

“Dickhead,” Remus muttered.

“AND his brother was a person named Patton Lugner.”

“How is this important?” Remy asked, becoming bored again, grabbing a cup of coffee and starting to sip out of it.

“COULD YOU ALL JUST LET ME SPEAK?” Everyone immediately shut up. “Thank god. Now, I had been dating Deceit since sophomore year of highschool and we moved to college together. He was the only person I knew, so I was very isolated and alone. I had terrible anxiety at the time and being alone around him made it worse.” Virgil hitched a breath. Roman came over, encouraging him with a gentle arm around his shoulder.

“Deceit could get violent. In fact, he rarely didn’t. On the outside, you wouldn’t have known it. It was so easy to fall into his trap that way. He smoothly talked and lied about everything. He could have said, ‘The sky is green’ and I would have accepted it without question. That was the type of person he was. I had been incredibly nervous so I only saw people with Deceit. Naturally that met the only people I ever saw were people Deceit trusted to not help me. So, I met his brother Patton. I was convinced he didn’t know, so I acted secretive. He did know though. About everything that went on behind the closed doors.” Virgil inhaled and exhaled, trying to calm back down. Roman soothed him, and he began to speak again.

“Then I met your uncle Remus. He was best friends with Deceit.” Remy spit out his coffee.

“WHAT?!”

“Hey, I didn’t know he was a complete dolphin’s asshole at the time,” Remus shrugged. Remy gaped at his uncle. This was quite the story to be hearing and it had barely started.

“We didn’t talk much, he was quite loud and out there, and frankly I was terrified. But one night I ran out of the dorm, absolutely terrified and in pain. And your uncle Remus was there. I was hidden by the dark and my hoodie, so he didn’t know it was me, but he was kind and asked why I was here. I said I had been hurt badly,” Virgil unintentionally flinched at the memory, trying to get back on track. “He asked who did. And I said it was my boyfriend. He wanted to get me help immediately, because despite his off the wall attitude, your uncle was a good person.”

“Why thank you Virgey.” Virgil rolled his eyes.

“I said no, because I was so scared what would happen if he found out. But he tried to encourage me to leave, even if he couldn’t help. I didn’t listen at first, but the words sunk into my brain and stayed there. He succeeded in planting the doubt in my head. And one night, when I had finally had enough, I broke up with Deceit and immediately ran out the door, not listening to what he wanted to say or do next. Next thing I knew I was in the center of the grounds running as fast as I could away. And then I bumped right into your father.”

“This is like a cheesy rom-com,” Remy muttered, before Roman, not Virgil shot him a dirty look.

“Anyway, I ran into your father. And I didn’t really know what I was doing at the time, but I begged for him to let me be in his dorm. I said I was running from someone who was trying to hurt me. Your father was always a big softie and let me come in. Turns out he was sharing a room with your uncle Remus. He was surprised to see me because,” Remus joined in.

“Aren’t you J’s roommate?”

“I panicked immediately, but your father helped me through my attack and I calmed down. I didn’t tell them why I was scared, just that I switched rooms because Janus had a partner who was there all the time and it freaked me out. They let me stay, and eventually, I met their friend. His name was Logan Berry, and he was a very smart law student. As it happened he was friends with Deceit. Or not friends as much as acquaintances. He was, however, close friends with Patton, Deciet’s twin brother. So naturally, the twins hung out with us. I hadn’t told anyone about Deceit, but I quickly figured out from side glances and careful looks, Patton knew. And he didn’t care.”

“Should these names feel familiar? Because they are to me, but I can’t place them,” Remy asked. Virgil nodded.

“Oh they should. Patton scared the crap out of me, but he was Logan’s friend and by extension mine, so I tried to get rid of the underlying fear. And I just tried to pretend Deceit wasn’t there. At some point your father and I started dating. He knew I had serious issues from something, but he didn’t know what. Eventually he discovered it was Deceit and I swore him to secrecy, albeit reluctantly. Then, Remus came in. He was crying. Actually crying so we knew something had happened. Remus, want to take this bit?”

“Yup! So, Logan dropped me as a friend. I didn’t know why, but it was very painful. At first I wanted to cry, and then I wanted to rip out his internal organs. But your dad was suspicious of what happened, especially after Logan started to date Patton. He went to talk to Logan, only for Logan to dismiss it and leave. Your dad got home, and then vowed to confront Patton about this.” Virgil sighed.

“So, after class, I went to go find Patton when I was stopped by Deceit. He threatened me with exposing what happened to me to everyone if I did anything. And while I had more confidence, I didn’t have enough to say ‘Fuck you, I’ll do this anyway.’ So I listened and went back, my suspicions confirmed when Logan walked back to class with foundation on his face. I’ve put on enough makeup in my lifetime, whether it was for me or to hide a bruise, so I could immediately tell what happened. I wanted to do something and tell someone what happened. But I knew no one would believe me and everyone would just end up hurt.” Remy looked confused.

“Why wouldn’t someone believe you pops? Surely people take this seriously.”

“I wish that was the case. But I was a scrawny twenty year old trans man, who hadn’t even fully transitioned yet. They don’t take this seriously when someone with confidence says stuff, how the hell could I even think of it. Regardless, things got better for me and unfortunately worse for Logan. I didn’t see him in class a week later. When I tried to call him, my number was blocked. And then he got married Patton, becoming Logan Hart.” Remy’s jaw dropped.

“WHAT THE HELL? ARE YOU SAYING WHAT I THINK YOU’RE SAYING?” Roman and Remus couldn’t help but laugh at Remy’s reaction. Virgil smiled.

“Wait until I finish and you’ll really be shocked. Obviously, me and your dad got married and had you after we finished college. We lost contact with Logan, for obvious reasons. We knew he was married to Patton, but that was about it. Once you turned four we sent you to a preschool. You know the one fifteen minutes away? Then your father ran late to pick you up one day and that’s when we get to you. Patton was your teacher and your father vaguely recognized him. Your father suddenly saw Logan and everything clicked. You were playing with Emile, so you didn’t realize. Naturally, your dad told me what happened and I was tempted then and there to hunt down Patton Hart.”

“But,” Roman interrupted, taking the conversation, “I didn’t let him do that. Instead we bided our time. We didn’t want to ruin your and Emile’s friendship. You were both so happy. But everything went wrong on your first playdate at a house. It was ours and you had a good time. Everything seemed fine. Me and your father remained civil with Patton. Maybe this would work out. And then you asked-”

“What loud noises start at night?” Remy whispered, pulling up the distant memory in horror. Virgil nodded as Roman continued.

“And Patton immediately shut the door in our faces, bringing Emile in with him. You didn’t understand and were led back to the car. We don’t know what happened next in their home, but you can bet it was nothing good. I strongly suspect Patton might have manipulated or scared Emile into ignoring you.”

“And,” Virgil added, “Emile likely associates you with a traumatic memory and his brain blocks you out to stay safe.” Remy stared in horror at his fathers, who stared at him solemnly.

“Holy shit.”

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harryandhishook · 5 years

Text

Thanksgiving Secrets

Fandom: Dream Daddy

Pairing: Background Hugo x Damien

Setting: Maple Bay

Warning: Erm … Coming out? Swearing? I have no idea

Summary: After going to College, Lucien is invited for Thanksgiving with his Dad, Hugo and Ernest, however, Ernest hasn’t been his normal self and some secrets are revealed

Words: 4059

Requested: Nope, I wrote this last November in a book on a coach coming back from Walk Disney World Florida

Side note: Before I give my apologies, I AM A TRANS MAN, if anything in here sounds off or doesn’t sound like how you expect a coming out story is, just remember, everyone’s coming out story is different and I tried to do this the best I can.

Also I am so so sorry, I know I haven’t uploaded in ages and I know there is no excuse but University is a bitch, my mental health is not good and my Grandmother (Who raised me) is pushing me to my limit and I’m so close to cutting contact with her. Sorry to unload all that to you but I’m trying my hardest to keep myself together and not just quit everything.

Here, have a cute Gif of Damien stroking a cat :) And sorry for any errors in the writing, it’s long and I still don’t have anyone to read my stuff over for me :(

Growing up wasn’t as bad as people thought it was, it just … sucked. When people aged, they found their soulmates, got jobs, leave to see the world, people grow up in body and mind.

It was around the time that Lucien was in his final year of Highschool when his Dad and Hugo finally confessed their feelings to each other and became a thing, Ernest was still young and very much acting out.

Lucien was the quickest to accept it, he was a little hesitant at first seeing as it was just him and Damien through his entire life and his Dad wasn’t exactly a stereotypical person, he may not act like it but when it comes to his Father, he is crazy protective over him and well, he didn’t want to let him get hurt, however, over time, he realised just how much the two Cul-De-Sac Fathers loved each other.

Ernest on the other hand, he couldn’t bring himself to accept the fact that his Father was dating, he couldn’t accept that he could one day have a Stepbrother, he just couldn’t accept any of it. The boy did everything to try and stop it, he acted out even more than usual, tried to split them up, he did whatever he could think of but no matter what, Damien would always treat him like he was his own son.

Now, a few years down the line, Lucien decided to prove every one of his disapproving teachers wrong and leave for College, all the while Ernest was stuck in his final year of Highschool, now, the pyromaniac delinquent was still one of his biggest features, something he was still well known as but the young Vega boy was actually a lot calmer than before and actually tried his hardest to settle down.

Damien and Hugo knew that Ernest never really had much of a problem with telling someone, even if it was through anger, how he felt and both Fathers had come to think that maybe the boy had completely reformed himself, figuring himself out, growing up from the mischievous boy they had watch destroy himself with hate and they both hoped that the boy would stay that way.

This year, the family decided to host Thanksgiving together, Lucien agreeing to travel down and stay for two weeks with them all while Damien tried to get as much time as he could from work for his Son. Luckily for Hugo and Ernest, the school boiler had decided to explode quite abruptly, leaving almost the entirety of the upper school, Hugo and Ernest area, flooded, giving them both the opportunity to stay at home for longer.

The day Lucien arrived home, he two Dad decided to meet him at the bus station, they had asked Ernest who had politely refused which was not much of a surprise to them, he barely left his room recently, he didn’t say why but they expected it may have possibly been school work.

When they had arrived at the station and greeted Lucien very happily, they had both shrugged off his question of, ‘where’s the brat?’, stating that he was busy and found it difficult to put his stuff down, not wanting him to worry too much when he had only just got there.

When Lucien got to the house, he was more than happy to wave at all his old neighbours with a wide smile on his face, anyone from a mile away could tell he had missed Maple Bay. It took almost an hour before the emo was able to walk through the door, not only did he need help with bags, his neighbours that he had waved to, mainly Mary, Joseph and Brian, had taken it upon themselves to bombard him with questions … okay, mainly Joseph and Brian, Mary was just happy to see the little monster again.

Finally, Lucien was in the clear, bags in the hall, coat and shoes off, placed neatly in their respective places while Damien rushed off to make them all something special to eat that night. The bo-young adult moved through his old home without so much as looking where he was going, all perfectly memorised until he reached the room that he never really needed to go into, the room that was never used into recently, Ernest’s room.

With a soft knock, Lucien waited, he knew that even with Ernest being older and probably not bothered by the emos presence, he still needed privacy,

“Who is it?” came a quiet and tired sounding voice, to anyone outside of the family, they would have thought someone else had spoken but Lucien could recognise the little shits voice better than anyone,

“Oi, dickhead, you gonna open up for your favourite brother or not?” Lucien playfully replied, hoping his usual attitude and joking ways could coax Ernest out of his little hiding mood. It took a few moments but soon enough, the door creaked open, revealing a tired looking and very messy looking Ernest, his hair was a mess, his clothes looked like they hadn’t seen a washing machine in years from how crumpled and wrinkly they were and finally, even if the boy thought no one could see, Lucien wasn’t so easily fooled as to not see the dried tears staining his cheeks,

“Ernest, man, what happened?” the emo asked, pushing them both into the room so he could block out everyone else once the door was shut, “You look like shit, when was the last time you had a shower? What the hell happened to you dude?” he asked, well, more demanded to know as he continued to push the younger boy into the room, sitting him on the bed before shuffling around the piles of clothes and trash, picking up the laundry to move out into the hamper before picking up every single piece of rubbish and crap left on the floor,

“Nothings wrong, Luce, I’m fine, I’ve just been busy, you know how it is, final year of school and all that” Ernest protested, trying his hardest to sound normal but failing miserably to convince his best friend and brother,

“Yeah, bullshit, if you’re so busy with work then I’m the straightest man alive, you’re lies ain’t gonna work on me so either you tell me what’s going on or have a shower, you smell like death so pick one or the other” Lucien demanded sternly, giving him a pretty simple choice, now to see if Ernest would actually pick one.

Luck would have it, Ernest grumpily rolled himself from the bed and made his way begrudgingly to the bathroom that was opposite the boys room, causing the emo to smile in relief.

As the sound f the shower filled the hall and the grumbles of annoyance hit the older siblings ears, Lucien made his way downstairs, large bag of trash in one hand and the hamper in the other. The little chore was meant to go smoothly … if his dads weren’t being stupidly lovey dovey in he kitchen, at least he got to see both adults become exceedingly embarrassed at being caught, however, that changed to shock when they spotted that the rebellious emo they had grown to love was cleaning in the first few minutes of staying in the house,

“It’s not what it looks like, Ernests room was a mess so I cleaned his room while he’s taking a well needed shower” Lucien explained as he put the bag of trash by the back door, “O know there is something wrong with him and I’m going to try get it out of him … whether he likes it or not” the boy stated as he moved into the adjacent room to start the new load of laundry, he was so busy he hadn’t even noticed his parents enter the room after him,

“My darling, we didn’t want you to worry, Ernest has been acting quite peculiar as of late, normally we can easily piece together his dilemma but … as you saw, he hasn’t left his room in quite some time” Damien explained as they stood in the doorway, watching the emo boy start the washer before turning to look at the two men, he was about to speak when Hugo interrupted him,

“I don’t want to lose Ernest, not when I’ve just managed to get him to call me dad again” the eldest Vega whispered, sighing as the Victorian beside him gently laced their fingers together, “Lucien please try and get him to open up to us” years ago, Lucien would tell his parents to do it themselves but from the looks on his dads faces, it was out of their hands and unsurprisingly up to him,

“Fine but only because I love you both” the emo chuckled, walking in between them to escape the little room, “Anyway, who can resist my puppy dog eyes” Lucien smirked before pointing at Damien, “and one of Dads famous movie pamper nights” he finished as he vanished back upstairs,

“Damien, what is he talking about?” the teacher asked, absolutely confused but also very intrigued. Hugo turned his gaze to the side only to come face to face with a very ecstatic man next to him,

“It’s been so long, I will need many supplies, first, I’ll need to find a good movie, maybe comedy, oh how this brings back so many memories” the Victorian man rambled as he scurried about the rooms, writing a very long list, “this will surely help Ernest, why did I not think of this” he muttered before handing the list to the other man in the room, “I will need you to run to Walmart for all these things, also get some of those pizza rolls that Ernest loves so much, thank you” he instructed before also disappearing off upstairs, leaving a baffled Hugo still stood in the laundry room now holding a long list of junk food … way too much junk food.

Nightfall came, the living room had been transformed into what looked like a teenage girls slumber party; junk food, movies, nail kits, make up, face masks, everything a slumber party needed.

Hugo had been told he could enter if and only if he let someone do one little bit of pampering on him, to which the teacher quickly excused himself with the explanation of ‘papers to complete’, leaving Damien to sit in his very baggy and very comfortable … okay, maybe not his clothes but the wrestling shirts he ‘borrowed’ from Hugo looked so cute on him. Lucien sat beside him in some of his least emo pyjamas anyone had ever seen on the boy since they were covered in Mickey Mouse heads but who’s judging.

Soon, once the room was competed, Lucien hurried upstairs, knocking gently on the large door of Ernest's room to get his attention,

“Bitch, I need you to do two things, one, find some comfy clothes and two, come downstairs” the emo shouted through the door before waiting for a response which amazingly didn’t take as long as the door opened to reveal a grouchy looking mess,

“What are you trying to do, Goth?” Ernest mumbled, obviously trying to joke around even thought Lucien could tell he felt like absolute shit,

“It’s emo and I’m not trying to do anything, all I want to do is to try and help you feel better” Lucien explained before realising he was just going to have to reveal what was downstairs, “Me and Dad were talking and I found out that you like to sit and talk to him so, me, you and my Dad are going to sit downstairs, eat junk food and watch movies … sound good?” he asked, hoping it was going to work.

Lucien realised it definitely did when Ernest held up a single finger, closing the door in the emos face before appearing once again moments later in very baggy yet comfortable clothing,

“Well then, come on, I don’t have all day” Ernest grumbled, a small smile gracing his exhausted face as he obviously tried to crack another joke with his stepbrother. Slowly, he made his way down the grand staircase to the living room where Damien was waiting happily,

“Ernest, my dead, come sit” he said giddily, patting the stack of pillows and duvets beside him, allowing Ernest enough space to sit comfortably as he pressed play on the movie, one of Ernest's and Damien's guilty pleasures, Descendants,

“Descendants, junk food and being lazy … you trying to butter me up, pops?” Ernest chuckled weakly as he sat down, getting himself comfortable between his family, he knew exactly what they were doing for him but maybe a little treat wouldn’t be too bad to indulge in.

A few hours, three descendants films and a lot of pampering later, the three of them were laid back, heads rested against the sofa as they spoke, Lucien's nails were drying, Damien had a face mask on and Ernest was staring, his ears were almost deaf to the world around him as the other two people in the room chatted away but he couldn’t bring himself to look away and join in, his gaze couldn’t move from the one thing in the room that haven’t been touched, the make-up. The young boy was silent, burning holes into the bag of brushes and surprises, until,

“Pops…” A meek whisper but was caught by the man it was directed to, causing the two to stop talking and sit up, removing the cucumbers from over his eyes,

“Yes my dear?” Damien asked as he watched the young boy slowly turn his gaze over to his,

“I’ve heard that … well, some girls at my school have said that …” the boy stuttered, trying to think of the best way to describe his strange request but he couldn’t, making the boy sigh and ask, “Can it feel good to put on make-up?” he finally asked, trying not to make eye contact.

Damien's eyes widened a little, out of everything he had prepared himself to answer, that wasn’t one of them,

“Well, it can, especially the brushes, the make-up itself can feel strange though” Damien answered before reaching over to the table the bag was laid, bring it over to them.

Ernest sat silently, watching him reach inside and pull out a large fluffy brush, leaning over and carefully sliding it across the boys cheek, earning a soft sigh of joy,

“Would you like me to put some on you?” the Victorian man asked as he rummaged through the seemingly bigger on the inside bag, revealing a few different contraptions and what looked like small torture devices. With a small, timid nod, the young Vega answered,

“Y-Yes please … if it’s not too weird” Ernest whispered, shuffling closer to Damien, all the while, Lucien watched with a happy smile, he knew this is exactly what his brother needed, maybe not just to relax but it was a relief to watch Ernest finally calm,

“Let’s get started then and don’t worry dear, I have the perfect colours for you … I may have possibly convinced your Father to do this once too” Damien chuckled softly, reminiscing as he grabbed the correct pieces he needed. Ernest closed his eyes and took a deep breath as he felt a cool liquid and soft brush move over his skin.

A while later and make-up flung everywhere, Damien sat back to admire his work as Ernest scrunched his face a little to get used to this new and very strange feeling of stuff covering his face,

“You look absolutely darling, it suits you” the Victorian said as he started to tidy the make-up away just as the grandfather clock behind then chimed midnight, “Oh dear, it is quite late and I need to start preparing food tomorrow, well, I guess I best wash this stuff off of my face and retire to bed, you boys can stay up a little longer if you wish, as long as you don’t make too much noise” Damien said as he slowly stood, stretching himself out before kissing both boys on the top of their heads, bidding them a good night.

Lucien continued to watch his Father head upstairs to his room before turning back to Ernest once he was no longer in sight but stopped at the scene before him,

“Ernest? What wrong?” he asked concerned, in front of him was Ernest, a boy well known for setting fire to the bushes outside his Fathers home, holding a mirror and sobbing into his hand, “Ernest, it’s okay, you can talk to me, what happening to you?”

As Ernest turned his head to look at the boy beside him, Lucien noticed the slight little wrinkles on the edge of his eyes, the same wrinkles his own Father got, which was all he needed to know exactly what was going through his brothers head and no matter what, he was going to show him just how much he still loved him through it all.

A few days went by, Lucien and Ernest had barely been in the house which, even if they wouldn’t admit it out loud, made both parents happy but also quite concerned for their sons whenever Lucien shrugged them off with quick reassurance of, ‘They’ll tell you on Thanksgiving, don’t worry dads’, before quickly running which wasn’t what the two men were hoping to hear but it seemed to ease both their minds for a while, at least until Hugo restarted his usual pacing around the kitchen as Damien cooked.

The night came quickly, Thanksgiving, the food was almost complete, the house smelt of perfectly roasted vegetables and mouth-watering deserts, the table decorated to Damien's specifications while Hugo was banished to sit and wait at the table, only problem was, two people were still missing, however, not too far away as just upstairs behind a single locked door were their pair of siblings, whispering cautiously,

“Maybe this isn’t such a good idea” the young Vega questioned, obviously having a few seconds thought as they allowed Lucien to work his magic,

“It is a good idea … look, Dad and Pops aren’t going to hate you, they never could, they love you too much and anyway, I think your forgetting one vital thing and probably one of the biggest elephants in this house” Lucius argued, brushing through his siblings now unknotted hair, trying and praying to whatever deity out there to get it to style as the other sat quietly,

“And what’s that exactly?” they asked, watching in the mirror cautiously as Lucien spoke up with a soft chuckle,

“Damien” he placed the brush down as he expertly braided the surprisingly long hair in front of him and for the first time in months, the youngest Vega laughed,

Not too long later, Dinner was called, Hugo and Damien waited patiently in their respective seats just as footsteps descended the stairs but only a single pair of footsteps approaching the dining room. Both men turned curiously to see Lucien standing in the doorway but no one else,

“Lucien, where’s Ernest?” Hugo asked, seemingly becoming annoyed as well as worried over the whereabouts of his son,

“About that…” Lucien started, turning his gaze into the hall for a moment before quickly moving back to the stares of his parents, “Ernest won’t be joining us tonight … or ever again …” the young emo explained, quickly realising a long pause wouldn’t be the best option as he quickly stopped either one of his Fathers could protest, stepping further into the room, “Because someone new will be taking Ernest's place” just as he finished speaking, a tall figure walked into the room beside him, a long, tight fitting, pale orange cocktail dress swept the floor behind the person as their long braided hair lay over a single exposed shoulder.

The light of the room hit the persons face, capturing the perfectly applied make-up that sculpted their features beautifully and it was then they realised,

“Ernest?” they both asked, quite bewildered, watching the young Vega nervousness build up which did not go unnoticed by Lucien,

“Actually, may I introduce our newest addition to the Vega-Bloodmarch Family, Emily, Emily Dickinson Vega, my sister” he announced, wrapping a supportive arm around his sibling to give them some encouragement, “If it’s okay with her Fathers, she would very much like to join us for dinner?” Lucien asked softly, smile on his face as he waited for their parent’s reactions.

Unsurprising to Lucien, Damien was the first to move, wasting no time in in pushing his chair out from under himself to embrace his daughter,

“Oh, my dear, of course you can join us for dinner and for any other meals you want to” he whispered through tears he didn’t even know were running down his face, “now I understand the make-up, I’m sorry I didn’t see the signs sooner, I never wanted you to feel scared to be who you are” he whispered, the scene in the Bloodmarch home was one to remember when Emily wrapped her arms around his step-father, holding onto him as if their lives depended on it, however, there was still only one other person they needed to complete this little family moment, Hugo.

Everyone slowly turned their heads to see the larger man carefully rising from his seat, moving around the ornate furniture to move closer to where his child stood, arms back by her side as she stood tall and strong,

“Dad, I know this is sudden but I’ve been hiding for so long, I didn’t know who I was but I saw Damien doing so many things that made me think, he showed me how happy he was, I saw the life of someone who was truly happy, all this” she gestured to herself as she continued, “made me realize who I really am and I’m sorry for not being able to tell you sooner … I know I ruined your life for years with all the stupid shit I did but all the stupid thoughts in my head, I was scared, alone, I-“ her rambling was cut short when a pair of quite muscular arms pulled her forward and into a tight but comforting embrace,

“You are my child, my flesh and blood, you are everything to me and I love you, never forget that, no matter who you are, you are a Vega” he reassured, whispering just loud enough for Damien and Lucien to hear the loving exchange of words as they both smiled proudly.

Soon enough, two smaller arms snaked their way around Hugo as a small sob echoed in the large room causing any existing space in the embrace to disappear as it tightened,

“I was so scared you would hate me, I was meant to be your son, the man of the hous-“ her hurtful words were stopped as she was carefully pushed backwards, a hand laid gently on her cheek, forcing her to blurrily look up at a smiling Hugo,

“You have always been my daughter, even if we didn’t know that until now, you were and always will be my baby girl” he explained, his voice soothing any doubt the young Vega had before the wrestling nerd added just one more sentence, “And I think being married to Damien is an automatic law that I accept whatever part of the LGBT you realise you’re apart of … I think I’d be a bit hypocritical if I didn’t accept you as my daughter” the taller man finished and after a few moments of silence, the room filled with giggles from the man in question,

“Your Fathers right” Damien managed to say through soft giggles, “Excuse my French but … I’d kick his ass if he didn’t” he smirked before quickly pushing the three of them towards the table, “Now, if you children, yes, I’m also talking about you too Hugo, don’t get to the table to eat, the food will go cold and I’ll lock the refrigerator as punishment” the Victorian man threatened as the Family rolled their eyes but obediently followed his orders, spending the rest of the night laughing, talking and finally, for the first time in a while, being a family.

#Dream Daddy #Maple Bay #Damien #Damien Bloodmarch #Hugo #Hugo Vega #Hugo x Damien #Damien x Hugo #VegaMarch #Lucien #Lucien Bloodmarch #Ernest #Ernest Vega #LGBT #Trans #Transgender #Trans Woman

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seyaryminamoto · 4 years

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I recently saw a heavy criticism of The Beach saying "it's the single least realistic portrayal of teenagers on television: spoiled, rich kids don't actively shun Zuko for having a disfiguring scar on his face, no one tries to start shit with Azula over the volleyball game, teenagers referring to themselves as teenagers, a teen boy tells people not to make a mess, a bunch of 14-16 year-olds sit in a circle and psychoanalyze each other, everything else about the campfire scene." Your thoughts?

:’) that someone looks at the Beach and dismisses it for being “unrealistic” by whatever their cultural standards are is probably enough of a sign of the irrelevance of said person’s opinion. I mean, obviously they’re free to think what they will, but...

Fire Nation society is not American society. I’m going blind here, maybe this person isn’t American at all, but somehow I mostly see such kinds of narrow-minded criticism from first-worlders who are seldom exposed to lifestyles outside their particular, contemporary bubble of experiences.

Now then, let’s get into the actual debate: Fire Nation society values violence quite a lot. Fire Nation society is full of people who saw Zuko’s literal Agni Kai burning scene, and didn’t look away: the only character who does is Iroh, a very obvious hint by the writers that Iroh has discarded the cruel moral values the rest of the Fire Nation upholds.

With this in mind, a boy with a scarred face might earn all sorts of “ews” from our societies, damn right. From Fire Nation society, though? If even watching how the burn is inflicted didn’t bother most of them, why would the result be a problem? If anything, I wouldn’t be surprised if people with burn scars are even seen more attractive because it implies they were caught in violent scuffles with fire and still survived? Of course, the argument might go that Zuko’s burn is meant to be a mark of shame... but it’s a mark of shame for PRINCE Zuko. For that mysterious boy with the emo haircut in Ember Island, whose real identity is a mystery? It is shown, instead, to result in this reaction:

Now then, we could say that this is meant to be a jab by the creators and writers at Zuko’s hordes of fangirls, because frankly, Book 3 has several instances of groups of girls swooning over Zuko and it might be what they were going for. In this case, though, they’re swooning over him WITHOUT knowing who he is, as opposed to the fangirls in Nightmares and Daydreams. So, while it absolutely can be inspired on the many Zuko fangirls the staff knew about, this actually ends up serving to characterize a society, a culture: they don’t think his scar makes him unattractive. It’s blatantly stated that their reaction is the opposite. So, instead of thinking “oh god that’s so unrealistic”, how about we actually stop trying to measure everything by our standards and consider that this could be an element of WORLDBUILDING...? :’)

(Also, I’m pretty sure there’s a fair share of privileged young women in our current society who think Kylo Ren was hot as hell with a huge scar across his face... are those people not real, by any chance? :’D If anything, they’re living proof that girls swooning over a scarred boy in ATLA are absolutely feasible, no matter if not everyone shares their opinion)

Continues under the cut becasue this got long....

Now then, Azula is shown to take the Kuai ball game too far. She outright causes the ball, in the final kick, to burst into flames and burns the net. Going by Chan and Ruon Jian, these kids are privileged idiots, why lie... but are these privileged idiots stupid enough to see a girl flying three feet into the air, kicking a firebent ball and then giving a foreboding speech, and say “OKAY WE’RE GONNA PICK A FIGHT WITH YOU FOR BEING SO COMPETITIVE!”???? I mean... honestly. Why would anyone do this? Azula turned an inoffensive Kuai ball game into a battlefield singlehandedly: THIS, as well, is meant to be a display of characterization. That people don’t take the game so seriously, that they wouldn’t pick a fight with her because she’s dangerous or because they just don’t care as much as she does... it’s characterizing Fire Nation people every bit as much as it characterizes Azula.

Azula and Zuko are both shown reacting in ridiculous ways to casual things in this episode: Azula takes the game too far, potentially stages the burning down of a house in retaliation for being rejected by a boy, Zuko is hysterical and jealous and snaps at Mai over stupid things... it’s, again, a matter of showing how poorly adjusted these characters are. They’re not normal kids. They DON’T behave like normal kids. Normal, privileged kids in the Fire Nation, are kids like Chan and Ruon Jian. The episode literally gives you the chance to see Fire Nation society for what it is, in a way no other episode does... and because it’s not like our societies, it’s somehow wrong?

... Also, teenagers referring to themselves as teenagers is somehow unrealistic? I mean... is it nowadays? I don’t think any teenagers had a problem with saying they were teens in my youth :’DDD literally remember MCR released a song called Teenagers and a lot of us loved it to pieces. What exactly is so outrageous about it? Might be that this worked better in the mid-00′s, but I hardly think this makes no sense? Aang refers to himself as a kid earlier in the show, is that unrealistic too and worth rebuking a whole episode over? Are all teenagers supposed to be pretending to be grown-ups, like so many 16-year-olds on Tumblr who always talk like they’ve figured out the world and try to impose rules on fully-grown adults upon whom they have absolutely no power? :’DDDDD Yeah, I think this particular point is a stupid thing to make a fuss over. Honestly, it is.

Chan tells people not to make a mess = unrealistic. Ha. Did this person ignore his reactions at the chaos Azula, Zuko, Mai and Ty Lee caused in his house? “YOU BROKE MY NANA’S VASE!!!”, anyone? Like... I’m sorry, but this IS characterization, yet again! This shows Chan is a spoiled brat who wants to stay in his family’s good graces. The party isn’t at all as crazy and wild as you’d expect from, again, an American teenage party... and why? Because, for one thing, Chan is clearly afraid of the consequences of too much chaos in the beach house: this implies fear of authority, of his parents, perhaps even his grandparents.

For another, again, FIRE NATION SOCIETY: what does this clever critic know, by any chance, of Nazi Germany’s Hitler Youth? I’ve watched a few documentaries about it, and basically if you were a boy and you weren’t in Hitler Youth, you were no one. You were worthless. And what happened in Hitler Youth? Conditioning to the extreme. These kids were taught all the alt-right ideology that Tumblr despises, and they were made to believe it was an undeniable reality. Were there cases of kids who didn’t like it, kids who didn’t approve of it? Surely. But the general idea of Hitler Youth was to educate every kid to behave in the way Hitler considered appropriate, to the point where “the notion "Germany must live" even if they (members of the HJ) had to die was "hammered" into them.”

This is, of course, an extreme example and I’m sure Fire Nation education wasn’t that extreme because we saw it for ourselves, it’s not. But a slightly milder version of it? That’s absolutely feasible and consistent with what we see in The Headband. Therefore, kids getting high and drunk at a party? Maybe that kind of thing simply DOESN’T happen in a Fire Nation party? :’) Maybe they’re taught that those kinds of things are off-limits to anyone under a certain age (or outright forbidden, might be the case with drugs), and as they live in a tyrannical society that priorizes the Fire Lord and his decrees above all else, where his word is treated as that of a god, even mischievous teenagers refuse to act out? :’D oh, what an implausible concept, this just can’t possibly make any sense! Hitler Youth is unrealistic too!

Lastly, that a bunch of kids would sit in a circle psychoanalyzing each other seems implausible to this person is actually laughable for me. Not only have I constantly found myself, from my early teenage years to current days, serving as some sort of unofficial therapist for many of my friends, who share their woes and ask me for advice (whether they’ll heed it or not), most importantly, I once had an experience with a friend, back in high school, much like what happens with these kids in The Beach, after I’d spent years doing a lot of post-depression introspection. I shared a lot of stuff I didn’t often talk about, and beats me WHY I felt completely comfortable sharing it with my friend that day, but I did. She understood me, listened, offered her opinion, and we talked about her problems too. This happened when I was 15-16. If this person has never experienced such situation... why, that’s not anyone’s business. But it’s certainly not their business to determine this just DOESN’T happen, to anyone, ever. I can safely say it does, to people who do have problems and who sometimes just need a friendly shoulder to rely on. Maybe this critic’s life is just so perfect they’ve never had to share their woes with anyone else :’) I’m afraid that doesn’t invalidate those of us who are different, and it doesn’t invalidate the possibility that those four could talk, as they did, without breaking characterization, in the scene of the fireplace at the beach.

ANYWAYS...

Saying that a show about a group of kids who save the world and then effectively become leaders of such world, facing very little opposition in the process, is unrealistic because “teenagers aren’t like that becuase I wasn’t like that as a teenager” may be one of the most ridiculous and shortsighted things I’ve seen in this fandom, AND I’VE SEEN A LOT OF RIDICULOUS AND SHORTSIGHTED THINGS. A person’s experiences are NOT universal, regardless of how widespread their culture may be. More importantly, fiction does NOT have to abide by rules established by our current society’s state and cultural values. ATLA, as it is, is a completely different world from our own, regardless of its inspiration in many Asian cultures.

I, personally, find it a lot more unrealistic that Fire Lord Zuko can become Fire Lord without much in the way of visible protesting or boycotting when he was a banished prince who didn’t even win in his Agni Kai against Azula since it’s Katara who ends up defeating her and, as far as the rules go, Azula technically won even if not in the most dignified of ways. I find it even more unrealistic that LOK tells us Zuko was Fire Lord successfully for 70+ years and the Fire Nation has been fully reformed into a non-warmongering country despite the 100+ years of indoctrination started by Sozin’s rule. That this gets swept under a rug, not only in the neatly wrapped finale that leaves a thousand unanswered questions, but in the sequel show that merely confirms Zuko succeeded and shows NOTHING of how he managed to reform such a fucked up society...? That is a thousand times more important to me than “privileged kids aren’t acting like privileged kids OMG!”. Honestly, you want privileged kids abusing all their privileges in our society? Go watch Gossip Girl, I genuinely recommend it. You want something that proposes a completely different possibility and a glance at what a society guided by a tyrannical dictator looks like? Feel free to watch The Beach again with a completely different focus and MAYBE you’ll understand what the writers were going for.

If this person happens to see my answer, I hope they learn that worldbuilding, for a storyteller, entails CREATING a world that isn’t necessarily like the one we’re familiar with. There are multiple layers to such a world, and society and culture are some of them. Not all cultures and societies work the same way, which is part of why sometimes you’ll find behaviors from people who belong to wholly different cultures and wind up perplexed because whatever they’re doing is completely unfamiliar for you. Are there any universal behaviors in humans? Maybe! But in a work of FICTION, even the most universal of behaviors can be changed, deleted, altered however the writer sees fit! :’D it’s not a novel concept, and as far as logical fallacies are concerned, this show features a whole slew of those that have nothing to do with this peculiar sense of “realism”, fallacies that absolutely can and should be called out. Namely, things that contradict the internal logic of the show, rather than things that are incompatible with OUR world. Portraying a world that’s very different from ours, on virtually every level you can think of? That’s called creativity, not lack of realism. Please learn the difference.

#anon #... excuse me #but I got really unnerved by this one #just wtf #if this is supposed to be some sort of important critic #rather than a random someone on Tumblr #please don't ever watch anything they do ever again #realism ffs #BELIEVABILITY and realism are not the same damn thing #and solid worldbuilding requires the former not the latter #god I'll just #go chill #why #just why

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samwpmarleau · 4 years

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What I meant when saying did rhaegar have suffer from any mental health was that its not normal for a person to not feel love or any joy in thier love or not know how to be happy even people that have been though trauma can feel love and the fact he finds joy in a place where so many of his family died to this place to be your favourite place in the world is wired and not care how you effect the people that are close to you lives like his mother wife and children is worrying there is something

About him am not sure which diagnose to put him on because am not a doctor but these are not normal behaviours. And even as a child he didn't want to play with other children I know some children can be shy or closed off but still have one friend. But with rhaegar it seems he only should interest in having friends with author after think he must be a warrior and he was a perince meaning people wanted to be around him just for the fact be he didn't have it in him to be close or even want to be

I don’t think Rhaegar had some kind of personality disorder or anything. He was an introvert from the very beginning — Barristan said that he “took no interest in the play of other children” because he read so much. Not that children can’t be depressed, I suppose, but the implication is that he chose not to play with other kids solely because he was more interested in books, not that he was clinically antisocial or something.

He was understandably burdened by the prophecy, which up until the night Aegon was conceived he thought was telling him he was to be the promised prince. Plus the general eeriness of Rhaegar’s birth being the site of so much death and that for seventeen years Rhaegar was an only child, all of his would-be brothers and sisters either miscarried, stillborn, or dead in infancy.

Add all that together and you’ve got the makings of a dreary sort of fellow.

When Barristan says he doesn’t think Rhaegar had it in him to be happy, I don’t think he meant Rhaegar was literally never happy or literally never could be happy. Rhaegar clearly had a loving relationship with Rhaenys, he was “fond” of Elia, he had friends (not many, but some), and he found enjoyment in pursuits like his harp and singing. He wasn’t some robot who had no emotions whatsoever, he was just very reserved and dour.

Also, the passage should be taken in full:

“If I had been born more timely, he said, Rhaegar would have married me instead of Elia, and it would all have come out different. If Rhaegar had been happy in his wife, he would not have needed the Stark girl.”

“Perhaps so, Your Grace.” Whitebeard paused a moment. “But I am not certain it was in Rhaegar to be happy.”

"You make him sound so sour,” Dany protested.

“Not sour, no, but...there was a melancholy to Prince Rhaegar, a sense...” The old man hesitated again.

“Say it,” she urged. “A sense...?”

“...of doom. He was born in grief, my queen, and that shadow hung over him all his days.”

Viserys had spoken of Rhaegar’s birth only once. Perhaps the tale saddened him too much. “It was the shadow of Summerhall that haunted him, was it not?”

“Yes. And yet Summerhall was the place the prince loved best. He would go there from time to time, with only his harp for company. Even the knights of the Kingsguard did not attend him there. He liked to sleep in the ruined hall, beneath the moon and stars, and whenever he came back he would bring a song. When you heard him play his high harp with the silver strings and sing of twilights and tears and the death of kings, you could not but feel that he was singing of himself and those he loved.”

Barristan is trying to dissuade Dany of the notion that Rhaegar simply had the wrong wife and that if he had the right one, everything would be fine because he’d be happy. Barristan is trying to get the point across that no, Rhaegar was just a melancholic person in general who had reasons for being the way he was and that Dany/Elia was not the cause of what went wrong.

And note that he doesn’t go to Summerhall out of some perversion but to feel closer to the spirits of the family he never knew. He composed songs of “those he loved,” to keep their memories alive. It’s a very macabre, Mary Shelley type of thing to do, but it shows that he felt things deeply.

I’m not at all any kind of expert on mental illness, so take my opinion with a grain of salt, but yeah. You could probably argue he had some level of depression, but ultimately I think he was just a regular, emo, short-sighted, tunnel-visioned jerkwad.

#rhaegar targaryen #asoiaf #anonymous

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calypsohq · 4 years

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► ( lalisa manoban & nonbinary ) according to the school’s records, calypso “cal” saetang is a 21-YEAR-OLD junior studying film, and they live over in gordon. they are a sagittarius, so that must be why others describe them as individualistic, honest, detached and regretful. when i see them, i’m reminded of old journals and diaries with chunks of writing scribbled out, film burning out in an old projector, the faint glow of a television screen late at night. ( gibby, 20, they/them, est ) ◄

andddd we’re on intro number two !!! i still don’t have my braincell but like pls take my bby calypso tyvm.

basics.

name: calypso saetang

nicknames: cal

age: twenty one.

gender and pronouns: nonbinary, they/them.

sexual & romantic orientations: bisexual, biromantic, femme leaning.

major: film.

housing: gordon.

backstory.

trigger warnings: mental illness, death, death of a sibling, grief.

the eldest child of the saetang clan, when calypso was first born, everything the light touched was theirs. they were the shining star in their parents eyes, the single most important thing to exist in their life. cal was their princess, an invisible crown placed upon their head the moment they took their first breath, and they never really got to experience the true power that this held.

why didn’t they get to experience? well, it was simple. another baby came along only moments afterwards, a twin with eyes that shined just as bright as cal’s. they were two halves of the same whole, and for a brief moment, maybe they were equal.

it didn’t last, however. azalea was said to have been, “brilliant” by their doctors growing up, something calypso never showed signs of due to undiagnosed adhd, and immediately the two were different. while azalea excelled with starting to read eons above the level of her peers, calypso found themself with their head in the clouds, distanced from even many of their peers at school.

with the taste of greatness on their tongue, the saetang’s weren’t satisfied with a prodigy for a daughter while their other child left away to rot. no, they wanted stars — two golden ones in their family, to bring them greatness. it starts simple: “calypso, you should be more like your sister,” and suddenly both children are found at odds with each other, a battle that calypso was never destined to win.

it wasn’t that calypso wasn’t capable - no, they were, but they weren’t like azalea. while she could dance and sing, they preferred to be behind the scenes, often dreaming up book and movie ideas and a life much different than their own that they’d scratch away into the depths of journals and diaries that could never meet the eyes of another. they weren’t the same.

this war, often fueled by their parents, started a war between sisters. everything cal could do, azalea could do better - a frustrating game of cat and mouse despite how hard cal would try. by the time the two got to high school, their relationship was irreparable - they shared nothing anymore other than their own face.

during their senior year of high school, the two were permanently split by the ways of nature as azalea passed away only weeks before their graduation. despite the two never being close, it seemed to hit calypso the hardest, who suddenly began to hide away in their bedroom.

in fact, the only reason they left for haddon was to get away from it all - their old swingset in the backyard that hadn’t been touched in years, her old bedroom across the hall, the area where they carved their names into the windowsill in their bedroom, their parents, all of it.

this is SUCH a bad ending to this intro but like ba dum tss that’s where they are now !! they’re in film bc they’ve always been passionate about film and they wear their sister’s bracelet on their wrist always as their tribute to her! also don’t really talk to their parents anymore as they find themself harboring a lot of anger towards them for the rift they caused, but sometimes it’s just them trying to place blame on the lack of closeness the two had on someone other than themself.

study.

trigger warning: drugs mention.

if you say your favorite movie is by [ redacted bc i dont want anyone 2 be offended hello FDHJKFHAJK ] cal will kick you out of whatever room you are in with them. if you are outside, cal will kick you to the sun without any hesitation.

they’re quite opinionated which, is that for their own good or not? only time will tell. they never seem to be able to politely mask their disgust when someone says that they adore the newest adam sandler movie or that, god forbid, friends was funny ( no offense to anyone if u like that, pls know i adore u fdsjhdfhkj ). they can just be a bit pretentious at time, something they will swear they aren’t as they, “don’t care enough” to do such a thing. which, spoiler alert: they do care enough and if you are, unfortunately, someone they talk to, they will ramble to you about how pixar isn’t actually that good but dreamworks ruined itself trying to catch the high of shrek.

they are... a complete pothead though and frankly if you ever need weed they are there for you

they get really philosophical about life and movies the higher they get though so you have to be prepared for some ramble about how everyone is a main character and that tik tok trend was wrong and this idea that some people are more important than others is exactly what capitalism wants you to think.

they tend to be very detached tho - one of their biggest “fatal flaws.” they don’t usually give a fuck if they hurt you, not because they don’t care about you, their emotions just aren’t completely... there

consider them * linkin park vc * numb.

they are very passionate abt hamsters too like they have one named saturn and you WILL see them put it in their pocket and take it to parties simply to go hide in the bathroom and play with it bc their priorities are clearly in check

honestly they just like rodents n probs want a chinchilla too which, valid

was an e-girl before being an e-girl was cool, basically just meaning they are emo. a valid emo, but still they’re quite emo.

they were probs honestly interested in the school because of it’s dark history - the perfect setting and scene for a dark documentary on such a subject, or even a spooky place to shoot a movie. it’s kinda morbid and out of touch but hey, that’s calypso.

they also think the minions are kinda cute so pls roast them

wanted connections.

friends. — i just... i love platonic plots....

best friends. — hONESTLY it’d be really cute if there was a trio that was like, super super sweet bubbly cottage core girl, soft boy, and emo enby n so i am asking for that tyvm

enemies. — i can’t put frenemies down for them bc unfortunately cal is super quick to snip snip bUT LIKE ENEMIES ??? there’s a lot to do here, though frenemies might work if its like, used to be friends n now isn’t like idk listen my brain is gone

exes. — like ?? yea ??

other connections. — did u see my braincell leave ?? did u ?? reread n you’ll see the exact moment it left i swear

#had:intro #mental illness tw #death tw #death of a sibling tw #grief tw #this isn't coherent n thats very on brand for me #* ✧ ˚ 𝐢. reflections .#drug use mention

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romanroths · 5 years

Text

howdy. my name is mar, i’m 23, i’m out here in est, i go by she/her. this is my emo fuck, roman rothschild as titus. i don’t have a connections page set up yet so fjslkfj. just like this badboi and i’ll come hit you up. so mf excited to be here! feel free to add me on discord @ nyc's salad rat#9307

the basics.

skeleton: titus name: roman alexander rothschild age: 22 faceclaim: nick robinson gender: cismale pronouns: he/him degree: chemistry

the start.

his mother and father were only seventeen when roman was born, freshly out of high school. it would be a lie to dub the pregnancy as anything other than a massive accident, born out of the incessant desire to be known and seen by someone else at that age, right down to your core. what better way to do that then to let them in fully, spreading yourself open so wide that maybe someone might like even the ugly bits of you? maybe they loved each other, but maybe they didn’t. roman never did quite figure it out. they must have at least liked one another to some extent to stick it out, to produce two more lives after him. augustus and lucretia. they weren’t many things but they were consistent.

new money. how very fitzgerald for a boy from england. how very ironic it is with a name like rothschild. roman’s mother had always claimed they came from royalty, that their blood was tinged with blue. that always seemed like bullshit as far as roman himself was concerned. just because things sounded important did not always mean that they were. but then, one day they were important. fortune has a funny way of finding the most entitled. childhood was almost painfully boring. no traumatic stories or wondrous tales. he was born in bath, and was raised in a flat that was under furnished and a bit small, but cozy nonetheless. he loved it there, and even after moving into their cavernous home in london when the money trickled in, felt more at home in bath amongst the olden architecture. the city was ancient, just like his soul. most of his youth was spent under the sky, devouring books by natural light, a quiet and calm boy who hardly ever even scraped a knee. his mother had resigned herself to looking after roman once he was born, dashing her dreams of being a grand actress for wiping the spit off of roman’s chin. maybe that’s why she harbored a hair of resentment for him. his father went forth to achieve his mba, specializing in computer sciences. he’d later go on to invent some very important, very complicated anti-virus system that ensured the protection of your pc. it was bought and then patented by apple on roman’s eleventh birthday. money was no longer an object.

graduating to a higher social bracket proved to be more difficult than roman had anticipated. his mother had no issue in the matter, almost immediately swapping her dulled coats and modest silver for furs and diamonds. his father seemed relieved somehow, even if he spent even more time away than before. (though, it was later revealed that this was no longer due to work but due to the twenty-five year old secretary that seduced him. the family functions on a very, don’t ask, don’t tell basis. they all still pretend they don’t know.) even his siblings seemed more taken with their situation, getting lost in harrod’s with his mother, fetching treats they never used to be able to afford and filling their rooms with fun and frill. only roman was miserable. he longed for home. the nosiness of their street caused him to spend the night gaping at his ceiling, tears brimming his eyes. no matter how badly he willed it, he could no longer remember what the air in bath smelled of. he could no longer make out what the local bakery’s hot cross buns tasted like. all the money in the world could not cure his seemingly terminal case of homesickness.

the preparatory school he attended was a buffet of different flavors of the rich and very posh. some who were even actually were related to the crown, and not in the naive sort of way his mother had claimed. most of them seemed to speak a language of their own, already so determined of their futures. future parliament members just like their parents, or perhaps diplomats. there were even a few children of celebrities, who roman discovered either had a thirst for the crafts of their parents or absolutely abhorred it. there was no middle ground with the children conceived by artists.

during this period of solitude, roman as we know today was formed. once a sweet and relatively shy boy, he became a scribble of snark, sarcasm, and wit. it was not meant in malice, like many of his classmates and peers thought, but simply his sense of humor, outlook, and demeanor. anyone who was willing enough to befriend him, found him to be composed surprisingly of boyish grins and mischief. he was not the block of ice people made him out to be. all one had to do was offer him the warmth of their trust for him to melt.

the skill that permitted him into imperium happened somewhat accidentally. worried that their eldest son was falling into a depression, his parents had him seated with a psychologist at fifteen. unbeknownst to him, his mother had stolen the journal he faithfully confided in and presented it to the spidery woman responsible for unspooling the tangle of roman’s thoughts. while she did find some of the contents troubling, most of all she was impressed with the nature in which the boy wrote. a penchant for words, able to bewitch the page and to turn it into the picture perfect image of whatever he envisioned in his brain. poetic and dark, like a brewing storm. she encouraged him to follow this talent, to untether it from his moments of melancholy and allow it to speak for stories. which is what he did. by seventeen he had published two books of poetry, and was working on a murder mystery story, involving two reunited lovers piecing together the murder of a recently deceased childhood friend. despite the fact that the works that he had published were done so anonymously, ashcroft was able to uncover the truth. and so as he entered university, he was accepted with much prestige into imperium. the one and only place that roman felt as though he might belong. that he might actually be happy.

until octavia’s death, of course.

roman had loved tragedies until he had become one. that all he was now, tragedy with a heartbeat. was it better to love and have it taken from you? or was it better to have not loved at all? all he knows is that he was certain his heart had endured enough when she’d left the first time, he did not know what egregious sin he’d committed to lose her the second time. there was no peace for him anymore. nothing could quell the rainstorm in his soul. not even the things that used to work. laying out in the library with leather books in hand, walking around campus with the rest of the club and laughter in their voice, coffees with too much sugar, the first snowfall. all of it, devoid of anything but misery. ache. death. the only cure would have come in the form of her, octavia’s nimble fingers in his hair. missing her was so jarring, he felt that it was only a matter of time before he too would join her.

as naive as it was, roman felt grateful for the ghostly visits. first he’d chalked it up to insanity. what else could it be? at least now he could see her, he could hear her, beyond the times when he pulled up videos of her on his phone while the sounds and sights of her were snuffed out by the sounds of his own wailing. he’d rather a shadow of her presence than nothing at all.

rage came next. he wanted it to be lysander. needed it to be. lysander was responsible for all dissolution of his happiness. it was lysander who had seduced away the one person he’d ever loved. clearly it had to be lysander who had selfishly expelled her from the world too. it felt easier to condense his hatred to one person… roman wasn’t sure if there was enough space left in him to hate anyone else. but to learn this was wrong? roman had no idea what to make of it. it caused him to wet his sheets each night with sweat, to carve bloody moon imprints onto his palms. he felt ravenous for revenge.

the brain.

[ based off loosely off of: camille preaker, theodore laurie, ponyboy curtis, & draco malfoy ]

+ romantic: it’s no secret that ro is a massive romantic. anyone who saw him interact with octavia could see it clear as day. he genuinely enjoyed the little things in a relationship many thought organically lessened with the hands of time. however, he continued to be spontaneous, attentive, and sweet. he continued with love notes, and presenting flowers whenever he could. even in the way he looked at his love seemed to be veiled in something ancient, something innate like he’d always known her in all of his lives. roman’s romanticism did not stop at tiv, though. it leaked into his poetry, as intense wafts of emotions always seem to steal our words. but there is even a romantic manner in which he treats his friends. he’s a little bit of your boyfriend when you’re close enough friends, to be perfectly honest. the boy has a earnest love for making those he cares for feel looked after. not all loves are amorous in nature, but that does not mean they are not to be cultivated with the same dedication to magic as the one he shared with his beloved.

+ empathetic: sometimes a negative, mostly a positive roman has the unbearable burden of a heart too large for his mind. he sees whispers of goodness in every person (save for fucking lysander) even if he does not want to. if someone is under duress, or is wallowing in some sort of pain, roman’s instinct is to alleviate their plight. sometimes it comes begrudgingly, as though someone is holding a gun to his temple to execute such a task. not even a hint of a smile dressing his face, but he does it nonetheless, knowing he may be robbed of his sleep if not. but for his friends, he’d gladly die doing right by their hearts.

+ noble: perhaps roman is of aristocratic blood after all, because roman is the most noble of them all. he’s not quite sure when the moral compass forged itself into his soul, and when it began to guide nearly all of his actions, but one day he woke up and was highly aware of the importance of sticking to one’s words. once he adopts something as the decent thing to do, he has a hard time shaking it. it shackles him. it ensnares him to do the right thing each time. for this reason, he’s been in trouble a few times for sticking his nose where it doesn’t necessarily belong, getting into tiffs with moronic bullies who pick on others or sleazy men with wandering hands. sometimes he wishes he could just mind his own fucking business. it certainly may have prevented him a black eye or two.

- cynical: you could almost say that from the moment that roman kissed octavia, he could taste the doom on her lips. he certainly did not anticipate her grim ending, but he always knew she was too good for him. too beautiful, too happy, too perfect. just as her fickle gaze wanders, so shall she. but, this frame of mind was not unique to just this singular circumstance, it was roman’s entire mantra. all good in life would be expunged from him eventually. one must always anticipate the worst, and be pleasantly surprised when things pan out. for example, he’s a writer and yet he studies chemistry. why? because he’s afraid that his writing isn’t as good as he believes and will need a fall back. as of now, his fallback is pharmaceutical school. he finds happy endings in movies to be unbelievable. how is it realistic that everyone ends up happier than ever? bullshit. no fucking way.

- self-destructive: (tw: drug/alcohol mention) he drenches himself in gasoline with the cynicism, but he lights the match by participating in self-destructive behavior. drinking and drugs become a regular part of ro’s life when he’s lounging in a pool of his own pain. he finds it best to numb it, to muffle the screams of doubt in his head with sharp shops of bourbon and snowy lines of cocaine. besides, he always tells himself it may make him a more interesting writer. what’s life without a little scandal, anyway?

- aloof: despite having a pure heart, roman has a difficult time expressing himself. with page and pen, he manages to do so, but in person? to unlatch your cage of ribs and let someone inside? to watch the softness in your eyes when you admit a secret, or a snippet of deep affection? his shrink had chalked it up to the fact his parents never told him that they loved him. awkward kisses on the head on birthdays and maybe a stiff hug or two in between, but roman himself has always had a painfully hard time coming across as soft as he truly was, no matter how hard he tries.

the quirks.

has a tattoo of joan of arc on the left side of his ribcage. that sounds poetic but he also has a tattoo of the lochness monster with sunglasses on that he got while drunk in mexico one summer break.

presses flowers. usually he presses them to make bookmarks. leaves his favorite ones in his favorite books at the library for people to enjoy. if you ask him directly if he’s behind this random kindness though, he’ll tell you to fuck off.

has a pet goldfish that he’s successfully kept alive for six whole fucking years. her name is peaches. i think he’d fully lose it if peaches kicks it sometime soon too.

incredibly gifted when it comes to billiards. is known to drive further out of town to new bars to hustle people for money.

very much a “here’s my other headphone, let’s stare out the window together depressively” when on buses and train with his friends.

if you listen really hard in the library at like 8 pm, you will find him softly cry into the last book octavia checked out. come say hi, pals!

has very conflicting senses of style. likes clean lines and pristinely clean shirts and slacks which he then pairs with his most worn out chucks, and most lived in sweaters. if his shoes are clean and tidy then he has to be in a leather blazer. has this man ever brushed his hair in his life? absolutely not, but literally nothing he owns will ever appear wrinkled.

only has one pin on his leather messenger bag: “eat the rich” it says, as if he and literally most of his friends don’t consist of “the rich.”

his favorite book is love in a time of cholera

is a bit sentimental. he’s the type to keep movie tickets and receipts from good days he’s had with friends. he has them all in a big box, and when things are too heavy to bear he likes to sift through it all and remember all the pieces in time where things didn’t feel so ghastly.

carries around a disposable camera. roman’s too lazy to get into actual film, but he likes the concept of physical photos, so he’ll usually have his wallet, keys, a book, and the shitty camera stuffed into his coat at all times. please note that his keys have an obnoxious amount of keychains for a man of his age. his favorite one is a koala whose eyes pop out when you squeeze it, gifted to him by his little sister. keeps a photo of his sister, octavia, and his best friend in his wallet, always.

he still hasn’t finished his book. needless to say, his publisher is really fucking pissed. every time someone brings it up, he says, “it’s almost done.” it’s not. not even close.

always always always makes wishes in fountains. keeps coins on him just for that purpose. and no, he never does reveal what he actually wishes for.

the letter.

tivi,

the other day i read somewhere that drowning is relatively quick. between the midst of the panic and terror, the average person only has between thirty to sixty seconds before they involuntarily suck in a mouthful of water. the pain of this process is supposed to be so severe, that you pass out. but just before you do, the lack of oxygen sends you into a state of euphoria. you feel nothing but the swath of water’s gentle embrace. it blankets your thoughts, and the water’s clasp around you is meant to bring you comfort, the same way babies like pools. it feels maternal, safe. i used to think love was like that. both terror and elation ribboned and sandwiched down into a single person. it was morbid, to compare death and love, i know that now. but perhaps my self conscious was always preparing me for this. the death of you. the death of my heart. the death of all things colored and pure in this life, all of which is to be buried with you and our child. do you think our baby would have liked pools?

the pain is visceral. i can feel it, heavy and harsh in my lungs. in the crevices of my bones. in my arms, where the warmth of you lacks. i can even fucking taste it, even the bitter burn of scotch turning to ash in my mouth. no one knows how to approach this, or what to say to me. i keep receiving tight-lipped looks of people awash with pity and sympathy. you always hated when i cried. i did that a lot, didn’t i? a stupid fucking commercial about a father taking his daughter to ballet class and suddenly i’ve got my fists balled up hot and tight, and my eyes are at the ceiling trying to evaporate the ocean in my face. you were the only one i felt safe enough to be a complete an utter wreck in front of. but don’t worry, your headstone will get regular updates of my too loud, too long series of sobs. i’ll be forever faithful.

i found ten synonyms in the thesaurus for “miss.” pine for, long to see, ache for, feel the loss of, regret the absence of, yearn for, feel nostalgic for, long for, need. none of them seem to fit this all consuming rot that you left behind in my heart. nonetheless, each of these substitute meanings live inside me. when i walk, i can feel them all shifting around, clashing around my insides, against one another, like bits of a snow-globe. except none of this feels glittery. i know it sounds childish, but before the day begins, and just as the misery begins to sink in, my first instinct is always to reach for my phone and call you to tell you about it. there was always honey to be found in your words. god, i fucking miss you.

i have much to thank you for. it’d be naive to believe i could shrink all of it down into a single page, but i’ll try my best to do you justice. thank you for your patience, that of a saint at times. thank you for allowing me the great honor of your affection. thank you for every shard of laughter you extended to me. thank you for never calling me out on being a fucking awful dancer when i most certainly was. thank you for being the shepherd to my darkest secrets. [ REDACTED SECRET, BAYBEEEE ] thank you for existing in my life, and washing my world with worth. i wish i could forget it now, but i’m afraid i’ll be chasing this, you, for the rest of forever. at least i have something to chase, i guess. thank you, thank you, thank you.

tiv, wherever you are… please know that i love you and have loved you from the very moment we met. i would have died for you, but i don’t know if i can live like this for you. i feel carved out, hollow. you took with you every glimmer of light i had left. it’s too dark now… and enough of the prose for a second, i keep crying so god damn much i can barely see. like literally, i think fucking going blind too now. great. guess it really is dark now, huh baby? you would have hated this joke.

come back. even just for a little while. i love you. i love you, i love you. should have said it more.

i love you.

forever yours,

the extras.

pinterest board

spotify playlist

thank you for reading all of this if you did lol.

#spectreintro

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zachvillasource · 5 years

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interview | zach villa - schonmagazine.com

As the infamous Night Stalker, Iowa-born actor Zach Villa is a chaotic evil in the latest series of American Horror Story. Entitled AHS: 1984, the show plays off the hopes and tropes of the 1980s, incorporating elements from films like Friday the 13th and Halloween into a spine-tingling thrill ride. The chief villain of the series is Villa’s Richard Ramirez, a reality-based serial killer set on making the lead characters’ lives a living hell — quite literally.

In real life, however, Villa is an obvious contrast. A multihyphenate with a strong career across a range of disciplines, he first caught the attention of the mainstream from his collaboration with Evan Rachel Wood in the project Rebel and a Basketcase. Now, as AHS: 1984 keeps audiences around the world thoroughly spooked, Villa opens up to Schön! about growing up in Iowa, his willingness to collaborate with Taylor Swift, and the unexpected call that announced his role on American Horror Story.

How did you get your start in acting?

Well, I’ve been on stage since I was two, so the whole shebang started quite early. Acting, oddly, was an afterthought when I first started. I had been dancing and singing on stage for years, idolising great song-and-dance performers like Gene Kelly, Donald O’ Connor, and Sammy Davis Jr. when it occurred to me that I should probably focus on learning the craft of acting if I wanted to continue pursuing that particular path in the entertainment industry. I had focused intensely on two out of the three “triple threat” disciplines, so I guessed it was time that I figured out the third part. It was an accessory to being able to perform musical theatre roles more effectively, and I guess that backfired in a sense and became a more central focus as I developed.

Iowa isn’t the most common birthplace for a big-time actor. What does your family — and presumably other Midwestern relatives — think of your journey into Hollywood?

They are both thrilled and confused. Don’t get me wrong — my family is very happy for me, and while we have had our spats over the years about whether or not I should be pursuing a highly volatile, financial unstable career, they have ultimately come through and rooted for me and my success.

That being said, I think pursuing a career in the mainstream entertainment industry is a very singular experience. Unless you’ve lived it and hit the pavement in NYC, L.A., etc., it’s very hard to understand the day-to-day struggles of a performing artist. I think that certain regions of the country are — generally — a majority of media consumers as opposed to creators, and there is a disconnect between the public and those of us pursuing an arts career that propagates the fallacy of things being easy and breezy, since you don’t have to get up every day at 6 AM, go to the office, and then come home and make dinner. People see that lack of structure as undisciplined and fancy-free. Let me tell you, it’s anything but. Artists have to hit the pavement in a very different way that is highly varied from day to day, and that uncertainty introduces a unique kind of stress, in addition, to actually trying to be good at your job. I always say that booking work is my “job” as an actor, and when I actually book a gig, that’s where the job ends and the craft and career begins. Translating that to someone without firsthand experience can be infuriatingly difficult.

Where were you when you found out about landing AHS: 1984 and the scope of your role? What did you do?Who did you call first?

I was in the studio recording an audiobook — one of the many ways that this particular actor has been able to supplement their income, and it has been such a gift. I was waiting on the call, and I stopped narrating mid-sentence — much to the puzzlement of my audio engineer — and picked up. I got the news, opened the door of the vocal booth and leaned against the front wall, sliding down to a sitting fetal position, and started to tear up. I called a few close friends and family and walked around for the better part of an hour mildly freaking out. The studio staff secretly went and bought a bottle of champagne down the street, and after I finished my page quota for the day they surprised me with a toast. Then everything in my life became a blur.

Of course, without spoiling anything, what can you tell us about your role as Richard Ramirez in AHS: 1984?

Oh, that’s a very difficult question. Richard Ramirez was a real person. I am playing a character that shares his name and is informed by him and his history. Beyond that, you’ll just have to wait and see.

What was the most memorable moment from shooting the series?

I can’t say my absolute favourite without revealing secrets! But I’ll say that the encounter with the hiker in episode two was quite “fun” — if you can call pretending to murder someone “fun.” The makeup and FX team on the show is the best in the biz, and the blood rig that was used in that scene was just wild. It was messy and crazy, and [there was] high pressure to get it right in one take, and I loved it.

What’s your method for getting into character, both in the weeks and moments leading up to a shoot or performance?

I have to play these cards close to the chest. Some of it is instinct. I just feel as though I am inside the character’s head at some point after spending enough time with the material, but it’s different with each role.

Sometimes I need to know how they sound, sometimes it’s historical research. It’s ALWAYS spending an exorbitant amount of time with the script — that’s the golden rule for me. Whether its Shakespeare or the 200th episode of Friends, you have to start with the text as an actor, and the most minute differences in phrasing, punctuation, word choice, etc. are clues to how this person operates as a human being and in the world. I always come back to the text. Any other secret sauce that I do I’ll keep secret for now.

What’s been the most challenging part of playing a character like this?

I’ll modify the question to ask what’s the most important part of playing a character like this… and that, I think, is being able to let it go at the end of the day — which I don’t always succeed in doing. Sometimes after an intense shoot it takes me a minute to let go of the energy I was carrying around on set. I pride myself on being able to flip in and out, but that is challenging from time to time for me on this particular project.

If you could only watch one film and one television series for the rest of your life, which would you choose?

The Back to the Future Trilogy for movies and Battlestar Galactica for TV. Nerd alert.

Apart from acting (and dance) you’re also well-versed in music. How did you begin as a musician?

The same time that I started hearing it, so very, very early. Growing up with a dance studio attached to your house, you hear a lot of very diverse music over the years. That all seeped into my subconscious, and I was writing full-on symphonies in my head walking through the woods in Iowa when I was seven or eight years old. Mind you, I didn’t have the skills to put that into writing or notation — and still don’t, not for the symphonies anyway.

I learned how to read music by playing the violin in elementary school. I didn’t pick up a guitar or actually start producing original music in any tangible way until my junior year at Interlochen Arts Academy. There, my roommate Filip — a wildly talented self-taught metal guitarist and visual arts student from Macedonia — taught me things here and there, and I also taught myself by ear. The Internet, man.

Who are some other musicians with whom you’d like to collaborate?

St. Vincent. Top of the list. Blink 182 — a childhood dream. Jimmy Eat World. John Mayer but only if he lets me be in his next ridiculous green screen music video. Mac Ayers, Tears For Fears, Snail Mail, and oh, I dunno… Taylor Swift. Come at me.

Who are your biggest musical inspirations? And what have you been listening to lately?

Biggest? That’s tough because it changes with each project. Tower of Power is a huge influence for me. My first band was funk-based, and man, they are so groovy. If you don’t know, now you know go listen to them. St. Vincent. Jimmy Eat World. And, regardless of the drama surrounding this artist from time to time, John Mayer. He really is one of the great guitarists of our generation, and more importantly, the songwriting that he produces is top-notch. I’ve learned a lot from diving deep into his material over the years. Miles Davis, and jazz in general, is huge for me. Brain fuel. Listening lately to Sleater-Kinney’s new record, Knuckle Puck, and a lot of 2000s pop-punk.

What else can we look forward to from Zach Villa — be in 2019, 2020 or later?

World domination.

The track on the video content [for this shoot] is the first single — a tease if you will — of my new solo project. Go check it out. My band Sorry Kyle will be dropping a ton of music over the next few months if you’re into punk and emo.

And that’s just music. Acting-wise, post-AHS I’m waiting to see what comes down the pipe. I’m always creating. I want to be fluid in music, movement, film and TV, directing, etc. There’s no time like the present and the present is, well, now. So hang on tight.

#zach villa #ahs cast #american horror story #ahs 1984 #interview #photoshoots #*

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worthsomethingtoday · 4 years

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Our interview with Save The Broken about mental health and some other questions

1. What is your names & what do you play in the band?

Steve Walters - Vocals

Tyler Semolik - Drums <Participants of interview

Frank Cortalano - Guitar

Frank Mazzei - Guitar

Mike Hooper - Bass

2. • How did the band get started?

Rob, a founding member and I used to always go to karaoke together and sing songs with screaming in them. The look on people’s faces was priceless when they heard that first scream unexpectedly. One day we got tired of people coming up to us asking if we were in a band to which we always replied no. So we told each other “let’s just do it, it’s our dream. What are we waiting for?”

-Steve

I joined the band when the old guitarist left the band. Members of Save The Broken including Steve and Tyler had come to see my other band at a show back in February of 2019 to introduce themselves to us. After that, my other band had played a few shows with Save The Broken. Later that year the band had announced that their guitarist was leaving and that they we’re looking for a new one. At the time I was not looking to join another band because I have a million other things going on, but I reached out to Steve and told him that I was willing to help fill in until they found someone permanent. After weeks of practicing, we had our first show at Lucy’s Lounge in Pleasantville for This Is Sirus Fest. The energy on stage was amazing and I knew that I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to be a part of something this fun so I decided to become a permanent guitarist.

-Frank C.

3. •What was the funniest thing that has ever happened to you on stage?

Last year on Halloween my mic got yanked into the pit and I tried pulling it back but it wasn’t budging. I threw my arms in the air and sang along with the crowd for the rest of the song. There’s a clip of it in the highlights on our instagram.

-Steve

My equipment breaks on me almost every show lol!

-Tyler

The funniest thing that happened on stage was a drunk guy at one of our shows was so into our set that he came up to sing our songs along with us, even though he didn’t really know the words lol.

-Frank C.

4. •If you had 1 million dollars in the music industry what would you use it for?

Besides investing in equipment, I would love to donate to charities that are meaningful to me and to the band as a whole and put together shows that would help raise money for causes that we care about. I want people to realize how important music is and how it can help the community and the world.

-Frank C

This has never been about money for me. If I can help people heal and just make enough to get by, I’ll be very happy. If we do end up getting to that level one day I’d want to give back to all of the people that got us there. -Steve

Currently, a venue for sessions where bands can do their thing and be live streamed so everyone can see them considering the situation.

-Tyler

5. • If you could tour with any band or musician dead or alive who would it be with & why?

Easy, August Burns Red or Dance Gavin Dance. They’ve always been my inspiration to be a musician and be in a touring band.

-Tyler

My Chemical Romance. Yeah, the guy that screams was an emo kid. I don’t think I’d be here without them and they’re my inspiration for wanting to help people just like they’ve helped me. Band name inspiration confirmed. -Steve

Definitely Bayside and Coheed and Cambria. These are two bands that have gotten me through some tough times and have been a huge inspiration for me as a musician across all instruments I play. One of Save The Broken’s main messages is to help and inspire others so bands like these two that have done the same for me are near and dear to my heart.

-Frank C.

6.• What do you think of the media frenzy over mental illness meaning should we talk about it more in the world?

I believe that it is very important to talk about mental illness. We all need to do what we can to be healthy in all aspects of life and our mental health is arguably the most important part because it coincides with everything else. I feel like the media doesn’t focus as much on mental health as it should and unfortunately does not do more to encourage people to seek the proper help that they need.

-Frank C.

We should always talk about it. I think the media and certain businesses are just cashing in on the hype, but there has never been a better and more acceptable time to talk about your mental illness, and that’s a great thing. -Steve

7.• Have you ever dealt with depression or any other mental illness & if so how did you handle it?

I’ve been dealing with depression for years. I find solace in my friends, family, music, writing, and my bandmates. I’m very lucky to have strong people around me and to be a part of this band. Helping others is a great way to deal with your own depression sometimes. We’re here to help heal the world, but we’re definitely healing ourselves along the way.

-Steve

Depression has definitely been kicking me in the butt for a while. I try to put myself out of my own element and to be more openminded about trying new things I may like to take my mind off of the old things dragging me down. -Tyler

I have been dealing with both depression and anxiety nearly my entire life. I’ve been trying my hardest to follow a lesson that I learned from reading the book The Alchemist which is to live in the moment. This lesson has really helped me become more present in all aspects of my life rather than be stuck inside my own head. I am very lucky to have things in my life that bring me joy such as music, dungeons and dragons, video games, and hanging with my friends and loved ones who are an important support system to have. There are a ton of bad things that I can focus on or worry about but when I can do the things that bring me joy, be present in every moment and remind myself that the pain and sadness are temporary it allows me to be positive and enjoy the good things in life.

-Frank C.

8.• What would you say has been the most difficult or hardest part of your life so far?

The hardest part of my life so far has been finding a comfortable environment where I feel free to find myself and to properly sit with my emotions. This has negatively affected me because I haven’t felt like I had a place to think and to properly heal mentally which has taken toll on my writing which is one of the most important things in my life.

-Frank C.

Losing my dad suddenly at 15 still hurts me to this day. We were very close. I’ve lost many loved ones, but that cut is the deepest. I’ve worked in the funeral business for a long time and being around death is always a constant reminder of what I’ve been through, but being around others who have lost someone and helping them means a lot to me.

-Steve

Now, 2020, corona virus, I love being around people, being out and enjoying myself. So not being able to do so drives me insane.

-Tyler

9.• What would you tell a fan that is struggling with self harm?

I try my hardest to let the people in my life know that they are important and that their life is worth living. I would encourage a fan, or anyone struggling with self-harm, to seek out professional help or at the very least reach out to someone who can help them get to that point. I know it can sometimes be scary, but therapy is an option that they should consider and can benefit from. It’s also important to be honest and patient with themself and to realize that healing takes time. We all have the strength to get passed whatever we are dealing with.

-Frank C.

Do whatever you can to find a different outlet for your pain. Reach out to anyone you can, and even if you think that person doesn’t exist there is always someone out there going through the same thing or maybe even worse. Luckily there are many ways to reach out these days even if there’s no one present in your life to help you. You shouldn’t be ashamed to talk to someone, and if that’s what’s stopping you, luckily there are plenty of ways now to do that privately and virtually. I also want people to know that they have the strength within to heal, but sometimes in your darkest of places, someone needs to drag it out of you, and that’s ok.

-Steve

If a fan is hurting, you be there for them, LISTEN to them. A fan is a friend you hold highly. Try to help them find other coping mechanisms to help when they are in their time of need.

-Tyler

10.• What is like when a fan comes up too you & tells you your music saved their life or get them though hard times in life?

That’s what this is all about. There was a guy who came up to me in Brooklyn after a set who had never heard of us before. He connected with what I said between songs about losing someone and not being alone. He thanked me for reminding him of that and gave me a hug. I cried and thanked him also, because he reminded me of how true that was too. If he’s reading this I hope he never forgets that statement, and for anyone else reading this you shouldn’t forget it either.

-Steve

It’s one of the best feelings in the world. As performers and artists, it is important to remember that what we do goes beyond ourselves. When we get up on that stage or release music out into the world we are connecting with people. I don’t do this for money or fame. I do this to inspire others and impact their life through music. If I can relate to one person and give them a sense of hope by letting them know they aren’t alone in this world then I have done my job as a musician.

-Frank C.

It’s a great feeling. I love that people can connect through music and being someone who helps with that means the world to me!

-Tyler

11.• Do any of your songs talk about anything dealing with depression or self harm or anything along those lines?

Not every song of ours speaks about those subjects specifically, but every song is based off of emotions, good or bad, that come from dealing with hard times, and the journey to overcome them.

-Steve

12.• What would you tell someone that is scared to ask for help because they don't want to be looked at differently?

I’d tell them that it is okay to feel scared, but don’t let anyone stop them from getting the help they need. The fear of being judged should never hold them back from doing what is right for them. It is their right to keep their personal life private, but they should reach out to people they trust if they are in need of help.

-Frank C.

I would tell them don’t feel scared. Speak to someone who they feel comfortable talking to and explain the problem, then look for help.

-Tyler

Reach out privately. Research different organizations designed to fit your specific needs.

-Steve

13.• Do you think we as society should be able to have a conversation about mental health without being judge or looked at differently & do you think we should be able to talk about it in our school systems?

Anyone who would ever put you down for what you’re going through has no place in your life. Cut toxicity out of your circle. As someone who was bullied all throughout his life in school I think that is the toughest hurdle. We as a society have to make it so mental health is not something to be looked down upon and I think that will trickle down to everything else including the school systems. I think we’re on our way to that.

-Steve

As a teacher, I can tell you just how influential the things kids learn in school are. Speaking about mental health in schools will help children understand how important it is and may help decrease the stigma that surrounds mental health. If our children are properly informed on the subject, it will help us as a society to normalize the conversation and can lead to less judgment and better understanding of it.

-Frank C.

14.• Do you think the media should look at mental health in a positive light, more then just jumping to conclusions on the news?

Unfortunately, media and the news have a big role to play in our society. If mental health was discussed in a positive light and helped people have a better understanding of it by providing the information in a more accessible way, then it may help open the discussion rather than stigmatize mental health.

-Frank C.

Don’t watch the news lol...

-Steve

#have hope #never lose hope #don't lose hope #your important #mental health #vanswarpedtour #music #hope for the day #staystrong #2017

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