#thinking about norman kings

[adhd-merlin]

my most bizarre merlin thought (probably) is that I want immortal merlin to befriend a nun at some point

[wonder-worker]

A central element of the myth of [Eleanor of Aquitaine] is that of her exceptionalism. Historians and Eleanor biographers have tended to take literally Richard of Devizes’s conventional panegyric of her as ‘an incomparable woman’. She is assumed to be a woman out of her time. […] Amazement at Eleanor’s power and independence is born from a presentism that assumes generally that the Middle Ages were a backward age, and specifically that medieval women were all downtrodden and marginalized. Eleanor’s career can, from such a perspective, only be explained by assuming that she was an exception who rose by sheer force of personality above the restrictions placed upon twelfth-century women.

— Michael R. Evans, Inventing Eleanor: The Medieval and Post-Medieval Image of Eleanor of Aquitaine

The idea of Eleanor’s exceptionalism rests on an assumption that women of her age were powerless. On the contrary, in Western Europe before the twelfth century there were ‘no really effective barriers to the capacity of women to exercise power; they appear as military leaders, judges, castellans, controllers of property’. […] In an important article published in 1992, Jane Martindale sought to locate Eleanor in context, stripping away much of the conjecture that had grown up around her, and returning to primary sources, including her charters. Martindale also demonstrated how Eleanor was not out of the ordinary for a twelfth-century queen either in the extent of her power or in the criticisms levelled against her.

If we look at Eleanor’s predecessors as Anglo-Norman queens of England, we find many examples of women wielding political power. Matilda of Flanders (wife of William the Conqueror) acted as regent in Normandy during his frequent absences in England following the Conquest, and [the first wife of Henry I, Matilda of Scotland, played some role in governing England during her husband's absences], while during the civil war of Stephen’s reign Matilda of Boulogne led the fight for a time on behalf of her royal husband, who had been captured by the forces of the empress. And if we wish to seek a rebel woman, we need look no further than Juliana, illegitimate daughter of Henry I, who attempted to assassinate him with a crossbow, or Adèle of Champagne, the third wife of Louis VII, who ‘[a]t the moment when Henry II held Eleanor of Aquitaine in jail for her revolt … led a revolt with her brothers against her son, Philip II'.

Eleanor is, therefore, less the exception than the rule – albeit an extreme example of that rule. This can be illustrated by comparing her with a twelfth century woman who has attracted less literary and historical attention. Adela of Blois died in 1137, the year of Eleanor’s marriage to Louis VII. […] The chronicle and charter evidence reveals Adela to have ‘legitimately exercised the powers of comital lordship’ in the domains of Blois-Champagne, both in consort with her husband and alone during his absence on crusade and after his death. […] There was, however, nothing atypical about the nature of Adela’s power. In the words of her biographer Kimberley LoPrete, ‘while the extent of Adela’s powers and the political impact of her actions were exceptional for a woman of her day (and indeed for most men), the sources of her powers and the activities she engaged in were not fundamentally different from those of other women of lordly rank’. These words could equally apply to Eleanor; the extent of her power, as heiress to the richest lordship in France, wife of two kings and mother of two or three more, was remarkable, but the nature of her power was not exceptional. Other noble or royal women governed, arranged marriages and alliances, and were patrons of the church. Eleanor represents one end of a continuum, not an isolated outlier.

[fullscoreshenanigans]

tiony

[youmakethelight]

Daryl was my favourite character for years, but daryl is boring in the spinoff without carol now idk. Like beyond the incongruous relationships with random characters, I just don't see it anymore. Whatever drew me to him isn't there anymore.

Maybe it's the 'leading man' bullshit. Someone (the showrunner) who doesn't understand the character or how to be a good writer is moulding him all wrong. It's ok for a character like daryl to be a lead. He didn't need to change his character.

And why for all that is good in this world, will they not let carol be a leading woman?? Melissa won't change carol. So, maybe the showrunner(?) can't stretch his brain to think of how to work her as a lead. But that's bullshit.

I love carol. I love melissa. I love the real daryl. And this show is not about them. Not at all. Idk who the fuck it's about, but it's not daryl and it's not carol. Daryl is just.. still stranded on the Atlantic Ocean tbh. And carol is being pushed to the back.

[elephantlovemedleys]

once again thinking about how in disney's robin hood (1973), prince john and richard the lionheart are depicted as lions which obviously means that eleanor of aquitaine in that universe is a lioness.

[systlin]

ooooo summarize the one where tarl gets called bosk by a mean lady and it rewrites his brain chemistry

Oh, Telima! The Mean Domme! LMAO it's so funny.

So Tarl is boating down the Big Fuckass River to Port Kar where a dude he wants to meet up with lives. Port Kar is a notorious hive of scum and villainy but has far fewer Han Solos to shoot douchebags in the face unfortunately.

We get like, ten pages of Tarl talking about how longbows are good at killing people, because duh of course they are. However, for some fuckass reason Goreans usually consider it a low class and disgraceful weapon, and Tarl is considered weird for liking it. I will give Norm credit for Tarl, raised an Englishman, having a favorable view of the longbow even in a society that views them as dishonorable. Reluctantly. Anyway.

He's in the Vosk delta, which is a vast labyrinth of swamp mostly covered in a reed called Rence, which is used to make paper and also parts are edible. It's inhabited by Rence Growers, who are actually kinda cool?

They make like, floating boat towns, and hunt and fish the marshes, and they take in fled slaves sometimes and let them live as free women. Like. They kinda rock actually?

Instead of any actual plot for a bit, we get like twenty pages here of Norm outlining Rence, how it grows, how it's harvested, how things are made from it, ect ect. This completely derails the story for a jarring length of time, and it will not be the last time such a thing happens. Norm loves his annoying and dumb infodumps.

Anyway, Tarl is in their territory, and happens upon a free woman fishing in the marshes. He is, predictably, what he thinks is polite but from her POV is intrusive and annoying, and her village takes him captive.

THEN we get to the wild shit.

 

A Sorp is a turtle, btw. And legit this is like, one of the 3 reasonable dudes we get on Gor. Ho Hak you're a king love you bro.

Champion shit.

ANYWAY.

This, in the hands of a better writer, could have been the moment when Tarl realized that, oh, shit, yeah okay in this situation he will act just like the women he's enslaved before who complied rather than be beaten or killed. It could have been a watershed moment.

It will not be.

ANYWAY, Tarl is taken slave, and Telima absolutely rearranges his whole brain with ONE SINGLE NIGHT OF BEING A MEAN DOMME.

He will go by this name FOR THE ENTIRE NEXT THIRTY BOOKS LIKE GIRL JESUS CHRIST.

He's chasing this high for the entire rest of the series. He never gets over this. Like holy shit. Fuck.

Anyway so some Port Kar slavers raid the place and take some people captive, whatever, there's not actually any plot in this book it's just here to get Tarl topped and get him to Port Kar. He fights the knowledge that he can be enslaved like he's enslaved women this whole time, and again somehow manages to do no actual growth or introspection. It's really incredible.

The only thing of note here is that there is a dude named Clitus, which is inexpressibly funny to me. I bet no one can find him.

Tarl becomes a Captain of Port Kar by killing one of the other Captains. There's like, a war with Cos and Tyros, which are also naval powers, and we are supposed to root for Port Kar but honestly I do not give a single shit. It's mostly so that Norm can jerk himself off to pictures of Greek war galleys and Charlton Heston as Ben Hur, tbh.

How TF Tarl knows without trying how to captain a war galley, you ask? And is somehow so good at it that all the other captains are in awe? Well because he's a Speshul Boy, of course.

Of course Tarl wins the war and shit, it's pointless, I don't give a single shit about Port Kar vs Cos Vs Tyros and I want Tarl dead.

Anyway, Tarl hooks up with Samos, but not the way Tarl would really like. Stupid PK vs Kurii plot shit is droned on about for like fifty pages. It's all stupid, the end.

[blueiscoool]

1,000-Year-Old Norman Conquest Coin Hoard Sells for $5.6 Million

A hoard of Norman-era silver coins unearthed five years ago in southwestern England has become Britain’s most valuable treasure find ever, after it was bought for £4.3 million ($5.6 million) by a local heritage trust.

For the group of seven metal detectorists who discovered the 2,584 silver pennies in the Chew Valley area, about 11 miles south of the city of Bristol, it marks a lucrative windfall since they will pocket half that sum. The landowner on whose property the coins were found will receive the other half.

According to South West Heritage Trust, the body that acquired them, the coins date from around 1066-1068, spanning one of the most turbulent periods in English history as the country was successfully invaded for the last time during the Norman Conquest.

One coin, the oldest in the hoard, depicts King Edward the Confessor, who died childless in January 1066, triggering a period of instability since he had promised the throne to three claimants: Harold Godwinson, Earl of Wessex; Harald Hardrada, King of Norway; and William, Duke of Normandy.

Edward named Harold Godwinson as his successor on his deathbed, but the newly crowned King Harold II faced challenges from the other two claimants to the throne, and he was eventually defeated by William at the Battle of Hastings in October 1066.

The hoard of coins depicts this turmoil as Harold II features on just under half of them while William I (also known as William the Conqueror) features on the rest.

“It comes from a turning point in English history and it encapsulates the change from Saxon to Norman rule,” Amal Khreisheh, curator of archaeology at South West Heritage Trust, said in a video on the organization’s website.

“The hoard was buried in around 1067-1068 on an estate in Chew Valley which later belonged to Giso, the Bishop of Wells. We think it was probably buried for safekeeping during the time of rebellions against William in the South West.

“We know that in 1068, the people of Exeter rebelled against William. At around this time, Harold’s sons returned from exile in Ireland and their forces mounted attacks around the River Avon and then down into Somerset and the Chew Valley,” Khreisheh added.

Finding coins that were in use almost 1,000 years ago is exceptionally rare – this hoard contains twice as many coins from during Harold II’s reign as had previously been found.

The coins will now go on public display at the British Museum in London from November 26, before heading back to museums in southwest England.

[hollowed-theory-hall]

what's the one harry potter pairing u like that u mentioned in the tags of your hinny post?

Anonymous: Can I ask who that minor character you ship with Harry is? For some absurd reason my mind jumped to Stan Shunpike lol but it's probably not him.... Or is it?

Okay, so this is kind of a funny story. Like, my pipeline through hp pairings was a weird one. Like, I used to read a lot of Harry pairings, still do on occasion (some make more sense than others). None of them were ones I would point at and say: "that should've happened in the books"

One day, I was innocently writing a fic (canon divergence of GoF), and it was just for me, for funnsies, never posted it anywhere and not planning to. And I planned to pair Harry with someone there (honestly, I don't remember who because I didn't write the plan down) but when writing, Harry ended up with a different character. And it was so strange to me because that never happened.

Like, how do you write a ship accidentally?

But I did. I wrote Harry into a ship by accident. So I went back to the books to try and figure out why the hell would my subconscious decide that's the way to go.

I'll also preface it by all this being my subjective opinion and I do read other Harry ships in fics, this one just quickly became my favorite to write (and the only one I write). Also, I don't actually think this is a pairing that should've happened in the books, it's place is in fic and that's where I like it.

So, the character I accidentally shipped with Harry is... *drumroll*

Stan Shunpike!

Not really, it's:

Theodore Nott

Now, you might look at the name and go: "Who the fuck is that?"

And you'll be correct. Theo has 0 speaking lines in the entire book series. His name appears twice. He, himself, as a person, only appeared on page, like, 3 times in the background. The scene that gives the most information about him is other characters talking about him. He isn't even present.

That being said, I'm very good at extrapolating a lot of information from very little evidence. So allow me, to walk you through who is Theodore Nott and why I ship him with Harry.

Basic Information

So, let's start with the most basic overview before I pull out the quotes and go any deeper.

We know Theo is a Slytherin student in Harry's year. So he likely shares a dorm with Draco, Blaise, Crabbe, and Goyle.

Theo's father is both at the graveyard at the end of GoF and in the Department of Mysteries at the end of OotP, so we know he is a Death Eater. We also know Thoe's father was one of the first and closest Death Eaters to Voldemort, who waited for him during his interview with Dumbledore in 1967:

“Then if I were to go to the Hog’s Head tonight, I would not find a group of them — Nott, Rosier, Mulciber, Dolohov — awaiting your return? Devoted friends indeed...”

(HBP, page 444)

We also know the Nott family is "as pure-blooded as the Malfoys" according to JKR in an interview. We also know Theo's great-grandfather (maybe? the family relation isn't clear), Cantankerus Nott, is suspected to be the one who wrote the Pure-Blood Dictionary, the book that coined the term "Sacred 28" and made that list (which the Nott family are on).

The name Nott is potentially to be derived from the name Nótt, which is the personification of the night in Norse Mythology. So it has been theorized the Nott family have a Nordic origin. Possible, but it doesn't really matter for this post.

Edit: Correction regarding the surname "Nott". It is either a later anglicized form of the name Cnut (considered most likely), which originates from a old given danish name, known as the name of a pretty famous old Danish king who ruled a portion of England in the Early Middle Ages or it originates from the Old English word "Knot", and refers to someone who lived on a hill. The name "Cnut" (older spelling of the name"Nott") can be found in the Doomsday Book (survey of England's gentry from 1086) as owning lands before and after the Norman conquest (different family members and different lands in the before and after), suggesting the Nott family have either old Danish or Anglo-Saxon oigins and predate the Normans, making them one of the older wizarding families in the UK. But again, all this doesn't really matter for this post.

What does, is that he comes from a dark, Death Eater, blood-purist family similar to the Malfoys. Even so, Theo never took the Dark Mark and never joined Voldemort in the books.

Now, that we have the basic information out of the way, let's look at Theodore as a person.

All the details I could gather from the books

Alright, now we get to the fun part. That is, me going through all the relevant scenes that mention Theodore Nott and actually creating a character psychoanalysis out of basically nothing.

So, the quotes aren't organized in a particular order. I'm just going to explain Theo and then explain why all this makes me ship him with Harry.

“Well, I pity Slughorn’s taste. Maybe he’s going a bit senile. Shame, my father always said he was a good wizard in his day. My father used to be a bit of a favorite of his. Slughorn probably hasn’t heard I’m on the train, or —” “I wouldn’t bank on an invitation,” said Zabini. “He asked me about Nott’s father when I first arrived. They used to be old friends, apparently, but when he heard he’d been caught at the Ministry he didn’t look happy, and Nott didn’t get an invitation, did he? I don’t think Slughorn’s interested in Death Eaters.” Malfoy looked angry, but forced out a singularly humorless laugh.

(HBP, page 150)

This is a part of the conversation between Draco, Pansy, and Blaise, Harry overhears when he is hiding in their compartment at the beginning of HBP. I have a few things to note regarding this scene.

Firstly, throughout this conversation, Pansy, Blaise, and Draco all call each other by their first name. This shows closeness, they are all friendly and familiar enough to use their first names with each other. Theo, though, is referred to as "Nott" by all three in the compartment.

He doesn't actually sit in their compartment which is in itself a sign about how he isn't really friendly with Draco's group. Considering the group is most of his year from his house, Theo is likely very lonely, and it will be apparent from other scenes I bring up later.

Secondly, Theo's father is in Azkaban. We know Draco is bothered about his own father's predicament. He mentions it to Harry and bothers him over it, Theo doesn't though. Theo doesn't seem to be bothered by Harry or his father's incarceration.

The only conclusion I can draw from this is that the relationship between Theo and his father is not a good one.

(I know some fics like to have Lucius be abusive towards Draco, for some reason. But the books really don't back this up. Lucius loves Draco and Draco adores his father)

Theo, though, Theo seems to be the one with a very strained relationship with his father. Strained enough that he isn't bothered the man is in Azkaban. What I'm saying is that Theo's father likely abuses or mistreats him in some capacity.

If anything more was needed to complete Harry’s happiness, it was Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle’s reactions. He saw them with their heads together later that afternoon in the library, together with a weedy-looking boy Hermione whispered was called Theodore Nott. They looked around at Harry as he browsed the shelves for the book he needed on Partial Vanishment, and Goyle cracked his knuckles threateningly and Malfoy whispered something undoubtedly malevolent to Crabbe. Harry knew perfectly well why they were acting like this: He had named all of their fathers as Death Eaters

(OotP, page 583)

This is a scene at the end of OotP after Draco, Crabbe, Goyle and Theo's fathers were caught at the ministry and sent to Azkaban because they are Death Eaters. There are a few important notes about this scene.

The first, Hermione knows Theo, while Harry and Ron don't really. This means she likely knows him from the classes she takes and Harry and Ron don't — Arithmancy and/or Ancient Runes.

The second, he is sitting with other Death Eater children, but I don't think it's by choice. I mentioned in the previous quote how he isn't close to Draco and his crew. He sits with them here mostly because he doesn't have another choice. Theo doesn't seem to really have any friends, so he sits with the closest people he has to friends — kids he has known since he was young because their fathers were in the same circle.

The other note about this is that Crabbe, Goyle, and Draco are all mentioned as being threatening and malicious towards Harry because they don't like that their fathers are in Azkaban. Theo, though, Theo doesn't threaten Harry, he isn't part of their whisperings. As I mentioned above, he's likely happy his father is in Azkaban.

A pair of blank, white, shining eyes were growing larger through the gloom and a moment later the dragonish face, neck, and then skeletal body of a great, black, winged horse emerged from the darkness. It looked around at the class for a few seconds, swishing its long black tail, then bowed its head and began to tear flesh from the dead cow with its pointed fangs. A great wave of relief broke over Harry. Here at last was proof that he had not imagined these creatures, that they were real: Hagrid knew about them too. He looked eagerly at Ron, but Ron was still staring around into the trees and after a few seconds he whispered, “Why doesn’t Hagrid call again?” Most of the rest of the class were wearing expressions as confused and nervously expectant as Ron’s and were still gazing everywhere but at the horse standing feet from them. There were only two other people who seemed to be able to see them: a stringy Slytherin boy standing just behind Goyle was watching the horse eating with an expression of great distaste on his face, and Neville, whose eyes were following the swishing progress of the long black tail.

(OotP, page 445)

“The only people who can see thestrals,” she said, “are people who have seen death.”

(OotP, page 446)

The stringy Slytherin boy mentioned here is Theo. This scene proves that:

He takes Care of Magical Creatures

He saw someone die

Let's explore the second one for a moment. The fact Theo can see Thestrals means he watched someone die and was old enough to comprehend what he was seeing. We also know Theo's mother is dead. So it's likely the person he watched die was his mother.

I also want to draw attention to Theo's distaste towards Thestrals. He could likely see them carrying the carriages every year since 2nd year, it's not his first time seeing them. But it doesn't stop his displeasure with their sight from showing. Which says something about him. It means he likely recalls his mother and her death whenever he looks at the Thestrals. and these are memories Theo rather not experience.

We don't know how his mother died, but I'd hazard a guess it wasn't natural. After all, wizards have long life spans, they are more durable to illness and injury, and don't usually die from accidents unless very extreme or magical. And there was no epidemic of dragonpox (a disease that does tend to kill wizards) in the time since 1980 and the books. So, she was more likely killed at some point between 1985(ish) and 1991.

“No, I don’t think so, sir. I’m Muggle-born, you see.” Harry saw Malfoy lean close to Nott and whisper something; both of them sniggered, but Slughorn showed no dismay; on the contrary, he beamed and looked from Hermione to Harry, who was sitting next to her.

(HBP, pages 185-186)

First, Theo is an O student in potions since he is in the potions NEWT class, and was probably meant to be there even if Snape was the teacher.

Second, again, Theo doesn't really have friends. He sits next to Draco as the only other Slytherin in the class. Also, they share the circumstances of being sons of Death Eaters currently in Azkaban. Although both of them seem to deal with it quite differently.

Third, Theo joins Draco in making fun of Hermione's blood status, but he does not initiate it. Considering the environment he was raised in and is in, it makes sense he would make fun of it. Whether he's a blood-purist or not, he would want to keep his image considering he doesn't have many allies. Hanging out with Draco is survival, not friendship. They aren't even on a first-name basis with each other.

“Amortentia doesn’t really create love, of course. It is impossible to manufacture or imitate love. No, this will simply cause a powerful infatuation or obsession. It is probably the most dangerous and powerful potion in this room — oh yes,” he said, nodding gravely at Malfoy and Nott, both of whom were smirking skeptically. “When you have seen as much of life as I have, you will not underestimate the power of obsessive love. . . .

(HBP, page 186)

The final quote I have about Theo is from the same potions class as above. Both he and Draco are portrayed here as underestimating amortentia and its potential damage. It makes sense for their upbringing in the Wizarding World, which has no real laws or regulations regarding love potions that are seen as harmless fun more often than not.

I'll add Theo likely didn't witness a healthy romantic relationship. Considering his father is a Death Eater who is likely abusive and may or may not have killed his mother. With this as his reference to a marriage, it's clear why he'd look down on love and love potions.

Why I think Theo and Harry have potential

Okay, so now that we know who Theodore Nott is, let's talk about why I ship him with Harry.

I think Harry, in general, would get along best with a clever partner with the ability to be ruthless (Slytherins or Ron fall into this category). Because Harry isn't some golden savior; he casts unforgivables, and is very willing to poison Umbridge or Crocio Snape if he could get away with it. He needs a partner that won't be horrified by these thoughts.

Also, Theo literally never speaks on page. Even when spoken to, his reactions are silent. I think this quiet and no need to talk, the ability to be comfortable in silence, is something that would be comfortable for Harry. Harry in the books finds himself annoyed with Ron and Hermione's constant banter on occasion, so I think it fits well.

Theo would also be comfortable around Harry without a need to play a certain part. Because Harry wouldn't care about that. He would honestly rather Theo forgo the pure-blood Slytherin act.

I feel like Harry and Theo, have a good potential to understand each other. Theo lost his mother and likely experiences abuse from his father. It makes them very likely to trauma bond over their crap life and shared experience. Two out of three only ones who could see the Thestrals in the entire class.

The other thing I feel they could connect over is being lonely. Harry spent all his childhood until Hogwarts basically being on his own. Theo stayed on his own. Draco at least has his parents, he has other students he's closer to, not that he shares everything with them, but he has some support network. Theo has none. And this is something Harry knows well.

Theo, I think, wouldn't expect anything specific from Harry. He doesn't even interact with him, not to mock him, and not to idolize him, he doesn't care at all. And we know how much Harry appreciates being thought of as Harry and not as the Boy-Who-Lived. Theo would allow Harry to be himself without some mold he wants him to fit in.

The fact Theo never becomes a Death Eater, even though he was in Draco's year and his father was a Death Eater before Lucius (and in better standing than Lucius with Voldemort) is so interesting. It's somewhat surprising Theo wasn't marked. It means he didn't want to be. It means that Theo Nott didn't want to torture and kill muggleborns or blood traitors, or anyone really. And he didn't want to swear his allegiance to Voldemort. This is just a fascinating fact to me and something I enjoy considering. What life experience made him come to that conclusion? Was it just his dislike of his father that pushed him away? Could he have been another Sirius Black (Gryffindor in a Slytherin family) under slightly different circumstances? I mean, Voldemort likely wouldn't force him to become a Death Eater, but would his father? I don't know what at all went down there, but I like that potential story.

We also know he wasn't part of Umbridge's Inquisitorial Squad, even though some minor Slytherins were mentioned to be part of it. He just seems to be an actually decent guy (I don't care what Cursed Child says about him, I know he's there but I avoided almost anything to do with Cursed Child so I barely know the plot).

Finally, this is a character Harry doesn't have as much drama to get over with. Yes, sometimes I want to read overcoming drama between characters before it becomes a romance, but sometimes I want something chiller than that. And Theo is a really chill, safe, Slytherin option for Harry.

[fullscoreshenanigans]

#Emma is genuinely terrifying #Shirai said that it would be dangerous for someone like her to exist in the real world #he’s right ya know #like looking at that manga panel makes me shiver #there are so many moments like that throughout #I mean #Ray was scary for literally five seconds and then suddenly everyone’s safer when he’s around #Norman is waaaaay scarier than Ray but not in a way that gives you chills? #like he scares my brain but not my nerves #Emma triggers my fight or flight instinct (via @esthelle-wanders)

Look at me straight in the eyes and tell me that’s a face of someone who’s ok

[froginabogg]

tit tour gagged counter:

cutting off good luck babe after the first chorus and starting their intro announcement, this was the beginning of the end, i've never been more gagged in my life

the reveal of the first phedroom diorama

taylor barbie and ariana banana passing the bechdel test

the entire tour bus segment jesus motherfucking christ i'm still not over that one really

"were they married in japan??? let's ignore if gay marriage is even legal there" SCALPED!!! SCALPED !!!

calling phil a precious baby angel live on stage

the entire boxing match thing, that cunty intro video, the closeup camera following them, phil's silicone chest, yelling cunt live on the mother stage, "scared of my life without you", fucking put me on life support i think i'm gonna pass out

PHIL WATchiNG SUBWAY SURFERS AS DAN RANTS ABOUT INTERNET AND PARASOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS AND PRIVACY FUCKING GO OFF KING

the capitalester norman lore merch socks reveal, iconic

everything about Her

"fifteen years in december" i'm gonna throw UP

father philip leaning back real far and giving the entire front row a view straight into his shorts, filth absolute filth

i was already gagged when the metallic blue uke came out, i just about died when dan got down on one knee, but then he smashed it and they brought out the boyband choreo?? which dan fucking served on a silver platter by the fucking way

the tit grab,,, the tit grab,,,

rave time at the end

the way all of our signs went up all at once i'm fucking sobbing i love them i love the phans

[rogersandclarke]

mutual 1: see the thing about obi wan is that even if he could get pregnant he would do a force-abortion on himself because he believes that strongly in adoption

mutual 2: do you think matt damon was seething and coping when j-lo dropped "dear ben" or do you think matt and ben were still hooking up at this time? essentially if the album dropped in 2002, the bennifer engagement is nov 2002-january 2004, and matt gets married in 2005,

mutual 3: my ebay bidding war for paul reubens's spit in a jar is going really well due to the psychic attacks i've been sending to the other bidder

mutual 4: local authorities wont let me into this abandoned hoarder house in rural wyoming. dies horribly. #i love drunk driving

mutual 5: listen ive studied rpf for years you dont understand. the homoerotic undercurrent of britpop is a different breed than what george and bob had going on. theres a playful aura facilitated by the early 90s

mutual 6: i am going to pound philip seymour hoffman into the ground so lovingly

mutual 7: im doing crazy things to davy jones pussy over here

mutual 8: thinking of writing my thesis on the evolution of rpf #no don't look at my lb diary yes i watched 10 martin & lewis movies this week

mutual 9: you see robbie and bob were having on and off trysts ever since robbie stopped him from killing himself in 1966 but it took martin scorseses tender devotion to show robbie how unhealthy that was

mutual 10: thankfully neil young started estrogen in early 1970. otherwise she never couldve made harvest

mutual 11: how minutes of semi-truck sound effects do you guys think i can play on my radio show before people start tuning away

mutual 12: put this post underwater sorry. but i just feel so angry when people post about their mutuals like they're people they never talk to. i've moved to different countries three times for my mutuals.

mutual 13: [picture of orson welles and anthony perkins laughing on the set of the trial] do you think they ever fucked #hot! #who said that

mutual 14: i think i could fix norman bates if we got married and adopted the eraserhead baby together.

mutual 15: [picture of a computer fucking itself]

mutual 16: m sooooo girl drink drunk daveeeeee

mutual 17: eroticism of the machine? uhhh yeah only if the machine is a sexy car #STOP PUTTING THOSE COMPUTER PICTURES ON MY DASH

mutual 18: my warriors in maine are one step closer to slipping cocaine back into stephen kings food so he can be a good writer again

mutual 19: you don't understand. walton goggins isn't just gay in the show. he also walks gay in real life. you have to understand this.

mutual 20: im going to kidnap mike stoklasa and only release him when he makes a post coming out as bisexual

EDIT: ETHAN LET ME POST THIS: mutual 21: do you think lana del rey and joan baez are hooking up. why is lana with her everywhere and introducing her documentary and doing all these things. we KNOW joan is bisexual. do you think

[fullscoreshenanigans]

I wonder how much time Chris has been in coma. He was hit at the head by a bullet but his brain was spared (if i remember, they said that the wound is only exterior) (which is good, i'm not sure they could have done anything if the wound had been actually deep and touched the brain, Chris would have died)

but he has been unconscious for a long time and had still crutches when they find Emma.

So it mean that his awakening was "recent" if he still needed crutches (so reeducation).

How severe was his wound? for how much time was he in coma?

Have you theories about it?

Fun fact: Chris was originally supposed to wake up during the Seven Walls arc.

(Mystic Code Book Chapter 5)

But yeah after they arrive at the paradise hideout his condition is "conveniently stable" so Shirai could utilize it to facilitate more drama if he needed to or just keep it as is, and he ended up going with the latter.

(Chapter 126 | Mystic Code Book Chapter 7 Series Timeline)

We don't know the exact date he was shot, but he spent roughly half of October 2047 and at least thirteen days of November 2047 comatose.

After that, it's arbitrary, even if one wants to be canon compliant.

If you want it to take a while for him to wake up, the explanation can be Peter wasn't careful while transferring him from the paradise hideout to Grace Field headquarters, and Chris suffered brain trauma they weren't aware of until they did tests at a hospital.

If you want him to wake up shortly after they arrive in the human world, like in one of Shirai's drafts of chapter 179, you can still have his recovery span the course of months since muscle atrophy occurs rapidly.

(Mystic Code Book Chapter 6; I would have been up for this version)

(Muscle Atrophy in ICU Patients article)

You can also prolong his recovery further by introducing a psychosomatic component. In addition to the physical harm that befell him, the mental trauma of the bunker raid resulted in a combination of him not waking up for however long one wishes to keep him in a coma and possibly hampered his physical therapy for months to over a year even after working to rebuild all the strength he lost.

There are a lot of ways you can adapt it to fit within the phrasing presented by the kids when explaining their trip to Emma in the epilogue:

"Able to walk again" meaning it did take him some time, although we never see him using crutches like Dominic or Sonya.

(Chapter 126 | Chapter 157 Bonus Sketch | Chapter 98)

Also it's never focused on, but Sonya uses a cane like her dad post-timeskip.

(Chapter 104 | Chapter 106 | Chapter 111)

[prttygirlposts]

mapping out malfoy manor while reviewing the Malfoy legacy !!

front exterior

Fun fact! The iconic shots of Malfoy Manor from the Deathly Hallow movies were actually shots of the real Hardwick Hall in Chesterfield, England. While this could not be the real home of the Malfoys, that is due to location rather than sociability.

Considering the Malfoys were still fraternizing with Muggles during the Elizabethan era (Lucius Malfoy the First was even a suitor for Queen Elizabeth the First) and that Hardwick Hall is an Elizabethan manor, the Malfoys could've bought it out. However; this isn't the case because their land is found in Wiltshire, England.

Since Hardwick Hall is the official shot of the home's exterior, I'll be using it here. Hardwick Hall is most well known for its extravagant windows. Similarly, Malfoy Manor also has these windows.

The fourth picture I have provided is not an overview of Hardwick Hall. It is actually a rendering of the description from the Deathly Hallows book: "They turned right, into a wide driveway that led off the lane. The high hedge curved with them, running off into the distance beyond the pair of impressive wrought-iron gates barring the men's way... the source of the noise proved to be nothing more than a pure-white peacock, stirring majestically along the top of the hedge."

This actually brings me to my little Malfoy theory about the peacocks. In the Goblet of Fire, during the Quidditch World Cup, the golden trio spots a tent with seven albino peacocks milling about: "Halfway up the field stood an extravagant confection of striped silk like a miniature palace, with several live peacocks tethered at the entrance." This is so clearly a Malfoy Easter egg to me, and no one talks about it. My theory is that the peacocks represent extravagance, their albino condition represents purity, and there being seven peacocks (that's an assumption on my part) is supposed to bring good fortune. Hence them being at the Cup, because Lucius was probably betting on the game.

the entrance hallway

The entrance hallway to Malfoy Manor is described in Deathly Hallows for a brief moment: "The hallway was large, dimly lit and sumptuously decorated, with a magnificent carpet covering most of the stone floor. The eyes of the pale-faced portraits on the walls followed Snape and Yaxley as they strode past. The two men halted at a heavy wooden door leading into the next room, hesitated for the space of a heartbeat, then Snape turned the bronze handle."

I actually want to take this section as an opportunity to discuss the Malfoy lineage. Mainly because this is where we see the portraits of former family members and because I imagine the decorations are actually family possessions (I think this since Lucius hid his personal artifacts in the cellar.)

I am going to go chronologically about every Malfoy we know about prior to Lucius, Narcissa, and Draco.

Armand Malfoy - He brought the Malfoy family to England in the 11th century. He came from France as a soldier in the Norman Conquests. He rose to wealth through his connections to King William the first. Armand actually did magical, shady jobs for the king. He stole the Wiltshire property that would expand into Malfoy Manor.

Nicholas Malfoy - He lived in the fourteenth century and he knocked off his muggle adversaries under the guise of the black plague. While it's implied Armand was a murderous Malfoy (with him being apart of the Norman Conquest, him doing "shady" jobs for King William, and him stealing muggle land) Nicholas is the first recorded murderous Malfoy.

Lucius Malfoy the First - He was a possible suitor for Queen Elizabeth the First. He was rumored to have jinxed her when he wasn't chosen.

Brutus Malfoy - He was an editor in the 17th century, anti-muggle periodical "Wizards at War." In the spin off book The Tales of Beedle the Bard, we actually get to see one of his pieces. He wrote, "This we may state with certainty; any wizard who shows fondness for the society of Muggles is of low intelligence, with magic so feeble and pitiful that he can only feel himself superior is surrounded by Muggle pigmen."

Septimus Malfoy - He used the Minister of Magic, Unctuous Osbert as a political pupper in the late 18th century. That relationship mimics the one Lucius and Cornelius Fudge would have many years later.

Abraxas Malfoy - Outside of the family we meet in the books, Abraxas is Malfoy we know the most about. He was Lucius Malfoy the Second's father. According to Draco in the Half-Blood Prince, he was in the slug club ( DM: "Sir, I think you knew my grandfather, Abraxas Malfoy?" HS:  "Yes. I was sorry to hear he had died, although of course it wasn't unexpected, dragon pox at his age...") We also know that he lived a fairly long life and he died of dragon pox. Most criminally, Abraxas was known for being involved in forcing the first muggle-born Magical Minister to step down early.

You might've noticed there aren't any Malfoy women mentioned. It's a shame that they don't have any descriptions. Though, with the amount of portraits mentioned, it's likely their paintings are present in the Malfoy household.

the drawing room

In Deathly Hallows there's two descriptions of the drawing room- one from the meeting where Professor Burbage is murdered and one where Harry is kidnapped by the snatchers. They go as follows:

"The drawing room was full of silent people, sitting at a long and ornate table...Illumination came from a roasting fire beneath a handsome marble mantelpiece surmounted by a gilded mirror."

"The drawing room dazzled... Harry could make out the wide proportions of the room. A crystal chandelier hung from the ceilings, more portraits against purple walls."

This brings me to the green ick I have. Everything with the Malfoys is dark green in fan media. Please guys they had a drawing room with purple walls. Also, I think it's interesting that purple was chosen. Purple is the color of royalty, so of course the Malfoys have it in their home.

Then there's this mirror. It's brought up multiple times, which leads me to think it's pretty damn noticeable. Almost like a centerpiece. Knowing the Malfoys and Lucius's interest in dark artifacts, I believe this mirror to be a magical heirloom. Mirrors are actually spiritual veils in traditional witchcraft, and in HP we see mirrors/glass be used as magical tools twice. Once with the Mirror of Erised and again with the glass the Marauders used as a communication device. It's just a headcanon, take it or leave it.

There's also a description of the marble fireplace under that mirror. When the death eaters aren't meeting, there are chairs set next to it. Apparently it's big enough to illuminate the entire drawing room when lit. Actually, it's big enough for Lucius to be stupefied into the hearth. This leads me to believe the drawing room used to be a lot cozier. Which makes sense, considering how much schmoozing this family does. A drawing room is where you entertain guests, and if you want the Minister to be in your pocket you want the drawing room to be comfortable. In conclusion, this drawing room was nice before Voldemort over took it.

Finally, I included a picture of a pine organ because I swear I read something about one being featured in the drawing room. I can't find it, but I know I saw someone say that. I'm still including it, because it makes perfect sense to me. Like yeah, these people have a pine wood, pipe organ.

Narcissa's bedroom

These three bedrooms are a complete, self-indulgent headcanon intermission, but I will include fun facts about the characters.

Narcissa- the queen- is up first. I do think Lucius and Narcissa have their own rooms. I mean they were an arranged marriage, neither of them slept well (due to the first war), and they seem like two people who need their space.

Narcissa's room would be a cross between who she was as the youngest Black sister (star themes, moody lights, and fancy mirrors) and who she is now as the Malfoy queen (feminine colors, indulgent decorations, and luxurious furniture.)

I do think the Malfoys are a mirror to the Blacks. They are both extremely powerful families, but they go about it differently. The Black family is strict- hardened by centuries of discipline. Every action must align with their motto, "always pure." Meanwhile, the Malfoy family motto is, "purity will always conquer." Malfoy's are less strict because they have the mindset that they'll come out on top no matter what. Narcissa is brought to a strange intersection: continue to survive or begin to live. You can see that in her bedroom.

The room is always filled with flowers/candy because Lucius's love language is gift giving.

She keeps Draco's baby pictures in golden, floral frames on her vanity. It embarreses him terribly.

She has a piano in her room. The pine organ in the drawing room is actually for her. She's a very skilled musician and loves to play.

Sirius took the enchanted, communication mirror idea from his cousins. It makes sense the Black Sisters would find a way to speak to one another when Bella went to Hogwarts. Narcissa has a compact mirror (with a narcissus flower on it) that used to be a communication device. She keeps it in her nightstand drawers. On harsh days, she opens it and hopes she'll catch a glance of Andromeda.

Lucius's bedroom

I'll save my Lucius/bird metaphor ramble for another post, but his room is filled with bird motifs.

His room is surprisingly simple compared to the rest of the Manor. He has a smaller bed, coffee mugs/shot glasses laying about, and books falling off their shelves.

Part of it is rebellion and another part of it is entitlement. His room is simple as a stark rebellion against his forefathers. He's not brave enough to give up all his riches, but those riches bar him from individuality. Lucius will never be his own person: just another blonde snake. So, his room abstains from the typical Malfoy luxury. Then, it's always a wreck because he assumes someone will clean up behind him (poor Dobby).

Contrary to popular belief, I do think Lucius was a loving father. He definitely wasn't a perfect father, but he did love Draco. So, I think his room is filled with presents from Draco and pictures of him.

He's also the type of parent who keeps all of Draco's achievements in files. Best junior seeker certificate from summer camp? Yeah he's got it on standby.

His windows are open- no matter the weather. Closed windows make him feel claustrophobic. He only closes the windows when he sleeps.

He also closes the curtains when he sleeps. He's a bit paranoid. He's got a lot of enemies.

Boring ministry paperwork is everywhere. Not only do his superiors pay him to commit shady crimes, they also pay him to do their paperwork. He hates it. He'd rather be black mailing a political figure.

Draco's bedroom

Draco's bedroom has really cool dragon wallpaper. Get it? Draco is latin for dragon (under-rated symbol for him).

I do think his favorite color is green. His room is covered in dark greens. He thinks it makes him look more refined.

That's also why there are no posters on his wall. He used to have quidditch posters all over his room, but Pansy made fun of them. Now, if he puts something on his walls, it's displayed on a shelf or it's framed. It's also always something he can brag about too- like a trophy or signed quaffle.

Malfoy Manor is the hangout house, so Draco keeps food in his room. There's a bowl of apples on his dresser, a jar of sweets on his nightstand, and an enchanted cabinet that acts as a mini fridge for butterbeer. All of this storage becomes handy when the death eaters take over the manor. He doesn't have to leave his room as much.

Additionally there is a bathroom connected to his room.

You're telling me this rich kid came out this dramatically and doesn't have a balcony to sit at? You're wrong. The balcony is also where he and Pansy gossip. Many rumors were planned up there.

SImilar to Narcissa, his room is also filled with presents. His lean more towards clothes and colognes though. Lucius just loves buying stuff.

I want to emphasize how spoiled he is, so Draco has a fireplace. However; he didn't originally have a fireplace. He wanted one when he was twelve. He mentioned it during winter break. By summer break, there was a fully functional fireplace in his bedroom. He adored it, by the way.

the gardens

Alright, headcanons are over. Kinda? We know there is a large garden surrounding Malfoy Manor, but we don't know a lot about its contents.

We can assume this is where the peacocks reside. There is probably a small barn/coop for them.

To go into full imagination territory, I also think there are more birds in this garden. I mean beautiful quails and swans- just to exaggerate their wealth.

I am going to say there is a small apple orchard in the gardens. I mean Draco always has one in the films, so I'm guessing they have some significance to the family. Maybe a fruit of knowledge situation? Regardless, I think Draco always has a full supply, because he gets sent apples from the garden.

The Malfoys clearly have a thing for collecting artifacts. I don't think the garden is excluded from that. Perhaps a lot of statues of former Malfoys (particularly the women/children, which I'll explain in a later post).

This is a headcanon I will not budge on. The Malfoys have a family cemetery deep in the garden. I mean it's a while away, and it's hidden. It is a very off-putting place and a breeding ground for dark magic.

Okay, time for my favorite fun fact. Are you ready? There was going to be a scene of Draco and Theodore Nott talking in the Malfoy gardens, but it got cut.

This is from a post on JK's old website (It's okay! She can't hurt you on this blog! It's just a source!): "However, in this scene Theodore's father (the same Nott who was badly injured in the closing chapters of 'Order of the Phoenix') goes to visit Lucius Malfoy to discuss Voldemort-related business and we see Draco and Theodore alone in the garden having a talk of their own. I really liked the scene, firstly because it showed the Malfoys' home, and the difference between the place where Draco has grown up and number four, Privet Drive; then because we rarely see Draco talking to anybody he considers a real equal, and he is forced to see Theodore as such, because Theodore is just as pure-blooded as he is, and somewhat cleverer. Together these two Death Eaters' sons discuss Dumbledore's regime at Hogwarts and Harry Potter, with all sorts of stories that the Death Eaters tell about how this baby boy survived the Dark Lord's attack."

That is really interesting to me. There's just this whole other side of the story that happened, but we don't get to witness it. I might write it out one day.

This took forever to make. If you read all the way through, thank you. I did cut a few rooms, so I might make a part two. I was just ready to get this out into the world. Please, please reblog/comment your thoughts or headcanons. This is my favorite topic in the whole world. I am so interested in the Malfoys. Thank you again for reading!!

[monrageo]

Saw a lot of Spider-Steve art so I had to jump in. Most art modernised him but I want my 80s, mallrat, neon lights Spider-Man + I wrote his origin story. *POSES FOUND ON PINTEREST*

Also Steve looks great in the classic red and blue but I wanted him to have his own costume so yellow he shall be. Now onto my headcanons.

In a world where Hawkins is a megapolis a teen boy gets bitten by a radioactive spider in 83’ while visiting Hawkins Lab (Think less abandoned more Oscorp/Alchemax) and so it begins. He starts doing small good things around the city, experimenting with his powers.

But he isn’t thinking about being a superhero or anything close to that (I imagine the drawing with the sweats and goggles is his first “costume”). Then he gets with this amazing girl-Nancy Wheeler.

Life is looking up for Steve he’s got these weird powers that get him to be the basketball and swim team captain. He’s popular, he’s got this amazing girl that inspires him to be better and better.

He looses his popular crowd friends, he wants to be better. He starts thinking about the superhero thing and actually goes through with it. He isn’t shouting it from the rooftops but news is getting around that a guy in spandex is busting criminals- Spider-man/King Spider.

Steve gets cocky, thinks he’s on top of the world, untouchable. Then Will Byers goes missing-that’s a whole separate story. Nancy and John start their investigation. Steve gets jealous etc.

In the end a battle breaks out and Steve is unable to save one person-Barbara Holland. His girlfriend’s best friend. That of course destroys Nancy. She doesn’t know Steve is Spider-man, she seeks comfort in him but things are not the same.

There’s this whole thing with Jonathan, the obvious attraction, the compatibility. But also Steve’s guilt, his self hatred. He realises he was too blindsided by his cockiness. Barb’s death is on his hands. He breaks up with Nancy and solely focuses on being the best Spider-man he can be.

That of course costs him friends etc. but when you’ve been through what he has high school drama just seems pointless… and so King Steve falls from the throne.

I imagine the Nancy story line parallels the Gwen Stacy one in the original comics (without the death and clones), maybe Nancy even blames and hates Spider-man the way Gwen did… that also contributes to the Stancy break-up.

Perhaps Nancy becomes hyper focused on catching this Spider-man so he can be held accountable for Barb’s death.

Anyways now Steddie, I think Eddie would love Spider-man / King Spider he’s some guy with spider powers and bright spandex that helps people, super camp, Eddie would love him.

I think Steve starts noticing Eddie in a new light when his lunch table tirades now also include how awesome spider-man is. This unapologetic support makes the now loser Steve feel like it is all worth it-the stress, the pain, the loneliness-

Tough he of course knows Eddie isn’t talking about him, he’s talking about Spider-man, the hero. Not the former popular guy Steve Harrington.

I have many ideas regarding a Stranger things!Spider-verse and which characters could be what. Maybe Barb’s death was something Lizard-like, but upside down version. Like something from the lap infected her? I like the idea of Steve’s father being involved in the labs, perhaps as a Norman Osborn parallel, without becoming the Goblin though.

The goblin/Norman/Harry Osborn storyline could be reimagined with Tommy perhaps??? Then Venom with Eddie (so perfect) or Billy (a tragic end)??

[bitterkarella]

Midnight Pals: Carrie

Stephen King: check it out guys! King: they're publishing a book of essays about Carrie! King: we got richard chizmar, bentley little, mick garris, norman prentiss, tom deady, Anthony Breznican Angela Carter: are there any women involved in this King: oh yeah of course of course Carter: King:

Carter: don't you think, steve, that a collection of essays about carrie should include some womens voices King: oh of course! we've got bev vincent Carter: bev vincent is a guy King: King: what? Bev Vincent: yeah its fine, this happens all the time

King: look it's not all guys in this collection King: we also have caitlin kiernan Carter: oh really? caitlin, what do you think? Kiernan: i think that black people have a special gland in their brain that makes them do crime Carter: Carter: i meant about carrie

King: ok maybe the roster for this collection is a little guy heavy King: but, you know, maybe guys have some interesting thoughts about a story heavy on mother-daughter relationship issues and menstrual themes? Carter: King: it's possible!

Carter: ok fine, i would like to hear some of these interesting thoughts that you men have on carrie Bentley Little: did you ever think that maybe you should change the title from "Carrie" to "The Carrie?" Carter: King: King: you know what, i'll take that under advisement Carter: don't do that

King: c'mon guys don't let me down! Tell me your deep thoughts about Carrie! King: people want to know what you think of this story of a psychic teenage girl Richard Chizmar: psychic girl? wait, girls can do that? Mick Garris: whoa thats bad ass Josh Boone: this changes everything!

Chizmar: this whole time, i didn't know girls were psychic Garris: that explains why they're always setting things on fire with their minds Chizmar: yeah i was wondering about that Boone: everything makes sense now Little: guys i really think it would be better if it was "THE carrie"

Chizmar: [reading carrie] whoa whoa whoa Chizmar: what's all this menstruation stuff? Carter: [whispers in chizmar's ear] Chizmar: EVERY MONTH?!?!?! Chizmar: holy shit Chizmar: that's metal Garris: what are you talking about, i want to know too!

Garris: and blood comes out WHERE?? Carter: [whispers in garris's ear] Garris: ha ha gross! Little: this doesn't sound real, i think you're making this all up

Carter: ok so show of hands Carter: do any other men here need the concept of menstruation explained to them? Poppy Z Brite: no i think i'm clear

[inkdemonapologist]

[BatIM Cthulhu] MORE CTHULHU SCRIBBLES, this time from session 4!! Here we have, uh,

The yellow fog that's taking over New York seems to be able to hijack people and make them think they're one of the characters from the King in Yellow play. Susie DID get brainwashed but we're unclear on whether the knife-twirling skills were there already. IT JUST WOULDNT SURPRISE ME, U KNOW?

AVEDONS HERE??????? If you don't remember Avedon i dont blame you, he last showed up back in seASON 2, in NOLA, where he lost his mind and locked Sammy and Jack in his closet at gunpoint and then started shooting the host at the masquerade party. He seems a little more sane this go round but everyone decided Sammy and Jack should not be in the welcoming party. Anyway sorry NYC is like this for your visit Avedon, I promise there's usually less dread carcosa

Sammy brought Prophet out to see if he could tell whether or not Peter is THE ONE THE PHANTOM SEEKS and Prophet decided to make sure he was getting an accurate reading by smooshing his hands all over Peter's face. Don't worry about it, Peter!! It's fine. Normal Sammy Behaviour.

And if you'd like some Out of Context quotes from our session, those are under the cut!

[Sammy is played by me, Joey is played by Boo (inkyvendingmachine), Henry is played by Maf (inkcryptid), Jack is played by Mochi (whatyouwantedmetosee) and Thren (haunted-hijinxer) is our GM!]

[Sammy] *recapping* Joey tried to do some bullshit, and it, uh, made things worse! [GM] It got some attention, it seems! [Joey] EHhhhhhhhh, [Sammy] Yeah, he was doing his nonsense, and then the Phantom showed up because he was doing his nonsense -- [Joey] ehhhhhhhhhhh [Sammy] And then we hit the Phantom with Jack's car! A rational and reasonable response to the unknowable. [Jack] Joey MADE Jack hit the Phantom with his car. [Joey] EHHHHHHHHH, [Jack] Because Jack wouldn't do this on purpose. He likes his car! [Sammy] I think that's entirely reasonable. No reasonable person would have done this course of events.

[Sammy] What happens if you drive a car in Carcosa [Sammy] It's in the name, it should be a good place for cars... [Jack] It actually cancels out because there's two of them, so you just get "Cosa."

[Joey] One of the times, the Mercedes is going to be missing and it's not because of Yellow Sign stuff, it's just that someone finally stole it. [Sammy] Car gets its tires slashed, "THIS IS THE WORK OF THE YELLOW KING!!!"

[Jack] Even if it's safety glass, I feel like Jack doesn't want to sit in a bunch of glass! [Henry] Exfoliation. [Jack] ON HIS BUTT????

[Joey] Just venting about everything that has been happening, but it's clearly all this other guy's fault? [Sammy] I love Joey having no particular distinction between "annoying person who's getting in the way of me making cartoons" and "eldritch entity" - WHICH IS THE SAME THING, it's just an annoying person who's getting in the way of making cartoons! [Joey] YEAH!!

[Sammy] Jack struck me as someone who'd be a cautious driver. [GM] And he let Sammy drive his car?!

[Joey] It's taking Joey a little longer to finish his ritual, because he keeps getting angry and ranting more, [Sammy] "*draws one line* AND ANOTHER THING--!"

[GM] Avedon says you need to watch out for each other, because something's already messing with Norman -- [Joey] what, wAIT-- WHAT? [GM] --and he needs you guys to come find him, he's at this hotel, and he thinks he knows how to destroy the Phantom. [Joey] Have you called Norman? [GM] He says, "Where do you think I got this number?" And then he hangs up. [Joey] .................................................................. [Sammy/Jack/Henry] *IMMEDIATELY LOSING IT* [Jack] *still cracking up* H-how, how mad is Joey right now, [Joey] ...........................I need to look something up.

[Joey] I know way too much about, the history of phone technologies now, [Sammy] This game is educational. Nobody tells you that.

[Joey] What is up with your crazy friend?! [Norman] You're going to have to be more specific.

[Joey] Wait, DID you get a call from Avedon? [GM] Norman says that he got word from The Advisor earlier. [Jack].... Hm. [Sammy] Norman??????? [Joey] ...iS SUSIE STILL THERE, [GM] Uh, yeah! He hands over the phone. [Joey] IS SHE NORMAL????????????????? [GM] She likes to think so!

[Joey] Nobody's going to let Peter choose his own methods of communication, he just gets to RECEIVE [Sammy] Look! He was warned!!

[GM] Peter's glancing at Jack like, is this concerning? [Jack] Well Jack looks CONCERNED, but he's not concerned about this, specifically. This is refreshingly normal.

[Sammy] And the Traitor mercifully absent! [Jack] I know you said "traitor", but I heard "trader," like no that's a different AU, [Joey] Oh good. No Wandering Traders. [everyone makes villager "Hrrrm" noises] [Sammy] Prophet's ALSO murdering llamas for leads, [Jack] I mean, we could do with a lead about now! I don't know if we have any other than Avedon. [Joey] *uncontrollably giggling at this joke for the next 15 seconds* [Sammy] Oh boy, [Joey] *still giggling* iT WAS A REALLY gOOD ONE,,,

[Joey] Does Jack's car look any different to Henry? [Jack] Well there's a weird splat mark in the shape of a guy,

[Sammy] Be vigilant! His will can overtake your own. [Henry] Hm,,, you too,

[GM] Does anyone want to do a summary of where we were at? [Jack] I have an extremely short summary: [Jack] Shit's Fucked.

[Sammy] Avedon told us to meet him because THE WORLD IS IN PERIL [Sammy] which, I think it's really important to remember that Avedon is French, when you imagine him saying the word "peril." That's all.

[Sammy] It's not TOO late to visit people, but it is maybe an awkward time to-- [Jack] When has awkward timing EVER stopped this-- [Sammy] NEVER. It's never stopped us. [Henry] I think it would be weirder if we arrived at an opportune time, at this point! [Joey] It IS a great time for a snake to show up, I feel like. [Sammy] That's true. It's never a wrong time for a snake to show up, honestly.

[Joey] Enough time has passed that Joey will come out to the parking lot. [Sammy] I really thought you were gonna say "come out to the party" [Jack] Joey's coming out? [GM] *laughing* I think they already know!

[Joey] Also, Norman has started acting very weird. [Henry] How? [Joey] You know how, sometimes people start saying things, in situations like this, where they think... [Joey]...yOU KNOW HOW PROPHET DESCRIBES PEOPLE?

[Jack] I can't believe you're splitting up the boyfriends! [Jack] ...as compared to the other boyfriends, [Sammy] I feel like it's really hard to split this party without splitting up some boyfriends somewhere.

[GM] Jack doesn't want to drive and Sammy doesn't know where he's going - ✨TEAMWORK!✨ :D

[Jack] You go through all of Henry's coats and none of them are familiar, and they're all extremely stylish [Henry] That's not Carcosa, that's Joey.

[Jack] Oh no, his accent's Italian now! [Sammy] That's just what happens when you come to New York.

[GM] Make a sanity check. [Henry] For looking at a clarinet???

[Henry] Henry is... maybe taking a closer look out the window. [Sammy] I support him. I'm not there, but I support him-- [Henry] Then, yeah, I'm gonna say he's doing that! [Sammy] --from afar, where I suffer no consequences.

[Henry] Henry has his hand on his gun. [Henry] ...he knows that he can't, like, SHOOT CARCOSA, but, [Jack] Carcosa's haunted.

[Joey] I actually succeeded the luck check! [Sammy] Congratulations, that's a feat for Joey! [Jack] It's his natural talent.

[Henry] I wish I had the words to describe the face Henry is making. [Henry] If Scared and Defeated had a baby.

[GM] Avedon turns around, looking wild-eyed behind his glasses, and says, because he is the master of smart things, "We need to get out of here!" [Joey] NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!

[GM] In fact, you think you hear conspiratorial whispering in the distance! [Henry] But our conspiratorial whisperer is accounted for...

[Joey] Joey's just going to march up behind them and ask what's going on. [GM] They are both going to jump to their feet, and bow, actually, [Sammy] Um. [Jack] Hmmmm. [Sammy] UM. [GM] and say, "we were just dealing with matters of State, Your Highness." [Joey] [Joey] *quiet giggling* [Jack] Oh no. [Sammy] Joey doesn't need this. Joey doesn't need this. [Jack] His ego's already so big!!

[Sammy] You're going to open the door and the Phantom's gonna be standing there. [Henry] "Want some weed?"

[Joey] Avedon can stay with Norman. They're friends. [Sammy] I don't-- we'll see how Norman is. [Joey] I mean, I don't think, no matter what, that Norman can be weirder than Avedon?

[GM] You can make a psychology roll, if you want! [Sammy] OKAY, we'll see, I'm not holding out a lot of hope on Sammy getting this-- [Sammy] *rolls* ....WELL. That is... an extreme success. I rolled a TWO. [Jack] Are we sure SAMMY hasn't been replaced? [Joey] Has Shazz been replaced? [Jack] Have Shazz's dice been replaced????

[Jack] Jack is probably trying to get... any.... information out of Norman, [Sammy] Sorry, I left you the hard mode one. [Joey] Kiss him!!