#think Darcy might be autistic

[thatonemouseykid]

I’m reading Most Ardently by Gabe Cole Novoa right now, which is a retelling of Pride and Prejudice where ‘Elizabeth’ is a closeted trans boy called Oliver, and it’s really interesting as a (recently outed, formerly closeted) trans guy to read his internal monologue in third person. There’s a lot of affirmation in it, because in real life you don’t have to gender yourself in your head so much which is why I think a lot of trans people accidentally misgender themselves sometimes. Because of the way it’s written, you have a lot of him being treated and referred to as a girl, but it’s always undercut by that narrative voice gendering him correctly.

[llycaons]

there's this quote from colin firth where he says the darcy is just terribly shy and he's not the only one who tries to downplay or soften darcy's dickishness which actually annoys me a lot bc he may be a private person and slightly socially uncomfortable with strangers but the fucking book is called PRIDE and prejudice he did legitimately have unfair judgements and classist assumptions and internal biases to confront and reassess which he openly admits to in the final few chapters and though which his development is EXTREMELY significant to the romance. like I get wanting a character you like to be more sympathetic but what's the fucking point of conflict if nobody needs to grow or change as a person. where is the satisfaction! elizabeth changed him as a person she had such a massive impact on him and you're just going to ignore that and pretend it was just like, social anxiety?????

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Pandora Paradox

Summary: Bloom learns that her girlfriend might be autistic when she asks about her favorite movies. 

AN: Bestowing autism upon Icy because I have autism. apologies if thus one isn't as quality as some of my other fics I typed it on my phone at an airport after pulling an all nighters. Whoops, no braincells.

Will post this on Ao3 when I am not on my phone.

Icy likes to sit on the left side which is a fine enough arrangement because Bloom preferes the right. She had tried to mix things up once and Icy had left the restaurant; Bloom supposes that she should have known that, “Bloom if you don’t let me sit in that spot right now, I will walk home” was not a bluff. Icy has always been pretty damn stubborn.

And so Bloom takes her spot on the sofa’s right cushion. She imagines that Icy will be even more particular now that they are in her apartment.

There is a lot to look at here; the walls are covered in horror movie and band posters. She recognizes some of the movies but almost none of the bands. There are figurines to match those movie posters and a pretty dark blue guitar that Bloom isn’t sure Icy can actually play as well as lots of ice sculptures, decorative skulls, and incense burners. There are other trinkets too; bones, old looking keys, mini-cauldrons, what appears to be a handmade broom, and a few crystals that may or may not be authentic. 

“Hey so, it’s kind of cold in here.” She remarks of the temperature.

Icy nods. “As it should be.” 

Bloom blinks. Icy stares back. Bloom coughs. Icy stares. “Um…?”

“Yeah?”

“I said that it’s cold in here.”

“And I replied that that’s how it should be.” Icy nods and takes her spot on the sofa. 

“I was hoping that you could get me a blanket or something. You do have blankets for guests, right?” Why does Bloom get the sense that she does not? Probably because witches aren’t exactly known for their hospitality. 

“I have blankets for Darcy and Stormy.”

“Can I borrow one?”

Icy shrugs. “At your own peril.” 

“I’ll take the risk.” Bloom decides. 

Icy gets up and tosses her a blanket. If the storm clouds with the angry faces on them are anything to go by, this one belongs to Stormy. She sits back down and pulls out her phone. Usually she texts Darcy and Stormy, sometimes she plays games. The sort of games that have plenty of blood and parental advisory warnings. Bloom tells her about her day and inquires about hers. Icy doesn’t even pretend to be invested in Bloom’s story and replies simply that her day was ‘uneventful’ and ‘pretty boring’. 

“Well are you enjoying the weather? Winter is almost here.”

Icy nods. “I guess. Yeah it’s fine.” 

Bloom sighs. She swears that, somehow, Icy was a lot easier to communicate with when they were taunting and insulting each other across any given battlefield. She is starting to think that the witch doesn’t know how to communicate in any other way. Small talk seems to agitate her but how else are they supposed to get to know each other?

A lot of the time Bloom wonders how she’d managed to start a relationship with Icy when she doesn’t make conversation easy. She thinks that it is nothing short of a miracle that the two of them have made it three months now. 

“Soooo-o…what movie is that poster for? It looks interesting.” 

Icy looks up from her phone to see where Bloom is pointing. 

For the first time in about a week the witch’s eyes light up. “Oh that. That’s a limited edition print of the third unreleased poster for the first Thorn Noose movie. It was the image that they were originally going to use for the 1992 release but they scrapped it for the version of the photo where the noose is simply hanging in the background rather than around Sybilla’s neck. It is signed by several of the actresses, including Sybilla’s, and the film director.”

“That sounds like it was hard to come by.”

Icy nods. “Darcy, Stormy and I spent the night at the theater so that we could be first in line on the premiere date. The first thirteen people in line got to meet the cast and some crew members. I have the meet and greet photos, they’re in that album on top of the decorative box. The one between the two rows of DVDs. It’s a prop box from the Pandora Paradox franchise.” 

Bloom nods along. “And what’s that movie about?’

“Thorn Noose or Pandora Paradox?” She doesn’t wait for an answer. “Thorn Noose is about a woman who was hung using a thorny vine. She was killed after being falsely accused of murdering her own children. She haunts the forest that she was murdered in. She usually takes the form of a raven.” She pauses. “The Pandora Paradox franchise is a bit more complicated. It’s more of a psychological horror film. One of those where you have to pay attention to every single detail and moment or else you will be completely lost. It’s sort of like…” She hums to herself. “We should watch it today. This is a movie that can’t be explained it has to be watched.”

She makes her way around the room, pointing at poster after poster and sharing how she had acquired the poster and what movie or band it is for. The largest band poster is, apparently, a band that had made the soundtrack for a movie called ‘Dread Knot.’ The movie had been named after the band too.

And that’s how Icy is sometimes—grumpy and untalkative until the correct topic is brought up. Bloom doesn’t mind letting her ramble. Not at all, it is rather charming really. Even if Bloom struggles to get a word in, it is rather nice to see Icy in a more chipper mood. 

She pulls a prop dagger off of the wall and lets Bloom hold it. And she lets Bloom look through her CD collection. 

At least now Bloom has a good idea of how to make conversation with her. It’s a start but she would like to be able to talk about their days and silly things like favorite foods and colors. For the time being she continues to ask Icy questions about each movie and band. She probably won’t remember all of it, but she can’t imagine that Icy would have a problem talking about it again. She has a whole lot of opinions about a whole lot of characters and about which sequels were necessary and which ones were just awful. 

It is, Bloom decides to herself, rather precious. She will never say it out loud, lest Icy never show enthusiasm about anything ever again. Regardless, it is up there on her list of things that are kind of cute.

And then they are watching Pandora Paradox and Bloom, despite giving it very intense and undivided attention, has no idea what is going on. Which is fine by Icy who rather enthusiastically takes her through every plotpoint until Bloom, after several yawns and a few glances at the bedroom door, mentions that she is getting sleepy. 

.oOo.

Sometimes she lies awake and overthinks things. It is fairly easy to do. The day had gone well enough. But she thinks that she has gone overboard again. She doesn’t particularly like bringing people over to her apartment because her apartment is comfy. And when she gets comfortable she lets her guard down. And when she lets her guard down her facade starts to crumble. She has worked rather hard to build it up. It is fairly effortless to keep it in place, usually a good glower coupled with a standoffish demeanor does the trick but Bloom has gotten used to that demeanor and tends to just ignore it. She takes disgruntled and aggressive expressions as some sort of challenge. 

The fairy in question is snoring quite loudly next to her and Icy finds herself gritting her teeth. It is such an ugly, grating sound.

Icy rubs her hands over her face. Just as she is about to give the fairy a good jab Bloom's eyelids flutter and she stretches her arms. “You're still awake?”

“You snore really loudly.” Icy mutters. But that isn't the only thing that keeps her awake tonight. 

“You could try a silencing spell.”

“Yeah.”

She casts it less for the sake of ceasing the snoring and more for the sake of evading the questions that Bloom comes to ask the next morning. 

The interrogation begins innocently enough. With a batting of her lashes and a. “why don’t you talk about the things that you enjoy more often?”

Because once she starts, she usually never stops and people at Cloud Tower don’t take kindly to that. She only gets away with it when she slips up because she has the right interests this time around.

Icy shrugs.

“I hear witches talk about things they like all the time.”

B“Yes well…” They don't talk the way that she does. 

“Well what?”

She offers only another shrug.

“You are really mysterious all the time and  for no reason.”

“I have a perfectly good reason.” It is the reason that she has had for as she can remember. Mysterious is cool. It is dark and alluring. 

It keeps her safe.

A nice little mask to cover all of those traits that witches torment fairies and nerdier witches over.

“And what's that?” Bloom tilts her head.

She really ought to tell her the truth. But she hasn't even managed to admit it to Darcy and Stormy. 

To herself even.

“Are you actually secretly a really nice person?”

Icy scoffs. “Don't be ridiculous! I am not a nice person.”

Bloom hums, “if you say so.”

“If you're not a nice person then what are you?”

Icy gives a slight grimace. Sometimes she does feel like a what rather than a who. Sometimes she hates the human body and all of the sensations it comes with.

Sometimes she feels like a witch's body doesn't suit her at all. But she is nit like Mirta, she is no fairy. She is no specialist either. They are all human in shape. Sometimes she feels like a void or a black hole swirling with snowflakes. Sometimes she thinks that that form would better match whatever she has going on in her mind.

That thing that she tries so hard to keep in her head.

That thing that comes out when she gets too comfortable.

Bloom's face falls. “Careless question?”

“Maybe.” 

.oOo.

Getting her to talk is damn near impossible. Bloom supposes that she shouldn't be surprised, Icy isn't exactly forthcoming, especially about things that embarrass her. 

And Bloom can always tell when she is uncomfortable; she stops looking at her, starts tapping around on her phone instead. 

“You're hiding something from me.”

It isn't a question.

“Yes.” Icy replies simply. She frowns slightly and mutters, “from everyone.”

“Everyone?”

Icy twirls her hair around her pointer. She likes to do this, usually when she is bored. Sometimes she braids and I braids her hair just to braid it again.

“Well what is it? Why aren't you telling it to anyone?”

“Because it…I need people to see me as I like to be seen. I don't need you looking at me differently.”

“You stole my magic and tried to very aggressively take over Magix. I don't think that anything you can tell me will change the way I see you.”

“Actually it will.”

“Icy, I've seen Stella stuffing her bra with pillowcases. I don't look at her differently.”

This does not draw the laugh that Bloom had been hoping for. Instead she swears that she sees the witch bite lower lip.

“I'm autistic…” she puts a greater effort into staring at her phone screen. She looks up for a moment. “You don’t look surprised.”

 

“Because I'm not.” She shrugs. “You have this sort of energy. Musa would call it a vibe.”

“A vibe?”

Bloom nods. “I've never met anyone like you before. It's kind of refreshing…even if I do have to put up without particular eating and sleeping habits and I suppose I will give you a pass on you offensive dislike of cheese pizza.”

“Right. Well, most people don't find it refreshing they find it aggravating and ridiculous.” Icy folds her arms.

“So what? You just act aloof, mysterious, and mean to keep people from judging you?”

Icys face seems to falling Bloom cringes. She had always imagine there would be at least a slight sense of triumph in hurting the witch’s pride but the look on her face blows away the last lingering embers of resentment that Bloom had for her.

“I get it…” Bloom mumbles. “It's easier to do the judging and mocking than to be on the receiving end.” She pauses. “Well I guess that I don't get it because I kind of always let people say what they wanted to me. I would tell them to leave me alone and stuff but that never worked.”

“Yeah.” Icy mutters. She is quiet for a good while before confessing, “I used to be pretty open about it…the autism thing.”

“But then…”

“People are assholes so…” she shrugs 

“You became the asshole.”

“I prefer ‘bitch’ but ‘asshole’ works too.”

Bloom breathes a small sigh of relief. There's the sassy, sparky Icy she is so fond of. “You don't have to do that around me though. Or Darcy and Stormy for that matter.”

.oOo.

Icy swallows.

It does sound nice.

To be herself without so much polishing and refining.

Without so many restraints.

She hasn't had that in so long. 

“I don't think that Darcy and Stormy will take so well to that.”

Bloom quirks a brow. “Well I think that Darcy and Stormy have known you so long that they've already figured it out and they just don't want to make it weird.”

“Glad that you have no such restraints.” 

“You should be!” The fairy declares boldly. “It's liberating. Soon you'll have no problem being all kinds if dorky and…”

“Now your pushing it, pixie.”

Bloom raises her hands. “Or you can continue being g a super grumpy menace to society that is too cool for activities like roller disco.”

“Roller disco?”

“Slap on a pair of roller skates, dress in your favorite brightly colored nylon attire, and skate around a roller rink.”

“I'd rather let Clout Tower students take a guided tour of my apartment and…”

“Yes! That's right! Embrace your quirks!”

Icy sighs.

“Make Cloud Tower students pay you money to talk about your favorite subjects!”

Icy sighs again and flops back onto her mattress faces down.

“Just talk until you feel the shame vacating your body like your chance to take over Magix did!”

She holds up her middle finger. Bloom takes her hand and gives her finger a little kiss. 

“Or I can just be so whacky and unpredictable that nobody even pays attention to your bitterly disappointing aversion to pizza.”

“Don't make me regret confiding in you, pixie. I promise that you will rue doing so.”

“You won't regret it.” Bloom smiles in earnest. “This will be good for you. Trust me.”

“Maybe it will be.” She murmurs. She can’t say that she as truly tried to be unrepentantly herself. It would be nice, she thinks, to have a real sense of confidence instead of a false bravado. 

Witches are known for their quirks and oddities anyhow. She takes well to that crowd for exactly that.

She opens her mouth but ‘thank you’ sits so strangely on her tongue. Instead she says, “your advice was surprisingly unshitty today.”

“You're welcome!” Bloom pecks her on her cheek and her face flushes lightly.

[birlwrites]

I see you often have long lists of stories/books reblogged, do you have a particular favourite you’d recommend?

Also I can’t recall if you have any that are specifically disability linked but if you know if any that’d be cool to know of/have linked if you’d oblige me? I’m ideally in search of a fantasy/fiction book written almost entirely from the perspective of a blind protagonist as I think it must fascinatingly change descriptions throughout it if done well but don’t myself know of any. (And am of course happy to continue a search myself, but you appear to read/learn of a wide variety of stories so thought there was a chance you’d know about something and didn’t think it’d hurt to ask).

my current favorites are the locked tomb series (perhaps better known as gideon the ninth), the death of jane lawrence by caitlin starling, and niche/indie pick miss bennet's dragon by m verant!!

(the latter is the first in a series called jane austen fantasy - if you've ever thought 'jane austen books don't have enough dragons' or 'i think elizabeth bennet could have kicked napoleon's ass' or 'i think mary bennet is an autistic lesbian who should fall in love with georgiana darcy', THESE ARE THE BOOKS FOR YOU. mary is my favorite character hands down i adore her i'd die for her she's so COOL)

also striiiictly speaking i have not actually read this yet but i recently received my copy of the same stars by dori lumpkin (published by @archiveoftheodd whose stuff is so cool that i've even gone to the lengths of telling my not-even-remotely-on-tumblr roommate about them), and i'm SUPER excited to read it, so there's that too!!

i do also often rb those lists so that future me has something to look at - my #other people's writing tag is a reference for me as much as it is one for other people aghslgkjsfd. i have not read everything that i reblog, but i like to reblog when something intrigues me, since if it intrigues me it's reasonably likely to intrigue some of the people who follow me as well. plus word of mouth is basically the only way to get things off the ground on tumblr and i want to support fellow authors and small presses

re a book written from the perspective of a blind protagonist, i don't know of any off the top of my head but @thedisabilitybookarchive might have some!

[mr-gallows]

Leon Kennedy headcanons: Romantic Relationships

Reposting because tumblr ate it. Based on RE4 Remake Leon.

I said in a previous post that RE4 Remake Leon reminded me a little of Mr. Darcy. With his crush, he’d be more quiet than usual. Unsure of how to act on feelings (or if he should) and worried how his crush would react. Being slightly curt with his crush. Trying to sneak some stares and looking away just as he’s about to get caught. They would be certain that he dislikes them, when he’s really just nervous. They would never guess he had a crush on them  because he’d seem so distant. But he would do some nice things behind the scenes. Overhear you saying you need to buy some trivial thing, you come back the next day and it’s on your desk. Stiffly suggests going out together, but just casually, of course. It’s not like he likes you or anything. Puts on a serious face and asks if you’d like to get coffee:

This is exactly the face he makes when he asks. This is a very serious situation. “Coffee. Would you join me for some?”

(RE2 Leon would have handled it differently. Still shy and awkward, but definitely less businesslike. More prone to blushing and chuckling nervously. “I was..um...wondering if you’d like to get some coffee. Sometime. Anytime-uh..”)

Now I think this cold/distant approach I’m describing is something that happens if Leon is actually romantically interested in someone. If he’s just looking to fuck he’s more suave and flirtatious. So if he has a one-night stand that turns into something more, his partner is going to be in a very awkward situation while he figures his shit out. He doesn’t seem like a romantic person, but the want for romance is definitely there. He’s just very pragmatic and task oriented. But in his heart of hearts, he wants something deep and intimate; a melding of two souls. He just doesn’t really indulge in those feelings because he thinks it won’t happen for him.

If someone gives him a very heartfelt and sincere compliment, he doesn’t really know what to do. He gets flustered internally and it doesn’t compute. Just kind of goes blank. That, or he laughs it off. Did they really just say that? Do I need to get my hearing checked? When pursuing women, he’s definitely got an urge to be gentlemanly. It can come off as a little traditional. He’s definitely egalitarian in his beliefs, he just falls back on convention with dating, ie: paying for dinner, giving his date his coat if she gets cold, etc. When pursuing men, that’s where he’s out of his element. In my headcanon, Leon didn’t accept he was into men until he was an adult. With women, he falls back on the conventions of dating, but with men, he has to rethink it. Do we split the bill? Do I pay? Does he pay? It’s easier for men to make him blush as well. When pursuing enbys, he’d be more careful and anxious. He’d probably still unconsciously take up a masculine role, but he’d ask a lot more about how they’d prefer he act. He doesn’t want them to be uncomfortable around him. Pays careful attention to how they want to present one day to the next if they’re fluid. (God damn it I want a fic of Leon finding out his crush is non-binary lol) Leon might take a little time learning to work with neurodivergent partners, but once he learns what they need, he’s very patient, understanding, and attentive to their needs. (sidenote: I adore autistic Leon headcanons)

Ends up dating normie women a lot, but has a soft spot for alternative   women/men/enbys. They tend to enjoy the same music as him so he likes that. I get this feeling from Remake Leon specifically. I feel like OG Leon wouldn’t be interested in alt people that much.

Artistic types are foreign but intriguing to him because he doesn’t have a creative bone in his body. It would be so funny to see him getting with an academic nerd type? “I don’t care for this architecture. Who pairs Corinthian columns with Ogival arches?” “Yeah babe, it’s terrible.” (has no idea what they’re talking about) “Whoever is responsible must pay for this assault on my senses.” “I’ll get on that.” (sarcasm) He’s drawn to people who are intelligent and compassionate. People who are mature and capable of deeper discussion. Likes people he can learn from. Also a plus if someone can defend themselves or is willing to learn to. He doesn’t want to worry about their safety. It’s one of the main reasons he doesn’t look for a partner (for now...I’m sure there’s a breaking point. A dark sense of humor is also appreciated, though he typically makes sure to be sensitive with serious subjects himself. If you can get him to do a double take with a dark joke, he’s going to remember you. End: feel free to give feedback!

[the-master-of-space-and-time]

Well Mum let me look after myself last night!!!! She had to go to Zero and Mays prom and I was supposed to with Dad but he ended up having to go and save the Earth from Mum (at a different time) so I should have gone with Darcy but supposedly economics is happening so she was busy so I looked after myself!!!!! And I didn’t get hurt!!!!

Also mums asleep so currently she can’t really say yea or no!!!!

Does anyone know a way to get hold of dad very quickly???? Oh and does anybody know if I should make mum and dad farthers day cards or just dad because I don’t understand gender????

[mylifebeingautistic]

book review: Keedie by Elle McNicoll

Set five years before Elle McNicoll's debut A Kind of Spark, this book follows Keedie in her mission to confront the bullies in her school. The book addresses topics such as teenage popularity, standing up for what is right, and complicated relationships between siblings.

Before this book I had already read A Kind of Spark and watched its TV show adaptation, and Keedie was my favourite character of both. So I was very excited about this book from the second I first heard about it. And it didn't disappoint! This book gave me almost everything I could have wished for.

I loved getting to meet Keedie's friends, Bonnie and Angel, who are also autistic, but have different support needs to Keedie. I would have liked to have seen more of them!

Keedie's relationships with her sisters, Nina and Addie, change throughout this book. I thought their dynamics as siblings were written very well. Nina's role in the story was particularly interesting, painting a very realistic picture of what it might be like to be fourteen years old and trying to fit in.

From this point on, I will be discussing spoilers for Keedie. If you don't want to see those, stop reading here!

Firstly, I loved this scene with Keedie and Mr Allison in the library. Keedie tells Mr Allison how she didn't like the books he'd recommended to her, which were all about the main characters having an autistic sibling, rather than autistic people getting to be the heroes themselves.

"Well, I'll be on the hunt for better. The school wants more representation in the library." "Oh, there's some good stuff," I tell him. "Sherlock Holmes. Vincent Van Gogh. Mr Darcy. Jo and Beth March. Mr Dick from David Copperfield." His eyes dance with surprise. "I'm impressed. And they're all autistic?" "Sure," I say, heading for the exit. "They just don't have the paperwork."

I loved this part because it referenced some characters that I also think are autistic. Especially Beth March and Mr Darcy. I've always found them so relatable and thought they would be autistic if they were real and living in a time when they were able to express themselves and get a diagnosis. Maybe I could make another post about book characters I think are autistic. Would you find that interesting?

It crept up on us, this loss of how things used to be. People are now swept up in what other people think of them. From the choking taste of hairspray in the bathrooms to the group chats, something has shifted.

I really liked this description of the change that happens in school as you enter the teenage years. It's such a shame that it happens. Imagine how much nicer the world could be if we were all free to be ourselves, without worrying what others would think.

In the scene where Keedie speaks up for April when she is hit by the snooker ball, I liked how her differences that might be seen as a bad thing by some were useful in doing something good.

Other people have stops in their heads, like the barriers that come down to block a car from driving across train tracks. Other people keep certain words and behaviours inside, the barriers come down and they don't act. They wait. I don't have those barriers. Never have.

When Keedie confronts her sister after Nina's friends bullied Bonnie at the Founders' Day celebration, Nina says this:

"I did nothing!" Nina shouts, suddenly animated. "As usual, I did nothing wrong!"

Which I think is such an important point about how compliance and being a bystander to bullying is actually just as bad as doing the bullying itself.

"Exactly," I say coarsely. "You did nothing."

At the same time, I do feel for Nina, because I remember what it was like to be in her situation. You feel as if you have to go along with the bullies, because if you don't, they will turn on you too. And I'm glad she saw the error of her ways and apologised to Keedie at the end.

At the birthday party, this happens once again:

I silently challenge Nina with a glare. She can make all this go away. She can check her friends. She can take them somewhere else. She can stand up to them, stand up for us, for once. She can make a difference and choose not to be a bystander to her friends and their bullying tactics. But she says nothing.

I thought it was really accurate how in this scene, the type of bullying that Nina's friends use is one that might not seem like bullying to an outsider. Patronising tones, saying horrible things whilst smiling. It becomes worse later, but it is still the type of bullying that is difficult to report. Targets of bullying like this might not tell anyone because of how difficult it is to explain, or they might question whether to report at all, whether the problem is even real or if they're just overexaggerating it. I know this because it happened to me.

"Want to know the worst thing about being autistic? It's not the autism." I throw the napkin down and push back my chair. "It's people like you."

I really liked this ongoing metaphor of the North Star, as Keedie's reason to keep fighting.

If I'm a voyager of sorts, Bonnie is my North Star. I keep one eye on her at all times, no matter the state of the current, and I keep sailing towards it. She's my only North Star and that will never change.

When Keedie tries to give Angel's dad money so that Addie can go to his school, she doesn't have enough. But Angel's dad tells her:

"You be the person you needed at her age. Be her rock. Be the tree that doesn't move in the storm. You can do that, I know you can, you already are!"

I think this really influences Keedie to become the person we know in A Kind of Spark. She realises that she can't change her past, but she can change Addie's future, to make Addie's experience of growing up better than her own.

It's time to stop hunting sea monsters and start rescuing sharks. To keep gazing up at that North Star. Polaris never was just one star in the sky: it looks like a single bright light but it's made up of multiple stars.

Have you read Keedie? What did you think of it? Did you find it relatable in the same ways I did, or in different ones? Let me know in the comments!

[agirlinsearchof]

Does anyone else think Mr. Darcy might have been autistic?

He starts off the book rude and socially awkward, with the rudeness being because he's socially awkward (the other reason being that his upbringing taught him to look down on people in lower social classes like the Bennets, who themselves have not demonstrated the best social graces), but he does mean well. When Elizabeth asks him to leave him alone, he does!

And he is charmed by Elizabeth's wit and willingness to tease him... even though she hates him at the time, and when he initially proposes, he thinks his feelings are returned until Elizabeth rejects him.

Now, to be clear, you don't have to be autistic to be socially awkward or to misread another person's feelings. This is simply a fun thought exercise on my part.

[pinkytoothlesso11]

Hi Pinky

a Quiz

What made Strickler admire and fall in Love with Barbara

What made Claire falls in Love with Jim

and Darci with toby.

and a bonus one might be a bit Controversial but what's the deal with Autistic Strickler?

cuz i seen this a lot

I think the thing that made Strickler fall in love with Barbara was her strong personality, her kindness and compassion, her ability to make every coherent thought in Strickler’s head complete mush. And most importantly, she loved him for himself, for the real, troll him. (she will also not hesitate to beat him up, which he ardently admires.

Claire fell in love with Jim for his awkward, clumsy and endearing personality, after finding out he was the Trollhunter, she also fell in love with his selfless and forgiving nature, something she admits to struggle with.

I think Darci fell in love with Toby, or began to, when he didn't try and impress her and just was himself. She likes how non judging Toby is, and how he can always use humour to cool any situation.

As for the autistic! Strickler thing... That's just a headcanon me and several others have hypothesised based on Strickler’s cluelessness when it comes to actual social interactions, (like with his failed attempt at a apology to Barbara) his tendency to stim (fiddling with his pen/knives, leaning on tables) his special interests (human history, dark magic) and obsession with being clean and tidy (his outfit in human form and hair, in troll form the neatness of his claws, slicked back hair and shiny white tusks, he clearly looks after both forms).

[wanderingandfound]

Well I woke up at fucking five eighteen am so I might as well make this post while I have time.

I enjoy the feminist, queer-normative settings that fandom (at least by surface level appearances) tries to make, but with Dungeon Meshi I'm seeing people take that shallow fun fandom interpretation and then.... ignore the actual setting?

Like hetero marriage with the intention to produce offspring is a big deal here. My understanding is that Falin and Laios were both engaged as children. Chilchuck and his wife had two of their daughters before they were considered adults. In Laios's party pre-canon there was a female character there only looking for a husband, at least to Chilchuck's understanding and he's pretty decent at figuring out human motivations.

Falin is 23, tall-man maturity is 16 and life expectancy in 60. If she wasn't an adventurer (from what I can tell, it's a more disreputable field than other careers) who cares more about dungeons and her brother than societal norms, she would probably be expected to have a husband already.

People give Toshiro so much grief for proposing to her out of nowhere, and I've only finished volume nine of the manga so I don't know if this gets more detailed later, but like, they had been in the same party for a few years at this point? Like yeah, Toshiro doesn't know her as well as Marcille and Laios do, but it's clear he was trying to get to know her better. One of his frustrations with Laios is that Laios kept crashing his attempted dates with Falin!

Here's the thing, all these characters are beautifully flawed as fuck. But the disproportionate hate I've seen towards Toshiro is bad and probably racist. Toshiro is not just fantasy-Japanese, he's also nobility and racially marked as Other on the island. As such, he has so many rules for etiquette/manners/propriety he's operating under. And we have seen that he is rather quiet and withdrawn (he didn't correct anyone about what his name is, when he told his party thank you they started crying, he regrets that he didn't tell Falin how he felt even though he did propose to her suggesting that his proposal was more formal (as befitting someone of his class!!!) than emotional). You know who else is quiet? Falin. She doesn't give Toshiro an answer to his proposal, doesn't seem to talk about it with others, was ostracized in her hometown and at magic school and when Marcille took an interest in her work she decided to just show Marcille the dungeon with minimal explanation as she went, after her first resurrection Laios makes her promise not to sacrifice herself again but he doesn't say "sacrifice" he says "don't do that again" and doesn't catch her quiet protestations that she doesn't know what she did, and she promises anyways! Heck, one of the ways we know she is just as into all of this as her brother is how animated she gets when she finds out they've been eating monsters.

I'm not familiar with Japanese current and historical cultural norms and fantasy tropes. I am sure there's nuance to Toshiro's characters that I'm unaware of. But I don't think we should take Chilchuck's and Mickbell's commentary of his proposal being out of nowhere as if that's the objective truth, and not also informed by their halfling (and presumably commoner) cultural background. Like, fuck, iconic romantic lead of English literature Mr. Darcy has a lot in common with Toshiro, and at least when the latter first proposed there was no open animosity between him and the object of his affections!

Do I ship Toshiro/Falin? No, not particularly. But for a fandom that is very defensive of the autistic characters (and rightly so) I see not a lot of grace being extended to someone whose communication issues are wrapped up in Following The Rules, Not Improvising, and Staying Quiet About Your Feelings.

Anyways, my second issue with people ignoring the heteronormative aspect of the setting is people outright saying that Marcille is motivated mainly by her romantic interest in Falin. Which. I love subtext and shipping but not at the cost of the actual text! Not that sapphic love is simple, but some of the takes I've seen (and I'm talking about longer, intentional analysis, not memes) ignore the nuances we see play out on the page and how Marcille's feelings are a somewhat complicated tangle that she seems to ignore with a philosophy of "it's fine and if it isn't then I will make it fine!" Like, I ship Marcille/Falin more than any other pairing in this show, but I feel that romantic interpretations should enrich and interweave and support the other feelings that are there (fear of others dying before her, first friend, the way after Falin's first resurrection Marcille was like "oh I don't care how you've grown you're still the same little kid to me" because change is scary and time brings death and also by elven standards Marcille isn't an adult yet either). Not bulldoze and flatten the text to use generic romantic interpretations instead.

Dungeon Meshi has such beautiful and thoughtful worldbuilding. There's both fantasy racism informed by biological distinctions, and real-world racism informed by differences in appearances and culture. There's complex ecosystems both in the plants and animals and in the human (and demihuman) societies. The backgrounds of every character inform their choices. Different cultural groups have different beauty standards, and their ages (and gender presentation? not sure how much of that has been intentional and how much has been a mistranslation) are misinterpreted by people not in their group (Namari (who has presumably been around tall-men her whole life unlike Senshi who didn't know halflings were their own thing) referring to Falin, someone she has known for quite a while now, as being a teenager to forties).

Again I'm only on volume 9, but I've been told that there is a canon lesbian in the manga. And without knowing who she is, I feel like she's the exception that proves the rule? Dungeon Meshi was released 2014–2023. I'm arguing that the heteronormativity in this world is intentional, not incidental. Dungeon Meshi has a lot to say about family, including adoptive family (Kaka and Kiki, Kabru, Senshi, Thistle) and so far all the adoptive parents have either been in hetero relationships or single. I think the absence of queer relationships is intentional, and while I'm all for queering the text I am more interested in what that queerness looks like in a heteronormative setting that values marriage and children, rather than just ignoring the setting so that queerness itself is not a source of conflict.

[childeproof]

( some ) of my selfships as mlp species: a definitive list.

sources: i am autistic, i have liked mlp since i came out the womb, i have 5/6 of the main six as christmas inflatables ( i cannot find a fucking rarity one ), + lauren faust herself told me this list was swagger.

i encourage you all to do this with your selfships.

— childe & sacha ; i can only see sacha as a unicorn, but childe i can see either a changeling or kelpie ( but not rlly canon kelpie, more of a sinister style with sharp teeth and a messy / flowy main & tail ). honestly leaning towards changeling though, because ( in my opinion ) i feel like he would have a strong affinity for magic and would want to try to learn about / study / use it all the time. instead of “fight me!” it’s “let’s duel!”. and, as a magic focused changeling, i think he would use his wings a lot less, so maybe they’d be smaller in size? things 2 think about. but anyways, sacha is a unicorn born in mountréal & moves to canterlot as a famed conductor. childe is a changeling in canterlot feeding off love & doing childe stuff.

— jesse & amelia ; they are both living currently in new mexicolt ( amelia moved from the califoalnia, jesse born there ). amelia is a deer pony + unicorn bc of course she fucking is. it helped her land a lot of roles tbh. her mother is a deer ( and not the like unaware deer in the series, the actually sentient ones in the comics lol ), her dad is a pegasus. her grandma is a unicorn, her great grandma was a unicorn, so that’s why amelia is a unicorn. jesse is a pegasus & a rainbow junkie. ( /hj on the rainbow junkie bit ). i think in new mexicolt amelia wld be known as like this weird but pretty creature. jesse is like “i’ve never been with a deerpony before, haha, but we can buck, ykwim?” and amelia threatens to kick him out ( they share a cottage home ).

— carmen & jamison ; jamison is a kirin. species that literally shut themselves up for years because they were scared of their own rage? yea, that’s james. i imagine she’d be actually rlly interested in helping herself not rage. she’s silly tho & is prone to like “mini raging” due to the stress of the kitchen. she wldn’t trade it for the world, she loves cooking. sometimes a little rage is good? anyways carmen is an earth pony lol and he is built like the apples ok, he is a strong stallion. I think he & pinkie shld meet..

— george & darcy & karev ; george is an earth pony ( comes from a family of hunters / trappers but chose to be a doctor ), darcy is a batpony ( hides her wings so ponies are less scared of receiving treatment from her ), and karev is a pegasus ( has seen darcy fly once but assumed she was a pegasus too, not a batpony. became a doctor because people said he couldn’t ). they have an interesting dynamic tbh. george is the first person to warm up to darcy in the hospital ( horsespital ), darcy falls for george, karev falls for darcy— it’s very messy, and neither of the stallions know that darcy is a batpony of the night. also, i think darcy wld use slightly unusual methods & wld be pretty close to zecora tbh. darcy might even be bat zebra-pony or smth, my world my rules.

— johnny & jules ; johnny earthpony jules cyborg pegasus. already spoke abt this in a post ermm

— makoto & marcelle ; tis hard.. but i think marcelle changeling & makoto is unicorn perhapsss i dunno.. subject to change :)

— sacha & neuvillette ; sacha being a unicorn is already established, but neuvillette is also a unicorn ( he is more powerful + wields ancient unicorn magic ). unicorn4unicorn, them touching horns often together.. them being silly & doing magic together / on each other.. they go to fancy canterlot operas together & such.. cuties

— havik & izana ; izana is a super pretty heaven sent earth pony ok, she literally embodies water so ofc she’s close to the earth, earth pony. i hate how ppl think earth ponies aren’t so cool, they were nerfed but guys 😭 anyways havik is a fuckass batpony or whatever. I love him lol.

— ken & allan & keith ; ken pegasus.. we all know why. Keith also pegasus. but in more of a fluttershy way, if you can believe it ( doesn’t fly often, lives on the ground, etc ) allan earth pony who lives with keith :) in their filly days ken & keith probably had flight competitions that were always like 50/50 in terms of who’s winning but keith lives on the ground now & ken refuses to admit he misses his buddy ( & that he loves him ). barbie is an alicorn also, bc ofc she is, it’s barbie?

[pumpkinnning]

Hello 👋 I’ve noticed that many horror books tend to revolve around similar environments, but there seem to be very few that take place in aquatic settings like the ocean or a lake. I find this kind of setting could be really effective for horror, especially if written well. Do you have any recommendations for books that explore horror in these types of environments? Because I found it so interesting and I truly long for some well written spooky horror of that type ! Thank so much and have a good day !

Ooh anon that is such an interesting question, thank you !

So in the list of books I reviewed there is From Below by Darcy Coates but obvs I didn't really like it that much so I'm not going to rec it. I think in the somewhat similar area of deep sea horror, I really enjoyed Into the Drowning Deep by Mira Grant, it's with scary abyssal mermaids, I found the horror very effective and it also has a cute sapphic romance involving a badass autistic journalist who went on the list of my fave characters. Then there is Our Wives Under the Sea, by Julia Armfield, which is more disturbing and literary story about love and loss and change than pure horror tbh and deals with someone changing after having made a submarine trip during which sth went wrong, also sapphic, not perfect but quite interesting. Sawkill Girls takes place on an island, is more YA dark fantasy than pure horror but still has some very spooky moments, and is overall quite awesome.

Lakes are also such a great classic horror setting but the only book I read I can think of was Meddling Kids, basically a grown up version of the Scooby Gang, great concept but I found it very disappointing tbh

I'm still pretty new at reading horror, to be honest, so I don't have that many recs. On my to read list books that take place near a big body of water : What Moves the Dead (T Kingfisher), The Devil and the Deep (short story collection ed. Ellen Datlow), the River has Teeth (Erica Waters), The Cabin at the End of the World and In Bloom, both by Paul Trembley, the Deep (Alma Katsu), the Boatman's Daughter (Andy Davidson). Also thinking this would take us into Lovecraft territory, ofc the dude is massively problematic but still might be worth reading with a critical eye, and there might be some more modern takes on that vibe.

I agree with you, though, there is something so intrinsically both scary and compelling about big bodies of water like that...anybody else have any recs ?

[a-commas-a-pause]

I hope no one minds me rambling on here, but this has been in my drafts for a while waiting for me to have time to talk about it because I have both Thoughts and Emotions.

I first read P&P when I was twelve. It took me about two thirds of the book to "get it", but when I did I went back and reread the whole thing from the beginning for reasons I couldn't explain even to myself at the time. I thought it was the cleverest book I'd ever read. (At the time, it probably was, or at least it was up there. My mum recommended it to me as "baby's first Classic(tm) Literature".) It took me a while to realise that the main reason I was so in love with a story so otherwise outside my normal wheelhouse (I mostly liked books with dragons and/or cool superpowers in them) was that I found Darcy, and to a lesser extent Elizabeth, Extremely Relatable. Due To The Autism, you see.

That passage about Darcy being ill-qualified to recommend himself to strangers... I related to that sentiment and I related to it hard. And when Lizzie responded - that the answer was practice - that was a little bit of an epiphany. An ongoing epiphany, over several years.

Firstly: it was validating. Lizzie was... well I thought she was wonderful. I was as smitten as Darcy was. And to have her (and through her Austen) say that, to acknowledge that social skills (or "masking", if you prefer) were not some kind of magic that came from the aether but, well, skills, that took work and practice to build and maintain? And the comparison to playing the piano? I was learning the piano! I knew how hard it was - I knew that it wasn't enough just to randomly hit the keys, though you might still get something of value, but that you needed to learn the rules - and when to break them. I knew the rules were steeped in history, and some of them were arbitrary, and some were more useful than others when it came to actually making Good Sounds. I knew that piano was an infinite well of complexity that I could never perfect, but that I would always be able to improve, and that was worth improving, for the sake of the joy it would bring me and others. I knew there were different schools of thought for how best to play a given piece on the piano, depending on the piece, and no one school was completely right, but there were definitely some ways that were more interesting, or more palatable to most, and so on. The metaphor was incredibly useful and genuinely helpful to me, because it encompassed a lot. I don't know if that was what Austen was going for, but I got a lot from it.

Secondly, though, and more relevantly to this analysis: in the context of autism, there's an interesting reading here about the relationship between masking and social status.

Autism is widely understood to be a social disadvantage, but that isn't always actually the case. There are many reasons for this (some autistic people get Very Good at reading all the little unspoken social rules due to trauma, is a reason that I don't think applies here) but one key one is that what might be "rude" in a person of one social status is "honest" or even "witty" in one of a higher social status.

I've benefitted from this myself - I'm white, have wealthy parents, I was always "good at school", even my accent is fancy. I'm straight-passing, or I was in school, though I've definitely never been straight. Etcetera.

I've said rude things (unintentionally) to other people and gotten away with it in ways I shouldn't have because I had high(er) status within the social group. Low stakes situations, among friends, no one was badly hurt by it thank goodness... But still. I was afforded that power, because of my other privileges - and because I was the "right" (intellectual, very literate, "funny") type of neurodivergent.

In Austen's time, someone like Darcy could get away with rudeness, while someone like Mary or even Mr Collins (he's vain, but that doesn't mean he deserves to be mocked for his poor social skills, which are a slightly different, though related, thing) would suffer for it. Mary's going to struggle to find a husband - but if Mary were a Marius, he could be as peculiar as he wanted with no disastrous consequences, such as ruining the future prospects of his beloved sisters with his "silliness".

In this context, Lizzie's pointed barb about practicing takes on an extra edge. My secret, slightly controversial, opinion is: Darcy and Lizzie are both about as good as each other at social manoeuvring, when they choose to be. He's not incapable of subtlety, and is clearly aware of a lot of the secret unspoken nuances that Mrs Bennet, for example, is not. He's not bad at this, it just... tires him out (masking fatigue?).

But Lizzie has been forced, by the requirements of her situation, to get a LOT more practice than he has, whether or not it tires her out. She doesn't have the luxury of not masking all the time, being switched on all the time, because in her that's going to be taken very differently in him - and she doesn't want to hurt most people, either, even when she doesn't respect them. I think if you're raised by someone like Mrs Bennet, you get practice at being kind to people you don't respect. In this respect, I relate to Lizzie, too - I don't want to hurt people either. Even if I don't particularly like them. This might also have something to do with the fact I was raised and socialised as a girl...

You don't have to read Lizzie as autistic - I don't know of any obvious or strong textual reason to, besides the one line about practicing, which feels to me like a very autistic way of conceptualising politeness (though given the rigid rules of the time.... I have no idea) - but I did, as a kid, and there's no reason not to, either, really. Yes, she's socially adept - but in a very clear and deliberate way. She enjoys the parties, sometimes - but she seems to enjoy long walks and reading more. She doesn't have a great deal of patience for small talk, though she's capable of doing it. She has no qualms about telling people exactly what she thinks of them, despite being aware of the likely consequences, because she considers her own principles, such as they are, to be more important than "not being rude". And so on.

Anyway. Lessons I learned (in part) from Austen, still applicable centuries down the line:

Not masking, or masking less (and getting away with it) is a privilege that is awarded extremely unfairly.

Also, sometimes you have to do some degree of "masking" just to avoid hurting people, and that can mean that you have to tolerate some discomfort to avoid hurting others. Where you draw that line is your prerogative, but if like me, you have certain privileges - it might be worth thinking about.

And additionally, it might be worth considering that that stranger who seems so very allistic, or neurotypical, or what have you, has a rich inner life, and that you have no idea how much effort this actually is for them. It might be A Lot. Especially if there's any reason they might not be (or consider themselves) safe in this environment, however much you feel perfectly comfortable.

It bothers me so much that people latch onto this quote from Darcy but ignore the context around it:

“Shall we ask your cousin the reason of this?” said Elizabeth, still addressing Colonel Fitzwilliam. “Shall we ask him why a man of sense and education, and who has lived in the world, is ill-qualified to recommend himself to strangers?” “I can answer your question,” said Fitzwilliam, “without applying to him. It is because he will not give himself the trouble.” “I certainly have not the talent which some people possess,” said Darcy, “of conversing easily with those I have never seen before. I cannot catch their tone of conversation, or appear interested in their concerns, as I often see done.”

This is the big proof that Darcy is shy/socially awkward/whatever. But there are two answers right there! Colonel Fitzwilliam has an explanation that makes Darcy look far worse: he is rude because he doesn't care to be polite.

Darcy likes Elizabeth, and while I'm sure he didn't outright lie because he's a radical truther, he definitely did not tell the whole truth! Because the girl he likes just called his behaviour "very dreadful" and he needs to make himself look better. And then we know what he says later when he feels actual remorse for his prior behaviour (which he does not feel at Rosings):

I was... allowed, encouraged, almost taught me to be selfish and overbearing, to care for none beyond my own family circle, to think meanly of all the rest of the world, to wish at least to think meanly of their sense and worth compared with my own.

Where is his problem with conversing now? It's nowhere, because that was never the real problem. I am sure that Darcy does not converse easily with others, because I don't think he lied, but that is not why he was an unsociable asshole at the Meryton Assembly. It's because he did not think the unwashed masses of Hertfordshire were worth him putting in the effort.

[butchcaseyjones]

tao xu is autistic and has adhd

welcome to my tedtalk

i just rewatched the entirety of heartstopper and took notes with the dsm-5 next to me because i’ve always had a suspicion that tao has autism and adhd simply because i relate to him so much. so naturally the neurotypical thing to do would be to go through the whole show and take careful, organized notes to see if he meets the dsm-5 criterion for the disorders

and he does! here is my proof (please note that some of these are based on assumptions, but assumptions that are fair to make)!

Autism

Episode One

Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity - unusual affect

Rigid thinking - fixation on arbitrary rules (four is a group, three is just a trio)

Rigid thinking - cannot see past social differences with their group and Nick’s group or imagine that Nick could be different than his rugby friends

Episode Two

Rigid thinking - insistence that Nick is straight

Deficits in nonverbal communicative behaviours/deficits in understanding relationships - could not work out that Charlie was gay before

Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity - called loud by Elle; cannot regulate volume 

Special interest - room covered in movie posters, there are very few other decorations

Rigid thinking patterns - cannot see past the notion that Nick has a crush on Tara

Episode Three

Insistence on sameness - shows distress when Charlie cannot come to film night specifically because film night is ‘sacred’ and things will be different

Insistence on sameness - upset that film night is not like it usually is

Insistence on sameness - shows repeated distress at the notion that Charlie is changing and that the group is not like it used to be, and insists that his relationship with Elle does not change no matter what else changes

Episode Four

Difficulties with emotional regulation - reacting strongly to Charlie not sitting with them and throwing the ball aggressively at Nick

Potential hyperreactivity to sensory input - almost always seen wearing loose, soft, comfortable clothes (although this is not necessarily indicative of sensory issues)

Deficits in understanding relationships - believes their friendship group is falling apart because of the suggestion that Charlie might be friends with Harry 

Episode Five

Tunnel vision - obsessing over Nick and Charlie to the point where Elle tells him to stop

Potential repetitive motor movements - strange and frequent dancing even though he knows he is bad at it (dancing is not necessarily stimming but he seems to dance a lot more than other characters, just for fun, and this is also something I do as an autistic individual)

Adherence to routine - planning the events of Charlie’s birthday party very carefully, more actively than Charlie is planning

Difficulties with emotional regulation - shoving Harry

Deficits in communicative behaviour - Nick tells Charlie that Tao being rude is ‘just the way he is’

Deficits in nonverbal communicative behaviours - rarely seen smiling beyond moments of clear excitement 

Insistence on sameness - again unable to see Nick beyond his preconceived notions of him while talking to Charlie in the bathroom

Difficulties with emotional regulation - reacts more strongly than Charlie does to their argument

Episode Six

Potential repetitive motor movements - strange and frequent dancing

Special interest - claims that the concert is not boring if they play film music, and only for that reason

Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity - does not pick up on the clear cues that Darcy is trying to set him up with Elle and does not notice Elle has a crush on him

Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity - clearly feels awkward entering Nick and Charlie’s conversation

Adherence to routines - reminds the others of the exact time that the concert starts

Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity - still does not pick up on the fact that Nick and Charlie are dating despite seeing them hold hands and otherwise act like a couple

Episode Seven

Rigid thinking - declares that friendships don’t matter once you get into a relationship, jumping to extreme conclusions regarding his friendship with Charlie and telling Charlie they’re barely friends anymore

Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity - his retort to Harry obviously does not do what he intended to do, and comes off as strange

Difficulties with emotional regulation - reacts drastically to Harry’s offense

Episode Eight

Potential hyperreactivity to sensory input - unlike Charlie, he is never seen wearing his jacket, sweater, and shirt, usually just his jacket and shirt or shirt, which could possibly be a sensory aversion to wearing too many layers (this could be reaching, I personally have an issue with wearing too many layers)

Distress at small changes - the fact that his friend group can’t all do the same sport event like they usually do is implied to be one of the reasons he is upset

Repetitive motor movements - holds his arms similar to ‘dinosaur arms’ during Charlie’s race

Special interest - tells Charlie he has a very long list of movies he will force him to watch, an experience many autistic people have regarding their special interests

ADHD

Episode Two

Fidgeting - moving his head and bouncing on his feet while watching rugby with Charlie

Cannot be quiet - called loud by Elle

Episode Four

Fidgeting - playing with his hands by his side while talking with the others before Charlie’s game

Talks excessively/cannot be quiet - lovingly called loud and annoying by Elle

Fidgeting - bouncy and moving around a lot while talking with Elle

Episode Five

Fidgeting/restless - moves emphatically with his hands while talking to Elle at the sleepover

Impulsivity - shoves Harry without thinking and is told by Charlie after that he shouldn’t have done that

Rejection sensitive dysphoria - strong reaction to being terrible at bowling (this could be sarcastic but it does not seem like it)

Episode Seven

Impulsivity - fights back against Harry and does not see until later that it just makes things worse

Fidgeting - bounces his leg when upset after finding out Nick and Charlie are dating

Episode Eight

Potential executive dysfunction - shown in his text messages with Charlie that he was procrastinating starting an essay

Fidgeting - swings his legs while sitting in the art room with Elle

[nose-bl]

tao xu is autistic/adhd and you can't change my mind

we all pretty much agree isaac, charlie and tori are autistic, and i've already seen posts about why nick might be autistic too (1 , 2). there's also our adhd lesbian darcy. but i don't think i've seen any autistic/adhd tao posts. so here you go. also i decided to put images to separate the text and i can't believe i dont do that more often when i write very long posts (image descriptions added in alt text)

i will mostly focus on tv tao but most of this also applies to comic tao too

tao has some very clear routines and rituals in his life. he always bought juice for elle and himself, and when elle changed schools, it was hard for tao to stop that routine. movie night is sacred to him, and that ritual getting interrupted and cancelled upset him a lot. tao's issues are, in part, because he has routines that he's gotten used to getting interrupted. the way he lives his life, his friend group, everything, it worked in a specific way. but it suddenly starts changing and quickly. movie night is not the full gang anymore, charlie is hanging out with different people, and elle changes schools, which throws off the balance in tao's friend group. those things aren't bad (it's made clear that charlie spending time with nick and elle being at an all girls school is a GOOD thing), but they affect tao because of how much it changes the things he was used to

he talks to elle about her new school and is able to put things into perspective: elle leaving truham is a good change. but he isn't able to do this with charlie because he doesn't talk to him about nick after they officially start going out (because it's a secret)

tao also has trouble letting new people in. tao is very loud and blunt, and despite seeming very confident, he obviously has trouble making new friends and talking to others. which is why the idea of losing one friend is just the worst nightmare for him. he loves his friends so naturally he doesn't want to lose them, but when you don't have many friends and you have trouble speaking to others and finding people you are comfortable with, it's even worse. interestingly enough, elle struggles with the same thing, but slowly gets over it when she becomes friends with tara and darcy. tao struggles with it a bit more. he just can't let nick into their friend group. he doesn't approve of nick being at charlie's party, he refuses to get to know him. the obvious reasons are that he genuinely thinks nick is like the other rugby guys and will eventually hurt charlie, but the less obvious reason is because tao is scared of letting new people in, and nick being part of the group means the group being different

i think, also, we could say tao has trouble reading social cues and understanding social situations that other people do seem to get. we just see him interacting with his friends, a little bit with nick, and then harry. with his friends he clearly has no trouble just being himself, being goofy and having fun. when it comes to other people, though....he clearly didn't get (at first) that charlie's relationship with nick was none of his buisiness. he got caught up in the idea of protecting charlie from what he considered a potential threat, that he kept getting involved more and more and i don't think he even realized how much he was getting involved. elle even calls him "the king of getting involved", which tells me this is something tao just does. he doesn't get when his involvement is too much and he doesn't see when his help isn't needed until it's too late. i don't blame him at all, i get where he's coming from......

there's also the thing with harry. tao impulsively responded to harry's rudeness, he defended charlie, he even ended up in a physical fight with harry. tao has a huge sense of justice, and often takes matters into his own hands. charlie, instead, kept quiet, didn't respond, tried to keep a low profile. in part to protect nick, but also because he didn't want to make things worse by challenging harry. tao later gets that. him getting involved in that situation and responding to harry only made things worse. harry didn't have anything specific against tao before, but after tao stood up to him, harry started targetting him as well. i am not saying tao is at fault for being targeted by harry. harry is a bully and an asshole, tao did the right thing by standing up and he was brave to do so. but after getting targetted by harry and realizing charlie and nick are in fact dating, he understands why charlie's solution was to just let harry be an asshole and silently walk away. charlie knew he wasn't in a position to stand up to harry, so he didn't. tao, on the other hand, is much more confident and while he was in a less dangerous position to be challenging harry, he still got picked on.

okay let's get back on track. tao's special interest. it's obvious. he's a film person. cinema is his special interest. movie nights are really important to him, he cares about sharing his interest with the people he loves. he wants to share weird and dark films with his friends even if they don't understand the movies. when he reconciles with charlie, he tells him he has a long list of movies he has to show him, and that's just..........i love it. tao bonding with his friends and showing how much he loves them by sharing with them the thing that is most special to him

also, the way i see it, tao was hyperfixated on nick and charlie's friendship/relationship. literally it's the main thing he thinks and talks about, elle is even tired of tao only ever talking about nick and the situation with charlie. and this all negatively affects tao's life, because he just is't able to move on with his life and realize a lot of things about himself (like his crush on elle) because all that's on his mind is nick and charlie. hyperfixations aren't always about a piece of media or random topic, people with adhd can get hyperfixated on anything, and that includes people and ongoing situations around them

also there's something about tao always wearing a beanie wherever he goes whatever the weather is, like it's a comfort object for him. you could argue it's bc he's a fictional character and that's just His Accesory. but every choice in heartstopper is very conscious, tao wearing beanies all the time is an important part of him. he barely takes it off. the moments i can remember that he doesn't have it on that seem very intentional are: when he's having honest conversations with elle in a comfortable place, when he confronts charlie and during sports day. i feel like tao without his beanie on is a vulnerable tao. he opens up a lot to elle during those moments . he is in a very vulnerable position during sports day, and when he's lashing out to charlie and being honest about his pain. also in the comics, when charlie tells tao he's going out with nick and that tao was the last to know because he might have been the reason charlie got outed, tao didn't have his beanie on at first, but then he gets stressed out and feels guilty and he immediatly puts it back on and leaves

another thing i find interesting is that tao refers to himself and his friends as "borderline outcasts". now, i don't know if he was exagerating or if he genuinely meant that, but either way, this just tells me they're The Weird Kids (my beloved). charlie has been ostracized, bullied and rejected for being the gay kid. isaac mostly keeps to himself and is a quiet, chill boy who doesn't socialize too much even with his friends. and then there's tao. who is obviously labeled as weird, loud and annoying by others. which, surprise surprise, is what many adhd and autistic kids are called by their peers. i don't think tao was ever bullied, at least not at the level charlie was, but he clearly was rejected by many kids and had trouble finding his small friendgroup

anyway help me spread my autistic/adhd tao propaganda by reblogging this :)

[erosia-rhodes]

Review: Pleasantly surprised by The Batman

I did not expect to enjoy The Batman because the trailers made it look like a film that took itself way too seriously, and I was like, “Do we really need another Batman movie right now?” But just like I didn’t think we needed another Star Trek movie and then fell in love with the 2009 reboot, I found myself enjoying Matt Reeves’ film which somehow found a new take on a character that is older than rock n’ roll. It’s not perfect, but the things I liked far outnumbered the things I thought were dumb, so let’s break it down like that.

Things I loved

The original take that Bruce Wayne is a barely functional, emotionally stunted, human being who is unable to connect with others. This totally tracks when you think about it. You’d have to be seriously unwell to dress up as a bat and beat people up at night, right? He was probably forced to go to therapy as a kid and it just didn’t take, so now he does this instead. He’s so messed up that he’s incapable of creating a cover as an irresponsible playboy like he does in other films. This man isn’t just broken, he’s shattered! Some people have suggested he might even be a bit autistic. (The last time I remember seeing a new twist on an old character like this is when Matthew Macfadyen’s Darcy in the 2005 Pride and Prejudice wasn’t so much an arrogant guy, just an introvert with social anxiety who comes off that way.)

Batman is also more flawed than I recall him being in any other movie. He’s quick to judge, totally misreading the Selina/Falcone situation. He’s a bit of a prick to Alfred about the Wayne cufflinks and quickly feels shamed when he learns they were a gift from his dad. He crash lands in his bird suit. His car stalls out once before he gets it going. He’s kind of naive about how deep corruption goes in Gotham City. And he didn’t notice that criminals were embezzling from the Renewal fund that his own father set up. All these flaws make him feel like a real person (which can be hard when dealing with a guy who dresses up like a bat). This dude has a lot to learn and a lot of room to grow in any sequels which leaves the potential for a satisfying character arc.

Leaving the grease paint on Bruce's eyes works so well. It matches the emo vibe, but is also practical. I’m always a bit annoyed in other Batman films when the dark eye makeup magically disappears when he takes the cowl off.

I love that Bruce lives in the city instead of residing in the suburbs. If you’re going to police the city, you should live there, and not be a cop who lives 20 miles away and drives into town to lord over a community they’re not part of. It also makes logistical sense since it cuts down on his response time to emergencies.

They really nailed the Batman/Catwoman dynamic. Lots of unresolved sexual tension and mutual longing there. Lots of similarities in their characters, but differences that challenge and change each other. I also liked that it was a key part of the story and not just a side plot.

Catwoman in general was awesome. Good job, Zoë Kravitz!

The film didn't end in a big CGI battle. Refreshing! Take note, Marvel!

Things I liked

Wayne manor looks like the love child of a gothic cathedral and a McMansion. It’s bonkers, but I love it. It’s also a bit rundown and not well taken care of, just like Bruce.

Since he’s still in his early, low-tech years, I liked the DIY vibe Bruce had of running around the city in a hoodie and a backpack, even though I don’t think you could fit the bat suit in a backpack.

Felt right that most people weren’t all that impressed or scared by Batman. He’s still building his reputation at this point and taking on small-time criminals, so he’s mostly seen as a weirdo rather than a threat.

It was refreshing that the new mayor is a young, black, women instead of another white dude, which feels reminiscent of real people like Muriel Bowser of DC or Keisha Lance Bottoms in Atlanta.

There was good POC representation overall too with Zoë Kravitz and Jeffrey Wright cast in main roles.

So glad we didn't have to watch the Waynes get murdered again or Martha's pearl necklace break and scatter because they were too cheap to buy one that’s properly knotted, as Comic Book Girl 19 pointed out years ago.

It was nice to see Bruce’s parents be flawed as well, with Thomas accidentally getting a reporter killed and Martha dealing with mental health problems. They tend to come off as saints in the other films.

The introduction of a history of mental illness in Bruce's family was an interesting way of suggesting he might be a bit mentally ill too.

It was great that the cops kept commenting on the absurdity of letting a vigilante at a crime scene. It was classic “hanging a lantern,” but I appreciated it. 

There was a stripper pole at 44 Below but no gratuitous stripping scene! This was the most miraculous thing in this entire film!

Catwoman wears a chunky heel which is the most sensible heel to wear if you’re a superhero. It provides maximum stability while preserving flexibility of the sole, making it easier to walk in than a wedge heel. Jill Bearup has a great video about this topic.

The Riddler’s incel army that congregates in a hidden chat room felt like a modern problem that could actually happen.

Batman is referred to as the world’s greatest detective, so it was nice to see him do some detection here, even if the Penguin had to help him with the rat riddle and a random cop figured out what the carpet tool was.

The whole film noir vibe overall worked really well, and the visual look of the movie matched that tone.

Robert Pattison does have an amazing jaw line.

I like how understated John Turturro’s performance as Falcone was. He’s got this soft-spoken, kind uncle vibe to him, but you know he’d snap your neck in a heartbeat if he had to.

Overall, it was interesting to see a film focus 90% on Batman instead of Bruce Wayne, since this film seems to imply Batman is his “real” self, at least at this point in his life.

I liked that Selina has much higher emotional intelligence than Bruce. She's able to read people at the club and manipulate them in a way he seems incapable of. And I do think she was manipulating Bruce a bit when she kissed him on the roof since she needed him on her side. Oh, those femme fatales!

Things I’m ambivalent about

I don’t know how I feel about the prominent use of Nirvana in this movie. This might be because it makes me feel old.

Batman’s parents were murdered in 2001? Ok, I definitely feel old.

The Riddler basically got away with everything, right? He didn’t blow up Bruce Wayne, but he achieved all his other plans. His incel army let him down in the end, but that’s not really his fault. Getting arrested was one of his goals, so the fact that he’s locked up isn’t a triumph either. So, the villain sort of won?

It’s kind of weird that married couple Peter Sarsgaard and Maggie Gyllenhaal have both been blown up in Batman films.

Things I disliked

The opening was boring. Yeah, I know the Riddler’s voyeurism of the mayor’s mansion parallels Bruce spying on Selina later on, showing similarities in their characters, but I didn't know who he was spying on, so I wasn’t invested or interested it. Then we had to watch a boring political debate on TV until finally, finally, the Riddler appears and something interesting happens.

When Batman beats up the gang at the beginning of the film, it would have been nice if that had hooked into the main story in some way. It does a good job of establishing the character and showing that the people he saves are also scared of him, but it feels tangential to everything else. You could lift it right out and you’d still understand the plot of the film.

The voiceover of Bruce’s journal entries reminded me way too much of Rorschach from Watchmen, so it didn’t work for me at all. It also seems dumb to be documenting your crimes in such detail.

So, yeah, the first 12 minutes had me believing I was right to assume this would be a bad movie until we finally got into the main story and things turned around.

Jeffrey Wright’s voice is so distinct that I kept thinking of him as the Watcher from the Disney+ What If…? series, which was distracting, but not really anybody’s fault. (Shame on you, Jeffrey, for deservedly getting so much work!)

Colin Farrell was good, but why was he hired to play the Penguin? Fat people get less acting opportunities than thin people, so I would have preferred they hire an actual fat person instead of letting a thin person take that role.

I wish they’d been more clear about whether Selina was in a romantic relationship with Annika or not. The fact that they were living together and she called her “baby” suggests intimacy, but then Selina kissed Batman the day after she found Annika dead, which would be really tacky if they had been an item.

Some of the more absurd exits. Do people have to leap off buildings and slide down repelling lines all the time? Isn’t the elevator more sensible sometimes?

I could have done without all the Ave Maria. It’s kinda overused.

The movie is too long. They could have shaved some time off at the beginning and also near the end. Kill your darlings!

Things I hated

I typically love Michael Giacchino’s work, but the Batman theme sounds way too much like the Imperial March from Star Wars. Someone should have taken him aside and told him this was basically plagiarism. Every time it played, it took me out of the movie and broke my suspension of belief because I was looking around for Darth Vader to show up.

I have come to hate any scene in a movie or TV show where a character makes a big murder board with lots of photos and strings and pushpins and Post-Its. It’s old and tired and I don’t think people actually do this that much in real life. I get that it makes an interesting visual, but it just feels dumb. So, I am not a fan of Bruce Wayne spray painting the floor of his house as he puzzles things out. I know he’s eccentric and he’s at a particularly low point because Alfred was hurt, but what is the housekeeper going to think? Has she figured out he’s Batman and never said anything cause she’s so close to retirement?

No one is upset that Batman created a fiery wreck on the interstate that destroyed at least one semi truck and probably injured several people? It was totally reckless and if someone did that in real life, I would want them jailed. I’m sure the people on NextDoor Gotham City had something to say about that!

I ended up thinking about this movie way more than I ever thought I would. I generally love the world they’ve built here. I hope the sequel leans into the things that worked and away from what didn’t. I’d like to see Bruce start to build a public, philanthropic identity as a way to be a source of hope in the city, and not just vengeance, even though he’ll feel totally awkward and uncomfortable doing so. It’d also be nice to see Catwoman and Penguin show up again instead of wiping the board clean like they do in other films. It would make this feel like a lived-in world where people don’t just disappear because you’re rolling out a new plot.

And hey, the mayor’s son could be the new Robin! Seriously, this kid had the most traumatic week ever. First he finds his dad gruesomely murdered, then he’s almost run over at the funeral where a man explodes, and then he gets stuck at Gotham Square Garden during a mass shooter incident and flood. This kid is going to be so fucked up. I bet he lives in fear of duct tape and lying for years. All you have to do is kill off his mother and have Bruce adopt him since he already deeply empathizes with the kid.

Good job, everybody! Looking forward to visiting this world again in a few years.