#things i wish i wrote tbh
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Chapter 2 of Allspice.png
#leave me here to die#things i wish i wrote tbh#i’m so in love with this fic ok#& it immediately reminded me of this post#syd x richie#otp: you smell good
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can't believe this hasn't been said before but unhinged!scarlett and unhinged!dave would be an iconic duo. shame pi didn't get a second season bc these two in an alliance would basically succeed in destroying the island, they'd wipe everyone out
the fact that they're both versions of the nerd character so they're already smart in their own ways, the fact that they have absolutely zero fucks to give anymore, their individual darker sides have come out (whether it was hidden consciously (scarlett) or unconsciously (dave)), and they've each attempted to kill/seriously injure one or more contestant(s) (and mess up the island in the process) just to reach their end goal. imagine if these two found a common goal somehow, literally nothing could get in their paths (except possibly each other)
#these two in an alliance that ends with one or both of them turning on the other would be wild#tbh i know ppl talk abt wishing roti getting a second season but the potential in a second season for pi?? there is so much!!#literally half the dynamics have changed and so have personalities for most of the characters in pi#max and scarlett's dynamic change and their shifts in characters#topher could easily shift from chris lover to chris hater. two extremes!!#he just wants to get chris fired or in pain or smth lmao#dave becoming more competitive and less romantic he turns more heartless (and a bit more reserved and unpredictable)#his heart is there its just v shrouded. and repressed memories dave of the finale!!#he knows smth big happened but the memories of exact details are fuzzy (when that mental curtain is ripped away its gonna be chaos)#amy and sammy's change in dynamics. sammy standing up for herself!!#i wanna say sky would join a second season to get a chance at the money (im a shawn winner truther)#but idk if after all that she'll want to lmao#but skave dynamic total shift if sky comes back!!!#dave doing anything to get her eliminated sky slowly starting to retaliate#it'd be interesting to explore ella and sugar's characters if they've changed or not#evil scarlett who doesnt hide it!!#jashawn ain’t gonna join i think lmao they deserve a nice break plus they split the million so#rodney who is still a romantic but starts to understand the truth of boundaries and the rose colored glasses start to break#(he gets a sexuality revelation when he crushes on one of the guys)#just imagine how wack things would have gone with a second season#the different interactions and alliances and friendships and enemies#and the interactions/dynamics in the first season def would have changed in a second one#this is making me remember the whole layout for a second pi season younger me wrote with new and old contestants#anyway! second season pi was so deserved it would have been wack#noahtally-famous#total drama#td dave#td scarlett#tdpi
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(reads my own fic) woah. I'm so good at my job
#im so ngl though. i entirely forgot i wrote that one#like when i posted it i thought it was kinda mid and i think i like. banished it from my awareness#and just set it loose into the currents#apparently people really like it!!! im glad yall enjoy it!!!#ik anyone not following me wont see this but uhhhh#did you know that only on like my 20th new file did i realize hadvar is. following the convoy#at the beginning#somehow i never connected like. him parking his horse where it glitches into your face as him being with you#like i just figured he rode in from somewhere else in the fort#need yall to know that i had an entire fucking draft going for that thing where hadvar begs for reassignment#desperately#when he reads over the prisoner list and gets threatened with insubordination--over an enemy no less#and like he was up all night sobbing his little heart out about how he was killing his beat friend#and i was ALMOST DONE WHEN I REALIZED HE HADNT BEEN COMING FROM THE FORT#HE WAS BEHIND US#WHICH MEANT. RAGH (throws writing tools off desk)#unless i actually posted that one too and just completely forgot#but i think it was the og draft for the hadlof intro angst post#<- guy with memory issues#wish i had writing ideas more often tbh but i gotta sit on something for like. months#cant make a simple post to save my life unless its abt celann and even then its only simple bc i cannot coherently elaborate
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happy two year anniversary to mirrorverse, I’m sorry to everyone I’ve inflicted this on (not really about the inflicting it on you but about the length) (how did it get so long in two years)
proof:
[id: a bit of the ao3 work page for the first of the mirrorverse stories I’ve written. it has the publication date of July 9, 2022, circled]
#the idea itself is actually three or four days older and was Artemis’s idea on discord#there were a bunch of people spitballing and throwing ideas around and then somehow I wrote my very first fanfic I posted on ao3#(and then after that it really kinda ended up not being a community thing so much and I wish it still was#cause tbh it’s now me and two other people really and I’m writing all of it and I miss when other people were writing it#and I’m sorry for taking it over sorta but also I’m not bc this is my favorite thing to write)#(usually)#(I just miss not feeling like it only matters to me)#murderbot mirrorverse#anyways if you’ve ever written or wanted to write a mirrorverse fic please do I will die for you#(and Artemis if you see this you have two things that should go on ao3 even if they’re not *finished*#and also I think you should finish the punching one but I’m not poking you about it unless you want pokes)#alternate universe#murderbot#fanfic
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holy sh¡t a Deception fan in the year of our lord 2023?? how does it feel being in a fandom with 4 people in it bestie
Do not cite the deep magic to me, child... I was there when it was written!
#jokes aside#I remember when the fandom had a somewhat active 200+ fans that made fan content for the show#I was 18 when I started this blog#I'm 23 now and... wow#I made jokes about how it'll be five years and I won't be over this show... apparently I was not wrong lol#though now it's more of a fond nostalgia#I have fics I never finished#though I kinda wanna make little summary posts to just explain how those fics would've ended#in the summer of 2018 I wrote SO MUCH fanfic content because I didn't take summer courses my first year#tbh sometimes I wish I never even heard of the show but then I think of the good things it brought me#like the cool online friends I found#to discovering that I love to write and pulling me out of my first year depression#wow this got kinda sentimental#point is...#I am still kinda a fan#I make incorrect quotes now and then when I find something I think would work#I would love to see some sort of closure to the story#and tbh I still get excited by new fics#especially the Kaymeron ones#but I would love to talk more about it#if people were interested#deception
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somewhere in the shadows | chapter two
Boop! I just posted chapter two here! Anyways, here’s a random gif because I feel weird just having a five word post.
#hogwarts legacy#sebastian sallow x mc#sebastian sallow#hogwarts legacy mc#hogwarts legacy fanfic#tbh this might be the longest chapter I’ve written in the history of chapters I’ve written#my attention span is zip for some things#this chapter was so hard to write and for why#writing is hard#writing fights is hard#why did I write fights two chapters in a row#I DONT KNOW because I h8 myself apparently#goddamn Elly control your attraction towards Sebastian#I kinda wished I wrote a duel with sebastian and someone else#so Elly could marvel about his rolled up sleeves more#HAHAHA I’m jk I have plenty of opportunities to do that#fanfic
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have u ever felt like crying writing a scene
#cos i think it b me now writing col#just wrote the hardest scene i've ever had to write ever#tbh still writing it#wish me luck#shotorus.process#also i think ill be dropping 2 things for the next col release bc#i think it just flows better if i release 1 long thing + 1 supplemental shorter/indiv thing that expounds on a specific scene more#if i put the full scene in the long fic the mood/tone doesn't rlly fit w everything else#but ive also written it in its entirety alr so its a waste if i dont put it anywhere... HAHAH
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Spn blogs in my recs and they WILL NOT LEAVE.
#they’re even on my main blog now#at least for me#and like yeah I get it blood and rot and family and whatever#I think I’m getting my period soon because it usually doesn’t annoy me like this but GOD#I don’t WANT these here.#but tbh I just don’t like the fandom. it’s all very clique-y and I am so so lonely#like genuinely I haven’t felt good about a single thing I posted for that in way too long#I like WRITING but posting?? in that fandom? it’s terrible. I hate it#& I’ve taken to writing out all my frustration and anger and grief in a separate doc to be deleted before posting the main work#which is fucking. just. it’s bad. I’ve never had to do that for ANY fandom I wrote for.#and I geeeeeet that it’s because it’s such a big fandom so people know each other and it’s not like my small communities where you#parallel play in peace. but I don’t like it. it’s deeply uncomfortable and isolating and I’m so sick of it#but I also like the writing I do so I try to just stay in my niche and not look at anyone else#I think I unfollowed every fandom blog save for two? three? so I could be alone instead of lonely#but it still washes over me whenever I post something.#oh an! sometimes I’m tempted to just do something super mass appealing so they’ll like me but that just makes me feel worse#I’ve been tempted to delete my blog so many times because I lost my friends from the old fandoms and this one is the poorest substitute#but I also feel like that won’t make me happier either. I wish I’d just never started engaging w that show tbh#okay done. just. I’m going through it
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Work sucks i want to stay home and draw
#i sketched a totk drawing i wanna digitalize it#i wish i could but its alread 130am and i go to work at 10am#:((#ive been posting on a few places some commission examples and pricing but im getting nothing#which is fine#i really want to do illustrations as a job#like stuff for baby books#ive already semi wrote(just want to reword it) and did a story board layout thing with all the sketches#it shouldnt take me too long to actually do#like a couple days#but i have 0 motivation to take out my tablet and hook it up constantly#i need an ipad but $$$$#idk if clip for ipad is any good though and idk if ill like procreate#tbh i found out i can get one with accessories and warranty for 260#could be 220 but i want the warranty
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Every semester, I feel like my instant thought is always "I am dropping every class. They're all horrible." but by the end usually end up really liking it so I really just need to ignore my first impressions, but god looking at the syllabi really destroys my mental state
#yet i dont remember liking the first class i took for my one major and im not excited for it this time either 😐#even tho ive spent the most time around that prof cumulatively i still dont really think i like him all that much 😭😭😭#my department sucks because theres only 2 profs and the one sucks so bad that she has a 1 star review#and the other prof who i feel lukewarm about goes so far as to tell his students to avoid classes with her#so im really stuck between a rock and a hard place 😭😭😭#i think he just gets on my nerves too easily. and he was on the abroad trip i went on so i do feel like ive gotten closer#but like you know those people who the dynamic feels very one sided with? thats him for me. i think its just a cultural difference tho tbh#but otherwise i think my other classes will be fine :D#just feeling a bit 😧 rn bcs i have to make an introduction vid for my online class and I DONT WANNNAAAAAAAAAAA#also i miss all my profs from my prev semester :<#i think i talked about it on here but ahhhh my one linguistics prof she was so nice#but it haunts me bcs she asked if she could use one of my papers as an example paper in the future#and i was of course very honored....#BUT ALSO THE PAPER I WROTE USED F1 DRIVERS AS EXAMPLES LMAO#so im so glad that the first half of the 2023 season is now just a time capsule in that class#like literally a time capsule where you can exactly tell which era it was bcs i used Nyck as an example 🌚#well anyways wish me luck i hate starting things it's like trying to cram yourself into a new skin or something#and then when youre very pleased and comfortable with it all its then over :(#catie.rambling.txt
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I bet you were born in Poland! 🤠
you are absolutely right anon 😭😭
#i wish i wasnt tho#i hate this country#the only good thing we have here is food tbh#pierogi 🩷#anon#i saved every letter you wrote me*
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It isn’t potential, though. Vegeta is famously, canonically, interesting and complex and well written, despite the anime’s best efforts to stifle it. The nuggets you get from Toei are what survived them scraping off Toriyama’s (very good, highly skilled) storytelling and character writing to focus on making Goku as plastic and stiff as the action figures they use the series to market (which Toriyama actively, vocally, and repeatedly did not want or like).
when u like a character for their potential to be interesting and complex more than how they’re actually written
#Vegeta has one of the most *famously* well-written developmental character arcs of all time fjdjd this post was Not About Him#Unless this is someone who has only ever seen DBS’ anime I do not understand this take Geets’ arc is 30 years old and largely unmatched#The anime scrapes off the nuance and love and force feeds you corporate protag worship so you’ll buy branded shit with protag’s face on it#I WISH I was exaggerating but I’m so bitter about Corporate Greed bleeding out good storytelling for the last decade lmao#I remember when I was blaming Toriyama for Toei’s writing. I’m so glad I know better now. Toriyama’s writing is so charming.#And honestly nothing summarizes my beef better than that One Panel of Vegeta and Trunks hanging out with Bulma and Dr B in the lab when Cel#Announced the Cell games.#The Anime 1) took bulma out of the lab 2) has geets start beef for no reason 3) has him leave without trunks and 4) just totally overrides#that despite all the grandstanding and attitude and mistakes leading up to that point Vegeta is there seated in the room with his family#Not pouting or grumpy or forced he’s just chillin in a chair in the lab while Bulma and DrB work on 16#And then when he leaves and Trunks follows and Bulma offers him a haircut Geets STOPS and WAITS for his son to be finished#like that scene is everyone grouped off with the people they’re closest to in the manga and Geets is with his family#That’s Toriyama’s Vegeta. Toei decided to make that moment about beefing with Yamcha and Bulma being out …? shopping…???#And Roshi explaining the Concept of a tournament to everyone before Cell explains what a tournament is to everyone. again.#Anyway old man yells at cloud hashtag ReadTheManga you get it#10 Days Til Daima!#Praying they don’t fuck up the final thing Toriyama ever trusted them with!!!!#But the woman writing it also wrote cells at work so at the VERY least we’re getting a cute funny DB show#Which tbh is all I want at this point
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i genuinely wish a real edwina character existed so bad. genderbent eddie who punches men in the face yelling "HOW DARE YOU?" when she senses slight innuendo but flirts with bartenders to get free drinks and punches richie in the face when he gets jealous and when she has to wear a bra wears one so tight it cuts off circulation to her head so she's even dumber and orders one of every wine bottle and saves women from richie's seduction attempts only to flirt with them herself.... you are real to me and i love you. "just because I'm a bird, it doesn't mean I'm not handy with me dukes!" while beating a man over the head? would be even more iconic if said by an actual female character.
#edwina could be an she/it lesbian.... does anyone see my vision#she'd pull the public outcry “MY MOTHER WARNED ME ABOUT YOU!” thing on richie all the time over the smallest things. female manipulator 🥰#like i realized that so many of the lines said by ade in Finger truly doesnt depend on the “actually a guy doing a scheme” thing to be funny#itd be so funny said by a woman too. and to me it would be even more iconic if she existed. does anyone know a character thats as crazy as#eddie but woman bc im weak for women in comedy#makes me wish rik and ade wrote more female characters tbh (ofc i get that they mostly wrote characters for themselves to play)#nina.rambles#bbc bottom#this is basically a i need more batshit insane silly pathetic female comedy characters post. which is kind of on me im sure more must exist#my mind goes to dee reynolds <3
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feelin so bad its bohemian rhapsody time
feelin so bad had the sudden random urge to draw vito fkin scaletta
#my friend bein deeply affected by aftersun bc of its plot n all this thing w father*#And i felt so ashamed bc its me im the father its me who left its me who ok almost#killed hrslf bc life was just too unbearable bc its was too hard to live with all this#mama life had just begun but now i've gone and thrown it all away#mama didnt mean to make u cry if im not back again this time tomorrow ! carry on carry on as if nothing really matters#goodbye everybody ive got to go gotta leave yall behind and face the truth mama i dont wanna die#but sometimes i wish id never been born at all#and face the truth. fuck fr#mother its so fkin ridiculous that this song is one of ur favs#its ridiculous that queen was fav band of ur alcoholic dad who beated u n ur brother and in the end this song was meant to become mine#*maybe ur brother's since he had a sa in his youth too#so ashamed for all this bc i never will forget my father fuckin crying like bursting in tears after my sa and i never saw him cryin before#this and i couldnt get why hes cryin and then it fuckin turns out his dad was diagnosed was in a psych ward &#& in the end killed himself when my dad was fkin 12 im so fuckin sorry i didnt know this#i still feel so weird bout my mothers words she always felt that i wont last in this world for long mother why you even said this omfg#aw fuck man this all is so painful. im so sorry yall now afraid that my brother will try to kill himself too. we all r so fkin cursed#tw suicide mention#tw bohemian rhapsody 🤣 sorry#*now its so ridiculous to understand that her father n me are very alike in some things like fr wtf 😭 id never guess#+ yall should be sooo grateful i never wrote bout scaletta family bc i wanted to right after i finished the game but thought that#yall would want to kill me so i didnt + dont want to anymore bc dgaf tbh
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pretend | alexia putellas x reader
Alexia contemplates her feelings as you pretend a drunken kiss between you two never happened.
contains: angst, some making out, barçafemeni!reader, avoidant!reader, just a lot of angst tbh | word count: 2k+
a/n: not proofread, just wrote this cause i couldnt sleep and was listening to lizzy mcalpine's hate to be lame which gave me this idea
it's always on the tip of my tongue but i stop myself from saying it tell myself it's not the right time or something dumb
The last night of the Champion's League celebration was supposed to be just like any other victory party—loud, drunk, messy. On nights like this, it was natural to make a fool of yourself.
Alexia was never immune to the drunken stupidity — the typical drunken dancing and singing, foolish antics that got the team laughing. (In one victory party, Alexia found herself dancing with someone else's sports bra wrapped around on her head.)
But on that particular night, her drunken act of stupidity wasn't just loud karaoke or making a fool of herself. No, it was way different.
At some point, during the night, you two had gotten drunk and began grinding on each other at the dance floor. It was normal for teammates to get a bit touchy during parties so no one bat an eye but Alexia knew this thing happening between you two was different.
It started with playful dancing then you somehow found a way to plant a few kisses on her neck. It didn’t take long until you two ended up stumbling into the vacant restroom, kissing each other desperately.
Some kind of tension has always lingered between the two of you before but Alexia always chalked it up to the two of you being newly single. She always brushed it off, thinking it might just be her reading into things. Afer all, you have always been her type and she figured she might be interpreting your dynamic through wishful thinking.
But that night, that small tension she felt burst into something more, and she understood that this meant it wasn't just her who felt attraction towards the other.
She felt your hands desperately cling onto her as you locked lips. Your tongue glided on her bottom lip before ultimately finding its way into her mouth. You took turns pinning each other against the flimsy walls of the cramped stall.
Alexia's hand has found it way to your neck, gently tilting your head up with it before pressing her mouth against your neck to kiss, lick, and bite at you. You gasped in satisfaction as the taller girl kissed your neck.
You grabbed her face again to kiss her deeper, more intensely. Alexia felt that this was the type of kiss that could lead to something more; the likelihood of you crossing that line increasing with every minute that passed.
You gently pushed her off of you, as you tried to catch a breath. Your eyes remained locked as you stayed within close proximity. After a while, you noticed the hunger in Alexia's eyes simmer down into something more... soft and intimate.
This time, Alexia gently touched your face and moved to capture your lips again but this time, you looked away and avoided her kiss. You sighed before hurriedly unlocking the stall, walking out the restroom, and leaving Alexia all alone without even a goodbye.
Alexia felt dumbfounded. She thought that this kiss was your way of addressing the tension, a way of telling her that maybe you felt attracted to her too. But with the sudden exit, she began to doubt herself.
She wanted to talk to you about it the next time you saw each other but it became immediately evident to her that you were set on pretending like nothing happened.
You still joked with her in training, still bantered with her, tell stories like normal. You acted exactly like you did before; it was as if she dreamt up the kiss.
She played along like nothing had shifted, like your kiss had been meaningless. She even laughed at your jokes during training. But every word felt like a lie, every shared laughter felt like a stab.
In her mind, she wished you'd at least act different. She would rather you hated her or avoided her, something—anything to confirm that there was something real, something more.
But you acted like it was nothing.
She felt like she was going crazy, even doubting her own sanity at some point. She spent the past few months trying to forget it ever happened. But the more she tried, the more it hurt her. Because how could you pretend that all of that was nothing... when it felt like everything for her.
But then you kiss me like you do And we're right back where we started from
It was Pina’s birthday.
Alexia initially didn't want to go. It was in the middle of the season and she knew that the team captain being there meant everyone would be too hesitant and shy to drink, knowing she was around.
But she knew how Pina was, and she knew Pina would pester her endlessly if she didn't at least make an appearance.
So, she did. She went to the place late and much to her surprise, most of the team was behaving. A few of the players were nursing a bottle of beer but nothing excessive. She figured she must have done something right for her teammates to be so well-disciplined even without her hovering around them.
Well... she thought that until she saw you.
Of course, she's drunk. She thought to herself.
You were already tipsy, practically glowing, and laughing too loudly. The sight of you sent a jolt of something unfamiliar through her.
You had your arms wrapped around Caro, who was trying too hard to help you sober up by making you drink from a bottle of water. Alexia sighed and made her way to save Caro from your drunkenness.
Caro gave her a thankful look as she took over in aiding to you. She let you drape your arms around her as she wiped the stray hairs that stuck to your face.
"In the middle of the season?" She asked you in a stern voice. "Really?"
You frowned at her. "You wouldn't get it."
Alexia just sighed as she continued what Caro was doing, desperately trying to get you to sober up. "Did something happen?"
You stayed silent but you were too easy to read when you were drunk. Your glazed expression gave away that you were going through something. You still had an arm wrapped around Alexia, as if to keep yourself balanced, but you were also trying to avert your gaze away from her.
Alexia sighed. "I should take you home."
You bit your lip but you nodded. Alexia sighed and held your waist as you kept an arm around her; she was afraid if she let go, you'd fall over.
The car ride was silent. She wanted to talk to you about why you were getting irresponsibly drunk, why you seemed upset and... why you acted like your kiss never happened. But instead, she stayed silent, and as did you.
Alexia pulled up to your apartment building. After she parked, you unclasped your seatbelts but neither of you made a move to exit the car.
Alexia sighed. "Do you wanna talk... about anything?"
You shifted your gaze towards her, taking in how pretty she looked tonight. She was wearing a leather jacket on top of a cropped shirt, revealing a sliver of her abdomen. Your eyes now fluttered to her face. You took in her warm eyes, her nose, her lips. She looked so besutiful even under the dim lighting. You thought, fuck, why does she have to be so gorgeous?
You hummed. "I'm sorry I took you away from the party... especially since you look so good tonight."
Alexia started growing anxious as you said those words. "Well, I didn't really plan on going anyway..." Alexia said.
Drunkenly, you reached out to cup her face and guiding it upward so she'd meet your gaze. You stayed that way for a bit, just looking at each other's eyes. Until finally, you couldn't take it.
You leaned in and captured her lips in a kiss. It was more gentle than before, more intentional. As you pulled away, you studied her expression but Alexia just looked pained.
She sighed and looked away, causing your hand on her cheek to drop. She took a deep breath as she gripped the steering wheel with her hands and rested her head on top of it.
Emotions were overwhelming her. This was the long overdue confirmation she wanted from you so bad yet... it felt so wrong.
After a minute, Alexia finally spoke. "Why?"
"Huh? Why what?" You asked back.
She lifted her head slightly and locked eyes with you again. "Just... why?"
You sighed. "I don't know... I just want to kiss you."
Alexia looked exasperated. She took a moment to think. Do you remember last time? Why did you act like it never happened? Why do you want to kiss me now? Why do you only want to kiss me when you're drunk? Do I mean something? Do the kisses mean something? Do you... like me like I like you?
She had a million questions flying around her head but she settled on one. "Tell me honestly. Do you remember the last time we kissed?" She locked eyes with you and this time, you could see pain behind them. She tried to be firm with the way she asked but the vulnerability seeped through.
You blinked at her. “I think about it all the time,” you admitted before you could even consider lying; your inebriation made you too honest.
Alexia chest tightened as she felt hurt by the admission. Am I not supposed to be happy... that she thinks about it too like I do?
Before she could react, you were trying to lean in again as your face cupped her cheek, trying to kiss her. And that's when Alexia snapped into clarity.
No. You were drunk. This wasn’t... healthy. She couldn’t let herself do this again, not when everything between you was so confusing, so undefined.
“No,” Alexia whispered, gently pushing you away, though her hands shook with the desire to do exactly the opposite.
You looked at her with an expression that could only read as upset to Alexia but she tried to ignore it as she unlocked your car door. "I think you should go."
You stayed steady for a minute, twiddling your thumbs then staring at her but she kept her head low, trying so hard not to look at you until you finally stepped out without another word.
Hate to admit but it might be true Hate to admit but I think you knew Hate to be lame but I might love you
After that night, as expected, you didn't acknowledge the kiss. But this time, you started acting cold.
No more joking around. No more banter. You'd be laughing it up with the other Barça girls but as soon as Alexia came over, you'd bail and make an excuse to avoid her.
It was killing her, just being like this. Mapi had taken notice and pulled Alexia aside to ask if she was alright, which Alexia just hesitantly nodded.
Mapi didn't believe it for a moment. "Is it because of..." Mapi trailed off as she discreetly turned her gaze towards you as you were busy on your phone in the locker room.
Alexia sighed and said nothing but that was enough confirmation for Mapi. She sighed. "You need to talk it out," She said. "It's kinda affecting your dynamic on and off the pitch."
Alexia knew Mapi was right. Not only was it taking a toll on her emotions to be dealing with this awkward tension and silent avoidance, it wasn't long before shit gets worse and the team performance is affected. If it was only affecting her, she would have dropped the whole issue but she knew this was beyond you and her.
She caught you before training the next day, her voice sharp but shaking as she confronted you. "Can we talk?"
You sighed and nodded. "Yeah, Capi?"
She winced at the nickname, knowing that it was your tactic to distance yourself from her. Just another subtle way of deflecting.
“I know you feel the same way,” Alexia blurted it out, her words tumbling out too quickly. She regretted being so outright but she also no longer wanted to waste time. She had to do what she had to do.
Alexia sighed as she ran her hand through her hair. “And... it hurt when you acted like nothing happened. Like it didn’t matter.” Her chest heaved with the weight of everything she hadn’t said.
You stayed silent which just forced Alexia into doing all the talking. "I don't know what's going on with you but... why me? Why are you roping me into this?"
"It's nothing." You muttered.
Alexia grew frustrated. "Bullshit."
"What do you want me to do, Alexia?" Your eyes finally met hers.
"I don't know." She groaned. "Admit you like me too... or even just admit you kissed me. Tell me why you did. Tell me if it mattered. Fuck, I'd settle with you telling me it was a mistake. I just... need to hear from you that..."
"Nothing happened,” you said firmly, almost as if to convince yourself as much as her.
Alexia’s heart sank. She was there just begging for you to admit it did, even if you say it was a mistake; she just needed to hear it from you. Instead, you denied her again.
“But—”
“Drop it,” you snapped, turning quickly, rushing away before she could say anything more.
She watched you go, her hands shaking at her sides. There was nothing more she could do. She was left standing there, confused and hurt, unable to understand why it hurt so much. How could you pretend it meant nothing when everything inside her screamed that it meant everything?
Do I love her? Do I need her? Do I want her? Do I care enough to say That I love her, that I need her? 'Cause I don't but I wanna feel okay
Days turned into weeks and weeks into months and Alexia still couldn't forget what happened.
Your dynamic on the pitch suffered for a bit but it recovered. And pretty soon, you were acting normal again around her.
As if nothing, nothing at all, had happened.
For a while, Alexia had convinced herself she had moved on from it. It was just two kisses, she told herself on multiple occasions. You don't even like her that much.
But there were nights when she couldn't help but be consumed with confusion and frustration. She hated how it happened—how you treated her, how you pretended nothing was real.
On most days, she hated you. She acted normal around you, sure, but there was an added layer now. Everything was more guarded. Even if she asked you often how you were and laughed at your jokes, your relationship was hurt and it could never go back to how it was.
And even if she did despise you for what you did... she still couldn’t stop the way her heart raced when she saw you. She couldn’t shut off the part of her that still hoped that maybe, one day, you'd admit to her that it did happen and maybe that you feel a certain softness for her too.
But she knew it wasn't happening any time soon and now, all she can do is what you do best — pretend.
#Spotify#couldnt sleep so what do i do... write angst#sorry i know i promised fluff but WHAT CAN I DO WHEN THE DESIRE TO WRITE ANGST TAKES OVER#this is literally unedited unreviewer not proofread just me typing rapidly on the tumblr mobile app#hope u still enjoy#woso community#woso fic#woso fanfic#woso x reader#woso imagine#alexia putellas x reader#alexia putellas fic#alexia putellas fanfic
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Love Thy Neighbour (m)
synopsis: Jimin is a patient man, at least, he thinks he is. But you test him so much. Can’t you just be good? Be so pretty for him? He knows you want to be. Knows you can be so perfect, just for him.
p.jimin x f.reader
𝜗𝜚 ݁ ˖┊: wc: 4.5k
𝜗𝜚 ݁ ˖┊: genre: yandere/dark, smut, dark content
𝜗𝜚 ݁ ˖┊: content: yandere/dark!jimin, noncon, dubcon, implied non-human!jimin, kidnapping, use of a sex doll, cruel and unusual punishment, mindbreak, fear play, blood, biting, marking, minimal prep, cervix bruising, dehumanization (?), creampie, rough sex, jimin is lovesick and delusional and also a gross perv, lmk if i missed any <33
𝜗𝜚 ݁ ˖┊: notes: hello!!! the demons won and i finally decided to post this after it was sitting in my drafts forever <33 i wrote this about a year ago with jimin in mind, but then i posted it to my anime blog instead. if you read it over there… no you didn’t AHSSKSH it’s still probably my favourite thing i’ve ever written tbh <33 im back into the swing of writing so nightlight coming soon!! as always please read the warnings <//3
18+ -> minors / blank blogs dni -> dark content
Creak.
Footsteps. Footsteps right in front of you. Right in front of your hiding place.
Please don’t stop. Please don’t stop. Please keep walking. Please. If there’s any god out there please make him keep walking.
Bang.
His fist hits the desk right above your head. Fuck. Fuck. Shit. Why the fuck did you even hide? It was dumb. So dumb. You can’t get away. Maybe if you ran, kept running forever you could get away. But you can't. Not anymore. It’s too late for any of that.
“There you are, pretty doll.” His sick smile is all you see as he leans down, face coming into view. He’s crazy. He’s fucking crazy. You know that. You do.
You knew from the moment he knocked on your door in the middle of the night. He was practically buzzing as he rocked on his heels. His speech was weird, manic. He’s never spoken like that before. Not whenever he would come knocking on your door asking for sugar, at least.
You tried to be polite, you really did. You tried to make small talk, to politely excuse yourself, your hands shaking. You tried to close the door on him but it just wouldn’t shut as he kept rambling. His foot was shoved in the way, preventing your escape. His dirty fucking sneakers– god even now you remember them so clearly. You remember so many things you wish you didn’t.
How he fucking smiled when you looked back up at him.
It makes your stomach churn to think about it now.
You remember clearly how he grabbed you. He forced his way inside, slowly backing you against the wall. You remember how he grabbed your wrists, talked about how tiny they were in his hands. Showed you only a moment of warmth before harshly biting into the skin, red rising to the surface, coating his tongue. A sound of pain was retched from your throat, trying to pull away while his grip only got tighter. His hips forced you into the wall, trapping you. Keeping you as prey.
He said you taste delicious.
It fucking echos in your head. Makes you go insane with how it repeats over and over again. Exactly how he said the words. The lilt in his tone, the smile that made him look like he just saw the face of god. How excited he sounded at the first taste of blood.
The way you could tell that he craved more.
Craved everything you had to give.
You didn’t think demons were real before that night. Ghosts, angels– anything that goes bump in the night was just a figment of one's imagination. Maybe hallucinations. But this, this was real. How you wish this was all just some stupid hallucination.
Nothing is paranormal before you face the devil himself.
Nothing is more terrifying than when the devil wants you.
You learned that that night.
He dragged you next door, throwing you to the ground. He looked like a shadow, only a silhouette as he stood in the doorway. The moon casting a glow from behind him. You couldn't see his face, none of it was legible as you scrambled backwards. Trying, trying so desperately to put some space between yourself and the beast.
His shoulders heaved as he panted. Like a fucking monster that just got his kill.
He had.
He closed the doors. Locked them with what felt like a million keys. He started fucking giggling. Giggling like a goddamn lunatic as his demeanour changed completely. He was smiling like an innocent little kid. He was happy. The happiest you had ever seen a person before.
“Ahhh~” He sighed, glee laced in his all too cheery tone. It was like nails on a chalkboard. Speaking, churning in your ears so it's all you can hear. It mocks you. Mocks your very being. Mocks you for trying to live a normal life away from him.
You remember how he clung to you that night as you sobbed. Whining about how you shouldnt be sad, that you were home now. He’d coo, playing with your hair as he tried to ‘soothe’ your trembling body. His arms wrapped around you in a vice. It felt like he was choking the air out of your lungs.
Maybe he was trying, maybe he wanted you dead. You really had no clue. You just wanted to get away– be as far away from him as you could. You’d do anything, you told him as much. Change your name, leave the country. You promised you wouldn’t tell anybody! You would tell him anything if it meant you could leave.
But he kept you in place. Tucked in his arms. His entire body wrapped around yours, keeping you close. Keeping his face nuzzled into your neck. Smelling you. Smelling your fear.
He loves that smell.
If you let him he would breathe it in all the time, treating it as the very thing that keeps him alive. Well, until you die anyway. But he knows that won't be anytime soon! You’re strong. You're tenacious. He knows you are. You’ve dealt with so much in your life, you can deal with him too. He just knows it.
He wonders what all of your other emotions smell like.
Hmm.. What about love? That would be an interesting smell. Maybe it would be sweet like honey? Maybe bitter like chocolate… Humans are so interesting. They're so fun.
You are especially. And he knows you’ll like him too. He’s sure of it as you finally tire yourself out, falling asleep on his beat up mattress. Mmhmm crying for hours must really hurt your soul. Poor thing. He would fix it. Fix you up all nice and pretty. Yeah, he knows just how to. His pretty experiment.
Well, he thinks that’s all you are. A nice human experiment for him to play with. To learn everything about. Learn what makes them tick, what makes them laugh, what makes them cry. Seokjin told him as much. He could keep a little human as a pet, dispose of them when necessary. But… he doesn’t want to let you go! Just the thought makes him want to cry!
You are already better than he ever imagined!
Bang.
The chair blocking your body is thrown back, assaulting the wall with a deafening crash. Your hands come up, covering your ears. Shit Shit Shit! Fuck, what are you going to do, what are you going to do?! Your body forces itself as far as it can into the corner of the desk. All you can hear, all you can think about is the sound of your heartbeat ringing in your ears.
Why are you so dumb?! You knew you couldn’t win! You never win any of his games!
He squats in front of you, blocking your only means of escape. You hear him, watch him inhale deep before letting out a sick laugh. One that makes you want to cry. One that makes you feel like trying to run– trying to hide is useless. Maybe it is. You don’t see how you could possibly get away.
The pictures covering his walls tell you everything you need to know.
“Found you.” He smiles, crawling towards your body, crawling towards your last bit of safety. He looks like a monster– he is a monster. He can’t be human. He can’t. You refuse to believe it. Your legs kick, they try to get away. They try to be your last line of defence but his face only shows that of an owner looking at a puppy having a fit. He looks so fond of you.
You want to scream.
He grabs your ankle. It hurts. Everything hurts. You should’ve become numb at this point, you wish you had. You feel your body slip out from under the desk, dragged against the hard floor. Pick you up with ease, lay you down in his bed. His gross disgusting bed.
He pouts. He fucking pouts at you. Sits in front of you..
“Don't tell me you’re jealous.” His frowns, tilting his head at you. “I didn't mean to make you! I swear! I just wanted to show you. How much I love you…how good I could make my pretty doll feel.” You could never be jealous. Not of anything involving him.
Especially not involving the putrid fucking sex doll that lays next to you in bed.
How he fucked it last night, making you watch. Made you hold his hand while he thrust into the thing. Made you cup his face as he came inside.
“How I’ve been practicing just for you.” He coos, a smile gracing his lips as he moves to his knees, crawling towards you in the bed. “Humans are just so hard to understand…And I really couldn’t wait for you any longer.”
You don’t hear his words. Your eyes fixated on the doll that looks just like you. Every freckle the same, every mole. Every fucking tiny detail mirrored yours in a lifeless, hollow core made of silicon. Filled up with his cum. You don’t want to think about how many times he’s fucked it. How many times he’s pretended having sex with you while holding it close. How much he had to have spent to get such a thing.
How deep whatever he feels for you runs.
You swear it probably coats his veins. Running under every inch of this skin. Giving it colour. Giving it life. It's all you’re able to think about when he leaves you alone in the apartments. It’s hard for you to swallow. To believe for yourself. You wish it is a lie.
You let him get close. You let him into your bubble for only a second. You allow his face into your neck. Biting your skin, drawing blood once again. He loves the taste. You think he's probably obsessed with it. You wanted to recoil away, disgusted with how he hums, lapping at the skin. But you don’t. You need to let him have this. Even if it's just for a second.
You close your eyes tight. You feel him relax. He thinks you’re giving in. You know he does. You can do this. You can do this. You may have only made this decision a moment ago as you stared at the doll, but you had to do this. You had to do it for yourself. It may be the last chance you get. You can’t stop fighting.
You can do this. You can do this.
The mantra chants over and over again in your head like a prayer. You feel his hand reach up, covering your clothed breast with his palm. Massaging it carelessly, without any thought or respect for you. In his head you’re probably the same as that fucking sex doll.
Your knee shoots up. Right into his crotch. Right where it hurts the most. Your hands shove him with all the strength in your body, getting him off of you. Getting him away for only a moment while he recovers. Maybe. Maybe you can make it out of the door. Or maybe you can make it to the bathroom and lock yourself inside. Maybe you have a chance. Just maybe.
Your body scrambles off of the bed, moving faster than you ever thought was possible. You race towards the door, arm reaching out for the handle. You’re so close. You’re almost there. You’re almost able to get away.
Freedom is within your grasp, it's so close you can taste it. He forgot to lock the door, you know he did. You didn't hear any of them click back in place when he came inside. He was too caught up in the moment with trying to find you. If you make it there then maybe, just maybe you can get outside. Run as fast and as far away as you can. Call the police and escape from him. Spread the wings he’s tried to clip.
You land flat on your face.
Not even your arms are able to cushion your fall.
A hand wraps around your ankle, pulling you, dragging you again. Backwards. Back into the cage. Back to him. His chest heaves. His shoulders hunch. He looks dishevelled. Crazed.
He has that fucking smile plastered on his face.
“I love it when you run. It's so pretty.” He giggles, “You know me so well.”
You kick at him, thrash your body as he pulls you closer and closer. “Get the fuck away from me!” You yell, though it falls on deaf ears. All the strength in your body is being used to get away. To try and escape from him. He can’t be human. He’s too strong. Even with your struggle he still lifts you easily, like you’re just some fucking little kid having a temper tantrem.
“I’ve been so patient…” He sighs, placing– rather, forcing you onto the edge of the bed. Your knees on the floor as your torso is pressed against the mattress. Your arms pinned behind your back with one of his hands. Your hips pinned in place with his own. You can feel his cock against you. He’s hard. “I really am patient, you know?”
He hums, gently rocking his hips against you. His entire length pressed against your cunt. Taunting you. Words are not needed for you to know what’s to come. “It’s really too bad you know? I’ve run out.”
The simple statement makes your blood run cold.
“I’ve been so gentle…so caring…” He purrs, forcing his sweatpants down his legs. Just enough for his cock to spring free. Just enough for him to be able to stroke himself. For him to press the fat head where he wants– no, no. Needs to be. “I’ve really been trying my best to be good for you.”
You wish you could see. You wish you could see everything– exactly what he is doing. What he is planning to do to your wrecked frame. If, if everything wasn’t such a surprise then maybe… maybe you could make it a little better. But like this… you’re helpless. You’re trapped. You hate it. You can’t stand it. You wish you still had more tears left to cry. But you know it’s over. You can’t do anything now.
Exactly how he wants it– wants you.
You feel him stop moving, an excited gasp resonating from his throat. His entire presence changes in a flash, giddiness taking him over as the cogs in his brain turn. Making up his own story, his own reality changing all over again. “Unless, you don't want me to be good for you? You want me to take what I want? That’s why you’ve been trying to run and hide?”
His frame towers over yours, his full weight pressing against your back forcing you deeper into the bed as he mumbles into your ear. “All you had to do was say so~”
All you can do is whimper in response. Whimper like a wounded animal that's been forced to accept their fate. Your head is blank, devoid of all thoughts and feelings. There is nothing. Nothing you can do.
Maybe he’s right.
Maybe a small part of you does like it. Who knows. You certainly don’t.
He blows gently on your ear, teasing you before he leans back. Your bottoms are forced down, exposing your cunt to the entire room. You can feel him practically buzzing with excitement. With some sick pleasure found deep within his gut.
“So pretty!” He whines, spreading your cheeks to get a full view of your pretty little cunt. You hate that you’re already wet. You hate that the feeling of his cock did it to you just moments before. You hate that he can see it. You hate the way pride bubbles up in his gut. The way you can hear him lick his lips like a starved man.
Hate what the other little voice is saying inside of your head. Hate that even maybe a little bit of your soul wants to feel him. The quiet fucked up voice that you always try to silence in the dead of night when you’re left with your thoughts.
“Mm… I wanna taste you so bad but… I really can’t wait anymore… what am I supposed to do!!” You can practically hear the pout plastered on his lips. “Ah~”
The fat head of his cock finds its way back to your cunt, dragging itself up and down your lips. Milking every last bit of wetness out of your hole. Your nails dig into your own hands— maybe his. It’s hard to tell where you stop and he begins. When he’s this close it’s hard to tell much of anything.
“We have forever together don’t we?” He chuckles, his head stopping at your unprepped little hole. Attempting to push into it with just enough pressure to have you squirm. Have you bite down on the sheet to silence any sounds that might try to come through. He’s too thick. “We can try out all sorts of fun things together~”
His thumb aids as he tries to push the head of his cock inside. Prodding, trying to force his way inside without a care in the world for how it might hurt. How it might feel for you. He’s too big— you’re, you’re too tight. You can’t take it! It won’t fit you just, just–!
“Mmmm!!” A muffled cry breaks free from your throat as the head of his cock buries itself in your cunt. Your ears ring, pain taking over your senses as he lets out a mouth watering, near pornographic moan from above you.
His grip on your wrists tighten, eyes staring at where he’s fucked himself into you. Wow~ it’s so pretty. He never expected a human to feel this good! It’s incredible! Magnificent! And this is just the first inch of him? Oh my… he can only imagine what bottoming out with feel like— how it will feel when his cock is pressed against your cervi—
Wait wait!! He’s getting ahead of himself again. A gasp leaves his throat as he pulls out, a muffled whine leaving your own. Your hole clenches around nothing. What a cute little thing! It’s calling him back in!! He knew you wanted this, he knows all about you huh?
He drags his cock back and forth through your lips again, red mixing in with the pretty white. He dips his cock head over and over again into your entrance, thrusting himself deeper and deeper every time. Stretching you just perfectly around his length.
Hmm, humans like prep right? He figures that this is close enough. His doll doesn’t need it. She just takes him right away— someday you’ll be the same! He just needs to break you in! But until then, he needs to savour this… who knows when you might come around again?
Mmm… you’re too mean to him. Yeah, that’s all it is.
Ah, it’s too bad he’s too lost to notice you’re already falling apart. Your back is arching on its own. Working without permission to give him a better angle. Your hips bucking, leaning back ever so slightly as he presses into your cunt. Urging him just a little deeper. Your pussy is too wet to think about anything, your head in a daze as he teases you, taunts you relentlessly.
You don’t want this— at least you think you don’t. But, it’s so hard to know what you really want when your head gets like this. When it’s actually feeling good. When the pleasure mixes with pain to concoct something dangerous. Something that makes you unsure of anything, really. Maybe you’re dumb, maybe you’re stupid. Yeah. You probably are. But that’s okay. He likes that.
He likes you.
He slides his cock inside of your hole, his hand moving to your ass as thrusts his hips. Forcing his cock deeper and deeper with each stroke. Your walls clenching around every inch that pushes its way inside. God, you’ve never felt so full. You’ve never felt anything like this. Anything like his cock, anything like him.
Whimpers, whines, all sorts of sounds escape your throat as you let him do what he pleases. Give into whatever twisted pleasure is being given to you. It’s hard to stop them when he’s even louder— panting like a fucking dog as he feels you. Feels every inch of you. Makes you two become one.
He fucks into you so hard it hurts. So hard that your entire body is being pushed into the bed, spine curving up to meet him with every demonic thrust of his hips. Every time the skin of his thighs meets your ass, every time the head of his cock meets with your cervix, pain racks through your body. You can’t take it. You feel like you’re going crazy. You feel like you’re the insane one.
The sound of skin against skin penetrating the sound of your ears like some sort of sick, twisted song. A song he plays so well. One you don’t want him to stop. No matter how much it hurts, how it stings you, you just can’t find it in yourself to push him away. His moans feel like a siren’s voice, luring you closer and closer, pushing you so close to the edge.
“Why’s she so mean!” He whines, his thrusts frantic and hurried. Only caring for his own pleasure, only caring about him. “Won’t let me in any deeper doll! Can you believe that?” He groans, pressing his cock so hard against your cervix you nearly scream in pain. Your body thrashes, trying to get away from the sensation.
He shushes you quietly, leaning his torso against your back as he coos. “Shh… shh… it’s okay… we won’t try that today okay? Must be too much for you… poor thing.” His hips relent, slowly rocking into your battered cunt to give you a little bit of a break. To rest before the main event.
You want to cringe at how wet you sound, how messy you’ve become due to his cock and his cock alone. How greedily your pussy takes him, urging him back with every thrust. Wanting it. Wanting him.
You see his arm reach past your head, grabbing onto your mimics hair. Pulling the doll closer. Holding its head so it’s staring right into your eyes. It’s so lifeless. So hollow.
“It’s okay.” You can hear the smile in his voice. “Someday you’ll take me just like she can, yeah? You’ll be sooo~ good for me.” His hips start to pick up their pace again, thighs slapping against your ass so hard you might see stars. So hard you actually want to listen to him.
“I had to break her in too, real good.” He pants out, losing himself in the feeling of your tight, warm walls.
You flinch away. You can’t look at it anymore. Can’t look at a face that is exactly your own yet so cold and distant. So lost. Used for months on end. Maybe a little sense comes back to you, a small part of reality seeping back into your skull.
He tsks. Fucking tsks and shakes his head in disappointment. “That won’t do… I need my girls to like each other…” He grabs your jaw, forcing you to look up at the thing. The creature with your hair and eyes.
“Kiss it.” His voice changes in a second, morphing into something commanding. Something scary.
Fuck reality. Living in whatever dream you’ve created for yourself is better. Better than facing this. You don’t want to disobey. You want to listen, want him to let you cum. Want to be good. Maybe want his praise, even if it’s just a little.
Your lips meet with the cold, lifeless silicon. Tasting whatever disgusting leftover cum can be found on its lips. He pushes the head against your lips, forcing you to lick your tongue inside. “Adorable!!”
He likes it. He likes it too much. You can tell.
Tell by the way his hips pick up speed, forcing your used hole to take him over and over again. Forcing you to accept him into your body. Forcing you to fall for his cock. Make sure no one else will ever be able to use it. Use you like the way he wants to.
Can tell by the way his cock twitches, his thrusts becoming sloppy. His pace completely out the window as he searches for nothing but his own release.
Maybe you like it too. Like the way his cum tastes. Like the way he took this, took all of you for himself. All of you flesh as his. The coil tightens in your stomach, white specks start to form behind your eyelids. You’re close, too fucking close you just can’t take it anymore.
A loud moan leaves your lips, muffled by the silicon held against your mouth. Waves of pleasure crashing through your frame like a tidal wave of ecstasy as white paints the inside of your walls. Ears ringing, vision gone white as endorphins fill your brain making you forget— forget everything about this moment. How fucked up it is. How you want more.
Your walls clamp around his cock as it jerks in your cunt, milking every last drop of cum from him. Filling you up until you’re stuffed. Until you can’t think anymore. Until you’re so tired you just want to collapse.
He drops the doll letting you pull your head back to finally be able to breathe again fully. Your frame slumps against the bed. Tired. Drained of everything it has to give.
He slowly pulls out of your abused little hole, watching the way it flutters around nothing. Watching the white mixed with red slowly drip out of it onto the rug. “Humans are such incredible little things…”
He smiles, shallowly dipping a finger inside your walls before popping it in his mouth. Just a little taste. “You did so good doll…” He pets your hair, gives you some sort of comfort after everything he’s done. It’s the least you deserve.
He moves your body into the bed with ease, pulling a blanket over your shaking form. A nap would be good right now. It’s always good to give humans at least one nap a day! Mhmm… and you seem like you could use one.
He moves behind you, wrapping an arm around your body from behind. Pulling you close to his chest. Making no mind to fix your clothes. This is good. This is right. It’s how it’s always supposed to have been!! Ah, and now he has all the time to make you understand that too. He’s so lucky. So lucky to have found such a good human.
“Night night dolly…” He whispers in your ear, brushing your hair gently. Coaxing you to sleep. “Let’s have a great day tomorrow too, yeah?”
Right. Tomorrow. Cause this is forever.
You can’t help the small smile that creeps to your lips at the thought. Forever. ♡
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