#things have been slowly building up to being really rough lately so it means a lot to get that kindness idk?

[strawbebyjam]

unexpected kindness after unintended vulnerability. yeah.

[foreingersgod]

babes ur writing is so good , can you write something where the reader is going to indiana with caitlin but is nervous that cait will forget about her ???

*i think i interpreted this wrong so i’m so sorry lmao

Champagne Coast . CC

pairing: caitlin clark x reader

synopsis: request ^

A/N: y’all i’m so sorry for how long this took me!! and i feel like my writing has really deteriorated so please give me feedback and let me know if you like it or totally hate it lmao, thanks for your patience!!

also sorry i had to use YN like ONCE !!

wc: 10.6k

Finishing eight or nine?

Tell me, what's the perfect time?

your bowl had been placed in the dishwasher long ago, countertop cleaned and leftovers placed in the nearly empty fridge. dinner was growing cold and you hadn’t cared to wait, opting to eat alone yet again before residing in the living room. the tv played in the background with some arbitrary doctors show from the 90s as you sat patiently watching the clock. the hands were beginning to collect dust, you noticed, though it had only been up for a few months upon your move to indiana. each tick seems to mock you the more time dragged on.

she was supposed to be home long ago. practice would have been done at 8 or 9 and it was now approaching 11. this is what it always was, waiting up for her well into the night when the street lamps turned on and the sky grew dark. and you’d wait up like you always did as you were unable to sleep without her. especially in this new home, new bed, new sheets, new life. it never quite bothered you that caitlin would show up late every once and awhile, but it had started to become a habit, and you were left cold and alone. pestering her about being home at a certain time wasn’t fair to her by any means, knowing that she was just going and getting to know her team some more. but recently it felt like you were navigating this milestone in your life by yourself-your girlfriend hardly around to comfort your racing mind.

when caitlin had been drafted, you knew immediately in your heart that it was going to be rough. change was something of a challenge for you and it terrified you more than anything. you recalled sitting at that table, hearing her name announced and the deafening cheers, thinking about how excited you were for her. and even though you were thrilled for her, you couldn’t help but think about how your perfect world was going to slowly crumble. caitlin insisted that things wouldn’t fall apart, just adjust for the future you were going to build together. but now you were here, in this house-not home-trying to convince yourself that all of it was true.

suddenly, you were pulled from your period of musing when the lock of the front door clicked. it was followed by the faint creaking of hinges, old brass from the 70s, your land lord had claimed. you thought she was full of shit. weary eyes traveled to the opening door to see a very tired caitlin walking in. her hair was tousled, post practice shirt just slightly wrinkled, the slightest bags under her eyes that she insisted weren’t there. she was struggling with the move just as much as you, though she’s never admit it.

“hey,” you uttered just enough to be heard over the television. feelings of your isolation had begun to dissipate the moment you saw your girl, relief running through your veins “you’re home”

“yea” she cleared her throat as she let her bag fall to the floor. the squeak of her shoes echoed against the walls when she toed them off, eventually setting them on the rack beside the door. there was an uneasiness laced in her voice you had picked up on. she didn’t seem angry nor irritated, but she was far from her usual self when she was home. she’d typically be thrilled to see you, ready to be in your arms again and let the stress from the day wash off. you were the first thing she’d looked for when she stepped across the threshold. but tonight, her eyes were hesitant to find yours.

“are you alright?” you watched as she shuffled into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water, skipping over the leftovers that you had considerately set aside just for her. her favorite meal dished into the nicest tupperware you owned. her slim figure leaned against the cool marble countertop, taking a swig of the water “you seem a bit…off”

“just tired” she glanced at you, locking eyes for what felt like the first time since she’d been home. a weak smile made its way onto her lips as she studied your position on the couch. you couldn’t lie, she did look tired, but part of you couldn’t shake the feeling that had been consuming you for months. the distance that basketball had created made it feel like you and caitlin were living separate lives, when really, this should be something you tackled together. you couldn’t blame her for any of it even if you wanted to, just hoping that things would go back to the way they were.

you wished she were home more, that her presence would provide you some sort of reassurance. maybe just to convince you that you weren’t going insane, liked you were trapped within these walls for a reason other than her career. it had been a while since you felt like you were living a life that didn’t solely revolve around caitlin’s.

“okay” you smiled back bitterly without pressing any further. any energy you had for a conversation like that had left your body hours ago. reaching for the remote and lifting yourself off the couch, you motioned to the stairwell. considering she didn’t even acknowledge the food, you assumed settling down for the night was what you both needed “ready for bed?”

she blinked rapidly, kissing her teeth silently when she noticed the annoyance in your voice. guilt consumed her as she saw the look on your face, the twinge of desire lost from your eyes.

“mhm” she hummed in agreement as she followed you upstairs to the bedroom.

maybe you both just needed some sleep, caitlin thought. neither of you were mad nor cross with each other, but you’d be fools if you didn’t sense the tension in the air. things had been different for quite some time now, all of it too confusing to address, leaving you to wallow in the awkwardness for days now. but if there was any time, any place, where all that was left at the door? it would be here with each other in bed. it was something of a safe haven, nothing else mattered when you left your worries at the door and held each other tightly.

like clockwork, you stripped of your typical daywear down to your lace panties and one of caits t-shirts. it had a worn down high school logo on it, the design fading from the countless times it had been through the wash. she, likewise, pulled her sweaty gym shirt off her body to replace it with one from her closet. you crawled under the covers whilst you took off your earrings, setting them on the small tray on your nightstand-something you picked out at target when you and caitlin went decor shopping for the new apartment. you had barely noticed caitlin also climbing into bed as the memory of that day overtook you. no words were exchanged as you both settled into the sheets, pulling the thick duvet over your shoulders and finally letting your muscles relax. it was only when a pair of burley arms wrapped around your waist, a familiar nose prodding against your collarbone, did the silence break.

“love you” caitlin whispered, breath warm on your skin “m’sorry i was late tonight and that i missed dinner. i’ll make it up to you”

“s’ok cait,” you murmured, sleep tugging at your eyelids. you brought a hand up to her head as you raked your fingers through her hair, she always loved it when you did “i love you too”

it mattered not what she did to make it up to you. she could do anything in the world, buy you countless gifts, take you on a million trips, but it wouldn’t change the one thing your heart desired for.

her.

I told you I'll be waiting

Hiding from the rainfall

trying to navigate to the locker room was a difficult task, having to push past the cheering crowds in a stadium you weren’t familiar with. you were surrounded by a blur of seattle’s green and yellow jerseys as you looked for any sort of path to follow. indiana had just taken quite the loss against the storm and you knew, the second you heard the buzzer sound, that you needed to find caitlin as soon as possible. eventually, you found where you needed to be and beelined for the locker room, hoping she hadn’t already gone looking for you.

the large metal doors stood tall in front of you when you arrived at the locker room entrance. the shift from the excitement out on the stadium floor to this quiet displeasure was staggering and you weren’t even inside yet. whatever you were about to be faced with would break your heart, you could already see it now. you pictured caitlin sitting down, head in her hands as she tapped her foot anxiously and made her best attempt to hold back her tears. she had been struggling with everything recently-the move, the new team, the continuous losses-it was slowly chipping away at her.

however, after pushing the doors open and stepping inside, it was quite the opposite from what you expected. the doors clicked shut behind you, causing the noise to reverberate around the desolate room as you took in the sight before you. and just as you imagined, your heart slowly began to twinge. caitlin sat there on the bench alone, head leaned against her locker as her chest heaved up and down. tears cascaded down her face and her lip quivered the more she sobbed. wispy strands of hair stuck to her forehead from all the sweat and her hands clutched the sides of her head in frustration. you had never seen her in such a state. caitlin was typically reserved, even with you, not wanting to be open and vulnerable. but here you were, seeing her with all of her guards down.

“caitlin” you breathed, immediately rushing over to her. you fell to your knees, body slotting between her thighs. shaky hands came to rest on her legs hesitantly as to not make matters worse “hey, hey what’s going on baby?”

she made a weak attempt at looking at you, tears blurring her vision. a hiccup escaped her chapped lips when she felt your soothing touch on her clammy skin. caitlin couldn’t even manage the words, thoughts lost in her own mind, only tangling more as she continued her cries. she managed to push herself off the locker, letting herself collapse into you as she shook her head. something to signal her unwillingness to talk. her large arms and heavy torso clashed against you as you enveloped her into a hug. warm tears dropped onto your shoulder as she pressed her cheek into your clavicle, creating a damp spot on your indiana fever t-shirt.

“shhh, i know you’re upset,” you rubbed circles onto her back, palm running across the fabric of her jersey “but i need you to talk to me, i can’t make it better if you won’t tell me”

“i just-” she croaked, voice wavering “i feel like…like a failure”

your body went stiff, the movements of your hand stopping momentarily. you hoisted her back up to face her in disbelief. the confession had taken you aback-not that caitlin had been anything but humble, but she knew how amazing she was, of her immense impact on the sport. to hear that word tumble from her lips, masked by a series of desperate whimpers, was enough to break you.

“caitlin,” you dragged on, feeling yourself at a loss for words. everyone thought so highly of your girl and it crushed you to hear her say those words “you are so far from that”

you watched her throat bob as she swallowed harshly. she tugged at the bottom of her jersey, bringing it up to her face to wipe some of the sweat away. in reality it was just an excuse to hide her blood shot eyes. another shake took possession of caitlin’s head to deny your statement.

“yea well my performance begs to differ”

“one bad game isn’t-”

“it’s not just one game” she cut you off before you could even begin to disagree. she had stopped crying by now, intense emotions now overtaken by aggravation “it’s several games. i keep fucking up. missing shots, turning over the ball-shit”

her rambles trailed off in a rampage of huffs and groans, her breath hot as she breathed angrily out of nose. she was always too hard on herself, lost in the heat of the moment and not giving herself any grace for all the hard work she’s put in thus far. it was a topic that began to consume your daily life. caitlin couldn’t seem to shake off the struggles of the day, in turn bringing them home where they became your baggage as well. of course you didn’t mind being there for your girl-hell, you’d do anything for her no matter what-but it was all starting to get exhausting.

you hated that you had these thoughts in the first place, feeling like a bad partner because you couldn’t bare the repetition of these conversations. time after time after time again you’d beat yourself up over it. caitlin deserved the world and more, but you deserved that just as much and these restless nights weren’t providing that. you didn’t even know what to say anymore, torn between how you wanted to proceed.

“there’s a lot on your plate,” you reassured, getting off your knees and taking a seat next to her on the bench. caitlin’s head automatically went to your shoulder as you took one of her hands in yours “you’re just starting out…don’t be so hard yourself. i know it’s rough, but you’re doing what you can and that’s what makes you so amazing. give yourself some grace, babe”

“i know but,” she sniffled, feeling a sense of calmness rush over her as you toyed with her fingers. it kept her distracted, grounded her for the time being “i don’t know, i’ve just been wanting to be the best all the time-for everyone-and i can barley even keep my head straight”

“i think i can speak for everyone when i say you’ve blown us all away” you traced along her lengthy fingers “your fans, your family, me…we’re all so proud of how far you’ve come”

she sighed deeply, you could practically feel the relief dispersing in her veins. in trying times like this, this is exactly what she needed. you were the shoulder to cry on, the answer to all her problems.

“you always know what to say”

she was right, you did. you’d always have the most thoughtful response lined up, no matter the reason or time. partially because it came so naturally to you, having an empathetic heart since forever, but partially from the consistency of these conversations. you couldn’t even count on your fingers the amount of times you’d sit with caitlin on tough nights, rubbing her back and whispering softly in her ear to bring her back to reality.

“well it’s the truth” you chimed “i’m always going to be here for you, cait”

you always are.

she offered you a smile through puffy pink lips, sore from biting them in strain. caitlin found the strength to pull away from you as her hands left yours, only to plant them right back onto your cheeks. her hands felt heavy on your skin when she brought your face to hers gently. your lips met in a sharp yet delicate kiss, caitlin eager to feel you against her again. but it hadn’t felt usual to you, as your bottom lip caught between her teeth and as your tongue collided with hers. it lacked that passion, that thrill of reveling in your lovers embrace. what was once fire was now a mere ember is a pool of spreading ash. you had feared this feeling for quite sometime although you’d never admit it, it felt as if she was slipping through your fingers.

bit by bit.

Tell me, what's the joy of giving

if you're never pleased?

she had changed.

locking herself away and distancing herself further from you as the season went on. she had always been hard on herself, but even then, she knew when enough was enough and what her limits were. but it seemed that after each game, she lost control of herself more and more. you had never seen her be so critical, so judgmental about her abilities.

it was hard to watch one of the most important people in your life shut themselves away. you wanted nothing more than to be there for her, but she put on the same facade each time and claimed that it as a slump to overcome. but could you really call it a slump when it was starting to weasel its way into the foundations of your relationship?

you hated to think it, but you felt neglected; your wellbeing didn’t feel like it was a priority to caitlin anymore. she used to be so sweet, attentive and caring when you were back in iowa. you wished that you were just as important as basketball. but the mere thought of accusing her of abandoning you seemed harsh when you considered bringing it up to her, because in all fairness, she was undergoing one of the biggest milestones in her life. but that didn’t mean that pushing you aside was fair either. you were taking care of the apartment, running all the errands, helping her balance her schedule, comforting her every single night as she saught after you for solace…and then managing your own life on top of that.

some days it felt like she didn’t even bat an eye at the lengths you went for her. how her laundry was done and set on her dresser, how dinner was made each night, how you picked up her favorite protein powder at the grocery store because you noticed that she was running low? she had began to expect it the more you pushed, not even offering so much as a ‘thank you’ or any regard of appreciation.

you could only give so much with little in return, you need her just as much as she needed you.

On my last strength against you

Baby, tell me what you need

you were happy for her, truly you were. it was so rewarding to see caitlin bond with her team and start to navigate her place in the W. she was beginning to believe in herself and that’s all a girlfriend could want for her partner. but something continued to gnaw at you.

you were doing everything in your power to make more time for caitlin-even if it should be the other way around. maybe by clearing up your schedule, it would make it easy for caitlin to make time for you. but you were sorely mistaken, you couldn’t force someone to make time for something that barely crossed their mind. and perhaps it was a foolish thought. an accusation a bit too cruel, but it was hard to watch caitlin celebrate life without you when most of it was owed to you. no one else served as her backbone, her crutch as she climbed her way to the top.

it was a bittersweet feeling for the most part. you smiled when seeing all the team pictures posted on instagram, chuckling lightly when caitlin retold stories of practices as she got ready for bed each night-the only time you seemed to get with her nowadays. but then there were the tears when you ate meals alone at the head of the table, staring off into the empty seat where she should be sat. and of course the mornings where you didn’t feel like getting out of bed because facing reality of your crumbling relationship was too much to bare.

it was an unfair truth; as she glances off in another direction, you’ll be glancing back to her.

Young as I want to know

I will never let you go

“baby?” her voice felt foreign in your ear. you hadn’t heard that pet name in a while.

“hm?” you responded mindlessly, unable to form a genuine reaction.

you were sat on the balcony of you apartment, the sliding glass doors open behind you. it would let the autumn chill into the house, you told caitlin many times to not leave it open. but she disregarded your commands as she leaned against the frame of the door. you had a small blanket draped over your lap to protect your bare legs from the nippy weather of the changing seasons, your chin resting on your palm as you over looked the view of indiana. your mind felt blank and overcrowded at the same time and trying to clear your head with some fresh air didn’t seem to help at all.

you hadn’t realized she would be home so soon. after all it was 5:00 on a friday evening, you presumed she’d be out with the team or running extra drills with aliyah, hell even at a media event of some sorts. you never knew what it was anymore with her. she didn’t bother to text or update you, most times you only knew of her whereabouts from socials or her family.

“are you ok?” she asked again “it’s freezing out here, you should be inside”

“it’s too stuffy” you sighed, inhaling sharply as the breeze brought in another gust “i can’t be in there right now”

you felt her tense up behind you, the image of her shoving her hands into her pockets formed in your peripheral. this was the most you two had interacted in a while, but your moody attitude appeared sudden to caitlin.

“why not?”

“jus’ can’t”

an unsteady silence filled the atmosphere. the only noises left to be heard were the sniffling of your red and runny nose and the traffic blaring below the apartment complex. you had hoped she’d leave you alone and walk back inside. the optimism of trying had started to disappear and you didn’t think you had much fight left in you. you planned to savor the last bits of energy you had to keep this alive, although today didn’t feel like one of those days. you continued to look out into the distance when she finally moved. you felt the spot next to you plunge as she took a seat.

“you never answered me,” her hand came to rest reassuringly on your thigh. despite the blanket that separated your skin, the contact still felt cold “are you doing ok?”

she had already picked up on your weariness, you were never so shut off when you were with her. but you couldn’t pretend to care when she couldn’t either.

“mhm” everything in you fought to not make it sound so obvious, the sound of your heart breaking as you croaked out the words “i’m good”

caitlin was doing so well and you couldn’t bring yourself to be the bitchy girlfriend that was groveling for attention. you weren’t okay, your relationship wasn’t, but if you just sat in the quiet and let it blow over then maybe it would be. you feared being seen as selfish and you felt guilty as you pushed caitlin away with your short answer.

she huffed, pulling her hand away from you as she hunched over her self, elbows on her knees and head in her hands.

“weeks ago you were talking about how excited you were for fall” she muttered “so that you could put out decorations and we could cuddle up on the couch and watch those old scary movies you love so much”

you allowed yourself to look in her direction, noticing how her face was covered by her beautiful long hair. but you didn’t need to see her to know that she wasn’t pleased.

“but the house looks the same and you’ve been sitting on the balcony every day even though you know it’s gonna make you sick” she craned her neck to look out across the city and you could see the trail of tears in her eyes. just glossy, but not enough to fall “it doesn’t sound like you’re ok”

you couldn’t do this, not right now.

“i’m sorry” you breathed “i understand your concern. i just think i’m a little stressed is all you know? just got a lot going on right now and i guess my focus has just been elsewhere. i’m sorry”

a nearly complete lie, all your focus had been on her these days.

“no need to be, i get it, and you know you can always talk to me about these things. but you gotta come inside, babe” she prodded “you’ll catch a cold”

with reluctance, you gave into her request and pushed the blanket off your lap. caitlin watched as you folded it and draped it over your arm before taking your hand and guiding you inside. the warmth and the calming pumpkin scent of your candle enveloped you like a hug, putting you at ease for the time being.

the both of you fell back into your typical routine almost instantly. no words were exchanged as she headed upstairs to shower, and you moseying into the kitchen to start on dinner. some polite conversation was made when caitlin came back downstairs with wet hair and freshly moisturized skin to help you finish dinner, but that’s as far as it went. no hugs from behind as you stood at the stove, no kisses on the neck, no laughter that was pure enough to make your stomach hurt. but it was simple and it was nice, enough to hold you over until the rubber band holding you together finally snapped.

Trading a baseball lover as I face the snow

“alright,” you said as you walked into the living room, heels padding against the carpet of the hallway and your dress itching at the skin on your legs. your fingers fiddled with your last earring, making you huff in relief when the clasp finally shut “i’m ready!”

it was date night tonight, the first in what felt like years, and there weren’t any words that could describe how ecstatic you were. just the thought of some much needed bonding time with caitlin gave you hope. yes times have been tough, but there wasn’t anything a little quality time (and maybe some good sex) couldn’t fix. you had been planning this night for sometime, making sure you both had the evening off and meticulously scheduling every last minute of the night. you were optimistic that tonight would open up a new door for progress.

but when you walked into the living room, your heart sunk. here you were, all dolled up with the prettiest smile on your face, waltzing into the most disappointing sight.

caitlin sat on the couch, legs spread and back against the soft cushions. she had her phone in hand, hair pulled back like always…and most definitely in a dirty tee shirt from her hamper and a pair of sweats. certainly not date attire, you knew.

“cait” you stood blankly “it’s 7:00”

“uh yea” she responded, only looking up from her phone for a moment, then quickly doing a double take once she realized your physical state “what’s with the dress? i mean you look as beautiful as always but-”

“are you serious?” you scoffed. you couldn’t believe what you were hearing. never in a million years did you think this would happen in your relationship. caitlin wasn’t like that.

“what do you mean ‘am i serious’?” she was taken aback, frustration already evident on her face as her checks glowed a shade of red “i just asked a fucking question”

“you really don’t know?” shoulders slumping when you realized she actually did forget.

she shook her head, brows furrowing as she awaited your response. a quick “no” fell from her lips.

“is the 24th caitlin” you chewed at your lip nervously, trying to hold back tears. you voice wavered as it caught it your throat, making you sound weak and defeated “our date?”

the color drained from her face in seconds, gaze softening and lips downturned. she was off the couch in seconds as she stumbled towards you, bringing your hands into hers. but you pulled them away swiftly and shot her a glare. you were done with the excuses, done with being left in the dust

“babe, i’m so sorry” she shook her head and brushed off the sting that came with your reluctance to her touch “i totally spaced, i could’ve sworn it was next week”

“i’ve been talking about this for months, caitlin” the words stumbled out from gritted teeth, jaw clenched in anger. you had no idea what to say anymore.

she gulped deeply as she looked down to her feet, she was in the doghouse for sure. although you’d consider her fate to be much worse than that. you began to sniffle upon her silence. could she really not manage to say anything right now?

“let me make it up to you” she tried to compromise. part of her knew she’d never be able to outlive this, but she was delusional enough to still believe she could somehow fix it.

“no,” you breathed, bending down to take off your heels. there wasn’t even a point in salvaging this tonight “just forget it”

“no really, you’re upset and this meant a lot to you and i want to fix it”

that was your breaking point. perhaps she didn’t mean it that way, but did she really only see this as something important to you? did she care at all about spending time with you? you wouldn’t be dumb to think that she wouldn’t, she had hardly done anything recently to make you think otherwise.

“really?” you sneered again, there was nothing holding you back anymore. you tossed your shoes onto the couch, leaving them as a problem for later “you want to fix this because it meant a lot to me?”

caitlin tried to study your facial features as she said nothing yet again. she couldn’t tell if you were genuinely mad or just annoyed, willing to forgive or prepared to hold this against her. she noticed the deepened tones of your cheeks and nose, the twitch of your left eyebrow, and the motion of your tongue darting out to sooth the previous bites on your lip. she had never seen you this mad, not in the eternity she had known you. you were such a sweet and loving person, incapable of talking bad about someone or staying mad for long. but she’d be damned if it felt you hadn’t changed within a second.

“i thought you would’ve cared too” you continued “you know, since i’m your girlfriend and you should also want to spend time with me”

“i do spend time with you”

“the fuck you do”

“what the hell does that mean?” she questioned angrily “of course i do, i’ve just been busy”

“please enlighten me then” you couldn’t help but roll your eyes “when was the last time we spent time together?”

“well what about tuesday, huh? when we, uh..when we watched that movie before bed? or when we both went to the team dinner the other night? that was spending time together wasn’t it?”

“no i watched the movie, you barely talked to me all night and the crawled into bed and went to sleep with your back turned,” you choked up as you recalled the memory, you remembered how much it broke your heart. your fingers came to pinch the bridge of your nose as the familiar sting of tears washed over you. “and really, the team dinner? you call that spending time? is it really that if you just chat with your buddies the whole night? you practically ignored me the entire time”

she kissed her teeth at you, clearly aggravated, but deep down she knew you were right. she hadn’t been good to you at all these last few months. and if she were to really be fair to herself, she’d have to admit that it was taking a toll on her too. she didn’t know why she was doing this, why she was acting this way, but she had already made her bed and she’d have to lie in it. this was a habit she knew she’d been baring for quite some time, pulling away when things got hard, leaving her loved ones to cope with the pain from her mistakes. and it broke her heart each time, but with you, it was like she was losing air.

“i’m trying here, alright?” her throat was dry as she tried to give you some poor excuse. she was too caught up in her own shame that she was digging her grave deeper.

“look caitlin,” you glared “i don’t know what the hell is going on with you, but i’m tired. trying just won’t cut it. i know you’ve felt the distance too, we haven’t been normal for a while now and it’s killing me. i can’t eat alone every night, have you come home just to ignore me, and the only time i get with you is under the public eye or with your friends. i know you have shit going on, cait, but you keep pushing me further and further away from you and i don’t know how much longer i can take it. i’m here for you time and time again and you can’t find it in yourself to set aside one fucking night for me”

you chewed at your lip, carefully navigating your next move before continuing.

“i left my entire life behind for you, caitlin. my friends, my family, everything that i have ever known. i left it all to be here with you and support you. and the fact that i spend every day mourning you when you’re in the same house is suffocating, i just can’t do it”

body shaking with anticipation, you looked down at your bare feet. you couldn’t bring yourself to look her in the eyes anymore. before you could stop it, sobs racked your body, tears cascading down your face. the emotions were too much to handle.

“babe-” she cooed, voice softening upon your confession. she’d never felt so disappointed in herself.

“stop,” you said meekly, cutting her off through your own sniffles. you forced yourself to look at her briefly, wiping away the mascara that had definitely accumulated under your eyes. whatever she had to say, you couldn’t hear it tonight. whether it be an apology or total rejection, the end to this period of suffering was about to end and you weren’t ready to deal with it head on yet “i think we need some time, caitlin. i just-i’m too upset and i’m hurting and i think time will do us some good”

“wait what?”

“you need to work out your shit. i don’t know, i think i’ll go to one of my friends places or something for a while..because i can’t put myself through anymore of this”

“no,” it came out as a blurt, her mouth moving before she could think. although she wouldn’t want to think, the image of you leaving plaguing her mind already “please, no, we can figure this out! god, fuck- just please don’t leave me”

you watched her slowly breakdown, she was becoming increasingly hysteric as begged you to stay. you gulped hard when she started crying along with you, another one of the few times she had shown you this side of her. it pained you to see the sight, your instincts told you to take it all back and reassure her everything was ok. but you had to keep your head high and remind yourself that things wouldn’t be ok if you didn’t look out for yourself, even if that included stepping away from caitlin for a few days.

“i’m not…i’m not leaving you, cait. just gonna take some time away, we both need to think about how this relationship is going to continue. and i can’t have an open mind if the cycle continues. but i promise it’s not goodbye, ok?”

she breathed through staggered hiccups, trying to force her body to relax. she couldn’t stand to be without you, even if it didn’t seem like it these past few months. her calloused hand came up to run down her face, taking the tears with it in an attempt to calm down.

“yea” she agreed, her voice barely above a whisper. she hated this, but she knew you both needed the time. you were always right “yea, ok”

and with that, you reluctantly stalked to the bedroom to pack a bag for a few days. shoving random shirts and shorts into the small duffel, avoiding the ones that you’d previously stolen from caitlin over the years. she had opted to sulk alone in the living room, bracing herself by sitting on the couch. she still couldn’t process any of this, the fact that she wouldn’t be with you for more than a day made her sick. even more sick at the fact that you couldn’t talk this out right away, you’d both have to navigate your feelings alone for a while.

she was perched at the edge of the couch, knee bouncing at an alarming rate. her gaze was fixed at the wall in front of her, staring at the variety of pictures that you’d hung on the wall. some of you both when you were younger, others of pictures with your families, and a few from the vacations and holidays you two shared since you’d been together. but her favorite ones, the ones she couldn’t bring herself to look away from, where the one of just you both. her eyes flickered across each and everyone, looking at the way you smiled at her, eyes almost welling up again when she saw how happy you guys were. she’d do anything to have those moments back, go back in time and stop herself from treating you so horribly.

she was disrupted from her period of musing when she heard you walk down the stairs for the second time tonight. you came into view with a bang slung across your shoulder, high heels replaced with a beat up pair of converse. you grabbed your keys as you stopped momentarily to give caitlin a saddened look, lips drawn in an apologetic smile. but you had nothing to be sorry for, caitlin thought when she gave you a similar look in return.

“hey,” she said before you could reach the front door. you turned your head, hand resting on the knob. desperation lingered in her eyes “i love you, and i’m so fucking sorry”

you dipped your head and pursed your lips, letting her know of your approval before fully opening the door and beginning a solemn ascent to your friends apartment.

“i know”

On my last strength against you

Baby, tell me what you need

it had been 6 days. 6 agonizingly long days.

she had nothing but time to think, and yet, she couldn’t seem to gather her thoughts at the same time. her mind was everywhere, bouncing from regret and guilt, to anger and dissatisfaction, and of course the remorse and pain. this is what caitlin was afraid of doing, pushing herself so far away that it had finally gotten to you. she’d gotten caught up in her head so deep that she failed to realize how much you were hurting. she’d never forgive herself for this.

everything felt gloomier without you, she noticed that now. there was a certain comfort in you being there, even if she did ignore you and push you to the side, you’d always be there and she abused that luxury. from the moment you left the essence of your shared home shifted uncomfortably. it was like a storm had unleashed its wicked winds to reign terror over the household, dulling your spirt that had kept it so pleasant and welcoming.

but she had to admit, the time was good. she needed to sit and make a change, promise herself that she’d get better for you. even if that did mean she’d have to sleep alone for a few nights, order takeout because her cooking would never amount to yours, brush her teeth before bed and come home from practice with you nowhere in sight. it was a necessary torture, but only temporary, she reminded herself. maybe she’d never know why she was acting the way she was, have to come to terms with the fact that she’s a shitty girlfriend and doesn’t deserve the apology she hoped you were willing to give. but despite knowing or not knowing, at least she could catch the poison that was her troubled subconscious before it could sink too deep. it was time to give up the self loathing and internal ridiculing. she wouldn’t let herself hurt you anymore

caitlin had always struggled with holding herself to an unachievable standard, convincing herself that she would never be enough or worthy of all this attention. she couldn’t believe that so many people wanted to watch her play, that she was first pick and that she was finally playing pro like she always wanted-part of her thought it was too good to be true. but she didn’t want to wake up from this implausible dream, forcing herself to go above and beyond just to hold onto it. and in the process, she’d forgotten to make time for you too. it was foolish, to ignore you like she had, you were her everything. every waking moment, at every practice and at every game, you consumed the entirety of her mind. at the end of the day, she was doing this all for you.

it was easy to get lost in the fame and the excitement and the pressure, but it shouldn’t have been enough to make her neglect you. nonetheless, she managed to do it anyways. so she took these 6 days to reflect and really target why she felt like she needed to act like this. she would go to the ends of the earth for you, willing to pick herself apart if it meant making it up to you.

Come into my bedroom

Come into my bedroom

her foot tapped nervously against the coir fiber of your friends doormat. a faded “welcome” written in black felt contradictory as she tried to find the motivation to knock. you hadn’t texted or called, hadn’t reached out to caitlin at all to let her know you were ready. but she needed you like she needed air and just had to see you. she had to finally apologize for how terrible she was acting, beg for your forgiveness because being away from you was eating her alive.

she let out a shaky breath as her closed fist met with the white wooden door, sending a loud pounding noise through the other side. caitlin could hear your friends dog barking and scratching against the door, followed by rushed footsteps that got increasingly closer. she barley had a moment to regather her thoughts before the door was pulled open harshly.

“caitlin?” your friend came into view, disheveled as she tried to keep her dog from running out the door. she quirked her eyebrows at caitlin’s presence, shocked and confused-and definitely a little angry-as to why she was at her door “what’re you doing here?”

“i um,” caitlin cleared her throat as if to stall, wanting more time to think of the right thing to say “i was hoping i could talk to-”

“i don’t think she’s ready to see you, cait” your friend muttered, trying to keep her voice down so you couldn’t hear. and you probably didn’t, caitlin was extremely aware of that.

“i know i know” caitlin urged “but i just need to see her ok? i need to make this right”

your friend chewed at the inside of her cheek as if contemplating her next move. you were her best friend and she’d do anything to protect you. after a few seconds, she shook her head and began closing the door, offering caitlin an apology and a goodbye as caitlin continued to beg for just one chance.

“no please, just let me see her! just a few minutes!” she said louder this time, slotting her sneaker clad foot in the doorway “i just need a second i swear to god-”

your friend put all she could into getting caitlin to leave, trying to push her out the door as quickly as possible. but she was persistent and continued her pleas.

somewhere in between the endless banter, through caitlin’s desperate cries and your friends agitated dismissals, came the answer to caitlin’s prayers. you were napping in the guest bedroom when she walked up the steps to your friends home, having been exhausted from sobbing throughout the night. just like caitlin, you hated sleeping alone. but your efforts to seek out peace were quickly interrupted when you heard subtle shouts from the the other room. curious and worried when you heard your friend raise her voice, you hurried to see what the commotion was all about.

you were surprised to the see the scene unfolding in front of you. your friend wrangling the door shut as her legs fought to keep the dog at bay, cussing out whoever was behind the door. you could’ve about laughed at her antics until you suddenly realized who it was that she was trying to shut out. you had assumed maybe an ex or maybe even a family member would have been the culprit, but the long silky black hair that glimmered through the gap in the door quickly corrected you.

“caitlin?” you questioned just as your friend had before. you stood back a few feet front the door, although your voice was loud enough to make the both of them stop.

their heads both whipped in your direction, the door creaking open wider so you could see her in full view. your friend huffed, rambling about how she thought you were asleep and how she was sorry that they had woken you up. but you discarded her as your eyes locked with your girlfriends. there was a certain look of grief in her eyes, the color almost fogging over in despair. your head told you to look away, the sight too depressing to stand, but your heart yearned for her nonetheless, unable to tear your eyes from her.

“YN” she spoke. it was like a cliche movie scene, like out of a fairytale, when the prince sees his princess in her natural beauty for this first time. whist she was hardly a prince and you hardly looked the part of a princess, the feeling was all the same. that feeling of reassurance and love. you were here, right here in front of her in your pajamas and bunny slippers, and suddenly she felt some sort of relief wash over her.

you walked over to them, assuring your friend that it was ok and asking her to give you some privacy. she walked away hesitantly after giving your shoulder a supportive squeeze. she shot caitlin a disapproving glare as she disappeared back into the house. you ushered caitlin to follow you out to the front porch, motioning to the swing that croaked in the afternoon breeze.

“what’re you doing here cait?” you asked, not looking at her, as you settled on the swings cushion, using your foot to keep it from rocking back and forth “i thought we agreed to take some time”

she took the spot next to you slowly as if not to scare you off, she worried she’d mess this up with you. she so badly wanted to reach over, rest her hand against your thigh and feel the soft skin of your palm rest atop it. but she opted for her own lap, picking at her nails mindlessly.

“i know,” a sigh that had nestled deep in her chest had finally met its release when she began “but i couldn’t take it anymore. this week has been fucking torture for me…i had to see you”

sadness washed over you for a moment, like the sun in a day of mist when it has nothing to shine upon, only dissipating when you felt her shoulder brush against yours. there was almost a faint smile on the corner of your lips, you’d also missed her touch over these past few days. but reality was cruel as it brought you back to the present moment.

“it’s torture for me too” you admitted. you despised being away from her, constantly yearning to be with her whenever she was away.

“really?”

“of course” you snorted, shaking your head as you look out across your friends lawn. you eyed the hydrangea bushes that weaved its way through the porch railings, the patches of yellow that spread through the grass-what a statement to question “i always miss you when we’re apart, why wouldn’t i?”

it sounded stupid to say, you realized once the words left your mouth. nothing you had done would insinuate you missing her, especially leaving her to wallow in your apartment alone, if anything it did quite the opposite.

“cause i’ve been a fucking asshole” she blurted “i wouldn’t miss me either to be honest”

she wasn’t lying, she was an asshole. the pain and loneliness that you endured over the past several months were dreadful, and she was finally ready to admit that it was all her fault. there were no more excuses to hide behind, not when your relationship was at stake. as she reminisced on the many years you’d been in each others lives, she found no reason to validate her behavior. you were everything she could ever need, ever want, and she was taking that for granted.

“nothing could stop me from missing you, cait”

a bitter taste filled your mouth as you anxiously responded to her. you’d been biting down on your lip so hard that you had started to bleed, barely even noticing it through the stiff tension between you. it was silent again for a while as you both pondered on your next moves. should caitlin beg for your forgiveness, get on her knees in front of you and cry? or maybe it should be you, convincing the both of you it was a misunderstanding and you should just forgive her and go home? you’d been straining yourself with your own stubbornness and you didn’t know how much longer you could keep it up. part of you wanted to hold your ground and let her know that you wouldn’t except this treatment, but the other part of you just wanted to fall into her embrace and forget about the whole thing. but before you could conquer this battle within your brain, caitlin beat you to it with a rapid burst.

“baby, i-” she said, stoping herself to think-was she even allowed to call you that anymore? her tongue clicked and her eyes squeezed shut, this feeling of guilt was insurmountable “i can’t tell you how sorry i am. how much i regret everything”

she sounded defeated as she fought to get the words out, a whimper threatening to spill at any moment. her nose stung as she sniffled back cries. she thought she’d never get through this, that she wouldn’t even be able to look you in the eyes. but to much of her dismay, your delicate hand met with hers, forcing her fidgety fingers to relax. she turned her head to look at you through damp lashes, and finally seeing your sparkling eyes looking back at hers, found the courage to continue.

“i get so…caught up in myself, and i forget about what’s right in front of me. practice, games, all the hate i’ve been getting recently-christ everything just starts beating down on me and i get so lost. i isolate myself and i push away anyone who tries to break through this damn wall i’ve put up..and when they do..i just end up hurting them” she watched your face contort as she spoke, your lips turning downward to a sympathetic frown. you were always too sweet to her, too good for this world “and that’s what i’ve done to you, the most amazing person in my life and i won’t ever forgive myself for it”

“honey..” the pet named rolled off your tongue effortlessly. caitlin would be lying if she said that hearing it didn’t put her mind at ease. you stuttered, trying to find the words yet again, but she urged you to let her finish.

“i’ve let my shit get in the way of loving you the way you should be. there’s no excuse for how i’ve treated you since the move to indy-not tough games or being homesick or any of that-and i’ve regretted every minute of it. you don’t deserve to go to bed alone just because i was upset, o-or to feel like you have to deal with your stuff by yourself…i know moving has been hard on you, especially since your entire family is back home…and the fact that i haven’t been any support to you is unacceptable and i take full blame for that. and for everything else too, like making you feel neglected? it’s fucking breaking my heart knowing that that’s what i’ve caused, that i’m never around and that i’ve been the furthest thing from a girlfriend. we’re supposed to be a team, we are a team, and all i’ve done is let you carry the weight of both of us. i’m so incredibly sorry and i’ll keep saying it until you believe me”

her chest rose and fell ever so faintly as she breathed deeply. she had run out of air as the words left her in a haste, eager to get her apology out. these past days were spent planning each word, each motion, each action so meticulously and she needed it to work.

and with her final huff, there was a gentle silence again, the wind chimes hanging from your friends porch ceiling clinked softly together. you removed your hand from caitlin’s, letting it rise to her and face and resting it on her cheekbone. the pad of your thumb rubbed into her soft skin, feeling the prominence of her defined cheekbone. she felt warm, probably worked up from the heightened emotions, but it was soothing in a way.

“i believe you, cait” you breathed. you felt her instantly relax into you, the weight of her head pressing into your palm. her eyes fluttered shut and her brows furrowed, she felt undeserving of your reluctance “and i know you’re sorry, it’s okay”

“it’s not” she mumbled against your hand “it’s far from okay. and i’m going to do everything i can to gain your trust back”

“you’re right, it’s not. but i know you’re actually sorry…and you don’t need to gain my trust back, babe. you’ve always had it” her lips quirked when she heard the lighthearted tone of your voice “you really hurt me, and these past few days have been straight from hell. but the fact that you came and owned up to it all shows me that you’re going to work on it”

she nodded frantically, agreeing with every word. because it was true, she’d go the extra mile to ensure you never felt like this again.

“i can’t imagine a world in which i’m not spending eternity with you..so i’m willing to forgive, but my heart won’t be able to bare this again and i need you to promise me it won’t happen in the future. i know you have so much going on in your life, you’ve gone through a lot, but it can’t continue to get in the way of us. i’m here for a reason, to listen and to help in any way i can. please talk to me instead of shutting me out-i want to be there for you okay?”

“of course, i’m going to be better. for you. you deserve more than what i’ve shown you and that’s far from how i want to be, we’re in this together and i want to change. i love you so fucking much and it’ll never happen again”

with a hand still on her cheek and a smile tugging at your lips, you leaned in closer to her. the denim of your jeans rubbed against the swing cushions as you moved nearly into her lap, close enough to press your lips to hers. you could tell the kiss caught her off guard when you felt her body jolt, but quickly relaxing when she fell under your enchantment.

it was a feeling that was hard to explain, like a flame being reignited or a spark nestling in the depth of your chest. you hadn’t kissed caitlin in quite some time, and when you did all that time ago, it had felt meaningless. but here it was different, the taste of jovial tears mixing with that of your lips, creating a rejuvenated feeling of love and adoration. there as a kick to this kiss as she pulled you in deeper, her hand coming to the back of your head to cradle you. it felt good again and you couldn’t be more grateful.

“i love you too”

Come into my bedroom

Come into my bedroom

it had been about a week or so since you decided you were ready to come home and work on healing your relationship with caitlin, and it had already been going better than you had expected. even though the conversation on your best friends porch went smoothly, you had only imagined the fights and anger that would be exchanged once you came home. but caitlin had shown quite the change already and you could already feel the rips and holes of your relationship beginning to mend. she had been just as doting and soft as she was at the beginning of your relationship.

she was treating you to candlelit dinners, drawing you the most relaxing baths, and fitting time into her schedule for you no matter how long it might be. she even took you golfing with her and was dragging you along to outings with the team and occasional press events. you hadn’t felt this excited in a long time, it was like you were crushing on her all over again.

for the first time since your life started in indiana, the little things were beginning to matter.

and now it was a quiet weekend night in, the plushness of the living room carpet weaving between your bare toes as caitlin’s hands rested quaintly on your hips. the furniture had been been pushed off to the outskirts of the room in order to give your bodies plenty of space to sway freely. the overhead light fixture had been long forgotten once the evening sunset began to bleed through the window, creating the sweetest source of light. the old record player, the one you brought with you when you moved away from home, sat on the the table in the corner as it spun yours and caits favorite album. the tune hummed quietly as its scratchy notes bounced off the walls, yet it was perfect for a night like this.

maybe it was cheesy, the way you and caitlin rocked side to side as you danced in your pajamas to sappy love songs, but you wouldn’t have it any other way. it was like a page out of the romance novels you read in high school. you were convinced this was all you needed in life, no luxury clothes or fancy dates, just you and caitlin soaking each other in as you danced around the apartment. it healed something in you as she spun you in her arms, laughing heartily when you stumbled. she was finally back to being your caity girl once more.

“what?” you giggled breathlessly after catching yourself from almost falling, pushing a loose strand of hair out of your face. she was staring at you when you faced her again, dimples evident as she grinned at you. her eyes had a softness to them, similar to the softness of her hand that snuck under your shirt to lightly pinch your side.

"nothin'" she shook her head with a wavering sigh "you're just...everything i've ever dreamed of, and i don't know- i just can't believe this is real"

she seemed choked up, in genuine disbelief that you were standing right in front of her, and it made your heart melt. it was moments like these that you craved, where her walls came down and she was completely herself with you. no pressure to look strong or tough, no holding back tears or true emotions, just pure love.

"of course it's real cait" you titled your head with an appreciative pout. you pulled her in with a comforting hand to the back of her head, leveraging yourself on your tiptoes to place a kiss to her forehead "what do you mean, baby?"

"like," she tried to find the words as she cleared her throat "like i can't believe that you're still with me. i don't know anyone who would stay through anything like the pain i've cause you. and the fact that you're right here in front of me, been so patient with me and understanding...i just feel so undeserving"

"hey, of course you're deserving" you politely scolded "we all make mistakes and sometimes they're bigger than we intend. but i love you more than words can describe and i know you've been trying to mend them. everyone has rough patches in their relationships, but i'm here to stay, caitlin. i'm not going anywhere"

you watched as her shoulders fell drastically; it was apparent that your words meant more than you had originally thought. she had always need reassurance, having always doubted herself in anything she did, and it was an unmatchable feeling knowing that you were the one to soother her. she nodded, not saying anything as leaned into you even more. so, you confided, not prying for a response. this vulnerability was already a big step for her.

you rested your forehead against hers, arms coming to loop around her neck. her long lashes fluttered as they tickled yours. the music was still playing in the background, allowing you both to fall into another oscillating rhythm. although it was cut short again when you felt her lips part, a quiet voice barely escaping her.

"it was you" it came out almost inaudible, leaving you confused on whether you hear her correctly or not.

"hm?"

"it was you," she said clearly this time, foreheads till touching and eyes shut in romantic bliss "from the second we met i knew it was going to be you. like a soulmate or life partner..whatver you want to call it, i just knew that you were going to be it for me"

as you stand there, your heart races, the world about stops spinning. each syllable strikes a chord deep within you, resonating with the echoes of past moments you’ve cherished with her. you could hear those words over and over and never get tired of it. The weight of uncertainty from the past months finally lifts, replaced by an exhilaration that makes everything else fade into the background. nothing else mattered anymore, no stress and no disdain for the road ahead, just you, caitlin, and an eternity together.

"you're it for me too," you said "in every lifetime"

-

A/N: FINALLY!! it's finished!! i definitely didn't spell check this, so if you catch any mistakes, feel free to DM me so i can fix it! i love you and thank you for your patience with this fic :')

[vcnillazelda]

Im imagining a k9 hybrid reader (average anime cat boy basically but dog) being assigned to ghost for training and ghost referring to him as “pup” and aaa

puppy love

simon riley x m!reader

summary: your new trainer gives you some praise

tags: not established relationship but can kind of be read as such, k9! reader, not canon compliant, pet names, collars, praise, nightmares cuddles, fluff, short but sweet

a/n: not the usual request i would do but this was too adorable to pass up

✞———————❖———————✞

your eyes are completely trained on his hand, awaiting the signal. ghost was always keeping you on edge, wanting you to learn the suddenness and abrasive nature of fighting on the field. as soon as his hand twitches your ears twitch too, ready. ‘go’. with that hand symbol, you run a lap. “good boy.” he states when you come back, you smile as his rough hand pats your head. “thank you, sir.”

“ghost. call me ghost.” he insists, walking up the chilly field and back to base. “of course.” you follow immediately. you followed ghost everywhere, having been assigned as his new k-9 unit. he’d never had one before, so this was new for both of you. “do you have any experience in the field?” he asks, and you shake your head. “no, sir- ghost.” you correct yourself, and he hums. “be ready for absolutely anything. people are harsh.” he tells you, and you falter a little; quickly falling back into step behind him. the warmth of the building makes your ears’ fur puff out, it made you a little self conscious as you lift your hands to try and flatten it. “come on.” ghost tells you, and you realise you had fallen behind, jogging to catch up.

you enter the room you share with ghost, stretching a little as he takes off his gear. “are we done with training?” you ask, voice hopeful. “for now. you’ve got a long way to go, but we’ll pick it up again tomorrow. it’s getting late.” ghost responds, and the room falls quiet. you sigh, sitting down on the bed and carefully massaging your burning thighs. running wasn’t your favourite activity by far. you preferred the climbing course you did with ghost last week. “get up.” ghost commands, and you immediately stand. “sorry, sir.” you bow your head, missing how he rolls his eyes. ghost settles into his bed, as he always did half an hour before lights out. he liked winding down before actually sleeping.

you technically didn’t have a bed yet, but simon let’s you curl up at the end of his whilst the higher ups worked on finding a spare bed for you. joining abruptly wasn’t really a good thing, but that doesn’t mean you didn’t like it here. you take your position by the bottom of his bed, back pressed to his legs as you completely still your tail, not wanting to bother ghost. it seemed, in your many hours with the other man, he liked his downtime a lot. he barely got it, and you didn’t want to disturb that. minutes tick by, and you exhale sleepily, falling asleep.

a sharp kick wakes you with a gasp as you fall off the bed. you whine in pain at the sudden thud, which seemed to have woken ghost. you sit up, watching his rapid chest heave with every breath- he’s hyperventilating. a nightmare- you were used to seeing them, you even had a few now and then, yet seeing simon ‘ghost’ riley in such a timid and vulnerable state was heartbreaking. you get up onto the bed once more, curling into his side and resting your head upon his chest. you heard that dogs help people with anxieties, and hoped it would help simon even if you were still a hybrid. slowly, simon calms, hand coming up to rest on your head, fingers combing through the fur of your ears slowly. neither of you say anything for a moment.

“thank you, sergeant.” he mutters, seemingly embarrassed about being seen in such a state. “no problem, ghost.” you reply, voice soft and gentle. you didn’t want it to seem like you were judging him. “simon.” he mutters, and you peer up at him. “it’s simon when we’re in private…” he adds on in a soft whisper. “okay, simon.” you respond, your chest ignited. his hand continues to gently stroke over and behind your ears, it’s comforting and has you almost falling asleep. remembering yourself, you dart away. “i’m sorry, sir… that was inappropriate of me.” you stammer, going to get up. simon’s hand stops you, grabbing your wrist and pulling you back down to his chest. “stop it, pup. it’s fine.” he states, and you sigh. in a way, you’re very relieved that simon wasn’t upset with you.

“are you not hot..? in your mask?” you ask, fingers gently brushing over the skull print balaclava. “it’s fine.” he states, seemingly unaffected. “oh…” you respond, hoping he would catch onto your attempt at unmasking the ghost. he must of heard it all before. catching you by surprise, simon pulls his mask off, and you observe his face in the darkness, soaking in every scar, freckle and inch of skin on his visage. he was gorgeous. it was a massive leap in your relationship, and so, to try and show an equal amount of trust, you take off your collar. simon let’s out a soft laugh, pulling you close to his chest. “thank you, pup.” he mumbles, and your heart swells. “for what?”

“trusting me.” he responds, hand rubbing your back gently. “and for helping me. you’re too sweet…” he trails off, and you feel a little bad. “you shouldn’t be on this task force, nor with me. i’m a dangerous man.” he states, and you sigh. “i want to be here, with you. i was assigned to you and i’ll be by your side until i can’t be anymore.” you reply, arms squeezing him tightly. simon let’s out a soft sigh, gently caressing your face. he doesn’t say anything, in reality he can’t find the words to express how he feels, he just hopes you know it. “you’re sweet.” he mutters after a while, and you smile. “thank you, simon.” you respond, and he sighs. “get some rest, pup. you’ll need all the energy you can get for your exam tomorrow.” he states; and you nod.

“of course… goodnight, simon.” your eyes close, and you feel a very gentle kiss brush over your forehead. “goodnight, pup.” he mutters.

[abiiors]

corruption ❤️‍🔥 // matty healy x reader

a/n: not entirely happy with this idk why. had to edit the original snippet to fit better into the context?? but ugh yeah hope you enjoy. there's a very real possibility that this might be deleted later cw: overstimulation, ass play if you squint really really hard, fingering, slight cumplay, mean matty and degradation, oral, gets a bit sweet in the end because it is me afterall wc: 3.5k

the office is in disarray. people running around, files and folders stacked tall in their hands as a nervous hush settles over the entire building. when your phone dings with his message that night, you know you’re in for it. well, you’ve known that since you watched the live debate really. 

matty is livid. 

it’s not that he lost, it’s that he managed to scrape through barely and he is not a man who does things barely. 

you could see it so clearly even through the large plasma tv screen in the party offices—the way his mouth was pressed in a tight line. and how when he did smile, it never reached his eyes. instead all you could see in them was cold anger. 

tomorrow your boss might get fired for this but tonight it’s you and your sanity that’s on the line.

the message glares at you through your phone screen – 8 pm. 1205. the grand. 

you don’t type a response to it because it doesn’t need one. he’s not asking, he’s ordering. involuntarily, you clench your thighs together in anticipation of what’s to come. tonight is going to be rough, you don’t need to anger him more by being late. so you quickly pack your bag and run out of the offices to hail a cab. 

7:57. that’s when you find yourself outside of his hotel room, your heart thudding in your chest, panties soaked through from all the scenarios you couldn’t stop repeating in your head—his hands gripping the mic, the podium, knuckles so white. maybe you could ask him to grip your throat like that tonight. 

you lift your hand up, shaky and fidgety, about to knock just as someone grabs you by the waist, pushing you against the door. you open your mouth to yelp but matty’s already turning you around, capturing your mouth in a hungry kiss. 

sharp teeth clashing against soft lips—his fingers dig into your waist, wrinkling the cotton shirt tucked into your figure-hugging skirt. it takes him only a second a untuck it. another to push his hands inside and rub his thumb over your peaked nipples. 

his hair is askew—not so neatly combed as it was on tv—as if he’s been running his hand through it in frustration. his suit jacket has already been discarded somewhere, white shirt sleeves rolled up to his forearms, exposing veins and a few scattered tattoos. 

“my obidient little slut,” he grunts against your neck, mouth already sucking on your sweet spot. you squirm against his touch, nervous that someone might walk in on you. and oh, what a scandal that would be…

“relax…” he breathes. behind you the door clicks open. “we have the whole floor to ourselves. need to hear you scream my name tonight.”

you get lost in his words and forget to breathe, to nod. he’s pushing you back against the wall, fumbling against your shirt buttons until he gets so frustrated, he rips it off you. the buttons go flying everywhere, clinking a few times before the room is filled with your gasps once again. 

“be my good little pet tonight, won’t you?” his words are murmured against your clevage. you nod on autopilot. his good little pet. yes. 

“words…” he warns. 

“yes, s–sir,” you gasp out, somehow managing to two little coherent words. and it’s good enough for him. 

matty pulls away, almost making you stumble and lose your balance but the wall holds you up. “on the bed,” he commands. his hands are at his throat, loosening his dark blue tie. the soft silk looks inviting, promising. so you walk up to the bed on shaky legs, watching his every move and how he slowly takes the tie off, taking his time to smoothen every little crease on it. 

“on your stomach, pet,” he commands again, less patient this time. “ass up.”

the two words are enough to make you whimper. you know what’s about to come. the man in front of you has a penchant for ruthlessness. especially when things don’t go his way. and yet the fear in your body feels more like excitement, the ache between your legs superseding every other need, as you lie there for him exactly how he’s asked—face smushed the soft pillows, ass up and your still-clothed pussy in his view, for him to use and abuse as he pleases. 

you know your skirt has ridden up enough that he can see the red thong you’re wearing, perhaps even the damp spot on it. 

“you know why we’re here, sweetheart?” his voice comes from somewhere in the room. perhaps he’s moving, walking around and looking at you from all angles. you wouldn’t know, your eyes are already closed tight, bracing yourself. 

“because the debate—”

“didn’t go so well,” he finishes. suddenly, there’s a hand on your back, undoing the buckles on your bra with deft fingers until it falls off you and onto the bed. cool air brushes against warm skin and goosebumps erupt all over your body. but matty doesn’t stop there.

next him hand moves down to your ass, stroking it. and just when you think he’s about to spank, a tearing sound rips through the room—your tights, now on the floor in tatters. 

“and why didn’t it go well, pet?” he asks, a ghost of a touch against your inner thigh, moving up and up and making it difficult to focus on anything. “cat got your tongue?”

“because—” you whimper, unable to finish because his fingers slide your thong aside at that exact moment, collecting the wetness, brushing against your clit. 

“yes?”

“bec–fuck! um—”

“dumb little slut, aren’t you?” his voice carries a dangerous edge, matty is not to be trifled with tonight and yet you struggle to form a coherent sentence, stuttering the words like a bumbling idiot. “but i didn’t think you were a dumb little slut at work…”

“m’not!” you whine. this little secret aside, both you and he knows that when it comes to work, you’re diligent and focused as a shark, your ruthlessness rivaling that of his. except he’s the shining star. the sun around which everything else revolves.

matty’s hand is back on your thigh, tracing dizzying circles. “i told you i wanted your ideas, didn’t i?”

you swallow. 

that he did. explicitly. not once but twice. 

“and yet you disobeyed me, pet.”

another muffled sound of protest tears out of you but you know there’s no point in arguing with him. telling him that your boss rejected your ideas. you should have been more assertive, more dominating. but you weren’t. and now it’s time to face the music. 

“what should i do first, hmm?” his fingers are back at your entrance, neglecting your clit entirely and spreading your folds for him to see. 

reflexively you try to clench your thighs together, too embarrassed that you’re already so excited, practically dripping onto your thighs but matty is quicker. a sting blooms onto your ass cheek. 

“what did i warn you before, hmm?” you gasp into your pillow, still reeling from the spank, trying to remember his words. “be–be a good pet.”

“and what do good pets do?” you struggle to keep up with his words, too wrapped up with how animalistic his voice sounds, how it reverberates through your entire body. the air whooshes as his hand cuts through it. another spank. another yelp from you. 

“th–they listen.”

“good girl…” his hand caresses the spot again, soothing some of the sting before matty climbs onto the bed. the mattress dips, his fingers are back at your entrance, back to parting your folds and swiping through them lazily as if he has nowhere else to be. as if he has all the time in the world. 

this time you let him, desperately trying to hold yourself up on shaky limbs. 

without warning matty plunges two fingers in. 

“fuck!” it’s more a hiss than an actual word. your entire body zings from the sharpness of it, trying to adjust to the sudden thickness between your legs. matty let’s you breathe through it, gives you a reprieve of just a few seconds, before he’s moving them deeper. 

“colour?” 

“green. green!” 

he chuckles condescendingly, moving his hand and pumping his fingers faster. “so eager for me, such a slut.”

the ring on his middle finger touches your clit over and over again, the cold gem brushing against your heated core, making you hiss and cry. the orgasmic feeling builds deep inside you, slowly spreading through your entire body, taking you higher and higher with each pump for his fingers, each brush against your clit. 

“please mat–sir! please,” you cry out, sobbing almost a damp spot grown on the pillow. you want to cum, want to feel that euphoric high. 

“please what, pet?” he tsks.

“let me cum, please…” 

you expect him to deny it, expect him to turn this into a power play and watch you squirm under him and beg for a release. to your surprise, matty presses a thumb against your clit, uttering just one word—cum. it’s the shock that pushed you over the edge, legs spasming as you gush onto his hand, relishing the way he keeps fucking you through the orgasm, through your chants of oh my god…

and his fingers don’t stop moving. 

instead matty settles behind you, your ass raised up right in his face and presses his tongue against your core, sticking it inide and lapping up your release that has you squirming in place and crying out as the heat bubbles up inside you again. 

the tip of his nose presses between your asscheeks, making you yelp. it’s a new sensation… not one you’ve experienced before. matty only laughs at your reaction. 

“did i startle you, sweetheart?” he speaks right near your entrance, the vibrations from his words building up the familiar feeling once again.

“matty…” you whimper, not even caring that he wouldn’t like that. and his displeasure becomes evident a moment later when you feel a nip at the soft skin of you ass, teeth sinking into your flesh. 

“what are you good for, huh?” he growls, “need me to fuck you into being a good girl?”

“yes…fuck—” whatever you were about to say is cut of by his tongue sliding inside you again, thumb flicking roughly against your clit. with his other arm, matty holds you up, stops you from sinking onto the mattress entirely. 

his tongue and his thumb create a dizzying rhythm, altering pressure against your insides and on your clit until you’re cumming all over his tongue, practically on his face with his lips still attached to your entrace. matty takes it all, lapping up every last drop and holding you by your waist to keep you upright until you’re panting and sobbing, unable to handle the euphoria. 

you get a few moments to breathe in between, just a few seconds to pull yourself back together before his fingers are plunged inside you. the rhythm repeats, cold metal, wam skin, rough thumb, your body that jolts from his electric touches, matty who coaxes another orgasm out of you in minutes. this time his fingers form a v inside you, stretching you out more. 

it hurts at first as your body desperately tries to adjust to it. the sound of his fingers pumping in and out of your wet cunt is too much, the filthy, obscene squelching sounds, that he seems to get off on. 

you bite onto the pillow so hard that it rips. seconds later, matty’s laughter rings out in the room as he realises what you’ve done. 

“look at you, sweetheart,” he taunts, “so feral.” his fingers part inside you again until you are capable of nothing else but screaming his name over and over again, begging for just one more orgasm. another one and the you’ll be satisfied. just one. 

“please, sir,” matty mocks in a high pitched voice, an exaggerated pout on his face. it borders on cruelty. it’s a shame your body confuses humiliation for more pleasure. “made you cum multiple times, wasn’t it enough? greedy cockslut,” he spits. 

you know you’re close to cumming again, waiting for his permission. your body strains from the effort feeling too full. until his fingers slide in deeper and something clicks. 

“go on then,” he grunts again but you already are… 

wet hot liquid gushes all over his hand, practically drenching his face that’s so close to your cunt right as you cum—no, right as you squirt all over him. 

his arm’s not enough to hold you up this time. not that he tries to as you finally fall onto the mattress, trembling and breathing hard. a sharp intake of breath behind you tells you how astonished matty is. 

he recovers quickly, though, flipping you onto your back and then matty’s pulling you up and into his arms…

this is a first. not just the squirting but being held in his arms while you tremble from the aftershocks of the intense orgasm. 

“that was…” he is speechless, you realise. in all your time knowing him, he’s never been speechless. certainly never while stroking your hair after an orgam. 

“such a good little pet,” he mumbles into your hair. “what’s your colour, sweetheart?”

through the haze you try to make sense of what he’s saying. somewhere behind a fog, your mind knows the concept of colours, you know it and yet it takes you a full thirty seconds before you can answer him in a hoarse voice that you barely recognise as your own. 

“green.”

shakily, you try to fumble with his shirt buttons, wanting nothing more than to feel his skin on yours. you need to feel closer to him, to look at him while he’s buried deep inside you. even as you feel like you might float away if he lets go of you, you need him. more that before. 

“hey, hey, hey,” his big hand wraps around your wrist, still wet and sticky from your release but you don’t care. “what are you doing?”

“need you,” you whine. it’s desperate and pathetic. “please, just… need you—”

“fuck, sweetheart,” he curses against your hair, finally letting you undo all his shirt buttons with shaky and unsure hands. matty sits still, letting you take your time. “do you even know what you do to me?” 

you?? to him?? you want to ask if he knows what he does to you. how he has you thinking about him day and night, has you desperately seeking out your pillow on lonely nights, imagining it’s his hand between your thighs, his body weighing heavy on top of yours. 

“let me fuck you, baby.” for the first time, matty’s voice is gentle… the edge of it doesn’t go away though, it’s still there, even if it’s barely noticeable. “been so good for me today. just lie back down and let me make you feel good, sweetheart.”

the words do something funny to your chest, make tingles spread all over your body and you wait for him, lying on your back and desperately clenching around nothing. 

“come back,” you whine, even when he’s hurrying to shed his clothes, to pull your skirt off of you. all in all it takes him a minute to be back between your legs, his hard cock pressed against you and making your hiss, but your body feels cold from the absence of his body heat. 

“my needy little thing,” he murmurs. even when he seems tender, his particular desire to torture you stays. 

matty doesn’t enter you just yet, still keeping his fingers on your clit, drawing figures of eight on it until your mind is floating, your body loose and completely malleable in his hands. you barely even have the energy to open your eyes and look at him, at his curls plastered to his forehead. 

“i ne–need you,” you cry out again, getting squirmy and desperate, writhing beneath his touch. he doesn’t oblige, he just keeps building up another orgasm in you. even when you’re getting too sensitive to his touch. 

“you’re my little toy, aren’t you?” his words keep falling onto your ears from all sides, nothing compared to the haze of ecstasy you’re in. “cum for me again, baby. just one more time and then i’m yours. then i’ll do whatever you want.”

you know better than to trust his promises. 

outside of this bedroom, his entire job hinges on his ability to get people to believe in his promises. to fall for his sweet words. 

and what had he called you before? a dumb little slut? because he might as well be right. 

within minutes you’re falling apart around his fingers again. you have no control of your body anymore, no control over your orgasms. all you can to is cling onto him, wrap your legs around his waist to keep him close. to keep holding onto the last thread of your sanity. 

“there you go,” he breathing onto your skin before you’re even done coming down from your high, sliding inside you before you can catch your breath. 

it’s maddening in the best of ways—to be so full of him that you forget about your own existence. 

“matty…”

“sound so sweet when you say my name like that, baby.” his voice comes from somewhere on top of you. he’s bottomed out now, hard and thick and filling you in so much more than his fingers did. 

the soft sheets of the bed rustle against your skin as he moves—slow at first and only ramping up at the pace when you nod at him and squeeze him between your legs. 

your long nails dig deep into his shoulders, sinking into his skin and leaving scratches all over his unmarred skin but you need to hold onto something. his cock hitting that spot deep inside you feels too good. his hips ramming into yours has you on the edge so much quicker that you can ever imagine. you aren’t going to last much longer and matty’s only just getting started. 

“look at you,” he tuts, “fucked dumb and practically drooling onto your chin. is that what my cock does to you, hmm?”

you nod like a puppet on a string. a whine builds deep in your chest and each of his movements has you clawing his back. matty takes it all—the pain from your sharp nails, you clenching tightly around him over and over again, squeezing his body between your thighs. 

his hips ram against yours, body tensing the more he moves, stomach muscles pulled taut. 

“fuck,” he grunts, “‘m close, sweetheart, gonna cum inside you, okay? gonna pump you full of my cum.”

“ye–yes, ‘m close too, shit, so–so—”

matty shushes, sparing you the effort of constructing an entire sentence. he’s twitching inside you, moving in an erratic rhythm. sweat drips off him and onto your chest. and it’s the one particularly hard thrust that gets you before you’re clenching around him tightly, cumming with everything left in you, dizzy and disoriented. 

that must have pushed him over the edge too because you feel something warm and thick filling you up, dripping down your thighs. his arms shake with the effort of holding him up on top of you but you’re too far gone to care. too far gone to even relish in the groans that echo around you. all you can do is quietly whimper his name and hold onto him tightly, to keep him inside you, close to you for as long as possible. 

exhaustion weighs on you like a tonne of bricks. if only you could close your eyes for a second…

“hey!” matty sharp voice jerks you out of your thought. 

“tired…” is all you manage to say. but a moment later he’s pulling out of you. the emptiness you feel has you whining softly, barely even paying attention as matty dips his mouth between your legs again. 

“lemme clean you up, pet,” he whispers, tongue already on your thigh, “been so good to me today, let me clean you up. then you can sleep.”

you’re fairly certain you give him a nod, writhing under him as matty proceeds to clean between your legs with his mouth, both yours and his release now coating his tongue. but you hiss in pain when his tongue makes contact with your clit again. your eyes well up. this time, they’re not tears of pleasure.  

you gather up all your strength or whatever’s left of it to clench your thighs shut. “yellow, matty, please… please.”

in an instant, he moves away, shushing you while stroking your head. “it’s done, baby, no more. i promise.” 

his voice sounds firm and you have a vague memory of the feeling of a wet cloth between your legs some time later. all you know is he’s there, pressing a glass of cold water to your lips, urging you to drink from it. all you remember is him ringing up room service to order some food. and then the feeling of being pulled into someone’s arms. 

lemme know what you think <33

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[rootedinrevisions]

Toothbrush

SUMMARY: Based on the song Toothbrush by DNCE. You and Boone have had a Friends with Benefits relationship for a while, but one morning he brings up the idea of it being something more. FLUFF.

WARNINGS: Mentions/Implied Smut/Sex.

WORD COUNT: 800

The morning sunlight streamed through the curtains of Boone's bedroom, casting a soft, golden glow over the room. You blinked awake, momentarily disoriented, before the familiar scent of his cologne and the feeling of his shirt against your skin brought you back to reality. You were in Boone's bed, the same place you'd found yourself waking up more times than you could count over the past year.

You rolled over to see him still fast asleep, his chest rising and falling with the slow, steady rhythm of sleep. His tousled hair and relaxed expression made him look almost boyish, a stark contrast to the wild, risk-taking man everyone else saw. Carefully, you slipped out of bed, trying not to disturb him, and tiptoed across the room to the bathroom.

Standing in front of the mirror, you sighed softly. You were still wearing his shirt from the night before, and your reflection looked just as conflicted as you felt. Splashing some cool water on your face, you tried to shake off the emotions that had been building up for weeks. This thing between you and Boone had started out as fun—no strings, no expectations—but lately, you couldn't shake the feeling that you wanted more.

As you reached for a towel to dry your face, you felt a familiar pair of arms wrap around your waist from behind. Boone's warm breath tickled your ear as he pressed soft kisses to your neck and shoulder, making your heart skip a beat.

"Where do you think you're going?" he murmured, his voice still rough with sleep.

You smiled despite yourself, leaning back into his embrace. "I need to head home," you said, trying to keep your tone light. "I've got to shower, brush my teeth...you know, basic hygiene."

Boone groaned playfully, tightening his hold on you. "Or you could just stay here," he suggested, nuzzling into your hair. "We can be lazy together all day."

You chuckled softly, turning in his arms to face him. "As tempting as that sounds, I really should go. I don't even have my toothbrush here."

He hesitated, his usual carefree demeanor faltering for a moment. "You could...bring that stuff over," he said slowly, almost like he was testing the waters.

You frowned slightly, unsure of what he was getting at. "What do you mean?"

Boone looked down, his fingers playing with the hem of his shirt that you were wearing. "I mean...what if you kept some of your things here? So you don't have to leave every time. You could, you know, stay more often."

Your heart skipped a beat as his words sank in. "Are you saying...you want me to stay?"

He looked up, his brown eyes earnest and just a little bit nervous. "Yeah. I'm saying...I want us to be more than just friends with benefits. I want you to be my girlfriend."

A smile spread across your face, and you could feel your heart swelling in your chest. You'd been hoping to hear those words for so long, but you never thought Boone would be the one to say them first. Closing the distance between you, you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him into a warm embrace.

"I want that too," you whispered against his ear. "I just didn't think you'd want it."

Boone chuckled softly, his arms tightening around you. "You kidding? I've been wanting this for a while now, just didn't know how to bring it up without sounding like a total idiot."

You pulled back slightly to look at him, your smile growing wider. "So, does this mean I'm officially your girlfriend now?"

His cheeks turned a little pink, and he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Yeah, if you're cool with that. I mean, I'm not exactly the best at this kind of thing, but I promise I'll try."

You laughed softly, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to his lips. "I'm more than cool with that, Boone."

He grinned, the tension melting away from his shoulders as he pulled you close again. "Good. Because I don't want to lose what we have. I care about you, more than I ever thought I would."

You rested your head against his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart beneath your cheek. "I care about you too," you said softly, closing your eyes as you let yourself finally relax in his arms.

Boone kissed the top of your head, holding you close as if he never wanted to let go. For once, the world outside didn't seem to matter. The only thing that mattered was being here, with him, knowing that you were no longer just friends with benefits, but something much more.

TAG LIST: @omgbrianab I @shanimallina87

[igotanidea]

Hoodies and sneakers : Jason Todd x fem!reader

@mxtokko asked me to make part 2 of my ff Beneath (Jason Todd x fem! plus size reader). This is sth that may or may not be treated like this. @jasontoddsthickbabe - I take the liberty of tagging you since you were the one who requested previous part.

Summary: Y/N may (or not) have got through her size complex, but something new is creeping in. Something about her wearing tomboy-like clothes and not being feminine enough......

It was pretty rough day. Not because of work or the intensity, but because of late Y/N has been spending a lot of time inside her own head. Dealing with her thoughts and demons that seemed to feed of the smallest piece of insecurity and doubt. It was getting harder to deal with them and focusing on work was becoming impossible. How could she possibly concentrate when the world was going crazy before her eyes and she was slowly loosing grip of who she was and what was her place on Earth.

She was really better and sort of lighter before Jason confessed how he felt about her and they started building a relationship. Before that, she was fairly aware she was not an object of desire and therefore never focused on that. But now…. More often than not she was wondering whether she was the girl she was supposed to.

The problem was, Y/N was always the kind of girl who felt best in leggings, or even sweatpants, and hoodies. Messy hair, lack of makeup and domestic vibes were definitely her style. She was rocking sneakers, using bus instead of cab and never cared about the brand. This was fine, before Jason turned her world upside down. And now? Irony being that when she became the girlfriend the world started overflowing her with the images of hot girls in tiny dresses, feminine-like with perfect hair, painted nails etc. Real girlbosses. And that was only feeding her fears.

However, she was doing her own thing, not showing how she felt inside. It was working for a while, but after a few weeks she was getting more and more sad and frustrated and the time bomb was ticking in the stepped-up pace leading straight up to explosion.

Since Y/N was still working as a journalist in Gotham biggest newspaper and considering her part-time job as Wayne tech expert she was spending a lot of time working remotely, from the manor. Sometimes it was just too much dealing with the colleagues, but of course, from time to time she had to show in the office. For a debriefing for example. She never treated those differently than any other work day, so she was not prepared for what was coming for her.

“Wait. What do you mean photoshoot?” he eyes grew wide at the sight before her. All those professional photographers, cameras, lights and photography equipment got her head spinning

“Oh, Y/N. didn’t you get the e-mail? I sent you all notification a couple weeks ago….”

“E-mail. Right. Of course I did. I just….. forgot to open it.” In fact, when she saw a message entitled “Sitting” she just deleted it without opening. Grave mistake.

“Don’t worry about it, dear. I bet we can find some more appropriate clothes for you. The girls can borrow you something. You surely cannot show yourself in this.” Her boss pointed out towards her worn jeans and a simple, basic black T-shirt.

“I don’t think anything will fit me…..” now, the plus size complex started to creep in. Great. She felt sick. Again.

“Are you all right, y/n?” her work best friend came from behind and quickly realized what must have been happening inside her head.

“I’m fine….” She swallowed strenuously “I think I;m just gonna sit back and watch.”

“But….”

“It’s all right, I swear. I was never a fan of showing off after all. But by all means, you go ahead. It’s your time to shine.” She pushed her friends towards the other girls, who were just flawless. Showing off, smiling, teasing and flirting. High heels, office looks…. Y/N felt like a preschooler amongst the confident, beautiful women. She never get to feel like this. She never needed to be on the spotlight. So why the fuck did it hurt so much. Knowing that she would never look so hot and mature. Jason told her he loved her (yes, he finally used those words), but what if was just a toy? A way to kill time before he found someone better? Hotter? Sexier?

“Not again….” she whispered as her heart started beating rapidly due to all the projecting she was doing.

“Y/N? Are you familiar with the photo equipment?”  one of the snappers asked

“Yes! Yes I am. Do you need help?”

“Um…. I do. But are you sure you don’t want to pose with….?”

“NO! I mean, no, I’m good. I’d rather give you a hand……please…..”

“You sure….?” The guy was still hesitant. Why the hell did he ask her if he was withdrawing now. “You don’t want the attention?”

“I’m good behind the scene. Now, give me that.” She practically whipped the camera off his hands “what do you need me to do?”

So she spent the day acting all cool and goofy, assuring everyone she was fine. Even if all her coworkers knew that was a lie, no one found any words to convince her to join the session as a model, not a helper. All that situation left her with the bitter taste of not being worth the attention. How could she ever compare?  She could count the times she wore a dress on the fingers of one hands and even then she looked like a kid dressed up in her mother’s gown rather than a grown-up women she was. This was a disaster every time. So maybe she was not worth any attention?

With dark thoughts she came to the manor. Normally she would tell everyone to fuck off and leave her alone, but Dick was quite persistent, trying to bribe her with some new tech ideas Bruce came up with and with which he needed some help. So, despite her attitude she changed her plans of sitting in front of Netflix with some ice cream.

“Y/N!” Dick opened the door, beating anyone else in it and hugged her closely in welcome “you look sad. Is everything all right?

“Peachy” she muttered, looking like a storm cloud “where are those new gadgets?”

“Straight to the business, huh? How about we try to wipe that frown off your face first?”

“Listen to me very carefully now, boy wonder. If you don’t cut on your sunshine and rainbow attitude I swear I’m gonna shove your smile up your ass. See who will be wiping what then.” Dick’s eyes widened in surprise. Y/N was known for being fast talker and having harsh tongue, but this?

“Um…. All right, then…..” he muttered “let’s go to the cave. Guys are already there.”

“All of them?”

“Yes? Why? Does that bother you?”

“No. I’m actually glad. Plenty of people to pick up the fight with.”

“Y/N, are you sure you are ok?”

“I swear to god if one more person ask me this question today I will draw blood!” she exclaimed making Dick jump away and raise his hands in surrender. Shit, she was more angry than Jason when he first came out of the Pit. Grayson had a bit of experience with angered girls and knew well enough this was no joke. It was better to just keep his mouth shut. Perhaps, Jason or Tim would be able to calm her down, but he’d rather live some more. “Now, move Grayson! I don’t have all day!”

“What’s with the sad face?” Tim asked the second she walked through the entrance to the cave

“HOW ABOUT WE FOCUS ON THE TECH!?” Dick chimed in, before Y/N could answer meeting with a surprised (Tim), condescending (Damian) and amused (Jason) looks of his brothers. He exhaled deeply. “That’s why we are gathered here, right?”

“Damn it, Grayson. You sound like you were about to officiate a wedding. Should we know about something?” Damian smirked and looked at Jason and then at Y/N, who was now red like a tomato, clenching her fists. “Um…. Y/N?”

“Can. we. Just. Focus. On .The .Work” she hissed through clenched teeth moving towards the table where the tech was displayed, the boys moving out of her way. Even Jay, who usually had his ways of making her chill now just let her pass, his mouth agape. None of them has ever seen her this angry.

“What did you do to her, Dickhead?” he hissed towards his brother

“Nothing. She came here like this.” Dick tried to defend himself

“Can you two just shut the fuck up!?”

“Sorry Y/n.”

“Yeah, sorry, babe. But if you want to talk then……”

“SHUT UP JASON!”

“All right, all right, I’m gonna be quiet from now on…..” he mumbled, looking down, acting like a beaten dog. Normally the rest of the boys would laugh at him for being like this, but at this point even Damian knew better than to mess with the force of nature Y/N became.

There were silence for like five minutes, before Steph and Cass entered the cave, followed by Babs.

“Y/N!” Steph jumped forward and hugged her friend, causing boys to go through a little heart attack “Alfred told us you are here. It’s wonderful. We are going shopping. You need to join us. I saw this cute little outfit that would be just perfect for you. I bet Jay would like you in it and …..” oh, poor Steph did not get to finish

“AGH!” Y/N yelled at the top of her lungs. “I’M DONE! I’M OUT! JUST LEAVE THE FUCK ALONE!” the tears finally started to fall down her face, since she was not able to hold them back anymore “I just can’t…. I can’t …. I’m sorry guys….” Her voice broke and she rushed off the cave blindly, not caring about the gadgets, the scene she was making, the tears or anything else. She felt like she was suffocating when she run upstairs, towards the manor, further away from all the people.

“What…. what just happened?” Babs stuttered “what the hell did you do?” her accusatory gaze landed on each of the boys separately

“I did nothing!” Tim exclaimed “Ask you boyfriend, Oracle!”

“Dick?”

“Oh, come on. Why do you always suspect me? I had nothing to do with it. Jay is supposed to take care of her so….”

“Speaking of you, Jason. Why are you still here?!  Run after her, before she does something stupid!”

“Do you think she can…..?”

“Just go, you dumbass!”

“Oh, yeah, right.” He slowly threw his shock off “Oh, fuck! You’re right! Y/N! Y/N, wait!”

‘Did I say something wrong?” Steph gaze was fixed on the floor, her voice barely above the whisper “I did not mean to…..” Cass just took a step forward and put a hand on her shoulder reassuringly.

“You didn’t. I bet she just had a bad day or something like that…. She’s been nervous and stressed for a while now.”

“Guys” Babs was already searching through the web “I think I know what might have caused it.”

***

At the same time, Y/N was sitting in her favorite spot on the manor roof, slowly calming down. Legs bend and hugged to her chest, chin resting on the knees, hands hidden in the sleeves of her sweatshirt. She was a bit ashamed of the scene that she caused. Poor Steph was probably blaming herself now. Poor Dick who was verbally attacked by her. Poor Jason who….

“Safe to enter?” …. who was just slowly moving towards her, cautious of every step.

“Sure…” she muttered, not looking at him.

He plumped on the floor next to her, legs crossed, not saying a word, waiting for her to start speaking, But the second she opened her mouth to let it all out her phone chimed. The message she received contained the photos that were made barely a couple hours earlier.

“Well, that was fast…” she muttered rubbing her eyes, irritated from the crying.

“What happened? Who do I shoot?” Jay asked using the opportunity of her distraction and grabbing her hand in his.

“Possibly me.” she smirked “I did some stupid things today.”

“Really? Stupid?” he smirked “I bet no one noticed. You act so normal.”

“You’re an idiot” she cuffed his arm and chuckled which made her hiccup

“Then we match each other, right?”

“Don’t push it, Jaybird.” She warned moving closer and leaned her head on his shoulder, his arm automatically wrapped around her waist pulling her closer shielding her from the wind. It was cold and he did not want her to get sick.

“If I do I give you permission to push me off this roof.” He laughed kissing the top of her head “Tell me what happened. Seriously Y/N. As much as I love you with all that fire we need to put it out before it burns you.”

“It’s better now…..”

“No. Talk.”

“How about I show you?” she reached for her phone and presented the photos to him “you see that?”

“A photo of your work friends?”

“There was a photoshoot at the work today and…..”

“So where are you in this picture?” he frowned taking the phone from her hands and blowing the picture up. “what did you do?” the girl mumbled something inaudibly “Y/N? I can’t hear you. What. Did. You. Do?”

“I hid.”

“What?! Why?!”

“Oh, come on, Jay…..”

“Don’t tell me it’s because of your size, again. We’ve been through it.”

“It’s not about the size. “

“Then what.” he tightened his grip on her and she winced “I’m not letting you go until you confess.”

“I’m not hot, all right? I mean, look at them. They are all exceptional. And I’m wearing a hoodie, torn jeans and sneakers, Jay.”

“So what?”

“So what?  Are you serious?”

“Yes, I’m serious. What is the problem with your clothes?”

“I…..” she hesitated for a while, blinking in surprise “but …..” how was she supposed to put in into words “isn’t that what all the guys want?”

“Meaning?” he narrowed his head. This bastard knew exactly where her words were heading and yet did nothing to make it easier.

“A girl who captures attention? Don’t you want to brag about catching a babe? A chick? I don’t know…. Don’t you wish to have  a lady in the street and a freak in the sheets? I’m not like this.I am totally average. Vanilla. Boring. Ordinary. “

“Baby….”

“Look, I’m fully aware I’m not the person who catches attention, all right? Not… looking like this. Sometimes I even believe your family pities me. And you too. I mean, have you seen the girls that were lining up to talk to Dick and you at the latest gala? Isn’t that what you want?”

“Will you just shut up?” he leaned to her and cut her race of though with the most gentle and delicate kiss that got her melting on the spot “Come here.” He twisted positions slightly, pulling her on his lap, grabbing on her hips while her hands locked on his neck. “Have you lost your mind?”

“Is that a tricky question?”

“Obviously. Let me rephrase it then. You did lose your mind. Do think you are undesirable?”

“I….”

“Do you think I would toss you away because of a girl wearing mini skirt? The girl that I don’t know? Do you have so little faith in me?”

“In men, in general.” She bit on her lip and hissed when Jason pinched her side “Auch!”

“Well you deserved it for having such silly thoughts. You read too much fanfiction.”

“I don’t….” she objected turning red.

“Don’t deny it. I know you do. Look, all those stories? They are highly overdrawn. They make girls believe than guys only want them if they are skinny, flawless and wear nothing.” He shook his head ”I don’t mind lingerie, but that does not mean I don’t love in you in that damn hoodie you mentioned. Or a simple T-shirt. Preferably mine.” He smirked ”Look Y/N, I know you don’t feel comfortable in dresses or anything like that and I don’t mind. You are the hottest to me when you have that spark in your eyes, when your hair are tousled because your mind is racing. I love you in trainers, when you run the streets searching for a new story. I would never, never want you to wear mini or an revealing top if it’s uncomfortable. Did you think you can only capture my attention this way? With thong and lack of bra? That I would fall for an exposed body?”

“I…..” she started but realized something  “Wait. How do you know so much about fanfiction, Jay?” she grinned. Darn, she was so going to use that in the future.

“Did you? Yes or not?” he didn’t even stutter, keeping his cool.

“Yes.”

“Auch!” he gasped “Really?”

“I’m sorry. I just got insecure….”

“I know. And I forgive you. But only because I love you, you silly one. And because I know a lot about insecurities. First handed.” he kissed her nose gently “Now, promise me, this was the first and last time you doubted yourself.”

“I don’t like empty promises.”

“Well then you leave me no choice but to make you….” once again he captured her lips in his, ready to be convincing her for the rest of the day, evening and even the rest of his life if needed.

She was his one and only.   

@pinksirensong

[thesilentsongbirds]

I’ve been thinking about this for a bit but...yandere Xiao x reader but with a mafia.

TW: imprisonment, punishments, conditioning, kidnapping, lots of implied stuff, general yandere content

He’s taken over after Zhongli, though Xiao instantly gains a reputation for being much less...discreet about how he gets rid of his enemies and people who displease him.

What can he say, he’s always had a short temper and little patience for stupidity.

You though, somehow you didn’t even mean to get caught up in this mess. You just worked at the café down the street, sometimes stopping to chat with regular customers.

You’re not even sure when it becomes a thing. When suddenly this man with piercing gold eyes stares at you from outside, or when he starts coming in and placing orders for tea in a gruff voice.

The tea always goes untouched. But those bright golden eyes never leave you.

Looking back, you can see the build up easily. At the moment though, you thought that he was just a shy man who didn’t know how to talk to people. Even when he came in with others, his lackeys, as you had learned, he never spoke to them.

You even remember the mistake that you made. Thinking back, you wish you had simply told your coworker you were taking a break and quit your job.

You had smiled at him.

It was all over from then on.

Once a day trips became twice a day, then three times, until it felt like he never left. After enough orders, you had finally worked up the courage to ask for his name.

“Xiao,” he replied in a rough voice, then snatched his tea up and sat in his usual spot, the place that always seemed to let him stare at you.

Your coworker warned you once, to stay away. You had brushed her off, because it felt easier to, because although he looked strong, and something about him made you uncomfortable, you didn’t think you were in any real danger.

Well, at least right then you didn’t.

It changed one day when you were working late, trying to close, and the only people left were you and Xiao. His tea must have long since gone cold, but when you silently offered to take it, he shook his head, wrapping his hands around the cup.

So you closed up shop, wished him goodnight, and listened as you turned away to the sound of his shoes clicking on the sidewalk just a couple feet behind you.

“Y/n,” he had said so suddenly, in the quietness of night. In your bag, you held your keys a bit tighter, a wave of unease boring into you.

You could feel his eyes on the back of your skull.

“Do you do this every night? It’s not safe to walk home alone.” Xiao crossed his arms, fabric rustling as you slowly turned back to look at him.

“I’ll be fine,” you reassured, though it felt rather closer to talking to a brick wall. “You don’t have to worry.”

He grunted, a small little sound, but one still heard. When he said nothing, you turned, only to hear Xiao snap his fingers.

Something hit you on the back of the head, pain radiating through your skull, and the world went black.

~~~

It’s been months since then, at least you think. Xiao doesn’t allow you outside. Sometimes though, if you bother him enough, you can convince him to let you near a window.

The scenery never changes outside. It’s always a view into the walled off garden that his yakuza group has in the estate. Always the same perfect trees and flowers.

A snip of perfection in what has quickly become your prison.

It’s fine, Xiao reassures you. He had to do so a lot more in the beginning, when you had cried and begged him to let you go.

You’re too weak, he told you. You don’t need anything out there.

But truly you wondered to yourself who wouldn’t be weak compared to him, and the resources he had at his disposal.

So you often beg for an inch only to be given less. You get a few more feet on the chain around your ankle. You get books when you behave. Maybe. He really doesn’t want to give you much.

At least most of the men under Xiao’s order take some kind of pity on you. They aren’t cruel, but they don’t help you either.

No one wants to take away what makes their boss happy, after all. And you sure do.

Xiao loves being able to come home to you. He loves being able to bury himself between your thighs and forget about all his work. Sure, he still has a little blood on him, but don’t worry about it. You’ll get used to it. He promises.

And sadly, you do.

It doesn’t bother you as much as it did at first. It still makes your stomach turn to feel the tackiness of blood against your skin, and the way it itches when it dries.

Xiao is slightly open to the idea of showering when he first comes back to you. But only if you come with him. Get ready for some rough fucking to reward his good behavior towards you.

It takes a while for Xiao to finally get you to smile at him again, the way you did in the café for the first time. It takes him for him to teach you the way you should react.

Sure, he’s hit you a few times but only when you try to escape! Why do you even do that? You don’t ever get past the guards. Why do you even try?

Still, just because of that though, doesn’t mean you should flinch when he tries to touch you. He’ll just have to touch you more until you learn not to do that. What do you mean its instinctive? Just stop. It looks like he’s going to have to spend the whole day with you, touching you until you get used to it.

He should have just taken you from the first moment he saw you. Being out there on your own gave you too many ideas. He is more than happy to work with you on removing all those ideas of “leaving.”

You’ll get used to it. It just takes time. And some... rather unsavory punishments for attempts to leave.

Don’t worry, he’ll always be here for you. He’ll always provide and keep you safe.

And when he finally can retire and let someone else take over the organization, he’ll have all the more time to spend with you.

[torawro]

okita okita okita moaning in your ear while rocking his hips deep into yours :( sougo & the look of evil on his face while mocking your cute little whines, while laughing when you get real impatient and real mean ab his your dick <333

this is another ask i've been saving <33 i love u sem and you're probably like my only (?) gintama moot😭 if there are more of you out there please come forward i'm begging you. also i'm sorry this ask is so late sdkfjhsdkj i'm clearing out my inbox buttt yes !! ur brain is so big and beautiful babe for this thought ;(( used my pink dividers just for this

okita is so fucking mean to you. i mean you knew that getting into a relationship with him but damn, it's times like these when he was balls deep, nestled so far up your cunt that it really processed how rude he comes off, whether he means to be or not. but still, you can't really help the involuntary clenching of your pussy around his cock when he chuckles laughs derisively against the shell of your ear :(( you're back at his place-- his nice comfy apartment you always find yourself lounging at on your off days and on weekends-- and he's practically fucking you in the mattress. he's fucking you good and he knows it. damn cute bastard is what he is.

your back is against his lush pillows and sheets, now both legs dangling lifelessly off his shoulders, one of okita's arms was gripping the headboard for support, and the other would gracefully switch between your pulsating clit and having a hand on your throat. the purpose of his palm on your neck is to make you look at him when your eyes start to flutter backwards into your skull. he got a serious kick out of practically seeing all thoughts except for him leave your brain, and the way you squeezed around him just right whenever he would lightly choke you; he nearly came at least three times because you just feel so good and you're so beautiful, and all his. he got such a kick out of all of this that a mocking laugh escaped his pretty lips, his deep crimson irises darkened a shade but still seemed to sparkle with sadistic mirth from seeing you underneath him like this. "awwww baby, feels good? looks like you're enjoying yourself a little too much. here, let me help you out a little..."

and then he'd slow down. the bastard purposefully slowed down his thrusts to a lackadaisical roll of his hips against yours. he can feel your slick and cum (from when he sat you on his face) squelch and splatter against his pelvis and thighs whenever he slowly, but with rough precision, rocked against you. okita would throw his head back and curse, "fuck...you're so fucking t...tight, princess."

"goddammit! fuck, sou' p-please, please speed up! d-don't be so mean....i hate you." you huffed out a cry as you grinded your own hips back into him, trying to build up a rhythm and pleasure yourself. you didn't actually hate him and he knew that, you were just a little upset and emotional

okita's wine red eyes rolled back down to gaze at you trying to fuck yourself on his cock. a sinful smirk pulled at his lips as he watched you try to get yourself off. "'don't be s-so mean, sou'!' look at you, being so nice and doin' all the work for me. aren't you the sweetest thing?" your boyfriend's voice ascended a few pitches in an attempt to mock you. at this point, he damn near stopped moving completely, only giving you a few shallow rolls every now and then. he looked so....almost evil above you. but he was still devilishly handsome.

a pout immediately morphed onto your pretty, glossy lips and tears began to well up in your eyes, feeling frustrated he was teasing you yet again, especially when he was making you feel so good and you were so close to cumming. then without warning he leaned close enough so that his pale brown hair brushed against your face, then surprised you with a peck on your pouty lips. "you are just so fucking cute. relax baby, okay? i got you."

suddenly, he drew his hips back enough, until his pink tip nearly kissed your folds, and plunged all the way back to where he was before all at once, causing your back to arch into him like a cat. both of your moans were loud, choked out and desperate. the both of you felt heavenly encased in each other like this, neither of you wanting this moment to end. from that point on, okita got a little more serious, and fucked you like he loved you (cause he did, obviously) <3

yea....yeah i think ima add gintama to my misc masterlist cause rfdkhdkjd i think i kinda like this one

[partyanimal167]

Helping Hand Pt 2-Grimmjow X Reader

Part One

So~ I decided to continue this idea a little bit. I just enjoy a cocky Grimmjow who has a bit of a sweet spot he doesn't quite understand.

CW: Canon AU, sfw, fluff, black!fem!reader

You really had no idea what was going on. You wanted to ignore the loud sounds, but then, you heard such a familiar voice.

It was beginning to get harder to ignore. For years, you heard random screeches, swords clashing, and flashes of people in odd uniforms. Those moments were far between, but they still stuck with you. Now, it felt as if you were being watched but you didn't want to give yourself away.

You stretched as you stood from your seat in the library. The research was progressing well, but you did feel overwhelmed at times. You worried about your studies as well as the ones of those who looked towards you for guidance. Things could get hectic and overwhelming, but there was a new, interesting something that was adding a unique type of excited to life.

You learned rather quickly that Grimmjow was a rowdy person. He was loud and upfront, but he seemed interested in you and your studies. He was surprised by the complexity of medical science and specifically the process of intensive care. He liked the medical stories from doctors in the military--those that had to find solutions when resources were scarce.

He was a rough character, and more than once, you were shocked at some of the things you had to correct him on. You had yet to hear where he was from; you've been meaning to ask Ichigo about it actually.

Grimmjow still helped you whenever you needed it, and there were some others that came to volunteer after hearing about a loud man who'd snap at students who weren't paying attention or getting obvious answers wrong. A handsome, loud man.

You chuckled as you walked down the stairs and started heading home. Getting to know Grimmjow's personality was fun. He continued to be complex and layered in a way that was just different than others. You were hoping to hang out with him soon once this project was closer to being completed. You didn't only want to hang on days when he helped out. It was nice that he stuck around to clean or relax by your side, but you wanted to know what his interests and hobbies were.

You jumped in your skin after hearing the loudest shriek in awhile. You felt something dark and close by. You looked around but couldn't see anything near you. The area was mostly deserted since it was late. You wondered if you could make it home safely without running into those things. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. Y/n, things are fine. We have nothing to worry about. We'll just-

The earth shook, and you fell on your behind quickly. You stared up in shock as one of those masked creatures looked down on you. It was almost as tall as the surrounding buildings. You knew that dark energy was emitting from it; it felt like the atmosphere was pushing on you a bit. You slowly stood up--praying you could just book it home and forget about this night. You somehow avoided a confrontation all these years.

The creature moved its head back and red gather in its mouth.

You were about to push up to stand, but you froze as the pressure increased heavily. You heard foot steps and a yawn.

"Damn, where are those stupid shinigami at? I cant have my fun fighting, but they're slacking off." Grimmjow looked up bored. He rested an arm on his sword's hilt. "This isn't even worth Panthera's time." He yawned again before holding his hand out and firing a cero. He watched as the top half of the hollow combusted then the other dissipate into the night sky. "Tch, couldn't even get a decent meal from that." He looked over casually and was expecting to see your confused form slowly get up before running home.

Instead, he met saucers for eyes and your frozen body. "H-"

"Oh my god! Why is there a bone sticking out your face!"

Really? Was that the first thing you wanted to know?

"Wait, you can see me?" Grimmjow tilted his head slightly.

You ran your hands down your face. "What do you mean? You literally have a bone out and a sword, Grimmjow. Yes! Are you okay?"

"Oi woman, stop yelling. I'm fine; this is how I'm supposed to look." Grimmjow pinched the bridge of his nose. "Fuck...whatever, are you okay?"

"Peachy." You squeaked out. It was quiet for a moment. It seemed as you both didn't know how to approach the conversation. "You're outfit is different than the other guys I see."

Grimmjow shrugged. "I ain't like those damn shinigami. They should be doing their job. I wouldn't have bothered but you were in trouble."

You blushed and scratched your cheek. "Yeah...wait, so were you stalking me?" You blurted out.

Grimmjow jumped at the accusation and turned away. "What! No, I was...just in the area."

You folded your arms and nodded slowly. "Mmhm just in the area in your not-human form." You retorted. You chuckled which stopped an impeding argument. "You can just walk me home, Grimmjow."

The man sent you an annoyed glare before walking past you. "Whatever, let's go."

~~~

It took A LOT of explaining to do, but you came to some sort of understanding. It somewhat made sense that Grimmjow was this semi-reforming violent creature who hung out in the human world whenever. He had some oddball day job that gave him the money he blew on your lunch hangouts. He couldn't really explain the increase in "hollow" activity, but he just said he'd walk you home and keep you safe. You weren't complaining.

So maybe, the library was a bit louder than it should be at night. Someone had to make sure the undergrads paid attention to your tutoring. One student, though, was not intimidated.

"What are you doing here?" Ichigo frowned breaking the silence while the three of you were in a study room.

"Learning." Grimmjow grunted as he glared back. He had his arms folded and leaned against the wall besides you. You kept going over your junior's work.

"Learning what? You don't even go here!" Ichigo grumbled. He was still surprised that Grimmjow was keeping up with whatever relationship you two had. It didn't revolve around fighting or causing chaos. Of course, Ichigo knew there was more to him than that but still...very odd.

"Grimmjow's getting ready to take the entrance exam." You added in casually. You marked a few things and nodded approvingly. "I'm helping him study."

Ichigo was dumbstruck. "Entrance exam?"

There was that signature grin. "Yeah, I'm gonna be a nurse."

What was the world coming to?

~~~~

(Grimmjow's becoming a nurse to one day work with you).

Thanks for reading! I really feel like Grimmjow would just do whatever to explore this new human world. Plus there's a lot of risks and adrenaline in the medical world.

Requests are open! I'll get around to making a rules/guidelines post eventually.

[yuyusuyu]

bloody hell — the rain

synopsis. oh, if only, if only she hadn't crossed paths with him. then maybe, just maybe, all of this could've been avoided... except, it was bound to happen by fate. there was no escaping the fate that was given to you at birth.

pairing. ot8! vampire! ateez x fem! reader (not poly! everyone will have their own ending!)

genres/aus. vampire au, suspense, romance, angst, slow burn

warnings. wooyoung being a little rough ??, cursing. but other than that, none that i'm aware ! please lmk if there's anything i should add !

rating. pg-13

wc. 1.1k

a/n. me when i don't upload because uni had me busy last week and i went to a halloween party yesterday HELP anyways happy late halloween to those who celebrate ! also, this was nawt proofread

send an ask in my inbox or leave a comment to be added to the taglist! reblogs and comments are appreciated! helps with not getting shadowbanned!

YOU HATE THE WAY YOUR CLOTHES STICK TO YOUR SKIN MORE THAN YOU HATE THE WAY EYES FOLLOW YOUR EVERY MOVE, whispering amongst themselves about how much of a mess you look. and you do look like a mess, you admit. your hair sticks down to your head, equally as drenched as your clothes. your shoes fare no better and squelch against the pavement with each step you take towards the psychology building, eager to get your change of clothes from your best friend.

you push the doors open, sighing in relief when warm air greets you, kissing your skin tenderly. a hooded figure leans against a wall, tufts of purple and black hair peeking out. at the sound of footsteps approaching, he looks up: his once blank face brightening before morphing into a look of shock. “holy shit,” he says, “you look horrible.”

“ha-ha,” you laugh dryly, a grimace gracing your features, “very funny, jongho.”

jongho flashes what you assume is a reassuring smile, and thrusts a plastic bag towards you. “here.” you take it and rummage through it while he rocks back-and-forth on his feet, continuing, “that’s all i can offer.”

a sweatshirt, a pair of sweats and socks.

“thank you so much,” you say, looking up at him, “i really appreciate it. i’ll give these back to you tomorrow.”

the male shakes his head and waves a hand, “there’s no need. i have more.”

“oh, so you hate me don’t you? you don’t want these back because i dirtied them with my poorness, is that right?”

“what?” jongho seems taken aback from your words, his eyes widening in panic as your shoulders slump and you turn your gaze towards the ground. “no! i didn’t mean—”

“just joking,” you grin, looking at him and punching his arm lightly. “seriously though, thank you.”

he returns your smile with one of his own, and takes a few steps back. “you’re very welcome, yn. i have to get going now… is there anything else you need?”

you shake your head and shoo him away, laughing as he salutes and turns around, disappearing into a hallway and leaving you all alone.

much to your surprise, the lecture hall is empty by the time you arrive and settle down. students slowly trickle inside the room after a few minutes, everyone looking as if they had stayed up working on a paper due at midnight . your professor walks in, and you immediately sit down, silently hoping that your items for that class are all dry. slowly unzipping your backpack, you peek inside with an eye and sigh in relief, happily taking out your things and setting them on the desk.

the lecture today is fairly easy compared to other days where it would be so content heavy that you’d feel your fingers grow numb from all the notes you’d take despite typing it into a document for your sociology class. as the clock nears ten, marking the end of your three hour class, you silently start putting your things away when your professor speaks up.

“in these last few minutes of class today, i’d like to talk about your final project you will be submitting in december, almost three whole month from now.” a chorus of groans ring throughout the room, and your professor deadpans. “i’m well aware that most people who major in sociology do so in order to get accepted into law school. if you’re all complaining over some measly final project, i suggest you all to not even think about applying to law school.”

everyone immediately quiets down and you have to bite your tongue to prevent yourself from laughing as your professor clears their throat to continue to speak. “the final report is quite simple, really. write a report on a topic of your choosing. you guys remember how long i like reports to be, right? minimum twelve pages.” again, everyone remains quiet. your professor raises their eyebrow. “wow, okay. i guess i can whip up a midterm exam to keep you guys entertained while you also work on the final—”

instantly everyone begins to shout praise, saying how the report is going to be so simple. your professor laughs, dismissing everyone. you carefully put your things away and lean down to grab the bag holding your wet clothes, grimacing afterwards at the sound the bag makes as you walk towards the door only to bump into a sturdy chest. not bothering to look at the person, you sidestep and apologize to them quietly. however, the person grabs your wrist before you could even set a foot outside the door. you huff in annoyance as you’re forced to turn around by the hand gripping onto your wrist. frowning, you look up to find two men in front of you. one has a mole by his cheek and short, red hair. the other one…

the one with red hair speaks up, his eyes narrowing down at you. “aren’t you forgetting something?”

you look away from your respected senior to meet the redhead’s gaze with squinted eyes. “no?” you scoff. “if you’re done doing whatever,” you wave your free hand in between the two of you, “this is, then can you please let go of my wrist? i have places to be.”

you assume that he didn’t expect that sort of answer from you because then he’s fuming, his grip tightening. you hiss and are about to yank your hand away when your senior speaks up, reaching out to pry the other guy’s hand off you. “enough, wooyoung.”

wooyoung seems startled at his friend’s words, blinking stupidly at him. your senior turns towards you and lowers his head, his dark hair covering his eyes. “i’m so sorry about my friend, yn. he can be… a nuisance.”

you bow your head in response. “you have nothing to apologize for, yunho.” you glance at him through your eyelashes, “now if you may excuse me…”

yunho gives you a small smile and nods, watching as you leave quietly. he huffs through his nose, amused at what just went down. wooyoung snaps his head towards him. “what’s so funny, huh?” wooyoung asks, pushing yunho away.

the ravenette shrugs. “nothing, nothing,” he coughs, trying to mask his chuckling. “that was just… interesting.”

“interesting my ass,” wooyoung says, clicking his tongue before poking the inside of his cheek with it. “that girl should pray she never sees me again… how dare she! who does she think she is to just—”

as wooyoung rambles about his immediate dislike towards the girl that had just left, yunho merely snorts and walks off to talk to the professor. as they talk, he can’t help but let his mind wander back to you.

he’s never seen anyone treat wooyoung like that.

yunho hums in thought, zoning out mid conversation. more than that… what piqued his interest the most is that…

you smell like jongho.

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BLOODY HELL | yuyusuyu 2024

[ashsomethingart]

Good evening my loves!

I hit a bürnøut wall pretty hard a couple days ago, and it’s been a rough one. I’m gonna have to power through recovering and get back to work soon, because rent is coming up fast, but I wanted to take a moment to talk about this issue.

As all of you may know, I’m a 100% independent artist. I don’t work for a company, instead I work for all of you who order commissions from me.

That being the case, it comes with a lot of work that people don’t ever see. This month has brought some absolutely phenomenal changes to me in the form of tech/setup which will make some parts of the process a lot faster and easier, but the reality of what I do is that 95% of my job is not art, and all of that side and back-end work can be soul crushing.

I’ve talked about it in the past, but to upkeep what I do I have to do constant commission hunting, create marketing materials and maintain a constant social media presence, continuously update my portfolio, constantly learn new techniques and art programs, as well as keep up with doing the art, planning and completing my personal projects, keep my merch and print shops up to date, and so forth.

My biggest roadblock as an independent artist is having no base income; meaning a consistent amount of money I get at regular intervals. Every dollar I make is either from commissions or tips, and currently I can work upwards of 100 hours in a week without earning a single dollar, because none of that 100 hours ends up being art that has been paid for, but work to help me BRING IN new paid work.

It’s incredibly rough on me and I’m always on the lookout for ways to make it easier; I tend to go through this ebb and flow of doing 1-2 months of work with a crazy amount of output that ends in 2-3 weeks of intense burnout where I’m totally nonfunctional, then come back to the grind.

I do not have a social life. I wake you to work and I tend to work until I crash for the day, then rinse and repeat.

Not having a base income means I can’t plan for savings. I can’t set aside money for upgrades to my business; I have no emergency funds. If any single thing goes wrong I can be set back by months.

It also means that every month, when the 1st rolls around I have to make a mad dash to the finish line to meet rent and I never know if I’m going to have it all in time or not.

The last two months I was on time, but for around 6 months prior to that I was over a week late.

When I explain all of this, most people fall back on that argument of “Well why don’t you get a real job” and I’m not going to explain my reasoning here but suffice to say; I can’t. It’s this or nothing for me.

All of that said, I have a business plan for myself that hinges on all of you; the start of that plan is (and has been) to build myself up a base income that I can rely on every month, and once I have that, start expanding what I do.

It’s no secret that I have big plans that don’t seem to go anywhere, and the reason they don’t is because I’m CONSTANTLY grinding trying to upkeep my bills and rent, and I have no energy to put into those plans.

I want to move forward with my tarot decks.

I want to start a new endeavor that I’m calling Something Strange. I want to start actually publishing my webcomics.

But I’m not fortunate like some artists who somehow manage to land the startup funds I would need to be able to focus on just those things. I currently HAVE to rely on commissions while slowly building my base income up.

Which is where I come to my point.

I was on Patreon for ages, and I did fairly well there; however it was really only pocket change I managed to get from that platform and I got hit with a warning every few months because they didn’t agree with my content.

Eventually, I left Patreon and founded my VIP Funpass membership, which I host right through my website.

I need to build this membership up to the point where I’m making at least $800 a month on it, and I’m asking you all to support me in that endeavor. Please.

On the VIP Funpass you choose how much you pledge each month: I have four tiers; $5, $10, $25 and $50.

In the past I’ve gone on about what YOU get if you join up, but you can find all the info about it on my website.

If I can build my VIP Funpass memberships up to the point where I am making $800 a month through my site, and only my site, that covers my site ent ($675), my phone bill ($50) and my Internet bill ($25) plus the fee my seller platform takes.

It will remove around 80% of my daily stress and help me stop needing to grind myself to burnout.

This will mean I can put more focus on finishing commissions, cut my turnaround time in half, and allow me to divert energy into my passion projects.

So, I’m asking everyone who follows me to consider subscribing to my VIP Funpass Membership; the way I see it is, for the same cost as a single fast food meal every month you can help me change my life for the better; support an independent artist and help fight back against AI image generators all in one go.

So, do with all of that info what you will; if you want to learn more about the VIP Funpass Membership you can check it out here.

[britswriting]

Devotion (18)

Devotion Masterlist

Read on wattpad

T/W: Self harm! - not graphic detail, just a little brief thought process explanation that can be triggering!

C/W: brief smut

*Leighton's POV*

The anxiety I felt as I waited at the restaurant table for Colby felt completely unknown.

I couldn't sit still for the life of me. I was convinced I looked like a crazy person as I fiddled with my straw, my leg constantly bouncing and my thumb endlessly scrolling through my phone.

What if I was making the wrong choice?

With us selling my parents house, I decided it was time to grow up and move back in with Colby; after all, if we were going to make this relationship work, and actually raise a family together, it would be extremely useful if we were under the same roof. The only thing is I had a few rules I wanted to enforce first; and the idea of telling Colby what those things were was honestly making my heart beat out of my chest.

On top of my feeling like I was running for my life, all whilst sitting at this booth, Colby was running late.

I resisted the urge I had to text him, by texting Aaliyah a few times, wanting to see when she was free to meet up, or even just open to a phone call, but it was complete radio silence on her end.

Half an hour later than we agreed on, I was starting to get fed up, hitting call on Colby's contact only for him to finally walk through the restaurant door.

"I'm so sorry" He immediately apologized, sliding into the booth across from me.

"You're half an hour late, Colby" I huffed, leaning back against the booth.

"I know, and I apologize. I left the house late and then I hit traffic, I'm sorry" he explained and I licked my lips, nodding as I reached for my drink, Colby wiggling a little in his seat, "You're mad" he sighed. "I didn't mean to be late, I swear"

"I'm not mad" I mumbled, setting my drink back down, "I'm just irritated. Waiting is one thing, waiting half an hour is another. Especially when you're anxious about what you want to discuss, and everyone at the restaurant is sending you pity looks because it looks like you're being stood up on on a date"

"I'm sorry" he repeated.

"It's fine. Let's just order" I replied softly, my foot tapping against the worn tile.

"You haven't ordered?" Colby asked, sounding surprised, and maybe even a little guilty, "Leighton, you didn't have to wait for me"

"I didn't know you were going to be half an hour late. It's fine, I wanted to eat with you anyway"

We both ordered our food, Colby asking how Gemma's been and if we've continued our preschool search to which I informed him that I put in a few applications but I wasn't sure if any of them were really going to work out.

I also mentioned that I had put in my two weeks notice at my fast food job since I landed a new position working at a retail store that had better pay; to which he congratulated me on.

"At least you're out of the shitty fast food field" he muttered quickly, glancing around causing me to giggle.

"It wasn't too bad. I mean, I wasn't dealing with all the costumers really anymore, it's just... the smell, and being pregnant.. it was rough. With the new job, sure I start a little lower on the totem pole, but I plan to keep this job whilst I go through my first few years of college" I started to explain, Colby's brow furrowing.

"Your first few years of college? You're finally doing that?" he asked and I nodded slowly, "Not to uh, sound unsupportive, but how do you plan to manage having a four year old, a newborn, a new career and go to school? You're going to get burnt out Leighton"

I felt my walls start to quickly build up as I took a deep breath, reminding myself to listen to him.

I understood where he was coming from, it was a lot.. but what, was I just supposed to put these things on hold because I have kids? Many people accomplish these goals with families, why couldn't I?

"I'll figure it out" I shrugged, Colby giving me a weird look.

"I understand that... but doesn't it seem just a little bit.. uh, out of reach? A little in over your head?" He asked, a frown tugging on my lips.

"I need to go school Colby. I want to go to school. I want to feel accomplished in that way"

"I understand. When do you plan on signing up?" he asked.

"Well, I was thinking not for a little bit. I mean, I don't want to miss a lot of school when I'm in labor, and I know the newborn days will be rough.. so I was thinking maybe when she's a few months old? Gemma was in hopefully preschool, or some sort of afternoon activity? I wasn't thinking like starting tomorrow, if that's your concern"

By the time our food arrived, Colby and I ate a little bit before he finally asked, "So what is it that has you're anxiety acting up? I didn't think I was that nerve racking to talk to"

"It's not that I'm nervous to talk to you" I chuckled, "It's just.. to be honest, I'm nervous of making the wrong decision. I don't necessarily have the most perfect track record" I stated, Colby snickering at me, slipping the pickle off of his plate and onto mine.

"Just tell me. We can figure it out together, but I can't help if I don't know what you're worried about"

I sighed, taking a deep breath, flicking the salt from the fries off of my fingers before letting my eyes find his, "So you know how my dad's decided to sell the house?" I started, Colby nodding, "Well, it got me thinking about how uh, um, I kinda.. need a place to sleep, ya know?" I nervously laughed, "So I was thinking.. maybe G and I could move back in?" I slowly got out, Colby's eyes widening a little as his lips parted.

"You're serious?"

"Well.. yeah. Is that... is that okay?"

"Leighton! That's more than okay! That's all I've wanted. Oh my god, you're not joking, right?" He had me reconfirm, my head shake making a boyish grin show up on his face, "When are you planning on moving back in? Do you need help? I'm willing to help" he quickly rattled, the 0 to 100 energy taking me by surprise.

"I don't know yet, I need to figure it all out. I was uh— Okay, listen to my full sentence before you get too excited" I started, Colby's eyes narrowing a little as he nodded. "I would like to start the process of looking into buying a house. Or lease is coming to an end of December, so instead of renewing.. I was thinking.. we could buy a house together? I want to test the waters a little bit when we first move back in before jumping into the deep end, but that's where my head has been at. I just.. I want to start building our life together properly. I want to start with a house. I mean, our apartment is getting quite cramped, Colby. The room that is currently your office would have to become the nursery, which isn't fair to you. We don't have space for if Sam wanted to come stay with us, or when Gemma starts having sleepovers. I just really want us to have more space. More area to live in. I want to start getting ready with a nursery, and putting together a real space to call our own. A space where we can paint the walls, and change our fixtures" I rambled, the grin never falling off of Colby's face as he nodded at what I was saying.

"You're nesting" he chimed in, my eyes rolling, even though I knew he was right. "So step one, you move back in, step two, we look for a house" He nodded, making me laugh.

"So you're on board?"

"Are you kidding? I'm more than on board, Leighton! I'm driving fucking ship! You're coming back home! Gemma's coming back home! I'm so—" he paused, his head shaking out of disbelief, my cheeks becoming tight from the smile on my face.

"Ah ah" I tsked, shaking my head, "Don't get too ahead of yourself. I have uh, rules, I want you and me to follow" I warned, Colby freezing.

"Rules?"

"Mhm" I hummed, "The first one I'm not willing to change my mind on" I continued, watching the apprehensiveness tense up his muscles.

"Okay..."

"I want a sober house." I stated, chewing on my lower lip as my leg bounced a little, waiting for his reaction.

"A sober house?" He repeated, myself nodding, "Like, drinking?"

"And drugs"

His forehead wrinkled, "I don't do drugs"

"But I do. I said you and me. Not just you. I want us both to agree to this"

"Okay... I uh, I can do that" He nodded, surprising me that there was no push back.

"Really? You're not gonna argue with me?"

"Leighton, you're worth more to me than alcohol. If anything, drinking has really ruined both of our lives. I want you, and Gemma, way more than I do a beer, or whiskey"

"A sober house means a sober house though, Colby" I repeated, "That means if Sam comes over, there is no drinking in our house"

I watched realization appear on his face, my stomach dropping.

Is this where we're going to have problems?

"Like.. forever?" He asked and I nodded slowly, afraid of everything crumbling beneath me.

"At least for now" I settled, feeling like I was walking on a rickety bridge with a few loose boards, really clutching onto my life with every inhale that Colby took.

"For now? What does that mean?"

"I don't want to limit you forever. I just, I don't want it in our house for now. For a while. I don't want the temptations or the reminders whilst I continue to work on becoming confident in my willpower of recovery. I want to say goodbye to the substances that have ruined my life. Plus, with your recent track record of a DUI, I just don't want it to be available under our roof. That doesn't mean you can't go out to the bar, or drink at someone else's house, I just.. well, if you do that, I'd really like you to confirm with someone who isn't going, even if that's just me, to come get you. I don't want you to have any chance to get another DUI, whether you think you're capable or not. I just worry, is all..." I sighed, Colby nodding, a guilty look in his eye as his shoulders slumped.

"I'm sorry I've caused you to worry. That was never intention"

"I know, I just.. I don't want the opportunity to drink alone, or on a whim to be available. Nothing good has come from it"

"I'm willing to try. It's kind of habit to buy alcohol just have on hand" He said and I nodded, understanding what he meant since he normally drank with his friends. "Is that your only rule? No substances?" He asked and I shrugged, playing around a little bit with my food.

"I want us to take our meds together"

His brow furrowed, "You don't trust me?"

"At this moment? No. But, then we both know. I know you took your anti depressant and you know I've taken my shit load of pregnancy vitamins and my own anxiety medication. It's not like I'm just standing there and making sure you've swallowed it" I giggled, "I just thought maybe, to ease both our mines, we make it a habit that we do it together each morning" I did a small shoulder shrug, Colby nodding slowly.

"I can try. You'll have to remind me"

"Okay, I can do that. One more thing" I held up my finger, Colby's head tilting. "I want us to start our mornings off together with Gemma, and finish our evenings together. I want her to see us as a unit. A family. I understand we have work, and it's easier said than done, but whether it's a quick phone call, or whatever.. I just want us to figure it out. I really want us both to be there for her; especially since we have another little one on the way. I don't want it to be Leighton Fox and Colby Brock. I want Leigh and Colby. Does that make sense?"

"That's harder for me to agree to due to how long some of our nights can get, especially with us traveling out of town. I think we need to reconsider the whole morning and night thing if I'm gone. That's a lot harder to swing when I'm working" His lips pursed, my own rolling into a thin line.

"I just don't want Gemma, or myself to feel forgotten about when you're working. We've gone so long without each other that I don't want to continue to walk in our old habits. I can tell you right now I'm going to need a lot of help with this baby, and Gemma. You can't work as much when the baby is born. Gemma was hard. I mean, you know that" I pointed out, remembering when he had babysat her for me when I went back to rehab, "But it's going to be a lot harder now that she'll be going to school and becoming more of a real person and less of a little blob attached to my hip, plus having a new baby. I just want us to be on the same page"

"Why do you think I don't want to be a part of this family?" He suddenly asked, catching me off guard.

"What? Is that a rhetorical question?" I asked, Colby shaking his head, "What do you mean?"

"Everything you're saying, you're saying it like I'm joining the family. Not creating the family. I feel like I'm your friend whose helping out with Gemma again, rather than your fiancé who is biologically the father of your unborn child"

"I apologize if that's how it sounded. I just wanted us to be on the same page considering we haven't been under the same roof in a while, and the last time we were didn't go to well"

Colby agreed to do his best, the two of us finishing our lunch as we discussed when I would move back in, Colby hesitantly agreed with me when I told him I wanted to help my dad with packing and cleaning up the house so it was able to be listed on the market.

~

"Put that down!" I shrieked, Colby going through my old school projects my mom had tossed in a box under the stairs.

"What? It's cute" He laughed, shaking the kindergarten art project that was a paper plate with googley eyes and pipe cleaners.

"I can't believe she kept that" I huffed, setting my box of old school papers to the side.

"You're telling me you want to throw this out? Look at it's eyes!" He shook the plate.

"No!"

"Look into it's eyes and tell it you don't want it" He moved the plate closer to me, my nose wrinkling.

"I don't want it!"

"Leigh, we can't just throw away your entire childhood" He chuckled, tossing the old art project into one of the trash bags.

"Well we can't keep everything. Where are we going to put it in the apartment?" I asked, trying to hold back my smug smile.

"We can put them in a storage locker, you know?" he mentioned, "If we're buying a house, there is going to be room for your sentimental things. You don't have to throw them all out. Do you plan on just getting rid of all these memories?" he asked, grabbing another art project.

"I just figured they'd be taking up space. Do you have your old projects?" I asked, moving onto another bin.

"I think my mom has them" he chuckled, my lips pursing as I glanced up at him.

"And you're giving me shit?"

"I wasn't giving you shit, you're just getting rid of like everything"

"Well I don't know what I want to keep, so might as well" I shrugged, shoving another bin out of the way once I realized it was Logan's shit.

"What are you doing?" Gemma's tiny slightly slurred voice asks, her little body peering over my shoulder.

"We're going through mommy's childhood stuff, want to help?" I asked, Gemma shaking her head making me laugh.

"What do you think of mommy's old project?" Colby asked, holding up yet another art project I didn't remember.

"Looks silly" she giggled, Colby handing it to her, "Momma make dis?"

"Mhm"

"Mommy's gotten better" She giggled, my jaw dropping in offense.

"You don't think this is good? I was like eight when I made this!" I fake shrieked, swiping the paper of dried water colored paint from her.

"Messy!" she giggled, pointing at my work, my jaw still dropped but I stayed quiet, shaking my head as her and Colby conversed about another art project.

Gemma stayed with us for a little bit before running off when Harper got here, Logan having come over to go through his own bins of shit.

"Think Lexi will come do hers?" He asked, a few containers of her stuff getting shoved towards the stairs.

"I don't fucking know. For all I know she's never speaking to me again" I huffed, sliding my now gone through bin over to Colby.

"I guess Landon has heard from her? I don't know much more than that" He informed, speaking again when I stayed quiet, "Leighton? You alright?"

I swallowed the emotions that were building in my throat, nodding, "It just sucks, that's all" I replied quietly, pulling out a folder of old tests that had all sorts of different grades on them, tossing the entire folder into the trash pile.

"Woah, what was all that?" Colby asked, the loud thud catching his attention.

"My old tests, I don't know why she kept those" I snickered, "I mean, a lot of them were from like middle, high school"

"Oh I need to see these. What kind of student was Leighton Fox?" Colby rhetorically asked, picking up the worn red folder that had faded edged due to it being a $2 cardboard folder from a decade ago.

"B....B plus... C minus... d plus?" His eyebrow raised at me, pulling out one of my math sheets to show Logan and I the bright red D- written on the top with a circle around it.

"Shut up, I wasn't good at math, leave me alone!" I defended, Colby chuckling as he continued to dig through the papers, reading off all of my different grades, "A plus in science?" his eyebrow raised.

"And?"

"You're a science nerd, huh?"

"Why? Because one paper from the seventh grade has an A plus? I probably cheated on it anyway" I snickered, Logan tsking. "Shut up! You cheated all the time! None of us have math genes and you got all A's all the fucking time" I rolled my eyes, Logan faking offense, "I did not"

"You did too! You were too busy tryna get into Miranda's pants"

"She was hot and a cheerleader!" He defended himself, my eyes rolling as Colby snickered.

"You thought all cheerleaders were hot, but didn't dare look at the other jock kids. You were shallow in high school. Glad Cynthia changed your ways" I teased, Logan's eyes rolling.

"What's this?" Colby asked, stopping our augmented banter.

"What's what?"

"This" Colby turned a piece of paper around.

"Oh" I stated, my eyes locked on the photo in front of me.

"That's Lex and Leigh" Logan answered for me, Colby's brow furrowed as he turned the photo back around.

"That's Leighton?" he confirmed, Logan nodding.

"Mom had us get professional photos done when the twins were babies. They made a whole day out of it and Leighton was so crabby the entire car ride because she skipped her nap" Logan snickered, "And I remember having to feed her some of my snacks so she'd stop crying and waking the babies. She never paid me back" He cocked an eyebrow, turning to look at me.

"Whatever" my eyes rolled, "You were just as annoying"

"Oh yeah? I bet you don't even remember that day" he shot back, my eyes narrowing.

"You were these ugly blue suspenders that you threw a fit about because mom wanted you to wear the gray ones so you'd match; but your blue ones had Batman on them"

"Do you have more photos of you as a toddler?" Colby asked, glancing around the mess we had created.

"Mom has a few photo albums, why?" I asked.

"I just, I never realized how much you look like Gemma"

My head shook, "Really? I don't see it"

"You had blonde hair as a toddler, so does she. Granted, it's started to darken a little bit" he turned the photo back around, "But you guys look very similar"

"She has a lot of Gabe's features though" I shrugged, hoping Logan doesn't go dig out the family albums considering he also has embarrassing photos in there.

Colby got quiet, the silence lingering as I shoved a box titled "Logan's High School CDs" towards him, pulling out another that was labeled "Leighton + Lexi baby clothes" piquing my interest as I lifted the lid, Colby's throat cleared; "Do you think our baby will look like you? You and Gem?" He asked, my hands pulling out different articles of clothes.

"Hm?" I hummed, looking up at him.

"I asked if you thought our baby will look like you girls"

I shrugged, "I mean, I think G looks like her dad, so maybe our baby will look like you. Just take my genes out of the equation completely" I snickered, Colby shaking his head.

"I want my baby to look just like you. I want all your genes, even the crazy ones" he grinned, my jaw dropping.

"Hey!"

"You're beautiful, Leighton. Our girls would be lucky to look like you. I honestly want our littlest one to have your beautiful eyes and smile"

"Yours are just as pretty, she's lucky either way" I complimented back, Logan fake gagging making us laugh. "Was this mine or Lexi's? Do you remember?" I asked Logan, pulling out an old baby dress.

"Was probably both of yours"

"I'm keeping this for the little one" I murmured, setting it aside and pulling out another, "Oh my god look at these little overalls"

"That has you written all over it" Logan laughed, my smile widening as I stared down at it, wishing I had found this box sooner when Gemma was a baby.

"I can't wait to dress our baby in cute things" I sighed, Colby grabbing my accumulating pile of clothes and putting them into one of our keep bags.

"Have you guys thought any more about baby names? Cynthia said it was quite the hot topic lately"

"Gemma suggested the name Rosie, and I agreed to humor her, but that isn't happening" I chuckled, grunting as I pushed myself up onto my knees; Colby grabbing my hand to help steady me.

"We like the name Zoe and Riley. We've tossed around Parker and Collette" Colby said, Logan nodding along.

"I don't like the way Collette sounds with Brock. That's our problem" I began, "Colby's got such an annoying last name that making names sound good is a struggle"

"Leighton's just overly picky is the real problem"

"Oh whatever, you hated my name ideas. Don't act like you're easy to please either" I scoffed.

"We thought about naming Harper, Melanie" Logan chimed in, surprising me.

"Really? Why?"

"Family name for Cynthia"

"Ah" I turned to face Colby, "Do you have any good family names?"

"I mean, my mom would die if we named our baby after her, but uh.. I don't really want to do that" he chuckled, his cheeks tinting pink.

"To be fair, Lesa is hard to use for a middle name — Oh! Speaking of your parents!"

"Oh god" Colby groaned.

"Your dad is trying to talk me into moving to Arizona"

"What?" Colby asked, his face scrunching up, "Why?"

"They want us to be closer for their grandbaby"

He was quiet for a moment before asking, "Do you want to?"

"What? Move to Arizona?" I questioned, Colby nodding, "God no, but I didn't know how to tell him that. I kind of just shrugged and moved on..."

"I don't want to move to Arizona either. If they want to be closer to the grandkids, they gotta come our way" Colby chuckles, "You'd murder me if I dragged you somewhere even hotter"

"You guys are moving?" Logan asked, looking between Colby and I.

"We were talking about it" I informed my brother, Colby nodding.

"Out of state?"

"Uh.. no? I don't know. I don't really want to leave mom"

"Well whatever you decide to do, factor in how long it takes for you to visit because I can't live without my niece"

"What about me?!"

"I've had you around my neck for 20 years" He teased, Colby snickering when I scoffed.

"You're both mean" I huffed, making an attempt to get up off the floor, pushing away the helpful hands before finally giving in, groaning and glaring at Colby as I tried to walk away, his hand keeping hold of mine as he pulled me back into him; "I could never get enough of you Leighton Rae" he murmured, pulling me in for a kiss, groaning when I turned my face so his lips met my cheek instead.

"Daaamn! Someone's in the dog house!" Logan laughed, my hand going behind my back to flip him off, wiggling out of Colby's hold and walking off.

I flicked on the bathroom light, jumping when I saw Colby standing behind me in the mirror.

"You've got to stop meeting me in the bathroom" I panted, my heart beating out of my chest.

He laughed, moving to wrap his arms under my own, clasping around my stomach, "Are you mad at me?" he hummed against my ear, resting his chin on my shoulder as we watched each other in the mirror.

"No"

"Why'd you walk off?"

"I've been sitting for over an hour. Shit hurts. You try carrying the baby next time" I sighed, leaning back to rest my head against his shoulder.

"I'm sorry you're in pain, I wish I could make it better; but it'll all be worth it, I promise"

"Can I ask you something?" I asked softly, chewing on my lower lip, watching the way his eyes flickered between one of my nervous habits and the wary settling in my eyes.

"Always"

"Did you think I'd be a good mother?"

I watched the way his lips pursed slightly, his brows pulling inwards as he took a breath through his nose; "What makes you ask that?" he asked, the pit forming in my stomach.

"Well, you didn't like me... and then you found out I was pregnant.. and you kinda.. came to my rescue? Did you worry? That I was like.. a bad person or something? I just... sometimes I feel like I don't deserve this. Like I don't deserve her, and maybe she would be happier with a different family. Maybe I don't love her enough. Maybe I'm not enough, ya know? I'm quite fucked up, ya know?" I slightly joked, my eyes filling with tears, causing them to flutter shut in hopes he didn't notice the waterfall that was threatening to cascade down my quivering chin.

"Baby, you're more than enough. You can't sit here asking what if. Gemma smiles and laughs all day long. She has a roof over her head. A warm dinner on the table every night. She gets a goodnight kiss and her blankets tucked in around her, keeping her safe from all the monsters that you swear aren't there, every night. Just because you have a past, that doesn't mean you can't change and grow. You're a wonderful mother in your own way, just like everyone else. There is no perfect mother, but you're perfect to me"

"That's nice and all, but that didn't answer my question" I chuckled, a tear rolling down my face, my hand quickly swiping it away, Colby frowning.

"Why are you crying?"

"Because that's what I know how to do best" I joked again, sniffling as my eyes squeezed shut, wanting it to stop.

"Talk to me baby" He urged softly, turning me around so we were face to face, his hands coming up to cradle my face, causing me to keep my eyes on him.

The longer the thoughts whirled around in my head, the more my eyes begin to sting as a struggled sob escaped past my lips, the tightness in my throat becoming too much to handle as I wobbled out, "Sometimes I think I'm not the reason people stick around" the tears falling quick, the heat of them causing warmth to spread around my red cheeks; the glistening streaks bringing a frown to Colby's face.

"Is this about the joke Logan made earlier? — Leighton, you know he was kidding. You guys are siblings. You love each other more than I can even understand"

"But what if the words hold more weight than I know?" I worried, my insecurity beginning to spread like a mental pandemic as I started to question everyone's place in my life.

"Leigh" he sighed, "You are loved. You are wanted. You're enough. I want you. Logan wants you. Your dad wants you. Your mom wants you. Your daughters want you—"

"But what about Kat, huh? Or Aaliyah? What about them? What about Lexi? What if my parents are letting me in because of Gemma? What if they still think I'm this fucked up kid who's ruining their life, but they want Gemma to have a good life, so they're keeping her shitty mother around" Colby's eyes showed confusion as I continue to ramble; "What if I fuck up again, and again, and again, and again? Then what? It's bound to happen, Colby! I'm going to lose my daughter one day and I just.." my face scrunched up as a sound of agony filled the bathroom.

"You're not going to lose her, Leighton. You're doing everything in your power to keep her. You are worthy of her Leighton. I don't care what your mind is telling you. It's not true. — Wait, is this why you want a sober house?" he asked, my head shaking.

"I can't get her into preschool, Colby" my hoarse voice spoke out, "I'm already failing her"

"You're not failing her, Leighton. She doesn't need to go to preschool. Everything she learns at preschool, she can learn at home" he tried to reassure me as my head shook in disagreement.

"I'm scared" I quietly confessed, sniffling again, my nose turning pink as my hand wiped across it.

"Of what?"

"This baby"

I watched his body tense, before falling as his eyes flickered with worry.

"The baby? Why?"

"I don't want to repeat history, Colby"

"Repeat history, how?"

My eyes squeezed shut as the burn began to get warmer; "I hate myself for this" I spoke through a clenched jaw.

"Leighton?"

"Maybe you're right" I started, opening my eyes but keeping them away from his blue ones.

"About?"

"About... about.. about me being in over my head"

"Leighton" he sighed, my head starting to shake again.

"Do you think I'm selfish?" I asked softly, Aaliyah's words ringing through my ears louder than ever.

Colby stayed quiet for a second too long, my lips forming into a tight line as I nodded, my finger wiping under my water line as I pushed past him, biting my lip to prevent the sound of my cries from escaping.

I scurried down to the basement, softly closing the door, crawling into my bed as I stared at the ceiling, tears rolling down my cheeks.

My hands rested over my bump, a larger lump forming in my throat as my mind began to spiral.

Would we still be together if I wasn't pregnant?

Would Colby's family like me if I wasn't having his baby?

Did I even deserve to have this baby?

Flashes of Gemma as a newborn flickered through my brain like an old movie; Gabriel's harsh words as I poured my breast milk down the drain. Gemma's constant crying and my lack of bonding with her feels like a heavy weight on my chest.

I knew Gabe's mother was right.

I would always be a fuck up. I mean, you can't exactly never be an addict ever again. One drink always turns into two; one blow one time turning into a lifetime of dependency to the point that I can't even properly care for my children.

I've always had the thought in the back of my head that Katrina only stuck around me because I was having Gemma... but what about everyone else? What about Colby?

Colby didn't even like me until he learned I was pregnant.

Did his instincts kick in like Sam? Like Kat? The need to protect this baby from its own mother?

Do people only stick around to catch my children when I fall?

Am I a forever fucked up mess like I've been made out to be? Am I truly so selfish that I can ruin lives? Lose friends? Relationships? Become dependent on substances?

How often do I say "I" instead of, "You" or "We"?

The feeling of a sharp warm sting caught my attention, my eyes frantically looking towards where the feeling came from, watching blood trickle down my arm.

My thumb swiped the blood away, my fingers adding pressure to the wound as I winced, cursing myself out for mindlessly causing myself harm when the bedroom door opened, Colby walking in and shutting it behind him.

It didn't take long for his eyes to find my wrist, his shoulders falling, "Leighton" he whispered, "What happened?"

"I don't mean to be self absorbed, I'm sorry" I whimpered, the bed dipping as Colby kneeled on it, moving his thighs to rest against my knees.

"Baby, you're not self absorbed. You're just scared, and that's okay. Why did you hurt yourself?"

"I didn't know it was happening until there was already blood" I shamefully confessed, "Felt like I deserved it though" I mumbled, my eyes squeezing shut as shame raced through my veins.

Just another one of Leighton's self absorbed, attention seeking episodes...

"Leighton, look at me" Colby's stern voice pulled my eyes open, his face blurred, "You feel this?" he asked, his hand moving to twist my engagement ring slightly on my finger, my head nodding, "I put this here, because I love you. Not because I want to save you. Not because I think you're destined to doom. I asked you to marry me, because I love you. I want you. I want a life with you. I want you to have my children and be their mom. I want you to be my spouse. Be my rock. Be someone who can keep me in line and hold me accountable. You feel this?" His hand moved down to my bump, softly caressing the skin, my head nodding again, "This beautiful bump that keeps our precious baby safe was put there out of love. Out of want. She may have been a surprise, but she will never be a mistake. Gemma isn't a mistake. You are not a mistake. You make mistakes but you are not one. No one is waiting to watch you fall. No one is sticking around only because of your children. This time, can I ask you something?" he asked, my head nodding slowly. "Are your tattoos hiding your secrets?" He asked, his hands moving to hold my wrists above my hand, his thumbs running over my wrists; my lip quivering as my eyes widened, telling him everything he needed to know; "You, Leighton Rae, are beautiful, perfect, the love of my life, a wonderful mother, the strongest person I know; Your trauma does not define you. Your past doesn't control you and your mind? It's just trying to protect you. I can't wait to buy a house with you, and continue to grow our family" his nose brushed against mine before his lips enclosed on my own, my tears falling against his own cheeks.

"I'm sorry for everything I've done. I'm sorry for being selfish and yelling at you to communicate, when I haven't properly done so myself-"

"Hey. Life's hard. We both know it. It's okay. We can't control what other people do, but I want you to know that I chose you. I wanted you and I'm doing my fucking best to pull my own shit together. I'm sorry for everything I've put you through these past few months"

"Do you think I can stay sober?" I asked quietly.

"I think you're capable of it"

"So you aren't sticking around because I'm carrying your baby?"

"No," he chuckled, "That's just a bonus. I can't wait to expand our family and watch you be a beautiful mother to our children" His lips moved down my tear stained jaw as he murmured words of affirmation and compliments against my skin, kissing down my collarbones before moving to my left wrist, kissing down my arm, stopping at my inner elbow before switching to the next.

"I've always loved your tattoos" he admitted quietly, "I love how they make you stand out. I love how I can get lost in them when your arms are wrapped around me in your sleep. I love trying to find hidden meanings in them, or wondering what some of the more random ones are for. I love how it blends together so nicely. the way the rose on your hand stands out. I love your ribcage tattoo; perfectly imperfect, and how it perfectly describes you. I love the cascading tattoo behind your ear that trails perfectly down your neck; one of my favorite places to kiss when you're asleep. I love your matching tattoos on your finger, and how you left a space for me to fill. I love the curve of your waist" his hands moved down to trail down my ribcage, settling on my hips, "And your beautiful markings down your thighs" his hands moved to spread against the side of my thighs, moving to rest on top of them. "I love all your little freckles and moles. The little imperfections on your skin make me love you a thousand times more" My legs spread for him, welcoming him to rest in-between my thighs, my arousal starting to dampen my underwear the lower his hands went, "May I?" he asked, my head quickly nodding as I hummed in approval, lifting my lips as his thumbs hooked the waistband of my pants, pulling them down my thighs, "I love your beautiful pussy and how incredible it is that you're going to push our baby out of it. Watching you do that with Gemma only made me appreciate it more. Want to.." he lowered on the bed, his breath against my wet folds making my breath hitch, "love on it more" he pressed a gentle kiss against my opening, my center clenching around nothing as I groaned, Colby matching me when his tongue came out to flick against my clenching center.

"Sex deprived?" he teased, my hips bucking up to meet his mouth.

"Don't be a tease, please" I begged, desperately wanting to feel my hormonal sex drive for the first time whilst being pregnant.

"I'm sorry, baby" he hummed, his mouth thankfully meeting my center as he began to work me towards the pleasure I was chasing.

The feeling of his tongue against my clit, or softly licking against my sensitive nerves had my back arching in no time as my hand came down, finding his hair.

"Come on baby" he hummed against me, bringing my clit into his mouth as his fingers teased my center; a loud moan rumbling my vocal cords as he slid two fingers in, pumping them slowly.

His fingertips brushed against my g-spot, my hips bucking, wanting more, but he refused. Keeping his fingers just out if reach from my sweet spot.

"You're clenching so hard around my fingers, Leignton" he chuckled, a groan leaving my lips when Colby moved onto his knees, leaving his fingers in me to toy with me some more as his mouth found my sensitive nipples.

That was one thing that never changed each time I was pregnant; my nipples were almost too sensitive.

A few kitten licks and kisses to my erect nipples and my world turned white as my want and need slid down my thighs; a loud moan getting cut off with a kiss from Colby. My eyes were squeezed shut as pleasure rippled through me. Desperately wanting to open my eyes and see Colby's became not a want, but a need.

Fighting against my own instincts, I finally got my green eyes to open, the look of Colby looking down at me with so much love and admiration made my chest thump quicker as I panted, his fingers slipping out of me, bringing them to his mouth to clean them off.

"Good god" I panted, a smile tugging on his lips.

"Been a while, hm?" He grinned, shimmying lower between my legs.

"What are you- oh" I moaned, Colby's tongue delicately cleaning me up.

"You came so hard" he noted, his finger easily slipping into me, a gasp leaving my lips due to how sensitive I was; Colby showing me his finger that was completely drenched in my cum.

By the time he was done, I was withering on the bed, unsure if I wanted him to stop, or keep going.

"It's been so long" I exhaled, Colby moving up my body, his erection against my thigh as he leaned down to kiss me.

"I love you, Leignton Rae. You're perfect for me. For our girls" he murmured tiredly.

Colby rolled over to the side, his head on the pillow next to mine, causing me to shift so I could view him.

"You're not going to fuck me?" I asked, confused why he'd stop, considering how hard he appeared to be.

"Tonights about you, baby. I'll be fine" he shot me a look, a frown appearing on my face.

"I can help you out too, ya know? Want my hand? My mouth? You could slide between my folds if you didn't lick me dry" I teased, carefully sitting up so I could try and straddle him, confusion making my stomach clench when he stopped me.

"I'm alright, baby"

Oh.

"Uh.. okay" I stumbled, embarrassment flooding through me.

Why'd he turn me down?

I couldn't help it as I began to think of all the reasons why.

Why would he bring me to an orgasm, and not want it returned? I'm more than willing....

"Leighton" he sighed, "I can hear your thoughts from here"

"Well" I snapped, pushing myself out of bed, stumbling slightly.

"Hey! Please be careful" he begged, quickly leaning across the bed to catch my arm, steadying me.

"Blame your bowling ball of a daughter" I grumbled, snatching my arm back as he groaned, flopping back into his previous position.

"Leighton" he sighed again, "Why are you mad?"

"I'm not mad"

"Leighton" his voice dragged out, a knowing tone telling me my bullshit was wearing thin on him.

Ditto.

"What?" I snapped, turning to face him.

"Are you seriously mad that I won't let you blow me?" He asked, moving to lean up on his elbows.

My eyes rolled as I stayed quiet, Colby's chest deflating.

"Baby, I'd love for you too.. but.. but I just.."

"Just what, Colby? You just what? Spit it out already! — Was it pity? Is that what just happened? You found the mother of your child crying and you decided 'You know what will fix this? A good orgasm'" I scoffed, "Screw you!" I yelled, his eyes widening.

"Leighton, stop self-destructing! That's not true and you know it" he argued back, surprising me, but I kept my face stoic.

"What's your fucking problem?! One second you're overly affectionate and the next you act like my touch is going to burn you! Am I not attractive to you anymore?" I asked, my breathing becoming shallow, "Because if you don't like me anymore, you can leave. Don't stay here with me if you're unhappy. If... if.. if there's someone.. someone else, I.. I understand" I struggled, hating how deep those words cut, making it impossible to keep my I don't give a fuck voice.

The way he froze didn't go unnoticed, in fact, it cracked my heart.

"Wait" I whimpered, "There's.... there's someone else?" I asked, feeling my entire world shatter around me. "I just.. I was just.. I was just saying that" my voice wobbled. "I-" my breathing became more rapid and something switched in Colby; his eyes widening as what appeared to be realization hitting of what was happening.

"No! No. There isn't anyone else. Oh my god, please don't cry! I know I was quiet, it was shock! Leighton, wait" he panicked, quickly scurrying off the bed over to me, his hands reaching out for me.

I quickly took a few steps back, betrayal pumping through my veins.

"Who is she? Is she pretty?" I asked. "Does she have less baggage?"

"There is no other girl baby" he tried to console me which only made my anger front quicker.

"YOU CHEATER! DON'T TOUCH ME!" I yelled, his eyes wide.

"Leighton-"

"NO! You don't get to have your cake and eat it too!"

"Leighton!" His hands grabbed my arms, forcing me to look at him, "There. Is. No. Other. Girl. If you need to look through my phone to trust me, fine. But there is no other girl. It's just you, babe. I didn't want any sexual favors in return because you were just crying. What I did was all for you, about you. To love on you. I don't want tonight to be about me. I'm perfectly fine taking a cold shower"

"No.. no. It's uh, it's okay" I back peddled, "I don't need to see your phone. I trust you. I'm sorry I.. I'm sorry I accused you of cheating. It's just.. god, I'm sorry" i exhaled, my head hanging low.

I can believe I just embarrassed myself like that.

"It's okay. I'm sorry I didn't immediately say anything. I was just shocked" he explained again, my head nodding.

I glanced down forwards his crotch, seeing the area a lot smaller now.

Colby followed my gaze, a light chuckle leaving his lips; "It's hard to be hard when your fiance is screaming and crying that you cheated on her"

"God" I groaned, "I'm so embarrassed. I just... I just thought that if you didn't want me, there had to be a reason. Oh my god I sound psychotic!" I rubbed my hand over my eye, wishing we could just forget everything that just happened. "I'm so sorry" I apologized, Colby pulling me into his muscular arms.

"We're both a little crazy" he snickered, his hand coming up to filt my chin upwards, leaning down to softly kiss me. "We'd be boring if we didn't have a little ounce of crazy here and there. Gotta keep things interesting" he smirked, kissing me again.

"We have more than just an ounce of crazy" I laughed, "Me, by myself could probably keep the business running"

"And yet I still put a ring on your finger" he grinned.

"Hey! I'm not the one marrying the crazy! — You know what's worse than marrying the crazy?"

"Hm?"

"Putting a baby in the crazy. That's a life long commitment ya know" I joked, Colby's eyes twinkling making my stomach flutter.

"And I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat"

* * * *

I'm still trying to figure out how I want to add smut into fanfics cus I tend to add too many details due to writing one shot smut fics... so uh, if this one sucks, I apologize lol.

Sorry for the lack of Gemma, she'll be back! lol

This was supposed to be out two weeks ago....

Written on: July 10th, 19th, 20th, 23rd, 24th, 26th, 30th, 31st , August 2nd 2023

Published on: August 2nd 2023

Word Count: 7909

Part Nineteen

[ramonadecember]

For Ardem:

Eros 1, 3

Philia 1, 5

Storge 1, 4

Agape 5

Ludus 1, 2, 5

Pragma 2, 3

Philautia 3, 4, 5

oc love asks.

I didn’t forget about these last ones, things have just been… a lot lately lmao. have some of my big boy.

—

Eros/1: I don’t think Ardem can be considered romantic in general, let alone in the ‘traditional’ sense. it’s been a slight issue in the past with more than one partner thinking he could stand to be a little more so. Ardem is under the firm belief that they knew what they were getting into, knew he wasn’t like that. that’s only ever started to change when it comes to Dorian, he’s been the only one Ardem has really wanted to try with. Dorian deserves the romance that he’s so often been denied in his life, and Ardem maybe wants to provide that to him…

Eros/3: Ardem isn’t the biggest fan of PDA, mostly because he isn’t a fan of anything that makes him look ‘soft.’ gotta be a cool tough guy at all times. so if there is PDA, it’s not gonna be sweet or tender, no little cuddles or hand holding. he might try to go along with it for the sake of a partner, but he wouldn’t initiate, and he’d likely end up shying away from it. if he’s feeling particularly frisky he might ‘slip’ and pull his partner into a kiss regardless of people who may be around, but it still wouldn’t be a gentle thing. it’d also depend who the ‘public’ was though, because there’s definitely situations where it’d be off the table entirely. 

Philia/1: I don’t know that Ardem necessarily had/has someone he considers his ~best friend~. he always had a group of friends he was close enough with, and his little mercenary squad was practically like a small family, but there was no one person that stands out or that he was especially close with. Ardem was excited to meet Iron Bull, thought he was going to find a close connection there, someone who got him, but it’s actually been… pretty up and down, so not the bff-in-the-making that Ardem had hoped for. he’s slowly building friendships within the Inquisition though, so maybe one of them will get the title eventually, ha. he vibes with Cullen a lot more than he thought he would, and even before the eventual relationship with him, Dorian was the person who seemed to get him the most, so…

Storge/1: he def has his parent’s unconditional love. Ardem knows that he’s not always the model son, but his parents considered just like… being together and bringing a child into the world of their own accord to be such a gift in itself when the alternative was a life under the Qun, and they love him SO much, and have always made sure he knows that too. They found the work he did pre-Inquisition to be respectful, and were proud of him, particularly when he got put into a leadership role. They didn’t need him to be perfect. And I think it’s kinda like… no surprise that after the support he’s received (from them and others) that he was kinda blindsided by how much being a part of the Inquisition made him feel like such shit, ha…

Storge/4: Ardem has one sibling, a sister not too much younger than him. they have a fairly ‘typical’ sibling relationship, I’d say. they’re not wildly close, but they get on just fine. he’s definitely not ~the protective older brother~ or anything, but she’s also nearly as… rough around the edges as Ardem is, and she can handle herself. the only time it sort of ramps up is when Sera finds out and ‘jokes’ about setting them up, because Ardem recalls her comments in the past about ‘wondering what your women look like,’ and Ardem is still too unsure if they were mean spirited, a little fetish-y, or Sera truly being into a woman who could snap her in half for him to be super comfortable with that lmao. 

Agape/5: between mercenary and Inquisitor, there hasn’t been a lot of room for Ardem to empathize with his enemies. Ardem is more than the ‘strike first, ask questions later’ brute he seems to be, he actually really likes the tactics and the strategy and the planning and that kind of stuff (which is why he manages to be buddies with Cullen, I think lol), and both ‘jobs’ have allowed Ardem that opportunity (more so the Inquisiton than mercenary work, because often a lot of that was out of his hands, be it because he wasn’t in charge or it wasn’t what whoever they were working for asked for), but I wouldn’t call choosing not to like… immediately resort to killing ‘empathy’ necessarily. 

Ludus/1+2: Ardem isn’t skilled at flirting, and he doesn’t really have any particular lines he uses, but he also hasn’t put a lot of time or effort into making that not the case. He’s not super subtle in his attempts, but his methods can be… questionable, which lead others to wonder ‘is he …….flirting?’ lmao. Ardem can have very ‘kid pulling pigtails on the playground’ methods of flirting, which isn’t ideal, because there’s playful teasing, and then there’s whatever comments Ardem makes, ha. he’s definitely pulled back a little on that since realizing it uh, can really be taken the wrong way, but it’s still sort of the case. And this ties in with the below question, but his other move is doing things to show off/look impressive/etc. in front of the person he’s ‘flirting’ with. again, his methods are… a little juvenile, but…

Ludus/5: I don’t know that they really count as seduction techniques, but what really ‘works’ for Ardem is competence. There’s just something very, very sexy about someone who’s good at what they do, and who knows it too. He’s not opposed to cockiness when it’s warranted… It’s def like, at least what can create a spark of interest  in him towards another, and it’s something that attracted him to Bull in their early days of the Inquisition (as well as the fact he’s a mountain of meat + someone Ardem (wrongfully) thought he’d have a Qunari-based connection with), and later Dorian (Ardem didn’t have a lot of experience with mages but he still knows that the skill Dorian shows sure is something special).

Pragma/2: the biggest challenge in the past that Ardem had to deal with while in a relationship was the loss of his father. Ardem took it hard, he struggled, and he… wasn’t great to the person he was with at the time because of it. he has a hard time being open and dealing with feelings, and how closed off he got at that time ended up being the final straw in a relationship that was never gonna last anyway. which brings us to the real biggest challenge Ardem has in any relationship, and that’s letting it get past a surface level thing. even in longer relationships, Ardem has made sure it never gets the deep. he doesn’t like to be/feel vulnerable or to look ‘soft’ as previously mentioned, and it means even his partners are kept at a distance. Dorian may not be the least emotionally repressed either, but Ardem knows he has to do better if he wants to keep Dorian. and he really, really wants to keep Dorian. 

Pragma/3: his parents are not still together, but only because his father passed away a handful of years ago. they’re relationship was something special. as mentioned earlier… they were living free of the Qun and that gave them the ability to lead the lives they wanted with the partner of their choosing, and they made the most of that. there was so much love between them and it showed through in everything and set a great example for their kids. it’s honestly a little weird that Ardem is so relationship-averse when that’s what he had to look up to, and he could definitely stand to learn from them and strive for a love like that. 

Philautia/3: Ardem holds himself to the same standards as others, if not higher ones. as a leader, both pre- and within the Inquisition, and so he thinks it’s important to set a good example. and like… yeah, we know the guy is uh. rough around the edges, he doesn’t always say or do the exact right thing, but in his actions, where it counts, he’d like to think those standards show through. he owns up to his mistakes, he doesn’t make excuses for himself, and so he sure doesn’t allow them from others, and he expects them to take responsibility for their choices as well. Ardem doesn’t think these expectations are particularly hard to meet, just the decent thing to do.

Philautia/4+5: again I’m combining because one sort of overlaps with/leads into the other. the quality about himself that always made Ardem proud was his ability to not give a damn. That’s not meant in the way it could easily be taken, where like… someone who says that is usually an asshole who doesn’t care about who they’re hurting, it’s meant in a way where like… Ardem was able to let so much just roll right off him. He was very secure in himself and his choices and his life, and if he wasn’t actually harming anyone, then Ardem didn’t care what anyone else had to say about those things. that quality of his has unfortunately kind of… gone away quite a bit in his time with the Inquisition, because that time has really changed Ardem’s opinion of himself. never before has he been so unsure of himself and his capabilities, never before has he let people’s words get to him so much. Ardem has kinda lost his sense of self.

[whiskeynwriting]

An Omen (To Everyone but Me)

Black Noir x Female Reader

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Word Count: 5.4k

Warnings: 18+ (minors DNI) size kink, spanking, hair pulling, choking, slight olfactophilia, vaginal fingering, unprotected vaginal sex, slightly rough sex

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A/N: I can’t hold myself back good God

Thank you to @phnyx for being an amazing beta reader <3 as always, ily

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Black Noir finally got a masterlist!!

Join My Taglist!

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It’s a slow, quiet maneuver, one he’s done a million times before but never in this context. Not once in his life has he entered someone’s home in secret with goodness in his heart. And he’s not necessarily sure if this is a good thing, but it feels good, at least for him. He knows he makes you feel good, too. 

Even though he means well, he stalks you like prey once he’s in your home, slipping in through your living room window and hiding in the shadows. He’d scaled a few buildings to get up to the level you were at, but it wasn’t a hard task. His eyes adjust quickly once he’s inside too, regardless of the lack of light. Your apartment is dark, almost all of your lamps off as you’re likely preparing for bed. It’s late in the night, but he knows you’re awake; he saw you moving around through the windows during his approach. 

So, he waits, watching, listening, eyes slowly scanning the room. And when he finally sees you, his heart thumps in his chest. Not with surprise but with longing; he missed you. 

“Jesus,” you nearly shriek, his shadowy figure now visible as he stands in the corner. 

You’re only in a pair of panties and a sleep shirt, having wandered out into the living room while on your way to the kitchen. You were grabbing a glass of water before bed. 

Your eyes squint. “Noir?” 

His presence is completely unannounced, and for some foolish reason, you briefly wonder how he got in. It only takes a few seconds for you to see the open window beside him. 

“What, what’re you…” 

In the darkness, he cocks his head to the side, now stepping forward to approach you. He crosses the floor of your living room, making a slow, straight line directly for you. 

It’s been weeks since you’ve last seen him, and while you’re shocked in the moment, you’re also happy. You’ve missed him; even if all you usually did was touch each other in bed, you missed him. His presence alone made you feel content and safe, and you really liked that. 

With dark eyes, he approaches you, towering above you once he’s close enough. You breathe out a small hi while staring up at him, your heart fluttering inside. His breaths are heavy, evident by the visible rise and fall of the armor covering his chest. But he doesn’t seem angry or upset, at least it doesn’t appear that way. You can just tell, you can just feel it. With that being said though, he’s definitely not calm. 

You wonder what he’s been up to, not since being apart, but before he arrived tonight. Was he in the middle of completing a mission? Did he already complete one, finding himself in your area shortly after? Or did he set out to find you? It’s funny, you think, if you were anyone else, you’d be scared. Terrified, even. To those on the wrong side of The Seven, Black Noir was an enemy, an omen, something to truly fear. Maybe he is an omen, you think, an omen to everyone but me.

Noir reaches out to you, smoothing his right hand gently over your cheek, then your jaw. It’s a timid touch, soft and almost sweet. He’s admiring you.

“I missed you, too.” you tell him, melting under his touch. 

Before anything else is done or said, Noir’s hand slides down to your neck. In the same motion he walks forward, his strong body urging your own to step back. He’s not satisfied until you’re pressed against your living room wall, his fingers clamping down around your throat while he watches you release a quiet gasp. You take a shaky breath, his advance already making the space between your legs burn bright. As a reflex, your hands reach for him, grabbing onto his armored forearm. The act is unexpected but not unwelcome, much like his appearance.The sheer size of him compared to yourself makes your breaths almost nonexistent, his height and strength unmatched to that of any other man that’s ever joined you in bed. 

And then he leans in, his face not even an inch from yours. He doesn’t do it to intimidate you, he does it just for the sake of being close to you. 

“Baby,” you moan with a grin, feeling his right hand lower to cup you between your legs. 

He growls, a small noise, but loud enough for you to hear. And then, his head tilts, a curious yet teasing motion as he touches you. You like this? his silent gesture says. Pressing his body against yours, he rubs you, the movements of his hand firm and slow. He’s looking down at you, holding your throat while breathing out heavily through his nose. It’s satisfying, finally being with you again. He thought about you nearly every day you were apart; he wanted to see you so badly, and in so many ways. There were nights where he laid in bed thinking about you, rolling over to hold his pillow and wishing it was you. There were also nights where he laid in his underclothes and touched himself, wishing his hand was you, too. 

“Mm,” you softly grunt, eyes closing while his fingers rub you. 

It’s not long before you’re rolling your hips down into his hand, and sadly, it’s not long after that, that his movements subside. With anticipation tingling in your bones, you finally feel Noir’s fingers slip your panties to the side. A long breath is released from both of your bodies as his middle finger slides slowly into your warmth; he can feel it even through his gloves. He keeps it there, only for a moment, only until you sigh. And when you do, it’s then that he moves, the back and forth motion of his first act leisurely as he begins to work you open. 

“Noir,” comes your passionate moan, eyes still shut while you grip his forearm tight. You can feel the muscles in his forearm flexing, working hard to stretch you out while adding a second finger to the mix. They’re twice the size of yours; even three of your own could never compare to what he has. 

He pumps them into you, pressing his pelvis over your hip while watching you, his gaze unwavering although you don’t know. Even though your eyes are closed, he loves to see the expressions you make; he loves to see what he does to you. He can’t wait to hear the noises he can pull from you. 

What really gets you is his grip on your throat, as it’s still relatively new. He’d only done it once before and that’s when he last saw you. It seems strange but you love the feeling of it, his fist wrapped tight around your windpipe, fingers pressing into your skin, especially while he touches you. It’s exciting, because you know he could do so much harm to you if he wanted to. But he never would, he’d never want to hurt you. He made sure to not hurt you the first time he did it, applying just the right amount of pressure to make you gasp. And he does the same now, doing his best not to get too excited or overwhelmed. But holding you like this makes him feel strong. Of course, so did other things, like his powers and skills, the missions he’s completed and the enemies he’s killed. But it feels different with you. Noir doesn’t spend time with other people, not like how he spends time with you. 

“Yes,” while you gasp, he curls his fingers inside you, hearing the slick squelch of your sex and groaning. “God yes.”

He stares at you the entire time, the muscles in his arms bunching as he works his fingers into you, his other hand keeping you pinned up against the wall. You’re panting slightly as his fingers tighten around your neck, licking your lower lip as you let him hold you this way. It’s far too easy for him to control you physically, to move your body in whatever way he wants. He’s thrown men through walls before, surely he could do more than this to you. But he doesn’t, he cares for you. He finds himself liking you. And besides, there was never any reason to hurt you, not unless you asked him to. 

Noir’s fingers punch up inside you, curling every time they reach your deepest parts. The leather of his gloves rubs against your inner walls, the sensation incredibly stimulating - not dissimilar to the rest of him. You’d moan from the overwhelming nature of it all, but you can’t, not really. Small grunts and groans, little whines even, slip past your lips, but because of his firm grip you’re not able to get out much. When he hears your small whimpers he again tilts his head, coming in even closer to you. One of your hands leaves his forearm, reaching out and clutching his shoulder as he rests his forehead over your own, now beginning to move his hips against you. You can hear Noir’s deep and heavy sighs, every single breath quick yet firm. 

Suddenly, your mouth opens, jaw hanging low as your high rapidly approaches. There’s a rumble in his chest when he sees the expression on your face, feels the tightness of your sex around his digits. He can already feel you beginning to shake, your core spasming while your throat desperately tries to cry out. A shiver vibrates through your body, limbs trembling from adrenaline and euphoria. 

“N - N…” your lips try, but it’s useless. Your eyes roll back, hips bucking helplessly into his hand as you experience your high. It rolls through you in waves, provoking a gentle smile on your face. 

He doesn’t stop when your body finally reacts, finally reaches its peak. He wants you to ride it out for as long as possible, feel as nice as you can before he starts all over again. He’s made you cum twice before and he knows he can do it again. 

“Ugh,” comes your dramatic noise, a choked-out gasp falling out of your throat when he finally lets go. 

The hand you left on his shoulder drops, falling to his other arm. When Noir removes his fingers, his head immediately dips down to your chest. You expected this; he always did this, and you welcomed it. Both of his hands fall to either side of your breasts, his face planting in the center as he pushes them together while releasing a heated breath. Your own hands slide up to the back of his head, cradling him as he rests there. 

“Oh…” you moan for him, tilting your head back to rest against the wall. And he sighs in return, heart thundering in his chest from seeing and feeling you cum. 

He rubs his masked face over your chest, burying deeper between your tits. He wishes so badly he could feel your bare skin on his face. His hands massage you passionately, fingers digging into your plump flesh. His entire body is pressed against yours, so much so that it’s almost difficult to breathe. It was nearly too much, he was always too much, but you loved it that way. 

Noir keeps his face pressed into the crease of your tits, hips rolling gently over your own. If you wanted to, you could wrap your legs around him, just hang onto his body while he now explored his own bliss. Because that’s what life was when he was with you. Bliss. 

“Noir,” you sigh, a smile creeping up on your face when you feel him sigh. 

He never liked when you touched his knives, so you’re careful of the small dagger fixed at the back of his head. Nonetheless, you hold him, cradling him against your chest while he moans into you. Slowly, he moves his head, dragging it side to side as he feels the pounding in your chest. If he listens closely, he can hear it, too. His abilities allowed him the perfect opportunity to experience you fully. 

While pressing his face against you, his hands fall to another part of you, his favorite part of you. Sexually, at least. 

“Baby,” it’s something between a groan and a whine, feeling both hands grab you with force. 

He smooths his palms over your ass before squeezing you tightly, jiggling your backside briefly in his hands. 

“You missed touching me?” you ask him breathlessly, sighing out a laugh when he nods his head. 

Hurriedly, Noir’s hands find his belt, undoing it quickly and dropping the armor around his crotch. He just couldn't take it anymore, he needed more stimulation from you. And besides, he was so hard that keeping his cup on was becoming painful for him. But when it’s off he doesn’t release himself, he just grinds his pelvis into you. It’s now that his hands return to your ass, sliding down to your thighs as he lifts you. Naturally, your arms wrap around his neck. It’s crazy how easy it is for him to lift you. 

“Baby, wait,” you giggle, hands falling to either side of his face.

Immediately, he looks up at you, his chest moving rapidly. He can’t wait to ravish you. 

“I missed you,” you breathe out to him, “I really missed you being here with me.” 

Inside, your words make him sigh. He’s longed to hear such sweetness from you. Up until now, your encounters were just that, encounters. They didn’t last long, a night at most maybe. But he never slept by your side, never saw your face in the morning. Maybe he could change that tonight. 

He’s been to your home a handful of times, enough to know the layout accurately. Though with his training, he only needed to visit once to memorize every piece. In a few steps, he’s at your bedroom door, kicking it open the rest of the way while he feels you kiss his face. Your smiling lips touch the nose of his mask, his covered cheeks, and it’s quite the intimate gesture to him. Your adoration for him runs so deep, it’s heartwarming. 

Once inside your room, Noir all but throws you on your bed. He follows you down, his hands reaching for your shirt. Even though he tries not to rip it, he does so easily, lifting it up and over your head but tearing the hemline slightly. 

“H-uh,” you gasp, feeling him yank you down to the end of the bed by the firm grasp he put on your legs. 

In one quick swipe, your panties are off and on the floor, leaving you completely bare below him. He rises to his full height above you once you’re naked for him, head lowering while he scans what is now available to him. His shoulders rise and fall with the intensity of his emotions, his chest slightly out, arms at his sides while he observes you. He inhales deeply, seeing your naked chest. Your nipples are very clearly hardened, and that alone makes him throb. His eyes follow the dips and curves of your body, his want for you skyrocketing with each passing second. The sight of you laid out beneath him makes his head spin; he’s waited so long for this. 

Slowly, he makes his way down, falling to his knees with his hands sliding over the curves of your legs. They land on your thighs, moving to the portion underneath as he lifts them slightly. Furrowing your brow, you lean up a bit to look down at him. What the hell is he doing?

“Oh,” a wondrous sigh floats out of your mouth, watching Noir press his face to your soaking center. “Oh…” 

You can fucking hear him inhale, pressing his masked face into the space between your legs. And then he groans, rubbing himself in a similar fashion to the way he moved when worshipping your tits. He can smell you and if he presses himself here long enough, he’ll be able to taste you, too. Some of your slick slides across his mask, the slightly damp sensation making his eyes roll back. 

“N - Noir, I…” 

Hearing him moan is one of the best things to you. He never talks, he can’t. But he moans and groans, he grunts and sighs; any noise you can get from him makes your body run absolutely wild. 

Slapping his palms onto the bed, he lifts himself from your sex. As soon as he does, his hands find your hips. With a sharp jerk of his head toward the edge of your bed, he flips you over onto your stomach. Moving with his gesture, you crawl forward over your blankets, settling on all fours for him. The mattress dips as he climbs on behind you, slowly shuffling forward until he’s pressed right against you. Gloved fingers return to your hips, instantly sliding down to your ass once again. Noir’s fingertips dig into your skin, a very audible growl emitting from his throat when he does it. With sudden force his palm lands on your right cheek, gripping you harshly immediately afterwards. You cry out from the unexpected impact, the hit surging your body forward until you’re resting on your forearms. His rough sighs become louder the longer this goes on, a grin crawling across your lips with each and every hit. Honestly, it feels like he’s playing with you. He’s done this to you before, but not for this long.

Noir’s broad palms grab both cheeks, bouncing them softly as he finally presses his covered pelvis into you from behind. Then, out of the corner of his eye, he sees something flash. A floor-length mirror standing tall beside your dresser. And if he turns you just right, he bets he’ll be able to see you in it. 

“Noir,” you whine, your face pressing into the sheets. “Please.”

You can feel yourself spasming around nothing, wanting more of him though your pleas continue to be silently denied. Your lungs inhale shakily, your breathy sighs turning into pathetic whines. 

Unexpectedly, Noir grabs your hips, yanking you backwards and maneuvering your body slightly to the side. From this angle he can see himself kneeling behind you, his dark and broad body towering above your waiting, pliant form. 

Carefully, Noir’s right hand slides forward, down your back, up your neck, and into your hair. Tangling into your strands, he pulls backward, yanking your head up. The action isn’t harsh but in the same sense isn’t kind. The force of it makes you gasp, your eyes now landing on the mirror. Immediately, Noir’s reflection is center-stage. You can feel his deep and predatory gaze, his grip on your backside tightening when you lock in with his eyes. 

In an experimental act, he lets go, allowing you to hold your head up on your own. And you do, eyes fixated on him as he moves. Both of Noir’s hands drop to his hips, fumbling with his suit as he works to finally free himself. You can hear his groan when he does it, and it makes you moan. Almost limply, his head falls to his shoulder, sighing out a deep and contented breath; he’s stroking himself. But then, a grunt, a displeasured one. 

“Hm?” you hum, turning to the side. 

He leans over you, bracing himself on his left hand while holding out his other. 

“I, what…” you’re not sure what he wants. 

Noir presses his body to yours, his armored chest laying over your bare back. The hand he’s holding out in front of you inches closer, two of his fingers separating from the others. Your lips are already parted, and alongside your own gaze, he watches you through the mirrors as you take in his fingers. Still gloved of course, you wrap your lips around them, just barely able to taste your own cum from when he’d finger fucked you in your living room. It’s a quick motion though, simply in and out. And then again, he holds his palm out. 

“You want… spit?” comes your breathy question, and in the reflection, he nods.

Gently, you purse your lips, trying to hold back your grin. He’s never asked you to do this before. And when you complete his request, dripping your spit into the palm of his hand, he groans, running the point of his nose along the slope of your shoulder and neck.

Almost impatiently, he leans back up, slapping his hand onto his cock and pumping himself furiously. With your spit in his palm, it’s much easier than before, his heart rate increasing with every tug he gives. 

“Baby, please,” you groan, only whining slightly. “Please put it in.”

You can see the hasty motions of his arm in the mirror - you can’t stop looking into it. He looks so broad behind you, so menacing as he kneels above you. His breaths are audible when he finally lines himself up, your jaw falling slack at the mere sensation of his tip meeting your outer lips. He rubs you, his free hand landing on your left cheek and caressing you softly. His head has fallen down now, watching himself intently and unaware of your own unwavering gaze. 

“Yes…” 

With a small push, he’s inside you, slowly moving forward while he sighs. You want to drop your head down, but you don’t; you don’t want to miss a single second of this. The sight of him when he’s fully inside makes you moan; when his pelvis meets your backside, Noir’s head drops back. A wild groan hits the air, one you certainly didn’t expect. He’s been away from you for too long.

“N-Noir!” you stutter, feeling the hand he used to guide himself in land on your upper ass. 

You see it in the mirror, the act of him spanking you. It’s errotic and new, all of it, every piece of it. His entirely armored body compared to your naked form, the movements each of you make in response to the other, Noir’s simple gestures and motions, it’s all on display for you; for both of you. You can hear everything, too, you love when you can hear it. The squelch of your meeting sex, how it grows with every thrust he gives. It floats through the air of your small space, your room barely lit with just enough light to see him. 

His movements are rough and unfaltering, and every time he slides back inside your body practically vibrates with bliss. You’ve never met a man that can rock you to your core so thoroughly before him. It’s everything you can do to not cry out from it, from him, his thrusts so heated and heavy that they shove you forward inch by inch. Your fingers grip the sheets, mouth hanging open while he rails you into your bed. He’s throbbing inside you, his chest heaving behind you while his hands return to the glorious expanse of your ass. 

Looking down, he can already see he’s marked you. He must’ve hit you hard for you to bruise in such a short amount of time; he wonders if he hurt you. He wonders if you liked it. 

Behind his mask, Noir growls, a gutteral noise rumbling through his chest as he feels your warm skin clamp down around him. He’s seen other women while you’ve been apart, not sexually or romantically, but day to day due to his career. Some were really pretty, some really weren’t, but none of them seemed to spark the instant attraction he had when he first saw you. And he’s had it every time he’s seen you since. 

“Fuck, yes!” you cry out, mustering up the strength to begin bouncing back against him. 

He always has to remind himself to be gentle with you. This isn’t necessarily gentle, not to the average person. But for Noir, he’s holding himself back. Because of his powers, he could truly do so much more. 

“Noir, baby, please.” 

You aren’t sure what you’re pleading for and honestly neither is he, he’s just happy to hear you scream for him again. You’re gasping and panting, your moans forceful and high. Every time he plunges inside he pierces something that makes you see white. Your body fizzles inside, limbs entirely weak when he fucks you like this. 

Through the reflection, Noir can see your beautiful face. The expressions you make force his passion to new heights, provoking his motions to become faster and deeper. You’re so stunning like this, your hair a mess from his hand, your face tired and cute. It’s just so sexy to him, the image of you. 

You don’t know it, but you’re staring directly back at him, too. Each shove of his hips makes your body bounce and sway, his strength and force so visible when you see him like this. It only heightens the euphoria currently bursting inside of you, seeing him move like this while inside of you. And the drag of his cock against your walls is debilitating, the stretch of him a painful bliss you’ve dearly missed. 

This is so new for the both of you and it forces your bodies’ pleasure to new heights. All too quickly, Noir feels himself cum inside, his release unexpected and sudden. With a sharp, almost painful groan, his swollen cock leaks into you, his release finding home inside your warm and welcoming walls. He rocks your body back and forth as he comes down, rolling his hips into you and smiling when you move with him. It’s slow and almost intimate, your collective motions. He leans over you, resting his chest on your back once again. You can feel his breaths on your shoulder, the sensation sending a shiver across your skin. 

This was too quick for him; he doesn’t want to leave you again. 

When Noir pulls out of you, he sighs, worry running through his head. Could he really change your closeness tonight? Was he capable of that? Would you want that?

His hands roam your hips and thighs lovingly, your backside, too. He caresses the marks he’d made on you, feeling a small twinge of guilt though it’s nothing compared to the pride he has blooming inside. He waits for you to begin to move before he steps off the bed, watching as you roll onto your back. Lazily, you smile, brushing some hair away from your forehead. 

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom, okay?” you coo to him quietly, sitting up while staring at him. 

Noir’s body is still calming down, his breaths steadying now only after he’s been apart from you for a few minutes. He doesn’t do anything, doesn’t nod or move, he just stares right back at you. But you still smile, the air between the two of you soft and kind. 

While you’re gone he takes care of himself, too. Wandering into your guest bath, he cleans himself before tucking his softened erection away, releasing a breath as he ponders what to do. He doesn’t want to fucking leave you. 

When you return from the bathroom, you find an empty room. It makes you sad, you thought maybe he’d stay for a minute this time. You expected him to at least be there when you got out of the bathroom. Maybe he left in a hurry this time, maybe he’s busy, or maybe he just doesn’t want to be here with you. 

Pushing away the tear-provoking thought, you take a breath and fold open your covers. But before crawling into bed, a dark figure catches your eye.

“Oh,” you jump back, putting a hand on your chest. “Baby..."

Noir is in your bedroom doorway, and when you say this, he leans against the frame. While doing so, you swear you saw his shoulders jolt a little. Did you make him laugh? 

“You’re, you’re still here.” 

Sitting down on your bed, you offer him another smile. He likes how easy it is for you to be understanding and kind, to give someone the benefit of the doubt. 

“Do you…” glancing to your right, your eyes scan the empty space beside you on your bed. “Do you want to stay? For the night?” 

As soon as you say it, you almost feel childish, insecure. You're expecting him to say no. But to your surprise, Noir leans off the wall, standing to his full height. He nods while walking toward you with slow, almost timid steps. He's feeling a little nervous, too.

“Really?” a grin blooms on your face. He nods again. 

Honestly, you’re not sure what this constitutes. Does he sleep with his armor on? Knives and all? Can he even separate the pieces of his suit? Will he allow you the opportunity to see him like this? 

Patience, you've found, is key with him. After a few moments of silence, Noir begins to undress. You find out that there are separate pieces to his suit, and he takes them off one by one, along with his daggers and throwing knives. Walking over to your desk, he places everything on the surface, leaving himself in his black undersuit. When he’s finally free of his protective pieces, it dawns on you how much he must trust you. 

“Here,” you say, patting the space beside you. Softly jerking your head, you repeat, “C’mere.” 

He follows your gesture, a softer side to him now showing. He seems unsure and if he’s being honest he one-hundred percent is. It’s not often that he’s found himself doing something like this. But your bed seems cozy and you seem nice; you’re someone he wants to be with.

Folding open the blankets, you invite him in, watching as your dark warrior climbs into your bed. The mattress dips beside you as his body starts to rest, shimmying down slightly until his head is laying on your spare pillow. 

“I’m gonna… turn this way,” you tell him with a sleepy smile. “Okay?” 

He doesn’t do anything, doesn’t nod, so you turn anyway. You cuddle into your pillows and blankets, sighing and closing your eyes. It might be a little awkward, but you’ll take this, you’re happy with this. You’re so happy he decided to stay. Then, unexpectedly, you feel him move, now inching closer to you. There was a small space between your bodies but it’s not long before he’s pressed up against you, inhaling a calming breath as he situates himself behind you. You smile to yourself, feeling him move and wondering what he’ll do next. You stay still, letting him decide. To your delight he lifts his hand, hesitant to do so but eventually laying his palm on your side. 

Even more than before, your cheeks rise into a grin, your heart squeezing inside. Is he really being sweet with you? 

“You want to hold me?” you ask quietly, still facing away. 

In his own way of responding, Noir’s arm loops around your midsection and pulls you in. Yes, he thinks to himself. It’s quick and sudden but you laugh as he does it, immediately snuggling into him. That makes his heart pound, your giddy laugh and loving motion. Your little body wiggles against his much sturdier frame, feeling the muscles beneath the thin fabric keeping you from feeling his skin. Huh, you’ve never felt his body like this before. Focusing on his touch, you’re able to feel the bulge of his bicep, the muscles in his forearm. His pectorals press against your back, the muscles in his stomach also prominent to you. He’s so strong, you think, becoming lost in your thoughts. I wish he’d always hold me.

Noir adjusts slightly, getting comfortable behind you. Tenderly, he tucks his head into the crook of your neck, his calming breaths fanning out over your shoulder and chest. It’s relaxing like this, feeling his weight pressing into you, his powerful body holding you, cuddling you. It makes you tingle with joy inside, knowing he feels the same way you do. It’s new but he likes this, really likes this. He likes the feeling of having you in his arms, your small and slightly shallow breaths, your smell right beneath his nose as he nuzzles into your neck. It’s soft, intimate, the things he’s now doing with you. And he wants to do more of this with you; if you let him, he’d do this every time he comes to see you.

[weixuldo]

Enigma// Ch 1

Modern!Anakin x Reader

(A/N: this is the prompt abt 30s anakin and college student reader lol. it’s set in modern time and anakin is kind of antisocial…(more on that later) yes sounds like unconditionally but going a v diff route)

Stressed and upset, you go to a local dive bar to try to take your mind off of things…

warnings: alcohol, depression?, antisocial behavior

__________________________________________

“Thank you, have a nice weekend” is what your professor said at 2:30 Friday afternoon. You were finally free for the weekend, and boy did you need it. This week had been particularly rough for no apparent reason. You walked out of the lecture hall and down to the dining hall. 

It wasn’t terribly busy at the moment so you grabbed some food and went to look for a table. Once you set your food down you went to get a drink, sadly there was only one spout on the drink machine that produced regular water, and it was rather slow today.

You awkwardly stood there as the glass slowly filled. One of the popular student athletes was standing behind you. You didn’t know her name, but she had a beautiful complexion, not a pimple in sight. Her hair was done in braids with blue and white coloring. 

You felt bad about “hogging” the water so you just gave up at half a glass and excused yourself so she could fill her water bottle. You finished your late lunch in silence as you planned your night.

You got back to the dorm and your roommate was in there with her boyfriend…great. You told her you were going to the bar tonight and not to expect you back. Basically giving her the green light to have the boyfriend stay over. She thanked you, with a little too much enthusiasm and you left the  two of them to get ready elsewhere. 

You did your make up and put on a black dress that wasn't the most modest thing you had. I mean, you were looking to forget about the week after all. You grabbed the rest of your things and called an uber. You were definitely not planning to go back to campus tonight. 

You reached the shitty dive bar that all the college kids and ‘trendy” locals went to. Once you stepped out of the car, your heels sunk into gravel. You thanked your driver and continued into the smoke infested bar. 

The college kids with fakes tended to congregate around the front of the building, away from the actual bar, maybe out of fear of being caught. But you were of age so you sat yourself down on a barstool and leaned on the counter.

“Would you like the regular Darlin'” the bartender, who now considered you a regular, asked.

You nodded and the man began to prepare you a Moscow mule. He slid hte copper mug towards you and you thanked him. You sipped on the refreshing drink as you scanned the bar. 

Too old, too young, too loud, asshole, asshole, creep, too old

You almost gave up until you saw a handsome man leaning against the bar. He was wearing black pants, a dark long sleeve, and … gloves? He was basically dressed for winter…it was the middle of August.

You studied him a bit more before choosing to interact. He had a head of nice sandy brown hair and striking blue eyes. He had a sharp jawline and a beautiful side profile. You finished your drink for courage and then went on your way. 

“Nice outfit” you said, a flirty tone to your voice.

He turned to you slowly, “mhm” before sipping more of his drink. 

Sheesh. Tough crowd. 

“You don't look particularly happy to be here” you observed with a small smile.

He looked at you once more before placing his glass on the bar. 

“Correct, I’m not”.

“Why not?” you asked.

He nodded his head towards a bearded guy and a girl with braids. “We’re celebrating.”

“You don’t seem very celebratory”

“I don’t like bars” 

You hummed in response, “I don’t really like bars either”.

“Then why are you here?” he asked, kind of accusatory. 

“Because I’m fucking miserable” you giggled, which triggered a hiccup. 

He glanced at you and a small smirk tugged at his lips, “Me too”.

You smiled at him and ordered another round of drinks. Once you had enough alcohol in your system to be officially counted as inebriated, you became bolder. 

“What’s with the gloves?”

“It’s cold,” he responded shortly.

“It’s August”

To that he looked down at his glass. You moved to place your hand on one of his, but he snatched it away before you could. Before you could say anything the guy and girl he pointed at came up. 

Once they were in the light you recognized the girl from your school. She was the athlete who was behind you at lunch in the dining hall.

“Hey, Don't you go to my school?” she asked. You were surprised she remembered you.

“Yeah, I’m F/N L/N, I’m a junior” you extended your hand.

She shook it and smiled, “I’m Ashoka Tano, I’m a senior”.

You smiled, “I’ve seen you compete, you’re really talented”.

She let out a hearty laugh, “Well thank you… F/N!”

“Were you talking to this guy?” She asked, pointing to the guy you were indeed just talking to. 

“She was,” he answered before you.

“Wanna join us?” Ashoka asked, “we’re celebrating this job I got!”

“Of course! As long as you're fine with it” you smiled

“Definitely!”

You learned Ahsoka secured a job for the military, something to do with athletic training in the army. You later learned the oldest man in the group’s name was Obi-wan, but he went by Ben. The three of you enjoyed drinks for the greater portion of the night before you were all pretty drunk. 

“-Back”

Huh?

“I said how are you going to get back?” Anakin repeated.

He must have meant home. “Ummm, I don’t know- I didn't really expect to go home t-tonight” you slurred, trying to steady yourself.

He sighed, standing form his seated position . Obviously he was not as hammered as you. 

“I can drive or something” you offered.

“You’re way too wasted to get behind the wheel, plus you said you didn’t even drive here”.

Oh yeah.

“I’ll Uber” you offered.

“Nahhh, don't do that! The Uber’s here aren *hic* Aren’t safe” Ahsoka said, herself wasted as well. 

“Wait! Come with us!” she offered. “We’re crashing at Anakin’s!”.

He scowled at the woman behind him, he didn’t appreciate his house being offered up.

“No-It’s ok, he seems…mad” you said, his scowl looking menacing in your inebriated state.

“BOO! Party Pooper!” Ahsoka shouted, to which Ben shushed her. She rolled her eyes and continued to whisper “Boo”.

Anakin sighed and looked at you. You really weren’t in any shape to go back alone, and this wasn’t exactly the nicest part of town. He begrudgingly agreed and Ahsoka cheered. 

_____________________________________

Anakin’s apartment was rather small, it wasn’t a tidy place, but it wasn't necessarily dirty either. It was a one bedroom apartment with a kitchen, bathroom, and living area. Ben pulled out the sofa bed and Ahsoka flopped onto it. Anakin retired to his room and Ben took a cot from the closet to sleep on. You didn’t really know what to do, so  you just laid beside Ahsoka on the pullout

You examined his cluttered living room as you drifted to sleep. He had a lot of military gear and other random items scattered around. Was he a soldier? A headache rolled through your skull and you decided it was time to go to bed, you could wonder about the man tomorrow.

Morning came  quicker than you would have liked it to. But nonetheless it did. You woke up not as bad as you were expecting. You had a mild headache but you weren't gripped by nausea, not bad for the drinking you did last night. You propped yourself up in the bed and saw Ahsoka pulling the blankets up from the end of the bed. To your left ben was still fast asleep ont he cot. You smelled coffee and got up to see what was up.

You turned the corner into the kitchen and saw a disheveled Anakin shakily pouring himself a cup of straight black coffee. He was still wearing gloves but he now had on a sweatshirt and sweatpants. His hands were shaking and you were worried he’d spill the coffee so you went up to him to do it for him. 

His eyes widened when you took the mug and pot. You poured him a glass quickly and set the pot back under the maker. You placed the mug on the counter for him.

“I had that” he huffed. 

Okayyy no thank you huh?

He reached for the mug only for him to fumble with the handle. Eventually he got a grip on it and took a sip. What was going on?

“Hey, are you ok-”

“I’m fine.” he started putting the mug back onto the counter. But he set it down at an awkward angle and the mug fell over, spilling some in the sink and the rest on the counter. 

“Fuck!” he exclaimed.

You heard Ben yawn and turn the corner, “Oh, Anakin let me help you with that” he said, approaching the spill.

Anakin scoffed and walked past you to get some paper towels. Well it was more like a limp than a walk. 

He handed Ben some towels and they began to clean the spill. You went to reach for one to offer your help, but Anakin just glared at you.

Once you turned the corner into the living room you heard Ben say to him,  

“You really should learn to be nicer to people who are just trying to help”.

followed by a crisp

“fuck off”

***

(a/n another ani one, unlike unconditionally, is this one doesn’t have kids and his injuries aren’t from a car crash. I kinda just wanted to do an aloof bitchy ani with a naive/ oblivious reader)

taglist: @dnamht @sxoulohvn @angeelcoree @wtf-andys @httpeachesblog @katsukiswrld @jetiikote

[dibbiedabbiedoobie]

Day 3: Hunt

This is probably the only voretober piece we’ll get done during October. Life has been really hectic lately, and we haven’t had the time for a lot of personal projects anymore. I do hope you like this one, though; James & Ashley are characters of mine from an unrelated book I’m working on. (I did kind of lose it when I realized I was writing vore fanfiction of my own book, in an amused way.)

Word Count: 3592

Tags: Safe vore, non-fatal vore, fearplay, same-size vore

Hunt (v): pursue and kill (a wild animal) for sport or food.

James was hungry. This was not a new phenomenon by any means; he was always a little bit hungry, it felt like. But this was a different sort of hunger, one not sated by ordering Domino's or Panda Express for the 4th time in a week. No, this was for something... larger, and meatier. Living.

He wasn't quite sure how he managed to swallow his meals whole, nor why it was only sometimes that he found himself craving them. It had happened to his father, and his grandmother, and they had no answers either. They'd only taught him how to deal with it, where to go hunting, how to avoid being caught, how to soothe scared prey. Quite a few "how"s, but no "why"s. After his teenage years, the curiosity for the latter had waned. He'd grown up and lost the child-like wonder at why he could do what other people couldn't, too busy with the daily toil to care. Between work, debt, and life, he had come to much appreciate the relative simplicity of "how" compared to "why."

Of course, it was a relative simplicity. This James was very aware of as he stalked the darkened streets. He was tall-ish, about  5'10, and of average build; not the most threatening, but still a big enough man to be avoided this late. His dark, oversized hoodie probably wasn't helping either, but he didn't mind that. He just kept his head down, heightened senses on the lookout for prey. In this part of town, with the seedy bars and even seedier strip clubs, it shouldn't be hard to find someone wandering alone.

It was in the alley next to a busy bar that he saw her, a young woman alone, leaning against a wall and vomiting. Her hair was swept back in beautiful auburn curls, complimenting her tight blue mini dress, white stilettos, and pale clutch. If he'd met her inside, and if he weren't so hungry, he might have tried to take her home. It made his skin crawl, taking advantage of her vulnerability like this, and he could really only hope she wouldn't fight him too much.

He crept up on her slowly, mindful to stay in her blind spot as she wiped her mouth and rubbed her face. From what little he could see, her make up was smudged, mascara bleeding in a way that looked like she'd been crying. Biting back an apology, James grabbed her, pulling her flush against his chest and clamping a hand over her mouth.

"I promise I'm not going to hurt you," he whispered, a little bit frantic. "I'm going to scare you, but I promise I mean it."

Then, before she could react, he shoved her head into his mouth. She fought him surprisingly hard for all the shock he'd assumed she was in, but the angle was too awkward for her to gain much leverage. He worked steadily but quickly down her body, pulling in her shoulders, then chest. Her hands opened to claw at nothing, and her clutch clattered against the concrete.  

Around her hips, James reared back, bringing her flailing legs into the air to allow gravity to plunge her downwards - one particularly strong kick sent one of her shoes flying behind him, bouncing and landing on the ground with a dull thunk. Her clothes were rough against his tongue and throat, but her skin was sweet and smooth; he wished he could have spent more time savoring it.

Instead, her legs quickly disappeared past his lips, and he plucked her shoe from her foot preemptively; he wasn't particularly keen to see what she could do to his insides with stilettos of all things. Then, with a final swallow, he brought the last of her down into his gullet. His fingers found his way to his throat and brushed against the bulge as it worked down, disappearing beneath his collarbone.

Then, James allowed himself to pause, huffing out the breath he'd been holding. He braced himself against the wall with a hand as his stomach swelled out with the last of the woman. The hoodie, to him, did very little to disguise the writhing, person-sized bulge beneath his skin. He drowned in the fabric, contrasting oddly with the way it stretched more tightly over his middle. But it only had to pass as vaguely normal to strangers, and it had served him well in the past, even with meals writhing harder than the woman already was.

Tenderly, he ran a hand over his oversized stomach; he didn't like the way she fought him, but he was so full. He often found he would forget how this completed him, with how infrequently he found himself partaking in live meals, which meant each time felt like rediscovering new heights of pleasure. Something primal in him was sated, and now he simply wanted to sleep.

Unfortunately, to do that he would have to get home. He still didn't like the feeling of his prey still struggling, but he liked the idea of being caught in an alley talking to his stomach even more. He had no idea if she had friends expecting her, so he gathered her things and set a casually hurried pace to his car. It wasn't far - he didn't like to go more than a couple blocks from it, not when he's be hauling a hundred, maybe a hundred-fifty pounds back with him. Tonight, he was lucky enough that his return was uneventful, and he slid back into his Honda Accord.

Here, behind tinted windows and a locked door, he truly relaxed. He'd adjusted his seat before he left to accommodate his gut, so he only had to sit down and settle in. Sighing, he ran a hand over his stomach again; his prey had stopped squirming at some point on the walk to his car, and now she simply sat, curled up and breathing. He could feel how tense she was, bracing herself as best she could in the soft, shifting environment of his belly. By now, he imagined she'd realized she was safe now, after being stuck inside of him without thinning air or tingling skin, not that it would make her feel much better about being eaten in the first place.

Gently, he prodded at her back. "Hey, are you okay in there?"

Unlike most of his catches, Ashley didn't start squirming again now that he was giving her attention. He'd expected it; they often would start fighting him and demanding freedom once they realized he'd actually talk to them. Not her, though. Instead, softly, she replied, "Yeah. Cramped, but okay."

"I can't really fix that part, sorry."

She snorted. "I'd suggest letting me out, but I imagine if that was going to be an option, you wouldn't have eaten me in the first place."

James cringed, though she couldn't see it. "Ah... yeah, no. But I'm really not going to hurt you. I'll let you out in the morning, okay?"

He tensed then, expecting the flurry of movement that usually came with people realizing they'd have to spend the night tucked inside a stomach. But again, she didn't do anything more than shift a bit. "Could I at least get your name?"

"Ah, James. My name's James. What's yours?"

"Ashley."

"It's good to meet you, Ashley." Absently, James began to stroke her back. "...You're taking this really well."

Ashley sighed, squirming a bit. "I'm too tired to freak out right now. Maybe in the morning, I'll lose it, but right now I can't bring myself to care all that much if I'm not going to die."

She sounded sad, weary almost. James found he didn't like that tone of voice from her, and he frowned. There was obviously a longer history to her, but he was far from entitled to hear it if she wasn't going to share - he didn't even know her last name.

"Well... I got your things, by the way. So you don't have to worry about that. And I should have some things that fit you back at home." James bit his lip, thought about her bleeding mascara and her sad eyes, then added, "I know this is probably not the time, but I've been told I'm a good listener."

Softly, Ashley chuckled, her voice a bit less weary than before, and a bit less sad. "Maybe tomorrow. I think pouring my heart out to you would be a little easier once I know what you look like."

Right. She hadn't actually seen his face. Usually, that was for the better; he found it easier to deal with the moral and instinctual quandaries with the knowledge that he was just some faceless, oddly benevolent predator. They'd see him afterwards when he let them out, of course, but it's not like they stuck around very long given the chance. Now, though, he was feeling rather regretful for it. There was an odd loss of intimacy that he hadn't even realized he was missing, and he ached for it.

"Tomorrow then." James sat up a bit more, then settled himself in to drive. It was definitely awkward and uncomfortable, but he had plenty of experiencing maneuvering with and around an engorged stomach. It was an uneventful commute, thankfully. He's had to explain himself to a cop once, earlier in his career as a hunter, with a belly full of prey that had been particularly feisty and had only just settled. In his panic to get home, he'd been speeding and had been caught for it. Luckily, he'd gotten off with a warning, but now he followed every single traffic law perfectly after a hunt.

By the time he was home, Ashley had gone more or less limp. He wasn't sure if she was still awake or not, but feeling her relaxed made him feel relaxed. Now, he really just wanted to sleep, even more because his prey seemed to be dozing inside of him. It was his favorite part of the night, the time when the person in his stomach finally settled down and passed out. Even if they had flung vitriol and fought him to exhaustion, they always would seem so delicate and vulnerable like that. It was a softness that he doubted many people would be privy to, and for all that had come before, James still found himself respecting that privilege.

He truly didn't want to hurt anyone. It made him feel terrible, having people struggle until they couldn't anymore. It clawed at him, even long after his prey of the night was gone. He knew they wouldn't be reporting him to the police - "someone ate me, but didn't kill me, then let me go after giving me breakfast and clean clothes" wouldn't exactly fly on a police report. But he did know them as people who probably would never want to see him again, and would avoid him given the chance, and that felt horrible.

If he had a choice, he really would try to find someone he knew to eat on these odd occasions, so they wouldn't be so frightened of him. It was what he'd done for years until he'd been forced to move. With no friends in the area and an unwillingness to risk his job by eating a coworker, he found himself stalking around areas with people he'd probably never see again anyways. He did his best to remind himself that he didn't ask to be born like this, but it was hardly helpful when people wouldn't look him in the eyes in the morning. He hoped Ashley wouldn't be like that.

James hung his keys, then locked his door behind him. The wall clock told him it was around three in the morning; not bad time for heading out around twelve. Then, he pulled off his sweatshirt. Beneath, he could make out Ashley's form more clearly, the way she was curled up within him. He traced the contour of one of her arms, hidden beneath a layer of tanned skin. His shirt rode up, not nearly big enough to reach over his gut, and he pulled that off, too.

With a bit more force, he pet Ashley's head. "You alright in there?"

In reply, Ashley wriggled weakly, muttering something soft enough that James couldn't hear. When she didn't move again with more gentle prodding, he let her be; it'd be rude to wake her up now. Instead, after setting Ashley's purse on his entryway table and her shoes beneath it, he waddled off to his bedroom. Then, he wormed himself out of his jeans into a pair of sweats before burrowing under the covers on his bed.

Despite tonight being comparatively calm, James still found himself drowsy. A full stomach always made him sleepy, even when it wasn't full of a person. When it was, though, it was a foolproof way to knock him out. With Ashley relaxed, too, he had no particular interest in trying to keep his eyes open. He really could only hope she'd be as calm in the morning as she was now.

He slept deeply that night, and dreamlessly. He woke in the morning, to the sound of birdsong and to light streaming in through his window. Yawning, he stretched, pulling loose all the muscles that had stiffened over night. Then, he groped for his phone, which told him it was around ten-thirty in the morning.

He pushed himself upright, scrubbed his eyes of gunk, then turned his eyes downward. "Good morning, if you're awake." He prodded at at Ashley's side.

She wriggled strongly, though not with panic. "Good morning." Her voice was brighter today, and he wondered if she'd been awake all that long before him.

"Freaking out yet?" He rolled out of bed, stretching again to a few satisfying cracks from his spine, then lumbered off to his bathroom.

"Not too much, no." She pressed out with a hand now, in a gentle sort of way he'd not felt before. "Could do with a stretch, though."

"I had the same idea, actually." With a grunt, James sat on the side of his tub. "Please don't fight me here; it's not going to be comfortable, but it'll be over as fast as I can manage."

Then, he clenched his stomach muscles, pushing and squeezing Ashley up and out. Obediently, she didn't struggle, but that didn't make the process particularly pleasant, only easier. He'd felt like he had turned himself inside out by the time he was done, hunched over and panting.

"You know, I'm not quite sure what I expected you to look like. I guess I had someone bigger and buffer in my head."

James glanced upwards. Ashley was analyzing him, clearly taking in his appearance. Between the bedhead and the shirtless, sort of disheveled look, he almost wished he'd had the time to make himself a bit more presentable. Granted, she was currently soaked in his spit, hair and clothes all in disarray, so maybe it was fitting.

Her brain seemed to catch up with what she said, and she hurriedly added, "Not that you look bad. It's just that you were so strong, I'd thought you'd be... bigger."

For a moment, he stared, then chuckled. "That's... probably one of the better reactions I've gotten. Not that I really blame the other people, either."

"I'm the odd one out when it comes to a lot of things," Ashley laughs, and James thought he really liked the sound of it.

He stood up, stretching again. "There are clean towels in the drawer opposite the toilet, and you're free to use anything you find. I'll leave the clothes outside the door, okay?"

Ashley stared at him, tilting her head. "You're awfully nice for a guy who eats people."

"It's the least I can do, I think." James said, and then he left, closing the door behind him.

Back in his bedroom, he dug through his closet and found the simple shirt and set of basketball shorts he'd started keeping around. He set it outside, neatly folded, then made his way to the guest bathroom with his own change of clothes. He showered and dressed quickly, then made his way to the kitchen to start breakfast.

Unsure of her diet, he put on eggs and toast, then diced up a few fruits. The sound of the shower had long stopped, and by the time he was setting the table, shuffling footsteps had started towards him.

Ashley emerged from the doorway significantly more put together than before. Her hair, now clean and dry, sat in a messy bun, and the clothes were only a little bit baggy on her. She seemed surprisingly at home for being in a stranger's house. "Breakfast, too?"

"Eggs, toast, and fruit. I wasn't sure if you ate meat or not. And like I said, it's the least I can do."

"I do eat meat, for what it's worth, but it's probably healthier for me to skip the bacon today," she snorted, then made her way to the table.

"Are you a coffee person or a tea person?" James asked as he grabbed orange juice from the fridge. He was both, personally, but didn't particularly care for either today.

"Usually coffee, but I don't mind some juice today." She glanced around at the sparse decor and furnishings, then said, "Do you live with anyone else?"

"Just me." James set down two full glasses, then the juice carton on the table.

Ashley hummed, then took a sip of her juice. "I guess it would be hard to explain the whole 'I eat people' thing to a roommate."

James snorted, sitting down opposite her at the table. "You'd be surprised. Well, surprised at my last roommate, anyways."

"Another oddball like me?" She raised a brow.

"Most would call him crazy, I think." James sighed. "I'm.. obviously not human. I'm not really sure what I am, honestly. I just know that sometimes I get really hungry. For people."

"For people."

Her tone was amused and not unkind, and he laughed. "It sounds worse when you say it out loud."

"As opposed to when you just eat the person whole?"

That got a belly laugh out of him, and he smiled softly. "I guess it's a lose-lose situation. I told my last roommate - Aaron - and he didn't really believe me until I proved it."

"And I take it that he didn't run?"

"Not even a little. He freaked out a bit, but... well, we'd known each other for years by that point. I guess that helped. If he'd done the same to me, I'd like to think I would give him the benefit of the doubt, too."

Ashley smiled around a piece of honeydew. "He sounds like a good guy."

"He was, yeah."

If she caught his phrasing, Ashley didn't show it. "Thanks for this, by the way," she poked at her half eaten eggs. "I... had a rough night last night. It feels nice to be cared for."

James didn't reply, only giving her his full attention.

"My partner and I split recently. It was... bad. Probably part of why you found me throwing up in an alley alone." She nibbled a bit more at her food. "I really just wanted to get wasted and into a stranger's bed, but I guess I had too much too fast. This was probably closer to what I really needed than a one night stand, though, as strange as it was."

James had never been all that good at verbal comfort, so he reached across the table and offered a hand. She took it, smaller fingers wrapping around his, and they sat like that for a moment before she pulled back.

The rest of breakfast went by over safer conversation topics, like work and hobbies. All the same, James enjoyed her company, and it took Ashley pushing herself back for him to realize that it was probably time for her to leave.

"Let me call you an Uber." offered James as picked up the dirty dishes and carted them to the sink.

Ashley shook her head." It's fine. I scheduled one for myself and it's just about here."

James blinked, feeling oddly disheartened. "Oh."

"I would have loved to stay, really, but my cat probably misses me by now." Ashley smiled. "He's always been clingy."

James smiled back. "Then at least let me escort you out."

He followed her out into the hall, where she grabbed her purse and slipped back into her heels. Then, she turned back to him and hugged him. He startled, then hesitantly hugged her back. He still wasn't so sure about any of this, but it seemed to be working out okay.

Out of the window, he saw a car pull into his driveway, and Ashley pulled away from him. "That's my ride," she said, pulling open the front door. "Maybe we'll see each other again sometime."

James waved as she left. "Fingers crossed."

That odd bereft feeling came back as she closed the door behind her, and as he locked it. He would miss her the most, and could really only hope they really did see each other again.

He turned to make his way back to the kitchen, and caught sight of a note he didn't remember leaving on the entryway table.

Written neatly on it was a phone number, and a message: "Call me. Maybe we can get drinks inside the club this time. - Ash."

Maybe he really would be seeing her again.