#things have been slowly building up to being really rough lately so it means a lot to get that kindness idk?

[strawbebyjam]

unexpected kindness after unintended vulnerability. yeah.

[vcnillazelda]

Im imagining a k9 hybrid reader (average anime cat boy basically but dog) being assigned to ghost for training and ghost referring to him as “pup” and aaa

puppy love

simon riley x m!reader

summary: your new trainer gives you some praise

tags: not established relationship but can kind of be read as such, k9! reader, not canon compliant, pet names, collars, praise, nightmares cuddles, fluff, short but sweet

a/n: not the usual request i would do but this was too adorable to pass up

✞———————❖———————✞

your eyes are completely trained on his hand, awaiting the signal. ghost was always keeping you on edge, wanting you to learn the suddenness and abrasive nature of fighting on the field. as soon as his hand twitches your ears twitch too, ready. ‘go’. with that hand symbol, you run a lap. “good boy.” he states when you come back, you smile as his rough hand pats your head. “thank you, sir.”

“ghost. call me ghost.” he insists, walking up the chilly field and back to base. “of course.” you follow immediately. you followed ghost everywhere, having been assigned as his new k-9 unit. he’d never had one before, so this was new for both of you. “do you have any experience in the field?” he asks, and you shake your head. “no, sir- ghost.” you correct yourself, and he hums. “be ready for absolutely anything. people are harsh.” he tells you, and you falter a little; quickly falling back into step behind him. the warmth of the building makes your ears’ fur puff out, it made you a little self conscious as you lift your hands to try and flatten it. “come on.” ghost tells you, and you realise you had fallen behind, jogging to catch up.

you enter the room you share with ghost, stretching a little as he takes off his gear. “are we done with training?” you ask, voice hopeful. “for now. you’ve got a long way to go, but we’ll pick it up again tomorrow. it’s getting late.” ghost responds, and the room falls quiet. you sigh, sitting down on the bed and carefully massaging your burning thighs. running wasn’t your favourite activity by far. you preferred the climbing course you did with ghost last week. “get up.” ghost commands, and you immediately stand. “sorry, sir.” you bow your head, missing how he rolls his eyes. ghost settles into his bed, as he always did half an hour before lights out. he liked winding down before actually sleeping.

you technically didn’t have a bed yet, but simon let’s you curl up at the end of his whilst the higher ups worked on finding a spare bed for you. joining abruptly wasn’t really a good thing, but that doesn’t mean you didn’t like it here. you take your position by the bottom of his bed, back pressed to his legs as you completely still your tail, not wanting to bother ghost. it seemed, in your many hours with the other man, he liked his downtime a lot. he barely got it, and you didn’t want to disturb that. minutes tick by, and you exhale sleepily, falling asleep.

a sharp kick wakes you with a gasp as you fall off the bed. you whine in pain at the sudden thud, which seemed to have woken ghost. you sit up, watching his rapid chest heave with every breath- he’s hyperventilating. a nightmare- you were used to seeing them, you even had a few now and then, yet seeing simon ‘ghost’ riley in such a timid and vulnerable state was heartbreaking. you get up onto the bed once more, curling into his side and resting your head upon his chest. you heard that dogs help people with anxieties, and hoped it would help simon even if you were still a hybrid. slowly, simon calms, hand coming up to rest on your head, fingers combing through the fur of your ears slowly. neither of you say anything for a moment.

“thank you, sergeant.” he mutters, seemingly embarrassed about being seen in such a state. “no problem, ghost.” you reply, voice soft and gentle. you didn’t want it to seem like you were judging him. “simon.” he mutters, and you peer up at him. “it’s simon when we’re in private…” he adds on in a soft whisper. “okay, simon.” you respond, your chest ignited. his hand continues to gently stroke over and behind your ears, it’s comforting and has you almost falling asleep. remembering yourself, you dart away. “i’m sorry, sir… that was inappropriate of me.” you stammer, going to get up. simon’s hand stops you, grabbing your wrist and pulling you back down to his chest. “stop it, pup. it’s fine.” he states, and you sigh. in a way, you’re very relieved that simon wasn’t upset with you.

“are you not hot..? in your mask?” you ask, fingers gently brushing over the skull print balaclava. “it’s fine.” he states, seemingly unaffected. “oh…” you respond, hoping he would catch onto your attempt at unmasking the ghost. he must of heard it all before. catching you by surprise, simon pulls his mask off, and you observe his face in the darkness, soaking in every scar, freckle and inch of skin on his visage. he was gorgeous. it was a massive leap in your relationship, and so, to try and show an equal amount of trust, you take off your collar. simon let’s out a soft laugh, pulling you close to his chest. “thank you, pup.” he mumbles, and your heart swells. “for what?”

“trusting me.” he responds, hand rubbing your back gently. “and for helping me. you’re too sweet…” he trails off, and you feel a little bad. “you shouldn’t be on this task force, nor with me. i’m a dangerous man.” he states, and you sigh. “i want to be here, with you. i was assigned to you and i’ll be by your side until i can’t be anymore.” you reply, arms squeezing him tightly. simon let’s out a soft sigh, gently caressing your face. he doesn’t say anything, in reality he can’t find the words to express how he feels, he just hopes you know it. “you’re sweet.” he mutters after a while, and you smile. “thank you, simon.” you respond, and he sighs. “get some rest, pup. you’ll need all the energy you can get for your exam tomorrow.” he states; and you nod.

“of course… goodnight, simon.” your eyes close, and you feel a very gentle kiss brush over your forehead. “goodnight, pup.” he mutters.

[abiiors]

corruption ❤️‍🔥 // matty healy x reader

a/n: not entirely happy with this idk why. had to edit the original snippet to fit better into the context?? but ugh yeah hope you enjoy. there's a very real possibility that this might be deleted later cw: overstimulation, ass play if you squint really really hard, fingering, slight cumplay, mean matty and degradation, oral, gets a bit sweet in the end because it is me afterall wc: 3.5k

the office is in disarray. people running around, files and folders stacked tall in their hands as a nervous hush settles over the entire building. when your phone dings with his message that night, you know you’re in for it. well, you’ve known that since you watched the live debate really. 

matty is livid. 

it’s not that he lost, it’s that he managed to scrape through barely and he is not a man who does things barely. 

you could see it so clearly even through the large plasma tv screen in the party offices—the way his mouth was pressed in a tight line. and how when he did smile, it never reached his eyes. instead all you could see in them was cold anger. 

tomorrow your boss might get fired for this but tonight it’s you and your sanity that’s on the line.

the message glares at you through your phone screen – 8 pm. 1205. the grand. 

you don’t type a response to it because it doesn’t need one. he’s not asking, he’s ordering. involuntarily, you clench your thighs together in anticipation of what’s to come. tonight is going to be rough, you don’t need to anger him more by being late. so you quickly pack your bag and run out of the offices to hail a cab. 

7:57. that’s when you find yourself outside of his hotel room, your heart thudding in your chest, panties soaked through from all the scenarios you couldn’t stop repeating in your head—his hands gripping the mic, the podium, knuckles so white. maybe you could ask him to grip your throat like that tonight. 

you lift your hand up, shaky and fidgety, about to knock just as someone grabs you by the waist, pushing you against the door. you open your mouth to yelp but matty’s already turning you around, capturing your mouth in a hungry kiss. 

sharp teeth clashing against soft lips—his fingers dig into your waist, wrinkling the cotton shirt tucked into your figure-hugging skirt. it takes him only a second a untuck it. another to push his hands inside and rub his thumb over your peaked nipples. 

his hair is askew—not so neatly combed as it was on tv—as if he’s been running his hand through it in frustration. his suit jacket has already been discarded somewhere, white shirt sleeves rolled up to his forearms, exposing veins and a few scattered tattoos. 

“my obidient little slut,” he grunts against your neck, mouth already sucking on your sweet spot. you squirm against his touch, nervous that someone might walk in on you. and oh, what a scandal that would be…

“relax…” he breathes. behind you the door clicks open. “we have the whole floor to ourselves. need to hear you scream my name tonight.”

you get lost in his words and forget to breathe, to nod. he’s pushing you back against the wall, fumbling against your shirt buttons until he gets so frustrated, he rips it off you. the buttons go flying everywhere, clinking a few times before the room is filled with your gasps once again. 

“be my good little pet tonight, won’t you?” his words are murmured against your clevage. you nod on autopilot. his good little pet. yes. 

“words…” he warns. 

“yes, s–sir,” you gasp out, somehow managing to two little coherent words. and it’s good enough for him. 

matty pulls away, almost making you stumble and lose your balance but the wall holds you up. “on the bed,” he commands. his hands are at his throat, loosening his dark blue tie. the soft silk looks inviting, promising. so you walk up to the bed on shaky legs, watching his every move and how he slowly takes the tie off, taking his time to smoothen every little crease on it. 

“on your stomach, pet,” he commands again, less patient this time. “ass up.”

the two words are enough to make you whimper. you know what’s about to come. the man in front of you has a penchant for ruthlessness. especially when things don’t go his way. and yet the fear in your body feels more like excitement, the ache between your legs superseding every other need, as you lie there for him exactly how he’s asked—face smushed the soft pillows, ass up and your still-clothed pussy in his view, for him to use and abuse as he pleases. 

you know your skirt has ridden up enough that he can see the red thong you’re wearing, perhaps even the damp spot on it. 

“you know why we’re here, sweetheart?” his voice comes from somewhere in the room. perhaps he’s moving, walking around and looking at you from all angles. you wouldn’t know, your eyes are already closed tight, bracing yourself. 

“because the debate—”

“didn’t go so well,” he finishes. suddenly, there’s a hand on your back, undoing the buckles on your bra with deft fingers until it falls off you and onto the bed. cool air brushes against warm skin and goosebumps erupt all over your body. but matty doesn’t stop there.

next him hand moves down to your ass, stroking it. and just when you think he’s about to spank, a tearing sound rips through the room—your tights, now on the floor in tatters. 

“and why didn’t it go well, pet?” he asks, a ghost of a touch against your inner thigh, moving up and up and making it difficult to focus on anything. “cat got your tongue?”

“because—” you whimper, unable to finish because his fingers slide your thong aside at that exact moment, collecting the wetness, brushing against your clit. 

“yes?”

“bec–fuck! um—”

“dumb little slut, aren’t you?” his voice carries a dangerous edge, matty is not to be trifled with tonight and yet you struggle to form a coherent sentence, stuttering the words like a bumbling idiot. “but i didn’t think you were a dumb little slut at work…”

“m’not!” you whine. this little secret aside, both you and he knows that when it comes to work, you’re diligent and focused as a shark, your ruthlessness rivaling that of his. except he’s the shining star. the sun around which everything else revolves.

matty’s hand is back on your thigh, tracing dizzying circles. “i told you i wanted your ideas, didn’t i?”

you swallow. 

that he did. explicitly. not once but twice. 

“and yet you disobeyed me, pet.”

another muffled sound of protest tears out of you but you know there’s no point in arguing with him. telling him that your boss rejected your ideas. you should have been more assertive, more dominating. but you weren’t. and now it’s time to face the music. 

“what should i do first, hmm?” his fingers are back at your entrance, neglecting your clit entirely and spreading your folds for him to see. 

reflexively you try to clench your thighs together, too embarrassed that you’re already so excited, practically dripping onto your thighs but matty is quicker. a sting blooms onto your ass cheek. 

“what did i warn you before, hmm?” you gasp into your pillow, still reeling from the spank, trying to remember his words. “be–be a good pet.”

“and what do good pets do?” you struggle to keep up with his words, too wrapped up with how animalistic his voice sounds, how it reverberates through your entire body. the air whooshes as his hand cuts through it. another spank. another yelp from you. 

“th–they listen.”

“good girl…” his hand caresses the spot again, soothing some of the sting before matty climbs onto the bed. the mattress dips, his fingers are back at your entrance, back to parting your folds and swiping through them lazily as if he has nowhere else to be. as if he has all the time in the world. 

this time you let him, desperately trying to hold yourself up on shaky limbs. 

without warning matty plunges two fingers in. 

“fuck!” it’s more a hiss than an actual word. your entire body zings from the sharpness of it, trying to adjust to the sudden thickness between your legs. matty let’s you breathe through it, gives you a reprieve of just a few seconds, before he’s moving them deeper. 

“colour?” 

“green. green!” 

he chuckles condescendingly, moving his hand and pumping his fingers faster. “so eager for me, such a slut.”

the ring on his middle finger touches your clit over and over again, the cold gem brushing against your heated core, making you hiss and cry. the orgasmic feeling builds deep inside you, slowly spreading through your entire body, taking you higher and higher with each pump for his fingers, each brush against your clit. 

“please mat–sir! please,” you cry out, sobbing almost a damp spot grown on the pillow. you want to cum, want to feel that euphoric high. 

“please what, pet?” he tsks.

“let me cum, please…” 

you expect him to deny it, expect him to turn this into a power play and watch you squirm under him and beg for a release. to your surprise, matty presses a thumb against your clit, uttering just one word—cum. it’s the shock that pushed you over the edge, legs spasming as you gush onto his hand, relishing the way he keeps fucking you through the orgasm, through your chants of oh my god…

and his fingers don’t stop moving. 

instead matty settles behind you, your ass raised up right in his face and presses his tongue against your core, sticking it inide and lapping up your release that has you squirming in place and crying out as the heat bubbles up inside you again. 

the tip of his nose presses between your asscheeks, making you yelp. it’s a new sensation… not one you’ve experienced before. matty only laughs at your reaction. 

“did i startle you, sweetheart?” he speaks right near your entrance, the vibrations from his words building up the familiar feeling once again.

“matty…” you whimper, not even caring that he wouldn’t like that. and his displeasure becomes evident a moment later when you feel a nip at the soft skin of you ass, teeth sinking into your flesh. 

“what are you good for, huh?” he growls, “need me to fuck you into being a good girl?”

“yes…fuck—” whatever you were about to say is cut of by his tongue sliding inside you again, thumb flicking roughly against your clit. with his other arm, matty holds you up, stops you from sinking onto the mattress entirely. 

his tongue and his thumb create a dizzying rhythm, altering pressure against your insides and on your clit until you’re cumming all over his tongue, practically on his face with his lips still attached to your entrace. matty takes it all, lapping up every last drop and holding you by your waist to keep you upright until you’re panting and sobbing, unable to handle the euphoria. 

you get a few moments to breathe in between, just a few seconds to pull yourself back together before his fingers are plunged inside you. the rhythm repeats, cold metal, wam skin, rough thumb, your body that jolts from his electric touches, matty who coaxes another orgasm out of you in minutes. this time his fingers form a v inside you, stretching you out more. 

it hurts at first as your body desperately tries to adjust to it. the sound of his fingers pumping in and out of your wet cunt is too much, the filthy, obscene squelching sounds, that he seems to get off on. 

you bite onto the pillow so hard that it rips. seconds later, matty’s laughter rings out in the room as he realises what you’ve done. 

“look at you, sweetheart,” he taunts, “so feral.” his fingers part inside you again until you are capable of nothing else but screaming his name over and over again, begging for just one more orgasm. another one and the you’ll be satisfied. just one. 

“please, sir,” matty mocks in a high pitched voice, an exaggerated pout on his face. it borders on cruelty. it’s a shame your body confuses humiliation for more pleasure. “made you cum multiple times, wasn’t it enough? greedy cockslut,” he spits. 

you know you’re close to cumming again, waiting for his permission. your body strains from the effort feeling too full. until his fingers slide in deeper and something clicks. 

“go on then,” he grunts again but you already are… 

wet hot liquid gushes all over his hand, practically drenching his face that’s so close to your cunt right as you cum—no, right as you squirt all over him. 

his arm’s not enough to hold you up this time. not that he tries to as you finally fall onto the mattress, trembling and breathing hard. a sharp intake of breath behind you tells you how astonished matty is. 

he recovers quickly, though, flipping you onto your back and then matty’s pulling you up and into his arms…

this is a first. not just the squirting but being held in his arms while you tremble from the aftershocks of the intense orgasm. 

“that was…” he is speechless, you realise. in all your time knowing him, he’s never been speechless. certainly never while stroking your hair after an orgam. 

“such a good little pet,” he mumbles into your hair. “what’s your colour, sweetheart?”

through the haze you try to make sense of what he’s saying. somewhere behind a fog, your mind knows the concept of colours, you know it and yet it takes you a full thirty seconds before you can answer him in a hoarse voice that you barely recognise as your own. 

“green.”

shakily, you try to fumble with his shirt buttons, wanting nothing more than to feel his skin on yours. you need to feel closer to him, to look at him while he’s buried deep inside you. even as you feel like you might float away if he lets go of you, you need him. more that before. 

“hey, hey, hey,” his big hand wraps around your wrist, still wet and sticky from your release but you don’t care. “what are you doing?”

“need you,” you whine. it’s desperate and pathetic. “please, just… need you—”

“fuck, sweetheart,” he curses against your hair, finally letting you undo all his shirt buttons with shaky and unsure hands. matty sits still, letting you take your time. “do you even know what you do to me?” 

you?? to him?? you want to ask if he knows what he does to you. how he has you thinking about him day and night, has you desperately seeking out your pillow on lonely nights, imagining it’s his hand between your thighs, his body weighing heavy on top of yours. 

“let me fuck you, baby.” for the first time, matty’s voice is gentle… the edge of it doesn’t go away though, it’s still there, even if it’s barely noticeable. “been so good for me today. just lie back down and let me make you feel good, sweetheart.”

the words do something funny to your chest, make tingles spread all over your body and you wait for him, lying on your back and desperately clenching around nothing. 

“come back,” you whine, even when he’s hurrying to shed his clothes, to pull your skirt off of you. all in all it takes him a minute to be back between your legs, his hard cock pressed against you and making your hiss, but your body feels cold from the absence of his body heat. 

“my needy little thing,” he murmurs. even when he seems tender, his particular desire to torture you stays. 

matty doesn’t enter you just yet, still keeping his fingers on your clit, drawing figures of eight on it until your mind is floating, your body loose and completely malleable in his hands. you barely even have the energy to open your eyes and look at him, at his curls plastered to his forehead. 

“i ne–need you,” you cry out again, getting squirmy and desperate, writhing beneath his touch. he doesn’t oblige, he just keeps building up another orgasm in you. even when you’re getting too sensitive to his touch. 

“you’re my little toy, aren’t you?” his words keep falling onto your ears from all sides, nothing compared to the haze of ecstasy you’re in. “cum for me again, baby. just one more time and then i’m yours. then i’ll do whatever you want.”

you know better than to trust his promises. 

outside of this bedroom, his entire job hinges on his ability to get people to believe in his promises. to fall for his sweet words. 

and what had he called you before? a dumb little slut? because he might as well be right. 

within minutes you’re falling apart around his fingers again. you have no control of your body anymore, no control over your orgasms. all you can to is cling onto him, wrap your legs around his waist to keep him close. to keep holding onto the last thread of your sanity. 

“there you go,” he breathing onto your skin before you’re even done coming down from your high, sliding inside you before you can catch your breath. 

it’s maddening in the best of ways—to be so full of him that you forget about your own existence. 

“matty…”

“sound so sweet when you say my name like that, baby.” his voice comes from somewhere on top of you. he’s bottomed out now, hard and thick and filling you in so much more than his fingers did. 

the soft sheets of the bed rustle against your skin as he moves—slow at first and only ramping up at the pace when you nod at him and squeeze him between your legs. 

your long nails dig deep into his shoulders, sinking into his skin and leaving scratches all over his unmarred skin but you need to hold onto something. his cock hitting that spot deep inside you feels too good. his hips ramming into yours has you on the edge so much quicker that you can ever imagine. you aren’t going to last much longer and matty’s only just getting started. 

“look at you,” he tuts, “fucked dumb and practically drooling onto your chin. is that what my cock does to you, hmm?”

you nod like a puppet on a string. a whine builds deep in your chest and each of his movements has you clawing his back. matty takes it all—the pain from your sharp nails, you clenching tightly around him over and over again, squeezing his body between your thighs. 

his hips ram against yours, body tensing the more he moves, stomach muscles pulled taut. 

“fuck,” he grunts, “‘m close, sweetheart, gonna cum inside you, okay? gonna pump you full of my cum.”

“ye–yes, ‘m close too, shit, so–so—”

matty shushes, sparing you the effort of constructing an entire sentence. he’s twitching inside you, moving in an erratic rhythm. sweat drips off him and onto your chest. and it’s the one particularly hard thrust that gets you before you’re clenching around him tightly, cumming with everything left in you, dizzy and disoriented. 

that must have pushed him over the edge too because you feel something warm and thick filling you up, dripping down your thighs. his arms shake with the effort of holding him up on top of you but you’re too far gone to care. too far gone to even relish in the groans that echo around you. all you can do is quietly whimper his name and hold onto him tightly, to keep him inside you, close to you for as long as possible. 

exhaustion weighs on you like a tonne of bricks. if only you could close your eyes for a second…

“hey!” matty sharp voice jerks you out of your thought. 

“tired…” is all you manage to say. but a moment later he’s pulling out of you. the emptiness you feel has you whining softly, barely even paying attention as matty dips his mouth between your legs again. 

“lemme clean you up, pet,” he whispers, tongue already on your thigh, “been so good to me today, let me clean you up. then you can sleep.”

you’re fairly certain you give him a nod, writhing under him as matty proceeds to clean between your legs with his mouth, both yours and his release now coating his tongue. but you hiss in pain when his tongue makes contact with your clit again. your eyes well up. this time, they’re not tears of pleasure.  

you gather up all your strength or whatever’s left of it to clench your thighs shut. “yellow, matty, please… please.”

in an instant, he moves away, shushing you while stroking your head. “it’s done, baby, no more. i promise.” 

his voice sounds firm and you have a vague memory of the feeling of a wet cloth between your legs some time later. all you know is he’s there, pressing a glass of cold water to your lips, urging you to drink from it. all you remember is him ringing up room service to order some food. and then the feeling of being pulled into someone’s arms. 

lemme know what you think <33

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[igotanidea]

Hoodies and sneakers : Jason Todd x fem!reader

@mxtokko asked me to make part 2 of my ff Beneath (Jason Todd x fem! plus size reader). This is sth that may or may not be treated like this. @jasontoddsthickbabe - I take the liberty of tagging you since you were the one who requested previous part.

Summary: Y/N may (or not) have got through her size complex, but something new is creeping in. Something about her wearing tomboy-like clothes and not being feminine enough......

It was pretty rough day. Not because of work or the intensity, but because of late Y/N has been spending a lot of time inside her own head. Dealing with her thoughts and demons that seemed to feed of the smallest piece of insecurity and doubt. It was getting harder to deal with them and focusing on work was becoming impossible. How could she possibly concentrate when the world was going crazy before her eyes and she was slowly loosing grip of who she was and what was her place on Earth.

She was really better and sort of lighter before Jason confessed how he felt about her and they started building a relationship. Before that, she was fairly aware she was not an object of desire and therefore never focused on that. But now…. More often than not she was wondering whether she was the girl she was supposed to.

The problem was, Y/N was always the kind of girl who felt best in leggings, or even sweatpants, and hoodies. Messy hair, lack of makeup and domestic vibes were definitely her style. She was rocking sneakers, using bus instead of cab and never cared about the brand. This was fine, before Jason turned her world upside down. And now? Irony being that when she became the girlfriend the world started overflowing her with the images of hot girls in tiny dresses, feminine-like with perfect hair, painted nails etc. Real girlbosses. And that was only feeding her fears.

However, she was doing her own thing, not showing how she felt inside. It was working for a while, but after a few weeks she was getting more and more sad and frustrated and the time bomb was ticking in the stepped-up pace leading straight up to explosion.

Since Y/N was still working as a journalist in Gotham biggest newspaper and considering her part-time job as Wayne tech expert she was spending a lot of time working remotely, from the manor. Sometimes it was just too much dealing with the colleagues, but of course, from time to time she had to show in the office. For a debriefing for example. She never treated those differently than any other work day, so she was not prepared for what was coming for her.

“Wait. What do you mean photoshoot?” he eyes grew wide at the sight before her. All those professional photographers, cameras, lights and photography equipment got her head spinning

“Oh, Y/N. didn’t you get the e-mail? I sent you all notification a couple weeks ago….”

“E-mail. Right. Of course I did. I just….. forgot to open it.” In fact, when she saw a message entitled “Sitting” she just deleted it without opening. Grave mistake.

“Don’t worry about it, dear. I bet we can find some more appropriate clothes for you. The girls can borrow you something. You surely cannot show yourself in this.” Her boss pointed out towards her worn jeans and a simple, basic black T-shirt.

“I don’t think anything will fit me…..” now, the plus size complex started to creep in. Great. She felt sick. Again.

“Are you all right, y/n?” her work best friend came from behind and quickly realized what must have been happening inside her head.

“I’m fine….” She swallowed strenuously “I think I;m just gonna sit back and watch.”

“But….”

“It’s all right, I swear. I was never a fan of showing off after all. But by all means, you go ahead. It’s your time to shine.” She pushed her friends towards the other girls, who were just flawless. Showing off, smiling, teasing and flirting. High heels, office looks…. Y/N felt like a preschooler amongst the confident, beautiful women. She never get to feel like this. She never needed to be on the spotlight. So why the fuck did it hurt so much. Knowing that she would never look so hot and mature. Jason told her he loved her (yes, he finally used those words), but what if was just a toy? A way to kill time before he found someone better? Hotter? Sexier?

“Not again….” she whispered as her heart started beating rapidly due to all the projecting she was doing.

“Y/N? Are you familiar with the photo equipment?”  one of the snappers asked

“Yes! Yes I am. Do you need help?”

“Um…. I do. But are you sure you don’t want to pose with….?”

“NO! I mean, no, I’m good. I’d rather give you a hand……please…..”

“You sure….?” The guy was still hesitant. Why the hell did he ask her if he was withdrawing now. “You don’t want the attention?”

“I’m good behind the scene. Now, give me that.” She practically whipped the camera off his hands “what do you need me to do?”

So she spent the day acting all cool and goofy, assuring everyone she was fine. Even if all her coworkers knew that was a lie, no one found any words to convince her to join the session as a model, not a helper. All that situation left her with the bitter taste of not being worth the attention. How could she ever compare?  She could count the times she wore a dress on the fingers of one hands and even then she looked like a kid dressed up in her mother’s gown rather than a grown-up women she was. This was a disaster every time. So maybe she was not worth any attention?

With dark thoughts she came to the manor. Normally she would tell everyone to fuck off and leave her alone, but Dick was quite persistent, trying to bribe her with some new tech ideas Bruce came up with and with which he needed some help. So, despite her attitude she changed her plans of sitting in front of Netflix with some ice cream.

“Y/N!” Dick opened the door, beating anyone else in it and hugged her closely in welcome “you look sad. Is everything all right?

“Peachy” she muttered, looking like a storm cloud “where are those new gadgets?”

“Straight to the business, huh? How about we try to wipe that frown off your face first?”

“Listen to me very carefully now, boy wonder. If you don’t cut on your sunshine and rainbow attitude I swear I’m gonna shove your smile up your ass. See who will be wiping what then.” Dick’s eyes widened in surprise. Y/N was known for being fast talker and having harsh tongue, but this?

“Um…. All right, then…..” he muttered “let’s go to the cave. Guys are already there.”

“All of them?”

“Yes? Why? Does that bother you?”

“No. I’m actually glad. Plenty of people to pick up the fight with.”

“Y/N, are you sure you are ok?”

“I swear to god if one more person ask me this question today I will draw blood!” she exclaimed making Dick jump away and raise his hands in surrender. Shit, she was more angry than Jason when he first came out of the Pit. Grayson had a bit of experience with angered girls and knew well enough this was no joke. It was better to just keep his mouth shut. Perhaps, Jason or Tim would be able to calm her down, but he’d rather live some more. “Now, move Grayson! I don’t have all day!”

“What’s with the sad face?” Tim asked the second she walked through the entrance to the cave

“HOW ABOUT WE FOCUS ON THE TECH!?” Dick chimed in, before Y/N could answer meeting with a surprised (Tim), condescending (Damian) and amused (Jason) looks of his brothers. He exhaled deeply. “That’s why we are gathered here, right?”

“Damn it, Grayson. You sound like you were about to officiate a wedding. Should we know about something?” Damian smirked and looked at Jason and then at Y/N, who was now red like a tomato, clenching her fists. “Um…. Y/N?”

“Can. we. Just. Focus. On .The .Work” she hissed through clenched teeth moving towards the table where the tech was displayed, the boys moving out of her way. Even Jay, who usually had his ways of making her chill now just let her pass, his mouth agape. None of them has ever seen her this angry.

“What did you do to her, Dickhead?” he hissed towards his brother

“Nothing. She came here like this.” Dick tried to defend himself

“Can you two just shut the fuck up!?”

“Sorry Y/n.”

“Yeah, sorry, babe. But if you want to talk then……”

“SHUT UP JASON!”

“All right, all right, I’m gonna be quiet from now on…..” he mumbled, looking down, acting like a beaten dog. Normally the rest of the boys would laugh at him for being like this, but at this point even Damian knew better than to mess with the force of nature Y/N became.

There were silence for like five minutes, before Steph and Cass entered the cave, followed by Babs.

“Y/N!” Steph jumped forward and hugged her friend, causing boys to go through a little heart attack “Alfred told us you are here. It’s wonderful. We are going shopping. You need to join us. I saw this cute little outfit that would be just perfect for you. I bet Jay would like you in it and …..” oh, poor Steph did not get to finish

“AGH!” Y/N yelled at the top of her lungs. “I’M DONE! I’M OUT! JUST LEAVE THE FUCK ALONE!” the tears finally started to fall down her face, since she was not able to hold them back anymore “I just can’t…. I can’t …. I’m sorry guys….” Her voice broke and she rushed off the cave blindly, not caring about the gadgets, the scene she was making, the tears or anything else. She felt like she was suffocating when she run upstairs, towards the manor, further away from all the people.

“What…. what just happened?” Babs stuttered “what the hell did you do?” her accusatory gaze landed on each of the boys separately

“I did nothing!” Tim exclaimed “Ask you boyfriend, Oracle!”

“Dick?”

“Oh, come on. Why do you always suspect me? I had nothing to do with it. Jay is supposed to take care of her so….”

“Speaking of you, Jason. Why are you still here?!  Run after her, before she does something stupid!”

“Do you think she can…..?”

“Just go, you dumbass!”

“Oh, yeah, right.” He slowly threw his shock off “Oh, fuck! You’re right! Y/N! Y/N, wait!”

‘Did I say something wrong?” Steph gaze was fixed on the floor, her voice barely above the whisper “I did not mean to…..” Cass just took a step forward and put a hand on her shoulder reassuringly.

“You didn’t. I bet she just had a bad day or something like that…. She’s been nervous and stressed for a while now.”

“Guys” Babs was already searching through the web “I think I know what might have caused it.”

***

At the same time, Y/N was sitting in her favorite spot on the manor roof, slowly calming down. Legs bend and hugged to her chest, chin resting on the knees, hands hidden in the sleeves of her sweatshirt. She was a bit ashamed of the scene that she caused. Poor Steph was probably blaming herself now. Poor Dick who was verbally attacked by her. Poor Jason who….

“Safe to enter?” …. who was just slowly moving towards her, cautious of every step.

“Sure…” she muttered, not looking at him.

He plumped on the floor next to her, legs crossed, not saying a word, waiting for her to start speaking, But the second she opened her mouth to let it all out her phone chimed. The message she received contained the photos that were made barely a couple hours earlier.

“Well, that was fast…” she muttered rubbing her eyes, irritated from the crying.

“What happened? Who do I shoot?” Jay asked using the opportunity of her distraction and grabbing her hand in his.

“Possibly me.” she smirked “I did some stupid things today.”

“Really? Stupid?” he smirked “I bet no one noticed. You act so normal.”

“You’re an idiot” she cuffed his arm and chuckled which made her hiccup

“Then we match each other, right?”

“Don’t push it, Jaybird.” She warned moving closer and leaned her head on his shoulder, his arm automatically wrapped around her waist pulling her closer shielding her from the wind. It was cold and he did not want her to get sick.

“If I do I give you permission to push me off this roof.” He laughed kissing the top of her head “Tell me what happened. Seriously Y/N. As much as I love you with all that fire we need to put it out before it burns you.”

“It’s better now…..”

“No. Talk.”

“How about I show you?” she reached for her phone and presented the photos to him “you see that?”

“A photo of your work friends?”

“There was a photoshoot at the work today and…..”

“So where are you in this picture?” he frowned taking the phone from her hands and blowing the picture up. “what did you do?” the girl mumbled something inaudibly “Y/N? I can’t hear you. What. Did. You. Do?”

“I hid.”

“What?! Why?!”

“Oh, come on, Jay…..”

“Don’t tell me it’s because of your size, again. We’ve been through it.”

“It’s not about the size. “

“Then what.” he tightened his grip on her and she winced “I’m not letting you go until you confess.”

“I’m not hot, all right? I mean, look at them. They are all exceptional. And I’m wearing a hoodie, torn jeans and sneakers, Jay.”

“So what?”

“So what?  Are you serious?”

“Yes, I’m serious. What is the problem with your clothes?”

“I…..” she hesitated for a while, blinking in surprise “but …..” how was she supposed to put in into words “isn’t that what all the guys want?”

“Meaning?” he narrowed his head. This bastard knew exactly where her words were heading and yet did nothing to make it easier.

“A girl who captures attention? Don’t you want to brag about catching a babe? A chick? I don’t know…. Don’t you wish to have  a lady in the street and a freak in the sheets? I’m not like this.I am totally average. Vanilla. Boring. Ordinary. “

“Baby….”

“Look, I’m fully aware I’m not the person who catches attention, all right? Not… looking like this. Sometimes I even believe your family pities me. And you too. I mean, have you seen the girls that were lining up to talk to Dick and you at the latest gala? Isn’t that what you want?”

“Will you just shut up?” he leaned to her and cut her race of though with the most gentle and delicate kiss that got her melting on the spot “Come here.” He twisted positions slightly, pulling her on his lap, grabbing on her hips while her hands locked on his neck. “Have you lost your mind?”

“Is that a tricky question?”

“Obviously. Let me rephrase it then. You did lose your mind. Do think you are undesirable?”

“I….”

“Do you think I would toss you away because of a girl wearing mini skirt? The girl that I don’t know? Do you have so little faith in me?”

“In men, in general.” She bit on her lip and hissed when Jason pinched her side “Auch!”

“Well you deserved it for having such silly thoughts. You read too much fanfiction.”

“I don’t….” she objected turning red.

“Don’t deny it. I know you do. Look, all those stories? They are highly overdrawn. They make girls believe than guys only want them if they are skinny, flawless and wear nothing.” He shook his head ”I don’t mind lingerie, but that does not mean I don’t love in you in that damn hoodie you mentioned. Or a simple T-shirt. Preferably mine.” He smirked ”Look Y/N, I know you don’t feel comfortable in dresses or anything like that and I don’t mind. You are the hottest to me when you have that spark in your eyes, when your hair are tousled because your mind is racing. I love you in trainers, when you run the streets searching for a new story. I would never, never want you to wear mini or an revealing top if it’s uncomfortable. Did you think you can only capture my attention this way? With thong and lack of bra? That I would fall for an exposed body?”

“I…..” she started but realized something  “Wait. How do you know so much about fanfiction, Jay?” she grinned. Darn, she was so going to use that in the future.

“Did you? Yes or not?” he didn’t even stutter, keeping his cool.

“Yes.”

“Auch!” he gasped “Really?”

“I’m sorry. I just got insecure….”

“I know. And I forgive you. But only because I love you, you silly one. And because I know a lot about insecurities. First handed.” he kissed her nose gently “Now, promise me, this was the first and last time you doubted yourself.”

“I don’t like empty promises.”

“Well then you leave me no choice but to make you….” once again he captured her lips in his, ready to be convincing her for the rest of the day, evening and even the rest of his life if needed.

She was his one and only.   

@pinksirensong

[thesilentsongbirds]

I’ve been thinking about this for a bit but...yandere Xiao x reader but with a mafia.

TW: imprisonment, punishments, conditioning, kidnapping, lots of implied stuff, general yandere content

He’s taken over after Zhongli, though Xiao instantly gains a reputation for being much less...discreet about how he gets rid of his enemies and people who displease him.

What can he say, he’s always had a short temper and little patience for stupidity.

You though, somehow you didn’t even mean to get caught up in this mess. You just worked at the café down the street, sometimes stopping to chat with regular customers.

You’re not even sure when it becomes a thing. When suddenly this man with piercing gold eyes stares at you from outside, or when he starts coming in and placing orders for tea in a gruff voice.

The tea always goes untouched. But those bright golden eyes never leave you.

Looking back, you can see the build up easily. At the moment though, you thought that he was just a shy man who didn’t know how to talk to people. Even when he came in with others, his lackeys, as you had learned, he never spoke to them.

You even remember the mistake that you made. Thinking back, you wish you had simply told your coworker you were taking a break and quit your job.

You had smiled at him.

It was all over from then on.

Once a day trips became twice a day, then three times, until it felt like he never left. After enough orders, you had finally worked up the courage to ask for his name.

“Xiao,” he replied in a rough voice, then snatched his tea up and sat in his usual spot, the place that always seemed to let him stare at you.

Your coworker warned you once, to stay away. You had brushed her off, because it felt easier to, because although he looked strong, and something about him made you uncomfortable, you didn’t think you were in any real danger.

Well, at least right then you didn’t.

It changed one day when you were working late, trying to close, and the only people left were you and Xiao. His tea must have long since gone cold, but when you silently offered to take it, he shook his head, wrapping his hands around the cup.

So you closed up shop, wished him goodnight, and listened as you turned away to the sound of his shoes clicking on the sidewalk just a couple feet behind you.

“Y/n,” he had said so suddenly, in the quietness of night. In your bag, you held your keys a bit tighter, a wave of unease boring into you.

You could feel his eyes on the back of your skull.

“Do you do this every night? It’s not safe to walk home alone.” Xiao crossed his arms, fabric rustling as you slowly turned back to look at him.

“I’ll be fine,” you reassured, though it felt rather closer to talking to a brick wall. “You don’t have to worry.”

He grunted, a small little sound, but one still heard. When he said nothing, you turned, only to hear Xiao snap his fingers.

Something hit you on the back of the head, pain radiating through your skull, and the world went black.

~~~

It’s been months since then, at least you think. Xiao doesn’t allow you outside. Sometimes though, if you bother him enough, you can convince him to let you near a window.

The scenery never changes outside. It’s always a view into the walled off garden that his yakuza group has in the estate. Always the same perfect trees and flowers.

A snip of perfection in what has quickly become your prison.

It’s fine, Xiao reassures you. He had to do so a lot more in the beginning, when you had cried and begged him to let you go.

You’re too weak, he told you. You don’t need anything out there.

But truly you wondered to yourself who wouldn’t be weak compared to him, and the resources he had at his disposal.

So you often beg for an inch only to be given less. You get a few more feet on the chain around your ankle. You get books when you behave. Maybe. He really doesn’t want to give you much.

At least most of the men under Xiao’s order take some kind of pity on you. They aren’t cruel, but they don’t help you either.

No one wants to take away what makes their boss happy, after all. And you sure do.

Xiao loves being able to come home to you. He loves being able to bury himself between your thighs and forget about all his work. Sure, he still has a little blood on him, but don’t worry about it. You’ll get used to it. He promises.

And sadly, you do.

It doesn’t bother you as much as it did at first. It still makes your stomach turn to feel the tackiness of blood against your skin, and the way it itches when it dries.

Xiao is slightly open to the idea of showering when he first comes back to you. But only if you come with him. Get ready for some rough fucking to reward his good behavior towards you.

It takes a while for Xiao to finally get you to smile at him again, the way you did in the café for the first time. It takes him for him to teach you the way you should react.

Sure, he’s hit you a few times but only when you try to escape! Why do you even do that? You don’t ever get past the guards. Why do you even try?

Still, just because of that though, doesn’t mean you should flinch when he tries to touch you. He’ll just have to touch you more until you learn not to do that. What do you mean its instinctive? Just stop. It looks like he’s going to have to spend the whole day with you, touching you until you get used to it.

He should have just taken you from the first moment he saw you. Being out there on your own gave you too many ideas. He is more than happy to work with you on removing all those ideas of “leaving.”

You’ll get used to it. It just takes time. And some... rather unsavory punishments for attempts to leave.

Don’t worry, he’ll always be here for you. He’ll always provide and keep you safe.

And when he finally can retire and let someone else take over the organization, he’ll have all the more time to spend with you.

[rootedinrevisions]

Toothbrush

SUMMARY: Based on the song Toothbrush by DNCE. You and Boone have had a Friends with Benefits relationship for a while, but one morning he brings up the idea of it being something more. FLUFF.

WARNINGS: Mentions/Implied Smut/Sex.

WORD COUNT: 800

The morning sunlight streamed through the curtains of Boone's bedroom, casting a soft, golden glow over the room. You blinked awake, momentarily disoriented, before the familiar scent of his cologne and the feeling of his shirt against your skin brought you back to reality. You were in Boone's bed, the same place you'd found yourself waking up more times than you could count over the past year.

You rolled over to see him still fast asleep, his chest rising and falling with the slow, steady rhythm of sleep. His tousled hair and relaxed expression made him look almost boyish, a stark contrast to the wild, risk-taking man everyone else saw. Carefully, you slipped out of bed, trying not to disturb him, and tiptoed across the room to the bathroom.

Standing in front of the mirror, you sighed softly. You were still wearing his shirt from the night before, and your reflection looked just as conflicted as you felt. Splashing some cool water on your face, you tried to shake off the emotions that had been building up for weeks. This thing between you and Boone had started out as fun—no strings, no expectations—but lately, you couldn't shake the feeling that you wanted more.

As you reached for a towel to dry your face, you felt a familiar pair of arms wrap around your waist from behind. Boone's warm breath tickled your ear as he pressed soft kisses to your neck and shoulder, making your heart skip a beat.

"Where do you think you're going?" he murmured, his voice still rough with sleep.

You smiled despite yourself, leaning back into his embrace. "I need to head home," you said, trying to keep your tone light. "I've got to shower, brush my teeth...you know, basic hygiene."

Boone groaned playfully, tightening his hold on you. "Or you could just stay here," he suggested, nuzzling into your hair. "We can be lazy together all day."

You chuckled softly, turning in his arms to face him. "As tempting as that sounds, I really should go. I don't even have my toothbrush here."

He hesitated, his usual carefree demeanor faltering for a moment. "You could...bring that stuff over," he said slowly, almost like he was testing the waters.

You frowned slightly, unsure of what he was getting at. "What do you mean?"

Boone looked down, his fingers playing with the hem of his shirt that you were wearing. "I mean...what if you kept some of your things here? So you don't have to leave every time. You could, you know, stay more often."

Your heart skipped a beat as his words sank in. "Are you saying...you want me to stay?"

He looked up, his brown eyes earnest and just a little bit nervous. "Yeah. I'm saying...I want us to be more than just friends with benefits. I want you to be my girlfriend."

A smile spread across your face, and you could feel your heart swelling in your chest. You'd been hoping to hear those words for so long, but you never thought Boone would be the one to say them first. Closing the distance between you, you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him into a warm embrace.

"I want that too," you whispered against his ear. "I just didn't think you'd want it."

Boone chuckled softly, his arms tightening around you. "You kidding? I've been wanting this for a while now, just didn't know how to bring it up without sounding like a total idiot."

You pulled back slightly to look at him, your smile growing wider. "So, does this mean I'm officially your girlfriend now?"

His cheeks turned a little pink, and he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Yeah, if you're cool with that. I mean, I'm not exactly the best at this kind of thing, but I promise I'll try."

You laughed softly, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to his lips. "I'm more than cool with that, Boone."

He grinned, the tension melting away from his shoulders as he pulled you close again. "Good. Because I don't want to lose what we have. I care about you, more than I ever thought I would."

You rested your head against his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart beneath your cheek. "I care about you too," you said softly, closing your eyes as you let yourself finally relax in his arms.

Boone kissed the top of your head, holding you close as if he never wanted to let go. For once, the world outside didn't seem to matter. The only thing that mattered was being here, with him, knowing that you were no longer just friends with benefits, but something much more.

TAG LIST: @omgbrianab I @shanimallina87

[torawro]

okita okita okita moaning in your ear while rocking his hips deep into yours :( sougo & the look of evil on his face while mocking your cute little whines, while laughing when you get real impatient and real mean ab his your dick <333

this is another ask i've been saving <33 i love u sem and you're probably like my only (?) gintama moot😭 if there are more of you out there please come forward i'm begging you. also i'm sorry this ask is so late sdkfjhsdkj i'm clearing out my inbox buttt yes !! ur brain is so big and beautiful babe for this thought ;(( used my pink dividers just for this

okita is so fucking mean to you. i mean you knew that getting into a relationship with him but damn, it's times like these when he was balls deep, nestled so far up your cunt that it really processed how rude he comes off, whether he means to be or not. but still, you can't really help the involuntary clenching of your pussy around his cock when he chuckles laughs derisively against the shell of your ear :(( you're back at his place-- his nice comfy apartment you always find yourself lounging at on your off days and on weekends-- and he's practically fucking you in the mattress. he's fucking you good and he knows it. damn cute bastard is what he is.

your back is against his lush pillows and sheets, now both legs dangling lifelessly off his shoulders, one of okita's arms was gripping the headboard for support, and the other would gracefully switch between your pulsating clit and having a hand on your throat. the purpose of his palm on your neck is to make you look at him when your eyes start to flutter backwards into your skull. he got a serious kick out of practically seeing all thoughts except for him leave your brain, and the way you squeezed around him just right whenever he would lightly choke you; he nearly came at least three times because you just feel so good and you're so beautiful, and all his. he got such a kick out of all of this that a mocking laugh escaped his pretty lips, his deep crimson irises darkened a shade but still seemed to sparkle with sadistic mirth from seeing you underneath him like this. "awwww baby, feels good? looks like you're enjoying yourself a little too much. here, let me help you out a little..."

and then he'd slow down. the bastard purposefully slowed down his thrusts to a lackadaisical roll of his hips against yours. he can feel your slick and cum (from when he sat you on his face) squelch and splatter against his pelvis and thighs whenever he slowly, but with rough precision, rocked against you. okita would throw his head back and curse, "fuck...you're so fucking t...tight, princess."

"goddammit! fuck, sou' p-please, please speed up! d-don't be so mean....i hate you." you huffed out a cry as you grinded your own hips back into him, trying to build up a rhythm and pleasure yourself. you didn't actually hate him and he knew that, you were just a little upset and emotional

okita's wine red eyes rolled back down to gaze at you trying to fuck yourself on his cock. a sinful smirk pulled at his lips as he watched you try to get yourself off. "'don't be s-so mean, sou'!' look at you, being so nice and doin' all the work for me. aren't you the sweetest thing?" your boyfriend's voice ascended a few pitches in an attempt to mock you. at this point, he damn near stopped moving completely, only giving you a few shallow rolls every now and then. he looked so....almost evil above you. but he was still devilishly handsome.

a pout immediately morphed onto your pretty, glossy lips and tears began to well up in your eyes, feeling frustrated he was teasing you yet again, especially when he was making you feel so good and you were so close to cumming. then without warning he leaned close enough so that his pale brown hair brushed against your face, then surprised you with a peck on your pouty lips. "you are just so fucking cute. relax baby, okay? i got you."

suddenly, he drew his hips back enough, until his pink tip nearly kissed your folds, and plunged all the way back to where he was before all at once, causing your back to arch into him like a cat. both of your moans were loud, choked out and desperate. the both of you felt heavenly encased in each other like this, neither of you wanting this moment to end. from that point on, okita got a little more serious, and fucked you like he loved you (cause he did, obviously) <3

yea....yeah i think ima add gintama to my misc masterlist cause rfdkhdkjd i think i kinda like this one

[weixuldo]

Enigma// Ch 1

Modern!Anakin x Reader

(A/N: this is the prompt abt 30s anakin and college student reader lol. it’s set in modern time and anakin is kind of antisocial…(more on that later) yes sounds like unconditionally but going a v diff route)

Stressed and upset, you go to a local dive bar to try to take your mind off of things…

warnings: alcohol, depression?, antisocial behavior

__________________________________________

“Thank you, have a nice weekend” is what your professor said at 2:30 Friday afternoon. You were finally free for the weekend, and boy did you need it. This week had been particularly rough for no apparent reason. You walked out of the lecture hall and down to the dining hall. 

It wasn’t terribly busy at the moment so you grabbed some food and went to look for a table. Once you set your food down you went to get a drink, sadly there was only one spout on the drink machine that produced regular water, and it was rather slow today.

You awkwardly stood there as the glass slowly filled. One of the popular student athletes was standing behind you. You didn’t know her name, but she had a beautiful complexion, not a pimple in sight. Her hair was done in braids with blue and white coloring. 

You felt bad about “hogging” the water so you just gave up at half a glass and excused yourself so she could fill her water bottle. You finished your late lunch in silence as you planned your night.

You got back to the dorm and your roommate was in there with her boyfriend…great. You told her you were going to the bar tonight and not to expect you back. Basically giving her the green light to have the boyfriend stay over. She thanked you, with a little too much enthusiasm and you left the  two of them to get ready elsewhere. 

You did your make up and put on a black dress that wasn't the most modest thing you had. I mean, you were looking to forget about the week after all. You grabbed the rest of your things and called an uber. You were definitely not planning to go back to campus tonight. 

You reached the shitty dive bar that all the college kids and ‘trendy” locals went to. Once you stepped out of the car, your heels sunk into gravel. You thanked your driver and continued into the smoke infested bar. 

The college kids with fakes tended to congregate around the front of the building, away from the actual bar, maybe out of fear of being caught. But you were of age so you sat yourself down on a barstool and leaned on the counter.

“Would you like the regular Darlin'” the bartender, who now considered you a regular, asked.

You nodded and the man began to prepare you a Moscow mule. He slid hte copper mug towards you and you thanked him. You sipped on the refreshing drink as you scanned the bar. 

Too old, too young, too loud, asshole, asshole, creep, too old

You almost gave up until you saw a handsome man leaning against the bar. He was wearing black pants, a dark long sleeve, and … gloves? He was basically dressed for winter…it was the middle of August.

You studied him a bit more before choosing to interact. He had a head of nice sandy brown hair and striking blue eyes. He had a sharp jawline and a beautiful side profile. You finished your drink for courage and then went on your way. 

“Nice outfit” you said, a flirty tone to your voice.

He turned to you slowly, “mhm” before sipping more of his drink. 

Sheesh. Tough crowd. 

“You don't look particularly happy to be here” you observed with a small smile.

He looked at you once more before placing his glass on the bar. 

“Correct, I’m not”.

“Why not?” you asked.

He nodded his head towards a bearded guy and a girl with braids. “We’re celebrating.”

“You don’t seem very celebratory”

“I don’t like bars” 

You hummed in response, “I don’t really like bars either”.

“Then why are you here?” he asked, kind of accusatory. 

“Because I’m fucking miserable” you giggled, which triggered a hiccup. 

He glanced at you and a small smirk tugged at his lips, “Me too”.

You smiled at him and ordered another round of drinks. Once you had enough alcohol in your system to be officially counted as inebriated, you became bolder. 

“What’s with the gloves?”

“It’s cold,” he responded shortly.

“It’s August”

To that he looked down at his glass. You moved to place your hand on one of his, but he snatched it away before you could. Before you could say anything the guy and girl he pointed at came up. 

Once they were in the light you recognized the girl from your school. She was the athlete who was behind you at lunch in the dining hall.

“Hey, Don't you go to my school?” she asked. You were surprised she remembered you.

“Yeah, I’m F/N L/N, I’m a junior” you extended your hand.

She shook it and smiled, “I’m Ashoka Tano, I’m a senior”.

You smiled, “I’ve seen you compete, you’re really talented”.

She let out a hearty laugh, “Well thank you… F/N!”

“Were you talking to this guy?” She asked, pointing to the guy you were indeed just talking to. 

“She was,” he answered before you.

“Wanna join us?” Ashoka asked, “we’re celebrating this job I got!”

“Of course! As long as you're fine with it” you smiled

“Definitely!”

You learned Ahsoka secured a job for the military, something to do with athletic training in the army. You later learned the oldest man in the group’s name was Obi-wan, but he went by Ben. The three of you enjoyed drinks for the greater portion of the night before you were all pretty drunk. 

“-Back”

Huh?

“I said how are you going to get back?” Anakin repeated.

He must have meant home. “Ummm, I don’t know- I didn't really expect to go home t-tonight” you slurred, trying to steady yourself.

He sighed, standing form his seated position . Obviously he was not as hammered as you. 

“I can drive or something” you offered.

“You’re way too wasted to get behind the wheel, plus you said you didn’t even drive here”.

Oh yeah.

“I’ll Uber” you offered.

“Nahhh, don't do that! The Uber’s here aren *hic* Aren’t safe” Ahsoka said, herself wasted as well. 

“Wait! Come with us!” she offered. “We’re crashing at Anakin’s!”.

He scowled at the woman behind him, he didn’t appreciate his house being offered up.

“No-It’s ok, he seems…mad” you said, his scowl looking menacing in your inebriated state.

“BOO! Party Pooper!” Ahsoka shouted, to which Ben shushed her. She rolled her eyes and continued to whisper “Boo”.

Anakin sighed and looked at you. You really weren’t in any shape to go back alone, and this wasn’t exactly the nicest part of town. He begrudgingly agreed and Ahsoka cheered. 

_____________________________________

Anakin’s apartment was rather small, it wasn’t a tidy place, but it wasn't necessarily dirty either. It was a one bedroom apartment with a kitchen, bathroom, and living area. Ben pulled out the sofa bed and Ahsoka flopped onto it. Anakin retired to his room and Ben took a cot from the closet to sleep on. You didn’t really know what to do, so  you just laid beside Ahsoka on the pullout

You examined his cluttered living room as you drifted to sleep. He had a lot of military gear and other random items scattered around. Was he a soldier? A headache rolled through your skull and you decided it was time to go to bed, you could wonder about the man tomorrow.

Morning came  quicker than you would have liked it to. But nonetheless it did. You woke up not as bad as you were expecting. You had a mild headache but you weren't gripped by nausea, not bad for the drinking you did last night. You propped yourself up in the bed and saw Ahsoka pulling the blankets up from the end of the bed. To your left ben was still fast asleep ont he cot. You smelled coffee and got up to see what was up.

You turned the corner into the kitchen and saw a disheveled Anakin shakily pouring himself a cup of straight black coffee. He was still wearing gloves but he now had on a sweatshirt and sweatpants. His hands were shaking and you were worried he’d spill the coffee so you went up to him to do it for him. 

His eyes widened when you took the mug and pot. You poured him a glass quickly and set the pot back under the maker. You placed the mug on the counter for him.

“I had that” he huffed. 

Okayyy no thank you huh?

He reached for the mug only for him to fumble with the handle. Eventually he got a grip on it and took a sip. What was going on?

“Hey, are you ok-”

“I’m fine.” he started putting the mug back onto the counter. But he set it down at an awkward angle and the mug fell over, spilling some in the sink and the rest on the counter. 

“Fuck!” he exclaimed.

You heard Ben yawn and turn the corner, “Oh, Anakin let me help you with that” he said, approaching the spill.

Anakin scoffed and walked past you to get some paper towels. Well it was more like a limp than a walk. 

He handed Ben some towels and they began to clean the spill. You went to reach for one to offer your help, but Anakin just glared at you.

Once you turned the corner into the living room you heard Ben say to him,  

“You really should learn to be nicer to people who are just trying to help”.

followed by a crisp

“fuck off”

***

(a/n another ani one, unlike unconditionally, is this one doesn’t have kids and his injuries aren’t from a car crash. I kinda just wanted to do an aloof bitchy ani with a naive/ oblivious reader)

taglist: @dnamht @sxoulohvn @angeelcoree @wtf-andys @httpeachesblog @katsukiswrld @jetiikote

[dibbiedabbiedoobie]

Day 3: Hunt

This is probably the only voretober piece we’ll get done during October. Life has been really hectic lately, and we haven’t had the time for a lot of personal projects anymore. I do hope you like this one, though; James & Ashley are characters of mine from an unrelated book I’m working on. (I did kind of lose it when I realized I was writing vore fanfiction of my own book, in an amused way.)

Word Count: 3592

Tags: Safe vore, non-fatal vore, fearplay, same-size vore

Hunt (v): pursue and kill (a wild animal) for sport or food.

James was hungry. This was not a new phenomenon by any means; he was always a little bit hungry, it felt like. But this was a different sort of hunger, one not sated by ordering Domino's or Panda Express for the 4th time in a week. No, this was for something... larger, and meatier. Living.

He wasn't quite sure how he managed to swallow his meals whole, nor why it was only sometimes that he found himself craving them. It had happened to his father, and his grandmother, and they had no answers either. They'd only taught him how to deal with it, where to go hunting, how to avoid being caught, how to soothe scared prey. Quite a few "how"s, but no "why"s. After his teenage years, the curiosity for the latter had waned. He'd grown up and lost the child-like wonder at why he could do what other people couldn't, too busy with the daily toil to care. Between work, debt, and life, he had come to much appreciate the relative simplicity of "how" compared to "why."

Of course, it was a relative simplicity. This James was very aware of as he stalked the darkened streets. He was tall-ish, about  5'10, and of average build; not the most threatening, but still a big enough man to be avoided this late. His dark, oversized hoodie probably wasn't helping either, but he didn't mind that. He just kept his head down, heightened senses on the lookout for prey. In this part of town, with the seedy bars and even seedier strip clubs, it shouldn't be hard to find someone wandering alone.

It was in the alley next to a busy bar that he saw her, a young woman alone, leaning against a wall and vomiting. Her hair was swept back in beautiful auburn curls, complimenting her tight blue mini dress, white stilettos, and pale clutch. If he'd met her inside, and if he weren't so hungry, he might have tried to take her home. It made his skin crawl, taking advantage of her vulnerability like this, and he could really only hope she wouldn't fight him too much.

He crept up on her slowly, mindful to stay in her blind spot as she wiped her mouth and rubbed her face. From what little he could see, her make up was smudged, mascara bleeding in a way that looked like she'd been crying. Biting back an apology, James grabbed her, pulling her flush against his chest and clamping a hand over her mouth.

"I promise I'm not going to hurt you," he whispered, a little bit frantic. "I'm going to scare you, but I promise I mean it."

Then, before she could react, he shoved her head into his mouth. She fought him surprisingly hard for all the shock he'd assumed she was in, but the angle was too awkward for her to gain much leverage. He worked steadily but quickly down her body, pulling in her shoulders, then chest. Her hands opened to claw at nothing, and her clutch clattered against the concrete.  

Around her hips, James reared back, bringing her flailing legs into the air to allow gravity to plunge her downwards - one particularly strong kick sent one of her shoes flying behind him, bouncing and landing on the ground with a dull thunk. Her clothes were rough against his tongue and throat, but her skin was sweet and smooth; he wished he could have spent more time savoring it.

Instead, her legs quickly disappeared past his lips, and he plucked her shoe from her foot preemptively; he wasn't particularly keen to see what she could do to his insides with stilettos of all things. Then, with a final swallow, he brought the last of her down into his gullet. His fingers found his way to his throat and brushed against the bulge as it worked down, disappearing beneath his collarbone.

Then, James allowed himself to pause, huffing out the breath he'd been holding. He braced himself against the wall with a hand as his stomach swelled out with the last of the woman. The hoodie, to him, did very little to disguise the writhing, person-sized bulge beneath his skin. He drowned in the fabric, contrasting oddly with the way it stretched more tightly over his middle. But it only had to pass as vaguely normal to strangers, and it had served him well in the past, even with meals writhing harder than the woman already was.

Tenderly, he ran a hand over his oversized stomach; he didn't like the way she fought him, but he was so full. He often found he would forget how this completed him, with how infrequently he found himself partaking in live meals, which meant each time felt like rediscovering new heights of pleasure. Something primal in him was sated, and now he simply wanted to sleep.

Unfortunately, to do that he would have to get home. He still didn't like the feeling of his prey still struggling, but he liked the idea of being caught in an alley talking to his stomach even more. He had no idea if she had friends expecting her, so he gathered her things and set a casually hurried pace to his car. It wasn't far - he didn't like to go more than a couple blocks from it, not when he's be hauling a hundred, maybe a hundred-fifty pounds back with him. Tonight, he was lucky enough that his return was uneventful, and he slid back into his Honda Accord.

Here, behind tinted windows and a locked door, he truly relaxed. He'd adjusted his seat before he left to accommodate his gut, so he only had to sit down and settle in. Sighing, he ran a hand over his stomach again; his prey had stopped squirming at some point on the walk to his car, and now she simply sat, curled up and breathing. He could feel how tense she was, bracing herself as best she could in the soft, shifting environment of his belly. By now, he imagined she'd realized she was safe now, after being stuck inside of him without thinning air or tingling skin, not that it would make her feel much better about being eaten in the first place.

Gently, he prodded at her back. "Hey, are you okay in there?"

Unlike most of his catches, Ashley didn't start squirming again now that he was giving her attention. He'd expected it; they often would start fighting him and demanding freedom once they realized he'd actually talk to them. Not her, though. Instead, softly, she replied, "Yeah. Cramped, but okay."

"I can't really fix that part, sorry."

She snorted. "I'd suggest letting me out, but I imagine if that was going to be an option, you wouldn't have eaten me in the first place."

James cringed, though she couldn't see it. "Ah... yeah, no. But I'm really not going to hurt you. I'll let you out in the morning, okay?"

He tensed then, expecting the flurry of movement that usually came with people realizing they'd have to spend the night tucked inside a stomach. But again, she didn't do anything more than shift a bit. "Could I at least get your name?"

"Ah, James. My name's James. What's yours?"

"Ashley."

"It's good to meet you, Ashley." Absently, James began to stroke her back. "...You're taking this really well."

Ashley sighed, squirming a bit. "I'm too tired to freak out right now. Maybe in the morning, I'll lose it, but right now I can't bring myself to care all that much if I'm not going to die."

She sounded sad, weary almost. James found he didn't like that tone of voice from her, and he frowned. There was obviously a longer history to her, but he was far from entitled to hear it if she wasn't going to share - he didn't even know her last name.

"Well... I got your things, by the way. So you don't have to worry about that. And I should have some things that fit you back at home." James bit his lip, thought about her bleeding mascara and her sad eyes, then added, "I know this is probably not the time, but I've been told I'm a good listener."

Softly, Ashley chuckled, her voice a bit less weary than before, and a bit less sad. "Maybe tomorrow. I think pouring my heart out to you would be a little easier once I know what you look like."

Right. She hadn't actually seen his face. Usually, that was for the better; he found it easier to deal with the moral and instinctual quandaries with the knowledge that he was just some faceless, oddly benevolent predator. They'd see him afterwards when he let them out, of course, but it's not like they stuck around very long given the chance. Now, though, he was feeling rather regretful for it. There was an odd loss of intimacy that he hadn't even realized he was missing, and he ached for it.

"Tomorrow then." James sat up a bit more, then settled himself in to drive. It was definitely awkward and uncomfortable, but he had plenty of experiencing maneuvering with and around an engorged stomach. It was an uneventful commute, thankfully. He's had to explain himself to a cop once, earlier in his career as a hunter, with a belly full of prey that had been particularly feisty and had only just settled. In his panic to get home, he'd been speeding and had been caught for it. Luckily, he'd gotten off with a warning, but now he followed every single traffic law perfectly after a hunt.

By the time he was home, Ashley had gone more or less limp. He wasn't sure if she was still awake or not, but feeling her relaxed made him feel relaxed. Now, he really just wanted to sleep, even more because his prey seemed to be dozing inside of him. It was his favorite part of the night, the time when the person in his stomach finally settled down and passed out. Even if they had flung vitriol and fought him to exhaustion, they always would seem so delicate and vulnerable like that. It was a softness that he doubted many people would be privy to, and for all that had come before, James still found himself respecting that privilege.

He truly didn't want to hurt anyone. It made him feel terrible, having people struggle until they couldn't anymore. It clawed at him, even long after his prey of the night was gone. He knew they wouldn't be reporting him to the police - "someone ate me, but didn't kill me, then let me go after giving me breakfast and clean clothes" wouldn't exactly fly on a police report. But he did know them as people who probably would never want to see him again, and would avoid him given the chance, and that felt horrible.

If he had a choice, he really would try to find someone he knew to eat on these odd occasions, so they wouldn't be so frightened of him. It was what he'd done for years until he'd been forced to move. With no friends in the area and an unwillingness to risk his job by eating a coworker, he found himself stalking around areas with people he'd probably never see again anyways. He did his best to remind himself that he didn't ask to be born like this, but it was hardly helpful when people wouldn't look him in the eyes in the morning. He hoped Ashley wouldn't be like that.

James hung his keys, then locked his door behind him. The wall clock told him it was around three in the morning; not bad time for heading out around twelve. Then, he pulled off his sweatshirt. Beneath, he could make out Ashley's form more clearly, the way she was curled up within him. He traced the contour of one of her arms, hidden beneath a layer of tanned skin. His shirt rode up, not nearly big enough to reach over his gut, and he pulled that off, too.

With a bit more force, he pet Ashley's head. "You alright in there?"

In reply, Ashley wriggled weakly, muttering something soft enough that James couldn't hear. When she didn't move again with more gentle prodding, he let her be; it'd be rude to wake her up now. Instead, after setting Ashley's purse on his entryway table and her shoes beneath it, he waddled off to his bedroom. Then, he wormed himself out of his jeans into a pair of sweats before burrowing under the covers on his bed.

Despite tonight being comparatively calm, James still found himself drowsy. A full stomach always made him sleepy, even when it wasn't full of a person. When it was, though, it was a foolproof way to knock him out. With Ashley relaxed, too, he had no particular interest in trying to keep his eyes open. He really could only hope she'd be as calm in the morning as she was now.

He slept deeply that night, and dreamlessly. He woke in the morning, to the sound of birdsong and to light streaming in through his window. Yawning, he stretched, pulling loose all the muscles that had stiffened over night. Then, he groped for his phone, which told him it was around ten-thirty in the morning.

He pushed himself upright, scrubbed his eyes of gunk, then turned his eyes downward. "Good morning, if you're awake." He prodded at at Ashley's side.

She wriggled strongly, though not with panic. "Good morning." Her voice was brighter today, and he wondered if she'd been awake all that long before him.

"Freaking out yet?" He rolled out of bed, stretching again to a few satisfying cracks from his spine, then lumbered off to his bathroom.

"Not too much, no." She pressed out with a hand now, in a gentle sort of way he'd not felt before. "Could do with a stretch, though."

"I had the same idea, actually." With a grunt, James sat on the side of his tub. "Please don't fight me here; it's not going to be comfortable, but it'll be over as fast as I can manage."

Then, he clenched his stomach muscles, pushing and squeezing Ashley up and out. Obediently, she didn't struggle, but that didn't make the process particularly pleasant, only easier. He'd felt like he had turned himself inside out by the time he was done, hunched over and panting.

"You know, I'm not quite sure what I expected you to look like. I guess I had someone bigger and buffer in my head."

James glanced upwards. Ashley was analyzing him, clearly taking in his appearance. Between the bedhead and the shirtless, sort of disheveled look, he almost wished he'd had the time to make himself a bit more presentable. Granted, she was currently soaked in his spit, hair and clothes all in disarray, so maybe it was fitting.

Her brain seemed to catch up with what she said, and she hurriedly added, "Not that you look bad. It's just that you were so strong, I'd thought you'd be... bigger."

For a moment, he stared, then chuckled. "That's... probably one of the better reactions I've gotten. Not that I really blame the other people, either."

"I'm the odd one out when it comes to a lot of things," Ashley laughs, and James thought he really liked the sound of it.

He stood up, stretching again. "There are clean towels in the drawer opposite the toilet, and you're free to use anything you find. I'll leave the clothes outside the door, okay?"

Ashley stared at him, tilting her head. "You're awfully nice for a guy who eats people."

"It's the least I can do, I think." James said, and then he left, closing the door behind him.

Back in his bedroom, he dug through his closet and found the simple shirt and set of basketball shorts he'd started keeping around. He set it outside, neatly folded, then made his way to the guest bathroom with his own change of clothes. He showered and dressed quickly, then made his way to the kitchen to start breakfast.

Unsure of her diet, he put on eggs and toast, then diced up a few fruits. The sound of the shower had long stopped, and by the time he was setting the table, shuffling footsteps had started towards him.

Ashley emerged from the doorway significantly more put together than before. Her hair, now clean and dry, sat in a messy bun, and the clothes were only a little bit baggy on her. She seemed surprisingly at home for being in a stranger's house. "Breakfast, too?"

"Eggs, toast, and fruit. I wasn't sure if you ate meat or not. And like I said, it's the least I can do."

"I do eat meat, for what it's worth, but it's probably healthier for me to skip the bacon today," she snorted, then made her way to the table.

"Are you a coffee person or a tea person?" James asked as he grabbed orange juice from the fridge. He was both, personally, but didn't particularly care for either today.

"Usually coffee, but I don't mind some juice today." She glanced around at the sparse decor and furnishings, then said, "Do you live with anyone else?"

"Just me." James set down two full glasses, then the juice carton on the table.

Ashley hummed, then took a sip of her juice. "I guess it would be hard to explain the whole 'I eat people' thing to a roommate."

James snorted, sitting down opposite her at the table. "You'd be surprised. Well, surprised at my last roommate, anyways."

"Another oddball like me?" She raised a brow.

"Most would call him crazy, I think." James sighed. "I'm.. obviously not human. I'm not really sure what I am, honestly. I just know that sometimes I get really hungry. For people."

"For people."

Her tone was amused and not unkind, and he laughed. "It sounds worse when you say it out loud."

"As opposed to when you just eat the person whole?"

That got a belly laugh out of him, and he smiled softly. "I guess it's a lose-lose situation. I told my last roommate - Aaron - and he didn't really believe me until I proved it."

"And I take it that he didn't run?"

"Not even a little. He freaked out a bit, but... well, we'd known each other for years by that point. I guess that helped. If he'd done the same to me, I'd like to think I would give him the benefit of the doubt, too."

Ashley smiled around a piece of honeydew. "He sounds like a good guy."

"He was, yeah."

If she caught his phrasing, Ashley didn't show it. "Thanks for this, by the way," she poked at her half eaten eggs. "I... had a rough night last night. It feels nice to be cared for."

James didn't reply, only giving her his full attention.

"My partner and I split recently. It was... bad. Probably part of why you found me throwing up in an alley alone." She nibbled a bit more at her food. "I really just wanted to get wasted and into a stranger's bed, but I guess I had too much too fast. This was probably closer to what I really needed than a one night stand, though, as strange as it was."

James had never been all that good at verbal comfort, so he reached across the table and offered a hand. She took it, smaller fingers wrapping around his, and they sat like that for a moment before she pulled back.

The rest of breakfast went by over safer conversation topics, like work and hobbies. All the same, James enjoyed her company, and it took Ashley pushing herself back for him to realize that it was probably time for her to leave.

"Let me call you an Uber." offered James as picked up the dirty dishes and carted them to the sink.

Ashley shook her head." It's fine. I scheduled one for myself and it's just about here."

James blinked, feeling oddly disheartened. "Oh."

"I would have loved to stay, really, but my cat probably misses me by now." Ashley smiled. "He's always been clingy."

James smiled back. "Then at least let me escort you out."

He followed her out into the hall, where she grabbed her purse and slipped back into her heels. Then, she turned back to him and hugged him. He startled, then hesitantly hugged her back. He still wasn't so sure about any of this, but it seemed to be working out okay.

Out of the window, he saw a car pull into his driveway, and Ashley pulled away from him. "That's my ride," she said, pulling open the front door. "Maybe we'll see each other again sometime."

James waved as she left. "Fingers crossed."

That odd bereft feeling came back as she closed the door behind her, and as he locked it. He would miss her the most, and could really only hope they really did see each other again.

He turned to make his way back to the kitchen, and caught sight of a note he didn't remember leaving on the entryway table.

Written neatly on it was a phone number, and a message: "Call me. Maybe we can get drinks inside the club this time. - Ash."

Maybe he really would be seeing her again.

[partyanimal167]

Helping Hand Pt 2-Grimmjow X Reader

Part One

So~ I decided to continue this idea a little bit. I just enjoy a cocky Grimmjow who has a bit of a sweet spot he doesn't quite understand.

CW: Canon AU, sfw, fluff, black!fem!reader

You really had no idea what was going on. You wanted to ignore the loud sounds, but then, you heard such a familiar voice.

It was beginning to get harder to ignore. For years, you heard random screeches, swords clashing, and flashes of people in odd uniforms. Those moments were far between, but they still stuck with you. Now, it felt as if you were being watched but you didn't want to give yourself away.

You stretched as you stood from your seat in the library. The research was progressing well, but you did feel overwhelmed at times. You worried about your studies as well as the ones of those who looked towards you for guidance. Things could get hectic and overwhelming, but there was a new, interesting something that was adding a unique type of excited to life.

You learned rather quickly that Grimmjow was a rowdy person. He was loud and upfront, but he seemed interested in you and your studies. He was surprised by the complexity of medical science and specifically the process of intensive care. He liked the medical stories from doctors in the military--those that had to find solutions when resources were scarce.

He was a rough character, and more than once, you were shocked at some of the things you had to correct him on. You had yet to hear where he was from; you've been meaning to ask Ichigo about it actually.

Grimmjow still helped you whenever you needed it, and there were some others that came to volunteer after hearing about a loud man who'd snap at students who weren't paying attention or getting obvious answers wrong. A handsome, loud man.

You chuckled as you walked down the stairs and started heading home. Getting to know Grimmjow's personality was fun. He continued to be complex and layered in a way that was just different than others. You were hoping to hang out with him soon once this project was closer to being completed. You didn't only want to hang on days when he helped out. It was nice that he stuck around to clean or relax by your side, but you wanted to know what his interests and hobbies were.

You jumped in your skin after hearing the loudest shriek in awhile. You felt something dark and close by. You looked around but couldn't see anything near you. The area was mostly deserted since it was late. You wondered if you could make it home safely without running into those things. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. Y/n, things are fine. We have nothing to worry about. We'll just-

The earth shook, and you fell on your behind quickly. You stared up in shock as one of those masked creatures looked down on you. It was almost as tall as the surrounding buildings. You knew that dark energy was emitting from it; it felt like the atmosphere was pushing on you a bit. You slowly stood up--praying you could just book it home and forget about this night. You somehow avoided a confrontation all these years.

The creature moved its head back and red gather in its mouth.

You were about to push up to stand, but you froze as the pressure increased heavily. You heard foot steps and a yawn.

"Damn, where are those stupid shinigami at? I cant have my fun fighting, but they're slacking off." Grimmjow looked up bored. He rested an arm on his sword's hilt. "This isn't even worth Panthera's time." He yawned again before holding his hand out and firing a cero. He watched as the top half of the hollow combusted then the other dissipate into the night sky. "Tch, couldn't even get a decent meal from that." He looked over casually and was expecting to see your confused form slowly get up before running home.

Instead, he met saucers for eyes and your frozen body. "H-"

"Oh my god! Why is there a bone sticking out your face!"

Really? Was that the first thing you wanted to know?

"Wait, you can see me?" Grimmjow tilted his head slightly.

You ran your hands down your face. "What do you mean? You literally have a bone out and a sword, Grimmjow. Yes! Are you okay?"

"Oi woman, stop yelling. I'm fine; this is how I'm supposed to look." Grimmjow pinched the bridge of his nose. "Fuck...whatever, are you okay?"

"Peachy." You squeaked out. It was quiet for a moment. It seemed as you both didn't know how to approach the conversation. "You're outfit is different than the other guys I see."

Grimmjow shrugged. "I ain't like those damn shinigami. They should be doing their job. I wouldn't have bothered but you were in trouble."

You blushed and scratched your cheek. "Yeah...wait, so were you stalking me?" You blurted out.

Grimmjow jumped at the accusation and turned away. "What! No, I was...just in the area."

You folded your arms and nodded slowly. "Mmhm just in the area in your not-human form." You retorted. You chuckled which stopped an impeding argument. "You can just walk me home, Grimmjow."

The man sent you an annoyed glare before walking past you. "Whatever, let's go."

~~~

It took A LOT of explaining to do, but you came to some sort of understanding. It somewhat made sense that Grimmjow was this semi-reforming violent creature who hung out in the human world whenever. He had some oddball day job that gave him the money he blew on your lunch hangouts. He couldn't really explain the increase in "hollow" activity, but he just said he'd walk you home and keep you safe. You weren't complaining.

So maybe, the library was a bit louder than it should be at night. Someone had to make sure the undergrads paid attention to your tutoring. One student, though, was not intimidated.

"What are you doing here?" Ichigo frowned breaking the silence while the three of you were in a study room.

"Learning." Grimmjow grunted as he glared back. He had his arms folded and leaned against the wall besides you. You kept going over your junior's work.

"Learning what? You don't even go here!" Ichigo grumbled. He was still surprised that Grimmjow was keeping up with whatever relationship you two had. It didn't revolve around fighting or causing chaos. Of course, Ichigo knew there was more to him than that but still...very odd.

"Grimmjow's getting ready to take the entrance exam." You added in casually. You marked a few things and nodded approvingly. "I'm helping him study."

Ichigo was dumbstruck. "Entrance exam?"

There was that signature grin. "Yeah, I'm gonna be a nurse."

What was the world coming to?

~~~~

(Grimmjow's becoming a nurse to one day work with you).

Thanks for reading! I really feel like Grimmjow would just do whatever to explore this new human world. Plus there's a lot of risks and adrenaline in the medical world.

Requests are open! I'll get around to making a rules/guidelines post eventually.

[ashsomethingart]

Good evening my loves!

I hit a bürnøut wall pretty hard a couple days ago, and it’s been a rough one. I’m gonna have to power through recovering and get back to work soon, because rent is coming up fast, but I wanted to take a moment to talk about this issue.

As all of you may know, I’m a 100% independent artist. I don’t work for a company, instead I work for all of you who order commissions from me.

That being the case, it comes with a lot of work that people don’t ever see. This month has brought some absolutely phenomenal changes to me in the form of tech/setup which will make some parts of the process a lot faster and easier, but the reality of what I do is that 95% of my job is not art, and all of that side and back-end work can be soul crushing.

I’ve talked about it in the past, but to upkeep what I do I have to do constant commission hunting, create marketing materials and maintain a constant social media presence, continuously update my portfolio, constantly learn new techniques and art programs, as well as keep up with doing the art, planning and completing my personal projects, keep my merch and print shops up to date, and so forth.

My biggest roadblock as an independent artist is having no base income; meaning a consistent amount of money I get at regular intervals. Every dollar I make is either from commissions or tips, and currently I can work upwards of 100 hours in a week without earning a single dollar, because none of that 100 hours ends up being art that has been paid for, but work to help me BRING IN new paid work.

It’s incredibly rough on me and I’m always on the lookout for ways to make it easier; I tend to go through this ebb and flow of doing 1-2 months of work with a crazy amount of output that ends in 2-3 weeks of intense burnout where I’m totally nonfunctional, then come back to the grind.

I do not have a social life. I wake you to work and I tend to work until I crash for the day, then rinse and repeat.

Not having a base income means I can’t plan for savings. I can’t set aside money for upgrades to my business; I have no emergency funds. If any single thing goes wrong I can be set back by months.

It also means that every month, when the 1st rolls around I have to make a mad dash to the finish line to meet rent and I never know if I’m going to have it all in time or not.

The last two months I was on time, but for around 6 months prior to that I was over a week late.

When I explain all of this, most people fall back on that argument of “Well why don’t you get a real job” and I’m not going to explain my reasoning here but suffice to say; I can’t. It’s this or nothing for me.

All of that said, I have a business plan for myself that hinges on all of you; the start of that plan is (and has been) to build myself up a base income that I can rely on every month, and once I have that, start expanding what I do.

It’s no secret that I have big plans that don’t seem to go anywhere, and the reason they don’t is because I’m CONSTANTLY grinding trying to upkeep my bills and rent, and I have no energy to put into those plans.

I want to move forward with my tarot decks.

I want to start a new endeavor that I’m calling Something Strange. I want to start actually publishing my webcomics.

But I’m not fortunate like some artists who somehow manage to land the startup funds I would need to be able to focus on just those things. I currently HAVE to rely on commissions while slowly building my base income up.

Which is where I come to my point.

I was on Patreon for ages, and I did fairly well there; however it was really only pocket change I managed to get from that platform and I got hit with a warning every few months because they didn’t agree with my content.

Eventually, I left Patreon and founded my VIP Funpass membership, which I host right through my website.

I need to build this membership up to the point where I’m making at least $800 a month on it, and I’m asking you all to support me in that endeavor. Please.

On the VIP Funpass you choose how much you pledge each month: I have four tiers; $5, $10, $25 and $50.

In the past I’ve gone on about what YOU get if you join up, but you can find all the info about it on my website.

If I can build my VIP Funpass memberships up to the point where I am making $800 a month through my site, and only my site, that covers my site ent ($675), my phone bill ($50) and my Internet bill ($25) plus the fee my seller platform takes.

It will remove around 80% of my daily stress and help me stop needing to grind myself to burnout.

This will mean I can put more focus on finishing commissions, cut my turnaround time in half, and allow me to divert energy into my passion projects.

So, I’m asking everyone who follows me to consider subscribing to my VIP Funpass Membership; the way I see it is, for the same cost as a single fast food meal every month you can help me change my life for the better; support an independent artist and help fight back against AI image generators all in one go.

So, do with all of that info what you will; if you want to learn more about the VIP Funpass Membership you can check it out here.

[britswriting]

Devotion (18)

Devotion Masterlist

Read on wattpad

T/W: Self harm! - not graphic detail, just a little brief thought process explanation that can be triggering!

C/W: brief smut

*Leighton's POV*

The anxiety I felt as I waited at the restaurant table for Colby felt completely unknown.

I couldn't sit still for the life of me. I was convinced I looked like a crazy person as I fiddled with my straw, my leg constantly bouncing and my thumb endlessly scrolling through my phone.

What if I was making the wrong choice?

With us selling my parents house, I decided it was time to grow up and move back in with Colby; after all, if we were going to make this relationship work, and actually raise a family together, it would be extremely useful if we were under the same roof. The only thing is I had a few rules I wanted to enforce first; and the idea of telling Colby what those things were was honestly making my heart beat out of my chest.

On top of my feeling like I was running for my life, all whilst sitting at this booth, Colby was running late.

I resisted the urge I had to text him, by texting Aaliyah a few times, wanting to see when she was free to meet up, or even just open to a phone call, but it was complete radio silence on her end.

Half an hour later than we agreed on, I was starting to get fed up, hitting call on Colby's contact only for him to finally walk through the restaurant door.

"I'm so sorry" He immediately apologized, sliding into the booth across from me.

"You're half an hour late, Colby" I huffed, leaning back against the booth.

"I know, and I apologize. I left the house late and then I hit traffic, I'm sorry" he explained and I licked my lips, nodding as I reached for my drink, Colby wiggling a little in his seat, "You're mad" he sighed. "I didn't mean to be late, I swear"

"I'm not mad" I mumbled, setting my drink back down, "I'm just irritated. Waiting is one thing, waiting half an hour is another. Especially when you're anxious about what you want to discuss, and everyone at the restaurant is sending you pity looks because it looks like you're being stood up on on a date"

"I'm sorry" he repeated.

"It's fine. Let's just order" I replied softly, my foot tapping against the worn tile.

"You haven't ordered?" Colby asked, sounding surprised, and maybe even a little guilty, "Leighton, you didn't have to wait for me"

"I didn't know you were going to be half an hour late. It's fine, I wanted to eat with you anyway"

We both ordered our food, Colby asking how Gemma's been and if we've continued our preschool search to which I informed him that I put in a few applications but I wasn't sure if any of them were really going to work out.

I also mentioned that I had put in my two weeks notice at my fast food job since I landed a new position working at a retail store that had better pay; to which he congratulated me on.

"At least you're out of the shitty fast food field" he muttered quickly, glancing around causing me to giggle.

"It wasn't too bad. I mean, I wasn't dealing with all the costumers really anymore, it's just... the smell, and being pregnant.. it was rough. With the new job, sure I start a little lower on the totem pole, but I plan to keep this job whilst I go through my first few years of college" I started to explain, Colby's brow furrowing.

"Your first few years of college? You're finally doing that?" he asked and I nodded slowly, "Not to uh, sound unsupportive, but how do you plan to manage having a four year old, a newborn, a new career and go to school? You're going to get burnt out Leighton"

I felt my walls start to quickly build up as I took a deep breath, reminding myself to listen to him.

I understood where he was coming from, it was a lot.. but what, was I just supposed to put these things on hold because I have kids? Many people accomplish these goals with families, why couldn't I?

"I'll figure it out" I shrugged, Colby giving me a weird look.

"I understand that... but doesn't it seem just a little bit.. uh, out of reach? A little in over your head?" He asked, a frown tugging on my lips.

"I need to go school Colby. I want to go to school. I want to feel accomplished in that way"

"I understand. When do you plan on signing up?" he asked.

"Well, I was thinking not for a little bit. I mean, I don't want to miss a lot of school when I'm in labor, and I know the newborn days will be rough.. so I was thinking maybe when she's a few months old? Gemma was in hopefully preschool, or some sort of afternoon activity? I wasn't thinking like starting tomorrow, if that's your concern"

By the time our food arrived, Colby and I ate a little bit before he finally asked, "So what is it that has you're anxiety acting up? I didn't think I was that nerve racking to talk to"

"It's not that I'm nervous to talk to you" I chuckled, "It's just.. to be honest, I'm nervous of making the wrong decision. I don't necessarily have the most perfect track record" I stated, Colby snickering at me, slipping the pickle off of his plate and onto mine.

"Just tell me. We can figure it out together, but I can't help if I don't know what you're worried about"

I sighed, taking a deep breath, flicking the salt from the fries off of my fingers before letting my eyes find his, "So you know how my dad's decided to sell the house?" I started, Colby nodding, "Well, it got me thinking about how uh, um, I kinda.. need a place to sleep, ya know?" I nervously laughed, "So I was thinking.. maybe G and I could move back in?" I slowly got out, Colby's eyes widening a little as his lips parted.

"You're serious?"

"Well.. yeah. Is that... is that okay?"

"Leighton! That's more than okay! That's all I've wanted. Oh my god, you're not joking, right?" He had me reconfirm, my head shake making a boyish grin show up on his face, "When are you planning on moving back in? Do you need help? I'm willing to help" he quickly rattled, the 0 to 100 energy taking me by surprise.

"I don't know yet, I need to figure it all out. I was uh— Okay, listen to my full sentence before you get too excited" I started, Colby's eyes narrowing a little as he nodded. "I would like to start the process of looking into buying a house. Or lease is coming to an end of December, so instead of renewing.. I was thinking.. we could buy a house together? I want to test the waters a little bit when we first move back in before jumping into the deep end, but that's where my head has been at. I just.. I want to start building our life together properly. I want to start with a house. I mean, our apartment is getting quite cramped, Colby. The room that is currently your office would have to become the nursery, which isn't fair to you. We don't have space for if Sam wanted to come stay with us, or when Gemma starts having sleepovers. I just really want us to have more space. More area to live in. I want to start getting ready with a nursery, and putting together a real space to call our own. A space where we can paint the walls, and change our fixtures" I rambled, the grin never falling off of Colby's face as he nodded at what I was saying.

"You're nesting" he chimed in, my eyes rolling, even though I knew he was right. "So step one, you move back in, step two, we look for a house" He nodded, making me laugh.

"So you're on board?"

"Are you kidding? I'm more than on board, Leighton! I'm driving fucking ship! You're coming back home! Gemma's coming back home! I'm so—" he paused, his head shaking out of disbelief, my cheeks becoming tight from the smile on my face.

"Ah ah" I tsked, shaking my head, "Don't get too ahead of yourself. I have uh, rules, I want you and me to follow" I warned, Colby freezing.

"Rules?"

"Mhm" I hummed, "The first one I'm not willing to change my mind on" I continued, watching the apprehensiveness tense up his muscles.

"Okay..."

"I want a sober house." I stated, chewing on my lower lip as my leg bounced a little, waiting for his reaction.

"A sober house?" He repeated, myself nodding, "Like, drinking?"

"And drugs"

His forehead wrinkled, "I don't do drugs"

"But I do. I said you and me. Not just you. I want us both to agree to this"

"Okay... I uh, I can do that" He nodded, surprising me that there was no push back.

"Really? You're not gonna argue with me?"

"Leighton, you're worth more to me than alcohol. If anything, drinking has really ruined both of our lives. I want you, and Gemma, way more than I do a beer, or whiskey"

"A sober house means a sober house though, Colby" I repeated, "That means if Sam comes over, there is no drinking in our house"

I watched realization appear on his face, my stomach dropping.

Is this where we're going to have problems?

"Like.. forever?" He asked and I nodded slowly, afraid of everything crumbling beneath me.

"At least for now" I settled, feeling like I was walking on a rickety bridge with a few loose boards, really clutching onto my life with every inhale that Colby took.

"For now? What does that mean?"

"I don't want to limit you forever. I just, I don't want it in our house for now. For a while. I don't want the temptations or the reminders whilst I continue to work on becoming confident in my willpower of recovery. I want to say goodbye to the substances that have ruined my life. Plus, with your recent track record of a DUI, I just don't want it to be available under our roof. That doesn't mean you can't go out to the bar, or drink at someone else's house, I just.. well, if you do that, I'd really like you to confirm with someone who isn't going, even if that's just me, to come get you. I don't want you to have any chance to get another DUI, whether you think you're capable or not. I just worry, is all..." I sighed, Colby nodding, a guilty look in his eye as his shoulders slumped.

"I'm sorry I've caused you to worry. That was never intention"

"I know, I just.. I don't want the opportunity to drink alone, or on a whim to be available. Nothing good has come from it"

"I'm willing to try. It's kind of habit to buy alcohol just have on hand" He said and I nodded, understanding what he meant since he normally drank with his friends. "Is that your only rule? No substances?" He asked and I shrugged, playing around a little bit with my food.

"I want us to take our meds together"

His brow furrowed, "You don't trust me?"

"At this moment? No. But, then we both know. I know you took your anti depressant and you know I've taken my shit load of pregnancy vitamins and my own anxiety medication. It's not like I'm just standing there and making sure you've swallowed it" I giggled, "I just thought maybe, to ease both our mines, we make it a habit that we do it together each morning" I did a small shoulder shrug, Colby nodding slowly.

"I can try. You'll have to remind me"

"Okay, I can do that. One more thing" I held up my finger, Colby's head tilting. "I want us to start our mornings off together with Gemma, and finish our evenings together. I want her to see us as a unit. A family. I understand we have work, and it's easier said than done, but whether it's a quick phone call, or whatever.. I just want us to figure it out. I really want us both to be there for her; especially since we have another little one on the way. I don't want it to be Leighton Fox and Colby Brock. I want Leigh and Colby. Does that make sense?"

"That's harder for me to agree to due to how long some of our nights can get, especially with us traveling out of town. I think we need to reconsider the whole morning and night thing if I'm gone. That's a lot harder to swing when I'm working" His lips pursed, my own rolling into a thin line.

"I just don't want Gemma, or myself to feel forgotten about when you're working. We've gone so long without each other that I don't want to continue to walk in our old habits. I can tell you right now I'm going to need a lot of help with this baby, and Gemma. You can't work as much when the baby is born. Gemma was hard. I mean, you know that" I pointed out, remembering when he had babysat her for me when I went back to rehab, "But it's going to be a lot harder now that she'll be going to school and becoming more of a real person and less of a little blob attached to my hip, plus having a new baby. I just want us to be on the same page"

"Why do you think I don't want to be a part of this family?" He suddenly asked, catching me off guard.

"What? Is that a rhetorical question?" I asked, Colby shaking his head, "What do you mean?"

"Everything you're saying, you're saying it like I'm joining the family. Not creating the family. I feel like I'm your friend whose helping out with Gemma again, rather than your fiancé who is biologically the father of your unborn child"

"I apologize if that's how it sounded. I just wanted us to be on the same page considering we haven't been under the same roof in a while, and the last time we were didn't go to well"

Colby agreed to do his best, the two of us finishing our lunch as we discussed when I would move back in, Colby hesitantly agreed with me when I told him I wanted to help my dad with packing and cleaning up the house so it was able to be listed on the market.

~

"Put that down!" I shrieked, Colby going through my old school projects my mom had tossed in a box under the stairs.

"What? It's cute" He laughed, shaking the kindergarten art project that was a paper plate with googley eyes and pipe cleaners.

"I can't believe she kept that" I huffed, setting my box of old school papers to the side.

"You're telling me you want to throw this out? Look at it's eyes!" He shook the plate.

"No!"

"Look into it's eyes and tell it you don't want it" He moved the plate closer to me, my nose wrinkling.

"I don't want it!"

"Leigh, we can't just throw away your entire childhood" He chuckled, tossing the old art project into one of the trash bags.

"Well we can't keep everything. Where are we going to put it in the apartment?" I asked, trying to hold back my smug smile.

"We can put them in a storage locker, you know?" he mentioned, "If we're buying a house, there is going to be room for your sentimental things. You don't have to throw them all out. Do you plan on just getting rid of all these memories?" he asked, grabbing another art project.

"I just figured they'd be taking up space. Do you have your old projects?" I asked, moving onto another bin.

"I think my mom has them" he chuckled, my lips pursing as I glanced up at him.

"And you're giving me shit?"

"I wasn't giving you shit, you're just getting rid of like everything"

"Well I don't know what I want to keep, so might as well" I shrugged, shoving another bin out of the way once I realized it was Logan's shit.

"What are you doing?" Gemma's tiny slightly slurred voice asks, her little body peering over my shoulder.

"We're going through mommy's childhood stuff, want to help?" I asked, Gemma shaking her head making me laugh.

"What do you think of mommy's old project?" Colby asked, holding up yet another art project I didn't remember.

"Looks silly" she giggled, Colby handing it to her, "Momma make dis?"

"Mhm"

"Mommy's gotten better" She giggled, my jaw dropping in offense.

"You don't think this is good? I was like eight when I made this!" I fake shrieked, swiping the paper of dried water colored paint from her.

"Messy!" she giggled, pointing at my work, my jaw still dropped but I stayed quiet, shaking my head as her and Colby conversed about another art project.

Gemma stayed with us for a little bit before running off when Harper got here, Logan having come over to go through his own bins of shit.

"Think Lexi will come do hers?" He asked, a few containers of her stuff getting shoved towards the stairs.

"I don't fucking know. For all I know she's never speaking to me again" I huffed, sliding my now gone through bin over to Colby.

"I guess Landon has heard from her? I don't know much more than that" He informed, speaking again when I stayed quiet, "Leighton? You alright?"

I swallowed the emotions that were building in my throat, nodding, "It just sucks, that's all" I replied quietly, pulling out a folder of old tests that had all sorts of different grades on them, tossing the entire folder into the trash pile.

"Woah, what was all that?" Colby asked, the loud thud catching his attention.

"My old tests, I don't know why she kept those" I snickered, "I mean, a lot of them were from like middle, high school"

"Oh I need to see these. What kind of student was Leighton Fox?" Colby rhetorically asked, picking up the worn red folder that had faded edged due to it being a $2 cardboard folder from a decade ago.

"B....B plus... C minus... d plus?" His eyebrow raised at me, pulling out one of my math sheets to show Logan and I the bright red D- written on the top with a circle around it.

"Shut up, I wasn't good at math, leave me alone!" I defended, Colby chuckling as he continued to dig through the papers, reading off all of my different grades, "A plus in science?" his eyebrow raised.

"And?"

"You're a science nerd, huh?"

"Why? Because one paper from the seventh grade has an A plus? I probably cheated on it anyway" I snickered, Logan tsking. "Shut up! You cheated all the time! None of us have math genes and you got all A's all the fucking time" I rolled my eyes, Logan faking offense, "I did not"

"You did too! You were too busy tryna get into Miranda's pants"

"She was hot and a cheerleader!" He defended himself, my eyes rolling as Colby snickered.

"You thought all cheerleaders were hot, but didn't dare look at the other jock kids. You were shallow in high school. Glad Cynthia changed your ways" I teased, Logan's eyes rolling.

"What's this?" Colby asked, stopping our augmented banter.

"What's what?"

"This" Colby turned a piece of paper around.

"Oh" I stated, my eyes locked on the photo in front of me.

"That's Lex and Leigh" Logan answered for me, Colby's brow furrowed as he turned the photo back around.

"That's Leighton?" he confirmed, Logan nodding.

"Mom had us get professional photos done when the twins were babies. They made a whole day out of it and Leighton was so crabby the entire car ride because she skipped her nap" Logan snickered, "And I remember having to feed her some of my snacks so she'd stop crying and waking the babies. She never paid me back" He cocked an eyebrow, turning to look at me.

"Whatever" my eyes rolled, "You were just as annoying"

"Oh yeah? I bet you don't even remember that day" he shot back, my eyes narrowing.

"You were these ugly blue suspenders that you threw a fit about because mom wanted you to wear the gray ones so you'd match; but your blue ones had Batman on them"

"Do you have more photos of you as a toddler?" Colby asked, glancing around the mess we had created.

"Mom has a few photo albums, why?" I asked.

"I just, I never realized how much you look like Gemma"

My head shook, "Really? I don't see it"

"You had blonde hair as a toddler, so does she. Granted, it's started to darken a little bit" he turned the photo back around, "But you guys look very similar"

"She has a lot of Gabe's features though" I shrugged, hoping Logan doesn't go dig out the family albums considering he also has embarrassing photos in there.

Colby got quiet, the silence lingering as I shoved a box titled "Logan's High School CDs" towards him, pulling out another that was labeled "Leighton + Lexi baby clothes" piquing my interest as I lifted the lid, Colby's throat cleared; "Do you think our baby will look like you? You and Gem?" He asked, my hands pulling out different articles of clothes.

"Hm?" I hummed, looking up at him.

"I asked if you thought our baby will look like you girls"

I shrugged, "I mean, I think G looks like her dad, so maybe our baby will look like you. Just take my genes out of the equation completely" I snickered, Colby shaking his head.

"I want my baby to look just like you. I want all your genes, even the crazy ones" he grinned, my jaw dropping.

"Hey!"

"You're beautiful, Leighton. Our girls would be lucky to look like you. I honestly want our littlest one to have your beautiful eyes and smile"

"Yours are just as pretty, she's lucky either way" I complimented back, Logan fake gagging making us laugh. "Was this mine or Lexi's? Do you remember?" I asked Logan, pulling out an old baby dress.

"Was probably both of yours"

"I'm keeping this for the little one" I murmured, setting it aside and pulling out another, "Oh my god look at these little overalls"

"That has you written all over it" Logan laughed, my smile widening as I stared down at it, wishing I had found this box sooner when Gemma was a baby.

"I can't wait to dress our baby in cute things" I sighed, Colby grabbing my accumulating pile of clothes and putting them into one of our keep bags.

"Have you guys thought any more about baby names? Cynthia said it was quite the hot topic lately"

"Gemma suggested the name Rosie, and I agreed to humor her, but that isn't happening" I chuckled, grunting as I pushed myself up onto my knees; Colby grabbing my hand to help steady me.

"We like the name Zoe and Riley. We've tossed around Parker and Collette" Colby said, Logan nodding along.

"I don't like the way Collette sounds with Brock. That's our problem" I began, "Colby's got such an annoying last name that making names sound good is a struggle"

"Leighton's just overly picky is the real problem"

"Oh whatever, you hated my name ideas. Don't act like you're easy to please either" I scoffed.

"We thought about naming Harper, Melanie" Logan chimed in, surprising me.

"Really? Why?"

"Family name for Cynthia"

"Ah" I turned to face Colby, "Do you have any good family names?"

"I mean, my mom would die if we named our baby after her, but uh.. I don't really want to do that" he chuckled, his cheeks tinting pink.

"To be fair, Lesa is hard to use for a middle name — Oh! Speaking of your parents!"

"Oh god" Colby groaned.

"Your dad is trying to talk me into moving to Arizona"

"What?" Colby asked, his face scrunching up, "Why?"

"They want us to be closer for their grandbaby"

He was quiet for a moment before asking, "Do you want to?"

"What? Move to Arizona?" I questioned, Colby nodding, "God no, but I didn't know how to tell him that. I kind of just shrugged and moved on..."

"I don't want to move to Arizona either. If they want to be closer to the grandkids, they gotta come our way" Colby chuckles, "You'd murder me if I dragged you somewhere even hotter"

"You guys are moving?" Logan asked, looking between Colby and I.

"We were talking about it" I informed my brother, Colby nodding.

"Out of state?"

"Uh.. no? I don't know. I don't really want to leave mom"

"Well whatever you decide to do, factor in how long it takes for you to visit because I can't live without my niece"

"What about me?!"

"I've had you around my neck for 20 years" He teased, Colby snickering when I scoffed.

"You're both mean" I huffed, making an attempt to get up off the floor, pushing away the helpful hands before finally giving in, groaning and glaring at Colby as I tried to walk away, his hand keeping hold of mine as he pulled me back into him; "I could never get enough of you Leighton Rae" he murmured, pulling me in for a kiss, groaning when I turned my face so his lips met my cheek instead.

"Daaamn! Someone's in the dog house!" Logan laughed, my hand going behind my back to flip him off, wiggling out of Colby's hold and walking off.

I flicked on the bathroom light, jumping when I saw Colby standing behind me in the mirror.

"You've got to stop meeting me in the bathroom" I panted, my heart beating out of my chest.

He laughed, moving to wrap his arms under my own, clasping around my stomach, "Are you mad at me?" he hummed against my ear, resting his chin on my shoulder as we watched each other in the mirror.

"No"

"Why'd you walk off?"

"I've been sitting for over an hour. Shit hurts. You try carrying the baby next time" I sighed, leaning back to rest my head against his shoulder.

"I'm sorry you're in pain, I wish I could make it better; but it'll all be worth it, I promise"

"Can I ask you something?" I asked softly, chewing on my lower lip, watching the way his eyes flickered between one of my nervous habits and the wary settling in my eyes.

"Always"

"Did you think I'd be a good mother?"

I watched the way his lips pursed slightly, his brows pulling inwards as he took a breath through his nose; "What makes you ask that?" he asked, the pit forming in my stomach.

"Well, you didn't like me... and then you found out I was pregnant.. and you kinda.. came to my rescue? Did you worry? That I was like.. a bad person or something? I just... sometimes I feel like I don't deserve this. Like I don't deserve her, and maybe she would be happier with a different family. Maybe I don't love her enough. Maybe I'm not enough, ya know? I'm quite fucked up, ya know?" I slightly joked, my eyes filling with tears, causing them to flutter shut in hopes he didn't notice the waterfall that was threatening to cascade down my quivering chin.

"Baby, you're more than enough. You can't sit here asking what if. Gemma smiles and laughs all day long. She has a roof over her head. A warm dinner on the table every night. She gets a goodnight kiss and her blankets tucked in around her, keeping her safe from all the monsters that you swear aren't there, every night. Just because you have a past, that doesn't mean you can't change and grow. You're a wonderful mother in your own way, just like everyone else. There is no perfect mother, but you're perfect to me"

"That's nice and all, but that didn't answer my question" I chuckled, a tear rolling down my face, my hand quickly swiping it away, Colby frowning.

"Why are you crying?"

"Because that's what I know how to do best" I joked again, sniffling as my eyes squeezed shut, wanting it to stop.

"Talk to me baby" He urged softly, turning me around so we were face to face, his hands coming up to cradle my face, causing me to keep my eyes on him.

The longer the thoughts whirled around in my head, the more my eyes begin to sting as a struggled sob escaped past my lips, the tightness in my throat becoming too much to handle as I wobbled out, "Sometimes I think I'm not the reason people stick around" the tears falling quick, the heat of them causing warmth to spread around my red cheeks; the glistening streaks bringing a frown to Colby's face.

"Is this about the joke Logan made earlier? — Leighton, you know he was kidding. You guys are siblings. You love each other more than I can even understand"

"But what if the words hold more weight than I know?" I worried, my insecurity beginning to spread like a mental pandemic as I started to question everyone's place in my life.

"Leigh" he sighed, "You are loved. You are wanted. You're enough. I want you. Logan wants you. Your dad wants you. Your mom wants you. Your daughters want you—"

"But what about Kat, huh? Or Aaliyah? What about them? What about Lexi? What if my parents are letting me in because of Gemma? What if they still think I'm this fucked up kid who's ruining their life, but they want Gemma to have a good life, so they're keeping her shitty mother around" Colby's eyes showed confusion as I continue to ramble; "What if I fuck up again, and again, and again, and again? Then what? It's bound to happen, Colby! I'm going to lose my daughter one day and I just.." my face scrunched up as a sound of agony filled the bathroom.

"You're not going to lose her, Leighton. You're doing everything in your power to keep her. You are worthy of her Leighton. I don't care what your mind is telling you. It's not true. — Wait, is this why you want a sober house?" he asked, my head shaking.

"I can't get her into preschool, Colby" my hoarse voice spoke out, "I'm already failing her"

"You're not failing her, Leighton. She doesn't need to go to preschool. Everything she learns at preschool, she can learn at home" he tried to reassure me as my head shook in disagreement.

"I'm scared" I quietly confessed, sniffling again, my nose turning pink as my hand wiped across it.

"Of what?"

"This baby"

I watched his body tense, before falling as his eyes flickered with worry.

"The baby? Why?"

"I don't want to repeat history, Colby"

"Repeat history, how?"

My eyes squeezed shut as the burn began to get warmer; "I hate myself for this" I spoke through a clenched jaw.

"Leighton?"

"Maybe you're right" I started, opening my eyes but keeping them away from his blue ones.

"About?"

"About... about.. about me being in over my head"

"Leighton" he sighed, my head starting to shake again.

"Do you think I'm selfish?" I asked softly, Aaliyah's words ringing through my ears louder than ever.

Colby stayed quiet for a second too long, my lips forming into a tight line as I nodded, my finger wiping under my water line as I pushed past him, biting my lip to prevent the sound of my cries from escaping.

I scurried down to the basement, softly closing the door, crawling into my bed as I stared at the ceiling, tears rolling down my cheeks.

My hands rested over my bump, a larger lump forming in my throat as my mind began to spiral.

Would we still be together if I wasn't pregnant?

Would Colby's family like me if I wasn't having his baby?

Did I even deserve to have this baby?

Flashes of Gemma as a newborn flickered through my brain like an old movie; Gabriel's harsh words as I poured my breast milk down the drain. Gemma's constant crying and my lack of bonding with her feels like a heavy weight on my chest.

I knew Gabe's mother was right.

I would always be a fuck up. I mean, you can't exactly never be an addict ever again. One drink always turns into two; one blow one time turning into a lifetime of dependency to the point that I can't even properly care for my children.

I've always had the thought in the back of my head that Katrina only stuck around me because I was having Gemma... but what about everyone else? What about Colby?

Colby didn't even like me until he learned I was pregnant.

Did his instincts kick in like Sam? Like Kat? The need to protect this baby from its own mother?

Do people only stick around to catch my children when I fall?

Am I a forever fucked up mess like I've been made out to be? Am I truly so selfish that I can ruin lives? Lose friends? Relationships? Become dependent on substances?

How often do I say "I" instead of, "You" or "We"?

The feeling of a sharp warm sting caught my attention, my eyes frantically looking towards where the feeling came from, watching blood trickle down my arm.

My thumb swiped the blood away, my fingers adding pressure to the wound as I winced, cursing myself out for mindlessly causing myself harm when the bedroom door opened, Colby walking in and shutting it behind him.

It didn't take long for his eyes to find my wrist, his shoulders falling, "Leighton" he whispered, "What happened?"

"I don't mean to be self absorbed, I'm sorry" I whimpered, the bed dipping as Colby kneeled on it, moving his thighs to rest against my knees.

"Baby, you're not self absorbed. You're just scared, and that's okay. Why did you hurt yourself?"

"I didn't know it was happening until there was already blood" I shamefully confessed, "Felt like I deserved it though" I mumbled, my eyes squeezing shut as shame raced through my veins.

Just another one of Leighton's self absorbed, attention seeking episodes...

"Leighton, look at me" Colby's stern voice pulled my eyes open, his face blurred, "You feel this?" he asked, his hand moving to twist my engagement ring slightly on my finger, my head nodding, "I put this here, because I love you. Not because I want to save you. Not because I think you're destined to doom. I asked you to marry me, because I love you. I want you. I want a life with you. I want you to have my children and be their mom. I want you to be my spouse. Be my rock. Be someone who can keep me in line and hold me accountable. You feel this?" His hand moved down to my bump, softly caressing the skin, my head nodding again, "This beautiful bump that keeps our precious baby safe was put there out of love. Out of want. She may have been a surprise, but she will never be a mistake. Gemma isn't a mistake. You are not a mistake. You make mistakes but you are not one. No one is waiting to watch you fall. No one is sticking around only because of your children. This time, can I ask you something?" he asked, my head nodding slowly. "Are your tattoos hiding your secrets?" He asked, his hands moving to hold my wrists above my hand, his thumbs running over my wrists; my lip quivering as my eyes widened, telling him everything he needed to know; "You, Leighton Rae, are beautiful, perfect, the love of my life, a wonderful mother, the strongest person I know; Your trauma does not define you. Your past doesn't control you and your mind? It's just trying to protect you. I can't wait to buy a house with you, and continue to grow our family" his nose brushed against mine before his lips enclosed on my own, my tears falling against his own cheeks.

"I'm sorry for everything I've done. I'm sorry for being selfish and yelling at you to communicate, when I haven't properly done so myself-"

"Hey. Life's hard. We both know it. It's okay. We can't control what other people do, but I want you to know that I chose you. I wanted you and I'm doing my fucking best to pull my own shit together. I'm sorry for everything I've put you through these past few months"

"Do you think I can stay sober?" I asked quietly.

"I think you're capable of it"

"So you aren't sticking around because I'm carrying your baby?"

"No," he chuckled, "That's just a bonus. I can't wait to expand our family and watch you be a beautiful mother to our children" His lips moved down my tear stained jaw as he murmured words of affirmation and compliments against my skin, kissing down my collarbones before moving to my left wrist, kissing down my arm, stopping at my inner elbow before switching to the next.

"I've always loved your tattoos" he admitted quietly, "I love how they make you stand out. I love how I can get lost in them when your arms are wrapped around me in your sleep. I love trying to find hidden meanings in them, or wondering what some of the more random ones are for. I love how it blends together so nicely. the way the rose on your hand stands out. I love your ribcage tattoo; perfectly imperfect, and how it perfectly describes you. I love the cascading tattoo behind your ear that trails perfectly down your neck; one of my favorite places to kiss when you're asleep. I love your matching tattoos on your finger, and how you left a space for me to fill. I love the curve of your waist" his hands moved down to trail down my ribcage, settling on my hips, "And your beautiful markings down your thighs" his hands moved to spread against the side of my thighs, moving to rest on top of them. "I love all your little freckles and moles. The little imperfections on your skin make me love you a thousand times more" My legs spread for him, welcoming him to rest in-between my thighs, my arousal starting to dampen my underwear the lower his hands went, "May I?" he asked, my head quickly nodding as I hummed in approval, lifting my lips as his thumbs hooked the waistband of my pants, pulling them down my thighs, "I love your beautiful pussy and how incredible it is that you're going to push our baby out of it. Watching you do that with Gemma only made me appreciate it more. Want to.." he lowered on the bed, his breath against my wet folds making my breath hitch, "love on it more" he pressed a gentle kiss against my opening, my center clenching around nothing as I groaned, Colby matching me when his tongue came out to flick against my clenching center.

"Sex deprived?" he teased, my hips bucking up to meet his mouth.

"Don't be a tease, please" I begged, desperately wanting to feel my hormonal sex drive for the first time whilst being pregnant.

"I'm sorry, baby" he hummed, his mouth thankfully meeting my center as he began to work me towards the pleasure I was chasing.

The feeling of his tongue against my clit, or softly licking against my sensitive nerves had my back arching in no time as my hand came down, finding his hair.

"Come on baby" he hummed against me, bringing my clit into his mouth as his fingers teased my center; a loud moan rumbling my vocal cords as he slid two fingers in, pumping them slowly.

His fingertips brushed against my g-spot, my hips bucking, wanting more, but he refused. Keeping his fingers just out if reach from my sweet spot.

"You're clenching so hard around my fingers, Leignton" he chuckled, a groan leaving my lips when Colby moved onto his knees, leaving his fingers in me to toy with me some more as his mouth found my sensitive nipples.

That was one thing that never changed each time I was pregnant; my nipples were almost too sensitive.

A few kitten licks and kisses to my erect nipples and my world turned white as my want and need slid down my thighs; a loud moan getting cut off with a kiss from Colby. My eyes were squeezed shut as pleasure rippled through me. Desperately wanting to open my eyes and see Colby's became not a want, but a need.

Fighting against my own instincts, I finally got my green eyes to open, the look of Colby looking down at me with so much love and admiration made my chest thump quicker as I panted, his fingers slipping out of me, bringing them to his mouth to clean them off.

"Good god" I panted, a smile tugging on his lips.

"Been a while, hm?" He grinned, shimmying lower between my legs.

"What are you- oh" I moaned, Colby's tongue delicately cleaning me up.

"You came so hard" he noted, his finger easily slipping into me, a gasp leaving my lips due to how sensitive I was; Colby showing me his finger that was completely drenched in my cum.

By the time he was done, I was withering on the bed, unsure if I wanted him to stop, or keep going.

"It's been so long" I exhaled, Colby moving up my body, his erection against my thigh as he leaned down to kiss me.

"I love you, Leignton Rae. You're perfect for me. For our girls" he murmured tiredly.

Colby rolled over to the side, his head on the pillow next to mine, causing me to shift so I could view him.

"You're not going to fuck me?" I asked, confused why he'd stop, considering how hard he appeared to be.

"Tonights about you, baby. I'll be fine" he shot me a look, a frown appearing on my face.

"I can help you out too, ya know? Want my hand? My mouth? You could slide between my folds if you didn't lick me dry" I teased, carefully sitting up so I could try and straddle him, confusion making my stomach clench when he stopped me.

"I'm alright, baby"

Oh.

"Uh.. okay" I stumbled, embarrassment flooding through me.

Why'd he turn me down?

I couldn't help it as I began to think of all the reasons why.

Why would he bring me to an orgasm, and not want it returned? I'm more than willing....

"Leighton" he sighed, "I can hear your thoughts from here"

"Well" I snapped, pushing myself out of bed, stumbling slightly.

"Hey! Please be careful" he begged, quickly leaning across the bed to catch my arm, steadying me.

"Blame your bowling ball of a daughter" I grumbled, snatching my arm back as he groaned, flopping back into his previous position.

"Leighton" he sighed again, "Why are you mad?"

"I'm not mad"

"Leighton" his voice dragged out, a knowing tone telling me my bullshit was wearing thin on him.

Ditto.

"What?" I snapped, turning to face him.

"Are you seriously mad that I won't let you blow me?" He asked, moving to lean up on his elbows.

My eyes rolled as I stayed quiet, Colby's chest deflating.

"Baby, I'd love for you too.. but.. but I just.."

"Just what, Colby? You just what? Spit it out already! — Was it pity? Is that what just happened? You found the mother of your child crying and you decided 'You know what will fix this? A good orgasm'" I scoffed, "Screw you!" I yelled, his eyes widening.

"Leighton, stop self-destructing! That's not true and you know it" he argued back, surprising me, but I kept my face stoic.

"What's your fucking problem?! One second you're overly affectionate and the next you act like my touch is going to burn you! Am I not attractive to you anymore?" I asked, my breathing becoming shallow, "Because if you don't like me anymore, you can leave. Don't stay here with me if you're unhappy. If... if.. if there's someone.. someone else, I.. I understand" I struggled, hating how deep those words cut, making it impossible to keep my I don't give a fuck voice.

The way he froze didn't go unnoticed, in fact, it cracked my heart.

"Wait" I whimpered, "There's.... there's someone else?" I asked, feeling my entire world shatter around me. "I just.. I was just.. I was just saying that" my voice wobbled. "I-" my breathing became more rapid and something switched in Colby; his eyes widening as what appeared to be realization hitting of what was happening.

"No! No. There isn't anyone else. Oh my god, please don't cry! I know I was quiet, it was shock! Leighton, wait" he panicked, quickly scurrying off the bed over to me, his hands reaching out for me.

I quickly took a few steps back, betrayal pumping through my veins.

"Who is she? Is she pretty?" I asked. "Does she have less baggage?"

"There is no other girl baby" he tried to console me which only made my anger front quicker.

"YOU CHEATER! DON'T TOUCH ME!" I yelled, his eyes wide.

"Leighton-"

"NO! You don't get to have your cake and eat it too!"

"Leighton!" His hands grabbed my arms, forcing me to look at him, "There. Is. No. Other. Girl. If you need to look through my phone to trust me, fine. But there is no other girl. It's just you, babe. I didn't want any sexual favors in return because you were just crying. What I did was all for you, about you. To love on you. I don't want tonight to be about me. I'm perfectly fine taking a cold shower"

"No.. no. It's uh, it's okay" I back peddled, "I don't need to see your phone. I trust you. I'm sorry I.. I'm sorry I accused you of cheating. It's just.. god, I'm sorry" i exhaled, my head hanging low.

I can believe I just embarrassed myself like that.

"It's okay. I'm sorry I didn't immediately say anything. I was just shocked" he explained again, my head nodding.

I glanced down forwards his crotch, seeing the area a lot smaller now.

Colby followed my gaze, a light chuckle leaving his lips; "It's hard to be hard when your fiance is screaming and crying that you cheated on her"

"God" I groaned, "I'm so embarrassed. I just... I just thought that if you didn't want me, there had to be a reason. Oh my god I sound psychotic!" I rubbed my hand over my eye, wishing we could just forget everything that just happened. "I'm so sorry" I apologized, Colby pulling me into his muscular arms.

"We're both a little crazy" he snickered, his hand coming up to filt my chin upwards, leaning down to softly kiss me. "We'd be boring if we didn't have a little ounce of crazy here and there. Gotta keep things interesting" he smirked, kissing me again.

"We have more than just an ounce of crazy" I laughed, "Me, by myself could probably keep the business running"

"And yet I still put a ring on your finger" he grinned.

"Hey! I'm not the one marrying the crazy! — You know what's worse than marrying the crazy?"

"Hm?"

"Putting a baby in the crazy. That's a life long commitment ya know" I joked, Colby's eyes twinkling making my stomach flutter.

"And I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat"

* * * *

I'm still trying to figure out how I want to add smut into fanfics cus I tend to add too many details due to writing one shot smut fics... so uh, if this one sucks, I apologize lol.

Sorry for the lack of Gemma, she'll be back! lol

This was supposed to be out two weeks ago....

Written on: July 10th, 19th, 20th, 23rd, 24th, 26th, 30th, 31st , August 2nd 2023

Published on: August 2nd 2023

Word Count: 7909

Part Nineteen

[ramonadecember]

For Ardem:

Eros 1, 3

Philia 1, 5

Storge 1, 4

Agape 5

Ludus 1, 2, 5

Pragma 2, 3

Philautia 3, 4, 5

oc love asks.

I didn’t forget about these last ones, things have just been… a lot lately lmao. have some of my big boy.

—

Eros/1: I don’t think Ardem can be considered romantic in general, let alone in the ‘traditional’ sense. it’s been a slight issue in the past with more than one partner thinking he could stand to be a little more so. Ardem is under the firm belief that they knew what they were getting into, knew he wasn’t like that. that’s only ever started to change when it comes to Dorian, he’s been the only one Ardem has really wanted to try with. Dorian deserves the romance that he’s so often been denied in his life, and Ardem maybe wants to provide that to him…

Eros/3: Ardem isn’t the biggest fan of PDA, mostly because he isn’t a fan of anything that makes him look ‘soft.’ gotta be a cool tough guy at all times. so if there is PDA, it’s not gonna be sweet or tender, no little cuddles or hand holding. he might try to go along with it for the sake of a partner, but he wouldn’t initiate, and he’d likely end up shying away from it. if he’s feeling particularly frisky he might ‘slip’ and pull his partner into a kiss regardless of people who may be around, but it still wouldn’t be a gentle thing. it’d also depend who the ‘public’ was though, because there’s definitely situations where it’d be off the table entirely. 

Philia/1: I don’t know that Ardem necessarily had/has someone he considers his ~best friend~. he always had a group of friends he was close enough with, and his little mercenary squad was practically like a small family, but there was no one person that stands out or that he was especially close with. Ardem was excited to meet Iron Bull, thought he was going to find a close connection there, someone who got him, but it’s actually been… pretty up and down, so not the bff-in-the-making that Ardem had hoped for. he’s slowly building friendships within the Inquisition though, so maybe one of them will get the title eventually, ha. he vibes with Cullen a lot more than he thought he would, and even before the eventual relationship with him, Dorian was the person who seemed to get him the most, so…

Storge/1: he def has his parent’s unconditional love. Ardem knows that he’s not always the model son, but his parents considered just like… being together and bringing a child into the world of their own accord to be such a gift in itself when the alternative was a life under the Qun, and they love him SO much, and have always made sure he knows that too. They found the work he did pre-Inquisition to be respectful, and were proud of him, particularly when he got put into a leadership role. They didn’t need him to be perfect. And I think it’s kinda like… no surprise that after the support he’s received (from them and others) that he was kinda blindsided by how much being a part of the Inquisition made him feel like such shit, ha…

Storge/4: Ardem has one sibling, a sister not too much younger than him. they have a fairly ‘typical’ sibling relationship, I’d say. they’re not wildly close, but they get on just fine. he’s definitely not ~the protective older brother~ or anything, but she’s also nearly as… rough around the edges as Ardem is, and she can handle herself. the only time it sort of ramps up is when Sera finds out and ‘jokes’ about setting them up, because Ardem recalls her comments in the past about ‘wondering what your women look like,’ and Ardem is still too unsure if they were mean spirited, a little fetish-y, or Sera truly being into a woman who could snap her in half for him to be super comfortable with that lmao. 

Agape/5: between mercenary and Inquisitor, there hasn’t been a lot of room for Ardem to empathize with his enemies. Ardem is more than the ‘strike first, ask questions later’ brute he seems to be, he actually really likes the tactics and the strategy and the planning and that kind of stuff (which is why he manages to be buddies with Cullen, I think lol), and both ‘jobs’ have allowed Ardem that opportunity (more so the Inquisiton than mercenary work, because often a lot of that was out of his hands, be it because he wasn’t in charge or it wasn’t what whoever they were working for asked for), but I wouldn’t call choosing not to like… immediately resort to killing ‘empathy’ necessarily. 

Ludus/1+2: Ardem isn’t skilled at flirting, and he doesn’t really have any particular lines he uses, but he also hasn’t put a lot of time or effort into making that not the case. He’s not super subtle in his attempts, but his methods can be… questionable, which lead others to wonder ‘is he …….flirting?’ lmao. Ardem can have very ‘kid pulling pigtails on the playground’ methods of flirting, which isn’t ideal, because there’s playful teasing, and then there’s whatever comments Ardem makes, ha. he’s definitely pulled back a little on that since realizing it uh, can really be taken the wrong way, but it’s still sort of the case. And this ties in with the below question, but his other move is doing things to show off/look impressive/etc. in front of the person he’s ‘flirting’ with. again, his methods are… a little juvenile, but…

Ludus/5: I don’t know that they really count as seduction techniques, but what really ‘works’ for Ardem is competence. There’s just something very, very sexy about someone who’s good at what they do, and who knows it too. He’s not opposed to cockiness when it’s warranted… It’s def like, at least what can create a spark of interest  in him towards another, and it’s something that attracted him to Bull in their early days of the Inquisition (as well as the fact he’s a mountain of meat + someone Ardem (wrongfully) thought he’d have a Qunari-based connection with), and later Dorian (Ardem didn’t have a lot of experience with mages but he still knows that the skill Dorian shows sure is something special).

Pragma/2: the biggest challenge in the past that Ardem had to deal with while in a relationship was the loss of his father. Ardem took it hard, he struggled, and he… wasn’t great to the person he was with at the time because of it. he has a hard time being open and dealing with feelings, and how closed off he got at that time ended up being the final straw in a relationship that was never gonna last anyway. which brings us to the real biggest challenge Ardem has in any relationship, and that’s letting it get past a surface level thing. even in longer relationships, Ardem has made sure it never gets the deep. he doesn’t like to be/feel vulnerable or to look ‘soft’ as previously mentioned, and it means even his partners are kept at a distance. Dorian may not be the least emotionally repressed either, but Ardem knows he has to do better if he wants to keep Dorian. and he really, really wants to keep Dorian. 

Pragma/3: his parents are not still together, but only because his father passed away a handful of years ago. they’re relationship was something special. as mentioned earlier… they were living free of the Qun and that gave them the ability to lead the lives they wanted with the partner of their choosing, and they made the most of that. there was so much love between them and it showed through in everything and set a great example for their kids. it’s honestly a little weird that Ardem is so relationship-averse when that’s what he had to look up to, and he could definitely stand to learn from them and strive for a love like that. 

Philautia/3: Ardem holds himself to the same standards as others, if not higher ones. as a leader, both pre- and within the Inquisition, and so he thinks it’s important to set a good example. and like… yeah, we know the guy is uh. rough around the edges, he doesn’t always say or do the exact right thing, but in his actions, where it counts, he’d like to think those standards show through. he owns up to his mistakes, he doesn’t make excuses for himself, and so he sure doesn’t allow them from others, and he expects them to take responsibility for their choices as well. Ardem doesn’t think these expectations are particularly hard to meet, just the decent thing to do.

Philautia/4+5: again I’m combining because one sort of overlaps with/leads into the other. the quality about himself that always made Ardem proud was his ability to not give a damn. That’s not meant in the way it could easily be taken, where like… someone who says that is usually an asshole who doesn’t care about who they’re hurting, it’s meant in a way where like… Ardem was able to let so much just roll right off him. He was very secure in himself and his choices and his life, and if he wasn’t actually harming anyone, then Ardem didn’t care what anyone else had to say about those things. that quality of his has unfortunately kind of… gone away quite a bit in his time with the Inquisition, because that time has really changed Ardem’s opinion of himself. never before has he been so unsure of himself and his capabilities, never before has he let people’s words get to him so much. Ardem has kinda lost his sense of self.

[whiskeynwriting]

An Omen (To Everyone but Me)

Black Noir x Female Reader

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Word Count: 5.4k

Warnings: 18+ (minors DNI) size kink, spanking, hair pulling, choking, slight olfactophilia, vaginal fingering, unprotected vaginal sex, slightly rough sex

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A/N: I can’t hold myself back good God

Thank you to @phnyx for being an amazing beta reader <3 as always, ily

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Black Noir finally got a masterlist!!

Join My Taglist!

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It’s a slow, quiet maneuver, one he’s done a million times before but never in this context. Not once in his life has he entered someone’s home in secret with goodness in his heart. And he’s not necessarily sure if this is a good thing, but it feels good, at least for him. He knows he makes you feel good, too. 

Even though he means well, he stalks you like prey once he’s in your home, slipping in through your living room window and hiding in the shadows. He’d scaled a few buildings to get up to the level you were at, but it wasn’t a hard task. His eyes adjust quickly once he’s inside too, regardless of the lack of light. Your apartment is dark, almost all of your lamps off as you’re likely preparing for bed. It’s late in the night, but he knows you’re awake; he saw you moving around through the windows during his approach. 

So, he waits, watching, listening, eyes slowly scanning the room. And when he finally sees you, his heart thumps in his chest. Not with surprise but with longing; he missed you. 

“Jesus,” you nearly shriek, his shadowy figure now visible as he stands in the corner. 

You’re only in a pair of panties and a sleep shirt, having wandered out into the living room while on your way to the kitchen. You were grabbing a glass of water before bed. 

Your eyes squint. “Noir?” 

His presence is completely unannounced, and for some foolish reason, you briefly wonder how he got in. It only takes a few seconds for you to see the open window beside him. 

“What, what’re you…” 

In the darkness, he cocks his head to the side, now stepping forward to approach you. He crosses the floor of your living room, making a slow, straight line directly for you. 

It’s been weeks since you’ve last seen him, and while you’re shocked in the moment, you’re also happy. You’ve missed him; even if all you usually did was touch each other in bed, you missed him. His presence alone made you feel content and safe, and you really liked that. 

With dark eyes, he approaches you, towering above you once he’s close enough. You breathe out a small hi while staring up at him, your heart fluttering inside. His breaths are heavy, evident by the visible rise and fall of the armor covering his chest. But he doesn’t seem angry or upset, at least it doesn’t appear that way. You can just tell, you can just feel it. With that being said though, he’s definitely not calm. 

You wonder what he’s been up to, not since being apart, but before he arrived tonight. Was he in the middle of completing a mission? Did he already complete one, finding himself in your area shortly after? Or did he set out to find you? It’s funny, you think, if you were anyone else, you’d be scared. Terrified, even. To those on the wrong side of The Seven, Black Noir was an enemy, an omen, something to truly fear. Maybe he is an omen, you think, an omen to everyone but me.

Noir reaches out to you, smoothing his right hand gently over your cheek, then your jaw. It’s a timid touch, soft and almost sweet. He’s admiring you.

“I missed you, too.” you tell him, melting under his touch. 

Before anything else is done or said, Noir’s hand slides down to your neck. In the same motion he walks forward, his strong body urging your own to step back. He’s not satisfied until you’re pressed against your living room wall, his fingers clamping down around your throat while he watches you release a quiet gasp. You take a shaky breath, his advance already making the space between your legs burn bright. As a reflex, your hands reach for him, grabbing onto his armored forearm. The act is unexpected but not unwelcome, much like his appearance.The sheer size of him compared to yourself makes your breaths almost nonexistent, his height and strength unmatched to that of any other man that’s ever joined you in bed. 

And then he leans in, his face not even an inch from yours. He doesn’t do it to intimidate you, he does it just for the sake of being close to you. 

“Baby,” you moan with a grin, feeling his right hand lower to cup you between your legs. 

He growls, a small noise, but loud enough for you to hear. And then, his head tilts, a curious yet teasing motion as he touches you. You like this? his silent gesture says. Pressing his body against yours, he rubs you, the movements of his hand firm and slow. He’s looking down at you, holding your throat while breathing out heavily through his nose. It’s satisfying, finally being with you again. He thought about you nearly every day you were apart; he wanted to see you so badly, and in so many ways. There were nights where he laid in bed thinking about you, rolling over to hold his pillow and wishing it was you. There were also nights where he laid in his underclothes and touched himself, wishing his hand was you, too. 

“Mm,” you softly grunt, eyes closing while his fingers rub you. 

It’s not long before you’re rolling your hips down into his hand, and sadly, it’s not long after that, that his movements subside. With anticipation tingling in your bones, you finally feel Noir’s fingers slip your panties to the side. A long breath is released from both of your bodies as his middle finger slides slowly into your warmth; he can feel it even through his gloves. He keeps it there, only for a moment, only until you sigh. And when you do, it’s then that he moves, the back and forth motion of his first act leisurely as he begins to work you open. 

“Noir,” comes your passionate moan, eyes still shut while you grip his forearm tight. You can feel the muscles in his forearm flexing, working hard to stretch you out while adding a second finger to the mix. They’re twice the size of yours; even three of your own could never compare to what he has. 

He pumps them into you, pressing his pelvis over your hip while watching you, his gaze unwavering although you don’t know. Even though your eyes are closed, he loves to see the expressions you make; he loves to see what he does to you. He can’t wait to hear the noises he can pull from you. 

What really gets you is his grip on your throat, as it’s still relatively new. He’d only done it once before and that’s when he last saw you. It seems strange but you love the feeling of it, his fist wrapped tight around your windpipe, fingers pressing into your skin, especially while he touches you. It’s exciting, because you know he could do so much harm to you if he wanted to. But he never would, he’d never want to hurt you. He made sure to not hurt you the first time he did it, applying just the right amount of pressure to make you gasp. And he does the same now, doing his best not to get too excited or overwhelmed. But holding you like this makes him feel strong. Of course, so did other things, like his powers and skills, the missions he’s completed and the enemies he’s killed. But it feels different with you. Noir doesn’t spend time with other people, not like how he spends time with you. 

“Yes,” while you gasp, he curls his fingers inside you, hearing the slick squelch of your sex and groaning. “God yes.”

He stares at you the entire time, the muscles in his arms bunching as he works his fingers into you, his other hand keeping you pinned up against the wall. You’re panting slightly as his fingers tighten around your neck, licking your lower lip as you let him hold you this way. It’s far too easy for him to control you physically, to move your body in whatever way he wants. He’s thrown men through walls before, surely he could do more than this to you. But he doesn’t, he cares for you. He finds himself liking you. And besides, there was never any reason to hurt you, not unless you asked him to. 

Noir’s fingers punch up inside you, curling every time they reach your deepest parts. The leather of his gloves rubs against your inner walls, the sensation incredibly stimulating - not dissimilar to the rest of him. You’d moan from the overwhelming nature of it all, but you can’t, not really. Small grunts and groans, little whines even, slip past your lips, but because of his firm grip you’re not able to get out much. When he hears your small whimpers he again tilts his head, coming in even closer to you. One of your hands leaves his forearm, reaching out and clutching his shoulder as he rests his forehead over your own, now beginning to move his hips against you. You can hear Noir’s deep and heavy sighs, every single breath quick yet firm. 

Suddenly, your mouth opens, jaw hanging low as your high rapidly approaches. There’s a rumble in his chest when he sees the expression on your face, feels the tightness of your sex around his digits. He can already feel you beginning to shake, your core spasming while your throat desperately tries to cry out. A shiver vibrates through your body, limbs trembling from adrenaline and euphoria. 

“N - N…” your lips try, but it’s useless. Your eyes roll back, hips bucking helplessly into his hand as you experience your high. It rolls through you in waves, provoking a gentle smile on your face. 

He doesn’t stop when your body finally reacts, finally reaches its peak. He wants you to ride it out for as long as possible, feel as nice as you can before he starts all over again. He’s made you cum twice before and he knows he can do it again. 

“Ugh,” comes your dramatic noise, a choked-out gasp falling out of your throat when he finally lets go. 

The hand you left on his shoulder drops, falling to his other arm. When Noir removes his fingers, his head immediately dips down to your chest. You expected this; he always did this, and you welcomed it. Both of his hands fall to either side of your breasts, his face planting in the center as he pushes them together while releasing a heated breath. Your own hands slide up to the back of his head, cradling him as he rests there. 

“Oh…” you moan for him, tilting your head back to rest against the wall. And he sighs in return, heart thundering in his chest from seeing and feeling you cum. 

He rubs his masked face over your chest, burying deeper between your tits. He wishes so badly he could feel your bare skin on his face. His hands massage you passionately, fingers digging into your plump flesh. His entire body is pressed against yours, so much so that it’s almost difficult to breathe. It was nearly too much, he was always too much, but you loved it that way. 

Noir keeps his face pressed into the crease of your tits, hips rolling gently over your own. If you wanted to, you could wrap your legs around him, just hang onto his body while he now explored his own bliss. Because that’s what life was when he was with you. Bliss. 

“Noir,” you sigh, a smile creeping up on your face when you feel him sigh. 

He never liked when you touched his knives, so you’re careful of the small dagger fixed at the back of his head. Nonetheless, you hold him, cradling him against your chest while he moans into you. Slowly, he moves his head, dragging it side to side as he feels the pounding in your chest. If he listens closely, he can hear it, too. His abilities allowed him the perfect opportunity to experience you fully. 

While pressing his face against you, his hands fall to another part of you, his favorite part of you. Sexually, at least. 

“Baby,” it’s something between a groan and a whine, feeling both hands grab you with force. 

He smooths his palms over your ass before squeezing you tightly, jiggling your backside briefly in his hands. 

“You missed touching me?” you ask him breathlessly, sighing out a laugh when he nods his head. 

Hurriedly, Noir’s hands find his belt, undoing it quickly and dropping the armor around his crotch. He just couldn't take it anymore, he needed more stimulation from you. And besides, he was so hard that keeping his cup on was becoming painful for him. But when it’s off he doesn’t release himself, he just grinds his pelvis into you. It’s now that his hands return to your ass, sliding down to your thighs as he lifts you. Naturally, your arms wrap around his neck. It’s crazy how easy it is for him to lift you. 

“Baby, wait,” you giggle, hands falling to either side of his face.

Immediately, he looks up at you, his chest moving rapidly. He can’t wait to ravish you. 

“I missed you,” you breathe out to him, “I really missed you being here with me.” 

Inside, your words make him sigh. He’s longed to hear such sweetness from you. Up until now, your encounters were just that, encounters. They didn’t last long, a night at most maybe. But he never slept by your side, never saw your face in the morning. Maybe he could change that tonight. 

He’s been to your home a handful of times, enough to know the layout accurately. Though with his training, he only needed to visit once to memorize every piece. In a few steps, he’s at your bedroom door, kicking it open the rest of the way while he feels you kiss his face. Your smiling lips touch the nose of his mask, his covered cheeks, and it’s quite the intimate gesture to him. Your adoration for him runs so deep, it’s heartwarming. 

Once inside your room, Noir all but throws you on your bed. He follows you down, his hands reaching for your shirt. Even though he tries not to rip it, he does so easily, lifting it up and over your head but tearing the hemline slightly. 

“H-uh,” you gasp, feeling him yank you down to the end of the bed by the firm grasp he put on your legs. 

In one quick swipe, your panties are off and on the floor, leaving you completely bare below him. He rises to his full height above you once you’re naked for him, head lowering while he scans what is now available to him. His shoulders rise and fall with the intensity of his emotions, his chest slightly out, arms at his sides while he observes you. He inhales deeply, seeing your naked chest. Your nipples are very clearly hardened, and that alone makes him throb. His eyes follow the dips and curves of your body, his want for you skyrocketing with each passing second. The sight of you laid out beneath him makes his head spin; he’s waited so long for this. 

Slowly, he makes his way down, falling to his knees with his hands sliding over the curves of your legs. They land on your thighs, moving to the portion underneath as he lifts them slightly. Furrowing your brow, you lean up a bit to look down at him. What the hell is he doing?

“Oh,” a wondrous sigh floats out of your mouth, watching Noir press his face to your soaking center. “Oh…” 

You can fucking hear him inhale, pressing his masked face into the space between your legs. And then he groans, rubbing himself in a similar fashion to the way he moved when worshipping your tits. He can smell you and if he presses himself here long enough, he’ll be able to taste you, too. Some of your slick slides across his mask, the slightly damp sensation making his eyes roll back. 

“N - Noir, I…” 

Hearing him moan is one of the best things to you. He never talks, he can’t. But he moans and groans, he grunts and sighs; any noise you can get from him makes your body run absolutely wild. 

Slapping his palms onto the bed, he lifts himself from your sex. As soon as he does, his hands find your hips. With a sharp jerk of his head toward the edge of your bed, he flips you over onto your stomach. Moving with his gesture, you crawl forward over your blankets, settling on all fours for him. The mattress dips as he climbs on behind you, slowly shuffling forward until he’s pressed right against you. Gloved fingers return to your hips, instantly sliding down to your ass once again. Noir’s fingertips dig into your skin, a very audible growl emitting from his throat when he does it. With sudden force his palm lands on your right cheek, gripping you harshly immediately afterwards. You cry out from the unexpected impact, the hit surging your body forward until you’re resting on your forearms. His rough sighs become louder the longer this goes on, a grin crawling across your lips with each and every hit. Honestly, it feels like he’s playing with you. He’s done this to you before, but not for this long.

Noir’s broad palms grab both cheeks, bouncing them softly as he finally presses his covered pelvis into you from behind. Then, out of the corner of his eye, he sees something flash. A floor-length mirror standing tall beside your dresser. And if he turns you just right, he bets he’ll be able to see you in it. 

“Noir,” you whine, your face pressing into the sheets. “Please.”

You can feel yourself spasming around nothing, wanting more of him though your pleas continue to be silently denied. Your lungs inhale shakily, your breathy sighs turning into pathetic whines. 

Unexpectedly, Noir grabs your hips, yanking you backwards and maneuvering your body slightly to the side. From this angle he can see himself kneeling behind you, his dark and broad body towering above your waiting, pliant form. 

Carefully, Noir’s right hand slides forward, down your back, up your neck, and into your hair. Tangling into your strands, he pulls backward, yanking your head up. The action isn’t harsh but in the same sense isn’t kind. The force of it makes you gasp, your eyes now landing on the mirror. Immediately, Noir’s reflection is center-stage. You can feel his deep and predatory gaze, his grip on your backside tightening when you lock in with his eyes. 

In an experimental act, he lets go, allowing you to hold your head up on your own. And you do, eyes fixated on him as he moves. Both of Noir’s hands drop to his hips, fumbling with his suit as he works to finally free himself. You can hear his groan when he does it, and it makes you moan. Almost limply, his head falls to his shoulder, sighing out a deep and contented breath; he’s stroking himself. But then, a grunt, a displeasured one. 

“Hm?” you hum, turning to the side. 

He leans over you, bracing himself on his left hand while holding out his other. 

“I, what…” you’re not sure what he wants. 

Noir presses his body to yours, his armored chest laying over your bare back. The hand he’s holding out in front of you inches closer, two of his fingers separating from the others. Your lips are already parted, and alongside your own gaze, he watches you through the mirrors as you take in his fingers. Still gloved of course, you wrap your lips around them, just barely able to taste your own cum from when he’d finger fucked you in your living room. It’s a quick motion though, simply in and out. And then again, he holds his palm out. 

“You want… spit?” comes your breathy question, and in the reflection, he nods.

Gently, you purse your lips, trying to hold back your grin. He’s never asked you to do this before. And when you complete his request, dripping your spit into the palm of his hand, he groans, running the point of his nose along the slope of your shoulder and neck.

Almost impatiently, he leans back up, slapping his hand onto his cock and pumping himself furiously. With your spit in his palm, it’s much easier than before, his heart rate increasing with every tug he gives. 

“Baby, please,” you groan, only whining slightly. “Please put it in.”

You can see the hasty motions of his arm in the mirror - you can’t stop looking into it. He looks so broad behind you, so menacing as he kneels above you. His breaths are audible when he finally lines himself up, your jaw falling slack at the mere sensation of his tip meeting your outer lips. He rubs you, his free hand landing on your left cheek and caressing you softly. His head has fallen down now, watching himself intently and unaware of your own unwavering gaze. 

“Yes…” 

With a small push, he’s inside you, slowly moving forward while he sighs. You want to drop your head down, but you don’t; you don’t want to miss a single second of this. The sight of him when he’s fully inside makes you moan; when his pelvis meets your backside, Noir’s head drops back. A wild groan hits the air, one you certainly didn’t expect. He’s been away from you for too long.

“N-Noir!” you stutter, feeling the hand he used to guide himself in land on your upper ass. 

You see it in the mirror, the act of him spanking you. It’s errotic and new, all of it, every piece of it. His entirely armored body compared to your naked form, the movements each of you make in response to the other, Noir’s simple gestures and motions, it’s all on display for you; for both of you. You can hear everything, too, you love when you can hear it. The squelch of your meeting sex, how it grows with every thrust he gives. It floats through the air of your small space, your room barely lit with just enough light to see him. 

His movements are rough and unfaltering, and every time he slides back inside your body practically vibrates with bliss. You’ve never met a man that can rock you to your core so thoroughly before him. It’s everything you can do to not cry out from it, from him, his thrusts so heated and heavy that they shove you forward inch by inch. Your fingers grip the sheets, mouth hanging open while he rails you into your bed. He’s throbbing inside you, his chest heaving behind you while his hands return to the glorious expanse of your ass. 

Looking down, he can already see he’s marked you. He must’ve hit you hard for you to bruise in such a short amount of time; he wonders if he hurt you. He wonders if you liked it. 

Behind his mask, Noir growls, a gutteral noise rumbling through his chest as he feels your warm skin clamp down around him. He’s seen other women while you’ve been apart, not sexually or romantically, but day to day due to his career. Some were really pretty, some really weren’t, but none of them seemed to spark the instant attraction he had when he first saw you. And he’s had it every time he’s seen you since. 

“Fuck, yes!” you cry out, mustering up the strength to begin bouncing back against him. 

He always has to remind himself to be gentle with you. This isn’t necessarily gentle, not to the average person. But for Noir, he’s holding himself back. Because of his powers, he could truly do so much more. 

“Noir, baby, please.” 

You aren’t sure what you’re pleading for and honestly neither is he, he’s just happy to hear you scream for him again. You’re gasping and panting, your moans forceful and high. Every time he plunges inside he pierces something that makes you see white. Your body fizzles inside, limbs entirely weak when he fucks you like this. 

Through the reflection, Noir can see your beautiful face. The expressions you make force his passion to new heights, provoking his motions to become faster and deeper. You’re so stunning like this, your hair a mess from his hand, your face tired and cute. It’s just so sexy to him, the image of you. 

You don’t know it, but you’re staring directly back at him, too. Each shove of his hips makes your body bounce and sway, his strength and force so visible when you see him like this. It only heightens the euphoria currently bursting inside of you, seeing him move like this while inside of you. And the drag of his cock against your walls is debilitating, the stretch of him a painful bliss you’ve dearly missed. 

This is so new for the both of you and it forces your bodies’ pleasure to new heights. All too quickly, Noir feels himself cum inside, his release unexpected and sudden. With a sharp, almost painful groan, his swollen cock leaks into you, his release finding home inside your warm and welcoming walls. He rocks your body back and forth as he comes down, rolling his hips into you and smiling when you move with him. It’s slow and almost intimate, your collective motions. He leans over you, resting his chest on your back once again. You can feel his breaths on your shoulder, the sensation sending a shiver across your skin. 

This was too quick for him; he doesn’t want to leave you again. 

When Noir pulls out of you, he sighs, worry running through his head. Could he really change your closeness tonight? Was he capable of that? Would you want that?

His hands roam your hips and thighs lovingly, your backside, too. He caresses the marks he’d made on you, feeling a small twinge of guilt though it’s nothing compared to the pride he has blooming inside. He waits for you to begin to move before he steps off the bed, watching as you roll onto your back. Lazily, you smile, brushing some hair away from your forehead. 

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom, okay?” you coo to him quietly, sitting up while staring at him. 

Noir’s body is still calming down, his breaths steadying now only after he’s been apart from you for a few minutes. He doesn’t do anything, doesn’t nod or move, he just stares right back at you. But you still smile, the air between the two of you soft and kind. 

While you’re gone he takes care of himself, too. Wandering into your guest bath, he cleans himself before tucking his softened erection away, releasing a breath as he ponders what to do. He doesn’t want to fucking leave you. 

When you return from the bathroom, you find an empty room. It makes you sad, you thought maybe he’d stay for a minute this time. You expected him to at least be there when you got out of the bathroom. Maybe he left in a hurry this time, maybe he’s busy, or maybe he just doesn’t want to be here with you. 

Pushing away the tear-provoking thought, you take a breath and fold open your covers. But before crawling into bed, a dark figure catches your eye.

“Oh,” you jump back, putting a hand on your chest. “Baby..."

Noir is in your bedroom doorway, and when you say this, he leans against the frame. While doing so, you swear you saw his shoulders jolt a little. Did you make him laugh? 

“You’re, you’re still here.” 

Sitting down on your bed, you offer him another smile. He likes how easy it is for you to be understanding and kind, to give someone the benefit of the doubt. 

“Do you…” glancing to your right, your eyes scan the empty space beside you on your bed. “Do you want to stay? For the night?” 

As soon as you say it, you almost feel childish, insecure. You're expecting him to say no. But to your surprise, Noir leans off the wall, standing to his full height. He nods while walking toward you with slow, almost timid steps. He's feeling a little nervous, too.

“Really?” a grin blooms on your face. He nods again. 

Honestly, you’re not sure what this constitutes. Does he sleep with his armor on? Knives and all? Can he even separate the pieces of his suit? Will he allow you the opportunity to see him like this? 

Patience, you've found, is key with him. After a few moments of silence, Noir begins to undress. You find out that there are separate pieces to his suit, and he takes them off one by one, along with his daggers and throwing knives. Walking over to your desk, he places everything on the surface, leaving himself in his black undersuit. When he’s finally free of his protective pieces, it dawns on you how much he must trust you. 

“Here,” you say, patting the space beside you. Softly jerking your head, you repeat, “C’mere.” 

He follows your gesture, a softer side to him now showing. He seems unsure and if he’s being honest he one-hundred percent is. It’s not often that he’s found himself doing something like this. But your bed seems cozy and you seem nice; you’re someone he wants to be with.

Folding open the blankets, you invite him in, watching as your dark warrior climbs into your bed. The mattress dips beside you as his body starts to rest, shimmying down slightly until his head is laying on your spare pillow. 

“I’m gonna… turn this way,” you tell him with a sleepy smile. “Okay?” 

He doesn’t do anything, doesn’t nod, so you turn anyway. You cuddle into your pillows and blankets, sighing and closing your eyes. It might be a little awkward, but you’ll take this, you’re happy with this. You’re so happy he decided to stay. Then, unexpectedly, you feel him move, now inching closer to you. There was a small space between your bodies but it’s not long before he’s pressed up against you, inhaling a calming breath as he situates himself behind you. You smile to yourself, feeling him move and wondering what he’ll do next. You stay still, letting him decide. To your delight he lifts his hand, hesitant to do so but eventually laying his palm on your side. 

Even more than before, your cheeks rise into a grin, your heart squeezing inside. Is he really being sweet with you? 

“You want to hold me?” you ask quietly, still facing away. 

In his own way of responding, Noir’s arm loops around your midsection and pulls you in. Yes, he thinks to himself. It’s quick and sudden but you laugh as he does it, immediately snuggling into him. That makes his heart pound, your giddy laugh and loving motion. Your little body wiggles against his much sturdier frame, feeling the muscles beneath the thin fabric keeping you from feeling his skin. Huh, you’ve never felt his body like this before. Focusing on his touch, you’re able to feel the bulge of his bicep, the muscles in his forearm. His pectorals press against your back, the muscles in his stomach also prominent to you. He’s so strong, you think, becoming lost in your thoughts. I wish he’d always hold me.

Noir adjusts slightly, getting comfortable behind you. Tenderly, he tucks his head into the crook of your neck, his calming breaths fanning out over your shoulder and chest. It’s relaxing like this, feeling his weight pressing into you, his powerful body holding you, cuddling you. It makes you tingle with joy inside, knowing he feels the same way you do. It’s new but he likes this, really likes this. He likes the feeling of having you in his arms, your small and slightly shallow breaths, your smell right beneath his nose as he nuzzles into your neck. It’s soft, intimate, the things he’s now doing with you. And he wants to do more of this with you; if you let him, he’d do this every time he comes to see you.

[dreamescapeswriting]

Stray Kids Reaction | Uses Your Insecurities Against You [Request]

`A/N: The anon is right by the way you’re all beautiful in every way possible, including the anon that requested this. I love you all! Stunning, beautiful peopl all of you! ~ M

CHAN: Insecurity: Clingy

Chan rubbed the bridge of his nose as he stared at the screen in front of him trying to grab some ideas from the air, he had been suffering with writer's block and it was starting to get to him. Normally if he was suffering with it he would call you over, you were his constant muse but this week he wanted nothing more than to be left alone. He was stressed from being put under pressure from his managers to finished a certain amount of songs, as well as making sure he and the rest of the boys were staying on top of their practice. Everything was just piling up on top of him and he didn't need you around to add to the pile, as much as he loved you being there he just needed some peace and quiet which he soon realised wasn't going to happen,

"Jisung told me you were feeling shitty so I bought your favourite snacks," Your voice that was normally heavenly to Chan only made him cringe as he realised you were here. 

"Hey babe, do you mind coming back later? I really need to get this done," He turned around on his chair to face you, trying to get you to leave quickly before things went south but you stood your ground, placing the small basket of food down onto the coffee table. 

"I also got your favourite hot drink, I figured you could use a pick me up." You began explaining everything that was in the basket but it only annoyed him more as you listed everything, ignoring his request for you to leave.

"We can sit on the sofa and eat while you relax for a while-"

"Fuck! Have you always been this clingy or is it just as of late?" Your heart sunk as you stared at Chan who was red in the face, it was now that you took in his dishevelled appearance it looked like he'd slept less than usual and he was clearly beating himself up over something so you let the comment pass. 

"I was just- I wanted to make sure you were okay," Your voice cracked as you tried to get over the comment, moving closer to Chan who simply rolled away from you on the chair and shook his head at you. 

"I want you to leave. You're so fucking clingy! I can't do anything without you being right there on top of me, it's exhausting having a partner who doesn't know what space is!" He was yelling loudly enough that the staff outside his studio had stopped speaking to hear what was happening in the office but you felt like you shrunk in size as he yelled at you so without another word you left him there. Chan knew how insecure you were about being considered clingy, your exes had all said the same thing to you so when you began dating Chan you told him about it, not wanting to have the same problem. You never thought, in a million years, that he of all people would use it against you.

(X)

Later that night there was a knock on your apartment door, thinking it was just the food you'd ordered for yourself you got up to answer it to see Chan standing there holding the basket of food with a giant smile on his face. 

"What do you want?" You asked plainly as you stared behind him, hoping your pizza would arrive so you could take it and shut the door. 

"To tell you how sorry I am," You scoffed rolling your eyes at him, 

"You know exactly how insecure about that I am and you still-" You began sobbing as you thought back on what he said, all he did was wrap his arms around you tightly. Pulling you into a hug, his hugs were the answers to all of your problems, no matter what you were going through as long as he hugged you everything else seemed to be insignificant to you.

"You know how insecure I am about that," You managed to say through sniffles as he kissed the top of your head, rubbing your lower back as he repeated how sorry he was to you. 

"Things with work have been stressful...I just- You weren't listening and I needed you out of there." He knew it was never going to make up for what he had unintentionally said to you but he was going, to be honest with you from the start and tell you what happened. 

"I'll make it up to you if you let me." He whispered as he continued to hold you in his arms, kissing your cheeks as you nodded. 

"Start by paying for my pizza," You sniffled, wiping your eyes when you saw the delivery man walking over in your direction, 

"Anything for you," Chan whispered, handing you the basket so he could get out the cash.

MINHO: Insecurity: Not having Friends (One of my many insecurities lol)

As soon as Minho heard your voice from the hall he rolled his head against the floor of the dance studio, 

"I thought it was just us today," Hyunjin said to Minho, confused as to why you were in the building when it was supposed to be a private practice between him and the boys this afternoon.

"It is," Minho grumbled as he glanced over at the glass panel on the door, you were stood talking with Nayeon so he wrecked his brain at some kind of excuse to get you to leave without being so mean about it. The boys were all stressed out, Kingdom was getting harder with every week so they were having to step up their game, every second of practice alone was important to them. With you there, they weren't able to get anything done. 

"Hey Babe, guys! I got you all some lunch and I figured we could hang out this afternoon?" You glanced over all of their faces and the boys turned to look at Minho for help, none of them wanted to be the ones to send you home but it needed to be done. It was probably best it came from your boyfriend rather than the boys who were just friends of yours, 

"Don't you have plans with any of your friends?" Seungmin tried to come across as friendly, hoping you would somehow get the hint that they wanted you to leave but Minho laughed loudly at the comment. 

"Y/n doesn't have friends, that's why they're always clinging onto us," The room seemed to fall into silence, all that could be heard was the air-conditioner and your rapid breathing as Minho used your number one insecurity against you in front of everybody knowing full well that it hurt you more than anything else he could have said to you. 

"Y/n!" Minho yelled out as you backed out of the room without another word to him, the other boys looking shocked at him as he called you to come back to him. 

"Give them some space...Y/n will just want some time to cool off," Chan said as he placed his hand on Minho's arm wanting him to calm down before he spoke to you but Minho couldn't concentrate on anything else but the look on your face as he said that to you. 

(X)

Minho stared at you from across your apartment as you waited for him to say something, he'd let himself in with his key but you weren't speaking. He'd been sitting on the sofa for an hour without either of you talking, he was just as stubborn as you were about things but he knew he was in the wrong this time. 

"Why did you say it?" That was all you wanted to know, why he'd felt the need to use one of the biggest things you were insecure about in front of everyone, laughing about it as if it was something funny when it wasn't. 

"I just- I need you out of there, I've been stressed and I know that will never be a suitable excuse but I was." You rolled your eyes at him, sitting down on the opposite sofa to him as you listened to what he was saying, 

"You could have told me, I would have left...I know how much stress you're all under for Kingdom," You whispered as you looked down at your hands, wondering if he really found it funny that you didn't have many of your own friends, you were new to Korea it wasn't as if you weren't trying. 

"What I said was out of order, nothing I can do or say will make up for it but I'm hoping you'll let me try...I never meant it, you know that." You knew deep down he hadn't meant it but you didn't want to forgive him so easily and seem so weak,

"Fine but...I want to be alone tonight, I just want some space." You whispered as you glanced up at him, he nodded and walked over to you giving you a kiss on your forehead. 

"Call me when you're ready to speak, I'm sorry." He whispered before you kissed him again, letting him go out of the door. 

CHANGBIN: Insecurity: School/College work

it out on one When Changbin walked into the dorms that night and heard you laughing loudly with the guys he frowned, you were supposed to be at home studying for your exams that were coming up not here with his friends. 

"Y/n? I thought you had an exam tomorrow." He said plainly as he walked into the room, you stopped laughing as you glanced over at him and nodded your head. 

"I do, I was just coming over for a break and I ran into Jisung," You looked over at Jisung who was still red in the face from laughing, Changbin grew with jealously as he watched the two of you giggling while trying not to laugh.

"This is why you keep failing the exams," He mumbled not thinking you could hear him as he walked into the kitchen but you heard him and your face fell, 

"What?" Your voice cracked as you waited for him to repeat what he had just said to you, nothing but the sound of the tap dripping could be heard. 

"Nothing." He grumbled, Jisung attempted to slowly leave the room without being noticed but you took his wrist in your hand, 

"What did he say Jisung?" Changbin stared at the younger member with a look that said he would kill him if he said anything. 

"I wasn't listening," It was clearly a lie but you let him go before grabbing your stuff, 

"That's great, you know. You confide in your boyfriend that one of your insecurities is that you failed an exam and he uses it against you," You said snarkily as you began heading towards the door of the dorms, wanting nothing more than to go home and be left alone but Changbin followed you out. 

"I didn't mean it, I was just-"

"You were just what?! Stressed? So, what? You thought. 'I know let me just take it out on my partner, who's already having a rough enough time without their boyfriend being rude about it'" You yelled before leaving the dorms, making sure to slam the door so he knew you didn't want him to follow you back home.

(X)

A week had passed since your little yelling match with Changbin, he'd been doing everything he could to say sorry, sending flowers, chocolates and teddies to your apartment to try and make up for everything he had done. Then there were the calls, voicemails and texts telling you how sorry he was for what he had said to you, that he hadn't meant it. You finally gave up on ignoring him when you realised you were both just stressed and it didn't mean you had to take it out on one another. 

"I'm sorry," You said in unison as you opened the door to your apartment to see him standing there with a bunch of flowers in his hands, 

"No, I'm sorry." You said in unison again before laughing with one another, Changbin put the flowers down on your kitchen side before bringing you into a hug and kissing the top of your head. 

"I promise that it won't happen again, I've been stressed at work and that's one of the worst excuses in the world but I'm really sorry-" He was cut off when you kissed him softly, telling him that it was fine, you'd been stressed out as well and you shouldn't have ignored him for as long as you had done. 

"How did your exam go?" He whispered as he pulled you into a tight hug, 

"I passed." You laughed softly, kissing his chest as he told you his plans for congratulating you. 

HYUNJIN: Insecurity: Not Being Good enough for him

You ran your hands down the outfit you were wearing for the award show the boys had invited you to go along with them to and you sighed, you looked great but you thought back on what everyone else was going to be wearing. All of those people around Hyunjin who were going to gain his attention within seconds, 

"You ready to go? Whoa," He whispered as he walked into your shared room to find you in the most stunning outfit he'd ever seen you in, he walked over and kissed you softly. 

"Looking good babe," He complimented but your heart dropped, "good" wasn't what you wanted, you wanted to look great. So great that he wouldn't be able to take his eyes off you all night, 

"I need to change, it's not right." You mumbled, heading into the wardrobe to try and find something that would meet your standards that you had set in your head. 

"You don't have to, you look good." You ignored him as you pulled out different options up to your body trying to find the best one, 

"I don't want to look good, I want to look great." You whispered not thinking he could hear you but he watched you from the door shaking his head, 

"You always look great, it doesn't matter what you wear," You looked over at him and shook your head this time, 

"But they're going to be people, that will look better...You will look at them and want to be with them instead." He rolled his eyes at you, leaving the wardrobe to go and wait for you outside not wanting to listen to this over and over again. 

"You always think that I'm going to leave you for someone else, why? You're all I want." He was getting tired of telling you this and you never believe him, it was like a broken record. 

"Maybe I should spend my time looking for someone who would be good for me, someone who wouldn't spend so much time getting ready," He snapped not meaning it, he was stressed from work and the award show but you came out of the wardrobe in sweats. 

"What are you doing?"

"Well, I'm not going. Spend the night finding someone that can be good enough for you," You remarked before looking yourself in the en-suite, ignoring him as he banged on the door for you to come out.

(X)  

Hyunjin walked into the room later that night to find you curled up in bed with his shirt on, he crawled in behind you and kissed your shoulder softly. 

"You know I didn't mean it right, you're perfect for me...Sometimes you're too good for me." He whispered as you pretended to be asleep, 

"I know you're not asleep because you're not doing that little snorting thing you do when you're sleeping," You began making the snorting noise as he laughed softly, kissing your cheeks and turning you around to face him,

"There is no one in the world I want, I only want you for the rest of my life," He admitted as he kissed your lips over and over again, telling you he was going to remind you every day how good you were until you began to believe and listen to him.

JISUNG: Insecurity: Don’t earn as much as him

It was no secret that you didn't earn as much as your boyfriend Jisung did but that was because he was famous and you just happened to serve in a restaurant and work in a bookstore in the week. 

"We're all going to split the bill," Jisung announced as he looked at the waiter who had asked had you and the boys wanted to pay for your meal that night, you looked at the receipt nervously thinking about how you were going to pay for it. 53000 won wasn't exactly the cheapest meal in the world, you figured you would all pay for the food you had ordered for yourselves which was why you'd gone for the cheapest items on the menu. 

"Well, Changbin is the birthday boy, we shouldn't make him pay. Let's split between the eight of us," Felix said as he bought out his wallet, you began to grow with anxiety as you realised you weren't going to have enough to cover it. 

"Here, mine and Y/n's half," You stared at the wad of cash that he placed down and then up at him as he smiled at you, kissing your lips. 

"I got you, baby, I know you don't have a lot so I figured this was my treat." Your mouth fell open as he said that in front of everyone and the boys awkwardly looked away from you, doing anything they could to not pay attention to you. 

"I can pay for my own meals," You whispered not wanting to make a scene in such a fancy place but Jisung didn't see a problem with him putting money down for the two of you. 

"I know you don't earn as much as me, it's no big deal it's just money." A hiss sounded from Changbin as he realised Jisung was saying the wrong thing right now so all you did was get up, 

"Well, this person who doesn't earn as much as you is leaving to catch a cab. Don't worry Jisung, I can afford it." You snapped, moving out of the restaurant leaving Jisung shocked as he watched after you, not seeing the problem in him offering to pay for your food. 

"Dude...Bringing up that they earn less than you? Harsh," Changbin whispered as he patted Jisung on the back before getting up to leave. 

(X)

Watching him from across the room you waited for Jisung to say something, he'd come to your apartment begging you to let him inside so you did. 

"What is it? Come to mock me some more for my jobs?" He sighed as he stepped closer to you, only for you to back up against the wall not wanting him to touch you right now. 

"You know I never meant it like that, I just...I thought I was doing a good thing." You shook your head as you rubbed your arms, 

"Doing a good thing would be if you didn't announce to everyone on our table that I make less than you," You mumbled as you thought back on the boys all staring at you, it felt as if you'd shrunk in size with the way they all stared at you.

"Babe please, I didn't mean to I thought I was doing a nice thing." You shook your head rubbing your temples as the headache you'd gotten increased, 

"Whatever Jisung, just...lock the door on your way out," You turned away from him only for him to take you by the hand and pull you close. 

"You know I would never do something that spiteful to you on purpose, I was stressed, it slipped out, I didn't mean to use it against you." You could tell by the look in his eyes how sorry he was and the thought of curling up beside him to fall asleep was too good to resist right now so you gently kissed his lips. 

"Next time we eat, I'm paying." You mumbled, dragging him  into the bedroom to get some well-earnt sleep.

FELIX: Insecurity: Emotionless/Cold hearted

According to everyone around you, you were that cold and heartless person that everyone tended to steer away from which was why it was so hard for you to believe someone like Felix, who was the living embodiment of sunshine, would want to date someone like you. 

"All I'm saying is, you could have been a little bit nicer." He mumbled as you stood in the dorms, Jisung had been crying about a fight he'd had with Chan earlier that day and you told him to grow up about it. 

"All I said was that he needed to grow up," You were confused as to why he was so angry over something so small, Jisung hadn't seemed that upset over it and it was him you were talking to. 

"You're so fucking emotionless! He was crying Y/n and you told him to grow up!" You felt your body slump as the words left his mouth, you could take that from everyone around you but not him, not Felix. Felix was the one that made all of your insecurities melt away, the one you felt happy with but now he'd just thrown that back in your face and it looked as though he hadn't even noticed. 

"How do you do it? How do you get away with being so cold to everyone around you, he was clearly hurt and needed our help and you fucking made it worse." You looked over at the dorm bathrooms wondering if you could make a run for it while he was ranting with his back to you so you did. Shutting the door as you slid down it, crying into your knees as you remembered the way Felix looked at you as if you were a monster. It wasn't that you were emotionless or cold to everyone, there were just some feelings you didn't understand. 

"Y/n! I'm sorry!" He banged on the door as soon as he realised where you were, trying to get you to come out as he heard you sniffling from the other side of it. 

"Please, I didn't mean any of it Y/n, you know that." You continued to cry into your knees, wanting nothing more than for him to leave and go into his room so you could sneak out and go home but he sat there on the other side of the door and waited. 

(X)

You finally emerged an hour later when Chan knocked on the door telling you he needed to use the bathroom, Felix was waiting for you with open arms but you attempted to move away from him, failing as he hugged you from behind. 

"I'm sorry, I was just stressed and overwhelmed with work, I shouldn't have taken it out on you," He whispered as he kissed your shoulder, watching you as you kept your eyes forward on Jisung who was talking to Chan about that day.

"You were right though, he did need to grow up...I shouldn't have said what I said to you and I am really sorry Y/n." You knew that no matter what Felix was going to keep saying sorry until you forgave him, 

"You're right there, I am-" He kissed your lips softly before you could tell him you agreed with yourself being emotionless, 

"I don't want to hear that, it's not true...Remember when I broke my ankle and you were there taking care of me," You nodded and he continued to list off everything you had done for him, the boys and all of your friends when they were sick or injured. 

"I don't want to hear that again," He kissed your nose and you nodded before kissing him softly to stop him from saying sorry again.

SEUNGMIN: Insecurity: Not successful like other people your age

Your eyes glanced over the wedding invitation sitting on your coffee table, yet another one of your friends were getting married and you were happy for them. You would always be happy for someone who was doing well in their life but everyone you knew seemed to be getting married, having babies, getting their dream carers all the while you seemed to be stuck in the same place moving nowhere in your life. 

"Why the long face?" Seungmin asked as he brought over your plate of food, the two of you were having your date night at your place tonight since the boys were all at the dorms and you wanted some alone time together.

"Nothing, I'm just wondering what to get my friend for her wedding," You said as you nodded over at the invitation, Seungmin nodded along with you and without thinking about it first, 

"Doesn't it make you feel bad that they're all so successful and you're just still in your small apartment," He didn't mean for it to come out the way it did, he'd been so stressed all week over something he needed to ask you that it came out a little too harsh. You dropped the fork onto your plate as you looked at him, wondering if he was joking or if he was serious but he looked at you confused. 

"What?"

"Well, I mean, they're all married, starting families, having these large homes and you're still in this crummy apartment." You couldn't believe the words that were coming out of his mouth, especially from Seungmin of all people, your boyfriend. The person that was supposed to be supportive and loving to you no matter what, it felt as though he was turning your back on you. 

"Crummy?" Your voice broke as he continued to eat, watching the TV as though he didn't notice what he had said was hurting you so badly, you got up without another word, placed your plate down and rushed to the bathroom. 

(X)

When you didn't come out after an hour Seungmin was beginning to worry, he knocked on the door when he heard sniffling coming from inside. 

"Babe? Everything okay?" You wiped your eyes as you hummed in response, reaching to the toilet to flush it before lying to him, claiming you were sick and he needed to go before he caught it.

"You were fine earlier," He mumbled confused as to where this sudden sickness had come from, he opened the door to find you leaning against the bathtub wiping your eyes. 

"Babe! What's wrong?" You scoffed at him, moving away as he tried to reach out and comfort you, 

"What's wrong?! Me and my crummy apartment!" You yelled as you moved away from him and went into the living room, 

"Baby, I didn't-"

"Didn't mean it? Because clearly, you did! Do you find it funny?" He reached out for you but you stepped away once again not wanting him to be near you right now,

"Let's just laugh at Y/n and the fact that they still live in a 'crummy' apartment, not married, not having kids and alone!" He realized as soon as you began crying again that his words had hurt you unintentionally, he hadn't meant it the way they'd come out.

"I didn't mean it like that, I've been stressed this week trying to-"

"So you took it out on me? When have we ever done that?" He shook his head, finally gabbing your hands as he made you look up at him, 

"I've been stressing myself out trying to ask you to move in with me, I-I found a house we could live in and I- I didn't know how to ask you and I thought that dropping hints would be a good way." You stared at him with your brows pressed together, 

"You thought telling me my apartment was crummy...was a hint?" He laughed awkwardly as he realised how stupid it seemed but you started laughing softly along with him somehow seeing the funny side of it as you shook your head. 

"Kim Seungmin, you are the most strangest, perfect boyfriend in the world." You whispered kissing him softly, 

"Yes, I'll move in with you."

JEONGIN: Insecurity: Worried He doesn’t Love you

"You were flirting with her," You scoffed as you stood in one of the empty conference rooms that were in the JYP building, Jeongin rubbed the bridge of his nose in frustration listening to what you were claiming he was doing.

"I was talking to her, she's like a younger sister to me." He explained you'd walked into the building to find him standing extremely close to Lia from itzy and it sent jealousy running through your veins. It wasn't as if you didn't trust Jeongin, you just found it incredibly difficult to see him with someone like Lia and not be attracted to her,

"You're just always too jealous to see what's in front of you! Why would I flirt with her when I'm with you?" You stared at him as he called you jealous, you looked down at your hands and not knowing what to say to him. 

"You're always so worried that I don't love you! Do you know how tiring it is to have to remind you all the time?" You felt a pang in your heart as he yelled at you, people turning to look through the glass door as they heard the youngest member yelling. 

"Well if it's so tiring why do you keep doing it?!" You yelled back only for him to shake his head and shrug his shoulders, 

"I don't know," Your heart, felt as though it had fallen onto the floor and crashed into a million tiny pieces right in front of him and it was as though he didn't care to notice. 

"You don't know? So...Why don't we just break up?" Your voice was quieter, hoping he would realise you were upset about this and that he would tell you he didn't mean it but he nodded his head, 

"Fine." Your breath caught in your throat as he stormed out of the room leaving you alone to try and gather up everything that had just happened in the room while he seemed to go off as though nothing had happened. 

(X)

When Jeongin walked into the dorms later that night the last thing he expected to find was you packing everything up into a bag with tears gushing down your cheeks. 

"Sorry, I thought I would be done before you got back," You sniffled, wiping your eyes and side-stepping out of the room telling him you would come back for the rest of your stuff when he wasn't at home.

"What are you talking about? Why are you taking your stuff?" You ignored him as you struggled to take the key to the dorms off your keys, dropping them all onto the floor and crying as you saw him bending down for them. 

"We broke up. Remember? You didn't want the hassle of telling me you loved me so we broke up," You couldn't bring yourself to look at him but he tilted your head up to look at him and shook his head, 

"I was just mad, I didn't mean it Y/n...I would never break up with you over that, I've just been stressed and then the whole jealousy thing came out and I just...I'm really sorry," He whispered leaning forward to kiss your lips softly, repeating over and over how much he loved you in every way possible, kissing you all over your face as he pulled you back into his dorm room so you could unpack your bag. 

Tagline: @taestannie​ @kneel-begyourpardon​ @sw33tnight​ @acciocriativity​ @mwitsmejk​ @minholuvs​

[buckybarnesdiaries]

i'm not the winter soldier anymore, i'm james buchanan barnes

© @captaincentenarian

bucky barnes x reader. ⎢ masterlist.

SPOILERS — 1x03!!!

you help Bucky with a panic attack, after coming back from Madripoor.

word count: 1.145 words.

warnings/tags: ptsd situation, panic attack, reader insert.

author notes: none of my stories contain reader’s body descriptions to be inclusive.

Join the tag list here.

It wasn't inevitable for you to not notice that Bucky had been absent-minded since the three of you came to the bar. The beers were rolling on the table as the chat turned from their mission to Sam's war stories. You were having a good night, sharing laughs and past adventures, disconnecting from work, until Bucky stood up while having a long sip from his bottle. I need air, he just said, causing your other partner and you to look at each other a little confused. You glanced at him leaving the place before putting back your attention on Sam. He waved his head to the exit, urging you to follow the soldier outside.

You didn't need anything else to do it, leading your steps throughout the crowd of people there to find Bucky. Once outdoors and zipping up your jacket, you glimpsed a shadow coming into the next corner to a dead-end street. Rubbing your nose, you continued to the alley without hesitating, hearing some grunts echoing between both buildings. He was there. Hands placed against the wall, head bowed and eyes closed. His chest rose and fell furious, trying to breathe. You didn't think about your actions, putting a foot wrong when you rested your fingers on his middle back.

His whole anatomy shook, walking away from you almost sweating and scared, but ready to attack. Until Bucky laid his eyes on you.

“It's okay, it's okay… It's me”. You intoned using a soft and calm tone of voice.

“Sorry, uh… I just… I can't bre— breathe”. He waved the vibranium hand close to his chest, gasping like a fish out of water.

He was having a panic attack and you knew exactly why. Taking two long strides, you landed a hand on the back of his head and grabbed his flesh hand strongly, guiding him to the closest wall to rest him on it.

“Hey, hey, James… James focus on me, c'mon, focus on me”. You called him, sliding your fingers across his neck to force him to look at you. “Breathe with me, okay?”

Fixing your orbs in his, you show him how he had to do it. Inhaling through your nostrils, holding the air for three seconds, and exhaling it by your nose. He followed your instructions, once and again, until he was respiring quietly and normally.

“Now, repeat with me. I'm not the Winter Soldier anymore, I'm James Buchanan Barnes”.

“I'm no— not the Winter… Soldier anymore… I'm James Buchanan Barnes”.

“That's it… That's it... One more time. Can you say it for me one more time? Please”. Your honeyed tone made his pulse slow down, nodding with his chin.

“I'm not the Winter Soldier anymore. I'm James Buchanan Barnes”. His voice was firm now, finally believing his own affirmation.

“You back?” You whispered caressing his rough cheek using your thumb.

“Yeah… I just… had all those voices… screaming inside my head. I couldn't shut them up”. He explained, squeezing your hand between his digits, rested close to his heart. “That… That… I, uh… In Madripoor… I… I heard Zemo saying how easy was for me to… y'know, come ba—”

“Don't do that to yourself, Bucky. You've worked really hard to be where you are right now”.

“You mean in an alley that smells like peed and puke, having an atta—”.

Again, you didn't think about your actions, slapping his face with your free hand and furrowing towards him. Bucky's mouth dropped to the floor, more than surprised and gulping a complaint.

“Why…? Did you just…? What the hell?”

“You were wandering again”. You excused your gesture. “Want another, uh?”

“Hell, no!” He pouted at you, looking through his eyelids trying to make you feel sorry. “Why a slap? Did you think that was a good way to calm somebody? Why not a kiss?”

“Oh, god… here we go 'gain”. You couldn't help but roll your eyes with the intention of drawing some distance between both, but he pushed you closer till your chests were practically stuck to the other.

“'M not stupid”. He scoffed securing his vibranium arm around your lower back to not let you go.

“I was worried, Buck”.

“See? You call me like that”.

“Like what? It's your name”.

“Uh… Not actually”. The soldier replied, shaking his head to both sides briefly. “Only Steve called me like that, he was my friend”.

“So am I”.

“Are you?”

His gaze made you feel weak, breaking down the walls around your heart that too much time costed you to build. You licked your upper lip with resignation, leaning and resting your forehead on his clavicle. You afforded to close your eyes and tour his neck back to his scalp to tangle your fingers there, slowly, gently, fondly. It was a step to admit your real feelings for Bucky, and he accepted it without refusing.

The soldier kissed your temple to put his chin on top of your head, holding you tighter and rolling down his eyelids to only focus on your caresses. For an instant, everything disappeared around you. The world got emptied. The noise got shut down.

“I was scared. Not for me, but for you”. You confessed, not needing to explain why. He was conscious about your reasons because he was too somehow. “But that's not gonna happen again”.

At the moment you raised your face, Bucky took the advantage to press his lips on your forehead. “How could it, if I have you to remind me who I am?”

“I'm just a plus, Buck. Don't give me a credit you earned by yourself and your constant work. You did it alone, I just supported you”.

“Like fewer people did, and like fewer people do”.

“You've never cared about people's opinion”.

“Yeah, till my relationship with Sam changed. And till I met you”. Bucky affirmed very securely.

“But don't forget you're a fighter. You're strong, you deserve good things to happen to your life”.

“I won't”. He responded, bringing your hand tangled to his flesh one to his lips, placing a kiss on the back of yours. “Thank you…”

“You don't have to”. Clicking your tongue, you couldn't help but roll your eyes. “Let's come back to the bar, we need another round of beers”.

“I can't get drunk, remember?”

“You have so much fun watching me being drunk, remember?”

“How could I forget it? You always make that… horrible impression of my arm, with those… robot noises”. Bucky chuckled, pinching your side and causing you to jump slightly under his grip. Your laugh made him feel better.

“C'mon! You love it!”

“Oh, yeah, I do”. He opened his eyes a little more, nodding his head while placing his vibranium arm on your shoulders, but without loosening the hold around your other hand. “I'd like to see you imitating Sam tonight”.

“Nasty boy…” You joked with a giggle.

feedback is appreciated. lemme know in a comment if you enjoyed it. and REBLOG!!! 🤍

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