#colbybrockfanfic

[britswriting]

Devotion (19)

Devotion Masterlist Read on Wattpad

T/W: Talk of parental death and abortion 

*Leighton's POV*

Moving is either an exciting, or dreadful process. I tend to lean towards the second option more often than not. I found change to be anxiety inducing and being 6 months pregnant wasn't helping my case at all.

Colby and I have looked at house after house, none of them feeling right.

Colby would tell me, "This is the one, I can feel it" but I'd disagree. Whether it was the backyard didn't have enough play space, or the master bathroom was too small (Even though it was way larger than the one we have now) there was always something that didn't feel right.

"Leighton, we've looked at seven houses, baby. None of them are going to check out everything. It's more important that we get the important stuff" Colby reminded, his hand caressing mine as we left the house, following our real-estate agent to our second house of the day.

"I just want it to be perfect" I sighed, Colby nodding.

"What did you think of the house, G?" Colby asked, his eyes flickering to the rearview mirror where Gemma was sitting in her car seat behind us.

"I wiked the swing-set" She replied, looking out the window. 

"Yeah? That looked really fun, didn't it. I promise bug, in our new house, we'll have a swing set, okay?" He told her, Gemma nodding. "Is there anything about the house you liked? Maybe your future bedroom, the play room?" He coaxed, Gemma shrugging. Colby sighed, leaning his head back against the seat.

"What did you like about the house?" I asked, curious as to why he felt so defeated.

"I think the kitchen was really nice. Had room for entertaining. The living room seemed like a good space to hang out. The room attached to it, through that archway? Could've been a nice play space. Close enough to the living room and kitchen, you know? It had a guest room for your siblings, maybe Sam, your parents" he looked over at me, "The master bedroom was nice. Not as big as the one I used to have, but it was nice none the less" He looked out his window, his jaw popping out a little before looking back through the front windshield. "I just don't understand what you want, babe. I mean, I know you want it too feel right, I just don't understand how it feels wrong? It was in a nice neighborhood. Safe. There was families around that Gemma could possibly befriend" He continued and I sighed, feeling like I once again was the problem.

"I don't know Colby. It just, I couldn't see us living there. I couldn't see my babies growing up there"

"Leighton, we make it a home. It doesn't make us a home" He commented, the sound of the soft radio hum and Gemma's murmured singing along being the only thing keeping this car from an awkward silence.

Half an hour later, we pulled up to yet another house. It looked like a Modern Farmhouse and I already knew I wouldn't like it, but I swallowed my pride and followed Gemma and Colby through the big black entry door.

"Alright, this is a five bedroom, four bathroom house" our realtor began, "It has almost everything you're looking for" he continued, "It's three point five million-" my eyes widened, "Dollars. They are willing to negotiate" he commented, Colby nodding as he followed Gemma down the hall, being greeted with floor to ceiling windows, to the left was a beautiful modern kitchen, and to the right was a cozy living room.

As we walked through the house, I couldn't help but notice everything it was missing.

A play space, a separate dining room for hosting, it was also on the smaller side for the backyard, the master bedroom was smaller than I knew Colby wanted, and the master bathroom shower was quite small.

I was surprised by how tight everything felt since it was three million fucking dollars.

Where does he think we have that in our budget? I thought we were splitting our income for this house?

"What do you think Gem? Think this could be your room?" Colby asked, Gemma wandering in, looking around at the strangers stuff, giving him a weird look that made me giggle.

My hand rested on my bump as I looked around, biting my lower lip.

I could feel Colby's eyes on me as I snooped before wandering out and down the hall towards another bedroom.

I peeked inside, unsure  if I could see us putting together a nursery in here.

Nothing felt right.

You know when you walk into a house, or even an apartment, and you think, alright, this will work. It might not be perfect, but it'll work.

This house had that. It could work. But the price compared to what you get was insane. 

We could move back to Minnesota with three million dollars and get a way better house, and land for that matter, than this place.

"What do you think, Leighton?" Colby asked, Gemma pushing past us, Colby quickly reminding her that these toys weren't hers and that she in fact, could not touch them. 

"What do you think?" I tossed back, not ready to drag him down again.

"I like the other place better" he said, my head nodding slowly.

It was nicer. Bigger. Had more of what we were looking for.

"I agree" I nodded again, Colby's head tilting.

"But you didn't like the last place?"

"I didn't say I didn't like it. I said it didn't feel right. This place, it's nice.. but it's small" I noted, my lips pursed at the fairly small closet.

"What about the area? It was a nice drive. It's gated" he commented, his eyes lingering on me as I scanned the room. 

"Yeah" I agreed, Gemma wandering over to us, whining that she was getting bored.

"Gemma, do you like this house?" Colby asked, Gemma shrugging.

She was losing interest.

When we asked her this morning if she'd like to come house hunting, quickly explaining that we'd be driving around and going into houses, she was excited, practically bouncing off the walls. Now that we were doing it? Not so much.

"This room is a bit smaller for it to be the nursery" Colby unknowingly agreed, turning on his heel to leave, stopping in the hallway to talk to the real estate agent.

"Mommy? Can we go back to Papa?" Gemma asked, rubbing at her eyes.

"Soon bug, we have one more house and then we can go to the grocery store and get stuff for dinner for Papas', okay?"

Gemma fell asleep on the ride to the third house, Colby carrying her the entire house tour, our voices fairly soft in hopes of keeping her asleep.

"I don't like this one" Colby commented first, my head nodding in agreement. "At this rate, we'll never find a house" he groaned, my hands cradling my stomach s I rocked on my feet. 

My feet were starting to swell a bit, and my back was getting sore from all the stairs we've been doing.

I wish I was in Gemma's place right now. A nap sounded great.

"I liked the yard space, the kitchen and the master bedroom" I noted, Colby humming in agreement.

"The bedrooms weren't bad. It's lacking a master bathroom though" he said, one of the main factors he wanted in our house.

"At this rate, we might as well build our own" I joked, my body freezing when I watched his eyes twinkle, "Colby-"

"What? That's not a bad idea"

"We aren't building a house in California. I doubt there is even land to do that. We'd have to buy land a house is on and tear it down. Not including the fact that I'm pregnant and the house won't be done and ready to move in by the time this baby pops out" I reminded him, really not wanting the stress of building a house right now.

Gemma stayed asleep in her car seat whilst we drove home, the 15 minutes of silence making the pit in my stomach grow larger when I cleared my throat and softly said, "I don't think I want to live here anymore", nervously looking over at Colby.

"What? What do you mean?" He asked, his voice a little rough from our prolonged silence.

"I think I don't want to live in California. I think that's what really is feeling wrong about all these places. I don't want my girls growing up here" I chewed on my lip again, feeling the soft delicate skin tear.

Colby stayed quiet, his fingers tapping against the steering wheel, causing my own fingers to spin my anxiety ring.

"Where do you want to move?" He asked softly. He didn't sound upset, or applaud by the idea, but simply tired. Defeated even.

"Well, Sam is in Nevada" I started, Colby nodding, "Your parents are in Arizona" I continued, Colby nodding again, "Which means to be close to your family, we need to stay on the west coast" I stated, Colby's brow furrowing. "But.. my family.. my family is in the Midwest" 

"What are you saying, Leighton?"

"I feel guilty" I murmured, my elbow resting on the door frame near the window, my cheek leaning against my hand as I watched traffic go by.

"About?"

"About wanting to move back home. Back to Minnesota" I clarified, "Especially since all your family is over here. I don't want to take you further away from your family, Colby"

"Leighton, babe, I've told you I don't care where we move. I just want you to be happy" He replied, my eyebrows furrowing as I turned to look at him.

"But what about your happiness? I want you to be happy, Colby" 

"I am happy, Leighton. You can't be worried about moving me away from my family" he glanced over at me, "I did that all on my own when I was a teenager. They're a phone call, or even a plane ride away. I'm okay. I know how much being near your family means to you. How you crave the close proximity"

"I just don't need another reason for your mom to hate me" I sighed, Colby's eyes rolling.

"She doesn't hate you"

"She does"

"She apologized, remember?"

"I'm still convinced she wants my head on a platter. She thinks I'm the worst thing for you, and now I'm carrying your offspring"

"Offspring? Please don't ever call our baby that ever again" he laughed, his hand moving off the wheel to my thigh, giving it a squeeze.

"Hey! be careful!" I swatted his hand away, already feeling like I had to pee. The less I could think about my vagina and how much I needed to pee the better. "If traffic doesn't get moving I'm going to piss my pants in this car" I groaned, fed up by California's traffic.

I'm learning very quickly, there is nothing worse than being pregnant, and sitting in California stop and go traffic.

We thankfully got to the grocery store in time for me to waddle off to the bathroom, Colby staying behind since Gemma was still asleep, when I realized this was the same store I got lost in five years ago.

Chuckling, I b-lined it for the bathroom, thankful I've been here quite a few times with Sam and Colby before finding a basket and grabbing a few things for dinner.

I set the grocery bags back in the car before hopping back in, buckling as Colby teased, "You didn't get lost this time" making me grin, Colby leaning over the console to kiss me.

Colby set a drowsy Gemma on the sofa as I plopped the grocery bags on the counter, Colby coming to help me with dinner.

Ever since moving back into the apartment, Colby has been a lot more hands on with me making dinner, Gemma and I helping him learn how to do things.

It was fun watching G take charge, showing him how to measure basic ingredients. (Even though I still had to help her, she acted like she didn't need my help when she instructed Colby) So watching Colby start to chop veggies and toss them into a sauce pan made my chest swell.

"Look at my master chef" I giggled, sneaking a quick kiss before slipping the diced tomatoes into his pan.

"Can't leave my girls hungry" he hummed, sneaking another kiss before stirring the veggies.

"It smells good" My dad commented, walking into the kitchen, looking tired as ever. "How did house hunting go?" he asked, Colby and I filling him in on our failed attempt of finding a house.

"Hey, speaking of moving" he cleared his throat, "I uh, I've been meaning to talk to you guys" dad said, catching my attention. "I didn't really want to say this like this" he started, worrying me, "But you're hard to track down these days"

"Dad, I'm a phone call away, remember?"

With me moving back in with Colby and trying to rebuild the foundation of my relationship, Landon and Logan have really stepped up with helping my parents, meaning I haven't seen my dad or mom for that matter as much as I used to. 

"I know, I know, I just.. I guess I just feel guilty for even bringing it up" he sighed, taking a seat on the bar stool.

"For bringing what up?" I asked, carefully carrying a cutting board of sliced meat over to Colby's pan.

"Your mothers afternoon nurse has uh, brought it to my attention about how rough mom's doing" he said, Colby's back tensing as I stilled, Colby shifting to face my father. "And uh, I made the comment on how we were struggling to afford to pay for all the extra help. You know how we stopped having the evening and night nurse? I mean, we had you around which was nice, I just, I don't want to hold you kids back from your life. I'm grateful you're willing to help, but you guys are old enough to be living your life without us holding you back" 

"Dad, you're not holding us back" I reassured him, afraid of where this conversation was going.

"With mom getting worse, and the money getting tight-"

"Dad, no" I shook my head, my fear starting to become very real.

"Leighton.. It's not fair on your mom-"

"No. Stop" my voice wobbled, remorse filling my dads facial features as he stared at me, my eyes becoming watery.

"Leighton, I think it's time we discussed letting mom go to the other side" he said softly, my heart dropping to my ass, as my tears threatened to fall.

My head violently shook, "No. I.. I'll pay. I'll figure it out. We can find the money" I began, Colby nodding, my dad jumping in before Colby could, "I already know you've offered to pay" dad told Colby, "But it's more than just money, sweetheart." he looked over at me, "It's life. She's getting worse. The cancer is spreading and causing more pain, and her organs to struggle. Baby, she can't even talk anymore. I hate this just as much as you do.. but, I hate even more watching my wife, and my children suffer. We all deserve peace. Your mom.. she shouldn't have to struggle like this every day" His own voice wobbled, my dad becoming emotional was really going to send me into a full meltdown.

"We can't lose her, dad" I began to cry, Colby turning off the stove, setting the pan aside before pulling me into a hug; my head fell into his chest as the tears began to pour at the thought of saying goodbye to my mom.

"Leighton, she's been suffering for a long time. You know that just as much as I do. We both know this isn't the woman we love. She's practically already gone, Leigh"

I just cried into Colby's chest, his chin resting on my head when I felt my dad's hand on my back.

"I hate this just as much as you do-"

"THEN WHY AREN'T YOU CRYING?!" I exploded, shoving my fiancé away, "Why are you doing this?! You sound like you've already decided! That this isn't even up for debate!" I cried, my face turning red as I glared at him, "You just what, giving me a courtesy warning? Fucking thanks dad!"

"Leighton-" he began to warn, my head shaking. 

"No! You're letting her go!" I yelled, "You're giving up!" 

"Leighton Rae, you know I would never give up on your mother, the woman I've loved for 25 years" 

"You are! You're letting her die!" I cried, dismissing the hurt that flashed across his face.

How could he do this? How does someone just decide to let their wife, mother of their children, die?

"Leighton Rae Fox, I am not letting her die. I'm letting her stop her suffering. You should just just as well as me that seeing her like that every day is heartbreaking" 

My throat closed, making it impossible for me to argue back as I choked on a sob, Colby pulling me back into his hold, letting me soak the fabric of his shirt.

The sound of my crying in the kitchen made a little voice ask "Mommy?" cracking my heart even more.

"What Gem?" Colby asked before I could pull away, wiping at my nose with the back of my hand.

"Mommy, kay?" She asked, my head nodding as I took a few deep breaths.

"I'm just sad, bug" my hoarse voice replied, my hand holding onto the counter top as I crouched down, keeping my balance.

"Why are you.. sad, momma?" She asked, her face showcasing concern as I opened my arm, welcoming her into my hold.

"Mommy's just sad at life stuff, bug. You know how you get sad when Coco goes bye bye?" I asked, Gemma nodding, "That's kinda why mommy's sad" I tried to explain, Gemma's face scrunched as she looked up at Colby.

"Coco leave gin?" She asked, air getting blown out between my lips as I shook my head, "No baby, Coco isn't leaving" 

"But.. Mommy say he weave?" 

I decided to just be honest, carefully sitting down on the tile since my legs were staring to ache, "You know how Nonna has a tube that gives her air? And food?" I asked, Gemma nodding.

"Yeah! No touch" her head shook, making me smile.

"Yeah, we don't touch it, huh" I brushed hair out of her eyes, "It helps Nonna breathe and eat so she's big and strong" my chest tightened, "Well, Nonna's been struggling lately.  She's no longer big and strong" I tried, unsure of how to explain death to my almost four year old.

"Nonna sick?" She asked, my head nodding.

"Yeah bug, Nonna's been sick for a while, remember?"

"Yeah!" She nodded, "We wait to get better" She looked up at my dad who I swear was on the verge of crying, "Nonna no better?"

"No baby, Nonna isn't better. That's why mommy is crying, bug" I smiled softly, sniffling a little as my eyes burned.

"Oh" She stated, her face full of confusion until her eyes twinkled, a look of hope making me want to protect her from everything that was about to happen, "Make Nonna card, with.. with Papa!" She grinned, looking over at my dad, "Make Nonna all.. all bedder" 

Oh my sweet girl..

"Baby, if you want to make a card for Nonna, go right ahead, bug, but uh.. Nonna's not gonna get any better" my voice cracked, Gemma's lips pursing, reminding me of myself.

"No bedder?"

"No baby"

"Why?"

"Nonna's very sick, bug"

"But.. but I get sick! I get.. get all bedder! I lay with.. with mommy! and Coco! And.. and I watch car..cartoons!" She grinned, looking up at Coco, "and has.. has snacks! Gemma all.. all bedder then! No more.. no more owies" Her face scrunched again, shaking her head. "Nonna, Nonna needs snacks, momma! And.. and.. and paw.. paw patrol!" She walked past me towards the pantry, snatching a sandwich baggie of proportioned goldfish crackers, running past me and up the stairs, my heart completely shattering as a stangled cry rippled through my throat, my head hung low as the tears continued to pour.

"Do you got her if I go-" my dad paused, his voice low before I heard him leave, feeling Colby sit down next to me, pulling me into his arms.

"I'm sorry, baby" he hummed, kissing the top of my head before the two of us sat in silence, allowing me to cry.

"I can't lose her, Colby" I cried, "I mean, I know.. know she isn't here" I struggled, "But she is.. here" I sniffled, "My daughter needs her grandmother, Colby! I.. my baby is never going to meet her" I cried, Colby tugging me into his lap, my belly in our way making him chuckle and shift us so I was slightly crooked, leaning me forward with my arms wrapped around his neck, his hand moving in a soothing motion on my back.

"Leighton, she has been suffering for a long time" Colby said softly, "And we knew this day would come eventually" he reminded me, my eyes squeezed shut.

"She isn't supposed to die" I whimpered, my breathing rapid as I tried to calm down, wishing I could reverse the clock, or even just change positions with her.

I'd take it away from her in a heartbeat.

We eventually got up off the floor, Colby handing me a water bottle before grabbing my hand and slowly leading me up the stairs.

Walking into my parents bedroom, my mom laying there, looking less and less like herself every day felt like a nightmare I couldn't awake from.

I miss watching her move effortlessly around the house, the way her caring voice gave the best advice, or the way her laugh just felt like home.

I miss the excitement she had learning she was going to be a grandmother, and all the hopes and dreams we had. 

Seeing her lay here with so many wires and tubes attached to her felt.... well, it felt horrifying.

The color in her skin was lacking, and her eyes were closed as her lips parted for the tube.

She looked like a ghost of herself.

Gemma laid next to my mom, goldfish crackers laid one by one on the comforter in my moms lap, Gemma munching on her crackers as my dad sat in the chair by the window, watching the scene play out.

"Mommy!" Gemma grinned, "I gave Nonna fishies!" She grinned, shaking her bag, my eyes widening as crackers went everywhere. "Oops"

"Gemma!" I whisper lectured, moving quickly to collect the crackers, my dad chuckling to himself as Colby came to help.

"Sowwy" She giggled, her cheeks flushed pink.

"It's alright baby, just gotta be careful, okay?" I hummed, plopping a few of the collected crackers back into the bag.

"Nonna no eat fishies?" She frowned, looking at the placed crackers on the comforter.

"I'm sure she will later, okay? She's sleeping, remember? Gotta shh" I held my finger up to my lip, Gemma copying me before climbing out of her spot, wobbling over to me, my arms quickly catching her before she tripped on the blankets. "Gemma, careful" I frowned, Gemma giggling as she wrapped her little arms around my neck.

"Nonna get bedder, mommy! No more sad" She grinned, clearly proud of herself for "nursing Nonna back to health"

"I love you, Gemma Lorraine" I spoke quietly, brushing hair out of her face yet again before kissing her cheek.

"Wuv you, mommy" She giggled again, warming up my shattered heart.

That night we all ate dinner in my parents room, Gemma complaining about the veggies in our stir-fry, Colby taking offense which landed us in a bout of giggles as Colby got her to eat the veggies, claiming he'll be upset that she doesn't like his cooking, pretending to cry until the almost four year old caved, popping a mushy carrot into her mouth, a look of disgusting making me snicker, Colby shaking his head with a little laugh.

My father practically kicked me out of the house, saying I can come back tomorrow to see my mom after I tried to hold a protest, the car ride home silent. Colby took it upon himself to get Gemma into bed as I sat in our bed, my mind spiraling.

I couldn't help but let my mind think about having to plan a funeral for my mom, truly saying goodbye to her and letting her rest easy one last time.

I hated everything about the situation.

I remember when we found out she had cancer, and the spiral that sent me in, but knowing I had to say goodbye due to it made my head feel funny.

I almost craved the idea of letting lose and giving into my old habits, but I knew that was me just wanting a release.

I was stronger today, than I was back in High School. 

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Colby asked, tugging his shirt off, tossing it into the hamper before tugging his jeans off as I replied "Shitty"

"I'm sorry you're having to go through this, Leighton" He sighed, crawling into bed in just a pair of underwear, laying on his stomach as he rested on his elbows, looking up at me. "Your belly looks huge from this angle" he laughed, my eyes rolling as he shimmied closer, pressing a kiss against my stomach. "If only you told me when we first met that you'd be lying in my bed, knocked up with my baby" he grinned, finally coming to lay next to me, snuggling close with his arm tucked under my stomach, across my hips.

"I'm pretty sure you would've kicked me out quicker" I teased, shimmying lower on the bed against the pillows.

"Do you want some happy news?" He asked quietly, catching my attention.

"We have happy news?"

"We do" he hummed, his hand sneaking up to rest against my bump.

"Lay it on me" I snickered, sighing with content as his hand slipped under my shirt, softly caressing my stomach.

"Sam texted me" he started, my eyes rolling.

"That's nothing new"

"Will you let me finish?" He laughed, my mind quickly finding the gutter, getting me to giggle to myself as Colby continued, "He's planning on proposing to Kat soon"

My jaw dropped.

"You're joking!" 

"Dead serious"

"Oh my god! When did he tell you that?"

"Well, he dragged me ring shopping-"

"AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?! COLBY!" I yelled, slapping his arm.

"I'm sorry! I was sworn to secrecy"

"Secrecy doesn't count with your future wife, and best friend!"

"Noted" he laughed, "Anyway, he texted me whilst we were eating dinner. He's been trying to figure out exactly how he wants to do it, but he says he's got a plan in motion now so" he shrugged, his eyes falling closed as he laid against my boobs, snuggled close.

"Nuh-uh Brock" I groaned, "You don't get to drop that on me and snuggle into my boobs and go to bed" 

I felt him grin against me, kissing the fabric against the side of my boob, my stomach fluttering at the feeling.

"Why are you wearing clothes in bed?" He grumbled, his hand cupping my right boob, giving it a squeeze which made me moan out of both pleasure and discomfort.

"Colby! They're sore, be nice" I frowned, "And because we have a toddler who likes to crawl into our bed sometimes"

"She won't know" he laughed, my eyes rolling.

"Some kids have memories when they're little. She doesn't need to see my boobs, Colby"

"Why? She's fed off them for a year" he teased, pinching my sensitive nipple, causing me to yelp and slap his hand, only for him to quickly move it, causing me to hit my own boob making me groan as he cackled.

"I hate you. You're dead to me, Brock!" 

"I thought we agreed to no clothes in bed, hm?" He tried again, thankfully knowing better than to tease me for missing his hand.

"We did not. You said that and I ignored you"

"Well, I think it's a good idea"

"You're going to regret that when my boobs start leaking milk"

"Sexy" He teased, my boob still stinging.

"Shut up and tell me how Sam plans to propose to Kat"

Colby explained what he knew, answering the questions I had until my voice became soft and drowsy, lulling into a sleep snuggled into his chest.

Sleeping in our bed still felt weird, even with him back in it, but snuggling into him has always felt right.

It felt nice to have more than just a pillow to cuddle all night low.

The next morning, Colby had plans to meet with one of his marketing team members for a brand collaboration, leaving Gemma and I to fend for ourselves all afternoon since my dad told me I wasn't allowed over until after 1pm.

Something about not wanting me hovering and wasting my precious day away, Insert eyeroll here.

I pulled into their driveway right at 1pm, Gemma hopping out of the car all by herself, racing to the door and yanking it open, quickly reminding me of how my little girl is not so little anymore.

"Papa!" Gemma yelled, kicking off her sandals and running upstairs.

How does this girl have so much energy?

Gemma hung out with my dad in his art studio whilst I laid with my mom, the evening creeping up on us when my phone buzzed.

Expecting it to be Colby, I flipped it over, clicking the home button so the lockscreen of Colby and Gemma grinning  with ice cream cones in their hands came into view.

My eyes narrowed when I saw Lexi's name.

Roo 🥱 Hey Leighton. I know it's been a while but I was....

Huffing, I typed in my password, opening my messages.

Roo 🥱 Hey Leighton. I know it's been a while but I was wondering if we could meet up? I'd really like to talk to you. Explain things. 

Roo 🥱 Brennen and I broke up. Please.. just hear me out? I'm sorry

Why was she begging me? She was the one ignoring me!

I debated on being petty, but decided that I needed to grow up and hear her out, I replied; 

Where do you want to meet up?

Sighing, I shut my phone off, not expecting her to reply quickly; only to be surprised when my phone buzzed.

Roo 🥱 I've been staying at Kirsten's. Roo 🥱 Can we meet up at Heather's coffee house around the corner?

Kirsten's? Like my cousin Kirsten? The girl who dropped off the face of the earth and has stopped coming to any family functions for years? What was she doing there?

Agreeing, I asked when, quickly making plans for tomorrow at 2:15pm, praying to god I don't get stood up.

When I walked through Heather's Coffee House at 2:04pm, the nerves set in as I worried about her blowing me off.

I sat down at the booth with a smoothie in hand, aggravated that I can't drink caffeine; scrolling through my phone as I waited.

There was a text from Colby, reminding me to tell him how it goes since he was at a shoot all day.

2:20 rolled around and I was ready to block her number and resume my petty actions, knowing I was right that her ass would stand me up and waste my time.

 Ten more minutes passed and I huffed, grabbing my drink and pushing the metal chair in, saying a quick goodbye to the teenage barista as I left the café. 

What was the point? To waste my time? See if I still cared?

Maybe she chickened out, but why? 

 I could feel anger boil in my chest as I practically stomped down the sidewalk towards my car, ready to call Colby and give him a piece of my mind about my sister when I heard my name frantically shouted, stopping me in my tracks as I turned around, my sister flagging me down.

I glared, turning on my heel as I walked back, her apologetic face looking very punchable right about now.

"I'm sorry I'm late!" She quickly said, a string of hope lingering in her eye as she glanced down at my stomach, then back at me. "You're so pregnant" She whispered probably to herself, my head nodding out of instinct.

"Mhm"

"I.. wow. It's been awhile" She stated, like she hasn't realized how much time has actually passed.

"Yep" my P popped, annoyance evident in my tone, hopefully speeding this process up.

I thought she wanted to talk?

"I uh, can we go in and sit down, please? I'm sorry for being late! I'll explain everything if you will just listen" She spoke in one breath, and I nodded, following her inside to another table in the back of the dining area.

"I got caught up with work and I had to stop back at Kirsten's and I-"

"It's fine" I interrupted, "What do you want to talk about?" I watched her fiddle, her eyes locked on her hands against the brown wooden table. "Lex?"

"I'm so sorry" she breathed out, my body collapsing against the chair. I knew this was useless.  "I never meant to be a bitch" she continued, catching my attention, "I just..... you were right" she exhaled, confusing me as I sat up straight.

"I was right?" I asked, Lexi nodding, "How was I right?"

"I should've never dated Brennen" She said softly and I nodded.

"You're right. You shouldn't have"

"I know.."

"Lexi, what happened? Why did you want to meet?"

"You're the only person I can talk to about this" She murmured, practically sitting on the edge of her seat, ready to bolt at any second.

"Lexi" I said, growing impatient.

I can't sit here all day. I have a dying mother to tend to, and a toddler to care for.

"I'm pregnant" She blurted, my eyes practically popping out of my head.

I swear the world stopped and everything moved in slow motion.

"You're what?" I questioned, my voice full of shock and disbelief.

What did she just say?

"I'm pregnant" She repeated.

So I did hear her right.

"I... what? With Brennen?" I asked, Lexi nodding slowly. "Lexi.." 

"I know!" She whimpered, covering her head with her hands, hiding from me.

"How far along are you?" I asked, struggling to wrap my head around my baby sister being impregnated. 

"I don't know"

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I haven't gone to the hospital" she confessed, leaving me bewildered.

"When did you find out?" I questioned, feeling like I was living in some sort of nightmarish alternate universe where everything that could go horribly wrong, does.

"A week ago" 

A WEEK AGO?!

"And you haven't gone to the hospital? Lexi!" I scolded, her face turning pink.

"I know, but I can't!" I whined.

"What do you mean you can't?"

"I don't want mom and dad to know" She said, wiping under her eye.

What?

"What do you mean?"

"I'm still on their insurance and I don't want them to know I'm knocked up" She clarified. "I don't even know if I'm keeping it" She said softly, almost inaudibly.

"Not keeping it?" I questioned, my head trying to process a million things at once; failing miserably. "And what do you mean I'm the only one you can talk to about it? What's going on?" I asked, feeling like everything was coming out of left field. "You want an abortion?" I asked, Lexi's eyes widening as she shushed me, looking around us at the mostly empty tables.

"I don't know! I just.. you thought about aborting Gemma, didn't you?" She asked quietly and I nodded slowly. "I just... you have experience with being young and pregnant and in a bad relationship" She confessed, catching my attention again.

A bad relationship?

"Lexi, what's going on? I know you texted that you and Brennen broke up... does he know?" I asked, Lexi avoided eye contact, "Lex, does he know about the baby?" I asked, her head shaking, a sigh leaving my lips. "Lexi.."

"I know! I just.. I can't tell him! We're already broken up.."

"He deserves to know" I frowned.

No matter how much I hate him, they were together for quite awhile...

"Not if I don't keep it" She stated, sitting up straighter.

"Do you really not want to keep it?" I asked, surprised by this revelation since I always expected her to be overjoyed to be a mother.

"I don't know.. I just.. I'm worried" 

"Lexi, if you're not sure, then don't go through with it. Don't do something you'll regret. You should really go to the doctor, see how far along you are, maybe even double check that your pregnancy tests were valid and talk about your options with a medical professional. It's scary, but you need to do what's safest for you, and in your best interest"

"Is it selfish of me to abort it?" She asked quietly, my ears catching a guilty undertone that screamed more than just unexpected pregnancy.

"Lexi, what's going on?" I asked softly, leaning forward to grab her hand with mine, hoping the contact soothed her the same way Colby's did with me.

"Kirsten thinks I shouldn't get an abortion-"

"Well this isn't Kirsten's baby or body Lexi"

"But.. she knows the facts and she's worried-"

"The facts?" I interrupted, my eyes narrowed. "Lexi, what's going on?"

"Kirsten wants me to file a police report" She said quietly, my hand yanking back like it had touched something scolding hot.

"A police report?! For what?! You better start talking Lexi Nicole Fox and fast" 

"Please don't be mad at me" her voice cracked.

"Lexi, tell me" 

"Brennen's been abusing and raping me for months"

* * * * 

Written on: August 15th, 27th, 28th 2023

Published on: August 28th 2023

Word Count: 6130

Part twenty

[princess-hemmo96]

The Deal

12. Awkward Discussions

It was getting pretty late and some of our friends were starting to leave pizza night, which turned into everyone leaving pizza night.

I was standing in the kitchen talking to Kat when Colby came up to me. "Hey, it's already almost 2am, I'm gonna head back to my place."

I look at him and nod. "Okay, give me a second and I'll be ready to go." He nods back and heads back over to Sam. I give Kat a goodbye hug and go to get my shoes and purse.

Colby walked back over to me after talking to Sam. "Ready?" He asked. I nod and we head for the door, waving goodbye to our remaining friends.

We took the short walk back to Colby's apartment. As soon as we walked in the door I saw my stuff and remembered I still had to finish editing my video. "Aww shit," I said, throwing my purse onto the counter and staring at my laptop. Colby looks at me confused. "I have to finish editing my video," I groan.

He shakes his head. "We both don't have much left to do. Why don't we just finish in the morning? We've been working all day, lets relax and put on a movie."

I nod, agreeing with him. "I guess you're right. But if I'm relaxing I need to be comfortable because my clothes aren't comfortable, and if I go home to change then I'm staying home and going to bed. So I guess goodnight then." I begin to pick up my things, but Colby stops me.

"Wait!" I look at him confused. "I mean, you could just wear some of my clothes," he says shyly. I nod and set my stuff back on the counter. "Okay, I'll be right back." Colby heads off to his room and I sit on the couch and wait.

Why would Colby want me to stay? It doesn't make any sense. Some days he can barely stand me, but others he can't be without me. And that kiss! Everything happened so fast I didn't even get a chance to reflect on it because we were so invested in making it believable. What the hell was that? I get he was doing it for show, but it definitely didn't feel like it.

"Here's some clothes," Colby says, walking out of his room and handing me some clothes.

"Thanks," I say standing up and taking them. "I'm just gonna go change real quick." He nods. Why was everything so awkward all of a sudden? Maybe it was the fact that our friends know we're 'together'. I have no idea, but whatever it was it needed to stop.

I quickly changed into one of Colby's merch t-shirts and a pair of his joggers, sinching the waist as tight as they will go due to the size difference. I folded my clothes neatly and brought them out of the bathroom with me and setting them on the counter next to my other things.

Colby was sitting on the couch in similar lounging clothes, scrolling through his phone. He lifted his head up when he saw me walk out. "It's already pretty late, I figured we could just watch some TV or something for a little bit," Colby suggested.

I nodded. "Yeah, that sounds good." I sat on the couch next to Colby and grabbed the blanket from behind my head. I laid it across my legs and Colby grabbed a little bit for himself. Colby had started flipping through TV shows when he finally landed on some ghost show.

We both sat there watching TV silently when Colby spoke up. "Hey, um, what did you mean when you told Tara 'we were hanging out a lot and old feelings came back'?"

He looked at me and I looked back at him. That is not what I thought he was going to say when he opened his mouth. "Oh, that's what my sister said to me when I had to tell her we were dating earlier. Don't worry it's not true, I don't have feelings for you."

"Right," He said, fake laughing ad turning back to the TV.

Speaking on the subject, now was the perfect time to ask about the kiss. "Um," I started out nervously. "While we're on the same subject, that... uh, second kiss was just for show right? You weren't kissing me like that because you wanted to."

"No, no," he stutters. "It was all for show. To make Kevin shut up and to make it really believable. I still don't think Sam believes it 100 percent."

"I don't think so either. I don't think Kat is 100 percent either, but she definitely believes it more than Sam."

He nods at me. "We just have to make sure they don't find out. I think it would be a little difficult to figure out our situation because it's not that common, but we still need to be careful."

I nod in agreement and pull the blanket up around my arms. In the process, I yank some of the blanket from Colby's body. He looks at me and yells, "Hey!" Then pulls the blanket off of me and all the way onto him.

"Dude! Get your own blanket!" I yell and pull the blanket all the way back on to me.

"That is my blanket!"

"I'm in your house, I didn't realize I was supposed to bring my own."

He squints his eyes at me, "Touche." I laugh and throw him the end of the blanket. He takes it and I immediately stick my cold feet under his legs. He looks at me when I do that.

"You fell right into my trap," I smile. I lay my head on the pillow that is on the couch and watch the ghosts on TV until I eventually fell asleep.

[slaxl-rose]

Play The Game (Colby Brock Fanfic) Part 1

a/n - this story was also published to my wattpad @ -rogerscar 

written in 2nd pov.

The heavy stench of cigarette smoke immediately filled your nose as you pushed open the heavy bar door. The room was hot, full of drunk people. You looked all around trying to see any faces which were familiar to you. You kept searching with no luck until you were forcefully pulled into a tight embrace from behind.

"y/n!" you heard

you turned around to see one of your closest friends, Katrina standing beside you. The worry you felt was soon replaced by a feeling of happiness.

you smile contently back at her "oh thank goodness, i couldn't find anyone" you say

"c'mon, we're all sitting over here!" she says while dragging you through the drunken crowd. Once you make it to the table you smile at the others and apologise for not making it on time "sorry guys, i got held up at work" which was true, you worked in a small cafe with a shitty boss who made you stay half an hour later.

"it's alright, as long as you're here now" brennen says sweetly.

you take a sip of the strong drink that got handed to you and begin to catch up with your good friends.

-

As the night goes on, you find yourself- and everyone else, getting more drunk by the minute. You all laugh and joke about anything and everything. Over half of your conversations weren't even making sense.

You can blame the alcohol for that one.

As you listen to Tara talk about the new pink high-heeled shoes she scored last weekend you see that your glass is now empty. An unfortunate discovery

Frowning, you excuse yourself from the table to go order another drink.

you make your way over to the bar and wait to be served. As your waiting you feel a faint tap on your right shoulder. You turn around to see a tall man smiling down at you with glazed over eyes.

He definitely was drunk.

"heyy darlin" he slurs. You mutter a quick 'hi' and begin to order my drink. Once he's got my order, the bartender walks away to make it. You stand patiently waiting when you feel the same guy put his arm around your waist. You turn around quickly this time and begin to push him off

"do you mind?" you growl at him. His smirk grows

"you here alone baby?" he ignores your previous question and asks one of his own

"no, i'm here with my friends"

"friends? so no boyfriend?" and now it's your turn to ignore him. You look past the tall man to see Colby making his way towards the bar. "maybe you could come home with me, i'll make it worth your time" he smirks

you look up to him in disgust.

that's the last thing you'd want.

"actually i do have a boyfriend" you lie

"oh yeah? what's his name?"  

you begin to panic, you see Colby standing about a meter away from you, looking at the drinks menu- paying no mind to you or the guy beside you

until he hears his name.

"it's colby, he's my boyfriend and hes standing right over there" you point to where colby is and he turns to look at you with wide, confused eyes.

did you really just say that?

you mouth a quick "sorry, just play along" and wave him over. Colby makes his way hesitantly towards you and the stranger, obviously confused. As he reaches you, you whisper quickly in his ear again, "just go with it" he nods quickly and introduces himself to the stranger.

"uh- hi, i'm colby" he lifts his hand

the guy scoffs "you're her boyfriend?" he asks in disbelief. Colby raises his eyebrows at the man before quickly glancing down at you "yeah, i am"

"well we were just talking, she said she wanted to come home with me"

"that's bullshit and you know it" you say sternly. The man grins. Apparently getting you pissed off and worked up is amusing to him somehow. Colby quickly catches on to the situation and soon defends you.

"actually she wants you to leave her alone" colby says to the drunk stranger

the man turns to colby and scoffs "what're you gonna do about it?" you look over to see colby tense up. You could see the anger in his eyes and before anything happened or anyone got punched you quickly pulled colby away. Leaving the man alone by himself. You drag colby outside and into the cold air. You let go of his wrist and lean against the cold brick wall. "i'm sorry" you say quietly

"what for?"

i sigh and look up at him "dragging you into this, saying you were my boyfriend"

colby smiles "it's ok love, i don't mind"

you can't stop the faint blush that spreads across your cheeks and it doesn't go unnoticed by colby. "could you walk me home? i don't feel like staying any longer" you ask

"course" he takes your hand and you both walk back in the dark to your apartment.

[turnupbrock]

More than friends//Colby Brock x reader

Colby and I have been friends for two years but recently our friendship has grown past "just friendship".  It was like an unspoken thing but everyone knew that something more was between us from the way that he would pull me into his lap, intertwine my fingers with his, or I would lay my head on his shoulder, or simply the way that we interacted on an everyday basis. So to everyone including myself, it was pretty clear that we were more that just friends. When things started to shift in Colby and I's friendship, I finally told the girls that I had liked him and that I was glad that he was giving me signs that he too felt the same way. And that is true, he was giving me signs. HE was the one that pulled me into his lap, HE was the one that would put his arm around me when we were out, HE was the one that would look between  my eyes and lips. He was giving just as many signs as I was giving him. I thought, sooner or later we would get together and that was all of our friends thought too. Just that sooner or later one of us will finally make the first official move towards one another. But I guess we were all wrong when pizza night rolled around and Colby showed up with a girl. A different girl.

  I walked into Sam's apartment wearing a short, white jersey, black ripped jeans, my usual chain that hung down the side of my leg, and a pair of white vans. My hair was straightened with a black beanie pulled over it. As soon as I walked in my eyes scanned the crowded space and my landed on an unusual face to see at pizza night. It was a girl. She had on a tight black dress, her face was accompanied with flawless makeup, and her long, shiny, brown hair was pulled up into a ponytail. I furrowed my brow and continued into the room. I stumbled upon the group of girls that we all whispering in the corner by Sam's filming room and spare bathroom. I walked behind Xepher and Devyn, popping my head into the secretive circle, "What are we whispering about?" I whisper-shouted. All of the girl quieted down and looked over at me, they had a weird look on their faces but before any of them could speak, "Hey! Y/n, when did you get here?" I heard the deep voice that I was falling in love with. I turned around and saw Colby walking over to the group, his arms open, inviting me into a hug. I happily took it and wound my arms around his waist, his own snaked around my neck and pulled me against him. "I actually just walked in," I replied after a moment, my voice muffled by his shirt. We pulled away and he looked down at me before turning around slightly and motioning for someone to come over to us. Colby turned back to me, "Y/n, I want you to meet someone.." he trailed off just as the same girl from earlier waltzed over to us and latch her arm through his. I took a step back looking between the two, I could faintly hear the whispered voices of my friends, but I didn't acknowledge them. I was too focused on the two people in front of me. "This is Amber, Amber this is my best friend, Y/n." Colby's voice broke through the thoughts running through my head at 100 miles per second. I shook my head slightly to clear it then put on my best fake smile and held out my hand.

"Hi Amber, it so nice to meet you." I said still holding out my hand. She took the hint and grasped it lightly in her own cold hand. I let go and both of ours hand fell to our sides, I looked over at Colby to see him already looking back at me. I didn't know what to say, I just knew that I felt the lump in my throat, telling me that I was about to cry. I swallowed hard against it but it didn't help.  "Are you okay?" Colby's worried voiced asked me, I nodded scared to open my mouth because if I did the only coming out would be a sob. He raised his eyebrow at me, he knew something was wrong but I forced a smile then turned around, back to the group of girls. Tara, Katrina, Devyn, Xepher, and Cassie, they were all looking at me with sympathetic looks on their faces. I shook my head at them and took a deep breath. My chest physically hurt from the weight that I felt. Xepher pulled me into a hug since she was right next to me. I let a few tears run freely down my face when I buried my head into her sweater. When I pulled away, I sniffled a little and wiped my face of any wet trials left. "I'm gonna go say hi to the guys," I mumbled before turning and walking away with waiting for a response. I knew that they knew something was up because when I stepped into the kitchen were all the boys were, they all gave me a small smile. "Don't do that. I'm fine" I said dryly to them. Sam shook his head and pulled me into a quick tight hug, he let me go and I went around and hugged all of them. Jake was the last one that I hugged, I went to pull away but he held me tighter, "If it helps any, all of us were surprised." he said before finally letting go. I nodded at him then looked over my shoulder to see Colby sitting on the couch with Amber and they were talking but Colby would constantly glance up at the group of guys and girls. This time when he looked up his eyes met mine, his eyebrows instantly knitted together but I ignored it and turned back to the guys.

The rest of the night went on, we ate pizza, we drank a little, we listened to music, and as always we played games. I always had fun at pizza night, being with all my friends, my family, they always made me happy. But tonight I couldn't get past the fact that Colby actually brought another girl over. Maybe I was being irrational and thought that when he and I would so obviously flirt, maybe he was doing it as a joke. Maybe he didn't mean anything by the things that he said or did, but I did. I meant everything that I said or did. My heart fluttered every time that he did a flirtatious thing with me. Or if he did something so simply as in hug me. I continuously  ignored Colby's eye contact and tried my best not to talk to him. I was angry and hurt. So hurt and angry. Finally when Colby pulled Amber down into his lap, like he did numerous times to me, I stood up from my place on the couch next Mike and Tara. "I- uh gotta go. I'll see you guys later." I said trying to hold my tongue and my tears in. I ignored the calls of my name and Mikes hand when he tried to stop me from leaving. I exited the apartment, hearing the door close behind me. I stood there for a second and wiped the tears that unwillingly fell from my eyes. A second later the door opened again and I felt a familiar warm hand on my shoulder. This time the touch wasn't welcoming or drew me in to want to touch him. When I felt Colby's hand lay on my should, I quickly turned to face him and took a step back. His eyes were filled with worry and confusion as he spoke, "What's wrong? Why did you just leave?" I let out a breath, trying not to yell or let my feeling slip out without warning. "I'm just tired and want to go home." I replied avoiding eye contact with him. "Why are you acting this way? Is it because Amber's here?" He asked that's when I finally lifted head to look at him. I broke, "Yeah, Colby, because Amber is here. That's why I'm so fucking upset" I exclaimed raising my hand and letting them fall back down. "Why are upset that Amber is here?" he asked once again, I furrowed my brows in confusion and in anger. "You really don't know?" I whispered tone even cracked. "Uh, no. Y/n, me and you are only friends. So why should it matter if Amber is here?" he said back his own voice dripping confusion and now a little bit of anger. Those words broke my heart. So all the flirting that happened was just a joke to him.

I breathed out a chuckle and let the tears that were threatening to spill over, do so. They trailed down my face until they hit the dark colored carpet. "Really just friends?" I asked. He nodded, "Yeah, Y/n just friends.." he trailed off. I thought that I saw a little sadness and unsure pass in those beautiful blue eyes. I felt my heart break a little more at his words, and I could help it, the words just poured out of my mouth like a water fall, "We were more thank just fucking friends and you know it!" I exclaimed to him. I watched as his eyes widened at my sudden out burst but I didn't give him time to react or say anything. I raised my hand in a half hearted wave, "It doesn't even matter any more, bye Colby go have fun." I said lowly. I walked down the hall, to the elevator, not bothering to wipe my tears because every time I did, they were just replaced with fresh ones.

I got to my apartment and changed into a hoodie and shorts. I had been declining everyone's calls and not replying to their text messages. I sat on my couch pulling my hoodie over my hair, replaying everything that happened and the tears started again. I couldn't but to feel stupid, I thought that he had liked me back but I was wrong. I don't know how long I sat there, crying and thinking but when the knock on the door pulled me out of my thoughts, I jumped. I sat up confused, I looked at my phone and realized that it was 2:00 am. The knock sounded again but this time it was louder and constant. "I'm coming damn, stop fucking banging!" I yelled out. The loud thuds were starting to give me a headache. I really didn't want to talk to anyone. I finally opened the door to reveal Colby. A very tired looking Colby. He was in a 'Take Chances' hoodie and his normal grey joggers. As soon as I opened the door, he basically tackled me in a hug. His tall figure completely engulfing me, I didn't resist. I somehow got my arms around his waist and squeezed him tightly against me. After a moment, I decided to speak up, "Colby? Are you okay? What are you doing here?" my voice came out hoarse and tired from crying. He pulled away from me, "I'm so sorry Y/n. I didn't mean it. I like you so  so much but I didn't want to ruin anything between us. You mean so much to mean and I didn't want to go and fuck that up." His voice was rushed and thick like he wanted to cry. "Colby, I like you too. So fucking much. That's why I was taken aback when I showed up and you were there with her. Colby, that hurt. I thought that we were going to one day be something more than friends then you said that we were nothing but friends." I said my voice breaking slightly. He shook his head and stepped closer to me and wrapped his arms around my waist and looked into my eyes, "Do you want to be more than friends?" he whispered with a hopeful glint in his eyes, I smiled broadly. "Ye- wait, what about Amber?" I asked him. "We weren't dating, we were just talking." he explained and smiled at me. My cheeks were starting to hurt from how wide I was smiling, "Then, yes. I want to be more Colby." I whispered to him. His smile only grew and leaned down but stopped right before our lips touched, "You know there were so so many times that I wanted to do this.." his whispered to me. My heart was racing with anticipation because in all honestly, I have wanted to do this about a hundred times in the past. "Me too." I breathed out. In the next second our lips caressed each other softly. But quickly the kiss turned more passionate and rough, I buried my fingers in his hair and pulled slightly making him groan into my mouth. He picked me up from under my thighs, I wrapped my legs around his waist. He pulled away and smirked, "Let's go do something else that I have wanted to do before." he said to me. I felt my cheeks heat up but nodded, "I would love that." I said connecting my lips back to his.

       I don't know, should I do a smut in the future? Let me know! Hope you enjoyed! 🖤🖤

[ilguna]

Credit to @sweetxplr for the screenshots

And thank you to @colbybrockfanfics for finding more authors

[britswriting]

Devotion (16)

Devotion Masterlist

Read on Wattpad

*Colby's POV*

"How about Hope?" I suggested, Leighton and I bouncing baby names off of each other for the past hour.

"Hope Brock sounds horrible" Leighton once again disagreed.

"But if you tossed a middle name into there? It would split it up" I reminded her, Leighton rolling her eyes.

"No one is going to call her Hope middle name Brock her entire life. How often do we use G's middle name?" She asked, my mouth staying shut, "Exactly. I don't like Hope. What about..... Jolina?" She suggested, my nose wrinkling as I shook my head, "Mackenzie?" 

"Mackenzie Brock? No. What were some baby names you had for Gemma?" I asked, Leighton scrolling through her phone.

"I don't fucking remember. That was like five years ago and I'm pretty sure I was dating my ex"

"Oh the dark ages, huh?" I joked, Leighton flipping me off.

"Heather? No... Faith? No... Oh! Courtney-"

"No" I cut her off, Leighton's jaw dropping.

"Why not?"

"I'm a social media influencer. I refuse for the world to find out my baby has the same name as a Kardashian" I stated, leaving no room for argument, only to hear Leighton laugh.

I glanced back over to her, seeing she was still scrolling.

"Anna? No. I like longer names" She mumbled to herself, "Ophelia? Ophelia Brock?" Leighton checked in, my head shaking. "Why not?"

"Sounds weird with Gemma"

"They don't have to match, Colby"

"Oh. So you're going to introduce our kids to your friends as Gemma and Ophelia?"

"Why not?"

"I don't like it"

"Okay, well you could've just said that instead of throwing a fit about them not matching"

"I didn't throw a fit" I huffed, Leighton ignoring me as she listed another name.

"Selena?"

"As in Gomez?"

"Not exactly" 

I shook my head, Leighton groaning, "We're getting nowhere"

"Well stop picking shitty names"

"They're not shitty!" 

"They're pretty shitty, babe" I chuckled, Leighton taking a deep breath through her nose. 

"How about Olivia?"

"Olivia Brock? Eh"

"Oh my god! Colby, this child is going to be nameless!"

"Leighton, I'm sure we'll figure it out. What if you looked at unisex names?"

"Dillion"

"No"

"Why not?"

"Dillion Brock? Do you want her to get bullied?"

"Whatever. We could always do with a Y. Dylan, with a Y?"

"Still no"

"God you're impossible"

"I'm impossible?" I chuckled, Leighton nodding. "I'm not the one suggesting shitty names like Dylan"

"Dylan isn't a shitty name" She argued back, my lips staying sealed as I slowed the car at the intersection, awaiting the greenlight. "Parker?"

"Parker's cute" 

"Gemma and Parker" Leighton tested out, "Is Parker too boyish next to Gemma's name?" Leighton pondered aloud.

"I don't think so?"

"It doesn't give you little brother vibes? Compared to little sister vibes?"

"Well clearly you think so, so move on"

"But we like Parker?"

"I think Parker is cute, but you clearly have an issue with it. We can leave it on the table, but list another name" 

"Hm... Zoe? Zoe Brock?"

"No"

"Why not?"

"Gemma and Zoe?" I questioned, catching a frown on Leighton's face.

"Yeah, what about it? It sounds cute"

"Zoe. Zoe. Zoe Brock. Gemma and Zoe. This is my daughter, Zoe" I tested out, Leighton giggling. "I mean, it's better than Dylan"

"Oh my god! Get over the Dylan thing!" Leighton laughed, a slight whine to her voice. "So we're keeping Zoe?"

"Sure"

"Okay.... how about Riley? Riley is cute"

"Riley Brock" I tested, "Riley? Riley and Gemma?" I questioned, Leighton nodding. "I mean, it's alright. I'm not in love with it or anything"

"You see what I mean? Naming a baby is so hard! What about Cameron?"

"Cameron Brock? No. I don't like the C, B, sound"

"You're so weird" She chuckled.

"It sounds weird" I defended myself, Leighton giggling to herself.

"So does that mean all C names are out of question?" 

"Probably"

"But what if we really like a C name?"

"Then we'll add it to the list"

"God, this is annoying" she grumbled.

Leighton and I spent most of our trip debating different names, marking down ones we liked to circle back too.

"I'm getting so much Deja vu. It feels so weird to be back" Leighton noted, our car right behind Logan and Cynthia's as we pulled up to the all too familiar Airbnb. "I still can't believe I hung out with your YouTuber friends and participated in your dumb videos when I was pregnant. I really was trying to befriend your ass" 

"We should watch those videos again" I chuckled, turning off the car, seeing Logan step out of his car and start to greet us as Leighton collected her things, struggling to grasp her giant ass water bottle she got when we stopped at a Gas Station for her to pee.

"Hey! You have the keys right?" He asked as I opened the car door, stepping out and digging the correct key out of my pocket, passing it to him.

"Can you grab my stuff? I need to pee like no tomorrow" Leighton begged and I nodded, watching her awkwardly run to her brother who was unlocking the place.

The sound of tires against the rocky terrain got me to turn around, Sam and Kat coming into view as I popped open the trunk, grabbing the two suitcases.

"I can't believe we're back!" Sam yelled out his window, putting the car into park.

"I know! Leighton and I were just talking about that! I feel like this is where it all started" I spoke in astonishment, turning to look at the unreal castle behind us.

"I was telling Kat that I feel like we have to film here. Even if it's just for ourselves, to have that like.. memory comparison, ya know?"

"Oh my god!" I laughed, "Leighton was just talking about how she can't believe she filmed our dumb videos with us"

"Hey! They weren't dumb! If I recall, she fucking won that hide and seek game" He laughed, stepping out of the car to pull me into a hug.

Sam, Kat and I met Logan, Cynthia and Leighton in the Airbnb, April and Kevin sadly weren't able to get the time off to join us.

"I'll fight you to the master, I swear to god Colby!" Kat warned, slipping her shoes off and racing me up the stairs.

She ran straight down the hall, my quickened steps right behind her, only to abruptly stop, seeing Leighton laying in her little hobbit hole.

"Hey" I panted, my heart attempting to beat right out of my chest from racing up the stairs, "What are you doing? I thought we were getting the master?" I questioned, leaning against the door frame as I attempted to catch my breath.

"Just wanted to sit here again. I uh, it uh.. feels surreal. Last time I was here, I was pregnant with Gemma, and now I'm pregnant with our own little one" I smiled softly, her hand rubbing against the fabric of her shirt, caressing the bump. "I remember sitting here, journaling about hanging out with you guys and what I thought life was going to be like" She spoke softly, her hand running across the blue patched quilt, "This feels like a dream, and not a like.. I really wanted to come here and can't believe it's happening dream, but a like....... time warp back to five years ago"

"I know what you mean. I remember sitting right here, and you declaring I had a foot fetish" I chuckled, standing at the end of the bed. 

"The verdicts still out on that one Brock" She giggled, shifting to lay down on the bed, my hand reaching out for her foot, dragging her down to me, my body leaning forward to rest the palms of my hands on either side of her. "I don't remember last time being this intimate" She spoke softly, pulling a boyish like grin out from me.

"I don't remember last time you having a ring on your finger vowing to be mine forever, and your womb to be carrying our love child" I let my nose brush against hers, Leighton's nose wrinkling.

"Did you have to say womb and love child?"

"Mhm" I hummed into her neck, Leighton shivering from the sensation.

"The last time I had sex here, it was with Ariya" 

"We're not talking about that" I grumbled, hating the idea of her sleeping with one of my friends.

"Someone's jealous" She hummed, her hands moving underneath my shirt, her nails teasing the skin on my back.

"As I should be" I scoffed, "You're mine, and you let someone else have you"

"Hey! That was before I knew you liked me" She defended herself, her hands slipping into the back of my jean pockets.

"Haven't you heard the term, boys are mean to girls on the playground because they like them?"

"That's a load of bullshit. Boys are just pricks who have nothing better to do with their time than pull a girl's hair and make her cry. It still stands true even at 26 years old" She raised a brow at me, grinning when I scoffed.

"Girls are just teases who tell you one thing and do another"

"Oh? You want to go there?" She warned, my lips folding shut. "That's what I thought, pretty boy. Now get off me before I knee you in the balls"

"Come on. Let's go find a room that will sleep us both" I offered my hand, Leighton eyeing me.

"Who said I want to sleep with you?"

"My baby that you're willingly carrying is my first guess" I shook my hand at her, Leighton rolling her eyes as she grabbed my hand, allowing me to pull her up.

I grunted slightly, Leighton glaring, "Don't you fucking start or I will sleep in my hobbit hole"

"I didn't mean to" I laughed, Leighton appearing annoyed. "Leigh, baby, wait-" I rushed, grabbing her arm and wrapping them around her, trapping her against me, "I didn't mean to. It was the angle, I swear"

"Mhm. If you know what's good for you you'll let me go"

"Leigh" I whined, Leighton groaning, her head resting against my shoulder, her back to my chest. "I win" I murmured only to feel her elbow jab me in the stomach, setting her free, "Hey!" I groaned.

"I warned you" She laughed, her hand gripping the door frame before turning the corner.

~

"Do you know how happy I am that this baby allows you to have pizza?" Sam said, grabbing another slice of our oh so delectable choice of dinner.

"Oh, you and me both!" Leighton practically moaned biting into the pizza.

"Do you think it's the grease and cheese?" Cynthia questioned, "When I was pregnant with Harper, I hated seeing melted cheese for months"

"It was honestly the smell, so I don't know, but I am very pleased that is not the case at this moment. I felt so high maintenance anytime they'd ask me what I wanted because I couldn't eat pizza" 

"Leighton, you are high maintenance" I teased, her jaw dropping as her hand came to cup under her chin, catching the stringy cheese, all of us laughing.

"I am not!"

"Just a little bit" I pinched my thumb and pointer finger close together.

"How? I-" she paused, her jaw still dropped.

"It's alright Leighton, we still love you" Logan teased, Leighton glaring over at him.

"How am I high maintenance? Because if I recall, I did my best to try and get along with everyone- oh, I'm hearing it" 

I snickered, "When I first met you, you always had your nails done, your makeup on-"

"And?" She interrupted, "What's wrong with wanting to look pretty?"

"Nothing is wrong with wanting to look pretty, babe, it's just, you don't like to show your bare self-"

"Well not in front of my brother" 

"That's not what I meant and you know it!" I laughed, Cynthia choking on her pizza.

"To be fair, Cynthia paid for the nails. Cynthia, back me up here" Leighton turned to look at her sister in law.

"I did, but that's because it was our bonding time since Logan and I were dating. It was our only time away from this one" her thumb pointed at Logan next to her, "Where we could gossip without him interrupting" 

"We should start that again. I can finally afford to pay it myself"

"What if we looked for a place around here? Kat, would you want to join us? Have some girl time whilst the boys have their boy time?" Cynthia asked, catching Kat mid bite of her pizza. "Think of it like a birthday gift from Leigh and I" Cynthia passed me a sickening sweet smile.

What is she doing?

"Uh, yeah, sure, that sounds fun" Kat passed a smile, the room falling quiet until Logan sparked a conversation with Sam and I about our plans for the upcoming year.

Once the sun began to go down the six of us walked out onto the stone patio where an enclosed fire pit was, Logan and Sam setting it up whilst Leighton, Kat and I grabbed the s'mores stuff.

"Please be careful" I begged Leigh, watching her step around a few of the chairs to sit between Cynthia and I.

"I'm fine" She waved me off, not settling the flutter in my stomach at all.

"Leighton, please, just, there's an open flame and you're a klutz"

"Okay, I'll be careful. I'll just make you get up and grab me things" She smirked, leaning back against the metal chair, popping open the box of graham crackers.

"That I can do. Whatever keeps you from falling period, let alone into fire" I muttered, Cynthia passing out the sticks, skipping Leighton.

"I still can't believe you don't like marshmallows" Kat stated, happily opening the bag and placing one on her stick.

"I'm here for the graham crackers. You guys got the good ones" Leighton cracked the cracker in half, taking a bite.

"The good ones?" I questioned, unable to see the label from how dark it was.

"Mhm. The honey ones"

"I thought they only came in the honey version?" I grabbed a graham cracker, Leighton shaking her head. "Hm. Well you learn something new every day" I chuckled, all of us sticking our marshmallows in.

"Can I do one? Will someone eat it?" Leighton asked, looking around our circle.  

"Nope. Last time I let you make me a s'more, you put... shit, what was it?" Logan looked over at Leighton who was already starting to giggle.

"I spread marmite on his crackers" She giggled, Logan fake gagging.

"Ohhh! That's disgusting" Sam gagged, "You're actually evil. Colby, did you know you were marrying the devil?"

"I mean, it's his mistake for taking something from Leighton" I laughed, Leighton having a proud grin on her face.

"Do you guys remember that horrendous drink you made me?"

"Yes! Brennen was annoyed you ate his snack" Sam laughed, Kat and Cynthia caught in their own conversation as Logan excused himself from the group.

"Dude, those were so good! God, what were they?"

"I don't know, this was like five years ago!" Sam exclaimed, pushing a marshmallow onto Leighton's stick.

"Double or nothing Samuel! Come on now. This isn't amateur hour" Leighton scolded, Sam sliding a second marshmallow onto her stick. "Who's eating this?"

"I'll eat it" I volunteered, Leighton nodding, my legs spreading, allowing her to stand between them to roast her marshmallow, my hands holding her hips as the fear of her toppling into the fire rattled my veins.

"Woah! Hey!" Sam abruptly shouted, startling me.

"What?" I questioned, peaking around Leighton's hip.

"You can't just shove it in the fire!" He lectured, Leighton's posture straightening.

"I'm too impatient to let it—"

"No" Sam interrupted, shaking his head, "What kind of animal burns their marshmallow on purpose?! You said you wanted to roast a marshmallow"

"Okay, what are you? S'mores police?"

"Yes, yes I am! Colby! Look who you're marrying!" Sam complained, Leighton laughing with a head shake as she put her marshmallow back into the fire, pulling it out as the reddish orange flame crisped the outside, blowing it out.

"Do you care that it's burnt?" Leighton questioned; the motion of Kat standing up to burn her own catching my attention.

"It doesn't matter" 

"Do you want it on a cracker or on its own?"

"Here" I opened my mouth, Leighton's eyes widening.

"For real? It's hot"

"Well no shit, it was on fire" I laughed, opening my mouth again, waiting.

"I'm getting flashbacks to that time you put juice in your mouth and then fucking poured it into mine"

"Shut up and give me the marshmallow or you're banned from roasting" 

colbybrocksecret: "What kind of animal burns their marshmallow on purpose?" - @samgolbach

~

"You look so pretty, baby" I hummed, Leighton's glorious bump on show as she stood in front of me in just a bra and the sweatpants she was wearing earlier.

"This belly is definitely bigger than when I was pregnant with Gemma" her hand caressed her stomach.

My head shook, "You were definitely bigger with Gemma"

"Excuse me?! Colby!" She gasped.

"What? You were a lot bigger when you were in delivery"

"Colby! I'm talking about for how far along I am. 5 months with G, I was a lot smaller than I am now with your baby"

"God, you're halfway through already?" I exhaled, feeling like everything has gone by so fast.

"Mhm. Our little baby girl is already half cooked in here" She smiled, my hands holding the side of her belly as we looked in the mirror above the dresser.

"I can't believe you're doing this again. I recall you saying you were never having a baby ever again after Gemma's delivery, and now you want to do a home birth? No meds?" My brow raised, Leighton's cheeks turning crimson.

"That's the plan"

"Are you prepared for that?" I asked, Leighton's tongue poking out to wet her lips as her head shook.

"I don't even know where I'm doing it. I mean, I could do it at my parents house, but wouldn't that be a lot? The other option is at our apartment.. and uh, I don't think our neighbors want that"

"Silly option number three" I hesitantly began, Leighton's face masking confusion, "We buy a house together"

"Colby" She sighed, my hopes and dreams immediately getting squashed, "We don't even live together right now"

"Hey! That was your choice!" I noted, my hands dropping from her waist, taking a few steps back.

"You know why I did that" 

"Leighton, be honest with me. Are you ever moving back home?" I asked the hundred million dollar question, holding my breath as I analyzed her movements.

Her breath hitched as her shoulders tensed, taking a few Mississippi seconds before turning around to face me, exhaling through her nose, "I want to"

"Okay? And what does that mean?"

"It means I want to. I want to be with you, to have a house with you, to do life with you.. I'm just... I'm nervous. I'm nervous to commit again and repeat last time. History lately appears to be going in a vicious cycle and I just, I don't want to repeat this again" She emphasized, reaching down to pull an oversized shirt over her head, pulling her hair out of the neck of the shirt, letting it cascade down the front of her chest. 

"I'd undo it if I could. You know that, right?" 

"I'd like to hope you would. Did uh, community service go well?" She asked quietly, her finger spinning her ring.

"Was fine" I muttered, not wanting to talk about my quite literal walk of shame, slipping my rings off my fingers.

"What did they have you do?"

"The cliché road side trash pickup"

"Ah. I had to do work inside of the prison. It was like a prison job without the pay before I was fully let go" Leighton confessed, surprising me that she was opening up about her jail time.

I decided to not push it, knowing it was extremely rare for her to share this information, my head nodding in acknowledgement that I had heard her.

I tugged off my shirt, tossing it towards the open suitcase before sliding down my skinny jeans.

"I can feel you staring" I mumbled, kicking them off.

"Oh, I can't stare?" Leighton jokes, crawling onto the bed.

"I never said that. Do I have to wear pants?"

"Well you're not sleeping nude" 

"No. Like can I just wear my underwear?" I asked, Leighton barely acknowledging me as she plugged in her phone. "Leigh?"

"That's fine. Just don't wake up with an erection because I'm too pregnant to have self restraint" She shimmied down the bed, pulling the covers up over her bump.

I smirked, sliding into bed next to her, copying her movement as I got comfortable.

We laid in silence for a moment before I spoke up, "This feels weird"

"What does?"

"Being in the same bed again" I mumbled, Leighton's bedside lamp giving off a dim yellow glow to the room.

"Oh. I haven't really registered it to be honest. I mean, it's been kind of weird all day. Feels like old times" 

"It does, doesn't it" I hummed, shifting to face her, "I've missed you, you know?" 

"I've missed you too" She replied, sounding half ingenious due to scrolling through her phone.

"Please come home" I begged softly, Leighton looking down at me.

"Colby" She sighed, "Is this what this trip is about? You begging me to move back in?"

I shook my head, "Leighton, please. I'm already missing so much and I know I royally messed up" I paused, my brain annoyingly reminding me I have yet to tell her my biggest screw up. I cleared my throat, "But I miss you. I miss Gemma. I miss being a family. I miss coming home to you guys, and tucking G in at night, and cuddling you to bed"

"I'll think about it, okay?" She said and I nodded, knowing this was the best I was going to get.

I woke up the next morning to Leighton's body drifting towards mine, our limbs kept to ourselves, but a beautiful sleeping face just out of reach of being able to easily lean over and kiss her.

Every fiber of my being wanted to go back to every horrific choice I've made and undo it.

All night last night I just laid there, listening to her soft breathing and occasional snore, pretending to be asleep when she got up to go pee around 3 or 4 in the morning.

I held my breath when she laid back in bed, silently praying that she would inch closer to me if she thought I was asleep, but that wasn't the case. Her awake mind slept closer to the edge than her asleep brain, where she had drifted towards me. 

I walked into our kitchen, Cynthia and Logan sat at the island eating what appeared to be frozen french toast sticks and scrambled eggs.

"Good morning" Cynthia greeted me as I opened the fridge.

"Mornin'" I grumbled, my voice gruff from the lack of use.

"Leighton still asleep?" She asked and I nodded. "I called around 9 this morning to a salon near us, so later today the girls and I are going to head out. Any idea what you boys will do whilst we're away?" Cynthia asked, looking between Logan and I.

Logan shrugged, my lips staying sealed as I poured cereal into a bowl. "You guys are not morning people" Cynthia spoke to herself, scraping the end of her breakfast into the trash before washing her dish.

"Sorry" I mumbled, Logan following Cynthia's lead. "Do you uh by chance know what Leighton would want for breakfast?" I asked, feeling like a horrible fiancé for not knowing her do's and don'ts of pregnancy food.

"I don't, I'm sorry" She apologized and I nodded, the drawer slamming shut as I placed my spoon into my bowl.

"Don't worry about it"

"Everything going alright between you two?" She asked, Logan making himself scarce.

"Define alright" I half heartedly chuckled, Cynthia frowning as she joined me back at the island.

"Still planning on getting married?" She asked, making my very tired brain suddenly alert.

"What? Has Leighton told you otherwise?" I worried, Cynthia's eyes widening.

"Shit! I'm sorry!" she freaked, "She hasn't said anything! I just..." shit. Does Leighton not want to get married? Is Cynthia covering for her? "She had talked a little bit about her concerns and things, I just didn't know where you two stood now. I mean, you slept in the same bed, right? That has to mean something" Cynthia tried to save her reaction, my jaw clenched as I chewed my cereal, nodding.

"We shared the bed, yes. I don't know if you can clarify it as sleeping together, no. Leighton practically slept thirty feet away from me unless she was asleep and the weight of our bodies causing the dip in the mattress to make her roll closer" 

"So no makeup sex then?" She joked, her smirk flattening out when I sighed, shaking my head.  "How bad is it Colby? Be honest with me, what happened?"

"What has she told you?" I questioned, walking on eggshells due to Cynthia basically being Leighton's best friend, whether Leighton wants to admit it or not.

"Not much. She just expressed her concerns about whatever happened and how she felt about you" Cynthia shrugged, my eyes squinting.

Is she lying to me? Does she know more?

"Let's just say.. Leightons actions are valid" I replied quietly, shame filling my chest as I took another bite of cereal.

"Her actions? She seemed okay earlier?"

"She hasn't been my biggest fan, and it's deserved"

"Well, what did you do?" She asked, my nerves beginning to boil.

"I don't want you to hate me as well" I admitted, Cynthia leaning on the palm of her hand to look at me, her elbow resting against the countertop.

"Colby, I could never hate you. I mean, I've seen you and Leighton go through it all, and we have even had our own moments. Shit happens sometimes. I mean, what's the worst you've done to her? It's not like you'd ever cheat on her" She laughed, my eyes widening, "You for years could barely give her enough room to breathe" She continued, my brain beginning to reel at the four little words she just laughed at.

Trying to wrap my brain around the fact that I had supposedly cheated, and I had to confess to Leighton still felt like an impossible task. I mean, how does one practically confess a sin that he can't even recall? How fucking stupid do I look having to lean on Sam to recall the basic facts he walked in on? 

Attempting to contact Chloe felt like a lost cause. I'm sure she got what she wanted and left. 

I never thought she'd be the girl to do that. Hell, I never thought I'd be capable of doing that.

Having cheated in the past, even if our relationship was basically done, I really never saw myself sitting in this position. Loving Leighton felt so easy. Even in the hard moments, it was harder to walk away from her than stand by her, and now here I was, sat next to her sister in law arguing with my own brain over how the fuck to tell the love of my life that I did possibly the worst thing imaginable.

How do you come back from breaking someone's trust this bad? 

I'm so far gone that the light at the tunnel could barely be found, yet here I was scraping the end of the barrel for any sign of hope that all of this could work out. That if I was nice to her, and loved her the way she deserved, that we could just overlook this. 

"Colby?" Cynthia's hand waved in front of my face, my head shaking me out of the trance I was in.

"Hm? Sorry, what?" I fumbled, Cynthia's face scrunched up in worry.

"You alright? You just zoned out for like five minutes. I was talking and then I noticed you stopped reacting. You good?"

"Uh, yeah. Sorry. Was just uh, thinking" 

"Well? Are you going to tell me what you did?" She asked, my lip getting caught between my teeth.

"I uh, I don't think I should. Sorry" I mumbled, excusing myself, leaving my bowl on the counter as I swiftly exited.

I took a seat on one of the balconies, staring at the morning sun as I wracked my brain for any possible way I could come clean without destroying everything I've worked towards.

Is there really any way to come clean without crumbling everything beneath me?

What would it take for her to understand? To hear me out? 

Not only is she Leighton, but she's pregnant Leighton, and pregnant Leighton is scary.

She's moody, dramatic, she holds more grudges than non-pregnant Leighton..

but I can't hold off, can I?

I mean I have to tell her.... right?

But what about the baby? What then? Would she withhold me from seeing my babies birth? Especially with it being a homebirth....

Would she ban me from the birth? From seeing my baby at all? The same way she has with Gemma? 

The idea of how much control she has over me is fucking terrifying. One wrong move and everything I've worked for these past five years just vanished.  I'm not talking every accomplishment, but my literal family.

The girl I'm head over heels for, the almost four year old I'd die for, and my unborn child who doesn't even know how fucking messy our lives were... it could all be gone with a little of few to no words.

"What's got that vein poking out of your forehead this early in the day?" Leighton asked, my body jolting at the new sound. "Good lord Colby" she laughed, "Why are you so jumpy?"

"Nothing. Just thinking"

"Well stop thinking so hard" She snickered, leaning against the balcony, "Cynthia told me we're getting our nails done later. Any requests?" She asked, shifting to face me as I leaned back against the chair.

"Requests?"

"Mhm"

"You want my opinion?"

"Why? You picked cool nails that one time"

"What one time?" I laughed, Leighton's eyes rolling, taking a seat in the chair next to me.

"You don't remember when you let me paint your nails?"

"Oh"

"Yeah oh" She mocked, chuckling.

"That was a long time ago" I replied quietly, silence falling between us.

"Colby?"

"Hm?" I hummed, keeping my eyes locked on the horizon in front of me.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine"

"Ah. The classic I'm fine excuse. I thought we were going to work on our communication skills?"

"Leighton" I warned, Leighton scoffing, "Colby. You said you were going to work on it, and I'm trying to be here for you"

"Oh. You mean the same way I was trying to be there for you with Aaliyah, and you decided that you didn't get to talk about it?" 

"Jesus, did you wake up on the fucking floor this morning? What's your problem?"

I exhaled a deep breath through my nose, turning to look at Leighton, "I'm just saying I would appreciate the same courtesy of leaving me alone when I want to be left alone, that I've given you"

"Courtesy? Are you feeling okay?" She chuckled, stretching her jaw to the side before licking her lower lip, leaning back against the chair, her arms crossed over her chest as she attempted to cross her leg, only to realize her belly was in the way, extending her legs to cross her ankles. "Alright, damn, I'll stop asking you about it" She huffed, the silence beginning to linger before she cleared her throat, "Are you going to be mad at me all day or? I just," she paused, shifting to sit forward, starting to talk with her hands, showing me how impatient she was becoming, "I got up like ten minutes ago, and you're already mad at me? I'm just confused how we got from point A to point B so quickly?" 

"I thought you were done asking about it?" I griped, Leighton's lips pursing as she nodded, pushing herself out of the chair, heading back inside.

I groaned, running my hands through my hair.

God damnit.

By the time I walked downstairs, the girls had left and Sam and Logan were chilling in the family room, Sam looking up over his laptop as I entered, "Hey. You look like shit" 

"Thanks man, I feel like it too" I chuckled, my jaw tightening as I plopped down on the couch next to him.

"Why do you look and feel like shit?"

"Because I'm a shitty person, Samuel"

"You're not a shitty person Colby. What's got you in a funk this time? This trip was your idea"

I eyed Logan who was already looking at me with a glimmer of skepticism written all over his face.

"The usual" I mumbled, pulling out my phone.

"So are we all going to sit here on our phones or do you guys want to do something?" Logan questioned, giving me a knowing look.

"And what do you have in mine Mr. Fox?" I teased.

 "We could go out to a bar?" He suggested, Sam immediately shaking his head.

"We're staying alcohol free this weekend" Sam shot down.

"What? Why?" Logan questioned.

"Leighton's pregnant" Sam tossed back immediately.

"And sober" I chimed in, Logan giving us weird looks.

"Leighton doesn't care if we drink"

Sam and I stayed quiet knowing he was right, Logan speaking up again, "Plus, isn't that what guys trips are for? Getting drunk and having fun?" he joked, Sam eyeing me.

"It's 1pm?" I tried, Logan chuckling to himself, "It's 5'oclock somewhere" 

"If you want to go out to a bar we can" I shrugged, Sam's eyes narrowing at me as Logan shoved himself off the couch.

"Great! I'll go get ready. When do we want to leave?"

"Um.. half hour?" I suggested, Logan nodding before excusing himself.

"You for real, Colby?" Sam spoke harshly.

"What? I won't drink" I promised, Sam shaking his head.

"Yeah right. As if Logan will let you get away with that"

"Hey. I have freewill ya know" I grumbled back, Sam closing his laptop and setting it on the couch cushion next to him.

"Yeah, freewill that got you fucking arrested and practically ruined your relationship" He whispered harshly.

My eyes rolled, "I'll be fine"

"How do you plan on not drinking?"

I stayed quiet for a second and right as Sam's lips parted to speak again, I beat him to it, "Sober driver!" 

"You? Sober driving?"

"Yeah, and?"

"Really?"

"What?" I questioned, my eyebrows tugging together.

"You know he's going to try and get you to drink"

"And? I won't"

"You can't" Sam reiterated, "You have a law to abide by. You're not supposed to be drinking for a while"

"And I won't. What are you so concerned for?"

"I just don't think we should be testing the limits. Last time you went out drinking with your friends, you woke up in bed with your ex"

"Correction, you woke me up"

"That's worse Colby!" Sam exclaimed.

"Look, we've got like twenty five minutes before we need to leave. Let's just go get ready. I'll be fine" I reminded him, Sam scoffing yet agreeing, the two of us disappearing upstairs to get dressed.

~

"God those are strong!" Logan winced, setting the shot glass against the bar top. "You lucked out" He told me, choking on the drink he just swallowed by coughing, his closed fist hitting his chest as he sputtered, "God, what was in that?"

"Straight tequila" Sam laughed, Logan shaking his head.

"I haven't drank that shit since my first army party. We got so drunk and woke up hungover the next morning, barely able to function for our drills" he chuckled, drinking a chaser.

"Wussing out already?" I teased, Logan scoffing.

"Say the man drinking a Pepsi!"

"Hey, designated driver!" I shook my glass at him, the dark liquid sloshing against the sides a little.

"One drink won't kill you" he teased, turning away to order something else to drink.

"I'm already walking on thin ice with Leighton. I think it's best if I stay sober tonight. But hey, that means you can get as fucked up as you want" I noted, Logan shaking his head, his elbows moving to lean back against the bar.

"I can't hang like I used to. I'm getting old man, and I've got a kid now. Definitely not in my army college days anymore" He snickered, the bartender passing him his drink.

"How is the kid thing going for you guys?" I asked, Logan laughing with a head shake.

"The kid thing? Colby, you also have a kid. You see my niece more than I do" He laughed, my face falling. Has Leighton not told him? "Harpers' been good. I'm definitely nervous of that whole angelic first kid and demonic second kid thing" he chuckled, taking a long sip of his drink.

"The what?" I questioned, catching Sam slinking away from us towards the other end of the bar.

"You know how they say your first kid makes you want a second, and the second kid makes you want to wear a condom for the rest of your life?" He joked, his face falling into a serious mask, his head tilting, "You haven't heard that?" I shook my head, "Oh, shit man" he laughed, his head thrown back, "Good luck" he laughed.

"Is it really that bad?" 

"I mean, that's what they say, but hey, what do I know? I've only got one and that little angel rules my world, I can tell you that much"

"If Gemma's the angelic one, I'm afraid for our next little girl" I nervously chuckled, bringing the straw to my lips as I glanced next to me, Sam and the bartender at the end were talking, Logan's voice bringing my attention back to him.

"It's exciting though, right?" He asked.

"Hm?"

"Having another baby. I mean, Leighton's always been indifferent about kids even when we were little, but I think that has to do with growing up with the twins. Multiples are a lot, and Leighton was used to being the baby for a few years and then here came two others that stole her spotlight... I think that affected her way more than she would lead on. I honestly was a little worried when she told me she was pregnant; for multiple reasons. One, her and Gabe were a mess. I mean, she'll tell you they weren't, but he really wasn't the best to her. Our dad used to make fun of him all the time for his inverted frosted tips as he'd called them, and douchey jersey shore style" He snickered, "But hey, look at you guys now" he motioned towards me, "You guys are engaged, living together, expecting another kid. It's really working out for you guys and I'm happy to call you a brother-in-law, Colby" He raised his drink to me before taking another long sip. "Speaking of, are you guys planning your wedding? Should I be expecting my RSVP plus one in the mail?" he joked, unknowingly digging his knife even deeper into my chest, the twist of his hand causing the air to get knocked out of my lungs, my throat clearing as I took another sip, really wishing this wasn't just a Pepsi.

"We uh— Leighton um— uh, she just.. She has a lot on her plate, you know?" I stuttered, "With everything going on with your mom and uh, having a baby and all that, I think it's um, been put on the back burner a little bit" I slowly spat out, my eyes falling down to my glass as my pointer finger traced the rim of it.

"Ah. So uh, feel free to tell me if I'm crossing a line, but uh, what's the real reason you're not drinking today? Worse case we call an uber" He tossed a small smile towards me, taking another sip of his drink, my eyes drifting back towards Sam, seeing he was sitting by himself at the end of the bar, drinking.

What the hell?

"I just thought it would be in my best interest to stay sober tonight" I shrugged, tugging on my lower lip.

"Hm. Well, whenever you're ready to tell me, I'm open ears" He shot a supportive closed lipped grin.

~

"You smell like straight whiskey" Cynthia laughed, pulling Logan away from her hug.

"You guys went drinking?" Leighton questioned, looking between Logan and I.

"We had fun" Logan grinned, "Well, Sam and I had fun. This one was a party pooper" he nodded towards me, a look of relief washing over Leighton's face, her eyes meeting mine as she mouthed "Thank you" and I sent a curt nod.

The six of us sat in the living room, Leighton showing me her nails.

"I went with shorter rounded ones this time" She showed, "I didn't want much hindrance since I'm pregnant and have a four year old at home" She smiled, "I thought the pink was cute? You know, 'cause we just found out it's a girl" She beamed, holding her nails up so I could see.

"It pops against your tattoo" I noticed, seeing the shadowing in her rose tattoo on the top of her hand pop out more against the delicate pink brushed against her nails.

"Awe thanks" She grinned, looking down at her tattoo, her eyes trailing up the sleeve of her arm. "Should've gotten my toes done, huh?" She teased, wiggling her toes that were covered by a black ankle sock.

My lips parted out of surprise, "All I said is it made your tattoo pop! I don't have a foot fetish!" I laughed, catching everyone else's attention.

"Foot fetish?" Cynthia's nose wrinkled.

"Stop! Leighton Rae!" I hissed, Leighton cackling next to me.

"Oh my god!" She panted, struggling to breath from laughing, "Shit!" She hissed, her hand digging into my thigh as she tried to push herself up off the floor, wobbling a little before landing on her feet and rushing to the bathroom, flipping the group off as we laughed.

"I don't have a foot fetish" I noted, wanting to clear the air before this oh so not fun fact spread.

"Suuurree" Sam expressed, my jaw dropping.

"I don't!"

"Just for Leighton huh?" Kat teased, joining in on their fun.

"No!" I disagreed.

"Ew, that's my baby sister!" Logan fake gagged, Cynthia's nose still wrinkled.

"Yeah, ew Colby" She agreed, my heart starting to pick up in pace.

"I don't! This stems from the last time we were here, remember?" I looked over at Sam, knowing he was in the room.

"What?" his eyes squinted, my own eyes widening.

"Sam! You don't remember that?"

"Sorry, I don't" He shook his head, holding back a grin.

"Oh my god!"

"I can't believe I didn't know you had a foot fetish Colby!" Kat grinned.

"I don't!"

"Whatever you say, Colby" She replied in a sing-song tone, only frustrating me further.

"I don't have a foot fetish! Listen, I'll own up to anything, but a foot fetish is not one" I shook my head, my nose wrinkled as well. 

I saw Leighton come back into view, my finger pointing at her, "You!" I exclaimed, stopping her in her tracks.

"What?"

"Tell them I don't have a foot fetish"

"But you do" She laughed.

Of course she wouldn't help me. She fucking started this.

"I don't!" I declared, Leighton giggling as she sat down between Kat and I. "Leighton" I warned, Leighton biting her lower lip.

"I bet you he likes to kiss her foot before fucking her" Sam muttered to Kat, Logan's eyes widening, matching my own.

"Samuel Golbach!" I hissed, Sam snickering, "I don't have a fucking foot fetish. Oh my god!" I groaned, "I regret saying I ever liked your foot tattoo"

"Are you a toe sucker Colby?" Kat asked, my frustration starting to turn into anger as Leighton's cheeks flushed and Logan's throat cleared, Cynthia snickering to herself.

"For the last time, I don't have a foot fetish"

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me" Kat sang Rhianna, my entire body wanting to crawl into a hole and die.

"For the last time, I don't have a foot fetish" I repeated, "Now can we move on? — What are you giggling at? This is your fault" I glared, Leighton giggling to herself, her lip being captured between her teeth as she tried to quiet herself, triggering arousing memories to flash through my brain.

God, not now

"I'm sorry" She apologized, attempting to stop her giggling. "I was just teasing, you know I love you, Colby, it was all fun and games" She smiled, completely oblivious to the three little words that slipped past her lips, stopping my whole world.

I love you

Everyone continued talking as I just stared at her in complete and utter shock.

It's been so long since I've heard those three beautiful words fall from her lips.

She loves me.

I felt like I could cry from pure happiness and utter pain.

She loves me. She finally said she loves me, and she doesn't even know the worst thing I've done to her.

God I can't fucking tell her now, can I?

A smile started to tug at my lips as the sound of her saying I love you played through my brain on repeat, my heart clenching at the idea as my stomach tightened.

"Colby?" Leighton nudged me, bringing me back to the conversation.

"Hm?"

"Logan asked if we were ready to make dinner? You didn't say if you were hungry or not" 

"Oh, um, yeah.. I could go for some food" I hummed, Leighton nodding as Logan and Sam stood up, moving towards the kitchen.

I looked down at Leighton's hand, seeing her engagement ring shine against her beautiful skin and the pink polish of her fingers. Two fingers over on her pointer finger rested the anxiety ring that her thumb loved to spin and the infinity jeweled pendant resting against the dip of her neck, right above where the collar of her shirt rested, daring to show off the sobriety necklace.

She was littered in gifts of my love and affection, dangling those beautiful words right under my nose and she let them slip so casually.

Everything about it felt like a dream.

Her smile and laugh as she said it, the way it sounded and the way my gift of marriage brushed against my thigh.

She loves me.

After everything we've been through, she still loves me.

I leaned in against her, my lips ghosting over her ear as I whispered, "did you mean it?" watching the shiver go down her spine as she turned to look at me, confused.

"Mean what?"

"That you love me" I asked softly, not wanting the rejection to be voiced so publicly.

"What? Of course I love you" She frowned, stating it like it was the most obvious thing ever.

Of course? How was that an "of course"? 

"You do?" I asked softly, hating how my insecurity was dripping off of those two words, Leighton's green eyes moving to look at my blue ones.

"I love you Colby" She repeated, her eyes staying on mine as her hand came up to cup my jaw, her thumb brushing against my cheek, her eyes flickering down to my lips then back up to my eyes before she leaned in and placed her lips on mine, kissing me for the second time in just a few weeks.

My body stayed tense, afraid of melting into the kiss, fear of this entire thing coming back to slap me in the face, only for Leighton to pull away, my eyes opening as the fear kicked in, her eyes still closed as she leaned in again, placing a few sweet pecks against my lips.

"I love you" she murmured against me, her eyes opening, the same twinkle of happiness shining as the night I proposed to her.

I love you

* * * * 

Do we think Colby will ever tell her? 😬

Written on: June 28th, 29th, July 1st, 2nd, 3rd 2023

Published on: July 3rd 2023

Word Count: 7.8k

Part Seventeen

[britswriting]

Devotion (15)

Devotion Masterlist

Read on Wattpad

Place your guesses here: Boy or girl? - to my friends who know, zip it lol

*Leighton's POV*

"Do you think this is stupid?" I worried, Colby and I leaving the arts and crafts store with three different bags of supplies, a white canvas under Colby's arm.

"Leighton, I think they'll leave it no matter what we do. They're finding out if our baby is a boy or a girl" 

"I know, I know! I just, I don't want it to be dumb, ya know?"

"It's not dumb Leighton" He eased, slipping the canvas into the back seat, taking the bags from me. "I think everyone will be excited. I don't know why you're so worried"

"I don't know. I just want it all to be perfect. I want Gemma to enjoy it and be excited and I'm nervous as fuck for your parents to be there. I mean, everyone is finding out at the same time that I'm pregnant, and what the gender is. That's a lot to digest in one afternoon"

"I can't believe we're trusting April with this" Colby chuckled, looking over his shoulder as he reversed.

"I know. She was losing her mind last night on the phone, telling me I needed to come to her house immediately so she could tear open this piece of paper. I still can't believe that I could just like, flip it open and see, ya know? Like our baby's gender reveal is sitting in my bag. That's fucking wild"

We arrived at April and Kevin's home, April sprinting out the door before we even had our seatbelts off.

"GIVE ME IT!" She yelled, her hands slapping the window on Colby's side, both of us laughing as we got out, April's eyes wide as she looked between the two of us.

"You're not allowed to look till we're gone! I don't want to hear or see your reaction!" I warned, April glaring.

"You can't do that to me!"

"Yes I can! It's my baby!" I laughed, helping Colby grab the stuff.

"God, you guys weren't kidding when you said you bought a bunch of stuff"

"I had a vision!"

We entered her backyard, Colby filming on his phone as I laid the canvas down, going through the bag, showing April what we got.

"So I thought we could use these" I showed her the balloons, "and like we fill them with paint and then pop them on the canvas? It be like the correct colors or whatever" I showed her the different paints we got, "And I thought about using like tape or something on the canvas and put like Brock or something? Something more personal? I thought we could test it out and if it didn't work, just scrape that all together" I giggled, letting her dig through the supplies we got.

"Tell the camera what we're doing Leighton" Colby spoke up, getting me to look over my shoulder, seeing his phone pointed at me.

"I'm showing April my idea for the gender reveal" I smiled, starting to get giddy at the fact that we'll know soon.

"I can't believe you're having my baby" he teased, a smirk on his face behind the phone.

"Shut up" I laughed, turning back to focus on the project.

~

"God I'm shitting bricks" I let out a breathy laugh, knowing our guests are going to be here soon.

"I just can't believe you got everyone to come. I mean, Colby's family is flying in, and Sam and Kat are coming" Cynthia noted and I nodded, both of us helping April set up the party.

People started trickling into the house, a few questioning why the windows to the back yard were covered, no one questioning why I was wearing a 3XL hoodie that covered my dress, and bump.

Logan and Sam helped my dad get my mom downstairs in her wheelchair, Landon holding the oxygen tank, mixed feelings bouncing around in my chest as she came into my line of sight.

I was happy to see her here, to be involved, to see her... upright, but it also saddened me to see her just look soo.. lifeless? Fragile? Like with one wrong move, it was over.

I felt a hand grasp mine, causing me to jump, our two hands intertwining as I looked over, seeing Colby was next to me, a sympathetic lazy smile on his face as he squeezed my hand, mouthing "You alright?" to which I nodded.

"Do you think Lexi will show?" I asked quietly, watching Gemma and Harper mess around with Landon and Finley.

"I hope so, but I wouldn't hold your breath. Don't let her ruin your day though, okay?" 

I nodded, Gemma running up to us, Colby picking her up, "How is my Gem Gem?" He asked, a big smile shining on her face.

"Good!"

"Yeah? Are you excited for the party? Excited to see your uncles and cousins?" He asked, Gemma nodding, my hand pulling out my phone to take a photo of them.

"Can you smile for me G?" I asked, Gemma grinning, Colby kissing her cheek as I snapped the photo, snapping another when Gemma started to giggle as Colby messed with her, placing endless kisses on her face.

"Stop!" She squealed, wiggling against his grasp, "Coco!"

"What's the magic word?" He asked, Gemma's adorable laughter catching our friends and families attention, the smile on my face growing as my cheeks tightened.

"Peas!" She begged, Colby shaking his head as Harper came over to try and help, jumping up towards Gemma and Colby before tugging on his shirt, demanding that he put Gemma down.

"Say I love you" He demanded, everyone laughing, both of us knowing Gemma was quite the ham for attention.

"I wuv you!" She giggled, Colby flipping her upside down as her tickled her, his arm staying around her stomach, "I can't hear you"

"I LOOOVE YOU COOOCOOO!" She squealed, catching her breath as Colby turned her right side up again, kissing her cheek, "I love you too Gemma" before setting her down, Gemma running over to me.

"Momma!" She panted, "Coco mean!" 

"He can't be that mean if you've got a big smile on your face, bug" I teased, carefully squatting down, praying to god I didn't pee myself. "But if your feelings are hurt, go tell him" I nodded towards Colby who was now talking to Sam, his body slightly tense as his eyebrows furrowed.

I watched Gemma toddle over to Colby, his little finger stabbing him repetitively in his side, catching his attention; his eyes looking down at her as her arms crossed, there quick exchange ending in a hug and a kiss before Gemma ran back over to me; my brain using every ounce of willpower it could find to keep my arms at my side, and not caress my fluttering stomach.

"Momma!"

"Yes, baby?" I answered, this time not crouching, generally afraid of the baby pressing too hard against my bladder.

"Coco say.. say sworry!" She giggled, her face full of pride and glee.

"He did?" I played along, my eyes flickering between my daughter and my fiancé.

"Yes!"

"I'm so proud of you Gemma Lorraine" I smiled down at her, her beautiful little face reminding me far too much of my own.

Her fathers eyes twinkled bright, but her smile shined just like mine and I swore our smiles were identical to my mothers.

I took a deep breath, my hand brushing her baby hairs out of her face before she ran off to go play with Harper; my eyes glancing back over to where Colby was, only to see that he wasn't there anymore. 

"Hey sis" I heard behind me, my head whipping around quicker than I intended, Logan chuckling when I winced, my hand coming out to smack him.

"Stop doing that!"

"I didn't do anything" he laughed, pulling me into a hug, carefully giving me his big brother hug, gasping when I smacked him on the back of the head. "What the hell, Leighton!"

"You're a dick" I laughed, shoving him away from me, "And you can't hit me back because I'm.... pregnant" I whispered, checking to make sure no one was paying attention. "Now stop scaring the shit out of me every time I see you. You're going to make me pee myself" 

"You didn't even jump!" He defended himself, his eyes crinkling as we grinned at each other. 

"I didn't have to jump to still smack you, you're still an asshole"

"I'm your favorite asshole though" he shot back, both of us grimacing at the way it sounded, "You know what—"

"Actually" I heard behind me, a hand sneaking up on my waist, pulling me into their hold, "I'm her favorite asshole" he murmured against my ear.

Logan was flabbergasted, "Now why didn't you smack him?!"

"Because she loves me" Colby smirked, my hand pinching the sink on his waist, Colby jumping slightly, looking down at me, "You're both equally annoying" I grumbled, moving out of his hold, Colby quickly grabbing my hand, keeping me hostage, "Where are you going?"

My eyebrows raised, "The love of your life has to pee" Colby let go of me and I quickened my pace down the hall, locking myself in the bathroom, practically tripping over my own feet in the rush.

"You've got to stop leaning on my bladder, bubs" I quietly griped, still feeling unstratified as my dress fell down against my thighs, the sound of someone knocking getting drowned out by the toilet flushing. "One sec!"

"It's just me" Colby announced, my fingers quickly pushing in the lock, allowing him to twist open the door as I washed my hands, carefully closing the door behind him, locking it again. "You alright?"

"Mhm"

"You've been in here a while"

"What if I had to poop, huh?"

"This is not your pooping bathroom. It's too public" He snickered, my jaw dropping.

"What does that mean!"

"It means if you had to poop you would've gone upstairs" He chuckled.

"I told you I had to pee"

"When would you ever tell me you had to poop?" He asked, passing me the towel.

 "When it's an emergency"

I ignored his stifled laughter, snatching the oversized hoodie off the counter.

"I can't believe we're telling everyone today"

"I know. Do you think your mom is going to hate me more?" 

"She doesn't hate you, Leighton"

"Well she doesn't love me. I don't buy the nice act. I'd place my bet on the fact that this whole buddy buddy thing is for you. I'm pretty sure if you weren't here, she wouldn't be coming"

"Well, you are having my baby, Leigh"

"That's not the point" I huffed, double checking that my bump was hidden, Colby quickly on my trail to the living room, Katrina being the first new face I spotted.

"Hey!" I greeted, attempting to give my best friendly smile, Colby slipping past us back over towards Sam.

"Hey" She smiled, the awkwardness being enough to make me wish I hadn't said anything.

"Thank you for coming" I smiled, my hands hiding in the sleeve of my hoodie, balling the extra material in my palms.

"Anything for Colby" She passed a tight smile, my lips pursing as I nodded.

"Alight, well uh, I should um.." I pointed back towards my family, Katrina nodding.

God that was awkward.

I mingled for a bit, silently hoping the quietness of the children wouldn't end in destruction.

"Leighton, babe, are you ready?" Colby questioned, eyeing down towards my stomach.

"Your parents?" I mouthed, Colby nodding over towards Sam.

I spotted his brother, his brothers' girlfriend and his parents, confusion washing over my face.

Are they ignoring me too, or is that just something my brain is making up out of insecurity?

"Yeah, I'm ready" I sighed, Colby grabbing my hand, leading me towards the patio door, clearing his throat.

"Hey everyone!" he started, the volume of his voice making heads turn, "I just uh, wanted to tell everyone how much Leighton and I appreciate you showing up, especially on such short notice" I nodded, a smile plastered on my face as the nerves ate away at me. "I'm sure you've gathered that this isn't just a get together" He chuckled, a few people following suit, "Leighton and I actually have been meaning to tell you something" he led on, my eyes immediately finding the most supportive faces I could.

My dad, the small smile on his face as memories flooded through of him finding out, and then Cynthia, and the wave of emotion that brought upon me, Logan right next to her... April, how excited she was to do this whole party. To be involved. 

My eyes scanned the room, catching all of my biggest shoulders to lean on, but there was someone missing.

"Leighton?" Colby nudged, my eyes filling with tears as my smile waivered.

"Colby and I are uh.. um, expecting" I stuttered, the tears threatening to fall as I lifted the hoodie, showing off my beautiful baby's bump.

I scanned the rooms as faces lit up, cheers were let out and people began to huddle closer, hurdling a thousand questions to both of us, passing on congratulations and how they expected this to happen, and yet the person I really wanted by my side wasn't here.

I mindlessly answered the due date question, how my pregnancy has been, when we found out and even how both of us reacted to finding out before excusing myself, throwing the hoodie to the side and rushing back off to the bathroom, carefully falling to my knees as I emptied my stomach.

Tears streamed down my face as I exhaled, leaning back against the cabinets, listening to the flush cycle through.

I don't know how long I sat here, messing up my makeup until the lock clicked open, my eyes squeezed shut, not ready for Colby's reprimanding of leaving my own party.

"Hey" A soft voice surprised me, my eyes popping open as streaks of light continued to hinder my vision, "What's wrong? Everyone's excited" She said, taking a seat next to me.

"What are you doing in here? You don't have to do this" I sighed, wiping under my eyes, not wanting Katrina's pity right now.

"I know" She stated, her shoulder brushing against mine.

My eyes rolled, snatching the toilet paper roll in hope of saving some of my makeup and not looking like a girl the morning after.

Kat sighed, "Why are you hiding out?"

"I'm not hiding"

"Oh, so this isn't looking like that time in the bowling alley?" She joked, the room falling quiet.

"I'm alright. You didn't have to check up on me. I know you aren't my biggest fan—"

"I never said that"

"You don't have to Kat, and it's okay. I don't have to be everyone's friend. It's fine, I just, I don't want your pity either. For whatever reason you're here.. you don't have to be" 

I struggled to push myself up, hesitantly accepting Kat's help, the two of us staying silent as we walked back out to the party, Colby's eyes meeting mine, the room having cleared out; everyone in the backyard.

"What's wrong?" He asked and I shrugged, offering a pity smile, stepping into the backyard.

I found my best actress smile, mingling until it became time to find out what April and I have been waiting for only for Colby to pull me away.

"Leighton, why do you look like a beaten puppy? What happened? People are starting to notice, and I know that's not a big deal, but this should be a happy day. We're finding out our baby's gender!—"

"Gender doesn't even mean anything" I grumbled, snatching a cupcake off the table, undoing the wrapping and taking a bite.

"Yes, of course, we will love that baby no matter what, but it helps us figure out a name" He continued.

"We can name it anything" I huffed.

"I'm just going to stay quiet now" He noted, ignoring my glare as I grabbed another cupcake. "Are we just going to angrily eat cupcakes now or can we talk about why you were crying in the bathroom?"

"Is it that obvious?" 

"Your mascara is a little smudged"

"Shit!" I pulled out my phone, fumbling to open my camera, "I look like shit, Colby!"

"You don't look like shit"

"Shut up" I grumbled, shoving my cupcake at him, "Hold this" before scurrying away to fix my makeup.

I wiped off the smudged disaster, carefully reapplying a hopefully even coat only to be met by Colby again.

"Talk to me, please" he begged, "You're always telling me to communicate-" I shot him a glare, "So please, communicate with me, Leighton"

"Not the time. I need to plaster a happy smile on my face and go find out if we're having a mr or misses Brock"

"Please"

"It's not going to fix anything"

"At least tell me what it's about. Is this still about Lexi?" He asked and I shook my head, "Your mom?" he guessed again, my obvious glare making him continue, "Gabe? Come on, Leigh. Tell me"

"It's Aaliyah" I caved.

"Oh"

"Yeah oh" 

"Have you talked to her since you kicked her out?" He asked, throwing away the mascara covered makeup wipes.

"I've tried to. I wanted to apologize for my actions. Make it up to her, yet I got nothing in return and I'm pissed off that she won't talk to me, and It's my fault and I know that. I do. I know I fucked it up and I know that she was right.. but.. did I mess it up this fucking bad? So bad that she won't show up to my gender reveal party? How was that worse than picking me up from jail? I mean, I know we've both had our moments and shit happens, but it's always water under the bridge. It's always been okay after a little while"

"How about we go see her tomorrow? Tell her the good news, let you guys talk? I know it doesn't fix her not being here now, and I'm sorry that her absence is causing you pain and sadness, but don't let one person's grudge hold back your happiness. It's supposed to be a good day, baby. Gemma's going to tell us if it's a girl or a boy and we can go from there. Whether it be the most beautiful unisex name and nursery and upbringing, or the more basic bitch name that they'll get teased for at school.. this is our baby. Our pride and joy. A piece of our family, and I want to share this joyous moment with you. With our friends and family, our daughter. Please, let's just take a deep breath and go enjoy our day, okay?" He suggested, bringing my knuckles up to his chapped lips.

"Okay"

~

"Are you excited, G?" Colby asked, squatting behind her as we handed her the water balloon full of paint, the canvas propped up by a child size easel, a white tarp covering the fence and grass, creating what will hopefully be a stress free clean up. "You know what to do, right? Just throw this at the white board" He pointed, Gemma nodding, giggling as she messed with the water balloon, the small amount of water and paint shaking up in the black balloon.

"Cameras rolling, right?" I called out, knowing Sam was recording and April was taking photos.

"We're rolling!" He called back out and I nodded, shaking the jitters out of my hands.

We're going to know within seconds.

Blue or pink paint in that balloon changes our entire life.

Was it basic bitch colors? Yes. But it was easy, and Gemma knew what it meant, so fuck everyone else. I'll love my baby no matter what it wants to be, no matter if it's got Colby's shitty communication issues, or my crappy drug issues, or our so called gay gene as Colby puts it, this is my baby and whether it's porn with a penis or vagina, it's part of our family-

"Leighton!" Colby's fairly loud voice shook my thoughts.

"What?"

"Ready?"

"Ready" I nodded, grabbing my own paint filled balloon, Sam stood behind the canvas, capturing our reactions as everyone counted down from 10.

10

9

8

7

"I'm so fucking nervous" I muttered, Gemma practically bouncing in front of us.

"I'm excited" Colby grinned.

5

4

3

"Ready G?" He asked, Gemma nodding.

2

1

"Throw at the board, Gemma!" I gave her the green light, all three of us tossing our paint filled water balloons at the white canvas, the water mixing with the paint making it splatter in chaos against the canvas.

"OH MY GOD!" I shrieked, Colby pulling me into a hug, his arms wrapping around my back and before I knew it, my lips were placed on his.

A moment passed before our eyes fluttered open, wide smiles mirroring each other, our eyes holding gaze for a few seconds before Colby picked up Gemma and spun her around.

"It's a girl, Gemma! Can you believe it? You're going to have a baby sister, lovebug! Are you so excited?" Colby cheered, Gemma giggling as she got tossed in the air, my heart dropping to my stomach until his hands swiftly caught her, littering her in kisses.

It's a girl

We're having a baby girl!

Oh my god

OH MY GOD

"Holy shit" I muttered, my eyes wide as a million things began to go through my head.

We're doing this again.

It's Gemma all over again.

It felt like the past 4 years were replaying through my head. The labor and delivery, the late night feedings, the frills and the sparkles, the barbies and baby dolls.

Times two.

We're doing this again.

My eyes found my mothers, and as lifeless as they looked, I swear I could see life within.

She's going to be a grandmother to another baby girl.

She'll have three granddaughters.

Three beautiful bundles of joy to carry on her legacy.

I quickly walked over to her, carefully crouching in front of her as I wrapped my arms around her.

"You're going to be a grandmother to a baby girl again, mom" my voice cracked, tears starting to roll down my cheeks as I pictured introducing my second daughter to my mother. 

Showing my mother her beautiful eyes, her ten fingers and ten toes, the way her chubby cheeks smiled.

"I can't wait for you two to meet" I smiled, swiping the tear off my own mothers cheek.

"Con......grat....ulat........ions...... su......n.....sh....i....ne"  Her slow raspy voice let out, my entire body crumbling beneath my feet.

"Thank you, mom" 

~

I felt guilty for sitting, watching everyone else help clean up, my gaze lingering a little too long on Colby's mom who has yet to talk to me; in fact, his entire family seems to be avoiding me for reasons I was unsure of — quickly looking away when she'd turn around, only to land on Landon who was sitting next to Finn, Gemma and Harper appearing to be showing them something.

Cynthia plopped down next to me, mirroring my position by kicking her feet up, "Hey creeper"

"Creeper?"

"Mhm"

"I'm not a creeper" I pouted, turning my neck to look at her, taking her appearance

How did she look so good in this heat?

Her hair was pulled into a tight bun, her tight curls falling over the top of it, giving this cute messy look; the blue t-shirt popping against her dark skin, the white shorts making me raise a brow.

"Experimenting?" I half jokingly teased, motioning towards the stark white shorts.

"It's called Logan bought me them and I'm being a supportive wife" She replied, ignoring my laugh.

"He tried. Doesn't he know you never wear white pants? I mean, I think you barely own white sundresses" 

"We're being supportive, Leighton" She chuckled, her lips staying in a tight line, threatening to crack into a smile.

"HEY LOGAN!" I yelled across the yard, catching his attention, motioning towards us.

"Leighton!" Cynthia hissed.

I waved her off, watching my older brother make his way over to me.

"What?"

"Your wife? You're the only white she does. Got it?" My eyebrows raised, Logan's face masking confusion, Cynthia gasping.

"Leighton Rae!"

"What is going on? Was that a race joke? From you?" Logan asked, tossing me a weird look.

"Cynthia says she's being supportive by wearing the ugly white shorts you've bought her. I thought I'd save your marriage and let you know that your wife? Doesn't do white"

Logan and Cynthia began to converse about the drama I've stirred up, Cynthia sending me a harsh glare as I excused myself, wandering back over to the snack table that I know Colby and April have ordered no one to clean up.

"Leighton" Colby's dad greeted, nerves making the muscles in my back tense.

"Mr. Brock" I smiled, hoping he bought it and couldn't read me like the worst book ever written.

"Congratulations on your pregnancy. I can't wait to meet the little one" He tossed me a supportive look, my eyes catching Colby's blue ones, seeing he was talking with Gage and Landon, his face full of worry not setting me at ease by a landmine.

What was he so worried about?

Shouldn't he be happy I was talking to his dad?

"You and I both. I can't believe it's a girl. I honestly thought it was going to be a boy. I literally voted for boy on that game my friend set up" I giggled, my hand running over my stomach, feeling another flutter, naturally starting to rock my hips side to side a little bit, knowing the baby settles with movement, praying to god she didn't add more pressure onto my bladder.

"Take it from a Brock boy, who raised Brock boys.. be glad it's a girl" He laughed, my nerves immediately take ease at how lighthearted he was being.

"That bad, huh?"

"These gray hairs? Gage has one half and Cole has the other. Now if you ask Lesa, they're her perfect boys who've never broken a lamp in their day" He chuckled, my eyes flickering back over to Colby, catching him quickly looking away.

"Got room for more gray hairs? Something tells me  it's about to get a lot more messy" I joked, my hand going in a soothing motion over my stomach.

"You've done this before, it'll be alright" He reassured, my head tilting.

"You just told me the Brock genes gave you gray hairs!" I laughed, "Gemma's working on it, but this one is going to have your son's DNA written all over it. I'm going to need all the help I can get"

"Speaking of" shit, now what? "I've heard you guys have been thinking about moving" double shit. Who told them? Colby... "Have you considered Arizona? I'd love to be a lot closer to my granddaughter" Granddaughter? Singular? What about Gemma?

"Sir... Mr. Brock, as much as I'd love to be closer to you guys.." I caught my lower lip between my teeth, slowly releasing it, "I wouldn't want to get hotter than California, and Arizona sounds god awful. I mean, how do you guys survive? I heard that some days you can cook an egg right on your driveway! That sounds like hell. I mean, how don't you cook alive? California is kicking my ass.. er.. butt, as it is. I can't imagine being pregnant in that kind of weather" I rambled, annoyed at myself and Mr. Brock for not having cut me off sooner. 

Colby I swear to god if you don't come save me—

"It's not terrible all the time" He attempted to coax me into an agreement and I quickly excused myself, pulling the I'm pregnant and need to pee card, praying to god I can outwait this conversation in the kitchen.

I walked into the living room, finding Landon sitting on the couch with Nova, his eyes lighting up when he spotted me, calling out "Leighton!" being a much welcomed disaster.

"Hey" I smiled, plopping down next to him, getting a closer look at his face, my jaw dropping, "How the fuck is your liner so even? What the hell?"

"Years of practice" He teased,  my face shifting into a glare of disbelief, Landon stifling his laughter, clearing his throat, "I actually have been meaning to talk to you"

"Oh?" My ears perked, my head tilting as he chewed his lower lip.

"Yeah, I uh.. It's um.. been... somewhat of a long time coming?" He started, visibly swallowing the lump in his throat.

"Well I already know you're gay" I joked, Landon rolling his eyes. "Just spit it out, you know I'll love you no matter what. I didn't think talking to me was so scary"

"It's not scary, I'm just.. nervous of you disapproving" He led on, my eyes squinting.

"Disapproving? Of what? I've already met your boyfriend"

"Yeah... that's the thing" He murmured, struggling to keep eye contact.

"What? Did you guys break up? I thought you said he was busy today" I interrupted, Landon's lip turning white from how hard he was biting it.

"No we're still together" He eased, confusing me.

"Then what?"

"Well.. uh.." He stuttered, my patience growing thin.

"Spit it out Landon Roy"

"I'm in a polyamorous relationship" He quickly slurred, my lips parting out of shock.

"A poly what now?" I gaped, Landon turning white, uncomfortably shifting away from me. "Wait, so you're in an open relationship?" I asked, my head feeling like it was spinning.

Landon quickly shook his head, "No that's different"

"Then you're a what? What's a poly— poly what? What did you say?"

"Polyamorous"

"Polyamorous" I repeated, Landon nodding. "What's that?"

"It's uh.. well, I'll explain from my perspective to make it easier" he explained, myself nodding, allowing him to continue, "So I am dating Xavier" he stated and I nodded, having already knew that, "And I'm also dating Finley" he dropped the biggest bombshell of my life.

My jaw dropped as my throat became dry, my eyes widened, Landon's reddened cheeks flushing white as he nervously licked his lips.

"You're dating Finn? Like.. like best friend Finn? Like Landon, Finley and Molly, the trio that we once knew to basically be added on siblings? That Finn?" I confirmed, feeling like I got slammed into a wall.

Landon nodded slowly and I blinked a few times, struggling to wrap around whatever the fuck he just told me.

"For how long?" I started, figuring I might as well give him the third degree if my brain wasn't going to keep up in speed. Might as well go on autopilot.

Landon hesitated, "It's been.. a while" 

My eyes narrowed, "Define a while" 

"You're how far along?" He asked, my eyes widened again.

"Landon! Oh my god" I scolded, "I'm almost five months" I glared, scared as to where this was going.

"Um... so around... seven months?"

"SEVEN MONTHS?!" I shrieked, Landon wincing. "WHAT THE FUCK?!"

"I'm sorry" He immediately apologized, his face filling with sorrow as hurt lingered in my chest.

"You've been together for almost a year, and you're just now telling me?!" 

"We uh, wanted to wait-"

"NO SHIT! Seven months is a long time, Landon!"

"I know, I'm sorry" he frowned, my anger beginning to boil.

I thought we were close?

We fucking lived together! How did I miss any sort've signs that he was interested in Finn?!

"We wanted to just test the waters. See if this is really what we wanted... and uh, a few months past, and then I was scared"

"Scared? Scared of what? Of me?" I questioned, my heart feeling heavy when he nodded. "What?" I whispered, "Why?"

"I didn't want to lose you" he confessed.

"Lose me? Lose me, how?"

How could he think that? 

"I didn't want you to judge me? Disagree?... hate me"

"Hate you? Landon, I could never hate you" I reached forward for him, frowning when he yanked his hand back.

"You hate Lexi" he shot back, the creases on my face softening.

"I don't hate her"

"You don't talk to her, and you disagree with her relationship" 

"I disagree with her relationship because of their age gap. It's different when you're older, but when you're so young.. I just.. I don't agree with it"

"You can see why I'd be nervous to tell you I'm poly" He pointed out, my lips pursing.

"I'm sorry I made you think you couldn't tell me" I apologized, hating that he felt the need to hide such a big secret for so long.

Who all knew?

"What's going on in your head?" He asked, surprising me by how mature he sounded.

I always forget he's no longer my annoying twelve year old brother.

"A lot of things" I answered honestly, not even knowing where to start.

"Well, ask away" 

Surprisingly Landon answered every question. He and Braxton broke up because Landon wanted to experiment with being polyamorous; everything slowly starting to piece together at how out of left field their breakup felt. Landon stopped hanging out with Molly as much due to her constantly feeling awkward now that Landon and Finn were in a relationship.

I decided to learn about what being polyamorous meant, Landon explaining that it meant x amount of people were committed to each other like a typical relationship, whereas an open relationship you were able to mess around with anyone. Or at least I think that's what he meant. I don't know, I'm still learning.

"So you're not mad?" He asked quietly and instead of answering I pulled him into a hug.

"I'm not mad. I'm curious and have a shit load of questions, but I'm not mad. Thank you for finally telling me, and I'm sorry that you felt like you couldn't just because of how I reacted with Lexi. I love you, Landon"

~

"Leighton, I don't understand why you're so nervous" Colby expressed, holding the door open to a somewhat nice apartment complex.

Clearly Aaliyah had to of gotten have her feet to afford this place.

"Because what if she doesn't want to ever talk to me again? Colby, you don't understand. We're never like this. Even when we're mad at each other, we get over it! It's rare for us to go this long without at least texting each other" 

"Leigh, I understand. Believe it or not, I've known you longer than you're currently giving me credit for" He snickered, my finger jabbing into the elevator button as I tried to calm the nerves in my stomach.

Colby's hand rubbed soothing circles on my lower back as I rang the bell, praying I had the right apartment.

Is she going to slam the door in my face? Will she hear me out? Can we finally patch up this ridiculous tiff we had?

We were met with silence. 

"Do I try again?" I asked softly, my voice dripping in insecurity, Colby shrugging, allowing me to hit the bell again.

I tried knocking, ringing the bell a third and fourth time before giving up.

"Maybe she's not home?" Colby suggested and I sighed, running my hand through my fairly long black hair.

With one final attempt failing, we quietly walked back to our car, no one saying a word until we reached a stoplight near my parents house.

"I'm sorry you didn't get to talk to her" Colby said softly, my head leaning back against the headrest.

"I just, I don't understand, ya know? Like I want to fix this. I want my best friend back. I want to share this with her and I feel like she wants nothing to do with me. Did I really burn our bridge over something so fucking stupid?"

"Leighton, you can't control how other people respond to things. The best you can do is keep trying. Maybe she's busy, maybe she wasn't home?" He rambled off, the feeling of his eyes on me becoming hard to ignore as I kept my gaze held outside the passenger side window. "Leigh?"

"Hm?"

"Are you okay?" He asked, his hand grabbing mine, getting me to look at him.

"I'll be fine"

"That isn't what I asked"

"I don't want to talk about it because I know it's my fault, and I regret it enough as it is"

"Okay...." he glanced back over at me, our eyes meeting for a few seconds before I looked back out the window, "Have you asked your boss about the trip?"

"I have"

"And?"

"It got approved. Four days off"

"Four days?"

"Don't push your luck Brock, I've got bills to pay" I warned, Colby smirking as he shook his head.

"I wasn't pushing my luck"

"Mhm"

"I wasn't!" He laughed, his smirk growing into a grin when he noticed my face was slipping to keep it's careless posture. "Come on! It's going to be fun, Leigh"

"I know it will be fun. I'm just nervous"

"Well don't be" He teased, my eyes rolling.

"Haven't heard that one before"

"Someone's moody" he hummed, his lips rolling inwards when I glared at him.

"I'm sad. I'm mad. I'm annoyed. I'm hungry and can't have fast food—"

"Why can't you have fast food?" he interrupted, his brows furrowed.

"Because I've had one too many McDonalds milkshakes and then thrown up afterwards"

"Ah. So we're done with the milkshakes? What's your current pregnancy obsession if it isn't hangover food?"

"Pretzels" I chuckled, "And chocolate. Anything chocolate is great"

"Oh!" he quickly opened the center console, blindly digging around before pulling out a small bag of something, "Here! I uh, I don't know how melted they are, but they were once Reeces" he snickered, handing me the orange bag.

I dug one out, seeing they were melted, and then resolidified, and slightly melted again, "How long have these things been in there?"

"I don't know"

"Colby!" I shrieked, laughter following behind my shock, "Were you planning on poisoning me?!" my chest shook from failed attempt of holding back my laugh, tossing the back into the cupholder. "You're going to need to start storing snacks in here if you want me riding with you to the Airbnb" 

"I get the pleasure of you riding with me?" He asked, his gaze lingering as we waited at a stop sign.

"Only if you bring snacks"

"I don't know if I want pregnant Leighton has my copilot" he snickered.

"Hey! You got me pregnant! I don't want to hear your complainants!"

"So I'm thinking we leave two days after Kat's birthday? That way her and Sam can go do their thing, and then we can all start the few hour drive there?" Colby checked in, his head tilting when my lips pursed, "What?"

"We're not doing anything with Kat for her birthday?"

"Baby, I think they want to just do their own thing"

"But you always do stuff with her for her birthday?" 

"We can do a bigger thing at the rental, how about that? Plus, I thought you guys didn't get along? You've made it clear that she isn't your favorite person to hang around, why I invited more people than just her and Sam to come with us"

"I don't hate her, I just... we don't mix well, ya know? We're different in a way that if we didn't have you and Sam forcing us to hang out, we wouldn't really hang out. She was great and all when I was pregnant, and had the baby, but I don't think us on our own works well"

"How is it that you and Sam are like best friends, but you and Kat don't get along?" He chuckled, my eyes lingering on his arms as he turned the wheel, biting my lower lip as I watched his muscles flex a little, doing a somewhat U-turn move.

"It's not that we are at each other's throats, it's just... we don't mix well. We have different interests, different conversations.. I just, I don't think we would make good friends outside of our common interests of you and Sam, or even just Gemma. Nothing against her, we just— It's not like how her and Stas can have sleepovers, and Stas and I can have sleepovers. We can't be alone. It's honestly kind of awkward"

"Alright well, this time around we get the master bedroom instead of them. They can have your little closet nook"

"Hey! I liked my closet nook" I frowned, not understanding what Colby had against my little cozy hobbit hole.

"It has a twin bed in it, Leighton. I don't know how you survived being pregnant in that thing"

"If I remember correctly, you squeezed into that twin bed, in fact, you yanked me out of it—"

"I was quite rough with you, wasn't I?" He chuckled, "You should've told me you were pregnant. I would've gone easier on you"

"I can't believe we're going back" I sighed, astonished that this was really happening again.

"I know. So much has changed since then" he agreed.

"I know, you got me pregnant and put a ring on my finger" I giggled, wiggling my fingers in front of us, the ring twinkling against the sunlight.

"If you like it then you should've put a ring on it!" He began to sing, my hand coming over to cover his mouth, shrieking when he licked me, only to feel another flutter in my stomach.

Every time I feel the baby move, it feels surreal.

There is life growing inside of me, and these little flutters keep proving that.

"Here, hand me your hand" I rushed, Colby sending me a weird look, "Shut up, just give me your hand" 

I placed his hand on my stomach, Colby constantly looking between me, my stomach and the road, "What are you doing?"

"I keep feeling a flutter and I want to know if you can feel it too!" 

"A flutter?"

"Mhm! Remember when Gemma would kick? I don't know if the baby is positioned enough to feel it on the outside of the stomach, but I keep feeling a similar sensation in my tummy. Make me laugh again" I demanded, Colby stifling his laughter.

"I can't just make you laugh on demand"

"Yes you can! Come on, do it. You're not allowed to tickle me!" I warned, not wanting to pee my pants in his car.

"This is a lot of pressure!" He exclaimed, getting me to giggle, but not enough to make my chest shake. "Oh! Remember when we went to Minnesota and I had met your Aunt and Uncle and we had that dance party in the kitchen making those pizzas? I truly thought your uncle was going to disown me" 

"I'm shocked Aunt Ginger didn't disown Melissa" I giggled, memories of dancing with the Rotty's flashing through my mind. "We should go back" I sighed, missing the environment that was my Aunt and Uncle's house. 

"Tell me when to book the flight and we'll go"

"We can't. I have too many responsibilities"

"Leighton, you've got to live a little"

"I am! I am living! This is me living! I can finally get a good job now that I don't have my record over my head. I can possibility go to college"

"You want to go to school?" He questioned, putting the car into park outside my parents house.

I chewed on the inside of my cheek, "I've thought about it"

"Really? What would you go to school for?"

"I don't know... I want to do something though, ya know?"

"Is this you wanting to go to school for yourself, or to prove to others that you aren't a fuck up?" He asked, fully turned to look at me.

"You know" I sighed, "I'm learning that doing shit for others is getting me nowhere. I think I want to do this for myself. To feel accomplished. To feel worthy of something"

"Leighton, you're worthy of everything. You've already accomplished so much. If you want to go to school, I'll support you, but you don't need to do this just to add it to a list of accomplishments to show off. You're never going to be truly happy if you don't do it for yourself. Be proud of the list you made to show yourself, not others" He gave my hand a squeeze before taking his keys of the ignition, unclipping his seatbelt and opening the door, only to turn back to look at me, "Plus, I think having two incredible daughters is already such a huge accomplishment" he winked before climbing out of the car and shutting the door, leaving me alone.

Having two kids was an accomplishment, but what about my best friend? My mother? My sister? Having those people by my side as I achieved these things?

What am I going to tell my daughters when they ask what life was like before them? Or when they were growing up? 

That I'm a drug addicted fuck up? That I lost everyone I loved and had to piece it all together, only to repeat it again?

"Leighton? Are you coming?" Colby called out, his voice muffled from the closed car doors.

I nodded, unclipping my own seatbelt and climbing out of the car, shutting the door, allowing him to lock it.

"You alright?" He asked, motioning for me to walk in front of him up the sidewalk and steps. 

I nodded, pulling the storm door open, Colby's hand reaching out to hold it above my head.

"Coco!" Gemma yelled, scooting off the couch and running over to us, Colby happily picking her up.

Having two incredible daughters is already an accomplishment... Right?

* * * * 

This was supposed to be out days ago but I was preoccupied having a birthday and seeing Taylor Swift lol I apologize 

I also apologize for it being another girl, but it was already written into the storyline when I realized how annoying that kind of is... 

My next Colby book he will have a son, I promise lol it's already planned - I kind of always write kids into my books if you can't tell lol

Lastly, did anyone suspect Landon's secret??? 

Written on: June 12th, 18th, 19th, 20th, 21st, 22nd, 26th, 27th, 28th 2023

Published on: June 28th 2023

Word Count: 7449

Part Sixteen

[britswriting]

Devotion (18)

Devotion Masterlist

Read on wattpad

T/W: Self harm! - not graphic detail, just a little brief thought process explanation that can be triggering!

C/W: brief smut

*Leighton's POV*

The anxiety I felt as I waited at the restaurant table for Colby felt completely unknown.

I couldn't sit still for the life of me. I was convinced I looked like a crazy person as I fiddled with my straw, my leg constantly bouncing and my thumb endlessly scrolling through my phone.

What if I was making the wrong choice?

With us selling my parents house, I decided it was time to grow up and move back in with Colby; after all, if we were going to make this relationship work, and actually raise a family together, it would be extremely useful if we were under the same roof. The only thing is I had a few rules I wanted to enforce first; and the idea of telling Colby what those things were was honestly making my heart beat out of my chest.

On top of my feeling like I was running for my life, all whilst sitting at this booth, Colby was running late.

I resisted the urge I had to text him, by texting Aaliyah a few times, wanting to see when she was free to meet up, or even just open to a phone call, but it was complete radio silence on her end.

Half an hour later than we agreed on, I was starting to get fed up, hitting call on Colby's contact only for him to finally walk through the restaurant door.

"I'm so sorry" He immediately apologized, sliding into the booth across from me.

"You're half an hour late, Colby" I huffed, leaning back against the booth.

"I know, and I apologize. I left the house late and then I hit traffic, I'm sorry" he explained and I licked my lips, nodding as I reached for my drink, Colby wiggling a little in his seat, "You're mad" he sighed. "I didn't mean to be late, I swear"

"I'm not mad" I mumbled, setting my drink back down, "I'm just irritated. Waiting is one thing, waiting half an hour is another. Especially when you're anxious about what you want to discuss, and everyone at the restaurant is sending you pity looks because it looks like you're being stood up on on a date"

"I'm sorry" he repeated.

"It's fine. Let's just order" I replied softly, my foot tapping against the worn tile.

"You haven't ordered?" Colby asked, sounding surprised, and maybe even a little guilty, "Leighton, you didn't have to wait for me"

"I didn't know you were going to be half an hour late. It's fine, I wanted to eat with you anyway"

We both ordered our food, Colby asking how Gemma's been and if we've continued our preschool search to which I informed him that I put in a few applications but I wasn't sure if any of them were really going to work out.

I also mentioned that I had put in my two weeks notice at my fast food job since I landed a new position working at a retail store that had better pay; to which he congratulated me on.

"At least you're out of the shitty fast food field" he muttered quickly, glancing around causing me to giggle.

"It wasn't too bad. I mean, I wasn't dealing with all the costumers really anymore, it's just... the smell, and being pregnant.. it was rough. With the new job, sure I start a little lower on the totem pole, but I plan to keep this job whilst I go through my first few years of college" I started to explain, Colby's brow furrowing.

"Your first few years of college? You're finally doing that?" he asked and I nodded slowly, "Not to uh, sound unsupportive, but how do you plan to manage having a four year old, a newborn, a new career and go to school? You're going to get burnt out Leighton"

I felt my walls start to quickly build up as I took a deep breath, reminding myself to listen to him.

I understood where he was coming from, it was a lot.. but what, was I just supposed to put these things on hold because I have kids? Many people accomplish these goals with families, why couldn't I?

"I'll figure it out" I shrugged, Colby giving me a weird look.

"I understand that... but doesn't it seem just a little bit.. uh, out of reach? A little in over your head?" He asked, a frown tugging on my lips.

"I need to go school Colby. I want to go to school. I want to feel accomplished in that way"

"I understand. When do you plan on signing up?" he asked.

"Well, I was thinking not for a little bit. I mean, I don't want to miss a lot of school when I'm in labor, and I know the newborn days will be rough.. so I was thinking maybe when she's a few months old? Gemma was in hopefully preschool, or some sort of afternoon activity? I wasn't thinking like starting tomorrow, if that's your concern"

By the time our food arrived, Colby and I ate a little bit before he finally asked, "So what is it that has you're anxiety acting up? I didn't think I was that nerve racking to talk to"

"It's not that I'm nervous to talk to you" I chuckled, "It's just.. to be honest, I'm nervous of making the wrong decision. I don't necessarily have the most perfect track record" I stated, Colby snickering at me, slipping the pickle off of his plate and onto mine.

"Just tell me. We can figure it out together, but I can't help if I don't know what you're worried about"

I sighed, taking a deep breath, flicking the salt from the fries off of my fingers before letting my eyes find his, "So you know how my dad's decided to sell the house?" I started, Colby nodding, "Well, it got me thinking about how uh, um, I kinda.. need a place to sleep, ya know?" I nervously laughed, "So I was thinking.. maybe G and I could move back in?" I slowly got out, Colby's eyes widening a little as his lips parted.

"You're serious?"

"Well.. yeah. Is that... is that okay?"

"Leighton! That's more than okay! That's all I've wanted. Oh my god, you're not joking, right?" He had me reconfirm, my head shake making a boyish grin show up on his face, "When are you planning on moving back in? Do you need help? I'm willing to help" he quickly rattled, the 0 to 100 energy taking me by surprise.

"I don't know yet, I need to figure it all out. I was uh— Okay, listen to my full sentence before you get too excited" I started, Colby's eyes narrowing a little as he nodded. "I would like to start the process of looking into buying a house. Or lease is coming to an end of December, so instead of renewing.. I was thinking.. we could buy a house together? I want to test the waters a little bit when we first move back in before jumping into the deep end, but that's where my head has been at. I just.. I want to start building our life together properly. I want to start with a house. I mean, our apartment is getting quite cramped, Colby. The room that is currently your office would have to become the nursery, which isn't fair to you. We don't have space for if Sam wanted to come stay with us, or when Gemma starts having sleepovers. I just really want us to have more space. More area to live in. I want to start getting ready with a nursery, and putting together a real space to call our own. A space where we can paint the walls, and change our fixtures" I rambled, the grin never falling off of Colby's face as he nodded at what I was saying.

"You're nesting" he chimed in, my eyes rolling, even though I knew he was right. "So step one, you move back in, step two, we look for a house" He nodded, making me laugh.

"So you're on board?"

"Are you kidding? I'm more than on board, Leighton! I'm driving fucking ship! You're coming back home! Gemma's coming back home! I'm so—" he paused, his head shaking out of disbelief, my cheeks becoming tight from the smile on my face.

"Ah ah" I tsked, shaking my head, "Don't get too ahead of yourself. I have uh, rules, I want you and me to follow" I warned, Colby freezing.

"Rules?"

"Mhm" I hummed, "The first one I'm not willing to change my mind on" I continued, watching the apprehensiveness tense up his muscles.

"Okay..."

"I want a sober house." I stated, chewing on my lower lip as my leg bounced a little, waiting for his reaction.

"A sober house?" He repeated, myself nodding, "Like, drinking?"

"And drugs"

His forehead wrinkled, "I don't do drugs"

"But I do. I said you and me. Not just you. I want us both to agree to this"

"Okay... I uh, I can do that" He nodded, surprising me that there was no push back.

"Really? You're not gonna argue with me?"

"Leighton, you're worth more to me than alcohol. If anything, drinking has really ruined both of our lives. I want you, and Gemma, way more than I do a beer, or whiskey"

"A sober house means a sober house though, Colby" I repeated, "That means if Sam comes over, there is no drinking in our house"

I watched realization appear on his face, my stomach dropping.

Is this where we're going to have problems?

"Like.. forever?" He asked and I nodded slowly, afraid of everything crumbling beneath me.

"At least for now" I settled, feeling like I was walking on a rickety bridge with a few loose boards, really clutching onto my life with every inhale that Colby took.

"For now? What does that mean?"

"I don't want to limit you forever. I just, I don't want it in our house for now. For a while. I don't want the temptations or the reminders whilst I continue to work on becoming confident in my willpower of recovery. I want to say goodbye to the substances that have ruined my life. Plus, with your recent track record of a DUI, I just don't want it to be available under our roof. That doesn't mean you can't go out to the bar, or drink at someone else's house, I just.. well, if you do that, I'd really like you to confirm with someone who isn't going, even if that's just me, to come get you. I don't want you to have any chance to get another DUI, whether you think you're capable or not. I just worry, is all..." I sighed, Colby nodding, a guilty look in his eye as his shoulders slumped.

"I'm sorry I've caused you to worry. That was never intention"

"I know, I just.. I don't want the opportunity to drink alone, or on a whim to be available. Nothing good has come from it"

"I'm willing to try. It's kind of habit to buy alcohol just have on hand" He said and I nodded, understanding what he meant since he normally drank with his friends. "Is that your only rule? No substances?" He asked and I shrugged, playing around a little bit with my food.

"I want us to take our meds together"

His brow furrowed, "You don't trust me?"

"At this moment? No. But, then we both know. I know you took your anti depressant and you know I've taken my shit load of pregnancy vitamins and my own anxiety medication. It's not like I'm just standing there and making sure you've swallowed it" I giggled, "I just thought maybe, to ease both our mines, we make it a habit that we do it together each morning" I did a small shoulder shrug, Colby nodding slowly.

"I can try. You'll have to remind me"

"Okay, I can do that. One more thing" I held up my finger, Colby's head tilting. "I want us to start our mornings off together with Gemma, and finish our evenings together. I want her to see us as a unit. A family. I understand we have work, and it's easier said than done, but whether it's a quick phone call, or whatever.. I just want us to figure it out. I really want us both to be there for her; especially since we have another little one on the way. I don't want it to be Leighton Fox and Colby Brock. I want Leigh and Colby. Does that make sense?"

"That's harder for me to agree to due to how long some of our nights can get, especially with us traveling out of town. I think we need to reconsider the whole morning and night thing if I'm gone. That's a lot harder to swing when I'm working" His lips pursed, my own rolling into a thin line.

"I just don't want Gemma, or myself to feel forgotten about when you're working. We've gone so long without each other that I don't want to continue to walk in our old habits. I can tell you right now I'm going to need a lot of help with this baby, and Gemma. You can't work as much when the baby is born. Gemma was hard. I mean, you know that" I pointed out, remembering when he had babysat her for me when I went back to rehab, "But it's going to be a lot harder now that she'll be going to school and becoming more of a real person and less of a little blob attached to my hip, plus having a new baby. I just want us to be on the same page"

"Why do you think I don't want to be a part of this family?" He suddenly asked, catching me off guard.

"What? Is that a rhetorical question?" I asked, Colby shaking his head, "What do you mean?"

"Everything you're saying, you're saying it like I'm joining the family. Not creating the family. I feel like I'm your friend whose helping out with Gemma again, rather than your fiancé who is biologically the father of your unborn child"

"I apologize if that's how it sounded. I just wanted us to be on the same page considering we haven't been under the same roof in a while, and the last time we were didn't go to well"

Colby agreed to do his best, the two of us finishing our lunch as we discussed when I would move back in, Colby hesitantly agreed with me when I told him I wanted to help my dad with packing and cleaning up the house so it was able to be listed on the market.

~

"Put that down!" I shrieked, Colby going through my old school projects my mom had tossed in a box under the stairs.

"What? It's cute" He laughed, shaking the kindergarten art project that was a paper plate with googley eyes and pipe cleaners.

"I can't believe she kept that" I huffed, setting my box of old school papers to the side.

"You're telling me you want to throw this out? Look at it's eyes!" He shook the plate.

"No!"

"Look into it's eyes and tell it you don't want it" He moved the plate closer to me, my nose wrinkling.

"I don't want it!"

"Leigh, we can't just throw away your entire childhood" He chuckled, tossing the old art project into one of the trash bags.

"Well we can't keep everything. Where are we going to put it in the apartment?" I asked, trying to hold back my smug smile.

"We can put them in a storage locker, you know?" he mentioned, "If we're buying a house, there is going to be room for your sentimental things. You don't have to throw them all out. Do you plan on just getting rid of all these memories?" he asked, grabbing another art project.

"I just figured they'd be taking up space. Do you have your old projects?" I asked, moving onto another bin.

"I think my mom has them" he chuckled, my lips pursing as I glanced up at him.

"And you're giving me shit?"

"I wasn't giving you shit, you're just getting rid of like everything"

"Well I don't know what I want to keep, so might as well" I shrugged, shoving another bin out of the way once I realized it was Logan's shit.

"What are you doing?" Gemma's tiny slightly slurred voice asks, her little body peering over my shoulder.

"We're going through mommy's childhood stuff, want to help?" I asked, Gemma shaking her head making me laugh.

"What do you think of mommy's old project?" Colby asked, holding up yet another art project I didn't remember.

"Looks silly" she giggled, Colby handing it to her, "Momma make dis?"

"Mhm"

"Mommy's gotten better" She giggled, my jaw dropping in offense.

"You don't think this is good? I was like eight when I made this!" I fake shrieked, swiping the paper of dried water colored paint from her.

"Messy!" she giggled, pointing at my work, my jaw still dropped but I stayed quiet, shaking my head as her and Colby conversed about another art project.

Gemma stayed with us for a little bit before running off when Harper got here, Logan having come over to go through his own bins of shit.

"Think Lexi will come do hers?" He asked, a few containers of her stuff getting shoved towards the stairs.

"I don't fucking know. For all I know she's never speaking to me again" I huffed, sliding my now gone through bin over to Colby.

"I guess Landon has heard from her? I don't know much more than that" He informed, speaking again when I stayed quiet, "Leighton? You alright?"

I swallowed the emotions that were building in my throat, nodding, "It just sucks, that's all" I replied quietly, pulling out a folder of old tests that had all sorts of different grades on them, tossing the entire folder into the trash pile.

"Woah, what was all that?" Colby asked, the loud thud catching his attention.

"My old tests, I don't know why she kept those" I snickered, "I mean, a lot of them were from like middle, high school"

"Oh I need to see these. What kind of student was Leighton Fox?" Colby rhetorically asked, picking up the worn red folder that had faded edged due to it being a $2 cardboard folder from a decade ago.

"B....B plus... C minus... d plus?" His eyebrow raised at me, pulling out one of my math sheets to show Logan and I the bright red D- written on the top with a circle around it.

"Shut up, I wasn't good at math, leave me alone!" I defended, Colby chuckling as he continued to dig through the papers, reading off all of my different grades, "A plus in science?" his eyebrow raised.

"And?"

"You're a science nerd, huh?"

"Why? Because one paper from the seventh grade has an A plus? I probably cheated on it anyway" I snickered, Logan tsking. "Shut up! You cheated all the time! None of us have math genes and you got all A's all the fucking time" I rolled my eyes, Logan faking offense, "I did not"

"You did too! You were too busy tryna get into Miranda's pants"

"She was hot and a cheerleader!" He defended himself, my eyes rolling as Colby snickered.

"You thought all cheerleaders were hot, but didn't dare look at the other jock kids. You were shallow in high school. Glad Cynthia changed your ways" I teased, Logan's eyes rolling.

"What's this?" Colby asked, stopping our augmented banter.

"What's what?"

"This" Colby turned a piece of paper around.

"Oh" I stated, my eyes locked on the photo in front of me.

"That's Lex and Leigh" Logan answered for me, Colby's brow furrowed as he turned the photo back around.

"That's Leighton?" he confirmed, Logan nodding.

"Mom had us get professional photos done when the twins were babies. They made a whole day out of it and Leighton was so crabby the entire car ride because she skipped her nap" Logan snickered, "And I remember having to feed her some of my snacks so she'd stop crying and waking the babies. She never paid me back" He cocked an eyebrow, turning to look at me.

"Whatever" my eyes rolled, "You were just as annoying"

"Oh yeah? I bet you don't even remember that day" he shot back, my eyes narrowing.

"You were these ugly blue suspenders that you threw a fit about because mom wanted you to wear the gray ones so you'd match; but your blue ones had Batman on them"

"Do you have more photos of you as a toddler?" Colby asked, glancing around the mess we had created.

"Mom has a few photo albums, why?" I asked.

"I just, I never realized how much you look like Gemma"

My head shook, "Really? I don't see it"

"You had blonde hair as a toddler, so does she. Granted, it's started to darken a little bit" he turned the photo back around, "But you guys look very similar"

"She has a lot of Gabe's features though" I shrugged, hoping Logan doesn't go dig out the family albums considering he also has embarrassing photos in there.

Colby got quiet, the silence lingering as I shoved a box titled "Logan's High School CDs" towards him, pulling out another that was labeled "Leighton + Lexi baby clothes" piquing my interest as I lifted the lid, Colby's throat cleared; "Do you think our baby will look like you? You and Gem?" He asked, my hands pulling out different articles of clothes.

"Hm?" I hummed, looking up at him.

"I asked if you thought our baby will look like you girls"

I shrugged, "I mean, I think G looks like her dad, so maybe our baby will look like you. Just take my genes out of the equation completely" I snickered, Colby shaking his head.

"I want my baby to look just like you. I want all your genes, even the crazy ones" he grinned, my jaw dropping.

"Hey!"

"You're beautiful, Leighton. Our girls would be lucky to look like you. I honestly want our littlest one to have your beautiful eyes and smile"

"Yours are just as pretty, she's lucky either way" I complimented back, Logan fake gagging making us laugh. "Was this mine or Lexi's? Do you remember?" I asked Logan, pulling out an old baby dress.

"Was probably both of yours"

"I'm keeping this for the little one" I murmured, setting it aside and pulling out another, "Oh my god look at these little overalls"

"That has you written all over it" Logan laughed, my smile widening as I stared down at it, wishing I had found this box sooner when Gemma was a baby.

"I can't wait to dress our baby in cute things" I sighed, Colby grabbing my accumulating pile of clothes and putting them into one of our keep bags.

"Have you guys thought any more about baby names? Cynthia said it was quite the hot topic lately"

"Gemma suggested the name Rosie, and I agreed to humor her, but that isn't happening" I chuckled, grunting as I pushed myself up onto my knees; Colby grabbing my hand to help steady me.

"We like the name Zoe and Riley. We've tossed around Parker and Collette" Colby said, Logan nodding along.

"I don't like the way Collette sounds with Brock. That's our problem" I began, "Colby's got such an annoying last name that making names sound good is a struggle"

"Leighton's just overly picky is the real problem"

"Oh whatever, you hated my name ideas. Don't act like you're easy to please either" I scoffed.

"We thought about naming Harper, Melanie" Logan chimed in, surprising me.

"Really? Why?"

"Family name for Cynthia"

"Ah" I turned to face Colby, "Do you have any good family names?"

"I mean, my mom would die if we named our baby after her, but uh.. I don't really want to do that" he chuckled, his cheeks tinting pink.

"To be fair, Lesa is hard to use for a middle name — Oh! Speaking of your parents!"

"Oh god" Colby groaned.

"Your dad is trying to talk me into moving to Arizona"

"What?" Colby asked, his face scrunching up, "Why?"

"They want us to be closer for their grandbaby"

He was quiet for a moment before asking, "Do you want to?"

"What? Move to Arizona?" I questioned, Colby nodding, "God no, but I didn't know how to tell him that. I kind of just shrugged and moved on..."

"I don't want to move to Arizona either. If they want to be closer to the grandkids, they gotta come our way" Colby chuckles, "You'd murder me if I dragged you somewhere even hotter"

"You guys are moving?" Logan asked, looking between Colby and I.

"We were talking about it" I informed my brother, Colby nodding.

"Out of state?"

"Uh.. no? I don't know. I don't really want to leave mom"

"Well whatever you decide to do, factor in how long it takes for you to visit because I can't live without my niece"

"What about me?!"

"I've had you around my neck for 20 years" He teased, Colby snickering when I scoffed.

"You're both mean" I huffed, making an attempt to get up off the floor, pushing away the helpful hands before finally giving in, groaning and glaring at Colby as I tried to walk away, his hand keeping hold of mine as he pulled me back into him; "I could never get enough of you Leighton Rae" he murmured, pulling me in for a kiss, groaning when I turned my face so his lips met my cheek instead.

"Daaamn! Someone's in the dog house!" Logan laughed, my hand going behind my back to flip him off, wiggling out of Colby's hold and walking off.

I flicked on the bathroom light, jumping when I saw Colby standing behind me in the mirror.

"You've got to stop meeting me in the bathroom" I panted, my heart beating out of my chest.

He laughed, moving to wrap his arms under my own, clasping around my stomach, "Are you mad at me?" he hummed against my ear, resting his chin on my shoulder as we watched each other in the mirror.

"No"

"Why'd you walk off?"

"I've been sitting for over an hour. Shit hurts. You try carrying the baby next time" I sighed, leaning back to rest my head against his shoulder.

"I'm sorry you're in pain, I wish I could make it better; but it'll all be worth it, I promise"

"Can I ask you something?" I asked softly, chewing on my lower lip, watching the way his eyes flickered between one of my nervous habits and the wary settling in my eyes.

"Always"

"Did you think I'd be a good mother?"

I watched the way his lips pursed slightly, his brows pulling inwards as he took a breath through his nose; "What makes you ask that?" he asked, the pit forming in my stomach.

"Well, you didn't like me... and then you found out I was pregnant.. and you kinda.. came to my rescue? Did you worry? That I was like.. a bad person or something? I just... sometimes I feel like I don't deserve this. Like I don't deserve her, and maybe she would be happier with a different family. Maybe I don't love her enough. Maybe I'm not enough, ya know? I'm quite fucked up, ya know?" I slightly joked, my eyes filling with tears, causing them to flutter shut in hopes he didn't notice the waterfall that was threatening to cascade down my quivering chin.

"Baby, you're more than enough. You can't sit here asking what if. Gemma smiles and laughs all day long. She has a roof over her head. A warm dinner on the table every night. She gets a goodnight kiss and her blankets tucked in around her, keeping her safe from all the monsters that you swear aren't there, every night. Just because you have a past, that doesn't mean you can't change and grow. You're a wonderful mother in your own way, just like everyone else. There is no perfect mother, but you're perfect to me"

"That's nice and all, but that didn't answer my question" I chuckled, a tear rolling down my face, my hand quickly swiping it away, Colby frowning.

"Why are you crying?"

"Because that's what I know how to do best" I joked again, sniffling as my eyes squeezed shut, wanting it to stop.

"Talk to me baby" He urged softly, turning me around so we were face to face, his hands coming up to cradle my face, causing me to keep my eyes on him.

The longer the thoughts whirled around in my head, the more my eyes begin to sting as a struggled sob escaped past my lips, the tightness in my throat becoming too much to handle as I wobbled out, "Sometimes I think I'm not the reason people stick around" the tears falling quick, the heat of them causing warmth to spread around my red cheeks; the glistening streaks bringing a frown to Colby's face.

"Is this about the joke Logan made earlier? — Leighton, you know he was kidding. You guys are siblings. You love each other more than I can even understand"

"But what if the words hold more weight than I know?" I worried, my insecurity beginning to spread like a mental pandemic as I started to question everyone's place in my life.

"Leigh" he sighed, "You are loved. You are wanted. You're enough. I want you. Logan wants you. Your dad wants you. Your mom wants you. Your daughters want you—"

"But what about Kat, huh? Or Aaliyah? What about them? What about Lexi? What if my parents are letting me in because of Gemma? What if they still think I'm this fucked up kid who's ruining their life, but they want Gemma to have a good life, so they're keeping her shitty mother around" Colby's eyes showed confusion as I continue to ramble; "What if I fuck up again, and again, and again, and again? Then what? It's bound to happen, Colby! I'm going to lose my daughter one day and I just.." my face scrunched up as a sound of agony filled the bathroom.

"You're not going to lose her, Leighton. You're doing everything in your power to keep her. You are worthy of her Leighton. I don't care what your mind is telling you. It's not true. — Wait, is this why you want a sober house?" he asked, my head shaking.

"I can't get her into preschool, Colby" my hoarse voice spoke out, "I'm already failing her"

"You're not failing her, Leighton. She doesn't need to go to preschool. Everything she learns at preschool, she can learn at home" he tried to reassure me as my head shook in disagreement.

"I'm scared" I quietly confessed, sniffling again, my nose turning pink as my hand wiped across it.

"Of what?"

"This baby"

I watched his body tense, before falling as his eyes flickered with worry.

"The baby? Why?"

"I don't want to repeat history, Colby"

"Repeat history, how?"

My eyes squeezed shut as the burn began to get warmer; "I hate myself for this" I spoke through a clenched jaw.

"Leighton?"

"Maybe you're right" I started, opening my eyes but keeping them away from his blue ones.

"About?"

"About... about.. about me being in over my head"

"Leighton" he sighed, my head starting to shake again.

"Do you think I'm selfish?" I asked softly, Aaliyah's words ringing through my ears louder than ever.

Colby stayed quiet for a second too long, my lips forming into a tight line as I nodded, my finger wiping under my water line as I pushed past him, biting my lip to prevent the sound of my cries from escaping.

I scurried down to the basement, softly closing the door, crawling into my bed as I stared at the ceiling, tears rolling down my cheeks.

My hands rested over my bump, a larger lump forming in my throat as my mind began to spiral.

Would we still be together if I wasn't pregnant?

Would Colby's family like me if I wasn't having his baby?

Did I even deserve to have this baby?

Flashes of Gemma as a newborn flickered through my brain like an old movie; Gabriel's harsh words as I poured my breast milk down the drain. Gemma's constant crying and my lack of bonding with her feels like a heavy weight on my chest.

I knew Gabe's mother was right.

I would always be a fuck up. I mean, you can't exactly never be an addict ever again. One drink always turns into two; one blow one time turning into a lifetime of dependency to the point that I can't even properly care for my children.

I've always had the thought in the back of my head that Katrina only stuck around me because I was having Gemma... but what about everyone else? What about Colby?

Colby didn't even like me until he learned I was pregnant.

Did his instincts kick in like Sam? Like Kat? The need to protect this baby from its own mother?

Do people only stick around to catch my children when I fall?

Am I a forever fucked up mess like I've been made out to be? Am I truly so selfish that I can ruin lives? Lose friends? Relationships? Become dependent on substances?

How often do I say "I" instead of, "You" or "We"?

The feeling of a sharp warm sting caught my attention, my eyes frantically looking towards where the feeling came from, watching blood trickle down my arm.

My thumb swiped the blood away, my fingers adding pressure to the wound as I winced, cursing myself out for mindlessly causing myself harm when the bedroom door opened, Colby walking in and shutting it behind him.

It didn't take long for his eyes to find my wrist, his shoulders falling, "Leighton" he whispered, "What happened?"

"I don't mean to be self absorbed, I'm sorry" I whimpered, the bed dipping as Colby kneeled on it, moving his thighs to rest against my knees.

"Baby, you're not self absorbed. You're just scared, and that's okay. Why did you hurt yourself?"

"I didn't know it was happening until there was already blood" I shamefully confessed, "Felt like I deserved it though" I mumbled, my eyes squeezing shut as shame raced through my veins.

Just another one of Leighton's self absorbed, attention seeking episodes...

"Leighton, look at me" Colby's stern voice pulled my eyes open, his face blurred, "You feel this?" he asked, his hand moving to twist my engagement ring slightly on my finger, my head nodding, "I put this here, because I love you. Not because I want to save you. Not because I think you're destined to doom. I asked you to marry me, because I love you. I want you. I want a life with you. I want you to have my children and be their mom. I want you to be my spouse. Be my rock. Be someone who can keep me in line and hold me accountable. You feel this?" His hand moved down to my bump, softly caressing the skin, my head nodding again, "This beautiful bump that keeps our precious baby safe was put there out of love. Out of want. She may have been a surprise, but she will never be a mistake. Gemma isn't a mistake. You are not a mistake. You make mistakes but you are not one. No one is waiting to watch you fall. No one is sticking around only because of your children. This time, can I ask you something?" he asked, my head nodding slowly. "Are your tattoos hiding your secrets?" He asked, his hands moving to hold my wrists above my hand, his thumbs running over my wrists; my lip quivering as my eyes widened, telling him everything he needed to know; "You, Leighton Rae, are beautiful, perfect, the love of my life, a wonderful mother, the strongest person I know; Your trauma does not define you. Your past doesn't control you and your mind? It's just trying to protect you. I can't wait to buy a house with you, and continue to grow our family" his nose brushed against mine before his lips enclosed on my own, my tears falling against his own cheeks.

"I'm sorry for everything I've done. I'm sorry for being selfish and yelling at you to communicate, when I haven't properly done so myself-"

"Hey. Life's hard. We both know it. It's okay. We can't control what other people do, but I want you to know that I chose you. I wanted you and I'm doing my fucking best to pull my own shit together. I'm sorry for everything I've put you through these past few months"

"Do you think I can stay sober?" I asked quietly.

"I think you're capable of it"

"So you aren't sticking around because I'm carrying your baby?"

"No," he chuckled, "That's just a bonus. I can't wait to expand our family and watch you be a beautiful mother to our children" His lips moved down my tear stained jaw as he murmured words of affirmation and compliments against my skin, kissing down my collarbones before moving to my left wrist, kissing down my arm, stopping at my inner elbow before switching to the next.

"I've always loved your tattoos" he admitted quietly, "I love how they make you stand out. I love how I can get lost in them when your arms are wrapped around me in your sleep. I love trying to find hidden meanings in them, or wondering what some of the more random ones are for. I love how it blends together so nicely. the way the rose on your hand stands out. I love your ribcage tattoo; perfectly imperfect, and how it perfectly describes you. I love the cascading tattoo behind your ear that trails perfectly down your neck; one of my favorite places to kiss when you're asleep. I love your matching tattoos on your finger, and how you left a space for me to fill. I love the curve of your waist" his hands moved down to trail down my ribcage, settling on my hips, "And your beautiful markings down your thighs" his hands moved to spread against the side of my thighs, moving to rest on top of them. "I love all your little freckles and moles. The little imperfections on your skin make me love you a thousand times more" My legs spread for him, welcoming him to rest in-between my thighs, my arousal starting to dampen my underwear the lower his hands went, "May I?" he asked, my head quickly nodding as I hummed in approval, lifting my lips as his thumbs hooked the waistband of my pants, pulling them down my thighs, "I love your beautiful pussy and how incredible it is that you're going to push our baby out of it. Watching you do that with Gemma only made me appreciate it more. Want to.." he lowered on the bed, his breath against my wet folds making my breath hitch, "love on it more" he pressed a gentle kiss against my opening, my center clenching around nothing as I groaned, Colby matching me when his tongue came out to flick against my clenching center.

"Sex deprived?" he teased, my hips bucking up to meet his mouth.

"Don't be a tease, please" I begged, desperately wanting to feel my hormonal sex drive for the first time whilst being pregnant.

"I'm sorry, baby" he hummed, his mouth thankfully meeting my center as he began to work me towards the pleasure I was chasing.

The feeling of his tongue against my clit, or softly licking against my sensitive nerves had my back arching in no time as my hand came down, finding his hair.

"Come on baby" he hummed against me, bringing my clit into his mouth as his fingers teased my center; a loud moan rumbling my vocal cords as he slid two fingers in, pumping them slowly.

His fingertips brushed against my g-spot, my hips bucking, wanting more, but he refused. Keeping his fingers just out if reach from my sweet spot.

"You're clenching so hard around my fingers, Leignton" he chuckled, a groan leaving my lips when Colby moved onto his knees, leaving his fingers in me to toy with me some more as his mouth found my sensitive nipples.

That was one thing that never changed each time I was pregnant; my nipples were almost too sensitive.

A few kitten licks and kisses to my erect nipples and my world turned white as my want and need slid down my thighs; a loud moan getting cut off with a kiss from Colby. My eyes were squeezed shut as pleasure rippled through me. Desperately wanting to open my eyes and see Colby's became not a want, but a need.

Fighting against my own instincts, I finally got my green eyes to open, the look of Colby looking down at me with so much love and admiration made my chest thump quicker as I panted, his fingers slipping out of me, bringing them to his mouth to clean them off.

"Good god" I panted, a smile tugging on his lips.

"Been a while, hm?" He grinned, shimmying lower between my legs.

"What are you- oh" I moaned, Colby's tongue delicately cleaning me up.

"You came so hard" he noted, his finger easily slipping into me, a gasp leaving my lips due to how sensitive I was; Colby showing me his finger that was completely drenched in my cum.

By the time he was done, I was withering on the bed, unsure if I wanted him to stop, or keep going.

"It's been so long" I exhaled, Colby moving up my body, his erection against my thigh as he leaned down to kiss me.

"I love you, Leignton Rae. You're perfect for me. For our girls" he murmured tiredly.

Colby rolled over to the side, his head on the pillow next to mine, causing me to shift so I could view him.

"You're not going to fuck me?" I asked, confused why he'd stop, considering how hard he appeared to be.

"Tonights about you, baby. I'll be fine" he shot me a look, a frown appearing on my face.

"I can help you out too, ya know? Want my hand? My mouth? You could slide between my folds if you didn't lick me dry" I teased, carefully sitting up so I could try and straddle him, confusion making my stomach clench when he stopped me.

"I'm alright, baby"

Oh.

"Uh.. okay" I stumbled, embarrassment flooding through me.

Why'd he turn me down?

I couldn't help it as I began to think of all the reasons why.

Why would he bring me to an orgasm, and not want it returned? I'm more than willing....

"Leighton" he sighed, "I can hear your thoughts from here"

"Well" I snapped, pushing myself out of bed, stumbling slightly.

"Hey! Please be careful" he begged, quickly leaning across the bed to catch my arm, steadying me.

"Blame your bowling ball of a daughter" I grumbled, snatching my arm back as he groaned, flopping back into his previous position.

"Leighton" he sighed again, "Why are you mad?"

"I'm not mad"

"Leighton" his voice dragged out, a knowing tone telling me my bullshit was wearing thin on him.

Ditto.

"What?" I snapped, turning to face him.

"Are you seriously mad that I won't let you blow me?" He asked, moving to lean up on his elbows.

My eyes rolled as I stayed quiet, Colby's chest deflating.

"Baby, I'd love for you too.. but.. but I just.."

"Just what, Colby? You just what? Spit it out already! — Was it pity? Is that what just happened? You found the mother of your child crying and you decided 'You know what will fix this? A good orgasm'" I scoffed, "Screw you!" I yelled, his eyes widening.

"Leighton, stop self-destructing! That's not true and you know it" he argued back, surprising me, but I kept my face stoic.

"What's your fucking problem?! One second you're overly affectionate and the next you act like my touch is going to burn you! Am I not attractive to you anymore?" I asked, my breathing becoming shallow, "Because if you don't like me anymore, you can leave. Don't stay here with me if you're unhappy. If... if.. if there's someone.. someone else, I.. I understand" I struggled, hating how deep those words cut, making it impossible to keep my I don't give a fuck voice.

The way he froze didn't go unnoticed, in fact, it cracked my heart.

"Wait" I whimpered, "There's.... there's someone else?" I asked, feeling my entire world shatter around me. "I just.. I was just.. I was just saying that" my voice wobbled. "I-" my breathing became more rapid and something switched in Colby; his eyes widening as what appeared to be realization hitting of what was happening.

"No! No. There isn't anyone else. Oh my god, please don't cry! I know I was quiet, it was shock! Leighton, wait" he panicked, quickly scurrying off the bed over to me, his hands reaching out for me.

I quickly took a few steps back, betrayal pumping through my veins.

"Who is she? Is she pretty?" I asked. "Does she have less baggage?"

"There is no other girl baby" he tried to console me which only made my anger front quicker.

"YOU CHEATER! DON'T TOUCH ME!" I yelled, his eyes wide.

"Leighton-"

"NO! You don't get to have your cake and eat it too!"

"Leighton!" His hands grabbed my arms, forcing me to look at him, "There. Is. No. Other. Girl. If you need to look through my phone to trust me, fine. But there is no other girl. It's just you, babe. I didn't want any sexual favors in return because you were just crying. What I did was all for you, about you. To love on you. I don't want tonight to be about me. I'm perfectly fine taking a cold shower"

"No.. no. It's uh, it's okay" I back peddled, "I don't need to see your phone. I trust you. I'm sorry I.. I'm sorry I accused you of cheating. It's just.. god, I'm sorry" i exhaled, my head hanging low.

I can believe I just embarrassed myself like that.

"It's okay. I'm sorry I didn't immediately say anything. I was just shocked" he explained again, my head nodding.

I glanced down forwards his crotch, seeing the area a lot smaller now.

Colby followed my gaze, a light chuckle leaving his lips; "It's hard to be hard when your fiance is screaming and crying that you cheated on her"

"God" I groaned, "I'm so embarrassed. I just... I just thought that if you didn't want me, there had to be a reason. Oh my god I sound psychotic!" I rubbed my hand over my eye, wishing we could just forget everything that just happened. "I'm so sorry" I apologized, Colby pulling me into his muscular arms.

"We're both a little crazy" he snickered, his hand coming up to filt my chin upwards, leaning down to softly kiss me. "We'd be boring if we didn't have a little ounce of crazy here and there. Gotta keep things interesting" he smirked, kissing me again.

"We have more than just an ounce of crazy" I laughed, "Me, by myself could probably keep the business running"

"And yet I still put a ring on your finger" he grinned.

"Hey! I'm not the one marrying the crazy! — You know what's worse than marrying the crazy?"

"Hm?"

"Putting a baby in the crazy. That's a life long commitment ya know" I joked, Colby's eyes twinkling making my stomach flutter.

"And I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat"

* * * *

I'm still trying to figure out how I want to add smut into fanfics cus I tend to add too many details due to writing one shot smut fics... so uh, if this one sucks, I apologize lol.

Sorry for the lack of Gemma, she'll be back! lol

This was supposed to be out two weeks ago....

Written on: July 10th, 19th, 20th, 23rd, 24th, 26th, 30th, 31st , August 2nd 2023

Published on: August 2nd 2023

Word Count: 7909

Part Nineteen

[britswriting]

Devotion (14)

Devotion Masterlist

Read on Wattpad

*Leighton's POV*

What does one wear on a date with their fiancé in their own apartment when they're on the verge of a breakup?

Pants? A dress? Heels? Flats? A jacket? Hair curled or straight? How much makeup is too much makeup? Is any of this even worth it?

I groaned as I saw the mess I had made of my room, the clothes from my suitcase littered across the floor.

Why didn't I pack date clothes?

What? Did I not think my fiancé and I would have a date night? My bad.

"Hey bug" I greeted, hearing the basement door creak as Gemma wandered in.

"Wha' doin'?" She mumbled, rubbing at her eye as she slowly sauntered over to me, ending up draping her tired body against me as I snatched the thrown clothes off the ground.

"Tryna find an outfit to wear for Coco" 

"Why?" She softly asked, sitting down on the floor, leaning against me, making it impossible to grab the articles of clothing that weren't within arms.

"Because momma wants to look nice for Coco. Do you want to help me?" I asked, Gemma slowly nodding, "What should I wear, bug?"

Gemma immediately perked up, shoving herself off the ground and immediately digging through my suitcase, taking out everything I had just put back.

"Wook pwetty, momma?" Gemma asked, her lips pursed as she picked up an article of clothing, looked at it, and tossed it aside.

Did she just judge my clothes?

I patiently waited as she chose my clothes, taking quick glances at my phone before deciding I better take the reins or we'll be here all night.

I grabbed a skirt that I tossed in here for a job interview in a few days, manipulating Gemma into thinking it was her choice, Gemma handing me a striped sleep shirt to pair with it.

Um.

No.

"How about we chose something that is either white or black?" I asked, knowing I had a few options for interview outfits in here, giving her limited options to choose from.

I wanted to look nice for him tonight. I wanted to truly try and put effort in. I can't be showing up in pajamas-

I slipped on one of Colby's dress shirts, a blush covering my cheeks at the realization; how did they get in here?

I left a few buttons undone, tucking it into the tight black shirt, my forehead creasing as adjusted the waistline, making sure it wasn't pushing in too hard on my bump.

I'm so going to regret this skirt.

I've begun hitting that stage in the pregnancy where nothing fits, and if it does fit, you're not allowed to eat or else that button is popping open or the waistline is way too tight on the bump.

Surprisingly I've done pretty well with my body image. I think it helps that I never fully lost my baby weight with Gemma, so the extra rolls, the extra weight or even just the way my hips now sat in my jeans, I got used to it.

It's been a long journey on accepting the extra skin, the thick thighs, the change of shape in my breasts — especially since breastfeeding, things definitely looked different, and I was okay with that.

My body gave me a baby, and it's doing it again, and as much as it freaks me out that there is a baby growing inside of me again, it's just as incredible that I'm able to do this.

Gemma has brought so much love and laughs to my life, that honestly, I was ecstatic to be doing it again, even with my relationship problems.

I knew Colby can be a good dad. I've seen it with Gemma, and I knew he could be a good partner, because he has been before; it's just a rough patch.... at least, that's what I keep telling myself.

"What do you think, G?" I did a careful spin, miscellaneous clothing items being a possible tripping hazard in this room now.

"Black" She said, staring at me, making me laugh.

"Yes, it is black"

Her face scrunched up, "Why?"

"What do you mean? Do you not like the way I look?" I frowned, feeling judgment from my almost four year old.

My toddler is not allowed to make me cry before my date.

What's wrong with my outfit? I thought I looked hot?

"Wook pwetty, momma! But.. why.. why no erple?" She frowned, picking up the tossed aside sleep shirt.

"Because I wanted to dress up, bug"

"But.. but erple?"

"Would it make you happy if I wore the purple shirt, bug?" I asked, Gemma quickly nodding, my shoulders dropping in defeat as I unbuttoned Colby's dress shirt, and tossing on the baggy sleep shirt.

There went my confidence.

"YAY!" She cheered and I gave her a small pathetic smile, tossing a curt nod as I glanced at myself in the mirror.

This shirt was a shirt I wore when I was pregnant with Gemma. It was really baggy, old — it had ratty tears in it in many places,  and  it dropped about mid upper thigh.

I decided to suck it up, tucking it into the shirt, hating the way it bunched; but I figured I could snatch the dress shirt into my bag before I left.

I hugged and kissed Gemma goodnight, tucking her into my old bed, letting my dad know before heading out; my cheeks reddening when he complimented my outfit.

"Are you coming home tonight?" he asked, watching me stuff the dress shirt into my bag.

"That's the plan, Gem- G picked my shirt" I corrected, not wanting to say my mothers name in front of him right now, "I figured I can switch it out in the car" I chuckled, silently thanking Gemma for holding her ground and not having me walk upstairs with Colby's shirt half undone as I said goodbye to my father.

Maybe the sleep shirt wasn't so bad after all..

It felt wrong to ring the bell, waiting to be welcomed into my own home.

I made sure his shirt wasn't too wrinkled, messing with the waistline of these shorts when the door opened.

"Hey- oh my god" he exhaled, his eyes ranking over my body, my skin feeling like it was on fire.

He was also dressed black on black, a silent chuckle rumbling my chest as I thought about Gemma's concern with my outfit.

"You look beautiful, Leighton" he complimented, and before I could thank him he spoke again, "God, you're bump. I forgot how breathtaking you look pregnant" He sighed, taking me in once again, smirking when the heart ran across my face.

"Don't get any bright ideas, Brock. One baby at a time" I teased, running my hand through my hair, attempting to distract the butterflies that sent my stomach in a whirl as his eyes stayed trained on me.

I followed Colby in, slipping off my shoes before I regretted it later, knowing damn well pregnancy and heels don't mix.

He got to see the look, they did their purpose. I'd rather not have pins and needles in my feet, or my ankles be bigger than my stomach.

"Is that my shirt?" he questioned, his eyes fixating on the undone buttons, lingering on my exposed chest.

"Mhm"

"You look... wow" He exhaled, his eyes ranking me once again, 

"Thanks. You look like you" I teased, Colby rolling his eyes.

"I didn't have many options. A lot of my stuff doesn't fit anymore" he sighed, my brow furrowing.

"You look nice. We match" I grinned, motioning between the two of us, "And this place.. I mean, wow. You outdid yourself" I smiled, really taking in my surroundings.

The stupid twinkle lights were up hanging proudly on the wall; not balled up in the corner like last time. There was a flickering candle on the coffee table that faintly wafted the scent of lavender and peppermint, my eyes tearing up as my lips began to pout.

"Colby" I whined, desperately wanting to hug and kiss him; where did he even find that?

The comforting waft of peppermint immediately eased my nerves as the calming aroma of the lavender put me at ease.

"How did you know?" I questioned, knowing damn well his memory wasn't good enough to remember such a niche detail from almost 5 years ago.

"I saw that you were still using peppermint oil. It was on your nightstand, and the lavender soap scrub was in the bathroom. I was originally looking for just a peppermint candle since I knew that was your go to, clearly, but I found this and thought, might as well give it a try" he shrugged, acting like this was no big deal.

"Where did you get the candle from? How did you find that?" I questioned, breathing in the beautiful mixture of scents that tended to ease my nausea.

"I got it express shipped from a UK retailer" He said, the beautiful twinkle shining bright in his gorgeous blue eyes.

"Colby, that had to of cost a fortune!" I began to reprimand, shocked he would do that for me.

"Don't worry about it" He reassured, my eyes instinctively rolling. "Did you at least buy them in bulk?" I asked, his eyes widening, "Shit"

"Colby!" I laughed loudly, "Well, it was the thought that counts. We'll just have to use it sparsely" I giggled, taking another inhale of the somewhat triggering, but easing scent, "Thank you" I smiled, my cheeks tightening, the feeling being welcomed.

I missed feeling this happy around him.

I missed smiling and laughing with him. Joking around, and just simply making fun of each other.

I missed him being my best friend, the person who I could always count on, no matter what time it was, or where he was in the world. 

"We should eat before it gets cold" he announced and I nodded, following him into our tiny kitchen, Colby's flickering the light off, allowing the candles to light up the area.

Colby confessed to having ordered takeout, and ditching the containers in the trash once I complimented the dish, my stomach bloating from how much food I consumed.

I knew I'd regret this skirt.

Thankfully since my bedroom was down the hall and I could just switch into comfy clothes, the baggy sleep shirt Gemma instated I wore coming in handy.

"I was afraid of burning something and ruining everything, or even setting off the fire alarm and creating a catastrophe, so I figured this was the safer route since you're usually the one who cooks"

"I told you I'd teach you" I reminded him, knowing we've never found time since after dinner we had to start Gemma's bedtime routine.

"Maybe that can be another date night" he winked, my heart melting at the sight of him.

I hated how easy it was for him to make me putty in his hands, even after everything that's happened.

The two of us sat on the couch, both of us a little stiff, the room falling quiet.

It felt like I was on a first date with a stranger and I hated it.

I hated how easily we could go from laughing like we've known each other for years, like we planned on marrying each other one day, to acting like we've never met one another and this was our first ever greeting all over again.

"How has the pregnancy been going? I'm sorry I haven't been attentive. I know that doesn't mean much, and I know you hate hearing me say that, but I truly am sorry I've been so caught up in myself that I forgot-"

"About me?" I finished for him, Colby looking like a scolded puppy. "I've done it alone before Colby" I reminded him, hating the way he flinched at my words. "I can do it again"

"You shouldn't have to"

"You're right, I shouldn't, but that's the way the cookie crumbles sometimes"

"But that's not a mess I want you to have to clean up"

"Good. Because you're cleaning it" I snapped, immediately regretting it, "Sorry" I quickly apologized, not wanting to ruin our night by fighting.

"No, you're right. It is my mess, and I promise, I'm trying"

"I know, and I need to stop throwing it in your face. I apologize for snapping"

It was quiet for a moment until Colby cleared his throat, turning to face me, "This might be a weird question, but can I see your bump?" he asked softly, his voice hesitant like he was worried that I was a ticking time bomb.

I let out a breathy chuckle, "I mean, it's your baby" shifting to push myself off the couch, moving to lift up my shirt and show him my stomach.

"It's your body" He shot back and I sighed, lifting up my shirt, allowing my stomach, stretch marks and all to be shown to him for the first time in months.

"Housing our baby. Your baby is in here, Colby" I rubbed my hand from the top of my stomach to the bottom. "I mean, it's a big ass baby, my stomach is a lot bigger this time around than it was with Gemma" I snickered, showing him from different angles. 

"Can I..?" He reached his hand out and I nodded, feeling his large hand lay against my stomach. "It's so weird to do this again. I mean, the last time I did this, it was Gemma, and she's going to be four in just a few months. That's crazy" Colby expressed and I nodded, placing my hand over his.

"I can't believe I have a four year old. I mean, I have to go do preschool tours with Gabe next month" I chuckled, "And I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't nervous. I mean, I know she'll do okay. She does fine away from me, but that girl... good lord, my daughter is getting an attitude"

I heard him stifle his chuckle, letting it out fully when I swatted him.

"I know! I know! Shut up!" I scolded, my laugh breaking through as Colby's arms wrapped around me, pulling me in between his legs, moving me so I was sat on his left leg, his left arm around my waist as his right hand rested on my stomach.

"When's the next appointment?" He asked, his voice soft as his eyes trained in on my stomach.

"If you stare too long you're gonna make me insecure" I joked, getting him to look back at me, ready to apologize only for him to catch my lingering smirk, an eye roll making me laugh.  "My next appointment isn't technically for a few months, but uh.. I've been meaning to talk to you" I began, feeling bad when I watched the redness of his flushed cheeks simmer down, the eyebags becoming more noticeable. "Nothing bad" I quickly eased him, watching the relief ease the tension in his muscles, "It's just that well, because I'm going to be approaching 16 weeks" his eyes widened, his lips parting, but I continued, "We could get bloodwork done and possibly find out the gender of the baby if we didn't want to wait till 20 weeks for that appointment scan"

"Bloodwork?" He questioned and I nodded. "How does that work?"

"Well if I have a double x chromosome.. it's a girl, and if there is only one x chromosome.. it's a boy. Because the double x chromosome indicates there's another girl in me. It's not just my singular chromosome, versus if there is just my chromosome in my bloodwork, the baby would be a Y chromosome" I tried to explain, hoping my MD license from Google would be good enough for him.

The second I saw the look of confusion fill his facial features, I knew I was doomed.

Chuckling, I tried again, "So, in my blood work they can see my chromosomes obviously. A girl is an x, a boy is a y, how the whole gender thing is formed or whatever. So like, yours is a Y in your work if they look at it or whatever" I began to ramble, completely fumbling over everything I was told in my brain as I tried to relay the information. "And if mine has two X's.. well.." I chuckled, the nerves creeping up in fear of having to try and explain this again.

"And you can do that when?"

"Uh.. I think week 14? I know I'm past the date, like we could do it whenever"

"Do you want to do that?" He asked, surprising me.

He wasn't going to demand that we make the appointment immediately?

"I mean, I'd be down to do it this way. I already got the way I dreamt of, of the doctor telling me it's a girl"

"Do you want to find out through the doctor in the sense of them telling you from the bloodwork, or do you want to do the classic gender reveal party?"

"I mean, why can't we do both? We find out through the bloodwork, and then tell maybe G and everyone else at a party? Not like, anything extravagant but like, I'm sure we could get crafty and also be safe"

"We're not doing balloons, or poppers. Those are annoying to clean up. No silly string either" He immediately vetoed.

"No cake either. That's boring"

"Well there went all the good ideas" he laughed, a grin taking over my face, my eyes flickering down to where his hand was still resting against my bare stomach, his thumb moving back and forth above my belly button.

"I'm sure we can think of something. Especially with how much G and my dad love art, then like, maybe we could hang it in the nursery or something— ohmygod!" I quickly spat out, "I can finally do a nursery wall!"

"Well it looks like you've got it all figured out already, took you about five seconds" He laughed, my cheeks warming up as I shifted against his leg, suddenly very aware of how close we were, and how chaotic my brains rambling went.

"Well I don't know how I want to do it yet"

"How have you been feeling? You seem to be doing better this time compared to Gemma" he asked, his hand still against my stomach, not allowing me to get up from his lap.

"Gemma killed my back and my boobs for sure, this one is giving me bad acne. I mean, I think Gemma made my skin flare up but I don't remember. The nausea with this one though... good god" I exhaled, very thankful for the waft of peppermint surrounding us.

"I'm sorry pregnancy is hard on you. You wear it beautifully though, Leighton"

"That's a load of BS!" I cackled, my head thrown back at the idea of me looking beautiful whilst pregnant.

I look like a wreck.

The layers of makeup were wiped from my face, the darkness under my eyes evident of my stress, the acne littering my skin, ready to be popped or haven already been popped, whether it be from the stress, or this baby, messing with my confidence of leaving the house bare faced, my baggy sleep shirt bunched up at my hips and across the top of my stomach as my yoga pants hung low on my hips.

There was nothing beautiful about being bloated, sick and covered in acne.

"Leighton, I understand you don't see it, but just knowing my baby is in here" his hand rubbed my stomach, "gives you this glow in my eyes. I can acknowledge that you look tired, worn down, and that this is hard for you, but god, you look beautiful and not only proud of you, but incredibly thankful. You're growing another beautiful baby for me to love up on. You're an incredible mother Leighton. I truly can't tell you that enough and I'm sorry that things have been so... rough, lately" 

God I wanted to kiss him.

I so badly wanted to just lean in and kiss him; it's been so long, but I knew I couldn't.

I couldn't just give in because he said a few nice words. I deserved better than him telling me I looked pretty. I deserved seeing him make the changes. Not just telling me.

I can't kiss him, but god did I want to.

I cleared my throat, carefully getting up from his lap and adjusting my clothing, "So I should make the appointment then?" I asked, the twinkle in his eye dimming as he nodded. "Do you have any days that don't work?" 

"I uh, I have community service this weekend" Colby muttered, tugging on his lower lip.

"Oh" 

"Yeah.."

"Okay, well, um, the weekdays are fine?" I stumbled, completely spacing everything that has happened, this evening painting everything in a whole new light.

Colby nodded, "As far as I know"

Silence fell among us, Colby's eyes glued to me as my eyes flickered elsewhere.

"I ruined this, didn't I?" He muttered, gaining my attention back.

"Hm?"

"This evening. I shouldn't have said anything"

"No. It's not that it's ruined.. I just uh, I forgot, sorry"

"I don't like this" He admitted, my face scrunching, "The awkwardness and silence anytime it's brought up" he clarified and I nodded slowly.

"What am I supposed to say, Colby?"

"I don't need you to say anything. I just don't like how quiet you get"

"It's a lot to process, okay?" I snapped, taking a deep breath, blowing it out through my lips as my eyes fluttered shut.

Before my brain could start to spiral, Colby was immediately replying, "What is there to process? You didn't do—"

"Not to be selfish here" I interrupted, "But you seem to forget how hard this shit is for other people" I grumbled, my hand coming up to rub at my eye, "This shit sucks, Colby. It sucks for you, it sucks for me, it sucks for Gemma and I know that it's hard. It's been hard. it's going to be hard, but it brings back memories, okay? It's not always about you. My silence isn't disappointment, frustration, or anger. It's just a lot to process, okay?"

"What is there to process-" he started, my frustration building, causing me to interrupt him as I groaned, "I hate when you do this"

"Do what?"

"Invalidate my feelings just because the situation was caused by you. I get this shit is hard for you. I do. I just......." I sighed, "It brings back bad memories, okay? I hate thinking about you going to jail, getting arrested, doing community service. It brings back horrific memories from when I was there, okay? I don't understand how it doesn't for you"

"My time in jail wasn't horrendous, Leighton"

"Good for you? Do you want a gold fucking metal?" I hiss, glaring.

"Can we please not ruin the night? I'm sorry I brought it up— you just had asked..."

"I know, I'm sorry I just.. I don't want to think about it, okay? I'll make the appointment and let you know and then we can figure out how we want to do the party. I need to get going—"

"What? You're leaving?"

"Colby" I sighed, my shoulders falling, "You can't expect me to stay? I have Gemma to care for, I have work in the morning. I don't— We aren't there yet" I quickly tried to explain, hoping he was understanding and this didn't blow up in my face.

"Okay, okay, wait" he quickly stood up, moving to be in front of me, "I wanted to ask you if you could take a few days off of work? Maybe in like two weeks or so?"

"What about Katrina's birthday?"

"Leighton Rae, fixing this shit is far more important to me than Kat's birthday, I just, I thought about us going back to that Airbnb. That castle place, where everything started"

"Just the two of us? That place is far too big for that—" I quickly dismissed, not wanting Colby to waste his money on a place that was far too big for us.

I could see the defeat written all over his face until the twinkle in his eye came back, "What if we asked Sam and Kat? Invite them like old times? Maybe Logan and Cynthia? April and Kevin? Do like a couples retreat. Not just my friends, but our friends?" He suggested, the excitement in his tone making me feel antsy.

"On that short of notice? Colby, not everyone can take time off at the drop of a hat—"

"Leighton" He groaned, "Be spontaneous!" 

"I'm being realistic Colby! We're all working adults who don't have as flexible schedule as you, Sam and Kat do. That's a lot to ask what, 4? 6? People do to on such short notice. It's hard to have done. I don't want us to get stuck with this rental when no one can come. It's not just an influencer party anymore. I like the idea just as much as you do, I just don't see how it's going to work. Especially with everything coming up. I mean, I have Gemma's school tours, we have baby appointments, birthdays. I want it just as much as you do, but I can't just hit pause and resume whenever I want to, and what about the kids? All of us have kids" I worried, hating how I always seemed to be crushing his excitement, all because life was busy and I struggled to find time to do his spontaneous activities. 

"Why can't you trust that everything is going to work out? Just take a risk, babe" 

I took a deep breath, contemplating my options.

Either I say yes and this bites me in the ass later, or I say no and be a killjoy yet again.

It sounded fun. Going back, reliving some of those memories, having fun with people we all get along with. I can see where he's coming from, but how are we supposed to swing this? Who's going to watch the kids? How are we supposed to get x amount of days off work in such a short notice? What if something happens to Gemma whilst I'm gone? or this baby? or my mom? How am I just supposed to be spontaneous and up and leave, even if he is giving me a head start?

Before I could overthink it anymore, I found the words "Okay" falling from my lips, Colby's eyes sparkling as a grin took over his face.

"We'll figure it out, I promise" He quickly reassured me, pulling me into a hug.

"We better" I murmured, allowing my arms to squeeze against his waist

~

My world fell upside down almost immediately.

"We don't have forever Gabriel! She needs to go to preschool" I grumbled, my entire body feeling like it was going to explode as we were told for the fourth time that she'd be on a two year waiting list.

"Leighton, there is nothing we can do" He argued back, both of us stood in the parking lots of Little Tot's Preschool, arms crossed as we did what we did best. Fight.

"There has to be something! We can't just hold her back for a year, Gabe! By the time she'll be let in, the new excuse is that she's too old! Hell, she'll be old enough for kindergarten by then!"

"What do you want me to do, Leighton? We can't homeschool her and nowhere near us is accepting new students. With you working and me in school, we have no time to drive hours away every day just to get her off to school"

"What about Zara?" I asked, hating the way her name sounded between the two of us in this situation. I could feel the immediate regret stirring in my stomach as Gabriel tossed me a look.

"What about her?"

"Can't she help?" I desperately asked, truly running out of all options here.

"You want me to ask my girlfriend to drive hours away every day for my daughter? Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?"

"What else am I supposed to do, Gabe! We're running out of options! No one told me she needed to go on some sort of fucking waiting list the second she was fucking born! She's going to be four! By the time she's enrolled, she'll already be on the cusp of being too old!"

"So then fuck preschool and just wait for kindergarten" he grumbled, acting like this was just a fuck all statement.

"She needs preschool, Gabe. She needs the environment. Time with other kids, away from me and my dad, to be her own person! She can't go to tumbling gym forever. She's getting to old for the one she's in now and I don't know if I can afford the next class up. She needs somewhere to go to play and learn and grow! We've got to figure this out" 

"We're running out of preschools Leighton, there isn't anything we can do about that"

I stayed quiet, my arms falling down to my sides as I began to feel defeated.

Why did preschool feel like climbing Mt. Everest?

"Where does Noel go?" He asked, getting me to take my gaze off of the loose pebbles near my feet.

"Here. Little Tot's Preschool. The one with the waiting list that's longer than my graduating class" I huffed, wishing this could just be a done deal, but no. Of course it isn't. When is anything ever fucking easy for me.

"I don't know what to tell you, Leighton. I don't think we can get her in on time" he shrugged, acting like this was no big deal.

Was I crazy? Why was I the only one who cared?

The car ride to Gabe's was quiet, my brain numb to everything going on, Gabe's soft hum to the radio creating a buzz in my ear.

Why couldn't anything go right? Why was this all so fucking difficult?

I hopped out of Gabe's car, Gabe letting me in his house, quickly finding Gemma doing a puzzle on the floor with Zara.

"Hi Mommy!" She smiled at me before looking back down at her princess puzzle.

"Hi bug. Have fun?" I questioned, sending Zara a tight lipped thankful smile.

"Yessss! Oh! MOMMA! Look!" She darted up, running off towards their dining room, my feet quickly trailing behind her. "Fishes!" She squealed, pointing at their new glass aquarium, "Zara let me help make it pwetty!"

"You did such a good job G" I praised, Gemma grinning from ear to ear as she showed me all the different fishes and the different décor items she picked out.

"Was she good for you?" I asked Zara, turning to look over my shoulder as she approached us.

"We had fun today. Did you guys find a school?" She asked, snickering when I let out a loud sigh, "Take that as a no?"

"It's just hard, that's all" I shrugged, Zara opening the cabinet to grab some fish food, helping Gemma take a pinch and sprinkle it throughout the water. "Every place has like the longest waiting list ever. I just wish it was easier, ya know?"

"What if you tried an advanced daycare center, rather than a formal preschool? Similar concept, no?" She suggested, and I knew it was a good idea, but it wasn't what I wanted.

"I want her to be in a class setting is the issue. It's shorter days than kindergarten, kind of like preparing her for kindergarten, she gets to learn, rather than just play"

"What if you asked your fiancé?" Gabe suggested, ignoring the weird look I was giving him.

"Ask Colby? About what?"

"About preschool"

"What is talking to Colby about preschool going to help us in the fact that I can't get her enrolled before she's 6?"

"He has money, doesn't he?" Gabe said and it all hit me, my jaw dropping.

"We are not bribing the preschool, Gabriel!" 

"It's just an option" He defended, "He's got the money, why not use it?"

"Gabriel!" I scolded, Zara standing next to me, just as shocked, "We can't bribe a preschool!"

"You can't ask Colby to do that, Gabe" Zara agreed, thankfully taking my side.

"Well what do you suggest we do then? Because clearly you don't want to wait"

"I don't want her first class experience to be kindergarten! That sounds like a bad idea" I argued, Gemma too enamored by the fish to care about us arguing.

"We don't have many options Leighton" Gabe said for the hundredth time, only adding to my stress and frustration.

"What about Minnesota?" I shot out, Gabe looking astonished.

"Minnesota? For preschool? Are you out of your damn mind?"

"I'm thinking outside the box!" I argued, chewing on my cheek as I watched him shake his head.

"What, you're just going to move to Minnesota for like six months so she can go to preschool and then move back? That's crazy, Leighton"

"What about homeschool?" I suggested, getting the exact same head shake as before, "Gabe!" I started to whine.

"Who has time for that? You're walking all the time, I'm working and in school, she's working, Colby's doing god knows what, I'm not having him homeschool our child, we sure as hell can't ask our parents! That's not an option Leighton"

I could feel my eyes prickle with tears as I searched my brain for any possible way of getting my child enrolled into preschool, not wanting to ask Colby about fucking bribing the administration of a damn preschool.

"Please don't start crying. You know I can't handle you crying" Gabe expressed, Zara and Gemma having left the room, leaving us alone.

"I'm not crying for attention, I'm just really fucking overwhelmed right now" I sniffled, running my finger under my eye, catching the tear droplets before they cascaded down my cheeks, ruining my mascara. "I've got my own shit going on, and this, I just.. I wanted this to be easy, okay? I don't know what to do, but I don't want her starting preschool when she's five, or entering kindergarten extremely overwhelmed all because she's never been in that sort of class setting, and now all I can think about is if this is what it's going to be like every time. I mean, what the fuck are we going to do for kindergarten? That's a whole other ballgame Gabe!" I worried, immediately thinking about trying to put the unborn baby into preschool and get Gemma off to school... "I have a million things to do tomorrow, I need to get going" I sighed, scoping out the living space for my daughter, "I guess we'll just see what happens." I mumbled, not having a good feeling about this whole preschool waiting list.

The car ride back to my parents house was quiet peaceful, Gemma having fallen asleep in the back, and thankfully waking up at my parents house in a pretty good mood.

I raced Gemma up the stairs, making it a big deal when she won, smiling at her beautiful giggles before following her down the hall to my moms room, Gemma crawling up onto the bed, a big smile on her face as she laid down next to my mom. "Nonna!" She squealed, snuggling close to my mom, melting and breaking my heart all at the same time.

I listened to Gemma talk my moms ear off about today, catching myself yet again wishing about how different things could've been.

Why couldn't my mom be in the kitchen? or in the backyard? or greeting us at the door with a big smile and open arms, egging on Gemma about her day? Not laying here, in her bed looking like with one wrong move, it could be fatal.

I went through the evening motions, making dinner, getting Gemma ready for tomorrow, making sure my mom was good, helping my dad, and when my phone buzzed as I was getting Gemma tucked into bed, I felt myself wanting to shut it off completely. 

"Coco!" Gemma squealed, Colby's photo flashing against the screen.

Please don't let it be something bad.

I can't take anymore.

"Hello?" I hummed, "You're on speaker with Gemma and I. She's getting ready for bed" I announced, not wanting him to say anything she shouldn't hear.

"Oh. Sorry, I forgot" He hummed, my heart sinking.

Have we really been that out of routine lately?

"It's okay, Gemma, do you want to say goodnight to Coco?" I asked softly, trying not to get her too wound up.

Gemma immediately took the phone from my hand, shuffling under her covers, and rolling away from me; "Hi Coco!" She greeted, the happiness in her tone making me feel like the worst person to walk on this earth.

How could I take him away from her? 

Was I protecting her, or hurting her?

"Hi Gem Gem! Mommy said you're going night night?" Colby asked, his tone matching hers.

"Yep" she popped her p, a giggle leaving my lips. "Mommy say, say I go night night so... so I not.. not moody" She giggled, "I see, see 'Arper 'marrow, Coco!"

"You better go to bed then, Gemma. So you can see Harper sooner" He coaxed, my heart beating just a little bit quicker for him.

I blew out hot air, Gemma and Colby exchanging I love you's.

I loved watching him fill the dad roll.

Just listening to him talk to her, watching him teach her things, snuggle her; just be there for her. It really did something to my heart and soul.. I just hated that it wasn't like this all the time.

"Coco say night night stowy?" Gemma asked, her speech beginning to slur as she cuddled closer to her blankets.

"A night night story?" He jokingly huffed, "I dunno Gem, I don't know if I can fit you into my busy schedule" he teased.

"Peas!" She begged, a smile widening on my face as I watched her face scrunch up, bringing my phone closer to her mouth.

"Alright. I'll tell you a bedtime story if you go to bed for momma, okay?" he bargained, Gemma immediately agreeing.

"Once upon a time there was this boy named....... Rocko!" Colby started, Gemma fully intrigued by now, "And Rocko was very.. frustrated and mad, and lonely" He emphasized, my eyebrows pulling together. Lonely? Where is this going? "And then Rocko met this beautiful girl named... um.. Marissa! And uh, Marissa was in need of a place to stay because she was having a baby" he continued, Gemma humming along. What is he doing? "And Rocko didn't know that, so Marissa and Rocko didn't really get along.. but then, they started to hang out all the time and Rocko ended up feeling sorry for how he treated Marissa. He hated knowing that his own problems caused a rift between Marissa and him, not knowing that Marissa was already struggling" Oh.

"Colby?" I cut him off, Gemma looking over at me, "What are you doing?"

"Telling her a bedtime story, now be quiet" He softly lectured, clearing his throat, "Where was I?—"

"Wocko and 'Rissa hang out!"

"That's right! Rocko and Marissa started hanging out, and Rocko ended up finding out he was really starting to like Marissa, and wanted to fix his mistakes and help her out.. and then Rocko learned he was falling in love with Marissa" He spoke softly, "But Marissa didn't want Rocko"

"Why not?" Gemma frowned, my heart clenching at the memories.

Why was he doing this?

"Marissa had a lot going on, bug. Life for her was really hard and no matter what Rocko did, it never was enough to make her want him then, and then... Marissa had her beautiful baby girl" I could picture the smile on his face, practically melting right then and there, "And everything changed" 

"Rissa baby make Rissa wove Wocko?" Gemma questioned, her tired voice muffled by the thoughts of the day Gemma was born.

I ran my hand over my bump, thinking about when Colby and Amber brought me to the hospital, and Colby helped me with contractions, Gabe's annoying voice making me feel like my contractions were only going to get worse. 

God this baby better not be sunny side up or I will riot for a c-section.

Everything with this pregnancy was different. I so far haven't had any risk concerns, my weight wasn't concerning, my blood work has been okay, my iron deficiency hasn't been horrendous, I haven't passed out, I haven't had any soreness in my breasts or too much back pain. Sure things have hurt here and there as my bump has grown, but it all felt night and day compared to Gemma, and it really made me wonder if this baby was a boy.

I mean, you hear those stories of how girl pregnancies are the absolute worst, and a boy pregnancy is easy breezy.

The idea of having a boy and a girl felt weird.

Granted, it would be the perfect all American combo, but the idea of having a little mini me of Colby felt unimaginable.

Sure it would be adorable, but I can't imagine myself as a boy mom.

I was never one to really love the dirt and the grim and the bugs... let alone the fact that if they pee during a diaper change.. it's not just going to go on the washable pad. It's going to hit you in the fucking face, and honestly, I don't know if I can handle having to doge pee every time I change a diaper.

 But then again, the thought of having another girl seemed like a nightmare. 

I mean, two Gemma's? How am I supposed to survive that?

The attitude, the hormones, my fucking genetics, I'd be doomed.

God my genetics.

Seeing Gemma start to get my attitude was a whole other therapy session in itself.

I mean, not only do I have a mini me, but I have a mini me.

How far does the carbon copy go? 

Sure she looks more like Gabe, but if she has my personality, will she have my mental problems as well? My addiction issues? 

It's not like I can control her and never have her touch a single substance in her life. The thought of passing down those issues to my children terrifies me. I've never wanted my child to be less like me than I have now.

"Leighton?" Colby's fairly loud voice pulled me out of my thoughts, my finger quickly catching a tear that started to fall down my face.

"Hm?" I mumbled, trying to rid my throat of the built up emotion.

"Is Gemma asleep? She stopped making noise as a reply" He asked, my blurred vision flickering to my child, her eyes shut, lips parted as her chest movements were slow and even.

"Uh, yeah, she's out, um, thank you" I sniffled, shuffling to stand up, starting to feel a little more top heavy than I used to, being careful not to press my weight against the mattress and wake Gemma.

"Of course. I'd do anything for her. Are you alright? You sound like you've been—"

"No, no. I'm fine" I interrupted, slipping out the door once the white noise was playing, leaving the door cracked with the hall light on for her.

"Leighton" Colby's voice dripping in sympathy echoed in the hallway. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong" I mumbled, carefully walking down the stairs, finding the living room pitch black, my father having gone up to bed already. "Shit" I cursed, my hand gripping the banister as I tripped over something, my phone crashing to the ground when I searched for the light switch on the wall, seeing what I tripped over.

Light filled the living room, my eyes immediately finding what tripped my footing, Gemma's to go bag knocked over, the bag strap caught on my foot.

Grumbling, I kicked it off and picked up my phone, "Leighton! I'm coming over!" Colby's worried, breathy tone filled the silence.

"Stop, I'm fine. I just tripped—"

"You tripped?!" His voice raised.

"Calm down, I'm fine"

"What was the crash?"

"My phone fell—"

"Leighton Rae! You need to be more careful" he began to reprimand, "You could've seriously got injured!"

"Well I'm fine" I huffed.

"And I'm thankful that you're fine, but baby, you need to be more careful" 

Baby.

"I'm always careful! I just hadn't turned the switch on—"

"Leighton!"

"I'm fine. Baby is fine. Speaking of the baby, I made the appointment. It's Next Wednesday"

"At the midwife place or at the hospital?"

"I get bloodwork done at the hospital" 

"So we're meeting at the hospital?" He clarified and I hummed in agreement.

"And then I need to come back to my parents and help my dad. I think Landon and his boyfriend are planning on coming over, so I was thinking maybe we tell him I'm pregnant? So that way when we do this gender reveal thing, they've already known for x amount of time?" I suggested, knowing we needed to finish telling people. "I still don't know how I'm supposed to tell Lexi. I haven't seen her in forever. It feels to big too send over text, or is that stupid?" I worried.

"Leighton, wanting to tell your sister you're pregnant in person isn't stupid. That's not that big of an ask" He reassured, now on speaker as I tossed some M&M's, pretzels and my pre cut strawberries into a bowl, snatching the container of Nutella and sitting down at the counter. 

"I just don't understand why she disappeared. I mean, my family and I are so close. I didn't think me being disapproving of her dating Brennen was going to cause that big of a drift. I mean, we're sisters. Sure I may disagree, but that doesn't mean I don't want to ever talk to her again" I grumbled, Colby chuckling when I crunched my pretzel. "Stop! Leave me alone"

"Babe, you're going to get heartburn"

"Shut up. I'm feeding the baby"

"Take an antacid before you go to bed" He snickered.

"Always do" my voice was muffled by my chewing. "You did this to me, you're not allowed to judge my choices"

"Do I have to bring M&M's to the doctors?"

"Honestly, we might have to sneak them in. I don't know if they'd approve of my eating habits" I laughed, visualizing Colby's eye roll.

"Babe, if you're afraid of your doctor knowing your eating habits, maybe change your eating habits"

"Colby. You really don't want to tell a pregnant lady what to eat and what not to eat" I warned, flashbacks to when I had a meltdown in the downstairs bathroom of our old house when I was pregnant with Gemma.

"What time is the appointment?" he hummed, a static sound coming through the speaker.

"God, what are you doing?" I winced, desperately wanting the noise to stop.

"Sorry, I uh, I was rolling over in bed. My phone slid against the sheets"

"Oh, and uh, it's.. shit" I grumbled, retyping my password in, finding my note. "You're lucky I write everything in my calendar" 

"I'm lucky?" his voice pitched.

"Mhm"

"You're the one with the horrendous pregnancy fog!"

"Well"

"Well nothing" he laughed, my cheeks becoming warm.

"It's at 2:15 on Wednesday" I finally answered.

"Am I picking you up or are we meeting there?"

"Well, do you want to come to the impromptu family dinner?" 

"You know your dad loves me" he spoke with a sing–song tone, his stupid childlike grin popping into my head.

"Yeah yeah, you're the favorite, we get it. Do you want to come or not"

"What do I get out of it?" he teased, my eyes immediately glaring down at my phone.

"You get to see me"

"Hm" he hummed, my jaw dropping.

"Colby!"

"Do better"

"Hey! What does that mean?"

"It means that sometimes you hate my guts" He chuckled.

"That's not true" I argued, not being able to keep my tone from wavering, trying my best not to let a snicker slip past my lips.

"Fine, I'll go, but only if I can see Gemma as well" he bargained, my eyes widening.

"My daughter is better than me!?"

"I've been trying to tell you.." He trailed off, his tone teasing me.

"Rude. I'm carrying your baby"

"You're just the fun bonus" 

"The bonus?!" I shrieked, my laugh carrying throughout the kitchen.

"'Cause of the baby" he tried to backtrack, his own laugh starting to crack through his façade.

"I hate you" I giggled, digging out an M&M from the dish.

"I told you!" He shouted, my failed attempt at repressing my giggle making him laugh. "I fucking told you you hated my guts! See, this is why you're the bonus!"

I giggled, "Fuck you"

"Alright well uh, I need to get to bed, and so do you. Remember to take your antacid" He reminded me and I hummed, covering my strawberry in the Nutella.

I glanced at the clock on the oven in front of me, "At 9pm?"

"Mhm"

"Since when? You never go to bed early"

"Since I've got to get up at 5am tomorrow"

"Ew, why?" I grimaced, the idea of waking up before the sunrise sounding revolting.

"Leighton"

"What?"

There was a moment of silence before it clicked, my eyes widening. "Oh!"

"Yeah.."

"Sorry, I'll uh, let you go to bed" I mumbled, completely spacing that he had community service tomorrow.

"Alright, you sleep well and don't forget the antacid!" he said again, my eyes rolling as I chewed my pretzel covered in chocolate.

"I know" my muffled voice grumbled. 

Colby said a final goodnight before hanging up, leaving me alone in silence, my almost empty bowl of snacks in front of me as my phone lit up with a text, Colby's name catching my eye.

I love you

* * * *

I was thinking about this earlier, but like... I've been writing this series for almost two years. That's insane, and like my other series (not Colby) I started in 2019..., like what the fuck?? To be fair, a book for me usually takes about a year? to do, but still..., anyway, 2 years in November lol that's wild.

Written on: May 27th, 29th, 30th, 31st, June 4th, 6th 2023

Published on: June 6th 2023

Word Count: 8204

Part fifteen

[britswriting]

Devotion (13)

Devotion Masterlist

Read on Wattpad

Song: It'll be okay - Shawn Mendes

Trigger warning: Talk of parental death

*Leighton's POV*

I hated being the bad guy.

All day at work all I could think about was how instead of falling asleep next to the man I'm supposed to marry; I'll be falling asleep in my childhood bedroom.

My instinctive thought was just to run up to him, wrap my arms around him and never let him go; but I had to think of my family.

I can't have my daughter having one dad she sees only on the weekends and another that might go AWOL for a week.

I could tell April knew something was up just based on the walking on eggshells questions she asked me when I came to pick up Gemma. 

I ended up caving and telling April I was pregnant and that was the reason I appeared so beaten down; which wasn't an exact lie. Pregnancy and me are not great friends, but I can't blame all my sleepless nights on the unborn baby just yet.

I expected to see happiness on her face when I told her, but instead I got a masked reaction of congratulations, her eyes dulling in the same worried look I got when I arrived.

"Does she know she's going to be a big sister?" April asked, the two of us standing in the entryway of her home whilst Gemma grudgingly packed up her stuff.

"I told her yesterday, I don't know if she's fully grasped the concept yet. I still need to sit down and talk to her about it" I explained, April nodding as I looked past her shoulder, praying Gemma would hurry up with grabbing her stuff.

I lost count how many times I've peaked over April's shoulder as we talked about my midwife appointment, my nerves easing up as she appeared supportive rather than immediately telling me I need to give birth at the hospital; until we both finally went to see what was taking the girls so long, forgetting they're 4 and under, and get easily distracted.

"G?" I called, peeking my head into Noel's room, seeing the two toddlers sitting on the floor, a Barbie in each hand. "Ready to go see Nonna and Papa?" I asked, loving the way her face lit up as she quickly nodded, abruptly standing up, leaving her mess behind. I tsked, sending her back to go help clean up, Gemma pouting as she helped Noel put the toys away. "Thank you for listening, ready to see Papa? I think Uncle Landon is coming over" I tried to cheer her up, Gemma nodding. "Go say thank you to April whilst I check your bag, please"

"Aprwil!" I heard her squeal, running down the hall as I sifted through Gemma's to go bag, double checking that she had everything she arrived with.

"Leavin'?" Noel asked, her cute nosy self peeking in Gemma's bag.

"Yeah, but you'll see her again" I giggled, loving how soft and reserved Noel was with me.

I was so used to Gemma yelling and screaming and running wherever we went, that seeing Noel be so shy and calm was almost like a culture shock.

"We go pres-cool togever, kay?" She asked, well, more so stated, making me chuckle as I zipped the back.

"You want to go to Preschool with Gemma?" I asked, Noel following me down the hall.

"YEAH! She's my best friend!"

Cue my heart melting and the popping of confetti canister.

My baby has her first best friend.

"Momma! We go see Papa now?" Gemma asked, April finishing tying Gemma's sneaker.

"Yes bug, do you want to carry your bag?" I asked, offering the fairly lightweight backpack to my overly excited toddler.

"No!" She refused, "You carry" She shoved the backpack away, taking me back by the refusal.

"Gemma, can you please carry the bag?" I tried again, not actually caring if I had to carry her bag to the car or not, more so just hating how she shoved my hand away.

"You carry" She said again, her face scrunching up.

"What do you say Gemma?" I coaxed, not wanting my toddler throwing around demands at people.

"Momma carry"

"Gemma. Say please" 

"Peas!" Her sweet voice squealed.

"Thank you" I sighed, glancing towards April, hoping there wasn't a judgmental stare due to my daughter's reluctance in manners.

I quickly thanked April for watching her, Gemma running down the driveway to our car, standing on her tippy toes to grab the handle.

"Oh-pin!" She began to whine, my eyes rolling as I pressed unlock, opening the door so she could shove my hands away from helping her, climbing into the car by herself.

Wonder whose attitude she got. Couldn't be mine...

I listened to Gemma babble to herself, a few quick responses and hums on my end keeping her going until we pulled into my parents driveway, Gemma refusing my help once again to get out of the car, shaving a few years off my life when my heart dropped to my stomach watching her trip over her backpack, only to get made at me when I tried to catch her.

"NO ELP!" She yelled, shoving me away.

"Well don't fall on your face then" I muttered, slamming the car door shut, Gemma spinning around on her heel.

"I not!"

"You almost did"

"No!"

I rolled my eyes, "Go ring the bell so Papa can deal with your bratty attitude"

"I no as tude" She glared. It took everything in me not to laugh at the cute look on her face.

"You do too"  I snickered.

"No!"

"Yes you do"

"Nuhuh! You as tude, momma!" She disagreed, her lips pursed as her hands stood on her hips.

Where did all this sass come from?

I watched her struggle to ring the bell, jumping up to hit it, finally pushing it in as we listened to it ring; Landon answering the door.

"Gemma!" He exclaimed, crouching to pull her into a hug. "How's my favorite almost 4 year old?" He asked, picking her up as she giggled.

"Good. You can deal with her battiness. Where's dad?" I huffed, kicking my shoes off and dropping her bag.

"Gemma? Being a brat? How could you say such a thing!" Landon gasped, ignoring my moodiness as I quickly climbed the stairs, hoping to find my mom and dad.

I took a deep breath before entering my moms room, unsure what I'd see when I entered.

"Hey kid" My dad's voice caught me by surprise, my dad exiting the closet with a change of clothes for my mom, "I was just going to get your mom ready for bed. I need to bathe her if you and Landon wanted to order dinner"

"Dad, you don't have to do that. I can bathe her" I reminded him, knowing how much he hated asking.

"Leighton, no. You're pregnant" He said quietly, his tone a little harsh to show the severity of the situation.

"And you're old" I shot back, my dad narrowing his eyes at me.

"Leighton Rae. I am not old" he stated, his disapproving gaze deepening, a tiny smirk pulling at my lips.

"Tell that to all your gray hairs!"

"You are not helping me. I don't want anything happening to my grandbaby"

"And I don't want anything happening to you! I'm already losing mom, I can't lose you too! Let me help you" I argued, tired of having this conversation.

"Fine. Get your brother, he can help me get her there, and then you can help with the rest. I'm not letting you do any heavy lifting" he compromised, giving me the dad look that told me I had no room to argue.

Landon helped my dad move my mom from their bed into the bathtub, my job being to make sure nothing happened to her oxygen tank before Landon excused himself to find my daughter, leaving me to help my dad undress my mom.

"I got her, just make sure that this doesn't go in the tub" I motioned towards the stand of stube dangling by the tub.

I watched my mom's eyes open and close slowly as I carefully moved the washcloth over her skin; too afraid to let my eyes glance over towards my father.

I never imagined I'd be here so fast.

I always knew one day this would be my life. Taking care of my parents, making sure they're okay and as content as I can make them; I just never thought it would be this fast.

I never saw myself sitting in the bathroom with my dad, pregnant with my second child as I helped him help my mom out of the bathtub, drying her off and changing her clothes.

I always pictured my mom in the kitchen making her favorite Italian food as her grandkids came running in through the patio door, begging for popsicles and lemonade, awaiting the yummy dinner that would be served within the hour.

My dad outside, pushing them on the swings as my mom watched from the patio, or even catching them at the end of the slide, and now I don't even know if my second baby will know their grandmother.

Would Gemma remember my mom up and about, moving around and loving up on her? Or just laying beside her in bed watching movies?

Would my daughter remember the laugh of her grandmother? The excitement my mom showed every time we came over? The way my mom loved her? Or is this, my mother hooked up to an oxygen tank as she struggled to move on her own, eat on her own and simply breathe on her own, going to be her lasting memories? 

I felt my moms fragile hand grasp my own as we laid her down in bed, my dad carefully pulling the comforter up her body to calm the chills, allowing me to lay down on his side of the bed next to her, giving my mom's hand a slight squeeze as my eyes stung with tears.

"Thank you for your help Leighton" My dad softly softly and I nodded, my eyes squeezing shut, my dad's sympathetic tone of my name making them open again. "It's going to be okay" he tried to reassure me and I just nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat. "Hey, come here for a sec" he offered me his hand. I just stared at it for a second before reluctantly dropping my moms and grabbing my dads, my dad carefully pulling me out of bed and into his arms, his arms wrapping around me, just holding me for a second.

I could feel the tension in my body as I fought back the tears, my dads hand holding my head against his chest as the tears finally fell, my body finally shaking.

Why can't I catch a break?

Why did this have to happen to me? To my family? To my daughter? To my dad?

God, my dad.

I felt my dads shirt begin to soak, my brain thinking about how he not only was losing his wife, but watching his kids lose their mother, his grandkids lose their grandmother and his mother in law lose her daughter.

"It's going to be okay Leigh" He reassured me, my deep breaths getting caught in my throat as I continued to cry.

"We're losing her dad" I cried, squeezing my arms tighter around his waist, the calm sound of his heartbeat against my ear making my crying calm down, just like when I was a kid.

"I know, but you'll always be her sunshine. You'll always have your mother, Leighton. Whether it's on earth, or in your heart, she'll always be here"

My eyes fell shut as my brain replayed all the times my mom has sung you are my sunshine to me, and how many times I've sung it to Gemma.

You'll always be her sunshine.

Once I pulled myself together, my breathing becoming less sporadic, my dad pulled away, cradling my face as he wiped my tears, laying a soft kiss against the top of my head. "We're going to be alright. We just need to cherish her while she's here, that's all" He gave me a soft smile and I nodded, wiping at my nose, wiping it against my shirt only to feel my hand graze against my bump.

"I need to tell her" My raspy voice cracked, coming out more like a breath as I looked over at my mom who looked so peaceful, even with the tense wrinkles on her forehead. "Even if she is too out of it to understand, or can't reply.. I need to tell her. I need to tell her she's going to be a grandmother again before it's too late" I told him, my voice beginning to get frantic, feeling like time was slipping out of my fingers.

"Let's get dinner, calm down and you can tell her later?" he suggested and I immediately shook my head.

"There is no later dad! I keep saying later. I'll do it later, I'll get to it later... and now it's later and she's dying!" I whined, struggling to hold back the cry that was destroying my vocal cords. "I need to tell her!" I quickly pushed away from him, moving to the other side of the bed, my hand carefully resting against my mom's shoulder.

"Mom?" I whispered, crouching next to the bed, "Mom? Mom?" I rubbed my hand against her shoulder, my heart beginning to race. "Mom?" I tried again, a little rougher this time, breathing out a breath of relief when her eyes opened, squinting before zoning in on me. "Hey" I smiled softly, thanking god my vision began to clear so I could fully see my mothers face. 

"Hi" Her raspy voice came out like a whisper, the smile tugging at her lips proving to be a challenge. 

"Hi mom. It's Leighton, I just uh, I wanted to tell you something" I tried to keep the weakened smile on my face, my hand coming down to rest against my bump, keeping my other hand on her shoulder. "Or um, more so show you something" I giggled, loving telling my mom that she's going to be a grandmother; this time just as terrifying and exciting as it was with Gemma, only everything was tainted with a little more sadness.

I watched her eyes fill with confusion as I slowly got up, backing away so she could see me, turning and lifting up my shirt, showing off the bump.

Her eyes widened a little, the smile on her face reaching a little bit higher as my vision blurred again.

"You're going to be a grandmother again!" I cheered, tears rolling down my face, "Colby and I are expecting a baby in May" I said softly, my hands running over my bare stomach. "Gemma's going to be a big sister. Dad's going to have another little grandbaby to love on. You're going to have another baby carrying your legacy" I continued, walking over and carefully playing her cold hand against my stomach. "They can't wait to meet their Nonna"  

~

Meeting up for lunch with Colby felt like getting ready for a first date.

The same jitters and anxiety riddled my thoughts as I applied the mascara to my lashes and laced up my sneakers, turning around, asking Gemma what she thought.

"I see Coco too, momma?" She asked, her arms crossed as she sat on the couch, her little legs not even long enough to properly dangle off the cushion.

"Later, okay? I need to have a grown up talk with Coco. Harper's coming over to play with you and Papa, isn't that exciting?" I smiled, hoping I could get her focused on something else.

"But I want to see Coco" She pouted.

"Soon, okay?"

"No! I see Coco!"

"Gemma Lorraine, stop yelling at mommy" I warned, only to be matched with wrinkled eyebrows, a scowl on her face.

"I see Coco"

"Gemma-"

"I SEE COCO!" She shrieked, murdering my eardrums.

"Inside voice-" I tried, only to be met with more screaming.

My tongue met my cheek as I counted to 10, taking a deep breath.

"Gemma-"

"I SEE COCO!" She screamed, tears rolling down her face.

"FINE!" I snapped, "Get your damn shoes, let's go" I grumbled, Gemma glaring at me. "Gemma, let's go" I said again, seeing my annoying toddler still sitting there, pouting.

"No go" She scowled, "Momma mean"

I rolled my eyes, taking a deep breath.

Here we fucking go.

"Gemma-"

"No!"

"Gem-"

"No go! Stay wif Papa" 

"Oh my god!" I groaned, running my hand through what once was nicely brushed, probably now looking a lot more messy, hair. "Are you coming or going"

"Wif Papa"

Great.

"Come give me a hug please" I crouched, awaiting the best hug from my best girl, only to be ignored. "Gemma? Please?" I asked, the scowl on her face starting to push my impatience buttons. "Gemma. Come give mommy a hug" I tried again, it hurting way more than it should to have my daughter reject me.

Gemma refused and I just sighed, taking a deep breath before leaning over and kissing the top of her head, only to get shoved by her little grubby hands.

"Gemma Lorraine, be nice to momma" I warned, quickly checking my phone, seeing I need to leave or else I'll be late. "I love you, be on your best behavior for papa, okay?" She nodded, sliding off the couch, making her way towards the stairs.

The drive to the café was quiet, the radio not being able to drown out my anxious thoughts.

I shut off the car, seeing the clock read 3 minutes after I was supposed to be there.

Having no time to actually mentally prepare myself for whatever was going to happen in there, I got out of the car, hearing the bell above the door ring as I entered, quickly spotting Colby sitting on his phone at a booth against the window.

"Hey" I announced my presence, sliding in on the opposite side, setting my back down; taking a look around the all too familiar café.

"Hey" He greeted, shutting off his phone and setting it aside, the simple action making me smile.

It was a small step in the right direction. Maybe he truly was willing to listen to me and work things out.

"How are you doing?" He asked, sliding the menu over to me, allowing me to scan my options.

With some quick small talk and our orders given to the waitress, Colby reached his hand over to capture mine, stopping me from my thumb twisting the anxiety fidget ring. 

I could feel my cheeks warm up as he squeezed my hand, removing his from my own, allowing me to drop it to my lap, "Sorry" I whispered, embarrassed by his noticing my anxious tick.

"It's okay. I'm sorry for making you anxious" He sent a small smile, his eyes full of sadness, making it incredibly difficult for me to not forgive him immediately. 

"Thank you for meeting me" I started, hating the way his face fell.

"Leighton, why wouldn't I come? I want to fix this just as much as you do. Believe it or not, I do love you"

"I love you too, but Colby, love doesn't always equate to happiness and that's nothing on you, it's just a fact. Shit happens, doesn't mean I don't love you"

"Are you in love with me?" He asked quietly, my chest tightening.

"I said yes, didn't I?"  I argued back, flashing my ring that lately as caused more mental pain than joy.

"Well clearly that doesn't mean anything" he grumbled, my stare becoming deadly.

Are we really doing this again?

"I didn't come here to fight, Colby"

"I know, I'm sorry" He sighed, "And I'm sorry for my actions these past few months. I've just... things have been hard, I'm sorry"

"Why couldn't you communicate that to me in real time, instead of apologizing way after you've messed up? I thought you said you were going to work on that"

"Because I thought I was getting better" He defended himself, sitting up straighter, his eyes refusing to look at mine.

Great.

"Did you not notice the damage you were leaving behind?" I replied, not meaning for it to come out as snarky as it did; Colby's glare making my stomach tighten.

We're not fighting today.

If we fight during our "civil meeting" then how is this ever going to work?

"The best I can do is apologize" Colby said, his jaw tightening a bit as he blew out a puff of air.

"No, the best you can do is change" I fought back, Colby giving me a look, "Sorry" I mumbled.

"Leighton, I'm not going to fu-" he paused, glancing around the place, "I'm not going to change overnight"

"I'm not asking you to-"

"It feels like you are" he interrupted, my shoulders dropping in defeat.

"I'm sorry. I'm just frustrated at the situation, and your lack of communication" I apologized, knowing what it feels like to constantly be belittled.

"What exactly are you expecting from me?" He questioned, both of us pausing as our food got set in front of us, my mouth salivating at sight.

This baby is going to make me so fat-

"Well for starters, you're not allowed to make Gemma cry. I don't want her having two shitty fathers, and before you start, I understand Gabe isn't the worst father in the world, but I hate seeing her feel sad every time she has to leave and having her sob to me over you on more than one occasion is more than enough to want me to cut off your baby maker" 

"I'm sorry for making her cry" he started, his eyes narrowing when I shook my head, "What?"

"It's not me you need to apologize to. She's little, but she's not dumb Colby. You can't act like she doesn't get it. You leaving affected her too"

"I'm proud of you, you know?" he said, my face scrunching up. "For standing up for her" he continued, keeping his eyes on me, "I remember how terrified you were to be a mother, and just.. seeing you stand up for your daughter, even if it's because of me, I'm proud of you and I'm glad you're the one having my baby even if I'm being an ass to you. As bad as it sounds, you sitting here, reprimanding me for making her cry.. makes me love you so much more. You're an amazing mother Leighton, and I don't tell you that enough; I'm sorry"

"Colby!" I whined, covering my face with my hands, "You can't get all sappy like that to a pregnant woman! I cry enough as it is" I pouted, peeking through my fingers. 

"I'm sorry" he chuckled, his hand softly pulling mine off my face, lacing our fingers, "I am extremely grateful towards you though Leighton and I'm sorry I've struggled to show that lately. You gave me love, a family, kids. I owe it all to you and I promise, I'm working on it" he brought my hands up to his lips, placing a soft kiss against the back of my hand as I wiped the fallen tear, trying to pull it together. "Thank you for carrying my baby. For keeping him or her safe. For being an amazing mother"

I nodded, taking a deep breath, shoving some fries into my mouth to distract myself, Colby snickering. "Shut up" I spoke with my mouth full, my cheeks turning red.

"You're cute, you know that?" He teased, allowing my hand to fall from his hold.

"Stop! You can't be nice to me!"

"I thought that's what you wanted" he laughed as I quickly blinked the emotions away.

"I cry easily! I put on makeup for this-" I whined, praying it wasn't smudged.

"You didn't have to do that baby"

"I wanted to look nice for you" I confessed, feeling my ears warm up.

"Leighton, you don't need makeup to look nice for me-"

"Stop!" I whined, ignoring his laughter as I covered my face again, praying to god I didn't lose it in front of all the waitresses.

"Gemma said you guys saw the baby?" He asked, not waiting for my reply as he continued, "I'm sorry I was selfish and missed it"

"One of the staff members recorded it" I informed him, taking a deep breath as I shoved everything down deep, pulling out my phone to show him.

I kept my eyes locked on Colby as the video played, analyzing any form of regret or even a twinkle of flee in his eye.

When the video ended, I watched his throat swallow, Colby's eyes stuck on the screen.

"Gemma's happy then?" He first asked, looking up at me.

"I don't know if she fully understands yet, but she seemed intrigued" I shrugged, Colby nodding.

"I'm sorry I missed it" He apologized, looking back down at my phone before sliding it over to me.

"Do you regret it?" I questioned, wishing I could read his mind.

"Regret what?"

"Missing it" I clarified, Colby sighing, "Leighton, why do you keep acting like I don't want this?"

"Because you're acting like you don't want this. Be honest with me Colby," I started, watching his eyes flinch, confusing me, yet I continued, "Do you want this? You can love me, you can love our baby, you can love Gemma, and not want this. Do you want this life with me?"

"Leighton," He said, and I stayed quiet, but he didn't continue, shaking his head at me, "Since when are you insecure about us? About our family?"

"Since you decided your quarter life crisis was more important" I stated emotionless, hating that he was acting like I'm the problem. Like me asking him what he wants makes me the bad guy.

"I do want this" he nodded, my eyes narrowing.

"Then why are you asking me if I'm insecure?"

"Because you keep hounding me about if I want a family with you!"

"Because you're acting like you'd rather be single! News flash Colby, I'm not polyamorous! This is it for me! So if you don't want it, just fucking tell me!" I snapped, tired of the constant back and forth.

Why can't this just be black and white cookie cutter easy to figure out relationship? Why is there so much damn gray area all the time?

"I want this Leighton"

"Then fucking act like it" I grumbled, tired of seeing him act like he'd rather be anywhere else but with me. His jaw clenched as he breathed in through his nose, his eyes locked with mine as I continued, "I talked to my therapist-" I started, Colby rolling his eyes, stopping me dead in my tracks. "What? Fucking what Colby? Why are you rolling your eyes"

"Nothing" 

"Oh my god!" I groaned, ready to just walk away. "What's your deal with couples therapy? Why do you get like this every time!"

"I don't"

"You do!" I argued, feeling my heart pick up it's pace in my chest.

"I went to couples therapy with you Leighton. It didn't fucking work"

Yeah and you sat in the chair like an overly anxious child waiting to get reprimanded by the principal!

"Then what does that say about us huh Colby? And don't tell me it didn't fucking work! We barely tried!"

"We did too try!"

"THAT'S EVEN WORSE!"

"Lower your voice, there are kids here" He warned, my lips pursing.

"Why did I think this would work?"

"Think what would work?"

"This!" I motioned between us, pulling out my wallet to pay for my food, quickly snatching my phone and bag as I slid out of the booth.

"What- Woah! Where are you going?"

"Fuck off" I grumbled, tossing my bag over my shoulder only for Colby to catch my hand.

"Leighton, baby, please"

"No"

"Please. I'm sorry"

"Tell it to someone who wants to hear it. I'm tired of fucking trying" I snatched my hand out of his grasp, ready to leave the restaurant only to feel him grab my hand again, standing behind me.

"Leighton, please. I want to work on us. I love you, I promise-"

"You shouldn't have to fucking promise me Colby! I should just know you do!" I snapped, my tone low as I glared at him. "You know, I came here today hoping we could figure this shit out. I had the idea of maybe we could do date nights one or twice a week, start hanging out more, communicating more, but no! Anytime I try to bring up actually making this shit work out, you ignore me or roll your eyes or act like whatever the fuck you're doing is better than anything I have to say. I'm fucking tired, and I know I'm not perfect, but... but at least I'm trying" My voice cracked, Colby's hand slowly intertwining with mine.

"I'm sorry" he repeated, pissing me off even more.

"Fuck you" I grumbled, snatching my hand back before quickly pushing open the door, my face getting hit with a gust of wind as my vison became blurry.

Why was this so fucking hard?

Was I that fucking unlovable that he'd rather be off doing god knows what?

Why won't he let me try and fix this? Suggest things we can do together! Build our relationship to be stronger! 

What was his fucking deal?!

"Leighton!" I heard him yell, the sole of his shoes slapping against the concrete as I quickly walked to my car, unlocking it as he caught up, "Please! Please, wait!"

"What!" I snapped, harshly turning around, only to lose my balance and began to wobble, Colby's hands reaching out to steady me only for me to swat them away, my body leaning against the front side of my car.

"I'm fucking sorry, okay? And I know that's getting old. I get it, I know! I'm just... Leighton, please. I want to fix this and I'm sorry I rolled my eyes. It's just... I didn't like couples therapy. I don't want to do it again"

"I wasn't fucking suggesting couples therapy Colby!"

"I'm-" he paused, exhaling, "What were you suggesting?" He asked quietly, my vision going red.

"YOU DON'T LISTEN TO ME!" I snapped, throwing my hands up as the frustration boiled over. "I fucking told you! I told you what I was going to suggest! Fucking date nights or something! Something to let us hang out, bond, get to know each other again! But noooooo, Colby doesn't fucking listen to me!"

"I'm sorry" he tried again, those two fucking words becoming an immediately trigger response for my brain to overreact to.

How many times is he going to apologize before he actually fucking changes?

"Fuck you" 

"Classy" he rolled his eyes, my own narrowing as I shoved myself off the car, opening my car door. "Leighton-"

"You're so fucking wishy washy all the damn time" 

"I'm wishy washy? What about you!" He shot back, the click of my buckle being faintly heard over our heavy breathing.

"What about me? When have I ever said one thing and done another? I try so fucking hard to be honest with you! To communicate with you! And what do I get in response? A roll of the eyes when I mention my therapist!"

"Because nothing good happens when someone says I talked to my therapist about you"

"Do you talk to yours about me?"

"I haven't gone in a while"

"That's the fucking problem! You've fully given up on your mental health and look where that's gotten us! I can't fucking fight for the both of us Colby!"

"I didn't fucking ask you to fight for me"

I rolled my eyes, turning my keys into the ignition, "Then fight for yourself"

I slammed my car door shut, the palms of Colby's hands showing on my window.

Inhale. Exhale.

I ran my hand over my bump, a feeling of dread washing over me.

Was I really about to be a single mom of two with two separate baby daddies?

"Leighton!" He yelled, his voice muffled as it bounced off the counter, the pads of his fingers tapping against the glass, "I want to do the dates!"

I rolled down my window, Colby quickly moving his hands, "And I want you to change" I replied, taking in the bags under his eyes and the way his skin lacked color at my words.

"This is me changing"

"Is it? Is this change and compromise or are you just saying what I want to hear?" I argued, Colby looking like a beaten down puppy, the twinkle in his eyes from earlier, gone.

"I. Want. You." He spoke slowly, his eyes locked on mine.

"I'm not asking you to change who you are" I spoke softly, the walls that I built crashing down to the ground. Why was love so hard? "I'm asking you to be the person I fell in love with, and if that person doesn't exist anymore.. if this is Colby now, then I don't want it"

"I don't know" he replied quietly, the AC of my car almost drowning out his confession.

"You don't know what?"

"If this is who I am"

"Is this who you want to be?" I asked softly, taking everything in me to keep my shit together for once.

Colby shook his head.

"Then work to be the man you want to be. I love you so much and it hurts so bad to feel unloved. Unwanted. Like you'd rather be anywhere else. I want to fix this, Colby. I want you too, but I don't want this if it's going to continue to look like this"

"I know, and I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry for it all" he apologized, "I'll get back in with my therapist, talk about med changes.." he trailed off, looking away.

"So you'll do the dates?" I asked quietly, my hand reaching out the window towards his face before freezing and retracting.

Am I allowed to touch him like that?

"I'll do the dates" He nodded, looking back over at me, his eyes falling down to my hand. "When are you coming home?" he asked, my stomach turning.

"Colby.."

"Leighton, please. I need you"

"We'll discuss me coming home when I don't feel like it's life or death with you"

"Leigh, baby, please. It's your home too"

"You pay the rent-"

"Fuck the rent. That apartment is yours. At the end of the day, it's yours Leighton. I don't fucking care if I still have to pay rent if I move out. If this shit doesn't work" he spoke quickly, not noticing me flinch at his words. If this shit doesn't work out, "That's your place"

"I want our place, Colby. To walk through that door and feel like I'm home with you"

"It is your home"

"It's our home, Colby" I corrected, the words "Your home" hurting way more than they should've.

Is that how he viewed the apartment? The place we lived? As mine?

"I don't want it Leighton"

"You don't want the apartment?" I frowned, a wave of sadness resting on my shoulders.

What was happening?

"I want a house with you" He corrected himself, his correction not taking away any of the rested sadness.

How does he view the place we share as mine when we got it together? It's not like we moved into Logan and I's place..

"I want a house too but-"

"But what? Leighton, we can fucking afford a house" he began to argue, only for me to cut him off, "Well clearly we can't even live in an apartment together so I'm not buying a fucking house with you unless we're done walking on eggshells. Look, I don't want to talk about this right now. Clearly we're in no place to be having this conversation-"

"We're getting married!" He cut me off, my face deadpanned as I replied, "Are we?" only for his eyes to widen.

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"I need to get back to my daughter, Colby. Let's do In and Out, say 7pm? That way I can feed Gemma, get her ready for bed and all that after work?" I suggested, unsure how I felt about this upcoming date.

Is In and Out a bad idea due to our past history? Or is it a good idea? Should I have picked somewhere we've never gone? Really start fresh?

"You want to go get fast food for our date? You want to work in fast food all day and then go back there?" He questioned, my heart feeling like it just got tossed down a well.

"It was just a suggestion" I sighed, running my hand through my long dark hair, my fingers getting caught in a few tangles causing me to wince.

"I know, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it to come out like that" Colby apologized, his words giving me flashbacks to all the times I've heard that before. "Do you want to do something chill, or something fancy?"

"Chill. I'm pregnant. I can't vomit in a 5 star bathroom Colby"

"You'd rather vomit in a dirty one?"

I glared, Colby's lips rolling into a thin line.

"Why don't we try that new place by our apartment? The place that replaced that pizza place you didn't like?"

"The new sandwich place?" I squinted, Colby nodding.

"I love you, but that sounds disgusting to me" I told him honestly, the idea making my stomach clench.

"Okay.. what if.. what if I made dinner?"

"You're making dinner?"

"At our place.. I know.. I know it's not ideal but uh, that way if you vomit, it's not in a dirty fast food bathroom"

I couldn't help but chuckle, my hand instinctively rubbing against my bump, "I love that we're basing our plans off me throwing up. How lovely"

"Let me try Leighton. Let me make it up to you, please" he begged, the twinkle of hope shining bright in his beautiful blue eyes.

"Dinner at our place" I agreed, nodding as I emphasized our, hoping he got the point.

"Dinner at our place" he repeated, a small smile cracking on my lips.

"I need to get home" I said quietly, glancing at the clock, seeing Gemma needed to have her bath soon and I needed to make sure my dad was able to get dinner done for the three of them. 

"Okay, I love you. Please drive safely and I'm sorry for everything. It was never my intention to fuck shit up like this"

"We're going to work on it, right?" I confirmed, Colby nodding. "Alright. I love you too, you drive safe as well and uh.. um.." I stuttered, my mind drawing a blank as Colby chuckled.

"Text me when you get home, okay?"

"Okay" I agreed, Colby backing away from my car so I could drive away, my heart racing out of anticipation.

Please let this dinner date go well..

* * * *

So Sam and Kat broke up... Now what? lol

Written on: May 16th, 17th, 19th, 20th, 21st, 22nd, 24th, 26th 2023

Published on: May 26th 2023

Word Count: 6286

Part Fourteen

[britswriting]

Desire (35)

Desire Masterlist

Read on Wattpad

Trigger warning: Mentions of drugs in conversation

*Colby's POV*

Watching someone you not only love, but believe in, struggle so much and have no idea how to help them has got to be one of the worst feelings in the world.

I got Gemma back to bed after about 20 minutes, grabbing my phone which was our makeshift baby monitor, making my way to search the house for Leighton, only to see her sitting by the pool, her body shaking.

I quietly walked out to the back, my feet making contact with the cold concrete. I sat down next to her, my feet hitting the cool water, staying quiet. We just sat there in silence, her cries quieting down, her body slumped forward.

"I'm sorry" She whispered, being the first to speak. "I'm just frustrated and overwhelmed. I didn't mean to yell at you, or wake up Gemma... I'm sorry" She sighed, her body showing just how tired she was.

"How about we go inside, grab a snack and relax and we can talk about it tomorrow when we aren't super tired?" I suggested, not wanting to push the issue further.

She nodded, letting me help her up, keeping my hand intertwined with hers as we headed inside.

"Are you hungry?" I asked quietly, entering the kitchen.

Leigh shrugged, seeming to be completely shutting down.

It was weird to watch her basically shut off. 

"Come here" I tugged her with me around the counter, lifting her up by her thighs so she was sat on the island. "We've got bread... Do you want like French toast? Grilled cheese? Egg sandwich? PB+J? I uh.. I don't know if we have any lunch meats" I rattled off, opening the fridge to scan my options. "Um, there are some leftovers from whatever Kat made" I hummed, my back to her as I scanned the shelves.

"A grilled cheese is fine" She mumbled and I nodded, opening the cheese drawer.

I prepped the bread and the pan, moving around the kitchen trying not to rattle too many things.

"You're not allowed to distract me" I warned, "I have a habit of burning these things" 

I saw a smile creep up on her face, giving me the small win.

"I'll eat a burnt grilled cheese" She said softly, getting me to grin.

I chuckled, shaking my head, "Doesn't mean I wanna serve you burnt food" 

"Becoming a chef?" 

"Well.. if you're trying so hard, the least I can do is learn how to cook. I figured it's about time" I shrugged, knowing this probably wouldn't stick, but it was the thought that counted.

"You really want to learn?" She asked, sounding surprised.

"Baby, all I can do is laundry and dishes... I don't even know how to grocery shop"

I surprised myself that I even let these thoughts slip out to her, knowing they were one of my biggest insecurities.

I want to be able to take care of my family, and not have everything be  dependent on "the wife of the household", but I've never had to do it, so I've never learned.

"You wanna grocery shop?" She asked, sounding even more surprised, yet confused.

"I want you to domesticate me baby" I murmured against her ear, kissing her cheek before moving back over to flip the grilled cheese.

I refuse to burn this one.

From behind me I heard, "Oh, you mean castrate you?" making me choke on my salvia, turning to look over at her, "Ha ha very funny. I mean it Leighton, I'm all in. Be my ball and chain" I joked, eyeing her real quick over my shoulder before attending back to the grilled cheese.

"How romantic, is that gonna be in your wedding vows?" She teased, a smirk finding its way on my face as I quickly replied with "It might be" Making her snicker, pushing herself off the counter, wrapping her arms around my waist.

"I am truly sorry for my outburst earlier" She whispered, pecking under my jaw. "It's just..." She paused, her fingers tapping against my side. I waited for a moment, but she never finished her sentence, so I grabbed her hand with my hand, stopping her anxious tapping, intertwining our hands and kissing the back of her fingers. 

"Life isn't easy, Leigh. We all have our things. Yes you have it worse than I do right now, I get that, but I want to be here for you. You're not alone, baby. You and Gemma will be just fine with me, even on your darkest days. I promise"

"Colby-"

"And I know that it's hard to look at your past-"

"Colby"

"In the face and have to deal with everything all over again"

"Colby"

"But sometimes to get true closure we have to do it"

"COLE!" She shouted, waving her hand in front of my face.

"What?"

"You're burning the grilled cheese!"

I looked over at the now burned and smoking grilled cheese, "Oh shit!" turning the heat off.

"Hurry before the smoke alarms go off and wake Gemma!" She spoke frantically, grabbing the spatula to take the burned toast off of the hot pan.

"I told you I always burn them!" I groaned, waving a towel in the air.

"Crack a window!" 

"We don't have a window in here!"

"Then wave faster before the smoke alarm goes off and-"

"Wakes Gemma, I know, I know!" 

We both ran around the kitchen like a chicken with our head cut off, trying to get rid of the smoke before the alarm went off, eventually getting it to calm down, finding ourselves leaning against the counters, laughing.

"I can't believe you burned it" She giggled, a silly grin on her face.

"It's your fault!"

"How?!" She laughed.

"You entered my bubble-" I started, but she interrupted me, making fun of me "Oh, I entered your bubble? Why didn't you say anything?"

"Yeah, you and your sexy body came into my bubble and distracted me-"

She bit her lip, her hands playing with the back of my hair, "My sexy body?" she hummed in a seductive tone.

"Leighton-"

"Come on Colby, let's go have some fun" her hands trailed down my shoulders to the front of my chest, slowly getting closer and closer to my groin, when I caught her, my hands holding her wrists.

"Leighton, no"

"Colby-"

"You are in no state of mind to do this right now"

"Colby please-" she begged, turning on her puppy dog eyes.

"No. You were crying half an hour ago. We aren't doing anything sexual. You need to sleep and we will talk in the morning. Here, how about I make you a PB and J, and then we'll go hit the hay" I suggested, undoing the twist tie.

"That rhymed" She grinned, her mood changing again.

I eyed her, confused as I put the bread on the plate.

"Are you okay?"

"Never been better" She grinned, creeping me out.

I stayed quiet, eyeing her in my prereferral vision, spreading the peanut butter.

 Has she lost her damn mind?

"Leighton, are you on something?" I asked quietly, ignoring every alarm bell in my head about keeping my mouth shut.

"What? No. Why would you say that?" She frowned, stepping away from me.

"You're acting weird"

"Oh, so I go through something, act a little funky and all of a sudden I'm on coke again?"

I sighed, "I didn't say you were on coke"

"Yeah? Well fuck you" She hissed, spinning around on her heel, ready to stomp away before I quickly wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her into me.

"I'm sorry, okay?"

"Let me go you asshole!" She wiggled against me, breathing heavy.

I let her go, not wanting to hurt her.

She quickly ran up the stairs, leaving me there confused.

I exhaled, grabbing the stupid sandwich I made, taking an angry bite out of it.

What the fuck am I gonna do with her?

I got back up to my room, confused when it was empty, including the baby.

"For fuck sake" I muttered, stomping out of the doorway and down the hall.

I opened every door I passed, peeking my head in and scanning the room.

I passed Sam's door, questioning if she would go in there, but I quickly turned around, hearing the sound of a toilet flush.

Knocking on the door, I sighed when I heard her sniffles. 

"Leigh? Baby? Can I come in?"

"Go away Cole"

"Leighton, please?"

"You think I'm some drug addict whore just like the rest of them! Well news fucking flash, I don't fucking need you!"

I blew out an exhale, resting my head on the door, only to almost fall when the door got whipped open. "Leighton- wait, where are you going?"

"None of your fucking business, we're done" She hissed, Gemma on her hip and a bag in hand.

I spun around after she pushed passed me, following her down the hall towards the stairs, "Are you for fucking real right now?" 

"As real as a damn heart attack" She grumbled, descending down the stairs.

"Leighton, stop running"

"Screw you" She called back, my heavy footsteps following her.

"Classy" I muttered, earning a middle finger. "Stop fucking running!"

"YOU THINK I'M ON DRUGS!"

"Leighton-"

"SHOVE IT WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE COLBY!"

"Woah, what the hell is going on?!" Sam yelled, my head whipping around to see him half asleep, standing at the top of the stairs.

"Ask your dickhead best friend!" She hissed, Gemma now crying as she slipped on her shoes, snatching her keys off the table.

"Colby, what the fuck did you do now?" Sam asked, his voice laced with tiredness.

"Fuck off Sam, this doesn't concern you." I snapped, reaching the end of the stairs, "Leighton, stop running and act like an adult!"

"Sorry, I can't fucking hear you. My brains like scrambled eggs from all the meth I've done!" 

"Leighton that's not fucking funny"

"Fuck off and fuck you" She shouted, Kat now standing next to Sam as she threw the front door open, my feet carrying me after her.

"What the hell did you do Colby?" Kat called from the rail, Sam now walking down the stairs.

I rolled my eyes, slamming the front door shut as I followed her.

"I'm sorry!" I shouted, Leighton standing at the back door of her car. "I didn't mean it"

"Yeah, that's why your mouth fucking talked, huh? 'Cause you didn't mean it!" 

"Leighton, please don't leave. I only have so long with you before you go back home-"

"Sorry, I can't hear you! I'm too busy snorting coke!" 

"Please don't drive when you're mad! Don't harm Gemma like that, please!" I begged. "Look, we have guest rooms. Countless of them, take one of those and leave in the morning. Please Leigh-"

"Colby no I-"

"Please" I begged again, my tone breathless, exhausted from chasing her all over the house.

She moved in front of the open door, getting in my face, "Don't you fucking dare say I'm on drugs again, got it?" She warned, her voice low and scary.

I nodded slowly, my chest heaving as I tried to keep it together.

She picked Gemma back up, carrying the crying baby past me.

I rolled my head back, letting out a deep breath, shutting the car door for her.

I waited a few minutes, letting myself calm down and think for a moment before following her back in the house, flashbacks of when I tried to kick her out coming to mind. 

I found her sitting in the living room, consoling Gemma, Sam sat across from her.

"You, with me, now" Kat snapped, grabbing me by my shirt and dragging me to the other room. "What the fuck did you do?!" She hissed quietly, her arms crossed, glaring at me.

"Please, not now-"

"No, what the hell just happened!" 

I shook my head, not wanting to deal with this right now. "It's none of your business Katrina" I went to walk out of the room, Kat grabbing my arm.

"Talk to me Colby!" 

"My relationship is MY relationship! I don't need you meddling"

"Colby-"

"Kat, please, if you're my friend, stay out of this"

"But Colby, what happened? Tell me, please"

I clasped my hands together, running them from my forehead to the back of my head, taking a deep breath, resisting the urge to crumple onto the floor. My eyes closed, as I tried to get it together.

No one knew that Leighton struggled with addiction. I can't just say I was stupid and accused her of being on something, when they don't know the whole story. I have zero energy right now to one, fill her in, two, argue with her, and three, betray Leighton like that and go deeper into the dog house.

I blew air out of my mouth, opening my eyes as I looked at her, "I can't. Not right now. I need to go fix this" I walked back into the living room, Sam now gone, Leighton nursing as she stared at the wall.

"Can I talk please? You just need to listen. You can still be mad, I fucked up, I get that.. just.. please, let me fix this" I begged, standing in front of her, Leighton glaring as she snatched a throw blanket to cover herself.

"What part of we're done don't you understand?" 

"The part where we're both stressed and saying things we don't mean"

Her face was hard, cold even, "Yeah? Well if accusing me of being on drugs can fall so easily out of your mouth, clearly we never had an understanding" 

"I fucked up, I'm sorry.. but would you rather me ask if you're fucking bipolar? I mean honestly, what the fuck was that back in the kitchen?" I asked, letting my second other thought slip out, instantly regretting it, but it was too late.

"Bipolar?"

"Yes fucking bipolar! You went from crying, to wanting to seduce me, to grinning!"

"And that makes me fucking bipolar? Who are you? My therapist?" 

"Your boyfriend actually, in case you forgot" 

Her eyebrows went up, a knowing look on her face, "Actually, I dumped your sorry ass" 

I rolled my eyes, instinctively replying "In your fucking dreams" instantly regretting it, quickly speaking up before she could go off again, "What's happening Leighton?" I asked, Leighton staying quiet which surprised me. I sighed yet again, feeling defeated as I sat down on the couch. "I'm sorry.. it's just, you're acting weird and you're not letting me in on what's going on inside of your head.. and yes, it came to my mind that maybe you were back on something but look at it from my point of view-"

"Your point of view is shitty"

"Leighton, please"

"I don't like being accused of being on drugs" She confessed quietly, so quiet that I almost didn't hear her.

"And I'm sorry that I did that"

I leaned forward on my knees, looking over at her tired face, seeing the tears roll down her face, Gemma's hand grabbing the blanket, pulling it down.

"Look it slipped out and I'm sorry"

Her eyes met mine, breaking my heart.

"Do you think I would do that?"

"Leigh-"

"No, really. Do you think I'd go back?" She asked, her tone full of insecurity.

Was she doubting herself? 

It was quiet for a moment, Leighton wiping her tears.

"Do you want to?" I asked her, watching the way her face reacted when she heard the question.

She chuckled dryly, rolling her eyes as she sniffled, "That's the million dollar question, isn't it?"

My heart dropped.

"No, cut the shit Leighton. Whoever this is, sitting in front of me isn't the girl I know. — Do you want to go back on drugs?"

I wasn't backing down. 

So what if we fight, yell things at each other, doesn't mean I love her any less. She wants to storm out of here, run to her parents house and tell me to fuck myself? At the end of the day, I know who she is, and I meant it when I said not every day was gonna be perfect. I'll still be here with an open door and open arms. You don't give up on people just because it gets hard.

Everyone abandons her, and I refuse to be another name on that list.

"I'm trying to expunge my record aren't I?"

I pursed my lips, shifting to the edge of the couch, "I don't know, are you?"

"I want to"

I sighed once again, tiredness starting to cloud my thoughts, "Is this how things are gonna be? I have to argue with you to get the truth?" I asked, Leighton fixing her nursing bra, sitting Gemma upright.

"I'm fucking terrified? Is that what you want to hear?" 

"If that's the truth, then yes. At the end of the day, all I want is the truth" I stood up, crouching in front of her, my hands resting on her knees. "I'm sorry for suggesting that you're on drugs. I know you're not" 

"I don't like thinking that you think that low of me" She said softly, rubbing salt into my wound of regret. "I just.. I want to start fresh, okay? Gabe always accused me of being on stuff, and even if he was right most of the time.. it hurt when he was wrong. It's exhausting having to constantly prove yourself. I'm not on drugs. I haven't been in months" She had this sad puppy dog look on her face"

"I believe you" I spoke quickly, speaking over her as she continued. 

"And it hurts hearing that that is what your mind went to first.... I know I'm to blame. I wrote this narrative for myself.. I just.. I wish I could rewrite my story" She frowned, leaning back against the couch, cuddling Gemma in an attempt to soothe the baby to sleep. 

"You can, and you are" I reassured her, wishing I could pull her into me and hold her. "I'm sorry that I doubted you.. just you've always talked about how when things get stressful, you tend to go back to using, or that the urge is more prevalent"

"It is, and I'm working on it.. I'm sorry for making you doubt me" She apologized and I quickly shook my head.

"No, I was in the wrong. I apologize for ever having doubt cross my mind. That was on me, and I'm incredibly sorry"

"I'm sorry for name calling you" She whispered, her hand under Gemma's butt, the other resting on her back as she attempted to get the child back asleep, changing positions as Gemma whined.

"Is this the part where we kiss and make up now?" I asked with a sly smile, Leighton's lips tugging upwards.

"You're annoying, you know that?" She muttered, her lips finally cracking into a smile.

I leaned forward, muttering "Ditto" against her lips before pressing a soft yet firm kiss, feeling the way her body instantly melts into mine. "Come on, let's get our sweet girl to bed, Gemma too" 

I woke up that morning to Gemma's sweet babbling, rolling out of bed, scooping her up.

"Good morning princess? — Jesus Christ you smell" I gagged, my nose wrinkling as I walked over to her diaper bag, finding her wipes.

One disgusting diaper change later, I found myself in the kitchen with Gemma, scrambled eggs in the pan.

"We gotta help momma today, think you can do that? Be good for mommy?" I asked her, bouncing her in front of me, trying to keep her entertained.

Halfway through making breakfast, she screamed to be put down, crawling all over the kitchen, opening any cabinet she could reach.

"Careful G" I called out, my eyes glancing down every two seconds to check what she was doing.

One cupboard slam later I knew this wasn't gonna end well, afraid her little fingers would find itself stuck between the harsh motion.

"G, want a spoon?" I waved a wooden spoon, handing it down to her, letting her bang it on things.

I got breakfast plated, calling Gemma to follow me like a dog, my hands too full to carry her.

"Ladies first" I motioned towards the stairs, hoping she could crawl up them, quickly learning she didn't know how. "You are your mothers daughter" I chuckled, setting the plate of food on the stairs, picking her up before carefully grabbing it. "You keep your grubby little hands out of my eggs. I know where those fingers have been" This baby has stuck her fingers in her diaper one too many times.

"Gemma Lorraine!" I gasped, a handful of my eggs between her fingers, watching her squish them and squeal. "Do not put those in your-" I started, her hand reaching her mouth, "Mouth" I exhaled in defeat, too late to stop her.

Her hand kept squishing the eggs, letting the pieces fall back onto my plate as she giggled.

I pushed open my door with my foot, setting my plate of baby fingered eggs on my desk before plopping the giggling baby on my bed, knowing she was about to get eggs on my freshly changed sheets. 

I placed Leightons plate on my side table, crawling into my bed, pulling Gemma to me by her leg, hearing her giggles. "Come here you little egg monster" I picked her up under her armpits, placing her on top of Leigh, "Time to wake Mommy"

Gemma ended up smacking Leigh pretty hard on the face, making me laugh even though I tried not to.

"G, you got to be nice" I reprimanded, trying to stifle my laughter as Leighton groaned.

"Say morning Momma, we made eggs" I encouraged, wincing and trying not to laugh as she smacked Leighton again.

"Morning" Leighton mumbled, her hand coming up to grab Gemma's hand. "Thank you for slapping me in the face, baby" She teased, carefully pulling Gemma off of her to lay between us, running her hand over the top of Gemma's head, taming her hair. She looked up over at me, a small smile on her face as Gemma cuddled into her, tugging at the neckline of her shirt, "Thank you for breakfast" 

We eventually got out of bed, and when we made our way downstairs to head out of the house, Kat had emerged from the bathroom, a stone cold glare on her face as Leighton slipped on her shoes.

I gave Kat a weird look, confused by the non-verbal interaction, Gemma waving around my car keys. Kat walked away, Sam's voice coming from the kitchen, asking her a question to which she replied as if she didn't just me a death glare

Once we had gotten to Leighton's parents home, there was a text on my phone from Katrina that read "We need to talk" confusing me since last night had nothing to do with her.

I removed the notification, letting my phone screen go black as Leighton got out of the car, opening the back door to get Gemma out.

When the front door opened I couldn't help but internally gasp at the sight of Leighton's mother.

"There's my sweet girl" Her mom's now raspy voice cooed, brushing her hand against the child's cheek. 

I shut the door softly behind us, Leighton and her mom having some small talk about the flight and our plans for today.

"Where's dad?" Leigh asked, letting Gemma down on the floor.

"He's with Landon at Cynthia's. He should be back in about 20 minutes"

Once we were alone in the kitchen, I asked quietly, "I thought she was getting better?", noticing the sadness in Leighton's eyes.

She just shrugged, fixing Gemma's bottle, Gemma tugging at my pant leg out of impatience.

"Hold on G" I chuckled, looking down at her, eventually giving in and picking her up, her body leaning forward with grabby hands, whining as she tried to get the bottle from her mom.

"Gemma, give me a second. I gotta make sure it isn't hot"

"Do you not give her cold milk yet?"

She shook her head, handing the bottle to Gemma who happily stuck the nipple into her mouth, trying to wiggle out of my hold, having me set her down.

"We're in trouble the second she learns how to use her feet, she's already a wiggly little baby" I chuckled, watching her sit on the tile with her bottle.

Leighton stayed quiet, moving over to the fridge and pulling out a juice container and setting it onto the counter, opening an overhead cupboard and grabbing a glass.

"Leighton? Is everything okay?" I watched her carefully, not sure how to take the silence.

I walked up behind her, moving her hair away from her neck and pressing a kiss against her cheek, "Talk to me Leigh" I spoke quietly, feeling her relax under my touch.

"I think moms sick again"

"Again? You mean still?" I corrected, confused when she shook her head.

"No, she was sick, like had a cold or whatever.. but Colby" She whimpered towards the end, setting her glass on the counter and turning around to face me. "She looks and sounds like when she was diagnosed" Her glossed over eyes made my instincts kick in, pulling her into my chest and wrapping my arms around her, holding her close. "I can't do this again" She whimpered against me, her face pushing into my neck.

I tried the glass half full approach, "Leighton, she could be okay" but she shut that down immediately.

"No, you don't understand.. She looks the same. That same sick look, the tiredness in the eyes, the droop of the skin... Colby" She turned to look up at me, a single tear rolling down her cheek, "I can't do this again. I can't lose her... do you think she knows?" 

"We don't even know if anything is wrong" I reminded her, wanting to take this pain away, but I knew it was here and going to stay.

"I know Colby. I know that look! That voice..."

"Leighton" I sighed, my sympathetic side taking over.

"She was supposed to be okay" She frowned, wiping the fallen tear from her cheek.

I stayed quiet, not having any idea of how to make this better. 

What do you say to someone who is worried their mothers cancer is back? 

Right when I went to finally reply, I was interrupted by her dad coming in through the garage door, a tired look on his face as well, before being quickly replaced with a fake excited smile when he noticed Leigh.

I immediately got that same gut feeling in my stomach that Leighton probably had and I had no idea how to fix it.

I knew we were in trouble, and I wasn't sure if I could keep picking up the pieces.

* * * *  

Written on: November 13th, 14th, 16th 2022

Published on: November 16th 2022

Word Count: 4339

Part Thirty Six

[britswriting]

Desire (40)

Desire Masterlist

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*Leighton's POV*

Life's definitely been weird lately. I hated feeling like I was constantly walking on eggshells around everyone, but I was afraid that with one wrong move, everything would come crumbling down. So that's why on Thursday morning, Gemma and I decided to make Colby some brownies before I had to go over to Cynthia's, taking my mind off of whatever might happen there. 

"Come here baby!" I encouraged Gemma to crawl over to me, her hands grabbing my pajama pants to try and lift herself up. "You're getting so big" I kissed her cheek, picking her up, holding her on my waist. "Wanna help mommy? Here baby, we're making Colby yummy treats"

I grabbed her bumbo chair, plopping her down on the kitchen island, buckling her in before opening the box of brownie mix, handing her the bag of dry ingredients to mess around with whilst I got the wet ingredients ready.

I cut open the bag, moving the bowl closer to her. "Look Gem" I hummed, smiling when she giggled as the powder landed in the bowl, creating a dust cloud.

I listened to her giggles and babbles whilst I baked, finding myself smiling every time I looked over at her.

She just looked so happy.

I picked her up out of the booster seat, holding her on my hip as I cooed at her; picking up the oil. "Wanna help momma? Here baby" I pried open her hand, letting her grip the measuring cup in front of my hand. "Let's pour it in" I murmured, leaning her forward as we dumped the oil in "Woo!" I cheered, a big smile on her face as I bounced her. "Let's drop it in the sink baby"

I chuckled when her eyes widened at the loud noise, the metal measuring cup having been tossed into the sink. 

I tried to have her help me stir the ingredients, but she had more fun just clutching a wooden spoon in her little hand and banging it on the bowl.

"You're going to be such a little chaos baby aren't you" I snickered, her hand pulling at my shirt as I stretched, her eyes wide. "I've got you baby. Look at your chubby little cheeks!" I munched on her cheek making her laugh, loving hearing her belly laugh.

I sat on the floor with Gemma, playing with some blocks and baby books as we waited for the brownies. When the timer rang, I hurried to the oven; hearing Gemma's baby hands smack the floor as she crawled, following me.

"Watch out baby" I warned, not wanting her by the oven. Not surprisingly, she didn't listen. "Come here monkey, up you go" I moved her to the bumbo seat, clipping her in so I could grab the brownies.  "Look yummy, baby?" I asked, showing her the brownies from afar, giggling at her grabby hands and whines. "We've gotta give them to Colby honey, you can't have one" her lip quivered, destroying my heart. "I'm sorry baby, you did such a good job though! You were such a big helper!"

Her whimpers turned into cries; her hands reaching for the pan of brownies.

"It's gotta cool off Gemma" 

I sighed, setting the browns down and picking her up, bouncing her in front of me as I made funny noises; trying to get her to laugh again. I kissed all over her face, hearing her small giggles start to erupt from her.

I grinned, feeling proud of myself. "I knew you had giggles in you. You're such a giggly little girl aren't you? Mommy's giggly little monkey" I cooed, loving the smile on her face right now.

She eventually started whining, so I let her down, listening to her little baby hands slap the floor as she crawled away.

I kind of missed when she didn't know how her legs worked. She's been getting quicker at crawling, making my life even more stressful as I tried to keep her out of danger.

By the time we were out the door, Gemma had completely forgotten about the brownies she so desperately wanted, making my life a million times easier.

When we arrived at Cynthia's door, I helped Gemma ring the doorbell, her eyes wide when we heard Nova's barks on the other side of the door.

Cynthia opened the door, appearing extremely pregnant which looked so weird considering I haven't seen her in so long. 

Nova was going berserk at us, barking and going into a play bow, her nub wiggling as Gemma stared at her with wide shocked eyes.

"It's like the doggies at home G, Remember Captain, and Dakota?" I smiled, trying to get Gemma to giggle again by bouncing her and tickling her tummy, even placing a kiss on her cheek. 'Nova sure has missed you baby, she's so excited. Wanna say hi?" I asked, crouching down so we were at Nova's level.

I tried so hard not to laugh at how shocked and overwhelmed Gemma appeared, her eyes wide and lips parted as Nova came up and sniffed her.

"Do you not remember our doggies at home? Nova looks just like them" I giggled, Cynthia smiling down at us.

"Nova, be a good girl. Gentle" Cynthia reminded the dog, Gemma's hand coming out to hit the top of Nova's head.

"G, careful" I softly lectured, Nova freezing. "Nova, you're going to have to get used to little baby hands smacking you" I chuckled, running my hand over Nova's head and ears. "You're such a good girl; I've missed you" I hummed, the memory of when I first met her coming to the forefront in my head.

"She's gotten so big since the last time I saw her" Cynthia fussed, her eyes a little glossy. "I totally get your pregnancy meltdowns now" She giggled, wiping under her eyes before reaching out for Gemma. "You're getting so big!" Cynthia bounced, Gemma clapping her hands which made me laugh.

"She's been loving to hear herself make noise lately, so sorry in advance" I warned with a snicker, focusing my attention back on Nova, peeping up over at my daughter and sister in law.

I honestly felt really nervous visiting Cynthia today, but surprisingly it went well. Neither of us really brought up our slight falling out, sort of just making it water under the bridge as we hung out and caught up.

We both ended up getting emotional when she mentioned Logan not being here for the delivery of her baby. I hated that for both of them. I knew how much it would mean for my brother to be at his child's birth, and I hate that he has to miss it. I hate that he's gone and that neither of us can turn to him whenever we need him. He was my rock at my lowest points and fuck did I miss him.

G and I left around dinner time, making our way towards Colby's, and I was annoyed that Gemma had fallen asleep in the car, knowing how much of a pain in the ass it has became to transfer her from her car seat to her crib.  

I carefully unclipped her buckles, wincing when I saw her face scrunch up.

Shit.

I paused my movements, waiting it out, only to continue when I saw her face relax.

Thank god.

I carefully moved my fingers under her armpits, slowly lifting her out of the seat, praying to god that she stayed asleep.

I thanked the good lord when she was safely against my chest, not making a peep. I gently closed the car door, bouncing and shushing her as her body froze at the sound, trying so desperately to keep her asleep.

I rang the bell, rocking Gemma softly, humming as I waited.

The door quickly opened, startling me as Jake stood there in front of me.

My face scrunched up as he let me in.

"Jake?"

"Hey Leighton" He welcomed, my feet carrying me into the house, Jake shutting the door behind me.

"Why are you here? Not that I uh.. don't want to see you.. but?"

"Oh! I heard about what happened to Colby, wanted to make sure he was okay" 

I nodded, continuing my soothing motion to keep Gemma asleep.

"Where is he?"

"Up in his room, I really have to poop so sorry to just leave you, but uh" He laughed, throwing me a peace sign for quickly walking to the bathroom.

I took a deep breath, shaking my head before walking further into the home.

I didn't see anyone downstairs, so I walked upstairs and found Gemma's makeshift crib still in the guest room, laying her down and carefully closing the door.

I knocked on Colby's bedroom door, my lips pursed as I waited.

"Come in!" He called, my hand twisting the handle as I pushed open the door, spotting him immediately. "Oh! Hey" he smiled, making me smile as I walked over to him.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" I asked quietly, stepping over a pile of laundry as I walked over to him.

"Been alright" I nodded, leaning down to kiss him. "I thought you had plans today?"

"I already went and saw her, wanted to come see you before it got too late. Gemma and I wanted to drop off something we made for you, but it's still in the car"

"You didn't have to do that babe-"

"It's nothing. Was a good distraction" I shrugged, Colby nodding.

"Where is G?"

"Asleep in the guest room"

"Ah! So I have you all to myself" he smirked, his hand grabbing my wrist, "Come here pretty girl" he hummed, patting his lap and my eyes widened.

"Absolutely not! Your leg is injured!"

"My leg is, but my thigh isn't-"

"Colby, no!"

"Party pooper"

"No! I don't want to hurt you!"

"Excuses"

"Colby!"

"Fine, fine!"

"You're annoying" I muttered, Colby chuckling.

"Come sit with me at least. If I can't have you on my lap, I at least want you on my bed"

I obliged, moving to the other side of the bed, crawling under the covers and cuddling closer to him.

"I've missed you, I hope you've had a good day"

"S'fine" I slurred, shifting under his arm. "I wasn't expecting Jake to open the front door"

"Yeah? It's been nice seeing him though! It's been a while"

I nodded, "Do you guys talk often? You haven't spoke about him in a while"

"Been busy"

"Too busy for your friends?"

"Something like that" He said softly and I dropped it, not wanting to ruin this moment somehow.

I ended up falling asleep against his chest, Colby scrolling through his phone and showing me a few Instagram posts here and there before dozing off.

When I woke up, the bed was empty.

I huffed, stretching out against the silk sheets, not bothering to get up until I remembered he had a broken leg and somehow wasn't in this bed right now.

When I got out of bed, I quickly used his bathroom before walking to the guest room, seeing the door open and the playpen crib empty.

Surely he didn't carry my baby and his crutch down the stairs, right?

I descended down the stairs, faint voices directing my feet towards the living room.

I turned the corner, Sam, Jake and Colby all sitting on the couch, Gemma snuggled into Sam's chest appearing passed out as they all talked.

Shit. I didn't want to disrupt them. I didn't want to be that person who came between their hang out time.

I sighed and walked back up the stairs, knowing Gemma was fine.

I crawled back into Colby's bed, missing the warm covers as I texted a few people back.

Landon and I were currently looking at possibly getting an apartment together which made my chest flutter, and not in a good way.

I hated the idea of moving back home, but I really didn't want to miss out more time with my mom, so I knew I needed to suck it up and just do it. After all, it shouldn't be permanent, but like Colby said, it should help make this a lot more convenient as I tried to get my record expunged. 

I was however nervous about landing a job here again, especially after how hard it was the first time, meaning I needed to start my search now.

I don't know how long I laid in bed for, but I did text Colby letting him know I was up and to text me if Gemma needed anything.

I was definitely surprised when three hours went by before I got a text asking if I was staying for dinner.

I sent back that I didn't want to intrude on their guy time, Colby leaving me on seen.

The clock read 6:40, and I knew Gemma should've been hungry a while ago which was confusing.

I walked down into the kitchen, prepared to see a cranky baby, but instead I saw her sitting in her High Chair happily eating the food in front of her.

"You guys didn't have to do that" I spoke, startling Sam.

"She was hungry and you were resting" Colby shrugged, offering Gemma her bottle.

"But-"

"No but's Leighton. She's fine"

I sighed, nodding. "Thank you for your help" I ran my hands over his shoulders, his back to my chest as I bent down and leaned forward to place a kiss on Colby's cheek. "You really should be the one resting though" I mumbled into his ear before fixing my posture.

"I'm alright Leighton, stop worrying. Just sore, but I have meds"

I kept quiet and just observed as Colby fed Gemma dinner, Sam and Jake sat at the kitchen island scrolling through their phone.

"Do you leave tomorrow?" Sam asked, looking up from his phone.

"Yeah, at 3pm"

"Are you staying the night?"

"I don't want to intrude. I'll head out soon" 

I heard Colby sigh, "Leighton, you're not intruding"

Doesn't feel like it.

"It's fine Colby, I know you haven't seen Jake in a while. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Oh! Speaking of, I need to go get your treat!"

I carried the brownies in, Gemma's big smile making me laugh when I entered the kitchen again, her face covered in food.

"You having a good time baby?" I giggled, setting the glass pan on the kitchen table. 

"What did you make me? Oh! Brownies! Yummy" Colby spoke in an excited tone towards Gemma, Gemma instantly giggling at him.

"G was a big helper. She definitely deserves all of the credit"

"Yeah? You gonna be a baking prodigy Gem?"

~

"You really don't have to go Leighton-"

"It's fine. I need to get her to bed at a reasonable time anyway"

"Leighton, honestly you're not intruding"

"Colby, hang out with Jake. I'm not mad or anything. You're allowed to hang out with your friends. I wouldn't of came if I knew he was here"

His eyebrows furrowed, "Do you have a problem with Jake?"

"What? No. Why would you think that?"

"Because the second you got here, you've been eager to leave"

"No. I just don't want things to be weird. I don't want to intrude on your hang out time or whatever"

"For the last time, you're not intruding! No one is mad that you're here. It's literally all in your head!"

I frowned, "It isn't in my head. I just.."

"You just what, Leighton?"

"It's nothing. I gotta go. Please be careful and I'll text you before I leave"

"What? I'm not seeing you tomorrow before you fly out?"

"I don't want to intrude-"

"Oh for the love of god! You're not intruding!" His voice raised, catching me off guard, "What is going on?"

"Nothing is going on"

"Leighton!"

"What?"

"Stop it. What the fuck is wrong?"

"Nothing"

"Why are you lying to me?"

"I'm not lying to you. Why do you think I'm lying? Why are you making such a big deal out of this?!"

"Maybe because I don't want my girlfriend to leave? Maybe because you leave tomorrow and I want to spend time with you, and you're leaving and saying I won't even see you before you fly out tomorrow?!"

"What, do you want to see me tomorrow? You should be resting! It's not like I'll never see you again!"

He groaned, "Fine whatever. Have a safe flight back" He muttered, turning to crutch away from me.

"Colby! Stop being dramatic!"

"Goodbye Leighton"

I rolled my eyes, slamming the door behind me as I made my way towards the car, feeling extremely frustrated.

What was such a big deal of me leaving so he could hang out with his friend? It's not like he was hanging out with me anyway. 

I don't understand.

When I got back to my parents house, I got Gemma ready for bed and thankfully she went down nicely, leaving me to be able to watch a movie with my mom that night, trying not to focus on whatever Colby's problem was earlier.

Right before we boarded our flight, Colby sent me a text saying he loved me and to fly safe. The text under it read to send him a text or call him when I landed.

I sighed, leaning my head against Gemma's, thankful that she was in a good mood today.

The flight went well, Gemma and I watched baby shows the entire flight, keeping her occupied for the most part.

Once I got my bags and waited for Uncle Garret to pick me up, I texted Colby that I had landed safe, not hearing from him until hours later.

Towards the end of August Aaliyah had flown in to hang out with us, and it definitely felt good to see her again.

It felt like no time had passed at all and it made me feel silly for letting my mom make me think Aaliyah was distancing herself, reminding myself that we both were just busy now.

Aaliyah and I made cookies one night as we watched Hell's Kitchen, just enjoying each other's company again and I loved seeing how excited Gemma got seeing her Aunt Lay Lay.

"She is getting so big! I remember when you were in your mommy's tummy" Aaliyah spoke in a funny voice to her. "That feels like so long ago" She sighed, looking over at me.

"I can't believe she's going to be a year in practically two months" I sighed, wishing I could turn back time.

By mid September Landon and I had found an apartment, my dad and him going to go snoop it out, FaceTiming me the walk through and letting me hear the realtors spiel about why this place was so great.

Colby and I have been okay.

We've definitely been FaceTiming a lot less lately which sucked, but we were both pretty busy so I understood.

Colby's leg had been healing well, and he was able to walk on it now, he just had to be careful, so I was pretty pissed when I found out that he had gone on a trip with Sam to go film at some weird haunted place, but I kept it to myself.

The last thing I wanted to be was controlling. I was just worried, but I was afraid he wouldn't understand where I was coming from, and I really didn't want to argue anymore.

Aunt Ginger helped me pack up my stuff whilst Gemma was FaceTiming Gabe aka Gabe was talking to her and watching her play, Gemma completely ignoring his presence, more interested in the building blocks in front of her.

"So Leighton" I heard him call, catching my attention.

"Hm?"

"What are we doing for her birthday? When am I booking my flight?"

"What do you mean? You're not going to be here for her actual birthday?"

"Are you having the party on her birthday?"

"I don't know yet Gabe"

"Well that's what I'm trying to figure out. I need to figure out my classes, Leigh, and buy tickets before it's last minute. Speaking of, can I bring Zara?" He asked, stopping me in my tracks.

"You want to bring your new girlfriend to our daughter's first birthday?" I asked, caught off guard. I saw him nod and I sighed. "Fine, but she's not allowed in all of the photos. I don't want her in all of my daughters first birthday photos if you don't stay together"

I opened my calendar, scrolling two months over. "Her birthday is a Thursday.. Do we want to do it on the following Saturday? The 27th? — Shit, we can't. That's Sam's birthday"

"Leighton, who cares-"

"I'm not going to intrude on Sam's birthday Gabriel"

He rolled his eyes as I scanned my calendar, trying to figure out when the best time for her party would be.

"Do we even want to have a party? We could just spend it together with her. Order a cake, buy some gifts. Have it be lowkey" 

"She deserves a party Leighton"

"But she's not even going to remember it!"

"No one said it had to be extravagant, but she should at least be celebrated. You just said you wanted to do family photos or whatever"

"Well yeah"

"Look.. it's still two months away.. but we do need to figure it out. I can't miss too much school, so I wouldn't be able to stay for like a week or whatever, but I could come for like three days or something"

"I mean.. we could do it Friday, the 24th? Or the Saturday before her birthday"

"Do you want to do it that far before her birthday?"

"I don't fucking know Gabe! I haven't thought about it!"

"Shit, her birthday lands on Thanksgiving Leigh"

"Fucking hell, why couldn't she have been born on her due date? — Wait, shit! That's going to be a recurring problem isn't it?!"

"Yeah"

"God dammit! Well fuck us, right? How the fuck are we supposed to do her birthday parties!"

"Like we are now, before or after her birthday"

"We could just have it on Thanksgiving. We could all come together-"

"We both know that's a bad idea. Our families do not get along"

"Yeah well tell your mother to fuck off, and we'll be fine!"

Gabe chuckled, shaking his head. "I'm sure that would go over well"

"Well what, am I just supposed to throw two parties her entire life?!"

"I'm sure G would love that"

"But my bank account wouldn't!"

"Look, let's just do it on Thanksgiving.. have both of the families come together and see how it goes" He suggested and I sighed, opening November 25th on my calendar, typing in "party" next to "Gemma's birthday". "Fuck! Those tickets are going to be so expensive!" he groaned and I rolled my eyes, ignoring him.

September 29th was our official Move In Day of the apartment. Landon was going to "move in" first, and make sure it was good to go and all cleaned, my dad helping him baby proof the place before we got there.

Uncle Garret was a god sent for offering to help us move back, I truly couldn't thank him enough.

Gemma and I flew to California on October 3rd, Uncle Garret having left on the first so we hopefully make it there together, Uncle Garret planning on flying back home on the next day.

I truly owed that man my life for how willing he was to drop everything and help me at the drop of a hat.

I already was in debt to my Aunt and Uncle for letting me live with them, so I can only imagine how much it'll take for me to feel like I fully paid them back for their generosity.

"Ready to go see our new home G?" I cheered, picking her up out of her car seat, grabbing the diaper bag and pushing the car door closed.

We were on the fourth floor of the building, Gemma surprisingly loving the elevator.

She kept giggling at herself in the mirror, her grubby little hands wanting to touch the glass.

I knocked on our apartment door since I didn't have a key yet, not expecting Finn to open the door.

"Long time no see!" I joked, stepping into the apartment.

Gemma squealed at the sight of Landon's best friend, Finn happily filling her into his chest to say hello.

"Where's Landon?"

"Bathroom"

"Go figure" I laugh, my eyes scanning the apartment.

It looked nothing like my last apartment.

You walked into a small entryway, walls on either side of you. You could see the living room from the front door. 

I walked further in, not slipping off my shoes just in case Landon did a half ass job with cleaning.

To my left was a small kitchen, but it looked nice. Everything in here was definitely older looking than my last place, but it wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

To my right was a closet and what appeared to be a bathroom. I hated that the only bathroom was near the front door, but beggers can't be choosers, so I got over it.

I passed the kitchen, stepping into the living room, a dinning room on my left and a hallway leading to the bedrooms on my right. 

Uncle Garret got there two hours later, all of us helping on unpacking the truck, Lexi being put on babysitting duty.

Uncle Garret, Finn and Landon started working on Gemma's crib, whilst Lexi, my mom and I dug through boxes, working on organizing everything.

"So where is Sam and Colby? I figured they'd be all over helping you" Mom asked, handing me hangers of my clothes for me to put away.

"They're gone filming"

"Ah"

"Mhm"

I could feel my mom's gaze burning a hole in my back as I hung up the hangers.

"How is Colby doing since the accident?"

"As far as I'm aware, he's fine" 

"Oh"

"What mom?"

"Nothing"

I rolled my eyes, letting it go.

Two hours later I walked into Gemma's nursery, seeing the crib and diaper changing table put together.

"Where do you want everything, Leighton?"

We shuffled a few things around, Finn helping me put the crib sheets on.

We decided to focus on getting Gemma's room put together so it was done and ready for her to sleep in, all of us focusing our attention on filling the drawers, unboxing diapers and organizing her baby toys.

Her nursery was small, but it got the job done and it felt good to leave her room later that night and know it was finished and ready for her to use as bedtime approached.

We all sat on the floor eating our take out pizza, watching Gemma crawl around and squeal when Finn crawled after her, letting her think she was getting away from home.

Something about this moment just felt like home.

I caught myself multiple times smiling and laughing with my family, watching our antics unfold as we ate dinner together.

That night Gemma was pretty rough to get down to bed, which was unsurprising since she hated sleeping in new places, so I was definitely exhausted by the time she finally passed out in her crib.

I fell asleep around 1am, tossing and turning the entire night.

I guess we both hated sleeping in new places.

That week Landon and I worked on really organizing everything and figuring out where we wanted things, and what would work best.

I thanked him for baby proofing the place, laughing as he complained about the safety drawer clips, griping every time he went to put a knife away that it was a pain in the ass to unclip.

"That price we pay for her safety!" I reminded him, laughing as he muttered "Yeah yeah yeah"

Landon was organizing our movie cabinet whilst I played with Gemma, next to him, hearing him mention Cynthia. "I heard they're going to induce her"

Cynthia was still pregnant, much to her distaste.

"I feel so bad for her. The last few weeks of pregnancy for me were a bitch, and Gemma came early!"

"I heard she has a doctor appointment tomorrow, she's supposed to text mom and let her know I guess"

"Are you excited to be an uncle again?"

Landon nodded, "I hate that Logan is going to miss it though"

"Me too" I sighed, wishing I could just bring my brother back home.

Later that night whilst I fed Gemma, Colby's name popped up on my screen, asking me to facetime.

I immediately panicked, and just clicked the audio button, not wanting him to see I was in my apartment.

It didn't dawn on me until that split second that I still haven't told him I moved back, wanting it to be a surprise, but he's been too busy for me to be like "Come over" 

Colby's face popped up on the screen.

"Hey! Why can't I see your face?" He pouted and I gnawed on my lower lip, debating what to do.

"I uh.. sorry"

"What's wrong? Why did you decline the video?"

"Er.."

"Leighton?"

"I moved!" I quickly spat out, my eyes widening, not daring to look down at his face.

"You what?"

Shit.

"I moved back to Los Angeles"

"Leighton! What the fuck?! What do you mean you moved?!"

My heart raced as I turned the video camera on, holding the phone out so he could see my face.

"Surprise?" I spoke with uncertainty, hating the look on his face right  now.

"When the fuck did you move?! Why didn't you think to mention this to me sooner?! Leighton, what the hell?! You fucking moved?! When?!"

"Slow down-"

"ANSWER ME!" His voice raised, Gemma's eyes widening at the tone, shoving a cut up carrot into her mouth.

"Damn, okay!" 

"I moved in on the third"

"THE THIRD?! LEIGHTON RAE FOX! THAT WAS ALMOST TWO WEEKS AGO! Are you fucking kidding me?!"

"I'm sorry!" I whined, hating how he was looking at me right now.

"No! Genuinely what the hell?! Why wouldn't you tell me! When did you decide to pull the fucking trigger?"

"Uh. Landon and I started looking back in August-"

"You've got to be fucking joking-"

"Colby-"

"No, fuck off. I— Are you fucking serious?"

"About what?"

"Oh my god!" He groaned, his had running over his face. "Where the fuck are you living now?"

"Not too far from my parents place. It's maybe... 25 minutes?"

I watched his head roll back as he breathed heavily before looking at me again, shaking his head. "Were you just never going to tell me?"

"No! We've just been busy"

"Oh!" He scoffed, "So you couldn't have just dropped it in one of our hundreds of texts these past two months?! Are you for real right now?!"

"Colby-"

"No! You don't think I deserved to know that my girlfriend was moving back to California?! That was less than an hour away from me?! What, was I just supposed to run into you at the grocery store?! Genuinely Leighton, what the hell goes through your head sometimes?!"

"I've been fucking busy Cole! It's not my fault-"

"BULLSHIT!" he cut me off, my face turning stone cold as I glared at him.

"I'm not doing this right now-"

"Of course you're not! Not now, not ever!"

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Typical Leighton fashion, always thinking of herself-"

"THAT'S NOT TRUE!"

"YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU FUCKING MOVED!"

"YOU'RE ACROSS THE DAMN COUNTRY! IT'S NOT LIKE YOU COULD HELP ANYWAY!"

He chuckled, his jaw clenching as he shook his head, staying quiet.

"If you have something to say, fucking say it!" I glared, Gemma eyes trained on me as she played with her food, a look of curiosity in her eye as she watched.

"I have nothing to say to you" He muttered, angering me.

"Fucking bullshit. Spit it out Colby"

"You've been incredibly selfish these past few months" he said, my jaw dropping.

He did not just-

"Goodbye" I muttered, ending the call and taking a few deep breaths, wanting so desperately to cry, but I sucked it up and focused on my daughter.

My phone buzzed, my eyes glancing down at the screen.

Colby 🙈🥵 Typical.

I felt my jaw clench at the message, swiping it away and locking my phone.

I let Gemma out of her highchair once I wiped down her face and hands, tossing the messy bib onto the table.

I cleaned up after dinner, listening to Gemma crawl around and bang some toys on the floor as she giggled at the sound of Elmo's annoying voice playing from one of her books.

I heard my phone ring and I swear I was going to chuck it out the fucking window.

The third time it rang, I walked over to it, surprised to see my dad's name.

"Hello?"

"Hey! Was just calling to inform you that Cynthia had her baby"

I almost dropped my phone.

"WHAT?! Boy or girl?!"

"She had a baby girl, you've got a niece" He said, sounding extremely happy.

"Oh my god!"

"She went into labor early this morning"

"Wow! I.. I can't believe it" 

My mind immediately went to Logan who missed out on seeing the birth of his first child, a lump forming in my throat.

"Visiting hours tomorrow starts at 12 if you want to pop by" He informed me and I nodded, still reeling at the fact that I now had a niece.

"What's her name?"

"Harper Jude Fox" 

Instant tears.

"She gave her Logan's middle name?" I whimpered, feeling like I needed to sit down.

"She looks perfect, Leighton. Both my granddaughters are precious. Truly God's gift, just like my children. I can't believe I'm lucky enough to be a papa again!" 

He sounded so excited and I couldn't help but smile as I started to cry.

Our little family was growing. I had a niece. My brother had a daughter...

Wow.

"I'll definitely come tomorrow! I can't wait to meet her!"

I got to the hospital around 1:30, having bought Cynthia a gift and some treats, struggling to carry the bag and Gemma.

Gemma was babbling my ear off, a few things starting to sound like real words as she talked, earning a lot of looks from the nurses who waved hello at her.

I knocked on Cynthia's door, my dad opening the door and taking Gemma, saying hello.

"There's my other granddaughter! Well don't you look stinkin' cute" 

She giggled, her hands tossed in the air as he kissed her cheek, fawning over her outfit.

"Tell Papa we got it for a steal! I found that at the thrift store a few months back. Isn't it adorable?!"

"Look like a princess Miss Gemma Lorraine" He cooed, pretending to throw her in the air, listening to her squeals and giggles.

"Hey momma!" I leaned down to hug Cynthia. "Feeling okay?"

"I'm doing alright. Really sore"

I nodded, both of us smiling over at my dad who was still messing about with Gemma.

"So where is my perfect little niece?"

"She's in the nursery right now"

"Dammit!"

Cynthia laughed and I walked over, grabbing her gift.

"I got you a few things. If you don't like something, we can return it. It was kind of last minute"

We hung out for a little bit, Cynthia making fun of how impatient I was to meet my niece.

The second they reeled her in, I swear I was going to cry.

"Oh my god!" I whisper yelled, "Oh she's so cute! She's a lot bigger than Gemma was"

"Well I hope so, she cooked a lot longer" Cynthia laughed and I twitched my fingers above her, wanting to pick her up so bad, but not wanting to disrupt her.

"They're going to have to forcibly kick me out to get me away from her" I warned, finally picking her up and snuggling her close to my chest. "Oh she's so cute! You guys did good!" I half joked, Cynthia laughing. "Gem?" I called, my daughter's head turning towards her name which made my heart flutter. "Wanna meet your new best friend?" 

My dad sat Gemma upright, and I crouched with Harper. "Gemma Lorraine, meet Harper Jude, your new best friend" I smiled, trying hard to keep my tears at bay. 

Gemma stared down at the baby, her hand carefully landing on the baby's forehead before giggling and I swear I was going to lose it.

"She's your new cousin G, isn't she so cute? I guess it runs in the family" I winked, grinning at how happy and bubbly my baby looked. I looked over my shoulder towards Cynthia, "I love that they're not even a year apart. I can't wait to watch them grow up together" Cynthia nodded, my dad's voice turning my attention back to the kids.

"I can't believe I have grandkids! I'm only in my 40s" He shook his head in disbelief.

I choked out a laugh, shaking my head. "You wish you were in your 40s! Gemma, tell papa he's an old man now!" I grinned, my dad shooting my fake daggers. "Wanna hold both your granddaughters, papa?" I asked, amazed at the sight in front of me.

We got both the girls situated and I pulled out my phone, snapping a few photos.

It all felt so surreal.

Life has changed so much lately. I couldn't believe Gemma's birthday is next month, or that my brother has a daughter now. Let alone the fact that I moved back to California.

I was in a state of awe and disbelief when Gemma and I finally left the hospital.

G and I arrived at my parents house to check up on my mom, the three of us lounging in my moms bed as we watched TV, Gemma crawling all over us and the comforter when my phone buzzed.

Colby 🙈🥵 We need to talk

* * * * 

Written on: December 5th, 6th, 7th 2022

Published on: December 7th 2022

Word Count: 6k

Part Forty One

[britswriting]

Play With Me C.B

A/N: It’s finally here: the domination smut!.. y’all can stop yelling at me lol It’s a long one - my google doc on size 11 is 22 pages if that tells you anything. WC is over 7k.. it’s kind of a roller-coaster tbh lol, have fun!

I’m going to hit publish and hide because I’m scared lol. I’ve never published something like this before.... O_o

I worked on this for months, so I'm sorry if things might not flow correctly? I didn't write it in one sitting lol

Warnings: Smut with brief plot - established relationship, daddy kink, brief ma’am kink, Pegging, protected sex - use of condom, “spitting?” - basically drool, you’ll see lmao, cock ring, overstimulation, edging, sub!Colby/dom!Colby sub!reader/dom!reader - very switch-y lol, tiny brief thigh slapping, orgasm denial, bondage, blindfold, panty gag - you’ll see later lmao, oral - m&f, face riding - f, fingering m&f, clit play, use of sex toys - dildo, vibrator, plug, anal beads, dirty talk, squirting -m&f cock description: mentions of veins, derogatory terms: Slut!m, consent af - duh, aftercare -f <3 - I think that’s all?

WC: 7K

Read on Wattpad

My Sam and Colby fanapge on instagram

Y/N's POV

Having been with Colby for years, I was extremely nervous about tonight's plans.

My best friend and I somehow got to talking about our sex lives, to which they asked if I've ever tried to take control, which is exactly how I've landed in this situation.

I had on this stunning black and red lingerie that made my confidence level spike immensely. In front of me laid out a few of Colby's favorite toys, as well as two I had purchased yesterday. 

I found myself constantly checking my appearance, making sure my makeup was perfect as I waited for Colby to walk through the door.

I had put on some sweat pants and a sweatshirt over my lingerie.

When I heard our bedroom door open, I felt my heart race.

I was terrified.

What if he wasn't in the mood? 

What if he hated it?

What if he thought differently of me?

"Hey baby, what's up?" Colby asked, tossing his jacket over a chair.

"Can we talk?" I asked nervously and he eyed me worriedly

"Is everything okay?" He asked.

I nodded, scooting closer to the end of his bed.

"I was wondering if you'd be down to try something with me?" I asked and he gave me another weird look.

"Try what?" Colby questioned, and I bit my bottom lip, not sure how to go about this.

"I uh.. was wondering.. if you'd be okay with role reversing?" I asked and he yet again looked at me weirdly 

"What do you mean role reversal?" 

I got really quiet, feeling extremely insecure now. 

Was this a bad idea? 

"Y/n, are you okay?" Colby asked again and I nodded, letting out a deep sigh and flopped backwards against the bed.

It got silent and Colby approached me, now hovering over me as he placed a soft kiss against my lips, asking yet again if I was okay.

"What do you mean role reversal baby?" He tried again and I covered my face, mumbling but even I couldn't understand myself.

This would've been so much easier if I surprised him with it instead of asking, but we both agreed to never do something without the other person's consent, so I knew I needed to make sure he was okay with it, but it didn't make it any less awkward.

"Could I try being the dominant one?" I decided to spit out quickly, knowing I wouldn't have the balls to otherwise.

"You want to dominate me?" Colby chuckled and I felt my cheeks redden, embarrassed. "I thought we agreed that was my job" Colby muttered, now hovering over me, kissing my jawline and neck.

"But wouldn't it be nice to feel good bubs?" I asked quietly before moaning when his lips attached to my sweet spot 

"You make me feel good all the time baby girl. In and out of bed" he was now straddled over me, smirking down at me.

"But what if I put all that focus on you? Make you feel good?" I tried again, resting my hands on his thighs which made me giggle 

"What's so funny?" He asked and I smiled, biting my lower lip. "Our positioning is like we already reversed rolls. If I really want to pull a Colby move, I'd place my hand right on your crotch" I smirked and then cupped his crotch in front of me, rubbing a little without warning. 

Colby groaned and I smirked to myself "Come on daddy, let me make you feel good" I purred, reaching up to kiss him whilst I lightly rubbed his crotch, feeling him grow beneath my hand.

"Fuck y/n" he groaned, dropping his head forward and his forearms down, grinding against my hand. 

"Come on baby, let me make you feel good. Let me make your squirm and cum all over the fucking place. You'd like that wouldn't you?" I purred again, letting my free hand’s nails drag up and down his back.

"What do you have in mind?" Colby asked in a slight pant, clearly trying to control himself due to his intrigue.

"If you get up, I can show you?" I offered and he nodded, rolling off of me.

I got up and grabbed my backpack, handing it to him.

"What's in here?" He asked, taking the bag.

"Would you be fine if I used this stuff on you?" I asked, watching him dig through the bag.

"A vibrator?" He asked and I nodded. "Lube? For what?" He asked and I felt my cheeks redden.

"Can I put a plug in you daddy? My fingers? Please daddy, let me fill you up" I begged and I heard him groan in pleasure, shifting a little on his feet.

"As much as I love hearing you beg my name, I'm not sure I'd like that princess" Colby replied back in a softer tone and I frowned.

"Can we try?" I asked and he thought for a minute before sighing.

"Can we warm up to whatever you want to try first, and when the time comes, if I'm up to it, we can try?" He negotiated and I nodded, feeling a smile take over my face.

"When do you want to do it?" Colby asked and I bit my bottom lip, locking eyes with him as I lifted my sweatshirt off, pushing my sweatpants down.

"Fuck" Colby moaned, pouncing on me but I smirked, shoving him off.

"It's my turn to play daddy" I giggled, shoving him back onto our bed.

"Oh my God" he groaned as I straddled him, placing his hands on my breasts

"Squeeze my tits daddy. Feel how perky they are for you" I purred, bouncing my chest a little.

Colby's hands grabbed at my boobs, and as he squeezed them, I grinded down against his crotch, causing him to groan in pleasure.

"Yeah, fuck it feels good doesn't it. Just wait till we get to play" I teased, kissing under his jawline.

"Fuck Y/N" Colby groaned, groping my ass as I grinded against him.

"Can I use the vibrator on you?" I asked, slowly moving my hips against him.

"How?" Colby questioned, opening his eyes to look up at me

"How about I show you... and if you're uncomfortable, tell me and we'll stop" I suggested and he was quiet for a moment before nodding, letting me stand up to grab the intriguing toy.

I turned on the toy, resting it against his zipper on his Jean's, sitting between his legs.

"Fuck" Colby groaned 

I teased him a little bit before unzipping his jeans, Colby helping me tug them down so his boxers were visible.

"Someones already leaking" I smirked, placing the vibrator on the wet patch.

"Fuck!" Colby shouted, rocking his hips up against the toy.

I smirked, shoving his hips down and climbing on top of his thighs, my hands pressing into his hips as I got comfy, grinding my clit against his thigh, causing me to moan

I slipped my hand under his boxers, lightly moving my finger tips over his slit down to his balls, slightly grazing the underside with the pads of my finger tips, watching him shudder under my touch.

"I have you wrapped around my finger don’t I daddy" I teased, squeezing just a little bit before taking my hand out, pulling down his boxers to free his already dripping cock.

"You're making such a mess and I've barely even done anything" I leaned up and kissed him softly, making sure he was still comfortable.

"Put me in your mouth right now" Colby demanded and I cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Whose in charge again?" I asked and he groaned, thrusting his hips up towards me, only to have his eyes pop open when I slapped his thigh, groaning in annoyance 

"Careful or I'll slip a cock ring on daddy" I mocked, grinding myself against him as I learned forward, biting down on his shoulder before kissing up his neck to his ear "What a fun sight that would be for me. Have you at my mercy..." I whispered, biting his earlobe, pulling a little before sitting back up, grabbing the vibrator.

I had it on a painfully low setting as I rested it just under his belly button, myself grinding against his thigh, my head thrown back in pleasure.

"Mm" I hummed, leaning forward to attach my lips to his jaw. "You better hold all your cum until I'm ready" I warned him, looking down at his face to see his eyes screwed shut.

"Yes ma'am" He whined and I smirked.

Fuck he was already whiney and I’ve barely done anything…

"Ma'am huh? I like that" I replied with a cocky tone. "Now let me see that hard cock"

I got off of my boyfriend, now sitting between his legs.

"You look so good like this baby" I cooed, moving the vibrator down his stomach to his thighs, resting it against the inside of his thigh as my finger traced the outline of his dick against his briefs. "I like the briefs. Let's me see what's mine" I murmured, and I heard him gasp as I let the vibrator trace over his cloth covered length.

"Oh my- fuck" he groaned and I giggled to myself, watching his body react to the toy.

"Vibrators aren't just for girls, baby. They can make you feel good too"

"Oh my god, take my cock out please" He begged and I decided to oblige him, knowing I was already putting him through a new sensory experience and I didn’t want to make our first time too overwhelming.

I slipped his briefs down his legs, letting them fall to the floor.

"So pretty baby. All sprawled out, so ready for me, aren't you daddy? So ready for me to touch, to tease.. god, to fucking play with. I can't wait to play with you daddy" I moaned, my fingers grazing his tip.

I felt him shudder against my touch, and when I placed the vibrator against his balls, my hand moving along his length, his whole body jolted.

"Holy shit!" He moaned, his hips trying to fuck himself into my hand,

"Don't make me tie you down, take it like a man" I warned, knowing that whenever he used a vibrator on me, I almost came instantly and he always teased me for it.

Paybacks a bitch.

"Y/n, baby, please" He panted, his eyes desperately looking down at me,

"Please what?" I asked, confused as to if he wanted me to stop, wanted to cum or even do more.

"Lower" He groaned and my eyes widened.

"Lower? As in..." I trailed off and he nodded, his eyes squeezed shut.

"Colby, are you okay?" I asked, checking in since he seemed to be in pain.

"I'm perfect baby, please " He said desperately and I nodded.

"Do you want a vibrator against you, or in you?" I asked, still unsure as to what he wanted.

I know I teased him earlier with a plug, but I never expected him to ask for it.

"Whatever you want" He replied breathlessly, an estranged whine leaving his lips as I turned off the vibrator.

"Whatever I want huh? I like that. Love having you at my mercy daddy" I let my nails tickle his thighs, adding to his sensory.

"You know what I want to do?" I asked and he hummed. "Want you to eat me out with a anal bead in your ass" I told him honestly and his eyes widened.

"I-" He started but then stopped.

"Before we can do that though, I need to get you all nice and prepped for me" I hummed, stretching to grab the lube. “You’re okay with this, right? Tell me when and we’ll stop” I reminded him and he nodded.

“I’m good Y/N”

I proceeded to dip my fingers into the lube and softly circle the entrance with the pad of my finger, watching it pulse for more.

His body was tense though which made me watch him carefully.

“This okay?” I asked and he nodded, his eyes squeezed shut. “Colby” I frowned, stopping my movements.

“Why’d you stop?” He panted, his eyes opening.

“You’re tense. If you don’t want to, we don’t have to. I just thought-”

“I’m just nervous. It’s a new feeling” He cut me off, reassuring me he was fine.

“Should I continue?” I questioned and he nodded.

I grabbed some more lube and slowly pushed a finger in, feeling him clench around me as I slowly moved my finger in and out.

“That feels weird” He sighed; my eyes watching him.

“A good weird?” I asked and he didn’t reply. “Colby?”

“Baby, stop asking. I’m good. If I’m not good, I’ll tell you. Just proceed. I have to get used to it” He said and I nodded, working on stretching him out a bit.

I got to the point where I could comfortably move two fingers in him, and I knew one of the anal beads would fit nicely in him, so I slowly removed my fingers, Colby quivering under me.

“Fuck” he moaned, his back arching slightly which made my pussy tingle.

“Don’t or I’ll cum on the spot” I warned and he smirked at me, shoving his hips down towards my hand again.

“Yeah? Like watching me feel good baby?” He teased in a breathy tone, showing my movements were getting to him.

“Shut up, you’re my slut tonight, remember?” I cocked an eyebrow and I swear his eyes twinkled.

I grabbed the anal bead, lubricating it just to make things easier.

“I’m going to slowly push this bead in. Just relax for me, okay?” I informed Colby, nodding.

I watched his body relax before I slowly pushed the bead in, Colby’s back arching a bit, his feet repositioning on the bed next to my arms.

“Oh god” he groaned and I felt myself pulsate at the noise, wanting to hear it over and over again.

“Okay.. the bead is in, it’s going to help stretch you out” I told him before making my way over to him, straddling his chest. “Gonna eat me out now. Make me scream daddy. Want it so bad” I groaned, grinding my cunt against his bare chest.

I moaned at the friction, feeling my wetness start to collect, my hips grinding harder against his body.

“Fuck” I groaned, dropping forward to kiss him. “I’m gonna cum from just your chest alone” I moaned, kissing his jawline.

“Come here” He pulled me forward, moving my panties to the side as he slipped his fingers against my cunt, rubbing them against the silk skin.

“You’re so wet for me baby. Does watching daddy get his ass stretched make you want to cum? Hm? It gets you so wet doesn’t it. Who knew my perfect little girl could be so dirty” He teased, slipping a finger inside; a moan escaping my lips.

“I’m so wet for you daddy. You’re so hot. You were taking my fingers so well, fuck” I moaned, grinding against his fingers.

“Yeah? Can’t wait to have all of you in me, that’s what you want, isn’t it?” He asked and I nodded frantically, feeling his tongue darting out to run over the slick folds.

“Oh my god” I moaned, trying to resist the urge to grind against him.

I was supposed to be making him cum, but I want nothing more than to leak all over his face.

“More please! Oh god!” I moaned, and the second his tongue touched my clit, I swear I was going to lose it.

My crotch had been physically pulsating whilst watching him take my fingers so well, that all I wanted to do was let go against his mouth.

“I can feel your pretty little clit thump against my tongue baby” he hummed and I squeezed my eyes shut, rolling my head back as I grinded hard against his mouth.

“God that’s so hot, please!” I cried, as I started to feel the fire build in my stomach.

Colby stopped what he was doing and moved me off of him, smirking at how displeased I was.

“I thought tonight was all about me baby? I thought you were going to make me cum?” He teased me and I frowned, knowing damn well he’s been the dominant one this whole time.

“Yeah but-”

“I’ll make you cum if you make me cum. Come on baby, finish what you started. You got me not only all hard for you, but you got me all stretched out. Gonna make me greedy and needy, baby? Gonna make me beg? Make me beg you to fuck me? To make me cum hard? Isn’t that what you wanted? You wanted me to be all whiney? What happened, baby girl? I thought you were going to be all strong and mighty, yet here you are, begging for me to let you cum on my face. That isn’t very dom of you” He teased yet again, and I could feel myself reaching my breaking point.

“Shut up” I warned, knowing what he was doing.

“Make me, baby” He teased and I narrowed my eyes at him.

“I was going easy on your daddy. Thought you were the baby”

“I’m no baby, baby. Come fucking wreck me. Show me what you got” he teased me one final time, to which I snapped.

Before both of us knew it, I shoved my damp panties into his mouth, and slipped a cock ring over his red, leaky tip.

“All fun and games until someone gets hurt” I spoke in a low voice, slapping the inside of his thigh, hearing the sound echo off the bedroom walls.

“Fuck” He groaned, his eyes watching me move around the room as I grabbed my wrist restraints.

“Tell me one more time baby, what do you want your sweet little girl to do to you?” I asked in a sensual tone, his toned stomach flexing as I reached the side of the bed.

“Fucking wreck me baby” He grumbled and I smirked, tightening his tie around his wrist, “My pleasure daddy”

I lightly traced my fingernails down his stomach, watching it flex under my touch.

I licked against the underside of his hard cock, hearing his muffled groan as I played with the tip, swiping the precum off the bright red head.

I teased his cock a little before taking him all the way down my throat, letting his tip hit the back of my throat a couple times.

I could hear his struggling moans which made me smirk, my hands pressed against his thighs to keep them open.

I kitten licked against his balls, my hand coming down to move the beads further in.

“Stay still” I scolded, Colby starting to rock against me. “You decided to tease me, so you’re gonna stay still and take it the same way you’d make me do it” 

I slide out one of the anal beads, and let a bit of my saliva drop down against it before pushing it back in, thrusting it a little, watching his hole stretch against it.

“I can’t wait to replace these beads with a cock. You’ll finally know what it’s like to have a cock stretch you out. Feel the beautiful burn. Let the tip hit you just right so you rither against the bed. Have you begging for me to go harder, my name dripping off your tongue. Payback’s a sweet bitch baby. All those times you’ve made me wait, or denied me to cum.. It all catches up to you, doesn’t it daddy?”

Colby thrusted against my hand that was wrapped around his cock which made me flick his tip with my finger, hearing him groan in pain.

I soothed the area with my tongue, kissing the spot I flicked before letting my tongue trace the cock ring, the pad of my thumb brushing over his tip.

“I love you cock daddy.. But I bet you’ll love mine more” I hummed, slowly pulling the beads out.

“Give me my panties daddy. Want to wear them whilst I fuck you. Got your taste on them huh? Gonna make me cum just knowing your pretty little mouth has been wrapped around them?” I asked, pulling the drenched panties out of his mouth. “What? Is your mouth dry daddy? Did you make my panties so wet for me? Need help?” I cooed, before letting a bit of my saliva pool in his mouth. “Swallow daddy. Just like you make me do. Make me take it all from you, don’t you?” 

Colby swallowed, his eyes squeezed shut, his chest rapidly moving.

“You’re still good, right?” I whispered, wanting to make sure I wasn’t taking it too far.

“Yeah, I’m good” he replied breathlessly. “I think I’m all stretched out for you though. Please, please put something back in me. Felt so full. So nice” he begged.

I had honestly never seen him like this before.

He was always making me be the one to beg and plead and when I thought about his reversing roles, I really thought he’d be against it.. Yet here he was.. His cock hard, his ass clenched and he was begging for me to fill him up.

I felt like I was dreaming.

“Here, I don’t want to hear your pretty little moans yet” I placed the anal beads in his mouth, my cunt practically dripping down my thighs as he kept eye contact with me, taking them.

“Fuck” I whispered, letting my hand move down to my most sensitive area, rubbing my clit a little before stopping myself.

I wanted him to make me cum. I want his fingers on me. His tongue. His cock. I wanted him to make me feel good, but he won’t let me feel good until I make him cum.

I guess I better make him cum, and make him cum hard.

I slipped my panties up my thighs, letting the soaked area touch my drenched cunt, softly moaning at the feeling and thought of it.

I grabbed the dildo that Colby had gotten a while back for me, for when he was out of town with Sam.

I straddled his waist, the dildo in hand, Colby’s eyes wide with wonder.

“I figured with all those times you motioned to sucking a cock off… I figured I’d let you try. Let me see your skills daddy. Show me what you got. Get it all nice and wet for me so I don’t need lube. Suck my cock daddy” I smirked, feeling Colby’s heart beat against my pussy.

Fuck.

Colby smirked at me before sticking his tongue out and letting me place the handheld dildo into his mouth, moaning at the sight of him deep throating the cock.

“Jesus christ” I muttered, watching the toy disappear down his throat.

Colby worked the silicone in his mouth, his eyes never leaving mine. I swear I was going to fucking explode from how much edging we’ve done already.

I wanted to cum so bad.

When the cock was slowly pulled out of his mouth, I practically moaned at the sight, seeing his saliva drip down the sides.

I wanted to put it in me, so badly.

“Fuck” I moaned softly, taking ahold of the drenched toy. “Watch whilst I fuck myself with this dildo covered in your spit” 

I wanted to slowly push it in, wanting to tease him some more, but I was far too wet to do that.

With how wet the toy was, and how wet my heat was, it slipped inside.

“FUCK!” I moaned loudly, the toy immediately hitting my g-spot

“Holy shit you fucking drenched the toy, oh my god!” I groaned, my head rolling back as I held the base, moving in and out at a steady pace.

“Jesus christ” I heard him mutter, my head rolled back with pleasure, moving the slicked toy in and out of me with ease.

“This is what I do when you’re gone daddy. I get it all nice a wet and then fuck my pretty little cunt with it” I teased, watching his humps thrust upwards on the bed, his hands pulling at the tie.

“Fuck” He groaned, “Y/N I swear-”

“What are you gonna do daddy? You’re all tied up with a pretty little ring trapped around your leaky cock. You can’t cum even if you tried” I bit my lower lip, watching him struggle in front of me.

“Fuck, keep pulling at that restrant it’s fucking hot. I understand why you tie me up so much now” I moaned, thrusting the toy in faster, letting it hit my g-spot repeatedly.

“Oh my god I want to cum so fucking badly!” He groaned, his hand thrown back against the pillow out of frustration.

“Now you know how I feel when you constantly deny me” 

“Y/N I swear to god-”

“What daddy? Gonna punish me?” I snickered, moving the toy slower, trying to hold off on my orgasm.

I watched Colby’s eyes close, pissing me off.

“Open your eyes and watch me fuck myself or I’ll make it so you can’t look away” I warned, Colby pulling his head off the pillow to look at me between his legs.

I kept eye contact with him as I moved the toy in and out at a faster pace, feeling the burning in my stomach.

“I’m going to fucking cum-” I cried out, quickly debating if I do it myself, and fuck him with a dildo covered in my cum, or if I stopped and fucked him with the dildo covered in my arousal and his saliva.

“Don’t you dare!” he called out, causing me to whine and somehow submissively listen to him, slowing down my movements.

I pulled the toy out, seeing it literally glissen in the light.

Fuck..

I ignored the aching between my legs and moved so I was propped between Colby’s thighs.

“Look how pretty and wet we made it” I showered him the cock, his eyes watching me softly lick the tip.

He let out a low groan and I decided to stop teasing him, pressing the tip against his literal pulsating center.

Holy fuck-

“This pretty little cock, that’s been in my cunt is about to go in your ass daddy” 

“Oh my god” He groaned, “I never thought I’d say this, but please, for the love of god, fuck my ass with your cock” He begged and I immediately moaned, pushing the dildo slowly into his ass.

“You look so pretty stretching around my cock like that” I praised, my hand running along the underside of his thigh as I carefully pushed in, stopping to let him adjust to it.

Half way in, his hips thrusted, begging for more.

“God I should’ve done this months ago” I groaned, watching the silicone disappear, Colby’s head thrown back out of pleasure. “Just wait till it hits your prostate” I teased, knowing he doesn’t know half the fun yet.

My hand reached up and slightly grazed his length, letting myself indulge in the feeling of him.

He was so hard.

“You’re so hard that your veins are fucking popping” I groaned, feeling the grooves against my soft fingertips.

“Can we please take the cock ring off” Colby asked, and I nodded, reaching over him to untie his hands first before unclasping the ring.

“Don’t cum yet!” I warned and he groaned, squeezing his eyes shut.

“You can’t dangle your boobs in front of my face and tell me not to cum whilst shoving a cock into me” He whined and I giggled, pressing a sweet kiss against the corner of his mouth.

“I’ll do whatever I please, daddy”

The second the cock ring was off, cum slipped out of his slit, running down the veins of his cock.

“Hey!” I exclaimed, swiping up the stream of white with the pad of my finger. “Take it back” I placed my thumb against his lips, Colby immediately licking the white substance off my finger.

I focused back on the dildo, Colby literally whining about how I haven’t moved it.

“You turn into quite the cry baby when you’re denied. You know, if I did that, you would not be as lenient as I am” I spoke in a tsk tone.

I decided to let the tip graze his prostate, wanting him to taste his own medicine for once.

If I had a nickel for how many times he’s done this to me, I wouldn’t need to be working a shitty retail job anymore.

“Oooohhh” His voice quivered, his back arching.

“Feel good?” I asked and he nodded, his hands clutching the headboard.

“Please, do it again” He begged, and suddenly I got an idea.

“How about you do it?” I suggested, his eyes popping open.

“W-what?”

“Carefully sit up” I waited, letting him reposition, careful to not let the dildo slip out or move, not wanting to cause discomfort.

Once he was positioned, I slowly pulled the toy out slightly so the base was more visible.

“Take your hand” I grabbed his wrist and cupped his palm against the base.

“Move it in and out just like you’d do with your hips if you were fucking me” I showed, his hand gripping the base as he slowly moved it, his eyes closing as his head rolled back again.

“Hey, eyes open” I scolded, my hand starting to stroke his cock.

“Move quickly so you hit that prostate of yours” I instructed, watching Colby’s wrist quicken.

“Holy shit!” He yelled, his shoulders tensing as his head rolled back again, his hips thrusting against my hand.

“Yeah? Gonna cum from fucking your own ass?” I teased, leaning forward to capture his lips with my own.

“You don’t understand how fucking hot this is” I muttered, moving down to his jaw as I moved my hand up and down, feeling more of his cum leak down his cock.

“You’re so leaky baby, when are you gonna let go?” I murmured against his jawline, sucking on his sensitive skin.

“Ooooh” His voice wavered, his chest literally shaking as he arched.

“Yeah? Fucking yourself good? Going so deep for me?” I asked, Colby nodded quickly. “I can literally feel how fast your moving your wrist, jesus christ”

“I’m going to fucking cum” he cried out.

“Do it baby, soak my hand” I encouraged, wanting so badly to feel him run against my hand.

“Holy fuck- I can’t keep moving my hand” He groaned, his eyes squeezing shut.

I slipped my other hand under his, taking control as I slowly moved the dildo, not wanting to overstimulate him as I continued to stroke up and down his cock, and eventually it happened.

He fucking squirted.

He didn’t just spill down himself, his cum literally hit me in the chest.

“Holy shit Colby!”

His eyes were still closed as I looked down at my chest, watching the white stream slip down my sternum.

“You just fucking-” I couldn’t even finish, completely surprised.

He’s never done that before-

I felt his cum slip out the slit and down my hand like I originally expected, too distracted by the previous actions to focus on the part I was actually looking forward to.

“Holy fuck” He breathed out, his eyes opening, his chest rapidly moving.

“You just fucking squrited onto me” was the first thing I could say, watching his face show surprise.

“I did what?!” 

“Your cum is on my chest!”

“I’m so sorry” He immediately apologized and I shook my head.

“Don’t fucking apologize that’s so fucking hot!”

“Give me a minute and I’ll get you off” He breathed out, collapsing against the pillows.

“I can’t believe you did that” I was still amazed, feeling the substance reach my stomach.

“I didn’t mean to” He breathed out, his chest still quickly rising and falling in front of me.

“You fucking loved that” I noted, completely flabbergasted by what just happened.

“I’m going to remove it now, relax for me please” I informed him, watching him try and relax his muscles.

I slowly and carefully slipped the toy out, watching him stretch around it.

“Oh god” He groaned, showing how sensitive he was.

“I know, I’m sorry!” I apologized, feeling bad since he was wincing as I pulled the tip out. “Almost done, I’m sorry!”

“Baby, I’d love to fuck you and punish you for what you just did to me, but I’m so fucking senesitive” He informed and I nodded, understanding. “You still deserve to get off Y/N”

“It’s okay-”

“No, it’s not. Come straddle my face” He said, catching me off guard.

“What?”

“Come sit on my face”

“But-”

Colby rolled his eyes reaching for my arms to pull me on top of him.

“I’m not asking again, baby”

I sighed and moved so I was sitting on his chest.

“Are you sure?”

“I’m more than sure baby”

I gave in and slowly lowered myself against him, feeling his warm breath hit my core.

“Jesus” I breathed out, the warm hit brushing against my aching clit.

It honestly was painful at this point.

I quivered at the feeling of his tongue against me, feeling his moan vibrate against my folds.

“Holy shit- Colby!” I cried, extremely sensitive with just a single touch.

“You taste so good” his voice muffled against me.

I involuntarily felt my hips grind against him, the feeling of his velvet tongue lay flat against my nerves.

He played with my clit and I couldn’t help but lean forward and clutch the headboard with my hand, wanting to feel him against my core.

“You know what happens to girls who get aggressive” he hummed against me causing me to cry out and resist the urge to push my hips against him.

“Please!” I cried, my head falling forward, my other hand dropping down to his sweaty hair.

I opened my eyes and looked down to see him already looking at me.

“Jesus christ” I breathed out, not being able to handle the eye contact.

I felt him fucking laugh against my aching cunt, the vibrations making my body jolt.

I felt him play with my clit, making it almost impossible to stay still.

“Your turn baby, do the work. Get yourself off. Daddy’s quite tired from how hard you worked him. Use me baby” He encouraged, laying his tongue flat against me.

“Oh my god” I whined, my hips immediately moving forward, thankful I didn’t have to resist the urge any longer.

My hips rocked against him, pressing harder in certain areas, crying out when he surprisingly flicked his tongue into my dripping center, swiping it around before laying flat again.

“You’re evil” I breathed out, both hands clutching the headboard as I panted.

“What did you say to me earlier?... Paybacks a bitch, baby”

“God” I groaned, rocking my hips hard against him, but I squealed in surprise, Colby quickly tossing my body back against the bed, my back hitting the mattress.

“You didn’t think you were getting away that easy, did you? You had the audacity to put a cock ring on me, I think it’s time you pay”

“Fuck” I moaned, my back arched as I felt his finger press against my clit and his finger stroked down my center, slightly brushing against where I wanted him the most.

“Are you really- god, really that mad?” I asked, afraid I really did take it too far.

“I didn’t say I was mad baby, I said I wanted to get even” He replied and I groaned, moving my hips against his fingers, but he held me still.

“How are you going to get even?”

“I could edge you all night, like you did me” he hummed and I whined, shaking my head.

I felt his two fingers rub in a V motion so my clit was in the middle, the sides of his fingers brushing against the slides of my clit, teasing me.

“Please” I cried.

“Who's the cry baby now?” He teased, pushing two fingers into my dripping core.

“Oh god” I moaned, my eyes shutting out of relief. “Please move them” I begged, wanting to feel his slender fingers move effortlessly against my walls and massage my g-spot beautifully.

I felt his fingertips just barely graze the greedy spot, forcing an unattractive cry from my throat.

He knew what he was doing.

“Daddy please” I cried, thrusting my hips down in hopes of forcing his fingers deeper in me.

I felt him scissor me, stretching me and making me pant out of need.

It wasn’t a want anymore.

I needed him.

The second he flicked my clit and I felt the painful sting, I knew I couldn’t do it anymore.

“Colby” I breathed out, knowing I needed him to pay attention.

“Y/N-” he warned, knowing I was supposed to use our play name.

“No, Colby, red!” I panted, immediately catching his attention.

“What’s wrong baby?” he asked, checking in.

“It hurts” I cried, crossing my arms over my face.

He immediately stopped.

“What hurts?” He asked, his mood immediately changing.

“My clit fucking hurts!” I cried, literal tears streaming down my face from how many times I willingly edged myself for him tonight.

I was done playing.

“What do you need, baby?” He asked, concern lacing his tone.

“I need to cum. I can’t keep being edged” I breathed out, wincing at the pain my clit was giving me.

“Can I touch it?” he asked and I nodded slowly, Colby lowering himself down and softly brushed his tongue against my clit.

I couldn’t help but flinch and cry as he tried to work me through my now painful orgasm. 

"Do you want me to stop?" He asked and I shook my head, trying to get myself to stop crying.

"I'm sorry" I whimpered, feeling his finger slowly move inside of me.

"You don't have to be sorry. I'm sorry I edged you for so long that it became painful. You didn't deserve that. This wasn't supposed to be a punishment Y/N" He apologized, his slender finger pressing against my g-spot. "Do you want me to go slow?" He asked, wiping the new fallen tear off my cheek.

This was fucking pathetic.

"Can you… god, can you fuck me please?" I asked and he nodded, moving.

"Where is the lube?" He asked and I pointed to his side table.

"Don't want it to hurt" He mumbled to me, spreading the gel all over the condom.

"I'm sorry" I whined, guilt consuming me for having this take such a turn.

"Baby, you don't have to apologize" He repeated, but it didn't take away the guilt.

I was having fun.

It was fun until it hurt.

"Alright, relax for me, I'm going to enter" He informed me and I nodded, trying my best to relax and let him enter.

I moaned softly at the feeling of him sliding into me.

"Feel good?" He asked and I nodded, Colby leaning down to kiss me.

"I'm sorry" He murmured against my lips, placing a sweet kiss before kissing the tear stains on my cheeks. "I didn't mean to make you hurt. I never want you to be in pain baby" 

"I'm okay" I reassured, feeling him slowly pump himself in and out of me. "I was having fun. I didn't do anything against my will" I reminded him, not wanting him to feel guilty for our recent activities.

"I know you can't handle long edging.. I guess I just.. I didn't realize how long it actually had been, I'm sorry" 

"Can you thrust deep please?" I asked and he nodded, bottoming out in me, keeping our faces close as he rocked his hips.

"How does your clit feel baby?" 

"Sore… painful" 

"I'm sorry" he kissed my cheek, my eyes closing, feeling his lips brush against my skin.

"God you're brushing against my g-stop and it feels so good" I panted, my stomach flipping at the feeling of him pressing against the area that needed him the most.

"Yeah? That's all I want for you baby, to feel good" He kissed me again and I rocked my hips against him.

"Fuck, please go faster" I pleaded, Colby listening and picking up speed, moving so he was hovering over me.

I locked my hips with his, feeling him dig himself deep into me repetitively.

"Fuck" I cried, the tightness building in my abdomen.

"Don't wait for permission. Just cum baby" 

I cried, my body shaking against him, my eyes squeezing shut as my orgasm finally hit, Colby slowly his paces so it didn't hurt with how sensitive I was.

"God baby you fucking soaked me, it ran down my balls to my thighs" He spoke, my eyes opening to meet his once he looked up from his crotch.

"Sorry" I chuckled, Colby slowly pulling out of me.

"Now we both need to shower" 

"I don't wanna" I huffed, too tired to move.

"Well too bad. We're both covered in each other and we need to change the sheets"

"Ugh" I groaned, Colby chuckling.

"Come on baby" He pulled me up, letting me cling to him as he carried me.

Colby placed me down on the toilet, making me laugh.

"Pee so we don't have to go to the doctor" He said in a monotone, walking over to the shower.

I peed, Colby coming back to help me up.

"Let's get my cum and each other's sweat off of you" He carried me into the shower, "Can you stand?" He asked and I nodded, even though I was unsure.

I wobbled slightly and winced since my clit was still sore and pinching in pain.

Colby ran the detachable shower head over my body, washing away the night's activities before lathering me in soap and repeating the process.

"Careful" I reminded him, the shower head getting dangerously close to my sensitive area.

Last thing I needed was my clit sprayed with water.

"I know baby"

"Sorry"

"Don't apologize for putting yourself first"

I stayed quiet, letting him wash my hair.

"I can return the favor" I suggested, Colby standing under the shower head.

"You've done enough baby, just stand there and look pretty, I'll only be a minute" 

Once Colby was done, I waddled over to him, wrapping my arms around his waist, the warm water cascading down us.

"I'm sorry" I mumbled against his chest, hating that I didn't speak up sooner.

I didn't know it was going to hurt though.

Everything was fine until it wasn't.

"Please stop apologizing, I should've been paying attention" He argued, sounding disappointed in himself.

“We both should’ve done things differently, but I’m okay. We’re both okay. I had fun. You had fun, right?” I asked, making sure he wasn’t going through with it to please me.

“i definitely had fun baby” He chuckled, pressing a soft kiss against my neck.

“So you’d do it again?” 

“With you? I’d do anything with you baby”

“Did you like it?”

“I like fucking you more, but you being in charge was hot”

“So you don’t want to explore pegging anymore?” I asked, watching his face for any sign of what he was thinking.

“I wouldn’t say that... It was just my first time, you know? I can’t really write it off yet”

“So you’d do it again?” 

“Yes baby, I’d do it again. Now let’s get you dry so I can change the sheets and snuggle you to sleep”

Masterlist

Tags: @ishua1 @shaysrandomness @lubbockshusband @wingsoffreedom19​

Idk if that’s everyone? If I tagged everyone from the likes.. we’d be here for too long lol. Hopefully yall find it through the tags

[britswriting]

Unbroken (31)

Unbroken Masterlist

Read on wattpad - wattpad gets it first. as of posting 31 here, chapter 39 is posted there..

*Leighton's POV*

That week I spent a lot of my time hanging out with family and friends, getting their help on meal ideas and having Katrina and Aaliyah be my exercise buddy. I also talked it out with Silas about why he was mad at me, which turned out to be because I put me and the baby in danger on July 4th, and it scared him.

Lexi and Aaliyah went with me to the hospital this morning so I could be monitored and they could check for any more developing preeclampsia symptoms. They also helped me get ready for my date with Silas whilst I facetimed Kat getting her opinions on the outfit.

"I always forget Leighton has a sleeve" Kat said out of nowhere as we did the finishing touches to my makeup.

"How? It literally takes up my whole arm" I laughed, reaching for my eyebrow pencil as Aaliyah worked on my hair.

"You're always in hoodies!"

"They're comfy, and they don't press in on my stomach. Speaking of wearing hoodies, do you know why Colby is mad at me?" I asked her, grabbing my eyeshadow palette.

"He's feeling sorry for himself" She rolled her eyes making my face scrunch up.

"What do you mean?"

"Leigh, stop being oblivious!" Katrina scolded and I glared.

"Sorry I'm not babying him! I'm too busy worrying about my literal baby!" I snapped, Lexi and Aaliyah staying quiet.

"Why don't you ask him?" She lectured and I rolled my eyes.

"So you're telling me that on top of all my own bullshit, I also have to worry about him?"

"Leigh stop" Kat spoke in a monotone and I flipped her off, grabbing my highlight.

"Wow, real mature"  

"Hey, let's all get along, yeah?" Aaliyah suggested, setting down the straightener.

"Look Kat, I get you're used to having an easy going life, but that is not my story right now. I can't be bothered to constantly worry about my roommate, when I have a high risk pregnancy, okay? It's not my fault he's acting like a child. I'm not in charge of him, or his feelings. I need to make things right with Silas tonight, and I need to focus on my own family. At the end of the day, they're more important" I explained and Katrina scoffed.

"You're literally so stupid"

"Did I fucking ask? I don't think I did. All I asked was if you knew why he was mad. Not to be lectured about how I don't fucking pay attention every time he cries wolf! Look, it's whatever. I need to finish getting ready. I'll let Sam know that I probably won't be home. Bye" I ended the FaceTime before groaning, then shaking my head and grabbing my lipstick.

"So, what was that about?" Aaliyah asked hesitantly and I grumbled.

"Ever since I told Colby I was moving out, he's been distant. I thought we made progress back in Minnesota ya know? But I guess not"

"Is there a reason you haven't asked him?" Lexi wondered aloud and I sighed.

"I haven't had time. I still need to show him the finished artwork. I've been busy monitoring my body with this baby, trying to meet the requirements so I don't get preeclampsia and god knows what else. Plus I have everything with Silas, and I've been neglecting him lately, along with Logan being gone and not having him to talk to right now. Then there is everything with Mom, and yeah she's getting better, but I'm still fucking terrified something is going to happen. Plus, Gabe has a new girlfriend and it's kind of hitting me that my baby will have a stepmother. There is just so many life changes right now, that I can't pay attention to my fucking roommates and what's going on with them. None of this is including what is going on next week. I'm just swamped, and now I'm annoyed that she's blaming me for his bullshit. Does it look like I have room on my plate for another full course meal of emotions? No" I ranted, both of them staying quiet. "Can you hand me my dress please" I asked quietly, Lexi leaving to go get it.

~

"I'm so glad you didn't choose a booth. I probably wouldn't have fit" I giggled, twisting so I could sit down without falling over.

Silas and I had some small talk before ordering, but his next question caught me off guard.

"Have you figured out a baby name yet?" He asked and my eyes widened a little, shaking my head.

"Gabe and I have only touched on it a few times. Why? Do you have any ideas? I'm all ears. Is it okay if I grab my phone to write them down?" I asked and he nodded.

"Boy or girl?"

"We don't know. Just tell me whatever comes to mind"

"I mean, I think Silas is a great name" He cocked an eyebrow and I laughed.

"I only have room for one Silas in my life, sorry"

"How about Cordelia?" He asked and I scrunched my face, shaking my head.

"That is not my vibe" I let out a breathy laugh.

"Neveah?" He suggested and I shrugged, writing it down.

"It's not bad, but I don't know if I love it"

Silas pulled out his phone and then asked "How do you feel about historical names?"

"Um, I guess I don't mind? What's the name?"

"Cleopatra" he said and I could tell he was trying to keep a straight face.

"Maybe the second baby can be Cleopatra" I chuckled , biting my bottom lip.

"You could call 'em Cleo for short?"

"Cleo is cute"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah"

"Griffith?" He asked and I shook my head.

"Reminds me of my roommates friend named Griffin"

"Emmett?" He asked and I shook my head.

"Gabe's last name is Bennett. It can't be Emmett Bennett" I laughed, Silas cracking a smile as I spoke the name together.

"Why not? I think he'd be a fun guy"

"Caspian? Casandra? Conrad? Coven? Cora? Callie? Christina?" He listed off and I tilted my head to a few, saying no.

"Conrad is the dumbest name ever. I'm sorry if you know a Conrad, but what kinda name is Conrad? Conrad Bennett? Hard no"

I ended up googling some of my own, and a few made the list, but for the most part, it was just us passing time as we waited for our food to arrive.

~

"Queens don't hate, queens don't fight, queens don't stay unless their kings treat them right!" I yelled along to the radio, my hands in the air as Silas laughed at me. "Every jewel on my crown, you better believe I earned it, won't keep people around that don't believe I deserve it!"

"You're so cute" He laughed and I grinned, leaning over and kissing his cheek.

"Oh shit!" I laughed, reaching up to wipe the lipstick mark off.

"Could've left it" He said without looking at me, paying attention to the road.

"You want to walk around with my lipstick mark on your cheek?" I laughed and he shrugged.

"All yours baby" He turned to smirk at me and I smirked back.

"I better be"

He went back to focusing on driving, so naturally I started singing along with the radio again.

"No, I don't need the tallest tower to prove to anyone I ain't weak. I turn my pain into power, every tear's a diamond on my cheek" I sang along and I felt Silas take my hand, lacing our fingers, causing me to smile as I looked down.

It was quiet for a bit, myself humming along to the radio when Silas out of nowhere said "I'm really happy" In a content sigh, causing me to turn to look at him.

"Yeah? I'm glad you're happy. You deserve to be happy baby"

"The happiest" He said when he turned to look at me, squeezing my hand and I felt my cheeks warm up.

~

"Hey babe, do you have a spare shirt I can borrow?"

"You look gorgeous, but I guess I can give you a t-shirt" He grabbed one from his closet, tossing it at me.

"AH!" I yelled, quickly catching it before it hit me in the face. "I didn't bring fucking makeup wipes. I'm going to look like a racoon when I come out of that bathroom" I sighed and Silas laughed.

"You're the prettiest racoon I've ever soon"

"I hate you" I grinned, closing the bathroom door.

I took a quick shower, washing my makeup off.

When I went to get dressed, I quickly found out that that wasn't happening.

"Hey babe?!" I yelled, cracking open the bathroom door.

"Yeah?"

"Erm... we got a problem" I muttered and I watched him get off the bed, walking over to the door.

"What is the problem- oh my god" He laughed as I opened the door and I frowned.

"This is bullshit" I grumbled, looking at myself in the mirror.

"You look cute" He noted and I rolled my eyes.

"It doesn't fucking fit. This isn't helping me not feel fat right now. I can't fit in my boyfriend's clothes!" I grumbled, seeing my little baby belly poke out at the bottom of his shirt.

"I mean, you fit, just your baby doesn't"

"I don't even have a bra!"

"I'm not complaining" He smirked and I glared at him.

"Yeah, I'm sure you're not! Now what?"

"I mean, it still works" He said, eyeing me over and I huffed.

"Do you have sweatpants so I can at least cover my ass? This is ridiculous" I grumbled, turning to the side, seeing the stretched out shirt.

"Hey, come here" He grabbed my hand, pulling me into him. "You look cute. I get it's annoying, and frustrating, but I think you look adorable"

"You just like that my thong is exposed in this ensemble"

"It's a perk, but I spend more time looking at your pretty smile than your ass" He smirked and I glared.

"Yeah, sure. Can I have sweatpants please?" I asked and he nodded.

He walked back in with dark gray sweatpants, handing them to me.

"Oh god what if they don't fit" I groaned, afraid to put them on. "What if they're like jeans, and I move and they rip? Oh my god, take them back!" I threw them at him and he just started laughing at me.

"Leighton, just put them on" He opened them up and crouched down. "C'mon, one leg first"

"Not shit sherlock! What did you think I was gonna do? Fucken jump into them?"

"C'mon!" He laughed and I braced my hand on his shoulder, stepping into the sweatpants.

"There you go baby, look, you can even tie them. You look perfect" He smiled at me in the mirror, tying the drawstrings.

"My stomach still sticks out" I grumbled, tracing the bottom of my stomach with my finger tips.

"That's a mood" He laughed and I smacked his arm.

"Silas! I'm only gonna get bigger!"

"At least I know you won't steal my hoodies" he cocked an eyebrow and I punched the side of his arm "Ow!" He laughed, holding his arm.

"Good!"

"If it really bugs you, you could just take the top off?" He suggested and I narrowed my eyes at him.

"I don't have anything on underneath"

"Leigh, I don't care what you do, I just want you to be comfortable. I'm sorry, but I don't have any bras for you to barrow" He teased and I rolled my eyes, smiling.

"If I take my shirt off, do you promise not to look?" I asked and he chuckled. "Baby, I'm a guy. I can't help but to look. I promise you're stunning, and I won't do anything inappropriate to you, but I can't promise to not look"

"Fine, turn around"

"What, just so I can turn around and see you topless? You're not hiding anything Leigh"

"Oh my god! I hate you. Fine" I grumbled, pulling his shirt over my head, and when I opened my eyes, he was staring at me. "HEY! It's rude to stare! I know, my nipples look weird" I frowned, looking down.

"What?" He laughed and I pouted.

"They're bigger. Like my nipples grew. I talked to Dr. Hughes about it, and apparently your nipples become larger and more pronounced as your boobs grow, getting ready for milk and the baby. And like the middle can darken. Ugh my boobs are gonna be so ugly!"

"I don't notice anything weird Leigh, you're perfect"

"I'm far from perfect!" I laughed, cupping my boobs and wincing. "Yeah, you're sticking to first base. These bitches still fucking hurt"

~

"I'm excited to see it. You've spent a long time on it" Colby said as we climbed my parents' stairs.

"God, I can't get any bigger or I'm going to need one of those stair chairs the old people use" I panted, stopping halfway up the steps.

"Our new house has an elevator" He laughed and I breathed heavily before meeting him at the top.

"Good for you. My apartment does too. Anyway, lets go look at it"

I opened the art room door, and I saw my dad was sitting at the desk, sketching.

When he heard the door squeak, he looked up at us before looking back down at what he was doing.

"Sorry to bother you. Just wanted to show him the art piece" I told him and he nodded, getting back into the zone of his sketching.

I walked over to the piece, turning the easel around so he could see it.

"YOOOO! THIS LOOKS SICK!" He yelled, my dad chuckling.

"You like it?" I asked and he quickly shook his head.

"This is insane! You out did yourself! Oh my god! It's going to look sick in our living room!"

"I'm glad you like it"

"Like it? I love it Leighton! I might make you do all the artwork in our house" He laughed, getting closer to the piece.

"God no, this thing took me months. You'd have a bare house for a long time" I laughed.

"Do you care if we keep it here till we move in?" Colby asked and I turned to look at my dad, asking him.

"That's fine, Leigh, can you hand me the charcoal?" My dad asked and I nodded, grabbing the bin.

Colby and I ended up going to Chick-fil-a and we sat down at a table outside and I decided now was a good time to do what Kat suggested, and ask Colby what was going on.

"So.. erm.. I've been meaning to talk to you"

"About?"

"Uh.. is everything okay? Between us, I mean. You've been.. distant.. again?" I asked and he sat up straighter in his chair.

"Yeah, why?"

"I just... what happened back on the fourth?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well uh.. like.. you were.. mad? And you said that I was moving out, and uh... when I asked you what you meant.. you uh.. kinda ignored me?"

Colby sighed, dipping a french fry into ketchup, almost seeming like he was trying to figure out how he was going to answer this.

"Please don't lie to me" I begged and he threw his head back, turning it from side to side before looking at me.

"I guess I'm just disappointed"

"Disappointed? Why?"

Colby groaned, looking off to the side before back at me, slouching back in his chair again.

"I guess I just... I thought we were becoming friends? Like.. we were starting to hang out together.. and get along and now you're leaving. I guess I just feel like it was for nothing. Like we went through all of this.. for nothing"

"How was it for nothing?"

"It just feels like everyone was on our necks about getting along, and now we finally are, and you're leaving. Like.. the things I've learned to love doing with you.. won't happen anymore. I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself, I don't know"

"Just because I'm moving into my own place, doesn't mean we still can't do stupid stuff. I get it. I felt the same. It does suck knowing I can't text you at 2am and ask you to get cheesy fries with me.. but that doesn't mean we'll never get cheesy fries together again."

"Why did you want to move out anyway?"

"Independence"

"But you have independence?"

"It's not the same"

"How? What is independence to you?"

"Being on my own"

"But you are on your own. So what, does that make Sam and I codependent because we live together? Like.. we still do our own thing? You don't have to be alone to be independent Leighton" Colby tried to make a point and I groaned.

"You're sounding like Aaliyah!"

"Aaliyah is a smart girl" Colby chuckled and I rolled my eyes, chucking a french fry at him.

"Why do you want to be on your own?" He asked and I sighed, my stupid little brain giving me stupid little flashbacks of my stupid life.

"I just do"

"Now don't lie to me Leighton" He mocked and I glared.

"Shut up. I want to be on my own because I never have before. I've never been on my own. I've always been with my parents, or Gabe or Aaliyah's and I spent some time at Stephens.. I just.. I want to be alone. I need to be alone"

"How does being alone prove your independence?"

"It's just.. I've always depended on someone y'know? Like.. when I was kicked out.. I had someone to go to. I know that sounds dumb, but like.. there always is a safety net, and don't get me wrong.. it's nice.. it's just.. I have a lot to prove. And like, even my dad is the second signer on my lease in case I can't pay rent. Like I said, safety net"

"What's wrong with having a safety net?"

"I will never not be looked at as the girl with a drug addiction. You know what tomorrow is, right?" I asked and he looked down at his phone.

"Uh... the 13th?" He asked and I nodded.

"Tomorrow means a lot to me. It's the day I'm starting over, and I'm going to prove to everyone that I can do this. I need to do this"

"What's tomorrow?" He asked and I sighed, knowing I shouldn't have brought it up.

"I don't want to talk about it"

"You can't just start and not finish"

"YOU DO THAT ALL THE TIME! We WERE talking about you!"  

"Okay, but what's tomorrow? Your birthday was a month ago? It's not your due date... is it your anniversary with Gabe?" He asked and I shook my head.

"Tomorrow is a year ago that I vowed to start over"

"What does that mean?"

"On July 13th 2019, Aaliyah picked me up from prison, and brought me to her house.. and I started my recovery journey"

"Wait, you went to jail? We both went to jail in 2019? Hold on-"

"Cole Brock, did you just make this about you?"

"No! I just... it's weird we both went to jail in 2019, anyway, continue" He chuckled and I rolled my eyes.

"I went for drug possession. Look, I don't really want to talk about this, okay? That's just what tomorrow is, and that is part of the reason I want to be on my own. There is a lot to prove, and Aaliyah told me I should look into getting it expunged"

"What is that?"

"Like wiping it from my record"

"Can they do that?"

I nodded, grabbing one of my chicken nuggets.

"It just can't be for something serious y'know.. like a serial killer or podophiles. I don't know. It would make it easier to apply for jobs and such. It was such a dumb crime too! Ugh, still annoyed about it"

"I mean, Sam and I were busted for trespassing on a construction site near a school, so we are both dumb criminals" he laughed and I rolled my eyes, smiling.

"Can I say something controversial?"

"Hm?"

"McDonalds chicken nuggets are better" I took another bite of the chicken nugget and Colby laughed.

"So, going back to you being upset that I'm moving out, why don't we try to hang out more often? You could always join my family and I? Or my friends? We could go see Nova at Cynthia's? We could do our late night diner things too. I don't move out till the beginning of August. We have time. Just tell me when you want to"

"What if before you gave birth, you moved back?" Colby suggested and I gave him a weird look.

"That defeats the purpose of me moving out" I laughed and Colby shook his head.

"Hear me out. You're on your own, you feel that independent life, you move back"

"Isn't that literally two steps forward, three steps back?" I asked and Colby narrowed his eyes at me.

"I don't get it"

"Get what"

"Why you want to move out"

"Other than being independent?" I asked and he nodded. "Well... I, uh.. erm.. well" I stuttered and he gave me a look. "I don't want to be inconvenient"

"What do you mean you don't want to be inconvenient? You're being more inconvenient by moving out, than moving with us"

"Shut up, and that's not it. You guys didn't ask for a pregnant lady, and then her baby to move in. I just don't want to take over your space with baby stuff. You guys didn't ask for the late night crying, and the baby bouncer being in your way. And don't tell me "we wouldn't mind" because you don't know that. You haven't lived with it. You guys like to live in big houses with family and friends, and throw big parties and get drunk till 5am. That's not going to be my lifestyle. I will be up till 5am crying alongside my newborn. We live two different lives, and I think it will be a good thing that I'm in a separate place"

"Can't you get a noise complaint about a crying infant?" Colby asked and I glared at him.

"Don't start giving me anxiety about my new place!"

"Well like, we could get noise complainants for parties. Why we learned we do best in a big house"

"No shit, you guys throw insane parties"

"Thank you" He grinned and I rolled my eyes.

"That wasn't a compliment"

"You know... if you didn't move out, you wouldn't get a noise complaint. We could even put you on the other side of the house"

"Why are you manifesting me getting a noise complaint about my crying newborn?"

"I'm not"

"You are"

"No I'm not"

"Colby Brock, stop it. You're not going to change my mind all because you think it's a grand idea to have me and my newborn crying in your house at 3am"

"You know, most of the time Sam and I are gone filming" He pointed out and I shook my head in disbelief.

"Stop. I don't care. I'm moving into my own place. Deal with it. If your big concern is us not hanging out, we can still hang out. You hang out with Brennen all the time, and he doesn't live with you. Plus, you can fuck whomever you'd like, and won't have to hear me tease you about it" I smirked and Colby smirked back.

We finished eating and found ourselves walking through Target.

"When we get home, can you help me?" I asked him, Colby grabbing a basket.

"With what?"

"I normally wouldn't ask you this... but with my labor and delivery stretches? I'd normally ask Gabe, but he's hanging out with his best friend on my free day"

"What do these stretches entail?"

"Erm"

"Leighton"

"You said we're friends right!"

"Do friends help their friends do labor and delivery stretches?"

"Yes"

"Do male friends help their female friends-"

"Oh, you're going to be sexist now?"

"Leighton!"

"If you don't want to, just say no!"

"I didn't say no-"

"So yes?"

"FINE" Colby grumbled and I grinned.

"Thank you"

~

"We're opening what?" Colby asked, making me laugh.

"My hips and strengthening my pelvic floor"

"What is that?"

"My pelvic floor?" I asked and he nodded. "You know how girls sneeze and they'll pee? It helps with that. After the hospital they make you do Kegels"

"What the fuck is that?"

"You're basically flexing your vagina muscles to strengthen your pelvic floor so you don't pee yourself"

I hit play on the video, groaning at the fact that it was 24 minutes long.

"Breathe in and out" The video said and Colby and I did that. "Sway your hips from side to side" I copied the video and Colby laughed at me.

"I will not allow you to film this if you're going to make fun of me the whole time!"

"I'm sorry! Okay, side to side. Just like Ariana Grande said"

"Oh, I regret asking you to help me" I grumbled, moving my hips slowly side to side.

"Now we're going to do half circles" The lady said and Colby watched the video, both of us trying to copy her.

"Damn, after this video I'll be ready to perform at the strip club" He joked, shaking his ass.

"Oh my god, shut up"

"You're literally just shaking your ass in a circle! MY MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE BOYS TO THE YARD!" He yelled, shaking his ass at me and I laughed a little, shaking my head.

"Now half circles forward" She instructed and Colby laughed at me, causing me to flip him off.

"You're so annoying!"

"It's not my fault you look stupid"

"WHEN THIS BABY POPS OUT OF MY VAGINA, WHOSE GONNA LOOK STUPID THEN, HUH?!"

"Still you"

"You know what-"

"WHAT, TELL ME WHAT BABY MAMA"

"EW! Don't say that to me ever again" I gagged and he cackled.

"That's what you are!" He defended and I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not your baby momma, now can we focus on the video please"

Colby and I finished the hip circles, and now we were standing in a weird squat.

"So this is basically twerking, just from side to side?" He asked and I rolled my eyes.

"No. You know what, do whatever you want" I muttered, doing the awkward motion with the video, my ass sticking out as I moved my hips side to side.

"Damn Leigh! Get it!" He yelled at me and I bit my lip, trying not to slug him.

"I feel sorry for whoever the fuck you impregnant" I muttered.

"God she said to go lower, Imma fall on my ass. If I fall, you have to help me up Colby"

"You've been mean to me all day, no thank you" He told me and I looked up at him, glaring.

"You're one word away from getting punched. Watch it Brock"

I continued with the pelvic floor muscles, ignoring Colby as he also tried to do them, not really getting it.

I watched the next position and I shook my head.

"There is no way in hell I'm doing that"

"You got to try Leigh!"

"I will split my vagina in two, no"

"Let's at least try?" He asked and I glared.

"What, are you gonna fucking try?"

"I can if it will make you do it"

"I hate you"

"The feeling is mutual"

"So you're basically going into a lunge, but our hands are on our thigh and we point out our toes" I muttered, wobbling a little as I lowered my hips into the right position.

"If I fall, so help me God"

"You're going to be fine" Colby reassured, but we both knew he was lying.

Our knees rested on the mat, our hands out in front of us as we slowly rotated our hips to the side.

"How does it feel to do these stretches whilst pregnant? Because I'm not pregnant, and this feels weird"

"Um, I can feel the stretching in my hips and like the back of my thigh. Can you?" I asked and he nodded.

"This is weird"

"Ugh I gotta touch my hand to my opposite foot. I'm not flexible, I'm not gonna make it" I panted, watching the instructor.

The second I touched my toes, the instructor moved on and I groaned, wanting to give up.

"There is no way in hell I'm doing this in my third trimester" I grumbled, Colby chuckling.

"Look at me Ma, I'm doing it! NO HANDS!" He yelled, copying the instructor as he held his hands up in the air.

"You're such a dick. I'm glad you're enjoying this" I panted, opening my hips to the 90 degree hand, my right hip feeling like it was going to leave my fucking body as I did this lunge.

"Imagine if you just pee yourself" He laughed and I rolled my eyes, shaking my head.

"You're annoying"

The second she said we were gonna sit, I thanked the lord until she said we were stretching again, and I wanted to murder her.

"I'M GONNA DIE!" I yelled, leaning forward to stretch out my back muscles.

"You're being dramatic"

"I'M CARRYING A BABY COLE! NOTHING ABOUT THIS IS DRAMATIC! OH GOD!" I groaned, leaning forward, feeling all the weight of my baby pull me to the floor.

"These stretches kill. I'm never getting up off the floor" I grumbled, copying the video. "I'm pissed that you're doing this well. What the fuck" I grumbled, watching him copy her exactly.

"THIS BITCH IS TRYNA MAKE MY LEG FALL OFF!" I yelled, breathing heavily as I rotated my hip muscle back and forth.

"How is her leg so straight? Dude, I'm not gonna be able to do this" I groaned, pushing my leg in the air, copying the video.

"You look great Leigh!" Colby cheered and I flipped him off, knowing I look fucking stupid right now.

"I'm going to kill you. Next time you're pushing out this baby. Why the fuck are you nailing these? What the hell"

"I'm just a better pregnant woman than you are"

"YOU WANNA GO?! I'LL FUCKING GO! YOU'RE NOT EVEN FUCKING PREGNANT!" I yelled, pushing my leg out to kick him in his thigh.

"That's cheating!" He exclaimed and I rolled my eyes.

"YOU'RE CHEATING!"

"How am I cheating?"

"I DON'T KNOW BUT YOU ARE! FUCK THIS HURTS!" I groaned, feeling the stretching in my upper thigh.

"SHE WANTS ME TO GRAB MY FOOT COLBY! MY FOOT! I CAN'T EVEN- OH MY GOD!" I groaned, trying to reach my foot and failing.

"Do you want help?" he asked and I glared.

"Do I want help" I scoffed, still trying to reach my foot.

"Leigh"

"Go away Mr. I'm always fucking perfect"

"Here, can I push your leg forward a little so you can grab it?" He asked and I sighed, nodding.

He pushed on my lower upper thigh, my fingertips barely grasping the bottom of my foot as I breathed heavily.

"I deserve ice cream after this, dear lord" I panted, trying desperately to grab my foot.

"Nah fuck her and fuck this" I growled, watching her lower her knee into her shoulder.

"You can do it Leigh!" He cheered, helping me a little bit.

"Fuck me" I growled, feeling the sting in my thigh and groin.

Colby helped me lay on my back, pushing my knees towards my shoulders as I tried to hold onto my feet.

"I feel fucking stupid" I grumbled and he laughed.

"You look fucking stupid"

"I hate you"

"I know. Do you want me to push harder?" He asked and I threw my head back, my forehead starting to get sweaty.

"You do that, I will break your fucking legs"

He helped me a little bit with the butterfly stretch, myself breathing like I just ran 10 miles in a wetsuit.

"Hey Leigh... I'd just like to inform you that you're only 11 minutes into the video out of 24 minutes" He said and I kicked him, hard.

"Ow!" He yelled and I rolled my eyes, standing on my knees.

We copied the same stretch from earlier, just on the other side, and I swear I was gonna collapse.

"I regret getting pregnant. This fucking sucks, ow! Fuck me!" I groaned, feeling a tiny pinch in my back.

"Would you like help? He asked, and instead of fighting him, I just nodded.

"I hate this" I whined, practically doing the splits, but with my legs bent.

"You said this was supposed to help you?" He questioned and I nodded.

"It's supposed to help make labor easier but fucking hell I hate it right now" I felt small tears fall down my face as I stretched, Colby's face filling with concern.

"Are you hurt? We can stop-"

"No! I'm frustrated! I'm- fuck!" I cried, bracing myself on the mat, my arms wobbling.

"Hey, hey, hey! It's okay! You're doing a good job!" He reassured me and I shook my head.

"I got fucking noodle arms!" I cried and he chuckled.

"You have 4 minutes left. Come on, up you go" He lifted me up off the mat, back onto my knees.

"Here, I'll hold you so you don't collapse, just try and spread your legs in the weird squat thing" He said and I sighed, more tears falling down my face as I got angry with myself.

"Fuck! I should be able to do this!" I whined, leaning forward over my leg.

"Okay, wait, stop" He said quickly, causing me to look at him.

"What's wrong? The lady in the video isn't sobbing?" He questioned and I glared.

"MAYBE BECAUSE SHE DOES THIS ALL THE DAMN TIME!"

"But why are you crying? Are you in pain? If you're in pain, you should stop"

"I'm crying because I'm mad!"

"Why are you mad?"

"BECAUSE SHE'S MAKING IT LOOK FUCKING EASY AND I'M STRUGGLING!"

"Leighton. You said it yourself. She's done this before. She already has kids. It's not her first time. This is your first pregnancy. Things are going to be harder. You're not the carbon copy of her. It's okay to struggle. Slow down, take a deep breath and try again" He encouraged me and I sighed, wiping at my face.

Colby handed me my water bottle and some of my crackers before I slowly eased back into the stretch.

"It's not a race, Leighton. It's okay to go at a slower pace"

"Would you like me to join you again, or do you want me to just help? He asked and I ignored him, focusing on trying not to breathe like an insane person.

We went back to the butterfly stretch, but this time my legs had to be straight, and pushed backwards.

"Do you want to try on your own, or do you want help?" He asked and I felt more tears fall down my face as I got frustrated again.

"I can't- ugh! Help, please" I frowned, trying to grasp my feet, but I couldn't reach them.

"My toes are not touching the ground I can tell you that" I muttered, Colby moving to sit behind me.

"Do you want me to hold your ankles?" He asked and I nodded.

"Lightly push down" I reminded him, knowing that I am not at all flexible and I will simply parish away if I pretended to be.

"I hate the burning sensation in my thighs" I grumbled, feeling Colby lightly push my legs back a little more each time.

We moved to the last stretch, and Colby handed me a pillow so my belly wasn't resting on the mat, myself spreading my hips and leaning forward.

"This is your last one Leigh, you can do it" He encouraged and my arms were literally shaking as I leaned on my elbows, my forehead resting on the mat.

All I could hear was my heavy breathing as I felt the muscles pull in my lower back.

"Please help me up" I sighed, slowly getting up.

I sat on my butt, reaching my hands out towards Colby, but instead, he went behind me and reached under my arms, pulling me up.

The second I was standing, I felt all the tingles, stinging and aches in the places we stretched.

"Can I ask for another small favor?"  

"Hm?"

"Can you sit outside the bathroom door whilst I shower? My legs feel like jello"

"Yeah, let me grab my phone"

Colby walked behind me on the stairs so I didn't tumble, patiently waiting as I walked up the stairs at snail speed.

I was walking towards the bathroom after grabbing a pair of cotton shorts and a baggy shirt, smiling at myself as Colby sat against the wall, scrolling on his phone.

I closed the bathroom door, leaving it unlocked just in case, turning on the shower and stripping from my sweaty clothes.

I found myself looking at my baby bump in the mirror, seeing the differences in my body now, verses when I first found out.

Everything was bigger.

I noticed some tiny little stretch markers on my stomach, and my boobs, knowing they're just going to get bigger.

I also knew that you could put lotions on them to try and help, but I always heard that most of them didn't do jack shit for you and that they were a waste of money.

The second I was under the warm shower head, I felt my back muscles slowly relax, my shoulders dropping a little bit as I reached for my shampoo.

The second I lifted my arms to wash it out, I winced.

I slowly tried to do it, but the moment I realized I would have to repeat the process with conditioner, I just cried.

God knows how long I cried in the shower, feeling sorry for myself, but I eventually sucked it up and pushed through the body aches to finish my shower.

I stepped out of the shower, my legs wobbling a little bit, causing me to brace myself against the counter.

I felt my head lean back, my hips pressed into the cupboard as I took a deep breath, feeling the tears brim at my waterline.

I felt like a baby. Like I was failing.

I was tired of crying all of the time, but it was hard to know that no one understood what I was going through.

I guess I was crying pretty loudly, because Colby knocked on the door, asking if I was okay.

"Um.. yeah" I spoke slowly, feeling some aches near my ribs.

I slowly got dressed and opened the door, smiling at the fact that Colby was still sitting there, right outside my bathroom door.

"Can I ask one last favor and then you can run away?" I asked him, startling him.

"Uh, yeah. What do you need?"

"Can you help me brush my hair before my arm breaks off?"

Colby nodded, standing up and putting his phone in his pocket.

"How do I do that?"

"Erm... well, take the brush, I can brush the roots and then um.. you know how to make a ponytail right?"

"You just like.. scoop.. right?" He asked and I laughed.

"I mean, I guess. Just gather the hair. I say this, 'cause if you hold the hair, I'll show you, it won't pull"

I brushed what I could, and then I created a ponytail, having Colby take grasp of my hair.

"Carefully brush it. If you feel it start to tug, stop and gently go through it. Having your hair pulled is not fun, and can cause a headache"

"How do I start?" He asked and I smiled, watching him try to assess the task at hand.

"You can either start from the bottom, so when you're brushing at the top it doesn't snag, or, you can start at the top and gently work your way down"

I watched him in the mirror, and he decided to start from the bottom and work up.

I've never seen him try to be so gentle with anything in his life.

"Tell me why my arms feel like Roman Noodles when all of the workout was my legs"

"It was all of those feet grabs" He laughed and I rolled my eyes.

"It was all of that trying not to choke you for mocking me"

"Kinky"

"You seem like the type to be kinky"

"If the shoe fits" is all he said and my jaw dropped.

I kept my mouth shut, letting the silence fill the room as he finished the task.

"Okay, drop my hair, and brush through it all. Careful of snagging" I reminded him, watching my hair fall from his hand.

"I'm so glad I don't have this much hair" He muttered, making me laugh.

"I was always told to cut my hair once the baby is born, because the baby will grab, and yank" I smiled, unsure how I felt about losing my long hair.

"Are you attached to your hair?" He asked and I shook my head.

"I'm not attached, no. But I do like the way I look with it, and I haven't had short in since I was a kid, so I don't know how I feel about it"

"I think you could rock short hair"

"Yeah? Just fully shave it off? Ya know, my friend Aimee did that"

"It would definitely be a look"

* * * *

Written on: April 19th, 21st, 22nd, 23rd 2022

Word Count: 6.6k

Part Thirty Two

[britswriting]

Unbroken (29)

Unbroken Masterlist

Read on Wattpad

my Sam and Colby fanpage on Instagram

*There is some "mature" talk in the texts! You've been warned!* - dirty jokes

*Leighton's POV*

It was July 4th weekend, and on the 4th I turned exactly 18 weeks pregnant which was scary to think about.

The night before we left Minnesota, I was on the phone with Gabriel and we had decided to cancel our appointment for the Amniocentesis. Gabe was very nervous for it due to researching how it can cause miscarriage and uterus infections, plus in some cases the baby had been injured due to careless doctors.

The testing is for genetic disorders, but we figured we'd rather be safer than sorry, and if our baby was born with some sort of disorder, we would handle it the best we could, but we didn't want to have a needle shoved into my stomach, and possibly cause miscarriage, infection and or injury, no matter how low the rate was

When I got back from my birthday getaway, life started to hit me once again. I was grateful for the time I had to get away, but I wish I could've stayed their for eternity.

The rest of that week we went fishing, and swimming and hung out with my extended family, taking Sam and Kat to Mall Of America. It was just nice to hang out in a place I loved with the people I loved, but the second we got back on that plane, it was like reality slapped me in the face.

That next week I had an interview for the art job, I had apartment hunting, and I had to sit down with Gabriel and have some tough talks for our baby.

Things like his new girlfriend have now come into view, and godparents, middle names and even how we are going to plan our nurseries.

I felt like I never had enough time, even if I was still more than halfway to go until the baby was born.

My worst fear was for the baby to be born early, and I was in complete and utter panic by not being prepared.

I at least wanted to figure out the name, if not the nursery.

I was nowhere near the nesting phase, but I was in the phase of What If's.

I was actually getting ready to film a video with Sam before I was off to my parents house. I put on some light makeup, brushing my hair and letting it cascade down my back, throwing on a baggy tee and leggings, wanting to be comfy.

I landed the art job which was exciting because it made it so I could finally sign a lease. I actually was able to find a nice apartment, but I had to have my dad on as a dependent in case I couldn't pay rent, but the thought of finally being closer to being fully independent felt really good.

The apartment was fairly small, but was 2 bed one bath which was honestly more than I could've asked for. I really thought I was going to land a dingey studio apartment, but thankfully I did find a cheaper two bed.

It kind of sucked that I was actually achieving my goal of moving out since I was getting a lot closer to Colby ever since our Minnesota trip, and I'd miss Sam and I's late night movie hangs, or Katrina and I's shopping trips.

I knew I could still hang out with them, it just sucked knowing they wouldn't be across the hall from me anymore.

Colby and I have been hanging out a lot more lately, mainly because he's the only one awake and or home when pregnancy cravings hit. Thankfully he's been a godsend for taking me to In and Out at midnight, or to our local diner at 3am, to get me the best chili cheese fries EVER.

It's been fun to have our late night hang outs and not feel like every time we are in the same room I'm walking on eggshells.

I will say that I am nervous to move out, mainly because who else is going to take me to get chili cheese fries at 3am? My apartment was about 45 minutes from Sam and Colby's new place, so Colby being just a short drive away to go get greasy food was out of the question. But in all honesty, being on my own seemed so scary. I was used to depending on people when it came to living somewhere, and I guess I had my dad as a safety net, but in the big picture, I was all on my own.

I had the dreadful conversation with Sam and Colby last week about how I wouldn't be moving into their new house with them, and how July would be my last month's payment.

I sat them down in the living room, and after a little bit of small talk, trying to naturally transition the conversation, I ripped the Band-Aid off.

"So I have been meaning to talk to you guys since my birthday trip. I will not be moving into the new house with you guys" I spoke kind of quickly, but clearly.

Their laughs got quiet and Colby quickly replied with "Wait, what?"

"You know how I mentioned that I'd be looking at apartments? Well I found one and I was able to sign the lease and put a down payment on it, I move out August 5th" I explained and I could see hurt and confusion in Colby's facial features.

"Why are you moving out? We were finally getting along?"

"I want to be independent! I need this for myself, and for my baby. I don't want you guys hating me for having a crying newborn" I explained and Colby's face fell.

"Leigh, we would never hate you" Sam tried to explain, but I just shook my head.

"You guys didn't sign up for a newborn to be crying all day. It's not like you'd never see us again. We just won't be down the hall disrupting your sleep or your videos" I explained and Colby was quiet. Very quiet.

"Leighton, we never said you had to move out?" Sam asked, confused.

"I think this will be good for everyone. Plus, Silas and I are getting closer, and I'd like to hang out with him and not have to worry about being in the way. I'm doing this for all of us, but mainly me. It will be good for me, and like I said, we will still see each other.. hopefully. I get if you want to cut off ties, but I'm leaving it open here that that is not my intention. I'd love for you guys to meet my baby, and for him or her to have so many aunt and uncles"

"It sucks that you're leavy, but we all want the best for you, and if this is what you think the best for you is, I support you" Sam said and I nodded, thankful.

"Colby?" I asked and he still was quiet, lost in his own world. "Colby?" I tried again and once Sam touched his shoulder, he snapped out of it.

"Hm?"

"How do you feel about me moving out? We're okay, right?" I asked and he nodded slowly, but there was some sort of unknown thoughts holding him captive.

He never did tell me what was on his mind. He just nodded, and that was that.

That night when I asked Colby if he wanted to go to the diner with me, he told me no, which was confusing. I instead picked up Lexi and Macy and we went to the diner together, meeting up with Aaliyah and Aaliyah's sister Monica.

I ended up spending the night at Aaliyah's, and that next day we went out and I had bought some maternity pants, and new bras since things were starting to get tight in all the wrong places, so that was about a month's worth of rent out of my pocket.

I have also been wearing the ring Colby had gotten every day since he gave it to me to the point where I think it would just look odd without it on my finger.

"Leighton! Are you ready to film?!" I heard Sam shout and I grabbed my phone, heading down the stairs.

"Let me pee, grab some water and I'm ready" I told him, heading towards the bathroom.

When I walked into the kitchen, I saw our counter was lined with plastic cups which made me slightly confused, but once Sam started his intro, everything started to make more sense.

"Okay guys, today we are going to play beer pong with a twist!" Sam told the camera. "It's basically beer pong & hot ones except we have apple juice on the side for Leighton since she can't drink '' Sam showed the red solo cups sitting next to an Apple Juice container. "Joining me today is Mr. Colby Brock himself, Leighton our friend and Aaliyah, Leighton's best friend"

"So what, are we doing shots of hot sauce?" I asked and Sam shook his head.

"That's hot ones, Leighton!" Aaliyah told me, Colby, Sam and Aaliyah laughing. "Sam literally just said you're doing apple juice shots" she teased.

"I'd love to see Leigh take a hot sauce shot" Colby snickered and I rolled my eyes.

"You know some pregnant people love spicy things" I cocked an eyebrow in a challenging way, Colby and I ignoring Sam who was talking to his camera. "You wanna take a shot right now? Make up for not being able to on your birthday?" Colby asked and I shook my head, not feeling like dying on camera.

"Okay, so basically we all posted on our Instagram's besides Leighton, since she doesn't have one, and assumption card post for you guys to reply to. We put on our Sam & Colby page to make assumptions about Leigh for a video, and on our personals did ourself. That way there is a fair game for everyone. ANYWAY, basically if you get it in the cup, you have to answer an assumption. If you don't want to answer it, you have to drink." Sam explained and everyone nodded.

"Bring on the spicy water!" Aaliyah cheered and the boys joined her whilst I stood awkwardly.

"We can't really give Leighton a punishment, and I don't want to accidently bring on early labor" Sam told the camera and I felt Aaliyah's body radiate with excitement.

"Bring on the labor! I want to meet my niece or nephew!" She declared and I glared.

"If my baby is born prematurely, one, you're paying the hospital bills and two, I want your head on a platter if my baby dies" Aaliyah shot her hands up and apologized but it still left a slight sour taste in my mouth. Even if she didn't mean any harm, it still felt hurtful. I knew she was excited to meet my baby, but early labor was a touchy subject for me. Especially since I wasn't totally able to bring my blood pressure down.

"This is the last video we are filming in this house before we move in with all new roommates. This is kind of sentimental" Colby noted, the thought dawning on him.

"Dang dude, you're right. We are moving soon huh" Sam shook his head, like he couldn't believe it, playing along for the video since we all knew the thought of moving was sitting in the back of our brains twenty four seven.

"If I have to drink too many times, I'll have to switch to water so I don't intake too much sugar" I quickly explained when Sam went to grab the tripod from the sun room.

"That's a thing?" Colby asked and I nodded.

"Having too much sugar is bad for you, even when you aren't pregnant"

Sam set up the camera, and then Sam and Colby went on one side, Aaliyah and I on the other and Colby & I did rock paper scissors for who went first.

Sam & Colby won, so Colby took his shot at landing the ball in a cup, but missed.

"AH LOSER!" I yelled, grabbing the ball.

"FUCK!" Colby yelled, hearing the ball bounce on the floor.

Aaliyah threw the ball and got it in, so Sam and Colby did rock paper scissors for who had to take the assumption, and then they'd switch off from there, that way it was fair on who was getting exposed.

Colby lost, so he grabbed his phone and handed it to Aaliyah.

"I'm just going to scroll and stop, and whatever it lands on that's what I'll ask" She said and then mad man scrolled through the assumptions.

"Okay! Colby!" She poke in an assertive, catching his attention.

"Yes!" Colby replied loudly, making my ears hurt.

"Colby secretly hates Fan Pages" She read off and all of our eyes widened, turning to Colby as if he had done something unfathomable.

"Damn, um.. no. I don't. I don't really like the ones that spread rumors and stuff, but no. I don't secretly hate fan pages. I think all of you guys are cool and a lot of you make some sick artwork, and funny edits. I've been meaning to follow a couple of them" he chuckled.

Sam tossed the ping pong ball and landed it in a cup.

"Fuck yeah!" He cheered, doing a silly dance.

I ended up losing and had to go first so Sam grabbed his phone and scrolled through assumptions.

"Okay Leigh, this person assumes you secretly hate living with us" Sam said and I bit my lip.

"Damn, a lot of people think we secretly hate stuff!" Colby laughed.

"Do I answer bluntly? Or do I explain?" I asked and Colby's mouth parted in surprise.

"Answer however you'd like Leigh, or we can pour you a cup of the good ol' AJ" Sam said and motioned towards the apple juice container.

"I'll take the apple juice" I spoke up and all their eyes widened.

"DAMNNN!" Colby yelled as Sam poured the juice.

"Leigh is the first to drink!" Sam gasped and I drank the juice, setting the cup on the counter.

Colby tossed it and missed, making all me laugh, Aaliyah yell and Sam groan.

"FUCK! I suck at beer pong, sorry man" Colby shook his head, his hands gripping the edge of the counter top.

I scrolled through Sam's phone, landing on a question. "Why are so many about me? The fuck? Okay, Sam, this person wants to know if you guys have filmed videos with me"

"That one I can answer! Yes we have! We took Leigh to Hotel Coronado with Amanda, and Brennen. What happened was insane and I wish we could post the video, but most of the evidence we got that would fill the video was personal information about someone we can't put out. So after talking about it with that person and Colby, we decided not to. We hopefully will film with Leigh again, but Leigh doesn't believe in ghost stuff, so comment down below if you want to see Leigh in a video! Maybe we can change her mind!" Sam pointed towards the ground and then Aaliyah went.

"You're ignoring the part where I don't love being on camera in general" I raised an eyebrow at Sam but everyone ignored me.

"We should go back to Hotel Coronado now that we know. Honestly hindsight really is twenty, twenty. Like if we had known what was going on whilst it was happening.. it was crazy" Colby shook his head.

"Cut this out, but like for me, being the one who had to go through with it made it even scarier. Like I don't believe in ghosts. I think talking to the air is wild, but the concept of what had happened is still kind of creepy. I dunno" I shrugged.

We went a few rounds, a lot of us missing but then Colby landed the ball in the cup finally, and I had to have an assumption read out.

"Um..." Colby kept scrolling, and eventually Sam got annoyed and told him to pick one, making me nervous. "Does Sam and Colby force their team to wear their merch?" Colby asked and Sam, Colby laughed whilst I just bit my lip nervously.

"Um, yes and no? They bring merch with to shout out or they wear old merch. They do actually wear their merch around the house. It isn't like promo stuff, but like at the hotel, I wore either Sam or Colby's hoodie and it was merch. I think they purposefully bring merch in case you want to wear it, but they don't force you to. It's not like Sam or Colby packed an all black hoodie to toss over. Something always has their logo on it" I chuckled and Sam pointed to Colby who was literally wearing one of their merch pieces.

"Get the merch down below guys" Colby smirked, grabbing the fabric between his hands and then pointed towards the ground.

"Smooooooth" I laughed.

"Take a shot anytime Leighton says merch" Aaliyah laughed and I rolled my eyes.

"Leighton is our tell all. She'll spill all our secrets for some air time" Sam joked.

We started playing again, and eventually were just playing for fun to see what people wanted to know about us, and Sam would edit the footage he actually wanted to use.

A couple times people drank, like Colby and what his recent photo was in his gallery, Aaliyah and her last text with River, Sam on what their future video was and myself on who my favorite roommate was, which somehow offended them.

"Colby, someone wants to know why you were across the country with Leighton, with a smirk emoji" Sam glanced up from the phone and Colby's lips tightened.

"Do I say?" Colby looked over at me and I shrugged.

"Why are you looking at me? It's not like anything happened" I laughed. "Tell your truth Brock" I saluted him and he shook his head, a small smile on his face as he turned towards the camera.

"I went a few days early before her birthday, so we hung out for a bit. The day of her birthday, which was three days into the trip everyone else came. Sam and Kat were a surprise since we originally said they were busy. We had fun. We explored, we filmed a little, I don't think I ever shared that stuff. I don't know. We are still learning about Ms. Leighton here, so it was fun to see her hometown. Right guys?" Colby turned towards Sam and Aaliyah desperately, who nodded.

"Leighton's been my good friend for years, so it was fun to have Sam and Colby come see the notorious places we talked about" Aaliyah chimed in.

"Some of my favorite photos and videos are from that trip. If Leighton sends me the picture, I'll insert me with a bass I caught after Leighton and Sam mocked me that I couldn't catch shit" Colby spoke cockily, smirking to himself out of pride.

"We had been fishing for like 2 hours and everyone had caught shit but you" Sam laughed and my nose wrinkled.

"I literally vomited in the fucking lake because of the smell. Like Colby smelled like fish and cannonballed next to me, I swear my food became fish food"

"Leighton caught some fish by the way! Let's not forget how Colby kept telling Leighton she could do better, than proceeded to do worse than Leigh the next time he casted!" Aaliyah laughed.

"We will insert some videos from that here" Sam told the camera.

We played for about 15 more minutes before we got bored and ended the video.

Some of them tweeted off of each other's phones, replied to fan dms or fans dared them to do weird things but all in all it wasn't a bad video. I don't think too many juicy details were spilled, but the boys acted like they were a big deal. That saying something like "Colby wears the same sweatpants for days in a row" was jaw dropping news.

Who's going to tell them I put on the same bra I wore yesterday?

I was kind of interested to see what made it in the video and what didn't, but I never watched their videos so I guess I'll never know.

My free time was spent learning about baby stuff, so searching Sam's name on YouTube wasn't really in my radar.

Sam went to put the footage on a hard drive, which meant Colby, Aaliyah and I were all left alone in the kitchen, cleaning up the cups... well... Colby was cleaning the cups. Aaliyah and I were throwing goldfish at each other to see if either one of us could catch it.

"Leighton aim for my mouth! Not my eye!" She scolded, trying to catch the goldfish, but it kept landing on the counter.

"That's what she said" I laughed and I swear they both wanted my head on a platter.

"Your child is going to be Satan's spawn. It's going to come out saying some sort of sex joke" Aaliyah shook her head and I giggled.

"I so wanna make a sex joke about that, but I can't think of one! Wait, let me google!" I quickly grabbed my phone and they both groaned.

Aaliyah ended up leaving us to go to the bathroom, so I turned towards Colby with a mischievous grin. "Hey Colby"

"What?" He asked, having no idea what he was getting into as he was putting stuff away from the dishwasher.

"What do you call a cheap circumcision?" I asked and he gave me a weird look. "A rip off!" I laughed and he winced.

"What would fucking hurt. I have phantom pain on my dick right now. Thanks for that"

"Did Lorraine Bobbitt get to you too?" I asked and he gave me another weird look.

I groaned, annoyed that I'd have to explain my niche reference. "She cut off her spouse's dick" I explained and his eyes widened, his hands going in front of his dick. "What! It was what he deserved! He like raped her and shit. Why are you covering your penis? You're afraid I'm going to become her?" I asked and Colby just turned around, his hands still covering his crotch.

Aaliyah had walked back into the kitchen and I grinned, turning towards him. "Hey Aaliyah?"

"What?"

"What does a penis and a Rubik's Cube have in common?" I asked and he gave it serious thought before giving in. "The more you play with it, the harder it gets" I giggled and Colby rolled his eyes as Aaliyah laughed, joining in on my joke.

"You know Leigh, the more you come out of your shell, the more I miss the old version" Colby shook his head at me and this time I rolled my eyes.

"If you'd like to see me vomit in a bowling alley, we can go right now?" I pointed behind me towards the front door and he gave me a weird look.

"Old me was vomiting everywhere. Do we really miss that?" I asked and he shook his head, grabbing some sort of bottle out of the fridge. "I remember one time you came back from the gym and were wafting your fucking gym socks or something and I don't think I've ever vomited so quickly" I chuckled and he rolled his eyes.

"I wasn't wafting them. You just have super smell or some shit"

"It got to the point where you guys had to text me when you were coming home from the gym" I laughed before grabbing my phone again, finding another joke. "Hey Colby?"

"Hm?"

"How is sex like a game of bridge?" I asked and he shook his head at me.

"I need to stop replying to you"

"If you have a great hand, you don't need a partner" I winked and walked away, leaving both of them speechless.

Aaliyah eventually had to go to work, so I was sitting in the sun room, going through more dirty jokes, sending some to Silas and Aaliyah, when I opened up my texts with Colby, sending him another just because I liked to annoy him.

Me: Why can't you hear rabbits fucking?

Colby: Why?

Me: Cus they got cotton balls! 🐰😂😂😂

I heard Colby audibly go "Oh my god" in a groan, before texting me back "I hate you" which made me giggle.

I heard Colby walk up the steps, so I sent him another message, waiting for his response.

Me: What's the difference between being hungry and horny?

Colby: Oh my god stop

Me: Where you stick the cucumber!

Colby: I hope your baby comes out looking like a cucumber

Me: What? Lmao

Me: What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?

Colby: Come back later?

Me: Beat it. We're closed.

Colby: Oh my god 🙄😂

Me: Hey Colby

read

Me: Colby

read

Me: Colby

read

Me: Colby

read

Me: Cooooooooolllllbbbyyy

Colby: ?

Me: What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

Colby: I don't know, what?

Me: "If we don't get some support, people will think we're nuts."

Colby: My nuts are bigger read

Me: Hey Colby

Colby: Leighton I'm trying to answer emails. Sam's going to kill me since I've been putting it off

Me: What does a cow and a pregnant woman have in common?

Colby: They're both huge?

Me: WTF?! NO!

Me: Never tell a pregnant woman she's huge! Tsk tsk tsk read

Me: They both get milked!

Me:😂😂😂😂 read

Me: I didn't even google that one! That one came from my own thinker!

Colby: 🤦‍♂️

Colby: I miss the days were you hated me

Colby: I hate that you're so proud of that one

Me: HAHAHA

Me: Welcome to the dark side!

Me: I been expecting you

Colby: I'm going to block you I swear

Me: At least I lasted longer than you

Colby: You want to test that? read

Me: Hey Colby? read

Me: What's the difference between a g spot and a golf ball?

Colby: A man will actually hit the golf ball?

Me: THAT'S A GOOD ONE BUT NO!

Me: A man will actually search for a golf ball.

Me: I like yours better :(

read

Me: Hey Colby

Me: Why does Santa have a big sack?

read

Me: He only comes once a year

Colby: Santa said no nut November extreme edition

Me: Bet you couldn't make it.

Me: Santa is always superior

Colby: I actually did No Nut November, and No shave November thank you very much

Me: Santa does no shave November every month.

Me: Still superior

Me: Does no shave November include EVERYTHING?

Colby: But does he do no nut November every month?

Colby: Also, what do you mean?

Me: Dude, we I literally just said Santa comes once a year

Me: Also, you're acting like you'd make it. You fuck someone like every week

Colby: I haven't fucked anyone since our original truce!

Me: And I mean like, let's say a girl did no shave November. We shave so much, do you just not? Is no shave November just for beards?

Colby: Are you asking me if I shaved my dick?

Me: Maybe

Colby: Who said I did in the first place?

Me: Oh-

read

*5 minutes later*

Me: Hey Colby

Colby: If Sam asks what I've gotten done today, I'm saying you

Me: Oh? 👀

Me: I have a boyfriend sir

Colby: Shut up

Colby: You know what I meant read

Colby: I'm supposed to be replying to work emails, and you keep making my phone Bing

Me: Awe you have my notifications on?

Colby: I have *my* notifications on

Me: What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?

read

Me: You can unscrew the lightbulb

Colby: R u ok?

Me: What's the difference between a microwave and a woman? read

Me: Men can push the microwaves buttons and still turn it on.

Colby: What's the difference between "Ooh" and "Aah"?

Me: OH MY GOD YOU'RE PLAYING TOO

Me: I don't know, what?

Colby: About three inches.

Me: Ohhh

Colby: *Aah😏

Me: 😳

Colby: I really need to get some work done now, Chili fries later?

Me: YES PLEASE!

Colby:😉

~

I spent the fourth of July at my parents house, not wanting to attend Sam and Colby's party. I didn't feel like letting my clumsy pregnant ass be around a bunch of 20 year old drunks, so instead I had some nice family time and we watched fireworks at the beach and it worked out well, because I was actually able to see Logan before he left us for a couple months. I tried to soak up as much Logan time as I could, knowing damn well Cynthia was going to get him all to herself once they went home.

I swear Cynthia and I were always fighting each other for who got to hang out with Logan, but it was normally all in playful fun.

Nova was getting bigger which was exciting. She's definitely a rough and tumble pup so I have to be sitting when I hang out with her, or she'll knock me on my ass like no tomorrow.

I was currently sitting in the sand waiting for Silas to get here, my knees propped up so my little belly could sit between them, Nova laying at my feet, shoving her face into the sand, getting told off by Cynthia for eating it.

Silas was going to meet my family for the first time which was nerve racking, so I found myself playing with the sand, eavesdropping on my dad and Landon's conversation which turned out to not be that interesting. Just something about him hanging out with Finn tomorrow so that was disappointing.

I ended up getting lost in the sound of the waves crashing, zoning out so much that my phone buzzing against my leg made me jump, which made Nova jump.

New Message Silas ❤️ Hey I'm here, where are you guys?

I texted him back, then watched Logan take Nova's leash and walk her into the ocean making us laugh.

Nova was freaking out every time the water touched her toes to the point where I was concerned I was going to pee myself with how hard we were all laughing.

I felt someone touch my shoulder which made me shriek, and then I heard his laugh which caused me to roll my eyes.

"You asshole!" I smacked his leg and Silas was still laughing, taking a seat next to me.

"I brought you those cookies you were talking about last night" He handed me a container of store bought cookies and I swear my heart grew twice in size for this man.

"Awe thank you! Thank you for coming. I hope my family doesn't get too overwhelming. They're all focused on Nova" I pointed out towards the ocean where the puppy was now swimming with Logan.

After about five minutes, my dad came over and Silas and he introduced themselves, but before I could protect my boyfriend, Lexi was dragging me into the ocean, not even caring that I wasn't in my swimsuit.

As the night died down, I watched my siblings and Silas play soccer with Nova, trying to keep the ball away from her as we waited for the fireworks, sitting next to my mom as we walked about baby stuff.

"Do you have any idea what you want to do for a nursery?" My mom asked and I shook my head, resting my hands on my stomach. "When you were born, we did a cute light pink nursery. Your nursery was actually probably one of my favorites. Your dad painted a gorgeous mural on the wall your crib was against and I used to catch you just babbling to yourself, staring at in complete wonder. It sometimes makes me wonder if that was fate. You know because you're an amazing artist and all" My mom rambled and I smiled at how my mom was fondly reminiscing of when I was younger.

It was probably one of her favorite things to do. She loved having any chance she could to talk about us kids growing up, and all the cute and annoying things we'd do.

"I wish we were still in that house. I'd love to still have that mural" I sighed, leaning back on the palms of my hands.

"We have some photos. We could try and do it again?" She suggested and I shook my head.

"Maybe if I got my own house one day I could do something like that. I don't know. I'm trying to make sure I take it one step at a time. Dot my I's, cross my T's y'know?"

I went to sit up and winced, my back pulling from how I was sitting.

"More constant aches and pains are setting in so that's fun. I'm nervous for my stomach to get bigger. I heard your pelvic bone can separate and that sounds horrific" I frowned but before my mom could reply Silas walked up to me, holding his hand out.

"Care to walk the beach with me?" He asked and I smiled, taking his hand.

"You might have to carry me. I'm getting pretty big these days" I smirked and Silas laughed, shaking his head as he helped me up.

"You're not big at all Leigh. Your stomach is as big as mine gets when the boys and I drink too much on game day" He laced his fingers between mine and I rolled my eyes.

"So you're saying I got a beer belly?" I asked and he chuckled, shaking his head. "I'm saying you're perfect my love" He kissed the side of my cheek and I laughed, rolling my eyes. "Kiss up"

"Just stating facts" He squeezed my hand and we walked along the shoreline, the water rushing over our feet a couple times.

"Are you having a good time?" I asked as we swung out hands back and forth.

"Anywhere with you is a good time" He replied and I narrowed my eyes at him, pursing my lips. "Honestly though, yeah. I love your family. I was nervous to meet your dad, but he's been good to me so far. I don't know what you slipped into his drink, but thanks" He chuckled and I laughed.

Before I could reply, Nova ran between our hands, Logan running around us as he quickly grabbed her leash. "Sorry!" He yelled out and I shook my head knowing damn well he probably did it on purpose.

"He's lucky I'm pregnant or I'd go beat his ass" I grumbled. "Do you have any siblings?" I asked as we stopped to look out at the sunset, taking a seat in the sand.

"I have a younger brother and an older sister. I'm more so the Logan of the group" He admitted which made me laugh.

"So I'll love you both huh?" I asked, resting my hand on his knee before folding them in my lap, fiddling with the anxiety ring Colby had gotten me.

"If I play my cards right" Silas joked and I snickered.

"What is this, poker?"

"I hope not. I suck at poker"

"I've never played. Some of my family members would play, but I could care less about the chips unless they're editable" I grinned.

My phone was buzzing again and I saw Silas glance down with me, Aaliyah's stupid face showing up on the screen.

Aaliyah and River were attending Sam and Colby's party, sending me videos of the chaos that was going on in my temporary home.

"Your wife is calling" Silas told me I rolled my eyes, clicking the green button and hitting speaker.

"Hey loser"

"Where is the fire extinguisher?" Aaliyah asked and I squinted, confused.

"Excuse me?"

"Colby told me to call you and ask" she explained and I turned towards Silas, extremely confused.

Wasn't that his house?

"Colby should know? I think it's in the kitchen under the wine glass cabinet?"

"Okay thanks" She told me quickly and my brow furrowed.

"What's going on?"

"I don't know. Colby asked me to ask you. I got to go, thanks Leigh!" Aaliyah said before hanging up and I groaned.

What the fuck

I tried to call her back but she didn't answer.

"You live with guys don't you?" He asked and I nodded.

"I mean, one of my roommates' girlfriends are always over, so it isn't like it's always boys there but yeah. It's taken a couple months but I'm getting along with them. Kind of sucks the new place is so far away from them" I frowned, watching Lexi and Landon fight over the soccer ball, only to have Nova swipe it. "Speaking of, I should probably go make sure everything is okay. Do you want to come or stay with my family? I'll hopefully be right back" I asked and Silas decided to come, so he helped me up and we told my dad what was going on.

Right before we got to the house, Aaliyah had texted me saying everything was fine, but I walked in anyway and there were people everywhere.

Silas took my head and placed his hand on my back in a protective manner as we passed people, my own hands in front of my stomach.

I tried to find a familiar face and the only one I could see was Stas.

I quickly walked over towards her, asking if she's seen Colby, but she said no which wasn't helpful.

Silas helped me walk up the stairs to the main bathroom, only to see all of upstairs was empty.

"I'm going to kick his ass" I grumbled, making my way back downstairs, Silas hot on my toes.

I walked out to the backyard, a million people littering the space.

"Where is Colby Brock!?" I yelled out, catching some people's attention.

A few people shrugged, and a couple pointed towards the pool.

Up on some sort of high rise deck thing stood Colby, Jake and a few other people.

I left Silas in my dust as I pushed past people, climbing up the small stair things that lead to a platform.

"LEIGH BE CAREFUL!" I could Silas yell but I ignored him, one thing on my mind.

I got up there and I snatched Colby's phone before attempting to shove him in the pool, but he spun around and I felt my body lean forward, missing, and everyone gasped.

"LEIGHTON!" Someone screamed and I felt a tight hold on my wrist, another person's arms around my waist as I was lifted back up.

I could feel my adrenaline rush as I panted, shaking in someone's hold.

"YOU!" I pointed my finger at him and we both glared at each other.

"YOU COULD'VE GOTTEN HURT!" Colby shouted.

"STOP YELLING AT ME! YOU'RE THE ONE IN TROUBLE!" I yelled back

"WHAT DID I DO?!" Colby questioned, everyone watching us now.

"YOU FUCKING SCARED ME!"

"YEAH? WELL YOU ALMOST FUCKING DIED! YOU'RE PREGNANT, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING UP HERE! He yelled.

"YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME! Why did you tell Aaliyah to text me about a fire extinguisher?"

"Then we're equal!" Is all he said and I felt anger boil through my veins.

"WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?!" I shouted and I felt Jake's hands on my arm, keeping me steady.

"You're moving out anyway, it doesn't matter" Colby grumbled and I gave him a weird look.

"What does that mean?"

"You're not even supposed to be here!" Colby exclaimed and I shoved him off of me and quickly walked down the steps, my heart racing as I pushed past the gobsmacked people.

"Leighton stop!" I heard Silas yell but I pushed past people, making it inside only to be spun around by someone.

"Leigh-" Silas tried but I shoved his hand off my wrist, quickly climbing the stairs as the tears started falling down my cheeks.

I quickly closed my door, dropping to the floor as I felt the hot tears slide down my jawline.

Someone knocked on the door but I just leaned my head against it, my chest rising and falling quickly as I breathed heavily.

I don't know how long I sat there crying for, but the next thing I knew I was screaming in agony, sharp pains stabbing my stomach as I cried and screamed, my hands resting against the horrific stabbing pains.

I heard someone tell me to move away from the door, so I shuffled over enough, still curled in a ball when I heard Silas ask if I was okay. All I could manage to do was shake my head, and the next thing I knew I was being hauled away in an ambulance repeating to myself.

Please let my baby be okay.

* * * *

Written on: March 5th, 6th, 7th, 9th, 10th, April 6th 2022

Word Count: 6.5k

Part Thirty

[britswriting]

Desire (30)

Desire Masterlist

Read on Wattpad

Half ass edited because it's 1am and I'm tired lol sorry

T/W: Body shaming 

*Leighton's POV*

Being homesick was a familiar feeling. I felt it all the time when we first moved to California, but this time was different.

I wasn't missing a place. I was missing a person. My baby to be exact.

Something that was both helping and hindering that feeling was my new ink work. Right under my left collarbone near my shoulder I had "Gemma" in a fancy lowercase font with a pretty simple tiara above the last a, slightly crooked. I almost felt like it worked out perfectly. That now I'd have her with me everywhere I went, even if I did miss her physical touch.

She was becoming my little girl in an emotional way, and to be honest I did cry this morning over it. 

I never thought I'd miss her, but in the 6 months she's been alive, she's starting to mean the world to me. She's my child. Someone I love and adore. Even her 3am wake up calls don't bug me anymore and I'm able to push them to the point where I miss them whilst I'm in Italy.

Something that hit me like a ton of bricks was that my birthday was in two days, and I couldn't help but feel sad. My baby wasn't going to be with me for my birthday and honestly it wasn't something I knew I wanted. I almost wished I had brought her on the trip, or had just stayed back in general. 

I'm learning that dumb things mean a lot to me. Things like her being alive for my birthday for the first time felt like a milestone. There was a lot more to celebrate than just me, I wanted to celebrate her. 

I ended up having a pretty hard cry session to Sam last night about how Gemma didn't need me anymore after he said that she would be okay and that there was always next year. 

I just felt like they didn't get it.

Every time I talked to Gabe, he said everything was going fine and to be honest, it hurt. She was so clingy and whiny when I left and now she's magically fine? He did say her first tooth popped which of course added to my sadness and my aunt had sent me a video of Gemma on her knees, rocking a bit, sharing the excitement of her getting closer to crawling. I had so many emotions about this trip. I was missing so much. I never thought about how much could happen in just a week, but my sweet little girl not only has her first tooth, but is even closer to crawling, and I was missing it. 

Colby reminded me about all the firsts that I got to experience, and how now this is one Gabe has. Even if it was sad, I still got to experience so many firsts that her father didn't but it didn't take away the guilt I felt for not witnessing it first hand. 

We were now on our way to my grandparents house and I felt like my anxiety was making my skin crawl. 

"It's so pretty" Kat admired, a look of awe on her face as we got closer to my grandparents home.

"How are we feeling Leigh?" Sam asked, turning to look back at me. "Look familiar?"

I was quiet, looking out the window trying to spot anything that looked familiar. A building. A road. A tree. Anything. I was grasping straws here, and yet nothing. I shook my head, gnawing on my lower lip, my eyes locked on the scenery passing by.

"We're almost there Leigh" Colby informed me and I could feel the desperation in my chest.

Please look familiar. I silently prayed.

"It should be the third house on our left" Sam told Colby, Kat's phone in my face pulling me out of my thoughts. 

Kat's been trying to have me help her pick which photos were Instagram post worthy; claiming she wanted a girl's opinion. I don't even have an Instagram, I don't know why she's asking me. I knew absolutely nothing about the algorithm and what photos looked better and would prefer better.

The three of them were trying to make it seem like they were still in California and thankfully due to them not posting anything, no one has recognized us. The boys wanted the Italy videos to be a surprise, so the first part of the trip they were filming and the second half of the trip was considered our vacation.

Sam and Colby had been filming and saving Instagram Stories to post whilst we were away, dumb things like motivation videos, them doing a puzzle with Kat, random videos of them with their friends and even a few photos about them editing. They wanted no one to think they were out of the country and the extent they went to keep this a secret was bewildering.

We turned around the corner, entering a long dirt road. It felt a little familiar but things definitely looked different.

Kat was the first to speak up, her eyes captivated by the scenery in front of us, "This neighborhood looks cute" 

I'm glad they were excited, because I felt like I could be sick. There was something that didn't feel right. I felt like I couldn't breathe. Everything just felt unsettled and tense.

"You ready Leigh?" Colby asked, the car doors unlocking, Sam and Kat stepping out.

I didn't respond as I stepped out, Colby and I met at the side of the car, his hand on the small of my back.

"Ladies first" Sam said, motioning for us to walk.

I took a deep breath before walking on the cobblestone pathway. I knocked on the door, my hands shaking with jitters.

It's been so long.

The door opened and I held my breath, Colby's hand squeezing my hip softly. 

"Leighton?" 

Shit.

"Emma?"

"What are you doing here?' She asked, and I ignored her, "Is my grandmother here?" I asked, resisting every urge in my body telling me to turn around and leave.

"Yeah, come in" She let us in, her eyes locking on the three stooges behind me.

"Shoes" I muttered to them, slipping mine off. "Mormor will kick our pale asses if she catches us tracking dirt through her house"

Colby was kicking his shoes off as he leaned closer to me, muttering "Whose Emma?" 

"Uh..-" I stalled, not really wanting to talk about it.

I couldn't even try to finish my sentence before her voice filled my ears again, my spine cringing "So, who are your friends?" she asked.

Is it too late to leave?

"Um, this is Sam, Kat and Colby" I introduced, gesturing to them individually.

Before Emma could pipe up, my grandmother peaked around the corner, a smile on her face.

"Leigh!" She grinned, a thick Italian accent making itself known.

"Hi Mormor" I smiled, Mormor pulling me into a hug.

"I've missed you" She replied in Italian and I was very thankful that I remembered quite a bit. 

Especially because Nonno speaks a lot of Italian, it was his preference, so if I didn't know jack shit this visit would be very hard.

"I've missed you too" I replied back in Italian, her tight hold keeping me close.

We eventually separated and she started rambling about what it's been like since I was here last, not even letting me get a word in edgewise.

I peeked behind me at my friends who seemed confused due to how fast she was talking in another language. To be fair, I was also lost.

"Happy?" Colby asked in my ear, checking in.

I nodded slowly, wanting so desperately to grab his hand, but I wasn't prepared for any invasive questions yet.

"I've made Kladdkaka" Mormor announced in English this time, showing off her dessert on the kitchen counter.

"What's that?" Sam asked me and I grinned, excited over the desert.

"It's like a sticky gooey chocolate cake. I think we call it mud cake? Mormor would make it every time we'd visit. It was my favorite thing!" I grinned, Mormor nodding in agreement.

"She'd have so much chocolate covering her face" She smiled, reminiscing on when I was younger. 

"Logan, Landon and I would be chocolate cake monsters whereas Lexi ate it so daintily! Then she'd throw a fit when we ate it all before she could get a second serving" I laughed, the memories playing through my head like it happened yesterday.

"Is that why Lexi shoves food into her face so fast?" Colby asked, snickering and I grinned, nodding.

"Snooze you lose!" I exclaimed, Mormor shaking her head at me.

Mormor looked over at me, glancing between the boys before asking, "So which one is the boyfriend?", making me laugh.

Does Sam really look like he could be my boyfriend? Love you Sam, but like.... I can't imagine doing anything but hugging you. If anything, I'd consider him a good friend and I owe a lot to him, but dating him? That feels too far, even if he wasn't with Kat.

I don't even bother correcting her that we weren't officially dating. It mattered to us, not my grandparents.

Colby raised his hand so his elbow was at a 90 degree angle, doing a slight wave, catching her attention.

I noticed the surprise look on Emma's face and I couldn't help but feel cocky about it.

That's right bitch, this hot guy is mine

Mormor immediately stuck her finger his face, ranting in Italian about how if he ever hurt me there would be hell to pay, thankfully, Colby didn't understand her and gave me a "what the fuck" look when she pulled him into a hug, her small frame being swallowed by his broad one.

I grinned and gave him two thumbs up, trying not to laugh at the bewilderment on his face.

"Mormor, this is Sam and Kat, Sam is Katrina's boyfriend, and Colby's best friend" I introduced, wanting to clear up the air before she made some dumb remark towards them. 

Mormor gave us all a house tour, Emma trailing behind Colby and I.

Why was she still here?

I could tell Colby wanted to slip inside one of the empty guest rooms and grill me on who Emma was.

Around dinner time, Nonno walked out into the back garden where we were all hanging out after having done a quick photoshoot near Mormor's flower garden.

"Miss Leighton Rae?" Nonno called out, the door shutting behind him. I quickly got up to hug him, my sweater tugging up a little at the stretch.

When I put on the thin knit sweater this morning Colby immediately asked me what was wrong with me. It was really hot today, but I explained that Nonno didn't like tattoos, so I covered mine; to which Colby looked concerned, motioning towards his tattooed covered arm. It wasn't that he hated all tattoos, he just didn't like them on people that he considered his children. To him I was still that same little girl he saw last. I still held innocence in his eyes.

I introduced everyone, Nonno staring Colby down like he was a starved animal. I watched Colby literally gulp, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down out of nerves.

I sighed at their interaction, walking over to stand next to Colby, resting my hand in the back pocket of his jeans, Colby jumped and then glared at me. I frowned when my hand got removed from his pocket, Colby following Sam and Kat inside for dinner.

I just wanted to comfort him and reassure him, but I guess that wasn't allowed.

I rolled my eyes out of annoyance, trailing behind Colby. It's not like Nonno had x-ray vision and could see my hand. Dinner was nice, Mormor made Kroppkakor and it was actually really good. Katrina seemed suspicious of it, but once Sam and Colby ate it she tried it when Mormor wasn't looking which made me giggle.

I tried to help clean the kitchen but Mormor quite literally smacked me with her broom, kicking the four of us out of her house after Emma suggested we go on a late night stroll.

Why was Emma still fucking here? This was not in the fine print of this trip. I want to fucking leave, or better yet, shove her down a damn well.

Good riddance bitch.

The four of us were strolling down the cobblestone path, passing houses as we went. My hand was intertwined in Colby, my head resting on his shoulder as I asked quietly if he was having a good time.

"I am, are you?" He asked and I shrugged, Colby giving me a weird look.

"Why aren't you-" He stopped, Emma interrupting him. "So Leigh, how'd you land a guy like him?" She asked a snarky tone to her question.

I pursed my lips, wanting so badly to deck her in the face.

"I think you mean how did I land someone like her" Colby corrected, my ears warming up as I hid my face against his bicep, smiling like a fool.

I felt his lips press a soft kiss against the side of my head, his hand squeezing mine simultaneously.

"I just mean, you're objectively hot, and she's well-" Emma started, but Colby was quick to interrupt her.

"I'd choose your words very carefully Emma" He warned, Emma's eyes widening a little, her lips parted out of surprise.

"Leigh doesn't mind. She's always been chubby" Emma finished, my jaw clenching.

Can I fucking punch her now?

"Yeah well at least I don't smell like road kill" I grumbled, pushing myself off of Colby and quickening my pace, my shoulder hitting Emma's, her body wobbling.

"What the hell Leighton!" She shouted, almost falling.

"Eat dirt bitch!" I yelled back, catching Sam and Kat's attention.

"Woah, what's going on?" Sam asked, but I ignored him and tried to walk even faster away from Emma.

She was not ruining my day. I need to get away from her.

I could hear someone's footsteps behind me, a hand grabbing my bicep, stopping me in my tracks.

Colby.

"Hey, it's okay. Remember how you said you wanted to react and respond differently? Please don't run away. She's not worth it" he reminded, guilt filling my chest.

"But she's a fucking cunt" I hissed, Colby surprised by my choice of words.

"But that doesn't mean you need to stoop as low. You know I love you and your body. You're perfect to me. Don't let her insecurities ruin your confidence" He told me softly, his hand now reaching for mine.

I stayed quiet, my veins still boiling with anger. I took a deep breath, wanting to change how I reacted to things.

I looked up with teary eyes, Colby's soft and concerned facial features staring right back at me.

"Don't cry Leigh, she's not worth it. You actually put on makeup today, is she really worth the black mascara smudges?" he asked, a small laugh leaving my lips.

"You're such a dork" I giggled, Colby's lips tugging upwards.

"But I'm your dork" 

"And you ruined it" I groaned, Colby grinning as he pulled me into a hug, his arms wrapping around my waist before sliding down my back and squeezing my ass. 

"Your body is perfect. Don't let some bitchy girl you rarely see get in your head. If she wants to stay in the High School mindset, that's her problem. Show her what it's like to be a grown and mature adult. Kill her with kindness"

"Can I just kill her point blank instead?" I asked with hopeful eyes, Colby shaking his head at me,  his nose letting out a breath of air like he had laughed.

"We have a beautiful daughter to get home to, I can't have you stuck in an Italian prison. Why do you hate each other so much anyway?" 

"I don't want to talk about it right now" I admitted, Colby nodding, his hand intertwining in mine as we heard footsteps behind us.

"Are we ready to head back?" Sam asked and I nodded, thankful he wasn't asking a million questions right now.

The walk back was quiet. There were small murmurs but no one really said anything. I think the part that shocked me the most was even Emma stayed quiet and seemed like she felt uncomfortable. 

I was standing in the bathroom getting ready for bed, my pump attached to my chest when there was a knock on the door.

"Leigh, it's me" I heard Colby announce, so I unlocked the door and stood off to the side.

He chuckled, his eyes locking on my body as I moved away from the door "Are you pumping whilst brushing your teeth?" 

"Mhm" I mumbled, Colby shutting the door behind us.

"Doesn't that hurt?"

"Mm-mm" I shook my head, carefully leaning over to spit out the toothpaste. "It weighs down my boobs a bit, but I wouldn't say it hurts" I elaborated, moving so Colby could prep his toothbrush. "It's still weird to pump whilst she isn't here. Pouring it down the drain sucks. I thought about seeing if I could donate it or something, but it's quite the hassle, especially because we're out of the country" 

Colby locked eyes with me in the mirror asking, "Does it still hold bad memories for you?" to which I nodded.

"I don't think pouring breast milk out will ever not trigger that memory. I mean, I'm not crying over it anymore. It's just like a quick flash in my head every time I watch it go down the drain"

"I never got why it was such a big deal" he shrugged, but I could tell he didn't mean any harm by the statement.

"Well pumping isn't always easy. Your body produces this milk for the baby and then you pump it to save and or give to said child, when you just end up pouring it down the drain. It just... feels wasteful. Not everyone can easily do it. I don't know, it's hard to explain" I sighed, wiping my makeup removal wipe across my face.

"Do you care if I strip and change here?" I questioned, reaching for my clothes off the counter.

He shook his head, too preoccupied by his toothbrush to respond.

I stood in a bra and underwear as I grabbed my shorts, tugging them up my legs. "You've been wearing a thong all day and you didn't think to tell me?" He asked, catching my attention.

I couldn't help but snicker as I slid the band up to my hips, slightly covering my belly button.

"I didn't know I needed to tell you what underwear I was wearing"

"Turn around" He said, making a spin motion with his pointer finger.

"Excuse me?"

"Leigh, turn" 

I rolled my eyes and turned 180 degrees, my back facing him.

"Can I turn back now?" I muttered, crossing my arms over my chest.

"No, I'm admiring the view" he replied and I scoffed, turning back around and grabbing my baggy t-shirt.

"Hey!" He exclaimed as I tugged my shirt over my head.

"Shut up" I laughed, my arms reaching behind me to unclasp my bra. "Think fast" I called out, chucking it at his chest.

"Jesus" he laughed, the bra dropping to the floor. "Hell no, I can't" He immediately declared, confusing me. "You cannot lay in bed with me in a black thong with no bra" 

I snickered, shaking my head at him.

"Who said we were sharing a bed? I'm still Nonno's little girl"

"As if you weren't on your knees for me the other night" He scoffed, my cheeks heating up.

"Shut up!" 

"I'll happily return the favor" He chimed up when I squatted to grab my bra off the floor. "Oh you can just get on your knees again, damn" he said, his eyes wide at my crouched position.

I rolled my eyes, my face eye level with his crotch. Before either of us could react, I for some reason leaned forward, pressing my lips in a soft kiss against his clothed crotch before getting up, Colby's jaw dropped.

"Leighton Rae Fox!" 

I giggled, winking before exiting the bathroom.

I plugged my phone in, going through my texts when the bedroom door opened, Colby walking in and softly shutting it behind him.

"You're so going to hell for that"

"It's not like I gave you a half ass blowjob" 

"Might as well have" he grumbled, making me snicker.

"You mad baby?" I cooed, Colby glaring at me.

"You can't just press your lips against my crotch after informing me that you're in a black thong and no bra and then leave!"

"Uh... I think I just did?" 

"You're so annoying"

"That is not what you were saying when I had your cocked shoved down my throat" I eyed him, my eyebrows raised.

"See, annoying" He laughed, shaking his head in disbelief at me.

I pat the mattress next to me,"C'mere you big baby"

"I'm not a baby, you're a baby"

"How am I a baby?"

"You are what you give birth to" He shot back and I gave him a weird look.

"What the fuck does that mean?" I laugh, Colby tugging his shirt over his head.

"It means my cock is hard and we can't do anything about it" He replied back in an annoyed tone, climbing into bed with me.

"M'sorry" I slurred, pouting at him. "Your life is so hard"

"Shut up" he laughed, his head hitting his pillow.

"Mmmm no. I like hearing my own voice" 

"Noted" he sighed, tugging at the comforter.

I sighed, looking down at him. "If I knew you were gonna be mad, I wouldn't have changed in front of you. I didn't think it was gonna be a big deal"

"It wasn't a big deal"

"Well you're acting kind of pissy so.." I trail off, my lips pursed as I look down at him.

"I'm not pissy, I'm just turned on and I can't do anything about it. It's not exactly easy going to bed with a boner Leigh"

"I'm sorry"

"No you're not"

"I am"

"Yeah, you look real sorry"

"Do you want me to kiss it all better?" I teased, Colby glaring at me.

"Fuck off"

I laughed loudly, my hand quickly covering my mouth as I muffled the noise.

"Glad you find my pain hilarious"

Colby closed his eyes and I shifted to my knees, propping myself over his thighs before sitting down towards his knees. His eyes snapped open.

"What are you doing?"

"Saying sorry" I murmured, leaning forward and pressing a soft kiss against his parted lips.

"Leighton, we can't" He protested, but I kissed down his jaw and up his neck. "Leighton, I can't do this. Not in your grandparents home"

"I've always wanted to have sex in Italy" I mumbled against his sweet kiss, a small groan leaving his lips.

"We can't have sex, I don't have condoms and you aren't on birth control"

"That doesn't mean I still can't have your cum run down my hand" I replied, my voice muffled against his skin.

"Leigh" he groaned, his hips rocking up a bit making me snicker.

"All you have to do is be quiet for me and they'll never know. Don't you want a sweet release?" I asked, slightly teasing him as I lifted my head out of his neck.

"God, Leigh, no" he shook his head and I frowned.

"Are you being serious or are you just saying that because you don't want them finding out? Is your no as hard as your cock?" I asked, Colby's cheeks tightening as he broke out into a laugh.

"I hate you" He laughed, his eyes closed with a smile on his face.

He looked beautiful.

"I wish I could take a picture right now" I murmured aloud, my phone sadly out of reach.

"Mm, why's that" he hummed, his eyes opening as I shifted higher up on his lap.

"Ya look pretty. Wanted to capture it"

"I'm not pretty" 

"The prettiest" I hummed, leaning forward to kiss him again.

"You're mistaken" he protested and I giggled, pulling away so my face was hovering above his, my hair falling down my shoulders and around our faces.

"You're aesthetically pleasing, is that better?" I asked and he grinned, nodding.

"You're being mushy though!" He whined, "I'm very manly" Colby declared, puffing his chest out before letting it deflate, not being able to control the held back laugh.

"Mhm, so manly. So big and strong! My big protector" I hummed in approval, teasing him.

"You know, you could lose the sarcasm"

"Where's the fun in that?"

"I don't know. making your boyfriend happy?" He cocked an eyebrow and I grinned, pursing my lips in an attempt not to fully smile at him.

"You like that word don't you. I can see you testing it out in that big head of yours. Mormor really got that nine letter word on replay in your brain didn't she"

"Sounds nice don't you think?" He asked, his hands resting on my ass, but surprisingly not squeezing.

"The title comes with a lot of commitment and expectation you know" I reminded, not sure if we were really ready for that step.

"I know, do you think I can't handle it?" Colby asked, his tone sounding like he was offended, his brow furrowed as his hands moved back up to my waist.

I frowned, trying to choose my words carefully.

"It's not that I think you can't handle it.. it's just.. your track record isn't the best" I defended, and I watched his lips part, ready to fight back, so I quickly spoke up again before it created an argument. "I just don't want to have high expectations knowing that we both have a back track record" I explained further, trying to place part of the blame on me.

"So what you're saying is you think I'm going to be a bad boyfriend" he argued anyway and I groaned, rolling off of him and laying on the bed beside him.

I let out an exhale of tired frustration before speaking, my eyes locked on the ceiling above us "I don't want to argue Colby. If this was a black and white conversation, the answer would be yes. I'm afraid of you being a bad boyfriend and me being a bad girlfriend. Of us being incompatible. You became a shitty friend when you were in your last relationship and I don't even remember what happened with that coffee shop girl... and It's not like I have the best track record with my last two.. I just don't want to jump into it too fast. I thought we were on the same page?"

"We're already acting like a couple, Leighton! I don't understand why you're so against it" He continued, sitting up in bed.

I really didn't want to argue over something so stupid, yet again.

Maybe it wasn't stupid to him though. Maybe this meant something...

"Why do you want the boyfriend label so bad?" I decided to ask, my neck turning to look up at him. "Sam said you didn't like labels. That you liked to mess around. You liked to hang out with people, so why is this different?  — Don't say I'm different. That's cliché as fuck. I told you I wasn't ready, and you seemed okay with that.. so why now?"

"I want more Leighton" He stated bluntly, his face showing zero emotion as he stared straight ahead at the bedroom door.

"More what?" I pushed, confused as to where his head was at.

"I want more! I want more from you, I want more from this relationship! I want more on social media! It's tiring to play a role without any of the credit! I've been by your side for almost a year now, I want more! I may have been a dick in the past, but I'm changing! — or I'm trying to! I'm trying to be better! I'm trying to be better for you! You have this idea in your fucking head that life is going to be perfect, that we won't fuck up! That's not how it works! We make mistakes! Why can't you try me Leighton? I put so much into this when you relapsed, I even watched your fucking baby, and you can't give me the decency to give me the benefit of the doubt with a relationship? Leigh if we're a lost cause just say it! Don't string me along! If you can't do this, or don't want to, then don't! It's as simple as that!" Colby snapped, hitting his breaking point.

"I didn't say we were a lost cause! I'm just nervous! There is a lot to think about Colby! First thing first, I don't want to fuck up Gemma's relationship with you! Even if we lived happily ever after... it's just.. Colby.. She's our little girl. I don't want to ruin that. It's not just her losing you, it's her losing Sam and Kat too! Maybe you're too far in your own world to realize that your friends leave when you do, but I don't want that for Gemma! She loves you guys, and I love that she is surrounded by people who care so much for her! I didn't have that! I've never had people want to be there for me just because I'm me! There was always a motive behind it! So yes Colby, I'm fucking scared! If we fuck up and we things over, she loses everyone she's ever known, and don't you dare try and tell me differently! When you wanted space, you didn't want Sam or Kat to contact me either! If you want me to play the villain in your story, then fine, but I'll be damned if Gemma becomes the victim!"

"I'm trying Colby" I spoke softly, tears prickling in my eyes, blurring my vision.

"It's never enough" He confessed, stopping in front of me, his blurred face being the only thing I could look at.

"I don't know what you want" I replied in broken breaths, struggling to speak through the formed lump in my throat.

"Leigh, I want you to be selfish. Put you first! Stop worrying about things that we don't even know are going to happen"

"I'm trying!" I whined, "You don't understand the weight put on your shoulders the second you have to think about your child! I'm trying so fucking hard to be better for her! To not be some washed up mother... it's hard and it's scary! Just because we don't share the same demons doesn't mean you get to invalidate mine! If you want a easier relationship, go find someone else!"

"I don't want someone else, Leighton! That's the fucking problem!" 

"I don't know how to make this better" I admitted, my voice quiet as I tried not to cry.

"I don't know either" Colby breathed out, his arms crossed over his chest, inhaling a deep breath through his nose.

"I don't understand why it's me you're so gung ho about" I muttered, looking down at my nails, my eyes catching the anxiety ring he had gotten me a year ago. "I can't help but feel like you all just want Gemma. That if I didn't have her, all of this wouldn't be here" I motioned to the room, Colby's brows scrunching together as I spoke. 

"You really think we don't care about you?" Colby asked, sadness laced throughout his tone.

"Colby, you found out I was pregnant... and your opinion about me changed completely. You went from hating me, to wanting to be involved. The second you knew I was going to have a baby, you, just like Sam, were overly invested. It was great at the time, I needed all the help I could get..  but it's never changed. You have this protection over her like you think you deserve something. Like she's some sort of trophy for you. I'm not in your life to be a surrogate to some fucked up fantasy you have. None of you ever want to hang out with me. Get to know me..." I trailed off, my chest tightening as I started to confess my deepest insecure thoughts. 

"What are you even talking about? We literally go out and talk! We did for months!" He pointed out, his arm extended out towards me, his palm facing the ceiling as his eyebrows were raised, a scowl on his face.

"You can't tell me it's wrong for me to think that without G, this wouldn't be here. You'd still be hating me, Sam and Kat more than likely wouldn't care as much... I'd be another shitty roommate you guys hated. Sam literally defended me to you because he knew I was pregnant! So many of his actions were because he knew my big secret, and the second you found out, it's like I don't exist to him! He used to be my go to person, and now it's rare if we sit down together and talk about our weekend plans. He was the person I originally was going to have be in my labor and delivery room. My whole relationship with you guys was surrounded by Gemma! Kat and I bonded over me being pregnant, and her being the only one who knew. I owe a lot to you guys, I know that.. hell, without Sam, I don't even know if Gemma would be here... but Colby, you have to understand where I'm coming from. How am I supposed to let down these walls, when no one is trying to break them down? You just get mad at me when I don't agree with you, and whenever I explain, you basically say my feelings are bullshit and that I need to just shut up and look pretty. We barely have similar interests, we bond over fast food and my baby. That's not enough for a relationship! What you want" I pointed at him, "and what I want" I pointed at myself, "are two completely different things!" I crossed my pointer fingers before pushing them in opposite directions, exclaiming my feelings to him. I let out a shaky breath, Colby staying silent as I ranted, "Tell me Colby, what is something we have in common? Something we can bond over?" I asked, my chest shaking as I tried to control my breathing, my eyes threatening to let the tears fall.

"Leighton, that's not the point-" He began and I swear my brain was going to explode.

"Yes it is! We don't have to share everything, but we need things we like to do together! My child and fast food isn't enough!"

"That's not fair Leigh! You don't even know what you like to do!" 

"You've never asked!" I pointed at him, my finger shaking.

"You like painting! That's it!" He exclaimed, trying to make a point out of his frustration, his chest puffed out, and his jaw clenched.

"Is that all you remember?" I asked quietly, swiping a tear away.

"What do you mean? That's all you've shown me!"

I frown, my nails picking at the once perfectly coated polish.

"I like cooking Colby. I'm not good at it, but I have good memories attached to it. I like watching trash TV. I know that's lame.. but it's something Aaliyah and I do together. We still do, not that you'd know. I like hiking. I used to do it all the time with Logan's ex. I just hate going alone, and it wasn't fun when I was pregnant. I like being in nature. I like road trips. I like getting in the car and just exploring. I like being spontaneous. Gabe and I bonded that way in High School. Recently I've loved taking Gemma on walks in her stroller. She gets so excited over nature.. I'm learning to bake. After all, it is where I work. I love to hang out with my family. I used to love making forts with Logan, and scaring the shit out of Landon and Lexi. I loved to get my nails done with Cynthia when I could afford it. I hate Halloween movies, and Aaliyah used to get mad at me because I wouldn't watch them with her and River was usually busy, so she was stuck watching Christmas movies with me, bitching to me about how it was too early for Christmas movies. I like going out. I'd like to go to like a bar and grill in High School and drink fancy fruity nonalcoholic drinks and play games. It was really fun. We'd play card games or board games.. I miss it. Bars hold bad memories now" I paused, my eyes glancing up at Colby, surprised I haven't been interrupted yet.

When I looked over at him, there was a deep sadness on his face, his cheeks and nose slightly red.

"I've uh.. been thinking about getting into knitting or crocheting.. I thought it would be fun to make like a baby blanket or something. Some sort of keepsake I guess..." I confessed, my hand running over the comforter. "There are things I like to do... that don't involve the baby. Even if she was brought along or did them with me... they're still things I like to do before she got here.. not that any of you cared to ask" I shrugged, leaning back against the pillow, defeat taking all the energy from my body.

"What do you know about me?" Colby asked quietly.

"Um, I know that you love that Kingdom Hearts game. It's why you got that tattoo. You said the game was life changing or whatever. I uh.. I thought about buying it to play it.. I just.. I don't really have the extra cash for it at the moment. I know how passion-ly you feel about your YouTube career. How much it means to you. Like you said, you wished I cared more about ghosts.. but I just.. I can't get into it. One thing I think is cool is witches. I know you guys have talked a bit about them, but I think they're cool. I think the history of them is cool. Anyway, I know you don't like cooking, so you tend to meal prep or order take out. You used to like Tender Greens and Chick-Fil-A. You love going on late night walks before bed. You said it calmed you down and helped you relax for the night. You're extremely competitive in Mario Kart, something you and Stas bond over. I know that your preference of pizza is pepperoni and that you and Sam liked doing pizza night at your place with your friends. It was a way to keep in touch with everyone. I always felt guilty that I couldn't join. I couldn't eat the pizza or drink or hang.. I feel like that part of my pregnancy contributed to our bonding and a reason it was so hard" I confessed, Colby's lips pinched between his two fingers. "I know that in sex you like the be the dominant one. You mentioned liking to use handcuffs and such.." I mentioned, twisting my anxiety ring. 

"And you don't because it reminds you of going to jail" Colby finished, his voice quiet, and I nodded, surprised he remembered.

"Yeah.." I agreed, trailing off as I exhaled, looking away from him.

"I forgot you liked hiking" He said, his voice still soft and somber as I shrugged. "When you knew me, I was pregnant, and I hated it. It's fine" I shrugged again.

"Oh!" I exclaimed, memories coming back to me, "You hate pickles and you thought my ham and cream cheese thing was nasty!" I laugh, tears falling down my face as I smiled at him, "And.. and you used to have panic attacks! 'Cause you helped me with mine" I continued, wiping my tears away.

"Fuck" I heard him exhale, my eyes watching him lean against the dresser, the palms of his hands resting on the top of the dresser behind him. "I'm sorry Leighton" he apologized, but yet again, I shrugged, brushing it off. "No. I mean that. I've been shitty to you. I can't even remember simple things!"

"It's okay.. I was never really your focus anyway" I replied back quietly, the scary truth being spoken into existence. "It's okay to keep me close because you're afraid to lose Gemma.. I just think we need to stop lying to ourselves. Clearly this isn't working. It never has.."

"But I really want it to" Colby said, his cheeks puffing out as he blew out stressed air.

"It's not good to force things.. it'll only make things worse" I replied softly, the whole mood in the room changing drastically.

"I'm afraid to walk away" He confessed under his breath, my ears barely catching the secretive confession.

"Why?" I questioned, my head tilted out of curiosity.

"Because the last time I left, you relapsed" he spoke the harsh words in a soft tone, my chest tightening at his words.

"Things are different now Colby. I'm in a place where I'll be okay. I'm living back in Minnesota with my aunt, my baby is getting bigger and stronger and is sleeping through the night.. I'm in therapy and I go to my NA meetings.. I'm doing the steps. Believe it or not, there was a time where I did this all by myself before you even came into my life. I'll be okay. A lot of the factors are different, and you solely leaving is not my trigger to relapse" 

"I know you've done this all before Leighton, that's what scares me" He confessed, pushing his body off the dresser and walking over to the end of the bed. "I care about you. I don't even want to think about something like that happening again" 

"Then don't think about it" I cheekily responded, Colby rolling his eyes at me playfully.

"I wish it was that easy"

"It'll get easier. Time has a funny way of healing things" I told him softly, a small hopeful smile on my face. My lips pushed together in a tight line.

"Now what?" He asked, his hand brushing against the comforter.

"I say we sleep on it, and figure it out tomorrow" I suggested, my eyes stinging from how tired and worked up I was.

"I hate when we do that" he groaned and I couldn't help but chuckle quietly.

"It's usually the best idea to not make rash decisions on a tired stressed out brain. After all, I'm going to need my beauty sleep if I have to put up with Emma tomorrow"

"Oh shit, that's right.." 

I laughed, shaking my head at him and turning off my bedside lamp.

"Come lay down, take a deep breath and get some sleep. Tomorrow is a new day" I reminded him, smoothing out the blanket that was on top of me.

"I can't believe this is how our day is ending" He sighed, climbing into bed. He shuffled under the comforters before asking, "Do you think we'll be okay?" causing my stomach to both flutter and drop.

"I think someday we will be"

* * * * 

I put "replied in Italian" just so it was easier to read. I don't want these chapters to be complicated 

This chapter is giving Unbroken vibes. Not only with how the chapter went, but with the fact that it's 7k words.

Written on: October 8th, 9th, 13th, 14th, 15th 2022

Published on: October 15th 2022

Word Count: 7k

Part Thirty One